#there were literally all the red flags in the universe and i still thought maybe it wouldn't be that bad i don't even know
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I don’t know why I’m here but you gotta know about it. TW mentions of child abuse
There is an actual dead dove poster in the Spider tags now 💀 posting creepy shit and doing it openly on a platform with a shit ton of minors. I saw only one before filtering the tag out but it was a Spider x Quaritch post where they discussed how people "sleep on their dynamic" and "imagine the Stockholm syndrome"
I sent them an ask and said that they should perhaps keep that to themselves or at least out of the general tags bc surprise surprise! Users don’t want relive their past trauma while scrolling through fucking tumblr and hey legit laughed and mocked me in their response. The worst part is it’s an actual 33 year old and despite the fact that they’re apparently ace I just can’t understand what fucked up morbid curiosity can drive a person to become, and I quote, a “dead dove connoisseur” and enjoy reading about sexual child abuse? Make it make sense.
It’s not even a preference thing. It’s basic human decency. What part of “don’t post about how you love fictional child abuse when there are kids looking through the tags and some people can get triggered by it” is so hard to understand? Anyway, this is just a heads up that you might see their post one day, so now you know.
Don't be shy anon drop the @.
You are absolutely right, a preference for writing about child abuse/incest is super not okay, and it's always in young fandoms and around characters like Quaritch. Despite there being whatever proper tags people think are there, I really don't think that content needs to exist. People STILL don't know what they are getting into. Case in point: I know we all stalk the Avatar a03 and we all unfortunately saw the newest gross Quaritch/Spider fic posted. Well, I clicked on that shit, because my dumb ass thought maybe it would be comfort focused enough we could skip around that bc Quaritch was already dead in the fic. When I tell you I have been so uncomfy for the last twelve hours, I cannot scrub that shit from my brain. I wish it had never been written! I wish I was dead! There are very few things that can still make me feel genuinely bad on the internet, and that managed it. I feel icky.
Anyways this just became about me resenting my decisions, I will definitely be reporting anything I see like that and I hope my followers do the same. Thank you for warning us. Tumblr is not always the safest place for minors, but hopefully we can make sure this community is.
#that was actually my first ever click on a dead dove do not eat i'm pretty sure#never again!#there were literally all the red flags in the universe and i still thought maybe it wouldn't be that bad i don't even know#ughghhg#i was like it CANT be that bad people can't ACTUALLY read this it has to be like about recovering from this kind of thing#nah#listen its dead dove do not eat for a reason i'm just stupid and didn't believe people were that awful i guess#miles quaritch#miles spider socorro#spider socorro#avatar#avatar the way of water#james cameron avatar#melissa's asks#melissa on avatar (cameron)
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BLOGTOBER 10/5/2024: INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994)
I'm sorry, but this movie fucking sucks. I hadn't seen it in decades and I thought it was probably "OK"; I devoured the books as a kid and I didn't remember hating the film, but I should have realized that it was a red flag that I didn't love it. I have now discovered that it's bad enough that it failed to thrill me when I was a morose little horror dork who was really the target audience, and as an adult I can hardly stand it.
Daniel Molloy (Christian Slater, dressed up as Art Spiegelman for some reason) interviews for-realsies vampire Louis (Brad Pitt, still looking like he spends a lot of time in the sun) about life with his master Lestat (Tom Cruise, who knows why) and their eternally-childlike daughter Claudia (poor li'l Kirsten Dunst). Suddenly I feel like I don't know what to say about this, as I'm writing, even though I enjoyed the book and also the superior-in-every-single-way TV show. You know. Louis is really sad about being a monster. Lestat is really happy about being a monster. Claudia is really mad about being a monster. They have interpersonal problems. Later they meet some other vampires, and have interpersonal problems with them. At the end Louis is angry with Daniel for not getting the point, but maybe neither did I.
To some degree the problems of the movie are the problems of the book, but on the page they're basically forgivable for various reasons. I'm probably not going to refresh my memory, but as I recall Anne Rise has a way of really drawing you into her world, which is so literally-sensational that it makes up for her boy-crazy humorlessness. Everybody basically has one characteristic, outlined above, but the visceral pleasure of the prose takes over--and to be totally fair, it was novel at the time. It was the vampire story we had all been waiting to hear. (Ok, so the book is from 1978 but it still felt fresh in 1994) But when you port all that to the screen and leave the telling to these actors who are almost universally miscast, it all just lies there, dead.
I thought my hesitation about rewatching this was related to my petty aversion to Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise specifically. I really don't enjoy either of them in general, and I also felt like they were profoundly wrong for the roles; neither of them could be less goth, less tortured, less otherworldly. It feels criminal to fill these classic queer outsider roles with alpha males who seem like they would have beaten up your weird gay friends in high school, and their performances are not remotely good enough to make up for this impression. Kirsten Dunst is perfectly awful but like...you just can't have a 12 year old playing a person who is any older than 12. It cannot work. It's not her fault, it's just a bad idea.
The only guy who is any good at all in this is Stephen Rea, a staple of director Neil Jordan's films, who I almost didn't even recognize because his Santiago is so uncanny and dynamic and fun despite having very little to do. I love the way his look references LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT, it made me wonder how much more could have been done by subtly comparing Rice's vampires with their cultural predecessors. Rea lights up every scene he's in because he's so mischievous and unpredictable, and he's also almost the only person with any standout stunts--which helps me segue into the other main gripe I had with this movie, that it is incredibly stiff and static. It's like a prison. Everyone is totally weighed down by their giant ridiculous wigs and seven layer costumes, so even though the movie is supposed to be all sensual and shit, it's like nobody can even move.
Dealing with INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE is making me realize that I'm not quite sure what I think about Neil Jordan. I have this kneejerk reaction that he is Great because THE CRYING GAME is such an institution, and MONA LISA is real good too, but I might have found all of his other movies kind of humorless and stiff and like, beautiful but not altogether meaningful. I really struggle with THE COMPANY OF WOLVES because of its terrific FX and handful of fun scenes, but there is something about it that fails to connect with me. Sometimes it's overly pretentious, I mean paralleling a maiden's coming of age with the blood on the white roses is like...pretty gross, dude. But overall there is something about it that just lacks substance, despite its relentless and oppressive Symbolism. It seems like this problem should have been smoothed out for INTERVIEW since it was shot from Anne Rice's own script, but according to me, it really does not work out.
#blogtober#2024#interview with the vampire#1994#anne rice#neil jordan#brad pitt#tom cruise#kirsten dunst#stephen rea#horror#vampire#period piece#adaptation
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Update about my employment in this BPO company
I started the year fresh and ready for a brand new job which is being a call center agent. I was happy I received a start date in my email because I was actually looking forward to it. My training day started last January 10, 2023 at 5 in the morning. Feeling nervous, clueless and excited about what's going to happen. During the first 2 weeks of training, we were not receiving calls yet because that time was allotted for lectures only about the rules in the company, tools that we are going to use during calls, call etiquette and stuff like that. It was fine but I felt like I'm not understanding what our trainer was explaining and my confusion stirred. Okay so I was assigned to technical support, not my choice but the managenent's and if I'm gonna be completely honest with you I AM NOT TECH SAVVY IN ANY WAY. My weakness is actually anything related to technology and its technicalities... So being in a tech support made me feel dumb the whole time while my other peers can follow along with our trainer without breaking a sweat. That was the first red flag that I tried to ignore because who knows? Maybe I can practice and improve overtime so I stayed and tried to learn more.
2 weeks later, I was able to pass the first assessment so I got hope that there's a room for improvement indeed. I was happy because I didn't expect that I will pass despite having difficulties in my lectures so that's something. Also it felt good to receive my first pay. It's like a trophy for something that I won. I didn't spoil myself after receiving it, I saved it for something else.
This is the part that it got complicated. On the 3rd week of training, it was our opportunity to take calls and apply everything that we learned during training. I had a separate post about this and just to add, I got a little traumatized because I flunked it so bad and it was embarrassing that I kept shaking and sweating and panicking the whole time although I had a mentor by my side to support me. This was the time that I was having second thoughts about this job. Mistakes were meant to happen on the first time but what about the long run? I was thinking about leaving the company soon after training because I don't wanna embarrass myself even further. I mean I have a degree in Journalism from a prestigious university in my province but I can't even handle taking calls while navigating tools? It's a shame that someone who didn't finish college or someone who finished from a regular uni/college defeats me, right??
Even the fact that I was scared to continue, I still gave it a try. I didn't quit right away because this is something that I want to commit to. I attend the 2nd day of taking calls and the day after that and so on. I felt anxious like I was literally shaking every time I started to take calls. So it was about a week of taking calls, the half of 3rd week and the whole 4th week which was last week. Even with mentors coaching me what to do with my tools, I just couldn't get it! I only remember like 5% of what was discussed during lectures so imagine how pathetic and dumb I was the whole time. I just couldn't learn and it dissapoints me.
Today marks the last shift of my training as my trainer issued me a termination contract. It escalated quickly to this part because I made 2 absences this week. One was from Monday, 6th of Feb and then today 11th of Feb. It was a clear policy that more than one absent is subjected to termination. I was aware of this so I take all the blame plus I don't have to submit an awkward resignation letter so this actually saved my ass. If you're wondering I was absent, I was sick on Monday (severe cold and mild sore throat. Kept sneezing every after a few minutes) and also today, I got sick again (itchy throat accompanied by frequent coughing and also fever).
Today on my way to work, I was feeling okay with controllable cough and no fever. I was scared again to take calls but I don't wanna quit just yet. I was torn between keeping this job for as long as I can or just leave. I asked God to give me the most obvious sign to help me decide and here it is, I got sick in the middle of the day and was forced to leave work by the nurse of our clinic in the company because I consulted them first before making hasty decision.
It made me realize that this job ain't for me. I was able to pass the screening so that was something again but I couldn't keep my performance so it's better for me to get sick and terminated because why force myself to something that isn't meant for me? This ain't about perseverance and determination and all that cheesy words, that's toxic okay? At least I tried and didn't quit right away. I still set foot on the production floor which is the source of my nightmare every single day. I stayed till the very end of my OJT (today) but it was interrupted by my health.
A lot of people will judge me for this because the audacity to let this happen despite some people would've been perfect to take my position and why can't I keep my job for fuck's sake? People will see me as irresponsible, disappointment, weak, easily quits, and that I won't be able to succeed in life.
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YOU LOVE LITTLE WOMEN HAVE I JUST FALLEN MORE IN LOVE WITH YOU AAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE LITTLE WOMEN LET ME KISS YOU
okay so i think that youre a really nice person super kind and smiley and I think I just think of people who study biology that way. and languages because your writing is really beautiful so I thought yeah languages and writing makes sense
and I don't have a major because I'm in senior year but next year I'm going to university and I hope to do a degree in biology quemistry or something related to science. or I might just study history who knows
I read agggtm this summer and it was such an easy read and funny so I might continue the series especially since I won't have much time to invest myself in a new fantasy world with the complex characters and world building. I'm a fantasy book girly till the day I die
and you relate to Jesper. i relate to wylan. seems to me like we were meant to be. and honestly can we all agree that wesper it's just wolfstar in another font
are you going to the eras tour, I don't know if I asked you this but I'm going to london 15 august (I'm gonna listen to august in august and I may as well lay on the floor in a puddle of tears)
ok so, I have read more of your fics. and I think my favourite one it's the james potter one, it got me giggling and kicking my feet like mad. a friend of mine says that he's a red flag in the canon but maybe I'm colorblind who knows. I also read some of the Remus lupin ones too because the taylor swift references title got me to be honest. I don't really like aroon warner as I only read the first book in the shatter me series and I got enough with it, so that one it's not for me, then I like sirius but not in a romantic way so it would be weird for me and Remus more or less the same but I can make an exception for him.
but anyways I might as well read them all because I love you and everything you do
I love this little girl talks we have it's like sending each other letters through mail and answering everything while adding new information
-🌕
I LOVE HISTORY!!! It's just so interesting and beautiful.
and yes!!! you did mention London, surprisingly i managed to remember it as I have a memory of a goldfish
i love fantasy.... but also classics but also JUST BOOKS OKAY I LOVE BOOKS
someone who appreciates james🥹 james potter is my husband like i love him on a whole new level. but my remus fics seem to be liked better
aaron warner ones are the ones that get least interaction, but i still love writing for him. and tbh you either love shatter me or don't read it after the first one, there's literally no middle ground
if you ever do read all my remus ones (which is okay if you dont) tell me your fav one!!
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Second Lead Syndrome
Word Count: ~8.7k words
liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert
Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?
Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!)
I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.
Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life.
I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours). From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults.
The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted. Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily.
One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe.
Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night.
Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.
At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated.
I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise.
“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.
“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.
Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back.
“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.
I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.
“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry.
Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.
“Sorry what was that?” I ask.
“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.
“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that.
Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.
“Unfortunately I do.”
That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions.
It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens.
I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom.
“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.”
“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen.
“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.
“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.
“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone.
Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket.
“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.
“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.”
“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.
“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”
“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.”
“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.
“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.
“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.
“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode.
The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story.
Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.
A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain.
We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?
When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering.
I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to.
Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me.
I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.
3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self.
Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness.
One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern.
A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.
“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks.
“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.
“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head.
“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”
“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.”
“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.
“You like Minho.”
“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”
“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.
“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.”
“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?”
“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.”
“So maybe he doesn’t then.”
“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile.
Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.
“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.
“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks.
While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.
Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept.
A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.
Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic.
Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.
A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her.
It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee.
All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do.
Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart.
With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet.
Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.
“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.
“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.
“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?”
“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.”
“Hyunjin I-“
“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.
“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.”
“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.
I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it.
“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?”
“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own.
“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.
“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.”
I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?”
“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”
Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.”
Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked.
Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.”
Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo.
The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon.
Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to.
It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces.
“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.
“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly.
My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.
Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.
“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.
“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.
Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.”
The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.
“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.”
There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.
“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table.
I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.
“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.
“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.
“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.
“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.
“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.
“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind.
“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes.
Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment.
Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing.
“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away.
The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message.
to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?
My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes.
from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
sure, i can be there
to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
sweet, i’ll see you there
I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well.
I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner.
10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen.
“Hey.” I smile at him.
“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”
“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?”
“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.
“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety.
“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion.
“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.”
“What?” He asks.
How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.”
“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.
I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.”
“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?”
“I only told them last night.”
“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.
“Minho I-“
“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”
“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”
“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it.
“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile.
After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat.
“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest.
The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university.
Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go.
Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other.
“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.
“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders.
“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug.
I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person.
I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.
“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.
“Me too.” And that’s all I can say.
I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.
Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not.
Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly.
The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with.
My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home.
Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to.
I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives.
I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho.
I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.
“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”
“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”
“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”
“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.
“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”
“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!”
“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”
“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”
“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?”
“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?”
“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?”
“Maybe five?”
“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.
“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door.
I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home.
After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor.
I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there.
“Minho?” I say as I walk closer.
“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug.
“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.
“Sure.” He responds.
I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.
Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up.
“You got a cat?” Minho asks.
“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.
“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.”
“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.
I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all.
I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.
“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.
“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him.
The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch.
Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.
“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?”
“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.
“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?”
“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”
“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond.
An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.
“How’s… How are you and Ahra?”
“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well.
“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.”
“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.
“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.”
“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.
“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.
“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.
“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”
I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.”
“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?”
I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.
“For?”
“Just feelings for somebody.”
“Is it Hyunjin?”
“No.”
“Chan?”
“Nope.”
“Changbin?”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Me?”
I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”
“Wait- What? What are you talking about?”
Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”
He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“
“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post.
“Minho…” I let out quietly.
“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again.
“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away.
“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin.
“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.
“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.”
“Why?” I whisper.
“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair.
“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes.
Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time.
In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after.
Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there.
But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)
if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))
-nyx
#skz ff#skz fluff#skz fanfic#skz fanfiction#stray kids fanfiction#minho fluff#skz minho fluff#skz angst#yOU KNOW I KNOW LEE KNOW#skz lee know#lee know#lee know x y/n#tags are annoying sigh#lee minho fanfiction#stray kids scenarios#stray kids fic#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst
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Chapter 3
⚠WARNING: Mention of previous characters' deaths
• ────── ✾ ────── •
You have no idea how you got here.
Here, being in front of the lone coffee shop on campus, on your way to meet the stranger who’s had the misfortune to get Hajime’s old phone number and receive your sad ramblings meant for no one else.
And you, the author of those sad ramblings, written in moments of weakness, are going to sit with this stranger and….
You haven’t gotten that far yet.
Honestly, you’ve been more incredulous at the odds of this meeting even happening.
What the hell am I doing???
You really have no explanation, not even for yourself. The time is 9:58 and in two minutes you’re going to walk into the cafe and meet with a stranger who is going through a traumatic life experience similar to yours.
Ok, so you can explain what you’re doing. But the why is what’s escaping you. And frankly that should scare you more than it is currently doing.
Especially seeing how you haven’t told your friends what you’re doing. You bugged off lunch (much to Oikawa’s annoyance) but didn’t tell them why. Not only would Oikawa throw a fit but he, Mattsun and Makki wouldn’t understand your reasoning for meeting a stranger you met only a few hours ago.
They really wouldn’t understand why you don’t have a solid reason for meeting this stranger.
Put all the red flags together and you would find yourself locked in your apartment with no means of escaping under Oikawa’s watch.
To be fair, you are meeting them in a public place and you have no intention of going anywhere with the stranger. You’re just going to go have a cup of tea, shoot the shit, and then leave.
Yeah, it’s definitely doable. And not at all crazy.
You take a deep breath before walking inside the shop. It’s a bit crowded - the weekend mid-morning rush makes the employees hustle behind the counter to fill orders. All of the tables are full, leaving no space for two strangers to sit and….
Oh, this was a bad idea. A really bad and stupid idea.
Your phone rings in your pocket. You pull it out and nearly jump at the caller ID.
Your brain points out that it’s not Hajime but the stranger you’re meeting. You pick up the phone quickly. “Hello?”
“Heya, how’re ya doin’?”
You hope you’ve schooled your expression into nonchalance but you can’t help your eyebrows jumping hearing the clear Kansai dialect through the phone.
Besides the surprise at the unfamiliar drawl, you’re pleased to hear a clear and strong voice on the other line. Nothing creepy or weird or anything your brain was trying to convince would be the case.
“Hi.” You reply into the phone. You can hear background noise from his end, which assures you again that he must actually be here.
“‘M over in the corner with the baseball cap.”
Your eyes move to the corner immediately and zero-in on a figure sitting at the table there. It’s a man, wearing a dark long-sleeve shirt and a dark ball cap. And he’s staring straight at you.
You hang up the phone and walk over to him. You spot a coffee cup on the table in front of him and watch as he takes his hat off and sets it on the tabletop. His silver-grey hair is messed up from the hat but that’s the least of your concerns at the moment.
No, what has you almost faltering in your steps is the exhaustion that lies deep on his face. The bags under his eyes are heavy and stark against his pale skin. His mouth is drawn in a small frown and with his eyebrows furrowed slightly it makes him look troubled.
You recognize his weariness. This is a man who is burdened to carry an intangible weight.
However this man still meets your gaze and gives you a small, tired smile. The small gesture brightens his face considerably but doesn’t completely erase the empty look. But you feel your nerves settle when he smiles at you.
“Hi,” he says when you approach the table.
“Hello.” You sit in the chair opposite of his and shrug your jacket off. “It’s busy, thanks for grabbing a table.”
“No worries.” Hearing his calm and measured tone in person relaxed you more than you realized and you felt some tension release from your shoulders. “‘M here all the time and I figured they’d be a bit busy on Saturday. D’ya want me to grab ya something from the counter?”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” You shake your head to emphasize your point.
“Nah, I insist. Coffee? Tea? Fancy mocha drink?”
“Uh,” you’re startled by his insistence but relent. “A tea, please. Jasmine if they have it.”
He nodded before standing and making his way to the register, letting you fully settle in your seat and try to still comprehend what the hell you are doing.
Mid-inner freak out (oh god, what if he drugs my tea, what am I doing?!) a cup materializes in front of you. Osamu comes around with another cup for himself and sits in the chair across from you.
“They had Jasmine and it smells amazin’.” He shifts in his seat and takes a sip of his coffee. “‘M not a big tea drinker but that smells like it would calm ya down real good.”
You send him a smile before lifting the cup up. The smell of jasmine tea was soothing and the taste was even better when you took a small sip. “It’s my go-to comfort drink. I’ve probably had a few more cups than normal in the past few months.”
The sympathetic look the stranger sends you makes you purse your lips, realizing too late what you said. You look away, cursing to yourself. Great, way to go and make it awkward now. It’s quiet for a bit, now awkward by your weird ~fun fact~
“My name’s Miya Osamu.” You look up at the man and see a rueful smile on his face. “I probably shoulda told ya my name earlier. ‘M a first year student at Sendai University.”
You blink. Of fucking course you didn’t know his name. You never thought to ask when texting him earlier. You met up with a LITERAL stranger for tea and coffee.
“Wow, I’m sorry for being so rude!” You hurriedly say. “I should’ve asked AGES ago. But my name’s L/N Y/N. I’m also a first year student at Sendai.”
“Huh.” Osamu (not The Stranger) says. “What a weird coincidence.”
You nod. “Yeah, um are you not from around here? I can tell by your dialect.”
