#there is a moment however in the episode where the murderer is a female TV executive

[giantkillerjack]

This is, of course, assuming he is a human man and not a ghost with one name and a fake first name that he had to put on his fake police ID ;)

I have watched COLUMBO with my grandpa so many times when I was a kid and I never knew Lieutenant Columbo's first name was Frank! Frank Columbo! Frank!

[doubleaspectrum]

School Days Anime, Analyzing the Real Tragedy

About 4 months ago, I got around to watching the notorious School Days anime. And boy, was that unpleasant. If the words “despairfest hellscape” don’t sum it up, nothing will.

That being said, there are some things of value there. It is arguably the most realistic depiction of a harem protagonist and harem storyline. Also, even if the male lead has all the sympathetic qualities of a serial killer who targets Muppets, the female leads were still interesting characters with sympathetic qualities.

Anyways, my topic was about the idea of Tragedy. Well, I looked it up on TV Tropes and that wiki points out that Tragedy isn’t defined in a literary sense as something that makes the audience sad. It’s more about the self-inflicted fall of the protagonist. And that does fit the School Days anime to a T.

Think about it. School Days is about a psychopath named Makoto Itou who wants to have sex with a pretty girl. With some “help,” he ends up getting exactly what he’s looking for, and then some. However, his psychopathic tendencies leave him with a lack of conventional morals. To be more specific, he’s a whiny, irresponsible manchild who can never stop cheating because he’s incapable of seeing himself as being wrong. By the end of it, he finally crosses a line by running away from the girl he supposedly impregnated and insisting that she gets an abortion that she doesn’t want. The end results? He’s a corpse.

It really is a Tragedy since Makoto Itou rose to the top as a master of his own harem, but he loses it all, and (despite his attempts) there really is nobody to blame but himself. However, it’s not a Tragedy in the literal sense because I’m not sad that he died. Makoto Itou deserved every moment of his murder, and every subsequent moment burning in Hell.

And here’s where I stop setting the details and get to the point. You see, I took notes when I watched the anime, so I was able to remember a key moment in the eleventh episode that was an eye-opener for me. I was able to determine that there was another Tragedy in School Days, and it actually made me sad.

And that eye opening moment? This line from Kotonoha.

To set a bit of the context with this line. It’s during a scene where Kotonoha is sitting on a swing while talking to her phone, with the phone responding that she can’t reach Makoto’s number. It’s ultimately a sad and terrifying scene that shows how Kotonoha has gone insane in her attempts to believe that Makoto didn’t betray her for Sekai. But it’s also the moment that I realized where the real tragedy was.

You see, Kotonoha is well-aware that Makoto was cheating on her with Sekai, and she chose to blame Sekai for it, but here she is wanting Sekai back in her life. That’s when I realized how similar they both are, and where they went wrong.

Both of the female leads are insecure, mentally-damaged people who only want to be loved. Both of them also had their fulfillment right at the start of the show, before they end up losing it.

Kotonoha was able to feel like a better person because Sekai offered her friendship while also making sure that Kotonoha would hook up with Makoto. But when both of them betray her, Kotonoha goes crazy in her attempts to believe that she was never betrayed.

Meanwhile, Sekai is able to be the confident wingman(wingwoman?) at the start because she had Setsuna to look out for her, and when Setsuna moves away, Sekai shuts down until she latches onto a phantom pregnancy in the hopes that it’ll force Makoto back into her arms.

I think you already see where I’m going with this. The realization I had was that Sekai and Kotonoha never needed Makoto to be their boyfriend. They needed each other! Both of them understand that being alone sucks! And they both valued their friendship with each other until they tore it all apart in the name of Makoto “I can’t rot in Hell fast enough” Itou! And the reason I feel sorry for Kotonoha in her swing scene is because this is the closest Kotonoha came to that realization, and she still misses it!

Speaking as a biased asexual, I can tell you exactly why Kotonoha and Sekai never decided that their mutual emotional validation was worth more than a philandering psycho. The answer? Amatonormativity.

One of the things that sickens me nowadays is the idea that somehow getting into a relationship can automatically make you better. That’s an insult to the concept of character development, and the unique individual natures of the human race!

This is a lesson people need to learn fast. People aren’t better because they’re in relationships! You can’t “fix” your lover! And you can’t better yourself by getting a relationship! Maybe you can put the effort to change for the better because you value a relationship, but that’s more because of your efforts! RELATIONSHIPS DON’T FIX PEOPLE! PEOPLE FIX THEMSELVES!

That’s the lesson I try to take away from the depairfest hellscape that is the School Days anime. And the lack of that realization is the flaw that leads to Kotonoha and Sekai’s downfalls. The real tragedy isn’t that some philandering psycho got what was coming to him. The real tragedy is that two girls who could have been great friends tore each other apart for nothing.

[legends-of-time]

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 1: The Awakening

Masterlist

Well, she died.

Well, Amelia did not just simply die. She got stabbed in the back – literally – by her ex. She thought they had split amicably, but apparently not considering.

Amelia supposes her obsession with watching murder documentaries finally caught up with her. She can't help but wonder whether there will be one about her's.

But this story is not about her murder (though that could be an entirely different tale). No, it's about what happened afterwards.

Amelia never really thought about what would happen when she died. Wait, no that was a lie. She had wondered if she would be reincarnated she supposed or just simply go to some sort of afterlife. Or maybe she would wake up in the world of one of the very first Tv shows that she had got obsessed with.

Amelia genuinely did not think this would happen, fanfiction is just that! Fanfiction!

But hey ho here she is.

However, unlike most fanfiction where people wake up at the beginning of the first episode of the first series, Amelia wakes up while being birthed (took her a while to realise what the sensation was) years before the show began.

Yes she had been reborn as a baby but not only that, she still has her own mind, her own memories from her previous life. Amelia had died and then came back as a baby but has the mind of a 21 year old (so being breastfeed was a weird experience).

From what Amelia remembers is that everything went black then suddenly there is this force pushing her forward. Then she abruptly experiences a falling sensation before being caught by a pair of hands. It takes her a moment to realise that the crying noise she heard was actually herself.

She is being wrapped up in a blanket before being carried towards, what she realises, is a bowl of water as she is then being rubbed down. It takes Amelia a while but when she is able to, she opens her eyes. The first thing Amelia sees is a blurry face with long white hair staring at her.

"A healthy baby girl My Lady," He says. From the sound of his voice, she can tell that he is middle aged man.

"No," cries a female voice. "Do not show me her. It will only hurt me more!"

Amelia would've listened more but due to the fact that she had only just been born (she is still physically a baby), Amelia fell asleep again. She is only again woken by the feeling of being bounced up and down. Opening her eyes, she can see the same blurry figure as before she went to sleep above her. Amelia realises that they must be on top of a horse though she did not know what their destination is, she can tell that it is night time due to how dark everything is.

After a while, they slow to a stop and the man, with Amelia in his arms, gets off the horse before walking towards what she can see to be a Manor House. The man knocks on the door and waits till the door opens and a woman steps out of the house closing the door behind her.

"Is that her Gaius?" She whispers.

"Yes My Lady," Gaius responds. Gaius. Huh. That name is familiar.

Amelia then feels herself be moved from Gaius's arms to the lady's. She felt warm and comforting. Safe.

"Know one should know where she came from. She is George's and I's daughter now." Says the woman.

"Of course My Lady"

The woman then turns around and steps inside the house, closing the door behind her. Amelia cannot help but think: 'What the hell is going on?'

——

A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[charcubed]

When is the campaign against Big Skies?

https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/a34795822/big-sky-abc-controversy-backlash/

Wow, thanks for this info, Anon. I'd never heard of this show until this morning since people are now talking about Jensen Ackles being a guest star, so this is obviously all very new to me.

Let me put together a little post about this for people here and now.

Big Sky was and is criticized by Indigenous groups for its cultural insensitivity, because the inspiration for its plot is rooted in a largely-silenced epidemic against Indigenous women and girls specifically. However, the show whitewashes this rather than using it as a teachable moment. The concerns Indigenous groups sent to ABC were not sufficiently addressed.

Clickable link for the URL Anon sent above.

So, here's what Big Sky is about: it's "a series about private detectives Cassie Dewell and Cody Hoyt, who join forces with Cody's estranged wife and ex-cop, Jenny Hoyt, to search for two sisters who have been kidnapped by a truck driver on a remote highway in Montana."

In November 2020, even before the show aired, Indigenous groups and leaders spoke out against the premise of this show. Their overall critique is that the story erases the real-life tragedy of the Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women and Girls (MMIWG), who are disproportionately murdered and abducted, particularly in Montana. These Indigenous groups were also behind the documentary Somebody’s Daughter, which is specifically about this crisis.

Here's part of their initial open letter to ABC:

"We write with serious concerns of at best, cultural insensitivity, and at worst, appropriation, in respect to the soon- to-be premiered series, Big Sky. We understand that the plot of Big Sky is based on C. J. Box’s novel The Highway. Unfortunately, neither Big Sky nor The Highway address the fact that the disproportionate majority of missing and murdered women in Montana are Indigenous, a situation replicated across Indian Country, which has made this tragedy an existential threat to Native Americans. To ignore this fact, and to portray this devastation with a white female face, is the height of cultural insensitivity, made even more egregious given the national awakening to the need for racial justice."

Season one was filmed in Vancouver, in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, West Canada. (Later seasons have since been filmed in New Mexicon.) British Columbia is also the area where "the Highway of Tears" is located–as pointed out by Melissa Moses, a representative for the Union of British Columbia Indian Chiefs (UBCIC), in the article sent by Anon. Highway 16 is called as such because so many women and girls, most of whom are Indigenous, have been murdered or abducted from that stretch of road. The plot of Big Sky echoes this, but makes no sufficient mention of it either in the show or as a PSA connected to the show to use it as a teaching/awareness moment.

The subpar response in December 2020 from the producers in response to the open letter was as follows:

“After meaningful conversations with representatives of the Indigenous community, our eyes have been opened to the outsized number of Native American and Indigenous women who go missing and are murdered each year, a sad and shocking fact. We are grateful for this education and are working with Indigenous groups to help bring attention to this important issue."

