#there is a place where we blend together like I somehow attached myself to you deep inside

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

I have been offering Big Earnings since 1995.

You rich? You're welcome.

[edenmemes]

the witcher 3: wild hunt starters

including quotes from the dlcs hearts of stone & blood and wine

❝  you were always an unruly child. i adored that about you.  ❞ ❝  mmm. yes. of course. the excuse you resort to when you’d rather not talk about something.  ❞ ❝  how many have you killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  you know who i am. and why i’m here.  ❞ ❝  you're a madman and always have been. a cruel, cold-blooded killer.  ❞ ❝  a man should frame his wishes carefully. it forestalls disappointment.  ❞ ❝  no argument. you knew what you were signing up for.  ❞ ❝  maybe once, in a different time...i’d have helped.  ❞ ❝  don’t train alone, it only embeds your errors.  ❞ ❝  wanna get drunk off my ass. and it’s gotta be on cheap wine.  ❞ ❝  you’re a heartless bastard.  ❞ ❝  try to trick me anyway, anyhow, you won’t go anywhere, you know that. ‘cause i’ll take your head off right where it meets your neck.  ❞ ❝  sorry. i don’t want to talk about it. not now, at least.  ❞ ❝  we are more like a family.   we support each other and help each other survive tough moments.  ❞ ❝  so how’s it feel to be the village witch?  ❞ ❝  realize, please, that you were made for great things.  ❞ ❝  folks say a curse has fallen on that place, a dark power brought down by the bestiality of the murders it beheld.  ❞ ❝  so, now you’ve threatened me and all...are you in or are you not?  ❞ ❝  i know it must sound foolish, but in the dream - well, it was all too real...  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  it’s always been about you. only you.  ❞ ❝  i remember finding your sense of humor both groan-worthy...and somehow endearing.  ❞ ❝  kings die, realms fall, but magic endures.  ❞ ❝  i detest banquets. vacuous conversation, food portions fit for a mouse, drinks that taste like piss...  ❞ ❝  despite what you’ve heard, i don’t lunge at every monster i see, sword in hand.  ❞ ❝  each day’s more dangerous than the last.  ❞ ❝  it’s folks like you that restore my faith in humankind.  ❞ ❝  my power lies in possessing knowledge, not sharing it.  ❞ ❝  the rotten smell brings back childhood memories.  ❞ ❝  awfully noble of you, showing so much concern for the needy.  ❞ ❝  no need to thank me. always glad to save your ass. you’re welcome.  ❞ ❝  i may be inhumanely beautiful, but i don’t have super human senses.  ❞ ❝  anyone can be made to talk, even a corpse. one must simply know how.  ❞ ❝  we’ve done the hardest part. only got the pleasant bits now.  ❞ ❝  there are few causes worth saving. even fewer men.  ❞ ❝  don’t treat me like a child.  ❞ ❝  there’s strange men lurking outside the house. watching me.  ❞ ❝  you must be careful what you wish for lest your wish be granted.    for there are consequences.  ❞ ❝  shall i be free of the suffering? the sadness?  ❞ ❝  i wish to gaze into those eyes, eyes the devil would be proud to have.  ❞ ❝  you were born with a great gift. and only you can decide how to use it.  ❞ ❝  any other words of wisdom? or can we go?  ❞ ❝  what i need is an ally. and something tells me i shall find none better than you.  ❞ ❝  i can see no row can occur here without your participation.  ❞ ❝  i and what concerns me have not been a concern of yours for some time now.  ❞ ❝  if you’d not arrived in time, things might have ended considerably worse.  ❞ ❝  if they can bleed, they can die.  ❞ ❝  a man must display some madness from time to time --- it helps him feel alive.  ❞ ❝  i was deeply troubled. you’ve no idea.  ❞ ❝  done that so many times, but...it felt like our first kiss to me.  ❞ ❝  don’t need to play tough on me.  ❞ ❝  i've lost too many mates already. i won’t risk it, i can't.  ❞ ❝  there’s just not enough of us. it’ll be a hard fight.  ❞ ❝  in lonely woods, screams carry long.  ❞ ❝  things used to be simpler.    monsters were bad, humans good.   now, everything’s all confused.  ❞ ❝  as for your missteps --- i don't rightly see why i shouldn't laugh if they're amusing..  ❞ ❝  i’ve no gold to offer you in reward...but i shall be ever so grateful.  ❞ ❝  if you’re scared, turn back. i’m gonna go on.  ❞ ❝  if anything happens, i’ll defend you.  ❞ ❝  once you say "i love you," a kiss has to taste differently.  ❞ ❝  maybe we should sit? you look a bit dazed...  ❞ ❝  drink it off, sleep it off, whatever it takes...just get yourself together and think things        through.  ❞ ❝  i shall join later, if it’s no trouble. i don’t yet feel strong enough to venture out.  ❞ ❝  awake at last. you writhed like a squirrel caught in a snare.  ❞ ❝  again you plan without even asking what i think!  ❞ ❝  come to see how i’m feelin'? thanks, not bad.  ❞ ❝  i remember that day quite well...there was a light drizzle, yet the cold tore right through you.  ❞ ❝  you gotta keep your eyes peeled wide open. someone’s taken an interest in your work.  ❞ ❝  oof...for a minute, i actually thought we were doomed.  ❞ ❝  you shouldn’t worry yourself --- it tarnishes your beauty.  ❞ ❝  i’d even embrace you...were you not covered in blood.  ❞ ❝  guess i could’ve been someone worse...just a shame i had no choice.  ❞ ❝  facts interest me. not fairytales.  ❞ ❝  hm, odd smell. blend of alcohol, blood and monster stench.  ❞ ❝  i’m old and i am wealthy. i may say what i please.  ❞ ❝  now, be so kind and leave me to my thoughts.  ❞ ❝  in your shoes i’d pack it up and go hide somewhere far away.  ❞ ❝  forgive me, but that's the blatherin' of someone who clearly can't snap out of it after a tragic loss.  ❞ ❝  that all you gotta say? i saved your life.  ❞ ❝  i swear on all that is holy: we shall be together forever.  ❞ ❝  think of me as part of the decor.  ❞ ❝  anyone who’s bold enough to fight is already a hero.  ❞ ❝  if this is a trap of some sort...  ❞ ❝  you can count on me, you know? always.  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how much it means...to have someone you can rely on in this fucking city.  ❞ ❝  i know you. you have no heart.  ❞ ❝  no room for friendship in this business.  ❞ ❝  evil is evil. lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. the degree is arbitrary, the definitions blurred.  ❞ ❝  hands off, or i'll cut them off.  ❞ ❝  i’ll need to clear my head first. after those deranged dreams, i feel it’s full of cobwebs.  ❞ ❝  on your way? or will you stay longer? it’s far safer with you around...  ❞ ❝  really sad story, but something’s not right. got a feeling you’re not telling me everything.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit, there’s something about you. you’re...different.  ❞ ❝  with each arrow i shoot, i think of my dad. he’d be proud, i think.  ❞ ❝  i merely know when to indulge my pride, and when to swallow it.  ❞ ❝  you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  these’re dark, grim times. no room for knights pure of heart or happily-ever-afters.  ❞ ❝  a life without liquor’s like loving without licking.  ❞ ❝  my certainty i walk the right path grows strong as iron, firm as steel.  ❞ ❝  few make me feel awkward, but in your presence, i feel anxiety, discomfort.  ❞ ❝  some men have got good reason to fear their own shadows.  ❞ ❝  some men cannot admit defeat. some keep fighting from beyond the grave.  ❞ ❝  stare into their eyes, feast on their terror. then go in for the kill.  ❞ ❝  forget not that you are a person right and honorable, devoted to doing good.  ❞ ❝  ash shall fertilize the soil. by spring, the valley shall bloom once more.  ❞ ❝  there’s lots of wraiths here. i hear them whispering every night.  ❞ ❝  no one has the courage to face this threat! yet we must kill them, or sooner or later we will all die.  ❞ ❝  you are a step away from losing your head. speak the truth and you might yet keep it.  ❞ ❝  you carry within you the weight of a terrible tragedy. you are a good person, but lost. which is why you come across as grim.  ❞ ❝  if i understand you correctly, you would rather help a monster than kill it?  ❞ ❝  discouraged after a mere eight attempts?  ❞ ❝  easier to pat someone on the back and hope things will work out than it is to face the truth.  ❞ ❝  know that they can’t teach an old dog new tricks?  ❞ ❝  my, you’ve grown beautiful.  ❞ ❝  my swords a promise --- if i reach for it, heads will roll.  ❞ ❝  one condition: no one dies. that clear?  ❞ ❝  patience happens to be my weakness. so dispense with the dramatic pauses and talk.  ❞ ❝  you proved today you can take care of yourself.  ❞ ❝  you under the delusion you’ll complete your tasks, live happily ever after?  ❞ ❝  i will not sit and twiddle my thumbs. i'm sick of waiting, sick of hiding!  ❞ ❝  glad you know who i am. haven’t introduced yourself, though.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen a great deal --- cruelty, cynicism, greed.  ❞ ❝  you tempt fate, because at heart you are unhappy.  ❞ ❝  we had our chance, but...let it go.  ❞ ❝  come now, you didn’t expect it to be that easy, did you?  ❞ ❝  promise me one thing --- you’ll stop risking your life for others.  ❞ ❝  instead of dwelling on the future, i’d rather live in the moment.  ❞ ❝  i adore love stories. especially the ones that end happily ever after.  ❞ ❝  we are drops of rain that together make a ferocious storm.  ❞ ❝  the path to freedom is paved in blood, not ink.  ❞ ❝  we’ll get our happy ending. one day.  ❞ ❝  i’ll never forget what you did for me...and what we had together.  ❞ ❝  don’t meddle in other people’s lives.  ❞ ❝  i don’t get attached to places. just people.  ❞ ❝  it’s dangerous, there are risks involved. understand that, don’t you?  ❞ ❝  and here i hoped someone would finally take pity on me.  ❞ ❝  seen a lot of dead in my time, but that must’ve been hard.  ❞ ❝  air is strange...like dropping into a deep cellar on a hot day...  ❞ ❝  wouldn’t carry a sword if i didn’t know how to use it.  ❞ ❝  take it you didn't summon me to reminisce about the good old days, so...  ❞ ❝  i was attacked --- had to defend myself.  ❞ ❝  guards have never stopped me, you know that.  ❞ ❝  treating the ill and wounded...it’s my calling.  ❞ ❝  you think it’s enchanted?  ❞ ❝  there are times when a woman should simply not explain her decision.  ❞ ❝  won’t find too many comforts, but try to feel at home.  ❞ ❝  i was looking for you...sometimes i thought you were just a step away. other times, i felt like i was going around in circles.  ❞ ❝  i’ll remember you. always with a smile.  ❞ ❝  i’d rather you not make anymore trouble --- for yourself, or us both.  ❞ ❝  got the stench of corpes on you.  ❞ ❝  you stood to gain --- that is why you saved me.  ❞ ❝  sages invariably have hidden agendas. altruism is simply not part of their constitution.  ❞ ❝  the gods have abandoned us. the mighty of this earth care not for our fate.  ❞ ❝  is that admiration i hear in your voice?  ❞ ❝  i started off heading in the opposite direction, but then turned around.  ❞ ❝  i’m fed up. i won’t have others deciding for me behind my back.  ❞ ❝  where’d you get this idea? what’s gotten into you?  ❞ ❝  i don't expect you to commit now. think it over, what you've heard, what you feel.  ❞ ❝  head torn clear off...takes incredible strength.  ❞ ❝  desperate fathers have been known to do a lot to find their daughters.  ❞ ❝  you cannot kill me. you know this...  ❞ ❝  "i give you my heart”? what kind of spell is that?  ❞ ❝  i’d go anywhere with you.  ❞ ❝  why? because i am a woman? in a frock, rather than plate? i can take care of myself, i assure you.  ❞ ❝  everything we discussed here, hope you’ll keep it to yourself. counting on it, in fact.  ❞ ❝  trusted you once. won’t make that mistake again.  ❞ ❝  shut up. i’ve heard enough of your bullshit. draw your weapon, let’s get this over with.  ❞ ❝  exaggerating for effect, right?  ❞ ❝  well, well...when cornered, you can bite.  ❞ ❝  you cannot win...even if you kill me.  ❞ ❝  you know i’m good at accomplishing the impossible.  ❞ ❝  it’s nothing, really. you’d have done the same for me.  ❞ ❝  you are not ready. you do not control your powers.  ❞ ❝  you’re a tool in their hands, even if you don’t see it.  ❞ ❝  i’d do anything for you, i would. you know that well.  ❞ ❝  this is a land where the fantastic is normal, and the impossible occurs daily...  ❞ ❝  know when a legend becomes a prophecy? when it gain believers.  ❞ ❝  i thought you’d become a stranger to me. that i’d look at you and not feel a thing. but it’s not like that at all. nothing’s changed.  ❞ ❝  to be honest, i just wanted to go on a walk with you.  ❞ ❝  what i really want is to be with you, to...to be together and...  ❞ ❝  this is not the kind of offer one refuses.  ❞ ❝  despair devours you like maggots devour a corpse.  ❞ ❝  before long every soul will kneel before you.  ❞ ❝  i run into dilemmas all the time. situations where it's hard to judge, hard to know what's right, make a decision. this is not one of them. you disgust me. and deserve to die.  ❞ ❝  you know me. i’m rare to praise, but when i do, it’s sincere.  ❞ ❝  i'm not a thug for hire.  ❞ ❝  i like being on adventures, sleeping under the stars, waking up with dew on my face.  ❞ ❝  the dream's within reach now. i’m not about to let it go.  ❞ ❝  unlike you, killing gives me no pleasure.  ❞ ❝  can't speak for the world you inhabit, but in mine, nothing is ever black and white.  ❞ ❝  you cannot possibly imagine how much i detest this place.  ❞ ❝  stones you’ve got. but i didn’t think you’d have the stomach for a massacre.  ❞ ❝  the dead man --- looked like a monster attacked him recently.  ❞ ❝  finish all your business before you die. bid loved ones farewell. write your will. apologize to those you’ve wronged. otherwise, you’ll never truly leave this world.  ❞ ❝  i've had nothing but nightmares lately. pretty horrible.  ❞ ❝  i was wandering through the forest, breathing deep the air, and then i heard a strange sound, unsettling.  ❞ ❝  had a few nice dreams. for example, in one we sat around a fire, drinking good wine, and all around people danced and laughed.  ❞ ❝  they’re all dead! mountains of corpses. yet here i stand alone. all alone.  ❞ ❝  this isn’t a game. men have died.  ❞ ❝  if you wanna listen, listen, if not --- i'd rather you spared me your wit and throw me out now.  ❞ ❝  you fed me, cared for me, had my wounds looked after. we're even now.  ❞ ❝  you’ll return, you shall. our fates are bound.  ❞ ❝  i’ve nothing left. not a fucking thing.  ❞ ❝  i don’t question your abilities. i simply don’t trust you.  ❞ ❝  what foolish things men sometimes do.  ❞ ❝  dare harm me, and against you will rise all the powers of nature.  ❞ ❝  did you destroy the evil powers? have you brought peace to my domain?  ❞ ❝  well, perhaps i shall tell you about it one day. one day, but not today..  ❞ ❝  times like these, you never know what tomorrow will bring.  ❞ ❝  you worry too much. what will be, will be.  ❞ ❝  have you gone completely mad? we must leave here at once!  ❞ ❝  time eats away at memories, distorts them. sometimes we only remember the good... sometimes only the bad.  ❞ ❝  you don’t need magic to strip men of their humanity. i’ve seen plenty of examples.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to choose between one evil and another, i’d rather not choose at all.  ❞ ❝  see what i’ve got on my back? wolves fear it. kings do, too.  ❞ ❝  i missed those awkward compliments of yours.  ❞ ❝  sometimes i think it’s all too lovely to be true…that something’s bound to happen, another war or some other horror.  ❞ ❝  took you a while. did you run into trouble?  ❞ ❝  i just travel a lot. and i don't always happen upon such good and civil company.  ❞ ❝  what can you know about saving the world, silly?  ❞ ❝  done my share of fighting. wouldn't carry a sword if i didn't know to use it.  ❞ ❝  all right, perhaps i wasn’t completely honest.  ❞ ❝  ever thought this day would come? me and you...peace and quiet...bees buzzing, birds chirping.  ❞ ❝  i detect a shadow of impatience in your face.  ❞ ❝  took me a long time to find you. wasn't an easy road to travel.  ❞ ❝  wipe that frown off your face, or i might think you don’t like me anymore.  ❞ ❝  always believed attack was the best defense.  ❞ ❝  once it’s all over, if we survive ... i wish to leave, go far away.   and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  naturally, you suspect me of the worst. i don’t deserve that.  ❞ ❝  we can fight another time, in another place, where the walls have no ears.  ❞ ❝  once i was free...i shall be free once more.  ❞ ❝  believe me...a tavern, mulled wine, our boots drying by the fire --- i’d like nothing better.  ❞ ❝  prove it. kiss me.  ❞ ❝  the prophecies do not lie...you cannot survive this struggle.  ❞ ❝  i know you better than you think.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  what’s happened? it’s so quiet, all of a sudden.  ❞ ❝  thank you, for coming with me.  ❞ ❝  i cannot do everything for you. use your head.  ❞ ❝  i'm angry and tired. had to kill a lot of people along the way.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’d be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  i sense your pain. i see your fear.  ❞ ❝  how’s this for an answer: kiss my ass.  ❞ ❝  how many have you already killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  i'm quite alive and extraordinarily well. better than i've ever been in this rotten life of mine.  ❞ ❝  i like it when you smile. come here. everything will be all right.  ❞ ❝  ugh. don’t fall in love with me.  ❞ ❝  i don’t like you. in fact, i feel like slapping you.  ❞ ❝  i'm too old to play the blushing bride...unless you ask nicely.  ❞ ❝  that bit of my life --- forgotten it already.  ❞ ❝  the world doesn’t need a hero. it needs a professional.  ❞ ❝  next time you wonder why i’m so bitter...well, there's your answer.  ❞ ❝  nothing wrong with having a drink in good company.  ❞ ❝  i want you behind those rocks. and keep your mouth shut.  ❞ ❝  nice of you to worry...but i've made my decision, and i won't change it.  ❞ ❝  this is my story, not yours. you must let me finish telling it.  ❞ ❝  after all that toil, i believe we deserve a bit of a rest.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  we’ve all some stain on our conscience.  ❞ ❝  leaving the castle walls means certain death.  ❞ ❝  right good jest. had us a laugh. now fuck off.  ❞ ❝  i’ve heard about you. you bring trouble, or thus far have, always.  ❞ ❝  ah, you’ve struck a raw nerve.    memories of a time long past to which i’d rather not return now.  ❞ ❝  we meet again. and it seems you need my help. again.  ❞ ❝  got a relative i can talk to? someone - how do i say this - a smidgen less irritating?  ❞ ❝  miss the target, you owe me fifty push-ups. hit it, you owe me twenty.  ❞ ❝  oh. serious talk coming.  ❞ ❝  i feel like one more lie'd be the last bitter drop in a chalice full of sorrow.  ❞ ❝  romantic? thought we came here as friends.  ❞ ❝  you’re hiding something. and that’s one thing i can’t stand.  ❞ ❝  tell me, how do you do it? always manage to pull yourself together, focus, no matter what’s happening?  ❞ ❝  i go wherever i please, whenever i please.  ❞ ❝  uh oh. i know that look.  ❞ ❝  sounds tempting. so tempting i don’t think i can refuse.  ❞ ❝  so, what do you say to a moonlight ride on horseback...and dinner?  ❞ ❝  perhaps...perhaps you’d stay just a bit longer?  ❞ ❝  how are you feeling? sleep well?  ❞ ❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...  simply shouldn’t have.  ❞

❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...i simply shouldn’t have --- not during our romantic dinner.  ❞ ❝  got it. a bit of blackmail --- just your style.  ❞ ❝  it’s the crack of dawn. where do you wanna go?  ❞ ❝  shut up before you wake someone. last thing we need is a crowd.  ❞ ❝  watch what you say. the trees have ears.  ❞ ❝  no bow at hand, no spear. my sword was all i had.  ❞ ❝  never expected you’d take such an interest in my private life.  ❞ ❝  i’m special. always was the rare beauty.  ❞ ❝  damn. been ages since we last saw each other.  ❞ ❝  some charming orchards nearby. in bloom, even, so you almost can't smell the corpses.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  man spends his whole life learning.  ❞ ❝  if only i was as skilled with my words as i am with my blade.  ❞ ❝  i wished to know what was going on in that head of yours. i thought perhaps i could help.  ❞ ❝  i can tell something’s bothering you.  ❞ ❝  dangerous times. each thinks five times before sticking their neck out.   and i can’t blame them.  ❞ ❝  now i care not in the slightest how you think or feel.  ❞ ❝  i no longer know if i still hate you.  ❞ ❝  i see how you look at me, and i see you wither.  ❞ ❝  one last bit of advice --- find a new tavern. everyone here knows you.  ❞ ❝  you won. no point bothering with ‘what ifs’.  ❞ ❝  it’s time i took fate into my own hands. lived life anew...and truly, this time.  ❞ ❝  ahh, 'cause you thought you'd killed me that time. surprise, sur-fucking-prise.  ❞ ❝  who...who’s that? gods, i’m hallucinating.  ❞ ❝  it’s no exaggeration to say i’ve never met a warrior like you in my life. you’re lithe as an eel and strong as a bear.  ❞ ❝  i’ve a heart again, yet all it feels is grief, sadness and defeat. my life is a ruin.  ❞ ❝  sought only to protect myself. in doing so, i put you in harm’s way. forgive me.  ❞ ❝  there’s a charming grove nearby where  kisses  taste  sweeter than anywhere else in the world.  ❞ ❝  you’ve handled tougher situations. you’ll figure this one out.  ❞ ❝  who you are and why you’ve come matter little. for you’ll not leave this place alive.  ❞ ❝  i’m not panicking. just trying to be realistic.  ❞ ❝  hahahahaha...i can’t believe you fell for that!  ❞ ❝  i was actually going to recite an anthem praising your glory, but if you’re not in the mood...  ❞ ❝  lying didn’t always come so easily to you.  ❞ ❝  everyone wants to rule. i can do that better than any monarch.  ❞ ❝  tell me what you want already, and make it quick.  ❞ ❝  what a mess we made of it all...if i’d only known then how it would end...  ❞ ❝  seems a faded dream now, but there were a time where i was happy.  ❞ ❝  why’d you leave me? you claimed you loved me.  ❞ ❝  never liked boats. not one bit.  ❞ ❝  you must be mad. i’ve no intention to make things easier for you.  ❞ ❝  i don’t wish to look at your face any longer than i must.  ❞ ❝  please, no. i can’t stand spells.  ❞ ❝  we agreed not to keep any secrets from one another. we promised.  ❞ ❝  that i like! a man who boldly dares, damn the risks!  ❞ ❝  i thought you bowed before no man.  ❞ ❝  smile a bit wider. ...you were meant to smile, not bare your teeth.  ❞ ❝  is that blood? have you hurt yourself?  ❞ ❝  no reason to trouble the guards. i’ll go willingly.  ❞ ❝  look at me. promise you’ll stay out of it.  ❞ ❝  the minute we’re in trouble, you make me responsible for getting us out.  ❞ ❝  they say they don’t fear the wrath of the gods. and you, do you fear it?  ❞ ❝  i’ll let that pass. i know grief eats at your heart.  ❞ ❝  we all lie sometimes. but lying to yourself is running away, whereas there’s really nowhere to run.  ❞ ❝  don’t need your sympathy, just your help.  ❞ ❝  your loss -- it must hurt, bad. but there wasn't anything we could do.  ❞ ❝  i wish to leave, go far away. and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  i trust you have an explanation for this. a very good one.  ❞ ❝  lot of bitterness in you.  ❞ ❝  i assure you, you’re excellent at covering your tracks --- though not terribly subtle. but i’m even better at uncovering them.  ❞ ❝  glad to see you happy...but i don’t think what we did was right.  ❞ ❝  i look at you, and...and feel like i am exactly where i am supposed to be. at long last.  ❞ ❝  i’m no coward. i'll not run this time.  ❞ ❝  yes, i know you’ve trained with swords. but you’re still shit with them.  ❞ ❝  how many innocents have you cut down?  ❞ ❝  problem is, you’re not ordinary. you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  not too late to surrender.  ❞ ❝  men turn honest when they feel a blade at their throat.  ❞ ❝  i'm not gonna drink. why dull my senses when i’m in such pleasant company?  ❞ ❝  it’s bound to come in handy, and each time it does, you’ll think of me.  ❞ ❝  lie still or you will bleed to death.  ❞ ❝  your life is yours, exclusively. you choose who you are.  ❞ ❝  for a minute there, was almost sure you’d leave me to die.  ❞ ❝  there is never a second opportunity to make a first impression.  ❞ ❝  it’s all because of that secretiveness of yours.  ❞ ❝  plead the gods spare us, for without their favor we shall most certainly perish.  ❞ ❝  i must say -- seen a lot, but nothing like this, never.  ❞ ❝  you don’t look like you can get home on your own. i’ll walk you.  ❞ ❝  all’s in the past, never to be restored.  ❞ ❝  you know full well i never hold a grudge. i forgive you.  ❞ ❝  the good gods sent you to me.  ❞ ❝  and the guilt, the responsibility of all this, lies with me.  ❞ ❝  you’ve only been here five minutes, and you’ve already managed to offend me twice.  ❞ ❝  you will certainly fetch me a higher bounty alive.  ❞ ❝  what's wrong with my beard? always thought it added to my dignity.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to die today, i wish to look smashing for the occasion.  ❞ ❝  i was stupid. stupidity costs a lot.  ❞ ❝  even your humblest requests seem like threats.  ❞ ❝  your motives do not interest me. only results.  ❞ ❝  and you laughed, oh, how sweetly, how brightly you laughed!  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how it is. to see someone you love die. because of you, for you.  ❞ ❝  to have a scapegoat --- that’s the key.  ❞ ❝  no need to fear me.  ❞ ❝  sorry, but -- your life story? just not interested.  ❞ ❝  with you...it was love at first sight.  ❞ ❝  gotta understand. you don’t betray people like me.  ❞ ❝  i struggled long to find a place where i’d feel safe, needed. until i finally arrived here.  ❞ ❝  just don’t faint on me.  ❞ ❝  could never be there for you everyday. but i’m happy to see you always. and today, i’m all yours.  ❞ ❝  what others think...your image...that’s all you care about.  ❞ ❝  in these foul times one must be wary, even of their friends.  ❞ ❝  come on, don’t get angry - it’s not good for you..  ❞ ❝  so, apart from the sword play, you know potions and all that?  ❞ ❝  i actually envy your sense of wonder --- common in children, and morons.  ❞ ❝  a lot of misfortune for a small village.  ❞ ❝  who are you? do you seek to hurt me as well?  ❞ ❝  the hand that feeds can also strike its wayward wards.  ❞ ❝  shh. eat now. we’ll speak once you’ve rested.  ❞ ❝  brother has turned against brother, the land is soaked in blood. evil reigns stronger than ever before.  ❞ ❝  good looking and clever. where’ve you been hiding?  ❞ ❝  doesn’t bother you, having monsters for neighbours?  ❞ ❝  stay here --- no matter what happens.  ❞ ❝  i never told you this, but i’ve always felt it: i love you.  ❞ ❝  listen to me this once -- don't take matters into your own hands.  ❞ ❝  love these moments. the air before a battle -- nothing smells as sweet.  ❞ ❝  they tried to get in through the main gate. i’m afraid they could succeed next time.  ❞ ❝  too many claim you’re evil.  ❞ ❝  why are you so eager to help strangers? sit your ass down or there’ll be misfortune.  ❞ ❝  you'd never have managed without me, would you? come, now, admit it.  ❞ ❝  for those who remain, death should never take precedence over life.  ❞ ❝  thanks for coming. thanks for risking your life for me.  ❞ ❝  don’t force me to speak of it. no more, please.  ❞ ❝  when doubt plagues your mind, follow your instincts. should they steer you wrong and land you in muck, you'll land at peace with yourself. and that's most important.  ❞ ❝   just know that i know you're here. one misstep, one error...you'll make a mistake, it's inevitable...i'll be the first to learn it.  ❞ ❝  i do not know you. i’ve done you no harm.  ❞ ❝  try not to panic...just doesn’t suit you.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’ll be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  had i known what would happen here, i'd never have come.  ❞ ❝  i can say i’ve seen it all now.  ❞ ❝  these scars have long yearned for your tender caress.  ❞ ❝  i don’t fall victim to curses. i cast them.  ❞ ❝  come outside. we can hold hands and stare at the sky.  ❞ ❝  we’ll work well together --- i can see that already.  ❞ ❝  from the first moment i set eyes upon you that fateful evening, my heart has only beaten for you.  ❞ ❝  i trust you as much as you trust me --- not at all.  ❞ ❝  you’ve gone all red in the face just for talking about it.  ❞ ❝  wake up. it’s just a dream. wake up!  ❞ ❝  i still don’t believe everything that happened.  ❞ ❝  i never miss twice.  ❞ ❝  bit too old to believe in bedtime stories, aren’t you?  ❞ ❝  you humans have...unusual tastes.  ❞ ❝  didn’t think it worthwhile to tell me, warn me of your plans?  ❞ ❝  i think you will not attack one unarmed.  ❞ ❝  the deeper i get into this, the more i gotta wonder...why’re you even helping me?  ❞ ❝  to live in peace, we first must kill.  ❞ ❝  at times fate muddles our path, and life turns toilsome, hard to bear.  ❞ ❝  i fight for whoever’s paying the best. or whoever’s easier to rob.  ❞ ❝  do not let my beauty distract your aim.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen what is to come, i know destruction approaches.  ❞ ❝  the war awoke an ancient power. an evil one that feeds on bloodshed.  ❞ ❝  guess you’re no stranger to fury, either.  ❞ ❝  think i’m gonna fall for that? no chance, you’re wrong.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit --- you do pretty well with a sword.  ❞ ❝  you dare tell me to calm down?! you?!  ❞ ❝  let's say i go about my business, and when there's coin to be earned, i don't readily turn it down.  ❞ ❝  i wish to know the truth...be it sweet, be it painful, i wish to know.  ❞ ❝  men, the polite ones at least, would call me a monster.  ❞ ❝  even i grow ill at the sight of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m going on a walk. or is that not allowed either? because i could break my leg?  ❞ ❝  plan’s crazier than it is sane...but there’s an irrestistible charm to it.  ❞ ❝  unbelievable! you said something romantic! you!  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  if anything should happen to you...  ❞ ❝  there’s not been a dark cloud yet that didn’t have a silver lining.  ❞ ❝  those are some fresh lookin’ scars you’ve got there.  ❞ ❝  no. no more about the battle. just hold me. and say something nice.  ❞ ❝  stay. this is the only home we’ve ever had.  ❞ ❝  you’re so charming when you try to be funny.  ❞ ❝  not proud of it...yet i considered all the options and found none better.  ❞ ❝  i look far different from when you last saw me.  ❞ ❝  i admire your optimism. wish i shared it.  ❞ ❝  and...try not to draw any attention to yourself.  ❞ ❝  nightmares haunt our nights and days. folk sleepwalk from their homes, never to return.  ❞ ❝  forgive me. it couldn’t be avoided. i truly am sorry.  ❞ ❝  well i’ve departed, escaped, been forced to flee so many times…yet i always returned. you ought to be used to it by now.  ❞ ❝  the human mind is as wild and unexplored a place as any land far beyond the sea.  ❞ ❝  you think you’ve won. you are wrong. i can’t die.  ❞ ❝  you’re something more. something more.  ❞ ❝  barely nicked me, i’ll be fine.  ❞ ❝  it’s just that i felt...stifled, in your shadow. i’d have suffocated had i stayed.  ❞ ❝  come, don’t just stand there. i want a hug.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely here! i could stay forever.  ❞ ❝  do what you will, but leave me out of this.  ❞ ❝  we should end this discussion -- before i say something i'll regret.  ❞ ❝  you all right? you’re as pale as death.  ❞ ❝  let’s get back to the hut. i’ll protect you along the way.  ❞ ❝  not to keen on talking about it, are you?  ❞ ❝  it’s better to die than to live in the knowledge that you’ve done something that needs forgiveness.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  at times one must use reason, rather than blades.  ❞ ❝  need some peace. gotta prepare.  ❞ ❝  i suspected it might not be the best idea, but i was desperate, had no choice.  ❞ ❝  so tell me how it happened. step by step.  ❞ ❝  it was a bit of a lark, a jest. i meant to bring it all back, i swear.  ❞ ❝  if i wanted to kill you, you'd be long dead by now.  ❞ ❝  that is precisely one of the reasons why i abhor your world.    your senseless brutality.  ❞ ❝  i won’t let them take you, you know that?  ❞ ❝  magic...childish hocus-pocus. it’s just not interesting. what i find fascinating are true tales of true human lives.  ❞ ❝  save your praise for others. i couldn’t give a shit.  ❞ ❝  well, well, i am impressed. doubted you still had it in you, frankly.  ❞ ❝  i like you. don’t make me hurt you.  ❞ ❝  you know very little can hurt you being immortal, so you take wild risks, chase extreme sensations. there comes a point you’ve done it all, and all seems boring and monotonous.  ❞ ❝  with you i finally feel...harmony. a calm. feel like things are the way they're supposed to be.  ❞ ❝  i'm afraid the dishwater’s as good as it gets in this establishment.  ❞ ❝  sorry to take so long, but i had to deal with the guards.  ❞ ❝  i’d never miss a chance to spend a pleasant evening with you.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. yet one more reason why you must die.  ❞ ❝  or perhaps you seek to trick me.  ❞ ❝  if you acknowledge any gods...start praying, now.  ❞ ❝  it’s very simple. you either deceived me...or not.  ❞ ❝  i am known neither for my sense of humor nor for my patience.  ❞ ❝  naturally, it would be easier with your help, but...you irritate me.  ❞ ❝  love questions like that. am i holding up? what, my dick?  ❞ ❝  we never hunt in these woods. not even if it means the whole village starves.  ❞ ❝  we’re only ever the ones to know the truth about ourselves.  ❞ ❝  you’re insolent because you believe i cannot afford to hurt you. and you’re right.  ❞ ❝  i detest graveyards, especially wandering them alone.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. you impede me too often. and i find your arrogance an annoyance.  ❞ ❝  i know it’s wartime, but try not to be a hero, all right?  ❞ ❝  i don’t know that i’ll make for engaging company. in truth, i rarely talk to men.  ❞ ❝  you know...had a dream about you recently.  ❞ ❝  i thought i could at least count on you to treat me seriously.  ❞ ❝  don’t ask questions you know the answers to. it makes you look stupid.  ❞ ❝  you’re nosy. starting to piss me off, you know?  ❞ ❝  what did i do to deserve this? have i given you cause to doubt my intentions?  ❞ ❝  don’t fret about me. i always get by somehow, right?  ❞ ❝  i wanted to go with you --- that was my idea.  ❞ ❝  i shan’t stray a step from your side.  ❞ ❝  if that’s what it takes to save the world, it’s better to let that world die.  ❞ ❝  what’s that supposed to mean? that a threat?  ❞ ❝  i’m offering a great and true adventure, an experience like no other, the fate of only the chosen few.  ❞ ❝  that’s like choosing between pestilence and the plague.  ❞ ❝  what’s it matter? i only ever thought of you.  ❞ ❝  did you know you’ve gained twenty-seven new scars since we’ve last saw each other?  ❞ ❝  i need to know the details if you want me to get my hands dirty.  ❞ ❝  don’t know you. go away.  ❞ ❝  ever vigilant, even in your sleep. quite vampire-like, in fact.  ❞ ❝  gotten used to people treating me like a freak, an outcast.  ❞ ❝  we share a cause, then. just like the old days.  ❞ ❝  ever considered becoming a burglar? skill like that’d come in awful handy.  ❞ ❝  there’s never been a frown that couldn’t be turned upside down.  ❞ ❝  honesty's an attribute of the truly brave --- and thus the privilege of the very few.  ❞ ❝  you do not have a monopoly in altruism, my friend.  ❞ ❝  great love demands great sacrifices.  ❞ ❝  i believe it wise at times to share one’s secrets, unburden oneself to those one can trust.  ❞ ❝  it would be nice from time to time if you could sit back and enjoy life, instead of going around solving everyone’s problems.  ❞ ❝  we shall dance until the break of dawn!  ❞ ❝  a man could lose his head for a lass like you.  ❞ ❝  don’t have to come if you don’t want. wait here.  ❞ ❝  never seen this side of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m to kiss the ground you walk on, is that it? but you just did your duty.  ❞ ❝  the day you give me a smile...that moment, that’s what i’m waiting for.  ❞ ❝  i need a soul intelligent and clever, an individual who fears no dare. someone like you.  ❞ ❝  if i was you i’d catch some shut-eye, not go on flapping my tongue.  ❞ ❝  the plan is simple...which does not mean it will be easy to execute.  ❞ ❝  sometimes you really get on my nerves, you know.  ❞ ❝  you shall not turn on me, use what i say against me? you shall not tell anyone?  ❞ ❝  gave you a chance. should’ve taken it.  ❞ ❝  always better to do a bit more and even gain nothing by it,    than to do too little and face regret.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely out here. the birds singing, the bees buzzing...blissful, really.  ❞ ❝  what a lovely dress. the color suits you exquisitely.  ❞ ❝  pretty fantastic tale. hard as hell to believe.  ❞ ❝  it’s time you discovered my romantic side.  ❞ ❝  you gotta understand the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.  ❞ ❝  can you not see i am out of my mind with worry?  ❞ ❝  every rose has its thorn, and there are no happy endings.  ❞ ❝  pretty quick to reject help. why is that?  ❞ ❝  don’t need to like each other. just gotta do our jobs.  ❞ ❝  frankly, if i can do something for you, i'll do it, willingly.  ❞ ❝  you were hired you kill me, were you not?  ❞ ❝  what’s it like, going toe to toe with a monster? knowing you’ve only two options --- to kill or be killed?  ❞ ❝  this place --- there’s evil here. death hangs in the air.  ❞ ❝  intellect counts as much as strength.  ❞ ❝  i run back inside, hasp the doors, and then i hear it --- someone whispering my name.  ❞ ❝  you know i like you. unlike the rest of this lot, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.  ❞ ❝  if you love somebody, set them free.  ❞ ❝  if you hate me so deeply, why don’t you tell me to my face?  ❞ ❝  i’m afraid you’d not realize which way the wind was blowing if you pissed straight into it.  ❞ ❝  that was courageous. i'd never expect it from you.  ❞ ❝  i am not easily impressed, but i must admit you have succeeded, my dear.  ❞ ❝  kill me if you must. i’ve nothing to live for anyway.  ❞ ❝  aren’t you an extraordinary beauty.  ❞ ❝  never suspected you believed such things.  ❞ ❝  wait...you want to go with me? out of the question.  ❞ ❝  used to it. not the first time i’ve been hunted.  ❞ ❝  enough of this hesitation, this fretting, these feelings of guilt!  ❞ ❝  strange working with you. strange, but great.  ❞ ❝  give me a moment. i must don something more appropiate and concealing.  ❞ ❝  killing comes as naturally to me as blowing my nose.  ❞ ❝  ......   another tale of a life compromised and ultimately claimed by greed and ambition.  ❞ ❝  in the future, though, remember this --- i can look after myself  ❞ ❝  you'd really worry about me if i went on alone?  ❞ ❝  you have many merits. you merely hide them from the world very diligently.  ❞ ❝  is it true virtue always trumps villainy?  ❞ ❝  watch my movements. i’m spry as a cat and sly as a fox.  ❞ ❝  ah, if only this could last forever.  ❞ ❝  few i can rely on like i can on you. kinda hoping you think the same of me.  ❞ ❝  you are angry at the whole world. you feel inferior, feel pain, though you mask this with confidence, arrogance, even.  ❞ ❝  there exist worries for which there quite simply is no other medicine.  ❞ ❝  your bones look thin, your breathing’s wheezy. afraid one punch might kill you.  ❞ ❝  to love is to build a house of cards, or play a game of chess, but one word or ill-thought move and you must start it all afresh.  ❞ ❝  i’m doing what i ever wanted to do, being who i wanted to be. i believe that’s one definition of happiness.  ❞ ❝  you’ve not an ounce of refinement in you, have you?  ❞ ❝  pain rules the body, but fear is born in the heart.  ❞ ❝  either i get burned, or i’ll burn all else down. no other options.  ❞ ❝  should you decide your sword is the sole solution, i shall not stand in your way.  ❞ ❝  c’mon, come closer.  ❞ ❝  would you prefer i treated you like the lying manipulater you are?  ❞ ❝  i regret nothing. one lives but once.  ❞ ❝  i just hope this tale has a happy ending. for me, for you. for everyone.  ❞ ❝  just gonna go our seperate ways? no parting words?  ❞ ❝  you still stand to be quite useful to me.  ❞ ❝  i suppose you wanted to frighten me...alas, you didn’t in the least. after all, i’m a monster too, am i not?  ❞ ❝  i trust no one. learned that long ago.  ❞ ❝  it cannot be! you actually have a sense of humor.  ❞ ❝  didn’t ask for a lecture on probability. need a simple answer --- yes or no.  ❞ ❝  another word, and i shall spill even more blood. yours.  ❞ ❝  you feel resentment, i understand, but we shall work through all the unfortunate matters of the past.  ❞ ❝  stop playing dumb. i know everything...your plan.  ❞ ❝  honestly can’t see what all those dames see in you --- you’re a stick in the mud.  ❞ ❝  not showy, lovely location...perfect for romantic getaways.  ❞ ❝  i hope you’re not upset i came like this, without warning...  ❞ ❝  i’m still a long way from mastering anything. but i am trying.  ❞ ❝  now i know how you do it. just annoy your opponents to death.  ❞ ❝  word on the street is there’s a hefty bounty on your head.  ❞ ❝  for a few days now i’ve been having dizzy spells.  ❞ ❝  i’ve always had a way with ostensibly dangerous types.  ❞ ❝  wound doesn’t look good.    patch that up quick if i were you, before it starts festering.  ❞ ❝  always seemed to me you were a very complicated creature, by nature. not one to resort to such simple methods like drinking your worries away.  ❞ ❝  may i be honest? yes, i’m nervous. i really would prefer to just run off.  ❞ ❝  father always said a wise man learns from others’ mistakes, so here i am, learning from his.  ❞ ❝  ever since that horrid night...everything has changed.  ❞ ❝  what’s wrong? afraid? gut feeling queasy?  ❞ ❝  used to bother me, all your secrets...now i know if you have something to tell me, you’ll tell me.  ❞ ❝  i so don’t feel like going anywhere. sit here a while longer?  ❞ ❝  there’s something i’d like to know...how can you be so damned calm?  ❞ ❝  my knees quake like a carnival rattle.  ❞ ❝  honestly didn’t think this’d work. doubted anything would happen.  ❞