Osamu hums. For the first time you see his face fall and set into something more stone-like. It’s a subtle difference but it’s there nonetheless. “Hyogo. Came to Miyagi for school and had to get a new number.”
“Oh.” It’s a dry answer that you really don’t know how to reply to. “Do you like it so far?”
He shrugs. “It’s not bad. Pretty far.”
You nod. “Yeah, it is.”
You both lapse into a silence that is neither comfortable nor relaxing.
Oh my GOD this is so awkward! Why did you agree to this? Why did you think this was a good idea?! Yeah sure, he’s not a freaking weirdo serial killer, you can check that off your list. But you didn’t think about what you would actually TALK about!
“Do ya wanna talk about Hajime?”
Your reply to his question is to spit your tea across the table.
You look up to meet Osamu’s concerned gaze. Neither of you move before you both reach across to grab napkins from the dispenser.
“Are ya alright?”
“Oh my god I’m so sorry!”
In your haste to clean up your tea the napkin dispenser gets knocked to the ground, and the napkins explode out like an explosion of white confetti.
“Ahhhhhhhh!” The napkins springing up startle you so much that your knee knocks into the table hard, almost upending Osamu’s coffee.
“Argh!” You lean down to clutch your knee as it throbs painfully but your head collides with the table instead. “OUCH!”
“Are ya alright?!” Osamu asks frantically.
You exhale deeply. “Yep, I’m just a klutz. Fuck, that hurt my head.” You wish you could keep your head down and disappear. But you look up, your face bright red with embarrassment, and meet the concerned look from Osamu.
“I’m ok,” you reassure. “Really.” You look around at the mess surrounding your table and catch a few people gawking. Good lord. “Besides my pride taking a beating, I’m all good.” You stoop down to grab the napkins scattered around, wincing at the waste. Osamu also bends down to help.
“It looked like a pretty hard hit,” he notes.
“It’d be worse if I had something in my head worth keeping safe.”
Osamu smiles at your quip, a little half-smile. It’s nice.
Soon you both stand back up to throw out the napkins. Osamu grabs the bunch from you, letting you sit back down. You try to cool the fuck out and you will your face to not resemble a tomato when he comes back.
“Are you sure yer alright?” Osamu asks again.
“Yes, really.” You nod. “I’m sorry if I spat tea on you. I was just really surprised.”
Osamu tilted his head. “From what I said?” You nod. “Why?”
“I mean,” you start. “It mainly just caught me off guard. I’m not used to it, like just talking about him.”
“Do ya talk about him at all?”
You want to nod, but thinking about it you honestly don’t remember the last time you were able to tell someone about Hajime. Not his passing, but just talking about the person that he was.
“Oh.” Osamu pauses, looking at you considering. “Well my old therapist said it’s good to talk about this stuff, so I figured that’s what ya wanted.”
You don’t know how to reply to his simple explanation. Because you do want to talk about Hajime. You want to so badly. You want to tell the world how amazing he is, how he makes the world a better place just by existing, how strong he is and how much lighter you feel when he’s around
Or, how it was.
But you haven’t been able to talk about him. Every time you tried to talk outside of group therapy with your friends, Oikawa shuts down and Makki and Mattsun get uncomfortable. Your therapist is always able to handle anything you throw at her, but it’s not the same as just talking about a friend to someone.
So maybe Osamu is right about just talking about Hajime.
“He has hair like a porcupine.”
Osamu gives you a look of confusion before you continue. “Our friend Oikawa used to call him prickly, and we’d tease him when he’d bristle up and say he looks like a porcupine.” You laugh at the memory of Hajime bristling up, constantly egged on by Oikawa. “It wasn’t even bad hair, it was just so sharp. It was weird.”
Osamu doesn’t say anything for a second before he bursts out laughing. “Atsumu had weird hair too - dyed bleach blonde. Thought it made him look badass.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
You wrap your hand around your cup of tea, hesitating. An obvious question hangs in the air but for the first time since sitting down Osamu looks a bit lively.
“Was Atsumu your brother?”
The lightness on Osamu’s face is extinguished when he nods at your question. “Yeah, he’s a pain in the ass but I love him.” He pauses, looking down at his coffee cup. “Well, he was.”
You can feel the pain radiating from that one word. You understand the horrid dread that comes when you realize you’d been speaking about Hajime in the present tense. Even more so when you have to admit it out loud.
You look at Osamu and frown upon seeing his withdrawn expression. You feel immense guilt, knowing that you’ve contributed to his change in mood.
You’re desperate to lighten the mood and bring that smile back to Osamu’s face. You search through your memories, trying to find something funny. A thought crosses your mind and you feel a small smile grace your lips.
“There was one time that my friend was determined to roast smores on Iwa’s head.” You giggle at the disbelieving look on Osamu’s face. “Yeah, it was the stupidest idea he’d ever concocted. We didn’t even get one marshmallow on his head.”
“We?” Osamu asks, his voice lifting in amusement ever so slightly.
“Of course.” You reply, a smile spreading over your face at the memory and at Osamu’s content face. “I too was curious if we could do it.”
Osamu snorts, shaking his head as he brought his coffee to his mouth. “That idea would have intrigued Atsumu for sure. He was all about the far-fetched plots to piss off everyone around him.”
You smile, leaning forward in your chair. “Oh yeah? Wanna share some notes?” Osamu’s face brightens slightly at your words and he begins to talk, more animatedly than before.
• ────── ✾ ────── •
A/N: So nothing bad happened with Y/N meeting the stranger (besides her being a clumsy klutz, where are my fellow klutzes at?) Thank you for reading, I hope this chapter was a little soft respite from the initial angst~
Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU (bold cannot be tagged): @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien
#haikyuu!#haikyuu#haikyuu fic#haikyuu social media au#haikyuu smau#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#hq smau#hq x reader#hq x y/n#hq x you#haikyuu angst#hq angst#haikyuu romance#hq romance#miya osamu#miya osamu x reader#miya osamu x y/n#miya osamu x you#iwaizumi hajime#miya atsumu#oikawa tooru#hanamki takahiro#matsukawa issei#tw.mention of past character death#kita shinsuke#suna rintarou#ojiro aran#its [not] okay fic & smau
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gala night jealousy | tamaki x f!reader
a/n: hi hi hi! it’s been forever since i’ve written something and it felt so good to get this out. the jealousy aspect of the relationship is obviously dramatized for the smut. pay attention to red flags in ur personal relationships! i hope you enjoy! my requests are open <3
genre: smut, jealous smut
wc: 2.4k
tags: @tomurasprincess @keigos-dove @carwolinee @catlover7722 @shoutodoki @kimm-ie @jennatheebaby @dabilove27 @ttaste-the-rainbow @buferfliz @dragonchildyuki @dymphnasprose @usernamekate94 @katheriinr @holopoem @engel-hageshii @egghoarder @kyberhearts @mstakami @cadesgay @noamizu @lazywinnerpersonpasta @scawberry @luxivii @flutterfalla @pygmy-lurks @lastminaddition @hisoknen
The flashes of cameras as the door to the limousine opened were immediate.
For a moment, Tamaki was thankful that you were sitting closest to the door. He watched you step out, careful to accept the hand of the driver and make sure your heel was planted firmly on the ground before rising. He had to think through every second of motion he made to prevent an accident or making a fool out of himself; as he saw the light flicker off the sequins of your dress, he wondered if you had to do the same- or if the gracefulness you carried in your movements was just included in the irrevocable marvel that was you.
“(Y/L/N), over here, over here!” The paparazzi yelled out for your attention as Tamaki tottered his way to your side, and he couldn’t help but let out a shaky sigh in relief as you laced your hand through the bend in his arm. Even in his mid-twenties he still hadn’t found comfort in any form of public emergence… you were the only thing that grounded him, but especially so tonight.
You had been off in America for nearly a month with your agency, taking workshops, keeping up appearances as you were being called one of the new Pro-Heroes to keep eyes on. It was nearly two years after graduating with your class from UA High, but still, you were making waves in the Hero scene all around the world alongside your agency partner, who you had grown up with and now worked with- Mezo Shouji.
Tamaki didn’t dislike Shouji. How could he? He was one of the most respectable people he had ever met, even while going through school years. There was no denying that he was a good friend to you, as well- there were no signs pointing otherwise. You had been dating Tamaki for almost seven years now and while there were mishaps he comforted you through with your other friends, nothing ever went astray when it came to your multi-limbed agency partner. There was nothing to hate.
Well… maybe one thing.
You spend so much time with him.
It nearly had Tamaki itching at this point. He understood the insane schedule of a hero as he lived the life himself, just in a different agency. Time together was sparse, so when you had it, you had to make the most of it, especially now that you were back from such a long trip. The anxiety he felt bubble in his stomach as he watched you be whisked away for pictures with Shouji annoyed him beyond coherent thought. What was the point of getting so upset over this?
He tried to reason with himself while he stood off to the side, sometimes taking pictures with Kirishima and Togata as they passed, sometimes answering questions for reporters that he wished would just walk away. He trusted you, he loved you more than anything, and he genuinely considered Shouji a close friend at this point. Still… when his pointy ears perked up at the sound of compliments towards you and him, he wondered if he was going to be sick.
“You two look so good together! Can we get another pose?” One of the reporters chirped, holding her camera up as you and Shouji stood in another position for her. He didn’t realize he was zoning out until he felt Mirio’s hand on his shoulder, breaking him from his reverie.
“Relax, Tamaki, we’ll be out of here soon! Wanna start walking up?” Always positive and always having his back, Tamaki was thankful that Mirio saw his clenched fists and dark eyes as general anxiety and not shooting arrows into the hand- hands?- that Shouji had currently gripping your hip.
Giving a short nod in response, Tamaki and Mirio began their trek inside the building, all the while Tamaki prayed for this night to just be over.
***
He learned quickly that it was far from over.
If anything could go wrong that night, it seemed to happen. He got to sit next to you for the awards, but Shouji was on the other side of you. This was normal, Tamaki kept reassuring himself. You two were nominated for an award together, which symbolized the best duo currently in the field. You won, of course, and while Tamaki was so fucking proud of you, he couldn’t help but feel that same twinge of jealousy. You looked so beautiful in the dress you were wearing, and all night he could feel his cock straining against his slacks in response. He hadn’t been able to touch you in weeks… and that was all Shouji was doing tonight.
Little did he know, you were completely aware of how he was feeling. Jealousy wasn’t a new feeling for Tamaki, and you were both very open to each other communication wise. Judging by the way he was groping you in the back of the limo on the way to the gala, you knew you were in for it already. Tamaki tended to take a lot of emotion out during sex, knowing that what he couldn’t possibly describe with words, he could show through actions. Would it hurt to… encourage that kind of roughness? You didn’t think so, fueling your own desires and setting yourself out to be the thing Tamaki couldn’t take his eyes off of all night.
After the awards, you focused on the little things. Reaching out to touch Shouji’s arm when you laughed at something he would say, or pressing your ass against Tamaki’s boner and pulling his arms to lace around your chest to make it look like a normal, sweet gesture.
The sharp intake of his breath was enough for you to know you hit a nerve.
“Careful, bunny.” Tamaki whispered in your ear, rocking forward against your ass just slightly and raising goosebumps across your skin. “I’d be more compassionate if you want that dress,” His hand trailed up your chest, his thumb sticking out to trace the fast-pulsing vein in your neck, “to still be in one piece by the time we get home.”
Your response was out before you could think about the repercussions. “The reporters said it looked stunning against Mezo’s hair.”
Wrong move.
Suddenly thankful that no one around you was paying attention, you barely had time to gasp before you were being yanked out of the ballroom and down a secluded hallway. He was bold to assume that you were able to keep up with his lanky legs in the heels you were wearing, but your fashion didn’t seem to be his top priority at the moment. You played catch up with him, nearly being dragged the rest of the way before he found a bathroom.
“A bathroom Tamaki? Seri- hey!”
Your dress was being unzipped and pulled down your body before the door was even closed. After pushing it shut and locking it, Tamaki lifted you out of the mess of fabric and kicked it to the side. You wanted to make a comment about how expensive it was, but judging by how he was literally holding you in the air to kick your heels off of your feet, you figured now wasn’t the best time to talk.
“What is it about Shouji that has you so enamoured?” He asked in your ear, dropping you to your feet before ripping the panties you had off of your hips. Your complaints fell on deaf ears and you were thanking the universe at that moment that your dress had a bra built in.
“What? Tamaki, I’m not-”
“That’s not an answer. Is it the arms? Do you think about what he could do with arms like that, bunny?” His voice grew deeper towards the end, sounding like it was scratching out of his chest as his arms suddenly turned into a multitude of tentacles, each finding one of your limbs to grab onto to hold your back against his chest. You were on full display in the mirror in front of you, and Tamaki was looking over your shoulder at the complete show he was making of you. “Do you want to feel what all of those can do?”
With one sticky tentacle trailing up and wrapping around your neck, you had very little room to speak. Instead you laid your head back against his shoulder and tried to look up at him, open-mouthed whimpers ringing off the bathroom walls and drool trickling down your cheek.
You felt your eyes roll back into your head as his limbs squeezed and pulled at your nipples, one just barely finding your clit between your folds and running small circles onto it. You weren’t able to control the whimpers, or silence the sounds in any way, and you could only wonder through the fog if anyone was listening.
The thought had you soaking.
Tamaki, truthfully, was just as much of a mess as you were. With his dress shirt sleeves rolled up, tie undone, and buttons popped on his shirt, he still felt like he was in a sauna. It took very little to get him worked up when it came to you, and seeing you spread eagle against him and nearly crying in his ear before he even took his dick out had him questioning if he would cum in his boxers.
“Yeah bunny, that’s a good girl,” He panted, pressing a kiss to your temple as he quickly used a tentacle to undo his pants and release his cock. There was no waiting- he could feel your abdomen rippling the way it before you hit your peak and he needed to be inside of you. “Such a good girl-”
Stumbling forward with his pants around his ankles, Tamaki lifted you up onto the countertop between two sinks so that you were on your knees. He was at the perfect height to slip into your dripping cunt from this angle, his tentacles pulling your arms behind your back as he began the process of stretching you out around his dick. You spread your knees just a little wider, causing him to hit a spot deep inside of you that made you yell out for him and fall back against his chest. He used this position to his advantage, beginning to pump himself inside of you.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Tamaki breathed out, his left hand turning back to normal so he could hold your neck again, but this time against his own skin. He picked up his pace with this, but as he sped up and your moans and whimpers grew even louder, he pushed you forward so your hands were bracing yourself up against the mirror.
This gave Tamaki the perfect angle to watch your reactions, seeing your mouth fall open and the glass fog as he pounded balls-deep into you relentlessly. “Oh, Tama, right there, please, please~” Your strings of words began to barely make sense as he held your hips in a bruising grip, but still, it wasn’t enough.
Slipping you off of the counter, Tamaki dropped you to your feet and brought you back against the cool tile wall. He wasted no time in picking you back off the floor, utilizing one hand of tentacles to wrap your legs around his waist as he buried himself back in your pussy.
This position was much more intimate, and fuck did he look like a beautiful mess above you. No matter how many times you two spent time like this, neither of you would ever get sick of it. Tamaki was convinced that you were the best thing he would ever have in this lifetime, and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to spend a lot of that lifetime making you cum around his cock.
“You feel so good, Tamaki~” You whispered, your lips crashing against his in hopes of swallowing some of the ridiculous noises you were sure were floating through the building at this point. He responded with a long, drawn out groan, his eyes pressed tightly closed as he fought to not cum that second. Your arms fell around his neck and you let your hands wander up into his hair, yanking at the indigo tresses and forcing his thrusts to stutter inside of you. You could tell he was fighting off his orgasm, but you wanted nothing more in that moment than to make him release. “Cum in me, Tama, fill me up, please cum in me~”
Another groan from him, but this time followed by now two human arms wrapping around your torso, pressing you hard against the wall, and fucking you with absolute reckless abandon. Tears fell from your eyes at the sheer impact, and as you bit down on his shoulder, you came harder around him than you ever had in your relationship. You worried your nails drew blood with how harshly you were grasping at him, but with the sheer force of his own hands, you knew you would probably face similar marks.
Tamaki came deep inside of you, stuffing his load and filling you to the brim. Your first thought once you caught you breath was to clean yourself up since you were already in the bathroom, but before you were even off from against the wall Tamaki had stuffed your pussy with a plug he pulled from the pocket of his slacks.
Once he backed away you looked at him incredulously, and he couldn’t help but take in your entire look. You were a mess, ridiculously so, and he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe off excess eyeliner and mascara. As he tried to gently fix your hair, he pressed the softest kiss to your forehead. “I’ll help you zip the dress up. Long night ahead.”
***
Even as you walked back to the main party, you questioned how you didn’t notice Tamaki had a fucking plug in his pocket. You whispered to him about it the whole way there, commenting on how there was still so much to do that night and it could have been so uncomfortable.
Tamaki could only smile. If you didn’t notice the plug in one pocket, you surely didn’t notice the ring box he had stuffed in the other.
#tamaki x reader#amajiki x reader#tamaki amajiki x reader#amajiki tamaki x reader#suneater x reader#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#my hero academia#mha#boku no hero academia#bnha
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Nemesis - Part 2
I’m so glad that you guys are enjoying this new series! Work was pretty hectic for me today, but here is the next part, albeit a little late.
For the last vote, A won out, meaning that Hero is going to attempt to a more direct approach to aiding Villain. Though, the things they see in this part may just change their mind.
CW//Shapeshifting, cartoon violence, insults, being called ‘worthless,’ interventions, residential medical facilities, flashbacks
The blow came out of nowhere.
It was a rhetorical statement as much as it was a completely literal one. That didn’t matter in the moment, however-- the fist had very much struck Hero in the back of their head, causing them to stumble forwards.
Before them, their assailant rematerialized from thin air, gasping with a smirk upon their face. They blew on their knuckles, as if blowing smoke from a firearm’s muzzle. Stupid, arrogant kid.
“Come on!” The villain taunted. “I thought you were supposed to be good.”
Hero didn’t bother to transform before they leapt; they did that mid-air, curled fingers turning into canine claws before them. Said claws were aimed truly at the villain a few feet ahead, directed at their panicked expression.
Suddenly, Hero felt to be on the edge of a roof. Facing a completely different foe.
Throwing themself to the ground was not a conscious choice, but it was the action that they took.
The hero in lupine shape skidded to the ground, head spinning as it struck concrete. By the time they were back to all four paws, their opponent was long gone. In their wake, the door slammed closed.
Why did they...
No. This villain looked nothing like them. They shook their head, turning back to human form in order to begin tearing out the door.
The laboratory was a nightmare to navigate. White walls stretched far further than they had any right to, all looking terribly identical. Had it been any other situation, Hero would have found themself hopelessly lost.
But they could make a pretty good guess where their target had run off to. It was probably the hall where the shouting and banging was emanating from.
Hero skidded about a corner, forgetting momentarily that in human form they lacked dewclaws, causing them nearly to fall. They did not, however, turning the corner and stopping before they collided with the active battle.
Leader swore loudly as they failed to land a blow on the villain. However, their attacker missed in turn, putting themself in such a position that allowed Teammate to grab them from behind.
The villain yelled and struggled. Almost as if they’d just fallen from the roof of a building, and were now screaming, fighting back against those trying to hold them down.
Hero was on a collision course with Teammate before they so much as realized it. Halfway through the movement, their body turned from human to that of a far more formidable wildcat, easily sending their friend sprawling on the white tile. In turn, the villain their friend had been restraining freed themself.
Leader was too stunned, in the moment, to react. By the time everyone in the corridor had returned to their senses, their opponent had long since dematerialized and left.
Leaving only the three Heroes in the hallway. Two heads turned to stare at the third.
Hero’s feline ears turned back a moment, an expression that was translated to flushing as they returned to human form. Teammate pried themself off the floor, brushing dust from their uniform.
“Sorry.” Hero dipped their head.
“Why the hell did you do that?” Leader snapped. In comparison to the quiet building, it sounded like a gong being struck. “We almost had them!”
“I was, uh, trying to get them on the ground.”
“I had it handled.” Teammate commented in a far calmer tone of voice. “I don’t think we have any chance of catching up to them now, though.”
“No. Probably not. No thanks to someone.” Leader shook their head. “We were so damn close.”
“And they got the medicines too.” Teammate added.
“They what?”
“The medicines?”
“I thought those were secured.”
“Well... They were. And then they took them.”
“Oh my god, you two are stupid.” Leader hissed through gritted teeth. “Hero, what happened in the other room? I thought you had them pinned.”
“They got away.”
“You two are so stupid. I asked for a team, and this is what I get... Worthless. Well, it’s a lost cause, now. Let’s get back to the car.”
Hero and Teammate hung their heads, but weren’t about to argue. They began their walk out of the building in silence, a silence that continued until they had traversed a few flights of stairs. That was when Leader spoke up, once again, some of the most acute venom seeming to have left their voice.
“Hero... You seem nervous.”
“I’m not.”
“I know you can fight better than what I just saw. I want to know why.”
“I guess... I guess I’m not sure.”
“Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
No. Of course they weren’t sure, because it was a lie. The night prior, after their diner meeting with Hacker, they had not succeeded in getting a single second of sleep. Now, they felt like their legs-- however many they happened to have at the moment-- were made of jello.
“I’m sure. I just need some sleep.”
