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haworthiaace · 3 years ago

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Magic misfits! Did I update the masterpost specifically because of this fic? yes absolutely. A busy day for Scar, featuring TFC and some good ol’ Scar appreciation :]

The start of a new season was always interesting.

While TFC didn’t enjoy having to start from scratch every year or so; having gotten used to the comforts of late season riches, he did love the sheer amount of interaction that came with a new season. TFC was content to hear gossip about the others’ shenanigans while he stuck to what he was best at: mining. Some of the others called it cheating to use his earthbending down in the tunnels, but he called it cheating to be able to shapeshift, or use magic crystals, or any of the other crazy things the other hermits could do, so it evened out.

When he wasn’t down in his mine, TFC watched as all the other hermits scrambled to make the most impressive buildings and contraptions in as little time as possible. Many of his servermates placed more importance on finishing their creations than actually gathering necessities such as tools and armour.

As if to prove this observation, the Boatem village appeared on the other side of the nether portal, populated with structures that were much too large considering it had only been three weeks since they arrived in this world. There was also a… tree? At least that’s what it looked like; a thin oak tree stretching up past the clouds and out of view. Looks like Mumbo and Grian were up to no good already.

“TFC! Up here!” Scar’s voice came from somewhere above TFC’s head, and he looked up to see the wizard (although he no longer wore his robe and hat) standing on a balcony extending from a truly massive wagon, one hand on the railing and the other extended above his head, waving enthusiastically at TFC.

He climbed the ladder up the side of the wagon, entering a sparse storage room. Knowing Scar, he either hadn’t bothered to move in yet or lost all of his things in a cave somewhere. Despite his powerful crystal magic, Scar still managed to die more than any other hermit, so the second option was more likely.

“Well hello there! Welcome to my humble abode, please take a seat.” Scar led TFC to a balcony, where he gestured towards a table and two folding chairs. Scar sat down, crossing his legs and folding his arms in his lap. “So, what brings you to our little village today?”

TFC raised an eyebrow at the question, confusion evident in his voice. “Because you invited me? We were supposed to have tea today.”

Scar jolted in his seat, then proceeded to scramble out of said seat. “I’ll be right back! I have to go… feed Jellie!” This was quite obviously a lie seeing as Jellie hadn’t returned from her between seasons interdimensional travels yet. TFC’s laughter chased Scar into the wagon, where he frantically prepared the tea that he was totally planning on making because he definitely remembered his plans for the day.

After about five minutes of mildly concerning crashing sounds, Scar returned with two steaming mugs of tea (decorated with cat faces, of course) and a plate of chocolate chip cookies - Stress’ recipe if TFC wasn’t mistaken. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, appreciating the tea and cookies.

“So, how are you holding up this season, Scar?” TFC took a sip of green tea, looking out at the horizon.

“Oh you know, the usual. I don’t have my village anymore, but the magical misfits still come seeking my help.” He brought a cookie to his mouth and bit off half of it. “Not that I mind helping people!” He swallowed his mouthful before continuing. “XB was here last week convinced that he left his coat in season seven, but turns out it just ended up in one of Joe’s boxes.” He chuckled to himself, wiping crumbs off of his jacket as TFC stared at the distant ocean, lost in thought.

TFC broke the silence that had fallen. “You’re a good man, y’know that?” The wizard in question looked at TFC in surprise. He was used to ‘thank you’s, but the personal compliment caught him off guard. “You’ve created a safe space for folks from all sorts of places, and you’ve saved quite a few of them from bad people.”

Scar looked down, smiling at his cup of tea. He spoke quietly, a departure from his usual boisterousness. “Thanks TFC, that means a lot.”

Scar was in the middle of catching TFC up on what he missed from day one when something red and very fast crashed into the balcony. The something in question turned out to be Grian, shimmering wings protruding from his back. Something must have been wrong, since winged hermits tended to refrain from flying early in the season, in the name of fairness.

“Scar we need your- Oh heeey, I didn’t know you had company over!” He leaned on the railing, his urgency replaced with a forced cheerfulness as he (quite obviously) pretended nothing was wrong. What was probably supposed to be an easygoing smile stretched too wide, and his voice was more high pitched than usual. “How’s it goin’?”

Scar, completely oblivious, responded excitedly. “Oh, I was just telling TFC here about our adventure in the geode with Cleo!”

Grian’s uncomfortable smile grew wider, and his eyebrows furrowed. “That sounds great, do you think you’ll be done anytime soon?”

“Oh well, I’m not too sure. It depends on when we finish all of these cookies.”

“Oh that’s just wonderful,” Grian’s wings started to twitch behind him, “did you make those yourself?”

Scar took a breath, preparing for a tangent when TFC cut in, showing the poor fairy some mercy. “Alright Grian, out with it. What’s wrong?” Scar stared at Grian, somehow surprised that this wasn’t a completely ordinary visit.

Grian let out a long sigh. “Thank you so much TFC.” He turned his gaze to Scar. “We need a little help with curse breaking.”

Scar set down his mug and gave Grian his full attention, preparing himself for whatever strange curse one of the fairies had set on some poor hermit. “Really? How are you two cursing people already? It hasn’t even been a month!”

Grian’s tangent was accompanied by wild hand gestures that made it difficult to follow what he was saying. “Well, Pearl came up behind Mumbo and spooked him, he shouted something about not sneaking up on him, and now whenever he turns his back on her she teleports directly in front of him.” Grian looked nervously over his shoulder in the direction of Mumbo’s van. TFC followed his gaze, and burst into laughter again.

Mumbo was standing a few feet away from his campfire, spinning in circles and doubling over in laughter as Pearl kept popping up in front of him.

Scar pushed himself up from his chair, TFC followed suit. The pair headed to the door while Grian flew back down, Scar giving TFC a sort of briefing. “Alright, let’s go figure out what exactly Mumbo did before Pearl starts feeling particularly vengeful.”

It took two hours and a lot of trial and error (with TFC giving supremely unhelpful tips), but eventually Pearl could stand behind Mumbo again. At some point Scar accidentally applied the effect to both Grian and Mumbo, and he had to beg the two not to create a space time anomaly. But it was all fixed now, and TFC was sure Pearl’s revenge would be swift and cruel.

Scar made his way back up to the balcony, and the two continued their conversation. It was a good thing Scar had enchanted his mugs, something he had done back in season seven after his drinks kept getting abandoned and going cold.

After a few hours of peace (other than both Mumbo and Grian’s bases abruptly flipping upside down while the boys were inside), the pair was interrupted again by a voice behind them.

“Howdy, Scar. Oh, and howdy to you as well, TFC!”

Neither of them had heard Joe coming, so Scar jumped about a foot in the air while TFC nearly spat out his tea. It turned out that Cleo was there as well, looking quite a bit angrier than Joe, although that wasn’t too uncommon.

“Oh my goodness, Joe you scared the life out of me!” Scar held a hand to his chest and caught his breath as Cleo got right to business.

“Sorry about that Scar,” her voice was flat, and it was safe to assume that she was not, in fact, sorry about that. “But we have an emergency. It’s completely Joe’s fault, he-”

Joe smoothly stepped in front of his companion as he cut her off, “I wouldn’t say it’s entirely my fault, old magic is a fickle thing-”

Cleo shoved Joe aside, stepping in front once again. “He revived my leg!” She raised a foot off the ground and gestured at it with both hands.

Sure enough, both TFC and Scar looked down to see that Cleo’s right leg was significantly more flesh-coloured than the left, restored to what it presumably once was.

Scar’s lingering panic was instantly replaced by an amused grin as he gestured to the leg in question. “Cleo, why don’t you just get your leg reinfected? It’s not like zombies are hard to come by.”

The pair stood still, just blinking. (Completely in sync, it was eerie)

Cleo rounded on Joe and punched at his shoulder just as he raised a hand to deflect her fist. “How did you not think of that Joe?! I thought you knew everything there was to know about-” She gestured wildly about for a moment. “Everything?!”

“Shouldn’t you be some sort of zombie expert by now? How is that my responsibility?” The argument continued as the pair went back into the wagon and down the ladder. As they walked off, presumably to go find a cave, something occurred to TFC. He cupped his hands around his mouth to yell down at them.

“Cleo!” She turned around. “Don’t use Joe as bait!”

She snapped her finger like a defeated cartoon villain, as Joe turned to face her and presumably gave her grief for this evil plot.

It was only about five minutes after Cleo and Joe left (preceded by twenty minutes of arguing) that the next problem arrived, as it often did, in the form of Zedaph, Impulse, and Tango arriving on the shore of the village. TFC found this odd, seeing as how everyone was now connected by nether portals, but he assumed there would be an explanation shortly, even if it didn’t make a lick of sense.

Impulse shouted up from the ground, the three of them clustered near the front of the wagon. “TFC, we need your help!” Well that was a surprise, not many people asked for his assistance other than Scar. “We made an oopsie and Cleo said we could find you here!”

As every hermit knew, ‘oopsie’ was a versatile word with these three. It could mean anything between making a minor mistake in a build to banishing Impulse for the fifth time. “What happened this time?” TFC stood up and made his way down the ladder, since shouting down at them wasn’t very efficient and they didn’t seem inclined to come up.

Impulse started twisting his hands together while Zedaph and Tango tried their best to look innocent behind him. It didn’t work. “Weeell, Tango wanted a terraforming job done around his base, so we made a little deal for it.”

Oh boy. Not much good came out of magical deals, yet the other hermits continued to make them with each other. Demonic deals were especially tricky since the demon didn’t have precise control over their end of the deal, not that it stopped these three. “Tango offered me his first beacon in exchange for the job, and it turns out that a beacon is worth a lot more than I thought- it’s probably easier if we show you.”

“Quick FYI guys: firsts are very valuable in deals! It applies to you as well Impulse, not just the fae!” Scar called helpfully from his still seated position on the balcony.

They all ended up going over to Tango’s house/ shop, which was literally buried in a mound of dirt and stone, along with about three quarters of Bdubs’ giant moon house. That explains why they didn’t use the nether.

The earth was offended after being touched by demonic magic, but after a long negotiation TFC managed to convince it that Impulse meant no harm, and it was happy to return to its prior state. Tango was mildly annoyed that he would have to do the terraforming himself and give Impulse a beacon, but it was better than the wrath he would have faced from Bdubs.

By the time TFC and Scar returned to the Boatem village, the sun was starting to dip below the horizon. While TFC admired the beauty of it, Scar just looked disappointed.

“I’m sorry.”

TFC raised an eyebrow at the wizard, a frown making its way onto his face. “What do you mean you’re sorry? Did you do something to the tea?”

Despite TFC’s attempted joke, Scar still stared at his perfectly polished shoes. “This was supposed to be a nice relaxing day to catch up, and people were just showing up left and right. I mean, we hardly got to spend any time together! Maybe I shouldn’t invite people over with all this wizard stuff going on.”

“But we did spend time together.” TFC’s rough hand landed on Scar’s shoulder, the latter looking up at the former, startled by the contact.

“Well yeah we had tea for a while but-”

TFC had to cut off Scar’s rambling or he would never get to his point. “Yes we had tea, but I’m talking about the rest of the day.” Scar seemed genuinely confused at this. “I helped you un-curse Pearl,” he did air quotes on the word ‘helped,’ “We watched Joe and Cleo argue together, and you came with us to fix Tango’s house.” Of course he didn’t do much other than laugh at Tango’s misfortune, but it was the thought that counted. “Just ‘cause it didn’t go to plan doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time.” After all, not much went according to plan on the hermitcraft server.

Now Scar was smiling. “So I didn’t ruin the day with magical misfits?”

“Not at all.” TFC reached for his mug and emptied it one last time, then stretched before heading out. “But now I gotta get going. I don’t like my chances against the mobs with my crappy iron gear.”

Scar waved once more as TFC disappeared into the nether portal. “Goodnight TFC! And thanks again, for everything!”

TFC smiled as he made his way through the nether tunnels back home. Scar did a lot more for the hermits than he realized, allowing them to be free with their magic in a way they couldn’t back home, TFC included. He’d created a home for all sorts of ‘magic misfits’ as Scar put it, and he performed an invaluable service, whether he realized it or not.

He’s a good kid. Just needs some reminding every once in a while.

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft 8 #magic misfits au #tinfoilchef #goodtimeswithscar #grian #mumbo jumbo #pearlescentmoon #joe hills #zombiecleo #tangotek #impulsesv #zedaph #im not too confident on the Emotional bits but #practice makes perfect i suppose #theres a few things i implied here so feel free to ask and clear things up

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spitefulcrepechan · 3 years ago

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Allow me to spend the next few minutes rambling about why yall are stupid for hating Ice Juggler Cookie just because they're "rude"

Also since idk Ice Juggler's gender I'll be using they/them pronouns for them.

So the major complaint ive seen people have against Ice Juggler is the fact that they're very passive-aggressive and rude towards people. Not rude as in like Devil Cookie rude but like Karen-level sort of rude

I can understand why, some people just don't like rude cookies, some prefer more mellow cookies like Herb Cookie or depressed cookies like Sea Fairy Cookie

My issue however is that people are unjustifiably hating Ice Juggler for being rude without seeing WHY they are so rude.

And I'm here to insert that knowledge into your skulls with 2 simple bullet points

1. Their job in the circus

Jobs aren't always fun, the very definition of a job isn't to be fun. While people can have fun or are content with their job, some people don't exactly like it for various reasons; Too stressful, bad work enviromemt, low pay, etc.

Some people could argue that working in a circus, specifically as a clown, would be a very fun job. Other's however could argue that its bloody hell. While I can't say this for anyone, I can see why that other side would say that.

Picture yourself as Ice Juggler, you're suppose to go around on stage, rolling a ball around beneath your feet while you juggly at ice cream scoops while people laugh at you. You're struggling to try and keep the ball rolling, keep yourself juggling, and make sure you don't crash into anyone or anything, coupled by having to jump from ball to ball. One slip up, and people will either laugh at you or boo in disappointment, and if you get the latter, your boss won't take kindly to that. But if you get the former, you're probably still gonna be a bit pissed because people are laughing at you getting seriously hurt. I know the intent of clowns are to be comically injured, but Ice Juggler isnt a cartoon, theyre a living breathing cookie who can get hurt. And while it may not be so bad the first time, having it happen to you over and over again could probably chip away at your sanity.

And before you ask "Well, Ice Juggler can just get a different job if they don't like it!" You're still just be assuming shit simply by force glance. The circus could probably give them decent pay and they seem to be capable of doing their job right, so they may WANT to leave their job but they may NEED to keep it, either because Ice Juggling's the only good thing they're good at (duh its in the name) or because theyre need to money.

2. How they're treated at their work place

Even if they do passionately love juggling and rolling on balls, the way their boss, Choco Cup Cookie, treats them is just atrocious

(Credit to Royal Mike on youtube for the screenshots)

An example being how Choco Cup Cookie tells Ice Juggler Cookie to shut up after judging an audition of someone, later saying "someone might hear you"

Publicity is one thing but the welfare and the freedom of your employee's speech is another, and this is clear evidence that Choco Cup neither cares or is ignorant about how Ice Juggler feels about shit.

Now some people may assume that Ice Juggler is being way too mean about the cookie's audition, but we dont exactly see what the cookie's audition was. It could have been atrocious, it could have been brilliant, we're never told this. We just know that Ice Juggler found it awful and Choco Cup found it "not so bad", which may hint at it actually being as awful as Ice Juggler implies but for now, again, its just speculation.

The point here is that Choco Cup isn't allowing Ice Juggler to voice their opinion/criticism, especially when theyre doing a task THAT GIVES THEM THAT OPTION. The cookie auditioning asked to be judged by Ice Juggler and Choco Cup, and Ice Juggler gave them their judgement, to which Choco Cup tried to shut them up for.

Aaand to make matters worse, Choco Cup's literally telling Ice Juggler that they're not allowed to express their emotions, which Choco Cup's clearly aware of, since it'll damage the circus' reputation.

Dunno about that but clearly that is a sign of some major fucking mental manipulation.

If you have to say that one's emotions will ruin your company, then honey, your company is already running straight towards hell

Especially when you have to physically shut them up. (For context for those who weren't around during this event (like me), its Banana Cookie's turn to audition and its implied that Choco Cup covered Ice Juggler's mouth giving the *URMPH*)

And before you assume that Ice Juggler is being a douche solely for being a douche

Bitch

Literally saying that Banana Cookie's performance wasn't all that bad. Wasn't great, but wasn't horrid either.

EVEN BANANA HERSELF SEEMS AWARE ABOUT ICE JUGGLER'S CRITICALNESS AND WANTS SOME OF THEIR CRITICISM

AND WHAT DID GUD OLD CHOCO CUP COOKIE DO?

Put words in their fucking mouth

Am i making my point clear?

Can you see why ice juggler is so pissed? Because their boss is literally prevent them from being anything more than an ICE JUGGLER

Literally go to hell choco cup

Sorry that this one was alot longer than part 1 but i felt like i had to expand a bit more on this cuz theres a lot to unpack here. Theres some more atrocities Choco Cupfuck has done but this is prob enough to show a good reason why Ice Juggler is rude af

Anyway i hope yall like this post and while youre valid for disliking Ice Juggler, i hope you at least understand why they have one of the reasons you potentially dislike them for. Feel free to add your optinions or anything i missed, reblog, whatever

#cookie run #ice juggler cookie #ranting #rambling #literally wrote this post after talking about banana x ice juggler with toto

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ajthedumbass · 4 years ago

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Son of a Preacher

Summary: Patton Hart lives in a small town. As son of the local preacher, he’s supposed to be an example of a good Christian son. While trying to meet expectations, one boy might change his life.

Pairings: Mainly intruality, with side analogical and roceit

Warnings: Alcohol, underage drinking, religion, implied abuse, homophobia, swearing, mentions of sex, internalized homophobia. I think thats all but let me know if theres more

All Parts Next Part >

Chapter 1

Patton Hart had always been a good kid.

He went to Church, he helped clear the table, kept his room tidy and his grades high. He never went to parties, or did drugs, or drank anything other than the wine he had for communion. He never acted out. He didn’t want to ruin his family’s image of the perfect “traditional” family.

His mom was a teacher at the town’s elementary school and taught Sunday School on the weekends. She always had dinner on the table at 6pm and hosted bible study groups for the local moms every Wednesday and Friday.

His dad was the town’s preacher. Everyone knew him. They all loved and respected him. He was looked up to by many in town as both a leader and as a great father.

His older brother Percy had been the star of the high school football team. Popular at school and was now engaged to the former head of the cheer squad. He got accepted into multiple top colleges for his athletic abilities. He was the “perfect” son, even though Patton knew of several impure things Percy would do behind their parent’s backs when he lived at home.

And then there was Patton. The sweet boy who rarely got in trouble and did everything he could to be as “perfect” as his brother. He was the kind of boy every parent in town would want their daughter to marry. Though, he never was interested in dating. At least that’s what he told his parents. There was one thing he kept hidden from them.

He was gay.

Sunday was a church day as always. Patton and his mother in the front to be close to Mr. Hart as he gave his weekly sermon. Something about some sinner in the bible and what not. Sometimes his father would start talking about how being gay is a sin.

If only he knew.

Patton gets up in the middle of him talking, excusing himself and listening to his mother tell him to hurry back. He just wanted to get away from the homophobia before his brain starts acting up again. He walks to the bathroom, the smell of alcohol affronting him as soon as he enters. Two boys stand in the corner, drinking from a flask and laughing at some crude joke one of them told. He tries to just quickly go into a stall without drawing attention to himself, but is noticed by one of them. “Hey, you’re the preacher’s kid, right?”

Patton gulps and nervously looks up with a nod. “Y-Yeah... You know you really shouldn’t be doing that here...” He knew both of them from school. In fact, his best friend was ‘rivals’ with one in drama club and twins with the other. The pair, Janus and Remus, were the complete opposite of Patton, which made him extremely anxious about being alone in the same room as them.

Remus was tall and muscular, dark eyeliner outlining his eyes. He had one brown eye and one green eye, and was totally identical to his twin except for two things. Personality, and mustache. Janus was average height and equally intimidating to Remus. His black hair covered his eyes some, though the big scar that went over his left eye was still visible.

Remus’ eyes light up as he grins. “Wanna tryyyy iiiit?” He holds the flask out to Patton, who very quickly shakes his head. “Your loss!” Remus laughs as he takes another sip. Janus sighs, grabbing the flask from Remus. “You’re already drunk enough. I swear if my flask is empty and I have to deal with my dad almost sober... Dammit Remus!” “Whaaaat?” He whines, pouting like a child.

Patton slips out quickly before either of them can start talking to him again. “I’ll just wait until I get home” He mutters to himself.

Remus runs out after him, Janus behind him. “Hey, what’s your name?~”

Janus sighs. “I’m sorry, I tried to stop him.” Patton half-smiles “I-Its okay... I’m Patton” Remus gasps, acting as though it was the most amazing thing he’d ever heard. “Wooooooooooow! See you later Patton!~” He giggles before running back into the bathroom with his friend.

Patton waves “Bye!”

“I’m gonna kill him... He thinks he’s so much better than me...” Patton sighs “You got the lead, why are you so upset?” Roman gasps dramatically. “Because he... he... he’s just a bitch!” Virgil chuckles as he sits at the lunch table with his boyfriend. “Yeah, and Roman just wants to fuck him.” Logan laugh as Roman flips them off.

Patton grins a little before fake glaring. “Language!”

Virgil rolls his eyes, knowing Patton was only joking. “Sorry dad! I won’t say fuck anymore.”

Patton sighs and laughs. “Don’t make me use the finger.” He jokes, waving said finger at them playfully.

Logan snorts “Yes Pat, because that would be so effective.” Before Patton can respond, someone speaks behind him. “Hey preacher boy~” Patton looks over, seeing Remus again. “H-Hi”

Roman groans “Fuck off Re...”

Remus shushes Roman “I’m having a conversation. How are you Patton?”

Patton blushes a little. “I-I’m good. Uh, how are you?” He asks back. He noticed the way Remus’ hair looked so soft and fluffy, his mustache appearing to match. He wanted to run his hands through it and stare into his eyes.

As soon as those thoughts popped into his mind, the familiar thoughts of hostility towards his sexuality returned. They came any time his family said homophobic things and anytime he seemed to get feelings for a boy. Before he can get too lost in his own thoughts, Remus replies.

“Good. Janus still wants to kill me for drinking his flask.” Roman furrows his brows. “Don’t you have your own?” “Am I talking to you? Anyways, I better go before he finds me and starts bitching about Roman again. Bye!”

“Bye!” Patton giggles and waves, blushing as he turns back around.

Virgil raises an eyebrow. “Patton’s got a crush” “On my brother? Really Pat?” Roman groans.

Patton blushes more “He’s cute... His mustache looks soft...”

Logan grins “I think Patton just likes bad boys.”

“I... Oh there’s the bell, gotta go!” He says quickly, rushing out of the lunchroom.

Patton walks home, smiling as he heads to the pond he always goes to on the way. He smiles and sits on the bench, pulling out the ziploc bag with a few slices of bread in it out of his pocket. He starts tearing the bread, throwing the pieces into the water for his “duck friends”. He sits contently for several minutes, then notices a familiar face slightly up the shore from him. He moves from his spot and stands behind Remus. “Hey!”

Remus turns around and smiles widely “Hi PatPat! You like frogs?” He asks, holding a very small frog in the palm of his hand with the gentleness of a little kitten.

Patton gasps “So cute! Can I hold him?” He smiles when Remus nods and takes the frog happily. “Hi little buddy!”

Remus blushes at the sight but quickly regains composure. “I come here sometimes to go frog hunting. I like to look for bugs too.” Patton chuckles “I can handle frogs... not so much bugs, especially spiders. I like to feed the ducks everyday. I give them a little snack. We’ve become quite good friends... if you want, I have some bread left. We could sit and feed them for a while.”

“That sounds nice” The pair sat on the bench, now feeding the ducks together with the little frog hopping around between them. Patton felt happy sitting there with him. He felt free and relaxed. It wasn’t until Remus reached over to touch his hand that his brain moved from autopilot.

“Can I kiss you?”

#sanders sides #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #intruality #roceit #analogical #tw abuse #tw alcohol #tw religion #tw homophobia #tw internalized homophobia #my fic #my wriitng #son of a preacher

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floatinginwords · 4 years ago

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Saved by the Devil (9/?) - Tommy Shelby

Summary: Reader goes to visit tommy at his office (sorry im bad at summaries lol)

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (Its getting romantic i promise. slowly but surely)

A/n: sorry this took so long to post and make. Semester is already kicking my ass and making me stress. Hope you enjoy and have a fantastic night.

It had been a week since you’ve seen Thomas. Since you told him that you wanted to help him. At first, he was very confused. He had expected you to be angry with him or maybe even cry. But you had asked to help assassinate a general with him.

“Im not getting you involved”

You ignored him already piecing together what the plan might be, “You wrote down, 23-24 seconds? Your gonna kill this guy in that a mount of time with a guard outside and possible more inside. Plus the guy fought so he’ll know self defense…” You had begun rambling and he was just baffled.

“Stop.” He told you, you were making some good points but he didn’t want to bring you in this mess. It was his alone that he must face.

Before the two of you can argue any further, Ada called for him. A phone call she had said. He left you room and never came back. And that was a week ago. You annoyingly asked her everyday and night when he was to return. Now that you knew of the plans and what he was involved in, you couldn’t just let it go. It was dangerous, you knew that. It wasn’t your run of the mill assassination. You don’t know how Thomas was going it on his own or how he even planned on doing it. You had heard the Inspectors words. You know that that held animosity toward the peaky blinder. You can hear in his voice, you felt it in his punches. There was no way that he would give him everything he promised. Thomas needed to be one step ahead of the game. Which you were already conducting for him. You weren’t sleeping as much at night anymore anyway so writing down every scenario and idea you had. And then when that week was done you had it.

“Ada, Ada, ada.” You ran through the halls calling for her.

“What is it?” She asks coming out of her sons bedroom, probably fishing tucking him in for the night.

“Your home in Birmingham, I need the address. Or the pub your brother owns.” You say to her with paper and pencil in hand ready to write down what she tells you.

“Why?” Ada raises an eyebrow before passing you to go to her own room. You follow her.

“Ada please.”

“Why are your trying to see my brother? Didn’t you tell me you weren’t gonna work for him?”

“I never said that.”

“What do you like him or something?” Ada fake gags at her own words. Your cheeks warm a little bit but you keep a serious face as you tap the pencil to the paper.

“Its not like that.”

She stares at you long and hard. “I called him for help when you never came home. The man rushed over here like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Ada, an address.”

“ (y/n) your my friend and hes also my brother I just-“

“Its just business.” You scoff at her.

She sighs, “He had someone about a year ago. She was the barmaid at the pub.”

“I’m not interested in your brothers history.” You can feel your temper rising at this topic jumping she was doing to you. It wasn’t about what she was implying at all. You wanted to help him that was all. You didn’t care about who he was with years ago or even now.

“You are in his whereabouts.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. Ada tilts her head and smiles, thinking she’s got you. You turn around ready to leave to your room when she finally spills the address for you.

***************************************************************

You stood outside the building where Ada told you was Thomas’s office. You hoped he was there to hear you out. You were going to try to convince him but you had no certainty that you would succeed. You walked inside to find a bunch of woman inside talking. One was short and very pregnant, the other tall and slender and the last one a bit older but looked the scariest out of all of them. They stopped talking as soon as you entered.

“Umm excuse me…” You stuttered under their judging glares “Im looking for Thomas Shelby.”

At first none of them say anything. They continue to stare at you. You meet the older ones eyes. You regret it instantly as you feel a fearful shudder go down your spine. That was a woman you did not want to mess with.

“What do you need with mr. Shelby?” the tall one asks

“Look at her Liz, what do you think she’s here for to take your place,” the pregnant one snickers.

“Shut up Esme.” The older one says.

“I just wanted to talk…if he’s not here….” You trail off.

A door in the back opens and out walks the devil himself. He glances up expecting only the three woman from himself maybe Michael or Finn and instead finding one more woman amongst the group; you.

“(Y/n).” he simply states putting his hands in his pockets.

You don’t say anything observing how awkward and tense you feel with these women.

The older one speaks up, “Is this how your getting my son out of jail, Tommy. By fucking some whore?” She spats at him venom filling her voice.

You’re about to speak up for yourself when Thomas opens his mouth first.

“She’s not a whore, Polly. And Michael will be out soon. (Y/n) step inside..” He gestures for you to go in to his office. You feel very heavy under all their stares as you walk. You remember the name Michael. He was the young boy at the horse auction you had met.

Thomas closes the door after you. You sit down crossing your legs and lacing your fingers together. Thomas sat next to you on the chair rather than across.

“You’re looking better.” He says noticing the bruises on your face were fading.

“Thank you,” You say, “They seemed on edge, is everything all right?”

“That’s just the way they are.” He says.

You don’t say anything and just stare him. You knew he was lying. He chokes under your gaze.

“Arthur and Michael are in jail. I’m working on it though.” He says swallowing hard. You didn’t press further, you could tell he was having a rough time.

“I hope it works out.” You say, you clear your throat and adjust your self on the chair, “You shouldn’t kill the general at his house.” You spit out.

“Jesus Christ Woman.” He says shaking his head.

“Hear me out.” You plead.

“Why do you want to do this?”

You ignore him. Instead you tell him your whole plan. How he could kill two birds with one stone.

“If your still going to Epsom, you can get Sabini. Maybe not kill him but screw him over. Are you still seeing May?”

He nods.

“Good you probably already know she’s got influence on the board. You use that to your advantage when you take Sabini men licenses. You go through her to get your men to what they need. Then the races are yours.”

“How will we burn their licenses when theres fukin police everywhere.

“They wont be around when they hear gunshots.”

He takes a moment letting your words and plan sink in. He rubs his lip.

“We could burn the license’s gonna have to threaten them to take it,” He says muttering to himself, “The general why would he even go there?”

The two of you talk for hours inside that little office of his. Drinking and talking of the plan. He tried to shut it down multiple times, trying to get you think twice about getting involved. But your mind was already made up. He seemed to like you idea, adding on to yours and even sharing details of the private mission of to you. It was like a weight lifted off his shoulders as he told you the how he had even gotten involved in this political mess. Soon the drinks clouded both your minds and it was no longer business that you were just talking about.

“So what you want out of this?”

“You said the government involved right with this…the prime minister knows what your doing?”

“Aye…”

“Then maybe he could get me a new name or-“

“Why do you need that?” He asks you

“You can never live just one life…” You smile trying to joke.

He stares at you intently, “Why did your father lock you up in that place?”

Your smiles drops, he notices it his eyes softening just a bit. “Sorry, it just came up in my head.”

“Do I sound crazy to you or something?”

“Its just a question ive had in my head for awhile. Its none of my business.” He stares at you deeply.

“No its not,” You say softly, “I don’t know why he put me there either. Maybe cause he could. I mean I never asked him.”

“So when you get your new name what are you gonna do? Ride out in the hills, find a husband, push a few kids.”

You laugh at him, he smiles when the sound hits his ears. “You should smile more, Mr.Shelby.”

“Tommy. Why do you call me by my last name.”

“Its too make sure you don’t get comfortable. This,” you gesture to the two of you, “is strictly business.”

“Why of course. Another drink?” He asks getting up for more whiskey. You nod. Your cheeks were flushed and head dizzy. You were beginning to forget what self control was. You mouth moving before you can even comprehend your next thought.

“Ada told me how you had someone last year.”

He stops pouring the drinks to look at you. His back stiff and free hand curled into a fist.

You continue talking, not looking at him. You weren’t looking at nothing in particular really. “I never had anyone.” His figure relaxes when he looks you more closely. Your body a bit limp, eyes glossy, your speech a bit slurred. You didn’t hold your liquor too good.

“What else did Ada say?”

You giggle remembering. Ada thinking you had a thing for her brother. How ludicrous! You glance toward the man, a little smirk resting on his pink lips and head tilting toward you. His blue eyes shining at you with an emotion you couldn’t quite detect. A strange feeling flutters in your stomach. You stop giggling and clear your throat.

“I think I should go. It was good talking to you.” You stand up way too fast. You begin to see black spots all over and the loss of balance.

‘Fuck’ you think to yourself, thinking about how your gonna embarrass

yourself falling to the floor.

