#there's no other explanation for this

[aenariasbookshelf]

Fic: The Intern (MCU/911 ccrossover)

Finally posting this here because I have apparently lost my goddamn mind and it's all @typhoidmeri's fault.

(Also I have had an absolutely terrible last few months and could use some validation, pretty please.)

Title: The Intern

Summary: “Okay, wait, why the hell is your name popping up in a SHIELD file, of all places?”

All right, so maybe there are still one or two secrets in Buck’s closet. But in his defense, they’re all Darcy Lewis’s fault anyway, so the blame lies solely in her hands.

a/n: I plead temporary insanity, that’s the only explanation for this piece, which is probably only of interest to me and like three other friends. But, given the last few months I’ve had, I figured it was worth it to exorcise some demons and get this piece out before I chicken out.

Timeline wise (which, dear god, trying to figure out timelines for this show gives me a migraine), this takes place very early in S1. Like first couple of episodes early. As for the MCU, we’re going with a kinder, they all lived in the tower sort of a universe, no Civil War, no Thanos, etc. Because that’s how I roll.

More notes after the piece to avoid spoilers.

*

“Okay, wait, why the hell is your name popping up in a SHIELD file, of all places?”

Buck looks over Hen’s shoulder at the tablet in front of her, a page of search results front and center on the screen. Halfway down the page, past a few youtube entries of his spiderman interview, is a link to a searchable database full of files from the massive 2014 document leak that emerged when SHIELD had collapsed in on itself.

Ah, shit.

“Why the hell are you googling me?” is all he asks instead, because this is a story that he really doesn’t want to get into.

Actually, he may not even be able to get into it, considering the approximate 5 billion NDAs he   had to sign before he closed the book on that so-called vacation. None of which were his fault, thank you. He was just an…innocent bystander. Ish. He really just followed his cousin straight into the midst of trouble. So really, it was all her fault.

“Because that’s what we do with the new people around here, probie,” Chimney adds. “So what exactly were you doing in the UK in 2013?”

Buck just gives them a wink instead, because that’s what they’d expect from him. “Well, I’d tell ya, but then I’ll have to kill you.”

I mean, it’s not like people haven’t heard about aliens by now, especially in light of what happened in New York in 2012. Which was another incident that was also his cousin’s fault, though it doesn’t look like Hen and Chimney have found that link yet. So that’s one small mercy, at least.

“Just like a bargain basement James Bond.”

He’s ready to fire back another retort at Hen, but then the alarm bell goes off and it’s time to go to work, all talk about mysterious files forgotten.

(Though, to be fair, before Buck skips down the stairs he makes sure to wipe the history and cookies from Hen’s tablet. Just in case.)

*

It’s well after ten by the time Buck gets back to the frat house, which is still buzzing because his taste in roommates isn’t exactly the greatest (look, he knew at least one of them before he got there from Peru, and the room was cheap enough that it totally didn’t obliterate the meager salary he got as a probationary firefighter) and, well, it was a Thursday. Any excuse for a party, really. He doesn’t bother to hang around, just gives them a wave and heads up to his room.

He tosses his duffel into the corner, and is sure to lock the door behind him, because no one needs to witness the call he’s about to make.

With an exhausted sigh he flops down on the bed, but he can’t sleep. Not yet. Not if he’s going to speak to his cousin and annoy the hell out of her in the process. He pulls up Darcy’s entry in his phone, flips over to the text message thread.

>> hey u up?

Is what he texts, solely because he knows it’s going to annoy the hell out of her.

About ten seconds later his screen lights up with an incoming FaceTime call, followed quickly by Darcy’s familiar face. Brown hair tossed up into a messy bun, glasses, pursed lips, and definite dark circles under her eyes from some inevitable late nights.  He can’t see much of the room behind her, but there’s plenty of glass and steel and sterile white walls, which doesn’t exactly scream astrophysics to Buck, but then again what does he know?

“Hey, fireboy!” she says, far too chipper for the late hour.

“Really? That’s the best you can do?”

“It’s after one in the morning here, cut me some slack. Science and Jane Foster don’t sleep, therefore neither do I.” To emphasize the point, she picks up an iced coffee and slurps loudly on the straw, echoing loud and clear over the call. “So what’s up, cuz? Why are you calling at this stupidly late hour?”

“Did you know that my name is apparently showing up in SHIELD files online?”

“What??”

Buck nods. “Yep. My co-workers were having fun during some downtime today and decided to google everyone’s names. And there in a database of all the files from the 2014 data leak from the Triskelion is a file that mentions me, the UK, and 2013.”

“Goddamnit,” Darcy mutters, wincing and running a hand over her forehead. “What, you mean you’re not showing up as L.A.’s finest Spiderman knockoff anymore?”

“Oh, don’t start. Also, it’s after those entries.”