“And then you’ll be back to normal?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I need my best fighter back in shape. Villains don’t catch themselves, y’know.”
Except, sometimes, they did. Sometimes they tripped, right off the edge of a roof. And, sometimes, their fall haunted the dreams of the hero who had caused it.
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The dorms at HQ were a lot of things. They were cramped, and cluttered, and the thermostats never seemed to work quite right. All of that, though, was normal. A life spent living in apartments and dorms had gotten Hero plenty used to making themself comfortable in small quarters.
The bad thing about them was that, living in an enclosed space with the same people for years on end, it became just about impossible to pretend they weren’t home when someone knocked on the door.
That didn’t mean they didn’t try every single time, however.
Hero nestled themself further under the blankets that covered them, burying their head beneath their pillow in an attempt to block out the incessant knocking. Eventually, they gave up, shouting back:
“Hero isn’t home. You can’t come in.”
“If Hero isn’t home how are they talking to me?” Came Teammate’s joking cadence.
“This is a recording. Please come back later or not at all.”
“Well, can I at least come in and talk to a recording of Hero?”
“Fine.”
Hero rolled over, staring at the ceiling a moment before getting off the bed to let their friend inside. They were smiling, which was automatically a red flag.
Teammate found themself a seat on the couch shoved into the corner of the dorm, while Hero returned to their bed, collapsing dramatically onto their back.
“I have a feeling that you know why I’m here.” Teammate started, in that weird voice they used when trying to calm down a civilian.
“What are you, my therapist?”
“No. But I am worried about you.”
“I told Leader already. I’m just tired.”
“Is that why you tackled me out of nowhere?”
“I was trying to tackle the villain.”
“While I was already holding them?”
“Can you just drop it? I’m fine. I just need to go to bed early tonight.”
“it’s not just today, though. You’ve been acting weird all week. Maybe longer.”
“Have not.”
“When you froze up on that roof?”
“Nope.”
“When you pretended to be sick so you didn’t have to go to that ceremony at the university?”
“Had a cold.”
“When you just let a villain punch you in the face?”
“I- Why do you have to be right all the time?”
“Not all the time. But I think everyone has been getting a bit worried about you. You haven’t been acting yourself... We just want to help. Are you sick? You can be honest with me.”
“It’s not that. I’m fine. Physically, I’m fine. So I should be fine and dandy.”
Teammate nodded.
“The anniversary.”
“You remembered?”
“They had it on the news. Though I have a feeling you didn’t need any help remembering.”
“No.”
“How many days has it been, now?”
“374.”
“Nine days since the anniversary of Villain’s capture. Nine days you’ve been acting weird. That’s an awfully interesting coincidence.”
“I’m worried about them.” Hero dipped their head. “I can’t- I can hardly sleep.”
“You’re worried about Villain?”
“Well- I’m not worried about them. Of course I’m not worried about them, they’re a villain. But...”
“But?”
“It’s been over a year, and there’s been no news. You’d think they’d be like, fighting back, or trying to escape, or something.”
“Is that what you’re worried about, them escaping?”
How were they supposed to escape when they couldn’t even open their eyes?
“I guess so, yeah. It doesn’t seem right for them to be so docile like that.”
“The rehabbers are very good.”
“I know they are. But Villain is... they’re the worst! When they were captured the city threw a parade! They’ve hurt so many people. And now they’re just gone.”
“You think they’re planning something?”
“I guess.”
“Well... why don’t you go see them?”
“What?”
“It’s not like they’re being held on some secret Alcatraz. The rehab place is just across the city. They’ll probably let you in if you just go up and ask.”
“You really think that would work?”
“Why not? Villain is probably just going to like, spit on you or something, but if it’s worrying you this much, just go see them. You’ll see that they’re under control, and then maybe you won’t tackle me anymore?”
“I’ll try not to.” Hero chuckled. “You think that’s gonna work?”
“It’s worth a try. Besides, maybe Villain will be better, this time. Those rehabbers are crazy good at their jobs. I don’t think a single villain has come out of their still being, like, evil. They have a one hundred percent success rate, as far as I know.”
Almost one hundred percent.
Almost.
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This was stupid.
It was the only thing Hero could think about, sitting there in the parking lot, staring at the building with its cute little picket fence and brightly-colored exterior.
It was a stupid plan. They had spent so long the night prior, overthinking the few brief words they had exchanged with Hacker.
Villain needed to leave that place.
At the very least, they needed to... Hero didn’t know what they needed. They needed to be contained, certainly. They were dangerous. Too dangerous to be free. But they at least deserved to be awake.
Did they?
Yes. Of course they did. If asked, Hero was unsure if they could truly defend their position on the matter, but they knew that Villain did not deserve to be in the state that they currently suffered. It wasn’t right.
That wit. That tongue. Those sharp, intelligent eyes.
Villain did not deserve to be drowned in sedatives until they could no longer remember their own name.
It did not matter where they went. Where they were contained. So long as they were allowed to be awake. Allowed to live.
They at least deserved that much.
But... Hero had no power over such things. Every possible plan they had concocted fell apart as soon as they tried to think it through. Certainly, despite its cutesy exterior, this building was heavily guarded. Even if they did manage to get Villain out of the facility, where would they take them? Hell, as soon as they were out, Villain would probably tear their throat out!
They should have just gone right back to the HQ and forgotten the whole affair. But that image of their foe, dead to the world, would not leave their mind. It was burned into their eyelids. They saw it when they blinked.
Hero had no plan. But, they had a car, and a near complete lack of self restraint.
They had no intention of going in guns blazing. They’d be taken out in seconds, and would probably land in the very same facility, being “rehabilitated.” But, if they could at least get in, then that was a significant hurdle leapt.
And they had the perfect plan to achieve that step.
Hero’s hadn’t even realized just how white their knuckles had grown from having gripped the steering wheel with such force for so long. Their fingers ached as they removed them from the wheel, exiting the vehicle.
For a moment, they stood there.
The only sort of barrier between the facility and the outside world was a white picket fence, only a few feet in height. A moderately athletic cat could jump it. A villain would have no difficulty.
Beyond the fence, the building looked almost like any medical clinic. Decorative windchimes hung from the awning overtop the entrance, which was little more than a pair of glass doors. There wasn’t even a visible lock. From either side of the main part of the structure, wings of patient rooms stretched, their windows decorated with childish crafts made of construction paper and glue.
It looked more like a civilian hospital than something holding the city’s most dangerous criminals.
Hero hated just how nervous they felt, opening the gate to the picket fence and approaching the front door. Their suspicions were correct-- the doors were unlocked, and a bell above them even chimed as they were opened.
The lobby beyond was small, consisting of only a single desk, at which a lab-coated person typed on a computer. As Hero entered, they looked up. Their eyes widened.
“Hero?” Their mouth was almost agape. “I didn’t think we were expecting a visit from you.”
“Sorry about that. It’s kind of a more... spur of the moment thing.”
“Oh? How can we help you?”
Hero approached the desk, trying to hide the way their finger refused to stop twitching.
“I...” Their shoulders slumped. They weren’t an actor by any means, but they had gotten plenty of practice in lying to Leader about how long they had spent in the gym. “A bit over a week ago, it was the one year anniversary of Villain’s capture.”
“Was it? Time flies, I suppose.”
“I was wondering if I could see them.”
“Oh? Any particular reason?”
“I’m just a little... suspicious. I want to make sure they’re doing alright. That they aren’t planning anything.”
“Hm... Well, I can understand your concern, but I assure you that Villain has been a model patient.”
“Even so... Can I see them?”
Hero could see the tips of the Labcoat’s ears growing red.
“Let me talk to the head doctor.” They stood from their desk, notably turning off their computer as they did so. “I’ll be back in just a moment.”
“No need.”
At the back of the small lobby area, a door opened, revealing a man wearing a pair of blue scrubs and a warm smile.
“I’m right here, Labcoat. Is there something you need- Oh my goodness, Hero in the flesh! For what do we get the honor?”
“Um-”
“They want to see Villain.”
That dropped Head Doctor’s smile pretty quick.
“I see.” They nodded, nearing the desk. “Wanting to visit the old nemesis, hm?”
“I just want to make sure they’re doing alright. That they aren’t... planning anything.”
Head Doctor frowned a moment, before sighing.
“I’m sorry, Hero. And to think you came all this way. But I’m going to have to say no. You see, Villain has had a hard day, today. Usually they’re very well-behaved, but they had some trouble today. I don’t think it would be the best idea to rile them up like that, right now. I’m terribly sorry.”
Hero put their hand in their pocket, ensuring that the doctors could not see as they balled it into a fist.
“I understand.” They nodded, trying their best not to grit their teeth. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s terribly unfortunate. If you had just come another day... But I don’t want to waste your time entirely. And it’s such a terribly long drive across town.” Again, Head Doctor’s countenance was brightened by a grin. “You won’t be able to see your nemesis today, but how about a tour? You can speak to our other patients, if you would like. They’re eating lunch right about now.”
A tour.
Hero could work with that.
“That would be great. Are you sure it’s... Are you sure it’s safe? Not that I’m worried or anything, but.”
“Of course it’s safe. It’s always safe, here. Come on. I’m sure everyone will be delighted to see you.”
Yeah. Delighted.
Head Doctor’s blue scrubs rippled under the bright florescents as they turned, heading back towards that door at the rear of the room. It felt almost too good to be true, but Hero wasted no time in following suit.
This door, unlike the others, was metal, and required a key to be passed through. It opened with a rather heavy creak, and clicked solidly as it closed behind Hero. They almost jumped.
If they were being quite honest, they had never really thought about where villains went after they were locked up. Like a hunting dog, they had little care where their prey ended up, only that they retrieved it. If they had to guess where their fallen foes ended up, they would have likely described a well-secured concrete building, complete with snipers and barbed wire.
Not a cute little hospital ward.
The door from the lobby opened into a wide-open, carpeted space, decorated by several sofas and a television, alongside a few well-stocked bookshelves. Beyond it, three hallways sprouted-- one to the front, and one to the left or the right.
Every door was wood.
“We call this the commons.” Head Doctor explained with a smile. “A sort of... hang out space. And those two halls lead to the patients rooms. Not much to see there.”
In an awfully hurried manner, they lead Hero forwards, into the hallway that led straight out from the commons. It was wide, with several doors on either side. Yet, not a single window.
“This is where me and my colleagues work, most of the the time. It’s mostly offices for our therapists. And that one, there, is my office.”
During the whole explanation, they did not stop walking forwards. They only did so at the end of the hallway, where a door was embedded.
“Um... This is the dining hall, just past this door. Everyone is eating lunch right now. I assure you that it’s perfectly safe, but I understand if you don’t want to see some of your, um, old foes.”
“It’s fine.” Hero did their best to smile. “Is Villain in there?”
“No. They decided to eat lunch in their room today.” Head Doctor chimed, opening the door. From behind it, there was no sound.
Nothing that Head Doctor said had been untrue. The dining hall was clean, immaculately so, scattered with plastic tables and chairs, both painted to look as though they were made of wood. Each table only sat two people, and most of them were full.
Full of the city’s worst. Villains who had hurt people, who had killed dozens.
They seemed happy enough, at least based upon the expressions on their faces. It was just about as typical as a cafeteria during mealtime could get.
Except for the quiet.
Even with the two dozen or so people sitting and eating, not a single one spoke. Each and every one of them seemed intent on sitting and eating the food before them.
Hero scanned the room a moment, gaze eventually setting upon one of the few tables with an empty chair. They didn't recognize the villain very well. They may have had ice-related powers, or something of the like. But they had fought, at least once. And Hero didn’t remember them being that horrible.
It was something. It was the best they were going to get.
“Head Doctor?” They spoke up.
“Yes, Hero?”
“There’s someone else here, I want to speak to.” They gestured towards the villain, sitting alone. Staring at their food. Engrossed. “We used to, um, we fought a lot. I want to talk to them.”
“Oh? Well, that’s just fine by me. It’s always good to reconcile. They’re a model patient. Do you want anything to eat?”
“No thank you.”
“Alright, then. I’ll be back at the end of lunch, if that sounds alright?”
“That’s just fine.”
“Splendid! I will see you then, Hero.”
Hero ducked their head in agreement, waiting until the doctor had left before approaching the table. They moved slowly, taking a seat across from the villain that they couldn’t so much as remember the name of. Even as they sat down, the person across from the table did not so much as bat an eye.
They only did so when Hero spoke up:
“Um, hello.”
It was oddly slow, the way in which the villain raised their head. They placed down their fork gingerly, smiling.
“Hello, Hero. I haven’t seen you in quite some time.”
“Uh, you neither. How are you doing?”
“I am doing just fine, Hero.” It was terribly stilted, the way in which they spoke, as though they had to carefully consider each word. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.”
“Did you come here to visit me?”
“Um, not you specifically. I came here to visit Villain.”
The edges of the villain’s smile flickered a moment, as if continuing to keep them upturned was quickly becoming a major effort.
“You should leave this place, Hero.” Even as they said it, their smile never fell. “It’s not worth it.”
Their hand gripped around the handle of their fork.
“Do you know where they are? Where Villain is?”
“Yes I do, Hero. I did not think you would care. It is you who put them here.”
“I didn’t do anything. Are they-” They looked around, expecting to see at least one guard, one nurse, one orderly. But the dining hall was barren of every person except villains. “Are they okay?”
“If I tell you that, I will end up like them. You do not want to be in this place, Hero. You should leave this place.”
“Um-” A single drop of sweat dripped down the side of their face, tracing their jawline. “I really suddenly need to use the bathroom.”
“It’s right there.” The villain raised a hand, pointing to a door labelled ‘16 - Restrooms′. “The bathroom is in room 43.”
Hero didn’t have to be given the hint twice.
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Thanks so much for reading! Just like last time, there are two options along with every part of this story. Alongside each options is a question, so that you guys can give more specific suggestions if you so wish. The option that receives the most votes will be the choice that our Hero makes!
A.) Risk it all and attempt a prison break - Should Hero attempt to free the others, as well?
B.) Don’t take the risk. Leave and reconsider - Should Hero tell anyone what they saw?
#whump#whumpee#whumblr#nemesis#hero villain whump#whump community#villain whumpee#hero villain prompt#hero villain#choose your own adventure#choose your own whump
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meet me in the afterglow: first date
request from @felicitysmoaksx: i would like to see a continuation of the “i’m so stressed out during finals that i show up to the exam in my onesie and you tell me i look cute” university au. maybe like their first date?
read the original fic here
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Luke and Julie ended up at a 24-hour diner a few minutes off campus. There was a light wind blowing through Julie's curls, and she was glad her onesie was so warm and fuzzy. Luke seemed perfectly at ease in his sleeve tank, but then again, she could feel his warm skin every time her wrist knocked against his arm. Her hand was still loosely clasped in his. She expected it to be slightly awkward; she had just met Luke and this was unlike anything she had ever done before. In her past four years of studies, she didn't have much time for a social life, much less a boyfriend. But there was no way she could've turned down his invite after the entirety of the situation.
When they reached the exterior of the diner, Julie spotted various empty booths. There were a few students who were quite obviously studying, what with their textbooks and highlighters strewn around the table, but it was generally quite empty. Even though it was relatively empty, Julie was still hit with a wave of anxiety with being seen in this onesie by everyone in the diner. It was dumb, she knew that; she had completed her exam in front of people with this onesie and even walked across campus with it. But for some reason, she couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling. When Luke moved forward to open the door, he stumbled back and realized Julie had stopped walking. Their intertwined hands pulled him to a stop. He noticed Julie's worried eyes and moved closer, ducking his own head to catch her gaze. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" God, Julie wanted to scream. This is not how their first date was supposed to be going. "This is going to sound weird," Julie laughed nervously. "But I'm feeling super self-conscious about this onesie right about now." Luke's facial features softened, and he stepped even closer. He let go of her hand to bring it up close to her face; Julie's breath hitched and he stopped his movements. "Julie, believe me when I say this, you look stunning in that onesie. Honestly, I’m too distracted with your beauty to even notice anymore.” Her brain was short-circuiting and no words were coming to mind. His green gaze was so captivating, she couldn't look away. But they were standing outside the diner and she had to do something. His hand that stopped mid-air dropped back down, outlining her arm through the onesie to intertwine their pinkies. Julie felt her knees begin to shake. She swallowed hard. “Well, I am pretty hungry.” That was the most her incapacitated brain could come up with currently, but the comment sent a brightening smile to Luke’s lips. “Great,” he added, once again pulling open the front door. Julie took a deep breath to regain her confidence. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought; it only mattered how she felt. And if she was being honest, she felt pretty damn good after hearing what Luke had to say. There was a sign at the front saying ‘seat yourself’ so Julie slid into a widow booth. Luke slid in across from her, his vibrant smile still on full display. It had been quite some time since Julie went on a first date. It was also pretty obvious that she was out of her element, but Luke seemed perfectly okay with taking the lead. “So, what’s your major, Julie?” He waited until their waitress came over to hand them menus and bring two glasses of water to ask his question. He was casually perusing the menu, but inside, he was dying to know more about this mysterious girl. “You mentioned something about an Evidence course?” Julie glanced up from her menu with a soft smile. She hadn't really gotten a chance to celebrate the fact that she was officially finished her major, (however, she couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than a date with an incredibly cute and caring guy). "I was in Criminology. That was my last exam ever, actually." Luke's eyes widened comically, a large grin spreading over his face. "Congratulations, that's amazing!" He cheered, reaching over to softly squeeze her wrist. "Wow, I should be taking you out to a five course meal — not this." Julie's eyes snapped up to meet his. He was grinning and he looked confident, but Julie could see the underlying insecurity beneath. It was intriguing to see, given how comfortable he had been since they'd met. "This is perfect," she replied evenly, meeting his eye with assurance. Luke matched her smile. The waitress came back to take their order, smiling knowingly at the adorable couple. Luke ordered a chocolate milkshake with a cheeseburger and fries, while Julie also ordered a chocolate milkshake and a chicken caesar wrap with sweet potato fries. “Perfect. I’ll put that order in right away and it’ll be out soon,” their waitress assured them with a bright smile. “What about you?” Julie asked, straw between her lips. She didn’t miss the way Luke’s eyes flickered down for a nanosecond; it gave her all the confidence in the world. “Your major?” Luke took a moment longer to reply (yes, he was composing himself, what about it?). “I’m actually a music major.” Julie’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Oh, really?” “Yeah. I was just taking that course as a filler,” he explained. “That was my final exam too.” Julie’s face lit up in excitement. “Doesn’t it feel great?” “Unbelievable,” he chuckled. “A little scary because what the hell am I supposed to do now?” Julie’s smile dimmed a bit. She was in the same boat and she had been avoiding thinking about it for as long as possible. However, she was still young and there was always the possibility of going back to school (although, her current outfit and mental stability would argue against that). “But we’re not going to think about that right now,” she replied with a coy smile. Luke opened his mouth to rebut, but he was instead distracted by the mouthwatering scent of their food arriving. He was mesmerized, but Julie was straight up emotional about it; she truly thought she might cry. “Oh God,” she mumbled, her senses completely overloaded. “It’s been so long since I’ve had proper food. Does coffee count as a food?” Luke was already shoving fries into his mouth. “Definitely not,” he replied through a full mouth. It definitely wasn’t first date etiquette but Julie was so hungry, she couldn’t be bothered to notice. Not that she cared anyway, she was quickly gnawing down her wrap, nearly forgetting to breathe. Once Julie was satisfied that her hunger was appropriately satiated and she could finally multi-task again, she took a sip of her milkshake and turned her attention to Luke once again. “So, music. How’d you get into it?” Luke was momentarily surprised at the question, but he was more than happy to speak about it. Music was everything to him; he could talk about it all day. “Honestly, it kind of just happened. A cousin of mine used to have a guitar and we taught ourselves to play.” “Are you any good?” Julie meant it to come out teasingly, but it really ended up sounding more flirty than anything. “Maybe you should find out.” Luke very easily matched her tone and Julie found herself sweating before him. “How do you propose I do that?” Well, she may as well continue with the ruse. She had leaned forward in the booth, resting her chin in her hand. “Lucky for you, I have a band.” Julie’s brain immediately stopped all function. He was attractive, he had amazing biceps, he was sweet and respectable and he was in a band? “You — you’re in a band?” Julie cringed at the obvious fumble in her words. He can’t just drop that on her and expect her to be okay though. An unconscious smile spread across his features. “My best friends and I are in a band. We try to play gigs whenever we can; you know, exposure.” “Oh — you play gigs,” Julie swallowed. God, her throat was dry. “Does that mean you have original songs?” Luke nodded again; he looked so excited. “My band calls me the Shakespeare of songwriting. Can’t help myself.” Julie’s brain started screaming at her again: HE WRITES SONGS. Julie grabbed her glass of water and drained it halfway. “That’s awesome. Uh — so, are you the guitarist?” “Lead guitarist,” he smirked with pride. “I’m also the lead singer.” Julie squeezed her water glass so tight, her knuckles turned white. Luke’s eyes dropped to her hand and his smirk only widened. He was full-on torturing her now and he knew it. “How the hell are you even real?” Julie was never known for her subtlety. Luke should know that by now since she basically went off on him in the exam room already anyway. He wasn’t, however, expecting that random question. His eyebrows rose in surprise, but Julie didn’t elaborate. Instead, she seemed to be almost glaring at him. He laughed, a hint of nervousness in his tone. “Excuse me?” “You’re a guitar player in a band, you write songs and you sing them. You’re ridiculously sweet and kind and I haven’t seen any red flags yet, which is literally unbelievable nowadays. You’re somehow interested in me and you’re ridiculously hot. There must be something else going on here because there is no way in hell that this is real.” Luke could only blink at her. He took a moment to mull over his next words before he relayed them with a frown. “If you’re impressed by my kindness, which should just be basic human behaviour, then men clearly need to do better.” Julie bit her lip as she sighed. “Sorry. That was a lot. I just mean—” Luke interrupted. “You seem to be really surprised that someone like me could be interested in you and I just don’t understand,” he explained, brows furrowed together. “What you and I see is clearly different. I see someone intelligent and dedicated enough to her studies to block out everything else and get it done. I see someone beautiful, no matter what they're wearing. I see someone who doesn't think as highly of themselves as they should because I've only known you a few hours and that's enough for me to know that I want you in my life." Now it was Julie's turn to blink. "Sorry," Luke popped out a smirk, "That was a lot." "Listen," Julie breathed, openly avoiding eye contact as she started her explanation. "I'm not, nor have I ever been, that successful in the dating department. This," she motioned between her and Luke, "Has never happened to me before and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. So, I'm sorry if I'm butchering this." Luke instantly reached forward to grab her hand. "You're not." "Are you sure?" She laughed nervously. "I've given you more than one reason tonight to think I'm certifiably insane." Luke looked up from their conjoined hands with an earnest smile. "I hate to break it to you, but it's going to take a lot more than that to drive me away." Julie considered it for a moment. "You know what, I'm okay with that." "Good," he laughed. He stood up from the booth. "I'll be right back." Julie took this opportunity to momentarily reflect. In the span of twenty-four hours, she had gone through a range of emotions like something she'd never experienced before. But she had successfully completed her exams, and thus, completed her major. She could now take a break from school and decide how she wanted to proceed. Somehow the worst week of her life ended up as one of the best. Luke returned a few moments lately, shoving his wallet back into his back pocket. "Alright, we're all squared away. You ready to go?" Julie nodded with a smile, easily following him outside. "Thanks for the meal, Luke. I needed it." "Of course." He was unable to lose the grin from his face. "Hey, is it alright if I get your number?" Julie almost tripped over herself in taking out her cellphone from the pocket of her onesie. They exchanged phone numbers with a smile. "I live just around the corner over there," Julie motioned with her index finger. "But tonight was great, and I had a lot of fun." Luke's eyebrows furrowed together. "Oh, that's great. But I'm walking you home." "You don't need to do that," she replied automatically. "I want to." Well, Julie couldn't dispute that. Luke once again reached for her hand and Julie led the way. She knew it would be an exceptionally short walk, but he kept the conversation going for all of it. It felt like he couldn't get enough of talking to her and it seriously made Julie's heart squeeze with affection. When they reached the doorstep of Julie's building, she turned to him with nervous eyes. "I would love to take you out again," Luke murmured quietly. The energy around them had suddenly changed and Julie was hyper aware of his thumb stroking her palm. "I would love to see your band," she replied, because honestly, she still hadn't gotten that image out of her head. An immediate grin broke out on Luke's face. "Then it's decided," his eyes softened once again as he took a step down. "Get some sleep, Julie. Celebrate your achievements by forty-seven hours of sleep." "You know what?" Julie threw her head back in a laugh. "I think I just might." His eyes were sparkling as he observed her laughing. It was the best sight he'd seen in ages. Julie could see his hesitation and decided he'd done enough already (especially through her multiple freak-outs over the course of the day). With his small step down, he was finally at her height. She took a small step forward and pulled him closer with a soft hand of the back of his neck. She met his wide eyes as she moved closer and pulled a smile as she pressed her lips dangerously close to his lips. She kept her hand where it was and only moved back to glance in his eyes. His own hand slid behind her back and she savoured every moment of his touch. No words were needed. All they needed was the mere presence of each other. Julie finally pulled away, throwing a shy smile in his direction. "Goodnight, Luke." He was grinning the widest she'd seen since they met. "Goodnight, Julie."
