#there's just SOME kind of queer allegory going on there. all of them at once i guess

[wastrelwoods]

will graham rly can do it all hes gay he's bisexual he's one of those straight men who fucks other men but exclusively tops he spans the full asexual spectrum he's cis he's questioning he's a trans man she's a trans woman. to me

[grntaire]

good omens is an allegory for queer deconstruction from an abusive fundamentalist religious environment.

i've talked about it on here ad nauseum, probably, but i haven't fleshed my thoughts out on it fully. this has been my interpretation since season 1, and season 2 just solidified it for me. so here goes.

it's about the choice that all queer people in an environment like this have to make, and both choices suck and end with loss.

choice 1: stay with your church community, your friends, your family, the world you've always known, but never be true to yourself. because they will never fully accept you if you are true to yourself.

choice 2: embrace your queerness, live your authentic life, and leave it all behind. you're torn from everything you've ever known, everyone you've ever loved. but it's what you have to do to be happy. aziraphale is stuck between choices. crowley never had a choice. his was made for him.

heaven are the church elders. the protectors. the ones who say they have your and god's best interest in mind, always. they don't. to them, hell are the blasphemers, who are both unworthy of redemption yet can only be saved by it. they are the arbiters of what is good and right and bad and wrong.

aziraphale's story is one of both learned faith and earned faith. learned, in that he's been indoctrinated his whole life. been to church at least twice a week since birth. earned, in that he's seen the good that the church can do–they feed the hungry, shelter the unhoused. how could people who do such good be capable of cruelty? and surely, when they are cruel, there must be some greater good to come out of it?

crowley was faithful once, too. he loved god. loved church. but he knew he was queer from a young age, and asked questions about it. not because he wanted to make trouble, but because he wanted to understand. to understand why something he knew about himself to be so innately true could be wrong. but the church didn't see it as that–they saw the embodiment of sin, questioning them. their authority, their virtuosity, the fibre of what holds their organization together, and he was cast out. was kicked out of his home, alienated from his family, his friends, his community. he fell. and he now sees the church for what it truly is.

as for aziraphale, he's accepted the fact that he's queer, but had faith that his elders had his best interest at heart when they spewed homophobic ideology. he never believed the ideology, not really, but he had to believe (made himself believe) that the people who spread it meant well. that they meant it out of kindness, out of protecting queer people from damnation. he wanted to believe that not everyone in the church was like this, that not everyone in the church thought all queer people are inherently people of sin. that is, until a mentor, someone he trusts, perpetuates it too. he's had moments in his past that chipped away at his faith: he'd stayed friends, or whatever you want to call it, with crowley, and crowley had tempted him into trying new things that the church wouldn't approve of. things that aziraphale loved. but this moment with his mentor is when his faith is truly shaken. it's the beginning of his active deconstruction.

and so he leaves. he leaves and finds crowley and they build a semblance of a life together with what they have. they're happy. he's learning that he doesn't need to go to church to be holy. that he doesn't need to be holy to be happy. that he's allowed to indulge in the things he loves without guilt and shame.

that is, until that mentor shows up at his doorstep, offering him everything he's ever wanted. insinuates that he knows him and crowley aren't just friends, and assures him that they can come back to church together. that they're going to change things in the church, and that aziraphale can help. that they need aziraphale to help. (they don't. they want a pious gayboy to help repair their image. it's performative activism at its finest). aziraphale is being offered his family, his community, everything back, and crowley can come too. preying on his wants and desires, manipulating him back into their control. so of course he says yes. they'll get to be together with everything they've ever known and aziraphale doesn't have to make a choice between losses anymore. (deconstruction isn't linear, and abuse is cyclical.)

but crowley makes it for him. crowley tells him no. he doesn't want that life and doesn't want to go back to those people who hate him so much. who hate them so much. crowley knows what the church is about and sees it for what it is. they're not about god, or moral good or doing what's right. all they want is control. it's about the optics of the organization. it's about influencing what serves them and their agenda, and crowley knows that aziraphale is just a pawn to them. ("Why would we go back to them, when they think that who we are is wrong? Is vile? They think us the embodiment of sin and you want to go help them with their PR campaign?")

but aziraphale doesn't know that, can't know it, and crowley can't make him see it. (aziraphale knows that they cast crowley out, that he was kicked out of his home. crowley never shared with him about what happened after. the nights on the street, the things he'd endured to survive.)

and so crowley kisses him. he kisses him to tell him not that he loves him, because of course he does. he kisses him to tell him "This is what you leave behind. We would never be able to do this there, to be this there, even if they say we could. Our lives are here, our safety is here. this is what you're giving up."

crowley has been through it and experienced their cruelty firsthand. aziraphale won't be able to see it until he experiences it, too. he won't be able to realize he's being played if he doesn't even know that there's a game happening in the first place.

i can't recommend watching the show through this lens enough. it makes aziraphale's story that much more heartbreaking, because there's this intense duality of indoctrination vs. deconstruction that lives within him constantly. (imo it's also the main difference between book aziraphale and tv aziraphale: book aziraphale is significantly further along in his deconstruction journey. it's why he's a bit more of a bastard. tv aziraphale is set back a bit further, which sets up his deconstruction arc beautifully across three seasons.)

it's why aziraphale has the ability to peel back layers of himself and his train of thought depending on the situation at hand–he literally has two trains of thought happening at once. the indoctrinated one, and the deconstructed one.

and when crowley kisses him, it's the first time in his existence that both trains of thought have been that present simultaneously. it's both trains colliding full speed with each other. it's why we see both livid, hesitant frustration and fierce passion and longing at once. it forced him to confront something that lived so deeply within himself that he wanted to bring to light on his own terms, but crowley was desperate. the kiss wasn't i love you, please stay. it was look at what you're leaving behind. we could've been us, we could've been this.

and i think that whatever happens in season 3, whatever heaven does that makes them finally irredeemable in aziraphale's eyes, it'll be a beautiful ending to his deconstruction arc. not that deconstruction ever ends, not truly, but for the first time in his existence, he'll be able to see heaven, hell, and the system as a whole clearly for what they are: a bunch of self-righteous dicks.

[if you're curious about religious deconstruction and what it means, this video by therapist and social worker mickey atkins talking about deconstruction in reference to shiny happy people, a documentary about the duggar family, is a good place to start. cw for pretty much all types of abuse imaginable, fyi.]

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

"He certainly is a queer fellow" || The Scarecrow and his LGBTQIA+ Metaphors

From his first appearance, to the early 90s, there was one word used to describe Scarecrow that fans have really attached themselves to. And that is the word "Queer" (please note: I don't want discourse over the word itself on this post, please be respectful in your comments and tags)

In his first ever comic, his fellow professors call him a :"Queer Fellow" (Note: mine is a reprint, but if you find scans of the original comic, you can also see that Jonathan refers to himself as "Queer" instead of "Strange") (They would often replace the word in later retellings of his origin, all except for in the 90s with the three issue story God of Fear, where they use the word once more)

Obviously, as with lots of words, Queer did not meant what it does today. It was just another word for weird. I'm not going into the history of queer, as there's still a lot I don't know myself. BUT--whats more "weird" then being queer? In the eyes of those professors back then, that is.

And of course, who can forget "Queer Grasshopper Leaps" which appears not once, but multiple times in various comics. With all this said, it makes sense for queer kids of our generation to feel like Jonathan. Weird. Unliked. Different. Queer. Let them raise their flag in the name of Scarecrow, I say!

And the thing is, Jonathan learns to accept himself. If they're going to call him queer, he's going to embrace it. He's going to be a symbol of poverty and fear, something they couldn't even begin to comprehend. It's all very similar to internalized feelings of inadequacy related to ones queer-ness. Learning to love oneself for who they truly are

And that's not all....

In Scarecrow Year One, a story rife with religious trauma, there is even more to discover. In this story, Jonathan is yet again fired for shooting a gun in the classroom, but the classic queer metaphor is missing. This time, to be replaced with a gay/trans allegory.

Jonathan, a young kid is obsessed with reading. He reads all kinds of books, Most notable--Jame's Joyce's Ulysses. The kids who bully Jonathan in the backstory call it a "fairy book" and try to burn it. But great granny? She takes it a whole new level

It's one thing for a boy to read a so called "fairy book"--possibly effeminate of him? But it's another to suggest he's masturbating to it. That's just downright ignorant.

Ignorance is something queer kids often face. They get told how sinful they supposedly are, and how they're deranged and weird. Weird huh? Like...queer?

Depending on how you read year one, it's possible to see a trans or gay allegory hidden in it's pages. It's also possible to see some racist notes, should we image his father as Native American. Either way, there's a lot of deep conversations that can be had about this origin. Whether you headcanon Jonathan as trans, gay or both, these stories are great fodder for headcanons and character development.

There's one thing that can be said about all this, if you headcanon Jonathan as LGBTQIA+ -- you are valid and amazing, and the comics support you. <3

[prodigaldaughteralice]

So I finally showed my mum Nimona today! I knew she’d enjoy it, and she did!

But afterwards she was like “I’m not sure why the knights had to have a romantic relationship besides that it’s nice to have the representation… I just feel like not everything needs a romance. Does it add anything, for it to be romantic?”

(this is not latent homophobia btw I know my mum and her stated reasoning was genuine)

So I started talking about how with Nimona herself as a gender fluidity allegory, having Ballister as a gay man raised in this restrictive society draws some good parallels to how the conservative establishment tries to pry the queer community apart, divide and conquer, and Bal doesn’t understand Nimona at first and thinks she’s ‘too much’, but once he learns to trust her knowledge of herself and recognizes the institutions (ha) are going to throw them both away equally he manages to be there for her and be exactly the support she needs

and two interesting things came of this conversation

First of all, my mum just kinda blinked at me at the end of it and then went “…that’s really insightful, and you’re right. That is a good reason for it to be a romantic relationship.” So that felt good.

