#there’s actually so much to unpack here it’s nuts

[gwandas]

The Nesta/Papa Archeron relationship that was depicted in ACOSF was objectively bad but if SJM was like… an inspired genius (she's not, obviously), that would've been such a juicy depiction of a terrible father-daughter relationship.

Like? Elain implying a 14 year old Nesta had control over her parent because he feared her? The whole complex Nesta has about not deserving his love? So much so that it sent her spiraling and was the catalyst for the whole book? I'd actually love to dive into all this but it’s too bad SJM wants her readers to take all that garbage at face value

[hey-august]

Buggy detaching his head to get a better look is so good. Reader insert watching Buggy detach his cock and fuck himself with it while they watch is also so fucking good.

You wanna see how he does it. Maybe you’re not secure in your pegging or assfucking abilities yet, maybe you just want to see what feels the best for him, maybe seeing your clown burrowing his face in his pillow face down, ass up just really fucking gets you going. Whatever the case, I’d be a happy little voyeur for sure. Maybe you’d even get in on the action a bit and literally grab him by the balls just to set the tempo a little, hear him gasp when you go a little deeper but slower and watch his toes curl.

Bet Buggy has a love hate relationship with this stuff at first, his powers can be so fucking sexy, but in his mind there’s something slightly pathetic about using them on himself like this…. But he’s a showman at heart, so it doesn’t take long for you to get those sweet whimpers out of him when you tilt your wrist juuuuust so and to groan into the pillow when you pull him out of himself completely, just to admire how a string of precum connects to his loosened hole as it clenches around nothing.

He can’t deny it, you being so into it gets him bashful…. But also it gets him going… the shame makes him want to crawl in a hole…. And his cock harder than anything… And if that wasn’t enough, then that hungry, mesmerized look you give him after he came and he can feel himself drip out of himself…. Well if anything could convince him to try this again it would be THAT.

This was shorter at first but I have a mighty need right now. Uh. Something something a clowns speciality are cream pies after all. *rimshot*

Listen. Listen, anon, I don't even know where to start, how to follow, what to say, what to feel—

Like what can I do after you dROP THIS WHOLE ENTIRE MEAL?? IT'S DELICIOUS. IMPECCABLE.

And there is SO MUCH to unpack and explore here. Let's talk about some:

It's pathetic using his powers like this? Sir, yes it is. It actually isn't, but it is. Buggy detaching his dick and fucking himself silly is the kind of thing that happens when the horny thoughts drown out everything rational. The kind of thing where post-nut clarity hits TOO HARD. But not hard enough, because you know this guy has done it more than once.

They way he can fully indulge in making himself feel good is one thing, but to show other people? To show you? To let you see what kind of pervert freak he actually is? Why…why is that a turn on? Fuck. Has he always been this tight?

Okay, let's add more to the perversion. Just imagine his dick (no ball attachment this time) sliding in. Like, all of it. Gone. Hell, maybe it even took a few tries to get it all in and stay in. Now it's hidden deep in his body and leaving him so full that there isn't any more space for the embarrassment. Maybe just a little bit of pride when you coo and tell him what a good job he just did. Pride that does actually melt back into embarrassment when you ask him to push it back out. Buggy does it anyways, whimpering, shaking, while you continue pour compliment after compliment on him.

"just to admire how a string of precum connects to his loosened hole as it clenches around nothing." EXCUSE YOU, I NEED A COLD SHOWER

That's delightful for so many reasons. Buggy has been stretched out by his own dick. That's kinda fucked up, right? That's what he thinks, but damn, it is wonderful. It's wonderful to work him up to that - to use Buggy and fuck him until it feels like he was made for that purpose.

AAHHHHHHH.

Now, tell me. Did you end this with cream pies and rimshot on purpose? Like, on purpose on purpose?

Because

BECAUSE.

As tired and exhausted as he is, Buggy decides not to use what little strength he could muster to turn down your next request.

Honestly, his head is still fuzzy. Buggy's still stuck in that space where he just wants to be used and played with.

So when you ask him to clean up, Buggy is more than willing to let you detach his head and hold it oh so gently while licks and sucks his tender hole clean.

Has Buggy tasted his jizz before? Yes. Many times.

Has Buggy eaten ass? Yes.

His own ass? Well, yeah. He'll reluctantly admit to a little lick. Only because he was curious.

Has he ever slurped his own cum out of his gaping asshole? Now he has.

Meanwhile, you get to enjoy the pathetic little whimpers that escape in between the absolutely filthy wet noises he's making.

You enjoy how he's leaving his face paint all over his own ass cheeks.

You can scratch his scalp and press soft little kisses to the crown of his head, feeling Buggy's needy moans reverberate in your own skull.

You can stroke his dick, which is trying so damn hard to get fully erect and earn another fucking. But the poor thing is tired. It twitches and leaks whatever is left to release, giving up on another climax.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe…maybe the next day, actually. Looking at your worn out clown who has literally fallen apart before you, you decide that he deserves a break. And some sweet sweet cuddles.

[rocketinthesky]

Hi! Hope you're having a good time💜 Any opinions the Haasbands? (Kevin x Nico)

OMG HI! Hope you’re having a great time too

As for the ask game

HAASBANDS?!? BOY DO I HAVE SOME STRONG OPINIONS ON THIS !! So sorry op this might be posted a bit late cuz i have TOO MANY THOTS AND FEELINGS OVER THEM OK LETS START:

Obviously, the HISTORY. Ik the most “relevant”/spoken about F1 rivalries are brocedes/lestappen these days but we really have to look into Haasbands cuz they’re THE enemies to lovers story, like actual rivals who fell hard for eo.

We all know about the infamous “suck my balls” comment from Kevin, about Nico and Kevin butting heads on track, how they apparently hated eo till suddenly they’re teammates and they mesh so well tgt that Nico calls it a fucking “romance”.

There’s soooo much nuance to their dynamic to unpack here though. The general consensus is “guard-dog kevin” and “level-headed nico” but LETS TALK ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS OF THEIR DYNAMIC PRE-MARRIAGE OK. In an interview, Kevin talked about how the “hatred” was one-sided, that despite the hot-headed comment during that interview, Kevin has never disliked Nico, rather he always respected the older as a fellow driver.

This flips the “level-headed nico” characterization on it’s head because look: pre-marriage Hulknussen was basically a one-sided rivalry where Nico was a petty bitch and giving Kevin the silent treatment, whilst Kevin was leaving all the rivalry and anger on the track, more or less wilfully oblivious to the “enemies” narrative. He respected Nico as a person and just was chill with him off track, but on track Kevin fights for his life no matter who he’s up against.

Now post-marriage Haasbands arc brings us two dudes who are much more mature, definitely have a much different perspective in life (cuz of the families they’ve built). They’ve grown as people obv and when they were more or less forced to be co-workers they had to suck it up like real adults and act like professionals.

But when they were actually working tgt, they found that it was easy. They got along on a fundamental level. Kevin always held that respect for Nico as a driver and person and when Nico actually allowed himself to give Kevin a chance, to talk to the guy and see him for the person he is off-track, not just as the aggressive and fearless fighter in the car, he grew a genuine respect and appreciation for Kevin as a person.

Among all the ships, i’d say Haasbands is the most sane one. They go from genuine rivalry/one-sided hatred and one-sided ignorance, to a friendship, mutual respect, peaceful relationship.

Obviously that’s just the brief overview of it but let’s not overlook the INSANITY within their dynamic cuz i am in no way discounting “guard-dog kmag”. He’s a fiercely protective warrior on the track and we’ve seen firsthand how he will fucking kamikaze for fhe sake of nico getting a point, how he will openly speak up about anything unfair that happens with Nico, like with nico and daniel’s crash this year. Kevin is a man in love and he’s a man who will lay his life on the line for it.

NICO. He’s level-headed alright. He’ll very calmly with the sweetest smile on his face threaten any lifeform that harms Kevin in any way. He’s a sweetheart sure but he’s just as nuts for Kev as kev is for him. His raw thoughts on Kmag’s race ban is a prime example of it.

These two are like actual fuckin husbands, they’ll protect eo to the end. And the domesticity between them makes me gag like ok get a room guys we get it yall are in LOVE

the kmag birthday clip? Them watching sports tgt outside of WORK duties? The way they’re constantly complimenting each other without faltering, almost tryna one-up eo in a compliment battle in the driver rankings videos? The compliments outside of those too like they are genuinely obsessed with each other?! I could go on but we’d be here all day so. Just know they’re sickeningly, tooth-rottingly sweet with eo

Welp i’ve rambled long enough lmao sorry if u subjected urself to my disjointed thoughts i just have so many Feelings™️ about haasbands they’re one of my otps lol they’re just so PERFECT they’re THE enemies to lovers like real fuckin enemies to lovers.

(As for my nsfw thoughts i think they’re pure switches but Nico lets his short gremlin male-wife take care of him more cuz he’s very fond and will do wtv Kevin wants THANK YOU)

[llamagoddessofficial]

Thank you @robobbin for this adorable commission of Mafiafell Sans caring for their OC sick at home. You know I can't live without big scaryboys absolutely melting when their darling is unwell <3

---

“hey sweetcheeks.”

You looked up from your position nestled on the couch, a flash of hot confusion and embarrassment momentarily awakening you from your feverish stupor. That... wasn’t the voice you expected to hear, coming through your front door. You lifted your head up a few inches- movement in inches was all you could manage right now.

... It was Sans. Sans was in your house. He had a nice, pressed red shirt and black pants- your spare keys hooked onto a claw, two plastic bags over one of his big arms, and an unreadable lilt to his shark grin.

“... Sans?” You mumbled, eyes widening into saucers. You felt your cheeks immediately get even hotter. 

Your fever hadn’t improved, as you’d hoped it would. In fact, it had only gotten worse as the hours wore on; moving and thinking had grown increasingly impossible. In a total mess, you’d called Papyrus, asking if he could bring over something for you to eat... though you didn’t actually recall what he’d said back to you, most of it just blurring together in your head.

... You’d been expecting Pap. Pap knew you, he'd already seen you weak and gross before. Pap had carried you home from the gym, once, after you made the mistake of trying to keep up with his workout.

You were not anticipating the arrival of his hot brother, whom you had a massive crush on. 

Despite feverishly sweating, you pulled the blanket further up over you. You felt embarrassed to be seen like this.

“sorry, i know you were expectin’ boss.” He put both of the plastic bags down onto the coffee table, crouching beside the couch to be closer to your eye level. You twisted your hands in the blanket, his proximity making your heart thump. “he’s swamped with work, so i’m droppin off the emergency goods instead. though i’ll be sure to let him know you missed him.”

“... O-oh.” Your mind was fried. You stared- he looked great. It felt like the longer you knew each other, the better he dressed, it was amazing how his presence could simultaneously make you feel so much worse but also so much better. “N-no, it’s okay. I’m... fine. You’re fine.”

He chuckled, musically, eyelights warm. His voice felt good in your painful chest. “i’m fine?”

