#there’s no way he goes around dipping his biscuit everywhere

[gojooooo]

i love a hypothetical students au or similar situation and sukuna looks gorjus as hell or his arms are showing so someone tries to rizz him up by complimenting his tattoos but sukuna is busy staring at yuuji from a distance who’s like smiling and talking to nobara and megumi so he distractedly replies “yeah thanks” as he keeps looking at his crush. so yes in short i love the idea of people wanting sukuna’s attention/him potentially being able to have anyone (but wait don’t misinterpret, he absolutely isn’t a fuckboy in my eyes, quite the opposite actually) but his mental capacity is entirely reserved for yuuji. he only has eyes for yuuji. he only cares about what yuuji is doing. is something about yuuji? no? then he’s lost interest.

[onlydreamofmysoul]

Gingerbread (Ficmas #1)

Here we go!!! Ficmas day one! Super excited about this - I’ve never done ficmas before! As promised... a little sweet competition!

Characters and their world by @lumosinlove “Is everyone ready?” Celeste asked, standing around her kitchen, looking at the room nearly overflowing with hockey players and their loved ones. “Leo and I are the judges. The rules are simple, you all have to build a gingerbread house, everything you need is right in front of you. The best looking one wins, okay?” 

Remus grinned and nodded, nudging Sirius excitedly. They had everything - including the gingerbread premade by Celeste herself, so even if it looked like a disaster it was sure to taste amazing. Not that theirs would look anything less than fantastic.

On second thought, maybe a group of highly competitive athletes working against each other instead of with each other was a bad idea.

“Okay guys!” Leo called as he hopped up to sit on the counter and oversee the proceedings. “You have one hour. Your time starts.... Now!”

Remus grinned at Sirius, and then they set to work.

Logan knew watching Leo be all authoritative as a judge while he just had to watch would be hard. He didn’t know it would be torture. He was teamed with Adele and Katie, but Adele had to keep hitting his arm to get his attention.

“Logan,” She warned. “I want to win. Now are you gonna focus or not?”

Logan shook his head. Leo could wait. He had a competition to win. “Oui, sorry yes I’m good now.”

Adele nodded, apparently satisfied and Katie drew their attention back to her when she started bouncing in her seat. 

“Allez!” She said, her eyes wide, “Tremzy come on I wanna get to the part where I can eat it.”

Logan chuckled but obliged her, obediently holding pieces of gingerbread in place at the girls’ command as the icing dried.

“Okay, no pressure or anything, but your name’s Noelle so I’m expecting you to dominate this Christmas thing.” Thomas said, only partially jokingly as Noelle carefully piped the outline of their ‘windows’. 

“Um, excuse you Thomas Walker,” She replied, “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Okay, but hear me out,” Thomas started as he picked up a piece of gingerbread, and started piping green spikes on it. “We should have pine trees in front of it.”

Noelle looked at him like he was losing his mind. “Babe, it’s a gingerbread house.” She said slowly as if it were a foreign concept.

“I know!” Thomas said, excitedly waving his hands and as he did, his pine tree went flying through the air and landed in Kasey’s hair. 

Kasey turned around very slowly and looked around menacingly, reaching up and pulling the biscuit out of his hair, leaving green splotches and crumbs in its wake.

“Who?” He ground out, and Thomas looked around with a shocked expression. “I have no idea! Noelle? Did you see anything?”

Noelle bit down her laugh and shook her head. “Non. Maybe it was one of the kids?” She said, looking over at Logan’s table to where Katie had more icing on her than the house. Kasey followed her and his vision softened. He nodded once and turned back around, Thomas made another tree and held it up to Noelle.

“They’ll never see it coming.” He said, finally finishing his statement. Noelle rolled her eyes, but in the end, there were a ton of palm trees in their ‘garden’. 

Finn was with Pascal and Marc, all of them particularly competitive and set on winning except there was one little problem… None of them had ever actually made a gingerbread house before.

“I think it goes like this?” Marc said, tilting his head as he stuck two pieces together, the icing going everywhere. He let go and they all held their breath while the biscuits stood for about ten seconds before collapsing so slowly it was actually a little sad. 

“I say we give up and just eat everything.” Finn proposed. Marc nodded, Dumo looked like he was going to put up a fight, but one glance at their gingerbread wreckage had his shoulders slumping. He reached out and broke off a bit of biscuit, popping it into his mouth with a grin.

“At least it tastes good?”

“But we didn’t make-” Marc began.

“Shh.” Finn cut him off with a playful wink. “At least it tastes good.”

Kasey’s hair was green and that had been a problem but then Alex promised he’d wash it out himself later that night and well, those words along with the little wink Natalie sent him had Kasey pretty okay with the whole situation. He sat there, smiling softly as he listened to Alex and Natalie chat away while Kasey did all the actual work, creating quite a nice gingerbread house, thank you very much.

Kasey grew up with his dad baking every Sunday and he’d always help. He wasn’t ashamed to say he was quite handy with a piping bag, and Alex was watching with wide eyes as Kasey piped ‘snow’ on the roof.

“How-” Alex stuttered, his eyes focused on Kasey’s hand.

Natalie bit down her smile. “He likes to keep people guessing.”

“I… I’m not complaining.”

“Like what you see O’Hara?” Kasey asked, unable to stop himself from teasing the other man. Alex was as prone to flushing a deep red as his brother, but Kasey found Alex looked a lot boyish when it happened to him.

“I definitely like what I’m seeing.” Alex replied, before cheekily dipping his finger in the icing and smirking at Kasey as he ate it. 

Natalie laughed at them both as she leaned in and kissed the sugar dusting Alex’s lips. Kasey raised an eyebrow, but kept looking at what he was doing, until Alex was standing next to him.

“Open up.” Alex prompted, holding his icing coated finger up to Kasey’s lips. Kasey made eye contact with Natalie for a split second, before doing as instructed, smiling into the kiss Alex gave him after.

“Chocolate was always my favourite.” Alex said with a sigh as he sat back down, Natalie placing her feet in his lap as she shamelessly ate the sweets they needed to decorate. Kasey glanced up to see Leo already looking at him.

“Redheads.” Leo mouthed with a shrug, “Gotta love em.”

Leo had to admit, sitting back and watching the world devolve into chaos was quite entertaining. He could still taste the gingerbread Finn had given him, their house looking more like it had been hit by a hurricane instead of like someone had actually tried to, you know, build it. Logan’s little team was doing a whole lot better, it was looking a little messy but Katie was doing a lot of the icing and well, there’s only so neat kids can be, try as they might. 

Leo’s heart melted as it always did when he would watch Logan with Dumo’s kids. He was just so good with them and they adored him in turn. One of the spare bedrooms in their apartment had been the designated spot for where they would keep presents until they were able to give them out, and Leo was fairly sure half of the room’s contents were just Logan’s presents for the little Dumais’.

“Are rookies even allowed to be judges?” Thomas queried as Leo passed and Leo had fun getting to act all haughty. Thomas looked particularly suspicious and Leo didn’t miss the correlation between the green icing he sported and the little patch of colour in Kasey’s hair. Leo filed that little bit of information away for a day he could really use it.

“Do you think it’s a good idea to get on a judge's bad side, Talkie?”

“Hey, you love me!” Thomas protested and Noelle shook her head. 

“No, but he loves me.” She said looking at Leo and winking. “You’ve got to stay on the good side of your future in-laws.”

Leo felt himself flush even as Logan twisted in his seat to look at them. “Tricheuse!” Logan cried. “Leo baby don’t listen to her, she just wants to win.” He stuck out his tongue at Noelle.

Leo abandoned Noelle and Thomas to crouch next to Logan, smirking. “Am I not marriage material Tremblay?”

Another time, earlier in their relationship maybe, Logan would have scrambled to reassure Leo, probably tripping over his own words so many times nothing actually coherent came out. Now though, Logan just smiled at him lazily.

“The most. I just mean she loves you either way, I think there’s literally nothing you could do that would make her not like you.”

Leo kissed him on the cheek before laughing as Katie wrapped her arms around him. 

“Salut Katie!” He said, standing up to throw her in the air, Katie shrieking with laughter before Leo set her back down on her chair. Leo stood up and began to move away, but not before he missed Katie unintentionally chirping Logan, “Leo throws me high.” She said in a serious tone as Leo snorted his laughter, shaking his head as he moved away.

Regulus hadn’t been sure about building a gingerbread house with Nado and Kuny - he didn't really know them and as a general rule, he didn’t like to spend too much time with people he didn’t know. But Dima got on with them really well and Dima was his friend so here Regulus was, building a gingerbread house in Pascal Dumais’ house. Two snakes in a lion's den.

“Are you sure that will hold?” Regulus found himself asking sceptically as Kuny attempted to build a several story building. Gingerbread house - more like gingerbread mansion if Kuny had his way.

Nado answered instead just nodding his head. “Of course.”

“Fair enough.” Regulus conceded, happy to sit back and watch the proceedings. He glanced around the room, still not quite sure where he fit into this chaotic little familial like team, but happy to be here all the same. More than happy to see nothing but pure joy on his brother’s face. Hope because maybe Regulus could find that kind of happiness here too.

“D’accord!” Celeste called, clapping her hands. “Okay everyone step away from your tables, your time is up!”

The team piled into the sitting room as Celeste and Leo judged all the gingerbread houses. Sirius and James sat on the floor, with Harry playing happily with them. Remus and Lily sat snugly on the couch above them, both nursing mugs of tea and heads bent together as they caught each other up on the events of the last couple of weeks. 

Finn and Logan were having an arm wrestling competition in the corner and most of the others piled around to watch them, all yelling for someone. Logan won, Finn hanging his head in shame and then they were both immediately challenged by the rest of the team, Logan battling (and losing quite dramatically) to Katie. 

Leo and Celeste came back into the room, looking quite smug as they held up a cardboard trophy.

“We have the winner,” Leo said to get everyone’s attention and the sudden hush that fell upon the room was quite comical. 

“Drumroll!” Thomas cried and the room was filled with the rapid thuds of everyone slapping their hands against the nearest object.

“And the winner is…” Celeste drew out, “Katie, Adele and Logan!”

The trio jumped up, hugging and high fiving. 

Logan stood up on a chair and pressed his hands against his chest in gratitude. 

“Thank you, thank you,” He joked, wiping away a fake tear. “We’ve been dreaming about this for, mon dieu, I don’t know how long.”

“You weren’t this dramatic when you won MVP!” Sirius called from the back of the room and Logan winked at him before continuing. “I think Adele had the idea that secured our win though, Adele?”

The girl dashed to the kitchen and came back with their little gingerbread house, the outside entirely lined by little gingerbread people. 