[futurewriter2000]

' There are a lot of things that remind me of you. More than things should make another person nostalgic, literally everything makes me nostalgic for you.

It's odd because I got over you but the bus rides remind me of you. The day you bought me a bus ticket and the way you laid your head on the bus window. Your hair were so greasy and you closed your eyes meanwhile I talked. The scene was like picked out from a movie and I remembered it since then. Every time I ride the bus, I sit on our designated seats and for one person, four seats are too much. It almost makes me feel selfish but I just grew attached to it. I remember you sitting across me or two seats next to me. I remember your ripped jeans, white and black, both pairs that you wore. I remember the bus station you waited on, and the path you walked me home on and your block... and the bus station near my block where we met to go out and the bus station I walked you to... and the bench we sat on... and I just remember so much of you that it still makes my eyes tear up.

I remember the conversations we had about horror movies and anime... and I remember how other conversations we had made right triangle and Pythagoras' theorem a thing for us. I remember conversations about having trust issues and when you had told me about your ex and a random girl, who stole your favorite bandana hoodie. I remember the water that you bought us that morning when we got high on the meadow and my shoes were covered in drawings of your cat you named Snow and the triangles, flowers... I cannot wear the grandma jacket I wore that day. Every time I spray myself with Dolce Gabbana The One parfume, it reminds me of you because I wore it for you. I remember how I couldn't climb the stupid wall because it was too high and we just spent laughing for five solid minutes. I remember you telling me that you loved my energy. That morning you sent me your plushie with wack eyes, your favorite hoodie, your plant... I came home with such a smile on my face- God, I told so many people about that day because it was like a movie. With you it was always like a movie.

I didn't know what was going through your head since then but something did because when I was working morning shifts, standing there completely asleep as I had no time for my coffee, you scared me half to death and laughed. People thought you and me had something... we did, actually. We did have something but nobody knew what, not even us. I don't know why but since that moment you started to push me away and I remember that so clearly for some odd reason.

I could say that it felt like a summer fling but it happened from November till March. Then in April... you just started disappearing and how can somebody just disappear? I beat myself sensless since then. Crying and crying and crying and crying because I lost somebody special but it wasn't just that. I believed that somehow you thought I wasn't good enough to be in your life... or funny enough or that I was just too weird for you- I don't know. I just felt I was losing my mind over you. That you just left without saying anything... not even a goodbye. You just disappeared.

I worked those night shifts without you and I sat at the same table we sat, we met, we talking about pencils, us drinking red-bulls (some days you bought them for us, some days I bought them for us), you trying coconut chips and judging me for it, me getting you pistachios, me making no sense with a story because you just listened and I got lost because nobody listened that much to me... I didn't know where to eat because we spent time everywhere in that place. The stupid heater and you standing there looking at it like you had seen God. The bench where I sat and you stood, smoking. Some days I woke up and even though you weren't there, I smelled it and I took such a deep breath of it because I missed you so much. You making no sense by asking me why I don't smoke. Which is saved in my drawer of our weird conversations about how to fall asleep if you cannot sleep, how some scenes in horror movies are actually funny instead of scary, throwing up while high- which reminds me of the day we went to get burgers for us three and I paid and you looked at me and were like so confused of why. Well, I like to give to my friends and that is who I considered you to be for all those months.

I should have seen the red flags thought. The mood swings you got out of the blue, the tired eyes and the way you snapped at me sometimes, the hot and cold energy, the way you invited us to spend New Years but bailed, the invite to your birthday party and you bailed even though all of us got you a birthday present already... you said only pistachios from me would be fine... I didn't take that at all. Some people told me to get you a ring and I thought that was a bit too weird. It might look like I was proposing to you and you always were curious of what I got you for your birthday. I feel like you still are at some point. I got you matching Rick and Morty bucket hats... and pistachios because you don't eat sweets.

God, there are so many memories that place me back in that time. You telling me to must watch that show... my mask getting stuck to my brand new piercing and you helping me get it off... every time it got stuck to my hair. It got stuck just this week again and I thought of you and a rush of memories came with that but I just brushed it off. They don't affect me like they would... like they did when you left, I was working the same place where I was that day we were by ourselves. You drew on my shoes, every time we went on a break, Maria- I hope you still remember her because I do and she was the sweetest person. The grandma sweater that I adore, now it always hangs in my closet. My parfume- and the duck tape- OH! And my uniform that I drew on that same day. The cereal that sucks by the way. You have a terrible taste in cereal, which reminds me that you promised me a chicken burger and I had never recieved it from you.

And then I quit because I was so lost without you. I quit and I spent a month and a half gathering myself together. And the first night after I quit there, I met a great guy but by the end of the night I still thought of you. That was when I needed to start the whole letting go of you process that was going quite well... up until I thought of you out of the blue when I was blending strawberries and banana. I have no clue how you popped into my head like that but you did at times but this time making a smoothie had no connections to you- so I thought that maybe you were heavily thinking of me. Since then, you had been on my mind all the time. I went back to work and it was weird at first but I was okay. I wasn't crying on the bus back home, that's for one. Which meant that I was a step further than I was before but I still wanted to see you. I still wanted to see just a peek of you that you were alive. Maybe at the bus station, maybe at the path, maybe somewhere in my town but... the only day I didn't take the bus, my co-worker said she saw you. And I was shocked at first and I was mad that the only time I didn't take the bus, I could see you. Then she said you didn't really look well and I got upset because if I hate something more than sea food, it's hearing that somebody I used to care for a lot isn't doing well. I cried that day for you, after a long time but also decided that day that you're not my problem anymore. You're not a burden, you're not something I have to think of all the time... and I was glad I didn't see you that day because if I would, I'd be stuck again. I don't want to be stuck again... ever... because you mean a lot to me but not seeing you made you mean less to me. I know the moment we see each other again, you'll mean a lot to me again but I won't be emotionally attached like I used to be.

I moved on. I got over you. Something I didn't think I would. Back then when I was moving on, I was crying because I was moving on and I didn't want to. I loved memories of us, us in general. I missed your laugh and your smile and your eyes, your hair, your jacket, your jeans... just you but that's all they were becoming. Memories. All the people from my past start coming back to me and when they did, I just put you among them. You're behind. You're the past but a great yet complicated past.

And now there is somebody new in my life and I don't know where this will take us but he's great. He's stable and honest... and great. He sort of talks like you, which reminds me of you but he's not you and I like that about him. He's funny and smart and he likes books. He's got a really nice smile and he's interested in the same things I am. He keeps asking me questions and he listens to my answers. He's sweet and he also made me realise that I should really stop missing out on good things because of you.

You were a good thing in my life... up to a point you weren't anymore.

But now he's a good thing in my life and he makes promises he can keep. I love that about him...'

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “The Enemy of Trust”

Welcome to the finale, folks! A quick fun fact for you all. Total length of RWBY Recaps Volume 7 is:

68,611 words, or 115 pages single spaced. Yeesh. No wonder I never got anything else done on Saturdays.

Overall thoughts on the finale? There are pieces embedded in this episode that I really liked. Meaning, all these conflicts and reveals could be seen as truly wonderful bits of storytelling... provided you ignore the horrible, messy context it’s all situated in. For example, I greatly enjoyed that fight with Neo... provided I ignore the stupidity that was the group keeping the relic in the first place. I love the idea of Penny becoming the Winter Maiden... it’s just too bad there wasn’t any setup for that in the form of Penny’s emotional growth, either by re-bonding with Ruby or by something amounting from that frame job. I adore that Ozpin is finally back!! ...So I guess I just have to ignore how he pretty much only existed as thematic exposition and that his bad treatment by the writers hangs over his return. It’s all very “Could have been good if the rest hadn’t been so astoundingly bad.”

First though, before the plot, I wanted to dip by toe into some of the questions we went into this volume with and some of the primary ones that sprung up along the way. Simple answers are attached.

Will the group’s dangerous attitude be addressed along with the introduced hypocrisy in regards to secret keeping? Ha! Not at all. Everything was thoroughly reinforced and last we saw the group---besides generic airship shots---they were triumphantly defeating Ironwood’s evil Ace Ops. So that’s that on that.

Will Ozpin come back and will there be reconciliation with the group? Yes! But also no! Why have a volume tackling with the biggest personal conflict the group has ever faced when you could instead just have another “Ozpin speaks a handful of words during a life-and-death situation”? Yes, yes he gets that massive monologue. We’ll get to that, but suffice to say it doesn’t exactly accomplish anything. Just hammers home how desperate I am to have his character back that I’ll take anything they’re willing to give me.

How will the group handle the death of Adam---one of the most significant deaths to date next to Pyrrha’s---and how will the reveal of his brand impact Weiss and her time at home? It won’t. Blake and Yang vaguely reference him once and that’s it. Apparently killing your abuser in self-defense creates no lasting trauma we should deal with and major reveals from villains straight up don’t matter.

What will the story do with their new character Maria? Uh, nothing. She exists off screen for the entire volume, only popping up in the last second to (maybe?) help Pietro get the scrolls working again. Oh, and she’s stolen another airship.

How will Qrow’s alcoholism continue to impact the group and how will he learn to start managing his addiction? No idea because that happened off screen. And then was presumably erased when Clover died.

Will the group ever discuss the hopelessness attached to their mission and come to the realization that their fight is worthwhile even though they can’t kill Salem? Sort of...? Because yeah they come to that realization but, again, it happens off screen. More significantly, it happens so well, apparently, that the group is now willing to feed Ironwood’s own false hope (like the fandom claims Ozpin did to them) and will be able to stand in front of Salem herself and announce that she’s totally beatable. And we’re going to risk a whole Kingdom on that came-out-of-nowhere confidence.

What does the Staff of Creation do and how will our characters potentially use it in their plans against Salem? We learn that the staff keeps Atlas afloat and it’s definitely a part of Ironwood’s plans, so there’s that.

How will Ruby continue to train and improve her Silver Eye powers? In the messiest and most contradictory manner possible. We’re shown twice in the last three episodes that she can’t get them to work and then suddenly they’re working again when the plot wants Cinder to skedaddle because there’s five minutes of the episode left. Like Qrow’s semblance, Ruby’s eyes are based on a switch that the writers turn on or off depending on their whim.

What will this volume tell us about Nora given all the hype surrounding the importance of her character this season? Nothing, really. All Nora does is solidify her relationship with Ren in a non-consenting manner and yell at Ironwood about Mantle while helping to orchestrate the city’s lack of resources. Even ignoring the issues inherent in these scenes, what we “learned” about Nora this volume is that she loves Ren, is protective of those who come from a similar background as she does, and will run to hug Oscar when given the chance. So...nothing. 

Now the reason I provided this long-ass introduction is so that a) we can remember what we actually hoped/expected the volume to accomplish now that we’ve reached the end (RWBY introduces so many things that viewers---myself included---outright forget that we were supposed to tackle certain plot points or character beats) and b) to demonstrate just some of the writing problems that are impacting this finale. This is what I mean when I say that this finale could have been really solid if not for... all of that. And “that” is just a small sampling of the issues we’ve built up over the last two years. 

But on to the actual plot.

We open on Jaune yelling, “Give up!” at Neo, which isn’t a heavy-handed reflection of the entire RWBYJNR group or anything. As said though, I did really enjoy the choreography of this fight. Oscar gets that excellent moment where he catches the relic with his cane, as well as when he grabs hold of Neo’s legs to keep her from fleeing. Jaune manages to protect them with two different kinds of shields now embedded in his shield. It’s a shield-shield. And Neo herself is always a joy to watch, demonstrating so much personality as she teases her way through each attack. I was thinking throughout this scene that I’d love to see her and Tyrian fighting together. That would be an excellent blend of insane/arrogant enjoyment.

The problem is that Neo is just having such an easy time of it. Which, I should be clear, is what I wanted based on the logic of the situation. Neo should be able to kick their asses with relative ease. The only reason why this is an issue is because it severely complicates what we saw last episode. How was Oscar able to survive her attack for however long? How was he able to land such a solid punch when now Ren and Nora fly at her with the same kind of obviousness and Neo deflects them with ease? I’m thrilled that the finale gave us such a long moment with Oscar, but the series as a whole still has a problem with relegating most of his development off screen. Seeing the comparatively vulnerable farm boy face off against one of our strongest villains should have been a focus last episode, not something that happens in the ether of, “Well I guess all that worked out somehow despite Neo kicking their asses here.” It’s an issue of consistency and convenience primarily. The show seems to have the characters on a very malleable power scale nowadays. Oscar isn’t strong enough to help with the geist, but he’s strong enough to land the first solid hit on Neo. Team RWBY is strong enough to take out the most elite group of huntsmen in Atlas, but Team JNR isn’t strong enough to take out a single villain four to one. It makes it harder to invest in anyone or anything because we’re always on shaky ground. The viewers never know when the writing will obey the rules it has set up or chuck them away on a whim.

The fight is interrupted though when the guards spot them. Did Ruby mention that they were being arrested in her announcement? Did Ironwood announce that before or after Ruby called? I honestly can’t remember and right now I’m too lazy to check. I was just a little surprised that Jaune immediately knew to run from the guards, rather than going, “Hey, crazy woman attacking us please help.” But eh, I’m happy enough to chalk that up to either my own shaky memory or a small connection lost. RWBY has way bigger problems than details like, “How did so-and-so know about such-and-such?” Not unless that information holds way more weight.

So they flee and we actually get to see some reaction to fighting for once. Oscar in particular is clearly exhausted and his clothes are done-in from the battle. Later, while hiding in the training room, all four of them will be leaning against the wall, heaving after facing Neo. Again, this is good. This is how newly-minted huntsmen should be reacting to fighting people way beyond their skill level. It’s only a problem when we compare these details to what we got last week with Team RWBY. Showing JNOR’s exhaustion from a quick bout with Neo no way aligns with RWBY’s perky, totally fine, no auras broken and no tiredness characterization after facing off against four Ace Ops for a significantly longer period.

So there’s some serious plot armor at work there. It became even more clear this episode that Team RWBY won because Team RWBY always gets what they want, not because it makes any sense in-world. But we’ll have to deal with any other consequences of that next volume because they’re barely in the rest of this episode. Instead, we return to the Winter, Penny, and Cinder fight where Cinder casually tosses Penny aside with her grimm arm. She’s briefly held back by Winter’s summoned birds, but that’s hardly going to faze her in the grand scheme of things. In fact, Cinder still has enough energy and confidence to start some philosophizing while she fights. She tells Winter that she may think “hoarding power means you’ll keep it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.” Self-fulfilling words from the woman hell-bent on acquiring and hoarding all the Maiden powers? As absurd as Cinder’s beliefs are, that “And I refuse to starve” line was pretty badass. On the whole I think she’s a boring villain, but every once in a blue moon Cinder will have a cool moment before she becomes irrelevant again.

The fight continues as Penny returns to the fray and it sounded to me that she was making more noise during this fight than normal. Granted, we’ve rarely seen Penny engage in an all-out brawl that lasts for more than a few seconds, but the additions certainly help with where she’s heading this episode. Particularly moments such as when they’re outside and Cinder’s sword blows up in Penny’s face, causing her to outright scream. It’s a very human sound, setting up the reveal that yes, an android is human enough to take on the Maiden powers. And if you go by some fan theories, “woman enough” (for lack of a better term) given that her aura is a man’s, Pietro’s. Penny is a girl regardless of starting out with male aura, leading to some wonderful and interesting takes on her as a trans character. Now I’m not giving that praise to Rooster Teeth---this isn’t them giving us representation---rather, I’m praising the fandom’s ingenuity and ability to adopt characters into their own communities. You don’t need “evidence” to headcanon transness, but having a girl born of a man’s aura go on to acquire woman-only power can definitely help. 

Granted, Penny’s vocalizing here is just a tiny detail that I’m choosing to apply positively to an outcome. I nevertheless stand by my early belief that Penny simply didn’t have the development needed to land her in the Maiden position. Having her grapple with her own death, Ruby her resurrection, and the loss of Mantle’s support would have achieved that. It’s clear now why Rooster Teeth brought her back, but that doesn’t mean they’ve treated her character well for the last twelve episodes. Instead, in true RWBY fashion, a lot was introduced with no followup.

As said though, they take things outside to give us a decently cool battle between three characters who can fly. While in the air though Winter’s aura is broken and she starts to plummet. Obviously Penny catches her, to which Winter replies, “What are you doing? My life doesn’t matter!”

Sometimes I wonder if Rooster Teeth bothers to think about the dialogue they put in characters’ mouths. I mean seriously? Winter is not stupid. Nor is she so hard that---as the episode hammers home---she wouldn’t experience fear. So:

Anyone is going to be happy about being caught from a 100% deadly fall. In a situation like this survival instinct trumps responsibility. Even if it didn’t “responsibility” doesn’t make any sense here because:

They’re not giving up on the Maiden. Penny isn’t making a decision here that requires forever and always choosing Winter over Fria. They’re gonna turn right around and continue the fight

Seriously, it takes a few seconds to catch her. This isn’t that big a deal

The fight thus far has clearly proven that they need all the help they can get. Penny can’t take Cinder on her own and indeed, even with her aura broken Winter manages to be incalculably helpful

Fria still has her powers, which she’s about to demonstrate. Does Winter really not realize that Fria is still pretty capable of defending herself?

In short, this line is stupid. More than just stupid it’s twisting a character to get them to fit with the volume’s badly imposed theme. Oh look Winter cares sooooo much about her orders that she would needlessly die for them. Penny must teach her the value of her own life and how “blindly” obeying Ironwood is a big, bad thing. Come on. Lines like these---Harriet claiming the Ace Ops aren’t friends even though they clearly are, Qrow blaming Ironwood for Clover’s death when he’s not even there, Yang sniping at Elm about how she can’t think for herself---only serve to say Protagonists Good; Ironwood Bad. Rooster Teeth really loves to introduce justified and sympathetic characters, only to have other characters go OOC to backtrack on that verbally. Ignore what you’ve seen and just believe the nonsense words that never would have come out of this character’s mouth otherwise. And yes, that includes Yang and her comment to Elm. She is by far the most loyal character, considering that she’s canonically done things she did not want (following Ozpin) purely because Ruby was doing it. If the story had any sense embedded in it Yang would be the one who understood where the Ace Ops were coming from in their devotion to Ironwood, or at the very least the narrative would call her out on her hypocricy. As it is, the story functions around the “fact” that following Ruby is just intrinsically good. No matter what Ruby herself might do and how it does or does not compare to others’ actions. She’s the hero, always. In the same way, having Winter spout such a nonsense line works only to say, “See? Following Ironwood destroys all your self-wroth. Following Ruby? Like Penny does? You learn the value of friendship!” Never-mind that the first thing Ironwood does this episode is congratulate and apologize to Winter when he thinks he’s coming down into the vault...

Enjoyable pieces aside, I’m obviously still salty, but we’ll get to Ironwood in a minute. For now, Oscar is seriously dragging behind JNR and manages to get separated. He’s hidden from the guards by “Nora” who is, obviously Neo. Within the span of a second she’s gotten the relic and will keep it until she hands it over to Cinder.

Congratulations, team! Not only did you allow Ironwood to harm Mantle for weeks on end when you knew his plan was doomed to fail, you’ve also lost the relic you came to secure in the first place, thoroughly betrayed the one powerful ally you had in this war (just like you did Ozpin), have destroyed any hope of escape as---surprise!---Salem actually showed up, and you took out the one elite team who might have helped you fight her. Oh, and Qrow, you got arrested in the end anyway so congrats on getting your friend killed along the way. Seriously, how does anyone---how does the narrative---insist that these people are heroes? At this point this is a story about fallen heroes, but rather than emphasizing precisely how badly the group has screwed up the last two volumes and taking them on a journey back from the brink, they’re still being painted in a perfect light.

So... yeah. Relic is gone. Which we all saw coming the second Ruby happily agreed to keep holding onto it, then got protective when Ironwood mentioned taking it back. Loyalty aside, you cannot possibly think the relic is safer on your or Oscar’s belt than it is in a freaking magical vault. The group should be denied the title of “heroes” for their stupidity and arrogance alone. Especially when they never bothered to tell Ironwood that there was still a question left. That might have changed his mind about letting them carry it around. 

Thus, relic in hand, Neo makes easy work of the rest of the team. Most notably by keeping Nora’s face and giving Ren sad eyes when he tries to strike her. This is a really good moment of visual storytelling and more how RWBY should be using their fights to do double-duty and develop characterization. Neo’s trick not only demonstrates her cruel skills, but tells us precisely how deeply Ren cares for Nora. Even knowing that’s not her he hesitates. Then, obviously, we’ve got the tears as the team runs off. So obviously things are still eating at him and their relationship is a big part of that... which just makes me all the more frustrated that the story passed over his fears at the party. I really don’t care how eager everyone (myself included) was to finally get a renora kiss. We never should have seen Nora ignoring those problems and insisting on moving the relationship forward in a way he clearly wasn’t ready for yet. Ren’s words told us that, as does his grief now. Everyone was wondering if ignoring his anxiety would come to a head in the form of Ren siding with Ironwood, but we didn’t get the chance to find that out this volume. Which, I get it. RWBY doesn’t have a lot of time, but that’s precisely the problem. Tiny tid-bits are dropped and then ignored for weeks, if not years on end. That moment between Ren and Neo was excellently crafted and told us a lot about both, but ultimately it’s just another moment cast adrift from everything else. Who knows if this plot-line will actually continue in Volume 8’s premier, if at all.

So Neo wanders off in an Atlas disguise and hands the relic off to Cinder. What’s Cinder going to do with the relic precisely? Not sure. Gonna have to wait on that one. We do have some decent setup for Neo’s betrayal though. She not only looked pissed at Cinder just snatching the prize, but sad about it too. Neo has always been driven by her own, messed up love, notably for Roman. Now that he’s gone it seems like she was looking for someone else to latch onto. Now that Cinder has proven that Neo is only a tool to her, she’d better watch her back.

Returning to Fria. She, as said, still has a lot of kick in her and easily pushes Cinder back. “That’s the power of a fully realized Maiden,” Winter says as crazy power shoots into the sky. Again, good setup... if I believed RWBY was capable of following up on anything. Remember at the beginning of the volume when Harriet dropped setup on Ruby’s semblance? Yeah, nothing came of that either. And though it still might, again, when? I know I use this example a lot, but you can’t introduce Raven speaking with Tai, drop that for three years (or longer), and then pick it back up like that’s still a relevant thread to follow. By having Winter proclaim that this is a “fully realized” power we imply that others, such as Cinder, may be able to become more powerful as well, but there’s little faith on the viewer’s part that such a line will actually amount to anything. Or if it does, it will happen so far in the future that most viewers will have forgotten about it.

For now though Fria is super-duper powerful. Cinder and Winter can’t even get near her. So it’s up to Penny, the one person not made of flesh and blood, to get the job done. I like that. Great use of difference as a strength. So she dives in and gets Fria to calm down, reigning her power back in. They discuss transferring the power and when Penny tries to remind her of the consequences we get, “I’ll be gone. I know I have a hard time remembering, but I remember that.” Hey. Hey, hey. I want the entire fandom to pay attention to this line because a lot of you still have a tendency to erase agency so as to more easily pin the blame on characters you don’t like. Pyrrha didn’t choose to fight Cinder against Ozpin’s orders, Ozpin killed her! Qrow didn’t choose to fight Clover and team up with Tyrian, Ironwood killed Clover! The Ace Ops didn’t choose to be loyal and maintain the responsibility they swore as military huntsmen, Ironwood just brainwashed them into being obedient puppets! Here, we get another glorious reminder that yes, these characters can actually think and act for themselves. Even the characters with dementia. Asking someone to do the hard thing (Pyrrha) is not in any way comparable to making them. It’s crystal clear from Fria’s line here that Ironwood spoke to her about the situation. He, like Ozpin, was upfront about the consequences. She in turn decided to accept this duty. Yes, I know I’ll die. I’ve accepted that. I have a job to do and I intend to complete it.

So yeah, #stop-taking-away-one-character’s-agency-just-because-you-don’t-like-another-2020.

Penny is thus faced with a glaring responsibility of her own: will she take on the Maiden powers? Because Fria may remember her job, but not who else was supposed to complete the job with her. Was it you? Penny, meanwhile, is looking at all that ice and wondering if Winter can even get here in time. It may well only be her... unless they want it to be Cinder.

As she thinks through this decision we return to JNR. Ren has a brief freak-out about how “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” but instead of a truthful statement about their maturity and skill levels, the story twists it into a false statement by having Ren start yelling at Nora and placing unnecessary blame. We’re not supposed to believe him here because he’s irrational and lashing out... even though I think “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” is a 100% truthful statement. The last two volumes have proven to me, if no one else, that having a job with that much power and responsibility isn’t just about whether you can swing your scythe really well. It’s about having the emotional fortitude and, as said, majority to treat it as a job and put that responsibility ahead of your own desires. RWBYJNR has consistently demonstrated that they’re unwilling to do that. It’s their way or the highway, damn promises, responsibility, loyalty, or consequences.

