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a-lil-perspective · 3 years

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I have been silent for some time now. I have refrained from exhibiting any plaguing thoughts that might warrant me the label of “that person”, but I’m at the point where I’ve had my fill.

Ramble under the cut so as to not... offend or inconvenience anyone. There’s absolutely no obligation to read this. It’s Tumblr. You can block/ignore me. The option to do so is readily accessible.

I’ve been a Bad Batch fan since day one. While I didn’t start creating that very same day, it was relatively close. Point being, I’m a long-time dedicated fan. As the premiere to their series draws closer, I feel like there is going to be a great shift, rift here. That being said, I figured now is as good a time as any to make this post.

I love those boys beyond words. They’ve been the one constant in my life amidst a rapid and debilitating change. I love getting to give them life, even if my interpretations aren’t the most accurate.

Yes, I am a new Writer and yes, I am new to Tumblr, as I am sure both of those things are painfully apparent.

I get that it is impossible to please everyone. It’s something I’m learning more and more with each passing day. It’s something that gets harder to swallow, even more so.

I’d like to say that being here has been a largely positive experience, with all of these great connections and opportunities. But honestly? It’s been more isolating than anything. I’ve actually never felt more isolated than since I joined a year ago.

As a content creator or even just a general blogger, I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything, in fact. I consider myself very low maintenance. I don’t demand/harass/play the martyr for reblogs. I have never mentioned it once, and never will. Some people on here are so damn passive-aggressive about it, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. It’s very stigmatizing. While I completely understand the frustration surrounding the like-to-reblog ratio, I think it’s neither tasteful nor reputable to threaten to call people out for not reblogging your fics. I wish I could say I was joking on that one. But I’ve seen it profoundly. Not cool.

And yet, no one says anything or raises any concern there.

Yet I make metas, harmless rambles, and I get shot down? Seriously?

—I need to “chill”, it’s “overkill”, I’m “overthinking”. I and my content are apparently just so damn arduous to interact with.

If you don’t like me, please just move on. There are plenty of other Bad Batch creators for you to enjoy. You know that. My work is absolutely not the final say, and I’ve never claimed it to be.

What is so wrong, with sharing one’s thoughts? Why do people inherently have a problem with other’s creative efforts? I see it time over again. Why do I feel like if I was making a bunch of smutty posts it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, that it in fact would be infinitely more welcome? (Absolutely NO shade to people who create smut, okay? I’ve made my own share. I admire those bold enough to do so regularly. I absolutely love them. Please teach me your ways).

This ramble really has nothing to do with the most recent event regarding my contributions. Rather, it’s a culmination of experiences over the past several months that have brewed and festered to the point where I can no longer keep downplaying it.

Social media, at its core, is one big popularity contest. It always has been, it always will be. But I’m not here to win. That’s never been my objective. That’s not what I’m about. Surprise (or not), I am not a popular blog. Not by a long shot. I’ll never claim otherwise.

I don’t ask people to view/interact with my content, I’m not an activist, I can’t even fathom exuding that kind of confidence. Even though I, admittedly, crave it. I suspect I crave interaction as much as the next creator. It’s a nice feeling. Yet there’s never been any obligation for it, especially with me, so I don’t understand what the problem is. As I’ve said, there are ample ways for you to block/avoid me. It’s the internet. In this day and age, there’s no excuse for viewing anything you don’t want to.

I came here in the hopes of finding like-minded individuals, uplifting and interacting, and exercising some otherwise stunted creativity.

All Tumblr as taught me is that creating and contributing is largely a thankless, empty endeavor. You can give and give and give and be reduced to nothing. There’s a profound imbalance between “giving” and “receiving”, and in regards to both ends of the scale, it’s became apparent to me that if you don’t cater heavily and in unreasonable degrees or get “noticed” by a popular blog, you get nothing, and your efforts are null and void.

Truthfully? I constantly feel like I walk on eggshells here, and it’s all I can do to not crack under the pressure, even though it’s my blog and my headspace. I should feel comfortable and free to express myself here, and I don’t, and I’m unsure of how to achieve that sense of stability. To be completely honestly I feel like a constant bother and a nuisance. When I post, I literally feel like there is a collective eye-roll that comes with people receiving a notification from my blog. Even though I know, rationally, that can’t be true, that’s an absurd level of thinking. I can’t say I can pinpoint exactly where it stems from.

But regardless: I hardly ever talk about/create the things I actually want. I only recently just got ballsy enough to share some metas, and we all know how well that’s going. I try not to have smut out of respect for my asexual/minor mutuals, even though the tag to blacklist is very much an option. I try not to bring up conflicting topics, Tumblr, political, or otherwise, even though with proper tagging I could. But I try not to even bring that into existence. Even though it’s my right to, I don’t.

I don’t actually feel like I fit into any narrative here, especially in the Bad Batch fandom; even though we are all basically the same steadfast group of bloggers. We all know who we are. We all coexist in the same space. It’s nearly impossible to be unaware of each other, at this point.

And yet, I’m not in a bunch of Discord servers or backed by a team of beta readers and all that jazz. It’s basically just me talking to myself out here. It’s very isolating.

Part of that—most of it—is my own crippling social anxiety, and the genuine belief that I don’t deserve to be in the same space/servers as all of these brilliant creators. Because I’m just me, and there’s not a whole lot of value there. With that mindset, it’s hard to actually feel like I belong anywhere. I know that is a mindset I have to conquer alone.

My excitement over my creations has largely dwindled into nothing. I seldom ever bounce my ideas off of others—another issue that stems from the fear of presenting as a burden—and even though I try to write for myself, even that fire has pretty much died out. I’m not even sure how or if I could even reignite it, at this point. It’s really quite sad. It makes me very sad, actually. All I wanted was to safely ramble, project all my thoughts and creativity that has otherwise been repressed through prolonged detrimental circumstances.

More than anything, I wanted to find and hold onto something that makes me feel useful, meaningful, happy. More and more I wonder if that’s even possible. I don’t think it is, not here. I often wonder if joining and sharing on Tumblr was a horrible mistake. I miss the innocent joy of when I first started creating. It was so simple. I’m trying to find that simplicity again.

But I’m burned out. I’m running on fumes. I have been for some time.

