#there is no solution. apathy is understandable i get it but what does that mean for us? for the children who will grow up in this world?

[twisted-wonderland-memories]

A wish you want?

Azul Ashengrotto x Stoic/Apathy! Reader (not Yuu) Genre: Fluff

Summary: You got yourself into a contract, and yet the contract doesn't seem that interesting and yet you just casually agreed to it to find a purpose...even if the contract is broken.

-

-

-

"With this contract, I will grant you the wish to have a purpose~ So What will you say?"

"..."

And this is how you got yourself into a strange situation, being part of the monstro lounge but something is very odd about you.

You are a normal person who is in the dorm of Ignihyde, Blending into the shadows despite having decently good grades, normal stable life, and a good amount of magic (almost similar to Riddle in a way) but there is one catch.

Apathy is the main reason why you show much of your own pride to others, because of that a few people purposely mistaken you for a weak mage even tho you are mainly the opposite, but that is right besides the point.

For some odd reason (before Azul's overblot) you seem to notice Azul making a contract with the others. Getting exam answers perfect to a tee just to win at the first place, if failed to meet the terms they are now employees till they graduate. At first it seem to be a desent thing to like and accept but for others they would complain cause not only they would be forced to obey but their own unique magic is taken away.

But to you.... this is unique.

One day you decided to make a deal with Azul.

"So you want a purpose?"

"Yes... A purpose to find meaning."

This is something that Azul is not prepared, he has the wish solutions prepared and all that being made and ready but your own wish is unique and is hard to fulfill it. But Azul is never back down from a challenge and got a bit too confident to help you with your wish. Thus the both of you did sign the contract, but even after the events of Azul’s overblot you are still here in the Monstro Lounge as a staff member cleaning the place up.

And Azul does mentally admits that your wish is pretty hard to achieve, he can achieve others’s wishes easily but not this.

If he needs to grant your wish in a effective way…

“(y/n)-san, pardon the intrusion. May I had a work with you on your wish?”

“Hm? What is it, Azul?”

“I can understand the term of your wish, but I do have one question. What type of purpose or desire do you prfer?”

When Azul as you that question, you paused yourself. Even he too didn’t know the meaning of your wish, “I….” Staring at your own hands you shrug as Azul stares at you, he too was wondering himself, “Still no answer?” He asked as you nod sadly, “I understand, thank you for answering my question, (y/n)-san.” And yet he did not treat you badly, unlike before he did not grant your wish but now it would seem that answering your wish is his newest challenge.

Ever since that awkward question, Azul decided to have an idea. Gathering up the courage he decided to search up your conditions and evenly asked the Leech twins to keep an eye on you, but once the research has been set. Azul soon understands why you don’t hold a grudge against him when he did put you on a pressure in the Monstro Lounge, with the new found knowledge in mind Azul has an idea.

If you can’t find a purpose, why don’t he hang out with you to find your purpose with him.

Surely it can work so easily well.

But as a result, Azul did not realize one thing…

Thanks to the hangouts for almost everyday, he grew closer to you to the point that he realize he is in love with you slowly. You are a good listening to him especially when you also accepted him just the way he is, you help him out in Floyd’s place everytime his mood is bad, and most of all your support is what got him to enjoy your presence more. Because of that he loves you and your company, it gives him less stress and reassurance that things will go well, and yet he is scared that you won’t understand his feelings.

And yet he was not aware that he got successful in fulfilling your wish.

One day, you were about to head back to your dorm and call in for the night till Azul decided to come see you and invites you over to dinner with him here for free, it was delicious and yet you feel a bit guilty knowing that he just did it to make you happy. But as a result….

“Azul….”

“Yes?”

“Can you give me your hand?”

Azul hesitated for a second till he obliges, gently taking his hand and removing the gloves you give him a kiss on the hand which caused him to blush. Once you pull away you smiled at him.

“Thank you Azul. For fulfilling my wish.”

[bioethicists]

hm i really hope that someone has said this better than me but the betterhelp ads (specifically the video ones, as the podcast ones tend to be less scripted) are such poignant examples of alienation + the role of 'go to therapy' in perpetuating that alienation. keep in mind that, if you personally found a therapist who is genuinely healing for you + that therapist happens to be through betterhelp- i'm genuinely happy for you + that experience does not invalidate anything i have to say below! (but jsyk they're trying to sell your shit to facebook lol)

starting strong w/ the fact that betterhelp is essentially the uber of therapy (aka using an independent contractor model which is harmful + predatory towards its providers), rushing in to fill the market on largely uninsured and/or uninformed ppl who want the ease of a concierge system without the cost + lacks a meaningful supervision system (which led to one gay man being recommended a conversion therapist when he asked for someone to help with his identity struggles, btw!). smarter people than me have written about the ways in which these trendy independent contractor apps strip people of labor rights, fail to provide adequate wages, + in the case of healthcare apps, increase digital surveillance + decrease accountability demanded from providers while exploiting the failure of the US healthcare system in order to churn a profit w/o actually creating sustainable, equitable change.

the betterhelp video ads all circle around a theme- a millennial starts talking about some form of emotional pain or worry, usually relatively standard existential worries ("do you ever think nothing has meaning?") or life worries ("i hate my job" "i think i'm gay"). their friends or the ppl around them respond blankly + coldly, looking at them like they're crazy. while i understand these ads are supposed to be tongue in cheek, they demonstrate the crushing reality of our alienation from one another- the solution to your friends responding to your evident pain with confusion + apathy is to confine that pain to a therapy session! nobody wants to hear your struggles or understands them- come generate profits for us by facetiming a newly graduated 24 year old who can barely make rent!

this theme fits well with what already put me off about betterhelp's marketing- their goal has never been to provide access to therapy for those who want it or to altruistically fill in some healthcare gap. their goal, bolstered by the rise in emotional suffering following, you know, the worldwide pandemic, is to generate + increase demand for therapy as a commodity. their earlier podcast ads focused on convincing others that therapy "isn't just for crazy ppl" + "everyone should be in therapy". regardless of if you personally agree with that statement, it should be evident that this is a blatant marketing tactic in which therapy is a commodity to be peddled, not an offer of support or healing. in fact, they're probably actively shying away from treating "crazy people", bcuz their flimsy support systems could not possibly handle an influx of ppl regularly in crisis or experiencing breaks with a common reality. their target audience is your average millennial under late capitalism + post COVID - anxious, lonely, vaguely depressed, unhappy with their jobs, worried + hopeless about their futures.

i'm not here to tell anyone not to get therapy. that's a personal decision + is none of my fucking business. it's about questioning the total alienation we feel from one another, such that pouring our heart our unexpectedly to a friend + being met with a blank stare is framed as "haha you need therapy" + not "it's crushing that this is how distant we are from one another". it's about a company noticing that (unfortunately very real) distance + fear of vulnerability + using that to direct our emotions into the confines of a business transaction under abusive labor conditions. it's about a world in which we are not engaging with one another emotionally (despite, or i guess bcuz of: widespread suffering, recent mass death, class warfare/untenable working conditions, increased pressure of fascist politics, generational trauma + abuse, etc etc). commodifying therapy isn't going to make that loneliness go away- it's going to normalize it.

[cepheustarot]

Will you achieve your goal? What needs to be done to achieve it?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur. You build your own life and destiny.

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: you will achieve the goal, and here I see people who have a common goal with someone, or are connected with people, with a certain person. People can also help you achieve your goal. As I see it, here some may have lost their way, find themselves in a dead end situation and the actions you are taking to resolve this situation do not help. You are in search of a solution, come up with new strategies, new plans, try to look at everything from different angles, objectively assess your situation. The cards say that in order to move on, you need to abandon the old strategy, actions that you already do out of habit or automatically and try something new for yourself. Here i am talking about the fact that you need to try something that at first glance you would consider unsuitable for yourself, like: "this is strange, not in my style, I would think about this last turn", in general, try something new, unusual for you, to go beyond the usual, that's what I mean. And just people can help you take the first steps towards discovering something new and unusual. I thought it necessary to pull card with advice for you, it says: give yourself a second chance. Perhaps you have already tried something before, but it didn't work out, so it's worth going back to it again and trying again. I understand that my explanations may sound very vague, but the tarot readings are common to everyone and I try to describe it in such a way that it fits at least most of the options. In any case, I believe in you and that you will cope and achieve success!