Before things can really break in the group though more soldiers show up and as they’re hiding behind Jaune’s shield he realizes that Oscar is missing. Over the comms Oscar says that he has something he needs to do alone, heading for the vault. I really appreciate this moment because Oscar is the one person in this group who has actually extended some of the unity and sympathy that RWBYJNR keeps yelling that everyone needs to give to them first. He apologizes to Ironwood whereas Yang sticks her nose in the air and insists she did nothing wrong. He approaches Ironwood and asks to find a way forward together while Ruby yells that Harriet has to do what she wants or no, I won’t stop attacking you. We get that moment where Ironwood thinks it’s Winter descending and goes, “I know that must have been hard for you. I’m so sorry,” demonstrating his own care and compassion. We see Oscar embodying Ozpin in his folded hands, use of the cane, and harder eyes, despite the fact that it’s still him in control. 

He has a piece of that maturity the rest of his team lacks. He’s open, Ironwood is open, they’re poised to do what the others around them can’t...

Too bad it all goes to total shit.

You know, I feel like I should be more mad about this but at this point I’m just kind of numb. Why in the world would I be surprised that Rooster Teeth would erase all the work above to turn Ironwood into a generic villain? They did it before, or did I suddenly forget the twenty-minutes that humanized Ozpin only to be followed with two volumes of bashing him non-stop? I knew Ironwood was going to get screwed, I just didn’t think they’d go so far as to do it like this. And shame on me because I should have.

There are times when things happen on screen... but by god it isn’t canon. Because it’s just too stupid to be canon. It’s so horrifically out of character that the only explanation is that this is an impersonator and the writers just forgot to tell us that along the way. Because James Ironwood would never kill a child. Or hell, maybe he would, but it would have to be under RADICALLY different circumstances from these. People realize right that this is so beyond out of character as to be laughable, right? We get:

A man who has devoted himself to fighting the biggest evil his world has ever seen

Learning the importance of care over brute strength, adopting Ozpin’s lessons by giving Mantle Penny

Has spent the last year trying desperately to keep all his people safe, making the hard calls in order to achieve that

Was beyond delighted when the group first appeared, kneeling down before Oscar and hugging Qrow

Has frequently asked after Ozpin throughout the volume, demonstrating a strong desire for him to return

Immediately forgave the group even after learning about Salem’s immortality, still pushing forward with them

Just sacrificed his arm in an effort to continue protecting those around him

Finally realized he didn’t have allies in this team and called only for their arrest, not any violence or mistreatment

Hired the Ace Ops, a group whose conflict was their need to perform that arrest pushing against their desire not to hurt anyone

Ironwood just began the scene by extending sympathy and apologies to another

And you’re going to tell me that this man, this man defined by his compassion and desperate need to protect others... is going to shoot the 14yo kid housing one of his oldest friends? Shoot to kill?

Because make no mistake, that was a killing shot. Ironwood knew Oscar was at the edge. Even if it hadn’t broken Oscar’s aura, that fall isn’t anything you can survive without Humanity 1.0 magic---magic Ironwood clearly wasn’t counting on to save him. They literally took this man and erased EVERYTHING that made him-him, deciding that randomly Ironwood kills kids now because he dislikes a conversation. Kills Ozpin too. It makes zero sense... but you know all precisely why they did it. Because Ironwood is the villain now. He dared disagree with Team RWBY and now that he’s an antagonist they had to make sure he did something he couldn’t come back from. You don’t try to kill the youngest of the group and then come back into the fold. Ironwood is finished. He’s either going to die next volume or the group is going to lock him behind bars as a “witty” parallel of him trying to arrest them, dropping a one-liner about how they’re sorry it came to this.

Which, obviously, I absolutely despise. The rest of the episode? Had a lot going for it. Cool and interesting developments that might have been great if not attached to the horror show of the last twenty-five episodes... but still cool and interesting nonetheless. This? This is the worst thing RWBY has done to date because they not only irrevocably messed up one of their best characters, but they did so in a way that highlights everything that has been wrong with the show the last two years. There was no buildup to this. None. Don’t @ me with “But Ironwood is unstable and the Tin Man has no heart.” No and also no. Rooster Teeth simply decided that they wanted him as a villain and made that happen in the span of a few seconds. It’s just as absurd and insulting as if, last volume while angry at Qrow, Ruby had picked up her scythe and cut through Weiss as a form of anger management. Ironwood aiming to kill the kid he’s been bonding with all volume and Ozpin to boot because they’re having a slightly heated conversation is insane. 

Which isn’t to say that conversation itself helped matters. Because Ironwood remains right. Those are all pretty, philosophical questions, Oscar, but what are we going to do about our situation? Oscar might express more sympathy then Team RWBY, but he’s just as naive and dangerously stubborn. He doesn’t have a plan either, just a continuing insistence that they try. In fact, his arguments are really... nonsensical in places? He says that if Ironwood abandons Mantle they’ll lose hope of uniting the whole world, even though we’ve never established why that’s still a goal when a world-wide army can’t defeat Salem. He likewise makes the absurd claim that because Ironwood is thinking about the big picture “Then you’re as dangerous as she is, James.”

No??

If RWBY is going to incorporate philosophy and moral conundrums into their writing then they actually need to do the work to think them through. Because sorry but the man making a currently still necessary sacrifice in order to keep the world as a whole safe is not the same thing as the genocidal grimm queen hell-bent on destroying it. Again, do they think about the words they’re putting into the characters’ mouths? The worst is how many viewers just eat it up. Because Good Boy Oscar said something vaguely wise-sounding then it must be true...never-mind the absurdity of the statement itself. I love Oscar to bits, just not when the writing uses him as a prop to promote these absurd themes. Not to keep dragging Witcher into every possible part of my life, but it immediately reminded me of this quote from Geralt. “You wizards are all the same...

Just because Oscar says it with confidence doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

Which is where we end up. Oscar falling, Ozpin arriving, the two of them managing to survive the fall. I have to admit that at this point Ozpin’s return just felt damn underwhelming to me. Like yes, of course I’m thrilled he’s back, but watching them mangle James like that just kicked all the enjoyment out of the rest of the episode. That, combined with the fact that Ozpin’s return actually was pretty lackluster. I mean, I feel like a shit for complaining about the thing I’ve wanted since the beginning of Volume 6... but is that really all we get? Ozpin doesn’t save him, Oscar saves them both, because he apparently has complete access to the magic and memories now. What does Ozpin matter then? Ozpin doesn’t speak really, just says Oscar’s name and is then cut off because Oscar doesn’t want to hear anything he has to say unless it’s about saving Atlas. He does express something like gratitude though--- “You’re back, aren’t you? You saved me”---so that’s more than we’ve gotten from anyone else. And Ozpin does narrate... but who is that to? Obviously very reminiscent of our series’ premier, but is he speaking to Salem again? We’re not told---or shown---and as it is that monologue exists purely for the audience. It’s a speech we could have gotten from any character and just happened to get it from Ozpin. It’s not being spoken to Oscar and therefore not forwarding any of the relationships that still need to be mended. In fact, this could well be a speech Ozpin gave years ago, disconnected from who he is now. Perhaps the biggest issue is that the speech is all about fear, further hammering home the finale’s BS stance that Ironwood being afraid of actual, legitimate threats made him into an unhinged child-killer.

Because his “paranoia”? It’s about this. This is what Ironwood was afraid of.

And oh look it’s here.

So yeah... I just can’t fall in love with this moment as I feel I should. RWBY has burned me too many times lately---the last time seconds before this scene---and frankly now that Ozpin is back I don’t trust them to treat his character well. So his return is automatically laced with more worry than excitement to see what comes next. Because if they do this to Ironwood, somehow who has done nothing but try to help this whole volume, what the hell are they going to do to Ozpin, someone who actually lied to and kept secrets from the precious team? I want him back, but not while we’ve got these themes going. I’m legit worried about how the group will react to his return and what the narrative is going to make Ozpin do as penance for his supposed sins. I’m not really thrilled about the prospect of watching more assault that’s painted as heroic justice. Normally I’d be going, “Well you never know, RWBY could prove me wrong...” except that after Ironwood? I really don’t think it will. Because Ozpin may ask, “Will you forgive them? Will you understand why they felt the need to do the things they did?” but it’s “staring back at you is the very thing you should have feared from the start” is what we get when Ironwood is shown again when he’s told Winter doesn’t have the power, he can’t open the vault, and he has no way of escaping this army. Rather than painting this as a tragedy that’s on our “heroes,” Ironwood is just made to look deranged. The story doesn’t encourage us to forgive him, no matter Ozpin’s words. 

The scne was pretty though! lol. Stunningly gorgeous, really. If I just turn my brain off and don’t think about everything surrounding Oscar falling while Ozpin re-joins him, it’s an absolutely fantastic scene...

Yeah, the rest of the episode is mostly things I’ve already covered. Maria picks everyone up in their “getaway ship” because her character apparently only exists now to provide comic relief in the form of illegal actions. 

Penny takes on the Maiden powers while Winter holds Cinder off with no aura. That was badass as hell.  Go Winter, you’re still one of my faves this volume.

Ruby conveniently uses her silver eyes even though they’ve failed twice in the last three to four episodes. 

Qrow is arrested and holds onto Clover’s blood-stained badge. 

Robyn is apparently just fine. 

Watts is potentially getting freed by Tyrian, or else was just distracted by the arrival of Salem, I honestly wasn’t sure. 

The only other thing of consequence is that Winter and Weiss acknowledge that they’re on different paths. They can’t support one another in who they’re loyal to, but Winter will still give her sister a head start.

Oh, that moment and this, of course.

I’ve already spoken about my very iffy feelings about introducing Salem as an actual enemy before the final volume and those feelings are compounded by this absurd denouncement of hard, practical choices. I mean... seriously. What is the group going to do at the start of next volume? “These readings can’t be right,” an Atlas soldier says, horrified at the number of grimm that are appearing around them from an ominous red cloud. That entire army we saw at the end of Volume 6. Plus a giant whale grimm that could easily swallow any of our heroes (Pinocchio reference, anyone?), plus the immortal sorceress who could do any number of things to obliterate you---and take all the time in the world to do it. Like... they’re screwed. They are dead and Ironwood was 100% right to try and take whoever he could to safety and regroup. Except that obviously the series doesn’t end in tragedy here so they’ll wiggle their way out of things somehow. It just won’t be satisfying. Because we absolutely have a hopeless situation here and the story hasn’t allowed the group to acknowledge and then try to circumvent that in any practical manner. Ruby’s silver eyes will inexplicably get crazy powerful. Or Salem will randomly decide to leave. Or they’ll discover some new and untapped skill through the power of friendship. Then, at the end of it all, we’ll be told to look back at Ironwood and call him crazy for trying to save lives with a realistic approach because see? We managed a miracle after all.

I can’t believe I’m going to watch that nonsense. But I will. Because RWBY was a show that I loved and some small part of me still hopes it’ll return to what it once was. At the very least I need to find out what happens to these characters---no matter how stupid and insulting---and this episode, despite all my expectations, did give me tiny glimmers into what RWBY used to be. Moments that were fun or badass or legitimately touching. I almost wish it wouldn’t, just so I could make a clean break with the show. Absolute trash is better than trash that demonstrates skill just enough to make you think there might be hope for a better written story the next time around. Ah well. At least writing the recaps is always fun!

So I’ll still be here, answering asks and chucking out nonsense. Feel free to come join me if you’re ever inclined.  

Until next volume 💜

[werewolfdays]

Touch prompt #8 please!

8. to protect:

“Why use trail cams?” I asked as I tightened the straps of one on a tree, “I mean, it’s not like Ivan can’t afford some fancy security. He’s definitely invested a lot into the Lodge itself.” 

Jayde always moaned and complained whenever she had to replace the trail cameras around the Lodge’s property, so I figured I would join her this time around. No one liked doing this particular job. I suppose it was pretty tedious. Jayde and I have spent the majority of the day replacing two dozen trail cameras scattered around certain points along the perimeter that were considered blind spots for patrols. 

We used an off road jeep to make things go faster, but the process became a little mind numbing. Drive, park, set up cameras, go back to the jeep, drive, park, set up cameras… I didn’t even notice evening was approaching until it was getting more difficult for me to see. 

“Well,” Jayde started to answer patiently, half distracted by activating another camera, “For more than a few reasons, actually. These cameras are built to be out in the elements and they last a long time without any maintenance. They’re camouflaged. It’s cheaper and less conspicuous to be buying them. They’re motion activated so we don’t have to comb through hours and hours of footage if we need to. And these ones in particular give us alerts when they’ve caught something.” 

“Those are all pretty solid reasons.” I said and accepted the newly activated camera she handed me. 

She shrugged, “Sometimes you don’t need fancy equipment. Just functional.”

The two of us trudged quite a distance away from the last one, making sure that the cameras were all evenly spaced out. Now that I was aware of the approaching darkness, it seemed to consume the dense forest a lot quicker, the clusters of branches soaking up the blackness of night. It was noticeably darker once we arrived at the next point. I fished into my pack for a handheld flashlight, glancing at Jayde enviously as she went to work on activating a camera without any difficulty seeing the mechanics. 

“This isn’t the worst date night.” I remarked while I waited for her to finish with the camera and hand it to me. 

Jayde snorted, “I suppose. Could definitely be a bit more romantic though.” 

I leaned my shoulder against the trunk of a tree and sported a smirk, “What isn’t romantic about setting up trail cameras with your werewolf girlfriend in the middle of the woods?” 

Her amused grin drifted up towards me for a moment, “There is a nice ambience.” 

“And we’re doing an activity together.” 

“Sure. Even if it’s not exactly the activity I’d prefer doing on a date night.” Jayde’s eyes flashed up again to shoot me a wink. 

My cheeks grew hot at the hidden meaning she was hinting at. “I’m sure you can wait a little longer for that. We’re almost done.” 

The forest grew pitch black by the time we headed to our last tree. The flashlight in my hand was the only thing that allowed me to see at all, and even then I would get slightly tripped up by the occasional root or rock. Jayde remained close and alert for me, her gaze shifting over our surroundings with meticulous focus. I really had no clue how she could sense anything in that seemingly endless darkness, but I was grateful for it. The woods can be kind of creepy at night sometimes. Especially this close to the property line where Jayde would patrol for threats. 

I struggled a little more than necessary when attaching the last trail cam to the tree, trying to juggle the flashlight in my hand while connecting the straps. It took me a little too long to realize I had an extra pair of hands with Jayde here. I rolled my eyes at myself, holding the camera in place with one hand and holding the flashlight out towards Jayde with the other. 

“Can you hold this for me?” I asked with a brief glance over my shoulder. My grip on the camera wasn’t as secure as I intended, it started to slip out of place and I brought my other hand back to catch it, but that just made everything jumbled up in my arms. “Crap. Jay, I could really use a hand here.” 

“Nadya.” Jayde said. 

My name came out of her mouth in an extremely tense whisper. A warning exhaled under her breath. I didn’t even need to see her for that to put me on high alert in just under a second flat. My head turned towards her and the first thing I saw were her glittering amber wolf eyes staring out into the darkness. She was looking outwards from the property line, her entire body still, every muscle coiled and ready. 

“Come here.” Jayde commanded quietly, “Turn your light off.” 

I obviously couldn’t sense whatever she was sensing, I couldn’t even hear anything out there in the night. Nevertheless I did what I was told, knowing without any doubt that if Jayde was certain something was out there, then something was out there. Turning off the flashlight would get rid of one of the only senses I had that would help me in this situation, but I felt confident with Jayde having my back. Once darkness engulfed us, I slowly lowered the trail camera down on the ground and took careful steps towards the shape in the dark I knew was Jayde. 

As soon as I got to her, Jayde held out an arm in front of me like a shield. Her hand rested on my hip, the protective touch easing my nerves, and she slowly pushed me behind her while her gaze remained firmly locked on whatever she sensed lurking in the cover of trees and night. I held onto her arm, peering over her shoulder to try and find any glimpse of movement at all, but there was nothing my human senses could pick up on, which was frustrating. 

“What’s out there?” I whispered, only loud enough for Jayde to hear. 

She didn’t answer me, only stood as still as a sentinel and waited. Her muscles were so rigid that it felt like the hand gripping her upper arm was holding on to stone. I couldn’t see her face, so I focused once more on the curtain of black before us. The longer I stared, the more I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, swirls of shadow swaying back and forth while my eyes desperately searched for anything. I even thought I could see vague pinpricks of light. 

Then I started to think that it wasn’t an illusion of night. Two pinpricks seemed to be getting closer, traveling low to the ground. A snap of a twig confirmed this was no figment of my imagination. With its cover now blown, the strange wolf released a low rumbling growl that raised all the hairs on the back of my neck as it continued to stalk closer. 

The wolf got within twenty feet before Jayde finally let out her own menacing warning, “Not a step closer.”  

They halted at her words, but didn’t stop their challenging grumble. My eyes had adjusted enough to make out the shape of the predator, to see that this wolf was not on the small side. Apart from the glowing yellow eyes and the flash of white teeth, I couldn’t make out the color of their coat, but it had to be dark to blend in so well with their surroundings. 

“Leave. You want in, then I suggest you come back with a better attitude.” Jayde stated with slow and commanding words. 

The wolf didn’t seem impressed by Jayde’s display of authority. In fact, their growls seemed to become deeper and more threatening and they started to pace back and forth like an animal trapped in a cage. They didn’t advance just yet, but this behavior made me think they were looking for an opening. My heart started to race. 

“When I tell you to go to the jeep, you run.” Jayde ordered under her breath at me. 

I gripped her tighter in an unwillingness to leave her side, but I wasn’t sure how I could match a massive werewolf, in their wolf form, in the middle of the night. There were even doubts bouncing around in my head at Jayde’s chances. She was a strong and capable fighter in both of her forms, but this beast had fangs and claws, whereas she was stuck without hers right now. We stupidly left the only gun we had in the jeep. The long day of work made us careless. Maybe this wolf had been stalking us all day, waiting for this exact opportunity. 

There was no time to ponder a defensive plan because the wolf decided to strike. The black mass of snarling teeth and fur sprang forward so fast that their glowing yellow eyes became a blur. 

“Go!” Jayde shouted at me, shoving me away from her and preparing to meet the hostile beast. 

I scrambled away on instinct, but the image of Jayde getting torn apart by this rogue wolf popped into my mind and the terror of it made my limbs turn into lead. Then I realized I wouldn’t have gotten very far anyway, because when I turned around, I saw the large werewolf gunning straight for me. 

It felt like my heart completely stopped. Jayde couldn’t get to the wolf before it got to me, I didn’t even have the time to cry out. The massive beast slammed into my body, taking me down and knocking all of the wind out of my lungs once my back impacted with earth. I was nearly crushed under their weight. 

Was this it? I thought. At the very least, a bite was guaranteed. There was nothing to stop the wolf from tearing into me. All they would need is a second to do it and I would be totally helpless for exactly that long while Jayde rushed to get to me. 

All I saw was a snarling mess of razor sharp teeth baring down towards my throat. I shut my eyes, bracing for the moment they clamped down. But I didn’t feel any pain. Only heard the loud clack of snapping jaws next to my ear with a short rush of wind. My eyes suddenly opened in confusion, thinking that they somehow missed their mark, but then I saw the satisfied expression on the werewolf. They weren’t trying to kill me or turn me. They were trying to scare me. 

That’s when Jayde got to us. She used all of her strength to tackle the giant wolf off of me and engage in a vicious attack. While she might not be in her wolf form, she still delivered a bone breaking right hook straight into the wolf’s face. They yelped and flinched away from her, trying to shake off the blow. Her own furious snarls echoed into the woods as she went for another devastating attack. The element of surprise was her advantage, but only for a few moments. I could see that the enemy werewolf was about to gain the upper hand. They managed to strike with a swipe of their claws, ripping through Jayde’s jacket and knocking her off balance. The opportunity was used to pin her down.  

“Jay!” I called out hoarsely, still struggling to regain even basic breath. 

I couldn’t just lie here and do nothing. There had to be something around that could help me. Somehow the flashlight was still in my grasp, but that was too small to be a useful weapon. After oxygen finally returned to my lungs, I turned it on to desperately look around. Maybe a rock or a big enough stick would help. Then my beam shone over the backpack we left by the tree and I remembered the hunting knife we had. It wasn’t as ideal as a gun, but it was certainly better than nothing.  

I shakily got to my feet and rushed toward it, hoping that Jayde would be able to hold out for a few more seconds. My hands scrambled inside the pack until my fingers finally wrapped around the handle of the blade. I pulled it out, discarding the sheath, and directed my flashlight over to the battling tangle a few yards away from me. It was impossible to tell if Jayde had been hurt, but the dark brown wolf was big enough that I wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally stabbing her. 

I ran at them, wasting no time in raising my arm and bringing the knife down on the back of the werewolf that had my girlfriend pinned. The blade sunk more than halfway in and the wolf let out a high pitched whine, recoiling away from us. I pulled the knife free and firmly placed myself between Jayde and our assailant once they made their retreat. 

“Stay back!” I yelled, glaring at them. 

They glared right back at me in both contempt and surprise, clearly not expecting me to injure them at all. 

Jayde sprang up behind me. I almost turned around to check on her condition, but I knew I should never take my eyes off of an enemy. She carefully took the knife out of my hand and stepped in front of me once more, breathing hard and full of rage. 

“That all you got?” She challenged. 

A human chuckle sounded from within the trees and a man stepped into view, holding his hands up casually, “Okay, okay, we’ve had our fun.” 

It was hard to make out any details of his face, but he was a fairly tall man. Possibly not that much older than I was because his voice sounded mature, yet still somewhat young. He carried himself confidently, surprisingly laid back despite the tense scene. I frowned as his shoulders still shook with laughter, not understanding how any of this was funny. More puzzling was when he waved his hand and the wolf that just attacked us backed off. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Jayde’s voice shook with fury at the revelation that this assault seemed to be a big joke of some kind.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. After what you pulled at Miranda’s gathering, you honestly didn’t think nobody would come and test the might of a new alpha.” He mocked and took a nonchalant step forward, “You’re lucky I didn’t tell Bruce to bite your little human. I only wanted to mess with you a bit.” 

Jayde held a protective hand out over me again, her palm resting flat against my abdomen to make sure I stayed where I was. I could tell she would not budge from her place in front of me this time. 

“Let me make something extremely clear to you.” She used the same tone with this man as she had when warning the wolf, and I actually saw his smile start to fade, “No one threatens her. I don’t give a shit if it’s just a joke. Anyone that hurts her or scares her, whatever the fuck, will answer to me.” 

The stranger’s laugh grew slightly nervous at her intensity. Bruce, the werewolf I stabbed, was lying down in the dirt and whimpering, trying to reach the wound on his back to nurse. I almost volunteered to look at it, but I couldn’t imagine Jayde would let me anywhere near these two. I wasn’t exactly eager to get close to the massive wolf that nearly tore my throat out either. 

“Look, maybe it was a bit… much... to toy with your mate like that. No hard feelings, alright? Why don’t I buy you two a drink at the Lodge and we’ll have a good laugh about it?”

Jayde didn’t seem swayed by that lackluster apology, “You’re not going to the Lodge. I won’t allow it.” 

The stranger scoffed and stood up straighter. I gathered this man was an alpha in his own right, though I didn’t recognize him at all. He had to be from a lesser known pack. “I have permission to enter from Ivan Cortez himself. You have no say.” 

“I do have a say.” Jayde growled, “Ivan gave me the authority to remove individuals who display violence on these grounds unprovoked. Which means I get to tell you to promptly fuck off.” 

He snarled quietly, pulling a phone out of his pocket and going to dial a number, “We’ll see about that.” 

“Go ahead. Call Ivan and tell him I say you’re not allowed in.” The alpha hesitated at her words, sensing more to them just like I did, “I don’t care if he clears you. You take one step over that line, it won’t end well for you.” 

After a long moment of pondering his chances, he lowered the phone and placed it back in his pocket. 

“Apologize to her.” Jayde added in a curt command. 

Even in the dark, I could see the stranger scowl, but I sensed his attention drift over to me, “I apologize for any offense or any injury I’ve caused. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” 

I gave an accepting nod, “Maybe you’ll find a better sense of humor in the future.” 

“Maybe. You two have a good night.” He said while backing away. The stranger motioned for his pack member to follow and the injured wolf hobbled along after his alpha. Jayde must have done more damage to him than I previously thought, there’s no way my stab wound alone was causing him to limp like that. 

Once they disappeared back into the woods, Jayde fully turned to face me. Her expression became one of concern as her hands ran over my body to assess any potential injuries on me. I doubted I would have anything more than some bruising later, but Jayde still looked frantic. 

“Are you okay?” Her golden eyes searched me as thoroughly as her hands did. 

“I’m fine, Jay, I’m okay.” I quickly reassured her, trying to use my flashlight for my own inspection. 

There was some blood splattered in her clothes where Bruce’s claws made contact, but not too much. Hopefully they were shallow cuts. Either way, I wanted to get her back home and to the clinic. 

“He didn’t bite you? He didn’t draw any blood?” She gently cupped my face and scanned my features. 

“No. I’m okay.” I repeated confidently. 

Jayde pulled me into such a fierce embrace, burying her face into the crook of my neck. She took in a deep breath to inhale my scent, and released through a long sigh that allowed her tense body to soften. I held her too, feeling just how terrifying it must have been for her to see that wolf take me down, and I let relief wash over me in the safety of her arms. 

“Are you okay?” 

She nodded against me, “Just some scratches, it’s nothing.” 

We pulled back enough to look at each other again. Jayde’s eyes no longer had the glow of her wolf and her hand came up to rest on the side of my neck, her warm palm against my pulse like she needed to feel the steady beat of my heart against her skin. Her thumb brushed my jawline and I was overcome with the comfort of her contact, tilting my head forward until our foreheads lightly bumped together. 

“That stupid motherfucker...” She cursed under her breath while shaking her head, “I’m so sorry.” 

“We were expecting something like this to happen. It definitely wasn’t okay, but it could have been worse.” I told her. She was still tense, so I leaned in. 

The kiss I pressed to her lips was gentle, yet reassuring, wanting to make sure she was positive that I was fine. She melted into me even more when she kissed back, causing me to smile a little against her mouth. I kept it brief, giving her one more peck before pulling away from her. 

 “Let’s set that last camera up and get out of here. I wanna go home.” 

“So do I.” She murmured. 

But Jayde wasn’t fully satiated yet. Her other hand came up to mirror the one cupping the side of my neck and she leaned in to give me a deeper kiss than I had given her. This one was more intimate than the last, pulling me in and anchoring me to her, banishing any lingering fear from both of us. A warm emotion replaced it, pooling in my chest like a sunrise, and making me feel completely safe again, even in the darkness that surrounded us.

Her lips made one more soft stroke against mine and then Jayde slowly broke away from me, walking back to the tree where the trail camera was left and strapping it on the trunk.

[honeybammie]

burn › hwang hyunjin

↳ all you’ve been able to think about for weeks is your drunken kiss with hyunjin, but he doesn’t even remember that it happened.  ↳ i guess this is fluff? it’s basically just,,heavy making out with jinnie ↳ wc: 3,751  ↳ hyunjin has been wrecking my bias list lately (sorry felix) and i rlly just wanted to write about making out with him so enjoy if ur thirsty like me 

I have been avoiding Hyunjin for three weeks minus one day, which is the longest we’ve gone without talking since we were elementary schoolers, but after what happened last time we were alone, I can no longer look him in the eye without blushing a furious red and sputtering on my words. The easiest way to keep myself from turning into a fool is to avoid him entirely—not the best method, but it’s all I can think of.

Chan is having a party, like he does every so often, and there are enough people around that I think I can continue to avoid Hyunjin, since I know he’ll be there, too. He never misses the opportunity to mingle amongst friends and friends-of-friends. Part of his charm is being able to whisk people away with his easy, comforting smile and breezy laugh, and it works on everyone. Including me.

I attend because I know my best friends will be there and drinks won’t be far out of sight and I have to uphold my tipsy solitaire record. I haven’t lost a game in months, but for the past few weeks I’ve barely been drinking anyway, afraid of letting myself go and losing my senses like I did so recently.

I’m sure Hyunjin notices that I’ve disappeared. At first, he continued texting me as normal, but after I failed to reply to half a dozen messages, he stopped trying to get a hold of me. If he does see me at parties, he doesn’t approach. When I see him, I turn the other direction and distract myself with something else.

Unfortunately, whether or not Hyunjin realizes, someone else does. Jisung corners me in the kitchen as I’m sitting on the countertop, slice of pizza in one hand and plastic cup full of juice and rum in the other. Minho is trying to tell me a story, but he’s already had a few drinks and can’t keep his wires straight.

When Minho sees Jisung, he forgets his story entirely and throws his arm around his friend. “Jisung!” he exclaims. To me, he says: “Look, Jisung’s here.”

“I noticed,” I say, lips quirking into a smile.

Jisung is less concerned with Minho than he is with me, looking straight into me as he asks, “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

I raise my eyebrows, ready to object or ask why, but there’s a clear intent in his eyes that makes me realize he wasn’t really asking me to join him, but telling me to.

“Alone? Without me?” Minho gasps. “We’re not supposed to keep secrets!”

“It’s not a secret, it’s just…something important.” Jisung tries to come up with an excuse, but it still sounds like he’s talking about a secret. “Will you come with me?”

“Sure,” I agree, taking one last bite of my pizza and throwing the crust in the trash. I bring my cup with me, but on my way through the threshold I cast another glance at Minho. “Take it easy, alright? Drink a water or something,” I instruct, which he replies to with an enthusiastic thumbs up. I don’t know if he’s going to listen or not, but I don’t have time to confirm because Jisung grabs my wrist and leads me out onto the front porch, where no one is because everyone is either crammed into the living room or hanging out on the back patio or in the swimming pool.

“What is it?” I ask when Jisung releases my wrist. I take a sip from my cup. It’s still my first drink, despite the fact that the party is entering its third hour.

“Why are you avoiding Hyunjin?” Jisung demands.

I almost choke on the alcohol, and it burns hotter in my throat than usual. “What?” I feign ignorance, like I can somehow lie my way out of this one, but I already know I’m being backed into a corner.

“He’s been saying for weeks that you won’t speak to him. At first he thought maybe you were busy, and I told him to wait it out, but this is week three and it’s getting out of control. He says he can’t even find you when you’re both at the same party, so what the Hell is wrong?” Jisung is demanding, defensive, and I imagine the pitiful look in Hyunjin’s face, wondering what he did to upset me.

I bite my lip, pondering my next words carefully. “He really doesn’t know?” I ask Jisung. “Why I’ve been avoiding him…he has no idea?”

“Should he?” Jisung pressed. “All he remembers is that a few weeks ago, we were all at a party like this, and we were all pretty drunk hanging out on the couch, and then suddenly morning comes and you won’t even look at him.”

I had considered that Hyunjin might be avoiding me, too, but Jisung only proves that Hyunjin has no idea what happened, which should make it easier for me to go forward in our friendship, but the fluttering pit of my stomach forbids it.

“We kissed,” I admit, and it’s the first time I’m saying the truth out loud. I expected to feel like a weight was lifted, but the two words sit heavy on my chest. Jisung’s stare does nothing to help.

“You what?” He gathers himself after a few moments. “There’s no way. He’d remember.”

I shrug, trying to be nonchalant, but I’m almost certain my face is a half-dozen shades of pink. I can only hope Jisung doesn’t notice in the dim lighting of the porch lamp.

“Clearly he doesn’t, and I’d kind of like to keep it that way, but I can’t hold a conversation with him without thinking about…yeah.”

Kissing is an understatement, actually, but I don’t tell Jisung that.

Three weeks ago, ten of us were crammed on seven seat cushions, watching the newest episode of a shitty reality TV show we all liked despite being too drunk to follow along properly. Hyunjin had been next to me all evening, and I was quickly noticing that he was twice as affectionate when he was drunk, which was saying something considering how often he clung onto us in his everyday life.

I wasn’t sure if Hyunjin was doing it on purpose—laughing into my neck so that his lips grazed my skin, splaying his palm across my thigh and lingering there far too long for me not to notice, leaning into me so that I could smell his cologne and feel his taut figure underneath his shirt. I tried to credit all of these things to our close proximity on the couch, but that didn’t change the way my breath hitched every time he brushed close enough.

I excused myself to the bathroom, half because I actually had to go and half because I needed to clear my head of all of Hyunjin’s little touches. He did this all the time, I told myself. He was known for his constant want for physical contact, and he would’ve done the same things to any of the other guys if he had been next to them. Right?

The bathroom was attached to Chan’s bedroom. When I opened the door to return to the group downstairs, I found Hyunjin sitting on Chan’s bed, glassy-eyed and swaying a little bit, his center of gravity thrown off. He was completely harmless, but I almost screamed at the surprise, clinging onto the doorframe to keep my balance.

“You scared me,” I hiccuped. His attention was locked on me, eyes slightly hooded. I assumed he was tired, dazed, lost in a world of his own intoxication. “What’re you doing here?”

“This is the line for the bathroom, right?” He asked. The sentence came out in a singular word, spaces blended together, and he stood, stumbling towards me on unsteady feet, all of his dancer’s grace gone.

I don’t remember whether I answered or not. I tried to step out of his way, make room, but he stilled me by placing one hand over mine on the doorframe, his palm warm against the back of my hand. He was only steadying himself, I thought. If he didn’t hold onto something, he’d fall.

I meant to say something, but whatever it was left me when I looked up at him. Bottom lip caught in his teeth. Eyes scanning my face. I flinched when his other hand came to rest on my jaw, my pulse thick underneath, pumping blood and alcohol and maybe a flicker of courage.

He was staring with an intensity usually reserved for longtime lovers. That much I remembered, since it was my last thought before leaning forward and closing my eyes, welcoming him, silently begging, and he pressed his lips to mine and his fingertips held deeper into my jaw. He tasted like fruit, like alcohol diluted with pineapple juice because he didn’t like the burn. But I wanted the burn to swallow me whole.

I reached for the back of his neck, running a hand through the silky wisps at his nape, and for a moment I felt myself falling forward before I realized he was stepping backwards. Not pulling away, but pulling me along until we fell together. His back hit the springs of Chan’s bed with a dull thud, forcing us apart for a brief second. His chest was solid underneath mine, his body as intoxicating as the liquor coursing through both of us.

“Was that okay?” he asked, raspy. His eyes were still barely open, but he must’ve noticed when I gave a slight nod. “Can I do it again?”

