#there is something about this style i never have painted so quickly in my life. It just...somehow works for me.
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ygodmyy20 · 4 months ago
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Once your vessel has been shattered.... this is what remains?
I have been trying to draw this scene since the day I saw this episode. And ever time I tried, it never felt right, it never flowed, it never did what I wanted it to do. I think this is my 4th or 5th attempt.
I think I finally figured it out.
Timelapse below the cut.
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mitraoki · 9 months ago
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genshin men brainrot!
note; just something to ease my way back into writing. i truly miss it a lot - considering how much i abandoned it during my recent semester(⊙_⊙;) i hope you guys enjoy it!
cw; a little suggestive, they're just smitten for u, violence but against other people!!
masterlist.
+ wriothesley has this thing where he likes being yanked by the tie. only from his beloved, of course. someone else comes into play and he’s choking them next. the way your fingers wrapped around the fabric, twisting them around your fist, bringing him in closer till your foreheads touch, and your breathing syncopates with his. whether it's for fun, or when the two of you are left alone in his office, that little smirk is painted across his face and the next thing you know, he's smothering you with kisses.
"someone's needy. not complaining, just anticipating is all."
+ on stressful days, alhaitham forgets reality. no, it's not the kind where he forgets to eat or drink, it's the kind where he becomes a full time machine. all he does is take orders, execute them perfectly, and tend to the various other tasks piling up on his desk. for someone always assuring you that his workload isn't as concerning as you thought it was; it was fearsome to see his questionable demeanor when he meets up with you in public. though, it all comes to end when the two of you are alone - did you flip a switch in him or something? - he's wrapping his arms around your figure from behind, leaving a trail of kisses down your neck and whispering continuous apologies.
"...what can i do to make it up to you?" + neuvilette loves giving you gifts. it was that one time when you'd mentioned you loved the way he crafted it from scratch, bringing his ideas to life. in a way, it's another huge step for him to understand the little things of a human's life; and you were his number one supporter. there he sits during his free time, getting ideas from some of the melusines about what he should give you next. he takes notes of your likes and dislikes very quickly, but everything has to be perfect, just for you. anything to see that smile of yours bloom time and time again.
"if one's not enough, perhaps i can get you tons more! ....no such thing, this was a piece of cake."
+ kaveh loves styling your hair. he's definitely not the kind to judge the length of your hair - he can work with anything you prefer to have. from hair clips to peonies - his skillful fingers work through your locks, getting them done in a jiffy. he makes sure to not hurt you in the process, too. sometimes he even comes home with a new collection of hair clips, claiming that 'it would definitely look good in your hair!' every single time he finishes, he makes sure to get a good look at you, admiring every facial feature of yours. it ends up making you feel flustered, but he's just so in love with you. just what did he do to have such a lover like you...?
"as beautiful as always, my love."
+ not everyday is sunshine and rainbows for ayato. there were even times where your hand would reach out for nothing but a note on your shared bed, stating that he was off to settle yet another matter which frankly, did not require him at all. it was just regulations he had to follow. though you could see the slight changes in his handwriting, indicating that he wrote them all with a heavy heart. except for the 'i love you.' he wrote that with ease, a reassurance that he will return to your arms. when he does, he swings you around, pulling you in for the biggest embrace. he peppers kisses along the bridge of your nose, lingering around your lips, trailing them down to your chin, your neck. any place he could catch a glimpse of in the moment.
"i've never cursed at time as much as i did today. i hope it treats us well tonight."
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all created content belongs to mitraoki. reposts/remakes are not allowed.
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kentopedia · 6 months ago
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˚₊‧꒰ა cold embrace (provenance) — fyodor dostoevsky
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𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎. you buy a two hundred year old house with a two hundred year old painting hanging above the mantel. it's not the only thing the previous owner left behind.
𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈. ghost!fyodor, f!reader, violence, angst, death, alternate / modern universe, no smut but it is suggestive, fyodor is kind of a pervy ghost so, wc: 6.1k
𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈. this one has two titles bc it was supposed to be for my kinktober... never finished it. embarrassing ! but here is a semi-revamped version for this series! i can finally check it off my wips page <3 idk how i feel about it but i hope you enjoy
part of my summerween series !
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A chime from the grandfather clock brings Fyodor out of his stupor, the sound signaling another day, another meaningless hour that will only continue his eternal misery. He’s grown used to it now—evening after evening of emptiness, of reading nothing but the same books, playing the same pieces of dull sheet music, and the lifeless chess matches against himself. The house is cold with only his presence, dusty without a housekeeper and a life to make it a home.
There are a million things in Fyodor’s life that he must have done to deserve this misery, but he can’t pinpoint which one solidified his reward of a lamentable, endless cycle.
He’s certain hell is better than this. It’s something he wishes for every day, if only to have an eternal companion with the devil, a challenge to overcome.
Though, even with this boredom, Fyodor refuses to let anyone live in his home. They’ll only serve to be another pain, something that would, surely, push him past the brink of sanity.
The centuries old décor will get replaced with gaudy twenty-first century items, ones that will be nothing more than an eyesore. There are a few already scattered around his home from previous tenants, but only things that he believed useful enough for him to keep; a few books from authors he didn’t live to read, a television from the nineties, a computer that he watched one couple scroll on before he murdered them in cold blood.
Perhaps he is two hundred years dead and gone, but he refuses to be an ignorant ghost, one that is unaware of anything beyond these four walls, caught forever in the past.
Although now, it’s been a while since anyone’s tried to move in, and he’s certain the only reason the house hasn’t been torn down is because its preserved nicely, an eighteenth-century home that has withstood the test of time.
Fyodor, in his lowest moments, wishes they would tear it down. Maybe then, and only then, can he be set free. Or maybe, he’s forever trapped in this exhaustive lot, doomed to decay, even when there’s nothing left of the foundations but soil.
He pushes a pawn forward on the board, putting himself in checkmate for the millionth time in a row. It’s been so long that he’s used to his own tricks. Even the computer, which he’d come to understand quickly, is no match for him. It’s far too exhaustive to play against a machine that utilizes an algorithm he can so easily decipher.
Out of nowhere, the front door unlocks, and Fyodor glances over at the sound, dark hair falling over his eyes. Seconds later, he notices an older realtor with a clipboard leading you around, a woman he’s never seen, dressed up nicely with a darker shade of lipstick smeared across your mouth.
He’s been through this before. It’s a miracle the realtor hasn’t given up on this house yet, a mansion she is determined to sell despite the endless horrors that have been committed by his hand.
“Here it is,” she says, nervous, gesturing around the expansive hall, the crystal chandelier and staircase that immediately follows. “It was built in 1731, but one of the owners remolded it in the style of the mid-nineteenth century. The structure has been stabilized; it’s safe… enough.”
The two of you chat, but he doesn’t bother to listen in. It’s all questions of: when can I move in? can we negotiate? — things you will come to regret once he sets his sights on killing you.
Then, the realtor is sighing, wringing her hands together as she watches you spin around the house in awe. It’s clear that you’re impressed by the layout, the rich furniture and colors that have been used.
That, at least, satisfies Fyodor. Everyone else who has moved in was looking to upgrade it to a modern style, rid the place of its aged grace and charm.
“I’m truly sorry,” she says, brushing curly hair away from her cheekbones. “But I am legally obligated to tell you that every person who has lived here before has suffered a terrible, terrible fate. There have been gruesome murders that cannot be explained, done in ways that I don’t even want to tell you about.”
You laugh, eyeing her with skepticism. “Are you telling me it’s haunted?”
The realtor shrugs. “That’s what people say.”
“I don’t believe in ghosts,” you answer, and Fyodor rolls his eyes, scoffing as he floats to the second floor, unable to listen into the unreasonable conversation anymore. It’s been the same story for decades. No one believes in ghosts, but it is always a ghost that kills them.
He returns to the chess board, irritated, though unable to consider the game any further. Your face is stuck in his mind. For some reason, he can’t remember the last time he’s ever seen anyone with such beauty.
Fyodor stops; your ageless elegance doesn’t matter—it can’t, and it won’t. You’ll be dead by the end of the month, when you gather all your things and invade the bedroom that was once his own. Even if you are beautiful, you are a nuisance, a threat to Fyodor’s eternal torment and quiet existence.
Still, he can’t help but wonder if it would be nice to have something other than his own thoughts to distract him from the endless misery.
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You move in on the thirteenth of June, nothing more than a few boxes and a decade old car to keep you company. He guesses you’ve traveled a long distance to get here, and you’ve gotten rid of half of your life in the process.
A good thing for him. That means things can be over relatively quickly, and all your belongings can be disposed of easily after he kills you.
You spend the entire first day unpacking, and Fyodor waits patiently, allows you time to get comfortable in his home. He watches as you bring a stack of thick novels into the waiting room, which once boasted large parties, and place them on a shelf below those that have his name within the covers.
You take a few calls as you hang up your autumn coats, ones that won’t be needed for a few months. The voice on the other line sounds frantic, worried. A local, most likely. You only seem annoyed by his continuous string of anxieties.
When the sun sets, and you grow tired, you rub your eyes and head to bed. The first night you will spend in this place that Fyodor likens to Hell.
It’s the time he’s been waiting for—a moment to catch you off guard. You are so unsuspecting, already so at home in the mansion, that you have no fear of anything hurting you in the middle of the night.
While you get ready for bed, Fyodor slips into your room, observing the pieces of your life that have conquered his bedroom. A soft classical piece plays from your phone, one that he recognizes from his mortal life. Clearly, you are fascinated by the period he once lived in. A shame, really, he won’t be able to tell you more about it.
You leave the bathroom, come back towards him to change into a pair of small shorts, a large shirt hanging over your frame.
He’s forgotten how long it’s been since he’s seen a woman, how long since he’s touched one.
Fyodor finds himself distracted by your body, the smoothness of your skin. His eyes travel over your legs, your hips, the fullness of your breasts and ignores how much he desires to let his thumb graze over your flesh. There is something so soft about you, so gentle and innocent.
Perhaps, that is where his fascination stems from: he has always been the opposite. Even in his human existence, Fyodor was not a kind man, and he doesn’t plan on becoming one now that he is dead.
He shakes away the vision, the thoughts that swirl within his mind. It has been far too long since he has experienced any sort of pleasure, and maybe even a man as cold as himself is not immune to the desires that course within his veins.
Though he tries to be. He ignores his arousal desperately in exchange for a renewed bloodlust.
You climb into bed, put your phone on the white cord, and shut your eyes. Thirty minutes later, you’re sleeping soundly, soft puffs of air leaving your lips as you sleep.
It’s the opportune moment. The silver knife gleams brightly in his hand, streaks of moonlight tracing over the slanted point. It’s the same blade he’s killed every other new tenant with, their screams still echo in the halls like a harmonious melody each time he bring the knife down on another unknowing victim.
He stands before you at the side of the bed, watches as your chest rises and falls, the evidence of your life undeniable. You are a lovely image like this, something to be painted and adored; more beautiful than many of the women he’d met in his time, even those who were of the finest elite in the country.
Fyodor presses the blade to your throat, contemplative. He considers how much lovelier you will look with the scarlet stain of blood seeping down your neck, spraying across the room and ruining the fresh sheets. Will you awaken, gasping as you claw at your throat, or will you drift away without even understanding what has become of you?
He pictures it, and digs the blade close to your throat, nothing more than a pinprick of blood flowering there.
You don’t awaken; but you a little sound leaves you, something between a gasp and a moan, and you shift away from the knife gripped between his pale fingers. It’s a sound that has him pausing, musing, as he regards your vulnerable state, a beautiful figure there with no clue that such a murderous man is also a resident in her home.
You make another one of those pretty noises in your throat, and Fyodor, against two centuries of murderous intent, pulls the knife away. He watches as you roll on your stomach, your shirt scrunching, moving up your body to reveal the undersides of your breasts. Your hand shifts towards him on the bed, reaching in his direction, before you still. Then, your breathing is back to normal, evened out completely.
Your lips part blissfully as you sigh in your sleep.
He can’t stop looking at you, can’t stop wondering what his name would sound like leaving the perfect swell of your mouth, if you’d sound just as pretty when you orgasm as you do when you’re asleep.
Surely, he can find a better use for you—it would be a shame for such a pretty thing to go out so early.
As he draws back, Fyodor notices the chess board on the side table, the pieces arranged nicely, each on the correct square. He can’t tell if you play. You could just have it for decoration, or perhaps it was a gift given to you from a lover that he hasn’t seen pictures of, the one that he’s certain someone as lovely as you must have.
The board is aged; not as old as the one in the drawing room, but a nice set, nonetheless. Fyodor glances back at your sleeping form once more, smiles coolly to himself, and shifts a pawn forward.
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The chess piece is the first thing you notice in the morning.
It’s almost ridiculous how easily it catches your eye, a tiny little movement within the chaos that was your brand-new room. A pawn is on a different square, leering at you from the other wall, as if smiling, a flashing sign above its head, calling to you, hoping you’ll pay attention.
You almost think nothing of it; things can move, can’t they? Perhaps there was a shift in the earth overnight… Though, that makes little sense when you think about it rationally.
It’s strange, that much is certain. You remember the realtor telling you about the ghosts, and though you aren’t inclined to believe in haunted houses and scary stories, you find a part of yourself questioning the logic of the chess piece.
You are certain it was on the correct square before you slept.
It’s the only thing on your mind as you get ready, suffer through a tasteless breakfast, and throw on a rain jacket to combat the dreary weather. You’re meeting a friend for lunch—the only friend you have in this town. Sigma is the sole reason you decided to move here, instead of the other arbitrary cities that you’d been desperate to escape to.
Still, the board won’t leave your mind. You take one last glance at it before, on a whim, pushing the opposite color pawn forward as well.
Then you leave, hoping that a conversation with your friend will take your mind off the strangeness of that happenstance, the anxiety you feel about moving to a new place, a new job where no one knows you, a home that stays cold, despite the heat that reigns with long summers.
The walk to the cafe is short, but with the wind and the drizzling rain, you are miserable, your hands wrinkling from the dampness, even within your pockets.
Sigma is waiting for you, his lavender and white hair loose over his shoulders as he peruses the menu, eyes darting across it like he’s never read it before.
You sit, offer him a greeting, and though your conversation is cordial, the two of you catching up on your day, you eventually ask the question you’ve been dying to know.
“Do you believe in ghosts?”
Sigma stops, puts the utensil back down on his plate, and regards you with a thin frown. “Did something happen?”
You think of the chess piece, wonder if another will be moved when you get home. “No, but—”
“I told you not to move into that house,” he says, eyes narrowing. Sigma refuses to step into that mansion, grows anxious every time you mention it. “Over ten people have died there. Do you want to get murdered?”
“No particularly,” you say, staring at him flatly, your mouth pulling into a line. “But I’ve made it one night already. I’ll be fine.”
A hard laugh leaves him, as he shakes his head, unamused by your cheekiness. “That’s what they all say, isn’t it? Then they all die.”
“Very dramatic.” You take a long sip of your water. Sigma’s features don’t crack in the slightest as he stares at you, waiting for you to continue. “I’m not scared. I just want to know if you believe in ghosts or not… Because I don’t.”
Sigma’s eyes flit across your face, searching for any hint of a lie, for any signs of fear. When he finds none, his hands stretch across the table, lacing them together as he glares. “Whether you believe in ghosts or not doesn’t matter. There’s something evil about that house, and you’re putting yourself in danger by living there.”
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The conversation with Sigma weighs on your mind for hours after, when you return home, still thinking about the chess board. It was just as you’d left it, two pawns moved forward, staring each other down menacingly. Nothing out of the ordinary.
You sigh and finally put it out of your mind. It was just a coincidence, that’s all. The piece was probably on the wrong square all along, and you’d been too tired last night to notice it.
Instead, you focus your sights on unpacking, and contemplate what to do with the portrait hanging above the mantel.
It’s a dusty old thing, one that the previous owners had, for some reason, never taken down. It had hung over the mantel for centuries, the corners faded from the sun, but the sinister grin of the subject never losing its effect.
You tilt your head, stare at it from a different angle. Looking at it that way, you could, perhaps, see why the painting appealed to them. It’s old, with a style from a different century, and the man composed of deep shadows and pale colors is undeniably handsome. He seems out of place in the portrait, trapped there, too otherworldly to be captured on such a canvas. His features are sharp, molded out of something tougher than diamonds, something more beautiful than this plane is able to comprehend. His deep eyes seem to know all as they stare at you, trace you across the room.
For minutes, you are hypnotized, before a wave of disgust washes over you, and you turn away, unable to look at it any longer. You’ll sell it, you decide. Maybe it will be worth a pretty penny.
That evening, you decide to look into it, but the search into a local art dealer doesn’t get far. When you sit down at your laptop, beginning to type your question into the browser, the lid shuts on your fingertips.
It takes a moment for you to register what had happened. A faint sting dances along the back of your hands, your knuckles tender as you lift the lid back up. Lines bounce along the screen, as if the imprint of your hand had made its way into the pixels, matching the pulse of your nerves.
You curse lowly, hoping that a reset will fix the issue.
The lid had just fallen, nothing serious. It was a newer model, but those things could happen. Issues with the manufacturing, with the way it was assembled. Technology fails you all the time.
You hold the power button, irritated, and upset, when a horrible, screeching noise echoes from the computer. Nothing but a shrill scream, the speakers begging you for help. You slam it shut once more, and the noise stops, but your heartbeat doesn’t slow down.
Shit.
Tomorrow, you’ll have to take it in, and see if anyone can discern the issues. It’s not ideal, but there’s so many things to still need to do, and a broken laptop makes those things very difficult.
You sigh, pushing the chair back into the table. The portrait looms above you as you retreat back to your room, hands shaking. It’s irrational, you know it is, but you swear his eyes follow you all the way up the stairs.
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It doesn’t take long for you to start believing in the ghost that is haunting your manor, the one who has let you live for a week and who plays a new game of chess every time your back is turned. Whoever it is, they are much better than you; so far, you’ve lost twice—haven’t even gotten close to winning.
He hides things from you, items that you are needing for the next day, papers that you can’t submit to work on time because the important files have been stashed away.
You find your books opened to paragraphs the ghost seemingly finds interesting, your sheet music scattered in a mess when you return. The candles get blown out unexpectedly, and doors slam when you’re not suspecting it.
If he’s trying to scare you—it isn’t working. You remain in the house, sometimes talking to him like he’s a friend, whispering amongst the walls that know all of the secrets in your home.
You stop at the library on your free weekend, flipping through a dusty copy of the local legends, only stopping when you find your home. There’s a copy of the painting there—your painting, the one that still hangs above your mantel, despite your better judgment.
Beside it, there’s a painting of your home, done when the house was first built. The outside of it is a differently color entirely, the garden in front blooming with pink and yellow flowers. It looks cheerful; the home of a warm and loving family, inviting and kind to each of the neighborhood children. Nothing like the dark manor it is today, with a dead garden in the front and shutters that keep even an ounce of light out.
You read the pages proceeding the painting. The first owner had been a kind man, but the next were not such. After the original owner lost his wealth, he sold the house, passed it to a line of greedy men, ones that were focused only on their money. For a century, it went on this way—until a man named Fyodor Dostoevsky purchased the home for twice as much as it once was.
He was the one who changed it, renovated it, upgraded it to his own personal style, ensuring that it fit in with the times and his own opinions of luxury. Fyodor was charming, but ruthless, deadly with his own intelligence, owning half the town as they lost their money to his schemes.
Fyodor’s rein came to an end when he was poisoned by his closest friend, perhaps the one man he had trusted. It was the first murder in a string of ones to follow within the house.
You close the book, unsure if you regret the knowledge you’d gained or not.
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The house feels colder now that you know the history of it. As if you can see the cruelty etched into every wall. Colors of the home bleed into each other, a pastel yellow of warmth and light, and the next room empty, almost uninhabitable, with its royal purples.
You stare at the portrait as you make dinner, feeling like you can never escape the gaze of those oil painted eyes. He has a name now—Fyodor. It feels even more disarming now that you know more about him than he’ll ever know about you.
And though Fyodor watches you, every night, from every angle, you convince yourself it’s just the way that the painting is situated. It would be foolish to think that he’s really watching every move you make, irises pinned on your form, unblinking.
The oven heats up behind you as you cut up your food, humming a soft tune to yourself. It’s getting hotter outside – you’d almost forgotten how miserable the summers could be. You forget every year, even though you’ve lived many.
Just as you’re getting lost in your thoughts, going through a list of things that need to get done in your fixer-upper home, you hear a scratch behind you.
It’s a quick sound, so quick that you almost think it was only your imagination. It’s enough to give you pause, your humming fading out into the night as your eyes dart around your house. Although you’ve tried not to let urban legends get the best of you, you’re paranoid in this aged mansion now.
A few seconds pass. You listen to the sound of your own heartrate, feel it pounding in your chest as you will it to calm down. It’s just enough time for you to convince yourself that it was nothing, that you’re far too nervous about silly ghosts to think rationally.
Though as you turn, a knife flies from the counter, just grazing your cheek, but enough to cause a scratch to open up against the skin. Your finger draws away scarlet as you press it to the wound, staring at the painted crevices of your fingertip.
You can’t move. Despite every cell in your body begging, screaming at you to move, you’re frozen, trapped in the four walls of that kitchen as you stare at your bloodied hand.
It’s all a dream, you repeat to yourself. A dream.
One that you don’t wake up from.
Time passes strangely, when every muscle in your body is on edge, your head pounding from the anxiety that spikes throughout your nervous system. A bead of sweat drips from your temple, and though you aren’t sure how long you stand there, nothing else happens. The knife remains lodged in the wall behind you, and the ghost makes no other attempt to lodge one into your stomach.
It’s quiet. There’s no noise, save for the music that plays softly from your phone.
After you regain control of your racing heartrate, you realize that the song playing isn’t what you’d put on originally. It had switched to a gentle, classical piece. Tchaikovsky, you think… or something similar. Something that a man from a different era would be familiar with.
“Who’s there?” You find yourself saying, perhaps stupidly. “What do you want?”
There’s no response – of course there isn’t. You’re talking to the air. To a ghost. No one had gotten inside the house. You’d checked more than enough times, just as you always did.
“I live here now,” you offer, thinking that, perhaps anger is not the best course of action. Neither is fear, though, if the scary movies you’d watched as a teenager had been any indication. “But I’ll leave, if you want me to.”
There’s no answer to that either.
You sigh, and deflate once more, trying to make yourself believe that there was a logical explanation to knives flying and playlists changing. Just as you’d made yourself believe that everything the “ghost” had done before was just a game, innocently played.
Perhaps, there was never a ghost at all. It could be that stress is driving you to insanity.
With a glass of wine in your hand, you finish up dinner, feeling like you are at your wit’s end. How is it that only a few weeks in this house has already singed your mind, turned you into a believer of things that you are not?
The portrait feels like an omen, staring at you with violet eyes, as you wonder where Fyodor is now. Does he watch you when your home, cooking, as you shower, a vicious gaze tracing over each curve of your body, with a sickening thought of all the things he wishes to do to you?