But then you feel a pair of hands grab at your arms and spin you around. You fall into Mr.Shelbys chest and for a moment he holds you there. And for that moment you smelled the cologne and whisky on his clothes. You felt the calluses on his rough hands against your soft skin. You felt the slight beating of his heart in his chest. You think if you look up you’ll get to see if the blues in his eyes are as clear as you think em to be.

But the moment is gone an you both step away from each other, awkwardly. You swaying on your feet trying to regain balance and him hitting the drawer behind him.

“You shouldn’t go home at this time (Y/N)” he finally says deciding to ignore what just happened. Which was fine with you. You felt very nervous all of a sudden and very, very confused.

“Come with me.” He says taking you by the crook of your elbow and leading you out of the building. You didn’t want to admit that you liked the way it felt when he had grabbed you and the two of you walked out together, you couldn’t help but think of when and if he would do it again.

Read Pt.10

Tags

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @evelyn-4034

@ms-dont-care

#peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #tommy shelby #peaky blinder fanfic

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bangtan-gal · 5 years ago

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Hwang Hyujin x Fem!Reader gang!au powers!au Warnings: implied smut, swearing, attempted murder (kind of??), major angst i’m really sorry oops, dubious consent, excessive drinking, theres a lot of backstabbing in this, y/ns character is very questionable, dfhdohfdihfsh Word count: 10.3k once again im really sorry, this is kind of dark and sad and oopsies? And although I’m pretty sure people know this, I’m just going to put a disclaimer that this is not how I see any of these members. The characters created in this were just for the sake of the plotline. Thank you!

The hum of the bar sounded far away as you shifted the white powder into thin lines. Your friends crowded around you, swaying in excitement as they waited for you to finish your assault on the drugs. Once you did, you stepped back, allowing them to sniff it up like a bunch of dogs. Laughter and cheers broke out as someone finished first and you clapped along with them. Puppy dog stares were thrown your way as the coke completely disappeared and you pulled another bag out with a roll of your eyes.

A smirk pulled over your lips as another round of applause consumed the place. You stepped away, letting your friends decide how they distributed the drugs. With a sigh you slid into the booth, taking a sip from your water bottle. The feeling of a thousand eyes watching you made you feel itchy, but you forced yourself to remain cool as you kept your interest on your friends’ actions. That was the biggest problem of being your father’s daughter: the constant attention, the judging, the silent whispers when you passed by. As stupid as it sounded, these people viewed you as if you were a god of some sort. It made no sense considering that you had nothing to do with the business and you never would. You had zero interest in your father’s business, but it was just the fact that your father was so respected that had people watching every little thing you do.

And you knew what they said whenever they say you. ‘Is she really his daughter?’ ‘How could someone so smart have such a troublemaker as a child?’ ‘Does he know what she does when his back is turned?’ Your father did know what you did and whether he approved or not, he said nothing. It had been made clear ever since you were old enough to understand that the only thing you shared with your father was blood. As long as you smiled and looked pretty for the cameras, you were free to be as stupid as you wanted. And that’s exactly what you did.

“It must suck to be compared to him all the time.”

You pretended to be surprised as you craned your neck to meet the stranger’s gaze. You’d seen him staring you down earlier and had watched with a sly smirk as he approached as carefully as he could. He tilted his head, his sandy blonde hair—obviously dyed—shifting along his forehead. He reminded you of the pretty boys you always ran into at the gala, from the expensive, but casual dress to the cold, calculating stare that burned in his eyes as he observed you. But like every other time, you decided to bite the hook he threw your way to see what he was attempting to sell.

“A bit,” you hummed, turning away and sipping your water again. If he wanted to talk, he’d have to sit down in your eyesight. You weren’t going to give him the ego boost of turning to look up at him. You forced your smirk away as he sat down in the booth with you. “But it stopped affecting me a long time ago.”

He nodded, gaze flicking to where your friends argued over the splitting of the drugs.

“I suppose I can’t relate to that one,” he muttered, “my parents aren’t really the kind to live up to.”

Your gaze remained cool, but the comment took you by surprise. At this point, most of the boys would be trying to convince you that both of you were in the same boat: overbearing parents, hating the rich life, miserable with their lives. Your eyes unintentionally narrowed, wondering what kind of game he was going to play at.

Maybe he’s not playing a game.

You brushed aside that thought. Not once in your life had you been approached by someone who didn’t have an ulterior motive. Their belief was that someone like you could get them anything. It wasn’t exactly a lie, you probably could, but their main goal was your father and little did they know that your father would never give you anything. His number one rule was that you had to get everything on your own. He built his company from the ground up, now it’s your turn.

This boy just had a different strategy than the others.

“I doubt you rebel to gain your father’s attention. Actually, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with him, right? This is all for your own sake.”

This time, you failed to hide your surprise. Your lips parted as you side-eyed, setting your water bottle down. He wasn’t even paying attention to you, he was just staring at the people who kept glimpsing over in your direction. You looked over at them too, eyebrows furrowing until they looked away with a sheepish gulp. You turned back to the boy, eyebrows raised.

“Got any more assumptions you’d like to make about me?” You asked. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Well then, I suppose I should get out of your hair now,” he huffed, standing up. You watched as he sauntered away, back towards the bar. You bit your lip and then with a sigh, you stood up and hurried after him.

“Hey—look, I’m sorry about being cold, it’s not everyday a nice person approaches you in a club after you’ve just given your friends a bunch of coke. I’d like to talk a bit more…” you trailed off, uncertain of what exactly you were doing. You were never like this. “But let’s do that outside, yeah? It’s kind of loud in here.”

He grinned at you and then as corny as it was, offered you his arm. Your elbow linked with his, a sarcastic smile pulling at your lips as the two of you left the club. The cool night air was a relief as it brushed against your bare arms and you breathed it in. The crisp taste was a big step up from the disgusting smell of sweat, alcohol, and the bitter scent of drugs. The two of you walked down the sidewalk for a while, not saying anything to one another.

“You know, if we’re being honest here: I didn’t know who you were until just a few moments ago. The people I was sitting next to were talking crap about you, but it just seemed like they didn’t know you at all and I wondered how they could be so mean to someone they didn’t even know,” he muttered, “so that’s why I talked ot you. I supposed I… felt bad I guess.”

You tilted your head, a small smile pulling on your lips. Then you ducked your head, face starting to heat up.

“Well… thanks. I guess you’ll need a proper introduction then; I’m Y/N,” you murmured, shaking his hand.

“Hyunjin.”

The two of you kept walking. You didn’t realize it at first, but it seemed you were moving towards you apartment a few blocks away. Truth be told, you didn’t know what you were doing. This wasn’t exactly who you were: you didn’t just start making friends with outsiders, you stayed in your tight friend circle, using it as a protective shield. But you couldn’t deny that you were willing to let this guy take you to bed, for whatever reason.

“Why do you let them treat you that way?” He asked. “The people that judge you. You’re not so bad, why let people believe that?” You stopped walking, staring at the ground in front of you. There were a few people who could see past your front of not caring, but they never asked you if you were okay truly on the inside. They never asked why. Although, you never asked yourself ‘why’ either and you weren’t sure you had an answer.

“Why?” You repeated, looking up at him. Then you shrugged. “I wish”—you coughed—“I wish I knew why.”

Something flashed across his face, but it was too fast for you to be able to read it. He tucked his hands into his pockets, a melancholy smile on his face.

“So, did you have any plans of dragging me out here or we just going to walk until we run into a wall?” He asked, successfully taking your mind off of your inner struggles. Then you shrugged, brushing against him.

“Well, my apartment is right around the corner, I’m sure we could talk more there.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

You lead him back to your apartment, swiftly unlocking the door and stepping into the place. You were glad you had decided to clean your place on a whim. When you turned around to ask if he wanted anything to drink, you found him directly behind you. His lips crashed against yours and you gasped into the kiss, your hands clutching at the front of his jacket. He pulled back, dark eyes searching your face.

“I hope this is what you meant when you said talk more,” he mumbled, laughing slightly. You chuckled, wrapping your legs around his waist when he hoisted you up.

➻➻➻➻➻

Your phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. A loud groan fell from your lips as you rolled over, sleepily searching for it on the nightstand. Your fingers gripped it and you opened it, eyes blearily squinting at it. There were a bunch of texts from your friends, asking where you were. There were two texts from your mom, wishing you goodnight and you smiled at that.

You shut off your phone and set it down, but when you tried to shut your eyes, they kept fluttering open from the light peeking past your curtains. And it didn’t help that it was freezing cold. Your arm flopped across the bed as you tried to grab your blankets, only to realize somebody else was completely burrito-ed in them. With a gasp, you sat up, pressing a hand to your head.

“Ah, fuck,” you huffed. You didn’t even drink last night, but you must’ve been so tired because your memories were struggling to sort themselves out. He approached you, you shooed him away, but then decided against it and now he’s in your bed… stealing your blankets and completely naked. “Wow.”

You stared at him for a few seconds before deciding to just let him sleep and then you’d carefully nudge him out the door once he woke up. You pulled a sweatshirt and shorts on, stumbling on sore legs to the kitchen. It was embarrassing; your legs were all wobbly and there was a trail of clothing leading out of your bedroom. In silence, you made yourself cereal and sat down on the floor, spooning it half-mindedly into your mouth. Due to your lack of trust for people, you weren’t much of a ‘one-nightstand girl,’ but you decided to break it just because of some pretty, poetic-sounding boy? A boy with a suspicious purple, gradient tattoo of a tiger.

“Do you always sit on the floor when you’re eating?”

Milk sloshed everywhere as your spoon accidentally dropped into the bowl. You glanced up mid-chew, staring at the boy. He was on the other side of the island, so all you saw was his bare upper-half; and it made you wonder if he had any pants on. His hair was a mess and his under eyes were puffy.

“I didn’t have the energy to walk back to the table,” you commented. Your body shook as you stood up and the clang of you placing the bowl on the counter rang through the kitchen.

Thankfully, he had pants on.

He shifted nervously, his gaze studying the clean, white interior.

“I-I should probably leave,” he stuttered. You nodded slowly, watching as he looked around for his shirt.

“So was all that smooth talking last night just to get into my pants so you could go back to your buddies and brag about it?” You queried. He froze, staring at you. You crossed your arms.

“No, I—”

“That tattoo, that’s a gang symbol right? The big one that resides in the Deep City? Go you, you can go back and laugh about how stupid I must be to sleep with some guy after knowing him for ten minutes!”

He take a deep breath, eyes closing for a moment.

“I was supposed to kill you Y/N.”

For a split second, it felt like you couldn’t hear anything. Your ears started ringing and your heart just stopped. He had a million chances last night: you didn’t exactly keep a physical or mental guard up around him last night. You fell asleep in the same bed as him. Yet, you were still alive. Your mouth went dry.

“Th-then why didn’t you?” You whispered, eyes wide as you stared at nothing in particular. You couldn’t find it in you to look at him.

“Because the reasoning behind it was stupid, especially considering just how… how human you are,” he explained, “I guess it’s just the people I live around and the one’s I’ve interacted with always seem so inhumane that I forgot there’s people out there who aren’t stepping on anybody that gets in their way.”

You could’ve died last night.

Hyunjin approached you slowly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“You were my mission and I couldn’t finish it,” he said, his hand slowly sliding down your arm and then letting it go. “But I fear that I may have put you in more danger than if I just killed you.”

You looked up quickly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He laughed, but it was high-pitched and shaky.

“Chan is going to be pissed, that’s what it means. The point of killing you was sending a point to your father, but with nothing happening, he’ll continue to just go through with what he was doing.”

You watched as Hyunjin started pacing, his brow creasing and lips turning down. You were glad that you were still alive, but part of you was really starting to feel bad for him. Maybe it’d be better if he did kill you. This Chan guy must be fucking terrifying.

“What exactly is it that my father is doing?” You asked slowly in a low voice.

“Your father has been getting in contact with gangs throughout District 9 and has been gradually cutting off the lower class from the trading cites. His business has become as successful as it has today because we gave him his start-up sum and we agreed to back him up as long as he followed the rules we set. Unfortunately by doing what he’s doing he’s broken those rules and we decided to send him a warning, which h—”

He was cut off by the obnoxious ringing of a phone. Hyunjin stiffened, pulling his cell from his pocket and staring at the device. Teeth dug into his bottom lip as he looked up at you.

“Look Y/N, you should be dead. As far as my gang knows, you are dead, got it? I need you to stay low and not attract attention to yourself until I can think up some solution. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.” And with that, Hyunjin answered the phone, muttered a ‘Hi Chan!’ and then raced out of your apartment. You watched him leave, heart hammering. But the fast pace of your heart wasn’t from fear—a smile was pulling over your lips as you remembered all the crap your father used to spew about building from the ground up. All these years you’d been forced to believe your father was some kind of god, but he was just as human as everyone else: a human who had gotten himself in quite a mess.

You gave yourself an hour to get ready before you slid into your car and raced towards your father’s work. Around this time he’d probably be enjoying a salad in his office, reading through the newspaper, and probably muttering to himself about what he would be doing if he wasn’t stuck in his office. Your palms grew sweaty as you pulled into a staff parking spot and made your way into the building, waving at the receptionist as you passed by to the elevator. You stared back at yourself in the doors as they closed, thinking through what you’re going to say.

Your chin stayed high as you marched down the hallway towards your father’s office. The door was cracked open and as you peeked in, you were slightly pleased to see that you were right. You swung the door open, letting it loudly bang against the door stopper before you fully stepped into the large space. He looked up, both eyebrows raised as you strutted towards the desk, plopping yourself down in the seat. Your father chewed his salad slowly, fork hanging halfway between his mouth and the container. He set down the fork and swallowed, wiping his mouth.

“What brings you here Y/N? I thought you’d still be bed around this time, nursing a hang over,” he grumbled. You scoffed, crossing your arms and leaning back in the seat.

“Don’t act like you know me so well; ‘cause if you did, you’d know I don’t drink,” you muttered, “and I came here to talk about business. I mean, why would I visit you in the dainty little work place if it wasn’t to talk about something work-related?”

Your father looked more disappointed than the time you came in to tell him you crashed your new car. He didn’t prompt you as to what you came to talk about, instead he went back to eating his stupid leaves. A grinding noise filled your head as you pressed your teeth together and out of defiance, you threw your legs onto the desk. He didn’t even flinch.

“I heard you’ve been talking to some gangs—what are you planning? Going to start some trouble?” You snapped. That caught your father’s attention, although you had to have a trained eye to notice it. He only paused his chewing for a second, one of his eyebrows ticking upwards slightly and his nostrils flaring. You bit your lip to hold back a smirk. “Are you trying to use them to get out of whatever agreement you’re stuck in? Maybe try to get info out of them?”

You paused, tilting your head, but your father refused to grace you with a reply.

“I think it’s funny that you’re doing that, considering how you made an agreement with that one gang—Miroh—isn’t it? They’re the ones who invested in your company and they can probably topple everything you’ve created with just a bat of an eyelash, but you still have the guts to go against them? Sometimes I really have to wonder if we’re actually related,” you hummed, looking down at your nails.

“How do you know all of this?” His voice was dry as he asked the question. You looked up, feigning surprise.

“Oh so now you want to talk?”

“Y/N, tell me how you know all this? Who told you all this?” He snarled, tossing your feet off the desk. You refused to let yourself flinch, keeping your gaze cool as you stared him down. You leaned forward, elbows resting on your knees.

“Do you really want to know, father? Do you want to know how they were planning to kill me in order to get to you? And how I so willingly let one into my apartment; and not just my apartment, but my bed and well, m—”

He cut you off by pounding on his desk. “You’re lying—if they wanted you dead, you’d never see the light of day.”

“You don’t seem too upset by the idea of me getting slaughtered by one of your friends.”

You couldn’t help but smile, seeing just how ticked off your father was. It may have been childish, but getting under his skin was one of the few things that brought joy to you.

“It’s true, but the one he sent wimped out for whatever reason. Told me to ‘lay low’ as to not attract Chan’s attention. He also told me about what you’ve been doing: so is it true? Are you drabbling with other gangs? What are you getting into; drugs, sex-trafficking, using them to kill people who get in your way? What about cutting off those who can’t pay for the luxuries you bring to this district? Why would you do that? You’ve always hosted a fair business so that everyone would have a chance to get up on their feet and survive; why decide to stop helping those in need now?” You kept firing the questions, watching as his eyes got darker and darker. He took a deep breath, eyes closing for a millisecond, before he opened them again to stare you down.

“At the end of the day, Y/N, this is my business and it’s my decision what I do with it. I don’t understand why you care so sud—”

“Because I’m not going to be killed because someone wants to soil your name. I don’t even owe you that much.”

Silence followed after that. It was a truly amazing sight. You had never seen your father look so stumped by something you’d said before. He’d always kept the same, blank, uncaring face on whenever you would talk. But now he sat in front of you, mouth hanging slightly open. You had more to say—a lot more actually—but feeling like you just had the last word was a pretty good feeling; so you stood up, gave your father a tight-lipped smile, and then left the office.

➻➻➻➻➻

A week later and you found yourself stuck in your parent’s home, eating a pint of ice cream all by yourself. You had been arrogant to believe you’d make your father stop was whatever he was doing with the half-assed speech you gave him. He continued with whatever business he had with a few of the gangs throughout District 9 and to keep you safe from Miroh, he demanded you come home and hide behind the tall walls and many bodyguards of this place.

“You know your father doesn’t like you eating in the living room, Miss Y/N,” Hattie, the butler, murmured as he stepped into the room. You took another large spoonful of the ice cream.

“Yeah? Well tell him I don’t like my life being threatened because of his dumbass actions.”

You didn’t even like vanilla ice cream, but it was the only sweet thing you could find in the hellhole.

Hattie cleared his throat, “well, you are expected to be ready by six tonight for your father’s banquet. This isn’t something you can ditch.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he tutted at you and motioned you upstairs. With a loud groan, you stood up and dragged yourself upstairs to take a shower. Nearly an hour later, you stepped out and made your way to your room. A long dress was draped across your bed, a sticky note attached to the top. It was a note from your mom, saying you looked good in black with a little smiley face. No matter how much you hated your father’s little events, you couldn’t go against your mother’s wishes. Making her happy was one thing you could properly commit yourself to.

You took your time getting ready, not bothering to pay attention to the time. The dress highlighted your body where you needed it and the black silk did look good on you. You curled your hair at the ends and kept the makeup application light. You stared yourself down in the mirror for a few seconds, wondering how tonight would go. There would be cameras and interviews and all you had to do the whole time was keep a smile on your face and pretend like you were your father’s number one supporter. You turned as the door opened and sighed when Hattie stepped in.

“Your car is waiting,” he murmured. You grumbled a thanks and grabbed a pair of white heels and followed him downstairs to the car. Neither of your parents were there, instead there were three bodyguards seated in the car. Your expression fell as you slid into the passenger’s seat, eyeing the bulky trio in the back.

“You guys are going to look terrible in pictures,” you grumbled.

The ride there was painfully tense and quiet. The chauffer wished you luck as he dropped you off and you thanked him for the ride before walking into the hall. It was already almost full, businessmen and women conversing and milling through the place. You wandered through, eyes searching the place desperately for your parents. You spotted your mother quickly and hurried towards her. She smiled at you, offering you the second flute of champagne that she held.

“Well it seems I was right, you look stunning in that dress,” she murmured, smiling at you over the glass, “of course, you always look beautiful.”

“Thanks, m—”

“Obviously you got it from me!” She flipped her hair. Then she patted you on the shoulder and slid away, smiling and welcoming the guests. You stood there, clutching the flute in your hands, watching as people moved around you. You faltered as your gaze settled on a tall and lean figure dressed in all white, with an oddly familiar mop of blonde hair. As if sensing your stare, the boy turned around, eyes widening when he saw you there. At first, you thought it was surprise, but instead, horror was painted across his face. As quickly as he could he pushed through the throng towards you.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, sounding breathless once he was in front of you. You snorted.

“This is my father’s banquet, did you just expect me to stay at home with a bowl of cereal?” You snapped. Hyunjin glanced around, his hand wrapping around your bicep.

“Ok I get that, but the problem is that you’re supposed to be lying low,” he hissed. You frowned, eyeing the sea of people, starting to question what or who Hyunjin was scared of. Then you paused, breath hitching slightly.

“What are you doing here? Where're your friends?” You whispered, unconsciously pressing closer to him. “Please don’t tell me—”

His expression said it all. You cursed under your breath, worrying where your mother was.

“Chan… still believes you’re dead,” he muttered, “but since your father hasn’t changed at all… he decided to take matters into his own hands.”

“And what exactly does that entail?” You asked. It was then that you realized Hyunjin was slowly starting to usher you through the crowd, pushing you towards the doors. “Hey, wa—” “Hyunjin!”

The boy stiffened and you did too, head jerking up as two boys dressed in similar suits appeared. One had light brown hair while the other had black. The brown-haired one’s gaze shifted from Hyunjin to you and from just the stare, you felt dead. Part of you wished Hyunjin had killed you because the look of pure, uncontrolled rage really had you fighting the urge to pee. His gaze shifted back to the blonde.

“Why is she still alive?”

Hyunjin awkwardly laughed, “uhhh… surprise?”

Both of their expressions showed that they were definitely not impressed by this surprise.

“That’s why nothing changed, dammit,” the black-haired one huffed, silver eyes flashing as he looked towards you. You looked down, not liking the energy either boys were giving off. Was this your execution? If it was you hoped it was quick and you prayed they didn’t chop your head off. You wanted to be buried as one piece—rest in peace, not pieces.

“Chan, come on, I know we’ve done some really radical things in the past, but… she’s an innocent human. Why should we be dragging her into this?” Hyunjin pleaded.

“Yeah!” You piped up, “my dad doesn’t even like me… he’d probably just continue anyway…”

You trailed off, lips pursing as the one you assumed was Chan stared you down.

“Is everything okay over here?” One of your bodyguards walked over, expression calm as he surveyed the three. This was just getting better. Chan eyed the bodyguard, then looked around at the people around you. Some had started to watch. He cleared his throat.

“I apologize for the mess.”

The bodyguard frowned. But before you could stay around to figure out what he was planning, Hyunjin grabbed your hand and dragged you out behind him. He carelessly shoved people out his way and burst through the doors. You sprinted behind him, just barely managing to keep up with your high heels on.

Then you just stopped running. You tried to keep going, but your body was no longer listening to you. Hyunjin turned around, face paling once he saw your face. Exhaustion started to pour into you and keeping your eyes open became a chore. Hyunjin cursed and started physically dragging you. You proved to be much heavier than he anticipated.

“Minho, come on, get the fuck out of her! You and I both know this is completely wrong,” he growled, pulling on your arms.

“Chan ordered it Hyunjin, it’s pretty simple,” your mouth moved, but the voice that came out of you was different. It was deeper and more husky. “Now not only will she die, but I fear that you won’t see another day.”

“And what will killing her do?” He snapped back, pulling more desperately on you, “her father has no regard for her. He’d grieve for maybe a day, but then go back to what he was doing.”

“You and I both know that her death is more for political reasons than anything else.”

You didn’t like talking about your death as if this wasn’t your body.

The blonde paused and then met your stare.

“You recover pretty fast from any damage your host takes, right? But I doubt you do from any damage your actual body does.”

You wish you knew what the living fuck was going on. Hyunjin disappeared before your eyes and without your consent, your body turned around, gaze searching the area. And then you gasped and there was a sharp pain in your head. You slumped onto your knees, pressing your fingers to your temple. It felt like you had just come up for air after being underwater for a long time. Hyunjin appeared again and he scooped you up with ease, sprinting away.

➻➻➻➻➻

“Why can’t I go back to my apartment or my father’s?” You huffed, curling tighter into the blanket as Hyunjin paced the room. He frowned at you.

“Because those are the first two places they’d look,” he grumbled.

You rolled your eyes.

“You know, I find it funny that you suddenly have decided to hide with me and ‘protect me’ once your life has also been threatened,” you griped. He stopped pacing, turning to you with a furrow of his eyebrows. His eyes glimmered and then he snorted, soft laughs following the noise.

“‘Once my life has also been threatened’? My life was threatened the second I decided to keep your ass alive so don’t pull that shit on me. I was keeping you safe by not interacting with you anymore. How would I explain to Chan why I would be missing for a few hours every day? It’s not like I can just flat out tell him that I’m visiting the chick I was supposed to kill!” He snapped. He shook his head, pinching the bridge out his nose. “God, if I knew you would such a fucking nuisance, I would’ve snapped your neck without batting an eye.” You opened your mouth, but closed it, deciding not to poke at him any longer. You didn’t know what or who exactly he was, but the energy that vibrated off him let you know that you weren’t just playing with fire. Hyunjin’s pacing started up again and you let out a sigh, burying yourself deeper into the blanket. He hadn’t explained where you were, just saying that it would be a safe place until Chan found a different solution. According to Hyunjin, Chan was not one to waste time and was probably already had another plan of action. He said that they might try looking for you for a while, but eventually they’d lose interest and would stop.

The place you were staying at was pretty simple. Almost everything was white: the walls, the floor, the counters, the couch, and anything that wasn’t white was a light gray. The simplicity was enough to drive you insane. The lack of excitement in the place made you feel trapped, despite it being said that white makes things seem bigger. You wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.

And the only way to do that was by working willingly with Hyunjin.

“Okay, but let’s say that Chan still demands both of our heads after he’s come up with another solution… is there a way to talk him down?” You asked, “or maybe there’s a way to get out of here soon and convince him to do something else?” Hyunjin shrugged, slouching down into the armchair. “Unfortunately, Chan’s really stubborn, even when he knows it’s not necessary. He might not try to kill you once this whole thing has blown over… but I doubt I’ll be as lucky.”

You didn’t want to feel any compassion for him—he tried to kill you just a week ago and probably could’ve cut you just seconds ago—but somehow this whole time, you’d missed just how much he was risking. He was still young now and the gang had risen up five years ago—he’d grown up with those boys and now he was losing that family… for you. He was losing his life for a complete stranger. He didn’t deserve any of it.

“W-what’s your exact plan then?”

“Make sure you’re safe and then I suppose I’ll leave and find somewhere else to live,” he muttered, shrugging. You shook your head.

“You can’t just go alone—”

“Y/N, I truly do appreciate your concern, but you should be worrying for yourself. With you no longer being an option, Chan will come up with other ideas… that won’t hurt you, but I fear they’ll do something much worse... “ he trailed off, glancing at the clock on the wall. He cleared his throat. “It’s getting late, we should probably get to bed and we’ll talk more in the morning.”

You wanted to talk more, there was so many more questions that you had, but the exhaustion in his face stopped you. The two of you bid each other goodnight and then you walked to your room, carefully shutting the door behind you. You laid in bed silently for a while, trying and failing to fall asleep. You were wide awake, worry worming its way through your stomach. There was no way you were going to get any shut eye tonight. You sat up, clicking on the lamp beside your bed and then jumped.

“What the living fu—”

The light-brown haired man from before stood at the end of your bed—the own you assumed was Chan.

“I’m not actually here in case you were wondering how I got in here,” he stated, “I’m actually just a hallucination your mind is creating instead of talking to a different voice inside your head. A member of mine has telepathy, if you’re curious.”

Your mouth opened and closed, but you found you had no words. Chan studied the place and then let out a sigh.

“It’s unfortunate you don’t know where you are or else we could hunt you down and get this over with.”

You blinked, trying to find something to say.

“Why are you here?” You squeaked out.

He let out another audible sigh.

“Y/N, I’m not a cruel man. Are my actions always right? No. I’ve always taken it upon myself to make sure that everyone here lives a fairly safe life and mostly behave under a stronger power. You were probably a young teen around the time that the JYP district cut us off and let us fall into a brutal world full of crime and poverty, so you probably remember that, right? I started Miroh because people should never live the way we lived and my goal was to create a power to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves.

“Your mother’s business idea offered a solution that we desperately needed. JYP cut us off because the docks were never safe, but by one simple form of transportation, they would happily start offering us goods again. So we offered them money. Now your parents are taking the money and power they have and using it so that gangs can help them rid of people that they no longer want to feed or help. I apologize that my first idea was to kill you and yes, I heard what you said earlier, but it seems you don’t know the truth about the business,” he stated. His head tilted, eyes glinting. “It is true, Y/N, that if your father was head of the company, killing you wouldn’t do a single thing. But, since it’s your mother who sits back and pulls every string and is the reason for every action that has happened in the company, your death would have worked to our advantage. Your mother was the… ‘all powerful mastermind’ while your father was just the face of the company. She was the one giving commands while pretending to be the perfect trophy wife and mother.”

“You’re lying,” you breathed out. Chan snorted. As the two of you stared at one another, you saw something that was more than a hungry predator. It was a strategist, a puppet master, that wouldn’t stop at anything to get what he wanted. It didn’t matter if that was true or not, because he already had you in his clutches.

“Y/N, I’m here to make a deal and since I think you’re more like both your mother and your father than you think… I have a feeling you’ll accept it.”

You snorted, “you wish.”

He raised an eyebrow, a smirk forming on his lips.

“I don’t wish on shooting stars Y/N, that’s too risky for me.”

➻➻➻➻➻

Several days passed in that apartment, just you and Hyunjin spending every single hour of the day together. The air between you two was tense, with Hyunjin becoming more stressed every day. You found him planning what he was going to do after this whole thing blew over and reading over his terribly made notes, you felt really bad for what you’d gotten him into. He didn’t seem to have much idea of what to do, except that he had to leave District 9 and just start over somewhere else. It didn’t matter how many times you asked him if he was okay; he just continued to claim that it was time for him to grow up and move on.

“So… you’re really going to go?” You asked, sitting down across from him. He glanced up from the stack of papers in front of him and shrugged.

“Well, it’s either that or possible death,” he huffed. There was a joking lilt to his tone, but it wasn’t a good enough cover up.

“Alone?” He searched your face.

“I mean… yeah. The only person I could really bring along with me is… you and I wouldn’t do that to you if it means you could live happily and safely here,” he explained, looking back down at his papers. “Plus, I doubt you’d want to come anyways.”

“I’ve complained a lot Hyunjin, but I do enjoy your company. You have a big heart and we’re all human, right? No one deserves to be alone.”

He laughed, but gave no response. Hyunjin continued to flip through the papers, writing down notes and pausing every now and then to mumble stuff under his breath. You leaned across the table, straining to see what he was looking at.

Papers and maps of the other districts stared back at you. JYP was crossed out with big black letters spelling out “not an option.” SM district had question marks on it, YG had possibility written on it, and district V was also crossed out.

“Why isn’t JYP an option?” You understand V—it was right next to 9 and wasn’t walled in and overly protected. Chan could storm in there anytime and easily find him.

“Chan has connections in JYP—one of our members used to live there,” he sighed, “and honestly, I’m still not comfortable with how close it is. At least there’s a whole district between here and the other capitols.” You nodded, although truth be told you didn’t know much about the other districts besides 9 and JYP. You had never been educated on the places beyond the border and had been raised to believe that this district was the best possible place for you to live. Even now you didn’t know much: you didn’t know how big the overall place was, how far away the other districts were, and if they were “known” for certain things. Hyunjin seemed to realize this quickly.

“We were both part of the generation that was raised to believe that leaving this district would do nothing for us,” he said, a melancholic and nostalgic tone taking over his voice. He seemed to zone out for a while and you wondered what he was remembering. It must’ve been childhood memories from elementary and middle school: during the time they’d been very adamant about that statement. “I guess the only difference between us was that you had to continue through highschool and I dropped out and learned from those around me.”

You nodded and stared at him, wondering if the two of you had ever been in the same school together.

“You know that teaching wasn’t what the District 9 government wanted. JYP enforced that upon us: they were desperate to keep us in so that nobody would have any idea of leaving to go there. They were worried about over population or being overrun by ‘lesser, untrained beings.’ They were trying to brainwash us.”

“Is that another reason why JYP isn’t an option?”

Hyunjin shrugged and continued writing down notes on the paper. You watched him, fidgeting in your seat. What would happen after all of this is over? Would you actually be safe or would you have to go with Hyunjin? “You know, I wasn’t lying when I said I’d go with you,” you stated. He didn’t look up, but you still saw the way his lips rose. You got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. Neither option felt safer: staying here and hoping for the best or following Hyunjin into an unknown plan. He was smart and seemed to know what he was doing, but you also had to take into consideration your other options.