Pile 2: you will achieve the goal, I see that you are determined to achieve your goal. you yourself possess such qualities as intelligence, insight, accept any challengs, you are one of those whom competition and rivalry motivates, sets up to reach heights, to be better than others, than everyone else. And you need to continue to maintain this attitude in order to achieve what you want. But be careful, do not be arrogant, because competitors can get ahead of you and because of this you will fall into complete despondency, the desire to do something will disappear, you give up. It is also possible that you are a workaholic who work day and night, you do not know what rest is and therefore often burn out, which then results in apathy. But if you have already lost your attitude and are in a pessimistic state, then you should remember why you did not give up earlier, which helped you move on. remember what you have already achieved and remember that your condition is not eternal, it will pass. You will definitely achieve what you want, believe in yourself.

Pile 3: You will not reach the goal, there is a chance that the goal that you have now seems no longer relevant and you will change it to something that suits you more at this time. I took out the cards to clarify why you will not achieve the goal, and here I see that many people have this goal associated with close people with whom you have made plans. Maybe you are now going through a breakup, divorce, loss of a person, or you are disappointed in a person and do not want to have anything to do with him anymore, because you saw his other side, saw that he lied to you, did not keep promises or something like that. You could also have a misunderstanding that is difficult to resolve, because you and your interlocutor are very stubborn and cannot find a compromise. Also, someone may have a division of things, money, property, etc. by inheritance, and perhaps you did not get what you expected or did not get anything at all, although you were promised a lot. Here we can also talk about business, for example, an unsuccessful transaction took place or your investments in something did not pay off and competitors pushed you out, ahead of you. In fact, all these failures will end and what you have lost will return to you many times better, more, so try not to hang up your nose. I am sure that everything will get better in your life and you will cope with everything, you are stronger than you think.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3

[lunar-years]

also also. a lot of people are coming at Shandy for being clueless and bad at her job (true) but ignoring that (and know that I say this with DEEP love & affection for her, truly) Keeley is also... kind of clueless and bad at her job?

I don't mean bad at every aspect, obviously she's great at running PR and she proved that by a tenfold during her time at Richmond. But she is categorically not being a great boss right now. She's certainly trying really hard, but she's overcompensating and flailing and the result is that everything is not going well.

Rebecca had to tell her what a CFO is, which means she doesn't understand (i.e., hasn't taken the time to understand) the roles of her employees; She literally did not know her boss'/financier's name or that she was a woman? What? She was more concerned that Jack see her as mysterious and interesting than you know, competent and a good employee. And yes, she hired Shandy without consulting anyone, but then she's not given Shandy the supervision and guidance she clearly needs. Why was Shandy thrown into that whole Bantr campaign all by herself? (And Shandy, by the way is also not bad at every aspect of her job. She was doing well at running the shoot. Presumably she got Zava to hype up Richmond a bit on his socials. She heard 'Bantr needs more subscribers' and ran with it, but she didn't understand the assignment when it backfired on her and it is kind of coming across as...Keeley didn't totally explain it to her?)

And again this is NOT a diss at Keeley or me trying to totally alleviate Shandy of blame for her very large and questionable fuckups. I think the idea is...they are both floundering because they are both lacking the belief and support of the people around them. Keeley, I think, is very paralyzed by imposter syndrome and feeling so out of her depth that she's just... given up on some aspects of her job. Obviously her coworkers dismissed her off the bat because of how she presents herself and how they equate that to her not being professional enough or smart enough etc. This is completely awful, but it does not negate the fact that just as they don't understand her, she doesn't understand them? And she hasn't been shown to make any real attempt at connecting with them in a meaningful way.

At Richmond, she had Rebecca's support every step of the way. Now, she is isolated. Not only at work, but also in her personal life. Her only friends are both coworkers (Rebecca & Shandy) and then there's her breakup with Roy, which she hasn't had time to fully process or come to terms with because of the job.

The theme seems to mimic what's going on at Richmond right now: we can't be our greatest selves on our own. We've got Roy isolating himself as a bad solution to his problems, Ted's once resounding belief in his team giving way to like, complete and total apathy, the team misplacing their belief entirely in Zava alone, Nate's mental health plummeting now that his only "support" is Rupert. And they're going to flounder like Keeley is floundering. Like Shandy is floundering and will continue to flounder as even Keeley's faith in her wains.

We need the people around us. We need their belief. In the end, coming together is obviously what's going to save the team, but I do think the same thing will happen for Keeley at her workplace. Things are definitely going to get worse with Shandy in the interim, but I hope in the end she is able to prove that Keeley's initial belief in her was not unfounded. Just as Keeley will start to build a new support system, with (hopefully) Jack, and reconnecting with Jamie and presumably Roy, and regain the belief in herself that allows her to believe and uplift the people around her, too.

[cubile-animussy]

Serica should have been ride or die...

tbh i wish they had been more consistent about the "erica always pulls through for me" element of serica's dynamic. like Erica is a morally grey character but I wish she was less so when it came to Sarah. Erica is a good friend when she chooses to be but I think the idea of an unconditional kind of dedication to her best friend when she's otherwise double crossing and biting/killing people would make her character even better. i think her questionable actions in the movie are very important for her character transformation as they display her hunger for popularity/revenge but one thing that always really bothered me was that she never formally apologizes to Sarah for what she did (hooking up with Jesse and nearly letting Gord kill Sarah). like rewatching the film, she was such a prick 😭😭 and then for her to be excited to see Jesse when he came back was...eh to me. Although, Erica may not fully understand the ways in which Jesse ruined Sarah's life.

this plays into her pressuring Sarah to drink human blood throughout season 1. of course Erica would think that's the easiest solution bc it IS and Sarah absolutely does need to accept her vampirism if she's gonna 1) survive and 2) be happy. I think the disconnect Sarah has from Rory, Erica, and the rest of the vampire community, as well as their inability to really understand the emotional turmoil that being turned caused her and her moral objection to biting people are very important elements of the show. Like in that sense Rory and Erica don't even MEAN to alienate Sarah with their apathy but they do and it's still shitty!! What I do wish was that Erica's genuine concern for Sarah's well being was more evident. like I don't think it's that she didn't care about Sarah and what she was going through (which was what it felt like sometimes) it's just that she couldn't understand why her friend was doing this to herself. Like she knows she's DYING and she is seriously worried and wants Sarah to get better but she's unable to sympathize with the fact that she doesn't want to drink human blood.

Erica falling short as a friend bc of the real differences between her and Sarah in terms of their values is way more interesting than her just being a shallow self-centered mean girl. Sarah being the exception to Erica's egocentrism adds so much more depth Erica's character bc it solidifies the motives underneath her persona. she'll either kill you or she'll kill for you. she'd bury a body for you but she's not the best person to help you through a fragile emotional state.

[ushmakapadia]

The Cha-cha-cha that relationships can be

We all reach the “That’s it, I’m done” tipping point, in dealing with the small/ large googlies that relationships throw at us, now and again.

That stage, where we are not wiling to persist in finding a solution to a problem.

That stage, where the realisation strikes, that we’re fighting a one-sided battle, to defend someone special; making a one-sided effort to preserve a friendship gone sour, to revive an old friendship, or even to put ourselves ‘out there’ and forge new connections.

For the longest time, I believed that ALL relationships needed work, nurturing. To me; working on a relationship meant listening without judgement, making the time and space to talk, apologizing (whether or not at fault), vocally appreciating positive characteristics, demonstrating one's presence. These were all ‘correct’ behaviors; ones that were bound to ‘set things straight’.

It was only after applying this approach during most of my 30's and 40's, that I realized one big, gaping hole in it. This approach assumed that there was a shared idea of what the term 'relationship' means. It assumed shared interest, openness, willingness to treasure the relationship enough to come to the table; despite all the harsh words exchanged before or during conflict(s).

Which brought me to question��- Why are people not willing to work things out?

Not everyone is comfortable with relationships that require them to understand deep, dark sides of the other. A friend feeling low is quick bait for comments like “Get on with it!”, “It’s all in your head!”, “Does anything ever make you happy?”. Actually, this is the part of life where the seemingly ‘sad’ friend needs more than eating/ drinking/ movie bingeing/ dancing nights. They need you to feel comfortable with long silences, probing questions, unanswered texts, flaying careers, restive couch-surfing, possibly ranging upto self-destructive behaviors. Not everyone can get so intimately involved with friends. Because friends are just that - people you work, backslap, drink, travel with - all of which are 'joyful' things. The moment they cannot do any of these with you; the intimacy required feels like a burden to you.

At other times, non-willingness to work things out could stem purely from Ego. One affected party simply believes that they are not in the wrong, it isn’t their fault, so why talk and resolve? There’s nothing to resolve, in fact!

Popular culture explores Conflict-resolution around parent-child, boss-subordinate, co-workers, romantic partners, spousal relationships. But what about relationships with friends, relatives, siblings, neighbors? This skewed view of the term 'relationships', possibly makes ‘Idk syndrome’ a common barrier.