You shiver. It’ s been a while since anyone’s looked at you with a hint of desire. The feeling has become foreign, now, but you can still recall the gratification that comes with being wanted, how it makes you feel, if only for a moment, comfortable in your own skin.
That thought alone quickly snaps you out of your irrational behavior. Thinking of a ghost wanting you? A man that had been buried in the earth for so long that his body would be nothing more than bones?
This house was making you sick, you concluded, wrapping your leftovers up in plastic and tinfoil, placing them in the fridge. Your nervous friend was right – you never should’ve moved into this house, and you never should have stayed this long.
Your hands shook along the banister, heart racing around every corner. You expected that, maybe, you would see a dark-haired spirit there, his body translucent, but still corporeal. Though, there was no spirit hiding within the depths of the shadows, lurking in the places where he still belonged. No sounds startled you, caused you to jump as you brushed your teeth, completed the one last routine of your day.
The bed was colder than usual as you climbed into it, like a flush of a cold spot had settled within the sheets. You remembered what they said about temperatures and ghosts—how they changed, nothing able to survive in the places that they haunted, as they were not of this world, but something in between, something unnatural.
Your lamp flickers as you turn it on, and it’s just one more red flag you choose to ignore. In houses as old as this one, there are issues like that. The wiring is faulty, the electric needs to be monitored, a laundry list of items you will probably never resolve.
There are a thousand rational conclusions, though, and only one irrational one, which puts your mind at ease. Things like flickering lamps and cold spots can be explained simply, even if knives flying at your face cannot.
Still, you settle into bed, deciding that you will talk to the realtor again soon. You’ll move in with Sigma if he’ll have you. Anything to put your mind at ease for good.
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That night, you dream of Fyodor, as if he is there right in the room with you, looming above you with those deep, violent eyes. His fingers, long and pale, trace across your cheekbones, as your eyes flutter open, consciousness coming back to you.
He says your name – it’s no surprise he knows it, after living with you for so long. It’s spoken softly, with a hint of possession behind it, like you belong to him. And yet, you’ve never said a word to him, even if all this time, he’s gotten to know you better than anyone else ever has.
You expect a scream to leave your throat, some hint of surprise, of fear, even, to see a stranger in your bedroom. To see him watching you with those familiar eyes, hair falling over his pale forehead as he gazes down at you from the edge of the bed.
No sound emerges.
Your mind feels a little fuzzy, hazy at the edges as you blink at him, closer to a state of intoxication, than you are alertness. Despite that awareness, you can’t seem to snap out of it; maybe you don’t want to. Instead, you sink deeper into the warmth, the honeyed feeling that comes with turning off your rationality. Everything feels as if it’s coming through in blurred, rosy glasses.
“Fyodor,” you mouth, instead of the scream that you’d anticipated, his name coming out in two wistful syllables.
You should hate him – there’s something in your instincts pushing back at you. A flash of a knife, the days of chaos and uncertainty, where you were sure you were losing your mind, come back at you.
But none of that seems to matter now, as you trace your finger across his cheek, feeling the sharp indent below the high bone. His eyelashes are a shade lighter than his hair, soft as they flutter over his forehead. The portrait of him didn’t do him justice… or perhaps, it is in death that he has found his purest form.
“I’m too tired.”
You’re not sure where those words even come from. Calm, like this is nothing but routine, and waking up with Fyodor beside you is the closest thing to normalcy.
He smiles at you, leaning over you again on the bed, lips pulled tightly together in a morbid grin. It does little to sour your mood, to scare you into action, even if you can’t quite understand why.
“I know,” he replies.
It’s the first time you’ve heard him speak, a deep, accented sound smoothing against your ears as he traces his gaze against each of your features; musical, almost. His voice calms you, lulls you back into a meditative state.
You reach for him, in a trance, and twirl a strand of his hair between your finger, just to see if he’d let you. After the hell you’d been through the past week, well – was it really that miserable? He seems content to watch over you, observe the gentle movements of his dark hair coiled up around your pointer finger.
“Why are you here?” you ask, your voice softer than a whisper, carried away by the wind until it never existed at all.
Fyodor never disappears from your line of sight, even when you try to blink, to close your eyes. He’s there, gazing at you with a lustful fondness, one that’s dangerous, perhaps even malicious. If it’s a dream, it sure feels like a vivid one.
“You wanted to leave,” he says, taking your finger away from his face, before bringing it to his lips. The kiss is barely there, and his mouth is cold, chapped, from the brutality of the afterlife. “I couldn’t let you do that.”
“Hm?” You try to sit up. It takes more effort than it should’ve – you’re so relaxed, so weak, that you fall back down, letting yourself sink into the plushness of the pillow. “Why?”
Fyodor releases your hand, before touching his own finger to your mouth. It’s slender, like a piece of ice, gently parting your lips before grazing your chin, hovering over your neck. Then, he drops his touch to your collarbone. He stakes a claim on every inch of your skin, pausing as he reaches your chest, still covered by the blankets.
Your clothing is thin – it wouldn’t take much effort to get his cool hands on your bare skin. But he refrains, still smiling before answering your question, tucking his hands together onto his lap. “It’s been so long.”
It doesn’t make sense, but you can’t muster up the effort to question him, not when he’s contemplating every word, like he’s hesitant to scare you away. You let him think, watch him ponder, as you stare, too exhausted to move a muscle.
“I thought you’d be like all the rest,” he says, taking a seat next to you on the bed, nearly touching your hip. “They were nothing but filth, stains in these halls. It’s a crime for them to ever think that they belonged here. In my home.”
You blink. “It’s my home, too,” you say, suddenly filled with an immense amount of dread. It crawls up your neck, chokes you, and nothing leaves you but garbled sounds, as you panic.
Fyodor doesn’t move – there is no twitch in his features, as he watches you with disguised adoration, a kind you didn’t think a ghost capable of revealing. “Of course it is, darling,” he says, so softly, it could’ve been mistaken for kindness. Fyodor leans down, presses his cold, dead lips to your cheek, a kiss of death. “That’s why I couldn’t let you leave. It’s your home. You belong here.”
“Right,” you breath, steadying yourself, before nodding. “My home.” Once more, you gaze around the room, your eyes flicking over every surface. Things are exactly as you’d left them, nothing out of place. “With you?”
The ghost smiles, and reaches out to you, finally helping you into a seated position. Your neck is so stiff, in pain, and you roll it around, feeling nothing there when you expect shifting bones. “With me,” Fyodor confirms, running his icy fingertips across your throat, tangling them with your hair.
He leans into you, pressing a lingering kiss to your mouth, one that catches you off balance, before you accept it with an eagerness that surprises you further. It doesn’t feel unfamiliar, instead, it’s as if you’re coming home, like the man you’ve never seen until now was always meant to find you.
A thought that should’ve scared you, even though it doesn’t.
Fyodor pulls away, right as you begin to shift forward, maneuver yourself onto his lap. “You should rest,” he replies, keeping you at a distance. “It might take some time to adjust.”
“Hm? What do you mean?” you blink, holding onto his wrist as your gaze shifts from his impossibly dark eyes to the mirror across the room.
There, in the darkness of the evening, shrouded in moonlight, you can see your reflection staring back at you, eyes vacant, lifeless. You expect to see yourself as nothing but exhausted, but when you draw your gaze across the image of yourself, there is blood seeping from your neck, a stream of scarlet. There is thick gash across your throat, slashed so deep that it would’ve killed you instantly.
The expression on your face shifts from one of calm to horror, as you scrape at your neck, trying to clear off the blood that isn’t really there, the permanent wound that will follow you even into your death.
“What did you do?” you scream, tears rolling down your cheeks, even though you can’t feel them, can only see them in the mirror. “What did you do to me?”
Fyodor smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners. Though you fight against him, he takes you into his arms, and you are too weak to fight him off. “I told you,” Fyodor says, shushing you, running his palm over your head as you scream. “I couldn’t let you leave.”
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thank you for reading !
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scarletlizzard · 9 months ago
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Part 4: Cat and Mouse
Sessions Series
Parings: dark Wanda x female reader
Tags Minors DNI: smut, mentions of gun/knife, choking, strap on usage (R receiving), major manipulation, toxic, stalker
Masterlist
A/N: Thank you, everyone, for reading my first series! It's been so fun to write. If you have any questions, let me know! I'm thinking of writing an epilogue for it if yall are interested? To show where they are now. Let me know what y'all think 🩷
Early Spring 2016
Wanda tilts her head to the side, a smile on her face as she looks at the painting on the wall.
It's a Renaissance-style painting. A woman draped in elegant attire is depicted running gracefully across a grandiose landscape. Her flowing garments billow behind her as she glances over her shoulder with a mix of fear and excitement in her wide eyes.
Behind her, a single shadow looms ominously, its form elongated and exaggerated. The scene is bathed in soft, golden light, casting long shadows and creating a sense of darkness.
The woman's delicate features and intricate clothing are painted with meticulous detail, while the surrounding scenery showcases the artist's mastery of perspective and depth. The painting seems to capture the eternal struggle between light and darkness.
Wanda felt drawn to it. Something about it was pulling her in. This was her fourth time coming to see it, the gallery being just down the block from her office.
"Haunting, isn't it?" A voice, possibly the most alluring voice she had ever heard, speaks from next to her.
"It's breathtaking," Wanda mutters. Her eyes focus on the woman in the painting, then to the dark shadow behind her.
"The shadow, it never stops chasing her. She's constantly looking back over her shoulder, wondering.." The voice speaks again.
"Wondering what?" Wanda asks.
"Wondering when she'll be caught. It's all a game, see?" A finger points to the small plaque underneath the painting. The title of it read:
Cat and Mouse
***
Current Winter 2018
You felt a sense of deja vu as you ran throughout the house. A sense of unexpected excitement flows through you as your feet carry you to the front door - locked.
As you run down the hallway, your breathing picks up. You hear Wandas loud steps stalking behind you at an even pace. The back door - locked.
Down another hall, door after door - locked.
Running up the stairs you take in Wandas words,
"When I find you, I will fuck you."
You couldn't ignore the ache between your legs or the partial truth to her reasoning.
Had you gone and sought out for a stalker? No, but once your shadow appeared, your life became more interesting. You felt a spark inside of you, and you felt it last night, too.
You find an open door and shut it behind you, quickly locking it. With your back against the hard wood, you take a second to catch your breath. When you hear footsteps from the end of the hall, you also hear Wandas voice.
"Don't forget what I said, darling.." A door opens and closes, the footsteps draw nearer.
A small smile plays on your lips.
You were just as fucked up as she was.
***
Early Spring 2016
Wanda turns to the woman next to her, taking in her bewitching appearance.
"Did you paint this?" Wanda asks. You nod, smiling as you stare at your art.
"I did. I still can't believe it's here," you chuckle to yourself. She watches curiously as you tap your leg 4 times with your finger.
"It's amazing. You are truly talented.." Wanda continues to stare at you.
"Thank you, it's... it's very personal," you say with a nod, turning to the stranger. "She needs the shadow to keep pushing forward, but she'll never admit it to herself."
Before either of you can say anything else, your phone rings. "Excuse me for a moment," you say with a smile, answering the call.
"Hey mom, is everything okay?" Wanda hears you ask as you walk away from her.
She looks at the painting, then to you standing on the other side of the room. A smile slid into a crooked grin on her face, and Wanda knew it was fate.
***
Current Winter 2018
You look around the room you entered, some sort of a guest bedroom. You needed a way out.. Right?
Yes, you needed to get out.
You move around the room, looking for some type of makeshift weapon, but find no such thing. Wandas footsteps stop outside the door, you stand still near the neatly made bed.
"I know you're in there, pretty girl.." The door knob wiggles as she tries to open it, finding it locked. Wanda chuckles darkly.
"Dear Shadow," her voice carries through the door, your eyes widen. There was no way she knew the next words.
"You scare me.. You frighten me.."
"Stop it!" You scream, putting your hands over your ears.
"You scare me because I'm afraid I'll never be able to live a normal life. You frighten me because I like being chased.." Wanda quotes the note you left, the one you thought was locked away in a box underneath a pile of clothes in your closet. The door handle wiggles again.
"You make me feel something, something I know isn't right. I won't play your game.." She finishes talking. And you feel your hands shaking.
"H-How did you get that note?" You ask, fists balled up at your sides. You think back to a session where Wanda even asked you about the note. A note she apparently had, for how long you weren't sure.
"Do you really think I've only been inside of your house the once? You're smarter than that little mouse."
Your stomach dropped again, a sick feeling in your gut at the realization of her words. Wanda had been more a part of your life than you had even realized.
***
Late Summer 2016
Wanda watches from across the street, hidden in the shadows as you unpack boxes in your new home. It had been two months since your mother's funeral, 4 months since she began watching you. She dropped the cigarette she was smoking onto the ground, kicking it out with her foot. She watches as a red-headed woman helps you hang up a painting on the wall. Wanda smiles. It was almost time to begin the game.
***
Fall 2016
"Natasha? Hey!" Wanda says with a perfect smile, a hand runs through her hair.
"Oh my god, hey! We just keep running into each other." Natasha smiles warmly.
Happenstance, right ... Wanda thinks to herself as the red head reaches out her hand. She shakes Natashas' hand with a friendly grip.
"I know it's so crazy! Hey, do you want to grab a coffee sometime? Might as well if we're going to keep seeing each other around," Wanda laughs and looks around the grocery store she's never shopped at before.
"That would be so great, I know a great cafe just down the block.."
***
Winter 2016
Wanda stands outside in the shadows. The same red wine is poured into a glass as you stir a pot on the stove. She watches as you look through the window, squinting your eyes. You shake your head and gulp the rest of the wine down, not knowing you were staring right at her.
A vibrate from her pocket pulls her attention, and she looks at the text she received:
Natasha- Hey Wanda! Throwing a Christmas party next Saturday. You in?
Wanda- I'll be there.
You saw in the corner of the room a woman, standing alone. Her eyes watch over the room as she sips out of a red solo cup. She looks.. familiar, you can't quite place it. With the confidence of Rum on your tongue, you walk over to the angelic looking woman. She has a crooked smile on her face as you approach her.
"Wanda," she says after you introduce yourself. It wasn't long after that you were screaming the name for hours in your bedroom.
***
Current Winter 2018
"Now open the door, darling.." Wanda says. You hear 4 taps on the door, not from her hand. You can only assume it was by the knife you saw her unsheathe downstairs.
"And then what? What's the endgame, Wanda?" You ignore her command, standing in front of the door as you question her. She's silent for a while, so quiet you began to wonder if she had disappeared.
"Tell me you don't like the chase. Tell me you hate the way I make you feel. Tell me you want me to stop," she speaks calmly, voice unwavering. You can practically hear the smile on her face as she says, "Tell me all of those things, pretty girl. And if you say it, if you mean it.. I will leave you alone. You can go back to your regular, boring life. The same routine every day. No one chasing after you, pushing you forward. No more shadows."
You swallow hard at her words, mouth open to speak, but no words come out. Wanda will leave you alone, just tell her you're done. Back to reality. Back to...
Wanda stands outside the door, waiting for too long. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a key, unlocking the door. When she opens it all the way, she feels a cool air blowing strands of her hair back. Wanda looks around once. You were nowhere to be found. She laughs and shakes her head, walking to the open window where the breeze flows into the room. Snow floating in gently.
You couldn't say those words to her and mean it. Wanda had run into your life and caused chaos, but you wouldn't be truthful if you said it was already fucked up. With Wanda you felt alive. You felt important. You couldn't live without the dangerous chase.
With windswept hair and an exhilarated look on your face, you dash through a pristine blanket of snow, your bare feet leaving delicate imprints behind you. With each step, a mix of excitement and trepidation dances across your features, your heart racing with the thrill of the moment. The feeling of the snow sticking to your hair and the flakes underneath you heightens the sense of vulnerability and adrenaline coursing through your veins.
It didn't take long for you to hear the familiar pace of Wandas stride coming from behind you.
You make for the trees.
***
Summer 2017
Wanda unscrews another bolt, wiping the sweat that dripped down to her brow. She stands from the AC unit on the side of your house, the mechanical noise coming to a halt. The birds in the trees above her chirped loudly, signaling the sun rising from a distance. She walks away, with each step assuring her imminent return.
****
Current Winter 2018
You find solace behind a tree. Gasping for air, your chest heaving with each breath. As you glance around, all you see are dark trees speckled white with snow. The treetops covered the forest that stood behind Wandas house, the sun peaking through its leaves and branches to light a golden path on the mossy ground.
A branch breaks from behind you. Your hands move to cover your mouth as you hear the steps of your shadow.
****
Summer 2017
"Such a pretty little mouse..."
Wanda sat on top of you, relishing in how easy it was to sneak in. How your body barely fought her off.
"Leave me alone!" You whimper, shaking your head to remove her hand off of your lip.
"Why? We've only just begun pretty girl," her voice makes your chest tighten. You watch with careful eyes as she reaches behind her back, pulling out a gun.
Wanda slides the barrel against your cheek, watching the fear in your eyes. The gun slides down your rapidly moving chest...
And then she sets it down on the floor beside your head.
"You can use it any time you like.. but I know you won't, little mouse," she husks down at you. "You want me here.. you like the idea of a shadow watching over you every day. The feeling I can just walk in at any time.." Wanda chuckles darkly.
Before you can say anything or wonder where her hands are going, you feel a sharp needle prick your neck. You immediately feel your eyes become heavy, your vision blurring as your shadow removes her mask. Features blurry enough that you can't make her out.
"Sweet dreams, Y/N.."
You awake the next morning on the couch with a start, gasping as you look around the room with wide eyes. The pounding in your head and the nauseous feeling in your stomach convinced you that you must have had too much to drink. It was just a bad dream.
But then your eyes catch sight, on the coffee table in front of you, a small black gun.
One that you would wave down the street looking for your shadow, screaming to no one that if they didn't come out, you would kill yourself.
One that you would lie to the police about, saying you bought it off a junkie at the docks to protect your shadow.
The shadow was yours, after all, to deal with.
****
Current Winter 2018
As you stand still like prey avoiding your predator, you hear a subtle sound of a bell ringing. A bell you knew to be followed by a blow of a deep horn as a boat leaves the dock. You wait a second... two... three...
A deep horn sounds from in the direction straight ahead of you.
Excitement sparks in your chest as you mentally prepare yourself to do what you do best, run.
You don't look back once, but you know Wanda is following. Your ears twitch as you hear her pace quicken behind you, branches and twigs snapping around the two of you as you make for the dock. The trees begin to clear, and you spot the water, a dock spanning so far you can't see the end of it, along the shore. You run towards a wooden boathouse attached to the dock that didn't look too far, hoping you could make it before Wanda emerges from the trees.
You sit low on the ground of the wood surface, and water splashes below you. A small boat floated inside, covered with a tarp, along with random tables and boxes filled with fishing supplies. As you look out the window, you see Wanda at the edge of the woods, her eyes searching the many places you could be. You duck down, not willing to risk being spotted.
***
Late Summer 2017
"I really fucked up, Wanda.." Pietro sighs into the phone.
Wanda shakes her head, watching from afar as you pace the living room.
"Shit, Pietro," she sighs loudly and walks away, around the corner. "I'll book a flight in the morning."
****
Spring 2018
"I'm so happy you're back.." Natasha smiles at her friend, sipping the coffee she held in her hands, the smiling not quite reaching her eyes.
"What's wrong, Nat?" Wanda says, resting her hand on top of Natasha.
"It's my friend, Y/N. I've told you about her," she says, Wanda nods thoughtfully. "She really needs some help, I just don't know what to do.."
Wanda reaches in her pocket and takes a business card out, sliding it across the table. "Give her this. I know a lot of people that could help her, but I also know you really care about her... I could take care of her. She would be brand new by the time we finished our Sessions."
Natasha takes the card wearily. "I don't know if I can just suggest this right now to her.. I'll think about it. Wait a little bit, and see if she gets better on her own." She smiles at Wanda gratefully.
"Of course.. maybe she'll get better," Wanda says, smiling at the thought of her spot in the shadows just outside your house.
****
Current Winter 2018
"Little mouse.." Her voice sounds from outside the window. You move quietly and quickly underneath a table that is in the corner covered by a tarp.
Wanda steps inside, the floor creaking underneath her weight, the door shutting with a snap. You listen to her footsteps as she walks around the small boathouse, rustling around in boxes. Your fingers twitch, absendmidetly tapping your leg 4 times.
Your shadow loomed over you.
It was quick, the pulling of the tarp, the exasperated scream as Wanda grabbed you from the back of your neck, pressing the blade to the front of your throat. She pulls you close to her, knowing you were going nowhere in her strong grip. The knife she held to your neck presses harder, drawing the smallest bit of blood as you attempt to scratch at her arms.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk..." Wanda sighs into your ear, pressing her lips to the sensitive skin just below. "Looks like I've caught you, pretty girl. What now, hm?" She chuckles darkly and continues to kiss your neck.
The ache between your legs grows as she presses her hips into you, feeling the strap beneath her jeans. "I told you if you ran, I would punish you.." Wanda removes one hand, keeping the knife to your throat. You don't have time to wonder before you hear the sound of her unbuckling her belt.
Cool metal is replaced with warm leather as she ties the belt around your neck, pushing you down roughly face first onto the table in front of you. "Wanda.." You whimper out. She tugs on the end of the belt, your whimpering cut short by lack of air. With the sharp blade, she cuts the shirt that clung to your body right down the middle, exposing your back.
"I told you, Y/N. I warned you what would happen when I found you." Her free hand slides down the shorts you wore. You blush, knowing she was about to find out how wet you were for her. Wanda frees the strap from her pants, sliding the tip along your ass. Your hips move back towards her as she teases you, causing Wanda to smirk.
She knew how badly you wanted her. Wanda would show you, over time, how you belonged to her and only her. And that she, belonged to you, only you.
She slides in easily, wasting no time in fucking herself into you. The table moves with every thrust, scratching the wooden dock below. Wanda holds in one strong grip, the belt, the other one holding your hip to meet hers. The knife had dropped to the ground. You both knew it wasn't needed.
"Fuck pretty girl, I'm going to fuck you every chance I get.." She moans loudly, pulling the belt. Your hands grip onto the leather as she pounds into you mercilessly, moaning at the thought of her having her way with you whenever she felt like it. Her powerful thrust sending shocks into your body. A hard smack across your ass makes you yelp. You feel a singing sensation. Another. More stinging. And another. Surely a bruise.
"Tell me, Y/N.." Wanda grunts in between thrusts. You knew what she wanted to hear. You had no problem telling her the truth.
"I need you!" You rasp out, her grip on the belt loosens.
"That's right, baby. I won't let you forget it," she pulls the belt to pull you up, your back flush against her. Wanda kisses your cheek, surprisingly softly. "Fuck you feel so good." Wanda groans, her breathing becoming ragged. She gropes your breasts as the cut shirt slips off of your body, pinching your nipples hard between her fingers.