“Y/N, I’m grateful for you offer.”

You blinked, surfacing from your thoughts. Hyunjin reached over you, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet. Your body shivered as he brushed against you and the smell of a light cologne infiltrated your senses.

“The only problem is that I’ve vowed to keep you safe and I’m not even sure if I’ll be safe beyond here,” he whispered. He didn’t move from his position—his arm rested on the counter beside you, glass in hand, chest just inches away from your back. You were total strangers and yet he cared more about your well being than both of your parents ever had.

“You didn’t even know me,” you murmured back.

His other hand fell on your lower waist.

“You don’t have to know someone to know they don’t deserve to die because of their family’s actions…” he trailed off and you felt him lean closer. His warmth seeped into you. “Plus, I have to admit, I was pretty stunned by how beautiful you looked that night.”

You laughed, trying to brush it off as corny, but your body gave you away as your cheeks started to burn.

“Really?” You mused, “are you talking about in the bar or when you had me pinned beneath you on my bed?”

Hyunjin chuckled, his chin resting on your shoulder and arms completely wrapping around your body. You turned your head slightly, meeting his dark stare. His fingers were soft as they reached up to brush across your jawline and gripped your chin. His lips hit yours and he carefully pushed against you. It was a completely different feeling from the last time, he was less persistent. It was sweet and delicate and had you feeling like you were waltzing through the sky. He pulled back, eyeing you through half-closed eyelids. A dopey grin covered his face.

“Honestly, I’ve been waiting to do that again.”

You paused and stared at him for a few seconds.

“You risked your life for me, despite me being a complete stranger,” you said softly. Hyunjin’s face changed, his lips starting to fall. “And you continue to do it… and we don’t even know each other.”

You turned around to fully face him.

“At least let me get to know you a bit so I’ll feel less guilty about everything you’re losing for me.”

A silent agreement passed between the two of you and you walked into the living room, both of you sitting down on the couch, facing one another. Hyunjin took a deep breath and then relaxed. He tilted his head, a lopsided smile taking over his face.

“Why did you join Miroh?”

He sighed, “going right in aren’t we”—he licked his lips—“I wanted a family. A real one. And when I met Chan I was offered the chance to live a life with other boys my age and grow in a close knit circle. I had friends that I could rely on for everything.”

Your lips pursed and you looked down at your lap. “And you gave that up for the sake of my life.”

“Y/N… I’ve killed innocent people before and I’ve always hated it. I guess you… were more like my chance to escape. To prove to myself that I wasn’t a completely horrible person,” he murmured. You nodded, trying and wishing you could understand the situation he was in. But despite growing up under similar conditions and probably only metres away from one another, the two of you had two completely lives. It was something you could probably never completely fathom.

“What’s your favorite color?” You asked, going light.

Hyunjin grinned. “You really like asking hard questions, don’t you? I like black and white.”

“I said the singular form,” you huffed. He shrugged and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“Would you actually come with me if I asked?” You faltered and looked away from his stare. You studied the curtains behind him and pursed your lips. You had offered to go with him, but the question was if you could. Could you leave behind this life you’d grown accustomed to? Did you technically owe it to him because this was happening because he saved your life? There wasn’t much here for you: you parents would never give you the company, you didn’t have any “real” friends, and sometimes you felt lost here. But what was to say somewhere else would be anything different? Although…

Although maybe being with someone who truly cared for you would help. Help you feel like you belong, like you have somewhere to call home.

“I-I think it would be hard… but I think if you asked and really meant it, I would,” you whispered in reply. Hyunjin nodded and paused for a moment.

“I don’t want to be alone Y/N and I want you to come, but I’m not going to ask you to,” he stated, “I have a feeling that taking you away would do more damage.”

You didn’t want to dwell on that; you didn’t want to get caught up in some fantasy in your head and then get your heart broken.

“Where are we?” “I can’t tell you, it could risk Chan finding us.”

“Right. Sorry,” you mumbled.

“No need to apologize,” he sighed and then glanced at the clock, “I’m going to head to the store, okay? Stay put.”

He got up and you let him leave. You had learned quickly that Hyunjin had a way of locking the door on the outside and there was no way to leave while he was gone. You let your eyes shut as you fell back against the couch, wondering what you were supposed to do.

“Couldn’t have tried any harder than that?” You jumped, eyes flying open. Chan stood across from you, arms crossed. You opened your mouth, ready to point out that it wasn’t like you could pry the answer straight out of his head.

“I have to say, I’m slightly concerned right now. It’s really hard to tell if you’ll continue with our agreement or if you’re going to fall for him and his carefully worded poems,” he snipped. He looked around, examining the place. “Y/N, I can tell that you’re starting to like him—actually, you already like him, but your feelings are quickly growing stronger. And I know that right now, you’re not happy with your parents lies, but you and I both know that going with my idea is a much better thought than following Hyunjin into the unknown.”

“You don’t have faith in him? He grew up with you, didn’t he? He must have inherited some of your wit and intelligence or whatever,” you snuffed, “he seems to have a good idea of what he’ll do.”

“What he’ll do without you. You going along changes plans. He’ll have to decide what is better: your safety or his life. I’ve been surprised how dedicated he’s been to you up to this point, but how do you that someday he isn’t going to wake up and realize that all this shit he’s doing for you isn’t worth it? He might just ditch you in some district you’re unfamiliar with and leave you to fend for yourself.”

You grit your teeth. “I don’t believe Hyunjin would do that.” “The only thing you know about that boy is his age, his favorite color, the taste of his lips, and how he feels inside you,” Chan hissed as he walked towards you. He crouched down in front of you. “Hyunjin was trained to survive and you aren’t weak Y/N, but he’ll realize quickly that his best chance of survival will be without you. Trust me. All of my boys have been trained to even ditch one another if it means they’ll see another sunrise.”

You blinked, leaning away from him even though he couldn’t hurt you. Your heart was starting to race. You didn’t like the position you were in.

“I’ve been inside your mind Y/N, I’ve seen your deepest desires and darkest secrets. I know you wish to belong somewhere, to feel like you have purpose in something. With this deal, I’m giving you that chance. So are you going to take it or risk everything you’ve ever known on a boy that has a million secrets that he’ll never tell?”

“I—” you cut yourself off as you heard the door click. You didn’t realize how much time had passed. “I’ll get the information you need to you by tomorrow.”

Morning came too fast. Your head was pounding as you sat up in bed. You groaned, but despite how much pressure was in your head and how sore your body was, you had to get this over with. . You left the room and made your way into the kitchen, staring at the empty wine-glasses and two wine bottles on the table. Of all the things you’d done in your life, you’d never felt this dirty.

“One of my parents' apartments in Glow Town.”

“I can’t believe I did this just for that,” you whispered to yourself. You pulled your sweatshirt tighter around yourself, you were really fighting the urge to throw up. As you looked up, a boy appeared in front of you. The same one from that night—Minho you believed.

“Well,” he hummed, “let’s go.”

He held out a hand and you didn’t ask a single question and just took it. Your stomach folded in on itself as you disappeared. You jumped into a new place—a fancy office. You turned around as you inspected the place and stared at Chan. He sat at the desk, spinning a pen in his hand, dark eyes concentrated on you. Sympathy burned in them.

“Y/N I kn—”

“Can I please go shower?” You asked, your voice raspy. “I-I don’t feel the best and I think a shower would help.”

Chan frowned and glanced at Minho. Then he nodded. Minho lead you out of the office, being careful to not touch you. The place was nice: simple just like the other apartment, but it had more elegant touches. You noticed a few other boys as you passed through the halls, but none of them said anything.

“Everything that you need is in there.” He opened a door and you mumbled a ‘thank you’ before stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You wasted no time turning on the shower and letting the steam fill up the bathroom. You stepped in and then slid onto the tile bottom, bringing your knees up to your chest. Your teeth dug into your lip and you pinched your eyes shut.

Your cries were soft as you buried your face into your knees, body melting. It didn’t feel right to be sitting there, knowing you were safe while Hyunjin’s life was on the line. You gasped, covering your mouth and wished that you hadn’t taken the deal. You should’ve let Hyunjin leave safely. Your parents had lied to you your whole life and although your mother understood you, she barely took the time to talk to you and hangout with you. Would it have hurt that much to let them die? Hyunjin had only cared for you in the short time that you knew him. The least you owed him was a chance at freedom, but you took that away too.

“I fucked up, I’m so sorry,” you mumbled to the air. You felt disgusting. You scrubbed your whole body down, not stopping until every inch of you was bright red. There was nothing you could do to get rid of what you did. It would hang onto you for the rest of you life.

There was a knock on the door and someone told you to hurry up. So you gave yourself another minute to calm down and then stepped out of the shower. There was a stack of cleanly folded clothes on the counter and you quickly put them on. You brushed through your hair with your fingers and then stared at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy and parts of your arms were still red from your vicious scrub down. Dark circles sat under your eyes and there were teeth marks in your lip from where you angrily chewed on them. Then you bent down and searched through your jacket, finding the necklace you’d taken from Hyunjin. You stared at it and then tucked it in your pocket.

You opened the door and found Minho waiting for you. He didn’t make any comment on the fact you’d been obviously crying. He led you back to Chan’s office, but this time he let you go in alone. You did and stood nervously in front of the table.

“Please sit.” “What are you going to do to him?” You rushed out. Chan tilted his head.

“What do you think? I’ve already sent a team out to get him,” he hummed. You swallowed and played with the end of your shirt.

“You’re really going to kill him?”

“He went against my orders and betrayed the gang, he deserves much worse. I’m showing him mercy by doing that,” he said.

“But that’s really being thrown on my shoulders,” you deadpanned. Your hands curled into fists. This wasn’t what you wanted. You couldn’t take this.

“Y/N. you suspected what would happen, but you still gave me a location. We all have to deal with backlash throughout our lives. What you did was for the best.” He said it like it was so simple: as if someone wasn’t going to die. “Now, I put you in charge of your parent’s company. You don’t think it, especially now, but you’re a good person Y/N. You’re the perfect person to run this type of company—you want to help those in need, I saw that inside you. You just have to move on and not let this drag you down. I don’t want a repeat of this situation in the future.”

You slowly sat down in the chair, hands gripping the armrests.

“Your parents already understand the situation. They know what happens if they resist. You’ll be announced as the new CEO in two days and in those days I expect you to go home and rest. Try to sort this out and not be such a mess that day.” He looked up at you and sighed. You probably looked like a charity case. “I don’t want you all teary-eyed up on stage. That won’t work in your favor at all. You need the general public to love you.”

“Yeah,” you huffed, “I understand.”

“Now,” he said, clapping his hands together and standing up. “I have a driver downstairs for you, so let’s get you going.”

Chan escorted you downstairs. The millions of stairs made for an awkwardly long walk. Neither one of you said a word, the only sound being your footsteps echoing loudly in the staircase. You stepped outside and you shielded your eyes from the sunlight. You were about to duck into the car when you were distracted by a commotion. A group of boys were getting out of a car. Chan tried to push you into the car, but you resisted, watching in confusion. Then you recognized Hyunjin, struggling against two of the boys. Your mouth fell open and you didn’t realize that you shouted. You stepped away from the car, watching as the three boys starting moving him towards the building entrance. Hyunjin glanced around and met your stare. For a second, you saw this look of relief in his eyes and something warm, but in a flash in disappeared. There was the startled look of realization and then the hurt and anger that followed.

“Screw you!” He snapped. You stepped back as he momentarily escaped his hold, lunging for both you and Chan. He spit on the ground, his eyes darting between the two of you. But his gaze still softened when it landed on you and you felt bad that it made you feel a bit better. Hyunjin paused and licked his lips. His voice cracked. “I really can’t fucking believe you.”

A shaky breath escaped you as the boys managed to get him under control and he was dragged away. This was your fault. You covered your mouth and quickly crawled into the car. Chan tried to bid you goodbye, but you shut the door before he could. You reached for the necklace in your pocket and stared at it as you were driven away. You pressed it to your chest.

“I won’t let myself forget you,” you murmured under your breath.

➻➻➻➻➻

A year later

Your arms ached as you trekked through the grass. It was slightly muddy, due to the rain just hours before. The place was empty, not a single human in sight. Only gravestones with the occasional soggy bouquet of flowers in front of them. It was slightly cold, a light breeze pushing through your clothes. The sun wasn’t anywhere to be seen, leaving you with just the depressingly, dark clouds.

You still resented Chan and hated the monthly meetings he forced you to go through, but part of you had to owe him this. Him being willing enough to have a small funeral for the boy and give him a gravestone. He hadn’t wanted to, but you had argued for this. Given it your all.

A year had passed since that day. You still regretted everything and sometimes it became too much to bare But somehow, you forced your way through it and now you had a reason to keep going. Just a small reason, but it was good enough.

You paused, staring at the stone for a while. It was a simple gray stone with no fancy carvings. It only held his name on it: no dates and no quote. There were no flowers or candles, just the head alone. You sighed and carefully crouched down, placing the bouquet down.

“That’s your daddy,” you whispered softly to the bundle in your arms. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you smiled. You looked down at your daughter. She was awake, dark eyes staring up at you. “You should always be proud to be his daughter, Noe… he was the best person ever.”

You paused and took a second to wipe away a stray tear.

“He would’ve made an amazing father.”

You brought her up to your chest and kissed her head. You stood up and then looked at the sky. She was your one reason to keep going. The only thing left of him that you had. You wouldn’t let yourself forget him.

And you hoped that his memory lived on with her.

ldufoehdfdlfhdofh i cried

230 notes · View notes

cheswirls · 4 years ago

Text

we come from the ashes (we leave under fire)

aight so now that im fully immersed in psycho pass again its time to drop the different routes of the sa psycho pass au. i think sabo and ace are just enough complex characters with different drives that they could fit into multiple roles in a pp au, so this is jus a fraction based on whats spoken to me. also, theres like, a touch of popular fanon characterization here and there but instead of far-off fanon its could-be-implied-from-canon fanon. regardless this is entirely to my taste.

also these aren’t full scenarios so some of them will cut off at odd moments!! they arent intended to be like outlines, jus my rambling thoughts. ill put a read more under the first one, theres 4 in total rn

route 1: e!sabo (former i) and i!ace [i: ace, lami | e: sabo, law, rayleigh, monet] -sabo is an inspector before ace at a young age (before turning 20) -sabo ends up being a well-rounded member of the team and soon becomes crucial to the overall success of missions -something happens that forces sabo’s hue to take a nosedive, and every little upset pushes him deeper, until his crime coefficient is so high the bureau is forced to remove him from the line of duty -knowing sabo’s innate prowess for the job, he’s placed in protective custody and forced to undergo mental therapy; however, this has the opposite effect, spiking his crime coefficient to almost unseen numbers (600+) -he spends three months in custody under observation, but as the number fails to drop, two key things are observed: 1, sabo is eerily calm for the most part, remaining near emotionless on the outside as a result of a coping mechanism learned through the attempted therapy, and for the most part functions like normal, aside from his absent personality; 2, the most part is there because sabo has brief psychotic breaks, most lasting mere minutes, but the recoil has him down and out of it for almost a full day, like someone with intense manic depression after an episode -knowing they can’t afford to lose a talent like sabo, and understanding the risks, the bureau brings him back under their care as a latent enforcer; aside from his shift in personality, and his lack of authority, sabo enters back into the life he had known before his crime coefficient skyrocketed -enter ace, three years after sabo’s reinstatement -ace and sabo are relatively close in age, but unlike sabo who joined the bureau of public safety immediately upon graduation, ace has a few years more of life experience under his belt before becoming an inspector -no one knows his ambitions or motives, and ace is careful not to let it slip, that he’s striving to uncover the situation that led up to his little brother losing his life -on ace’s first case, lami pulls him aside to say she was taking law, and wanted him to handle sabo and circle around; she warns ace not to let sabo overstep, because the power went to his head; ace asks ‘what are you trying to say?’ and lami tells him if he loosened sabo’s leash, the chain would snap off -sabo and ace, despite being in each other’s care, don’t mesh well together at first; sabo is intent to do things his own way, and is constantly berating ace for doing what he thinks is a second-rate job; the last thing ace wants is a latent criminal constantly correcting his choices and challenging his authority, but he just can’t seem to win with sabo -the first time ace witnesses one of sabo’s attacks is the same night he breaks from lami’s advice, letting sabo separate from him and monet to box in their suspect, monet makes a noise of disapproval when she sees sabo moving away, but when ace asks why, she only eyes him critically and says he’d already made his choice -they continue forward when lami contacts them through the comms, noting their target dot had stopped on the map and asking if ace had them in custody yet; ace admits he and monet were still on their way, so it was probably sabo, and lami cuts him off with a ‘sabo is alone??’ -shit, lami says, and orders him to get a move on, and to remember that they needed this one alive to link the motive to a previous case; her and the two enforcers with her would meet them there, already heading to the fixed location -it’s a frenzy to race to their destination, and ace notices along the way that his baton was missing from his person; monet mentions sabo must have taken it without his knowing, and ace opens his mouth to deny it, but he doesn’t get the chance to when they come out in an open area and find sabo burying the stolen baton into their culprit’s stomach -it’s clear that sabo had taken his time in brutalizing the person already, an when ace shouts over, asking what he was doing, mentions that sibyl’s judgement wouldn’t be enough, so he was doing it his way; ace immediately has problems with this, but him and monet are on an incline, a wide space still separating them from sabo, and his options are limited to pointing his dominator when it’s clear sabo has no intention of stopping, and hoping for the best -except, the best doesn’t happen, because sibyl scans sabo’s crime coefficient at way over 500 and still rising, and before ace’s eyes transforms into a lethal eliminator; sabo looks up, as if sensing this, and freezes as he’s met with the sight, with the dominator trained on him; it’s enough for the person under him to start squirming to get free, and ace doesn’t want to kill sabo, that wasn’t his intention by any means, but it wasn’t like there was a safety feature on dominators, so there was nothing he could do -but he could, because there was still a trigger, and as their suspect claws their way halfway out from underneath sabo, ace makes a decision, quickly pointing the dominator down as he fires, so that it hits their target instead of the enforcer; the person combusts, sabo drops his makeshift weapon and collapses to his knees, and ace’s dominator reverts to its usual state without a target to lock on -sabo still looks haunted, and its worse now that he’s absolutely covered in blood; he starts gasping for breath, curling his arms around his stained suit jacket, and falls completely as his legs give out; his hands shoot out to catch himself, but they keep slipping on all the blood on the ground, and at that moment ace doesn’t see a latent criminal, he sees someone his age looking utterly terrified, so he holsters his dominator and makes to move to help -but monet holds him back with an arm over his chest, watching sabo with a stern expression; ace looks at her incredulously and she tells him to wait in a stern tone, holstering her own dominator to activate her comm and alert lami -sabo’s panic attack has dissolved from breathing at this point, and he’s crying hysterically, one hand clenched in his hair; ace stands still and watches as lami’s group appears on the same platform, level with sabo, and take in the situation very quickly; monet releases him but he doesn’t move forward, and down below, lami ushers for law to stand in front of sabo, holding her dominator level with his chest -the read on the enforcer forces the dominator into paralyzer mode, and law sidesteps just as lami fires, ‘its time to sleep now’, so that it hits sabo instead, cutting off his hysterics as he sags fully to the messy ground -ace realizes then that there was a trick in the system, because when she had pulled off was not unlike what he had just done with his own dominator, delivering the judgement to a different target than the one scanned; lami later admits she’d learned it from the chief inspector upon insistence of the bureau head, for situations like these, because still in moments when it seemed like sabo was too far gone, the public safety bureau still considered him and asset they couldn’t afford to lose -ace isn’t suspended for his actions, but reiju makes it very clear he was on thin ice, and he and lami aren’t on speaking terms just yet; in the lull between cases, with their only lead splattered all over a back alley, ace opts to visit sabo in medical; he had a peculiar situation, the medic ward tells him, sabo up and about around 18 hours after being paralyzed, a little longer than usual, but not behaving like it by any means; sometimes he would fall unconscious, other times he was awake but completely listless, his eyes open but unseeing, his head refusing to rise off the pillows; the ward admits the enforcer would be like this for another half day, maybe longer, though his crime coefficient had dropped down by almost 150 points; when ace asks what that made it now, its with a chuckle he’s told sabo’s range is still exceedingly high, almost at 600 -ace keeps coming back, viewing sabo from behind the glass, until he starts to regain some function; when he responds to a question while having his iv changed, ace convinces the ward to let him take sabo the tea they were bringing in; sabo eyes him critically when he walks in, but ends up thanking ace when he reaches out to take the steaming mug; ace settles into the stool beside the medical cot and sabo lets him be, not questioning his presence, not until ace starts asking questions -but sabo’s anger at being asked why quickly dissipates, his body not able to keep up with the intense emotion, and he shrugs in lieu of an answer, drinks his tea; but ace isn’t leaving, and after a while and an empty mug, sabo admits he was trying to get their suspect’s crime coefficient to rise above 300, because he didn’t like the idea of bringing them in and locking them in a cell when there was a slim chance they could recover, after what they had done -ace is horrified by this, and it must show on his face, because sabo shrugs; that’s just how he is sometimes, he admits; his mind falls into a black pit, and he can’t escape, and when it’s finally over it takes forever to feel like himself again -ace admits lami had it out for him because he killed their suspect, and the laugh sabo produces in response is gruff; she’ll get over it, he says, she’s always like that, he says, she’s not a hard person to piss off, he says; ace asks suddenly why their relationship was so tense, and sabo shrugs, saying him and lami used to be tight, but then he became like this, and she no longer thought society had a use for him

route 4: e!sabo and e!ace (both former i) [i: ace, sabo | e: katakuri, kuzan, shinobu, rebecca] -this is the one i think would be the most fun, but ultimately wouldn’t advance anywhere, with both being latent criminals and being bound by what the position entailed -in this case ace, whose own emotions had always fluctuated and took a toll on his higher-than-average crime coefficient, falls first, driven to near despair when sabo is almost fatally injured during what was supposed to be a routine roundup -sabo had taken an enforcer and was forced into close-quarters combat, and before he could subdue whatever had caused the enforcer to rage, his crime coefficient dips enough for the stunner to paralyze him (thru the enforcer using their own dominator on sabo upon identifying his elevated psycho pass); left with very little option to struggle, sabo is lethally injured and left for dead before backup arrives -ace’s crime coefficient spikes when confronting the scene, and he doesn’t hesitant to kill the enforcer before rushing to sabo’s side; unfortunately, as sabo is rushed to emergency care, his absence does ruin to ace, whose number refuses to fall as his hue grows cloudier -when sabo wakes up, on a long road to recovery, ace is nowhere to be found, and the chief inspector reveals he had been arrested; sabo is frantic, only able to think of ace, and what he was going through now, and why this had to happen to ace of all people, and then of the small box he had nestled in a hidden space in their shared flat, something he would never get to use now -the bureau releases an inter-team statement that ace was not at fault for the enforcer’s demise, ruling it off with use of the dominator, but that didn’t excuse his crime coefficient from refusing to fall, and if he wanted to continue work for the bureau, had to be reinstated as an enforcer -the toll on their new life (ace living somewhere different, ace having a curfew, no longer having ace next to him every second of the day, no longer even to have him to hold at night) is heavy for sabo, and it doesn’t help that ace keeps saying it was expected, that he become just like his father after all -sabo grabs him by the cheeks and tells him to stop, please, bc that wasnt true and saying that would only make it worse, and didnt ace know how much he loved him for who he was already, and that ace was already perfect in sabos eyes; ace apologizes and promises to try better, and sabo breaks away, going on a mini tangent, saying how he couldnt handle it anymore and his hue was getting cloudy, and how ace had to do his best to get out, to stabilize, so that they could begin to return to some sort of sanity -ace promising to do that, and worrying over sabo’s declining mental state, because worrying over him shouldnt have been priority and yet sabo was fretting anyway, and sabo pulls back again to say this was the last time he would see ace for a while; when ace asks sabo admits he was getting institutionalized for treatment, bc it was the only thing he could think to do, and that he wanted ace to focus on getting out, even if he had to be demoted to an enforcer, bc at least he would be out in some sort of sense, and if sabo wasnt waiting for him then he would have to wait just a little longer -the realization of how much sabo was getting affected nearly kills ace, and the weight is heavy in his eyes, enough for sabo to see, and the ring box in his pocket is burning, and he doesnt even know why he brought it with him, bc its not like he could propose to a latent criminal anyway; ace knows what sabo going away means, and even if a thousand questions bubble in his mind, (what about the dog, what about the house, what about the bills, what ab-) he throws them all aside in favor of pulling sabo close, and holding him tight, and promising everything would turn out just fine, even if they would never live the way they used to before case x -(sabo goes home after being released to manage his and ace’s affairs, and ends up giving their dog away before fleeing to a mental facility) -sabo checks himself into a mental facility to deal with the sudden weight on his shoulders, sure that if he continued to suffer by himself he would end up in the same fate as ace -it doesn’t help, though; the facility sets him on a physical therapy track along with a stress recovery one, but the two don’t exactly work hand in hand, as sabo increasingly develops ptsd and more stress from the pt exercises -sabo spends an uncertain amount of time in the institution, and while he leaves nearly fully physically recovered, his psycho pass never regressed to where it was before he was injured -reiju, the chief inspector, comes to pick him up and bring him to the bureau; sabo asks what was going to happen to him on the car ride there, and reiju reveals she would give him a choice, and a handful of hours to think it over; once in her office, sabo finds ace waiting for him; reiju gives them a moment before settling, and tells sabo while he couldnt become an inspector again with his crime coefficient, he could settle for working as an enforcer for another division; she reveals more details re, he would be confined to the bureau’s tower, have restricted access, be limited regarding orders, be under someone’s strict command, etc etc; his other alternate was to undergo treatment in a cell in latent criminal housing, like ace had tried -sabo is given three hours to think it over, and reiju lets ace take him from the room; before ace can drag him far, he brings him to a sit-down with kuzan, shinobu, and one of the inspectors that had replaced them; its more of a reunion with the former two, with them sharing their experiences with the matter, and the new inspector saying it would be an honor to work with sabo, but would respect his decision either way, acknowledging that ‘becoming an enforcer wouldnt do anything to help his psycho pass, and was most likely going to make it worse’ -ace takes sabo to his room in the tower and they fall together on the couch; they have somewhat of a serious discussion about it all, because while ace would love to have sabo by his side, he knows it wouldnt be permanent like it used to be, because they would be on different divisions, they would most likely have separate living quarters, and their freedoms were greatly restricted; the other side is that sabo could potentially get better, and if his psycho pass recovered and was cleared, he could live on the outside again, he could be an inspector if he wanted, or he could do anything; he didn’t have to work for the bureau anymore if it was too much, whereas if his psycho pass was never fully cleared, he wouldnt have any sort of option, being confined to a cell -ace doesnt realize, but sabo has all but given up; hed spent so long in the hospital, and if that hadnt worked, how would being in a cell help any more?; he knows, logically, given enough time, things that hadnt worked before might begin to help, but he also knows that would be a long road to recovery, and right now he was only concerned with the short and easy; he dissuades ace in the gentlest way possible and reveals he would settle for an enforcer position, since the bureau would still have him, and this way he could be with ace again, as close to normal as they could get -ace doesnt know what to feel, because short term him feels gratified that he would have sabo back, but long term he knew sabo was giving up a shot at normal life again, and it killed him to acknowledge that; he doesnt react any one way or another, accepting sabos decision -reiju is much the same, taking his choice without any approval or disapproval; she makes a number of calls and system commands while sabo waits on the plush couch, and when she’s done sabo has an updated id card, badge, terminal access, a cleared desk with his confiscated items being moved to it, and funds for at least one suit; all the basics, along with one holo flipped to face his way, revealing a walkthrough diagram of a basic furnished apartment that had the potential to be his -when sabo questions the last part, reiju smiles, and puts two keys on the desk; one is the new apartment, and the other is a spare of ace’s; sabo is startled when he realizes the implications, and reiju’s smile turns knowing; she cautions him that he could always have a place of his own to escape to, but sabo doesnt hesitate to take the second key and hold it close -reiju tells him to retire for the night, and in the morning, he would report to his division’s staff room for the [evening/morning, trauma relive implications for evening, escapism for morning] shift, the same as ace’s timetable; if anything happened, he already knew standard protocol, and if anything didnt, it was more time spent unpacking to his desk and familiarizing himself with the team -ends (?) with sabo meeting sonia, who had joined the division during his absence, and lami, who he knew only in passing, and law, an enforcer he knew used to be an inspector like him; ends w sabo telling ace he hasnt given up, not just yet, but that he wanted to help people again in the meantime, even if that meant stretching out his recovery a little longer, and that ace better not have given up either, and ace affirming that he hadn’t

route 5: i!ace and i!sabo (turned e) [i: koby, sabo | e: rayleigh, law, izo, kuzan] [i: ace, sonia | e: sabo, law, ikkaku, izo] -for the most part, sabo and ace have life made; they’re married, they share a house, they’re partnered on the job in the same division, everything is as it should be -and then an incident occurs, and the first division is suddenly looking for a new inspector to replace the one that had lost, and to help close out the ongoing investigation -they end up choosing sabo, who is hesitant at first, but after getting debriefed on the case, jumps on the case; now things get a little rougher, longer hours for sabo, different timetables, multiple nights where he pulls all-nighters and resists the pull of his bed at home for his desk at work -ace becomes spiteful after being supportive for so long, almost unable to bear the stress of never seeing sabo for such long stretches of time; and their relationship becomes strained as a result, because sabo doesn’t want to move back down to a lower division now that he’s tasted the top -and then something goes wrong, and sabo comes home near dawn very awake and very afraid, and forgets that he and ace are mad at each other, and runs to him for comfort; ace stays awake with him until they both have to leave for work, never asking what was wrong, only being a soothing presence that ultimately amounts to nothing, when sabo is refused entry into the bureau for his bad psycho pass -(ace first noticing sabo’s hand shaking, and the fact that he could see his hand, that his gloves were off, was the first sign that something was very wrong. sabo lets ace hold him for a long time, try and work on getting him to breathe, and then calming him down, and then sabo bursts out crying, and ace quietly shushes him, drawing him closer, saying it was okay, whatever it was, it would be okay, they would move past it, together, because they did everything together and ace wasn’t going to leave him alone for this; this just makes sabo cry harder because he knows ace can’t follow, not with a clear mental hue, and its a big punch to the gut; ace stripping sabo of his suit jacket and holding him close, lying them on their bed, and finally as sabo’s cries become only harsh breaths, asks if he needed to skip work, take the day off; sabo doesn’t have to think long to know that was only delaying the inevitable, because his hue wasn’t going to change if he was home alone stressing or home with ace stressing -he knew what he’d been through was too much for either of them to handle by themselves, and being given one day to live in bliss and ignorance would only make the next day, when they had to return to the bureau, that much harder) -sabo and ace’s day-to-day lives are upheaved after this; sabo is stripped of his rank and authority, and suddenly instead of it being a rarity that him and sabo would cross paths at home, sabo is never home because he is not allowed to be -the bureau forces sabo to stay at a rehabilitation center and he does so for two long months, learning to control his emotions even as his crime coefficient never fully stabilizes below 100 again; after this time, before he’s released, the new division one inspector now partnered with ace pays him a visit and urges him to come back to div 1 with her, saying they could really use his help, that they still needed him, that he still had a purpose, and a chance, under sibyl -privately, sabo thinks to himself that the sibyl system is the entire reason his life is now in shambles; things would never go back to how they were, but at least if he rejoined the bureau as an enforcer, he could live at the psb and ace would be allowed to visit, as opposed to living in latent criminal housing in isolation -sabo accepts and ace tackles him they next time they meet at the bureau, nearly on the verge of tears, and their colleagues give them a minute to sort themselves; ace admits that he thought sabo still had a chance, that there was that story of an enforcer who had recovered and was able to rejoin society, and that he promised when sabo recovered enough to live on the outside again, they would both quit the bureau and live more peaceful lives; sabo has reservations about all these hopes, but he’s not in the mood for disappointing ace more than he already has, so he keeps his mouth shut -division 1 has almost been entirely restructured since sabo’s departure, but the case that had left the division devastated was still open-ended, much to his distress, but no new leads and a new distinct lack of things to follow up on leave the case virtually at a standstill; sabo vows to look into it on his own time, because it wasn’t something he was willing to let go just yet -ace catches him in the act, because ace is always watching him these days, but after sabo admits his intentions declares he wants to help too; seeing sabo willingly put himself into the line of fire again by opening the case back up does something to ace, makes him realize how much sabo is willing to push himself for others and for the sake of his job, and how that was a quality of his he’d always been in love with

route 6: i!sabo and e!ace [i: lami, sabo | e: ace, rebecca, monet, law] -in this one ace is a latent criminal with a high crime coefficient and is jaded from his past with roger, believing it to be his father’s fault and his father’s legacy that drove him over the edge -sabo is an upstart at the public safety bureau, and he has just recently transferred to the division ace serves in as an enforcer -ace is brash and uncompromising, not unlike other enforcers sabo had worked with but far more difficult (this is definitely the enemies to lovers route k? k) and the best advice sabo can get from his new coworkers are don’t even try with him -but it’s unlike sabo to give up without a challenge, and so he attempts to match ace, crazy stunt for stupid tactic for idiotic, rushed plan, enough so that after a bit ace goes from being annoyed to being slightly impressed sabo was willing to put himself through so much; not that he would ever admit it aloud, though -the turning point is sabo doing a daring move on a case that saves the life of another enforcer; ace turns the thought in his head, and decides he could respect sabo’s actions in that instance, because enforcers were replaceable and technically criminals with no futures, but sabo had put one before his own life anyway, and something about that touches ace in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time -their relationship evolves from that point, where ace will stop sabo from rushing in instead of letting the inspector risk himself for his own amusement, and generally tries to watch sabo’s back when the chance arises; it takes sabo a little while and a few prods from others to notice ace’s flip, but once he starts taking it in, his view of the enforcer changes little by little -because it’s not like ace is a bad person, per se; true, he was a brute and he could be vicious and he had a temper and a tendency to snap bones before asking questions, but he wasn’t always like that; he wasn’t like that to little rebecca, who was younger than him, or any of the victims they encountered on the scene that didn’t deserve the harsh sentiment; he didn’t have the energy to be nasty and self-serving all the time, and as sabo begins to watch for it, it shows more and more -it reaches a point, ace looking out for him, where when they’re on a dangerous scene confronted with the aftermath of something horrific, and sabo descends into a panic attack and nearly loses himself, it’s ace that stays by him the entire time and helps pull him from his mind, soothing him enough that his number drops to normal -from then on, the negative outlook they held of each other disappears near entirely; sabo still finds he struggles with the memories of that day, and ace more often than not is by his side when he’s consumed by thoughts, helping to ease him out -it happens late enough one night, with sabo hunched over his desk staring at his bright computer screen, pouring over scarce documents to a tough case, that he’s startled when he’s pulled from bad thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder and an even warmer drink being pressed into his hand; ace convinces him, after an hour of fruitless effort of turning up anything new, to take a breather, at least until the sun was out; sabo agrees, almost too tired to function, and lets ace lead him from the room and into one of the spacious lobby areas, where they both collapse onto a couch; sabo doesn’t even notice ace running a hand through his light hair until he can fall asleep, or the way he’s caged in by ace’s legs, reclined against his front -when sabo wakes in the morning he is not alone, but ace is keeping distance; he’d waved around a mug of heavy espresso until the smell had sabo roused from sleep, crouched down in front of the couch, and sabo finds his head propped up by pillows that feel cold compared to . . he’s not sure what -monet enters into the lounge when sabo is sat up and a bit more awake, and pauses to eye him for a minute, until her mouth curves into a dangerous smirk; sabo asks but she shrugs, leaving without giving him a proper answer; later, in the office, sabo finds her and law hunched together, the two looking up at the same time to fix him with knowing looks that he doesn’t know how to respond to -sabo looks around and asks where lami was, since her shift just ended, and law tells him she was in his room several floors down, revealing when she needed rest but couldn’t afford to go all the way home for it (or stubbornly refused not to) then she had a spare key to his quarters so she could sleep without leaving the psb tower -sabo is mildly surprised by this, knowing the relationship between her and law but being unaware that inspectors entered into the rooms of enforcers, previously viewing the invisible boundary between the two as much more strict -but as he begins to observe more, he finds that maybe that wasn’t the case; and his own feelings regarding it all surface when rebecca has lunch with him one day, and admits that shes ‘never seen ace act the way he does with you with anyone before’

#saboace #writing #??? sure #op #if i ever write this itll def be like a oneshot series #i think i rambled too much here to have them b drabbles #but like def multiple fics under the same overarching name #im rewatching s3 again and the idea of the diver and the tether??#so so good hmmm but iunno abt a mentalist route #maybe i could restructure 2 or 3 to fit it #also i think i included dragon in 3 or 7 and i like that again #dragon challenging the system once in the past #and being a past figure that has consequences for the present cast #anyway im rambling too much heres the pp au stuff!!!