“N-not like... fine as in hot. Fine as in okay.” Your cheeks were just on fire at this point. The fever had removed any and all barriers between your head and your mouth, so words just waterfalled out. “Not that you’re not hot. You are. You’re very hot. You.. uh,”

... Shit. Again, that little edge to his smile. You wanted to sink between the couch cushions and die.

Rather than make fun of you, Sans just gently reached over you, placing a cold compress against your forehead. He was so close you could smell him.

��you’re burning up. and ya look terrible. i’m gonna stay over and watch you.”

"N-no-!!" You blurted, nearly sitting up. The guy you liked, staying and seeing you completely out of it, at your absolute worst? No???

He grinned. "sorry, pet. not gettin' rid of me until your fever goes down."

... You covered your face with both hands. This was mortifying. Were you glad he was here? Absolutely. You didn't want to be alone right now, and his insistence on staying despite your protests felt good. But you still wanted to die.

“pap really went nuts with the food when he found out you were unwell. y’know he’s got a list of all your allergies? let’s see...” You could hear him start unpacking the bags, placing things onto the table. “some funky soup. saltines, popsicles, iced coconut water. ginger candy... whole bunch of herbal teabags. you ever had sea tea?”

You kept one hand on your face, gesturing randomly with the other. “Soup. Soup please.”

“soup comin’ right up, gorgeous.”

You tried to say thank you, but just a weak grumble came out, the room was spinning again. You heard him move into the kitchen... so you just let yourself sink back into the couch, comforted by another person’s presence.

...

You didn’t know how much time passed, he eventually returned. You could smell something nice.

"hey. can ya sit up a lil, for me?'

... You didn’t really respond to his query. Curled in blankets like a feverish squirrel, you merely made a sound in the back of your throat to acknowledge him. The fever was getting worse.

... Big hands, on your body. There was movement... Sans shifted you, everything spun. You were vaguely aware of him sitting you up, supporting you with one big hand- you did your best to just watch his face, focus on his lovely red eyelights.

"c'mon. soup’s ready. here comes the airplane."

... Despite the state of you, that made you giggle. And judging by the smile that filled your wobbling vision... he liked the sound.

///---///

...

... He was probably enjoying himself a little too much.

Sans shifted his legs into a slightly comfier position from his spot in front of the couch. This definitely wasn’t what he thought he’d be doing today. He’d been planning on going out for a drink, maybe crossing some names off a list while his blood was up- the usual stupidity he filled his free time with.

... Then he got Pap’s call about you. And instantly, it had felt like nothing else in the world mattered.

Now, here he was; in his crush’s house, spoon-feeding her warm soup, trying to keep a nonchalant face while wrestling with an (emotional) noisy Soul.

... i haven’t felt like this in a long time.

You were so cute. His nasal ride wrinkled, and he pinched the soup spoon a bit tighter, restraining the urge to grab your cheek- he felt bad for not being able to stop thinking about how cute you looked, when you were so unwell. But he couldn’t help it. All snuggled up in blankets, hair frizzy and unkempt, glasses askew, flushed and warm... you had a twinkly, glazed look to your eyes, not too dissimilar from the look people got when they were drunk. He’d been fighting the urge to ruffle your hair this whole time.

...

Sans bit his tongue. This was mundane, compared to his normal life. Some might even consider it a chore. But... he hadn’t felt this nice in so long. He felt... useful. Wanted.

When was the last time someone had been openly, willingly, weak around him? When was the last time someone was in a state of fragility, and wanted him nearby?

Mushy feelings filled his chest. Soft. Overprotective. He was hyper-aware of how sick you were and he didn’t want to leave your side, not even for a second, not even to go home. Even just acknowledging those emotions made colour rise to his cheekbones... he hadn't felt anything like this level of protectiveness since Pap was just a babybones.

... But damn... it felt good to be needed.

...

Warm fingers curled around his hand.

He very nearly jumped out of his fucking seat at the sensation- he fumbled the soup spoon, mumbling out a little ‘shit’ as he broke out of his thoughts, turning to look at you. 

... Your tiny hand was wrapped around two of his phalanges. Sparkly eyes peered up at him.

fuck. His Soul thudded in his throat. don’t look away from me.

"... h-hey. c'mon." His voice was shaky. "that ain't fair."

"Huh?" Came your bleary reply. so fucking cute. stop it.

"you've stolen my hand, doll."

... You looked to his captured hand, slowly. Like you only just realised you had it.

...

"... Mine now." You mumbled.

...

He tried to muster up a quick joke, like always. Tried to come up with a sharp-witted response. Something with swagger, something with a flirtatious edge, something with confidence that would show you how cool and collected he was. 

...

Nothing came out of his mouth. It was like trying to start an empty car.

“... o-oh.”

...

"... You're great." You said, eyes fluttering closed.

"... huh?"

"Great guy. Handsome guy. Nice to me." It didn't sound like you intended those thoughts to be said out loud. He felt his eyelights flare- his Soul was thumping against his ribs.

Words banged at his tongue, but the only sound he managed to get out was a tiny shaking hum of affirmation.

You drew his hand up toward your face, he absolutely had the strength to stop you but he felt like he’d been flashbanged. All he could do was watch... as turned on your side to get cosy, pulled up his hand to your face... and happily nuzzled the back of it.

“My big guy.” You murmured.

...

Just like that, you were asleep.

...

Sans used his free hand to cover his face. His whole skull was carmine red, glowing like a campfire. It made him look almost as feverish as you.

...

i never want to leave.

[proboblynotstriaght]

Episode 46, there shall be no sad things in this episode I have decided (/delutional)

spoilers under the cut

Rich roleplaying a terrified Kremy jumpscare

"I feel like we need to unpack everything we just saw in those hags pasts"

Meta moment : Jabberwock not Jabberwocky

"It's like Kleenex and facial tissue"

"Wow, right, a sword in a stone what a novel idea" - Nikkie

"I feel like you keep bringing up your irritable bowel syndrome, do you just want to talk about it?"

"What if your growing some of those tiny little fuckers inside of you because of all the cookie you ate?!" "Gricko stop! Gricko stop! Your scaring Torbek!"

"Torbek can feel the cookies coming back up!"

"How about when you take one little bite and you realize it's not fucking licorice, you stop, you don't have to keep eating it" "Torbek have you ever actually had licorice?"

"It tastes much worse than a rubber hose I'm sorry to say" "You'll never mistake the two again"

Frost : Well I wouldn't say that

Gricko : oh yeah I forgot, you do like licorice

Gricko in frost voice : "Oh happy Salem's, deception or confection, my favorite house to go to is the old lady houses with black licorice and apple slices"

Frost has been assigned trick or treating loser by dm

Richie : Think strategically, he's the guy with plus 5 int

Derek : I might need to uh, (grabs a twist)

in frost impression "I swear this has never happened before"

"let me just put on my glasses"

"*sigh* it is jabberwock, this, this must be what gricko feels like all the time"

"Your right Gideon I don't think you could pull the sword out of the stone" "Well hold on I never said that, I'm going to pull the sword out of that stone right now!"

"We-well hold on Gid" Kremy trying and failing to hold back his husband

"Give me one secundo" "Secundo these nuts!"

"Gideon's trying to vandalize public property" "That's never been an issue before! You've never been concerned about that even once before" "Well when it's private property of an evil fucking hag I get concerned"

their faces as they watch the couple argument is so fucking funny

"We're gonna talk about this afterwards is all I'm gonna say"

Live friend reaction :

"NATURAL 20!" "A 28 is not enough"

THE LOOK OF DESPAIR ON THIS MAN'S FACE

"I'm just kidding, a 28 is enough"

I'm only half an hour into the episode I am taking as many screenshots as I can before it all goes to shit and I already hit the 30 image limit and I have more, I'm sobbing

edit Part two is here

[charmikarma]

hallo it's me. (crookedgrifter) I'm back and I want your davejade / davejadekat thoughts. gimme

my thoughts huh ... i sure am a rambler so you're gonna get a whole essay on this

i guess in thinking abt davejadekat it always starts with jade. which is well enough because davekat has been talked to death at this point, hasn't it? i don't think i could tell you anything new or interesting about that dynamic at this point.

ANYWAY. jade. i kind of get into this in my polar express fic which ik you've read, but she is SO lonely. what the fuck are you supposed to do for ~10 years alone on an island with just a dog?? a dog who could take you somewhere else, somewhere with people, but he won't. and maybe jade knows why because of her dreams on prospit, but also maybe not! either way i think she puts a lot of faith in her dreams. it's kind of the only hope she has for the future.

i think she also has some hope in dave, this really cool dude she has this awkward internet middle school crush on. and dave is super cool to her too! i think it's implied he furry roleplays with her even?? cutest shit ever. i think this is the thing that has made me always love davejade ... they are just. so sweet to each other. dave clearly cares SO much about her.

the other thing about jade is... she's kinda fucked over repeatedly by the narrative, isn't she? she's the last beta kid introduced, so she has a lot less time to develop. the closest she really gets to developing is being really pissed off at karkat after her dreamself dies (i'll talk about this in a sec). her arc basically ends at cascade. her character arc ends in the dead middle of the comic, in a flash animation that contains exactly 0 character development. hussie says so himself in the author's notes. (don't even get me started on the author's notes jesus christ.) everything that happens on the boat is pretty much irrelevant, because it gets retconned out. instead she spends 3 years completely fucking alone, and we like... barely unpack this in canon.

so her life story up until this point is basically: raised by grandpa till ~3-5ish > living on her own till 13 > meeting dave briefly in the game > DAVE FUCKING DIES IN FRONT OF HER, WITH HER OWN BULLETS > she meets john briefly > JOHN AND DAVESPRITE FUCKING DIE > she spends 3 years alone with no solace except "yeah they had to die but you'll see them again in the new session" from alt!calliope and i guess a bunch of sprites and consorts and chess dudes. she says it herself: as nice as it is to have these folks around, they're not able to relate to her. they're not fellow thirteen year old kids. she may not be technically alone, but she is essentially alone, and she just 1. died twice in one day and 2. witnessed the deaths of several of her friends.

more on being fucked over by the narrative - jade actually has a kind of interesting dynamic with karkat in the middle of a5a2! what happens with this dynamic later on? fucking nothing!!!! like seriously i am so interested in this whole. self-hatred parallel that gets drawn between them and then how jade puts her foot down and is like you are fucking nuts. no more yelling at yourself. and it goes nowhere!! this dynamic exists for like, maybe 1% of the comic. it's really fucking sad honestly. even at the very end of homestuck, she has to be sidelined for being too powerful, thereby excluding her from all the endgame convos. like we cannot win with her

ok anyway, here's where i get into the stuff i think is really interesting. at the end of homestuck, alt!calliope tells jade that she's suffered enough, and that it's time for her to live her life how she wants to. we don't see how this plays out in homestuck proper, BUT...... the epilogues. sighs heavily.

i may be an epilogues lover but even i have to admit that jade's portrayal is.... a mess. i don't think it's wildly out of character, exactly, but it definitely toes the line... and it's definitely extremely fucking uncomfortable. it does, however, give me some insight into how i think about jade now, because while the minutiae don't really feel in character, i do think the broad strokes of what they were going for make sense.

