#there's more but videos take up so much space

[cavegirlpoems]

ok so. This is going to be long and pedantic. I've added a read-more link to spare everybody the tedium of my pedantry.

1: you will notice that nic did not actually list 'AD&D 2e' as one of those 'older editions' he was talking about. there are good reasons for this, because it does those things much less than the editions that came before it. AD&D 2e is generally regarded as the point where the game shifted to be more tactical and combat focussed, alongside the rise of Dragonlance-style adventure design which shifted the adventure structure from locations to linear plots.

If AD&D 2e is included in discussions about 'older dnd' - which it often isn't! - it's the outlier, and represents one extreme of what those editions did. In many ways, it's like a missing link between older editions and the direction wotc took the game.

1.1: baldurs gate is not early editions of dnd. It's a modification of 2e. Planescape torment is also not an early edition of dnd. It's also a modification of 2e. Also, crucially, both of these are video games rather than ttrpgs, and working by an entirely different set of constraints. Using them as a point of comparison isn't very useful.

2: here's a b/x character sheet off google images:

there are 16 mechanical details listen on it (class/level, xp, AC, HP, initiative bonus, to-hit bonuses, scores to hit, strength, stats, saves, exploration actions, save bonus vs magic, worn armour, class abilities, gear, weapons & damage, and cash). Of these, only 5 (AC, bonuses to hit, initiative, to-hit scores, weapons) are exclusively combat abilities. HP and saves aren't exclusively combat, they're for danger in general, which combat is only a part of. And this is the most generous way of counting possible; if we count each duplicate seperately (ie each save, to-hit bonus, and activities) it goes from 5 out of 16 to 6 out of 27. So, taking this metric, certainly 1e expects you to engage in combat, but its not taking up anywhere near to the amount of space you claim.

Yes, b/x dnd has more combat than world of darkness, a wildly different game about being a melodramatic goth with angst (wraith even literally gives you an Angst stat to manage). If we compare it to games in the same medieval fantasy adventure milieu - things like runequest or savage worlds - then the amount of combat crunch is entirely average, possibly on the lower side.

3: the actual amount of tactical granularity in early dnd is really quite low. In many, different weapons don't even do different amounts of damage: a dagger deals d6 damage just like a crossbow or claymore. A class like the Fighter doesn't get more tactical combat options in b/x, they just have flat better AC, to-hit and HP. The other big perks of being a fighter are 1) access to a wide range of magic items, including magic swords, which mostly either give you Bigger Numbers or grant you non-combat utility benefits, or 2) the ability to lead soldiers and build a castle at high levels. Combat is streamlined, and most of the granularity is front-loaded into the pre-combat procedures around surprise and so on.

3.1 also, in b/x? every basic-ass goblin is doing d6 damage. Unless you're a fighter or dwarf, you've got a d6 HD at best. You just flat die at 0. Maybe you rolled poorly for your first level. maybe you have 2 HP. A lot of fights are essentially a coin-flip to see if you die, unless you tilt things in your favour before the fight begins.

4: you are correct that 'dungeons' and 'dragons' are both in the name. Let's examine these in more depth:

4.1: The word 'dungeon' comes first, and is where you will spend most of your time in early dnd. The dungeon is not a combat encounter, it's a location to map and explore. Early D&D has extensive rules for mapping, logistics, light, opening doors, dealing with traps, managing hired followers, tracking time, and that sort of thing. If you look at what the game devotes the bulk of its mechanics to for what its about, then early dnd is a game about exploration; the actual mechanics for combat are far more bare-bones. Even when you get to an encounter, between surprise, reaction checks and morale, an encounter is far less likely to be violent than in later editions. Heck, early D&D even has more systems for running away (albeit bare-bones) than later editions.

4.2: Now, lets move onto the other word; 'dragons'. Did you know that every dragon has a listed probability that it's asleep when you find it? This suggests that you're not intended to just fight it; there's a chance you can sneak past it to steal its treasure without fighting it. there's also a chance for each dragon that it talks, which again gives you a chance that a dragon encounter turns into a bilbo-style conversation rather than just a fight. If you do fight it, unless you're very high level, it probably squashes you quite easily. But if it doesn't, there are rules for taming dragons for you to ride, so they're not just there to be killed.

You can certainly expect to encounter a dragon at some point, but that's not actually the same as expecting to have to fight it.

