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looking like hell

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How can I go from glowing up to breaking down

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Not getting prettier but getting older

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Am I ugly? I feel like I am ugly.

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Why do guys hate me?

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happy 10 yrs of tumblr!!

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di ako makacomment?

is it time for a new theme for the blog?

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reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

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is it time for a new theme for the blog?

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running this account for almost 10 years now I believe? or 9 years?

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I wish I could see the future and also could go back in the past to warn my old self about shit.

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And this has been me in 3 months into the year 2024. I re-did my hair twice because I'm bored and I regret it now.

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Life Update 2023 summary

First of all, last year was complete shit and it's a torture to remember it again right now but for the sake of this blog well, I'm gonna endure it.

J A N U A R Y

- I got accepted at this BPO company that I've been talking about. I worked there for a month until I got sick and was terminated afterwards. Your girl was unemployed for months.

F E B R U A R Y

- After I recovered from being sick, Gek and I went to Pasacao beach for the first time and spent quality time together.

- Also DJ from high school suddenly hit me up but I just ignored it.

- started my online business, sold some pre-loved clothes and Carbonara. It was fun but really challenging

M A R C H

- Van my best friend went for a trip to Europe for 3 months so Gek, Mak and I had to stay together in one apartment without my dad knowing about it. I had to make up a lot of excuses for my dad cuz he's not gonna approve that I was living with 2 men.

- Holy Week? not sure but we got rat infestation here for the first time and ticks from Boris too.

A P R I L

- I started applying for a job and was scheduled for an interview like 2 jobs reached out to me (ADNU and Jollibee) but I didn't show up cuz I got cold feet. (not sure if this was in april, I might be tripping)

- Can't remember shit from this month

- Also started dieting and fasting this month onwards because of you know...

M A Y

- I got hired for a job!!! I went to work on my first day and I didn't feel like working there so after my lunch break, I didn't go back.

- also this might happen in april? I'm tripping again.

- Damn, the apartment got chaotic and awkward because my bff cheated on her man when she was in Europe and I was kinda involved with the drama. That shit was messy, had to deal with it until the both of them moved out.

J U N E

- my bff went back from Europe and she talked with her man and they were fine again but I was left on red notice still and it hasn't been the same for months to come

- I got a job again at this start up company that my bff and I both applied for but spoiler alert, I didn't last long either

J U L Y

- because... I got bullied in this company and my bff told me I was just overreacting but it was so obvious that these fuckers were coming at me. Long story short I lasted for 2 weeks there but I still got paid. Fuck those assholes and C U R S E T H E M.

- took so long to get my period and I was anxious!!! Didn't do it with Gek or anyone but shit was scary when my period was late. Longest cycle ever and it actually affected my performance when I was still working.

A U G U S T

- just unemployed. I barely remember what happened the month.

- probably stayed home ALL THE TIME.

S E P T E M B E R

- Peñafrancia festival just got sad because I had no friends to spend it with unlike the previous year when I used to ride the Vikings with them, this year just hit different.

- Bff and her man finally moved out so my man and I started living together, just the 2 of us.

- Stressed because how the fuck am I gonna pay the rent and bills in my apartment if I was unemployed? but I got it so I am fucking broke right now as we speak.

- Bf resigned from his job to become a delivery man and his schedule was flexible so we spent a lot of time together.

O C T O B E R

- worst fucking month of the year ever

- got a new job again but I lasted for 2 weeks only because I fucked shit up and this experience was probably the worst fucking one cuz literally it broke the remaining spirit I had and paralyzed me to go back in the field again.

- Don't wanna talk about it anymore just FUCK. THIS. MONTH.

N O V E M B E R

- 24th birthday?!?!?! wtf I am old and unemployed again

- still recovering from that hell of experience 💀

- also fuck everyone in that workplace especially Mae Ann fucking fat bitch and Jo soggy tits cunt 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

D E C E M B E R

- Sad Christmas but I bought a round cake and it was the best decision I made the entire year.

- the remaining days of the year were blank and sad and boring. Barely even remember shit

- lol I went shopping for my self-care thing as a gift for myself this Christmas cuz I've had enough bullshit for the entire fucking year.

- and I also binge-watched HxH the entire month on Muse Asia because it was playing on loop so I guess it was a good end of this awful year.

Glad that was over.

That's it. That was my entire year. I got severely sick at the beginning of the year, got unemployed a number of times, got caught up in a drama, relationship with my friends isn't the same anymore, traumatized as fuck and still here. Fuck 2023 and some of the people I met this year. Officially the worst year of my life.

Damn, who would have thought that 2023 was gonna be hell for me? at least the previous year was sort of okay but 2023? NOPE.

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Hello, I guess I'm back?

been out for a long time and it's 2024 now. Ang dami nangyari last year like it was a LOT for me to take. Mostly bad stuff happened last year but I managed to survive that's why I'm still here.

Should I get personal about my update on my life or just keep it cool? I don't know... I mean this phone that I'm using is new so my pics from last year aren't here any more and my old phone is dead so there's no way I can recover it.