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bullshitcompassbackupx · 5 years ago

Text

Bang Chan - Angst

Warnings - overdose, implied drug abuse, do NOT read if you are triggered by these things.

A/N - Got bad news, needed an outlet, this is how i dealt with it along with crying at my door in the dark.

Edit: dated 20191205 - Follow me on @bullshitcompass

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He felt like his entire world collapsed, the waves of dread and fear and anxiety washing over him like a tsunami, he’d been called to the hospital on unknown terms, it being an emergency the only information given.

“Wh-what do you mean she overdosed?” Chan asked frantically trying to push past the officers, “please, i need to get through! I need to see her!” He cried out, reaching out past them, hoping to get through. “Please,” he sobbed, tears streaming down his face in two lines, eyes stinging as the warm liquid fell. “I just need to know she’s alright,”

“Sir, theres nothing we can do, she’s in good hands,” one of the officers holding Chan back spoke calmly, eyes softening at him in sympathy, “unless you can prove you’re direct family we can’t let you through,”

Letting out a choked sob Chan brushed a hand through his hair, taking a step back, he let out panicked and shaky breaths.

“Please, take a seat in the waiting room and you’ll be called in when they’re ready,” the second officer spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder comforingly.

Shaking off the hand on his shoulder Chan nodded, turning and walking solemnly towards the waiting area in the large bleak hospital.

Taking a seat, he let the tears finally fall fully, letting out ugly choked up sobs, he covered his mouth with his hands, leg bouncing frantically with anxiety and fear, with thoughts of the worst possible outcome.

***

Chan doesnt know how much time passed, as he sat with his hands clasped, his chin resting on them, and leg bouncing as his elbows rested on his knees. Dropping his hands from his face as he saw two covered shoes approach him.

“Are you here for Y/N L/N?” They asked softly, a sympathetic expression gracing their face, Chan looked up at them eyes red and puffy, tear stains running down his face. “Well, she’s resting right now but you’re free to see her, i’ll take you,”

Chan nodded and slowly stood, wiping his face and nose with the sleeve of his jumper and sniffling. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep, shaky breath and motioning for the doctor to show him to the hospital room.

While walking through the corridors Chan looked around anxiously, the walls were mostly blank with a few posters here and there. The sterile stench was powerful and sickening, feeling like a slap to the face. He glanced in some of the rooms, people with their loved ones, some chatting, some watching over as they rested. Tears welled up in Chan’s eyes again, he quickly looked away and straight ahead of him, staring almost soullessly at the back of the doctors head.

“In here, i’ll let you be alone with her, call if anything happens.” The doctor spoke, standing outside of a hospital room.

Chan choked out a thank you, his voice failing him. He cleared his throat, reaching up to wipe his eye with his sleeve before trying again. “Thank you.” His eyes flickered down from the doctor to the floor, the doctor nodding before walking away with a solemn smile.

Chans eyes lifted to the door, catching a glimpse of the girl through the window, his eyes watered again, sniffling he wiped his eyes again. Reaching out for the door, Chan took a deep breath, before carefully and quietly opening the door and taking soft quiet steps inside.

He closed the door quietly, slowly turning around. His breath hitched at the sight infront of him; She was hooked up to a heart monitor, a breathing tube connected to her nose, an IV drip coming from her hand. Chan walked over to the chair next to the bed, taking a seat and sliding it closer to the bed. He delicately laced his fingers with hers, looking up to her face.

She looked peaceful, her eyes shut gently, eyelashed ghosting her cheeks, lips slightly parted and chest softly rising and falling. She looked like nothing had happened, like she was just sleeping.

Chan smiled softly, bringing his other hand to rest on her cheek, thumb gently caressing her face and ghosting over her nose, tracing the faint freckles. He brought his hand back, moving it to her hand that was laced with his other one, bringing it up and pressing a chaste kiss to the knuckles.

“Oh baby,” Chan said against her hand, “why would you do this to yourself?” He placed another kiss to her knuckles, a tear slipping from his eyes. “I should have gone with you,” he sighed, letting out a short chuckle, “god i’m so glad you’re alive. So, so glad you’re alive,” he sobbed, letting your hand slip out of his as he covered his face, crying into his sleeves again.

He felt a soft hand stroke through his hair, before falling to his cheek, he looked up, still crying. Her eyes open tiredly, a small smile gracing her face.

“Hi baby,” she spoke softly, stroking his cheek and wiping the tears from his eye, “don’t cry, I don’t like it when you cry.”

Chan moved his hand over hers, tears still falling from his eyes as he locked his fingers with hers. “I can’t help it,” he laughed sadly, sniffling, “i thought i lost you,”

“I’m sorry,” she apologised, eyes watering, “i’m so sorry, i should have listened to you, I shouldn’t have gone. But i’m here, i’m okay.” She smiled, a tear falling. “I’m okay.”

“I dont know what I’d do without you,” Chan cried, moving his head place a kiss to her hand.

“Probably cry, and work too much, and not take care of yourself, maybe a little self blame in there too,” she chuckled with a sad, tired smile on her face, before lightly pulling his face to her and placing a soft kiss into his hair.

“Please dont leave, i got so scared. And i dont know how i’d break it to the boys, or- or your family,” he sobbed, looking up into her eyes. “We’d all be so lost without you,”

“I’m here Chan, i’m not going anywhere.” She said pulling him closer, kissing his temple, “i promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#stray kids #bang chan #trigger warning #TW #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfics #stray kids angst #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #bang chan fanfic #bang chan fanfics #bang chan agnst #my work #my writings #my works #max.works

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sophiet-x · 5 years ago

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Theres only one word left to sing, Goodbye.

So, as I stated in the ooc blog, I’ve been dealing with this ever since the Sophie pregnancy rumors started. I don’t want Sophie to have any children, at least not for now, because my Sophie is not in a mentally stable place to have any kids, so I’m always very sure to mention the fact that she’s on contraception if it ever comes up, because that’s just the way I wanted her to go.

This is gonna get long, so go grab yourself a cup of coffee or a can of diet Coke, some snacks and read along if you can even be assed to.

I was approached by the main when I made a joke of it to please not talk about it until they decided what they wanted to do about the rule of making people keep or not keep their babies. Let it be known that there’s a person in this roleplay who, a while back, had this same situation where her real life celebrity became pregnant and asked the main if she could keep the baby, and was told no because it would be unfair to all the people who had been waiting for baby plots. When I brought this up, they said it was their mistake at the time, and that they were now enforcing it as a rule and had denied the request plenty of times. So this isn’t something that’s been going on for ages, it’s been only a couple of months back. So I waited, staying off the topic unless it was brought up, until I was told very quickly that I’d be forced to keep the baby because it was disrespectful to the celebrity and the baby and that it was in the rules of the group. I tried exploring options (adoptions, pregnancy complications and others I won’t mention because even though they’re real things that really happen, they may be triggering), but was told that none of them would work, that I’d have to keep the baby, and the baby would have to be Joe’s (not an NPC) because if in the future we ever had a Joe, it would be disrespectful and complicated to work around it. I respected their decision, because I’ve always been nothing but accommodating to whatever the main says because I understand this is their group, and if I’m in it, I have to follow the rules. It’s something I accepted and it’s something I understand as a person. I was offered the chance to switch and swap storylines with someone else, which was nice of them because until November I think I’m out of switches, but I declined because Sophie is my baby, and I wasn’t gonna do anything until the pregnancy was either confirmed or dismissed.

I chose to keep playing Sophie as she was, ignoring the pregnancy because it hadn’t been officially announced, and just playing her out like I was. But nobody was saying anything from her team, and pictures that came out kept hinting towards the fact that she was undoubtably pregnant, so it came to a point where I’m having stress dreams and panic induced anxiety attacks because I don’t know where my own character may be going. I’ve talked it over with people, I’ve gotten plenty of opinions, so last night I sent the main a message listing all the reasons why I saw that this new disposition of making me keep the baby was not only disrespectful to me and to my whole character development, but it was also godmodding me and other people in my storyline when forced to “get creative” and accommodate the new child into Sophie’s storyline. I sent this in hopes that all my reasons would make them see, but I got a reply today basically saying that it’s an extension to the rules that exist today about not eliminating any real life children, that it was implied from the beginning and that they understood that it was changing my storyline, but they said that there’s many celebrities that don’t show their children and that’s not saying they’re bad parents (so if Sophie were to have the baby and send it off to Joe and never mention it and act as if the baby didn’t happen, she’s clearly not a bad parent, she just ignores her child and doesn’t even reference it, spends all her time away from it and doesn’t recognize it exists), but in the end, they’d be happy to allow me the creativity I need to make sure I can fit this into my storyline but sticking to their terms and conditions. That they hadn’t changed their decision and hoped I respected it. Which I do.

Granted, this now meant that the whole plot I’d been working on with Faith, our Aaron, was now rendered useless, because they’ve been talking for the better part of three months now, Sophie hadn’t had sex with anyone beforehand and even if she had and had fallen pregnant, she wouldn’t have kept it a secret from Aaron, and if Aaron had found out, he wouldn’t have gotten with Sophie. So this either meant that if I wanted to keep my that had been developing organically, I had to force Aaron to be the baby’s father, or I had to make Sophie a liar and destroy both our characters in the making. Easy to say, Faith said no to this, which I not only accept but understand and share, so that would be three months of my character development down the drain. (this has all been cleared by Faith, I’m not putting any words into anyone’s mouth).

So after all of this and a lot of thinking, I’ve decided I can no longer stay in a group where I don’t have control of my characters. Even though they are based on real people, we’re not playing them. We’re not controlling them, we don’t claim to be them or act on their behalf, they’re just characters with their faces and names. If you don’t like seeing it that way, then I respect you, but that’s just what I see them. Shells of people we admire to fill up with a storyline that makes us happy, keeping it as close as possible when we can but also being respectful of all the time we’ve put into them.

I’ve learned that groups are like countries, with bodies that make decisions and people who live in them. As much as we’re consulted on some things to vote, big decisions are made in a small round table between a few people who vote and decide on what to do by themselves, which is a respectable way of living in a democratic order and not chaos, and we get no say in them. And as a person living in that country, you can either stick to the rules, ask nicely for them to be changed if you don’t agree or move along. I’ve stuck to all of the rules, I’ve asked nicely for them to be changed when I don’t agree with something, and upon receiving an answer I’m not comfortable with, I’m moving aside. Roleplays are supposed to be a fun, stress free place, and with this new rule, I find myself not being comfortable, so I’m simply moving along to a place where I do feel comfortable and where I feel like rules are more fair.

As is said on the ooc blog, to the handfuls of people I love dearly here, you all know who you are and I won’t name names, I hope life can make us find each other again, either on roleplays or in real life, I’ve learned so much about you and am so happy to call some of you close and dear friends who I’ve shared more of my life than most of the people I see on a daily basis. I’m always available on Discord, my personal or WhatsApp, where I’ll happily tell you where you can find me most often and hopefully see you very soon.

And to all the people with characters here who are getting near the age bracket of having a baby in real life (because if this rule applies to women, it better apply to men too), here’s to hoping they don’t get pregnant if you don’t want to, because you’ll be having to flex your creative muscles to help life find a way.

With so much love and affection,

Charlie.

PS: I’m leaving my small/not message on how I think it’s a lack of respect that the main was making me keep Sophie’s baby down there, because I think it’s something that adds to the tale. If anyone wants any of my messages, let me know and I’ll happily share them. I won’t share any screenshots of the mains responses out of respect for them.

Hi guys, So, I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole pregnancy situation with Sophie, and since it hasn’t been announced yet (and knowing how private Joe and Sophie are they may not even announce it until they have to, which could be after the quarantine and we don’t even know when that will end), I just wanted to ask you again, to please reconsider the previous decision you’d made about making me keep Sophie’s baby.

Firstly, I understand how you’re trying to respect the celebrity and the child, but I think as much as you’re respecting them in their real life, you’re disrespecting me and all the work and development I’ve put Sophie through. She’s been here since the start, almost two years, where she’s been through so long, made so many connections and had so many points that have turned her into who she is today with all of her decisions, her life choices and what she wants and doesn’t want from life. This is my Sophie, much like each of your own characters is your own, and you’ve shaped them through time in what they like, don’t like, want and don’t want.

Secondly, making me do this would be godmodding my character into doing something I don’t want. I know it’s not a character that would be doing the godmodding, but it’s having a God figure magically implanting something into my character that I don’t want. I thought this roleplay was born to avoid stuff like that, to have a fun place to feel safe and not pressured by anyone.

Thirdly, it would be inconsistent with the timeline Sophie has, especially with the whole Coronavirus situation that the group is following. Sophie hasn’t been with anyone for a long time, and for the past couple of months, she’s been with Aaron, not officially but with feelings, so she hasn’t exactly been sleeping around. And seeing as COVID will probably keep everything on lockdown at least until August or September, it won’t be realistic because Aaron would be the only option for a father. Faith and I have already talked about it, and that’s not a direction she wants to take Aaron in, so I won’t force her to have the baby be Aaron’s. But it still doesn’t make sense for her to magically fall pregnant of a one night stand she had with Joe or anyone else, because that would alter her personality and the storyline I have now, and again, that’s godmodding and that’s unfair to me and disrespectful to me and my character. Plus, since we don’t know when this will be announced, we may be writing all of their character and relationship development for nothing, because we would just have to erase it to make the whole new storyline of the baby fit, which I don’t want to do.

This has been filling me with anxiety, I’ve literally been having anxiety attacks and haven’t been able to sleep just thinking about the future because as much as I wanna keep writing Sophie like the fun spirit she is and everyone seems to like writing with, and being in this group, because I love it and I love being here, I can’t keep developing a character that from one day to another, will change drastically if the pregnancy gets announced and I’m forced to keep the baby.

I really hope this helps you rethink the choice you’ve made a few months back, because Sophie is my favorite character here, I love her and the connections she’s made, and I’d hate to have to erase everything and change her whole demeanor just for one new rule.

Thanks for reading,

Charlie.

#ooc is ooc #a goodbye note and some explanations as to why i've made my decisions <3

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svtmatokis · 5 years ago

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Miracle P2

LASTLY here is Miracle P2. I am sooo soft since the song was released and I hope you guys get why Jihoon is acting the way he is in this fic. Also has anyone noticed tht i LOVE using Yoongi and Jihoon in the same fics? K I need some sleep now cause getting 2hrs the night before and a birthday party right after = zzzzzzzzzz

Have you ever had that moment where you met one person who just changed your life in an instant?

Words: 4772

Pairing: You x Jihoon

Warnings: NGL y’all are gonna wanna brush your teeth extra once the fluff in this fic is over

Part 1

Tags: @mitchx17carat

(If you want to be tagged, feel free to send me an ask or reply to the fic of your choice.)

The first day of classes had finally arrived. Unfortunately for Jihoon, the two of you hadn’t seen each other since the morning after Jungkooks birthday since he had to take care of Soonyoung after he woke up and you went to tend to the others who lived in the house.

After a quick bye, the two of you went your separate ways and as Jihoon sat in his first class of the semester waiting for the instructor to arrive, he started to think when he was going to see you again. He was sure that both Soonyoung and Seungcheol would have your number but he didn’t feel like answering any questions they might have.

As he continued to let his thoughts drift, he overheard a few of the students talking and when Yoongi’s name was mentioned, he started to pay attention.

“I heard Min Yoongi’s going to be the assistant for this class.” one girl said as her friend gasped.

“I haven’t seen Yoongi around campus in ages. I wonder what’s making him comeback. He’s already a big name as is outside of this college and anyone who works with him is considered lucky.” she said, “Theres a rumor that Y/N came back from that program the school sent her to in London so it could be that.”

“If Y/N’s back then that could be the reason...you know how much he’s doted on her and I can’t blame him either. She’s so pretty and talented.” another girl butted in. “You don’t think they’re dating do you?”

Jihoons eyebrows furrowed at the last statement he heard, was it a secret that you and Yoongi were siblings? Everyone at the party seemed to acknowledge it since most of the guys who were there steered clear of you and he had heard that Yoongi was fiercely protective of you when it came to dating.

A tap on his shoulder shook him out of his thoughts and it was as if the sun rose when he looked up to see your face.

“Is anyone sitting here?” you asked motioning to the seat next to him that had his bag on it and Jihoon sat up quickly to remove it. How lucky was he that you were in this class? A class that he almost didn’t take because of what happened in the past.

“No, no ones sitting here.” he said and you put your bag on the desk before sitting down. “I didn’t know you were going to be taking this class.”

“I have to.” you said, “Plus, you won’t believe who our T.A is going to be…”

“Yoongi?” Jihoon asked and you nodded shocked that he knew. Obviously he saw it because he continued to explain further, “This class is full of gossips.”

“Ah…” you said covering your mouth as you giggled, “Did you already hear the rumor that Yoongi and I were dating then?”

Jihoon nodded chuckling himself, he was surprised to see that you knew of the rumor and decided to ask you about it.

“Does no one on campus know that you two are siblings or something?”

“It’s not that...it’s just that no one asks. Yoongi graduated from the music program when I was a freshman. He was already producing music for outside people back then so he was fairly well known. But because you know, him being him,walked me to every class till I left for London.” you explained, “If people asked we would tell them we were siblings but I guess it’s more fun to assume things.” you let out a sigh and blew a piece of hair that had fallen in your face.

“Life of a college kid.” Jihoon agreed with a nod, “Where is he anyways? Wasn’t class supposed to start five minutes ago?”

“He’s standing outside talking to that instructor...Bumzu or something about a project he wants Yoongi to help with.” you explained just as Yoongi walked into the room and you saw him smirk as he saw you sitting with Jihoon.

“Hello class...welcome to Advanced Music Production.” he said in a monotone voice as he put somethings on the desk. “As you can see, the instructor is no where to be found. Due to a recent project, he will not be attending classes until the middle of the semester.”

“Bummer” you said as Yoongi shot you a glare but continued.

“I will be taking over in his place till then and to start the semester off, you guys will have to do a project to show that you actually belong in this class. The course outline has been emailed to you all by the instructor and as you can see, there will be a final production project that EVERYONE will have to complete individually because it will be half your grade.” Yoongi explained looking at each person in the class.

“The first project that you guys will be doing will be a partners project but choose wisely. The project will show the instructor and I who will be invited to take part 2 of this course next semester which as you know is not mandatory to graduate but is a lot more advanced than this and is for those who are serious about music producing. Are there any questions?”

When no one raised their hands, Yoongi smiled and you swore you heard a squeal come from behind you.

“Good, the details of the first project is on the course outline. I will be here to assist and give advice but please try to complete it with your partner before coming to me. You have two weeks to complete the project starting now. Please let me know who your partner is before the end of class.” he finished and sat down which signalled for everyone to start working.

During the time that Yoongi was talking about partners, you felt Jihoon nudge you ever so slightly and you nodded at him when you saw him look at you from the corner of his eye. You had a hunch that there would be a few people who would’ve wanted to partner with you to get your connections to Yoongi but thankfully, Jihoon was already one of Yoongi’s few mentees (literally only you and Jihoon) and you had no problem working with him.

“Hey welcome back Y/N.” Joshua who you recognized from freshman year said as he sat down in the desk in front of you. You heard from Seungcheol that he had joined the SVT Frat and lived with the guys but outside of that, you never talked much.

“It was fun, thanks for the English lessons by the way. They totally helped.” you said with a smile, “I hate to be back but you know...real school calls.”

“Didn’t some of the credits from the last two years move forward?” Joshua asked and you nodded.

“Most of my dance credits have me covered that I can take it less seriously now, but I only took music comp during my final year there and it wasn’t enough.” you let out a sigh, “It’s fine though considering who our T.A is.”

“Yea who would’ve thought Yoongi would return to teaching.” Joshua said, “Are you partnered with anyone yet?”

You nodded your head to Jihoon had stayed quiet this whole time, “Jihoon and I agreed to work together for the semester. Is Vernon coming back this year?”

“Oh, hey Jihoon..” Joshua said with a wave, “I just assumed that you’d be working yourself again like you did last semester and yea, he’s on his way back from New York now. He’ll be back in class tomorrow.”

You looked at Jihoon with wide eyes wondering how he convinced the instructors to let him work alone for most of the year but had a feeling Yoongi’s influence had something to do with it.

“I thought a change would be beneficial this semester.” Jihoon said and looked at you, “I’ll go tell Yoongi about the partners.”

“Sounds good.” you said with a smile and Jihoon got up.

‘Did she really imply that she wanted to work with me for the semester?’ he thought to himself as he went to talk to Yoongi while you and Joshua continued your conversation.

“I didn’t expect you to be friends with someone like Jihoon at all.” Joshua said and you gave him one of those looks and he quickly continued to explain, “It’s nothing like that...its just that he’s pretty introverted when it comes to class...I see him with Cheol and everyone and he seems okay but still, very timid.”

“Really?” you asked looking at Jihoon and Yoongi talk, “I met him during Jungkooks birthday party a few days ago...didn’t seem that timid. By the way, where the heck were you?! I had to take care of Tae’s drunk ass myself since Jin and Nam were busy with birthday boy and Jimin.”

Joshua smirked at the comment, “Maybe it’s the way you are around people. You can get the mute to open up and tell you their life story.” he snorted, “And I literally got back from visiting my mom two days ago and totally missed the birthday party. I actually have to make up for it by meeting the guys for drinks tonight, you want to come with?”

You frowned as you looked down at your phone showing him your jam packed calendar. “I can’t even if I wanted to. Hobi, Soonyoung and I are meeting up to talk about dance team auditions then I need to talk to Jihoon about the project. Plus Yoongi’s being well...Yoongi…”

“It’s understandable, you know he means well right?” Joshua asked knowing the situation of your odd family and you shrugged.

“I know. It’s why we give each other such a hard time.” you said with a grin.

“Who do you give a hard time too?” Jihoon asked coming back to his seat as he overheard your last comment.

“Yoongi.” you said simply and Jihoon shook his head.

“It’s a wonder how you survive living with them you know.” he stated.

“She doesn’t live with them.” Joshua said, “Unless you decided to move into a house full of guys.”

“I technically live in my dorm with Kimi...but from what I heard the last few days, Soonyoungs going to be a regular there so maybe I will start living with the guys.” you said grimacing to what you saw when you came home one day. “Anyways, are you or Vernon coming out for dance team this year?”

“Vernon is, I am most definitely not.” Joshua said with a shake of his head, “I’ll be at every performance with Tae to take pretty pictures though.” he said using his hands as a fake camera, “You should really try out this year Jihoon. It’s a lot of fun especially with Y/N back”

Joshuas comment made you nod in agreement, “I heard from Soonyoung that the two of you used to dance together. Chan’s on the team too.”

“I’ll think about it.” Jihoon said and saw the hopeful smile on your face and he couldn’t help but smile back. Maybe he would try out this year. There was nobody holding him back after all.

Eventually class ended and you thanked the heavens that you only had one class that day. You had been working on a few things since you got back and you didn’t want to stop until it was completed. Unfortunately, that meant not being done till about 5 in the morning which only allowed you 2.5hours of sleep before you had to get ready for class.

“Do you want to go get lunch to discuss the project?” Jihoon asked not ready to part ways with you yet and was happy that you agreed.

“Sure, I have to meet with Hobi and Soonyoung after though for dance stuff.”

“That’s fine, I’ll probably head back to the house after that then.” Jihoon said, “Do you want anything in particular?”

“I’m craving jajangmyeon...no ramen...no..” you let out a sigh not being able to decide as Jihoon laughed next to you. “I’m seriously craving Jajangramyeon*…” you said with a pout.

“Jajangramyeon*?” Jihoon asked shocked and decided at that very moment, you were someone that needed to be a permanent fixture in his life. No one knew about Jajangramyeon but here you were actually craving it. “Do you...want to go back to my dorm then? I can make lunch while we discuss the project…” he suggested shyly thinking you wouldn’t agree to something so forward but the look on your face said otherwise.

“You know what Jajangramyeon is?” you asked shocked and he nodded his head.

“It’s my favorite foods…” he said and the smile you gave him after that literally made his heart melt. It was the biggest and sweetest one he had ever seen from you and he couldn’t help but grin back.

“Lee Jihoon, I really think that this is a wonderful start to an everlasting friendship.” you said and packed up your things quickly as your stomach started talking for you.

“Yea?” he asked completely shocked at what came out of your mouth but his grin grew when you nodded your head.

“Anyone who knows about and how to make Jajangramyeon is considered high in my books.” you said as you walked towards the door and purposely said loudly, “Maybe even higher than Yoongi and Jin!”

“HEY! Say that in front of Jin next time you want something to eat!” you heard from behind making you and Jihoon snicker as you walked out towards Jihoon’s dorm which was the SVT Frat house.

You had only been here once before you left for London and that was when you and Hoseok had gone to tell Soonyoung the news of him being the new junior dance team co-captain which he completely deserved at the time. Ever since then, Soonyoung and Hoseok were partners when it came to the dance team but due to lack of experience, Hobi was the only one teaching the after school classes and you knew that it took a lot out of him.

When the two of you walked into the house, you saw Seungcheol and Soonyoung in the living room seemingly watching a movie. They waved as you and Jihoon walked by and made your way to the kitchen.

“I knew it was a good idea that Jihoon went to that party.” Soonyoung said, “He’s managed to change himself in less than five days.”

“Y/N has that effect on people.” Seungcheol said, “I just hope she doesn’t break his heart…”

“Doubt it.” Soonyoung said as he saw the ingredients that Jihoon was getting together, “Look at what he’s making for lunch.”

Seungcheol leaned over slightly to see the ingredients on the table and wrinkled his nose, “I knew it wasn’t only Jihoon who liked that stuff together. The fact that he’s cooking for someone else too is just…”

“Not Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked and Seungcheol nodded. “But remember how Yoongi and Jin were when you started college?”

“Y/N was their light and despite having lost so much in her life, she still managed to bring those two back.” Seungcheol said with a small sigh, “Now they’d do anything for her and it’s not because they have to either…”

“I’ve never seen Y/N not have a smile on her face. She’s gone through a lot...more so than any of us. She’s the step sister of the student body president and star producer who didn’t even know about her for fifteen years...I admire her because of that.” Soonyoung said the two watched Jihoon cooking while you sat on the counter next to him talking about something they couldn’t hear.

“You admire her for being the step sister of an affair?” Seungcheol asked and Sooyoung shook his head quickly.

“I admire her because despite losing both parents and gaining two brothers, she’s still so strong. We don’t know her full story but if she can smile like she does now without a care in the world and make someone like Jihoon come out of his shell. It makes me think about all the rumors that people spread about her during her first year when Yoongi walked her to every class and when Jin would have lunch with her whenever he wasn’t busy.” Soonyoung sighed, “I wonder how badly the rumors affected her that she decided to leave so suddenly that year...Yoongi practically shut himself from everyone again and Jin went back to being Jin.”

“I never noticed that...So it wasn’t because of the video she submitted for the audition?” Seungcheol asked and Soonyoung shrugged.

“Hoseok told me that it was between him and Y/N for the London program and he backed out so Y/N could go. But essentially, because no one would ask and they just assumed who she was to them, she did the one thing she knew how to do. She ran away and came back stronger than ever.”

Seungcheol thought about Soonyoungs last comment and watched as Jihoon made two bowls of noodles while you sat on the counter next to him talking about whatever you were talking to him and it was evident that the big smiles on both your faces were genuine and both boys had simultaneous thoughts.

‘Just like Jihoon…’

“...Sounds like your back bone grew while you away then. The program sounds like it was a lot of fun.” Jihoon said as he went to put the two bowls of noodles on the table.