jade took alt!calliope's words and said, fuck it. i will take charge! i won't wait anymore! i am going to have what i want. and she does get a lot of that! she gets to hang out with her friends, hang out with her brother, meet a ton of people, have a bunch of sex (presumably when she's older), and so on. but see... doing a lot of things doesn't really fill the emptiness she feels. she has so much love to give and not enough outlet for it. she needs all the love in the world and has nobody to give it to her. and she still has this big fat ten-year-old crush on dave strider that never went anywhere. but the approach she takes to life now is just... so incompatible with what dave needs. same for karkat. they both need a LOT of patience to come out of their shells, and jade is living life in the fast lane. the more she pushes, the more withdrawn they become. it is a disaster.

i want to fix it so fucking bad.

jade needs a lot of character development for all this to work, but the dynamic is absolutely there. some of their convos in early meat are so fucking funny dude, they are such good friends. it is absolutely not for lack of caring on either dave or karkat's part that things don't work out in the epilogues. it's this disconnect between what jade thinks is helpful and what dave and karkat need. i really want jade to find the balance between living at breakneck speed and waiting ten years for something to happen. i want her to feel loved for once in her damn life. and i want dave and karkat to stop being such depressing shut-ins. please guys you could balance each other out if you would just figure out how to communicate

anyway. there's your essay. it's mostly about jade. hope that's ok. i love jade harley so much my ultimate goal is to see her happy and mark my words i will figure out how

[creepyscritches]

Idk how to phrase it bc I've only recently begun to think about it but 🤔 growing up poor, alone, and temporary kinda taught me valuable poor skills like "how to live w only 1/4 of your possessions available, even the important ones" or "we won't be able to stay here that long, decorate but don't mount anything to the walls" OR my greatest hit "your movers are also poor like you so bring a case of ice water and popsicles for them + get ready to haul as much of your furniture as you can w 3 sweaty strangers"

But like 🤡 I never learned the not-poor skills lmao... Yeah sure I'm good at making things last but??? Learning when it's okay to replace something is such an unexpected skill. I'm not rich by any means, but I've finally met a career level where I'm secure job-wise and financially :/c which means I don't actually have to wear things until they fall apart which is nuts. My solution at the moment is to remember being the kid in goodwill finding kick-ass clothes and happily build a donation box of things I like but haven't worn in awhile (a year or so usually). Saluting the anonymous southerner who donated a pair of new w tags tripp pants in 2009. Inspiring me, king.

Anyway also the fact that I've established myself somewhere now is 🤡 man I'm figuring it out, but I feel very silly sometimes. Killing the voice in my head that says "don't get settled too much, you have to undo all this soon" by just thinking "if I still like it here, I will choose to stay longer, dumbass" which is a CRAZY luxury???? Girlies, home ownership is insane to me and I enjoy renting tbh, but being at the mercy of rent jacks made things pretty nomadic for awhile. I'm fully unpacked here. I mounted my first TV last year? Insane. I'm hanging floating corner shelves just to put junk I make on them. I have PLANTS? Idk it's just weird the things that are very normalized that I never did and a lot of my friends never did. My countertops are stone now, so I've had to learn to place things gently on them so they don't shatter. You could dunk a plate onto the vinyl countertops I had in high school. I do miss that freedom.

[ihaveathingforwomen]

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 7 - Masterlist

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Casey asks for Alex's help, they make the most of the situation.

A/N: First of all, I'm sorry (Not) for the feelings I am about to hurt. I know ya'll are thinking this is it, it's finally happening. But there's so much more in store - please, I'm begging- bear with me. ALSO Thank you SO MUCH to my lovely partner, @novelsandlove, for helping me write the cross-examination. I didn't realize I would have to become a fucking law student to write fanfiction but here we are.

Alex’s flight home brought great relief for her. The daydreams on her flight were filled with her friends, Toby, and, of course, Casey. The clock had run out for her patience and she was beginning to mill over how she was going to confess to Casey. Before getting on her flight, she messaged George and Liv, asking to meet with them so that they could advise her further. During the flight, she took her legal pad and made notes of possible ways to talk to Casey about her feelings and possible opportunities to do so. 

One of the first opportunities she considered was when Casey picked her up at the airport. Though, she decided against it when the time came. Casey looked stunning, waiting patiently at baggage claim for Alex. It was one of her more casual outfits, jeans and a sweater as it was cooling down at the beginning of November. Their drive was comfortable and fast, Casey driving in consideration of Alex’s jet lag. Casey gave Alex the opportunity to discuss the conversation with her father, how her cousin was doing, and how annoying the rest of her family had been. In between, Casey told her about how her students were fairing and how her classes were doing as she prepares for finals which are quickly approaching. 

The next opportunity was going to be when they arrived back at Alex’s apartment. The outlook was bright as their conversation never ceased even when Casey helped Alex unpack her things and get settled back in. At one point, they stood in the kitchen together where Casey made Alex stand still so that she could detail everything she had bought in terms of food. Casey, fully aware that Alex does not have time, energy, or skill to consistently cook for herself, made a point to buy or make things that Alex could manage. With all of the time they’ve spent together over the last year or so, Casey was able to recall many foods or meals that Alex enjoyed. She prepared and froze a few casseroles, desserts, soups, and a few miscellaneous other things, and made sure to leave Alex a stack of notecards with instructions for them. Casey also made a point to buy “safe foods,��� as she and Alex called them, that Alex could eat on bad or busy days. Frozen chicken tenders, Alex’s favorite mac n cheese brand, an assortment of nuts, protein bars, granola, cereal, and so on. 

As Casey detailed these plans she’d made, Alex couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Her mind watched for every moment in which she could reach out and grab her hips, pulling her in for a kiss, which she hoped would be reciprocated. When Casey finally finished her lecture, she approached Alex with a smile, apologizing for spending so much. Alex, of course, deflected her apology and expressed sincere thanks, pulling her into a hug. While in their embrace, Casey happened to glance at her watch, and gasped. She exclaimed that she had a study group with Charlie that she was going to be late for, and rushed out of the apartment. Alex held no hard feelings about the sudden departure, but she realized she would have to actually plan the right moment rather than waiting for it. 

The days in November ticked away, and Alex still felt hesitant about each plan that she had made. They went back to their normal routine, distancing themselves as Casey had believed they should in her blissful ignorance of Alex’s intentions. Even if she had been made aware, it’s likely they would not have seen each other much more anyway, as the stress of the semester was beginning to increase. Their office meetings were now times where Casey would recline on Alex’s couch and read or review cases for her own classes while Alex worked, occasionally staring at her crush. Their texting became sporadic too, as Casey now attended many study groups or different meetings for the associations she was a part of to wrap up the semester. Of course the circumstances cause them both to feel twinges of sadness every now and then, but it allowed for Alex to plan a potentially perfect time to express her affections. 

The staff and faculty plan a small holiday party for the fellows at the end of the semester. Alex normally is heavily involved in the planning, but because of her family emergency, she was unable to participate as much. Instead, she offered to provide whatever supplies the committee requested. Since her responsibility lowered, Alex was now capable of distancing herself from responsibility at the party, allowing her to potentially spend more time with Casey. She inquired from Liz about details she would need, of course: date, time, location, foods, alcohol, et cetera. This year, the party is going to be held on the day of the last final, with winter break starting promptly afterwards. 

With that information, Alex made it up in her mind that she was going to ask Casey if she could drive her to the party, offering to be her designated driver. Ideally, Casey will accept and Alex will pick her up. They would have a good experience at the party and Alex would take her home, hopefully not too intoxicated, and tell her then. Her mind spun with excitement at the thought, dreaming up all of the ways that Casey might respond. With high hopes, she geared up for positive responses only. Whenever she engaged with Casey before that point, her demeanor was elated. 

The Friday before finals week, also before the holiday party, Casey spent most of her day in the library. Feeling as though her eyes were about to bleed and fall out of her skull, Casey closed her textbooks and picked up her phone. Her phone has been silenced for days now, dead week taking over every bit of energy she had left. 

Casey: Are you in your office? I have a question for you.

Sending the message, she hesitates, something else on the tips of her fingers. Even though they haven’t seen each other as much, Casey feels like their chemistry has exploded. 

Casey: Also, I miss you

Turning her phone off, she takes a deep breath as she packs up her belongings. Yet again, Alex’s words from more than a month ago ring clear in her mind. Don’t let the good ones go. She tried over and over to decipher what Alex was experiencing and what she could’ve meant. Her heart naturally assumed that her cousin had encouraged her to pursue their relationship. Though, her brain, still in disbelief that Alex ever liked her in the first place, pushes that assumption back and exchanges it for a more reasonable one. Perhaps, Alex was merely advocating for the position her father told her about. 

That one left Casey feeling conflicted. She had just started her application for a position as a junior assistant district attorney in New York City. The application is long and thorough and very selective. She knows that any offer she receives, if she gets one at all, will depend on whether or not she passes the bar this coming summer. On the optimistic end of the spectrum, Casey gets the job of her dreams and passes the bar exam. The only thing that taints that dream in obscurity: Alexandra Cabot becoming her boss. 

Starting to feel queasy at the thought, Casey’s phone dings to distract her. 

Alex <3: I miss you too, Case. I’m in my office, have been all day. :) 

Casey smiles, her adoration (or dare she say love) for Alex suppressing any anxiety she has about the future. With her things gathered, she begins her trek up to Alex’s office. She steps into the door frame, knocking lightly against it before coming in and closing the door behind her, as is routine for them by now. 

“Hi,” Alex greets her happily as she closes a few tabs on her computer and turns to watch her favorite visitor. 

“Hey,” Casey sets her things down on the couch and goes to Alex’s desk. She rounds the edge, coming onto Alex’s side and pushing herself onto the desktop, her hands bracing against the wood behind her. 

Alex, feeling breathless already, looks Casey from bottom to top, eyes lingering at her knees and throat. “You have a question?” 

Casey grins and nods, avoiding Alex’s eyes. “Yes, I do.” 

Alex leans back in her chair, trying not to stare at the younger woman before her. “What is it?”

Casey licks her bottom lip, taking it between her teeth and releasing it in distress as she answers. “Could I come over and could you help me with my oral arguments for Trial Practice?” 

Alex grins and screws her eyes shut for a moment, nodding. “Yes, of course, Casey.” 

Casey sighs in relief, “thank you. Professor Taft has been an asshole and I feel like I haven’t learned anything from him.” She turns to Alex, inspecting her demeanor as she notes. 

Alex fights a grimace, “That’s what I’ve heard. I try to avoid him,” she states. “He’s tenured.” 

Casey rolls her eyes, “I know. I can’t believe they let him get tenured.” She shakes her head in defeat and turns back to Alex. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, something they’ve been doing more of lately. Neither of them know that they both think about the other’s lips. 

“Also,” Casey starts, breaking their tension, “I will make dinner for us when I come over.”  