5: yes, dnd is derived from wargames, however it's worth pointing out that the wargames it's derived from are very different from what we see today with things like warhammer. It's reasonable to call them tabletop milsims: they cared about things like logistics, fog-of-war, and so on, and relied heavily on a GM for this; they weren't just combat. This influence is clear in early D&D, which also cares about logistics etc.

5.1 early editions definitely did care if your adventurer died, even if it happened a lot; this is largely what diferentiated them from the wargames that came before. In fact, the use of HP and the od&d 'alternative combat rules' that went on to be adopted - rather than the more brutal chainmail combat system - was specifically to allow PCs to die less.

5.3: early dnd is really not as murder-hobo-ey as the game would later become, because PCs that did that would die quickly, and you wanted to be alive to level up. Combat was less of a focus, had more ways to avoid it, and would kill you more easily, compared to later editions. So, people got into less fights.

Now, I can't claim to know what happened at every table back in the 80s, and neither can anybody else; not even people who were there at the time. But I've read a good chunk of DND adventures from the time, both from TSR and third-party ones in White Dwarf. They featured combat, certainly, but less than in later editions. The focus was on - say it with me now! - dungeon exploration.

ok pedantry over.

One of the funnier manifestations of gleeblor is Pathfinder players: I'll make a post about how D&D will color people's expectations of what RPGs can be like and create a very narrow set of expectations about the medium, and inevitably some Pathfinder player will be like "haha yeah those D&D players should really broaden their horizons, Pathfinder fixes all of their issues," and my friend. I'm sorry to say this but you are not immune to gleeblor and in many regards where it comes to expectations of playstyle created by the game, your favorite game is in fact just another company copying D&D's homework and slightly altering the wording.

[hips-dont-lieculosis]

I’ve decided to try compile my top ten, post hiatus videos, don’t hate me these are just my options, some of them even I don’t understand, this will not include ongoing series so no Tik Tok vids or Phan twitter or poppys playtime because those would take up too much space, so without further ado, for your viewing pleasure, my top ten post hiatus Dan and Phil videos as of today:

#10, the power washing video, not only is it so calming and satisfying to watch but I love how real they are and the fact that Phil leaves to have a bath, he’s so me, I do love when they play a slower game and just have chats in-between game play.

#9 the don’t scream video, this one is so weirdly soothing for me, I think because I’ve seen it so many times that I know when the jump scares are so I just get to enjoy 17 minutes of dan and Phil whispering and holding each others hands, very nice very good

#8 need I say more, it’s fantastic, love seeing that in the absolutely wildest fantasy medieval scenarios they can think of they both include them being happy together and basically dying in each others arms, very cute, it would be higher if it wasn’t sponsored by that weird game but hey, the boys have to pay that phortgage

#7 DATE NIGHT??? Honestly the fact that they call each other their “partner” the entire time and dan calling out Phil for being like “no homo” it feels like they’re edging us with the hard launch, like we KNOW NOW KISS ALREADY, also the murder on the dance floor little jam sesh, yeah… love it

#6 I love them making observations about each other, the roasting is so clever and playful that it’s not super like “are they actually mad at each other? They’re so cute and it’s really feels like a married couple being like “love you but also I’m going to roast your ass”

#5 this one is a bit similar to #7 but I think it’s slightly higher because I think they both look absolutely GORGEOUS, the silk is doing something, and the content is just banging, it’s the origin of “lamp gate” plus dan just getting crunk on amaretto, good for him, I may have slight recency bias though because I just watched this video again

#4 again probs recency bias but this video is so good, lore bombs AND competition AND it’s a dan vs phil, plus they are so funny in this, dans… outburst, hardest I’ve laughed at a dan and phil video in a little bit

#3 the camera angle, hi dads, Dan helping Phil sort out his drink, chivalry, the background is gorg, they are gorg, honestly any of the dragon city sponsored videos are so good, they seem like they’re having fun, very very good video

#2 I LOVE this video, they compliment each other throughout, they’re reminiscing, they’re cringing, dan looks like a grippy sock, and even more lore bombs it’s probably my most watched video from after the hiatus

#1 the light of my life, she is so beautiful, so horny, so funny, the bits in this like the oven being kinky, love they’re so playful and the baking is successful??????? Honestly probably my all time favourite baking video

And that’s that, I know I’ve definitely forgotten a banger video and I’m going to want to change this instantly but for now, here she is, lmk if you agree, what are your top 10?

[bigmacari]

╭────────────────.★..─╮

Amir Beckett x Gen Reader

Romantic Dating Headcanons

Warnings - Mention of Anxiety

╰─..★.────────────────╯

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

☆ Holy lord this man.