But the other thing is that when I first mentioned Nimona as genderfluid she kinda cocked her head at me, so I laid that out a bit, talking about their conversation in the alley, needing to be able to shift and have all the different versions of her acknowledged as her, the “I’m Nimona”, being externally called a monster for not fitting into the boxes, etc

and she gave me this curious look and said kind of carefully

“I think that’s something that would be really clear to a genderqueer or genderfluid person, and I’m glad it’s there.”

which is lovely and I think it translates to

“my genderfluid child noticed something in this movie that went completely over my head”

[gavillain]

TAGGED: TEN CHARACTERS YOU IDENTIFY WITH (&&&either add what you admire about each, or what it is that connects you to them!)

I never really saw myself as a hero or identified as one, so all of mine are villains. I don't necessarily think that I'm an evil person or that I'm not a good guy or nice person IRL, but for whatever reason, heroes just don't really do it for me. I'm drawn to the villains because they're such individuals. They're theatrical and dramatic in a way that's fun and engaging, they're confident, they're intelligent, they go after what they want, they're not afraid to be leaders and take control, they're either queercoded or explicitly queer, and they have a dark and elegant sense of style and flair - and all of that is what I really value and seek to emulate and incarnate in my day to day life. All of that applies to ALL of them, but here's why each individual one is on here.

Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty/Kingdom Hearts) - My favorite and the one who is the most me of any of them. I'm generally pretty level headed and having a grand old time doing what I love, but if I get provoked, it's fire breathing dragon time. I have a tendency to be petty, and I have a very low tolerance for disrespect and thoughtlessness. I'm generally content to be kind of isolated up on my own proverbial mountain top, but I have a soft spot for my "familiars" and animals that I keep close. Sometimes overconfidence gets the better of me in the face of my own "Organization XIII"s but I always land on my feet. I also can be a bit of a control freak, a bit bossy, and a bit self-centered at the worst of times, and, well, that's her whole thing XD

Jafar (Aladdin) - To the people who don't know me well, I can appear to be a quiet and no-nonsense strict vizier, but to my personal "talking parrots" who I show the real me, they know I'm a dramatic goofball with a dark mind. I always find myself wanting more and more of the things that I enjoy and energize me to the point where sometimes I overindulge and find myself trapped in a "lamp" of my own making. I also really relate to his deleted song "Why Me" about growing up feeling unappreciated by my peers and carried down by people who were less than worthy of my time and efforts.

Loki (Marvel comics/2011-2013 MCU) - Loki's entire plot in the first Thor movie is one great big "Does this remind you of anything? HINT HINT" with being a gay allegory, and it hit me right at the same time I was coming out so I felt a strong bond with him and drew a lot of strength from him at the time. The way he embraces everything bad anyone has ever said about him and reclaims it to be a part of his own power is very much I try to live my life and why I'm so comfortable with my own flaws and "darkness." I have a mischievous and playful side reminiscent of him, and also just like him, I can be a full tilt diva who has to make a production out of everything (I actually came out as gay on a literal stage).

Hook (Once Upon a Time) - Firstly, we look the most alike of any of these guys. I've cosplayed him many times because of that. I like to think of myself as devilishly handsome, and I love me a good innuendo or sex joke. But I'm not just a sexual person, I also have a vibrant romantic side. And if anyone messes with the people I love, it's all over. I will launch into a centuries long revenge quest for the ones I love, and you don't wanna be on the other side of that. Oh, but I was also raised to be a gentleman and behave accordingly.

Grimhilde (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) - I like to be the best with the things that I'm good at, and I want to be praised as the "fairest one of all" with regards to my talents. And, unfortunately with that, sometimes I have a bit of trouble embracing those who rival me in the things I'm good at, and that can take me to some dark places. I love witchcraft and working with the esoteric, and I love dressing up in costumes and "disguises" like she does. I also have a dark sense of humor that comes out around those who I allow to see my "old hag" form.

Ursula (The Little Mermaid) - Pat Carroll described Ursula as an ex-Shakespearean actress who sells used cars; I'm an ex-theater kid who sells real estate and works with binding contracts on the daily. I love doing voice impressions and voice acting, and the way I connect to characters and people is most immediately through the voice. Also her relationship with her sister Morgana most directly mirrors my relationship with my brother (I'm the Ursula, he's the Morgana).

Russell Edgington (True Blood) - I'm a Southerner born and raised (he's from Mississippi and I'm from Georgia), and we're both gay men in relationships who care very deeply for our partners. Russell certainly speaks to my wacky and fun loving sides, but he also kind of reflects my cynicism towards humanity and the state of the world. We both care about the environment and have some righteous rage over the ecological damage humanity is doing. Vampires in True Blood in general also kind of mirror the experience of being queer in America, and that also comes into play.

Hades (Hercules) - I feel like my relationships with my extended family mirrors Hades's with the Olympians pretty accurately. I have the glorious intersection of dad jokes and dark humor that makes Hades so stinkin' funny XD I'm generally a cool and collected guy, but as previously mentioned, I DO have a bit of a temper that can explode with fiery brilliance. I'm an Aries - it's part of my star sign description XD I also have a strong connection to Greek mythology and that interest, so Hades acts as a connection to that as well. And, hey, I roleplayed as him online more than anyone else, so he and I are tied to each other in a special way through that.

Dr. Doom (Marvel comics) - I've always been "the smart one" in my family. I always excelled at school, I've always won at Jeopardy, I always am the go-to walking encyclopedia for my family to consult, I'm reasonably good at chess. Point is, I connect to Doom by feeling like the smartest guy in the room, but also, circling back to a similar point with Grimhilde, I'm not often the most comfortable with NOT being the smartest guy in the room. I can't stand a "Reed Richards" trying to show me up XD I also am not afraid to admit that I'm a bit of a mama's boy XD I take after my mother more than anyone else, and I've always idolized her. Doom went to Hell and back to fight the devil himself to save his mom, and I'd like to think I'd do the same if put in the same circumstance.

Fish Mooney (Gotham) - I love pretty things. Beautiful sparkly aesthetically pleasing things like her myriad of outfits and her nightclub's décor. I'm very particular about the aesthetics surrounding me and making sure it reflects who I am. I also connect with Fish over our value system - she's all about building a sense of "family" with those she's close to, whether they're by blood or by choice, and I've always felt very strongly that family is who you choose. She looks out for her own first and foremost, and so do I. I also have a competitive nature and like to climb to the top when I can, and being a gay man in settings dominated by straight people often feels similar to Fish being the only black woman in the straight white male dominated mob.

tagged by: @marciabrady

tagging: @eerieeyes, @tampire, @violetrose-art, @gordhanx, @heddagab, @violethowler, @101bangzoom, @corvidreavenart, @thefinalboss387 and anyone else who feels like doing this (and no pressure to you guys if you don't want to either)

[damnfandomproblems]

Rounding up a few asks regarding Fandom Problem #5724 and ensuing replies.

Anon: (replying to this ask)

you are engaging with the fiction in a purely diegetic sense without thinking about how it interacts with reality. yes, vulcans are not autistic. but Spock was written by human writers, based on their experiences in exclusively human culture. Spock is not autistic in the canon of star trek, but it is absurd to claim that he was not inspired by, nor is metaphorical for, autistic experiences. also, what does Dan Olson's character have to do with the validity of that hypothesis?

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Anon:

Response to the headcanons asks. The issue I personally have is when people claim their "character X is autistic" headcanon is canon. There's this TV show where one character is thought to be autistic by a lot of people in the fandom. He is not autistic in canon. People just think he is due to certain traits of his. Which would be fine, except if anyone ever says they find the character annoying, or they dislike some of these traits of this character, these fans jump up and call you ableist. By all means, have your headcanons, but you don't get to make accusations against people just because they dislike things about a character that you identify with.

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Anon:

Hi, the "Spock is Human and Vulcan" anon that I think I started the whole ableism argument thing here. I realized I didn't explain that last part very well and want to clear it up. The ask was a rant about how the submitter omitted facts about Spock's heritage in order to justify why he can't be autistic, which to me came off as both racist and ableist (because intersectionality! You can be multiple things lmao). Disagreeing over headcanons is valid, but when you use racist and ableist arguments to do so, then it starts to be a problem. And I question why some people get so upset about neurodivergent fans seeing themselves within a character. Also, perhaps we should bring back the term "allegory". I'm not actually an expert on autism so I'm not going to diagnose Spock or make headcanons, but, I can acknowledge that he can be an allegory for autism because of the traits he exhibits, his behaviors, and challenges he faces, which people, and especially autistic people, can relate to. It's like how Jadzia is a transgender allegory because of the way in which her species and culture works, even if she herself isn't transgender. Once again, it shouldn't be used against fans who do headcanon a certain way, but idk maybe it can clear up confusion?

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Anon: (replying to this ask)

Autism can be a huge part of peoples' identity, but that OOP person said "leave labels out of it" because that's literally what people are doing with characters: labeling them as this or that. Categorizing them. As autistic, or as anything. Surely that's obvious? "Label" isn't being used as a dirty or reductive word here. I'm bi and the word "bi" is still a label. It's a way to quickly explain what I am without having to wax poetic. Stop reading in bad faith. From your responses to these asks, it's happening a lot.

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Anon: (replying to this ask)

I don't wanna make it seem like I'm taking an harmless joke post super seriously and I'm not really saying this AT that anon, but it just reminds me of a thing that's been bugging me, the fandom trend of going "what if actually the minority group were the MAJORITY group! ^^" (i.e. "everyone is neurodivergent" "everyone is queer" etc) Just 'cause it's kind of like. Missing the point? "A (relatively) small group of people struggle / are discriminated against because they're not understood or society was built without taking their needs into account, who largely confide in each other because they're able to find common understanding, which they often can't find elsewhere." If things were "reversed" the same issues would still exist, it doesn't actually fix or improve anything. Speaking as someone who IS queer and neurodivergent.

