#there was a carnival thing at my uni and it was right in front of the student life centre which also leads to an activities and gym centre

[lvlystars]

i saw a dorito guy. mf was SNATCHED

[bunnys-kisses]

hi Bunny! Could you do a croissant and root beer and whatever’s on the house with Lewis Hamilton?

bakery menu

want to put in your own order? hit me up! i'm still accepting orders! we're always serving up smiles! for this, i went with a mafia au route, the idea of lewis in a crisp suit was ratting around in my jellybean brain, haha. i thought of him teasing horner!reader

croissant ("i wonder if your father knows what happens during the off hours. if he knows you're here with me.") + root beer (filming/recording) + on the house (choice:size kink)

cw: smut/pwp, horner!reader, missionary, size kink, photo-taking,

"i wonder if your father knows what happens during the off hours. if he knows you're here with me."

you looked at lewis before he pressed his lips up against your neck. his hands were palming your breasts as he rubbed his hard cock against you.

"you're really pretty when you're under me." he chuckled, he loved taking you in the missionary position. he loved the small movements in your face as you try to take all of him. it was honestly so endearing that you were trying so hard to get all of himself inside of you.

you two were forbidden lovers! or at least that was what the gossip rags said about you. when the paparazzi got a photo of you stumbling out of a club, or him with his arm around you.

there was a photo that was circulated that was certain you two were together because it was you whispering in his ear at a carnival in some small town, but from the angle it looked like you two were kissing. didn't help the photo right after was you two sharing a sweet smile.

you were the off limits daughter of christian horner. you had spent your entire life around a paddock, so the pretty smiles of the drivers never fazed you. except for lewis hamilton, who came into your life like an inferno.

while a heartthrob across many countries, you started out as friends. but, even forest fires started as a spark. and you were at lewis' for the weekend after lying to your father about seeing a few of your friends from uni.

"does he know? i wonder if he talks about me?" lewis chuckled when he took your weekend bag from your hand and put it to the side. waiting any longer for you felt impossible.

his hands slid up from under your shirt as he pressed a searing kiss to your jaw. you felt hot all over at the feeling of his against your flesh. he was the kind of lover that made you heart hammer in your chest enough that you scrambled to get the shirt off over your head.

"i can see why he's so protective of his daughter, you're beautiful." he said, "pretty thing around the paddock will turn a few heads." he laughed, "but no one knows you're here with me tonight." he kissed at your jaw and held onto your shoulders. he then moved to your lips and kissed you deeply.

"stop talking about my father." you groaned.

"why? i thought you were a proud horner." he chuckled, "don't want to talk about dear old father in the bedroom?" he rubbed himself up against you.

"you prick." you said, your lips close to his.

he chuckled, "you love me." then took you by the back of the head and pulled you in for a hot kiss. his other hand was on the waistband of your pants to get them off of you. he had enough of waiting.

he needed his sweet girl.

the trek to his bedroom felt long because he was trying to get your shorts off before you reached the room. then when you finally got on the bed, you got your pants and underwear off. which left you in your bra and lewis was admiring the sight of you.

he palmed the front of his pants and admired you. you were beautiful, the sight of you left his mouth dry as he looked at you. how did a guy like horner have a daughter so beautiful?

he got onto the bed beside you and got off his sweater before he pulled you close to him and then further onto the bed. you laid tangled up in one another as he kissed down your neck. his soft lips felt so good against you.

his hands massaged your breasts. he whispered sweet praise against your skin as you felt so close to him. it was amazing. he made a heat run through you as you laid there next to him.

"such a pretty girl." he admitted, "i can't get enough of you. they shouldn't let you in the paddock because you're so much of a distraction."

you held the man's face, looked in his eyes and said, "i thought i was your good luck charm?"

he smiled, not the one for the cameras. but one that held a genuine truth, he pressed his nose against yours and with his eyes closed, replied, "of course. i just think you should be wearing my number so no one gets the wrong idea."

"you menace."

"only for you."

once you two were fully naked, you rubbed up against him. you laid cuddled up in each other's arms as you felt him up. he kissed you once more before he got you onto your back and was between your legs.

he gazed at you lovingly as he wrapped your legs around his waist. he leaned over you, hand on your face as he kissed you gently once more. you felt like a dream to him, a perfect woman for him to indulge in. to love.

maybe you two did have a back and forth, but deep down the feelings for you were painfully true. it was now just a game of chicken until one of you admitted to the other.

"i wonder if your father knows what happens during the off hours. if he knows you're here with me." he said softly, hands on your breasts.

you wanted to throw a pillow at him as you responded, "enough about my father or i'm going home."

he chuckled and gave you one last, almost sweet, kiss on the cheek before he grabbed you by this hip with one hand and his cock with the other. he maintained eye contact as he watched your face change as he push his cock into you.

he was impressive in size, sort of big compared to you. that gleaming smile and strong arms made you feel protected. your heart leapt as you felt his cock being buried into you.

he liked that he was bigger than you, sometimes he'd press his palm up against yours and point out the difference. it was cute, "it's not your fault you're so small. means that i just have to protect you."

but at that moment, you could really feel the difference as lewis gave you gentle praise.

you tensed up but his soft words against you managed to make you relax a little. he got his cock into you to the base and shuddered at the feeling of your tight cunt around him. you felt so good.

he smiled at you, feeling the sweat already at the back of his neck. he smiled at you. no one could deny that he was handsome, you remember his little fan club. you'd often scoff at it. if they saw you now.

you kissed once more as you began to move against one another. you gripped onto his shoulders as he held you by waist. his lips were on your neck, occasionally dragged his front teeth against your skin, threatening to bruise it.

he thought about making a comment about your father once more. really rub it in, but as your expression started to look more relaxed and blissed out. he couldn't bring himself to say it. call him soft.

he continued to rut into you, his heart hammered in his chest as he held you close to him. his chest pressed against yours, your nails dug into his massive back tattoo as the two of you continued to kiss.

it felt primal and hot, it made you core feel like an inferno as you moved. you moaned a little.

"you should be wearing my number next time." he said, "i'll even be nice and say it doesn't even have to be mercedes branded. i know your dad would have a fit if he saw that. remember the ferrari temporary tattoo."

you rolled your eyes, "what did i say about my father, lewis." you remembered the event quite well. you managed to get a ferrari temporary tattoo on your arm as a joke and your father gave you a stern talking to. especially because it was clearly seen in most photos of the event.

you thought it was funny, but you didn't want your old man yapping at you if you strolled up in a mercedes shirt and lewis on your arm.

you kissed once more, you felt the curl of orgasm in your gut as he moved against you. you held his face as you kissed him. you felt warmth pool in your gut.

you held onto him tighter as you felt the orgasm swirl in your body. you panted close to him and said, "i'm close. shit, lewis."

he nodded, "perfect. cum for me, pretty girl." he made it his mission to make you finish. he tightened his grip onto you and really put in the work.

it wasn't long before you were holding onto him as tightly as you could. you tensed up around him and let out a cute, almost pathetic moan as you came.

you still held onto him as you relaxed and let him continue to fuck you. his orgasm was close behind as he really thrusted up into you. your pussy was a wet heat that made his head spin as he finally got to his peak and finished inside of you.

he admired the sight of your face as he moved through his orgasm. he eventually slowed down to a stop and panted heavily as he looked down at you. he admired the sight of you for a moment, he kissed you once more and said.

"i really wonder if your father knows. about all this. that you'll one day be my mrs. hamilton." he smiled as he gave you a soft thrust in effect.

"shut up, hamilton." you said as you reached to his face and covered it with your hand.

you laid there in a sweaty mess. you watched lewis get out of bed to grab his phone from his pants pocket. he came back and knelt between your legs. earlier he wanted to film the entirety of you fucking, but thing moved a little too fast for that.

he did however prod at your pussy with his fingers and watched his pearly cum ooze of your fucked hole. he filmed it briefly for his personal collection. how he ruined horner's daughter for any other man.

when he finished filming, he took a few photos of you naked body. he'll be needing this in the weeks to come. in fairness, if he ruined you for other men. then you ruined him for other women.

one last picture of your pretty pussy and he was content.

"lewis." you said.

"yes?" he asked as he got a close up photo of your face as you still panted heavily, coming down from your high. the sight made him hard once more.

"oh, you pervert." you said as you reached for him.

-

the following weekend you were around the paddock as usual. you had greeted your father earlier and he was happy to see you. you kept your hands behind your back as to make sure your old man didn't see what was around your wrist.

but when lewis saw it, he felt a curl of possessiveness in his gut. he even went as far as to take your wrist and looked at the gold bracelet. on it was a charm that was two simple numbers, '44'. lewis kissed your wrist and looked into your eyes.

"next time." he said, "i'll get you something a little more noticeable. that you can't hide from your dad." he chuckled. he really was a menace. <3

[evanstanhoney]

♢Track 2//Nervous♢

a/n: if you’ve seen She’s the Man (2006) then this may feel familiar. It’s up there with one of my all-time favorite movies. It’s just so fun! I highly recommend watching it...anyway enjoy this! 

⚠️warnings: none. 

word count: 1.3k

It was barbaric. Absolutely archaic. But it was for charity, and after some prodding from your sorority sisters you agreed to it.  

A  kissing booth. 

Every year the sororities and fraternities of your school would come together for a carnival. The proceeds would all go to a charity chosen that year. It was tradition.There was a variety of different things, traditional carnival games and rides, and then that damned kissing booth. You’d avoided it your freshman and sophomore year, your sorority sisters deeming you too innocent to participate. But it was your senior year, and the kissing booth was a rite of passage of sorts, and your friends weren’t going to let you graduate without being at the booth.

The concept was simple enough, every ride and game costs a certain amount of tickets. The kissing booths fee? A meer three tickets. You thought it was cheap, but you didn’t say anything, reminding yourself that it was for a good cause. For every three tickets you had to kiss whoever came walking up to the booth. You didn’t give them more than a peck despite some of them going in for more, you simply pulled away, gave them a tight lipped smile and sent them on their way with a ‘Thank you’. 

You were only at the booth for 5 minutes and had kissed what felt like 25 guys (and the occasional girl), when suddenly you saw him. The kid you’d had your eyes on for nearly your entire academic career at uni. 

Shawn. 

You went the first semester without even knowing the kids name. All you knew was that he was tall, incredibly tall. With gorgeous eyes, and a killer smile. And those curls. Goddamnit those curls! He’d been growing it out recently and you had taken notice, how that one curl that always managed to dangle in front of his face, dangled just a little bit more. Upon further investigation, and interrogation of your friends, you’d learned that he was Canadian, but came to school for your schools amazing anthropology program. He was a smart and played the guitar and according to everyone he could sing. You’ve never heard him, but you’re positive he’s got the voice of an angel. The only thing that made you question him was the fact he was in a fraternity. And a Delta at that, the most notorious on campus for their womanizing ways. But you were willing to forgive him, he didn’t seem like that. Maybe you were putting too much faith in him because you thought he was a god walking amongst men, but regardless….you were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

There were only a few people keeping you from being face to face, and you could practically feel your stomach doing somersaults. You made ever kiss just a tad bit shorter, quickly shooing them away until there he was, in front of you, three tickets in hand. 

What you didn’t know was that he had had his eye on you equally as long, if not longer. He’s convinced you don’t even remember the first time you met. It was freshman year, finals season. You were clamoring your way out of the library after pulling an all nighter, luging your backpack onto your shoulder not at all looking where you were going. He was on his way in, being equally oblivious to the world around him on his phone when you bumped right into him. He steadied you from falling over. You blurted out a robotic ‘Sorry’ and he smiled down at you stepping out of your way and giving you a ‘don’t worry about it’. Your eyes were bloodshot with the lack of sleep, but somehow Shawn thought you were just the cutest thing. 

He thought about you for a long time after that. Then he saw you at a fraternity event, that your sorority was invited to and that’s when he knows you saw him for real. He played it cool. Didn’t want to come off as some stalker following you around so he didn’t say a word. But he did see you, looking at him and quickly turn away suddenly more involved in a conversation when he turned your way. Just as you had done, he’d integrated his friends trying to find out anything and everything about you. His buddies thought it was funny, poking fun at him about his little crush, to which he’d just blush and tell them to ‘shut up’. They’d somehow caught wind of you being at the kissing booth at the carnival and didn’t hesitate to tell Shawn. He didn’t want to participate at first, thought the concept of a kissing booth was outdated and a little demeaning. At the same time...this was his chance. Kind of. So eventually he agreed. He stepped away from his duties at his own booth, to buy his three tickets and got in line to kiss you. 

His stomach was in knots the whole time he was in line, biting the inside of his cheek and shifting his weight from one foot to the other, nearly bouncing on his heels. 

Then there he was….right in front of you. Cool calm and collected. At least so you thought. He clears his throat, holding out his three tickets. 

“Here - here ya go.” you take the tickets from his hand and place them in the little jar next to you. “Do I just-” 

“Yeah um you can just sit.” you smile face heating up. You didn’t say anything for a bit, both of you just staring at each other with dopy grins on your faces, and it should have been awkward but it wasn’t. It was oddly intimate. 

“Hurry up!” some guy behind him yells snapping the two of you out of your little days. 

“Okay just...relax.” Shawn says through gritted teeth turning to the guy behind him. He looks just past him and sees his buddies, smiling at him him encouraging him to get it over with. This is the closes he’s been to you since the day that you ran into him freshman year and he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.

What he didn’t know was that you were just as much a nervous wreck as he was. You had no idea what to do. Where do you put your hands? Should you include tongue? No definitely not. But a peck is just silly right? If you were going to kiss him, you really wanted to kiss him. 

It was  your hesitation that got him in his head. 

“You know what, you don’t have to - it’s fine. You can just take my tickets.” 

“No!” you say a little too eager, and yo watch as the smirk graces his lips. 

“It’s for charity.” You reason. “For the people.” you shake your head, /stupid./

“For the people.” He chuckles. 

And with that he leans in, placing his large hand on your cheek, caressing it, and pulls you in bringing your lips to his.

They are softer than you imagined they’d be. You can taste the mint from his chapstick and wonder just how long he’d prepared for this moment. 

“Alright, alright. We get it, it’s a kissing booth. Let her up for air, bro.” Shawn hears, Brian behind him. 

“Sorry.” He chuckles, rubbing your cheek with his thumb before he pulls away. 

“It’s okay…”

“So how long are you supposed to be here?”

“Another fifteen minutes, I think.” You say rolling your eyes. 

“Well when you’re done, I’m over at the ring toss on the other side.I should be done about the same time. Maybe we could explore this place together? Check out some of the rides?” 

“Yeah, I’d - I’d like that.” You smile, and he nods. 

“Great. I’ll see you in like...twenty?”

“That works.” he stands up, shoving his hands in his pockets. He wants to give you one final peck for the road but he stops himself. “Thanks um...for the tickets.” 

“Your welcome” He chuckles, and tossing you a wink. He couldn’t help himself. 

Yeah, the kissing booth was definitely worth it. 

tag list: @outlandishnerd @justanotherfangurl272 @itrocksmysocks @turtoix @fallinfortom @thatkidwhodreams @rainbowshawn

masterlist // tell me what you think? // requests? // wattpad // ao3

[havenesa-sera-fina]

Hidden Marks [5: Drunk Confession]

Summary: Wrapping his own arms around her shoulders, Namjoon pulled her in, resting his head on the crown of her head, his heart beating steadily, which Sera heard and smiled to herself. Even with his odd lengthy limbs, they fit together perfectly, "Sera, I'm falling in love with you, that I want to convince you not to go, but I trust you. I just want you to be happy, to never cry over us again. I can't promise you that if you choose to stay with us, everything will be rainbows and sunshine, but I promise you that we won't give up on you, on this relationship. We're not perfect like everyone thinks we are, we're not the perfect bunch of soulmates, we have problems as a group and individuals, secrets that we all keep, burdens that we try to carry on our own. Though we all have each other, to fall back on when things get brought, and that includes you now. We're soulmates, so if anything happens, don't be scared to tell us.

(Poly BTS/OT7 x Reader/OC)

College Au / Soulmate Au

Disclaimer: Bts isn't my or any real life people (obviously.) Any other characters are my though. This is my story so do not republish this anywhere or I will report.

There maybe some triggers, but I will address them within the chapters.

