#there would have to be some reason that the sign was put up

[ppnuggiexxx]

-> best / biggest tits to suck on || whb

• characters :: ronove ,, mammon ,, marbas ,, glasyalobolas

• contains :: dom reader ,, fem reader ,, hickies ,, marking , possessive reader (mammon + marbas) ,, switch marbas ,, making glasya submit ,, mentions of glasya's chest hole ,, possibility of being caught by levi (glasya) ,, they all have fat tits

• minors dni

-> ronove

| • hes one of the few larger demons ,, and one with a large chest too . most devils of abbadon already know how big his tits are ,, having experienced them first hand

| • though when you see for the first time ,, after finally getting him out of all that clothing ,, you were whipped for a little touch

| • have you seen that one fanart of him as a nun w/ nipple piercings ?? had me drooling ngl

| • his would be so soft ,, after all he does take good care of his skin and his chest is mostly covered by soft cloth

| • his nipples perk easily with temperature change and / or the slightest touch

| • all you gotta do is rub your thumbs over them and theyre already budding up ,, hardening under your fingertips

| • now they arent too sensitive ,, but that doesn't change the fact he still feels pleasure from them

| • you can truly tell how soft they are when your tongue swivels around one of his nipples

| • he'll groan through his gag ,, humping against your leg as you suck on his nipple

| • 10/10 tiddy ,, 10/10 experience ,, softest skin ever

-> mammon

| • i mean ,, is there even an explanation needed for him ? he has his tits out 24/7 ,, takes any chance possible to have your face buried in them ,, and encourages you every time you ask to put your face there

| • theyre so soft and squishy ,, its quite addicting and makes you always come back for another feel ,, only to end up unsatisfied when your time is up

| • though he'll always have time for you ,, its only when other kings pull you away from his chest does your time end

| • no matter how much you whine about your lost ,, the other kings won't listen to it ,, mammon being the only one to back you up on your wants

| • after all ,, what his master wants is what his master will have ,, even if its his body ,, especially if its his body

| • if you wanted his body then you would have it ,, all of it or any specific part you want ,, because you're his master and you will always get what you want from him

| • and if that includes sucking on his tiddies selfishly ? well ,, who is he to deny you such a thing ,, especially if you get all shy and fidgety about it ,, he finds it cute whenever you ask in a quiet voice to suck his tits

| • theyre not as soft as ronove's ,, but theyre still super squishy ,, who needs a stress ball when you have this ? who needs slime when you can just massage mammon's tits whenever and wherever you want ?

| • though he can't help the little whimpers he gives when you finally suck on his tits . who knows ,, maybe you could splash some liquid gold on there and lick it off his nipples and suck bites into the flesh

| • it'll certainly be obvious who he belongs to ,, fueling your selfishness and letting him walk proud knowing you own him ,, that only his master can give him such treatment and truly feed into his sin

-> marbas

| • it'll certainly be a moment before you can get him shirtless . after all ,, lucifer has him bound and restricted for a reason ,, not to mention his role as a doctor for devils coming day in day out with injuries

| • though the moment you get him without a shirt on ,, probably in the morning or at night when he's changing his clothes ,, is when you'll finally get your chance to pounce

| • his are rough and firm ,, but it doesnt make it any less fun to suck on

| • straddle his lap ,, he'll keep ahold of your hips while you take your time with him ,, sucking and biting wherever you can

| • even though they'll show up as bruises the next morning ,, he wouldn't mind ,, as he is a doctor and does have solutions to hiding any signs of pain on his skin

| • though the devils that do notice dont bother to say much ,, though a few will be bold enough to ask and tease ,, asking if he got ravaged by a wild beast with how much you've marked his pale skin

| • he'll only glare at them and continue with his treatment ,, quickly shooing them out of his way for the next patient

| • that doesnt mean he hates it ,, if you want to mark him head to toe he'll gladly let you ,, granted he could do the same

| • after all ,, you do have all night ,, and the night after that and the rest of the year and years to come

| • you can renew your marks whenever and he can return the favor for you

| • his nipples are always perky ,, firm and always budded up ,, but theyre quite sensitive

| • you can suck all you want against his nipples ,, maybe even give them a little nibble . you'll feel his hard dick twitch underneath you ,, pressing up against his pants painfully

| • whenever they brush against his restraints he has to hide his moans ,, the stimulation only adding up more reasons for lucifer to bound him tighter

| • the last thing he needs is marbas losing control of his pleasure while healing patients ,, this is a hospital not a club

-> glasyalobolas

| • it doesnt take much coaxing from him to let you see his tiddies ,, you just have to know the right method

| • while a fan of seeing trouble be caused ,, hes not one to enjoy getting in trouble if it means being caught

| • but the thrill of being caught by leviathan ,, with you sucking on his fat tits while sitting in his lap ,, outweighs his worries

| • he'll risk being hung and punished ,, especially since you're so polite when you ask ,, how cute you look asking if you can suck on his tits ,, saying you'll let him grind against you if he wants to

| • its offer he has trouble refusing ,, taking you to an empty room near leviathan's office and letting you have the satisfaction you've been craving

| • his chest is also firm ,, but his skin isnt as soft but its not exactly rough ,, not to mention the whole in the middle of his chest

| • a healing wound ,, but one that you can have fun with ,, poking your fingers in it and threatening him that if he makes a noise ,, that if leviathan hears ,, you'll do worse then just stick your fingers in there

| • glasya couldnt help the whimper he gives ,, his gaze darkening as he mutters how cruel you are

| • though you decide to save that for another day ,, another night where you can have him all to yourself and tease his body to your heart's content

| • he'll be quiet when you finally suck on his nipples ,, maybe gasping and groaning when you bite him

| • due to how tall he is ,, he'll probably lean up purposely ,, making you lose your grip on his nipple as he stands up

| • all you have to do is command him to kneel ,, and if he doesn't you could always pull his noose to bring him to his knees ,, maybe pushing him farther to ground with your foot

| • trapping him against the wall and ground ,, standing above him as you hold onto the chains attached to his horns as you threaten to punish him again

| • he'll listen this time ,, letting you enjoy your suckle and leave hickies along his skin ,, knowing you'll get off to his pain

[ffjj5]

Its been a while Jikookers, but let me tell you why...

Just a warning this post will talk about grief and death, so if you aren't in a place to want to read that right now please scroll past 💜

On October 11th my world changed and I am still working out how to be in it without my best friend. I have never felt loss and pain like I do right now but I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who will help me work this shit out. My beautiful friend of 20+ years died after a very short time in Neuro ICU following a burst brain aneurysm. No warning, just walking home from lunch with a friend on the 3rd October and she collapsed in the street, she never regained consciousness and died peacefully surrounded by her siblings, children and mum 8 days later on 11th October.