“We made the team!” Katie said, bouncing on her toes. There was a rush as everyone came over to have a look and before long, everyone was grabbing their figurine and eating them.

“Goodbye little Thomas.” Talkie said mournfully before biting its head off.

“Hey, maybe now I can give myself head.” Leo muttered to Finn, who promptly choked, spitting crumbs everywhere as he flushed a deep red.  

Remus leaned back into Sirius as they munched on their biscuits. 

“This is fun. We should do it again next year.”

Sirius wiped the crumbs from his lip and tightened his hold on Remus’ waist. “And the year after that, and they year after that, and the ye-”

Remus giggled, twisting in Sirius’ arms to shut him up by kissing him. “Yeah, baby. I’d like that.”

[starryseung]

living with skz! seo changbin

chan ¦ minho ¦ changbin ¦ hyunjin ¦ jisung (will contain smut) ¦ felix ¦ seungmin ¦ jeongin

word count; 0.9k words

changbin would initially be really reserved into his own bubble

like he’d always be in his room—producing and studying

and only come out when he wants to

he wouldn’t bother you at all

and you two would rarely talk

but you don’t blame him at all because you do the same

anyone would be awkward living with the opposite gender

so this one time you’d come to the living room when he was watching tv

with your laptop which had a few black box-like drives attached to it at the back

and you just sit on the couch at a little distance from him

you’re nervous and your hands are sweating

he notices your jittery state

so he asks because you know

you two in the same room was a rare sight

“hey, y/n. wassup”

“hey! uhh, i’ve made this thing... and um i know i’m not as awesome as you, but... could you like check it out?”

“woah, really? let’s see...”

he places the black headphones you hand out to him on his ears securely, and you press play

and you occasionally look at his face to look for any reaction

but who are you kidding hahaha

he frowns somewhere in the middle but immediately goes back normal

and you can hear your organs drumming inside you

once the song ends, he removes the headphones, handing them back to you

he points at one part of the screen, adjusting the bass and tone to match the beat, calmly explaining where you’d messed up

“ahh, okay okay i get it...”

and you feel like total shit, but you keep listening to him, making mental notes to yourself

when he’s done talking, he smiles proudly

“otherwise, it’s pretty good for an amateur,”

and your eyes go wide because the seo changbin just complimented you

you thank him for his help and walk back to your room

working on what he had pointed out on

jumping on the bed in happiness

since that day, you and changbin grew closer and closer

he’d become like a mentor to you

you two started to work on songs together

and then during breaks, you two would cook dinner

almost burning the house down technically isn’t considered cooking

but i mean it was ultimately edible so,,,

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but this one time you two were craving something sweet

so he suggested baking a cake

and i meannnn

what cake would you expect from two 20 year-olds who had never baked anything in their life lmao

there was dough, sugar, chocolate flakes, sprinkles and eggshells everywhere except the mixing bowl

“changbin! you’ll get the icing everywh—”

and he drops two large blobs of icing

one on the counter and one on his shirt

so he dips his finger in one of them and plops it into his mouth

“wow why is that salty”

and you gasp and laugh at his scrunched-nose face

and you put your finger in the mess and drag it across his cheek

now he gasps

and he takes a small handful of flour from nearby

charging it towards you

you squeal and move away from him

“hey! you called my icing salty!”

“because it was!”

so yeah it was a whole lot of laughs and giggles throughout

but the cake somehow turns out edible

anyways

now you two spend almost all your free time together

fyi you two are homebodies=couch potatoes=lazy

and (assuming) he’s elder than you by like 3-4 months

he has the right to order you and boss you around

“can you turn on the fan”

“noo i don’t wannaa D: ”

and you’d whine and groan as he pushes you off your bed

so you crawl your way to the fan and hit a button

and crawl your way back as this guy giggles at your childish-ness

he behaves like he’s the elder one

and let’s you go wild by yourself 

sometimes when you walk past his room late at night to sneak in some food

you see his lamp on

so you softly knock at the wood, grabbing his attention

“what are you doing?” you ask quietly

“working on an assignment. why are you up so early, don’t you have classes early tomorrow morning?”

and you giggle softly

“i was gonna eat something”

he chuckles softly, placing his computer on the bed before walking towards you

and he walks to the kitchen with you

and you two stay up until 2 or sometimes 3 

munching on chips and biscuits

sometimes silence overtakes the four walls

sometimes its one of you (usually you) talking about how this one girl ruined your project or that one guy who talks too much during class

and he adds on to your narration with a loud laugh or an affirmative nod

you sleep over in his room every now and then

like place some blankets on the ground for a make-shift bed and sleep on those

talking about deep life topics and how in a few years you two would be going through a mid-life crisis and also how you were not ready for it

you two would also grow close really quickly

you two shared most interests, likes and dislikes

and in between his ramblings he would hear your soft snoring from below

and he smiles lovingly as he looks down at you

your tousled hair falling on your face

your cute huddled-up sleeping position

and your small snores in the quiet room as you clung onto his gyu plushie

omg uwu

once he’s sure you’re asleep

he places a blanket over you

and fixes your hair so it isn’t in your nose and mouth

and he slowly pulls out the fluffy plushie from your arms and turns off the light

because he loves his plushie more than you

lol loser💔

—

taglist: @cherryeol04 @sunshineletters​ (message me i you want to be added!)

[sourcherrymagiks]

Following on from @adamarks amazing ‘will Baz drink Simon?’ discussion earlier I dug out this old draft of a thing. So here it is.

Baz

Everything feels sore, bruised, fucked. I try to roll over but it’s too much so I indulge myself in a heartfelt groan instead. Simon is on me in a second.

“Love, Baz, I’ve got you, it’s ok, you’re ok, deep breaths ” he’s stroking my face, looking so worried. I want to give him a snarky answer so he calls me a bastard and looks less concerned but I can only manage another groan.

“We can’t heal you love, I think it’s because of the magic, I’m so sorry, I didn’t, I wouldn’t have” He looks so broken up and tearful that it’s all I can do not to drag him down into a kiss. The scar he got in the battle at Watford is hypnotising me and I want to lick it (Merlin I’m disturbed). But actually I can’t move so it would be, quite literally, all I could do.

“Not your fault Snow, mine” I croak out

He half smirks at the ‘Snow’

“Do you have to be such a twat all the time Pitch?” And the he kisses me so gently and everything is right in my world again.

Except for the aches in my everything.

Penny

“What was that Simon?” I need to corner him the second he leaves Baz for a moment and catch him off guard.

“Dunno Penny, what was what?”

I have to remind myself to be a little bit patient with him but I want to strangle it out of him. That was the most insane thing I’ve ever seen and I’ve been his best friend for years. That’s a lot of insane things to compare it to.

“Simon, please correct me if I’m wrong but did you or did you not just channel Basils magic into a weapon?”

“Oh, right, that, yes, um, we” big breath in “we have been sharing magic for a while, normally we can only do it when we are a bit” he looks at his feet as he shuffles them a bit “worked up?”

I mime gagging and he smiles at me.

“So you two just defeated the bad guy with sex magic? That you can weaponise?” I try to keep it a bit light and teasing but this is crazy.

“Not just sex Penny, get out of the gutter, also when we are,I dunno, close? Is that right? Baz could explain better”

I’m worried about Baz, no healing spells seem to be helping. He can’t stay awake long enough to explain how it hurts. I think we just have to wait for his magic to recover.

“Penny, do you know how, how I could get blood for Baz?”

“No Simon, he wouldn’t want that. He would hex me if I let you do that!”

“Not your call Penny, I can’t watch him like this, not when I could help”

I’m going to give in eventually because he’s right. It’s the best chance Baz has. But he is going to be so pissed at us. And he can be a right handful when he’s angry.

Simon

It takes me ages to get the cannula into my arm. Shep says I’m being too forceful and takes over eventually. Next time I’m just going to use my sword and let Penny heal it after. It seems to take another million years to get enough blood out of me to fill the bag. Then Penny insists I eat something (It’s weird that I’m not that bothered about eating right now) while she takes the blood through to Baz but I’m not far behind, stuffing biscuits into my mouth. I press myself up against him as he drinks, I want to warm him from the outside and the inside. His eyes are flat dull grey and he’s pale even for him. There is something a bit unexpectedly sexy about watching your vampire boyfriend drink your blood. Maybe next time we can use a more direct method to get my blood into him.

Baz

This tastes amazing. It’s sending tingles through me and I give a little shudder Snow looks flustered, he’s pressing even closer than usual, warm and soft. If I’m not mistaken he’s blushing.

Penny looks anxious and all of a sudden the realisation of what has just gone on hits me.

“You absolute moron Snow, what were you thinking. And you Bunce, we will have words, I can promise you that”

My voice is as cold as I can make it and they both shrink back a bit.

But Crowley I feel better, I feel amazing, I feel like I could cast a sonnet and hang the moon. I feel like I could pound Simon into this bed until we both scream. I should send them both out now and let them stew in fear but instead I put my hand into Simon’s and kiss him.

Bunce backs out of the room as I throw my leg over him pinning him to the bed.

The gorgeous fucking disaster has the front to thrust his hips up into mine and asks “Feeling better Pitch?”

“You are an actual fucking nightmare Snow, what did you think you were doing?”

He gasps at me but I doubt it’s because I’m using my best Grimm-Pitch chill, it’s more likely because I’m grinding into him and I’m suddenly and painfully hard.

“I’d think,Pitch, that as I’ve just healed you with my magical blood you could stretch to calling me Simon”

It’s my turn to gasp as his mouth goes to my neck and he bites down hard.

“Since when (Aleister Crowley that came out embarrassingly high pitched) do you call me Pitch?”

He’s so close to me, breathing in my ear, hands on me everywhere, driving me insane in every possible way.

“Since it makes you unhinged, Pitch”

He whispers ‘Pitch’ across my collarbone and he’s not wrong, I’m unhinged.

Simon

I should take a second to check he’s actually well enough for this but then he flips us over and I guess that means he is. And anyway I seem to have his pyjama top unbuttoned and my mouth on his chest so its definitely too late now. I stop for a moment to look into his stormy grey eyes that are alive again, dancing shadows, so many shades of grey, I could get lost in them. Except he’s hard against my hip and tugging my curls and I need to snog that smirk right off his face.

“My turn darling” I whisper in his ear and flip us over. I feel him shudder against me and he’s warm, so warm.

I slide my hands over his back and dip down under his pyjamas, grabbing his hips. I roll off him to drag them down and he laughs at my clumsy tugging.

While I’m off him I take a second to pull my own clothes off in an equally clumsy way, I throw myself over to the bedside cabinet and grab the lube. I look at him expecting more laughter or a sarcastic comment but he looks drugged and hungry.