At this point it goes beyond just “taking a break” from Tumblr. It’s the fact that it all feels like this meaningless, monotonous cycle. I wonder every day if I am an isolated case in experiencing these emotions.

And yet, come tomorrow I will still be here, business as usual.

I’m not asking for sympathy or playing the victim or attacking anyone or trying to guilt-trip into more interaction. I am very aware of my shortcomings and incorrect mindsets. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. I feel very disconnected from everyone here and it’s lonely. This took a lot for me to share. I will most likely delete this because anxiety will eat me up, as it does with everything I post. Yes, everything.

#personal #lil rambles

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ultraviolet-ink · 3 years

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worst fandom you've been in/currently are in? why?

oh dang really going in for the gut punch aren't we? XD As much as I love Ace Attorney and Dai Gyakuten Saiban, the fandom can be really really cutthroat. When I first got in, I thought it was really chill, but that was because I ship Narumitsu, it's the most popular ship so it's pretty rare to get ship hate for it. It wasn't until I started getting into Discord and exploring other ships that I noticed a lot of vitriol towards people who don't ship Narumitsu or Klapollo or Junithena or Asoryuu or whatever (Especially in DGS, if you ship anything that isn't Asoryuu, Haosusa, or Homumiko, it can get pretty lonely since you get called horrible names otherwise). There's a lot of bullying and I try to stay away from it as best as I can, but due to my own "controversial" ship, I sometimes can get rude comments of my own. You don't have to like a ship, but you can blacklist the tag, you can use the block button. Blocking something is perfectly okay, it's okay to have NOTPs, I have PLENTY of my own. Just... don't attack people for liking something? You have the power to just walk away, it's a wonderful power. Hell it's the reason I remind myself to never make a twt, it's way too toxic for me I know people who were literally run off of platforms and it's really scary. I LOVE this fandom, I LOVE making art and writing fics, I have people who I would consider friends in this fandom. Even if there are bullies here who can be really scary, I don't want to run away from something I love and strikes so dearly into my heart. We can be so much better than ship wars, we've had plenty in 2013-14, it's stupid to fight/bully/harass because of which anime characters we can kiss. We can be nuanced and it's up to us to curate our own experiences, not random strangers. Go ahead and ask politely if a Mutual can tag something, this isn't to discourage that, but demand that someone delete their fic/account over a fictional ship? I truly believe we can be better than that. Is it a stretch to say that this is the worst fandom I've been in? Probably, I guess it's because it's one of the few fandoms that I'm actually active in, otherwise I would have said Star Wars because there's always discourse there. Don't get me wrong, I love writing fics for AA/DGS, I love interacting with others, I love reading and reblogging, and listening to fan theories. But I can also acknowledge that it ends up getting back to shipping: if you don't ship the most popular ship, it can get scary. I truly believe we as a fandom can be better than this, the series isn't even about romance, so why are we? Please don't try to figure out who I'm talking about, please don't use this to call people out or whatever, I'm just mostly rambling on this. We all love these games and these characters, we can all exist here no matter our ships or interpretations or headcanons.

#ask #ace attorney #aa #phoenix wright ace attorney #pwaa #the great ace attorney #dai gyakuten saiban #tgaa #Tgaac #dgs #cw shipcourse #please feel free to speak if you want #I only ask for civility

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skimblyshanks · 3 years

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Negativity and me rambling about discoursey topics below the cut. feel free to keep scrolling. Actually, I encourage it ilaushdfhasd Have a great day!

I want to talk bluntly here.

I know I probably come off like a jackass nowadays, and I don’t want to, but at the end of the day there’s a group of ppl who are going to continue spreading lies about people based on what they ship, how they read characters, or literally anything that they disagree on, and they don’t listen when you try and explain anything.

so I’m kinda tired and grumpy and I genuinely try not to address it because I know no one who i want to get through to will listen, but also I feel like if I don’t just make a big old post whining about it there will probably be more of those small, whinier posts that I delete after an hour or so. But anyway. People are going to call me and my friemds horrible things, and they’re not going to listen if we try and defend ourselves. Which. Old news. Already found that out last July-August.

Guess what? I was here last year. I missed most of the first drama of the year, that being Kittencourse 1.0, but I was dragged along for the ride every other time. And it was anti-shippers starting those dramas, every time. I probably wouldn’t have lebelled myself as anything if not for the fact that for half a year bullies were throwing around their weight and justifying it by being antis, even when their opponents were doing nothing wrong.

I was here when someone was harassed for months over a fanfiction. this person wasn’t some huge presence in the fandom; the fanfic wasn’t some bastion of the fandom. I don’t think most of us knew either person or fic until antis decided it would be fun to fuck with the account for months on end.

I began identifying as pro ship because at least the pro shippers didn’t seem to be going out of their way to be nasty.

You know the funny thing? For a long while the most problematic thing I shipped was Tugger shanks. Even now, the most problematic thing I ship is Munku pounce, which I will not hesitate to tell you is a comfort ship, as pounce is one of my comfort characters. Any other ship is between kittens and those in the nebulous young adult range, which doesn’t seem to match the Anti Council’s definition of problematic, given many of them had no issue following a blog openly labelling itself as pro ship when the spiciest ship was Pounce/Plato.

And that’s the other thing. I’ve been very open on this blog about being pro ship.

Every time I got a wave of followers who seemed v likely to be anti-shippers, I reblogged posts explaining my stance and hopefully making it clear that I was pro ship. Regardless, I ended up having these followers for months; I didn’t block them bc many of them didn’t make it clear either way what they felt, so I dared to assume they were alright following a pro shipper. Then of course a few months later: a pro ship DNI, maybe some soapboxing, and more than once this has been while they are still following me.

And the fact is, it doesn’t matter what I try to explain.

It doesn’t matter how many posts I reblog trying to explain what it means when I use the term pro ship.

It doesn’t matter if I say that incest ships aren’t really it for me.

It doesn’t matter if I say the kittens are not young children to me.

It wouldn’t matter if I compiled every instance of kitten characters being provocative or taking part in sexually charged numbers.

It doesn’t matter that what we’re talking about here are fictional anthro cats played by adults.

It doesn’t matter because antis have already made up their mind and don’t want to hear otherwise.

