#there’s so many little moments we never see and this is always one of them

[kashverse]

Nanami and yuuji? Or maybe jst Nanami..You can choose the prompt! I jst wanna see more of them

i live to write for papamin and yuuji <3 thanks for requesting

there were many things people didn’t know about nanami. for instance, his impressive ability to make five different kinds of soufflés, his uncanny knack for always finding the best parking spots, and, of course, his surprisingly adept skill with a guitar. whenever he strummed those strings, the rich, mellow notes would fill the room like warm honey, each chord carefully played, each song a testament to years of practice. and, of course, yuuji noticed.

"papa," yuuji announced one day, struggling to drag nanami’s acoustic guitar across the floor, the instrument’s body screeching horribly against the tiles. “i wanna be a moosician like you!” nanami, cringing at the sacrilegious sound of his beloved guitar being manhandled, managed a tight smile. "that’s great, yuuji. but maybe we should start with something… smaller."

and so, enter the ukulele. a tiny, four-stringed instrument that seemed perfectly sized for yuuji’s chubby little hands. yuuji took to it immediately, strumming with all the enthusiasm of a rockstar playing a sold-out concert at madison square garden. "TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAaaaRRRRR!" he belted out in a voice that could only be described as beautifully tone-deaf. "HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU AaaaREEEE!"

you tried to hide your smile behind your hand as yuuji’s fingers fumbled clumsily over the strings, creating a unique version of the song that could only be described as experimental jazz. nanami, sipping his coffee with the resignation of a man who knew he’d never experience silence again, watched as his son poured his entire soul into the performance.

"up above the world so high! like a diamond… in the… pie?" yuuji paused, face scrunching in confusion. "no… in the sky!"

nanami chuckled softly. "almost, yuuji."

but the grand finale was yet to come. as yuuji reached the dramatic end, he went for a flourish, fingers flying wildly over the strings—and the ukulele pick slipped from his fingers, disappearing into the sound hole with a soft thunk.

there was a moment of silence. yuuji blinked down at the instrument, poking a chubby finger inside. 

"papa… it ate my pick."

you snorted, trying to hold back a laugh, while nanami set down his coffee, hiding his grin behind his hand.

"papa, is it hungry? do i need to feed it more picks?"

nanami shook his head. "no, yuuji. we just have to get it out."

"okay!" yuuji turned the ukulele upside down, shaking it violently, tiny brows furrowed in concentration. "give it back, you bad ukey-lely!"

you finally let out a giggle, watching as nanami tried to calm yuuji down, showing him how to gently retrieve the pick instead of waterboarding the poor instrument. and later, when the ukulele was pick-free and yuuji was tucked in for the night, you glanced over at nanami, who was softly strumming his guitar in the dim light of the living room.

"i think he gets his musical talent from you," you murmured. nanami chuckled, plucking a gentle melody. “he certainly gets the enthusiasm.” 

you leaned into his side, a soft smile playing on your lips. "and the dramatics."

he hummed, fingers dancing over the strings. "we’ll work on the lyrics next."

from his room, yuuji’s voice called out, "papa, can i sing twinkle twinkle again tomorrow?"

nanami sighed, setting his guitar down. "of course, yuuji. every night if you want."

"yay!"

and though it meant endless nights of off-key lullabies and missing ukulele picks, nanami couldn’t help but think that, these were the moments he’d remember forever.

plus, he figured he could write a pretty great song about it one day.

[wosoloml]

crawling back to you II leah williamson x reader

warnings: toxic, hidden relationship, jealousy, angst

summary: After hiding their relationship for years because Leah was still in the closet, they eventually broke up. Yet, they always found their way back into each others lives.

wc: 1,3k I based on this request

"it´s been two years, Leah. Why are you still referring to me as your best friend and roommate to your teammates? You didn´t even tell Keira about me?! She's your best friend!" I yelled at Leah, more out of frustration than anger. I'm so tired of hiding this relationship, of hiding myself behind the 'best friend´ label.

leah being in the cloest was never a problem for me - for us. But since rumours about her dating her male best friend were a thing it as hard to keep everything private. Growing up in milton keynes it was hard to be openly gay.

"Y/n you know its hard for me to tell everyone we are dating. We both know how they reacted after Keira came out to them. She still suffers from it and i dont wanna experience it please undertstand that." leah tries to explain her situation to me and i wish i could understand her the way i want to. But im too hurt.

"I should understand you? Have you ever tried to understand me? I can't do this anymore, Leah. You deserve someone who can handle this - but I can't. I'm sorry, Lee. It's for the best if we break up."

I say the words with tears in my eyes, my voice barely holding steady. It's a hard decision, but itt's one I have to make.

Being with Leah from the time I was 14 to now, at 17, has meant everything to me. I'm so grateful for the past three years, but I just can't do this anymore.

---------

"Y/N, I BOUGHT US TICKETS FOR THE NEXT GAME AT JOIE STADIUM!"

My girlfriend's excited voice echoes through our shared apartment. It's been seven months since I moved to Manchester and three months since we started living together.

"I'm already excited!" I shout back while checking who City's opponent is. Of course - it's Arsenal.

It feels strange to be thinking about football again, especially after breaking up with Leah almost a year ago. But maybe she's not even playing anymore.

Little did I know, she's been captaining the squad for the past year.

Our seats are incredible, giving us a perfect view of the pitch. As the teams walk out, my eyes immediately land on the captain's armband wrapped around Leah's arm. A strange sense of pride swells in my chest. Playing for the Gunners - leading them - had been her dream since she joined the club so many years ago. Seeing her live that dream now brings an unshakable smile to my face.

My thoughts are interrupted when my girlfriend starts chanting loudly, her passion for the game contagious. For a moment, I forget my ex is even on the pitch.

I never told Sarah about my past with a certain blonde Arsenal player.

I could feel Leah's eyes on me the entire game.

A part of me wanted to tease her, so every time she came over to take a corner, I laughed extra loud at whatever Sarah said or kissed her deeply-just to make a point.

I wanted her to see what it felt like to be in a relationship that didn't have to be hidden. To know how beautiful it is to be loved loudly and openly.

Later that evening, my phone buzzed.

leahwilliamson wants to send you a message. My heart started racing. My eyes widened as I read her message.

'Cute little show you put on earlier today.'

I had no idea how to respond to that, so I just sent back a few question marks. It didn't take long for her to reply.

'The way you laughed extra loud at whatever that girl said. The way you kissed her while checking to see if I was watching. I don't care, Y/N' . My blood starts to boil.

----

"Y/N!!"

I snap out of my thoughts as my coworker calls my name. I hurry over to the counter, my eyes widening.

'Can you serve them? I need to make a quick call.'

I manage a nod, but then I notice here - Leah. Sitting in my cafe. With another girl.

I take a deep breath, forcing a polite smile. "Hey, what can I get for you?" I ask, keeping my tone professional.

Leah smirks. "ll have a matcha latte. And what about you, babe-?" She turns to the girl beside her. "A flat white, please. Thank you" the girl says with a warm smile.

I already don't like her.

"Give me one second"

I know exactly why Leah is here - to get under my skin. And it's working. But beneath the teasing, beneath the smug attitude, it just hurts.

Seeing her be so open, so affectionate with someone else. calling her pet names, touching her without hesitation - it stings in a way I can't ignore.

Whenever we were out together, she barely even said my name, let alone held my hand. Now, she's making sure I see how different things are.

Every time I glance at their table, Leah is already looking at me, eyes filled with something I can't quite place. But I do notice how touchy she is, how overly flirty she's being.

And it makes my blood boil. I text her 'now we are even'. Her eyes darkened as she read the message.

-------

The club was alive with loud music, the clink of glasses, and the smell of sweaty bodies. It was my best friend's 25th birthday, and we decided to celebrate it in our hometown, London. I was also hoping it would serve as a distraction from my recent breakup. After two years of dating Sarah, she ended things last weekend because I couldn't bring myself to tell her I loved her. It's not that I didn't care about her or that I wasn't in love, but things felt different. The only woman I will ever truly love is Leah. Forever.

Suddenly, someone bumped into me, spilling their drink all over my shirt. "Oh god, I'm sorry!" They said as I looked up, meeting their eyes. It was Leah. Who else could it be?

"I didn't know you were here" she said, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, it's Anna's birthday today, and I thought Id come back to London for the occasion" I replied. "What about you?"

Leah seemed taken aback by how easily I kept the conversation going. "Actually, we won the league today. It was the last game of the season against Aston Villa, and we won."

The conversation flowed naturally, and then, unexpectedly, she asked THE question.

"So, is your girlfriend here?" she asked.

"No,†I said "we are not together anymore." "Oh, really? Im sorry to hear that. Funny enough, my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago" she replied, a look of surprise crossing her face. I was stunned, my eyes widening in disbelief. The tension between us shifted, and an unfamiliar but unmistakable feeling of missing her washed over me.

After that, we kept texting and even FaceTimed a few times. The vibe was strange but oddly familiar, as though we had never stopped talking, despite having broken up over 3.5 years ago. Nothing had really changed.

---------

"Happy one year, baby!" Leah greeted me with breakfast in bed and the most beautiful bouquet of red roses. I couldn't have been happier with her by my side.

Even though she had a game on our anniversary , it didn't make the day any less special. I cheered her on from the 'Friends and Family' section, proudly wearing her name on the back of my Arsenal jersey. When she scored the winning goal, she celebrated by making a special gesture just for me.

Right person, right time.

[redwinelew]

too busy being yours | lewis hamilton

teammate + driver!reader

summary inspired by hozier's cover of do i wanna know

word count 4.4k

warnings 18+ content. angry/hate sex. choking. oral (f receiving), praise kink. kinda angsty a bit. i tried to make this neutral so it could be mercedes!lewis or ferrari!lewis. unedited bcs i couldn't be bothered. many grammatical errors. english is not my first language.

author's note i hate how fucking long this is bcs it was supposed to be a short blurb but i got too carried away as i always do. this fic drained me so idk if it's any good but i hope u guys enjoy

masterlist | requests are CLOSED!

this is just sex, you said to yourself the first time lewis was fucking you after your overtake in miami causing him to lose his chance at getting a podium.

"you kept pissing me off since the day we met, you know," he said as he wrapped his large inked hand around your throat, your head turned to one side and your cheek pressed hard floor of his driver's room.

a tear escaped your eyes as they rolled back, his cock ramming into you. he gave you so little time to adjust to his size and it burned. he was bigger than anyone you have ever taken, combined with the way he was choking you, the brutal pace of his cock ramming inside you, it was pain mixed with pleasure. you never felt like this is with anyone else, and it made the experience better all together.

"so— you couldn't— fuck. you couldn't stop— thinking about me since then? is that what— you're saying?" you sassed him back.

he almost didn't make you cum that day.

for some reason, somehow you have always expected things to end like this between the two of you. not that you think about him bending your knees to your chest and fucking you hard until you see stars and all you could think about was how deep he is inside you on daily basis but it has become some fort of tradition for you two to get on each other's nerves every week, and he looks like the type who would let out his frustration with sex. it was like it was bound to happen.

the second time it happened, you tell yourself that he was just trying to make you feel better, after you crashed against alex albon in japan.

"let me take care of you." he assured, sinking to his knees in your hotel room's floor. his hands were spreading your legs wide for him to bury his face in between them.

you propped yourself on your elbows, wanting to watch him and you swore you never thought he could be this gentle with you after what happened in his driver's room. his thick lips smeared long, wet kisses all over your thighs, eyes stay locked with yours, taking in your reaction. your chest heaved and you released a shaky breath, throwing your head back the moment his tongue dived into your sensitive parts.

he was going slow, careful of your injuries but not too slow that he was depriving you of that high. his tongue moved in the most articulate ways, fingers pumping in and out like he just knew what would makes you click and shatter. as if he was already a pro at at the art of pleasuring you, despite this being his first time putting his tongue on you.

"i want to hear you," he lifted his head for a split second to say, half a whisper after he noticed how you were, how you were biting your bottom lip, trying to suppress the sinful sounds from escaping your lips.