Sources: Wattpad

Word count: 2466

"Canada ain't real and that's the tea sis." I pronounced randomly, walking side by side with Baekhyun through the fairground. Cotton candy in one hand, and beer in another.

It was a Saturday, so the fairground was packed with people, but it didn't stop us and our crazy antics. We've been here for only an hour, and we've moved onto our third cup of beer. Considering the fair was close to the college, there were a ton of uni students, all with the same idea to just get drunk tonight.

I invited Kimie to join us, after an awkward discussion of, 'if I was alright or not.' It ended up with me apologizing and Kimie just saying she was glad that I'm alright. She ended up declining as she was tired from the week that was filled with nothing best tests for her.

Somewhere in the week, I did end up calling the hospital to get more medicine, after embarrassingly explained what had happened. They offered therapy for me, but I declined as I knew therapy wouldn't help me. Because I already knew the types of questions and suggestions they were gonna tell me.

I haven't talked to Lilia yet and managed to just straight up ignore her boyfriends, which wasn't hard. We had no classes together and pretty sure we were all majoring in different things.

So it was just Baekhyun and me, and I was fine with that.

"Are you drunk already darling?" Baekhyun snorted, chugging down the rest of his beer and disposing of the cup in a nearby trash can, "We literally visited Canada for our high school senior trip dumb ass."

"It's all a ruse and Russia created Canada to watch over the US."

At that, we both giggled like little girls, feeling buzzed from the alcohol and the night just started, "Nothing in this world is real!" I yelled out, garnering a few weird looks from the older people at the fair, "it's all figments of our imagination!"

He bumped shoulders with me slightly, "Shut up you drunk."

Baekhyun was always a mean drunk.

It didn't take long for the hours to go by, with Baekhyun and I got a beer and more beer along with food, getting on rides and luckily not throwing up. There were attempts to play some carnival games, but that just ended up with me throwing a ball at him.

"What the hell you bitch!" Baekhyun yelled after I somehow threw the ball at him instead of in front of me at the plates, "my beer!" Sadly the impact caused him to drop his beer.

The vendors were staring at the two college students with amusement, not upset by the ruckus they were causing.

"Shut up you pink starburst," I yelled back, only to giggle. I was more than buzzed and tipsy, and this was always the best feeling as I bid the cute vendor guy goodbye, before dragging Baekhyun away, "I'll buy you more."

We were walking a little out of line, leaning against each other for support as we laughed over the most random things, our drunk mind thinking a blue cotton candy was worthy of laughing our ass off.

So drunk that we ended up bumping into someone.

A numbing feeling came over me, but I ignored it, the alcohol did its job to hide the feelings I didn't want to confront.

I met the most enchanting gray eyes I've ever seen, and couldn't help but giggle as I felt Baekhyun lean more of his weight against me, causing me to stumble, "Funny seeing you here Taetae!" My voice slurred slightly, as I raised my half-drunk beer up to him, "want to get fucked up with us?"

Taehyung stared amusingly at Sera, how some pieces of her light brown hair stuck to her face due to sweat. A pair of beautiful amber eyes stared at him, finally looked at him, even if it was through a drunken haze as a playful smirk played at her lips. His heart never pounded this painfully, but his eyes flickered to where Baekhyun was all but wrapped around her side and he wanted to tear them apart.

"How much did you drink exactly Noona?" He asked, voice dipped slightly when he said Noona, his eyes never leaving Sera's as she didn't bother to look away either, "you're never this friendly."

"Don't be silly! We're so much closer than you think," she then pushed the beer into his hands, along with an uneaten churro she bought few moments before they bumped into each other, "You should get drunk with us, Hyunnies beginning to get boring."

"Shut up you bitch!"

Sera didn't take offense to Baekhyun, as she slightly detached herself from him and looked back up at Taehyung, who stared on with slight fascination. He liked the way her cheeks flushed slightly, and wanted her to just keep staring at him, "You sure you ain't drunk already?"

"Not even buzzed! Where's Lilia anyway, why ain't you with her?"

Truth be told, Lilia and his six soulmates were somewhere in this fairground. They had all went together, but he and Lilia still weren't in talking terms, and not being able to stand the tense atmosphere, he excused himself from the group. Jungkook offered to accompany him, but he stated he wanted to be alone, before walking off.

"Let's not worry about her," he mumbled, before mentally saying fuck it, and chugging down the rest of Sera's beer, "lets gets fucked up tonight."

Both Baekhyun and Sera cheered at his words, as the pink-haired boy quickly went to get more beer.

Sera, the alcohol influencing her, instantly attached herself to Taehyung's side, "Taetae let's go on the Ferris wheel okay? Hyunnie and I haven't been on there yet."

Taehyung wasn't use to this, wasn't use to her being so friendly and close to him.

Sera had always been so cold and distant towards him and his other her soulmates, barely even muttering a word when any of them were near, let alone invite him or the others to get wasted with her. To have her so close, to feel her breathing as she wrapped her arms around one of his, a drunken smile on her lips. She was a drunken beauty, despite always, in general, being beautiful in his eyes, especially now she didn't have a blank expression on her face, and was now staring at him with so much.

It caused something to stir within him.

Even in his head was telling him that this wasn't right, that he had his soulmates and his girlfriend somewhere in this fairground. That he should push her away and go back to his group, but his soul was telling him to stay. That this was where he belonged.

"Yeah," he breathed in, just basking in her presence because he knew, once Sera was sober again, she would never look at him the way she is now, "anything you want."

Baekhyun came back, and seemed unfazed by the clingy Sera, and pushed a beer into each of their hands, and took the churro from Taehyung, "Hurry up dude, you got catching up to do."

Grinning slightly, just for this night, Taehyung would be selfish and indulge himself. Because while his head was screaming at him that this was all wrong, he never felt so sure with Sera holding onto him.

*****

"Fucking shit I'm gonna throw up," Taehyung frowned, leaning against a tree as he gulped down the rest of his water, "What time is it," he grumbled.

"Like 3 am," Baekhyun replied, patting the other man back in slight comfort.

They passed the stage of being stupid drunks, to being sober drunks. Not saying stupid shit and stumbling on their words, but still marking poor life decisions and most likely will not remember the type of drunk. The best type of drunk stage to just have a deep and philosophical discussion. Make confessions, because it'll be a miracle if any of them remembers what transpired.

Groaning, I looked down at the two boys on the ground, making myself comfy on top of the jungle gym I managed to climb. The cool air somewhat calming down the heat I felt as I gazed at Taehyung. Despite his need to throw up, I couldn't help but find him enchanting, especially underneath the moonlight.

The fair had closed three hours ago, and the three of us had jumped all over the place. To a bar for more drinks, a convenience store, onto college campus where we ran away quickly when we saw a security guard. Which we wouldn't have even gotten in trouble because we were students, but we're stupid drunks. Then we ended up at Baekhyun's apartment to get his car keys, but we were smart enough and just raided his kitchen, and now we found ourselves at a park in whom no gods nowhere. My phone luckily still at 20% as Baekhyun's at 80% because he was smart enough to charge it at the convenience store as we ate to our heart's content.

"You comfy over there cutie?" Taehyung called out, gray eyes meeting with clashing amber ones, a hint of amusement in them as he began to walk towards the jungle gym as well.

"You can't come up here if you're going to throw up!" I laughed, watching as he stumbled his way up the stairs, Baekhyun following him. My mark burning slightly, but not in an unpleasant way, as the alcohol in my system telling me everything was fine. My reasoning long gone as I accepted Taehyung company for tonight or morning or whatever.

"Jesus, we're going to get alcohol poisoning," Baekhyun groaned, as the two boys finally reached the top, where Sera was and seated themselves, "Where even are we?"

"Some park."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Taetae! Hyunnie's being mean! He's always a mean bitchy drunk."

The man in the middle only laughed, sounding like bells and causing my cheeks to flush, "come here cutie, I'll protect yah," he held out his hands and made grabbing motions towards me.

My heart skipped a beat with how adorably handsome he looked. Somewhere in the haze of the alcohol, my mind was telling me to stop, that I would regret this later, but my soul was telling me that I belonged in his arms.

So I listened to my soul and all but lunged into his arms. Instantly they wrapped around me securely, and while he reeked of alcohol, there was still a faint cinnamon smell to him as I buried my face into his chest. He was so warm compared to the chilly air night, and I didn't ever want to move away from here.

"I'm gonna gag," Baekhyun spoke somewhere in the background, before pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of the two. For later uses as in to blackmail Sera with whenever he wanted free food and possibly gossip with Kimie. Like he'll ever go behind Sera's back and expose her secret.

He was a mean drunk, but not a bastard of a drunk.

"I should," I mumbled, finding some reason within myself, and began to push myself away from Taehyung. While it felt so right and comforting to be in his arms, I knew it was wrong, "Lilia's my friend..."

Something in Taehyung panicked as he felt Sera pull away from him, causing him to tighten his grip and pull her back. Burying his nose in her soft hair, he breathed in her blueberry scented hair wash, "Lilia isn't my soulmate," he spoke, voice husky and deep, "Plus, all she's been doing is talking shit about you all week, I don't think she sees you as a friend anymore."

I should be bothered by his words, tell him he was wrong and try to defend my friendship.

However, I knew a long time ago we stopped becoming friends. We stopped being friends when I made the decision to keep my soulmates a secret from her. Maybe we stopped being friends a long time ago.

"She hates me because I killed her soulmate," I spoke bluntly, not being able to control my mouth and thoughts, "It's my fault why he's dead. That's why she took my own soulmates from me."

"Who's your soulmate cutie," his lips were close to my ear, as I felt his warm breath against my cheeks. It caused the most delightful shiver to run down my back, as my marks burn, not in pain, but in such an addicting feeling.

His hands went to my shoulders, before slowly trailing down my arm. So dangerously close to the very thing I kept hidden all these years. To the very thing I was so tired of hiding, "Won't you tell me, sweet Sera," his little nickname caused another shiver, "I always knew my little girlfriend was keeping secrets from us and I never liked it. Like she was trying to paint a different image of herself, that's far from reality."

The way he addressed Lilia as his girlfriend, I didn't like that at all as it caused me to feel a slight bitterness and jealousy. I should be Taehyung's girlfriend, not Lilia. I was his soulmate for crying out loud, I was all of their soulmates.

"You gave up on me," I mumbled, but I knew he heard, "If you just waited for one more year, you could have had all your seven soulmates."

"Is it really too late to find my other one? When she's so...so close."

"Shut up, you don't deserve me anymore. You gave up on waiting and began dating my best friend!" I raised my voice slightly and heard Baekhyun whine slightly in the background, "do you know how much it hurts to see all you guys together?"

Baekhyun, who knew he should shut Sera up, stop this discussion and pull the two away. However, he couldn't bring himself to, as he accepted being the third wheel as he went on his phone.

After all, all three have a better chance of getting alcohol poisoning then remembering anything that happened tonight.

Grumbling to himself, he scrolled through his contacts and clicked on a name: Nam fucking annoying Joon.

He didn't have a personal hatred towards Namjoon or any of the seven soulmates but didn't like them at the same time. They were the reasons why his friend was always in constant pain.

He grumbled slightly, then types away on the keyboard:

Hey it's Baekhyun. Come pick up your drunk boyfriend. We're at the park near the high school that's like ten miles away from the college. I'll send you our location.

Instantly he got a reply, to which he only rolled his eyes:

Why is he with you?

Ask him yourself. 

[thereddieficlibrary]

Reddie College/Uni Masterlist pt 1

sixteen weeks by Redburn (17/18 | 81588 | explicit)

“Well, I mean…” Richie starts, as if this entire situation was like any other reasonable discussion he’s had. “We can, if you really want to. I’m game.”

Eddie chokes on the coffee that was still running down his throat. He looks at Richie as if he’d just grown several heads. Surely it couldn’t be this simple, right? “Um, what?”

Richie remains nonchalant. “Roommates with benefits, you said? Not the worst idea ever.”

(Or, Eddie and Richie are roommates in college and one day decide to start casually hooking-up. Things go about as well as expected.)

Find Your Fire by endversed (1/1 | 16354 | teen)

Richie Tozier meets a cute firecracker of a guy when he accidentally sets off the fire alarm in his apartment.

It's just too bad that said guy has got a boyfriend - doesn't he?

your heartbeat is the only sound I wanna hear by eddiefuckinkaspbrak (8/8 | 16008 | explicit)

Richie meets a very interesting young man at his university's library and is determined to be able to talk to him.

or deaf!eddie au

walk alone or run away by tozier (1/1 | 46891 | explicit)

Richie Tozier is Eddie Kaspbrak’s rival. At least, that’s what Eddie says to everyone who will listen—including Richie most of the time.

Richie Tozier is a man, not of lies, but of half-truths and truths said too plainly out in the open that they sound like lies to the untrained ear. He does not lie—he lets others lie for him.

or, a college au where lots of things go wrong and some very important things go right.

Coffee and Carnival Bears by StarshipDancer (1/1 | 7198 | teen)

"Eddie Kaspbrak knew how many germs were in a person’s mouth, and he would only swap spit with his fucking soulmate."

Finding your soulmate should be pretty straightforward, but not for Eddie. Not when there were two possible candidates, and he had no idea which one it fucking was.

I'd Rather Cut Out My Tongue Than Let You Kiss Me With Yours by inoubliable (1/1 | 7288 | explicit)

Eddie hooked up with Richie only once, way back in freshman year. Richie never texted him afterward. Eddie thinks he has learned his lesson.

(He hasn't.)

--

And it would be hot, except Richie’s an asshole. Like all attractive college-aged guys with angular jaw lines and sharp hipbones, Richie Tozier is a fuckboy. And Eddie Kaspbrak does not fuck fuckboys. At least, not more than once.

a (number) neighborhood of seven by BookRockShooter (32/? | 33688 | teen)

Richie decides to text his number neighbors - all at once. Thus, the "number neighbors wassup" group chat is born.

-

modern day au where richie literally just makes a gc with his number neighbors and it's the losers, but they don't know each other irl... yet

let's hear it for the boy(s) by Kandakicksass (1/1 | 6531 | teen)

In which Richie and Eddie go to different colleges, and all of their friends are curious about their unnamed significant others - right up until those significant others come to visit and everyone is both shocked and confused.

Aka, Tumblr user starstruck-stargazing's amazing idea, which I have gleefully expanded into a fic.

dreamboat by weepies (5/5 | 47558 | not rated)

“What are you? A third grader? What the fuck is this?” Eddie asks. He looks at Richie, confused.

“A list of fun stuff to do, duh. Can’t you read? I thought you were studying creative writing.” Eddie glares at Richie, who raises his hands in surrender as he chuckles. “Okay, okay. Hear me out. Your professor tells you to write what you know, and you said you don’t know anything. Well, sugar, here’s your opportunity to learn something about yourself.”

Dumbfounded, Eddie cannot tear his eyes away from Richie, his mouth agape. “You’re insane,” Eddie says. “And proud,” Richie replies.

... In which Eddie Kaspbrak is a writer with no ideas, and Richie Tozier is a coffee shop employee bursting with creativity.

Most Beloved by idaemilia (9/9 | 41820 | mature)

"But he had eyes like rain and hair like waves and a soul as vast and deep as the ocean and I guess I didn't mind drowning in him" -xvaniex on tumblr

Eddie keeps pining for Richie who is too blind to see it. But maybe he already knows.

Fall Away From Me (I Just Can't Take It) by The_lazy_eye (6/6 | 19675 | explicit)

It’s okay, though, Eddie tells himself. It’s all fine. This is part of their arrangement. This is a casual thing they have going. It’s his own stupid fault for catching feelings for someone he agreed to casually fuck. Especially when that person is his best friend from childhood.

Only the Good Die Young by happytreasure (10/10 | 36881 | explicit)

Eddie Kaspbrak is starting his senior year of college when Beverly Marsh decides to sit down next to him in his first class of the year. She later introduces him to her tight knit group of friends, and ultimately Richie Toizer, who ends up drastically changing Eddie's life.

Suddenly he's exposed to a world he thought only existed in fairytales, and despite all the new dangers that come with it, Eddie’s never felt more alive.

It just so happens his new found happiness comes at a price.