However, Tom Rodgers, president of the Global Indigenous Council, stated that he knew of no Indigenous organization working with ABC to rectify the problems. “So we’re interested in learning who ABC is working with, since it is curious that no purported Indigenous partners are named in its statement. In our culture, trust can only be earned, not promised.”

An organized campaign was then mounted by Indigenous groups in early 2021 in regards to this show. Their demands sent to ABC:

“I’m not in the entertainment business. We are not asking them to cancel the show, to put people out of work, no. There is no client here but justice. We want them to tell the truth, not myth making but the true historically accurate Native American story,” Rogers said. The list of demands presented to Kelley, ABC and its parent company Disney include a credit line at the end of each episode so people can educate themselves on the issue. They are also asking for a healing fund for Native American families that have lost their daughters to sex trafficking, and that ABC broadcast “Somebody’s Daughter,” a documentary about murdered and missing Indigenous women and girls. They want ABC to produce a public service announcement on the issue, and a meaningful contribution toward the establishment of an advocacy fund for lobbying efforts.

These demands were not adequately addressed. Apparently ABC attempted to ~remedy~ this by asking "to verify accuracy in the show's depiction of a fictional version of their tribal office and an exterior military seal." One of the scenes took place in a fictitious version of the office of the Confederated Salish and Kootenai Tribes (CSKT).

The Tribes' response:

"This is not how you connect with a sovereign nation. You haven’t offered to share the script, and you have not hired any Native filmmakers. It seems the studio that brought us the animated Pocahontas will continue to tell American Indian stories without Indigenous writers or filmmakers... Shame on you for your unacceptable behavior."

Here is a good resource to quickly educate yourself on the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW) crisis.

I understand that everyone's excited to see Jensen in a new role, albeit a small one. But if you've not been watching this show previously, based on the sound of this, it's a good idea to not start watching and avoid getting invested so you avoid giving it excessive support. You can look up Jensen's clips if you're interested, enjoy the GIFs, or find an alternative way to watch that episode specifically without contributing to ABC's official streaming numbers, without using Big Sky's hashtags or key words on social media to increase their interest numbers, etc. Be cognizant of this, please.

Consider donating to the nonprofit organization Native Hope–even a very small amount–to help the Indigenous people this affects.

Please also share this post to spread awareness, especially if you're going to be talking about Jensen's scenes in this show.

Thank you so much Anon for bringing this to my attention! I’ve shared this on Twitter as well over at @CharCubed. Everyone feel free to share this post wherever.

All information and quotes in this post are taken from the articles linked throughout, so it should be pretty solid. But if I've misrepresented anything about this Indigenous issue or about Indigenous culture, someone please let me know.

[90363462]

Commentary

Kanye West's ‘Drink Champs’ episode failed us all

At this point, it’s time to turn off Ye’s mic

Last week, when SpringHill Company CEO Maverick Carter announced it would not air Kanye West’s appearance on The Shop due to his “hate speech,” it felt like a turning point in the rapper’s prolonged vile publicity run. Finally, outlets — namely, Black outlets — were pushing back and refusing to air West’s nonsense, even if it meant missing out on viral moments. That pivot, however, was short-lived.

Just a couple of days after The Shop interview got clipped, Drink Champs — the Revolt podcast where hosts Noreaga and DJ EFN interview musicians while drinking copious amounts of liquor — announced that West, who now goes by Ye, would be on the show. The resulting episode that aired Sunday was three hours of antisemitism, anti-Blackness, falsehoods about the murder of George Floyd while in police custody, and Jewish people in the music industry. The entire fiasco was a disgrace, and the worst moment in Drink Champs’ history. It was also a reminder that Black outlets have a responsibility to be better in how we treat the people who stand to suffer the most from Ye’s antics — and, yes, even how we treat Ye, by keeping his rhetoric off of these platforms. Especially if they’re going to go unchallenged in real time.

Related Story

‘Logged In’: Lil Nas X shocks Twitter, Kanye West’s White Lives Matter T-shirt, and Uno shenanigans

Drink Champs started as fun. It featured rapper Noreaga hanging out with his rap friends, drinking a whole lot and reminiscing about the good old days. As the platform grew, eventually landing at Sean “Diddy” Combs’ Revolt TV network, the show became a touchstone in pop culture, a must for any musician trying to gain support for a new project or get attention in general. But these stops, and the increased visibility of the show, put Noreaga in situations where he was simply in over his head.

For instance, when he encouraged former NBA champion Lamar Odom, who has struggled with addiction, to drink to the point of intoxication, it led to a misunderstanding that almost ended in a fight. A few months later, Noreaga held a conversation about Black Lives Matter in the midst of the protests that occurred in response to Floyd’s murder and had record executive Russell Simmons as a guest soon after a documentary about his sexual assault accusations had been released.

And then there were Ye’s appearances.

It’s been years since Ye wrapped himself in the Confederate flag (like he did in 2013), and began spouting things like “slavery was a choice.” So when Ye appeared on Drink Champs a year ago, it didn’t come as a surprise that he’d continue on that same path, insulting anyone and everyone close to him. But the Ye that appeared on Drink Champs on Sunday was even further gone than the one from last year. This Ye has become friends with conservative commentator Candace Owens, is trying to sell shirts that say “White Lives Matter,” has tweeted out “death con 3” for Jews, and targeted a Black female journalist because she criticized his antics.

Ye has also been open about his mental health struggles. This makes Drink Champs’ choice to give Ye alcohol, offer him a blunt (as Noreaga did), and allow him an open mic to continue his rants unchecked, even more irresponsible.

When Ye said that George Floyd died from a fentanyl overdose and not a result of the physical pressure applied to his neck by then-Minneapolis police officerDerek Chauvin, Noreaga and DJ EFN just nodded silently — much like they did last week when Boosie spread his anti-gay bias about needing to enforce “normal sex” on children so they don’t “get swayed the other way.” The hosts also never checked him for insinuating that fashion designer Virgil Abloh died from something other than cancer. And they allowed him to continue his antisemitism with lies that Jewish execs owned all of the record labels.

Noreaga called in to The Breakfast Club Monday morning to apologize for not checking Ye during his rant about Floyd, which only served to demonstrate how ill-equipped he was to handle such an interview. “I just wanna be honest, I support freedom of speech,” he said. “I support anybody, you know, not being censored. But I do not support anybody being hurt. I did not realize that the George Floyd statements on my show was so hurtful.

“You gotta realize, it was the first five minutes of the show,” Noreaga continued. “When he walked in, he told my producer, he said that if he stop filming, he’ll walk out.”

Refusing to refute Ye’s assertion about Floyd’s murder is even more of an indication that publicity and attention were more important to Noreaga than standing up to his friend. Noreaga also invoked friendship, particularly with Jewish people, to distance himself from Ye’s antisemitic remarks.

“I don’t support none of it,” he said. “I don’t support the George Floyd comments, the antisemitic comments. All I have is Jewish friends, all I have is Black friends. That’s it.”

Previously, Noreaga has hidden behind the idea that he’s not a real journalist, even though he’s declared himself to be one before. Even if Noreaga isn’t a journalist, he’s still a Black man and human being. And all it should take is a morsel of humanity to stop Ye while he’s yelling out hate speech. But the buck doesn’t stop with Noreaga and DJ EFN.

Related Story

‘White Lives Matter’ Kanye is a provocateur who dismisses Black pain

For the episode of Drink Champs to see the light of day, various people had to watch, approve and publish it. Revolt did run a story fact-checking Ye’s rant (though it contained its own inaccuracies), but it was taken down. It’s also telling that Combs, who is always front and center when it comes to hip-hop, has been silent on this issue, though he did call Ye out over the “White Lives Matter” shirts. There’s no excuse for any journalistic entity, let alone a Black-owned one, to allow three hours of unfettered anti-Blackness to air on its platform. There’s no merit to letting West unleash hell on marginalized people, beyond Revolt and Drink Champs getting more views and cashing out. But at what cost? Letting Ye spew his rhetoric does not only do a disservice to his Black fan base, it’s also grossly unfair to Ye himself with his history of mental health issues.

I reached out to Noreaga and Revolt for comment, but I have yet to hear back.

Some of West’s fans are still enamored with the old Ye who made classics and wasn’t an enemy of Black people. But this isn’t a blip on his publicity radar anymore. At the very least, we should understand the danger of allowing him to disseminate hate speech and stop airing it. Because all we’re doing is harming our audiences, our own credibility and West himself. All parties deserve better.

David Dennis Jr. is a senior writer at Andscape and an American Mosaic Journalism Prize recipient. His book, The Movement Made Us, will be released in 2022. David is a graduate of Davidson College.

[jamlavender]

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss: Mrs Coulter, misogyny and the His Dark Materials TV show

The show went hard on misogyny as a vital part of Mrs Coulter’s backstory, and I want to talk about how they did it, and why, and how it might have been done better. This is quite long (when is anything I write not, let’s be real) so it’s under the cut. Read on for thoughts on women, power and fictional villainy.

As a quick disclaimer, though: I’ve enjoyed the show a lot! I’m so glad they made it! Ruth Wilson is mesmerising as Mrs Coulter! There’s so much to appreciate about the show overall, including many aspects of Mrs Coulter’s portrayal. But the HDM team have also made gender politics and misogyny very explicit themes of the show – particularly season two, particularly season two, episode five – and I think it’s fair to critique that.

Let’s be clear: Mrs Coulter is a villain. She murders kids by tearing out their souls. She kills and tortures friends and foes alike without a second thought. She abuses her daughter. She upholds and advances a totalitarian regime. She’s a Bad Person, as confirmed by God himself with the unforgettable line: “You are a cesspit of moral filth.” She’s fucking terrible, but, in life as in art, many of us are fascinated by how such awful people are made. What drives someone to commit atrocities? I am keen to see such questions examined in fiction, because I don’t think exploring a character necessarily means excusing their actions, and because it’s interesting (I mean, of course I find her fascinating, I’ve written a novel’s worth of fic about her). However, after a few snarky comments (“What sort of woman raised Father Graves, do you think?”) and some subtler commentary on sexuality, gender and power (her unsettling MacPhail with the key in the bra in S1E2), S2E5 drew a weird line between sexism in Mrs Coulter’s professional and academic life and her vast and senseless institutionalised child murder, and the longer I’ve sat with that the more I’m like: what the fuck?