"someone— might hear—"

"i wanna hear you." he repeated, firm but gently. "please, sweetie. i wanna hear you fall apart for me."

when your eyes met his, somehow it was clear that this was not the same man who had fucked you hard on the floor of his driver's room a few weeks ago. his eyes were different. you hoped your own were not deceiving you because you could swore it was filled with a different kind of lust compared to the first time.

noticing your hesitation, he took your hand and brought it to his head, gesturing you to guide him by grabbing his braids.

"come on. show me what you like. i want to know."

"i want to know."

you wanted to argue that he didn't have any reason to. why should he know how to eat you out until your body shook from pleasure and your eyes see stars? why should he know how to flick his tongue in ways that would make his name the only word you could remember? having lewis hamilton, the seven time formula 1 world champion on his knees with his head in between your legs is not something that would ever happen again, no.

but you found yourself spreading your legs a little bit further, trying to make your body relaxed and comfortable on the hotel bed. you gathered his braids since his hair tie has gone somehow, and he let you. he dived back to your clit, and groaned, loving the way you guided him in order to help you reach your peak.

he made you cum twice with his tongue and fingers. then with his cock, and again it was different from the first time. he let you stare into his big brown eyes, his braids hung like curtains on either side of his face as his bare frame towered over your naked body, your legs locked around his waist.

he was thrusting into you slow and deep, like he wanted you to feel every inch of him, to draw those little gasps of yours he was starting to get obsessed with. he wanted to see your eyes flutter as he hits that sweet spot inside you, the one that would make you utter his name like a prayer.

you tried to focus more on the pleasure he was bringing and less on the fact that this felt like he was making love to you. because it couldn't. that word should be forbidden from both your lips and his. this was not love. he was only fucking you this slow and this gentle because you got into a crash. he was afraid he could cause more serious injuries to you even though there wasn't even any to begin with.

the third time, it was after you and him achieved podium together but that race was a bit different than the other. a historic 1-2 at your team's home race, the first since you joined the team. a win with lewis here was something you were determined to happen since the beginning of the season and it finally came true.

your lips never lacked a smile since you crossed the checkered flag with lewis behind you. the long, tight hug that you two shared, especially the way he was burying his face in the crook of your neck, his hand rubbing your back and the way tears were streaming down your cheeks were definitely one of the most talked-about topics among fans that week. but you couldn't care any less. a lot has happened for you personally. you were unable to give your 100% when the season starts, and a bunch of DNFs and crashes did not help your case either. podium started to feel like a distant dream. you thought about the fact that your contract was ending this year and had not been renewed yet. you needed this win and thankfully it proved something to the team. you wanted them to forget about finding a new driver to replace you next year because the old you were still here. struggling with a new car design is something common among formula 1 drivers. lewis knew it all too well.

that is why he cannot stop praising you that night.

"you did great, sweetie. you were amazing." he said with each slow thrust of his cock, earning soft sighs from your lips. his strong arms were cradling your face, forcing you to meet his gaze.

"you— you were great too." you said, trying to redirect it to him, hating the way your cheeks grew warm at his praise. you've spent so much time arguing and getting on each other's nerves that being praised by him felt strange though not unwelcome. in fact, you hated how much you loved it. hated how it was the only thing that you crave to hear from his pretty mouth from now on. no more bickerings. no more quick retorts. just his sweet tongue making you feel good about yourself, verbally and physically.

"no, no. this is about you. you did great. you deserved every bit of this. don't you?" you delt him slowing down. you bit your bottom lip, too overwhelmed by his intense gaze to say anything.

"i asked you a question, sweetie." he demanded an answer, keeping his tone soft. his voice was barely a whisper.

"i— mhmm.... please.... move." was all you could say instead as you turned your head, trying to hide from his gaze. you never felt so small. this feelings burned.

"answer my question, first. you did great, didn't you? sweet girl?"

you whimper pathetically at the new nickname, letting him grab your chin to meet his eyes once again.

"i didn't..... early on. i wasn't doing good." you say quietly. you don't know why that was in your mind at the time. you should be enjoying the day, that moment. your win, the way he was filling you up to the brim. nothing else matters. what more could you asked for?

except maybe more assurance from him. that this win was not because of luck. was purely your hard work. was because you fucking deserved it.

"that's normal, sweetie. they made a lot of upgrades and improvements this year, didn't they? it's normal to take time to readjust to some changes. don't beat yourself up for it. you're a great driver. everybody knows that. i knew it."

why the fuck do you feel like a rookie right now? you didn't need to hear all that. you've been in this sport for years. you've moved teams, dealt with the fact that you had driven and struggled with far shittier cars. but why did lewis' words make you feel slightly better, deep down? why did he make me feel relaxed enough to unclench your jaw and to drop your tensed shoulders? how did he know exactly what you needed to hear? how did he manage to read you so well?

"y-yeah." you nod breathlessly, agreeing, especially when he finally moved his hips again, but it wasn't enough to make you reach that peak again and he knew it.

"repeat after me: i deserve this."

"lewis—"

"say it or you're not cumming tonight."

you swallowed, lips trembling. as threatening as it soundes, you knew lewis didn't mean that. but still, he's a man of his words. you didn't want to risk the perfect night you and him are having.

and maybe, just maybe, you start listening to his words. you start pushing away all those negative thoughts that were trying to drown your victory today.

"i...." you take a deep breath. "i deserve this."

"louder." he demanded again as he shifted between your hips, gripping your thighs tighter, his eyes never wavered from yours.

"i deserve this." you did as he commanded, with a much firmer tone, like you really mean it.

because you did. you fucking deserve this win. this team. this life. him.

"you did great today." lewis started fucking you again deeply, not hurried with his pace.

"i did great today." you gasped.

"that's my good girl."

you're his good girl.

he kissed you that night, for the first time ever, which surprised you when you thought about it again. the first time you two fucked, you never get to so much as a glance at his lips because of the position he got you in. second time, the thought did cross your mind, making you wonder how would his lips which was sucking on your clit at the time felt when they're pressed against yours instead. how he would devour you like you're all he needs to survive. how his tongue would taste in your mouth.

and it was sweet. long and passionate. better than your wildest dreams. it felt so natural, the way his lips moved against yours in a perfect synchronization. as if they were made to have this dance together.

you whimpered into his mouth when you came, and he drank it all up, swallowing your cry, big hands cupping your cheeks. it was heaven.

until you fell back to earth, to reality, when you realized that like every other thing in this world, what you have with lewis right now, whatever the hell he wants to call it, it will not last forever.

how long are you two going to keep this up? pretending like you hated each other's guts during the day, only to be tangled up under the covers at night? how long until everybody in the garage, fans on the internet notice your stolen glances? how you two always tries to stand a few feet apart, not because the mere sight of each other disgusted you both, but because you are afraid that you were not able to keep this facade up any longer. that you might say fuck it and jump to each other's arm to celebrate another podium. or rushing to ask your race engineer if the other was okay after a crash.

you remembered an interview lewis did. with which magazine, it doesn't matter but what he talked about was. that he wants to have a family, to have kids. it sticks in your mind, every word in the article you already have them memorized. only one question is left.

is that woman you, or is this just another fling to him?

you need to know, need to put an exact label to this thing you get going on with lewis right now or else it might drive you crazy. you cannot keep letting him in, cannot let him whisper another one of those promises in your ear, each time you let him have his way raw with you, if they all meant nothing to him. he might not seem like the type, but you cannot let yourself lost in the uncertainty. better to end this now before it's too late.

you glanced at his sleeping figure on your right on your hotel bed. another night spent together, without knowing where this stands for him. was it all just for fun, his way to release his frustration? it'd be fair, since you never exactly made it easy for him to have you as his teammate. or did it actually mean something to him, deep inside, only he is too afraid to say it?

you shift to your side, staring at his beautiful face. you snuggle up closer, tangling up your legs with his under the covers, needing to go feel his heat, as if this is the last time you will ever get to be this close to him.

it could be.

your hand goes to push his braids behind his ear, cupping his cheek before running your rhumb across his cheekbone and he stirs a bit, a sigh left his thick lips and you feel his hand on your hip tenses a little before he relaxes again. he's absolutely breathtaking, when the pressure of winning his eighth championship isn't occupying his mind. the way his long lashes flutter in his sleep. two piercings decorating his nose. giant lion tattoo on his chest exposed, besides the most obvious parts down there, all for you to see.

something inside you cannot help but wonder.... do other girls get to see him like this too? how many of them? do they get to touch him like this as well? does he enjoy it? does he whisper to their ears the same thing as he did to you?

your heart clenches but then you quickly tell yourself. of course he does. of course they do. it would be a fool of you to think otherwise. who do you think you are, besides a teammate who has been giving him a hard time ever since you two were paired together? a woman he's using to release all of his frustration on? you are nothing but those. do not think that the great formula 1 champion lewis hamilton would make an exception for you. do not pretend like this "relationship" would have a future.

but then, another part of your brain reminds you, trying to ease your nerves. he wouldn't stay every night, probably wouldn't even let you have your orgasms, wouldn't even think about getting on his knees for the woman he hates with every fiber of his being, if this was meaningless for him.

you wanted to move, when he suddenly stirs again. a groan left his lips.

"what time is it?" he asks in that deep, sleepy tone of his, eyes still shut. his accent is always more apparent in the morning.

"almost seven." you say flatly, removing your hand from his face, laying on your back again, your face turns away.

lewis senses the shift in your behavior somehow. his thick eyebrows meet in a knot, before his eyes open. he lays on his back as well, stretching his body a bit, feeling every single muscle in his body sore, before sitting on the bed. you take a peak at him, the way his muscular body bathe in the sunlight seeping through the room through the gaps between the curtains. he takes his hair tie from his wrist, gathering his braids before tying them back together again lowly. his tattooed back visible to you, with lightning-shaped patterns caused by your sharp nails from last night. you bite your lip at the sight, at your poor, desperate attempt to mark him as yours.

it's useless.

he will never be.

a deep exhale escapes from his lips before he glances at you momentarily, eyes raking over the visible outline of your naked figure under the white covers, taking in your sudden cold demeanor.

"did i hurt you?" lewis asks, voice laced with concern.

yes, in a way, you wanted to say. but instead you keep quiet. wouldn't it be nice if you could just freeze, trying not to move, and you'd shrink, disappear from here forever? not having to face him anymore, nor that one painful fact that you have tried to forget. if only life is easy that way.

he calls your name, gently, and it still feels foreign to you, the way your name leaves softly from his lips. you were used to him barking, hissing it. like your name is poisonous, disgusting to him in the garage. never would you have thought he would whispers it so calmly, moaning it even.

he calls again, and you cannot ignore him this time. you turn your head, meeting his eyes tiredly.

"i'm fine—"

"no, you're not." he cuts you off, and it almost angers you. how would he know how you really feel? he doesn't know anything about you besides how to make you come. he doesn't know your favorite food, your favorite colour. you want him to stop pretending like he's got you all figured out.

"i...." you sigh. "i don't wanna talk about this right now, please."

lewis raises an eyebrow. "you know that answer will only make me even more curious now, right? just tell me."

when you stay silent, still refusing to meet his eyes, lewis tries to guess himself.

"is it about last night? did i hurt you? please, tell me. i can't...." his sentence trails away when you shake your head slowly at his guess.

you bite your lip again, harder, before sitting up as well, pulling the white covers to conceal your bare chest. your eyes stare into a corner blankly, nails scratching the back of your neck as your mind tries to put together the words you have been dying to say to him ever since what happened in his driver's room.

"it's not just last night.... it's the previous nights. it's every other night we spent. together. i don't...." you gulp thickly, suddenly at loss for words. you have been thinking about this moment for so long, you hate yourself for not being able to be straight now.

"sweetie...."

"what are we, lewis?"

pause.

"what?" he asks back, his face all scrunched up, eyebrows tie up like he didn't even process your question.

you take a deep, shaky breath, before finally, finally looking at him in the eyes.

"i mean, what are we? what is this?"

"what is wha—" he chuckles with a nervous look on his face, probably wondering what the hell has gotten into you this early in the morning that made you asked these questions.

you try your best not to roll your eyes at his clueless face. you wish he could just skip these acts, pretending like he doesn't know exactly what you're talking about. you want to move to the part where he confirms what you have known all this time.

