#there's literally so much stuff in this chapter what the distortion world

[polarbearauri]

Update: Auri is COOKED

i regret to inform you all that i am fucking cooked this chapter is like, totally going to be longer than chapter 4 but at least I'm finally making good progress I guess? like dude I went from 8k-ish words this afternoon to fucking twelve and a have thousand tonight, and I'd say I'm like, maybe 60-65% done at most. i have a battle to write, the stuff in mesagoza, which is longer than you would think, AND the team star intro with Penny. which is also a lot, because it's probably going to be a bit more involved than it is in the game? I have absolutely no fucking idea why I thought this would be a shorter chapter than 4. (Maybe because 17k was kind of deranged? but like, arguably going on my outline I absolutely should have expected this to be longer?) um. should I split this into two chapters? Like, very plausibly the rest of chapter 5 could end up being another 5-7k ish words. like this chapter could end up being about 17-19k words total and like wow is that too many? i mean it would make 'chapter six' kinda short because I am NOT combining that with what is currently chapter six because that's already quite long. I just. like. hoooo boy.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

HEAR ME OUT. ILOMILO BY BILLIE EILISH IS SO JAM CODED. IM SORRY

Oooooo I don't know that song.

Oh you're so right this is so Jam. Especially Jam in chapter 3 (or thinking back to chapter three in their final moments in the recorded MH) I think, when they're just starting their relationship/talking about their feelings and everything's a little turbulent because Jay's a mess who doesn't know how to cope with anything.

like, I have very many thoughts about this and you're getting all of them unfortunately

Told you not to worry But maybe that's a lie Honey, what's your hurry? Won't you stay inside? Remember not to get too close to stars They're never gonna give you love like ours

Jay, Tim, Jay

First two lines are Jay, trying to pretend like everything's fine and saying that Tim shouldn't worry about any of the weird stuff Jay does, right? Because of Alex. Jay's very weird because of Alex, because he's scared of falling in love with another unobtainable man.

The next two lines are Tim, you know when Jay kinda just ran the fuck out of the motel room after they kissed, because he though Tim was going to abandon him like Alex did? Tim was definitely trying to get Jay to stay inside and not run away so fast before they'd even properly talked about it and just, fixed the whole issue with some good old communication.

Then the last two lines are Jay again, reminding himself not to get too attached to 'stars' aka unobtainable men, men who are soooooo distant like the stars and can only burn him alive when he gets up close. (i'm mostly ignoring the love like ours bit because the only way it makes sense is if it's kinda Jay thinking about Alex, but the thing is Alex was a 'star' too, and what Jay's worried about in my head is Tim ending up being like Alex. So i'm ignoring it.)

Where did you go? I should know, but it's cold And I don't wanna be lonely So show me the way home I can't lose another life

Tim, Jay

The first two lines are Tim, quite literally wondering where Jay went because he stormed away out of their motel room. He steps outside to follow Jay and doesn't immediately see him because he's crouched down beside his car, but Tim needs to know where Jay is, because it's really cold (in like august which it shouldn't be, so he's worried because Operator)

The next lines are Jay. He doesn't want to be lonely. As much as he's scared of getting into another relationship, he doesn't want to be on his own, he wants to be hopeful, he wants this to work. He wants Tim to come after him and 'show him the way home', he wants Tim to come and find him and take him back to their motel room so he doesn't have to do a little awkward walk back to get his stuff and keys so he can leave. He doesn't want to lose another person he's really started to care about.

Hurry, I'm worried The world's a little blurry Or maybe it's my eyes The friends I've had to bury They keep me up at night

Both Jay and Tim

First three lines. Jay wanting Tim to hurry out and get him because he knows something's wrong outside, but he can't really figure out what because the world's blurry with his tears. Tim wanting Jay to hurry up and come back inside so they can talk about it, and then stepping outside into the cold and realizing the world looks just that little bit distorted like it does when the Operator's around, he hopes he's just worried for no reason.

The last two lines. Jay doesn't want to have to bury another relationship, he doesn't want to lose Tim as well, losing Alex already haunts him day and night, and losing Tim would only add to that. For Tim it's a lot more literal, he knows something's wrong outside and he doesn't want to have to literally bury Jay because the Operator or Alex got him, the people he's lost already hang over him, especially Brian.

Said I couldn't love someone 'Cause I might break If you're gonna die, not by mistake

Jay.

Pretty self explanatory, he's scared to love someone again because if anything at all goes wrong he'll fucking break.

The last line feels more like Jay talking about the relationship itself, if it's going to die it'll happen before it's even started, and it'll be on purpose. Jay will push Tim away so that they can't even start a relationship for Jay to be crushed by when it ends.

So, where did you go? I should know, but it's cold And I don't wanna be lonely So tell me you'll come home Even if it's just a lie

Tim

The first two lines are the same as before.

The third line is Tim not wanting to be lonely this time. He likes Jay, he wants this to work between them, and they need each other anyway, to sort out the whole Alex and the Operator thing.

The last two lines are Tim finding Jay and talking to him a little, he wants Jay to come back to the motel room with him, he wants Jay to say he'll come back even if it's a lie, he wants even false hope at getting to have a relationship with Jay, and Jay 'coming home' would give him that hope even if it wasn't actually going to end up with them together, even if it's just so that Jay can get his things and leave again for good.

I tried not to upset you Let you, rescue, me the day I met you I just wanted to protect you But now I'll never get to

Past and future. Jay and Tim.

The first two lines are just exactly what they say. Jay and Tim kinda (metaphorically) rescued each other the day they met, even though they definitely had a rocky start and at the time Tim didn't realize Jay coming back into his life was a good thing.

The last two lines are the future. They want to protect each other. Tim wishes he'd been there to protect Jay in the end, in entry 80, but Jay's gone and Tim's never going to be able to go back in time and fix things. (honestly this whole things could be them both thinking back on everything in their final moments in MH, Jay right as he's dying -life flashing kinda deal- and Tim and that crossroads)

Hurry, I'm worried

Where did you go? I should know, but it's cold And I don't wanna be lonely Was hoping you'd come home I don't care if it's a lie

Tim (end of series Tim)

Tim didn't ever really find out what happened to Jay's body. He never knew where it went, he just knows he never had anyone to bury. He kinda still holds out hope that somehow Jay will come back, because he never got to bury the body, so that means there's a sliver of a chance that Jay's still alive somewhere, right? (right, Skully. Sorta. They have Jay's face and that'd be devastating for Tim) He wants even that false hope that Jay could come back, but he knows any hope he gives himself will be baseless.

Jay's not coming back and Tim's going to have to live the rest of his life without him. (Tim's going to have to raise their daughter on his own, and she already looks so much like Jay, even at only a month and a bit old -i'm sorry, i'm obsessed with the angst of Tim having Jay's kid-)

[whumpy-wyrms]

are u in any fandoms? what are ur interests besides whump? u don’t have to answer i’m just curious!!

someone’s asking me about my interests i can’t NOT answer

this got a bit long tho so i’m putting it under the read more for people who don’t care/are only here for the whump

OKOK. so i’m kinda in the starkid/nerdy prudes must die fandom rn but i know for a fact if i finished adventure time and started watching fiona and cake, that would quite literally become my entire personality for the next 3 months because simon and prismo (and marceline and princess bubblegum and all my other favorite characters) make me insane. but i haven’t done that because well. i’ve gotta write tllr yknow..

anyway, my absolute most favorite pieces of media of all time are undertale and deltarune guys. i cant put in words how much those games mean to me holy shit. as i’m writing this i’m sitting next to my jevil and sans and spamton plushie and they are saying hi. anywayyy yeah i was in the deltarune fandom for a bit it was fun. spamton is silly fucked up creature. jevil is my all time favorite tho

AND THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES… my favorite thing ever fr. y’all. LISTEN TO TMA SERIOUSLY YOU’LL PROBABLY LIKE IT!! it’s a horror podcast and it’s seriously the best fuckinf thing ever it’s so amazing seriously. it’s a bit hard to get into at first because season 1 is less story driven BUT HOLY SHIT. AHHHH ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. jon is one of my favorite blorbos ever and so is michael because he’s a silly distortion guy. just trust me and listen to TMA it will actually change your life.

also i love the amazing world of gumball so fucking much. i wasn’t allowed to watch cartoon network as a kid (idk why??) so i first watched tawog last year and holy shit holy shit it’s my favorite thing ever. rob. ROB!!!! ROB IS MY ALL TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER. SO IS MR SMALL. AHHHH!!!! anyway i love tawog i’ve drawn a lot of fanart and even wrote a 60k word fanfiction (about what happens after The Inquisition because that ending fucked me up) that i’ve Never and will probably never show anyone because it’s probably Not that good. but it was sooo Important to me back then. tawog just means so much to me it :))) it changed me as a person. nobody’s a nobody and everybody is weird like you and me.

i also really like hollow knight! i haven’t played it in a while but i was at 111% completion on one of my playthroughs (CURSE YOU PANTHEON 4). i’m also super fucking excited for silksong obviously and i will say this now: WHEN SILKSONG FINALLY RELEASES… i will probably go on hiatus here LMAO. sorry but guys. SILKSONG…. honestly same for new deltarune chapters. the second chapters 3, 4, and 5 release it is sooo over for me. i probably won’t post much here for a few months during that. but that’s fine!! i’ll never abandon tllr but sometimes some things are more important to my silly little brain :3

gravity falls quite literally changed my life in 2018. like i can’t even explain it, but it’s how i was introduced to online fandoms and fanart in general. dipper LITERALLY made me trans (not literally but pretty much). it’s how i started watching other amazing cartoons and series i love, it’s literally what made me get into drawing art and writing and stuff. it’s what made me start making ocs. it literally made me an artist guys. which is how i started writing. without gravity falls and it’s effect it had on me, this account might have never existed?? i’m being super dramatic but wowww. i was so autistic about that silly cartoon

minecraft i love. i’ve been playing minecraft for over a decade and won’t stop because it’s like, probably a special interest of mine? i’ve watch minecraft youtubers forever too, hermitcraft and the life series are my favorite. i’m a huge grian fan too, been watching him since the evo days. anyway if u play minecraft and wanna play with me sometime, feel free to ask!!! :D i love making new friends and playing video games with people!!! let’s make a world together!!!

also i like terraria and stardew valley, and animal crossing new horizons but i haven’t played that in a few years. hmm other games i like are oneshot game, NITW, omori, celeste, cuphead, fnaf (although i’ve only played the first 5 games and am super super behind on the lore), ori, dead cells, untitled goose game (this is for u anon), and probably more i’m forgetting! feel free to recommend me some video games and we can even play together :3

other series i love are the umbrella academy. soooo autistic about this show it’s fucking AMAZING!!!!!! klaus is my favorite character. anyway i also like what we do in the shadows. it made me super autistic about vampires (before i watched this show i kinda thought vampires were cringe IDK WHY I’M SORRYY). the netflix show lucifer made me insane a few years ago and is what probably indirectly inspired me to give Dew wings. i also like our flag means death, breaking bad, moon knight, and camp here in there (another podcast i HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend, will wood made the soundtrack!)

i LOVEEE FINAL SPACE!! avocato has been my pfp on this account forever and now i feel like i can’t ever change it (i don’t want to). final space is seriously amazing!!! but it was cancelled and basically got fucked over by the networks- infinity train style. idk, stuff happened and it was removed from hbo max so there’s not really anywhere to watch it (legally) except for netflix international iirc? but it’s getting removed from that too i think. super fucking sad :( it ended on a huge cliffhanger too BUT there is a graphic novel being made!!!! super excited about that!

other cartoons i like are over the garden wall (dressed up as wirt for halloween last year), the owl house, adventure time, regular show, steven universe, infinity train, bojack horseman, rick and morty, mlp, the midnight gospel, and so much more i’m forgetting. OH anime i like are death note, demon slayer (haven’t caught up yet on the latest seasons tho), and MOB PSYCHO 100!! vampire in the garden on netflix is really amazing as well.

this is sooo long but now i gotta talk about my favorite music artists. WILL WOOD (AND THE TAPEWORMS) IS MY FAVORITEEE. I ALSO LOVEEE JHARIAH!!! AND HARLEY POE!!!!! top three of all time. i also like toby fox obviously, and glass beach (LITERALLY GOING TO SEE THEM IN MARCH AND I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!), mcr, shayfer james, weezer, mitski, lemon demon, set it off, tally hall, gerard way, and probably more i’m forgetting. i also like musicals!! (i was in the spongebob musical earlier this year for school! i was larry the lobster :))

so guys. GUYSSS. IF YOU LIKE MUSICALS, GO WATCH NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE!!!! OR JUST WATCH THE ENTIRE HATCHETFEILD TRILOGY!!! WHILE UR AT IT, WATCH ALL THE STARKID MUSICALS ACTUALLY!!! this is my current hyperfixation. the lords in black are amazing, npmd is amazing. i love everything about it. go watch it seriously, it’s fucking awesome and the soundtrack is AMAZING!!!

i think this is it. this got super long but i’m super passionate about my interests so yeah. this is pretty much everything. one very important thing (literally my special interest) that i didn’t mention are my other ocs. i have wayyy more ocs that are completely separate from the tllr ones. i don’t wanna post about them here though, cuz they’re not whump related and i want to keep my main account separate from this account. but they’re my favorite blorbos in existence so…

if u WANT to know about my other ocs, u can feel free to dm me for the username of my other fandom/oc account. that’s where i post other stuff that i don’t post here, like my fanart and my other oc stuff. i don’t post writing or anything like that there, so ur not missing out on that.

anyway those are most of my main interests! things i didn’t mention that im also really interested in are reptiles (snakes specifically), and animals in general. i have two leopard geckos named Lars and Alphys and i reallyyyy want a pet snake but my family hates snakes :(( anyway i’m rambling

thanks for the ask!!

[whichuniverseisthis]

Two chapters to the end. Beware of spoilers!

First - Vs Starly

Previous - Vs Dialga & Palkia III

Next - Vs Dialga & Palkia V

Last - Vs Dialga & Palkia VI

Chapter 77 / Chapter 414

They trust each other so much, I can't with them. I want what they have.

Literally the first thing I thought when I saw Giratina's appearance cutscene in PLA was this scene. The vibes are pretty much the same at this point, with the demon-esque look and all.

I want to know so much more of her.

So much stuff gets explained in this chapter. Sird followed Giovanni because she knew he knew where to find Deoxys. Plus, she seeded the evil in other villains through the years. I love how this was actually mentioned in the end of the Emerald arc. I don't know when that chapter came out, but if it was before this, it was a huge foreshadowing.

I'm gonna say it here and now, FRLG is amazing, and better than the original two arcs RGB and Yellow.

I think this was the biggest reveal the manga could have done. I don't think by the end of FRLG Darkrai, or DP in general, had been released yet, so I guess at the time they already had the intention to use a "random powerful Pokémon" to justify this, and Darkrai was perfect for the role.

I have to wonder what's the power that is able to control a whole group of people to make all the same movements in sync, though. And how did she manage to free the one grunt from the control so easily.