“Please,” I mumbled, my mouth already aching to meet his again.

The coolness of his rings made me realize that he had worked his hands under my shirt, not yet roaming, but gripping my waist in silent need. When he pulled away to catch his breath, his lips ghosted against my collarbones, nose nudging the side of my neck. “You taste like cherries,” he said, and I sighed in response to him digging his nails so gently into the flesh of my sides.

When he readjusted his hands a couple inches to find the hem of my shirt, he looked me in the eye again, brown eyes almost black with the dilation of his pupils. “Can I take this off?”

I almost said yes, almost let him devour me. A million thoughts of drunken bravery flashed through my mind at once, all of them filthy. His chest and his lips and his hands and his—

And then clarity, just enough for me to push myself up, opening up a canyon between the two of us. We were in Chan’s bedroom, with all eight boys waiting for us downstairs, and we were in no condition for sex. Hyunjin sat up, vaguely confused, but already he looked like he had no idea what had happened. He needed to sleep, or drink some water, and in any case kissing me or sleeping with me should be at the bottom of his to-do list.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, fixing my shirt and running a hand through my hair so no one would notice what we had done. I gave no more comment, still running through the last couple minutes as I hurried out the door and back to the living room, completely oblivious to what was happening on TV.

“Took you long enough,” Changbin teased.

“I was fixing my makeup,” I lied, but no one would’ve suspected as such. None of them could’ve guessed on their own what had just happened, and they were so entranced by the show or by their drinks that I doubted any of them noticed I was gone a moment too long. And when Hyunjin returned a couple minutes later, I was the only one who looked at him, desperate for him to return my gaze, but he didn’t even sit next to me.

Now, with Jisung burning a hole into my head, I shrink into myself, all of the confidence from a few weeks ago gone. When I think of Hyunjin, all I can remember is his body beneath mine and his lips on the edge of exploring every inch of me, but he has no idea. He was probably off in the pool flirting with someone else while I was with Jisung.

“Do you…like him?” Jisung ventured when it was clear I wouldn’t give more details on my own.

“I…I’ve been trying not to think about it. We’ve all been friends since we were kids, and I can’t imagine ruining that. Maybe it’s best that I don’t tell him, you know?”

“And avoid him forever?” Jisung scoffed. “He deserves to know what happened so the two of you can work it out.”

“He was probably just pent-up and I was the closest person available. It probably doesn’t even matter,” I argued, but in honesty, I was terrified of telling Hyunjin the truth, terrified of him brushing that night off like dust. He had looked at me like kissing me meant something—like it meant everything—and having him forget was bad enough without him telling me that it was a mistake, that he hadn’t really wanted to.

“If you don’t tell him the truth, I will,” Jisung said. “He’s distraught that you won’t say anything, and you can’t lie to him. This is serious, and—”

“Fine, okay. I’ll do it.” I couldn’t stand listening anymore, and if anything was worse than Hyunjin telling me that kissing me was a mistake, it was losing him entirely. “Do you know where he is?”

“Out back. I’ll show you.” Jisung doesn’t drag me this time, but leads me through the house and to the stone patio in the backyard, lit up by string lights, and when I find Hyunjin amongst Woojin and a couple girls I vaguely know, he knocks the wind out of me.

“Wait, I changed my mind,” I blurt out, turning away to go back inside, but Jisung is too fast and grabs my arm.

“Hyunjin, over here!” Jisung calls, waving his hand. I despise him, but to keep unwanted attention off of me, I don’t struggle against him.

Hyunjin’s whole group glances over, and I hold my breath as he meets my eyes. His expression is unreadable, a far cry from his usual transparency. There’s no drink in his hand, I notice, and I wonder if both of us have been avoiding alcohol these past weeks.

He says something to the other three that I can’t hear, and Woojin pats him on the back as he goes. Hyunjin’s looking only at Jisung now, expression unchanging

“What’s up?” he asks, showing a faint smile, but it’s so forced I can’t stand it.

“We…need to talk,” I say because Jisung has gotten us this far and I know he’s not going to help any longer. “Can we go somewhere?”

I don’t want to be alone with Hyunjin, but having to explain in front of anyone else might turn me into ashes, so it’s my only option.

Hyunjin casts a wary glance at Jisung, as if asking if this is a trap, but Jisung nods toward the house, earning me a short, “Sure,” from Hyunjin. “Should we go upstairs?”

“That’s fine,” I say, but already I’m sweating. As I wind through the house again, I barely check over my shoulder to see if he’s following, and part of me wishes he wasn’t. I don’t know if I’m ready to be in Chan’s room with Hyunjin again, but I don’t have much of a choice and can’t think of another plan before we’re exactly where we were three weeks ago.

Hyunjin sits on the bed, waiting, just like before, but this time he’s waiting for me instead of the bathroom, and all I can do is pace the carpet.

“Are you going to explain why you haven’t spoken to me at all in almost a month?” Hyunjin asks, and I can’t tell if his tone is demanding or desperate.

“Are you mad at me?” is my first question. It’s the one that burns most in my head and if he’s already mad, I’m scared that the truth will anger him more.

“I’m…” he starts confident but trails off, his exterior starting to melt as his eyebrows crease together. “I’m confused. One night we’re best friends, and the next morning you refuse to talk to me, or look at me, or even be near me. I just…did I hurt you? Did I say something, or—”

There’s a fear in his eyes that has me standing in front of him in a heartbeat, anxious pacing forgotten. “No, no, Jinnie. You would never,” I cut him off, half-whispering. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We just…”

“We?” he asks, something new crossing his face, like his fear has met curiosity.

“We kissed,” I say, which is all I told Jisung, but I realize this is going to require the full story and I spit out words faster than I think of them. “When we were all watching that show, you kept touching me, and I tried to tell myself that you’re just clingy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I came up here to go to the bathroom. When I came back out, you were sitting on the bed, and then you stood up and—” My voice catches. It’s only a memory, but in all of its shrouded haze, his eyes are still clear as day, and his lips soft and satin.

“And?” Hyunjin presses, reminding me what we’re here for.

“You kissed me. Or I kissed you. And you pulled me back to the bed, or I pushed you back to the bed, and you asked to kiss me again and I said please and we kept on kissing for…forever, probably. I don’t remember how long, and you asked if you could take off my shirt but then I remembered this is Chan’s room and we were so drunk, and I ran out and…yeah.”

“And yeah,” he echoes, and I step away to brace myself. I wish I had a way inside his thoughts so I would know what he intended to say before he said it. As things are, waiting is torture and stretches to infinity.

“I’m sorry,” I say even before he gets angry. “Neither of us knew what we were doing, but it’s okay if you’re upset or don’t want to talk to me.”

He runs his hands over his face once and stands, like his body is made of lead. “I can’t believe this,” he says, and I shuffle backwards one more step. I think I’m going to cry, a decade of friendship ruined by one mistake that I could’ve avoided. I was more sober. I should’ve stopped him before he had the chance to kiss me.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, resisting the urge to run out again. I have to face whatever happens.

“Sorry?” he whispers. With every step backward I take, he follows, and I’m the one this time who can’t look him in the eye until he cups my chin with both hands and makes me. He doesn’t look angry, at least not with me. His eyebrows are creased and his mouth hangs a little lax and—don’t look at his lips.

“The first time I got to kiss you…and I don’t even remember it.”

I watch him harder, search deeper, and notice that he looks like he’s reaching for a memory that’s just out of grasp, and he can’t stand it.

“I’m so sorry.” It’s his turn to apologize, and I can’t figure out why. He lets go of my chin to reach for my hand, and I don’t look away, nor do I move when the tips of his fingers nervously brush mine. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, and I wasted our first kiss when I was drunk.”

I barely understand what he’s implying. I’m not even sure he’s real until I reach my other hand to the back of his neck, a vaguely familiar territory. “Are you drunk now?” I ask because I’m afraid that the same thing will happen twice, that he will only want me when he can’t think straight.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t had anything since that night.”

So these are his sober thoughts. Part of me doesn’t believe him, but I have to. His regret at having forgotten makes me feel almost as bad as his anger would’ve. He’ll never remember our first kiss.

But he’s still looking at me with those eyes that remind me of lovers and I know that this is real and I have been holding my breath for three weeks while waiting for another chance.

“You can do it again,” I whisper in a voice barely my own.

I think he’s about to ask twice, but I don’t let him. Still holding the base of his neck, I bring him back to me, remind him how our lips fit together, and even if he doesn’t remember, his subconscious does, somewhere deep down, because he picks up where we left off, all needy hands and tongues and breathless sighs into my neck that prick my skin and send jolts through my spine.

I’m backed against a wall, hardly aware of how I got there, and Hyunjin is talking again.

“If we hadn’t been so drunk, and if we hadn’t been in Chan’s room, what would you have said?” he asks, balling the front of my shirt in his hand. The bigger question makes me dizzy, all of the blood in my head draining elsewhere.

“We’re still in Chan’s room.” I gasp when he presses a grasping palm against my hip. His face is disguised in the crook of my neck. His open mouth leaves a trail on my exposed throat, my collarbones, my shoulder.

He stops, briefly, to say, “Entertain me. If we weren’t in Chan’s room, what would you say?”

I didn’t realize before, but my hands are no less guilty than his. They have wandered from his neck to his jaw, down his torso so that I, too, am holding onto flimsy fabric, sinuous body underneath, one I have been picturing every day for weeks and dying to discover.

He’s patient as he watches, waiting for my decision.

“I’d say yes,” I tell him, burning all over, just how I want to be. “Please.”

[the-truest-sentence-i-know]

Chapter Seventeen | The Return

Fandom: Disney’s Descendants

Summary: Quinn Little, raised in Auradon by Little John, finds out that her heritage is not what she thought it was. When Little John tells her that her real father was a villain, she must go on a journey of self-discovery that will bring her to all the forbidden places in the United States of Auradon.

Pre-canon & canon compliant to the first Descendants film.

Word Count: 2.7k  |  17/23

ao3 ||| ff.net ||| wattpad ||| quotev

Jax, Saoirse, Jukes, Cyrus, and Quinn sat around the table in Jax’s cabin and Quinn recounted how she got to the Isle in as much detail as she could. When she had finished, they all sat in silence for a few moments and she could not help but remember Mark’s warning: getting back will be a lot harder.

“Well, getting into the harbour area will be much harder now; Maleficent has upped security since…” Jukes trailed off, but Harper’s name echoed in the silence. “But she doesn’t know about our secret entrance.”

“Yet,” Cyrus amended. “We should do this as quickly as we can because it’s bound to be discovered sooner or later.”

Jax nodded. “You can use the tunnel, we can cause a distraction. How you get on the ship will be on you.”

“This Mark fellow,” Saoirse said. “He will be able to help you from the other side?”

“Only if we get a message to him somehow, then he could cause a distraction on his end,” Quinn agreed.

“What about that kid who caused a power outage in Auradon City for half an hour?” Cyrus asked. “He might have the tech.”

“The de Vil kid?” Jukes said. “He’d probably be able to send a message, but I don’t think he would do it or keep his mouth shut about it.”

“Carlos de Vil?” Quinn asked and they nodded. “He might for me.” They all looked at her in surprise and she shrugged. “He owes me a favour.”

 “You want me to send this message to this cell number in Auradon?” Carlos asked. “And not tell anyone?”

Quinn and Jax nodded. They sat in the back of Jafar’s Bargain Shop, where Carlos had a box of electronic trinkets, which he fiddled with as they discussed the plan.

“Do you know how many people would love to send messages to Auradon? How much money I could make if they knew I could do it?”

“We’re not saying you can’t tell anyone you can send messages, just not about this specific message,” Quinn insisted.

Carlos regarded them both, considering it for only a moment before nodding. “Alright, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

And so it was sent out: “I’m coming back. Next Saturday. Need a distraction. Down with John.”

“Down with John?” Jax asked.

“So he knows it’s me,” Quinn said. “It’s a thing the Merry Men used to say.”

 Time moved more quickly than Quinn wanted. In the flurry of preparation, she managed to pull Cai aside and tell him everything she could remember from her first aid classes. In the weeks he had spent by her side caring for the sick, he had kind of become her protégé.

The kids were on their way toward recovery, and their quarantining had meant no one had fallen ill since Corinna. She was also doing much better and although they told her it was not her fault that harper died, Quinn could tell she felt guilty about it. No one in any other gang had died of whooping cough that they knew of, so there was hope that this year’s cases were not as serious.

She and Jukes got a drink the day before, sitting at a table in the back rather than their normal spot at the bar so they would not be overheard.

“What do you think you’ll miss the most about this place?” Jukes asked.

Quinn thought for a moment, then grinned. “Being able to drink, obviously.” She held up her beer. “I’ll have to wait another year to be allowed in Auradon.”

“Damn,” Jukes said, clinking their bottle with Quinn’s. “It’ll be rough.”

Quinn smiled. “But seriously, I’ll miss the people: the whole Crew, you, Nia, Nabil, Hugo, Clove –”

“Jax,” Jukes interrupted teasingly.

“Yes,” Quinn said, smile soft. “And the little Powder Monkeys: Jade, Corinna –” There it was again. Harper.

“We’re all going to miss Harper,” Jukes said quietly.

Quinn nodded. “I’m doing this for him as much as every other kid on this island.”

“To Harper,” Jukes said, raising their bottle. “May we all be willing to do anything to save our friends.”

“To Harper,” Quinn echoed.

•••

Crewmembers were stationed all around the edges of the harbour with fireworks they would ‘lose control of’ as soon as they saw the signal. Jax and Quinn stood at the end of the tunnel that led into the warehouse nearest the water. Quinn had said her goodbyes to everyone but Jax and knew she could not stall any longer.

“In a few minutes, you have to start down the tunnel. Then I’ll wait five minutes before I signal the others,” Jax explained, even though they had gone over the plan about a million times before. “The fireworks should give you about ten minutes, so you have to move quickly.”

“I know, Jax,” she said.

“Do you have everything?” he asked.

“Dagger, sword,” she said, patting the hilts on her belt respectively.

“And do you have –”

“Jax,” Quinn interrupted. “I have everything I need; I checked like five times before we left.” She took his hands in hers. “It’ll be fine.”

“Hey, blind arrogance is my thing.”

Quinn smiled. God, she would miss him. “Not blind arrogance,” Quinn said. “Confidence, in both myself and the Crew.” She took a breath. “I guess we have to say goodbye now.”

“Not goodbye. More like, see you later,” Jax amended.

“We don’t know how much later it’s gonna be,” Quinn said. “I’m gonna miss you.”

He grinned. “Who wouldn’t?” His face turned more serious. “I love you and I believe you can do this.”

Quinn smiled. “I love you too.” And when he kissed her, all she could think was how much she hoped that he was right and that this would not be their last time together.

And then it was go-time. A quick hand squeeze, a sharp nod, and she was off down the tunnel, watch on her wrist counting down the five minutes. She had only been down the tunnel once before since supply runs were not her usual detail, but Saoirse had drawn a detailed map of the warehouse and Jukes had taken her up to a tall building nearby, from where they could see the layout of the harbour.

In two minutes, she had reached the end of the tunnel and listened for a moment to make sure no one was on the other side before removing the plank of wood that covered the hole. The warehouse was dimly lit, but her eyes were already accustomed to the darkness of the tunnel. She put the wood back over the entrance of the tunnel – marvelling how well it blended into the wall – before surveying the warehouse. According to Saoirse’s map, there was a side door that led to a narrow walkway that the ship would pass by as it left for Auradon. She would have to get on board while it moved past.

Quinn slunk between stacks of crates and piles of burlap sacks, a hand of the hilt of her sword. Just as she spotted the door, she heard footsteps and wedged herself between two crates. The stops grew louder and Quinn barely dared to breathe as a troll passed right by her hiding place. She did not move until his footsteps retreated so far that she could no longer hear them. She looked down at her watch; the distraction would start in less than a minute, meaning the ship would be passing by soon.

She peered out of her hiding place and – seeing no one – scampered for the door. As her hand touched the handle, she heard the first of the fireworks go off. She heard trolls roaring and running in the direction of the sound. She tugged the door open and stepped out into a narrow wooden walkway, letting the door close behind her.

The planks creaked under her weight and for a terrifying moment, Quinn was afraid they might collapse, but they held. She heard the roar of the ship’s engine and looked to her right. It was not moving too quickly yet, having just cast off, but Quinn knew she only had about a minute to plan her way onto it.

She regarded the churning of the water around the hull apprehensively. There was no way she could get on from the water; she would be pulled under. There were three sets of ladders attached to the side of the ship – one in the front, one in the middle, and one near the back. She would just have to hope she could make the jump.

If anyone was up on the bridge, they would see her on the first two, which left only the third ladder. She would only have one chance at this.

Fortunately, it was not the first time she had done something like this. All the Sherwood kids had basically grown up in the trees, so regular old tree climbing grew boring. To entertain themselves, they had to think up more and more interesting ways to get through the trees every summer; they also got more and more dangerous, until someone fell, and they all got in trouble.

One summer, it was tree-hopping. Sam Scarlett – one of the eldest Sherwood kids, and also the most daring – had started it. In the beginning, they would just make short jumps between close branches, but of course, the distances got farther and farther, with fully planned out courses and routes to get from place to place the fastest. By July, they had figured out a way to bend branches to fling people even further.

Quinn had joined in enthusiastically and though she was never able to jump quite as far as the older kids, her size was to her advantage for tree-flinging however, since she could go farther than the others. She had been just too young to grasp the danger, so there was nothing quite like flying through the air, arms outstretched for a tree branch barrelling towards you.

Unfortunately, one day Marian saw her flying through the air and put an end to it all – although a lot of kids still used the tree-hopping routes to get places faster.

But now, she saw the danger. It was a long way down to the water, which whirled threateningly beside the ship. Quinn watched anxiously as she watched the first and second ladders bass by. The figures in the bridge seemed to pay her no mind, just a VK hanging around the harbour. The bridge passed by and Quinn prepared for the jump.

The ship had started to turn, the bow curving away from the side, which brought the stern closer. Quinn bounced on the balls of her feet as it neared.

When the ladder was nearly across from her, she jumped, arms out. She hit the side with a louder bang than she had expected, a rung knocking the wind out of her. She managed to hold onto a rung, knuckles paling as she found a foothold.

Gasping in a few breaths, she hurried up the ladder and hopped onto the deck quietly. Through the fireworks that were still going off, she thought she might have heard a triumphant whoop.

She ran, half-crouched, down the deck until she found a door to the hold. Before she went down, she looked back at the Isle, which looked very much the same as it did when she first arrived over a year ago on this same ship. Nothing had really changed about the island, but she saw it differently now. There was Jukes’s favourite outlook spot, the clocktower of Frollo’s chapel, and she could just see the mast of the Jolly Roger.

And of course, she was different – in so many ways she did not want to think about it right now.

So, with a last look back, then a glance at the approaching lights of Auradon, Quinn slipped into the hold.

•••

Mark’s diversion of dogs, cats, and rats, stampeding the harbour worked remarkably well. Quinn – clad in the loose pants, shirt, and cap from her previous crossing – was able to slip off the ship unnoticed. At the edge of the nearby clump of forest where she had said goodbye to Mark, she waited in the dark, eyes peeled.

A hand grabbed her shoulder and in a moment her sword was out, flashing in the moonlight.

“Hey, it’s me!” Mark exclaimed, stepping back quickly. “Don’t decapitate me.”

Quinn breathed a sigh of relief, sheathing her sword before hugging him. “It’s good to see you, Mark.”

“I’m just glad you got over okay,” Mark said. He held her at an arm’s distance. “You look different, stronger.” He noticed a scar on her arm and raised an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, that’s old,” Quinn said quickly. “And of course I look different, it has been a year.”

“Well over a year,” Mark said. “I was starting to worry you’d never come back.”

If not for the quick succession of whooping cough and Harper’s death, she probably would not have, Quinn realized guiltily. “So, did you train all those small animals for just such an occasion.”

“No,” he said with a grin, leading her to a clump of bushes where she saw the silhouettes of two horses waiting for them. “You remember Peggy Piper from school?” She nodded. “Well, I suggested it might be fun to collect the small animals from the area and lead them on a tour around Auradon City. It just so happened that the route passed through the shipyards at the right time.”

“What a happy coincidence,” Quinn said with a smile.

They had reached the horses and Quinn immediately recognized one as her own. “Onyx!” she exclaimed. “Hey, buddy.” She stroked his velvety nose and buried her face in his mane.

“We could probably get going before anyone investigates where the animals came from,” said Mark.

They mounted their horses and disappeared into the night.

•••

“So, why did you decide to come back?” Mark finally asked. “Life on the Isle didn’t suit you?”

“It did, it’s just...” Quinn sighed. “the kids there need help.” She looked at him. “And I can help them more from over here than over there.”

Mark shook his head. “How can you help them from here?”

“I don’t have a full plan yet, but I want to change the public perception of VKs, and eventually get them the help and resources they need.”

“Like what?”

“Like actual medical care, for a start,” Quinn said. She paused for a long moment, the only sound being the horses’ hooves on the gravel road. “How’s my dad?” Quinn asked finally.

“He’s holding up,” said Mark. “He’s worried for sure, and he blames himself for you leaving.”

Quinn sighed. “I know that leaving was kind of selfish, but maybe now something good will come out of it, with the VKs.”

The sun began to rise as they entered Sherwood Forest and Quinn breathed in deeply. She had missed the scent of the dirt and leaves and grass and pine needles so much. She closed her eyes, hearing the leaves rustle in the slight breeze and the soft thumps of the horses’ hooves on the path.

Quinn heard a twig snap somewhere to the right and her eyes snapped open, hand automatically reaching for the dagger on her belt.

“Quinn?” Mark looked concerned. “What is it?”

Frowning, Quinn shook her head. You’re safe here, she told herself, but that did not relax her very much. “Nothing,” she said, looking straight ahead again. “It’s fine.”

She knew that he was still looking at her worriedly, but ignored it. Maybe she had changed more than she realized.

They neared the village and Quinn spurred Onyx to a gallop, skidding to a halt in front of the tree that held their home.

Home.

“Dad?” Quinn called as she jumped off and sprinted towards the house. “Dad, I’m back!”

The door was open by the time she got there and Quinn threw her arms around Dad’s neck before he had a chance to say anything.

He held onto her tight. “You’re safe,” he breathed. “Thank goodness you’re safe.”

[mitterstorm]

Dance For Me

Chapter 1

“Finally we are here today to seek and to receive comfort. We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation. We are not too proud to acknowledge-

You couldn’t take it anymore, just by standing here listening to that preach addressed his departure. Your knees feel weak and your eyes burn, but you refuse to make a scene, taking deep breaths while clenching your fists is helping you calm down.

Still, it’s not enough.

You want to scream again just as you did when you saw his body limp against yours, scratch your arms in attempts of making the pain and hurt go away. To drift your mind from these ugly feelings.

A sick way of coping indeed, teensy bit of self-harm ain't going to kill you. It helps you somehow, preventing yourself from breaking even further in a public place like the cemetery.

Finally, you regain control of yourself and shift back to the preacher. Unfortunately, he concluded, now you have to prepare for the worse.  

Henry, who is your most precious friend, is dead. His body was being carried away in the concealment of a coffin; he said his last farewell to you early in the morning when you ate breakfast with him, offering your company so he wouldn't feel alone, regain some strength by appreciation itself.

Something was up that morning; the old fart was more talkative than usual and flashed a smile here and there. You are at fault for not noticing from the start. You should have been more perceptive and observant; you are keen on people after all, especially when he gave you that look as if he was parting ways with you. He didn’t fight death, accepted it as embracing a hug from an old friend. That thought alone fills your head with doubt.

Was he even happy when he left?

 Did he feel satisfied with the life he lived?

 Were you enough?

 Fuck, you never would've imagined his passing will affect you this much.

<<You old geezer, why were you so kind to me? Why did we let ourselves get attached?>>

The time is near, you will eventually have to confront him with all of these people staring at you, but you need to be strong for sake. You are what’s left of his loved ones. Linda died long ago. They never had a chance to procreate and bring a new life, Joey went mad or something along those lines.

Just like the rest of the crew, and he didn’t make any friends while he was on service for the military. If he did, they were dead. He didn’t like to talk about it.

<<I tried to make you happy, make you feel at ease as you did for me>>

Yet he kept secrets from you, of course, you respected his wishes and didn’t pry any further.

However, it stung.

<<Now it’s not time to reminisce, there’s nothing to reminisce for me at the moment>>

They called your name to the front; you ran out of time. It’s your turn. Is your first time burying someone, yes, you have assisted other burials besides this one, but now you are who’s lost a loved one. Those past times were favors people close to you had asked a long time ago; they said it felt nice to have somebody there when someone else is missing in their lives. In other words, you were there as comfort. A shoulder they could use to cry and lean on.

Hesitant, you take away from the burier’s grasp his shovel and with a gulp. You start shoveling some dirt into the hole were Henry’s coffin lies.

<<Shit, I can’t stop trembling! Come on, stop being a pussy and get over with this!>>

Despite that, your body wouldn’t obey, it made you look clumsy. No matter how much you lied to yourself.

You are scared.

After burying Henry, your vision goes black.

Waking up tomorrow morning at home without a clue of how you got there made your mind fuzzy.

How fun.

You try to get up, but end up failing.

“Fuuuuuck! Why do I feel like absolute shit! Everything hurts!” These feel just like a hangover. Why does it feel like one? Did you go to a bar once Henry’s funeral ended? How much did you drink?

“Enough to blackout it appears,” You say under your breath. Of course, your dumb ass would go to a bar and get drunk to cope with the pain! An upcoming headache awaits you for being arbitrary, instead of showing apprehension towards the situation and mourn, as you should, your voice of reason zonked out. “I reek of booze. Agh, it stinks”.

No more addressing what happened yesterday; feeling like trash isn't doing you any good. Henry would have called you out on your bullshit.

"Stop whining like a whore and man up, chum! I'll buy you a drink. Later we can relax and cut you some slack, nothing a magsman like myself can't do".

“Ok boomer,” You said in a humdrum tone, at least it made you laugh internally. “lo and behold, this will be a shitty morning-err afternoon, it’s 1 PM, I thought it was too early to be awake”.

That means it’s time for brunch.

Must compel your stomach desires, eat a lot little of food. Therefore, you'll have to leave the bed, go downstairs where the kitchen is; you force yourself out of the comfiness that are your covers. So you walk out of the room barefoot towards the kitchen. You open the fridge faking interest with whatever is inside and close it, then repeat, only that this time you pay a little more of attention.

You grab the water pitcher and pour some in a glass, then look for oatmeal and toss three spoonfuls of it at the water, after that you chuck a spoonful of sugar and mix it. A simple drink full of roughage. It’ll suffice for now.

*Clink clink*

Metal hitting porcelain serves you as a white noise to rearrange your thoughts. Yesterday was hectic and had your mind high wire, you were thinking about the old man; how long have you two been friends? Five or six years more or less, you met each other by autumn at a hospital. On that occasion, you were merely an intern in the middle of their practice and had to change sheets, deliver meals, give them their meds and reassure they took them at the time the doctors had said. Like a nurse or carer (the difference it’s you possess more knowledge than one and can prescribe medication, it was also part of your duty as a trainee assisting the doctors with whatever you could). That’s how both of you came face to face with.

Mr. Stein was sick and injured. He needed to tend some wounds since they required special treatment. Battle scars, you didn’t know at the time, however, as days passed, you became close to him, he told you how he got them; the biggest can be found on his back.  

Unfortunately, a sharp pain arose, preventing you from wandering further in the past. You had forgotten about your headache, which it’s more noticeable now, you are sure there aren’t any pills left.

“I ain’t leaving being this crappy, besides I don’t feel like moving right now…” Your eyelids are heavy and keeping them open, it’s such a pain, so you shut ‘em in hopes of relaxing for a little bit. Leaning your back on the kitchen island while drinking your beverage, its coldness helping you somehow with the throb.

Once again, your mind wanders.

Thanks to it, you know where to find some ibuprofen.

“Are these the ones?” You asked while holding a box for him to see, squinting Henry finally recognized the packet.

“What’s it called again?” He questioned, rubbing his head to ease the ache a bit. His voice raspy because of a dry throat. His normal soft tone replaced by a croaky. He’s clearly suffering.  

“Ibuprofen.” You read aloud as you’ve been asked and turn back to look at him.

“Yup, that’s the one, lass. I know I’ve bothered you enough, but could you serve me a glass of water?”

“You old coot, not a bother at all. I’ll be back with your water in a jiffy”.

The pills are somewhere inside Henry’s studio. You can do that, going upstairs isn’t as demanding as buying them, cuz leaving home means changing clothes that look presentable and aren’t dirty. Henceforth, you don’t feel in the mood for seeing the outside.

“I should stop thinking of how lazy I am and look for those meds…” Talking to yourself it’s quite common, so you ain’t no stranger to these situations.

Therefore, you took a break from your bullshit and went upstairs where Henry Stein used to draw; he passed most of his time in there, secluded from the outside world, before military service, he worked at an animation studio owned by the man he once considered his best friend, Joey Drew was his name if your memory doesn’t fail you.

Your friend called him a bastard, never explained why only responded by saying: “He lost his mind.”

Nevertheless, Henry kept drawing cartoons, and sometimes, he would let you watch him sketch and answered your questions. He carried on with his old comics he left unfinished long ago. The same he had drawn back thirty years ago. The main characters are three little fellas: Bendy, Alice Angel, and Boris. Henry said they animated their adventures and later on, added side characters. The Butcher Gang, if you recall, also consists of a trio: Charley, Barley, and Edgar.

When Henry started storytelling, you felt like a kid back again, he could’ve marked your childhood just as the rest of animators who made those toons while you were a child. Oh, how you treasured these memories, you’ll never forget the time you spent together.

Evoking past times has helped to soothe your headache an itty-bitty, yet you still need to find the ibuprofen.

“Where could it be…” You asked to no one, hoping the walls may respond, even though it’ll never happen.

Seeking everywhere you soon turned the room upside down, papers on the floor resembling a carpet, art supplies rolling across the table (pencils, colors, pens, paintbrushes, blending stumps, etc.) and some books based on anatomy and animation were disorganized on their bookshelves. It all ended after you opened a drawer (this one didn’t need your touch, it was already a disorder) and found what you were looking for, and because of your rashness, more papers fell on the floor.

“Damn, what a mess…” You muttered under your breath a little irritated with yourself for being so careless while searching. You collected the papers and put them in order back again one by one, because of it you grew curious and read some of them, a letter grabbed your attention.

It was one of those fancy letters with a seal and all (what does it say? Seems of importance).

You don’t consider yourself nosy, just interested in its contents.

<<From Joey Drew? Huh, looks like your old buddy send you his salutations after all this time>>

Oh, you had no idea.

Henry knew about the letter, he already read it and did as they told him. The old studio where they used to make dreams come true transformed into a living hell.

‘DEAR HENRY

IT SEEMS LIKE A LIFETIME AGO SINCE WE WORKED ON CARTOONS TOGETHER.

30 YEARS REALLY SLIPS AWAY, DOESN’T IT?

IF YOU ARE BACK IN TOWN, COME VISIT THE OLD WORKSHOP.

THERE’S SOMETHING I NEED TO SHOW YOU.

YOUR BEST PAL, JOEY DREW’.

You finished reading the letter.

*Snrk*

Well shit.

Did you just read a confession or a love letter? Why not both? You don’t know why, but it feels like one.

“Okay, let’s stop right there. I can’t make jokes on circumstances as these ones”.

What could be so urgent for Joey to write a letter after thirty years of silence?

Should you investigate?

<<The letter could’ve been sent years ago! Henry surely read it; otherwise, it wouldn’t be inside a drawer of his studio, though there’s a possibility he didn’t, I doubt it. He must have seen his friend has written message>>

Okay, sure. Let’s suppose he didn’t pay any mind to the damn thing, you can pretend, now the real issue it’s the location. Joey Drew Studios must be closed (or broken down into pieces, you didn’t know if they decided to demolish the whole building).

“Wake up ___! Face reality, you shouldn’t be fantasizing, this ain’t some silly story with you as a heroine…instead of wasting my time, I shall swallow that damn pill and take some zzz’s”.

You left Henry’s solace and went to bed once again after you swallowed the pill with some water. A dreamless sleep greeted you.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bendy’s POV

“ん乇'丂 ムの刀乇”.

Even though he should be celebrating, the Inkarnate can’t seem to find any joy in his being, no emotion tried to overtake him. Why? He doesn’t feel anything. True, he may not possess all the emotions a human has, but anger, joy, sadness, and hysteria weren’t unbeknownst him. There’s no satisfaction nor sorrow towards his creator’s death, not even an ounce of regret. Ok no, he won’t sense any guilt for what happened to Henry, he deserved to die just as much as Joey, but he was grasping straws in here!

How’s it possible to not perceive the slightest of emotion within himself?

The Ink Demon was turning apathetic in regards to the subject; he didn’t have an answer as to why. One thing he’s sure of, his world turned dull no longer exciting as he thought.

It was as if the little dancing demon had opened his eyes for the first time, after all those years blinded by the dripping ink, before that, he only saw what his mind showed him. He finally realized how monochromatic his world truly is.

All is black and white for the demon’s eyes.

A wave of indifference invades his mind and his mind is fuzzy, he dissolves into his inky form and rests.

However, not for much.

“-aHahaHAhahaHahaHAhaha!”

Alice.

That bitch.

He despises her nearly as much as those liars, yet the little devil darling couldn’t give a damn about her right now. Let her laugh all she wants as the malady she’s. The Angel probably got the word, celebrating, unlike him.

Immersing himself even more inside the ink, he found…peace. He can work with that, serenity aids his jumbled thoughts; darkness envelopes him and swallows his body whole.

<<In the end…I feel empty. Is this how revenge it’s supposed to be like?>>

He can’t respond to that, how could he? He doesn’t even know what’s life supposed to feel like.

<<Their imagination cursed us all with life, they couldn’t take responsibility for their actions and show us how to drive through it>>

Back when he was the small little imp everybody loved, there were all kind of colors, unlike now. The studio felt warm in contrast to all the ink that surrounds it now.