There’s the telltale clicking of a keyboard coming from Darcy’s side, then a few seconds later Buck sees her grimace again, looking none too pleased. “Yeah, that is definitely your name showing up in the leaked database. Well, shit.”

“Yeah, understatement. Is there anything you can do about this? I don’t exactly want my new coworkers to…know any of this.”

“I mean, the internet is forever, so I don’t know if there’s any putting this back in the bottle, so to speak.” Buck just groans at that, falling back on the pillows and falling out of the frame of the call. He pulls a pillow over his face, because this is just what he wants to hear. Really. So much. “You mean you don’t want everyone you work with to know that you helped defeat an invasion of alien elves from before the dawn of time in London one year?”

“It’s not exactly something easy to explain,” he shoots back, still offscreen and muffled by his new face covering.

“But it’s still a hell of a story.”

“A story that not a lot of people will believe, even now.” Because even though it feels like the world’s gone mad, more than once, these days, what with aliens and superheroes and killer robots, sometimes it’s still hard to believe the stories when they happen to someone they know up close and personal.

(Happens twice, really, but the first time he legitimately was just a bystander. Not the only one, not by far, but just an observer rather than a participant. Unlike the second time. That one they were well into the thick of it, hence the interviews, NDAs, and eventual SHIELD file.)

Buck sighs again, pulling the pillow off his head and sitting up so he can look Darcy straight on through the phone screen. “Are you sure - are you absolutely sure that even with all of your alleged connections that there’s nothing you can do?”

Darcy glances off camera again, followed by a few more keyboard clicks, and she chews at her lips. “I may be able to tweak the optimization so it gets those entries buried a few pages further back, get the L.A. Spiderman entries further up the list to take priority, but there’s not much else I can do.” She sighs heavily, pursing her lips and blowing air through them. “I might - and this is no guarantee at all - be able to ask someone else to help.” This statement is followed by another grimace from Darcy, and a muttered “I am going to owe Nat so much for this.”

“I will owe you so much for this,” Buck insists. “Even more than the fake ID debacle of 2007.”

Darcy smirks and jabs a thumb at herself. “Bucks County’s finest teenage fake ID forger, that’s me.”

Before any more words can be said, there’s what sounds like a small explosion offscreen on Darcy’s side, followed quickly by an “Oh, shit!” and scrabbling feet.

“Everything okay?” Buck asks.

Darcy flips the camera to the other side, revealing a slender brunette woman whacking at a smoking piece of technology with what appears to be a damp towel. “Lab’s on fire. Again. It happens a lot with our homemade equipment.” She flips the camera back to her face, rolling her eyes at the sight in front of her. A loud, strident alarm sound erupts from somewhere on her side, accompanied by rapidly flashing strobe lights in the reflection of Darcy’s glasses. “And there’s an Assemble call. Just fucking ducky. Gotta go, fireboy, we’ll talk soon!”

With that the call ends, the screen going black and silence descending on the bedroom. Buck flops back again, dropping the phone on his chest with a sigh. “That was not helpful.”

(And what the hell did she mean by an Assemble call anyway? Whatever, half the things Darcy says don’t make sense anyway, and he pushes the thought aside.)

Still, the matter of Evan Buckley’s SHIELD file never comes up again at work, so Buck figures that the matter’s over and done with.

Until it isn’t, of course, but that’s a story for another day.

*

a/n part two: So while it may not be entirely obvious here, but this universe has spun out in my head over the last few weeks and has become its own, canon divergent mash-up crossover of an alternate universe beast. This is just a little part of it, to test the waters and see the story come to life a little. A kinder, gentler universe where some characters get treated a little better than in canon (because this is fanfic and I can do what I want). Though there may be one or two hints in here about this alternate universe…

And yes, just picture Thor: The Dark World with a younger Buck in there playing the role of Darcy’s intern, with a lot more personality and a bit more sass. The movie would play out exactly the same way pretty much (except for the kissing bits because ewwww no. They are family, people.)

No constructive criticism please, gentle readers. I’m just here to have fun. Thanks for reading!

[the-ravening]

Gerd making Marko's daddy jealous in Elefantenherz

(@six-demon-bag they truly were insane for this)

[evilkaeya]

So what we get from this, is that the animation team REALLY hates akutagawa and loves everyone else

[crystaltoa]

And now for something completely different.

This is the ADHD Teapot. I made it in a ceramics class a few years ago. I use it to explain executive dysfunction to people who haven’t come across the term before (and those who think of ADHD mostly as Hyperactive Eight Year Old Boy Syndrome).

So, most people’s brains are like a regular shaped teapot with a single spout. Let’s say that your time, energy, focus etc is the liquid you have in the teapot. Your executive function is the spout, that directs the tea into the specific cup you want to fill-aka the task that you’re meant to be doing. Spills happen occasionally, but generally most of the tea goes in the right cup.

