#there's more i properly forgot to put in but here have lots

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[goldentigerfestival]

Yuri's dialogue (JP) is so fascinating to study, like... the repetitive use of certain words/phrases that others use sparingly but he uses constantly. the way it feels like his vocabulary is more expansive than what he uses, but he defaults to a "comfort" level of speech. the way it mixes in with his sort of "street talk" words and the sheer level of informality. the way his "street talk" phrasing is contrasted by the tone of his voice (on that note, people I know who also know JP are also very endeared by these aspects of him so I KNOW IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!).

'cause the thing is, he uses phrases that yeah, other people do use, but he uses a handful over and over and over (contrast to other characters' sparing use of repetition). it's actually... really refreshing? it sounds more relatable and less "video game/anime/JRPG/RPG" writing or something, idk. like closer to how a real person would speak.

I do my best in my translations not to make things sound too stiff across the board, but Yuri makes it so easy. it's why I'm so interested in translating all his lines in Vesperia, like... the actual, original tone for him with his original wording because it's smth Eng only players don't get to experience ('cause even if you listen with JP audio, if you don't know the language, ofc you're gonna miss out on context. it's nobody's fault for not knowing, just... they unfortunately miss out). the thing is, there are a lot of times when the lines in and of themselves are not contextually incorrect in the English ver (usually the situation for smaller scenes, because they altered the text outright for more important stuff which was the stuff that originally set me off, but there were also plenty of cases of just vocal tone shifting with the correct context that still gave off the wrong impression), but Yuri's tone is shifted away from the original in Eng even though it's completely and perfectly translatable.

I am by no means about to translate the entire game because let's face it, I really don't care that much for Vesperia on the whole. I'm kinda stuck with it because Yuri's there lo and behold I actually am WAY more engaged in his stories in Rays, Link and Asteria because it's an amazing character put into circumstances where he actually gets to shine and feels more alive, which Vesperia did not provide nearly as well with its very disjointed story. also, Tales gachas have banger stories that are arguably better than the mainline games, and they regularly make Yuri a very central character to the gachas. Crestoria was also about to do it until they pulled the plug on that game and I'm pretty confident something interesting has been lost to the world. also I just generally don't have the energy or motivation to do that, so... I'll only be focusing on Yuri's lines, especially because his stuff is where the bulk of the messing around was. he's just insanely fun to translate for and I love burying myself head first into his speech.

will I actually finish this project? dunno. will I get around to posting it? whatever I get done (so all of it if I complete it), and if I decide to call it quits then I'll post what I have at the time I decide that. will it take a long time? probably, but I can always mention stuff along the way...

[luveline]

I was just rereading your marauders sex shop blurb. I love how the boys have just adopted reader into their group, and how open they are with their affection for her. You do such a wonderful job of writing intimacy that rides the line between platonic and romantic. And I love the readers inter monologue of wondering if that intimacy means something more romantic like she wishes. It’s wonderful! I was also wondering if there’s a blurb on how the boys met reader for the first time?

thank you so much, that’s so nice of you <3 there wasn’t one but I hope this is okay!! —Remus, Sirius and James move into their new flat. You’re helpful. fem, 1k

The stairwell is filled with the sounds of kissing. Remus frowns, heart beating quickly, arms aching under the weight of yet another box. He gets to the top of the stairs and peeks around the box’s sides. 

Sitting on the step of their new doorway is James. And, sitting on top of James, stroking his cheek, is Sirius. His hair is falling all over the place and they’re kissing so much Remus assumes they’ll have bruised noses. They often turn their kisses into a fight, like one of them can win, though it never really ends that way. He wants to laugh as Sirius pushes James down for more kissing, and he sort of wants to watch regardless because they’re both good kissers and he’d quite like to be included, but mostly he needs the heavy box put away. 

“Someone please help me,” Remus says. 

James breaks away. Sirius squeezes his face and begins to kiss his neck. 

“Baby,” James says as he pushes him away, which is funny, unlike him and unlike Sirius to be called it, but also not actually unlike either of them when Remus really thinks about it. 

Sirius gives a last peck and pulls away. When he gets up to look at Remus properly he’s flushed all over from the activity, his neck and face turning red in splotches. 

Sirius and James have spent a lot of time spoiling Remus into love. He would’ve ended up there regardless, but he’s used to being the centre of attention. It was nice to see them kissing, and he wishes he didn’t interrupt quickly, but neither party seems to begrudge him. Sirius stands up and James is a second behind him, taking the heavy box from Remus’ arms before it can topple to the floor. 

“We’re on break,” James says with a grin. “Especially you.” 

“We have to take the van back tonight, in case you forgot. There’s still half our stuff in there.” 

“If we have to pay their fine, it’s fine,” James says, shifting the box against his chest. “I’d much rather pay the extra day than have us all hurt ourselves. How will we ever test the big bed if poor Remus can’t move?” 

“Poor Remus,” Sirius says, taking Remus’ hand to play with his fingers. 

This is pretty much everything Remus has ever wanted. To get to keep his two best friends forever, to be in love, to live together in a new city with good food and better cinemas. And here, nobody knows them. Nobody to judge them or give them strange looks. They can just be together like they’ve always wanted to be. 

Remus leans down to put his face against Sirius’ chest, their hands still held, Sirius’ free arm wrapping around him loosely. 

“Tired?” Sirius asks. 

James reluctantly leaves for the kitchen to put down their heavy box. 

“No. We really need to empty the van.”

“We will.” Sirius drops his nose against Remus’ hair. “Cliche if I kiss you?” 

“I like cliches.” 

Sirius puts his lips to Remus temple. Barely a kiss, no movement nor sound, but Remus knows it counts. It’s about intention. 

“Would you like a rough one?” Sirius asks quietly. 

“Maybe later.” 

“Please, let me give you one,” he says. 

“And have you press me into the floor? I don’t think so.” 

Sirius tips Remus’ head up and presses a kiss to Remus’ Cupid’s bow in an act of lifting his face, and then presses an equally gentle kiss to his lips. All this kissing… 

“I’m so happy we’ve moved,” Remus admits. 

Sirius squeezes his fingers, pulling away to meet charmed eyes. “All we need to do is find James a new team, and it’s perfect. Everything, finally.” 

“Hello?” someone calls. 

Sirius and Remus keep their hands held and shuffle across the hall to look down at the square. The flat building is strange, big and with an interior that’s an exterior, and you stand on the grass with a smile. 

“Hi!” you say, hands on your hips. You’re dressed for the strange weather, jeans and a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie, entirely non-assuming. “Are you guys moving in?” 

“We are!” Remus says back. “You live here?” 

“My friend, I came to make sure her cat was okay, she’s gone to Ibiza. Do you need help?” 

“Oh, no, we couldn’t ask you to!” Remus says. 

“Sure you can!” 

You smile, and Remus thinks you look really lovely when you smile, it changes everything about your face. He feels guilty for the thought quickly, but it’s not as though being in a relationship means he can’t tell when girls are pretty. 

“Are you busy?” Sirius asks. 

You grin and make for the metal stairs up to the flat. 

Remus peeks at him in surprise, then suspicion, but Sirius only smiles at him. “We’re making friends already,” Sirius says, giving him a nudge. “That’s what we wanted.” 

James returns, having taken off his hoodie, a brown t-shirt loose on his frame. His own, then, because he insists on stealing from everybody’s wardrobes and stretching out their clothes. 

“Why are you guys shouting?” 

“Nice girl’s gonna come help us move.” 

James raises his eyebrows. 

‘Nice girl’ makes her way up the stairs. You’re still grinning when you get to the top, unperturbed by the appearance of another boy. “Hi,” you say, holding out your hand for an introduction. “I’m Y/N.” 

It’s the start of a long road. Remus shakes your hand and gets the sort of butterflies he’s terrified of now, though eventually Sirius and James will admit to the exact same thing, and no one will know what to do about it.

[kyokutsu-sama]

Headcanons

A/n: So, I'm going o invest more content on my favorite captains of bc because they're hot , badass and deserve all world's attention. Here's some sfw/nsfw headcanons for them✨️

Tw: Nsfw content

_____________________________

Yami :

Sfw

He's super protective of you and that's something he doesn't hide. If any man messes with you (even if you are strong), that guy is officially dead.

You are the only person he allows to pick up his sword and use it on a battle. He trusts you so take good care of his katana because this man is broke and can't afford a new one.

He also likes to go out with you and take you out drinking or playing cards. If you win a bet against him, be prepared because he won't give up until he wins... or until he falls asleep from drinking. He's a terrible gambler but he refuses to accept that.

You usually train together and he likes to see you push your limits. He also likes it when you go on a mission with him so he can see this. He's proud of you and your power.

If he's having another one of his daily battles in the bathroom, you'll be the only one who can come in and give him the toilet paper he's missing because Asta forgot to change it.

(Asta run for your life)

Nsfw

I don't need to tell you that this man is rough and will surpass his limits in the sheets. Good luck to you and goodbye legs.

He loves being between your legs, devouring you and tasting everything you have to give him, probably even getting "drunk" on your juices.

He likes to see you squirm beneath him, the marks he left on you covering your skin (Yes, he really leaves a lot of marks on you), your eyes rolling and your voice calling him so well. Poor bed and poor other members who will listen to you all night

His hands will be all over your body, a lot of physical contact during the act. He loves it when you run your hands over his body too. You can even scratch his skin and bite, he doesn't feel pain. Only pleasure.

There's a lot of dirty talk.

And don't try to tease him, you don't know the risk you're running. Listen, he has no problem with that thing called public places. He puts you against a wall and does whatever he wants.

Regarding the fact that you can't walk properly, don't worry, he carries you everywhere in his strong arms.

He's just my type fr🤭

William :

Sfw

Super cute and kind to you. He is super careful with you, always giving you those sweet smiles that makes your heart melt.

He always likes to check on you to make sure there's nothing wrong or if you're 100% fine.

He's shy and whenever you hold his hand in public or kiss his cheek, his face will heat up from blushing. You just laugh at his cuteness.

He really likes hugs after a long day of work, he feels like you calm his heart and give him good energy.

He's fallen for you since the day you traced his scar with your fingers softly and told him how beautiful he still was. No one had ever done this and he was moved by this affection.

You were proud of him for who he was and not for his appearance and that made him shed little tears.

Nsfw

Do not proceed without your full consent. He wants you to feel good and comfortable.

The touch is soft and delicate, lots of tender kisses on your skin. He doesn't like to leave many marks like Yami, HOWEVER... if you leave some on him, it will cause "things" in him. (It turns him on but he's ashamed to admit it)

I see him being a sub and will let you take over things a lot of the time because he just loves it when you do.

Touch his body, kiss him, take him deep and slow as he likes. This man will have to fight with himself not to come when you ride him and look into his eyes. He goes crazy.

Very gentle with you after the act, always cleaning you and offering you everything you need.

(William, the door to my house is open... you know?🥹👉👈)

Fuegoleon :

Sfw

He is very serious in his role and always wants to have you by his side.

He loves your presence even though he is working hard, and if you help him he will thank you.

He might be a bit like William in the sense that he may be a little shy when you hold his hand or kiss him in public, although he doesn't blush like him.

He always tries to keep you protected and advises you not to talk to Mereoleona too much, he's afraid she'll make fun of him in front of you or drag you to the volcano where she trains.

This woman is dangerous, but having her as a sister-in-law is a gift tbh. She'll beat the shit out of everyone if anyone touches her brother's beautiful girlfriend.

Leo will probably love you because you love and care for his older brother. You two will be great friends.

He likes it when you run your hands gently through his hair when he is resting. This is comfortable and relaxing.

Nsfw

He's the middle ground between going fast when he's feeling excited (after you teased him all day) and going slow and sensual when he comes into the bedroom tired and just wants you to put your arms around him.

He dominates, he likes to be on top, seeing you beneath him arching when his fingers caress you or when he grabs your thighs and thrust you. He lives to see you squirming on the mattress.

He likes to praise you, whispering in your ear how beautiful you are, which gives you goosebumps.

Please run your hands down his back, he loves it and it makes him go deeper.

He hugs and kisses you a lot after he finishes. He is much more relaxed between four walls than in a public place where he hesitates a little with the PDA.

Nozel :

Sfw

Dear, be patient with him. He may be cold to the core but his eyes... they never lie. His look at you is something that many royal ladies who notice him would like to get from him.

He doesn't make long vows of love but look, he's the best with actions and no one will come close to you because he defends you a lot.

Although he and Yami don't get along, they are both overprotective lovers.

Even if you're not from a royal family or something, he won't let anyone discriminate against you for that. That person will disappear without a trace and it's all the work of Nozel fucking Silva.

Serious, but until you give him that little smile that makes him look away in embarrassment. You can see the tips of his ears turning red and you tease him for that.

He ends up smiling for a second and you feel like the luckiest person in the world to witness this event.

Nsfw

Don't underestimate this man, he is a dom and will always show you who is in control. Although I think he has a certain look that he would like you to take control.

Don't fight back, obey. He doesn't accept a no and if you're a brat to him, he'll punish you for it.

If he's having a bad day, he'll probably come to the bedroom to have you in his sheets and relieve himself. Goodbye legs once again...

He will also mark you, he is the only one who can have you and the marks made for him only turns him on.

Not only in the bedroom does he like to see you squirming and calling for him, but also on the office table while he takes a break from work. I don't see him being shy if someone came in but he would probably threaten anyone if they even thought about telling what they saw.

He makes sure you're okay afterwards and will put you in his arms, kissing the top of your head.

[autistichalsin]

So here's a very sad pattern for Halsin: he is used to putting his feelings to the side as well as dealing with everything alone.

If the Rite of Thorns completes, he says "The Rite of Thorns...? No. The grove is lost to me. To everyone. It's useless for me to stay here... there's nothing left to fight for. I will find you at your camp, and help you with your problem. Right now, I... I need to go be alone."

In the cut scenario where the player could interfere with Halsin's portal, collapsing it and dooming the Shadow-Cursed Lands: "Words won't repair what's been done to this land. Nothing will... I need to be alone" and "there is nothing more to be said... I need to be alone."

There are also lines in the goblin camp, if Kagha or all of the Druids have been killed, where Halsin indicates that he is experienced in compartmentalizing his emotions until he can feel them properly.

If Kagha dies: "Kagha... This is my fault - I was her teacher. I will mourn her when I can. But there are other matters to attend to before that."

If the Druids die and the player explains (as opposed to taunting Halsin): "Then... then it is as you say. They forgot their principles; you had no choice. I will mourn them when I can. But there are other matters to attend to before that."

It says a lot about Halsin, I think, that he is so ready to put off grieving properly when he learns his second in command or all of his Druids have died, and that he is used to the primary way for him to feel pain is alone.

He says it repeatedly, how he lost his confidantes and peers to the Shadow Curse, and they were replaced with unrelenting responsibility. It was so bad, his isolation so total that the Druids let him slip into a very dark place mentally. He mentions having grown overly fond of honey mead and nights alone (processing his grief entirely alone, and also depending on alcohol to do what human connection couldn't), and that he was so stressed he began to look fondly on his past as a sex slave, because it truly felt like a better alternative for him than what he was currently facing. He was miserable and lonely and honestly, likely very unwell mentally- and no one at his Grove intervened, leading to him having an instinctive need to do everything alone by the time you meet him. He doesn't even expect others to help him physically anymore; listen to how shocked he sounds when you save him from Orin. "You came for me... thank you."

He's so used to having to bear everyone's problems and his own too. It just breaks my heart. :(

[sugar-grigri]

Nayuta wasn't killed by Barem, she's his ally 

Poor fandom, you're disorientated just when your compasses should be working properly. 

Let's learn how to eat sushi properly, step by step. Or rather, how about reading Chainsaw Man in the right order? By calmly superimposing everything we know in the right order��

So let's not panic, let's get on with it. Dry your tears, clean your snot and let's get back to the introductions. 

First layer of sushi: Denji and Pochita are made for each other 

Who is Chainsaw Man? It's a question we've been asking ourselves a lot, but how about a simple answer - we're not here to mess around. Chainsaw Man is the combined result of Pochita + Denji. Do we agree? Why have they become so close? Because they look alike, don't they? Alone, hungry, in need of a little warmth and a little love. 

Second layer of sushi: birthday, despair, amnesia...

If we take the stories in outline, Denji meets Makima and then bonds with his siblings. A sibling who eventually dies, and whose final breaking point is his sister, cut in two. On top of that, it's his birthday, isn't it? Makima invites Denji to open the door that confined his traumas, including the death of Denji’s father? 

You see, I've already missed it, I went too fast. Let's resume calmly, birthday... Denji had forgotten it was his birthday, hadn't he? His birthday is the day you're born, it's one of the few pieces of information we don't really question, but Denji forgot it. But haven't you ever really wondered...

If Denji had celebrated his birthday? And why, how, he wanted to eat a cake? His father was violent and his mother died when he was very young, so is it really safe to say that Denji celebrated his birthday? 

I had another question, why does Fujimoto always seem to accentuate the cakes so much?

I really think that cake is one of the keys, because it's a tunnel of memories that resurfaces in Denji, the cake, his birthday, then Power's death, then his father's death. It's a sushi within a sushi (we're slowly taking things back in order), I think it's about layers that need to be taken back in chronological order, yes chronological 1) the death of Denji's father 2) the death of Power 3) Denji's birthday 4) the cake. Which brings us to this scene.

Was this scene shown not just metaphorical or symbolic, but actually happened? Denji having contracted with the control demon whose power is to control memory, in order to reshape him perfectly so as not to be happy and to do whatever she asks of him later. Why couldn't Denji open that door? Why does Aki's death sound so abruptly like Denji's absence, with a mini ellipsis that doesn't show us in concrete terms how Chainsaw Man killed him? I'm going too fast again, let's start again...

Makima hasn't made Denji unhappy, she's created a being made for unhappiness.

This scene refers to an anniversary, amnesia and despair, all ingredients that enabled Pochita to take complete possession of Denji and show us the most complete version of Chainsaw Man.

Which means Barem isn't lying, is he? Same here, I'm going too fast!

Third layer of sushi: the closer Denji gets to happiness, the more he doubts...

Denji manages to become himself again and succeeds in killing Makima, by devouring her. In a very simple and concrete way, Makima was devoured and this put an end to her existence. Keep this in mind. Nayuta is reborn, becoming Denji's little sister, lots of dogs surround them, Chainsaw Man becomes extremely popular and it's in this part 2 that Denji will feel the least like himself, the least like Chainsaw Man. Strangely enough, it's when he approaches a semblance of happiness that Denji pulls away from himself.

Barem really doesn't seem to be lying, does he? But once again, I'm going too fast, let's get on with it!

Fourth layer of sushi: Barem never lies 

This is something I quickly came up with, and it's so precise, I think his character is thought of that way, and it's his narrative role. Even though he's deceitful, manipulative and devious, the bro does NOT LIE. He didn't lie about the weapons attack, he didn't lie that he looked like a Chainsaw Man fan, and he doesn't lie in the last chapter. But same, I'm going too fast. 

Fifth layer of sushi: Nayuta betrayed by Chainsaw Man 

When Denji made the choice to become Chainsaw Man, the house, his source of happiness, was falling to ashes, his dogs, his cat were dying. Denji went through with his dream and abandoned the little sister who made him happy. Barem didn't impose misfortune on Denji; it was Denji who chose misfortune, despite Nayuta's fears. The happier he was with her, the more he lost himself. He left her in Barem's hands and provoked an existential crisis in her. Which made her reconnect with her old self. 

Sixth layer of sushi: an unblocked memory. 

The aftertaste that sticks to your palate is a piece of information I mentioned earlier. Makima has been devoured. What defines the Knights of the Apocalypse from the rest of the demons? Their memory. What if Nayuta had now understood how Chainsaw Man's power worked? 

Seventh layer of sushi: chapter 170. 

This explains Nayuta's severed head, a macabre mise-en-scène to make her brother lose his mind a little more. As for Barem, he doesn't lie to us and gives us instructions on how to read Chainsaw Man. He knows how to read Chainsaw Man, since he knows the two conditions for him to regain his full power because Nayuta gave them to him. For all this is nothing more than their death. 

Layer zero of sushi: the unknown. 

Now I'm entering the quintessential madness of my analysis. Makima contracted with Denji at a very young age, and gave him several orders: survive at all costs, remain miserable, and one day kill Power and Aki. Above all, she ordered him to contract with Pochita, hence Denji's reflex to hand his open wound directly to the demon. This misfortune, this amnesia due to the contract with Makima, this survival on his own, finally allowed a weakened Chainsaw Man to find a kindred spirit, a loved one. Believing in happiness, then destroying it, kept Chainsaw Man's power in check, those vain dreams only a human could imagine. Denji was a kind of Russian doll, holding back Pochita and his over-power. That's why these two conditions exist. 

To be unhappy, or to break this Russian doll. 

To be feared by all, or to be alone. 

Or kill Denji. 

To save Pochita. 

Layer - 100000 of sushi: did you think I'd finished losing my head? I don't think so. What if everything I've been telling you all along, taking things in order, were to be done in reverse? Take them out of order. I'll ask the questions so you can understand. Why is Makima so obsessed with Chainsaw Man? Why did the Knights of the Apocalypse fight Chainsaw Man in the underworld? How did they manage to retain their memories? Why start the story with a parricide? Why was Denji finely polished by Makima to welcome Pochita when Makima never saw Denji, the reason for her own death? How could she enter into a contract with someone she has never seen? 

Because someone is controlling the control demon itself. Just as it controls the way the story is presented to us. How can we trust an antagonist who controls memory? And an amnesiac protagonist? 

Why did Pochita do what he did in the underworld? Why this sudden fury? Why do demons hear chainsaws at the moment of their death? 

Because we've come full circle. More precisely, what you're reading is not part 2 but part 1, or to be more (MORE) precise, the end of Chainsaw Man will lead to its beginning. The desire to create a better world, to kill death, will lead to a temporal loop in the world that will never cross the apocalypse, blocked just ahead. 