The remains of those old days lurk inside the deep abyss as ink creatures, husks who replaced the humans that worked here.

Thinking about it got him tired, Bendy finds himself drifting from consciousness, he’s falling asleep.

“Was it worth it?”

<<Again that cunt>> Despite his thoughts, the Inkarnate didn’t feel irascible towards the narcissist woman. Actually, there isn’t much for him to perceive.

She’s not in here, she wouldn’t dare to step a foot on his domain. The wench had the nerve of placing her cutouts and posters; he destroyed a few just as she did the same. She is communicating with him using a damaged poster with her face.

“I know you can hear me, demon, don’t fake pretend.”

“Wんﾘ りの ﾘのひ ᄃﾑ尺乇?” He hopes to scare her, even though he knows it won’t work while using his beast form for some reason his speech turns nightmarish. Yet he doesn’t wield it often because of how difficult is controlling his instincts. Thoughts become more primal, talking it’s hard after a few hours transformed in it gets tiring, and he can’t measure his own force. He favors his inky form best: practical and gets the job done.

“I don’t”. So she’s just shitting with him, insufferable.

“Then why ask?”

“Spirit of inquiry. Your relationship intrigues me, up there in Heaven, we get curious as to why you didn’t kill him yourself. And don’t even try to justify your actions. You had many opportunities. The little errand boy nearly ends up killing you, he tried the same with me”.

After listening to what the Angel had to said, his permanent smile turned slowly into a frown. It’s never a good thing when the Lord ain’t wearing one.

“…”

“Well?”

The fallen angel is laughing at him.

“Not even you know the reason behind your acts of mercy!” He remains silent, it’s not like she’s wrong, the little devil does not why he was so resilient with Henry.

After that fiasco, she left him be.

Thanks to Alice’s short visit, Bendy finds questioning why she dropped by. They hate one another, true. She has eyes here and there, but it’s to keep him in line, so he won’t cross an inky limb on her domain. Unlike the female cartoon, he does not have any cutouts, posters, plushies, or ink servants near her place. He wants nothing to do with her. That’s why he finds it so unusual, it’s not like her.

Unless…

She fancies something he has.

<<If that bitch knows what’s good for her, she won’t be picking her nose in my business>>

Later he’ll do his rounds throughout the studio, maybe, the imp will find what she’s searching before she does, whatever it may be, he won’t let her have it.

He’ll make sure of it.

Who knows what her deranged mind has planned; he’s tired of the gruesome scenery this place is in, corpses all around, clones of his ol’ friend bring back unsavory images from the past. Oh, Lawrence, he’s a madman, made satanic circles as a way of showing his devotion towards the black devil. Thanks to Sammy, he has eyes in nearly the entire place.

Yes, he’s aware the musician it’s alive, but Sammy Lawrence continues being of use for him.

<<I’ll take care of him when I wake up…>>

He’s exhausted. However, he stays on his beast form sunken in ink.

The demon’s slumber it’s a peaceful one…

.

   .

   .

   .

   .

   Until you enter his kingdom.

 An animalistic rumble shakes the tinted walls.

 He’s coming for you.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days.

You paced on the issue for three days, until you finally had an answer.

“I’m gonna pay a visit to your ol’ pal, maybe he’s still alive…or not…” You lowered your voice in the last part; Henry called Joey a bastard and accused him of being mentally unstable, you trust his word, but what if…what if he changed? There’s a possibility he redeemed himself and went through a rehabilitation process to help him with his instability.

<<I need to look for the address and from there I’ll see what can be done>>

You googled ‘Joey Drew Studios’ on your phone and within seconds Google Maps showed up, you were going to click at it, but then something catches your eye.

An article and it’s quite old.

‘Joey Drew Studios, also known as the workshop. Is an American corporation and an animation studio of the Bendy franchise, established in 1929.

Founded by Joey Drew and Henry Stein in an unknown full date other than the year of 1929, Joey Drew Studios is located at Broadway, Brooklyn, New York City, New York.

In 1946, Joey Drew Studios was under investigation after reports of hazardous work environments, missing employees, harassment, and excessive back pay, as well the company's danger of being bankrupt, all of which are a result of Joey's mismanagement of the studio. Anonymous employees threatened to make labor unions over the poor conditions, which included unpermitted buildings, hazardous electrical wiring, and a plumbing system prone to bursting. In addition, there were excessive work hours, most of which were unpaid and several animators were unable to see their families in weeks, after being threatened with disciplinary action and termination if they were unable to finish animations on tight schedules.

There were reports of barricaded offices, employees locked up in work spaces, and complaints of crazy malfunctioning machinery. Despite the evidence against the company, Joey Drew remained firm that the studio has done nothing wrong, calling the accusations "preposterous" and "ridiculous", dismissing them as either complaint from menial employees, or feeble attempts by competing studios to discredit Joey.

On August 16, 1959, the law firm known as Snooks, Spitner and Snooks sued Joey Drew, having heard the rumors of Joey's mismanaging of his own workers. 12 days later, the studio was closed down in accordance to legal regulation 11 U.S Code § 1125 (which forbids the misrepresentation of legally established companies) as evident by the bankruptcy report found in Joey's apartment, as well as health and safety concerns directly by the mention of a health and safety board meeting schedule found in the appointment lobby.’

Oof.

<<That’s a lot to take in>>

Why the fuck would Henry’s friend would want to meet at that nightmare show? Has he learned nothing after all this years? And not only that, the sucker it´s/was an abusive prick with his employees!

<<Man, you weren’t joking>>

You fear a screw lose isn’t Joey’s only problem.

<<He sounds like an asshole, I don’t want to put up with his shit...I’ve got enough dealing with people like him on a daily basis. Sure, not everyone it’s an ass and there’s some decent/kind people out there, but handling jerks as the likes of him tires me out>>

Sometimes you aren’t the most patient person, it all depends. But this whole ordeal it’s too much for you.

<<The studio is in the big city, New York it’s fucking expensive. I don’t have the money for travelling that far, I’ll have to bid on my savings and package supplies for the journey>>

Crap. Three days and you didn’t think all of this through! How can you be so stupid?!

Now this looks like one of those impulsive decisions you take for being careless and inattentive.

<<How could Henry put up with me when not even I can stand myself?!>>

You need an adult, that’s what you ought to have beside you.

Your life is such a mess sometimes…

“Before spending money on my idiocy I should read more and prepare myself.” You mutter angrily to yourself.

That’s exactly what you did the next two days, finally you are ready for departing.

You grab your backpack and the car’s keys. “Cellphone in the front pocket, all that’s left is open the door, lock it and call Abby, easy.”

During those two days you made a few calls and went up for gas, it was going to be a long trip from Miami to New York. Sure, it ain’t that extensive, but you’ll be driving by yourself for approximately 20 hours. A place to stay, money, gasoline and food are big girl’s problems. Not counting the money you’ll spend on a cheap motel to rest your head.

“That or make a few stops on gas stations…maybe sleeping in the car won’t be that bad…” The good thing is you have options; you aren’t tied solely to one alternative.  

<<Abby won’t charge me for doing me this favor, another plus>>

She’ll guard the house in your absence and will call if any emergency transpires.

Now, you are free to go.

<<I hope I made a good decision doing this>>

The first 8 hours were a torment, bored and your ass felt numb of sitting for that long, the last time you remained that still was in high school, since you made your schedule. Your feet hurt just as your arms did. You made a stop for eating and going to the bathroom, after that another 8 hours.

Overall, the journey was relaxing, while driving you admired the views offered to you, savoring each sight. It helped you keeping away some melancholy.

You miss Henry, no matter how much you tried to distract yourself with this excursion of yours, the emptiness stays in the back of your mind.

Your wounds are still fresh, you haven’t mourned properly, because you don’t want to. That’s why you are doing this, to keep yourself busy so you won’t think about it. You need it, you ain’t prepared for it yet.

Soon you’ll be.

After a short nap (before that you made many stops, ‘cuz you’re a whining bitch who ain’t strong enough to control her fucking bladder), you started driving again. You have three or four hours left on the road.

Time to listen some music, you activate Bluetooth and connect your phone to the car’s stereo, finally you found a song of your liking in Spotify and play it. You spent the rest of the trip singing along; sometimes you’ll speed up a little bit on the spur of the moment.

Soon you got to your destination, didn’t waste time changing clothes, you collapsed on the bed in the motel and slept for an hour. After that, you washed yourself and got ready for visiting Joey Drew.

“Here goes nothing…”

You regret already coming here, silly you just ruined a change of clothes! Why is there so much ink? You’ll never get out the ink of your shoes, fuck! You have been here for less than ten minutes and all went to shit for you! It doesn’t help this place keeps giving you the heebies-jeebies! Every time you take a step on the creaky wooden floor it feels as if someone is following you, like a slithering sound. The ink splashes keep creeping you out, if it wasn’t black you would think it’s blood, Jesus Christ.

<<Thank God, the lights still work; it would make this place spookier if they didn’t>>

As you venture further deeper into the studio, a beast rumbles, shaking everything around you, more ink drops fall.

At that moment…

…you knew you fucked up.

So you hide.

Your mind provides you one last thought before going high drive

‘WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?!’

<<FUUU-

[artboitrash]

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 24 - Awakening

"Come here, come to me..."

I could hear Stefano's voice in my mind. I could... Feel him coaxing me forward.

"There, my dear..." I heard his voice louder as I moved towards him.

My eyes open, and I can register a warped reality. I blinked a few times, my eyelids making what appeared to be a circular shape. After a moment, I began to move slightly.

"Ah-ah-ah..."

Stefano was standing before me, arms above his head. I felt confusion as I looked down at him. I should be a few inches shorter than him, but now I was at least a foot taller.

"Take it slow, my dear. Take your time, you don't need to start your work just yet."

My skin was bare, and I couldn't help but feel odd and cold. I realized I could hear something in the back of my mind, making me push closer to the man I love. My body shifted, and my face moved lower to press against him. He lowered his hands and cradled my face, and I realized in the back of my mind it was much larger, almost as big as his torso.

"Ah, that's it, come here my beauty."

His arms were warm as he caressed me. I couldn't feel him stroking my head as I looked at him, I could only feel the pressure and movements in my neck and shoulders. I could feel his hand brushing over my shoulder to comfort me as it was pushing something off my skin.

"You look so beautiful, my dear." he chuckled quietly. "I've been thinking about this for so long now, and no word in any language can do you justice. I have truly outdone myself with you."

The sounds in the back of my head were pained and angry. They didn't want to hear him, they didn't want him to speak. They were almost violent, and I felt something unfurl in my torso.

"Focus on me..." I heard in my mind. Not in an exact language, but more as an image, or a concept. "I can feel them too... Don't worry, my love, I will help you control them."

I felt my frame shiver, a calming sensation taking over me, and I looked down a little. My hands were placed on my lap, and I could see the large legs I had remembered before it all went black attached to me. The objects from my back, what looked like barbed wire, rested along the floor next to me as I calmed down.

Love...? I thought, hearing a groan emit from my chest. I didn't have a voice to make any sound, instead the loud vibrations of what was left of my lungs was all that I could muster.

"Yes." Stefano's voice filled my mind, domineering, yet somehow caring. "My love. My muse... I do not know if I can live without you anymore. If you came to harm, I do not know if I could go on creating."

Another groan filled my chest, reverberating around the room. He stroked my face some more, causing a quiet rumble from my chest. Less like a groan, and more like a purr.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you a way to speak, my beautiful Obscura."

He sighed as he held me close to him.

"But, I'm sure you will find your voice without the need for sound. And, of course, I will always hear you when you call out for me."

I tucked my neck around him, feeling it stretch out slightly. I grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him close to me. He climbed onto my lap, sitting against me and holding me tightly. I was large enough to hold him close, and I felt an odd sense of comfort now as this big creature.

"Now, let's see you move, you wonderful creature."

He helped me get to my feet. All three of them. I towered over Stefano, and I had to hold up my head at first as I got used to my new body. The way he had designed my legs made it simpler to move around on the points, somehow. The ballet slippers were sewn into my legs, and my feet felt fused to the fabric.

I could almost feel him coaxing me as I began to move around. I wasn't able to hide anything in the back of my mind, somehow the fear and paranoia I had been feeling just a little while earlier completely gone. It was as like I could feel his arms guiding me as I moved, as though I could feel him pressed into my back and moving with me. I was sure I could see him pressed into me in my mind's eye, but he stood before me with a smile as he watched me. His will was intertwined with my mind, his mental voice urging me to love him more.

He showed me how to take photographs with the camera he had given me as a head. He showed me how it gave me a slight amount of his powers. His connection to me allowed me to freeze time in a small, selective area. It took me some time to wrap my mind around the fact I only had a lens for my eyes and an older-style camera attached to my shoulders. Whether or not there was something inside the camera, my head or anything else, I wasn't even sure myself.

I could hear the voices, just barely, of the other women that had made up this body. I was the main, mostly pure piece of this art he had made, so I had the most control over the other minds that were with me. My torso had been emptied of my organs aside from my heart and my lungs, completing the piece after I had seen it. A metal cage helped the remaining flesh and muscles keep their shape. Inside, with a barrier around them, were small spools of barbed wire, things I could move if I chose and strike like tendrils of my own will.

The minds that were there with me blended together, almost as a singular noise. Their skin had been purposefully stretched and displaced away from each other piece of skin.

"They aren't as pure as the piece you make up, my Obscura." Stefano explained, running his fingers along the bare skin of my legs. "I couldn't keep their minds out of yours, as much as I tried. But I was able to make them quieter, and I will make sure they do not hurt you or overwhelm you."

I groaned quietly in response to this. The sounds I made caused him to smile wider. I leaned down as I felt him ask for it, and his lips pressed against the top of the camera.

I want to kiss you, Stefano... flickered through my mind.

"Then close your eye, my beauty."

My camera lens closed, and I felt the world stop around me. I could feel him in my mind, his lips pressing into mine. He held me close, his mind conjuring the sensation of his touch against me. I yearned for him, and held him tighter in my mind.

"There, you see?" He whispered as the aperture of my lens opened again. "You understand me again. You are strong and understand my vision. You are no longer afraid of me, of my work. So you shall be by my side until the end."

I nudged him with my head. He laughed, and held me close. He was right, I didn't remember the feeling of fear. There was no more hesitance, no more restraint from my conscience and logic.

I love you... my heart ached.

"And I love you, my dear bella."

I groaned quietly. I could feel my love's mind shift.

"Ah, he's come now."

My shutter clicked as I watched him. He laughed, though I could feel he wasn't quite happy about this predicament. The walls disappeared around us, and I watched as a familiar room appear around us. There was a large machine in the middle of the room, looking like a large metal box. I glanced over it, moving my new neck and craning it around.

My Stefano moved through the town hall. He left me to prepare for the man who had entered the building. The man also searching for the little girl.

Are you still going to give the girl to that man?

I watched an image of a black, bald man with a scar across the side of his face appear in my mind. Stefano's thoughts seemed enraged for some reason, and his mind turned back to me.

"I'm afraid I do not know just yet. Perhaps this newcomer should believe I shall, to send him away from us."

I found I could climb up the walls, supporting my now larger form with the strength of my legs and climbing with the barbed wire that extended from me.

I heard doors slamming as the man entered several rooms. Stefano's world fused with this building, so part of where he ran was invisible to me. I was only aware of my creator moving around in the building, setting up puzzles and shadows to scare him even more.

The man entered a secluded room and darkened, and I found myself in front of him. As I was commanded, I moved around him, taking pictures and flashing my bulb in his face.

After the third click, he was gone. I found myself in front of the machine again. I wandered around, seeing it appeared to be broken or off. I wondered what it was, what the machine was used for. I familiarized myself with the room, knowing my love had decided I would be shown here. I didn't know what for just yet, but I was okay with that. I could hear him in my mind, praising me and my new form, and I couldn't find it in me to doubt him anymore.

Once his work had finished, Stefano approached me again, beginning to help me get ready for my first showing.

"We must show you to the world!" he sounded elated as he tied me to ropes for me to descend from. "And I have the most wonderful idea for you to get used to your new body."

And what's that?

"You will kill him!" he laughed, my body now being pulled into the air. "You will draw his blood and make your first true art!"

I didn't feel scared. His excitement pulsed through me, and made me excited as well. I felt... Ready to kill. I wanted to kill.

The women inside of me egged me on, training their focus and anger for Stefano on the potential bloodlust that they wanted me to use now turned to someone else. The man with the dark hair, the man with the gun, they called out, he'll be at our mercy.

Once he was content I was secured to the ceiling, Stefano disappeared elsewhere. I could feel him being close.

"Do not fail me, my dear." I could hear his voice in my head. "I'm afraid it will make me far too upset with you."

I won't.

"Good girl."

I made a quiet purring sound in my happiness. I was getting used to this body, no longer able to feel the strain of my skin, the ache of the decaying flesh. I felt lively, a spring in my step.

Eventually, the man entered the room I was in. The creaking of my metal-boned limbs sounded in the room as I squirmed with my excitement. The man glanced up, trying to pinpoint where the sound I was making was coming from. After a moment, he approached the machine in the center of the room, pressing a button on the interface.

"Authorization required. Please connect an authorized terminal." said a robotic female voice.

"Terminal?" said the man in a gruff voice. "Must mean this communicator."

He pulled out something from his pocket and placed it into a slot on the machine. After a second, the machine came to life and opened up, extending into a giant antenna.

"Restart sequence initiated." Electricity shot from the machine as the new limbs of it began spinning. It crackled and made sounds as a screen read an amount of time it would need to restart.

The doors opened behind the man, and I watched as Stefano approached him, camera in front of his face. After a few paces, the man seemed to notice. He jerked down slightly, turning and grabbing something from a holster. I almost sprung into action as I realized it was a gun.

A click sounded through the room, and everything froze in a small box that encased the man and the machine.

Stefano began to move forward, camera lowered and swinging in his hand as he walked.

"You've been looking for me for so long," he said to the frozen and aware man. "So I have come."

He reached his newest sculpture, and I could feel his interest changing and shifting, his imagination coursing through his mind and imagining all the possibilities of art he can create.

"But wait..." he said in an almost playful tone. "It's not me you seek, is it?"

He stopped walking, turning to stare at the man. "No. It's the girl... I should be offended."

I watched the scene as his head turned away. "But how can I be?" He turned his head back to the man after he spoke.

"You're not the only one who wants her power..."

He walked to the front of the man, a slight smile crossing his face as he began walking around his newest fixture.

"There is another, one far more deserving... One who can offer rewards you could never imagine..."

He stopped his predatory dance around the trapped man, a smile completely taking his face. I questioned it, wondering what it was that Stefano was going to get from the man who had sent him after the little girl. In the back of my mind, I remembered he was attempting to construct a lie, a lie so he could stay with me longer.

"So sorry, but you've been outbid." He raised his knife, and I thought he had changed his mind.

He jerked the knife forward with a quiet "Hah!" as though it was a joke, stopping the tip of his knife just before the man's eye. I was entranced as I continued to watch them. I wanted to please him, to make him proud of me now that he has changed me.

My mind tried to move passed the morality, the part of me rapidly dying inside of me trying to fight this control he has over me. I tried to push it down, but that part of me didn't want to die easily. I fought myself, as this new thing, and tried to stop the onslaught of my logical side. It was desperate, an egging inside of me, to stop this madness. I pushed it all down, attempting to drown that sensation in the love I continued to feel for that man. Logic no longer mattered in a world like this. In a world where I could join with the minds of several other women, and speak to a man who had mutilated our bodies and transformed our dying flesh into a single, miraculous being.

I hadn't noticed Stefano introducing himself to the man, having sliced part of his face. I looked down, holding onto my new head. My love turned to leave the room, walking out with a singular glance backwards. I saw the box that contained the man begin to waver, and he eventually broke out of the frozen lighting. He pulled his gun forward and held it up towards the door, my Stefano appearing near me, ready to watch the show as he expected me to perform.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled, finger on the trigger, and a frightened look on his face.

My new body descended from the ceiling, spinning ever so slightly as I was suspended by the wires. Once I had reached a certain height, my head swung around and stared at the man. I could see his dirty face sweating ever so slightly, unshaven, and terrified.

My body shifted, and turned over. The cables that held me snapped off the metal that protruded from my body, allowing me to flip and land on my feet.

"Meet my beautiful Obscura..." I heard Stefano call out above me.

I silently prayed that I would make him happy. I didn't know what to expect, seeing the man dive behind a wall to avoid me. I turned my attention to the machine that had begun again as Stefano's power ended around the man. With a click, and a snap of my light bulb, I channeled his power through me, freezing only the machine this time.

I turned, searching for now. I hummed quietly as I looked around, seeing him dive behind another wall, at first beginning to avoid me. I felt my love's excitement flow through me, a smile pursing his lips.

Without another thought, I sprung after the man.

[chim-chimmie]

Dancing with the Devil

CHAPTER 7: THE BONNIE & CLYDE CONCEPT

✧ pairing: jungkook x reader ft. taehyung

✧ genre: angst

✧ words: 7.5k

✧ description: being locked up with taehyung wasn’t half as bad, but being locked up with jungkook was pure hell.

✧ warnings: violence, weapons/guns, hostage !!!

prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

“Well, it’s half as bad,” Taehyung exclaimed after nothing but silence filled the thick air, and the quiet snicker in his low tone was making you decide whether he was being serious or not.

You exhaled and once again inhaled deeply as if it took you all the strength in the world to start talking, but you weren’t even sure how to react. “Are you serious?” was the only thing you brought out in a tired voice.

Pulling your hands once again, you realized it was pointless now and there was no chance for your skin to be freed from the tight rope cutting in your wrists. And honestly, the more the both of you tried, the more the tie dug into your stomachs as well. You sighed, giving up officially as you leaned back your head against Taehyung’s. The sweat lingered between your backs, overflowing your bodies with it, making you two stick together like glue.

“Actually, no,” Taehyung answered in a deep breath.

You closed your eyes to at least blend out the small room you were in – grey, dusty, dirty and more over without any windows. You had always wondered how it must feel to be locked in such a room – you watched way too many crime shows – but now that you were one of them, you wanted nothing else but to escape. Why did you always have to be so god-damn curious? “Are we going to die?”

The man behind you now laughed out loud and almost rolled over, pulling harshly at the rope in your skin.

“Ouch, stop doing that!”

He immediately brought himself back up, calmed himself to at least a shy giggling and responded, “I’m sorry.” “Well? Are you laughing because you don’t want to face the truth of us dying inside of here?” you cocked up an eyebrow in annoyance now, even though he couldn’t see you, and underlined your question with arrogance.

Taehyung firmly answered, “No, I laugh because you do not know Jungkook very well as I do. He’ll get us out of here in a minute.” “I’m going to count then,” you divulged.

“Okay, I didn’t mean it literally. But do you know how often I was stuck in places like this? I’m not even afraid anymore.”

You snorted in high disbelief, this shouldn’t be something to be considered normal, was it? “Fucking hell, great for you. But I’m clearly not used to it.”

“Well,” he started and you could hear the exhaust in his voice, “when I started, I was all lonely and could help myself out of trouble somehow. But since I’m in Agma, I knew from the beginning I can trust Jungkook with everything I have.”

First, you frowned your eyebrows as his respond had no correlation with what you said. Of course, he had to make this about him and talk about his oh-so-brutal experiences. But as you started processing his answers, you knew this was your chance to bomb him with questions and more questions, because again, your curiosity needed to know everything. “Wait, what do you mean with when you started? Started what? And how long have you been with Jungkook? And how did you even get there? Was he like hiring people for stuff like that? I don’t get it.” “Woah there, that’s too many questions at once,” Taehyung chuckled and you were left breathless as you again asked way too much – things, to which you probably would never get any concrete answers like you wanted to. That’s what you got from being you.

So, you just wanted to let it be – just sit there and wait for the almighty Jungkook to get you out of here. You couldn’t lie, you were scared for life and that’s not exactly what you imagined yourself to get into. But slowly, your brained started processing what all of this meant, what it meant to be with that man, what Jungkook had been trying to tell you all the time. But it was too late now, the rush of excitement in your blood got it out of you as you were trying to avoid him but simply failed. You started understanding this way of living step by step, tapping in small puddles of water – but as you didn’t watch your steps accordingly, you fell into this deep and dark sea. And now? You needed to learn how to swim properly to keep your head out of the water.

Taehyung made notice of your silence way too quickly, so he added, “Look. I’m not someone to lie and say things you want to hear or soothes your heart. It’s not all flowers and sunshine, and I keep it realistic when it comes to serious things. So, if you seriously want to ask me about us, you better prepare yourself for some harsh truth.” You swallowed a big lump down your throat as it has been itching since day one you met Jungkook. Taehyung’s words weren’t harsh or rude, but they sure made your stomach tighten in a weird way. This was your chance to finally make the drought in your mouth stop, so you went for it. “I see… I appreciate that, really. I love honesty.” “Hah, that’s great,” the man cackled in a degrading way, “So?”

You let the disgusting air wash your lungs one more time and straight forward asked, “What exactly is your job?”

“External or internal?”

You frowned, “Is there a difference?”

“Well, would you kill a guest in the casino in front of everyone else’s eyes?”

Silence. The only thing you could hear was your breaths along your heart pounding, and pounding, and pounding… Second by second passed by slowly as ever, his question echoing through your brain. He did… what?

“Exactly, you wouldn’t. It does make a difference. For the face of the casino Agma, I am simply the controller. You know, things like taking care of events, organizing stuff, keeping the whole business going and keep all processes under control. For example, I also clear up fights between guests,” he told you like an open book and in that moment you were scared of the continuation of his answer.

But your ears perked up, all of your tiredness suddenly gone even though you could literally feel the long bags under your eyes. Your chest burning from the rush in your blood, your heart bouncing loudly still. “And… internal?”

“Hmm, a similar role. But there is a completely other business going on behind the scenes. Not always legal ones,” he paused then cackled, “Well, barely legal ones. And there are way more things going wrong, so I have to take care of that.” “Which includes killing?” you gulped, and you have never been more anxious about an answer.

Taehyung snickered at your innocent question. “Exactly, but only if I really have to. I don’t like doing it, honestly. Imagine, that person owes you five million dollars and we kill him. Five million gone, right?”

“Mhmm,” you murmured with widened eyes and nodded, trying to understand what he was talking about. “And what exactly is the business you do behind the scenes?”

“Ah, Y/N, you’re asking questions…” the man sighed in frustration and you were sure he was forbid to talk about that to any third-parties. What else would you have expected.

You shook your head, “No, I’m sorry. I’m just very curious, you don’t have to answer of course.”

“I mean, Chocolate is really attached to you, so I’m sure he’d tell you sooner or later anyways and-“

You had to interrupt him now, “Ch-chocolate?”

Taehyung laughed out shyly, “Oh yeah, that’s how we call Jungkook most of the times. Especially undercover.” “Why?” your mouth somehow formed a smile.

“Ah, we used to call him Kookie at first and we all know he loves cookies. And his favorite are the chocolate ones, plus he eats a lot of chocolate anyways. I don’t know, I think Jin called him that one day and since then, we all do it.” You didn’t know why exactly, but his answer made your heart warmer with every beat of it and every thought of Jungkook. You imagined how he’d react when you’d call him his favorite taste in the softest way you could. To be honest, it even fit him – chocolate, like his dark brown hair, his beautiful brownie eyes and his skin. Oh god, his warm and soft skin glowing in the perfect melanin, and sweet, sweet as chocolate. Chocolate, you grinned harder than before and made sure to engrave it in your head to use the nickname – hopefully – sometime soon.

“Anyways, what I wanted to say: I haven’t seen him like that in such a long time. He’s in a great dilemma because of you.”

Your lovely day-dreaming drained down in a second, and confused you asked, “Dilemma? Why that?”

“I mean,” Taehyung started but hesitated with a long pause, probably thinking about an answer, where he wouldn’t say too much. But he realized, there was no point in that. “He really likes you.” “And?” You couldn’t deny those words, those little four words, shot straight to your heart, having the biggest impact on it as it spread sparkles through your whole body. But you really weren’t satisfied with a little sentence as an answer.

“I can’t really remember the last time he talked about a woman non-stop. Mmh, maybe two years ago? Three? Something around that… Anyways, he really likes you but exactly that is the reason he doesn’t want you to be hurt. Aaand that is most likely going to happen, or has happened already. I mean, look where you are now. Women usually leave him after they realize what he does, or simply take him granted for his money. He didn’t know anything else than people constantly running away from him. He’s in the biggest confusion ever with you. Jungkook doesn’t want to lose you, but his actions are going to push you away sooner or later…”

Meanwhile, a tear rolled down your cheek, followed by another one. Your vision blurred out a little as you listened to Taehyung. You knew he must say the truth as he had known Jungkook for years for him to even say something like this. And it hurt, it really hurt, that’s why it must be honest. You didn’t cry because you got yourself in this position, but you cried because you could see yourself in him. People running away from you, people taking you for granted, you pushing people away, getting hurt all the time, not knowing what true love is… All the same. You always thought if you let yourself on a ride with any man ever again, it would happen all over again. That’s what you thought with Jungkook too, and that’s why you didn’t want to get to know him in the first place. But now you only realized, he was in the same position as you. The little game in the beginning, the push and pull, the seduction but the rejection. What started off as something meaningless and seemed small, turned into something huge so quickly, without realizing. Neither of you knew and that was it. For someone outstanding to watch this, of course, quickly processed what it was. So, Taehyung told you what he had to – he also only wanted the best for his friend.

“Are you crying, Y/N?” he now asked, turning his head but it wasn’t enough for him to see your reddened eyes.

You dried your skin on your shoulder, probably smearing all of your make-up and then answered, “S-sorry. I just fell in thoughts.”

“I told you about me being brutal honest, so don’t cry now,” Taehyung said and his soothing voice made his words sound less harsh than they actually were.

You now fought a little laugh, “I know, I know. It’s good to hear the truth, but I just realized he’s the same as me. And I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. I was used to get hurt, my partner was used to hurt without having any bad feelings. But I’m not sure what will come out if both people in a relationship are being used to get hurt.”

“Do you like him, Y/N?” Taehyung asked, lingering his fingers between yours, trying to hold them.

By your surprise, you felt relieved in that moment, to know you weren’t alone at all. You were sure he was a good person, even though he killed people, and so was Jungkook and the rest of his men. “I do, Taehyung, I do. But I am scared.”

He now squeezed your fingers, whispering, “Call me Tae. And see, you have mutual feelings. It’s all good.”

“But what if it doesn’t turn out good in the future?” you asked, fingers shaking and he stopped them.

“You’ll never know if you never try. Yeah, it’s a cliché saying, but it’s true. If you throw it away, you’ll always wonder what would’ve happened if…”

You exhaled the heavy air from your lungs and firmly nodded, “You’re right. But right now, I just wonder if Jungkook is fine.”

“What exactly happened there anyways?”

After explaining what exactly went wrong with the plan and how you were frozen watching Jungkook getting beaten up by his fiend. When you finished, the tight and warm grip around your fingers disappeared and you heard Taehyung swallow hard, his breath shaking. It wasn’t exactly the reaction you expected, but now you were even more worried than before. “Is everything okay, Tae?”

“Y-yeah, we’ll get out of here, d-don’t worry,” the man babbled, but when you felt his shivers running through you as well, you couldn’t really believe him.

You pushed your elbow softly into his body, whatever part it was, and starkly asked again, ���Are you sure? You don’t sound very confident in your answer.”

Now he let out the loudest and most grunty sigh you had ever heard, and in a lower octave, he kept his answer the same, “I am sure. He’s probably locked up as well right now, but I think Jeehyung only got me, you and him. The rest had escaped, so they’ll come for us.”

You let your head sink low now, because you were tired at this point and didn’t have any other choice but to trust in his words. Only then, she crossed your thoughts and you had to take a deep breath. “That’s great, when you’re missing, and you know they’ll come and get you,” you flashed yourself a smile, a bright fake and tiring one.

“Huh, what? Something happened?” Taehyung now shot his back up, probably heard the sadness in your voice.

You pulled your knees up to you and leaned your forehead against it, every inch of your lower body hurting and pinching for whatever reason and you suddenly felt cold. There was that feeling in your throat again, where it all felt stuffed and narrow.

“Y/N?”

You opened your eyes only to look down at your dress, not so bright and shiny as it had been few hours ago – only darker and dustier. The cotton caught drops of your tears and as it was material of high quality, they dried very quickly. Everything seemed half as bad when you watched that, then you spoke up, “My best friend Hana. We live together and ever since she found out Jungkook is a criminal, she wanted me to stop seeing him, which I tried at first. But I couldn’t hesitate to help him when Yoongi came by and now I haven’t seen her ever since. I bet she doesn’t even care anymore. She’s probably so filled up with me.”

“Oh…” Taehyung whispered at your unexpected rant, then grabbed your hand again – warmth rushed through you and you felt so safe. “Haven’t you guys like texted or something? Didn’t you call each other?”

“Well, I tried reaching her multiple times with Jungkook’s phone but she didn’t pick up. She’s probably having the time of her life now without me always being a burden to her,” you wailed quietly.

Taehyung exhaled loudly, then stated as he was about to go off like the biggest drama ever happened, “Okay, that Hana is a bitch.”

You cackled a little at his answer and he immediately continued, “Listen, Y/N. We always think we are a burden to someone. But we definitely are not. Hana simply couldn’t handle you or Jungkook, she was too weak for something serious like that. I’m sure she’s someone who likes simple things without any big complications. And she needs to know life isn’t as easy and smooth as she thinks. Stupid things will happen, heart-wrecking stuff will occur, and if she is not there to handle it with you together, then let her be. Everybody needs at least one person, who will go through thickest and heaviest walls with you, and in that case, it clearly is not Hana.”

Your lips parted at this whole life advice Taehyung just gave you, but when you came to think of it, his words did make sense, they were true. “Wow, I mean… You’re totally right. But I always considered her as my best friend – since pre-school to be exact. If it’s not her, who then?”

“That is a question I cannot answer you. It’s your duty to go out, walk around, go on adventures and find out who will stick by your side. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s Jungkook, maybe it’s even Jeehyung. Maybe it’s the son of our president. Maybe it’s a dog. But you have to step out to find out.”