[queerspaceprince]

super long post

i saw the tv glow spoilers, me being depressing, tw's in tags

i went to see I Saw the TV Glow this afternoon. i got it. def cried a little (idk if hrt has stopped me from crying more bc i havent cried since i was in hs anyway) my sib got it, tho we havent talked ab it yet bc im still processing even now. my mom did not get any of it. at all. wasnt affected. thats fine, whatever.

and. jesus. i give the movie a 15/10, but it was. a whole lot. i have too many emotions.

Im def gonna mention a few spoilers so if you dont want to be spoiled, is your warning.

it made me feel too much. is the allegory really allegory if the hidden meaning is right at the surface?

when owen says that thing during their convo on the bleachers -i cant remember the exact words fuck- something about feeling hollow or missing something or whatever, how he thinks something is wrong with him and his parents do to-i feel that. so much. i felt it so much more before my egg cracked, but i still feel it in relation to my depression and anxiety. that hit me.

there was also that part about feeling like you're watching yourself from the outside, as if through a tv. oof.

then the whole thing maddie said about how time didnt feel right, how nothing changed when she left. i get it. I was 10 nd my parents got divorced, and suddenly im 11 and thinking i wanted to d1e for the first time, and then im 14 in a kind of manipulative relationship, with like 1 friend and super depressed, and then i was graduating and realizing im queer and exploring my gender and going through a breakup. then im 20, and getting my first job, and coming out to my family. and now im 26. and i still mostly feel the same way i always have. i have more good days, and im more confident now, but i still feel like im just going through the motions a lot of the time.

when did I stop being a kid? ive been an adult for 8 years and Im still only working part time (32 hrs), still living with my mother bc rent is $$$$, still barely functional enough that I havent cleaned my room since last year and ive only showered 3 times in the past week, and i have to force myself to go get coffee on my days off or else ill stay in bed all day. Im just stuck here. i shouldve taken driving lessons when I could. id be out. except i cant leave my sibling behind with my mother. shes not awful, but them being alone is an explosion waiting to happen. but they dont have a job and i doubt i could support both of us. and now i dont trust my eyes enough, like i read for 15 minutes and everything else goes blurry, like im seeing triple.

anyway. next is the scene in where she talks about k1lling herself to get back to the pink opaque world. I. have to admit i nearly threw up. the imagery, the way she spoke about it. she said she regretted it while she was stuck underground, then how she felt good about it, about getting out....ive been sitting in a low spot for a while, it was better while we were on our trip, but it just reverted when we came back. i keep thinking im going to relapse into sh again. i feel so close to the edge sometimes. and theres really no reason for it either. my life is fine. not great, not perfect. but adequate. anyway i had to close my eyes and take a minute after that.

i feel that even without wanting to go back to the other world, maddie was suicidal. she wouldve found some reasoning to k1ll herself. Now ive only ever been actively su1cidal once, when i was 15 -or 16- idk my teen years are all a blur of depression and anxiety. im good now. well. i say good. im more, self destructive then really wanting to d1e. just. i feel so bad on the inside for no reason, why can i have a reason to hurt on the outside?? anyway, im ok now, im 3.5 years clean, i dont want that to change. im working on my coping mechanisms.

there was another quote from that planetarium scene that i couldnt stop thinking about but has now vanished from my mind entirely. bc sometimes getting my thoughts in order is like. catching smoke.

anyway. then everything after that. him growing old. knowing something about him is different but not wanting to acknowledge it or it would drastically his life as he knows it. I understand that feeling. except for me, its not exactly acknowledgement of myself, its doing something about it. while I didnt exactly stay in the closet long, that feeling of not wanting anything to change is why the closet exists. i realized i was queer in 2014, trans 2015. came out as bi that summer, but i didnt come out as trans until 3 years later. when I had a job. access to money if i ended up getting kicked onto the street. i literally had a bag packed and ready to go. and yet. even when i did come out, i was too afraid to correct my family on my pronouns or name for another year. my sibling really helped with that. immediately used them. Tbh theyre my fave person and id do anything they asked.

the whole thing about there still being time.

i see a lot of tiktoks about this. people watning to do stuff now bc there is still time to change your life or whatever. im interpreting it differently.

there is time now, but your hourglass will run low eventually. live while you still can, while you can still do something about it. how that message showed up after maddie left- their time together had run out, but he might still be able to do something. make a change. idk. but owen was too scared to do anything.

im still scared to do anything.

i still dont correct people on my name or pronouns if they get them wrong. i still dont speak up if my family says anything not pc (they are learning tho). im too scared to talk about any big feeling i have bc ive always been brushed off in the past and i dont want to feel worse becasue of it.

i still havent done anything to get my name or gender marker changed bc im scared. idk why. ive been living as a man for 6 years, i got top surgery almost 3 years ago, and ive been on hrt for nearly 2.

it terrifies me for some reason. maybe ts the complexity of it. ive found 3 different versions of the paperwork, and nowhere does it tell me exactly how or who to submit it too. one of those said i could submit online but it had to be printed, notarized, and scaned back into the computer? none of the other versions said it had to be notarized???

and i have nobody who has any knowlege that could help. my aunt worked for a lawyer for years, and yet she just said all I have to do is go to the dmv. like babe. no. thats not how that works.

i think ill start on that again.

while i still have time.

[zorilleerrant]

Monkey Prince Arrowverse AU

so the idea of this story is that Pigsy taps Marcus to go on a journey across the multiverse to - as in the comics - fight off demons that are attacking superheroes throughout time and space. it's learning-to-be-a-superhero as allegory for coming-of-age, so I think Pigsy shows up on his eighteenth birthday, drops a bunch of bombshells, Marcus finds out he's adopted and also divine, and then doesn't get a chance to resolve anything with his parents before he's whisked off into the cosmos to do who knows what.

then (because it's a coming of age narrative) he proceeds to go into the first season of each Arrowverse show, when the protagonists are learning about their powers and backstories, and reflect the themes of their narratives and attitudes in developing his own powers and learning who he is as a person. it would start with Arrow (obv) and then end with Legends, except not first season Legends, last season Legends, because then they would just be like. oh, universe hopping Monkey God, that makes sense, come aboard. with the implication he travels with them for a while until he can get home.

he can't get home because he's on a quest, and he's not allowed to return until he's finished with what the forces of the multiverse need him for. (this is probably implicitly the Endless or something, but it's not important, it's just setup.) so there's kind of a Sliders or Voyager vibe to it, that he's doing stuff in the meantime, but ultimately he wants to go home (and maybe be a hero at home).

while he's not explicitly queer in this narrative, it's all very metaphorical of not being who he thought he was and wondering how his parents would react to all that. the more explicit stuff would be trying to reclaim the culture he's been separated from because he didn't know he was a Monkey God or anything, and reconsidering his entire religious worldview.

but a lot of it is also figuring out how the superheroes look from the outside, because he'd be in their shows, but they're not really in his show in the same way, if that makes sense. so he does meet some of the characters, but he'd interact a lot more with background characters in trying to solve each season's "mystery" (demon plot). random folks in each of the superheroes' cities, who have Opinions and are willing to go on about them at length.

and then slowly he learns that he's going to fuck up a lot and nothing can be done about that, and that not everything is his responsibility, and even if it were he wouldn't be able to do all the things he wants to do. and he has to figure out the best path for himself and achieve enlightenment and that stuff. that everyone is important but everyone can't be important to him at the same time, or he wouldn't be able to make choices anymore. and he just tries to help.

it starts out with Pigsy (ostensibly in charge, but slowly revealed to not have that much more information than Marcus), Marcus, and a slowly growing entourage who travels through the universes with them. (because I want to include Shelli and all.) and then at the end they join the Legends family and go home once in a while

[kryptoniteheadcanons]

Thoughts on Black Christmas (2019)

Uhh....brief mentions of sexual assault. Spoilers I guess ...it’s Black Christmas 2019 I don’t think anyone cares.

- I don’t know if I'm going to make a separate post comparing the three of the movies, I might end up saying everything I need to say  in this review. 

- Once again, stop making remakes and sequels that have nothing to do with the original. 

- That snow angle shot was actually pretty cool, I like it. 

- This movie being set at christmas is just as arbitrary as the first one. 

- Yeah, that diva cup thing was pretty awkward. Why did there have to be complete silence while she was putting it in? You couldn’t have used that time for dialogue?

- Oh hi Cary Elwes ….didn’t expect to see you here. 

- God I fucking hate it when professors call on you even though you didn’t raise your hand.

- Also they make Cary’s character so fucking creepy that the first time I saw this I he  assaulted Riley.

- “He totally went off on me because I asked why there were no women, or people of color, or queer people on the syllabus.” Yeah that is weird, most classics lists i’ve seen for colleges, even in 2019, at least have like Frankenstein or a book by one of the Bronte sisters. You have to be trying to not have a woman on the list. (Also: I don’t think they ever mentioned any of their majors? I feel like that would have been a good thing for character building, at least for Riley) 

- Yes, Riley does need to take back her agency and learn how to live her life again, but I don’t think getting up on stage to sing and dance about what is probably one of the most traumatic experiences her life, in front of the person who assualted her, is really the healthiest or safest way to do that. 

- Also, am I the only one that thinks Kris petitioning to get the bust removed from the main hall and that actually happening sounds weird? Maybe it’s just because I went to community college so I don’t know how larger, more established colleges work but that sounds like she was probably petitioning to get the name of the school changed and they just did the bust thing as a ‘compromise’. 

- What did they steal for Kris for the pledges to know that she had to be killed too? 

- Nate, dude, I know you have a migraine or whatever but just leave the room or something. 

- I feel like a lot of real world discussions about feminism and equal rights end up like the one that happened in the kitchen so I think maybe this needs to be said: We do need men in the world, however what we don’t need is bigots and abusers. Misogyny negatively effects all of us, you can talk about the issues men face without having to put down women. 

