#there's a whole set i've been meaning to make since the like 2nd set i posted

[khaotunq]

First Kanaphan as Kant (The Heart Killers, 2024-2025)

[writingforstraykids]

I keep thinking about dilf!Felix like him being your besties dad or something….

-🎀

I swear I've been staring at this for so long, debating if I should do a full fic or just some thoughts. Well, thank my dear Azzy @galaxycatdrawz for this, because you made his thoughts go wild. Basically I just had to transform his whole little plan into a fic. There will be 2nd chapter (including smut) but have fun with this for now.🖤

Finding home in your heart

Pairing: Felix x fem!reader (mention of Minchan | Jisung)

Word Count: 7571

Summary: Felix got cheated on by his wife repeatedly and ends up heartbroken after the discovery. His adoptive daughter, your best friend, tells you the whole story and asks you to move in as you're struggling to find a place. Your only problem; you had a crush on Felix for ages and living with him isn't making it easier...

Warnings/Tags: angst, emotional hurt!comfort, fluff, insecure!lix, domestic shit, baking, cuddles, slowburn (ig?), first kiss, age difference (8 years, it's legal since this fic is for adults, chill out)

PART TWO

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

Felix’s love life had been nothing but a steady stream of predictable days blending into years. He would have never doubted his beautiful wife and would have never second-guessed her love for him. They had gotten married early and soon found out his wife was incapable of carrying his children. So, after some consideration, they adopted a young girl and raised her like their own. She had grown into a smart young woman, and Felix couldn’t be more proud of her. Given the age gap of only ten years he had always been rather close with her and later you, her best friend.

One night he decided to surprise his wife, coming home early as his daughter was staying at yours. What greeted him wasn’t the usual warmth and coziness of his home but the sight of his wife in a certain setting no man wants to find the love of his life in with another man. For a moment, Felix found himself frozen in place, the safe foundation of his life slowly crumbling away beneath his feet. He whispered her name in disbelief, only to find out that this had been going on for years. Felix felt like his whole life shattered to pieces and the betrayal left an ugly taste of bitterness on his lips. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this?

-

“And then she just left,” your best friend ends her story, and your eyes grow even wider than they have already been. 

“You’re kidding?” you ask, shocked. 

“Apparently, she said something about how this shit has been going on for years, that she never really loved him, and that she’ll leave until he finds a new place,” she rages on and paces her bedroom angrily. “Oh, and I’m just another burden he talked her into,” she scoffs, and your frown deepens. 

“You won’t stay here, right?” you ask cautiously. You can’t imagine she will, but still. 

“Oh, hell no. I’ll go with Dad, she can piss off,” she shakes her head and drops onto her mattress. “The perk of being not related to her is that I can push her out of my life for good,” she snorts, and you gently pat her back. “I feel so bad for him,” she sighs. 

“It must’ve been a huge shock,” you nod, your heart feeling heavy. Felix has always been kind to you from day one. Whenever your family was struggling, he helped out, even if it was simply by taking you with them to theme parks, the movies, or shopping. Felix was only eight years older than you and ten years older than your best friend, so the older you got, the more he felt like an older friend instead of your best friend’s father. Also, he was stunningly handsome, but that wasn’t relevant right now.

“He’s trying to hide it, but I know how shitty he feels right now,” she tells you worriedly. “I mean, he’s never been with anyone else and-.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” you assure her gently. “He has such a kind heart, I’m sure someone will love him, truly.”

“I will thoroughly check the next person. You’ll have to help me then, go all detective on them,” she smirks, and you agree, laughing. 

A gentle knock at the door interrupts you, and Felix opens the door flashing you a tired smile as a greeting before glancing at his daughter. “Channie called, he has a spare place we can have.”

“Just like that?” she asks baffled. 

Felix chuckles weakly and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just like that. I told him I’d pay, but Minho insisted they don’t need the place, and it’s all paid off.”

“How convenient,” she smirks and rolls her eyes. “Typical uncle Min,” she grins.

“Yeah,” he laughs and sighs softly. “You think you can get everything ready in the next few days?”

“You really can’t wait to get out of here, huh?” she laughs, and his smile dies, eyes clouding with pain. 

“Yeah, I guess,” he nods and clears his throat as his daughter looks at him apologetically. “Well, let me know when you’re hungry, and we can order something,” he announces, putting on a smile and quickly pulling the door closed. 

“See?” she whispers. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

You hum gently and pat your best friend’s knee. “Well, I can help you move, I have nothing to do those next few weeks.” 

“You’re so sweet,” she giggles and hops up, ripping the door open. “Dad, Y/nnie says she’s gonna help us move our stuff!” she shouts downstairs. 

“Lovely,” Felix shouts back halfheartedly and flinches as his daughter slams the door closed again. “Fucks sake, this woman,” he snorts and stands still in the living room for a moment. He chews on his lower lip as the many memories he made in this very room crash over him like a wave, trying to drown him. “You’re such a dumbass,” he whispers to himself. 

“No, you’re not, she’s just a massive bitch,” you speak up gently, suddenly standing in the living room with him. 

He blinks at you with wide, confused eyes before a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Mhm, you could say that. Doesn’t make me any wiser, letting her fool me for the past ten years,” he huffs softly and rubs his face. “I just feel bad for her,” he says, and you know he means your best friend upstairs. “All I always wanted for her was a stable home after everything she went through.”

“Look at her, you did great,” you tell him, and he chuckles weakly.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” he waves you off and blinks at you surprised as you offer him a hug. He accepts it after a short moment of hesitation and bites back a laugh as you pat his back encouragingly. 

“You’ll be okay…she’ll never find someone better, so fuck her. It’s her loss,” you tell him, and Felix snorts before letting go of you and grabbing his phone. 

“We’ll see,” he hums softly, subtly bringing some distance between the two of you again. “You’re gonna stay for dinner?” he asks, and you gently shake your head. 

“I promised Mum I’d be home for dinner today,” you tell him, and he nods gently.

“You need a ride?” he offers, and you wave him off. 

“I’ll be fine, promise,” you assure him and exchange your goodbyes.

One week later

You put down the boxes you carried inside and look around with wide eyes. “Wow, Min wasn’t lying. This place is huge.”

“Right? I didn’t quite believe it as well,” your best friend giggles and puts down her boxes as well.

“Why would I lie about that, huh?” Minho asks playfully offended, adding some boxes on the floor next to yours. “You think we’d give your dad and you some shabby place? You think that lowly of us?”

Chan pokes his side, making him squeak and giggles as Minho playfully raises his fists to fight him. “Relax, no one’s calling you a liar, baby.”

“Sure hope so,” he teases and naturally intertwines their hands, pulling Chan with him. “You haven’t seen the view from up here yet,” he announces and waves you after him.

You follow the pair of them onto the huge balcony, and your breath hitches. From up here, you can see parts of the city and the ocean, and still it’s so peaceful up here. 

“How’s your dad, kiddo?” Minho asks your best friend after a moment of comfortable silence.

“Worse than he admits,” she answers, and Minho hums gently. “If you ask me, he’s fucking heartbroken and feels worthless. If you ask him, he’s okay and just a little caught up in his thoughts,” she further explains. 

“Give him time,” Chan tells her gently and sighs, looking down at the ocean. “Ten years is a lot, you know?”

The door to the balcony opens, and Felix steps outside, laughing at you all. “Seriously? You’re out here enjoying the view while I’m carrying all those boxes?” he asks, and you all start laughing before hurrying back inside to help him.

Once everything is inside, Minho and Chan give you a tour through the house and you wonder what Felix and your friend would do with all this space. The couple soon leaves again to give them some space to settle in. 

Your best friend strolls through the house and frowns softly. “You’re alright?” Felix asks her, frowning softly. “I know it’s not home, but we can make it work, it’ll just need some time and-.”

“Dad, home is wherever you are, relax,” she laughs, and Felix nods, stunned, looking adorably touched by her words. “I just…this place is huge.”

“It is,” he nods. “I have no idea what the hell they had planned for this.”

“Nothing useful, as Min put it,” you chime in, and Felix grins at your remark.

“I’ll feel so lonely here if you’re at work,” she speaks up after a moment, and Felix’s face softens.

“Dear, there’ll be a point in your life when you move out and everything. I won’t always be around,” he says, and she glares at him. 

“Don’t say shit like that, you’re only ten years older than I am, it’ll take a while,” she points out, and he snorts but gives in, remaining quiet. “Y/nnie, how’s the hunt for a flat going?” she asks.

“I already told you it’s shit,” you sigh softly, not quite picking up on her true intentions behind that question. “It’s either too expensive or so much out of town it’s not exactly convenient.”

“Oh, you’re going to move out?” Felix asks, busying himself with one of the boxes.

“I want to, my parents could use the space for something else,” you nod.

“Dad?” she asks, drawing out the word with a sweet tone. 

“What do you want?” he asks, not even looking up.

“She could move in with us,” she says, and you frown at her. Felix looks up, confused, and tilts his head at her. “She can’t find a place, I worry about getting lonely here…you could use some more company as well before you’re fully depressed and-.”

“Will you stop?” he snaps at her. “I’m not depressed, I’m fine besides the fact that I got cheated on after wasting ten years of my life,” he continues and shakes his head at her. “Stop reading into it that much, I’ll start believing you at this point.”

You lower your gaze at the floor and awkwardly shuffle on your feet. “Gosh, relax,” she sighs. “That just proved my point.”

Felix throws the contents of the box back inside and pushes himself up. “I’m getting some fresh air. And yes, you can move in if you want to, it’s not like we’d lack space or whatever,” he says before leaving the two of you. 

“Nice one,” you sigh softly. 

“What?” she groans and rolls her eyes. “You know I’m right.”

“And that makes it better?” you chuckle, and she huffs softly. “Fine, fine, I’ll go apologize…but would you?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh softly. “I’d feel like I’m intruding,” you argue gently. 

“Never,” she shakes her head firmly. “Also, you’re here every day anyway, so nothing changes,” she grins before sighing softly. “Dad?” she shouts, and you roll your eyes at her.

Should you? Move in with your best friend and her heartbroken, conveniently handsome adoptive father? That could only go wrong, right?

You join them on the balcony and sigh softly, meeting your best friend’s eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

She shouts in joy and pulls you into a tight hug, hopping excitedly. “You’re the best best friend I could’ve ever wished for!”

“Yeah, yeah,” you chuckle and roll your eyes playfully, catching Felix smirking at the two of you.

Three weeks later

You hum to yourself as you make your way from the kitchen to the living room area. Your best friend is staying the night at her boyfriend’s, and Felix is out on Stray Kids duty, as you jokingly call it. So, for now, you have the whole house to yourself. You moved in fully about two weeks ago, and your new room is bigger than you ever dared to imagine. There’s an attached bathroom as well, and your few things look ridiculous, trying to fill up all that space you have now. 

You grab your phone and check your messages before scrolling through some news. Refreshing the page, a new article appears on top, and you realize it’s about Felix. Curiously, you click on it, and your eyes widen, realizing it’s about what happened with his wife. You read through it and smile sadly; Felix seems to have tried putting it as respectfully and vague as he could. You don’t support what that woman did for years one bit, but you also know how their fans can get so you’re glad Felix tries to stay neutral in public.

You glance up from your phone as the front door opens downstairs, and Felix comes up the stairs only a little later. Looking at him, you can tell he was crying, and your heart sinks to your stomach, seeing how tired he looks. His eyes meet yours, and you swallow softly as he stops in his tracks as if he just remembered you live here as well. “You’re okay?” you ask softly, and for the first time in weeks, Felix shakes his head.

“Not really, no,” he admits, his voice a little raspy. You can tell he’s fighting back tears, and you gently pat the spot next to you on the sofa. Felix momentarily searches your eyes before moving forward and dropping down on the sofa next to you. “I know it’s my own fault because I took off my wedding ring but I didn’t expect them to ask already,” he tells you quietly and nervously fidgets with his hands. “Chan told me to be honest before she comes up with something that’ll drag me down.”

“I think you’ve handled it quite well,” you tell him gently, and he groans in response.

“Already online, huh?” he sighs, and you hum softly. Felix throws his head back against the sofa and stares up at the ceiling. You can’t help but take in his side profile and let your eyes wander down his neck. “I hate this.”

“Hate what?” you ask gently.

“I have to have an explanation for everything as if I’d know why she cheated. Maybe it’s because I’ve been gone often with all our schedules. Maybe she got bored. Maybe she just saw past that facade of fame and sunshine behavior and realized I’m not as lovable as everyone thinks I am,” he huffs, making you frown at him. “Maybe she never loved me in the first place, and I can’t even blame her for that.”

“Stop it now,” you scold him firmly and Felix turns his head, blinking at you. “Have you ever considered that maybe she’s just a massive bitch and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?”

“Not really, no,” he shakes his head and sits up straight again. “That’s rather unlikely, isn’t it? There’s always a reason people cheat.”

“Sometimes it’s simply stupidity,” you insist. “Not everything is your fault, Felix.”

“Why does it feel like it then?” he asks quietly, and your heart breaks at the desperate glint in his eyes. “Why does it feel like I’m the one who fucked it all up? And why doesn’t she care one bit, and I’m here feeling like complete shit?”

“Because you loved her,” you say quietly and watch his face fall. “She didn’t try to make it right, did she? She didn’t protest when you suggested a divorce.” Felix shakes his head, eyes brimming with tears. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe she never loved you for who you truly are. Maybe all she saw was the fame, the money, the places you went to…but how is that your fault?”

“I…I should’ve known,” he says quietly, his lower lip quivering a little. 

“You can’t know that shit if they’re good at hiding and pretending. Who knows how long she could’ve kept up that show if you hadn’t come home early that day?” you ask, and Felix avoids your observant gaze, staring down at his hands. “The only thing you’re at fault for is beating yourself up for this and thinking you’re worthless.”

Felix remains quiet and presses his lips together tightly as hot tears run down his cheeks. His hair falls into his face as his head hangs low, and you can only tell as he sniffles softly. You hesitantly reach out for him and rub his back soothingly. Felix whispers an apology and buries his face in his hands, a quiet sob rippling through his body. You don’t know where you get the confidence from, but you move before you can reconsider what you’re about to do. Wrapping your arm around him, you pull him into a warm embrace and gently rub his shoulder. Felix tenses up briefly before he relaxes into your touch, allowing himself the comfort you spend. 

It doesn’t last for all too long, and Felix pushes himself off the sofa, messily wiping his cheeks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t-,” he stammers and exhales shakily. “I shouldn’t dump this all on you.”

“I don’t-” you start and shut your mouth as he raises his hand to stop you. 

“I know you don’t mind. I know,” he says and shakily wipes his cheek. “That doesn’t make it any better. I appreciate you trying to help, but I’ll go before I start unloading even more nonsense,” he sniffles and flashes you a sad smile. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome,” you nod gently and watch him leave. Only then do you notice your heart racing in your chest and the wet patch of his tears in your sweater. “So much to keeping boundaries, Y/n,” you scold yourself, rubbing your face tiredly.

Felix closes the door to his room and buries his face in his hands with a soft groan. “What the fuck are you doing?” he whispers and stands still for a moment. What is he doing, sobbing in his daughter’s best friend’s arms? Is he going insane? Felix closes his eyes and tries to forget how comfortable your hug felt, how good you smelled, and how soothing your presence was to him. “Fuck,” he whispers into the emptiness of his room.

One week later

Your heart thumps loudly in your chest as you walk down the hallway, clutching your visitor pass. Your best friend asked you to pick up Felix from work tonight because she had to work late and would then stay at her boyfriend's again. Would he think weirdly of you for it? He's been avoiding you a little after that emotional breakdown a week ago, and you can't blame him. 

You reach Chan's studio and knock gently, letting yourself in. 

“Oh, Y/nnie,” Chan greets you cheerfully. 

“Haven't seen you here in a while,” Minho adds curiously. 

“Yeah, uh, I have to pick up Felix,” you say, and they frown. 

“I thought-”

“No, she's working late and staying at her boyfriend's or something like that,” you shrug your shoulders. 

“She asks you to move in so she isn't lonely and leaves all the time,” Minho shakes his head, amused. “Well, at least someone's keeping an eye on Lix, then.”

“Mhm, yeah,” you nod. “Where is he?”

“In the practice room down the hallway. Uh…he's in a shit mood today,” Minho tells you. 

“Define shit mood,” you chuckle. 

“Everything is shit, nothing works, he's useless,” Chan sighs softly and shakes his head. “We tried.”

You sigh heavily and roll your eyes. “Fine, I'll do my best.”

“Good luck,” Chan giggles. 

Only a little later, you open the door to the practice room and slip inside. You frown as you spot Felix stretched out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. “I swear, Channie, if you're here to tell me another bad joke that's supposed to make me laugh, I'll snap,” he announces. 

You stop next to him and tilt your head at him. “Not Channie,” you say. “What's that supposed to be?” you ask, vaguely waving at his current position. 

“It's my new favorite yoga position called utter depression,” he says dryly and throws you a peace sign. “That's I'm a failure, what's your name?”

“Chan wasn't lying,” you nod slowly. 

“Did Chan call you? Seriously?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows. 

“No. In fact, it was your lovely daughter asking me to come pick you up. She's working late, and then she'll stay over at her boyfriend's.”

“I still can't believe she asked you to move in so she wouldn't be lonely, and now she's barely home,” Felix snorts and groans softly. 

“Mhm, you guys are repeating yourselves, Min said the same thing,” you tell him and gently poke his side with your shoe. “What's going on, Mr. utter depression?” 

“Nothing, as you can see,” he sighs. “I fucked up during practice today. Minho only didn't call me out for all the mistakes because he felt sorry for me at the time,” he tells you. 

“And that led you down the good old road to self-hatred?” you ask, sitting down on the floor next to him. 

“Maybe,” he answers vaguely. 

“Surely,” you correct him. “Lix?” you ask gently, and he turns his head toward you. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No,” he shakes his head as his eyes trace your features. 

“We could take a walk and grab some food on the way. We don't have to talk or anything. It's just for you to clear your head and empty all that garbage you keep up there,” you tell him, tugging a small smile at the corner of his lips. 

“Yeah, okay,” he nods. 

You exchange your goodbyes with Min and Chan, who secretly throw some hearts your way when Felix isn't looking. Idiots. 

-

After that evening, it all got easier again. You didn't talk much that day, but the fresh air, bright lights, and warm food had lightened Felix's mood immensely. Over the following two weeks, you two grew closer, and Felix allowed himself to be more open. With your best friend gone quite frequently, it was often only you and him. 

The more time you spent together, the more you realized how ridiculously perfect Felix was. His beautiful brown eyes, soft features adorned by all those sweet freckles, and blond hair falling around his face made your stomach flip. His sweet smile and even prettier laugh made you feel like winning a trophy every time you were the reason for it. He's so kind and polite that it makes your head spin. 

Felix can't quite stop himself from looking at you whenever you don't notice. The more time you spend, the more he notices how beautiful you are. How caring and gentle. Your smile brightens his days and he can't fully shake the longing to be in your arms again off. He hasn't felt as comfortable around someone in a while, and there's a lingering worry in the back of his head telling him that he really shouldn't allow himself to fall for you. It only gets worse watching you doing the most mundane things and wishing that you wouldn't leave again. 

-

Another two weeks later your best friend announces she'll be abroad for a holiday with her boyfriend for two weeks. Two weeks. It'll only be Felix and you for fourteen days. That thought wasn't helping your anxious heart, trying not to fall for him at all. 

You decided to make the best out of it and forget about your worries. Seeing Felix smile again was all that counted. 

The first morning, Felix tiredly strolls down the hallway from his room and stops in his tracks when he sees you at the stove. A sweet scent lingers in the kitchen, and he realizes you're making pancakes for breakfast. His heart picks up pace, and he takes a deep breath, reminding himself to act normal. “Morning,” he says, not knowing that his even deeper morning voice sends shivers down your spine. 

“Good morning,” you smile at him, bright as ever. He has to look somewhere else to stop himself from blushing. “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes,” you tell him, and he hums softly. 

Felix sits down at the kitchen island and watches you thoughtfully. It's ridiculous how used to your presence he got over the past few weeks. Almost as if he couldn't imagine it any other way anymore. “Do you have any plans for today?” he asks and you shake your head as you put the pancakes on a big plate. 

“Why?” you ask curiously and turn off the stove. 

“Uh, I was thinking about painting her room since she wanted a new color so badly…I was wondering if you'd like to help?” he asks nervously. 

You put down the plate and nod. “Sure, why not?” 