Makima herself is controlled by her future self, which allows her to make references to the future and know the recipes for unleashing Chainsaw Man's power without understanding why, her future self knows Chainsaw Man, she loved him. So Makima also loves Chainsaw Man without really understanding why, amnesiac like Denji.

Denji doesn't kill his father, it's his old self who is killed. 

But another Denji tries to put an end to this... 

Spiral. 

Stuck between two worlds, two temporalities, morning (Asa), night (Yoru), someone is trying to put an end to this endless world, before dawn.

[kazzattack]

Pretty, pretty girl…

Dick Grayson x Black fem!reader x Jason Todd, w/c 2.6k

Synopsis;; You attend one of Bruce Wayne’s galas with your father, for the pure pleasure of seeing the infamous Wayne brothers, and end up being snuck into the manor for the night.

content;; 18+, threesome, oral (fem receiving, implied male receiving), face fucking (male receiving), brief chokehold, hair pulling, fingering, finger sucking, eye contact, lots of banter, technically mirror sex (bc I lowk forgot about the mirror oops), light degradation (whore, slut), brief dry humping, doggy style, manhandling (?), spanking for 2 seconds, pet names (baby, doll, sweetheart), Jason’s a bit of a meanie, and Dick is… Dick, I think that’s it, poorly edited/proof read

“Stupid, stupid, stupid…” you begin to mutter, frustrated that you agreed to attend in the first place. Still, you find the will power to put on your prettiest smile and runway worthy strut.

Functions likes these never served any entertainment for you, nor did you get anything out of it. Galas your father attends for the sole purpose of saving face, surrounded by rich scum and snakes. At least this is Bruce Wayne’s gala. One of the only billionaires you find tolerable. The only people worth going for are those Wayne boys, though. Pure eye candy. You couldn’t pick a favorite out of the two.

Dick Grayson’s the first to greet you, eyes darting up and down over your figure before meeting your eyes. “Hey pretty lady,” he sing-songs, friendly and welcoming despite the telling glint in his eyes. Wayne’s prodigal son, the first, and he definitely fits the title. Dick is almost surprisingly sweet, pouring you wine and complimenting the shiny gold jewelry around your wrists and neck, rather than the dress that rides just a bit high on your thighs when you sit in the chair he pulls out for you.

Jason Todd meets you with an unintentional death stare, bless his heart. Not to say you don’t do the same thing at first. If he wasn’t 6’1 and 200+ lbs of pure muscle stuffed into a red tux, he’d be easier to miss. At first you don’t even realize his connection to Dick, let alone Bruce Wayne, but you quickly take notice of the familial banter from afar. As of now, you two share the commonality of not really wanting to be here. The two of you only get the chance to properly speak thanks to the loud-mouthed brother, followed by the chance to subtly gawk at each other, of course.

The two of them, though most of the effort is through Dick, make most of the event fly by. You take part in shameless flirting with the leaner of the two, laugh a few times at Jason’s more snarky jabs, and before you know it? Your father’s left wondering where his daughter ran off to. Guess you’ll have to figure out how to tell him two out of many of Wayne’s kids are busy trying to sneak you into his manner.

The… guest bedroom? Is awfully large, along with the bed, and the nightstand, and the mirror you use to make eye contact with Dick. They’ve put you under the impression to have made it past the security system, but realistically they both know Bruce has been notified of your presence. They also trust the billionaire playboy will mind his business. And besides, the old man should be the least of your worries when Dick tugs your dress up, followed by Jason’s calloused hands running up your thighs.

“You’re shameless,” you tease, settling yourself between Dick’s legs with your back against his chest while Jason lowers his overwhelming stature in front of you.

“Oh, sweetheart, you haven’t seen the half of it,” he corrects, grabbing the tiny zipper between his fingertips to expose more skin. “Especially not from that one down there.”

Jason scoffs, sliding your heels off as he responds. “I’m almost positive she knows what you are. Hard not to.”

“I know what I am,” Dick snickers into your ear, hands snaking over your figure. “You’re the one who stomps around acting like you’re too high and mighty for a little fun.”

You muster up the courage to jump in, urging Jason to come a little closer to your face. Despite the persona, you’ve both warmed up to each other throughout the night. “You too good for me, Jay?” You inquire, tugging him closer by his collar and tie. The glint in his eyes answers for you, giving away every intention he has for the rest of tonight.

“‘M just shy,” he jokes, though you’re not 100% sure he is. After a few drinks and the comfort of a seperate room, his eyes wander more freely, and it doesn’t take long before you notice Grayson’s gawking at you through the mirror as he undresses. “Not that you’ve gotta worry about that anymore.”

𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ

Jason was no longer shy, clearly.

“Oh my god, Jay-“ you moan above him, head resting on Dick’s shoulder as one hand roams around your upper body. The other curls under your knee, supposedly holding your legs open as opposed to closing around Jason’s head while his tongue flicks against your clit.

“Fuck, you sound gorgeous,” Dick whispers as he sucks another hickey into your collarbone, and you feel a smooth hand wrap around your neck and rest there. “You gonna make those pretty noises for me too?” His tone is sultry and teasing, though you aren’t sure if it’s meant to provoke you or the short-tempered brother between your legs. You haven’t spent that long with them, but it’s been long enough for you to learn of Jason’s competitive edge and Dick’s insufferable tendencies to get under his skin.

“You could always find out for yourself…” you manage to respond, circling your hips in time with the thick finger on your insides. The strength is found to pick your head up and look at Dick, who’s already watching you like a hawk. Eyes focused with an almost obsessive gaze, tongue grazing over your skin. You can tell he’s fixing his dirty mouth for a quip but you cut him off with a gasp as another finger is dipped into your cunt, breaking eye contact as your head falls back.

“Quit talking to him,” Jason grumbles into your heat, “just sit and look pretty like you were doin’.” His words are muffled and the bass in his voice vibrates against your leg, leaving no room for you to consider not listening to him. He’s sure you’d much rather listen to him after that debauched moan you let out anyway.

Your hand moves to tug on the white streak of Jason’s hair, blanking out for a moment as the tips of his fingers curl and thrust into you. “Aw, gonna let him ruin the fun?” Dick teases, “I still wanna look at that pretty face.” He fixes you after his comment flies over your head, gripping your jaw to face him in the mirror and letting go to see if you’ll focus on your own. Jason, still seemingly irritated with him, tightens his biceps around the plush of your thighs and pulls you further from Dick. He doesn’t like sharing either. Noted. You glance down at him, green eyes half lidded and entirely zoned in on your pussy. He doesn’t talk all that much, but he’s got his own filthy mouth, tongue dipping in with his fingers for a moment as his free hand circles your clit. This is where you learn that Dick has his own frustrations too. He needs control, power in his hands.

“No wonder you like her,” he grins, “she’s almost as hard-headed as you.” Through the hazy pleasure you giggle, not expecting the way his arm slots around your neck. There’s a gasp before a strangled moan and you clench around Jason’s fingers, hips bucking into his face and he groans into your pussy. You’re in a more compromised position now, and he’s looking you directly in the eyes while his free hand tweaks at your nipple, making you arch further away from him.

“Oh, the pretty lady likes this? You want it tighter?”

Shamelessly, you nod despite your restrictions and he listens, squeezing your head between his forearm and bicep. A familiar feeling coils in your tummy, pretty nails digging into the flesh around your neck as your leg wraps around Jason’s head. You’d feel bad if it weren’t for the needy groan against your cunt.

“Ohh, gonna come on his tongue from getting choked out? Yeah, let him know who you’re looking at while you fuck his face.”

Oh?

You’re ashamed of it, but the limited oxygen and lightheaded effect had you follow along without a thought.

“‘S you- fuck, Dick- I wanna…”

At this point, Dick’s sure he can see steam from Jason’s ears.

Still, his ministrations only go deeper, even if it’s not exactly of his free will. Thick nails dig deep into your hips and thighs to keep you in place as you orgasm and he helps you ride it out as he huffs and grunts. Meanwhile you’re right where Dick wants you, laying up against his chest and moaning against his forearm as if you were his bitch.

“Fuckin�� attention whore,” Jason sighs, easily moving your body further from Dick after practically yanking his arm from you. “Can’t go five minutes without begging for someone to look at you?” He’s clearly ticked off, but the frustration is also accompanied by the bulge of his dress pants pressing against your thigh. He hates the competition yet he undeniably craves it, and it’s clear in how much rougher his touches get. Jason moves to kiss up your body as his fingers curl at a slower pace, holding your hips in place to keep you from squirming underneath him.

“Jay-“ you sigh in bliss, hips trying to inch away as you sit up to look down at him. “Ja-son… ‘s too-“

“Shut up,” rude, “I know this pretty pussy’s beggin’ for it.”

“Struck a nerve? Sensitive much.” All he gets it a glare, rightfully so. You’d expect Dick Grayson to get in on more fun, but he’s just evil. He likes seeing a pretty girl like you squirm. Jason’s clearly more hands on, scissoring you open a few times before abruptly pulling away shoving his fingers down your throat. You’d be embarrassed by how easily you take it if the two of them weren’t mesmerized, watching while you suck his fingers clean of your own slick.

“We got us a pretty little slut, Jaybird,” Dick praises.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop talking?”

“No, actually.”

“Well I am now, Dick.”

You get out a little giggle while they bicker before Jason flips you over, positioning your ass against his pelvis and guiding your hips back. You’d been too high in pleasure before to realize that Jason Todd is big, everywhere. His dick presses against you through his pants and you almost panic as he pushes you back and forth, watching your ass bounce against him a few times and you whine.

“Yeah, y’feel that?” He groans from behind you and only Dick can see the prideful grin on his face. “You’ll take it, baby, jus’ for me.” Still, you let out a little whine at his words and clench around nothing. What you can see is the bulge in front of you as your head rests between Dick’s legs, doesn’t look as big but it’s definitely enough. You have no right to complain.

Jason leans over to deepen your arch and you hear his belt unbuckle. You wanna tell him wait, but you’re too slow. The tip of his cock slips against your opening and you mewl, looking back at him over your shoulder. “Oh my god, Jay-“ you gasp before he pushes deeper inside of you.

“Fuck… what’d I tell you?” He grunts, already halfway inside. “Already so wet and you’re tellin’ me you don’t wanna get fucked?”

“Be nice,” Dick interrupts as his fingers curl into your hair gently, as if he didn’t have you moaning against his arm in a chokehold earlier tonight. He gets to be the nice one now, your handsome knight in shining armor. If that were entirely true, though, he wouldn’t be over so slightly forcing you back onto Jason’s cock with his other hand.

Dick’s order is easily disregarded once he’s all the way inside, and with a few thrusts, pulling all the way out before slamming you onto his cock, pretty nails are clawing at the fabric of Dick’s slacks and you muffle your moans into them with soft whines. “Ah-ah, sweetheart,” he hums from above you, cooing at you with a soft voice yet tugging your head up by the chin a little harshly to look at you.

“‘S big.. oh- fuck, Dick-“

“‘Scuse me?”

Oopsie.

“Now you’re in for it, doll.” The smile of amusement and lust on Dick’s face is almost demeaning.

“We got an ungrateful little slut,” Jason scowls, tugging so hard on your hair he might fuck it up if he doesn’t fuck you up first. His thrusts gain a brutal pace and he fucks you even deeper than before, leaning down to your face before he speaks again. “Here I am, face covered in your cum, fuckin this tight cunt with my cock and you’ve still got the nerve to be moanin’ for him? The fuck is he doing for you, huh? Tell me. Tell both of us.”

You can’t, even if you wanted to. Even if you could. Just from the close proximity, the way his dick hits that sweet spot harder and harder has you whimpering an incoherent apology and clenching around him. The only thing he can make out is the pathetic little “‘m sorry” as your hand moves to cover your face.

“Oh hell no,” he corrects you, grabbing your arm and folding it behind your back. You’re weaker than ever right now, no longer holding yourself up. In fact, Jason’s the one holding you, keeping you stable while he fucks the lights out of you.

“I think she wants it like this,” Dick chimes in, smiling like all you’re doing is putting on a show for him. Not that you mind, of course. You’re busy trying not to cry from the intensity, but you haven’t even realized your mascara’s been fucked up for a hot minute already.

“Yeah, you wanted this, right? Bet you thought you’d get it from that bastard,” Jason huffs a guttural laugh, “guess he shoulda told you about this thick dick.”

“‘M sorry, ‘m sorry, Jay- fuck, please,” you beg from beneath him, tightening around his dick as another orgasm has your moans higher pitched. “Wanna cum- lemme cum, Jason, please-!”

“Now you wanna moan my name?”

“Guess you fucked some sense into her.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth, Grayson.” The venom in his voice is for Dick, but unfortunately the anger gets taken out on you with a sharp smack on the ass and you yelp. “Give it to me,” he groans, “cum all over this cock.”

“Thank you- thank you, Jason-“

Your eyes roll, so far back you can see your skull as he fucks you throught it. You still babble on about how good he feels and he never lets up, focused on his own orgasm as he shoves your face into the mattress. Without another beat, he fucks you full, nasty fluids gushing around his cock as he finally calms down. You damn near back out, honestly, but distantly you can hear another belt buckle being undone.

“Y’done yet, Jaybird?”

“Not really,” he huffs through a deep groan, still rutting into you. “But go ahead. Just don’t piss me off again.” Dick fake pouts, pulling your face back up and you’re met with his length, throbbing and neglected.

“Wha…” you weakly moan, legs trembling and cunt twitching around Jason. Dick almost moans at the sight of your fucked out face, drool pooling at the corner of your lips and mascara smudged down your face. Still just as gorgeous, albeit more shameful than before. Dick can admit he prefers you with this look.

“We’ve still got plans for you, pretty girl,” he whispers, squishing your cheeks to push your mouth open before slapping the fat of his cock onto your tongue. “You still with us?”

“Mhm…”

“Good, good girl.“

𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ𖥔 ִ ་ ، ˖ ࣪ ་ ˖ ʿ

a/n;; dick was supposed to have the upper hand for most of this but listen, things happen. writing this was honestly so fun but idk if it’ll ever happen again anytime soon </3. pls enjoy, like, comment and reblog, i’d appreciate it :p

[hyuckswoman]

alumnusbf!mark helping you study

pairing: alumnus mark (who’s also your bf) x reader

genre: fluff

summary: you’re stressing over this one subject until your bf appears

“fucking hell” you mutter, your finals were in a week and you were currently studying the subject you have been dreading since the beginning of the study period. Studying for exams was not fun. Especially when you had this gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you that you were 100% going to fail.

markie

hey babe, you busy?

upon hearing the notification, you cursed at yourself as you swore you put your phone on do not disturb to avoid distractions .Yet here you were grabbing it to check the notification. turns out you did put your phone on do not disturb but since your boyfriend (who had to practically beg you to get removed off there texted you) was the origin of the notification, your phone still notified you.

being too lazy to write back, you just decided to call him

“hey, what’s up? I’m studying for my finals right now” you say after greeting him “oh really? I’m sorry to disturb then, how long have you been studying?” your boyfriend mark asks “hours. i literally had a full on mental breakdown studying the course because i suck at it and it feels like no matter how hard I study I just keep on failing” you say sighing “did you cry?” mark asks, maybe he knows you a little too well. “yea” you sigh yet again, it bothered you to see how big of a toll your academics were taking on you

“that’s a good thing then! wait no I don’t mean you crying is a good thing I meant it’s a good thing I’m on my way with food and stuff to give you a break” your boyfriend says making you laugh “mark, look I really truly appreciate it but I also really need to study” you say. honestly seeing how fucked you were because of this one course you couldn’t allow any distractions, and lord knows mark was a pretty big one

“no I know, we’ll just eat and then I’ll help you study. trust when I’ll leave you’ll be back in your academic weapon antics” mark says. after weighing your options (not that you had much of a choice seeing as though he was already on his way) you figured that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. you had the chance of having a boyfriend who already graduated which meant he already passed this course so maybe it’d actually help

“hi babe, i brought food” your boyfriend says, you were glad you had a boyfriend that supported your big backed antics. “i might make you my male wife at this point” you said as he hugged you. you guys then decided to turn on the tv and put a show none of you cared about for the sole purpose of having some background noise.

“okay, we’ve been slacking off for long enough, let’s get to studying now” your boyfriend says. you almost forgot about your finals for a second.

“okay, we’re done making the flash cards, quiz time” mark says quietly laughing upon seeing your face. “every right answer you get, i’ll kiss you” he says finding a way to motivate you as you looked like you were on the verge of dying. “I don’t think it helps, you distract me too much. i’ll probably only remember the kisses and not the actual class material” you reply. As much as it didn’t look like it you were seriously (for once) in the mood to study, you couldn’t let this pretty man distract you no more.

a short while after you were thrown over your desk defeated because what do you mean you only got like half the questions right???

“I don’t understand I’ve spent literal hours trying to memorize this shit I’m sick of it I just want it to be over” you sigh, this is the first time you’ve struggled this much over a school subject. usually being a bit above average doesn’t require you a lot of efforts so you never really tried that hard to pass your classes throughout the years. college beat the shit out of you tho!! you found yourself completely taken aback by the difficulty and you had to learn how to properly study throughout the years. if somebody asked you, you’d say you’ve got studying covered but seeing how this study session was going maybe you didn’t…

“I think you’re getting those wrong because you don’t understand this part” mark says patting your head as you mumble an ‘i know’. being the very considerate boyfriend he is, he then proceeded to explain the entirety of the material, dumbing it down whenever you looked up at him confused or when your eyebrows frowned a little too much. he also was so very patient, explaining the same things to you three different times as you had already forgotten what he said as soon as he moved on to another topic.

the dedication mark put into your academics was just too much for your heart to handle, you loved him so much and the fact he didn’t mind spending his evening studying with you instead of doing literally anything else warmed your heart. that’s why you didn’t have it in you to tell him you were getting gradually sleepier and were fighting your mind to stay awake because how could you when he looked so good concentrated trying to explain to you what you deem as the most incomprehensible subject ever.

“y/n? i feel like I’m losing your attention are you- oh.” mark says finally looking up from your study sheets seeing you asleep on your desk “pft, I didn’t know I was this boring damn” he laughs. since you were already in your pajamas and were in a position where the man could not carry you to bed he decided to gently shake you to wake you up “hm? I’m sorry I fell asleep markie, thank you for studying with me I love you. let me read the cards again to make sure I understand better” you say your voice a bit groggy “what? no go to sleep, nothing you read now will be effective just rest and sleep will take care of the memorizing for you” mark says preparing your bed for you “okay but only if you join me” you say already laying down under your covers “of course dude, let me put the things away and I’ll join you” mark says as he looks over to your half awake self that’s seemingly waiting for him

being in front of your final paper makes you realize even more how lucky you are to have mark in your life because you knew damn well that if the study session never happened you would have been shitting bricks internally crying over how much you don’t understand but now you got out of the final feeling confident you didn’t fail. you ran up to mark who was waiting for you to celebrate final period being over and he couldn’t help but mimic your immense grin as you told him how the final went better than what you had expected and thanked him for his help. He did refute by telling you it was all you and your mind but settled on taking a little bit of credit after you threatened him.

it was kinda crazy how mark made everything easy, every single thing without exception. looking at your boyfriend eating his meal you couldn’t help but smile thinking about how much you loved that man and how lucky you were to have him in your life.

[yandere-sins]

Not really a request but if you have any yan wuwa thought, pls share bestie I am STAVREDDD

i am constantly thinking about Scar!! man is not leaving my head!! i‘ll probably write something properly for him tomorrow but here are my late night (unedited lol) thoughts just for you ❤️

> Scar gives a lot of nicknames like his favorite follower, little lamb or sheepy (also depends on the situation but he might call you his sleepy sheepy—he do be silly like that). Either way he rarely uses your real name, so you know shit is about to go down when he does.

> He drags you anywhere and calls it a date. Given, most places are really dangerous but although the situations might scare you, Scar is there to protect you and play hero (even though it‘s his fault you turned out to be a damsel in distress, pretty sure he angers TDs so they‘ll go after you and then get rid of them to make himself look better). He wouldn‘t let you get harmed, and the poor soul who put a scratch on you because they are in for a bad bad time! No one gets to mark you—except Scar (;

> Ultimately he‘s super clingy though. He may distance himself to scare you but he‘d never leave you anywhere, sticking to you like gum to your shoes even if he sends you on errands. He isn‘t subtle about it either and likes to touch and grope you in the middle of the city while you wait for your order to be ready. You‘re just too adorable when you‘re flustered! And hey, the coat he put over you didn‘t allow anyone to see anything, it‘s just for Scar‘s eyes after all ;)

> The clinginess totally transferred into nighttime as well. He just won‘t leave you alone even as he mumbles into your ear throughout the night (I think he sleep talks! Most of it doesn‘t make sense but oftentimes it‘s your name or whimpering from nightmares.) He also gropes while he‘s asleep and drapes himself over you. Sometimes you doubt it‘s unintentional�� Boy needs your warmth and comfort so he can get some sleep :((((

> Destroys all your clothes so you have to wear what he gives you. Need I say more? And yes, the onigiri returns 🍙

> Will get really calm and serene if you pet his head, comb through or play his hair, or really show any kind of physical affection. Good for calming him down if he gets upset and you are scared for your life. It takes a lot of time until he‘s satisfied though, so you might be in an awkward position for a long time.

> Strangely possessive when around his colleagues. Wonder what he‘s so afraid of that he won‘t let them near you at all.

> Punishment includes locking you in his ✨space✨ ( I forgot what it‘s called) making you run from illusions and his monsterform. You only get released when you cried and screamed enough, terrified out of your mind. Scar actually enjoys feeling you shiver in his arms for hours after, knowing he put that fear into you and he can be there for you.