You let his wise words wash through you and thought about it. It was a similar feeling Jungkook had been providing you all the time – the stepping out of the comfort zone, walking barefoot, exploring new things. You felt comfortable with not only Jungkook, but now with Taehyung too – well, of course not in the same intimate way. But you were so sure Agma was so much more behind the casino than only the illegal business. It was friendship, it was family, and you were finally starting to feel and recognize it. If Hana thought you’d get back home anytime soon, you could bet on everything you wouldn’t. Not before you found out about this world outside.

Your mouth widened in a grin, “Thank you, Tae. You’re so right.”

“Of course I am,” Taehyung laughed out only to break the tense and depressing air. “By the way, Jungkook is by far the least criminal out of us all.”

Before you could come to words, you only caught breath and then the heavy door got torn open and smacked the wall loudly, making you and Taehyung both jump up like scared cats. You looked to the side, seeing the grand outline of Jeehyung standing in the door frame and his loud cackling penetrated your ears. “Jungkook the least criminal? Shit, Taetae, you must be day-dreaming.”

“Shut the fuck up, you don’t even know him,” the man behind you hissed and pulled his body aggressively to the front, causing you to cough as the rope dug into your skin even deeper.

Jeehyung’s heavy steps tapped on the concrete floor and only turned louder and more unbearable the closer they got to you. He stopped right in front of you, but you didn’t dare one bit to look up to him, so you simply broke the gaze down to your knees while you watched them tremble as if they had a hurricane on their own inside them.

“We both know very well that I have known Kookie since we were children, Taetae, isn’t it?” his tone sunk the lowest it could, giving you goosebumps.

You literally felt his body hovering over Taehyung’s, and you thought the only thing you could hear right now was your heart whipping in angst. But you were very mistaken in fact, when you heard a sharp clang of a knife struck echo through the small room, piercing into your ears as if he had just directly cut into your ear-drums. You gasped, way too loud to your unfortunate, but Taehyung just snickered behind you. While you were heavily scared for life, the man was literally mocking this whole situation. What the hell was wrong with him?

Jeehyung’s breath now neared your shoulder and you trembled in your very own place, unable to move any inch or react at all. You were stuck under him, feared of this dark and large feature above you and when you felt his resting on your shoulder, your dry throat let out a small but very scratchy and significant cry. Taehyung grabbed your hands again and you held onto them as if it meant to hold for your dear life, but it didn’t help at all.

“Y/N, Y/N… Look at me, gorgeous,” he demanded in a very calm and generous tone to your surprise. “Breathe, breathe. I won’t kill you if you think that’s it. You just need to look me in the eyes now, will you?”

Your eyelashes twitched quickly to regain at least a little clear sight from all your tears before you collected all of your courage to lift your head and turn to his side. When you finally did, your irises shook from side to side, not knowing whether to look into his deadly eyes or any other part of his face that seemed less intimidating. He was unbelievably close, his warm breath brushing over your nose and cheeks, and the handsome face you had seen on Tinder suddenly disappeared. Not that he turned ugly, but somehow all of his beauty faded away in this very second. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy, his face frowned and he seemed very angry in fact. Strands of his hair fell into his eyes, but he didn’t bother at all and the more you observed, the more you felt like you were staring into pure emptiness. Yes, that was it – he looked so empty and soulless. Heartless. Antipathy washed through you and you’d rather spit into his faced right now more than anything.

After a while of silencing and icing, Jeehyung’s lips moved to a small smirk, then he asked in the same soothing voice as before, “Do you want to see Kookie?”

“Yes!” you screamed from the bottom of your lungs and it took all your breath away at once. How could you even think of hesitating to answer this question. You didn’t even know in what condition he was, if he was okay, if he was hurt. You needed to see him yourself.

The man chuckled at your quick response and brought his long dirty fingers up to your face – to which you immediately flinched – pushing your hair behind your ears. The last thing you wanted was to be touched by him. “Then come with me,” he inquired with a grin, but there was so much evilness hidden behind it, you were so sure.

The next second, the knife swooshed through the air and stood still only inches away from your nose, right between you and him. You watched the metal now twist and turn in between his fingers, showing off tricks or whatever with it and your eyes couldn’t keep up with it. What was he up to now? The sharp object stood still again, Jeehyung’s hands didn’t even shake one bit, while you were drowning in a wild tsunami internally. What a contrast.

“Cool, right?” he asked, his eyes wandering along the length of the tool as if he was in love with it. Well, he probably was.

Were you supposed to seriously answer his question now? But before you could think rationally, you nodded fast, in hope he would simply accept your sincerity instead of cutting you or something. God, why was he holding you on the line for so long – all you wanted was to see Jungkook!

And before you could realize, he already lifted his knife and you could only follow the weak shimmer that was left as a trace in the air – then the rope between your and Taehyung’s body got cut off. Air filled your lungs and your stomach heaved up and down in final freedom. You thought Taehyung might jump up and attack Jeehyung now that he wasn’t tied to you anymore, but he stayed still. Although you were surprised at first, you knew there wasn’t much he could do with his hands still tied behind his back, so he stayed calm and of course trusted in Jungkook. But how was he supposed to get you two out of here when he was probably locked here too?

“C’mon,” Jeehyung said and in contrast to his soft voice, he gripped your arm harshly and pulled you up. Only now you realized how much your feet actually hurt and when you looked down, you still found your high heels on them. As the tall man was dragging you out of the room, you looked back to Taehyung, who mouthed ‘Be careful’ and you nodded firmly, kicking your painful shoes off your sore feet.

You stumbled behind Jeehyung, the callous and icy floor crawled in the skin of your bare feet and you were sure it wouldn’t take much longer until your muscles gave up. Only few seconds passed by until you reached another heavy door at the end of the dark and narrow hallway. You supposed this was a cellar or something – well, it certainly was your rock bottom now.

Without any words, the door creaked open and without any respect, you got pushed inside. Jeehyung followed with closing the door behind and realized this room was even smaller when he switched the light on. But what you noticed next, was the figure leaning against the wall – hands up high as they were tied with chains hanging from the ceiling. Your jaw dropped low and your eyes widened at the picture of him being in this position. But moreover, it felt like someone would nonchalantly punch into your chest.

“Y/N!” Jungkook fought to say as soon as he looked up at you.

Your lips trembled when you neared him, observing how his thighs trembled and his breath uneven. The snow-white suit jacket he had worn last night – last night? or was it only a few hours ago? – was thrown to the ground. His purple shirt was torn open to expose his stomach and chest, and only then you saw the stains all over it, as lilac as the cotton hanging from his torso was. You could only imagine what he must’ve gone through by swallowing Jeehyung’s punches and you wondered if there had been more by the time he was locked up in here. “Jungkook…”

“Sorry, your man had to take some more punches,” Jeehyung whispered as he grabbed your arm to pull you backwards to him. “I hope you don’t mind, it’s what he deserves.”

Jungkook observed how Jeehyung untied the rope from your wrists and oh, did he look mad. His eyes were glaring with so much hatred, but when his eyes fell into yours again, they softened. They were sad, filled with so much regret and apology, then he spoke, “Y/N, I’m so sorry. I know you can never forgive me this.”

You gave him a light head-shake as an answer because nobody was at fault, really.

“God, you two make me want to throw up,” Jeehyung exclaimed, and pulled at your wrists even more aggressively now. Only now you realized your hands were freed, but not too long as you felt getting heavier stuff attached around your wrists. When you looked back, you saw that he was binding chains instead.

“Then puke,” you spat out, and now you were feeling much more hate than anxiety. In this room together with Jungkook, you suddenly felt energy rush in you, and you felt stronger than seconds ago. So, you were about to fight back, no matter if it only meant verbally.

Jeehyung mumbled in a smirk, “Hah, kinky.” Then dragged you a few inches further until you stood right in front of Jungkook, where only a hand could fit in between your bodies. You got lost into each other’s eyes, you blended out what the asshole was blurting about and more than that, you weren’t realizing what he was doing to you. You just let everything around you happen, while a tear flowed down your cheek – delighted and wretched you got to see Jungkook again. Delighted, because you were in his presence, alive. Wretched, because this horrible room, where you both were restrained, was the current setting.

“What the fuck are you doing! Let her go, Jeehyung!” Jungkook suddenly shouted as only now he awakened from the same trance as you and saw you as his mirror-picture – hands up high, chained, hanging from the ceiling. When reality hit you, you started shaking your arms, in hope you’d somehow slip out of the chains. But as Jeehyung only laughed at you in mockery, you comprehended you were done for good.

“Now, stay still,” Jeehyung demanded in a harsh attitude, “neither of you want to get killed, I suppose.”

He walked right to the side of the both of you and watched you, his grin sickening and evil. One knew how to possibly shut someone up with threatening and you had to give him that point. You didn’t want to die yet and neither did Jungkook – but if you compared yourself to him, you were more likely to be ice, frozen and unable to even move one inch. But he was the fire itself, his animosity burning inside of him and you wondered which point was needed to be reached until he’d flip tables.

“So, thank you for coming to this little party, my friends,” Jeehyung began and looked into this very small round before he continued his monologue, “I see you found your little Bonnie, Jungkook.”

“What fucking Bonnie are you talking about?” Jungkook hissed at the other man, gaining no reaction whatsoever.

“Don’t you know Bonnie and Clyde? That couple, which goes through crimes together and loves each other unconditionally. I mean, she isn’t the first one in this position here, right?” Jeehyung stated calmly, exchanging looks between the both of you in a friendly tone, as if he was waiting for a serious answer.

Anger slowly started building up in your gut and you couldn’t listen to his voice anymore, so you just fired back, “So what? I’m his Bonnie now, and? Why would that be your business?”

“It is my business indeed, because sooner or later he’s gonna get bored of you and will sell you to me,” he tilted his head in pure joy and you only opened your mouth in disbelief as you looked over to Jungkook again.

He firmly shook his head and defended himself, “I never sold any woman, Jeehyung, why are you saying this crap?”

Now Jeehyung started cackling out loud and seemed to have the time of his life, then added, “God, why do you take everything so serious? This is a little party, we should be joking around, hm?”

You breathed out exhaustingly and rolled back your eyes in tiredness, not knowing how much longer you could bear all of this. Not only were you chained up, but the man you desired as well – on top of that, Jeehyung was humiliating the both of you. Just when you let your head sink low to show no feelings anymore whatsoever, Jeehyung’s phone rang. Your head snapped back up and the man quickly checked it, stating, “I’ll be right back. Until then, you two try to fuck each other or something.” With that being said, he stormed out of the small room and seemed to have walked all the way down the hallway to pick up his phone. Pure relief extended under your skin when you now could finally bore your eyes into Jungkook’s again, without having to fear anyone else’s attendance.

“Jungkook…” you whispered, one edge of your lips lifting in a painful smile.

Instead of words, he simply leaned in to crash his lips on yours, filling you with relish and the comfort you just needed. You kissed him back, even harder but passionate enough for you to be left breathless.

When you broke the kiss, neither of you pulled away, you just stayed like that, forehead against forehead, feeling each other’s cold sweat and burning hot skin. “Say nothing and don’t be scared. Yoongi and Xio are on their way,” he murmured, softly rubbing his nose against yours to show his affection and care.

You asked back insecurely, “How are you so sure?”

“I just know it. They never leave me hanging…”

You fought another smile and so did he, and Lord, did it feel good and safe just to even be with him despite the horrible setting. You were simply glad he was alright and here with you.

“And I know you will never forgive me this, so I’m not sure how to even start apologizing. You don’t deserve any of this, this isn’t your world,” Jungkook stuttered in fear, but you wished nothing else but to hold him in your arms and give him warmth and strength.

You sighed, “I mean, this isn’t exactly what I expected when I let myself into you. But you made me fall in love again, so you can bet I won’t let go of that anytime soon.”

His head popped up with widened eyes. “You f-fell in love?”

“I-“ you swallowed hard, overthinking your next response very well as you didn’t want to say anything wrong. But where was the point in lying now? “I think so… I don’t remember the last time I have felt so wild, free and mostly alive. You provide me exact that feeling and I want to go on adventures. With you.”

His beautiful face now lightened up and a bright smile crossed his sharp but gorgeous features. Jungkook didn’t respond and you didn’t even expect him to. It solely felt virtuous to let out your feelings for once. You were more than ready for him.

“Then,” Jungkook started off, taking a break to breathe in properly, “you’ll need to know more about me, about the business behind.”

And there was it again, the adrenaline flowing in your blood. God, how eccentric and altruistic it felt, you could get addicted to it. You were totally going irrational.

“I don’t think we have enough time for everything, right? Jeehyung will be back soon. Just tell me superficial about it, because I have been curious about it way too long,” you bit your lower lip, all excited like a little child who was about to open their Christmas present.

Jungkook smirked at you directly, his gaze sending shivers down your spine. “You’re right, my dear. Let’s just say, I trade with a lot of things. Weapons, drugs, money, different currencies, illegal funds, and stuff like that.”

His expression was insecure for sure, but you gave him a small peck on his pretty mouth, saying, “Thank you for trusting me.”

As soon as you heard heavy steps from outside, you pulled away a little from Jungkook and both your expressions turned blank. As you assumed, Jeehyung stormed back in, a lot angrier this time and directly walked towards Jungkook. He pulled at his hair to get him to look in his face and you went numb when you watched the scene.

“This is it. You snatched my sister? Is this what we’re gonna do now? I won’t hesitate to pull the trigger this time, Jeon,” Jeehyung barked into the other’s face, and you weren’t sure if his eyes were red and his face covered wet because he was tired as hell or if he had just cried his eyes out.

You tried gaining your own little space by shyly pulling away from Jeehyung as you remembered Jungkook’s words from before. You better shut up before making everything worse, although it was easier said than done as you had no other choice but to watch them go off, letting outrage build up inside of you.

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook blatantly asked, white shock washed over his face.

Jeehyung rolled his eyes and clenched his jaws to the maximum, the outline of his face turning sharper than any sword. Before continuing to ramble, he pulled out a gun in under a second, now shoving the tip right under Jungkook’s chin. He was now forced to have his chin up high, eyes avoiding you in every way possible and you? You were completely anesthetized by now.

“Don’t lie to me. How dare you to touch a member of my family? That’s very disrespectful and you know what I do to people, who disrespect me. I kill them without hesitation,” Jeehyung growled and you closed your eyes in greatest fear. But when you heard the click-clack of the metal in his hand, you knew it was only a matter of seconds before he pulled the trigger for real.

“No, shoot me instead!” you cried out, unpredictably, and tore your eyes open again just to find them both glaring at you – one definitely amused and the other begging you silently to shut up. But that wouldn’t stop you. “Go ahead and kill me. If you’re going to kill him, kill me first!”

“Y/N, hold your mouth, you’re crazy! You don’t know what you’re talking about! If you want to kill anyone, it’s me! Let her go!” Jungkook pleaded from the depth of his heart, you could feel it.

And of course you were providing Jeehyung the best show he had ever witnessed, making him laugh a little – at least he felt some kind of joy with what he was doing. “Oh, Bonnie,” he now turned to you, whispering, “here you go again. This man is worthless, believe me.”

“No! I won’t let you kill him for fuck’s sake!” you screamed and the squealing noise was immediately followed by a gun shot, making you flinch abruptly and look to the ground, not wanting to see what you were afraid of.

Your quick heart pace caused your lungs to stop functioning normally as your breathing got uneven and too fast for you to catch up. Did he really just-

“You little bitch have no right to order me around!” Jeehyung spat out, lifting up your chin in a forceful grip – to let you see dust falling from the ceiling down on all of you, and Jungkook still shaking helplessly with the gun in his throat. Thank God, he only shot upwards.

By now you were covered in cold sweat and so were all of you as far as you could see. When you dared to catch Jungkook’s eyes again, you saw how much he begged you to shut up again, how his mouth formed words and sentences but no sound came out. Everything occurred in slow-motion now and it took you seconds to even process what was happening, who was talking about what, who was swearing who and who is begging and pleading and who was shouting and, and, and… But you didn’t want to give up yet, how could you be able to watch Jungkook go under right in front of your eyes? Was it supposed to end like this? Would that teach you a big lesson? No, you didn’t want it to end and the least thing you needed now was a wise lesson from all this bullshit happening.

It was again the push and pull. Jungkook didn’t push you away, he was pushing himself away from you, for you to not be hurt, for you to be free. But what you were doing, was the exact same thing. You were used to sacrifice yourself for someone else and so was he. If any of your exes would be in Jungkook’s place, he’d try and get out of here as fast as possible, caring about his own will to live. But the man in front of you would take all of it just to get you out of here, even if it meant his death. You pulled him, but he only pushed you into freedom, falling back all alone. You weren’t going to let that happen.

“No, Jungkook, you shut up. Jeehyung!” you fumed at both of them, leaving them both in surprised shock now. When you got the man’s attention, you simply repeated, “Shoot. Me. C’mon. Shoot. Fucking hell, shoot now!”

All of your anxiety turned into the biggest hurricane of adrenaline, causing everything inside you to burn and you weren’t going to let that sit still in there. You were ready to burst out, even if it meant to show a side you hadn’t even seen yourself but right now, you couldn’t sit there and cry, wait until someone from above came to save you. Your look fixed on Jeehyung, you were angry and made sure to not let his intimidation dominate you, but to let your abhorrence rule over him.

“Wow, Y/N, you’re the first girl to ever talk back to me like that, but you know what?” Jeehyung chuckled again, not letting himself down for sure.

As he observed Jungkook’s face one more time, the other man spoke with tears breaking through his eyes, “Y/N! Stay still, please, you’ll get killed for real. I want you to live, I want us to live. We can solve this somehow else.”

His words and the aching look on his face pinched you in the heart but it was too late now to regret your lost head from just seconds ago – Jeehyung had already picked another gun out of his pocket and you felt the cold metal shoved into your skin as well. A tear rolled down your face but that won’t do anything better, right?

The gun thrilled in your veins and you were constantly changing between breathing in a fast pace and not breathing at all for a few seconds. The only thing you were left to do was stare into Jungkook’s dark and hurt eyes, which at least filled you with some last hope.

“Hmm, how about we change from Bonnie and Clyde to Romeo and Juliet? I kill you both. It isn’t exactly suicide, but you die together and can continue your love in hell. I’ll be happy to engrave you two together forever,” Jeehyung lectured in a tone of a pure psychopath. Your head was sure lost already, but you wished you could now turn the tables somehow and kill him instead.

Jungkook didn’t dare to move one inch but he whispered in definite pain, “I told you, I fucking told you. Fuck.” Then he turned to Jeehyung, “Please, can you put the gun off her. I beg you. She has done nothing, man, nothing. I’m carrying all the weight and you know it.”

“She does have a little weight. Cheating on me in that poker game. You thought I wouldn’t realize, hm? I only let her go because I knew I’d catch her again sooner or later. And having you here in a package is the best thing that could happen to me,” Jeehyung snickered and kept shoving the guns deeper into your skins, and soon you would be off edge.

“So, who are we going to kill first? Or are we going to do it at the same time?”

You shut your eyes close very tightly, in hope to let this all fade away, let all the pain and fear of death disappear. In hope to wake up in the king-sized bed in Jungkook’s arms. But when you unsealed your eyes again, Jeehyung’s visage was still inches close to yours, frowning nauseatingly, a horrible grin put up and the devil spread all over his figure.

“We’re gonna do it as a surprise! I’m going to count from three, alright? Careful,” he announced and if this was truly going to happen, you’d want your last sight to be Jungkook’s eyes.

“Three…”

This short amount of time you spent with him was more meaningful than with any man you had ever met. He had shown you so much more than you ever thought you’d needed.

“Two…”

And this was how it’d all end. Not only the relationship, but your whole life. And you were only left to wonder if you’d ever meet him again in the after-life or whatever there was coming.

“One-”

“You’re not going to kill anyone, or you’ll be the next dead body lying on this floor!” a sudden loud female voice intruded the ceremony from behind Jeehyung and to the back of his head, he now had a gun breathing down his own neck as well.

---

a/n: ok guys, I’m dead and gone idk where to go from here I feel... empty. :)

[jamesbvck]

lost & found | b. barnes | part three

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU, Bartender!Bucky) Summary: Being lost was something foreign to you. Beginning a new life was an uphill battle. Being found was a surprise, especially unexpectedly by a man his own questionable past. Word Count: 3.4k Warnings: Brief mentions of anxiety, PTSD.  A/N: Welcome to part three! Please please please let me know what you think! :) 

MASTERLIST

Bucky knew Brooklyn like the back of his hand. He had spent many nights wandering the streets when he and Steve were kids and teenagers. On late nights when neither of them could sleep or they just needed to get out for a while, the streets were their jungle. Bucky made sure you were following closely as he looked both ways before crossing one of the busier streets. He could hear your shoes stamping against the pavement in order to keep up with his quicker strides. The place he knew had been around since the the mid-80s, always served the freshest bagels and food, and had the best coffee anyone could imagine. It wasn’t fancy or upscale; in fact, it was between a popular burger chain and a old ghostly-looking church.

The door chimed as the two of you walked in. The place was open 365 days a year, but Saturday mornings were their busiest. A line was formed and Bucky stood at the end of it. His eyes scanned the menu board, even though he got the same thing every time he was here. He could feel your presence beside him, arms lightly folded over your chest as you read the board as well. The line began to shuffle forward, with customers leaving with their white paper bags or going to sit on the red chairs to eat.

“Hey! Mister Bucky!” An older man with a white apron behind the counter greeted Bucky with a wide grin and a firm handshake. He looked to be in his late fifties, but seemed chipper and delightful.

“Hey Vic.” Bucky shook the man’s hand. “I’m going to have my usual and a small coffee.”

Vic punched some buttons of the cash register. “One everything bagel with egg and bacon, small coffee. That’s all?”

Bucky turned to the side. You hadn’t realized you were sort of hidden behind his bulky build. “She’s with me.”

Your eyes snapped towards him, then to Vic, who was giving Bucky a bit of a glare. It reminded you of the look a dad would give a son about not speaking up and ‘being a man’. But Vic’s glare turned into soft eyes and he gave you a warm smile.

“I’m sorry about that, dear.  Since Bucky here has always been terrible at introductions - I’m Vic, this is my place,” he said, and extended his hand to you. He seemed old fashioned, like he appreciated handshakes and decent manners.

You laughed quietly, with your eyes flickering to Bucky for a moment. He had a slightly flustered expression and you swore you could see a tinge of pink colouring his cheeks under his scruff. Politely, you shook Vic’s hand and introduced yourself to him.

“I think I’ll just have whatever Bucky’s having, I’m not too picky.”

“Two everything bagels with egg and bacon, and two small coffees.” Vic gave the total and Bucky already had the money in hand.

Bucky moved to the pickup corner, tucking the change away into his pocket. The two coffees appeared on the counter first and he handed one to you.

“Made a mental note that both you and Steve don’t let me pay for things.” You opened a small packet of sugar and poured it into the small cup, and then stirred in cream.

He half laughed, sipping his straight black coffee. “I guess our mothers raised us well enough.”

“I suppose they did.”

Vic waved the white paper bag in Bucky’s direction. Bucky leaned over the counter and took the bag. There was some extra weight and he knew Vic had thrown in two muffins for the hell of it.

“Thanks, Vic.”

“Tell Stevie boy to drop in!”

Bucky gave a nod, saying thanks again before exiting the bagel shop.

“Do you want to go eat in the park? That’s where I usually go.”

“Sure,” you agreed, and once again followed him along. The streets in Brooklyn blended together in your eyes, but hopefully sooner rather than later, you would be able to navigate without having to rely on Google Maps or a stranger on the street.

This time, you kept in time with his walking as you made the half-mile trek to Prospect Park. You felt like a tourist with Bucky guiding you. Clearly he had a specific spot he liked to go to, and that spot was a bench by one of the ponds. It was a wide open space, with greenery and tall mature trees waving in the breeze. It wasn’t as humid as the previous few days, which was a nice break.

Bucky sat on the bench, digging through the bag to get out one of the wrapped bagels for you.

“Vic also put in muffins, if you’re extra hungry.”

You smiled and unwrapped the bagel breakfast sandwich. It was a hefty food item but looked delicious. Your stomach rumbled as you took the first bite. Bucky was right; he knew a place, and that place was damn good. The two of you sat in silence, listening to the birds chirp and the ducks flap in the pond. Bucky had inhaled his first half before you were even three quarters of the way through.

“So, Natasha’s not your girlfriend?” You brought it up casually, or as casually as you could. There was curiosity poking in the back of your mind.

Bucky didn’t mind the question. It was a fair assumption, since she had been there so early in the morning. It probably seemed suspicious.

“No, she’s not, she’s a good friend,” he began to explain. “Nat is…I guess you can say, complex. Her story isn’t mine to tell, but sometimes she crashes at my place. I didn’t know she was there until I got home from closing up the bar.”

You nodded along. Somehow that eased you for whatever reason. It was nice that he helped out his friend when she needed it, and you wouldn’t pry for more information about her background.

“You guys never dated or anything?”

Bucky’s shoulders raised then lowered back to a relaxed position. “We’ve never dated. It’s not like that. We kinda messed around but that was a long time ago.”

You had a feeling that’s what it had been. To each their own and c’est la vie. Who were you to judge? The lid of the coffee cup met your lips as you took a long sip, then placed it back down on the bench. Bucky’s breakfast sandwich was finished with the wrapping crumpled in his hand. He plucked one of the muffins from the bag and peeled off the paper.

“I should tell you what happened last night,” you thought aloud.

“You don’t have to.”

You shrugged. “I’ve been told it’s helpful to talk things out and not to bottle it up, so,” you shifted on the bench so your body was angled towards him. “I kinda blacked out. I guess not kinda, I did. I freaked out, tried to keep myself calm, and couldn’t manage it.”

“Is that the first time that’s happened?” he asked.

You tore off a bit of bagel, examining the poppy and sesame seeds. “No,” you whispered. Bucky turned to look at you. His eyes were sympathetic, and the corners of his lips tugged into a frown. “I haven’t had something like that happen in a while. It’s not anyone’s fault. I just moved here, was pushing myself to be a good employee, and pushed too hard. I got overwhelmed.”

“The table next to those guys told me they were harassing you. And I’m sorry about that.” Bucky almost seemed ashamed, like it was his doing when he wasn’t even there. He had no idea, but he felt bad.

You wanted to tell him again that it was nobody’s fault, that this had stemmed from something in the past and you were working your way through it. That your ex-boyfriend was not the nicest of guys and put you through a version of hell. That each day was a new battle, but you were fighting. But your mouth remained closed and silence draped over the two of you. Perhaps it wasn’t the first real conversation you were to have with him anyway. It was too personal and uncomfortable.

There was a quarter left of your bagel and wordlessly you offered it to Bucky. He reached out and took the piece, popped it into his mouth, and began to chew. You brought your feet up onto the bench, tucking them under your legs. The park was occupied by joggers and morning walkers; yogees praised the sun and shade-goers buried their noses in paperbacks. It was serene. For a while, it didn’t feel like you were in a bustling city.

“I was in the army.” Bucky’s voice was somber. “Did two tours with Steve, and we did one with Sam. The last one ended in a downfall. Sam lost his best friend Riley and I got a little fucked up along the way.”

He stopped, and you weren’t sure if he was going to elaborate. He didn’t have to, didn’t need to if it was something that haunted him so deeply. In return, you had your own frown and concerned eyes. Your lips parted, but Bucky continued.

“What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that I understand. We’re all dealing with something,” he said, his voice turning into a mumble. His fingers fiddled with the muffin paper and his gaze was lost off in the distance.

“Is that what Sam was alluding to? Do you go to his sessions?”

Bucky nodded, “I go twice a month. Used to go twice a week but time passes. I didn't think progression would happen, but it has.”

You didn’t know about Bucky’s drinking or the stupid decisions he had made. You didn’t know how Steve had to bail his ass out one too many times. You didn’t know a lot of things but maybe you didn’t need to. It was a beautiful day yet here you were sitting with some semblance of a friend talking about issues and shit. Bucky was non-judgemental and at the end of the day, he was there the previous night when you had a small episode. There was a connection, a common ground that you had with him.

“Sometimes I feel lost.” You tugged at a loose thread from your shorts and ripped it clean from the hem.

Bucky inhaled as he straightened out his back. “Yeah, me too.”

His eyes caught yours and held your fixated stare for a moment. It ended with two shy smiles; his was bashful and tiny, while yours had a bit of hope attached to it.

Later, you held onto that morning with Bucky, jotting it down in a blank notebook Corinne had laying around. You weren’t fully sure what it meant to you yet. It could have been a breakthrough or progression. Either way, Bucky had unknowingly helped you. There was a bounce in your step as you walked into work on Monday. He was kind enough to let you have Sunday to yourself as well, but you didn’t want your co-workers to be angry with you. You were friendly to everyone, saying hello and putting your things in the back room. You grabbed your waist apron and tied it around yourself, before scraping your hair up into a ponytail.

It was quiet at noon, so you occupied yourself by rearranging the liquor bottles with one of the bartenders. You caught Bucky out of the corner of your eye. He had a black ball cap on and one of his three-quarter length sleeved shirts he always seemed to wear. He locked the door to his office and pocketed the keys. He had his session to go to in a while, but he seemed to be heading out early. He stopped as he turned to go, glancing at you. You smiled and gave a small wave from your spot behind the bar. Bucky walked over.

“Alphabetizing?” he asked.

“That’d probably be easier, but we’re categorizing by type, then alphabetizing,” you replied.

Bucky nodded. “I suppose that’s one way to kill time.”

“Yeah.” You smoothed down your apron. “Going to your appointment?” You phrased it generally, unsure if others were aware or not.

“Gonna go meet Steve, then head there.”

You hadn’t really talked to Steve after you had finally replied to his text from Saturday. You kind of felt bad but you didn’t necessarily owe him anything.

“Tell him I say hello.”

“Sure,” Bucky agreed. There was a slight awkward moment and you turned to go back to rearranging the bottles. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Bucky.” You stopped again to watch him go. Your eye flickered to the floor once he left and you breathed out a built-up sigh.

It was much of the same as the days passed. You and Bucky would have small, meaningless conversations throughout the work day. You caught him looking over, causing him to act quickly like he was busy doing something, but it would always result in sheepish smiles and sometimes a laugh from you. Bucky checked up on you, making sure you were fine and that everything was handled. He was taking precautions in order to make sure there were no repeats like that one Friday night. If he wasn’t busy, he’d sit with you while you were on your break. You enjoyed his company, since it was better than eating alone, and you secretly hoped it’d become a regular thing. There was nothing wrong with being friends with your boss, right?

One evening, after your busy afternoon shift was over, you sat at the bar beside Sam. He was chatting away as usual, filling in the empty air. He was a walking talking book with never-ending stories. You really didn’t mind. Sam was easy to converse with and could always make you laugh about something.

Natasha walked in with a confident strut, head held high, and went straight to you and Sam. Men snapped their attention to her as she passed them. Easily she ignored them, not bothering with dogs like them. You barely knew her, yet you already had admiration for her.

“Look who’s here! What up, girl?” Sam greeted Natasha with a half hug. “Have you met—“

“Hi again,” Natasha greeted you. She took the open stool beside you and shrugged off her leather jacket. You smiled in return and said hello.

Sam blinked. “Alright so you’ve met.”

You laughed. Natasha ordered a drink and spoke again. “Few days ago at Barnes’ place. Where’s he anyway?”

Sam looked to you with questioning eyes and his brows almost reaching his hairline.

“Erase those thoughts from your mind, Sammy. I was returning something.” You took a long sip of your drink.

“I’m not thinkin’ nothin’.” He focused back on Nat after with their own conversation beginning.

Bucky and Steve wandered in from the back entrance. Your posture straightened and your fingers wrapped firmly around the lowball glass. You hadn’t really seen Steve; he had been busy, and so had you. That was a typical adult life anyway. He looked good, a little too good, and with Bucky next to him it was almost looked like a movie poster for a buddy cop movie. Both leads were inhumanly attractive. You mentally kicked yourself; you couldn’t label your boss-friend as hot. That was unethical.

“Hey, stranger.” Natasha greeted Steve with open arms as she swiveled around in the stool.

Steve had a big grin, embracing his friend. “Romanoff, forget how to use a cellphone?”

Natasha didn’t respond. Instead there was a half smile before she turned to talk with Bucky. You wondered what Natasha did. Maybe she travelled for her job, or maybe she was just really bad with using a phone. Steve hovered close, moving to stand in between you and Sam.

“Have a sec?” he asked. You nodded, sliding off the stool to go with Steve.

Bucky glanced over as you followed Steve. There was something unsettling that panged in the pit of his stomach. Tapping the bar top, he told Natasha he had to go handle a few things. The redhead hummed, picking up the beer bottle.

“Give me the rundown.”

“Corinne’s baby sister. First night her and Steve talked, he took her to a Yankees game,” Sam explained. “He’s smitten, but I think she’s undecided.”

Natasha nodded along. “He brought out the big guns early and took her to a game. I’ll give him ten points. Her and Barnes?”

“Employer, employee.”

“And?”

Sam shrugged. “Haven’t paid too much attention.”

“Slacking on the gossip, Wilson. I’ll ask Wanda.”

There were nerves rapidly building. There was absolutely no reason to be nervous around Steve, yet here you were. He stood in front of you, tall, clean-shaven, and you swore he only owned t-shirts that were a touch too small. One hand was in the pocket of his jeans and he leaned casually against the tall table.

“I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize?” You were puzzled. “For what? You haven’t done anything wrong. I think.”

Steve chuckled. “Just in case I overstepped any boundaries. I was worried about you, about what Bucky told me.”

“Oh, Steve, that’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” You tucked some hair behind your ear. “I should apologize. I’m not a great communicator. I’m still trying to get used to a new city and not fuck up my job.”

You were navigating. Each day you had to prepare for and learn something new. You didn’t expect so many things to occur at once - friends, a job, some semblance of a normal life. On paper it read perfectly, but double checking the details, it was still in its first draft.

“I understand.” Steve was too kind. His bluish green eyes were too charming. “Just know you have a friend in me for whatever you need.”