It wouldn’t help if I changed labels because the label isn’t the issue, it’s the opposition to antis and their mentality. If I changed labels, they’d simply transfer the baggage they’ve given pro ship onto whatever I had chosen instead.

And I don’t think there’s going to be a middle ground reached because both sides are coming at media differently.

Yes, Pro shippers are alright with people having ships between characters who are related, ships with large age gaps, and, yes, even ships between adult characters and child characters. Because this is fiction we’re talking about. No one real is being harmed by this ship existing. The threat of grooming with these ships exists for all ships, all fandoms, all pieces of media, and all things that can be used to gain a victim’s trust.

Also, you don’t know why anyone ships what they do. You don’t know why anyone has the headcanons they do. I think it’s well-documented by now that there are survivors on all sides of this discourse, so that much should be clear. Telling those who do use these more controversial ships or headcanons to cope that they ought to be doing it in private is not only callous but disingenuine, as antis have, multiple times, gone into private spaces and leaked all content thereof so they could call out those within the group.

As it applies to this fandom, I don’t believe I’ve seen any potentially triggering ship in the main tags. Most of us who do ship controversial ships are aware people don’t like them. We provide tags to block, and of course users can be blocked as well.

Speaking of which.

I know who blocks me back. It shows a specific icon when a block is mutual. I assure you very few antis block me, even when they say they do.

Listen.

The truth is, at the end of the day, this is a blog for a musical about cats. I’ve shifted away from interacting with most users, partly so i don’t end up with more followers who end up antis, and partly so other, neutral users don’t end up catching flack for interacting with me.

And yeah, it is true that the current fandom climate is hilariously hostile to several ships that were popular for decades beforehand. It is true that antis have double standards. That their hypocrisy is easy to point out. That’s true of antis and fandoms in general.

But also. No one outside this fandom gives a shit what any of us are shipping, really. We’re all weirdos to them. The block button is right there; the filtering option is right there, Xkit and its blacklisting tool are right there. Yet there are still these dumb as shit outbursts and fearmongering and soapboxing.

And I’m Tired.

I’m tired moreso by general antidom.

There are multiple compilations of anti shippers being horrible people over ships and fiction, and sometimes even just because they think someone is a pro shipper, even if they aren’t. I’ve had many urges to link them, to share them, but often I think about the trigger warnings it would require and I lose steam; I don’t want to share that stuff with my followers.

And I’m Tired.

I’m tired that the same stupid points of drama are probably going to get resurrected again. At least this time I have most of them blocked.

But, yeah.

I’m Tired.

#fandom discourse--#discourse--#fandom drama--

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isthatbloodonhisshirt · 3 years

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[This is the same anon (🕖) who asked you about the Minor Character Death fyi]

(Also spoiler alert for those who have not yet finished reading the latest Big Bad via Blood xD)

OKAY OKAY yes Derek is dramatic but to be ABSOLUTELY FAIR. Noshiko stabbed Stiles 😭😭😭 I mean not stabbed—sliced him lmao. (Does "slice" work? I mean he didn't become two pieces but like... better than "stab" right???? Idk, I'm just as confused as Stiles xD) Derek was there! I was there! We saw/read Noshiko just... doing that... and the Katana went in and out of Stiles' body like a pencil when you use it to stab open a chips packet ahsbhshhshshs AND THEN. he was just *poof* GONE. literally taken in to the light. DO YOU SEE BLOOD 😭😭😭😭 i ABSOLUTELY did have a heart attack, and I am sure Derek did as well.

ALSO yes I stumbled upon the thought that the Minor CD tag might have been for the Millers... they indirectly influenced the story sooo. Yeah. Not against that. I was just,,,, too emotional lmao. But yes now that I think about it makes 100% sense. They might have not been in the story, but they were still an important piece of it.

Anyways. Thanks for yet again reading through my rambles 😂😂 have a good day/night!!!

LOL OH HELLO! If you’d signed with the clock I’d have known it was you XD lol

I do try and tag the asks about the new fic with ‘spoiler’ so hopefully most people have that blacklisted for other purposes and this just goes under the radar :)

Haha, Derek is not used to having a mate and being a drama king XD Think of all the near heart attacks he has in the ten year time-jump ;) Though to be fair, nothing tops Noshiko thrusting her sword pointy-end first into Stiles’ gut XD (And I, like Stiles, agree. Is it being stabbed? Is it being run through? Is there a better term? Who knows? Not me, as I have never had a pointy thing go into my gut and come out my back, and hope I never do |D)

LOL OKAY WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, I can understand your fear :P But my MCD is never actually real MCD XD I don’t kill my boys, they’ve suffered enough in canon, they are not allowed to be killed in fanfic, I refuse! |< lol

I didn’t want to not tag the minor character death in case it triggered someone to have people dying in the fic, especially in the manner they did. Safety first with triggers, since I myself have my own and would probably have a panic attack if something came up without my knowledge |D Which it has, and it’s not fun |D

LOL I am just glad you enjoyed it and hopefully you are in a good, happy place knowing our boyos are doing well and likely going to adopt a kid soon ;) <3<3<3<3<3

#Not TW #Blood's yakkity yaks #Anonymous #spoiler

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gay-prentiss · 4 years

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please read this before you follow <33

hi! im natalya, and while this blog is new, my presence on tumblr is not. ive been on this dump for 18 years. i got into criminal minds last year (october 2020) and i finally decided to make a blog to put everything cm all in one place.

a bit about me:

im 21

im from sydney, australia (timezone is australian eastern standard time)

other than cm, ive been known to hyperfixate on the mcu, atla/tlok, supernatural (although we dont go there in this house), hannibal, dr who etc.

i have adhd and im autistic :)

this blog:

this is just basically a place where i can reblog all the cm stuff like edits, fanfic, blurbs, gifsets etc. id be more than happy for people to send me asks about headcanons, fic recs, popular accounts etc. and we can discuss.

also: please don’t follow me if you’re under 18. that’s my preference as a 21 year old, and i’m allowed to have it.

i have one (1) fic which you can read here

tagging:

nat reads: fic reblogs

visuals: gifs that give heavy spencer vibes

nat answers: asks

nats sadposting: my personal stuff and rants about my mental health and stuff like that.