I was about to say that nothing would have changed if he wasn't there, but then I remembered that Riley was at the Hoenn Battle Frontier by the end of the Emerald arc. I guess it's a small connection between them.

Actually, it's kinda sad we didn't see a full battle between them, but considering the two chapters remaining, it was all a question of time and timing.

And there it is. The Distortion World is finally open, without Dialga and Palkia's control. And now it's full on Platinum arc.

[thelivingautomaton]

*also i really really wish there was more stuff in the game with alan and casey (either real world casey or dark place casey) interacting* <- LITERALLY SAME‼️‼️ I had to scramble for footage for this edit but this whole concept is so intriguing to me and I wish we had a whole DLC with them (also thank you for nice tags under the rb ur too kind🫡)

(yes ofc, your graphics go so hard i love them!) and YES, it's such a wild concept to me especially because like. ok lemme put this under a cut for big-time alan wake 2 spoilers but also i kind of word-vomited a lot of percolating thoughts on the game, LOL oops

so for maybe 75% of the game i was CERTAIN that i had the game's twists Figured Out by the end of chapter 1, and i was sure that one of those twists was gonna be "fbi agent casey is 1:1 the same person as the fictional detective casey that alan's books are about, or even if he's not, agent casey was still created wholesale by alan as part of the overarching scheme to get saga to bright falls and have her assume the role of 'hero' in getting him out of the dark place". (this was part of my overarching idea re: saga's storyline which was that the version of events where saga lived in watery and logan drowned was the "true" reality, and alan rewrote her life/memories basically to "make" her into a better/less traumatized hero figure, and also get rid of stuff that would prevent her from wanting to go "back" to bright falls)

so like, at first i felt kind of "meh" about the reveal that fbi agent casey is the "real"/original/whatever version and fictional detective casey arose from alan using echoes of his life as writing material (compounded with the game making it pretty clear that alan can't wholesale make/create new stuff, just rewrite or guide what's already "real", and the seemingly straightforward reveal that saga's remembered version of events is "real" because she's immune to retcon bullshit). but the more i think about it the more i actually think it works really well and if anything is a much more interesting take on the trope of "fictional character and their creator interact/come into conflict"?

like, rather than the usual angst of "oh my god, am i real, is anything in my life real, does anything i do matter when my life is a fictional narrative", you get the more interesting flavors of inner drama both from casey (i.e. "i am a real person, but exactly how much of my memories and life can i trust, how much might have been twisted or rewritten by an outside hand to make a better story, could my past mistakes/regrets be erased, have they already been?") and also more importantly alan (i.e. "holy shit i've been taking Actual Real People and treating them like paper dolls to cut up and rearrange however i want to make a good story out of it")

plus by establishing that alan can't just make shit exist + nobody in the story is a made-up creation (well, i mean. within the narrative nobody is fictional, lol), it helps ground the story and characters and maintain your investment in their struggles and the stakes. and it also helps align the broader cosmology of the alan wake games with the wider remedy-verse by maintaining a baseline "reality" that presumably follows certain rules vis a vis the way objects of power and parautilitarian abilities work. like, the rules might be fucking weird, and we as players are probably getting only 20% of all the information because in-universe people know at most like, 40% of all the information, but it's clear that SOMEWHERE remedy has a bible of rules for How Their World Works so that they can keep things internally consistent across their games

with that all being said i also think they've left things open-ended enough that they can take a lot of these concepts in a bunch of directions simultaneously -- alan can still manifest/write up distorted funhouse mirror versions of "real" characters within the dark place who can yell at him for being a jackass or try to kill him or whatever, i wouldn't be surprised if one or both dlcs have further appearances of dark place casey and/or other "fictional" versions of casey written by alan, not to mention that real world fbi agent casey could easily get sucked into further metafictional alternate reality/narrative bullshit by virtue of how he got possessed by the dark presence (albeit briefly). like the only thing i'm for sure certain about is that remedy will probably keep finding new and exciting ways of pulling the rug out from under my feet, LOL

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Writing Notes: Writing Sweet Child vs Stranger Tides OR Riding The Wave vs. Running Up That Hill.

Sooooooooo back in late October of 2022, I was dealing with some stuff and my brain rot was cycling between TOH and Stranger Things S4 (and Russian Doll a little).

I decided as a way of channeling my unstable emotions that I would participate in NaNoWriMo by writing a fanfic set during the summer that the Hexsquad was stuck in the human realm, which if it was Summer 2022 would have coincided with Stranger Things S4 dropping on Netflix.

The thought was, “Hey! What if these traumatized kids watch this show with other traumatized kids and realize they can relate?”

I didn’t plan on writing another fanfic after ….

😬

More below.

But then the idea for Sweet Child began to itch my brain and it went from a short fluffy idea to something much bigger.

With Stranger Tides, I had a very clear series of ready made plot points right out of the gate. I was following the path of Stranger Things Seasons 1-4, so while it wasn't a cross over, I knew I had to hit certain points, which I broke into a few different sequences.

1. The Upside Down.

2. The Gate.

3. The Demogorgon.

4. The Mind Flayer.

5. Vecna

6. The Piggy Back.

7. For the Future (The epilogue).

Without spoilers for those who haven't read it, these were not in the literal sense (mostly). For instance, the first part "The Upside Down" more referred to how returning to the Human Realm after everything that had happened felt to Luz like she was existing in a familiar place that looked like home but felt distorted due to her depression.

It was my NaNoWriMo project, so I knew I needed to finish in a month (I TOTALLY DID! At almost 150K words!) And I wanted it to hit the feel of pop-culture nostalgia while still being distinctly TOH.

It helped that I had insomnia. I also began writing to music.

Stranger Tides was told from the rotating POVs of Luz, Vee, and Hunter -- though Camila got a few chapters as well. There were some call backs to canon from S1 to Thanks to Them... The different POVs allowed me to show how different characters reacted to different situations. It also gave me a chance to explore Vee's feelings of resentment for having to give up her Cabin 7 friends who knew her as Luz because the real Luz had returned. That's where Masha, Ryan and Josh came in.

So, after a month I finished it! It followed a horror/thriller type of pattern. I edited it in December and dropped it over a period of days and was happy.

Until For the Future Came out and I wanted to return to the sandbox of TOH.

While it was supposed to be a one shot fluff piece about Hunter getting encouragement from everyone around him on fatherhood, a few more questions began to pop up in my mind, and Sweet Child was born.

Sweet Child differs in a few ways. First, it's not a continuation of ST, but it shares a few elements. Pop Culture. Music. Media and real world issues popping up. But it's really from one POV. Other than the clips of media, it's Hunter's story about becoming a dad and dealing with a past that won't die, trust issues, family, and a tabloid media that looks to exploit the abuse of his youth.

It's also a bit more of a slow burn. Threads were dropped in Stranger Tides that came together in the end, but since I am not on a deadline (I have to get back to the opening chapter while hitting some plot points I've set out for myself) I am taking my time and REALLY fleshing out the world and the story. I get to take time with the relationships.

I tend to read a lot of horror and thrillers, so I see this word count climb and I get nervous. I worry that if I was to go to the shelf and look at this as a book I would immediately feel intimidated. I worry that readers will see the word and chapter count and not want to touch it.

On the other hand, telling this story is -- like it was for Stranger Tides -- therapeutic and I know how it ends -- and I want to GET to that ending in the best way possible. Which is why I need to just make like Elsa and let it go.

We are GETTING THERE! I PROMISE! I have it all laid out.

Still? I feel like parenthood is a long and winding road. One that fits with character development for so many of the TOH characters I love! So I'm walking that road with Hunter and Willow and all the others. If the story demands me to take a few forks to make the payoff all the more satisfying, I am going to write them out!

See you all tomorrow for Chapter 64!

[hajime-isayama-official]

One main arguments I’ve seen from non Jewish and poc snk Stan’s and that will have that one token Jewish person or friend who says they are not offended and snk isn’t anti Semitic or Nazi propaganda. Or say well isayama isn’t a anti Korean racist or Japanese imperialist that’s all been proven fake blah blah blah. Even if it’s fake the series is still problematic stop using that one Jewish person who isn’t offended they don’t speak for all Jewish people obviously-part 1

Part 2 he also named miksasa after a imperial Japanese battle ship and dot pixels is based off of a Nazi Japanese imperialist I think? Same for Erwin I might be wrong that’s what I looked up. I’m personally not comfortable supporting the series anymore for valid reasons but it’s honestly so hard to find blogs like you who criticize the series and author I’ve only found a small amount of blogs who acknowledge the problematic aspects in both manga and anime unfortunately :(

Oh Anon, you get me going here.

Yes, Mikasa is named after a very successful battleship (it’s supposedly certain success if your manga has a character named after a battleship). 

Pixis was inspired by a Japanese imperial general. He died before WW2 tho. Anyway that sparked huge controversy with the Japanese fans, leading to hate messages towards Yams for years. 

German SNK Wiki claims Erwin was inspired by Erwin Rommel, a general in WW1 and WW2 who later turned against Hitler (it’s fine cause he wasn’t REALLY a Nazi, right? no.). Erwin’s Birthday is the death day of Erwin Rommel. However, since I can’t find a source I’d take that one with a grain of salt. The main Inspiration for Erwin as a character is Ozymandias from Watchmen. So only fictional mass murder for Erwin here lol

These points are already kinda icky, but can be ignored I guess. Of course SNK searches inspiration in military. It’s a series about literal Child Soldiers (which somehow is never a critic point on any anime/manga?!). However it’s also full of dogwhistles and even more uncomfortable references. 

My main points are the portrayal of grey-morality on the case of genocide and the way Isayama clearly draws inspiration from Nazi Germany when he portrays Marley. The latter is not per say problematic. Fullmetal Alchemist is also inspired by The Third Reich and carries a strong anti-imperalist and anti-nazi message. SNK however falls short on that till now. I am not Jewish myself, so I can obviously not determine what is antisemitic and only point out the obvious. Plus my knowledge of things is obviously limited so feel free to correct or join in. 

Isayama pretty much paints the Eldians as the Jews of this “mirror world” World War we witness since the time skip. This is clear by the imagery of the Ghettos he shows, the armbands the Eldians have to wear and much more (Short images search should do the job here). The coding of the Eldians as Jewish equivalent is complete with the Marleyan myth of Eldians ruling the world if no one does anything to hold them in control (aka every antisemitic conspiracy ever). But it doesn’t end there. We know from the manga that Paradis island is basically Madagaskar. 

The Nazis planned to deport about 4 million Polish Jews to Madagaskar in the 1940′s. That plan was shortlived and obviously never put into action for various reasons. So in SNK we have the scenario that the Eldians fled to Paradis in order to get an advantage over the Marleyans. The Eldians who are not on Paradis live in Ghettos on the mainland. That’s a weird coincidence, considering how many islands our big blue planet has. 

What I think is pretty bizarre is that Isayama distorts this by pairing this imo pretty obvious real live inspiration with references to Norse mythology. This is fucked up in so far that Norse mythology is so heavily appropriated by the Nazis that many runes are outlawed in Germany till today and showing interest in Norse mythology is still often associated with white supremacy (have a look at Neo-Nazi signs and see the pattern). Like, this combination of Norse and early 20th century German imagery isn’t even a dogwhistle anymore, it’s yelling “I SUCK NAZI DICK AND I LIKE IT”.  The references he uses are  especially Ymir and the paths, that can then be seen as the world tree Yggdrasil:

The tree connects the Eldians and the nine titans which share their number with the nine realms that Yggdrasil holds. There’s some more, tiny stuff, like Erwin being easily interpreted as a reference to the God Tyr (God of battle, who loses his right arm in the mouth of a beast) and Hanji to the God Odin (Losing an eye in a well in the pursuit of gaining knowledge and wisdom). Both of these Gods are probably the most appropriated by white supremacists. When Ymir first turns into a titan it is at castle Utgard. In Norse mythology Utgard is a place in Jotunheim, the realm of the Jotun who the giant Ymir is the first ancestor of.

In general the pairing of clear WW2 imagery and references to Norse mythology is a mixture that is VERY sketchy and should always make you suspicious. Especially since these two are not going together (as in Marley using references to Norse mythology), but against each other. So we have both sides (Marley and Eldia) associated with white supremacy. Another thing that I will never be over is that Zeke and Eren are obviously named in reference to the German words Sieg und Ehre (Victory and Honor) referencing white supremacist buzzwords. 

Then we have the issue that the main conflict is not with the Marley people, who are basically our mirrorworld Nazis. The conflict is AMONG the Eldians. Liberating the Eldians form the Marleyans is not even a thing, because we’re busy keeping two Eldians from practicing genocide/euthanasia on their own kind. So in this aspect Eldians are painted basically just as bad as Marleyans (and we have that “everyone is wrong in a war” Issue again). 

I think in the end Eren’s will to kill everyone will lead to Eldians and Marley people accepting their differences or whatever and leading to unision in the shared enemy (kind of already happens in the manga) and while I think that’s a possibly interesting way to go it’s imo not when one of those parties has been subjected to centuries of genocide by the other. Assistant says a good closure to the Norse Mythology theme would be the manga going for Ragnarök, so everyone, Marleyan and Eldian, dies, except for two people who start the world anew. After all anisemitism or in this case anti-eldian sentiment doesn’t just stop after a world war. I don’t really fuck with this bullshit we got in one of the recent chapters where this one Marley general was like “Oh no, they were only people after all”. Bro, your whole society is built on them not being people and all of that is gone in one day of crisis? *doubt.png* 

There’s obviously more to it than that and especially my understanding of the manga might be a bit off, since I don’t read it as attentively as I used to anymore. At this point I’m so fucking suspicious of this manga tbh. I doubt that we can come out of this with an anti-imperialist or anti-fascist message. 

This does of course not mean no one should read or watch the manga or anime. I read/watch it too as you see. But it’s always good to be critical of the media you consume and take concerns from others serious, when it comes to stuff like this. 

[diaphobic]

Laito Short Story

Tags: Uh, it’s pretty canon Laito, so perverted stuff & non con, it’s fairly violent too.

Synopsis: Laito’s new bride is a cunning one. He can’t seem to break her as easily as he does the others. Laito feels cornered by how perceptive she is.

Might continue with this if people enjoy it~

How many days had it been? She didn’t know. All she knew was that easy day felt longer than the last. Her body could barely support its own weight anymore. She took a deep breath and exhaled as she slowly lowered herself into the bath. She thought back to her nightstand and painted a mental image of how many scratches where on it. It had to be more than a dozen by now.. That’s how many days it’s been since she was taken.

‘He does the same stuff over and over.. It’s like he doesn’t ever get sick of it. He’s nearly addicted to it.. but what does he gain?’ She thought as she tipped her head back in the water and closed her eyes. The bath water rose over her ears as the sounds of the world began to distort.

‘The way he acts doesn’t add up it’s like he’s..’ Her thought was interrupted by a dull pain on her throat. Her eyes snapped open to see a knife pressed against her throat. She gulped so deeply that the blade moved with her throat.

“What do you want..?” She quietly spoke to the ‘unknown’ assailant. A familiar chuckle escaped Laito’s lips as he toyed with her throat. She held her body up using the sides of the bath so she didn’t slip into the knife. It was her life or her body. She had no choice but to leave herself exposed.