- I find it really odd that this movie claims to be a more ‘feminist’ version of Black Christmas (I have no idea if the director or writer intended that, maybe it was just a studio or marketing team thing) but they cut out the women’s reproductive rights subplot? How do you even do that? 

- I kind of wish this movie was a full on psychological thriller of Riley having to actually process her trauma instead of being a qausi-slasher movie. 

- Referencing the point above, I feel like the ending is in this weird limbo where it’s not weird enough to clearly be an allegory but it’s also not normal enough to be like, believable. 

- Was Riley’s smile fading at the end because one (or some of them) got out alive or because she realizes that she just destroyed half of the evidence that proves she and Kris didn’t kill all those people?

- Do I think this movie is misandrist propaganda? No. Do I think this movie is great and everyone should see  it? also No. I think its a movie that tried to do something good but fumbled and wound up in a no woman’s land of cringe dialogue and ham fisted morals. 

- also in case anyone was wondering, my favourite character was Jessie, she reminds me of one of my cousins. 

[isabellehemlock]

back at youuu ✨

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Thank you love!!

There's actually a few more pieces tied into some fandom events that won't be released to later in the year, but when I reflect on my last six months? Here ya go - let's start with visual, and I'll also share fics and memes lol ~

Since this is a long post, I'll put everything under the cut 😎

Here are the listings for the above, with some commentary below, and each individual post also has image descriptions 🤗

1. "Your eyes, like a church window." - Louis

This was technically my second piece of IWTV art (if I recall correctly lol) but it's one of my faves because of the religious subtext of the lights forming a cross, and the darkness lurking just beneath with the blood splatter on the clothes. When I think of Louis I think layers upon layers upon layers. And I really wanted to capture that with this piece: that of course there's the first impression, but there's some details, too that once you put it all together conveys a deeper complexity, kind of like Louis 🤗

2. "He found you lost, and guided you." - Armand

And probably my most popular art piece to date, that I can't imagine topping any time soon - my Muslim!Armand piece. Thanks to my own fandom history and getting to know many people, I personally can vouch that some queer religious rep is meaningful to not only me but several of my friends. All rep is important of course, and though I'm not personally Muslim, I thought of the friends in my past who this might mean a lot to as I was working on it, and also tried to honor his history by giving it Renaissance and a sort of Da Vinci sketchbook vibes - and I was grateful and humbled that it's resonated with others as well.

3. "Would you like me to play for you?" - Rockstar!Lestat

This was my first time drawing leather, and I listened to Maneskin the entire eight hours this took to draw. That's it, that's the vibes with that one lol!

4. "You're his destiny, Louis." - Loustat

I'm fairly certain this was my first piece for IWTV - I went in hard lol. Religious allegories? Check! Blood and violence? Check Check!! You got Saint Louis, blood tears that remind me of Marian statues crying blood (and I may have already made some commentary about that here), and then of course sacrificial love - the whole inscription that reads "suffering feels religious if you do it right." Like I went so fucking hard yo lolll.

5. "Eddie's Favorite Jacket" - Eddie Munson

Switching gears because I am capable of other fandoms lol - Eddie! I did this one just last month, and I think it might be one of my favorites 😍 I adore Eddie, I vibe with the ND coded energy (allow me to project lol). And getting to draw this for a friend's fic was a bonus!

But also, reflecting on the last year of fic writing ~ that would mostly be my dark fic for The Old Guard! You can read more about it here, but also my precanon fic, which you can find out more about here, I also really enjoyed the covers I made for them which you can see below (including the Joe and Nicky manips!) 🤗

And finally, memes, because I'm a crack humor sort of gal!

My VDay cards:

And assorted, but also the bottom two are for the IWTV BB 💕

However I'll also direct anyone seeing this post to also feel free to check out "my IWTV web weaving" tag for a few pieces I've done - more to come! But essentially I love words, and poetry and a theme, so I have a blast with those as well!

This was super fun to reflect on, thank you love!!

[montrasity]

there is…a lot to unpack here.

In which some girl was saying how the canon marauders would bully fanon marauders (referring to them as “these indie gays”) insinuating that they would not bully Snape if they actually behaved how the fandom sees them.

to this i’m going to say that i agree with the first bit. unlike how the marauders fandom depicts the characters, they are all actually very drastically different from how they’re depicted in canon.

for example

“poor remus who grew up in the slums” or “orphan punk violent remus who hangs out with gangs and isn’t afraid to start a fight” which is all 1.) very wrong to canon and 2.) not remus at all, given he’s been described many times (even by harry) as a coward and a person that doesn’t have a backbone and doesn’t stand up for himself or for others and 3.) he grew up in a middle class family that while wasn’t necessarily filthy rich, they weren’t dirt poor

feminine sirius — i have no problem with this headcanon, i’m always for inclusivity, but canon sirius was someone who had pictures of half naked women on his walls and was a little sleazy which is very different from fanon, not to mention that sirius was actually very tall but for some reason they make him look like a little twink in all the fanarts so that’s an interesting difference too!

and that’s just naming a few

And I just want to say, Snapes was a racist probably homophobic and more likely than not sexist. The known predator of mysoginistic racist is the indie gay??? Why are y’all acting like it’s not ?

geez, alright lets get into this.

and just so you’re aware, i’m black, a woman, and queer so i have a thing or two to say about each part of this statement

1. racist — severus snape was never shown saying or insinuating any kinds of racial allegory towards a person of color in the series. i never once saw or read a scene where he was openly or microagressively racist to any of the people of color in HP (ex. Angelica Johnson, Dean Thomas, Jordan Lee, Cho Chang, Blaise Zabini, Kingsley Shacklebolt etc.). If your reasoning for saying this has to do with him using the word Mudblood, then please, let me remind you that the term mudblood has nothing to do with racism but with bigotry, something that is completely separate to what you’re accusing him of. but please if he has let me know!

2. homophobic — you say this about the same man that has some of the most queer coded characteristics in Harry Potter, such as;

wearing his mothers clothes as a child (he was made fun of this by petunia)

having a ‘feminine handwriting’ and often being mistaken for a girl because of it (as shown by harry, hermione and ginny in the books and movies)

how SWM (an incident where he was publicly exposed in front of the entire school) was his worst memory when he has many others (witnessing the domestic abuse of his mother, being whipped by his father, growing up dirt poor in the slums, almost getting murdered) could read as trans coded in so many ways

how he was dressed in women’s clothing as a way at to laughed at when he was Neville’s boggart (which could also read as trans coded due to JK Rowling’s obvious hatred for trans people)

in addition, he was never once shown or seen to say or do anything remotely suggesting that he was homophobic, but please if he has let me know!

3. sexist/misogynistic — severus, out of all of the men in Harry Potter (including the marauders) is the ONLY man in the series that is actually shown to have actual relationships with women that weren’t just romantic (ex. Lily, Narcissa, McGonagall, Charity), so it makes no sense to call him misogynistic when no other men in that series are actually shown to have any relationships with women at all (other than Harry). Not to mention, he grew up watching his mother be domestically abused by his alcoholic father (which was one of the main reasons for his hatred for muggles). also, he was shown to be very respectful of Lily’s boundaries when she ended their friendship and told him to leave her alone, which he did, and when Narcissa asks him for his help, he swears an oath to protect her son because of their friendship. so it’s a bit…confusing to think that he would be misogynistic when he is shown to actually have a healthy respect for all of the women in his life, even when he makes mistakes. but please like i said, if you have anything to disprove me i’d be happy to see it!

4. predator — he is…a teacher. a very strict teacher. one that has never been shown to ever interact with students in any inappropriate capacity. he hardly ever interacts with any of the students outside of the class unless it’s the golden trio, and he was never shown to be predatory to them at…all. if he was a “known predator” as you said, i doubt that this wouldn’t have been stated or showcased in the books. but if you have any instances where he might have been i’d love to read them!

I understand that a lot of Marauders fanfictions paint him out to be a person that simply throws out slurs left and right, is misogynistic and/or homophobic because they need a villain and he paints the most convenient character, but please, if you’ll accuse him of something, let it at least be something he has actually done in canon.

insinuating that they would not bully Snape if they actually behaved how the fandom sees them.

last but not least, this statement.

i actually agree with this insinuation. the thing about the 70s is everything was a political statement, from class to aesthetics to representation.

being queer, punk, rock etc, all of these were political statements in and of themselves. For the marauders to be any of these things, it meant that they would understand the intricacies of what it meant to have the identity that they had, and it would also make them a minority in the sense that if they were queer, they went against the social norms.

severus snape was queer, not necessarily in terms of sexuality in canon, but in terms of who he was. he was a dirt poor half blood with an abusive alcoholic father, grew up in the slums, went to hogwarts which in every definition of the word was an elite private school that catered to pureblood nepo babies. severus didn’t have a dime to his name. he was dirty and poor and odd and queer.

if the marauders were also queer, and now i’m talking in terms of sexuality and not status (because two of the marauders were filthy rich and the other two weren’t necessarily dirt poor) then they wouldn’t have bullied severus. because even though it’s in different ways, they would be just as queer as severus was.

this isn’t saying that they would be friends, but they would at least have had the decency to leave him alone. same with if they had embraced the aesthetics of punk, rock, metal etc. all of these were political statements, not just aesthetics. it was why they were gatekept so heavily back then. and many of these aesthetics aligned themselves with the poor. and severus was poor. it was very obvious that he was dirt poor. so why would they bully severus when this went against the ideology they chose to embrace, you know?

either way, it’s alright to enjoy what you enjoy, but at least let’s not accuse characters of doing things they’ve never done in canon and preaching it as fact and gospel.

I just saw some post about The Marauders Era

In which some girl was saying how the canon marauders would bully fanon marauders (referring to them as “these indie gays”) insinuating that they would not bully Snape if they actually behaved how the fandom sees them.