I can’t keep my hands off him any more I lick up the inside of his thigh and he gives a satisfying groan when I reach up and start rubbing his cock. God he’s bewitching, I can hardly catch my breath. I lick up, further up. He’s writhing under me, pulling at my hair, babbling my name

Baz

This boy is going to kill me, it’s actually going to end in flames. He’s doing indescribable things to me. When I feel the chill of the lube against my skin it catches me off guard, I’m so warm after his blood, I’m never this warm.

Then he’s easing his finger inside, melting me. He’s pushing up, exploring everywhere until he hits the spot that makes me cry out. Then there’s another finger alongside it, rubbing, pushing, making my hips buck upwards. He moves his mouth to lick my cock and takes me into his mouth. I don’t stop myself from thrusting into his mouth as he hums around it. When his third finger goes in I’m so ready for it, shamelessly fucking myself on his fingers and into his mouth. It’s so hot, everything is so hot.

Simon

I need, I need this, every moan and thrust is driving me over the edge. I kiss the tip of his cock as I pull off and out igniting a stream of protests. I shove a pillow under his gorgeous arse, (seriously it’s a work of fucking art) and line myself up. I’m shaking with desire.

“You ready love?” The answering moan is more than enough encouragement, I’ve made Basilton Grimm-Pitch speechless, he can’t use his words and I love it.

I push forward and the resistance is almost too much and then it’s not, then its everything. Each tiny move forward is sending surges of want through me. Baz is gripping my hips so tightly, pulling me into him, I’m happy to let him.

“Simon,Simon please, please, fuck me”

So I do

I thrust into him over and over and over until I feel it building impossibly inside me.

“Baz, I’m gonna, can I come?” He pulls me closer and I unravel, coming hard into him, hot and hot and hot so hot everything is so hot.

I reach down to finish Baz off, he feels as hot as me then even hotter as he comes over my hand and his belly. The whole room is hot. I kiss him and there are sparks between us, fire.

“Shit Baz sorry, your flammable, I didn’t mean to set you on fire”

He laughs as he kisses me again “Too late for that love”

[itsafanficthing]

Lights Up

Oh how life changes when you look at it from a different perspective.

My arm was twisted and I wrote another part of “When the Light Fades”. You can read Lights Up by itself, or in paring with “When the Light Fades”.

A03 Link is here

(also @notevenjokingfic is the greatest and we should all appreciate her all the time)

--

Shame. She was ashamed and embarrassed. Why did she say anything? She’d ruined them. She should have just kept her mouth shut and now she had lost it all.

But how could he not see? How could he not see the way that she looked at him? She thought it was so obvious and she was so tired of carrying around her love for him. He told her that she had a glass face, so how could he have missed this?

She hadn’t thought about it, she had just gone to him, barely remembered to grab her jacket and before she knew it she was standing in front of him. What a mistake that had been.

How could he not know?

She had to tell him. It was nearly Christmas, and maybe she had watched too many terrible Netflix specials about Christmas, but it seemed like tonight was the night for a Christmas miracle. It always worked out in Christmas movies when the protagonist suddenly realised that they had what they wanted all along- so why shouldn’t it work out for her? She would tell him tonight and that would be that.

Provisions. She would take provisions. It would just be a casual hang out together and then she would tell him. She didn’t know how he would react, but she was going to tell him. It was her cancelled date that sealed the deal. Fate- some would call it. Her date canceled on her, and she didn’t really mind all that much. It had to be done, she had to tell him- she couldn’t keep living with this stupid secret.

“I bought pizza, I bought beer, I have ice-cream, biscuits, wine and I have a terrible Christmas movie that we should watch.” Claire stood in front of Jamie with her arms full of bags with her provisions. She smiled at him and loved the smile that she received in return.

“Seems ye’ve thought of everything then, haven’t ye?” Jamie stepped to the side and Claire passed him in a rush. He smelled like a bonfire, smokey, dark and subtle. It was an effort not to inhale him as she passed.

“I am nothing, if not prepared.” She made her way to his kitchen without asking. They were beyond that now. Friends for so long, if she really told him how she felt it might ruin everything. Maybe there wasn’t Christmas magic in the air. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything.

“I thought that ye had a date tonight?” 

She noted that Jamie was scratching the back of his neck which he only did when he was nervous. Was he expecting someone else to come over? Maybe she should have called. He did say that he was going on a date last night- Christ what if she was still there and Claire had crashed their date.

“He canceled,” She answered stiffly. She didn’t want to think about Jamie on another date when her own had cancelled on her, especially when she was going to tell him how she felt tonight. She didn’t want him to think that she was only saying it because hers had canceled.

“His loss,” Jamie grunted and she felt herself blush slightly. She couldn’t help it. Jamie brought something out in her that she loved about herself. He made her better and he didn’t even know it.

She opened a beer and handed it to him. “Exactly. I’m a catch.”

--

Jamie shuffled on the couch as they watched the movie, occasionally his leg would brush up against her own and at one point his arm had slung across the back of the couch. If he shifted it any closer, she would probably be cuddled into him. She didn’t think she could hold back the confession if he did that.

Jamie audibly scoffed at a scene in the movie and Claire snorted with laughter.

“Will you shut up and watch the movie?” She chastised him. She didn’t mean it. This was part of the fun of watching terrible movies with Jamie- the way that he would pick them apart and leave Claire gasping for breath with laughter.

“I’m sorry, but she’s meant to be a journalist. She types in “Christmas Surprise” and only one result comes up, and she says it’s a dead lead. She’s a shite journalist. Look what happens if I google it.” Claire rolled her eyes at him as Jamie pulled out his phone to prove his point. The movement sat him up higher on the couch and away from Claire. No chance of his arms going around her now. She was disappointed.

“See, I’ve got five videos of someone giving a christmas gift. I’ve got a news article about a pensioner brought to tears because of some gift, wait there’s one- two- three- four stories about that. I’ve got book results for bairns, and a… a fuckin’ article about Kim Jong Un’s Ugly Christmas Surprise: A Return to Threats of War. Shite. I should read that later.”

Jamie’s forehead wrinkled as he looked at the news article and Claire scoffed with laughter.

“She looked up one result and it gave her a sentence in response and she says that lead is cold,” Jamie huffed. He sounded so put out by such a simple part of the movie that Claire couldn’t help grinning at him. There was so much to love about Jamie and this was definitely high on her list.

“Yes, because that’s the most unbelievable part of this movie. Not the fact that she’s carrying around a three foot wooden carving of an angel that is supposed to help you to fall in love. No. Googling one result- that’s the flaw in this movie,” Claire said sarcastically, baiting him to continue with his outrage. True to her prediction Jamie continued.

“Also, why is the text on her computer size 42 point. What person aside from 90year olds have their font at 42point?” Jamie sounded aghast. He was her best friend, she loved him deeply.

“So your major concerns for this movie are centered around the computer?” Claire looked over at him and saw that he was frowning at the television.

“She’s a journalist. It’s meant to be a plot point for her and she’s using the computer like it’s the first time she’s ever seen one.”

Claire laughed loudly and she saw Jamie smile at her. The smile he gave when he knew that he had said something funny and it had really got to her. He had a few different types of smiles. A cheeky grin when he was trying to entice her into doing something she didn’t want to do (and inevitably ended up doing). One when he was sad, but he didn’t want her to know it, it didn’t quite reach his eyes and the corners of his mouth dipped slightly. One (like the one he did just now) when he knew that he had really made her laugh and he was satisfied with her entertainment. A smile when he saw his sister and brother-in-law, pure joy at seeing the people closest to him. Claire had only seen him look at her a few times with that smile, specifically when they were around his family and she wasn’t really sure if the smile was actually for her, or for the fact that he was surrounded by people that loved him- Claire included- and much more than he knew.

“There she goes again. Better increase that font size sweetheart, ye almost have one full word per line.” Jamie tried to get Claire to laugh again and she shook her head as she picked up her half full glass of wine.

“Shut up and enjoy it.”

“I’m not sayin’ that I am’na enjoyin’ it. I’m just sayin’ it’s ridiculous,” Jamie mumbled as he threw his phone back onto the coffee table in front of them.

“That’s the point of Christmas movies. They are supposed to be terrible and predictable, and the girl finds the prince, there’s an old man that just appears everywhere, and he’s Santa and there’s a misunderstanding and everybody’s heart is broken. But wait, what’s that? A letter in a hidden desk- everything is saved!” Claire loved Christmas movies. They were always just so terrible, so predictable, but everyone was always happy in the end. Everything always worked out and if her life could be like a Christmas movie for just one night- tonight specifically, when she told him how she felt about him, all would be well in the world.

The movie showed the woman looking around her desk, finding a hidden stack of letters and calling out to the male lead and Jamie burst out laughing.

“Have ye seen this one before?”

“No!” Claire answered in surprise, she hadn’t actually been paying attention to the movie and noticed that the woman was now holding a stack of letters. “I’m just very good at Christmas movies.”

“They’re unbelievable,” Jamie shook his head. “Imagine if I just showed up at a cabin unannounced, when ye hadn’t even given me an address. Ye’d have me arrested.”

Jamie didn’t hate Christmas movies, but he didn’t understand the hopefulness that Claire found in them. Still, if Jamie did turn up at a cabin in the woods to confess his love for Claire, she thought that she would probably be alright with it.

“I know you. That’s not that surprising. I think I’d let it pass.”

 “Aye, but if we’d only been datin’ for a week and then I turn up.” Jamie scoffed the words as if it was the most unbelievable notion he’d ever heard. Him and Claire dating - ridiculous.

Dating. They had never dated. They never would date. Claire’s Christmas miracle movie idea of confessing her feelings for him came crashing down around her. She was an idiot to think that it would be a good idea to say something to him. The idea of them together was clearly ludicrous and she was stupid for thinking that they could ever be anything more.

“We aren’t dating.” Claire said stiffly, more to herself than to him. They weren’t dating. They never would. She sat up slightly on the couch, moving away from him to pick up her wine and throw it back as quickly as she could. As soon as the movie would finish, she would smile at him, she would pack up her things and she would go. She was an idiot to think that they could ever be anything more than friends.

--

Days passed and Claire tried to go on another date. Tom. He was nice enough, he made her smile but important things were missing between them. She knew what he did (Science Teacher), knew about his family (Father, Brother, Sister), knew what he did on the weekends (lesson planning, visiting his Brother, exercise) and she didn’t quite understand his sense of humour (he laughed at things that were mildly amusing, nothing hilarious and he hardly understood any of her terrible dad jokes and puns). There was no spark there. Nothing that made her want to come back to him. They hadn’t kissed. There was no chemistry to even warrant trying. She hadn’t kissed many of her dates. She was waiting. Waiting for someone to spark her interest enough to want to kiss them. No one had done that since she was 17 and he also happened to be her best friend. Not ideal.