"please, just be honest with me. i don't want to waste my time anymore and i'm sure you—"

"no, hey— wait a second. what is this— what the hell are you—"

"i asked you first!" you say impatiently, raising your voice a little, which startles lewis but you wish you could say that you care. every second spent with him feels like you should have been using it to do something else, with somebody else and you might have a future with.

"what are we, lewis?" you repeat, firmly this time and louder so the question seeps through his mind.

pause.

"all these nights we've spent together.... did they mean anything to you? like at all? i need you to be honest with me because if this is all just for fun to you then you can find someone else—"

"i don't want someone else." he cuts you off. the suddenness of it combined with the firmness of his voice catches you off guard. but you are not about to let it distract you.

"well that's too damn bad because i'm not here to be one of your girls—"

"me neither." a beat. "i just want you to be the only girl."

pause.

"what the hell does that mean?"

"it means...." a sigh from him. "that i am a coward who should have told you how i really felt from the beginning."

his voice is getting shakier as he continues. "you drive me crazy since you first joined this team but then i realized that i love how it feels, as long as it was you who makes me feel this way."

you gulp at his smooth words, trying to keep yourself together. this is lewis hamilton, 7 times formula 1 world champion. his name itself is bigger than the sport. he knows how to make people fall to their knees in his presence. you do not want to be one of them, cannot allow yourself to be.

lewis takes a deep breath, and you find yourself holding yours.

"the only kind of girl i want you to be is mine."

pause.

"you...." you shudder. "you can't just say that. like it means nothing."

part of you are relieved somehow that he feels that way. that this was not meaningless to him. but you did not expect another type of feeling to enter the conversation. or maybe you did, only you refuse to think about it. because the mere thought of lewis falling in love with you as this goes on feels impossible to happen.

"i wouldn't if that's the case." he says, quick and confidently. "I'm in love with you, sweetie."

"i...." he stammers suddenly. "it's been a while since i was in love, i almost forgot how it feels. it was after our team's home race that i realized it. that night. it felt good to be like that with you. i remembered how i wanted to spend every night like that with you. not just the sex but the lengthy conversations we had after. and the way you felt in my arms when you fell asleep, i.... i just want to hold you like that every night. i can't get enough. you've made me a mad man, love."

oh, love.

you chew on your bottom lip, not knowing what to say, how to react. you didn't expect a confession, never would have dreamt of those four letter words to leave his lips while talking to you. mine. love.

or maybe you did. you think about moments that you two spent alone together, besides having him inside you that you shared and you find yourself loving every single second. sharing stories, your passions. you realized how much you enjoy hearing his rambles and wishing that you could hear more, that he would share more. something deeper, more personal.

"we can't." you say without thinking.

lewis clenches his jaw, huffing in frustration.

"why not? because you think the team wouldn't approve? or the fans?" he quickly guesses, like he already knew the excuses you'd give.

"i'd only accept rejection from you if you yourself do not want this. not because of the team or our publicists or— or the fans. because who cares what those people have to say? this is our lives, not theirs. do not let other people dictate how you feel." he says firmly.

"i'm not." you retort just as fast. "because i do feel the same."

you see how he releases a heavy breath after hearing your own confession, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulder. a relief.

"i just need to know if you are serious about going public. it's a big step. how long have we been rivals publicly? and then suddenly we're dating? how would that look?"

he smiles tinily.

"i'm sure it wouldn't be a surprise to them. maybe deep down they know you've always wanted me."

"oh, me?" you roll your eyes at him while pointing at yourself. "alright, sir lewis 'you've made me a mad man' hamilton. sure. i wanted you first. definitely not the other way around."

he chuckles this time, his white teeth on full display before he closes the distance between you two.

"keep talking and i'll show you how mad you truly have made me." he says in a low, sultry voice.

and you did. and he kept his promise. you two ignored the fact that you have a qualification today, or how purposely loud you are being. you know you'd be too embarrassed to actually face the other drivers who stay in this same hotel after today but when lewis was fucking you deep and slow but hard as a way to prove his devotion to you, you cannot exactly say that you care about anything else in that moment.

[neiptune]

like real people do

cw: 2.8k wc, female reader, friends to lovers, literally black cat x labrador dynamic, you showed up one day and are still part of his life, it’s an axiom he would never expect to change. until one day you meet his brother for the first time and rin shits himself

“We should hang out tomorrow. Are you free?”.

“No”.

You frown.

“Would you have said yes, if you were?”.

Rin takes a moment to reply.

“Probably not”.

The grin you offer right away doesn’t surprise him, if anything it makes him roll his eyes with fake exasperation.

“I love how you never change”.

He nudges your shoulder with his arm, hands buried in the pockets of an expensive coat.

“You’re annoying”.

“I know, it’s my whole thing. You kinda agreed to it when you accepted me as a friend”.

“I never did such thing. You showed up one day and never left”.

Your giggle echoes across the empty street and Rin finds himself basking in your usual affection, something he’s well aware he hardly deserves.

It’s true, though. One day, back in high school, you were assigned to the same group project with two other classmates and that’s when the information of being in the same class in the first place was presented to him. You talked too much and smiled too often but when it came to doing actual work, you turned into a weirdly serious, responsible student. Instantly, too. Which would’ve been an interesting aspect of your personality, if he so much as cared.

You both ended up being the only two putting in real work to finish the project but the only thing Rin could think of was that he was relieved his perfect grades could stay perfect despite the dead weight. Except, you didn’t leave him alone ever since, apparently happy (always way too happy) to have found a new friend. He doesn’t remember how many times, throughout his high school years, he had to repeat that you two were not friends. Over and over again, the deterrent had failed miserably.

Rin has kinda made peace with your presence in his life by now, despite adulthood and your careers playing a significant role in keeping you apart, whenever he visits his hometown you’re there and whenever you happen to be where he is, you insist on seeing him. Stubborn as he’s always been, in his own mind Rin stands his ground that there’s nothing tragically wrong in allowing you to consider him your friend, still. There’s also nothing particularly dramatic in letting himself indulge in someone else’s obstinate fondness.

You’re a good person, he knows that much. Patient, generous, always the first to offer help and the last to ask for anything. You’re stupid. And gullible. Way too easy to take advantage of. It’s why he, to this day, still keeps an eye on you, walks you home in the middle of the night, doesn’t shut the door like he’d do with anyone else when you show up uninvited to his house. Sometimes he brings you something too, little mementos from his travels that hold no real meaning, despite the way your eyes shine with wonder when he begrudgingly hands them to you.

Rin knows you like him. Or at least you used to, so many years ago. He remembers hearing you confessing the secret to one of your closest friends. You never really told him, a good person but still too proud to give him the satisfaction of rejecting you, stood by his side when no one else would put up with his pissy attitude, always disregarding your feelings. Even when he had girlfriends you were there, feigning nonchalance. Stupid. He remembers how he immaturely tried to get you to admit it, shared petty details of his dates, told you he thought he was falling in love with other girls. Your smile barely faltered.

Why did you do that to yourself all that time, he still wonders. But then again he’d have to ask himself why his impatience, or rather lack of understanding, led him to kiss you when you were both visiting your families for the holidays, back from college.

Rin remembers the snow, the umbrella you were holding trying to clumsily cover him too. He remembers you were babbling some nonsense about how proud you were of him, of his career, the way you always knew he was destined to great things, his blue lock jersey still stored safely in the back of your closet. Rin remembers the way he took your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours, dry and chapped from the cold. Was that truly the only way to get you to shut up? He doesn’t know. He just knows he didn’t expect you to take a step back, thank him for walking you home. The kiss was never mentioned again, the following day you acted like it never happened and he was glad he could carry on without the burden of weird expectations. Well, almost completely glad.

He didn’t kiss you because he liked you or desired something as unnecessary as a relationship, he’s sure of that. He just wanted to, in that moment. A stupid whim. And if the urge of shutting you up in the softest way has possessed him multiple times after that day and throughout the years, out of mere curiosity or simple convenience, he’s never really admitted it to himself. 

You showed up one day, never left, are still part of his life. It’s an axiom he’d never expect to change. Perhaps he finds some comfort in it.

“You really can’t hang out tomorrow? ”, you’re doing that thing you always do when you’re disappointed, furrowed brows over big eyes that are rapidly losing their usual glow as you blink a few times. He sighs.

“I really can’t”.

“How long are you in town for?”.

“A few days”, he pauses for a second, then decides to concede, “we’ll have plenty of time”.

The way your lips immediately curl into a sweet smile almost makes him crack one too. Rin also loves how you never change.

“Oooh, you wanna hang out with me so bad!”.

“Shut up”.

“We’ll have plenty of time! Because I’m your best friend in the whole, entire world!”.

“Now you’re really pushing it”.

You laugh again, something tender settling over your features. He once more recognizes the affection in your gaze and has to look away.

Rin has hated October 10 for as long as he can remember.

It wasn’t always like that, as a kid it was a special day he got to celebrate his favorite person on. His brother went from being his personal hero and best friend, to a stranger he couldn’t recognize, to an adult he tries to have a decent relationship with, now. Still, October 10 is a hassle. If Sae is in town, something he tries to do for their sake, their parents always insist on having a small birthday celebration at home.

His mother spends hours decorating the living room, orders a cake so big it would require at least ten additional guests, they have so many gifts ready and wrapped by the table. For the past few years, Rin has been getting his brother a gift too. Not exactly a peace offering but the promise of getting there, perhaps.

It infuriates him that Sae still acts perfectly normal around him, never hostile, indifferent at best. They barely talk to each other but Rin doesn’t want to spend his entire life seething, he doesn’t want for one single feeling to define him anymore. So he also accepts the birthday gifts his brother sends him on September 9.

It’s just a day, he mentally repeats, it will be over soon. But he doesn’t expect the doorbell to ring, everything has already been delivered and they didn't invite anyone.

Rin certainly doesn’t expect you, standing on his doorstep with a million dollar smile and clearly hiding something behind your back.

“What are you doing here?”, he’s frozen, in disbelief. You’re not supposed to be there.

“Surprise!”, you grin, “look what I finally found!”.

You’re suddenly holding something so close to his face he has to take a moment to focus to understand what he’s looking at. It’s a horror game, one he’s looked everywhere for because they don’t sell those anymore. Rin only mentioned it once but of course you mentally took note and conducted your own, personal research. It must’ve costed you a fortune. You’re such an idiot.

“It’s not a good time”, he takes a step back, hoping you’ll get the hint and do the same. Your smile falls.

“I know. I just wanted to drop this off. Here”, you hand him the neatly packed gift. Rin takes it, then meets your gaze for a second. He wants to say something, apologize, but you’ve already turned your back to him and are quickly granting his wish of being left alone. He asks himself how much patience you have left, how close you are to abandoning him and his asshole ways for good.

“Who are you?”.

Rin freezes a second time, the voice behind him so close and oddly interested. You stop in your tracks, whip around to look at someone who isn’t him. Something hard flashes across your features but it’s quickly whisked away when you offer one of your usual, polite smiles.

“No one, I was just passing by”.

Something inside Rin cracks. No one? You can hardly ever shut up about being his friend. 

Sae hums.

“You should come in. There’s extra cake”.

When their mom catches sight of you, she also invites you in and there’s really no turning back from that. You’re too well mannered, too acquainted with his family to refuse. So you indulge them.

From the kitchen, he observes something he never thought would (or should) happen. Sae, the most infuriatingly detached, impassive person on the planet, is sitting next to you on the couch, where you’re making polite conversation. He’s listening. Rin knows he’s listening because he keeps his eyes on you, stance relaxed. Who knows what nonsense you’re rambling about this time, unfinished cake in the paper plate balanced on your knees. He says something, you chuckle. Rin focuses on his own unfinished cake, suddenly nauseous.

All these years, this is the one thing he didn’t want to happen, you meeting his brother. It’s petty and childish and Rin isn’t even quite sure why the desire to keep you from him has burned ardently this entire time but the fact that his efforts have vanished in the space of one afternoon brings a strange weariness.