The two of you had been talking about your time in London and how much it changed you and helped your confidence level. In London, no one was there to gossip on how you were tied to the schools top producer or the student body president. Instead, they praised you for your talent in dance and classical music and it really did help with yourself esteem in general.

“I would want to go back one day just for vacation. There were so many spots that I didn’t get to see while I was there since school was literally year round.” you said as you hopped off the countertop to join Jihoon. “Oooo! This looks so good.”

“Eat up.” Jihoon said handing you a pair of chopsticks. “It tastes better when it’s hot.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” you said and instantly took a bite. The moan that left your mouth made Jihoon stop midbite as he saw you close your eyes in satisfaction. “And here I thought Mingyu and Jin were always good cooks...I have obviously been wronged.”

Jihoon tried to hide his blush from your compliment by lifting his bowl to take a bite himself and swallowing before he said, “It’s just one of my specialties…Mingyu does most of the cooking around here.”

“Yea, but no one really mixes the jajangmyeon and ramen noodles that well and it normally ends up being too bland or too spicy.” you said wrinkling your nose, “Yours on the other hand is one hundred percent.” you shot him a wink and took another mouthful as Jihoon sat there with a blush on his cheeks as he watched you eat.

This was something that he could really get used to...it just felt so natural with you. He didn’t have to force himself to be anyone and to him you were an open book. He was surprised how much had changed from a week ago before the two of you even met and now here he was, cooking his favorite food for someone who also loved the same thing and he couldn’t have felt anymore happier.

Eventually the conversation went to the project that you had to work on and it really didn’t take long to plan it out since you two had similar schedules since you were both part of the dance department and only had two classes for composition which you shared.

“I like that idea…” Jihoon later said once all the food was cleaned up and you were now out with your laptops going through the outline. “How about we meet up…”

Unfortunately, Jihoon couldn’t finish his sentence since Soonyoung decided to walk in with Hoseok in tow and the two proceeded to sit in front of you and Jihoon.

“Weren’t we supposed to meet at the cafe in like two hours?” you asked looking between the two grinning boys.

“Then Soonyoung said you were here and I finished classes early today and thought that we push our meeting earlier since we have a lot to discuss.” Hoseok said and looked at Jihoon, “Feel free to stick around Ji. You’re going to audition for the dance team this year right?”

“I have somethings to take care of and as I told everyone else, I’ll think about it.” Jihoon said and looked at you with a soft smile, “I’ll talk to you later then?”

You gave him a smile back and nodded, “I’ll come say bye before Hobi and I leave.”

“Does that mean you’re coming back to the house again?” Hoseok asked and you pointed at Soonyoung.

“Yes, considering he’s going to my dorm after this meeting.” you deadpanned and Soonyoung gave you a heart with his hands.

Once Jihoon was officially out of earshot and the kitchen door was closed, both boys jumped into conversation.

“Please tell me you convinced him to audition for the dance team.” Hoseok said, “We NEED someone with his skill on the team this year or else we won’t stand a chance for finals.”

“Please tell me you’ll say yes if he ever asks you out.” Soonyoung pleaded. “You’re literally the first and only person he’s cooked for since he’s gotten here so that says A LOT.”

You blinked as both boys held one of your hands each and you took them away quickly before flicking both of them on the forehead.

“You heard what he said and he didn’t tell me different.” you answered Hoseoks question, “and we literally met a week ago and didn’t you say he was hung up on his ex the last time we talked?” you asked Soonyoung.

“I don’t think he’s hooked on her anymore Y/N...and for the record, you’re the first female he’s ever looked and smiled at in two years” Soonyoung stated, “Yoongi’s told us stories about you too and I think he was interested in who you were at first but I know he fell when he met you. The guy was completely speechless at Kookies birthday party.”

“Plus Yoongi doesn’t talk highly about ANYONE who doesn’t deserve it.” Hoseok added, “Don’t you think it’s time for you to find genuine happiness too Y/N? You know those rumors don’t matter anymore and Jihoon isn’t the type to judge. Plus, Yoongi and Jin WILL approve. Jin posted it on Instagram when he found you two in the same bed for frick sake!”

“Yea, I kind of find that hilarious considering that he was taking care of me before he ditched to hang out with you and clean YOUR frat house of all places.” Soonyoung said with a pout. “So...will you say yes?”

“How about you guys just let things happen naturally as they already are?” a voice asked coming from behind you and you saw Seungcheol leaning on the door frame, “It’s obvious Jihoons already stepped out of his comfort zone by doing what he did today and I can guarantee he’s up in his room thinking things through as he always does. Plus, don’t you three have to discuss the dance program for the YEAR?” he asked and the three of you glared at him.

“Would you like to join the conversation and join the dance team this year Mr.Choi?” you asked sarcastically as a small grin appeared on Seungcheols face as he took the seat next to you.

“As a matter of fact….”

A few hours later, Jihoon decided to go and check on your little meeting surprised to find Hoseok and Soonyoung dancing around the kitchen while Seungcheol was laughing while holding his stomach. He then looked at your situation where you had your hair tied in a high bun and there were papers surrounding you.

“Is she alive…?” Jihoon asked poking your shoulder as you moaned and you looked up at him with pure exhaustion in your eyes.

“Please audition for dance team this year and not leave me with these three monsters.” you begged which made Seungcheol, Soonyoung and Hoseok laugh even harder and catching Jihoon off guard.

“Don’t forget Vernon and Chan.” Soonyoung added before grinning evily, “And Taehyung…”

“There’s also Hyungwon, Jun, Minghao…you should be happy Kimi’s coming back” Hoseok started listing as well and you stood up having enough.

“I’m done.” you said throwing the papers you had into your bag, “We’ve decided what we’ve had to decide and the audition dates are set. I can’t handle another hour with you idiots.” you stated and turned to look at Seungcheol, “And you of all people decided to come back to the dance team after two years without an audition, like what the heck!”

“It’s one less person we have to audition if you really think about it.” Hoseok said leaning on the countertop. “This leaves us four spots to fill.”

“True but still…” you sighed shaking your head, “I’m heading back to the house. Are you coming with?”

Hoseok shook his head, “I’m gonna hang out with the guys for a bit and I’ll be home later. Don’t stay up too late working again. You’re going to burn yourself out...seriously.”

“Yes grandfather.” you said sarcastically and picked up your bag before looking at everyone in the room including Jihoon, “I’ll see you guys later.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Jihoon said as he followed you out of the kitchen and to the front door. “Are you sure you’ll be okay going back yourself? You look really tired.” How had he not noticed it earlier?

“Well, having a meeting with three children for the first time in two years would do that to you” you said with a yawn, “I’ll be fine though...it’s only like a fifteen minute walk.”

Jihoon looked at you with uncertainty before acting out of impulse. He held his hand out and asked you for your phone which he put his phone number into.

“Text me when you get back then so I know you made it safe okay?” he asked and you nodded before opening the door.

“Thanks for lunch today Jihoon, it was literally the highlight of my day.” you said with a tired smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow…”

“See you tomorrow Y/N..” he said with a smile as he lead you out to the porch, “Remember to text me.”

“Got it. Bye Ji~” you said with a wave and started walking away.

Jihoon watched you disappear around the corner before closing the door. He then went up to his bedroom to cover his face with a pillow and groaned. Was he seriously going to do this?

You were the girl that Yoongi had talked non stop about whenever they would hang out or when Jihoon would go to his studio to work. After two years he was finally able to put a face to a name and personality and he had to admit, he really liked what he saw in just one day.

You were easy going, soft spoken yet full of confidence. Your smile could turn anyones frown upside down and he could tell that everyone in his frat house and the BTS frat house doted on you like a little sister so he had to ask himself again. Was he really going to do this?

He thought back to your big eyes and bright smile before thinking about the things the guys said about you which happened to be all good. He then thought back to the slump he had been in for the last two years and realized that today was that one day in those two years where he actually felt like his old determined self. After coming to a conclusion, he decided to set the plan into action.

(Three hours later)

[10:45pm] Woozi - Hey Y/N? Are you okay?

[10:45pm] Woozi - I had to get your number from Cheol because you didn’t text me...so can you please reply so I know you’re alive?

*Jajangramyeon - A mix of Jajangmyeon and spicy ramen noodles, I actually tried this combo and its legit...interesting but legit.

#woozi #kpop fiction #kpop imagine #woozi imagine #seventeen fiction #seventeen imagine #seventeen #jihoon #lee jihoon #fluff

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linkspooky · 6 years ago

Note

could you do a meta on dabi,hawks and endeavor theres something interesting about thoses three there was even a chapter about those three theres a common occurance about them that i can't put into words

There is a connection between all three of them.

So a follow up from my last post, there’s a question of agency between the three of them. [x]

Definition of Agency

What agency means is essentially the freedom and capacity to live or act in a defined world. In a literature sense, we can interpret this in a few different ways. We could look at a specific character in a novel, and see his/her ability to make choices, act freely, and control their respective lives within the novel. The character is able to engage socially, take action on desired things, and have control of their own life. [x].

Basically, let’s look at it from a different angle than the last post though. When it comes to the connection between Endeavor, Dabi, and Hawks, just as important as Agency, their ability to make choices is motivation.

Definition of Motivation

In literature, “motivation” is defined as a reason behind a character’s specific action or behavior. This type of behavior is characterized by the character’s own consent and willingness to do something.

There are two types of motivation: one is intrinsic, while the other one is extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is linked to personal pleasure, enjoyment and interest, while extrinsic motivation is linked to numerous other possibilities. Extrinsic motivation comes from some physical reward such as money, power, or lust. Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is inspired by some internal reward such as knowledge, pride, or spiritual or emotional peace or wellbeing, etc. [x]

So basically now we’re looking at the characters from two angles, number one what choices do they have room to make, and number two in those limited choices what motivates them to eventually make the choices that they do.

So, I would say the connection between the three of them is that they all chose to pursue being a hero in some way, yes even Dabi who is a villain cares about the idea of becoming a hero.

Now Endeavor’s are the hardest to discern, since his reasoning to want to be a hero is vague at best. Trying my best to discern though, it seems that Endeavor one, worked really hard to be a hero and believed his hard work should have been rewarded with some sort of feeling of accomplishment. It’s the same reason that Bakugo freaked out so badly when Todoroki did not face him at his strongest in the tournament, because his own feeling of accoplishment was wrong because he didn’t believe he earned it.

So, it’s really hard to discern, but the idea of being number one itself was soething that Endeavor was after, and facing the fact that really no matter how hard he strives he would be at his limit and unable to surpass All Might who was just better and stronger than him in any way took a number out on his ego. This is my best attempt at explanation, it’s not really clear what Endeavor wants out of being a hero.

It’s a thematic idea that is explored in MHA at least, the desire to be the strongest. Whether or not that desire itself is a good or bad thing, but also because that strong drive can drive others to do terrible things.

The best way I can explain it though is that Endeavor believes he’s entitled to a certain sense of accomplishment after all that hard work he did to be number one, but because there was such a huge gap in front of him he was never able to reach that accomplishment and thus he took his feelings out on the others around him.

Basically, despite Horikoshi trying to present Endeavor as a character motivated by heroic means at this point, pretty much every bit of his past characterization contradicts this. Endeavor is pretty consistently characterized as an abuser, it’s all about his feelings and his own sense of accomplishment and worth, and he uses Shoto and everybody else in his family to those ends. There’s malice in the way he treats Shoto, especially when Shoto implies he has desires of his own. Basically, Endeavor attacked his family out of a perceived lack of respect from the world, and a perceived lack of feeling of accomplishment which he thought he was owed due to all of his hard work. So, there’s something especially toxic about Endeavor’s motivation to be a hero, one could even call it toxic masculinity if MHA were like… more thematically consistent about anything.

But let’s simplify for a moment and say Endeavor’s motivation for becoming a hero is really in line with the society of quirks we’re presented with in MHA. That he has a strong quirk, and he works hard, therefore he should rise to the top with his strong quirk and be stronger than anyone else, and defeat bad guys and that is what a hero is. Endeavor followed that line of thinkng from society perfectly, but he wasn’t able to become the strongest.

He’s obsessed with quirks and strength the same way society is, and even forced a quirk marriage which was said to be a negative aspect of humanity’s budding obsession with quirks and wanting quirks to be stronger.

So, Endeavor’s motivation for becoming a hero is entirely personal. However, Endeavor had the most agency to make his choice out of the three I’m presenting here. There was no pressuring circumstances for him to do what he did, except for the pressure that Endeavor put on himself. Endeavor was basically free to choose to become anything, and he chose to become a hero. Unlike Dabi, and Hawks he could have just become a hero and been satisfied with that especially due to the lack of external pressure but it was never enough for him.

Endeavor who had the most agency to choose, also destroyed the agency of others around him, his own family. He may be responsible for creating Touya/Dabi (the rest of this post is going to go forward on this assumption) but he definitely used his wealth of agency, fame, money, resources, in order to completely destroy and cut short the agency of both Rei and Todoroki for his own purposes.

Also it’s important to note that villains are usually the ones which limit the agency of others. Villains seize agency in order to act and create the circumstances, and heroes respond to those circumstances. Except the greatest antagonist to Shoto’s own arcs, the one that created the circumstances that he has to respond to, is the hero Endeavor. Then next on the line is Hawks. Hawks also has shaky at best motivations for being a hero, and partially selfish ones but for entirely different reasons.

As elaborated on in the last post, Hawks was raised by the hero system, saved fro a troubled home, and told because he had talent he simply had to become a hero.

So, if Hawks has empty motivations in this case it’s because his own agency is limited. From childhood he’s almost always done what others have asked for him, and his ability to make his own decisions, or be informed by his own motivations was pretty much nonexistant. His name is his hero name, he’s entirely Hawks.

Why is Hawks always resolving things on his own? He’s been taught by the system that there’s absolutely nobody else he can rely on. He’s been used as a tool from the beginning so the best way he can adapt to this is by making himself into the most efficient tool possible. “Well, I’ll still be a tool in the end but at least I’ll be a pretty damn good tool.” with the idea that if he does his job well enough he might be able to break free from the system that he’s become such a vital part of.

Hawks has to work as efficiently as possible, he’s obsessed with saving others and being the best even if he has to do all the work on his own and only stick his sidekicks with clean up. He’s basically tied to the job, and also of the idea of doing everything all on his own, simply because he has the ability to do so.

The irony being that Hawks obsesses over the idea of freedom, he works tirelessly so others can be free, he encourages them to be free and not waste themselves, and yet Hawks has no freedom of his own, specifically because he was born with those wings. The symbol of his freedom his wings, are also a curse to him.

So, Hawks entire motivation is agency, he wants to have agency, to be motivated to do things for his own reasons and not fro the sake of othes. He believes that people who are strong enough to fight for their own reasons are the ones that can be relied on and put people at ease but he is not one of them.

Which would explain Hawks strange opinion of Endeavor, even though once again Endeavor is somebody who created a broken home, a child abuser, the same kind of home that Hawks came from and is responsible for his current situation.

Simply put, Endeavor had agency and drive and he was able to decide those things for himself, something that Hawks is fundamentally lacking in and unable to see himself as able to do.

Hawks is so exhausted he can’t even bring himself to try, and he falsely sees Endeavor as somebody who did try even when it was impossible. So, he envies that part of him. Even after wearing himself out completely to become somebody who saves almost everyone and willingly sacrifices all of those feathers at a drop of a hat, Hawks still does not believe he’s done enough and lacks the energy to go further, and thinks he has to rely on someone like Endeavor with a big flashy power in order to set people at ease. Hawks from the beginning was setting up and manipulating Endeavor to be a symbol. He pretty much says so.

Hawks is more suited for the position, he’s more political, tactical, he genuinely wants to save people, he’s helpful to them and a friendly face, the only thing he’s lacking is being a total powerhouse which is what society thinks it needs right now, so he sets up Endeavor in his place while he works behind the scenes.

So, what Hawks is motivated by is being powerful enough to put people at ease, however the choices Hawks makes in order to fulfill that motivation are completely opposite.

His motivation is to have more agency as a hero, but his choices are always one that specifically limit his own agency. If Endeavor is a character that has all the agency in the world and abuses it to limit the agency of others, then Hawks is a character that limits his own agency over and over again even though all he desires is freedom. Both of these characters are making these choices because they revolve around the concept of being a hero.

Hawks also, was limited in his agency, in what he could become because of the circumstances of his birth and he was born with a body and quirk ideal for becoming a hero, and he still feels pressure and aftereffects of that upbringing even as an adult.

Then finally we bring ourselves to Dabi/Touya.

If Shoto and Hawks were born to become heroes, then Dabi specifically was born not to be a hero. His body would never be able to handle it. Not only to the point of not having an ideal combination of quirks and being a failure like Natsu and Fuyumi, but to the point of being physically disabled. His greater fire actively harms him because of the lack of his body and his own constitution, and the person who decided to make this risky choice to blend quirks was Endeavor, not caring about the child’s well being but rather how the child was born to fulfill his own ambitions. So, Dabi was given a shitty body since birth which limited his choices of what he could become in a really quirk obsessed society, and his father did this on purpose to him and threw him out as a failure when he did not turn out the right way.

So, the person so far born with the least agency in their situation is Touya. Whether or not he wanted to become a hero is not really a choice to him because his quirk destroys his own body, and his father dismissed him as a failure.

He’s also the inverse of Hawks, he was adopted became a hero whether he wanted to or not because he was born with a quirk that was ideal for the job. Dabi was abandoned and neglected because he was born with a quirk unideal for being a hero, and also his body would actively be destroyed if he pursued that path.

So, his response is to believe as Stain did that because he was excluded, that society itself was wrong about him and wrong about heroes.

Dabi’s introduction tells us two things, he doesn’t like people who aren’t dedicated to a cause, and who kill without reason like Himiko instantly being put off by her.

Second that he’s driven the same way that the hero killer is. That even acting as a villain, he wants to make a society where heroes act like real heroes.

It’s even apparent in his taunts to Aizawa, he tells Aizawa to act like a proper hero, to save his students. What’s a better call to action for a hero anyway than a proper antagonist.

He praises Aizawa for acting properly as a hero should. So, of allt he characters Dabi had the least amount of agency, that’s not to say he was forced to doing what he did, but he was the least suited to becoming a hero, and even then there’s still some part of Dabi that wants heroes to act properly, and there’s a cause he acts for that wants to affect some positive change.

Yet, at the same time born with the least agency, still motivated by cause and wanting heroes to act like heroes, Dabi is also of the three the character that burns up the most agency. Villains often have the most agency, because they don’t care whose agency they trample over to get what they want. In order for Dabi to have his current freedom, he had to walk over others and kill them, that became a necessary step to acheiving his goals in his mind.

Let’s say Dabi is acting like a vigilante here and giving him the most benefit of the doubt. That Stain did not like villains that acted without just cause either, so a bunch of low brand thieves only out to steal for themselves aren’t doing anything to improve society so they’re unnecessary, they’re in the way so Dabi burns them. Dabi’s ultimate goal of improving society becomes built on their sacrifice then, his agency comes from taking theirs away.

This is something Dabi is questioned about twice, you’re taking away living breathing people from the world, people with connections, all for your own purposes. No other member of the villain’s league is really questioned on their murders the way Dabi is. Because Dabi is the one who is trying to justify his killings as being for an improvement to society, the most out of anybody in the league.

Dabi’s own life was cut short, and his response now is to cut short the lives of others, for some perceived higher purpose of his. However, even still he differs from Endeavor, because of all the implicaitons that Dabi himself knows what he’s doing is wrong is feels guilty about it, and is actively destroying his own body in the process, Endeavor and Shoto both have one burn scar, Dabi’s entire body is covered in them.

Dabi’s too are inherently selfish and self driven motivation. He wants to correct the hero system yes, but only because the hero system is what created him, and he knows those cracks exist because he’s the one that fell through them. As much as it would benefit everybody, just like Hawks it’s still a deeply personal grudge created by his own circumstances.

So, Endeavor sacrificed the agency of others. Hawks sacrifices his own agency. And in his wild bid for freedom from his circumstances, Dabi is the one who makes the most radical choices. Born the son of a hero, he did the unthinkable and cast away all of society’s restrictions to become a villain instead. In order to walk that path he actively devours the agency of others around him. At the same time, he’s also limiting his own agency because he’s pushing his body and mind to their natural in born limits. Dabi acts both self destructive, and destructive of everything else around him. In order to gain agency, he destroys himself and others to get the agency he was denied when he was younger.

Yet, all three of these characters are still connected by their want to be a hero. They share a revolving motivation though each of them took a drastically different path.

#metasks #dabi #touya todoroki #dabi is a todoroki #dabi todoroki #endeavor #hawks #Anonymous

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weiqiankun-blog · 5 years ago

Text

beauty you hold.

female reader x mark lee

pretty frickin soft

my first piece of writing so i do hope you enjoy reading it

3k ish

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You'll admit, working at a coffee shop had it's quirks but there were just sometimes when all you wanted to do was go home and just sleep cause after all you were an exhausted college student and lets just say times were...tough sometimes. You've been working at your local coffee shop for awhile now and youve made friends with the other workers keeping in mind that theyre all quite older than you but atleast you have one close friend who works with you, this of course being one of your bestfriend's yuta. When you first met yuta, you kinda thought he was a pushover and a bit too bossy (or atleats thats what you said to him when you were explaining why you didnt approach him when you guys first met but actually it was only cause you were too scared). But ANYWAY, you were first to start working at the coffee shop, its name being 'Euphoria Cafe' and once you saw the help wanted sign through the window you were probably the first to apply cause you loved that place. Need a place to study? Euphoria, Need a place to relax? Euphoria, Need a place to sometimes see a few cute boys from time to time?... Euphoria (hotel?trivago (sorry i just had to)) so yeah. you got the job obviously and it was difficult at first to get used to how to use all the machines and everything but eventually you got the hang of it. And this is when your (not yet) best friend yuta comes waltzing in as the newly hired worker and you were kinda nervous cause yeah sure you're good with making friends but that doesn’t change that fact that you're terrified of embarrassing yourself especially in front of someone you found intimating.

So your first day together was awkward to say the least, there were many glances on both ends and all you guys said to each other were hi's, sorry's, here ya go's, and bye's when you guys left eventually. The next day it was like something snapped inside of you and you were having a really good day and you were just happy for ledgit no reason but when you're in moods like this, you kind of forget how to act around people or not forget but it's just a lot more free? So when you come into work you see yuta just getting in as well, and out of nowhere you just shouted, " hey yuta!!! how's your day been, excited for work?!" and the shock on his face was priceless and he just turned around and said, "oh, hey y/n, its been good and yeah i guess you could say i am", and to be honest you were kinda surprised he knew your name cause you guys literally never talked before yesterday and today was the first actual conversation you guys were having so naturally you asked, " oh woah, you know my name?", " well yeah, you know my name so...", "good point good point". And that was the start of a beautiful friendship, you guys grew really close and pretty fast and what surprised you the most was how jokingly flirtatious he got and it was definitely a joke cause at this point in your friendship you guys have seen TOO MUCH (dont be weird not like that) of each other to catch any feelings. You guys came to work together almost every day with him basically clinging onto you cause he needs affection and you obviously giving him it cause um who could resist. So yeah life was nice other than the crazy amount of work you had to do for college but OTHER THAN THAT just great :(.

Well anyway (yes this is a mark fluff just waittt) after few months of working there another employee joined and you recognized him almost instantly, he was in almost all of your classes but you guys barely talked, actually you guys only talked when you were forced to (partnered up and stuff). He wasnt in your shift but you always saw him leaving when you and yuta coming in. Eventually, mid-term break came along and yeah you were excited as hell but yuta was leaving to back to his hometown in japan so you would be pretty lonely. But then... you come into work one day not really being aware of your surroundings because you were too absorbed in your music but then when you walk in you see mark behind the counter not looking ready to leave at all so you said, "oh hi mark" (get the reference?) clear confusion coming out with your words and mark acknowledged it so he replied, " hey y/n, oh i asked if i could change my shift time because this works better for me so youll be seeing me for a while haha", " oh okay then i look forward to working with you", you say while nodding your head slightly. so mark right, you always liked him, not like crush sense but you thought he was cool you guess, and theres no denying that he was pretty cute but you never even had the idea of liking him until one day. So you come into work and suprisingly mark's not there he was usually early but you just thought oh he probably had something to do and didnt really care (#sorrynotsorry) but then in comes an extremely disheveled looking mark with messy hair and ripped jeans and a hoodie on and you were concerned to say the least. Thankfully no customers were in the shop yet and mark just runs to the counter panting and you genuinely think someone's been chasing him but he later explains he woke up like 2 minutes before he came to the coffee shop cause his phone ran out of battery hence alarm=nonexistent basically. That day you had a lot of customers and since you guys had to stay the entire day by the end of the day you were exhausted. When it was about an hour to closing mark just went on his break and it was just you in the shop because he just went for a walk which he regularly does for his break, something you noticed. but there werent many customers so you were okay but when you turned around to the register you saw a pink post-it saying: stay back today for a bit?. you already know mark wanted to just relax after work today and you guys had stayed back after work sometimes and you enjoyed it so you smiled and continued with the order for the customer. eventually he came back and you smiled and nodded and he smiled back and that just made you smile harder. so the day was finally over and you went to sit infront of the counter and took off your apron while mark was busy making something that you figured was his but when he was done you realized he had two drinks in his hand one being your favourite, a hot chocolate and one a berry smoothie. He placed the hot chocolate infront of you and you were like huh? and he said, “you drink this practically whenever you have the chance anyone would know it's your favourite". your heart kinda fluttered but you were like gurl dont be dumb staph but that didnt really stop much. you guys moved to the sofa after grabbing a few snacks (this was the main perk of getting the end shift cause you could stay back). You guys were facing each other and the windows were all still open blowing chilling air in and although you loved it you were cold and being the dumb one you are you forgot to bring a jacket so you shivered but you were fine after you closed the windows or so you thought for like two seconds and then you were like yeah no i be cold. "so care to explain why you came in looking like a wreck today" "so are you implying that i look good every other day" " well im not denying it.." you were always quite flirty with everyone unintentionally (sometimes intentionally) but mark kinda got used to it " i just slept really late yesterday and today wasnt the best" "i can tell but hey whats up?" "eh just stuff" "oh also ive been meaning to ask how long are you going to be working this shift?" "oh you want me to stay i see" "please, if anything the opposite" "mhmmm sure" he says with a smug look on his face, "well until your boyfriend comes back" you spat out your drink," my boyfriend?!" confusion was plastered on marks face and he said" yeah the guy you were working with before i came, yuta i think his name was?" you genuinely couldnt stop laughing until you eventually explained that he was just a bestfriend and you noticed a look of relief on his face? but pushed it aside. suddenly mark just got up and went to the back where you heard rummaging. after a few minutes mark came back with a t-shirt on and his hoodie in his hand. He threw over to you "stop shivering and wear this" he says he sat next to you this time causing you heart to basically jump out of your chest he wasnt that close or anything just him being kind. you mumbled a thanks. after a few moments of silence mark asked " so do you have a boyfriend?" "no you?" "nah. hey wanna lock up and just walk" you were actually glad he asked cause you were kinda tired of being in the cafe for this long and you thankfully nodded ---- you guys walked to a nearby park just talking about literally anything that came to your mind at this point you guys were pretty close and both of you guys knew things about each other that a lot of people dont, irrelevant and meaningful, like he knows that you only like the ends of those soda gummies cause apparently then have the most taste, but he argues that it all tastes the same, that doesnt stop him from eating the other end when you dont want it though, and you know that whenever hes stressed the only thing he wants to do is talk to someone he trusts and you were the same that way. as you were walking you werent really focusing on anything cause your heart was kinda all over the place cause youve officially developed a big fat crush on this idiot and you knew he didnt feel the same but then you being so absent minded caused you to trip and almost instantly mark grabbed your hand to stop you from falling over and you just started laughing while mark asked you if you were okay. you guys continued to walk in silence with the howling wind filling the air, although you guys were nothing you couldnt ask for more in this moment. you were reaching for your phone when you realized mark was still holding your hand you just stopped walking and froze staring at your hands clasped together (they werent intertwined but just holding ya get?) and obviously every force has an equal and opposite Reaction (its SciEnTifiC oKaY) so since you stopped walking and you were connected to mark he kinda was pulled back and this is when you noticed how red his face was and that surprised you but at the same time youre sure you were too (but like im brown so you wouldnt even be able to tell ay ay) "you only noticed i was holding your hand this entire time now?" "uh.. well.. ummm-" "sorry do you want me t-" he said as he started letting go "no no its fine i was just surprised thats all" and you guys continue walking except now your fingers are intertwined and your heart beating double time. you truly liked mark for his personality, for the way he made you laugh, the way he made you feel, the way he treated you, you really liked him. you guys found a a green patch that was pretty empty and decided to sit. mark was pretty sleepy so he asked if he could put his head on your lap and you said sure. it was pretty late at night but you werent scared if anything you felt safe and happy. mark did that to you and as you looked down at his face you truly realized how beautiful he was. his skin was so smooth and the fluorescent lights along the park were reflecting on his round glasses that shaped his face perfectly. you then hesitated before taking his glasses off cause you noticed he takes them off whenever hes tired so you just wanted him to feel comfortable. he opened his eyes at that and looked straight into your eyes, his eyes truly glimmered in the light as if they were shining stars of their own but what you didnt know is that those same eyes have been staring at you all night admiring your beauty and presence. you give him a slight smile and he does the same before shutting his eyes once again. you kinda wished he didnt because you wanted to stare into his eyes for more but atleast he was getting rest. this is when you decided to play some music. it was calm and relaxing and always helped when you were feeling stressed and you could tell mark was for whatever reason cause he refuses to tell you and since music was such a huge part of your life you hoped it would help him too. you started singing along lowly and not to brag or anything but your voice wasnt half bad, after all you were a music major and one of the instruments you play was your throat so you sounded pretty nice and mark seemed to agree with this cause he then reached for your phone and paused the music to say, " i like your voice better" and you being way too scared to sing infront of him refused but eventually he convinced you by saying he would sing as well which he did and you guys sounded nice.

after staying for a bit longer you decided it was time to go home so you told mark to get up and he obliged. he held his hand out for you and even after helping you up he continued to hold it. he insisted on dropping you off to your dorm which hes visited before to watch a movie or two but thats all. on your way back you asked him, "mark are you sure you dont want to talk about whats stressing you out?" "no its okay really, thanks for caring" he replied "anytime and if you change your mind just call me okay?" he nodded you guys reached your house by now and mark with such sincerity in his voice said" thanks for today, really" "we do this almost every week what are you talking about" " i know but just thank you for being you" he says while staring admirably at your face "look mark, well first you know im always here even if we arent working the same shift anymore im glad we became as close as we are now cause i truly cant imagine my life without you and yeah i know its really cheesy but its true but most importantly you need to stop beating yourself up whenever you mess up. youre human and we tend to make mistakes sometimes and thats fine because i know you mark and i know at the end of the day you’re going to be an amazing dancer and youll be great at whatever you want to do so i dont know whats bothering you but whatever it is i know you can overcome it so just keep your head up high and be strong but dont be afraid to talk to people about it. and mark, im just saying all this cause i care abo-" interrupting what you were saying mark comes closer and kisses you. His lips were warm contradicting the the cold weather and one of his hands was around your waist ever so gently pulling you closer to him while the other was on your neck gently caressing it. his lips were so gentle yet so passionate as if you could feel all of his emotions, your eyes were closed and your hands were around his neck and then your fingers ran through his hair. you dont even know how long the kiss went on but you had to pull away cause you were out of breath. Your foreheads were against each other and noses almost touching his eyes were closed and he mumbled under his breath " thank you, thank you so much. thank you for being the person you are and for making me feel the way i feel. every time i see you im so mesmerized by the amount of beauty you can hold. everything you do makes my heart beat faster and im just so glad that youre in my life and im really sorry if you dont feel the same ill act like this never happened if you want me to but i really like you and i have for a long while and i just want to compliment you everytime i see you and hold your hand and kiss you to show you how much i appreciate you and god y/n you make me feel things i dont think ive ever felt befo-" "mark..." you say moving your head to look a him, he hesitantly opens his eyes expecting a rejection "i like you too" you say before giving him a deep but quick kiss and after that he lift you up and hugs you and start cheering almost about how happy he is. And that was the start of your relationship with mark lee <3

3:00 AM 1/24/2019 (this is when I wrote this can you frickin believe wow welp.. that was it)

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pigstepmp3-moved · 6 years ago

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the writers really did buck dirty in s01e02

its the post you’ve all been waiting for—my Aggravated Analysis Of Everything That Makes Me Mad about the Therapy Scene tm, now featuring some things that show just how emotionally and mentally fucked buck is. now, i know we All hate that scene with all of our hearts (buck deserves to have a Good experience w therapy for once, but thats just my opinion), but i wanna go into detail about what exactly makes me SEETHE about that scene, complete w gifs and screenshots so i can better explain myself. im putting it all under the cut bc its kind of A Lot, so click that “read more” if you wanna read my angry complaining

alright, lets set the scene (i know we’re all aware of the situation behind this scene, but i think its important to remind you all of it). season one episode two. bucks still very much a Huge horn dog. buck has also very recently suffered his First loss on the job and its taking a huge toll on him. i think what’s most important to talk about before we get to the therapy scene itself is the scene where abby’s watching him on the news with carla.