Jamie was free to see other women. Of course he was. Why shouldn’t he? She didn’t have rights over him. But the more that he told her about the dates that he went on, the less she wanted to hear about them. She didn’t want to hear about the girl that had gotten completely plastered and thrown herself at Jamie, begging him to take her home. She didn’t want to hear about the girl who’s cleavage nearly knocked Jamie over when she turned to ask him a question. Nor about the girl that he was seeing again because she seemed nice enough and Claire would like her because she reminded him of her.

She had been so close to telling him how she felt. She was actually surprised that he hadn’t said anything before about how obvious it was. Jenny certainly liked to point it out often enough, though Jamie just laughed it off. They hadn’t even made that pact- the one where if they were both still single at 40, they would marry each other, just for the company. They were beyond that though, and they probably would spend their lives together- just not how Claire would have liked. They would be platonic friends and Claire would go to the grave with her secret. She was desperately in love with her best friend.

--

She knew that Jamie was on a date. She didn’t want to see him. Claire wanted to wallow in misery and the best place to do that was McWilliam’s. She and Jamie had more than a few drunken nights there, the live music was always good and the drinks flowing. Jamie had described this newest date as “quiet” so she was sure that a busy pub would be the last place that they would be. Of course, McWilliam’s didn’t really start getting good until much later in the evening and the Irish Pub around the corner, O’Malley’s, had cheap enough drinks to sustain her until she could go where she really wanted.

Claire sat in a back corner early in the afternoon nursing a glass of red wine. One glass turned into two, two turned into three and three turned into a pint of beer, a vodka soda, a gin and tonic, and a shot of tequila for good measure. Claire knew that she was beyond a little bit tipsy, had been in the pub for far too long and if she wanted to even have one drink at McWilliam’s she would need to leave now. Checking her watch, she almost sent Jamie a message asking him to meet her for a drink before she remembered that he was on his date. Nadine… Mavis… no, M… something starting with M. Claire didn’t care. Whoever she was, she hoped that it didn’t last. The last thing Claire wanted to do was meet the girl.

The walk to McWilliam’s was short and the crisp evening air helped her to clear her fuzzy head, at least a little bit. She could hear the thump of music reverberating against the windows of the pub and she felt herself relax a little bit. The self pity dissipated for a moment. This was a happy place for her, and she could have a few quiet drinks before she went back to her flat and tried not to drunk text her feelings to Jamie.

Her sense of calm and peace was shattered approximately 6.8 seconds after walking through the door of the pub. A frigid breeze swung the door open as she entered and she gasped a little as the biting chill worked its way under her scarf. She turned to close the door behind her, the singer strumming lazily on a guitar while he sang Johnny Cash’s cover of a Nine Inch Nails Song - Hurt. Ironic, that he should be singing a song like that when she saw them.

Claire would be able to pick Jamie out from a line up in a Jamie look alike contest. She knew him well, knew his posture, knew how he brushed his hair, had helped him choose almost every outfit in his wardrobe and she would have picked him out in McWilliam’s from a mile away. 

(I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.)

Shit. He was on his date. His date was leaning closer to something that Jamie was saying before smiling and nodding. Claire took a step closer. Like a car crash- she couldn’t look away, except she was the car crash, she was the injured, she was the dying, she was the one who’s heart was going to stop beating. Jamie looked hesitant. Claire was only two tables away from them. She could call out to them, grab his attention, stop this from happening, but as it was as if in slow motion she felt her walls come crashing down around her.

(What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know, goes away in the end.)

She had never seen Jamie kiss someone before. Occasionally on the cheek in greeting, she’d seen him have his arm around his latest girlfriend but he always kept the PDA to a minimum around Claire. For a moment, when Jamie’s lips found his dates, Claire was shocked out of her body as she imagined that it was her sitting next to Jamie, it was her chin that he was tilting towards him, it was her lips that met his and then she blinked and she was exactly where she had been standing, staring at a couple who were blatantly making out in front of her.

(And you can have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt.)

Snip, crack, shatter, crush. The newest version of rice bubbles was Claire’s heart. Broken she turned quickly and left the way that she had come, turning at the last moment she saw Jamie’s date picking up her bag and her coat. Shit they were going back to one of their places and Claire had witnessed the kiss that had set it off.

Frozen tears stung her eyes as the early December chill shocked her system back out on the street. Hailing a taxi she simply asked him to drive. She gave him directions to her house, but at the last minute changed her mind and set a course to Jamie’s apartment.

Call it drunken decisions, call it a jealousy fuelled rage- she was going to tell him how she felt and damn it- he was going to listen.

--

Somewhere between paying the outrageously expensive cab fare and standing in front of Jamie’s front door- Claire had lost her nerve. She was shuffling from foot to foot, trying to calm her racing heart. She needed to tell him, she needed to get this off her chest, because it was crushing her and it would start suffocating their friendship soon. She’d shed a few tears in the taxi and tried to discreetly dry her eyes on her coat. She probably looked a mess and she saw the cab driver look her over twice when she finally stepped out of the car.

This was it, it was now or never. He might not even be home. He might be at Matilda’s…. Whatever her name was.

Claire knocked.

--

It took longer than usual for Jamie to come to the front door and Claire had a terrible sick feeling at the thought of Jamie needing to find pants to answer the door. She heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hallway and she tried to steady herself.

“Claire? What’s wrong? Are ye alright?” Jamie looked genuinely surprised to see her (she couldn’t blame him, she had shown up unannounced) and he was thankfully, still fully dressed.

Claire didn’t wait for an invitation, marching into his apartment, past him and waving away his questions with a brief “I’m fine, fine,”. He smelled like mossy, deep green forest and Claire almost closed her eyes at the comfort and familiarity of the smell.

She didn’t bother taking off her jacket- this would only take a minute, she just needed to get the words out. Claire’s eyes focused on the single glass of whisky on the coffee table. No second glass? Was Muriel here?

“Would ye like to take a seat?” Jamie asked. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked somewhat alarmed. 

Claire probably looked a mess, the wind had done a number on her curly hair and she could feel her hair-tie holding together for dear life.

“Is there anyone else here?” She asked, ignoring his question, still focused on the single glass. She was too agitated and she started to pace. Not the cool, calm and collected appearance she wanted to exude, but here she was.

“Just me,” Jamie paused and she could feel him studying her. “What’s going on?”

Her eyes darted quickly to his and he took a step closer to her and she took an involuntary, stumbling step away from him. This would be easier if there was a bit of space between them.

“Are ye alright?” 

“I’m fine. I told you. Fine.” Claire mumbled the words as she tried to sort out what she wanted to say, how she was supposed to say this. “I saw you tonight, at the bar, with your date.”

“Aye.” A short sharp grunt from Jamie. He didn’t sound mad, but the date wasn’t here. What had happened between them?

“How did it go?” She tried to sound casual, as if this was a completely normal thing that she did all the time. Dropping by unannounced and telling your best friend that you saw them on a date, oh, and coincidentally, that you were also in love with them.

“Fine.”

Fine? Fine? That wasn’t an answer. She saw them kissing for goodness sake. More than kissing… that was… they were… someone might have been getting lucky with a kiss like that.

“Fine was it? Fine when you were snogging her? Was that fine?” Claire’s voice broke at the end and she coughed to try and cover it. Her emotions were already running high and Jamie’s answer of “fine” was simply not good enough.

“I suppose so,” Jamie shrugged and Claire wanted to hit him for how casual the gesture was. “Claire, I dinna ken what is goin’ on.”

Claire was speechless. Was he truly so clueless about how she felt about him? Was he so unaware of the effect he had on women, that he could kiss someone like that and then when asked about it, just say it was “fine.” 

“I just… how can you… we’ve been friends for so long…”

“Aye, we have… ye are’na makin’ any sense. Ye ken we both go on dates…” Jamie sounded perplexed and Claire was sure that if Jenny was there she would have whipped him with a tea-towel by now.

Of course they both went on dates, but it was entirely different seeing the man you love snog another woman in front of you. How could he not see that?

“I know, yes, you do, I mean we do. We have. But I’ve never seen you on a date before. I haven’t seen you kiss any of your other dates before,” Claire blurted the words out before she could stop them. Whatever filter she usually had around him, seemed to have crumbled with the word “fine”.

“Aye, that generally happens when ye go on a date… ye kiss.” 

“It just surprised me, is all. I didn’t realise that you were that serious.” Claire tried to regain some of her control. It wasn’t working.

“It’s not,” Jamie answered bluntly and Claire felt her temper start to flare up.

“But you kissed her,” Claire argued. How could it not be serious when a kiss went like that?

“Aye, I’m sure ye’ve kissed yer dates.”

Claire shook her head- she couldn’t look at him. How…how could he be so unaware? How could he not know that Claire had only loved him and that the people that she had kissed, paled in comparison to what she felt for Jamie? “I’ve been waiting.”

“Waiting?” Jamie repeated stupidly. “Waiting for what?”

“You don’t know?” Claire looked up at him and half mumbled the words. Of course he didn’t know. If he did, he would have said something by now. There were no secrets between them, except this, of course.

“I don’t know, what?”

“I should go.” She was stupid to have come here and think that she had the bravery to tell him how she felt and she was stupider to think that maybe, there might be some small part of him that felt the same way. She ducked her head and tried to leave.

“Wait, what?” Jamie turned quickly as Claire tried to pass him. “Claire, I dinna understand anything that is going on right now.”

She was going to cry. She knew it. She hated crying. Did anyone really enjoy it? “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have come here, I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t…”

“Please, tell me what’s going on.” Jamie’s voice was soft and gentle and Claire paused for a moment. Perhaps there was something there. Perhaps he was just waiting for her to say it. Claire took a deep, shuddering breath.

“How can you not see it?”

“See what?”

“I love you, Jamie.” She could barely say the words above a whisper, as if saying them too loud would make them less true.

“I love ye too, Claire. Ye ken that,” Jamie said as an automatic response. She should have expected that. They had told each other that they loved each other before, but it was always “you’re my best friend, I love you, I don’t know what I would do without you.” It was never this.

“No, Jamie.” Claire took a deep breath and looked up at him. It was now or never. “I… I love you. I always have and you just… you don’t see me like that. It kills me. I want to see you happy and if dating other people makes you happy then I should be alright with it. But I’m not.” Claire’s eyes darted away from his and back. The blue of his eyes seemed to shrink as his pupils expanded in surprise. “I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me.”