Amir Beckett is a very silly character with some deep emotions going around.

As he says in the game, you are the first person he has been with.

You are his first everything AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.

He is willing to give his all to you and his very excited to be your partner.

Amir's love languages are words of affirmations, quality time, and physical touch.

In that order.

☆ This man will compliment you to the moon and back. All the compliments would be in extreme detail too. "I love how your eyes shine like diamonds in the moonlight 🥰" "Your skin is as soft as a baby lamb" LMAO idk some shit like that.

And as you know, he gives you the silliest of nicknames.

Honey bunch, love muffin, baby cakes, snookums, (name) booboo bear, fluffy kins, pumpkin pie, cuddle bug, love nugget, cutie patootie, etc.

I can go on and on, he just never runs out of them.

Amir isn't afraid to compliment you or use corny nicknames in front of the rest of the Hex either. No matter how much they may roll their eyes. I think he just would try extra hard just to annoy them lmao.

☆ Amir loves spending time with you, of course he understands that everyone needs their space though.

No matter what you guys are doing he's happy. Ya'll could just be cuddling and he's over the moon. Though he moves a LOT. Always fidgeting with anything he can get a hold of. You included.

Amir would love playing with your hair, doesn't matter the texture, length, or hairstyle. Amir promises he won't mess up your hair (but sometimes it happens anyways lmao)

Another thing he like to fidget with is your fingers and hands. Especially when you have jewelry on. Oooo let him paint your nails, paint his too!!

Chronic hand holder. Especially if he feels anxious.

Now, if your overwhelmed and don't want him to touch you, he understands. (Can't count how many times that has happened to me)

☆ If you asked him, Amir would totally get in the shower with you. It doesn't have to be anything sensual, it can just be relaxing and wholesome. He'll wash your body and hair, give you a massage, or just kind of hold you and relax.

Wash his hair for sure though, he would love that.

☆ Outside of battle, a lot of time is spent with him is playing video games. Since future isn't familiar with the technology, Amir would have a blast showing you all the video games that he has. Super Smash Bros, Donkey Kong 64, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil 3, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater?? And of course all the arcade games he plays with in the mall.

☆ Before yall go to bed for the night, Amir can be found playing on his game boy for a bit while cuddling you. If he's really into the game, you kinda have to rip it from his hands. Once he actually settles down and tries to sleep, its a whole process.

It takes him a good while to get to sleep. You guys talk for a hit minute while yall cuddle and Amir plays with your hair or gently rubs his hand up and down your back. Even when he's half asleep you can still feel him do it.

When he is finally asleep, the poor thing moves so much. I imagine he can't stay asleep for more than 30 - 45 mins at a time, so he's always tossing and turning. I promise you its the caffeine. Amir's also a huge sleep talker.

It could be about battle, gaming, the hex or you. But he's always mumbling something. You definitely hear a nickname of yours slip out once and a while. Other than that he's not big on snoring. If he does its very light and fades into the background after a while.

Huge cuddler when yall fall asleep but eventually sprawls out and does whatever.

He has nightmares due to stress and anxiety sometimes. I'm not gonna go into huge detail about what I think they are about, but it happens.

☆ As I said earlier, silly character with some deep emotions. Amir does have a panic attack in the game and has mention to had some in the past. So there are times were he will come to you for comfort as you have comforted him in the past.

In the beginning of the relationship, Amir will have some insecurities about not being enough for you. Which leads to reassurance from you. It may take a bit of time, but once he understands that you love him for him, nothing will stop him from treating you the best he can.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Well, here's my two cents and a paper clip. Sorry it's so short, I've been focusing a lot of school lately and its killing me. But I hope you still enjoyed. Warframe is underrated, even so Amir. I need more fanfics on him asap.

[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP Wednesday

Tormenting Jeff a little more… because he did badly and must be punished with 8 years of realising how badly 😉

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

“Nothing you do or say can make this right, Scott.”

He’d buried the image of devastation in those blue eyes with plans and schematics and smothered the sick guilty feeling with rage against his old friend.

“It’s fine as a hobby, Virgil, if you really need a mindless way to waste your time. But your major needs to be something meaningful. Don’t waste that brain of yours - be useful.”

When he’d found his son’s sketchbooks in the compost heap later that week he’d told himself it was nothing to do with their conversation. He was probably just finished with them.

“Don’t touch that, you’ll only mess it up!”