To the guy at the bus stop: by Ragno (8/8 | 43020 | explicit)

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, especially if the other side of the fence is Ireland and the grass is Eddie living his own life for the first time ever away from his mom. An International Students Exchange Program is what he needs to finally stand up for himself and doing what he really wants. Who cares if he won't know anybody there? Who cares if he'll be alone in a foreign country? Who cares if he won't have his car and will need to take the bus to go anywhere?? Okay, maybe Eddie does care about that last one...

But, hey, at least the real grass is really greener there. Right?

one wave short of a shipwreck by palisadespalisades (5/5 | 16013 | teen)

The problem began when Eddie decided he was going to make out with Stan Uris. Make out, possibly take on some dates, maybe hook up — the details of what they’d do were still kind of up in the air, but Eddie was sure of one thing: to some degree, he was going to do Stan Uris.

(Eddie wants to make out with Stan. Eddie doesn't actually know Stan, which poses a significant barrier on the making out front. He does know Stan's bandmate, Richie, though, and from that, he formulates a plan. Shenanigans ensue. Inspired by the music video for Shura's "What's It Gonna Be?")

Black on Black by sunxcherries (1/1 | 6941 | explicit)

Eddie licks his lips. “Who deserves to put their hands on me?”

Richie’s staring at him like he’s not sure if Eddie is real. In all honesty, Eddie’s half-convinced that he’s dreaming—worried that he’s gonna wake up back in his dorm with his dick aching under his covers, Richie snoring soundly across the room.

As it is, Richie is standing in front of him in the middle of a college party looking like he could eat Eddie alive.

Star Struck by a_day_in_derry (6/6 | 6013 | mature)

Eddie is suddenly falling head over heels, and he has no idea what to do.

Based on a prompt from @gabriellefe on tumblr: "I came up to your apartment to ask you to turn down your music and have quieter sex, but it turns out that you've just been jumping up and down on your bed in your underwear listening to music alone"

Un Nouveau Soleil by eddiefuckinkaspbrak (3/3 | 33353 | explicit)

It was three months into his first year that Richie met Eddie for the first time. Edward Frank Kaspbrak. The man who would become the love of his life.

And Richie had no idea.

or: Richie is the heir to the British Throne who decides to study abroad at Harvard University. There, he meets Eddie Kaspbrak and they fall in love...duh.

The Blind Box by tinyarmedtrex (10/10 | 20493 | mature)

Eddie works at Gamestop and a dark haired stranger comes in and starts flirting with him. Eddie doesn't think much of it until they keep meeting.

Another College AU! Because why the hell not

Nightmares by MargotCelvin (33/33 | 134345 | teen)

Richie Tozier is trying to start over in New York. He left California behind and wants to leave his old life there as well. The only thing holding him to his old life are the nightmares that have plagued him for so long. But is there something in New York that can cure him of this disease?

[scullyy]

Days With You

Title: Days With You / Chapter One

Pairing: Clementine x Louis

Word Count: 1945

Summary: Clementine and Louis enjoy their first (impromptu) date.

A/N: I’ve been wanting to try a modern au for a while now, it’s nice to take a break from the walkers :P This was originally a 9k fic that I ultimately broke down into smaller chapters. It’ll be an ongoing series of events between Clementine and Louis throughout their time at university.

-

So many damn sounds.

Were carnivals always this loud?

Clementine adjusted the headphones in her ears, trying to drown out the noise. How Marlon and Louis convinced her to join their expedition to the carnival was beyond her. The bright lights of the stalls and sketchy rides could make the moon blush.

“Earth to Clem,” Marlon waved his hand in front of Clementine's face, her eyes meeting his. “You got your ticket?”

She pulled the blue stub out of her back pocket, displaying it in all its scrunched mess. Marlon nodded, grateful that someone was organised.

“According to Marlon, an organised day is a fun day,” Louis whispered to her. She jumped slightly at his intrusion, despite his voice being very timid. “But it is a social day, so no headphones Missy.”

He yanked both headphones out of her ears, placing one into his own. “My Chemical Romance, seriously? Remind me to create a playlist for you.”

She snatched the headphone out of his ear, chucking them back into her satchel. “I like my style of music thank you very much. I don't need you recommending me The Sound of Music, again.”

“I'm just saying, Julie Andrews never gets old.” Louis flashed his ticket to the woman standing at the kiosk, giving him a tired smile as he entered, Clementine following closely.

“I still reckon we should have gone to the bar.” Violet gave an obvious look of disgust at a little boy running past her, hitting her thigh in the process.

“Chin up Vi, it’ll be fun.” Ruby gushed, earning an eye-roll from said girl.

The group of eager and annoyed young adults set up station at a picnic table, the smell of grease from the hotdog stand was enough to make Clementine’s stomach hurt.

“So, where does everyone want to go first?” Marlon asked as he flattened out the map in front of everyone.

“I’d like to watch the horse show, scope out the competition y’know,” Ruby said as she pointed to the cartoon horse in the centre of the map.

Louis gave Aasim a gentle nudge to the shoulder, bravely winking at him despite the death stare Aasim was sporting.

“Alright, since we’ll most likely never decide, let’s just go where we want and meet at this food stand in two hours.”

Everyone seemed to enjoy that plan, running off into different directions. Clementine began to wander aimlessly around the carnival, enjoying how the fairy lights glowed against the night sky. It was peaceful being on her own.

It was disturbed as Louis’s presence appeared beside her, so much for peace. Whenever Louis was around her heart fluttered, everything about him was somehow attractive, even when they were in high school and he was a total dork.

“You have any idea where to go?” He chirped in her ear. “Cause I don’t.”

“I was just gonna walk till something caught my eye. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a carnival, don’t really remember what it’s like.” Memories of holding both her parents' hands slipped through the cracks. Her dads’ laughter echoed, taunting her.

“You cool Clem?”

Clementine snapped back into reality just as quickly as she fell out of it. “Yeah, just thinking about my parents.”

Louis slowly nodded, not daring to press the subject further. Despite having known her for a few years, the mystery surrounding her parents remained strong as ever. She had her adoptive father, Lee Everett and her little brother AJ - whom she loved dearly - but they couldn’t fully replace what she lost as a child.

Louis searched the nearby area, desperate for something that would make her happy again. The bright blue light of the High Striker grabbed his attention. A plan began to form in his mind, a risky one...but to see Clementine smile?

She was always worth it.

Louis walked to the machine, flashed the oddly young worker his ticket and confidently gripped the mallet. It was moments like these when he was glad he played baseball as a kid. Although this was the only time he has ever needed those skills.

“What are you doing?” Clementine questioned. She didn't like the cheeky sparkle in his eyes, it usually ended in trouble.

“If I can ring this bell, you have to go on a date with me.”

“What?”

“You plus me equals a date. Deal?”

Before she had a chance to speak Louis raised the mallet in the air, taking in a deep breath before slamming it down on the red button. Clementines shoulders fell as the lever flew to the top of mechanism, hitting the bell sharply.

Louis couldn't stop the grin he was sporting. “So, a date it is m'lady.”

She was almost at a loss for words, at his offer and strength. Knowing that fighting him would result in an endless battle, she accepted his request. “Do you have it planned out?” Clementine matched his grin, her heart running like a freight train

Louis motioned to the bustling carnival around them. “Right here, right now. Clementine, will you go on a date with me?” He bowed down dramatically to his princess, a nickname he only ever referred to when he was alone.

“Okay.” She answered without thinking, her desires influencing her mind.

Louis by taken aback by her answer, expecting some sort of argument from her. “Ah, well let’s check out the Ferris Wheel. I hear it’s got the best view of the forest.”

He took her hand slowly, desperate not to piss her off, but shockingly she grabbed tightly and let herself be dragged through the crowd. His stomach starting doing mad flips, how were her hands so soft? He didn’t let go till they were inside the small compartment, against his own wishes. The compartment was dangerously rickety and small, definitely not up to code. Their knees clashed together as they shimmied onto the cold seats.

“I don’t know how you convinced me to come tonight,” Clementine laughed as the ride went into motion, hoping the darkness would conceal her blush at being in such a close proximity to Louis. “You know this isn’t really my scene.”

Louis just shrugged. “We all deserve some fun, especially now that uni is starting soon. ”

“Don’t remind me. It feels like yesterday we all started, can't believe it's already been two years.”

Louis gazed at his close friend, who was calmly fidgeting with the rips in her jeans. He remembers the day they met so clearly. She was the mysterious new girl and Marlon was giving her a brief tour of their high school, he was in the music room practising when he first laid eyes on her. She was beautiful, she had always been beautiful to him and he’s always been able to hide how he felt. Until now, seeing her so calm in his presence. 

Clementine turned to him, looking almost embarrassed. “Did you plan to ask me out, or was it just a joke?”

He thought it was obvious, wasn’t it? He’d been flirting with her since the day they met. “My sweet Clementine, I may joke from time to time,”

Clementine scoffed. “That was an understatement.”

“But when it comes to matters of the heart, I do get serious.”

“Wow, you being serious?”

Louis chuckled. “I asked you out because I like-like you and I have for a while now.”

He sure was a wild card, telling her this in a place where she couldn’t run. Louis had always been charismatic, especially towards her. Only her.

It all made sense, the relentless jokes, dramatic serenades and lingering glances. He tried to express himself in his own way.

Their eyes met and she instantly reached out for his hands. The hopeless romantic in him couldn't help but feel weightless and somehow completely grounded all at once. Their fingers laced together, Louis squeezed slightly, proving to himself that this was real.

This is real.

Clementine examined his face, staring at him for a sign. A sign that he was okay with it, a sign that he wasn’t beginning to regret it all. “Louis? I...don't really know how to do the date thing.”

“Neither do I.” He confessed.

Knowing that he was just as confused as she was provided Clementine with some relief. Her hand found its way to the back of his neck and pulled him closer, closing the gap that kept them at a safe distance all these years. Their lips made contact as fireworks exploded in the air above.

“Talk about a movie moment.” Louis smirked into the kiss.

They were eager to stay wrapped up together in their own world, but the sudden halt in movement brought them both back to planet Earth. “Did the ride just stop?” Clementines question had an obvious answer that was starting to settle in.

“I think our chemistry gave the ride a jolt.”

“Fuck he's so smooth.”

Clementine laughed freely with him, despite their current situation. The people in the other carriages were shouting, becoming afraid from being suspended mid-air.

Louis stopped caring about the outside world, hoping that the ride stays like this. “And I'm going to take this all as a sign that you like me back.”

“What gave it away,” Clementine confirmed his number one wish, turning away to catch her breath. “Check it out!” She squealed, getting distracted by the breathtaking sight. Louis looked down below, realising they had made it to the top. The view was spectacular. The trees looked so small and dense. The people looked like dolls, enjoying the night whilst they could before being forced back into their daily routine.

“You were right,” Clementine was in awe. “It is the best view.”

Louis turned back to Clementine. “Yeah, it’s amazing.”

-

They both hopped out of the ride, grateful to feel the ground beneath their feet. Clementine looked at her watch to confirm the time. “I can't believe we spent our two hours stuck on that Ferris wheel.”

“It went by suspiciously fast, so no complaints here,” Louis playfully shoved Clementine. “Did you have fun?”

“I did, thanks for a good date.” She smiled sweetly.

“Just good? That's it, our next date has to be splendid!” Louis punched the air dramatically.

Clementine raised an eyebrow at his candour. “A next date? Who said-”

“Sorry too busy preparing a date for this amazing girl I’ve had a crush on forever, hopefully, she'll say yes.”

All Clementine could do was smile, she wasn't skilled with words, just simple actions. They made eye contact with their friends, all holding prizes and food. Violet seemed to be happier, then again she was holding a pack of chicken nuggets.

“There you guys are,” Marlon sighed. “We haven't seen you two all night.”

Violet wiggled her eyebrows as the other kids began to giggle at all the things two young adults who share feelings for each other could do. It seemed everyone else was aware of the subtle flirting they shared beore Clementine and Louis even acknowleged it.

“We were on the Ferris Wheel, it broke down.” Clementine killed their whispers instantly, she wasn't one for gossip and especially didn't want any rumours about her to circulate.

Marlon eyed down his two friends. “Okay, Violet, Brody and Mitch won't stop pestering me about going to the bar, you guys wanna join?”

Louis and Clem both nodded, walking a little ways ahead of the group to share whispers and secrets they've kept the past few years.

“Am I wrong or are we witnessing the beginnings of love here?” Aasim joked to the others as they watched their friends sink further and further into their feelings.

This was the start of something wild.

[skizmin]

haunted house!au with lee minho

prompt: minho falls in love with the actor that jump scared him inside the haunted house at a carnival

genre: fluff???? would it be anything else???? in my happy angst-makes-me-cry household???? pfft.

for: im sorry this one is lightly gender specific for females!! but the only female not made is about dressing as wendy for a costume party which some of my male readers might be uncomfortable with!! (i didnt even think abt it when writing it bc me and one of my guy friends have respectively gone as peter and wendy to costume parties)

warnings: gore mention stuff but its haunted house costumes, swearing ofc but nothing extreme (no slurs).

yo anyway so minhos one of my three ults wowzas Can He Not?

alright lets get to it

You Are Broke.

your major subject at uni really does cost a lot of money. money you have to provide. it sucks basically

whenever you think abt money you have to hold back tears bc You Have None.

:(((((

sorry anyway

one of your housemates is also broke and loves scouring the internet for quick and easy ways to get money, no matter how crazy they are

one night she comes back with an idea that peaks your interest, probably purely bc your card just got declined ordering a coffee at mcdonalds

“y/n you HAVE to do this one!!!!!”

you sigh like “if its selling my sub topic notes online again, im not doing it. i didnt even know someone could be so harsh about highlighter use???”

your housemate is all pfft im not putting you thru that again

“no!! basically, you get $80 to show up for 2 and 1/2 hours at the haunted house place at that carnival nearby!! dude we gotta, its just to scare the fuck outta people and we can like!! cover ourselves in blood!! n stuff!!”

at first your mind was like lmfao 2&1/2 hours at a haunted house?? no fuckin way

but then you remembered your job only paid you $14.78 an hour so you were doubling your pay in half the amount of time

“when?”

“20 minutes, get out a creepy white dress or something that looks creepy that you can get dirty.”

you fricken ran to your room

you ended up getting a cheap nightgown that you bought to dress up as wendy from peter pan to a costume party, it cost like $2 you really werent sad to see it go

“y/n!! hurry up!! they have makeup there!!”

you bolted out the front door in your nightgown, runners and a big coat with nothing but your wallet phone and keys in your pocket

you were really broke and desperate, youd already accepted it

when you got to the carnival you were in awe, it had been a fair few years since your last one and the colours and lights and pounding music and laughter just

wow, carnivals are so pretty

the guy running the haunted house came in and let you guys in so you didnt pay admission and quickly sat you down at some tables and told you you could do the makeup yourself or got someone else to

you, feeling daring and thinking fuck it, im gonna make the haunted house goers shit their pants, decided to do your own makeup

to pair with your blue nightgown you simply gave yourself extremely dark and sullen eyes with the power of purple eyeshadow, you paled out your lips and gave yourself a lil nosebleed, and on top of that you painted a random creepy looking symbol on your forehead in blood, blackening it our a little with an eyeliner pen to make it seem like it was cut open.

you were lowkey proud of your work

okay now it was show time, you were briefed on where in the house you could stay and you were told how to act and basic rules (no touching, get help if theyre freaking out too much, etc)

so now, you were in the dimly lit narrow hallways of this makeshift house when you heard the tell tale screams of your housemate meaning theres a group coming and theyd just attempted to jump scare them

you hid behind a black sheet, disguised as a wall, before your victims came up through your hallway

you heard some talk of “felix you know its fake, calm down.” before you saw some shadows pass by

the group was big, maybe 10 people? you werent sure, but you went forward with your plan anyway

just after theyd passed your hiding place, you stepped out from behind them and stood idly and innocently in the centre of the corridor before you put your head down and started whistling a nursery rhyme

you heard a few gasps and a few squeaks before you looked up with an unreadable expression

you saw them looking at you and some of the guys ushered some of the others away though one guy stood there looking at you strangely

you just tilted your head at him before taking your OPERATION: SCARE mission a step farther

bringing your hands up to your ears you let out a ear piercing scream and squeezed your eyes shut before running through the group and turning the corner at the end of the small corridor

you heard a soft what the fuck was that and a less soft language! before you turned and waited for them to turn the corner

as they were walking up the corridor however (theyd resolved to moving with just shuffles of their feet) you heard a new voice speak up. it was somewhat playful and honeydew like, especially with the phrase “not gonna lie, they were really fucking pretty.” which was followed by a chorus of “miNHO”’s and “thIs iS NoT The TiME bUddY” and “i think felix is crying”

you were taken aback

did he mean that? was that the one looking at you earlier? what the frick?

you were still blanking out, completely flabbergasted even when the group turned the corner

of course, you were unprepared, you planned to scream a loud “GET OUT!” to them but all that left your mouth was a squeak as you met eyes with the stranger again, red flushing up your neck

you ran away quickly, ducking into one of the rooms dressed up to look like a metal asylum holding centre

“hyung wtf theyre the scariest one yet”

“you guys go ahead, ill be there in a second”

“hyuNG YOURE GONNA GET KILLED DONT YOU WATCH HORROR MOVIES YOU NEVER SPLIT UP!”