Jamie’s mouth opened and closed a few times at the confession. He looked like a fish and Claire briefly fought off the grin that threatened to come to her face at the sight. But then he didn’t say anything…. And he still didn’t say anything and anything that could have been funny about the situation dissolved very quickly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it, I should go.” Claire turned quickly to leave. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t have said anything. He clearly had no idea and he clearly didn’t feel the same for her. Now she had ruined their friendship as well. Perfect.

“No, wait, don’t go.” Jamie finally said something and Claire paused with her hand on the door knob. She was trembling and she flexed her hand, trying to stop the shaking, though it was vibrating from her core.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… I’m surprised.”

Claire sighed heavily and shook her head. “I wasn’t expecting you to suddenly confess these deep down, unrequited feelings for me, Jamie.”

She hadn’t been thinking that he would suddenly fall at her feet or take her in his arms and kiss her senseless, though that would have been nice. But now she just felt ashamed and embarrassed that she had said anything at all. “I just… I needed to tell you. I couldn’t hold onto it anymore, but… you’re happy, and it’s not with me and I guess I’ll be ok with that… I just need some time. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” Claire twisted the door knob and started to let herself out before Jamie grabbed her arm to stop her.

“Claire, I just… we should talk about this. Ye can’t just walk in here, tell me ye love me and then leave. Ye have to let me react.” He sounded angry and Claire couldn’t really fault him for that, but her embarrassment was eating away at her and now she just wanted to leave, go home and lick her wounds.

“You don’t know how to react and that tells me volumes. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and it feels like I’ve just done exactly that. I should go and leave you alone for a while.” Claire sniffed and quickly wiped her nose on her sleeve. She needed to get out of there. Her face was burning with shame and embarrassment. She should have known Jamie better, she shouldn’t have said anything.

“Damn it, ye haven’t given me a chance to say anything. Ye just come in, confess these things and then just breeze on out of here. That’s no’ fair.” He was angry, she could tell. Why wouldn’t he be?

“This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Claire tried to shake her arm free from where Jamie was holding onto her. It was the only connection they had at that moment, Jamie touching her and part of her didn’t want him to let go. How could they ever go back to being friends now?

“Why did ye? Why now?” Jamie’s voice was rough and Claire winced. 

“Call it too much to drink, call it seeing you with someone else and an overwhelming sense of jealousy, I don’t know, but I don’t think that I could have held onto it for much longer. But I should go. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Claire felt like she was on the edge of breaking down. Her body was suddenly exhausted and she just wanted to go home, curl up in her bed and forget that she had said anything in the first place.

“Why are ye trying to run away from me? What’s the point in telling me that, only to regret it and run away?” 

“Because running is easier, you know that, you know me.” Claire sighed heavily.

“I do… I do know you, but I didn’t know this.” Jamie sounded defeated, betrayed almost. And why wouldn’t he? They told each other everything and she had held onto this for so long. He thought that he knew everything there was to know about each other.

“And now you do.”

“Aye. Now I do.” Jamie was frowning and Claire glanced up at him quickly. She couldn’t look at him. Did he know how much it had cost her to say anything? Their entire friendship. She had cost them both an entire friendship because she couldn’t keep her secret, because she couldn’t not fall in love with her best friend.

“Just let me go Jamie. I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and regret saying anything.” She tried to soften the blow. Maybe if she passed it off like a crush, they might be able to move past it. Maybe if he thought it was a passing whim, years from now they would be able to laugh about the night that Claire got too drunk and told Jamie that she loved him.

Jamie flinched and Claire wasn’t sure why. “Will ye? Regret sayin’ it?”

Shrugging and finally removing her arm from Jamie’s grasp, Claire shook her head. “I know you Jamie. Better than anyone else. I know the type of woman you like and I’m not it. At least I got this off my chest but probably at the cost of our friendship and I just… yes I regret it.” It was a half truth. She regretted telling him and costing them both their friendship, but at least she didn’t feel like she needed to hide it from him anymore. 

“For,” Jamie’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “for how long have ye known?”

He clearly wasn’t buying that this was passing whim, a crush that she would get over on the weekend. Claire shook her head. How much more embarrassment would she have to endure? Though perhaps it was her comeuppance for dumping this so unexpectedly on him. 

“How long?” Jamie repeated, sounding like a calm sort of anger had settled over him and that was far more terrifying than if he had just yelled at her. She may as well tell him, she’d already dove in head first, what was the point in not following through?

“Do you remember when we went for a drive to Aberdeen, when you’d just gotten your license?” Claire asked slowly, she couldn’t look at him. It was such an old memory, so many years together. “And we went to that garden… Seaton Park. We were sitting on the grass near the lake. You’d just started seeing that young blonde girl, Laoghaire and you said… you said that you wished your first kiss was better, that it was sloppy and all over the place and that was how Laoghaire kissed.” Claire remembered Laoghaire. Blonde, blue eyes, voluptuous, loud, carefree- everything that Claire was not.

“And I said that my first kiss was a disappointment as well. And that we should have just kissed each other and dealt with the awkwardness then so that our future kisses would have been better.” Frank. All tongue, so wet, not remotely enjoyable. It got better over time, but still- first kisses were awkward and messy. It would have been better with Jamie. 

Claire glanced up at Jamie to see that his jaw had dropped open, his mouth making a comical little “o” shape. She could see him trying to remember what she was talking about. He probably wouldn’t. Why would he? Nothing had changed for him that day, but Claire knew. Sitting next to him, laughing about their tragic love-lives at 17 years old, she knew that she loved him, and he would never feel the same about her. It was a discovery that was all at once exciting and heartbreaking. Finding the person that was perfect for you in every way, to know that he would never feel the same.

“You laughed at me and we never spoke about it again. But I knew. I knew then that I wanted to kiss you and only you. But you… you didn’t want me...” That was the truth of the matter. He didn’t want her. He didn’t then, and he didn’t now. Claire could feel a sob starting to well deep in her chest, but she refused to cry in front of him.

She should go. Jamie was clearly in shock and wasn’t going to be able to respond any time soon. “Goodbye Jamie. I’m sorry for this. For everything.”

She waited a moment for Jamie to stop her once more, but he was lost in his own thoughts. She looked at him, trying to memorise him- as if she would ever forget- and she almost reached out to hug him. Maybe to pretend for a moment that he could love her back and that this night wasn’t wasted, but she couldn’t. Hugging him would be heartbreaking and she didn’t want to put herself through that.

Claire quietly opened the front door and let herself out, sealing her heart behind her in Jamie’s apartment. He smelled like the earth, fresh and new- he smelled like home.

--

Claire walked down the darkened streets rather than wait outside Jamie’s place for a cab. He might run after her, and she didn’t think that she would be able to deal with that. She had spilled her heart and left it with Jamie. She wasn’t angry at him for his reaction. Not at all. She had dumped a lifetime of hidden emotions on him and he was speechless. Who could blame him?

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Jamie was calling her. She let it go to voicemail. She needed time. He needed time. She needed to go home and cry herself to sleep. He needed to figure out if he could still be friends with her, knowing that she loved him more than he loved her.

Her phone continued to buzz with calls and messages from Jamie, begging her to pick up. When she finally made her way home, safe in her apartment, tucked into her bed with tears leaking continuously from her eyes, she replied to one of his many text messages.

-I just need to be alone for a bit. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll call you later.-

Shame. She was ashamed. Why did she say anything? She’d ruined them. She should have just kept her mouth shut and now she had lost it all.

But how could he not see? How could he not see the way that she looked at him? She thought it was so obvious and she was so tired of carrying around her love for him. He told her that she had a glass face, so how could he have missed this?

How could he not know?

Just as she was starting to fall asleep she was startled awake.

A knock on her front door- gentle at first, she thought that she might be imagining it. The gentle tap, tap, tap became a steady pounding when she didn’t answer. And then her name, said in desperation- “Claire, please. Open up.”

[kellykadesperate]

Pray You Might (2/2) for @robronsoulmates who along with others wanted to see a continuation: 

They dance.

Aaron’s hand hangs loose against Robert’s waist and his shoulders seem to move in time to the music. There’s this soft haze about him, Robert focuses on it as they travel to nowhere and stare at each other.

Eventually, Aaron braves a hand close against Robert’s lower back and he snakes up and up like he’s trying to feel if there’s more of Robert he doesn’t know. There’s this feeling running through Robert as he sways, heart thudding so hard he’s sure Aaron can hear it.

There’s a change when Aaron’s hand stops moving and settles right at the centre of Robert’s back. He blinks, once, twice, and then Robert’s wearing a wedding suit and they’re younger. They’re stupid and madly in love in this way that Aaron’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get over.

He’s swept up in it for a second, remembers how his face ached from smiling so much. He doesn’t want Robert to see, so he dips his head down and for a second it hangs against Robert’s shoulder.

Robert closes his eyes around what he knows is the smallest of surrenders to what this is. He welcomes it, he’s wanted it for so long and yet knows he’s so sickeningly underserving of it all.

Aaron pulls away eventually, eyes red and wet. “Robert.” He says, it doesn’t sound like a question, it sort of hangs high in the air like a cloud until it starts raining, and he says, “The song’s stopped.”

Robert stares at him, bites his cheek to stop him from doing something stupid like cry. “Right. Sorry.” He steps back, feels Aaron’s hands return to his sides and this space exist between them that he doesn’t know what to do with.

Aaron stares at him, eyes wider, bluer because of the tears that won’t fall. He hasn’t done that, cried, not since he first set eyes on Robert again. Everything has been nearly bottled up inside and it’s so much easier that way than whatever’s happening now.

“I don’t want you upset.” Apparently, clearly, it’s the wrong thing to say because Aaron turns his head and scoffs. He looks like something inside him is hurting so badly. “I just ...”

“Why ask me to dance with you?” Aaron asks, his lip is almost bleeding from the way he keeps chewing at it nervously. His hands rub up and down his arm and he frowns.

Robert’s stunted by the simple question. He hangs his head for a second because he doesn’t want to tell him why.

“You think I’d forget everything?” Aaron gets it. He’s always got it. “We’d be in this bubble again?”

Robert nods. “Maybe.” He shrugs. “But I’m an idiot.”

“An idiot?”

“More than ...” Robert runs a hand over his chin and up towards his cheeks before blinking. “I should go.” He decides.

Aaron nods, but there’s this anger that Robert can see. It’s everywhere, it’s running through Aaron’s veins and making him scowl. “You’re good at that.”

Sometimes, there’s just sometimes when Robert feels this need to not hate himself and become buried amongst it. Now is one of those times and the feeling chases him down. “You know you make out like I walked out on you. Like I didn’t have a choice but to spend ...”