John had known the intricacies of the big telescope better than Jeff himself, Lucy had taught him after all. But when he’d caught his son sneaking into the roof space… the thought her precious instrument might no longer be set the way she had left it had made him feel so sick he’d crushed the enthusiasm of the child most closely following in her footsteps.

“It’s not like it’ll be any different to the last however many meets, Scott. They all swim in straight lines, one of them is slightly quicker, it’s usually Gordon. Just take a video for me. I have more important things to do.”

He’d always pretended to himself that he’d imagined the little sob from the hallway.

“Will someone keep that baby quiet? I’m trying to work!”

‘That baby’, his Lucy’s last gift to him… he’d be unrecognisable now. Probably barely remembered his father. Not that Jeff had been around enough to make a huge impression on his youngest.

Jeff stared out into endless space and wondered if they even missed him… or whether it had been a relief.

The sun didn’t shine here. It twinkled. Just another star. Sol. No brighter than Mars used to be.

It was something to look at. Something to dream about. Something to wish on.

But Sol didn’t provide any light. Jeff didn’t have a sun anymore.

If asked before he’d have said without hesitation it would have been the moon he’d have missed most from the sky. You couldn’t look at the sun. It just obscured the view of the more interesting bits of space.

He’d believed the only sunshine in his life had gone out sixteen long years ago and spent so much time howling into the void she’d left he’d failed to see the equally bright lights shining behind him.

Now all he had was the darkness.

And the hope that one day he could find the sun again and make it right.

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

Inspired by a line in one of @edutainer2022’s pieces about the mess Jeff left behind - the first line here is that line.

[whatdoidosatoru]

boss makes a dollar, i make a dime, that's why i fuck on cumpany time

sam (stardew valley)/fem!reader | ao3 sneaking into joja warehouse to be with sam during his break… need i say more? wc: 2.2k cw: joja mart, vaginal sex, multiple orgasms (sam), praise kink, semi-public sex, creampie 18+ MDNI

the joja mart warehouse hasn’t always been a mess. sam always says there was a week when everything was in its place, and then he got hired so naturally all hell broke loose.

there’s a speaker in the far corner of the large room. static spills from it alongside some corny overplayed pop song, but sam’s mood can't be ruined by something as trivial. no, he's nursing a fat boner, has been since you sent him a sneaky selfie as you were getting dressed, not showing your face, but instead a delicious view of your cute bra and a very tasty underboob.

he’s counting down seconds until he can go on his lunch break, especially since you are supposed to join him. he will let you in through the staff entrance, just like many times before, and sneak you into the warehouse.

there's a nice, cozy space between two old shelving units where sam used to sit and read comic books, then sit and eat lunch, and then sit and jerk off to photos and videos you'd sent him, all starring your plump tits, your bouncy ass, those sweet, sweet wet folds that got parted by your gentle finger as you moaned out his name, telling the camera how much you missed him. he can never grow tired of hearing it, hearing the wet noises your pussy made when you'd stick your finger inside, the resolution of the video so high he would get tempted to lean in and lick the damn screen.

you don't send him videos anymore, not at work. since the back door camera got miraculously busted about a month ago, he’s been sneaking you in almost every day, taking you to that cozy space between the two old shelving units and fucking you senseless, right in between the crates of joja cola cans. 

his alarm couldn’t go off any sooner, it barely rings when he already pushed the door to the warehouse open, sliding his key card through the reader and nearly started running towards the exit. you're already waiting there, sparkle in your eyes upon seeing him so damn excited. he takes a moment to look at you, to calm his speeding heart, to drink in your radiance.

fuck, if he wasn't so damn horny he would take you out for a picnic, sit down with you and hold your hand as you tell him about your day, as you listen to some music sharing his earphones, as you giggle and twirl in your sundress and tuck your hair behind your ear while he leans in to press a chaste kiss to your cheek and another to the corner of your mouth, making sure to take off the dot of whipped cream you have there. but the press of his erection gets even more painful when he lays eyes on the little dress you're wearing. you're really not making things easier for him.

unceremoniously, he drags you inside, already kissing you before even shutting the door fully, holding your waist with one hand while the other cups your cheek, lips attaching to yours desperately like you're his personal oxygen mask. he's obsessed with the way you always find a way to giggle into the kiss, the corners of your lips tugging while he desperately tries to hold on, drink in your every sound, drowning out the static overlaying another shitty pop song dripping through the stupid speaker in the corner.