“let go jisungie, hyunjins looking at you like you disgust him right now”

a chorus of laughs echoed through the hall

why was honeydew voice not going ahead?

your cheeks were still kinda red as you waited, listening for the male to go away

you slowly inched towards the doorway of the small room you were in, the flashing light behind you somewhat hindering your senses as you peeked through the shredded and knotted white sheet hanging from the top of the doorway but you couldnt see anyo-

“BOO!” “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK” you scReAmed and jumped backwards, only to hear some cakcling from behind the sheet where the boy from earlier had appeared

“WHAT THE HECK KNUCKLES DUDE!”

“heck knuckles?”

“DONT JUDGE ME MY HEART IS BEATING A MILLION MILES PER HOUR RIGHT NOW”

“hmm? really?” you looked up to see the boy smirking playfully at you. 

he looks like a cat

“aH yeAh??? you just scared the crap out of me!!!1!1!!!” you huffed, amused by him behaviour. you heartbeat still hadnt calmed down

“oh? you sure it wasnt just from looking at me?” he leaned in slightly, making the question seem innocent

“mmhm, youre that ugly that i flew halfway across a room.” though the comment was monotonous and you had a bored look in your eyes, it was purely for bantering

“nice try pumpkin, nice try. anyway, when do you finish with the whole im an ugly ghost coming to kill you thing? youre terrible at it by the way.”

your breath hitched and a blush came up your neck

“o-okay listen here, uh, boy! 1, i am Not a Pumpkin. 2, i dont know you. 3, im fucking amazing at this ask your friends and 4, i dont know you” you awkwardly coughed at the end

he furrowed his eyebrows at you “its minho, and the whole point is i want to get to know you.” he beamed at you after this

you felt lightheaded honestly, it was all happening very quickly under weird circumstances

but still, you muttered back to him a soft “i get off at 10:30″

he smiled wider, triumphantly, “10:30?”

you nodded and he took a couple of steps back, out of the room

“see you then i guess!” at this, he winked, before he jogged off to find his friends

you fell back against a wal

lwhat the frick frack paddy whack just happened?

you sighed, hearing the screeching and slam of a metal door, knowing you had to get back to scaring others

like,,, @ 10:33

you had all your stuff and you were walking out from behind the haunted house set up, waiting for your housemate

you honestly didnt think youd see minho. no guy is that persistent, right?

wrong.

“h-hey!!! demon child person!!!” you looked up at this

who the fuck just called me demon child person 

you saw him and holy shit

the haunted house was dark with red lighting in some places and flashing blinding white lights in others, you saw minho and you saw what he looked like, but wow, he was so much clearer now

he was absolutely gorgeous

the carnival lights against his tan skin, his dark hair, his skinny black jeans and big parka coat? you were absolutely mesmerised

suddenly you realised you were staring and he was standing right in front of you

“o-oh, uh, hi?” you could already feel the red on your cheeks

“mm, hey, wanna hang out for a bit?” he smiled at you, you saw a tinge of red on his nose from the cold

“oh, actually i uh, i came with my housemate and-”

“anD THEY’D LOVE TO GO!!” 

suddenly your housemate was next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and telling you to get home safely and asking you to not be too loud before shes nudging you closer to the attractive minho boy and speed walking off

“i gotta say, i like your housemate” minho looked to you with a wide smile. “should we get you some food first?”

you offered him a meek smile and shyly nodded. which he laughed at

“alright then, lets go!” he gripped you lightly by the elbow and led you through the crowd, passing some speedy and tall and colourful rides. you decided to speak up.

“sooo... after you get food, whatd you wanna do?” minho made a contemplating sound before simply saying “i dont mind, i just want to get to know you.”

oh

“uh, okay then, well uh, what do you wanna know?” “to be honest, a name would be great.” minho laughed goodheartedly, you saw the apples of his cheeks rise up and his nose scrunching slightly

“oH! riGht! im uh, im y/n”

this time he turned to you “y/n?” you nodded. “thats a pretty name, it matches you.”

you turned away mumbling a thanks before you realised he’d called you pretty

“woAh wait whAt??? do you?? have no shame??”

this time he giggled

giggled

oh my god your heart practically stopped especially when he steered you to a table for the both of you to sit down

“y/n, i dont know if you noticed but i basically sorta asked you out like 2 hours ago while you were trying to scare me dressed as a demonic creepy child, a really fucking cute one at that, you need to teach me how to do that im in awe. but yeah and then now we’re here on a spontaneous first date which i have no clue what im doing for and i really dont know you at all apart from you act in a haunted house which is pretty interesting but you were just that pretty that i stayed behind in a haunted house to talk to you. now ask yourself again, does minho ever feel ashamed of his blatantly obvious attempts at flirting? the answer however is: when it comes to you? no, never.”

he was smiling proudly at his little monologue whilst you were catching flies in your open mouth

“you...are actually the cheesiest person ive ever fucking met.”

minho laughs once again.

“honestly, ill give you all the compliments in the world if it means youll give me your number or something, even the ones that arent true”

you leaned over the table and slapped his arm lightly, grumbling under your breath about fliritng getting you nowhere in life

he simply rested his elbow on the table and his cheek in his hand, gazing at you and asking you what food you wanted

you ended up being so strung in by his his gorgeous eyes and soft looking cheeks that he had to call your name 3 times and repeat the question

bonus:

after eating some gross junk food and watching the midnight fireworks, minho bought you both fairyfloss and insisted on walking you home saying “its what anyone in their right mind would do” 

you walked along, him explaining his fear of heights and you explaining your situation of brokeness where you take almost any opportunity available

along the way he slinked his fingers through yours and placed them in the pocket of his big parka coat, smiling at you as you ducked your head to look at the ground, where youd started kicking your feet out extra to distract yourself from the affectionate gesture and calm the burning of your cheeks

when you arrived at your house, you fought over who should eat the leftover fairy floss.

you viciously shoved it into his hand, 

“you paid for it and you walked me home even though its late and cold, you keep it.”

minho looked like he was going to fight back for a minute before his eyes lit up

“ill take it on one condition, i get to feed a piece to you.” he beamed at you and you looked at him confused and skeptic

“uhhh, okay i guess?”

he picked a piece off of the stick and held it in front of you, you opened your mouth for it and he placed it in

before it could melt and you could smile at him however, you felt his hand on your cheek and a hand on your lower back tugging you forward to rest his lips on yours, moving his lips against them a total of three times before pulling back

“i know i shouldve asked, but id buy you fairy floss every day if i got to do that once.”

you were a stuttering mess, your mind was fuzzy, you missed the feeling of him so close to you already

“uh-i, i um. wow uh yeah. uhhh, yeah no its fine i um,,,, i didnt mind it actually. wait no, i uh, i really liked it?”

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

minho is BEAMING OH MY GOD

biggest smile of the century goes to lee minho, born in 1998

youre so red it isnt funny and he just moves the hand that was on your cheek to loosely grab at your fingers

“mm, okay then y/n, maybe if you wash the fake blood off of your face and text me ill kiss you again, for as long as you want.”

if your face was red before

oh god

oh god

you squeaked and nodded as he chuckled, lightly kissing your cheek before backing away

“get some sleep y/n, and message me tomorrow.” with that, he was walking away, leaving you to enter your house and be greeted by a squealing housemate who had witnessed the whole thing

(you took minho up on that offer, and he did kiss you, and it was longer, and it was great until his friend chris walked into minhos living room and saw you both and started screaming about keeping it PG because there were (17 yr old) kids around.)

finish! hope you like it!!

[imagine-hs]

An English Gentleman! - Part 1

The outfit just inspired me and before I knew it, it became something I didn’t intend, but something I’m excited to see how it’ll turn out.

Enjoy this first part of what will surely be an intriguing and action filled short story 😉

Word count: 1372

Warnings: None yet, just meeting cute.

The smell of rain on hot pavement hit your nose the moment you stepped out of the house. A chill ran up your naked arms and you considered going back inside and grabbing a jacket. Yesterday’s thunderstorm had really cooled the air down. After a few seconds you decided to stick it out though. Work would be warm, if not hot, after all and the walk there wasn’t all that long.

As you walked with a bit of a bounce in your step, courtesy of the upbeat music in your ears, you looked around the little town you had called home for about twenty somewhat years now. You knew the streets and houses like the palm of your hand. There was the corner where you had hit a boy over the head in second grade, because he had tried to kiss you. That street there you and your girlfriends had stumbled down after your first alcoholic party. It all was familiar.

Most of the time it was a hugging feeling, but now that you were so close to finishing school and heading off into the world hopefully, it was a suffocating one. You didn’t know anything other than this place. You hadn’t had much money growing up, so holiday trips had usually just taken you deeper into the country. Once you had visited London and it had overwhelmed you. So the thought of finally leaving this place was both exhilarating and terrifying. What if you couldn’t manage? What if you failed? Everyone would know and they wouldn’t be quiet about it.

With a wave of your hand you pushed those thoughts aside. For one it was way too early to think about that. Secondly, you’d worry about it when it came to that. For now you would just take one step at a time.

With all this thinking your way to work had felt even shorter than usual and before you knew it you were standing in front of your local fish and chips shop.

You and your boss got the place ready just in time for the usual lunch rush. You had propped the door open so the smell of fried fish and poatoes would pull people in... besides the fact that it cooled down the place.

You knew most of the customers. Very rarely someone from out of town found their way to this place. It wasn’t exactly famous or anything. With a smile and a cheery attitude you chatted with the locals, about pets, children and work.

“I’m always so glad when you’re here, love, you’re much nicer than that other girl.”, Dolores, an elderly woman who owned the grocery store next door, told you, while she waited for her order.

You laughed. “Thank you, Dolores. But Gina is still new, you have to give her a chance.”

The other woman rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah.”

You grinned. This job wasn’t the worst thing. It sure wasn’t something you wanted to do the rest of your life, but to finance Uni it was pretty good.

“Leave the girl alone, Lor, she’s trying to work.”, Dolores’ friend Abigail, owner of the flower shop across the street, yelled through the shop.

These two came in every day and were a joy to watch, mostly because they always argued about something. Today it was you apparantely.

“I’m being nice. Do you think she doesn’t have time for me to be nice to her?”, Dolores argued.

“Not if it means taking down her co-worker in the process, no.”, Abigail gave back.

This bickering went back and forth until they were both done with their lunches. Then they left arm in arm and usually after leaving a pretty big tip.

At some point during the rush the entrance door had closed, which explained the sweat drops running down your temples. You were about to run over and open the door for the ladies - and to prop it open again - when it swung open from the outside.

“Thank you, young man.”, Dolores cheered.

You frowned. Young man? Not that there weren’t a lot of young men in this town, most of which you knew and had even gone to school with, but none of them would hold the door open for those two. The ladies weren’t all that nice to boys and men in this town, because ‘they always cause trouble and leave it for us women to clean up’, or so they said. Which was why your interest was peaked at the arrival of this polite young man.

The first thing you saw of the new arrival was a beige sneaker with red and green stripes and a green sock. That in and of itself would have been enough to tell you that this guy was clearly from out of town. No one around here, male nor female, had a style like that, nor would their shoes ever be this clean. But that wasn’t the end. The shoes were followed by a pair of legs stuck in a lovely greyish pair of suit pants, topped by an upper body dressed in a vest and jacket to go along with the pants, a nice light blue shirt and a navy tie with crimson stripes and... was that a blanket? It sure looked like the stranger had a massive blanket around his shoulders held in shades of green and beige and black with a stitched in orange cat at the bottom and fringes. Maybe it was meant to be a scarf? You had no idea. The suit alone was fancier than anything you had ever seen around here... and definitely a bit over the top for a quick visit to your local chappy. Not even the bankers from that office two streets over dressed like this.

The outfit alone though would have been enough for a girl to loose her mind and quite some sleep over, but what stunned you into immobility and made your lips form a perfect ‘O’ was the head attached to that well-dressed body. A jawline and cheekbones carved surely by one of the old masters. Raspberry lips curved perfectly, with a lower lip that was a bit fuller and entirely made for some biting. Bright emerald eyes framed by long black lashes and topped by finely tweezed eyebrows. And then there was the hair. Styled to a T, looking like someone had put the softest chocolate mousse to graze this earth on top of that young man’s head. It just asked you to run your fingers through it.

The entire shop stared at the newcomer, like he wasn’t just from out of town, but from an entirely different planet. You wondered if that was how all the men in London dressed, because if so you could not WAIT to go there for work.

“Hello.”, he said, with a voice like caramel on sandpaper.

You gulped. “Hey there. What can I get you?”

Had that actually been your mouth that had just spoken those words? You couldn’t believe it. You had been sure nothing would have been able to leave your dry throat and stunned lips.

The stranger smiled, showing a row of perfect, white teeth. He ordered, but it took a moment for the words to register in your mind and another few seconds for you to understand them. The young man’s smile turned a bit lopsided and he finally seemed to realise that everyone was staring at him.

“Did I do something wrong?”, he asked, with an accent that wasn’t exactly posh. You couldn’t place it at the moment.

You chuckled and shook your head. “No, it’s just... you’re not from around here, are you?”, you asked, finding your feet and hands going through the motions without much of your aware hand in the matter.

He grinned. “Is it that obvious?” He spread out his arms, stretching the blanket - scarf?- out behind him like a cape.

You laughed. “Just a bit. The highest fashion we get around here is Aunt Louise’s fashion show.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“It’s for her cats.”

“Oh.”, he scratched his neck, “I see.”

Slowly everyone went back to their own conversations and their food, though surely keeping an ear on the stranger and you.

“So what brings you to town?”, you asked, getting out that small talk attitude.

“Just traveling through. I’m on my way back to London after a weekend in the countryside.”

You nodded. You could just see the mansion made from stone, that a guy like him probably had out in the country, where he could sit in his massive library and read all day with a pair of glasses on his nose, that he didn’t necessarily need, but looked stylish and cost more than your entire wardrobe.

“So do you hunt?”, you questioned, taking the fish from the fryer.

He quirked an eyebrow. “No. Why? Do I look like a hunter?”

You shrugged. “You look like someone who doesn’t have enough to do in his life, so he needs a hobby.”

Despite your words coming out way more biased than you had intended, the guy laughed.

“Oh, trust me, I don’t need to fill my time with weird hobbies. And even though my country house is by the sea I also don’t fish.”, he explained, eyes crinkling in amusement.

“I see. So what do you work?”, you took your time salting the fries.

“I’m a singer.”, he told you, watching closely for your reaction.

Your eyes widened. “Really? You must be fairly successful then.”

“You could say that. I’m also an English Gentleman.”, he added.

You frowned. “What does that mean?”, you asked, handing him his order.

He smiled and waved it off. “Not important. Thank you.”

He took it, handed you a crackling pound note and went outside, to eat his food leaning against the window sill.

You stared at him for a while. What a strange guy. What did he mean by being ‘an english gentleman’? Did men need to say that these days? Or was he just super proud of being polite? He was a mystery and if there was one thing you truly loved it was mysteries... especially if they came in the form of handsome strangers.

Finally you looked at the note in your hand and gave a small squeak. Quickly you opened the register and took out the change, then practically ran out the door. He was still leaning there, watching some kids play with a football in the street. A grey-white dog was attached to his arm by a leach. He looked adorable and you really wanted to lean down and pet him, but business first.