“We had choices. We had plans. We had all of that.” Aaron’s so bitter and he hates how it pours out when all he wants is for it to go away. He looks at Robert, blinks twice and sees a stranger. It hurts, it makes him almost double over. “But you broke it. You.”

You. Him. Just him.

Robert nods again like he agrees, like he understands, like something makes sense. Then he leaves.

—

Robert keeps himself exactly to himself which means away from Aaron. It’s been three months since the moment, the dance, whatever happened between them and he’s convinced himself he’s fine.

There’s an emptiness but that’s always been there. It’s getting easier because he isn’t alone anymore. Vic is fiercely determined for him to start living again and Bobby and Seb are these reminders of that.

He stands now with a hand clasped around a champagne flute and wearing a suit that doesn’t fit him anymore. He thanks access to the gym and years to claim equipment for the tightness of the fit. The thought consumes him until Aaron comes into the pub.

Seb’s in a suit, looks weirdly unordinary and Bob points out how much he looks like his little boy. He says that, says little boy and Robert’s left staring at a weedy fifteen year old boy with locks and freckles and this clear adoration for Aaron.

He sees himself something scary.

Aaron’s in a suit too, blue and lightly patterned with diagonal lines. It’s almost too grown up for Robert to consider for him and then he’s smacked around the head by years and years that have passed by.

Robert steps forward when Seb comes towards him. He seems too old for hugs but maybe he makes exceptions for Robert.

“You alright mate?” Seb nods, he has a second of his attention before he’s running towards the buffet laid on. Behind him, Aaron stood, so now he’s all Robert can look at. He supposes, no, he knows he should spin around and make conversation with Nicola considering she’s been bonkers enough to have this poxy vow renewal ceremony. He goes to, makes small steps before Aaron speaks.

“Nicola ain’t gone all out then.” Aaron actually lifts himself up a little so Robert can hear him and there’s this thumping in his chest.

Please turn around, please say something. The thought trickles through him and leaves him petrified. Then he’s thinking of turning away himself and bolting out the door.

Robert looks around the place. Aaron’s right. She’s somehow mellowed herself since Elliot became an MP and practically begged her to. “Yeah. Modest.”

Aaron half smiles. “Not that we can talk.” He pushes himself because he wants to, because he really wants to. Robert frowns faintly. “You. Me. Here.” He looks around and points to behind the bar. “Bumblebee as decoration?”

Robert thinks of it, the memory is stored away in a place he has no right to go. He closes his eyes and then breathes in. “Even this was too classy.” Aaron frowns now. “Me. You. Your uncle’s garage.”

Aaron almost laughs. His head tilts and then he looks back at Robert. He feels like he’s been whacked around the head when Robert breathes out slowly. “I’ve not seen you around.” He gulps, remembers himself. “Not that I’ve been ...”

“I’ve been busy.” Robert sticks his head down and stares at how not shiny his shoes are. “Working and stuff.”

Aaron bites his lip, remembers driving Seb to Robert’s flat and waiting outside in the car before Seb waved at him through the window. He hasn’t been inside, the place isn’t his. “How’s ...”

“Aaron, we don’t have to do this.” Robert tells him, he almost pleads with him to understand it all. There’s all this soft romantic music playing and he’s sure Seb is talking to a girl way too old for him but all he can focus on is Aaron trying when he shouldn’t be.

“Do what?”

Robert chews his gum, stands straighter. “I know Seb asks questions, hates that we’re not ...” He can’t even bring himself to say it. “But it’s OK.”

“OK?” Aaron whispers, his eyes are red and filling with tears so quickly that he can hardly speak. “You’re OK with how ... how things are?”

Robert won’t ever be. “I’m grateful.” Aaron wants to hate him so much. “Seb sort of likes me.”

“Loves you.” Aaron stammers the words out and suddenly realises how out of place this whole display is in here. He wipes at his eyes quickly and then watches Robert almost smile.

“You’re not chucking me out of the village. Vic’s happy. Bobby’s amazing. I’m OK.” Robert nods his head. “After years of being in there, being OK is ... it’s more than OK.” He doesn’t know how else to say it so he just stops speaking. His mouth closes shut and Aaron nods.

They just stare at each other for a second longer before Marlon’s tapping Robert’s back and asking him if he wants whatever a jellied biscuit is. Robert passes on it and when he turns back, Aaron’s not standing opposite him anymore.

—

Nicola gets well and truly pissed and starts talking about how proud she is of her children who are somehow changing the world. Vic and him watch her and laugh until she’s falling flat on her arse.

“At her age, she’ll be out for at least a week.” Vic says, sipping some champagne and smiling.

Robert laughs, then watches Jimmy help her up and pull her into some weird little attempt at dancing to Oh, What A Night. He supposes the party is winding down, supposes that he’ll have to sleep at Vic’s instead of driving him.

He watches Aaron from across the room. He’s talking to Eve, swirling her around a little although she protests.

“Vic ...” He starts and then stops when Bobby asks her if he can play on one of Seb’s video games. She’s off inspecting it like a mum does and he sits to watch the world go by.

Eventually, they turn the lights down and start playing soppy music. He almost immediately rolls his eyes, feels his heart tense up and he goes to ask Vic for her spare keys so he can get himself off to bed.

“Dance.” It’s Aaron. He knows his voice. He spins around slowly and Aaron’s bright red face is clear even in the darkness. He has big wide eyes and breathes in. “You. I mean ... would you like to? It’s a question. That’s a question.”

Robert stares at his shoes again. “With you?”

Aaron almost smiles, his shoulders sagging slightly. “No, with Kim Tate.” He shudders, Robert can hear it. “With me.”

“You hate dancing.”

“Well I ...” Aaron goes to say something honest and true and then pulls back slightly. “I want to now.” It seems to stand for a lot, seems to make Robert gaze at him like he’s managed to say something deeper.

“What if I’m ... I’m no good anymore. Damaged beyond repair.” Aaron’s heart breaks so deeply and he loves him still. He loves him despite whatever’s happened before he was back standing here in front of him. “At dancing.” Robert tries in vain to make up for what he’s said, clarify it somehow.

Aaron breathes in and then out again before nodding. “I reckon you are.” He says. “Still good. So good.”

“You don’t know m— that anymore.”

Aaron pulls this face, edges closer. “Maybe we can try fixing that.” He says. “Together.” His hand is suddenly around Robert’s wait, his forehead stuck towards Robert’s. There’s tiny questions bubbling between them, millions and millions that could easily burst this.

There’s Robert petrified that he isn’t worthy, isn’t enough, can’t not be hated by the man who he did leave despite not wanting to. There’s Aaron traumatised by living this scary half life that’s never given him what he’s wanted and that making him cautious of letting old feelings rush back in.

But now, Aaron brings his head into the curve of Robert’s shoulder and sways gently. He knows peace after years and it’s helped by Seb elbowing Bobby to look at them. He’s got this smile on his face and when Aaron looks up, so has Robert.

They keep dancing, swaying back and forth before Aaron feels the damn burst open and this tightness let go of him. He has his lips pressed against Robert’s within seconds and it feels like something is sparking inside of him. There’s tears rolling down his face and a hand clasped in Robert’s and the sound of Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You climaxing in the background.

And it’s them. It’s them again.

[vanmccstan]

#1 a lazy day in bed

Morning light streams through the window, a tiny glimpse of the day ahead. The rain telling you that it wouldn’t be a good one, though. There had been storms for days and today was no different, with the rain lashing down on the window in a strangely relaxing way.

Rain had always relaxed you, as a kid, your mum would put on special rain music to make you go back to sleep after you’d wake up from a nightmare. If anything, it mostly just made you sleepy.

There’s small movement from next to you which wakes you up even more. You burrow your head under the pillow and pull the crisp, white sheets of the duvet closer to your body.

“Morning, darlin’.” Van says from next to you. You poke your head out from under the pillow and look at him. He’s propped up, head resting back against the headboard. Like it always is in the morning, his hair is messy and all over the place. It bares some sort of resemblance to when he’s just finished playing a gig and his hair is everywhere. In the morning though, it’s a softer kind of look.

His half moon necklace hangs in between his collarbones and every time you see it, you wonder when you’ll finally have it passed on to you.

Maybe you’d never get used to seeing him like this every morning, you were sure that Van was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

You wriggle under the duvet towards him and you place your head onto his chest.

“Good morning.” You say, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

It had got warm in the night and he’d gotten up at around 3am to turn the fan on and had taken his shirt off at the same time.

“Sleep well?” He asks, kissing the top of your head where a mound of hair is scooped up in a messy bun. You nod gently, taking his necklace into your fingers and twiddling it around.

“Did you?” You return the question.

“No. Had a nightmare.” He says casually. He’d been having them a lot recently. He was home from touring for three short months and each and every night he’d dream of horrific things which would wake him up in the early hours.

“Another one?” You ask.

Sometimes he’d start to cry in his sleep, which really just hurt your heart. Sometimes he’d call your name and beg for you to stay, for you not to leave him, and you’d have to do your best to reassure him at 4 in the morning that you weren’t going anywhere and you never would be. He’d spare you the details every morning after he’d had one, telling you that they didn’t matter. They do though, they always matter.

He just nods his head and detaches himself from you and getting up to get some tea from downstairs.

——————

“Come on, time to get up.” Van chuckles. The forth cup of tea had been drunk and all biscuits in the packet consumed. You shake your head and pout your bottom lip out, frowning slightly. “Darlin’, come on. Stuff to do, people to see, dogs to walk.” Little Mary pops her head up from her space in the bed when she hears the word walk which causes you and Van to laugh slightly.

“Can’t, Van. Too tired.” You whine. He’s sitting on the wooden flooring of your bedroom folding the freshly washed clothes up and putting it in piles of your stuff and his stuff. Your stuff mostly consists of colour and stripes whereas Van’s is just several pairs of black skinny jeans and black button ups. There’s a white one which he sometimes wears which sends you into overdrive.

He looks up from the washing and laughs. “You were sleeping for more than eight hours, y/n, how are ya still even tired?” That’s the thing about Van, all that touring has fucked his body clock up in such a way that he doesn’t even need more than five hours a sleep a night to survive. Almost every morning, like clock work he’s up by seven and out walking Little Mary in the field which backs on to your house, the time precision is so perfect that it’s like a military mission.

Today, however, Van had got a much needed catch up on sleep and had a lie in with you.

You star fish your body out across the bed and groan loudly.

“Get back in bed,” you beg. Your phone buzzes from the bedside table with an Instagram notification and you chose to ignore it. Mostly, your Instagram is now just filled with Catfish fans speculating about you and Van. It doesn’t exactly take a genius to suss out what’s going on between you two. There are countless pictures of the boys playing gigs from the side of the stage, videos of Bondy messing around and pictures of Van lazily playing guitar or sipping coffee.