This stems from apathy towards the relationship - “I don’t know/ care anymore, he/she is just a friend, not family/ someone I'm wedded to”. There’s a jerkiness to this, which makes it extremely challenging to deal with. After all - the opposite of 'Love' is not 'Hate' - instead, it's 'Apathy'. How do you get someone who overnight decides to have nothing to do with you; to work on resolving conflicts?

June 2020

[valorxdrive]

Ophelia chuckles behind manicured hands. "Friend? No, dear boy. I had merely forgotten to reset that door's spacial coordinates." The taps the end of her staff upon the floor, a sharp sound ringing out through the room. An ornate magic circle forms in the center of the room, large enough to accommodate a small crowd, let alone Sora himself. "That is an isolation circle. Step inside, and it blocks out all ambient Mana and sounds. Inside, you won't even hear your own voice. It can be quite disconcerting. Ordinary people can be driven mad. If you are not up to it, take some time to gather yourself." She turns to face Sora directly. "When you step inside that circle, you will be able to acutely feel just how much mana you constantly leak. You must feel it, understand it intimately, and try to reign it in."

As the stave's call and Ophelia's command drew for the intricately forged spell circle, the light of it alone captured his attention, hints of what she was about to say being able to be gleaned by the senses. His wealth of battle experience was already giving him a small inkling what to relate this with, and her instructions that follow in what it does makes breakneck, bitter memories bubble forth to the surface. It was one of his most dangerous battles that held countless realms at the precipice.

Him and his best friend managed to find triumph within their boundless potential and faith.

For an instant their eyes would me, a burgeoning sense of understanding igniting with Sora's eyes as the tension hangs clear, the said details outlined serving as an outline of faith on top of caution. "Leaving only myself.. That way I can have the best means to notice, like the times I can bring my concentration to that scale." Alongside of his voice, the sound of footsteps would draw in his wake, his approach towards Ophelia's spell made clear. "Here goes nothing, let's see just how much my journey has introduced so far--"

Breaching the external components of the circle, he could viscerally feel the invisible field draw him in, eagerly enveloping his body in what feels like a weighted embrace from top to bottom. Brief as the initial sensation stirs within his veins, only then would her warnings play vividly, his eyes briefly going wide as any veritable sound found itself entirely eclipsed, all the way down to his own damn breathing and heartbeat.

Xemnas's potential for the element of Nothingness elicited a similar phenomenon, except the scale of intention was cruelly, callously more vicious in comparison. Each of those attacks were fashioned with the intent to devour emotion. It was as if his fear, his courage, anything endured from his onslaught threatened a soul to be worn down from apathy. In times like this where particular senses felt threatened by the void, as always, Sora's focus centered onto the Heart.

It managed to be the grail of his might and his safest bastion during hectic trials. With this wave of growing calm being embraced, only then could his sky lit eyes actually begin to see, leaving him mildly awestruck at the visible shroud of light like haze that practically enveloped the entire floor of this structure. This was just... power he leaked unintentionally? At such a volume no less? His mouth remains faintly agape before he begins to get his wits about him.

What he naturally understood from the beginning was this mana was a byproduct of his Heart, his Soul, a culmination of that potential blooming as a means to let his power mold into the realm of the material. Deciding to pin his goal onto that feeling, his feet would briefly edge out as his hands clenched into fist, a prolonged, unheard breath spilling from his lungs as focus came into being. At that point an issue and solution could be seen with his idea.

Despite the surrounding mana beginning to change it's rhythm, going from a lulled haze into a miniature cyclone of shimmering energy, this means also caused more mana to spill free, lashing around him wildly like flames as it did haphazardly begin to draw the energies inward.

[aspoonofsugar]

How do you think about the relationship with nao and akiyama. I thiught it's like simok and yeojin in stranger.

Hello anon!

I am sorry, but I have never watched Stranger, so I can't really comment on it.

As for Nao and Akiyama's bond, I have talked a little bit about it here and here. In short, their bond is the classic heart character meets mind character and they complement each other. Nao is the heart and needs more mind, while Akiyama is the mind who needs more heart.

Their complementarity goes back to this wonderful phrase:

“People should be doubted. Many people misunderstand this concept. Doubting people is just a part of getting to know them. What many people call “trust” is really just giving up on trying to understand others, and that very act is far worse than doubting. It is actually “apathy”.”

This phrase is at the heart of Liar Game thematically and it ends up meaning different things for Nao and Akiyama respectively.

Nao is initially an honest to a fault girl. She trusts everyone, but this means she is deep down uninterested in others. This is why she has no real relationships and when she is in troublethere's no-one she can turn to. Akiyama teaches her she should doubt others because only in this way she can truly understand them. And it is only through understanding that people can trust each other.

Akiyama is initially incredibly cynical because of what happened to his mother. He knows society is rotten and is able to navigate it because of his intelligence. He is so good at it, he can bring a company to its knees thanks to his intelligence. So, he definately does not need to doubt people more. However, in his pain and quest for revenge, he has forgotten the final objective:

To believe people is to doubt them. And so, doubt should lead to trust. For a long time, now Akiyama has just stopped himself at the doubt part, like all the other LG players. People trick each other because they are liars and greedy and bad. If I don't trick, I'll be tricked, etc. Nao makes instead another step. She wants to believe in others, so she learns to doubt them. And in this way, she reminds Akiyama what trust really looks like.

In short, they are initially 2 opposite extremes:

To doubt everything, or, to believe everything, are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.

Henri Poincare

Akiyama doubts everything, while Nao believes everything. However, Nao believes in Akiyama, who in turns decides to believe in her and this starts a virtuous cycle which becomes able to change the whole course of the LG. As for Nao and Akiyama themselves, she grows smarter, while Akiyama grows happier by the end.

Thank you for the ask!

[mossiestpiglet]

I’m not really used to going through the same process as one of the characters while watching a show which is likely one of the reasons why this show has a strangle hold on me, but I feel Ed so goddamn hard in ep7. That crushing disappointment when you realize that the thing you thought would finally keep the Boredom at bay forever isn’t going to? Being reminded once again, again and again, that the boredom is inside of you? That you’ll never be able to get away from it? There’s a reason the last episode is titled Wherever You Go, There You Are, and I fucking hate it, because my stupid brain is watching this show and knowing that’s the point and still saying shit like “if you became an actor you’d never be bored” “take up screenwriting and your life will be interesting forever”. And watching Ed have to realize he can’t run away from this is so uncomfortable because I have to deal with the fact I can’t run away from this too, I have to deal with it every day and because of whatever cycles of the universe control my episodes, I have to deal with it especially hard right now.

Existential Boredom is not a common symptom of mental illness to see portrayed in media, I don’t really know why, but Ed is the first character I’ve seen struggle with it so seriously. Even when something like apathy is portrayed it’s usually toned down or confused a bit with sadness or rushed over, shown as someone just going through the motions instead of showing what it actually feels like to be in the depths of the Boredom. So deep in it that everything becomes justifiable as a means to escape it, a bleakness with teeth that you’ll feed anything to so that it doesn’t sink those teeth into you. And Ed’s character makes so much more sense with that as his motivation. Of course he wants to meet this Gentleman Pirate, it’ll be a nice diversion. Keep him entertained for a few hours or days. Of course he wants to stay with Stede and learn to be fancy, the man is fucking crazy, that’s could be endless entertainment! Of course he lets Izzy go, Izzy used to be entertaining, but the boredom would come back when Izzy was around so clearly Izzy wasn’t the solution, and so far Stede has been keeping the boredom at bay, so if Izzy is a threat to Stede, then Izzy has to go. The boredom starts to creep back in, so he starts to snap at Stede and get irritable, but Stede understands Ed’s need for interest to an extent because Stede has it to a lesser extent too. So even though the boredom is there, at the edges, Stede can keep it from totally sinking it’s teeth in. But then Jack shows up and jack is SO entertaining and pushes the boredom away completely for a day at least and it feels so good that Ed can’t help but be drawn in by it, be swayed by it, and so he does things he wouldn’t otherwise if the boredom wasn’t there, if Jack wasn’t the one fighting the boredom away for him, and that ends up driving him away from Stede. Choosing the Act of Grace at least something new, and he’s back with Stede at least who was so good at being diverting and entertaining and understanding his need for interest. And when he suggests escape, it’s not back to their past lives, but to something new again, always a new adventure, forever new and interesting.