“Um, sir, excuse me, but you forgot your change.”, you stuttered.

He turned his eyes to you and your knees started to shake. Man, this guy had a really strange effect on you. He smiled again.

“Oh no, that’s for you.”

Your eyes widened. “I can’t accept that. That is way too much.”

He shrugged, balling up the paper in which his food had been. Wow, he was a quick eater. Your eyes went to the dog, who was looking at you with his head tilted to the side, but you were certain you could see some crumbs around his snout. So maybe the handsome stranger had shared his food. Sweet.

“No, it’s not. You’re going to need that, if you are serious about London. Are you?”

His eyes bore into you and you knew you couldn’t lie to him, no matter how little you knew him.

“Y-yes, I am, but-”

“Then take it. I’ll see you soon.”, he was walking, with his dog, toward a white Mercedes cabriolet. “Oh and the food is excellent.”, he called over his shoulder, before picking up the dog and putting it in a cage in the backseat and getting into the car himself.

You stared after him, as he drove off, wondering what the hell had just happened.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #167

“everything he sees is just blue like him, inside and outside.”

Did the house you grew up in have a big yard? It was fairly decent. Have you ever worked over 50 hours in one week? No. What has been the most difficult class you’ve ever taken? Latin. Do you think teenagers should focus more on their education rather than on relationships? Well, yeah. I mean that as in you should pursue knowledge more than love, but it can of course happen and should be taken seriously. What’s your opinion on couples ‘staying together for the kids?’ Awful idea. Your children don't need to grow up on the sidelines of a dead relationship. It can give them such negative expectations. Did any of the classes you took in high school count towards uni credit? No. Do you think being born was a mistake? No. Have you ever been arrested? No. Has a relative ever been arrested? Don't believe so. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Maybe, idk. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? Not necessarily aliens, but I'm *open* to the possibility that we're just a simulation of a future civilization to learn how their ancestors lived, like we're literally Sims. I lean towards that being false, but. There's astonishing evidence for the possibility we're not "real," though regardless, I stand by the "I think, therefore I am" quote, so I really don't care either way. Do you think your blood is sacred? Uh... no? Have you ever been suicidal? Yeah. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? It was something corrected with the help of medication, LOTS of therapy, and a closure conversation with Jason. Do you hold any holiday special in your heart? Halloween and Christmas, particularly. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Eh, I don't feel like flipping through the list of holidays right now. What’s your favorite book? Why is that? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo because it is a masterpiece of the needlessness for war, as well as The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, though by this point I don't even recall most of the story... I just know I adored it. Who is your all-time favorite author? Don't have one. What do you like about them? N/A Who’s your favorite poet? Poe, of course. What’s your all-time favorite band? How about all-time fave singer? I have too many favorite bands. Singers, Freddie Mercury and Brendon Urie. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What brand of dish soap do you use? Uhhhh idk, I don't wanna go look lol. Do any of your neighbors have dogs? Idk. Growing up, did you listen to country music? Yup, believe it or not. Have you ever dated someone on the football team? No. Do you like tomatoes? I'm not a fan. I can enjoy fresh ones in a small amount in a sandwich/burger, but that's it. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. Do you have any ceramic animals in your house or outside? No. What brand of makeup do you wear? I don’t wear a specific brand. What type of waffles do you like? (Plain, blueberry etc..) Plain or chocolate chip, depending on mood. Do you brush your tongue? Holy shit brush your tongue, dude. What kind of laugh do you have? It's loud and obnoxious as hell. What kind of cell phone do you have? (ex. flip, slider, or traditional.) Touch screen. Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No. Have you ever been enrolled in private school? No. Do you know how to grill a steak? No. Would you ever use an online dating service? No, was on one v briefly and it was. Very much not my thing. I felt like I was hunting for a relationship when I'm way more for it just finding you. Do you like Gushers? YES. Do you have a large dog? No, Teddy and Bentley are both medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. I love big dogs. What is more annoying: A sore throat or a headache? Headaches. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Have you ever gone out of state for a concert? No. When is the last time you went on a date? March. ;____; Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is your favorite board game from your childhood? I hated shopping, so I haven't a clue how it was Mall Madness lmao. I also loved that carnival Cranium game, whatever it was. Have you ever gotten rid of something you shouldn’t have and then really regretted it later? Yeah, senior prom pics. There were some where I actually looked pretty fuck Do you beat yourself up when you make mistakes? Usually. Have you ever tried anything off the Starbucks secret menu? No. Do you have string lights in your bedroom? No, but I'd like them. What is your favorite flavor of tea? Tea is disgusting. Do you have an inspiration board? I have a Pinterest board of hair colors and styles I like. What is your favorite magnet on your fridge? Never paid attention to the ones we have. Do you like to sit in the grass? No. Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? Yeah, we got 'em for when I got my tongue pierced. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? No. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Have you ever crawled through a vent? No. Last time you rode a bike? Years ago. What is something you used to always do but don’t anymore? Uhhhh. Idk. Well actually, I used to always have soda like multiple times a day, but now I go some days without touching it. What is the last thing you broke and how did you break it? Idr. What is the best thing you have received when trick or treating? Reese's, ha ha. What is the worst thing you have received when trick or treating? I hate(d) tootsie rolls. What word do you hate the absolute most? Probably "the 'n' word" or the derogatory term for gays... idk. How many seasons is your favorite TV show in so far? Eight for That '70s Show, but both FMAs don't have seasons. Do you remember getting sung to when you were little? No. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. When was the last time you had blood drawn? Couple days back for more tests. What color eyes does/did your father have? Brown. What do you daydream most about? The future. What names do you like? Alessandra, Damien, Josephine, Luther, Chloe, Evelyn, Evangeline, Vincent, Victor... At what age do you want to start working or at what age did you start? My first job was when I was about 19, I think. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Olive Garden omlllllll. Who was the last person to piss you off? I don't know about pissed. Probably Mom. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yeah. What’s your favorite hairstyle on the opposite sex? I like scene/emo hair too much fuck Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Probably. Which parent are you more similar to? Idk. I'm a pretty even mix of them both. Do you have a lot of self-discipline? Eh, depends. Have you ever been to another country’s capital city? No. What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? Compassion, kindness, an open mind, considerate, creative, difficult to anger, understanding... What smell reminds you of your childhood? Chlorine, gingerbread, rain in the air... Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No, and I wouldn't. When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed?  Second week of February '17. What’s a political issue you have a strong opinion on? Gay rights. Stopping that "oh if (s)he was raped ten years ago, why come out now?" bullshit that's been popular lately. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? Romaine lettuce for Kaiju. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? My bed. Have you ever done a Mason jar craft? No, but most of those that I see are so cute. What are you going to be for Halloween this year? Idk if I'm even dressing up. Do you decorate your front door for holidays? Mom puts up a wreath. What are all the costumes you remember wearing for past Halloweens? I literally remember none. Who is your favorite photographer? Check out mothmeister on Instagram. Cool as fuck. Don't know who takes the pictures exactly, but. Jovana Rikalo/thefirebomb on deviantART is also incredible. Were you shy in high school? Not very. Do you wish karma were real, or are you glad that it isn’t? I wish it was. What was your favorite Nick Jr. show? Rugrats. What school subjects are/were you the best at? English and science. What comes naturally to you? Spelling, usually. Bonding with animals. Do you prefer to call life a journey, a battle, a dance, or an adventure? Journey. Do you believe in the power of dreamcatchers or do you just like them as a decoration? They're just pretty decor to me. Who are the cutest babies in your Facebook newsfeed? I have two friends with young babies and neither are cute tbh. One's face looks like a grown man's with elephant ears, while the girl is just like, a month old, and I almost never find babies that young cute. What were your favorite mall stores when you were in high school? HotTopic. What time of day do you normally feel the most awake and alert? A while after I wake up. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? Yeah. How old do you look? I guess my age? Do you like movie nights? Only if it's with someone. What would be number one on your bucket list? Pet a wild (well, habituated) meerkat. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? *shrugs* where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? Idk. Do you wear earrings on a normal basis? Ugh, I wish. Two reasons I don't. 1.) My first holes are stretched badly from wearing heavy earrings to much. Put one in the left especially and it almost looks like it's not even attached to my ear. Looks gross. 2.) I'm allergic to silver and like all my earrings are silver. Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? Yeah. If you wear skirts, are you more likely to wear leggings, or go bare? If I was to wear them, I'd probably wear leggings. Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Jason and I did that (or almost did?) once early in our relationship. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Uh yeah. The one and only reason I won't move too far is because I'm unwilling to leave my psychiatrist; he's one of the biggest reasons I recovered and also gives me free samples of the medicine that saved my damn life, which costs over $1,000. No exaggeration. He knows that's absolutely outrageous. So it's like if I moved somewhere else, would my new psychiatrist do the same? Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No. Do you actually love your parents? Yes. Have you ever had a school picture turn out absolutely dreadful? Like, all of them. I look high when I smile. What is the name of the last band you discovered? That I actually got into, Powerwolf. What happened last time you got drunk? Never been drunk, but on the occasion I got the closest, I was more outgoing and giggly. Do you know anyone autistic? I don't believe so. How about someone bipolar? Me. What do you want your job to be when you’re older? A photographer and also an out-on-the-field zoologist. I could bring my camera out with me, combine the two. Have you ever made your parents cry? Mom on sadly multiple occasions, and I could hear that Dad was tearing up when I called him wanting to make up. Do you always lock your door? Not my room door, but the front and back door pretty much always are. If I'm home alone, without a doubt. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you snore in your sleep? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? A half-brother, Robert/Bobby. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Year ones, yes. Have you ever driven without a license? I don't have mine yet, but I don't believe I've ever done so without my permit. What was your very first pet like? I'm pretty sure my first personal one was a long-haired guinea pig named Squeak. He was a total sweetie that loved attention and would do one of those high-pitched, four squeaks back at me if I did it lol. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I hope I become a wise, more loving than ever, content person that does all she can for humanity and doesn't isolate like I do so much. I want to be out there with people, making memories and always maintaining a young heart. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin's above anyone else, but Chester Bennington was a close second. What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? I seriously want to bleach my hair to snow white and have it fade to a blood-red tip, but that'd probably destroy my hair. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Hm. I'm not sure. What’s the silliest thing you’ve believed, that turned out to be untrue? LOOK I stg I learned in school that thunder was clouds rubbing against each other and I only learned the truth THIS YEAR. Have you ever pet a cow, a sheep or a pig? A pig. Who’s the last person to make you laugh? GameGrumps. Ever been in a race? No. Favorite brand of color pencils? Crayola, I'm a basic bitch. Do you like the smell of peppermint? Omgggggggg yes. How many pieces did the last puzzle you completed have? Idr, maybe 150? It was at the hospital with my peers. In the end we were missing exactly o n e piece. What is missing from your wardrobe that you need to buy? I want a studded leather jacket pls I've wanted one since high school. When was the last time you witnessed a sunshower? A month back, maybe? Maybe sooner? Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? Mom, I believe. What temperature do you consider “too cold” to be outside? Comfortably, 40 F. Did anything bad happen to you in September? My knees became quite a problem. Had some rough streaks of depression. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? No one under "r." If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? I'd like to think I'd say something. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I realized I wanted to be with Sara while I was with him. It was one of the reasons I broke up with him. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? (It's the same picture as here.) I obviously like a darker style, and it'd also be an understandable assumption I'm a bitch by my expression lmao. That one's not true, I hope. If you aren’t an only child, do you wish you were? Noooo. What is your birth order? I'm the middle child between my immediate siblings. What is your eye color? What would you want it to be? Blue/green/gray. I wish they were more sapphire. Do you like Victoria’s Secret, or PINK? I like their bras and undies, super cute, but other products, nah. What color highlighter do you prefer? Pink. What is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? Dunno. Do you like using big words when you talk? Don't hate it, but I avoid it when I can with most people. I wanna make sure they understand what I'm saying, no need to make it all fancy. What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer? Stay the fuck inside and wish it was fall. Eh, swimming. Do you like being tickled? NO. Are you loud when you’re having sex? I'd always try to be quiet even when home alone because I was worried about someone coming home and us not hearing or something. But it took effort to keep quiet sometimes, and even then I was a moaner. Are you a very open or private person? Depends on who I'm with and whether it's on or offline, but generally, private. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. When was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you? I'm not sure. Scariest storm you’ve ever had in your town? Um idk. Skill you wish you had? Drawing exactly what I see in my head ugh. How do you feel about raising minimum wage? FUCK-ING DO IT. NC's is $7.25 an hour, and you can't live off that shit. Humor me. What physical ideal do you imagine in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? It really doesn't matter to me, but I'd say I'm more quickly attracted to people with a dark style. What type of personality traits do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Calm, open-minded, friendly, I like a bit more outgoing than me, compassionate, very passionate like myself, artistic, considerate... Any other essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? The only thing I can think of as essential are some common interests to bond over. I don't think I could date someone totally different from me. Or someone heavily religious. Any romantic gestures you really like? Small, simple efforts just for the purpose of showing you care, more than anything. I appreciate the cliche of opening doors. What were you like when you were a kid? Outgoing, talkative as hell, pretty odd, big time creative. What is your definition of cheating? Flirting in a clearly non-joking manner. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both since the 6th grade. Are looks important in a relationship? For me personally, no, but I don't shame people who feel it's at least a smaller factor for them. Sure, it'd be more difficult to be more sexually attracted to you, but not romantically, which is what I care about. What were you doing right before you started this survey? Another survey. I combine them into longer ones. Ever get mad at something that happened years ago? Rarely, and if ever, briefly. What do you order on your pizza? Jalapenos. I miss meat lovers. What the kind of soda you drink most often? Mountain Dew Voltage. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? Wasp, I'm fuckin' outie. I'm uncomfortable with any bee, but won't spaz over most. If Facebook started making you pay, would you still use it? No. If you were dying and had to tell the last person you texted one thing, what would it be? Lmao we actually had a convo about this once, and it'd totally be, "I love you, and I'll see you on the other side." If you could have sex to one song, what song would it be? We playin' "Death of a Bachelor" by P!atD on our wedding night 100% 100% 100% 100%. Are you a forgiving person? Too forgiving. Who is the last person you told you loved them? Sara Jaaaane. <3 Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Mom tends to go to Sheetz or Shell. She gets bad mileage at Sheetz, but it's super close to our house. Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered “a regular” at? The people at New Addiction (tat and piercing parlor I go to) are starting to recognize me lmao. I'll be there tonight again. Think of the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a bed? Yeah. Do you like your girlfriend's/boyfriend's parents? YEAH. Why aren’t you with the person you first fell in love with? He couldn't stand my depression anymore. What’s worse, knowing you still love them, or pretending you hate them? THE FORMER. Do you own any television series box sets? All seasons of Meerkat Manor. What is your favorite band of all time? Ozzy Osbourne. Would you consider getting a tattoo any time soon? I'm getting one T O N I G H T  B O Y S. Do you like candles? Yeah, but I prefer incense. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? More like seven lmao. And I'm 99% sure I have ADD, but I haven't been officially diagnosed. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? British, 'cuz I love it. Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? No. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yeah. Do you know anyone who is named after a state? Jason's mom. Miss that woman, she sincerely cared for me. I owe her so much for staying on the phone with me for legit like two hours a couple nights before my attempt. It was dead in the middle of the night, yet she was happy to be there. Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? N/A. Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? Y E S. Shane Dawson got me so into them omg. If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Damien Alexander, maybe.

[hunterswearingplaid]

Imagine Flirting Awkwardly With Kevin

This idea came from a reader, (@thirdwheelchurchill)

Thank you for your idea, and your kind words and sweet messages, lovely!

Summary: “So maybe a cute one shot thing with Kevin? You both awkwardly flirting etc during his time at uni but neither of you outwardly saying hey you’re cute let’s date.”

Pairing: Kevin x Reader

Word Count: 700

Warnings: poorly written fluff, that is all.

Author’s Note: Kevin deserved better, that’s all I can say.

“Is this seat taken?” The voice asked. You knew that voice. You had been crushing on that voice for a few weeks now.

“No, not at all,” You said to him, moving your books from the chair. “Hi, Kevin.”

“Hey, Y/N.” Kevin smiled. “Physics?”

“Yeah. I’m really struggling with this problem,” You slid your paper towards him so he could see. “How do I find the value of h?”