It's the little things I am struggling with, the coffee dates on my days off, the messages she would send just to say 'love you' and ask how your day was, the random phone calls because she was putting off gardening or housework, the messages to say have lovely trip the day before or after you went as she always got the date wrong, but she never forgot the important dates and would spend her last pound to get you a card to celebrate.

One of the reasons for me posting on here is because I want to recognise how being part of this fandom and being a Jikooker has had a profound impact on my grieving during this time. In life some people come along and impact on your life in a way they may never understand because you can't find the right words to tell them, but even from thousands of miles away their words bring you strength and comfort, a hug in the form of a voice message. Part of me working through this shitty grieving process has been to just say what is in my head into my phone and send the message to this person, with no expectation of a reply or words of wisdom, but she has never let me down. Even if its just to say 'keep going, it will get better', she has never allowed me to feel unheard.

So @dgtn please stand up and accept your virtual hug, until I can give you one in person 😊

A week ago we had a ceremony and celebration of life for my friend and it was beautiful, the sun shone, we cried, we laughed ( she loved to laugh and was always making us laugh) and I started on the next part of my grief journey, to learn to live without her but never forgetting her.

Everyday is a new day and some are harder than others, work is either a blessing of a distraction, or a curse, as my ability to deal with stress and the stupidity and pettiness of the general public is better some day then others. My work colleagues have been beyond amazing and the love and support they have given me has been beyond anything I could imagine. But I know my friend would be shouting at me to live my life now as it is too damn short and can be gone in an instant, so that is what I am doing. Next year is busy, first K-pop concert (Ateez, don't get me started on how excited I am), West end theatre show, and the icing on the cake is a trip to Niagara falls and NYC in March! Not to mention the impending BTS concert when that pesky military service is over for all our guys.

Music is an important part of my life and BTS' music has helped me massively, I have cried to it, I have sung my heart out to it, and I have sat in silence and just listened to it and taken comfort from their lyrics.

One song which has seen me do all three is Zero o clock, so what better way for me to sign off than with this...

[alextydaisuda123]

Pepperman PT + MLP Creepypasta [WARNING!: Lots of text] Let's admit honestly that MLP Creepypasta has already become a separate fandom, existing separately from MLP itself, whose stories are one better than the other. I've had an image of Pepperman in the role of "Lil Miss Rarity" in my head for a long time. Why her? Well, explanations in the studio! 👏 1. There is something in common between the characters of both, and both are creative natures and love themselves; 2. Both have cats (this is not a reason, but just a fact); 3. I can imagine Pepperman as the same sado-masochist, but in his "role"; 4. Let's admit that Pepperman can be a "Daddy" too 🌚✨️ 5. Lil Miss Rarity used to be one of my favorite creepypastas (which I only knew a quarter of, it turns out, because the rest of the story was shrouded in darkness for me for many years, and... I just didn't understand the rest of the events when I learned the rest of the story, so for me only a part of it exists and that's enough for me). Well, if I explain the image, then... I took from the original Lil Miss Rarity only scars with scratches and a black eye. As for the brand, sorry, but I removed it, because there is nowhere to put it on Pepperman, but the question is, would he have made it as a "sign of devoted and mutual love of fans and himself", the answer is "yes", damn it!>:) For some reason I wanted to remove his shoes and gloves, exposing his paws and hands, replacing them with something else (I don't know what it is, like... the remains of his shoes and gloves? I have no idea how to explain this😐), like for the sake of convenience and "beauty". As for the doll, I'll go into a little more detail about it, because I slightly changed the events in the story, if Pepperman were like Rarity. I'll start with the fact that the wounds were not left by his kitten Chili (because he, logically, is a kitten, not aggressive and physically cannot scratch him), but by Noise, who ruined his paintings and statues once again. During the fight, Phil got injured and he killed Noise, and in fear and panic, in order to cover his tracks, he made a doll of Noisette because of Noise's connection with her (now Noisette's phrase: "You will always be in my heart" played with irony, lol) and placed his heart there, hid the remains (he does not remember where), and disguised the blood as paint (which he later drew with due to carelessness, but from there came the pleasure of drawing with this, and then a tendency to cruelty). Don't ask what I smoked to come up with this, I just wanted to speculate on this topic, to bring his image to at least some logic. And finally, I made the style of the drawing almost like from the comic about Lil Miss Rarity herself. I thought it was appropriate here. Yes, I didn't color Pepperman himself, he was originally in b/w, but I colored him in digital format, just to show the approximate shades of his palette as a whole. Is this necessary at all? 🤔 No, but if someone was still interested in finding out, here it is. And while I was drawing, I listened to 2 songs dedicated to this creepypasta (and I took the phrase written next to it from the song and replaced the word "mommy" with "daddy". So yes, now we have a cruel, but "loving" daddy😏.

Color version:

[alexanderwales]

Notes on 3000 miles

Last year my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a high resting heartrate. So I started biking on an exercise bike, and by my best estimations, I'm either close to hitting 3000 miles or have already gone past that.

I should clarify that this wasn't all at once. I took many breaks.

So here are some notes.

When I started, I was on an exercise bike that my wife had gotten from her work. It wasn't the best, but it was free, and I made a deal with myself that if I biked every day for a month, then I could justify getting something better. I really really did not want to buy a piece of exercise equipment that would just sit in the house gathering dust, because that would feel awful ... but I do kind of wish that I had gotten the better bike sooner, because it removed some of the "friction" of exercise, where it felt like there were too many reasons not to get on the bike. The new exercise bike (a refurbished Peleton off Facebook marketplace that my wife got me for Christmas) really does just feel and move better. I think the general principle of not doing costly monetary commitments until you've shown costly personal commitment is a good one, however.

Blood pressure is in normal range. Cholesterol is in normal range. Resting heartrate is in normal range. This was all the case three months in, and this level of cardio is more than enough to maintain it.

Right now, I bike for thirty minutes a day, going 8-10 miles according to the bike. That range is enormous, because it represents vastly different amounts of work. Going 10 miles in 30 minutes is 20 miles an hour, and I keep the resistance relatively high, so by the end of it I'm always panting. By contrast, going 8 miles makes me feel like I didn't put in enough work.

My goal every day is sweat-based and completely qualitative. I want to soak through a shirt. This means that doing more laundry than I'd prefer to, which is an unanticipated consequence of the biking. It's also, compared to all the metrics the bike gives me, a very clear sign that I am actually exercising my body "properly" in a way that's achieving something.

I did some of the Peleton classes, and found a lot of the metrics to be motivating, but ... eh. Exercise is mostly about being healthy and maintaining my body, so my current strategy, for the last six months, has been to either shut the brain down or keep it fully engaged in something that passes the exercise time. Usually this means a TV show, especially a foreign one with subtitles, which need slightly more brainpower.