please note: i am a csa survivor. i do sometimes use this space to vent about it. i will never go into detail, but i do speak about that topic here. if you cannot handle that (which is completely valid), please blacklist nats sadposting.

important: generally important stuff people should at least see and boost

el gee bee tee: important stuff for the gays and the allies

nat rants: any rants i post, whether cm related or not

nat rambles: any original text posts i make

nat writes: my fics! (currently only two, but you never know heh)

nat watches [tv show/movie]: me being annoying every week about watching my other silly little shows.

tw tagging system:

posts that only mention triggers/a trigger is only talked about briefly in passing will be tagged as [insert trigger] mention

posts where a trigger is described/acted out/visually seen (e.g fanart, edits etc) will be tagged as [insert trigger] tw

if i ever post/reblog something and you don’t think that it’s tagged properly/appropriately chuck us an ask or dm and i’ll fix it right up!

also, here’s a list of tone indicators! i try to use these as often as i can, however my brain don’t always work right, and i am very forgetful, so if i forget to tone indicate, again, send me an ask or a dm, and i’ll adjust it! (also please im begging yall to use these when communicating with me)

i started a nsfw sideblog, @nsfwbau so any nsfw asks/recs can go to that blog💛

what i won’t tolerate:

any hate or anything like that. if ur gonna be straight up horrible about a character/ship/actor/etc. just dont bother because itll just be deleted.

also no homophobia/transpobia/racism or any of that. this blog is intended to be a safe space, so be kind or go away.

if you send me hate on anon, i will rip you to shreds because i cant control myself :)

i hope yall enjoy!

#criminal minds #cm #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #tara lewis #matt simmons #luke alvez #elle greenaway #jason gideon #me!#intro post

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degenderates · 4 years

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hello new followers! it’s been awhile since i’ve made an “hi” post and there’s been quite a few of y’all recently, so here we go!

(this is a very ramble-y post so if you want something more concise you can just read my carrd!)

hi!! i’m maven, currently a uni student. in fandom, i’m first and foremostly a fanfic writer. aside from that i also make some gifsets & graphics, fanvids, and videdits. (the latter two i do not post on tumblr however.) you can request shit if you’d like (fic/edits/gifs), and i may or may not get around to doing it, it all depends on my schedule, but i’ll try!

my current fandoms are the grishaverse (though that’s probably a forever fandom tbh), the lunar chronicles, marvel, harry potter, star wars, and the umbrella academy, but i post about other stuff too! however i mostly keep the sw shit to @obianidela and the “aesthetic” harry potter things to @professorsnape. my sideblogs switch around a lot; i’m so sorry. speaking of which i also have a loki-specific blog @lokilaufeysen because there’s a lot of feels i have about them and their story...they are my favorite character ever<3

you’ll find a lot of shippy content here, and i tend to like dark/light, villain/hero, etc. ship dynamics. i also occasionally write fanfic for other types of what can be considered dark ship dynamics, though for really squicky things, i won’t post them on tumblr; they will stay behind their ao3 tagwall. speaking of which, there’s a lot of pro shipping (i.e. not caring what people ship as long as it’s tagged), pro ao3, and anti fanpol (fanpol = fandom police) stuff that i talk about. i’m not a discourse free blog.

mainly, though, you’ll see a lot of darklina content, villain stanning, some tomarry & grindeldore when i feel like it, vibrant gifs, miscellaneous edits and gifs when i feel like it, and some angst and smut.* other than that, there’s some shitposting and social justice content as well! so enjoy your stay:)

[*please filter out the “#ns/fw” if that makes you uncomfortable. (i use the slash because otherwise tumblr hides the whole post!) it’s not that i’m reblogging hardcore visual fanart of that sort or anything, but i do write not safe for le work fics and things like that. i tag every single ship, fandom, and i try to tag for common triggers (e.g. “tw flashing”). shoot me an ask or dm if you need me to tag for something, but i won’t tag ships as “tw ship” because you can just filter out the ship tag. (i got an ask about this awhile ago which is why i’m explaining it).]

[and let’s just get this out of the way: if you are a bigot or exclusionist of any kind (including ace exclusionist/trans exclusionist/transmed), support trump, support jkr, etc. just don’t follow. thanks. antis of ships be aware also that this is not the space for you. finally, if you’re under 14 please do not follow me, and if you’re under 16 please blacklist the ns/fw tag. thanks!]

well...that was VERY ramble-y. but hello!! <3 i wanted to make that post as comprehensive as possible so no one gets in a position where you feel uncomfortable!

#also you can talk to me anytime about your problems in ask or dm #i sometimes am slow to respond but i do get there!#if you're shy anons are fine:D #intro post #blog updates #maven rambles #about me

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thatgirlonstage · 4 years

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Hello, sudden spate of new followers, not sure where you all came from but welcome! Since there’s suddenly a bunch of you an intro post seemed in order, so:

Hi, I’m Tal, she/they (the “they” is pretty new, I’m trying something), bisexual & queer, white, US citizen and resident at the moment but I grew up moving around a lot, An Adult and very slowly starting to actually feel like one on occasion (I got really excited about buying a soap dish the other day because it’s a pretty turquoise color and clever design, is where we’re at on that).

This blog is a fun escapist place for me, not an activist or political space, so it is very rare to see me reblogging current events, politics, or discourse stuff. That said, so we’re clear where I stand on a few things:

Black Lives Matter

If you meet a Nazi you should punch them (if you can safely do so)

Trans women are women and trans men are men, everyone’s gender is theirs to decide regardless of how they choose to present or what surgeries they choose to have

Asexual and aromantic people are members of the LGBTQ+ community

Queer is not a slur anymore than “gay” is

Vaccinate your damn kids (and on a related note, until we have a vaccine for covid, WEAR A MASK)

You can write/draw/ship whatever the hell you want, including all the gross things, it’s fiction

The annoying orange president and everything he stands for can die in a ditch

For the love of god please VOTE, even if the candidates are terrible, ESPECIALLY if the candidates are terrible, vote for the lesser evil, because it will save lives. Then go out and protest and call your reps and petition and yell at the lesser evil, and try to get an even less evil person into office next time. Abstaining or voting for someone with no chance of winning is not a protest, it is abdicating the power of your vote.