Felix flashes you a sweet smile and thanks you as you hand him a plate with some pancakes. They're so fluffy they almost melt on his tongue, and he has trouble biting back a moan. “Oh, they're amazing,” he tells you and notices the subtle blush settling on your cheeks. 

“Thank you,” you smile almost shyly. 

Seriously, can't you give him a break? 

-

After breakfast, Felix takes a quick shower, and you put on some clothes that could be ruined by the paint. You meet again in your best friend's room, and you smile at how soft Felix looks in a pair of gray sweatpants and a wide sweater. You pull all the furniture away from the walls, covering everything up before Felix shows you how to apply the paint properly. In the beginning, you're both quietly working and it feels peaceful, just focusing on painting for now. Then Felix starts talking, trying to kill the silence. “I signed the divorce papers yesterday,” he says casually, and you need a moment to figure out how to answer. 

“Congratulations?” you chuckle, and he laughs, realizing how out of pocket this has been.

“Sorry, that was pretty random,” he apologizes. 

“No, it's fine. I'm glad you did,” you say, and he glances at you, making you ramble on quickly. “I mean, it's the right thing to do. Did you settle on anything? Does she demand stuff?”

“If she doesn't want my legal team to be less nice about the reason we're getting a divorce than I was, then she won't,” he tells you and sighs softly. “She has the old house, and I don't have to pay her anything. I'm glad when we're done with the whole process,” he admits tiredly. 

“I bet you are,” you nod gently. “You deserve some peace after everything,” you say, and he hums softly, pressing his lips together briefly. “We can stop talking about it,” you assure him gently, and Felix nods thankfully. 

“We need more paint,” he states. 

“Well, we should let this dry anyway for today,” you nod and flash him a gentle smile. “We could go buy some more and then call it a day?”

“Sounds good,” he nods, rubbing his face tiredly, and turns toward you fully now. 

“You've got some paint on your cheek,” you say, and he blindly reaches out to wipe it off. He doesn't quite get it and you step in front of him, reaching out for him. “Let me help,” you say and gently rub your thumb over his cheek, wiping the still fresh paint off. 

Felix freezes in place, staring at you as you do so. He feels like the world stops for a moment but then your soft touch is already gone again. He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding in and follows you outside. Fucks sake. 

-

You wander through the store next to him and you end up buying some more stuff to decorate the house a little more. Felix's phone rings and you can tell it's Chan by the way his face lights up. He nudges your side after a moment. “You're hungry?”

“I could eat,” you nod.

“Min and Chan ask if we wanna stop by,” he tells you, and you shrug your shoulders. 

“Sure, why not?” 

Only shortly after, you reach their house, and your eyes widen, spotting the two small kittens on the carpet. “Oh, you have new ones?” you ask excitedly and Minho looks at you as if he's going to hit you. 

“Or not?” you ask, chuckling. 

Chan gently pokes his cheek and grins at you. “Yeah, we got them like a week ago,” he nods, and you crouch down as they make their way over. 

“Can I hold them?” you ask, looking at Minho, and his face softens. 

“If they let you,” he nods and tells you to sit down on the floor. 

He picks up the first one and gently hands it over to you, making sure you hold it right. “He's usually very calm, so if you don't move too quickly, you should be fine,” he tells you and sits down, grabbing the second one. “She's a little rascal,” he smirks and gently scratches her head. 

“They're so tiny,” you say, amazed. 

“Here, he loves those,” Chan says, handing you a little treat. 

You hold out your hand for the kitten, and he doesn't waste much time. You giggle at his tiny tongue licking over your palm and beam at Minho excitedly. Chan passes Minho and gently runs his hand through his hair mindlessly. Minho smiles softly and looks up at him so full of love you can't help but wish you'd find someone you shared the same type of deep love with. “Wanna help me set the table, Lix?” he asks, and Felix hums, following him, not after a quick glance in your direction to make sure you're alright. 

Soon after, you're all gathered around the table, and you all thank Minho for cooking. Chan glances at Felix after a while and seems to debate whether he should ask what's going through his head. “Lix?” he asks, and his friend turns toward him. “How are you holding up?”

“I'm fine,” he smiles tiredly, and you know the question starts to bother him by now. 

“You said that from day one,” Minho chuckles and tilts his head at him. 

“No, I am. I signed the papers yesterday and then soon it'll all be over,” he explains. 

“Have you met anyone new?” Minho asks curiously. “I mean, it's been almost two months.”

“Mhm, after ten years of a fake marriage. I still have time, don't you think?” he asks sourly. 

Chan steps in, trying to ease the mood. “We're just worried about you getting lonely, Lix,” he tells him. 

“I'd rather be lonely than that,” he says and rolls his eyes at them. “Not everyone finds the one and lives happily ever after from day one on,” he says, looking at the two of them. 

“That's hardly realistic, nothing was perfect from day one,” Minho shakes his head. 

“Not really, no,” Chan snorts and winks at him. 

“Well, you're not me, so…,” Felix says quietly, and the mood changes. 

“Meaning?” Minho asks patiently, even though you can tell he’d rather punch some sense into him.

Felix puts down his chopsticks and sighs heavily. “I'm way too emotional, I'm too shy to approach anyone or initiate anything further, I mess up stuff constantly and-.”

“Will you stop?” you cut him off, and everyone looks at you as if they're remembering you're still here. “You keep on talking shit about yourself, and you don't even realize you're letting her win.”

“I'm not letting her—” he frowns. Chan is about to speak up, but Minho stops him, resting his hand on his. 

“Yes, you are. She used you for years, and you're still letting her by making it all your fault. As if she had no other choice but to go off and fuck around with whoever she found moderately fuckable,” you say, and he blinks at you, stunned as Chan chokes on his breath. “You're talented at what you do, you're hardworking, and you're one of the most caring people I know. You didn't have to, but you always made me feel at home when I visited your daughter. You haven't done any differently since I moved in, and as long as you aren't talking shit about yourself, you're pretty funny. And-.”

“Y/nnie,” he says softly, and it's the first time he's called you that. “Eat up; it's going to get cold.” 

You quickly shut your mouth, ears burning up as you realize you've just been pretty open in front of Minho and Chan. “Yeah, okay, you better shut up then…respectfully.”

“Message received,” he smiles gently. 

Minho raises his eyebrows and glances at Chan before moving his eyes between the two of you. Chan frowns before his eyes widen, and he squints at him. Minho widens his eyes and puts on a little passive aggressively encouraging smile, signaling him that, yes, he is VERY right about this. 

“You can stop the eye fuckery over there, I'll get sick,” Felix calls them out, and you frown softly at Minho's mischievous grin. 

“Y/n, what about you?” Minho asks curiously. 

“You're playing cupid as a side business, or what is this?” you ask right back. 

“Simply interested,” he gives back. 

“I'm single if you must know so badly, and no, my self-esteem isn't drowning as much as Lix’s,” you say, and Felix pokes your side, protesting softly. 

Chan watches you quietly before glancing at his husband and humming softly. Minho simply smirks. 

Later, when it's time to leave, you hold your hand out for Felix, and he tilts his head at you questioningly. “Keys, please,” you smile. 

“Huh?” he asks, amused. 

“You had two drinks, I didn't have any, and I'm driving,” you tell him, stretching your hand out once more. 

“Listen to her, Yongbokie,” Minho tells him, and Felix gives in and hands you the keys. 

-

“That was really sweet,” Felix says, almost too quiet to hear. 

“The kittens?” you giggle. 

“Mhm, yeah, they too,” he nods and glances over at you. “I meant what you said…I uh... thanks.”

“Oh,” you nod and feel your heart warming at the softness in his eyes. “I meant it.”

“I know,” he whispers and can barely meet your eyes. 

“You should give yourself more credit. Try seeing yourself through the eyes of the people you mean something to from time to time,” you say, parking the car in front of the house. 

Felix looks at you, a little stunned. “I mean something to you?” he asks softly. 

“Well, of course you do, Lixie,” you smile and lean over, brushing his hair back for him. 

“Yeah?” he asks, eyes traveling down to your lips before he can fight it. 

“Mhm,” you hum softly and search his eyes. Suddenly, you move forward and your lips meet in a soft kiss that has him melting in his seat. He reaches up to bury his hand into your hair and-.

“Felix? Felix, wake up,” you say gently. 

“Huh?” he asks confused. 

“Wake up, Lix, come on,” you say softly, daring to brush a loose strand from his face. “Come on, let's get you upstairs.”

Felix blinks at you drowsily and needs a moment to realize he's been dreaming—dreaming of kissing you. His face burns up red with embarrassment as your gentle eyes meet his, and he shoots out of his seat. “Yeah, sorry,” he stammers, and you watch him a little confused. 

“You're okay?” you ask, closing the door for him.

“Sure, why wouldn't I be?” he asks, laughing nervously. Don't look at the lips. Don't. 

“Man, you're weird when you get woken up,” you shake your head and unlock the front door, letting him in. Felix stumbles taking off his shoes, making you laugh. “Is alcohol having such an effect on you?”

“Mhm, yeah,” he lies, spotting his lifeline. 

“Well, let's get you to bed then,” you say and gently pat his back, shoving him inside. 

“I'll make it on my own, thank you,” he quickly says and wishes you a good night. He throws himself face forward onto his bed and groans into his blanket. “Fuck, no, Lix, you can't.” He turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, brushing his fingers over his lips. Groaning softly, he fumbles for his phone; he needs some clarity now. 

“It's late, what the fuck, mate?”

“Jisungie, I fucked up,” Felix whines softly. 

“Oh, please don't tell me you're drunk,” Jisung sighs softly. “Do I have to pick you up somewhere?”

“No,” he quickly assures him. “I just…there's this certain someone I can't stop thinking about, and…Ji, it's wrong!”

“I don't like the sound of this,” he states calmly. “Go on.”

And Felix does, spilling all his hurt, feelings of emptiness, and worthlessness. Telling him how you mend his heart, fill his entire being with happiness, and make him feel loveable. He confesses how he can't stop thinking about you, worrying how messed up this could get. 

Jisung lets him ramble on and nods gently once he's done. “That's fucked up, mate.”

“I know,” he whispers. 

“No, I don't think you know how bad that bitch fucked you up,” Jisung says, and Felix is too stunned to speak for a second. “Fucks sake, Lix! Where's my pretty boy getting all the girls, huh? When did you get all shy and scared? Did she fuck up your self-esteem that badly?”

“Ji, you're missing the point here,” he insists. “Everyone would think I'm using her, she's eight years younger. They'll make her a victim and-.”

“Lix,” he cuts him off firmly. “I'm that victim you're describing here, you do know that, right? My hubby is ten years older, Hyune’s wife is six years younger, and no one gives a fuck,” he tells him. “The thing you really can't take is the fact that she's your daughter's best friend.”

“That surely doesn't help,” he groans. 

“Well, technically-.”

“She's my daughter, you can try and twist this how you want,” he shakes his head. “And she'll hate me if I act upon my feelings for Y/n.”

“All she wanted was for you to be happy. Why not with Y/nnie?” he asks gently. “Listen, buddy, you gotta figure out what you really want and then act accordingly. Stop sending her signals if you don't want this to evolve into something more.”

“I know,” he sighs softly. Fuck. 

-

“Can you get the eggs?” you ask him as you pour some sugar into a bowl, weighing its content as you do. 

“Sure,” Felix nods and his hand rests on your lower back for a brief moment, notifying you of him standing behind you to stop you from bumping into him. 

You swallow softly at the lingering touch, and it's already gone again before you can't think much of it. Felix got home from the studio about an hour ago, and you two decided to surprise your best friend with a cake for her birthday tomorrow. At least she had planned to come back again for it. After quickly buying the ingredients, you two got busy in the kitchen. He's unusually clumsy, your hands brushed against each other four times already since you've started and you already bumped heads, both wanting to grab something off the floor he dropped. The brief touches and his soft eyes combined with that shy smile are slowly driving you insane. 

Once you're all done you put it in the oven and set a timer, cleaning up the kitchen for now. You'll still need a few things for the icing later but you get rid of most of the mess for now. After loading the dishwasher, the 25 minutes are over, and Felix carefully takes it out. You leave it there to cool and throw yourself on the sofa. 

Felix joins you and turns on the TV, putting on the next episode of the series you've recently started watching together. After a while, your head slowly drops onto his shoulder and it takes him a moment to realize you fell asleep. He cautiously wraps his arm around you to make you more comfortable and lets you rest against his chest. He tries not to think too much of it and chews on his lower lip nervously as he tries to pay attention to the screen. 

As much as he tries to fight it, he's exhausted from their intense practice today, and his eyes grow heavier with every minute. It doesn't take long and he falls asleep as well, getting more comfortable and dragging you down with him in his sleep. 

You wake up in his arms, your head resting on his chest. Your eyes widen in shock, and you fight the urge to jump up and get as far away from him as possible. You barely dare to lift your head. Glancing down at him, your heart skips a beat at how soft and vulnerable he looks in his sleep. His chest is slowly rising and falling, his hair hangs into his face and he looks so soft it makes you want to squish his cheeks. You admire the beautiful freckles painting his face as the fading sun caresses his golden skin. Gosh, he's pretty. 

He moves in his sleep, tightening his grip around you and rolling you both onto your sides. Burying his face in your neck, he lets out a content sigh and pulls you in close. You bite your lip and curse yourself for wanting this so badly. You should really wake him up…but you couldn't. Not when he had a long day and finally got some rest. Not when he looked this content and peaceful. You couldn't. 

You timidly rest your chin on his fluffy hair and wait for a moment, but he doesn't seem to mind. Carefully, you fondle his back and rest your hand between his shoulder blades. He doesn't stir one bit, and you decide to try sleeping some more as well. 

-

You wake up again when he stretches in your arms, pulling back with a soft groan. Felix squints at you drowsily before he slowly picks up on your current situation. A blush creeps up his neck and colors his cheeks and ears. He pulls away and rolls onto his back with a soft sound, rubbing his face tiredly. “Sorry,” he mumbles. 

“For what?” you ask gently. 

“Uh…this,” he awkwardly gestures between the two of you. “I uh…I tend to get cuddly when I fall asleep. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or-.”

“You didn't,” you say firmly, and he slowly glances at you. 

“No?” he asks quietly. 

“Not at all,” you assure him, and he hums gently in response. “You seemed like you needed it, so I let you sleep a little longer.”

“Oh,” he nods dumbly and searches your eyes timidly. “Okay.”

“Yeah,” you nod and smile at him. “I think we can finish the cake by now.”

“Probably,” he laughs and sits up. 

The pair of you soon gets busy in the kitchen again and Felix turns on the mixer to finish the icing for the cake. It's a little too fast, and some of it lands on his sweater. “Fucks sake,” he curses softly before slowing it down. 

You laugh at him, and he turns to you, raising his eyebrows. “Oh, you got some on your face,” you giggle and step in front of him. You cup his face gently with one hand, rubbing your other thumb across the icing on his forehead. “Keep still, Lixie,” you say and don't quite notice his lips parting at the new nickname. You move further down, wiping the bits on his cheek off, and only then you meet his eyes. They're wide and filled with thousands of questions and insecurities. “You're okay?” you ask worriedly. 

Felix blinks at you before very slowly shaking his head. “I'm not okay,” he says, and you turn off the mixer, bathing the room in silence. 

“What's wrong?” you ask and want to pull your hand off his face, but his hand wraps around your wrist keeping you there. 

“I…,” he trails off, sinking deeper into your eyes, and you can see the sudden longing in them. It's pure and innocent, making you all dizzy the longer you look at him. “You're driving me nuts,” he confesses. 

“Breathe,” you tell him before experimentally brushing your thumb over his lips. He exhales shuddery, eyes fluttering close at your touch. “Can I kiss you?” you ask. 

“What?” he squeaks, eyes snapping back open. 

“You heard me,” you say and tilt your head at him. “Can I?” Felix gulps before nodding timidly. You close the distance between the two of you, and your lips brush against his. A soft, quiet sound escapes him and then you're cupping his face and kissing him. Felix melts into the kiss, body searching yours as he grips your waist and stumbles a little, shoving you against the kitchen counter. He pulls back only to catch his breath and presses his forehead against yours. “You're okay?” you ask again. This time, he nods. 

“Yeah,” he whispers with a soft smile. “I'm okay...”

PART TWO

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @kailee08 @mal-lunar-28 @lilmisssona @aaa-sia @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @michelle4eve @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969 @harshaaaaa

[sirenjose]

Kurt's Diary - Thoughts and Theories

(Including crack theory Naib didn't kill Murro)

1) Emily's (first aid kit?)

2) Wu Chang's umbrella is still here, and NE is making sure we know this. That means either Jose did leave but didn't bring the umbrella with him, or he didn't leave

If he did win, was he put into another game like Emma and Murro (Emma's letter did mention her being with others her 2nd time around)?

Orpheus did say he "treasured" the opportunity to include Jose in his experiments, which could mean he'd want to use him as long as he could?

* Michiko's mask is still here too.

3) The "guy" Murro would rather "freeze to death" than encounter can't be the Hullabaloo group (Murro the only survivor). Likely Naib, who's chasing Murro based on Naib's 1st letter (only other possible option is the manor owner)

4) HA! I WAS RIGHT! THERE WAS SOMETHING SECRET ABOUT THE FROG AND ITS GOLD BALL! (I'm sorry, I've been focused on that stupid thing since I first joined IDV and saw the diaries.) Question now is what it does... (secret exit?)

We know the gold ball was in Murro's room based on William's diary before he returned it to the statue. Maybe Murro knew its secret. But for what purpose? Did Murro hide something there, like how he used apple juice to write secret pages in his diary? Or something else?

5) Pretty sure the "explorer" isn't literally Kurt here. The one who "refused to trust his allies" and was "brutally slain by a wild beast" should be Murro, based on Murro's diary page Kurt finds, and Kurt may assume Bane killed Murro for now and thus Bane is the "beast"

Though considering the other letters, Naib is another option, but Kurt should have no reason to know that (if Naib did indeed kill Murro), so at least in this context Kurt says "wild best" to refer to Bane.

I've always had 2nd thoughts/doubts about the idea Naib wants to kill Murro. We know Naib works for Arthur Russel, who we know is a detective. Arthur is currently the one investigating both the Hullabaloo tragedy and Lakeside Village.

We know Arthur cares about his investigators as he pulls them out of the investigation when he believes a "crime syndicate" is involved with Lakeside. We haven't seen anything yet that implies Arthur also has his men do assassinations though...

Not saying that can't be the truth but I want more info before jumping to any conclusions, despite whatever the manor owner says, especially as we know even the manor owner isn't all-knowing (like with the people who only leave puddles behind, or Naib managing to disappear).

It's hard for me to say, but it is possible there were multiple sets of footprints belonging to more than 1 person, aka maybe Naib's was 1 of them (if not Bane's, if Bane only stays in his cabin in the forest).

Seem to be maybe 4 sets of footprints

1 set

2nd set

3rd set

4th set

But if Naib can disappear from the manor owner's sight, maybe he can also help other people to disappear too? If Arthur wanted to find the culprit of the Hullabaloo deaths and they discovered someone else from the circus had survived, they may have wanted to find him to help solve the mystery of the circus murders, which could be why Naib went after Murro as we saw in his 1st letter.

As an investigator, a new witness could be the key to solving the whole mystery (maybe that's just me as someone who reads/watches/plays too much detective stuff)

Naib obviously knows how to be stealthy/sneaky considering he has to do the same for himself to hide from the authorities, since Naib is a deserter, and desertion is a serious offense.

Murro's smart too considering the sort of invisible ink he uses.

So I think it's possible...

Maybe a good question to ask is “Why”? Why would Naib want to kill Murro? Mike is friendly with Murro, who Mike helped fake his death for, so he’s not the reason. And Naib isn’t just a brainless killer, since he deserted after refusing to kill his comrades, so he’d need a reason.

I guess you could say he might if he was paid to do so, but who’d ask to kill Murro? I doubt there are too many people that know too much about him enough to either hate him or have a reason to kill the person Bernard labeled as a “wild child�� for his circus.

Different note, but the hole is gone in Servais' diary, but the boars are now in that same area that 1 set of footprints led to. It's also where Naib leaves the dead boar, which has a section of it torn open.

Still no idea what might've been inside.

Too many questions...