The pleasure was overstimulating, your body still sore and tired from the night before. You feel your legs tremble under your weight, but Wanda easily holds you up.
"Are you gonna cum, little mouse? Hm?" Wanda groans against your skin, you nod quickly. "You better beg for it then.." She chuckles, making you whine.
"Wanda.." Your word barely comes out, unable to think and physically trapped by the belt. "Baby.." You try, feeling her body tense behind you.
"Please let me cum, please I'm begging you!"
"I need you to let me cum!"
"Baby please!"
"Cum for me, pretty girl.." She finally gives in.
Before you know it, you were coming, your orgasm crashing over your body in sync with the waves crashing below. Wanda continues to fuck you through your orgasm, letting herself enjoy the sight of you falling apart in her arms.
You hear her moan loudly, thrusts slowing as she releases with you. Wanda holds onto you tightly, the grip on her belt gone as you stand breathing heavily, your hearts beating together as you catch your breath. She gives you a minute before sliding out of you carefully and sitting you on the table.
You can barely sit up, freezing, and now even more sore than you already were. You watch with half lidded eyes as Wanda does her pants up, buckling her belt. She takes the knife and puts it behind her before taking off her hoodie. You could see a red shirt on her.
The hoodie is warm and smells like her as she slides it over your head, putting your arms in the holes. She pulls up the shorts and puts the hood over your head, tucking your hair behind your ears. You close your eyes as she lifts you up bridal style, carrying you out of the wooden structure.
You remember resting your head against her neck, thinking you had never felt softer skin before. You remember the warm sun shining through the trees as she carried you through the woods to her house. You remember the sound of hot water running. The feeling of her hands scrubbing your body clean. The sound of a match flicking. The smell of Wanda as warm clothes were put on your body.
Wanda slides in front of you in the bed, holding you tightly in her embrace. You grab onto her. She pulls the blanket over you both. 4 kisses on your head. The feeling of sleep taking over. The thought that nothing was going to be the same.
Your shadow whispering in your ear,
"Sweet dreams, little mouse.."
566 notes · View notes
mickandmusings · 4 months ago
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v. we were happy
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part of the 'hangman & honey' series!
summary: Honey's life lately was much like walking on air-everything was light, breezy, full of happiness and excitement. She relishes in it, enjoying her time in Haven before graduation. But if there's one thing Honey knows, it's this: when good things happen to her, the bad things will come tenfold.
word count: 7.4k (oops)
warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI (just to be safe); smut highly implied, but no graphic descriptions besides heavy kissing (i'm not skilled enough for that); descriptions of a panic attack; angst; honey finally getting the important feminine friendships she deserves; notable military inaccuracies
-
"If you give me the slightest hint of withdrawal and abandonment, I would outdo you." -
-
"Jake is going to flip his lid when he sees you, Hon!"
Haley's voice rings in Honey's left ear, the girl delicately twisting Honey's hair into a simple up-do. Sarah Grace nods in agreement, giggling as she brushes a neutral eyeshadow across Honey's eyelids. Honey smiles and gives her own soft chuckle, feeling incredibly out of place-but simultaneously comfortable-with the new experience of getting all dolled up. Of course she'd gotten herself ready for dances with Jake before, but having girlfriends do your hair and makeup was entirely different, as Honey was learning. Haley and Sarah Grace had doted and debated about looks all morning, until they both agreed and settled on a unified look to match Honey's simple black dress.
"The dress alone is going to make him want to take you right there in his backseat," Sarah Grace commented, her laughter bouncing off the walls of the bathroom in the Seresin's spare house.
"Oh, gross, SG! Give Honey more credit than that, her boy has tact, which is apparently something Ethan lacks if he's taking you in his backseat." Haley shakes her head, the sequins of her hot pink dress rustling as she moves around Honey's stool to get the back of her head. Her own blonde locks are pulled into an intricate style atop her head, the shiny hairpins glimmering in the bathroom's ample lighting.
"I think you're both overconfident in your ability to take me from homely to supermodel."
Honey's voice is quiet, but the girls hear her clearly. They're both chatterboxes, but Honey had learned quickly that they were always listening, no matter how timidly she spoke. Both of the girls cut their eyes at her with appalled expressions.
"Homely? What makes you think you're ugly, Honey? You're easily one of the prettiest girls in our class. Guys are just shallow, well, except for your boy," Sarah Grace's face breaks into a smile. Honey blushes, not sure how to accept a compliment like that. She stays quiet as the girls finish their work, but her friends can only stand the silence for so long.
"So, Honey," Haley begins as she pins back a section of Honey's hair. "How excited are you for UT? I mean you only have a few weeks until graduation, and then summer, but then it's all over and you're packing your life away to Austin."
"I'm not packing my life away, Hals, I'm still coming back for the holidays and the long weekends. It's not like I'm never coming back to Haven. I mean-" She pauses and a blush spreads across her face. "I imagine Jake wants to settle down here, get married, maybe start a family. At least that's what he's always said."
"AW!" Haley's outburst makes Honey laugh too. "You two make me SICK! Jake Seresin and his perfect little family, all the other PTA moms are gonna give you hell, girl."
Honey rolls her eyes, pursing her lips as Sarah Grace moves to paint lipstick across them. Honey's heart feels full, and her skin is warm with adoration for the girls in front of her. For the first time in her entire life, everything felt right, perfect even. But if there was one thing Honey knew well, nothing good that happens to her lasts forever. She swallows the doubt rising in her chest and stands as the two girls finally finish. She looks at herself in the mirror-a satin black dress adorns her frame, accenting all of her best features. The pearl hairpins Haley had placed in her curly hair shined in the lights, and, while uncomfortable, the heels on her feet fit perfectly. Her eyes widened, for the first time maybe ever, she feels beautiful. Tears rise behind her eyes, and she blinks quickly in an effort not to ruin the makeup. The action isn't lost on Sarah Grace who gives her a sympathetic look, tears forming in her own eyes.
"It all feels so fast, doesn't it?" Sarah Grace's voice is softer than normal. "I mean, we only just became friends and after this summer, we'll all be in different corners of the country. You'll be in Austin, Haley will be in Tennessee, and I'll be Alabama. It doesn't seem fair, does it?"
She was right, in a matter of weeks, Honey would start at UT Austin, Haley at University of Tennessee, and Sarah Grace at Auburn.
Honey shakes her head as she lets a few tears slip through. Haley is a blubbering mess next to her, her arms gathering around both Honey and Sarah Grace's shoulders.
"I love you guys," Haley's voice wobbles as she squeezes them tightly. "But hey, it's a good thing we all look damn good in orange, right? Otherwise we'd be fucked. And! We can all visit each other for games, since we already have the right colors, right?"
Honey laughed into her friend's shoulder, that sinking feeling of dread coming up her throat like bile. As Haley pulls away, she wipes the tears that had fallen, a smile on her face that didn't feel forced at all.
The girl's emotional moment is interrupted by a sharp knock to the bathroom door, Willie's voice sounding.
"You ladies ready?"
Haley said something in reply, but it didn't quiet reach Honey's ears. She was reeling in emotion, and it felt as if her ears were filled with cotton. Her heart raced, and she couldn't stop her mouth from speaking.
"H-Haley? SG?"
The two girls turn to their friend, her eyes filling with another round of tears. They both shuffle to her side, their own eyes cloudy.
"I, um, I just wanted to say...thanks. For so long I truly thought I was invisible, and I just-," she pauses, flashes of the past eight months playing behind her eyes: sleepovers and movie dates, sitting together at football games, gossiping over lunch. "-thanks for seeing me, for being my friend. You'll never know how much that, uh," Honey's bottom lip quivers. She doesn't have to finish her statement, because they've already pulled her back into a massive group hug. They all three laugh as they part, and Haley grabs her hand as they shuffle out the door to the front yard.
Immediately, Honey feels Jake's gaze on her. She pretends to ignore it for a moment, not wanting to meet his jade eyes after just crying, he'd be concerned. Instead, she leaves him waiting as she talks to Haley and SG before they both break off to their own respective partners. Finally, she meets Jake's gaze, his normally light eyes now dark, full of a longing she had only seen once before. She swallows and gives him a shy smile, approaching him timidly.
"You clean up nice, Seresin," she jokes, feeling almost nervous under his gaze, but never uncomfortable.
"Me?" He finally speaks, his calloused hands pulling her in by her hips. "Darlin', you're always beautiful, but-," he shakes his head. "This look will be in my dreams for a while."
Honey laughs, Jake's lips pressing a kiss to the top of her head as they shuffle over for at least an hour's worth of pictures for Janet. The last picture before they all head out, the obligatory picture under Janet's magnolia tree, was one of Honey smiling at the camera, but Jake stared down at her instead. For anyone from the outside looking in, he was simply enamored with her, and couldn't turn his eyes away. While that was true, Jake knew it had more to do with him trying to memorize the happiness painted across her face, because after tonight, he would likely never see it again.
-
Music thumps in Jake's ears as he sways Honey in his arms. She's a vision below him, and he finds himself unable to keep his eyes (and his hands) off of her. She gives him a smile that dazzles as he spins and dips her to the upbeat pop song sounding from the speakers. She accidentally steps on his toes as he pulls her back in and apologizes, but he pays it no mind, it's not like he could feel it through his dress boots. She had abandoned her heels hours ago at the table they shared with their friends, his suit jacket following not long after. He grins, lifting her over his shoulder without warning, spinning her before placing her back down on her feet. She yelps in surprise, settling back into his hold, it was a move he'd pulled numerous times.
"This isn't a honky tonk! Why are you pullin' out those line dancing moves?!"
She giggles through her words, cheeks rosy with a slightly breathless blush. The action transports them to the summer of their sophomore year, spending hours upon hours in the farmhouse living room in sock feet, desperately attempting to learn the steps to a line dance Jake had convinced her to learn. Jake smiles back down at her, his hands settling on her hips, falling dangerously lower and lower each time.
"Can't I show off a little? Didn't learn all those moves for nothin'," Jake's response intertwines with his cocky smile and a wink. A plastic crown sits crooked on his head, a sash that adorned him 'Prom King' now over Willie's torso across the room. The upbeat pop song slowly morphs into a country love ballad, and Jake pulls her in close. Honey welcomes his touch, resting her head on his shoulder, one of her hands coming to the hair on the nape of his neck, the other resting on his chest. Her hair that Haley had so delicately curled was falling down around her face, and her lipstick that Sarah Grace had spent an hour and a half debating shades of had mostly been wiped away, notably making Jake's lips a little more pink than normal. She nuzzles her nose into the side of his neck as they sway, and Jake feels tingles travel up his spine. His hands pull her closer-if that was even possible-and planted a kiss on her temple.
"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"
"Only a thousand times," Honey responds, her eyes now glimmering in the light as she looks up at him.
"Make it a thousand and one, you look beautiful tonight, baby."
He lifts a hand from her hip, pushing stray hair back behind her ear. Honey blushes, hiding her face in his neck again. She's quiet for most of the song, but it doesn't strike Jake as odd, quiet is her usual state of being. The song is fading when he hears her voice over the music.
"Does it feel weird? That everything is happening so fast? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad high school is ending, but...this time three months from now, SG and Haley will be hours away, and we'll be packing up our things and headed towards Austin. I swear to God just yesterday we were nine years old riding bikes up and down the road and now..."
Honey cuts off her own sentence. Jake certainly knew how fast the time was flying. The dread he had been swallowing for weeks was creeping back up, and the guilt of not telling her was beginning to weigh him down completely.
"It's flyin' by, for sure."
She closes her eyes and lets him sway her for the rest of the song, before the sweet song shifts to one more fit for fast-paced dancing. It was late into the night, and it was likely the adults would be kicking them out within the next hour. He waited for Honey's body to detach from his own, but when it never did, he looked down at her. Her eyes meet his, a look of desperation crossing her face. He'd know that look anywhere-she was overstimulated, and ready to go. He pulls her away just a few inches, his hands still lingering on her hips.
"Why don't you go tell the girls you're leavin' and we'll get out of here?"
She was tired of the party, the crowds, the loud music, and was relieved when she didn't have to utter a word for Jake to understand her discomfort. She nodded and shuffled to bid her friends farewell, returning back to their shared table to slide her shoes back on. Jake catches her out of the corner of his eye and approaches her, a confused look written across his face.
"What're you doin'?"
Honey looks up, "Puttin' my shoes on?"
"They hurt your feet, just let me carry you to the truck."
"That's sweet, J, but I'm heavy and this dress-"
"I wasn't askin', baby," His eyes are that same dark shade from before, and she simply swallows her retort.
He sticks his arm out for her to take, her heels now dangling from his opposite hand. She wraps her hand around his bicep until they reach the door, where he scoops her up as if she weighs nothing. Her arms instantly intertwine around his neck, a laugh escaping her as she laughs at the absurdity of it all-Jake Seresin, her childhood best friend, carrying her bridal style to his truck.
"Somethin' about this funny?"
She simply shakes her head and looks up at him, her face hot.
"Just, imaginin' what eight-year-old us would think, ya know? Nine-year-old Honey would've never imagined this. Would the younger you ever picture this?"
Jake doesn't even have to think.
"Yeah, yeah he could. I was in love with you the second I saw you, Honey, I just didn't know it yet."
Honey is rendered speechless, a warmth spreading in her torso and filtering to the rest of her body. Her eyes dart between his own as he slides her into the passenger side of his truck, darting down to place her shoes at her feet, slinging his jacket in the backseat. He goes to close the door, but her voice stops him.
"Jake?"
He looks up at her, an expression drawn across her face that he'd never seen before. He notes her chest rapidly rising and falling with short breaths, her eyes blown wide and dark, her body language radiating a sort of familiar heat that Jake had felt earlier in the night, when he had first seen her in the dress she was wearing.
"What is it, baby?" His voice is barely above a whisper.
She says nothing, bringing his face in-between her hands as she kisses him with a fervor he'd never seen coming from her. His own hands meet her hips, sliding her across the seat and closer to him. It's all lust, clashing teeth and heated kisses, his hands resting too far down her back and gripping her thighs, her lips on the plane of his neck.
She pulls away, breathless.
"We should get out of here."
Jake didn't have to be told twice as he raced over to the driver's side, his hand finding her leg as he peeled out of the parking lot. Her lips placed a kiss on the underside of his jaw as his grip tightened on her, and Jake was thanking the heavens above his grandparents had built that spare house nearly a mile and a half out from their own house. Jake was the epitome of a southern gentleman, never pushing or even insinuating the few intimate acts they'd shared so far, but now, with Honey looking like that, with her lips teasingly caressing his neck, most of his control had flown out the window.
Jake made it to the house in record time (by running a few stop signs and speeding) and all but flung himself out of the truck, pressing his lips fervently against her own as he pulled her from the truck, and was prepared to break down the damn door of the house to get her alone. He tossed his own shoes off at the door, pushing open the bedroom door with his foot as he plopped her carefully on the bed. She gave a soft chuckle, and he hovers over her close enough to feel her heart racing. He brings his hand to her cheek, his eyes meeting hers. His own chest heaves with short breaths, his mind muddled as he gazes into her dark irises. He brings his own lips to her neck and trailed down to her collarbone, the hands on her waist falling lower and lower as he moves his lips down her skin. He stops himself, looking down at her as his voice grows low and serious.
"Are you sure about this, baby? We can stop at any point. We can stop this right now, no pres-"
Her shaky hands fall on either side of his face, her fingers combing through his blonde locks.
"Jake," she pauses, using a beat to catch her breath. "I've never been more sure of anything. I have nothing to hide from you, I want you to do this. I-I love you."
Jake's heart hammers.
"I love you too."
His lips connect with her own, his calloused hand pushing the strap of her dress down her shoulder exposing her bare skin to him. As she revels under his touch, his mind only sees her, and he could not fathom thinking of her in any other way than in her state of pure bliss.
-
Hours later, as the moonlight glows on Honey's bare skin, Jake's momentary euphoria is diminishing. He watches her chest rise and fall as she sleeps, his fingers lightly tracing shapes onto her arm. She moves closer to him subconsciously, her face buried into the crook of his neck. He's wide awake, relishing in the contact as long as he can, because this time tomorrow, he'll be stammering and stuttering as he tells her the truth. His mind goes in circles about the acceptance letter hidden in the boot box under his bed. He takes a deep breath and kisses her temple before closing his eyes and willing his mind to shut off, but the storm swirling in his heart keeps him from resting. Jake instead spends his night watching her sleep, seeing her eyes flutter as she dreams, and thanks his lucky stars for the short time he had in her orbit. As the sun's rays begin to shine through the curtains of the bedroom, Jake's eyes finally began to close with sleep, his dreams peaceful.
Honey wakes with to the blinding sunlight hours later. She squints her eyes at the intruding brightness, before adjusting and opening them fully. She looks up to see Jake’s eyes closed with sleep, his blonde locks tossed about haphazardly. Even in sleep his eyebrows furrowed and she frowned, not liking seeing him in discomfort. She kisses the underside of his jaw lightly, and it causes him to stir just slightly. She shuffles just a bit in his hold, her body tired, but her mind wide awake. He shuffles again before his eyes blink open, and his spare hand rubs the sleep from them before looking down at her. He grins.
“Hi,” she speaks sheepishly, her pointer finger drawing shapes against his bare shoulder.
“Mornin’ baby,” He whispers down to her, kissing the crown of her head as he’s waking up. He knows they need to get dressed and shuffle back up to the house soon, or else his grandparents would be nosing around. Them lying naked in bed together was the last thing he wanted them to see.
“Are you okay?”
Her words take him by surprise. He wrinkles his brows, pushing her still slightly curly hair out of her face, before letting it rest around her waist again.
“M’peachy, darlin’. Why? Do I look rough or somethin’?”
She shakes her head.
“You were frownin' in your sleep, thought you were having a bad dream or something.”
Jake sighs, he wished it was only a bad dream. He painted on a smirk.
“I’m fine, promise. Didn’t get much sleep, couldn’t stop staring at the pretty girl in my arms.”
Honey wasn’t quite sure if she believed him, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment by pestering him.
“Such a flirt, Seresin,” she rises up to rest on her elbows, leaning down to leave a chaste kiss on his lips. “We should probably head back up before the old folks start poking around.”
He nods, another signature grin forming on his face.
“I’ll get up and movin’ as soon as you do.”
Honey plops back down against her pillows, the sunlight on her exposed skin now giving her a sunkissed appearance. It made Jake’s insides flame with want again, and he says nothing before kissing her neck again. She’s underneath him again in a split second, the air filled with the chirping of the morning birds and the sounds of pleasure tumbling from both of their lips. After they both reach their highs, she collapses back onto her pillow, his warm hands pulling her back to his front. He nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck, placing a kiss there as he lightly rubs his thumb against the top of her hip. They relish in one another’s presence in the shared bed, stealing kisses and not-so-innocent touches. They’re both too caught up in one another to realize that time was ticking by faster than they could imagine.
As Jake fell asleep next to her, he dreamt of a life years from now, curled into the very bedroom he’d fallen asleep in, a little different in decor, and definitely some thicker curtains, but she’d been bare beneath him, her sweet sounds filling his ears. He’d collapsed next to her, but when he looked down, a gold band adorned his left hand. When sunlight began to peep from around the windows of the imaginary life he created, he noted the sound of children’s laughter in the next room over. When he woke up to find Honey resting under his chin, his dream had almost felt real, more a glimpse into the future rather than a dream.
-
The cloud they live on seems to float into the next few weeks. It was as if they were finally falling victim to all of the typical teenage love things: sneaking around behind his grandparents back, keeping as quiet as possible while they fooled around with one another in shared sheets. They'd sneak out Jake's window and sneak off to an empty pasture in Jake's truck for complete solitude, just the two of them under a starry Texas sky. Honey had never smiled so wide, and her happiness practically radiated off of her. Jake couldn't help but feel her happiness just by being in her presence, her true bubbly nature on full display for him.
But the day before graduation, they're knocked down from their personal cloud nine.
Honey had left the house early for Haley's-a whole day for Honey to enjoy the warm Texas weather before the stress of graduation tomorrow. She'd been so happy before leaving, bumbling around their shared room in a swimsuit that made Jake's head spin. He'd tempted her to stay behind, all puppy dog eyes and grabby hands. She simply ignored him, grabbing her book of the week off of its designated spot on the bedside table, intending to read it while she sat poolside. She left with a beach towel in hand and a kiss on his cheek.
The second the front door shut with her departure, Jake had been a bundle of nerves, completely on edge as he paced back and forth. By the time he finally settled onto the mattress he had likely worn a hole in the carpet of his bedroom. He had finally procrastinated until the literal very last day, and now he had to burst her bubble with something they could've settled already if he'd just told her. He fumbled with the letter in his hand, rereading the paper over and over as if the words would magically change. His full legal name stared back at him in big, black, bold letters, almost taunting him.
'Mr. JACOB T. SERESIN III
1021 SERESIN FARM RD.
HAVEN, TX 77382
Dear Jacob,
I am pleased to invite you to join the United States Naval Academy as a member of the class of...'
Jake stopped, he didn't need to read anymore. He already knew what it said, and it wouldn't change. He'd already sent his acceptance, and, in less than a month he'd be on his way to Maryland for his summer. He slammed the letter onto the empty spot on the bedside table, throwing on his boots and heading towards the barn in an effort to focus his attention on something else. He worked silently, only his grumbles filling the air as his mind spun with the thousand different ways he was going to explain this to the person who he loved most. He had put it off for far too long, and he had to tell her, today. No more making excuses or putting it off, he would do it, no matter how terrified it made him. He took a deep breath and swiped at the sweat forming on his face as he made his way out to the fence line that needed repairing-that'd keep him busy for a while. As he worked, he was so laser-focused he had hardly noticed the sun beginning to set, or the sound of Haley's car rolling down the driveway. He definitely didn't hear the sound of his girlfriend's sweet laughter as she bid her friend farewell and rushed into the house to find him.
She frowned as she looked on the main floor, finding no signs of him, and she shuffled up the stairs as she called after him.
"Jake, are you up here?"
She noted his open bedroom door, and made her way in. Her shoulders fell as his presence was lacking in the empty room. She shook her head and plopped her bag onto his desk chair and moved to sit her (completely unread) novel onto it's spot on the bedside table, only to find the spot already filled. She assumed the paper was for her, maybe a note left by Jake, so she picked it up and began to read it. Her entire body stilled as she noted Jake's full name in a bold font, his address underneath.
'Dear Jacob,
I am pleased to invite you to join the United States Naval Academy...'
Her heart raced, eyes darting as she skimmed over the fluff of the letter, her attention going back when she noticed dates in bold letters.
