#there���s the little fucker

[unclefathersantateddy]

Bob Belcher hyping up his own strip tease with "you won't even want it, you- you'll wanna leave" is on my mind tonight fellas

[infriga]

I've been reading the translated novel version of S-Classes That I Raised, and I remember when I was first reading the webcomic version I was curious about why the ship with Yoojin and Hyunjae was so much more popular than any other ship, since I hadn't gotten very far in yet. I get it now. They won't stop fucking flirting with each other every time they're close enough to exchange words.

[d1n6]

I always forget I have to post shit here. Turn your screen-brightness up.

[chocolatesauce-blog-blog]

Uzi would be the kind of person to ask you to close your eyes and hold out your hand only to put a live spider in your palm :3

[frnkiebby]

oh. okay.~🎃

[herunswithscissors]

I'm the wife in my marriage.

It's funny to me anyway. Funny to me because my wife is the very picture of femininity, loving, caring, sexy, pretty, beautiful wife, loving and adored by all her children. And a satisfied and hot for her husband.

But to me she is beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love her and despair!

And yet she chose me.

So to all the hella ladies who rejected my advances? Y'all missed out. Because she saw in me what way too many people couldn't. And sometimes still can't.

And she wants to run my life. And the lives of our whole family. And we all kinda love it. Mostly. But it ain't worth the headache or heartache of fighting her on anything. She's Daddy's little princess and her mother is the loving matron and queen bitch of the family and we all stay in line. Mostly. I love to do my own thing too much for my own good. But it keeps our fights about stupid stuff instead of my weed use again.

(I'm dead ass functional and present from 6am on till I finally get my insomniac ass too sleep while high just to escape the constant anxiety about my sick daughter's upcoming surgery, my dying suegro, my mourning wife, disturbed autistic son, special needs princess Daddy's girl I'm spoiling her to death to make her just as powerful and ungovernable mother and it's working too well already. Have you ever negotiated with a hostile bitchy entitled as fuck child? )

Anyway, you wouldn't know it looking at me or talking normal chitchat, but I'm pretty fucking manly. In the way my culture defines manliness. I'm not very masculine. But I'm very manly.

I'm feminine as fuck in my household. I mother the kids, help their emotional development, work on my wife's emotional and mental well-being, and I'm the one never in the mood for sex. And I do every single thing she says. And then she does the discipline and management of the family's affairs. And she's the one who has to seduce me. Did I mention she was sexy as fuck? (While I'm awkward as fuck every time we even roleplay.) And a horny Latina. (That's why these horny sexy, nice, Latinos are taking over. It's natural selection. The Whites just can't compete and as usual are getting their panties in a twist over not being able to compete even with everything in their favor to out reproduce them all but it was too many kids for a nuclear family to handle Whites.) So beautiful hot queen sexy as fuck Latina seduces me every night. #blessed. So fuck yeah I don't wanna fuck up this arrangement. So I do everything she tells me to and treat her real good and let her win every argument and over apologize. Except when I make a rare exception to make a stand in something important or just to make some trouble and have some fun.

Oh yeah. She's a clean freak 😮‍💨 But she's an impatient Latina housewife perfectionist clean freak. So she gets mad at my perfectly good job when company isn't ever coming job and tells me to stop even trying to clean. Go play Minecraft with your daughter to keep her occupied.🤣

I have the best living situation ever. I'll be your bitch my bitchy highness. Just please keep playing with my hair on your lap. Oh, and that sucking my dick the way you do and being right 95% of the time on judgement calls.

So yeah I'm the wife.

And I got a pretty good life.

[elkkiel]

Apologies for spamming we're not even following each other, here's the last ones I have <3

I'm pretty sure I followed you like right after this but then just forgot to actually respond to the asks lol. Alkaline playthrough intro sequence my beloved

[bloodurged]

the children yearn for the day this fandom learns to differentiate between "I dislike this character for saying or doing x, and I want to delete it from the game" and "I dislike this character for saying or doing x, but it adds a perspective and I only wish it were written better".