And I just want to say, Snapes was a racist probably homophobic and more likely than not sexist. The known predator of mysoginistic racist is the indie gay??? Why are y’all acting like it’s not ?

And half of these characters have maybe three lines in a seven books. The whole fandom is based on the power of imagination.

[telomeke-bbs]

BAD BUDDY – PRAN, DISSAYA AND THE MUSIC BETWEEN THEM

There's a small but very significant side-story going on in Bad Buddy, and it involves Pran, his guitar and Dissaya.

I'd always wondered why they made such a big deal about Pran's guitar and the significance of Dissaya pulling it out of storage and laying it on his bed in Ep.12.

Now that we've watched and rewatched BBS in its entirety, I think the pieces can come together to form an explanation.

Pran's guitar is a symbol of his music-making spirit, and a metaphor for his heart, his true self, or his inner creative soul perhaps.

But when Dissaya caught Pran – during the high school Christmas song contest – joyfully making music with Pat (spawn of her sworn enemy Ming), guitar-playing became contaminated, associated in her mind with the malevolence residing next door.

Pran, the dutiful son, was so ashamed at being caught (openly and happily) making music with his beloved Pat too – his expression at Ep.2 [4/4] 7.04 is light years away from the pure exhilaration that he was radiating just moments before.

And Dissaya then banished guitar-playing from her son's life (see Ep.6 [1I4] 6.16) and sent him away, even as the guitar vanished as well (left behind in the music room, only to be salvaged by Pat).

(above) Pran checks for his monogram on the headstock when Pat returns his guitar to him

Although the guitar is returned to Pran in Ep.3, it's only in the final episode that we see Dissaya come around to being OK with him playing music on it – and with Pat no less.

So this story might be moving to some (and let's face it: some of us –me included! – would find even a discarded shopping list to be moving if it had anything to do with Pat or Pran), but actually the sub-plot about the guitar and Pran's journey to heal his musical heart isn't really necessary for the central storyline of PatPran's voyage to couplehood – but it IS necessary for the main underlying theme of BBS.

It should be clear to all by now that BBS is an allegory for the queer experience growing up. Pran's musicality and his guitar, together with Dissaya's disapproval of them, represent (metaphorically) the experience of LGBTQ+ teens struggling to inhabit their true identities, and how this can occasionally complicate (and be complicated by) their relationships with family members (most often parents) – and how the fallout can be damaging sometimes in a very personal way.

In this light, we are also able to see that Pran's allegorical side-story with the guitar was also mirrored by Pat's story arc as well. Just like Pran, Pat was also compelled to live a life that was not authentically his own – re-living Ming's rivalry with Dissaya, getting pushed into rugby more because it was his dad's favorite sport, and being forced to lie about his participation in musical theater. So both the boys' lives were also allegories for the experience of the LGBTQ+ teen.

However, the story of Pat's journey – because it's more closely connected to the theme of conflict between the two families – unfolds more organically and feels less forced than Pran's story with the guitar, which was kind of shoehorned into the proceedings when it was not really needed in any way to drive the plot.

Nonetheless, Pran's journey to finding his true self is still interesting enough once we see what Director Backaof is trying to do with it.

For example, Pran's exile to boarding school parallels the accounts of LGBTQ+ kids being wrenched from their normal routines to undergo "treatment" for their "condition" – and in a way also echoes the tragic stories of LGBTQ+ teens booted out of the family home for simply being themselves and/or falling in love outside of conventional definitions.

From the time he was sent away, Pran certainly did try to comply with Dissaya's embargo on his guitar-playing (he mentions he's consciously quit at Ep.4 [3I4] 2.29, Ep.6 [1I4] 6.16, Ep.10 [3I4] 4.53 and Ep.11 [2/4] 6.38).

But Pran is unable to batten down his musicality completely, and still continues to play the guitar when out of sight from Dissaya (e.g., at the Freshy Day Song Contest, when he and Pat revisit their high school in Ep.10, and also when they escape to UncleTong's Zero Waste Village in Ep.11).

And the enthusiastic abandon that we saw him display while playing in high school is replaced by a certain weariness instead.

Music is intrinsic and fundamental for Pran: in his life it's refuge, outlet and language (we see this in the way it expresses his unrequited love for Pat in the song Just Friend?, and also how he understands Pat's wordless but emotional plea, hammered out on the ranat ek in Ep.8 [4/4], that pulls him back into a reconciliation after their backstage blowout).

And Pran still composes music for the Architecture play, even though Wai (kind of) had to blackmail him emotionally into doing it.

We are shown that Pran is constantly drawn back to music despite any reservations he might have. He and his musicality are inseparable, and it manifests no matter what he says to the contrary.

This is BBS acknowledging the basic LGBTQ+ experience that is as old as humanity – that you can't deny your true LGBTQ+ self (no matter how hard you try) because it's an immutable part of you, as musicality was for Pran.

What we also see with Pran, however, is that in repressing his music-making at the behest of Dissaya (at least on his guitar at home), his creative spirit is stunted and incapacitated when it comes to songs about his own life.

In this regard, he is unable to create music as freely as he could in high school, before her clampdown. This is shown to us at the start of Ep.3 (when he complains about his songwriter's block to Wai), and it's also demonstrated at Ep.10 [3I4] 6.47 and Ep.11 [2/4] 7.40, where we see that the song he's been trying to compose since Ep.2 (in the early part of his freshman year) remains incomplete – and it's basically the song that will go on to encapsulate his and Pat's love story when eventually finished.

So Pran is still a competent music man when the soundtrack is for others – as in the Archi play – but the song is always truncated when it comes to music that represents his own heart.

This is BBS telling us that your own life-force, your soul (remembering that Pran's name is derived from Sanskrit and means "breath", "soul" or "life-force") will be unable to flourish, as long as you keep dampening and denying any part of it – which is what LGBTQ+ teens experience when they refuse to accept their own queerness, or try to change it for whatever reason (parental pressure included).

With his musicality stifled, Pran's songwriting spirit is diminished and enfeebled all the way until Ep.11, when he talks with Junior's stern but loving mom on the beach.

He learns from her relationship with Junior, and the parallels with the relationship between him and his mom, that the restrictions Dissaya had imposed on his life (including her prejudice against his guitar-playing and music-making), really came from a place of love (even if her efforts were misguided).

Dissaya didn't forbid Pran from playing his guitar because she inherently hated it or hated music. I believe that Dissaya's aversion to Pran making music on his guitar was because it had proven itself to be a very effective means of overcoming the emotional and psychological walls she'd built between the Jindapat and Siridechawat households, by providing an activity that Pran and Pat could enjoy in collaboration as friends, rather than competing as rivals. Her interdiction was motivated by maternal love, not animosity toward her son or his music, and – fearing the worst with the Jindapats involved – she was trying to protect him (having learnt firsthand how proximity to Ming could bring about disaster).

This parallels how some parents, who love their queer kids, still subject them to terrible pressures because of their fearfulness of all things LGBTQ+ (for whatever reason, including the possibility of their children being harmed somehow by being LGBTQ+).

But even if Dissaya's intentions had been good, oppression is still oppression, and Pran's struggle to free himself from that final bondage is what we see in the telling of the side-story with the guitar. And his journey to stop lying to himself about his true (musical) nature, despite the difficulties that it would pose to the relationship with his mom, parallels the journey that so many LGBTQ+ youth have faced (or will have to face) in reconciling their queerness with their own family relationships.

It's only after Pran understands the love behind Dissaya's actions, and forgives her for the mistakes she made in bringing him up, that his heart finds its musical voice again and he is finally able to complete the song that tells the story of his and Pat's love. (See this write-up linked here for more explanation on Pran's healing at the beach.)

(above) Pran finally smiles again making music with his guitar

Remembering that Our Song is PatPran's anthem, the story of their love told in music, we see that Pran is only able to give voice fully to the love and joy in his heart after he's been released from the forces suppressing his true nature. This is also the reason why Ep.11 ends with UncleTong's voice-over during Pran's rendition of the song, because his message of staying true to yourself, even if others disapprove, was as applicable to Pran and his musicality, as it was to PatPran and their relationship – and ultimately to LGBTQ+ people as well.

Significantly, Pran did not need Dissaya's approval of his music-making to finish writing Our Song. That release came only from him forgiving her and releasing himself from the emotional grip that she had on him, which then allowed the completion of Our Song to happen. (I also like to think the ending of Pran's alienation from his guitar is hailed in the triumphant, soaring guitar solo that forms the bridge before the last chorus of the song – a celebration too, perhaps, of the joy when a soul is set free from captivity.)

When Pran stopped lying about his musicality and allowed himself to be reunited with his love for music despite Dissaya's blockade, the message for any young LGBTQ+ person is that the approval of any loved one shouldn't stand in the way of you finding the truest version of yourself, along with the right to live your life as it's meant to be lived and to love whomever you choose. It's simply not a good enough reason to justify imprisoning your own truth while pretending to be what you are not (it certainly didn't work for Pran).

You must safeguard yourself if there's any risk of harm (just as PatPran found a way to safeguard their futures by not exploding their educational/professional horizons or family lives with any unwanted revelation about their relationship), but your life is yours alone to live, and it should be on the terms of your own choosing and no one else's (just as PatPran could not live out Ming and Dissaya's own conflict on their behalf).

And if it's not control that's imposed by force, but only your own self-repression kept in place by a sense of duty (or love, or honor, whatever), then you yourself have the power to change the way you exercise that duty, love or honor, by retaking the agency that belongs to you, and unfettering all of your locked-away potential – just as Pran did.

So finally, at the end of Ep.12, we are shown that Dissaya herself undergoes a measure of healing and growth too, when she sees Ming taking tentative steps to moderate the warfare (crossing over and handing back their wrongly-delivered mail).

His small act of unselfishness precipitates a softening of her stance regarding the family next door. Perhaps it dawns on her that Ming isn't completely irredeemable (he too was a victim, compelled to cheat her out of that scholarship because of the pressure put on him by his own father).

