#there's so much more i want to say but it's 3 am and my brain's too tired to make any more coherent thoughts
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Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did
anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??
#Anyway im gonna see if i can calm down and mabye froget 5th grade again#not remembering stuff can hurt sometimes so dont try it i already fucked up learn fro. my mistakes
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THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE DOUBTING SHIFTING a.k.a REAFFIRMING YOUR MINDSET.
welcome back to HRRTSHAPE's series of: THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE DOUBTING SHIFTING. where i hold your hand and help you through helping your mindset if it was mixed by the blender that is shifttok.
in this chapter, we're talking about the why. why does shifting work? why is it possible? why can you, specifically, do it? the truth is, it comes down to mindset, belief, and the magical soup of existence that connects everything. if you want to shift, itâs not about "if"âitâs about when.
ⶠNR ONE. YOU ARE THE ARCHITECT OF YOUR MINDSET.
your mind is POWERFUL. like, you could be chilling in your room and suddenly be in a DR castle because your consciousness is the architect of everything you experience. think of your brain as a projector: whateverâs playing in your mind becomes what you see.
â  LAW OF ASSUMPTION. what you assume to be true becomes true. if you walk around KNOWING that you can shift, then shifting is inevitable. your subconscious doesnât differentiate between ârealâ and âimagined.â if you FEED it with affirmations and belief, it builds that reality for you.
affirm, affirm, affirm !! "i am the creator of my experiences. shifting is natural for me. my mind and reality align effortlessly."
â Â WHY IT WORKS. your brain loves patterns and shortcuts. when you repeat affirmations, your brain starts to accept them as facts. itâs like carving a path through a forestâthe more you affirm, the easier it is for your mind to follow that path straight to your DR
ⶠNR 2. LET'S DIVE INTO SCIENCE.
okay, let's get a little nerdy because i LOVE to sprinkle some quantum spice into this. science might not outright say, âshifting is real,â but it gives us so much evidence to vibe with.
â  MULTIVERSE THEORY. every choice, thought, and possibility exists somewhere. youâre not creating your dr; youâre just stepping into the version of reality where it already exists.
â NEUROPLASTICITY. your brain literally rewires itself to match your beliefs and experiences. when you practice visualisation, scripting, or affirmations, youâre training your brain to believe in your drâand to eventually shift there.
â THE OBSERVER EFFECT. in quantum physics, particles behave differently when theyâre being observed. translation? your focus changes reality. what you focus on grows.
ⶠNR 3. SCHRĂDINGERâS CAT: HOW A DEAD-AND-ALIVE CAT PROVES INFINITE REALITIES.
now, we're far from dummies, but let me freak down schrödingerâs cat down like weâre having a latte and chatting about quantum mechanics? itâs a wild concept, but soooo perfect for understanding the possibility behind shifting. letâs go:
alright, picture this: thereâs a cat in a box. itâs not just chilling in there, thoughâitâs part of a very weird science experiment. inside the box, thereâs:
a cat (obviously), a vial of poison, a radioactive atom, and some device that might break the vial if the atom decays (science is chaotic, letâs move on).
HERE'S THE DEAL.
â  the radioactive atom has a 50/50 chance of decaying within an hour. â  if it decays, the poison is released, and the cat dies. â  if it doesnât decay, the cat lives.
BUTâand this is the trippy partâyou, as the observer, donât know whatâs happening inside the box until you open it. so, until you check, the cat is in this in-between state. itâs both dead AND alive at the same time. this is called superpositionâwhen something exists in multiple states until itâs observed. Itâs not until you open the box that the reality âcollapsesâ into one outcome: the cat is either alive or dead.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR SHIFTING. now letâs take that poor cat out of the box (RIP or congrats to it) and apply this to your reality:
â  YOUR REALITY IS A QUANTUM SOUP. just like the cat, you and your consciousness exist in a state of superposition. right now, youâre in your current reality (CR), but thereâs a version of you in your desired reality (DR) too. both exist at the same time, in the same âbox.â â  OBSERVATION CREATES REALITY. in quantum mechanics, things donât take on a definite state until theyâre observed. In the same way, your dr is âwaitingâ for you to observe and claim it. when you focus your mind on your dr, you collapse the possibilities and step into that version of reality. â  YOU GET TO CHOOSE THE OUTCOME. the cat doesnât get to choose its fate, but YOU DO. youâre not just an observer; youâre the creator. by choosing to focus on your DR, you make it the ârealityâ that wins out. â  WHY THIS IS SO MOTIVATING. think about it: schrödingerâs cat teaches us that multiple outcomes exist at once. the universe doesnât âlock you inâ to one reality. shifting works because your dr isnât some faraway dreamâitâs already there, existing simultaneously with your cr. all you have to do is open the box (or, in this case, SHIFT) and see yourself in the reality you want.
HOW DO I USE THIS IN MY MINDSET?
â  VISUALISE YOUR DR AS THE CAT. instead of asking, âcan i shift?â think of your dr as already existing in superposition. itâs BOTH real and reachable, waiting for you to observe it.
â Â COLLAPSE THE REALITY YOU WANT. focus on affirmations, meditations, and practices that align with your dr. the more you believe and focus, the more you âcollapseâ the possibilities into the reality you desire.
â Â TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF. just like you donât need to âforceâ the cat to be alive or dead, you donât have to force shifting. your dr already exists. itâs inevitableâitâs just waiting for you to claim it.
ⶠNR FOUR. SO, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH DIMENSIONS?
đ„» 3D (third dimension): the "PHYSICAL REALITY." letâs start with what you already know. the 3D is the world we live in every dayâthe world of physicality, logic, and observation. itâs the âsolid stuffâ you can see, touch, and experience. things here have length, width, and height.
think:
â Â that chair youâre sitting on. â Â your phone screen. â Â the way your crush smiled at you yesterday (!!!).
the 3D is super focused on âwhatâs real,â aka what you can prove or measure. itâs all about time moving in a straight line (past â present â future) and cause-and-effect logic.
đ„» 4D (fourth dimension): the realm of "THOUGHTS & BELIEF." the 4D is where the magic happens. itâs not just physicalâitâs the dimension of consciousness, thoughts, emotions, and POSSIBILITY. time here isnât linear like in the 3D; itâs fluid. in the 4D, your focus determines your reality, not the other way around.
think of the 4D as:
â Â YOUR MENTAL PLAYGROUND. itâs where your imagination, affirmations, and beliefs exist. â Â THE CREATOR'S DIMENSION. what you think and feel here shapes what you experience in the 3D.
when youâre in the 4D, youâre no longer just a passive observer of realityâyouâre creating it. your thoughts arenât just âfloating ideasâ; theyâre the building blocks of the world you want.
đ„» 3D vs 4D: WHY IT MATTERS FOR SHIFTING.
â THE 3D IS REACTIONARY. it only shows you what youâre currently focused on. if youâre stuck in doubt, negativity, or thinking âshifting is impossible,â the 3D reflects that back to you like a mirror.
â THE 4D IS LIMITLESS. it doesnât care about the ârulesâ of the 3D. In the 4D, you can visualize, affirm, and believe in your DR, even if it hasnât shown up in the 3D yet.