The final two minutes is always the worst. I'm just ready to be done with it. Sometimes there's gas left in the tank, but I still feel sweaty, thirsty, and overheated. I have a water bottle, and I drink from it while I bike, and I have a fan pointed at me that I turn on once I'm warmed up, but I always have a sense, in those last two minutes, of "finally I'm done". I tried the thinking man's solution, only biking for 28 minutes, and this did not help. In my entire year of biking a half hour a day, I didn't ever elect to go into overtime.

I initially lost ten pounds, then slowly gained it back. I am, in fact, overweight, but I'm holding more or less steady now, and there have definitely been some body composition changes, with muscle replacing fat. I went down about four inches at the waist. I've changed very little about how I eat (which is 90% meals that I cook myself, and a daily coffee drink of some kind, usually made myself with sugar/cream/chocolate). Biking amounts to 300-400 calories a day or something like that, so I'm presumably eating more to compensate and just not realizing it.

Mental health has been rocky, but that's just sort of how it is for me. I definitely feel less mentally well on days that I don't bike, and feel better afterward, but I have no idea how tight the correlation is, and if I had been keeping track on a mood tracker, I'm not sure I would be able to sus out from self-reported mood alone whether or not I was biking.

During the summer I replaced a lot of indoor exercise bike stuff with outdoor biking. My son has only recently learned to bike, so he's been with me many of these times. Usually that means that we're either biking a lot less distance, or we're biking for a lot longer time at much lower intensity, sometimes both. There's a bike path that's downhill from our house which goes for maybe six miles, with some good, clear turn back points, but that means a fairly arduous uphill to get back home. If I lived in a place where the weather wasn't frigid for almost half the year, I would probably be doing outdoor biking more.

I think the most important thing, if you're doing exercise every day, is making sure that you're doing it in such a way that it's sustainable and virtually incapable of injuring you. This mostly means proper form. Early on, I had a habit of pressing down the right pedal with the outside edge of my foot, and after fifteen minutes of doing that, the muscles in the foot would be aching and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why I was doing that, but it was difficult to get myself to bike in a way that wouldn't be putting strain on me.

I think it's okay to skip a day ... if it's for the right reason. Of the days that I've skipped, I always try to make sure the reason isn't "fuck it, I don't want to". I should either be feeling sick, feeling like I need to rest, or replacing biking with some other form of exercise like a hike in the woods or some weightlifting or something. If I start skipping days because I just don't feel like it, that's where the whole scheme falls apart.

I am currently sort of wondering how long this is going to go on for, and I think the answer is "for the rest of my life", or at least until I'm unable to keep it up for whatever reason. I don't think there's any particular reason to prefer an exercise bike (or regular bike) over running or rowing or some other form of cardio, but I think I have proven to myself that this is cardio I can do daily and stick with it to the level that is probably necessary for me to stay healthy. I'm not committed to doing it for the rest of my life, since in theory some other form of cardio might come along and sweep me off my feet.

I do wish that I had started earlier in my life, even if daily exercise has not been the panacea for mental health that I had been kind of hoping it would be. I hope that I have the willpower and wisdom to keep up with it indefinitely.

[pinkandpurple360]

I wouldn't blame anyone for finding Look My Way too Stolas-sympathetic and weepy but honestly I think on the whole it's way better than most of the songs he gets in the show

and that's because it actually has a narrative arc to it. Stolas reflects on his life, realizes he is the problem between him and Blitzo, actually shows some empathy for the armor Blitzo has developed as a result of being impoverished, then decides on an action: making amends for making Blitzo a means to an end. and it retains his original classist character by having the impish plaything line that the show whitewashed over

it still has the same problem anything Stolas related does in that it's hard to care about his repeated pleas for Blitzo to look his way, but it's a far more concise view of him as a character and crucially he actually shows some ability to self reflect in it and then take action based on his conclusions

ParanoidDJ released the original after ep6 but honestly it would fit perfectly in the show after ep7, where Stolas comes back in from the party. instead of getting drunk, maybe he stops and makes himself think about where things went wrong

instead the songs he has in the show are

Stolas Sings - immediately implies Blitzo lied to him, so no self reflection or introspection. It's set up he'll go to get a crystal but that isn't referenced in the lyrics, it's just a split second freeze frame when he chucks his book into view of the camera which is bad storytelling. It's all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that. no sign of care for what he's done to Blitzo or Via unlike Look My Way.

All 2 U - a breakup reflection where he does no self reflection or introspection. blames Blitzo for stuff he did (let him get too close/go on too long/fell too far). all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that

duet number - does say he maybe did something wrong, but it only counts if Blitzo didn't actually want him (then when Blitzo confirms that, he proceeds to...show no self reflection or introspection - just he's the victim and that's that, you get the idea)

the show numbers not only fail to move the plot forward, they don't move Stolas' character forward at all. Look My Way really sticks out as one of his numbers because it's basically the only one where he does explicitly say 'I'm in the wrong and need to fix things' where in the show it's always 'maybe I did something wrong, maybe, but you hurt me so you're more wrong and I'm putting off doing any self reflection on what my issues are until Tuesday - when I'll put it off again'.

he's far more proactive in LMW too - he doesn't sound like he'll just give up on making amends at the first failure. meanwhile Show Stolas has done only two proactive things when it comes to Blitzo onscreen: making the deal and breaking the deal. both things were done for his own benefit and he's now back to being passive and expecting Blitzo to be the one to come crawling back to court him even though Blitzo has every reason to think he moved on with the succubus dude to spite him in particular

This moment here

It wasn’t him feeling some guilt/remorse for how obnoxious and forceful he behaved, or sympathy for Blitzs unhappiness. He is thinking “Aww….he doesn’t love me, that makes me so sad. Poor me. I deserve love. I just want a lover.”

Well anon, the simple explanation LMW stolas is so different…..is, Vivienne/Sam Haft didn’t write that. They both do think stolas is the more innocent and more victimised party. That’s why before Full Moons confrontation, stolas has sung not one, not two but three sad ballads about his soft boy romantic feelings. And it’s why stolas’ personality was changed drastically between his nasty truth seekers self to his Ozzies bleeding heart self. To make you forget his 1-6 self ever happened and pity him.

While blitz was only allowed to smirk and make sex jokes in a verse of stolas’ third sad song. With the intent of making him look like the “real” pervert with a cold black heart. His verse in when I see him was intended by Sam to set up “that your first instinct is that it’s always (gasp) about sex (closes eyes solemnly)” line. Stolas is allowed to have an inner monologue, desires, worries, regrets and hopes. Blitz is only allowed say “fuck” “penis” and “im traumatised”** with an asterisk saying that makes him an asshole and not “baby” stolas’ fault. Spoken to you in apology tour dialogue delivered by the lovely: Vivienne Mayday aka Verosika Medrano.