Look, Mrs Coulter doesn’t tear apart children to search for sin inside them and poison Boreal and break a witch’s fingers because she’s experienced sexism in the workplace and in her education. That’s… a very odd thing to imply. We have to remember that there are lots of women in Lyra’s world, all of whom will also have experienced sexism, misogyny and other forms of marginalisation (many in more expansive and pernicious ways than Mrs Coulter, who’s a woman, yes, but also white, wealthy, highly educated and very thin and beautiful), and none of them are running arctic torture stations. She will have experienced misogyny, absolutely, and that will have affected her in various ways that inform how she approaches her work, but to imply that being denied a doctorate is the reason she became a sadistic killer is frankly bizarre. Here are a few of the lines from that episode with my commentary:

“Do you know who I could have been in this world?” What does this mean? If she’d been roughly the same person in our world, the answer is: Margaret Thatcher, which is probably a step down for Marisa, all things considered, because the Magisterium is far more autocratic than any recent Tory government and would be a much easier institutional environment in which to enact her cruelty. What we’re supposed to think, clearly, is that she’d have been a different person: a scientist and a mother, and she’s had this realisation because she saw a woman with a baby and a laptop and had a three-minute conversation with Mary. This doesn’t make sense. We live in our world! It’s less repressive than Lyra’s world but it’s hardly a gender utopia. If Mrs Coulter had chosen the scientist-and-mother life (which, as I’ll revisit later, she could have done in her world but chose not to because of her megalomaniac tendencies), she’d still have been affected by misogyny here too. Our world is not kind to young mothers, nor young women embroiled in scandals, nor is the world teeming with female physicists. It might be a little better, sure, but it’s hardly as if those gendered challenges would have been solved.  

“What do you mean she runs a department?” This is just the show forgetting its own canon. Marisa, you ran a massive government organisation (the GOB), including a huge murder science research initiative in the Arctic. That’s a much bigger undertaking and much more impressive than running a university department in our world. Pull yourself together.

“But because I was a woman, I was denied a doctorate by the Magisterium.” This is the show flagrantly ignoring the source material to make a clumsy political point. In the books, there are women with doctorates (notably Hannah Relf, also a major player in the new Book of Dust trilogy) and at least one women’s college full of female scholars. Now, would that women’s college likely be underfunded and disrespected compared to the men’s colleges? Almost certainly. But saying that is different than saying “I couldn’t get my doctorate!” when women in Lyra’s world can. The show knew what point they wanted to make, and were willing to ignore canon to do so, which is frustrating. Also, given that there are female academics and scientists in Lyra’s world, and that Mrs Coulter is a member of St Sophia’s college, it’s clear that she could have lived that life if she so desired. But she didn’t want that, because being a scientist and academic at St Sophia’s imbues her with no real power, and that’s what she craves.

I’m not opposed, in theory, to exploring Mrs Coulter and misogyny in more depth, but I think doing so through an examination of the sexual politics of her life would have made a lot more narrative sense and been much more powerful. It’s better evidenced in the text – her using her sexuality to manipulate people and taking lovers for political sway is entirely canon, as is her backstory where genuine love and lust blew up her life – and it links much more closely with the most shocking of her villainy, which involves cutting out children’s dæmons to stop them developing “troublesome thoughts and feelings,” referencing sexual and romantic desire (and what Lyra and Will do to save Dust is clearly a big ‘fuck you’ to those aims). She even says this to MacPhail in TAS, “If you thought for one moment that I would release my daughter into the care - the care! - of a body of men with a feverish obsession with sexuality, men with dirty fingernails, reeking of ancient sweat, men whose furtive imaginations would crawl over her body like cockroaches - if you thought I would expose my child to that, my Lord President, you are more stupid than you take me for.” Don’t get me wrong, she’d have been a villain regardless, but I do believe that there’s a much stronger link between her sexual and romantic experiences and her murder work than between professional and academic stifling and child murder. It would have been a lot more interesting and a lot less tenuous.

However, the show is trying to be family-friendly, and digging into why this terrible, cruel woman might want to cut the ability for desire and love (and other non-sexual adult feelings, I’m sure) out of people could get dark. We know that the show doesn’t want to go there, because they’ve actively toned down her weaponising her sexuality: in the books, she has an established sexual relationship with Boreal, whereas the show made it seem like she’s been stringing him along all this time, and made it about potentially ‘sharing a life’ together rather than fucking, which was clearly the arrangement in the books. Also, I think Ruth Wilson said she and Ariyon Bakare filmed a “steamy scene” together, and given that only a single chaste kiss between them aired it must have been cut. I think they deliberately minimised the sexual elements of the text, particularly regarding Mrs Coulter (the mountain scene with Asriel, which I did still love, was also a lot less horny than in the book) and replaced that with another gender issue, that of professional sexism, as if the two are interchangeable, which they are not. This is a shame, both for Mrs Coulter’s character and also for the story as a whole, because the characters’ relationships with sex and desire are an important part of the books! (If this minimised sexuality approach means that they don’t use the TAS scene where Asriel threatens to gag her and she tries to goad him into doing it, I’ll scream). Overall, I think they missed the mark here, which is a shame because I also think it could have been done well, if they’d been bolder and darker and more thoughtful.

Why might this happen? Why might the show take this approach? Why might it be latched onto by viewers? Personally, I think the conversations we have about women and power are very simplistic, which leaves us in a tight spot when we see women seizing power for themselves (even in fiction) and weaponising that against others, not just other women but people of all genders, because we struggle to move past ‘women have overall been denied power, so them taking it ‘back’ is good,’ even if that immediately becomes a hot mess of white, corporate feminism and results in the ongoing oppression of many people. I think we are so hungry for representations of powerful women that we – producers and viewers alike – struggle to see them as bad, because it’s uncomfortable to be so intoxicated by Mrs Coulter effortlessly dominating the men around her, subverting systems designed to marginalise her for her own benefit, and generally being aggressive and intelligent and ruthless, and then realise that you are entranced by someone who is, objectively, a terrible, terrible person. It can be hard to realise that if you channelled the energy of someone who mesmerises you, you’d be the villain. So instead of sitting with that (more on this below), a lot of legwork goes into reworking her villainy into, somehow, a just act, a result of oppression, as her taking back power that has been denied to her, rather than grappling with the fact that for anyone to desire power in such a merciless way, even if they have to overcome marginalisation to get it, is really, really dangerous.

The joy, of course, is that Mrs Coulter is not real! She’s not real! Adoring fictional characters does not mean condoning their (imaginary) decisions, nor do stories exist for each person in them to fit neatly into a good or bad box so you know who you’re allowed to love. Furthermore, fiction can be a fabulous tool for exploring and interrogating the parts of yourself that, if left to bloom unexamined, might perpetuate beliefs or behaviour that cause harm to others. Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be a feminist or taking down the patriarchy or a righteous powerful woman to illuminate things about gender, power and feminism for those reading and watching. In fact, it’s important that we explore what happens when women (most commonly white, wealthy women, as she is) continue to perpetuate brutal systems under the guise of sticking it to ‘men,’ because it happens all the time in the real world, and it’s a serious issue. Finding characters like Mrs Coulter so cool and compelling doesn’t make you a bad person, but it might tell you something about yourself – not that you want to be a villain or kill kids or whatever, but something about how you relate to your gender or women or men or power – and that knowledge can be useful! We all have better and worse impulses, and finding art that helps us make sense of ourselves, both the good and bad parts, is a gift that we should relish.

Anyway, tl;dr, Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be sympathetic or understandable or redeemable to be brilliant – but you wouldn’t know that from how she’s been portrayed in the new adaptation.

[lesserfandomappreciation]

Is that Supa Strikers show really that great? Would I like it even if I don’t like soccer/football? (I’m asking because I’ve never seen it. In fact, your posts are the only reason I know it exists at all.)

Okay. Okay, okay I was going to work on requests during this meeting but then I saw this and I have many feelings on this show so you're getting an essay. Buckle up son. Brief History

For those not in the know, Supa Strikas is a series from South Africa that started as a futbol-themed comic in I want to say the early 2000s. It quickly gained popularity throughout most of Africa and today is published in Latin-America, South America, Africa, some parts of Europe and Asia.

Almost every continent has this comic. You cannot tell me that isn't cool and also very telling of how many people like this series.

Seeing the comic get so popular so fast, a TV show followed up in 2009 by the same name and is still going to this day. This series has been along longer than most presidential terms.

The show had a similar story with only slight character changes, and while the entirety of the 2021 season is already out, there are signs that they may be more coming out in 2022 so. Fingers crossed!

What is it about?

The story centers around Shakes, a young futbol player who has recently joined the Supa Strikas, a team based in an unspecified African country. The comic follows the team winning the Super League during different seasons, going around the world to find out new techniques, deal with teams that cheat and overcome their own inner problems as well.

The series differs from the comics in that we don't see Shakes' journey to becoming a Supa Strika and we don't get the official names for the characters either, only their nicknames. Wikipedia has their official names listed I think, but if anyone whose read the comics wishes to tell me, by all means do so.

It's a pretty straight forward storyline, with some good story consistency (characters who appear in one episode do show up again and are given consistent writing). Very episodic.

Why should I watch the series?

The series is fun. Sincerely, un-apologetically fun.

The main characters get good screen time and we get to see some fun, decently written personalities that act off each other well. The Supa Strikas is a team of himbos but different varieties of himbos and I love them for it. You do get the feeling that this is a group of people that cares for each other, not a group of characters just shoved together because the series said so.

The side-characters are also great. Some of them are a little one-note but many of them are just as crazy, if not more fun, than the main characters of the show. There's an American dude named Ninja whose entire gimmick is that he's a reality star fame-seeking dude straight out of Las Vegas and I love him. He's one of the tamer character concepts.