'Induction Day is June 27th, which is the beginning of your-"
She stopped reading, her chest feeling tight. She sits down on the bed as she rereads the paper in her hand, as if she had misread the words printed so clearly on the page. Her hands were shaking, and her mind was reeling. She simply could not believe this was real, it had to be some mistake in the system. Jake wouldn't be leaving for Maryland come late June, he was coming with her to UT in August. As her chest heaved, she raced down the stairs with the letter held tightly to her torso. She was thankful Janet and Jacob Sr. had been selling at the farmer's market this afternoon, because her emotions had begun to rise to concerning levels, and if Jake didn't explain, things would get explosive.
When she reached the end of the stairs, she caught his work hat out of the corner of her eye.
"Hey, baby, didn't see you come in," His face is painted with a smirk as he leans against the kitchen counter, glass of water in hand. Honey is having none of his flirtations.
"Jake, what is this?" She lifts the letter so the words were facing him.
Jake's smirk falls, his eyes peering into her own, and he swallows thickly. He says nothing, his mouth feeling incredibly dry despite the water he had just downed.
"This is a joke right? O-Or some mix-up in the system? Maybe you should call them, m-maybe there's another Jacob Thomas Seresin in the system and they sent it to the wrong address, or-" She's shaking her head as she looks down at the letter in her shaky hands. "Because this can't be right. I mean...right?"
Jake looks at her, her chest heaving with short breaths, eyes darting between him and the letter in her trembling hold. She bites her lip, waiting for him to speak, to reassure her it was a big mistake, or a mean prank he'd planted for her, just for him to say something.
He longs to look down and see anger behind her eyes, or for her to scream and shout at him, anything to diminish the pleading look that stares up at him.
"Jake? Talk to me, what's going on?"
He had been quiet for too long. He shakes his head at her.
"I-It's not some mix-up, Honey. I'm going to the Naval Academy at the end of June."
Honey's eyes dart back and forth between his own, trying to understand.
"As like a summer program or somethin'?"
Jake shakes his head again, moving slowly to take the letter from her, grasping her trembling hands into his own.
"I'm attending the Academy full-time. I-"
Honey begins to tune out everything he's saying, as if his words had shut off her ability to think. She stares down at her feet, not sure what to say.
"-I-I wanted to tell you soo-"
"How long have you known?"
Her abrupt words cut him off, and he looks at her confused.
"I-"
"Because I've only heard mention of the Naval Academy once. During football season, and only in passing," She pauses, her once bright eyes now heavy with sorrow. "H-Have you been lying to me this whole time?"
She takes two timid steps back from him, ripping her hands from his grasp.
"Honey, baby, no, I-"
"Don't call me that," her voice is quiet, and when he looks up at her again, her eyes are full of tears that had slowly begun to fall down her cheeks. "This induction d-date, it's less than a month from now. Were you ever going to tell me if I didn't find this?"
Her arms are crossed across her chest, her body language fully on defense. There was no shouting or sharp comments that were fueled by anger, as Jake had expected. Instead of lashing out at him, she simply folded in on herself.
"All these months, everything we talked about. Going to college together, movin' in together, marriage, babies...was it some sick joke to you? Because that shit was real to me, Jacob."
The use of his full name comes as a digging surprise, she only ever used it in a joking manner, but now, she was far from joking. Jake doesn't say anything, standing stupidly as the girl he loves falls apart in front of him. His mind is overrun with things he wants to say to her, to shout from the rooftop, but none of it seems worthy enough at this moment. He's hurt her, in a way he couldn't imagine he ever would, and nothing he could say would fix it.
"I-If you wanted to break up with me," she stops, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes as her lips tremble on the cusp of a sob. She takes a deep breath, one that looks painful even through Jake's own teary eyes. "I-If you wanted to break up with me, yo-you should've just told me, because this, this is so much worse."
Jake's heart sinks, that's the last thing he wanted to do.
"Honey, I'm not breakin' up with you. I-I'm doin' this for you," His chest is rising and falling just as rapidly as hers, but he's not quite as good at pulling the reins of his own emotions. "If I went to UT, I'd waste my grandparents' money takin' classes I would half-ass, and probably permanently damage my body playin' football. I'd come back to Haven after wastin' four years, take over the farm, and stay here forever until I die, n-"
"That's a bad thing? I didn't realize my dreams were so lowly compared to yours." Her voice is sharp. Her uneasiness is now festering in insecurity, and, as a result, anger.
"That's not what I'm sayin'," Jake tries to slow his breathing, desperate pleading with her to just listen to him. "When I go and do this Honey, we'll have a better life. You'll get a gorgeous house on a beautiful piece of land, in any city in the country you want. I'll get to do what I truly want to do for the rest of my life. Honey, I know you love Haven, God, I do too, it's my home, but you and I both know we're made for somethin' bigger, baby."
She can't even bear to look at him, putting almost all of her energy in not collapsing into gut-wrenching sobs in the middle of the tile floor. She shakes her head as she lets out a dry laugh.
"You're so hard-headed, Jake. I already have a gorgeous house on a beautiful piece of land, in the only city in the world I'd want to plant roots in. My house could be a cardboard box next to a dumpster in New York City if you were next to me! You think UT was my dream school, that I wanted to plant my life in Austin?! I chose it because I knew you'd be by my side! That was all I ever wanted! But now I'm realizin' just how girlish and naive that sounds, and I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize you dreamt of somethin' different. I-I just wish you would've told me." She wipes the stray tears sliding down her face, the sad, watery smile he expected her to wear paints her face. She looks back down at her hands, picking at the skin around her nails.
"Congratulations," her voice is so small he hardly hears it. "I know you'll do great, you always do. I, um, I'm gonna go home."
Jake's blood freezes. "You are home."
She gives him another faux smile as she shakes her head back and forth.
"This is your home, Jake. My home is at the end of the road. You know where to find me."
"No," he steps in front of her. "I-I know you're angry, and you've got every right to be. But I'm not lettin' you go back there. You take our bed, I'll sleep on the couch. O-Or we can sleep in separate rooms for now. I'm not lettin' you run off because you're scared I'm leavin'. No matter what you think, I still love you, that's never changin'. I'm not dumpin' you off, Honey, that isn't what this is."
He sees it, the light completely draining from her as the conversation continues. The years of breaking her out of her shell, of healing her eternal worry of everyone she loves leaving, it was all wiped within a matter of minutes. He had carved an open wound into the heart he'd sewn back together, and now, she stands in front of him, numb and completely breaking simultaneously.
Her back is facing him, and his hand lands softly on her arm as her torso shudders with an audible sob. She clutches at her chest as her breaths are short and ragged, and Jake knows this action well. She's panicking, her anxious thoughts culminating in physical symptoms. As much as he, too, wanted to collapse into a pile of grief, he moved to help her through her own.
"Hey, hey, you're okay, you're okay," Jake's voice is at a normal level, his hand grabbing her own and bringing it to his chest. "You gotta breathe, darlin'. C'mon."
Her eyes look up at him, and he doesn't even recognize the person staring back at him. It shakes him to his core, but he pushes through until she's breathing calmly next to him, both of their backs against the counter as they sit on the cold kitchen tile. In an action he doesn't quite understand, she moves to rest her head on his shoulder. She doesn't utter a word, but she allows him to hold her close. She falls asleep against him, and he brings her to his own bed, tucking her in before placing a kiss on her forehead. He moves to leave the room, but her voice stops him.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't leave. Stay with me, please. I don't want to lose you before I have to."
He doesn't argue, his heart is too tender to ever deny her request. He slides into the sheets next to her as she tucks her head under his chin, as if nothing had changed. But, for Honey, everything had changed.
She had been a fool, stupid, to think Jake wouldn't dump her after taking what he wanted from her. Her mother's sharp words rang around in her mind:
"That Seresin boy will dump you the second he gets what he wants, girl. Just you watch."
"You? With a boy like him? You must be more stupid than I thought, sweetheart."
"You're going to end up just like me, lied to, cheated on, with a ungrateful, bitch daughter who hates your guts."
Jake rested peacefully, while Honey saw everything she feared most come alive around her. Silent tears ran down her own face, and as she sat there, she knew what she had to do-if Jake was going to abandon her, she'd follow suit.
-
The night of graduation, after diplomas had been given out and caps had been thrown, Honey and Jake's small friend group had all come together on the Seresin's place, gathered around a bonfire in an empty clearing, most of them nursing bottles of alcohol they had smuggled from their parents' supply. Honey watched as Jake laughed with Brett and Willie, darting her eyes down when Ethan brought Sarah Grace into a smothering kiss as she jokingly pushed him off of her. She felt like the Honey she used to be-sitting idly on the sidelines as life happened to everyone else. She carried a heavy sadness and anger in her chest, one she could never put down, not even with the concoction of various liquids in the solo cup she held, occasionally taking sips. The burn felt nice, an easy distraction from the gnawing of anger in her chest. She smiled as Willie pulled her from her chair and made her dance to a stupid country song, feeling a little lighter as she let loose. One look at Jake had her shut down again, recluse in her green lawn chair. As the night carried on, she looked out at her friend group one last time, memorizing the warm feeling, because it was the last time they would be her friends. Come morning, she'd be long gone from Haven, and, since they were Jake's friends first, she'd lose them.
After the festivities of the night were over and their guests had stumbled back to their own homes, Jake and Honey made their way back inside, carrying out their routine as if it was any other night. Despite the unresolved feelings she carried, Honey refused to let Jake carry them too. She remained neutral, still sleeping in his arms every night, still tagging along at events, as far as he knew, they had three days until he left for the Academy, and he had planned to spend every waking moment with her. He had no idea of the plans that Honey had, the ones that would unexpectedly change his life forever.
The Seresin farm house was eerily quiet. Everyone was asleep as the moonlight seeped in through the thin curtains. At least, mostly everyone.
Under the guise of the darkness, Honey slips out of Jake's arms slowly, moving so carefully as to not wake him up. If he woke up and caught her, she'd never go through with her plan, she'd be sucked back into bed with his encapsulating emerald eyes and his desperate pleas for her to stay. She shuffles across the hall to her own bedroom, sliding the duffel bag she'd packed out from under her bed, sliding on her trusty Converse high tops, and shutting the door behind her. As she shuffles down the stairs with Jake's car keys in her hands, her racing mind thinks of the conversation they'd had just four days prior. She'd been sleeping in his grasp as he whispered down to her.
"My truck," he started, his hands intertwining in her hair. "I want you to take it, to UT. I won't be here to use it, and it'll make me feel better knowing you'll have a way to get back and forth."
She'd protested and fought him on it, but now, as she snuck out of the creaky front door, she was glad he'd done it. She slung her bag into the back seat, sliding into the driver's side, and slamming the door closed. Her chest heaves with anxious breaths, tears already clouding her eyes. She shoves them down and adjusts the seat that had been set for Jake's lanky legs, and turns the key. The local country station comes on, and Honey ignores it, turning her body to look out the back glass and backs the truck out of the yard and down the dusty driveway, ready for the long drive ahead of her. She was leaving Jake in a way that only felt right-he wasn't going to take that from her, she wouldn't be the one abandoned this time-he would.
Jake had woken as he heard her footsteps descend down the stairs. It wasn't unusual, Honey had been up at all hours of the night since the day of their disagreement. He shut his eyes closed again, leaving his arms open for her to slide back into. When the sound of his truck starting fills his ears, he pops his eyes open, not bothering to even throw on a shirt as he takes the stairs two at a time, running through his house and out the front door in only his boxers. He only gets a glimpse of the taillights down the driveway as his bare feet hit the grass of the yard. He's stomping back through the house, not caring much if he wakes anyone. He's lifting the house phone with a quick pace, dialing her cellphone number even quicker. As he expected, no answer. His hands shake, his heart hammers, and he runs back up the stairs to at least toss on a shirt and some shoes, his looks be damned. He was going to grab the keys to his grandfather's truck and take after her, she couldn't have made it further than down the road by now.
When he slams open his door, he notices the letter on his nightstand, because it's out of place. Normally, Honey's book or multiple books rest there, ready for her to pick up whenever. Instead it's a flat, white sheet of paper, and he glares at it as if he could make it catch flames. He snatches it up and opens it, expecting to find Honey's delicate cursive etched onto it in ink. Instead he finds typed letters, Honey's legal first and last name in big, bold letters at the top of the page. She had likely denoted her preferred name, because it was used in the greeting.
"Dear Honey,
Congratulations on your admission to Mississippi State University! For over 100 years, MSU..."
Jake stops reading, his unease turning into flaming hot anger. He slams the letter back onto the nightstand as tears form in his eyes, his chest growing tight with the bout of sobs threatening to fall from his lips. He sits down on his mattress, his head in his hands as he lets his silent tears fall onto the carpet below. How had he not noticed it? Had there been signs? There had been no sudden withdrawal of her affections, no serious changes in her mood. As Jake calms the best he can at the moment, he realizes she didn't mean this in malice, just like he didn't have any malice behind shipping off to the Academy. He loved her, and, at least he hoped, she still loved him. They had been sewn at the hip since they were nine years old, perhaps it was due time they went their separate ways. No matter how much he told himself that this was for the better, he felt alone, empty. At this moment, despite knowing and loving her for over a decade, Jake, for the first time in his life, finally knew exactly how Honey always felt: abandoned.
-
taglist:
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always-andromeda · 5 months ago
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𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ⟡ Javi Gutierrez x F!Reader
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⟡ 2,685
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ⟡ A lull in your relationship with Javi leads to some revelations about both of your interests.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ⟡ so this was a new one for me. this piece is part of @iamasaddie's kinky writing challenge for May and my pairing was Javi G with impact play. I am happy to report that I enjoyed researching this more than I thought I would? I found some really interesting kink blogs that kind of walked me through safe practices and it started to paint the picture in my mind that would become this fanfic. big disclaimer: I've never practiced impact play in real life. my depiction of it comes primarily from the research I've done and what I know of my own personal preferences and I've tried my best to depict a healthy dynamic. so if I'm getting something wrong or I'm depicting anything in an unhealthy way, feel free to let me know!! divider credits go to @saradika-graphics!!
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ⟡ smut (minors, do not interact), impact play, oral (female receiving), aftercare, pet names (hermosa, baby), reader is given no physical description aside from being able bodied, allusions to past negative experiences with sex (nothing specific is described), a little bit of soft!dom/switch Javi, please let me know if any more are needed!
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It’s not that you weren’t satisfied with Javi. The sex had almost always been fine. Hell, most times it was fantastic; better than anything you’d had before. There certainly wasn’t any love lost between you and him. You’d always adore him and the beautiful life you’d built with him by the sea in Mallorca. 
At first you thought it might have been the passing of time that spurred this particular…yearning. After all, don’t most couples go through these patches after a few years? But it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t a fleeting desire. Days passed and you kept going back to the same blog: Impact Play For Beginners.
The first time you’d stumbled across it, you hadn’t paid it much mind. You were looking for ways to spice things up with Javi. But it didn’t seem like him. As your eyes flitted over images of paddles, whips, and canes, all you could think of was how uncomfortable he’d most likely be. The idea of that turned you off, of course.
But you didn’t stay off for very long at all.
Perhaps it was the fact that he felt so safe that made the idea so enticing to begin with. You’d never been with anyone who approached sex as healthily as Javi did. He’d always been fervent with his desires. At the same time, he’d never made you feel like you had to do anything. There was always foreplay, regular check-ins, aftercare, and the ability to say no to whatever, whenever.
It was refreshing. Relieving. And that’s what made it so rough, thinking about possibly bringing something new into the equation. But, Javi had always been big on communication. You trusted that the same principles would apply here. So that’s why you brought it up.
Javi had been open but hesitant about it. At face value, this kink really wasn’t his style. He favored a softer approach. He couldn’t imagine laying a hand on you and causing any sort of harm. But in all honesty…the idea excited you.
The more you looked into it, the more you began to draw some hard lines in the sands of your mind. First and foremost, no toys. As exciting as a crop looked, you weren’t sure if you were prepared for that. At least not yet. For now, you were sticking with the advice of various kink blogs you’d scrolled through and starting off with hands only. Not only were those the instruments that piqued your interest in the first place, they also put you the most at ease. It felt poetic somehow; his usually gentle hands delivering both pleasure and pain this time.
Another aspect you started to delve into were on and off limit body parts. That was the moment Javi set a boundary of his own. “Nothing with your face. I’m not touching your gorgeous face, hermosa,” he’d said with the softest puppy dog eyes. And you didn’t argue. You weren’t feeling comfortable with that either. 
No, you’d start out in the safest zones possible, the places that would be least likely to get injured: your ass and thighs. 
Then came the scheduling. You both agreed on a weekend night just so there was an adequate amount of time for recovery before either of you had to worry about work.
You stand in front of the vanity mirror in your bedroom. Part of you feels like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff as you stare at the lingerie clad figure being reflected back at you. With the night that’s ahead of you, you figured it’d be safest to wear something you’re familiar with sans the bottoms for easier access. It’s a simple chemise that’s comfortable enough, yet it hugs your body in a way that you know both you and Javi enjoy. You try to focus on that thought as you think.
The most reassuring part is that you aren’t afraid. As much as you’d wanted this, you’d also wondered if you would be. Instead you’re all raw nerves. And the electricity thrumming from them only calms when Javi appears in the mirror behind you.
You watch his dark eyes trace over your body in the mirror. It’s a sight he’s seen probably hundreds of times at this point, yet he still looks like it’s the first time he’s laid eyes on you.
“You are so beautiful, hermosa,” Javi breathes out in genuine awe. “Gorgeous.”
Your cheeks warm at the dose of flattery.
Javi’s hands start at your shoulders and you relax into them. The heels of his palms knead the muscles that seem to be perpetually knotted up. You close your eyes and picture that taut tissue slowly and carefully unwinding itself. A small sigh escapes you. It sows hope within you knowing that he’s willing to step out of his comfort zone for this. But it also brings you comfort; he’ll always take care of you just like this. 
“Are we doing okay, so far?” Javi mumbles.
You stifle a small laugh and the urge to say, “We’ve barely started anything.”
Because you know this is new for him. You try to remember that you’re new at this too. Don’t go too far, too fast. Pace yourself, you say internally.
“We’re alright,” you finally assure him.
���Promise me you’ll use your safe word if you need to.”
You meet his gaze in the mirror. He eyes you with furrowed brows and his lips in a thin line. His hands still work at your shoulders; work you into the most soothing rhythm that makes you want to fall asleep. But the fire that fills your bones makes you feel more alive than ever.
You nod and then turn to face him. “I will. I promise.”
Your hands find his cheeks and cup them. In that moment you’re holding your entire world. And you’re trusting him to fulfill some of your most vulnerable fantasies.
Your lips meet his and it all starts to fall together. He’s warm and tastes vaguely of citrus. His hands land on the globes of your ass and he gives them a good squeeze. A moan slowly rises in his throat. If there was one thing you knew Javi was looking forward to, it was paying more attention to that part of you. Besides, there was no way you could miss the way he looked at the pictures on one of the kink blogs you’d scrolled through together. Shots of a woman’s back. Bright red marks in the shape of a hand on her ass. 
His eyes had been so wide, simply staring at them as you read through tips for beginners.
“You wouldn’t want marks like that…would you?” he’d asked then. 
The note of hopefulness in his voice was palpable. He’d never been good at concealing his emotions, especially around you.
“I don’t know…maybe,” you’d replied coyly before admitting, “I kind of like the idea of it. Of having that reminder of you.” As if everything else wasn’t enough. As if you needed to see the evidence of his love represented by blemishes on your skin. That was the thing about Javi though, his whole being was so infectious. You needed him to inhabit every part of your life. You needed to see his handprints on you like you needed to breathe.
Anticipation sends a shiver up your spine as you lay on your stomach along the foot of the bed you share with him. Propped up on your elbows, you arched your back in order to better present your ass to him.
He takes a moment to lean over your form. You already feel a bit of a bulge poke the back of your thighs. At least he’s starting to enjoy himself, you grin.
“Are you ready to begin?” Javi asks. You hum absently only to be met with a brief pause before he adds, “Words, hermosa. Words.”
“Yes, sir,” you say, voice raised louder this time. You don’t see his expression, but you can imagine the way it stutters based on the silence that follows.
Javi thankfully doesn’t leave you with too much time to second guess yourself before you hear his chuckle, “Very good job. I’m already so proud of you.”
He stands again and continues gentle ministrations on your upper thighs. Once again you feel as though you could simply fall asleep. And there’s something secure in feeling like you could. You’re safe. 
A pleasant flush builds on the surface of your skin. You can feel the blood coursing through your veins as Javi warns, “I’m going to give you the first strike. Then we’ll go from there, alright?”
“Alright. I’m ready,” you affirm. And you mean it.
A few seconds later, you feel a light slap on your ass. It’s almost playful. And it doesn’t satisfy the craving within. You start to squirm, hoping to suppress some of the restlessness brewing in your chest.
“Easy, hermosa. Good girls stay patient,” Javi says. You’re not quite used to hearing such language come from him. But it’s perfectly in line with his desire to care for you. It’s how you feel confident that you’re both on the same page. He doesn’t want you overwhelming yourself either. So despite the soft start, you don’t feel any disappointment.
You do what you’re told and stay patient. 
The slaps don’t startle you until one leaves a particular sting that awakens a heartbeat in your core. For the moment it lives, it means everything to you. The initial jolt, along with that expectant throb, subsides a little too quickly for your liking. You fist the silk sheets beneath you just to find purchase in something.
“Keep going like that,” you whisper breathlessly, wanting to chase that feeling to the ends of the Earth.
And Javi lets you. He slaps your ass once, twice, three more times and each one builds the heat that crackles along your flesh like thunderclaps. On the fourth slap you finally gasp a small, “Fuck.” You feel yourself clench around nothing. But Javi still groans as if he was inside you. 
“You like this, hm?” he growls.
“So fucking much,” you whimper.
Smack.
The impact is hard enough that it makes you jump. More importantly, you feel that throb once more. Your belly fills with butterflies as you start to realize that it’s fucking working for you. 
You try to imagine what you must look like from his point of view. Ass up, head bowed, gasping between blows. You bet that based on your position, from where he stands, he’s probably getting a peek at your cunt too. And if it looks anything like it feels, you’ve got to be glistening. You’ve got to have the most inviting look about you. And the fact that that vulnerability still doesn’t scare you…your head feels lost in the clouds.
You feel Javi’s fingers drag over the curve of your ass before they stop just short of your cunt. He says suddenly, “Fuck, I need you. I need to taste you. Please?” he begs. 
All you can manage is a whine along with a swift nod before rolling around on your back. Just as quickly, Javi is on his knees, dragging you down the bed by your ankles until he’s almost face to face with your cunt. You can feel just how swollen your lips are. And as he begins to lap at your slick, you know that you haven’t gotten this wet in a while. It fulfills something inside you that you hadn’t expected.
Your thighs and your ass burn, but it only adds to the pleasure gradually filling your belly. The pain and pleasure come together in a gorgeous harmony that has your hips rocking along against Javi’s mouth. His warm tongue fucks you as your clit rubs against his nose. It’s a classic position that’s only heightened with the knowledge that when you wake up in the morning, his handprints are going to be on your ass.