â SHIFTING HAPPENS IN THE 4D. your dr isnât tied to physical limitationsâit exists as a POSSIBILITY in the 4D. when you focus your thoughts and emotions on it, you bring that version of reality closer to your 3D experience.
đ„» HOW TO USE THE 4D TO SHIFT.
â STOP REACTING TO THE 3D. the 3D might tell you, âyou havenât shifted yet,â (u have. a thousand times) or âthis reality is the only real one.â thatâs a LIE. donât let the 3D trick you into thinking itâs all there is.
â TIP, TIP, TIP. whenever doubt creeps in, remind yourself: âthe 3D is just a reflection of my past focus. my dr is already mine in the 4D.â
â LIVE IN THE 4D. spend time in your dr mentally. visualise it, affirm it, FEEL it. the 4D doesnât care if itâs ârealâ yet; it only cares about what you believe.
â CREATE NEW ASSUMPTIONS. the 4D operates on the law of assumption: what you assume to be true becomes true. assume your dr is inevitable, and donât waste time questioning it.
â ANYTIME YOU CATCH YOURSELF DOUBTING, flip it into an assumption: instead of âshifting is so hard,â say, âshifting is natural for me.â instead of âwhat if i fail?â say, âiâve already succeeded.â
â SEE TIME AS FLUID. in the 4D, time isnât a straight line. your dr isnât in the âfutureâ; it already exists, and youâre aligning with it.
â IGNORE THE HOW. the 3D will scream, âHOW is this possible? HOW will it happen?â Ignore it. The 4D doesnât need explanations. your job is to focus on the end resultâliving in your DR. the universe handles the how.
ⶠNR FIVE. THE IMPORTANCE OF AFFIRMATIONS.
affirmations are your bread and butter, your foundation, your ride-or-die. why? because they reprogram your subconscious to align with your dr. they're not just âwords.â theyâre instructions to the universe.
HOW TO AFFIRM EFFECTIVELY. â speak in the present tense: âi am already in my dr.ââ make it emotional. the more you feel it, the stronger your focus. add excitement, joy, or calmness. whatever your dr feels like. â keep it simple: âshifting is easy for me.â â sneak them into your day. affirm while brushing your teeth, scrolling your phone, or walking. your dr energy should feel as casual as breathing. â repeat, repeat, repeat. consistency is queen. say your affirmations in the morning, before bed, or anytime your brain tries to pull a "what if?" moment.
ⶠNR SIX. THE BOOSTER PACK OF BELIEF.
hereâs the tea: belief is EVERYTHING. you donât have to be perfect. you donât have to follow a method like itâs a rigid rulebook. you just have to believe itâs possible for you.
â WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR DR SELF. pour your heart out. about what you're doing. what you're excited to do. it makes the connection feel real.
â TRUST THE TIMING. just because it hasnât happened YET doesnât mean it wonât. think of it like baking cookiesâjust because theyâre in the oven doesnât mean theyâre not baking. your dr is already aligning with you.
ⶠNR SEVEN. THE PHILOSOPHICAL MINDSET.
now letâs take a step back and look at the big picture. why would shifting even be real? why would the universe allow it?
â WE ARE CONSCIOUSNESS EXPERIENCING ITSELF. at the end of the day, you are not your body. you are not your cr identity. you are a soul, a spark of consciousness, moving through infinite experiences. shifting is just a way to explore that freedom.
â REALITY IS REFLECTION. everything you see around you is a reflection of your inner world. if you shift your beliefs, your reality will shift too.
â YOU ARE INFINITE. the fact that you can imagine your dr means it already exists. the universe doesnât create limitations; it creates possibilities.
ⶠNR EIGHT. IT'S ALREADY YOURS.
this isnât a question of âcan i?â or âwill i?â itâs a statement: i AM shifting. your dr already exists. your soul, mind &&& consciousness already knows how to get there. the only thing standing in your way is the belief that you canât. and guess what? that belief? itâs an illusion.
think of shifting like a cosmic cheat codeâitâs not âtoo good to be trueâ; itâs your birthright. every doubt, every fear, every tiktok rant in your head about âwhat if it doesnât workââyeet them into the void. affirm, affirm, affirm.
you are meant to experience everything you dream of. whether itâs walking into hogwarts as a wizard, sipping lattes in a fame dr apartment, or going full demigod chaosâyour reality is yours to claim.
#emma motivates#shifting motivation#realityshifting#reality shifting#reality shift#shifting realities#shifting community#desired reality#shifting#shifting blog#shifting consciousness#famedr#shifting antis dni#reality shifter#shifting realities stories#reality shifting community#fame dr#shifters#shiftblr#anti shifters dni#shifttok#shiftblr community#shifting script#shifting motivation 4 u#shifting reality#shiftinconsciousness#shifting diary#motivation#mindset#law of assumption
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Not a lot, just forever â Pedri GonzĂĄlez.
Pairing: Pedri GonzĂĄlez x Fem!Reader
Summary: For Pedriâs 22nd birthday, you wanted to do something specialâdefinitely not an excuse to wear a new dress.
Word count: 700+
Disclaimer/s: flufffffff
A/N: Happy birthday to my only bf ever ^_^ I had such a shit day but Enyaâs pedri edits are keeping me alive so shoutout Enny <3
A frown grew on your face as you knocked on the closet door in Pedriâs bedroom. âBabe, can I come in yet? What is taking you so long!â You groan, letting your head drop to rest against the door.
âGive me second, I canât get this bowtie right.â He grumbles from the other side.
Youâd forced him to dress fancy, or at least nice. You had a whole night planned for the two of you, starting with a a dinner at a restaurant that was nearly impossible to get a reservation for. Youâd pulled many strings to get one on his birthday, and you were not about to be late.
Plus, you had just bought a baby blue silk dress that looked gorgeous on youâby the way. You knew Pedri would love it, considering it was his favorite colorâblue that is.
âPedro, open the damn door. I will help you.â
A few moments pass before the door opens. Pedriâs eyes immediately drop to your face, then your dress, his mouth falling open slightly. He takes a step back, hand gripping the door as he takes you in.
âCariñoâŠâ He groans, âyou look..â
A prideful grin adorns your glossy lips. âYou like?â
Pedri could scoff. Like? Shit, he was in loveâwoah. Woah. He hadnât spoken those words yet. Swallowing hard, Pedriâs head shakes with light laughter. âI love it.â He says simply, his eyes shining with affection.
âGood, I bought it just for you.â A low hum leaves your lips as you reach your hands up to his neck, taking the bowtie in your hands.
While tying it carefully, you avoid Pedriâs hard stare. His eyes flicker across your face with the faintest smile, memorizing your concentrated face. âWe should skip dinner, just stay in.â
You laugh, stopping when you look up to see his serious face. âYeahâno. It took months just to reserve this spot. We are going.â Finishing up, you let your hands drop flat onto his chest. âCome on, weâll be late if we donât leave now.â
Frowning, Pedri gives in. âFine, only because youâre going above and beyond for a birthday, of all things.â His head dips down, eager and ready for a kiss, but your finger stops him.