the sound of you fills his chest, his ears, his head. his cock twitches in his boxers and sam bucks his hips towards you as your back meets the shelving unit. quickly, with practiced movements he picks you up and sets you onto the appropriate shelf, positioned to be perfectly level with his hips.

how funny, you once said, it's clearly meant to be. yeah, meant to be because sam had lifted the fucker and stuck a big chunk of wood under all four posts, making sure they're identical, making sure everything is stable and the height is perfect for when he grows a pair and throws a rock at the security camera outside the door. now it's your spot, he can't imagine anything else being on that shelf that isn't your ass, your perfect body being fucked by him for as long as he can handle at breaks.

with one quick motion he lifts your dress, uncovering a cute, heart themed pair of panties. sam slides his hand under the elastic and tugs them off, instinctively pushing them into the pocket of his uniform for later. now your sweet little dripping cunt is right there for him to see. with an almost whiny groan, he looks down at your pussy and back at your face, seeing the redness spread over your cheeks like every time he exhibits feral behavior.

by this point he thought you'd get used to it, but each day carries a new way he surprises you, making you shy with the way he devours you with his eyes.

while he leans his forehead against yours, grounding himself in the moment, you work your way through the zipper of his uniform, following it with his boxers, now half-way down his thighs as that girthy, unfairly big cock springs out and slaps against his abdomen. already twitching and leaking, he guides it to your soft opening, parting your thighs while he kisses your lips once again, murmuring sweet little pleas in between kisses, holding the back of your head with one hand.

your arms wrap around his neck, he's almost in, almost. sam nearly folds as soon as your warmth sucks in his tip, he nearly finishes right then and there, making for a very short lunch break. it's alright, he's alright, you keep reminding him. your voice breaks him out of the spiral he's got himself into, and instead makes him focus. he pushes into you a little further, eliciting a strangled moan from his own throat and a lewd, sultry one from yours. 

yoba's soggy underwear, how are you always so damn sexy?! here he is, trying not to be a one-stroke-wonder even though you've fucked nearly every day since getting together, surely he should be used to it by now. and you're a damn goddess with your plump thighs, sugary moans, and a warm cunt just begging to be fucked. bottoming out, he throws his head back and groans, already twitching with stimulation while you lean in and pepper little warm kisses over his neck.

“thaaat's it,” you drawl, feeling him relax against you, slumping his head now against your shoulder as he moves his large hands to your thighs, “suuuuch a good boy, sam.” 

it's those two words, good boy, that make him so damn needy whenever you utter them. they drag a whimper out of his throat every time without fail. his hips push against yours despite being all the way in, he wants to give you everything and more . the slow strokes of his cock dragging in and out of you pull the same little noises from your throat as they do from his, your lips seek out his, exchanging sounds and breaths before connecting into a sweet kiss. 

it’s one of those times, when he’s pent up but wants to prolong it as much as he can. wants to spend the whole break just feeling you around him. and how good he was at it, kneading your thighs with those nimble fingers, calloused fingertips digging into your flesh as he pulls back and pushes forward, his curses slipping in between your juicy lips, the moment before he’s silenced once more by your little moan. he slides along your silken walls so slowly, dragging out every movement to feel you better, to enjoy every inch of you as you tighten and relax around his cock. 

“a- ahhh that’s s’ good babe, mmmphhh please…” he groans into your mouth, as slow strokes of his hips, guided by your ankles locked behind his back, make you moan so sweetly, sweeter than the maple bars he loves so much. 

“right th- oh right there, baby… so good–”

“a-again please…” he begs, needs to hear you tell him how it feels. 

he’s losing his damn mind, it’s leaving him in the breaths that mingle with yours, leaving in the press of the tip of his cock against your spongy sweet spot, the one that makes you tighten around his shaft, suffocating him and making him dizzy. he loses track of how many times he’s pushed his twitching length inside you, loses the number of times you’ve made his head spin with your sweet little comments.

“that’s m-my good boy, oh i’d do anything f-for you baby…” you purr into his mouth, capturing his gentle lips in another wet, sloppy kiss as your soaked pussy swallows him again. again, again , until he cums the first time.

he barely acknowledges it with his body, continuing with the slow pace, only pausing for a moment longer once his balls are pressed against your wet cunt. sam keeps kissing you, his teeth grip onto your bottom lip and tug, moaning in time with you, digging his fingers deeper into your flesh.