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#juke#juke fics#jatp fics#juke au#jatp au#luke patterson#julie molina#julie x luke#luke x julie
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Manager!Seijoh IWA ROUTE
a/n: uwuwuwuwuwu my mans iwa chan :’)
IM A SIMP FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER
uwu filo!iwa in this :)
and also, listen to lauv while reading this since i wrote this and that song was playing on repeat O_O and also this song
this is my self-request uwu
HES SUCH A POUTY BABIE BLS LOVE ON HIM
onwards we goooo
hihihihihihi yey im so excited for this yall dont even know
ANYWAYS
so,,,,
when iwa first saw you, he thought you were just a cute little thing
your shorter height, your puffy cheeks, and the wide eyes you had whenever you saw someone, or him, do a really cool spiking move
he initially thought of you as a cute little sister hes never had
ehehe that finna change
then the,,,, bullying thing happened
if youd like to read this part, its right here
when he saw you bloodied, all battered,
dear lordie he was finna break some ankles
ONG I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SANGWOO YET HERE I AM
like that image of you will probably stay in his memory until he dies of the ripe age of 200
ngl it kinda traumatized him a little bit of how tired and pained you look with the tears rolling down your face and the blood that was escaping your body through your wounds
god you didnt deserve any of that
you deserved the world and the universe yet some people dared to take away your worth
ooo he was so mad
miyo was,,,, hurt??
can i say that??
i dont wanna,,,, explain bara arms iwa hurting a girl so youre gonna have to imagine that for yourselves
but at the end when they said slap, he didnt just ✨S L A P ✨ her
he ✨ B R O K E S O M E A N K L E S ✨
oiks is actually scared of him after that
like oiks had to peel him off of her and towards the infirmary where you and the team were
‘IWAIZUMI HAJIME, STOP!’
oof the first and last time oikawa tooru ever said that full name
he was breathing heavy and he was so ✨ A N G R Y ✨ with what she did to you yet he hears your soft scoldings, telling him off for hurting a girl
he wanted to see you
like right now
iwa tore himself from oikawa’s grasp and ✨ N Y O O M E D ✨ himself to the nurse’s office
there, you sat on the bed with the others scattered either on other beds or on the floor
you smiled at the sight of him and he walked towards you and engulfed you in his arms
‘youre okay now. im here’
he whispered and you buried your face into his chest, breathing in his unique scent
lavender mixed with peppermint
he refused to leave your side so he ✨ M A D E ✨ some room on the bed beside you to sit and he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close
you held his hand while oikawa talked to you and as you shamefully bowed your head
but you were forgiven and everything was all good until the third years really got into plan
makki and mattsun promised to handle it all as they had family in the justice field while oikawa would go and get the girl suspended
‘but what about me?! i want-’
‘iwaizumi, you literally hit her. it’d be best if you’re not involved right now as you were the only one who physically touched her in a harmful manner like that’
ong when it come to y/n, the meme team is replaced by the assassin team
he tried to fight but in the end, 3 overpowered 1 and he was forced to sit back and opted to comfort you instead
he made sure you were safe to walk home but that day, you were the one who asked him to spend time with him
just you two
like after seeing him seethingly enter back into the room, you reached out and held his hand in yours, eyes trained on your fingers fiddling with his
‘iwa-san,,,, you said you downloaded the new godzilla movie?’
you whispered but he could still hear you and his heart swelled at your meek voice
‘yea, i did. and my mom bought those chips you like’
your eyes flitted up to meet his eyes and a soft smile spread on your lips and there was this thumping in his heart
maybe that was the first time that iwaizumi hajime felt differently towards you
a smile that seemed to be differently perceived than the rest
and it wasnt for the whole team
it was for him
and him alone
the trek to his house was quiet but you would hum nursery rhymes or the songs you heard earlier in the radio while skipping every few steps and tightly holding on to his hand
iwaizumi’s olive eyes watched you still radiate energy despite being so hurt for a long time
they then trailed to your linked hands and he unintentionally squeezed it, only figuring out he did it when you looked up to him and squeezed it back with a smile
he wanted to do something to make you forget of what happened
he didnt want you to think about the cruelty and pain so he was going to make sure you would continue smiling
thankfully, his parents werent home so he wouldnt have to explain why he has a bandage-covered girl with him
iwa led you upstairs to where his room was and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside
tiny action figurines of animes like bakugo from boku no hero academia or a tiny pikachu on his desk
there was a large country flag that you didnt recognize and a few godzilla posters and volleyball players decorating beside it
however, besides those normal things you wouldve expected,
there were many polaroids
polaroid pictures that were everywhere with no specific layout pattern and just placed anywhere that had room
iwa watched as you dazedly walked forward and entered the room to move towards the wall by his desk that had the most pictures against it
from pictures of him and oikawa to the third years to him and his parents or just the sunrise and human silhouettes
your fingers reached forward and traced the picture of him and the third years when they were still first years and took a spontaneous trip to the beach
‘mattsun stole his dad’s car and drove us to the beach without a license’
iwaizumi’s voice answered your questions and you looked back, shimmering eyes
this room,,, wasnt just a normal, teenage boy’s room
this was a room that represented iwaizumi hajime
from his natural character description like his love for volleyball evident in the volleyball player posters to the underneath description that was hidden like his love for godzilla and his love of taking pictures of the people he cares about the most
it was all that made up iwaizumi hajime
your feet took you to stand in front of him, still standing at the doorway, and you stood on your toes to try and be eye-level with him
‘youre really cool, iwa-san’
you whispered and his ears turned red, not from the compliment, but by the close distance between you two
iwa clearedhis throat and ruffled your hair roughly, pushing you down slightly back to the balls of your feet
‘i already knew that, brat. now go and sit over there and be comfortable or whatever while i go get the food’
he hurriedly turned to hide his growing red face but you stopped him
‘iwa-san,,, ano,,, can,, i borrow a hoodie?’
you mumbled, nervously thinking he might refuse
but he grunted a response, not bothering to turn around
‘take your pick’
you smiled and thanked him before bounding over to the wardrobe that was pushed against the wall across his bed that was against the corner by his window
inside had so many hoodies and there were also shirts that were hung up on the other half
they were all graphic tees that either had american bands or anime or game references
opting for a mint green hoodie that says ‘SONIC NYOOM’, you had an undershirt under your button up and as you slipped the bloodied long sleeve off, he swung the door open, eyes focused on the tray of coke filled glasses
then he looked up and almost dropped it at the sight of you,,, like that
‘OH MY GOD SORRY’
he shrieked and carefully but hurriedly backtracked back to the hallway
ofc you were shocked too but you quickly put the hoodie on and went to get him
iwaizumi’s heart was hammering in his chest and he was VERY red with embarrassment
how could he see you like that?!
a girl who wasnt his shouldnt be seen like that by his eyes!
a touch on his arm reminded him of his position and he was still holding the tray but it was clear from the liquid in the cups that he was shaking slightly
‘iwa-san, its okay. i still had a shirt on so dont misunderstand’
you reasoned and he nodded, still not looking at you
the beginning of the movie was quite awkward as you both were sitting next to each other on the floor, backs against his mattress while the laptop played godzilla in front of yall
but it seems it was just him who was feeling this way bc you were intrigued at this weird monster that was squshing building under its foot and you continued munching on the food
iwa stood up and coughed
‘im going to take a shower’
you paused it and stared up at him, a chip halfway in your mouth
‘oh? you want me to wait for you?’
he agressively shook his head
‘no! its okay i watched it already. just,,,, watch it’
at the end, his words came out jumbled in his hurry to go and calm his heart down
you shrugged and unpaused the movie to continue watching
iwa spent his time in the shower, thinking and trying to think of stupid thoughts like the time oikawa almost choked on a peanut when they were in middle school to distract him of thoughts of how adorable you were
ONG HE WAS JUST SHOWERING AND INNOCENTLY DOING SHOWER THINGS
‘no, i said she was like a sister to me. and a sister she’ll remain’
okay ngl even though theyre not related, im worried yall would be like ‘iNcESt’ but bls a lot of people have tried to sibling-zoned people yet realized they liked them in THAT way
as he wrapped himself with a towel, he then realized
oh my god he didnt bring clothes
LMAO NOOOO IWAAAAA
iwa frantically looked around and he saw his mother’s sakura themed robe and he paused, arguing silently with him if he should wear it
well, it was either that or he went back into the room and showed you,,,,,, this
sucking in a sharp breath, he kept the towel around his waist and slipped his arms through the tight arm holes and he awkwardly tried to keep it tied since he was so much bigger than his tiny mom
what is happening
you saw the door opening and excitedly turned to tell him about this one scene when your voice died down in your throat at the sight of him
here was iwaizumi hajime, ultra muscle buff man who gets abs with a simple glance of the gym, wearing an all too-tight pink, cherry blossom print robe that was so tight the tie around it was shaking to keep it together
‘dont’
he whispered and that snapped your remaining surprise to double over in laughter
‘its so cute! iwa-san, youre so cute!’
you shrieked and he growled and hurriedly went to to grab grey sweatpants and a shirt before running straight back to the bathroom
when he finally came back out, his face was still red and he was pouting as he sat next to you back to his seat
he could feel you staring at him while looking constipated as you held your laugh in and the second your eyes met, your giggles fell out
iwa rolled his eyes
‘yes yes let it out’
‘hehe, iwa-san, i didnt know you had that style’
‘it isnt! i didnt want to walk in here practically naked with you in the room!’
he growled and you nodded, still not quite believing it
‘hai hai. just say you like pink, i wont tell’
you waved and iwa felt offended
‘what do you mean ‘hai hai’?! its really not!’
your lips pursed to keep more giggles in and iwa growled again before lunging to grab your sides and tickling you
of course being careful to not touch your wounds
you shrieked at the ticklish feeling and iwa laughed as you made weak attempts to push him off
‘huh? what was that? whatd you say? cant talk anymore, can ya?’
he teased
‘NO!!!! IWA-SAAAAN!!!!!’
you shouted in between your laughter and he finally let up when you squealed out your apologies and promised to never say it again
you breathed air into your lungs and sat back up to recollect yourselves
iwa saw the strands that escaped your bun and they were scattered everywhere looking messy with your flushed cheeks and teary eyes
oh my god you were beautiful
he was so happy that you still kept that smile despite what happened and he was going to fight to keep it there
forever
it was about nearly the end when you finally realized how different iwaizumi’s hair looked
‘oi, iwa-san, your hair is not naturally spiky?’
he continued eating the chips while still watching the movie
‘what would you expect? even shittykawa’s hair is like this. did ya know that he wakes up extra early to curl it into that shitty mess?’
your jaw dropped
‘EEEHHHH???!!!!!!!’
later, you asked him how he does his hair for school and he blindly reached for the gel that was resting on his desk before tossing it to you
‘here’
you looked at it and flickered over to his hair and then you had the greatest realization
‘GODZILLA-SAMA!’
you pointed and he stopped eating, turning to give you a confused look
‘ha?’
you shrieked in an another round of laughter
‘IWA-SAN LIKES GODZILLA-SAMA SO MUCH HE DOES HIS HAIR AFTER HIM!!!!’
you doubled over to the floor, clutching your stomach and iwaizumi’s flustered expression made you laugh harder
he knew you were smart but,,, not this smart
you figured out his secret
the secret he’s hidden since he was practically a toddler
even his best friend, the guy hes known since he was born, never made the connection
yet here you are, figuring it out not even a year of knowing him
was this part of the many reasons he,, felt his heart beat for you?
oikawa was relieved that you had the bright twinkle in your eyes the next time he saw you and you were actively talking to iwaizumi in that early morning practice
‘oh? y/n-chan, is iwa-chan your best friend now?’
he tried not to sound jealous for his own best friend’s closeness to you and he added a teasing smile for extra measure
okay that hurted me a bit
iwaizumi snarled and blasted the volleyball towards his face before he could even yell or shout
‘iwa-san, dont do that’
you chided softly, small hands wrapping around his muscly arm
but iwa patted your head
‘deserving people deserve things to happen to them’
you rolled your eyes but smiled at him
‘hai hai’
the next week, iwa still kept a close eye on you in case someone else decided to mess with you
but you told him that you swear youd tell him if someone did and he trusts you so he backed off a little
one day, he was eating lunch with the other third years in their classroom when you busted through the door, excitedly holding your phone
‘iwa-san! i figured out what country your flag was!’
he was halfway of shoving rice in his mouth when iwa looked at you
‘oh? you couldve just asked me though?’
you pouted and went to pull a chair from another desk to sit beside him
‘nooo. i wanted to work for that information. so you’re from the philippines, iwa-san?’
he nodded proudly
‘yep’
your eyes shone with interest
‘really?! you look japanese so it must be one of your parents. hey, iwa-san, which island are you from? i read about them and they have like 7641 islands-’
the others watched as you read through the article in your phone and iwa wasnt even following your words, instead staring at you with a dazed look and a lovesick smile
mattsun, makki, and oikawa exchanged looks of surprise because in all the years theyve known him especially oikawa, iwa was never interested in girls and such
he was a straight forward man with goals and straight sight to get them done with no distractions like relationships or love
yet here he was
slowly falling in love with you without even knowing he is
he continued to fall with the simplest things about you
from the perfume that you wore everyday to the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear when you were talking to someone
little quirks he used to miss was now being noticed even if you were right behind him and not in his line of vision
now, the boys were starting to see the difference of their precious ace
it was as if when he started to like you, they knew immediately by how he was acting
then one day during practice, you were late and they were all looking around for you and when they couldnt find you, they met back in the gym with nervous looks
iwa was already pacing around, a scary aura radiating off of him, and kindaichi, who went with him to look around the school, warned the others of iwaizumi’s worry
‘he was slamming doors open and he was walking so fast i had to run to even keep up with him’
then you busted through the gym door
you were actually picking up food for the team and sweets and you were held up when makki’s puffs were still being cooked
they rallied around you to make sure you werent hurt and you assured them but iwa pulled them away like picked them up and threw them off to the side and took you in his arms
iwa thought you were hurt and he was so worried something happened to you again
the hug was bone-crushing with how hard he was squeezing you but you felt his worry though and you freed your arms to wrap them around his neck
‘im okay, iwa-san’
you whispered in his ear and he nodded
‘let me hold you for a second’
he mumbled and you nodded
‘oi, theres food in the bags so make sure you eat it all. coach paid for it all so dont leave behind anything’
the mention of the food distracted them from you and iwa and they piled on top of each other to reach their food first
iwa was grateful that you distracted the others from seeing him being vulnerable towards you
‘i thought-’
‘shh,,, you have me right here, right now. safe and sound’
you knew how much seeing you all battered messed him up and his attempt of making you forget about it has been
and his worry of you being gone without no sign of where you went will forever be there and he will always have that thought in the back ofhis mind
the next time you came over, you actually met his parents
since you went home early before, you didnt catch his parents when they came home around 10 minutes after you left
but this time, they were already home with his mom cooking dinner while his father was sitting on the dining chair reading a newspaper
iwa walked through the door, shouting he was home, and you did the same thing to be customary
oof his parents were surprised
his mom turned around to share a look of surprise with her husband
sure they havent seen tooru in a while but they were pretty sure his voice wasnt that high pitched
right?
‘hajime, did you hit tooru so much you ruined his-’
then his mother stopped talking at the sight of you holding iwa’s hand tightly when yall stepped around the corner
you sheepishly smiled at them and bowed your head in greeting
oh my
so this was why iwaizumi hajime-san was really really really handsome
his parents were freaking good looking
like his mother was aphrodite with her flawless melanin skin and doe shaped eyes with a mole under her left eye
and his father was like ares, so handsome yet still manly and his appearance was a special type of good-looking with his buffness and ruffed appearance
‘iwa-san, i didnt know your parents were gods’
you mumbled, still staring at them
iwaizumi choked and coughed, flustered
‘oh my!’
his mother placed a hand over her mouth
‘hello’
his father stood up to walk in front of you and held his hand out
‘i’m hajime’s father’
you let go of hajime’s hand to shake his own with both of your hands
‘really nice to meet you! i’m l/n y/n! seijoh volleyball manager! first year!’
you introduced then stepped aside to fully bow 90 degrees
iwaizumi thought it was so cute of how flustered you were at meeting his parents
‘ay nako! nak, i didnt know you had such a beautiful girlfriend!’
she squealed and hurriedly went to stand in front of you and gently grasped your arms to stand you back straight and took a good look at you
‘youre so beautiful, iha. nice skin, pretty eyes, ang ganda!’
even with your research of tagalog, you didnt quite understand what she was saying
iwa noticed your slightly confused expression and he laughed, tucking his hands in his pockets
‘sorry, my nay speaks in taganese when she gets excited’
‘t-taganese?’
‘tagalog and japanese’
you nodded in understanding
it was time to put your basic reserach to test
‘hello po’
you greeted her and nervously took her hand and pressed the back of it to your forehead before slowly lowering it down and letting go
her wide eyes made you think you did something bad or even offensive!