Feeling his lips turn into a frown, you giggle. âLip gloss.â
âDonât care.â
âWell, I do.â You quip, âit can wait, no?â
âItâs my birthday. I want a kiss.â Pedri argues exasperatedly. His hand wrapping around your wrist to pull it away.
Your jaw drops, âthis is manipulation!?â
âDonât.â He smirks, âcare.â
Rolling your eyes, you suck your teeth. âFine. One.â
Still holding your wrist, Pedri leans down to greet your lips in one, long kiss. When he pulls away, you stifle a laugh. Your boyfriendâs lips are shining, glossy, and pulled into a shit-eating grin.
âHow do I look?â He quirks an eyebrow.
You wriggle your wrist from his grasp, using your thumb to wipe the gloss off. âLike you just tried to eat my face off.â
âMaybe I am.â
Your head cocks to the side, giving him a look. âFunny. Now! Lets go!â Reaching for a stray towel, you wipe your thumb off before reaching for his hand again.
Pedri doesnât budge, his eyes trailing your face and his eyebrows pinch together. Glancing back at him with concern, your brain starts to overthink.
âHey, if you donât want to goââ
âNo, itâs not that.â He shakes his head adamantly. âItâs just..â He says your name tenderly, with so much underlying emotion you couldnât even begin to think about what it meant. âI love you.â
Every ounce of worry leaves your body, your shoulders relax and a soft smile overtakes your face. âI love you, too.â
Pedri lets out a long, shaky breath. âGood, good. We can go now, I just.. I had to tell you.â He squeezes your hand, letting you take the lead out of his bedroom.
Heâd wanted to say it in a more romantic setting, but seeing you in this dress, in this light, your quick whit, he couldnât wait. And you were very pleased with it, it was small and simple, exactly how youâd wanted it to be.
likes , comments , and reblogâs are all appreciated. lmk if youâd like to be tagged in future pedri posts.
á°.á tags @halfwayhearted @sakashq @hrts4havertz @joaoflms @spidybaby @gadriezmannsgirl @unx100to @st4rgirl-ellie
#pedri gonzalez#pedri gonzalez fluff#pedri gonzalez one shot#pedri gonzalez x reader#pedri gonzalez imagine#pedri gonzalez x you#pedri gonzalez x y/n#pedri gonzalez x fem!reader#pedri#blurb#football#fluff#fanfic#fc barcelona#fc barcelona fic
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maki i beg you to write rin and s/o that also has sibling issues.. like not the "oh my sibling also left me lolol" issues like.. they're always gonna be in their sibling's shadow no matter what they do.. and their sibling absolutely hates their guts.. please..
I THINK IâVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE
â rin itoshi x reader with sibling issues
on behalf of older siblings, i side with sae :x
â rin itoshi
rins having one of those moments where heâs rethinking everything,,, like, he starts rethinking all about the times heâs been harsh to you. lowk start feeling bad :x
heâd try to be nicer. keyword: try. if youâre doing something braindead stupid, hes still gonna call you out hahaha
heâll be more encouragingâish⊠whenever youâre half-assing something (like example studiesâŠ), he wont be as harsh as he is with like bachira and the top 3⊠heâd go like âcmon⊠you know how to solve this. âŠdo you need a hint..?â
and if on the very un-rare occasion, you do something that pisses him off, he would⊠do nothing! i know, shocking. he lobs u after all <3
this is only like⊠1/4 because he feels bad for you and how your familyâs treated you, and 3/4 because he wants to become the person he wanted sae to be.
hehe its actually pretty healing for the both of you. sometimes if the atmosphere is light and kind enough, you might even get him to smile a little bit :x <3
12:45. and you and rin were still up, studying for your math exam tomorrow.
âugh..! i cant do it, rin. i donât get it! yâknow what? ill just fail..!â you frown, head in your hands. rin sighs. he really wanted to go to sleep, but he promised you that heâd help you prepare, and he has to follow through.
âdâugh⊠dont be negative. i know youâll be able to pass.â he pats you on the head. âdo you wanna⊠review the concepts one more time, and solve one more problem before bed? i can help you study one more time in the library, okay?â he offered.
âmm⊠i need a breakkk..!â you groan. a break would mean having to stay up later⊠âi⊠fine⊠i need a break tooâŠâ rin groans. â..! what the hell does that mean..?!â you lash out at him, face pouty with a frown.
ââŠim joking. but, i am getting tiredâŠâ he says. he takes note of your guilty face. âi⊠sorry for keeping you up, rin⊠after this, you can sleepâŠâ
fuck.
that face was making him feel guilty. âi didnât mean it like that. im just saying its late, and you need to sleep early if you want your brain functioning.â he rested his hand on your shoulder. âcmon, letâs take a five-minute break and get back to this. okay?â
you nodded.
1:36. you were finally done, and much more confident than you were an hour ago. âyes, i got it!â you cheered. rinâs lips curled up at your enthusiasm. âitâs late now. get plenty of rest, okay? donât panic, and just do your best.â he says.
you look at him like a child at their new pet; full of adoration and affection. you quickly ambush him with a tight hug, causing rin to wheeze out, the air in his lungs being kicked out in an instant. âack..! ghh..! l..let me goâŠâ rin heaves.
eventually, you do let go, choosing to move to a looser hug around his neck. âthank you, rinâŠâ you smile. something in your gratitude stirs rinâs heart. as if the past was gone, and all that was left was the future.
âi..itâs no problem, okay? just go rest already, you need sleepâŠâ his words and body language conflicting; his words pushing you away, and his hands pulling you closer as his lips find the crown of your head. he reluctantly lets you go sooner or later and helps you to clean up the various papers and textbooks.
as rin puts away his belongings, you cuddle up with him. âmy favorite private tutorâŠâ you snicker. rin rolls his eyes. âprivate tutor? that implies im getting paid to do this for youâŠâ he frowns. âwhat?! my payment is my love for you..! isnât that enough..?!â you argue back.
rin tried to hide the laugh that comes from his throat, but itâs quite obvious from the smile on his face. ââŠfine, i guess so. but, a little more loving wouldnât hurt either.â
#haha not proofread i die like my cutiepie kuons career#blue lock x reader#blue lock#bllk#bllk x reader#bllk x you#bllk fluff#rin itoshi#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x you#rin itoshi x y/n
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A Good Pillow [Part 7]
Summary:Â A glimpse of your budding friendship with Ominis and your growing feelings after the events in the Scriptorium.
Pairings:Â Ominis Gaunt x Reader, Sebastian Sallow x Reader
Warnings:Â canon-typical violence, mild language, angst, comfort, fluff, friends-to-lovers, unhinged Slytherins, complicated relationships, house-neutral reader, no use of Y/N, no beta
Word Count: 1.9+ K
Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
|| General Masterlist || Hogwarts Legacy Masterlist ||
Fresh fallen snow blanketed the school grounds and it crunched beneath your feet as you made your way towards the north exit. The weekend had finally arrived and after the long week you had been having, you were glad to have some time away from the castle, even for just a few hours, to go do normal teenage things. It had grown so stifling inside those walls with all your varying responsibilities, ranging from your schoolwork to your activities with the keepers and Professor Fig, and of course, the drama with Sebastian.
