#there’s a lot to be fixed in this picture i think
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The rain came pouring down when I was drowning; that's when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you—I think I am finally clean.
#pokemon#steven stone#champion steven#tsuwabuki daigo#my art#stream 1989 tv#(clean was one of the songs that improved the most from the rerecord i think)#taylor swift#there’s a lot to be fixed in this picture i think#but i kinda like how crusty it is#it feels kinda thematically appropriate somehow#i also think there’s something wrong with me#because i had a hard time drawing rain on someone’s face without it looking kinda 😳#so i took a lot of it out#my water’s too thick i think#7.8/10#hey tumblr user championdaigo what does the second half of the caption have to do with the picture?? (nothing.)#listening to clean did inspire this drawing overall though#next picture will be steven vs groudon with the caption “the drought was the very worst"
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#selfie bee#good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself#I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose#I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years#thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint#he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it#my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago#as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds#he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where#I think tattoos are super cool (´。・v・。`) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo#it was heath ledgers face as the joker#at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years#a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets#can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet#he might have special abilities#I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week#miss you!! ♥♥♥
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More personality swap bc I thinks it's funny and I'm learning how to draw sm
#i cant draw his hair verry well but the fluffy version works nicely in my style#also the proportions on these r weird but i dont mind#its exactly serious ive been doing a#lot of serious drawing for my comic and just school in general so i needed a break#also the stars in sm hair stay#i like them#anyway tag time!#cookie run#crk#cookie run kingdom#crk shadow milk cookie#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla crk#pure vanilla cookie#ill add#custard cookie iii#custard cookie the third#bc why not ^^#i like to think in this au sm likes to make puppets or magic pictures to entertain others and himself#i might make a minj comic about it#i mean mini ^^u im too lazy to fix it rn#[personality swap]
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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found this one on a post
Fuck, that's good. I love the specificity of it
#I can't put it into words how I agree with it#but I DO#this is kinda a side tangent but there's something about the ocean that's ineffable to me#a story my mum has about when I was younger was that whenever we went to the beach I'd get in the water and stay there the whole time#and cry when they pulled me out to leave. and not cry in a 'toddler is upset' way. cry like 'this is legit emotional devestation' way#my lips would be blue from the cold and they'd still have to pull me out bc I would NOT leave of my own volition#no idea what my younger self was cooking but to this day... there's something about the ocean...#ANYWAYS tangent over my point is that seeing the ocean can fix a lot of things I think. so good picture thank you for it#not a pic#somebody asked me a thing!
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the good news is that ive made a flashcard set of church architectural terms. the bad news is that im not very good at making flashcards. read my tags to know how i fucked up + my sources boy
#i think i put definitions and terms reversed#i also put pictures on some of the answers for further clarification but for Matching and Multiple Choice it just gives the answer away LOL#so certain modes dont work like Spell#i really just made it with writing the answer down in mind#a lot of it is taken from How To Read A Church by Denis McNamara and some architecture glossaries that ic an link to if interested#its by no means the end all be all of compilations..#ill fix it. at some point. but i really made it just for me so who knows#i do know i plan to update for errors and just. adding things i didnt talk about#birbwellspeaks#churches#architecture
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so I heard you wanna talk religion in ttpd! let’s talk I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can).
“they shake their heads saying ‘God help her’ when I tell ‘em he’s my man.” this isn’t the outright controlling judgment of the saboteurs in But Daddy I Love Him. nobody is trying to tell her what to do or force her to break up. this is a simple admission that the situation she’s in is difficult, that she’s chosen a hard path and needs help. and what is her response? “your good Lord doesn’t need to lift a finger, I can fix him, no really I can.” she admits salvation is needed. but Taylor is casting herself as the savior. she doesn’t need any help, any grace, any divine assistance. in fact, she doubles down: “only I can”. she and she alone has the power to reform this man, because of the love between them. it’s reminiscent of False God, except now the idol isn’t their love, it’s just her. she’s going to save him.
what’s interesting to me is we don’t know how the themes of salvation would have been recapitulated in light of the reversal at the end of the song, “whoa maybe I can’t”, because the song ends there. maybe she can’t fix him because he is ultimately unfixable, irredeemable, worthless. or maybe she can’t fix him because she’s not God. and honestly, I think the song is meant to leave us wondering. she’s waking up to reality, but is the reality his smallness of soul or her power trip?
so what is the blatant Christian language in this song for? is it telling us that Christianity is evil for implanting the idea of redemption into our minds when it doesn’t really exist? or is it a hint that trying to become our own gods, even with the best of intentions, is a pathway that leads only to death?