“Bitch-Chan~ You left yourself wide open yet again. It’s almost like you’re begging me to assault you, hm?” He said and removed the knife from her throat. She quickly sat up and turned around to face him. Her arms crossed over her chest. Her lower area was covered by the bubbles she had put in the bath.

“What do you get out of this?” She snapped. A fiery spirit isn’t easily snuffed out. Not even when faced with death. She knew he was unable to go through with it, so she didn’t really have anything left to lose.

“What, you ask?” Laito pondered over the question as he folded his arms, blade still in hand. He stared at the girl waiting for her to answer for him. Laito knew she wasn’t an idiot like he previously thought. He needs to defend himself now more than ever.

“....” She kept quiet and stared him down. Her teeth grit as she looked at him. He chuckled and tossed the knife aside. The sound of the knife hitting the floor was muffled by a splash. Laito nearly pounced on the girl in the bath. She bit back her screams to not please him. She’s well aware that’s what he wants. Nothing pisses her off more than giving him what he wants. The satisfaction of pissing Laito off was bitter sweet. What did she get out of it? It wasn’t happiness, that’s for sure.

“What should I do with you? You were being the bitch you are and enticing every guy that saw you.” Laito said and got real close to her ear. He flicked his lukewarm tongue over her ear lobe.

“Don’t delude yourself. You know damn well I didn’t—!!” Her sentence was cut off by Laito’s hand grabbing her throat. She quite literally choked on her words. His hand only tightened with each cough she let out.

“One.. Two.. Three..” Laito slowly began to count. “How many seconds does it take for the brain to die again? Why don’t you tell me..” Laito laughed as he looked at her bright red face. As he held his hand right around her throat, he bit into her neck. The pressure from the blood circulation being cut off made her blood gush.

“Aah.. Mmmhh.. Haah..” Laito panted out as he sucked her sweet red blood. She started to see stars as her blood and air were both taken. “You really are an idiot..” Laito said and let go of her throat. Her world began to go black as she slipped under the baths water before she could take another breath.

“Ah-ah.. too bad, Bitch-Chan~” Laito glared down at the air bubbles coming up from the water. He continued to count to ten. ‘Four.. Five.. Six..’

“What’s this?” Laito questioned himself before he tugged the nearly lifeless body of the girl out of the tub. She didn’t have the strength to cough anymore.

“Heavy-hoh!” He said and picked the soaked girl up. “I’m not quite finished with her yet.. your unconsciousness means nothing to me.” Laito said and tossed the girl on the bed. He sat besides her and pondered over what he should do. He laid beside her and thought to himself.

‘When did it all begin?’ He thought before quickly replacing that thought with a perverted one.

“Ah, she’ll make a great expression if I leave her marks all over..” Laito said and sat up with a great smile on his face. Laito denied the painful heat that welled up in the pit of his stomach. This is guilt desguised as pleasure. The familiar word ‘pleasure’ was practically meaningless at this point.

“Haah.. you truly are wonderful.. but it’s a shame to not see your expressions.” He said as he took his mouth off of her collar bone. He ran his fingers through her long, silky hair. With a click of his tongue he got up, leaving the nearly lifeless body on the bed.

Laito left the room feeling conflicted. He’s never had a girl that was so outwardly defiant in such a way. ‘She is a perplexing one, that one..’ He let a chuckle slip past his lips as he went into his room. His happiness turned to anger in a second. He shoved everything off his desk in one big sweep.

‘Damnit!’ He thought as he panted out. His fists grabbed at his hair as he grit his teeth. He can’t tell just how much she’s able to read him. The very thought is terrifying. How the hell is he supposed to deal with someone like her?

[next chapter]

[dangermousie]

CFC Chapter 71 - I am fucking screaming

Oh, Meatbun!!!!

The whole public kissing in a bar scene continues in the beginning of the chapter but what I find super interesting is as wild as HY gets (and he literally starts fumbling for his belt at one point!!!), he still keeps shielding XQC’s face. Also, XQC’s reaction is so interesting to me - because he feels rage - he’s so angry he’s shaking - but honestly, that’s the most emotion we’ve seen him feel in a while and I keep thinking about @momoliee​‘s awesome post about XQC possibly being in denial about his sexuality and it would fit.

Long before He Yu took a dive out of the window at the end of the chapter, it was clear he was spiraling and not OK - because he’s been that way ever since his world was blown after those videos. He sort of managed to patch it up through sex but as dense as he is, even he subconsciously knows he’s utterly alienated XQC (and XX) and has nobody now. He may have all of XQC’s body he desires but they have less of a connection than when XQC was carping at him to behave as a former patient. He Yu probably would have broken at some point anyway even without the videos - he had awfully few things to help him get through an objectively awful hand life dealt him - but all that stuff afterwards gave him a giant shove.

And so much of the first half of this chapter is the disconnect between HY’s distorted reality and what XQC is actually feeling. HY is excited he kisses XQC in public while XQC is cold and stiff and disgusted. HY thinks he won and plays a song for XQC while XQC would rather be in Antarctica. All those antics HY does to bind XQC to him only push him further away and HY is so in his own head he does not process that. There is one bit where HY tells XQC to wait for him and Meatbun says that XQC’s eyes were as cold as those of a dead person but HY just smiles and doesn’t realize it, and that about sums it up. They used to be attuned but neither can read the other at all now.

Also, I continue to think that the reason HY is THIS utterly uncomprehending that XQC loathes him even though XQC is blunt about it and even though anyone with a brain would realize someone you first raped and then blackmailed into sex he does not appear to enjoy is not gonna be starry eyed for you, is because he desperately needs and wants XQC to like him and because he can’t allow himself to face how thoroughly he’s wrecked everything if he can avoid it, and because he genuinely doesn’t get what makes people tick.

And it all comes to a head where XQC refuses to move an inch beyond their previous sex arrangement and calls HY’s bluff. He refuses to come back and be HY’s doctor and be entangled with him and even the usual blackmail won’t move him - he tells HY then fine, send the pictures to XX. It all is in keeping with the fact that XQC has very strong boundaries within himself - they are not the same as “normal” but they are there. He doesn’t care about sex because it’s just his body and unpleasantness is whatever (and hell, probably is the point), but he will not get emotionally entangled with HY or give him anything BUT sex because to him sex is meaningless but emotionally he’s cut HY off utterly. And so he’s done with HY’s attempts to forge a meaningful connection, send or don’t send. Before the club, HY wouldn’t have had to blackmail him into coming back, wouldn’t have even had to ask, XQC was going to offer. But as is...

And that is what brings on HY’s severe relapse. His condition is tied to his emotions and this is his realization that no, he cannot get close to XQC, that he can never have more than sex and that because XQC doesn’t care one way or another about that. In a way, despite all the horrible stuff he’s done and the fact that he richly deserves to be punished for it, I feel sorry for HY somehow because he is very young and very naive to have thought it would work (but then he clearly thought it was his blackmail being so effective that resulted in enemies with benefits, and is realizing it’s not, it’s just XQC not giving a damn.)

What a contrast to an earlier chapter where HY remembered where he’d text I am sick (and not as sick as he is now) and XQC would tell him to take his medicine and HY would feel as if he were cured of his psychological ebola even, let alone the little headache he was faking.  What a contrast - XQC cared about a little headache and now he doesn’t care about a full blown attack. It makes me think of earlier where HY was all what if I dieeee and XQC told him that if his ghost comes to inform him of his death afterwards, maybe XQC would light incense on his grave if he’s in the mood.

And XQC is fully justified to ignore texts from HY that are cries for help - He Yu has lied and manipulated so much and HY has mistreated him so much that XQC owes He Yu zero and cares for HY’s life or death zero. I honestly wouldn’t blame him if XQC felt like a boulder is off his back if HY actually died.

But that is the tragedy to me - HY wrecked a warmer relationship with his own hands, and as sick and twisted as he gets, HY actually realizes it - none of his despair is tinged with “how dare he to ignore my amazing self?” - on some level he realizes that no matter how he deludes himself, he has wrecked anything with XQC beyond repair. BUT! He Yu had a potential to be a decent human being but his condition and his parents and even evil org meddling shoved him into a pit he can’t climb out of. It’s easy to write off a bad to the bone person. Harder when that person had so much potential once.

And that’s the thing - as wild and as dark as he got, he still locks himself in a room so as not to harm others. When he starts fantasizing about slitting throats, he starts cutting himself, once again transferring his desire for damage onto himself. He is not a good person nor does he has traditional moral sense, but he has so much potential - he existed on the good side on crumbs he got from XQC as a kid and even now he’s not abandoning himself to blood lust and madness. And I think that’s He Yu’s tragedy. All that potential ruined.

And then...he literally just takes a swan dive out of the window.

It breaks my heart how he seems to find peace in it.

He and XQC are very different but both have nothing to live for. HY tried to find something and finally gave up. XQC lived for his few people but now thinks they can all take care of each other so he’s superfluous. Neither is actively suicidal (even HY’s dive doesn’t seem planned out, just surrendering to gravity) but neither sees any point in life either - HY struggles against that so hard (only to give in now) but XQC has long given in.

[shadybusdriver]

...Well now that I’ve said I’m gonna post about hyperfixation stuff I’m not sure what I actually want to post.

Uh...

Distortion Detective is really good if you’re looking for a web novel to read! It’s less combat-oriented than the games (provided, there are still plenty of fight scenes) and largely deals with one of my favorite aspects of the PM universe, Distortions! More or less, every piece of PM media takes place in a massive city (simply referred to as “The City”) where megacorporations called “Wings” rule over everybody. Life in the City generally just fucken sucks, and you’re pretty likely to die. (Especially if you’re poor)

I’m bad at explaining its world building stuff, though, so if you’re interested in learning more about the world but don’t wanna play the games, which are where the you’ll find the bulk of the lore, I’d recommend this really nice lore document written by @/wolvzephyr! Do keep in mind that it contains spoilers for literally every piece of PM media that’s come out so far, though. Link to the document here.

Anyways, back to talking about Distortion Detective. As the title implies, it’s a detective novel. It follows detective Moses as she travels around the city attempting to solve cases of the Distortion phenomenon. What’s a distortion? I’m just gonna link chapter 1 right here because I’m bad at explaining things and the story itself is probably gonna do a way better job of it than I ever could :U

But tl;dr: If you’re overwhelmed by negative emotion (sometimes due to the stresses of daily life in a capitalist society, sometimes due to more fantastical catastrophes) there’s a pretty decent chance that you’ll end up turning into a monster representative of your emotions and desires. They get really creative with the symbolism Distortions use, and I’d recommend it highly just for them. It has been cancelled, though. It was so successful that they decided to just make a game out of it. I have mixed feelings on this, because on the one hand a Distortion Detective game DOES sound neat, but on the other that means it’s gonna be a while before the story actually gets wrapped up. :/

It still has a good bit of content available, though!

There’s also a fucked up man you can thirst over, if that’s your thing.

Main page for the series is here!

Also, they’re releasing a comic on December 25th. We don’t really have much info on it yet, but here’s the trailer. (I’m pretty excited for it, though. It looks like it’s gonna be good.)

There’s also Wonderlab, the first comic that was released. This one relies a bit more on you having familiarity with the source material (Lobotomy Corporation, to be specific) so I’m not sure that I’d recommend it to someone who isn’t already a fan of the games, but it’s still pretty great.

Also it’s a pretty good counterargument against the “they/them pronouns are confusing” crowd. Every character is exclusively referred to with gender neutral terms, regardless of how fem/masc leaning they may be in terms of appearance. It also has a really nice art style, and there are a good few sequences I find myself going back to look at every once in a while. (The ‘Oberon’ sequence in particular is probably my favorite.)

You can find Wonderlab here!

[alfredosauce50]

What makes me human [Cyberpunk! America x reader] 15

Wordcount: 3, 484 Rating: T for strong language and mild violence “For you, it can be. I'm actually conscious about the taste and origins. You know those protein jellies Zao makes? They're made of his roommates.” Chapter synopsis: Everyone goes out for a night in town for a day off. While Arthur is complaining about the venue of choice, Allen sulks about the prospect of being replaced. When you disappear to the bathroom, he follows you and comes clean about it, even suggesting that you run away with him. You're reminded that you picked the right choice when you come across some unfinished business. The reader is referred to as she/her.

15 - Blood was on the agenda

“Technology advances, but humans don't. We're smart monkeys, and what we want is always the same. Food, shelter, sex, and in all its forms, escape.”

He could repeat the quote word for word if he wanted.

A week had passed since Zao left the planet, leaving you buried to the neck with work, and him, with an unstable mechanic. Alfred was still wasting away, but he couldn’t bring himself to care when the guy was the source of all his problems. Ever since he returned to the guest room after comforting Arthur, this feeling of abandonment never stopped haunting him.

How could it, after seeing you curl up so comfortably with Alfred? Every night was the same. Allen would face you, hoping you could face him. But it was always your back. Your arms were coiled around the blonde's neck like they belonged there. And the image seared into his mind like branding. It only burned deeper into his soul at every passing day as you stuck closer to the man.

Down a narrow flight of stairs in a secluded street was a pounding nightclub. Two bouncers who could easily take his head off guarded the entrance. With tattoos of dragons etched into their skin, the sight was enough to get Arthur warbling again. “Why did we have to come here? The club across the street looked fine to me!”

Allen clicked his tongue and ruffled his hair.

“If it weren't for the fact that two of your friends are on the hit list, we'd go there. But we need every bit of protection we get.” Holding his hips as he gave the two men a squint, a tense silence fell around the group before they gave a soft grunt. A grin stretched over his face. “Good thing your boyfriend has connections.”

“... Hah...” Digging a hand through his choppy blonde locks, he shook his head with a hard frown. “And because of that, that idiot will turn up dead in a ditch one day...” As he trailed off, everyone entered the establishment. One of the bouncers whipped their head over their shoulder to stare at the group that just disappeared inside.

“Didn't we already let that guy in? The blonde one?” He pointed behind him with a thumb.

“... You're tripping balls, man.” The other sighed.

“Not today, I'm not. The one with the blue eyes. Like an hour ago.”

“Maybe he came in again cuz' he wanted to. It's not that deep.”

“This is why I'm better at this job than you.”

“Eat shit.”

It was a cloudy afternoon. A grayish-blue haze had been cast over the city, but what you walked into was so much dimmer in comparison. Nothing but neon illuminated the interior. Lights that faded from blue to purple lined the countertops. The tiles of the dancefloor were a blinding white. Next to it was a heated pool that glowed blue.

As fog clouded over the surface of the steaming water, it curled around the patrons wading in it. Needless to say, you were hypnotized. “Did nobody actually think of bringing their swimsuit?” Scrambling to the edge, you bent down to your knees and played with the white clouds. “A nice hot soak would do my sore muscles some good.” Before your fingers could do so little as graze against the water, Alfred grabbed your wrist.

“But not for your junk. They're practically swimming in STIs... Just do it at home in the bath.” He grumbled, pulling you up. Shivering at the thought, you let him pull you to the bar.

“But the bath doesn't glow...”

“Not yet, it doesn't.”