You tried to keep Imeldaâs advice in mind. Be honest and keep it simple, she had said, but Merlin, why was it so difficult? You wrote out rough drafts of letters, practiced in front of mirrors, even subjected poor Deek to sit through various monologues, but it all sounded so ridiculous. Everything you thought of saying to your poor friend sounded utterly stupid. It made you want to stab your brain repeatedly with a quill. Why was it so hard to convey your honest feelings towards him? Fighting and magicking your way out of things appeared to come more naturally to you; you were beginning to think facing Ranrok might be easier than facing Sebastian. So you attempted a different approach for the time being: avoidance. You made sure that you were never alone when Sebastian was around, lest he try to corner you once more; always surrounded by friends and fellow classmates in hallways, studying in the library, or walking to class or the Great Hall. As soon as news of a Hogsmeade trip was being scheduled, you immediately jumped up at the chance for an excuse to simply get out.
And get out, you did. An afternoon of butterbeer with friends at the Three Broomsticks had been the planned activity, but your desire for reprieve was so strong it led you to decide that the best option would be to head out much earlier and pass the time near the lake.
You picked up a small rock and, with no particular target in mind, tossed it across the water. It landed with a kerplunk.
âNot sure if the giant squid would appreciate that.â A voice suddenly said from behind you.
You jumped at the sound and turned to find Ominis slowly making his way towards you, the red glow of his wand heavily contrasting against the white snow all around. You allowed a small smile to grace your features, realizing who had spoken, âOminis Gaunt, are you following me?â
He let out a chuckle, âInitially, no. I was on my way to Hogsmeade when I heard from Leander that he had seen you come this way by yourself.â You nodded at his explanation as he continued, âI thought, perhaps, it would be nice to keep you company.â He paused for a second, then continued hesitantly, âIâm not intruding on anything, am I?â
âNo, no! Of course not.â You waved your hands in protest, âHonestly, Iâm just here to waste time. Iâm not meeting the others for another couple of hours.â You gestured around you, knowing full well he couldnât really see what you were gesturing at, âI just thought it would be nice out here. You know, being cooped up in the castle all week. Freshly fallen snow...crisp fresh air...a beautiful view of the lake.â
âNot as beautiful as you, Iâm sure.â He said with a smile.
You laughed, finding it hard to believe that he was attempting to use flattery on you right now, âOminis, how could you say that? You havenât even seen me.â
âI donât need to, darling. I can feel it radiating from you whenever weâre together.â
You stopped laughing abruptly and stared at him, his words striking at your heart and making your cheeks burn, âOminis, stop it.â You bit your lip, âYouâre making me blush.â
âAm I?â He smirked as he took a few more steps towards you. He pocketed his wand and removed his gloves, then reached up with his two hands and placed them on both of your cheeks, âHm, I suppose you do feel a bit warm.â He dropped his hands down to your shoulders, âNot quite warm enough though.â
You gave him a quizzical look, but before you could question him, he had already reached around his neck to unwrap his scarf. Slowly, he transferred it onto you, wrapping it around your neck. Your heart thumped aggressively in your chest as he worked, so close to you now with his lips at the level of your eyes. He wrapped it around a second time to secure its placement.
âThere.â He lightly tugged at the ends, âIâm sure you look even more beautiful in Slytherin green.â
You fingered the scarf now on your neck, you could smell him on it and your cheeks burned even hotter, you were practically feverish, âWhat about you? Arenât you cold?â You secretly hoped heâd never ask for it back.
âItâs fine. This way, I can keep making you blush.â He brushed a cheek with his thumb, âYou can use it to hide behind.â
You bit your lip again to keep you from squealing at his actions and the words he was saying; you were sure youâd implode if you didnât keep your emotions in check. After a few moments, you were ready to make another comment, when he suddenly gave the scarf another tug, cutting off your thoughts and causing you to stumble slightly towards him, âIâm also hoping,â he began to lean forward, âthat seeing my scarf around your neck,â his lips were at your ear now, âwill deter others from trying to steal your kisses from me.â
Your mouth fell open and gasped.
He knew.
But of course he knew, you thought, mentally smacking yourself. Sebastian and Ominis could barely call each other friends at this point, but they were still in the same house together. They still shared a dormitory. They slept together, ate together...lived together. Of course he would know. And if he didnât, he would have surely found out eventually. Even if you did try to hide it.
âYou have to know, it was nothing.â You could feel the panic begin to sink in with your realization, you wanted to make sure he didnât have the wrong idea. You kept it from Ominis, yes, but not out maliciousness, âI didnât even kiss him back!â
Ominis pulled himself back and laughed, âRelax. Iâm aware.â He let go of the scarf and took your hands in his, âAdmittedly, I was a bit...peeved when I first heard of it, jealous even. But gauging from his reaction,â he brought your hands up to his lips and gave quick pecks on each, âI surmised that it didnât go quite as well as it did for me.â He gave another smirk, âWhich, I must say, gave me quite the ego boost. Not that I ever had any doubt.â He lightly squeezed your hands and brushed his thumbs over your knuckles, âI know weâve never talked about it directly, but Iâm quite confident in our feelings for each other. Am I mistaken?â
You inhaled deeply, your mind whizzing, working overtime as it processed what Ominis had just conveyed. Every nerve in your body seemed to be sending off sparks as it all began to sink in and it filled you with excitement. You shook your head, âNo, not at all.â
âGood.â
He guided your hands to his shoulders and when he was satisfied with you resting on them, he gently slid his down to your waist. Your breath hitched and you felt your heart start to race when his hold tightened and pulled you closer.
âMay I?â He asked softly, already so close that his nose grazed against yours.
Slowly, you allowed the lids of your eyes to fall as you whispered back, âYes.â
His warm lips lightly brushed against your own and you let the breath you had been holding out through your nose. This, you thought, this was a kiss you could reciprocate. The tension you had felt earlier evaporated as your arms wound tighter around his shoulders and he wrapped his around your waist, closing the gap between you.
Ominis grew bold, leaving you with more and more open mouthed kisses, ones you returned fervently. It was different from the ones he had given you previously in that corridor, he had been soft and gentle then. This one felt more...heated as it continued. Even with your eyes closed, the world around you felt as though it were spinning wildly. One of his hands had snaked up to cradle the back of your head as he deepened the kiss, holding your body tightly against his and a sound you didnât realize you could make emitted from you. You pulled back from the shock.
âSorry.â You said shakily as you panted. You didnât mean to break the kiss; you were very much enjoying it, but the moan that you had released had caught you off guard as soon as you heard it. Had Ominis truly just pulled such a lewd response out of your body? What else could this young man make you do, you wondered. The thought set a fire throughout your body.
Ominis shook his head before leaning his forehead against yours, also out of breath, âDonât be. I wonât ever ask for more than you are willing; no pressure. He continued to cradle your head affectionately, fingers entangling themselves in your hair, "My wish is for you to have a safe place with me, not to add to your burdens.â
âOh, Ominis.â You whispered, leaning against him once more and resting your head on his shoulder, âI do feel safe with you.â Your hands slid down to his chest, gripping the fabric of his cloak, âYour presence is always so comforting.â
He smiled and moved to leave a kiss on your forehead, âIâm glad to hear it.â
How long you stayed in each others embrace, you werenât sure â basking in the warmth and gentle caresses, whispering promises and sweet nothings. It took every ounce of effort to finally pull yourselves apart and make the trek back up the road to Hogsmeade where your friends would be waiting. You half-jokingly asked if you should even still go. Ominis merely ruffled your hair and took your arm, laughing as he dragged you along the path.