Coach. That is all.

There's a vast array of diverse representation. While the Supa Strikas team is the only team is they only team of mixed nationalities (South African, Jamaican, Brazilian, Spanish, etc) every team is representing a different country. There's a Brazilian Team, a Mexican Team, a Saudi Arabian Team and many others.

In connection - the Supa Strikas have players from around the world. Dancing Rasta is Jamaican, the captain of the team, an incredibly competent leader and very down-to-earth. You do have players that are a little stereotypical (North Shaw is an Australian who loves extreme sports, shocker) but are written in ways that you find yourself not minding.

It's funny. There's a lot of good moments both in writing and in the animation. As someone who got to study animation, I can say without a shadow of doubt that the team behind the character animations had no fear in pushing what they can do and making the characters feel fun.

Some of the stereotypes used in the show are used well and are written in a fairly respectful way. El Matador, a Spanish player, fills the stereotype of being a self-absorbed Spaniard. but he's also written to care for friends and to be very competent in other areas. Plus, there are other Spanish characters like Riano that are nothing like that and have distinctly different personalities. As a Spaniard, I found this to be a good writing choice. These jokes are seen less as insults and more like friendly barbs between most countries and it doesn't detract from the show.

The technology. It's a running gag that the tech used to train the guys is progressively more outrageous.

No forced romance storylines! There's no character moment where boy meets girl and then we're stuck watching this inevitable couple find reasons to not be a couple. It's nice to not have the forced hetero-normative relationships we see in a lot of other shows.

To that end, fantastic healthy male friendships! There's no "no homo" moment and the characters all have very good chemistry. Again, you feel like they're actually friends. They all have different dynamics too, so the friendships don't feel uniform and stale.

Good emotional moments.

Bromances for the win! Genuinely shocked there's not more fandom for it considering the sheer quantity of POSSIBILITIES of bromances and potential ships to work with.

It's 100% fine if you don't know anything about futbol. The show shows literally what matters, not every single little throw-in, and most times there's some world-breaking nonsense going on that distracts from that. There's literally an episode where the opposing team changes gravity on the the field to try and beat the Supa Strikas, the rules barely matter. I promise you, you don't need to know what "Offsides" means in order to watch.

The commentators. I love them both.

The episodes are varied in stories. There's ones about training, ones about exploring a different country, others where the opponents cheat, etc. There's an episode which is almost a murder mystery and I love it.

All the episodes can be found free online on Youtube on the official channel for the show. I love this creative team so much.

There's a lot of good writing choices!

What might I not like about the show?

Some people like episodic shows, some don't. For those in the latter category this may drive them away from Supa Strikas.

There's like. 4 female characters. I can see why they did that, but I can also see why that is upsetting (speaking as a woman who is very tired of the Smurfette principle). The humor may not be for everyone. That's more based on personality, because I think there's something for everyone, but there are jokes that I recognize fall quite flat.

In connection to that, the stereotypes. Like I mentioned earlier, the show utilizes and breaks some stereotypes very well. There's a character (Spenza) who is written to be the chubby comic relief that is also 9/10 times the guy who saves LITERALLY EVERYONE from trouble and gets recognized for it, for example. However, the entire Japanese team is a karate-based team with a Coach named Ura Giri who wears Chinese clothes despite being Japanese. The German team is just a military branch and, while funny, might be offensive depending on which German you ask. It can be detracting from the show.

There's some bad writing choices that can be rough, but they are episode centric.

What should I do?

Watch the show. Give it 2-3 episodes and if it doesn't grab you, okay! You tried! If it does, welcome! it's literally for free on youtube, Seasons 1 through the last number I can't remember. I watch it when I'm working on something because it's fun and gets me to laugh, you might watch it with a bowl of popcorn. Just do your own thing!

If you do like it though, come back, hit me up with talks and questions about it. Besides multydoodles I haven't found a lot of people who really are into it so come! Join us! One of us!

Hope this mini-essay helped out and that the show works out for you!

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Marvel What If’s Women Problem

Welcome back to the feminist rant!

I really didn’t intend to spend three weeks in a row writing about the Marvel animated series What If…? But I wanted to see this through.

Last week we talked about this show’s abundant use of the “fridged woman” trope. However, a show doesn’t need to kill its female characters in order to fail them.

Remember that time I made up a feminist movie test? I call it the “Want Test.” You can read the full explanation here, but here’s the summary:

This test requires that a film (or, in this case, an episode of a TV show) has at least one named female character. After watching the show, ask, “Does what the named female character want matter to the plot?” Then, score the movie based on the answer to this question.

If the answer is “Yes, what the named female character wants matters to the plot,” then give the movie a checkmark!”

If the answer is “Yes, AND this is true of multiple named female characters,” then the movie gets a check-plus. If these characters help each other get what they want, the movie gets a check-double-plus!

If the answer is “Yes, BUT her wants are an obstacle to a male character’s goal,” then the movie gets a check-minus. The woman may matter to the plot, but her importance is centered on her relationship to a male character and how much he matters to the plot. Often movies with a check-minus involve a male protagonist actively trying to stop a female character from getting what she wants; while she has an impact on the world around her, the movie isn’t rooting for the woman.

If the answer is “No, what she wants doesn’t matter,” then the movie fails the test. Give it a minus.

Okay, now let’s talk about Marvel What If. Once again, there are spoilers for the first seven episodes of this show below the cut, and some discussion of the plot points in the movies these episodes are based on.

When I compare the first seven episodes of What If to the Want Test, they each barely scrape their way to a check-minus (though after my rant last week, I’m tempted to edit my test so that a show that fridges a female character automatically fails). In summary, it does not matter what most of the named female characters want. Each episode has a single woman whose wants do affect the plot, but what she wants is always some kind of obstacle to a male character’s goal. Even when the women of What If survive the episode, the male characters’ feelings are the primary engine of the show.

As I neared the end of Episode Six, “What If… Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?” I said to myself, “Well, at least Pepper and Shuri aren’t dead.” But then, in the last minute of the episode, Shuri and Pepper meet and state their intent to take down Killmonger. And I said to myself, “Okay, so why didn’t we get THAT episode?”

Sure, it’s cool to see two smart girls teaming up, but they don’t get to do anything! This episode repeatedly puts Pepper and Shuri down. Every time they express suspicion of Killmonger, someone contradicts them. What they want does not matter. They are obstacles to the men, and they are easily pushed aside, and so all they can do is stand in the background and watch while the boys run around and play war games.

If your named female characters only matter in the last scene of the show, then they don’t really matter. This episode wasn’t about the women at all. It was about the men killing each other and making each other sad.

*

I really don’t want to say much about the seventh episode, “What If… Thor Were an Only Child?”

What I will say is, “Why, why, WHY is Dr. Jane Foster more concerned about hurting the hot guy’s feelings than she is about how the hot guy is about to cause the end of the world?”

And I will also say, “Why does Captain Marvel need to be nice to Thor at the end of the episode after he spent the entire episode being a jackass to her?”

And I will end this section of the blog post by saying, “Frigga deserves so much better than any man in her family has ever given her.”

*

The second episode of this show, “What If… T’Challa Became a Star-Lord?” might be my favorite episode. Mainly because it’s the only one I genuinely liked while I was watching it. It was fun, and I was happy to hear Chadwick Boseman’s voice one more time. Overall, it’s a lovely tribute to both the actor and his character.

But, for me, liking this episode required ignoring a big problem: Nebula and Thanos’s relationship.

We don’t know exactly when in this timeline T’Challa met Thanos and convinced him to give up on the “murder half the universe” plan. But we do know that even before Thanos collected the Infinity Stones, he was roaming the universe slaughtering millions. We know he committed genocide against Gamora’s people the day he “adopted” her, and it’s safe to assume he did the same to Nebula’s. We know that he raised Gamora and Nebula to fight each other, and every time Nebula lost a fight, he replaced a part of her body with cybernetics, constantly torturing her.

What If never tells us that that Thanos did not abuse his daughters. It never tells us that he did not slaughter millions, including his daughters’ birth families. But it does tell us that Thanos is Nebula’s father. And he wouldn’t be her father if he hadn’t been roaming the universe killing people.

In this episode, we see an adult Nebula who seems to think her dad is annoying, but any feelings she might have about how genuinely terrible he is – feelings she was freely willing to admit in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies – go completely unmentioned.

Thanos and Nebula’s relationship is played for laughs, like they just need to get over their past and hug it out. That bothers me a lot. It’s like the show is saying that Nebula’s pain doesn’t matter. What matters is that Thanos is sad she doesn’t want to hang out with him.

I should also point out that in Avengers: Infinity War, Gamora gets fridged. Her feelings are unimportant to the plot; her stated desire to die before she can be used as a part of Thanos’s plot is mocked and discarded. When she is murdered, the moment of her death is all about how it would hurt Thanos to kill her. Gamora’s death also serves as motivation for Peter Quill to sabotage the other heroes’ efforts to stop Thanos.

Gamora is nowhere to be seen in this episode of What If. The women that Thanos abused really don’t matter here at all.

*

I’ve been putting off talking about this show’s pilot episode, “What If… Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?” This episode was… You know, it was fun, in a very similar way to how the Star Lord T’Challa episode was fun. I can’t lie and say I didn’t like seeing super buff Peggy Carter beat the crap out of Nazis. That was a lot of fun.

But the thing I couldn’t stop thinking while watching was, “This isn’t Peggy’s story. It’s Steve’s!”

Peggy Carter may have gotten the super serum in this reality, but Steve Rogers is still the main driving force of the plot. Peggy goes to Germany to save Steve’s best friend. She works with Steve’s allies, the Howling Commandoes, instead of finding her own. Steve’s issues and emotions are central to everything Peggy does; she may say in dialogue that she wants to end the war, but what we see is that Steve is her motivation. In fact, he’s everyone’s motivation – in the scene where Peggy, Bucky, Howard, and the Howling Commandoes decide to go take down Red Skull, they all go around the table and say that they’re doing it “for Steve.” Not because ending the war is the right thing to do, not because they care about the millions of people murdered and tortured by the Nazis – but because they care about Steve.