‘i-i’
‘HAY NAKO, HAJIMEE~!’
she shrieked
‘YUNG-!!! YUNG-!!!’
okay im terrified
iwa noticed his mother’s malfunction and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and veered her back to her kitchen
‘sorry about her, l/n-chan. its just,,,, hajime hasnt brought home a girl before. and you doing that mustve done it in for her’
you worriedly watched hajime calm his mom down with a smile and talking to her hushed
in their perspective,,,
‘shes so nice, nak! marry her, okay? shes very pretty and she made an effort to please your nanay, so go and marry her!’
ohmylord im nervous
initially, iwa only wanted to go and hang out with you and watch a movie
not have a full dinner with his family
lmao i shouldve told you that youve been friends for months now
his mother cooked sinigang and adobo and more filipino dishes, adding even more when she saw you were joining them
the dining table was covered with a large plate full of food and you were so fascinated because this was a side of iwa that you wanted to know more about
‘wow!’
you said, not thinking, at the deep-fried fish that still had its eyeballs intact
iwa genuinely thought you would’ve shyed away from it in disgust but your eyes were glistening with genuine interest
‘iwa-san! youre so lucky you get to eat this stuff!’
you told him, looking over at his direction
while mrs iwaizumi was lading in the soup into the big bowl, mr iwaizumi was sitting at the dining table, watching your interaction and hajime telling you what each food was and your noises of surprise
he watched his son laugh when you said the palabok reminded you of the orange boy hinata
and he also watched his son look at you so lovestruck and exactly like how he looks at his wife
soon, his mother finished and they rounded the table before saying a quick prayer to bless the food and digging in
‘so, what do you want to start with, iha?’
mrs iwaizumi asked and your wide eyes looked around
‘hm, im not sure. whats your favorite iwa-san?’
you looked to your right towards hajime who was busy eating and stopped before pointing his lips towards a direction
‘that one’
‘hah?’
you asked
mrs iwaizumi laughed at her son’s actions
‘sorry, l/n-chan, my son has adapted my traits. he was pointing to this, adobo. do you want some?’
‘yes please’
the smell made your mouth water and you started to tuck in
maybe it was your managerial instincts, but you used your napkin to wipe hajime’s lips and he was also used to this and turned his head to make it easier for you then he went to grab the water jug and re-fill your glass
once it was done, you both silently went back to eating
his parents watched his exchange and it was like watching a married couple taking care of each other
‘so, l/n-chan, you said you were their manager’
mr iwaizumi started and you nodded, wiping your lips
‘yes. i have been for a while now and please, call me y/n’
‘hajime actually told us he had a new manager for his team and tooru told us too. but we didnt know you were a girl. its just so interesting for hajime to bring you home as he has never really had any female friends’
mrs iwaizumi’s comment made you chuckle and iwa’s eyes widened in embarassment
‘nay! of course ive had female friends! ive had friends from all genders!’
he reasoned but you teasingly smiled at him
‘ah, im not really surprised. iwa-san doesnt exactly have the appearance that girls are brave enough to approach’
he sent you a betrayed glance
‘hah?! what’s that supposed to mean?!’
you shrugged, going back to your food
‘im just saying that you always have this intense look in your eyes and youre always frowning. but its cute so its fine. and besides, i dont think theyve seen you laugh since you dont really smile a lot, iwa-san’
‘but you’ve seen me smile!’
‘eung. but its only to me. if they knew the stuff i knew like you being a godzilla fan or your collection of succelents, theyd see you like oikawa-san’
‘HAH?! YOU SEE ME LIKE SHITTYKAWA?!’
mrs iwaizumi held her husband’s hand on the table as they watched you both bicker and tease each other with a smile
hajime has always been on the rougher side of things and he doesnt really have many close friends other than the team and even then, tooru is the only one he can really be himself around
yet here you are, bringing out the boy hajime really is and making him laugh, a sound his parents dont really hear outside the house
and your eyes
god, your eyes held admiration, life,,,, and you might not know this yet,, but love
her eyes trailed her son who teasingly headbutted you and you faking a surprise and doing the same
then you heard his father’s cough which brought you back to where you were and the situation and the people that were there
you felt embarrassment creeping up inside you and you bowed
‘im sorry for acting like that, iwaizumi-san. i-’
‘no, dont apologize, darling. please, dont’
her soft smile made the nerves in you ease and hajime’s father winked at him and he knew exactly what his father was trying to say
after dinner, you volunteered to wash the plates but they veered you away from there and towards the living room
‘oh my god, pops! stop her!’
hajime whined because he knows what his mother was going to do
she was going to show him his baby pictures
you sat on the beige couch and watched as she reached under the coffee table and revealed a few albums that had iwaizumi hajime written on the cover
‘now, y/n-chan, hajime wasnt always this pouty. in fact, he used to always have a smile on his face and laughed at the littlest things! like right here! a leaf fell on him and he-’
stories of his childhood was exchanged throughout the night and you were laughing so hard that tears were falling out of your eyes while hajime wrapped your shoulders with his arm and he would squeeze you tightly whenever you made fun of him
‘oh dear! iwa-san! you-!’
you didnt finished as you continued to laugh and he sighed
‘nay, can we go eat dessert now?’
he asked his mother and she was beginning to feel sorry for him so she smiled and nodded
‘okay. hajime, come help me’
‘iwaizumi-san, i can-’
‘no, y/n-chan. dont you worry your pretty little head about anything and just look through more of these pictures’
hajime followed his mother to their kitchen before she stopped and turned around
his mother’s height was around 5′1 so she had to look up to meet his eyes and her hands were clasped around his biceps
she is definitely beautiful and he cursed at how little he got from his mother other than her skin color
mrs iwaizumi married her husband and immigrated to japan to have a family and your polite action from earlier moved her as she hasnt experienced that in nearly 2 decades
‘nay, shes,,,, just a friend’
he reasoned, a wobbly smile to cover up his want for that title to change
yet mothers def knows best and saw right through it
she gave him a firm look with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips
‘nak, dont lie to yourself. i raised you to never tell a lie and lying to yourself is considered lying to someone. she’s not your KAibigan, shes your kaIBIGan’
now, hajime knew a little bit of tagalog as his mother made sure he was able to at least speak to his relatives back home
so he got a hint of what she was saying yet was confused
then he realized it
his blush creeped up his neck and he chuckled, ducking his head low to avoid his mother’s eyes
‘nak, listen to me. papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. youre still growing and you may be confused right now, but make sure to think wisely and dont live with regrets. nanay doesnt want you to go through it all by yourself since she knows how hard it was. so please, listen to me and pursue her. shes special, hajime. she makes you so, so happy. i see it in your eyes, her eyes, god has fated you together. i feel it’
now if a filipino mother actually tells their son to go after a girl, thats a pretty big thing as its known that mothers are the hardest to convince and are fiercely protective of their sons, especially if its an only son, but mrs iwaizumi literally tells hajime to go court you because she sees how happy you make him and is willing to let hajime go to you
definitely his mother’s words stuck to him and as he walked you home, he was busy thinking that he was quiet and you were worried as he would be talking right now
‘iwa-san? you okay?’
you asked and he blinked, taken back to reality from his daydream
‘hm, yea’
he answered to look at you
hes been pining for months now and he slipped his hand into yours, holding it tightly
uwu if you want to see iwa moments with y/n, read through the seijoh manager series as theres a lot of them in there
he wanted you yet, he knew it would be selfish of him to keep you in the future
he would be a college student while you’re in your 2nd year
would you want to be so far away from him?
could you handle it?
‘yanno, iwa-san, your dad told me something interesting’
you suddenly said, squeezing his hand and kicking rocks while looking up at the night sky
‘what was it? something embarrassing?’
he immediately feared that they told you that story when he was still potty training and he fell straight into the toilet
‘hmm,,, no. he told me that he met your nanay when she was a high school student and he was a in an intern at your lolo’s company’
iwa listened and he had a smile at how you said the tagalog word for grandfather
‘he said she almost ran him over by her bike and she fled but they met again when she visited your lolo. through that, they became friends and then she confessed to him. apparently, he declined because she was younger than him, although just 3 years, and he was leaving for his own country in a few months so he didnt know if she would wait for him’
were,,,, you reading his mind?
iwa knew of his parents story yet with you telling it, it sounded a million times more interesting
‘yet she promised him. thats it, just a promise. that she would remain faithful to him, she would keep herself for him and when she finally graduates, she would go and find him and they could be happy together. he said it was the longest 3 years of his life yet when he saw in the airport, he felt like the wait was worth it. because he gets to hold the embodiment of happiness in his arms for the rest of his life’
you finished and he hummed
‘times have changed, y/n’
‘even you?’
you stopped walking and he naturally stopped too
‘would you wait for me like he did if i promised myself to you? if i promised you that despite the few years of waiting, i would still be yours and remain yours until we’re ready to be together?’
WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!
iwa’s heart was drumming in his chest and he wanted so desparately to look at you in the eyes but you were making that impossible as your head was bowed and your eyes were fixed on the concrete you both stood on
‘of course, i would’
your head snapped up and e/c clashed with olive eyes
‘i would wait for you. we may,,, be young right now. and they might think we’re,,, being impulsive. but i dont care. because right now, all that matters, is you and me. we can think about the consequences later, but right now, i just want to kiss you’
he admitted, red ears seen by the moonlight
your body shook
‘do it, no balls’
well,,,, he has the balls
and under the moon, at 8:34 pm, iwaizumi hajime kissed you
OML THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SEIJOH SHORT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO OIKAWA AND HIS NEIGHBORS ARE LIKE ‘AH SHITE HERE WE GO AGAIN’
it didnt come as a surprise to the team when yall announced your relationship
well,, you both actually didnt tell them outright until like weeks later
what can you say?
you and iwa are very private people and you dont really like to show off in public
even though yall lit rally are stuck to the hip and he does things that he doesnt even think hes doing but he is totally doing
you were only caught by,,, guess who
mrs iwaizumi
it was weeks when she met up with mrs oikawa bc theyre totally best friends and thats why their sons are best friends
she told her of her son’s girlfriend and how sweet you were and how mrs oikawa should be jealous that her son doesnt have a girlfriend like that and the standards for oikawa’s future girlfriend was raised just by that teasing
oikawa literally came into after school practice after a phone call with his mother, fuming
you were talking to kindaichi and yahaba with iwa beside you, arm around your waist totally not obvious guys
and yall just saw an angry oikawa stomping towards yall
‘y/n-chan, iwa-chan, why the hell did my mom just call me and tell me that im not allowed to bring home a girl if she doesnt have h/c with s/c (skin color) and e/c and h/m (height measurement)?’
you shrugged
‘oikawa-san, i’ve never even met your mom before’
but iwa had a hunch
‘ahh,,,, my mom mustve been bragging to your mom. yanno how they are’
oikawa shot him a disbelieving look
‘IWA-CHAN! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND I DONT! BUT ITS WORSE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AFFECTING MY FUTURE ONE!’
he ranted, completely unaware that he just outed your entire relationship to the team
tbh they werent even surprised
like they were all ‘damn now shes taken. but cant say i didnt see that coming’
they took it pretty well too
they know how iwa is and they literally respect this mans and if anything, out of the whole team, he is the best candidate for your boyfriend
dating iwa is totally normal and yall just have increased touches?? like i dont know how to explain like he’s constantly holding your hand or arm around your waist or shoulder etc
literally nothing changed
you still have dinners at his house and iwa also knows your family and all that
and the most important thing is,
he kept that promise
even when he was literally at the other side of the world,
he still remained yours and you kept your own promise and waited patiently for his return
OOOOO TIMESKIP IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER
a little girl with bouncing dark brown hair was giggling as she maneuvered herself around the tall people
a shout from her parents and little sister was only making her run faster until she crashed into the legs of the person she’s been looking for
his blue jersey was similar to hers and she raised her arms up with a bright smile
‘uncle!’
she yelled and he chuckled before hoisting her up to his arms
‘ah, reyna-chan, didnt mom and dad tell you to wait for them? look! tala-chan is crying because you left her’
she followed his finger to her little sister, who was in her father’s arms, crying and reaching out for her
‘nee-chan!’
she screeched
finally, her parents were there and you were scolding her for running off
‘reyna, just dont do that again’
you said and she nodded, pouting and holding her uncle’s thumb
‘thank you, tooru-san. i dont know what i would do if she got lost’
oikawa grinned then gently patted the hat-covered head of the newborn baby girl that was strapped to your chest
‘hehe, its okay, y/n-chan. after all! uncle is always there to save reyna-chan!’
she shrieked when he held her up and hajime shook his head in his antics
‘where’s the others? i saw them in the stands but-’
he was cut off when he heard the shouts and yells from the other side that could only belong to your boys
‘woooo!!!!’
kindaichi’s voice echoed through the place and mattsuhana were rushing to greet their goddaughters
tala shyly accepted the arms of mattsun while makki was squealing quietly when darna was holding his finger tightly as she slept
‘taka-san, wanna hold her? she’s easier to hold when she’s sleeping’
‘oh can i?’
his eyes held the stars as the 11-month-old raised her fist then lowered it back down, sleep still heavy on her
‘waaa~ darna-chan is growing really quickly’
kunimi whispered, peering over his senpai to look at the baby whos eyes kept fluttering
you chuckled while looking at oikawa and him playfully bouncing reyna
‘tooru-san, congratulations on your win. it seems you’ve beaten hajime this time’
you complimented and the brunette smiled brightly at you, adjusting the little girls in his arms
‘ei, y/n-chan, i’ll beat him next time, and next time and the next time!’
every time he said ‘next’ he gave his goddaughter a kiss on her cheek making her giggle
your husband was pouting at the reminder of japan’s loss and you reached over to wrap your arms around him causing hajime to turn his head away from you
‘aww, my 4th baby is sad now’
you cooed and cupped his face delicately on your hands making him sulk and whine
the others, watching the scene, continue to be surprised at this side of their captain that remains to only be caused by you
‘ugh, nearly a decade later and theyre still sappy’
yahaba gagged and watari slapped his back
‘let them be happy’
‘come on! im in the mood for spaghetti! you like spaghetti, tala-chan?’
‘eung!’
mattsun cheered with kindaichi and she raised her hands to share the same energy
once everyone was situated in a restaurant and ordered, small talks were shared around the table of the past
‘haha, spaghetti is how your baba found out about you, tala-chan’
yahaba’s comment made the walking group laugh at the memory of seeing the video you sent in the seijoh group chat
‘i wanted to be creative with my second child since my firstborn was revealed by this loudmouth’
oikawa winced at the indirect diss at him
‘y/n-chan! i was really excited to find out i was going to be an uncle!’
‘youre already an uncle, bakakawa!’
hajime has toned down the insults to keep it pg for the children
‘but-!’
they started to argue, the oldest daughter looking disinterested as she sees this happening or hearing it whenever her dad and uncle video chat
‘it took me forever to find a ‘prego’ pasta sauce in the grocery store like i dont know why. was there a shortage?’
you complained, remembering the frustration
your fellow first years snickered at you and kindaichi prodded fun at you
‘is that why you just outright told him you were pregnant the day you found out?’
you rolled your eyes and watched makki and mattsun and tala watch the youngest as she wiggled her fists in the air and was awake enough to babble ‘makki’ over and over again
that was her first word and although she is now able to say a few words, she still repeats her first word over and over again
‘we had a fight and it just came out so of course i didnt have time to prepare!’
you defended and hajime finished his antics with oikawa just as you said that
‘what-what was your words again? ‘i really want to push you off the roof right now but i want my baby to meet their bastard father first?’‘
you gasped at that regretful statement and punched him in the arm
‘hajime! stop!’
you whined and covered your face with the sleeves of your his hoodie
‘hehe, y/n, you should do that again’
kyotani teased and you glared at him
‘shut up kyotani’
eyebrows were raised
‘eh? are you more hormonal?’
‘do you realize you already have 3 daughters?’
‘iwaizumi-san really wants to have a volleyball team family’
‘at least wait a year and a half, you animals’
‘so,, like hes that good huh?’
hajime growled and leaned over to intimidate but you snarled and jumped on your feet, being held back by the arms by kindaichi and hajime to stop yourself from leaping across the table to kill yahaba
‘keep talking like shite and i’ll make sure none of you become the godfather of this baby’
okay what
one, did you just curse
and two, this baby?!
‘im big sister again?!’
reyna ruined the surprised silence and then chaos ensued
‘WHAT!’
‘BABY?!’
‘THIS BABY?!’
you just realized what you said and smirked at the chaos you created and sat back down, leaning on the back of the chair and smugly taking a sip of your water
‘oh the power i hold in my hands’
you teased and oikawa pointed at you
‘when! how long!’
you looked at hajime who was so shocked that his eyes glazed over and a passerby wouldve thought he was dead
‘apparently 3 months’
oikawa started counting and his eyes widened at that thought
‘you-! you stayed in argentina! in my house! my house-!’
‘yep. both of them created under your house’
what
!!!!!
hajime fainted
oikawa screamed
a/n: okay i admit i got a little too carried away with this one. i just love filo!iwa and this was mostly written in his pov bc cmon we all know we love iwa and fell in love w him the moment we saw him
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu!! imagines#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu!! headcanons#aoba johsai#aoba johsai x reader#aoba josai x reader#aoba josai#seijoh#aoba johsai imagines#aoba josai imagines#seijoh imagines#seijoh manager#haikyuu manager#haikyuu!! manager#aoba johsai manager#aoba josai manager#seijoh x reader#aoba johsai headcanons#aoba josai headcanons#seijoh headcanons#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu!! fluff#aoba johsai fluff#aoba josai fluff#seijoh fluff
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5 ships I hate, why I hate them, how to (kinda) fix them, the better ships you should be doing in that universe, and why you should ignore me and keep writing them if it makes you happy.
Note: this is done for amusement, please don’t be offended; I’m not attacking your ship, I’m just listing some ships I do not always care for, and how I think they could be improved, and maybe made brilliant, by clever writing.
In no particular order, and focusing on ships that often annoy me, with no attempt by me to say anything meaningful or popular about the current state of any particular fandom. I’m also a firm believer in the idea that there’s no such thing as a bad ship, only a badly executed ship, so my objections to these is less a dislike of shipping, or the paring, and more that they raise writing issues that I think are difficult to fix in a satisfying way. That’s why in a lot of the examples below I prefer AU ships to ones that try to messily work it into the cannon. Anyway, enjoy... I guess?
Marco x / anyone (Animorphs)
Why I hate it: Animrophs is an intensely character-driven story, where the tension of each book comes from the conflicts, external and internal, that the five Animrophs (and Ax) face during a long, hard, traumatic war. And while several of the character are paired off romantically, it’s always to emphasise character conflict over their different points of view. Jake and Cassie are a pair because Jake’s struggle with having to make hard, grey, morally ambiguous choices as leader is highlighted by Cassie’s burning need to make the right choice, the lesser evil, the choice that leaves some small shred of humanity and dignity and kindness left in this bleak world. Tobias and Rachel are a pair as their arcs deal with literal and figurative loss of humanity, as the slow accumulation of trauma over time turns these happy(ish), normal kids into psychologically ruined husks of their former selves and destroys them slowly, one fight at a time.
Marco’s arc, isn’t about either of these things: Marco’s arc, is about the bright, clear line between A and B, between problem and solution. Marco is a utilitarian, a pragmatist: his concern isn’t the burden of leadership, or the cost of the decision, but about how to put that all aside and make hard decisions that actually work regardless of cost. It’s not about what to do, the path is obvious: the bright, clear line of ruthless logic, but how to do it. His match, his counterpoint, the other character who’s all about the logic of taking awful decision in a way that actually works for the team, and his foil, his female counterpart in this, is not a romantic partner, but his mother: Visser one, making the exact same hard, difficulty ruthless decisions using logic and maths, but for the other side of this war. A romantic paring gets in the way of this arc because a partner doesn’t help him with that bright, clear line, and worse, any attempt to pair him of with either Rachel or Cassie breaks up not only a cannon paring, but their respective character arc.
How to (kinda) fix this: Marco’s arc is, at the end of the day, a trolly problem. So make sure whoever you ship him with is one of the people tied to the tracks. Introduce a character he crushes on, and then in the second act reveal that they are either a Controller, or in the family of a Controller or the proximity of the target of their next mission in a way that will make them collateral damage ,and let Marco struggle with what happens when that bright, clear logical line from A to B cuts through someone he actually loves; you know, like it did with his mother. See, even trying to fix this ship is weirdly Freudian.
The far better ship you should be doing: Ax x / EVERYONE. Ax in human form is described as a worryingly pretty, worryingly androgynous male of indeterminate race. He is a literally Bishonen alien hedonist with no familiarity with human senses, poor impulse control in human form, and no knowledge or understanding of human courtship rituals, and he can shape-shift, including into other members of the core team if needed to compel a mission, he calls Jake his prince, and he is incredibly close to Tobias, the lonely outcast woobie that the LGBT fans adopted as their poster boy. Come on, the potential for shipping, both with wacky hijinks and sad, tragic star-crossed lovers’ trope is endless. Every line dedicated to Marco shipping is a line of text that could be dedicated to Ax trying to eat a Cinnabon erotically on his first date as a human and hulking out mid way because he forgot just how good they are. What could be better than him leaning into to erotically kiss a team-mate, and then fucking up due to his failure to understand human mouths, making weird mouth sounds, and then licking crumbs of the table in the middle of the mall, in front of the entire school, while his crush awkwardly tried to pretend this is normal? What’s wrong with you Marco-shipper people, do you hate fun?
Riz/Tem (beastars) Why I hate this ship: Okay, just to quickly ask a question, to people who un-ironically like this as a serious ship and not a dark joke, just one little question: What’s wrong with you? I mean,are you okay? Keep taking the meds: the show is VERY clear on that point.