> Now that I wrote it out, he‘s a fucking bully isn‘t he. But you are so cute when you are distraught, scared, or everything at once! How can he help himself when his little sheep learns that they are only save in his arms?

Thanks for asking for my thoughts, ana! Hope this satiated you a bit!! Have a good night ❤️

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace Thank you so much for all your love ❤️. As someone who just entered the fandom and whose native language is not english it means a lot 🤧. Prepare yourselfs though, this is going to get dark.

LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 (You're here) , PART 10

A little more of "Valiant"

Despite Gaius words and Arthur's protests, Merlin starts his duties as Arthur's manservant just a week after been stabbed in the back. Not that he wants to be careless with himself, but the tournament is coming, which means Valiant will arrive soon. And his magic is finally working properly so he needs to be there for Arthur when it happens. Arthur, of course, reduce his duties significtanly so Merlin doesn't do a lot of effort while still recovering from his wound, but he lets him attend him in the tournament, which is all Merlin needs right now.

Merlin: (putting Arthur his armor on perfectly)

Arthur: You're quite good at this (thinking, confused) How weird, he was disastrous at the beginning.

Merlin: Gwen gave me dressing armor classes when I was still in bed and taugh me about your silly tournament etiquette (thinking) Is not a lie, it was very nice of her, but I need to be more careful, I'm not suppossed to be this competent yet.

Arthur: (looks at Merlin intendly and points the collar of his armor) This needs adjustment.

Merlin: Oh, sorry. (adjusts the collar, so his hands are between Arthur's shoulder and neck and his face is close to Arthur's)

Arthur: Now is too tight, lose it a bit.

Merlin: (nervous due to the closeness and the intensity of Arthur's eyes) Like... like this?

Arthur: (smiles mischievously) Just like that (points the cape with his head) The cape.

Merlin: The cape! Right, the cape. (goes to get the cape and begins to put it on quickly)

Arthur: There's no rush, Merlin. Take your time.

Merlin: (gets lost in Arthur's eyes as he finishes to put the cape on, thinking) What... what is happening? 😳😳 (snaps out of it) Your sword! I almost forgot your sword!(goes to get the sword)

Arthur: (sighs, thinking) Damn Guinevere and her extra classes.

Time skip. As expected, Valiant's snakes are exposed and Arthur kills them and gets Valiant arrested. Since they didn't try to expose him before, Valiant didn't have the need to send his snakes to kill Sir Ewan. So he is alive to be at the trial as a witness too. Before he can be burned at the stake though he's found death in his cell. Apparently he killed himself with a hidden knife.

Uther: Such a coward. "Valiant" was to big of a name for someone like him.

Arthur: Totally.

Uther: But I'm curious. How did you know the shield was echanted?

Arthur: I didn't know.

Uther: Really? Because you didn't seem surprise when the snakes came out of the shield. In fact, it seemed you were prepared for it.

Arthur: I didn't know for sure, but I had my suspicions. He was a knight, I couldn't well accuse him without being sure, much less without proof. Don't you think, father?

Uther: (thinks for a moment) You're right. Well done Arthur. After the display you did at the feast for that boy and then asking me to make him your servant I got a little worried. But I must say that, despite that slip in your behaviour, you've been acting more mature and with more wisdom. Almost like-

Arthur: A king?

Uther: (frowns) I think is too soon to say that. Let's say like a proper heir to the throne. You're dismissed.

Arthur: (starts leaving, but turns around) Father... I need to tell you something... about my nightmares.

Uther: Is this something like Morgana's? You need Gaius to prescribe you her concoctions?

Arthur: No, I don't think is the same. I'm not sure they're actually nightmares, really. I... I saw my mother.

Uther: What?!

Arthur: I don't think is really her, I never saw her. But she's beautiful there, blond hair, blue eyes like mine, and she had the most tender smile. (smiles sadly) She always tells me that she loves me and she would've given her life for me all over again (sombers his expression) But then she tells me the most horrendous things. Like you used magic to get her pregnant and that you were reponsable for her death.

Uther: ...

Arthur: But that's not true, right? It can't be true. You would never do something like that and then lie about it, wouldn't you?

Uther: (forcing a smile) Of course not, I loved your mother with my life. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish that she was still alive. I could never have done anything to hurt her, much less with something as corrupted as magic.

Arthur: (thinking) Not knownly, not on purpose, now I understand that.(smiles and says) I can see it. You would do anything to get her back.

Uther: Exactly. Don't pay attention to those nightmares. If it keeps going I'll tell Gaius to prescribe you something.

Arthur: Thank you, father. I'm sorry for bothering you with this. It's just... Sometimes I wish I had met her. Just once.

Uther: (smiles, sadly) Me too, son. Me too.

Time skip. Arthur goes to see the dragon under the castle.

Kilgharrah: The Once and Future King. What a surprise.

Arthur: Don't give me that shit. It won't work on me.

Kilgharrah: (analysing Arthur) What is this? Your body is young but your mind is old. I don't know what you did, but magic must be involved.

Arthur: I just came to tell you two things. One, leave Merlin alone. I know you want to manipulate him into setting you free so you can get your revenge on my father.

Kilgharrah: He hasn't been answering my calls. But still, why would I listen to a Pendragon?

Arthur: Because I know were the last dragon egg is.

Kilgaharrah: (surprised) There's a dragon egg?

Arthur: For now it's safe. But I won't tell you where it is if you desobey me.

Kilgharrah: What use is this information for me if I'm still trap here?

Arthur: That's the second thing. I need three dragon scales. If you give them to me, I promise to set you free.

Kilgharrah: Why should I believe your word? You just told me you don't want Merlin to set me free.

Arthur: No, I told you I didn't want you to mess with his head just to get what you want. I know he'll come eventually. Just help him with whatever he needs.

Kilgharrah: Lets say I believe you. You expect me to not take my revenge once I'm free?

Arthur: In fact, I'm counting on it.

Kilgahrrah: ... I don't think I follow.

Arthur: You're not wrong. Magic was involved for me to be here. Twice, if you count the way I was born. Three dragon scales, the blood of 300 hundred man and the corpse of a king were needed for me to arrive, but I need to do the same sacrifice to stay.

Kilgharrah: (in realization) The forbidden ritual of the ancient Kings. Interesting.

Arthur: Do we have a deal?

Kilgharrah: It depends. Which king are you planning to sacrifice?

Arthur: I think you already know.

Kilgharrah: (smiles evilly) Very well, anything else you want to ask me?

Arthur: (with a lump in his throat) When I... when you're finally free... Avoid women and children as much as you can, please. And don't just kill left and right. I just need... (cuts himself)

Kilgharrah: 300 hundred deaths. I get it.

Arthur: (pauses) No... 299.

...

I WARNED YOU! It was kind of planned from the beginning. But I want to read you. Do you think it makes sense for Arthur to turn out like this? 👀

[keelt9]

Paper 1

Masterlist

The first time Max saw her, she was sitting with her legs crossed in front of an old clockmaker's workshop writing in red paper as the snow kept falling slowly all over the small town. 

Max’s family had the tradition of going to Benasque, in Spain, every Christmas and New Year, keeping far away from the busy world of racing and enjoying some time with family.

“What are you doing?” Max approaches the girl who didn’t bother to lift her eyes from her paper as she writes like her lifes depends on it.

“Writing.” Max bluffs rolling his eyes, but he insisted.

“Kinda obvious, what are you writing?” He tilted his head trying to read whatever she’s writing. 

This time the girl with a red beanie lifted her face, rubbing her hands trying to get rid of the cold. “A Christmas wish.”

“For?” Max couldn't avoided, she had something that triggered his curiosity. 

“For?!” Like Max just asked the most terrorist question, the girl sits properly and points to the big Santa Claus in front of the clockmaker's workshop, next to a red mailbox. “Kind of obvious too.” 

“Really?” Max looked at her like he was observing the most outrageous person. “He’s n…”

The girl stood flooding his paper and got his pen on her big red cape. “Are you a Grinch or something like that?”

Max laughs purely following the girl who carefully walked waiting for the cars stopped to cross the street. “It’s an old clockmaker's workshop with an old mailbox, what makes you think that could even work?”

The girl opened the mailbox where, to his surprise, had a considerable amount of papers and letters, the girl looked at him with a self-sufficient smile.

“You’re kind of sourpuss for having what 6 year olds, maybe 7?” Max opened his mouth in total disbelief, who the hell was this girl.

“6 and half.” The girl nods, walking back to the bench unconsciously making space for him to sit.

Max sat next to her. “Now what?” 

The girl laid back her head with a smile but didn’t look at him. “Well, I like to sit here and watch, from time to time you find interesting people who actually believe in Christmas magic.”

“I don’t say I don’t believe, it’s just I have my reserves.” Max stretches his neck and relaxes his body. “Let’s see if you have the right.”

For 4 hours they waited outside as they were covered in white and their faces turned red, spoke about every little thing like they were friends of life, and one more time the mysterious girl confirmed her theory. They saw little kids walking along their parents, teenagers who observed side to side of the street fearing someone could catch them doing something wrong, adults that simply stood longer like if closing the mailbox means as prayer and old people that after came across the street and gave them a small candy or coins for they bought something nice for these holidays.

When the few sunlights started to disappear, the girl stood and waved her hand to the other side of the street. 

“Well, Mr. Grinch, it's been a pleasure, I have a lot of fun.” Max felt overwhelmed but happy. “Thanks for joining me.” 

The girl extended her hand which Max gladly accepted and shook. “Oh my God! You’re freezing, you forgot your gloves or something?”

Max didn't forget them, it’s part of his training, resist the cold temperatures, hoping in a few years all these things bring thousands of joys for him and his family.

His lack of response made the little girl narrow her eyes but let it pass. “Put it on the fire as soon as you get home.”

Max chuckled. “Thanks, little elf.” He pointed to his beanie and her red black boots. 

The girl laughs purely nodding her head. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Count me in.” Max walks away but he notices he doesn’t have a name. “What's your name?!” He screamed as the girl kept walking backwards.

“I’ll tell you later!” 

As the years passed, that’s how Max spent every last two weeks of December, before parting ways the 2nd of January, walking around the small town, eating candies and spending hours in front of an old clockmaker's workshop; loving the company of a little girl with a red beanie and black boots. 

Their name never comes and honestly they never needed it. 

The year Max finally joined Red Bull he could barely wait for Christmas holidays to begin, he had big news to share.

But Christmas wasn't nice all the time, that year knowing he could turn in the main driver of Red Bull, his father strictly denied him to move far away from Milton Keynes, he must be there.

Max obedient waited at least for the 23rd of December hopping his father could change his mind, still he hasn't, so in a last attempted he asked to his sister Victoria, that please, at least she went there before New Years Eve searched in front of the old clockmaker's workshop for a girl with a red beanie and black boots, and told her he would go next year.

“Max, how would I know I found the right girl?” Victoria asked as they said goodbye in the airport.

Max shook his head and hugged his sister. “Please, just tell her to wait a little bit.”

The pleading eyes of his brother was all Victoria needed to agree and looked at the Christmas girl.

Unfortunately she didn’t get her goal, her mother and her flight connection delay a couple of hours by the time they arrived to Benasque, it was the first hour of the 4rd of January, even when Victoria went to the old clockmaker's workshop the owner told her the girl came like every year and go, last night.

“A little defeated, she waited for his little friend.” The owner said taking the red mailbox of the entrance. 

Victoria left her number in case the girl came but the owner was cleared, like the snow, she and her family only came that three weeks every year.

The next year Max started to make his own powerful path, fearing he could miss an important moment, he started to write all the special moments in a red notebook, he didn't want to miss any little detail for sharing with his little elf. 

The next year with a victory between his hands, and the support of his mother Max went to Benasque,  just maybe his elf could be already there. 

Until the day before Christmas she didn’t appear in any of the places they used to go. 

The old man came outside of the clockmaker's workshop with a cup of hot chocolate and gave it to him. “It’s weird for me too.”

Max took a sip seeing the marshmallow floating. “She came like always?” 

The old man smiles and nods softly like he could picture the scene of last year, a teenager girl coming in the last hours of Christmas eve with a folded blue paper for leaving in the mailbox.

“She waited a little bit longer that night.” Max felt his heart squeeze. “She waited for a last minute Christmas miracle.”

Max saw the mailbox and took a piece of paper from his notebook, leaving the cup next to him. “Do you have a plan in mind, young boy?”

Max smiled, writing as fast as he could. “Helping the big guy with a miracle.”

Max didn’t notice but the old man has a proud smile and the certainty that this bound is for life. 

With a folded piece of paper Max crossed the street, opened the mailbox and put his wish and understood why the adults years ago closed the lid carefully, fearing that their wish would not come true.

His first championship came and the little elf didn’t, like every year he waited for hours every day as he kept writing in his second notebook, but she didn’t come, and every Christmas Eve he left his same wish on the mailbox.

When his third Championship came he walked the street covered in snow with a backpack, now with 4 notebooks in it. 

However this time, the old man reached him before he even got to see the bench. 

“She’s here!” The old man's face is bright beside the cold wind. 

Max opened his eyes ready to run but he was stopped. “Wait boy. I heard from the woman at the bookstore that she was already here but she hasn’t come…”

“Thanks.” Max didn’t let him finish; he grabbed his arm before running to the bookstore three blocks away.

The woman repeated the same words, she was there, bought a book and left, without saying another word.

Max's blood froze but he had to ask. “Did she look sick?”

“Oh no, she is beautiful and healthy as always, the red cape is switched for a navy blue coat but stunning as always.” The woman smiles remembering how the small girl turned into this beautiful woman. 

“Did she have a ri…” The woman smiles tenderly at Max and grabs his frozen hand.

“Any man or ring with her, boy, she just seems anxious.” Max breaths out feeling his chest doesn’t hurt.

He tried to think where she could be but for years, they spent all their holidays around the town, she could be anywhere.

Following his ritual he took a piece of paper from his notebook with his wish and left it in the mailbox, just this time in the next morning, in the mailbox a blue piece of paper appeared.

“Take it.” The old man said take it out and give it to him. “Maybe it’s your miracle.”

Max with shaking hands and holding carefully, he unfolded the paper.

<Merry Chrisymas Mr. Freeze hands!>

She was there, she definitely was there.

“Are you nuts?!” Daniel said almost choking with his dinner.

Max has a plan in mind, using all his resources for having his wish come true.

“It’s just a few words in the air.” Max rest importance cleaning the corner of his mouth. “Besides it’s on the SIM, isn’t  harmful.”

Daniel rolls his eyes. “Harmful? No, but come on Max! Everything you said in a blink will be on X, instagram, facebook, and other platforms.”

“Exactly! More diffusion, more reach.” Daniel shakes his head knowing trying to change his friend's mind, even if it is useless.

“You already talked with your team? Redline team.” Max didn’t answer, just kept eating. “MAX!”

Max laughs. “I’m planning to do it tonight!”

His team agreed with the strong belief that Max won't get it, not because they didn't want it, just because he's trying to find an old friend with any name and just barely any information that could be used to find someone.

“Ok Max, your turn.” Crane mentioned preparing the next race.

Max feels nervous, he giggles before speaking. “I would love to get some help from all of you.”

The chat immediately went crazy saying they would be glad to help.

“I lost contact with an old friend, so I was hoping you can help me to find that person one more time.” The chat lights on asking for the name or country. “Well, keeping things private I’m only going to tell you, I’m helping Santa Claus just this year.”

Max reads the comment that it’s like finding a fish in the ocean, impossible. “We used to spend Christmas together, in front of an old clockmaker's workshop.” That’s useful information, Crane laughs reading the comment. “So, can you please tell; little elf, I’m giving a hand to the big guy with red costume.”

The moment quickly goes viral, all the people are moved by the fact a triple world wide champion lost an old friend and he’s trying to find it for Christmas. It's so tender.

What wasn't tender was how the season is going, the first races all point to another brilliant season for the team until it isn’t.

Max constant researcher is paused everytime, and by the middle of the year the only useful information he gets is that the team is using this research to make more people know about it. 

But Barcelona took him by surprise.

With another win Max is fully focused on celebrating until before leaving the paddock one of the girls in charge of liaison, runs to get him before he goes.

“MAX!” The girl looks like she's seeing a ghost, pale and with wide open eyes. “You must see this.”

She gives him what a plain sight looks like and an old photo, he takes it as they keep walking until the car.

Finally inside he takes his time, or that's what he planned to do until he notices he doesn't have to, he recognises the girl in the photo.

Standing in front of a big Christmas tree as another girl hugs her looking at the camera, the other girl older and taller, wearing a white cape and black boots is laughing; his little elf is standing there with that beautiful smile, her red cape, black boots and rosy cheeks.

“Where is she?” Max asks, grabbing the seat ready to open the door and go wherever she tells him she is.

“That’s the problem.” She moves her head indicating they're ready to go. “I don’t think she’s here.”

“What?” Max looks through the window in panic as the car keeps moving. 

The girl gives him a piece of paper, as a number on it. “The girl who gave me the photo is the older one, she said the girl in red is her little sister but…” Max notices the hesitation on his teammate.

“But…” The girl turns around to see him in the back seat, as she narrows her eyes, Max is going crazy every second.

“Well, she isn’t that confident you’re looking for her sister at the right moment.” Max didn’t mean to explode, however it’s hard to control his emotions. 

“What the fuck?!” He takes his cap rubbing his face in his hands. “Sorry, sorry, I just… What else did she tell you?”

“Call her, both of you need to talk.” 

Max's mind surrounds for endless questions. Where is she? Did she know he’s looking for her? How is she? Why isn't it the right moment? What the hell has to do her sister in all this? 

Arriving at his hotel room before going to celebrate he dialed the number, concreting a meeting tomorrow in the morning at his hotel. 

“This isn’t true!” Daniel screams so Max could hear him among all the noise. “Come on Max! You’re not that foolish to believe this.”

“It’s the only coherent clue I had!” Max takes a sip of his drink.

“Or maybe it’s the sign for you to give up.” Max looks at him with cold eyes. “It’s been 6 months Max, let’s be real we’re not in a movie.”

Lando finds them on the table. “Are you planning to stay here so I can bring you a cup of tea or have fun?”

Next morning Max wakes up earlier than usual, his mind full and confused with Daniel words and the photo in his hands, when the hour they meet approaches he walks more than 10 times to the door and back to his bed. 

Slowly he remembers when she turned 10 years old, and arrived before him. By the time he got to the bench she had in her lap a cheesecake.

“What is this?” Max pointed as she smiled, taking out a candle making space between them to put the cake. 

“It’s my birthday, well… it was, but I’m making my own wish come true.” She carefully put the candle in the middle of it.

“Weirdo.” Max smiles at the ways she is so excited. “Wishes don't tell unless you don’t want to make it real.”

“Reason why I’m making it real, duh.” The girl lights the candle carefully as crosses her hands, closing her eyes. 

Max immediately starts to sing a happy birthday song softly observing how her smile grows bigger, when it ends the girl blows her candle.

“Now, what was your wish?” Max asked, grabbing the spoon the girl gave him. 

“Spending my birthday with my best friend.” Max froze in the moment a spoon stuck on the small cheesecake and a girl eating like she just said the most casual thing of the world.

Max smiles softly seeing the photo one more time, fuck everybody, he’s follow his little elf steps, making his own wish true.

[emotionally-damaged-carrot]

Carlos x male slut reader

Reader has a habit of fucking the paddock (charles, lando, max, etc.) Now he's got his eyes on Carlos

Addicted

Sorry for the long wait, I got reallly busy and forgot about my tumblr hope you lot can understand. I will try to do the requests I promise, but at my own pace atm. Cause I have to cram a lot of shit. Hope this was good enough for atleast a few days, I will try to release another one in a few days, no promises though. Again, I am so sorry for the very very long wait, anyways, enjoy 🫶🫶.

(the smut kinda felt underwhelming and half assed tbh, I will try to do better next time. Sorry anon for the very long wait, hope you are still alive. 😭😭)

Warning: smut

Heavy breathing and wet noises could be heard as we ravaged each other. My hand on his hair pulling hard and the other on his neck pulling him as close as possible. Our clothes strewn across the floor of his hotel room, our bare skin making contact as he holds me up against the wall. His hands supporting my thighs that's wrapped around his waist. His pants hanging dangerously low, showing of his V-line.

"Didn't kn-"

"Stop talking, Cariño, put that mouth to better use."

He interrupted me as he dropped my legs and harshly pushed me to my knees. His pants and boxers are the only thing keeping in little Carlos, although barely.

"Go on, Cariño."

He said as he looked down at me a hand on my chin to force me to look up at him as his thumb played with my bottom lip and going in my mouth.

"Did Charles and Lando have a go with you already?"

He asked in a soft tone as his thumb pressed down on my tounge. I nodded my head, unable to speak.

He grunted as he removed his thumb from my mouth, his hand now holding tight on my hair. His other hand removed his pants and boxers, his cock hit my face as he removed his boxers. My mouth opened on instinct and chased it trying to suck him off.

"I'm in control here, cariño. You get what I give."

He said as he pulled my hair to prevent me from chasing, causing me to release a whimper.

"Keep your mouth open."

I kept my mouth open as he slowly slid his cock in, the tip already hitting my throat, not even half of his cock inside. He kept pushing in, causing tears to well up in my eyes as I looked up at him, his face containing a malicious smile as he bit his lip.

"Go on boy."

At his command I began to suck him off, deepthroating him. Trying to take in as much of him as possible, spit running down my chin as my teary eyes stayed glued to his face. Admiring my work, watching his muscles flex, watching his mouth open and close releasing tiny groans, grunts and whimpers. Hearing how much pleasure I bring him as he moans my name and sings small praises to me.

"you take it so good huh? Such a good boy."

He praised me as he released grunts of his own, his hips moving forward pushing himself further in my mouth. Tears now flowed freely from my eyes down my cheeks and on the ground. I tried to push his hips to give me a breather but he held me down.