Allen narrowed his eyes. The guy was so quick to follow you, then lay hands on you, it had him rethinking his life purpose. Protecting you was meant to be his thing. Hell, it used to be his job, even. And yet, here Alfred was, having replaced him. No way. He was just an outsider in the end, wasn't he?

As he watched your interaction with him, he would soon learn he was right to some degree. Maybe Alfred didn't replace him, after all. He just became another figure in your life. Somebody he never managed to be--yet.

“Let's just grab some grub.”

Ever since Alfred arrived, he'd been wondering what was on the menu.

Hunger might have been history, but not eating. And you knew it well. Shooting him a weird smile, you nudged him with your elbow. “You say you don't have organs, but you still have a digestive system. How else do you use the toilet, huh?” Alfred looked at you, turned away, then looked at you again with his face scrunched up in a scowl.

He couldn't admit it, but you were right down to a T. “It doesn't count. It's not exactly real if it's not made of organic materials.”

Taking a seat by the counter, the stools beside scraped back to be occupied by your friends. While Alfred sat on your left, Allen sat on your right. Arthur took the end. “It's all a social construct.” You piped, much to his displeasure. The word wasn't entirely accurate to describe the emotions flurrying in his chest, however.

Was he frustrated? Yes. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to hear what you had to say. And you didn't disappoint. “If something serves a function in your body, it's an organ. Doesn't matter what it's made of.”

Alfred waved over the bartender. “I'm not having this conversation with you. We're from different generations, so I have a right to brood in peace.”

“Fine. But I won't let it destroy you.”

His breath hitched while he was about to order. “Can I--” Darting his eyes to yours, his voice only faltered at the steely look in them. Tearing his gaze from you had never been so difficult. “... Can I get a yakisoba with extra bonito flakes on the top? And uh, six of these dim sum-thingos?” He slid the menu to you.

“What do you want?”

A soft laugh rumbled from your throat as he refused to look at you. I'm finally getting through to your thick-headed ass, huh? But you couldn't be unreasonable. This was always a touchy subject. “I'll just have these dumplings. What about you two?”

Allen raised his brows, unimpressed. “Lotus chips and beer for me. This isn't the most vegetarian-friendly place in the world. Sucks.”

Arthur smirked. “I know, right? But protection is the priority, I suppose. I'll have the BLT.”

“I don't think you get to side with me when you ordered the worst thing off the menu.” The redhead mused, causing the other to flare their nostrils. He slapped his hands down on the counter to sit further up his stool. “But I get it. Aw, everything reminds me of him! Except for this BLT cuz' it's white.”

“Shut your gob and bugger off, Allen! It's literally just food.”

The said man sipped his beer loudly. “For you, it can be. I'm actually conscious about the taste and origins. You know those protein jellies Zao makes? They're made of his roommates.”

“So what? Not everyone has the same eating habits as you. Deal with it!”

You exchanged funny looks with Alfred. “Don't they get along well?”

“Not as well as us. And it'll stay that way so long as you don't talk about your philosophies.”

“... And that's not happening.” The food finally arrived, so the murmur of conversations came to an end. But it wasn't long before they picked up again. “You're not the only one who can have opinions.” Alfred glanced at you with narrowed eyes. “I can't even say that they're as strong as yours. But you'll have to live with them. Maybe you could learn something new.”

He scoffed, but he couldn't bite back a defeated smile. “C'mon, not this again. You of all people should understand how I feel about that stuff.”

“And I've seen what it does to you.” Alfred hung his head at that. This was exactly what he wanted to hear, but it annoyed him all the same. The hardest topics were often the most worth discussing, and this was a perfect example of it. Giving your chest a few indignant bumps with his head, he sulked like a child much to your amusement. “I'd love to entertain you some more, but nature calls.”

Hopping off the stool at that, he thrust out a hand to grab yours. It all happened so fast, even he was shocked. But it became apparent to you both what just happened—he needed you for one last reckoning. For you to see that expectant look of his, saying how he wasn't done with you. After a few moments, he let go, letting you turn away and run off to do your business.

Life had been such a shitshow you almost forgot the situationship between you and him. Even with his lacking memories, he couldn't forget it either. And now, he just had to wait for the right time.

“Right. That's it.” Allen grumbled, scraping his chair back to hop off.

Arthur glanced up.

“And where the hell are you going?”

“Gonna go with her. I've learned to not trust anything anymore.” Jogging after you at that, the mechanic was left with a fellow blonde.

“Well, would you look at that? It takes two to tango.”

Alfred shook his head. “What?”

“You and Allen, I mean.”

The toilet flushed. Leaving the cubicle to wash your hands in one of the communal sinks, you stared at your reflection as you shook away the water droplets. The pandemonium of the club music had faded to a soft thumping, giving you some space to collect your thoughts. Even in the darkness, what you saw in the mirror couldn't be clearer. It was distinctly different from watching yourself in a pond—where the ripples of the water distorted your image—specifically the one in the garden back at headquarters.

Your old home.

But it could burn for all you cared. This was who you were now. Tired, resentful, and fuelled by a fire of hot vengeance.

“... Whatcha thinkin' about?”

Your heart jumped out of your chest as you turned to the voice. Leaning against the doorframe was none other than your old bodyguard himself. “Oh my god, you scared the crap outta me.”

He craned his head to the side with a grin. “Sorry, a force of habit. Security works better when they're discrete.” You responded wordlessly with a small, wistful smile. As nostalgic as it was to have the man by your side 24/7, he didn't have to do this anymore. And it was better that way. Something about bodyguarding never sat well with you. Not with a man of his talents, anyhow.

Walking in to join your side, he bent down to fold his arms across the sink. Then, he rolled his head up to you. “So... Wanna tell me why you look like that?”

“Like... Like what?” Blinking a few times at the mirror, you leaned in to peer at your reflection.

Allen snorted. “Not literally. Well, not your physical appearance. I can tell when something's on your mind.” Straightening up, he squeezed your shoulder as he stared at both of your reflections. Almost instantly, he felt you tense up beneath his fingertips. “I've known you for nearly eight years, dollface. I'm offended that you're underestimating me.” The man pressed his cheek to yours coyly. “Even if you don’t talk to me about your problems, I can smell em’.”

You outstretched your hands to hold the edge of the sink, breaking away from the contact on his skin. It wasn't anything worth paying mind on your end, but the feeling of your face separating from his was reminiscent of tearing something from its glue. It stung as much as it was destabilizing. It showed in his troubled frown, which deepened when he heard your mirthless laughs while you hung your head.

“I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you.” The loudest silence fell around you both as his eyes went round with grief. “It's... Too productive.” Returning his gaze with a bittersweet smile, he felt himself die a little inside. You weren't spared of the sensation as you continued with an honesty so brutal, it killed you to say it. “I've been trying so hard to make something out of myself.”

Your brows trembled ever so lightly as they furrowed together. “But I'm getting so tired, I wanted to just... Give up on the future. Maybe disappear for a bit. But I couldn't bring myself to come to you or anyone about it. You especially.”

Allen huffed out a pained breath. “Why? I wanna help you! You can trust me with anything, you know that! Out of everyone in the world, I'm the closest to you, aren't I?” Holding onto your shoulders, he gave you a desperate squeeze. “Or am I wrong to assume that?” In this space in time, he never felt more betrayed in his life. The hurt coursing through every fiber of his being was unbearable—he preferred being skewered into by your father's blade to this.

“Because it’s Alfred now?”

Your heart sank as you listened to and saw how wounded he was. His lips were trembling, and tears were threatening to spill from his glassy eyes. Never in your life had you seen him cry. The sight was so sobering you couldn’t hold yourself from pulling him down into a tight hug. “No! It's because you're you.” As your bodies swayed from side to side in the embrace, you dug a hand through his hair and screwed your own eyes shut. “You’re my only family in the world. Nothing and nobody will ever replace you, ever.”

He tightened his hold on you as he let a few tears roll down his face. His eyes had been shut as a last-ditch resort to keep that from happening, but they oozed out the tiny gaps of his lids. “Then talk to me.”

Allen never knew he had this fear, but here it stood before him in all its glory, threatening to undo his sanity at the seams. It was the fear of being a second choice. Being abandoned. He already was once, and it nearly cost him his life. But if you did it--“What makes me so different from the rest? Why would it be easier to say this to everyone else?”

“Because you’ve known me since I was thirteen!” You buried your face into your hands to hide how it contorted with pain. Falling deathly quiet at your sudden outburst, he could only watch as you trembled away. “I’ve been working towards something ever since. I always thought I was scared of disappointing dad. But in the end, I was more afraid of disappointing you.”

Allen pulled you in again, and this time, he didn’t hesitate to kiss your cheek. It wasn’t a first, but the way how his mouth lingered on your skin made it feel like something more—something beyond a platonic friendship—and pulling away felt like a sin in itself. “Don’t think that fucking low of me. You could never disappoint me.” Pressing his forehead to yours, he bit back a contented sigh as your cries quietened to sniffles.

“You have nothing to prove. Fuck expectations. You don't have to live the way everyone wanted you to. Just live how you want.” Reaching up to hold your face, he was at a loss from how satisfied it felt to finally say it. But the moment of truth had yet to come—the culmination of everything he wanted in this world.

“Just run away with me. We can put this all behind us. We don’t have to think about this ever again.”

You held onto his hands that found a place on your cheeks. It was a nice thought. To abandon everything you knew to live a carefree and blissful life with Allen. But you declined with little hesitation. “We don't run from things. It's not who we are.” A sad smile made its way to your face. “And I have too much unfinished business.”

Allen wasn't sure whether to think of your response as rejection. But he wasn't about to let it get to him. “... If you ever do, then tell me. Zao's got a nice retreat in the middle of nowhere. We'll pack our things in the middle of the night and disappear by morning.” Your smile spread to him, but his was more bittersweet.

“I just want you to know that you'll always have a way out of everything. I'll wait for you. So just... Give me a call.” He shoved his hands into his pockets to walk off. With one last wistful look over his shoulder, he added this. “I'll always be your guy.”

Going to the bathroom was meant to clear your head, but here you were, sitting in your lonesome in an empty pool room in the penthouse to mull over the conversation. You would be lying if you said you didn't want to run away with Allen. A part of you wanted to return to how things used to be—when it was just you and him. He was the most important person to you in the world, but so was Alfred. You couldn't just forget about him like fuck all, could you? Breathing out a drawn-out sigh, you watched the soft pulsing of lights of the city at night through the window.

Maybe Allen did want you to forget him.

Fiddling with the gun he left you, the barrel scraped against the counter in small slides. Then, you picked it up with a huff to slide off the stool. It was about time you joined the rest. As you did, you caught sight of a familiar silhouette by the window.

Shrouded in the dimness of the room, their body was nothing but a shadow against the scenery of neon holograms and billboards. With a brief squint, you could recognize the person almost right off the bat.

“Alfred? How did you know to come up here?” Tucking the gun into your back pocket, you couldn't help but grin at the pleasant surprise. The said man spun to your voice, then waved. Your grin would've widened at the sight, but it faded upon discovering he was in a different set of clothes than what he arrived in. He came in a dark khaki military jacket and navy blue jeans.

Weird. When did he change to a kimono?

“Hey! I haven't seen you in ages. Come gimme a hug, dammit!” Tightening his arms around your waist, he lifted you up a few inches off the ground. A few nervous laughs fell from your lips as you held onto his shoulders to stabilize yourself. And they felt... A little softer than you remembered. Warmer. Before you could linger too long on the sensation, he set you on your feet and gleamed.

“Whatcha doing in the club, (F/N)? I thought you didn't like places like these. 'Specially when this one's got ties to the underworld and stuff.”

You craned your head to the side—never have you been this baffled. “... You walked in here with us.”

Alfred blinked. “Oh, did I?”

“... Are you drunk?”

He patted his chest a few times without eliciting any sort of whirring noise—immediately, the interaction changed to an unsettling one. But his answer only confirmed your suspicions. “Nope! Stone-cold sober. It would take more than a few drinks to get this baby down.” He gloated, much to your surprise. But the shock soon morphed into a grim kind of understanding.

Alfred couldn't get drunk.

In a heartbeat, you grabbed his wrist, then felt down his forearm. The utmost terror contorted at your expression as you felt his soft flesh sink between your fingers. You only sucked in a horrified gasp when you witnessed his veins disappear under your presses. It was almost as if he was—“Heh. You having fun there?”

Glancing up at him in a dark glower, you never bothered to open your mouth. Instead, you reached for your back pocket. If he was who or what you thought he was, you couldn't let Alfred see him. He couldn't leave this room alive. However, your conviction couldn't triumph the smallest shred of hope that you were just seeing things. There was one way to confirm you weren't hallucinating.

Blood was on the agenda, and you wanted to see it.

You pulled out your gun at light speed and fired a shot into his palm.

The explosive bang was loud enough to reach a few floors down, including the elevator that just left this one. Allen was whistling to himself when he heard it.

As faint as it was, he couldn't mistake it for anything else.

He shouldn't have left you alone.

[midnightactual]

what gets me and forms a lot of what I react to with Yoruichi is that not every story needs to be written by Stephen King. King has a very particular style of writing where he loves focusing on a place and makes it feel real with brands and colloquialisms and such. Kubo didn’t have to do that. but he did. he put Karakura in Western Tokyo in 2001. he wrote out that Ichigo likes Shakespeare and Mike Ness and Al Pacino and chocolate. he didn’t have to do that but he did it

what’s Ichigo’s favorite Shakespeare play? who’s his favorite Japanese Shakespearean actor? what’s his favorite Social Distortion song? what’s his favorite movie with Al Pacino? what’s his favorite brand of chocolate? don’t know. never comes up. he never talks about or engages on any of these subjects. which version of Tekken did Ichigo lend from Tatsuki? don’t know. they don’t talk about it. Chad likes music but we never see him and Ichigo talk about it. hell we never see either of those two pairs ever actually hang out

and you might say well Kubo didn’t care about interpersonal relationships. but like what did he care about? it’s not that he didn’t cover these things to cover something else. he sets up all this stuff and then never delivers on any of it. mythology? no. history? no. politics? no. morality? no. ethics? no. interpersonal relationships? no. romance? no. religion? no.

he sketches out this world but it stays just that: a sketch. it’s only as deep as pencil marks on a page. that’s boring. go crazy. make pop-culture references. I don’t care if they’re Japan-specific or not. just do something. Gintama did this! it’s not hard! but he just... doesn’t. he doesn’t deliver and not just on things I care about but on anything. it’s always this teasing mystery. it’s always wrapped in ambiguity and cloaked in the fog of the past

so much so that we literally don’t even really know the motivations of any the main villains. Aizen wanted to fill the empty throne of heaven. Yhwach wanted to reunite the realms. Tokinada wanted to hurt people. great. and then what? what did any of that even really mean? why? we get some proxy reasons but they don’t actually work as personal motivations. we spend 400+ chapters in Aizen’s shadow without knowing why. and how is Aizen sent off after 8 real years? Ichigo speculating. he’s shuffled offstage in one chapter. we get flashbacks for Giriko and Jackie and Bazz-B but not Aizen? just tell us dude!

that ambiguity is awesome for RP because you can put whatever you want into the empty spaces and get really wild and creative with it but let’s not pretend he made it for us. on its own without that filling in it’s hollow af. maybe that’s the joke: the series itself is a Hollow

but yeah, that’s why I do my damnedest to fill in the details: I’m not about that life and I hate the contradiction and dichotomy. there’s using an Alfred Hitchcock style where the audience’s mind fills in the blanks with something more interesting than you ever could and then there’s just not doing the work while pretending you did

[shehath-awakened]

Beautiful Deaths: chapter three

A/N: here it issss, ahah. sorry this took me so long but thanks for hanging in there. finally came up with a title yayyy. once again thank you to all of you who are reading, liking, reblogging and commenting! i really love writing this and i hope you love the chapter :)

The following day, you shifted into the form of one of Rosa’s ex-girlfriends under the guise that you were ‘picking up some of your stuff’. this was Rosa’s idea and honestly, it was the best idea you both came up with after an entire night of brainstorming. 