By the time you excuse yourself, his parents are begging you to stay over for dinner. You refuse, thank them, thank Sae the most and wish him the happiest birthday. He dismisses your formality with the vague wave of a hand, says he hopes to meet you again. You smile sweetly.

“There’s no need”.

Rin ignores your objection similarly to how you ignored him the entire afternoon, finishes buttoning up his coat instead. He always walks you home and today will be no exception.

The silence between you two is so uncharacteristic it irritates him, to the point of affliction. Are you that upset with him? Ah, the magic must’ve finally flickered out.

“So, how was it?”, he spitefully pushes, “meeting the legendary brother”.

You keep your gaze on the street.

“It was okay”.

Rin scoffs.

“Just okay? You two really hit it off”.

“He was kind to me”.

“I’m sure he was”.

You finally stop in your tracks to look at him.

“Just because we’re friends it doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole all the time, you know”.

Rin stops too, lips parted, breath condensating into a tiny cloud by his mouth. The serious look you’re fixing him with makes his shoulders slump ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry”, he murmurs. Your gaze softens and he hates it, how easy it is for you to cut him some slack.

“Can you tell me what’s really wrong, Rin?”.

He feels like throwing up.

“Nothing is wrong”.

You hum, pensive, take the time to kick a tiny rock with the tip of your boot.

“I really think you should give yourself some grace. You deserve some peace”.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”.

“It means you’re so focused on protecting yourself from imaginary threats, you can’t see”.

“See what?”.

You offer a sad smile.

“How bright you shine”.

Rin is so taken aback he doesn’t know what to say, surprise paralyzing his entire body. He hasn’t felt like this in a while, perhaps years. It’s not fair that you have access to such a vulnerable side of him, it’s not fair that he can suddenly sense a weird lump in his throat.

“I don’t shine-”, he spits the word out, disgusted.

You’re usually very careful about his boundaries, whether they’re a hoax or not. But this time? You do something you’ve never done before, roughly take his face in your cold hands to make sure he keeps his gaze on you instead of avoiding it like a coward.

“You shine, Rin. I’m so tired of you being the only one refusing to see it. You’re the most resilient, talented, hardworking person I know. You did good. But the challenge is over, there is no war anymore, you don’t have to persist in this stubborn seclusion”, your eyes are suddenly wet, tears precariously collecting in your lash line, “you get to rest, now. Please, be proud of yourself and rest. There’s nothing to be on your guard against”.

He doesn’t remember his heart ever squeezing as painfully in his chest before, the urge to take your face in his hands making the pads of his fingers itch. He doesn’t remember the last time he came so close to let a few tears fall.

He’s gonna take you too. Just like he takes everything from me.

The thought takes his breath away for a moment. He feels your thumb gently stroke his cheek.

“You’re the legendary brother to me, anyway”, you smile, then sniffle.

Has he split himself wide open for you or are you simply that good at reading him? Rin can feel his hands shake when they fist the fabric of your plush jacket.

“Why are you telling me this?”, he can barely recognize the desperation vibrating in his own voice, “why do you even put up with me?”.

You blink a few times, astonished. Then smile again, warm and bright like the sun. Oh, he doesn’t shine, you do.

“Because I love you, obviously”.

And Rin doesn’t have to ask, doesn’t have to wonder what you mean. He knows. He’s known all this time.

“Why did you never tell me?”.

“Because you wouldn’t have let me do it in peace”, you chuckle, “you don’t like me like that so you wouldn’t have let me love you. As if I needed something in return. As if loving you as a friend couldn’t possibly be enough, anyway”.

His fingers are hurting from how tightly he’s still fisting the fabric of your jacket. It feels like his insides are exploding with a million different emotions and he doesn’t have nearly enough time to interpret them. But does he really need that, after all? Time. He’s known you for so long. 

“Stop putting up a fight, silly”, you let go of his face but flick his forehead, to which he grimaces, surprised, “let me love you. I’m your best friend in the whole, entire world after all! Who cares about your stupid brother? No wait, that came out mean, I just meant I care more about you than-”

Rin’s sudden embrace is suffocating, you’re pressed against him so tightly you genuinely struggle taking a single breath. You don’t remember him ever hugging you, the most noteworthy intentional contact you can recall is his arm around your shoulders when you insisted on taking a cute selfie, once. Every other hug, you had always initiated. His arms were always loose around you, cautious, despite his forehead often resting on your shoulder.

His clothes smell nice. He smells nice. You close your eyes, bask in a warmth so strange yet familiar. You don’t think you’ll ever love someone the way you love him.

“You’re so stupid”, Rin murmurs against your neck. With a smile, you nuzzle your face further into his chest.

“So I’ve been told”.

He thinks his heart might be seconds away from slamming itself free from his ribcage.

“Can you tell me again?”.

“What, that I don’t care about your brother? Sure, fuck Itoshi Sae. Oh no, that was also way too mean, don’t tell him I said-”

Rin pulls away abruptly, hands kept on your shoulders to keep you there or maybe to steady himself. You shut your mouth, don’t comment damp cheeks dusted with pink. It may be the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen him.

“Not that, you idiot”, his pitch is gentle, with a hint of amusement. One of his hands cradles your cheek, thumb gently skimming over your lips.

“I love you”, it comes out less bold now, timid. Something melts in his chest all the same.

“Will you pretend it never happened, if I kiss you now?”.

Your exhale is shaky.

“No”.

All these years and this is the first time you’re seeing Itoshi Rin truly, openly smile. The sight does something funny to your stomach.

“Good”.

[dissolvedprincess]

soft dom josh x reader during her period...

Comfort me

✷ cw : 18+, nsfw, vaginal fingering, period sex, gentle sex, anxious reader, fluff

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚ ꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚ ꒷︶꒷꒥꒷

“l don’t..know about this…” you looked at him a bit puzzled at his earlier statement. Wincing a little, the cramps are getting worst. You curled a bit inward on the bed.

“I mean, you trust me don’t you sweetheart?” he asked with a tilt of his head. Your heart stuttered, of course you trust him. You trust that he’d do anything for you, he’s proven that time and time again. “My poor girl” he said while stroking your head.

“Let me take care of you, make things good for you. We can stop anytime, like we always do. Just say the safe word whenever you feel uncomfortable baby.”

You looked up at him, finally making up your mind. Never in your wildest imaginations, could you ask someone to ever do this for you. Just the thought of it felt so taboo, a secret that you’ll take to your grave.

“Okay.” hesitant but the tingle that ran down your spine betrayed you.

“Okay. I’ll get a towel, hang on tight baby.” he replied with a kiss to your forehead.

You pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes to relieve the pulsing in your head. “Fuck me…What am i doing? You’re gonna gross him out…”you thought to yourself. The urge to pick at the skin around your nails was strong, but you know he wouldn’t want you to do that. So you settled with gently rubbing them.

The sound of his footsteps broke your train of thought. A towel in one hand and a pack of wet wipes in the other, always so attentive; sweet, handsome Josh. How did you get so lucky?

“Scooch over honey.”

He smoothed down the towel and arranged the pillow to a comfortable position.

“Come get comfy.” he patted the towel covered spot.

You laid down, humming when he sat on his knees between your spread legs. You felt goosebumps all over when he took off your sleeping shorts.

You grabbed his hand when he was in the middle of taking off your panties. “Josh, wait. What if- what if i gross you out?” your voice small. Searching for that look in his eyes that you frequently see on your past lovers. Always conditioned to assume the worst.

“Hey, we talked about this.” he reached over to rub his thumb on your cheek.

“You never do. I like doing things for you because i like taking care of you and because i love you. It comes naturally to me. You’re not forcing me to do anything. You got that?”

He wasn’t even finished with you and yet you already feel tears rolling down your face. Your heart swelled, emotions too big to hold in. The hand that held on tightly to his, trailed up to mirror what he’s doing to you. He leaned on your hand, always so responsive to your affections.

“Okay.” you whispered.

He finally took off your panties, you fought the urge to close your legs in shame. Both of you have fucked many times but this one was different, you’ve never felt this vulnerable and exposed before.

“Josh-“

“Relax for me baby.” he soothed. Then you felt it, the first push of a single finger. “Ohh…fuckkkk” you moaned, the relief was instant. You looked down to see him pumping in and out, in and out, feeling you out, adding to your arousal.

“Ready for another one?”

“Yeah, yeah Josh yeah.” you nod. Sounding so much more eager than you intended to. Your hands grasp the bed sheets to ground you.

You threw your head back the moment he pushed in the second finger, knuckle deep. Blushing at the vulgar sounds of his fingers parting your walls, actively silencing the voices in your head.

“Does it feel good?” he asked. A futile question, you thought as your walls clench tightly around him.

“Too good.”

You feel your back arch, “Oh my fucking god.” you gasped. He was ruthlessly hitting your g-spot. Your brain instantly turning into mush.

“Touch yourself.”

“What, huh?” you ask weakly.

“Touch yourself, i want to see you make yourself feel good.” voice steady and commanding.

You let out a soft moan as your hands trailed under your cropped t-shirt, thanking a higher power for not wearing a bra out of comfort.

“Fuck…baby.” you closed your eyes. Imagining his hands on your breasts, squeezing and pinching.

“Wet your fingers and pinch your nipples for me.” he commanded once again, fingers never stopping. You nod, submissive and pliant.

You put on a show for him. Eyes lazy, you stuck your tongue out and rubbed your fingers on your tongue, rubbing turned into sucking to further wet them. He let out an amused hum, “Good girl.”

Your back arched the moment your wet and cold fingers pinched your nipples. “Josh, I-“ The rest of your sentence is forgotten when he reached over to start rubbing soft circles on your stomach, occasionally pushing down to further feel you squeeze his fingers. “Keep going baby.” his eyes fixed on you.

“Josh-please I’m so close.” You feel his thumb press back and forth on your clit; his fingers pumped faster, never losing rhythm.

“My beautiful girl is so wet for me. You’re doing so good.”

You grab his arm, the one currently doing delightfully dirty things to you. “Oh Josh, right fucking there. Yesyesyes oh fuck, you’re so good to me baby.” you praised.

“I wanna cum baby.” you pleaded. Your loud moans devolved into soft whimpers, urging his fingers to go deeper and faster.

“Then cum.” he commanded.

The tight coil finally broke as you let out a high pitched wail. His hand ground your hips as they buck wildly.

The wet squelch of your cunt broke through your high. “Josh.” you say weakly. He leans over to give you a wet kiss. Tongue pushing itself eagerly inside your mouth. You temporarily lose yourself to the feeling of his lips sucking your tongue. The urge to go again was strong but your weak body betrayed you.

You sighed as he pulled away, satisfied. “You’re finally relaxed!” he teased. You let out a small laugh as you looked away, suddenly shy.

“I’ll help you clean up. Just lay back.”

“Mmhmm, okay.” you answered, eyes threatening to close.

“Thank you. I love you so much Josh.”

“I love you too.”

You swore you fought against it, but to no avail; your eyes closed anyway. Then you drifted off.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚ ꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚ ꒷︶꒷꒥꒷꒷︶꒷

This request has been sitting pretty in my inbox for a couple of days, apologies for the late delivery! I just got back from a road trip and i can now write freely. I hope you can still enjoy this one to the fullest! Because this one turned into a beast in the middle of writing it, when i intended it to be much much shorter. 😵‍💫

[paperyowl]

For your prompt :

I really want a story where Deacon and Rocker have a house in the same neighborhood as Luca, with extra rooms for the kids.

One day, due to some problem with her apartment, Annie and the children have to stay with Deacon and Rocker. Obviously, it’s not simple, Annie is angry/hurt...

But she attends moments that make her realize that maybe the relationship of his ex with Rocker is more "fluid" and Deacon accepts more to be helped, instead of wanting at all costs to be the provider, he talks more with Rocker and relied and him more.

One morning, for example, Lila wants to go see her father in his room, and Annie sees them sleeping, Deacon being the little spoon and embraced by Rocker, something he had never allowed himself with Annie.

A few desires in bulk, I hope that it will inspire you!

Okay so, my only thoughts about this are: four kids are A LOT. xD Don't know if I did this justice, but I tried.