If you have executive dysfunction, (a symptom of ADHD, trauma, autism, schizophrenia etc.) you have multiple spouts going in different directions. You can try pointing one of them at your chosen cup and you will probably get some liquid in there, perhaps you will even fill it right up (finish the task). But meanwhile, tea is also pouring out of several other places and not going where you want it. If you have another container nearby, perhaps some of it will end up in there. But quite a lot of it is going to end up on the floor and accomplish nothing.

And at the end of the day you’ll have filled one or two cups ( or sometimes not even one) compared to the five or six that somebody with the same sized teapot (but only one spout) has filled, and everyone wonders why you’re so bad at getting tea poured, and why you make such a mess in the process.

One day I’d like to spend more time learning pottery and create a really technically good fucked up little adhd teapot. But that’s a long way off since i currently live in the outback and the nearest pottery workshop is some 400km away. But I figure that for now, it might be a useful or interesting metaphor to somebody even in its rough draft form.

This post is the cup I filled instead of cleaning my house btw.

[hyolks]

ohhh early 2000s protagonists save me

[bunnieswithknives]

As much as I love angst I think it would be funny if he just didnt give af

[chloesimaginationthings]

The real reason Michael has a British accent in FNAF…

[spitedemon]

i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.

i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.

[bluegiragi]

holding back (part 2)

early access + nsfw on patreon

[allthethoughtsandstuff]

do you guys ever think about how drop dead gorgeous kevin day must be to make up for his fucking personally

[its-the-ratdawg]

Hannibal fans who don't believe in hannigram are so funny to me. bc dude. if they're not in love. what the fuck was all that (the entire show) even about???

[gigizetz]

alright so this shot of Scylla I just finished working on took 2 days.

2 days for a 5 seconds shot.

I swear I draw pretty fast but it's just Scylla's design. I remember when I first drew her I was like, "oh btw I'll redo her design so it can be simpler and easier to draw :3"

[eriochromatic]

Last minute self indulgent pride illustration featuring my comfort characters and personal headcanons ✨✨✨

[mumblesplash]

part 2!!!! [read part one here]

transcript below the cut arranged into stanzas to help show where the rhymes are:

“that’s why they brought gem in? as a failsafe?” as a pawn. we were told to point her at whoever we need gone

“gem won’t hurt her allies. …yet.” the curse she carries will it’s had its eye on her since she lost the other eye she was specially selected for her hunting skill it’s quite the high honor. “wow. how generous.” we try

think about it: why does almost no one fight the curse? “given how fast scott killed skizz last season, i can guess.” [“any pain you spare your friends, you’ll have to suffer worse”?] it’s designed to shut down higher reasoning with stress

[trenchcoathunnybee08]

If I had a nickel for every time is scene featuring the Wolverine was framed as a joke about him having gay sex with another character this year I’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice.

[gobbogoo]

Who Is Scout's Ma?

She's a character we know extremely little about, however when you stop to consider the IMPLICATIONS of what little we DO know, things start to get interesting:

1. She lives in the roughest part of Boston ("if you were from where I was from, you'd be dead") but dresses quite elegantly.

2. She had 8 boys, all of whom she raised BY HERSELF, and yet somehow she finds the time to maintain this impeccable appearance.

3. Scout clearly loves and admires her to a point where it's one of the few things he'll drop his "tough guy" act for, and dialogue in the comics like "Ma's gonna kill me if she finds out" implies he also still fears her disapproval, despite being a fully autonomous adult.

4. Spy, despite what he likes to pretend, is clearly head-over-heels for her. He even had her likeness engraved on his fanciest gun! (Note the distinct hairband & hoop earrings) For a man who avoids attachment to the point where he never lets anyone see his face, that's an unusual degree of infatuation.

5. None of Scout's brothers left Boston while he was growing up, despite a few of them presumably being adults by then. Not only this, they were still all getting into fights together, implying they were both continuing to live with or near their mother and brothers, AND had reasons to brawl with others beyond just some adolescent street scuffle.

My Theory:

Scout's Ma is the matriarch of a Boston-based crime family.

It explains her elegant appearance, how she and Spy were able to meet, why their bond clearly goes beyond a one-off fling, why she was able to be in Scout's life so much despite the financial burdens of being a single mother of 8, and why all of said 8 were continuing to get into fights with other locals. They weren't just some street gang, they were enforcers. It also explains why/how Scout got into mercenary work, his many mafia-themed weapons, and why he continues to fear her ire even as an adult.

Plus, take a look at this unused angle of the last photo from Meet The Spy:

You'd THINK a single mother from the rough side of Boston wouldn't appear so in-her-element on a fancy date with The Spy, and yet her appearance and demeanour here just SCREAM "confident and in control."

Scout's Ma is Boston's Godmother, and I desperately wish to see someone draw her as such.