Alex starts to shake her head, leaning forward and putting a reassuring hand on Casey's knee. “You don’t have to do that, it’s okay. I think I still have frozen dinners from when you watched Toby. You need to save your energy for exams,” her eyes traveling up Casey’s figure. Casey hesitates for a moment, the vision before her sending shivers up her spine. Alex reminds her of a devoted apostle looking up at her deity. 

She smiles, placing a hand on Alex’s cheek and stroking it softly with her thumb. “I want to make you dinner, Alex. It’s payment for helping me, okay?” 

Recognizing the power she has over Alex, she streaks her thumb across her lips before withdrawing her hand and getting off of the desk. She grabs her things, her chest heavy with arousal, and starts to leave. “Tonight, at seven?” 

Alex looks up, the air only just starting to return to her lungs. She nods, “that works.”

----------

That night, a little after seven, Casey arrives at Alex’s with a quiet knock. Alex pops up from her couch, trying to convince herself she wasn’t twiddling her thumbs while impatiently waiting for the redhead. Opening the door, she finds Casey with her arms full of books and groceries. 

“Oh my God, are you moving in?” She quips, trying to take things from Casey’s arms. 

“Not unless you ask me to,” Casey responds without thinking. Her face turns a light scarlet as soon as she hears her words. She avoids Alex’s eyes and makes her way into the apartment. 

Alex, recognizing Casey’s desire to avoid her own statement, ignores it. “Why did you bring so much stuff?” She laughs, setting the books on the dining room table. 

“Well, I couldn’t remember what you had here. So, to be safe, I brought some of my own things to cook with and I bought some ingredients too.” 

Alex stares at all of the things spread out on the table now: Textbooks, Casey’s laptop, legal pads with notes scribbled all over, sticky notes, colored tabs, pens and highlighters, noodles, chicken broth, seasonings, and so much more. Her eyes scan the table, watching as Casey organizes everything into piles. She decides to start their conversation by straying from the topic of cooking, trying to get a sense for how to help Casey. “Trial Practice, is it for criminal or civil?” 

Casey continues rearranging without looking up, “criminal.” She gathers the groceries she’d displayed on the table and makes her way into the kitchen. “Hungry yet?” She asks Alex with a grin, her dimples clear in her cheeks. 

Alex grins and goes to sit at the bar to keep Casey company. “Starving,” Alex tells her, eyes twinkling as she watches Casey search for utensils. Casey’s cheeks burn a faint rosy shade, imagining in her mind that she’s cooking for her girlfriend. Ever since she spent the week in Alex’s apartment, she began to come to terms with just how much she liked Alex. At first, she believed her feelings to be pure infatuation due to her physical attractiveness and their power dynamic. But, since spending more time together this fall, she finds that there are many attributes about Alex that she adores. Alex’s intelligence, kindness, considerate-nature, her conversation, and their natural connection have all led to her developing legitimate feelings for her professor. 

While Casey cooks, Alex starts to wonder if her moment is quickly approaching. Casey seems to be laughing more and even flirting. Nearing the end of her cooking, Casey allows a few things to simmer. And as she does, she sets her elbows on the countertop across from Alex, resting her chin on her hands so that they are at eye level, their lips just mere inches apart. Their conversation is quiet and sweet, discussing anything that comes to mind and giggling whenever jokes arise. While they speak, Alex’s eyes consistently drift down to Casey’s lips. Each time, she imagines herself whispering to Casey that she loves her and kissing her softly. When she imagines this interaction, her lips tingle and blood rushes to them. Eventually, the timer sounds and Casey is done cooking, abandoning Alex at the bar to plate their food. 

While they eat at the dining table Alex never uses, Alex questions her about her Trial Practice final. Casey explains that it’s taking the form of a mock trial, as it normally does, in which four professors will act as witnesses for the students to question. She explains that she was chosen to argue the prosecutor’s side. With that came a contest between her peers to see who would deliver the opening argument for extra credit. She won the contest, which initially excited her, but Taft’s behavior as of late made her nervous. Alex then questioned her on the evidence they were utilizing in the mock trial, aiming to be sure Casey knew each item in as much detail as possible. 

When they finished eating and Alex was content with how well Casey knew her evidence, she offered to clean up for them. Casey declines and Alex insists, reasoning that it would be a perfect opportunity for Casey to rehearse her opening argument and focus on her tonal delivery. Alex recalls her time as a prosecutor, wishing someone had guided her more in law school about the importance of tone. Word choice and body language do wonders to compensate for tone, but it does not resolve all issues. While Alex washes the dishes for Casey, she instructs her to start her opening argument. Casey does as she’s told, pacing behind Alex rather than sitting. 

Occasionally, Alex will interrupt and ask if Casey is insinuating some emotion with the tone she slipped into. Casey will, of course, object and correct herself. After a couple of run throughs, Alex finishes the dishes. She turns around, leaning against the counter and drying her hands on a towel. She smiles, her eyes twinkling, as Casey finishes the end of her opening statement. 

“That was perfect, Casey. You’re a natural,” Alex compliments. 

Casey diverts her gaze to the ground, smiling softly, “Thank you.” She takes a shaky breath, her throat sore from speaking clearly and for so long. “Now, on to questioning?” She asks wearily. 

Alex folds the towel and sets it on the counter. She smiles sympathetically at Casey, remembering how dry her throat felt when she did her first mock trial. “Yes, do you want more water first?” 

Casey nods, feeling pathetic, but thankful she didn’t have to ask. Alex turns and grabs a glass from the cabinet then fills it with ice and water from the refrigerator, handing it to Casey. Their fingertips brush against each other and Casey thanks her with a nervous grin. She exits the kitchen, Alex close behind, and sets the glass on the dining room table. For a second, Alex feels the impulse to walk up behind Casey and wrap her arms around her waist, kissing her neck and praising her, encouraging her work. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she diverts her impulses to the couch. She takes a seat cross-legged and waits patiently for Casey to organize her evidence the way she wants it. 

Casey sighs, and walks over, handing Alex a sheet of responses. Over dinner, Alex agreed to play the witness so that Casey can practice cross-examination. Alex reads over the facts while Casey paces the floor in front of the coffee table, thinking and murmuring questions to herself. Alex nods along as she reads and then sets the paper in her lap. 

“You can start whenever you’re ready, Case,” she directs her, watching as her hands start to tremble. 

Casey takes a deep breath and turns to Alex in a panic, “what do I do with my hands?” 

Alex laughs, “I used to put mine behind my back unless I was making an expressive gesture.” Casey nods and continues pacing, putting her hands behind her back. “Casey…” Alex asks, hoping to get her attention. She does not turn her head and instead murmurs an unintelligible response. Alex tilts her head, watching Casey with concern, “You’re going to do fine. But we’ll never know for sure if you don’t start.” 

Casey halts in her spot and turns on her heel, making eye contact with Alex. “You’re right…” 

Alex never thought she’d hear those words. Casey tends to err on the side of defensiveness, rarely conceding to fault. “Just breathe…You know what questions you’re asking and you know what answers you need. You are in control. Okay?” Alex offers from her seat, trying to give Casey a reassuring smile. It’s been so long since she’s seen Casey this nervous. As of late, Casey has radiated confidence, especially when it came to her academics. Maybe tonight was not going to be her moment, Casey may need more reassurance than other emotions. 

“Okay,” Casey takes a deep breath through her mouth and exhales it with pursed lips. “You’re ready?” Alex nods, smiling softly and sitting up straight, watching Casey closely. “Miss Cabot, is it true that you were shopping at the seventeenth street convenience store on the night of the incident?” 

“Yes,” Alex answers cooly. 

Casey nods and begins to pace, hands behind her back. “Is it true that in your statement to the police, you stated that you were not aware that the defendant was in the store?”

“Yes,” she responds, her eyes tracking Casey. 

“How often do you visit the seventeenth street convenience store?” 

“I couldn’t say an exact number,” Alex excuses. 

“Use your best judgment on an estimate.” 

“Three to four times a week,” Alex states, scanning Casey up and down. 

“So would you say that you’re familiar with the layout of the convenience store?” 

The questioning went on for some time, Alex’s pride growing with each step. Here and there, she would interrupt to adjust Casey’s body language or her choice of words with a question. But the further Casey went, the better she sounded. Alex wasn’t sure whether it was the right time to admit it, but she’s actually quite impressed with Casey’s skills. Her intuition with the witness’s responses and her knowledge of the evidence make it easy for her to improvise if an unexpected response comes along. When she does improvise, she does so eloquently, as though she had actually planned the question in advance. By the end, Casey manages to flip the defense witness in her favor, leaving them both breathless. 

Content with her work, Casey walks over to the couch and collapses beside Alex, slinking onto the pillows. “Jesus Christ,” she exhales with a laugh, resting her forearms on top of her eyes and focusing on her breathing. 

“How do you feel?” Alex asks, beaming, trying not to distract Casey from her own feelings. 

She removes her arms and sits up, draping her legs over the edge of the couch and looking over at Alex, still sitting cross-legged. “Like I just spoke for two hours straight.” 

Alex giggles, “it wasn’t that long, I promise.” She looks down at her watch, noticing Casey’s thigh flesh against her own. “Only thirty minutes, that’s pretty average. Maybe better for your first final.” 

Casey looks down, setting her elbow on her knee and resting her head on her hand. “Well, that’s a relief,” she mumbles. 

They share a moment of silence and Alex uncrosses her legs, dangling them over the edge of the couch as Casey has done. Their thighs are practically sandwiched next to each other, arms having nowhere to go but next to each other. Casey’s cologne, a light scent of amber and vanilla, makes its way into Alex’s nose. She examines Casey’s features longingly and her body takes control from there.

She raises her hand to Casey’s face, pushing strands of her hair behind her ear. “Casey…” Alex begins. Casey turns to look at Alex, her cheek burning where Alex’s fingertips brushed across. Her eyes promptly go to Alex’s lip and she bites her own before her eyes travel upward, meeting Alex’s sapphire. 

“Hmm?” Casey says, her eyes captured in Alex’s grasp. 

“You did so well,” she praises, her eyes flicking between Casey’s eyes and lips. “I’m really proud of you.” She subtly nods her head, her eyes returning to Casey’s and holding her gaze for a moment longer than they have lately. Her lips begin to burn. Palpitations pick up in Casey’s chest, blood rushing to her throat and lips as she loses time in Alex’s eyes. 

“I love you,” Alex whispers, unable to control the words as they tumble out of her mouth and into Casey’s lap. 

Casey’s eyes begin to stir, pupils widening and her gaze narrowing. It startles Alex from her dreamy state. 

Alex closes her eyes and shakes her head, blood rushing to her cheeks and ears. “Oh, Casey…” a regretful smile plagues her face, baring her teeth, “I’m sorry. That was…” she takes a deep breath and sighs, “out of line.” Her eyes open to find the green ones across from her. She peers into the aventurine before her, searching for reassurance and sympathy. 