+++

"I hope these are okay," Rocker said as he put the extra blankets near the foot of the bed. Or rather beds - now pushed together to make room for Annie and her two youngest. Rocker looked apologetic. "Sorry about this. I know it's not ideal - we can get something else worked out tomorrow; it's just all been a bit..."

He made a gesture with his hand that indicated the chaos that Annie only knew about distantly now. She was still part of the 50-squat family. Just no longer as David's wife.

"That's alright," Annie told him, trying for a smile. "Thank you."

He nodded, telling her dinner was almost ready. Three of her kids were downstairs while Victoria was napping in her crib. Annie would get her in a minute and join them. Matthew and Lila were apparently setting the table - or, as she knew her kids, probably resisting that particular chore. But she wasn't going to say that out loud, not to Rocker.

It didn't seem right to go for a teasing remark with him. They weren't at that stage with each other - maybe they could have been once, before the divorce. Now, there were too many variables. Like Annie's tone, which she couldn't always control around Rocker. Or his reaction.

Annie had noticed how carefully he moved around her, never quite getting too close, unfailingly polite. It's hard to remember that she isn't really angry with him - David had made this decision. They'd made it together.

She was still a little wrong-footed by the whole situation. How could she not be? But it wouldn't do to dwell on that. She could be pleasant for a day or two until she got to go back home.

When Annie made her way down the stairs with Victoria on her hip, she just saw Rocker grab a shrieking and giggling at Lila under one of his arms. It seemed like the end of a rather short game of catch.

"Let's go help your big brother," Rocker told Lila, definitely not too firm, before carrying her the rest of the way to the dining room. The way the kids seemed to take to Rocker was sweet. He was good with them.

But Annie's attention was caught by something else - namely David. He was crouched next to Samuel, who had scattered quite a few toys across the floor. But his attention was entirely on Lila and Donovan. Before Annie could entirely figure out the emotion on his face, David spotted her.

"Hi," he said. "Are you two good?"

Annie nodded, and had to stop herself from walking over to him for a kiss. This was not them anymore. The realization hurt - and it must have shown on her face, too, because David came over to her, touching her shoulder briefly in a way that almost soothed her. But not quite.

Dinner was a bit of a production - which was to be expected with four kids. But between the two of them, David and Rocker entertained the older kids.

Honestly, the whole thing about preparing dinner, setting the table, eating together - it was all very domestic. There was a rhythm to how the kids moved here, how they interacted with David in this house. With Rocker. Had it really been a whole year since the divorce?

"Did they say when they could send someone to fix the water damage?" David asked a little while later. "You can stay as long as you need to, of course."

It was an earnest offer - and when Annie glanced at Rocker, he gave her an affirming nod. There was nothing on his face that told her he wanted her gone. (A cruel voice in her mind told Annie that she'd never suspected David had already fallen in love with someone else. She knew David could keep things from her, but she also wondered how good of a liar Donovan was.)

"The husband of a good friend of mine promised to help out," Annie said. She didn't add that they were divorced, too. That seemed like unnecessary information. "I hope he can take a look the day after tomorrow."

After dinner, Deacon and Rocker waved away Annie's offer to help with the dishes. Rocker made a comment about her day having been exhausting enough, and that was true - but neither of them had signed up to host all of them on such short notice. Annie wanted to protest.

"Work your magic and get the kids to decide on a movie," David said with an expression that Annie hadn't seen on him in so long that it felt vaguely nostalgic for a different time when they'd been happy in their marriage.

But David didn't linger and followed Donovan into the kitchen.

Annie set up the kids on the couch, and they really ended up deciding on a movie - there was a whole voting system they'd made up. Thankfully, Samuel was mostly too young and too starstruck with his older sibling to protest, and of course, Victoria was happy with mostly anything that was colourful. (This, in turn, was starting to be a bit frustrating for her eldest, but for now, Annie could bridge that gap.)

She was a bit struck by how precarious the balance in her family seemed to have become. It felt like so many things were slipping through her fingers - and some were already irrevocably out of reach.

"Mommy, can we get some snacks?" Lila asked, and it really had been a long day for everyone involved. Annie got up, and wandered back to the kitchen. She was almost certain that David kept some of his kids 'favourites in the cabinets at the far end of the kitchen-

"-stand there and be pretty," Rocker said teasingly. David huffed.

"It's not that bad-"

"You tackled a man down a flight of stairs."

Annie knew nothing about this. But that thought hurt less than the idea of David hurt, so she wasn't quite sure how to feel about overhearing this - stuck between two emotions.

"Two weeks ago!"

"You're lucky you're cute."

Annie was still hidden from view, but she'd inched forward enough to see David blush, laughing at the comment.

"What's with the compliments? Are you trying a new tactic to make me agree with you?"

"Is it working?" Rocker asked, hands covered in suds almost to his ellbows-and David grabbed his face with both hands to kiss him. It was a sweet kiss, something entirely tender.

"Maybe?" David suggested that when they broke apart, it was Rocker's turn to laugh. He finished washing his hands, drying them on a towel.

"You're the most handsome, sexiest-"

"Okay, that's a little much," David interrupted, but Annie could see how pleased he was even from the doorway.

"- kindest man I know."

Rocker's voice had taken an earnest edge - and when Annie saw the way David looked at him, with his eyes softening like that, she left quickly. Her mind was chaotic with guilt - she shouldn't have listened in, even if it had been an accident.

"Did they not have any snacks?" Her daughter asked when Annie returned to the living room. She had completely forgotten about that. At least Lila was still young enough to not question when Annie claimed she'd gotten a little distracted on the way. It was almost the truth anyway.

There was one good thing about all of this: It had been a while since Annie had shared the bed with her kids like this - and they were growing so fast that she couldn't help but wonder how soon she'd lose this privilege.

It had still been early when Matthew had asked, if he could go and play in the living room - and he'd taken Samuel with him when he'd asked without Annie's encouragement. She was proud of her eldest for that.

"Can we go wake Daddy and Don?" Lila asked when she had woken up just a little later, and Annie smiled at the sweetness of her daughter.

When they snuck across the hallway, the door to the bedroom was cracked, and Annie pushed it open a little more. In the half darkness, She could see their arms overlapping, fingers interlacing. The way Rocker held David was protective - somehow, she hadn't expected that. There was a gentleness in the scene, just in what little she could see in the low light and the shapes of the room, that spoke volumes to their relationship.

It still hurt a little. Probably would for a while - but there was a soft balm in the thought that David looked more relaxed in Donovan's arms than he had looked in a long time. And last night, he'd seemed so much lighter than she knew him. Annie wanted that for him.

"They've had a couple of long days at work, darling," Annie told Lila. "Why don't we go make breakfast for them?"

A little later, when she poured Rocker a cup of coffee, Annie thought she managed a smile that was a little more genuine than the ones before. You make him happy, she thought, and I can be grateful for that.

[captain-gillian]

thank you to @thisbuildinghasfeelings for starting the fandom memories tag, i am, as always, late to this.

i've been procrastinating making this post for two reasons; firstly i didn't want to admit the show was ending, which i know sounds silly but this show has brought so much joy into my life over the last five years, i don't think I'll ever be ready to say goodbye. and secondly, some of my fandom experiences recently have been, to put it lightly, negative and unwelcoming, but I don't want to let one coward sending lesbophobic anon messages stop me from apprecating what has otherwise been such a welcoming joyful fandom experience.

while I didn't find the fandom until 2022, i've been watching since the first episode aired, and this show has brought me so much happiness (and heartache, it is a drama afterall) over the years.

anyways these are some of my favourite memories from this fandom:

finding community

the thing for me that will always stay with me from this show and fandom is the community built around it. this show at it's core celebrates diverse imperfect characters, and the queer community and on the whole the fandom does too. from the moment i started interacting with the fandom, both here and on twitter i felt welcome and accepted and safe to be myself. this fandom came into my life in a difficult time when i was quite isolated and i will forever treasure the connections and friendships i've made through this show, whether we've never talked one on one or whether we talk every day, I'm so grateful for all of you. it's so beautiful that this silly little firefighter show has brought together so many people from so many walks of life all over the world and brought friends into my life I couldn't imagine my life without (shoutout to @nancys-braids & @fallout-mars) thank you for being a space where i feel free to be myself, even while i'm not able to be irl.

getting back into writing

in june of 2022, I wrote my first 9-1-1 lone star/tarlos fic after a long break from writing, and instantly realised how much I missed it. i'd been a bit hesitant to share the fic, but the kindness from this fandom was an incredible confidence boost. i've now written 23 lone star fics (and counting) and connected with so many people over writing, wether it be my fics or theirs and grown so much as a writer and honestly as a person in that time.

the creativity and talent of this fandom

i've never been part of a fandom as creative and talented as this one, it's been such a joy to read so many incredible fics, see so much beautiful art (from pencil drawing to digital art to anne's creative cross stitching) and watch so many great edits and so much more.

live watching/re-watching

being an international fan i can't always live watch, but the times i've been able to live watch or rewatch with friends, here, in dms or on twitter have always made the watch experience so much more enjoyable. these stories have so much more impact when you can share them communually and react together. watching the tarlos wedding live with friends on twitter will always be a cherished memory.

queer nancy being canon

this moment meant so much to me, I saw a lot of myself in nancy from the very first season, and I always saw her as queer but never expected it to be confirmed in canon, especially in such a beautifully casual way. the way this show treats queerness as something expected, and casual instead of the big dramatic reveal it so often is on television will always mean so much to me.

and finally nancymarjan

not to be dramatic but finding a community of likeminded people who understand and also love my favourite rarepair wlw ship was life changing. the fandom experience can be lonely at times as a lesbian and when shipping femslash ships and i'll be forever greatful for nancymarjan nation <3 the best part of fandom will always be sharing the things you treasure the most with people who treasure them the same way.

thank you @everlastingday @nancys-braids @welcometololaland @reyesstrand @tellmegoodbye @bonheur-cafe for the tags, I loved reading your favourite fandom memories.

open tag because i'm so late <3

[blanceyblance]

A study on Lance's underrated role on the team. Pt 6.

Hunk pt 2

Last time we were talking about how Hunk would usually don't let teasing or hurtful words in moments of stress affect him. That doesn't mean Lance will not jump to his defense too.

In the Journey within, Lance says the famous "just drift out by yourself, Mr. Lone Wolf". At this point Lance had not really made any new kind of jab to Keith, and like we mentioned before he was taking Keith's orders very seriously but then really goes to the yugular in this episode and its only after Keith insults both Allura and Hunk.

There are some other small moments this episode that I wanted to mention.

Like Lance focusing on holding Hunk when they get launched in space.

And how he very much refuses to leave a teammate alone, no matter if that teammate asked them to run. He actually sounds confused by Hunk's request.

Lance's protectiveness can also be seen towards Hunk in the way he refused to harm or fight him even when the later was brainwashed and trying to hurt him. In their fight Lance never actually does more than just push Hunk far from him.

And will also support Hunk when he says no, even when its a direct order from Keith.

Like when Hunk refuses to take Kaltenecker with him and Lance arranges it so he can have nice road trip companions.

It is quite cute how Lance is the first person Hunk shows his shenanigans with the mice.

Overall, while sadly Lance and Hunk didnt have that many significant moments or more development for their friendship, we can see their mutual trust and ease around each other. And how Hunk feels comfortable enough with Lance to follow his plans, seek him for advice and be at the end of Lance's own brand of protectiveness.

As the legs, they work well together, often being paired up in missions and usually being the ones to cover the teams front and back when they go on foot.

Shiro

Starting with Shiro, now we have a curious case in that, sadly, we dont have a lot of moments with Shiro and more with Kuron, but since Lance always thought Kuron was Shiro i'm not going to split them.

In the first episode, one of the first things we are told about Shiro is how he is, in Lance's words "a legend" between pilots and his personal hero.

He expresses bewilderment at the Garrison's treatment of Shiro.

And saving him becomes a proper motivator for them to infiltrate after they discover he is there.

Later, when Shiro thanks them for helping in his rescue, Lance glances for a moment at Shiro's new arm, then smiles softly and follows the handshake.