When the two of you arrived to the Three Broomsticks, arm in arm, the table erupted in a mixture of applause and groans, causing both of you to blush. Leander had thrown his arms up in defeat (as if he had a fighting chance, Garreth would later comment). Everett and Natty were still unnerved by Ominisâs presence, but had the decency to not make a show of it. Poppy smiled brightly. Samanthaâs jaw dropped, but said nothing. Violet was left a giggling mess. Imelda was the one that had risen from her seat and walked over to the pair of you, slow clapping as she did so.
âBravo.â She said with a smirk and a knowing glint in her eye as she reached up to play with the Slytherin scarf still hanging around your neck, âWell done.â
The act unnerved you slightly, causing you to stiffen and grip Ominisâs arm tighter, because you knew that behind it was the unasked question: Have you told Sallow yet?
The expression on your face must have given her the answer; apprehension darted across her features and you both knew exactly what the other was thinking: there would be no avoiding the issue after this. If you didnât talk to Sebastian, the gossips of the Hogwarts student body would. Either way, it was not going to look good. You simply had to choose the lesser evil.
a/n: Enjoy! ( à© Ë ÂłË)à©Â°ïœĄââĄâ§âË
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated and my askbox is always open. âĄ
taglist:ïżœïżœ@cherry-cola-100 @moonsickness-posts @superblyspeedydragon @plumzlovesfics @costellation-hunter
#hogwarts legacy#ominis gaunt x reader#ominis gaunt#reader#hogwarts legacy x reader#hogwarts legacy fanfic#đ§đ»ââïžàż àż*:ïŸfaefic
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the tanning bed partially resurrecting the creature everytime he used it so he could be more alive for lisa. her offing herself in it so she could be with the creature for eternity. the bed shaped like a coffin symbolizing the dual nature of death. i love this movie so much you don't understand.
#lisa frankenstein#there's so much more i want to say but it's 3 am and my brain's too tired to make any more coherent thoughts
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killer being like "yeah i know every single little thing about horror and dust" (because he watches them as a part time hobby (freak) (find something better to do)) and then he acts surprised when they do something that he wouldnt expect them to do in his little predetermined absolutely perfect concept of them
like what do you MEAN horror licks spoons clean when he's using them so he doesn't have to get a completely different one for the main course and the dessert. what do you MEAN dust has a lisp even though he speaks fluently and uses even more complex words than killer himself. horror knows how to sew and he often patches up their things without either of them noticing?? dust always wears oversized and clothes that cover him up just because he finds it comfy?? what??? out ra geous???? these guys have small little quirks to them that killer doesn't already know about???? killer immediately wants to know more. so he can expand his internal profile of them of course. not for any other more endearing and sweet reason. not at all,,,,,,,, (:3)
#AASHSHAHHHHH this one is so cute....... this thought. thank you brain for making this thought#it's like killer's experiencing sonder (except he's not aware of his own complexity of life because of his own derealization/personalizatio#actually i dont think this deserves to be a side blog post. this is too damn CUTE#at first the 2 were probably weirded out by killer watching them and now they probably dgaf...... killer comments less than youd expect#but now theyre used to his shit so they do all these tiny things that killer gets to pick up on and learn more about them#its so interesting...... killer can do as much reasoning as he can to try and find a logical reason for why they do these little things#but in the end if the real reason is just because they wanted to or they felt like it then how can killer comprehend that?#how can they just do that so easily and choose to do things based off a whim instead of having a calculated precise reason for personal gai#he wouldnt realize it on his own but noticing those little things coming fron horror and dust who used to be like him could help with the#everything is just a game and i am simply an avatar and the ultimate goal is the win aka be the most powerful#for dust and horror theyve already turned their consoles off. theyre out of their games theyve finished. their goal was just to beat it#(like if horrortale finally got the good ending it deserves because of aliza horror would have finished#if dust beat the player and due to extreme boredom (ITS GOTTA BE EXTREME EXTREME) decides to leave to explore the multiverse)#in killer's eyes theyve achieved their goals. but killer's still playing his game. maybe he IS the game. but eitherway he's not done#like they r. so taking into consideration how other versions of himself act when theyre finished with the game could he act like that 2??#did HE also finish his game and he never realized it? should he be basing these ideas off dust and horror when theyre kinda not the same gu#killer would find so many hoops to jump through to justify getting rid of the everything is a competitive game idea but there would be smth#IDK im just rambling. i gawt this idea from me imagining them fight. ya you wouldnt believe this sweet thing came from trio abuse :3#killer psychoanalyzing dust and horror is one of my favorite things eva. horror would HATE IT (if he were aware#and dust would totally be freaked out and keep to himself incase killer's planning anything against him#but uaaaghhh pretend this isnt canon this is triglycercule's ideal little world where they explore the mv and have fun#killer watching dust and horror sleep because he doesnt feel tired while theyre all in bed#and he's just picking up on how theyre positioned. how they breathe. the little things.......... djdjshahahaaahsushdjwbdsn ssosooooo cuuut#tricule hc#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#dare i say mtt poly. ok i dare say it. but like lowkey he'd do this whether theyre together or not...... killers just weird like that......
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Does anyone know how to beat the "stress loop?"
That situation where you have a lot of time sensitive things to do, but you're too stressed out to function and do those things, which in turn causes more stress because you're ignoring these time sensitive tasks you GOTTA do.
#simon says#someone help me my brain dont work good#i am so stressed out that I can't do much of anything bc of it but I gotta do ALL these things#i think what sucks more is its gonna take the rest of my weekend to do all these tasks so there's that added caveat of 'its my rest day'#like I GOTTA do these things I have like 5 time sensitive documents to get started on and 3 of those involve phone calls#but it's also my day off and I really dont want to spend it stressed out doing paperwork#because if I do that means I might not get enough rest and it'll make the next week of work a fucking nightmare#it's really a whole predicament#I'm probably gonna go complain to my family and friends about it and then around 11 finally have enough energy to do something about it
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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it is now officially the 25th which means...
merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33
#sophie's idle chatter#this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays....#i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true)#also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy đ ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god#(not so) mini life updates :#the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and....#my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...)#my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF#currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route đ#the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :((#oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series...#sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently.....#the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;)#my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni đ§ââïž so now im catching up on the 30 eps#on my own đ§ââïž#OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT???#i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this#i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series.......#tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them#idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG#thats abt it i think?#anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33#ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone đđ«¶#queue... ueueue
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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im going to start taking dance classes on monday and i Really dont want to (i dont know how to dance) (and im not good at it. At all)
#this honestly makes me frustrated because 1. I have bad memories related to the ballet classes i used to take#2. I hate dancing against my own will#3. I only really like dancing when its for theatre. Which is good but im going to have no choice but to be partnered up with a man#A manâŠ. A teenage boy to be more specific.. Being close with men in general makes me. Ick#(Saying this as a gay man. Idk sorry i dont want to be near a greasy boy for an hour i have high standards)#Also i have like. Stiff hips or something. Im really clumsy unfortunately. And weâre going to be doing all sorts of dances#This is a nightmare#theres a fat part of my brain going âOkay but think about the shows you could audition for and be in felix.. Dont you want to do this for#The ShowsâŠâ and a chihuahua in my brain starts running in circles and getting all giddy and then the other chunk is like GOD PLEASE NO!!!#I would be much more grateful for this opportunity if i could dance with girls⊠Because No i am NOT putting my arm or hand ANYWHERE near a#cishet dudeâŠ#rant#felix complaining too much#going to cry#its like ~18 classes one rehearsal and one performance which isnt bad but also is So Annoying#Help
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*draws something for the first time in a while. âMan I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!â
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
*doesnât draw
âOh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!â Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that theyâre âtrying to fix#their sleep schedule ~â#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with âjust one more videoâ#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I donât think Iâm depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no oneâs home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasnât about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesnât know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Peteâs sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all likeâI canât reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take placeâ#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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do you think he misses me........ ? maybe ..... maybe he's upset with me... i don't know. all i know is that he still means so much to me...
i don't know... i'm so bad at gushing about characters that mean a lot to me on here.... i just say things and go into immediate keysmashing... i also don't really follow ho/me/stu/ck anymore... like i haven't followed canon in such a long time so at this point dave's simply full with my own headcanons and interpretations of his character..... however still going by canon because i'm never normal about ANYTHING
i think he's so wonderful.... i think he deserves a lot of nice things... i'm so unsure how talk about him because i am tired.... but he is lovely. i love him. i wish i can do him justice... or write cute silly drabbles about us... but i am terrified of doing anything ever lately... i'm also too distracted and my brain feels like it's going into overdrive.... just so much happening up in there....
i'm sure dave would somehow in his own way sneakily manage to curate a mixtape for me of sounds to ease my mind because it's always constantly buzzing... he'll like just casually offer it to me and act like it's absolutely nothing but is freaking out over it. or something. actually.
i never liked it how people were like "dave freaks out all the time" "dave would do something nice and freak out" or whatever... like yeah he freaks out and in general is too hyper-aware of his surroundings, but i also don't think he'd consistently freak out on offering something because he wants the person to feel better even if he may or may not have a crush on them.... i have too many thoughts about him maybe i can make a post fully about him if i'm brave enough.
he's aloof but also a complete dork, but to me he's always the "casual down-to-earth" type of guy, mostly from his entire speech of him not wanting to be the knight of time and rather be just some guy. so maybe that's why.
talking too much about him. this is my longest post i think... of like any f/o without me feeling like i'm being too much or too annoying.
i just miss him too much. been kind of thinking about him lately. it's okay. i love him to bits. this also feels strange. but it's okay. i need to get out of my comfort zone. i hope dave knows i will love him forever. or something. i don't know. um. i just hope he knows he is my entire world. yeah. my silly crow boy i love you <3
#why do i sound so awkward.#i say as i am exhausted and want to sleep#this is a long post#sorry in advance#maybe i can sort of remake my self insert in the hs universe...#before it was me trying to keep everything similar to it#i haven't been into hs lately because of a Show that has been Plaguing my Thoughts#it still is plaguing my thoughts but maybe i can get back into hs again because i do miss it and it goes hand-in-hand with the show#well if you count the time nonsense both provide then it does#<- sorry i love time things and time travel and things like that#helps my brain work better#anyway um#i would've said more things about dave in the tags actually but then i decided not to because i already talked too much about him#okay.#he's just so special to me. i love him to bits.#if i don't talk to him for too long it feels like something is missing#wah. think not being able to ramble or just talk about my interests really did a number on me because i don't talk about myself.#Ever#yay so fun#love toxic friends <3#note my sarcasm#i'm proud of Me though#i did that i typed this. i'm so proud of me.#ashley talks#đżïž#<- this post is about him of course i'm adding his tag
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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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stranger things have happened
âą rated m, one shot, 3088 words
âą also available to read here
Wolfwood is humming something against the fabric of Vashâs shirtâhis shirt, because Vash has taken to wearing his articles of clothing as of lateâwhen Vash speaks up.
âThey like that,â he says softly, tilting his head back with a smile.
Wolfwood pauses, lips ghosting a kiss near the spot where he was singing. ââS just something I heard a long time ago.â
From the orphanage, but it goes unspoken. Vash is fairly certain itâs in Wolfwoodâs mother tongue as well, but he doesnât comment on itâbringing that up now would probably embarrass him enough to stop and Vash certainly doesnât want that.
They're in bed together at some rundown innâtraveling too much with Vash in his current state puts a bit of a strain on both of them, so itâs easier if they make frequent stops. They just need to be careful. They have to be careful.
Wolfwood would never forgive himself if something happened toâ
Itâs almost unnerving to feel the faintest movement touch the skin of his cheek, stopping his train of thought immediately. Itâs such a brief feeling and he almost questions if it actually happened, but Vash beats him to it.
âNick, did youâ?â
âYeah,â Wolfwood glances up at him, unable to hide the awe in his voice. âHe moved.â
 .
 150 years. A century and a half, and Vash did not know about this.Â
To be fair, there is a lot about himself that he isnât aware of, either purposely brushing it off as a one-off occurrence or simply refusing to acknowledge it.Â
Plant anatomy wasnât something he was keen to learn about. He understood his basic, primal needs and that was that.Â
Humans, on the other handâŠ
Cross-species breeding simply never came to mind. And even if it did, Vash was far too busy enjoying the feeling of Wolfwood on top of him, holding him close, whispering things he longed to hearâknowing that each spoken word was trueâhe loves you, all of you, every single piece of your being, every scar and blemish branded from God himself.
(He loves you.)
 .
 âOi, blondieâyou want to tell me why you dragged me out here again?â
The dim lighting in the old saloon feels suitable at this moment, one of the lights flickering idly. Itâs noisy, overcrowded and Vash almost reconsiders his priorities.Â
âHow âbout a drink first?â
Itâs not something Wolfwood refuses, but he eyes the glass of water that is placed on their shared table. Itâs murky in color, with a few specks of dirt swirling around, but itâs better than what they have seen in the previous towns.Â
Wolfwood grabs his own glass, filled with a smooth amber tinge. âSo,â he takes a swig and licks his lips. âWhatâs wrong?â
Vash wants to laugh. Leave it to Wolfwood to get straight to the point.Â
âNothing! Well, mostly nothing,â Vash gives him a smile that doesnât quite reach his eyes. âYou know how it is.â
Except Wolfwood doesnât know, with the way Vash keeps skirting around the topic at hand.Â
The alcohol in his system is beginning to warm him up, and if he didnât know any better, heâd think Vash is about to say something unimaginable. It worries him.
Thereâs a ruckus outside the saloon that quickly enters through the double swing doors, men shouting unintelligible thingsâwords like âbountyâ and âwhere is he?â are all that Wolfwood needs to hear before he downs the rest of his drink and roughly grabs Vash by the arm.Â
âHey, waitâI didnât get to finish my drink!â Vash whines dramatically as he stumbles to his feet. One of the men arguing with another patron glances over towards them and Wolfwood curses.