6) Info about Kurt's 2nd letter

"tree cave" = Murro's room

William and Kurt were awake in the evening due to the "awful weather". Nothing about sounds of "wild beasts"

Kurt thought they should do more than sit in their rooms, which is why he had Will help gather Naib and Murro. This was when Kurt went to look for Murro, found Murro not in his room + door locked, then went outside, where he saw footsteps, a (freshly dug?) hole, and Bane. He didn't see a "corpse", any heads being "bit off", or it being dragged off

Last thing Kurt says is to ask Naib to look at his new "work" based on his "experiences". This may be, at least in part, related to the work "Kurt Frank's Travels" from Kurt's 4th letter that he writes to Blackett Publications to get published. But nothing, at least from this yet, about telling Naib about seeing "a wild beast dragging his corpse into the shrubs. It bit off his head". Doesn't mean he didn't tell Naib this, but based on how much of the previous stuff was true, it's at least doubtful this is the full truth

[noxturnalnymph]

Life Update

It feels to be like I've been pretty absent on here and that bums me out. I had to step back a little for my mental health because the negativity in this fandom does affect me. But stepping back also bums me out because this site can be SO fun when I'm interacting with my moots and making new moots and all of us are squealing about new pics of our boyfriend together.

That being said - the MAJOR reason I have been absent in the past 2 weeks is because of travel. And oh boy.... is this a whopper of a story. So, if you're interested in a tale of insanity, read below the cut.

[TL;DR] I'm back (not that I went anywhere)

sorry I couldn't resist TUWOMT reference, I actually went a lot of places and some of them were good and some were terrible but I really am back now. (Also, I posted this at 2am apparently but did not mean to do that then, so I am reposting now)

So first of all, I was in my hometown in upstate NY last week visiting my family because we are planning to move to the West Coast after our lease is up here so we wanted to visit again before we moved across the country. I live in Florida and we drove 2 days - with our cat in tow - (because my anxiety is so bad it makes it impossible for me to step on an airplane). While I was home I took the train with my bff to Manhattan for 3 days and we hung out there, didn't get to meet Pedro Pascal even once, and took the train back to my hometown. My husband and I drove the 2 days back home and got back Sunday night. It was exhausting and I was only home for like 38 hours and then Tuesday at 1pm I began my next trip. Started with an 18 hour bus ride from Orlando to Lafayette, Louisiana to get a train from Lafayette to Los Angeles, CA. I was planning on being there 12 days before getting the train back to Lafayette and then a bus back to Orlando.

So as I've said I have a terrible fear of flying and I am also the owner of a very bad back (and since my husband and I share a car) I didn’t want to do all that driving alone (dangerous/stressful and bad back) and couldn’t fly cuz of my mental illness. So this is by no means meant to be offensive, but I’m apparently too much of a babygirl to be a bus person. I did not know this. I thought I was tough. Nope. 2.5 hours in on the bus ride and I’ve been listening to this man 2 rows in front of me play instagram reels on his phone the whole time even though the driver said 5 times (FIVE TIMES) to wear headphones….. Well the driver gets sick of it, pulls over at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and tells the guy to leave. He won't so the cops are called. The cops show up and he finally gets off the bus after a 30 min delay. I’m like….. WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS??? I didn't know if this man was gonna get mad and start swinging on the bus driver or the cops..... it was scary.

The first station I was at in Orlando I almost threw up cuz I was so nervous. Before I got on the bus I went to pee and to wash my hands and there wasn’t any fucking soap in the bathroom. I thought that was bad. AND YET SOMEHOW.... every subsequent stop was somehow worse. Literally, I kept saying to myself “this can’t get any worse” ....and it kept getting worse. These are the sketchiest, dirtiest fucking places you can imagine. I was staring at this toothless old white dude behind the counter at one of their convenience stores and thought to myself “this has got to be a movie set cuz this can’t be real.” Kind of waiting for someone to jump out and say "PSYCH this is all a joke. I know the floors here look like they were mopped with literal dirt, and everyone looks angry or drugged out, but this is all fake. It's all a joke meant to make you lose your mind." But that didn't happen. I've just never experienced anything like it. I’ve never seen anything so disgusting in my life. The 2nd to last stop only had doors on 2 of the 7 bathroom stalls. One of the stations had a TV on that just played old reruns of a Jaime Fox show while every child in the building cried and coughed at alternating intervals. Yes, this was 3am, and they made three busses full of people cram into a station with not enough seats and wait around for an hour... This is not a joke. 

I felt so fucking unsafe the whole time but I had to get off the bus at the stops and walk around (cuz they made you) but also cuz I was VIOLENTLY motion sick the whole fucking ride on the bus. Like clutching a barf bag with a pounding head and miserable. Also on the bus almost everyone else had two seats to themselves and I had a seat partner the entire time, but it kept changing. First it was a girl and then a kid and they were cool but then it was cigarette smelling guy and then guy who literally wouldn’t stop accidentally touching me, including putting his elbow in my back multiple times (I have fucking herniated discs so this did NOT feel good). 

And when I tell you that my back hurt, i mean i couldn’t spread out or anything cuz someone was fucking next to me the whole time so my back was on fire. I was in so much pain I cried 3 separate times. So I couldn’t sleep cuz people kept talking and I was in pain and the ride was rough and guy kept touching me. And I just kept telling myself, ok countdown cuz you’re almost there you're almost there. And by now I told myself - this final stop - the bus/train station in Lafayette - is not going to be clean but it’s okay, because you’re going to be off the bus and it’s going to be okay.

WRONG....

When I tell you that they pulled up to a dark parking lot at 4:50am next to a building with gates drawn down over the doors and dropped me off - I was in fucking shock. “Is this building closed?”  i shouted at the bus driver. “yeah,” he says, getting back on the bus.  “Ummmm, where do i go?” I’m fucking starting to panic. “You can go sit on the platform till they open in a few hours.”  and he’s gone. 

I’m alone in the dark with my luggage at the fucking bus station in downtown Lafayette. 

Oh except I’m not alone because there are 3 men milling about, one of them keeps asking me my name, two of them ride bikes past me back and forth. I go to sit on the platform and this alarm goes off and this voice comes over the loudspeaker shouting  “THERE IS NO LOITERING ALLOWED HERE. PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.” and repeats non-stop.  One of the guys goes “why is it doing that? Is it gonna call the police?” HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?? I FUCKING WISH IT WOULD MY DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I tell him my name to be nice and he keeps telling me i should come sit with him and this other guy cuz it’s “safer” and I’m like….   IS IT THO?!?!?!?  and he keeps saying “youve never been here? Do you wanna go see downtown? It’s a short walk, i’ll help you roll your suitcase.”   BRO WE’RE NOT GOING COURTING IT’S FUCKING FIVE IN THE MORNING. This man wants to go on a fucking stroll with me and I am just envisioning what my Forensic Files episode is gonna be like and hoping the re-enactment actor they get to play me isn't too ugly.

I’m desperately trying to call a lyft to take me literally anywhere else, and no one is accepting my ride request. FINALLY someone accepts, and after 45 minutes of sitting in the dark, trembling out of fear and cold in only a tshirt with my bags hunched around me, I get my ride. The lyft driver takes me to a Hilton hotel by the airport. I walk in, and I’m mid panic attack and crying and tell the employees there at 6am my story and ask if I can pay for a room so I have somewhere safe to hang out. They refuse to make me pay and offer me the lobby (lots of outlets and large, plush couches) for as long as I need it and tell me to help myself to the hot breakfast and coffee. Fucking Angels.

Does it stop there? No it doesn’t. Cuz I still have to go back to the train station for my train to California, which leaves at 12:30pm. So I spend HOURS in the hotel lobby, chilling and eating and it’s nice and I feel safe. I schedule a lyft to pick me up at 11:15 so I can get back to the train station with an hour before I’m scheduled to depart.

BUT OH WAIT.

10:45am I get a text that my train has been canceled. CANCELED.... Apparently, there are storms affecting the route, so my train will not be running between New Orleans and San Antonio, TX (I’m 2 stops after NO). But they will provide me BUS ACCOMMODATIONS to get me to San Antonio so I can continue my journey there.

Wrong word, my dude. BUS??? I’m fucking triggered. I start bawling like an insane person. The girls who let me stay in the lobby at this point are probably like “oh shit we thought she was normal but she’s crazy.” I call my husband, I call my mom, I call a couple friends. I’m a fucking mess. I just want to go home at this point but I’m still a 12 hour drive away (with no car of course) and OH YEAH I haven’t fucking slept!

So first thing’s first - I ask the hotel for a room and they feel terrible for me (cuz i’m a crying sniveling mess) and give me a discount on a suite and let me check in right away. I call Amtrak and cancel my train, sobbing on the phone with them (and it’s a man so he’s very awkward about it) but they give me a FULL refund. I most likely won’t get refunded at all for the VRBO rental I got for Los Angeles though. I got to the room and booked a rental car for the next day from the airport that I was like right next to, and so the plan was to sleep there overnight and get a lyft to the airport and drive back towards home the next day. 

My husband offered to take off work and drive to meet me at an airport along the watly so I wouldn't have to drive the whole 12 hours with my terrible back.  I ended up getting a Malibu which was such a nice ride and it had a lumbar support in the seat and my back felt FUCKING GREAT. I met up with my husband at our planned location and we drove home. Between the time change, massive rain storms, and construction traffic, we didn't get home till 10:30 but I fucking made it home. (Because of course with all my bad luck I was terrified that I was going to die on the way home.)

BUT IM HOME SAFE IF NOT A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR (mentally and physically exhausted). I will make a post later today with my plans for my writing updates. I have a new WIP I want to share and I know some of you are waiting on my current series as well.

TY always for your love and support ✌️💖🫂

[eolewyn1010]

Amateur sewing - Red Riding Hood

So, uh... I've sewn a thing.

I'm reusing an old curtain here, it's polyester. It looks nice in theory, but I'm not even going to try and pretend it's anything else than 100% plastic. 140 cm x 140 cm square for the cloak, approximately an eternity of hemming.

Behold! Two different sets of lines that don't actually say anything because I can't do math and had to do the pleating, like, a dozen times.

First half of a box pleat in the making, 7 cm wide. I wanted a pretty drape for the back, and we're getting there.

Box pleat in the middle, additional knife pleat on either side. When I realized that the cloak was still too wide to fit into the shoulder capelet the way I wanted it, I cartridge-pleated the outer several centimeters up to the knife pleats.

Speaking of, shoulder capelet! I started out with two 40 cm x 40 cm squares outer fabric and the same size of lining. The lining is the rest of a duvet cover I began slaughtering for lining a while ago, cotton, because I may be cheap but I'm not suicidal. Don't want that much polyester directly on my skin. I sewed the squares together and hemmed them all around except for the corners where I still had to figure out how much I needed for my neck, and that got me to the yoke shape you can see above.

Could I have gotten away with a more practical closure than buttons? Yeah, definitely. Especially since this "fabric" frays like a bitch. I can actually do a darling buttonhole stitch, but you wouldn't be able to tell from this because I was working against the fabric. Then again, I had these buttons lying for around for far too long; they were presents from a friend and I never got a use for them. A fantasy-ish Red Riding Hood cape with zero historical basis seemed like the way to go, and I love them.

The finished capelet was kinda uselessly bunching around the neck, but I didn't much bother with that because there's still a hood waiting to go there. The way it fell over the arms when I didn't spread them was a bit more annoying, so I took in a tiny lil dart on each side, back and front.

I wanted a huge-ass hood for this. In the end, it would have probably been wiser to use the bigger squares for the shoulder capelet, but I have no regrets. Same story as with the capelet, just a lot less complicated; off with the corner and in with the lining.

That's how the whole mess looks on the inside of the capelet, the back of the hood cartridge-pleated down until it fit the neck opening. It's not pretty, but I really fastened every tuck twice and thrice. Then the cloak... oh boy, that nearly broke me. But I sewed it in around the back half of the neck opening so that it came out in the centers of my shoulders, and from there in a 90 degree-angle down the back. It ran out in that L shape you can see up there, not so much because I intended it but because I didn't have the best control over the cartridge-pleated outer part of the cloak.

And after I sent around the poll... I just went and did the opposite of its result ^^' I did end up putting the fancy golden trim around the capelet instead of the hood bc 1st, people I asked live said it'd look better there, and 2nd @kittycatalex made a pretty good point for sensory issues. And it looks so nice. Look at this big hood. I can play such a shady figure in this. The whole cloak is a bit top-heavy because the hood is bigger than the capelet, and the cloak doesn't have any lining, but that only means that the back can dramatically go whoooosh when I move. And when I don't move - behold that drape! So worth the bother!

[sunbloomdew]

my olba mc timeline!

introducing my darling buttercup, Haru Nakamura :D

finally i can post this! i'm very happy to talk about a character i have been working on since may haha. does that mean they are fully cooked? let's talk about something else :) insert why do they call you babygirl meme

you don't wanna know how long was the process of making this one drawing,,,, 1/10, would do it again no question, but god did that take time. here's the sketch for comparison :]

(hopefully) short and concise description of each step below + a couple of songs that i assign to each step, from their playlist because i can and i will

ʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ⁱ ʷʳᵒᵗᵉ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃʰ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵃˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵐʸ ʰᵃⁿᵈ ⁱⁿ ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵃᵍᵉ ᵇᵗʷ

now before i move to each step, i want to take a moment to talk about Haru's name. they are japanese american (their biological parents were both japanese people who moved to california) so i wanted them to have a japanese name.

first their birth name, Kaito. i picked this [快仁] way of writing it. 快 means "pleasant, comfortable, agreeable" and 仁 means "humanity, benevolence and kindness". i chose it as their birth name because of a few reasons:

first, some other ways of writing this name include a kanji that means "ocean, sea". it's an obvious connection to the setting of olba, as well as the character's deep connection with sunset bird, especially in their childhood.

the meanings assigned to the version i chose, describe haru at their core and during step 1 when they use this name. they are a comfortable presence whose greatest desire is to make meaningful, genuine connections with other people (fucking extravert). while they are pleasant they are a people-pleaser as well - part of their journey is to unlearn that.

it sounds very cute and they are the sweetest kid

now the name people actually know them for, the one they feel describes them the best - Haru. the kanji that i picked [春] means "spring, season of growth and renewal" and it's precisely what Haru's 'arc' is about. the meaning and value of their personal growth, understanding themselves and working with oneself instead of against.

a little tidbit about their name: there is a kanji with which it can be written that means "cherry blossom". those flowers are considered as a symbol of spring in japan, usually blooming between the end of march and beginning of may. another fun fact, haru's birthday is on the 2nd of april :]

Nakamura is a surname i chose instead of Last in the game. i thought it would be fun to headcanon that the family's surname is actually from Noelani's side (some Hawaiian last names are Japanese in origin, hence Nakamura). The kanji i picked to write it are [中村] - 中 meaning "in, inside, middle, center" and 村 meaning "village, hamlet". I think of it as a reference to sunset bird itself.

so once we put all of the ingredients together it already forms an image of a character. i've been reading a book by david day "the hobbits of tolkien" in which the author describes j.r.r. tolkien's process of creating the hobbits. it's very fascinating, the way in which he used his philologist knowleadge - digging up the word first and then tracing it's origins and the word family to slowly create the hobbits we know today. my process of creating haru was somewhat similar in methods, though definitely not the process (god no, i am nowhere near tolkien's level). i wanted to mention that because the words we use to describe the world, or in this case characters are important.

i like to think that haru's whole name means "spring in a village", with them being the embodiment of said season, connected to an undeniably summer town. a little bit like baxter, our resident autumn boy stumbled into a seaside tourist town. only in haru's case the lines are more blurry. i think of them as the manifestation of the spring/summer period, when the sun shines brightly and trees bloom but the wind is still chilly and strong.

in any case, let's move further! fairies know i could talk just about their name forever

Step 1: welcome to childhood folks! in step 1 Haru uses their birth name, Kaito, and he/him pronouns. Kaito is a lonely child who wants only one thing - to have a friend. he is too fat, too shy, too different from other kids his age, which leads to him being isolated from them. this plants the first seeds of his insecurities that will follow him into the future. being ignored and laughed at really impacts Kaito, who only wants to make friends with anybody. it makes this thought slowly grow at the back of his mind: "there is something fundamentally wrong with me." thankfully, he has the support of lizzie and their moms and the soothing sound of the waves and the warm sand at the beach, which make his social isolation feel less hurtful.

when it comes to his personality, Kaito is an open-hearted, open-minded kid who is quite shy. he is naive, terribly impatient and impulsive which can be a fatal combination. curiosity is another defining trait of his - not really with any things of an academic nature, but definitely about other people, so much he can be very nosy. despire that he is pretty good at reading social cues and figuring out people's feelings. if only he had enough foresight to actually confirm his thoughts with others - he is prone to assume things solely based off his judgement. he is empathetic and a good listener. his tendencies in people-pleasing are only starting to grow, but it will be a huge problem down the line.

a sidenote about his design: colours chosen for each step hold a meaning. the colour palette for step 1 is a triadic colour scheme with purple, teal and yellow. i chose those colours because they remind me of summer, and in step 1 kaito is at the beginning of his growth as a person. at this point in their life, they are connected with summer as a season the most, because they have yet to begin the process of figuring themselves out and understanding themselves.

Cove moving in is a turning point for Kaito. he changes his life by befriending him. it doesn NOT alleviate the insecurities and doubt still nestled in Kaito's heart. rather he views Cove as someone special for befriending him. the setting for their relationship is Nervous Fond. Kaito likes Cove immediately (as they do with most people, they are very open) but is very nervous about this whole making friends process.

Alright this all probably sounds very angsty but this internal turmoil of Kaito's is (for now) very much in the background. think of it like a box covered with sheets, dusted over and hidden in the attic. step 1 is mostly cute kid shenanigans (and some crying).

Songs:

hawaiian roller coaster ride - mark keali'i ho'omalu, kamehameha schools children's chorus; lilo and stitch original soundtrack

the right amount of dumb - kan gao; finding paradise (original game soundtrack)

i have a hole in my tooth (and my dentist is shut) - dodie

take me anywhere - kan gao; to the moon (original game soundtrack)

second child, restless child - the oh hellos

(the right amount of dumb is like their theme in step 1 because they are a bit of a dumbass <33 silly little kid)

Step 2: ahhh early teenage years. i think 12yo and older is the time when you start to realize how profoundly fucked up reality is and react appropriately! which is exactly what Haru is going through, on top of being obsessed with becoming popular. sigh.

step 2 is very rough for Haru. for one, their insecurities from childhood only grow. they see their inabilty to create a large circle of friends as a reflection of their worth. their self-esteem is at all time low, which is why they do everything they can to cover it up. kids are cruel so they cannot show any weaknesses. in order to cover up their low self-confidence they become very arrogant,they arrive at this conclusion: if they are so unlikable (false) then they only need to pretend to be someone else entirely to make people like them (bruh. teenage brain is a mystery).

and so begins their fabrication of themselves, altering parts of their appearance, personality even giving up and picking up hobbies just to appeal to the 'popular kids'. deep inside they know that this is futile. you cannot make people like you, you cannot make them respect you if they don't no matter how hard you try. but they are so starved for social interactions, that it doesn't matter at the moment. if they get to hang out with the cool kids, if people wave to them in the corridors then what does it matter that the person they are greeting is fake?

those purposeful but forced changes consume them. they are constatly playing a role around people they know but don't trust - they can only relax with their family, Cove and Derek. but even then, they aren't fun to hang out with that much. seeing as they can reveal their true thoughts only then, it makes them constantly angry (at everything, but at themselves the most probably) which affects their relationships with their friends and family.

to them it feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. they can't bear their soul to the cool kids group, because that would mean admitting that they are not a person they pretended to be - this loud, out-going, larger than life, perfect person. and in their head they think they can't reveal anything to their loved ones either - it would mean admitting defeat in making friends.

so yeah, the struggle is there y'all. despite all the harm that comes from their behaviour and their environment, they learn a couple of things too. they realize they aren't a mind reader and perhaps asking people about their problems is better than assuming you know what is wrong, even if you are like 99% sure you know. doesn't mean they won't ask in the most blunt, tactless way possible tho. their shyness as if evaporates completely - you're not gonna make it far in middle school being shy. funnily enough, they are a massive people-pleaser. you'd think that this bold, boisterous teen star would be far from it, but every action Haru performs in their school circle is for the approval of others. if there are any mild upsides to their state is that they can fulfill their innate need of connecting with other people. it's not deep or meaningful in most cases but what can you do.

as you probably noticed, the main colour of this step is green. but why? green is such a nice colour, with so many positive meanings... sike! i mean yeah it is, but you know what else green symbolises? greed and envy. i used green for this step to highlight haru's desire of becoming popular not as a genuine dream, not even as a way to connect with others but because of the immense jealousy they felt. of other people who got to have friends that liked them for who they are. of elizabeth especially, who never seemed to struggle with making people like her. in this stage of their life, green is definitely a negative colour for them.

the comfort level in step 2 is Direct Fond for both Cove and Derek. no matter which route i'm deciding on romantically, haru does not have a crush on anyone in step 2, or at least doesn't allow themselves to have.