And lastly, Lance is the one who refers to Shiro as their leader even before Allura assigned him to Black.

These little interactions through the first episode are meant to tell us how much Lance admires Shiro and how high he thinks of him.

This does change how they interact but that doesnt erase the fact that Lance still tries to care for him in his own way.

When they capture Sendak and try to see into their memories the paladins gather around to wait, Shiro being the most interested for obvious reasons but it takes too long and one by one all the paladins start to leave. Coran and Lance being the last ones.

Shiro decides to stay and Lance asks him to let them all know if something happens looking a bit concerned before leaving.

Gonna leave it here but what follows is also quite interesting.

It does make me sad that we dont have as many moments with Shiro and Hunk but what we have it's worth mentioning

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

[drabbletron]

Domesticity and Other Distractions: Hound x Reader fic (PART 2)

|| Sorry it's so short! I'm still working on this, slowly but surely. I just haven't had the time with working second shift and trying to save up for my own place. I really hope you all like it! This is sort of like an escape for me at the moment with life being the way it is right now. I know we could all use a little sweetness in life and Hound is just the mech for the job! ||

more Fluff

Now that you’re in the full cleaning swing he makes his way downstairs feeling that itch himself. He closes up the garage and notes the mess your roomies left for you in the kitchen. Hound’s only ever done one chore for you here and that was taking out the trash (because it was a near torrential downpour and he didn’t want you to have to deal with that), so he does that and hopes it makes things easier for you. He tries not to fault your friends and chalks it up to them being just as tired as you, then he sees that there’s the largest pile of dirty dishes imaginable lying in the sink. Now that’s just plain rude!

He's never done it before with human food, but he imagines it’s a lot like cleaning energon cubes, so it’s not completely unfamiliar as he reaches for the dish soap and a sponge. Methodically he makes his way through the mountain and, in no time flat, he’s got the majority of it done. After a few more pots and pans he’s onto rinsing and then putting things on the counter over a towel to dry. He can see why you hate doing it when he notices the pads of his avatar’s fingers getting all wrinkly (what a weird thing humans do). He makes a note to ask you about why that happens later.

It's doing tasks like these that have him wondering about domesticity and you, and how he always finds the two going hand and hand with each other. If he were a human he’d have no problem doing all of these little things while you do some other little home things in a different part of the house. Even now when he’s pretending to be something he’s not, it’s like living in some fantasy where he’s not on the front lines of an eons long war and he doesn’t have to worry about you or the people he loves getting hurt. He can imagine that he lives here on this little blue marble in the middle of nowhere with a house, a garden, plenty of land to explore and sights to see, and you, always happy to see him and be loved by him. Now wouldn’t that be something?

He leaves the quaint little imaginings to the back of his processor and takes a moment to look around and see what else he can do to make things a little easier for you. Before he can take a crack at the living room and the many things in there, you’re coming down the stairs in your pajamas. By Primus, you look so cozy and soft with the light from the window on the stairs shining just right. You’re radiant and ethereal and his spark jumps in his chassis.

“I finished the room!”

You hop along down the steps, more pep than you should have from working all night long and wrap your arms around him with a hum. He can smell the freshly applied body spray, something soft and clean smelling with a hint of woody notes, when he returns the embrace and sways gently from side to side. This is surely some sort of dream. There is no way that Primus let him have this soft little thing from outer space that loved him so much. But who was he to question the creator.

“Ah took care of the dishes and the trash for you,” you look up at him in surprise, “Figured I’d make myself useful and try to tidy up.”

“Hound, you didn’t have to do all of that,” and the smile you give him is a mile long.

“Ah know, jus’ didn’t want you to stress yourself, darlin’.”

“You are too cute, you know that?”

You bury your face into his chest and he brings up a hand to cup the back of your head content to stay wrapped up in your warmth. How often do you get to hold each other like this? When was the last time you’d cuddled him, if ever? Not sitting on his shoulder or in his hand to be carried around and not sitting in his cab or the back seat when he takes you places. No, actually held and cuddled. When?

“Hey, do you want to take a nap with me?”

“Well, ah’ve never slept in a human bed before. Sure!”

With that you drag him excitedly up the stairs back to your room.

When Hound sees the space this time it’s definitely much cleaner. The bed is made and covered in soft, fuzzy blankets and plush pillows; the desk and bedside tables are visible if still a little cluttered, more of an organized cluster of items; and there are decidedly no “little patterned fabrics” to be seen.

“So, what do you think?”

(Part 1)

[pukefactory]

AM I LATE? OKAY OKAY COUGH UHHH IMMA TRY AND MAKE THIS QUICK.

Either Cosmo x Young (around 9?) sibling reader...Some Plot: not a lot of people like us since we act differently from their favorite and it continues to repeat into bulling for weeks and weeks until one day we come up crying to them and then we start to explain that we were getting bullied for just being different and go explaining what they did. Then Cosmo procedded to confront the person (not sure what you want but something like that and then Cosmo ends up reporting them to the handlers.

Im sorry if it's not clear but I hope this wasn't too late! It really just angst to fluff

Nope, you’re not late at all! This is a unique and intriguing prompt. It did challenge me a bit, but I hope it meets your expectations!

── ･ ｡ﾟ⟡ AND ONCE MORE ⟡ ˚｡ ･ ──

♫ Summary: Cosmo helps his bullied little sibling

♫ Character(s): Cosmo (Dandy’s World)

♫ Reader Pronouns: Non Specified

♫ Genre: Short Story, Angst, Comfort

♫ Word Count: 567

♫ Warning(s): Mentions of Bullying, Physical Abuse

You remember every name you’ve been called but how many times? You’ve lost count. It’s been more than enough. And every time you ask them why they’re so cruel, they just laugh in your face, calling you a freak, a no-show, a good-for-nothing weirdo—just because you’re different from the other toons. You don’t fit in.

According to them, there’s nothing special about you. That’s their excuse for treating you so horribly. And for a while, you believe them. Why wouldn’t you? If they keep pushing, shoving, and yelling, they must be right… right?

You endure their cruelty for weeks, letting them hurl insults and knock you around because you think you deserve it. But today, they take it too far. One of them shoves you to the ground, spitting out the same tired words you’ve heard a hundred times before. Then comes the first kick. Then another. And another. They don’t stop until they’ve had their fill and walk away, leaving you curled up in a ball, trembling and sobbing, trying to shield yourself from the pain.

The moment they’re gone, you scramble to your feet, ignoring the throbbing in your back, and run. Run to the one place you know is safe. Run to the one person who can help you.

Cosmo is in the kitchen, casually baking cupcakes—something he and Spout have done countless times. Lately, he’s always in the kitchen, experimenting with new recipes, even when his best friend isn’t around to help. He slides a tray into the preheated oven, wipes the sweat from his forehead, and then hears the front door creak open, followed by soft sniffles.

The second he sees you—his little sibling, tear-streaked and shaking—he rushes over, not caring about the batter-covered mess on his hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong, buddy?” His voice is gentle but filled with concern.

You sniffle, trying to wipe away your tears, but they keep falling no matter how hard you try. “They keep hurting me…”

“Who keeps hurting you?”

“A group of bullies.” You hiccup, voice breaking. “They keep hurting me because I’m a freak!”

Without hesitation, Cosmo pulls you into a warm hug, shushing you softly. “You’re not a freak. You never were, and you never will be.”

He rubs your back in slow, soothing circles, his embrace melting away some of the fear.

“How about we bake some cupcakes together? And after that…” He pulls back slightly, giving you a knowing look. “Would you mind showing me who those meanies are?”

You nod without hesitation. You trust him. You feel safe with him.

After sharing a fresh batch of cupcakes, you lead Cosmo to the ones who have been tormenting you for weeks. He sends you back to the kitchen with a simple request—to clean up a little while he handles things.

An hour passes before he finally returns, looking somewhere between satisfied and angry. As he steps inside, his eyes flick to the kitchen, clearly impressed by how spotless it is.

“What took you so long?” you ask.

“Oh, I was just dealing with those mean people.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing bad! I told the toon handlers everything, so they definitely won’t be bothering you anymore.”

You gasp, then throw your arms around him. “Thank you, Cosmo.”

“Of course. Anything for you, bud.” He hugs you back, a small smile on his face, relieved that you’re finally safe.

Everything will be okay now.

[gothic-aesthetic-gal]

Old Scars (Part 14)

Ledger!joker x reader

Fem!reader is kidnapped by the joker and his henchmen while just trying to get a moment's reprieve from her boring, soul-destroying job ✨️

Tw: I mean, we all saw TDK, right? I'd say this is on the same level/rating. Kidnapping, violence, mentions of minor characters (not J) being misogynist/threatening SA, reference to past traumatic injury. This chapter continues the themes of being under the influence of a drug, with nightmarish hallucinations. Beyond this i'm not sure, i'll update these when I write more.

Part 14 -

I couldn't tell whether I was stuck in the grips of whatever Vladislav had dosed me with for hours, days, or weeks even. Time ceased to exist entirely in whatever dark place my brain had slipped down into. I was stuck in a purgatory of living nightmares, gripped by insanity, at the mercy of horrific hallucinations.

In the first moment of clarity I had, like the briefest spot of sun breaking through the thick clouds of a battering storm, I became faintly aware of my surroundings. I was laid out on a double bed in a white room.

I watched the peeling paint in one corner as it seem to pulsate and move. My blood was thumping in my ears, my throat dry as sandpaper, and the thin bars of light poking through the half shuttered blinds were unbearable. I groaned and drew up my arms and legs, rolling up like a little pilbug.

This glimpse of reality was short lived because the substance wasn't done tormenting me yet. I was burning up. Sweat beading from every pore, my skin felt raw and I thought that it was blistering. I frantically stripped off any clothing I had on, the fabric feeling like needles against my flesh. In this, the first of many subsequent after shocks, I began to see terrible things again.

All manner of abstract horrors flickered to life in my poisoned brain as I screamed and begged for help until my voice gave out. Occasionally, I thought I could make out voices nearby, or less often, in the room with me. Once of twice, I thought someone, or something, was stood over me but If I tried to make out their figure, it was like trying to look for a person in swirling mist - my brain kept latching onto shapes, and then they would move and I'd lose them again.

I thought that I was stood on one of the wide streets in the centre of the city, probably in the financial district. I shuddered at the sight of the glistening chrome skyscrapers towering over me, like knives stabbing into the sky. The air was thick with smoke and the sidewalks and road eerily empty. Devoid of life. Where were the finance workers in their suits and ties dashing around? Time is money so they always rushed between offices. Where were the cops on patrol, the city officials in sleek cars? Where were the taxis ferrying the regular folk: the cashiers, the bank tellers, the office workers, like myself? It was like finding an empty ant farm. What was the point of the structure if there was nothing living inside?

I felt my chest tighten up. Why was no one here? What had happened? I began to walk forwards into the fog, desperate to find some sign of life. Eventually I broke into a jog, one unsteady foot after the other, beating against the grey asphalt of the road. Rapidly twilight came and went and the heavy cloak of nightfall dropped over the city. The road seemed to never end or change. Just as I was about about to give up in utter despair, I hit a crossroads.

I saw a looming firetruck abandoned in the centre of the junction. Brilliant orange flames were licking their way along the bright red paint, reducing it to a burnt out shell. The windows were shattered and the tyres slashed. Still no people, alive or dead. Not knowing what else to do, I kept running along the main avenue. Finally the shapes of some cars emerged from the shroud of the smoke and fog. They too were abandoned, little more than burnt out husks.

Suddenly, I thought I heard the briefest whisper of a voice on the wind. I whirled around, this way and that, trying to seek it out.

"(Y/n)"

Something, or someone was calling to me.

"Where is it taking you now?" It came again from behind me this time.

I circled round, desperate to find the source. The voice was low, and oddly familiar. I couldn't place it. My brain felt like it had short circuited and all the connections were fried.

"What do you see?"

This time it sounded much closer, from the right and clear enough that the man speaking could have been right next to me. I whipped in the direction of the voice. There he stood, so close that I almost jumped out of my own skin. I stumbled and fell backwards on my ass in the road.