Okay, I think that should cover some of the most important things — if I’ve missed something I apologize.

I tag “personal” for anything rambling about myself, and “anxiety gremlin” for general brain gremlin/mental health nonsense. I do my level best to tag fandom and, where applicable, ship (except sometimes when the ship is canon I don’t bother) on everything so people can blacklist and/or search my blog as needed.

I’m guessing at least some of you are here through AO3, but for those who don’t already know, my AO3 is MuseofWriting. It would mean a LOT to me if you leave comments on any of my fics that you like <3 There is also a “my writing” tag on here that has other shorter stuff that doesn’t make it to AO3! Please reblog those fics if you like them!

My obsessions and interests are many and varied and often change without warning so do not be surprised if I am suddenly freaking out about a show I’ve never talked about before :P

Ask box is always open if you want to chat!! I love talking theories, fic, or just general yelling about shared interests. Lovely to have you here!

#personal

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anamelessblade · 6 years

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🔥

Hi I love u sly. Sorry u get the long rant. and its not going under a read more im tired.

Deep breath– sorry if this pisses anyone off or if you lose all faith in me this has been stewing.

Write whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, even that really shitty thing everyone is going to scream and yell about and call you all sorts of nasty terrible names for. Yeah, even THAT subject everyone says you should not touch with a ten foot pole.

im being vague on purpose. you know the type of subjects.

‘But Raive what the fuck that subject is awful and condoning shit and romanticizing–’

Let me be clear: Just because I’m saying this, does not at all mean I condone everything that is written. It does not mean I think everything should be written and put out there for public consumption. Maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be somewhere private or maybe it shouldn’t be. Honestly I’m not sure. All I know is that there are so many people here saying this is a SAFE PLACE and that it should be that for everyone--but this is the internet. It was never safe (i remember my parents telling me to never give my name out, be careful who you talk to be aware. dont give out your age. don’t do this. a lot of you need to realize that too because everyone is always asking for information and i don’t need to verify who i am IRL with you because that’s fucking scary in and of itself). You have to make your safe space by using the tools provided to you to keep the content you don’t want in your face out of it. If you see something you don’t like and it bothers you, that means you found something that bothers you. I’m sorry, I am honestly 100% sorry you have to confront something that you do not like and which may or may not trigger you in some way because of some other circumstance that occurred. Unfortunately, what other people do and write and how they act is entirely out of your control. You cannot make anyone do anything they do not want to--and that includes people who are actively out to hurt others.

With that said.

If two consenting adults decide to write something and they tag it and they put all the content warnings in the world and you still go to their blog and come out and tell them they are wrong and immoral and a horrible, horrible person, that’s on you. There is shit I won’t write and dont agree with and things I wouldnt tell anyone to write, but art and writing is not meant to be comfortable, it pushes boundaries, even the boundaries you think should not be crossed. And if it crosses your own boundaries, then you do what you have to make yourself feel comfortable

(please note I am talking about purely fictional things and events not when people come out rping ACTUAL N*ZIS)

'But Raive… what if its hurting people? What if someone uses that writing for something actually irl bad?’

I hate to say this, I really do, but if someone is going to hurt someone and has already decided go out of their way to do it, they are going to do it whether or not someone’s horrifying all-taboo, all squick rp/fic is out there.

Dont get me wrong. Like I said, there are a lot of things that I think probably shouldn’t be written. But I’m not going to condemn anyone for it so long as they themselves outside of the fiction are a decent person. Contrary to what everyone rages about and shouts– there is a difference and a line between fiction and reality. No it’s not that cut and dry. Some things do affect people and change opinions, but it’s not such a simple thing as 'I wrote this fic and now everyone is going to think its okay’. The things that actually blur the line of fiction and reality (such as rac.ism and h.omophobia and things of that nature) it’s probably already in the hearts and minds of the people watching or reading that media and they will use it as an example of feelings that were already there, because it reflects them. I don’t think any well-meaning person would watch or read a scene with a murder and come out thinking that murder is alright. There is a line when it comes to specific subjects compared to others, and i think that encompasses most of the problematic writing and work that everyone so ardently opposes. Because, most of the people writing these subjects are not condoning it themselves, they’re just writing it as fiction.

Again, I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, that’s not what I’m about to make a judgment call on. I’m just saying this black and white ideology of policing CONSENTING ADULTS who are NOT OUT TO HURT ANYONE needs to stop. They tag and put all the warnings and say out right in their rule that they write certain subjects you are not comfortable with and you still decide to follow or to interact or whatever-- dude that. is. on. you. and you need to realize that.

I know anecdotal evidence is not like the most scientific way to go about this kind of thing, but i’m at work/taking a break and can’t look up any articles on pyschology or whatever to ‘prove’ my point. Those of you who don’t agree won’t read or want to read it anyway.

I spent around...almost i’d say ten years on this one forum. Back in its heyday when it was popular there were a lot of us writing shit that...should not have been written. Things I would not write now, but was okay with back then because I was young and not necessarily aware. My idea was it’s fiction. There’s nothing wrong with it inherently. and that’s how most of us were. Nobody came out of the woodworks to say this was AWFUL AND YOU ARE EVIL AND TERRIBLE FOR WRITING THIS because we all spoke to each other ooc and we didn’t conflate in character with out of character. Any time something bad happened ooc it was dealt with, the person removed and that was that. Because no one was hurting anyone IC, it was the ooc that mattered.

IC drama was IC drama no matter how crazy and shitty it got (and there was a lot of IC drama that everyone watched and commented on and honestly it was insane)... but and this sounds odd perhaps, but writing and reading those things gave me a perspective I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I researched, I looked into things, I wanted to portray things right--and it gave me a really wide view and understanding of what people in certain situations go through. I’m not saying go write these awful things so you can understand the horrors of it. I’m just saying it taught me to empathize better and actively try to understand what other people go through, I guess.

Anyway. this got long and a little rambly and I wish I could get my point across half as well as I formulated it in my head but...

TL;DR: write what you want, no matter what it is. Tag all the warnings. Put all the content warnings that you can so that those who dont want to see that shit can block it. and those of you who want to attack people who do all of the above, please don’t. Just block and blacklist and do all the things necessary for yourself. And be aware that the world and the internet is a scary place that does not cater to you.