âDamn it! Will you shut it?â He swivels around and pulls Vash into a corner of the saloon, trying to obscure the view of the humanoid typhoon from any onlookers. Miraculously, it works.
The commotion dies down after the barkeep threatens to drain the tap and close up for the evening. Those who initially caused the uproar either slip back out into the night or decide itâs time for a drink.
Vash really wishes he could have one right now, too. The water on the table may not taste great, but his throat has never felt so dry.
His arms find their way around Wolfwoodâs waist, and he holds him there for a moment, in the corner of that saloon. The lights flicker again.
âI need to talk to you.â
 .
 âGuess he likes my voice,â Wolfwood smooths a hand against the swell of Vashâs belly.Â
âHe?â Vash canât hide the curiosity in his voice at the word, raising an eyebrow. âWhat makes you so sure?âÂ
âSpikey, there is absolutely no way in hell youâre giving me a daughter,â Wolfwood states it so seriously that Vash starts to laugh. âI mean it. My heart wonât be able to take it.âÂ
 .
 When he finally manages to tell Wolfwood what has been ailing him, he isnât entirely sure what to expect, reaction wise.
Yelling or swearing? An average response, perhaps the best possible outcome, especially when it comes to the man Vash has known for so many years now. Calling him names falls under this category as well.
What he didnât expect was the silence, or Wolfwoodâs cigarette falling out of his mouth a second later.Â
âYouâreââ
Vash nods, unable to say anything else. Itâs hard to meet those dark eyes that are glued to his body.
âAnd itâsâŠâ Wolfwood trails off, motioning to himself.
Another nod.Â
Thereâs a long pause before everything goes back to normalâwhatever that actually is, Vash isnât certain, but it feels like he can breathe again once Wolfwood regains his senses and finally says more than a few words.
âI thought you said we didnât need to use condoms!â Wolfwood exclaims. âI asked you three times!â
Three separate times, in fact. Vash groans and runs a hand through his hair. âI mean, we donât need toâweâve never hadâI didnât think this was possible,â he settles on saying, because itâs true.Â
This was purely impossible, and yet somehow, after 150 years, his body finally decided it was time.Â
âWith how often we fuck, Iâm surprised this didnât happen sooner,â Wolfwood mutters.Â
Heâs not wrong, as embarrassing as it is to think about it.
âSoâŠâ Vash wrings his hands together, eyes flickering between Wolfwood and the cigarette that has long since been forgotten on the ground. He moves his boot to step on it, putting it out.Â
âSo,â Wolfwood parrots, stuffing his hands into his pockets. âAre you okay? With all of this, I mean.â
âMe?â Vash blinks, confused. âI guess so, I was mostly worried aboutââ
He doesnât get to finish his sentence before Wolfwood reaches over and pulls Vash into an embrace.
âSave it, blondie,â he says quietly. âYou and I both know Iâm fine with kids.â Wolfwood is also not wrong about that.Â
âThatâs not what I asked you.â
Are you okay with this? Is this what you want?
âIâyeah,â Vash lets out a shaky breath. âI really am.â He wraps his arms around Wolfwoodâs neck and buries his face into his shoulder. âThank you, Nick.â
For everything.
 .
 A daughter⊠she would look just like you, Nick, Vash thinks to himself while Wolfwood continues to argue with himâwith their child. And she would act like you, too.
âI donât need two needle-noggins in my life,â he says sternly, but thereâs a hint of amusement in his voice. âSo please inherit some damn common senseââ
âI have plenty of common sense,â Vash interrupts him. âFor exampleââ
Wolfwood scoots his hand up underneath Vashâs t-shirt and squeezes the warm skin of Vashâs hip with a rough hand, eliciting a yelp out of him.
âDonât say another word,â he grumbles, âunless you want me to knock more of that so-called sense into you.â
Vashâs smile is everything devious in nature. âI would love to see you try.â
 .
 The first time Wolfwood sees just how different Vash is as far as humans go, heâs equal parts aroused and surprised.
âYou really werenât kidding,â he says while trailing a finger across the inner part of Vashâs upper thigh, tracing a scar that mars the skin there. It stops just short of what he could only describe as thin, petal-like folds, tightly wound andâquivering? âThis is pretty freaky, spikey.â
âDonât tease me,â Vash all but huffs as his body is out on display for him. One too many drinks later and they find themselves in yet another unfamiliar, yet all too recognizable inn bedroom.Â
It was easy for both of them to make it to this pointâthey always, always do, but this time it is different. Itâs edging closer to something that neither one of them can turn away from.
Wolfwood grins at him. âOh, Iâm just getting started.â
 âCan youây-yes, right there,â Vashâs calves tighten around Wolfwoodâs shoulders instinctively, hands gripping the bed sheets beneath him.Â
âEasy, Vash,â Wolfwood is a little breathless when he pulls back, a hand trailing along the metal of his prosthetic. âDigging into my neck a bit there.â
Vash almost immediately tries to sit up, looking extremely concerned. âShit, Iâm so sorryââ
Wolfwood carefully presses a hand to Vashâs lower abdomen, stopping him. âItâs fine, sweetheart,â he licks his lips. âLie back down.â
His legs loosen a bit, this time more mindful of Wolfwoodâs fleshy shoulders. Vash had insisted on leaving his prosthetics on, enjoying being able to anchor himself against his lover.Â
Wolfwood continues where he left off, nose brushing the inner, wetter petals that are waiting for him, taking in Vashâs scent with a soft inhale.Â
He flicks his tongue across them, watching as they unfurl and invite him into something far greater.Â
âNickââ Vash arches his back with a groan. âMore, Iââ
âMore what?â Wolfwood murmurs it against the opening of his slit, lips finding their way around the swell of a small bud that is nestled between it. âFull sentences.â
âMore, please,â Vashâs voice trembles, âDonât fucking stop.â
âLanguage, sweetheart,â Wolfwood presses a kiss to the bud, nips at it gently with his teeth and proceeds to curl his tongue around it.Â
He sucks long and slow, far too slow for Vashâs liking, evident in the way he hears another groan come from him.Â
Vashâs hand reaches for Wolfwoodâs hair, tugging as he rocks his hips closer.
âOh, Nick,â he gasps this time and Wolfwood is certain that heâs close, noticing how the room begins to glow a touch brighter.Â
Seeing those intricate patterns spark to life across various parts of Vashâs body ignites something truly deep within Wolfwood, far deeper than any spoken word of some higher being he could imagine.
They dance across scarred legs, skipping over pieces of well worn beryl-infused metal, trailing up Vashâs torso, his neckâ
Vash shudders when he comes, fingers flexing into Wolfwoodâs hair, purposefully forcing the man to stay put between his legs.
Not that Wolfwood would have ever minded.
He laps up everything that Vash gives to him and tries to coax out even more with his mouth, relishing the sweet taste that hits his tongue.Â
âStill with me, darlinâ?â Wolfwood breaks away from him with a quiet gasp. He brings a hand up to his lips and wipes at it, grinning.Â
âUh-huh,â is the only coherent response he gets, Vashâs body going limp with bliss. ââS good, Nick, youâre so good.â
âPreaching to the choir, I see,â Wolfwood runs a hand up Vashâs thigh, tracing along the intricate plant markings and noting how they shimmer brighter with each touch. âLetâs see what else that pretty mouth of yours can do.â
 .