It’s like those people who say Joker X Harley Quinn is their ideal dark, edgy relationship: no it’s not, it’s abusive! Morticia x Gomez is dark and cool but CONSENTUAL and HEALTHY. This… this is a deeply imbalanced person murdering someone and telling themselves after that fact it was special and rare and magical. ITS HOMICIDE! And even if you write that out (and you shouldn’t, because that changes the character arc of every other major character) it’s still got more red flags that a soviet military parade. This is the botulinum of a toxic, one-sided teenage infatuation. Riz’s entire arc is about how he projects his thoughts and feelings about himself onto this idealised, made-up version of his and Tem’s relationship which, from Tem’s point of view, never existed. Riz never loved Tem: he loved the idea of Tem, the idea that someone would see the real him, see his inner pain and accept him anyway, but he never once told Tem this. He didn’t warn him “Hey, because of you I don’t feel I need my meds any more, do you mind if I try not taking them and we can meet and talk about this in a safe, well-lit pace?” He’s not honest with Tem, and on top of that It doesn’t make sense from the point of view of either of the characters for them to be actually, romantically in love (although they were clearly close friends), because it undermines and cheepens Riz desire to just be seen and accepted for his real self, and the cannon Tem X Els ship. It also doesn’t make sense from a story point of view: Riz is a shadow archetype for Legosi. He’s what Legosi would have become if someone hadn’t interrupted his attack on Haru. That’s why Legosi needs to beat Riz with his own hands: because then he’s beating the darker version of himself he’s been carrying with him, and he can finally move on with Haru guilt-free. Having Riz and Tem’s relationship actually be what Riz imagined it to be undoes that. It undoes Riz’s interesting, dark inner struggle between truth and fantasy, it turns Tem’s tragic, unsolved murder that sets the entire story in motion into a just sort of weird Romeo-and Juliet suicide. It’s ruins the character arc not only for Riz, but for Legosi, and also, by extension, Louis and Haru, because Legosi’s internal angst over whether or not herbivores and carnivores can have a relationship as true friends needs this example of a tragic, flawed, toxic, failed friendship to bounce off of.
How it could (sort of) work: an AU where Riz’s attack on Tem is interrupted and Tem lives with a slight arm injury, and doesn’t tell anyone out of his complex feelings for Riz. Meanwhile, that bunny girl from the gardening club had been brutally devoured and Rz and/or Tem are so horrified with how close this was to their own near-miss, they start to investigate the murder, and in doing so get caught up in Louis’ inner struggle. Because that’s how the story needs to work, it’s about duality and struggle: and if Riz takes Legosi’s role, and by dating a herbivore he de facto takes the role, so Legosi must take Riz’s. This could be a great AU!
The better ship you should be doing: Pina/Riz (with a dash of Pina x Els), no, seriously, I’m not shitposting. You want to give Riz a redemption arc with a cute woolly boy? How about a story where Pina, out of a need for closure about at happened to him, starts to visit Riz in jail and they talk, mockingly at first, confrontational at first, but later Pina slowly becoming more fascinated in Riz and Tem’s life and asking Riz for more and more detail until they both bond over their shared traumatic experiences and their sense of loss for Tem’s senseless death, Tem’s unfished life casting a shadow over both off them. Eventually, the two of them find, from Legosi who still has the diary, that Tem had planned out an elaborate and beautiful first date with Els that he never got to take her on, and Riz, guilt ridden and sad than Tem never got this beautiful moment, decides to ask Pina take her on that date for Tem, with Riz coaching him by phone cyano-de-Bergerac style, Riz finally getting some closure that he helped one of Tem’s wishes come true and finally acknowledging to himself that Tem had a life and loves outside of him that were cut of short by his actions, and just crying over his lost friend, as Pina and Els slow-dance in Tem memory. Or if you just want to see Tem awkwardly date a carnivore boy from school, why not something less creepy and more wholesome and ship him with Jack? That would be cute AF, and more importantly, not romanticize brutal murder. Or an AU where everything is happy and nice, I’d argue at that it’s no longer Beastars at that point, but if it makes you happy, go for it. Let’s not shame anyone here.
Snape X Lilly (Harry Potter)
Why I hate this ship: honestly, it’s not for the reason you think; I just like Snape too much as a tragic character, and making him in any way happy destroys his arc in my opinion. The objection’s others have raised: that Snape acts in a worryingly possessive stalker-ish way towards Lilly, and that if Voldemort had gone for Nevil rather than Harry as a child Snape would have remained a loyal death eater, are true and I acknowledge them as having some validity, but that’s not why I can’t stand this ship. Snape is supposed to be a morally and emotionally complex, tragic figure. That “After all this time?” line was the best line in the Deathly Hallows. Snape is supposed to show the equality destructive and redemptive power of love. It’s sort of trinity: Lilly shows the pure power of true, unconditional love in her sacrifice to save Harry, Voldy shows what self-destruction and cruelty a life without understanding love leads to, and Snape sits somewhere in the middle: his one-sided un-requited love being both the cause of his darkest, and his greatest actions. His curse, and his redemption, fall and rise. Making him happy messes that up.
How to (kinda) fix this ship: make them miserable. Make them fall for each-other only to be pulled apart by circumstance (you know, like they were in the darn original source material). You’re serious about making this a tragic, dark romance? Don’t ship them when they’re at school: Ship them during Voldemort’s rise to power, in the 80’s, after Lilly is married. Have the original Order of the Phoenix send her to meet with Snape and use their previous relation to try to milk some information out of him. Have her feel conflicted about it, have James furious about it, but have her do it anyway for the greater good. Have her meet up secretly with Snape who is angry and distrustful, knowing his must be a trap, and talk. Have the relationship slowly build over time against the backdrop of a cold-war spy thriller, as Lilly slowly realizes that she has some lingering feelings for Snape, but can’t reconcile them her loyalty to the order and her family. Make this a love story of conflicted feelings, divided loyalties, and spy-work against the background of drawing war-clouds. Have Snape offer to leave Voldemort, if she’ll leave the Order, and run away with him, but by that point she knows she’s pregnant and chooses to stay, out of loyalty even though she’s crushing on Snape. Have him show up at the rendezvous expecting for her to be there only for James to lead an Order Ambush, and a fight to ensure, on top of Tower Bridge in the howling wind and rain, Snape surviving but having his spirit crushed and fleeing before Lilly can tell him her true feelings. Make it big, and melodramatic, but above all, make it tragic. Because that’s the only way Snape works as a character. Always.
The better ship you should be doing: Ginny X Nevil or Luna x Nevil: You want tragic lovers, at school, with divided loyalties, who never get together in the main cannon because a Potter ruins it and gets the girl? Ginny X Nevil. Write what was happening that final year Harry wasn’t at school when they took Dumbledore’s Army and make it work in earnest. Heck, you could even have Snape, as headmaster, hated by them but secretly trying to protect them as a secondary character to their secret, forbidden love. You don’t want to break up Harry X Ginny? Luna X Nevil is sweet and wholesome, but also tragic as they never get a chance, having their school life taken over by the horror of that final year and the need to fight for their very souls in a school run by Death Eaters and the trauma of the Battle of Hogwarts meaning that in order to put away the past and move on, they need to leave each other behind. Hell, do an AU where they canonically end up together, why not? They deserve happiness.
Dean / Sam AKA Wincest (Supernatural)
Why I hate this ship: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. Several times.
How you could (sort of) fix this ship: You can’t: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. I guess a body-swap arc could fix this, as it’s less squicky if its just their bodies with someone else’s minds, but seriously, the reasons why this shouldn’t exist are extensively covered in the show, and it was hilarious. To be honest, I don’t hate this ship done as a joke, but I have seen some dark spots on the internet, and I can say with all honesty it’s not always treated as a joke. Some folks are really invested in this, and all I can ask is, is your home life okay?
Now, done as a joke, I’m 110% behind this. This is exactly the sort of insane wacky bullshit that makes for a good crack-fic. For example imagine that the supernatural threat of the week was book that made anything written in it come true, and the brothers are trying to find and destroy it, but they keep getting distracted by their burgeoning romantic feelings for each-other, and suddenly realise that the owner of the book is a fan on the in-universe novels, and writing slash-fic in the book. They need to find the writer before they make them do something they’ll both regret, but it’s just so distracting when Sam’s beautiful eyes are right there and- dammit, Sam, it’s happening again! Make Sam less concerned and even a little amused, with it, but make Dean hate what’s going on. Especially when the writer’s description suddenly makes Sam noticeably better hung that him. Make the villain turn out to be Becky from “Sympathy for the devil” and end with them trying to take the book away as she writes frantically to force them to do her bidding, and you’ve got yourself a good fic.
The better ship you should be doing: Cas/Sam or Cas/Dean or Cas/Sam AND Dean fic. Duh. Once again the show-runners beat the fans to the mark and pointed out that this is the best ship, and then they took it away just to fuck with us.
Any Katniss ship that ignores her obsession with Emotional Security Logic. (The Hunger Games)
Why I hate these ships: Katniss is, briefly put, a mess before the books ever start, her father’s death and harsh upbringing have arguably given her PTSD before she ever volunteers for the reaping, and it doesn’t get better from there. In psychology, Emotional Security Theory (EST) is a hypothesis that the heightened emotions surrounding repeated violent exposures leaves children vulnerable to dysregulated distress responses and eventual psychopathology, aka, why Kat be so messed up. Her internal monologue makes the books completely clear that her choice in partners is not motivated by normal affections, but by deep, deep fear. A fear of loss, abandonment and death that leads her to make every decision about what minimises her, and her sister’s, exposure to potential physical and emotional harm. It’s frantic, fraught, cold survivalist thinking. And the other characters in the book notice and acknowledge it! “Which of us will she pick?” “She’ll pick whoever she can’t survive without.” Kat doesn’t like herself for it, but she does eventually admit to herself that she makes her decisions like this.
How do we fix this ship: Ship Kat with whoever you like, but give her a good reason to pick them: and in Kat’s mind “A good reason” is based on Emotional Security Logic, she needs to have a pressing reason why this ship makes her and her sister safer. Do that, and you’ve got yourself a good Katniss story. Don’t do that, and while you may or may not have a good story, the person staring in it isn’t Katniss Everdeen anymore.
The better ship you should be writing: Finick X Annie. Or, Haymitch prequel ships
FinAnn. This, this ship has some real potential to it, and is criminally underutilized. Finick and Annie’s relationship is one of the most tragic and romantic in the story, and has so much to offer. Or, if you want to have a hard-bitten character from district 12 struggling with trying to find love in the hellish combat of the games, do a prequel in which Haymitch finds love in the capitol during training, but loses then in the area and turns to drink as a result. Heck, you could even have some fun with this and turn it into a dark comedy, or a great tragic love story, whatever you like. It’s got potential, and his backstory is vague enough you could do a lot with it.
So, tell me below why I’m wrong, and have fun with your writing: just because I hate that ship doesn’t mean you should. Enjoy yourselves.
I’m off to write awful Ax/Pina/Luna Polyjuice’d into Nevil/Cas/Finick fiction set at an anime high-school that fights a magical war against other fictional schools, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
#Shipping#Ships i don't like#animorphs#beastars#harry potter#supernatural#hunger games#im wrong so tell me#i ship bad things#you like what you like#lets not judge#Unless you ship Bellatrix and Hermione that’s just wrong#and you should feel bad#but not as bad as me#riz/tem#snape/lilly#sam/dean#No such thing as a bad ship#enjoy your fics#i can't spell for shit so the edit history on this will change every 10 seconds as i spot typos sorry
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[This is long and Im sorry, but it's your fault for being such an incredible writer, SO LEMME SPREAD MY ANGER 😖]
So I just read Darknets ch. 2 and BISH!!!!
I just... where do I begin 😭
I honestly cannot see how anyone can say that they hate Polarity!JK MORE than they hate Darknets!JK. And this is coming from someone who SEVERELY hates that skirt loving trash (yet absolutely loves how his character was written lol). Emotional manipulation is such a cruel thing, and I hate how comfortable P!Jk is with destroying his y/n's mental health and life as she knew it - all for the sake of making her attached to him. He feigns it under wanting the best for her and "love" while disregarding the real her and her true feelings. This man would rather break this girl completely and build her into something he molds instead of just having something natural & real - which would've probably taken a long while w/ how bad her anxiety is, but definitely could've been possible and better w/ how smart he is. So by all means, I am NOT defending this sadly neglected yet manipulative 개새끼. 😤
But DARKNETS!JK?? Oh. Honey. This Jungkook is on another level. We barely know this one, but I think we know enough??
We knew he was twisted. He's a stalker. A pervert. A kidnapper. Is a fudging human trafficker. And honestly, that should've been enough. Yet what have we learned from Ch. 2?
He's also: demented. Physically abusive. Mentally abusive in a much different way than P!Jk. I mean, that ending scene with the guns was *chef's kiss* in the way it was brilliantly executed 🔥, yet also made my blood boil. 😖 It's the way that even tho the girls' guns were unloaded, his still could've been. 😩 This man finds joy in the pain he brings. And maybe it's because we haven't seen P!JK's y/n push his limit and make him full of anger to know just what all he's capable of, but so far, he's not physically abusive? He doesn't even want his y/n to harm herself, and - oddly enough - doesn't like seeing her sad or treated like ish (even tho he manages to make her sad & feel bad about herself effortlessly all the time by opening his mou- gosh, I really despise this mf 😒).
TL/DR, both of these characters would make really shxtty people irl, and I seriously dislike both of them. But I just feel like- if I'm going to be forced to live life dealing w/ an abusive man who's too far gone for saving and the only shred of happiness I'll ever have will be via the stockholm syndrome I develop as a result or from the delusion of favoritism that's really just obsession.... then out of the two, P!JK is the one I'd rather deal with. And I have Darknets! Y/N's lack of patience & temper, yet Polarity! Y/N's social anxiety, so idk how I'd do in either of this universes 🙃🙃 But yeah, thank you for blessing us w/ your amazing writing, and looking forward to more of both of these addicting series! ⭐⭐⭐ Wishing you the best w/ school, and hoping 2022 is kind to you. 🌻🌻
Hi babes! 💕💕Sorry I took a while to answer , my inbox is overflowing rn
I love your analysis on both darknets jk and polarity jk! They are indeed horrible in very different ways. I can see why you dislike darkners jk more, he is definitely more easy to hate due to his profession and overall aggressive demeanor. Not to mention the literal kidnapping 😬
Polarity jk is indeed more complex, I’ve read how a lot of you guys are conflicted at times with him and that’s really what his character is about! To some he’s an obvious red flag and manipulator but to others he does bring that validation some people would find comfort in on how handles the MC’s mental disorder. It’s a very dangerous dynamic nonetheless.
Haha I like how you said you have darknets MC’s temper but Poalrity MC’s anxiety, I’m kinda the same so it would be hard to choose how well I’d do in either universe
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and enjoying my stories babe! I really enjoy reading your opinions and analysis on the characters 💕💕 I hope 2022 treats you well too! Take care ! 🥰🥰🙏🙏
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About that last Cass meta, I wanted to correct or elaborate on something I realized in hindsight lends the wrong impression. This happens a lot with me, especially the longer a post gets, because I’m just trying to cram SO MUCH stuff in a post as is that I leave stuff by the wayside, and it typically tends to be the stuff I think is so matter-of-factly obvious to me personally, that in the moment it seems to be the most obvious thing TO leave out, as I instinctively think of it as the thing most people would figure out or connect the dots on themselves. Most of my posts I tend to write stream of consciousness as though I’m literally just speaking to anyone who follows me, and aren’t like, made with either the intention of gaining new followers or even REACHING people who don’t follow me, so like, just because I’m thinking ‘oh anyone who follows me would already know I think this’ like....that isn’t a valid assumption to make about anyone who just might read a particular post. And like, this isn’t reasonable on my part and does tend to lead to a lot of misunderstandings. So.....that’s a thing and its also a mea culpa.
In this particular case, the thing I need to elaborate on is my stance on how Cass is written speaking. When I spoke of the racist tropes I think are evident in a number of Cass’ depictions, even if unintentionally, this was NOT meant to reference or invalidate peoples’ conscious choice to make Cass have trouble with the spoken word due to various disabilities that might stem from the way her brain’s very wiring has been messed with in her backstory and appearances.
Writing Cass as disabled and having various speech impediments or trouble translating her thoughts into speech for neurological reasons is one hundred percent valid, and I should have used more nuance when describing my issue there. Personally, I tend to write her as being dyslexic and having aphasia, but she hasn’t had a specific speech or learning disability NAMED in canon as far as I’m aware, and there’s plenty that could feasibly apply.
But what I was talking about specifically is like......for instance, some people write Cass as struggling with ENGLISH, specifically, but fluent in not just sign....but say, Cantonese or another Chinese dialect as well. This is when red flags go up for me because I’m like, hmm, that’s an interesting choice that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with story logic, because see, Cassandra’s only issues with language are due to something that affects her equally with ALL languages. She only BEGAN learning languages not long after her first appearances, and the barrier that kept her from doing so previously like.....it went down in regards to ALL languages at the exact same time.
So while it definitely is reasonable to have Cass being more comfortable signing than speaking out loud due to the fact that she prioritized learning sign language first, is less familiar and thus potentially comfortable with being part of spoken and verbal conversations period, and perhaps depending on what specific speech or neurological disabilities you write her as having is physiologically more adept at translating her thoughts into sign language without any trouble than she is selecting verbal words......what DOESN’T make sense is Cass having somehow picked up Chinese over the past several in-universe years, but its English specifically she struggles with and has a barrier conversing with her siblings in it. THAT specifically is where I would say hey maybe if this is a choice you’ve made in your own writing, this is one where you should look at what made you make that choice and second guess it like mmmm what WAS I thinking there precisely, and was that thought something I want to stand by, upon reflection.
Similarly......there is a certain WAY that people go about writing Cass struggling with speech that raises red flags for me......and that’s when they write Cass speaking the broken English I referred to specifically in that post, as in, the way Hollywood depicts caricatures of Chinese characters speaking non-fluent English. There’s a very familiar and evident cadence to that, which I believe a lot of people simply default to when writing an Asian character who has speech issues, but again, this is something that you should probably subject to more self-scrutiny. Because a Cass who has speech issues due to a neurological disability is going to display those issues in a fairly consistent way no matter how long its been since she started learning whatever language it is she’s speaking, albeit with some variance that accounts for workarounds she might have developed or learned to compensate for any issues she has there. But what she’s not going to do, IMO, is perpetually speak English in a cadence that lends the impression that she’s just not familiar with the language or struggles learning it or just hasn’t become proficient with it regardless of however many years she’s supposedly been learning or using it at this point. I’ve heard a lot of people with various speech or neurological disorders speak, but personally? I’ve never heard someone speak with a speech or neurological disorder that manifests in them speaking like a racist caricature of a Chinese character according to Hollywood depictions. THAT, specifically, is my issue there.
(And related, my reference to Cass being as much a genius as anyone in her family in that last post was meant to specifically highlight how well and how quickly Cass DOES adapt to a society she was not at all raised to be a part of, once she’s given resources and support in order to enable her to do so. Cass picks things up with TREMENDOUS speed in the comics, and so part of my ire about that last trope in particular is how often I come across fics where by their DEPICTION of Cass’ speech issues, it seems a lot more like she just hasn’t become fluent in English yet. And although its of course true that she had a very late start, if she’s been a member of the family for years at this point in your fic and you’re not bringing up any specific speech or learning disability affecting her ability to learn English, and thus it basically looks like despite years of practice Cass simply hasn’t managed to attain enough of a command of this particular language to comfortably converse in it with her family.....that’s when I go scrunchy-eyebrowed. Because like I said, Cass is SMART and she picks things up damn fast, and without any other explanation provided in narrative for why she’s struggling here specifically, I AM going to draw my own conclusions about why you’re writing her speech the way you are, and you probably aren’t gonna like my conclusions but that’s really more of a you problem at that point, IMO).
And finally, I think but don’t quote me on that, I’m a mind changer, I change my mind a lot......the last issue I have where I see red flags go up when it comes to Cass and communication is when Cass is struggling with speaking English but without direct reference made to her doing so because of a specific speech or learning disability....and at the same time, the author of the fic shows no acknowledgment of any other character’s disability or any desire or intention to depict any of the other characters with some canon disability or another as actually disabled. I’m not gonna lie, although Babs is able-bodied in canon at the moment, if someone’s writing Babs that way while writing a Cass that seems plucked out of pre-Flashpoint continuity rather than based specifically in her Batman and Robin Eternal origin......I’m not gonna be all that inclined to give the author the benefit of the doubt there and assume their depiction of Cass’ speech issues is due to an actual desire to write her as disability rep. I mean, it could be that I’m wrong and they are! I don’t actually know! I’ve been wrong before, I’ll be wrong again, either way the world WILL go on! I’m just saying it like it is.....point blank, if there’s no sign of a single other disabled character in your work and Cass just so happens to visibly struggle with speaking English, I’m just not gonna automatically assume its because you’re writing her as disabled rather than just writing her while racist. And if you ever do end up called out for that and its only after the fact that you suddenly seem to backpedal and insist you were just writing her as disabled all along, my skepticism, it will still abound. *Shrugs* It just is what it is. Do with that what you will. Literally just like, my opinion dude.