[thedeviljudges]

the devil judge + the seven deadly sins

so, i made a gifset about who i thought falls under the seven deadly sins. and also shameless plug - please go reblog the gifset i made for this. took me ages to do.

but i figured i might as well make a meta post to correlate. so this is that post. it’s not everything i could discuss. i could be here for hours more, truth be told. but i hope it’s enough to chew on.

while i feel like a lot of these are going to be a no-brainer, i still want to talk it through because idk. i can, and i want to, and i feel like it, lmao.

gluttony

the elite are privileged and have an opportunity to indulge so much more than the general public, but in many different ways. this is shown throughout the show in the fact that they can indulge on luxury food, have political power, they can make a phone call or snap their fingers and everyone must follow their orders.

and the thing about gluttony is that there is always more to be had. you take a little and then realize it’s not enough and so you ask for more. case in point: in episode 11 when sunah suggests that yohan could be the new president, the current one gives her an alternative: dictatorship. because it wasn’t just enough for him to be an actor and the presiding president.

you’ll also know they turn in on themselves - the two other guys in the elite group. one who owns the company and the other dude - i really cannot remember their names and what they do, but y’all know who i’m talking about. it was so easy for them, when threatened, to fabricate documents to give to yohan about each other in order to get ahead. gluttony is only shared in the relationships we have until one realizes they can take a little extra of the pie. it’s the selfishness of having all the leftovers. gluttony cannot necessarily exist without someone else’s sacrifice.

lust

i kind of had an ah-ah moment when i was talking this over with @technitango​. i was trying to decide who was going to be lust because lust is portrayed very, very differently in this show than what most of us are used to. we, of course, know sunah who lusts after a life of indulgence and riches because she equates that with respect more than actually wanting it because it’s monetarily worth something.

but then i realized the public is lust because of their need for justice. i won’t say revenge necessarily because they’re doing as they’re told when given the judge show. but we can quickly see how that evaporates into something akin to bloodlust, for criminals and people who normally get away with shit, to have their fair taste at conviction for their misdeeds. we even see it with yohan’s fanboy club - the lust that comes from adoration and dedication.

and even more so, the public is easily swayed and so is the nature of lust. it follows in the vein of needs and wants, and as soon as new information is presented, however may false, so does the wants and desires of what people want sway. how easy was it for them to turn on yohan for a split second on two occasions - on two accounts of bribery.

envy

envy, above all, is about wanting what others have because you do not have it yourself. it may not be exactly what they have, but a form of it. some people don’t necessarily want money - they want what it can by, which is time, health and material goods.

sunah is the perfect example of this. she envies respect and recognition. she talks about bright and shiny objects, and that’s true to her kleptomania tendences, but more than anything, she wants to be seen as an equal because being poor with a vastly different upbringing means she’s looked down upon by those she thinks matters.

which also begs the question why she feels the need to seek validation from people in higher statuses to begin with when she can be the exception and not the rule - form her own understanding and environment to show others that the typical way of the elite is not actually all it’s cracked up to be - to which we see when she has no one to celebrate her victory with. it’s lonely being at the top. you get to your goal you thought you wanted but then what?

more importantly, sunah also envies family, relationships and simply put, human interaction. she wants to be cared for and treasured, and she looks for that in her position of power. because then all eyes are on you. because then that’s what people care about. what she fails to see is that those eyes are just as fruitless and just as wavering. to be a leader means people loving the idea of you but not you as a person.

“people of envious nature are sometimes stimulated to seek to emulate those who have completed some great achievements and in doing so achieve something great for themselves,” according to Understanding Philosophy.

wrath

while i realize that gaon not might entirely fit the wrath trope, he certainly has his moments, and i think he’s lived with a tampered flame since his parent’s death. he just learned to briefly put it out in the form of distractions and a false sense of righteousness and justice. it isn’t until he meets yohan that someone finally gives him the okay to feel the entirety of his emotions, that lets him breath and tells him it’s okay to feel anger and hurt. and while gaon ultimately chooses not to exact revenge, his wrath is what led him to becoming a judge and walking away from his teenage crimality.

gaon transposed his wrath into seeking justice, transformed it into livelihood, and reformed his narrative so that he was no longer angry and a teen with rash emotions. it was simply redirected and never really forgotten. yohan turned that redirection back around onto gaon’s ultimate heartache. fueled with that, it became easier to justify himself and his actions.

the most pivotal moment of turning his back on this mindset is, of course, the minister’s suicide, where he takes a good look at himself and doesn’t like what he sees. at this point, gaon’s upset isn’t necessarily at yohan but at the situation in which they got themselves into. because the thing is, gaon doesn’t absolve himself from what they did. he doesn’t turn a blind eye to that and try to dismiss it. he owns up to what happened and confesses how he feels to yohan and how he has to leave for his own good, and in some indirect way, for yohan’s, too.

with yohan, his ultimately weakness, despite never admitting to it, is family. his wrath comes in the form of anger when the ones he loves are threatened. yohan lives by a moral code of loyalty because that means you won’t be abandoned, and as a child who lived with that verdict since the day he was born, it’s an ever-pressing theme of his.

thing is, wrath comes in two particular forms for yohan. again, one is family and the second is the rose-colored glasses he’s given himself in his revenge story. he’s always had a goal to presumably make right the wrong for taking away isaac, but within that, 10 years is a long time to plot revenge, to the point where it becomes so much easier to lose yourself to that, to become enraged with it and forget the initial goal all along. we see this in his inability to form the bonding moments needed with his niece and his casual throwaway comments over people’s lives - the comment he made to gaon about moving on to the next plan, and the ultimately nail in the coffin of pushing gaon to leaving him.

his fury has also led him to convince himself his own humanity is nothing short of a lie. therefore, it’s easier to justify the means to an end because of his own self-worth and self-deprecation. it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy: he even admitted to gaon’s mentor that he is an abyss. he’s referred to himself as nothing but an animal or a monster - all characteristics of despondency to survive and to justify what he’s doing. sort of like a catch 22, yohan claims he’s an animal/monster and behaves as such, but because he behaves as such, it means he’s an animal/monster.

wrath for gaon and yohan are very different yet the same. they are slow-burning, and that’s a dangerous type. it’s actually interesting when you think about the fire imagery surrounding the two of them because flames are quick to lap at anything in its wake, to destroy within a matter of minutes. and yet for the two of these men, their internal fire eats them from the inside out, painfully, until they’re almost unrecognizable to others and to themselves.

sloth

sloth was a little more difficult to pinpoint because of its characteristics. it was either the minister versus the mentor, both of which i think could work in this role. however, i chose the minister simply because she’s featured more and intertwines heavily with the plot line.

soth is a medieval translation of the Latin term acedia, meaning “without care.”

the ultimate characteristic of sloth is often identified as laziness, and while it’s easy to argue that the minister hasn’t been lazy in her ability to get where she is, she became as much when she started lying to get to her position. isn’t lying known as the easier way out? it absolves you of responsibility, of putting in the hard work, of apologizing and making things right. in the end, she had a goal and found the easiest solution to get there through her lack of responsibility for the roles she more than likely swore an oath to.

but that also translates into the other attributes of sloth: a failure to do the right thing, lack of emotions for people or of the self, and the fact that it “hinders man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of man’s undoing” according to The Seven Deadly Sins: Society and Evil.

while i think there are a lot of components of sloth that may not necessarily fit the minister, the apathy and carelessness are enough to showcase her aggression, despondency and restlessness when what little efforts she does put in do not go her way. another interesting thing to note is that many of sloth’s traits correspond with symptoms of mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. it’s an interesting thing to note given the way the minister chooses to end her life.

greed

i don’t know that jinjoo would’ve had any provocation to the limelight if it wasn’t for sunah’s direction, but she’s eager to please and wants to be useful. it’s only natural for her to want more because it’s clear she’s a career woman, loves her job and has a heart for serving the people.

but like gluttony, greed is also that little thing that plants itself and can take on a life of its own. you start looking for justifications as to why you can’t have more than what you do, and in jinjoo’s situation, she’s already overlooked through no fault of her own. and it’s not that gaon and yohan are doing it purposefully, which is what makes their neglect heartbreaking, because truthfully, they’re after the same thing jinoo is. sure, it looks different and the foundation of it is different, same with their motives. but they’re all three judges on a residing bench working to exact justice - even if all three of them have their own personal agenda. 

i don’t think jinoo fully aligns with greed, but she does want more for herself, and i think that’s only natural. you can tell she has a heart, and she’s keen not to be overlooked. this isn’t her pain point so much as it is she knows her worth and is more than ready to do what it takes to get where she wants. this, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a bad trait, but we can see how it leads to being deceived, especially for someone who’s been left in the dark for so long.

she is enticed by the glitz and the glamour of being a head judge, but you can tell she feels some remorse and guilt for those thoughts at times. i think her sense of greed is a battle within herself more than it is extremely outwardly.

pride

soohyun’s pride comes in the form of her imbalance with right and wrong. her sense of righteousness and justice is so far leaning, even more than gaon’s. it can be chalked up to her being a cop, but we’ve seen instances of this outside of her role within that agency. her pride doesn’t let her see beyond saving gaon and getting to the bottom of every mystery that comes her way.