Was Steve being a little suggestive, or was that just him wrapped up in a pretty bow and being perfect? You figured you’d never know, but nonetheless said thank you. He escorted you back to the others sans Bucky.

“Tell Buck I’ll talk to him later. Gotta go meet Tony,” Steve told them. “He’d probably like to see you, Nat.”

“Everyone would love to see me, Rogers,” she mused.

Natasha could hold her alcohol. She had already surpassed you and Sam and she was perfectly normal. You managed to pull some information out of her about how she could never stay in one spot for too long. She craved new things, new people, but somehow always found her way back to New York. It explained why she crashed on Bucky’s couch until she found something temporary (mainly at Clint’s, which you had learned later). The more you talked, the less intimidating she got. If anything, Nat was the best female you had ever spoken to.

Sam had taken notice of a pretty girl at the other end of the bar, situating himself with her and her friends. You smiled to yourself.

“I wonder where Bucky went,” you hummed.

“He disappears. It’s his thing. He’s like a ghost,” Nat joked.

“I’ll go find him. You gonna be okay here?”

Natasha gave you a look that made you laugh. She was capable of handling herself. You wandered off around the bar, searching around to see if you could spot him. He wasn’t in his usual spots, so you decided to head to the back to his office. The door was closed as you approached and you could hear voices on the other side. One was definitely Bucky’s, but two others were unfamiliar.

“Look— I’ll have the money, just give me another 48 hours,” Bucky spoke. “Shit’s tight around here.”

“Do I look like a fuckin’ fool to you, Barnes?” a rough voice barked back. “36 hours, money in my hand and I won’t show up in your area until the next payment is due.”

Bucky heaved a frustrated sigh. “Fine. 36 and I’ll have it.”

“It’s a nice place you got here, Barnes.” The other voice had a European accent. “Hate to see it all go down in flames.”

You heard footsteps coming towards the door. Quickly you fled and hid yourself in the narrow cleaning supplies closet, closing your eyes tightly. In total, you could hear two sets of steps on the tiled floor, which exited through the back door. You waited, slowly opening your eyes until you were certain they were gone.

Bucky stood in the middle of his office, looking a little roughed up. You didn’t dare enter or speak. You peeked to see him; he wore a frustrated expression and his right hand was curled into a tight fist. Immediately you knew this was bad. Whatever it was, Bucky was fucked.

tag list: @willhrndale @sweetpca @wintersparker @classicalbughead @abbadontherisingqueen @mystic-scripture@stardustparker @bleedlikerubies @fallenaristocat @beanie-betty @bubblybuckybarnes @queenlydias @eventyyr @thorins-queen-of-erebor @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @capbuckybuchanan @sweetpeassweetheart @beauty-who-doesnt-need-a-beast @lovinglokiforever @flannelfogarty @dontpanc @my-world97 @kali-rambles  **Please let me know if you wished to be added to the Bucky tag OR removed from the Bucky tag.

[choicesfanficanonymous]

A Night of Her Dreams

(aka- Happy Birthday Maggie!)

Note: This is not a typical fic, but this mystery author wanted to write something as a birthday gift to me. She knows too much, lol.

Book: The Royal Romance (Kind of)

Word Count: 2,162

————

Maggie fidgeted in her seat impatiently, craning her neck to peer out over the balcony to the auditorium seating below her.  The show was not scheduled to start for another thirty minutes, but Maggie was insistent that they arrive as soon as the doors opened so they had time to really absorb the energy of the crowd.  The tickets had been a birthday gift from her friend Tia, who had flown all the way in from Tennessee to share this wondeful experience for the first time in honor of her dear friend’s special day.  One Direction, one night only, live in Chicago!

Maggie continued her people-watching, observing the fans filing in to their seats donning various 1D attire and accessories.  She giggled when she noticed a large, muscular gentleman sporting a tight black t-shirt that read “I ❤️  Larry” in big bold writing across the front.  She swatted Tia next to her to get her attention and pointed out the man’s ensemble with a smirk.  Tia smiled with amusement, but her brow quickly furrowed into a scowl as confusion spread across her face.  “Wait, that’s a joke, right?  I don’t get it.”  She turned questioningly towards Maggie for an explanation.

“Oh Tia, I’m so glad that I get to witness your first One Direction experience and be the one to educate you.  It’s rather entertaining!”  Maggie chuckled before continuing her lesson.  “So Larry is the combined couple name that the One Direction fandom dubbed for Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles.  While they’ve never confirmed it, there have been rumors that the two band members have been a thing for years now.”

Tia nodded in understanding, but still had a perplexed look on her face.  “Okay … but if it’s never been confirmed, why the big deal around it?”  

Maggie shrugged, unsure how to explain the fan theory phenomenon of “Larry” to an outsider looking in.  “I don’t know … it just became a thing.  And the fans love it.  There’s a ton of fanfiction out there about Liam and Harry’s love life … that’s actually how I got started on tumblr.”  She recalls fondly.

“Really?  You started on tumblr because of a boy band?  I guess I always thought it was the beautiful creations of Pixelberry that attracted you to tumblr.”  Tia looked at her friend suspiciously, trying to process this abundance of new information.

“Ha ha … no, actually I found the Choices app through an advertisement on tumblr while I was on there for the One Direction fandom.”  Maggie shook her head, realizing how funny all of these obsessions might seem to anyone else.  But no matter how she got there, she would never regret her tumblr journey.  She had made some wonderful friends, read some fabulous stories, and even started writing herself … not to mention, the special birthday trip for this concert.

The friends continued to chat animatedly about fandoms, their kids, and perhaps some way too-detailed stories about their husbands as they waited for the show to start.  “Hey, I’m going to go get a refill.  You want something?”  Tia offered to her friend as she stood up.  

Maggie studied the ¾ full cup of Diet Coke she was holding, deciding that maybe some snacks wouldn’t be a bad idea.  “Sure maybe a pretzel or a popcorn.  I don’t want any reason to have to get up once the show starts!”

“You got it!  Be right back.”  Tia called over her shoulder as she started up the concrete stairs towards the exit.

Maggie took a sip of her drink and leaned back in her chair, enjoying the quiet for a moment.  She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, the footsteps and chatter around her blending together into a soothing form of crowd white noise.  She inhaled deeply, mentally preparing herself for the entertainment she was about to enjoy when-

“Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The deep voice jolted her from her trance as she raised her eyes to meet the tall, dark stranger looking over on her right side.  “Oh … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”  His voice was a gentle grumble, tinged with a strange accent, something between Greek and Italian with a hint of … Texan?!?  

Maggie cleared her throat when she realized she was staring into his deep chocolate orbs.  “Uhh … no, you’re fine.  I mean, it’s fine!”  She paused, taking a deep breath before she continued.  “And I don’t believe anyone has claimed this seat yet.”  She smiled warmly as the stranger nodded his thanks, settling himself into the seat beside her.

She stared ahead out over the bustling crowd below, however she could observe all of the handsome stranger’s movements out of the corner of her eye.  He pulled a flask out of his shirt pocket and took a swig, the aroma of liquor penetrating the air and Maggie’s nostrils as he slyly placed it back into his pocket.

“So what’s your poison of choice?” Maggie inquired playfully, giving him an aloof glance over her shoulder.  

The man chuckled. “Heh, you noticed that … well, I prefer whiskey.  Were you hoping I’d share?”  He gave her a crooked smile, his dark eyes dancing in the light.  

Maggie shook her head, rolling her eyes.  “I wasn’t requesting a sample … merely making conversation.”  

“How polite of you.”  He mocked her, but he didn’t seem to mind her conversation since he couldn’t help but continue it.  “I’m Drake, by the way.”  He held out his right hand to her, a large rough palm attached to a thick forearm sprinkled with coarse hair.  

“Nice to meet you Derek.  I’m Maggie.”  She placed her smaller hand against his and shook it firmly.  

“It’s Drake.  Drraaaakkke.”  Maggie’s jaw dropped in bewilderment as he repeated his name again.  ”But it’s a pleasure to meet you Maggie.”  

“You’re kidding me right?  Is this some kind of joke?  Did Tia hire you?”  

He gave her that crooked smile again and she couldn’t help but stare, studying his features now that she was looking at him straight-on.  

Damn he was amazingly good-looking … a perfect replica in the flesh of her favorite fictional character and love interest.  Drake Walker … even the thought of his name in her mind sent a thrill through her body.  This has to be a set up.  

“I’m sorry Maggie, I’m not sure I’m following … who’s Tia?”  Drake cocked his head, trying to comprehend what she was challenging after their brief introduction.  

“Tia’s my friend I’m here with, she went to get- you know what, nevermind!”  Maggie giggled, resigning herself to enjoy whatever bizarre alternate universe she was in while she could.  “So Drake … tell me, what brings you to a One Direction concert.  Somehow you don’t seem like the type?”  She cocked a brow at him inquisitively.

Drake snickered, running a hand through his disheveled chestnut hair and shrugging his shoulders.  “What, I don’t look like I’m a boy band groupie?” He laughed and shook his head.  “Well, to be honest I’m here, against my wishes mind you, with my friend Max.  He’s a big fan and made a special point that we come to the show while we’re in the states.  But he promised to take me on two different distillery tours if I was a good sport, so it’s not a complete loss.  Besides …” he tapped his index finger twice against the hard metal inside his shirt pocket, “I’m keeping myself entertained.”  He smirked.

Maggie couldn’t help but to giggle at this snarky, attractive man.  Hoax or no, this was fun and he was easy on the eyes.  “Well, Drake … you mentioned you’re not from the states.  Where are you from?”  She leaned forward and propped her elbow on the armrest, resting her chin in her hand as she looked up at him through her lashes.  

“It’s a very small country in the Mediterranean that you’ve probably never heard of.  But enough about me!  Tell me about yourself.”  His eyes flitted to her left hand resting on her lap.  “I see that you’re married.”

Maggie blushed, flattered and dumbfounded by Drake’s boldness.  “Yes, happily married.” she confessed.

“Damn, too bad for me.”  Drake muttered regretfully, his eyes darting over her face.  He coughed and sat up straighter, trying his best to compose himself.  “And any children?  By the look of you I’d say you’re too young …”

Maggie snorted at his ridiculous compliment.  “Ha ha, very funny … I’m 36 today, so too young is definitely not the case.  And yes, we have two beautiful children.”  She beamed into his eyes affectionately.

“Could’ve fooled me…” Drake muttered under his breath, temporarily lost in her gaze.  He stared a moment longer, then blinked his eyes as if he were waking from a dream.  “Sorry, I think the whiskey is catching up with me.  So tell me more … what do you-“

“DRAKE!” A shrill man’s voice called from the aisle.  Drake closed his eyes and exhaled a slow breath, gradually turning to look back over his shoulder at the bouncing bundle of energy coming their way.  “Drake, man!  I’ve been looking everywhere for you!  What have you been doing?”  The younger man bounded towards them and stopped beside Drake, a confused look on his face.  Maggie examined the man, a full-grown manchild sporting a holographic 1D shirt to match his 1D emblem temporary (or at least she hoped so) facial tattoos.  

“Well, Max, I was holding onto our seats while you were off searching for cotton candy.”  Drake responding, not even attempting to mask the annoyance in his voice.

“Yeah, turns out they don’t sell it here.  Bummer …” Max looked down at the floor like a disappointed child denied his favorite candy, before looking back up to his friend.  He looked down at the tickets in his hand and then to the numbers labeling the seats, then back to the tickets again.  “Yeah, and apparently I couldn’t find you … because these are not our seats.  We’re down there.”  He pointed over the railing into the lower level.

“Wow, you really are a fan, aren’t you?” Maggie joked playfully.

“Why yes I am!” Maxwell bowed slightly in acknowledgement.  “And you are …?”

“Oh I’m Maggie!” She extended her hand to the other man, who took it firmly to shake it in his own.  “And, these really are my seats.”  She quipped, gesturing to the two chairs she and Tia were occupying.

“Nice to meet you Maggie, I’m Max …” The lights flickered in the auditorium to signal the five minute warning. “ … and that’s our queue!  Drake we really need to go find our real seats!”

“Yeah yeah, wouldn’t want to miss a second of the boy-band-a-palooza.” He replied sarcastically, shifting in his chair to face Maggie once more.  “Well, it’s been a pleasure Maggie.  Thank you for keeping my company while I waited on Boy Wonder here.”  He scooped her hand up gently from where it lay on the armrest and pressed his lips against the back of her hand.  “I hope tonight is everything you dreamed of.”  He gave her a soft smile, his gaze lingering for a moment.

“Oh I think it already is …” Maggie murmured under her breath, momentarily lost in Drake’s eyes.  She shook her head, trying to shake the daze away.  “I mean … thank you.  It was very nice to meet you Drake.”

Drake gave her one last smirk as he stood, then reluctantly turned to follow his friend to their seats.  Maggie watched him as he walked away, admiring the view of his backside as he faded into the distance.

“Ugh, you would not believe the lines down there, Maggie!”  Tia groaned as she plopped down into her seat, shoving a carton of popcorn towards her friend while she settled in.  When she finally looked up to find Maggie looking back up the auditorium stairs and not retrieving her requested popcorn, she gave her a playful shove.  “Hey, what’re you staring at?”

Maggie smiled as she watched Drake and Max disappear into the tunnel leading towards the door vendors and stairs, Drake looking over his shoulder one last time with a sly grin before ducking inside.  Once there were no traces of the men, she finally turned to face her friend.  “Oh, just a friend.  We were catching up earlier.”

“Oh that’s nice.  Anyone I know?” Tia asked while she stole a few morsels of popcorn from the carton.  

Maggie pondered Tia’s question, unsure she wanted to disclose the details of her surprise visitor. Whether he was a hired actor,  the most authentic reincarnation of the pixelated hunk himself or a figment of her imagination … she wanted to remember this night for just herself, untainted and perfect.  “No, just an old friend.”  She replied softly with a grin, just as the lights dimmed and she felt the music begin pulsing through the air.

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 10)

Description: Alodia learns a thing or two about her new past, and Jake faces some uncomfortable questions. 

Tagging: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo , @princesstopgun

Chapter Ten : A California Interlude

Alodia

Far sooner than I would like them to, Raj, Quinn, Estela, and Mike drift back to their lives. At least I still have Jake and Diego, even if Diego opts to stay with his family. I don't blame him. Both our families can be a lot to handle, and with a delicate situation like this, it is probably better to let us each manage one side. Poor Jake is not having an easy time of it with either set of guardians. He has it slightly easier with Diego's parents, but his mother is still inclined to criticize him. We've tried to assure him that Diego's mother has criticized every boyfriend I have ever had—and probably would have criticized my girlfriends too, if she had ever been able to wrap her mind around the idea of me having a romantic or sexual attachment to another woman. But maybe that's why it was easier for me to come out to them than it was for Diego. I learned to live with the fact that she would criticize every boyfriend and treat every girlfriend as if she were just a new close friend or a phase I was going through. It must have frustrated her that I seemed to keep relapsing just when she thought I was back into boys for good. Maybe in that sense, Jake is a relief to her.  

For Diego, it was more difficult. He never had a girlfriend his parents could reassure themselves with. For awhile, they latched onto the idea that he and I would fall into each other's arms once our hormones hit, or we turned around and had one of those chick-flick moments where we realized that true love had been there all along. He and I did actually try kissing once when we were twelve, but it felt weird and neither of us liked it. I still played his beard on and off, but even if we fooled the rest of the world, his parents eventually started to understand that we were like brother and sister. Even if we were both straight, I doubt we ever could have seen each other that way. With that illusion shattered, I suppose it was only a matter of time before they couldn't ignore the fact that their son was gay any longer.

Diego has been out to his family since sophomore year at Hartfeld, but it's strange to think of them breaking bread with him and letting him sleep under their roof now. Since coming out, he always spent vacations with my family, who for all I could say against them have at least never batted an eye at people for their sexuality or gender identity. ...I don't like to think about how he managed things in the timeline where I didn't exist. I'm trying not to think about that timeline at all. I'm just glad his family is getting back on track. ...Maybe it helps that he can't introduce his husband to them for reasons besides his sexuality still being a touchy subject. I suppose it is easier for his parents to accept him as a free-spirited bachelor than a man married to another man, even if the other man in question were not a hyper-evolved human with blue skin.

On this particular afternoon about five days after my return to Riverside, my aunt and uncle are at work, and expected to be late. Jake and I have passed a lazy morning in each other's company, one that puts me in mind of the life he described us sharing the night of our handfasting. We stay in bed fooling around a little too late, eat a simple breakfast together, and linger over our coffee before heading out to the terrace to stretch out in the sunshine. At some point, the housekeeper arrives. It has not taken me long to realize that she doesn't like having me or Jake around while she's cleaning, so it's a blessing to us all when Diego calls and offers to take us downtown for lunch.

He's driving a white Mercedes-Benz when he pulls up to the gate. I know it's a rental since he told me he didn't want to buy a car until he had a place to live, but I still can't help being a little impressed and proud.

“Look at you, with your fancy-ass car,” I tease as Jake and I climb in. “Those book royalties really are treating you right.”

He grins sheepishly. “Well, yeah. And maybe I like to show it off a little.”

“Hell, you deserve it, Short Stuff,” Jake declares. “You wrote a good book.”

“So, what are you guys in the mood for lunch-wise?”

“Burgers,” I reply without hesitation. “Burgers and fries and something carbonated to drink.”

Jake shrugs. “Works for me.”

Diego laughs. “All right, folks. Well, we're in California, so let's do this right!”

Not long afterwards, the three of us are sitting in a booth at In-N-Out, savoring burgers, fries, sodas, and milkshakes.

“Hey, Allie?”

I look up at Diego, mumbling, “Yes?” around a mouthful of meat, bun, and fixings.

“If it's none of my business, you can tell me to buzz off, but...I was wondering. The other day when my mom showed up and your aunt dragged you into the library...what did she say to you?” When I freeze mid-chew, he hastily adds, “I mean, I'm just asking because you seemed upset, but you never said anything else...”

I finish chewing and swallow. “...She...didn't say much, actually. It seemed like once she had me in there, she forgot why she'd wanted me there in the first place. ...She did ask my why I called your mother Mama.”

“...You've always called her Mama, haven't you?”

“That's what I said. At which point Aunt Molly just kinda blinked at me and muttered something about my real mother. I told her I never even knew my real mother...”

“Wait, was she trying to say that calling the woman they hired to raise you 'Mama' is somehow disrespectful to the mother who died when you were too young to know her?” Jake asks. I shrug.

“I guess. ...It never bothered her before, though. Or if it did, she never let on.” I frown. “There was...one thing she said that kinda stood out, though. Something about how my parents tried so hard to have me...”

“They had trouble getting pregnant?”

“I guess. Unless she means that they adopted me...”

“I don't think that's likely,” Jake remarks. “Given how much you look like your aunt, that would be a hell of a coincidence if you weren't biologically related.”

“In some sense, I'm not,” I reply before I can stop myself. A moment of awkward silence descends over the table. I clear my throat. “I noticed the dance studio on the way over here. The one I used to dance at?”

“Right. I remember.”

“I was thinking I might take a few classes there to keep myself busy. And possibly go back into the Trainee program. That's where they have older students acting as teachers assistants for the younger classes. I did it back when I was a teenager,” I explain for Jake's benefit. “I know I'm older than Trainees usually are, but I've been thinking that in time I might like to teach dance. You know, for money. This might be a good way to get my foot in the door.”

“If that's what you want to do, that sounds great,” Jake says. “I should probably get off my ass and start looking for work myself. Your folks aren't gonna be as lenient with me as they are with you.”

I chuckle. My eyes wander lazily over the In-N-Out's patrons, then stop on one young woman, heading out the door. My heart leaps to my throat, and I stand up sharply.

“Hey!” Jake takes my hand, looking up at me with concern. “You okay, Princess?”

I stare at the spot where the woman had been standing. In my mind, I can still see her. Slim and athletic. Doe-brown skin. Dark hair pulled tight in a ponytail, but I can only imagine it short, cropped close to her neck...

I slowly sit back down. “I...I'm fine. There was just someone here who...looked...like...”

“...Like who...?” Diego asks.

I hesitate for a moment, wondering if I should tell them. My knee-jerk reaction is to play it off, hide it like I always did on the island whenever something happened that scared me. But no. I'm not on the island anymore.

“She looked like Lila. I'm sure it was a coincidence.” They both relax a little.

“Probably was,” Diego agrees. “Even if she was alive, I don't know what Lila would be doing in an In-N-Out in Riverside.”

“She didn't exactly seem like the burger-and-fries type,” Jake adds.

That actually makes me laugh. “You know, I never really thought about it, but you're actually right. It's really hard to imagine Lila chowing down on a burger.” I pick up another french fry and cram it into my mouth. “So, Diego, what's the class you're teaching in the fall?”

* * *

That evening, Jake and I sprawl out on the couch to watch an action movie after dinner. Something with explosions, a plot that's easy to follow and a romance that's been shoved in as an afterthought. It's in the midst of a high-speed car chase that Aunt Molly comes home. Uncle Rob is not far behind her. They pop in briefly to ask if we want dinner, but when we decline, they mostly leave us on our own for the rest of the evening. After the movie ends, though, the silence in the den brings them in.

“Would you two care to join us on the terrace for grasshoppers?” Aunt Molly asks. “There's something we'd like to discuss with you.”

Her words give me a lump in the pit of my stomach, but I don't really feel like I can refuse. I glance at Jake, who seems to feel the same.

“Yeah...sure...”

A few minutes later, we're all in lounge chairs on the terrace, lit by the outdoor lights and the lights from the pool, sipping on grasshopper ice cream cocktails. They're a perfect blend of sweet and alcoholic burn, and I sip mine slowly, savoring it.

“I gotta say, I ain't usually one for cocktails, but this is damn good,” Jake remarks.

“I'm glad you like it,” Aunt Molly says politely. “Alodia...I was wondering if you've thought at all about going back to school and finishing your degree?”

The question makes me pause. “You know...I hadn't...really considered the fact that I technically didn't finish.”

“There's no need to rush into the decision. It's just that you were doing so well at Hartfeld, and it's only been five years. It may be possible that your completed credits will still transfer if you decide to finish at a community college here. I don't know what work might be available for a history major specifically, but just having the completed degree will surely give you a boost.”

“That...may be true. I will definitely think about it.”

“...Your uncle and I had a lot of plans for your graduation. We wanted to make a big showy fuss to show you how proud we were. We have no doubt that you would have completed college when you were meant to if you hadn't gone through that nightmare. And now that you're back...we realize that an elaborate party might be a little much for you right now, but we'd had a few other treats in mind and we hope you will allow us to indulge you.”

Well, that doesn't sound too bad. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, altering our plans slightly to include your boyfriend, here's what we were thinking: I'm off next Friday. I thought I could take you to get some official things taken care of, Alodia. Renewing your driver's license, transferring your trust fund, doing some shopping, that sort of thing. Then, we drive up to Los Angeles to meet Uncle Rob and spend the weekend up there. We could stay in a nice resort, and on Saturday, you and I could have a spa day like we used to when you were a teenager. Massages, facials, wraps, mani-pedis...the whole nine yards. Followed by a nice dinner for the four of us.”

“And while our girls are getting pampered,” Uncle Rob adds, looking at Jake. “You and I can play a couple rounds of golf.”

Jake looks for a moment like a deer caught in headlights. He clears his throat. “Uh...sir, I ain't never played golf in my life. ...Except mini-golf.”

“Oh, that's all right, I'll teach you. No one will judge you if you end up over par.”

“You ain't worried I'm gonna break a window on someone's Rolls-Royce?”

He laughs. “There is a reason the course is a decent hike from where the cars are parked. Don't worry, they take all possible precautions.”

“Well...I guess fortune favors the bold.” He still sounds a little uncertain, but I'm glad he doesn't look totally panicked.

“Then it's settled,” Aunt Molly says.

“But can we get reservations for everything on such short notice?”

“Oh, don't you worry about that. We'll take care of everything. Promise.”

* * *

A week from Friday, after taking care of my driver's license and my trust fund, Aunt Molly insists on taking me shopping for new clothes for our weekend in L.A. She insists that after five years, I need a new wardrobe anyway. I could try to explain to her that my body hasn't aged. The official story that I was sealed in a stasis tube would support that statement. But I know it's not really about what I need. She wants to spoil me, and I suppose I should let her, even if it feels strange. I half-heartedly examine mannequins in everything from shorts and fitted T-shirts to sparkly evening gowns, knowing I'm inevitably going to walk away with half the store crammed into four or five bags.

I might be a little more into the indulgence if there wasn't a half-formed memory that had been  tugging at my mind since we were at the DMV. Renewing my driver's license was a simple process, since I had apparently been licensed before my disappearance. But that sent my thoughts tumbling into an entirely new rabbit hole when I realized that to acquire a license or a passport or anything like that, I would have had to present a birth certificate at some point. And just like that, I remembered pulling the weathered page out of a lockbox where my aunt and uncle kept all my important official paperwork. I could picture it in my hand, fragile and brown, and oddly smooth and shiny. And across the top of the page, in overly elegant script, the words Consular Report of Birth Abroad stand out in my memory.

“Hey...Aunt Molly...what you were saying the other day, about my mom and dad trying so hard to have me...what did you mean?”

“Oh, they had a terrible time trying to get pregnant, that's all. Thankfully, the problem was in your mother's fallopian tubes, not her ovaries or uterus, or your father's sperm, and IVF worked a treat. Got you on their first try that way.”

“...Where was I born?”

Aunt Molly pauses, her hand on a glittery red evening gown, and frowns at me. “...Don't you remember?”

“Remember my own birth?” I quip. “Not likely.”

“No, I mean...I've told you the story before, haven't I? I'm sure you asked me when you saw your CRBA certificate...”

“I...don't remember,” I confess feebly.

“Your parents were on a cruise in the Caribbean, touring the Greater Antilles and escaping the cold in New York. Cassie was only thirty-four weeks gone, so they weren't really expecting anything to happen before they got back, but I guess you were eager, because her water broke just before midnight during the New Year's Party on deck. The ship was anchored somewhere between Kingston and Santo Domingo, and they had to rush to the nearest port. The whole thing was over within five hours.”

“Was I born at sea?”

“Well, you were definitely born on the ship. Your mother was never sure if they made it to port on one of the smaller islands or not. Either way, they had to go to the American embassy in the Dominican Republic to get you a CRBA certificate so you'd be recognized as an American citizen.”

“Oh.”

I don't know if my aunt has made the connection. If she paid attention when I won that trip back in college to where I was heading, if it ever occurred to her to look at a map of the Caribbean, or if it ever crossed her mind to muse about it. I don't ask. And I don't tell her what has quickly become obvious to me: that the cruise ship my mother and father were on had indeed made it to port. Even in this timeline, where I have my own life and my own existence outside its influence, I was born on La Huerta.

* * *

They surround me and my friends as we press together, bound and on our knees somewhere in the jungle. Their skin gleams vibrant shades of blue and green, tattoos curling over their glistening bodies. Watchers. Hostiles. Or whatever it is they call themselves. They bark at us in a fearsome, guttural tongue, thrusting spears and knives in our direction.

The sea of green and blue humanoid bodies parts, revealing two blue-skinned males, one stooped and wrinkled, one young and strong, more than six feet of pure, sculpted muscle. I know the latter. He is their leader. The one who wore the lion mask. Who touched my forehead and broke the barrier between us so that we could communicate. Who led the attack on The Celestial. Who took my best friend from me. All fear is washed away by a cold, desperate anger. I draw myself up on my knees and capture his gaze with mine, glaring.

“Where is my friend?”

To my surprise, the Watcher's eyes soften as they take in the sight of me. “You are Alodia. ...The one who was a child with Diego. Who is like his sister.”

“Yes. I am. Where is my brother?”

There is something in the Watcher's gaze that makes me feel cold all over. Something like...pity. Sorrow.

“I will take you to him.”

“Varyyn...” The old man speaks in his native tongue, but somehow I understand him. “Your mother has requested that the Catalysts be brought before her immediately.”

“This one is very special to Canis. I must take her to him.”

“And what am I to tell your mother?”

“Tell her that I believe seeing his sister again may give Diego strength. Unless you believe Raan'losti can be averted with only eleven Catalysts.”

“Wh-what are you talking about?” Dread is growing in the pit of my stomach as my mind races towards understanding. “What do you mean 'give him strength'? What's wrong?!”

“Come. I will take you to him.” Before I can ask any more questions, he has cut my bonds and pulled me to my feet. My friends, only understanding half the conversation, immediately begin shouting in protest, struggling even as amber speartips press closer to their flesh.  

“Princess!” Jake cries.

“Take your hands off her!” Sean snarls.

“Where she goes, we go!” Raj adds. “Or else no one goes anywhere!”

“Wait!” I cry. “He's taking me to Diego!”

“Then tell him to take us with you!” There is desperation and fear in Jake's eyes. “Don't let him take you alone, Princess! Please!”

“You can't trust him!” Estela adds.

“You need someone to watch your back!” Craig agrees.

The Watcher—Varyyn—keeps a grip on my arm. I look back up at him. “...They're afraid,” I try to explain. “They think you're going to hurt me. They want you to let a few of them come with me.”

“I know,” he answers in English. Surprise goes through me like a mild electric shock, but it's overpowered by fear for Diego. He looks over my friends. Slowly he points to Jake. Then to Sean. Then...to Michelle. In his native tongue, he says, “Lupus, Aquila, and Pavo. Cut their bonds and have them follow me.”

The warriors obey. Jake rushes to take my hand. I grip his as we follow the Watcher into the village. He leads us into a quiet hut where a small fire is burning. My heart drops into my gut.

Diego, his hair grown to his shoulders and a six-month-old beard on his ashen face, lies curled in a hammock, shivering under a blanket. His cheeks are high with feverish color. Sweat glistens on his forehead. His breathing is shallow and labored, ragged as if the act of pulling in air is painful.

“Diego!” I drop Jake's hand to run to my brother's side and find his. His grip is limp in mine as I gently push sweaty strands of hair off his hot forehead. His eyes flutter.

“A-Allie...?” he croaks feebly.

“It's me,” I assure him, even as I hear my voice trembling. “It's me. I'm here. It's okay, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay.”

I don't know if Varyyn understood what he was doing when he let Michelle come with us, but I don't question it now. I look desperately at her, silently pleading with her to fix this. Make him better. She is already at his other side, feeling his pulse, laying the back of her hand to his forehead. She is frowning as she puts her ear to his chest to listen to his lungs. She rises, looking at Varyyn.

“How long has he been like this?”

“Nearly two weeks,” Varyyn answers softly. “We have tried everything we know. But I am afraid this is beyond our experience.”

“...Pneumonia is beyond your experience?” she asks incredulously.

“I...do not know that word...”

“Inflammation of the small air sacs in the lungs. It's why his breath sounds so ragged.”

“...I have never heard anyone breath that way who did not show...in...injury...” he replies, his voice a whisper. I bite my lip, trying to hold back a sob as I stroke Diego's cheek with a trembling hand. Michelle purses her lips.

“Show me what you've been treating him with. If he's been like this for two weeks, things are unfortunately very, very serious.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “Don't give up yet, though. I'm not going to let him die.”

I smile feebly at her, but when I look back down at my best friend, I feel my heart sinking. Michelle won't stop trying to save him. Not until he dies. ...But I have a terrible feeling he is already past hope...

Jake

In the darkened bedroom of a luxury suite at a Los Angeles resort, I find myself roused from sleep. At first, I'm not sure what's got me up. Then, in the darkness, I start to make out the sound of soft sobbing. Alodia's voice is muffled, like she's crying into her pillow, but the sound is unmistakeable, and she sounds like her heart is breaking. Still bleary, I roll over and put an arm over her, drawing her close. She curls into me, weeping brokenly.

“I'm here,” I murmur into her hair. “I'm right here.”

She tightens her grip, fingertips digging into my back. Her face presses into my shoulder. She makes a noise that sounds like an attempt at speech, but her words are garbled with tears.

“...You wanna tell me what's wrong?” I ask gently. She nods, but she doesn't speak until I ask, “Was it a bad dream?”

She nods again, this time whimpering, “...It was Diego...”  

“He's okay. He's alive and well, and he's in Riverside.”

“...In my dream, he was in Elyys'tel...it was just after we jumped six months ahead.”

“What happened to him.”

“He was sick. Pneumonia, Michelle said. Apparently, he'd been sick for a few weeks...”

“We couldn't save him with the Island's Heart like we did for Quinn?”

“I don't think so. Not in that timeline. Varyyn wasn't elyyshar yet. I don't think he felt brave enough to demand that Uqzhaal tell him about it. Besides, the Catalysts as a whole didn't have the rapport with the Vaanti yet that we had when we used the Heart to save Quinn.”

There's not much I can say to that. I just hold her against me, stroking her hair. Finally, I say, “It's over. Everything we went through on that island is over. The cycle is broken, Vaanu is free, and you're home safe with me.”

She sighs, nestling into me. “I just wish we weren't in an L.A. resort with my aunt and uncle in a suite down the hall. That whole nightmare began in a luxury resort.” She whines a little. “God, Jake, I wish I hadn't agreed to this weekend...”

“Really? All things considered, it seems pretty generous of your folks...”

“Yeah, but it's their kind of generous, which means it's showy and expensive, and whatever this surprise is on Sunday, it's also going to be showy and expensive...and it was one thing when I was a kid and I was dependent on them, but taking their money now...that trust fund and everything...I haven't earned any of it...”

“Are you worried someone is gonna think you're spoiled? That you've had everything handed to you on a silver platter?”

“Well...yes.”

“And whose opinion is it you're concerned about?”

“...I...” she trails off. “...I don't know...”

“Mine?”

“...No...”

“Diego? Sean? Estela? Quinn?”

“No, not any of you...”

I kiss the top of her head. “Your family knows you're not spoiled. In fact, Princess, as far as I'm concerned, anything your folks give you, you more than deserve it. You gave up your existence to save the goddamned world. If your folks want to give you a luxury weekend in L.A., fucking let 'em. If they wanna give you a car, fucking let 'em. If they wanna give you a trust fund so that you always have a financial safety net, keep it. You took care of us and the whole world. Let the world take care of you for awhile.”

“...Raj said something similar.”

“Raj is smart. You should listen to him.”