Your favourite post though is one of you on Van’s shoulders at Glastonbury three years ago, it was the summer after the balcony had been released and it was their first major festival they were playing.

After their set, you’d all mingled into the crowd the Courteeners which is when that picture was taken. It was a special day for each and every one of you.

“No, darlin’. We gotta crack on today, I promised Bond I’d go see him to work on something new.” He stands up from the floor, holding both piles of washing and then starts to put them away in the correct drawers. What a sweetheart.

“Bond can come here. Just one more hour, please?” You snuggle down under the duvet, just your eyes and the top of your head showing.

“Come on, y/n. Do I have to get you out myself?” He asks. He puts his hands on his hips and you laugh at how sassy he looks.

“Ahh... yeah.”

Van takes out a pair of black leggings a one of his hoodies from the pile of clothes and moves towards you, leaving one of the drawers hanging out with clothes stuffed into it. His hoodies are your favourite thing in the whole world, they’re big and soft and smell of him even after being washed many times. Another thing that you love about his hoodies are that they’re a ‘home’ thing. He’ll never go out wearing them, meaning that his adoring fans are left wondering how he’d look in one, whereas you can see that whenever you wanted.

Time to get up.” He laughs softly. He dips down to the bed and wraps his arms around your body and in one swift movement, you pull him back down into the bed and he comes crashing down on top of you. You laugh, throwing your head back and holding onto your chest. Van grins at you, shaking his head slightly in disbelief before planting a gentle kiss on your lips.

——————

An hour in bed turns into two, which turns into three and four. When Bondy rocks up at 3:30, baring a box of four red velvet cupcakes and with his epiphone flung over his shoulder, you think he’s going to laugh at you and Van wrapped up in the white sheets watching old re-runs of Gavin and Stacey. Instead, he kicks off him boots, rests his guitar against your wardrobe, hands you the cupcakes and lies across the end of the bed watching the show with you.

You fall into a light sleep whilst the boys watch the television, occasionally making conversation about the new and upcoming third album. At one point, Van tells Bondy to get his guitar and Bondy goes quiet for a bit. “Nah, can’t do that Van. Look, she’s sleeping.” You grin, covering your face and making sure neither of them can see you and do your best to sleep once again.

When you finally wake up, Van and Bondy have left you and you can hear them in the spare bedroom, which Van had converted into the ‘music room’. It was mostly just a place to store all his guitars and empty cases. Whenever the rest of the band came around, they’d almost always be in there together, whether that’s creating music, writing music or just listening to it, you’d always hear laughter coming from in there.

It’s the room that in a few years would become your first born’s bedroom, and eventually they may share it with a sibling. For now though, it’s a place for the band to mess around in and write the third album.

Bondy’s quiet whilst Van talks intently about the third album, expressing all his ideas, from the cover art, to the name, to the track list and why number eight is going to be his favourite. You get up from the bed quietly, trailing the duvet behind you and you make your way to the spare bedroom. You open the door, letting yourself in silently and sitting down on to the floor, covering yourself with the duvet.

The boys briefly look up from what they’re doing and smile at you before going back to discussing the album.

You smile to yourself. All is well in the world.

[scandinaviacroatiaengbergs]

Tuesday: A day full of Copenhagen fun

On Tuesday morning, once we were up and rolling, we went out by foot and double stroller and stopped into a grocery store (Netto) because we had no food in the house.  We got the kids a pastry to share, each a squeeze-fruit porridge thing, and a banana each, and these days they profess that they love “green” bananas but I really think Rowan does but Cece is a mimic so she says she does too, and then won’t finish it. We also bought a sleeve of oat biscuits, which we’ve had variants of in miscellaneous countries, and I am always a fan. So, that was breakfast. The kids alternatingly walked and strolled and we popped into assorted shops (a few thrift stores) on the way down Gammel Kongevej toward Tivoli Gardens.  Once we got to Tivoli, we checked out the ticket prices and decided that rather than getting unlimited ride wristbands for all of us, we’d go with just a few rides and buy tickets for those.  We ended up, once in the park, revising that plan, and the kids got unlimited ride wristbands, because that was the most cost-effective plan.

So, I am not sure even sure how to describe Tivoli Gardens.  It is one of the oldest “pleasure gardens” or amusement parks in the world.  It is like super nicely organized, polished, lit-up (even though we were there in the day, we could tell there were lights strung everywhere) and all of the buildings were so cute; I mean, I am not even sure I can describe them in another way.  They were like beautiful cakes, with ornate, pastel decorations on all sides. And then there were the plants! And the troops of gardeners we could see busily working everywhere! Since it is June, the flowers were all in bloom.  It was a sunny, warm day when we were there, and I am glad we arrived at about 11:30 and we stayed until about 3:00, before it was even busier and hotter.  In the period of time we were there, the kids did bumper boats, a little plane ride that goes up high and then dips down low toward water (and you can move it up and down yourself with a hydraulic lever), a small roller coaster, a little train-car things that drove around the park, a carousel with two levels, and a ride Cece called “storybook land,” which is a small, slow roller coaster inside a building that has Hans Christian Andersen moving dioramas throughout, retelling various tales in very short clips (“The Princess and the Pea,” “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” “Thumbelina,” which is Cece’s absolute favorite).  I rode one ride called  “Monsoon,” and seriously, I used to be a real fan of crazy rollercoasters, but I think I’ve lost my knack!  Perhaps I’ve aged out!  But, man, my dad and I last went to a crazy amusement park and rode some rollercoaster called the Scorpion or something when he was maybe in his late fifties, so I think I’ve just aged-out early.  I used to love them!  Anyway, the kids were pretty worn out and just rode in the stroller as we hoofed it back up to our Airbnb, because I had a phone meeting at 3:30.  During that time, the kids got to play in the backyard –with the playhouse and sandbox—for about an hour.  I could hear them, way down four flights, during my meeting.  I swear, they’re the loudest kids in all of Scandinavia, though Peter and his wife assured us the night before that they were not.  

After my meeting, we set out again, heading down to the main shopping street, Strøget, with a hope of eventually ending up at some rentable “GoBoats.”  We ate a Mediterranean dinner and tried to fill ourselves right up so we’d have energy to stay out late and see some more sights.  It was after 6 p.m., so we didn’t get to go into any of the fancy shops, but I wouldn’t have really wanted to many anyway, except for one called Illums Bolighus, which, according to the “Visit Copenhagen” website, is “the premier centre in Scandinavia for Danish and international design,” so I am sorry I missed out on that. We also walked by the Nikolaj Copenhagen Contemporary Art Center, in an old church, and that looked very cool and was probably a place we would’ve enjoyed, but it was late and they were closed.  I guess we’ll just have to take another trip to Copenhagen sometime!  We really couldn’t do it justice in a day and a half.  

Anyway, we did get down to the harbor where the GoBoat rentals were, but at that same time, we noticed a canal-side swim center, and the kids insisted on going in, so they stripped down to their underwear, and with Eric, they waded in.  It is called the Havenbadet and it is a place where local Danes get crazy with jumping off huge platforms into the water and there is, as my kids noticed, a shallow-pool area for kids.  That was fun  for a while, until they got cold, so I put them in their dry clothes and we walked back home, with, finally, a stop for ice-cream en route.  I chose stracciatella, Rowan chose banana, and Cece chose strawberry, and Eric did “clean up” and taste-testing.

The kids went to bed quickly, after a shower to get all of the canal gunk and algae off of them, and then Eric and I stayed up and strategized on our packing and whether to do laundry there, where there actually was a dryer (very rare), or whether to wait until we got to Croatia.  We opted for the latter, and just got everything packed and then, I was in bed just around midnight, after a quick FaceTime with my mom. So, the next morning, we adults got up around 7:30 and then the kids lagged a little longer in bed.  By 8:40, we were in a cab on the way to Copenhagen Airport to get our Croatia Airlines flight to Zagreb! One little tidbit  I learned from the in-flight magazine: the airline updated their logo and the painting of their planes in the last year and I don’t know what their previous design was, but their new one features like cascading squares, in red and blue.  The explanation for this design is that squares are a very important shape in Croatian culture, and I though, wow, that is interesting and probably something I should learn more about . . .

I will post more photos from this Copenhagen day separately!

[labyriinths]

overlooksouls​:

                         he wasn’t honestly sure if he wished he had better things to do or not because if h did that would mean things were actually probably pretty bad and that wasn’t a good thing. but hell it would get him out of here so there was that. he shook his head a bit as he shifted and leaned back fingers holding to the iced tea because it was actually refreshing and cool even to the touch as he proceeded to take another sip. he exhaled a bit while he was looking to her. was she really here giving him some kind of sales pitch like he could do anything about this? the town wasn’t exactly drowning in money, who did she think would pay for this? his free hand reached up and rubbed at his brow as he was listening to her. 

“ what exactly you getting at lemon? yeah heat makes people irritable and yeah that means i have a job to do and that’s the point. i got a job to get back to so why don’t you quit trying to butter me up here with iced teas, and chit chat, and get to the point. ” he suggested because he didn’t want to listen to her fill in the gaps with fancy stories. he wanted the point of this. she had called him for a non emergency didn’t want to spend more time around if that wasn’t necessary. 

as he took another drink from the glass he reached forwards and set it down quickly before he was looking back towards her with an arched brow in her direction. “ what do you want from me?” he asked curiously. “yeah crime goes up, we can agree, so? ”  

She expected resistance. Planned for it even. “I would love to know who’s been fillin’ your head with these fantasies! You’re a guest in my home, of course I’m offerin’ my freshly brewed iced tea and apricot biscuits--which by the way, you haven’t even tried yet. No need to be an ulterior motive for such gestures.” she smiled pleasantly, pushing the dish a little closer to him on the table. Lemon wasn’t exactly as subtle as she believed herself to be. 

She laced her fingers together again, figuring she might as well continue before he really did get up. “Now, I admit-- I called for this ‘brilliant meeting of the minds.” She knew for this to pass at any obstacle it needed to come from someone else. Because like Shane was doing to her now, most did to her ideas. Shut them down, accompanied to a tall task of scheming. While this could certainly be construed as scheming, she felt like it was a scheming adjacent. 

“Let’s be honest, an idea is only as great it’s delivery. An idea like this comin’ from someone who--” she looked at him with an earnest look in her eye. “without takin’ any offense of course-- doesn’t normally partake in such discussions. That will certainly leave a lasting affect wouldn’t it?” She got up from her seat and started demonstrating with her hands.