When I first heard about this show, I thought that Steve was going to die, and that would be why Captain Carter would exist. The interesting/ironic thing here is that the episode pokes at the idea of fridging Steve, but it doesn’t quite have the guts to go through with it. Everyone thinks that Steve died on the train, but then they find him in Red Skull’s castle, and he’s totally fine! Killing off Captain America would have been an interesting, powerful new direction to take the story. But this episode doesn’t seem interested in taking new directions. It seems more interested in showing how things would stay the same even if Steve didn’t get the serum, even if Peggy switched careers from secret agent to superhero, even if Bucky never became the Winter Soldier, even if Red Skull decided to open a portal to tentacle hell. Things just stay the same.

And I don’t get the point of presenting us with a show where there are “endless possibilities” if things are just going to stay the same. If Peggy Carter will still be a side character in Steve Roger’s story. If Hank Pym’s grief still matters more than Janet and Hope Van Dyne’s lives. If Thanos will still never be held accountable for abusing Gamora and Nebula. If Doctor Strange is still an arrogant jackass. If the only realities we see are ones where men get to act and feel, and women get to be plot devices.

The truth is that the Watcher just isn’t interested in showing us realities where women live and thrive in their own right. For all its emphasis on how different decisions can cause dramatic changes to reality, the creators of What If have no real investment in making different decisions in how they portray female characters. It’s just more of the same.

I’m done thinking about this show. Let’s talk about something else next week, okay?

Be good to yourself, be kind to each other, and you’ll hear from me again soon!

[aloneeedra]

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (2018)

Where to watch it: VIKI (free with Ads)

Episodes: 16

Summary: How do I summarize this without spoiling it? Basically, the main lead can't feel things or something and he starts hooking up with the rich girl who happens to be best friends with the female lead. (Wild). The female lead has an older brother who is kind of a cop and is kind of investigating a murder case. As the main leads start getting closer, the brother starts to suspect that the first male lead is involved with the murder case. Then about a little more than halfway through the drama, this plotline is thrown into a volcano with all good characters, and the last few episodes involve the same flashback being shown again and again and again and again until finally, it ends.

Rating: 6/10

Best Part: Let's do the Worst Part first. Spoilers.

Worst Part: okay so basically after the original plot burst into flames, they catch the murder and the best friend ends up dying. She dies in a car crash that was caused by her ex-boyfriend while the main lead guy is in the seat next to her. He's involved in the car accident but then goes missing for a couple of days while he gets taken to like a secret hospital and when he leaves the hospital the brother confronts him and the main guy is like 'I would do it all again even though I know that the best friend would die' (Because the main male technically causes the accident to happen by trying to win over the ex-boyfriend. You would think this would be important enough for me to explain it more, but it really doesn't matter whether you know or not because, again, it's thrown into a volcano and forgotten) and so the brother goes to the main female lead and is like 'this guy [the main male lead] is insane, stay away from him and so, of course, the main girl lead confronts the main male lead too and while confronting him she reveals that while her best friend was in the hospital, literally on her death bed, she was worried about him (cause, you know, he was taken to the secret hospital and was 'missing'). So that was the moment I was like 'whatnow' and it only got worse from there. After the main female lead confessed her feelings to the guy responsible for the death of her only friend, she breaks up with the second romance male lead (honestly this guy deserves so much better) and then goes back to the main male lead and like wants to date him now and he's like idk but he also likes her and she's like 'i can fix you' and that's when I paused it and started to laugh. This was made in 2018. I thought we were past romanticizing this abusive shit. ANyways. So then they start dating but 'shhh' it's a secret from the older brother. Until it's not and the older brother (who I thought was pretty chill up to this point) finds out and stabs the main male, but the main male doesn't report him and instead goes to this doctor that he knows and then that's when the drama starts to focus on the same flashback for like six episodes and it starts to hint that maybe the main male and female are actually long lost siblings (which of course is connected to that one flashback) and Ummm... I already didn't like this couple. It was already cringe that it was wayyyy too easy for the main girl to just forget her friend. I also didn't think the leads had good chemistry (though the kisses are nice, I must admit). Not to mention the two leads both don't have friends which harm them as characters in my opinion because we only get to see them when they are together or when they are talking to the brother. Doing this is kind of like sucking the life out of the drama. We're not really 'a part' of their lives at this point- like we aren't pulled into their world, we're just watching them. ANyways we don't find out until the very end if they are or aren't siblings, but by that point, it doesn't matter, I'm too grossed out already. And the ending, in my opinion, was unnecessary. It does nothing. So. Those are the worst parts. No friends. Might be siblings. Bad brother. Shit relationships. Bad ending. The last half of the drama is the worst part.

In the comments on VIKI (which if you do end up watching this drama, I highly recommend you put them on) a lot of people were saying that this was their favorite drama. Which, each to their own I guess, but personally, I can say with the most confidence that this is not my favorite drama.

Best Part: I finished it so obviously it isn't too bad. Not too long ago I watched the drama Save Me (2017) and I liked it and Woo Do-hwan so much that I decided to watch another drama where Woo Do-hwan starred in, Tempted (2017), and I hated it. I couldn't finish it and I didn't make it very far either, so I didn't make a review on it since I didn't think it was fair reviewing something I couldn't finish. Watching it felt a lot like watching reality tv for me, where my brain just becomes this mess and feels a lot like it's rotting or something. Idk, I just couldn't do it. (Though, I think it should also be mention that I do not like Cruel Intentions (which is another remake made in America based on the same story that Tempted was based on. So it could be that I just didn't like the story at all.). Anyways, The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (2018) has the edginess that I feel Tempted was trying to capture but failed to do so. So kudos to them for that.

Do I Recommend it: no. Now if you like Tempted (2017) I think you'll like this. So watch it if that's the case. However, I do not think this drama has anything good to say or even has anything to say at all. It has no point and tbh I don't even consider it a thriller. I don't recommend it.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 10 Thanksgiving Episodes

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! Time to eat a ton, pass out, and watch MST3K and all that. And since I already covered most of the general stuff about how diffrent this holiday is in my Loud House Review, and to reitarate to anyone having a big, 20 or so people crammed in a room thanksgiving this year

For the rest of us like all of the big three of Holidays, thanksgivings also the time for some classic episodes of television. Granted most shows stick to one, with some exceptions like friends, roseanne and new girl, but most make their one count. Thanksgiving may not be as big as the holidays it’s sandwitched in between, to the point christmas is slowly but surely trying to swallow it whole, but it’s still a time for family, fighting, and food that brings plenty of opprotunity for greatness and even with a smaller pool, I stiill had signifigant trouble narrowing down my list to 10. But I stand by what I got it wittled down to. This is my top 10 thanksgiving episodes! And for my regular readers, there’s a suprising lack of animation but i’m more than willing ot go outside that and now’s the right time, asi’m currently having a black friday sale with reviews marked down by two bucks to just 3 dollars for an episode of any tv show. Yes it’s a shameless plug but since when have I ever had shame? So with that in mind let’s chow down, it’s my top 10 thanksgiving episodes!

10. Pangs (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Buffy is as a show I REALLY need to revisit. While lately, what with the abuse he did that we can’t get details on when making justice league or his you know cheating on his wife on and off over a decade, I’m not at all a fan of series creator Joss Whedon, Buffy itself is still a classic in my eyes. 

The tale of a teenager given the role of the Slayer, a chosen female asskicker given moderate super powers and the duty to defend the world from vampires and other ghouls. The show dealt with the usual teen superhero stuff, ballancing asskicking with saving the world and arguably codified the genre, to the point I hold it at least partially responsible for the bigger wave of teen heroes in the 2000′s in animation and comics. The show had smart dialouge, metaphors, mythology and a rich, and vibrant cast. Sure some things haven’t aged well like an adult vampire dating a teenager or the really dated ways Willow’s sexuality were handled, as groundbreaking as it was, from barely letting her kiss her girlfriend or be shown being intimate iwth her, or just entirley shutting out the posiblity she’s bisexual. But a few age wrinkles aside the show is still good and I still need to rewatch it and that includes our number 10 pangs, one of hte most memorable and well done thanksgiving specials and one fo the shows more comedy moments.  It’s thanksgiving, and Buffys mom’s going out of town, so she decides to hold thanksgiving at Giles place to bring her slowly drifting surrogate family together. Naturally given the way things usually go for our Slayer, she has a hard time of it as Willow chafes at celebrating colonolsim, Giles dosen’t get what the big fuss is about that or the meal being british, and Spike shows up looking for protection from season big bads the initiative, a secret military unit that’s chipped him so he can’t harm humans, so he has no way to eat and spends the mal tied to a chair. Oh and of course, a vengeful native american spriti from the chumash tribe has given Xander syphilis and killed a currator as revenge for his people’s suffering, so now Buffy has to fight a ghost bear if she want sa happy thanksgiving. Also Angel is back in town and being kind of a dick, but hey it leads to a good episode of his spinoff so whatever. 

Pangs is just a fun episode, not only does it do well by not ignoring american colonalisim, but it just has a fun energy to it as Buffy desperately tries to have a good thanksgiving, Spike instnatly proves his worth as an addition to the gang both chemstiry and comedy wise, and we of course get this classic moment. 

It had to fight it’s way onto the list, but pangs is a holiday dish worthy of sinking your fangs into. 

9. The Dressing (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Speaking of nutty fun thanksgiving episodes.. this one is simply that. I love Aqua Teen Hunger force.. even if like a lot of comedy shows it drooped in later seasons, it still has it’s classics earlier on and even later on has a few gems. But on the earlier on side we have their utterly bonkers and delightful thanksgiving episode “The Dressing”, a sequel to the Christmas Episode “The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from The Future”, which itself is an utter classic, but we’ll possibly get to that in december’s list. 