Songs:

freaks - surf curse

kawaki wo ameku [カワキヲアメク] - minami [美波]

carnivore - starset

stand out fit in - one ok rock

remember my name - mitski

(i especially like carnivore for this step because haru starts avoiding eating meat, cause they don't like the taste that much. the choice of this song is a bit of an inside joke for me, also the lyrics fit very well)

Step 3: we enter era of healing! i'd say in step 3 haru is at a solid 3/4 way to doing better internally. step 2 was their lowest, but now they are beginning to bloom. but growing older doesn't only bring knowleadge and growth, it also brings a new lot of issues to deal with.

Haru has been confronted about their behaviour. the impact it had on others and on themselves (there was a lot of crying and broken confessions, not a good time). as they reached their limit, they finally decided to speak their feelings and accept help from their loved ones.

now, it's hard to simply get rid of one's insecurities, especially those that seemed to be reinforced by the outside world for a long time. they use a strategy as old as time to deal with (not cover up anymore) their low self-esteem - fake it till you make it. some of their arrogance stays with them, as a blanket of security in a way, but they are determined to be confident in themselves.

their growth starts with a somewhat superficial thing but one that they always cared about: their clothes. they were always interested in clothing and fashion but only in step 3 they move a bit further with that interest and begin to make clothes on their own. it's an important passion to them, not only being very therapeutic but also allowing them to express their true self, both in terms of their personality as well as gender.

a major shift in their perception of their relationships with others was caused by realizing, that gaining popularity was not going to make them feel fulfilled. they had always desired deep, meaningful relationships, and while being recognized at school was nice, it wasn't really what they were looking for. this in turn make them rethink their whole "pretending to be someone you're not" business and with their loved ones assistance they figured out that... it simply wasn't worth it.

and because haru is the most impulsive person on this side of the globe, they did not ease themselves into this realization but again forced themselves to abandon their old ways in favor of being painfully true to themselves. and then everybody smacked their foreheads.

haru is a lot kinder to themselves now, courtesy of cove and others, but they still tend to ignore themselves in favor of somebody else. their shyness returned, and they no longer try to force themselves into acting more out there than they are. since the let down their walls, they speak their mind without thinking and are prone into agreeing to things immediately, often finding themselves in uncomfortable or annoying situations.

right now their most pressing struggle is dealing with becoming an adult. they feel as if they had just got peace and stability in their life and yet their friends are leaving or staying, getting jobs, time is slipping through their fingers like sand and everything is different. haru themselves feels very lost and overwhelmed by the future, so for now they latch onto people, their friends, sister and moms and try to spend as much time with them as possible, drowning the sound of their own fear in their laughter. on top of that there is a new guy in sunset bird, who seems to have a bit similar internal struggles to them, and haru feels like they could make a connection for life. i wonder how that will go :]

step 3 colours! they wear a lot of different colours because their style is mostly inspired by the 80s, plus they like to go crazy with the clothes they make. but colours that appear the most are definitely pink and yellow, plus a little bit of green. green appears in smaller amounts and in shades closer to yellow to express it's different nature than the green in step 2. this time it represents growth, freshness and hope.

now yellow is a very important colour that i consider haru's main colour. they are simply inseparable in my head. it was completely gone from their colour palette in step 2, and in step 1 it had more of a golden shade, one reminiscent of summer, but in step 3 it brings forth thoughts of spring more. it is purposeful, as Haru is finally growing into the person they want to be. yellow's positive meanings are among others optimism, happiness, creativity and enthusiasm. but it can also be associated with fear and cowardice and that is definitely something that fits haru in this step as well.

pink is prevalent in this specific outfit, but like i said, the clothes they wear in this step are pretty colourful. still, it holds meaning, seeing as it's also visible in their step 4 clothes. pink is invincibly linked with romance and romantic feelings - something haru allows themselves to open up to in step 3. like most things about them, if they have a crush on somebody their infatuation comes fast and strong, seemingly out of nowhere. but other than romance, pink is a colour of youth and playfulness.

after dealing with all that teen angst, they are very playful. combined with the dread of the future and genuine excitement they finally feel, they are a sweet, sociable person. the comfort level is Relaxed Fond, unless they have a crush on either Cove or Baxter, then it's Nervous Crush.

Songs:

permanence - bears in trees

wishing well - the oh hellos

infinite - lyn lapid

summer depression - girl in red

what if it doesn't end well - chloe moriondo

(i didn't put this song here despite it being the first one on haru's playlist, but teenage dream by katy perry is such a step 3 haru song)

Step 4: sweet woes of adulthood! Haru has grown and grown up but of course, life is a continuous string of things happening and us having to deal with them. some things stayed the same, for example their big ego. from aiming to cover up their low confidence, to actually gaining a healthy amount of it, like in most things they do, they went overboard. and while some of it is still a little bit of a defense mechanism, they are also completely insufferable and a beast of self-esteem. you win some you lose some.

they grew into the person they were always meant to be: free spirited, open, empathetic and creative. even so, they still retain their oh so recognizable traits. their curious, almost nosy demeanor, impatient nature and people-pleasing ways. they are still reckless though not quite as impatient, they learned to be a bit more chill.

haru learned to manage their intense nature. especially when it comes to meeting new people, they realize and respect the fact that not everybody will be eager to form a deeper bond, as much as it confuses them sometimes. they have always been ride or die type of person, but growing up has mellowed them out a bit.

the most growth happened with their way of managing their relationships as well as their perception of themselves. they are a lot more mature and as such manage to maintain their relationships. even if they still sometimes assume other people's thoughts or take up too much upon themselves, they see what they have accomplished and are very proud of themselves.

their struggles now involve the usual perils of adulthood, but mostly keeping up with their friends and making sure everything is alright. other than that though, they eagerly travel and go out of their way to meet even more new people - they do need someone to anchor them, or they will get carried away and eventually step on somebody's toes (or fail to return from another state on a scheduled date).

speaking of their adult relations, baxter leaving was a huge blow to them. like traumatic event rank S type of thing. when they meet again it's a storm lol

when it comes to Haru's other dreams and goals, i picture them with a business that makes custom clothes, like handmade ones. their side job would be helping out cove with surfing lessons and his business. they like to work with other people and are a fairly good leader, but they dislike doing the simple tasks because they are so boring.

last design notes! so there is yellow and pink, a bit of blue and white, at least in this outfit. yellow, pink and white are their characteristic colours, but green finds it's place here too sometimes (to drive home the spring theme more).

like i mentioned, haru's colour is yellow. it's the colour of sunshine, buttercups, the sand and some birds and fish, and most importantly it's the colour i associate with spring (along with green). haru is a character that represents the late spring, teeming with life and joy, intense in growth and weather, downpours or clear skies alike.

i don't think there is much more to say about the colours in this step, as in my opinion yellow is most significant. pink also connects with haru's acceptance of femininity and figuring out exactly how much they associate with it. and blue is the colour of the sky :)

in step 3 they are at Direct Fond or Crush. I like their energy in relationships with other people :]

Songs:

hey blondie - dominic fike; barbie the album

everybody loves me - onerepublic

never gonna not dance again - p!nk

sick of losing soulmates - dodie

rebel rebel - david bowie

dancing with myself - billy idol

(hey blondie is such a bop holy shit you guys- also very much a haru song <3)

wow i can't believe i actually wrote this. i am very particular about my characters so now that i have this sort of "introduction" for haru posted, i can post other things about them! don't ask me how that works, it has to be chronological

if you've read this thank you very, very much <3 and if you didn't, fair i feel you lol. feel free to ask about them if your heart desires :]

toodles~

[mobolanz]

AOT OC Show and Tell Days - Day 1: basic introductions

Name: Evelyn Marianne Auroré

Gender: Female

Age in setting: not thought out yet since I'm contemplating if to age up the characters for the storyline actually considering I'm finally laying it out (most likely yes) but I'm not sure on how many years. 🤧

Suggestions welcome 😵‍💫

Bold all of the following that apply to your OC!

Context: Canon Setting | Modern AU | Other AU

What niche does your OC serve for you?:

Self-insert | Completely original character | Self-shipping (in the projecting sense xD) | Roleplaying | Writing fics | Creating art | Only the scenarios and adventures that I imagine inside my head and share with no one! get fucked I ain't creating shit | Something else

A Bit More:

If your character is in the AOT canon setting, what's their allegiance?

Survey Corps | Military Police | Marleyan | Warriors | etc.

Do you ship your character with a canon character? If so, who?

She understands my Reiner love almost better than I do oml 🤧🤧🤧

Do you have any cute art or picrews of them together? Let's see one:

Not pictured is a light brushing with a surprising delicacy of her bangs to the side as he bends a bit to kiss her tenderly on the forehead no I totally didn't come up with this while typing wdym 🤭🤧(⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)✨✨✨

Obligatory fake screencap to give her a clearer image in my head for the scenarios since my choice to redesign her came during lasting artblock aofjakkfkakf

I'm planning to make another one for WIT's style based on something I'll mention later in the post!😆😆

For most part here's a rought draft . But also considering her design is for s4 I might create a special pre-timeskip look for that since it's set there.

Character Creation:

How long have you actively been developing your OC?:

As an Aot oc? March 2022. As an overall character? … took a good while since August 2019, jumped between… *counts fingers* 5 different fanbases, nothing came of any of these, all her ships were one dimensional unconvincing shallow and dull. Yet when I tried here, a wave of inspiration hit me like a comet D: 💫

Her hair was fucking blue aodjqidjakdjajkw

Is there any significance behind your OCs name?:

Glad you asked! :D I have this reaching and overextensive research for the meaning & how it ties to the whole character story&arc

Evelyn (driven from Eve,if I added the meta behind this it'd reach the tumblr word limit if there is any) : desired (ahhh ahaah…(⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠). Also has some fairytale motif not as deep but alfjakdka.) , life (self explanatory :"). )

Marianne: (driven from Maria, also actually what my own name & my 2nd favourite oc's name is driven from🤭)- star, grace. I mostly only added it after making her an aot oc, but a middle name would be a fancy addition right? :D😆😆

Auroré - driven from aurora meaning dawn(& familial ties with another oc of mine themed after Northern lights).

Plus.... fitting for her hair color.! :D

Combine her first and last name and it's sounding like: life's (graceful) dawn.

Which has a coincidental similarly to the last episode of s4 part 2 (the dawn of humanity)

If your OCs appearance is based on yours, do they have any different features?:

No not really, I just unironically want this look and think it's gorgeous. Blood-red hair and everything (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Is there anything you want to try doing with your OC that you haven't yet? (ex RPing, art, fics, etc):

I'm actually finally writing the full first meeting oneshot nowadays! As of now it was just brain-dump scenarios connecting (somehow that alone ended up being 2k wth) xD. I've also been more openly brainstorming about it so I'm opening up to questions!:D

Also on an art note, I actually kept on the side a DIY nendoroid figure I'm planning to turn into her 😆😆😆

For him <3

[repo-net]

Hi friend! As fun as Monaca was, it is good to see Nagisa is back! 💙 After “Monaca” ranked her friends, I’ve been wondering how you would rank the WOH in terms of your personal favorites? I’m assuming Nagisa is your favorite, but out of the others do you have a 2nd favorite, 3rd, 4th, 5th ect. or is it just Nagisa’s the best and the rest are kind of equal to you? (with the exception of perhaps Monaca?) Just curious but you don’t have to answer. Have a great day! 💕

Hello hello, thank you again for another ask! It was quite a fun week, I appreciated the small change in theme I took for a bit, but it's nice to finally have a refreshed and updated look again now that we're back to normal.

Ranking the Warriors of Hope, huh? I've been asked this question a few times before, but I'm not sure if I've done it here yet? I can't quite recall. I do have a personal ranking though that hasn't changed and likely won't ever change, but I'll skip number 1 since I think it's pretty obvious who's taking that spot.

5. Kotoko Utsugi

Kotoko's cute. I think she's entertaining and a lot of her lines hit the mark when she's actually allowed to have depth (something that DR tends to fail on), and she probably has my favorite design when it comes to the Warriors of Hope. Her personality is funny and I just wanna give her a hug because of the horrible messes she's been through.

But in the grand scheme of things and appreciating her overall character, I just can't overlook the clutter of mishandling of the themes in her writing. The game didn't treat it with nearly enough respect as they should've, from the weird as hell shots of her underwear, to the whole motivation machine... thing. I have an obvious issue with that entire segment, but I at least see why Kotoko would act in such a way. But the fact they turned it into a minigame...? With the instructions for it ending off by basically telling the player to not enjoy themselves too much? Leaves such a sour taste in my mouth.

For the same reason characters like Mikan are low on my tier lists (though I don't actually dislike or hate any character, the lowest grade I give is just a 'god, I really don't care at all'.), Kotoko gets the same grade. Fun character, horrible handling and presentation.

4. Jataro Kemuri

Y'know, there's a bit of a gap between Kotoko and this one. Not that big, but enough that I can decisively say every time someone asks me who my least favorite Warrior of Hope is, I would say the former. Anyways, moving on to Jataro. I think one reason he's over here is because he suffers from what I call "middle character syndrome", where he doesn't 'die' early enough like Masaru to leave a first impression, or someone late like Nagisa to really set you up for the climax. He's stuck in the unfortunate spot of having to follow up from who came first.

But that doesn't mean I don't like him. I think his trauma and backstory is one of the more unique ways of portraying mental abuse. While I think they could've done a better job of actually giving us time to digest his story and see more context in what really happened, I think his attitude (and his voice actor: god bless Michelle Ruff, she does an incredible job) and how he's so ruthless because he loves being hated is intriguing.

It's not enough to get him that high, but for what it's worth, I enjoyed Jataro while he was on screen and I wish we got to see more of him and Masaru, they badly needed more screentime. Speaking of which...

3. Masaru Daimon

Ah, here's the boy. If you thought my issue with Jataro's screentime was bad, man - Masaru's issues go way bigger than that. This poor fella gets a total of two scenes to shine in - the part where the Warriors of Hope introduce themselves, and his boss fight. If you wanna be generous and make it three, then we can count his supposed funeral, but as far as I'm concerned, the only one who got any sort of character build there was Nagisa and Monaca.

So why is Masaru so up high on my list despite the fact that he, y'know. Barely even existed? It's because he left his mark and set the tone well for the rest of his members to follow up on. Establishing himself as an arrogant, noisy brat that you just wanna pummel in his intro, with making a few lines here and there that make way for light-heartedness (wieners!). And then, he shows his weak heart. Beating his arm up (that scene was and still is hard to watch btw) and making subtle references easy enough for the viewer to make inferences from. Building what's coming.

That's what Masaru does. He lays the blueprints down for the rest of the kids, and that they all have reasons for turning the way they did. Being the first example is as important as closing off the story, and Masaru despite how little time he got was able to pass that test.

2. Monaca Towa

Yep, it's pretty obvious who my second favorite Warrior of Hope is if you've been paying attention to my blog, lol. Monaca is a horrible and terrifying child. She has done plenty of things wrong. I want nothing more than for her to receive her comeuppance and get what she deserves. And that's why pickle satan is my second favorite Warrior of Hope, my favorite villain/main antagonist in the series, and one of my favorite characters in general. And it all roots back to what I believe is most important in a character - presentation.

Believe me when I say this; a character that annoys the viewer will always be worse than a character that repulses them. You want them to think 'oh screw this guy, i hope they get owned and beat eventually', absolutely not 'oh screw this guy, get them off my screen, i don't wanna see this anymore'. You want to have the audience desire their demise, not be so irritated by them that they don't even wanna continue seeing the story anymore. Monaca plays her role of the despicable villain incredibly. She is so easy to hate in the ways that you wanna see her get destroyed.

I could go for a long, long while about Monaca and make a post of her own, honestly. Her dynamic with Nagisa is a one-sided tragedy (that I honestly think is more co-dependent than most people realize.) that ends with her pulling off one of the most horrid scenes in the series by mentally destroying the psyche of another character to the point he can't even muster the will to fight her anymore.

Her whole motive - it's initially believed that Monaca wants to be the next generation of Junko Enoshima herself, but the more you look into it, the more hints the story gives, until the buildup where the plan was for it to be Komaru all along... it's an excellent build and subversion that makes sense. Her writing works. Her character works. Everything clicks with Monaca. I just wish her arc ended more satisfyingly in DR3, even if the absurdity of it was pretty funny. Monaca's great. Love her and I'll always write about her.

Thanks again for sending the ask! I apologize this took a while, I've been busy these past few days in preparation of the upcoming school week. Hope to hear from you again, and have a great day!

[rjalker]

Okay. May as well.

American persimmon (Diospyros virginiana) identification guide

Tumblr version! Shared August 2nd, 2023. It will have as much of the guide as tumblr lets me add.

Oh darn, I reached the limit for photos :( Damn it, tumblr.

You can read and download the full guide here on the web archive.

Make sure you click through the available files to pick the one with the newest date!

You can also buy it as a physical book!

The prices for the physical book are set so that I get $20.

(Archived read-more link. Photos may or may not load.)

A note from the author:

I am transgender and nonbinary, which means in my case that I am neither a man nor a woman, and use it/its as my personal pronouns pronouns, which means if you are referring to me when telling others about this guide, you should refer to me as “it” rather than “he”, “she”, or “they”. EX:

“It wrote a guide on how to identify American persimmons,” or

“We can ask it if it thinks this is a persimmon or a pawpaw.” Ect!

If you're talking to me online or IRL, it's still fine to use the pronouns “you” while addressing me :)

Now lets get identifying!

Starting from the ground up, with the seeds.

American persimmon seeds are large, almost flat, and brown, with a slightly bumpy texture. Viable seeds should be a bit puffy in the middle, and the ones with the best chance of growing will be larger. The following photos show seeds that were collected on October 8th, 2022, in Savannah Georgia, from the three mature trees at Mohawk Lake.

Over four hundred seeds were collected, with plenty more fruit on the ground for wildlife, and even more still up on the branches of the tree waiting to ripen and fall. When collecting native fruit from the wild, always leave behind more than you take! The wildlife relies upon it, and will help the species to spread further.

[Image description start: A photo taken with flash, showing a white hand holding sixteen American persimmon seeds. The seeds are all light brown, shiny in the flash from the camera, and are mostly flat like a coin. The seeds are shaped generally like ovals, with small points on one end where the taproot will emerge. Image description end.]

[Image description start: Hundreds of persimmon seeds sitting together on a black wire basket with thin mesh, in different shades of brown. Some are tan, some are medium brown, some are dark brown. Image description end.]

Seeds can be collected from ripe fruit, or collected from the ground after the fruit has been eaten or rotted away.

If you find a persimmon tree in the wild, look around on the ground for the seeds. After you find a few, you'll be spotting them easily.

[Image description start: A photo of four persimmon seeds sitting on the ground, which is covered in dead twigs and dried leaves of various types. The persimmon seeds are all dark, warm brown, and shine slightly in the sun. Two are together in the bottom left of the photo, one in the center top is partly below an oak leaf, and one in the top right sits on top of a leaf. Image description end.]

Next up: Seedlings!

First, here's a germinated seed, though not the healthiest example! The whole root should be healthy white. I forget why this one got this way.

(Edit: Nope, I've since been told it's normal for their roots to turn black, so it's not an indicator of poor health :))

[Image description start: A photo of a germinated persimmon seed held in a white hand. The seed is dark brown and covered with dirt, with a white taproot emerging from the pointed end, curving up and then straight down. The taproot turns black halfway down and becomes shriveled. Image description end.]

Next, a seedling germinating in the soil. Persimmon seeds will all start out with a red or pink stem, which usually will form a curve above the soil, with the taproot on one end, and the seed still attached to the other.

If the seed above had been left in the soil, the white curve of the root would have moved upward and turned red, like this one:

[Image description start: A photo of a persimmon seedling growing in a plant pot with shredded wood for mulch. The seedling's stem is curving up above the surface of the soil, and is solid pale red, pushing the mulch out of its way. Image description end.]

Sometimes, the seedling will get its leaves stuck in the seed if it was buried to shallowly, or the soil has dried out. If this happens, the seed will lift above the soil with the trapped leaves.

If you're gentle, you can usually use your fingernails to help split the seed open and release the leaves. Find the edges where the leaves begin, and gently pull away.