 “Just imagine in the summer with all the strawberry pickin’ tourists everywhere around our little ol’ town. Out and about in this horrid heat, being refreshed by the misters and investing their hard earned money in our businesses and keepin’ them occupied enough so the crime rate would even take a dip because everyone’s just so happy.” She walked over to where he was seated and sat down on the arm of the sofa. "I could help you for the pitch. An' you could bring it up at the next town hall meetin."

[crowlentil98-blog]

Where to Eat in Austin Right Now According to Neighborhood

This definitely sounds crazy, but I’m starting to think I’ve eaten almost everywhere in Austin that I want to at the moment. That being said, the last six months have been the most exciting time in the culinary scene as I’ve seen chefs take risks and branch out to showcase what they really want to cook and eat. I’ve been most impressed by the concepts that don’t replicate any others in town and the ones that we have been NEEDING such as Uncle Nicky’s, an Italian cafe and bar with meat sandwiches, gelato, and cocktails, Bar Peached which is in the corner of Clarksville that always needs new spots to grab a nice cocktail and a bite, and Intero on the east side which changes the menu daily and uses whole animals and ingredients to prevent waste.

Full disclosure- I do need to revisit a few old school places like Fonda San Miguel which I haven’t been to since college and Vespaio, and I have only eaten LA BBQ catered. I want to try the Indian food truck Bombay Dhaba on South First, and El Dorado and Little Deli up north. Otherwise, I’ve eaten my way around the Austin sun in the last two years. People say I’m lucky or wow how do you do that. Guys, these restaurants are open to the public (YOU), and you don’t have to eat at your same breakfast taco shack 5 days a week!! The only place I frequent is Casa De Luz, the holy vegan spot when I need a healthy reboot and some home cooking! Otherwise, here are my favorite spots right now new and old in each neighborhood when you’re looking to sift through all the noise.

SOUTH AUSTIN:

(South First, South Congress, Bouldin, South Lamar)

Asian!

American!

Vegan!

Pizza & a Show!

Mexican!

Fresa’s – Who goes to a Mexican restaurant to get ice cream? Me! James Beard nominee Chef Laura Sawicki makes the best cookies in cream with fresh oreos and chocolate brownie. It’s casual and ideal for to-go or big groups when you want margaritas and perfectly cooked chicken. I also love their vegetable sides that are more creative than rice and beans like sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, beets, etc.

Matt’s El Rancho – C-L-A-S-S-I-C Tex- Mex. If you’ve been looking for Bob Armstrong dip, it’s here.

Polvo’s – I love watching them bake the fresh tortillas and the salsa bar. Fish fajitas all the way.

El Borrego de Oro – Best tortilla soup. That’s it.

Vera Cruz Al Natural @ Radio Coffee – My favorite breakfast taco in town. Only at this location. Fish tacos are good, too!

BBQ!

Bakery!

DOWNTOWN + RAINEY STREET

French!

Chez Nous – You won’t even know you are in Austin until you leave and head across the street to Antone’s. Escargot and Fish!

Le Politique – On the west side of downtown. I like best for brunch. Get the cinnamon roll and hash.

Perfect before a show!

La Condesa – The restaurant that started the 2nd street population. Great for birthday dinners in their subterranean private room.

Fareground – A food hall where you don’t have to commit. Tacos, Italian food, golden milk, matcha lattes, Monster Cookies, Sushi, Ramen, and Israeli food.

The Back Space – Perfect pizza and antipasti veggies before heading out to a show on Dirty Sixth.

Lunch!

Koriente – Not much of an atmosphere, but it’s for the healthy Asian lunch spot with rice bowls and curries. I add spicy tuna to my veggies bowl.

Walton’s – Quick sandwich, soup, salad, bakery. Get the golden egg snickerdoodle for dessert.

Holy Roller – Punk rock diner ideal before or after day drinking. I like the grilled cheese with avocado.

Second Bar + Kitchen – Something for everyone and good for business.

Nice on Rainey!

East Austin

Breakfast + Brunch!

Fun Dinner!

Il Brutto – This might be the only Italian restaurant in town that actually has a true Italian chef cooking in it! He makes 7 handmade pastas daily, pizza dough that is fermented for two days so it’s fluffy and crunchy, and their happy hour is 1/2 off all drinks from 5-7 p.m. I love the lasagna, lamb, and complimentary limoncello at the end.

Kemuri Tatsuya – This is one of the most fun places in Austin because you can’t get this food anywhere else. Think Izakaya meets Texas BBQ. Good for big groups.

Intero – They change their menu regularly and used to work at the iconic Jeffrey’s. You’ll see the same ingredients sprinkled throughout the menu because they are big on no waste and using whole animals. Their pastas are great.

Suerte – Masa, masa, masa! I love the bar here, good wine, and a fun, intimate setting. It’s bright, has flamingo wallpaper in the bathroom. The brisket tacos and carrot dumplings are my favorite.

Buenos Aires Cafe – This is one of the oldest restaurants in Austin and on the original east side! I haven’t eaten here in years, BUT they have an awesome speakeasy bar in the back called Milonga Room and the fries are dank. You have to call or text to make a reservation Thursday- Saturday. They have live music and great wines. 512.593.1920

Launderette – Chef Rene Ortiz and Laura Sawicki run the show here so it’s flawless. I love all the Mediterranean influence yet great burger and chicken thighs. There’s a reason everyone talks about the birthday cake ice cream sandwiches only served at dinner. Don’t worry the breakfast pastries are fabulous, too.

The Brewer’s Table – The menu here is quite intriguing. They brew their own beer here and use wheat and hops in some of the food. Have no fear, if you are a wine over beer drinker like me, this spot is still for you. I love the large format family style dinners and their rabbit carnitas tacos are my favorite in town. Not sure how this place can have the best tortillas but they do!

Justine’s – This is the sexiest restaurant in town. It’s one of the only super sceney yet local places where I feel like I’m in NYC again. The staff has outstanding individual style, they don’t care that you have to wait 2 hours, the murals in the outdoor tents during the winter are gorgeous, and the steak tartare and mussels are memorable. This is where I want to go on a date or with my best friends for a night out.

Easy dinner!

Thai Kun – The Asian food trucks are actually my favorite in Austin. Thai Kun also happens to be outside my favorite cocktail bar, Whisler’s. Get the Cabbage Two Ways (fried and raw) with holy basil and mint and the Khao Man Gai Thai Steamed Chicken with rice. Mmm.

Hillside Farmacy – Go for the kale salad and mac ‘n cheese. It reminds me of a cute corner spot that would be in Brooklyn. Fun for a girls dinner or a good cocktail at the bar with a date. It has old school pharmacy style seating but very chic.

Sour Duck – This is almost the definition of Austin. Casual, outdoor beer garden feel, order food at the counter. Lots of meat and some veggie options. Waiter for cocktails AND parking.

Bakery!

Paperroute Bakery – This place holds a special place in my heart. This young twenty-something baker named Aaron is a one man show waking up at 2 a.m. to start baking in his 500 square foot bakery attached to Cenote. Go for the blueberry pop tarts, bundts, and place an order for your next birthday cake.

CLARKSVILLE/TARRY TOWN/ HYDE PARK/CAMPUS

Casual Good Food!

The Beer Plant – This all vegan restaurant with a brewery blew my mind. I love that it wasn’t showy and felt just like a neighborhood spot that ANYONE vegan or not can actually eat at every night and not get sick of it. It was PACKED on a Wednesday. Get the special soup of the day because it’s served with their awesome bread and the eggplant curry. All the sandwiches looked so good I wanted to steal a bite from my neighbor when he went to the bathroom.

Texas French Bread – An Austin classic right by campus since 1981! Feels like it must have been the only bakery and place to get fresh breads in town at one point. I love their brunch and superb omelette. Great salads and easy sandwiches. Cookies for all, and best of all, beautiful lighting.

Better Half – I have all my meetings here. I’ve never seen a better place for coffee, cocktails, AND food. I also feel very Brooklyn here with the well dressed crowd. Men in real, fitted t-shirts. Go for the fried chicken salad, cauliflower tater tots, and biscuit with homemade jam.

40 North – This is my all around favorite pizza place. The crust has height, is fluffy, and holds the sauce and toppings well. It’s in a cute little house ideal for lunch or a casual dinner. The Mediterranean cauliflower and bibb salad are enough of a reason to come if not just for pizza!

Uncle Nicky’s – This tiny Italian cafe and bar in Hyde Park made me squeal when it opened in 2019 as there is nothing like it. I can get an assortment of negronis, Italian meat sandwiches on the best homemade roll in town, kale salad with truffle honey, and my absolute favorite: sardines with salsa verde and ritz!! Come here for an early aperitif or stop on your way home. Best solo or with one other person due to space.

Shoal Creek Saloon – If you are looking for a bar withe peel n eat crawfish and shrimp, here you go. Skip the gumbo and go for the fried okra.

Pool Burger – Backyard burgers served out of a food truck, tiki cocktails, crinkle cut waffle fries, and necessary soft serve.

Nicer Outing!

Clark’s – This is go-to for seafood. The only place in town where I can get a perfect bowl of ciopinno + oysters. The burger is my favorite in town,  and don’t forget they are open for brunch, and the pancakes are awesome.

Bar Peached – This menu is wild and crazy, kids! I love the cucumber vodka cocktail, and the chimichurri carrots. It’s like asian ingredients meets Texas with unique tacos and even pastas made with udon noodles. It’s situated in a cute house in Clarksville and has patio seating that feels separated.

BURNET ROAD/ALLENDALE

Easy Lunch or Dinner!

Picnik – All hail anyone looking for fresh, mindful ingredients and those we are allergic to gluten, soy, corn, or peanuts. They don’t let any of that in their kitchen! Think butter coffee, matcha lattes, breakfast hash + tacos on Siete tortillas, my favorite cauliflower steak with capers, raisins on a bed of hummus, roasted chicken, and their paleo blondie.

Tiny Boxwood – A ladies who lunch spot from Houston. Just come for the cute, outdoor courtyard and chocolate chip cookies!!!

Pacha – A tinsy coffee shop that has my favorite pancakes in town. They serve their eggs on top of them, too!

Bakery!

Kellie’s Baking Co. – Known for their ginger cookies with instagram photos pasted on the front, I prefer the brookie which is half chocolate chip cookie/half brownie/topped with mallow! It’s so gooey and doughy. I love their stuffed reese’s and twix cookies just as much!

Tiny Pies – Mini pies great to bring to a party or a birthday. I like the fruit ones best.

SUSHI 

This gets its own category because there are so few in town!

MUELLER

Source: http://www.chekmarkeats.com/where-to-eat-in-austin/