***

“So, can you make yourself look like anything?” she said after the third drink. She was sitting backwards on an armchair with her legs up in the air, her head hanging off the seat. You were lying on the open floor on the rug looking up at Rosa, so your heads were nearly touching.

 “I guess, within reason. I haven’t tested it out that much. What’s your idea?” you looked at the upside-down detective, her black hair cascading to the floor. She told you her plan, her eyes not leaving yours for a moment.

 “How does that work anyway? The shifting? How do you do it?” you looked back up at the ceiling contemplating her question. In all honesty you didn’t really know. When you did try to work on your abilities, something could easily go wrong, and it had. Oh so many times...

 “I can't explain it,” you stated after a pause. “all I know is that if i think really hard about what I want to become... it just happens” you said with a shrug.

***

“God it’s weird to see you as my ex” Rosa exclaimed as you climbed off her bike when you had arrived at the precinct. You couldn’t help the slight hint of a smirk that came to your cheeks over this remark paired with the detective’s eyes moving over your body.

Taking off your helmet you looked over to her still holding the smirk and began walking into the building.

 “It won’t be for long, I just need time to come up with a more permanent solution” you loved the life you had built for yourself and you weren’t going to give it up that easily. Other people might wonder why you were being so paranoid, but, to your knowledge, your powers were unlike those of mutations, making you the only person in new york- potentially the world- with abilities like yours. You couldn't risk Shield taking you in for experimentation. The squad had been briefed on your temporary appearance the night before so none should be shocked when you walked into the bullpen. This, however did not stop Hitchcock forgetting and attempting to hit on you believing you were actually Rosa’s ex-girlfriend.

 Once that had all been sorted out, you and the squad met in the secret location Jake had come up with at the agreed upon time of 9:30 am. Of course, he had decided to come up with an overly elaborate code for everyone to solve revealing the location within the precinct which, unsurprisingly contained multiple Die-Hard references. No doubt Gina helped captain Holt with those sections as he was also there when you and Rosa arrived.

 “Great everyone is here” Jake began as you entered the covert room. “now, before we get to the boring stuff, tell me how awesome the clues were”

“Jake” Amy gently chastised him.

“right, (y/n)’s life is in danger yup” the detective corrected himself quickly.

 “unfortunately, we haven’t come up with a solution yet.” He continued, now looking directly at you. “Shields have such major ties within government and the NYPD that they’d be able to scout you out in a heartbeat.”

 “Is there not any way you can talk to them (y/n)? See what they want?” Boyle spoke up.

 “it’s too risky.” Rosa stated matter-of-factly. “we don’t actually know why they are looking for her, what if it's malicious?” she had an edge to her tone you noticed, what was it? Protectiveness? From then on you stood in silence whilst the squad bickered about what was the best plan of action. You were beginning to feel as the walls were closing in on you and your mouth had gone very dry, very quickly, that wasn’t good.

Once again you feel eyes on you as you look up and see the squad staring at you. You really needed to stop zoning out like that.

 “(y/n)? you okay?” Serg looked at you with concern in his eyes but also with that tint of fear he gets whenever Rosa is having one of her moments. You looked down and saw what the squad were staring at, your body had a green glow surrounding it. You realized that you had possibly been too deep in thought, you'd lost control before but twice in the past 24 hours was a new high score. You took a few deep breaths and the glow was gone as if it had never been there.

 You hesitated, not trusting yourself to speak without vomiting, this had all escalated so damn quickly. Why did you ever have to throw that goddamn chair?

“I-uh-um… I need some air” and with that you left the room stalking up to the bullpen and then onto the roof grabbing a glass of water on your way. For a while you just sat and looked over the streets of Brooklyn.

 How did I get myself into this situation? You internally cursed yourself. That was when you heard the door open and shut behind you.

 “(y/n)?” Jake's voice pulled you from your thoughts, you could hear that his voice, just like Terry's had been, was laced with concern. You turned around to see him slowly approach you as you would a distressed animal so you gave him a smile to let him know he could join you.

 Jake came to sit beside you with both your legs dangling off the ledge. You don’t know how long you two sat there in silence until you broke it.

 “I don’t know what to do.” You said, now using your own voice instead of the distorted one. “maybe Charles is right, maybe I should just go and speak to them? See what they want?” You wanted to sound brave but the quiver in your voice gave you away.

 “No. No I won’t let you do that. You heard Rosa. We have no idea what they really want with you”

 “It can’t be worse than running” you turned to look Jake in the eye. You were truly exhausted from all those years of hiding, pretending. He looked defeated, it hurt him that you were in this situation. Facing the impossible. You went to rest your head on his shoulder, relaxing for the first time in what felt like years. Jake captured your hand in his, holding it as though you would slip through his touch. Again, you sat in silence. You closed your eyes and listened to the traffic below you. The whirr of car engines, the sound of their horns, the civilians down below. Eventually you zoned in on the breathing beside you, the rhythmic intake and release of oxygen. You attempted to match Jake’s breathing to yours, perhaps in effort to be closer to him or to become invisible to the world.

 “Okay, I’m going to go back in there.” Jake broke the silence this time. “the squad and I will come up with something, I promise. We won’t let you down (y/n)” he gave your hand a squeeze and told you to come back inside when you were ready. You sat for a little longer, finishing your glass of water and then decided to return to the bullpen. 

*** 

 As soon as you re-entered the building you felt off. You couldn’t explain it but there was this surge of energy nearby, almost as though the air was filled with static electricity but only you could feel it. You looked around the bullpen and saw nothing out of the ordinary, that is until the elevator doors opened revealing a certain god of mischief.

“shit” you cursed under your breath and attempted to quickly make your way back to the squad. You had nearly made it out of the bullpen but you suddenly found yourself face to face with Loki. Disguising your voice once more you spoke to the god.

 “excuse me” you mustered your courage to look him in the eye hoping you had hidden yourself effectively enough so he couldn’t recognize you.

 “I do apologise miss—”

“Pryce, Jocelyn Pryce” you gave the name of your cover as Rosa’s ex.

“miss Pryce” Loki replied “I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the lavatories”

“Sorry, I don’t work here, you can ask one of the officers and they’ll be able to tell you” you said keeping yourself from running away at full speed like every sinew in your body wanted you to. “if you’ll excuse me I have to get—” you attempted to walk past but before you could take another step you felt his hand on your upper arm, not harsh, but firm enough to keep you from getting free.

 Still looking ahead of himself Loki spoke again.

“enough games lady, I know who you are. I simply want to have a chat” he said gently, but loudly enough for you to hear.

 Of course he knew, he knew yesterday when you were appearing as a fucking dog. Your heart began beating a mile a minute, you tried once again to walk away but Loki still held you, unyielding.

 “I wish you no harm, detective. The avengers do not even know I am here. I simply have a few questions I need answered.”

“so speaks the literal god of lies” you retorted your voice once again fading back to normal. Loki chuckled and looked you in the eyes.

“this is true, but something tells me you are a good judge of character”

You held his gaze, looking for any nuance of dishonesty in it. He was right, ever since you were little you had been able to read people extraordinarily well. It’s what made you such a good detective.

“okay” you finally gave in. “but not here” you looked to see if anyone was watching and took hold of his shoulder. Loki gave you a puzzled look but before he could comment you had teleported the two of you to where the rest of the squad were while also dropping the disguise.

 As you began to teleport the two of you however you felt a strong pull, no, more like a tug. Before you could react, you found yourself materializing right outside the avenger’s tower.

***

“what the hell, Loki?!” you growled under your breath. You got ready to teleport back to the precinct but Loki held you just above your elbow.

“I wouldn’t try going back, we just teleported a long way and from what I can tell you do not have the power right now” he warned. Loki was right, you even tried to don your disguise again but were too drained even for that. You glared at him.

“why the fuck did you bring me here? You said you only needed to ask a few questions” you tried getting away but he still held your arm and not moving.

“I had those questions answered for me when you began to teleport us. I wasted enough time stalling the avengers and had to bring you here, it is my job after all.” He answered, nonchalantly, which only angered you more.

“yeah and since when did you care about rules or orders, huh? I can’t be here, do you not get that?”

“actually this exactly where you need to be. Believe it or not, the team means you no harm, nor does shield. They wish to help you in fact.” This answer just made you scoff.

“help? Tell that to the enhanced that end up on the raft”

“from what I have witnessed today my dear, you are not simply an enhanced” he looked you dead in the eye and you stop attempting to get out of his grasp. You looked up at him, how could they know the difference between your abilities and that of the enhanced? They had seen you throw one chair. Of course you knew the difference but you sure as hell were not going to let them know.

“wait, what? What do you mean? Of course I am. What else would I be?” you laughed at the absurdity of this whole situation. In response Loki looked down at the floor then back at you.

“not here” is all he said. “I understand I haven’t done much to earn your trust, but I can tell you that the avengers simply want to help you control your powers”

“I can control them fine myself” you retorted defensively, in actual fact you knew you couldn’t. you had been lying to yourself for so long; it had been fine when you were little but as you grew, so did your powers but your knowledge on how to use them stayed the same.

“Stark has technology that reads energy surges in the city, we know about the lack of control.” Loki said dryly “

“oh,” this moment would have been comical if not for the threat to your freedom “I'm learning to control it. i just need t-“

Loki interrupted you by taking your hands in his cool ones, looking you in the eye.

“y/n what you need is a teacher. Your magic is powerful, strangely so for that of a midgardian. the avengers, as much as I loath to say this, can help…” Loki paused, debating whether to say anymore. “... I- I can help”

You looked into his emerald eyes, hoping to find some form of dishonesty so you could just go back to your old life. There was none. If it weren’t for Loki still having your hands in his they would have most definitely been shaking.

You took in a deep breath, steeling yourself.

“okay” your voice came out barely as a whisper. “let’s go.” And with that, you walked into the elevator.

TAGLIST

@lozzybowe​

@shuri-owns-my-heart​

@nowheredreamer​

@meowpeeps​

@matchesarelit​

@kwyloz​

[minijenn]

Happy Birthday, Keys to the Kingdom!

Yeah as of today my own special little slice of hell known as Keys to the Kingdom has existed for the world to see for two years now. And its still going strong even into its second half (which I’m VERY much looking forward to!) I didn’t really plan a big huge celebration for Keys’ 2nd birthday (though ya’ll are more than welcome to do something special for it if you’d like, I’d love you forever if you did) But I figured it would go fun to go back through every chapter of Keys written so far and list my top ten personal favorites. So this is that list. Enjoy!

10. Chapter 30: Recuérdame: This was a really fun chapter if I remember correctly; its a nice mix between plot progression and the Coco stuff (featuring some of my favorite scenes from that movie, so playing around with those was great) but I also loved writing the first in story reveal for Xion and the fight between Sora and Xigbar while set to Imelda singing La Lorrona? Fuckin Iconic if you ask me, this one is great 

9. Chapter 31: Destined Reunion: This is mostly a very dialogue heavy chapter where not a lot happens but honestly I just really like a lot of the interactions in it; there’s a lot of Sora being salty towards Riku in here which tbh is kinda fun to write? But there’s also some soft Sokai stuff and towards the end we get some fun/foreshadowy interactions with our resident Goth Club so overall its a pretty neat one :3

8. Chapter 24: Where the Dream Takes You: So I really love the second Atlantis chapter? It veers away from the movie and also follows it just enough to feel unique in its own right and it has a lot of plot progression for the main story, especially in regards to our good friend the Lingering Will; I like the action in this one a lot and I really love the Trinity Trio’s little emotional talk with each other at the end, it tugs at my heartstrings every time I read it :3

7. Chapter 38: So This Is Love: otherwise known as Prom! Honestly this one is just a sweet, cute fluff-fest and it was so much fun to write the kiddos just relaxing and having a good time for a change. The Destiny Trio in particular just filled my heart with so many warm fuzzies here, especially towards the end when they really start romancing it up! Plus everyone in their fancy outfits was a delight to draw and to write about, overall its a grand time for all ^_^

6. Chapter 21: Depths of Despair; golly this one is just a bit ol drama fest but I think its a pretty great one. Sora spends the whole thing captured and tortured and poisoned and it really is just the biggest shift in the tone of the story so far because of that; Maleficent gets to be the center stage baddie for a chapter, Pete gets a bit of development, and we also get some strong moments from Kairi and Axel and the Restoration Committee, and the scene where Kairi brings Sora back from rage form near the end is still one of my favorites; overall there are a lot of little moments in this one that I love in here, its a really good one. 

5. Chapter 33: Song as Old as Rhyme: A great example of a Disney chapter where the overarching plot kind of takes more of the center stage. This one is a wild ride for sure with a lot of action and intensity, and its Not a very good time for our boy between him having a panic attack over Maleficent confronting him again to getting shot in the damn shoulder to being grounded by his boyfriend for lying it really does tear Sora down quite a bit but I looooooved wriiting all that so its high on my list for sure because of it 

4. Chapter 36: Return to Depart; this chapter features two really great scenes right at the start of it, Sora bonding with Aqua and soft Soriku fluff/angst hour. But then I doubled down by giving the boy an identity crisis between all of the different hearts inside of his and wooooooow I love how I wrote it, its trippy and wild and intense and dramatic; even to the end this one is great because we get our first hints of the bond between Sora and Ven and its soft yet solemn all at once and wow despite carrying some scenes from the game I still think this one is pretty standout 

3. Chapter 35: Distorted Reflection: Whoooooo boy this chapter is hella dark and kind of a mind fuck but golly if it wasn’t such a delight to write. Having Sora essentially hear himself list every fear he has and everything he hates about himself is some quality Character Study stuff; there are so many lines in this chapter I keep coming back to in more recent chapters and I really will continue to do reference it as we move along; it’s also pretty standout that Sora doesn’t even win against his phantom in this chapter, my original plan was for him to win but then I was like “no that’s not thematically right, the entire story is basically about him fighting a battle against himself that he can’t win so why should he win the literal battle against himself?” so I made it sad and had him lost until the Mystery Light came around to help him (I also love that entire part, its such a nice bit of comfort after all the angst this chapter brings). Overall, I love the deep intensity and feels of this one its a classic.