A charming smile tugs at Casey’s cheeks and her hand reaches up to Alex’s cheek. She shakes her head softly. “Don’t be,” she whispers, her eyes landing on Alex’s red lips. Her hand cups Alex’s cheek for a moment, then slides back into her hair, gripping lightly. “I love you, Alex.” Her whispered confession echoes in Alex’s ears, scorching them. Casey pulls her in, their lips brushing against each other as waves and sand. Casey takes Alex’s bottom lip between her own, sucking lightly, running her tongue over the warm flesh. She takes Alex’s cheek in her other palm, pulling her closer. Alex’s leg moves on top of Casey’s. One hand goes to her hip, the other braces itself on the couch, steadying them. Their breaths pick up pace, sharing inhales and exhales as their lips pulse and release. 

For a few seconds, their minds are silent, focused only on the sensations on their skin. Alex’s face burns beneath Casey’s palms, Casey’s hips spasm beneath Alex’s fingertips. Casey swirls her tongue over Alex’s lip, unable to get enough of the faint taste of sugar. Alex glides her hand further into the curve of Casey’s hip, hooking her thumb against her pelvis and gripping, pulling her closer. Casey allows a hand to abandon Alex’s cheek, pausing at her neck and stroking, then proceeding down her ribcage, hips, thigh, and finally hooking at her knee. With her fingers hooked under her knee, she pulls her further into her lap, deepening their kiss. Alex takes this as an opportunity to mingle their tongues, sucking Casey’s and nipping at her lip. 

A moan leaks from Casey’s mouth and her mind wakes. Anxiety begins seeping its way into her veins, her heart racing and stomach flipping, not in the way she’d hoped. For the first time, her mind flashes vivid scenes of being expelled, of Alex getting fired, of never completing law school, and never becoming a prosecutor. Her heart aches as the visions play, but her mind is already gaining back control. She retracts her tongue, and begins to break the kiss as the remaining hand on Alex’s cheek slides down to her shoulder, pushing her gently. 

“I’m sorry,” she whimpers, her eyes pleading as they catch Alex’s. 

Breathless, Alex furrows her brow, “what’s wrong?” 

Casey feels a lump form in her throat, examining Alex’s face longingly. She runs her tongue over her lip, parting them as she prepares to speak. “I can’t do this right now,” she whispers. 

Alex takes her leg off of Casey’s and slowly removes her hands, “Did I do something wrong?” 

Alex fights back tears and Casey closes her eyes, pushing air through her nose, “No,” she starts to say baby but refrains, “No, Alex. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Casey’s hands search for Alex’s, taking them and intertwining their digits. “I just…” she hesitates, her own tears making an appearance, pushing past her eyelids. “I can’t right now. I’m really sorry, Alex.” 

Disbelief overruns Alex’s mind, leaving her paralyzed, eyes unable to look up at Casey. Panic sets in and Casey untangles herself, getting up and hastily gathering her things. She sniffles a couple of times, keeping her eyes down as she moves about the apartment. From afar, Toby sits atop the counter in a regal position, observing them, his tail swiping in agitation. Alex runs her hands over her face and stands, trying to approach Casey. She keeps her arms to herself, crossed against her chest as she tries to stand within Casey’s line of sight. 

“Casey,” she attempts to get her attention, “can we talk about this?” 

Casey shakes her head, offering no further response. 

“Case,” Alex pleads. Casey begins to gather her belongings in her arm, having far less than she arrived with. “Casey, please,” Alex’s voice becomes strained, “I’m sorry. I just thought-” 

“Thought what, Alex?” She whips around just as her hand grips the doorknob. 

“I-I thought you felt the same,” Alex stammers out, stepping closer and extending her hand to caress Casey’s elbow. 

Casey closes her eyes again, the lump in her throat growing. A tear streaks down her cheek. “I do, Alex…” 

Alex tries fervently to meet her gaze as she tries to avoid it. Alex takes a deep, defeated breath, her stomach aching as her eyes soften. “Then, what’s wrong?” 

Casey scoffs, a dejected look smeared across her face. She tries to swallow, the sensation painful, practically choking. “Just not now…” her voice is strangled, each word pointed as she utters them. She turns away from Alex, opening the door and disappearing down the hallway. 

The door falls shut behind her and Alex’s face slips, eyes empty and sunken. The remaining air in her lungs sinks like a weighted balloon. In all of her concern about her own timeline and feelings, she hadn’t considered how close their clock was on its last second. 

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 2, Side B, Match 4

propaganda under the cut!

Huntlow:

They’re just. SO CUTE!! Hunter develops a crush on Willow first. When they first met, he was just looking to recruit more people into the emperor’s coven, and he thought she and some others would be a good fit. They played flyer derby together (a sport in the demon realm), and it was the first time he’d actually been able to have fun with people his age. His original plan was still in play so Willow and the others on the team got taken and put into custody so they could be put into the emperor’s coven. However, at this point Hunter felt incredibly bad. In the end, he broke the rules and got them out of there. He was prepared to be hated, but Willow and the others forgave him. I think at this point is when he started developing feelings for her. This guy, who talks so much people can see through his disguises because of his voice, will get SO quiet and blushy when she’s nearby. He knew there was an illusion when the illusion acted scared and shy because he saw her as the strong, courageous witch she is. She saw his cringe outfits and cosplay and took a picture for her scrapbook and called it a look. She winked at him and he blushed and smiled this goofy smile. When she finally broke down after trying to keep a brave face for the others, he comforted her. I think somewhere around here she started developing feelings too. They held hands!!! She said “you mean a lot to me too”!!! They mean so much to me.

Ikesoren:

The EPIC TRAUMA AND ANGST. The life long spanning importance. The sheer unhealthy -> healthy co-dependence. Greek tragedy wishes it could be this melodramatic but somehow genuinely, achingly moving.

It's the good old fashioned not just Friends -> Lovers, but Childhood Friends -> Lovers. The most mangy sad little anime lad incapable of speech found on the brink of starvation by another child. A kind child who showed up like a guardian angle straight out of the blue then WHAM! He's gone again. The next day? Their shared town has been destroyed, slaughtered. (It was the kind kids dad via tragic chaos magic but we don't have time to unpack all that.)

But does the starving kid, who's learned what a little ounce of humanity, of kindness looks like, do they give up? Hell no. They search the bodies. (At this point please remember they are like 6) and see the boy who treated them like a human isn't there. They SEARCH for years. They learn to speak, they travel to a northern country on the trail, and at last… they find him. And… he doesn't remember their meeting. (He doesn't remember his Dad going nuts either. Can I get a hand for intentionally induced magical amnesia? It was probably the right call.) None the less, they spend the rest of their childhood growing up together hand in intensely neurodiverse hand.

THAT is the first bit. THAT is a paragraph in the bigger story. Holy SHIT is there ever a bigger story. Love story. For. The. Ages. DAMN these boys can whump, can subtext, can angst AND hurt comfort. Look at them go. They. <3

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 05

I heard they put a lot of crosses in this show, sort of like how Revolutionary Girl Utena put a bunch of phallic symbols everywhere. It doesn't really impress me much, although I just considered that Dracula must really hate this anime.

This is the episode where they really get into what Rei's whole deal is. Up to now, she's been a background character with only a few lines, but she's supposed to have been doing this Eva piloting thing longer than Shinji, so what's that all about?

To begin with, we flash back to the experiment where Rei got the injuries we saw in Episode 1. At first, I just took it for granted that she had been hurt in combat, or some sort of accident during a training exercise, or her Eva violently rejected her connection to it. But here we see that they were just trying to get Eva Unit 00 to turn on, and then something went wrong and the Eva went nuts and started convulsing and attacking the observation booth with Gendo and the others.

During this mayhem, Unit 00's power cable is severed, and the pilot capsule ejects. I think Rei caused both of those things in an effort to get the situation under control. The Eva still had a few seconds of battery power, and maybe the absence of a pilot helped. It's also possible that these were actions triggered by the computer jockeys monitoring the experiment, or it was random stuff that happened while the Unit went nuts. Anyway, the pilot capsule has thrusters to carry it away from the Eva, except this test is being run in an enclosed space, so it just flies into the nearest corner of the ceiling and then drops like a stone when the propellant runs out.

Horrified, Gendo rushes down to get Rei out of the capsule, and he burns his hands on the hatch. Not sure why it would be hot, but whatever. He's so upset that he just powers through it and removes the hatch anyway, burning his hands in the process.

And then we get this shot, which looks really fucking cool. There's a lot to unpack here. Rei's supposed to be an injured fourteen-year-old girl, but they drew her like Captain Marvel or something. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but I think it comes up a lot. Anyway, you'll notice how upset Gendo is about this. He's not just worried about losing his only Eva pilot. He genuinely cares for Rei's safety, showing emotions we've never seen from him until now.

Anyway, she nods to him to confirm she's still alive, and as he breathes a sigh of relief, we see his glasses break, I guess from the heat and the whole commotion or something. Anyway, that's the flashback.

There's a pointless scene in the present where Shinji accompanies Misato and Ritsuko on an excavation of... something. Maybe it's the remains of the Angel Shinji killed in episode 3? It doesn't matter, because Ritsuko's equipment can't analyze the samples. They know that the Angels are composed of some bizarre form of matter, analagous to light? I guess? And even though it's completely alien to them, there are patterns in the matter that match humans. Match them how, exactly?

Shinji notices his father at another part of this facility and he asks about the burns on his hands. So Ritsuko tells the story of that botched Unit 00 experiment we just went over. Shinji is amazed to hear that his dad would go to such lengths for Rei.

At school, the boys ogle the girls during their swimming practice or whatever, and Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney accuse Shinji of having the hots for Rei Ayanami. He denies it, but admits he's curious about her.

Later, during some training exercise, Shinji sees Rei and his dad talking, and they're both smiling, which is creepy as fuck. Ew, stop it. I'm not sure if Shinji is jealous or just confused that his dad actually feels affection towards another human being.

At Misato's house, everyone's eating curry and beer. Even the penguins.

Come on, Oswald, try a bite, it'll put hair on your chest.

Ritsuko gives Shinji a new ID card made for Rei. I guess the ID's have to be renewed every so often, and she kept forgetting to give it to Rei at work, so she wants him to go to her place and do it. Misato thinks Shinji has a crush on Rei, and he denies it. He's just curious about Rei getting along so well with his dad. Ritsuko explains that they're kind of like kindred spirits, in that they both aren't very good at "living." Ouch. In any case, he's got an official reason to go meet her and find out about her for himself.

Yeah, let me back up a bit.

So he shows up at her apartment and when she doesn't answer the buzzer he just lets himself in, and sees all the bloody bandages from when she was injured. Then he finds Gendo's broken glasses from the flashback and puts them on. Then Rei finally comes out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel. She sees him wearing the glasses and immediately tries to take them back, since they clearly mean a lot to her. But they end up falling over and a drawer full of underwear spills and yeah, I think that gets us up to speed. Also Shinji's left hand is planted on her boob.

Yeah.