“sweet… sweet boy…” words drip like honey from your tongue and he catches them, tongue scooping them back into your mouth, torn between letting you praise him and licking into your mouth. “s-so good to me, m- mmph sam.. feel s’ good, g- ah good boy–”

sam whines, feeling his hips stutter every time you say those words, but he doesn’t speed up, he drags his strokes out even longer, even lazier.

“m-more,” he whispers, licking your bottom lip before pulling it into his mouth and sucking on it, “more, tell me… tell me more, please .” the last word is barely a breath as he lets go of your thighs, instead cupping your face and holding it still as he grinds his hips against yours.

“m- mmmph w-why, you wanna–” your words are stolen out of your mouth, he’s dragging his tongue against yours just like he drags his cock along your walls, “–wanna hear how sweet you are, hmm?” 

he hums, tilting your head up so he can kiss along your jaw, nipping the skin as he makes his way to the sensitive spot under your ear. pressing his tongue against it and flicking it against your earlobe, he lets out a barely stifled moan directly into your ear. your walls instantly close up, squeezing him so tightly that he needs to pause, taking quick, desperate breaths as he tries to stay somewhat alert until you relax and let go. 

“babe… babe please– oh fuck .” he feels himself rush over the edge and, as soon as he starts moving, he cums, slowly feeling it drip out of his sensitive tip while he resumes that slow, languid pace.

second load already behind you, he whimpers into your ear, holding onto a thread of sanity as his lips trace the shape of your ear, pleading with you to… anything. to have mercy on him, to stop being so damn perfect, to curse him, praise him, kiss him. to take all of his cum and keep it nice and warm inside you as he glides in and out of you. his words turn incoherent, a blabbering mess of noises as his hips stutter again and he tenses, holding your face a little tighter and bringing his lips to yours again. he nearly sucks out the breath from your lungs, snapping his hips a little harder, getting desperate for one more release.

“saaaam–” you drawl again, higher in pitch as his hip bones dig into your soft thighs with harder thrusts.

“ sam, your break has been over for two minutes, return back to work. ” the speaker sounds, breaking up words with static, but the message is clear.

“n-no… look at me,” you bring a hand to the side of his face and tilt it towards you, “at me, sam. mmm that’s good,” he zeroes in on the glossiness of your eyes, on the dilated pupils that drink in his blushed face and the sweat on his forehead, “be m-my good boy, y-yeah?” 

it’s enough for him, sam nods like an obedient little thing and snaps his hips a few more times, taking you to another dimension before spilling his cum inside you one last time, stilling completely as he takes a few more sloppy kisses from your lips, slowly pulling out with your shaky legs spreading to let him look at the result. the sweetest sight he’s ever laid his eyes on, dripping sticky liquid on your shelf, the flowy sundress making you look sweeter than ice cream on a hot summer’s day. 

“go,” you sigh, looking up at the malfunctioning speaker, “i’ll clean up and meet you outside when you fin–” you chuckle, quickly changing your choice of words, “when your shift’s done.” 

sam groans, reluctantly pulling his boxers and pants back up and leaning in for another quick kiss and a glance down at your dripping cunt.

“love you babe.” he shoots that sweet smile at you before turning and dragging himself back into the store, leaving you to clean yourself up with joja branded wet wipes. before slipping out through the back door, you chuckle as you feel the air on your naked pussy, thinking about the pink heart pair of panties stuffed into sam’s pocket.

[deezy1478]

happy valentine's day! here's some husbands shooting the shit on their honeymoon:

“Was this the dumbest idea ever?” said Jim, wheeling his suitcase to one side as he looked round the room. It was the cheapest, most bare bones one they had – the kind they used to stay in when they traveled for a show, stretching the leftover money as far as it would go on booze and takeout and maybe a new video game when they got back home.

“The motel or marrying me?” said Dustin, closing the door behind them. Jim elbowed him in the stomach and Dustin took it in his stride, swinging his overnight bag against the wall and passing Jim with a hand on the small of his back. “Money changed you, man. Look at this – a microwave? A whole bed to ourselves?” he said, sitting down on it and giving an experimental bounce. The springs squeaked unpleasantly. “Aw, fuck yeah. That takes me back.”

He lay back against the pillows and held a hand out for Jim, and there was just barely enough space for him to wriggle against Dustin’s side until he found a position that didn’t make his back start to seize up. When he was settled they chatted a little about the more memorable motels they’d stayed in – the one with rats as big as Walter, the one that smelled mysteriously of cheese, the one where Jim had gotten bitten to shit by bedbugs the night before a match – and then they leaned back to find shapes in the water stains on the ceiling like they used to.