But anyway! That is the nuance I should have included at that part in my already behemoth-esque post but didn’t, but that is very much a mea culpa and so please take this as a wholly necessary post script. Disabled Cass one hundred percent has my support and I should have been more conscious about implying otherwise, no matter the point I was trying to raise at the moment there.
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On Supergirl
Figured I should put up my thoughts about Kara in the wake of her first film appearance being announced, and the final season of her TV show fast approaching. Short version is: Kara is very cool and DC needs to stop messing with her.
My Introduction to Kara
I was introduced to Kara the way most millennials/Gen Zers were I imagine, via the Loeb Superman/Batman arc which brought the traditional Kara Zor-El Supergirl take into Post-Crisis continuity, after years of DC attempting to have a “Supergirl” without violating the editorial mandate that Kal needed to be the literal “Last Son of Krypton” (an example of one of the dumb ways DC fucked Kara over). Story goes that one day Dan Didio was in line at the Superman ride at Six Flags (I love that ride even though it’s stolen my glasses every time I’ve ridden it, even when I left them in a locker!). The ride had signs that talked about various Superman characters. Didio was reading the entry for Supergirl where it talked about her not being Clark’s cousin but instead some weird merge of alien shapeshifter, angel, and human girl, and he realized how fucking stupid that was, and he went back to the office and told Loeb to bring Kara back.
Years later I would also be standing in line at the Six Flags Superman ride (probably at a different park location but who knows?) as a youngster and would read the new Supergirl sign that trumpeted that Superman had a cousin who shared all his powers, an update reflecting the new Loeb origin. I thought she sounded pretty cool, made a note to see if my library had any Supergirl stories next time I visited, then got on the Superman ride and promptly lost my glasses like an idiot because I wanted to take them off while I was riding and pretend I was changing from my “disguise” into Superman mid flight. My dad grounded me for this afterwards, but it gave me a funny story to tell at family get togethers and isn’t that what Six Flags is all about?
A month later (and with spiffy new glasses), my mom dropped me off at a new library next to where she worked, and they had one of the best Superman collections I’ve ever seen to this day. I was in heaven and while reading every Superman book I could find (I couldn’t check them out because I didn’t have a card, my mom’s card didn’t cover the area the library was in, and my mom wouldn’t have checked them out anyway since comics were “too violent”), I found the trade collecting Kara’s new origin. I read it and I thought both she and Superman were really cool, and Batman was a punk who had to beat Darkseid by cheating, the loser. Turner’s art to my young eyes was the best I had ever seen, and the panels got engraved into my brain.
I still get downright nostalgic whenever I see Turner Superman or Supergirl stuff. I also got my parents to rent the animated movie adaption of the Superman/Batman arc from Blockbuster (remember those?), and that sealed the deal. Seeing Kara hold her own against Darkseid convinced me she was as cool as her cousin. Next time my mom dropped me off at the library next to her workplace, I went looking for Supergirl stuff to read. I found the first volume of her new volume by Joe Kelly taking place after the Loeb arc and dove in.
It was... weird. 5 years later I might have enjoyed it but at the time I was majorly put off. Kara took a secret identity for a day and then ditched it because it was “stupid” and the kids bullied her. She was always getting into fights with Kal, and there was this weird plot that I couldn’t follow about how her dad had sent her to kill Kal, maybe or maybe not? Also she could grow crystals which I thought was dumb, and said she was stronger than her cousin which I couldn’t buy for a second given he looked like he was carved out of marble, and she looked like she relied on sunlight instead of food. I put the volume back on the shelf and kinda gave up on reading the character after that for a while.
I followed her via the DC wiki updates just like I did Superman, and everything I read seemed dumb and convoluted. She was split in two, moped around a lot, made out with an alternate version of her cousin, and basically just flopped about the same way the rest of the Superfamily did during the 00s. Nothing made me think I had made a mistake dropping Kara until I read the latest update to her wiki page.
I was super into what I was reading about the Busiek/Johns era of Superman online. Lex was back and making a big revenge scheme that involved all the other Rogues! Old Superman Rogues were getting revamped and made cool again! Johns reintroduced Brainiac and made him a big threat, with Kal and Kara teaming up to fight him! Busiek was revamping Prankster and telling big ambitious Superman stories! For the first time in a long while, the consensus on the Internet was that Superman was good again. My “home” library had zero Marvel books and no Superman or Batman books, all their DC stuff was Flash or Green Lantern, mainly written by Johns. Insane to think back on now. My hopes that because Johns was involved with Superman, Superman books would show up at my library were fulfilled. They started bringing in Busiek and Johns collections, and someone there also ordered Sterling Gates’ first volume of Supergirl, and I checked everything out since I was old enough to have my own library card, and my parents were worried more about the violent video games I was playing rather than comics.
I read everything and loved it. I also really liked Gates’ take on Kara. She was still an imperfect teenager but she wasn’t insufferably angsty or constantly fighting with Kal. She was going to give the secret identity another try and Lana had “adopted” her. It’s funny remembering how I enjoyed all that given my current thoughts on how Kara should work, but it was great at the time. I liked Gates introducing new foes for Kara, some classic Superman Rogues adapted for her like Bizzarogirl, others crafted specifically for her like Reactron. Gates’ basically rekindled my enjoyment of Kara the same way Busiek & Johns rekindled my enjoyment of Superman.
Of course it ended terribly like everything Superman-related seems to.
I’ve got a whole post I want to do about New Krypton and what came after. In short that is the most blatant example of “hitting the reset button” that I’ve ever seen. All the potential got wasted, and afterwards everything except Lex’s Action Comics stuff just didn’t appeal to me. Gates got booted off Kara for Nick Spencer who ended up leaving himself later, a promising Teen Titans line-up with Kara on it didn’t happen, and the last proper Pre-Flashpoint Superfamily story was a crappy team-up with Doomsday against Bigger Doomsday (thank God for Cornell’s final Luthor/Superman confrontation at least). When news of the reboot arrived, I was honestly happy. The Superline needed an enema.
Controversial opinion time: I liked New 52 Supergirl. It’s weird because a lot of the stuff I hated about Kelly’s run was here, and a lot of the stuff I loved about the Gates’ run was not. This was angry, moody, emotional Kara again, fighting with Kal and not fond of Earth. But I was in my teens at this point, and I didn’t want happy go-lucky Superman or Supergirl. I wanted my heroes angry, scared of the future, ready to go out there and smash some cars. Morrison’s Action Comics was 100% my jam (still is once I really understood the deeper meaning beneath the work) and this Kara felt like a natural fit for this universe. Plus we got Asrar on art and that guy made it damn pretty to look at, lots of cool science fiction stuff going on, even with the dumb H’el storyline.
I loved all the new Rogues Kara got. I loved her new Fortress under the ocean. I loved how traumatized she was by the loss of Krypton, that she wanted more than anything to go home, that her cousin was like a stranger to her since they had been apart for so long. I found all of that incredibly relatable. A lot of the New 52 Supergirl stories might have been schlock but it was my type of schlock damnit, and I enjoyed it!
I kept with her New 52 series all the way through the Red Daughter Saga (which I loved). As someone who grew up on Johns GL (since that was the only comics my home library had), seeing a Supercharacter join a Lantern Corp was the hypest thing ever. I loved the finale about Kara finally letting go of her anger and losing the ring while smashing her foe into the sun, it was incredibly cathartic for me as an angry teen myself. I finally stopped following her series sometime after since I was no longer enjoying the Superline or really DC as a whole. It wasn’t until I heard that New 52 Superman died and the “old” Superman was back, that I checked back into DC.
DC Rebirth & How I Think Kara Should Work
I did not enjoy Supergirl Rebirth, and I think I’ll talk about my problems with it alongside how I think Kara as a character should work since the two are related. A pet peeve of mine that has formed over the years is this: I don’t like it when Superfamily members get turned into Clark clones. Kon wearing glasses and going to Smallville High. Kara going to high school and being involved in journalism. Jon more or less being written as a copy of his dad personality-wise. I hate that kind of stuff because it’s boring. What’s the point of a Superfamily if everyone is just copying Clark? It also doesn’t fit the characters especially in Kara’s case. Why the hell does she want to be a journalist? Were there journalists on Krypton? I don’t remember ever seeing one! Shouldn’t she want to be, I dunno, a scientist? That seems to have been the El family tradition, wouldn’t she have been groomed for that?
This one-off by Shea is honestly the only acceptable outcome for Kara going into journalism for me. She realizes she’s just copying her cousin and switches to something she wants to do. So Orlando copying the show, which already basically turned Kara into an expy of her cousin, just did not appeal to me at all. What had worked for me under Gates way back when was not clicking for me this time. I wanted to see Kara embody the principles of the S-shield in a different way than her cousin did. So I really enjoyed when Rebirth ended and we moved into the Bendis era with Andrekyo relaunching the title as Kara in space.
Kara in space has always felt like a good fit for me. Unlike Kal I’ve come to believe that Kara really shouldn’t be all that fond of Earth. For him it’s home, but for her it’s just where she ended up after her real home got destroyed. I think Kara works well as a sort of nomad, occasionally making stops back home to Earth to check on her cousin, but otherwise? She’s more comfortable out in space than she could ever be on Earth. Out in space she can be Kryptonian (which is what she should think of herself as in contrast to Clark being torn between his Kryptonian biology and human upbringing, and Jon/Kon identifying as human), be her true self, not have to pretend to be human to fit in. Kara founding a moon refuge was one of the best ideas for her that I’ve seen, I would love if DC made her Future State refugee center on the moon canon. I’m excited for more Kara adventures in space with the upcoming Tom King story.
Also love that her and Krypto are getting tied together, if they don’t want to use Krypto in Superman’s stuff, let her have him! Bring on cosmic adventurer Supergirl!
Personality & Other Traits
Kara to me should be more hot-tempered than her cousin. All the Superfamily members should have a temper in my opinion, I see that as the “Deadly Sin” of Superman and his family. But while Kal is like a simmering pot that will explode if it’s left cooking for too long, Kara is like dynamite. Light her fuse at your own peril because she will go off on you.
I also like the idea of Kara being rash. Kal’s got a maturity that came from over a decade of having to live with Lex Luthor constantly getting away with all his evil schemes. He’s patient because he’s been forced to be. Kara? If you ask for her help she’ll give it, but beware because she doesn’t really care about the long term impacts of her decisions. She’s an invulnerable teenager after all.
Really liked that Venditti Annual where Kara got tutored in history by a reincarnation of Hawkman. Kara having a passion for history is a neat trait, would be nice to see her teach Kal or Jon some Kryptonian lore, or have her lead a Kryptonian holiday celebration for the Superfamily because she’s the only one who remembers how to do it.
Sexuality wise I know a lot of people ship Kara and Lena on account of the chemistry between the two in the show. I haven’t watched the show myself but I’m fine with making Kara bisexual, the Superfamily could use some LGBT+ rep, and Lena hasn’t done anything of worth as a villain, so undo that and throw the two together. If we’re letting Harley and Ivy get away with murder I think we can let Lena off the hook too, undo the Ultrawoman weirdness and put the two together. Could be fun seeing the two building that moon refuge together.
All in all I think Kara is a great character who is a stronger embodiment of the immigrant experience than even her cousin in some ways. I hope King does a good job with her, she’s treated better than her cousin on the film side, and that overall the 20s are a better decade for Supergirl than the 10s were.
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Conner Kent in Suicide Squad/the Infinite Frontier era: wtf is going on
Alright lads hello I just need to type out some theories/thoughts about what’s going on with my boy Kon right now. This is more for myself than anything else (just trying to organize my thoughts) but since some of y’all like to hear me talk about comics (and some of this discussion has already been happenin in my inbox) I figured i’d format it and put it on here too! its like 4k words and written over the last few days mostly at 3am. sorry <3
this is basically just me going like
Also fair warning that like, I can be wrong and misinterpret things just as much as anyone else can, like I use panels to support why I think what I do but a lot of this stuff is subjective/complicated to understand so like... in general somethings should be taken with a grain of salt, especially because exactly what changes to the universe were made by Death Metal/Infinite Frontier haven’t been super super clearly defined yet. Also sometimes comic writers make the most random nonsensical shit happen, so I as a fan am also allowed to theorize about random nonsensical shit.
But to start: let’s backtrack!
Many months ago when Infinite Frontier was first announced they dropped some promotional art, and I remember being a little confused because. Well:
(Variant Cover spread for Justice League (2018) #59)
(Variant Cover spread for Superman (2018) #29)
Notice how Conner is back to his Teen Titans 2003 look up top, but in his YJ 2019 look at the bottom? This seemed weird to me! But then they announced that Conner would be part of the Suicide Squad ongoing title, in the T-shirt look, so I wrote this discrepancy off in my brain as ‘oh I guess that cover was just the last hurrah for punk Kon’ and moved on with life.
In Suicide Squad right away we learn he’s very much so there against his will:
(Suicide Squad (2021) #1)
Which corroborates more or less what we were also shown in Future State: Suicide Squad, although admittedly it tells... a slightly different version of the events. When I first saw both of these together I just chalked it up to being a bit inaccurate as it’s shown as a memory in Future State:
(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)
Issue 2 we saw him in action with the Squad, trying to do his best to still be a hero despite the team, but things get a little more interesting in the following issue. It starts off with an account of his history
(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)
This page gave me a few immediate red flags, mostly minor things that had to do with coloring, so more irl problems than things to take seriously in-universe (Kon’s pants are the wrong color in the first Superboy shot, and Bart’s Impulse costume is in Kid Flash colors instead of the correct Impulse ones) but then also it just bugged me the phrasing “he joined Young Justice” when he was a founder of the team, he didn’t join it he made it with Tim and Bart.
But again, chalked that stuff up to just.... writers/artists being inconsistent/unaware of things that they should be aware of, or even Nocturna just not being specific with details. But it did still strike me as a little odd considering the very accurate use of villains in those same shots, Scavenger who was a reoccurring bad guy from Kon’s solo days and showed up basically nowhere else (even holding the Spear of Lono and everything!) and Billy/Harm (Greta’s brother) from Young Justice.
But then a few pages later we got this:
(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)
Which is interesting. My first instinct was to think he’s being drugged w kryptonite or something thats leaving him hazy/out of it, but my thoughts on that have kinda changed, we’ll get there in a bit. But in general the context of ‘something’s wrong’ made the slight discrepancies on some details of his own history make more sense.
I also want to then bring up the next part to this story, the crossover issue in Teen Titans Academy.
(Teen Titans Academy #3)
So a few things. Does it feel weird to anyone else that Conner Kent, a known previous Titan who literally has a framed picture of himself in a case there, would set off alarm sensors like that? Wouldn’t he be... recognized as a Titan not an intruder by their sensors? Interesting! Anyways.
He looks really pained looking at that picture, and sad, and almost frustrated, which ya know makes sense and hurts my heart because he misses them! He misses his friends and being happy.
But, importantly for a criticism I wanna make thats less theory related and more just me bein annoyed at Tim Sheridan, that’s a picture of Conner. Right there. That’s Superboy, on display at Teen Titans Academy, so the people who frequent this building would know who he is and what he looks like and be able to recognize him, he’s even in the same outfit and everything. Alinta recognized him at the end of Suicide Squad #3.
So why does only one person during this big fight then comment on his presence?? Why doesn’t it get a bigger reaction???
(Teen Titans Academy #3)
And after the fight we don’t see any on panel moment of Wallace going up to the staff Titans (who weren’t present for the fight) and saying like “HEY NIGHTWING UHHH SUPERBOY WAS WITH THE SUICIDE SQUAD?” we just see him talking with his friends upset about Crush leaving. We see Alinta talking to them but we don’t see the exact dialogue. So I do just wanna take the writer by the shoulders and shake him a little bit and ask WHY because that just feels like... something you’d wanna address on panel! This is like the first time since joining the squad that Kon’s at all in contact with people from his life before Waller got involved, I feel like not addressing those people’s reactions to it/not discussing it at least a little bit on panel (especially when Conner CAME UP in the previous TTA issue, Dick brought him up and everything!!!) is a really odd choice. Maybe it’ll happen next issue and i’m just impatient, but who knows. Anyways, gripes with Sheridan aside, lets move on.
I wanna bring up how Conner... doesn’t really respond to Wallace’s question? At all? Except to just fight him off, not even an attempt at a ‘Sorry’ or anything? (the ‘Ha! That all you got?!’ seems to be coming from Culebra not Conner, although the placement of the bubble is vague enough it could be that it was supposed to be Conner? but it seems more like what she’d say, especially as she’s grabbing Emiko like that) That just feels weird. It feels off. In general he speaks so little in Suicide Squad #3 and this issue. Tbh it almost feels like he doesn’t really recognize Wallace which I mean I suppose they never exactly met (they would have theoretically during Death Metal, basically all past/present Titans were together for a while during that), but Kon’s been back in existing long enough he’d have a sense of who current heroes are anyways.
But right, so, lots of little things that feel weird... that gets us caught up to the most recently released comics... but in this household we look at solicits as they drop. Which gives us some info on what’s coming up a few months ahead of time, albeit without full context obviously. Issues #4 and #5 don’t mention Conner in their descriptions or show him on the covers at all, because there’s just other plot things going on, so ya know seems things will be quiet for him for a bit.
But then we got the August solicitations and oh BOY it’s a doozey for him! And some things start to kinda connect perhaps!
I want to just take a moment to look at that specific wording. “The teen calling himself Conner Kent” I’m probably reading too much into it but that feels deliberate, like why wouldn’t you just say ‘Conner Kent’? Usually these kinds of descriptions are trying to keep a low word count, not add in extra words that don’t need to be there. It makes it feel like that’s a name he’s using that... doesn’t actually belong to him.
So the theory I want to propose (that has been floating around already) is that based on these covers and the description, and how the Conner we’ve been seeing in Suicide Squad apparently talks about his own personal history like he’s ‘reading a wikipedia entry’ and had little response to people he should be aware of like Wallace and apparently isn’t recognized as a Titan through a bio-scan and also bearing in mind those initial promo arts with two separate looks at the same time for him... I think we're looking at a situation where the Conner in Suicide Squad so far has actually been a clone of original Conner (like... like he’s Match 2.0 or somethin) the whole time, that’s just not aware he’s not the original.
Now that’s the base theory I wanna work with and build off of, but there’s MANY different directions that could go in/ways that could work.
For example, one idea is that the Conner we saw in #1 who was chained up is the original Conner, and he’s been being cloned and held captive, so everything else with Conner in Suicide Squad so far has been this Match 2.0
Another idea could be the original Conner in #1 is also the Conner in #2 who Waller had then commented wasn’t ready during the mission in Arkham and had zapped with a lil Kryptonite, and after that moment she took him off the field because his spirit hadn’t been broken enough to be obedient (as he was a lot quieter in Issue #3 & the TTA crossover compared to #2, and #3 is when the Nocturna thing with the history happened)
Or it could even be original Conner in #1, then in #2 was one clone that wasn’t ‘ready’ that after that point she stopped using him, and switched to a diff clone for #3, because like that first cover did show a LOT of clones. That could be more just ‘artistic interpretation’ or something, covers sometimes do exaggerate/mislead, but it also could indicate we’re looking at a lot of clones.
(Suicide Squad (2021) #2)
With all of those in mind I also wanna bring up this little bit from Future State Suicide Squad:
(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)
Again Future State is a ‘possible future’ so stuff from it isn’t set in stone, but the idea of ‘she still has his YJ 2019 outfit somewhere’ makes me think it could be something along the lines of like, Clone!Conner finds original Conner and frees him and he gets back his YJ outfit, which could lead to like the imagery on that variant cover/the idea from my very first part of this post where I was talking about Kon being shown in both outfits in different places.
Alternatively entirely from all that, another option is that she maybe got ahold of what was needed to clone Kon, but doesn’t even have the original Kon in her possession. (again with the Future State thing, she could be lying since elsewhere in Future State we did also see a copy of YJ 2019 Kon’s costume in one of the Jon-focused Future State comics in a display case 🤷♂️) Which could also lead to that confrontation on the variant cover & the promo art thing... and could also explain why we have seen nothing about anyone looking for him, because in that sort of scenario he wouldn’t have even been missing in the first place.
There’s a lot of possibilities! It’s still too early to solidly know anything, but I feel pretty confident we’re entering another cloning related plot with our Clone Boy so it’s... ya know. Clone time. On the one hand it’s annoying because god we have done clone/multiple Kons plots before. We’ve done them so much.
BUT on the other hand, I think it could be interesting to use this situation to tie into some older stuff from pre-reboot that I can see some connections to, because due to Infinite Frontier altering the world and people’s memories it’s all technically fair game storytelling-wise again (and like, the use of Scavenger specifically in that flashback way above, who’s not a super well known villain in general, makes me think maaaaybe the writer did do some of their Kon homework)
Something also just dawned on me that i’m not quite sure what it means but still is worth mentioning: The Conner here in Suicide Squad is back in his Teen Titans Vol. 3 outfit, and his history as he tells it stops during Teen Titans Vol. 3. And doesn’t... mention when he died? It feels like it... stopped before that, because like I feel if he was telling his life history (even the wiki version LMAO) the part where he died and came back would be pretty important to bring up?? And Nocturna specifically says that he didn’t explain how that stuff from TT Vol. 3 then led to him in his current situation. That’s a pretty big gap (like uhhh everything from resurrection until he got lost on Gemworld + all the rest of the Young Justice 2019 stuff?) So like.. there could be something funky going on here that has to do with that.