Shinji akwardly tries to explain himself, but Rei doesn't care. She just gets dressed and leaves to go to work. Shinji catches up to her when her ID card doesn't work, and he hands her the new one that does. He continues to follow her and asks if she's afraid of experimenting with Unit 00, since she already got hurt once before. Incredulous, she asks him if he has faith in his father's work.

Shinji's response intrigues me, because I had trouble telling before whether he and his dad are just really estranged or he's afraid of him or something else. But now it looks more like he's got some sort of grudge against him. He talks about his dad like he's a bitter enemy that everyone else would know to distrust as well.

She slaps him for that. Whatever happened between Shinji and Gendo, she remains loyal to him, perhaps to a fault.

At the base, Gendo and Rei resume their work on Unit 00, and it looks like they managed to get it right this time, but then another Angel attacks Tokyo-3, forcing them to abort the test run. Since neither Rei nor Unit 00 are ready for the field, Gendo sends Shinji in Unit 01 instead.

This is the fifth Angel, and the third one we've seen so far. It... well this was certainly a choice. Anyway, Shinji deploys to fight it, but...

Before he can even get out of the gate, the Angel fires some sort of heat ray at his Eva right away. It's like the Angel knew exactly where to strike first. Maybe this one studied the footage of Shinji's previous battles and learned a new strat.

And that's the end of the episode. The next episode preview says that Rei will come to Shinji's aid, so I'm starting to notice the pattern here. The Angels are showing up more frequently, and they're getting smarter and stronger each time. If this one knows to take the fight to Shinji, then it'll probably take two Evas to beat it, and that means the next one might be strong enough to need three Evas, and so on.

I don't think we got a complete picture of Rei in this one, but it's a two-parter, apparently, so that's okay. I'm not really keen on the parts where all the boys talked about how hot she is, or all the partial nudity, but we'll get into that at another time.

I'm much more interested in her friendship with Gendo, since they seem so distant from everyone else. But they're not going to spill the beans on that right away.

[fandomwave]

TCOAAL Update!

You know the drill, don't give yourself hives But for the rest of the freaks lets goooooooo:

I can't even begin to unpack why this is happening lmao but I adore the fact that Andrew fucking hates the concept of camping so much he has to convince himself there are other people out there who willing chose to do this. If I had to take a crack in the dark I'd say they probably ran out of cash to pay for a hotel, that's the easiest answer in my brain but these two are fucking stupid your honor so it could be the worst trap they have ever laid for their next victim.

MY FUCKIN GIRL! HOW DARE? A lot of people have said we don't see Ashley cry before but we do see one instance in the car, when Andrew threatens her after she continues to press her boundaries by calling him Andy, she is genuinely pretty distraught there. In my (frankly upsettingly exhausting) notes (that I still have no way of sharing without posting 30 essays) Ashley and Andrew start to REALLY see what their relationship will look like if they continue doing nothing to actually change their dynamic. Ashley realizes that by sticking with Andrew, his condition in choosing her is that she stops being who she is, or Andrew will forcibly stop her (with violence). Andrew is starting to realize that if he continues controlling Ashley this way he will in fact single-handedly kill whatever joy is left between them. He realizes he needs to give Ashley the room to prove him wrong in that he CAN trust her. I note that moment in the car as the real start of the coin flip between them, on if they end up down the Burial or Decay ending. If Andrew continues to double down, THIS is their relationship forever till death. Wherein eventually Andrew will act out and kill her. However... He can chose to be better, to settle down and let Ashley prove she's not Leyley anymore, that she's a fully capable adult. You can see that shift during their stay in their parents homes too. Andrew is far more playful and affectionate, we get a peak into what things COULD be between them if Ashley and Andrew just showed a little most trust in each other.

ANYWAYS All this to say that I think this is for sure a scene from Decay. It could be burial but from the way Andrew shifts his entire demeanor I can't imagine he'd go out of his way to hurt her this bad emotionally (I put the smallest caveat here to say that he COULD potentially freak the fuck out after their uh... *cough* tussle in the hotel. It would not surprise me post nut he has a cosmic meltdown which would leave Ashley feeling like this) But I could see Decay Ashley starting to understand just HOW full of shit Andrew is. We know with the hindsight of the player just how... uh... affectionate Andrew is towards Ashley. I still posit that Ashley cannot understand the difference between Romantic, Platonic and Familial love, but we KNOW Andrew can. We're well aware Andrew knows his affections for Ashley cross a line but he still doesn't STOP himself from flirting with that line. I imagine the further Andrew doubles down in his convictions in Decay, that Ashley is just a burden he needs to take care of and to stifle to the point of suffocation (literally) to make sure neither of them end up in trouble, the further those cracks start to show. Ashley probably learns just how much Andrew wants her back and probably for even LONGER than she's felt that, only to realize that he's more willing to kill her first than to entertain that concept? I'd also be on the floor in tears. Her realizing the full breadth of Andrew's bullshit would probably be devastating lbr

And finally the video of Andrew in whatever this is. We already know that Andrew was the one to summon Lord Unknown (it wasn't till he started helping that he showed up) and we also know he's marked with the eye symbol on his hand, which could be from holding the talisman but it could also be something that resided in him much longer. Even ??? is slightly.. hesitant around Andrew, and we can infer that the black soul with the horns (bunny ears), green eyes and text, is probably also Andrew, meaning he is just as big a Tar Soul as Ashley is. It'll be interesting to see if this is an actual event that took place in reality, or if this is part of the dream-scape/demon-scape. The red flowers only seem to show up in that space so it seems odd to have them show up here, and from prior updates it looks like there is a LOT of history building for Andrew happening in that realm. Something that I am DYING to know is if the red flowers are symbolic only for Ashley or if they are in fact deeply rooted to Andrew. It would make the scenes with Ashley being guided by these flowers, as well as her temper-tantrum towards them oh so much more interesting.

I've seen a few people mention that Ashley screams off camera causing Andrew to run towards the sound, but from what I heard that 'scream' sounds a LOT like the demonic growl that comes from Lord Unknown and ??? (and Mrs Graves that ONE time but comedy doesn't care for consistency) Which makes me wonder if this is actually taking place in reality or not.

Big food for thought! I cannot WAIT to see what actually happens and I'll be thrilled to be proven wrong or right on these theories :D

[nightmaremp]

Weremayhem: Song of Beasts. Ch 16: Kitten Problem

     Hannah had made some food for Lewis and Annie. She set the plate of food down at the table. The black haired female noticed the bright moonlight of the full moon. “A beautiful moon out tonight” she thought to herself. 

“Lewis! Annie! Time to eat” said Hannah. Sounds of small claws hit the floor as they sounded like they were coming to the dining room. “Coming, Hannah” replied Lewis as he came into view. The Cheshire smilodon kitten came into the room with his baby sister biting his antlers. The black haired female’s eyes went wide. 

“W..what happened to y..you two?” asked Hannah, both scared and nervous. 

“Oh! I forgot to mention that we are wereanimals. Actually, a werecheshiresmilodon” replied Lewis as he sat Annie on the table. The small kitten quickly dug into the food. 

“Wait, you mean that werewolves are real?” she asked. 

“Yep and other wereanimals too. The band are wereanimals too.” he replied. 

“Oh my god! People online will go nuts over this!” replied the black haired female. 

“No, no, please don’t let anyone know about this, '' Lewis quickly said in a scared and worried tone. 

“Why?” asked Hannah. 

“If people find out that we are wereanimals, we will be put in serious danger. Wereanimal hunters will keep up, labs will do horrible tests on us, and we will be sold on the weremarket.” replied the feline. 

Hannah looked shocked at this news. She nods her head. “I will keep this as a secret and will not tell anyone” she said. 

“Thank you,” Lewis replied with a soft smile. 

Meanwhile with the band, they were in their wereforms around a fire. They were eating some marshmallows, except for Zoot. “Another marshmallow?” asked Moog. 

“Oh, yeah” replied Dr. Teeth 

“Anybody else?” asked the black haired male. 

“So, we’ve been sitting under the stars here for a few hours,” said Nora. 

“But still no music flowing, huh?” she added. 

They all shake their heads no. “Maybe we all just need to open up and dig a little deeper,” said Label Lady. 

“She’s all yours” said Teeth as his tail move the shovel close to her. 

“Ew. No” replied Nora. “Maybe we’ll figure out what’s holding you back,” the black haired female added.

“Like, why Teeth won’t commit to anything you write, and why Floyd hates all of it” she said. 

“You know, like, explore your feelings. Your failures. Your fears” Nora added. 

“I say we, like, dance it out” replied Jancie. Lips made a lion sound to agree with the doe. They all dance a little, just moving side to side. The Cheshire smilodon chuckles. 

“Janice, this isn’t another problem for you to solve,” replied Nora. The band continues to dance. 

“It sure does feel dancy” said the pink fur werewolf. 

“Okay, okay, fine. What if I go first?” asked the black haired female. 

“Wait, really?” asked Moog. 

“What, you’re just gonna unpack your deepest failures and fears, just right in front of us?” he asked. 

“We’ve all got our issues, right?” she replied. 

“If I’m being totally honest, I definitely thought I’d be way further along in life by now” she added. 

“I don’t know how old I have to be for my life to finally take off” said the black haired female. 

“I don’t even want it all,” she added. 

“Maybe just a cute little house. A partner. Preferably handsome, "the Label Lady said. 

“6 '2, super driven. We compete for success in a healthy way, while we raise 2.5 kids. That's the national average” she added. 

“I mean, really, is it too much to ask to just wanna spread my wings and fly?” Nora asked as she looked at the stick in her hand that was holding her marshmallow. The black haired female got up and stood. 

“For I am a falconer.” she said. A small falcon sat on her arm and some falcon screeches filled the air. 

“Like my father before me,” Label Lady added. 

“His name was Parvesh. And I am his daughter!” she added. 

“Nora?” asked Moog in shock and confusion. Nora didn’t have a falcon on her arm, it was in her head. She was having some type of trip like she took drugs. 

“Nora. The falconer. Master of the air beasts” she said with her eyes wide. 

“Are you okay?” asked the black haired male, worried. Nora starts petting the air over her right arm. “You good?” he asked. 

Zoot picks up the bag of marshmallows and hands it to Moog. “Here. I don’t do sugar. Rots your brain” said the sloth. The black haired male checked the bag and noticed the date on it. His eyes grew huge in shock. 

“Zoot,” he said. “Zoot, this bag expired in ‘92” Moog added. 

“Oh, good. We still got a month left” replied Zoot. 

“What? No! No, no, no, no. That was, like, 30 years ago!” the black haired male replied. 

“Everybody! You’ve been eating these marshmallows all night” Moog said in a panic tone. 

“And this bag is super expired!” he added. 

“You know what? I’m sure it’s fine. There’s no reason to panic” the black haired male said as he tried to calm down. He throws the bag into the fire which causes the fire to turn green as Zoot’s glowing eyes. They all look at it in shock. The fire returned to normal. 

“You should try using a stick,” said the sloth. 

“Okay, we’re good, right?” asked Moog. 

“It’s just old marshmallows,” he added. 