She lets out a short laugh. “Yeah...I should, I guess. But I don't want the world to take care of me forever.”

“It won't be forever. Just long enough that you can figure out what to do with your second chance. And as long as you want me to be a part of it, I'll be here.”

“I always want you here, Top Gun,” she replies affectionately. I roll onto my back to draw her to my side. She lays her head on my chest. “...Hey...Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“...Do you think it's really over?”

“Is what over?”

“...The island. Everything La Huerta did to us. The two-thousand one-hundred thirty-nine loops. The Endless, the Island's Heart, Vaanu. ...Are we really free from that?”

I want with all my heart to tell her yes. Of course we are. But how can I tell her that when there's a time crystal running rampant somewhere on the east coast? Truth is, I don't think it is over, not by a long shot. And while I'm less scared of her disappearing again than I was when she first came back, I am still fucking terrified that this whole Prism Gate thing is going to end up hurting her somehow.

“...I don't know, Princess. I really don't. I hope like hell we are. ...But all I can promise is that if we're not, I ain't gonna let anyone hurt you. And neither are any of the others.”

“I think I'm going to need protection if it comes to it,” she admits. “I don't have any of the Endless' powers anymore.”

“Hey, maybe you can't time travel, but you're still a badass.” I tap her nose lovingly, and she snorts. “I mean it. Everything the Endless was and could have been is still in you, and that ain't changing. Now what's say we get a little sleep? I gotta get up early so your uncle can probably kick my ass at golf.”

* * *

At six in the morning, Alodia and I drag ourselves out of bed. We resist the urge to shower together, knowing that we'll just end up late for breakfast, stumble into our clothes, and shuffle into the elevator. After hitting the breakfast buffet with her folks, we reluctantly part for the day. She goes with her aunt, and I follow Rob to his car. From there, things get kinda surreal, honestly. When we reach the course, I'm introduced to Fred and Leon, who have been enlisted to complete our foursome. I am introduced as the boyfriend of Rob's niece. They both know who his niece is. They both know that she's been found. They're both a little mystified that she “already” has a boyfriend, and can't decide which of us is the one rushing into things.

As we made our way to Elyys'tel a few weeks ago, Alodia told us about when we made that journey with Rourke and getting trapped in a time loop of approximately twenty minutes. She was the only one aware of it. She described how every time, something subtle changed, and she had to learn from each loop until she found the source of the disturbance and destroyed it. As I play golf with Robert Fisher and his two friends, I start to feel like I can empathize. Rob takes his turn first, then me, then Fred and Leon. During Rob's turn, Fred and Leon make small talk in soft voices, trying to figure me out. They ask their questions, and I answer.

“How did you meet Alodia, Jake?”

“...We were on La Huerta together. I was the pilot who flew her and the others from Costa Rica, and I got stranded there with them.”

“You're up, Jake!”

I take my turn, end up well over par, and slink back to my spot, where the older men have been muttering. While Fred and Leon take their turns, Rob eyes me quietly. Then it all begins again on the next hole. The questions...

“So you're a pilot, huh?”

“Well, not so much anymore, but yeah. Used to be a fighter pilot in the navy. Then I got discharged and flew commercially for awhile. But I was working as a bartender when Alodia turned up again.”

… and then I take my turn, ending up well over par. It all goes on for more than four hours. But finally, Rob and I break off from his friends and head into the clubhouse for lunch. The whole place oozes an old-fashioned sort of masculinity, not necessarily toxic, but it kinda reminds me of the naval academy in a way that isn't always good. The navy can turn out guys like Mike, but it can also turn out assholes like Lundgren—and women like Jeanine, who throw their lot in with assholes like Lundgren out of a thirst to prove themselves, desperation to survive among the male recruits, a genuine lust for power, or some combination of those. Still, this place has beer and sandwiches, and I could use a couple of each after what I just went through. We wolf down sandwiches and Rob orders another round of beers.

“Not bad for your first try,” he says generously.

“Suspect that's a lie, but I appreciate it.”

“Well. Now that we're in slightly more private surroundings, I was hoping you and I could discuss a few things, man-to-man.”

I should have guessed something like this was coming. “Let me guess. You're wondering about my 'intentions towards your niece'.”

Rob barely bats an eye. “Something like that, yes.”

“You do know she's an adult, right?” I probably shouldn't act so cocky, but I don't have it in me to play humble and deferent to this guy when that would mean playing into this bullshit notion of Alodia as some delicate, naive flower. She fought a fucking hydra for fuck's sake.

“Even adults can be taken in sometimes,” he replies.

“I don't think you have to worry about that with Alodia. She can smell bullshit a mile away.”

“Nonetheless, perhaps you can reassure me.”

I take a deep swallow from my second beer. “Fine. My 'intentions' are to be with her and love her as long as she lets me. To be her partner in life. To be her friend and her lover.”

“You speak very romantically for only having known her for six months.”

“When you know, you know,” I reply, shrugging. I finish off my mug.

“...Another round? We don't have to meet the ladies for at least another four hours. And worst case scenario, we'll get a car to the restaurant.”

“Yeah, sure.” I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I have a bad feeling he's trying to get me drunk so I'll give something away, like my intention to marry Alodia for her money, then murder her and flee back to Costa Rica. And I'm a little worried I'll end up blurting out just that in a moment of drunken frustration and he or someone else in this uptight purgatory will take me semi-seriously. But I accept a third mug, trying to nurse it a little.

“I didn't know for sure that Molly was the one for me until we'd been dating for three years.”

“Yeah, well, if you'd been in a situation like what the twelve of us went through, you probably would've known sooner. Being held prisoner by a lunatic criminal tends to make feelings clear pretty damn quick.”

“Still, it's been five years. Have you had another girlfriend in all that time?”

“A couple. Couple boyfriends, too,” I say pointedly. Alodia's told me her aunt and uncle are aware of and fully support her own sexual orientation, so I doubt they'll be put off by mine, but I want to lay as many of my cards on the table as possible so they don't have anything to use against me later.

“None of them lasted?”

“You must know what grief is like. You build walls that aren't easily knocked down. Alodia knocked down a lot of my walls in the time I knew her. When I thought I'd lost her, I built up new walls for her. Ain't no one I went to bed with who stuck around long enough to knock 'em down.” Oh, fuck me, I've somehow managed to finish my third beer, and here he's ordering another round. I'm starting to feel a little heady. “One guy came close, but didn't prove up to the task in the end. And now, six months later, the love of my life is back, and she still loves me. If I still want her and she still wants me, why shouldn't we be together?”

“Do you intend to marry her?”

Oh, fuck shit on a cockstick...what the hell kind of question is that and why do I suddenly feel so unprepared for it? The words are half out of my mouth before my brain catches up to me.

“We're already married.”

“...What.”

Classic reaction. Flat affect and everything. The expression halfway between disbelief and displeasure. I grimace, looking into my mug of foamy amber liquid. Same basic color as the Catalyst idols. Or apple juice. Probably a common substitute on film and television when an actor's character needs to drink beer for a scene. Hell, my sister once tricked me into tasting my dad's beer by telling me it was apple juice when I was a kid. Never touched apple juice again. Still like beer though. ...Where the fuck are these thoughts coming from? Oh, god, what was I talking about?

“I mean, not...legally. It was like, two days before Rourke dragged 'er off and stuck her in the tube we found 'er in. We thought we were gonna die, so our friends threw together a little ceremony for us.”

“...In prison?”

My inebriated mind races, searching for the most plausible combination of truth and bullshit I can muster. “Well, no. We'd managed to escape him and throw him off for awhile, but the way things were going, we weren't all that hopeful that we'd make it off the island. Like I said, it wasn't a legal ceremony or anything. Just a ribbon tied around our hands and speaking vows. But what the hell is legal marriage except a piece of paper and tax breaks and shit?”

“...So, you don't have any plans to legally marry her?”

I kinda get the feeling I fucked this up somewhere. “I mean...if she wants to, then yeah. Let's do it. But you know the only reason she's calling me her boyfriend and not her husband is she didn't want to freak you guys out.” Good god, McKenzie, just shut up!

But then Robert Fisher surprises me. “If you're going to be my niece's partner for the long term, whether or not you marry her, you will need a job. It's true she has a trust fund that could last her a good long while, but I don't want either of you relying on that forever. Especially if she decides to go back to school and complete her degree. So, I would like to offer you a job.”

“...I...you...what?”

“At my firm. One of my employees has a spouse whose job is transferring them out of state in two weeks. It's not anything complicated or fancy, doesn't require a law degree. It's just clerical work. But it pays well. Have you ever done anything like reception or anything administrative?”

“I...did some temp work here and there after getting off the island...”

“That's fine. We've got time to train you. We may have to get you some new clothes, too. ...But that's only if you accept the position.”

“I...well...” I pause a moment to hiccup. “...I...don't know how wise it was to ask me that when I'm verging on drunk.”

“Should I ask again tonight?”

“Yeah...please do...”

* * *

A few hours later, I've sobered up, showered, and dressed in some clothes I borrowed from Rob that he says will be appropriate for the restaurant we're dining in. He's got me in a sportcoat and tie, so I'm guessing it's someplace fancy. We don't say much on the way to the restaurant, but I do accept the job offer, which he acknowledges with a satisfied nod and a promise to take me shopping for appropriate attire tomorrow.

The restaurant is some five-star French place, elegant and classy, with a dance floor and a live string quartet. Molly and Alodia are waiting for us outside. When I see my wife, my jaw drops. Whatever they did at that spa certainly did it's job. She looks absolutely stunning, practically glowing in a glittering dusty rose evening dress. Her hair is swept up and pinned back in an elegant twist, with soft golden ringlets framing her sweet, heart-shaped face. She beams as she comes to kiss me.

“Don't you look handsome,” she murmurs. “Did you enjoy the game?”

“I sucked at it, but no one said it,” I quip. I lean over to kiss her ear and whisper. “I let slip about our symbolic wedding. Didn't give too many details.”

I can practically feel the anxiety ripple through her, but she pulls back and smiles. “It's okay,” she replies, softly but not so softly that Molly and Rob couldn't hear if they wanted to. “It was bound to come out sometime.”  

I smile, reaching up and tucking a loose ringlet behind her ear. “...God, you look beautiful.” I turn, offering her my arm. “Shall we?”

Surprisingly, the subject of mine and Alodia's “symbolic” wedding doesn't come up over dinner, although Rob does announce that I've accepted the job he offered. Between dinner and dessert, we join a number of other couples on the floor to dance. They're playing a waltz, but only a few couples seem to actually be waltzing. Most of us are just wrapped up in our partners' arms, swaying gently. Alodia's arms twine around my neck and we look into each others' eyes as we move.

“You seem pretty at ease,” I remark. “I guess that trip to the spa did what it was supposed to?”

“It was really heavenly,” she admits. “Nothing wrong with a little indulgence now and then, I guess.”

“Feeling better about what's likely going to be a showy and expensive surprise tomorrow?”

“A bit, yeah. But you know what I'm really feeling good about?”

“What?”

“Being here with you.” A mischeivous smile flickers across her face and she waggles her eyebrows. “...And all the stuff I want to do to you tonight.”

“Oh, Princess, you read my mind. You don't think your folks'll let us skip dessert, do you?”

“Unfortunately not. We'll just have to make do with two helpings.” She presses close to kiss me.  “Just don't lose the mood before then.”

I nuzzle her neck. She's wearing some kind of perfume, something flowery and just a little musky. She's warm in my arms, a perfect fit.

“I don't think there's a chance in hell that I'll lose the mood tonight, Princess.”

[alivingfire]

Never have I ever written a Vampire au

i haven’t, and i’m honestly surprised at myself.

and y’all know me, i can’t just write the normal “no we have to stay apart because i’m dangerous” “but i love you, despite it all!” vampire story. so, let’s see… (more under the cut because it got long)

what about vampire louis, forever 25, who was turned back in the 1830s. it was the height of unrest, riots breaking out because of food prices, no unions yet to help those who spent their days in factories, and no child labor laws. louis works on the docks in london, fingers frozen as he hauls heavy boxes full of food he can’t afford, his trousers worn thin because he also can’t afford wool for more and has no one to sew them for him anyway.

he’s walking back to the workhouse where he lives when he’s pulled into an alley and bitten. he wakes up feeling warmer than he ever has before, despite the dawn chill, and his neck aching. he writes it off as a weird happenstance – he probably just passed out from not eating, or the cold.

but he goes back to the docks and finds that he can lift more than he could the day before, can hear more around him, can see the shipping labels on boxes from dozens of meters away. he tries to choke down a sandwich for lunch but it unsettles his stomach, and he can’t do it. but he doesn’t feel woozy from lack of food, and he’s still not cold.

at the end of the day, louis is grabbed by the arm and pulled into an alley once more. this time, louis recognizes his attacker: a guy named liam who works alongside him on the docks.

“what happened to you?” liam asks, eyes wary.

“i honestly don’t know, mate,” louis says.

liam, as it turns out, is a werewolf, and he haltingly explains how he recognized louis’ changed scent as soon as he was nearby. “you’re a vampire, louis,” liam says.

“you mean i’m dead?”

liam shrugs, still looking apologetic. “depends on who you ask. but more or less, yeah.”

and so louis is suddenly no longer alive, a quick end to a hard life. but, somehow, he’s also still here, which is pretty extraordinary.

liam and louis stick together after that – london’s a big place, and there are a lot of supernatural people there, but it’s easier when it’s just the two of them. they still live in the workhouse, still work on the docks. just because louis is suddenly immortal doesn’t mean he suddenly has money, too, or a place to live, or anything besides the clothes on his back.

it’s a dangerous world for a supernatural guy, as louis finds out – he’s not at risk for starving to death anymore, but his chances of being staked in the heart have increased exponentially. hunters work in the dark, claiming they’re on righteous missions to rid the world of evil. there are religious zealots who run them out of town when they find louis helping a stumbling liam back to the village after a full moon, both of them covered in blood. and there are traditionalist immortals who hate them too, because louis doesn’t kill the people he feeds from and liam has no desire to be in a pack, and so maybe they’re more equipped to deal with danger but that doesn’t mean they’re completely safe.

years pass, decades, and louis and liam move around to keep from attracting suspicion. they have a few cool stories, have met a couple of notable figures, do a couple of things that would be impossible for humans. but mostly they just keep living, because the thing that twilight doesn’t tell you is that you only get to be a rich, eccentric immortal if you die a rich, eccentric human. liam and louis definitely aren’t rich, and they didn’t die that way, either, and so they have to find odd jobs where people won’t ask questions on the full moon or when louis has an allergic reaction to garlic someone else is eating a block away.

there’s still danger, being what they are, but they’re mostly able to go under the radar. hunters have a harder time operating in a world with security cameras and cell phones. those traditionalists who hate liam and louis for not playing by their ancient rules mostly stay in their towers and dungeons, avoiding the world. and the religious zealots, descendants of the men who used to burn witches (and people they didn’t like) at the stake, have to be careful about what they say, and who they accuse. none of them want to face public ridicule for announcing vampires are real, and it’s more important to keep their good names than chase out the rare supernatural being.

liam and louis are back in london, which (finally) takes us to the other half of the story. louis has found a job in a twenty-four hour store of some kind, let’s say a supermarket. he does the graveyard shift because then he doesn’t have to spend time in the sun, and he can get away with looking pale and lifting more than is humanly possible because there’s literally no one there to witness it.

and one night he’s doing his thing, stocking shelves and wasting time, throwing baby carrots at liam over the shelves, laughing every time he hears the little thump of vegetable against liam’s skull. someone clears their throat next to him and says, “uh. excuse me?”

louis turns and. stops. the guy is pigeon-toed and grinning sheepishly, holding a bag of… are those kebab sticks?

“hi, sorry, i just. i need a new bag of, um,” he rattles the kebab sticks. “a few are broken.”

louis takes the bag and feels his eyebrows go way up. some of the sticks are broken, yes, but he’s pretty sure there wouldn’t be this many broken right in half just from shipping. also, he’s pretty sure the top of the bag has been glued together to look like it’s never been opened.

and, right there on the edge of one of the broken sticks… is that blood? that’s blood.

“uh-huh,” louis says skeptically. “i’ll… see what i can do.”

luckily, his manager doesn’t care about a pack of kebab sticks that cost less than two pounds, so louis grabs a new bag for the guy. “thanks, this is so helpful, thank you,” the guy keeps saying. louis walks with him up to the self-checkout and repeats that it wasn’t a big deal, really, until the guy, blushing, says, “i’m harry. would you- would you like to go out sometime?”

which is silly. this guy can’t be more than twenty-two, and he’s emotional about kebab sticks, and he’s also buying said kebab sticks at four in the morning, so he’s clearly a mess. and, alright, louis is technically only twenty-five, but he’s also technically one hundred eighty-eight, which is quite an age difference, and he has no particular emotional attachment to kebab sticks.

but louis says, “i get off in thirty minutes,” and harry beams.

louis spends those next thirty minutes pretending he doesn’t hear liam laughing at him from the aisle over, and trying to keep his grinning to a minimum. finally, the clock strikes five o’clock and louis tosses his apron aside, knowing liam is responsible enough to grab it for him. harry’s waiting by the front door, bouncing on his toes and still holding his new bag of kebab sticks. “hi,” he says breathlessly.

“hi,” louis says back.

they step out into the watery pre-dawn light, and then louis hears something like a twig breaking to his right. he ducks instinctively and barely gets missed when something – someone – goes hurtling by him, supernaturally fast.

harry shouts, and louis rolls back onto his feet to jump in front of him, to get between harry and whatever the hell chose the worst possible moment to attack him, but then –

but then harry’s ripping open his new bag of kebab sticks and plunging one into the attacker’s chest. the guy – who louis vaguely recognizes as another vampire with territory issues – lets out a howl and dissolves into ash. harry tosses the broken kebab stick off to the side and wheels to face louis.

louis, meanwhile, is racing to put together an explanation. i don’t know that guy, maybe he was a mugger? no, that doesn’t explain the whole … ash… thing. he races to come up with something when harry says, “i’m so sorry.”

“uh. why?”

“i didn’t mean for you to–” harry says, then breaks off, frustrated. “i usually don’t… show this to anyone. at least, not on a first date.”

“show what?” louis asks.

harry is back to looking sheepish, and he holds his hands out in a half-shrug. “i’m… uh… i’m a vampire hunter.” 

“you hunt vampires,” louis echoes. “with kebab sticks.”

“well, i mean, any wood will work in a pinch, but–” harry stops. “you’re not freaked out?”

“that depends on what you mean by freaked out,” louis says truthfully. he’s fought off his share of hunters before, and harry clearly doesn’t know what he is, but it’s still strange to stand next to a human, looking down at a pile of what used to be a dude and is now grey dust.

“can i explain over breakfast?” harry asks hopefully, and louis says yes.

harry tells him about his family, growing up learning that fairytales and horror stories weren’t always just fantasy, about reading ancient tomes and handwritten journals on how to kill vampires, witches, fae, and werewolves. “the world is so much bigger than you think,” harry says, all earnest eyes.

“apparently so,” louis says.

he knows it’s a terrible idea to still be here. he should make his excuses, grab liam, and pack the two of them up to a new town, a new country, maybe. they could stay away until harry’s retired from the hunting game and then come back. or, they could play it safe and wait until harry’s dead, that would do it. 

louis doesn’t like that one bit, even though he knows it’s probably what liam would do. 

but when harry says, “can i see you again?” louis only hesitates for a moment before saying yes.

it’s wonderful, if louis ignores liam’s hissed warnings rattling around in his subconscious. they go on dates and harry hangs out with louis while he shelves vegetables and cans of soup and louis even meets harry’s best friend, a kid named niall who carries a silver knife strapped to his thigh because “werewolves blend in a lot better than most other things,” he tells louis solemnly.

it’s all wonderful, until it’s not, because eventually something has to go wrong. harry and louis are leaving a restaurant, maybe, one late night, when someone grabs him round the neck and holds a stake to his chest.

“what are you doing?” harry is shouting, and louis wants to tell him to quit tugging on the guy’s arms or he’s going to be staked anyway, but he can’t quite get words to form in his mouth. he throws an elbow backwards and escapes the hold, and he starts to run, but–

he turns back to harry and freezes, because the guy has him, now, instead. it’s one of the traditionalists, the vampires that don’t like louis for daring to work alongside humans and go to movie theatres and diners and such. and those same traditionalists also hate people like harry, for a much more straightforward reason.

“let him go,” louis warns, but the old guy just grins.

harry’s eyes are wide, and he yells, “louis, run!-” before the guy puts his hand over his mouth.

“well,” the guy says, “isn’t this sweet.”

louis feels himself getting angrier, and he snaps. he bounds across the space between them, too fast for the human eye, and flips over harry and the bad guy so he’s behind them. he sweeps the guy’s legs and pushes harry forward, out of danger. it only takes a twist of louis’ hands and the guy falls, eyes unblinking for good, his neck at an unnatural angle. 

“what–” harry says after an unending, silent moment.

“i know, i should’ve–”

“you’re a–”

“yeah, i am, i am, i’m so sorry–”

“so that’s why you wouldn’t try my garlic chicken,” harry says, and louis laughs, stunned into it.

“yeah,” he says, smiling hopefully. “that’s why.”

“i’m going to have to hide you from my family for a while,” harry says.

“that’s fine.”

“and i might threaten to stake you when you make me mad.”

“totally acceptable.”

“but we can do this, right?” he asks, even more hopeful than louis had been.

“yeah,” louis says. “i think we can.”

[iseultsdream]

Mar 15, 2018 - The Ides of March ...and a very long story -photo taken Jan 11, 2018

Years ago when I was in my 20's I almost died in this pond. The memory of that day has stayed with me as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. I think having a near death experience sears that event into your memory in a way that you wish other memories could be retained.

This pond sits in a isolated spot which is not accessible by vehicle. It is usually approached on foot, by by bike, or on horseback. The land around it is slightly elevated, giving it a bowl-like appearance. There are a couple of houses now on one side, mostly hidden from view in the woods above the pond, but back when this story takes place there were none.

Back then I lived on a small farm, about 1/2 a mile from the pond, in a house without electricity, which was located down a long, mostly rough dirt road, a mile from the main paved road. It was a simpler time on the Vineyard then, so this was not as unusual as it might sound. On my farm I had a small herd of Nubian dairy goats, a few Muscovy ducks, a flock of chickens of various breeds, a couple of hives of honey bees, and an old horse named Jinx who had been left on me to care for which turned out to ne for the rest of her life. I shared the house with a couple of cats, 4 Afghan Hounds -2 adults and 2 puppies- and a now ex-partner of mine.

Across the dirt road from the house was the big farm field, the same one I now walk around on an almost a daily basis. Back then the fields were unfenced, and for a time no one lived on that farm, so it became, in a sense, an extended part of my little farm. I would let Jinx graze out there freely, and the dogs could run around in the field, although usually under my supervision, since being sighthounds their keen eyes were always seeking the far horizon and what exciting adventured might lie out there.

Spring is slow to come to the island due to the moderating effect of the cold ocean that surrounds it, but that sunny March morning there was a hint of early spring in the air. As I did some spring prep in the garden, the puppies were playing together in the near-by field. I was keeping an eye on them as I worked. One of the times I looked up, I noticed that they had wandered further out into the large farm field.

When I caught up to them, they were near the top of one of the low hills that surround the pond. They were excitedly hunting for mice in the clumps of dry winter grass, and almost didn't look up when I reached them. I watched them for a moment, while I lingered there in the beauty of the field, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. After a bit, I lifted my gaze to the pond below. The pond still retained a good portion of ice cover with an inch or two of snow covering the ice. The edges had started to melt back, and the open water had reached about 4-5 feet from the shoreline in most places. As I looked down on the pond, a hole near the center of the pond caught my eye, and I wondered what had caused that, but that thought broke off quickly when I was shocked to see something move in that hole. With growing horror I recognized it as a distant neighbor's dog, a large white German Shepherd. Initially, the white dog had blended in with the snow-covered ice. For a few seconds I took in this dreadful scene, and then quickly I rushed to gather up the puppies, and took off racing across the rough field back to the house. Thankfully, my partner was at home. Out of breath, in a frantic voice, I described the situation. In trying to think of what to do, all that came to my mind were ladders and ropes.

Well..this was the point when a different decision should have been made, but neither of us considered any other option.. We couldn't call for help. There was no phone in the house, and there certainly weren't any cell phones back then. To get help it would have required driving a mile over the rough dirt road out to the main road, and then somewhere further to find a phone. It felt like by then the dog would be dead. Besides I always consider myself good in a crisis, so I felt it was something I could handle. When I look back on it all now, and that happens every single time I encounter a frozen pond, or hear on the news of an ice rescue, I realize how little I understood of the extreme dangers that lay ahead, in that moment of youthful enthusiasm and determination.

So, we took off in his truck withe a ladder and ropes, straight across the bumpy, still frozen field. Upon reaching the top of the hill above the pond, we jumped out, grabbed the ropes and the long ladder, and with great difficulty hauled it all down to the shoreline.

In the time it had taken for me to get back to the house, the weather had changed. March is always a mercurial month here. The feeling of spring had dissipated. The sky was now darkly overcast, and a cold wind from the ocean had come up. Standing next to the edge of the pond, it felt like we had been plunged back into winter.

We could now see the Shepherd clearly, clinging to the edge of the hole with her front paws. Her eyes now intently fixated on us. It seemed the only way to reach the main body of ice would be to get into the water and hike yourself up onto it. Time was running out, so, without thinking further I found myself chest deep in the coldest water I had ever experienced. I was totally unprepared for the sudden shock of that icy water which seemed to suck all the air out of my lungs. It was almost impossible to breathe at all. Despite that, I continued on, but when I reached the edge of the ice, piece after piece broke off in my hands. It became quickly apparent that this was not going to be the way to reach the dog. After getting back out, we noticed that on the far side of the pond( which in the accompanying photo is across the pond to the right of center) there was a section of ice still attached to the shore, so we dragged everything over there.

Here is where we made our second, and most serious mistake. I had the idea of sliding the ladder onto the ice, and tying a rope to it, then I would move along the ladder to the hole and then somehow get hold of the dog's collar. In writing this now, it all seems crazy, but in an emergency situation like this, if there is no other help, you go into it figuring that you can do it, or at least you have to try. Somehow though, in the midst of this rushed effort to get out to the dog, we forgot a very important element. We had tied a rope to the ladder, but forgot to also tie another rope to me.

I moved along the ladder by straddling it in an almost prone position, and then pulled myself along it. As I slowly approached the hole in the ice the dog became more animated. She had started to whine, and was making more desperate attempts to reach me. When we had laid the ladder on the ice, we found it was too short to reach the hole, so we came up with the idea of once I was almost out there my partner would try to slide the ladder forward a few inches at a time towards the hole. Each time he pushed, I had to hold on tightly, so as not to fall onto the ice. We progressed forward little by little, but just before I reached the edge of the hole, the ice suddenly gave way under me, causing the ladder to upend and send me plunging into the hole with the dog, who immediately grabbed hold of my shoulders with its paws and held on. The ladder plunged into hole also, and disappeared quickly under the ice, dragging the unsecured rope with it.

This happened so suddenly that the shock and horror of my situation didn't register immediately. At first I just tried to get back up on the ice around the hole, but as with my previous attempts from the shoreline, the ice kept breaking away. I could see the fear and shock in my partner's face who had plunged himself into the water at the shoreline trying to reach the edge of the ice to get up on it, only to run into the same breaking ice problem.

I remember treading water, since it was well over my head. I was cold of course, but I think the wool vest, and felt-lined boots I had on may have slowed a bit the dangerous chilling of my body. I remember feeling a brief moment of panic, which fortunately didn't last too long, as our desperate attempts to get me out kept failing. No one knew we were there, and at that time of year it would only be by chance that someone would happen onto us.

As the situation began to feel more hopeless, I began to realize that I just might die there. In my head I started seeing newspaper headlines about two foolish people and a dog who happened out onto to March ice, for whatever imagined reason, and were found dead. In my desperation, after more futile attempts to get onto the ice, for a very brief instant I though maybe I could swim under the ice to the open water since it wasn't that far, but thankfully something stopped me from considering that in any serious way. I was told later that I would most definitely have died if I had tried that.

I remember there was a point where I wasn't as aware of the cold anymore, and almost felt euphoric. As I treadled water, wondering how I would ever get out of there...or if I would..I started to feel very tired. I remember so clearly watching a large flock of Red-winged blackbirds, just having returned for the spring a couple of weeks before, suddenly flying in and alighting in one of the near-by trees filling the air with their loud,distinct and welcome spring song. I remember feeling absorbed for a few seconds in the exquisite beauty of the sight and sound of those birds. As icy water slipped through the layers of my clothing, I knew time was running out and hypothermia was setting in. I remember wondering if the sight and sound of those birds would be the last thing i had a sense of before succumbing to the cold water. Perhaps that may have been part of what suddenly pushed me into a renewed effort to try to get out.

With waning strength I returned to trying to heft myself up onto the ice, as it continued to break away. All the while the dog held on, digging its claws into my shoulders. And then one of those times I got a bit further up on the ice, and the buckle on my belt caught hold of the ice, giving me just enough traction to get my whole body all the way up onto the ice. For a moment, I couldn't quite believe I was out, but quickly realized I was not out of danger since the ice could break again at any moment. I looked back at the dog who was paddling frantically now at the edge of the hole, and without thinking, I quickly reached back, grabbed her collar, and somehow, with a strength I never would have guessed I had, I dragged this big, heavy, wet dog up out of the hole and onto the ice with me. When I think back on that now, I am still amazed that I was able to do that.

Fortunately, the frozen surface held as I slid myself across the ice, dragging the dog with me. We had to get back into the water where the ice had melted back from the shore, and then finally with incredible relief, we were back on land. I could hardly stand at all,and my hands felt like useless clubs. The dog couldn't stand at all. The truck was at the top of the hill, so my partner carried the dog, while I, with great difficulty, struggled up the hill behind them.

We got the dog back to its home, just as the owner of the dog was arriving home with groceries. We were soaking wet, and I had almost lost my voice completely from the chilling in the icy water so it was difficult trying to explain what had happened. We told her that she needed to help the dog get its temperature back up to normal. She seemed a bit confused about all of that, and so casual, that I realized that she wasn't taking in how dire a situation it had been.

The dog survived and was fine for a while. I'd occasionally catch a glimpse of her in the neighbor's yard, or trotting up and down the dirt road. It made me happy to see her. I was saddened to hear many months later that she had died hemorrhaging while giving birth from an unplanned pregnancy.

I took my temperature when I go home and it was 92. If it had dropped anymore, and I had still been in the pond, I most likely would have become unconscious, and then drowned. I got in a warm shower, which I found out later, is apparently not the safest method to use to warm up from hypothermia, but I didn't know that at the time. I just wanted to get warm. For about a couple of weeks afterwards, I felt very weak and had no energy for anything. I felt as if I were recovering from a long, debilitating illness. For a few months, I had terrible recurring nightmares which always consisted of me trying desperately to get out of a hole in an ice-covered pond. Thankfully, I don't have those anymore.

Side note: Not many people have heard this story, except for family and a few friends. I realize no matter how many times I tell it, I am unable to find the right words to truly and vividly describe what it really felt like to be trapped in that ice cold water, with a feeling of no escape, and the sense for a bit that I just might die there. The local newspaper would have covered the story, probably using it as a warning to others as what not to do, if they had been told.

After that experience, you couldn't get me out on an ice covered pond ever again, even if I was reassured that the ice was thick enough. And in case, you might wonder what t do in a situation like this. First of all, if you are able, call for help. Don't try this alone. But if you accidentally fall through ice,and are stuck in a hole as I was, apparently, the best thing to do is relax your body and let it float up into a more prone position in the water, and then start kicking your feet which should propel you forward onto the ice. Stay prone, and try to slide yourself forward until you reach more solid ice.

[weelittlewain]

5.7.2020

I couldn’t sleep this morning so I sat on the couch and watched the sun rise. I watched as my cat Dexter sat in the window jerking his head at any bird that flew by. I fall asleep on my couch and miss my zoom call with my Critical Skills course. I almost never missed a class and I was looking forward to the last connection before the end of the course. The amount of writing I had to do for that class was beneficial to my mental health. Our professor let us know he would schedule a meet-up on campus after quarantine is over. I think we were his favourite class. 

In the afternoon while lying in bed we somehow got on the topic of my Celtic knot tattoo. I actually got it from an Anxiety Colouring book designed to calm people down. It was Kelly’s and I just remembered I lost the book to a patient. The patient was in her teens and had melanoma in her leg. The cancer was so extensive that the majority of her thigh was missing. Surgeons had to constantly debride it and there was a vacuum seal on her wound where they carved out the ligaments and cancer. Basically when there patients with leaking wounds or open belly surgeries that have pus and such they lay down a sponge-like material over the area of the body, make an airtight seal and then attach it to a machine that sucks all of the excess fluid out of the body. We have to turn all our patients every two hours so they do not have skin breakdown - as I’m sure you can imagine this was beyond painful for her. Anyways, the girl had complained about her colouring book and I had offered to bring mine in with various pencils and pens. I gave her a plastic bag and eventually checked in to ask her how she was enjoying it. She absolutely loved it. We never really used that book and even though I could have gone to the unit she was transferred I knew that it was in its rightful place.

I am not sure what I am going to do to keep myself busy whenever school is over. I have three books I have been meaning to read – hopefully I’ll take advantage of the amount of time I have on my hands. I know I want to travel around the island and go to places I’ve never been. I have reached out to a local homeless shelter perhaps I can do that or volunteer at the fire station right down the street from my house. Kelly has finally put away our Monet thousand piece puzzle. I wish we had more.

The tree outside our window keeps swaying and is more full than ever. We admired the birds that came and went while playfully poking at one another. The days during quarantine seem to blend together at this point. The wrinkle on my forehead that started forming when I was a kid seems to get deeper by the day. All I know is, I am grateful for Kelly’s support and I am having a wonderful time with her – even if we can’t go to our favourite places. I’m sure I’ll figure something out this summer with what to do. This song always reminds me of Kelly and finally seeing it with her performed live by Brandi Carlile was nothing short of special.