Similarly when he flashes back in Future State: Suicide Squad to his past it also goes right from Teen Titans Vol. 3 to the current Suicide Squad run? Like I get it’s one page so they can’t show that much, but the fact that there’s now two places that flash back to that same specific time period and nothing past it until the Suicide Squad feels just... noticeable! Not concretely indicative of something, but noteworthy.
(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)
Like...this almost has me thinking maybe it could be something where like, they tampered with his dead body and cloned from that? BECAUSE, for those of you who may not be familiar with how Kon’s resurrection (during Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds) worked, when he came back there was time travel involved! He was brought back to life in the future (like. Legion of Superheroes era) because it was a process that took that thousand or so years to work/heal him (essentially because of his hybrid dna the process that healed Clark when he had died back in Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen in the 90s just took a lot longer, but its the same Kryptonian healing chamber thing) meaning when he came back to the present alive again, his dead body was still also in the present just in it’s process of healing. Meaning especially if we’re bringing back stuff from before the reboot, Kon likely has his dead body just vibing out there while he’s goin around living life 🤷♂️
SO them doing something related to that could explain the choice to put him back in the T-shirt (since thats what he wore in the era his brain would be caught up to if we’re relating this to when he died) and why he’d recognize himself in a group photo with Bart, Cassie and Tim but maybe not someone like Wallace who didn’t exist back then. I don’t know, this branch of thought is still half baked. Will maybe come back and elaborate on this later. But I’m now really thinking there might be a connection to the early Teen Titans Vol. 3 era specifically because of it being referenced twice in stuff with this Suicide Squad.
ANYWAYS moving on, this is probably a shot in the dark and I only thought of it because I just was reading 90′s Superboy, but right away when thinking about ‘Amanda Waller’ and ‘Cloning Kon’ I was reminded of some stuff about the circumstances around the first clone that was made of Conner: Match.
(Superboy (1994) #35)
Match was created by an organization called ‘The Agenda’, that was after a while primarily under the control of The Contessa, Lex Luthor’s ex-wife, aided by Amanda Spence who had a personal grudge against Kon bc her dad was Paul Westfield the guy Kon was originally cloned from (before the Lex/Clark retcon). They were the big bad guys of an arc called The Evil Factory in Superboy (where Cadmus personnel got replaced with clones) which also then tied into the Sins of Youth event over in Young Justice (Remember how Match was posing as Superboy for a while there? yeah). After those plot lines finished the Agenda was pretty defeated (Amanda Spence was still out there and came back later but still) and... who got their hands on the remaining Agenda tech?
(Superboy (1994) #87)
Why none other than Amanda Waller herself!
If they re-canonized pieces of this (which also tied into Young Justice which ya know, YJ 2019 was all about re-establishing stuff from YJ even before Death Metal happened soooo) it would totally make sense for Waller to have complete access to the exact technology used to clone Conner before.
Now, a thing to consider here though is what happened to Kon after he’d been cloned that first time, where his DNA got all destabilized by the process (and he needed to go through a procedure with Roxy as a genetic template to keep him together, which was how he got stuck at age 16 for a while). This was something where he was fine for a period of time before the side effects began to kick in. Now, I think it’s worth mentioning that was also back in the days where he was not yet Lex & Clark’s clone, but still Paul Westfield’s. So there could easily be a ‘now that certain Kryptonian genes have kicked in as he got his newer powers it doesn’t destabilize him the same way’ reasoning or something along those lines to avoid this problem. Alternatively, it could be an interesting thing to embrace rather than retcon away, especially if we’ve been seeing Clone Conner in action and Original Conner hasn’t been in our focus, things could be wrong with him that we just don’t know about.
Another branch of thinking that I think is even MORE a shot in the dark but could be interesting (or again even related to what I just said, could be a combo of things) is if this somehow ended up related to those clones that were reverse engineered from the remains of Match from the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3
(Teen Titans (2003) #99)
All of them were then taken down with Kryptonite and killed in battle (by Rose & Damian)
(Teen Titans (2003) #100)
But like... idk man if Waller got her hands on those corpses or even just the data from Dr. Caligan that he extracted from Match to make them... that could also be a potential way to make some new Conner clones, and that could be why the bio-scan thing at Titans Tower wouldn’t work properly because of the thing he says above about it not being a “complete match’
One thing I don’t think is the case, but has been brought up to me, is stuff with New 52 Kon. I’ve talked extensively about New 52 Kon in recent weeks because I read through all his stuff, but the thing that makes me shy away from him being part of this situation is the fact that... he’s not interchangeable with Kon the way I think some people think he is. He wouldn’t visually be recognized as Original Kon because he is literally on a genetic level a separate person. They’d prob look related, sure, like they’d pass for brothers because they both have Clark’s DNA, but New 52 Kon has Lois’ DNA and Original Kon has Lex’s. New 52 Kon would likely look more like Jon, rather than Kon. Lois specifically commented in an Action Comics issue that Kon had some resemblance to Lex, even. So like, things like Wallace recognizing him or him looking at his own matching reflection alongside the group picture at the Tower... those wouldn’t happen the same way if this was New 52 Kon.
Now I think it coooould theoretically be possible for Waller to have gotten her hands on that future N.O.W.H.E.R.E. cloning tech that had been used to make New 52 Kon, like I wouldn’t rule that out. Because she knows where the remains of their bases are as shown in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #16-17, and like, Harvest is dead so she could easily just send teams out there to gather shit if she wanted.
Onto some other things I don’t think are actually related but that I was reminded of/wanted to address:
I feel i’d be a bad timkon fan if during all of this discussion of past stories with cloning Kon I didn’t even bring up Tim’s cloning attempt stuff, but I think it would ultimately be unrelated. His tech was stolen from Luthor, and his attempts didn’t succeed because he was trying to build from scratch without Cadmus’ the data about how they altered the DNA from the original process.
(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #34)
Then that initial cover for the annual really reminded me of part of the Hollow Men story from Superboy Vol. 5 just with like... Kon in a room full of copies of himself. I don’t think this story would be related either because it was more magic Tannarak stuff rather than regular cloning, but ya know. It’s the imagery.
(Superboy Vol. 5 #9)
It also really reminded me of the stuff from Hyper-Tension which was hypertime stuff not cloning but again just... visually.
(Superboy Vol. 4 #62)
In general I don’t think we’re EVER gonna see Black Zero or any of these multiverse Superboys again LMAO.
To try to sum up all of this in a way that might make sense here’s kinda a... flowchart of some of my main ideas for what the cloning situation could be/how the logic could work. Again this is borrowing stuff from across continuities because Infinite Frontier means theoretically anything’s fair game. (Also I don’t think I mentioned this earlier but I do mention it in the chart, but I think it’s also reasonable that Waller could get her hands on Cadmus tech if Cadmus is like properly made canon again. She just has funky government connections!)
Also I just now thought of this now several hours after I already made the chart and I don’t wanna remake it so sorry not incorporating it there but I remembered there was also that bit during House of Kent where Clark took Kon to the Hall of Justice and they were running some tests on him, so I’m thinking it’s also possible Waller got ahold of that data/that might be how she found out about Kon in the first place for this timeline. And they indicated that there was something wrong with him there, where he might eventually lose his powers or something, so maybe she tried to do cloning stuff to be able to have a copy of Superboy in his prime or something??? before that started kicking in. I don’t know, just more things to consider:
(Action Comics (2016) #1028)
ANYWAYS in conclusion: there is clone fuckery of some sort happening, I’m curious where it’s gonna go, and I just want Kon to be okay.
If you actually read this uhm. props to you bc this probably makes no sense to anyone but me its just word vomit <3
#this is very long! and disorganized! i am sorry#this doesn't have one theory abt things it has like. many#its basically just brainstorming/spitballing ideas#i could also be entirely off base! with much of this! i just feel i need that disclaimer#grandpa max is god? i go to church now#i need a kon talk tag bc i swear i write more analysis stuff like this for him than anyone else
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Of Medea, Jason, and Other Tragedies
Some of you might remember a post I made a little while ago comparing how Quackity and Technoblade fit into the lore of the DSMP. Here are my thoughts via a 3k words of angst:
Read it on AO3
There was nothing left of L’Manburg.
It was something universally understood and known. Something that was never questioned. Something that everyone just accepted so that they could move on and not think about the nation that had too many traitors, too many broken promises, too many memories. It was something that everyone thought they believed so that they wouldn’t go looking for little pieces left behind, pieces that miraculously survived the desimation.
But Quackity knew the truth. Those little pieces could be found without looking too hard, whether it be in the fractured relationships of the SMP or the physical evidence that managed to not become ash at the bottom of a crater. And Quackity, well, he held both of those pieces in the palms of his hands.
In one hand, he held the souls of those fractured by L’Manburg’s memory. Fundy and his desperate need of a stable family, with a past scarred by a father that went mad and nightmares that haunt his waking actions. Sam and his futile attempts at control, gradually being poisoned as he pushes everyone away and tries to single handedly keep the server’s god locked in his own prison. Purpled and his lack of legacy, even in a place he so heavily influenced and his skills so valued yet so dismissed. Foolish and his beautiful builds and broken heart, running away from his destructive past and wanting peace despite the possibility of godhood sitting at his fingertips.
In the other hand, Quackity held a poster, one of the last remaining remnants of the place he had once fiercely declared home. He has no idea how it survived. Most of the physical pieces of L’Manburg that could be found were sections of buildings just far enough away from the explosions, items in random chests, or whatever was on the citizens at the time. Yet somehow, through all the fire and TNT, this poster had survived.
Technoblade. Wanted dead or alive.
Quackity had found it relatively soon after Doomsday, wandering around the crater where L’Manburg once stood. It was slightly singed on the edges and an entire corner was gone, but there it was, lying on the ground innocently, Technoblade’s mocking eyes staring at him with something like satisfaction.
He should have left the thing there. It would have eventually faded away like the rest of L’Manburg with enough time under the elements. Or maybe he should have burned it and forgot it was there in the first place. Whatever he should have done, picking it up, carefully folding it, and stuffing it into his back pocket was definitely not it. But he did. And it stayed with him for a long time.
At first, it was just there, a burning reminder in his back pocket of all he failed to do and what he promised to accomplish. It was there as he built Las Nevadas from the ground up, barely noticeable besides the constant nagging reminder in the back of his thoughts. It was there when he hired Purpled and Technoblade to take care of the Eggpire that had gone on for far too long, growing heavier and heavier each time the Blood God looked at him. It was there when he found out about Kinoko Kingdom for the first time, how the only three people he thought he could trust, the reasons he built Las Nevadas in the first place, left him behind without a second thought.
(The poster didn’t feel heavy then, but it did feel like it was laughing at him. Low and monotone, coming from deep within his memories.
The poster didn’t feel heavy then, but the two rings threaded through a chain around his neck did. They felt like shackles threatening to weigh him down and drown him.
Quackity removed the rings and hid them in a chest after that. Somehow, though, they still felt suffocating).
The poster was there for everything, tucked away in his back pocket, even when he began recruiting members for Las Nevadas. Through Foolish and Fundy, Purpled and Sam, and even through Slime. It knew everything, Quackity would find himself thinking. Of course, there was no way for a poster to know anything, but it didn’t stop the thought.
It wasn’t until after Wilbur visited him with Tommy after his revival (and so many memories of Pogtopia) that he finally took the poster out of his pocket. He was alone at the time (as he always is these days, it feels like, even surrounded by other beings) and in his unfinished casino. Sam had left nearly an hour ago to continue his duties as the Warden at the prison. The echoes of their conversation reverberated through Quackity’s mind.
Technoblade is going to the prison to see Dream tomorrow, he remembers saying. I trust you know what you have to do.
Of course, Sam had replied, the intense green of his eyes sparking in the dim lighting of the casino. You’ve done your part. Now I’ll do mine.
Quackity stared at the glass of whiskey in his hand. It had always Schlatt’s drink of choice, when he was still breathing. The smell reminded Quackity of the long nights he spent as Vice-President to a man barely sober enough to stand, let alone run a country. How many times had he put the smallest amount of poison in Schlatt’s drink, hoping that this time, it would be enough to end him for good? How many days had he spent hiding bruises and putting on fake smiles, wondering if it was all worth it? How many nightmares had he endured, thinking about everything Schlatt did and made him do?
He drank all the whiskey in one go. It burned his throat and pooled like fire in his stomach.
The glass made a satisfying thud on the counter as Quackity set it down. It was then that he finally reached for the poster in his back pocket, holding it almost gently in his scarred hands. He traced the edge of it with his finger, thinking deeply.
Quackity unfolded the poster, one fold at a time. The folds were deep from the sheer amount of time it’s spent in his pocket. It was honestly a miracle that it was still intact, given the state it was in when Quackity found it and the constant strain it’s been under since.
When Quackity finished unfolding the poster, he placed it against the wall and used his empty whiskey glass to hold it up. It looked just like he remembered, even back when the Butcher Army was first created. Sure it was faded and threatened to fold on itself at any moment, but it was still there. The reward, Technoblade’s face, the L’Manburgian flag.
Quackity stared into Technoblade’s red eyes. It was only a drawing, but whoever had done the picture nailed the resemblance to the Blood God. The scar over his eye and lip itched just looking at it.
“You know Technoblade,” Quackity found himself saying. “Before we met, I always had a healthy respect for you. Who didn’t? Everyone was in awe over the Blood God, the most terrifying fighter of our generation, rumored to never be able to die.” He sighed. “Of course, fighting was never my strong suit. You found that out first hand,” he added with some humor, though it felt flat. “Still, a part of me longed to do what you do. Words can only get you so far, get you so much respect.
“They say you should never meet your heroes. Something in that has to be true, because ever since I’ve known you, my life has been nothing but one bitter failure after another.” The poster didn’t reply, and Quackity understood with some absurdity that he was literally talking to a poster as if it were a real being. Still, he continued on.
“Well, maybe that’s giving you too much credit, but it sure feels like that. It’s just,” he trailed off slightly, moving his hands around, trying to figure out some way to articulate his point. Words were supposed to be his weapons, but here, vulnerable and trying to express something that’s been gnawing at him for so long, they scrambled in his throat. “Somehow you come out of every battle, every conflict without a single mark, yet I’m punished for every decision I’ve made since I came to this Primeforsaken SMP.”
And those words, Quackity realized, are when the floodgate inside his chest burst.
“No matter what you do, who you hurt, who you kill, what everyone wants or tries to accomplish, you have never paid for anything you’ve done to the people of this server. I remember when we took down Schlatt with Pogtopia, how you were so insistent that the government had to be taken down, all the while talking about how it was the people’s choice to live how they wanted to live. Well guess what, shithead? The people, L’Manburg, us, we decided that we wanted a government, one that listened to us and one that we could trust. And what did you do once the people made their choice? What did you do after we had called you our friend and said you didn’t have to live by our ways if you didn’t want to? You called us traitors. Said we used you, when all you ever wanted was an excuse to push your own anarchist bullshit down the throat of any server that would give you the time of day. You’re somehow the biggest hypocrite I’ve ever met, even in a world where Dream runs around as the Admin.
“But that’s not even the worst of your sins, isn’t it? I’ve watched you blow up countries with no remorse, execute a child on the whim of a dictator, corrupt and hurt every single person I’ve ever cared about, destroy what I put every ounce of my heart and soul into like it was nothing.”
There were tears aching behind his eyes now. Quackity took a shuddering breath, trying to calm his hurting heart. He thought about Schlatt and his time in Pogtopia, thought about Tubbo and Tommy and Niki and every other L’Manburgian face as they realized the nation they loved was gone at Technoblade and Wilbur’s hands. “And what were your consequences for all of this? What karma did the oh so powerful universe decide you deserved?
“Nothing. Not a single, goddamn thing. For all your violence and bloodshed, you get to live in a nice cottage in the Arctic, filled with friends that celebrate your birthday, and not a single regret.”
Quackity smiled blankly at the poster, raising his hands. By now he was full on pacing in front of it, his shoes making soft noises against the tile. All the while, Technoblade’s red eyes watched his every move.
“But what about me? Prime knows I’m the furthest thing from a saint this server has to offer, but at least I had good intentions. I went against Wilbur during the elections not because I wanted power, but because I saw what he was doing and no one else was going to call him out on his bullshit. I mean, come on! Running a single party election in a so-called democratic nation? Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t do bad things. I should have left Schlatt the moment I realized just how bad he was. I shouldn’t have waited until after he ruined L’Manburg and executed Tubbo to join Pogtopia. It haunts me every waking moment.” Quackity stopped his pacing for a moment, lost in the memories. Tubbo screaming, the flash and bang of a firework. The explosion of color from the second firework immediately after, because the first one hadn’t been enough. The burning in his chest as he was hit with a firework of his own.
“And then, after you and Wilbur decided to blow it all to kingdom come, I did everything I thought was best for L’Manburg. I helped people. I rebuilt everything you destroyed and made it better. I wanted to hunt you down and make you pay for everything you did.” His scar began to itch again. “But I guess we both know how that turned out.
“And what were my consequences for this? For doing my best, realizing my mistakes, trying to fix them, trying to protect those around me? What karma did the oh so powerful universe decide I deserved?
“Everything. I was punished for everything. Every place I called home, every person I called a friend, every time I fell in love, anything I tried to protect, every time I tried to be happy, I was punished for it. Somehow in this fucked up version of the story, I’m the villain that needs to be punished for their actions, while you’re the blameless hero that gets a happily ever after!”
Quackity was near yelling at this point. It felt good to let out all of his emotions after so long, putting everything into the open even if no one else heard him. He forced himself to calm down slightly, running a hand through his hair.
“Have you ever heard the story of Medea and Jason?” he asked abruptly. The air of the casino seemed to shift uncomfortably with his sudden change of tone, lighter and lower than before. “You probably have, with your obsession with Greek Mythology and shit. You know something interesting about Medea, though? Even though she did horrible, and I mean horrible things, she never lost the favor of the gods. She abandoned her country for some random dude she fell in love with, plotted the murders of her brother and father, as well as murdered a princess with a poison so strong that it killed anyone she touched, and even killed her own children. Yet she doesn’t pay for any of it. Through all of the murder and sorcery, the kept her favor with the gods, and was allowed to have a happy ending. Hell!” Quackity let out a barking laugh. “She doesn’t even die as far as anyone knows! Greek mythology is known for its love of horrible and dramatic deaths, yet of all of the myths she shows up in, never once does it mention her eventually dying, even of old age! Sounds like someone else we know, doesn’t it?”
He paused for a moment, as if expecting a reply. Of course, there was none.
“Now Jason, Jason, on the other hand, we see something interesting. You see, he loses his favor with the gods, specifically his patron Hera, because he was trying to marry another woman even though he was already married to Medea and had two children with her. Can you imagine your patron goddess being the lord of marriage and family, and then you trying to marry another woman? The balls on that man, I’m telling you. The point is, none of his heroic deeds mattered in the end. He lost favor with the gods, lost his wife and children, and ended up dying alone, crushed under the weight of the Argo. The only thing left to immortalize his heroism ended up being the cause of his death.”
Quackity suddenly paused. His words echoed in the casino around him. No longer was he pacing. Instead, he stared long into the distance, as if he could see something through the thick walls. The weight around his neck was nearly unbearable. When he spoke again, it was just above a whisper.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is you are an awful lot like Medea. Doing horrible things left and right with the gods still choosing to favor you, still getting a happy ending despite all the pain and grief you’ve caused. But…” he trailed off, looking back at the poster. It may have been his imagination, but Technoblade’s eyes seemed less mocking, somehow.
“I have hope. Maybe you’re not Medea. Maybe, just maybe, you’re Jason. You’ll do something so terrible that you’ll lose your favor with the gods, lose everything that ever mattered, and you’ll be crushed under the weight of what once proved your worth.” Quackity walked forward, reaching out his hand. His fingertips stopped less than an inch from the surface of the poster, just hovering. Waiting. Contemplating.
“But I can’t wait for that to happen. I can’t wait for the universe to finally decide you’ve lost its favor.”
He dropped his hand. “You once said something, Technoblade. You said: treat others as they have treated you. That was your excuse for everything you’ve done. I tried to enact that saying once before, and I lost a life because of it. This time around…”
Quackity finally snatched the poster from the place on the wall, rattling the glass in the process. He refused to acknowledge that there was the finest tremble in his hands, making the poster shake.
“Well, the universe already made me the villain of this story. Might as well act like one.”
Quackity ripped the poster to shreds, piece by piece, one of the last remaining pieces of L’Manburg destroyed at his hands. Soon it was so shredded that it was unrecognizable, a pile of paper falling softly to his feet. When it was gone, it felt like pressure was relieved from Quackity’s shoulders. For the first time in a long while, he smiled genuinely.
He walked out of the casino, leaving the pile there for another day. He was sure Slime would clean it up without much fuss.
And if the weight around his neck grew to be nearly unbearable-- well, that was no one's knowledge but his own.
#Dream smp#dsmp#mcyt fandom#ao3 fanfic#quackity#dsmp quackity#technoblade#dsmp techno#karlnapity#just mentions of it because i love it and because it further inforces the angst#awesamedude#dsmp awesamdude#greek mythology#jason and medea#tommyinnit#dsmp tommyinnit#tubbo#dsmp tubbo#alex writes#wilbur soot#dsmp wilbur#dsmp dream#dsmp lore
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