"I'm not yet done, Cariño, just a l-little bit m-more, ngh~"

He stuttered out as I felt his head the back of my throat and release his nectar. The thing I was craving for the whole time, tasting him as he pulled out slowly, dropping some on my tounge as he went. He tasted sweet, he tasted nothing like Charles, or Max or Lando. He tasted even more delicious, I was addicted, addicted him, his body, he face, he hair, his sweat the way he moved, the way he tasted. I couldn't describe it properly, he was my ambrosia, my ecstacy, my addiction.

As he slowly pulled out, I couldn't help but be upset, letting out small whines as I tried to keep him in. Sucking more, not wanting him to leave yet.

"Cariño, t-too much, stop, I can give you more in a bit, after the race."

I whined as he pulled my hair back, I stared at his limp cock, dripping with my saliva.

"that's too, long, I need you now, Carlos. Please."

I said as I begged on my knees, looking up at him with tear stained cheeks and dilated pupils.

"I need you, please, you got me addicted to you, I want you. You taste so good, I need you inside me please. I need you."

I repeated like a broken record as I was drunk on him, his smell, his taste everything about him.

"You always got what you wanted, you need to wait, Cariño."

He said as he tucked himself back in his pants and pulling me up.

"I promise, after the race, I'm all yours."

He said as he kissed me one last time before getting his shirt and putting it on.

"I'll be rougher."

He said as he left the room.

———

Carlos got p1 in the race, I look wt him as he celebrated with his team. After a while they settled down, I walked away towards the garage.

"I'm all yours now, Cariño."

I hear a voice with spanish accent say as someone.

"About time, a little more wait and I would've begging Charles to fuck me."

I felt hands wrap around me from behind tightly.

"be careful what you say, boy."

"or what?"

"or this."

He turned me around, and immediately kiss me, i could feel his hunger for more. His teeth biting my bottom lip as his hand wrapped around my neck from the front and pulled me in, his other hand rested on my hip. He continued ravishing my mouth, his tounge caressing mine as his grip on my neck tightened. I released whines and moans, squirming under his hold.

"I won the race, and I need to celebrate. I'll take a shower first, go to my driver's room and wait."

He said through heavy breaths.

"But I love the way you smell, your musk is making hungry for you. I need you, Carlos, please."

I whined as I pulled myself closer to him, looking up at his eyes as my hand wandered to his cap and removed it, putting it on my head.

"Please, Carlos."

I whined.

"you're so needy."

He said leaning down closer ot my face as his hands now went to my ass, squeezing them kneading them. I gave out little moans and exhales as I bit my lip, we continued staring at each other, our eyes dilated and lust evident.

"I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop, I'm going to make my bitch, I will fuck you 'til you scream out and push me away. I will hold you down and make you take everything I give you, you are mine and mine alone tonight, I will use you, I will make you cry, I will make you feel worthless cause you are nothing but my fuck toy. You understand? I won't be kind on you, I will fuck you 'til you're bruised, I will make you regret ever going after me."

He whispered against my ear as he pulled me closer, I can feel him growing in pants as he bit my ear.

"What makes you think I'll regret going after you?"

"You will pass out and I won't stop."

He said as he carried me, he made his way towards his room as I sucked on his neck.

"stop it, I have an interview tomorrow."

He yanked my hair roughly.

"Only I can mark you, you're mine but I'm not yours, understood?"

I nodded.

"Good boy, now prepare youself."

He threw me on his bed as he began undressing himself, I did the same, we are now looking at each other in only our boxers.

"I said prepare yourself."

He walked closer as I removed my boxers.

"Good boy."

He stopped infront of me.

"Go on, get your price, I'm aching in this boxers."

I immediately yanked down his boxers, his cock hitting me again on the face for a second time.

"You know what's next."

He grabbed my hair roughly and lead me towards his cock, I instinctively opened my mouth as I the head hit my lips.

"Good boy, you're trained, aren't you?"

He said as he held me down, tears now began to form in my eyes.

"on the bed now, face down ass up."

He pulled me away and pushed me towards the bed. I followed his command, arching back and resting my face on the pillow.

"Such a good boy, you don't need lube now, do you? You already suck my cock, it's only 8 inches, you can take it you're a big boy, right?"

He said as he positioned himself behind me and grabbing my hair.

"Now, I'm going to fuck you until I'm satisfied."

He said as he leaned closer to my ear, I felt the tip caressing my hole.

"You can take it, right?"

He whispered as he began to suck and kiss my neck, leaving marks. He pushed in right away, all in. I squirmed under him and screamed, he held me down with the arm on my waist as pushed my facae intot he pillow as he continued to suck on my neck.

"Not yet, cariño, don't make a sound just yet."

He began to fuck me immediately, I squirmed and tried to overpower him as I gasped for air as he moved my face to the side. He fucke dme relentlesly, not stopping a beat as we both began to sweat, the sounds of skin slapping and sloppy kissing could be heard.

"Fuck, you're tight."

He panted against my neck.

"M-more."

I whined.

"what do you say?"

"p-p-please."

I felt him smile as he began going faster and harder, I was starting to lose feeling in my legs. After some time he stopped.

"turn around."

I tried to follow his command but I was weak.

"I'm just getting started."

He said with a smirk as he turned me around, not facing him.

"I want to see that pretty face as I destroy you."

He continued his assault our sweaty bodies rubbing against each other. He wrapped himself around me as he continued, he began to bite my neck noe as I scratched his back, my legs around his waist pulling him in, tryinf to stop him. I moaned and whined as he kept grunting with each thrust, I could hear him panting as he continued, not letting my go or take a break. I soon felt him release inside me, I breath a sigh of relief thinking I could finally get a break as he stopped for a moment.

I felt him laugh as his chest rumbled.

"the night is still young, Cariño."

He said as he continued fucking into me, I could still feel him pumping his cum inside me. I tried to push him away as I was overstimulated as I also released the same time as him. He wrapped himself around me again, I could feel my cum mixing with out sweat as he didn't stop. He kept biting my neck and sucking, my cheeks now stained with tears as his relentless assault did not stop. His back not filled with scratch marks, some bleeding as he hissed in pain as I kept scratching him. One of my hands went to his hair as I pulled his head back, he was panting heavily, he supported his weight with his elbows as he dove in for a kiss. It was rough, painful yet delicious, it was a certain kind of pleasure that was perfect for the situation. He bit my bottom lip until it bled, I could taste blood and so can he as he laughed. His tounge entered my mouth and ravaged it, like a king conquering land.

He pulled back, looking at my droopy eyes.

"remember, what I said, earlier, Cariño."

He panted out.

"I'm not stopping."

He whispered to my ear.

"Please, I-I-I can't."

"You can, and you will, slut."

He slapped my face trying to keep me awake, I could feel him again start pumping his nectar into me, without stopping his actions. I went for gis neck, biting and sucking, tasting his salty sweat. He tried to pull me away from him but I relented.

"I have an interview tomorrow, puta."

He swore as he moaned and grunted, I looked back and looked at his face, sweat dripping down his brows to his chin then to my body.

"Y-you're an animal."

I said as I tried to push him again, the feeling of his cock inside me became overwhelming as I could feel my ass begin to swell. I clenched and u clench around his trying to stopped him but to now use. As the pleasure became too much, I could feel him pump his cum into me one last time as I began to pass out.

"It's been months since I've fucked someone, Cariño."

Was the last thing I heard as I passed out.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 15

Summary: Joel wakes up half naked in bed, foggy of what happened during the middle of the night. When he remembers, it makes Joel learn something about himself that he's not willing to accept just yet. Everyone shares their final day together in New York City and emotions are high when Joel begins to realize that he is confused with what he wants in life in terms of Negan and Y/N.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Elizabeth, Peter, Maggie, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/156789391

Warnings: Swearing, angst, two men sharing some smuttiness on their own, dirty talk, heavy touching, did I mention angst? there is a lot of it, Joel is kind of mean in this (but he's going through things), etc.

Notes: If you have a problem with two men being together, I suggested avoiding the first scene in this chapter. I also want to stress that this is a story where someone is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they are bisexual due to some abusive situations that they experienced when they were younger. That could be triggering to some. This chapter is also VERY VERY LONG. Thanks for those that read the story! I appreciate all of you. I'm also sorry that this was put up so late. I was really busy yesterday and this was long so I needed the time to edit it properly.

Groaning out, Joel felt an overwhelming ache in his head. Burying his face deeper into his pillow, Joel tried to focus on something other than the pain. Everything hurt right now. Attempting to open his eyes, Joel realized that everything was a blur. Forcing his eyes closed, he hissed out and tried to get more comfortable. Every muscle in his body was fatigued. Even though Joel was used to having a very physical job, the last two days had worn him out.

Clinging to the cold sheets beneath him, Joel’s palms curled into a tight fist. Trying to focus, Joel couldn’t even pull together where he was right now. Struggling to open his eyes again, Joel grumbled under his breath and turned his head. Hell, his eyesight was still hazy. Focusing on what happened that led him here made him think about the bar. After he talked to Negan in the alleyway, Joel remembered going back in with Tommy. Truthfully? He drank a lot. Him, Tommy and Negan all seemed to drink extensively last night. People were buying Joel drinks and he wasn’t turning them down. And now he regretted it. Because that hangover was hitting him and it was hitting him hard.

Waiting a few minutes, Joel’s eyelashes fluttered to an open. Even though everything was still fuzzy, he forced himself to keep his eyes open. By the time everything came into focus for him, Joel could see that it was dark. For a moment? He forgot where he was.

Using the strength that he did have, he outstretched his arm to hit at the nightstand that was beside the bed that he was laying in. Amongst the dark, the vibrant red colored lights showed that it was four in the morning. What the fuck happened?

Gazing over his shoulder, Joel lifted his head up from the bed. And really? He didn’t do it very well. His eyes were narrowed and he was still unbelievably tired. Still, his eyes had a hard time focusing until he realized the large glass panel wall that was at the bottom of his bed. It was his room in the apartment that Negan had taken them to. Cussing to himself, Joel dropped his head back into the pillow and adjusted his body.

Starting to come to, Joel grunted when he realized that his lower half was cold. Lifting up just enough, Joel looked down between him and the bed. A slur of curse words fell from his lips when he finally realized he was naked below the waist. The sheets were hanging loosely at the bottom of his bare ass. Swiftly lowering back down to the bed, Joel was afraid to learn more.

Swallowing down hard, he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to remember what the hell happened last night. The last thing he remembered fully? Having Y/N pull him out to dance with her at the bar. Even though he didn’t want to and he could barely stand on his feet. And while he wished like hell that he remembered the conversation, all he knew as that it was a serious one. That was really the last thing he could remember.

The warmth of an arm wrapping around his waist caused his whole body to tense up.

“Oh shit,” Joel stammered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. The weight of another body shifted behind him alerting him to the fact that he wasn’t alone. And that’s when the panic started to set in. Last night? Joel was very, very emotional about things. The alcohol likely didn’t help either.

Fuck, remembering the details of what happened took way too long. Why the fuck was he blanking in that moment?

Small flashes of memories were starting to come back. He remembered Y/N and Negan having to help him back to the apartment. Stumbling through the streets of New York at night. Even though he could barely stand he was singing in the somewhat still busy streets. It had Negan laughing, but something inside of him made him think that Y/N wasn’t too happy with him. Then again, he didn’t think she was happy with Negan either.

Then he remembered being sat down in the kitchen with Negan while Y/N made them coffee. Again, the discussion that all of them had was but a blur. He knew it had something to do with the three of them. But he didn’t remember what it was for or what the outcome of it was. All he knew was that things had been tense after he had almost been caught by Tommy with Negan in that alleyway.

That’s when it hit him.

Looking over his shoulder, Joel let out a strained breath when the small amount of light allowed him to see who was laying beside him. And that was Negan.

Dropping his head back down onto the pillow, Joel tried to recount everything that happened last night. Closing his eyes, he focused hard recalling that he stumbled his way up the stairs. Sat alone to himself in his room for a while. Letting his emotions run wild until Negan came up to his room. Joel had been sitting in one of the chairs by the window when Negan came in and asked to talk. Joel really didn’t give him an answer, he just allowed Negan to do what he wanted.

“I know that I’m probably one of the last people that you want to talk to right now,” Negan had commented, lowering himself down to the corner of Joel’s bed at the bottom. Staring out at Joel, Negan shrugged his shoulders and took a minute to think about what he wanted to say. “I’ve been thinking about this since we’ve talked. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I put you on the spot. And it was wrong. I would have been shitting my fucking pants if I was in your position too. I don’t care how big my sack is. I just didn’t tell you because I was fucking worried you wouldn’t come. Y’know?”

After Negan said that, Joel didn’t respond. Which made Negan nervous and he just continued to ramble continuously about why he did what he did. Explaining that he wanted Joel to be happy. That he wanted Joel to be able to live his dream. It was everything you would want to hear from someone that you trusted. But for some reason? Joel still stayed quiet about everything.

Beside Joel, Negan was also laying face down with his head buried in the pillow. Deep in sleep. It made Joel wonder how long he had been there like that. Taking a quick glance back at the nightstand, Joel’s eyes fell to a bottle of lube that was tipped over on its side. Suddenly his heart started to hammer in his chest. He wanted to blame the alcohol for being so out of it, but at the end of the day he was pretty sure that it was exhaustion that caused it. But now that he was starting to remember what happened with Negan it made him begin to get anxious.

After Negan did his extensive apology, he realized that Joel may have not been in the mood to forgive him so he went to get up. When Negan stood to leave, Joel stood up too. And the next thing he knew he was slamming Negan up against the glass panel window. Demanding a kiss from Negan like he had wanted to do in the alley before Tommy had interrupted them.

“Oh fuck,” Joel rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. Reaching up, he rubbed at his eyes and felt the sheets tugging at his hips. The room felt like it was spinning with his heart rate elevated.

A few hours ago? Joel had sex with Negan. And only Negan.

Licking his lips, Joel reached for the sheets again to pull them up slightly. Underneath, Negan was completely naked only confirming for Joel what had happened. Dropping the sheet back down, Joel swallowed down hard.

Maybe part of him was fired up about everything that happened. Maybe part of him was confused. But one thing he remembered thoroughly now was the kissing. It was hungry. Passionate. Forceful. Both of them fighting for dominance in the moment. He remembered the way that Negan touched him. How good it felt in the moment and how he wanted more of it.

More of it is exactly what he got. It could have been the liquid courage, but there was an eagerness for Joel to get his pants off. To let Negan have him. In ways he never expected to let another man have him.

When he closed his eyes, he could still remember what it felt like. How Negan went above and beyond to make him comfortable. Proving to Joel that Negan knew exactly what he was doing. What Joel expected to hurt actually felt good after getting over the hurdle of being nervous. Negan was meticulous with his fingers helping to prepare Joel and get him ready for what Joel desperately wanted. All the while making sure to keep Joel’s sounds muffled since they were on the second floor which was dangerous in itself.

He remembered allowing Negan to flip him over onto his stomach. How he enjoyed the way it felt when Negan entered him slowly giving Joel time to adjust to the way things felt. He could still hear the sounds of Negan’s muted moans in his ears, the smacks of Negan’s hips up against his ass with every move that their bodies made together. How Negan’s fingers hooked with his and Negan talked him through everything. Then he remembered having to bite his fist to keep himself from making a noise when he experienced his first prostate orgasm.

Wincing out, Joel’s eyes opened when he felt an ache straining at his body. Raising the sheets, he took notice of is semi-erect cock resting at his lower abdomen. Cussing out to himself, he dropped the sheet back down and threw his head into the pillow. Just thinking about it had him getting hard. What the fuck was he thinking?

Gazing over at Negan, Joel outstretched his fingers to touch Negan’s arm having him shift in the bed beside him. Joel’s breathing grew labored remembering that after Negan took Joel, he allowed Joel to have him afterwards. Unlike Negan, Joel was not as careful about things. Actually, he felt kind of bad remembering how he was. Rough. Powerful. Desperately wanting to chase the orgasm that was building up inside of him.

“Fuck, you have to stop,” Joel demanded of himself noticing that his body was getting way too worked up over the memories of what they had done. Everything had Joel’s body on fire, his heart hammering away inside of his chest. How the fuck was he going to explain this? Even to himself? There was no explanation really. Things just happened and he allowed them to happen.

With a loud exhale, Joel noticed that Negan’s long eyelashes started to flutter to an open. A rush of panic flooded Joel’s veins. What the fuck was he supposed to say after everything? This wasn’t a dream. This was very much a reality and Joel knew what they did, they couldn’t take back.  

“Are you okay?” Negan yawned, stretching his body out and getting more relaxed beside Joel. Placing his hand in over the center of Joel’s chest, Negan almost instinctively caressed at the lengths of his abdomen. What sounded like a moan that Joel was desperately trying to bite back on had Negan’s eyes fluttering to an open. “Did you just moan?”

“No,” Joel lied provoking Negan to reached for the sheets to lift them up to see Joel’s rock-solid erection that he was trying so hard not to get. Moving Negan’s wrist, Joel shifted in the bed and slid up into a seated position. Leaning back against the headboard, Joel grabbed the pillow that he had been laying on and covered his groin. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Negan rubbed at his tired eyes, rolling onto his back and licking his lips. “I mean if you want to go again, I’m kind of tired but…”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Joel announced, his voice broken and stammering. Tipping his head to the side, Negan’s hazel eyes narrowed when he began to realize that Joel appeared to be freaking out. “It shouldn’t be happening in the first place.”

“I mean yeah, you might be tired after the last few days, but your dick is like the energizer bunny. Which is fucking crazy because you sell yourself like this old man that can’t keep up with things, but…” Negan chuckled with Joel hushing him. Dramatically shrugging his shoulders, Negan rolled over onto his side with his hand stretching out beneath the sheets. Moaning out, Joel dropped his head back when Negan’s fingers curled around the rigid length of his manhood. Teasing the flesh over Joel’s tip and then back down again. Even though he knew he shouldn’t have, he actually liked the way Negan’s touch felt over his distended flesh. “Don’t feel ashamed of getting an erection. It’s impressive.”

“Yeah, but,” Joel started, licking his lips uneasily as he tipped his head back further against the headboard. Swallowing down hard, Joel felt Negan’s fingers pushing at the bottom of the shirt that he was wearing. When Negan’s mouth surrounded his nipple, Joel bit back the next moan that wanted to follow. With Negan’s tongue circling his nipple it had Joel’s back arching in closer to him. “What we did tonight…”

“Yeah?” Negan slurred, nipping faintly at the skin getting Joel to wince and suck in a large amount of air. “What about it?”

“I don’t know if it was okay,” Joel admitted, forcing himself to look down at Negan who simply just tipped his head back and smirked.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Negan grumbled under his breath having Joel’s abdomen contracting with the way that Negan was touching him.

“Well,” Joel knew he should have been turning Negan away, but he couldn’t help but enjoy how good it all felt. “You’re a man.”

“I’m a what?” Negan chuckled, his nose wrinkling in amusement. Pulling his hand away from Joel’s body had Joel frowning, his hips desperately arching up wanting to experience that touch all over. Lifting the sheets up, Negan looked down at his body and then dramatically gasped. “Holy shit, you’re right. I am a man.”

“It’s not funny Negan,” Joel hushed Negan, waving his hand about in the air. Smacking at the back of Negan’s chest had the lines in Negan’s forehead growing deeper. What sounded like an amused wheeze escaped Negan’s throat and Joel just found himself getting more embarrassed. “I’m straight. I like women. What we did last night.”

“You’re not straight though because straight men don’t want another man to fuck them,” Negan declared, the vein at the side of his neck bulging slightly. “You’re bisexual Joel. And there is nothing wrong with it. I don’t understand why you are having such a hard time coming to terms with that.”

“Because I’m not…I didn’t think…” Joel couldn’t even form the words, dropping his head back again against the headboard. “I’ve only been with women. You’re the first guy I’ve slept with and I’ve never…”

“Had sex with another man. Yeah, you’ve told me. A lot,” Negan stressed to Joel, pulling himself up into a seated position beside Joel on the bed. Gazing over Joel, Negan cleared his throat and shook his head. “Why are you suddenly so worried about things? You’re the one that pushed for this. Are you hurt?”

“No. Well, not really,” Joel answered, his jaw flexing at the idea of what took place. “At least I don’t think so. I ache, but…”

“Which is bound to happen, but if you’re not in a lot of pain that’s good,” Negan was still trying to understand why Joel was so upset. Smirking, Negan lowered back down in the bed and laid down. Reaching up to rub at his eyes, he could hear Joel’s breathing growing louder.

“Are you in pain?” Joel whispered, his southern drawl incredibly deep with how quiet he was being. Repeating Negan’s question was probably stupid, but it was a thought in his mind.

“Hmmm?” Negan dropped his arms down at his side, his head turning on the pillow to stare out at Joel with his big eyes. “No Joel. I’m fine.”

“I was really rough with you,” Joel thought back to what it was like hearing the winces that Negan made with every thrust Joel did at the beginning.

“I’m resilient,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his fingers squeezing tightly around the sheets. Trying to force his eyes open, Negan shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I haven’t had someone pound my ass before Joel. It was your first time, not mine. I helped you prepare me, it was fine. You are the one I’m worried about.”

“Was your first like this?” Joel was very quiet in the way that he asked Negan about his first time. There was a curiosity to know more about Negan with men. Especially since Joel had never experienced things before with another man. Yet it seemed like Negan had multiple times. “Did you hook up with someone like you?”

“No, not at all,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his long abdomen stretching out drawing Joel’s eyes to it. Why was he all of a sudden so keen on watching Negan’s body like this? “I let Lucille peg me. I was always curious. So I let her do it to me. It was strangely thrilling and she got a power kink from it. So it was a success in that way. I think she liked that she took both of my virginities so to speak. Fucking thrilled her.”