“Don’t ask me how I know this, but… that one kinda looks like Dan Barry’s dick,” said Dustin, pointing at a fat, blobby one near the window.

“Don’t ask me how I know this, but… yeah, you’re kinda right.” Dustin turned his head so fast his neck twinged and Jim’s mouth went all tight, letting him stew for a good few seconds. “He sent me a picture once. By accident. Meant to go to Jess but he hit Jim.”

“Uh huh,” said Dustin. “Mm hm. That right.”

“What, you think he was shooting his shot?” said Jim, turning and grinning at him. “You’re saying I missed the Dan Barry train?”

“I think you did, dude. Could’ve ridden that thing into the sunset.” He gestured to the ceiling blob. “Could’ve ridden that thing into the sunset.”

Jim shuddered and elbowed him again.

They ordered takeout and Dustin collected it from the front desk – a couple of Taco Bell value boxes and a Red Bull each from the vending machine in the hall, really leaning into the bit – maybe a little too hard, Dustin thought as they both lay back on the bed when they’d finished and the lumpy mattress dug in between his shoulders, but whatever. They’d both been feeling a little nostalgic in the run-up to the wedding, driving off-route a bit on the way to the motel from the courthouse so they could pass by the old Legion Hall in Hellertown where they’d both been booked on the same card for the first time.

“Hey,” he nudged Jim. “Do you actually remember that day? The Chikara Young Lions tag thing?”

“Sure,” said Jim, because of course he did. Dustin had been sifting through his memories since they’d pulled up outside it, trying to pick out those specific couple matches from all the others he’d had in there over the years and hoping he’d remember a flash of bright blonde hair or a weird, honking laugh from across the changing room, but nope. At this point it all felt like it had all happened at least three lifetimes ago.

“Do you remember me there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” said Jim, because of course he did. “I watched one of your matches from behind the curtain. Some guy in the crowd was trying to start shit the whole way through, shouting at you – and you climbed up to the top turnbuckle, looked right at him and yelled tug my balls, asshole. Then you did a moonsault and got the pin.”

Dustin smiled over at him. “And you saw all that and thought, I’m gonna marry that guy some day.”

Jim smiled back “Pretty much,” he said, and Dustin had to look away, back up at the ceiling – thinking about all the years stretching between that moment and their first kiss.

“Jesus. I was a dumbass for so fuckin’ long.”

“Nah,” said Jim, quietly. “Wouldn’t change any of it.” He knocked the back of his hand against Dustin’s. “But sometimes I think, like… what if we could’ve – y’know. If… never mind.”

“No, go on.”

Jim was quiet for a moment. “Do you ever wish…” he said eventually, “or do you ever think about, like – what would you do now with a twenty-two year old me?”

“Uh,” said Dustin, “probably give him a juice box. Y’know… ask what his favourite dinosaur is.” Jim snort-laughed. “Had your balls even dropped by then?”

“One of them had, for sure.” Dustin turned his head, grinning, about to ask which ball but Jim had a funny little look on his face that made him stall. “You really wouldn’t…?” he asked, trailing off.

“What, you think I wanna throw my back out trying to keep up with li’l baby Cipps?” said Dustin. Just thinking about it made him want to slam a bottle of Aleve. “Li’l flippy baby Cipps? Cartwheeling round the bed?”

Jim huffed through his nose. “I just thought… I dunno.” He looked back up at the ceiling. “I was like… bendier, back then. And stuff.”

Dustin reached over and gave Jim’s chest a slap like it was the hood of an old car. “Still bendy enough for me.”

“Yeah?” said Jim, and he tried to smile but something wasn’t quite right – something still lingering at the edges of it.

Dustin rolled onto his side and looked down at him – at the thin lines across his forehead and at the corner of his eyes; the creases that ran from either side of his nose to his mouth that he’d catch Jim pulling at in the bathroom mirror.

“Hey,” he said, cupping Jim’s jaw and tilting it gently towards him. “Gonna be after you in the nursing home, Cipps. Chasing you down with my zimmer frame.”

Jim laughed then, bright and goofy and wrinkly as fuck, and even after ten years it still hit Dustin like a mack truck that Jim had kissed him back on purpose, moved in with him on purpose, said yes on purpose, said I do on purpose.