#I think a lot of women do have resentment toward their Christian upbringing precisely because they absorbed this idea of saving a fallen man#but what we have to recognize is#Christianity does not teach that women are supposed to save men!!#Christianity teaches that we are all saved by Christ!!#and so the answer is actually to go deeper into Christianity not to flee from it#and it’s interesting to me that this song doesn’t outright contradict that!!#the song is not about the psychology of trying to fix someone#it’s about the theology of it#Taylor explicitly paints herself as Savior and not psychiatrist#she would have died for his sins!!!!!#and so we can talk all day long about the foolishness of trying to fix someone#but Taylor paints a picture of an even more hubristic foolishness#and the answer could be either ‘he wasn’t worth fixing in the first place. you shouldn’t have tried.’#OR it could be ‘you should’ve had some humility. you should’ve relied on the Lord and not your own strength’#this is me admitting I need a music tag#is it a little dickish of me to post this? yes. I am an imperfect person
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The Revenge Of Two Hands One Mouth - O2 Academy Bristol (November 27, 2013) by Adam Gasson
#right so I missed out on the Ron photos in that post I made because getty was set to only show pictures Russell was tagged in#but Ron deserves his own post anyway so it all worked out for the best. Look at him. (I am going insane.)#as an avid Ron-sider at gigs for the last decade I forgot how absolutely relentless the gaze was. especially when it's just the two of them#20-something year old me was like 'oh hell yeah I am going to look this man in the eyes' (call it the naivety of youth)#this man has outgazed people for DECADES. (What was I thinking.) ((zero regrets - time of my life.))#Russell 'misspoke' a few times during the tour calling Ron 'the hardest man in show business'. It's all 100% true facts.#so I am sure some of you will enjoy these photos a lot (there's more when you follow the link)#ron mael#sparks#sparks (band)#the revenge of two hands one mouth#trothom#november 27 2013#2013#10's#bristol#I guess I won't be done talking about this show/tour for a while as it seems I can't focus on anything else (but I think that's right)#(p.s. I realized I got a few things wrong in that other post so I fixed that)#trothom europe
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was thinking of naevys, zenith's mom friend, and thinking about her whole deal a bit because i struggle to just make side characters without developing them at least a little lol. she's a widow and had three kids, two daughters and a son, and lost both daughters during wyrm war one. decided i wanted to design the daughters, so here they are! the whole family follows/followed kezdall, hence the bear symbols. extremely lazy armor here but we don't worry about that, this gets the idea cross well enough. i think they were both clerics, maybe a cleric and a paladin? they both fought in the war rather than being civilian casualties, i know that. daughters went out to fight in the war, son stayed home to watch out for mom and dad. might draw the son separately, we'll see how far this inspiration takes me lol
#zenith lucked out in a LOT of ways with naevys being the one who found him#one way i'm thinking of here being that naevys knows how to take care of curly hair so now zenith does too lol#i think sitting him down to comb out his hair (probably after helping him wash it) and braid it back out of his face felt nostalgic for her#how many times did she do that for her own kids#i'm tempted to redraw long-haired-daughter (alystin) with braids instead of a ponytail actually#considering drawing all three kids together so maybe then. we'll see!#art tag#naevys tag#not pictured but still belongs in her tag#eratee tag#alystin tag#hmm i think their skin is too saturated. yeah definitely too saturated#edit: fixed their faces and gave alystin a braid. better
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if only my digital sketches were as good as my paper-pencil ones then i'd be unstoppable
#i cant be bothered to try and get good lighting and i draw on like. a super tiny notebook#so its kind of hard to get good pictures#sometimes i'll sketch digitally for hours and then finally ragequit#and then i'll go and sketch in my notebooks and im like ohhhhh yeahhhhhh i know how to draw. why did i think that i didnt.#tragic#i can free hand a lot traditionally but not digitally. irritating#i really do have to start a trad sketch and then finish digitally or else im just completely clueless. alas#edit: i got it the wrong way around im so stupid. sorry. its fixed now
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i’m back temporarily, bc it’s my birthday in an hour and a half, and i’m having a mini breakdown, hehe x