And perhaps she realizes too how illogical it was to make Pran's guitar (and music-making) another scapegoat in her enmity with Ming, just because it had shown itself to be a bridge across the divide with the Jindapats (when it got Pran and Pat collaborating on the Christmas song contest).

In any case, Dissaya takes Pran's guitar out of storage and leaves it out for him. (I think she did overhear Pran and his dad whispering about the guitar at Ep.12 [4/4] 5.25, and Ming's postal olive branch then made her rethink her abhorrence for it, especially since she must have known how important music was to Pran's soul.)

When Dissaya kept Pran away from guitar-playing, it was in a sense to protect him. In returning the guitar to her son, Dissaya has also given the ultimate gift of freedom and acceptance to her baby boy Pran, acknowledging that he's all grown-up now, strong from her guidance, and no longer needs her protection.

She's now allowing him to make music as he pleases, with whomever he pleases – and of course the person he chooses is Pat.

We are then shown Dissaya smiling tightly, but serenely, even as she and her husband overhear Pat and Pran singing along to that guitar upstairs (Ep.12 [4/4] 11.43).

(above) Note the photos of Dissaya on the ledge and on the table – there's always some element of blue (her color) and it's always about Pran; in one photo she's pregnant, and in the other she's holding her baby boy in her arms (the way she will forever hold him in her heart)

She's made her peace with the fact that Pran's guitar-playing also binds him with Pat, and it's partly because she's confident her son is strong enough to look out for himself now.

(above) All smiles again

This too is a parallel for the parents of LGBTQ+ youth who finally come around and allow their kids the freedom to give voice to the LGBTQ+ love stirring in their hearts, even if that voice brings forth and sings along to music that is disquietingly unconventional or different.

But I also think another reason for Dissaya changing her mind is because she's allowed at least some of her hurts over the scholarship betrayal to be healed (prompted by postman Ming's night-time delivery), so that the guitar can no longer evoke the same trauma or fear in her that it must have done in the past.

Director Backaof actually underscores the depiction of Dissaya's healing with the background music at Ep.12 [4/4] 11.43. (It's unfortunately obscured by, and heavily discordant with, Pran's singing in that scene though – bit of a fail for the sound design.)

If you listen carefully (and ignore Pran's singing), the soundtrack to Dissaya's healing moment is the same as the background music that we also hear when Pran's music-making heart is healed at Ep.11 [3I4] 1.55. 💖 (More elaboration in the write-up on Pran's healing at the beach referred to above, also linked here.)

In showing us this, BBS is allowing Pran, Dissaya and the guitar's side-story to have a happy ending. It may not always end that way in real life, but nonetheless I think the message is still valid.

And because the story of the guitar is allegorical, BBS is generously able to bestow its message of hope not just to the LGBTQ+ community – although that's one obvious target – but really, also to anybody who's marginalized for being different, or for loving differently from the norm, and is pressured to conform to expectations that are not aligned with their own wants and needs.

For example, people who've converted away from conservative religions, or those from a traditional background who've fallen in love with people of a different race or culture, will likely find something to identify with in Bad Buddy's themes of familial/social oppression and the journey to freeing yourself from it.

I think BBS's sympathetic portrayal of Dissaya holds out this message for all: if our loved ones really do love us, often they will try to force our lives into shapes that they think are right (especially if they – in their own way, and/or by their own reasoning – are doing it to protect us).

And if we do break away to live our truth, it can cause immense hurt on both sides of the divide, because their efforts to mold us, change us or direct us were coming from a place of love, and to have that love refused is heartbreaking.

But for better or for worse, they need to learn too that we're only refusing the misguided efforts born of their love, and not that love itself. Sometimes – as was the case with Dissaya – they just need time to grow (and maybe heal too, if necessary), before that can happen. And if they really do love us, they'll find a way back to us in the end.

In the meantime (like Pran did), we need to keep our hearts open, forgive any inadvertent wrongs that weren't ill-intentioned, and free ourselves as best we can to live our lives the way we know they're meant to be. 💖

[moiraineswife]

Autistic Allegories in Renarin’s Arc - Meta

s’up y’all, your favourite local rambler is back at it again. Diving straight in to this one. The motivation for this post is something that might be controversial, and I’m going to try and  explain it as clearly as I can and make my intentions clear, but I get this is the internet and things get misinterpreted to fuck. 

So, since Renarin was confirmed to be a queer character, I’ve seen a lot of posts and takes on pretty much every platform I frequent that equates all of Renarin’s traits/struggles in canon as being foreshadowing/parallels to his queer identity and experience. 

I get this. I’m also queer. I understand the instinct to take, say, Renarin’s corrupted spren bond and his desire to keep his nature as a Radiant hidden/his lack of understanding initially and assume it to be queer foreshadowing/parallel. I big get that. And that’s not a bad interpretation. 

The problem is, this is the ONLY interpretation people put forth. They ignore things explicitly said/connections made in canon to Renarin being autistic and say ‘this is it. this is what this means. it’s about him being gay’. When, actually, a good chunk of it is about his experience as an autistic man in an allistic society. Which I think is what Brandon wants to explore/has set up in the text. 

So I decided to look at this in more depth from an autistic perspective - some of the moments that most clearly parallel Renarin’s autistic experience and explain how and why this is a thing, and hopefully just highlight this aspect of his character and explain things to folks. 

Renarin’s Blade Screaming 

Jumping right into it then: Renarin’s bond with Glys is very clearly paralleled with his autism. The text outlines this connection multiple times throughout the series, and explores it in interesting ways. 

First up, Renarin first revealing himself as a Truthwatcher makes this pretty clear: 

“And the Shardblade,” Dalinar said, stepping over and taking his son by the shoulder. “You hear screams. That’s what happened to you in the arena. You couldn’t fight because of those shouts in your head from summoning the Blade. Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was me,” Renarin whispered. “My mind. But Glys, he says . . .” Renarin blinked. “Truthwatcher.” (WoR)

“Adolin,” he said softly. “I … um … I have to give you back the Shardblade you won for me.”

“Why?” Adolin said.

“It hurts to hold,” Renarin said. “It always has, to be honest. I thought it was just me, being strange. But it’s all of us.”

“Radiants, you mean.”

He nodded. (Oathbringer)

Renarin didn’t explain to his father or the others what was happening to him because he thought it was part of his autistic experience. 

Being autistic you get used to experiencing a lot of in-brain things and not realising that other people don’t experience them, too. I have hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear things other people don’t, because their brains naturally filter them out - like electronics whining. 

The experience of having a Shardblade scream inside your head is actually a pretty great parallel for sensory overload. It’s something intense, something frightening, and overwhelming, and even painful. But Renarin just endures it without comment because that’s what we’re conditioned to do. 

“A group of shellheads tried to seize one of the bridges, Brightlord,” the bridgeman said softly. “Brightlord Renarin insisted on going to help. Sir, we tried hard to dissuade him. Then, when he got near and summoned his Blade, he just kind of . . . stood there. We got him away, sir, but he’s been sitting on that rock ever since.”

[...]

“I just stood there,” Renarin said. “I wasn’t frozen because of my . . . ailment. I’m just a coward.”

When Adolin hears about Renarin freezing up he assumes that he had a fit. Renarin corrects him on this, once he’s verbal again, but says that he was just a coward. 

He froze up once he summoned his Blade. Because it would have started screaming in his head and this was overwhelming. When other Radiants have experienced this on-screen the screaming has been so intense they immediately dropped or dismissed the Blade, unable to hold it. 

From this, I infer that Renarin believes everyone experiences this when they fight with a Shardblade. He doesn’t realise that it’s strange for him because he’s a Radiant. He thinks everyone experiences it, but they push through and overcome it. He can’t, and instead of thinking something strange is going on, he assumes that it’s a weakness of his and that he’s a coward. 

This is a fairly common autistic experience. Why can’t you just get over this? Why is that overwhelming you? Just ignore the sound. Just ignore the lights. Stop being so weak/oversensitive. 

That’s what Renarin thinks is happening. That’s why he doesn’t examine his experiences more closely, and realise he’s a Radiant. He thinks it’s part of him being autistic, and that he’s just being overly sensitive, until Glys is able to communicate with him and explain he’s a Truthwatcher.

The Rhyshadium Don’t Fit

“They don’t fit, you know.”

“Don’t fit?”

“Ryshadium have stone hooves,” Renarin said, “stronger than ordinary horses’. Never need to be shod.”

“And that makes them not fit? I’d say that makes them fit better.…” Adolin eyed Renarin. “You mean ordinary horses, don’t you?”

Renarin blushed, then nodded. (Oathbringer)

This, for me, is one of the most direct and obvious parallel between Renarin’s experience as an autistic man, and his experience as a Radiant. 

Firstly, he comments on the Rhyshadium ‘not fitting’ with ordinary horses. They’re different. They have different hooves, which means they never need to be shod, like regular horses. In this case, being shod is something all horses do. It’s something natural for them, and the Rhyshadium not having it makes them stand out. This is similar to Renarin’s experience in society and in life. 

The Rhyshadium are sometimes called ‘the third shard’ - they’re tied to the Radiants and to Stormlight. Renarin aligning himself with them, and his not fittng with them not fitting, mirrors his being Radiant stopping him from fitting in as he wants to.

A big part of his arc is his desire to fit in somewhere. His integration with Bridge Four is a huge boost to his confidence. He asks to join them to try and find somewhere to belong. The bridgemen are outcasts. They’re people who don’t fit in society, either, for various different reasons. Renarin fits with them, therefore, because he doesn’t fit elsewhere. 

When he starts becoming a Radiant, and a different type of Radiant to the others, he starts to worry again. He worries that, yet again, he’s different for reasons he cannot control, and he’s worried the bridgemen will abandon or reject him as has happened frequently in noble society. 

“So why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m … not?”

Adolin gave him a flat stare.