You’re shamelessly rutting against him now. Fingers knitted through his hair, you ride out the mounting pressure like you’ll die if you don’t. And Javi – being the pleaser he is – enjoys it. Between breaths, he groans, sending vibrations through you that seem to rattle your bones.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you whine.
“Mhm,” Javi hums desperately. “Go ahead, you can get there, hermosa. Just use me, please.”
Tears start to slip down the sides of your temples. Flashes of all the men you’ve been with before fill your head. You think of all the times you weren’t in control. All the times you felt you didn’t have a say in what was going to happen to your own body. And those memories only remind you that none of that is true anymore. Right here and right now, you’re with Javi. And he’s indulged in something you would’ve been too afraid to express to anyone else. All he wants is to please you. And that only makes your tears flow faster.
You’re going to combust. Javi Gutierrez is going to make you fucking explode and you don’t even care. You’ve gotten yours. As long as he too gets to feel the impact of his kindness, you’re satisfied.
Just like that, the bomb goes off and you’re on fire as pleasure rips through you. You’re in pieces. Legs wrapped around Javi’s upper half, heels digging into the muscles of his back, and hands keeping him held in place; keeping what’s left of you together in a shaky embrace.
It takes a few seconds for the shock to melt away. Somehow you catch your breath and finally remove your hands from Javi’s curls to wipe away your tears. If you weren’t tired before, you’re exhausted now. More than the physical satisfaction, you couldn’t have foreseen the emotional release. 
Your ass and your thighs don’t quite hurt anymore. It’s more of a soft ache; a rolling wave you ride on until it passes, leaving your head floating in a placid ocean of bliss. This naturally comes with some swirls of catharsis and sentimentality. They both buzz in your mind and you're only distantly aware of it when Javi gets up to wet a washcloth.
When he returns, he cleans you up the way he always does. Asking if he’s alright to touch you in various places and letting you know before he does so you’re not startled. You pay just enough attention to hum in agreement as he carefully parts your thighs to wipe up the remnants of slick and spit. 
Javi finishes the job a minute or two later, leaving once more to add the washcloth to the laundry basket in your closet. Then you feel the mattress dip as Javi lays beside you, looking spent without even taking off a shred of his own clothing.
You return to your own mind for a moment. Enough to turn, lay on your side, and send him a worried look. “Oh, I’m so sorry, baby. Do you need me to take care of you?”
Javi laughs lightly, “No. It’s alright, hermosa. You don’t need to take care of anything for me.”
“Are you sure?”
A soft smile forms on his face. “You’re happy, right?”
You nod.
“Good. I’m happy too. We don’t need anything else.”
Javi tenderly places a hand on your lower back and pulls you a little closer towards his chest, his grin growing. “Besides, I can’t wait to see those marks in the morning.”
His expression is so contagious you can’t help but return it before placing a kiss on his nose. “Me neither,” you whisper. Within a few days those marks he most certainly left would start to take on a purple hue before fading into a yellowish undertone. The prospect of seeing that progression fills your stomach with butterflies once more. Surely you both prepared enough that they wouldn’t take long to heal. But that doesn’t bring you down in the slightest. Because as long as Javi is willing to, when those marks do go away, you and him get to make them all over again.
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Thank you so much for reading!! If you enjoyed, please consider reblogging; it's massively appreciated!!
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lilystyles · 11 months ago
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gingerbread at midnight.
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part one of the sweetest thing series by @lilystyles
the sweetest thing masterlist & my main masterlist xxx
authors note did somebody say christmas fic szn??? if there is two things people know about me it is that i love christmas and i love harry styles. so here u go!
brief description during a chilly evening at the bakery, harry learns how to make gingerbread.
warnings! fluffy christmas baking including niall :) (4.3k words)
grumpy!roommate!journalist!H x sunshine!baker!roommate!reader
* * * * *
It was a snowy December evening and Harry finished work early for a change. Being a busy journalist who worked for one of the biggest media companies in the world, he never finished before the sun went down. Even before he’d been promoted to his high position now, and he was just some young fresh-faced Uni graduate assistant who rarely saw the light of day. Waking up early and finishing late. He was always running off much less sleep than your average person, and even when he was at home he was busily typing away on his laptop. But despite his strenuous hours and stressful workload, he loved his job a lot, and openly admitted he was a workaholic.
This was why he needed a roommate. He worried for his sweet girl while he was away during the evenings. 
At first, he couldn’t think of anything worse, he’d had roommates in Uni who literally made him want to pull his (gorgeous) hair out and swore to himself he’d never do anything like that again if he could avoid it. It wasn’t that his job didn’t pay well, in fact, he was very wealthy and he could’ve gotten a sitter for the days but it just didn’t seem practical to have a sitter every day for the rest of his life. And no, his sweet girl was not a partner to crawl into bed with during the evenings, or a child who needed his attention throughout the day. 
His sweet girl was his spotted Dalmatian named Peaches, who got lonely during the long nights he’d stay at the office. 
Y/n had been the perfect candidate for a roommate. Who he had met through a mutual friend Niall, they went to school together apparently and Niall worked with her now. He vouched that she was easy to live with. There had been a period of time when he had nowhere to go and Y/n let him live rent-free in her flat for a month until he could afford to get back on his feet. She was stupidly kind and generous, sometimes to a fault, but if you had the privilege of her friendship you were so lucky. When Niall explained to Harry what a good person she was Harry believed him. Niall had this great ability to see people’s true intentions, and when he looked at Y/n he saw a beacon of light coloured like spun gold.
Y/n worked for most of the week too, sometimes on weekends if they needed extra hands or she felt like going in, but her hours were flexible despite being a baker, which was unusual for her occupation. But she had a good group of workers who all loved their jobs even if it wasn’t exactly high-paying to work for her, which meant Y/n’s day-to-day life was pretty breezy. And during Harry’s hunt for roommates when Niall mentioned that this friend looking for an apartment with roommates happened to be a girl he was happy, because girls were usually clean and smelt good. Y/n very much smelt good and left a warm touch to the once cold large apartment. Quickly after she started living there, suddenly vases of flowers appeared everywhere, paintings were strung up on his grey walls, hand-knitted rugs found their way onto the couch, food was baking in his oven and Y/n’s contagious warmth filled every room. Harry had grown up with just his mum and sister and there was something he liked about having a feminine touch that made it feel homely. He liked how soft, caring, and gentle they were. Y/n was so sweet, whenever he had a bad day she made a tea and let him complain for however long he needed. And she and Peaches got on great, Y/n took her for long walks in the park near their flat and sometimes she even took Peaches into her work and the gorgeous pup would just sit in the front greeting customers.
The tires of Harry’s car rolled against the snow as he steadily drove through the busy middle of the city to the familiar route of Y/n’s bakery. She’d ran it for a couple of years now, having bought it fresh out of culinary school. It used to be a bookshop that was owned by a lady called Miss Green, now it was called ‘Sweets & Things’ and very successful with all the locals. Before they’d became roommates and he’d even known of her existence Harry remembers eating a particularly delicious danish pastry with blueberries in it, funny that a few years later his roommate made him fresh ones when he’d had a particularly rough day at work. 
During the Christmas season the little bakery picked up a lot more. Y/n found herself catering for lots more events starting from October and she didn’t know why but people seemed to need more sweets around this time of year. Halloween needed lots of cookies and sweets, but something about Christmas drove her sales right up. Maybe it was what got them through the bleak winter weather. And since Harry knew she’d been a bit stressed by it all lately, not that she would ever complain that wasn’t her way because she loved her job and was grateful to live out her dreams, he thought it might be nice to drop her some dinner since she’d been neglecting proper meals during the work week.
He picked up some takeaway from this little mexican place near his office, Niall had raved about it a few times now, he got an array of food from the menu and asked what they thought was best. Now he had three big bags of spicy smelling goodness heating up his backseats. He knew that Niall and Y/n would be eternally grateful and Harry wouldn’t mind eating with their company tonight. He forgot not everyone ate takeaway at their desk in the pitch black like he did.
His car pulled up out the front of Sweets & Things and he saw the golden bright lights were still on in the front area of the bakery, but no one was behind the counter manning for costumers. Snow littered the grass and concrete out the front, all the benches people sat at were caked in a thick layer of white and Harry shivered at the sight of outside. His office heaters were broken so he was actually always sweating, no matter the season. 
He parked his car lethargically and the sound of Fleetwood Mac cut off with the engine. He knew that the bakery stayed open until nine during the holiday season since Y/n had been working much later than normal and he’d asked about it, Harry checked his watch, and there was a little bit until they would shut down but it didn’t seem all that busy. And his friends deserved to eat after all.
He locked the car and walked along the path shivering and hugging the food to his body in attempt to warm himself up. He wiped his dress shoes against the welcome mat as he pushed the door with his broad shoulder, his dress shoes clicking on the tiles as he entered the bell above the door rang and he heard Y/n’s soft sweet laugh from behind the counter and footsteps. A warmth wrapped around his body and the smell of sweet baking and pastries filled his nose. 
The shelves with glass casing showed to be practically empty of sweets. This made him smile. Y/n always felt particulary chirpy when people liked her new creations of the week.
He felt his face start to warm up now and he sighed to himself.
“Hello! Welcome to Sweet & Things, what can I get y—” Y/n’s voice began in her usual script to customers stopping when she saw him, “Oh, Harry! What are you doing here?!” 
She rushed around the counter to come give him a cuddle in greeting. That was something about Y/n that took him a while to get used to, she was very physically affectionate. He opened his arms for her and held her happily. 
She looked cute as ever. Dressed in an apron that was covered in all sorts of powder and a little pink blouse that hugged her figure, paired with her favourite well-loved Levi’s, her shoes were these dark pink boots that made little clicks on the tiles. She looked beautiful, despite the fact she was running off less sleep than usual, she’d been here since the early morning and was probably very tired by now. Her hair was up in a messy bun that she’d thrown back with a pen and her face was bare of much makeup today. She was just in some lip balm that he could smell was strawberry-scented.
She pulled back from his warm arms and smiled up at him as if she hadn’t seen him weeks when in reality he’d driven her to work that morning. They carpooled and in the evening she’d either walk or catch the bus but usually Niall offered her a lift home.
“I just thought I’d bring you and Niel dinner, it’s from that Flaming Green Jose’s place he was talking about.” He said showing the bags of food. 
Y/n smiled this really big grin that Harry loved to make appear on her precious face. 
Y/n knew Harry was a bit of a grumpy old bastard sometimes, he tended to complain and not like new ideas, but he really was the sweetest thing underneath his stern face and scary resting stare. He was a sweetheart underneath it all. Even though he was so intimidating and tall Y/n always thought he was quite delicate looking. He looked pretty even under the harsh light of the front room, he was in one of his usual business outfits he wore to the office that made him look especially good. Today’s suit was all black and he had a big beige-brown coat over the top to keep him warm in the cold and this deep dark crimson scarf that Y/n had bought him when she noticed he had no scarfs, he said how much he liked her purple one day it was so soft he said and she decided then he needed one too. His long curls of brown hair were dusted in snow and messier now that it was the end of the day. She was sure it was from running his hands through it, he did that a lot when he was concentrating or thinking.
She rushed forward hugged him again with a big squeeze and kissed his cheek in thanks, he smelt so addicting and her head was the perfect height to smell his clothes that smelt like he always did. Like tobacco, vanilla, and his citrusy and woodsy shampoo. 
“Well aren’t you just a doll?” She said with a smile.
Harry couldn’t help but smile back at her looking down at her as a dimple formed in his normally stoic face. She pulled away from him hand still holding his bicep as she examined all the bags in his hands. Even though he dressed very formal always, he still had his touch on things, like his rings. Harry always wore dozens of amazing large rings, and nail polish too. Y/n had conviced him a few evenings ago to choose this nice lavender colour rather than his normal black. He said he would only if she would match him. So her nails were littered in that same colour and she was reminded of him whenever she looked at the chipping colour while she was kneading dough. And underneath those long shirts and pants were so many inked pieces of skin, that suited him more than you’d think. 
Y/n loved when, usually on Sundays which were his day off, he was sat at home in just some pyjamas that showed all the ink and she could ask him the stories behind each while they did laundry. She liked him in suits of course, there was something very attractive about it, but she liked him all cosy and casual too. He barely ever dressed that way, only at home. She felt lucky to see him that way.
She snapped herself out of her daydreams about his gorgeous hands and that cross tattoo she loved when her tummy rumbled hungrily at the smell of the delicious dinner.
“Niall! Harry brought us dinner!” She called out and Niall stepped out of the kitchen. He looked similar to Y/n, dressed casual too, because she didn’t think uniforms suited her place. The shorter man was in a pair of his own baggy jeans and this brown knitted jumper and a pair of ratty old sneakers. His bleach blonde hair was in messy spikes and he had a pair of glasses on today instead of contacts.
“Haz, is that Flaming Green Jose’s?” Niall asked instantly without even greeting him properly as he walked over to sniff and grab at the bags.
Harry nodded lifting the bags in show, the green plastic was printed in the familiar taco on fire logo that proved it was in fact Flaming Green Jose’s.
Niall practically drooled and looked up at him eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas. 
“I could kiss you, mate!” He said, his Irish accent dancing off his tongue.
Harry grimanced at him and handed over the bags. “Please don’t. Just take the tacos.”
Y/n giggled by his side squeezing his arm in her usual way when he said something that made her laugh. 
Niall and Harry quickly began to set up the containers of different Mexican dishes while Y/n grabbed some cutlery, cups, and cold water for them all to enjoy their late dinner. The bakery had a few tables for people to sit and enjoy snacks at, and only for one portion of the day did they serve hot drinks, Niall was also a trained barista, which was perfect because she thought coffee suited a lot of her sweets. 
The three of them set up their food in one of the booths that was a cherry red leather colour. The snow was falling heavily outside now against the windows and it had started to quiet down out there. Not as many shoppers or people finishing work were wandering around outside as usual. The storm was keeping people, hopefully, rugged up and warm inside.
Y/n dreamily looked outside as she turned the big overhead lights off and switched on just the fairy lights she had strung up for Christmas spirit. They were a nice soft golden orange glow for them to eat. 
The three friends enjoyed their dinner quietly as the radio hummed some old jazz Christmas songs, they were all huddled together really close and Y/n leaned into Harry sleepily which he didn’t mind at all. The bakery was warm but Y/n felt chilly now that she was sweating away in the kitchen. Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulder to help warm her as they lazily chewed down their food. Even though he’d stripped himself of his massive coat and scarf he was still rather warm. 
Niall was right it was quite good food and a family-run business which was always nice to support. Y/n knew how it hard was to be a little business in the busy city of London.
The three chatted about nothing particularly worth noting, just talking about normal Harry, Y/n, and Niall things and enjoying the food. Harry was very hungry so he’d barely spoken a word just chewing lazily beside Y/n. When all the food was gone and they all felt sufficiently full Y/n kissed Harry’s cheek once more. 
“Thanks again for dinner, H.” She said softly eyes drooping, now that’d she been fed she was getting a bit sleepy.
He smiled, a big one for Harry, he was almost showing teeth. 
“I know how hard y’guys have been workin’, just wanted to help in some way.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. And it wasn’t too much of a big deal but the fact he’d thought of them when he’d gotten the night off was sweet, he was so busy and he chose to spend some free time helping friends. That hardly matched his scary persona.
This made Y/n’s heart swell and she spoke softly. “Thanks, Haz.”
“Yeah mate, you’re the best.” Chimed Niall wiping his face with a napkin. Niall had devoured his food contently. 
Their little dinner together was interrupted by the door swinging open, the bell ringing, and a couple of two walked in. 
Y/n stood up, moving from the warmth of Harry. 
“Hi! How can I help you?” She said plastering a smile on her face, walking over and tying the back of her apron back on.
The couple ordered a few Christmas cookies decorated like pieces of art and some cream horns that Y/n had made that morning. Y/n handed them their bags took their change and waved goodbye. 
“Have a good night!” She chirped to them.
They smiled and waved. “You too, Y/n!”
Y/n came back over and sat down again, looking over to Niall tucking her knees up to her chest. “Is it gingerbread time then, Ni?”
Niall nodded throwing his head back with a sigh. 
Gingerbread could be quite tedious. Especially the way Y/n decorated them. She really made them all individual pieces of art just for people to eat them. Which was beautiful, but also very time consuming.
Harry looked over, “I thought gingerbread was quite easy, Y/n makes it so quickly.”
Niall scoffed. “That’s because Y/n’s a machine. But even she can’t do this many cookies alone.”
Harry looked over at the tired pair of bakers and down at his hands. He tried to think of the last time he’d made gingerbread. Must have been with his sister Gemma when they were kids visiting their grandparents. But he thought if he could get an interview with James Hadden (a man who notoriously never answered questions to the media) then he could bake some cookies. How hard could it be? 
“Let me help then. Many hands make light work.”
Y/n blinked. “You hate Christmas,” she stated.
He looked over at her. “But I like your Christmas cookies.”
Y/n decided not to fight him on it. “Alright. Niall find him an apron I’ll start setting up.”
Y/n began getting out all the ingredients they’d be needing this way they could each make a batch to save time. She grabbed flour pouring enough into three bowls for each batch, some unsalted butter, brown sugar from the cupboard, some eggs from the fridge, baking soda, milk, and all the spices. As she looked at the array of ingredients laid out on the steel bench she noticed she was missing the most with most important ingredient; golden syrup.
She walked to the stock cupboard and saw the big bottle of golden syrup sitting on the tallest shelf. Adam, a really tall baker, had been working earlier he must’ve put it there. Y/n tried to reach on her tiptoes though it was no use, her fingernails only just grazed it.
When a hand came out from behind her gripping the big can it startled her and she turned to see Harry standing behind her.
“Oh, you scared me,” She giggled.
“Sorry, Love.”
She followed him back out to the kitchen. He placed the big can down on the bench and she took in his form. His long shoulder-length hair was pulled back in a bun now, and he’d taken off his suit jacket and tie, his black shirt was rolled up to his elbows and the buttons on his collar were undone. He had an apron on now too, one of Y/n’s collection, it was pink and frilly with flowers.
Y/n softly explained to Harry the process of making the batter and he was intently listening to her every word watching her through his lashes. Soon enough the dough was perfect and all three of them rolled out the dough the perfect width which meant Harry had to re-roll it. Once Y/n gave a thumbs up of approval they began using the cookie cutter shapes and cutting the cookies out. 
Harry had the make hearts and stars, Niall made gingerbread men and women, and Y/n made circles and snowflakes. 
Eventually, they put in their first batch, a little after 10. They kept re-rolling the dough and cutting as many as they could until the batches vanished. Harry was very good and gentle with his technique, and some were wonky but Y/n loved that he was helping and it took her years to perfect her cookies so he was doing very well for his first time. She selfishly wanted to keep his batch for them to go home and eat but she didn’t. 
By 11 all the batches were cooked or still cooking. Niall was on oven duty and Y/n was teaching Harry how to decorate. 
The ginger people were decorated all classic. White iced smiley faces and an outline around their body, little chocolate buttons for the outfits and a pinch of icing sugar to look like snow. Harry tried his best to do them and Y/n loved their imperfections it was like real people; all individual.
The others needed to be painted in colourful swirls of festive landscapes and honestly, they looked like individual paintings. Harry was amazed at her steady hand and ability to decorate such creative and individual designs for each cookie.
“Y’like tha’ bloody Andy Wharol of cookies, Y/n.” He said.
And she giggled her concentrated face cracking to a smile. She looked over at him. “It’s just practice.”
“No, it’s not.” Said Niall, from his station. “I’ve been practising for ages, your baking is just pure talent.” 
By midnight the last batch had cooled down and they were all decorating together and Y/n was humming along to the Christmas playlist she had put on. 
Niall twirled Y/n around and they sang along goofily. Niall and Y/n had been friends since culanary school which felt like years ago now. They were only teenagers then. All baby-faced and wide-eyed, now they were older and still just as immature when put together. When Y/n opened her bakery and she needed extra hands he was the first person she called. 
Niall was her best friend, and Harry had easily become her other one. Even though she was so tired and it was late, and her feet ached. The boys made it better. Niall singing into a spatula and Harry refusing to dance or sing was what kept her going the final stretch. She stopped decorating to go over to Harry, she looped her arms through his waist forcing him to step away from the bench and she tried to make him sway with her. 
His body stayed still and she moved closer to the front of him, in hopes of seeing his face. 
“C’mon! Dance, Grinch!”
“I don’t even dance when it isn’t Christmas, Y/n.”
She huffed arms crossing, “Please?” she asked, fluttering her eyes best of her ability in hopes of convincing him. 
Harry melted at the sight. She was so cute, even Harry couldn’t say no to her. He sighed like it was the most horrible task anyone could’ve asked him and she held out her hand with a smile. He grabbed it and she raised her hand for him to twirl under and he obliged spinning even though he was much taller than her. She leaned in close to him hands landing on his hips as his landed on her shoulders in an embrace while they swayed. She sang softly, and very off-key and Harry just shook his head. 
She was like a ray of sunlight, and he was like the moon. She looked up at him, “Thanks for helping,” she said softly.
“Of course….you’ve done way more for me.” He said.
She just shook her head and was about to reply but Niall cut them off. 
“I gotta’ get home to Max soon.” Max was Niall’s recent boyfriend. 
“Sorry, let’s get back too it.” Y/n said pulling away from Harry.
By almost 1 AM they were finished with every cookie. It was perfect. They would probably all sell out tomorrow. Y/n grabbed two handfuls one for Niall and one for Harry. She wrapped them like she would for costumers. She tied two pink ribbons and handed one to Niall. 
“Thank you for all your hard work, Ni, I’ll see you Monday?” He nodded smiling in his easy going way, and pecked her cheek.
“Bye, Pet, see you Monday.” They waved him off and they heard him leave when the bell chimed.
Y/n and Harry turned the lights off and grabbed there things. Y/n put on her layers of clothes. A big red coat, her lavender scarf, and her blue beanie that had a fuzzy ball on top. She grabbed her bags and keys and they locked up the shop. 
At least tomorrow both her and Harry had the day off. 
The walk to the car was brisk but short, the snow had stopped now and but it was still freezing. The pair stayed close by to one another, trying to keep warm as they walked quickly to the car. 
Harry started the car as fast as he could and cranked the heat and while they waited for it warm up they finally tried the few pieces of gingerbread she’d saved for them.
“Y/n this is so fucking good.” He said looking over at her. His hair was back down and he’d put on all his layers too. She smiled. 
“All you, H.”
He just shook his head. “You’re the best.”
She looked over blushing. “And you’re the sweetest.”