And now he was lying next to him in a shitty motel bed on their honeymoon on purpose and looking up at him, waiting for whatever came next, and Dustin had no idea where they’d be in ten, fifteen, twenty years – God knows he could only hope they had that long – but he knew about the next few hours. He knew about the next five minutes. He knew about the next few seconds as he leaned in and kissed Jim, wrapping an arm around his warm, narrow hips.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[skeletalheartattack]

hi I like gelato a lot

[milomaxxy]

Fucking childfree people complaining about parents not "shutting their kids up" or staying out of public have got to be the most idiotic group I've ever seen.

Like, you do realize parents don't have 100% control over their kid(s)... especially their fucking EMOTIONS?? Right??? You do realize that asking parents to DO THIS is emotional abuse and/or emotional manipulation, right???

You realize telling parents that they should keep their kid(s) home bc they're "yelling they want to be at home" isn't a fucking option for A LOT of people? Kids screaming at the grocery store don't want to be there bc they're bored and don't understand that their parents HAVE TO get groceries. Kids wHiNiNg about being out are doing so bc they're fucking DEVELOPING and LEARNING, and you want their parents to shut them inside all the fucking time just so they don't annoy YOU?

You realize that children NEED to be out in public spaces, even if they don't necessarily "want to" so that they can actually fucking develop into society? You realize that kids can swing from "this is the best day ever" to total meltdown with banshee wailing in less than a fucking minute? You realize that everybody has to do things they don't like to do, and that keeping them home 24/7 is setting them up for failure when they DO eventually have to leave (i.e. when they have to go to school or when they grow up and have to go to the store)? You realize that children can't fucking protect themselves and that you complaining about them being in public is fucking weird???

Gotta be the most fucking boomer-ass idiotic fucking shit I've seen today. And yet they're the same fucking crowd telling people who homeschool their kids that they're ruining their children's social lives. The same fucking group telling parents that they can't take their kids out unless it's specifically children-oriented places. The same fucking people saying "everyone wants to act like children are stupid and censor everything" are the ones that are fucking CAUSING it- bc gods forbid they see a kid not being coddled, then you're neglectful.

I am so sick of people who have NO FUCKING HORSE IN THIS RACE telling parents how they need to fucking raise their kids. I'm so sick of seeing people say "idc what the reason is, if you do xyz and have a baby you shouldn't have a baby" (most recently was about fucking taking babies on air planes 🙄 as if there's never been a reason someone needed to fly with a baby). I'm so exhausted seeing people who don't KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHILDREN accusing parents of neglect and abuse bc they think kids never fucking cry (seriously, look up the purple cry if you believe babies don't cry for no reason) unless they're being neglected or abused. I'm so exhausted with people who have ZERO FUCKING EXPERIENCE around kids AT ALL telling me, someone who is not only a parent but has been raising kids SINCE I WAS FUCKING EIGHT, that I don't know what I'm talking about when I say that some kids are just louder, have more needs, or are just "extra". Fucking people who have NO FUCKING KNOWLEDGE about an entire fucking demographic that WE ALL START OUT AS has got to be the most willfully ignorant bullshit out there

[moomeecore]

on that subject, obsessed with today when i was like "hey guys, can you two stop playing the jumping game for now because it's giving caden a headache" and my 6 yr old cousin is like "you mean 'me'. it's giving 'me' a headache, because your caden". it's like yeah man ur right. my bad . and then they stopped jumping. it was awesome

[aidenwaites]

I finally got The Hell Room mostly cleaned up/organized,, and it feels so nice in there,, look at my bookshelf

[bibimbinge]

tired of being called inconsiderate and rude the second I say something thats not exactly in a nice tone when my brain is working 3× more to be considerate of everyone and everything else 99% of the time.

[littlespoonevan]

genuinely think i would make a killing on youtube doing wardrobe organisation/clear outs

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

painting a mackerel today :]

[snekdood]

ppl used to try to make fun of me for using zoo tycoon as a reference for animal shit and idk man like.... the game is literally built off the idea of educating you, it literally has an encyclopedia that tells you not only about the animals but also about the plants too. yeah its a tycoon game but thats only if you focus on it in that sense, personally i dont, I've always liked playing it to learn more about the behaviors of animals. sure things are generalized here and there and not 100% accurate- partially bc it was made in the early 2000's and we've probably acquired more info since then, but regardless its still pretty solid and taught me a lot about certain animals growing up, which other tycoon games dont really offer... anything teach-worthy.

[nexus-nebulae]

one thing i love abt the game Littlewood is how unapologetically GAY bubsy is. he is only interested in the most gorgeous of men