You can also mist the seedling with water, or pile more soil up to once again cover the seed.

[Image description start. A photo of a persimmon seedling surrounded by shaved wood mulch, with the red stem above the soil, held by a white hand, with the seedling leaves stuck inside the original persimmon seed, which is dark brown and spotted with dirt. Image description end.]

When the seedling has properly emerged above the soil, it will start out with two light green or yellowish, very long seed leaves which will first start out looking like needles:

[Image description start: A photo of a persimmon seedling with woodshaving mulch, with a white hand behind it to provide more contrast. The seedling's stem is bright red, with the tip pointed to the side, where two yellow, needle-like leaves that are almost longer than the stem are positioned. Image description end.]

Very young seedlings will usually start out with the leaves sideways like above, since they've just emerged from the seed and are still getting their bearings.

After a few days, the little needly leaves will uncurl and begin to look like proper leaves. These seed leaves will still be very long and skinny compared to the leaves it will form as it grows.

These will also be the only leaves a persimmon will grow that will be directly opposite eachother on the stem. All new leaves will be alternating, which means if the first starts on the left, the next will be above it on the right, then the left, then right, and so on, forming a zig-zag up the stem.

Here's one seedling from the side and above, showing the opposite seed leaves, and the first alternating leaf that is just starting to form.

[Image description start: Two photos, side by side, of a persimmon seedling, first shown from the side, then from above, with a white hand behind it to add contrast with the dark soil. The seedling's stem is red, and it has two light green, long leaves, emerging directly across eachother on the stem. In the center, a much smaller leaf is starting to grow. Image description end.]

As the seedlings get older and grow more mature-style leaves, you'll begin to see differences between individuals, which might make identifying them a little confusing if you've only ever had one example to compare to.

With plants grown from seed, like most wild plants are, every individual will be subtly different, and unique in their own way. This is where most cultivars come from of fruit varieties, especially apples – a tree grows from seed with positive traits that make it popular, and that individual is cloned over and over again so that everyone can grow it for themselves.

This is also where cultivars of Japanese persimmons came from! The original tree grew from seed, people really loved it, so they cloned it and grafted it onto other trees, and now you can buy them for yourself and know you'll get the exact same fruit!

Here are two seedlings growing next to each other, whose seeds were collected from the same parent tree. You can see the specific differences, and the general similarities.

[Image description start: Two photos, side by side, of two persimmon seedlings growing next to eachother in a plastic shoebox. The first photo is from the side, showing that they have bright red stems, several inches tall, their original seed leaves, and above them, alternating rows of new leaves. The second photo shows them from above, showing the one on the left has rounder leaves that are tinged red, while the one on the left has skinnier, longer leaves that are solid green. Image description end.]

Some characteristics that will always be the same are: Leaves with smooth edges, without any serrations at all. Serrations are when the edge of a leaf is jagged, like the teeth on a saw, or a knife.

Another feature is that the central vein on the leaf will stand out compared to the rest of the leaf's surface, and in persimmons, might be red, pink, yellow, or sometimes white.

Sometimes the new leaves will be red in color, and that's perfectly normal, you don't need to be alarmed! It depends on the individual, some have it, some don't.

The next picture shows many seedlings older than the two shown above, grown in a larger plastic shoebox. You can see that some have red-tinged leaves, while others have plain green.

[Image description start: A photo of dozens of persimmon seedlings growing in a deep, clear plastic shoebox, each several inches tall and covered with leaves. Some of the leaves are red, some are green. All the visible stems are still red. Image description end.]

If you are growing persimmons from seed, the deeper the container you can start them in, the faster and healthier they'll grow! This plastic container was wide enough to sow forty seeds in, and deep enough that they could all form good starter roots before being transplanted elsewhere. Most of these I've planted in the woods or other suitable wild areas.

Seedlings will retain their red stem for a few months after they germinate, then it'll turn brown, then, as winter approaches, it'll turn into an actual woody stem. At this point in the tree's growth, you'll be able to see the way the stem literally forms a zig-zag, sometimes subtle, sometimes stark, with a leaf node at each point.

Now for...teenaged plants! No longer a baby seedling, but not yet so tall it's way above your head.

If branches are within your reach, look for a twig:

If it's winter, you will look for dark grey or black, teardrop shaped leaf buds at each point in the zig-zag of the stem:

[Image description start: A cropped, close up photo of a dormant persimmon stem held in front of a white hand. The twig is grey-brown, with dark, pointed buds at the corner of a bend, and at the tip. Image description end.]

If it's early spring, around March, you might find some where the buds are starting to open:

[Image description start: A cropped photo of a persimmon twig, with light grey bark, and light green, folded leaves starting to emerge from the dark buds at each node. Image description end.]

If it's later in Spring, usually late March, you should start to look for small, light green, rounded leaves like this:

[Image description start: A photo of a persimmon twig held up by a white hand, with sunlit trees in the background. Many small, light green leaves emerge from the grey twig on light green, new-growth stems, branching off as they grow. The leaves closer to the twig are deeper green, and those at the very end of the new growth are almost translucent, and slightly yellow. All have smooth edges, with light green central leaf veins. Image description end.]

Unlike seedlings, the new growth on persimmons over a year old will start out light green until it turns to wood later in the season.

As the season progresses, the leaves will take on more even shapes, always alternating on the left and right side of the stem, forming the zig-zag we talked about earlier.

Here's a new-growth stem from April:

[Image description start: A photo of a persimmon stem held up by a white hand ,with dried leaves and sticks covering the ground in the background. The leaves on the plant are all light green, with smooth edges, and shaped like a pointed oval. The leaf-stem on each leaf is pale pink, fading to yellow, then to white, on the central leaf vein. The new-growth twig is light green. Image description end.]

And here's one from June with red central leaf veins. Each individual is different, so you should be prepared to see different color variations, though they'll always keep the smooth edges, central leaf vein that is visible, alternating zig-zag pattern, and pointed buds at the base of each leaf.

This plant was growing in more shade than most of the other individuals shown in photos here, so its leaves are darker green.

Persimmons can thrive in full sun and part shade, and even grow in full shade, and their leaves will change to be lighter or darker depending on the levels of sunlight, and depending on the individual. Plants in full sun don't have to work as hard to photosynthesize, so they'll usually be lighter green, reflecting a lot more away. Those growing in shade, though, want to grab as much light as they can, so will tend to be darker so they can absorb more light.

[Image description start: A close up photo of a persimmon stem, held against a white hand. The stem is dark brown, with dark brown pointed buds at the base of each leaf, with slightly reddish tips. The leaves are dark green, with the leaf-stem dark pink, and the central leaf-vein fading from pink to yellow. Image description end.]

The trunk of the tree at this point will usually be a light brown or grey, with lighter raised lenticels, which are how the tree breathes. On persimmons, they look like little dots or dashes.

[Image description start: A cropped photo of the trunk of a young persimmon, with dried leaves and some brambles in the background. The trunk is very light, grey-brown, with lighter tan, small lenticel lines scattered over it. Image description end.]

As the trees get older, their bark will become craggier and craggier, until it forms the very distinctive “alligator skin” that mature persimmons have.

Here's a photo of a young adult tree, old enough to flower, but still small enough I can put both my hands around the trunk:

[Image description start: A cropped photo of a young-adult persimmon, with a white hand at the bottom partly wrapped around it. The bark is very light grey-tan, with deep fissures running up and down and across, forming square-ish raised sections, with orange in the fissures between them. Some serrated leaves of Virginia creeper is next to the hand. Image description end.]

This tree is, for future reference, a male.

Here's another tree of similar age, though this one is female. But

we'll get to those details later! Sex does not determine the type of bark, I just thought I'd mention it.

Remember that each individual is different, so even if you have a male tree with X kind of bark and a female with Y kind of bark, that doesn't mean that's a real pattern! It's just up to the genetic lottery.

[Image description start: A photo of a young-adult persimmon tree. Its bark is light grey, with deep vertical fissures that are red-orange in the center, most of them running up and down, and a few shallower ones running left to right, giving the bark a craggy, ropey appearance. Image description end.]

The older the tree gets, the craggier the bark will become! The raised sections will form more square-like shapes rather than stripes or ropes.

Here's one example, by kent_ozment on iNaturalist.org:

[Image description start: A cropped photo of an adult persimmon tree in the daytime, with the ground behind it covered in brown dried leaves. The bark is grey, with deep fissures running between and around large chunks of bark. Image description end.]

And now, we can talk about telling male trees from female!

Both trees produce flowers, which are great for pollinators, but only females produce fruit.

Male trees produce pollen, which is then carried by insects to the flowers of a female tree, pollinating the female's flowers and allowing it to form viable seeds that will grow into the next generation.

Lets start out with flower buds.

Like leaves, flower buds emerge at each node on the stem, or each point on the zig-zag.

The flower buds start out green, and can blend in with the leaves, especially if they're higher up in the tree.

Here's a zoomed in photo of female flower buds, high up on an adult tree, just starting out, on April 30th. Note that there's one bud per node.

[Image description start: A zoomed photo of a persimmon's stems, backlit by the sun. The leaves are still small and light green in their new spring growth, and at the base of each leaf is a small darker silowet, like a teardrop. Image description end.]

(Yes, I am spelling it silowet. I am officially staging a one-othran revolt against the overly complicated accepted spelling.)

And here's some male flower buds, and note that there are several buds per node.

Male trees form more flowers per part of tree than females do, because the male puts all its energy into producing as much pollen as possible, to attract insects that will carry that pollen to a female tree.

This photo is from April 17th.

[Image description start: A zoomed photo of persimmon stems overlapping against a bright sky, casting them into shadow. The leaves are still small, in their spring growth. At the base of each leaf are small, darker flower buds like pointed ovals, with anywhere from one to three at each node. Image description end.]

Later the buds will turn white and yellow, then start to open, and become more recognizable as flowers.

Here's a female flower bud that's closer to opening. The green cap behind it is called a calyx, and is what you see when the flower bud is still fully closed. This calyx, or cap, remains on the fruit even after it falls, and will dry and turn black.

[Image description start: A zoomed photo of a persimmon stem with larger, spring-green leaves, with the focus on a female flower bud, which has a square-like calyx behind it, and its white petals still shut, pointed outward like a small pyramid. Image description end.]

Here's some female flowers at eye level, with the photo by kcthetc1 on iNaturalist.org

[Image description start. A close up photo showing two female persimmon flowers, each at the base of a different leaf. The flowers have four yellow rounded petals, with large green leaf-like caps clasping the base. Image description end.]

That large calyx is also a way of telling female trees from males, since it's much larger on females.

And here's some male flowers, along with some still-closed flower buds:

[Image description start: A zoomed photo of several persimmon twigs, with light green leaves, each with several flowers or flower buds emerging from the same node. The open flowers are thin, shaped like vases, with four pointed petals at the opening. Less mature flower buds are yellow-white, and pointed. Further back can be seen more flower buds that are still green. Image description end.]

And some male flowers at eye level, with the photo by kcthetc1 on iNaturalist.org.

[Image description start: A close up photo of several male persimmon flowers, with two or more hanging from the base of each leaf. The flowers are shaped like skinny, upside-down vases, with white sides and short, curled yellow petals, with small green bases holding them onto the stem. Image description end.]

And a great photo showing just how many male flowers can crowd onto a small section of branch:

[ID: A photo of a male persimmon tree's branch at eye level, with several dozen open white flowers and closed green flower buds crowding the wooden stem below the leaves all the way up until the branch leaves the frame of the photo. Image description end.]

The flowers are very popular with native bees like bumblebees, carpenter bees, and more. All the flowering-age trees near me have their flowers at least 20ft off the ground, so I haven't been able to closely observe any of the visiting species.

Hopefully in a few years when my seedlings are old enough to flower, I'll be able to tell you more about the species that visit them :)

The male flowers will drop to the ground below the tree once they're too old, and you can find them if you look carefully, or if there's a convenient sidewalk:

[Image description start: A slightly blurry photo of a dark sidewalk, covered with many brown, shriveled male persimmon flowers, with their smaller, clasping calyxs still green. One single fresher flower sits near the center of the photo, the petals still white, not yet baked by the sun. Image description end.]

Beneath female trees, you'll be able to find unpollinated flowers, as well as aborted fruits. These ones were from July:

[Image description start: A photo of nine unripe persimmon fruits of various sizes sitting on a paved sidewalk next to a white hand for scale. The largest fruit is smaller than a golf ball, the smallest is about the size of a marble. Most of them are green, but two are brown, and one has turned almost black. Most of them still have their green calyxs attached on the top, still green on some, and brown and dry on others. Image description end.]

There's a lot of reasons a tree might drop some unripe fruits, like improper pollination, insect damage, and simply strong winds. Don't be concerned or disappointed if you find some dropped fruits under the tree, they'll usually be plenty more that will fully ripen!These fruits absolutely cannot be eaten at this stage of unripeness, so don't try unless you want to taste something absolutely disgusting. You can, however, dissect them with a knife, or just squishing under your shoe, to see if they've got seeds in them so you can see what they look like.

Here's another handful of early-dropped fruits from the same group of trees in August. See how they've gotten bigger overall?

[Image description start: A photo of a white hand holding nine unripe persimmons, with green plants visible on the ground in the background. The smallest fruit is the size of a gumball, the largest is about the size of a golf ball. Most of them are green, one is yellow-green, and a few are brownish. All but two still have their calyxs attached, now shriveled and black. Image description end.]

Any time you find unripe fruits on the ground, you can look up (or maybe slightly to the side, if you're on a hill or there have been strong storms recently) and see if you can spot more fruit on the tree.

Here's some fruits still attached to the tree, from the same tree and day as the photo above. Please also note the webworm moth nest, and the leaves that have been eaten! Webworm moths love persimmons, and can help you identify them!

[Image description start: A zoomed photo of a persimmon's top branches against a clear blue sky. Many of the twigs are missing leaves, with some of the leaves visibly missing sections from caterpillar bites. On the very top fork of branches is the grey web of webworm moths. Scattered on the branches in front and below the web are unripe fruits, which are dark green against the sky. The leaves that have not been eaten have black spots on them. Image description end.]

And you notice those black spots?

They're another great way to identify persimmons later in the year! You don't need to be worried or try to get rid of them, the trees do just fine on their own.

Persimmon leaves will start to change color for fall in late October, going from green to yellow while the fruit continues to ripen, and starts to fall properly.

If the persimmon tree is growing near evergreen species, or species that hang onto their leaves longer, it will stand out very nicely against the green.

Here's a photo of one of the persimmon trees with its leaves turning yellow, with several species of southern oaks on either side, which keep their leaves longer. In front of the persimmon is a large shining sumac, which are the red leaves you can see.

[This is the part where tumblr won't let me add any more photos. RIP]

Imagine a photo of a persimmon tree in a line of otherwise green trees, with its canopy mostly yellow. Below it is a sumac tree with green and red leaves.

And now please imagine a close up of some of those yellow leaves, with fruit, and another webworm web!

Imagine a zoomed photo of over a dozen persimmons in various stages of ripeness hanging from a persimmon tree, whose leaves are yellow or green, covered in red or black spots. A web with dead leaves inside sits in the center of the frame behind the fruits. The fruits range in color from yellow, to orange, to deep pink.

And finally...

Ripe fruits!

Imagine a photo of a white hand holding up two ripe persimmons. Both are orange and slightly transluscent, with their caps shriveled and black.

These will start to fall usually in October, but can cling to the tree for a while. If you're able to, laying a tarp below the tree to catch them will help keep them clean. If not, make sure to rinse them well before eating.

The skin is edible, but the seeds and cap are not.

The fruit should be very soft to the touch, almost like goo. If it's hard, don't eat it yet! It'll still be astringent. Let it sit in the sun until it ripens more.

If you are collecting lots of fruits, plan ahead if possible, and save your egg cartons! Put one persimmon in each spot that holds an egg, and it'll keep them from getting squished while you're moving them.

The ripe fruits will be eaten by many species of animals, including deer, raccoons, and even black bears if you have them in the area!

Unless the tree is on private property where wildlife can't get to it, always make sure to leave behind more than you take! Wildlife need the food too, and they'll help the species spread through their scat.

If you're growing the tree in your own yard, do whatever you want, lol.

You and your friends and family can also help persimmons spread by planting the seeds in suitable wild areas, or in containers to cold stratify over the winter, as you collect them from the fruit.

And if you don't want to grow the trees yourself, don't throw the seeds away! They're easy to clean after you eat the fruit. Simply allow them to dry once they're clean, and next time you go out hiking or walking near wild areas, shove some in your pockets and throw them as you go!

You can also see if anyone in your local community would like them, or even sell them online.

Persimmons can be eaten whole (spitting out the seeds), or made into jellies, jams, and a lot of other stuff.

Recipes!

I don't have any persimmon-specific recipes, but here's a good recipe for cheesecake that even I like, and tastes amazing with added fruit!

If I find more recipes that work well with persimmons, I'll add them here in later updates for this guide!

Easy Cheesecake:

Homemade Cheesecake Crust:

At least 1 1/2 cups of cinnamon gramcrackers, crushed as small as you can get them. We usually just do one pack of crackers rather han measure.

1/4 cup sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla (and yes, we use the cheapest vanilla extract we can get.)

1 stick of salted butter, melted

Step 1 of 1: Mix all prepared ingredients in a large bowl, then press into pie dish.

You can also just buy a premade crust, but they don't have as much flavor. With this recipe, the crust is half the delight.

Cheesecake filling:

Two eight-ounce packages of cream cheese, At Room Temperature.

Sit them out hours ahead of time if it's cold in your kitchen. They need to be warm if you want the cheesecake to be smooth. If they're still cold, it'll be lumpy, which isn't as good of a texture. You can technically melt them slowly in the microwave but that's a lot of effort.

2/3s cup of powdered/confectionier's sugar...or just regular sugar if you're lazy like we are.

2 large eggs, at room temperature

One teaspoon of vanilla

However much fruit you want to mix in. You can literally add as much or little as you want as long as it'll fit in the pie crust.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, or 176 Celsius

Step 1: Mix the room temperature cream cheese with the sugar until smooth.

Step 2: Add eggs and vanilla, and combine.

You can either add fruit now, mixing it in, or put a layer directly on the crust, with the cheesecake filling on top, or reversed!

Bake for 30 minutes, remove to wire rack and cool. Keep, covered, in refrigerator until ready to serve, and refrigerate or freeze leftovers.

[atarev]

Youthberk RevolForm: Full-Blast Set 13

HEY! HEY! HEY! BREAKING THE ROCK!!

The card that I've been waiting for for MONTHS has finally arrived and although his in-anime reveal was shaky, his support cards more than make up for it! Witness RevolForm Full-Blast!

[AUTO]:When this unit is placed on (VC) by the [RevolDress] ability, COST [Counter Blast (1)], and perform all of the following according to the card names of cards in your soul. If your soul has all of the following, all of your front row units get [Power]+15000 until end of turn. •"Youthberk "RevolForm: Zest"" - This unit gets [Critical]+1 until end of turn. •"Youthberk "RevolForm: Gust"" - This unit gets drive +1 until end of turn. •"Youthberk "RevolForm: Tempest"" - Choose one of your opponent's rear-guards, and put it on the bottom of their deck. AUTO:At the end of your turn, choose a card with the [RevolDress] ability from your soul, and ride it as [Rest].

On his own this card looks like it'd take AGES to activate fully, it doesnt copy tempests' best part, and the best part of the card is locked behind all 3 being in soul which on its own takes 3 whole turns!

This card is a perfect example of being made by its support cards, which let you Full-Blast on turn 3! Here's the list to show what I mean!

Code: NF4R on EN Decklog

Go ahead and jump right into testing with this list if you like! As usual we'll talk choices below, though there's only 1-2 this time around since this deck really just makes itself!

Firstly we're gonna talk about the cards that brought Fullblast back from the brink, Fergosa and Corino!

[AUTO]:When this unit is placed on (RC), if you have a vanguard with "Youth" in its card name, COST [Soul Blast (1)], search your deck or drop for up to one card with "RevolForm" in its card name, put it into soul, and if you searched the deck, shuffle the deck. If your soul has three or more cards with "RevolForm" in their different card names, COST [Soul Blast (1) card without "RevolForm" in its card name], and draw a card. AUTO:When your vanguard is placed by the [RevolDress] ability, this unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn.

This card is the first piece of your Turn 3 Full-Blast play! It can easily grab any revolform you need (like your 1 of Zest or your last Gust or Tempest if you get unlucky) and secure their power for FullBlast! On top of that, she lets you draw if you've already completed the FullBlast set-up! This card is really something else, and it's backed up by an equally crazy grade one!