Anyway, I deactivated my FB and IG that's why it brought me back here and girl, you know the reason why we're here 😏 So I'm gonna make this tumblr alive again, posting real life update and stuff because I know that no one in real life knows that I'm here so no audience means better for me.

I'm going to update from the beginning of 2023 until now so stay tuned :)

-Nempthis 🍂

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Update about my employment in this BPO company

I started the year fresh and ready for a brand new job which is being a call center agent. I was happy I received a start date in my email because I was actually looking forward to it. My training day started last January 10, 2023 at 5 in the morning. Feeling nervous, clueless and excited about what's going to happen. During the first 2 weeks of training, we were not receiving calls yet because that time was allotted for lectures only about the rules in the company, tools that we are going to use during calls, call etiquette and stuff like that. It was fine but I felt like I'm not understanding what our trainer was explaining and my confusion stirred. Okay so I was assigned to technical support, not my choice but the managenent's and if I'm gonna be completely honest with you I AM NOT TECH SAVVY IN ANY WAY. My weakness is actually anything related to technology and its technicalities... So being in a tech support made me feel dumb the whole time while my other peers can follow along with our trainer without breaking a sweat. That was the first red flag that I tried to ignore because who knows? Maybe I can practice and improve overtime so I stayed and tried to learn more.

2 weeks later, I was able to pass the first assessment so I got hope that there's a room for improvement indeed. I was happy because I didn't expect that I will pass despite having difficulties in my lectures so that's something. Also it felt good to receive my first pay. It's like a trophy for something that I won. I didn't spoil myself after receiving it, I saved it for something else.

This is the part that it got complicated. On the 3rd week of training, it was our opportunity to take calls and apply everything that we learned during training. I had a separate post about this and just to add, I got a little traumatized because I flunked it so bad and it was embarrassing that I kept shaking and sweating and panicking the whole time although I had a mentor by my side to support me. This was the time that I was having second thoughts about this job. Mistakes were meant to happen on the first time but what about the long run? I was thinking about leaving the company soon after training because I don't wanna embarrass myself even further. I mean I have a degree in Journalism from a prestigious university in my province but I can't even handle taking calls while navigating tools? It's a shame that someone who didn't finish college or someone who finished from a regular uni/college defeats me, right??

Even the fact that I was scared to continue, I still gave it a try. I didn't quit right away because this is something that I want to commit to. I attend the 2nd day of taking calls and the day after that and so on. I felt anxious like I was literally shaking every time I started to take calls. So it was about a week of taking calls, the half of 3rd week and the whole 4th week which was last week. Even with mentors coaching me what to do with my tools, I just couldn't get it! I only remember like 5% of what was discussed during lectures so imagine how pathetic and dumb I was the whole time. I just couldn't learn and it dissapoints me.

Today marks the last shift of my training as my trainer issued me a termination contract. It escalated quickly to this part because I made 2 absences this week. One was from Monday, 6th of Feb and then today 11th of Feb. It was a clear policy that more than one absent is subjected to termination. I was aware of this so I take all the blame plus I don't have to submit an awkward resignation letter so this actually saved my ass. If you're wondering I was absent, I was sick on Monday (severe cold and mild sore throat. Kept sneezing every after a few minutes) and also today, I got sick again (itchy throat accompanied by frequent coughing and also fever).

Today on my way to work, I was feeling okay with controllable cough and no fever. I was scared again to take calls but I don't wanna quit just yet. I was torn between keeping this job for as long as I can or just leave. I asked God to give me the most obvious sign to help me decide and here it is, I got sick in the middle of the day and was forced to leave work by the nurse of our clinic in the company because I consulted them first before making hasty decision.

It made me realize that this job ain't for me. I was able to pass the screening so that was something again but I couldn't keep my performance so it's better for me to get sick and terminated because why force myself to something that isn't meant for me? This ain't about perseverance and determination and all that cheesy words, that's toxic okay? At least I tried and didn't quit right away. I still set foot on the production floor which is the source of my nightmare every single day. I stayed till the very end of my OJT (today) but it was interrupted by my health.

A lot of people will judge me for this because the audacity to let this happen despite some people would've been perfect to take my position and why can't I keep my job for fuck's sake? People will see me as irresponsible, disappointment, weak, easily quits, and that I won't be able to succeed in life.

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Been a while since I last update here. Remember the job that I was talking about in my precious post? I got hired and I started my training last Jan 10 and it's still on going until now. The training has been exhausting because this is my first time in a BPO industry and being on calls with the seemingly unfamiliar - familiarish tools is overwhelming. I just took my very first calls today and even though I have a blueprint to follow and a support person by my side, I was still panicking and keep on making mistakes. I guess this is what they call "first time jitters" in call center. So yeah, I know I didn't listen enough during our lecture but aside from that the account that was given to me is truly complicated. Troubleshooting? Ugh. The worst. I'm having cold feet and I want to give up but I can't.

I'm confused...

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I'm scared to get fat