[nametakensff]

Good day at work (S/teddie)

Yeah so this happened - the shortest smut fic I have ever managed! 1.8k of S/teve and E/ddie being kinky and in love

S/teve gets back from an unexpectedly arousing encounter at work and immediately seeks E/ddie out for some fun

~~~~~~

Content:

M/M, established relationship (maybe just under a year or so in), both S/teve and E/ddie have the fetish, E/ddie gets off to his own sneezing (but it doesn't really come up so much in this fic), handjobs, mentions of blowjobs, E/ddie and S/teve both getting off to accounts of previous sneezing incidents, mild voyeurism, masturbation, some fetish related dirty talk, mentions of allergy sneezing, no actual in-person sneezing now that I think about it - just accounts of it

CW: descriptions of spit, graphic descriptions of cum, S/teve doesn't ask before initiating sexual activity

~~~~~~

NSFW, minors please DNI!

Eddie started slightly at the abrasive click of the lock as Steve let himself into their apartment. He looked up from his book with a smile but barely had the chance to offer a verbal greeting before Steve was pressed up against him and squeezing his junk through his sweatpants.

“Uhh…” He muttered dumbly, watched as Steve yanked said pants down his hips and pulled his soft cock out of his underwear, starting a gentle but steady rhythm of stroking and squeezing. It felt great almost immediately; Eddie let out a shaky exhale and leaned back against the couch cushions he’d already been propped up against, head resting on the arm of the couch as he read a new fantasy paperback in their living room.

“I missed you too, Stevie, holy fuck…”

He gasped at a particularly firm squeeze to the head of his cock before Steve trailed his fingers back down the shaft and started pumping in earnest, much easier now that Eddie was hardening at an almost embarrassingly rapid rate.

“Good day at work?” He asked, putting his book to one side and allowing himself to lay back completely and let Steve pleasure him for all he was worth. A lazy smile quirked up at the corners of his lips as he peered at Steve through lidded eyes.

Steve huffed a small laugh and gazed back at him, pupils already blown and, if Eddie wasn’t mistaken, with a slight blush dusting his cheeks.

“You could say that.” Steve muttered, before briefly releasing Eddie’s cock and placing his cupped hand under the older man’s mouth. “Spit for me.”

Eddie did so, continuing to stare up at Steve, heated gaze unshakeable. Steve watched him back, though his eyes soon followed the trail of liquid pooling in his palm. Satisfied with Eddie’s efforts, he gripped his cock once again and started to pull and tease at an even faster rhythm aided by the added slickness. Eddie was gasping, hips bucking upwards and cock twitching in the cage of those clever fingers.

“Not that I’m complaining, honey,” He was cut off by his own moan as Steve’s other hand started to massage his balls. “But to what – hah – what do I owe the pleasure?”

Steve was really blushing now. It was painfully erotic to Eddie, watching his boyfriend squirm like this even as he worked his cock with the skilled grip of a god damn sex wizard. He was never shy about sex unless it was something distinctly…kinky in nature. Eddie waited as patiently as he was able, thighs flexing and almost pushing a seated Steve off of the edge of the couch as they spread wider, beyond his control.

“There was this guy, came into the store.” Steve started after a few more moments of weighted silence. “He kept on…sneezing. And it sounded like you.”

Eddie’s cock throbbed, this delicious piece of information skyrocketing his arousal even higher.

“Yeah, baby?” He licked his lips reflexively. “Did it drive you crazy?”

Steve’s breath hitched in excitement, an incredibly pleasing sound to Eddie’s ears.

“Y-yeah. I could barely concentrate. I wanted to watch him, but…”

“Too shy?”

“Mhmm.”

Eddie moaned, a low gravelly sound as Steve picked up the pace. He was getting close already, could feel the tension building in his stomach, squirming as he fucked back up into that intoxicating grip.

“Tell me more, Stevie.”

Steve moaned himself, caught up in the kinkiness of it all and at the sight of his boyfriend edging closer and closer to orgasm.