“And she didn’t look at you differently after that?” Joel swallowed down hard, scoffing when he realized that he was holding the pillow that he had grabbed earlier in his arms. Moving it back to where it was, Joel noticed that Negan was smirking at him.

“She loved it. It gave her a sense of power,” Negan explained, thinking back on his past with his late wife. “Of course, she wasn’t a man so she had to get used to the whole thing, but the more we did it, the more comfortable it got for us. And the better she got at it. It really turned her on. Lucille was a very dominant woman.”

“And what about your first man?” Joel wondered, his chest tightening when Negan flashed him a big smile. It was obvious all of Joel’s questions were amusing him.

“I don’t know. Lucille and I broke up a few times. So I…experimented? I don’t remember it too well. It was a really long time ago,” Negan claimed, throwing his hand about in the air as he spoke. “You got lucky. You were with someone who knew what he was doing at least and how to take care of you.”

Turning toward Joel, Negan pushed up at the material of Joel’s shirt again leaving small, wet kisses over Joel’s abdomen. Wrapping his fingers back around Joel’s body had his dark eyes coming to a close and it made Negan smile, “You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling good Joel. It’s okay for you to open yourself up to feeling really fucking good.”

“What are we going to do though?” Joel searched for answers, his breathing growing broken while Negan pumped his hand over his length. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel watched Negan’s other hand disappear beneath the sheets where he assumed he was jacking himself off too.

“Get you to come and then sleep?” Negan continued to pepper kisses at the length of Joel’s torso. A moment later Joel was grasping firmly to Negan’s jaw forcing him to tip his head back to meet Joel’s stare.

“With Y/N?” Joel stressed, his facial features showing just how conflicted he was about all of this. Clearly, he enjoyed what Negan was doing, but at the same time he was worried. “I love her. So much.”

“As do I,” Negan commented, his eyebrows furrowing and his head tipping in confusion. “We talked about this last night Joel. Where’s the problem?”

“We cheated,” Joel blurt out, wincing when he dropped his head to watch Negan’s movements under the sheet. An amused rumble escaped Negan’s throat when he turned his head toward Joel’s hand to press a kiss at Joel’s pulse point. “She’s never going to look at me the same when she knows.”

“Who are you talking about?” Negan grunted, his facial expressions making it obvious that he didn’t agree with Joel with the stuff that was spewing out of his mouth. Pulling his hand away from Joel again had Joel whining because he wasn’t ready for Negan to stop touching him. “We talked about this equals things yesterday. The three of us. Being open to being with each other. I’m okay with it. She’s okay with it. You’re just the remaining factor. And I thought by you doing this—it was your answer.”

“I don’t remember that discussion. I remember bits and pieces,” Joel confessed, wishing like hell that he did remember that conversation, but he didn’t. So while this may have comforted Negan? It didn’t exactly comfort Joel. Turning on the bed, Negan adjusted his positioning to give Joel his full attention. “You’re telling me that you’re okay with sharing her?”

“If it makes her happy, that’s all I want,” Negan admitted, his jaw flexing while explaining himself. “Sometimes the healthiest relationship is a poly relationship. When you love two people, you’re able to open yourself up to more. I’m okay with sharing both of you. I don’t see a problem in it. As long as it’s just the three of us?”

“You’re telling me that you’re going to go back to work and tell the people you’re working with that you’re fucking your ex-best friend and her ex-husband? And you think everyone is going to be okay with it?” Joel’s voice almost sounded condescending and it had Negan scoffing. “I don’t believe that Negan.”

“Well that’s unfortunate because I can assure you I don’t give a fuck about what other people think,” Negan asserted, adjusting his body allowing the sheets to pull further at his lap where they were wrinkled in a mess. Joel’s eyes dropped down, his throat going dry at the sight. Right now he should have been focusing on Negan, but his brain was thinking about how Negan barely had that sheet covering him. “People should honestly be jealous because I’m getting to fuck two hot people. And I really don’t care if people judge me for being in a bisexual relationship with another man.”

“I’m not bisexual,” Joel interrupted Negan evoking an eye roll from Negan who shook his head and stood up from the bed. “Negan, I’ve always thought I was attracted to women. I’ve never done this before and…”

“We both know that’s not true,” Negan scoffed lifting his head up to glare at Joel before looking back down to search for something. “You know, it’s completely okay to be fucking bisexual Joel. I’ve always been bisexual. I knew it my whole life. But I did have a preference for women. I’m pretty sure you’re the same exact way.”

“You’ve always been bisexual?” Joel scoffed, pulling himself to the edge of the bed watching Negan look for something. Negan nodded while reaching down to grab his shirt. “Y/N knew this?”

“Of course she did. I told her everything,” Negan repeated what he had already said multiple times to Joel. “I have always been honest with her. And I still am.”

“You said you didn’t tell her what I did,” Joel reminded Negan with a frown, his fears getting the worst of him. Dropping his hand at his side, Negan shook his head. His thick eyebrows bounced up and Joel knew that Negan was irritated.

“I didn’t fucking tell her Joel,” Negan assured him with a sense of annoyance in his tone. There was a visible doubt in Joel’s eyes with the line at the bridge of Joel’s nose becoming more prominent. With the topic of the woman they both loved, Negan threw his hands up in the air and shrugged. “Considering how happy you made her, it wasn’t worth it.”

“But if you told her, she would immediately pick you,” Joel suggested drawing out a long sigh from Negan. This was a conversation that Negan thought they were well over with. “You know I’m right.”

“You’re panicking for no reason,” Negan stammered, brushing his fingers through his messy hair. “Don’t panic. I didn’t tell her anything. I’m not gonna tell her anything. It was the past. What you did will remain in the past. What matters is right now. And right now she wants to move on. I want to move on. If you would get over this…I don’t even know what is going on with you right now, we’d be fucking fine. You could be happy. She could be happy. I could be happy. But instead, you’re fighting this brick wall you keep putting up.”

“Brick wall?” Joel repeated observing Negan looking for something on the floor again. “The hell are you looking for?”

“My pants!” Negan scoffed, causing Joel to gaze over the side of the bed. Beside him laid Negan’s pajama pants that he had come into his room with. Tossing them to Negan, Joel breathed loudly, his eyes watching Negan’s every movement. “I don’t know who you’re trying to fool more. Because right now, I’m pretty sure it’s yourself. You are so used to being fucking miserable that you aren’t allowing yourself the opportunity to be happy. This trio thing? It’s the best option here Joel. You get what you want. With both of us.”

Attempting to put on his pants, Negan winced when Joel moved quickly to shove him firmly against the glass panel again. Placing his hand firmly against Negan’s throat, Joel kept his strength locked in when he lowered his free hand to wrap his fingers around Negan’s semi-erect cock. Angrily their eyes locked when Joel tipped his head to the side, “You’re arrogant.”

“And you’re an idiot,” Negan grumbled, hissing out when the pressure at his neck grew stronger. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes came to a tight close with Joel working to jerk him off. There was a raspy moan that only partially escaped Negan because of the pressure on his neck and it had chills flooding through Joel’s body. Extending out his hand, Negan’s long, slender digits circled around Joel’s shaft. Putting a bit of pressure, he started to caress at Joel’s body matching the tempo that Joel set between them. Keeping up with the same strength, both of them were breathless. “You are a fucking mess.”

“And you need to learn to shut up,” Joel hissed, his forehead pressing forward to rest against Negan’s. With every touch, Joel’s hips bucked up toward Negan wanting to feel and reach that release that had been building up inside of him. Right now he was fighting very hard to stay quiet.

By the time both of them came, Negan’s face had gone red from the pressure of Joel choking him. Releasing his grasp, Joel’s head dropped against Negan’s shoulder and it had Joel panting, “You’re so fucking confusing. Are you straight? Or are you bisexual Joel? Do you want my cock or not?”

Stumbling back toward the bed, Joel dropped down and laid out across the top of it with his breathing loud and broken, “Are you going to tell her about what we did tonight?”

Joel seemed nervous at the idea while Negan took his time to gather his breathing, “Am I not allowed to? You know she’s not gonna have a problem with it.”

“I had a shitfit yesterday,” Joel admitted, licking his lips and looking up at the ceiling. There was a sense of guilt eating away at him with the way things had gone down. “I thought by the three of us hooking up, it meant she would eventually be picking me. That there was still a chance that she would choose me over you. When she told me that wasn’t possible, I got angry. I reckon she’ll be upset that I did this. She’ll think that I did this out of spite.”

“Joel,” Negan scoffed, rolling his eyes when he stumbled over toward the nightstand. Pulling out a few tissues, he worked to clean himself off before tossing the tissue box onto the center of Joel’s chest. “She already thought we fucked in the past. I don’t think she’s gonna care. In fact, I think the only thing that she will be fucking upset about is that she didn’t get to see it.”

“People aren’t going to be accepting of this Negan,” Joel panted, reaching for the tissue box to set them aside. “The children won’t understand. People won’t understand. The town we live in gets into everyone’s business.”

“What’s really the problem here Joel?” Negan started to work his clothes back on, grumbling something under his breath when he got his shirt down over his body. “You’re worried that people are gonna find out you like men, right?”

“I don’t like men,” Joel snapped at Negan, lifting his head up from the bed to stare out at him. There was anger in his eyes when Negan rolled his eyes and laughed once more. “I don’t.”

“You like me. You come fucking buckets when you’re near me. We both know how things were when we were younger,” Negan insisted, throwing the tissues away that he used to clean himself with.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating,” Joel pushed up onto his hands, his chest rising and falling while he watched Negan pacing.

“I’m insinuating that you love Y/N, just like I do. And you want to fuck me, just like I want to fuck you. And maybe more emotions can come from this. When you attempt to trust me more and we can all…” Negan rambled on, getting a glare from Joel and he scoffed. “What do you want to happen here Joel? Do you want her to pick one or the other? Do you want her to be sad? Because as far as I can see. She loves both of us. If she picks you or me solo, she’s going to be upset. Are you really so worried about what people will think about you that you aren’t gonna allow yourself to be happy? Who cares what the people in town think? Given the opportunity y’know most of them would love to suck my cock. They might talk shit, but deep down it’d just be jealousy. And I don’t think Tommy would care.”

“I don’t even know how I feel about you,” Joel declared having Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. Negan’s hands settled at his hips, his jaw flexing while he eyed over Joel. “It’s a lot to process. Going from women to…women and you. It just happened tonight Negan. You can’t expect me to think everything is going to fall into place.”

“Are you like this because of what happened with your dad when we were teenagers?” Negan blurt out getting Joel’s dark eyes to narrow at Negan when he turned to look at him. “Your dad was a Texas man through and through. Okay? I know you came from a religious family. And he freaked out when he found the two of us jerking off together watching what we were, but…”

“Stop, right now,” Joel demanded, standing up from the bed and reaching for his pants to pull them on. “This has nothing to do with my dad. You’re the one that had a shitty father Negan, not me. My dad did the best that he could and even though he wasn’t the best father, I know he meant well. He just wanted to raise me and Tommy right.”

“You’re second guessing everything because of how you feel for me,” Negan could tell by Joel’s breathing that he was angry with Negan bringing up his past. “You think because your dad called you that word that everyone is gonna see you that way, but who cares? Your mom and your dad have been gone a long time Joel. You can be who you are. Who we both know you are. I think your mom would have been okay with it.”

“I said enough,” Joel warned, his finger raising up to point at Negan who uncomfortably licked his lips. “Just because the two of us had sex doesn’t mean that you get to come around assuming things. You’ve been around here, what? A month? And suddenly you think you know everything. Newsflash Negan, you don’t know shit. My family loves you because you’re famous. You give them nice shiny things. My kids would like anyone famous that gave them things. And Tommy? He’s the same way. And Y/N? The reason she is so hooked on you is because you give her what she always wanted me to give her. But she’s still so hooked on me because I’m the love of her fucking life. Not you. I’m her soul mate. Not you. You’re just fun for the time being. Because she always comes back to me. I’ve been here for twenty years. You left. You had every opportunity to come back. But you spend a month with us and you think you can just walk into our lives and determine you know everything? You need to learn to shut your fucking mouth sometimes.”

Smirking, Negan dropped his head down and nodded his head about, “Yes Negan. You are so fucking good with making people feel good. You put on the charm and I reckon you get the pants off anyone. You’ve always been a charming son of a bitch. And that’s why people like you. You’re like a fucking drug. You look at a person and you just…”

“Careful, you might admit you have feelings for me and the gay might start coming out,” Negan warned wincing when Joel moved forward to shove him firmly against the wall. “Are you really having this shit fit because you want Y/N to yourself or is this because you don’t want people to call you gay Joel? Because the anger really comes out in you when I mention having feelings for men.”

“But you’re also poison,” Joel snarled, his voice growing darker when the color drained from Negan’s face. A silence fell between them with Joel shaking his head. “Yeah, you’re fun now. You’re going to be the good guy for as long as you can be. But then the poison is going to seep through. Like it has for every relationship that’s meant something to you.”

For the first time in a long time, Negan was silent, “You can pretend to be the good person for so long until the real you starts slipping through the cracks. The only person that you were ever perfect for was Y/N growing up. And she still picked me over you.”

“I’m sorry your dad was a raging narcissist and a homophobe Joel,” Negan finally shoved Joel away from him after taking it for so long. “Because it made you an asshole. Maybe if you stop keeping that side of him alive inside of you, you might actually allow yourself to be happy for once.”

“And you think you’re going to be the one to make me happy?” Joel scoffed, his eyes narrowing when Negan headed for the door to leave.

“I think if you continue to keep this up, you’re never gonna be happy Joel,” Negan frowned lowering his head down, considering his next comment. “When you finally give yourself the chance to be the person you want to be instead of the person the world forces you to be, I think you’re gonna be a much happier person. And I truly want that for you.”

Giving Negan one final glare, Joel rotated on his heel and went over to the bed to drop down on the side of it again, “You have the world right in front of you Joel. A world full of opportunities. And you’re shutting yourself down from it because you’re afraid of a word that your father called you when you were sixteen. Yeah, I know I’m not your dream here. I’m just an extra added bonus. But you love Y/N, maybe consider her for once instead of yourself. And you may find happiness in that.”

Refusing to lift his head, Joel felt the lump that grew at his throat that continue to stay there regardless of how many times he swallowed, “Goodnight Joel.”

And with that, Negan left his room. A tremoring breath escape his throat when he was finally alone to himself. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel knew that he was being overwhelmed with so many emotions right now that they were too hard to comprehend. And he was going to have to figure out what to do with them. Because as of right now? He had no idea. And that scared him.  

----

Today was another busy day of walking around all of New York City while they tried to fit everything in on their last day. And right now? Joel was alone to himself sitting at the top of the red stairs in the middle of Times Square. Truthfully? This part of New York was hell for him. Everything was busy. There was no doubt about that, but being in the middle of Times Square? It was a once in a lifetime thing. This was not his favorite part of New York City and he never looked forward to coming back. To say he was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Even though this wasn’t on his to-do list, this was a place that the children were eager to come to. They didn’t want to miss the opportunity to be here. Problem was? With it so close to Christmas, people were shopping. And they were last minute shopping. So that meant that people were rude and it was even more trafficked than it would have been on an average day.

Peter had finagled his mother into taking him to get some donuts. Negan and Elizabeth were checking out something that she wanted to see. And Tommy was in the middle of everything taking a shit load of photos with Maria. Eating it all up.

After Negan left his room last night, Joel couldn’t sleep. His mind was running wild and it was hard to get a brain like that to relax. So that meant he had a lot of coffee today to keep him going. But the number one thing Joel noticed this afternoon when he checked his phone? Just how many e-mails he had received that was linked to his business. Part of him didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Maybe he had been hacked or spammed. So that’s when he decided to look into things. Doing a google search on Negan’s name led him to the most recent articles that were written about him. What came up surprised the hell out of Joel. Because of what happened over the last two days, hundreds of articles appeared to be written about Negan.

Where it seemed to have started was after the day they did that piano playing moment at the toy store. Originally, it seemed to just start off as videos that people posted. Joel knew that people had recorded them and taken photos when they were doing it, but he didn’t expect people to post the videos. Nor did he expect them to go viral like they did. Going through the videos, Joel noticed that a lot of people were making comments about him. Some of them were smart ass people who had to make negative comments. Others were talking about how hot both him and Negan were.

But then came the articles that were written. Some of the paparazzi sites were talking about Negan and how they had obviously picked up on the fact that he was dating Y/N. At this point? She was nameless, but Joel figured that wouldn’t last because people had his name. It wouldn’t take long to do a search on him to realize that he was Y/N’s ex-husband.

Even though he knew it was against his better judgement, Joel couldn’t help but keep looking at these things that he found. Reading the articles about how sexy it was that Negan was dating someone that was unknown. People were saying that Negan was a trendsetter because more people should be dating single mothers. And the thing that infuriated him the most? Those stupid assholes who were making comments assuming that Elizabeth and Peter were Negan’s secret children that he had kept hidden until the end of his career. But deep down Joel knew they were just stupid, trash articles that people were creating in order to draw clicks.

After what Negan did last night for Joel? It ended up everywhere as well too. People showing Negan introducing Joel, but also keeping the cameras rolling to record his performance. And because of that people were writing Joel endlessly at that e-mail. His name had gotten out and obviously people had gone searching for him. The internet moved fast. So that meant he was being sent job offers, e-mails that had nothing to do with his work and people just wanting to interview him to talk to him about Negan. It was infuriating to go through and on his phone it was impossible to fix.

For once in Joel’s life, he was getting a ton of attention. It was the one thing that Joel had wanted more than anything growing up, but today? He found it more so annoying than something he wanted.

After his discussion with Negan last night, this was exactly why he didn’t feel comfortable letting the world know that the three of them could potentially be together. The whole world would know. And they would know almost immediately.

There was part of him that wanted to show Y/N all the articles. Let her know that her face was plastered all over the internet and news channels with people speculating on her relationship with Negan. Some people thought she was a hidden lover. Others thought she was a gold digger. Jealous fans were making nasty comments about her in general. Negan was a hot commodity and people were digging their nails into whatever gossip they could get. This was the thing he was never comfortable with when it came to Negan. All the attention that came with being around Negan. It could be good, but there were also incredible amounts of bad.

“You are surrounded by the prettiest things and yet your nose deep in your phone,” Elizabeth’s voice lured Joel into looking up and gazing over at her with a weak smile. Slowly making her way up the steps had Joel lowering his phone into his lap. “Who are you and what have you done with my father who hates cell phones?”

“The prettiest thing in the world is sitting right now next to me,” Joel flashed a cheesy smile as Elizabeth took a seat beside him. Placing her hand over the center of her chest, Elizabeth played it off like she was touched by her father’s comment.

“Oh, that was good dad,” she admitted, her face scrunching up when she let out an amused sound. Patting her father on the chest, she got more comfortable beside him and sighed. “That was real good. Warmed my heart. Real smooth.”

“It was honest Ellie,” Joel swore, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he didn’t want to focus on things like that when he should be spending these moments with his daughter. “Nothing else compares to you.”

“There’s a reason I love you as much as I do,” she slid in closer to Joel having him wrap his arms firmly around her to cuddle in next to her. Where they were at, they were in the middle of all the craziness. With Christmas days away, in the middle of Times Square, it was insanity. Growing up, Joel came to love and embrace the quiet life. Here, things were too damn busy with so many people. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m great,” Joel was quick to respond with Elizabeth pulling back just enough to stare up at him with her dark eyes. Her dimples were visible with the way her eyes narrowed at him. Okay. So that was a lie she no question just picked up on. “What?”

“You’ve been acting weird,” she noted letting her father in on the fact that she wasn’t oblivious to the way that things were. “Especially on this trip. I wish you would be honest with me about things. I know I’m your daughter, but I’m also not far from being an adult. You can talk to me about things.”

“It’s hard for me to acknowledge that you are close to being an adult,” Joel confessed, cringing at the thought of his daughter turning eighteen soon. “I still remember you being a baby, so tiny in my arms. Counting on me to take care of you. It’s hard to think about you being all grown up.”

“You’re being sweet, but changing the subject,” she lowered her head back to Joel’s shoulder to rest her head against it. “We’ve always been really close you know.”

“And I hope we stay that way,” Joel stated with a sigh, his arm loosely hooking around her lower back while he sat with her. “Because I love you, very much.”

“And I love you too,” she assured him with a long sigh. Together they sat in silence until she finally spoke up again. “You’re upset about mom and Negan, right?”

“That’s not really something I should be talking to you about,” Joel admitted, his brow line creasing while considering the question. Although, that probably answered her question without answering it.

“I’m not blind dad. I can see that Negan and mom being together is bothering you,” she pointed out with Joel cuddling her in closer to him with the cool chill that was around them. With them sitting there, it had only just started to snow again and it had Joel huffing out. “And I understand because I always thought you and mom would get back together.”

“Children always want their parents together,” Joel commented and it made Elizabeth scoff. Glancing over at Joel with her eyebrows furrowed made Joel shrug. “They do.”

“Lydia couldn’t wait for her parents to split,” Elizabeth recalled how her friend felt about her own mother. “She couldn’t wait to be with her dad and get away from her mother.”

“Her mother was insane. That’s different,” Joel countered with a grunt remembering the stories that he heard when Lydia moved to town with her father. “I don’t think we are ever going to get back together Ellie, so don’t hold out your hopes for something that may never happen.”

“So you are upset about mom and Negan,” she gathered reaching out to hook her fingers with her father’s. Staring out into the crowd, she couldn’t spot Tommy with Maria nor her mother with Negan and Peter. “Did you tell mom?”

“I think your mom is well aware,” Joel was quiet in the way he said it, being honest but not fully forthcoming. It would be completely inappropriate for him to vent to his teenage daughter about the things he was feeling right now. “I was just too late with things to get back with your mom.”