Viv didn’t write look my way, and disagrees with the narrative.

She hates Octavia for not being more grateful to her father and thinks stolas deserves to be free from being her parent. So took his line about her out of the song. Twitter emboldened her to go through with this belief. So she took her line out of LMW.

She hates blitz for disliking upper classes, implies he’s “just like a supremacist” against princes for it. I think this also came from Twitter. You are NOT allowed to point out the racism of stolas or you’ll be branded a striker sympathiser.

She agrees with stolas fans that the real reason blitz doesn’t trust stolas’ gifts with no catch is nothing to do with stolas’ previous exploitative transactional actions….it is….because of his own mean imp father? Because Cash taught him love is transaction. A very convenient excuse Viv absorbed again, from Twitter and YouTube.

Cuz….it was cash. Not the sexual extorter who held his job over his head. That’s his soulmate cause owls only mate once via eye contact and die of broken hearts if they can’t have their mate forever. His 25 year long lust for someone he only knew as a child isn’t weird at all wdym. In fact all the bad stuff is Blitzs fault.

She absorbed all of this nonsense from Twitter takes, specifically the stolas stans, because she thinks putting fandom talking points into canon is a safe bet. The actual story is out the window, there isn’t one.

See how letting the stolas fandom twitter write your story for you makes for a biased fucked up victim blaming story that coddles a sexual abuser with “involuntarily celibate” arguments?

When she makes stolas reflect and take accountability, the reaction she wants you to have is “Poor baby stolas blames himself which shows what a good little boy he is! Even though nothing is ever his fault!” She just wanted to make money off of someone else’s work.

[sinnabarmoth]

Trusting You

Pairing: Rafayel x fem|Reader

Summary: Reader is bisexual but hasn't come out to anyone before. She decides that she's going to tell her boyfriend Rafayel first.