Renarin dismissed the Blade. “I simply … Adolin, I was starting to fit in. With Bridge Four, with being a Shardbearer. Now, I’m in the darkness again. Father expects me to be a Radiant, so I can help him unite the world. But how am I supposed to learn?”

Adolin scratched his chin with his good hand. “Huh. I assumed that it just kind of came to you. It hasn’t?”

“Some has. But it … frightens me, Adolin.” He held up his hand, and it started to glow, wisps of Stormlight trailing off it, like smoke from a fire. “What if I hurt someone, or ruin things?”

The conversation continues, and further solidifies the connection between the Rhyshadium not fitting with other horses, and Renarin not fitting in with other people. 

He had become a Shardbearer, and was starting to fight and do what an Alethi man is expected to do in society. Go to war with Shards, with glory, etc etc etc. That didn’t quite work out. 

For Renarin, whenever he gets closer to assimilating with the standard society and expectations, something happens to stop him. Initially it’s his epilepsy. He has fits, and his chronic illness makes him generally weaker and more frail, meaning that he can’t fight. 

Once he’s given Shards to help mitigate those factors, he can’t use the Shards because his Radiant bond makes them scream inside his head. Again stopping him from fighting and becoming a soldier. 

He then goes on to tell Adolin that he doesn’t really know how to Radiant. And Adolin says that he thought it would just come to him/he would instinctively know, but he doesn’t. 

This is, again, a very classic autism thing. We struggle with doing things that allistic people find instinctive, and don’t need to be actively taught - such as reading and projecting the correct body language.

Adolin, who takes very naturally to all this stuff, just assumes that Renarin’s Radianting would just come to him, and Renarin has to explain that actually no, it hasn’t. This literally cannot get any clearer in forging an obvious link between his autism and his Radiant abilities. 

Renarin’s ‘Corrupted’ Bond: 

“What’s wrong with me?” Renarin asked. “Why do I see these things? I thought I was doing something right, with Glys, but somehow it’s all wrong.…” (Oathbringer)

[...]

“Does it strike you as cruel of fate, Father? My blood sickness gets healed, so I can finally be a soldier like I always wanted. But that same healing has given me another kind of fit. More dangerous than the other by far.” (Rhythm of War)

[...]

Lopen called out, asking Renarin to “look into the future and find out if I beat Huio at cards tomorrow.” It seemed a little crass to Dalinar, bringing up his son’s strange disorder, but Renarin took it with a chuckle.

[...]

It would be so much easier if he were like other Radiants. (RoW)

[...]

“And a blackness interfering, marring the beauty of the window. Like a sickness infecting both of you, at the edges.”

“Curious,” Dalinar said, looking where Renarin had pointed, though he’d see only empty air. “I wonder if we’ll ever know what that represents.”

“Oh, that one’s easy, Father,” Renarin said. “That’s me.”

“Renarin, I don’t think you should see yourself as—”

“You needn’t try to protect my ego, Father. When Glys and I bonded, we became … something new. We see the future. At first I was confused at my place—but I’ve come to understand. What I see interferes with Odium’s ability. Because I can see possibilities of the future, my knowledge changes what I will do. Therefore, his ability to see my future is obscured. Anyone close to me is difficult for him to read.”

“I find that comforting,” Dalinar said, putting his arm around Renarin’s shoulders. “Whatever you are, son, it’s a blessing. You might be a different kind of Radiant, but you’re Radiant all the same. You shouldn’t feel you need to hide this or your spren.”

Renarin ducked his head, embarrassed. His father knew not to touch him too quickly, too unexpectedly, so it wasn’t the arm around his shoulders. It was just that … well, Dalinar was so accustomed to being able to do whatever he wanted. He had written a storming book.

Renarin held no illusions that he would be similarly accepted. He and his father might be of similar rank, from the same family, but Renarin had never been able to navigate society like Dalinar did. True, his father at times “navigated” society like a chull marching through a crowd, but people got out of the way all the same.

Not for Renarin. The people of both Alethkar and Azir had thousands of years training them to fear and condemn anyone who claimed to be able to see the future. They weren’t going to put that aside easily, and particularly not for Renarin. (RoW)

Sorry for the quote barrage, but there was really  no other way to do this, and I think it makes a nice little arc in how Renarin sees himself and his bond to Glys and, by extension, his autism. 

In the temple, with Jasnah, he considers it to be something wrong. He’d thought he was finally fitting in, being like everyone else, doing something “right” but it turns out his bond is of Odium, and while he thought he fit with the others, he doesn’t. Again.

 The RoW segments are what’s most interesting to me, because what we see here, I think, is Dalinar experiencing Renarin’s ‘disorder’ as he calls it and processing it/coming to terms with it in a way a lot of parents approach their kids’ autism. But this is a bit more approachable/less painful to look at because he’s considering him being a weird glowing power ranger, and not an autistic kid. Easier to examine more honestly. 

So first of all Renarin, again, calls a direct link between his bond and his autism. The ‘healing’ that came with his bond gave him another kind of otherness. Another way he can’t be a soldier - which, for Renarin, in Alethi society, means him being like everyone else. I was going to go into this more here but this thing is already long as fuck, but in a nutshell being a soldier is Renarin’s dream because that’s him being “normal” and being like everyone else, which fate always conspires to stop him from being. 

In Alethi society the peak of masculinity and of fitting in to the social order, which revolves around war and glory and battle courage blah blah blah - is being a soldier and fighting. Which Renarin has never been able to do. Which his father has always wanted him to do - wihich Renarin knows. 

A lot of allistic people, especially allistic parents, think their autistic kids won’t pick up on their blatant ‘oh my god I wish my kid was normal’ vibes. They do. BELIEVE ME they do. This is a good little nod to that. Dalinar has never outright looked at Renarin and said ‘I want you to be a soldier to be worthy of my love and respect’ but it’s what Renarin grew up knowing and seeing from him. 

The evolution of that through exploring Dalinar’s attitude to Renarin being bonded with an Odium-aligned spren is...Utterly fascinating, to say the least.

Here, for example, Dalinar sees it as a “strange disorder”. When Renarin calls a spade a spade and just goes ‘yeah no that weird thing right there that makes you comfortable? That’s me, buddy, get used to it’. Which is just. Absolutely effervescent. There’s a big instinct allistic people have to dance around autistic people. So many innuendos. So many fluffy phrase that I hate. “On the spectrum.” “On the autism spectrum”. “Differently abled” “Sees the world differently.” Just call me autistic and let me move on with life I do not have time to deal with your internalised issues. 

He kind of comes around on it and gives him the whole “you might be a different Radiant but you’re still a Radiant to me, son”. Replace the word Radiant here with person and you’ll have a conversation I’ve experienced so many times. “Just because you’re a weird person doesn’t mean you’re not still a person!” Why thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed....Thank you for validating my humanity to my face?? As though I needed you to do that?

Contrast this with Renarin’s cheerful acceptance (ABSOLUTELY STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, HELL YES) - ‘yeah no that weird thing right there is me’. I cheered, dear reader, I CHEERED. It’s a little thing but it’s also a very very big thing. 

So is Lopen making light of things - in a way that laughs with Renarin and not at him - wanting him to predict the outcome of his card game. Renarin laughs at this, and is obviously comfortable with the jokes and the camaraderie. Dalinar winces at this and thinks that it shouldn’t be made fun of this way, that it’s crass or wrong, Renarin has a disorder, it makes him weird and delicate, people shouldn’t joke around him with that, it’s not right. But Renarin is comfortable with it, and the Bridgemen are comfortable with him, which Dalinar obviously isn’t - though I get that he’s trying to go there. 

Then, again, we draw a very direct parallel between Renarin’s Radiant experience othering him socially and autism othering a person socially. Absolutely exquisitely done mister sando, very nice indeed. 

Renarin notes that there are ways to go through society. It’s nice to be like Dalinar and have the clout to buck the expectations, and not do what you’re supposed to, and still get away with it. Isn’t that nice? Bitch wrote and published a book and he’s still seen as masculine and worthy of respect and being yielded too. 

Remember that Renarin can read and write as well - he learned so he could interpret his visions. But he hasn’t shared that with people. Because he knows that it won’t be accepted the way Dalinar was. 

Sanderson sets up this idea rather nicely in Oathbringer, actually, with the scribes meeting. 

Renarin glanced at his father. Dalinar responded with a raised fist.

He came so Renarin wouldn’t feel awkward, Shallan realized. It can’t be improper or feminine for the prince to be here if the storming Blackthorn decides to attend.

 This part has always made my heart happy. Because it’s not just about Dalinar validating Renarin’s societally ‘feminine’ tendencies - which he gets subtly bullied/mocked for during that meeting by one of the other women in attendance. It’s about all of his differences, it’s about Dalinar validating his autistic experience as well, and helping to fit him in to a society that continually rejects and ousts him. 

This idea evolves through RoW, however, with Renarin understanding that Dalinar can do things that he won’t be allowed to get away with. Dalinar isn’t so much breaking down barriers with Oathbringer as he is stomping through them because he has enough social privilege to do so, for the most part, unscathed. 

Renarin keeps his reading a secret because, even after what Dalinar has done, it’s not going to change things for most men, and certainly not him. 

Renarin has learned, throughout his life, that him being different is not going to break down any barriers. People are not going to change their world, or their worldview, for him and his differences. He knows that he has to adapt, and he knows that he won’t be afforded the same luxuries as others. 

He’s more comfortable with this now. He’s learning to be himself, and learning that the world won’t fit itself to him, he just has to do what he’s going to do anyway, and find the places where he fits, rather than trying to change the ones where he doesn’t. It’s actually a really beautiful little arc, and I’m strongly tempted to look at it in more depth at some point. Renarin and Dalinar’s dynamic is actually incredibly deep, layerd, and complex, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to look at for a while. HOWEVER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT. 