[AUTO]:When this card is placed on (RC) from deck during your turn or discarded from hand during your turn, if you have a vanguard with "Youth" in its card name, search your deck or drop for up to one card with "RevolForm" in its card name, reveal it and put it into hand, and if you searched the deck, shuffle the deck. If you put a card into hand, choose a card from your hand, and put it into soul.

This card right here is what PROPELLED FullBlast into the top tables! It synergises with skyfall in an unprecedented way while also being workable as ride-deck discard fodder *and* a target off of Tolpaz and the G1 Youth's ride skill! What's better is you can tutor out a fullblast and just put an unrelated card into soul to secure your 1st or 2nd fullblast push! Corino is the kind of card Youthberk players have been dreaming of since day 1, and she's finally a reality!

Since those 2 make up a good portion of available deck space, now we can move onto the Choices section!

The most glaring exclusion that any youth player will notice is No Schneizal. In my experience, he eats CB, isnt a copy of either Fergosa or Corino, and as a result is only so useful in terms of fetching persona rides. That is admittedly Very useful so if you would like to run him for that go ahead! I just dont really see a need for more than 3 at most (cutting all tolpazes and a tempest or gust)

Speaking of! Tolpaz! He's a cute little carbuncle that provides shield, a way to activate corino, and a way to build board so that FullBlasts major effect lands with all the impact it deserves to!

Lastly the Blue OT. I feel as though any Youth player understands why we like this over any of the other ones. Keter decks us out alongside having an abyssmal floor, red just doesnt synergise as well since we're focusing on our vanguard a lot of the time, and the cray one just feels lacking the final oomph that is the crit and piece retrieval that blue offers us!

That's it for the article! Words cannot express how happy I am that Youthberk is finally back up here where he has been aiming for for so so long! I hope that if any of you decide to try this deck (likely via proxies or simulators because he DENTS your wallet lemme tell you) I hope you can have as much fun with this consistent Powerhouse of a deck as I have!

Until next time! Ciao!

[firespirited]

It'd been a while since I'd done a r-dblr purge (mark red and block if they are actively cruel to trans people within the first page of their blog. You'd think feminist issues would be the bulk of posting, it's r-dical feminism after all and all the issues are ongoing. BTW I don't block people for hating men, they have a right to vent and it takes time to understand the systems at play that do allow for decent men even if you're not ready to to partner with any cishet ones) I probably marked and blocked 150 today, many 18-24 years old, lots of them lonely.

Doing the scan of a blog to make sure I'm not marking someone who didn't get the dogwhistles in a bigoted post means you see a lot of the content they're angry about.

I too hate porn unless it's safe sane and enthusiastically consensual.

That means performers who know exactly what they are getting into, who have alternatives if they want a different job and can set boundaries without being pushed or blacklisted for it. The majority of porn doesn't fit but the advent of amateur, onlyfans and ethical studios gives people options to view porn where no-one is hurt.

I also believe that all viewers need to know that pron is sex stunts and some things will not work for them, cause chafing or stds, cause injury if perfomed for real. That should be part of the viewing, a little PSA 'don't try this at home we're actors, we rehearsed the hair pulling so no-one's scalp got torn and switched condoms and edited it out'. Honestly I find most of the porno tropes misogynistic, macho and racist even though we've mostly left gonzo behind.

Straight Male performers aren't allowed to be shown as into their partner... when behind the scenes they get quite tender, briefly besotted with their partner when it's not an ego driven star.

I also have hard boundaries about what kind of porn a partner would watch. I pay extra for no slavery in my chocolate and expect a partner diligent enough to get their porn from people not getting boundaries violated or work injuries.

But there's no nuance to rdfm anti porn stances. They're going off trafficking victims and Linda Lovelace's speeches when sex work like marriage is a whole spectrum from a heinous crime to chosen job. And we have the ability to hear from all of these women. What they really want from their industry, from activists, from society at large. The in person full contact sex workers I've known were doing it so they could be present during the day for their children or get a higher education without their study time consumed by a low wage job. Another was seeking validation and briefly being loved, her rl relationships kept imploding because it was never enough or she'd push them to see if they'd love her anyway. That wasn't exactly sane. But you can't force anyone into getting meds and therapy if they're not ready.

There were articles about how marriage hurts women who must leave their family and join the husbands and instead of talking about the part of the research that showed that women who got men to move in with them were able to negotiate better work and pay equality, it was just desist and kill all men.

Funnily enough it's my "not really feminist", "don't like the term" , mum who originally sent me the study with a quote from Moses in genesis explaining Gd's guidelines "Therefore a man must leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife". Funny how many abramic religious marriages ignore that you can't be momma's boy and a husband and definitely not move your wife in with your folks.

Anyway that's this month's observations, those who actually did have 2nd wave posts on top of hating on transness are very young and are often starting out with the non black non queer reading from 30 years ago after a superficial lib fem alignment with zero reading. Often in college or just out of college having been 'peaked' against what they perceive to be mainstream feminism after seeing crime and inequality statistics. If you're interested in reducing terfs, a good place to start is outreach and local online bookclub where you can get the word of intersectionality and sisterhood out before the gcs groom them.

There is an initial curiosity, there is still that spark but it is being answered with unnuanced conclusions with simple explanations and "solutions" that shut down futher investigation.

There were also a couple of detrans afabs who will probably choose to be gnc or non binary or retransition when they're more comfortable with how they can be men. This is a systematic problem with trans medicalism that wants to stick people into binary boxes and insist they perform masc men and femme women. That's not a patient based approach and it's part of the conservative restrictions on the way gender care is allowed to exist at the fringes of healthcare.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend, wishing you a Happy New Year 🎉🎆🍾!! Hope things are going well so far and you're not too drenched in ice or snow or cold (my brother is in NM and he's freezing his ass off apparently). For reasons that definitely include the upcoming season's proximity, I'm going to try to get more into 911 LS this year. I've decided that while we've got excellent taste in ships, we've done poorly in focusing on shows where those ships can thrive, meaning they have a showrunner who can

tell a compelling story, writers who can bring that story to life, and a promo team that can get the audience excited. Let's take just promo for example. LS just came out with its 2nd or 3rd trailer and it's still 3 week's away!! Even if they are also doing smaller emergencies, the frog storm looked a hell of a lot of more exciting than the blimp "emergency". And from what I've seen of the stills, it will feature a lot of Tarlos, and I haven't seen much in the way of guest stars. Contrast that with RNM. We all remember the seasonal promo posters that looked like an elementary school project and the 5 sec episode previews they abandoned during S4 (this isn't even considering the episode synopsis where if a particular character was mentioned my excitement level flatlined). Then there's the Malex if it all, remember we got so excited when a still of them was promoted on Twitter for 4x02 since it had literally never been done before?? Sad days. And as for OG lately we've gotten confusing/inaccurate episode synopsis, previews of scenes that were made to look intense and turned out to be "meh", stills released right before the episode and then 50 scenes released the day it premieres. Its a mess. And I guess I can't complain that those things didn't feature Buddie since there wasn't anything in the season for them to feature.  I don't think we have to rehash the baffling and horrible writing choices of both RNM and OG's showrunners those are well documented. So that leaves the individual writing of each show, where RNM abandoned logic and 911 abandoned emotion in order to force scenes that did no one any favors. Anyway this got longer than intended and ultimately saltier, I was trying to say Happy New Year and it turned into this. So again happy New year!! Maybe with time and GA input KR will come up with a plotline that doesn't make me hear nails on a chalkboard when it's mentioned.

Hi my friend and Happy New Year to you as well, even though this is now a few days late. (I wanted to finish the book I started yesterday, a sequel to a romcom I very much enjoyed and one of the only actual books I’ve managed to read recently, but it ended up being kind of awful and torpedoed my whole day and sucked the serotonin right out of me instead of giving me MORE like it was supposed to 😒😒😒 hate this for me. So I put this off a little longer so I didn’t end up being TOO salty or going off on a fully unrelated tangent). Luckily I’m back home where it’s chilly (for me) but nothing too wet or miserable and I got to enjoy some sweatpants for a few days before I have to go back to my cold office and uncomfortable work clothes.

You’re so right, we DO have excellent taste in ships but whooo boy WHAT is the deal with being shafted by shows? (And now books too apparently because my life is a joke, hell bent on not allowing me to thrive with the things I find joy in.) I have been soooo jealous of not just the promo coming out so early, but also official stills coming from set during filming! OG couldn’t even get stills for for some episodes until a few hours before airing! To say nothing of the incorrect synopsis/previews, and 700 clips released on episode day messes. Plus LS got new cast photos this year while OG has still been using stuff from s1-2!  I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been paying much if any attention to news about LS so all I know is the Tarlos stuff sounds really exciting and the only guest stars I remember is for some FBI/DEA something or other operation that (of course) Owen is for some reason involved in helping with. Color me unsurprised. But knowing that’s how LS has been pretty much from the jump, it’s easier to just grit my teeth through the Owen centricity and sometimes it’s at least entertaining 🤷🏻‍♀️ The frog thing sounds interesting but definitely feels like a “hook” that’s going to end up being almost nothing and quickly resolved but if we’re lucky we’ll at least get some jokes out of it about TK taking one home and Carlos getting a panicked look about it. Also, the LS emergencies have never had quite the resonance or the tie in with the main plots that OG had so them cutting back after the ice storm (which really was excessive at 4 episodes and by cutting down on the weird Owen centricity could have been done in 2 *maybe* 2.5 or 3 episodes tops, revolving around the group as a whole more) isn’t probably going to change the format of regular episodes much from previous seasons. But with the wedding coming up, the possibility of Carlos getting injured, and Ronan being a tease and really excited for multiple episodes, I feel like the Tarlos stuff is going to be really good!

I’m cackling because taking shots at the RNM promo department will never NOT be funny. I mean, honestly WTF was their deal with promo posters?! *insert “is this a promo poster for ANTS” gif here* At least they were somewhat more honest by always seaming to make Alex the smallest and furthest away and never near Michael which is....mostly what we got after s1 so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. Not that OG 911 is much better since there’s a fan that does massively impressive posters for episodes that completely outshine anything the official team does.

ANYWAY, I’m with you down in the salt mine and surrounded by wasted potential so lets hope this year we can finally get some more fulfilling stories/storylines, and that our beloved OG wee-woos can get back on track. The only good thing about them having a longer hiatus is they have the chance to take the reaction to the finale, especially Buck’s mess of a storyline, and 6a as a whole into consideration and maybe make some changes. Honestly if they completely dropped Buck’s storyline and it never came up ever again I wouldn’t even care and would actually prefer that at this point. Remember when he got meaty storylines that involved the other main characters and was the focus for a few episodes and then arcs finished and new ones started and we got several things going on for multiple characters at once? *cracked voice* yeah.... Well, here’s to hoping! 🍾🥂 *clink*

[jazlynriddle]

Welcome to your life - Pt 2:

Acting On Your Best Behaviour Ch 7:

Summary:

They'd seen it in their fellow orphans often enough to recognise the pattern and were now forced to admit, despite their hopes to the contrary, that Isidora had likely suffered similar side effects.

No… they'd always known she had. The Keeper had just wanted the power that Ranrok had, enough to convince themselves that they would be able to handle it better than that naive woman.

With the start of the Keeper’s sixth-year in Hogwarts, comes a whole slew of headache-inducing challenges from the most unexpected of places. Between insignificant pests throwing wrenches into their plans and tedious teenage drama, that the Keeper is entirely unprepared for, they wonder if they'll make it to their NEWTs without losing their sanity.

Or worse, Ominis or Sebastian.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Drug Addiction! Spoilers! Slow-burn corruption! Dark content! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least).

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Warnings: Drama!

Somehow this chapter ended up being very long, I deliberated for a very long time as to whether I wanted to crop it down to 2000+ words or put it up as a chapter with 5000+ words.

I ended up deciding to put them into one chapter even though there’s a decent time gap between the 2nd and 3rd sections and it feels like a good point to split it into another chapter. Welp, I suppose too long beats too short, right? xD

And with a long chapter, comes an equally long set of notes at the end ha ha ha, I'm sorry-

"That's terrible… are you sure they're alright?" Poppy asked anxiously and Natty rushed to console her as they walked together towards their first class.

"Yes, they didn't look too worse for wear when we parted ways yesterday." Natty placed a hand on Poppy's shoulder supportively.

"I wonder why they didn't tell us…" Poppy sighed, shaking her head dejectedly.

Natty could understand why Poppy would be upset that her crush hadn't been honest with her. "They apologised for involving me when I found out, I'm sure they just didn't want to endanger you."

Poppy's face flushed slightly but she quickly shook her head. "That's the last thing they should be worried about, we've been through so much together… we have to help them."

Natty nodded thoughtfully. "Agreed, I'm thinking of recruiting some of their friends to help us too, like Amit, I know he’s been going out with them in the evenings to search for Astronomy tables."

Poppy hummed. "What about Ominis and Sebastian?"

Natty blinked. "Gaunt? I mean, I know our friend is quite close to Sallow but…"

"Well, they seem to be spending more time with Ominis too near the end of last term, I've noticed them helping him in class sometimes." Poppy shrugged.

"I thought they were just being nice since he's…" Natty trailed off awkwardly.

"Well, you haven't been here very long, so you probably don't know, but Ominis doesn't seem to really need much help despite not being able to see." Poppy explained.

"That's even worse, isn't it?" Natty shook her head. "I'm not sure it's a good idea, I think he's interested in Dark Magic."

"Where'd you hear that?" Poppy smiled wryly. "Besides, I don't think our friend is a stranger to dark arts, they are in Slytherin after all."

"I gathered as much, but I hope they don't dabble too much in such things." Natty grimaced but nodded concedingly. "I suppose it's worth seeing if they want to help, since he and Sallow are in the same house as our friend."

Natty paused. That’s right, Sallow and Gaunt were from Slytherin too.

Surely, there was no way the two boys hadn’t noticed the Keeper being stalked and attacked by their own housemates. If they knew about it, why had they done nothing to stop it? How could they stand by and do nothing as their friend was being hurt?

Her Gryffindor housemates had warned Natty about the dangers of being friends with Slytherins when she’d taken up a friendship with the Keeper, how most of the Slytherin students were cold, selfish, proud, and callous. She’d brushed off their warnings, even after Imelda Reyes had laughed when Natty fell off her broom the first time she’d tried flying.

After all, the Keeper was a great friend and one of the bravest people she’d ever known.

Yet what reason could there be for both the Keeper’s Slytherin friends to not go to their aid in their time of need? Why would both Sallow and Gaunt not tell their head of house about what was going on?

Her mother had warned her about the bigotry of the Noble families of Britian. With the Gaunts, Blacks and Malfoys being the most crucial names to avoid as much as possible. Powerful and dangerous, those ancient houses were known to meddle with dark magic.

Natty had previously felt that the Keeper’s other friends were none of her business unless they were hanging out together, but perhaps she should rescind that mentality for this battle. She needed to know who she could trust to be on the Keeper’s side. If those boys couldn’t be trusted with her friend’s safety, that was now something she needed to be sure of.

"I was thinking we could drop by the dorm to check on them after a quick bite." Sebastian suggested, as he and Ominis made their way to the great hall for lunch.

"Yes, that's a fine idea. I'm just glad they were amenable to the idea of taking today off." Ominis agreed, a soft smile on his face.

"Feels like they're really relying on us more." Sebastian grinned proudly.

"Indeed, we have to find a way to help them…" Ominis nodded resolutely. "This can't go on for much longer."

"Yeah." Sebastian sighed, as wonderful as it was to have more of the Keeper's trust than they'd ever had, the circumstances surrounding their newfound softness were not remotely ideal.

Sebastian hummed thoughtfully before suggesting. "Maybe we can try to disable those idiots long enough for them to get to the Undercroft."

"I feel like we would need too much coordination for something like that…" Ominis shook his head. "We'd need to make sure neither of them are found, nor can we afford to give them any evidence that we attacked them."

"Blast those buffoons, how do two simpletons with the IQ of a Troll manage to be such a pain in the arse?" Sebastian muttered in frustration, running a hand through his hair roughly.

He felt Ominis' steps slow beside him and Sebastian paused as his partner spoke. "Oh, hello. Onai, right? Can we help you?"

Natty shivered uncomfortably when Ominis stopped to address her without even turning to face her. She knew that looking at her would be entirely unnecessary and impossible for him, but it was still an unsettling experience. How did he recognise her?

"I was wondering if the two of you might be interested in working together with Poppy, Amit and I to help our mutual friend." Natty asked as calmly and evenly as she could, deciding to just take a direct approach instead of dancing around the subject.

To her surprise, the two boys seemed to regard her warily. Which made her even more suspicious of them, why would they react that way unless they had something to hide?

"Help? What with?" Ominis asked airily.

"I'm sure as housemates, the two of you must be aware that they haven't been very well lately." Natty replied, frowning.

"Of course, we have." Sebastian raised an eyebrow and folded his arms while Ominis leaned against the wall behind him, rolling his wand in his hands.

"And neither of you tried to figure out what was going on?" Natty's lips tightened, voicing the thought that had been bothering her ever since her chat with Poppy. "I thought you two were friends with them."

Sebastian immediately stiffened with indignation at the accusatory tone in her voice, but before he could speak, Ominis laughed coldly. "As opposed to what Onai? You who did the same and are now taking out your frustration at your own shortcomings on others?"

"I was being courteous towards them and respecting their silence, but I cannot see how either of you could have missed the fact that they were being bullied by upperclassmen from your house." Natty straightened defensively.

"Did you not consider that we already knew about what was going on?" Ominis tipped his head with a tight smile.

Natty bristled, glaring at the Slytherin, his unfocused gaze felt cold and uncaring. What kind of friend was he!?

"And neither of you did anything!?" Natty exclaimed, even more furious, was he stupid? Pointing that out wasn’t making himself or Sallow look any better. Weren't they friends with the Keeper? Did they not care? She'd never felt so appalled and frustrated, she was starting to see what her housemates had been warning her about.

"Like what? Get mad at anyone who isn't visibly doing something about it?" Sebastian scoffed.

"Like tell a professor about it before it got this bad." Natty shot back, before my mother got caught up in this too, her temper rising by the moment. To think, she'd thought Imelda Reyes bad, but these boys were breaking all her high scores.

"If you want to believe that you're the only one who doesn't have the option of tattling to an authority figure, so be it." Ominis huffed. "Frankly, I couldn't care less. We neither have the time nor interest in helping you assuage your own feelings of powerlessness."

Ominis pushed himself off the wall, straightening and smoothening out his robes. "Now, if that's all you wanted, I believe we are done here."

Natty stared at him for a moment, stunned by his blunt words and scathing tone. She glanced at Sebastian, taking in his equally hostile expression. Honestly, she'd thought better of Sallow, he was cocky and aloof, but he'd also had a reputation for being a brave mischief maker as well. Guess he was in Slytherin too for a reason.

"Fine, I knew I couldn't trust a Gaunt." Natty spat before turning to storm off towards the great hall.

Sebastian bristled as she quickly faded from sight. "The nerve of that-"

He cut himself off, clenching his teeth to reign in his anger, his partner came first. After taking a steadying breath, Sebastian turned back to Ominis, brushing the back of his knuckles against his pale cheek. "Hey, you alright?"

"Of course, I am. If I had a knut every time someone judged me for my lineage, I'd be able to afford a new set of robes every day." Ominis huffed sardonically.

"You know we don't though, right?" Sebastian asked softly, taking a step closer. "I've never cared about that and neither have they."

Ominis' ears turned red as he felt Sebastian's lips against his cheek. "Yes, I do know."

"Good." Sebastian grinned, enjoying the rare sight of the blind boy flustered.

Hearing the smile in Sebastian's voice, Ominis rolled his eyes. "Alright, let's go, if we don't hurry, we won't have time to visit the dorm."

"Yeah, we need to come up with a solution for them." Sebastian agreed, sobering quickly and Ominis' brow creased, his thoughts returning to their resting partner as the two began making their way to the great hall as well.

"You're supposed to be resting." Ominis sighed as he and Sebastian entered the common room.

"I am resting." The Keeper chuckled, lifting their eyes from the tome in their lap, shifting slightly so that Sebastian could sit down on the couch beside them while Ominis sat on the opposite side.

"And here I thought we'd get to play out the idyllic troupe of feeding you in bed." Sebastian sighed dramatically as he placed a small package of food on the table.

"Why either of you consider reading as resting is beyond me." Ominis shook his head.