 âHow did the appointment go?â Wolfwood eventually asks, moving up to settle beside Vash. âDid Brad ask aboutââ
âThe feathers,â Vash nods and sighs quite dramatically. âIt was going so well, too, but then I sneezed and everything just,â he lifted up both his hands and spread his fingers, metal and flesh flexing wide, âExploded?â
âExploded?â Wolfwood canât help but laugh. âOur child is already a menace, I can't believe it.â
One morning Vash had awoken to small, downy feathers attempting to sprout from his shoulders and forearmâthe last time that happened, any time that happened, actually, was when theyâ
Well. Vash definitely didnât relay that information to Brad, but he didnât try to hide any of his bodily changes when he went for his most recent checkup.Â
Luida suspected it had something to do with the pregnancyâthat energy, a life, now being constantly generated from within him. He was bound to have some⊠interesting side effects.
âI couldnât believe it,â Vash says after a moment. âYou shouldâve seen the look on Brad's face when it happened though, or the room,â he pauses and glances at Wolfwood with a smile. âCompletely covered in feathers.â
Wolfwood snakes an arm across Vashâs chest, moving to rest his head on his shoulder. âBet he loved that,â he closes his eyes. âGlad everything went smoothly, blondie. I should be able to come next time.â
Vash turns his head and presses a kiss to Wolfwoodâs hair. âLuida would like that. Sheâs been dying to see you again, you know.â
âMore like dying to have someone help out around the ship,â Wolfwood sighs, but thereâs no malice in his tone. âSay, next time we visitâŠâ he lowers his hand down Vashâs chest, stopping pointedly at his stomach. âTheyâll be able to tell us what the little sprout is, yeah?â
Vashâs small intake of breath doesnât go by unnoticed and it causes Wolfwood to sit up, getting a better look at him. âWhatâs wrong?â
âWellââ Vash starts to say, but closes his mouth promptly.Â
âWait,â Wolfwood reaches over to the side of the bed and suddenly the room is illuminated by the warm glow from the lamp. âVash, donât tell me youââ he glances back over at him and studies his face for a moment in silence. Vash desperately wishes Wolfwood wasnât so damn good at reading him for once.Â
âYou already know, donât you?âÂ
Vash groans and brings a hand up to his face. âIt was an accident, Luida brought it up before I could stop her. Iâm so sorry, Nick.âÂ
Wolfwood exhales and slumps back against the pillows. âUnbelievable.â
Vash attempts to roll over to face him, being on his back for so long starting to become a bit uncomfortable. âNick?â
Silence.Â
âNicholas,â Vash poutsâhe definitely has no right to do so, but he canât help it. âI can just tell you, would that make it better?â
âNo,â Wolfwood sighs. âI still want it to be a surprise.â
âI can act surprised when she tells us!â Vash says with enthusiasm. Wolfwood gives him a withering look. âNo? Okay, okay,â he frowns, âit was worth a shot, though.â
âYou are a complete needle-noggin idiot, you know that?â Wolfwood reaches over to flick Vashâs head. âAnd⊠itâs all right, donât worry about it.â
âAre you sure?âÂ
âYes,â Wolfwood stresses the fact with a poke to Vashâs cheek. âI can wait a few more weeks. You better not bring it up on accident, though, or elseââ
âI wonât! I promise, scoutâs honor!â
 .
 Wolfwood is a lazy kisserâVash used to tease him for it, but it wasnât as though he was much betterâor had any practice.
And they really did have the time now for these sorts of things.
He sighs as Wolfwood peppers a trail of kisses up his chest, taking his time with each scar and meld of flesh and metal his lips come past.Â
âNicholas,â Vashâs voice is light, full of warmth. âI thought you saidâ oh!â
Wolfwood captured his mouth with ease, stopping whatever teasing comment that was about to be said.Â
His lips are chapped, but still somehow soft, warmâVash has half a mind to point that out, but Wolfwood wonât allow it with the way his mouth is working.Â
Vash gives in and sighs into the kiss, tugs him closer, prosthetic fingers raking through Wolfwoodâs hair. Itâs enough of an incentive to keep going, by any means.Â
Even if there is shouting outside the inn bedroomâs window, or the ringing of a few gunshots sounding off in the lingering desert air.Â
Vash breaks the kiss to turn his head, ignoring how Wolfwood sets his aim for his throat.
âShould we goâmmh,â Vash tries to suppress a moan, unsuccessfully, âcheck that out?âÂ
Wolfwood pauses, lips lingering near Vashâs collarbone. âDuring the middle of this?âÂ
He has a point.Â
And to further express said point, Wolfwood slowly rocks his hips along Vashâs thighs.
âYouâre right,â and Vash canât believe heâs saying it with a smile on his face, one that Wolfwood canât see from this angle, but knows that the man can feel.Â
The whole room is lighting up, after all.
âIt can wait,â Vash decides, and Wolfwood takes him.
 .
 One minute of silence passes between them, and then two.Â
âOkay, I canât do this,â Wolfwood rolls over to face Vash. ââM not going to be able to sleep unless I know.â
Vash is unable to restrain himself from laughing. âReally? Surely thereâs something in your good book about rewarding patience.â
âAlways be humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love,â Wolfwood recalls the passage in a low voice. âI think Iâve been pretty gentle lately, all things considered.â
âOh, absolutely,â Vash agrees, amused. âNot so humble, though. Might need some brushing up on that.â
Wolfwood slides a bit closer to Vash. âGood thing weâll have some down time for the next couple of months thenâI could use some practice.â
âI happen to know an excellent teacher,â Vash says. He feels Wolfwood snake an arm across underneath the blankets, reaching for his shoulder to pull Vash in an embrace.Â
âIf you say Brad, I swear to fucking Godââ
Vashâs huff of laughter is the only response Wolfwood gets before a pale hand beckons him closer.Â
Even in the now-quiet of the room, Vashâs whisper to his ear is perhaps the softest thing Wolfwood has heard in a very long time.Â
He canât help his too sudden reply, his own voice on the verge of cracking. âReally?â
Vash nods. âYes, really.â
And if Wolfwood hid his face in the crook of Vashâs neck, eyes filled with a dampness that threatened to spill over and unable to say anything else except a murmured âthank youââ
It was enough.Â
#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#fanfic#fic#texte#my writing#hewwo friends long time no motherfuckin see am i right LOL#man. wow. it has really been a hot minute since i've last wrote something#trigun kinda took over my brain (not complaining tho)#i don't really have many pals who are into the series atm so i'm just yodeling into a void by myself tbh#anyway i posted this to ao3 the other day and figured i should cross post it here too#title is unabashedly from the foo fighters and yes it's in my wv playlist#nobody asked but i'm saying that much#these 2 guys r so fucking!!!!!!! TRAGIC#i just want them to have a family. god bless the plantussy#ok i am going now perhaps i will return? with more fics? we shall see#love & peace 2 u all <3
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