“Let me see,” He came and stood on your left a little behind you, his light breath hitting your neck. He smelled sweet. “Look,” he took a pen from his pocket and solved the problem in front of you. He kept mumbling something under his breath as he did. You couldn’t help but stare.

“11.6 metres,” you said once he was done. “I should have thought of doing that. Thanks,” you added shyly, pulling the paper towards yourself.

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Kevin waved his hand in front of you relaxedly. “Would it be alright if I sat beside you and worked on my own stuff?” He asked.

“By all means,” your voice remained light, “I might need your help anyways, advanced placement and all.” You bit your lip as you looked at him through your lashes.

“That was in high school.” Kevin laughed softly. “I like your t-shirt.” He complimented, pointing at it.

You took a quick look at your t-shirt. It read: “You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light twice. Then you energy.” You tugged on its bottom, pulling it lower, “Yeah, I thought it was smart.”

“Well, I’m done. Professor Taffe needs some things delivered to his office. Some books and stuff.” You said, putting your books back into your backpack. “I’m going to head over there now.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later?” Kevin asked, his shoulders dropping a little.

“Totally. Goodbye,” You waved, heading towards the door, a small grimace on your face. You wanted to spend more time with him. And now you would see him later. Ugh.

“Wait, Y/N!” You heard Kevin call. “I’m done, too. Would you like me to help with getting Professor Taffe that stuff?” He walked over quickly to you.

You didn’t really need help. But were you going to pass up getting to spend some time with Kevin? No.

“Sure, I’d love some help,” You said.

Kevin smiled at you as he followed you, both of you walking out of the library together.

“So, you doing anything this weekend?” Kevin asked. He sounded hopeful.

“No, not really,” you answered truthfully. “We go on break after this weekend, so I was thinking of binge-watching a new show on Netflix, really.” You laughed. “I might go to the carnival on Saturday.”

“I’m going to the carnival,” Kevin said, the words hanging in the air for a few seconds.

“Well, then I’ll come.” You said.

“Great!” Kevin said, sounding happy. “I’ve always loved carnivals, but haven’t been to many since starting Uni. I don’t really have many friends to go to carnivals with any more.”

You took one of your hands gripping the straps of your backpacks and put it on Kevin’s arm. “Hey, I’m your friend.” I wanna be something more, but I’m not going to tell you that. “We can go to the carnival together. If you want to, I mean.”

“Yes, I’d love if you came with me!” Kevin said enthusiastically. “Sorry, I get a little hyper sometimes.” Kevin said, running his hand through his hair.

“Hey, I thought it was cute.” You said, regretting it right after. “You messed up your hair, let me fix it for you.” You reached up to fix his hair, your hand lingering there for a little more time than required.

“Thanks,” Kevin said, playing with his keys in his hands. “I think you’re cute, too.” He said shyly, looking at the floor.

You tucked your hair behind your ear, trying not to blush but failing miserably. “Don’t say that.” You mumbled so that Kevin wouldn’t hear.

“Did you say something?”

“No, nothing. So, wanna get these books to Professor Taffe?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, picking up a pile of books, making your job easier.

Man, you were so screwed.

Tag list:

@hobby27 @thirdwheelchurchill

[coolcephalopod]

say you’ll love me again

Summary: How do you get over someone you’re still in love with?

Note: i’m back! again. last time i posted a fic, reylo wasn’t even technically canon yet but here we are now holy shit! i hope this turned out okay, i’m trying to get back into the hang of writing cause i started uni and it’s wild and i’m so busy like whatever, anyway enjoy!

AO3 is krakeneggs!

It’s eight in the morning and definitely way too early for this.

Her finger hovers awkwardly over the doorbell. She’s been standing at his door for the past 5 minutes, debating on whether to knock or call or press the doorbell. Or just leave, honestly.

Going to see her ex to pick up all her stuff from his apartment is a lot harder than she thought it would be. Especially when she’s still in love with him.

Rey bites her bottom lip nervously. She looks to her left, contemplating going back down the hallway and taking the elevator and pretending she was never here. She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

The kid down the hall is screaming his head off as usual. Classical music streams from one of the other apartments, probably Mrs. Hunter. In a sad sort of way, she thinks she’s gonna miss this place.

Wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans, she knocks lightly on the door with her knuckles. There’s a tightness in her chest that threatens to crawl its way up her throat as the door stays closed. She struck with the terrible thought of throwing up on Ben as soon as he opens the door. Seconds pass, and she spins around, ready to walk away and forget she ever came here.

“Rey?”

She freezes, cursing under her breath, hating the way she feels when he says her name. He has no right to still make her feel like that. She turns around, and the sight before her makes her breath catch in her throat.

Ben looks like he just rolled out of bed. His hair is messy and unbrushed, eyes bleary and unfocused, and the only thing he’s wearing are a pair of black sweats. He looks impossibly attractive. She pushes the thought out of her mind.

“W-what are you doing here?” He clears the sleepiness from his voice, running a hand through his hair. She clenches her fist, holding back from reaching out and fixing it for him. She’s not supposed to do that anymore.

There are a billion things she wants to say.

“Sorry I woke you up.” Out of all the things she could’ve said, that came out of her mouth?

“It’s fine. Couldn’t sleep anyway.” He says, avoiding looking her in the eye and instead staring at a spot above her head.

“I, uh, came by to pick up my stuff.”

His gaze swivels down to her, staring for a few seconds, dark eyes burning into hers, before stepping aside and motioning for her to go inside.

His apartment is a mess, a major difference from its usual organized and sterile state, with half-empty soda cans and leftover cup noodles strewn everywhere. The sink is piled high with dirty dishes. A pillow and blanket left lying on the couch.

She shouldn’t judge though, her own apartment’s in the same disastrous state. She barely mustered up the energy to get out of bed this morning, after spending the night tossing and turning.

“I’ll get your stuff.” Ben says, disappearing into their—his bedroom, she corrects in her mind.

Rey supposes she can’t blame him for being cold. Who gets over a breakup in only a week? It was a tough decision to a complicated situation, and she’s not entirely sure she made the right choice. She remembers shouting and arguing and maybe she threw something, or he did. Maybe she cried, or he did, or they both did. It’s a hazy memory in her mind that she doesn’t want to think too hard about.

On the coffee table, she notices a familiar photo frame that’s supposed to be on his night stand. It’s a picture of her and Ben, when they went to the carnival and rode the Ferris wheel and it had gotten stalled right when they were at the top. It wasn’t unwelcome, as it happened right when the sun was starting to set. The picture is of the two of them smiling at the camera, cheek pressed to cheek. She remembers the sun casting a warm, sunny glow onto Ben, and how beautiful and angelic it made him look. It was the first time in their relationship that she told him she loved him. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she stumbled over her words and she wanted to jump off the ride, but (of course) she didn’t. She remembers the careful and hesitant way he said it back, and how gentle he was when he kissed her, a hand carefully cupping her cheek.

Rey looks down at the picture frame, which now has a few fresh droplets of tears sliding down the glass pane. She tries to wipe it away with her sleeve, but it slips out of her hand and falls to the ground, the glass panel shattering. She drops to her knees, cursing, and starts picking up pieces, placing them in her open palm.

“Rey?” Ben calls from the bedroom. Oh shit. He’s gonna think she did it on purpose, that she hates him, but it’s not true she’s just trying to pick up the pieces and she’s just-

She turns to see him standing in the doorway, eyes filled with concern and worry. “Your hand...” His eyes flicker down and he frowns.

She looks down and realizes that the hand that’s holding the shards of glass has curled into a tight fist, and blood is dripping down between the cracks of her fingers, splattering onto the carpet. She stares numbly at her hand, until the pain finally registers, shooting through her arm and causing her to let go of the bits of glass.

“Shit, Rey, are you okay?” Ben runs over to kneel down in front of her, taking her hand to examine. She ignores the way her skin buzzes with electricity as he touches her.

“I’m...fine.” She says lamely.

He rolls his eyes and huffs. “Come here.” He leads her to the kitchen, lifting her by the waist (with his ridiculously strong arms) and placing her on the counter. He rummages around in a cabinet for the first-aid kit, setting it down next to her when he finds it.

Methodically, he starts to disinfect and tweeze out any remaining splinters of glass that might still be embedded in her palm. He doesn’t say anything, but she can tell by the tightness in his shoulders that he seems upset about it. She wouldn’t feel as bad if he just yelled at her, or threw one of his famous temper tantrums. But the empty silence combined with the careful way he fixes her is much, much worse.

“I’m not supposed to be here, fuck, I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry.” Rey tries to pull her hand out of his grasp, but he doesn’t let her go. She tugs and twists, but he’s still firmly holding onto her, and her hand still hurts so she doesn’t try too hard.

“Stop.” He says. She does.

He finishes wrapping the bandage around her hand, and finally looks at her. He doesn’t look angry, just sad. And that hurts her more than any physical injury ever could.

“Why are you here, Rey?” He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath.

She doesn’t respond. She’s not sure. She should just say she’s here for her stuff, so she can go home, but they both know that’s a lie. She toys with the edge of the bandage, anything to distract her.

“Rey.” He says firmly.

“I-I just wanted to say that I uh, I missed you.” She squeezes her eyes shut, cheeks burning with her confession. There, she said it. “I guess I just wanted to know if you missed me.”

A long, painful moment of silence passes, neither of them saying anything. She doesn’t look at him, doesn’t want to see the pained look in his eyes that’ll make her heart feel like it’s going to break even more.

He lets out a long sigh. “Rey...”

She feels him take a step closer to her, until he’s the closest he can be with her knees in the way.

“Look at me.” He says softly. And damn it, she can’t help but obey when he uses that gentle tone with her.

Dark eyes burn into hers as his forehead presses against hers, hands holding her face in place. His lips are slightly parted, breath hot against her lips. It’s slow, their heads tilting and leaning in. It’s so delicate, a jarring contrast to the bruising and burning intense kisses they’re used to.

“Ben.” She rasps, resisting the urge to clear her throat and break the spell.

“Please.” His voice is barely audible even in the silence of the room. She thinks she can hear his heart beating in her chest. Or maybe it’s just hers.

Her eyes close and she leans in, or maybe they both do. It’s a desperate sort of kiss, so tender and gentle and she can feel a wetness on her cheeks. She’s crying.

They kiss for an undetermined amount of time, but she knows when they both part, they’re panting for breath, faces red and wet with tears.

“I’m sorry.” Rey admits.

“I missed you.” Ben says, thumbing away a tear from the corner of her eye.

“I think...that night we both said some stupid things, and I was mad, and you were mad, and I just wanted to- no, needed to get away from all this. But all this time, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Letting you go would be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” She takes his hand in hers, and looks at him hopefully. It’d be really embarrassing if he rejected her after this.

“I’m sorry too. I should have listened to what you were trying to say instead of getting mad. I love you, Rey.” He gives her hand a firm squeeze. “I don’t want to lose you over a stupid fight. I’d never forgive myself.”

“I love you too.” She leans forward to press a soft kiss to his lips.

[neonlaynes]

I was actually tagged on my main but I’ll just copy it here WAHAHA

get to know more meme under the cut! it was fun to do and maybe (definitely, tbh) offers more insight on me as a person rather than just another local art peddler....lol.......

1. What is the favourite item of clothing you own?

god I really.......it’s soooo hard to choose between my regular clothing and my lolita wardrobe but I’d have to say my daydream carnival tiered JSK in ivory....it’s got such a gorgeous pastel palette and I could stare at the print for days!!

2. Tell me about the first time you watched your favourite movie?

do....do I even have one?! I think I have many....but a super memorable experience was in high school junior? senior year? where we had to read the great gatsby for class and it was coincidentally the year that the baz luhrmann adaptation came out so I went and watched it together with my friends. breathtaking visuals that I absolutely will not forget, especially the scene with 9000 flowers and the silk rain scene. we watched it a second time too, but that time we sat in the Very Front Row so our necks hurt afterwards from looking up and seeing everything at an extreme angle HAHA

3. What was the last book you finished?

it is soooo awful (to myself, if anyone shares this sentiment then welcome to the club) that the only true reading I’ve done these years are textbooks and fanfiction. I cannot for the life of me recall when I’ve read an Actual Book and I hopefully can change that eventually!!

4. What is the next book you want to read?

I am Totally Open to recs but I’m probably going to finally get to reading the myriad of design and art books that I got last year ;;;

5. When is your birthday, and what do you want for it this year? (If your birthday has already happened this year, did you get what you had your heart set on?)

oct 12! I am sadly very materialistic and impulsive and I tend to get the things that I want myself, so. I’ll go abstract and say maybe a sense of direction or something along those lines haha!! feeling like I haven’t stagnated for the past few years and being able to feel in control of what may come would be lovely. please I am quite desperate!!!

6. If you were given one month and $10,000, where would you travel to?

either japan because although I’ve been there, I feel I didn’t fully enjoy the beauty of the culture and especially the nature of the area (I went to tokyo) so I’d love the chance to go again!

OR!! a europe exploration trip with focus on italy! getting my minor in italian and it’d be a shame to not experience the rich culture of italy at least once in my life, but also bc I hear that it’s pretty economical to travel around while in europe and I might as well visit the other lovely countries!!

7. Cake or pie?

Cake!! I adore cheesecake!! literally whenever I go someplace and they have cheesecake I HAVE to eat and taste it I love comparing them... I actually hardly ever eat desserts but also catch me eating fondant abominations and LIKING IT!!!!!!!

8. Name 3 things you think you’re really good at.

hyperfixation (on a MEANINGLESS task like searching for a post buried underneath several layers of Hell, on a fandom/pairing, etc.)

retail therapy!!! you feel bad??? don’t worry!!! ADD TO CART!! CHECKOUT!!!

Art (one of my Only Skills bc I kept building on it and ignoring everything else so I’m Kinda Decent)

9. Name 3 things you’d like to be better at.

Focusing on the Right Things. it’s ridiculously hard to get me excited/passionate on something especially if it’s to do w academics so I Always procrastinate and never put 100% effort into things and even though it’s my last quarter in uni I want to see Some Modicum of change

Making friends and being social.........it’s not good to compare myself to others but I’m still rly beat up over not being able to be charismatic enough to Attract people but I also spend most my time worrying about social cues anyways so uhm?? spend less time Thinking and more time Doing!!!!!!

Art. I’d really like to see where the next years will take me art-wise. still don’t know what I want to focus on like painting, or developing my style, or just.......revisiting the fundamentals but it’s gonna happen y’all!!

10. Name 3 far-fetched dreams you’d like to do someday.

be Completely Fluent in Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Italian. I’m Chinese-American and I’m woefully inept in that I can speak like a native and pretty much comprehend most things but I’ve got the literacy and handwriting of an elementary school kid and BOYYY I am Truly Regret at this age, just like my mom said I would be, at not spending more time with my mother tongue. also ngl I fking love language and it’d be great to complete that East Asian Trifecta and be able to not have too much of a problem traveling in those countries. Italian I actually took because fresh out of high school I had a brief infatuation with assassin’s creed, namely II, and on a Damn Whim, I chose to take italian in college instead of japanese which was my high school language course that I took up til honors. REALLY ENJOY IT THOUGH, NO REGRETS HERE FOR ONCE!!!

Travel to the places that you see in nature documentaries...like what an EXPERIENCE that would be!! esp waterfalls?! beaches?! sightings of unique species?! okay actually now that I think about it this is going to involve a lot of camping stuff which I am painfully not ready for but would be willing to prepare for.....worth it though!! I just (clenches fist) really love nature

this isn’t so much a dream but like......Finding the One and not being in a loveless relationship/marriage. I don’t rly have any place to say this considering I haven’t dated Anyone ever at the ripe old age of 21 going on 22 but like a kid, I can still fantasize abt being with someone in a textbook romance,I hope. kind of Deathly Scared of becoming what they call in China “leftover women” who can’t find a partner and end up being single well into their late 30s ;; and since I’m gonna be out of college and graduated there’s even less chance to meet someone unless I Actively throw myself into shit which I am notoriously!! bad at!!! so that is a Saga for another time.......