Content warnings: None

Length: 1k

~~~

You felt like throwing up. Which probably wasn’t a good sign. Then again, you had felt nauseous the other times you tried to do this. This would make your third attempt at coming out to your boyfriend.

You knew from an early age that you liked boys and a little later on you started to figure out girls were pretty too. Was your first crush on that mermaid princess in your one storybook? Yes. Was there a girl in your primary school that you had developed a crush on and didn’t know how to deal with it so you avoided her at all costs instead? Yes. Have you told anyone that you are bisexual? No.

It wasn’t that you were ashamed of who you were or anything, and you really had nothing to fear living in Linkon and being queer. But the fact remained that you were scared that coming out would change things between you and the people you cared about. You didn’t want things to change. Life was going pretty well. You were doing well at work, you had great friends, and your boyfriend Rafayel was the literal sweetest.

But as time stretched on you felt the weight of your hidden sexuality bearing down on you. So, you had decided that you had enough of living in the closet. You were going to come out and be proud of who you were and to hell with anyone that treated you differently because of it. Out of everyone you thought of telling you decided that you wanted to tell Rafayel first.

It wasn’t because you had found some hot new girlfriend to run off with but you trusted him. Rafayel had never shied away from being supportive of the queer community and had even done a charity auction of some of his exclusive pieces to raise money for trans youth. So you knew you had nothing to fear, but getting the actual words out was proving harder than expected.

You had tried once while over dinner and chickened out. You tried again at the charity auction but again couldn’t say it. Now you were at home with Rafayel, the two of you watching a movie. You weren’t sure why you decided this was when you wanted to try telling him again. Maybe because it was so normal. There was no pressure in this instant.

You kept glancing at him, unable to focus on the screen. It’s was just three little words. “I am bisexual.” That’s all you had to say and it would finally be out there and you wouldn’t have to carry around this secret anymore. At least not around Raf.

Your head was on his shoulder, a blanket draped across your laps. His arm around you was tracing soothing circles across your skin. You focused on the motion, taking even slow breaths to calm yourself.

In and out. In…and out… You could do this. Three little words.

“Raf,” you forced the words out, “Can I tell you something?”

“You know you can tell me anything.” he turned his attention away from the tv. “What is it?”

“I just…I um…” and there your tongue went to lead again.

His brow furrowed as he saw the sentence stuck in your throat. He quickly paused the movie and pulled you closer. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine, I just…” you took a deep breath and screwed your eyes shut. “I’m bisexual.”

There was silence. Followed by a soft. “Oh.”

“And I’m not saying this for any particular reason! I promise.” your hands fisted the blanket, your eyes still shut tight. “I really do love you and only you but I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now but every time I tried I kept getting nervous and not doing it. And I don’t want this to change anything with us. Really I don’t. And if you need a minute to think about this--”

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Rafayel put a finger to your lips, “Calm down. You’re gonna run out of air talking that fast.”

You peeked your eyes open. “Sorry.”

“No. You don’t need to apologize. I have no problem with you being bisexual, I’m happy that you told me.” he said giving you a reassuring smile. “And I’m sorry if I made you think that you couldn’t come out to me sooner.”

“It isn’t you. I know you wouldn’t have cared it’s just…” you took another breath and gathered your thoughts, “I haven’t told anyone about it. Ever. Not any of my friends or family. I’ve known for years but I always felt weird when I thought of bringing it up.”

“Cause you didn’t want things to change.” He said.

You nodded. “But I’ve been in the closet for so long and I was getting sick of it. And I knew I could trust you to not freak out about it.”

“I get it. I’m proud of you though. And I love you, exactly as you are.” he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “And whether you want to tell others in the future or if this is just between us right now that is fine. We’re gonna go at your pace, but I know everyone else will still love and cherish you no matter who you are capable of falling in love with.”

You melted against him, endorphins rushing through your blood and filling your mind with warmth as you finally truly relaxed for the first time in years. That weight that had been dragging you down for years finally being lifted to let you have this moment of acceptance and peace.

“Thanks.” you whispered. “I really needed to hear that.”

There was a moment of silence as you let yourself calm back down. Then Rafayel chuckled. You looked up at him. “What?”

“I can’t lie, my first reaction when you came out was, ‘Hi bisexual. I’m Rafayel.’” he said with a teasing smile.

You grabbed the pillow and whacked him with a laugh and roll of your eyes. “You are so lucky I love you, you dork.”

[tisayemate]

Vaporised

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader (callsign Vapour)

Fluff

Summary: Vapour teaches Hangman to put his mouth where his money is.

AN: tomorrow’s my birthday!! (Yup, sharing the same birthday as Scarlett Johansson and Mark Ruffalo 🥹)

Story under the cut:

Hangman was in rare form that morning—if by "rare" you meant absolutely, maddeningly, always insufferable.

The squadron had barely settled into the briefing room when Jake "Hangman" Seresin made it his mission to antagonize everyone in his orbit.

"Rooster, you planning to keep that mustache after I wipe the floor with you today?" he quipped, leaning back in his chair. "Or is it aerodynamic enough to help you fly better?"

Rooster shot him a flat look. "Shouldn’t you be studying the rulebook, Seresin? I hear you keep forgetting what 'teamwork' means."

Jake laughed, loud and carefree. "What can I say? I don’t need teamwork when I’ve got skill. I’m just built different."

"Built irritating," Phoenix muttered under her breath, earning a smirk from Bob.

In the corner of the room, you—call sign Vapour—remained silent, arms crossed, and gaze steady on the whiteboard. You had no intention of getting involved in Jake’s antics. He’d teased you enough in the past, despite the fact you barely spoke to him.

“Awfully quiet over there, Vapour,” Jake called out, turning his attention to you. “What’s the matter? Saving all your words for your post-match excuses?”

You didn’t even glance at him. “I, unlike some, don’t waste words,” came your reply.

That earned a round of "oohs" from the others, and even Hangman seemed momentarily caught off guard before recovering with a grin. “We’ll see if your flying’s as sharp as your tongue.”

The reason you were called Vapour wasn’t a mystery to anyone. During a training exercise, you’d pulled off a miracle landing with barely a drop of fuel left, earning you the respect of the instructors and the envy of a certain cocky aviator. Jake had never stopped trying to one-up you since.

Today’s dogfight simulation would be the perfect battleground.

Up in the air, Hangman’s taunts were relentless.

“Vapour, you sure you’re up there? Haven’t seen you all game,” he teased over the comms. “Or maybe that’s just your style—light and forgettable.”

Phoenix groaned. “Do you ever shut up, Seresin?”

“I’m just providing commentary,” he replied. “Gotta make things interesting while I mop the floor with you.”

You stayed quiet, focusing on your maneuvers. You weren’t interested in banter—you had one goal: take Hangman down.

Jake was good. Annoyingly good. But he was also predictable. He liked flashy moves and big risks, and you had no problem using that against him. You let him chase you for a while, luring him into a false sense of control.

“Gotcha now, Vapour,” he said smugly, locking onto your tail.

“Do you?” you replied, your voice finally cutting through the comms.

With a sharp roll and a sudden cutback, you slipped out of his sights and got behind him instead. Jake’s curses filled the channel as you locked on and fired the simulated kill shot.

“Hangman, you’re tagged,” Maverick announced.

Silence.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Jake Seresin had nothing to say.

“Vapour!,” Rooster cheered. “Finally someone shut him up!”

You smirked, leveling your jet and heading back to base. 

Back on the ground, Jake’s usual swagger was noticeably absent as the team debriefed. Rooster, Phoenix, and the others took turns mocking him, clearly reveling in his defeat.

Jake made a beeline for you afterward, his expression unreadable.

“Vapour,” he said, folding his arms. “You got lucky.”

You arched an eyebrow. “Luck? Or maybe you’re just all talk.”

For once, he didn’t have a comeback. He just stood there, staring at you like he was trying to figure you out.