“It’s really not as hard as it sounds.” Sebastian chuckled as Ominis raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“Really. I believe our classmates beg to differ.” Ominis rolled his eyes, before his eyes narrowed with concern. "How are you feeling?"

"Perfectly well, not a bruise in sight." The Keeper replied, trying to inject some liveliness into their voice.

From both their expressions, it didn't seem to have worked very well. The Keeper sighed. "I am improved but besides my injuries, my condition remains unchanged."

"I see… try not to worry too much and focus on conserving your strength. Sebastian and I will think of a solution." Ominis smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you, both of you." The Keeper smiled, their chest filled with warmth, before they flashed a smirk. "But don't expect me to sit back and let the two of you deal with them alone. I'm not out of the game yet."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sebastian grinned, while Ominis shook his head helplessly with a resigned smile. "Speaking of plans, Natsai Onai approached us just a while ago."

The Keeper blinked. "She did? Whatever for?"

"Apparently she wanted to know why we weren't helping you with the bullies since we're housemates." Ominis rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. "Practically accused us of being friends of poor taste."

"And it sounds like Onai told Amit and Poppy what you told her as well." Sebastian grimaced.

"Right blabbermouth that one, rude too." Ominis muttered irritably. "Does she not know the meaning of respecting others' privacy?"

The Keeper winced, well, they should probably have seen that coming. Natty was a very direct, brash, and open person, with strong opinions and a stronger sense of justice. Completely in conflict with the more careful and calculative way that Slytherins approached problems.

She must have misunderstood Sebastian and Ominis' cautious behaviour, as well as the Slytherin tendency to hide their emotions until trust has been earned, mistaking it as a lack of compassion.

"Don't pay her any mind, Natty's just really passionate and devoted to any cause she takes up. I suppose this has become one of her causes." The Keeper sighed. "I'll talk to her. At the very least, I know Amit and Poppy can keep secrets."

Sebastian and Ominis didn't look very assuaged but nodded in acceptance. The Keeper rubbed a hand over their forehead tiredly.

Exactly what they needed, more complications.

"Hey, Natty, are you alright?" Poppy asked, looking concerned as she snapped Natty out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Ah, yes, I am, you needn't worry Poppy." Natty gave her a strained smile. From Poppy's expression, it hadn't been very convincing, she sighed.

Natty was trying hard not to show it, but she couldn't forget what Gaunt had said. Was she doing the same thing? Choosing to let her friend remain at the mercy of those bullies rather than endanger herself and her loved ones.

Was her anger at Gaunt and Sallow just a misdirect of her own frustration at essentially being disarmed and out of the fight because those bullies had found out her secret? Was she more angry at them for their inaction because that inaction made them bad friends or because she wouldn’t be in this situation if they had resolved it before it reached her?

Was she just feeling guilty that she wasn't as fearless and brave as she'd always believed? That she couldn't be as courageous as her father anymore? She knew that he was a man who would fight for people who couldn't protect themselves, but would he have risked his own family for it?

More than ever, Natty wished he were still alive, that she could ask him these questions. She even wished she could ask her mother for advice, but she knew that her mother might decide to move to another country rather than face this danger. To her mother, family was a righteous cause.

What was the right thing to do? Stay to fight, risk her loved ones, or flee? The only option that didn't feel like running away was the one that risked her and her mother's freedom. Every choice came with guilt, how was she to choose?

This spiral of thoughts had cost Natty a restful night and she'd woken up feeling no surer than before. She sighed, with answers eluding her, all she could do was focus on doing her best to help her friend.

Natty took a deep breath to brace herself as she and Poppy stepped into the Three Broomsticks. The familiar hum of groups of students and Hogsmeade residents chatting casually, over a delicious mug of butterbeer and snacks, filled the pub.

She glanced around, before spotting the Keeper sitting in the corner where the portrait of Ferdinand once hung. She wasn't sure what exactly happened to the snooty prick but if the rumours were to be believed, it was the Keeper who was to thank for the students' reprieve.

"How are you feeling?" Poppy immediately asked, her expression deeply concerned. The Keeper was looking more exhausted than even Natty had expected.

"Don't look so worried, Poppy. I'm not going to keel over anytime soon." The Keeper chuckled wryly.

"She wouldn't be worried if you didn't look like you were actually about to keel over." Natty shook her head. "What have those bullies been doing?"

"Let's just say they've been making it hard for me to sleep." The Keeper replied evasively, and Natty felt a spike of concern.

What could the bullies be doing that could keep their friend up at night, to the extent that they would look this drained? The fact that it was something the Keeper didn't want to share was extremely concerning, but Natty felt like it would be worse of her to try and force the Keeper to talk about something so clearly distressing.

A glance at Poppy confirmed that she felt the same and they silently agreed to refrain from pressing the Keeper on the subject. She and Poppy instead took a seat, while Sirona sat down a towel she was holding and strolled over.

"Hello there, what can I get you?" Sirona smiled warmly as she stopped by the table.

"Four butterbeers, please." Natty replied with an answering smile, and Sirona flicked her wand to send four mugs to the barrel to begin filling.

"Are you alright there, my friend?" Sirona asked, her brows furrowed in concern as she gazed at the Keeper. "You look like you need a good night's sleep."

"I do, but I'll be fine, thank you for your concern, Sirona." The Keeper nodded politely.

Sirona sighed. "Do take care of yourself, I know you've been running around solving everyone's problems since the day you got here, but you shouldn't neglect your own health."

"I'll do my best." The Keeper flashed a wry smile as Sirona began to engage in pleasant conversation with Natty and even Poppy.

Honestly, the Keeper liked Sirona, a lot. The barkeeper had incredible charisma and an enviable ability to put people at ease.

Well, most people. The Keeper was honestly just unaccustomed to the type of goodness that Sirona carried around with her. She wasn't naïve like Natty, and she hadn't been cowed by her struggles and become reclusive like Poppy.

In a way, Sirona was exactly what everyone wanted to become as adults. Someone confident in the path they had chosen, proud and strong but not cruel or arrogant. Someone who was well loved and could stand up for people they barely knew.

Someone… unlike the person the Keeper knew they were likely to become. They already knew that the path they’d been set upon did not conform to societal norms, and they were content with that knowledge. The way the Keeper "helped" others was similar in appearance yet in stark contrast to Sirona's selfless generosity. A parallel of actions stemming from differing motivations.

The Keeper had never really understood why they felt uncomfortable around Sirona, but now, they could see why they felt stiff around her despite their fondness for her. It was the fact that the Keeper should want to emulate Sirona like their peers, but they didn't. As the mugs of butterbeer sailed over to their table, the Keeper shook these thoughts from their mind.

"Thank you, Sirona." The Keeper nodded as they accepted a mug.

"My pleasure, do let me know if you need anything else." Sirona gave them another warm smile before leaving the table.

A few moments later, the doors opened for Amit and Garreth to enter.

"Ah, sorry for being a bit late!" Amit apologised, as he shuffled over, looking slightly dishevelled and frazzled.

"Yeah, sorry, I just needed to grab something on the way." Garreth chimed in, as the two of them took a seat as well. He leaned back slightly and called out. “Hey, Sirona! Could I have a butterbeer?”

By the bar counter, Sirona glanced over at their table and gave Garreth a nod, flicking her wand and sending another butterbeer floating over to him with a relaxed. “Enjoy!”

With a grin, Garreth plucked the mug from the air and turned back to the group. "Alright, how are we gonna nail those bullies?"

Poppy blinked at Garreth in confusion while Natty raised an eyebrow at Amit. "You told Garreth?"

"What? No, I didn't, I thought you two told him." Amit now looked twice as confused as Poppy.

"Well, I didn't…" Poppy glanced at Natty, who also shook her head.

"Ah yes, now here's the thing." Garreth grinned impishly, propping an elbow on the table with a flourish. "Unbeknownst to the three of you, I happened to be disillusioned under a nearby table whilst my housemate explained the situation to dear Amit here and inadvertently heard the whole tale."

Garreth brushed his wavy locks aside dramatically. "Which is most certainly a stroke of good fortune for the lot of you, as I doubt there is a mischief maker quite as prolific as I."

He paused for a moment, before reluctantly adding. "Save perhaps Sebastian Sallow."

The long moment of silence was broken by the Keeper's snort of amusement. "Well, I can't say he's wrong, at least not about the mischief making."

"Why were you hiding under the table?" Poppy asked in bemusement.

“Well-” Garreth opened his mouth eagerly but was interrupted by Natty. "Please don't, trust me Poppy, it's not worth it and we don’t have all day."

"Oh, come on-" Garreth grumbled as Natty continued.

"I think we should confront them. We outnumber them and if we present a united front, maybe those bullies will think twice about attacking one of us." Natty suggested, her fist tightening with resolve.

"Maybe we can-" Garreth began, when he was abruptly cut off.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea…" Amit shifted nervously. "The element of surprise is with us right now, maybe we could just escort our friend around till the bullies graduate?"

"Or we could-" Garreth tried again.

Poppy shook her head vehemently. "We can't always be with them, especially at night, the bullies have even been disrupting their sleep. This can't continue!"

The group glanced at the Keeper in unison and the Keeper had to make a concerted effort to avoid scowling at the blatant pity in the group's eyes.

"Well-" Garreth opened his mouth.

"I say we fight back and give them a taste of what it's like to be hunted. Make those bullies understand that we aren't afraid of hurting them either." Poppy's eyes were dark as she said this, making Natty, Amit and Garreth stare at her in shock.

"While I agree that we should do something, let's try not to sink to their level." Natty laughed awkwardly, patting Poppy on the shoulder. If there was anyone she'd expected such a vicious suggestion from, it was the Keeper, not Poppy!

"I already gave them a good beating, all that did was ensure that they try to catch me off guard from a safe distance." The Keeper shrugged.

"Somehow I'm not surprised." Poppy smiled and Natty wondered what it said about herself, that her two close friends were perfectly capable of ruthless violence.

"Maybe we can frame the bullies for a serious crime? Or just bait them into committing one?" Amit suggested thoughtfully.

"How about-" Garreth made another attempt but was cut off again by Natty.

"I'd rather not frame them, but we could try to get evidence about what they've done…" Natty nodded.

"Maybe they have recorded some of their actions?" Poppy tapped her chin in thought. "Like in a diary?"

"Guys-"

"They do keep diaries, I believe." The Keeper nodded, thinking of a way to explain their knowledge without revealing that Sebastian had stolen them once. "I've seen one of them scribble in what looked like a journal once."

"Hey-"

"That might work, we'd just need a way to keep the bullies distracted while our friend here masterfully sneaks into the seventh-year dorm and steals the diaries!" Amit agreed, slapping the Keeper on the back.

"Sure." The Keeper chuckled, mildly amused by the way everyone had universally decided to ignore Garreth.

"Let me just-"

Poppy frowned. "How would we keep the bullies' attention though? I doubt we can get them to stop following-"

"Guys!" Garreth finally lost it and stood, slamming two vials down in the centre of the table.

The pub went silent as everyone, including other students and customers, turned to stare at Garreth who was now frozen like a mooncalf.

Grimacing at the amount of attention Garreth had just drawn, the Keeper raised their voice, injecting a casual boredom into it. "No Garreth, for the last time, we're not going to let you test your potions on us. I heard that Sebastian almost lost all his hair after taking one of your potions."

The rest of the pub laughed as Garreth sat back down looking sheepish and the attention gradually drifted away from their table once more.

"Well done, Garreth." The Keeper chuckled.

Garreth rolled his eyes, cleared his throat, and gestured at the two vials. "Anyway, we can use these to distract the bullies."

"Is that-" Amit gasped, looking at the thick brown liquid inside the vials.

"Polyjuice potion!" Garreth grinned triumphantly, shaking his head while clicking his tongue. "I told you, you guys are lucky I'm here, and you wouldn't even listen to a word I had to say."

The Keeper shrugged. "It was funny."

"How rude." Garreth scoffed in mock offence.

Natty stared at the vials dubiously. "Did you make these yourself?"

"Of course!" Garreth tipped his chin up proudly.

"Why do you even have Polyjuice potion on you?" Poppy asked, sounding bewildered.

"Why, you never know when you might need to transform into a teacher or prefect to escape a sticky situation or acquire something." Garreth replied, as though it were perfectly normal to carry around vials of potions.

The Keeper grinned, admittedly, they had twenty-five wiggenweld potions on them at all times, so who were they to judge. "To be fair, Garreth is one of the best potioneers in our class when he's not experimenting."

"Wow, an unambiguous compliment from our resident genius, I'm flattered." Garreth winked, prompting the Keeper to roll their eyes at him.

"How long do you think they'll last?" Poppy asked, curiously picking up a vial and rolling it between her fingers.

"About an hour each." Garreth gave a bow. "I'm willing to donate these potions to the cause, should be enough for the Keeper to steal some diaries before those bullies realise that they've been foiled."

"How generous." The Keeper eyed him suspiciously.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm still a Gryffindor and a Weasley. I ain't going to watch a friend suffer without trying to help." Garreth sighed, as though hurt by the implication of the Keeper’s words.

The Keeper was still sceptical but tipped their head concedingly while Natty smiled proudly.

"That and I think it'd be hilarious to look at those diaries. Wonder if there's anything silly in there that we can paste up all over and by the great hall." Garreth smirked mischievously.

Natty sighed while the Keeper chuckled. That was more in character.

"Alright, we have a plan. So, who wants to do the honours?" Natty asked, her expression clearly hopeful that someone else would volunteer to take the potions.

Amit looked equally reluctant and Garreth rolled his eyes. "I'll take one, it's my own month-long work. So, we just need another volunteer."

"I'll do it." Poppy wrapped her fingers around the vial that she was still holding, her expression determined.

"You sure?" The Keeper asked with some amusement, glancing over at Garreth teasingly. "I wouldn't want to visit you in the hospital wing."

"Hey!" Garreth protested indignantly.

Poppy giggled shyly. "Thanks, but I'm sure I'll be fine."

The Keeper accepted her statement with a shrug. "Guess all that's left is to decide when to enact the plan."

"I think we should do it over the weekend, less people inside Hogwarts." Amit suggested.

Natty nodded. "Saturday, after noon would probably be best."

The Keeper nodded, feeling the endeavours of the day wearing down on their already low energy levels and found themselves quickly tuning out the group's banter, mostly focusing just enough to pick out key words from the discussion.

The group spent several more minutes determining the details of the operation over some butterbeer.

Thus, the sun was already setting by the time Amit and Garreth left to return to Hogwarts, while Poppy rushed off to Brood and Peck to pick up some snacks for her creature friends before the shops closed.

As Poppy left the Keeper alone with Natty, they wondered how they might bring up Natty's interaction with Sebastian and Ominis. Fortunately for them however, Natty initiated that conversation herself.

Natty began hesitantly. "Hey, I know it isn't any of my business, but I think you should probably keep your distance from Gaunt and Sallow."

The Keeper bristled inwardly, but kept their expression level, and their voice calm as they replied. "You're right."

Natty smiled with relief, right until the Keeper continued. "It isn't any of your business, and while I appreciate you going to all this trouble to help me, it would have been better for you to ask me or at least inform me of your plans before you told other people about my problems."

She flinched at the Keeper’s words, while their tone wasn't angry, she could tell they weren't very pleased with her. Natty searched desperately for a way to defend her actions but the Keeper continued.

"In all fairness, I did say you could do what you want, I just didn't think you'd tell five different people about my personal problems." The Keeper sighed, pinching the bridge of their nose. "That was my miscalculation."

"I- I'm sorry, I suppose I didn't think of it that way." Natty grimaced, before frowning at a concerning thought that just occurred to her. "I guess I didn't think you'd mind that, you do know that there's no shame in being bullied, right? Those bullies are the ones who should be ashamed."

The Keeper snorted lightly, if they didn't know that Natty was being genuine, they'd probably be insulted by her concerned tone.

"I do understand that, and that's beside the point. Regardless of how you thought I'd feel about it or why you assumed I wasn't telling others about this, you revealed information that I was keeping secret for months now, without consulting me." The Keeper explained as clearly as they could.

They understood that Natty meant well, but she had to understand this, and learn to respect the Keeper's reasons, decisions, and privacy if they were to continue their friendship.

Natty looked away guiltily, she hadn't considered this, hadn't thought of it that way. Hadn't realised that she'd basically acted without the Keeper’s consent.

"I'm sorry, my friend…" Natty sighed. "I just wanted to help, and I guess I didn't understand what I was inadvertently doing."

"I know. That's why I'm not angry." The Keeper stood, understanding that she probably needed time to think about what they'd said. The Keeper hadn’t really forgiven her for upsetting their partners, but they also did genuinely appreciate Natty's efforts to aid them against the bullies and didn't want to jeopardise the Polyjuice plan.

As they passed by her on their way to the door, the Keeper patted her on the shoulder and added. "And don't concern yourself with Ominis and Sebastian, just because I get on with them well, doesn't mean you have to. Just steer clear of them if you don't like them."

Natty watched quietly as the Keeper gave a casual wave and disappeared through the door.

As the doors closed, she sighed, slumping onto the table. Natty had a feeling that she was going to have a hard time sleeping tonight too.

Notes:

I found some voice lines from the game files of NPCs making comments on other NPCs and one of them was Natty saying “I would be careful of Ominis Gaunt if I were you - I think he is interested in Dark Magic.”

Which is absolutely the most bizarre thing I ever thought I’d hear her say, like, WUT!? I think you’re confusing Ominis with Sebastian. I know Ominis’ cheeks look rather sallow but that’s Sebastian’s surname not his-

The only reason I could think of, for Natty to think such a thing, is Ominis’ family’s reputation. So, I wondered who she’d trust enough to blindly believe (when it comes to anything besides her own safety) and my best guess is that would be her mother. If it was a housemate who told her, she'd probably have said "I heard that he's interested etc" rather than "I think he's interested etc"

I also feel that Ominis would react pretty bitingly towards anyone he sees as slighting those he loves. I mean, just look at how he treats us when he catches us outside the Undercroft! “I don’t need you to tell me about my oldest friend.” And “He doesn’t need your help.” And if you are honest, “Why should I trust you? You just betrayed Sebastian.”

Ominis is the type of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt anyone who endangers or insults those he cares about. Whether they mean to or not. While Sebastian is easily angered when his protective love is questioned or challenged. Plus, they’re both busy worrying about the Keeper, so Natty’s really just coming at them with the worst timing, and all three of them being stressed means boooom!

Hope that made sense x’D

Also, I actually drew from my own personal experiences for Natty at the last portion of this chapter. I have, myself in the past as an inexperienced and naive young early-teen, inadvertently shared information without permission in my pursuit of justice and received condemnation from the party I was defending.

Of course, I understood afterwards that what I did was wrong, but I erred because no one taught me about the importance of consent even when your actions are taken with good intent. My childhood was… well, let’s just say I didn’t have a great dad, he's very religious, so instead I'd been taught to do "the right thing" whether others agreed or not.

"For your own good" is a dangerous mentality. Something Sebastian learnt the hard way when he hurt Ominis while keeping secrets from him "for his own good".

Thus, while I don’t think anyone too young should be reading this series, if there is indeed a young’un like my past self here, I’m hoping that this will help prevent someone from experiencing the same guilt and self-loathing I experienced when I realised that I’d done something that I couldn’t take back.

[smalife1234]

This is our Eighth weekly smiles! Please enjoy the read!

What made me smile this week?

Monday, 9/16/24 - today, I woke up around 6:00 Am and then went on the bus on the bus me and. Our friends we're laughing! And then in the first period, we had a substitute like we've been having since Friday! We worked on a tiny worksheet for a while! During the first period, I got our channel semi-remodeled! I made a new channel banner since I thought our channel was missing something! But I got it done and it looks fantastic! Then, in the second period, we got this large packet, but I completed it on the first day and just continued to do work on my laptop 💻! Then, at lunch, I got a salad, but also lunch was a bit hectic! Our friend Nichole started dying of laughter! Because I made a disgusted face towards the banana 🍌 and I didn't expect her to start Dying! But I got scared since I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting), and I just sat there in anticipation of silence as she coughed and practically gagged during the whole fiasco. I randomly gagged twice because of the fear and because of how sort of nasty it was! I swallow the gag, feeling down, and then say throw the milk away! She was laughing, but I kept insisting she throw the milk away. After the whole ordeal, we laughed about it, and thankfully, we're ok after! Again I did not mean to kill my friend. Sorry, so that made us smile and gag! Then, in the third period, we worked on some notes and a worksheet. Then I fourth we worked on several papers that day! Like three of them, then we got home and chilled and got to enjoy/Experience the new world tour that Subway Surfers came out with! It was pretty fun! Then, later on, we started a new catheter schedule for Luz because she had a UTI on the 2nd Day of September! So, it was not fun we set my alarms since she needed to catheterize herself every two hours! Which is a lot of catheters a day! That's like 12 on lucky days! Excluding her other bathroom trips! And if she has a bad day at least 15! Which is baffling to me! During the whole night, she kept waking up and doing two out of four, which is better than nothing! This whole day was hectic, busy, and funny, but it surely did make us smile!