The Aqua Teens are having Thanksgiving with Carl, whose naturally onlyt here for the free food and staying outside. it’s also days before or after, with black colored frito pie,a t urkey, and whatever else their broke selves could scrounge up.  However, naturally, like Buffy a normal day for the Aqua Teens just isn’t complete without some weird shit happening, thanksgiving gets interrupted by the cybernetic ghost of Christmas past fromt he future, whose transformed himself into a turkey and wants to save their turkey so it can lead a rebellion in the bizzare hilarious distopian hellscape he comes from. This of course leads to him getting drunk, eating all their food and later showing up with a laser sock to murder carl after the episodes over. It’s just a fun time, a really funny episode and one of the teens more memorable outings. Not a lot to say here, it’s just really damn funny. 

8. Arnold’s Thanksgiving (Hey Arnold!)  Anoter classic I really need to revist but that more than earns his place here. Hey Arnold.. is easily one of the best animated shows ever. I say that with no hyperbole as it handled slice of life well while still getting dramatic when needed to, and is easily the gold standard for slice of life children’s cartoons to this day. And naturally it’s holiday specials were great, and I only r eally haven’t revisited them because they also hurt.. a lot. So unsuprisingly this one makes the list. 

IT’s thanksgiving and given how chaotic things are for both Arnold and Helga’s families, our heroes are miserable. Arnold would understandably like just once to have thanksgiving on thanksgiving, his family instead doing fourth of july due to his grandmother being who she is. And Helga naturally is ignored and mistrteated as usual since her sisters home and her dad and alchoholic mother ignore her as usual even when she’s not around. What i’m saying is while Arnold’s issue is understandable, helga always wins a “whose got the shitter life” contest. 

So the two flee to their teacher Mr Simmons, a character I genuinely loved and loved even more finding out he was gay as an adult, as he was a kind , supportive teacher who could be a bit softhearted but wasn’t afraid to step the fuck up when needed. But they find his thanksgiving isn’t much better, as his Mother and wont’ stop sniping at his boyfriend peter and clearly isn’t entirely comfortable with her son’s sexuality, his friend keeps snapping at peter and mooching off him, and his uncle.. well he’s just a loud asshole who wants turkey.. The kids naturally realize the meaning of the holiday, reconclie with their families who DID take genuine steps to make up for them being gone and missed them, all is well. It just shows nobody’s family is perfect, and is well done in that but also shows why thanksgiving has grown beyond it’s roots: It’s a day for families to get together and even if they may fight, recognize why they love one another. I also give the show balls for heavily imiplying a character is gay and not slapping a girlfriend on him or any of the usual bollocks: Simmons just very clearly is gay and it’s as transparent as the show could get at the time, with the show making it crystal clear years later with the revivial movie. Nice. We’ll have more servings of thanksgiving classics after the cut. 

7. Slapsgiving (How I Met Your Mother) Oh How I Met Your Mother. You started out really good but boy did that go downhill fast and land in a nuclear inferno didn’t it? But I can bitch about the How I Met Your Mother Ending some other time, and probably will. In the show’s prime before they decided to stick with an ending no one wanted anymore, it was pretty great and while season 1′s also impressive Thanksgiving outing “Belly Full of Turkey” was considered, there was ultimately one slaptastic king when it came to Thanksgiving: Slapsgiving. 

Naturally for this show Slapsgiving ties into the show’s suprisngly deep and rich lore: The season before this, Marshall and Barney made a “Slap Bet”, which is exactly what it says on the tin: A bet where the winner slaps the looser. And due to Barney prematurely slapping Marshall, Marshall got 5 penalty slaps to be dolled out whenever, one in that episode and another in a coda to another. For his next one though Marshall decided to outdo himself and set up a counter.. and it all comes down to thanskgiving.  So we get a good ten minutes of Jason Siegel making meancing slap based refrences while NPH’s barney cowers in fear before Marshall’s wife lily pumps the breaks on the bet as comissoner.. only to reconsider when Barney makes the mistake of tormenting Marshall over it, resuling in the inevitible, and in THE thanksgiving song. 

Basically it’s what happen when you give three really funny people a subplot together. Magic happens. The subplot is not bad either as a pre-totallyinsufferabledouchebag Ted hooks up with Robin again over lingering feelings and thanksgiving prep and the two have to deal with that... though it’s mostly funny for Robin’s new boyfriend, who Future Ted acknowledges is barely older than them, but admits to remembering as decrept old man, which results in a  30 something’s dialouge coming out of a very old man and me laughing very hard. A simple joke but one that really works. Overall a slaptacular good time. 

6. Two Turkeys (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

NINE NINE BITCHES! I’m honestly shocked I haven’t talked about Brooklyn Nine Nine on here already, but it’s easily one of the best sitcoms in recent memory, if not of all time. It has one of the best ensemble casts, great jokes and timing, yet still ballances things out with a sense of realisim beneath the madness> It’s also noticable for holding it’s officers more accountable than most real world police departments, to the point all scripts that were written up for next season were thrown out post George Floyd. It’s truly a joy to watch. 

So naturally they’ve had their share of Holiday episodes, with them easily having the best crop of halloween episodes since roseanne with their annual heists, and having some pretty damn memorable christmases, opening with this:

So naturally thanksgiving is no exception, with it’s last two being the best and it being a really hard choice wether to go with season 4′s “Detective Santiago” or this one. But as good as the other ep was.. this one inched it out for good reason. 

The episode’s split into two equally good, equally hilarious plot lines. In the B-Plot, the 99′s Captain Raymond Holt, one of the best characters in sitcom history and gay icon, and his husband Kevin take their annual trip to get a pie for Holt’s families thanksgiving and come back with the well crafted pie, even if both prefer their food nice and bland. But the pie go missing and Captain Holt procedes to hilariously drill into each of the other members of the 99 and uncovering holes int their previous thanksgving stories with Rosa’s being suprisingly heartwarming (She’s going to a humilating minons on ice show with her family because they reconnected in jail.. setting up the equally awesome “Game Night” episode where she comes out.) and Boyle’s being utterly pathetic as you’d expect (Cooking his son mac and cheese because he’ll eat nothing else and declaring him a “basic bitch”). The solution however ends up being heartwarming as the culprit is actually Kevin, who hated the pie.. as did Raymond who suggests just taking the drive anyway because they enjoy the silent ride there and back every year. It may be boring to us.. but it’s preicious and really sweet all the same.. as it is hilarous when Kevin treats this as a big endugence and seems turned on by that. What i’m saying is these men are couple goals and Marc Evan Jakcson was awesome long before ducktlaes.  The main plot is also great, as Jake and Amy, now engaged after this year’s halloween episode which is also , coincidentally, the series best, try to unite their families. It just goes about as well as you’d expect as Amy’s are type a control freaks, jake’s mom is a retired hippie school teacher and his dad is a human disaster area who has to be told to put on pants, cheated on his mom constantly, somehow got her back, and in general is barely functional on a good day. The families do bond breifly but things ineveitbly break down, hilarity and severed limbs insue and family comes together. IT’s just a funny, well done 20  mintues that’s also really damn sweet, with this plot ending with Amy’s dad accepting the chaos as that’s’ts what you do with family. Also jake naturally finds out he has a ton of step siblings as his dad was and still is a man whore. Happy Thanksgiving!

5. Bart Vs Thanksgiving (The SImpsons)

Let’s face it: if you follow my reviews at all you knew this was coming. While not one I go back to due to being an emotional kidney punch, i’d be doing this list a diservice if this classic wasn’t on there.  In a nutshell, Bart starts a petty fight with Lisa over her centerpiece that ends with it in the fireplace, Bart sent to his room till he apologizes, and Bart seething insiting he did no wrong. It takes a visit to the homeless shelter after running away, and ending up on the news, to realize what an ass he’s been and one nightmarish dream sequence later, seriously why do you think I don’t revisit this one that often? This thing has traumatized me since I was a kid and unlike the slap song I will not be showing it to you, has a heartwarming reconcliation with his sister on the roof. It’s just a nice, sweet special that gets the holiday just right and i’d expect nothing less from Golden Age Simpsons.  

4. A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving (Gilmore Girls) Another show I need to talk about more, Gilmore Girls is fucking awesome. The story of a woman who ran away pregnant at age 16 and built her own life for her daughter in the quirky town of stars hollow who finds herself reconnecting with her parents in present day against her will.. is really good stuff. Funny, heartfelt and really damn well acted with one hell of a cast, the show is part of me and I make no bones about that, so it’s big thanksgiving outing naturally belongs on here.  The premise is simple: Rory and Loreli end up having to go to four diffrent thanksgivings, which even for big eaters like them is a massive task, each unique and entertaining. The main event of course is Suki’s, where everyone’s faviorite chef agreed to let her husband cook the turkey.. of course with the plan to sneak in mid cooking and add her own touches. This gets foiled when Jackson and his family decide to deep fry the thing.. probably in part because Jackson knows his wife well and knows what she was planning. Though over the night while our heroines are at their other meals, it devolves into them deepfrying everything they can get their hand son including a shoe, and Suki getting plastered to tolerate it.  While not topping it the other meals and the sheer lunacy of four thanksigvings in one day, are still memorable: There’s the natural posh one at Richards and Emilys, the dour joyless one at The Kims where Mrs Kim forces the band to play the whole time and forces our heroines to eat food as joyless as Mrs. Kim, and Lukes for a nice round of Rory grappling with having PDA with her boyfirend Jess before resolving it at the end. Also dean’s a jackass. No one is suprised. Jess isn’t one at this stage in his character which is. Also Kirk adopts a cat that slowly pushes him out of his own house which works comedically becaus Sean Gunn is a national treasure. Overall a really good episode and if you have netflix and haven’t checked the series out, this is a good one to try out. 

3. The Thanksgiving Special (Regular Show) I already talked about this one in my top 11 Regular Show episodes so i’ll try to be brief. In a nutshell Mordecai and Rigby destroy thanksgiving and genuinelly feeling bad about it, scramble to win a thanksgiving bird from a Thanksgiving Song Contest, going up against an all star super group comissioned by Donald Trump. Yes really. Meanwhile Muscle Man and High Five Ghost go to get sides and the  rest of the park staff’s attemtps to get a turkey are thwarted by a bunch of thanksgiving reinactors who go unexplained in any way shape or form which given how rare that is for regular show, which usually has some sort of explination for the madness, just makes it funnier. It ends with a REALLY touching song, a fight on a blimp with outgoing president trump, and a truly heartwarming thanksgiving meal. All in all a nice special that combines the shows madcap nature with the genuine warm fuzzies of thanksgiving. 