“We are all gonna be fine, all right?” the black haired male asked. 

[semper-legens]

105. The Silence Project, by Carole Hailey

Owned: No, library Page count: 357 My summary: Emilia’s mother burned herself to death on a pyre, and in doing so sent a spark around the world. Her group, the Community, went global. Everyone knows who they are and what they stand for; ironic, in a way, since Rachel of Chalkham dedicated her life to silence for years. Now, Emilia is writing a book about her mother, to tell the real story of Rachel Morris, and the monstrosity she created. My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

I’m really into cults.

...that came out wrong. I find cults fascinating to read about, in that true crime-y kind of way where obviously what happened is bad, but I’m still interested to hear about as a historical artefact. And this book is very much about cults, and one fictional cult in particular. The Community, a female-centred organisation dedicated to silence and listening. The presentation of this book is as an in-universe non-fiction work, half memoir and half biography, written by the founder’s daughter in opposition to the Community’s official history of her mother. It’s...gripping. I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to like this one as much as I did. But I was totally engaged, and finished it even faster than I usually would finish a book of its size, which is impressive!

First, though, some criticisms. There’s a certain amount of suspending your disbelief that you must do with a book of this kind - something presented as a memoir, that is. I’ve read my share of actual memoirs, and this book does get the narrative voice and overall feel of a memoir quite well. There’s a little too much recounted direct speech for my liking, which is something that always turns me off real memoirs. Yeah, sure, you can definitely remember exactly how a conversation went to the letter after decades. I get it a bit more in this medium, but it still gave me pause. As did the writing style of the different emails from people involved that are printed in the book; they all share a narrative voice with Emilia, I’d have liked them to feel a bit more distinct. Different people email very differently, after all.

But that’s enough for nitpicking, because that’s really all I had to complain about in this book. Emilia herself is a really engaging narrator, and the framing device of this being a memoir led to some interesting moments. I particularly liked how Emilia kept talking about how events foreshadowed or obviously led to the Event, which of course her in-universe audience would be familiar with, but we out here in the real world are not, so it worked as foreshadowing and hints for us until Emilia actually detailed what happened in the Event. She really comes across as someone incredibly regretful about the part she played in all the tragedies that befell people, and doesn’t seem to disagree when people hate her for it. This memoir is, explicitly, as much a way to unpack her own relationship with her mother and the Community as it is an effort to get the truth out. Which is such a cool angle for a work of fiction!

It’s honestly a testament to how good this book is that the Community is a completely credible cult. It starts as Rachel leaves her home to live naturally at the bottom of the garden in complete silence. Her thing is silence, after all - she wants people to listen, and truly listen, rather than just talk and talk and talk. As she goes on, she attracts both followers and media attention, until the Community is a worldwide phenomenon. Then she burns herself. She gains ultimate silence, and the Community...goes nuts. See, like a lot of cults, the Community is all about following their charismatic leader, and when Rachel is gone, their message becomes further and further from the original point. 

We see this near-immediately, as Emilia joins the Community not long after her mother’s death - Rachel’s tent city maintains complete silence at all times, while the post-Rachel Community only holds symbolic silences at appropriate times. They claim to listen to communities and be using their power and influence to do what disadvantaged people across the globe need. But Emilia’s job with them is to go to the Democratic Republic of the Congo and give women implants that render them infertile for seven years. The people in this area wanted better access to contraception, but complete sterilisation? The Community doesn’t listen to protests or protesters, they don’t listen to the culture and religion of the people they are sterilising. And they bribe people to get the implant. They don’t train their staff to remove implants, only insert them. And they’re only doing this in Africa and Asia, not Europe. The structural racism is overt and on display, and the horror only mounts when they, towards the end, announce their next plan to ‘tackle overpopulation’ - euthanasia for older people, who are a ‘burden’ to the young. The sad, and probably most realistic, part of it is that it becomes worldwide policy towards the end. People are gently encouraged to book into a euthanasia centre when they reach about 60, regardless of whether they want it or not. It’s honestly chilling the way that the Community’s activities escalate, not least because it’s all very plausible. Real people have suggested, and even implemented, similar things to the Community’s atrocities. And all in the name of environmentalism and saving the planet. It’s a sobering reality of just how tyrannical attitudes can be couched in seemingly-palatable language, and how we should genuinely listen to people’s needs.

Next up, a woman tries to recover her lost child.

[atopearth]

Amnesia: Memories Part 7 - REPLAY Thoughts

Since Later X Crowd is out, I am playing Amnesia: Memories again for a refresh! Amnesia was my first proper otome game that I played so it holds a special place in my heart even though I really only liked Kent, Ikki and maybe Ukyo, but one thing I'll never forget is how much I love how pretty everyone is! Anyway, I won't do full on comments about each route since I've played the game before, but I guess I will mention things that I might feel differently about now? I have also decided to start with Toma because he was my least favourite haha!

Toma (Diamond World)

I still remember back in the day when I thought Toma would fulfill my big brother cravings for an LI, it had a bit of it until my heart was crushed haha! I forgot about how scary Ukyo can be lol. And I forgot that Toma puts drugs in her food so she'll sleep and not run outside and get killed LOL. Like yeah, I do remember those bad endings where if the heroine goes out, she ends up dead but seriously c'mon Toma haha. I guess one thing we can be happy about is how unapologetically crazy Toma is, loved how he was like he would confine both Shin and her here if she followed them to hear what they're talking about. Why can't Orion just eavesdrop though lol. Anyway, Toma is wild! I really forgot alot of details haha! I mean I'll never forget getting locked up in a large dog cage, but I definitely forgot the handcuffs! I think what I couldn't help but like about Toma despite how drastic his actions are is that he knows what he's doing is wrong. His analogy of the heroine being a captive princess, him being the demon king and Shin being the hero made it evident that he recognises his actions of locking her in a dog cage is wrong, but in his own twisted way, he assessed that this is the only way he could think of that would make sure she would be safe no matter what, and I guess to me, it's his own twisted way of taking care of her and that's enough. His immense guilt for doing this to her always gets to me even though I know he's crazy. Lmao, I love their childhood memory of the heroine telling Toma she likes him and wants to get married to him, and when Toma asks her then what about Shin, she's like Shin can be their child hahaha, she's so funny. Anyway, I actually forgot how crazy Ikki's fan club was and I definitely think the police should definitely be called because these girls are nuts. Otherwise, I enjoyed Toma's story much more than I thought would haha! I think his sincere desire to protect the heroine always made me like him even if he was insane lol. Looking back on my previous post, it seems like I was pretty scared of Toma when I first played his route haha! Now that I've played many more games, I think I can appreciate him for who he is now despite how crazy he is lol.

Shin (Heart World)

Are they dating already?! I don't remember that. All I remember is Shin not letting her eat cake because she'll get fat lolol. I feel like all he did was confess to her from memory🤔 BAHAHA, yes I now remember why I was so annoyed with Shin back in the day. He asks what she wants for their one year anniversary, you ask for a cake, and he's like no, you'll get fat AND has the audacity to add that you're already pretty round, yes I would like to kill him thanks. Contrary to what I expected though, I think I quite enjoyed Shin's character this time around, maybe I've built more tolerance to his types because I didn't think he was too harsh, or even when he felt quite harsh, he always doubled down and did something else to make it less bad e.g. when he called the heroine slow at unpacking but starts unpacking for her lol. He's got no delicacy, isn't good with words, kinda bossy but he's nice and kind, and always puts the heroine as the main priority no matter what and I guess I like that about him. I think what really made me like him was when he was scared holding the baseball bat at the lodging saying he was scared to hurt someone but he knew that if it was to protect her, he would do whatever he needed to do no matter what, and I think that touched me. The fact that even Shin has things he's very scared of but is willing to go against for her. And I quite liked how the heroine was a very resilient person towards criticism and proved to Shin how great of a singer she could be. I think their relationship would be great. I also really liked the mystery in this route because even though I vaguely remembered that it should be Toma, similar to when I first played this route, I never wanted to think it was Toma. I was always more ready to put the blame on Shin hahahah. Honestly, the confession hurt because you know how much it hurt all of them but how much it was needed for them all to move on. And you could see how everyone always prioritised the other, like the heroine immediately wanting to forget what Toma did to her the moment she realised who the culprit was and what he did to her, and Toma didn't want to reveal it because he knew it would hurt them knowing why and what happened, and Shin didn't want to reveal it but still felt like he had to for all their sakes. It was sad but I think I definitely appreciate Shin's route this time around haha! He's not just the boy that calls you fat haha!

Ikki (Spade World)

I remember liking Ikki and Kent so I'm quite excited to do this again! HAHAHA the Waka in this world was the most memorable for me, how could I ever forget the guy who says the customer is the enemy as a motto for morning assembly before starting work😂😂😂 Another memorable thing is the parfait CG, I love it so much! Something I've always enjoyed about this game is Kent and Ikki's relationship, they're so fun together I love them hahaha. Honestly, I can see why people complain about Ikki's route because it really does basically revolve around the fan club and accommodating them, but when I see moments with Ikki trying his best to win the heroine's heart and sincerely show his feelings and his true thoughts, I can't help but feel for him and acknowledge how difficult it is to be a sensitive and emotional person who has to deal with rejecting people constantly and how much of a toll that must be on him mentally. And honestly, considering how crazy the fan club is, it's very understandable why Ikki does what he does hoping to protect the heroine from them because he knows that if it gets too out of hand, it'll hurt her and there's a chance he might not be able to protect her from them especially with how many of them there are. I think I'm starting to remember why I really liked Ikki. I liked his vulnerability that he shows the heroine, and I like how serious he is towards her and how he honestly tells her that. And I guess it's refreshing to see the dilemmas of having so many people "love you". I still think the whole fanclub thing was solved way too easily for how crazy they were though lol.

Kent (Clover World)

Lmao, playing Kent's route again really makes laugh and love him. His messages that just say good morning and goodnight lolll. I think one thing that particularly stood out for me with Kent's route is that the heroine had a strong personality in this world that vastly affected their relationship because they both kept butting heads due to their personalities and it was fun and interesting to understand why they always fought with each other and yet still stayed together. Anyway, Ikki's World's Waka was scary in his own way but this one? Terrifying lol! I guess what I enjoy about Kent is how love is basically something illogical to the point that he can't understand the need for doing something like holding hands, but he still admits that he wants to hold the heroine's hand despite how he doesn't understand the logic for it and I think that's cute. Honestly, it felt like I had amnesia too playing this game because I forgot so many things but I'm slowly recovering my memories of them as I play. Other than remembering that I enjoyed this route because it's funny how Kent can be so silly, sweet but also ridiculous with his math problems lol, when the heroine admitted her memory loss, it finally clicked to me to remember why I loved Kent and his route so much. It was because the heroine losing her memories was a good thing for their relationship, and that seeing how scared Kent was of the heroine remembering how much she hated him was difficult for him to bear, especially now that they've gotten closer. It's an interesting contrast from how if the heroine didn't lose her memories in Toma's route, then she would have confessed to him and things would be fine lol.