it also comes in the form of impulsiveness and her savior complex, putting elijah in danger, for example, instead of waiting for backup. it’s not necessarily from a belief that she can fix things all on her own, but she sees injustice and immediately jumps in. another case in point is her and gaon watching yohan wreck the minister’s son’s car. she’s ready to go stop him, but gaon pulls her back, most likely because at that point, they hadn’t been observing the situation for very long to get a read on it. also the fact that at that point, neither of them truly knew yohan and his capabilities.

but as to where her characteristics come from, we simply don’t know beyond that of gaon. it’s unfortunate because we don’t have much of her backstory, so there is no real understanding why she so firmly believes in entities of regulation beyond keeping her friend out of jail. she prides herself on her work and what she’s able to accomplish, which is why it’s devastating to her to have to protect gaon by cleaning up his bloody handprint.

aristotle is of the belief that, “pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them. Therefore it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character,” from Nicomachean Ethics.

but pride for soohyun isn’t about honors or rewards. it’s for herself and her capabilities, her ability to protect gaon, and the virtues she’s set as the precedent for herself. because sometimes it’s not even about establishing morals and ethics upon yourself. it’s about feelings/intuition, logic and observation. and no, i don’t mean the feelings she has for gaon. there are things that humans do, both actions and words, that we inherently know are bad without someone telling us as much and without the rules of the world seared into our brains. there are some things we know, for a fact, are wrong to us as individuals.

for soohyun, she knows that gaon’s actions, and even her own, have consequences. from what we’ve seen, i think it can be argued that it’s really about not doing those actions to prevent an outcome - not necessarily from a place of being just and right. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand good morals/ethics, but again, we have no background of what her internal guidance actually is.

to put this in layman’s terms, we’ll use gaon wanting to stab the conman in his youth. soohyun knows it’s wrong because it will incriminate gaon and therefore she stops it. gaon’s gone to her because he sees her as a moral compass. but is her own internal navigation rooted in justice the way gaon had to find it in the judicial system, or is hers rooted in her pride of keeping gaon safe? she stops him from doing things that will get him in trouble, but is she stopping him because the action itself is wrong or because the outcome will result in undesirable consequences for the two of them?

and of course, there is a flipped argument to be had there - i’m not arguing that gaon stabbing the conman would be right or justified. but what i am saying is that for her, her worldview is the only right one, and when anyone steps out of that, even gaon, it becomes a bit of an issue: the pride she has for that is palpable.

every character indulges

truthfully, every character has at least one form of these sins rooted in their characterization. some are larger than others, but the breadth of it can be explored even further for each. and that’s what makes them more realistic and not just characters written on a page or following a linear progression of their writing deity.

the seven deadly sins are also notoriously rooted in religion. they’re also a defining feature of aristotle’s works that represent the golden mean, in which each vice is parallel to a virtue.

the devil judge is so layered, but i think at the heart of it, it’s about humanity at its core. sprinked in are the philosophies and contradictions and what it means to look in the mirror, what happens when we’re blind to seeing our true selves and most importantly, how much changes when we’re swayed by our own misgivings. it really asks us to understand nature versus nurture, that people must find a belief in something to keep them going, and how futile our hopes and desires can actually be if we’re not carefully regulating ourselves, nevermind the entities established by society to regulate us, too.

the entirety of the show genuinely begs the question as to who is truly right, who is truly wrong, and if it’s even possible to find the correct answer.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

how do you think edward would react if he was in the same truck-baseball game time loop bella was in (either if bella was in it or wasn't, whatever you prefer)

For reference, that one time Bella's stuck in a time loop.

Are we asking to make Edward even crazier than usual? Well, that will surely go... interesting places. Let's do it.

Edward In the Loop With Bella

Loop One

There Edward is, facing off with James, Victoria, and Laurent, gearing up for the fight of his life as he realizes exactly what it is James wants and is planning and then...

Then he blinks, he's in the parking lot, Bella's about to be hit by a van.

Edward panics, desperately saves her life, and has no idea what's happening. Did he... hallucinate those months? Were those his lovesick dreams of having Bella for himself?

Of course they were, he says as he drives to the hospital in Bella's car, sobbing as he listens to George Michael's Careless Whisper. For Bella, this bright, beautiful, angelic girl, could never love a beast such as him. He desperately tries to put his love for Bella out of his mind, for it can never be, what they had was a dream and nothing more.

BEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAA!

Bella ruins this noble, romantic, tragedy in two seconds when Edward enters the hospital and goes, "You're not going to believe me, but I'm from the fuuuuuuutuuuuuuure!"

Well, Edward doesn't actually like that, makes all of this a little anticlimactic. He questions her extensively, tries to convince her that she's just hallucinating, she hit her head pretty hard, but eventually gives up. Their memories seem to match up exactly, he and Bella are actually from the future.

Edward's not even sure why he's disappointed himself, yet, somehow he is.

He goes home and gets to be the one to tell the Cullens it's all fine, he's from the future, Bella is too, they're not going to kill her because Edward's in love with her, can we skip this?

The Cullens stare, Alice really doesn't know how she feels about this, but we get a similar reaction to canon. Where Carlisle says, "Alright then... I guess this means no moving."

Edward sighs, for the first time, he doesn't really feel like going to Bella's that night. He instead sits at the piano, playing Chop Sticks, wondering why he feels so despondent.

Bella loves him, he loves Bella, they're dating, he has everything he ever wanted. Why isn't he happy?

He gets to school and Bella's very clingy and seems to want to pick off exactly where they left off. She wants Edward to sit with her at lunch, she's talking about visiting the Cullens as soon as possible, she wants to go on a real date.

And Edward realizes that he doesn't have to battle with himself to stay away from Bella anymore, he's done that. He doesn't have to rescue her in Port Angeles, Bella's not going. He's not taking her to the meadow, he's done that too.

Edward's been there and done that for all of this. This isn't even a chance to redo his mistakes, if he'd really made any, because all the things he'd want to do again involve Bella who came back with him.

Edward throws himself into dating Bella, trying to shake himself loose from this strange sense of apathy. Bella doesn't even seem to notice the difference in him, something in Edward... grows a little cold.

He finds himself to returning to his plans of how best to nobly leave her. Something he always acknowledged he would do, but before looked at with reluctance. Now he actively schemes when and how it should occur.

He should wait until summer, that will be easiest on the family for the pretext of "moving", and that way he can go to Prom with Bella. She'll get over him quickly, move on with her human life, while Edward watches her from the shadows.

Bella finally starts to notice that Edward is... distant. She tries to confront him, ask what she's doing wrong, and desperately throws herself into the relationship. That just makes it worse for Edward.

The pair start fighting, Edward insists Bella does not come to the baseball game, and just then they loop again.

Loop Two

Edward's back in the parking lot, Bella's about to be hit by a van. Edward once again heroically saves her, but he feels as if he's going through the motions.

In the hospital room, neither Bella nor Edward say a word to one another, both realize exactly what has happened. After a moment of silence, Edward suggests that, perhaps, what they need is distance.

Just a few weeks apart.

Bella says nothing.

Edward consults Alice, telling her what's been happening to him, and Alice tells him that as far as she can tell nothing is wrong with time itself. Her visions work as usual, it's just that Edward and Bella's decisions have changed.

Though, not the outcomes, Alice confirms that either Bella will become a vampire or she'll die. Alice suggests, hesitantly, that if this keeps happening perhaps Bella has to be a vampire to stop this.

Perhaps that's why Alice only sees two futures. Because any future where Bella remains human, they loop.

Edward refuses to accept this in a rage. This, this cannot happen, he will loop for all eternity rather than turn Bella! HE IS NOT A TOY OF FATE!

There's a fire in Edward now, he returns through Bella's bedroom window, and restarts their passionate romance. Bella's thrilled, the love of her life has come back for her, she cries tears of joy.

For months, Bella and Edward are back in the honeymoon stage of their romance.

They loop again.

Loop Three

Bella points out that they're still looping. This is... starting to get weird. Maybe they should figure out solutions to this?

Edward says THIS IS FINE, with Alice's words ringing in the back of his mind. Bella can never know.

Too bad for him, this is Bella's first guess. Maybe, if she becomes a vampire, somehow the loops will stop. EDWARD WILL NEVER TARNISH HER LIKE THAT.

Bella is very hurt, and upset, and asks if Edward will seriously spend forever, trapped in these few months, unable to move forward rather than turn her.

Edward desperately tries to convince her that these months are wonderful. You love being trapped in this timeframe, Bella.