#there’s also so much pressure to make it a good day but that might also just be me honestly#i’m kinda having a quarter life crisis? a tiny bit?#like just thinking about time ya know?#i was looking at my baby pictures which is a super good idea when you’re going through a crisis#but it feels insane that that tiny human is me#and i feel so bad#i’ve been so hateful to myself and i think about that little girl and i’m crying#but i’m trying to fix things but it’s not i can completely make everything perfect#i’ll still have the same problems it’s just finding new ways to deal#anyways happy (early) birthday to me i guess#as for me using this blog again?#idk really#just trying to pop in and try to keep it fun and staying away when it’s not instead of forcing myself#i half want to just get rid entirely but i also don’t#but idk my reasons for staying don’t feel very right#it’s just not fun anymore#and trying to make it fun again just feels like forcing the issue#so i really don’t know#i’m just trying to figure out the right thing to do#i don’t have the energy to deal with it all right now#just don’t expect to see me around a lot#i’m sticking to my detox for a while#again if you want to reach me you can add my discord or whatever
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Pelican Eel - The Abyss
Endless Ocean, Nintendo Wii
these are some of the guys i wish got a glow-up for the sequel, because man these textures don't really look like them irl, and how cool would it be for them to actually have gulping animations
#i think it might be bc some of the games textures are clearly based off what the creature look like dead#bc those pictures would have been higher quality and easier to find at the time#but cmon... a lot of those were fixed in the sequel#why not him?#...that and mahi mahi lol#endless ocean#endlessocean#endlessoceanphotos#nintendo wii#wii#pelican eel#the abyss#endless ocean 1
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today is one of those days im just genuinely happy to be alive <3 despite everything.
#i think going on the beach and also having gay sex fixed me#a lot of things are bad but honestly today i feel like the good things make it worth it to keep going#i know i wont always feel like this but im enjoying it while it lasts#i was looking at a picture of myself like damn dude youve come so far. thats fucking awesome
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current sketchbook wip 🌙🌟💻 (the Sailor Moon postcard is just a placeholder lol)
#picture post#2024#original art#own art#art in progress#everything is hand drawn except the desktop background and symbols + the album cover in the media player#(well and the postcard obviously)#acrylic markers#gel pens#Windows 95#if i ever went back to making my own website i'd love to have an unmoving/fixed frame with the navigation links again#is this still a thing? do browsers still support this? (was this ever accessible for disabled ppl?)#ugh i just remembered smartphones are a thing that a lot of ppl use for internet stuff nowadays#i'd have to think about that as well 🙄
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I'm honestly obsessed with Mr. Xiao. He may be my favourite (very) tertiary character ever. I love everything he adds just by being how he is in the context of the worldbuilding and sidequests of the Xianzhou. Arguably something similar happens with master Huaiyan
#The beginning and the end#No but really I love him. I'm taking pictures of Mr. Xiao like crazy this is stupid. I have over a dozen now xD#But it's all so intriguing? The potential of the vagueness of barely knowing him?#And still how telling and meaningful and fitting it all is? Goodness did they include all that on purpose?#Am I reading too much? Is HSR really this careful with details?#The first thing Mr. Xiao tells us is that he *guarantees* he'll fix whatever we need#and that it would be good as new‚ which has echoes of the 'arrogant craftsman'#Then he is silent and stubborn. He doesn't want to beat around the bush or engage in idle chat#And the fact that Mr. Xiao was the one proposing the renovation of the market seems to be so fitting#of someone who once studied under Yingxing? Yingxing‚ who against all odds was able to do what he did as a short life species#Yingxing‚ who liked to go beyond expectations in his crafts‚ beyond what could be done#Mr. Xiao being open to change‚ and change brought over by short life species‚ makes so much sense#It also works in a symbolic way I think. Mr. Xiao as one of the last remnants of that period that is lost to tales#Yet accepting and encouraging the change#And still in his shy stern stoic demeanour he gifts us the object that tells a story about that which was and that which made him who he is#I don't know... Every detail around this character is so well integrated and serves as culmination or terminus of so many stories#I like him a lot as stupid as it is to be so fond of such a fleeting character haha#Mr. Xiao#I talk too much
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why do Quackity's characters always have so much aromantic spectrum swag in every mcrp
#still thinking about what he said after marrying Wilbur('s picture) yesterday#it's the 'I launched myself into this relationship thinking it'd fix everything in my life but I don't feel any different' of it all#and the 'this person was kind/was there once I will now latch onto them because this feeling must be love right... right?'#those ones fit more with c! and q! then k! but k!Q also just gives me a lot of aro vibes#<- I am DEFINITELY not just projecting because I am arospec-
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