“So you regret that you two got divorced?” Elizabeth lifted her head to lock eyes with Joel. It looked like he was having conflicting thoughts of what to say or do. So he just nodded his head once and swallowed down hard. That was something Joel had thought about a lot over the last few months. How much he wished he would have just seen someone for help instead of letting his life fall to shit. What he thought he wanted back then was just wrong. And he wished that he had never done it. “I never understood why mom agreed to it.”

“I didn’t allow her the option to say no,” Joel mumbled, his chest aching at the memories of their past. Recently she had stressed to him how the children blamed her for everything and by the children’s comments lately? He realized that Y/N was right. And that was sad because all of this was Joel’s fault. Not hers. “I was going through some things. I was really depressed. I thought it was your mother’s fault and I blamed a lot of things on her. I was just going through a phase and didn’t realize the mistake that I was making.”

“Peter and I were really mad at her for a while,” Elizabeth recalled how they were toward Y/N when their parents first split. “We never understood. When it was the four of us, we were all so happy. And then when night came, we always heard the two of you fighting. Then the night you left…we came to the stairs right before you left. She was sobbing and we heard her scream at you to leave. We always thought it was her fault for not fighting hard enough for you.”

“Your mom fought harder for me than anyone ever did,” Joel reasoned with his daughter, squeezing his fingers tighter around hers. “I was just too blind to see it. I should have seen someone about the depression that I was having, but I confused it with other emotions.”

“Did we really depress you that much?” Elizabeth put the blame on her which had Joel’s heart breaking. “I never really thought it was that bad.”

“It wasn’t you that depressed me Ellie. You and your brother are the only things in this world that I’ve done right,” Joel declared, using his free hand to place it in over his chest. Giving her a weak smile, he squeezed his arm around her to give her a half hug. “I’ve never loved something as much as I love the two of you. I never blamed the two of you for things because you were the only things keeping me here. The things that kept me fighting every single day.”

“You know how much I love you, right?” Elizabeth stammered, evoking a nod from her father.

“I will never turn away hearing it,” Joel insisted glad that he still had this relationship with his daughter because at the end of the day the children meant everything to him. “And I love you so very much. More than anything.”

A grunt escaped Joel followed by a laugh with her arms wrapping around his mid-section to squeeze him close. Appreciating the moment, Joel knew that this would probably be his favorite part of visiting Times Square.

“I wasn’t exactly comfortable with Negan and mom dating at first either,” Elizabeth spilled after releasing him, shifting beside her father to pull her jacket in closer to her body. “It’s kind of weird having your mom dating your celebrity crush that you’ve liked since you were a kid. You two probably should have told me how close mom and him actually were when they were younger. It might have swayed me from liking him as much as I did.”

“I never thought I’d see him again,” Joel grunted with a wrinkle of his nose finding himself still creeped out by the idea that she did have as much of a crush on Negan as she did. “I thought it was innocent. Although, I did tell you for years it was really uncomfortable with you having a crush on a man that was my age.”

This really had to be strange for Elizabeth and it wasn’t something that Joel really thought about. It was an odd place to be put in having your celebrity crush suddenly dating your mother and being around all the time. Then again, if she knew that Negan had slept with both him and Y/N? Well, he could only imagine how she’d feel.

“You don’t still crush on him, do you?” Joel was almost afraid to ask, but he was thankful for the disgusted face that she made.

“It’s kind of creepy thinking about it to be honest with you dad,” she stressed how she felt, waving her free hand about. “I try to forget that I crushed on him as much as I did. He’s cute. He’s nice. And I see why mom likes him, but he gives off such…dad vibes.”

Dad vibes? That wasn’t really the thing that Joel wanted to hear because he was her father. Not Negan. But then again, he was glad that the idea of Negan not being her crush anymore was a plus.

“Negan is really good with us. And he doesn’t look at me like that. It’s like he already stepped into the role of stepdad and he’s…he’s good at it,” Elizabeth continued which only further boiled Joel’s blood at the thought. “I think I was more attracted to the idea of Negan than actually him. Because now when I look at him, he’s more like a soft teddy bear than what I pictured.”

“What did you picture?” Joel wondered, his eyebrow arching in curiosity with the way that his daughter’s face reddened over.

“I don’t think I want to talk about that. Let’s just say that I’ve had to burn a lot of memories, thoughts and feelings in this brain over the last month,” she hissed in an uncomfortable breath, lifting her fingers to point at her temple.

“Dear God,” Joel lowered his head into his other hand and knew this was all so fucking complicated. Of course almost everyone in his family had to be attracted to Negan. This wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault. Being attracted to Negan ran in her blood. “He is charming.”

“Sorry?” she spoke with a smirk having Joel lift his head to gaze out at her. Maybe that was bad to say out loud. No, that wasn’t a maybe. That was bad. His thoughts on Negan should have been kept to himself. “You think he’s charming? I thought you hated him.”

“I do, but I don’t,” Joel didn’t know how to explain it to her. Hell, he didn’t even know how he felt about Negan. There was a side of him that hated Negan with every part of him. But then there was that side that fought so hard to come out that felt something very strong for Negan that he couldn’t explain. And that’s the side of him that confused him the most. But that wasn’t something he was going to tell Elizabeth. “It’s complicated. And I don’t think I should say much more than that.”

“I think you should talk to mom,” Elizabeth brought back their previous conversation having Joel’s jaw flex in frustration. What his children didn’t know was just how hard Joel was really trying to get back with their mother and how many times he had been turned down. “It might not be too late for something between you two.”

“I’ve talked to your mom,” Joel responded with a frown, shaking his head when he spoke. “She knows how I feel, but you see the way she looks at Negan. She’s happy. He makes her happy. The slate is clean with Negan.”

“I…” she started, stopping when Joel looked to her with his saddened brown eyes. Resting her head against his shoulder again had Joel resting his head on top of hers. “I’m sorry.”

Even Elizabeth in that moment could agree that he wasn’t wrong about Negan and Y/N’s relationship with him. He wished he could have moved faster. That he could have done something. But there was nothing that could be done.

At the bottom of the steps, it was then that Joel noticed that Y/N was taking photos of him and Elizabeth together, “Speak of your mother…”

“What?” she lifted her head to see that her mom was standing at the bottom corner of the steps taking photos of them. Rolling her eyes, she looked to Joel and there was a smirk over her young features. “She’s making use of that camera of hers after all these years.”

Getting up from where they were seated, Joel helped Elizabeth move down the steps making sure that she wouldn’t slip. Once they were back on the ground, Elizabeth went to her mother to give her a big hug. Joel was slow walking over to them.

“Where’s Negan?” Joel looked around noticing that neither Peter nor Negan were around.

“A few people stopped him back there somewhere and Peter offered to take their photos for them,” she waved her fingers back behind her with Joel rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Why did that not surprise him? Of course people were jumping on Negan and Negan was going to eat up that attention. “You two looked cute up there.”

“Hey!” a voice boasted causing them to jump only to notice that it was Peter running up to them. “We’re going to go the Hershey’s store!”

“That’s exactly what you need. More sugar,” Joel teased his son, reaching out to stroke his fingers throughout his messy hair. “Didn’t you just eat a donut?”

“I did, but I counter you this,” Peter held his finger up in the air dramatically, his dimples much more visible now that he was being silly with his dad. “I need some for when we go home. A stash if you will.”

“Oh, I see,” Joel snorted noticing that Negan was headed back to be with them. Instead of looking at Negan, Joel hooked his arm around Peter and grumbled something to himself. “Where’s Tommy?”

“I think he said he would call me when they were headed back here. Him and Maria wanted to walk around on their own,” Y/N answered him tipping her head back to press a quit kiss over Negan’s lips when he returned. With a nod of her head, she motioned all of them toward the Hershey’s store with Joel walking with Peter.

Since they had been with Negan, Joel was extremely paranoid. After discovering those articles, videos and photos Joel couldn’t stop thinking about them. There were so many cameras in Times Square but a lot of the time he thought he’d see people taking photos of them. Which annoyed the hell out of him. There were probably those that were taking photos of Negan, but his family being in those photos? That really didn’t work well with him.

Inside the store, Peter made immediately for the shakes area interested in getting one. Joel pulled Elizabeth with them since he was still kind of protective of her. Joel opted out on getting one for himself because his stomach was just not in it right now.

Looking around while they were waiting for their shakes, Joel noticed Y/N and Negan at the other end of the store whispering to each other. They were smiling and laughing which had Joel’s insides turning. When they started kissing, Joel felt his heart rate quicken inside of his chest. It was then he noticed not too far outside of the window there was someone taking photos of Negan with Y/N.

“Hey, can you watch your brother for a second?” Joel requested, side stepping away from his children. Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best move as a father to do this, but he felt a sense of rage flooding his veins. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”

“Everything alright?” Elizabeth seemed worried with Joel heading toward the entrance of the store.

Instead of answering, he was quick to make his way out. They did have someone following them. It looked like a skeezy paparazzi photographer and it infuriated Joel. Thinking of the best way to do this, Joel pulled his jacket in closer to him and started walking fast. It was a busy place, it would make sense if someone ran into another person in the middle of Times Square.

As the photographer lined up another shot, Joel put his head down using his shoulder to plow into the guy knocking him to the ground hard. Just in time Joel was able to catch the camera. With the man on the ground, Joel took advantage looking through the photos realizing that they had been being followed all morning. With quick hands, Joel managed to get the memory card out of the camera and curled his fingers around it.

“Man, you need to learn to be careful. You could have broken this,” Joel handed the camera back to the guy once he started moving. Keeping his head down, Joel did his best to hide who he was with him heading back into the store. Once he got back inside the store, in the distance he could see that Elizabeth and Peter were seated talking to one another while they had their milkshakes. With a huff, Joel pushed the memory card into his back pocket and felt like his face was on fire. There were photos of his children from what he saw on there and that pissed him off. The guy was lucky all he had done was knocked him over.

Right now, more than anything he needed a moment to calm down which had him catching his breath in one of the aisles in front of a shelf with gigantic chocolate bars. Scoffing, he reached out to pick it up reading that it was five pounds of chocolate.

“I bet you could eat that all in one day with your sweet tooth,” Joel heard a whisper in his ear having his eyebrow arch and he looked back over his shoulder to see that Y/N was smiling big behind him. With a shake of his head, Joel put it back down and turned on his heel toward her. “You’re not going to get it?”

“I only have a sweet tooth when it comes to your food,” Joel declared, pushing his hands into his pockets letting out a long exhale. “People don’t make things like you do.”

“Is that what it is?” she smirked, reaching to straighten out his heavy, brown winter jacket. There was a moment of silence between them with her frowning. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me a little bit today.”

“I have been,” Joel responded with a shrug of his shoulders surprising her with his honesty. After last night Joel was confused. And then finding out all the information he did that was on the internet? It was just hard not to vent about Negan and the negatives that came with being with Negan. “I really wanted to stay away from both you and Negan today.”

“Oh,” she thought about what he said, her face twisting with confusion. He could tell that it upset her. There was color that flooded into her face. “Why? Is this about what happened with Negan last night?”

“Of course he told you,” Joel wasn’t surprised to hear that since Negan did pretty much tell him that he would be telling Y/N everything. Pinching at the bridge of his nose, Joel felt frustrated. He really wished it could have been told to Y/N on his terms. “That’s not the only reason.”

“What’s going on?” she seemed genuinely worried and when she reached for Joel’s hand, he pulled it from her and shook his head. This wasn’t what she was expecting from him. That was for certain. “Talk to me.”

“Not in the middle of the store,” Joel refused, throwing his hand up to bring attention to all the people that were around them. What they needed was to talk. Alone. That’s what they had needed for a very long time, but they hadn’t had the opportunity. “Now really isn’t the time for the two of us to have a full-on discussion about things.”

“Okay,” she didn’t fight him on it because she didn’t want to upset him any further than he clearly already was. Motioning toward the children, Joel left Y/N standing where she was wanting to just focus on spending time with the children right now.

After Joel blew her off, she looked sad, but Joel realized he was probably just reading too much into things. So he avoided it. He spent time with the children. Did what a dad should. Focused on them. They were in Times Square longer than he wanted to be. After their shopping, they walked back to the apartment to drop things off. Then they went walking around again sightseeing.

They stopped in at the St Patrick’s Cathedral which Negan insisted was an absolute must for Joel to see with his contractor background. Y/N and the kids went to sit down, but Joel was uncomfortable so he walked the outskirts looking at the church. Christmas decorations donned the place and Negan was right, this was a stunning location.

“In the summer we should plan a longer trip,” Negan’s whisper pressed in beside him with Joel tensing up. “We can hit up more things. Three days never really feels like enough, does it?”

“You’ll be doing baseball,” Joel reminded Negan who tipped his head from side to side. It sounded like a nice idea, but Joel was a sports fan. He knew the schedule that baseball had. There was no way that Negan would be able to pull that kind of shit off. Unless he didn’t sleep and care to rest. “Hard to make time for things when you’re going to be busy with your job.”

“You guys can come with me when I go to certain cities,” Negan offered, pushing his hands into his pockets with Joel looking around the church. “Spring training is in Fort Myers. It’s about three hours from Orlando. The family can come down and we can all go to Disney World together. I think it would be fun. You’d be surprised how much fun it actually still is even as an adult. It brings out the kid in you and…”

“The kids have school,” Joel scoffed with a shake of his head. Once again Negan was trying way too fucking hard. “They can’t just up and leave whenever they want to.”

“Spring break,” Negan stammered with a weak smile, throwing his right hand up in the air. Somehow, Negan had a response to everything. “Don’t you want to go to the beach? Get some sand between your toes? Have that saltwater touch your skin? We can get you out of all these clothes and get you into a bathing suit…I think you’d look good in a pair of trunks.”

“Enough,” Joel warned Negan who was eyeing Joel over with a smirk. Having Negan so blatantly flirting with him in public felt crazy to Joel. Especially since they were in the middle of a busy church. “How are you even comfortable being anywhere near me right now in…this place? After last night.”

“The church?” Negan snorted, his brow line furrowing with Joel giving him attitude. “What? You think the two of us are going to be set ablaze the moment we step inside of a church? If that was the case, everyone would probably be on fire in here right now.”

“We’re not together Negan,” Joel made it clear for Negan who tipped his head to the side. Even though something happened last night, there were a lot of negative emotions that Joel had toward him. Especially after what he had seen this morning with Negan being in the news and all this attention being brought on him and his family. “I’m not even comfortable with what happened last night. Acting like we’re all one big, happy family that is going to take trips together all the time is just…weird.”

“Why is it weird?” Negan pushed, his eyes narrowing when he stepped in closer to make their conversation quieter. “It’s bad that I want to be close to you and your family?”

Letting out an extended sigh, Joel folded his arms in front of his chest and didn’t even know what to say. Stepping forward, Negan whispered in Joel’s ear so only he could hear, “How are you uncomfortable with last night when you came as much as you did those three times? You’re the one that wanted it. And you sure as hell didn’t sound like you hated it.”

Shoving Negan back had him stumbling over his feet again but managing to catch himself before he fell. It drew some people’s attention, but Negan held his hands up with a simple shrug, “Sorry. I’m a klutz.”

Grabbing Negan by the arm, Joel led him back toward the front of the church. Getting him outside on the steps, Joel pulled him over into the corner so they were alone, “Don’t mention last night again. Last night shouldn’t have fucking happened.”

“You liked last night,” Negan reminded Joel with confusion behind his hazel eyes. “I know it’s hard coming to terms with your sexuality. Especially when you think things are a certain way most of your life and then you…”

“I’m nothing like you,” Joel grabbed a tight hold of Negan’s jacket pressing him against the wall of the church. There was a rush of heat flooding into Joel’s face. For the last few weeks he had been fighting to get Y/N’s attention. To get back with her. And now having feelings for the man that was supposed to be his competition while also still wanting to get back with his ex-wife was throwing him through the ringer. “Do you understand me?”

“Fine, you’re nothing like me,” Negan didn’t know what to say, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. There was still obviously that trouble Joel was having getting used to the idea that he may have feelings for another man. “But pretending you are one way when you’re not is really fucking sad Joel. You gave into what you wanted last night Joel. You shouldn’t feel bad about it. I’m not ashamed of it. And neither should you be. Everyone has done something that people will fucking judge. People fucking suck. They are gonna judge you whether you do what they want or not. Do things that make you fucking happy and feel good. Fuck everyone else.”

“Just…back off for a while Negan,” Joel requested, releasing Negan and shaking his head. Brushing his fingers shakily through his dark hair, Joel felt his heart pounding in his chest and he knew that he had to calm down. “My children don’t need to know that both of their parents are fucking you. You are making it way too obvious in public. And Ellie already feels weird enough that you are fucking her mother.”

“That’s not my intentions,” Negan stammered, his thick eyebrows arching with frustration. “I just care about you. A lot. I care about Y/N and your children.”

“You’re not our family Negan,” Joel reminded Negan having his jaw flexing in upset. It felt like a lot of the time Negan forgot how things were and Joel felt like he had to put Negan in his place. “You abandoned all of us. You could have been family this whole time. You could have been part of everything, but you ran off and you left us behind. Now it’s almost twenty years later and you’re acting like you’ve been here all along. You’re a stranger to this family. And you didn’t have to be like that.”

An array of emotions flooded into Negan’s face and it looked like he was ready to say a whole lot more, but the sound of Peter and Elizabeth calling out to them was heard. Instead they both shut up real fast and followed the children around for what would be their final walk of the night. In the morning they would pack everything back into the car and head home.

When they got back to the apartment, everyone headed upstairs, but Y/N had asked Joel to walk with her and promised they would be back inside soon. They headed over to the Christmas tree at Rockefeller and found a place to sit where they would have some kind of privacy. It irritated Joel because he really didn’t want to be here. If anything, he was just getting angrier about everything.

“This is really beautiful,” she alerted him, pointing toward the tree and enjoying the environment that was around them. It surprised him that was the first thing she said, but she seemed to be really taking it all in. A tense exhale escaped his lips when he felt her hand slipping in with his to hold it. Right now? He didn’t realize that they were at a point where they were back to handholding. “We always talked about coming here, but I think with it being Christmas it was really the best time to come. It’s beautiful. Our town tries, but you can’t really beat the magic of this.”

“I guess,” Joel didn’t know what to say. Again, he wasn’t the biggest fan of Christmas. So for him, this was just an experience for him to have with his family. “It should have been me bringing my family here first though. Not Negan.”

“I think he was just excited,” she made an excuse for the way that Negan was. “You weren’t around at this point, but when Negan was a kid his dad went on a business trip to New York. Brought home this Statue of Liberty bobble head for Negan and always promised that he would take him. And you know that Negan’s dad never really did anything for him and his mom. So that was the thing he always longed for the most growing up. When he heard that we never went, I think he wanted to be different than his dad.”

“Are you trying to say I’m like Negan’s dad?” Joel snarled with her eyes growing big. Shaking her head immediately, she sat forward where she was sitting and Joel could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest. Pulling his hand away from her, Joel realized there was a heat rushing to his face.

“No,” she was strong in the way she stood her ground. “Not at all.”

“You were comparing me to Negan’s dad. I always told our children that we would come here, and we didn’t. Just like Negan’s dad did to him,” Joel stated, his eyebrows showing that he was angry. Color flooded into her features and she was stammering over her words.

“Joel, no. I was just explaining why Negan was eager to bring everyone here. He wanted to do something nice because when he was younger he was denied the chance of coming here when his father came here all the time,” she defended herself, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “I swear to you, I would never compare you with Negan’s dad. You are an incredible father. You never hurt your children the way that Negan’s dad hurt him.”

“You know…” Joel was ready to erupt, but instead he bit down on his bottom lip and grunted out. “Forget it.”

“I’m sorry, I just think we’re all happy to be here,” she reached her hand out to place it in over Joel’s knee to give it a firm squeeze. “You and I wanted to come here for our honeymoon. Then we wanted to do it for an anniversary, but…”

“We were poor,” Joel hissed out, lifting his head to meet her stare. “We didn’t come here for a honeymoon because I was a twenty-year-old doing everything that he could to keep his head above the water. Not wanting to drown his little brother, his wife and his daughter with him. We never had the money to come here Y/N,” Joel seemed to be letting loose on all the things that were deep in his mind. There was so much stress that had been building up inside of him that he was having a hard time keeping it back. “You see, this was the thing about our relationship that always sucked. You were always so focused on the things I wasn’t doing. Instead of the things that I was doing.”

“Where is this coming from?” she seemed genuinely confused, her back straightening with her trying to touch Joel, but he slid further away from her. “Joel?”

“I wasn’t romantic enough for you. I didn’t think out good gifts. I wouldn’t cuddle you at night. I didn’t talk enough to you. I didn’t show you that I loved you. I didn’t do the fucking dishes,” Joel recalled their fights from the few years before they got divorced. “It wasn’t, hey…my husband goes and works his fucking ass off every day to make sure we don’t lose everything.”

“I never doubted the things that you did for us Joel,” she stuttered, visibly distraught with his explosion. Looking around, she made sure that people weren’t paying attention to them and she shook her head. “What’s going on? I thought we were okay. After the talk we had at the bar the other night…”

“What talk at the bar?” Joel snapped, his voice growing more tense. That was when he realized that a lot of what happened that night, Joel had forgotten.

“When we danced. You were really sweet,” she reminded him getting Joel’s expression to soften and she shook her head. “We were talking about you up on stage. How the only thing that kept you from freaking out was me. How I was the thing that grounded you. Kept you from running away. And then you started talking about how good Negan was for both of us. That you thought the best way for us to be together was to have him with us. And when we got home you talked to us at the table about it. Telling Negan how in love you were with me and how you couldn’t give me up. How you didn’t want to fight anymore. But you were still upset with him over the whole singing thing because he put you on the spot.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” Joel snorted, his heart racing at the idea. How was that something that he would even do or suggest? “I was loving and sweet with you at the bar? After I was infuriated with you for deciding that you wouldn’t leave Negan for me?”