#raive rants #ask tag;#i dunno what to tag this as #tw nazi mention #tw nazi #anti antis #tw discourse #tw homophobia mention #tw racism mention #if you dont agree thats fine. you have a right to your opinion.#im just really tired of the black and white ideology and the 'youre either with me or against me'#thing that tumblr does...#it's tiring. you have to step on eggshells everywhere.#there is such a thing as ic does not equal ooc. im serious.#see something you dont like? keep going.#...if the followers of these two people writing or the two consenting adults writing are okay with it...#and i do mean those that stick around and dont find issue #then you're the only one that's not. and you're the one hurting someone by attacking them and spitting vitriol.#...anyway.#i m getting back to work.

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mycomori · 5 years

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i miss my friend christ i’ll call her that cause c is already taken here i guess and not in a good way cause c is mind athe whole reason i wa slushed to start this side blog cause she follows and can see my main and i needed to vent about her and work stuff back when i still worked at shitbux and i’m still afraid of her seeing this blog but anyways ya whatever i plan fic ur contact w her once i move to the city. but christ is what i’ll call my friend i’m moving in with in west philly who i’ve been friend wnsince back on cathokic sxhool were p close and her family has helped me a lot on bad times and other way around. we used to baidcallay live together at our friend em’s house cause they had like a good family with money. but anyways ya. idek why i made this pst. i stopped tagging shit like weeks ago and is judo really go back and attempt to clean out and tag shit on this blog but also i don’t really care. i gues drew only propose fo the tag is so people can blacklist is if they don’t wanna see my dumb high and or drunk ramblings and so i can catagorize stuff myself but uh this was never a serious bigwig so whateve i’ll digurebit out laters.

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thedeadflag · 8 years

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Continuing with today’s releasing of snippets from my unreleased fics...

...a clanya soulmates fic I started writing early on in S2. As noted before, these will be tagged #TBCThursday if you want to blacklist. This story specifically as #soulclanya. As always, quality will vary...there are numerous reasons why some of these are unreleased and unfinished, but I figure there’s no harm airing some of these out

Thirty four meals.

Thirty four meals had been delivered to her since she'd been under lockup in the sky box, a mere seventeen days. With how torturously dull and isolated it was in her cell, with only the darkness of space and the rare glimpse of the sun or earth through the skylight to accompany her, Clarke wasn't certain how long she'd last before suffering some kind of mental break. I probably won't last to my seventeenth birthday at this rate, and that's just a few weeks away...

It wasn't supposed to be like this, it shouldn't have been, and to make matters worse, she had her best friend Wells and herself to blame for it. Her father had only wanted to warn the rest of the people on the Ark about what would happen if things didn't change, but he'd been silenced, floated out of the airlocks for his undying loyalty to the last remainder of humanity.

I'm honestly starting to wonder if we even deserve that title anymore, with how things have been, and what's probably going to be done...

Not that she was bitter, or anything. After all, she was one of the happy few in the sky block who weren't allowed any visitors except the guards who would deliver food twice daily. Even the girl who lived under the floors would get to see her brother once every few cycles. No, she was in the fine company of murderers and saboteurs, just for knowing something the Ark council didn't want her to. Not even for doing anything, even though it was a safe bet that had she the freedom to take action, she would. Still, if only I could see mom every once in a while...maybe that could help...maybe I could apologize enough and make things better, even if I can never make things right after what Wells did...

Clarke sighed at how fruitless thinking about her situation was, and decided that since she'd been obsessing over it for however many days, it'd probably do her well to try and just focus on simpler, less stressful things. If she was to remain in her dank little cell for the rest of her life, before being floated, then she'd try to find a way to enjoy herself. Drawing always helped, and David, an old friend of her dad's who was one of her regular guards, had procured her a few scraps of art materials from home to work with.

There were worse ways to spend her time. Aside from eating the largely flavourless rations, art would have to do. Clarke willed herself to be okay with that before picking up her meal and munching on it. Food, art, sleep. Rinse and repeat.

There were worse ways to avoid her guilt.

Clarke woke to being thrown from her cot, her shoulder impacting painfully against the steel floor, ribs straining in agony as a knee pressed down hard against them. She was about to complain about guard brutality, a floatable offense sometimes, when she realized that the person on top of her wasn't a guard.

No, a wild looking woman in leather and fur and wearing paint on her face had a knee jammed against Clarke's ribs, and a hand around her throat, glaring with sheer fury down at her. She'd have chalked it up to a nightmare or hallucination if it didn't all feel so real.

Her lungs strained for air as she tried to choke in a breath or two, but the woman didn't really seem to like that idea very much, only pressing harder against her throat. "Chon yu bilaik?" The woman growled, flinty syllables rolling past the woman's lips with an anger that Clarke was entirely unaccustomed to.

"I don't... understand..." Clarke wheezed out, immediately regretting her words with how dark the woman's eyes went, and how much harder the woman's grip around her neck suddenly was. Her body was running on adrenaline, but still sluggish from sleep, and her flailing limbs weren't really doing anything to help her get free. Still, like hell if she was going to stop trying.

"Yu laik kom maunon? Dison laik maun-de?" Her attacker grit out, none of the syllables sounding anything like words Clarke was aware of, though it was very clear that the woman was definitely looking more homicidal by the moment. That meant it was pretty likely that the woman understood what she'd said, in some way or form.

"I...can't breathe...can't answer...you..." Clarke struggled to piece enough together to hopefully get her message across, but her vision was getting blurry, and she really didn't have long.

Thankfully, the hand around her throat slackened, even if it was replaced by a forearm pressing up against it. Still some pressure, but definitely enough relief to draw in some oxygen with a half dozen desperate gasps.

"Yu laik kom maunon? Dison laik maun-de?" The woman repeated, which still didn't make a lick of sense, but at least she was regaining enough faculties to think the syllables and foreign words over. It certainly didn't sound like any language she knew, so she tried to be patient. Well, as patient as a person could be with a threatening individual pinning them to the floor.

"'You like come maun on'? 'This on like monday?'" Clarke sounded out, repeating the angry woman's words, much to her attacker's disdain, a little added pressure to her throat being the reward for her efforts to understand. "Okay, okay, just gimme a second here. You asked a question, you want to know...if I'd like to...come to a mountain?"