He romances her harder than ever, only this time, Bella's the one that's not thrilled.

She and Edward have no future. Edward would literally rather be trapped in this utterly absurd scenario, never able to move forward with their lives, rather than turn her into a vampire.

A lot of fights happen. In desperation, Edward proves that they can move forward, that this endless loop is what vampirism itself is like, where time ceases to have meaning. He proposes to Bella, they will marry.

Bella flat out says no, she doesn't want to marry, and god marry while she's still in highschool? Can she even legally get married right now?

Edward... did not expect that answer.

The pair end up on and off fighting up until the loop happens.

Loop Four

This time, distracted by his own ire, Edward forgets to stop the van. Bella is crushed, Edward and the family have to hightail it out of there to not slurp her blood off the asphalt, and Edward is horrified.

He... murdered Bella. She's dead, because he allowed petty arguments to distract him. Oh god.

To his horror, the loop keeps going, and he lives in terror that it will proceed past the baseball game. What if Bella's dead forever? What if, rather than turn her, the only other way out of the loop was her death?

Edward's an utter mess, clawing at the walls, and the family doesn't understand at all because Bella Swan is simply a girl who had a tragic death.

To Edward's horrified relief, he loops.

Loop N

Bella remembers Edward failed to save him. She does not blame him for it, but Edward certainly blames himself and there's now... a wall between them that wasn't there.

Nonetheless, they try again. This time, they'll go back to the basics.

Edward eats her in the meadow.

They loop.

Edward keeps accidentally eating her.

It's horrible and then he realizes... it doesn't matter. It never lasts, he's a monster yes, but he always was one. It seems he's doomed to eat Bella Swan. And at least he knows she'll be here tomorrow.

And if he's damned anyway then he might as well enjoy it.

He starts eating her on purpose.

Soon, they get a little routine down.

Bella nearly gets hit by a van, Edward saves her life, they go to the hospital, Edward drags her into a closet, eats her, then throws her corpse out the window and tells Carlisle she committed suicide.

Such a tragic end.

Bella starts desperately trying to save herself, but it's all over so quick, now her life is endlessly getting eaten by Edward.

Given this loop seems to be infinitely long, and thus all remote possibilities will eventually occur, there will be a timeline where Edward accidentally turns Bella into a vampire.

However, Edward can't do math, so he hasn't figured that out yet.

In the meantime, now that he's let go of all morality, he's having a great time.

... And it's probably best we leave Edward looping on his own for another post. That got long.

[sarenhale]

Just watched the Endwalker trailer.... I am super excited but also heavily thinking about the expansion, and what it will mean for Zenos as a character.

Long ass thoughts under the cut.

He’s posed as the final boss here, the big bad guy, but it made me think a lot when the game and some characters explicitly say: “Maybe Zenos isn’t even our final obstacle, the final days will be’. Which also leads me to think that Zenos is just... well, vibing and thriving in the destruction, but that he could not be the reason the final days are happening and everything is going to shit.

He sure as hell is enabling things to happen, but I don’t know if I believe that he’s the instigator and the one behind the idea. I think he’s more of the opportunist taking advantage of chaos and delirium to act his plan of the final hunt, but I think it has been made clear enough that he doesn’t exactly care about Eorzea ending or wars happening to create an intricate plan such as the one put in motion by Fandaniel, he just wants to relive the hunt with his first friend and enemy once again. (Which don’t get me started, it’s so fucking sad man, don’t make me think about it or I’ll tear up...)

This led me to think ... where will this character go? What will happen? I am VERY torn about this, mostly because SE has done an incredible job at keeping everyone guessing and surprising people everytime with the story. 

Could Zenos end up being an ally? Could he be spared? Can he come to reason? I see people even mentioning that he could be a Scion... I honestly really don’t see that happening, the man is batshit insane and as much as I love him, he doesn’t give a shit about Eorzea or helping the world, and I’m sure 99% of the Scions despise him or just want to see him dead. He won’t be a Scion, that would be really out of character for everyone. (For him to be one, for everyone to accept him as such)

But I do wonder if he will end up being spared, or changing his mind. Maybe being a ‘neutral’ force? Maybe even temporarily allying with the WoL (and only with the Wol, he doesn’t care about the others) to prevent him from dying, because he doesn’t actually want his rival and friend to die. A ‘villain turned ally out of necessity’ situation with him would be cool, and would make sense if he wanted to protect the Wol temporarily from another foe, even for just ‘being the one that has to kill / defeat them’. He’s very possessive over the Wol, I feel like.

I just hope we won’t have to kill him... he’s one of my favourite characters now, so I would honestly be DEVASTATED to see him go, even if I perfectly know he would deserve it and everyone would probably be happy if he did. But I just can’t help thinking about how much I love this character, his story, what he implies, what he represents, all the things he carries with him... I feel like Endwalker will surely give us a lot of content for him, which I am excited and happy about, but I just wish we could not kill him so we get to see more.

This is where I get conflicted because my realist side tells me we already got a fake death, even if we DID kill him, and fight him with the intent to kill. He managed to escape death though, and came back. I just think it would be a bit unrealistic to have him escape death once again, and even more unrealistic having him being an ally. One could argue we already have examples of Garlean villains turned allies, with Nero, Cid and Gaius, but like... they weren’t like this.

What I love about Zenos is also what makes him unreedemable.

Zenos is mad. Zenos doesn’t give a shit about anyone, about life, death, people, slaughtering innocents, about Eorzea, hell, he doesn’t even give a crap about the world ENDING if it means he can have a final dance with his beast. And I LOVE all these unique parts about him, but I also realize those parts are what make imagining him surviving so hard, considering the circumstances. 

Cid, Nero and Gaius weren’t mad with power. Sure, they all did bad things, but you don’t see them talking about how they just wanted to fight one person to feel an emotion and destroyed countries and people for that reason. The others had reasons behind their actions (as bad as those reasons could be, their actions were still guided by logic), Zenos doesn’t. Zenos is a feral animal and follows his istincts, that’s why I find it so hard to imagine him as someone who is not a villain. I would LOVE for him to be saved, to have someone give him a chance, my humane (and emphatic ass) wants someone to take a chance on him also because I feel so close to his struggle, but my realistic side says ‘Yeah, it’s not gonna happen’. 

As much as I love this character and would like him not to die, I also realize he did horrible things and slaughtered innocents without even thinking about it. I went back to check on dialogues of people talking about facing him in the war, and man it’s bad. People basically describe how he wouldn’t even find enjoyement in killing people or winning wars, but how we was just ‘looking for a feeling’ even on the battlefield, while destroying people’s hopes and dreams in Doma and all Yangxia. It’s bad. It’s REAL bad. Sometimes I forget how... bad this character is.

“...I do not think there was any joy in it. Nor justice, nor morality, nor meaning. To him, the weight of one life is no different from that of a thousand.  A challenge had been issued and was accepted. But on finding us no challenge at all, his objective changed. There were tales of imperial soldiers being flayed for slaughtering families. For breaking brave men’s spirits. Only later did I come to understand why. He did not desire obedience. He desired hate… and men consumed by it.  A new battle. A new enemy. A new challenge. The hunt, I am told he called it. A hunt without end. And when all our best lay dead and broken, he left. He left, muttering that we had “bored” him. But our weapons, at least, held his interest. For he took a fallen samurai’s sword, having grown… fond of it. Since that day, he has ever wielded Far Eastern blades. He is said to be fascinated by ones with storied histories, and so soldiers who seek to to curry his favor often present those of defeated enemies as gifts.

Lyse: It’s like all a game to him. People are suffering -- dying -- and he’s collecting swords? “

But man. I don’t know what Endwalker has in store for me, for Zenos, but I sure hope maybe something can happen where he doesn’t die. I don’t know how the fuck that would happen, maybe we would need to see more of him and understand his story/his side better, and see if he actually does want to work with the WoL side by side instead of just fighting him. Maybe that can happen, he does care about the WoL after all, and he knows enjoyement and thrill will come out of being with them. I just don’t know how that could realistically *WORK*... But I sure does hope there’s some kind of compromise, where he maybe just can reflect on his actions and do something about them.

This is my stupid ‘I see too much of myself in Zenos to talk rationally’ self talking, but I am so sad at seeing a character that has struggles and grew up feeling nothing but apathy, being loved by no one, end up like a villain again. Having to just be put down like a feral animal. Again. 

I guess my stupid ass would just like him to be happy, found peace maybe, HELL, I don’t know if he deserves it, but some parts of me tells me he does. I just get so sad when I am reminded at how much his father, family, nation, no one gave a shit about him. That’s too much human and close to home for me to disregard everything entirely and just call him a villain. 