2. We Gather Together (Roseanne) Another series I need to talk about more.. and another series where one of the creators has turned out to be a terrible human being. Seriously Roseanne Barr is is a terible person, she deserved to be removed from her show, and while the Conner’s isn’t GREAT it’s still FAR better without her. That being said I will still stick up for the original as she wasn’t the only one involved (indeed the aformentioned Joss Whedon worked on the show breifly and Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman Paladino not only worked there but later adapted one of Roseanne’s insane antics, making all the writers wear caps with a number instead of referring to them by name , to Gilmore Girls.). Her being a bad person even then dosen’t change the fact that the show is sitcom gold, one of my faviorite shows, and a true classic. And this episode helps showcase WHY. 

What makes this episode special, even among Roseanne episodes is it’s structure: While there are things going on it’s mostly a free floating day in the Families life and thus feels like your there with them through thanksgiving. It feels genuine, like past thanksgivings i’ve remembered: Everyone has their own stuff going on, they all eat, and there’s naturally a big blowup.. and one that eveyrone else ignores to eat which I can relate  to. That authenticity really elevates the episode and is why I seek it out every year. 

That’s not to say nothing happens, it just flows in and out like it would in a normal thanksgiving. Roseanne deals with her parents, a pre-abuser version of her dad and her overbearing nightmare of a mother beverly, and the inevetible blow up when Bev’s needling about Jackie’s life goes too far , prompting Jackie to reveal her new job as a police officer before bursting into tears, all to Roseanne’s annoyance. Rosie also moves them to a hotel despite an attempted guilt trip from her mom. 

Speaking of Mom’s we see Dan’s for the only time before the later seasons and the utterly terrible last season, a professional career woman whose moved on well from her ex and brought her new boyfriend there. Ed, despite some comptemplation over it is firmly accepting and instead starts flirting with the Conner’s friend Crystal. Dan, being overprotective because of his Daddy Issues, but ed cals him out on it “Being lonely is a hell of a lot for two people to have in common, you woudln’t knwo anything abotu that son, and I pray to god you never do” A great caper to a fantastic episode.. one I thought was going to top the list... THOUGHT is the key word here...

1. Turkey in A Can (Bob’s Burgers) This one is. Bob’s Burgers is one of the best things to come out of the 2010′s and i’ve fallen way too far behind on it, so I can’t say if any thanksgivings after thankshoarding top this one.. what I can say is this one is the gold standard for thanksgiving episodes, and is filled with great stuffing. 

Thanksgiving is Bob’s holiday. Being a chef he loves the chance to go all out, and really flex his muscles for his families when it comes to cooking up a storm, and it’s endearing when bob gets just as nuts as his family. But this year someone keeps flushing his turkeys down the toilet despite his best efforts, so while Louise hilariously tries to solve things to proe it wasn’t her (though it’s entirely fair they thought it was her consdering.. everything), while LInda, Gene and LInda’s flighty sister Gale try to write THE thanksgiving song. And while it’s no you just got slapped, damn if they didn’t succeed. 

Sailors in your mouth indeed. It leads to plenty of great jokes the best being the guy at the Deli Counter thinking Bob’s into him and bob not being sure how to respond, but being mildly recpetive. But the climax is what makes the episode as when Bob falls asleep we find his medication has been making him sleepwalk.. and thus put the turkey s int he toilet, as Tina’s desire to be at the Grown Up Table, itslef a REALLY funny runner as you’d expect, has him panicking internally and thus reliving her potty training. The episode ends with Bob letting her come to the adults table, and a rather heartwarming thanksgiving feast. All in all an excellent episode. It also leads to the chaos seen above whic hif htat’s not thanksgiving, I don’t know what is. 

Have a happy thanksgiving and check out my black friday sale! Until then there’s always another rainbow!

[lionheart49er]

My Thoughts on The Boys Season 2 Finale

*This Post Contains Spoilers for “The Boys” Season 2 Finale*

First off, before I get into spoilers, I just want to saw how much I love what “The Boys” have been doing. I loved Season 1 and I feel Season 2 is just as fun and crazy with more in-depth social commentary, especially with the character of Stormfront and her satirizing of alt-right conservative media. Overall, I love how the show combines dark humor with poignant satire of superhero media, celebrity culture, and large corporate conglomerates. And in many ways, the finale was just as good.

The show takes its imperfect social material and elevates it. Turning the macho grim-dark superhero parody that only barely deconstructs superheroes and never deconstructs the just-as-toxic macho characters like Billy Butcher into a show that is just as willing to deconstruct Billy’s toxic masculinity as Homelander’s fascist superhero antics. I think the show does a good handling these serious topics with sprinkles of anti-capitalist ideology. And yeah, the irony of an show with anti-capitalist themes being streamed on Amazon Prime does not escape me. 

However, I read The AV Club’s review of the finale and it raised some points that I simply did not agree with. And I’m going to argue them here. 

The AV Club had a big issue with the reveal that Victoria Neuman was the head-exploder who was working for Vought. They came out with it the belief that this was somehow the show attacking “both-sides” and conflating progressive politicians like AOC with literal nazis. To be frank, I am just not agree with this take. 

First off, I don’t the show did a good job showing how wrong Nazism and fascism is through the characters of Homelander and especially Stormfront. In particular, Stormfront was a character I was initially worried about. There is a risk in portraying Nazi characters where they came off as likable enough to where they can appeal directly to white supremacist and real-life Nazis. And Stormfront’s goofy portrayal as a Tiktok-using millenial-type was certainly running that risk initially. But the show cleverly pulled the covers to show the dangerous ideology that was powering the seemingly innocent meme-exploiting superhero to show how real-life white supremacists and alt-right groups use playful memes and social media to spread hateful ideology. And the show never condones Stormfront’s hateful ideology and always portrays her as in the wrong. Hell, even Homelander is weirded out by her blatantly racist beliefs. 

I say all of this to show how Stormfront is portrayed in the show is way different from how Neuman is and probably will be portrayed. Obviously the fact she is based on progressive  AOC and Iihan Omar, so we immediately are on her side, especially when it comes to the matter of regulating superheroes since we’ve seen how messed-up superheroes like Homelander and A-Train abuse their powers without consequence. Then, it comes the twist that Neuman was secretly working with Vought the whole time. Now, the AV Club believes this means that Neuman is going to be presented as just as bad as Stormfront. Which I simply don’t agree. I don’t see this as the show implying that progressive politicians are worse or even just as bad as Nazis. And I believe the reveal makes sense when looking at Vought and how Stan Edgar runs his business.

I think the reason why Neuman works for Vought is explained in the dining scene between Billy Butcher and Stan Edgar. In that scene, Stan explains why he is willing to work with an awful white-supremacist like Stormfront. Obviously, Stan Edgar as a black man hates the living hell out of her but the man is business-minded as hell. He sees how useful Stormfront is in causing divisions in society. And those kind of divisions are profitable as hell as we know in real-life how much media can prey on said divisions. Even though Stan personally hates Stormfront’s blatant racism, he is willing to tolerate it because her endeavors ends up aligning directly with Vought’s goals to simply make as much money as possible. The scene really shows Edgar’s thinking and reasoning when it comes to how he runs Vought. And it’s a great scene in general especially when Edgar calls out Butcher for his own white privilege. But this scene also shows why Edgar would want someone like Neuman on his side.

The fact is we don’t know yet how genuine Neuman is or was for her progressive superhero-reform goals before joining Vought. We don’t really have a handle on her backstory yet. So whether she is a genuine progressive who is forced to work for Vought or simply a Vought double-agent is not known. However, either way I don’t think it implies Neuman is worse than Stormfront. In fact, more so this is just a brilliant move on Stan Edgar and Vought’s part to curb the superhero narrative in their favor. Just like how Vought benefits from Stormfront’s racist beliefs, they could equally benefit from Neuman’s progressive beliefs. In fact, Vought has already been doing shady stuff under the guise of progressive ideology this entire seasoning (the blatantly pandering “Girls get it done” campaign, the co-opting of Queen Maeve’s gay status for LGBT+ brownie points, etc.) In many ways, it is a reflection of pink capitalism and how much corporations want to appear “woke” while still benefiting from a corrupt capitalist systematic status quo. Essentially, Edgar knows he’s going to get backlash for Vought’s attempts to take-over the world by distributing Compound V. So he wants to control the narrative by having someone on his side pretending to be working against the man but really working for it. This also parallels a lot of brands who claim to be fighting against a capitalist system but is merely paying lip-services to such changes and just another extension of a major corporation’s capitalist endeavors. Just look at all the Che Guevara and Karl Marx merchandise you can buy online. I believe Edgar is working that exact angle with Victoria Neuman.

And there was genuine foreshadowing for this too. This twist did not come out of nowhere despite what some people like the AV Club would have you believe. The fact that Stan Edgar is constantly watching news coverage of Victoria Neuman on TV. During the head-exploding courtroom scene, you can see every person Victoria stares at explodes soon after. After the first time we see someone’s head explode in the beginning of the season, it immediately cuts to Victoria Neuman. So this wasn’t just some twist the writers pulled out of their ass in the last minute. This was clearly planned. Besides, it is entirely possible that Neuman is or at least was a genuinely progressive before being forced to work for Vought against her will. She does mention her daughter multiple times in the season. It is almost a cliche how much sympathy the show pulls from its asshole characters by giving them a kid (just check the Honest Trailers video). But that could very well be the case. Regardless, I do think we will get some understanding as to why Neuman is working for Vought in the next season for whatever reason. And I am genuinely looking forward to it. Besides, this doesn’t even ruin her character and we could see her human side explored in the next season. One of the things I praise this show for is going in-depth into even its worst scumbaggy characters (Homelander, The Deep, A-Train, etc.) to explore their human sides while still presenting them as awful people.