TL;DR: Renarin’s Radiant experience is a direct allegory and parallel to his autistic experience. This is explored and made blatant by canon repeatedly, throughout the series, and Renarin’s experience as a Radiant is clearly a vessel by which Sanderson intends to explore his autism. Stop erasing and ignoring this when you talk about Renarin and analyse his arc. His autism is as intrinsic to this as it is to identity. It’s part of him. Stop erasing it.

I’m not saying you can’t find parallels or comfort in Renarin’s arc as a queer person. I’m just saying you cannot look at it in isolation. As though the text is ONLY making a parallel between his queer identity and his bond. Because it’s very fucking blatantly not. His autism is obviously and canonically tied to his Radiant bond and this is something that MUST be noted whenever you talk about this aspect of Renarin’s character.

Note: if anyone has any questions or comments on this, I am happy to engage and to clarify what I meant/add further detail and supporting evidence for various different aspects. There’s only so much I can cover in one post! For my sanity as well as yours...But there’s absolutely more, and I’m happy to look at that as well.

[tevanbuckley]

The thing that I can’t get over with Loki is that I just hate that Sylvie exists as a character, she’s just a terrible, awful copout. You can love her, you can think she’s the baddest bitch the mcu has ever offered up, you can think her and loki are the best romance that has ever dared grace our screens. And honestly if they’d written more effectively around the incest issue I think what they were going for could’ve worked. But you can’t avoid the fact that she exists as a character because marvel was either too ignorant or too chicken shit to actually make Loki genderfluid. After explicitly saying that he would be. That’s a fact. I don’t care how much you love the character, the show or the relationship. At some point in your enjoyment of it you have to reconcile that.

Loki could’ve been brilliant, like genuinely all of the building blocks were there. A queer character who has to break free from this oppressively normative organisation and decide their own destiny after literal centuries of trying to compete with their hyper-masculine warrior-archetype brother? Fucking sign me up. But for that to work as an effective allegory you have to be willing to centre Loki’s queerness. Why not have a good omens style relationship between Loki and Mobius where Loki is the “corrupting” influence ala crowley that allows both of them to break free, or by making Sylvie explicitly trans (and ya know, casting a trans actor). Like a Loki who’s literal nexus event was them identifying as the perceived ‘wrong’ gender and our Loki realising through that mirror that they can be literally whatever they want? Again ideally through some kind of expression of his own queer identity. Chef’s kiss. But the show isn’t willing to centre Loki’s queer identity (any identity) in any meaningful way. We get one line. One. And some set dressing that is contradicted by the script on multiple occasions.

Let me compare it to TFATWS, if you swapped Sam out for a white man the entire premise of the show falls apart. Sam’s anger at what’s happening post-blip and his sympathy with Karli is directly presented through the lens of his identity as a Black American. Now cut that one line from Loki, literally nothing about the show would change, because nothing about this show was constructed with that identity even remotely in mind. There’s no stakes to his queerness. And the idea that that’s a good thing, that “oh queer people are just like straight people, sexuality doesn’t matter” is based in some very sketchy early 2000s respectability politics. Queer people aren’t just Straight and/or Cis people with a spicy dating life. It’s not much to ask that my experience as a queer person matters more than just “he said he dated a man once”.

[gammagoop]

more details for all my dedicated readers

skizz has worked like 200 different jobs, so it's a running gag that if anyone needs help with something they'll ask skizz, no matter what it is

^ skizz gives grian, joel, and jimmy advice for their bakery endeavors

there needs to be some kind of allegory for them killing each other in the canon -- maybe everyone's really into weekly dodgeball or something

mumbo never actually appears in the show, but is brought up a lot by grian. he often says things like "i miss mumbo" or "i wish mumbo were here". not everyone is convinced that 'mumbo' is actually a real person. scar swears he's met mumbo before, but that's honestly just more evidence that he doesn't exist

almost everyone in this au lives on the same apartment building, rather than separate houses, so the next few bullets will be about that

obviously cleo, bdubs, and scar all live together. etho doesn't live in the building but his living situation is never shown on-screen. he's just shown arriving at the complex

pearl and bigb are roommates and live next door to cleo

grian and jimmy are also roommates. joel used to live there too but moved in with lizzie a little while after they started dating

^ jimmy plans a goodbye party when joel moves out and grian helps him set up for it. jimmy is like teary-eyed “we’re gonna miss you joel! goodbye!” and then joel is like “okay” and walks to his new apartment across the hall

im not sure if skizz, impulse, and tango would all live in that same building as well, but if they do it's on a different floor. they don't all live together but they live very close to each other

scott and martyn are roommates

ren doesn't live in the complex, but is often crashing at various people's places. sometimes he'll mention that he's been staying with his friend 'doc'

grian would make most sense as landlord since he owns the limlife server but i dont think that makes sense narratively so maybe its just never mentioned

ok back to the non-living situation points

scott and cleo are the most openly queer characters, though lizzie being bi is mentioned once or twice. even though etho and joel dated, they're both usually included amongst the heteros

various other related-mcyts show up for specials. oli in specific initiates a musical episode

there's a valentines day special in which bdubs and scar try to set etho up on dates so he can find a new partner (etho is not very invested in this mission)

^ the rest of the side plots are pretty chill. joel and lizzie go on a fun date, cleo enjoys some alone time, some of the other folks organize a platonic valentines celebration

^^ bigb brings cookies, grian asks him if he wants to be part of the bakery coalition, but bigb tells him no because baking is just a fun hobby for him

^^ the episode ends with most of them at the party. bdubs and scar show up looking tired and worn , presumably the etho dates went pretty badly

scott and jimmy have a very on-and-off relationship that's mostly dictated by scott. for a lot of the show it's played for a joke, but there is a more serious plotline in which jimmy sets a boundary against it. scott hadn't been messing with him maliciously, of course, but there was a lack of communication between them-- especially because jimmy didn't quite know how uncomfortable he'd been. they come to an understanding that leaves them as mostly just good friends

in terms of jobs, we've established that cleo is a zumba instructor and TIES work in IT. but for the others:

^ pearl is a cleaning lady, of course, and makes good money doing it

^ bdubs works in retail but hates it. scar is a door-to-door insurance salesman but has dreams of working in a theme park (disney)

^ joel and jimmy are coworkers (outside of the bakery) but im not 100% on what they would do

i think that's all i have for now! if you want more from this au, check out this drawing cloud did! :D

limited life 90s sitcom au

[herinsectreflection]

If I could reach into the show and pull out one single thing from the canon, it would be that one line in Normal Again. "Back when I saw my first vampires...I got so scared. I told my parents ... and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic." I'm not usually one to care about "retcons" - my general belief is that if you need to change or ignore some continuity in order to tell a good story, you should absolutely do that and damn the consequences. I'm pro-retcons. But this is not a good one. It's a line that totally recontextualises the first two seasons of the show into a much worse light.

If we are to accept this line as true, then that means that every time Joyce casually dismisses Buffy's angst as standard teenage nonsense, she is doing that to somebody she deemed mentally unwell enough to be insitutionalised. When Joyce expresses anger an disappointment towards Buffy, it's not because she doesn't have enough information and thinks Buffy is acting out for no discernible reason, it's now disappointment and anger towards a child she believes is mentally ill and suffering hallucinations. When Buffy makes jokey sarcastic-confession references to vampires and Joyce brushes it off, she's not just reacting as a normal person would when somebody mentions fighting vampires - she's actually her daughter exhiiting signs of a mental illness she previously deemed so concerning she had her locked up.

Look at this exchange from Bad Eggs and consider it under the context of "Buffy once told Joyce that she thought vampires were real and Joyce had her institutionalised for it".

Joyce: A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes? Buffy: Saving the world from vampires? Joyce: I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head.

Suddenly, an entirely normal conversation where everyone is acting fairly sympathetically given the information they have becomes a highly disturbing example of a neglectful and almost gaslight-y parent. A parent treating their child's mental illness in this way is horrible on its own, but there also arise disturbing connotations in the metaphors the show uses. The show consistently hits the "slayerhood as queer metaphor" button very hard with Joyce - for example Buffy's "coming out" to her mother in Becoming being very obviously coded as a queer person coming out to a misunderstanding parent ("Have you tried not being a Slayer?"). So under this metaphor, Buffy being institutionalised by her parents becomes a fairly direct allegory for being sent to conversion therapy. That's honestly a more upsetting thought than I want to consider.

It totally redefines Buffy's story too. We watched two seasons of her struggling with this secret, trying to balance these two sides of herself, and eventually realising that she can't separate them and admitting the truth to her mother. This line changes that story, from "I don't know if I can tell this secret" to "I told this secret before and it went really badly". Which is an entirely different story. It becomes deeply upsetting to watch Buffy in the first two seasons in the context of Buffy having this trauma of being institutionalised that is just being completely unacknowledged by the text.

And it's just so deeply unnecessary. It's inserted to lend credence to Buffy's paranoia over which world is real, and that's pretty much it. There is no effort to address Buffy's trauma going forward, no extra consideration of what these revelations mean for her. It's in service of what I think is the least interesting part of one episode - the idea that maybe the mental institution is the real world. The more interesting part of that episode is Buffy struggling with which world she wants to be real, and I don't think that this line is necessary for that idea.

Again, as a rule I really do not care about retcons. Being a Doctor Who fan made me immune to that I think. But I think this is the worst kind of retcon. Something like the soul canon, which becomes very vague and contradictory in the latter seasons of the show, doesn't bother me because I think those contradictions ultimately service a more interesting story. You can view the earlier seasons through the lens of "yes, actually, soulless creatures can be good" and gain a lot from viewing it that way. This line is something that I think makes viewing the earlier seasons actively worse. A lens of "Buffy was institutionalised by her parents" makes the first 2-3 seasons unecessarily upsetting for the reasons I've gone over, and for little discernible benefit.

I don't often like to be purely negative, but I realy don't like this line, and I will probably die on this hill.