11. If you had to dye your hair, what colour would you dye it?

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish dyeing hair didn’t mean signing off your hair quality to a death sentence (I am aware there’s methods/products you can use to make it better but... AAAAA) I’ve bleached my hair before and Already it was significantly.....Sadder

if you made it here I applaud you and appreciate you!!!! thanks for listening to meeeee

[surveysonfleek]

350.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 3 201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1), to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice. caterpillar, house dog, wild dog, vulture, male human, female human, oak tree, rock, manta ray, dolphin rock, caterpillar, oak tree, vulture, wild dog, house dog, manta ray, dolphin, male human, female human. 202. What do you feel unworthy of? success. 203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person? can’t i do both? 204. Which do you value more: science or intuition? intuition. 205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first? it’s the same person.

206. Does the universe revolve around human beings? we definitely think so. 207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were? nope. 208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now? i don’t know any poets that are alive :( 209. What is your favorite song from the 90's? ugh there’s so many.  210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be? d. 211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.? haha i have no idea.  212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend? if i find some goodness in them. 213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun? hell no. i’m not 12. 214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth? nope. 215. What is your favorite line from a movie? - 216. What's your favorite video game? the sims. 217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours? yeah, but nothing of sentiment or whatever. 218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you? yolo. 219. You allow strangers to read your diary, but would you let your parents read it? i don’t have a diary. 220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower? depends. there’s a time for both. 221. Are you allergic to anything? pollen. 222. What is your favorite Terminator movie? i don’t remember any of them. 223. What is your favorite fast food? burger king. 224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again? do something bad to me, my friends or family. 225. Would (or have) you ever whip someone or be whipped by someone in bed? haha no thanks. 226. Have you ever said 'I hate everyone' and really meant it literally? yes. well, people in general. 227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend? idk. greed. 228. Have you ever won a carnival fish? nope. 229. Did it live more than a week? - 230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have? spanish. 231. What's the most boring thing you've ever read? text books from uni. 232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens? touch screens. 233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series? i didn’t follow the lord of the rings series. 234. Would you consider yourself to be naive? sometimes. 235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail? at this rate, phi. 236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it? $10 lol. so gross i know, but money’s money. 237. Would you ever wear real fur? probably not. 238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks? first one. 239. What are your feelings about police officers? i’m sure there’s good cops out there. 240. what is your favorite line from a song? idk. 241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money? yes, it can be. it can buy food for a week. 242. Do you like the band Front 242 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_242)? idk them. 243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction? self satisfaction. 244. What's your middle name? haha i’d rather not say. 245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? shave my head? idk. 246. Are you good, evil or neutral? i’d like to say good. 247. Should ebonics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics) be considered a language? hmm. idk about this one. 248. What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be? it’s grey and turquoise. i like it. 249. When are you planning to move to a new home? no idea, maybe when i get my life together. 250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be? omg i have no idea. 15k? it could honestly be more or less, i’m just guessing. 251. Do you blow your nose in public? if i have to, yes. i’ll try do it subtly though. 252. Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps? somewhat yes. i want their drive and motivation. 253. What is the coolest web site you know of? idk lol. 254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie? none that i can think of. 255. Of the following, which word best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful fair minded. 256. Can you eat with chopsticks? yeah i prefer not to. 257. Could you tell real money from counterfeit? yeah, we’ve been taught how to at work. 258. What do you think about school uniforms? it’s good in a way, everyone’s seen as equal. 259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit? medieval times. 260. What would make a great new Crayola color? i’m sure it’s already been made. 261. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art? yeah it does, but it’s still art. 262. If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration? beyonce. 263. Who is the greatest philosopher of your country? idk haha. 264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? idk. 265. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child? no, i was easy to please as a kid. 266. Who knows more...you, or your parents? more about what? if life, definitely my parents. 267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing? guitar. 268. Children fill its lungs completely with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change? i have no idea. 269. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars? with protection yeah. 270. Are you completely in control of your body? Are you completely in control of your mind? yes and yes. 271. Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittering bouquet OR flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway? definitely the hand picked ones haha. 272. Do you know yourself well enough to understand why you feel the way you do? ye[. 273. Which do you do more often: let movies, songs and books put your feelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself? put feelings into words myself. 274. Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product? haha noooo. especially these damn instagram models and youtubers. 275. What kind of movies do you wish were made more often? idk. 276. Does fashion matter to you? yes and no.  277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else? of course. 278. What do you get in trouble for the most? being lazy. 279. Should parents spank their kids? i wasn’t spanked as a kid and turned out fine tbh. 280. What is your worst daily habit? smoking. 281. If you had your choice which one TV show would you have canceled? big bang theory. 282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt? salt. 283. Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts? yeah i’d say so. 284. What do you feel the most guilty about? idk, letting myself do nothing productive for the last year. 285. Do you meditate? no. 286. Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images? random images in the subconscious. 287. Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way? yes. 288. The thief _______ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill in the blank with? snatches? idk. 289. What's the most incredible experience you ever had? traveling. 290. Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel? not really. 291. Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it? idk. 292. What is one thing you can't do? a cartwheel. 293. Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charleton_Heston)? idk him. 294. Are you gentle? not really. 295. When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable? when i’m naked. 296. Are you trying to find yourself? yes, definitely. 297. Where are you looking? my future i guess. 298. Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings? yes but there’s better ways to go about in sharing it. 299. What would make you a stronger person? having more discipline. 300. What book would you like to read sometime soon? anything. it’s been awhile.

[shagharoldd]

I Remember You

(Not my image…)

So this is a re-edit of an old imagine I had! I added some stuff, took some stuff out, all that jazz. I hope you all like it! Please leave me feedback! x

Word count: 3099

Warnings: Memory loss, car accident

Enjoy, my dears!

It had been two months since you had last seem Liam, as he had been doing some promotional tours with the other boys. They were launching another One Direction perfume, which meant he had to be gone for weeks on end to get the word out there and shoot commercials and what not. You couldn’t wait to have him back; your decently sized apartment had started to feel like the walls were closing in on you. You were tired of being alone, the only interaction lately having been hearing his voice on the phone, or FaceTiming with your mom. It was winter break, so you didn’t have to be at Uni for your classes, which meant lounging around and texting Liam most days.

At Liam’s suggestion, you went down to the local animal shelter and adopted a dog. He thought the companionship while he was away was just what you needed, and he was right. The dog, a grey pit-bull named Bruno, and yourself had become fast friends, and it seemed that if you weren’t going for walks around the neighborhood, or cooking something in the kitchen, he was curled up in a little ball laying next to you in bed or on the couch. You couldn’t wait for Liam to come home and meet your newest addition.

That morning, you had received an excited phone call from Liam; it was afternoon where he was, but early morning for you, so it took a minute for his words to actually make sense, but after they did, the squeals that escaped your lips alarmed Bruno. The promotional tour had ended earlier than expected and Liam was coming home! After getting off the phone, you laid there, a smile on your lips, thinking about all the things you wanted to do with him once he got home. But most of all, you just wanted his long, muscular arms wrapped around you in that blanket of warmth and protection you loved so much.

~The next day~

You stand outside the building, waiting for the van to arrive bringing the boys back home. You wore your hair down, hoping it would hide your face a little, as it was public knowledge that Liam and you were dating, and you weren’t really interested in anything other than Liam at that moment.

You look down at your phone as it chirps, an, “Almost there! xx” text popping up on your phone, and you smile, stepping forward a little. Unintentionally, you bump in to a girl who was waiting there for the van as well, presumably, and you quickly apologize. The girl looks up at you, and immediately recognizes who you are. She started asking you a lot of questions about your relationship, when the boys were going to be there, etc., but you don’t really answer any of them. You weren’t rude; you were kind, but you also just wanted to see Liam, not be interrogated. She gets mad and stalks off, to which you just shrug and look back at your phone, timing the last text and the current time, thinking he should be there any moment.

All of a sudden, there is a screech of a set of tires, and you look up excitedly, a large smile visible on your face, but in stead of the familiar van, there is a little red car racing your way, the face of the girl who you bumped in to driving the car. You feet feel like cement, and before you are able to hurl yourself out of the way, you feel the car collide with your body. The last thing you remember is landing on the ground, a scream escaping your lips, and then darkness.

~A Week Later~

A beeping noise vibrates off the wall in the room, and you wake groggily, placing your hand on your head to try and ease yourself out of your sleep. Opening your eyes, you look around beige-colored room to see it filled with people, people you didn’t recognize. Some were sitting on the floor, others asleep in uncomfortable-looking positions on random pieces of furniture.

“She’s awake!” You hear a thick, Irish-accented boy say excitedly and instantly the room is alive with chatter, the spaces around your bed becoming quickly inhabited.

“Y/N,” A tall boy with auburn hair says soothingly, staring down at you, hope in his eyes, “Y/N, please, can you hear me?”

You look at him confused, not recollecting who he is. Why were all these people here? And why were you here? And why the hell do all of them have accents?

“Where am I?” You look around, from face to face, trying to find some sort of familiarity in one of them. “W-Who are you?” You ask, dazed, your eyes closing as your hand find it way back to your forehead, trying to steady some of the dizziness you were feeling.

The same boy looks at you, shaking his head, a little taken-aback. “I-It’s Liam, Y/N. Please tell me you remember me,” his voice starts to break, his hand reaching out for you other hand in your lap.

You pull your hand away from his, hugging yourself, you knees finding their way to your chest and you whisper, “Get out. All of you. Just please, get out.”

“What? Y/N, you know us.” A tall, curly haired boy asks as everyone in the room stares at you, baffled by your reaction to them.

A little louder, you say, “Get out! I don’t know who any of you are!” Your fists slam down on the bed, your head pounding like a drum. Your voice gets louder,  “Why are you here? Who are you? You am I? Why am I here?” Your questions start to flood your mind, and the more you scream, the more you find your body thrashing around in the bed.

Suddenly there are multiple people at the entrance to the room. They all look like nurses, and the one that seems to be in charge looks around the room, assessing the situation quickly, before saying, “I think its time you all leave. Y/N needs some space; she’s just very confused.”

Liam looks at you, hurt, but grabs his jacket, slowly exciting the room as the last tenant, looking back at you once before he disappears.

You curl into a ball on the side of your bed, turning your back from the nurse, violent sobs wracking through your body. What is going on? You can’t remember anything; nothing at all. What your name is, where you’re from, nothing. It’s like your mind was a chalkboard, but all of the notes had been erased.

You sob uncontrollably, completely lost in your bewilderment. The nurse comes over and gently tries to soothe you, but as if your body was not your own, you whip around, accidentally hitting her. She stubbles backwards, but as if she expected that to happen, she grabs something off the cart, a sad expression on her face. “Leave me alone! Just get away from me!” you scream, thrashing about even more. You feel your body becoming weak, the pounding in your head making your stomach flip with nausea, and suddenly, as the nurse inserts a clear liquid in to your I.V., you feel your body start to relax, your eyes become heavy, and then the world was black, just like your memory.

~Two Weeks Later~

Your parents flew from the States to London to be with you. They were always afraid of you going to school in a country so far away, but it had been your dream to attend University in London, and that you achieved. This is what they were afraid of: you being hurt and them not being able to get to you.

But as they entered the room, their faces sad, you cant help but question who they really are. Are they really your parents? People that you had known your whole life should trigger some sort of familiarity…but they don’t. They aren’t familiar at all, even as they try to revive your memory, telling you stories about when you were younger. Like when your father and yourself entered a fishing competition when you were four and you caught the largest fish and won a bike, your mother showing you a tattoo of a fish on her foot in commemoration. Or how you had been dating a tall, auburn-hair boy named Liam for almost a year, and how he came home for Thanksgiving with you last year and almost burned the turkey. Unfortunately, you didn’t remember any of it.

You just sit there, your eyes roaming from one of them to the other as they talked, subconsciously listening to them as you try to remember something, anything.

Eventually the doctor comes in, and you exhale in relief, knowing that for a moment you wouldn’t have to listen to these people trying to convince you of things you had no recollection of. He checks your paperwork, your vitals; he runs some tests on you, like tracking and eye motion, and then tells you that you are free to go.

Your parents leave the room, allowing you to change in clothes that Liam had brought to the hospital for you. Upon finishing, you slowly walk out of the hospital room, tears flooding your eyes as you leave the only place you have ever known, the only place that is the least bit familiar. Your parents meet you and there is a slow procession to the car.

Eventually the vehicle pulls up to a tall apartment building with a light pink front door, flower boxes outside the windows, various flowers and plants cascading out of them. It was like it was a picture taken out of a magazine. You slowly step out of the car, looking around at the peaceful suburban neighborhood in which you have no memory of.

You’re guided through the front door and into a decent sized apartment. You are met instantly by a dog, a dog you didn’t recognize, and even though he was just another example of your lost memory, you instantly found comfort in him. You father jumped in front of you, thinking it might be too much to have this dog all over you, but you drop down to your knees, allowing him to go around your father and you envelope him in your arms.

Eventually you stand and look around the quaint apartment, seeing pictures hanging all over the walls. It was like a wall in a gallery covered in frame filled with people who looked happy. You slowly walk up to them, recognizing yourself in some of them with the boy they call Liam. You both look so happy, engulfed in each other’s arms, smiling doe-eyed at the camera. There’s one where you’re at a carnival, your arms in the air and a look of excitement on your face as Liam hands you a stuffed bear he had just won at a quarter tent. You see pictures of you and the other boys that were in the room when you woke up, the curly haired one, the blonde Irish one, the one with the anchor tattoo and the tall, darker-skinned one. You all look so happy, and you are suddenly angered because you cant remember it; any of it. How could you have been so happy yet remember none of it?

You run up the stairs, the dog following close at your heels, and you look around frantically for an escape, a room that you can just cuddle into and forget your troubles. You fumble with the doorknobs, opening the first door you come to, and rush inside, slamming the door hard, locking it. You throw yourself on to the bed, your head hiding in a pillow and sob. The dog whines and you look up, him placing a couple licks to your face to try and sooth you.

There is a knock on the door a moment later, with a voice that sounds like your mothers. “Y/N, baby, please. Open up.” You hear her plead, but you don’t answer, and instead bury your face in the neck of the dog and cry further, muffling the noises so she can’t hear.

Eventually she leaves, and you wake up groggy from an uncomfortable sleep. You slowly rise, looking in the mirror. You stare back at yourself in contempt as you fix your hair and wipe away from tear tracks from your cheeks. You slowly walk over to the door, unlocking it, and find your way to the kitchen, which is right at the bottle of the stairs. Your father is sitting at the table, a newspaper laid across the table. When he sees you, he stands, but instead of walking towards you, he stays in his spot, afraid that you will be alarmed and run off again if he tries to embrace you.

“Y/N. A-are you hungry?” He asks, eyes downcast, apparent stress and sadness in them. You nod slowly, and sit at the table, anxiously waiting for him to return with food. When he places a bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of you, you eat quickly, forgetting how hungry you truly were. When you finish, you look up at him, and he chuckles, having watched you. You look down, blushing, and smile slightly, shaking your head.

“Would you like some more?” You hear an accented-voice ask, and you look up to see Liam, standing in the corner of the kitchen, in front of what seems to be the back door. His eyes are puffy, his hair a mess, and it seems like he hasn’t slept in awhile.

You nod, looking down, and he comes and retrieves your bowl. As he fills the bowl, your father nods at Liam, slowly standing. He kneels down beside you, and whispers, “I know you don’t remember me, Y/N, but I love you, so very much. Eventually, you will remember. J-Just give us a chance.” He stands upright, placing a small kiss on your forehead, and you smile slightly, nodding.

Liam puts the bowl in front of you and sits where your father did. You pull the bowl towards you, eating slowly this time. You look out of the corner of your eyes at him while you eat, and he stares in to his lap, nervously wiggling his fingers round and round themselves. You eat half of the contents of the bowl, and then place your fork down, running your hand across your face sleepily.

“It was your favorite,” he whispers, still looking down. “I made it for when you woke up.”

“I can see why,” you whisper, looking over at him, “That was-“ you pause slightly, finishing, “That was sweet of you.”

“I-I’m sorry, Liam…for the way I reacted. I was confused” You tear up, “I still am. I don’t know who I am. None of this looks familiar,” you look around the room, and then back down at your lap. You cry now, not holding back the tears any longer. “I don’t remember you. I don’t remember anyone; no matter how hard I try. We looked so-so happy. And now here I am, and I’m tearing this apart.”