The woman let out a frustrated growl and lifted a fist that had Clarke blurting out whatever words were floating around in her mind, not wanting to get hit. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying, and I'm just trying to figure out what you need so I can help!"

"Yu na sis ai au?" The woman asked warily, and Clarke found herself accidentally huffing in frustration that there was literally nothing to work off of from the latest string of sounds. Still, the other woman seemed to recognize some of what she had said.

"I don't know what you just asked, but I just...you're upset, I'm a prisoner, and I'd like to not get killed before my time is up, and the way to do that is figuring out what you want from me, so just...help me understand, so I can try to help?" Clarke rambled at a fast pace, not breaking eye contact for a moment with the cautious, seething woman atop her.

A light slap to her cheek had Clarke blinking from shock, enough of a distraction so that when she focused back on her attacker, the woman was surveying the area with keen eyes. Clarke waited it out, waited for the woman to scour over each and every detail of their surroundings before finally bringing those dark amber eyes back to her.

"This is a prison?" The woman asked plainly, and Clarke could only breathe a sigh of relief that her attacker had apparently understood her the whole time.

"Of course it is! We're in the sky block? Literally a wing of the station used to keep people locked up? The better question is how the hell you got into whatever historical archive gave you those clothes, and why they tossed you in here with me, when these cells are meant to be for solitary confinement." Clarke explained quickly, happy to have made her initial point before crossing her arms across her chest. "And if you understood me, you didn't have to yell whatever language that was at me, either. Could have saved me from worrying I was gonna suffocate."

The woman just glared down at her for long seconds that might have stretched into a minute, not at all providing relief on her throat or ribs just yet. "Sky block? You maunon hide underground, what would you know about the sky?"

Clarke gaped at the woman, trying to figure out what the hell was going on in that messed up head of hers. "Underground? Maunon? Look...did you hit your head? My mom's a surgeon, and I'm basically good enough to be a nurse at this point, and I could take a look if you've got a head injury..."

Her efforts at aid were met by a snarling growl from the woman, who pressed that forearm hard against her throat for a few painful, breathless seconds. "I am not wounded. If you and your maunon captured me, they could have my people, and I would end their fight for that. Now, what part of the mountain are we in?"

Clarke blinked at the assertion that they were in a mountain, and felt a wave of fear roll through her when her lips curled up into a smile at the amusing thought, knowing her attacker was not amused in the least. "We're not in a mountain. We're far, far away from mountains. Our people haven't seen a mountain up close in nearly a hundred years...I mean, just look up. We're still trapped in space, remember?" Clarke noted, the sight of the Earth above through the skylight a happy coincidence.

The woman's glare held for a few moments before dark eyes were cast upward, a confused gasp escaping her attacker's lips. "Where are the stars? The moon? What is that?!"

The utter shock in the woman's voice, the unnerved and flinty tone of her voice, and the perplexed and slightly horrified expression on her face, all had Clarke more than a little alarmed. Whatever her attacker was used to seeing when looking out her viewport clearly wasn't there, and she couldn't fathom where on the Ark a person could be housed where they wouldn't ever catch a glimpse of the Earth. Try as she might, she couldn't figure it out.

"Where do you live that you never see the Earth? We're literally orbiting it... it's kind of always there." Clarke spoke slowly, trying to tread carefully given how on edge her attacker was. The last thing she wanted to do was aggravate her enough to get choked out for good.

The woman's gaze held focus on the Earth above them for long seconds before flicking back down to her. "I'm a general of the trigedakru, head of Tomac, my village."

Clarke wasn't sure what any of that meant, but she did recognize a few words, 'general' and 'village'. The former a rank used in the military back on Earth before the apocalypse, and the latter being a place of settlement down on Earth. Neither word was anywhere near common on the Ark, and neither were actual things people could be, or live in, up there in space.

None of it made sense, so Clarke decided right then and there that she was in with a hallucinating woman, and the guards were having a good time tormenting her. Or, well, probably something along those lines.

"Okay, if we're going to keep talking, can you at least stop jamming your knee into my ribs and let me up? Like I said, I'm a prisoner like you, so I'm not exactly in a position to help you escape, but maybe we can talk." Clarke requested, hoping with all her might that it would be granted, because her ribs were getting really sore, and she really wanted a reprieve from that.

The woman glared down at her, jaw shifting to the side a bit as dark eyes narrowed further. Clarke mentally braced for some other form of attack, but it never came, her attacker slipping off of her entirely with an annoyed scoff. "You're useless, you mean."

Clarke huffed at the accusation and sat up, trying her best not to groan at how much it hurt to do something so minor. "You seem confused as to where we are, and I can help you with that. I grew up here same as you, but I know every inch of the Ark."

"Is that what you maunon call your home? Then tell me, where in the mountain are we? How well guarded is it? Where are the exits?" The woman railed off one by one, her furious frustration beginning to escalate again, something Clarke did not want to happen.

Still, she wasn't sure it could be avoided, given how delirious the woman was. "We're not in a mountain, we're floating in space, on the Ark...the big mishmash of space stations? Orbits the Earth? Been stuck up here for almost a hundred years? Ring any bells?" Clarke shot back before thinking, immediately scooting backwards in expectation that her attacker could make a second attempt on her life.

Instead, the woman just shot her a frustrated glare. "Tell me what this 'orbit' means? I do not know that word. Floating...floating is on water. Space is area, land." The woman listed out as if recalling knowledge from a past lesson, a grunt of annoyance escaping her when Clarke just stared in confusion, unsure what she could say. "Explain!"

Clarke shook her head and worked herself up to her feet, each movement and breath taking a bit of a toll on her from the acute pain in her chest. Pretty sure she bruised a rib or two...damn it...

"It's kind of hard to explain, I'm not a rocket scientist. But basically, the Earth has gravity, right?" Clarke started, only to falter when the woman just gazed blankly at her, no understanding in her eyes at what she'd even begun to explain. "Okay, so it's going to be really hard to explain the word 'orbit' if you don't understand gravity."

The woman tromped up to her, giving Clarke a shove that was hard enough to send her stumbling backwards and into the wall. "Try harder." Her attacker grit out menacingly as she closed the distance.