“He walked round for a while – I was stacking shelves in the horror section – or was it romance? Sorry, doesn’t matter, um – yeah – he was walking around looking for – something. But he just never stopped sneezing. A couple of sneezes, every like, twenty seconds or so. And he didn’t hold back at all. I think he must have been sneezing all over the videos.”

Eddie gasped, using both hands to grip the couch, simultaneously tensing and bucking as his orgasm lunged even closer. He could practically taste it at this point, so monumental in such a short amount of time.

“Ahh – Steve – don’t stop. Fuck – fuck! Gonna come soon, baby-!”

Steve didn’t stop, didn’t even falter, kept tugging at his sack and milking him with those long, tan fingers. He didn’t stop talking either, and Eddie let the visuals of his boyfriend’s story push him even further towards the edge.

“It went on like that for five minutes before I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was so hard–"

“Ohh, Steve, fuck,”

“-and I just shouted some kind of excuse over to Robin and hauled my ass to the bathroom. I could still hear him-“

“Fuck, ohh, fuck,”

“-and I pretended it was you. I jerked myself until I came all over the place, thinking about you-“

“Steve-! M’cumming, gonna cum-!!”

“-and how good it would feel to have you sneeze all over, on my face, on my cock-“

Eddie couldn’t take it anymore, gasped and shuddered before fucking up into Steve’s fist once, twice more before his orgasm crested dramatically. He felt Steve working him through it, elevating and elongating his pleasure as he strained and pulsed and spilled. It was intense, his head thrown back and face twisted in a rictus of ecstasy as his nerves came alive. But like any orgasm, it was fleeting, and he was finally flopping back against the sofa, muscles unlocking and feeling for all the world like every bone in his body had melted.

“Ohh, god, Steve…” He managed, laughing softly as the rush of endorphins left him giddy and pliant.

“Mm, that good, baby?”

Eddie managed to lift his head back up, peering down the length of his body at Steve.

“So good, holy shit. Come here.”

He opened his arms for Steve to crawl into, but to his disappointment his boyfriend got to his feet instead. Though confused, Eddie was satisfied to see the younger man's own massive erection straining against his skin-tight Levi's.

“Steeeeve, I said come here.” He whined.

“One second, Eds. I need to clean you up. You made a mess, babe.”

Eddie blinked. Oh, right. He did just totally jizz everywhere, come to think of it. He glanced down and noticed for the first time the lengthy stripes of cum glistening in an obscene series of spurts all over his Iron Maiden t-shirt. And if he wasn’t mistaken then that sticky sensation as he moved his head meant he’d actually managed to come on his own neck, and a little on the couch cushion beside him.

“Damn.”

“You can say that again.” Steve was back with a box of tissues – the very one that Eddie had been too lazy to bring with him into the living room earlier that day.

“Da-“

“Shut up.” Steve laughed at him and started to dab at Eddie’s shirt before realising the full extent of the damage.

“Yeah, no, this is coming off.” He scrubbed off as much surface level cum as he could before pulling it over Eddie’s head, ignoring the petulant protests as the older man was yanked up by his shoulders. His grin widened as a shirtless Eddie flopped back against the couch, looking disgruntled and thoroughly irritated at the manhandling so soon after his climax.

“Sorry, sorry,” Steve chuckled, hovering forward and pressing kisses to Eddie’s face.

“You missed a spot.” Eddie grumbled, and Steve leaned back with furrowed brows.

“Here,” Eddie motioned to his neck. “And here.” He pointed at the couch cushion.

“Damn, Munson. You fucking sharp shooter!” He laughed, using a new tissue to clean Eddie’s throat as he tilted his head back with a gentle hand to his chin.

“Not a sharp shooter if my aim is fucked. How the fuck did it get over there?!” He giggled, watching as Steve tried his best to scrub his cum from the upholstery.

“You come like a fucking fire hose, I guess. At least none got in your hair.” Steve smirked, taking a moment to tuck Eddie’s cock back into his underwear and pull up his pants before crawling into the embrace of his boyfriend’s re-opened arms. They lay like that for a while, Steve’s erection flagging slightly but still digging persistently into Eddie’s hip.