He stepped forward, his vibrant purple coat, even faded as it was, a dazzling contrast to the grey world around me. I looked up in silent fear at his face, covered in white paint with black circles around his dark eyes. There was the splashed curve of a blood red smile extending beyond the bounds of his lips, and his hair was a tangled mess of green-tinted curls hanging forward as he leaned over me with hunched shoulders.

I shrank back in his shadow, fear running through me, and struggled under his piercing gaze. I was silent, too afraid and confused to speak.

"What do you see?" He asked again.

"I - I see you," I stammered out in confusion, struggling to sit upright.

"Me?" Came his reply, and he looked equally confused.

The smoke was thinning out around us now, and the ghostly shapes of the city began to reappear with greater clarity as I slowly hauled myself up and back to my feet. My whole body ached in protest, even my bones felt like they were sore.

"Where... where am I?" I asked the strange man before me.

"Well, that depends?"

"What do you mean?"

I screwed up my face in confusion and rubbed my sore head.

"It depends. On the one hand you're here with me," he threw out his arms and spun around gesturing at the empty streets.

"And, on the other?"

He abruptly stopped spinning, his coat swaying around him and revealing a flash of beautiful orange silk lining, like dancing flames.

"On the other, you're supposed to be somewhere else."

I frowned.

"Where else am I supposed to be?"

"Beats me!" He erupted into laughter.

"Is she still out of it?" A new voice echoed around me.

Again it belonged to a man, and he spoke with a thick accent but it was still just the two of us standing in the empty street, now so clear that I could see right the way along upper fifth.

"She's sometimes responding to me now."

"So the the treatment is working?"

"Well yeah, but she's still gonna be a bit loopy until all of it leaves her system for good."

My head felt like it was full of thick sludge as I staggered forwards, past the strange man in the long purple coat. Nothing made sense. Something was wrong. What had he said?

'You're supposed to be somewhere else.

I decided to veer left, since going forwards didn't seem to actually cover any ground. I found myself in one of the compartments of a large revolving door to one of the skyscrapers. Turning around, I saw that the man had somehow appeared opposite me. He gave me an enthusiastic wave, much to my horror. I had to get away, something was deeply unsettling about him and now he was following me.

I turned and ran full tilt for a line of elevators, aggressively smashing my fingers against the call buttons and frantically looking over my shoulder. One of them finally arrived and I bolted inside, again smashing the buttons of the control panel desperately trying to get the doors to close. From my position, I could now see him again as he walked towards me - there was something all the more sinister about his leisurely pace. It was as though he was a big cat, stalking it's prey in the long grass.

The doors began to draw closed and I pressed the button for the top floor, feeling a swell of relief as the elevator began to shift upwards. I watched as the light on the control panel flickered through each of the markers for the forty-six floors. It seemed to take forever, and I was shocked when the destinstion arrived.

I gingerly stepped out into a large open-plan space. There was glass everywhere, and I felt like I was in a fish tank. I wandered by some partitioned executive offices, and paused for a moment as I saw that one had a beat up old tv set in it. It was so at odds with the surroundings that I felt compelled to look closer and approached. It was switched on and something was playing. I fiddled with the aerials on the top until the static dissipated and the picture clarified.

Much to my surprise, the film was one I thought I might have seen before... but I was struggling to recall what it was. I could see a man and a woman climbing the stairs of a tower. The scene was fraught, and they seemed to be arguing, or he seemed to be confronting her. The building violins in the soundtrack were spiralling higher and higher. I turned away from it: I had to keep going. I had to keep moving, even if I didn't know why.

Next, I came across an outdoor terrace which I rushed out to. The cold night air greeted me as I pushed open the door and a breeze blew past me back into the building, scattering loose papers in stacks on the desks. There were multiple empty tables and chairs lined up in neat rows. I wondered if some of the workers would drink coffee and talk about important meetings up here. I noticed one table was laid out, but not with what I'd expected to see. Instead it was littered with empty beer bottles and a deck of cards, like the vanished people had been interrupted mid-game. As I moved closer the wind picked up the cards and scattered them in every direction.

I reached out to grab the nearest one as it fluttered by. They were bigger than I'd have expected a standard pack of cards to be, and I soon realised why: they were tarot cards. I turned over the one I'd fished out of the clutches of the wind.

On it was a picture of a crumbling tower, struck by lightning, and two people falling from the top. The windows were bursting with flames and the storm clouds raging behind it. I felt a pang of dread at such an obvious bad omen.

The wind was rapidly picking up and I decided that I would have to head back indoors. I had wanted to look out over the city, hoping it might reveal some clue as to where everyone had gone, but I was terrified of being so very high up. As I turned to reatreat, there was an almighty boom, and the walkway beneath my feet shook so violently that I was thrown off balance. I knew immediately that something was deeply wrong.

There was a crescendo of shattering glass, and a horrible grinding, scraping sound. The whole building seemed to shudder beneath me. At a loss for what else to do, I picked myself up and ran back inside. As I fled in a total panic around a blind corner, I collided with something and went crashing to the ground.

"Hey, watch it!" Yelled out a man from the ground beside me.

I floundered around in confusion as he picked himself up and gathered the things I had knocked out of his hands.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He huffed, hurrying off.

I ran back to the elevator and waited anxiously for the next one to open. As the doors slid back I was again shocked as no less than fifteen people hurried out and chastised me for not waiting my turn. On the one hand, it should have been a huge relief to have people back, but on the other it only drove me to further madness in my desperate attempts to make sense of the whole situation.

As the elevator reached the fifth floor it stopped. The doors parted to reveal the strange man I had run away from earlier. I jumped back in horror and pressed myself back into the corner of the lift as he stepped in. He looked at me with an air of superiority and disinterest as I cowered in the corner. We continued to travel down to street level and a sharp ding indicated our arrival.

The opening doors revealed a scene of complete carnage unfolding - it looked as though a bomb had gone off in the lobby, all the glass was broken, things were on fire, people were running around screaming as the air was filled with acrid smoke. The man with the painted face strolled out into the middle of it all, entirely unfazed as I trailed after him in disbelief.

Out in the street, the usual bustle of city life had returned as though it was never gone and I stood beside the road watching as people and cars jostled for space. The air filled with the sound of police sirens as cop cars screeched to a halt outside the building and officers ran up the steps.

Just as I was looking down fifth avenue towards the mayor's offices at the end, several more explosions rocked the ground beneath my feet. Multiple buildings were hit. Cars swerved, people screamed, and panic took hold. Everyone began to run. Everyone except the strange man I had followed and myself. The crowd moved around us like water in a stream as we stared at one another.

One of the frantic people broke off from the herd and collided with me. I moved to try and help her up from where she'd fallen but she slapped my hand back.

"What are you doing just standing there gawking. Get the fuck out of the way!" She yelled as she gathered up her briefcase and scrambled away.

Suddenly I found my hand was clasped in the purple gloved hand of the strange man with the painted face. He put me into the position for a waltz, posing my limbs like I was a marionette. Before I could protest, I was whirling around in a strange dance with him. It felt like I was bewitched, like my feet automatically moved and I had no choice but to obey. The only kind of dancing I was accustomed to was jumping around a crowded dancefloor, too many shots deep to form any coherent thoughts - and that was as a teenager: an increasingly distant memory. We had all paid off the bouncer to not question our obviously fake IDs, and misspent our youth drinking and dancing all night. I found myself wondering where any of those people were now; ten years was a long time...

We were spinning around at such a dizzying rate that the towering buildings around me started to blur as my body kept graceful timing. Abruptly, we came to a halt as he put me into a dip. It felt strange to be suspended, as if mid-fall, held there by his strong grip. I looked up at his face in silent confusion.

He pulled us both back to standing position and I withdrew my hand from its resting place on his shoulder. The city started to fade and bleed, like an ink drawing in the rain. All the bleak colours and the harsh lines blotted together. Everything around me began to re-materialse as something else, and before I knew it, I was standing on a bridge. The rain was coming down in fat, heavy droplets which soaked into my clothes and ran over my skin. The hands holding me in place released me and I looked back to see who had brought me to this place. My strange dance partner stood just out of my reach in the downpour. I stepped back from the barrier toward him.

The rain was so heavy it was washing the paint from his features, revealing piece by piece his nakedness - his real skin. He looked lost in thought, and I had to touch his arm before he would react to my presence. As soon as I did, he spoke.

"You need to wake up."

"But I am awake!" I protested in confusion.

"No, you're not," he muttered back darkly.

I didn't know what he meant. It was all too much.

"If you don't wake up, you might get stuck like this".

"I don't understand."

"You're dreaming, and you have to wake up," he pressed, grabbing onto me and shaking me violently by my shoulders, until it hurt.

"But..." I trailed off as I began to think it through.

It would explain the strange things which kept happening, the way time had seemed to stop, the unexplainable disappearance and reappearance of the city's inhabitants, and the sudden change of location.

"Okay, so how do I wake up?" I asked, but no one was there to answer: he was gone.

I was alone on the bridge. I sank down onto the wet ground in total despair. I don't know how long I sat there, dripping wet and miserable as the heavens continued to pour down over the city. I watched the occasional pairs of car headlights sweep by and listened to the crashing swell of the river somewhere far below.

Maybe what I needed was a shock. If the nightmarish visions had stopped, and I was stuck in this shallow imitation of the city indefinitely, then maybe I needed to do something to shock myself into waking up. I turned slowly towards the bridge's barrier.

Dread immediately sank its claws into my gut. Surely that wasn't the answer... but what if it was? Just the idea of jumping made me feel dizzy and sick. I paced back and forth as I weighed up my options. If nothing else here had inspired enough fear in me to wake me, then I'd have to do something more drastic, and this would certainly qualify. Forcing myself to act out a long-time fear might just be the only thing drastic enough to work.

Why start small? I knew it had to be this. The most fucked up part of me enjoyed the poetry of it too, as I gripped the barrier with trembling hands and willed myself to climb over it. Just the sight of the drop made me want to cry out in panic, to turn and run, but somehow I held fast.

I knew I couldn't do it facing oblivion, so I turned myself around. What was I doing? What if this was all just some mental break I was having? And, oh god, what if it was like the Matrix: where the dream was more pleasant than the reality? If that was the case, this dream world left a lot to be desired. I exhaled sharply, as though I was trying to physically expel my racing thoughts.

A part of me was telling me I had to do this, even if I didn't know why. The primal, most prehistoric part of me was screaming self-preservation, but something in my heart told me to ignore it. As I made my peace with the decision, I saw a dark figure on the opposite side of the bridge. He had emerged from the mist like an apparition, and said nothing as he met my gaze. It was the batman. I wasn't alarmed by his presence, and something about the way he was watching suggested a kind of understanding. He didn't move to stop me, or offer any resistance.

I let go of the bars and leant back as far as I could. My heart fluttered into my throat as I felt gravity come up to greet me and I passed the point of no return. I toppled down into the dark with a scream of terror at my imminent end. I prayed that it would be quick.

With a gasp like I had stopped breathing for several minutes, I coughed and spluttered as I lurched upright. My dry eyes snapped open and I suddenly felt the urge to vomit. I struggled to the end of the bed. Suddenly, a bucket was thrust under my bowed head just in time. My whole body ached. When I finally stopped being sick, I let myself fall back onto the mattress beneath me.

"Kurwa, I'm glad I put the bucket in here," muttered the looming figure to my left. As I looked at him I remembered who he was.

"Are you okay, you were screaming again?" He asked.

"Tony..." I thought aloud.

His eyes widened in excitement.

"You know who I am now, yes?"

"I - I think so," I muttered, rolling onto my side with a groan.

"I will go and tell the boss. He's been watching you a lot, but even he needs sleep sometimes," he said.

I barely had the strength to answer him.

"Okay," was all I managed as Tony left the room with the bucket in hand.

Silent tears of relief rolled down my cheeks as I realised it was over, and I was still breathing.