(not the greatest quality, but that doesnt matter). he very clearly looks uncomfortable just talking about what happened in such a Casual, No Pressure setting. he says, “i was just doing my job. i’m happy we were able to help the people we helped and i’m really sorry about those we couldn’t save.” he stutters a few times as he says it, looks and sounds very uneasy, which seems very out of character for him. he’s usually super confident and chill, but as he’s asked to talk about this (most likely) traumatic thing, he kinda clams up, yknow? theres also something in his voice that reminds me very heavily of the way My voice sounds when Im trying to force back tears, but that might just be The Way He Talks

another thing that he says that really stands out to me (i dont know if this is necessarily important to the topic at hand, but i wanna talk about it so whatever) is, “. . . um, i’m sure they’re just turned on by the uniform. you know, i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” ignoring the more sexual connotations to what he’s saying there, let’s talk about what he most likely meant by that particular statement. he still sounds a little nervous as he says it and kind of avoids the reporters eyes. it sounds to me like this is a rare moment of buck’s insecurities being let loose. “i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” this implies, i think, some insecurities about like.. every part of himself. it almost seems like, in this moment, he thinks his only redeeming quality is the uniform. which might actually be what he’s thinking right then, ‘cause he’s still trying to figure out how to cope with his first loss. i think theres some part of him, somewhere behind that overly confident persona, that has a lot more insecurities than he shows, but thats a conversation for another day.

now, let’s move on a little from that. what i think is very important and notable about that scene is some of the things abby says after watching buck on the news. first thing she says that stands out to me is, “i’ve been thinking i might want to call him to see how he is.” she’s worried about him. i think she’s probably been worried about him since the first time he was on the news, earlier that episode. and for good reasons, i think, because later on, she says, “. . . he needs help, you know? i mean, he’s got so much pain in his face. everybody’s treating him like a hero. he doesn’t feel like a hero. as far as he’s concerned, the guy that he was trying to save fell.” like, wow, just tear my heart out and stomp on it a bunch, why dont you? its such a wonderful and apt summary of what buck’s going through. to put it rather simply, he’s fucking distraught, and for good reasons. plus, that quote is one of the Big things that influenced my headcanon of buck having depression, and i could probably analyze every single scene bucks in in this episode that have added onto that head canon of mind bc there are at least a couple different things i could blather on about, but that’s some analysis for another post (if you’re interested in me talking about that tho, definitely feel free to let me know)

now, let’s move on a little further to the Dreaded Scene (i’d totally go into the scene that immediately follows the last one i talked about, where buck and abby are speaking on the phone, but i think i’ve emphasized my point of buck going through some shit in this episode to the point where that isn’t strictly necessary). for the rest of this post, i’m gonna kind of analyze every single little thing that buck does and says in the therapy scene bc pretty much all of it contributes to my burning hatred of that therapist.

like, yeah, no SHIT, honey!! as far as we, the audience, are concerned, this is the First time he’s EVER been to therapy. in my own personal experiences, my first time going to therapy was SO uncomfortable. and just looking at buck right here makes me feel uncomfortable, too—he’s fidgeting with his hands, looks to the side, looks down, looks up at her for a moment before looking away again. this boy looks nervous as hell, and for good reasons. he confirms that he is in fact uncomfortable, and then the therapist says, “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” remember that, because i’m not gonna go into the importance of that quote just yet.

the next thing buck says is, “uh, yeah, i’m, uh, i’m not really into feelings.” he kind of avoids looking at the therapist as he says this, though not as much as he did in that last gif. but his voice is like... uncharacteristically quiet as he says it.

more!! avoidance!! he keeps averting his eyes, looking anywhere that ISNT his therapist. and at the end of what he says here, he clenches his jaw a little. a nervous tick, maybe? i don’t know. as he talks here, though, his voice is, yet again, very quiet. he sounds just about broken right here, and it makes my heart ache so bad for him

after a brief break to check out what athena and michael are talking about, his therapist says, "i treat a lot of first responders—people who run toward danger—but maybe there's something you're running from as well? what is it about discussing your feelings that scares you?" the answer buck gives her? a very defensive, “i’m not scared.” if youre not scared, then why are you avoiding talking about your damn feelings like the fucking black plague? and when i say that he says it defensively, i mean, like, way too defensive to Not be suspicious

we don’t get to hear anymore about that particular question because next, we’re checking up on athena and michael again, and then we’re talking about something else. the therapist says, "you lost somebody. that's hard."

as he says this, he sounds fucking SAD. he sounds completely and utterly BROKEN. throughout this whole clip, he sounds entirely broken. the therapist asks if this was his first time. he responds with, "i mean, i've had calls where it was... too late, but, uh, but i've only been doing this not even six months. now, i... i just can't shake the feeling that this one didn't need to go down the way that it did." again, he sounds like he’s hurting really badly. this loss is really taking a huge toll on him and that is Very clear. she then asks him if he thinks there was something he could have differently. he doesnt respond, just looks up at her like this:

his eyes are a little red, and it looks like there are some tears in his eyes. like wow, you could murder me and it would hurt less than seeing buck like this

now, the next snippet is about where everything Starts Going To Shit (this is also the part where i start sobbing like a dumb baby, but thats neither here nor there).

you see that shit right there?? if you listen hard enough, you can hear my heart breaking into a million pieces. from this point on, buck is CRYING. honest to god fucking CRYING. he looks like he’s hurting so badly, especially at the end of that gif, when he furrows his eyebrows. it looks kind of like he’s trying to keep himself from straight up Sobbing. i’m sure it seems almost like i’m dwelling on this for a little longer than necessary, but i think emphasizing how emotional he is in this part is very important to understand just how much the end of this scene makes me fucking SEETHE. this next little bit is where i start to transition from Sadness to absolute Rage

you see that? this is the start of my slow deterioration into madness. up until this point, everything about this therapy session was completely and entirely professional. but home girl decides, hey, yknow whats a good idea? waltzing my happy ass across the room, sitting down directly in front of my PATIENT, and resting my hand on said PATIENT’s arm. i dunno about you guys, but this seems terrible on so many levels that it isnt funny.

now, yknow what happens next? some classic avoidance from our boy. she calls him mr buckley, so he says, "it's, um... it's actually just buck." (after VERY AUDIBLY SNIFFLING by the way, but i digress). he then deflects even FURTHER by asking her if she friended him on facebook.

“i thought you looked familiar,” he says. he’s no longer actively crying at this point, but there are most certainly still some tears in his eyes.

now, do you know what happens next, after a brief break to check up on athena and michael? the worst thing that could happen happens! i know it, you know it, little miss unprofessional sleeps with buck! and yknow what she says Immediately afterwards? “i can’t believe i just did that. i am so sorry.” like.... no! saying “sorry” doesnt change the fact that you TOOK ADVANTAGE of someone who is CLEARLY not in the right frame of mind to consent to something like that. yknow what he was doing the last time we saw him? crying. bc hes in a very vulnerable place in this episode. and yeah, sure, i guess you could make the argument that he was seducing her a little, but that doesnt change the fact that this is fucked up. now, side note about me, i’m only in high school and i’ve never had any job before, so i dont quite know the ins and outs of the professional world. but i do know a thing or two about common sense, so its pretty easy for me to assume that shit like this is awful on like a million different levels. i think the power imbalance is super clear to anyone who has any number of brain cells.

now, buck being as emotionally stunted as he is, says that she made him feel better (probably just for a few minutes, but thats neither here nor there). and yknow what she says? “you should go.” remember that quote from earlier? the one that i said was important and that i was going to go into later? “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” yknow what buck Didnt do? deal with those feelings. he talked about his feelings for maybe ten minutes, and that’s assuming that, during the cuts to athena and michael, the session was continuing and that it wasnt a matter of like, oh, this stuff is happening At The Same Time.

and all that is just During the session. we dont ever see the aftermath of it, we dont ever see buck talking about that session or anything along those lines. and we most certainly dont see him trying to go talk to a different therapist. the rest of what im going to be talking about this post is purely speculation, but i think its highly probable that this could all be canon. like i just mentioned, as far as we know, buck hasnt gone to another therapist after that shit show. additionally, we can also assume that buck really hasnt talked to like....... anyone about the shit he’s gone through, both past shit and shit that was brought up from this first loss of his. so as far as we’re concerned, he’s never properly worked through it all. he’s also probably never gotten any proper coping mechanisms to deal with any further losses. it seems a little too morbid to think that bucks just gotten used to the feeling that comes with losing someone, so i think its pretty safe to assume that, after every single loss he suffers, he gets like..... super fucked up, purely because he never talked about (a), the reason why hes scared to talk about feelings, or (b), how to deal with said feelings, especially when they’re bad. and thats not fair to him!! that loss clearly took a huge toll on buck, Most of the description of that episode is talking about the roller coaster and bucks feelings, but he never got to heal from it. if buck doesnt get something akin to a redemption arc, where he gets to see a therapist to properly work through all of his issues, i’m going to riot

anyway. thats all i have to say on the matter. i’ve been working on this for most of the day because i have so many thoughts and feelings about the way buck was treated during this episode. i will die mad about it. but i think i’ve said pretty much all i have to say on the topic now, so i hope my frustrated rambling was interesting or whatever to read. so, thanks for reading! ♥

#evan buckley #buck buckley #911 fox #911 on fox #lemme know if there are any errors or anything? im not proof reading this bc im much too lazy and bc i just wanna post this shit already #kendall blabbers #(maybe i should make a tag eventually just for ranting like this. i dunno. we'll see)

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blatherkatt · 7 years ago

Text

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 33: Declarations

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Implied/Mentioned abuse, mentions of terrorism, death mention, injury mention, depiction of an emotional breakdown, trauma aftermath; Illustrated; Pesterlog

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG] —

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

— tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum! —

CG: FUCK YOU, I CAN SEE THAT FOR MYSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM. I’M GONNA FUCKING YELL ANYWAY.

CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP AT NOON. IT’S LIKE, 1:30 AND YOU STILL AREN’T HERE, WHAT GIVES?

CG: IF YOU GOT KIDNAPPED, TOO, I SWEAR TO FUCK I’M PERSONALLY PUTTING THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN FAMILY UNDER PERMANENT WATCH.

CG: I’M NOT ABOVE SITTING ON YOU ASSHOLES IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES.

TG: okay first off i know youre like a literal alien but heres a protip for ya:

TG: general human earth etiquette is to not text people who you know are probably driving?

TG: its like a whole thing

CG: WHY

TG: idk probs because texting while driving’s a great way to fucking crash lol

TG: anyway!!

TG: yeah im real sorry about that mom fucking rang me up like

TG: hi im at the airport come get me!

TG: out of fucking nowhere because everything has to be a fucking hassle with this woman

TG: so i had to go get her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WAS SHE AT THE AIRPORT?

TG: because fuck me is why

TG: and THEN shes like

TG: ooooh i gotta do some mysterious whatthefuckever errand at some mall out in the middle of nowhere

TG: so now im sitting in the parking lot waiting for her to get back which might be a while because her bad leg’s been acting up lately

TG: and thats why im not there yet >:(

CG: WAIT. WAIT, HOLD ON, I’M CONFUSED.

CG: BY “MOM” ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RACHEL? I DIDN’T EVEN THINK SHE HAD A BAD LEG.

TG: nonono

TG: ray is like. dirk and dave and rose’s mom

TG: i dont call her mom i just call her aunt ray cuz shes not my mom yknow

TG: my mom is aunt ray’s sister

TG: aunt ramona? they talk about her?

CG: OOOOOOH. YEAH.

CG: THE WOMAN WHO WRITES THOSE SHITTY SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE BOOKS KANAYA LOVES.

TG: hahaha yeah her trashy shit is great

CG: SHE’S HERE?

TG: apparently!!!!!!!!

CG: I’M SENSING SOME BITTERNESS.

TG: ugh its fine she just always does shit like this

TG: womans always gotta make a fuckin entrance even if that means not telling anyone shes coming

TG: and its goddamn annoying as shit!!

TG: but its fine i get it shes here to help out and we are kinda all hands on deck

TG: speaking of tho i heard something about kanaya not coming along after all?

CG: NOT YET, NO.

CG: SHE’S BEEN TALKING TO ROSE, AND APPARENTLY DAVE’S BEEN PRETTY UNEASY WITH THE NUMBER OF NEW FACES AT THE HIVE.

CG: HOUSE. WHATEVER.

CG: TEREZI’S PROTECTION DETAIL HAS HIM KIND OF ON EDGE, I GUESS?

CG: SHE’S GONNA COME AROUND LATER PROBABLY. AND MIGHT END UP STAYING WITH PORRIM AND KEEP IT TO VISITS, AT LEAST UNTIL THINGS SETTLE DOWN A BIT.

CG: SO IT’S JUST ME FOR NOW.

TG: ooooh yeah geez i bet

TG: poor dave :( :( :(

TG: i gotta tell you and mom some uh. serious shit about him when i pick you both up

TG: id pass it on here but its probs better if i just tell you face to face?

CG: OH, WONDERFUL!

CG: MORE NO DOUBT HORRIFIC NEWS REGARDING DAVE.

CG: I CAN’T WAIT. THIS PANIC ATTACK’S GONNA BE ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS, I CAN JUST FEEL IT!!!

TG: :(

TG: tl;dr hes not in great shape but hes getting better but theres some stuff we gotta go over

TG: jfc mom what the fuck are you doing its been ages

CG: SO WAIT. SHE JUST HAD YOU DRIVE HER OUT SOMEWHERE AND WALKED OFF ALONE?

TG: yeah

TG: woman can take care of herself just fine so like im not worried??

TG: but still, like. cmon woman!!! whatever it is hurry up a little

TG: it cant be that important we got places to be

In terms of location, it was almost an outlet mall; somewhat detached from the nearest city and surrounded by forest. It was mostly all one building, positioned in a dip in the ground next to a clear stream, and these features had helped make it a serviceable fortress during the invasion, although Derek had regularly complained that he’d have preferred a site that held the high ground. Still, they’d made do; the roof was high enough that one could see for quite some distance, the stream offered fresh water, the trees provided decent enough cover during skirmishes, and the walls were thick enough to turn away most weather and weapons. It hadn’t been much, but it had served well enough as home for six years for around threescore ragtag survivors-turned-fighters.

Out in the surrounding forest, those who hadn’t survived that conflict still lay buried in pitiful graves marked only with a stone or a chunk of wood. There hadn’t been time to properly put anyone to rest; it had been risky enough for two or three people to slip out during a stretch of quiet with a shovel and a body. They simply hadn’t been able to afford to have any sort of formal burial, not with the threat of an attack constantly looming.

Even so, even so…

Derek had picked a spot he would remember.

In life, the oak tree would have been the kind people would have thought of as a monarch, with branches spread wide and gnarled wood ancient and strong, holding children in its branches as easily as if they were made of nothing; but the tree had already been dead by the time the invasion started, a great, ancient, dried-out husk. Even so, decades later, it still stood, its branches reaching toward the sky, the other trees forming a circle around it as though too respectful to come too close. Mushrooms and trails of greenery crept about a quarter of the way up the ancient trunk.

At its roots, a rotting wooden spar stuck up out of the ground. This, too, had been reclaimed by flowers, grasses and mushrooms, decorating the splintered and decayed timber with dark summer greens and pale white-and-lavender blooms.

Derek Strider, down on one knee with his sheathed sword held in his right hand, sighed. Of course, the trouble with having to bury the dead so hastily meant that there’d been no one to look over the graves, so it was to be expected that it be in such disrepair, but even so, seeing this one choked out by the invading flora was…

It wasn’t right.

Overhead, the ancient branches rustled slightly, and the raucous calling of a bird broke the silence. Derek narrowed his eyes and ignored it, tried to write the disrespectful noise out of the scene.

The crow seemed to have other ideas. The bird lighted down on the wooden grave marker, red eyes fixed on Derek’s face. It flapped its wings a few times, cawing incessantly. Derek scowled, unsheathed his sword, and struck —

The blade passed through the bird with no resistance whatsoever. The creature’s body split in two, bloodlessly, as though Derek had cut through smoke — it even looked like smoke, like a cloud cut in two by a passing jet. As Derek looked on, uncomprehending and with a growing sense of dread, the bird’s body seemed to pull itself back together, a video played in reverse, and the bird’s accusatory squawks started up again as though nothing had happened.

Derek was on his feet in an instance, stepping away from the beast, and as he did, he happened to look up…

Perched on nearly every branch of the old tree were ravens. Unlike the crow, they were all silent, and aside from the occasional shifting of a foot or tilting of a head, motionless. Scores of staring animal eyes bored into him.

Derek had never been a superstitious man, but nor was he the sort of fool to ignore the truth his own eyes showed him. He’d spent six years fighting alongside a witch, and seen enough to learn that some things really couldn’t be explained away as coincidence.

Had it been anyone else, he would have responded to the sound of footsteps approaching this site with a furious attack; even Ben knew better than to disturb him here. But when he whirled to face the intruder, he froze.

She’d aged more since he’d last seen her than he would have expected. Hints of silver streaked her hair, and she leaned heavily on her gnarled black cane. A faint breeze stirred the black fabric of her dress, playing with the light shawl laying across her shoulders. The crow had fallen silent.

“Put that thing away before you take someone’s eye out,” said Ramona, nodding nonchalantly at Derek’s sword.

Derek narrowed his eyes, and did not respond aloud, instead choosing to slowly and deliberately slide the sword back into its sheathe. Only after his left hand had returned to his side did Ramona nod and continue.

“That’s better,” she said. “Now we can talk things over like reasonable adults. Mind you, I ought to do the world a favor and wipe you out right now,” and Derek took a slow, deep breath at that, as she continued, “But I’d prefer not to desecrate your brother’s grave by staining it with your blood. I respect him far too much for that. You, however, have somehow managed to exceed all of my worst expectations to a nearly unfathomable degree, as of late. I’ve held off on this confrontation out of respect for the past, but I can see now that this was a mistake.”

Derek shifted. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect our damn planet, Ramona,” he started, but was cut off.

“Really?” she said, “Well, then. I’m not about to attempt to ask you to cease killing trolls, as we both know that would be pointless, but I would very much like to know how exactly burning your own son alive plays into your grand battle strategy?”

“He…he turned on us,” Derek said, through gritted teeth, “He forced my hand, left me no choice!”

“He is a child!” Ramona snapped. “And you, of all people, should know better! If you really must follow this path of self-destruction to its end, fine, but he should never have been involved!”

“I—”

“And in any case, you had a perfectly good sword on hand, I’m sure. If young Dave really did need to die, you could have executed him with minimal pain, but no, you wanted him to hurt, to know he was dying and to fear you and suffer as he passed. How do you justify that, Derek? How does anyone, especially a child, deserve anything of the sort?”

The eyes of the ravens and that damned crow still drilled into him. He could feel the stares on his back, but kept his eyes locked on Ramona’s, refusing to back down.

He wasn’t going to take back what he’d done. There’d be no guilt, he’d done nothing wrong except overreact a bit. It was justified. That…that boy wasn’t Dave. Ramona was using the name like a blade, but she’d not win that way. He didn’t deserve the fucking name, didn’t deserve to have anything to do with Dave, he never would have let Rachel name the kid that if he’d known he was going to grow up to be such a pathetic, useless little coward.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he said.

“No, I suppose you don’t,” said Ramona, folding her hands over the top of her cane. “I’ve a fairly good idea, in any case.” She sighed. “The war is over, Derek. The time to put aside this violence and misery is long since behind us. Our children do not deserve to grow up as we did.”

“The trolls are still here,” Derek spat.

There was a long silence. Ramona sighed again.

“Fine, then,” she said, “So be it. Do as you will. Chase violence as long as you like. But if you come near my family again, I will consider it an act of war.”

She turned, and he was tempted to take the bait, to try attacking her while her back was turned, but he held still. It was infuriating, knowing what a pointed insult turning her back on him was, knowing that she knew he would not risk attacking her—but she was right. She was much too dangerous.

“Come along, little one,” she said, abruptly. The crow rose off the grave and flew to land on top of Ramona’s cane. If Derek had cared to pay any attention, he might have noticed the crow look back at him with something like regret in its eyes, but Derek was already far too lost in his own thoughts.

As one bird, the ravens took wing, dispersing in all directions, leaving him alone again.

The trouble with trying to go from Alternian to English was a multifaceted one, to be sure, but so far the most obnoxious piece of it that Karkat could see was the tendency of guides on how to speak English to simply use the closest Alternian equivalent as an English word’s translation. More and more, the two languages were notably extremely different, and while he could speak English well enough that he’d never had any serious problems, there were any number of words that he kept tripping over as a result of a translation being extremely unclear and culturally misleading.

Witches, for instance, were clearly something very different on Earth. The Alternian word that was translated to English as “witch” was, like most Alternian words, a series of noises in the ‘click and growl’ family that most humans lacked the anatomy to create, and generally refered to certain lowblood prophets and healers in Alternian folklore. They were those who lived away from society and who, through some lucky genetics and convenient psychic powers, were able to fend of drones and effectively disappear from the world at large’s knowledge. They kept to themselves, sought to harm no one who didn’t attack them first, offered shelter to the weak and the hunted, and as such were always portrayed as utterly despicable beings in fiction, as no writer with any sense of self-preservation had dared to portray such reckless treachery under the rule of the last Condesce. There might have been some changes to the lore under the new one’s rule, but things like that changed slow.

In any case, they certainly weren’t anything like the old woman in a shawl who was sitting next to Roxy in the front of her car.

She was dressed all in black, for one thing. Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear much black. Some Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear all that much clothing at all, really. Most seemed to belong to ancient religions that weren’t particularly fond of shirts.

Ramona was definitely magic as shit, though, Rachel’d been right about that much. Was that all a witch was on Earth, just someone with magic? Fuck, if that were the case, then probably like at least a third of all trolls were witches by Earth’s standards. Then again, maybe magic was another poorly translated word? English didn’t seem to have a word to separate “things that we (read: trolls) know exist, like psychic powers and psiionics and ghosts and chucklevoodoos,” and “things that are super fake and don’t actually happen ever and make no sense.”

Whatever. In any case, Ramona didn’t look at all like Karkat had expected, and when he climbed into the back of the car, she didn’t react to his presence with anything stronger than an amiable nod. She seemed to have her mind on other things, and was largely silent at first.

Roxy wasn’t; she immediately piped up happily as Karkat swung open the door with a “Hey, man! Sorry about taking so long! Can you, uh, do me a favor and check on Jaspers? He’s in the carrier behind Mom, Rose asked me to pick him up while she and Aunt Ray were gone. He’s been missing them a lot, all staring out the window and kneading his blanket and shit, and he’s not a huge fan of car rides.”

“He’s asleep,” Karkat said after glancing into the little crate.

“Awesome. Alright, buckle up and we’ll get this damn show on the road.”

“On the road again, just can’t wait to get on—”

Karkat tilted his head as the car’s radio abruptly changed from quietly playing some human pop song over to something much louder and completely different. Ramona stifled a snort as Roxy stabbed a button, switching the radio back to the previous channel.

“No, thank you,” she said, glaring. “Christ, the fuck is with this thing today, I swear to god.”

“I suppose it may simply be getting into the spirit of things,” said Ramona with a smile. As the car pulled away from the curb, she turned back a bit to face Karkat. “It’s Karkat, isn’t it? Rachel’s been sending me any number of emails with updates, and from the sound of things, you’ve been rather instrumental in bringing young Dave back into the fold, so to speak.”

“…Into the what?”

“It’s a figure of speech, meaning in this case that you’ve helped us return him home as well as helping him to adjust to being there,” she said. “For which you have all of our heartfelt thanks. Ours is perhaps not the most functional of families, but it is ours, and as I’m sure you’ve seen firsthand, ripping away a piece of it the way Derek did has had some very painful consequences for all involved. We owe you a great deal.”

“Yeah, man!” Roxy said. “And from what Rose has been telling me, you were kind of a big part of why he finally spilled what he knows. Which, he did bee-tee-dubs, which means he’s off house arrest finally, so that’s good—”

“—And a partridge in a pear tree,” the radio crackled.

“What the fuck? It’s August,” Roxy scowled. She turned the radio off altogether as Ramona glanced hurriedly out the window.

“Speaking of Dave,” Karkat said, hopefully before anyone got distracted again, “Roxy, you mentioned that there was something that you needed to say face to face?”

“Right, shoot, yeah,” said Roxy. The car turned onto the long road that led eventually to the Lalonde hive. “Okay, so, like. There’s definitely some shit you should know before we get there, but I wanna preface it all real clearly by saying that Dave’s okay, y’know? He’s got a lot of healing to do, but the doctors said that as long as he’s looked after and we change bandages and shit and he gets plenty of rest, he’s definitely not in any danger anymore. He’s…weak, but he’s not like gonna keel over at any moment, okay?”

“Not actually making me feel any better, Roxy!” said Karkat. Oh, boy, with a preface like that…

“Well, fuck, I tried, I guess. Uh. So, Dave did get hurt…pretty bad, and there were some other complications—oh, for fuck’s sake!!”

“Watch me, watch me, hey, watch me, watch me!” The radio was louder than ever. Ramona’s hand flew up, poorly hiding a grin.

Karkat leaned around Roxy’s seat to glare at her.

“What the fuck, Roxy,” said Karkat.

“I’m not doing this!” Roxy said, waving her hand wildly. “I swear to fuck, I wouldn’t! I really do need to pass on some shit about poor Dave, and the radio’s never done this before? It’s been acting up since a little before we picked you up, keeps changing on its own and shit, augh!”

She fought with the controls, but the song stopped only for a moment before getting even louder.

“Why the fuck do you humans even have this obnoxious song?! Who listens to this?? It’s literally just some squawking wiggler screeching for its lusus’s attention!”

“I mean, I kinda love it for that honestly, it’s terrible and stupid and wonderful, but like, come the fuck on??? What’s with this thing?! Now is not the time!”

“Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass—“

“GOD, that’s even worse!!” Roxy yelled, slamming her fist down on the dashboard. “Fucking stop!!”

“That’s enough for now,” Ramona said, almost murmuring it.

The radio turned off. Karkat and Roxy both turned a suspicious eye on Ramona, and with equal simultaneity, decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway,” Roxy said slowly, “What I was trying to say is, um…Karkat, do you know what it means for someone to ‘flatline?’ Because, um. Dave kinda did, for like, a minute and a half.”

Karkat shook his head, realized Roxy probably couldn’t see him with her eyes on the road, and said, “Uh, I have no idea what that word means, no.”

“Well, um…”

“It refers to a heart monitor indicating that the heart has ceased beating,” Ramona said. “The machine indicates activity with a line which shows peaks and valleys, and it goes flat when that activity has stopped, thus, ‘flatline’. The organ we call a heart serves an equivalent function to what trolls call a ‘blood pusher’ or a ‘pump biscuit.’”

Karkat felt for a moment like his own pump biscuit had stopped.

“Shit, Mom, when did you get so good at translating to trolls?” Roxy murmured.

Ramona shrugged. “I’ve made efforts to reach out,” she said. “The war ended, after all, and since we’re allies now, it doesn’t hurt to learn about each others’ cultures.”

“His fucking—What?!” Karkat screeched, unable to keep the harsh buzzing whine out of his voice. God, that was such a moirail noise, and any other time he’d have yelled at himself for not keeping it under control, but not now, not when… “His fucking blood pusher stopped and I’m supposed to be calm!?!”

“They got it moving again!” Roxy said. “He’s okay now, the doctors said it was going strong! It was, um, mostly just exhaustion, they think? Like, the burn wounds could’ve killed him on their own, sure, but they got on those quick enough that if he’d been healthy to begin with he probably wouldn’t have been so bad off? But between ten years of, you know…and just, apparently he hasn’t been eating enough even while he’s been back with us? And Ray’s gonna get on his ass about that, but, just—look, the thing is, Dirk doesn’t know about this yet, and Aunt Ray’s asked that we try to keep it that way, and I don’t really get why but I think she has her reasons?”

Karkat was definitely hyperventilating, oh fuck, oh fuck—Ramona’s hand reached back to touch his own, snapping him out of it.

“It’s fine to be worried,” she said, gentle. “I promise you, though, it is as Roxy says: he’ll be fine given time to recover and the safety with which to do so. He’ll be alive when we get there.” She sat back in her chair, turning towards the road again. “As for Dirk, I suspect Rachel is waiting for things to settle down before breaking it to him gently. He is, for better or worse, very like his father, and Derek handled his brother’s death poorly, in large part because at the time we could not afford to mourn. Rachel probably wants to make sure that Dirk does not feel he has to force himself to be strong when she tells him.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Roxy muttered. “Anyway, the main thing about that is that he’s not got a lot of energy right now, so don’t…take it personally if he just falls asleep on you sometimes? Especially with the painkillers he’s on, apparently that’s a side effect, too. He can walk short distances, but he gets wobbly quick and needs help sometimes, so there’s that too.”

“Fuck,” said Karkat, softly.

The next ten minutes of the ride were carried out in tense silence. This was broken by the radio once again bursting back on and blasting the ass song again, at which point Roxy threatened to pull over and smash the fucking thing to smithereens.

By the time they actually got to the fucking house, Karkat felt like his soul was going to vibrate right out of his fucking body with impatience. They had yet another delay in the form of Terezi’s protection detail—Terezi herself wasn’t there, but some officers were, and they insisted on knowing about any weapons the three of them had as well as names, and went in to check with the family while making them all wait outside by the car. Karkat already had his fucking bag in hand, he was ready to go, but no, they had to go through this tedious procedure! Sure, it was probably a smart move, and when he was feeling a little more sensible he’d be more okay with it as it was the sort of thing that probably would make them all feel a bit safer (especially poor fucking Dave), but right now the were a pain in the ass and he was going to fucking explode!!! If they didn’t!!! Let him get in the fucking hive!!!!!

Rose stepped out as they were still talking to the police, and for the first time in his life Karkat was unspeakably happy to see her. She quickly confirmed to the police that all three of them were in fact expected and trusted by this household, and then gently let Jaspers out of his carrier. The cat immediately yowled and threw himself into her arms, kneading at her shoulders and rubbing his face against hers, and it all would have been super cute if Karkat didn’t have his mind on other fucking things.

“Come on in,” Rose said, nodding towards the door. “Dirk’s on the couch and Dave’s in Mom’s room, as neither of them can handle stairs right now and Dave needs his bandages changed at least twice a day. Karkat, do you—”

She was talking to air. He was already in the fucking door.

And then had to face the fact that he’d never actually been to Rachel’s room. Fuck. Rachel was coming up the hall, though, and a slightly bewildered young human (wait, fuck, that was Dirk, what happened to his hair? It looked so weird hanging down like that instead of spiked up) was sitting on the couch with an Earth husktop on his lap. Roxy pushed in the door with Ramona right behind her, dropped a heavy wheeled bag right next to the door, and immediately launched herself at Dirk, who gave a startled yelp as she did so.

Rachel rested a hand on Karkat’s shoulder as she passed him, rushing up toward Ramona throwing her arms around her shoulders. The two shared a long hug, and Rachel kissed Ramona’s cheek.

“God, I’m so glad you’re here,” Karkat heard Rachel murmur, before Rose tapped his shoulder.