“You were,” she insisted, her face showing that she didn’t understand why he was acting out again. “We danced a long time. And you kept singing to me. Saying things…” she paused, her lips parting and he could see that she was upset. “You sounded like the old Joel again.”

“I’m fairly certain that was a dream you had,” Joel stressed, his chest aching at the idea that he couldn’t even remember doing that. Yeah, he remembered dancing with her. But other than that, there wasn’t much he did recall from that night. And when he was at the dinner table? He thought that Y/N was lecturing him. Not that he was making a deal for all three of them to be together. “After today? I know for a fact that I would never think that Negan being added to our relationship would be a good idea.”

“It wasn’t a dream Joel. Why would I lie to you?” she inquired, looking around to make sure that no one was listening in on their discussion. “Negan didn’t believe you at the table either. That’s why I assumed what happened with you and Negan happened. Because you wanted to prove that you were okay with it. You said that I was the happiest you had ever seen me on this trip. That you made me happy and he made me happy. That you just wanted to give it all a try.”

“The person you’re talking about doesn’t even exist,” Joel noted, his hands resting in his lap while he circled his fingers there. “Because I’m ashamed of what I did with Negan. My father would be rolling in his grave that I let another man do that to me. And the people in the town? They would have a field day with this. Have you even looked at the internet the last few days? Our family? You and me? We’re all over it. And it’s not good things Y/N. If you think Negan would be good for us, then you are a fool. Because he’s not. And trust me, whatever may have happened the other night. Whatever I said? None of it was real. The old Joel? You didn’t love the old Joel. You divorced the old Joel.”

“None of it was real?” she countered, her eyes narrowing. A flood of emotions were running through her and Joel went to speak up, but he couldn’t. “But you were so sweet. And…I’m not the one that wanted to divorce you Joel.”

“As you like to remind me,” Joel noted with a roll of his eyes, dropping his head down noticing the way that his body was tremoring.

“Why is it always the same fight with us?” she frowned, biting down on her bottom lip. Considering what to say next, she sighed and felt a chill around her. “This is where I would remind you that when you were with me that the only things you focused on were the things you could never have being with me. The things that I kept you from,” she felt like she was beating the same drum watching Joel’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I thought things were getting better between the two of us…”

“Why? Because you let me have your sloppy seconds in a threesome with Negan?” Joel turned his head, his words coming out sharp. Clearly she thought things were okay because of whatever conversation they had the other night before he slept with Negan. With what he had just said, he could tell that it really surprised her. “Thanks Y/N. I’m glad that I got to share your pussy with your boyfriend. Heaven fucking knows I should feel lucky.”

Something changed in her eyes and she nodded her head slowly, lowering it to look down at the ground, “What did you think was going to happen with the two of us? That I’d be through the fucking roof? That I would go home waving a flag around telling people that I’m in a poly relationship with a woman and a fucking man? Do you really think that I’m that type? You knew what my family was like Y/N. How do you think I would be okay with something like that?”

“I don’t know,” she exhaled, keeping her eyes locked on the Christmas tree. Clearly, she thought this was going to be a sweet moment between the two of them, but he was releasing all of his stresses on her about everything that was going on. So he could see by her body language that she was just shutting down all together again.

“You know if I asked you to be part of a threesome with me and Tess, you would have slapped the shit outta me,” Joel grunted, his jaw flexing when she nodded her head about. There was a rage that had been growing inside of him for days. From the over stimulation of everything to seeing how the news articles were reporting about their family. This was all too much for him and he was finally exploding. “I don’t get to flaunt my girlfriend off in front of you, but you can flaunt your perfect boyfriend off in front of me?”

“You flaunted every chance you got with Tess,” she corrected Joel, her eyes tearing over when she looked to him with anger in her eyes. “Don’t pretend you didn’t. You wanted me to hurt. You fucking hated me when you were with Tess and you wanted me to feel pain. To know that you found someone other than me.”

An angered sound escaped Joel’s lips when he rolled his eyes and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs, “I thought you liked Negan. With the two of you doing what you did last night, it sounded like things were good. The difference between Tess and Negan is that you have always liked Negan. Except when you didn’t. I always thought something happened between you and Negan when we were younger. I knew Negan was a virgin, but the way you looked at him…I don’t know. I always figured that was kind of why you didn’t like me when I liked you. And then when you started getting all handsy with him and the two of you slept together…”

“Please don’t talk about it,” Joel begged, holding his hand out in a pleading manner. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“Why are you upset about this? If you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t have,” she whimpered, the warmth of her tears burning at her eyes. “You never did something unless you wanted to do it Joel. There is nothing wrong with you for being attracted to…” her words came to a halt with Joel glaring out at her behind his angered brown eyes. “There is nothing wrong with it. I get it. Negan has always been very appealing. And I’m okay with all of this.”

“There is something wrong with you for being okay with it,” Joel claimed, his voice growing deeper with disbelief. “You shouldn’t be okay with us doing what we did.”

“I just thought it was the three of us so…” she began and it had Joel laughing in a way that felt like he was belittling her. “I love the both of you. And you seem to feel a certain way about Negan that’s…”

“You don’t love me,” Joel interrupted her, his eyes narrowing at her. Right now he was hurting her and he knew that, but he didn’t’ care in the moment. “You know, he’s not as good of a man as you think he is. Right?”

“I don’t think you nor Negan are bad men. I know who Negan is,” she decided for herself, pulling her coat tighter to her body. “He’s never hidden who he is from me.”

Of course that’s where she was going to go with it. Negan told her everything so that was another thing that could be held over him, “And what he did for you yesterday at the bar, that was really nice of him. You wanted to be a musician so bad and you really haven’t played in front of people since high school. You did amazing.”

“Yeah, Negan is a fucking saint,” Joel mocked, cussing under his breath at the thought of it all. “Do you know that I can’t even read my work e-mails? After the whole piano thing and what happened at the bar, I have so many fucking people contacting me. Wanting to hire me or contact me for some other kind of business opportunities? I have hundreds of e-mails today because of him.”

“That’s a good thing,” she thought aloud, circling her finger around them. “Think of all the opportunities it can open you and the business up to.”

“But you’re missing the whole point,” Joel asserted, throwing his hands up in disbelief. “These aren’t people that are contacting me because I’m good at my job. These are people that are contacting me because I went viral. Our fucking piano dance went viral on social media. So did what happened at the bar. These are people contacting because I’m friends with fucking Negan Smith. It’s not because I’m a good worker where they saw what I was capable of.”

“I’m confused, isn’t this a good thing?” she questioned, her face twisting with trying to understand where he was coming from. “At least you could be able to prove yourself to people with this chance you are being given.”

“Everything I’ve done for myself, I’ve done it on my own,” Joel fumed at the idea of people wanting to hire him just for knowing Negan. “I don’t need Negan coming into my life and making my life suddenly magical. Because then I owe him everything and I don’t want to owe him anything.”

Hearing Joel go off, she didn’t know how to respond to his rant. There were positive things that she could say, but everything seemed to be wrong between them right now.

“You know, Negan has the life that I always fucking wanted,” Joel confessed with a hesitant laugh, shaking his head and squeezing his palms into fists. Even though he didn’t mean for it to happen, he was exploding all of his emotions onto her. “And Negan has shown me what a hypocrite you truly are.”

“What?” she didn’t seem to understand where he was headed.

“You always told me that it didn’t matter that I was normal. That even though I didn’t get to become famous you still loved me. That I was perfect just the way that I was,” Joel reminded her of the things she would often say to him to make him feel better when he’d have depression when they were younger about the things that never came in life. “Yet Negan comes in and he has everything I wanted. He’s rich. He’s giving. People love him. And he can make anything happen with the snap of his fingers. And you are fucking twitterpated. You are obsessed with him. You told me that wasn’t the life you wanted. That wasn’t the kind of person that you wanted, yet you are picking him over me in every way. So either you are a hypocrite or you are a liar. Or maybe you’re both.”

“I don’t see Negan like that,” she swore, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “You know how I felt about Negan when we were younger. He was the most important person in the world to me. My best friend. He was the boy that lived next door to me. He was sweet. He was caring…”

“And you didn’t want him,” Joel interrupted her with a scowl getting her eyes to lock with his again. “You didn’t care about him. You wanted me. I was the one that you wanted. I kiss you once and you’re eager for me to take you back to my bed to have sex with me. You ripped Negan’s heart out of his chest, you stomped on it and you didn’t give a shit. You didn’t care about that poor boy that lived next door. No, you care about him now that he’s perfect. Now that he has so much fucking money.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m a gold digger?” she wondered, her bottom lip trembling with the things that Joel was saying about her.

“No, I don’t think you’re a gold digger. I think you’re enamored by shiny things because you never got to have them in your life,” Joel claimed, stroking his fingers through his messy hair. “Negan offers you the life that we both wanted but couldn’t have. Instead of working for it, Negan can easily hand it to you. You’re happy. You’re off living the glory life with Negan while I’m still at home, fucking alone and miserable. How is that fair?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized with a shuddering breath. “If anything, I can admit this, maybe I’m selfish and greedy. Because I love the both of you. I don’t want you alone Joel. There is half of me that loves him, but the other half is head over heels in love with you.”

Joel looked to her, his brown eyes lacking emotion right now while she tried to explain herself but she was coming up short, “Maybe with you playing last night, you can finally have some of the life that you always wanted that you could never have when you were with me. I thought the three of us together was an option that you were okay with. I thought having both me and Negan would make you happy too. Negan brings out parts of you that I couldn’t even do. Getting you to do that piano thing? You were so happy and you had so much fun. Then getting you up on stage? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you to do that growing up. You love me, but with Negan…”

“There is nothing between Negan and I,” Joel stressed, the muscles in his body locking up when she explained clearly where she was getting that information from. Sitting to himself, Joel hated that he allowed himself to get so comfortable and relaxed with Negan like he did for a while. Liking a man like that, just didn’t seem right. So he swiftly changed the subject. “I bet if I had the life that Negan had, we would still be together,” Joel commented, his muscles flexing with him trying to hold his anger in. “I could have cheated on you and you’d still be with me because at least you’d have those shiny things and we’d be happy.”

“Cheated on me?” she repeated with Joel looking to her with his eyebrows bouncing in the air.

“I’m just making a point,” Joel scoffed, leaning back to brace some of his weight on his hands. “I think you picked me over Negan when we were younger because I was the one with more potential. I was the more popular one. I had the better parents. I had better prospects. Scouts already planning on snatching me up when we were younger. I was the shiny one that you were drawn to. I guess it’s too fucking bad that you picked the wrong one.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I was in love with you Joel. I knew before I was even a pre-teen that you were made for glorious things and that’s why I crushed on you. I thought you were going to make loads of money and that’s exactly what a little girl thinks,” she pressed at the tears over her face hating that Joel was going straight to this. “I knew nothing about you. When you came to that door the first time? I saw you and I fell in love with you immediately. It was love at first sight for me. With your big brown eyes. The dimples where one was more prominent than the other. You were so cute. And then when you were around…”

“I treated you like shit,” Joel reminded her of what he was like when he was a child. “I was miserable. So I treated everyone like shit. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to go back to Texas. But you didn’t take the hint. You wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I couldn’t stand you at first Y/N. The only reason we started hanging out was because you beat the shit out of that kid that was bullying Tommy. I thought then maybe you were worth my time. But even then? I still preferred to be around Negan. You were so desperate to have me like you. And I didn’t. You were a cool girl that everyone liked because you were awesome. But I never liked you like that. You even knew that, that’s why you and Negan hooked up. And I know you used Negan to make me jealous. I just think it’s a little sad that he never realized it. It was cruel. Which is why I have a hard time believing right now that Negan is the man for you. Because the moment I felt anything for you, the moment I gave you attention. You hopped on my dick as fast as you could. I kissed you once, I took you back to my home and you were just begging for me to take your virginity. And I didn’t even have to be romantic. So whatever you’re pulling with Negan right now? You need to let go of it. Because I know I’m your obsession. Not him. It’s always been me. You never loved him. He’s just everything you want me to be so you feel like you have to be with him. He’s too nice to let go. Me? We have history. There is pain. But you know, just as well as I do that your heart? It belongs to me. And you will go through endless amounts of whatever life throws at you because you want to be with me. And you’re hurting the both of us right now because you feel bad. You made Negan think there was something there and there isn’t.”

“I really can’t tell whether you like me or not,” she claimed with a broken breath, her eyes narrowing showing that she was hurt. “Right now, I think you’re upset because you realize that you love me, but you’re attracted to Negan. And that scares you. So you’re taking things out on me. Like you have always done in moments of being upset and not being able to handle things. I’m the only person you can treat like shit because you know I’ll always take it because I love you.”  

“Is that what is going wrong with me?” Joel chuckled, his eyebrows bouncing up when he shook his head slowly. “I’m having a hard time coming to terms with being bisexual so that’s why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling. It can’t possibly be that I’m upset with how things have been?”

“Do you know what the difference between you and Negan is?” she interrupted his thought process.  

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this one,” Joel snickered, his head following her movements when she stood up from where they were seated.

“I broke Negan’s heart and he forgave me,” she acknowledged with a nod of her head, stray tears still falling from her eyes. Broken breaths escaped her throat as she tried to wipe them away. “You keep breaking my heart and I’m supposed to be the one that apologizes for it. You shattered my heart into pieces and I blamed myself. It was my fault. And then you kept breaking my heart, but I apologized to you. Because it had to be my fault. I had to have done something wrong.”

Joel said nothing with her starting to sob before him and she shook her head, “forget it.”

“Hey!” Joel called out to her, stopping her when she went to head back for the apartment. Hooking his fingers around her wrist, Joel pulled her back to him.

“You had four years,” she breathed out, sounding incredibly sad about this whole discussion. “Four years to do the bare minimum and I would have taken you back in a heartbeat because I am so head over heels in love with you.”

There were so many people around them, but in that moment it felt like she was the only person that was there for him.

“I don’t question that Negan loves me,” she whispered, her reddened over eyes staring up at him. “But I can’t tell if you love or hate me Joel.”

Sure, he should have said something, but nothing was coming out, “I have always loved you. When I married you Joel, I never loved something more in my life. You were everything I wanted and more,” she whimpered, her head shaking when she spoke. “You want me to pick you Joel? Give up everything with Negan? Prove to me that you love me. Show me that I’m the person that you want to be with. Convince me that you love me. I will reconsider everything if you prove to me right now that you love me. If giving up Negan is the thing that will bring the old Joel back and we can be happy again, then I’ll do it. Just give me a sign that’s what I have to do. If it’s going to make you happy and it will bring back the man I originally married? Then I will do it in an instant.”

Dropping his hand down at his side, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with his eyes hooked on hers. A breath caught in his throat when she stepped in closer to him. Pressing her hand in over the center of his chest, she tipped up on her toes to faintly brush her lips over his. Letting her kiss him, Joel imagined this was exactly the kind of thing she would have found romantic when they were younger. Kissing in front of the tree, the snow, the moment all together.

What was sad? He believed that. He could tell by the way that she was kissing him that she meant everything that she said. All he had to do was promise her that they could be what they were and she would give up Negan for him. Because that was the time where she was the happiest. He was her happy place. There were no doubts in his mind that if he promised her what she wanted to hear, he could have exactly what he wanted.

But as she kissed him, he thought about the other things that were said before this. How he treated her just being upset about things now. Truthfully? She probably was right. This was his anger about his emotions toward Negan making him feel wrong because of his father. So he was erupting on her. Just now? He treated her fucking terrible. And she was willing to give everything up for him. And then that made him think about how happy Negan seemed to make her. How Negan went above and beyond for everyone. Even though Joel didn’t agree with the whole paparazzi thing and his family being in the limelight, Negan would never hurt her like this. Negan never hurt her like he had. And he’d likely hurt her again. Because Joel was a negative person. Someone who tried hard to be the best version of himself, but he still had a lot of negative thoughts and angry emotions inside of him. And she didn’t deserve to constantly be sad. She deserved to be showed endless amounts of love where she was pampered.

This was everything he wanted, but he knew that he couldn’t take it. And he knew the only way for him to get her to pick Negan completely was to break her heart again. Joel wasn’t good enough for Negan nor Y/N. It just made more sense for him to be alone.

When she pulled her lips from his, he tipped his head back and shook his head, “You’re not the woman I married. I was confused. I thought I loved you, but I don’t…” Joel paused, letting a tremoring breath escape him. It was a lie, but he had to say something to push her away. Right now he could have gotten her to leave Negan in an instant. That was how certain he was after that kiss, but then he couldn’t stop thinking about all the horrible shit he had done to her. How broken he made her. And he realized…she deserved better than him. Even if it was with Negan. “We only got married because you got pregnant with Ellie. Do you really think we would have done that if you didn’t?”

She said nothing. He wasn’t sure if she could. Emotional was an understatement.

“Let’s think like adults for a minute,” Joel began, his throat going dry. “If my parents never died, we would have never gotten married. At home, I was infatuated with you. You were mine. But if I would have went to school, I would have slept with lots of other women. Then you would have gone off to school and started a life of your own. We would have never stayed together.”

Nothing. No words. That shocked him even more.

“Or if we played things out this way. My parents died leaving me to take care of Tommy. I was stuck here. We had sex all the time. You got pregnant. Your parents kicked you out of your home because you refused to get an abortion. I married you because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not because I wanted to get married. Because I was responsible for you now and the baby growing inside of you,” Joel’s voice grew darker when he recounted their past together. What he was doing was selling their life short and making a mockery of it because it was the only sure way that he knew she would go directly to Negan. “If I would have pulled out or spent the extra bucks to get condoms you would have never gotten pregnant. You would have never moved in. You would have gone off to school and you would have abandoned me. We both know the only reason we got married is because of Ellie.”

“I would have abandoned you?” she whispered with Joel nodding. “You were my whole world. I picked you over everything. My whole entire life.”

There was silence only interrupted by the sob that she released, “I’m not the woman that you married? Well, you’re not the man that I married Joel. The Joel that I married was selfless. He showed love. He may have been depressed, but he loved and he loved deeply. You pretending it was something less than that is an absolute lie.”

“You tell yourself whatever makes you feel better,” Joel suggested with a tip of his head. “I don’t love you Y/N. You were a marriage out of guilt. Nothing more. I’ve only been so focused on getting back with you because…”

A shuddering breath fell from her lips with a single nod of her head, holding her hand up to alert him that he needed to stop. In those last few minutes, he broke her heart again and he knew it. Giving Joel a final once over, she headed back toward the apartment building leaving him alone.

Inhaling sharply, there was part of Joel that wondered if he should go after her. Instead, he just let her leave. Going back to where he was sitting with her previously, Joel stayed there for quite some time just waiting. Watching people together. So many people around him were happy. They were with their families, friends, their loved ones and they were swept up in the holiday spirit.

And then there was him.

Getting up from where he was seated, Joel started to walk around knowing that he wasn’t ready to go back to the apartment just yet. Stopping at the bar that Negan took them to last night, Joel considered things and got in line to get in. Maybe he would just take a moment to relish one more time. It was highly unlikely that he would ever come back to this place. He would get wasted and then head back to the apartment.

In the distance, Joel saw a pair of eyes locking on him and he noticed it was the security guard that had pushed him up onto the stage last night. Moving down the line, he wiggled his fingers at Joel to follow him. Thinking things over, Joel realized that he was having a lot of problems with being treated better because of Negan, but right now he was going to take up their offer.

“What were you doing getting in the line Mr. Miller?” the security guard stammered, leading Joel toward the entrance of the club. “You know that you will always be welcome here. Either mention the owners name or if you see me, come to me.”

“That’s…nice,” Joel didn’t know what to say stepping into the bar realizing how many people he just got to pass up in order to get here. Instead of what it was like last night, Joel just headed over to the busy bar and order himself a whiskey. Sitting to himself listening to the sounds of the loud talking and the music booming through the place had him feeling even more lonely than he thought he would feel.

“Mr. Miller,” another voice boomed with an arm wrapping around his shoulders eliciting an uncomfortable breath from Joel. It was the owner of the club and he looked excited to see Joel there. “I thought that was you! We had a lot of broken hearts last night with all the women that were here wishing that they were going home with you, but you left.”

“I’m sure,” Joel managed to snake himself out from underneath the arm of the owner, going back to drink his whiskey.

“What are you doing with this shit?” the owner scoffed, waving his fingers at the bartender to come over. “You get this man the highest quality whiskey we have. And the bill is on me. Get him whatever he wants.”

With an obedient nod, the bartender did just that and Joel huffed. All this because he was friends with Negan?

“Have you come to play for us again tonight?” the man questioned having Joel laugh and shrug his shoulders. “I’m serious. I think the people here would really enjoy it.”

“Why?” Joel was blunt, his eyes narrowing when he turned on the bar stool that he was seated on. “What do you owe Negan?”

“What do I owe Negan?” the man repeated with a wrinkle of his nose. “Nothing. I just like what I heard last night and I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”

“It wasn’t my music and I don’t have a guitar,” Joel pointed out, drinking down the glass of expensive whiskey that he was given letting out a loud hiss when he swallowed.

“No one here sings their original music my friend,” the owner pointed toward the stage where a younger artist was also singing popular music of the time. “You want someone here to steal your music and then claim it as your own? No, I don’t think so.”

Waving for another drink for Joel, the owner sighed loudly and shrugged his shoulders, “I hate the audience that we are drawing lately. You are a different kind of a draw and I like it. We have the same guitar in the back, I’ll get it for you and you can sing some things for us.”

“Did one of your acts not show up?” Joel inquired with a smirk when the owner didn’t respond. With a laugh, Joel pointed at the owner and shook his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“You don’t like having the limelight on you?” the man stammered, eyeballing Joel over when he swallowed down the next glass of whiskey that was before him. “Sing for these people. Sing whatever your heart desires. You’ll be doing me a favor and you get to know what it feels like to have people wanting you. To be the center of attention for the second night in a row…”

“Fine,” Joel grumbled having the man clap his hands together. “I can’t promise I’ll be any better than yesterday. I’m kind of in a shit mood.”