I also am conflicted because I wonder if what I want for him isn’t also out of character, and something that would ruin his character and story. I love Zenos because he’s unapologetically himself, does what he wants, and obeys no one’s agenda, but his wants and instincts. I don’t want his personality and story arc to be ruined by salvation or him randomly becoming an ally and everyone pretending he didn’t do anything wrong, that would make me hate him and SE so much. I would much prefer him dead than him ruined as a character. I do wonder if me wanting him to be spared death and him being unapologetically himself are two things that can’t co-exist- it FEELS like that, honestly. I have faith in SE that they will write him and the story well, and make me enjoy what happens, so at the moment I’m not particularly worried about him being ruined as a character. But I just got to the point where I am so attached that I am of course scared of losing my favourite character. I guess we will have to see, honestly only the game and what will happen in the story can tell me if I am right in having hope for him or if I am not. There’s a lot of possibility in the story, a lot of surprises in SE’s writing everything everytime, and i how they make things WORK, so there’s hope in THAT.

And maybe I want to see a different solution for him that isn’t death. Call it retribution, maybe I am projecting TOO MUCH in this character, but yeah, just being honest and baring my emotions to the world here. I guess we will have to see what happens. 

[aiyexayen]

So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

[cepheustarot]

What would make you feel better?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. You make your own decisions and are responsible for them yourself, so it's up to you to listen to advice or not.

Choose one or more cards. Trust your intuition.

Card 1 Your current state: You are still holding on to some things in the past or you are attached to some people, relationships. These things or people may be dear to you, but they do not bring more joy or other positive emotions into your life. In fact, you are holding on to memories. Also I can say that you in a situation in which you do not see a suitable solution and just patiently wait for the situation to resolve itself. It's like a disclaimer, as if you're shifting the solution to the problem to the universe(?)

What will you help: You need to pull yourself together and solve problems! Deep down you know the right solution, but you can resist because you don't like it, it hurts or you don't want to upset another person, or something like that. In any case, if you don't act now, your condition will worsen and you risk falling into a state of apathy. You can also be helped to make the first step by a person you trust and who gives good advice, he is wise and has a lot of life experience, so try to talk to him. I believe that everything will turn out well for you and you will cope with any adversity.

Card 2. Your current state: As I see it, here you are in a state of affairs where little depends on you and the resolution of the situation depends on another person or smth like this. You are just patiently waiting for the outcome, while you are in such an incomprehensible state when you do not know what to expect. Unpredictability worries you very much and causes severe stress, you are thinking about different ways to resolve the situation, but this does not calm you down, but makes you even more nervous.

What will you help: Since you can't influence the situation in any way, you need to try to calm down and let it go, think less about it and switch to something else. Excessive overthinking will not make you feel better, so you need to focus on taking care of yourself, reduce stress and anxiety. In this case, any things that please or calm you will help you, the main thing is that they distract you from thoughts and do not allow you to plunge back into the previous state. A trip somewhere will help well, it doesn't matter if you go alone or with someone, it will in any case bring new emotions into your life. I believe that you will cope with everything, be kind to yourself.

Card 3. Your current state: you locked ourselves in though and detached from reality, spend more time alone with your thoughts. Obsessive thoughts make you very sad, you don't know how to cope with them and in general you are at a dead end, you don't know how to get out of this state and help yourself. You are also indifferent to many events in your life and can left to chance everything.

What will you help: first, it is important to fight with your thoughts, they need to be challenged. If you have negative obsessive thoughts, for example, you are not succeeding and there is a feeling that you will never succeed, then try to give arguments against them, for example: "I have already been through this and successfully coped, so this time I will succeed" or "I have just started my journey and am gaining experience, mistakes at the beginning are natural, success comes gradually", I understand that my explanation may sound vague, but I hope the meaning is clear. You also need to keep a balance, you feel very sad, but you should try to create moments that will bring joy into your life, whether it's meeting friends or hobbies, any little things that make you happy. This should help you see that there is not only one melancholy around you, and good moments are also present. If necessary, contact a specialist. Be kind to yourself and remember that you can handle everything.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3

[a-lil-bi-furious]

Scisaac :D

oof, thank you for this ask, and I am so sorry this took so long to respond. It’s finals season and I grossly underestimated how much I have to do 😅 But here it is, in all it's (hopefully understandable) rambling glory: Scisaac

*aggressively hits ship button* 

1) What made you ship it?

I’ve been on the Scisaac train for a looooong time now. When I was first watching Teen Wolf, during my own very teen-y but non-wolfy years, I don’t think I actually started to ship them until a bit into 3A. When I re-watched the show, though, that scene in the club with “No, I mean you. I don’t want you to get hurt.” had me as done for as Isaac. (There’s this lovely gif set someone made, too, that’s just a close up on their hands during the syringe hand-off, and all the subtle, soft finger brushing makes me go feral.) Anyway, that scene was the shipping spark, but it wasn’t really what established Scisaac as an important relationship to me.

For me, the scene in the clinic with the dog (in 2x11 “Battlefield”) is what really cemented that. It’s funny, because this scene really isn’t a shipping scene, right? This is a learning moment which focuses more on resident-mentor Alan Deaton extending to Isaac the opportunity to learn how to use his abilities for something other than anger and power. And I love it so much for that! But the interaction between Scott and Isaac makes me weak. Because you’ve got Isaac--this jaded, abused kid who holds a lot of resentment and fear and accepted the bite, most likely, to feel like he had some modicum of control in his life and the strength to not feel helpless anymore, and in the end externalized all of that rage--experiencing this moment of raw vulnerability with two people who, by all counts, should want nothing to do with him. And we can talk about how that moment in the club was probably one of the first times anyone has shown genuine concern for Isaac’s well-being (and how this act of kindness was coming from someone he’s been hostile to) in who knows how long, but what about the first moment Isaac acts in compassion and tenderness? How long has it been since he considered himself capable of feeling something that wasn’t pain, fear, or that deep seated fury which swallows everything else? How long has it been since Isaac knew any language other than violence? For a moment he’s cracked open and everything is overwhelming and rather than using his hands as weapon and shield, he’s using them to heal. He cries, and for a moment he’s even startled--maybe scared. And what does Scott do? He immediately offers a point of connection and consolation (“It’s okay, I cried the first time he showed me, too.”)

Scott has this heart which is (sometimes dangerously) open and exposed. He cares and he believes so deeply in humanity and goodness that even when he’s spent weeks(?) fighting Isaac, distrusting Isaac, he’s also been worrying about Isaac. And the way Scott acts in this scene is so soft and curious as he’s standing by, watching. It’s like he’s just been waiting for Isaac to let his guard down just enough to step outside of what Derek’s been teaching him (about anger and control, just like he did Scott). And he gets this tiny little smile on his face as he watches it happen, because I can imagine he knows almost exactly how Isaac is feeling. Scott presents it differently and he often buries it down, but he’s angry too. All the time, at so many things, but he chooses to channel his energy into helping other people. And seeing Isaac, who up until this moment has mostly shown animosity and apathy, brought to tears when he learns he can take pain from others just proves to Scott that the tenderness pays off, that caring heals. Everyone is capable of kindness if they choose it, and to watch Isaac open himself up a little bit to that option--one that hasn’t been available to him for a long time--is incredibly rewarding. It just was such a warm, vulnerable, and genuine exchange between all three of them, and given how closed off Isaac is it was a significant indicator of the safety he was starting to feel around Scott. 

2) What are your favorite things about the ship?

re: above, my favorite thing about this ship is how tender and vulnerable each of them can be with the other (in their own ways) and how they challenge each other in ways they both really need. Scott encourages Isaac to turn away from aggression as a solution and to focus more on others, on compassionate and peaceful forms of resolution. (It’s uhhh....a work in progress.) Scott softens Isaac in a way I think he really needs. Conversely,  Isaac challenges Scott in ways he really needs. Isaac encourages him to place more focus on himself and actually attend to his needs. And also? I just think they would have fun, because Isaac = trouble and Scott 100% enjoys shenanigans more than he acts like he does. He’s a little shit at heart, and I’m here for Isaac encouraging that.