“Mm.” Eddie nuzzled into Steve’s neck, taking in the familiar smell of his skin, his cologne and hairspray. “You look like such a dork in your little work vest. It’s sexy.”

“You look like a dork full stop. Also sexy.” Steve murmured back, sounding for all the world like he was the one who had just come his proverbial brains out and needed the rest.

“Falling asleep on me, big boy?”

“Hmmf.”

“You’re like a middle-aged dad of three. I can’t really return the favour if you leave this sphere of consciousness, honey.”

“Don’t h’ve to. Did that fr’you, not me.”

“I want to do it for you too, Stevie. Want your gorgeous cock in my mouth. I’m serious about the vest. You’re so fucking cute.”

Steve sighed peacefully against him and cuddled into him closer, sharp nose nuzzling into his neck. Eddie held him tight, feeling so unbelievably happy and content in that moment that his eyes nearly prickled with tears. After a beat, Steve wriggled in his grip and turned them so that they were face to face. They kissed for a while, lazy and languid, until Steve pulled back and leaned his forehead against Eddie’s.

“Can we go upstairs? I really want to make love to you, if that’s okay.”

Eddie smirked.

“Make love, huh? And all this time I thought we were just fucking.”

Steve looked temporarily mortified before he recognised the tenderness in his boyfriend’s eyes. The sudden shifting of his features from ‘Oh, god, that was lame’ to ‘Oh, okay, it was not’ was so fucking sweet that Eddie’s heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding.

“Yeah, Stevie, I’d really like that.”

They cuddled and talked for a little longer before Steve was pulling Eddie to his feet and leading them up the stairs to their bedroom.

“Eddie, could you, um?”

“Sneeze for you? One step ahead, baby.”

“You’re so hot and so annoying about it.”

“That should have been my yearbook quote.”

Steve sat down on the bed and held out an arm for Eddie to join him. The metalhead considered this for a moment before dropping to his knees between Steve’s legs instead. Steve reached down and ran a hand affectionately through Eddie’s messy curls before cupping his cheek in his palm.

“Want you to cum in my mouth before you fuck me.” Eddie smiled up at him, nuzzling into his hand. “That good with you?”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, pupils blown wide as Eddie unzipped his jeans and started to pump his cock in his fist.

“But first, I think I should tell you about my day, too.”

Steve quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh? Okay. Go ahead.”

Eddie grinned.

“So, this morning, after you left? I had the most insane little tickle in my nose. Must’ve sneezed at least thirty times before I could even get out of bed to take my meds. This ragweed is absolutely wrecking me.”

“Ohh, you fucker.” Steve smirked, clocking onto Eddie’s game.

“And that was just first thing this morning. Wait ‘til I tell you about this afternoon...”

Steve didn’t even make it to lunch.

[just-a-mod]

The very second this game lets me beat The Fox to d e a t h

I'm going to have a new fox-fur-fleece.

ya'll seemed real fond of my protective Ratau piece, so if this gets a similar amount of attention, i might just draw said fox-fur-fleece

[mrsoharaa]

Do you guys know that one “game” thing where someone uses their credit card with their s/o and if they capture it with their lips pressed together they can buy whatever they want?

Welppp, I’m briefly (barely atm lmao) awake and thought about doing this with Suguru. Who wears such a smug expression as he does it, but misses the obvious chances that you could’ve won, on purpose. Laughs at you as your adorable pout springs onto your cute scowling face, tilts your chin to meet his tender gaze and assures you he’d let you buy whatever your adoring heart desires…after, a few more kisses of course. 😭😩😮‍💨🫠💗💗

[ivrket]

The Fellas are penniless

I love my boys

"What do we have?"

This :)

[emo-eyemakeup-evildude]

BABY'S FIRST HATE COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!

look at me mom I'm a real fic writer

on the most recent chapter of my least popular fic, no less

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

Look I don't know what the fuck antarctica is.

It's like stuff your ass ain't surviving past though

[elkkiel]

my earbuds officially died and it is so loud outside .. farewell gamers it's over for me now o7