He slowly reaches his hand up, taking yours in his. At his touch, you jump slightly, the warmth in his grip sending a bolt of energy through you. And suddenly, you remember sand, lots of sand. And your feet tangled with another’s on a blanket in that sand. You remember water, a beach, and then you remember Liam. You remember sitting there on the blanket, laughing as the boy with the anchor tattoo (Louis? Is that his name?) tries to do a cartwheel, the Irish one falling on his bum laughing.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Y/N,” your memory is interrupted, and you lock eye contact with him, “I’ll make you remember.” He looks at you intensely, as if willing you to believe so, and you nod.

Eventually you look up at him, still finding comfort in his hand in yours. “Liam …” You state.

“Hm?” He mumbled, his eyebrows arching.

“Did we…did we ever go to a beach?” You ask, looking up at him.

Nodding, he replies, “We did. We went all the time. You, the boys and I. We spent so much time there…” He trails off, smiling, recollecting.

“Could you take me?” You whisper eventually, hoping that he would say yes.

He looks up at you, a small smile forming at the corners of this mouth, and stands, pulling you to your feet. You both walk towards the front door, and he takes a coat off the rack for you, holding it out for you to slide your arms in to.

~~~

Stepping out onto the cool sand, you’re suddenly hit with a lifetime of memories, and you stumbled slightly, overwhelmed with the sudden remembrance; remembrance of everything. You recall running away from Liam, giggling, as he chases you with a water gun in the middle of the summer. You remember sitting around a fire, your toes buried in the sand, humming softly as Niall sings some song he’s made up on the fly. You recollect roasting hot dogs on an open fire, swimming in the ocean, entangled in Liam’s grasp. You remember. You remember all of it.

Liam comes around to help you out of the car, as you look at him, a large smile plastered on your face.

“Y/N? What?” He asks, smiling.

You grab his hand, pulling him towards a certain place towards the edge of the sand-line. “Liam.” You smile, “Remember that huge bonfire Harry and I built? Right about here? It was so big you could see it for miles,” your arms extended and you spun in a circle, and then stopped, staring at him, smiling.

Nodding, he replies, “Yeah, I do.” He laughs. “And when Nia-“ His face suddenly contorts, and he cocks his head to the side. He looks at you, flabbergasted, and stumbles over his words. “Y/N…y-you remember?” He asks, barely audible, scared that if he asks it too loud it wont be true.

“I don’t know how it happened.” You whisper. “I didn’t remember a thing, nothing. A-and then I stepped out of the car, and put my feet in the sand, and suddenly I do. I’m swarmed with all of the memories; every moment we’ve ever spent together, here and away. I remember all of it. The bonfires. The songs. The water. Everything Liam” You laugh, shaking your head, and lean forward, your arms wrapping around his neck, “I remember you.”

[justidling]

this just in:

I’m lonely, apparently.

This literally took me so long to realise - or at least, to admit. I’ve been trying so hard to figure out what’s been causing my steadily declining mental health since I’ve started university, even though I’ve been acting like I’m really enjoying it and it’s all fun and games in front of my family and friends, like I’m really happy with my life right now. And I should damn well be - after all, I’m in the uni I’ve always wanted to go to all my life, I’m getting scholarships so I don’t have too much about life expenses, I get to live at home and laze way when I’m on holiday. Yet I’m more depressed than ever, and I’ve been ignoring it and brushing it all off as me being ungrateful. But I’m finally coming to terms with it. The fact that I’m still not where I want to be. The fact that I feel very out of place even though it’s been what I used up my birthday wishes for every single year of my life as long as I can remember.

It finally dawned on me that I’m craving human interaction, as contradictory to my usually self-sustainable and independent personality as it sounds. Over the Christmas/New Year holiday, various family members from the other side of the world came over to visit, and for the first time since forever I felt alive, like I have it all. I felt like, this is what living should be about. Just spending time with loved ones and letting go of insecurities and be stupid because those who care about you will never mind it. I jammed with my sister and cousin and finally contributed my guitar skills to something outside of my own little world. I went to a carnival with my extended family and went on the ferris wheel my grandmother always wanted to go on. Seeing her happy was really all I needed. I got friendly with my kid cousins for once even though I was always convinced I’m no good with kids. It felt like my life was finally coming together.

But then it all ended when they left. And I’m on my own again. And this isn’t even about the usual “back to school” downfall you have after a long holiday. I immediately resorted back to my old bad habits and addictions, and I’m just downright miserable I don’t want anyone to see me like this. This is when I realised I have no close friends in uni. None. Sure, I have a lot of friends who I can have decent surface conversations with, but not a single one of them can I truly open myself up to. And it’s all my fault - I’ve been pushing people away, because I’m scared. I’m scared of them finding out who I truly am, because even I haven’t figured out who the hell that is yet. And my down-low-in-the-dumps self esteem really doesn’t help here. It’s really exhausting too, because I feel like I’m constantly putting on a show during the day when I act all nice and happy in front of basically everyone I see in a day, when I’m really crumbling inside. In a way it was easier back when I was in boarding school because you didn’t have a choice - you couldn’t hide who you were since you lived with everyone so they can see who you are 24/7 - whereas now it’s so much easier to put on a fake face when you’re at school and then just take that off once you’re at home. It’s so much easier to isolate myself when I’m not forced to live with my friends 24/7.

I know there’s no quick fix for this sort of thing - you can’t just flip a switch and suddenly you’re close friends instead of friendly acquaintances. It takes time. But perhaps I can accelerate that process by letting go of my self doubt and telling myself that I’m worthy of these friendships, instead of rejecting every single offer to an event by someone I really like just because I’m afraid of coming across as awkward. Perhaps I could smile more, so that I look more inviting for conversations instead of telling people to back off with my poker face. Perhaps I should take risks in 2017 and let go of my stereotypical intp fear of failure, instead of staying in my comfort zone that’s ironic growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. Perhaps I can turn this all around this year.

[charlesendshere]

When I was six and my sister was four, we went swimming at the sea. My sister took all her clothes off and ran to the water, only keeping her underwear on. As I went behind her I heard a grown man commenting on how it as inappropriate and disturbing to see little girl swim without a top. An adult man was, may I quote, « disturbed » by the exposed skin of a four-year-old at the beach. I was young back then, I didn't think much of it. I ran to the water and more or less forgot about it.

When I was eight the boys in my class made a list of all the girls, ranking them from prettiest to ugliest. They put me in last position. Now, I know they hated me – most kids did back then, because I liked to read, wore mismatched clothes and got good grades. They put me last on the list because they knew that it was considered degrading not to be seen as pretty, even by primary school kids. They put me last on the list to remind me that in the end I was not anything more than what they thought of me. They were eight year old kids and they already knew that they somehow had that power. I was used to being mocked back then, so I didn't think much of it.

When I was eleven I went to middle school. The bullying turned even worse. There was this boy, Alan he was called, who sat next to me in maths class. With his friends, while we waited for the teacher to arrive in the corridor, he would make obscene sound behind me, moans and things like that. Sometimes they would grab me by the arms. One day one of them humped on my back. Out of instinct I kicked behind me and I hit me in the balls – my only victory ever against my middle school bullies. He never touched again, but I remember the burning gazes of the other girls. I didn't think much of it back then, because it was definitely not the worst thing they had done or said to me.

When I was twelve my friend got her first period. I remember how she hid it, how she was ashamed of it. She would open her pads in the school bathroom with as much precaution as she could so that no one would hear her tearing the package open. I usually pretended to wash my hands to cover the noise with running water and the hand drier. I thought it was normal back then.

The same year three of my bullies sat on the row in front of me in science class. They stole my pencil case and wrote insults on it, in black ink. When I got it back – it took me a while to realize they stole it – I read words such as slut, whore, she sucks dicks. Twelve year olds wrote that on my belonging and I never managed to erase it completely, so I changed my pencil case. I still remember that the teacher I went to to tell her what happened didn't flinch at the fact that boys had called a twelve year old middle school girl a slut.

When I turned thirteen, and that the whole class was around the same age, I would get low whistles on my path to the board. Boys – and girls – would make fun of me under their breath, about how I looked. The boys that bullied me all these years would giggle and whisper as I went past them, and I tried really hard to ignore them as I wrote down the answers to the exercise and as bile rose in my throat. Around those times I heard insults become bad, like really bad. I heard a boy get called a “fagot” in the corridors, girls get galled “sluts” all the time. Around those times more popular boys would come to me as I put my stuff in my locker and say, giggling all along, that they found me pretty, and then run away. I still have trouble believing anyone who says that nowadays because a part of my brain remembers how cruel teenagers were.

I went to high-school when I turned fourteen, a year ahead and in a new town. I remember very clearly how I got called a prude because I didn't show any particular interest in boys, because I didn't go to parties much. At the end of the school year, a group of girls came to me and asked me if I was a lesbian. I told them no, and it made me uncomfortable. Not because I thought it would be a bad thing, no, because I knew they used the question as an insult.

The year after that I became really close with my first real high school friend. We got along very well and had great times together. From time to time, I would put make-up on, very rarely though. I remember very clearly that one day in the queue to the cafeteria that one girl asked me if I wanted to impress someone, if I had a crush. I was full of insecurities back then, a lot worse than now, and I did not find the right come back, which would have been that I don't wear make up, or anything else, for anyone else than myself. But somehow no one could think of that themselves.

That same year I went to a foreign country as an exchange student for two months. I had known the family I stayed with since I was born and their daughter was my childhood best friend. I had a great time at school there, a great change from my usual high-school. I made good friends, visited nice historical places and tried new foods, all the cool stuff. Except, when I went home from school, I would go to the room I shared with the other to read, do homework or simply rest and he would come. He was younger than me by over a year and a half, and way stronger. When we were children (I was around eight) he was my “boyfriend”. Somehow, he never got over that. He never went as far as raping me, but he held against the wall, grabbed my wrists, kept me pinned to the bed. He would rub himself against me. He would whisper that “boys have needs. Yes it's down there. Please just one time”, as I shook my head and told him, again and again “No, no, go away, don't touch me, go away”. He felt entitled. He felt he had rights over my own body. And he would tickle me, maybe as a way to prove himself that it was playful. During the day he would always sit next to me. When we watched movies on the couch, with the whole family he would slip a hand underneath my leg as I squirmed and tried to swat it away. Same thing in the car. When I was sitting at the table in the kitchen doing homework, he would bring his computer to play games and sit right next to me, so that I knew that I had no private space; he would stare at me while my back was turned to him until I felt the back of my neck burn. It stopped when one day, as we were waiting in the car for the parents to go back from buying a few things at the grocery store on the way back from a day out, he tickled his sister and I as a way to annoy her, and to take more power from me. We told him to stop, many times, his sister yelled at him about how it was inappropriate and rude to continue when he had been told no. Because he tickled me when he assaulted me he knew my most ticklish spots and he showed it to his sister. My hands were trembling. When the parents got back, she told them what he had done and all the way home he got a lecture from his father about how rude it is to touch girls when they don't give full consent, how inappropriate it was and how it would get him in trouble. That no meant no. From that day on he never touched me again.

I went back to my country ten days after it had stopped. Over two years later, I still struggle with the consequences of what he did. I grew utterly terrified of physical contact. I couldn't even handle my own mother's hand on my shoulder. I almost punched my brother's friend because he touched my shoulder to get my attention and it surprised me. I had nightmares where people would grab my arms and my wrists and pulled me towards the darkness. But I never told anyone about it until two years later. I kept it hidden and I don't even know why. Because of how skittish I was around everyone, I got called a prude. They didn't know, my bullies, that I was not a prude, but a sexual assault survivor, neither did I at the time.

High school ended and I went to uni. I met my first boyfriend here. He was the first person to know about what had happened. It angered him to know that a guy dared to do that to me, that someone had hurt me like that. Then, long story short, after a little less than four months into our relationship, he dumped me. It hurt me, it was my first heartbreak. The nice and tender boyfriend I had known disappeared. One day, he told me that one of the reasons he fell out of love with (not only broke up with me) was because I was still heavily traumatized. It destroyed me. I went spiraling down into the worst episode of depression in my life. I still have scars on my forearms to remind me of it.

Then the nightmares came back, worse than ever, and the fear of touch, of crowds with it. I didn't sleep, didn't eat and didn't laugh for about a month. I got called a prude again.

Every year in the city I study in, there is this huge carnival. It's basically 30 000 students parading in the streets. I remember my friends telling me that I would inevitably get my ass groped, or slapped by a dunk guy. That I should keep pepper spray in my hand bag just in case. To be careful because every year girls get raped. I remember being terrified that young girls had to be given advice like that.

At the end of the school year I went back to my parents. I went to the farmer's market with my mum one morning, wearing a tank top because the weather was very warm. I don't know if I hadn't realized until then, or if I caught the men's eyes, but I felt gazes on me. I saw guys at least twice my age look at me from head to toe with a side grin. Same thing when I went at the swimming pool with my thirteen year old brother and his friend one afternoon.

There is so much more. The whistles, how I came back from my friends place in the evening with my keys between my finger, the weird man that followed me in the bus. One night, a friend and I took the last bus to go home. A man, at least twice my age, drunk, came to us and started talking to us. I ignored him, but my friend didn't know what to do and only saw a man who was lost, and asked him which bus he would take. He said “the one you're taking” and I saw her go very very pale. There were other guys at the bus stop and all they did was laugh. We took the first bus that came and we ran toward it, her hand crushed in mine, to escape him and not to give him time to react. I could tell you about a friend of my dad (a woman) who, when the rape and sexual abuse on two sixteen year old girls accusations of a famous French comedian came into the conversation, said loud and clear that, I am quoting “When you are sixteen, you are sexually active and you know what you want. When you go to a fifty year old famous man you are going to him for a reason”. I clenched my fingers around my glass and almost broke it. I was furious, because I know what it's like, the power of abusers over you, especially when you are young.

I could tell you about the boys that would slide their heads underneath the wood panels of the changing cabins at the local swimming pools to look at girls. About other men in the bus late at night. About guys from my family who claim that 99% of the Me Too movements victim accounts are bullshit and just women wanting attention. How guys defended the insistence they muster when they want a girl's number during a night out and made a list of the excuses they have for ignoring a “no”. How I hear all the time that “a girl should not dress like that”, or my friend's parents who claim that when a girl gets raped, it's mostly her fault. About how badly women's pain is underestimated (I saw one of my friends literally pass out from pain, lay crumpled on the floor for two hours because she could barely move without screaming in pain, and being told she was just anxious). I could tell you about how scared some girls are of guys in the streets at night. How we get judged by complete strangers on public transportation. The PE teacher who made comments about girl's legs and would never give you over 11 over 20 if you were a girls whose legs he hadn't noticed. How every single girl and woman I know has a story like this, all of them. About stares on the streets, the uncle who held them a little too tight during family gatherings, the boy who insulted them when they refused to talk to them in a bar, the man who stroked himself looking at them on the train, the slurs, the stares, all of them have a story, and a great many of them have plenty to tell.

I turned eighteen a month ago. I already saw all of that and lived through all of that. It makes me so angry when I hear people that things like the stuff I just told don't happen, or that it's just part of our society, that it's not that bad. You have no idea then. I just turned eighteen and I already know that I have to keep my phone unlocked in my pocket, with my friend's number on speed dial when I see a man stare at me creepily. I already know how much many men take for granted. How much rights they think they have. So don't tell me men are being threatened. That women are making a fuss of unimportant things. Don't tell me that it's rare, isolated cases. It's not. It's happening every day, in front of everyone's eyes. No one can pretend they don't see it. No one.

Of course not all men are guilty. Actually most of them are respectful and perfectly safe to be with or around. But still, every woman of this world is stared at, judged, followed late at night, considered for granted and someone's right to take at some point in their life. At least once.

We all have a story. I have hundreds of them, and I'm eighteen. I just want it to stop. This is not the world I want to live in. I'm still hopeful that things are changing and that we are slowly going the right direction. I'm still hopeful that one day – the sooner the better – eight year old girls won't be ranked in a list, that women won't feel stares on their breasts as they go for a swim at the beach, that not one boy or man on this planet will abuse a girl just because “boys have needs”. That “prude” and “slut” won't be insults we hear anymore. That a sexuality will not be used as a way to insult bullied teenagers. That men will simply leave women be.

That's all I hope. It shouldn't be such a big thing to achieve, but here we are.

That's all I hope.