“I was asking if you knew where Mom’s room is,” Rose said.

“Uh.”

“It’s down the hall to the observatory, but you take a left before you get to it. Make sure to make plenty of noise on the way over, Dave gets really jumpy when he’s the only person in that room. He can’t block the door since we need to be able to come in and out, and it’s got him a bit on edge.”

Karkat nodded, unable to get any words out past the lump in his throat. He more or less just dropped his bag on the ground and pushed past, zooming around toward the room indicated. Dave looked half-asleep when Karkat pushed the door open, and waved as he sat up with some effort.

God, the photo Rose had taken didn’t do justice to how fucking bad he looked. There were bruises across his face and neck turned a weird greenish-gray but still dark against his skin, and bandages everywhere, his hair was a mess (although that might have just been from sleeping). He was in some oversized shirt with an Earth hoofbeast on the front that was probably Dirk’s judging by the size, and Karkat had no idea why Dave had it on but right now he didn’t care.

“Hey, man, uh. Shit’s been crazy, huh?” Dave said with an awkward grin. He didn’t have his shades on either, which made sense if he’d been sleeping, except they weren’t on the bedside table (which did instead contain a nearly empty glass of water, several bottles of pills and salves, and a first aid kit from which clean cloth bandages overflowed).

Two weeks of emotion boiled over all at once. Wordless, Karkat stomped across the room and grabbed Dave’s stupid fucking shirt in both hands and tugged him close.

“It was three days, Dave,” Karkat hissed.

“Wha—?”

“Three days! And you got yourself fucking kidnapped by a terrorist on day goddamn two!! What the fuck, Dave?!” His voice was threatening to abandon him, but Karkat forced it right back into place by sheer willpower. This tangent would not be fucking stopped, hell no. “I take my eyes off of you for two days, and you get yourself into shit again! What the fuck!!! Do you have any idea how-how fucking agonizing it’s been waiting for news?! And you’re just sitting there like ‘Oh, hey! What’s up?’ What’s up is my foot up your waste chute, you hopeless fucking—!” Okay, nope, his voice was leaving after all, actually. He felt tears roll down his face, and he should’ve been more worried about that, but Dave already knew about his blood color and he was the only troll in the house right now, so, fuck it, fuck it all! Helpless, he tugged Dave closer again, letting his face press against that stupid shirt, claws still twisted into the fabric as he sobbed.

“Holy shit,” Dave muttered.

“I was so fucking scared,” Karkat gasped. This was pathetic, they weren’t remotely a couple, Karkat had no right to be this worked up and he knew it, but…Dave wasn’t exactly pushing him away, either, was he?

“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t even…It wasn’t planned this time, it just sorta happened, and Dirk got hurt, and I…”

“I’m not actually angry at you, despite having so much right to be that legislacerators everywhere have preemptively declared me innocent. I’m just fucking screaming for the sake of it, dumbass.”

“Oh.”

The awkward pause that followed was filled with only the sound of Karkat’s weeping, which, fuck, he was probably too fucking embarrassed to tell him off. Except…Dave’s hand lifted up to rest gently against Karkat’s back, so, maybe he didn’t mind that much? Was that wishful thinking?

“Sorry for this,” he said, just in case, as he pulled away a bit. “It’s really fucking embarrassing, I know, I just…”

“It’s cool, man,” said Dave. Then, with a wink, he said, “I know you got your massive Strider homocrush, it’s only natural—”

“Dave, I swear to fuck, injured or not, I will pummel you into dust with a fucking pillow, don’t test me!” Karkat snapped.

Dave snorted. “Hey, man, it’s fine, everyone’s allowed to be a lil gay sometimes with their friends, it’s only natural.”

“I’ll ‘natural’ you!! Motherfucker, I spent the two weeks worrying about your wellbeing and you come at me with more of this bullshit!!”

Dave cackled with laughter. Karkat rolled his eyes and sniffled. He feigned annoyance as best he could, but, God, it was such a relief to hear Dave laugh. Rubbing a sweater sleeve furiously across his eyes, Karkat pulled back, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “Okay, but seriously, what’s with the shirt?” he asked, gesturing at the floating head of the hoofbeast. It wasn’t even a joke or a drawing. It was just…a straight photo of a hoofbeast’s face, with no text or explanation of any sort. What the fuck??

Dave glanced down, and snickered. “Oh, shit. Uh, yeah, we needed something that’s easy to get me in and out of, since the bandages on this fuckin’ burn need to be changed like, a lot, not to mention the gross-ass cream they have us slathering all over it on the regular. We tried a button down, but the buttons were kinda chafing, and like…who the fuck wants to ruin a fancy shirt with gross burn juices, right? And Dirk’s shit is more comfortable, and this one’s big enough that it’s real easy to take off even if I’m high on the damn painkillers.”

Karkat winced slightly, but decided not to comment. The scream from the video echoed somewhere in his think pan. “Where’re your shades?”

“Bro fuckin’ stepped on them or something, man, I dunno. They fell off at some point, and they were already cracked before all that, and Terezi just found pieces. Which fucking sucks, I mean God dammit, those were a gift from John. Shit sucks.”

“John?” Karkat tipped his head.

“Yeah, he’s like, an old friend of mine. Have I not mentioned him to you? Whatever, he, uh.” Dave scratched at the side of his head. “He was an online friend from before Bro started doing the, uh, raid shit, and I kept talking to him and another friend, Jade, for a while afterwards even though I wasn’t supposed to?”

“Jade’s name I remember,” Karkat said.

“Haha, yeah, yeah cuz I told you about…anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I guess since Dirk’s college is starting up again soon, not that he’s going for the first couple weeks with his leg and a fucking concussion, but, it’s starting up, and John’s sister goes there too, and he’s gonna come with so we’ll be able to hang out for a bit? Which is fuckin’ rad, I haven’t even talked to the guy in three years and we’re finally meeting in person.”

“You want him to be here? While you’re this badly injured?” Karkat yelped.

Dave blinked at him like he’d just grown a secondary head.

“I mean, yeah?” Dave said. “Like, yeah, I’m not in great shape and I guess it’ll be a lil weird for him to see me like this, but I’ve missed him.” Before Karkat could press the question further, though, Dave yawned. “Ugh, fuck, I wanna keep talking, but I’m…halfway to falling asleep, shit.”

“Oh,” said Karkat. He got up, ready to leave. He wanted to stay, wanted to curl himself around Dave’s obnoxiously lanky frame as best he could and protect this fragile idiot human from the entire universe, but…it wasn’t his place, was it? No.

“You leaving?” said Dave, rubbing at his unbruised eye.

“You said you wanna sleep,” Karkat said.

“Right. Uh. Could you, like…fill this back up for me, then, I guess?” Dave said.

“…Sure,” said Karkat.

He was…still confused, but Dave was tired, so he didn’t press. But he couldn’t wrap his head around wanting a friend around while he was so injured—well, he’d wanted Karkat around, hadn’t he? He’d seemed happy to see him, aside from the, uh, yelling. Still, it didn’t make sense! Every troll knew as a small child that the only people you could trust when you were injured were your lusus, your moirail, and maybe your matesprit! Anyone else might take advantage of the weakness and kill you, that was just basic logic! But Dave didn’t even seem to be thinking about it.

And…and yet, come to think of it, Roxy’d been awfully forthright about how bad Dave’s condition was. Hell, she’d heard it from Rose, who seemed like the one most likely to know not to spread that weakness, but the humans were all sharing it and passing it around. It wasn’t just that they didn’t seem to care who knew that Dave and Dirk were injured, it was like they wanted people to know.

And as he filled up the glass of water in the kitchen, he watched as Roxy and Dirk talked on the couch, as Dirk told her that he’d passed on the news of their condition to Jane already, that Rose had told her and Dave’s friends, and it just kept going. Everyone had to be up to date on the fact that both brothers were injured and vulnerable, and yet…

“I hope the flight wasn’t too long,” Rachel was saying to Ramona.

“Nothing would be too long right now,” she said in turn, blowing gently on a cup of tea that Rachel had just poured her. “Times like these, we all need to do our part. I know I might not be able to do much, mind you. My leg’s been acting up something fierce, as of late, but I’ll do whatever I can.”

Something clicked. All at once, the curtains pulled back and Karkat saw the whole picture—saw maybe not what it always was, and certainly not what the Lalondes achieved on any sort of regular basis, but what it was supposed to be, how it was meant to work.

On Alternia, everyone lived in constant competition. Trolls had to be strong as close to all the time as they possibly could, or at the very least find a moirail who could, because otherwise their society wouldn’t particularly care much if they died. That just meant they didn’t deserve to be a part of the gene pool or to contribute to society. If they were injured badly and left vulnerable, it was seen as normal for others to take advantage of that weakness and exert power or outright kill a rival. It was how they survived so long, or so the cultural narrative had so long stated: by this competition, the strongest survive. Nevermind that this survival was built on the corpses of uncountable trolls who didn’t make the cut, it Worked.

As a result, trolls had been bewildered just as Karkat had by how humans as a species managed to be so frail and yet so reckless and to still survive, especially when they didn’t exactly have the kind of numbers that trolls did. Humans lacked the numbers to be expendable, lacked the strength and toughness that kept Trolls alive, and yet they looked Death in the eye and pointed and laughed, and pushed themselves to extremes for no purpose other than to have some warped idea of fun. It was a question that had lingered around his consciousness for ages; how the fuck do humans even work as a species? How had such a seemingly doomed race not died off yet?

The answer that hit him now, as he watched Roxy help Dirk stand up and balance himself on a pair of crutches, was that humans didn’t have to be strong all the time, and that was the magic of their little social units, their families—they took care of each other. No one person had to be good at everything, or so good at one thing that it could keep them safe in any situation. It didn’t matter that their skin was thin or that they weren’t particularly strong or fast, they always, always had others around who would pick up the slack, others who would come even across oceans to offer what aid they could in times of strife; they weaved together all their strengths and weaknesses into a fabric able to withstand just about anything. Fuck, no wonder they’d wanted Dave back so badly. The Lalondes may have been less a tapestry and more a patchwork quilt, but it was still their quilt, and Dave was a part of it….

He felt a near-agonizing pang of envy that he didn’t have a quilt of his own. Humans might have been stupid about a lot of things, but this…this they’d gotten right.

“Fucking water? Is that really the best you could think of? Fucking dumbass,” Dave muttered to himself. God. This was stupid. This was all really fucking stupid. He couldn’t even deal with being alone while he was asleep, for Chrissakes! Too scared of nightmares of a big mean dog, like some fuckin’ little kid.

Yeah, he was tired, but he really, really didn’t wanna be alone right now, was the thing. Not with that fucking troll-drug-induced nightmare lingering around the edges, waiting to chase him down again at its first chance. But. Like. Karkat was kind of right? Bros don’t watch each other sleep, that’s fuckin’ creepy. Like. Okay, so maybe they’d done a bit of that way back when Karkat had been kidnapped, but they didn’t have a choice back then, and anyways they mostly slept at the same time during that experience, which was super different from just asking his best alien friend to fuckin’ hold his hand so the bad dreams wouldn’t get him. Fuck.

So he’d asked Karkat to refill his glass, even though he wasn’t thirsty right now, because it was an excuse to make Karkat come back, at least for a few more minutes, and they could talk for a bit, and maybe Dave’d stop being tired, wouldn’t that be rad.

Karkat came back in looking really thoughtful. He handed the glass over, and Dave took a sip to try and look like he hadn’t been 100% bullshitting there, and mumbled a thanks as he set it down. Then, just as a thought, he jerked his head toward the rest of the bed—it was a big king-sized one, probably left over from before the divorce and Mom had just never downsized or whatever, so there was a lot of space to Dave’s right—and told Karkat he could sit down if he wanted, Dave wasn’t gonna, like, pass out right this minute or anything, haha.

Karkat stayed quiet, which was fuckin’ weird, but he did sit down. He stared at the sheets for a minute, and then spoke up suddenly, saying, “I think I get it.”

“Get what?” said Dave.

“Why they wanted you back so bad,” said Karkat. “I mean, way back when you were first arrested. I kind of fought with Dirk over it at one point, because my only experience with the word Dirk used for why you should be with him was fucking Strider. And also I think I get why this shit all works, for humans in general. I mean, I’m probably just saying obvious shit, but it’s not how trolls work, we don’t take care of each other, not like this.”

Dave tipped his head.

“I mean with the whole fucking family thing,” Karkat said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been trying to get it this whole time, but this shit’s used to justify so much bullshit with you humans, and I think I get it now, and why it’s so fucking important to you as a species.”

Dave snorted. “Dude, it’s not that big a thing—”

“It is, though! It just seems normal to humans because it’s how you always work, but, Dave, I’m serious, back on Alternia it’s every troll for themself. Maybe you have one person who has your back if you’ve got a moirail, maybe some are lucky like me and have friends who are actually consistently on your side and won’t take the first chance they get to kill you or fuck you up some other way, but we definitely don’t have a whole cluster of others we can just fall back on any time we’re met with something we can’t handle alone.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Dave started, but Karkat just kept going. Apparently he’d had some sort of fuckin’ epiphany in the past two minutes.

“It took me so fucking long to get this, but I get it now! You know what I don’t get, though, is why the fuck you ever tried to convince me that Strider is part of your fucking family.”

Something in Dave dropped like a stone.

He’d…had a similar thought, really. Repeatedly. Multiple times, over the past week or so. He’d been kind of trying to avoid it, because every time it popped up, he got really stressed out.

“And don’t give me any of the bullshit about being ‘related’ or what the fuck ever, I don’t wanna hear it,” Karkat kept right on going. “I still don’t get why you humans care so much about that. The whole point of this family thing is that you all take care of each other, not that you’re related or whatever! Your aunt’s here, did you know that? She flew across an entire fucking ocean just to make sure she could help out you and Dirk! What the fuck did Strider ever do for you?”

It was a good question. And the answer, of course, was: aside from trying to kill him, do you mean? Hahaha.

Karkat was still talking, but Dave wasn’t really hearing him. Fuck, this had been a mistake, he should’ve taken his chances with the fucking nightmare dog. That was better than this old song and dance with his own thoughts.

The facts were pretty simple. He’d operated under pretty clear logic when he went up against Bro: We’re family, so he loves me, so therefore if I ask him to let me leave and explain that I really can’t deal with this, he’ll let me go. Except, Bro had tried to kill him, which meant that…

That was as far as Dave ever got. He couldn’t think any farther than that.

He felt like…like the next thought should be obvious, but he couldn’t make himself think it. It was too big—not so much a square peg in a round hole as it was trying to cram a grain silo into a pinhole, and the thought threatened to overwhelm and destroy him, so instead of thinking it, his brain kept rejecting it, the effect being like a broken record skip-skip-skipping, over and over, repeating the last thought he could get to before the Big One, because he couldn’t not think the Big One, either…

It was so fucking stupid, it was just a thought, why couldn’t he…

“Hah, yeah, now that you mention it, I guess I was always kinda wrong about this shit, wasn’t I?” Dave said, unable to stop the sardonic laughter bubbling up in his throat. “I mean, fuck, no wonder it took you so long to get, I probably gave you the wrong idea. My dumb ass was convinced he’d never try to kill me, cuz we’re family, and, well, here we fuckin’ are!”

Skip, skip, skip—

Karkat was still talking in stuttered phrases in the gaps of Dave’s own flood of words, looking almost scared, but Dave didn’t comprehned any of them, and anyway, the ranting had started, there was no stopping this shit now. “Like, what the fuck was I even thinking, right? I really thought that was gonna work, that somehow he’d just let me go if I asked, like a fucking idiot! Haha, what a fuckin’ dipshit, right?! And here I was thinking he—” Frantic laughter bubbled up, overtaking the words, not that more would’ve come, that next thought was just too big. Was he crying? Fuck, Karkat didn’t need to see any of this shit, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t think

Skip, skip, skip, skip, skipskipskipskipskipskip—

It wasn’t Karkat’s fault. It really wasn’t. He might’ve set it off, but the storm had been building up for days, now, and it broke hard, sweeping Dave up in a torrent of just wordless mental screaming. He couldn’t think the next thought. He couldn’t. But the thing was damming him up, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore, and he was stuck in the middle and left to just completely melt down and dissipate into the flood.

A sound like a cicada crossed with the creakiest horror movie door ever to creak ripped through the tides, and suddenly Dave found himself tugged into a full body hug, wrapped up in four limbs with his face pressed into a thick sweater. The touch dragged him out of the flood and onto dry land, brought him back into now before he even knew what was happening. Karkat’s whole chest was vibrating with some intense cricket-cat hybrid purr, and this should’ve been so embarrassing but he was so tired and so lost and it was fucking comforting, so who the fuck cared. Who cared anymore. It was all bullshit. He could be embarrassed later.

Too soon, Karkat seemed to have the same thought, and tried to pull away. “Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t—fuck, I’m so sorry, this is really presumptive and I know you aren’t even into boys,” he babbled.

Dave groaned, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s chest and pulling him close. “Dude, if you try to make this about alien romance right now, I swear to fuck,” he gasped out between harsh sobs. Christ, he was going harder than Karkat did like twenty minutes earlier, what the fuck.

Karkat paused. Good. It meant his warm arms were still there. “Dave, I…I mean, this is troll romance, this is textbook moiraillegience, and I shouldn’t just be throwing myself at you because you had a moment of weakness, no matter how bad I, uh.”

Dave sniffled, wracked his brain for a moment…Karkat had explained this stuff about a million times, which one was…”That’s like…the bros quadrant, right?”

“The what.”

“The one that’s, like, platonic and shit.”

“…Yeah?” The cricket-purr started up again, cautiously.

“We fuckin’ kinda do most of that shit already, don’t we?” Like. Yeah. He wasn’t gay. That was still a thing. But Karkat was warm and solid and real and Dave was fucking exhausted and didn’t want to be alone, especially not when he felt right now like he was wrapped in safety. “Please, Karkat,” he added, because why not beg. He was already at maximum pathetic, there was no digging this hole lower, fuck it. “I really don’t wanna be alone right now, just, please don’t go.”

Karkat was quiet for a long moment, but finally, the cricket-purr went back to full volume and Karkat’s arms tightened around him.

“Okay,” Karkat said quietly. Dave let out a breath he’d barely known he’d been holding and went back to crying.

“We’re going to have to talk about this later,” Karkat murmured, which put him at about normal volume for anyone else.

“Later, then,” said Dave, and let himself finally fall the fuck asleep.

#dave strider #karkat vantas #davekat #roxy lalonde #longpost//#u BET UR BUTT THIS OENS GOIN IN THE DAVEKAT TAG #ITS ABOUT TIME #fanfic #fanfiction #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #katt does a writing #jkdfsgfjhsfjshf not the best start to a relationship but like its something #lord this got long.#why tf did i think 32 and 33 would ever fit into one chapter.

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comicteaparty · 7 years ago

Text

September 7th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 7th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Shades of Men by Jrej.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Shades of Men by Jrej~! (https://tapas.io/series/ShadesOfMen-Pages) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~! With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

for me i think my favorite scene is more a series of scenes where they first meet david and try to teach him the ropes of being on the streets. especially when they hit the moment where they cant get shelter for the night so actually have to sleep on the streets. the contrast really impacted me quite a lot

i also liked how it showed some of the warmer side to lev and ricky since they took it in a rather positive stride. i know if i had been in david's shoes, i wouldve been really hit with a brick of reality in that moment

mathtans

Bit late, as per typical for me. Favorite scene... possibly where Lev sees that fax? It throws everything into a bit of a new light, which I usually find interesting, new perspectives and all.

Though I gather the author hadn't expected it to be that big of a deal from glancing at the comments.

RebelVampire

really? i didnt look at the comments and now im curious

mathtans

Yeah, the ropes thing was well portrayed too. I think the way the artwork is done kind of helps with showing the difficulties, somehow... gritty? Words fail me.

Now I'm double checking... oh, the author said they hadn't thought it would be a key moment of the story when starting, but it is.

I only read on tapas this time, not the author's personal site.

I know Tenor read too, I saw a comment near the end. ^.^

RebelVampire

thats okay i read it on tapas too. i just read via the link i was given unless theres situations like with tangled river where there was that page that didnt load.

idk if id say the artwork was gritty personally speaking cause of seen grittier. but i do think the artwork fits really well and has a dark and bleak quality to it

mathtans

Fair enough. I found myself with less free time this week too. ^.^ Made it to the end though.

RebelVampire

to express the bleak quality of life

mathtans

Yeah, gritty's the wrong word... eugh... like... sombre? Maybe it's the colour choices.

RebelVampire

sombre might be a good way to put it

i do think its the color choices cause something about the pallette makes the world feel....kind of mute

mathtans

Mute's a real good word, considering Lev. ^^

The other thing about that reward for David thing, it actually misdirected me a bit. I thought they guys would be trying to track him down, to get the reward money for him to save Ricky. Instead they did the hotel heist.

Lev's got character, gotta give him that, he hasn't said anything about it yet.

RebelVampire

oh that wouldve been an interesting prospect. i honestly did not consider that. i was waiting for something a bit more cliche. like david showing back up of his own freewill like "im sorry lev i was mad lets save ricky dramatic tears "

mathtans

I was wondering a little about that, but considering what the guy had just experienced, I felt like they'd have to stumble on David. Rather than him seeking them out. And possibly getting a gun in his face again.

I would not like that, but then, I'm really not a fan of guns.

Which makes me kind of torn about the comic, because on the one hand, guns are not tools to solve problems, but on the other hand, the homeless guys are kind of responsible in using them and I liked the acknowledgement about conserving ammo.(edited)

RebelVampire

yeah honestly i kind of appreciated david left and didnt comeback. cause i felt that was a bit more true to life. since its not like ricky and lev are bffs with him just for showing him the ropes. theyre more like helpful strangers. and if you meet strangers who get you beat up, probably best not to hang with those people

mathtans

The other kind of true to life thing was how not everybody was immediately on board with Lev and his plans. Some thought things were going too far -- and even before the casino some thought that. I liked that perspective.

I also suspected they'd have at least one casualty, to keep things realistic. Expectations met there.

RebelVampire

i felt really sad for the guy who died. but on the otherhand it was well-deserved in the sense the hobos were in way over their heads. like that went beyond too far XD the fact any of them survived is a miracle(edited)

mathtans

Yeah... I feel like Lev was once in the military though? Or guerrilla warfare? Like, I wonder if his apparent dementia (seeing people as lions) is related to previous experiences.

He knows things, is what I'm getting at. But he got tired of explaining things to people. Maybe.

Now I wonder how he ended up in Paris.

RebelVampire

i feel like Lev had at least used a gun before. it didnt feel like it was his first rodeo. but then again using a gun isnt rocket science persay if in an emergency situation. not to say theyd be mega skilled in those situations and would understand good gun safety. just guns are still pretty easy to use, so idk how much to assume of Lev's skills.

Tenor

I'M LATE AND ON MOBILE BUT I'M HERE???

mathtans

Yay Tenor!

RebelVampire

welcome Tenor

all are welcome

mathtans

Yeah... maybe it was also the whole "we don't leave anybody behind". I dunno. Just a vibe.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. One of the main characters of the comic, Lev, is a very mysterious person. He doesn’t speak much, and nobody seems to know his background story that well. What do you think happened in Lev’s life that made him the person he is? Why do you think Lev lives on the streets? Why would he not speak to anybody for so many years? What inspires his loyalty towards Ricky that he’d go to such extreme lengths to help him?

mathtans

You segued that beautifully

RebelVampire

Tenor

And for question 1: my favorite scene has got to be the rescue scenes, mostly as they are poorly constructed and entirely chaotic - which perfectly fits a band of misfits trying to do things they have never done. It takes away from the cliche of heroes always suceed/are lucky/seem to know what they are doing despite doing it a first time and I really liked that

mathtans

Tenor - You mean like when they saved each other from the gun runners, or when they charged in to save Ricky, or generally...?

RebelVampire

yeah i really enjoy that a lot of the rescue scenes have this vibe of like them saying "i saw someone on tv do it like this yolo"

Tenor

2: my bets is either involved, or blames himself, for the loss of someone. He does seem to show hallucinations and strikes me like he suffers from quite a bit of PTSD.

Specifically the hotel scene

Just "well" lmao

mathtans

As to Lev... darned if I know. I feel like he's got that kind of military vibe (maybe it's a PTSD thing I'm sensing, yeah), and a desire to help people who look a certain way (David) or who are good to him (Ricky). Maybe he'll spill to the person he's sitting with on the bench.

In the most recent update, I mean.

Tenor

I'm betting hell spill after he catches david, persobally

Use yourself as a living example for why shut isn't all roses

mathtans

Like, Lev was all "no problem just get me something like a weapon and I'll pull a spiderman". That comes with training, not watching cartoons.

Tenor

Right.

mathtans

Tenor: Good point. Might be a while before David comes back into it though... looking like they'll have to track him down to clear Lev's name.

RebelVampire

i always wondered if lev was in trouble for not paying those hospital bills.

mathtans

Huh. I didn't even think about that. What is the French medical care system like?

(I've actually been there, but not to a hospital, fortunately. Which reminds me, nice depiction of Paris.)

Tenor

And to address on an earlier point: guns can be harder to use correctly than you'd think. He'd have to have known how to turn off safety on all those weapons, how to put ammo in them, how to reliably aim, some of those weapons depending on make and model you need to KNOW. (Look up the wrist breaker lmao). So I'd say at least an occupation around them, yes.

mathtans

Yeah, it's not like the homeless guys can ask Siri.

Tenor

Bc strength of the knock back can duck you up, dislocated shoulders, etc

Fff

mathtans

thinks A bit of a tangent, but have we seen female characters?

Tenor

Slowly making my way to a pc

I think a few headshots

RebelVampire

but side characters. nobody major i think cause i mean, the comic is called shades of men

so i think its pretty clear what its focus is XD

mathtans

Yeah, good point about the title. Guess I was wondering about females and the military suddenly. There's that new character in the latest update though too.

Tenor

TBF men could imply humanity as well.

RebelVampire

true. that could be a double underlying meaning. like a story focusing on men but also about the condition of humanity as a whole

mathtans

Lev being in the hospital means he must be in a database now?

(Sorry I'm all over the place.)

Tenor

It's ok xD

mathtans

I think some of the humanity thing comes across with how the characters are generally treated too.

RebelVampire

see this is a thing im really curious about. how did the hospital know his name? like is he carrying a form of ID on him?(edited)

cause i dont get the sense he wound up at the hospital of his own accord

Tenor

He was also unconcious at time of 'registration'.

So yeah, he has to have been known if not carrying an ID.

mathtans

No, someone brought him in... I think we saw them in the background as Lev was sneaking out. I guess I assumed he did have some sort of ID. He grabbed his clothes while escaping.

But yeah, three months later and no one's followed up on that.

Goes a bit to the theme of homeless people being treated as "invisible".

RebelVampire

well to be fair its not like they have endless resources to find him. the police clearly cant even find him if they have to broadcast about his being a kidnapping suspect

mathtans

Except the newscasters mentioned Lev. Does he have a police record?

There is that. And he's good at hiding.

What with not making much noise.

Tenor

I figured he might have been seen in the images of David from the ...catacombs?

And there was assumption based on that, since David looked pretty beaten then.

(But they still got his name, so, yeah, maybe still a record)

mathtans

I wonder if Lev has family?? Ricky mentioned family. Maybe Lev's family died, and that's why he's so traumatized and wanted to help David.

Well, when Lev, David and Ricky were doing their singing, people had camera phones. I figured the association came from that.

RebelVampire

oh yeah thats def how he became a suspect. its a mystery how they put a name to a face tho. he could have a record. but its also not like being homeless makes you disappear out of the systems. systems will still show you exist if you know the name or number.

so hard to say

i do think lev's family must of died

thats usually something that tears one apart and puts them on the street

mathtans

Also, not sure if it's a tiny plot hole, but after making a whole deal to David about not sitting in someone else's reserved spot... they go and play somewhere that's off limits. Without kind of giving him the heads up about the running.

Maybe Lev is a version of David back from the future. (Just because we haven't had any theories that are real crazy yet.)

RebelVampire

ah then theres the answer. Lev/David from the future is devastated by the loss of the cat

as a cat lover, nothing better happen to that cat O_O

i will be so sad

mathtans

Hah. Could David's parents be dead though, I wonder?

Like, we don't know who he was actually living with. Some guy who's forgetful about keys, and a cat.

Equally possible I'm forgetting something obvious.

RebelVampire

i feel like they showed david's parents in the broadcast

mathtans

Did they say it was his parents? Or maybe he's adopted?

RebelVampire

hmmm or maybe not

mathtans

Also, why'd the change the locks on the house if they wanted him to come home??

Or was David lying about it being the right key?

RebelVampire

well if they suspected kidnapping thatd be reason to change them

cause they couldve thought someone broke into the house

Tenor

I think it was his dad in the broadcast

mathtans

I suppose that's true. But wouldn't they have an alarm system too after that? Well, maybe not.

I'll buy it; I don't remember the broadcast so well.

Shady David is shady.

Tenor

He could also be from an incredible abusive home.

mathtans

Oh, that's very true.

Tenor

So he ran away but of course to say THAT implies they did something wrong so they're saying he was kidnapped.

RebelVampire

hmmm but maybe not. i cant see anything in the broadcast. i might be thinking of a different scene.

well to be fair now that im relooking at first he was just missing

and i think they changed it to kidnapping

Tenor

Yeah the flyer was missing.

It changed to kidnapping after David 'left" Lev's life.

mathtans

Oh, that's interesting. Scandal!

Tenor

(Which was after the more recent updates)

RebelVampire

but the fact he ran away doesnt necessarily mean his parents did anything wrong. some teens are really dumb and run away for stupid reasons.

his parents were stifling his career of being a rockstar

mathtans

Most don't stick it out as long as David though, I feel. But maybe not.

David's real upset that his guitar's smashed now then.

RebelVampire

most dont but david could be in that minority that are just that stubborn. but to be fair im saying not necessarily

his parents could also be shit ppl mathtans

Yeah, not enough info to call either way yet, really.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. In the beginning Ricky, Lev, and the other hobos meet David, a young boy who finds himself homeless. David claims this is due to the fact he got kicked out of his house. However, it is later revealed through his missing posters that David most likely ran away. Why do you think David would choose living on the streets over living with his family? Do you think David will be able to learn to live on the streets or will he find himself in deep trouble down the line?

ah look how convenient

mathtans

Actually, that would be a bit of a twist, if David WAS actually kidnapped now. After trying to do it alone. Maybe someone sent a ransom note and everything. (Unsigned, so people think it was Lev.)

Tenor

One hand I want to say maybe abuse? On the other I think it probably was more likely a fight with his parents. He seemed nearing adulthood, he might have wanted to run off to a more bohemian (sp?) lifestyle they didn't approve of and he dipped.

RebelVampire

yeah i personally lean towards a fight than abuse. just that his parents wanted something for his life he didnt and he wanted to be free and all that.

i have been curious who the heck david went off with

like david baby no, did you get involved with a gang

is it a secret cat cult

and you are caring for their god

mathtans

There is a whole underground. But maybe he found honest work somehow?

(Speaking of underground, kudos to the writer for the research on Paris casinos that I noticed in passing. Due diligence for seeing that they're privately owned.)

Kristin

Hi? Is the chat still happening?

RebelVampire

yes it is~!

Kristin

sweet

Sorry I'm late

mathtans

We all have our own time zones.

RebelVampire

no problem thank you for coming

Tenor

Hi~!

And it's ok Kristin I was late too. xD

RebelVampire

@math i honestly doubt he found honest work. he does not seem to be in the state of someone who found honest work. more like someone who just finally adjusted to living on the streets

Tenor

He might have found a good support group for what he's kinda wanting to do.

RebelVampire

yes a good support group who drive suspicious white vans

mathtans

Yeah, you are probably right on that. (I'm usually more of a cynic... but I also tend to devils advocate a lot, and there's a bit of a cynical vibe so maybe I'm just going counter to that here... hoping for the best.)

Suspicious white vans filled with guns? I feel like there's still gonna be repercussions from them stealing all those things.

RebelVampire

yeah there has to be. gangs usually dont like their stuff getting stolen

let alone finding out their stuff got stolen by a bunch of hobos

but to be fair they gotta get repercussions for shooting up a casino

cause i doubt no civilians got hurt

Tenor

I didn't see the guns fff-

mathtans

The casino started shooting first though. Well, kinda... Lev was a faster draw.