Before he could say anything else, you gave him a pat on the shoulder. “You know Hangman’s actually the perfect name for someone who just got left swinging in the wind.”

And with that, you walked off, leaving him standing there—thoroughly humbled.

[buddiebeginz]

I get that some of you are nervous of Eddie leaving and Buddie not happening but trust me when I tell you Ryan isn’t going anywhere. There are zero signs that he wants to leave the show.

All of the main cast seem very happy and like a family and like they want to be working together for as long as possible. They’re also working in roles that you can’t do in just any other acting job, doing these crazy emergencies regularly. You don’t just leave a work environment like that for no reason. It’s also not like Ryan can’t do other projects while working on 911, he just worked on a movie not too long ago. So no he’s not leaving.

When it comes to Buddie I think some of you have gotten so used to storylines that play out instantly on streaming you’re not used to a network slow burn where you have to wait.

I get being scared of being let down by the show. I know how much we’re all hoping and waiting for Buddie to happen. But Buddie has been in the works for years. It was originally supposed to happen in s5 (Buck was supposed to come out in s4) but Fox refused to let it happen. So Tim left and then the show moved to abc and so Tim came back. When he did he started putting the wheels in motion for Buddie canon and that started with Buck coming out in s7. Buddie going canon has already started we’ve been in the storyline since last season when Buck’s coming out was heavily connected to Eddie.

If I didn’t think Buddie was going to happen or that it was a big maybe I’d say so but in all the years of watching the show I’ve never been as certain it’s happening as I am now.

The other thing is I think there would be zero doubt right now if Buddie was a straight ship. But because they’re two guys and they’re breaking new ground with being the first real slow burn queer ship on a primetime network show people will question if it’s happening the whole way.

Tim knows how a significant portion of the audience for the show loves Buddie. Tim, Oliver, and Ryan have all shown support for Buddie over the years which btw isn’t common for non canon queer ships. A lot of things are in our favor. If Tim didn’t want to make Buddie happen he would have made that clear when he came back and it’s been the total opposite. In s7 they were together more than ever and they’ve still been joined at the hip in s8 even if hey haven’t had a ton of scenes while Tim was closing up other storylines. We can see with 808 and recent interviews that the bulk of Eddie and Buddie’s s8 storylines are going to be in 8b.

I’ve seen people say why doesn’t Eddie just go get Chris and bring him home. I believe he will eventually but this storyline with Eddie contemplating moving to Texas isn’t as much about the Chris storyline as it is about the Buddie storyline. You have to have obstacles in a will they/won’t they that makes the audience think they aren’t going to end up together. There is always lots of angst leading up to the moment when they finally get together or get back together. This makes for a more emotional dramatic moment and some of the best tv.

We’re meant to think Eddie is leaving but even if he goes to Texas for a minute it won’t be permanent. I’m confident in saying we’ll have Buddie canon by the end of the season and Chris back too.

Please don’t let fandom’s tendency to catastrophize make you worry about where the story is going. Also take all the interviews with a grain of salt because they can’t and won’t tell us exactly where things are going. Like with the most recent Tim interviews and him making it sound like Eddie is moving. That makes sense because we’re right at the beginning of that storyline he can’t say what will happen.

Things with Buddie will take a little time to play out but we’ll get there. We are going into this hiatus in the best possible place we can be in right now and we should all be incredibly excited for what’s to come for Buddie in 8b.

[m4rs-ex3]

(even louder) trailer screaming part 2

the adrenaline i've had all day is making me crash hard so i'm tired so idk if i'll actually be screaming louder but like. internally i am

well starting off strong

oh fucking boy

first i'm gonna say i love the way he said "however ~vile~" like slay

and then i know that like. this feels like such an obvious/lame explanation but i do not believe this is "real". like of course there's the fact that the cube. yknow. isn't like that in real life that's just how it looks in his fever dream. a lame ass reason for sure but honestly my real reason for not believing this is that there's no way they'd put THIS reveal in the trailer. there's a distinctly lower number of new clips in this trailer then there has been for seasons past, which could be them building hype for the end of the arc(s), but still i have a feeling that there's only so much they were willing to put out (which excites me btw), so i doubt this would be one of those things, yk? i don't know anything ok im tired

could be another dream, could be hallucinations, could be anything

i do find it incredibly interesting that he's clearly in a xadian forest surrounded by giant mushrooms tho (zubeia?)

i will say this i believe

fuck she relapsed. but. b-ut also..ooo..w..

iiiiiiiiiii

we're all fairly certain that's human aaravos (which didn't even occur to me until i read one of the comments that shows you how observatory i am) and............... well i suppose it was inevitable. i've personally never really thirsted for aaravos; of course i get it but just can't relate. and now.............. oh my god this is the hottest person i have ever seen in my life. i've been awoogaing from the minute i saw him and damnit you can't make me stop

considering the following shot (also because it makes sense) that this is the spell that brought back all the spirits, but it makes me question the shot of aaravos standing in the valley of the graves cackling as the spirits surround him, because that just gives me very "mwuahaha we've just unleashed them" so idk. this is me trying to convince myself that that's not actually aaravos so i can drool over him without a little shame

ohoho this is exciting and fucking petrifying. that is a freeze spell if i've ever seen one, so it seems we have soren, TERRY !!, and allen rushing to presumably stop them, and then aanya kneeling over lujanne's body!!! yippee!

may i just say that the location zip zapping is hurting my brain. like callum and rayla both go from the nexus to katolis and everyone in katolis goes to the banther lodge and then callum ends up in a random xadian forest but also akiyu's grotto for some reason meanwhile rayla goes to the silvergrove but she also ends up in lux aurea with soren and coruvs who were with ez and aanya in the crystal cavern but ez and aanya were also at the valley of the graves but soren and aanya are also at the nexus where claudia and aaravos and terry are but before/after that they were/are first at the valley of the graves and also a xadian forest but then terry was in a different seemingly not-xadian forest and i need to lie down

in addition to the Cave Fuckers we also keep seeing this mf with BAT WINGS??? HELLO????

ok i know i sound like an edgy middle schooler but i'm sorry this is the most exciting shot in the trailer for me. what can i say blood excites me. my favorite characters covered in blood? even better. short king ram with that sickass head tilt? fucking hell to the fucking yeah (i'm choosing to ignore the way he literally went rawr XD immediately after)

this is another one where there's so much to process like as aforementioned we're in a xadian forest and terry's here looking perfectly content so assuming that he is abandoning ship (which is supported by the nexus shot) this is before that??

also as aforementioned callum in akiyu's grotto which is SO out of left field but whatever

and akiyu is also here. on the ground perhaps. good sign

this is irrelevant but. look at that lil face. hehe

ALSO AA IM STUPID AND AM ONLY JUST NOW REALIZING THIS BUT THE FIRE IS CLAUDIA'S YOU CAN SEE FROM THE BG OF HER DRAGON TRANSFORMATION SHE DEF THERE TOO AAKSDHFKJAHSKJDFHIASDHFLJKHSDKLFHKJSAHDLFK IM FO FUCKING EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA HWO LONG AND HOW BADLY IVE NEEDE A PROPER CALLUM V CLAUDIA SHOW DOEWN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

also it's giving

[vinylfoxbooks]

November 22 - Warn | @into-the-jeggyverse | wc: 612

James loves this job. While they were hesitant to take it up when Regulus asked if they would be willing to be the bouncer at the bar that he was putting together with Barty and Evan, he was eventually able to convince them to try it out for a week. And James liked it. 

They like that they get to work in a fun, bright atmosphere while making sure that it’s safe -- and they know that Regulus would never let a bar that he’s co-owning get too crazy in one direction or the other that Barty or Evan might want to bring it to. They like that they get to see their boyfriend in his pretty little bartending outfit that Barty dared him to wear at one point and he decided he liked, and decided that he liked the blush on James’ face when they saw him in it. They like that they get to work for their boyfriend and his friends, who treat and pay them incredibly well. 