I completely forgot about Kent's parents and their CG. I mean, their reason for not cooking isn't wrong but yeah you can see why Kent is the way he is lol. Seeing Kent all flustered really makes my heart warm because thinking about him at the beginning of this route compared to now is just so endearing, and it also shows how much he cherishes the heroine now and how afraid he is of what he did in the past and how much he doesn't want to lose her. I still remember her dog because of how cruel Kent was to her at that moment haha, it was understandable for her to say she hated him, just as it was understandable for Kent to be so scared of her remembering this memory and then hating him again. Just like when I first played the game, I still prefer the normal ending and how much more realistic it is for me haha.

Overall, I think what I really enjoyed about Kent's route is how much Kent changes. He doesn't understand much about how to love a person in the beginning, which is fine and hilarious to watch, but seeing him improve so much because the heroine lost her memories and was more patient with him made it very sweet. They both liked each other but couldn't stop arguing every time they met, yet continued to meet with each other because they liked each other, and I liked that, the fact that despite their differences, they both wanted their relationship to work out, and it did with the help of Orion haha! Watching Kent understand the fear of how it feels to possibly lose the one you love was nice because you could really see how much better he was at expressing how much he loved and cherished the heroine.

Ukyo (Joker World)

I completely forgot that everyone works at the cafe in this route, how fun! Everyone except Waka is fun hahaha, lmao legit died when he said he would kill Sawa with a straight face if she makes another mistake, next best Waka after 'the customer is the enemy!' one?🤣 The more I play, the more I remember how much I liked Ukyo, like yeah he's dangerous and could kill the heroine at any time, but his genuine love for her and desire to protect her always hits me hard and I just can't hate him. One other thing I really like about this route is Rika being a good friend, so much better than when she's maliciously crazy for Ikki lol. Anyway, I remember why I loved Ukyo's route so much haha. I think I really loved Ukyo and the heroine's relationship. Honestly, it's probably the "best" relationship out of the routes because they had a beautiful fateful meeting, met again coincidentally and started dating, but then everything just had to end tragically and even if it ended tragically that way, if supernatural powers or Nhil weren't involved, maybe he could have gotten over her one day, but because there was the possibility of saving her from death, Ukyo tried again and again to see her, save her but couldn't stop himself from falling into insanity after dying again and again, and I'm sure once his other personality came about, knowing that he killed her again and again must have broken him too. I really enjoyed how sincerely they both loved each other and how their relationship should have been so normal and sweet, but they were dragged into this fate of death that they both couldn't get out of when all they wanted was just to be together, it's such a tragic love, and I loved watching over them as they both got closer again even though Ukyo tried his best to distance himself, they were so cute. The reveal was very interesting and I really enjoyed the explanation about the weather haha, but yeah I do think I enjoyed this route quite a bit, just like I did back in the day when I first played this. I couldn't help but fall for Ukyo's genuine love for the heroine again, he was so adorable. I would always forgive him.

Overall, I still love Amnesia: Memories as much as I did back in the day, or even more actually! I'd rate it an 8/10 despite the heroine never really talking until the end of the routes, I'd say the exceptions are probably Ukyo and Kent's routes where she actually talks quite a bit or her personality shines through alot through the interactions and choices. Anyway, I got used to it and didn't mind that she didn't "talk" because I never really felt like she was a blank slate. But yeah, I probably did enjoy this more than I did back then because I actually enjoyed every single route this time around! Everyone was so fun in their own way. I loved uncovering the mystery of Shin's route, loved the uncertainty and uncomfortable atmosphere of Toma's cage, loved the angst and fear of Kent being hated, loved how it felt like we couldn't trust Ikki's love when he's actually the one who loved the heroine so much and didn't want to be lonely anymore, and I super loved the tragic love between Ukyo and the heroine. They were all so good, and the bad endings are really easy to get in the sense that you can very easily die, which is fun in its own way haha. I'm glad I played this game again before diving into Later x Crowd because it was definitely a great refresher of everything and it helped me to once again appreciate how much I enjoyed each guys' personalities and how much they all love the heroine in their own way.

[allwhoponder]

There are some real gems on here. Here are some of my favorites:

"Intemperance and business trouble"- Apparently she's not great at running a business. Don't they teach that in sowing class? Geez lady you can't expect your husband who had an actual education to know *everything*

"Imaginary Female Trouble"- the incredible vagueness of this is so amusing to me. Like the caretakers are just like "Idk man sounds like a woman problem to me, she must be crazy"

"Imprisonment"- "She was in jail, so she must be nuts, right?"

"Jealousy and Religion"- There is so much to unpack here and idk how to even start?

"Political Excitement" and "Politics"- as a PolySci major, this is fair.

"Overtaxing Mental Powers"- I mean she's basically Professor X, but... Female. So she's crazy.

"Asthma"- she has trouble breathing, so she needs a padded room.

"Exposure and Quackery"- Listing this alongside what I can only assume is various forms of exposure to the elements is hilarious. Like, "Yeah she's got hypothermia, but she's also full of crap so take her in boys"

"Fighting Fire"- Doesn't this lady know that if there's a fire in your home, you should treat it as a distinguished guest?

"The War"- While I can only assume this is WWI, part of me secretly hopes it alludes to something deep and metaphorical.

"Time of Life"- She's just *at that age*, you know?

"Greediness"- Ya know maybe this one should come back...

"Gathering in the Head"- I can't tell if this is anxiety, a headache, or acne and at this point I don't know if there's any way to be certain. It could be all 3.

"Gunshot Wound"- "This woman's been shot! Quick, use that straightjacket to apply pressure to the wound!"

"Rumor of Husband Murder"- But, like... Is the rumor true? The person writing it must have been skeptical if they included the Rumor part.

"Salvation Army"- tbf some of the stuff I've heard about them are pretty culty, and I'm LDS so I'd know. (That's sarcasm btw)

"Seduction and Disappointment"- This right here is GOLD. I'm not sure who was disappointed or how, but hot dang that's hilarious.

"Falso Confinement"- We put her in jail because of a rumor that she killed her husband, but then we found out her husband is alive and well... So we moved her from prison to the asylum.

"Feebleness of Intellect"- She's not crazy, she's just not bright.

"Female Disease"- Man I'm so glad we live in times where even men understand the notion of a period. Imagine having that wonderful discovery shortly after getting married.

Holy cow men in the late 1800s were crazy.

[aita-blorbos]

WIBTA For Not Letting my Ward See Her New Friend?

I (30sF) am currently the legal guardian to “Cadence” (13f), whose parents are on another continent for work. They have plans to officially move back to the states within the next few months, but have opted to send their daughter here first so the culture is less of a shock (my girlfriend offered for us to take her in, for reasons I’ll get to shortly). Until now Cadence has been homeschooled by her mother, so she’s pretty excited to attend public school for the first time, even if it means she’ll be transferring into 8th grade in the middle of it.

I live with my wife “Eliza” (30sF), our girlfriend “Hadley” (30sF), and our daughter “Jayne” (13f). The reason Hadley decided to offer up our home to Cadence is because she thought we could kill two birds with one stone: not only did Cadence need a place to stay and a friend would make her transition easier, but it would be in Jayne’s best interest to also have someone with whom she could socialize. Due to severe bullying by her now ex-best friend (“Jennifer Kingsley,” 14f), Jayne is being homeschooled by my wife (who’s qualified to teach) for the remainder of the school year. She wants nothing more than for the world to leave her alone, so sometimes getting her to therapy is like pulling teeth. As her mother, I want nothing more than for her to be happy, and to heal. We figured hosting Cadence would be worth a shot since the interaction would be one on one, it’d be in a place Jayne is most comfortable, each girl would have her own separate space, and the house is big enough so if they don’t get on they could easily avoid each other. When we talked it over with Jayne, I don’t think she took us seriously. We made it clear that we expected her to be polite at the very least. Cadence is still our guest regardless of whether they get along. It’d be ideal if they did, but completely fine if they didn’t.

The day Cadence officially came to stay with us, Jayne took her arrival very well. At first, she wasn’t keen on making friends because, and I quote, “girls suck,” but I think it changed when they actually met. She came out of her bedroom to say hello and helped Cadence put her things in her new room (which is across the hall from hers) without us asking. They spent more time chatting than unpacking to the point there was only one shirt hanging in the closet when Eliza went to tell them dinner was ready lol. She’s still a little prickly, but she understands this is a harder transition for Cadence than it is for her, so she’s being very good about keeping the snark to a minimum (thank God, because we had to explain sarcasm to Cadence). When we said our goodnights, Jayne was in a much better mood than she’d been in weeks. She couldn’t stop smiling. Apparently, she even snuck over in the middle of the night to keep Cadence company in case the homesickness was too much.

Cadence has settled in nicely. She’s incredibly sweet, bright, and bubbly, if a bit naive due to her upbringing. She has video calls with her parents every night (9PM our time is 6AM for them!), she helps Jayne with math (she can recite so much of pi, it’s nuts), and on her first movie night—which happens every Friday—she picked out and watched her first Disney movie: The Lion King (and unsurprisingly, she loved it. But first Jayne had to talk her out of Bambi; we plan on watching either Turning Red or Zootopia next week!). All in all, things are great on the home front... until now.

When she got home from school today, Cadence excitedly told Jayne and Eliza she made a new friend all by herself: a very sweet girl named Jennifer took her under her wing and made her part of her little group. Immediately suspicious, Jayne asked if it was Jennifer Kingsley, and by her description (since Cadence didn’t get her last name), it was. Until this point, Cadence didn’t know anything about or even questioned why Jayne’s been homeschooled instead of going to the middle school, but Jayne and Eliza told her the story. Cadence was surprised since that’s not what Jennifer told her at all (shocker). When asked how the topic even came up, she said that Jennifer wanted to visit her house so their parents could meet and they could get permission to hang out after school, but Cadence told her she lived with us. Jayne snapped that she better not have invited Jennifer over, and Cadence swears she didn’t. It’s not her house and she’s not that dumb, so of course she didn’t?

Jennifer is still an extremely sore subject for Jayne, which is understandable given how fresh the wound is. When Hadley and I came home from work that evening, Jayne had locked herself in her room and was refusing to speak to Cadence. She ignored her over dinner too. Cadence thinks the friendship with Jennifer can still work so long as she keeps it strictly to school, but Jayne doesn’t want Cadence or Jennifer anywhere near each other. She doesn’t trust either girl to keep it just to school, and frankly, neither do I. I’m not sure how much of Jayne’s anger is out of fear Cadence will turn on her and she’ll lose her as a friend, and how much is just pure rage due to it being Jennifer. We’re sleeping on it for now since, when Jayne gets like this, she’ll bite any hand that tries to calm her. This is why I get her to therapy.

I’ve had my share of toxic relationships when I was a teen. I can’t control who Cadence interacts with when she’s at school, but in my experience, what starts there never stays there. It’s going to follow her home eventually, whether she knows it or not. At the same time, I want to do right by Jayne.

WIBTA for not letting Cadence see Jennifer?