2. Chapter 22: Rise and Fall and Rise Again. Basically a biiiiiig ol bundle of hurt/comfort with some soft angst and romance mingled it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this chapter really is just another big long character study for Sora and golly if it doesn’t have some of my favorite moments in the entire fic so far, despite those moments being quiet and understated and mostly emotional more than anything else; I also really love Kairi in this chapter and I love how it develops her relationship with Sora even more towards their eventual Relationship Upgrade. Its also the first chapter of Keys I got teary eyed while writing soooo ya know there’s that. 

1. And finally, my favorite chapter so far: Chapter 27: What Once Was Mine. Gooooosh this chapter has EVERYTHING. It starts out soft and fun and fluffy with some cute romancy moments, then it gradually starts getting more tense and it builds until basically everything’s gone horribly wrong and ends in a really sad kind of solemn place and we get such nice pairing between the Tangled stuff and the Keys overarching plot stuff. This chapter has so many exceptional moments but I really love the entire section where Sora finally comes clean to Donald and Goofy bc I’m destroyed by Trinity Trio feels every time I read it. Overall, I adore this one but I really do think that it’s very soon about to be outclassed by some stuff I have planned for Keys in the very near future :3

And some Honorable Mentions: Chapter 20: Immortals (mostly for its second half, its first half is pretty weak which is why its not on this list); Chapter 10: Sinister Whispers (aka the chapter where Keys finally starts fucking picking up the pace XD), and chapter 16: Unspoken, Unheard (a nice little Kairi character study)

And those are all the chapters of Keys I really love, feel free to drop me a line about what your favorites are (or even just your favorite moments, general discussion about Keys, things you’re looking forward to seeing, stuff like that). A HUGE thanks to everyone who’s stuck with Keys thus far, I can assure you that the best is certainly yet to come.... :3

[i-just-love-spop]

...and then I found you. [Part two]

Part one | Part three

“Good luck?” Adora mumbled.

Was that a thing you said in a situation like this?

She wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, and, uh... Don’t die?” Catra added, more as a joke than anything – then she gulped. She’d never thought about that much before, but... “Can you die during childbirth? Is that- is that a thing that can happen?”

Judging from the look Asa was giving them, that was apparently actually a thing.

The brunette felt her blood run cold.

Melog curled up at her feet and wailed.

“You can?!” Adora shrieked.

“IT’S NOT VERY LIKELY, AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE!” Bow yelled.

“Oh, you might be wrong about the nobody dying part,” Glimmer grumbled under her breath as her pain once again eased off a bit. “If these two keep it up, there might be a murder.”

—

Actually less a request than just the result of me and @darkmasterofcupcakes talking about Glimbow (and stubborn Glimmer that would insist on still working until literally the last minute of her pregnancy) for way too long that spiraled into a huge fic. This is the second out of three parts because this spiraled into another almost four thousand words and would have been way too long if I added what I have planned for the last part.

Companion fic to “One night, I wished upon a star...” which completes the title.

There’s a bit more Catradora in this chapter than there was in the last one, but this is still mainly a Glimbow-fic.

Fun fact about the healer’s name, Asa, by the way: it’s a gender neutral name that means “healer”/“physician” in Hebrew, so their name is also a pun, just not as obviously as everyone else’s.

Summary: Glimmer is very freaked out and having her baby.

Bow is extremely worried and trying to stay calm.

Adora and Catra are trying to help, but are actually just stressing their friends out even more.

Asa really, really wishes they’d picked a different career.

(There is also cursing in this part, unsurprisingly.)

—

“No, you don’t understand! Glimmer is having the baby!”

Adora was panicking. And she was also really, really bad at explaining the situation to the poor healer, who was shaking their head and just extremely confused at this point.  

“You said that already. And tell me again why you’re running around as She-Ra?”

There was no real need to panic that much, but telling Adora that wouldn’t have been of much use – she had an immense lack of medical knowledge when it came to most topics, and explaining things to her properly often took hours. Asa had learned that the hard way over the course of the last few years.

“I- uh-” Adora gulped and hid the sword behind her back. She was so nervous she didn’t even remember she had the ability transform back if she wanted to. ”I might have destroyed a wall on the way here, because the corridors led the other way and I needed to be fast, but it wasn’t a supporting one? I think?”

She was full-on rambling now, grinning sheepishly.

Asa just shook their head.

“Why did I even ask...” They looked at She-Ra again. Nothing the young woman had said so far had explained anything about the situation, and the healer was extremely confused now. “Tell me again why you came here instead of Bow and Glimmer if she’s having the baby?”

Asa still didn’t understand what was going on.

Adora gave up.

“You know what? Forget it. Just... grab the medical supplies.“

They listened, despite their confusion, and grabbed a first-aid set.

“...okay? Now what?”

She-Ra just grabbed Asa by the arm and dragged them along after her.

—

Bow was pretty sure he hadn’t been this freaked out since they’d traveled to space to save Glimmer from Horde Prime’s ship so many years ago.

He needed the others to be back, immediately – especially Adora because there was absolutely no way he could do this without a healer.

He would if he had to, but he really, really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Glimmer was in so much pain, and it was terrifying.

She was usually way too stubborn to admit that she was in pain at all – he vividly remembered that one time when they were younger that she’d broken her arm on a scouting mission and had insisted the entire way back that she was okay and it barely hurt despite the fact that she was unable to move it. ...and that was just one out of several similar examples.

He could, however, only remember about two occasions where he’d actually seen her scream or cry in pain that were even close to comparable to this – one of them had been a teleporting mishap when she was younger, and the other had been when she’d taken a blast to the chest to protect him, which he still felt guilty about so many years later. Both of these incidents had involved several broken bones and had required immediate surgery... and she’d almost died in the second one.

So that she was in this much pain right now was, well... terrifying, to say the least.

He’d read several books on the topic, and they all said that labor was painful, but ‘painful’ wasn’t exactly a great measuring unit for anything.

Was it supposed to be this bad? Was she supposed to be in so much pain? Or was something wrong with her or the baby?

Stars, he was having a really hard time thinking straight at the moment.

Especially since Glimmer was somewhere between screaming and crying the entire time.

“I’m dying. I’m dying! I DON’T WANT TO DIE ON A FUCKING TABLE!”

He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand.

“You’ll be okay, I promise. And you’re not going to die.”

He was trying to calm himself down as much as her. Stars, he’d not expected this to be so scary.

...and maybe it wouldn’t have been, hadn’t it happened in the meeting room instead of her own room or the healers’ chamber.

But that didn’t matter now. The situation was what it was, and they kind of had to work with that. ...no matter how much the thought of maybe having to deliver the baby himself made him panic.

“You just need to remember how to breathe, okay? Just like we practiced.”

Bow’s smile felt weak even to him.

Glimmer squeezed his hand a little too tight and let out another scream, but slowly, very slowly, she started breathing steadier.

That was something, at least.

What was taking the others so long?

‘I swear to the stars, they saved Etheria faster than this...’

—

The door flung open.

“Sorry, I wanted to be here sooner, but Melog was trying to be helpful, and, spoilers, they weren’t, so I spent several minutes collecting the pillows from the floor again. Twice,” Catra mumbled sheepishly as she entered, arms full of pillows.

Melog meowed in protest.

“I- listen, we can discuss this later, okay? Now is not the time.” She handed Bow the pillows and a sterile blue blanket that was still packaged. “Here you go.”

He let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

This was a start, at least. The situation was still more than awful, and he really, really needed Adora to come back quickly... but it was a start.

He took the next few minutes to make his wife as comfortable as it was possible to be on a meeting room table.

Meanwhile, Catra got closer to the table and awkwardly forced herself to maybe try and have a normal conversation, despite the situation.

When she looked at Glimmer’s ashen face that was distorted with pain, the brunette’s heart dropped to her gut.

“Shit, you...” She gulped. “I thought you looked bad at the meeting, but... holy shit.”

The brunette was immensely startled by how awful her friend looked.

“Thanks Catra, THAT IS IMMENSELY HELPFUL RIGHT NOW!”

Glimmer knew she looked awful, considering how awful she felt, she didn’t really need anyone to tell her about it to remind her of it constantly.

Maybe Glimmer would feel bad for yelling at everyone around her so much later.

Right now, she didn’t.

In the slightest.

Catra flinched.

“Right. Sorry. You look great...?” She grinned sheepishly. “I really like what you, uh, did with your hair?”

She had no clue how to deal with the situation.

Glimmer just grimaced.

“...would you please just shut up?“

She groaned.

“Right. Sorry.” Catra rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m... not great with stuff like this.”

“You don’t say.”

This was probably the most deadpan way Glimmer had ever spoken.

“...should I give you guys some space? I’m going to give you space, I should check what’s keeping Adora so long. I’ll be right back.”

She waved awkwardly and backed out of the room.

Melog followed her immediately.

—

“Is this better?” Bow asked when he was finished setting the pillows.

“A little?” Glimmer sobbed, hugging one of the pillows to her chest. The one under her head did a lot to increase her comfort, and the blanket also helped a lot, but... “I just want my bed.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.“ He kissed her forehead. “Later. I promise.”

“But I want it now...”

Her husband sighed.

“Yeah, I know that, too. And I swear, if we could arrange that, I would do it in a heartbeat. But we kind of have to make do with what we have.” He squeezed her hand. “Tell me again why you scheduled a meeting one week before your due date in the first place?”

Maybe distracting her with talking to her would help a little. And even if it didn’t help much, he was still genuinely curious.

He’d already made a mental note to check with their friends and the guards more often when they had their next child – they’d both agreed they wanted more than one relatively early on –, because he was not going to be surprised by another ‘oh by the way, we have a meeting tomorrow at six in the morning’ one week before his wife’s due date ever again, especially not after this.

Glimmer groaned, but she responded anyway.

“Well, I didn’t think we’d spend a week discussing stuff, or that she’d be early...”

Bow raised an eyebrow.

“You know she might not even be early because the due date is just an estimate, right?”

“...huh?” Now that she thought about it... “Shit, Asa did say something like that in one of the earlier checkups and I completely forgot about it.” Glimmer groaned. “I’m such an idiot...”

Really, she had no one but herself to blame for the situation – but she was having a hard time dealing with the pain, and screaming at the world made it a little easier.

When the next contraction hit, she squalled in pain and squeezed his hand again, way too tight, and she knew if she kept this up she would probably end up breaking his fingers, but he just smiled through the firm squeeze and rubbed the back of her hand again.

“It will be okay. And you’re not an idiot. A bit forgetful? Maybe. Way too stubborn? Definitely. But I wouldn’t have you any other way. ...even if it results in our first baby being born in the meeting room.” He chuckled at the absurdity of the situation and squeezed her hand. “I love you Glim. Always have, always will. No matter what.”

“I could just about strangle someone right now because HOLY FUCK THIS HURTS SO MUCH-” She forced herself to take a deep breath and smiled weakly. “But I love you, too, sweetie.”

—

Maybe one minute passed, maybe five, but it felt like an eternity of anxious waiting until the door finally flung open again.

“So, uh, the good news is, I found Adora. And she brought Asa! And medical supplies!” Catra reported when she came in.

“Stars, thank you,” Glimmer sighed.

That was a huge relief.

“The bad news is, uh-“

She-Ra entered after her wife, waving awkwardly.

“Hiii.”

She hid the sword behind her back.

Bow and Glimmer stared at her for a moment.

“Why are you transformed?” Adora was about to reply when Bow lifted his hands. “You know what? I don’t even want to know. Please just keep the weapon away from my wife and the baby, thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. And good, I won’t tell you! Good! I was just...” She stopped mid-sentence. “Holy shit, Glimmer, you look-”

She broke off when her wife gently nudged her in the ribs and shook her head. Instead of finishing the sentence, Adora just gave an awkward thumbs up.

Glimmer groaned and glared at her friends.

“I hate you both.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Bow said, shaking his head.

“Does anyone else want to remind me how awful I look? Bow? Asa? Anyone?!”

Asa, who had entered just after Adora, facepalmed and shook their head as they walked up to the table.

“No, thanks, we’re good.” They looked at Glimmer. “So, judging from the pillows and her apparently extremely close contractions, we’re delivering the baby on the meeting room table, aren’t we?”

Everyone nodded.

Asa facepalmed again.

“...I’ve known you guys long enough. Honestly, what was I expecting.”

“...well this is going to be the fastest delivery I’ve ever helped with,” the healer murmured after they‘d checked Glimmer, choosing to put off asking why the couple had waited until the baby was crowning to call for medical staff.

Their best guess was probably Glimmer‘s stubbornness. That was how they explained most things that had happened since they’d first met Glimmer back when she was ten.

“I- uhm... we’ll be... waiting outside? I guess? Call us if you need anything?”

Adora backed away slightly.

She had no idea what she was supposed to do in this situation. They’d never really talked about who was supposed to be present during the birth of the baby – not that that was a topic they’d discussed a lot in general, and even if they had, the situation would have been way different if the place the baby was being born wasn’t a meeting room table –, and now she wasn’t sure if they were supposed to leave or to stay, but she also knew that listening to Glimmer scream was freaking her the fuck out, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

Judging from Catra’s facial expression, her wife felt the same way.

“We‘ll be right outside the door, so just call if you need us, okay?”

Catra added, and Melog meowed some sort of reassurance that no one except Catra understood.

“Good luck?” Adora mumbled.

Was that a thing you said in a situation like this?

She wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, and, uh... Don’t die?” Catra added, more as a joke than anything – then she gulped. She’d never thought about that much before, but... “Can you die during childbirth? Is that- is that a thing that can happen?”

Judging from the look Asa was giving them, that was apparently actually a thing.

The brunette felt her blood run cold.

Melog curled up at her feet and wailed.

“You can?!” Adora shrieked.

Her face went chalk-white. The thought made her so sick she felt like throwing up was very definitely a possibility right now, and her emotions were completely all over the place, so much that She-Ra disappeared and regular Adora was back – which, all things considered, was probably for the best.

“IT’S NOT VERY LIKELY, AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE!” Bow yelled.

That was not something he wanted to be thinking about right now, and despite knowing that it was extremely unlikely, the fact that Catra had just brought it up made him freak out all over again and the mental image would probably be haunting him for weeks, even if Glimmer was fine afterwards.

Which she would be.

She’d be fine.

Bow closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘I think I just forgot how to breathe for a moment.’

“Oh, you might be wrong about the nobody dying part,” Glimmer grumbled under her breath as the pain once again eased off a bit. “If these two keep it up, there might be a murder.”

Asa decided now was probably the time to interfere.

“Glimmer is going to be okay. I know the pain she’s going through right now seems scary, but it’s nothing out of the ordinary given the situation. You two can stay in here if you want, or you can wait outside, but please just decide now, and whatever you do, don’t stress her out even more by talking about the possibility her dying in front of her. She will not die, and this is not exactly helpful right now.”

“Yeah, I- Right. We‘ll be- outside or something,” Catra mumbled, just as shaken up by the information that apparently, there was a possibility – however small it might be – that Glimmer could die, as her trembling wife was.

She put an arm around Adora and rubbed her back when they left the room, both knowing that they wouldn’t go very far because if something went wrong while they were away, they’d never forgive themselves.