They like their job so much that many of the regulars know them and will come up to them to prattle away if they’re on their break or not doing anything in particular. And, when they have the time, they’ll always engage with people because they love talking to people. 

That also means that they have, at many points, been able to fuck with some of the patrons that get a bit too ballsy with their boyfriend -- as Regulus is strict about James and Regulus keeping their relationship to themselves at work -- when they know that Regulus is in the mood for handling some folks. 

Today is one of those days, where for some reason Regulus woke up in a wonderful mood and has been messing with James all day. In particular, he’s having a fun time making sure that James is watching him before doing a trick he knows James finds attractive or he swishes his hips a little more than usual, or a myriad of other things. So, when a semi-regular that has gotten relatively used to talking to James at one point or another during the nights tells them that they’re in the bar goes up to James and starts talking about how Regulus is particularly hot tonight and he’s going to ‘shoot his shot’, James doesn’t discourage him like they normally would. 

Instead, they grin down at him, “I will warn you, you’ll have to go about it carefully.”

“Right,” he nods, intent, “Any advice for me?” 

“Be… loud and flirtatious.” James hums after a couple seconds, making eye contact with Regulus for a moment when he turns to face them and the guy they’re talking to, “I know it doesn’t seem like he likes it, but if you’re insistent, it works.” The guy nods, gets this determined look on his face as he chugs the rest of his drink, and starts marching towards Regulus, who is still watching them. 

James smiles at them, looking pointedly at the determined man and mouthing, ‘have fun’. Then finding an excuse to go up to him several minutes after Regulus has sent the guy away to give him a wink and a small huff of a laugh at Regulus’ glare. They do it several times throughout the night, stopping at the first sign of Regulus getting tired of their antics. 

And when they’re done with their shift, both heading into the back to get changed into warmer, more comfortable clothes, Regulus punches them on the arm, “I hate you.”

“If you can tease me all day, love,” James grins, leaning down to kiss him, “I can have some of my own fun.”

[zhivchik]

Occasionally I like ghost!fics. But, like, fluffy ones (some people die, do get scared or sad, but there's happy end). Ok, I think I'll put it out, because it needs to leave this house now))

So, Noh Sangcheol sees ghosts. One would think it would help the detective in his profession: to solve cases, to catch culprits, or at the very least to have witnesses - well, informants. The kind you can't say the real names of, or get to sign the testimony protocol. But the thing is, life's not a TV show and he's not Tae Gongshil. Ghosts are neither as numerous, nor do they interact with him as much. After the death they are too unstable, too shocked, experiencing something Sangcheol sometimes calls 'madness of recreation'. They appear and disappear suddenly at places that mean something to them, hardly noticing their surroundings, sometimes walking the straircases long gone or through the walls that used to have a door. That is scary. Could lead to choking on the food during a team dinner. Then - after this - you have your ghosts from stories. Those who stayed, for whatever reason. But not long. The time effects them harder, leaves its marks on them. They lose their memories, go mute, forget their form. Sangcheol once knew a girl who quickly turned into a cloud chasing street dogs and cats; there were reports of bullying because of her looks. Yewon didn't show up. It's for good, he knows. Still… Goh Jeongwoo has eyes of a ghost. Too bright. Too intense. Hurt… most of the time. Sangcheol drives away from the chief's house that, just now, was filled with people not saying the truth (lies as ghosty webs, almost palpable); away from Goh Jeongwoo's eyes -- and nearly ends up in a ditch after the headlights of his car catch a man in a hat… with a fishing rod? Later, Sangcheol finds out, it's Jeongwoo's father. Later, he tries to talk to him in that damned hangar, but the man can't speak. He looks at Sangcheol, though, with the familiar hope, flickering in and out in the cold air, where some time ago his son was breathing hotly. '4 years… Geez. Stubborness runs in your family'. The man squeezes the rod tightly (Sangcheol's fingers ache from holding Goh Jeongwoo, he notices). It would have been broken if it was real.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

YEAH ANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two fics for you!!! Plus an ocean photo to set the vibes:

57 for 🧜🏼:

---

So Eddie has gotten pretty good at hiding it. Why would this guy fucking know?

Eddie tries to dismiss his concern as paranoia. He’s gotten a lot less paranoid in the past five years or so. Back after his body got back to where he was comfortable with it. But that fear, he thinks, will never entirely be gone. He can acknowledge that that’s a him problem. Not necessarily a damning statement about his new coworker Buck. So he doesn’t give the concern any fuel in his brain. Buck doesn’t know about him. Even if the old trauma in his brain says that’s the only reason he’s so brooding and unhappy with Eddie’s presence. 

“So, a medal of valor, huh?” His new coworker, Chimney, asks on the way to their first call. 

Eddie shifts uncomfortably - he didn’t really want to talk about this. 

“Yeah,” he confirms. “Back in El Paso.”

“What did you do?” Chimney presses.

“Same stuff you guys do every day,” Eddie shrugs. “Just saved someone.”

Really, not a story he wants to get into. 

Buck rolls his eyes at this response. Fuck him?

“Who?” Chimney asks. “From what?”

“My former captain and another firefighter on our team,” Eddie says. He took a piece of shrapnel to the leg doing it, too. Not that that’s why he doesn’t want to discuss it. 

“Eddie,” Hen pipes in, clearly sensing his desire to change the subject. “Uh, have you heard about the hot firefighter calendar?”

Buck shoots Hen a sour little glare. What is his problem?

“Sorry, the what?” Eddie asks. 

“It’s for charity!” Hen grins. Captain Nash erupts with laughter. Eddie feels a little in the dark. 

“So, is your full name Eduardo?” Buck jumps in. 

Eddie tenses. His brain swaps back to that paranoid place. Does he know? Is he trying to figure out Eddie’s deadname? In front of everyone? What the fuck?

“No,” he responds. “Just Eddie.”

“People ever call you Diaz?” Buck continues. 

Wait… Okay. Not the direction he was thinking. 

“Not if they want me to respond,” Eddie says. 

Chimney and Hen exchange an amused glance. Eddie doesn’t understand what about any of this is funny. 

---

57 for 🌲:

---

Whatever. Buck will take care of him. He’s going to help him figure this out. Because if he doesn’t, how can they fix the Christopher shit? And they have to fix that, too. 

Enough is enough. 

iii. 

Over the next two days, nothing much happens. At least, nothing big and catastrophic like growing a tail or making leaves and wind appear in your bedroom. For that, at least, Eddie is relieved. He doesn’t think he can handle things getting worse. 

Eddie manages to convince the free telehealth psychologist provided to first responders of Los Angeles that he is suffering from a strange combination of burnout and depression. It’s actually absurdly easy to do. He doesn’t even really have to try. She just sort of��� Believes everything he says? Replies with affirmatives. Tells him he is so justified in his feelings. Agrees to put him on indefinite mental health leave without many follow up questions. 

“Just tell me when you’re ready to come back and I’ll sign off on that too,” she assures him. 

It’s sort of freaky, actually, how easy that was. 

So they’re both out of work for the foreseeable future. They get some questions about it on the next day they’re supposed to work. Chim and Hen accuse them of leaving them with Gerrard. Chim is especially annoyed, considering that Buck’s leaving now that Buck isn’t Gerrard’s target. Buck is able to take the heat off by explaining his actual situation. Though Eddie sees the discomfort in his expression as he sends the text. Eddie thinks Maddie is more than likely going to show up inquiring about his well being, and Eddie will just have to hide. Eddie does what Buck says when it comes to him to offer an explanation. Sends out a sad, sort of pathetic message, about everything that’s happened lately really getting to him. He doesn’t feel fit to work. The worst part? It doesn’t feel like a lie. The ears and tail and teeth are just… Part of it. 

“Do you think they actually buy it?” Eddie asks anyway. “Or do they think the timing is suspicious?”

Buck sighs. “I don’t know. I can send them updates after my next appointment to sell it more.”

Eddie nods. “I feel bad.”

Buck’s mouth twitches. “Me too, a little. But… We have to figure this out, right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles. “We do.”