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azullumi · 8 months ago
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“dangerously yours” ; alhaitham
summary — it was a simple mission, kill the scribe. it should be easy but what happens when you fall in love with your target?
pairing — alhaitham w/gender-neutral reader
tags — definitely not fluff, some angst here and there, reader is a criminal, inspired by the dangerously yours podcast (please listen to it), not proof-read as always, this is more like an idea dump and word vomit ; headcanons/scenario
words — 1200+
note — woke up and had this idea, goodnight (also wrote this months ago and just noticed this in my drafts)
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you had one mission, an easy one at that.
working as a mercenary and spy under a criminal organization, you were tasked to do various kinds of things—from infiltrating certain groups in order to obtain information, from guarding someone and protecting their life to taking one at that. emotions were never relevant in this line of work, empathy and mercy never exists in these crimson-painted walls of your life. nor did the notion of affection and feelings were accepted. 
until a file containing details about a gray-haired man with eyes that seem to reflect both the ocean and the forest along with the contents of your task were placed into your hands: gain his trust, take the necessary information, and with the words encased in red and capitalized as if it was an important note, as if it was something that shouldn’t be ignored, the words, kill him were written.
it was simple. it’s not like this was your first time receiving this kind of mission; you had plenty of these and you’ve always done and finished them without any sort of trouble coming in your way. it should have been simple.
however, nobody warned you of what he would become—to you. the soon-to-be bane of your existence: alhaitham.
his whole being itself was a hindrance, a disruption to the way that you have survived life—kill or be killed. so how did something that you have been so familiar and used to become as scary as if it was the unknown? how did something that your whole life revolved around become so foreign and strange? how could you ever let go of someone who basked you in the afterglow of warmth and serenity?
he had you experiencing such things that you never dared to imagine.
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“how can you be so sure when you don’t even know me completely.” you say, sitting right in front of the light-haired man, alhaitham,—your target—with a smile plastered on your face, a fake one at that. everything that will unfold here and throughout was simply just a form of deception to accomplish your mission.
“oh, i know you.” there was an underlying meaning underneath the tone of his words, the corner of his lips lifted into a small smirk, and you couldn’t help the numbing and cold chill that runs through your skin.
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it was in a way that those stupid turquoise eyes of his feels like it’s looking right through you, as if he could read and see every thought of yours—and that’s what scares you, it’s not the fear that he’ll know of your soul and what you truly came for but the fear that he’ll know of the alacritous thumping of your heart and how your mind spirals into a turmoil and how you have to remind yourself every single time you hear his voice or gaze at him that this is the man you are supposed to kill.
not even once have you ever bothered to remember the names of the previous men that you were entrusted to get to rid of, only knowing their faces and quickly forgetting about it after you have done your job. but to alhaitham, to him, you know every single thing about him—how he prefers his coffee made, the colors that he likes (he insists on not having a favorite), how he struggles with falling asleep often, his love and preferences for books and reading, how he styles his hair (he only brushes through it and let the wind do its job), how he expresses himself, and how he lives his life.
in this play that you have orchestrated, you have unknowingly become of a victim of your own deception.
oh, foolish you, yearning for something, someone, that you will never have. when did it even begin? how did you even start to crave for a life that was completely out of your hands? was it when he smiled when he looked at you with those eyes one time? was it when you heard the sound of his laughter and wished to hear more of it? was it at the moment he kissed you and all you could remember throughout the night was the feeling of his lips grazing against your own and ghosting against your skin? is it because he always treats you with gentleness and looks at you with adoration like your existence was made up of stars and the sun?
for the first time in your whole life, you feel like a normal person for once—one who only experienced being hurt by heartbreaks, who cried over simple things, who ran through the fields in freedom and with nothing chaining you in a single place. for once, you feel like living instead of surviving.
the thought of running away, leaving behind the one thing you’ve only known and clung to, and simply being with him remains at the back of your head, the idea of waking up and spending your morning with him underneath the warm light of the sun, that you’ll get to feel the soft beating of his heart against your ear as he held you, that you get to experience the tenderness of his touch and kisses, that you’ll get to have him so close and so bare to you fills you with such warmth and comfort (feelings that were completely shoved under the pile of increasing corpses of the lives that you betrayed and took). but you weren’t a good person and you never will be, so how could you covet for something that is entirely undeserving for your existence.
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“i can’t do this, i have to kill you.” your words came out as a desperate whisper, almost like a plea. you don’t even notice the tears that started to well up in the corner of your eyes until alhaitham wiped one that threatened to spill over your cheeks, his gesture gentle and forgiving. no one had ever come this close, no one had ever treated you so softly.
don’t come so close.
“then do it.” was he taunting you? you could never tell. all you know is you can’t pull the trigger on him.
“i can’t.” when did killing someone become so hard after you have taken dozens of lives with your blood-stained hands? your life’s purpose had trails of crimson, remnants of betrayal all over it yet you couldn’t even bear the thought of watching his eyes lose its light.
“why can’t you?” his voice was as soft and kind as his touch—he always speaks to you in such a way, never raising his tone at you, even at this moment.
the words remain stuck on your throat, nothing willingly coming out of your moment and the moment between you two comes into a hush. you can’t even say it; a confession that feels like a sin once it’s uttered out loud.
“say it. just say it, my love, please.” he chokes on his last word and something inside you breaks seeing this state of him. oh, how utterly foolish both of you are for falling.
“don’t do this to me.” your plea turns into a prayer, praying and wishing yet you don’t even know what it is that you are begging for.
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© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.
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calmcoldevening · 1 year ago
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Pov: You loved vampire!slashers in your past life and now you met them again
TW: mention of blood, biting, vampire and e.t.c
Characters: Vincent Sinclair, Michael Myers, Hannibal Lecter
English is not my native language, so sorry about misspells. I hope you enjoy it ♡
Mieloji (Lithuanian) — Darling
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You have just moved to a new small town away from the hustle and bustle of megacities. Surprisingly, you quickly found a place to live and settled into a small house, beautiful and cozy. After unpacking all the things, you decided to explore a new city a little. After all, you've been living here for quite a while, haven't you?
And now you are standing in front of a large mansion, made in the likeness of a certain Gothic style. The massive building was made in dark colors. Large windows with a pleasant view of a surprisingly well-kept garden with bushes of blood-red roses; a dark pointed roof with neat tiles; dark gray walls of the mansion with peeling paint in some places. In front of your face were massive doors made of dark oak with a neat intricate engraving on them. Something like snakes.
You take a deep breath, gathering your courage, and slowly open the door. It does not give in immediately, the old hinges creak disgustingly. And here you are inside. You can see a huge corridor with a large staircase directly opposite the entrance. The interior is made in black and red tones, in some places you can see elements of silver or gold. Huge paintings in gold frames hang on both walls of the lobby. They depict some important people with menacing faces, but you can't make out the text on the captions to the portraits. It's a language you don't know. A huge chandelier with red candles burning on it hangs on the ceiling. Even the very flame on them seems scarlet. And although it's only early autumn outside, it's strangely cool in the mansion. Almost grave cold.
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Michael Myers
You notice that your kitten is behaving strangely. Perhaps you shouldn't have taken him to such a strange mansion. The black little animal begins to meow often and asks to get off your hands. You slowly put him on the floor, and he runs straight up the stairs to the second floor.
"Michael, be a good boy and come back!" You mumble in a voice a little louder than a whisper.
Your boy has never been so restless, on the contrary, he was usually even too calm. Even when you first found this baby, he was a quiet, albeit wayward cat. As if he understood you.
"Michael..."
You hear the cat meowing from one of the distant rooms and sigh in defeat. Slowly climbing up the burgundy trunk to the stairs, you hold on to the smooth black railing with your hand. When you reach the back room, you notice Michael sitting on a large velvet bed with a satisfied smile. It was a huge double bed with a gray canopy over it and a carved headboard. A truly aristocratic bed. You come closer, holding out your hands to the kitten.
"Come on, be a good boy, we need to go. We don't want to meet the owner of this place, do we?"
Finally, the cat climbs into your arms and you turn around to leave, but abruptly bump into something. He was a huge man. You back away in fear, landing on the bedspread. You just crashed into his chest...
Your eyes go up, examining the man with horror. He was at least six feet tall, menacing and cold as a statue. His dark curly hair fell in careless curls over his pale face. The man's face was expressionless, and his large copper eyes were bloodshot.
You reflexively hug the cat to you, trying to protect him, and you close your eyes. The man raises his hand and...
Nothing?
Oh.
His big cold palm with rough fingers gently touches your face, stroking your cheek. You slowly open your eyes, looking at the stranger in disbelief. But now his face wasn't so impassive. Behind all this cold facade there was a hint of... Happiness?
The man was standing there, stroking your face, as your kitten jumped to the floor, starting to rub against the man's leg. What a... He never recognized strangers, even hissed at them if someone got too close to you.
You look up at a man, and your eyes meet. Why is he silent?
"Y/ N..." he mutters faintly, and your heart starts beating wildly in your ears.
How does he know your name? A moment later, and the man gets on his knees, hugging you around the waist and putting his head on your lap. Even in this position, he was huge. He covers his red eyes, starting to slowly rub his face against your knees and emit a light purr. Just like a kitten...
"Missed you."
And again just one phrase. But it's enough to make your heart start to ache strangely in your chest. Your hands seem to move by themselves, burrowing into his unruly curls and massaging his tense skin. A strange feeling of deja vu appeared inside. As if it really was before...
Looking up, you don't find a kitten.
"Michael," you mutter softly, frowning, and notice that the man raised his head, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. His name... Michael? Just like your kitten. You sigh softly and smile at him. The man... No, Michael, he smiles a little in response and you see little fangs peeking out from under his lips. A vampire... But it doesn't scare you. For the first time, nothing scares you. It's like you've finally come home.
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Vincent Sinclair
It was a huge picturesque mansion where you wanted to stay longer. All this mysterious interior in the mystical light of blood candles caused a strange excitement in your stomach.
You slowly climb up to the second floor, looking at the paintings and leading your hand along the different railings. A truly blood-stirring place.
Walking to the second floor, your feet lead you to the first room you come across. A spacious room with dark curtains on the windows, inside there were several tables littered with papers and paraffin candles standing on them. But what caught your eye were the drawings. Oh, Father, it was a whole picture gallery! All the walls of the room were hung with old, slightly yellowed and frayed paper. And on each sheet there were different faces, as if alive. You came closer to examine them and... Your face was here. It was almost perfect. The accuracy with which your facial features and your hair were transferred, although they were somewhat longer in the portraits... Your smile is so bright and colorful. Your eyes... It was really you. But you've never worn such strange dresses... And where did your image come from here?
There was a thump behind you, as if something heavy had fallen to the floor. You turn around and freeze in place.
It was a man. He was dressed in unusual clothes for modernity, rather resembling the costumes of the Victorian era. His long hair fell over his broad shoulders, and his face was covered with a snow-white mask. Several heavy volumes of books lay on the floor in front of him. So that's what it fell...
It seems the man is hesitating. His ringed hands are shaking a little as he gathers his thoughts. It was as if he had seen a ghost. Or a goddess.
The stranger is slowly moving towards you, his dark hair flowing over his strong shoulders like silk ribbons. He slowly knelt down, gently hugging you with trembling hands. You feel this cold touch on your hot skin, but it seems almost... comforting. You look down at him, your hands almost reflexively reaching for his hair, gently running through the soft strands. And he shudders. A dull, barely audible whimper fills the room. The man presses closer to your body and mutters something indistinctly.
A simple "Vincent" flashes through your head, and you don't notice how you say it out loud. The man shudders, looking up at you, and your heart freezes. His blood-filled eyes look at you with unprecedented love and tenderness. You're back, they say.
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Hannibal Lecter
"You're finally here, Mieloji."
It was a deep male voice that made your blood run cold in your veins. You slowly turned your head towards the stairs, noticing a tall man on it.
He was dressed in a dark suit with a starched white shirt peeking out from under his vest. His entire appearance radiated elegance and sophistication. Those carefully arranged hair on her head, shining in the bloody candlelight. This sweet, but at the same time dangerous, intoxicating snow-white smile with plump pink lips. And, oh, those blood-red eyes looking into the very depths of your trembling soul.
As he slowly descends towards you, you back away, pressing into the wall. The man reaches out to you with his pale hand with neatly sharpened nails, touching your cheek. Only now do you notice how much he towers over you. Like a predator over a prey.
"I had no hope of meeting you again, Mieloji," He whispers, leaning against your neck and looking at you with his burning eyes.
"S-Sorry... But I don't understand what you're talking about..." You mutter softly, feeling your knees slowly give way, "Maybe you're confusing me with someone..."
"Oh, no, dear. I recognize you from a thousand," He whispers with a predatory smile, baring a pair of sharp fangs, "I recognize you from a thousand, Y/N."
"How do you know my name?" Your voice is shaking. It seems like it was too much for you. You were scared.
"Shh, Mieloji. I didn't mean to scare you," His gaze softens for a moment as he runs his thumb over your trembling lip, "I'm Hannibal."
He probably expected this name to give you some hint of what's going on, but you just nervously pursed your lips. What a strange man he is... Although it was worth this name to fly off his plump lips, as your heart skipped a light beat. But this is not enough to believe his words. You're just scared...
"It seems you've really forgotten me, Mieloji," Hannibal murmured with a slight bitterness, looking into your beautiful eyes. Oh, he was drowning in their alluring depths every time, "I shouldn't have let you go then... But I cherished you too much to deprive you of the joys of mortal life."
The man wrapped his free arm around your waist, pulling you into his cold embrace. Your smaller body looked so perfect in his hands... The pleasant aroma of his body hits you in the nose, mixed with a slight taste of copper and sandalwood. At this moment you feel so calm, here in his arms. It's as if the whole world around you has ceased to exist, just you and him.
His cold hand slowly looks at your tense back, lightly sliding his nails on the fabric of your clothes. Hannibal remembered it all too well: every curve of your body, the scent of your hair and your gentle voice. It was definitely you, his beloved, who returned to him after centuries. He knew it right away, as soon as he noticed you at the gate through the window of the second floor.
"Mieloji, I've missed you so much... I thought I wouldn't see you again," he muttered, a hint of relief in his voice.
Oh, how you wanted to believe him. It all seemed like a pleasant dream. You just moved out of your old town and entered a mansion you didn't know, but this was the first time you really felt at home. You were in the right place.
You almost reflexively squeeze the fabric of his vest between your fingers, and the man lets out a light laugh. He pulls away, still holding you by the waist and burying his free hand in your hair. Hannibal tilts your head slightly to the side.
"Let me show you my love again," he whispers, and you feel a painful burning sensation in your neck.
His sharp fangs cut into your flesh, and his pink lips begin to slowly suck your skin. It was painful. But gradually this feeling was replaced by something like... pleasure?
"Let me help you remember everything, Mieloji."
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spcebtwn · 1 year ago
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burning red
Pairing: Audrey Rose/Reader
Word Count: 4.8k
Warnings: language, smut, angst w a happy ending if you catch my drift ;), soulmarks, implied fem reader but i believe it could be read as gn
Summary: Audrey always looks away like it's a choice, like it means she's the winner. It makes your teeth ache, how blatant she is.
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You meet your soulmate on your first day at Auradon Prep.
It’s clear from the get-go she wants nothing to do with you. She reeks of royalty—dressed in pink, her hair meticulously styled, her teeth blindingly white. Around her neck hangs a diamond that would impress even your mother—your eyes zero in on it for a moment, the way your mother has trained you to do. There wasn’t anything on the Isle you couldn’t steal for her. Unless, of course, Jay got to it first. He doesn’t seem to notice the necklace, though. You’re the only one focused on the princess. It’s embarrassing, but nobody seems to notice that either.
She smells like vanilla and roses, so much so you’re hardly surprised when her last name ends up being the latter. Even less so when she turns her nose at you, smile going frigid the moment you speak to her. You watch as she subconsciously fiddles with the neckline of her dress, and wonder if that’s where she’s hiding your mark. It makes resentment bubble in your chest, knowing that you’ll probably never get to see.
You huff and try to taper down the resentment before it can bloom into something else. If you’ve gone this long alone, you can do it forever. Your mother has.
(You don’t think about what that’s done to her.)
Audrey quickly becomes an antagonist—to both the mission and your life in general. She’s a problem because she’s Ben’s girlfriend, but Mal has to be Ben’s girlfriend. She’s a problem because she lurks in the hallways whenever you try to discuss anything relating to the wand. She’s a problem because every time she catches your eye, she’ll pull Ben down into what looks like a bruising kiss, eyes fiery, like they’re saying this is what you can’t have. This is what I want.
You’re never the first to break eye contact. Haven’t backed down from a challenge since the first time Jay tried—and failed—to pickpocket you. It doesn’t do anything, though. She always looks away like it’s a choice, like it means she’s the winner. It makes your teeth ache, how fucking blatant she is. Shoulder checking you in the hallway like you’re boys. Slamming her locker closed whenever you pass. Rubbing Ben in your face like it means something, like their whole relationship isn’t a lie. You wonder if she hides her mark from him, too. If he’s ever seen her without those high necklines, the starched collars. A sick sort of satisfaction fills you at the thought you know something he doesn’t. That you’ve never seen it either, but you know it’s there.
Mal slips Ben a love cookie. You enjoy the affronted look on Audrey’s face for about five seconds before she’s yanking Chad down and swapping spit with him. She doesn’t look at you while she does it. It’s for her, for once. You bet she’s not even thinking about you.
You clench your jaw and look away. In a month, you won’t ever have to worry about her. You’ll have everything you want.
It’s two weeks before the coronation and the sight of Audrey and Chad in the hallway makes you sick.
With Ben, you could tell yourself she was just doing it because her parents wanted her to be queen. Maybe even because she wanted to be queen. But it wasn’t anything real. You could tell in the performance of it all. The Benny-boos. The hand holding. Her eyes sliding to you anytime Ben kissed her on the cheek, a smirk painted on her face like she was proving something. Because she was. Ben was a desperate attempt to prove something to herself.
Chad is something else entirely.
He’s more classically handsome than Ben. Bigger, stronger. Douche-ier. He flings an arm over Audrey anytime they’re close enough. It’s casual like he’s done it a thousand times. He kisses her like that, too. Like it’s an afterthought. She doesn’t make it showy, doesn’t look at you. She just sits there looking pretty and takes it. Hugs, kisses, any form of PDA you could imagine. Like she wants it. Like she likes it.
You grow used to the feeling of your stomach churning. Can’t look at Chad’s stupid face without feeling it.
You’ve gone to the bathroom to escape the sight of them in the hallway, smiling at each other like it’s the real deal. It makes you want to puke. You splash water in your face and stare up at yourself in the mirror. At your hair, combed but not shiny, not pretty like hers. Like Chad’s. Your makeup starts and ends with the chapstick Evie insists you use. Looking pretty on the Ise made you stand out. You never got good at it, and now it’s too late. You wonder if Audrey would look your way if you were prettier. If you looked something closer to royalty.
The door slams open and you blink, startled but not enough to show it. It’s Audrey—of course it is. She rushes to the sink without looking at you. In the hallway behind her, you can see Mal and Ben passing. They don’t look at her. Briefly, you feel victorious. Now you know what it feels like, you think. The thought quickly turns sour, though. It’s Ben making her feel like that. Not you.
She notices you eventually. Your face is mostly dry by the time she does. Still, she sneers, like you’re a piece of fucking roadkill on the street. It’s a look you’re familiar with, and a cold feeling of indifference washes over you. “Sorry, princess, bathroom’s all yours,” you say, sliding past her to leave. She huffs, though, and it gives you pause—long enough for her to get a word in.
“I know you did something to him,” she snaps, spinning around to face you. Her ponytail bounces. Her voice doesn’t waver.
Your heart skips a beat as fear begins to take hold. Fear of being caught. “I didn’t do shit,” you say, instinctively. Maybe it’s passing the blame, maybe it’s distracting her.
She glares for a moment before the facade crumbles. Her shoulders fall, her eyes pinching further, like she’s fighting back tears. Fear is replaced with guilt so suddenly it feels like whiplash. “He was my best friend,” she says, choked and quiet. Her eyes are shiny.
The same forces that branded her first words to you on your skin—And I’m Audrey, his girlfriend—tell you to comfort her. Tell you to wipe her tears. To kiss the skin they’ve stained. But you think about her and Chad in the hallway. You think about her beatific grin as she kisses him, kisses Ben. You think about the way she’d glared down at you that first day, cold as the dead of winter on the Isle. You think about the cool distant pain you feel in your chest every time you look at her, and you want to make her hurt, too. “Well, I guess he changed his mind,” you say, turning on your heels and storming off before you can think about how the sound she makes sounds suspiciously like a sob.
If it is, you’ve succeeded in making her hurt. It doesn’t make you feel better.
Evie makes a list of all the things she wants once the villains take over.
She wants a castle with fourteen bedrooms and a marble staircase and mother-in-law suite. She wants the spindle Maleficent cursed, all those years ago. She wants access to any wardrobe in Auradon she deems fit. Above all, she wants Chad Charming by her side. You don’t know if he’s her soulmate or not. At the very least, it’s clear she wants him to be. You wish she’d do something about it. Make it so you didn’t have to see him touch Audrey ever again.
Evie asks you what it is that you want—but that’s the only thing you can think of. Audrey, away from Chad. Away from Ben. You don’t even care if she’s with you or not. As long as she stops pretending like she could ever want somebody else.
You bite your tongue. Say diamonds, because it’s expected of you. Evie rolls your eyes, familiarly. “Of course you do,” she sighs, staring wistfully down at her list. Chad’s name is in hearts. You watch her write diamonds underneath it and feel sick to your stomach.
Because as much as you may lie to yourself, you know damn well you don’t want any diamonds.
It doesn’t matter if you want diamonds or Audrey or a goddamn unicorn to ride through town on. Because coronation day comes, and nothing happens.
Well. A lot happens.
The villains don’t rain down in a parade of hellfire. Auradon isn’t taken by Maleficent. Evie doesn’t get her castle, or her spindle, or Chad. But you get a scolding. A group hug. A weight off your shoulders. Maleficent is smaller than your feet now, and you don’t have to worry about taking over the world. Audrey doesn’t dance with Chad at the afterparty. She still doesn’t look at you, but she doesn’t look at him either. It does something to quell the bone deep ache you’ve become so accustomed to.
That night, you fall asleep in your dorm and think of nothing. Absolutely nothing. There’s only one thing to think about any more. And you know she isn’t thinking about you.
Evie does get Chad, eventually. Doug, too. She stops wearing those tights all the time, lets people see their words circling her calves, one on each leg. They sit with her at lunch now. Join all the group hang outs. You’ve got Chad and Doug and Ben, and Jane, too, has snuck her way in, sticking by Carlos’ side as if she’s still scared of the rest of you. Jay likes scaring her. You like laughing at it.
The point is, you’ve got everybody except Audrey. So it’s only a matter of time before she starts hanging around, too. It’s almost too much for you to take, her being everywhere, all the time. Inescapable. The scent of her perfume—vanilla and roses—follows you everywhere. You could choke on it. She doesn’t talk to you, not really. You communicate through everybody else. Argue with Ben at the same time you’re really arguing with each other. Passing messages without actually saying anything. Eye contact over the table. Glares, mostly. She may accept the VKs as human now, but certainly not as her soulmate. It makes you hate her, a little bit. As much as you want her, you hate her, too.