Tuesday, 9/17/24 - today, we woke up at 7:00 Am, which is the latest time we've ever woke up! But we got dressed and discussed their catheters even more! Then we went on the bus where it was very rainy! And gloom out! In the first period, two people were working on the air conditioning in Mrs. Brady's, and it tends to get very hot! In her room, they were turning the air conditioner off and on again, and during that process, we had a lockdown drill. After the whole lockdown process, they dropped three tools from the ceiling, and it scared me! LOL, then I changed my wonderful keyboard to me, and I have to say I'm digging it! It looks nicer and I've already typed many things using this keyboard! Then, in the second period, Luz ate a strawberry pop tart and a honey gram cracker. I started on the rest of my notes and then we got another worksheet! But I do know that there is a half day tomorrow woo hoo! Yay Wednesday! And that's on my chemotherapy day so it's just asking to be a good day! Currently, I'm done working on my notes but working on another set, and we'll finish that worksheet Tonight or tomorrow! Then, in the third period, we worked on some notes and presented our papers and what we learned! Then, in the fourth period, we finished some papers and then did a walking around activity for the last 30 minutes of class. Then, on the bus, someone was apparently eating, so we stayed for a few minutes behind, and then Mrs. Roberts came on the bus and talked to all the students and discussed that if we ate on the bus, we would be taken off the bus! So that was a little bit scary! But we're enjoying the bus ride home talking about different things :)

Wednesday, 9/18/24 - today was a half day whoo hoo! So we only have 4 hours of college instead of 8! So that was fun. In the first period, we did a small review paper that the substitute gave us while Mrs cox was away! I gave him 1.2, but I think he lost it, and I had to do it again. I answered the reviews, and most of them weren’t difficult. I got that done and turned it in, and then I chilled for the rest of class and worked on the descriptions for YouTube second period. We had a worksheet, and I got that done and some notes, done, but for the most part, I just chilled! Then I learned some news from the substitute! That it's National Cheeseburger Day! I didn't know that so happy national cheeseburger 🍔 Day! In the third period, we worked on notes, but Mrs. Breseler was having a lifetime of a struggle getting technology to work. It eventually ended up working, and we just got some notes done and then folded a paper. I can't remember what it was called. But it made me laugh as I was confused lol. Then, in the fourth period, we tried some in-chair yoga. It was incredibly hilarious, and it made us smile and laugh. We did some papers and a web quest, which I almost completed! But it's ok! But we chilled, and at home, we finally found my ring 💍! Yay, don't worry. It got lost yesterday after we had done the dishes, but our mom found it and placed it somewhere safe! So hooray it's found! Then I exported and worked on my wedding video and got it uploaded and it's scheduled!! I cannot wait for y'all to see it! One edit: while they were during their bath, I watched, and it made me a tad bit emotional! So I don't know how that will affect me! On my wedding day, I will know that those tears will be happy tears 🥹! Love you Emmie ❤️! But I chilled most of that night and showed my friend Emmie some funny reels that made me die of laughter! Today was hectic but it made me smile!

Thursday, 9/19/24 - today is a normal day, sadly, but that's ok! Today during the first period, we did a Kahoot, and I got first place! I got some of them wrong but that's ok! Then we worked on any missing or uncompleted assignments! Then, in the second period, I got a second chance at breakfast and got a blueberry muffin and some honey gram crackers! Which we're actually very good! Then we worked on a Bohrn structure sheet for the different types of elements on the periodic table! I got the models done and got most of the notes done. I just need to cut them out and finish the sheet! Which I'm really close to doing! So I got a lot of work done! Then, at lunch, my awesome friend Nichole bought me a bag of sweet, spicy chili Doritos from the vending machine! I thank her for that! Plus, there are my favorite chips! Then in the third period, we did a website/ review sheet and folded another bindle paper used for small evidence. As I was laughing at how I couldn't fold it, another girl smiled at me, and it made me smile! Then, in fourth, we worked on the rest of the web quest, did some notes, and worked on brain games! Then on the bus, my friends told me how good the day was! And then, on the way home, we saw a floating leaf that kept spinning. It was enjoyable to watch, and it made me smile. Now we're currently chilling! Then we got a yummy salad from Mom, but for me, it had too much pepper, so I put it up for grabs! Don't wanna waste food! Then we chilled, did a workout, and I overheated, which sucks. I should've used the spray bottle or my fan, but it was my fault, lol! Then we went to bed! Today made me smile!

Friday, 9/20/24 - this morning, I was so tired and could barely keep my eyes open, so as they were getting dressed, I slept a little while longer! Then I got dressed, and we just did a workout, which woke me up pretty well. Then, on the way to our bus, we saw our cat Charlie being a big ol loaf. It was way too cute! We just had to take a picture! But at the bus stop, we saw the moon, which is something we saw over 9 months ago, which is weird/cool! I took several pictures at the bus stop and the bus! I had a thrill looking at all the pretty sights! In the first period, we have a test! Hopefully, I do well! Sadly, I did not do well and got a 53 on the test! But for right now, I just got to chill for the rest of the first period! Then in second period we worked on another worksheet! And thankfully I got it done! Just in time and then I worked on cutting out Bohr models! I got that completely finished! And then our friend Nichole gave us the news that she got her Job!! I am super proud of her! Then in third period we watched a YouTube documentary on Jon Benet Ramsey! A six-year-old tragically Murdered, and the case has never been solved for 2+ decades. It was bone-chilling to hear everything that had happened! Then, in the fourth period, we worked on some notes and kept laughing that day! Then we went home and enjoyed the rest of our day knowing it was the weekends!

Saturday, 9/21/24 - today, I woke up around six AM, and then we chilled most of the morning until our mom called us, and we had to work for an hour! But we soon got it all done! And her area looks a lot better! Then we chilled and hung out until 5 pm, that's when our friend called us and said that she was coming over! It was unexpected, but it was fine with our parents! So we hung out until 8:00 Pm! Maybe even 9! It was a fun crazy hangout! But it also resulted in injury! Our Nichole did a trust fall, not knowing he was not behind her. She fell and hit her hand! Causing her to need a bandaid! And she almost cried! Obviously, I did not film it, but I did comfort her, and my wife made her laugh! Then we listened to booming music at 42 volume!! It was crazy loud! We have that in our vlog! And Emmie's Quadriplegic celebration video reminds me it's my wife's 7-month celebration 🎊 🎉!! I am super proud of you baba ❤️! After that, we chill for a while! And I needed to use my spray bottle since I overheated that night but thankfully wasn't doing as bad as Luz and Donny! They felt nauseous and almost fainted! God forbid we go into a truck without having a rough night 😂! But thankfully, everyone is doing ok, and today made me smile!

Sunday, 9/22/24 - today I woke up pretty late from the long time we stayed up! Last night lol but I started my 46th round of chemotherapy at 10 am and should end my chemo session around 7 pm! To get to the main point of today we're going to our grandma's house! For a fun Sunday family dinner 🍽️! Before Grandma's, we watched videos, and I typed Saturday's entry! I ate a bowl of ramen, and that was it so far. Lol before I got to Grandma, we filmed some content and then headed out the door. Currently, we're driving and enjoying the beautiful sky! But sadly I overheated as my nose was running and I felt so hot! But don't worry I'm ok! I keep feeling waves of heat help. But I thankfully got over it! Then we listened to Grandfather talk about football 🏈 lol! Then we had a delicious dinner of chili and yummy salad 🥗! It was very good and I enjoyed it very much! Then me and Nancy talked for a while until we had yummy brownies with nuts and vanilla ice cream! It was very good, and we had a fun time currently. I've been done with chemotherapy for 14 minutes (it's 7:14 Pm). We eventually said goodbye after a wonderful stay, and then we drove home. On the drive home, I saw some more beautiful sunsets! I enjoy that so that certainly made me smile! Today was but a blur and fun! Sadly, we have to go back to school tomorrow, but we'll get through it! But today was great and it made me smile! Now for the most important question ⁉️

What made you smile this week?

Img desc #1: the beautiful sky is shown as the sun is setting. There are trees and houses very darkened mainly focusing on the pretty sky! The photo is not edited.

Img desc #2: doc is seen on a Cruise. She is seen smiling in her electric wheelchair as she has a red strap on her forehead. Doc is seen wearing a pink short-sleeved shirt and beige-colored sweatpants.

Img desc #3: Emmie is seen smiling in a dark room while wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and a black blazer she is seen with her hair combed.

Img desc #4: Emmie is seen in a bathroom mirror she is near a white sink wearing a white long sleeved buttoned up shirt and a black blazer over her white shirt she is wearing grey colored jeans paired with a black belt. Or the buckle of her electric wheelchair her wrist are resting on the arm rest of her electric wheelchair.

Img desc #5: doc is seen up very high! She is seen smiling while wearing a hat and a green short sleeved shirt and beige colored shorts her Atrophied hands are resting on her lap she is giving a wide smile to the camera.

Img desc #6: doc and Emmie are seen in a group photo doc seen on the left is seen smiling while wearing a hat and a green short sleeved shirt and beige colored shorts and white shoes she is seen in her electric wheelchair. Emmie seen right of the image is seen smiling while in her electric wheelchair while wearing a white short sleeved shirt and light colored shirt and white shoes Emmies arms are seen resting on a service dog and her arm rest. They are having a fun time!

Img desc #7: doc's and Emmie's grandma and grandfather are seen in a photo when they were younger. Grandma is seen resting on the chest of Grandfather. She is seen smiling while her hair is neatly combed and fixed. She is wearing a red shirt and a Dr coat as she was a nurse back then. They are near a bookshelf. Grandfather is seen with Grandma on his chest. He is seen smiling while wearing brown squared glasses. His hair is combed neatly, and he is wearing a white shirt. The picture is framed and put up on the wall.

Img desc #8: shows Doc's chili they had at grandma's house! With a salad nearby the chili is in a white bowl and on a table. The food was delicious!

Img desc #9: shows the moon in the sky that very morning at the bus stop! The moon is seen Looking very pretty!

Img desc #10: shows docs breakfast that morning with honey grams and blueberry muffin with milk on a grey table. The blueberry muffin was delicious!

[strapstreams]

Archive Updates

Hey guys, so things have been very hectic for me IRL that I haven't really had time to go and make updates here regarding the videos that have been coming out, so I figure why not have some links to the various playlists that have been getting updates.

First up is Fate/Samurai Remnant! I believe I'd only gotten up to Episode 2 originally on the queue here before getting too busy to keep doing that AND the ones for Twitter. I've actually had a lot more episodes come out since then, with episode 9 ready to go live this Saturday! Here's the playlist, I highly suggest you go check it out, I've had a lot of fun with the game so far!

Next is Pokemon Infinite Fusion. Last update on here was episode 5, but I believe up to episode 8 is now public on the archive channel. This is another game I'm enjoying, I hope to get to show more of it soon! If you'd like to check it out, here's the full playlist!

Next up is a great classic, the Gunvolt series! I have all 5 games up on the archive channel in their own individual playlists as well as this full series playlist (which should also include my original run through GV3 with the English audio and the series review from the end of that initial run). I highly suggest you all take a look at it and if you enjoy it I hope you can join the community in wanting to see more of this great franchise!

And finally a short little playlist from my time with the 2nd DLC for Pokemon Scarlet. It goes through the story specific stuff with the DLC, not a whole lot of extra content I believe, so the Blueberry story and the Indigo Disk story but not the bonus post-story content or the Epilogue chapter. It was very much just a 1st look at the DLC and I had quite a bit of fun with it. In fact, the next Violet stream will actually start this story! If you'd like to see me messing around with the game and doing some fun voices (as well as randomly referencing stuff one of my friends and I had headcanoned with regards to Kieran's relationship to my Scarlet character, Nyx, while we waited for the Indigo Disk DLC to drop) then you should definitely check this four episode playlist out!

I will be trying to get to promote when the videos go live on here and on BlueSky more, in addition to the ones that are already queued for Twitter (BlueSky is going to be rough because I haven't been able to find a way to go and schedule posts there yet, which means right now I have to remember to manually update it and I'm often streaming at the time the videos get made public). For now, if you'd like to be kept permanently up to date when anything goes live, you can drop by the archive channel itself or the twitch channel and drop by the discord link on them (or subscribe to the archive channel, it's free and you'll get to see the occasional video that doesn't get streamed on Twitch right now) to join the discord, as I've got *THAT* one set up to automatically post updates when a video is made public on the archive channel.

[toa-arania]

Watch Out For The Clown

1: Don't worry about an actual clown, this is another Val post 2: I promise that makes sense in context

It's been a while since I've done one of these so for everyone new, Valerie Wester is a character I play in a Monsterhearts game. She is a Witch, and an absolute force of nature. Big proponent of Womens' Wrongs. I've posted about three of her Category 5 Woman Moments before (here, here, and here), all in relation to an OC tournament called the Homemade Girlboss Battle which she very nearly won (2nd place if I'm remembering the numbers right). At the time, the game was on pause, and has been over summer and most of autumn because two players dropped out and we needed to find a new one.

Enter the Clown.

Monday. Two members of the gang have fucked off for various reasons (one went to go searching for their missing sister and the other got sent to superhell by his evil uncle). We are down to Val (Witch), Mei (Ghost), Levi (Werewolf), and Darcy (Hollow (soulless husk with an identity crisis)). We come into school, Val and Levi flagrantly ignoring the buddy system as always, and who should arrive but our new classmate: Aluber

It is important context that despite our gang being a fairly queer group (even though our actual trans man did just fuck off to go looking for his sister) the town we live in, Springdale, is fairly backwater. So none of us are that surprised when a whole-ass clown turns up to class, announces his intentions to be everyone's friends, and immediately gets called a faggot. We are surprised when he flat-out does not know what that means. Now Val is the type who, like many tumblr users, thinks of faggot as a compliment, and decides that it is absolutely a good idea to teach Aluber this too. He ends up sitting with us at lunch.

We quickly discover that Aluber is a Fae (because of Levi's Werewolf senses), and that it is probably for the best that he ended up with our group of supernatural misfits instead of getting dragged into Heather's Mind-Control Clusterfuck. Now because he's a Fae, that means he has a connection with an entity called the Fae King, or as Aluber calls him, Big Uncle. Above-table we call him Buncle now. It is also important to note that one of Val's many, many schemes is to set up a deal with the Fae King at some point to be able to tap into Fae magic. Buncle calls Aluber to the Fae domain of the forest, and gives him a big-ass tome of magic spells, and tells him to "not let anyone else have it". This choice of words will become important later.

Events progress as normal for this group. Val accidentally turns Darcy into a vessel for her dead sister's soul, but that's a story for another post. Then, on Tuesday, Mei gets a coded note. This is not unusual. Mei has been getting coded notes for a while that Val has been helping her to study due to their shared investigation into the Murder Basement, which is related to the Psychic Doublebird Reacharound.

This note says "Watch Out For The Clown".

We proceed with caution. However.

Since our characters are teenagers (a mix of 16-17 iirc) we do teenager things. And that includes Truth or Dare. Also drinking. Val is mixing the drinks, and she does not put any thought into strength at all. This will come back to bite her in the ass. During Truth or Dare, her first dare is to cast the Migraine Spell on herself, which is what she calls the spell Ring of Lies, a spell that causes painful tinnitus in people who try to lie. Big lies can even cause people to pass out. Val, as a pathological liar, does not enjoy being under the influence of this spell. The game proceeds, and the details are not important immediately because I will be writing about that clusterfuck another time, but it is important that by the end of this evening Val has learnt about Aluber's Fae Spellbook, and she wants to have it. However, she has been told that Buncle will get stabby if Aluber gives the book to people. Val begins to plan.

Val wakes up with a hangover in the morning.

The plan is simple: Convince Aluber that as someone with more magical knowledge than him, she can help teach him how to use the book's magic.

This does not go according to plan.

Wednesday. Val has been even more short-tempered than usual all day due to her actual migraine and people being irritating, so when she asks Aluber about the book and he says no because he doesn't trust her and is scared of her (rightfully so to be fair), she does not take it well. Then, Aluber makes the mistake of turning to Mei and Levi and saying "would you two like to come and look at the book?". Val responds predictably by magically ripping open every blood vessel in Aluber's nose and giving him probably the worst nosebleed anyone present has ever seen. She and Levi go to have a Chat about her losing her cool, but the specifics are for another time. This is already going to be my longest Val Post.

During a separate incident, Val learns that one of the spells in Aluber's book is an Antimagic Field. She and Wesley (an NPC Witch who is Val's "friend") decide that they need to kill this fucking Clown. They don't stick with this for long as the Gang Comes Up With A Plan, so Val instead starts scheming how to get around an Antimagic Field.

The idea is simple: In endocytosis, the process by which cells absorb large things, the cell membrane bends inwars and splits off into a bubble called a vesicle, which contains only the thing it absorbed and keeps it separate from the rest of the cell's contents. Val will simply apply this principle to the field. All she needs to do is examine the theory and work out how to manipulate the field's boundaries.

The plan is simple: """Apologise""" to Aluber, talk about how people intentionally keeping things from her takes up her whole head until it's resolved to the point of losing sleep, Promise to be friends, and as a gesture of goodwill offer to teach him more about his spells, and even only look at the book through his eyes using magic so he can control what she sees (and so she can understand the book's contents but she doesn't need to mention that).

Then a few people make some rather daft choices.

Saturday. For petty reasons (she was watching him sleep), Wesley has hexed Mei. Instead of going to Val, who she knows could dispel it in a heartbeat, she goes to Aluber, who has an untested antimagic spell that he has never attempted before. So he tries it. As it turns out, when you cast Antimagic spells on a Ghost, it turns them back into a dying corpse. So now Mei is on the floor bleeding out and having ptsd flashbacks. They call Val.

Val gets there (and brings Levi), and very quickly realises that because Aluber has not let her look at any of the spell theory, she has no idea how to dispel this. The spell manifests as a chain, so Levi tries to pull it off, breaking Mei's ankle in the process, and it magnets back on. We are all panicking. I am going to kill this fucking Clown. And then the spell ends and Mei is fine.

Val immediately rips into Aluber because that was an objectively stupid thing to do. She skips straight past any kind of apology, and tells him that he cannot just try shit unless he understands how it works (note: Val is constantly trying shit without entirely understanding how it works, but none of the gang know enough about magic to point that out). She convinces him to let her study the theory before he tries any more of these spells so she can explain to him how it works.

All according to keikaku.

Aluber goes upstairs to where he was keeping the book, and once he's retrieved it from its hiding place Val casts Watching on him to look through his eyes. She starts reading the theory behind the Antimagic Field. Instead of waiting for her to be done, Aluber begins casting it in a small area on the ground. This is when Val realises that it is not an antimagic field. It is an antimagic pulse. She only just manages to get out of Aluber's head in time to warn Levi and Mei, who fucking book it, but Val herself does not have time to move before she is hit by the blast.

Fun fact about magic in this setting. Different types of magic do not mix well. Fae magic and Witch magic are quite close to each other, and interact reasonably well, magic from the Dark Powers does its own shit, and Celestial magic tends to repel other kinds of magic. The character who got sent to Superhell, Seraph, had a protective field that blocked Val's magic and always made her feel a bit ill, so she already knew that losing her connection to magic fucks with her badly. In the words of the GM, "it feels like one of your organs has been taken out". Val fully throws up and passes out, and her earring of mind shielding is destroyed. Meanwhile, all of Aluber's Faery Contracts are nullified, and Mei is only just able to get out of range of being turned back into a Super Dead Corpse. Levi is fine.

Val wakes up, ready to actually fucking murder Aluber, and we all hear a screeching in our minds as the Fae King yoinks Aluber into the forest. As it turns out, "Do not give anyone this book" apparently included "Do not let anyone read this book". The book has now been confiscated. Aluber was not able to memorise the spell, but because Val read through the theory, she now does remember it, and as the only one with the knowledge of how to use it she plans to hold it as a very important bargaining chip.

The moral of the story: one day, I am going to kill this fucking Clown. Just not yet, because he keeps making himself useful for things.