—

“Can I have some pain meds? Can I please have some pain meds?” Glimmer begged as soon as they’d left the room.

She hadn’t really dared to ask while her friends had still been in here, considering how terrified they’d already been, but she couldn’t take the pain a second longer.

Asa looked at her deadpan.

“My apologies, your Majesty.” That already wasn’t a very good sign. The healer usually just called her Glimmer because they’d known each other since Glimmer was little, and when it came to formal titles, they were usually only brought up when Asa was either annoyed or about to tell the then-princess and now-Queen something that she didn’t want to hear, or both. “I could have done that if you came into the healers’ chamber, like, two hours ago. By the time they would start working, you’ll be long done with the delivery.”

Glimmer felt sick. She was terrified. There was absolutely no way she could do this without medication.

“No, that’s fine. Just give me some pain meds. The baby can stay in there a little longer until the meds kick in!”

It wasn’t a rational or realistic idea, and somewhere deep inside her head, she knew that, but she was so freaked out that she would have done pretty much anything for at least a gleam of hope that she wouldn’t have to do it like this.

She was also in massive denial, plain and simple.

"Keep telling yourself that, because that's really not something you get to decide...“

Realistically speaking, the Queen had up to a couple of minutes at max, probably less, until her body would do the job for her, no matter how much she tried to resist. No matter how stubborn the Queen was, she couldn’t go against her body’s natural instincts. That wasn’t how that worked.

Asa shook their head. They really, really should have chosen a different career.

Glimmer just sobbed.

"Please... You have to give me something, because it literally feels like I'm being torn in half right now..."

“Isn’t there anything you can do?” Bow asked, squeezing Glimmer’s hand again.

He couldn’t stand seeing his wife in so much pain.

Asa shook their head.

“I’m sorry, but I really don’t have anything that would take effect before the baby is born, so that would be kind of useless... that won’t change, no matter how often or how nicely you ask.”

Bow was actually a reasonable, sensible guy most of the time – he was probably the only one out of this group of four friends that was; at least when it came to injuries.

Asa liked him a lot.

That didn’t change the fact that there wasn’t anything they could do about the situation.

Glimmer just sobbed. Her husband rubbed her hair.

“I’m such an idiot. I should have realized something was off with the whole practice contractions-situation...”

Bow felt awful.

“Yeah, or maybe I should have just told you what was going on when I figured it out, but what difference does that make now?!“

The love of her life feeling guilty about something out of his control just made her feel worse, not better.

She just wanted this to be over...

“It will be over soon, Glimmer, I promise,” Asa said and smiled at her encouragingly. “Just stay awake, breathe and push when I tell you to, okay? Your body will do most of this on its own, anyway. You’ll get through this.”

The Queen got on their last nerve sometimes, but Asa had known her for a long time, and at the end of the day, Glimmer was a good person that they liked a lot, even if she drove them crazy most of the time.

“You can do this,” Bow said, squeezing her hand again.

Glimmer took a deep breath and closed her eyes, still immensely terrified, but also determined now.

“Okay... Okay. I can do this. I can do this.”

—

“Do you think we should go check on them again?”

Catra and Adora were sitting against the door just outside the room, leaning against each other.

The blonde was anxious.

Glimmer being in pain freaked her out, the whole possibility of death during childbirth freaked her out even more and that she was unable to actively help made things so much worse.

Catra was hugging Adora with one arm and petting the equally terrified Melog with the other arm to calm them down a bit.

Neither of them wanted to be far away from Glimmer and Bow, especially in case something went wrong, and they needed She-Ra’s healing powers, or more pillows, or-

The fact that Catra was just about the same level of scared and anxious and restless as her wife and Melog definitely didn’t help the situation, either.

The brunette nodded as her body tensed up again.

“I mean, maybe they need something!”

They had to check on them to make sure Glimmer was still alive. Immediately.

“Right?!”

Both of them got up simultaneously, Melog jumping up and exchanging some worried words with Catra as their emotion indicator fur turned red again, and all three of them all but broke down the door together when they entered the room.

—

Asa groaned when the door flung open.

‘Not this again...’

This was the third time that Catra and Adora had walked in during the past five minutes, and each time they’d only taken a quick look at their friends to then immediately walk out again.

"Listen, you two, I really do need to concentrate right now, and so does Glimmer, and this distraction of you constantly entering the room to then leave it again is not helping, so either you take a seat and stay or you remain outside from now on."

They were really getting on Asa’s last nerve.

This was the second time today that the healer really, really wished they’d picked a different career.

"But-" Catra started.

She didn’t even get close to finishing the sentence, however, because this was finally the last straw for Glimmer, who had, all things considered, taken a surprisingly long time to blow up at her best friends.

“YOU TWO ARE STRESSING ME OUT MORE THAN THE ACTUAL CHILDBIRTH!” That was not really true because the whole situation felt much more stressful than everything Glimmer had ever experienced and everything hurt way too fucking much, but Adora and Catra were making things way, way worse. She’d had it with these two for today. “SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN IMMEDIATELY OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND STAY OUTSIDE!”

That did it.

The two of them jumped a mile in fright at the time of her voice, then sat down on the floor immediately.

The Queen smiled through her pain in a really weird, but immensely satisfied way.

“Thank you.”

The two women were instantly reminded why they’d continuously left in the first place despite wanting to constantly check on Glimmer when the latter let out another anguished cry.

Catra and Adora just pulled each other close, burying their heads in each other’s shoulders. This was scary.

This was really, really terrifying.

They winced at each of Glimmer’s screams, neither of them daring to look.

Melog was curled up against Catra’s back, whimpering.

It felt like an eternity passed in what was in reality just a couple of – albeit terrifying – minutes.

—

“Just a couple more pushes, okay? You can do it.”

Asa gave the Queen another encouraging smile.

Glimmer groaned, then screamed and clenched her fists. Just a little more. Just a little more and this will all be over.

Bow stroked her hair gently. He had no idea how much pain she was exactly in right now, and he really, really wished it wasn’t this painful for her... but he was also so, so incredibly proud of her.

“It’s almost over, okay? You’re doing great.”

She smiled at him weakly, took a deep breath, let out another scream and closed her eyes to gather every bit of strength left in her body.

—

The next couple of minutes passed in a blur.

And then finally, finally, finally the pain let of and a loud cry filled the room. Soon afterwards, the pain was gone almost entirely.

Glimmer let out a sharp breath.

“Well that was a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be,” she mumbled weakly, sinking back into her heavenly soft pillows.

Then the world went black.

[mila-dans]

Spells Out Trouble: Up Around the Bend

This is chapter six of “Spells Out Trouble.” Masterlist Here!

Chapter Five: Owner of a Lonely Heart

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word count: 5020

Summary: You have been with the Winchesters for several years now going through all the literal trials and tribulations with them. What happens when Dean gets hit by a love spell and becomes head-over-heels for you? Will your pushed down emotions finally rise or will you get in over your head? Find out what happens when your best friend’s hard exterior becomes mush whenever you end up in his eyeline.

Just so you know: This is my first Fanfic so sorry if there are aspects missing. “Spells Out Trouble” is a series with about ten chapters. If you have any suggestions or tips, I’d love to hear from you. Thank you and I hope you enjoy it! (Also, not my gif!)

He signaled for you to come over to a room. “So this is your room,” he said as he opened the door. You ran inside and took off your wet layers that became soaked from the rain. “I paid for three nights upfront. Me or Cas should swing by later with some of your clothes and stuff. Okay?”

You go back towards the door.

Slam

---------------------

Crying. Sobbing. Screaming. Terror.

“Help!”

“Help us, please!”

“I just want to go home!”

“Help me! Save me! Please!”

The cries and pleas for help continue. It sends shivers down your spine and makes you feel as if you too were in just as much anguish and pain. The lights kept flashing on and off. All your senses were distorted. All you heard were screams, all you saw was abrupt streaks, and the smell… The smell was the worst part. It smelled rotten, nasty, filthy. Burning flesh, bones smothered with flames. It was hell. Hell on earth. The underground basement was so wide and vast, the echoes of the screams only made it more difficult to navigate.

“Mom,” you struggled to say with the heat and lack of water taking all the moisture from your throat. “Mo--Mom.” You continued to croak. You kept going through the halls, passing by all the cages filled with children. Cages that could’ve just as easily had you in. “Mom!” You try to shout, but instead only hearing the raspy affects.

“Y/N?!”

You look up to see her there. Your mom. She was covered in blood from head to toe. She reached out to you as you fell into her arms. “Momma!” You started to revitalize the idle tears that had been streaming down your face.

“I’m here, baby. I’m right here!” She says while lifting your head up to see the darkened under eyes and pale complexion. She managed to wipe some of the dried blood from your face before she put you back into her comforting embrace. “I’m right here, baby.”

“Where--where’s dad?” You muster out, sending a shocked look your mother’s way.

“He--He’s not here?! With you?!” You shake your head no in reply. “Okay,” she says trying to remain calm. “Okay. Here’s what’s gonna happen: baby, you go and you break everyone out of here. Once you do, you go with them and take them far, far away from here, okay?”

“But, what are you gonna do? I can’t leave you and dad?”

“Yes you are, Y/N! You leave and you run and you keep going! Don’t stop and don’t come back. I’m gonna create a distraction to keep the witch busy. Then I’m gonna find your father and everything will be alright. Okay, baby? Can you do that for me?” She nods yes to your nodding no.

“No! Momma, I can’t leave you!” You cry out.

“Yes, you can. You will. And then tomorrow, we will go out for a snow cone like we always do for your birthday. Okay? It’s okay.”

“No, mom,” you keep saying.

“Yes. And look at this,” she pulls out a silver dagger, “here’s an early birthday present. Okay? Happy early sweet 17 Baby!” She pulls you in for another hug. She remains strong even as the world seemingly falls apart. “I love you, baby!” She says as she pulls away.

Lights flash. People scream. She’s gone.

--

After getting all the kids from the cages and taking them outside and down the street, you looked back at the witch's house. Your mother, your father, your life was still inside. And quickly, you too were inside.

--

You walked up from the basement, into the living room. You knew you were going against your mother's words, but you didn’t care. You needed to save them. You had to help them. You stood behind a big china cabinet in the dining room, watching as the witch had your parents pinned to the wall.

“This is what happens, you imbeciles, when you screw with me!” The witch shouted. “You die!” She started to choke your parents with just the formation of her hand.

“No!” You shouted as you leaped from behind your shield. “Let them go!” You ordered as you aimed your gun at the witches head.

“Oh, honey,” the witch says with a smile. “That was real stupid.” She lets your parents fall down and then she grabs a knife, turning her attention towards you.

Thud

“No!” You scream out as you go to your mother. Your father raced after the witch but you stood by your mother’s side. In shock. In peril. “No. No. No,” you say as tears start to form. This was all your fault. If you would’ve just stayed outside and listened to your mother, your now dying mother. Your mother who is bleeding out all over the floor from a knife to her heart. The same mother who jumped in front of you, is now choking on her own blood.

“Pr--Promise me..” She says as the blood overflows her mouth. “Take care of your father--take care--I love…” And with that, her last dying breath, she made you promise to take care of your father. A promise that you so stupidly and selfishly broke. Only two years later did you leave your loving dad. Only three years after that did your dad die, only two days after your own mother’s death anniversary. You left, they died. You tried, they died. No matter what you do, they still die. You killed them. It is all your fault. All of it is on you. All those lives and their blood are on your hands.

------------------

“Ah! Ah! No! Ah!” The screeches sounded worse than the sirens.

“Y/N!”

“Ah! Ah!”

“Y/N!”

“No! Ah! Ahh!”

“Y/N, wake up!”

“No!” You said as you shot up from the bed. Sam had his arms shaking you so that you could awake from your nightmare of memories.

“Hey! It’s okay!” Sam says as your heart beats faster and faster. He puts you into an embrace holding you tight and close as he rubs your back. “It’s okay.”

“No!” You say as your voice cracks.

“It’s okay. Deep breaths, Y/N. Deep breaths. Shh. Shh.” Sam tries to help you calm down.

“No,” you say, still stuck in the nightmare.

“Cas, get some water!” Sam orders. “It’s okay. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.” Sam pulls you away from him and props some pillows behind you. “It’s okay, Y/N. Here,” he says as he gives you some water.

You take a minute to stop the loud pounding in your chest. You notice the surroundings. It was Sam and Castiel in the motel room where they had last left you. The door looked as if it had been busted open while remaining on slightly damaged hinges.

You take a deep breath as Sam and Cas look at you while sitting on the bed. “What happened?” You say as you clear your throat.

“We didn’t hear from you yesterday,” Cas says. He was right. It had been three days since you found a new residence in this motel and you tried to send a text or a call every day. Yesterday, you just didn’t.

“Yeah, we figured we’d come by to check in one you. We came and then we heard the screams,” Sam continues.

“Yes, I knocked down the door so that we could make sure you were alright. Are you alright? Did someone do this to you?” Cas asks. Always worried.

“Ha,” you laugh sarcastically. “I wish someone did this to me. That way, I could kill them.” You smile trying to lighten the mood and take another sip of water, trying to strengthen your hoarse voice.

“What is it then?” Cas asks again.

You chuckle. “Sam knows. It’s called night terrors.”

“I didn’t know that you had them, Y/N,” Sam replies with a sincere voice.

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me, pal.”

“Actually, Dean told us what happened.”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry for what happened, Y/N,” Cas says. “I would’ve never asked how you were if I knew how you were.”

“It’s alright, Cas. I think that’s how the whole asking thing works.” You smile trying to change the tone of the situation.

“Y/N?” Sam asks.

“Yep?”

“Why,” Sam takes a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell us that? That’s insane to keep all of that to yourself.”

“It--It’s sad. It’s my fault and I didn’t want you guys to think less of me. I mean, you’ve already accepted me as a part of your family, one which I do not belong in.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. It wasn’t your fault and you are just as much a part of this family as me, Dean, and Cas are family.” Sam goes in for another hug. “We love you, Y/N. So much. I love you and you don’t have to hide anything.”

“He’s right,” Cas adds. “About everything. I think of Sam and Dean as brothers just as much as I think of you as a sister.” You wipe your eyes and smile.

“You don’t have to deal with that type of stuff alone. We are here for you, right now.” Sam smiles at you. You look to Cas and he is doing the same.

“Okay,” you let out as you straighten your position on the bed.

--------------------

You told them everything. You let it all out. For the first time, in ten years, you finally opened the memory drawer and viewed it all. Your life as a hunter, your mother’s death, your leaving your father, your father’s death, and you finally running away. You ran away and then ran to the Winchesters. The three of them had saved your life. Again. And again. And now. The cheesy therapy session that you had between Sam and Cas actually helped. That part of your life has left a scar but there’s no need to keep picking at it. It’s in the past. You’re in the present. Time to look to the future.