“Angst. That shit sells better than anything,” the man suggested, motioning Joel to wait. “I’ll go get the guitar. When this act is done, you can go up. Just don’t try to run this time. Okay?”

Doing as he was told, Joel listened like a good boy. Got another drink in before he was called to the stage. Tonight, he didn’t have a support system. Y/N wasn’t standing by the stage to let him know that everything would be okay. That regardless of what happened, she would be there to stand by him every step of the way. Today he was alone. The very thing he did to himself.

Starting to strum at the guitar, Joel let the first thing that came to mind fall from his lips.

“I hurt myself today,” Joel sang with an awe from the crowd to those that knew the chord and the lyrics. “To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.”

With this one? It was mixed this time from both men and women that liked it. Last night, most of the audience was women that were enjoying the things that he was singing. They were romance songs. This song? Hurt was about self-destruction.

“The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away. But I remember everything,” Joel continued on, looking toward the place Y/N had been standing the night before. Telling her that he didn’t love her echoed in his mind. Replaying like a moment from a movie. The way she looked at him. The pain she undoubtedly felt. “What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end. And you can have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.”

Misery flooded his veins, but he kept at it. Maybe it made him sound better. But he continued the song. Having a bigger reaction than he did last night by the time he finished it. Several more songs came to him, until he decided he had enough. Right now? He felt empty. And singing what he was just made him feel worse.

Avoiding the crowd of people, Joel went back to the bar and got himself another drink. He regretted doing that. It was stupid and unnecessary. Finishing his drink, Joel slammed the glass down on top of the bar and started to head toward the door.

“You’re leaving so early?” a familiar voice called out to Joel having him stop before he could leave. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel saw the same familiar set of green eyes. “You didn’t even look like you enjoyed that today. And people were sold on it.”

“Maggie,” Joel breathed her name, surprised that she was there. Then he remembered what Negan told him about her. “You’re here again?”

“With a few of my friends too,” she responded, nodding her head back toward a table in the corner. “You’re alone this time?”

“I am,” Joel answered, straightening up his posture when she stepped in closer to him.

“So tell me Joel,” Maggie stepped forward, her hand dipping between them to palm in over the center of Joel’s pants having him let out a sharp exhale. “Is everything bigger in Texas?”

“You tell me,” Joel grunted, his brow line creasing with her pressing in closer to him.

“My friend lives a few blocks from here. There’s three of us,” Maggie alerted Joel with a tip of her head. “What do you think?”

“You’re persistent,” Joel reached for her wrist to pull it from his body with a scoff.

“Tonight I’m willing to share you,” Maggie offered with a shrug of her shoulders. “Wouldn’t you like that? Being pampered by three beautiful women? It looks like you could use it.”

Thinking things over, Joel bit down on his bottom lip and then nodded once, “I’ll be right back.”

Waiting, Joel wondered if he was making a mistake or not. He would have loved something like this when he was younger. Three women willing to pamper his every need. He’d be crazy to turn something like that down.

But then again? He was crazy. Because he just devastated the woman of his dreams because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. She was willing to give herself over completely to him and he hurt her again.

Swiftly stepping aside, Joel was quick to move toward the exit of the building. When he gazed back over his shoulder he saw Maggie returning to where she was with her friends looking for him. That wasn’t what he wanted. And he was a fool for even considering it.

Sneaking out as quickly as he could, Joel was swift to make his way back through the streets of New York. Finding his way back to the apartment building, Joel knew that he needed to tell Y/N how he really felt instead of letting his hurt feelings speak for him. Allowing her to think that he didn’t love her was the worst possible thing he could do tonight. Not having her at the bar tonight made him realize that without her, things weren’t gratifying for him. Even if he did have the life that he always wanted, it wouldn’t make him happy. Because she was the thing that made him happy. Not the spotlight of music. She was his inspiration. The thing that made his heart full. With her there last night, he knew that he had someone there that loved him. Someone that would lift him up if everything failed.

At the apartment, he almost slid across the floor with how fast he was moving when he got through the security to get to the elevator. He couldn’t push the buttons fast enough. She left him crying tonight and that really was the last thing that he wanted.

With the elevator doors opening, Joel ran out into the apartment realizing that the lights were off. Everyone had gone to sleep and no one was up waiting for him. Clearing his throat, he stumbled through the living room and headed for the bedroom that he knew Negan and Y/N were in. He’d just ask to talk to her alone so he could do exactly what she asked of him. Tell her how much he loved her and how nothing felt worth a damn with her not in his life. That was his problem. Life felt empty without her.

Pushing open the door, Joel stopped in his tracks when he saw with the small amount of light that was filtering into the room that her head was buried against the center of Negan’s chest. She had been crying and he knew that by how she looked. Stepping back toward the doorframe, Joel hid himself in the shadows.

Negan had her wrapped up in his arms in a loving manner. Holding her in a way that Joel hadn’t in years. This was the very thing she wanted. The thing that she had begged him for when they were still married. Tenderness. Love. Affection. Everything she wanted from him, she had with Negan.

A shift in breathing alerted Joel that Negan had woken up and instantly he lifted his head to check on Y/N. His fingers brushed over her shoulders and he placed a loving kiss over her head, “I love you. So much.”

That was all he needed to hear to realize that nothing he could do would prove that he was the better option. Negan was everything she wanted, everything she needed that she was lacking with him. There was nothing he could give her because in Negan, Joel saw exactly what it was that Y/N wanted. Pure love.

Backstepping away from the bedroom, Joel felt like a house was crushing him with the weight of the world falling on his shoulders. It hit him then just how much he truly fucked up in life and it hurt. The one person who had always loved him and supported him even at his worst had found someone else. And she deserved so much better than Joel.  

Heading up the stairs, Joel kicked his boots off and headed over toward Elizabeth’s room. Stumbling into the room, Joel laid down on the floor beside her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t take long for Elizabeth to notice he was there with her lifting up and looking over the side of the bed.

“Dad? Are you okay?” Elizabeth reached for his hand, her fingers hooking with his realizing that Joel was crying. “Dad?”

Sliding over in her bed, she pat the bed beside her begging Joel to come lay with her. Getting up on the bed, Joel laid in beside her and Elizabeth held tightly to his hand. Crawling in beside him, she rest her head against the center of Joel’s chest and he cuddled her close.

“It’s going to be okay,” she assured Joel with a worried breath and Joel gave a small nod, nuzzling his nose in over her head.

He hoped so. But he wasn’t sure it would ever be okay again.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[boringsickness]

One thing I can't get out of my mind is Bernard knowing how to play a piano.

His parents always tried to be accepted by a lot of upper classes so they insisted that playing one of those instruments was an absolute requirement. Bernard was forced to learn from age 4 to age 16 where he actually started to ribelle more with his parents.

Even if he doesn't play anymore, he does have the skills still; he even liked it, if only his parents were less oppressive about the topic and perfection and whatever else they wanted from him.

So, one of the first times Bernard was invited to the manor he felt overwhelmed. He was being introduced as Tim's official boyfriend and was about to meet the whole family, he needed to excuse himself for a moment before actually being ready to sit properly down for dinner.

He stumbled into the piano by coincidence and felt the pull towards it. He looked around, making sure not to attract too much attention, before crossing the room and pressing on the keys absently.

He almost forgot what it was like playing it; it always made him feel calm, making all the other things quiet down as if they were listening to the song, too.

Closing his eyes, he played one of his favourite songs by heart. Fingers moving flawlessly, almost as if they were a simple tool to the music itself. He let out a soft breath, head swinging softly.

He didn't even notice the feet stepping inside the room or his own boyfriend leaning on the side of the instrument, a deeply enamoured expression on.

He opened his eyes once the song was finished and took a step back, startled.

"Tim?" But he heard a clap too and turned toward the sound, red colouring his cheeks.

"Mr. Wayne," he cleared his throat, uncomfortable "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stumble here or play. I felt its call? Which is weird, I understand, but I was really nervous and when I'm nervous I say a lot of stuff and my mouth doesn't stop moving."

He closed it, aware of the sudden yap session. He put his head down, stealing a glance to the side where his boyfriend was still looking all mushy at him.

"no need, Bernard. You're very talented."

And Bernard didn't particularly care to member the rest of the night expect, maybe, to the kiss he and Tim shared in that room. Tim leaning on the piano, Bernard fingers stopping at the end of the song and face tilted up from his spot on the chair.

The notes still vibrating and dispensing in the room, the clear and pure love wrapping around them like a bubble .

[kristinhateslife]

Okay so last night I was having an "art style panic"? I guess you could call it that? But I was feeling really bad, so i started drawing other peoples art styles and picking points and peaces out of it!

I did this last night when I was really tired and i used a pen so the drawings may not be how i usually do my drawings haha

Ok so first up we have @emjoyzhos-ej !! I recently just found your account but you have a very cool style!!

•Your skull shape is very unique, very rectangle

•your lines are very sketchy (most people I follow have this trait in their art..)

•when you color it looks like you mayy have rook inspiration from itsxroxannex? Idk i wrote that down, maybe it's not true but I guess i thought that last night

But I love your style! Your art is so cool and I had fun trying to replicate it!

Next we have @milkybnnuy ! Omg so I really like you!! Your art is sooo good

•You draw a lot of fell, so i made the drawing of killer like how you made that one fell killer drawing

•when you color you have a very paintly-style and that's cool!!

•your skull shape reminds me of an egg (i guess thats why i said "egg head" last night)

Up in the top I wrote "I did not replicate your art properly enough," and that's true! Your art is so unique and different from what i usually drew so i had a hard time replicating it! But nonetheless, i had a fun time trying and hope you ain't disappointed lol

Btw- I really like the way you draw your fuzz on hoods!! So satisfying to look at!

And now we go onto @voidzphere !

I've followed you for a while, and you're cool to be around and I like when you post! Though i had a hard time finding the art hidden around, I still was able to replicate it (luckily i chose to draw killer for this haha)

•so I see that you usually draw/post doodles, unless i just didn't scroll down far enough haha (plz tell me if you have drawn something big i wanna see)

•I noticed you have more pointy and thicker lines

•you have a certain way you draw your Skulls, I can't really put a shape or object here to describe it

Even though I couldn't find more drawings, I still tried! I hope you like it, friend, cause u cool

Here is @cherrio-krispz ! I just started following you last night, like seriously I had to search you up just now to figure out who you were cuz I forgot, but when i saw your art I immediately recognized you

•you have a very recognizable style!

•again, i did not replicate well.

•very painty-like when color

•sketchy lines, seems like you don't do line art?

•I like ur skulls, they look like skulls

OMG I'VE BEEN WAITING TO TALK ABOUT YOU. YOU. YOUUU. @somegrumpynerd OMG YOUUUUUU. I REALLY LIKE YOUR ARTTT.

•I LIKE IT

•very cartoonish

• noticable art style

•thick lineart

I LOVE seeing posts when they come out!!! They're really really cool and make me feel so happy when I see them! Keep going because you're so cool!

@spookeri haiiii

You're here tooo

i like ur art :)))))) a LOT . Same as the last guy, I get very excited when you post. Your DTIYS were fun, and yeye... Yeah

•Very flat colors

•flat lines

•cool looking skulls

•you have an "air-brush" shading style (i guess you could call it), which isn't a bad thing! Do what you want to do! But maybe try out cell-shading? Idk you don't have to, but idk i feel like cell-shading fits your art style

Also if you look in the bottom you can see a scratched out drawing, that was my first attempt haha

You can see it in the drawing below

@wyllaztopia !! I like your art :)) you have a very noticeable style and when you post I get excited as well!

•clean lines

•you make skulls longer than how other people make their skulls in this last

•I liked replicating it

Idk what else to say ... Its just all really cool!!

And last but not the worst

My art style!

My art style is

•cool

•easy to draw

•and funny lookin'

What did i learn from this whole thing i did? That everyone has a unique style, that even if they try to change it it still stays theirs and it's still unique

I also found out that everyone, small artists and big artists, has flaws! It's comforting to know that everyone has flaws so I know I'm just learning and getting better everyday

Another thing I got from this is that everyone's styles are always changing and warping. But thats fine! Because everyone's moving and changing, and the worlds always moving and changing!

So, don't be so hard on yourself if you're struggling to draw or find an art style, how you draw is unique to you and you'll like it one day

Just keep drawing everyday and you'll get there.

I suggest doing this challenge, on paper or digital, wether you color it or not, or post ot or not!

It's great to try out.

[scandinavianfairytale]

Filthy

Pairing: Senator Steve Rogers x Assistant Reader

Warnings: This is straight up filth 😅 18+, Rated R 🙈 Smut, including but not limited to: oral, PinV, cheating, power dynamic is askew, age gap...

It was wrong. So wrong. So very wrong. For a number of reasons.

1. He was married.

2. He was significantly older than you. And we're talking about that he could be you father older than you.

3. He was your boss.

You could probably think of other reasons why, but these were the major ones. Yet, it didn't stop you from lusting after the senator. And you tried to distract yourself, mainly with work, but whenever you were alone with him, your knees shook, your core throbbed, and your head felt dizzy.

But you couldn't seduce a married man.

Or maybe you could.

Just not as directly as you would any other men.

In the beginning you were subtle. A button opened there, a skirt too short there. A little moan or gasp sprinkled in between the meetings. A hand lingering too long.

Nothing. There was no reaction from Steve.

So then you resorted to blatant tactics. Before going into his office you changed into the same clothes, just two sizes two small. On a number of occasions you even forgot the bra.

Still nothing. He was driving you insane. After every meeting where you basically offered yourself on a silver plate,.you had to go to the restroom and take the edge off. Your hands felt like cheap alternative to what you were actually after. Even at home, your toys paled in comparison to the fantasies that were playing in your head.

In one last ditch effort, you put on the tightest skirt you had in your wardrobe, a skirt that was more like a second skin than a piece of clothing. Ditching the thong, you entered Senator Rogers office, knees shaking in anticipation of what might happen.

He fucked you that night. Three times. Your head was spinning by the end of the fuck session. You were bent over the table, taken on the floor, on all fours, the couch used for support after your arms gave out and then to properly finish the evening, you got down on your knees and sucked him off.

After that, you were hooked. You were insatiable. How could you not be? The way he looked, sounded, and carried himself was enough to drive a woman insane. Put that together with the best fuck you experienced in your life and you got yourself a proper cock whore.

Steve was preparing his notes for tomorrows speech when a soft knock on the door of his office interrupted his train of thought. Your head poked through the crack and he smiled, motioning you in.

"Why are you still here so late?" Steve asked as he patted the chair next to him, insinuating that you can or should sit.

"Well, there are so many things left to do by tomorrow." You replied as you sat down. Steve picked up his scotch and leaned back in the leather sofa he was sitting in.

"There's always a lot of work to be done. And I know all the necessary things have already been done, so why don't you try again, sweetheart." He smirked.

"I wanted to catch you alone." You bit your bottom lip.

"Oh?" Steve cocked an eyebrow.

"I want to help you. I can see you're stressed and I thought, maybe I could help."

"How do you think you could help me?" You stood up, and you took his hand, guiding it under your skirt. Steve's eyes widened as his hand came into contact with your bare and very wet pussy. Your breathing deepend as his guided hand cupped you, and your tummy tensed in anticipation.

"I think you might be right." Steve smirked as he scanned your face, eyes hodded, lips parted and a little flush in the cheeks.

Beautiful.

"Stand wider. I want to feel you." He commanded, and you obeyed, no questions asked. As soon as your skirt was hiked up, Steve's fingers invaded your slippery hole, making you moan. He started fingering you, and those wet, squelching noises that he loved started coming from you. Plus combining with your pants and moans...music to his ears.

He knew he was bad. Sick, some would even call him. After all, he was MUCH older than you and in a position of power.

But it's not like you were that innocent either. Not when you flaunted your assests just to get a rise out of your boss. You definitely were not innocent when you grabbed his tie, pulling him into a supply closet at the Gala and giving him the best head he's ever had, while his wife was looking for him. And especially not when after just swallowing his cum, you talked to his wife, laighing with her as if you were good friends.

And it's not like he didn’t feel the guilt. His wife was the love of his life. They made a life together. A good life. He still loved her. Steve knew he would always love Peggy. He knows he will never love anyone else, but love and lust are not the same. Missionary sex once a month in the shared bed is not the same as the risky, almost violent, ball busting sex in all positions in all places at all times pf the day or night.

"Senator." You moaned, as you stopped holding back your need and your hips started gyrating against his hand. That. That right there, that was what sealed the deal for him. That was when he realized that while it was a regrettable mistake, he was going to make it again and again. And again.

"Are you gonna cum?" Steve's eyes darkened as he watched your pussy grinding against his hand and knuckles and how your juices oozed out, dripping down his forearms.

"Uh-huh" Your needy voice surprised you. You have never been this needy before.

"Come here." He demanded, his other hand grabbing your hips, steadying them and he blew on your hot pussy, making you throw your head back, screaming in pleasure. Steve smirked before delving next to his fingers, and he started lapping at your juices, savoring the taste like a starved man.

"More. Pleaseee, senator." You begged.

"Call me Steve." He smirked and he stopped everything he was doing, making you keen.

"Steve! Please, don't stop." You uncleanched your eyes, but he could see how much you wanted to roll your eyes in pleasure.

"Better. Now cum, sweetheart, let me taste you, properly."

It took only a few thrusts before you squirted all over his face. He held you in place, saving you from crumpling down on the floor as your knees shook. Steve kissed your pussy, smiling up at you as your breathing started getting back normal.

"Let me take care of you." You whispered as you straddled his hips, opening his trousers and pulling his painfully hard cock out before slowly sinking on him, your overly sensitive pussy, pulsating as it made room for his gritty cock.

"You feel amazing." Steve moaned as he felt your wet walls. You kissed him, pressing your body as close as you could, letting both of you feel the stretch. His hands traveled down to your ass, gripping it tight before he started thrusting up.

"Wait." You stopped him. "You just sit here, I'll do everything."

How could he refuse? How could he say no to you, really?

Sure enough, you got to work, grinding against his pelvis, thrusting your hips up and down, sending shivers and pulses down to your tiptoes. But Steve could not just sit still while you did all the work. He unbuttoned your blouse and pulled down your bra so your breasts spilled out. He realized all your cloths fit you now, as opposed to a few weeks ago.

"Before we started this, did you change your clothes every time before coming to see me?" He asked as he grabbed your jaw, making you look at him.

"Yes." You moaned. "I wanted to give you a preview."

"You certainly don't leave anything to the imagination, you dirty whore." He smirked and slapped your tit. He thought back to that day when this began. You nervously entered his office, bringing him the files he asked for. Just before reaching him, you tripped, and all the papers fell on the floor. He was going to help you, but then he noticed how tight the skirt you were wearing was and how it stuck to your skin, providing a visible outline of your pussy. At that point, he had been trying so hard to resist the temptation, but having this clear of a view of your pussy, he snapped. He bent you over the desk that night.

"Fuck yes." You screamed as his hand went to your clit and pinched it.

"Come on, you said you wanted to take care of me. Do it." Steve taunted. "Try harder."

You started circling your clit, while grinding at his pelvis. He could feel you clenching around him, and he knew you were close. He pinched one of your nipples, rolling it in between his fingers, while his mouth started sucking on the other.

"God, yes. Steve-I-" Your voice broke as you squirted again. You bucked your hips a couple of more times, before you climbed off of him and kneeled in front of his opened legs. His cock was just perfect, a little red, soaking from his precum and your juices and so thick. Your mouth practically watered at the sight of Senator's Rogers dick.

"Fuck." Steve let out as you took him down your throat. You were always eager to give a blowjob. You knew guys usually don't get good head and women in general don't like giving head. But you fucking loved it. There was so much power in this.

You took him whole, until your nose touched his hair base. Staying there, breathing through your nose, you stared at him.

"Fuck." He groaned as he looked at you.

Finally, you started bobbing your head up and down his shaft, the noises both of you were making were egging you on. One of your hands massaged his balls, while the other stroked his perineum, making the man above you shudder and thrust his hips further into your mouth. You smirked with your mouth full of cock. It really was a power move.

"C'mon, stop playing and make me come." Steve groaned in frustration, slapping you face and shoved your head down to the base of his cock, making you choke. You tapped his thigh and he let you go.

"Use my throat." You leaned back on your heels, opening your mouth, inviting him in. Steve stood up and pushed his cock down your throat again. His hands framed your head, and he started thrusting into you.

"God yes." Steve yelled in ecstasy. Your hands went to your pussy. One started playing with your clit while with the other you shoved three fingers in it.

"That's it, play with yourself." He shoved his cock faster and harder into your mouth. Like he was fucking your pussy and it made you so wet. It was the perfect sinful melody that filled the office. As you listened to him pant and groan, you knew he was close. His thrusts became erratic until finally he slammed your head down his cock and kept you there as he emptied his sack. You came at the same time, he shoved you down last time, squirting again.

As he let you go, you opened your mouth, showing him you swallowed every last drop.

Steve zipped up his pants while you sat in your own release, still panting. He brought you tissues to clean yourself up before helping you stand up and giving you a glass of water.

"Do you feel better?" You asked. Steve let out a chuckle.

"I feel much better. I think tomorrow's speech is going to go smoothly." He observed you. "Let me take you home. You shouldn't be driving this exhausted."

You nodded before taking his hand and letting him take you to his car. Steve let the driver know where to go, and he closed the door, waving you off, before returning back to his office and cleaning the mess you created.

------------------------------------

Thank you for reading 🙈

The GIF doesn't belong to me 💙

Yeah...so I have no words other than this is filthy 🙈 I'm not sorry though 🙈