Figuring it out isn’t easy though. Any searches related to spontaneous foxtail growth only yields results about cannabis. Eddie wishes this was all a drug induced shared hallucination. He doesn’t think weed is that strong. Maybe he could use some anyway. 

Likewise, any of their searches about leaves and wind are sort of fruitless. There are some certifiably crazy Reddit posts. Some hokey online guides for manifesting spirits. 

[call-me-lemon]

I want to build a fort with a sign on the door that reads "No uggos allowed" but I never stop anyone from coming in ever even if they look like a literal eldrich horror so it both promotes positivity in the sense that no one is denied meaning no one is ugly and also that it confuses the hell out of all visitors as to the origins of the sign and to what exactly I consider to be ugly

[lastoneout]

@virtual-particle Yay a distraction!!

So I got diagnosed with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension in 2021. I'd noticed some really weird vision changes that seemed concerning and so I went to an eye doctor who did a scan of my optical nerves, which showed swelling, and they said it could either be a brain tumor, MS, or IIH.

Them I got an MRI, and since they didn't find a brain tumor or any signs of MS I got sent to a neurologist with a presumptive diagnosis of IIH. They then performed a lumbar puncture to test the internal pressure of my cerebrospinal fluid, which was VERY high, and thus confirmed the IIH.

Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension is a rare disease, and as the idiopathic part of the name implys, it's not known what causes it. There are lots of theories, some more solid than others, but overall it just means your body cannot properly regulate the ammount of CFS fluid in your brain, leading to increased pressure, which then causes your optical nerves to swell. It also causes migrane-like pressure headaches which can be disabling and are hard to treat, and on top of that it can cause brain fog, vision changes, pulsate tinnitus, and a whole host of other issues. And, the icing on the cake, if left untreated it can result in permanent vision loss.

The front line treatments for this condition are diamox, a diuretic medication typically used for extreme altitude sickness with loads of unpleasant side effects, and weight loss.

Now, I'm of the opinion, from both personal experience and talking to people on the r/IIH subreddit, that weight has fuck all to do with it and is just used as a convenient excuse to ignore this condition and blame it on the patients. I was already skinny when I got it and have had to deal with SO MANY DOCTORS saying "we don't usually see this in people your size" before telling me to lose weight anyway, because ??? I did lose weight, way more than the recommended 5-10% of my bodyweight, and nothing got better. Also, lots of people on the subreddit were also already skinny when diagnosed or lost weight and had it get way worse or did nothing only for it to magically go into remission on it's own, and on top of that it's fucking idiopathic, so blaming weight is stupid if you don't know for sure what's causing it in the first place. (It's also apparently very common in "women who gain weight during their childbearing years" which uh. that's all women. and humans. almost all humans gain weight in their 20s and 30s, we don't stay what weight we were when we were 16 forever ffs, and it being more common in women is probably another reason why doctors are so shitty about it tbh.)

Diamox also has a lot of really awful side effects and isn't intended as a long-term medication. It makes my IBS worse, gives me random painful tingles all over my body, throws off my electrolyte balance so badly I have to work extra hard to stay hydrated so my blood doesn't turn acidic, it's a nightmare. It can also cause hair loss?? Apparently?? Which fucking sucks, and long term use puts you at risk of osteoarthritis. It does lower my CFS pressure, but it doesn't fix it and the downsides are only balanced by the whole "not suffering severe brain damage or going blind" thing. I cannot WAIT to stop taking it.

Anyway. My shit ass doctor put me on diamox, prescribed a migraine rescue medication that make me feel like complete shit, and told me to lose weight because getting a shunt would ruin my life. Her weight loss advice was to stop eating fruit and skip meals, and she didn't listen when I said I already don't eat much, so I just ignored her. I only lost weight because I found out I'm allergic to wheat and stopped eating it. Even after I lost weight she kept pushing weight loss, insisting another 5lbs would send me into remission even though I was almost as skinny as I was in high school, and refusing to even explain a shunt to me because she was certain it would ruin my life.

But anyway I ended up getting so sick of not being helped by my horrid neurologist(who has also treated me so badly I have honest to god trauma now) thst I dropped her and got in with a neurosurgeon who immediately was like "uh yeah if weight loss was going to help it would have by now, time to explore other options. Either a shunt, or a newer treatment, a stent to open up a specific vein in my head. They just needed to do a couple of tests to figure out which would be better.

So I got a MRV, a special kind of MRI to highlight the veins in my head, and it did show narrowing at a key spot that they see in IIH patients, so next I got a cerebral angiogram, which I won't explain bcs if you're squeamish it's not fun to hear about, look it up at your own risk, but they checked out the vein in my head and despite me having narrowing it was clear that the narrowing was caused by the IIH and it wasn't what was causing it in the first place, so stent wouldn't be helpful in my case, and thus I am now waiting for Jan 6th to get my shunt.

The shunt is actually fine, my old neurologist was being insane about it, it's going to get plugged into my lower spine, and essentially become a spigot for my CFS to drain out of. They can program it, and the fluid will just safely drip out into my abdominal cavity where my body will absorb it, which will relieve the pressure in my head and I'll be able to get off the diamox, I won't be at risk of blindness, and it might even make the headaches go away. I can also still get MRIs, I can get pregnant safely if I want, and while there can be complications it would mostly just be the tube getting clogged which can be fixed with a quick surgery, and if I magically go into remission or something else happens that necessitates removal that can be done no problem.

I'm very excited for the surgery. I know it's def risky, all surgeries are, but if it means not going blind and getting off the diamox I'll do it! I will probably still have to deal with some headaches, but this should help make them less intense or happen less often.

Anyway yeah I hope that helped! I don't really know about other uses for shunts but they really don't seem all that bad! It's honestly pretty interesting all things considered, and I hope this info was helpful or at least interesting to read o7

Stuck in the ER and god I cannot wait until my wheelchair is finished and delivered T-T the regular chairs here are angonizingly uncomfortable and getting around when I'm in this kind of pain sucks. But also the regular hospital wheelchairs are a nightmare and I can't get around on my own in them at all so ajdnfkgkglh

When will my wheelchair return from the manufacturers 😭😩

[nandermoenthusiast]

i dont think i will ever be over nandor tying guillermos cape with such care and focus. that moment its possibly my favourite from the finale NANDOR ACTS OF SERVICE GUY MAKES ME WANNA CLIMB A WALL and the way hes putting guillermo on equal ground now makes my heart grow 3 sizes

and to be honest i dont think they can go back to where they were before. for anyone whos worried. like yeah he told him “now clean up the body” after he reverted back to human but to me that was more like nandors brain going like. “i cooked now you clean”. he went through such a tremendous amount of work to help guillermo. he had the empathy to recognise the problem. he thought it through concocted a plan. he got the robes and the candles and he painted and hung those banners. he held a fakeass ceremony with all their friends and elders so it looked official. he then also comforted guillermo when he couldnt do it and staked derek himself without a second thought. so maybe its was more of a. i pulled you out of a very hairy situation. can you take care of the body now? (also it IS gonna be hard to let go of certain habits so maybe some comments like this are gonna slip out next season, but that is just because they are useless and in guillermos absence the house fucking imploded in one year lmao… maybe guillermo is gonna teach them how to take care of it themselves next season so they can split the workload and cute shenanigans will ensue)

i just dont think it was mean spirited on nandors part tbh. LAZLO even offered to help. i dont think that was just to have him in the next scene i dont think an unusual detail like that could be just for convenience. i do FULLY believe they are gonna all be on equal grounds next season. and thats gonna be so fucking delicious to me specifically

[biblicalhorror]

Thinking about my Rook hours </3