"Okay, so...shit...okay, the big nuclear war, do you remember that?" She asked, attempting to weave a story in lieu of a scientific explanation, thinking it might give her room to answer the woman's questions.

Thankfully, the woman offered a slow nod, watchful eyes fixed intently on her. "I have heard stories passed down from the elders."

Clarke let out a sigh of relief that she had something, finally, to work with. Some common ground to solve her current problem. "Okay, so when it started, some people realized that the explosions would kill all life on Earth, and they took a ship into the sky, and out of the Earth's atmosphere, and escaped to the space stations that were orbiting Earth." She explained, getting a good vibe from the woman until she spoke the word orbit again, which earned a glare. "Basically, if you pick something up and drop it, it drops because of something called gravity. There's a big ball of liquid metal at the inside of the Earth that pulls all things down, and space stations need to be moving at really fast speeds not to fall down to Earth because of that. And when they move fast enough around the Earth, they 'orbit' the world instead of falling into it or flying away from it. Okay, that whole description got away from me, but I'm trying."

She watched as the woman's expression twisted in confusion across her explanation, that confusion lasting for long seconds afterwards before hardening. "You are saying I was taken by the sky."

Clarke shook her head. "No, no. I'm saying we've been up here for almost a hundred years. The Earth isn't...nothing can live down there, the radiation kills everything. That's why we've been orbiting it for so long, we're trapped up here."

"Then how did I get up here? This is impossible. You are impossible." The woman claimed angrily, pacing almost hard enough to carve a trench if she were at it long enough.

"What do you mean 'up here'?" Clarke let out slowly, because her certainty that the woman was born on the Ark was slipping, and that didn't make any sense. Earth was too toxic to support life. They only had escape pods, no craft that could fly up and dock with the Ark. The sky block was only accessible to council members and guards, and people condemned to isolation remained isolated. And yet, the woman seemed entirely sincere, and entirely too stable to be delusional enough to have cobbled together such a fantasy. And where did she get those clothes? And what's that on her face?

Clarke cursed herself for just cluing in to the residue on the woman's face, and willed herself to step forward into her attacker's space, bringing the furious pacing to a halt. "What...what's..." Clarke started, fumbling absently for words as she reached out a hand, stunned beyond belief that the enraged woman hadn't swatted away her hand, hadn't pushed her away.

Clarke's fingertips brushed tentatively against the woman's cheek, her index catching some of the dark residue near watchful amber eyes, while her thumb grazed against a grainy brown substance on a smooth, supple cheek. With more care than she usually would afford messes, Clarke brought her hand back and gave each a sniff, not recognizing either smell.

"Are you done gawking at dirt, or will you answer me, for once?" The woman grit out, and as much as Clarke knew how violent and dangerous her attacker could be, her attention fixated on a four letter word that she knew from her studies. Up on the Ark, they had dust, they had grime from grease and oil. There would be the occasional bit of mold before it'd be eradicated.

Dirt, though, came from the Earth. It couldn't be found on the Ark outside of the thoroughly locked down farm station, and she knew by its foreign texture, by her instincts that warred with her common sense, that what was on her hands would not otherwise be found on her ship. No way the dirt on the woman's face would remain after leaving the decontamination chamber leading out of farm station.

Clarke leveled the stormy-eyed woman with a wide-eyed stare, suddenly unsure of just about everything around her. "How are you here?" She asked, voice trembling slightly in fear of whatever words could possibly answer her query.

The woman's brow knit in clear frustration, jaw opening to unleash some words that would be predictably harsh and aggressive, but a distant low, droning sound startled her attacker into stillness. Amber eyes went wide for a moment in alarm, the first glimpse of vulnerability she'd seen in the woman.

A blink of her eyes found Clarke back on her bed, drenched in sweat, and, after a quick scan of the room, entirely alone.

What a fucking dream...Hell, it all felt so real... She thought to herself, moving to sit up but freezing in place as a familiar pain shuddered through her chest. Much duller and fainter than from the dream, but still present. No, that doesn't make any sense...I'm just over-thinking things. I probably pulled a muscle in my sleep, is all...

Satisfied in her logic, and figuring there was still more time left to sleep, Clarke shifted back down in bed and closed her eyes, hoping for a less eventful and confusing dream.

Anya panted, halfway slumped over against the cavern wall, just barely having managed to get to shelter before the acid fog could burn her alive. The burning in her chest would normally be a nice reminder of how close a call it had been, of a need to be more prepared and aware of where it was safe to make camp, but it never should have gotten to that point. Anya knew her limits and her capabilities, and she'd camped out where she knew she could get to cover in time, if necessary, but she'd never been in a dream so deeply before. It had never clawed at her to keep her from consciousness like that before, robbing her of precious seconds necessary to her survival.

Anya willed herself to focus through her exhaustion at the memory of the dream. Of the blonde girl who was imprisoned, apparently in the sky instead of the mountain. After what she'd seen from that overhead window, that was the only thing that seemed possible, no matter how impossible she wanted it to be.

She had heard stories about people who escaped into the sky after willing the destruction of the world. Over the years, they had intercepted rare single people who had fallen from it in large metal boxes. Enough to know that someone lived up there.

Anya shook her head, knowing that it was just a dream, but one tiny, horrifying notion persisted in the back of her mind. One that brought to mind the folklore she'd been taught as a child, of those who shared dreams. Each storyteller would have a different word for it, but the narrative was common enough for her to have come across a few in her time.

It was so extremely unlikely that it was barely worth thinking about, but in a dank cavern, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, it was difficult to keep her mind away from such thoughts, or the conclusions they led to.

No...no. If I see her in another dream, I will reconsider, but until then, it was a single, unnerving dream, and nothing more. The maunon have been attacking more often lately, and the battles against the Azgeda prove they will not bow out quietly to Lexa's will. I have enough to concern myself with...

The matter settled, Anya sank down against the cavern wall and, knowing it was otherwise empty, resigned herself to catch up on sleep once more. She knew that when the sting of the air dissipated, she'd wake, as she tended to. The fog had delayed enough of her duties already, it didn't need to steal her waking hours as well.

Anya closed her eyes, steadied her breathing, and pushed images of the blonde girl to the back of her mind, hoping they'd stay there.

#TBCThursday #soulclanya

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