-------------------

It had been a month since you left the bunker. Two weeks since you left the crappy motel room and instead moved to one of Bobby’s old hunting cabins. And one week since you last saw one of the boys. Sam and Cas would check in everyday. Occasionally they would even visit to bring some supplies or just to see how you were. You had worked a case or two with Cas while Sam was off doing who knows what with Dean. You hadn’t talked to Dean since that night. The night that he kissed you and instead of continuing the kiss, you had run away. You were still worried that Dean might try something again so you thought it would be best if you weren’t in communication with him. Cas said that Dean had managed it all by drinking, sleeping, and refusing to eat all day. He said that Dean would go out on a hunt then right back into his bed. Heartbroken. Sam summarized. Wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t even talk.

Heartbroken. Which one of you really were?

As soon as you could find a cure, Dean’s status would just fade away. You had kept looking as did the rest of the gang, for a cure. It still bothered you every time you picked up a book to fix the situation that you didn’t really wanna fix. Your heart? Would the pain just fade away? Would it only hurt worse once Dean sees how you used him while he was under the spell? How you messed with him? Kissed him? It wasn’t drastic but it was you and Dean. Something that you have wanted for so long. You can even remember the day that you fell for him.

-------------------

Three years ago. Chesterfield, Missouri. Damn Nazis.

“Hey, hey! We’re good,” Dean says trying to convince the little girl who had ended up in the crossfire. “Everything’s fine. Okay? Just stay right here.” The little girl nods as she goes under the desk. “Good girl.”

“Where are they?!” You ask, trying to search the classrooms for the kid that the Thule had taken.

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” Dean says. He shoots two more guys as they walk into the art classroom with weapons aimed. “Uh, uh…. Hang on!” Dean rushes to a set of lockers.

“No!” A little boy cries out as Dean opens the door.

“Hey! Hey pal! It’s me,” Dean says warmly, trying to calm the child. “I need your help, kiddo.” The child nods his head. “Good. I need to know if there are any other exits in the school that you can think of. Any that aren’t the main or back entrance.”

“Um..” The kid thinks.

“Any places? Think real big for me.”

“The playground!”

“Playground! Great, where can we get to the playground?”

“In Mrs. Amber’s room in the east hall.” The kid nods in reassurance.

“Thanks, pal.” Dean shuts the locker again, keeping the boy safe and out of harm's way.

“East hall?” You ask. Dean nods.

--

“Where are the hunters?” Thule member number one asks. “Find them! Now!” He yells, sending away his fellow idiotic psychopaths in arms. He goes over to the little child who is cowering in the corner. “Little girl? Do you know why we are here?”

“N--no,” she replies so scared.

“Well. You are a very important child my dear,” he says as he brushes her hair.

“I am?” She croaks out.

“Oh, yes my child. Very, very important.” He pats the top of her head and moves over to a globe. “See this?” He asks, pointing to Germany. 

“America?” She asks innocently.

He chuckles. “No. This is the great country called Germany. Not some putrid collection of simple-minded barbarians and their pig sties. This, right here, is your home little girl.” He smiles, terrifying the girl even more. “No, no, no my, Liebchen. Do not be scared. You are going to see your family.”

“No. I wanna stay. I want my momma!” She starts to break down crying again.

You hear the girls screams from the halls. You move closer to the source. Dean signals for you to take out the guards as he gets the girl. “One,” he mouths out, “two, three!”

You fight and take out the five guards that wanted a piece of you. Thankfully, they didn’t have a good grip on their guns as you were able to successfully kick them out of their hands. You knocked two of the guards out with a fist to the head. The other three all tried to go at you, as you did one groin punch to another.

Pow

“Ow,” you said as the shot hit your shoulder. You didn’t have time to think or cry. You snatched the gun of his hand and shot him, the two standing, and the two on the ground. You took your hand and placed it on the pain. Two inches to the right and you would’ve been done for.

“Y/N!” Dean yells as he sees the blood on your hand.

“Hey,” you say as you start to fall. Dean runs over to you, catching you right before you can hit the ground. “Did you get him?”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you okay?” Dean asks with a worried tone.

“I uh, got shot. Been better.” You smile.

Dean rolls his eyes as he can tell it isn’t serious. “Alright, slugger.” He lifts you up and he puts your arm around his shoulder as you head back to the classroom.

--

He sets you down at a desk as he starts to go over and gather all the children from their hiding spots.

You laugh a little in your head as you watched Dean take the hands of every boy and girl, escorting them outside. One after another, after another, until it was just you and him. He made sure every kid was out and away. Sam wouldn’t have done that. He would’ve just called the cops. Castiel wouldn’t have even thought to do it. He would be set on taking care of the bodies. But Dean, Dean made sure they were safe.

Dean had a gentle heart though his hard exterior may lead you to believe otherwise. Dean had always made you feel safe. It wasn’t that way with Cas or Sam. You trusted Dean. Even his gut feelings for things amazed you enough that you view it as fact. You knew Dean would be there to catch you. He always was. You always loved to pick on him and mess with him. Maybe it was because you couldn’t deal with the fact that he was pretty perfect. He was what you saw as being perfect. He could carry the world on his back while still making sure you, Sam, and Cas were okay. He went through it all and came out the other end. He never gave up. Never quit. It was him. It was always him.

--

Dean shut the car’s door and moved over to you in the seat. “Alright, lemme see.” He said as he pulled you close to him. 

“What about the bodies?” You asked as you backed away.

“Sam can take care of it. He hasn’t done anything else today,” he answers as he pulls you close again.

“I’m fine,” you say as you slide away again. Dean rolls his eyes and pulls you back in close to him.

“Let me see.”

“No, I'm fine.”

“Well, if you’re fine then why won’t you let me see?”

You throw your head back and huff. “Fine.” You start to unbutton your flannel and strip down to your tank top. You show the wound to Dean. “There. I’m fine.” You start to pull on your shirt but Dean stops you.

“Would you quit it? Why won’t you let me help you?” Dean asks frustrated.

“Cause I don’t want your help if I can do it myself,” you answer.

“When are you gonna realize that you aren’t on your own anymore?” Dean pulls a first aid kit from under the seat. “And I know you can do it yourself but I’m here so you don’t have to.”

“I know I'm not on my own. I just don’t want to have to depend on you.” Dean wets the cloth with alcohol and places it on the wound. “Ow,” you wince.

“Well,” Dean dabs the spot and puts more alcohol on it. “Yes, you don’t have to depend on me but you also can. And I’d take advantage of that cause I die often.” He takes some gauze and wraps it around your shoulder. “You should enjoy me while you can, sweetheart,” he says with a smile.

You pull your shirt back on and button it up. “Yeah, quit dying, Winchester. It isn’t an achievement.”

“Right, but you’re just saying that cause you're a death virgin,” he smirks.

“What?! Really? You're gonna play that card?”

“Don’t worry. I don’t judge. In fact, I think it’s very pure of you,” he says with a chuckle.

“If you want me to die then I’ll go and get myself killed! You really want that?!” You say with a rising anger towards Dean’s snarky comments.

“No,” he says with a sincere tone. “I don’t want that, believe it or not.”

“Really?” You say, surprised with his shift in tone. “Why?”

“I’d uh, I’d miss you. You’re family and I’ve already lost so much. I don't want to lose my best friend too.” He looks at you as he fiddles with his keys. “So don’t die. Don’t ever die. Don’t you dare cause if you do,” he looks at you with a stern face, “I’ll kill you.” He smiles as you roll your eyes.

---------------------

That’s when you feel in love with Dean Winchester.

After saving the kids and the moment in the car, you could tell that you had fallen head over heels for him. The last thing that you remember about that day was getting blackout drunk, and magically waking up in your bed the next morning. But you realized after your hangover that alcohol wasn’t gonna make those feelings go away.

Now, you just wish you could magically wake up from this dream. This nightmare. You hated being away from the boys, your family. Diving into cures for Dean’s ailment was a priority. You wish you could focus more. You wish you could want it more. Sure, you wanted the real Dean back but this Dean, this Dean made you feel good about yourself. This Dean looked at you like you wish he would. Dean meant so much to you and you wished you meant something to him too. You loved him. It wasn’t because of his looks or his intelligence. It wasn’t because his strength or his wit. It was his heart. His kind and loving and caring heart. The heart that sold his soul for his brother, forgave his best friend after he wronged him, and gave you redemption when you needed it.

You miss that heart.

You want that foolish heart back.

You are gonna get that heart back or die trying.

------------------------

Bzz. Bzz.

You searched the room for your phone. You had the books scattered about the cabin and would trip over them every night and morning. It was all just one big blur. You would spend hours a day, if not the whole day, researching a cure to get Dean back. Anything and everything seemed to be a viable option.

Bzz. Bzz.

“Hello?” You asked as you picked up the phone.

“Y/N?” Sam called.

“Hey, Sam! What’s up? How is he?” You take a seat on the couch.

“He’s uh, he, he’s the same,” Sam struggles to say.

“Right,” you sigh. “Heartbroken.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You did what you thought was best when you left. It’s not your fault that he’s like this.”

“Yeah, but it’s not not my fault either,” you try to explain.

“Do I miss my brother?” Sam says with a saddened tone. “Yeah, I do. But that’s why I called.” Sam pauses to take a breath. “I think we’ve got something.”

“What?” You ask.

“It’s time you come home, Y/N.”

-----------------

“Y/N!” Sam shouts as he walks over to hug you.

“Sam!” You wrap your arms around him.

“I’ve missed you, Y/N. I’m happy you’re home.” He smiles.

“Me too and well, me too,” you say with a laugh. “Is Cas here?”

“No, he had to do something with Heaven.”

“And you let him go?! You know they want to kill him right?!”

“Yes! Yes. I know but he said he had to.”

“I’m gone for one month and already Cas is possibly in danger,” you sigh but give a sly smile.

“I know!” Sam says sarcastically. “Without you, it’s been one great big ball of chaos. I mean, no one to boss us around or make us dinner. No one to do our laundry!”

“Oh, shut up!” You say as you hit him on his shoulder. “Speaking of chaos though,” you say shyly, “where is he?”

“In his room. I told him what was going on and he thought that he should just stay out of the way.”

“Good,” you say unconvincingly. You missed him.

“I’m glad you're back, Y/N.” Sam says with a smile.

“And now that I am, what have you got?”

------------------

You and Sam had set up shop in the Library, going through one book after another. Sam had found an old book that had about two-hundred different spells and cures in all sorts of different languages. He called you because you just happened to be bilingual. One translation led to a book and another translation to another. It took about six hours straight till needing a break got to you. But you wouldn’t quit.

“Come on,” Sam said as he begged you to stop reading for just a second. “We’ve been looking at this all night. Give it a break.”

“No. We are so close. I can feel it,” you reply without even taking your eyes off the page.

“The more you try to figure this out, the worse of a headache you’re gonna get.”

You stare at the page and notice something. You grab the magnifying glass from the table and examine the seam of the page.

“What is it?” Sam asks, noticing your shift.

“It’s the page.”

“What about it?”

“It’s missing.” You look up at him as you both share a thought.

------------------

“Dean!” You yell as you race down the hall to his bedroom. You start banging on his bedroom door. “Open up the damn door now!” You shout.

The door opens slowly and you push through and start rummaging through the desk drawers. You take notice of all the empty bottles. From beer to vodka. They filled the empty space in the room.

“Where is it?! And don’t play dumb with me cause I know you took the page!” You turn to look at him. You see him for the first time since that night.

He stares at the ground with his head hung low. He has a short beard. Grown out his stubble. His complexion is paler than you've ever seen before. His freckles are showing all over his face. Under his eyes are dark circles. He’s the worst shape you’ve ever seen him in other than when he is bloodied and covered in bruises. But this was different. You could hear his heavy breaths. They were uneven. He was nervous. He looked lost. He wouldn’t let himself look at you. He was backed in the corner, scared like. He was heartbroken. Just like they said he was. Only you couldn’t picture a heartbroken Dean. This was awful and unlike any state you’ve ever seen him in. You hated to see him like this.

“Where is it?” You ask sincerely. He turns his head away, still refusing to look at you. “Dean, tell me where it is?” He stares at the ground. You turn back around and keep going through his drawers. “This would go a lot faster if you would just tell me where the page is, Dean.” You go through the box under his bed. “Why would you take it? You could’ve stopped so much from happening if you just told us you found the cure.” You find a folded page placed in a notebook.

It was it. You found the cure.

You shake your head at Dean. This all could’ve been avoided if he would’ve just fessed up to the knowing the antidote. You could cure him now. You could fix him. It would all be over. It would all just be over. You headed to the door and were going to go back to Sam and fix up a reverse spell.

“I know you’re in love with me,” you hear Dean say. His voice stops you in your tracks. The voice sounds so deep. Heavy and burdened. You turn around to see Dean standing there with tear-filled eyes. You look at him confused about his remark. “I hid the cure cause I know you're in love with me, Y/N.”

Your heart drops. “What?” You say as your voice cracks.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you and I know you're in love with me. I hid it cause I wanted you to be happy. To be happy with me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He looks at you so lost. He looks so hurt and in so much pain.

“Dean,” you try to say but instead he rushes over and just holds you tight.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he puts his one hand on the back of your head, pushing it close to him while his other hand is wrapped around your waist. “I just have to make sure you’re real.” You wrap your arms around him and squeeze him tight.

“I’m real, Dean.” You look up to the lost boy as he looks down at you. You go to sit on the edge of the bed as you take Dean’s hand so he does the same. “Dean, we have to fix you.” The words cut your throat as they come out. “We have to fix this.” Dean tilts his head down as tears start to fall from his eyes. You put your hand on the side of his face to get him to look at you.

Poor Dean. Poor, sad, heartbroken, in pain, Dean.

“I just… I just am so happy. For the first time in forever, I’m happy, Y/N. And it’s because of you.”

“Dean, it’s not real. This isn’t real.”

“It’s real enough. I’m not hiding anything. I don’t feel burdened. I don’t feel bad, I feel great. When I see you, I get butterflies in my stomach. I feel faint just by looking at you. Your my compass, always steering me straight. I’m a wreck without you. I just want you. I want you and me till the end of time.”

“No, Dean. This isn’t really how you feel. You’ve got to know that this is just the spell.”

“I know I love you. I know you love me. And I know the only way to prove it to you is to do the reverse spell.”

“You--you wanna do it?” You asked, shocked.

“I know you’ll never accept that I love you while I’m under the spell. And you’ll never love me back while like this. I loved you before the spell and if fixing me and taking away my happiness is how I can finally get you, then it is worth it.”

You close your eyes, overwhelmed that Dean is more onboard than you seem to be. You can feel his hand on your face and as you open your eyes you see his bright emerald eyes.

“Dean…” you almost start to cry.

“Shh, it’s okay.” He smiles at you and you laugh a little. “I just want you to be happy.”

You take a deep breath and start to get up and walk towards the door. You feel Dean tug on your hand and pull you back. You turn back to look at him as he hangs on to your hand.

“Please,” he says. “Please don’t go again. Stay. Please.”

Without any objection, you walk back towards the bed with your hand in Dean’s. You lay on top of the covers facing Dean. He turns off the light and you just stare at each other. Hand in hand. Your eyes slowly close as you drift off into sleep.

“Tomorrow's Gonna Be a Brighter Day.” - Jim Croce

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Hope you enjoyed it!

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​Chapter seven: Beautiful Sunday