Link to the masterlist for other chapters:

Tag list:

@dis0rderly-cl0wn-nerd

@dance-like-a-clown

@furisodespirit

@heath-ledger-jokers-wife

@sunfyrejoker

@lightsabergirl

@clowning--around

@ruby-da-archangel

@harleenqvinn

@helchronicles

@ostricx

@jumpingjellyfishhaha

@knoepfl

@nicklet94

Dividers by @strangergraphics

[emilylawsons]

@xenobean Your wish is my command…

(This will have a few spoilery things from S1 and S2 but none from S3.)

So let’s start with the setting and surface theme: journalism and news media. Anyone who works in that field faces questions of integrity every single day. Good journalists seek the truth. They ask questions. But sometimes the truth—or one person’s integrity—threatens to expose someone else’s lack thereof. We see it all the time in what the characters face each episode. Noelene gets fired for a day because she accidentally pulls a fabricated quote that her own bosses didn’t bother to check her on. Helen is constantly searching for stories that shed light on issues no one else will talk about, and in season 2 Dale is combative to that because he’s looking to save face and maintain his station which her convictions threaten. One of Helen’s most crucial moments comes because she has to choose between her integrity and her job.

Their professional world alone is meant to be built on truth and exposing the truth.

Then we get our characters.

Helen tries to hide her mental illness, at least from the public. And herself. She panics when her past stint in a mental institution is threatened to come to light. She runs away and tries to hide her episodes but isn’t quite so successful—but she’ll still attempt to lie. (“I accidentally took too many pills,” “I think I was really dehydrated.”) And we see how her running from her mental illness rather than facing it head on or seeking help does more harm than good. And she constantly has reminders of the stigma of mental illness shoved in her face. She has people around her—namely men—screaming at her and not taking her seriously, and it just fuels her reactive anger. Which makes her impossible to deal with to most people. Except Dale, who becomes the only safe person she knows. But even he can’t always understand, especially when her struggles threaten his image.

Dale, meanwhile, has run from his bisexuality since he was a teenager. Didn’t even have the language for it. He was shamed, wrongfully punished, made to feel like a pervert. As a result, he’s kept his true feelings to himself. He’s leaned into what everyone else wants from him. Helen is probably the first person to know the whole truth and still love him as deeply as she does, but the way in which she finds out is at the cost of an indiscretion to their relationship. She feels betrayed not because he has that attraction to men, but because he kissed someone else—he entertained being with someone else while they were together—and still doesn’t quite trust that he won’t leave her. So how he is supposed to feel anything other than ashamed? How is he supposed to respond other than to hide in his career and the one place he seems to be successful, accepted, and admired? No one can know he has these feelings or these thoughts. No one can know the real him. Because they would be appalled—or that’s what he’s had reinforced in his mind.

Both of them, in their shame, fall apart despite the fact that they’re the only two people who literally only see each other and love each other regardless.

Then we’re introduced to Kay Walters, who’s spent her entire life having to live up to her parents’ public image. Who fell to addiction because of the pressure. Because she never felt good enough in the eyes of the two people in this world who should have loved her unconditionally, without question. And when she comes back and Geoff and Evelyn find out what state she’s in, they’re forced to face their own failure. Their own neglect of what’s important. Because they, themselves, are so full of shame at the idea of looking even just a little less than perfect. And when they face the fact that she needs help, there’s shame on their part because their daughter is in rehab—which is just as shameful to her. It takes that come to Jesus moment to get them to reexamine themselves.

And without giving anything away about the final season, we watch the fallout from this shame and how Helen and Dale specifically must confront it. And throughout the entire series, it’s the people who refuse to be ashamed of themselves that seem to be the happiest—Gerry and Carla, for instance. Or Tim. Or Linus. And I’d love to dig more into how we see this play out for Helen and Dale these last six episodes, but I’ll leave it there since everyone is still watching.

So, yeah. That’s the point. And I adore this show for everything it is. ❤️

Anyway the thesis of The Newsreader is that embracing the truth and everything real that you are is always going to be better than hiding in shame in this essay I will—

[beckkii]

thinking about the aftermath of the spamton neo fight we don’t get to see. spamton fallen to the floor, eerily still and silent for once. susie and ralsei rushing to pick him up and tie him up with the wires in case he tries to attack again, kris lingering in the back frozen bc—hell, that could be THEM. spamton now clearly alive but not resisting, in some brief catatonic state where he just lets himself be tied up. he’s calm now, but tired. so, so tired of trying.

it’d be such a sad scene to watch played out. and while i get why toby omitted it, it would’ve been interesting to see

[gracefireheart]

A few sketches of these guys :]

[weaselle]

had an interaction with a cat at my mother's friend's house (we dropped by to feed her while my mom's friend was out of town) and my mother said "i was surprised how much that cat liked you, she doesn't usually let people pet her but she followed you around and let you pet her a lot"

and in explaining to her my interaction with the cat i put into words a thing i'd never put into words before, having always automatically understood what i was doing. But once i put it into words my mother said she'd never thought of that and it felt like something worth sharing here.

This cat did a typical cat thing where she sniffed my fingers i was holding out, and then acted like she wanted me to pet her, but then when i started to move to pet her, moved her head away slightly to prevent it.

I instinctively understand this interaction, and stopped trying to pet her and moved back to a neutral position and waited to see if she would re-initiate an interaction.

Because this is basically a consent test. This is how a cat can assess "how closely are you paying attention to what i'm telling you" and "how respectful of my boundaries are you".

If i am responsive to her yes/no game, moving to pet her when she indicates i can, stopping immediately when she seems to change her mind, then she knows she can trust me to understand her, and also to respect her choices. That's what i did, so then she knew she could trust me and relax around me and enjoy my company. She was actually a very friendly and social little cat, who clearly wanted to make friends with me.

But if i had insisted on trying to pet her when she seemed to change her mind instead of simply understanding that she didn't want to be pet in that moment, she would have known she couldn't trust me to understand or respect her, and she would have treated me like she has to treat 90% of the people who visit that house, evidently.

I work mostly with dogs these days, but i grew up with cats too, and am generally good with animals. Many shy animals will also do this same "sniff sniff okay touch me nope just kidding" routine, especially if they've had experiences with people that make establishing that kind of communication and trust important to them.

And in fact, a lot of animals will do some version of this kind of consent test in a whole variety of situations. When well socialized dogs do that thing where they are rough housing and then they both stop suddenly for a moment until one of them play bows or makes a little pouncing motion and then they fly back into rough housing mode, that's what they are doing, they are doing a consent check-in, like "whoah this is getting wild, are you still in? are we still playing, is this still a good time for you?"

anyway, that's why this lovely little cat followed me around asking me to pet her the whole time we were visiting that house, because i showed her that i understood her signals and respected her boundaries, which is something i see a lot of both men and women not doing when interacting with cats and dogs.

[lifenconcepts]

I’m so happy you share my joy in this!! You and I are not so different, but I conclude after all - we all share little bits of one another within us. And maybe not the same pains or pasts, but at times the same joys and moments. You too are someone i find fascinating! I’m sure that you have alot to speak of too, and little reminder - these little mystical writings have only become possible because I’ve gained a true habit (through passion) of writing daily about anything. Not bound by time or topic or moment or place. But just to write about whatever comes to mind. Always hated diaries, but have now written out 11 notebooks irl and COUNTLESS notebooks through digital notes.. I often just begin to write with ZERO prior thought (no internal monologue either! I like to point that out..) and then once everything is on paper I get to know what it is that truly goes on in there. (Even this large block of text is only possible through about.. Hm. Let’s estimate.. 20 or so conversations at MINIMUM I held with either myself or someone close and simply repeated a few times until they cemented. After all, all ‘facts’ are just patterns of belief that time has proven to be accurate. That’s why we don’t like to change our ideals even when people explain things aren’t exactly like that, but after a peaceful debate, come to some new conclusion.. hey! Had this exact point reoccur about 6 times in the last year alone! Wonderful..)

please DO write whatever you have the spark! Tend to it until you kindle a flame, and may the way it dances and flickers tell you the story of the wood it devours and the way it warms up the air. Everything is connected, you worded it nicely, and it is true that simple existence bounds us all to the now in whatever shape and form it takes on! From a wounded bird to the looming trees, the parasite within its rotting gut or the heat of the sun that warms up its corpse.. it all is beautiful, in its own grotesque way, and to be able to accept that as the magic it is allows you to also see the value of each part of the ecosystem and the cycle it upholds..

We’re living, and that’s utterly beautiful. And in whichever form it comes to you - know that it is a valid way to see the beauty which surrounds us. Well, as long as you DO love life, then your ideals can stay as is. But know you must always change, you can’t stay stagnant especially not when you know there’s something wrong in the way you’re acting or thinking or feeling. Do things until they feel right, even if you don’t yet know why. May movies, songs, stories, art, writing, people, sights, and thoughts all bring you a step closer into figuring out the secrets of the universe and all its pleasures it upholds.. ofcourse, I may have run around with a lighter to your souls - but it has begun to spark the flame within some that may make them strive to bettering themselves, and in finding whatever calling you feel passionate towards, you’ll find fulfilment within plainly existing. It is sad ofcourse many still remain unaware and refuse to move from self-destructive thoughts, while the path to discovery is so open, but I guess not all shall be changed by me and that is fine. I wasn’t placed here to help others, but rather guide. I’m actively helping myself so I can indirectly help and assist others by sharing the knowledge I’ve gathered. If I was preoccupied with running around and saving every dying bug then I’d long have killed myself from having little time for my actual joys and self. Sometimes, it’s neccesary to be selfish, sometimes, neccesary to be selfless.. but the magic of these sorts of notes and advice is that there never is one solution to all and obviously each individual situation/experience/person/creature/soul needs their own unique perspective, and so even though you can’t predict every little thing, to have basics vague thoughts that can apply to many a thing.. it helps gather things into one spot and go from there somewhere coherent and clear. it’s funny though how I don’t know many basic things, like why do we seek out comfort, or why after all this knowledge we still fall prey to addiction, but I got many theories as to why.. and it reminds me a little of Sherlock Holmes.. who can differentiate dozens of different tobacco ash and dirt but doesn’t know shit about the solar system. The fact isn’t that he’s stupid or anything but just more well accquainted in the very specific skills and knowledge he needs for his specific job, his passion and calling, and that excess stuff DOES indeed clutter up the brain. Ofcourse though, we’re not immune to the internet yet, so yeah I can sadly explain to you what a skibidi toilet is (fucking sickens me), but at the very same time explain why the distant stars have more in common with a fleeting memory of a family friend in a party you were sleepy through as a child than the odd name and concept of a god. After all, there ain’t a big man upstairs, you just gave him that form to present as because it feels somewhat right and nice. But in reality. WOW there’s so much true beauty around!!!!!

we’re connected everywhere. From the man who wanders aimlessly to the young girl running home, to the parrot which flies across a forest to the eagle bound by a tether, from a chained dog whining and thrashing to a whale so large and powerful yet still completely concealed by glass,, the stars and the water, the grass and the earth. The soil and their inhabitants and so the ones who live deep below the sea. So many parallels and similarities, beauty in between the lines. Can you see? Be glad you can see.. because it always was here and always will be there!!!

Thanks for letting me ramble !! I truly thrive in writing, it makes me feel alive. I actually feel good for once and not like curling up and bashing my head against a wall for a bit. This makes me feel good :))

OH AND I MUST ADD! There’s no one answer to anything, always different for all, and there always exist exemptions!! Having said that, try not to force anything even if it seems nice and good.. don’t want you stressing over existence if it’s not in your specific brain layout ya know? But after all, DO challenge your brain! Yeah yeah, contradictions.. did you not read my status below my name? CONTRADICTION IS DIVINITY!! The world is cruel and kind! We are destroyers and creators! Pain is pleasant, and pleasure can be painful! Death is often merciful, and mercy is often life-crushing. Rebirth will go on, but reincarnation or simply ending by the root can also exist for some. There is peace here and there, and just as a pigeon nests against anti-bird spikes.. we will find a way.

afternoon tea

….i need to just schedule these in advance…

Uh, how are y’all?

free spot for question (ramble about whatever/nf)

no pressure taglist: @neowanderseternally @numisanubis @berrybird054 @saireye @lifenconcepts

(Again, if u wish to be added or removed dm me and explicitly say so and I’ll respect your wish)