Because it hurts. Not having her hurts. It’s driven people mad before, having a soulmate out of reach. Having a soulmate so blatantly reject you. Sometimes you’re surprised you’re still standing, when she can talk about some new boy she’s dating right in front of you. It hurts right behind your ribs, makes breathing hard. You don't know how you took it, when she would kiss Ben and Chad right in front of you. Seeing her smile at somebody is torture. You’re not sure how much longer you can take it.
Evidently, not long.
It’s Thanksgiving break, and you’re expected to stay at the school with the other kids who live too far away or have nowhere to go. But Ben invites you all to stay at the castle with him, and you’re sure as hell not going to refuse.
There’s a bedroom for each of you. You haven’t had a bed wider than you are long ever. You don't let yourself enjoy it, though. You’ve only got a week before it’s back to the XL twin, to the shared room with Mal and Evie. Still, it feels nice. Sprawling out, suitcase abandoned on the floor, everybody far enough away that you could probably scream and they wouldn’t hear it. You figure the week is going to be the best one you’ve had in a while.
Until Audrey shows up.
Your stomach drops at the sight of her. She doesn’t have a bag, won’t be staying here like you are, at least. But the thought that she could just drop by whenever she likes is enough to put you on edge. You hate that this is the way she makes you feel. Anxious and angry. You’re supposed to be in love. You’re supposed to be able to look at her without it hurting. To spend time together, even if it’s not every waking second like Mal and Ben, or Evie, Doug, and Chad. Even if it’s not something smitten like the thing between Carlos and Jane. Not puppy love, because it could never be. Not after everything that’s happened.
Maybe it would be biting and fast and hard. Something closer to what Jay has with Harry, back on the Isle. Maybe her tongue would still be sharp and her gaze could still be icy, but it wouldn’t matter, because you’d know she wants you, likes you, loves you. You don’t know anything now. It’s all up in the air. That, or it’s been shot down. Missing in action. Her eyes pass over you with indifference, and it makes you want to keel over, to sink into the floor.
You sit next to her in the den instead. You can feel her muscles are tight, squeezed up in an attempt to avoid any contact possible. Her sharp intakes of breath every time you shift are close enough to something to quiet the buzzing under your skin.
Audrey is around more than you could possibly imagine, or prepare for.
She and Ben are close again now. He was my best friend echoes in your ear every time they laugh, smile, hug, anything. It makes no sense to be jealous. Still, you are. You’d do anything to be Audrey’s friend. But she doesn’t even want that from you.
She talks to you more now, at least. Would be strange not to. You all make cookies one night—non-love-spelled—and Audrey mutters instructions to you as you work around each other in the kitchen. Pass the flour, go get the milk, don’t overmix. You follow mindlessly, too caught up in the fact that she’s acknowledging your existence to care that she’s bossing you around. You wouldn’t mind if she slapped you in the face, as long as she looked at you while she did it.
When the cookies are done, they’re perfect. Better than any of the other batches. Audrey nods at you when they come out. It’s so much in terms of what she’s done before. Nowhere near enough in terms of what you want her to do.
You eat the damn cookies and sulk when she chooses Ben to sit next to, yet again. Jay stares at you with something like sympathy when you plop down next to him for whatever required viewing Ben’s chosen for tonight, but when you glance over at Audrey, her mark is still covered, as always. Yours, too. Jay’s always been perceptive though. Has to be, in your line of work. Maybe he doesn’t need to see a mark to figure out something’s going on.
You ignore his questioning gaze until he finally turns away. He wants to talk, but there’s nothing to tell. Never will be, with the way things are going.
“Oh, Audrey doesn’t have a soulmate,” Chad remarks from across the room. He’s stretched across Doug and Evie’s legs, looking content and careless. He doesn’t even look up as he speaks.
You’re not sure how you’ve gotten to the topic, only know that Audrey suddenly looks intensely uncomfortable. She avoids eye contact with you, shrugs when everybody else turns to stare at her. White hot rage fills your core at the thought that she could so easily deny the fact that she’s tied to you, that the universe itself has decided you’re meant for each other. You bristle and stand up, your legs carrying you away before you can do anything stupid, say anything stupider.
As you make your way to your room, the last thing you expect is for Audrey to follow.
“Why don't you just tell everybody, huh?” she asks, pushing behind you through your bedroom door. She speaks in a harsh whisper, as if anybody could hear her all the way up here. “It would be almost as obvious as that scene.”
When you turn around to face her, her cheeks are red with embarrassment. The air around you feels hot, the way it always does when she's close. “According to Chad, I have nothing to tell,” you spit, not even a little ashamed of how pathetic it sounds. If you're pathetic, then so is she. This whole thing is pathetic.
“You know that's not true,” she says, crossing her arms. Her eyes dart down to the floor, like you're not even good enough to look at.
“Do I?” you ask, refusing to whisper like she is. “For all I know, some other girl is gonna introduce herself as Audrey, his girlfriend and none of this will matter anymore!”
You won't matter anymore, you want to say but can't. It looks like she hears it anyway.
She scoffs. “Sorry I’m not as good as some other girl, then,” she says, which is just about the craziest thing she could say. The stupidest thing she could say.
You think about Ben. About Chad. About her cruel smile as she kissed them, held their hands in the hallway. About how she'd rather be with them than with you, seemingly would rather be with anyone than with you. “You know that's not the point.”
It's silent for a moment. You aren't sure what to say to her, if there's anything to say. Any words you have are cruel, and the thought of hurting her more makes your throat close up, a little.
She doesn't feel the same, though. “You can't give me what I want,” are the next words to leave her mouth. Your eyes shut on their own accord, as if that'll somehow make the rejection feel better. You can't give her what she wants. All you want is her.
It's bullshit, you think, suddenly. She feels the same way you do. She has to. “And what is that?” you ask, stepping closer to her. She backs up against the wall, but meets your gaze. It seems like a challenge, but that may be wishful thinking. “What do you want? To be queen? Because that ship has sailed.”
She says nothing, but she doesn't look away either. If she won't back down, then neither will you. “I know you don't want Chad,” you continue. “Is it the hiding you like? Do you want to lie to everybody for the rest of your life?”
“Okay,” she says, and it sounds like she's surrendering, but you just can't stop that you've started, now that she's finally listening to you.
You step closer, the heat becoming almost unbearable. “What is it, Audrey? Because I’m starting to think you hate me just to hate me.”
“That’s enough.” She places a hand on your chest, and you freeze, the entire world minimizing to that point of contact. She's never touched you before. It feels like her palm is made of dynamite.
She's staring down at her own hand, eyes wide but brows furrowed. Her cheeks are flushed. You can't stop yourself.
When you finally kiss her, sparks ignite under your skin. You always thought it was cliche, but now you know why so many people use that metaphor. Everywhere you touch her is like fireworks, like the universe rewarding you for finally giving in. She makes a noise of surprise, caught in her throat, but she doesn't pull away. After a moment of terrifying stillness, you do, scared you've messed it up, scared she’ll hate you even more now, scared she’ll run away the second you're off of her.
She does none of these things. The second you come up for air, the hand on your chest moves to the back of your neck. It's hot even through the layers of your hair, but what's hotter is the way she pulls you down with a haggard breath, so hard your foreheads knock together for a moment. You hardly notice it. Her skin is warm against you. You touch her where her pretty ironed dress covers it, where her collar hides the mark, hides your mark.
She kisses you like she's drowning for it. It isn't casual, like with Chad. Not for show, like with Ben. It’s desperate and hot and a long time coming. You lift a hand to her hip, thumb rubbing over the bone. You can’t feel her, not really, not through the dress. You want it off. Instead, you opt for ducking your hand underneath it, gripping the swell of her ass. The fabric of her underwear is much thinner, and feels suspiciously lacy. She breaks away for a second to moan, a reedy sound that’s a far cry from her usual polished tone. Her mouth slams shut, like she’s embarrassed, and she surges forward once more before you can comment on it.
You can feel her lipstick rubbing off on your own lips—it’s sticky but you don’t care. Don’t care about anything but her. “Can’t believe you made me wait this long,” you mutter against her lips, knowing you were fully prepared to wait forever.
She leans back against the door, shoulders sagging but hips jutting forward to meet your own. You take the hint and slide a thigh between her legs. “Done waiting,” she says, eyes falling closed as she grinds against the fabric of your pants. “Done caring.”
About what, she doesn’t say. You don’t ask. You hope she'll tell you later, hope this means there’ll be a later. You hope it’s more than just giving in, hope it’s giving up, hope it’s something that’ll last once she walks out. Her hand trails up to the top of your shirt; she tries to pull it down, searching for your mark, and huffs when she can’t find it. “Alright, alright,” you chuckle, brushing her hand off you so you can reach your own down to untuck your shirt, unbuckle your belt, unzip the pants. You have to shove your underwear down a bit for the mark to be visible—it’s sprawled across your hip, a place no garment of clothing doesn’t hide.
Her fingertips brush over it greedily, and it feels like you’re on fire. You wish she’d take the dress off so you could see your own words branding her. But you don’t push, want this to be on her terms, just like everything has been. You do drop your head to her shoulder, let out a ragged breath when her fingers sweep lower, running featherlight over you. You do squeeze your eyes shut and say, “Audrey,” voice low and quiet. Just as encouragement.
Her voice is clipped when she finally says, “Bed.” You obey without second thought, pulling her back with you.
It's only when she’s sitting on the edge of your bed, letting you press open-mouthed kisses to the column of her neck, that you risk tracing your hand up her spine until your fingers come to rest on the zipper of her dress, a question. “Yeah,” she sighs out, head dropping back so she can look at you. “Get a move on, already.”
You grin and obey, a light, “Yes, princess,” coming out of your mouth before you tell it to. You don’t miss her intake of breath, the way her hips shift minutely.
The zipper goes easily, and she stands up to shuck the dress all the way off. There’s so much of her to look at that you don’t know where to start. Except you do. You start at her mark, because where else would you start? It’s stark black, contrasting nicely against her tan skin. The words are tiny, but unmistakable. Clear enough that anybody would know it’s a mark. You still don’t understand why she hides it. It’s not like it bears your name, the way yours does. Not like it makes her any less perfect.
“Thought I told you to get a move on,” she complains, falling back onto the bed.
She lays down and you follow, glad to finally be touching her for real. You touch the mark, with your fingers and then your mouth, kissing the skin there, and she shivers. You let your lips trail down her chest—pausing to work more diligently at her breasts, reveling in her gasps—until you’re lingering just above the hem of her underwear; your suspicion was right, they are lace. She lifts her hips and you take the hint, tugging them down.
You can’t stop yourself from immediately bringing your mouth to her clit, lapping at it until she exhales shakily, a quiet, “Fuck,” falling from her lips.
It’s the filthiest thing you’ve ever heard her say. She even refuses to say oh, my god, instead opting for gosh or goodness or something equally Aurodonian. It feels like you’re taking her apart, and you feel your own core pulsing between your legs at the thought. You bring a finger to join your mouth in teasing at her folds, circling there a few times before you let it slip inside. It goes easily—fuck, she’s wet—and you both moan at the feeling of you inside of her.
You can feel her sink into the bed as you finger her open, almost lazily. You’ve wanted her for so long that you want to enjoy this now that you finally have it. You have a feeling that patience won’t last long though, and your suspicions are proven when Audrey groans and props herself up on her elbows, put-upon.
She stares down at you with a flush that starts high on her cheeks and spreads down to her chest, angry and red, filled with want. There’s a spark in her eyes, and you brace yourself for whatever’s coming. “Gosh,” she starts, breathless. “Chad would’ve already been—”
You push another finger in just to stop her from finishing that sentence. She breaks it off with a gasp, hips lifting from the bed, urging you to go harder, deeper. You do, figuring maybe now is not the time to take things slow, not after you’ve waited so long. Not when she clearly wants to keep this rolling.
You finger her in a manner you know is nothing if not efficient. Though, really, apart from the angle, you don’t have much control in the matter. Audrey’s hips grinding down onto your fingers control how fast, how hard, how deep you go. Still, she gasps out little praises like so good and just like that and knew you’d be perfect for me. It makes your skin feel impossibly hotter, and you squeeze your thighs together in a desperate search for some sort of friction. It quells the need inside you well enough to focus on the matter at hand. Literally.
“Ah,” Audrey moans, sounding fucked out and breathless. “Curl your—um—”
She doesn’t manage to find the word fingers, but you follow the instruction anyway. Her head falls back, eyes squeezed shut, shoulders rising and falling as she pants, hips coming down harder, faster. “Mmm, right there,” she says, pressing her lips together. Her hands are fisted in the sheets so hard you can feel them moving underneath you, and it only makes you redouble your efforts. You can tell she’s close, and when your thumb joins your tongue in laving at her clit, it’s over for her. Her thighs clench around you, hips jolting forward as she gasps. Her walls pulse around you, and you feel like you’re holding her heart in your hand.
You fuck her through it, stopping only when she falls back onto the bed, squirming. Again, you follow, and she kisses you all soft and sweet. Something you never would’ve guessed you’d get. You wish she’d save it for later, though, when you didn’t feel like you were about to explode with want. You wish some of that bite would come back right about now, because even as she curls her fingers in your hair hard enough to sting, you can tell she’s cooling off, winding down. You still feel like you’re on fire, though. “Alright,” she sighs, once she’s caught her breath, pulling away and brushing her hair out of her face. “Your turn.”
You laugh, even as relief floods through your veins. “I was worried there, for a second.”
“No need to fret. I’m very generous,” she promises, crawling down the bed until she’s centered in front of you.
You scoff, but it’s too breathy to be convincing. “Sure you are, princess,” you say, but she’s already wiping what remains of her lipstick off, and looking down at her you find that you really, really can’t refuse.
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dice-sociation · 4 months ago
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AP Review: Reckless Attack - Main Campaign
Listen Here: https://www.recklessattack.com/episodes/
Quick info:
Audio Quality: High Quality and Edited, Effects, Music. Vibes: Lord of the Rings, Ghibli, Never Ending Story, Avatar the Last Airbender, Frogs Extras: Discord and Patreon rewards. System: 5e DnD Average Episode time: 1 hour Uploads 1 Episode per week. Campaign/ Show Length: Long Term Campaign Platforms: Podcast, Audio Only. Accessibility: Content Warnings Language available: English Diversity: AAPI/BIPOC Number of Episodes Review is based on: 100 (This is my first review so I decided to start with a Podcast I’m already caught up on) ** If you want the TLDR, scroll to the bottom of the post **
Why Reckless Attack?
I honestly believe that part of the draw of listening to people play a TTRPG is not just the story telling but an assurance that adults can somehow actually and consistently come together, in person, to pull off a full long term game. Reckless Attack is one such podcast. They are a small indie podcast with excellent audio quality and editing. 
But, why should you listen to another high fantasy podcast? Well, have you ever wanted to see what a post-apocalyptic High Fantasy world would look like? The deeper you delve into Reckless Attack, the deeper the lore gets, and we have barely scratched the surface a hundred episodes in. You’ll join the players as they explore a world recovering from an apocalyptic event, ripe with magic and unstable artifacts, an undead army, and frogs.
Starting The Pod
Right out the gate, the listeners are greeted by a Lord of the Rings style opening monologue, giving relevant history and context to the kind of place the characters live in. I personally get the feeling a lot of the world was established in a previous game or between the DM and players prior to the start of this campaign. If, as a listener, it feels like you're missing something, don't worry; you'll get a lot more context down the road, especially once the players make it to the city of Agmar (Episode 15). The first 15 episodes are a nice slow build up. 
Conveniently, the first recap episode covers Episode 1-14! (Though I really enjoyed the first 14 episodes, I know not everyone has the amount of listening time I have). If you are so inclined to start from the first episode, you'll get nicely eased into the characters and their relationships with one another before a lot of the bigger world building really starts to soar.
(My one caveat is that I listen to this podcast at 1.3-1.4 speed since the players and Nathan speak with a good amount of pauses, and that can be a little too slow for me.)
About the Team
Nathan, the DM for the main campaign, paints some amazing pictures of his homebrew world. He has a real talent for creating larger than life NPCs and Big Baddies for his players to interact with. They all have clear motivations, flaws, and personalities that truly rounds out the overall story. When it comes to plot, Nathan kept me on my toes with plot twists that would literally snap me out of whatever multitasking I was doing. And I must recognize how often Nathan opens the floor for the players to build parts of the story and describe longer stretches of downtime. Those moments are like the equivalent of cinematic montages to represent the passing of time.
The players, Sophie, Steve, David, and Jonathan, deliver wonderful descriptions and leave plenty of space for each other to speak, balanced with just the right amount of crosstalk. Each character has a very unique voice which is helpful for listeners (especially because David and Jonathan are twins and have similar voices).
Sophie plays Valeska Carter, the Human * Cleric. "Valeska is a young woman in search of answers. Like, compulsively."* I quickly fell in love with Val, an exhausted nerd who can never have enough notes and organization. If you're the kind of person who is always rescuing animals, you will love her too. 
Steve plays Selv Asterlin, the Dragonborn Monk. "Selv’s years at his town’s icy mountain monastery has trained not just his body, but also his mind and emotions. The large dragonborn seeks to be a peacemaker in conflicts, exuding strength, calm and serenity while straying away from violence and lethal force when possible."* But don't be fooled, Selv is often one for the occasional good prank, and I always appreciate Steve's references even when the rest of the group don't understand them. (I got you Steve) 
David plays Kascorin "Kass" Brightmane, the Dwarven Warlock. "Tomorrow (Kass leaves) this city for the Golden Tree adventuring guild, and in leaving this city, (He leaves his) friends, (his) family, and (his) comfortable life behind."* Kass is very grounded, serious, and focused, until he runs into tasty dried meats. Kass has all the charm of a warlock and the grit of a soldier. 
Jonathan plays Checkers, the Gung Druid, with his trusty pals Mango and Junior. "Joining the Golden Tree adventuring guild on a dare, Checkers and his frog pal Mango are here to prove that it’s better to find your own path than to follow someone else’s. After all, where’s the fun in looking before you leap?"* Checkers is a lot like the characters I personally play. Someone who doesn't stand around for too much planning and prefers to "leap" into action. In my very humble opinion, every group needs an instigator. 
I have also come to really admire the level of trust and respect the group has for one another. They handle both wonderful whimsical beats as well as solemn moments with great care (Episode 108 was magnificent.)
*Quoted from the official Reckless Attack website. You can find this and more at their website www.recklessattack.com. (Be aware, reading the available character sheets may contain spoilers)
About the World
Ryxia is built on a world where long ago, the Gods walked among mortals, but one day they left. As if in consequence, magic in this world seems to ebb and flow, and monsters roam the wilds. Until, the "second of Ryxia’s twin suns disappeared from the sky, the Ultragiants appeared, and the Pentarchy’s great capital city of Narhasur was turned into a smoldering crater." *
You can think of the Ultra Giants as the Titans of this world, being elemental and colossal. These Ultra Giants terrorized mortals until one day, the mortals managed to kill one " wielding their city’s Object of Focus… The object was destroyed, as was much of the army. But strangely, within days, the Ultragiants no longer stalked Ryxia."*
As the mortals re-emerged, they started to rebuild despite the incredible amount of monsters who now roam the lands. 
*Quoted from the official Reckless Attack website. You can find this and more at their website www.recklessattack.com. (Be aware, reading the available character sheets may contain spoilers)
Extras
Aside from the main campaign Nathan has his own series called Reckless A-Talk. This series Nathan or others on the team interview incredible people from all over the TTRPG space. Nathan's style of interviewing is mostly allowing his guest to speak more than he does, followed by the wonderful lightning round questions. I highly recommend listening to these (as a little treat) if you are interested in learning other perspectives and other aspects of the industry. 
Bonus one shots are another part of Reckless Attack, allowing the players to take the reigns.  They serve as fun filler for when you just can't wait for the next episode to drop. 
And if that's still not enough content for you, you can always subscribe to their Patreon for even more content, including the very relaxed Reckless A-Snack.
TLDR
High Fantasy world rebuilding the world after mortals were nearly wiped out.
Listeners will get a good feel of the world within the first 14 episodes. (IMO, the pacing starts to pick up after Episode 14)
Here are "Tale Til Now," recap episodes for those who want to catch up faster. (Episodes 1-14, 14-42, 42-66, 67-84)
Non Player Characters are larger than life, with clear motives and personalities.
The Dungeon Master and Players share a lot of world building and you can feel the love and trust they have for each other.
Recommended listening at 1.3x-1.5x speed if you are one of those people (you know who you are).
Find more details about the world and characters at www.recklessattack.com.
Lots of extra content for those who just need more, including; interviews, one-shots run by the players, and patreon bonus content. https://www.patreon.com/recklessattack/home
Do you have ideas or suggestions? Please feel free to comment!
Special thanks to Artax of Who's Taking Watch for helping with editing!
No Context Spoilers:
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opttwoodrow · 3 months ago
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The Ballad of Bighole
Prelude
The Myth of Magnaformus, known to locals as 'The Ballad of Bighole', is a retelling of the events of the Bighole gangwar of late M41. This gang war, while not more than a footnote in the annals of Necromundan history, became legend among the drudges of the House of Iron, eventually being turned into the eponymous ballad sung by road gangs across the planet as they traveled the ashroads. Here follows its inciting incident:
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Vivian Merdena is missing, and gang warfare is kindling throughout Bighole. Nobody knows for sure where she has gone or what has happened to her, but everybody has heard a rumour or two and has an opinion to share
Some say she wasn't happy with a stationary life and has run off with a Roadboss to live life on the roads of Necromunda. Others say that a Delaque assassin put her down in one of the cavernous ore silos that dot the upper levels of Bighole. And furtive whispers are passed that she is making a move against her father, laying low to bait him into an ambush.
But no matter the cause of her disappearance, it has left a power vacuum that gangs of every house are scrambling to fill. From the lowest flooded sump level to the highest enforcer compound, all have something to gain from the coming anarchy. And all the while, a strange signal has been detected emanating from the toxic depths of the pit, could this have something to do with Vivian's disappearance, or could it signal something more esoteric is afoot? Is this the start of a new golden age or the first signs of rust tearing into the settlement of Bighole?
The Ballad of Bighole is a Necromunda 2017 Dominion campaign with narrative elements set in Magnaformus, a settlement carved into the side of an ancient pit mine north of the Primus Cluster, known by the locals as Bighole.
This campaign features 4 players and their gangs:
The Mavens of Magnaformus- Escher
Rad Watch - Van Saar
Corpse Wives - Corpse Grinder Cult
An as yet unnamed Delaque gang (how fitting)
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This campaign is a long time in the making and really was a call to action for a different and much grander project i have used as daydream fodder for many years now. But with my regular play partner soon to be emigrating to Australia, it seemed like it was now or never for a narrarive campaign of some kind, and Necromunda was there to scratch the itch.