Tenor

Oh wait we tlakin earlier?

mathtans

I may be all over the place again.

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

I'm finally home I hope I'm noto too late

I have to quickly say I really enjoy the dreary feel I am getting from the comic, it's very atmospheric

Tenor

Nope yer good JOIN US. :D

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Paired up with some Silent Hill music I been reading it with that music as background

Specially Silent Hill 2 music

Tenor

...

Oh. My. God.

That is brilliant I should reread with that :|

RebelVampire

you do that Tenor. i think ill sit that out. comic sad enough without making it spooky. XD

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

I'm super slow but I really like the stoic main character he looks like he has seen some shit in his life

It's not the spookiness, it's more like the atomshpere

Like not the chase scenes but defintely the town music

mathtans

Oooh, I hadn't even thought about Silent Hill, goodness. Though again, the Paris feel works for me.

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

I also like listening to some ummmm

What do they call the sounds of people in the streets?

mathtans

I used "sombre". ^.^

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Atomshpere sounds

mathtans

Background noise...?

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Like I like listening to the sound of people talking and moving in a crowded area while reading it and then it clicks me to the location

Yeah I guess

RebelVampire

on a not music note, i do give the creator credit. i really get the vibe from lev in his expressions that hes experienced some shit in life, regardless of what it is

Tenor

Oh yes, def.

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Yes I also love the location, I don't see a lot of comics in other locations

mathtans

Agreed.

Tenor

And I like the story does pretty well with a nearly-silent protagonist. That can be pretty hard to show and move stories forward with.

mathtans

Also, for that whole bit where Lev wasn't speaking, still really good at conveying it.

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

It's like how I am working very hard to make a comic based in Hong Kong because the buildings are amazing

Also yes, Lev has the face of "I seen shit, don't fuck with me" pardon my language XD

Tenor

/omg so offended. /jkjk

mathtans

Purple lions will do that to you.

Tenor

(My mobile was censoring my cussing so it's ok Lmao)

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Also I haven't read all of it, but I headcannon this is all an artistic dream or vision as a person is looking at a picture in a museum, remembering the past or something

crack theories away

mathtans

There's also some good development with secondary characters. I'm (as always) abysmal with names, but eyepatch guy, I've liked him.

RebelVampire

lol omg. really its just david sitting in a museum thinking the "what if i was homeless" scenario. then he goes home after he realizes it sucks.

Kristin

The art evolution is really interesting. Looking back at the beginning the art was a lot gritier. The new art feels softer and more optomistic somehow.

mathtans

David is staring at a picture of Lev... then he realizes, it's a mirror!

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Ohh I need to read more to see the art change :3

mathtans

I'm not always great at noticing art shifts. I don't binge so much as read bits through the week.

RebelVampire

im torn between thinking the art change was on purpose to express more optimism or if it was just something that happened cause of art improvement.

cause its definitely improved which is interesting to see for sure

mathtans

Why not both?

Tenor

I do feel it's a bit of both. You can see the growth in the artist through the pages for sure at least.

RebelVampire

but then again maybe its the calm before the storm

showing life moves on before it pours again

mathtans

I wonder if they'll have to break back into David's house to track him down.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. The comic deals with a lot of themes and issues in regards to survival, redemption, and homelessness. Was there anything that struck you as particularly poignant in regards to this? What do you think about the hobos extreme lengths to survive? Do you think any of them will manage to get off the streets or do they seemed doomed to it? Will they find redemption from their pasts?

maybe they go to david's house to explain lev didnt kidnap david. and then things escalate and suddenly lev is holding them hostage

mathtans

I could kinda see that happening. O.o

There was Lev's collapse, and waking up in the hospital. That was actually an interesting one, because on the one hand, he wasn't left to die in the street, someone helped him... but then Lev didn't even seem to have wanted the help. Like, not wanting to accept charity, even at the expense of his life.

RebelVampire

to be fair tho, i wouldve been none too pleased in his situation. greatful for being alive, sure. but mad i could potentially get situated with an enormous hospital bill

cause even if they have a better healthcare system there, when youre homeless you dont exactly have any money to give in the first place

mathtans

Yeah... I guess I'm kind of spoiled, what with having work benefits and the Ontario Health Insurance Plan, I don't think about costs. Unless I'm reading about the US.

It's nice that the homeless guys get together, and even have a system like what Lev used to recruit for Ricky. Solidarity and all. They can redeem each other, in a way.

RebelVampire

maybe. idk about redeeming cause in the same vein they could enable each other to remain in their unredeemed states through encouraging vegetative behaviors

as someone who lives in the US i think about costs all the time

mathtans

Yeah, that's a good point. Though some people didn't necessarily agree too.

I wonder in retrospect what they did with the guns? Sold them? That feels like a bad plan.

RebelVampire

maybe they just kept them. or just dumped them somewhere. i feel like some would just want to throw them away. try to forget all that happened.

mathtans

Yeah.

RebelVampire

cause selling guns just sounds like a recipe for getting into jail

mathtans

Any fave secondary characters? I like the eyepatch guy, as I said... who can apparently see, I didn't expect that little tidbit. (It's nice to have some levity in there at times.)

RebelVampire

that would be my fave secondary character too just for the surprise my eyepatch is fake thing. i really enjoyed the moment in general cause everything was otherwise so serious, so it was good to have something a smidgen light-hearted

mathtans

He helped save them at the hotel too. Nice guy.

Wish I was better with names. (Angus? That feels not quite right.)

Tenor

4: They show Lev's friend is making steps to get clean and hopefully get off the streets. Out of those two he'd def be one to get out. But it's also more complicated than that because if France's homeless situation is any like ours it's not as simple as 'work hard' to get out. Sometimes without the right guidance, resource, will to be helped, or even with all of this you just can't get out. It's a mixed bag, really. Example if this were situated in america Lev, if he was indeed military, would probably be a Vet by the sounds of it and the homeless Vets in our nation is absolutely horrific due to the sheer amount of how the system is out to screw our soldiers.

RebelVampire

yeah i dont think their redemption is solely in their hands for sure. cause even if theyre willing, society is against them from the start. granted i think them being willing is also a big factor too. cause a lot of them do feel like they gave up at this point, which 100% ensures theyll probably not get out. its a sad situation

Tenor

(Also France has a universal health care that's apparently rated one of the best in the world so maybe he won't get sattled with a bill? /yay google)

mathtans

Well, and Ricky's issues with gambling were alluded to... but it doesn't seem like that's a thing he does any more. So that maybe helps him get off the street too?

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

Hmm I don't know much about the later part of the story but I like how it seems like all the homeless people have a comunity within each other?

mathtans

Yeah, agreed on that, Feather. They honour their own fave spots and have bbqs and stuff. Nice.

RebelVampire

so with ten mins left, i want to say i didnt realize that the person who sat down with Lev in the latest update was the same person in the bg from the hospital

mathtans

Wait, really? I didn't pick up on that either.

RebelVampire

https://tapas.io/episode/231368

https://tapas.io/episode/819900

unless the clothes are an extreme coincidence XD

mathtans

I'll be darned. I wouldn't buy coincidence, no. But I imagine many people would have forgotten (if I can forget over the 3 days between when I read those, people will forget over 3 months or whatever). So... they know each other. That's all I can think.

Tenor

Considering they're really looking at Lev? Nah I think they recognize 'em.

RebelVampire

maybe theyre the person who helped him to the hospital or something somehow.

mathtans

Well, yeah, but it makes me wonder if maybe that wasn't the first time? Guardian angel in real life sort of thing?

Tenor

could be. Could be someone who knows 'em. Could be a potential major character later.

LOTS OF POTENTIALS

RebelVampire

it was david's sister all along come to ask Lev where the heck david is and why hes getting into white vans

Tenor

Hnn Can't wait to see where it go tho. :D I'm def really eager on seeing where things go with David (because if he's a runaway for being just essentially an unhappy brat I'm gunna shriek because that is a nightmare on a parent /one of my fears, my child is stubborn lmao)

LOL

TBF I did think a relative but only because the blond/light hair OTL

No real backing just a 'huh that'd be funny' xD

RebelVampire

nah that was the only reason i thought of it too

i mean chances are slim but not impossible

mathtans

Maybe she's the reason Lev stopped talking years ago.

He said something he regretted to her and decided not to speak again.

RebelVampire

if davids a runaway for being a brat im just gonna shake my head sadly. cause in a few years hes gonna realize he fucked up so hard.

mathtans

Maybe David reminds Lev of the mystery woman, that's why he wanted to help David.

I dunno. Good catch there though.

Spotting the similarity I mean.

RebelVampire

i only found it during the chat cause i was looking at the hospital scene

RebelVampire

and was like "wait a sec ive seen you before"

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Jrej, as well, for volunteering Shades of Men for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Jrej’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at [email protected].

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Nine Twilights by Andrea Rosales, Anne Mortensen-Agnew, and Chris Hansbrough. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (September 14th) from 5PM to 7PM PDT~! Until then~! Comic: http://www.ninetwilights.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic tea party #comicteaparty #ctp #comic discussion #comic chat #bookclub #comic bookclub #start faire #shades of men #jrej

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blatherkatt · 8 years ago

Text

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Prologue 2: Regarding Dave Strider

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Death mention, Heavily implied abuse, mentions of terrorist activity (courtesy of Bro Strider), Dave’s mental gymnastics hard at work; So Many Pesterlogs, Illustrated

FIRST | NEXT

4/13/2009

(Excerpt from a front page newspaper article)

ALTERNIAN EMBASSY UNDER ATTACK

The Alternian embassy in Austin, Texas suffered a bomb strike yesterday. Several casualties have been recorded. […] Several suspects were seen on video, but as of yet none have been arrested. The primary suspect is a man named Derek Strider. Strider was honored as a hero for his actions during the wars between Alternia and Earth. Strider is currently 33 years old, 6’5��, blonde, pale-skinned, frequently seen wearing an orange baseball cap and triangular sunglasses. Police ask anyone with any information on his whereabouts to please call…

08/05/2011

(Post made to a comedy blog maintained anonymously by one Dirk L.)

The Big Bi-Annual Serious Post(tm).

Alright, guys. Sorry to be doing this again, but it’s the anniversary, and I’m fucking desperate. To everyone who’s new enough to this blog to have never witnessed my twice-yearly floundering tribute to futility, buckle the fuck up because we’re in for a wild ride.

Yeah, I know, “you were so cute as a child,” et cetera et cetera. Do me a favor and save the patronizing comments on this particular baby photo and instead turn your attention to the little boy on the left. His name is Dave. When this photo was taken, he was six years old; he’s currently a few months shy of thirteen. Assuming he’s still alive, anyway.

I haven’t seen him in six years. Six years ago today, our father came in the dead of night and kidnapped him.

It’s pretty clear at this point that the police have given up on finding him. I haven’t. I’d have to be a pretty shitty older brother to do that, but unfortunately, there’s not much I can do on my own.

All I’m asking is that if you have any word on him, if you know him, if you’ve seen him, if you ran into him in a fucking supermarket, anything at all, please, please tell me. It’s a long shot, I know, but, shit, maybe this weird fucking blog I run can do some good, right?

Let’s skip the usual fucking around, though. Like I said, it’s been six years. I assure you, none of you are the first one to think of the hilarious joke of leading me on and relentlessly fucking with me. It’s not funny, and I’m not in the mood.

Thanks.

(Chatlog from Pesterchum)

— ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

EB: hey, you’re the guy who runs that weird blog, right?

TT: I run a number of weird blogs. You’ll have to be more specific.

TT: I don’t post my handle on any of them anymore, though, so I’m a bit confused as to how you got it.

EB: got it from my sister! shes been following you for a little while and said you added her recently

EB: she’s gutsygumshoe!

EB: id message you through the actual blog but i mean i dont have a tumblr haha

TT: Ah, okay.

TT: GG’s pretty cool. Knowing she gave you my handle is at least reassuring in the sense that I don’t have to worry so much about who’s getting my contact info.

TT: Why so keen to talk to me, though? It doesn’t sound like you’ve much interest in the contents of the actual blog.

EB: nah its not a sense of humor i feel like i really get

EB: but thats not the point here its actually really important!

EB: see my sis was talking about that post you made today at dinner

EB: she felt really bad for you i guess but she showed it to me and i think i might know dave!

TT: Ah. We’re doing this, okay.

EB: ???

TT: I hope you’ll excuse me not leaping for joy.

TT: There’s been a lot of false alarms over the years. It’s hard to hope.

EB: i mean that might be for the best

EB: im really not sure myself but a lot of weird stuff matches up

EB: the kid in the picture does look a lot like the dave i know and the number of siblings matches up!

TT: Never said that the little girl was my sister.

EB: oh, isn’t she?

EB: that puts a bit of a damper on things if not, because the sister was something he was a lot more sure of.

TT: Um. What?

EB: i should start from the beginning here shouldnt i haha

EB: sorry im a little nervous! and dave isnt online right now because of course he isnt so i cant double check this stuff with him yet ugh

EB: hes like one of my best friends even though weve only met online

EB: the age matches up too! hes twelve right now and turns 13 in a few months

TT: Hm. A bit coincidental, sure, but Dave isn’t exactly a rare name.

EB: he looks a lot like your dave too though!

EB: here look at this

— ectoBiologist sent a file: socool.jpg —

TT: That is the shittiest photo I’ve ever seen.

EB: ugh yeah sorry

EB: he takes them bad on purpose, hes got a really weird sense of humor

EB: thats honestly the best one i have of him right now :(

TT: I can sort of see what you mean by there being a bit of a resemblance, though.

TT: If I squint and tilt my head really hard, I mean.

EB: yeah ok but i mean im still not at the really important part!

EB: see ive known for a while that he lives with his bro

EB: but like a couple weeks ago he told me something really weird!

TT: We’re pretty sure Dave was kidnapped by our father.

TT: I think I’d know if I was living with him.

EB: thats the thing though! his bro isnt actually his brother

EB: hes daves dad

EB: dave isnt sure why the guy makes him call him bro

EB: he told me though that he feels like he does actually have an older brother

EB: cant remember the older brothers name very well, he thinks it starts with a d?

EB: and he remembers having a sister too, and he was like.

EB: absolutely positive her name was rose

EB: wasn’t sure on her age though, he thought she must’ve been pretty close to his age

EB: but i mean if that girl in that photo isn’t your sister then that kinda throws all this right down the drain

TT: She is.

EB: what?

TT: She is my sister. I was…sorry, it was a reflex. I’m so used to people fucking with me over this, I said that to try and throw you off, but

TT: Fuck, my hands are shaking. I hope you’re serious here.

EB: is all that stuff right then??

TT: Her name’s Rose, and she is our sister, and my name does start with a D.

TT: Is there anything else about him that you can tell me that might help identify him?

EB: um

EB: oh! his birthday’s december 3rd!

TT: I

TT: Jesus Christ

EB: :D

EB: ah fuck there he is hold on

EB: asshole finally got online

EB: im gonna show him that post

TT: I

TT: Yeah, you should

TT: Do that.

TT: I’m

TT: Fuck.

EB: oh my god he is rambling up a storm

EB: ive never seen him this excited gosh

EB: do you wanna talk to him? i can give you his handle

TT: Jesus fucking Christ of course I want to talk to him.

TT: Please.

TT: Fuck.

EB: turntechgodhead!

EB: i gave him yours too

EB: you still there dude?

EB: oh i guess you’re probably talking to him now huh haha

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:23 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Dave?

TG: holy shit

TG: holy shit holy shit i thought i fucking dreamed it all holy shit

TG: im trying to sort all this shit but its all so fucking vague

TG: rose is real though right

TT: She is. You and she are twins.

TG: holy fuck

TG: holy shit im a twin holy fuck

TG: and you too holy shit

TG: i cant fucking remember your name though i dont know whats going on with that

TG: like my brain just decided to pick random details to remember about you all

TG: roses name? sure

TG: the fact that were fucking twins? nope

TG: older brother exists? yeah sure that can stay

TG: his name? hell no

TG: was it dick please tell me its not dick i will throw myself out the fucking window

TT: Dirk, actually.

TG: FUCK

TG: thank fuck im not crazy you guys actually exist jfc

TT: Are you okay?

TG: im the okayest motherfucker this side of the milky way

TG: the fucking siblings i thought i dreamed up actually exists and im talking to one of them

TG: im like if okay took a physical form and that form was the coolest dude who ever fuckin existed

TG: okaying all the fuck over the place

TG: why are you asking thats a weird thing to ask

TT: No, I mean.

TT: Are you…safe, I guess?

TG: uh yeah i guess

TG: this particular motel room doesnt strike me as the cleanest but i mean at least theres no bedbugs this time

TT: You’re in a motel?

TG: yeah weve been moving around a lot lately

TT: I’d imagine so.

TT: According to the news, the old man’s been pretty busy lately.

TG: yyyyyeah

TG: i dont know whats up with that

TG: i mean i know the trolls fuckin invaded us or whatever but i was like a year old when that shit ended

TG: i dunno why he hates them so much

TG: im sure hes got his reasons maybe its all for the best but i kinda want nothing to do with that shit

TT: So you’re not involved in that stuff?

TG: i kinda get the feeling hes building up to dragging me into it but not yet no

TT: Where are you?

TG: didnt get the name of the town but i assume were still in texas

TG: thats where weve been as long as i can remember

TG: excluding the shit i remember from being with you guys

TG: like i guess that might be in texas but the memories dont feel like texas

TG: its a little too you know

TG: not the suns blistering steaming asshole

TG: i mean jesus its fuckin hot here all the time and i swear i have memories of not being miserable from the sun trying to roast us all alive

TT: We’re in upstate New York, actually.

TG: holy shit really

TT: Yeah.

TT: You got really mad once when you found out that there is no literal big apple.

TG: the fuck do you mean once im still pissed

TG: god damn big apple youd expect a place like that to specialize in fuckin aj but no its just a stupid nickname

TG: city of fuckin lies is what it is

TT: Jesus Christ.

TG: sorry except im not

TG: i take my aj fuckin seriously

TT: No, I just

TT: It’s really you, Christ.

TT: This is happening. I’m talking to my baby brother for the first time in six years, and he’s still dorkishly addicted to apple juice.

TG: fuck you aj is the nectar of the gods

TG: shit i gotta go bros back

TT: What? Why?

TG: ill be in touch when i can

TG: bro doesnt want me talking to people online anymore and im not particularly thrilled at the prospect of a strife tonight

TG: see you around

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:47 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Wait, Dave!

TT: Shit.

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Thank you.

EB: :B

— timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:16 PM 08/05/2011 —

08/06/2011

— tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:25 AM 08/06/2011 —

TT: Dave, it’s Rose.

— turntechGodhead is offline! —

TT: Thank you, Pesterchum, for confirming the obvious.

TT: I just wanted to make sure you had my contact information as well.

TT: Dirk said he spoke to you yesterday, and I will confess that I am almost afraid to believe him.

TT: It almost hurts to hope, as cliche as that is to say.

TT: But if it’s true, and this really is you, I look forward to at least being able to talk to you again.

— tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:30 AM 08/06/2011 —

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:14 PM 08/06/2011 —

TG: rose holy shit

TG: ok first off lets talk about that fucking username

TG: what the fuck rose

TG: what the actual fuck

TT: Well, there goes any doubt as to your identity I might have had.

TG: the fucks that supposed to mean

TT: I suppose it means that I’ve missed you.

TT: This feels so surreal. Six years with you gone, and here we are, talking.

TT: And you’re the same as ever, somehow.

TG: excuse me im not the one going on the internet as some octopus in a shrink suit

TG: tentacletherapist what the actual fuck

TT: What kind of name is turntechGodhead, then?

TG: a fuckin awesome one is what

TT: Truly, it demonstrates both your nobility and your humility.

TG: you bet your ass it does

TG: the humblest fuckin guy to ever shock the fuckin world with his sick beats

TG: ill rap you under the table and be super not braggy about it

TG: sounds like a fuckin paradox but im just fuckin cool enough to pull it off

TG: be makin people drop like flies with my dope rhymes

TG: everyone be trippin over this sick beat

TG: some guy at the clubs monocle just popped out and socked him in the face

TG: like hey loser why arent you that fuckin awesome and modest

TT: I’m sorry, there’s a man in a suit and a monocle at this hypothetical club?

TG: well it wasnt a club to start with

TG: just some fancy dudes all bein posh and shit

TG: but i walked in and its a fuckin party now

TG: i didnt even have to start rappin i just set foot in the place and it all lights the fuck up

TG: glowsticks are popping into existence to get the rave going and half the posh dudes immediately start fuckin grinding

TG: and im like yo i only wanted to grab one of your weird sandwiches and leave but yall gotta be like this

TG: cant a guy just go somewhere without the party starting on me

TT: How dreadful it must be, to be such a majestic being!

TG: its a curse i must bear

TG: heavy is the crown

TT: I’m sorry to change the subject to something very strange, but I have an odd favor to ask.

TG: yeah shoot

TT: Your friend, John, provided one of your “ironic selfies” to Dirk to try and confirm your identity to him.

TT: Would it be possible to get one with the irony turned down a few notches?

TT: And possibly minus the shades?

TG: woah what why

TT: It’s…

TT: Our mother misses you too, Dave. She’s been devastated ever since we lost you.

TG: oh

TT: I think it would do her some good to at least know what you look like, now.

TT: The only existing pictures of you we have are so old.

TG: yeah

TG: yeah i can do that hold up

— turntechGodhead sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

TT: Thank you.

TT: Here’s a recent picture of myself and Dirk, by the by.

TT: Fair trade.

— tentacleTherapist sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

TG: well shit

TG: dirks hair somehow got even more bullshit anime

TG: i thought i was definitely fucking imagining that part but nope

TT: It is pretty bullshit.

TT: He goes through a lot of hair gel.

TG: hahahaha

TG: rose

TG: rose hey rose

TT: I’m still here, Dave. What is it?

TG: rose were twins

TT: We are, yes.

TG: im still fucking losing it over that okay

TG: bro never fuckin talks about you guys and he got mad at me for asking too much years back so i stopped

TG: but i swear ive always had this feeling like i definitely wasnt an only child and i remembered you strongest

TG: dont tell dirk that but i did

TG: its like

TG: i was so sure i musta dreamed you guys up but youre real and i have a twin im a fuckin twin rose

TT: While I can’t completely relate, as our mother never made any secret of your existence and Dirk remembered you quite clearly, I can at least connect to the surrealism of this experience.

TT: I’m almost afraid I’m going to wake up and be left bereft.

TG: fuck i wanna keep talking but bros gonna be home any minute

TT: Do you need to sign off for the night?

TG: yeah

TG: dont wanna get in trouble

TG: i am pretty much directly disobeying him right now

TT: Any idea when you’ll be able to get online next?

TG: no

TG: ill talk to you whenever im on though

TT: Take care.

TG: you too

TG: miss you like hell

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:25 PM 08/06/2011 —

12/03/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:45 PM 12/03/2011 —

— TG sent TT a file: happyfuckignbIRTH.gif —

TT: The sentiment is appreciated, but you’re a day early.

TG: what

TG: but

TG: were twins

TG: its my birthday

TT: Yes, well.

TT: You managed to claw your way into the world thirteen minutes before I did.

TT: And as it just so happens, that thirteen minute period straddled the chiming of midnight.

TT: As such, your birthday is technically the day before mine.

TG: wait im the older twin

TG: holy shit i didnt see that coming

TT: I don’t see how it matters very much.

TG: now listen here you whippersnapper

TT: Hush.

TG: as much as id love to lord it up i really cant talk much

TG: im pretty much just droppin that file and running

TT: Well, before you go.

TT: I’ve no such masterpiece prepared, myself, but.

TT: I hope you’ve had a happy birthday.

TG: eh its been alright i guess

TG: enjoy your early present you lucky motherfucker i gotta go

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:47 PM 12/03/2011 —

12/15/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:29 PM 12/15/2011 —

TG: dirk

TG: dude are you there it says youre online but im pretty sure its like

TG: after midnight where you are

TT: About half an hour before, actually.

TG: thank fuck

TT: What’s up?

TG: remember how i said back when we first talked that bro wasnt making me tag along with his fuckin

TG: weird bullshit fight the trolls business

TT: Has that changed?

TG: he made me help him yesterday

TG: im still fuckin shaking i dont know what to do

TG: im sure hes got whatever reasons for doing this shit but i cant

TG: he killed some of them dirk

TG: i watched people die yesterday i dont know what to do

TG: i dont wanna fuckin hurt anyone even if they are aliens

TT: We need to get you the fuck out of there.

TT: Is there any way you can get away from him? I can look up bus schedules, or, shit, hit up the blogs and see if anyone can drive you up here.

TG: dude no

TG: im freakin out but i cant fuckin abandon him hes still family

TT: Dave, he kidnapped you. You realize that, right?

TG: what

TT: He has no legal custody over you.

TG: hes my dad though

TT: He’s a man with no legal rights to your care, who is now actively forcing you to participate in acts of incredible violence against an entire group of people.

TT: That’s fucked up, even if they did technically invade us, once.

TG: dude no its

TG: im fine i just needed to talk to someone and rose is offline

TT: She’s asleep.

TT: I’m not budging on this, though.

TT: You need to get the fuck out of there. He’s going to get you killed.

TG: i can protect my fuckin self thanks

TG: i dont wanna kill anyone but that doesnt mean i cant fight fuck you

TT: That’s not what I meant.

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:57 PM 12/15/2011 —

05/15/2012

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:13 PM 05/14/2012 —

TG: hey are you awake

GG: :o

GG: i think i should be asking you that mr night owl!

GG: isnt it like three in the morning where you are?

TG: sleep is for the weak

TG: and for weird girls with medical conditions i guess

GG: hehe

GG: what have you even been up to lately? i havent heard from you in like a week and you talk to me super late!

TG: yeah sorry bros had me busy

TG: doing

TG: stuff

TG: you know what lets not talk about that

TG: as you pointed out it is the asscrack of the morning out here

TG: if im gonna be awake anyway im not spending it talking about that bullshit

GG: has he been running you ragged again? thats awful!

TG: alright fuck well i guess we are talking about it

TG: hes not

TG: putting me at the front of things anymore thank fuck

TG: i think he just gave up on trying to make me do some of the really intense shit at least for now

TG: but hes still expecting me to do shit behind the scenes

TG: cut power

TG: sneak in and unlock doors

TG: shit like that

TG: and hes been watching me like a fuckin hawk i havent been able to get online at all until now so thats why ive been absent

GG: :(

GG: well im glad to hear from you even if it is really late!

TG: yeah

TG: ass o clock or not its nice to fuckin

TG: just talk to someone for a while

TG: dunno why bros gotta be such an asshole i mean i know hes paranoid about us getting caught but its not like the police are gonna have any fuckin idea my shitty pesterchum account is related to the stuff hes doing

TG: like fuck off dude let me talk to my friends

GG: yeah!! >:B

TG: so hey on this latest mission i saw a dude in a fursuit and thought of you

TG: theres no conventions going on right now that im aware of or anything he just decided he was gonna walk around in a fucking animal suit

TG: was the most surreal thing i saw today

TG: and i literally see aliens on a pretty regular fucking basis so thats saying a lot

GG: pfft!

GG: dave i told you i have no interest in fursuits

TG: yeah i know youre too hardcore furry to be able to settle for something like that

TG: you weirdo

GG: says the guy who collects dead things

TG: shut up my dead shit collection is certified off the wall amazing

TG: had an expert in awesome things come by and personally give me the certificate

TG: showed up and went holy shit

TG: thats a rad ass collection of dead shit

TG: heres your certificate let me grovel at your feet

TG: let me bow before its magnificence

GG: lol dave

GG: it is pretty awesome but it is weird too!

GG: the two are not mutually exclusive silly

GG: …dave?

GG: it says you’ve been typing for like twenty minutes now :o

—turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum! —

GG: dave??

GG: are you okay?

GG: did you fall asleep?

GG: thats really cute if you did but you need to be careful!

GG: your bros gonna be really mad if he catches you talking to me

GG: …….he didnt catch you did he?

GG: dave?????

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 10:25 PM 05/14/2012 —

GG: oh no

— turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! —

GG: D:

06/23/2012

—timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 3:17 PM 06/23/2012 —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EB1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: socool.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose4.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose5.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose6.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/GG1.txt —

TT: There’s everything Rose and I have been able to scrounge up between the two of us, plus gardenGnostic’s last conversation with him.

TT: She was the last person to talk to him.

TT: EB and GG are both going to see if they have any other logs saved with him. I can send them to you, or they can send them directly.

TT: They might have more than me or Rose. They’ve both known Dave since he was ten, apparently.

GC: 4LR1GHT

GC: G1V3 M3 4 B1T TO R34D THROUGH TH3S3

GC: 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO H4V3 MY COMPUT3R GUY GO 1NTO YOUR 4CCOUNTS TO V3R1FY TH4T TH3S3 4R3 L3G1T

TT: That’s fine.

TT: I mean, I can’t speak for GG or EB, but I don’t have a problem with it.

TT: Are you going to be able to get at the existing police files on him?

TT: This whole business with the old man meant that we couldn’t get the police to take any of this stuff when it was going on. They just said that there was nothing they could do.

TT: Out of their hands, they said.

TT: And apparently the people whose hands it was in didn’t particularly care about Dave’s involvement.

GC: Y34H, MOST OF TH3 TROLLS UP 4T TH3 TOP WH3N 1T COM3S TO 1NT3RSP3C13S CR1M1N4L PROC33D1NGS DONT R34LLY G3T YOUR W31RD HUM4N F4M1LY UN1TS

GC: OR HOW S3R1OUSLY YOU GUYS T4K3 PROT3CT1NG YOUR YOUNG

GC: 1 M34N 1 DONT R34LLY G3T 1T 31TH3R

GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 MUCH S3NS3 TO M3

GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 K33P 1N M1ND TH4T 1T 1S 4CTU4LLY 4 TH1NG

GC: 1 M34N G33Z

GC: SOM3ON3 H3R3 N33DS TO B3 CULTUR4LLY S3NS1T1V3

GC: 4LL JOK1NG 4SID3

GC: DONT YOU WORRY 1 W1LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO G3T 4T THOS3 F1L3S WH3TH3R TH3 H1GH3R UPS W4NT M3 TO OR NOT >:]

TT: Sounds like the legends are true, then.

GC: L3G3NDS?

TT: Word on the street is that you’re something of a bloodhound.

TT: That you don’t give up on a case you’ve taken, no matter how little you have to work with or how bad it gets.

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

TT: That’s why I brought this to you.

TT: Everyone else has given up on Dave, it seems.

TT: You’re the best hope we’ve got of finding him, at this point. Thank you for that, by the way.

GC: 1 M34N

GC: DONT G3T M3 WRONG, YOU BROUGHT M3 1NTO TH1S FOR A SP3C1F1C PURPOS3 4ND 1 1NT3ND TO S33 TH4T PURPOS3 THROUGH

GC: BUT MY PR1M4RY GO4L H3R3 IS TO G3T MY B1G BR34K

GC: TH1S 1S 4 R34LLY GOOD 4NGL3 TO H4V3 ON TH3 STR1D3R C4SE

GC: 4ND 1 4M CR4CK1NG 1T OP3N 4ND M4K1NG MY M4RK

TT: Yeah, I know.

TT: I’m not under any sort of illusions here. You’ve got your own ulterior motives for taking this case, especially considering we’re basically paying you on the combined allowances of two literal children.

TT: That doesn’t change the fact that you’re still the first person outside our family to put serious effort into finding Dave in a long time.

TT: Ulterior motives or not,

TT: That’s a really big deal to us.

TT: So, again: Thank you.

GC: >:]

GC: 4LR1GHT TH4TS 3NOUGH B31NG S4PPY

GC: 1 GOT 4 JOB TO DO

GC: 1 W1LL TRY TO K33P YOU POSTED

— gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT] —

#homestuck #dave strider #dirk strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #longpost #john egbert #terezi pyrope #fanfic #fanfiction #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #katt does a writing #im not gonna tag every chapter as davekat im gonna save that tag for when its actually relevant from here on out #ok but why have i never written dave before now its so much fun?? he just #RAMBLES

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