Also, I think their relationship has a good balance because they’re very different people, but I think that they have some points of relation that run deep in ways many people wouldn’t understand. For one thing, I think that Scott has a foundation of understanding for Isaac’s experience of childhood abuse and how this informs his behavior. This is entirely up to interpretation because the show never specified beyond the time Rafael accidentally(?) pushed Scott down the stairs, but even if Scott didn’t experience physical abuse outside of this incident, it’s pretty clear that Rafael is an angry, violent drunk and that the relationship in that home was toxic and (judging by his interactions with Scott and Melissa) likely emotionally abusive. It probably wasn’t always that way; it wasn’t always that way for Isaac either. The abuse that Isaac endured was different and more severe (at least in a physical sense), and whereas Scott’s dad left when he was ten, Isaac was stuck with his dad until the kanima killed him. But I think that experience of living in a home that doesn’t feel safe is something they both share. Isaac’s initial reaction seems to be to run away or retreat when he’s unsafe, but Scott’s is to make it a safe place. I could ramble on and on, but what I’m getting at is just that I think even with extremely different personalities and ideologies, they’d be able to understand each other in very specific, personal ways and help each other cope. I’m also a huge sucker for the fact that Isaac showed up on the McCall’s doorstep and that Scott’s home literally became his home--but, really, Scott became his home. And rather than run or hide when things are scary, he defends his home now (metaphorical and physical) and keeps building it up again. (And yeah, sometimes defense means beating a guy he already hated senseless over Scott not healing and then Scott probably being less than pleased about it, but it’s a learning curve okay?)

3) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? 

I’m not sure what the general opinions are on this ship, especially now. But the most unpopular opinion I probably have is about Isaac’s temperament. A lot of people have a tendency to kind of take aforementioned softness and turn Isaac into a very gentle, sweet, puppy-like character, which I just don’t think is realistic. Really and truly, Isaac’s a sarcastic asshole with anger issues and not a whole lot of tact. And, though I tend to think he softens up quite a bit with Scott, I don’t think that changes the nature of his behavior, if that makes sense? I actually think part of the reason Isaac is a good match for Scott in the first place is because he’s this way. Scott has a tendency to ignore his own needs, which often means his wellbeing suffers. Isaac’s the kind of person to point out the bullshit, no sugar-coating, and stubbornly counter Scott’s attempts to excuse his own self-neglect at every turn. Isaac is loyal and caring, yes, but he’s pushy and aggressive about it. And I honestly think Scott needs a partner who won’t put up with his self-sacrifice; he needs someone who’s going to be persistent, because Scott also tends to be pretty obstinate.

In conclusion, I love them your honor. 

(Send me a ship and I’ll ramble about why I do/don’t ship it!)

[lacrimaomnis]

BRF Reading, 15/7/2021 (Part One)

Background: The ask I received from an anon earlier today made me wonder about something -- but for that, I have to indulge in a little bit of a ramble here.

If you have read my about page here, you will know that I have been an on and off royal watcher for some time. I know about Harry and Meghan's wedding, and while there was something I couldn't put my fingers on back then, I definitely did not lean towards warming up to her, which was normal for me. Catherine got married when I was too young to understand and to have a care for the world, and so, when I started royal-watching, I did not warm up to Catherine quickly either. But if there is anything I know, even if I did not warm up to Catherine sooner, is that Catherine and Wiliam married for love. I believe that much.

Now, Harry and Meghan, on the other hand, feels...I don't know how to say it, but it feels like there were tied hands back then when they married. So I have two questions, which I will read in two days. I planned to read twice in one day, but I am just too tired and sleepy. Part Two will be tomorrow.

As written, this is merely a speculation and therefore must be taken with a grain of salt. This speculation is not true until proven otherwise.

My question today is, why did Harry decide to marry Meghan?

Cards drawn: Knight of Cups, Eight of Wands, Ten of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Nine of Cups, Four of Cups.

Remarks/Comments: I was honestly expecting at least one or two major arcana cards to come up to give me some clarity about the situation, but I am surprised to see that none of the major arcana pops up. Not to say that a spread consisting purely of minor arcana cards is less clear compared to a spread with major arcana, but I was hoping there was a definite something I can look at to determine the main energy in this reading.

Summary: This spread consists of seven cards. Three of the cards are Cups and another three are Wands, which means that two suits make up for the majority of cards, which could mean that this marriage was based on feelings (Cups) and was thought of as a solution to a problem (Wands).

First card: Knight of Cups. This is a court card, and therefore, it stands for a person in my question -- which is Harry. This card speaks about making decisions based on emotions rather than thinking calmly to reach a decision; which did tell me that Harry decided to get married solely based on his emotions, and he did make this decision when he was blinded by his emotions rather than reason.

This card also speaks about loving someone for the sake of love itself, speaking about someone who shares that love freely. This does tell me that yes, Harry married Meghan out of love. I was surprised because I was sure that Meghan subtly manipulated Harry to marry her, especially with rumours of the secret marriage and yadda yadda, hence that "hands tied" feeling I mentioned earlier in this post. This card does tell me that Harry truly loved Meghan, loved her enough to marry her. They did say love makes you blind, and I do think this is perhaps what happened to Harry.

Second card: Eight of Wands. This card speaks about delays, frustration, fast-paced change, and action. Looking at this card, I remembered how Harry was not exactly successful with his earlier relationships. He broke up with Miss Chelsy Davy due to "rising incompatibility of their life choices", he broke up with the now Mrs Wentworth-Stanley, Cressida Bonas -- if tabloids were to be trusted, Harry even planned to marry her -- and it fell through. This did tell me that not only Harry loved Meghan enough to marry her, but he also did not want the Eight of Wands to happen again to him and his relationship with Meghan.

Third card: Ten of Wands. Now, this is another interesting card. For some reason, in two separate days, in two readings concerning Harry or Meghan, this card likes to show itself. Harry was burdened by something that he decided to get married and it wasn't that long in the past either, like the Eight of Wands. But the cards did show me he loved her, that Knight of Cups is just staring at me with his wide eyes, and his heart pouring out...then why was he burdened? Wasn't marrying someone you love a celebration, not a burden? Why would marrying someone you love become a burden? I love my partner with all my heart, and I would never consider marrying him a burden. In fact, I am (with that childish excitement) looking forward to the day he offers the ring. Then why? Why did this card come up?

Fourth card: Eight of Pentacles. The only card representing anything material wealth related, and the card itself doesn't even speak about anything materialistic. This card speaks about apprenticeship, repetitive tasks, self-development, and misdirected activity. In a broader sense, this card speaks about working away at the finer details of your life to improve your situation. Did Harry think marrying Meghan would improve his situation? In my humble opinion, marriage is not merely one finer detail of life, it is a huge part of someone's life. What would be improved in Harry's life when he married Meghan? Is there any? Or did Harry think so? There's a big difference between doing something that one thinks would improve a situation and doing something that actually improves a situation, just like how there is a big discrepancy between how we perceive a situation to be and the actual situation. I think Harry's decision to marry Meghan was in the former category.

Fifth card: Four of Wands. This card is closely associated with the elements of home: the people who make a home safe, people who support you, the familiarity, everything that makes a house a home. Now, the position of this card in this spread suggests these "elements" that make a home had an influence on Harry's decision to marry Meghan. The only thing I can think about is the rumours where members of the royal family (particularly William) warned Harry against rushing into marriage.

Looking at its pair, the Eight of Pentacles, this card did give me some idea that Harry might think that his situation at home, at least from his point of view, might be able to be improved if he married Meghan. This would once again beg the question of what, why, and how? How would marrying Meghan improve his situation? Why did he have to get married to improve his situation? What was the situation that he had to get married to improve it? This pair of cards leave me with more questions than answers.

Sixth card: Nine of Cups. This is the pair of the Ten of Wands. This card is usually about contentment and satisfaction, but could also speak about dissatisfaction and materialism. This card tells me that the burden (Ten of Wands) Harry felt was dissatisfaction with his family (Four of Wands). He was not satisfied with something that he decided to marry Meghan, believing that Meghan might be able to satisfy him in that particular aspect of his life. I am not inclined to believe Harry decided to marry Meghan because of money (in fact, I believe the opposite applies), so I'd stick with the dissatisfaction interpretation.

This card also reminds me of the so-called one-sided rivalry between William and Harry, and one of my thoughts I've written here. I must underline that these are solely Harry's thoughts and feelings, which would fall in line with what we've seen from him: a whiny, sulky adult man who feels that everyone has to bow at him because he was the son of a mother who was tragically killed in a car crash.

Seventh card: Four of Cups. This card talks about apathy, contemplation, retreat, and withdrawal. As the result of his decision to marry Meghan, Harry has shown that he was capable of being completely apathetic to all the sadness he has inflicted on his family because of all their lies as long as they get their way. He also leaves his family to follow Meghan, the family that provided him with comfort and stability for all his life.

Conclusion: As much as how we'd like to believe otherwise, this reading tells me that Harry perhaps did love Meghan. Perhaps he did love her enough that he decided to marry her, but that decision wasn't made based on reason. He was blinded by his own emotions. He also thought marrying Meghan would improve the situation at home, perhaps he was thinking that marrying Meghan would improve his standing somewhat, which, well, frankly, does not make sense. What kind of standing did he hope? Did he hope to have some sort of social standing in Hollywood?