To show the kind of stuff i have been accumulating for the evenual dream campaign, here are some photos of my accumulated '40k adjacent roleplaying minis' featuring lots of different factions, civilians and hangers on, and a few wee beasties for good measure. There is a whole extra pile of shame dedicated to this project that will remain unphotographed.
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So to prepare for the camapign, as its host and architect, i needed terrain. I already have plenty of 40k style terrain, but its a bit too 'ruined cathedral' for my needs. Plus to fill a necromunda board I would need much much more. Perhaps make my own out of cardboard and other crafty type mateials? Maybe, but i needed this quick as my emigree friend and I are known for our wandering eyes when it comes to big projects and i would have to learn from scratch if i was to do thia. So how was I to do this quickly, but without breaking the bank?
My plan was simple: cheap on the bulk, spend on the details. i.e TTCOMBAT MDF terrain for most of what I needed, and then a few GW kits thrown in to give it that truly 41st millenium feel. This would allow me to have a variety of terrain that could be used in different ways and would all be of a similar scale. So I got to work. I could go through all the details, but here is a photo montage of putting together and painting the core of the terrain.
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With the gangs gathered and enough terrain to play a game, we gathered arms and had a day of gaming! I shall go into detail about the test game and the 2 propper battles we played in a different post as I have run out of photos allowed in the app, but the Ballad of Bighole has officially begun!
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green-typewriterz · 1 year ago
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Can you write some angsty stuff followed by fluff. Something with Harry styles.
Basically reader being heavier and insecure had no male attention all her life. She is a big time introvert and opens up after a lot of struggle. But her life changes when Harry makes an entry.
Until I Found You - Harry Styles
Harry Styles x fem!reader Summary: You’ve never been overly confident, but then someone comes along and makes you feel things you’ve never felt Warnings: angst to fluff, body insecurity, Harry being perfect as per usual Word count: 1K words
I hope this is what you were looking for lovely! Thank you so much for requesting!
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You were no stranger to the judging stares that came with the industry you were in, fashion was a tough career as it is without everyone thinking you couldn’t be fashionable just because you weren’t thin. It’s not like you could escape it either, the main part of your job being styling overly self-obsessed celebrities who think they’re perfect and everyone else is ugly. You always tried to stay confident, posting outfit of the days and filtering out hate comments for your own mental health, but somehow some always got through and you would be lying if you said it never affected you.
You assumed this would be the same, some singer you didn’t really care enough about judging you and shitting on your outfit choices even though most of the time you put them in their own wardrobe and they were too stupid to realise they picked the clothes themselves. You walked into the dressing room to see this one particular celebrity talking with your PA who was helping him pick from the sequins you would later have to meticulously embroider.
“You must be Harry,” you spoke, walking over with your hand outstretched for him to shake, “I’m Y/N, I'm your designer!” He took your hand immediately, shaking it without breaking eye contact. He was wearing a simple short-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of ripped jeans. His hair was pushed back away from his face with a pair of brown Gucci sunglasses and he wore two necklaces, one made of pearl and the other a cross.
He smiled warmly before replying, “I know who you are. The famous Y/N Y/L/N? C’mon, you’re renowned. Thank you for taking the time to come and help me.” His voice was soft and genuine (which you will admit created butterflies in your stomach) then you quickly got to work on creating the outfit that he would wear to the Grammys. He pointed at crystals every now and then, commenting on how they’d match his shoes or his nails - which he planned to paint pink. At this current moment, they were a deep shade of blue, almost the same colour as his navy Adidas gazelles. 
You had just assumed that Harry was just being nice but - though he was being polite - he found himself unable to take his eyes off of you. He had heard about you through the endless attack of hate that you got just for looking how you look. Harry never understood it, he thought you were beautiful, often seeing photos of you and thinking of Italian Renaissance statues.
The day ended quickly and for that, you couldn’t be happier. You got in your car and cried, tears hot against your cheeks as you thought back to how you felt that day. Harry didn’t stop staring at you, at your body. You knew that most people didn’t like how you looked, but the fact that he looked at you for so long. It made you want to shrink into the floor. You were still in your car, having just stopped crying when you reached the impulsive part of your breakdowns so you got out your phone and sent a tweet.
Y/N
So fucking sick of all this body hatred in my line of work. My body is beautiful purely because it is mine and it exists, get over it.
You immediately closed your phone, knowing you wouldn’t feel regret until the inevitable negative comments came a few hours later. You drove home and collapsed onto your sofa, feeling overly proud of yourself for what you had tweeted. Well, that was until you got a text message from Harry asking if the tweet was about him. You weren’t sure how to respond, not wanting to face the problem head-on this early. But, deciding it could only get worse, you replied.
Y/N
So?
There was no reply for a while, then:
Harry
We need to talk this through in person. Meet me in St James’ Park. Please. - H
You froze. No one had ever done this before. You knew that it was getting late, but something was drawing you there so you grabbed your coat and a pair of gloves before rushing out the door, the park only being a five-minute walk from you.
You debated walking up to him, standing there hoping he would keep his eyes on the sunset so you could just turn around and go. Of course that didn’t happen. “Y/N. I wanted to apologise for today. I sincerely promise I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” 
You crossed your arms, staring into his bright eyes. “Cut the shit. I have gotten the same treatment from every other celebrity I’ve worked with Harry. Each one thinks they're better than me because they have every person's dream body.” You spoke, your words creating a mist in the cold.
He shook his head and stepped closer. “I promise you. That’s not what I was thinking.”
You scoffed, looking away from him as you unfolded your arms. You didn’t believe him even though deep down you wanted to. He took your hands suddenly and you met his gaze again, his eyes filled with an emotion you’d never seen before. 
“Is it so hard to believe that I find you intoxicatingly beautiful?” He asked, brows furrowed in confusion. He stepped closer again. “Everything about you, call me corny but I feel like i haven’t seen beauty like yours since I saw the statues in Rome.”
You blushed as he slowly moved his hands from your hands to your waist, his soft grip settling there as if it were the place it was destined to be. You stared at his lips, seeing them curve into a soft smile full of adoration. He leaned in slowly, making sure you wanted the same as him. You met his lips in the cold, the taste of his mint gum lingering on his lips.
“I’ve always been crazy about you, Y/N.” He whispered as you pulled away. You rested your foreheads against one another, hands still on each other's waists. This was something you never wanted to end.
The sun had set a long while ago, but the two of you were still in the park, quietly talking as you held hands, looking at the stars from an old rickety bench. Harry liked you for both your body and your heart and that was something you thought you’d never get.
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abloomingperiod · 1 year ago
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him | kim namjoon
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"hey, you listening?" you ask as you make your way out of the bathroom and into the room your fiancé was situated.
"yes" he simply answers, voice calm and eyes and hands leaving his book to look at you.
when your eyes find his, you stop - on your tracks and your train of thought - to drink on the sight.
there he was, the reason you’re even planning and thinking about what is supposed to be the biggest and best day of your life for the last three months, since he dropped on one knee to ask for your hand - and later, to give you a glimpse of why you’ll need more than a week for your honeymoon.
there he was, hair growing over his neck - less than a mullet, just like you asked him to grow it into -, bare and pretty face, big and buff limbs glowing as the warm, small light from your lampshade illuminated them. sharp eyes, yet so calm and serene gaze expecting your next words.
speaking of them,
where exactly did they go?
“honey?” his deep voice asks with a small side grin, which you want to slap him for. does he thinks he’s helping you and your reasoning, when all you can think about is how remarkably low it is?
him, him, him. everything about him. all about him. him.
“right” you come back to earth, hands on your hips, “so... about our wedding”, you start, but can’t help and feel funny under his gaze, shrugging it off with an old, stupid joke of yours, “let’s end it off- nah i’m joking, but for real-”
as dumb as it is, it never fails to rip a small chuckle out of your sweet soon-to-be husband, and you swear to god it’s the prettiest sound in the world.
if it was possible to fall in love twice with the same person without even falling out of the first time, you’re sure his laughter would be responsible for it.
and once again, you’re standing there like an idiot, watching the other idiot that knows exactly what he’s doing when his lower lip gets pulled back by his teeth, and you feel like a teenager for the tenth time in the last 3 minutes. “...you okay, babe?”
just let your thoughts win and grab him, for god’s sake.
“i can’t keep my hands off of you” you confess, arms giving up, sighing and faking a frustrated face that could never be convincing. not when your legs are already folding and making their way onto his lap, slowly crawling with your knees to the only place you never get sick of in the world.
him, him, him. his skin, his warmth, his embrace.
everything about him. all about him.
“now why would i ever want you to do that?” he asks smoothly, hands immediately finding your waist and burning up your skin. his eyes held such a welcoming stare, you wish you could just say ‘i do’ right now and have him all for yourself ‘til your last day on earth.
“no but i do have something to say” you remember yourself and him, hands finding his waist and caressing around it - waist, tummy, chest, bones, everything you could find and paint with your own touch. “i was thinking, and maybe, we should throw a little something before the actual wedding, you know? like a pre-wedding thing”
he observes you, head slightly hanging to the side as his curiosity get to him.
“not that i don’t think it’s enough or anything!” you assure him, fingers going through his small silver chain that held your proposal ring in. “you’re gonna like this, hear me out: we probably want to drink our asses off. that’s just how we roll, right? but i know myself, and i know my limits... i’ll be straight up with you: i don’t think my insides can take cake, korean food and alcohol the way i wish it would.”
and there it is, one more laughing sound of his, but this time, a louder, bigger one.
the dumbass is laughing at your costs, now.
“you really can’t function outside of the ‘8 or 80′ style, can you?” his right hand flicks your forehead lightly “dumbass.”
“pardon? i didn’t ask for a funny tummy and i certainly don’t want it messed up at my own wedding. that’s a huge ass reason to throw a small something a few days before!” you interject, quickly pinching his sides, earning a cute squirm from him. “plus, i don’t wanna be bloated when i’m wearing my wedding dress.”
with that, he just stares at you for a second, and lets out a fair question as his eyes narrow at your intentions, “you’re not plotting this just because of that, are you?”
another thing you could easily hold accountable for a second fall for him: his caring.
handling and watching you more intently than yourself, sometimes.
god, it’s almost embarrassing how much you love this in him.
“no. and you know that. i really do have a suck ass stomach, you’ve seen how bad it gets” you say, easing his sudden seriousness, and with that you smile at him “plus, i want other korean stuff turning my insides out...”
he interrupts you with most delicious laugh you’ve heard in a long time - since the last time he laughed this hard (last than a day before). “ “god, you’re gross! okay, i see your point.”
“i knew you would. now, this can be very s-small,” you get into the details of your plan and his hands betray his incredulous gaze, as they travel down to the small of your back and rest on your ass, softly caressing it an earning a small tremble in your voice. “less than 20 people, your closest friends, my closes friends, a bar with at least 5 of the 10 drink options we’re having in the menu... we can bring the same flavor of cake...” your eyes keep scanning his beautiful face and the loving eyes he gives you, admiring the thought you put behind your little plan. “we can even wear a tie and a small veil! so everybody knows about it! who knows? maybe we even get a free drink. gotta milk our options out, baby.”
at that, you expect him to give you one more nice chuckle, or even a light slap on the butt, but he decides not to. instead his hands press you against his own lower body, and his plump lips attach themselves to the side of your neck. you let out a small sigh followed by a light chuckle “i’m serious!”
“i know you are” he defends himself, lips travelling north to your jaw and cheek, leaving hard pecks, making you smile like you’re high “you’re irresistible, that’s all”
you know for a fact he felt your pulse stumbling, fumbling and failing as his lips kept kissing you.
“enough for you to say yes?” you take advantage of his sweet words.
“i’m marrying you, isn’t that enough of an answer?” he asks, facing you with the most whipped out smile you’ve ever seen. “sure. anything for you.” you smile wildly at him, heart throbbing and lips mumbling a small ‘thanks’ as you peck his lips. “i can search for that bar, too.”
god, why is he so freaking him?
of course he can.
“yeah?”
“yeah.” he responds, smile never leaving his mouth, cheekily giving you his trademark wink along with it.
“you..... ugh!” your hands tangle ins his hair and your lips attack his just like you did when he proposed to you. your kiss is urgent, desperate even, and still, he manages to laugh against it. he pulls you flush against him, chest to chest and heart to heart, hands dancing around your ass.
you could never get sick of this place.
“fucking love you. can’t wait to put this ring on your finger” you pull back and confess, lips ghosting his as you watch your hands travel back to his chain.
“you and i both” he agrees, eyes and hand mirroring yours, gasping a bit. “can’t wait to see you in that dress” fingers caressing your whole torso: spectrum, under-boob, ribcage, waist, “and take it off.”
oh, are you longing for that honeymoon.
“and you will” you peck him again, “‘cause now i don’t need to care about my tummy”
his laughs fills your room and your eardrums with the most beautiful sound you can point out. his head fall back to the wall behind and his eyes close, and you wish you could have this sight and this sight only for the rest of your life.
“yes, your tummy is well taken care of”
“and that’s for you, too. i need my newly husband a hundred percent conscious and collected for the after party”
he lightly tsks at you "if i were you, i’d wish the opposite” he slowly grabs your ass and kisses the back of your ear. god, he feels like a delicious poison. “plus, i don’t think i can stay collected after watching you down that aisle.”
“you and i both” you repeat his words, head resting on his shoulder. “thank you, i owe you one.” and leaving a small kiss on his jaw.
“show me the dress?”
“never.”
“but i’ll search for the bar.”
“you did that on yourself.”
he jokingly scoffs and mumbles a small ‘fine’, and you fall in love with him all over again.
“but i’ll give you a hint. it’s white.”
“shut up.”
“make me.”
and he looks down at you, small smirk painting his face.
“yeah? wanna pay it back now?” he asks mischievously, as his finger trace your lower lip.
“i just might” you respond, kissing his thumb. his eyes hold a darker tone, and as your bodies almost mold into one with the proximity you’re in, you can feel just how much he might want it.
“...still wanted to see that dress, though.” he jokes, and you return to your position facing him, lightly slapping his rigid chest. he catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, softly kissing it, and travelling to the back of your hand.
“that gives bad luck, dumbass.”
as he keeps kissing your knuckles, his other hand ghost over your thigh, enticing you and making you shiver deliciously.
because that’s what he does. namjoon makes you stumble, tremble, flutter, shiver and fall.
him, him, him.
everything about him. all about him.
“you’re all the luck i need.”
him, him, him.
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fipindustries · 5 months ago
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Leí en una pregunta que aprendiste a animar de forma autodidacta. Yo quiero aprender también y quiero saber cómo fue tu experiencia. ¿Que libros recomiendas? ¿Que herramientas usadas cuando aprendías?
im going to respond in english because this might help others too. also i should let you know, i can only give you tips for doing hand drawn, frame by frame, 2d animation. i really dont have the faintest clue how to do puppet rigging, interpolation, or 3d modelling at all. that is just not the branch of the skill tree i chose to specialize in.
my history
i started animating when i was 6 by reading a children's magazine that promised me to teach me how to do cartoons "like the ones you see on tv". it taught me how to make small animations with just power point and ms paint. (it also taught me to never ever trust something that sounds too good to be true and is sold to everyone for cheap).
much much later, when i was around 15, after i got a proper tablet to draw digitally, i figured how to use photoshop to animate mainly by fucking around with the program and checking some tutorials on the internet.
then when i was 19 i actually bought a simple book called "the animator's handbook" by tony white, where i was able to learn the basics of ease in and out, curves, overlapping animation, follow through, anticipation, line of action, etc. that is when i started properly learning how to animate the correct way.
i tried to learn how to animate on flash by following the video tutorial series by harry partridge, and that gave me a few basic pointers but at the time i had a really really really shitty genius tablet that kept breaking all the fucking time and also the drawing tools in flash were extremely limited and i didnt like how it vectorized your lines, making it so that you never had full control of how the final drawing was going to look, so i ditchad that rather quickly.
for the longest time i kept using photoshop to animate, it wasnt until i was 26 that i moved on to clip studio paint, got a simple wacom intuos and started using "the animator's survival kit" by richard williams as a guide.
begginer's advice
before we get deeply into it i would suggest you get some passing skill at drawing. many people say that you dont need to be a good artist to be an animator and while its true that you dont have to be the greatest artist that ever lived or have a super developed style or anything, having some basic training will be a powerful multiplier to your animation skills. although in fact you dont need to be that great an illustrator, what you really want to be is a draftsman. that is to say someone with the pulse, the muscle memory and the eye to replicate a drawing, do straight lines and clean curves. esentially is more important that you can do the exact same drawing a thousand times and rotate it and move it around the page keeping proportions than you need to draw beautifully. also you NEED to know anatomy. in order to be good at depicting the human body moving you have to have a good understanding of how the body is put together in the first place.
so yeah, get the animator's survival guide by richard williams, that is step one. im not being any kind of radical by suggesting that, is like recomending the human figure for all its worth by andrew loomis. you gt that book and its going to explain to you all of the most basic rules, mechanisms and techniques to get to animating. there is going to be a lot of outdated advice there about animating on paper with the old tools of the trade on an animation studio. a lot of it is superfluous now with digital tools tbh, but the fundamentals of actually creating sequential images are still rock solid.
i would also recomend walt disney's "the illusion of life" which is centered more on the overall general rules for good appealing animated character without getting too bogged down into the actual intricacies of animation.
and as always, you have the entire accumulated knowledge of generations upon generations of humans called "the internet". there are a million guides and tutorials online that are eager to teach you all the good fndamentals and techniques you need to get started, dont be afraid to consult time and tme again for any doubt, i still do that myself!
now as for the tools.
you want a tablet, any basic nice tablet will do. you dont need the latest cintq or whatever in order to do this, im doing well enough with my little black intuos. you could also do it on an ipad or you could even do it on your phone.
then for software, there are a million options, opentoons, toonboom, procreate, flash, etc. again, i use clip studio paint. its basic but its powerful, it has really good illustrating capacity and its a good introductory tool. each software has its own use peculiarities but once again there are a thousand tutorials online explaining each one.
i have all this, now what?
start small. the books i suggested will throw a million bouncing balls and sacs of flour and rotating cubes and people walking and you should do all of those, for sure. but also you are doing this because here are things you want to express! you want to draw the fun shit! the anime girls and the sexy furries!
start with a single character you like turning their head. that is a good begginers exercise. or maybe try a simple idle animation for a videogame sprite, just someone bouncing in place. after that you can start tackling more ambitious stuff
jesus there is so much more i could explain right now, how to plan for a project, how to manage your workspace, how to set up a pipeline, going from script to thumbnails to storyboard to keying to inbetweening to editing and etc. camera framing, composition, timing, writing and so much more! but i think this is a good place to stop at
dont hesitate to come back to me if you have any more questions
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daniel-profeta · 2 years ago
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top 10 songs of all time?
Changes everyday, but in no particular order some of my more consistent favorites are:
The front bottoms - Twin Sized Mattress
Car Seat headrest - Kimochi Warui *so many options here, but to pick one from this band...*
Tool - Lateralus
The Mountain Goats - Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton
Phoebe Bridgers - I Know the End
Elliott Smith - King's Crossing
AJJ - People II The Reckoning
At this point I started to think harder about the songs that have meant the most to me throughout my life and as I've gotten older. For example, I like a lot of Bright Eyes songs more than First day, but that song has had way more impact on me. I play it all the time, the lyrics are permanently imprinted in my mind, and to me it's one of the most beautiful and vulnerable love songs ever written. With that in mind more and more "important" songs started coming to mind.
8. Alex G - Forever 9. Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life 10. Johnny Hobo - New Mexico Song
Now I have ten, that was easy.
Except...
I remembered that one Demarco song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. Got to include that. How many times have I listened to the Glow pt 2 during the summer? How could I leave off something from Porcupine Tree, the band that I once considered my favorite band of all time? So I kept going, through names and bands that I collect like emotional trophies, not wanting to leave anything out. They all mean so much, it's honestly pathetic. I used to hyperfixate on things like Zelda and Star Wars, then I found this shit and my brain chemistry has been altered ever since.
11. Mac Demarco - Moonlight on the River 12. Mitski - Texas Reznikoff 13. The Microphones - I Want the Wind to Blow 14. Pigeon Pit - Nights like These 15. Radiohead - Exit Music 16. The Crane Wives - Never Love an Anchor
Funny how quickly a song can feel like home. That Crane Wives song technically shouldn't even be here, I only heard it for the first time a few weeks ago. Yet maybe listening to it 30 times since qualifies it for consideration. Phoebe Bridgers has a lyric in one of her songs about wishing she had written something instead of the original artist, but she can't cause they said it first. So instead she'll learn their song and sing until the feverish inspired feeling fades away in a voyeuristic catharsis.
I think about that line constantly. Also quickly want to mention here that I'm more of an album guy. I try to listen to full records to try an experience the full piece of art the creator made. So while no song off The Downward Spiral is on my list of favorite songs, that was and is one of the most impactful albums to me as a teenager.
17. Porcupine Tree - Arriving Somewhere but not Here 18. XTC - Dear God 19. Wilco _ I am trying to break your heart 20. NIN - Burn 21. Lucy Dacus - Night Shift 22. Haley Heynderickx - Oom Sha La La 23. Swans - New Mind
Swans was hard, because there were a few songs that meant a lot to me. But ultimately there wasn't one more visceral or frankly more evil sounding than New Mind. Love the themes, love the singing style, love the backing yells, love the industrial outro, love the faint organ, love everything about that damn song.
The list kept getting longer, and for each song I was writing a paragraph to explain my choice lol. After the first like 15 I decided to stop doing that for the sake of your eyes and for risk of sounding redundant. But a major thing I love about some of these songs are how inspirational they are. Twin Sized Mattress, Denton Metal Band, Story of an Artist, they all paint a picture of the type of person I want to be. The type of art I will always support. The thing I hope to one day inspire in other people.
When you punish a person for dreaming their dream don't expect them to thank or forgive you. The best ever death metal band out of Denton, will in time both outpace and outlive you.
Those words could honestly save someone's life, it's crazy.
24. A Perfect Circle - Three Libras 25. Deftones - Rosemary 26. Frank Ocean - Ivy 27. November Suite - The Tower 28. Daniel Johnston - Story of an Artist 29. Sloppy Jane - Jesus and Your Living Room Floor 30. Big Thief - Not 31. Tyler the Creator - Boredom 32. Duster - The Landing 33. The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning 34. The Voidz - Human Sadness 35 - 108. System of a Down - (every song) 109. Death Grips - Beware
Okay, threw these and now dozens more names are crowding my brain, and this incredibly pretentious post must come to an end. Long story short, I only have one song left to share, but each of these song has a very personal connection to me. Certain ones (like that tool song) actually changed the way I look at the world and helped me through dark periods of my life.
Many of them inspire me, some of them are just beautiful in a broken and real sorta way, and all of them feel human. The art represents something bigger than itself and the ambition knows no bounds. These songs changed my world for the better, and if you read this you are now obligated to listen to all of them.
I could ramble about music till the end of time:)
finally 110. 100 Gecs - Money Machine
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