Also, I think the reason why Neuman takes longer to explode the Scientology guy’s head in the last scene while she easily explodes heads quickly in the courtroom scene is just to show to the audience that Neuman is the head exploder. Besides, there is no reason Neuman has to be quick to explode his head since there is no threat that she’ll be exposed for it. I’m sure she can explode heads much quicker when Season 3 comes around.   

So really that was all my thoughts on the whole Victoria Neuman reveal. I just wanted to give some more praise for The Boy’s awesome finale. The episode was full of fun, awesome moments that were super satisfying. The three female superheroes kicking the shit out of the Nazi, Homelander being rendered completely impotent by the end, Billy Butcher deciding to do the selfless thing to protect the child for once (right after nearly trying to murder him), Edgar pointing out as a black man how little he can lash out, The Deep getting cucked out of The Seven, etc. I loved what the Season 2 finale did. I am looking forward to Season 3. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear your thoughts.         

[aion-rsa]

Van Helsing Returns For A Final Season And Adds Time Travel To Its Narrative Palette

https://ift.tt/3af4PjN

This Van Helsing article contains major spoilers for the season 5 premiere.

From the dynamically retooled opening title sequence to the Jack-centric Transylvania storyline, it takes only moments to recognize that Van Helsing’s fifth and final season promises to take fans on a wild ride as it brings to a close its delightfully circuitous tale of horror’s most iconic vampire hunting family. Season premiere “Past Tense” doesn’t represent the first time the Van Helsing family story finds itself in the past, but there seems to be a more concerted effort this time to employ traditional time travel elements as the unanswered questions mount.

It’s been sixteen months since the season four finale, but the head of the Van Helsing clan remains noticeably absent from the story even though her imprint is unmistakable. Fans of the series understand Kelly Overton’s (Vanessa Van Helsing) pregnancy last season limited her participation, and though she doesn’t appear in the season premiere, Nicole Muñoz (Jack) and Tricia Helfer (Olivia/The Dark One) deliver strong performances that skillfully carry the episode. Still, where’s Vanessa?

Before we address Vanessa’s whereabouts, however, it’s the stunning narrative redirect showrunner/writer Jonathan Lloyd Walker and director Jonathan Scarfe (Axel) throw at viewers that suggests a new approach to bringing the vampire apocalypse to an end. What appears to be a truth on Van Helsing doesn’t always play out the way we think it will, but when Jack leaves the Dark Realm and finds herself in renaissance Transylvania, there seems to be only one logical explanation – time travel. You have to love that Jack immediately recognizes the drastically changed landscape and sets out to take care of business. 

Read more

TV

Van Helsing Season 5 Overcomes Production Challenges

By Dave Vitagliano

TV

Van Helsing Season 4 Episode 13 Review: The Beholder

By Dave Vitagliano

Vanessa apparently still resides in the Dark Realm, but it seems clear that she’s the catalyst for Jack’s temporal journey to Dracula’s city of origin.  Of course, Jack’s experience here could turn out to be similar to Vanessa’s meeting with her grandmother Lily in season three,  but for now, we have to consider conventional time travel as the most likely scenario. Needless to say, time travel in the hands of a less skilled writer can lead to a multitude of narrative pitfalls, but with Walker (Continuum) at the helm, the story is in more than competent hands. Still, we have to wonder how Vanessa’s role will play out since it seems reasonable to assume that if she can send Jack to the past, she can leave the Dark Realm at any point herself. So why does she stay?

Once we learn that Count Dalibor’s wife Olivia (Tricia Helfer) may, in fact, be the genesis of the Dark One, it’s only a matter of time before she and Jack come face to face. It doesn’t take long for viewers and Jack to face the quintessential time travel dilemma: if you could go back in time and kill baby Hitler, would you? Traveling to the past to prevent an apocalyptic future has become a science fiction staple, and Jack now faces the ultimate moral decision. “Now I know why my mother sent me here.” Understanding Vanessa’s motivation is one thing, whether she can carry out this gruesome task is quite another. 

While it might be simpler to have Jack kill Olivia and prevent the 21st century evil that plagues the American northwest, other options do exist. “What if you could stop what turns her dark?” Florian (Matúš Kvietik) asks a reticent Jack. Unfortunately, the Transylvanian problem is far more complex than simply eliminating new mother Olivia. Actions have consequences, and if time travel tales tell us anything, it’s that unintended consequences generally rear their ugly heads sooner rather than later. Whether it’s the Grandfather Paradox or the Butterfly Effect, things rarely turn out the way the protagonist thinks they will.

Not surprisingly, Helfer (Battlestar Galactica; Lucifer) seamlessly transitions from the dark, ultra evil creature at the heart of the vampire threat to a loving wife and new mother who unknowingly sells her soul to Michaela and the roots of the Sisterhood. Nonetheless, the plot thickens because killing Olivia and preventing her from becoming the Dark One only takes care of one problem. What about the Sisterhood? Jack and Ivory already killed Michaela in the present, but now Jack can prevent her from creating and expanding the Sisterhood and becoming the Dark One’s bride. Does Jack have it in her to commit what will seem like multiple atrocities to the innocent bystanders who possess no knowledge of the future from which she comes?

Olivia’s role in the coming apocalypse isn’t as cut and dried as it might seem, and when Florian shows Jack the portrait of the count and countess, it’s her last name that stimulates Jack and the fateful decision she ultimately makes. Dracula. Did Vanessa actually send Jack to this point in time with the intention that her daughter could operate in the role previously ascribed to her – mankind’s savior?

Nobody said saving the human race was going to be easy, and we most certainly didn’t expect the Van Helsing storyline to end up in the middle of a Renaissance street fair, but it’s a perfect vehicle for Olivia to meet another major player on the dark side.  “I see two futures diverging,” the fortune teller (Jesse Stanley) tells Olivia, and the woman who will eventually become the Oracle, informs her that two women wish to shape her fate. “Something dark awaits you.” And Jack’s kill list grows taller by the minute.

“I told you; vampires, and I’m the cure,” Jack explains to Florian, but the subtext here implies something quite different than her ability to return victims to the human state. Micheala (Heather Doerksen) wishes to resurrect someone and begins brewing a potion that seems to affect both Jack and Olivia and sets into motion an act which can’t be taken back. We’ve witnessed this watershed moment many times before, and too often the hero hesitates and allows evil to escape. Not this time, however. Jack plunges her dagger into Olivia’s throat. “I’m sorry; I had to.” This is not the first person Jack has killed, but it will be fascinating to watch the effect this murder has on her personality. Still, if she’s to prevent the dark future, there are at least two more deaths to consider. 

“Do not get enchanted by whispers of magic and monsters,” Dalibor (Kim Coates) tells Florian, laying the groundwork for Jack’s revelation that vampires are real and must be stopped. However, Jack’s in a difficult situation since the “I’m from the future,” explanation rarely yields positive results. It’s early, so we don’t know if Vanessa has an exit strategy planned for Jack, but for now, she’s on her own. Is Florian enamored enough of this stranger to overlook the murder of his beloved countess, or can Jack offer some kind of proof that everything she says is true? And how will Dalibor handle his wife’s brutal killing? No one ever said the Dark One has to be female.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Over the course of five seasons, series creators and showrunners Simon Barry, Neil LaBute, and now Jonathan Lloyd Walker have managed to lure some of genre television’s finest actors for guest spots and recurring roles, and “Past Tense” continues this trend. Filming inside a real Slovakian castle takes the Van Helsing world building to another level which works brilliantly with Jack’s journey to the past, and though it’s likely only a brief paradigm shift, the intriguing introduction of time travel into the overall arc helps assuage the momentary loss we feel in the absence of the core characters. Vanessa will be back. The future’s not as clear for Violet, Doc, Axel, Ivory, and Julius who are still out there somewhere.

The post Van Helsing Returns For A Final Season And Adds Time Travel To Its Narrative Palette appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3mVvw2i

[unexpected-nightview]

can you recommend some (preferably chinese) tv series to watch after the untamed? i have hard time deciding what to watch next

Okay so *cracks nuckles*

The “budgety+quality” ones Joy of Life : period drama, long but good pacing, COSTUMES BUDGET, intriguing story, lots of political schemes, romance is not that bad, the acting is GODDAMN GOOD (especially for the older actors). Also. The Second Prince. Oh! And Xiao Zhan but he appears later. Winter Begonia : set in 1930, based on a BL and despite Feng Tai having a wife it SHOWS (oh my god they were soulmates). Costumes again are *chef kiss*. More daily life than action-driven but not necessarily slow. Oh and it’s about chinese opera. Acting good (seriously, Feng Tai and Xi Rui’s interactions are just pure bliss). FOOD. The Sleught of Ming Dynasty : detective but in period drama, F O O D. So much food oh my god. The main trio works well and I particularly enjoyed Wang Zhi (but then again that’s my fave type of character so yeah). Pace slows down but then picks up. Based on a BL but does fall into the trap of setting the male couple with their respective female LI. Doesn’t last long, they don’t stand a chance but poor girls suffered from bad writing. However there are some things that were handled with more care than I thought possible so bonus points.

The Romance of Tiger and Rose : romance and action-y (more like buffoonery), period drama. It does have an interesting setting premise and some things I genuinely thought were “clever” or worth a conversation. Qianqian and Han Shuo have no business being so cute. Nor does Pei Heng (ot3 for the win fight me). Zi Rui is just the best character ever. Periodt. For real tho : for a romance-focused story I was surprised by how much I like it!

The Ghost Bride : Taiwanese-Malaysian (1890), have watched only 2 episodes (out of 6) but so far so good. So for a short one it could be nice. The Lost Tomb Reboot : like I said, at the very least the first 11 episodes if you enjoy Indiana Jones-esque stories.

Now, the “not that good+lower budget+bless their hearts they tried” who can be enjoyable to watch

My Roommate is a Detective : detective premise (duh), Shanghai in 1920. The costumes are not bad, the acting is a bit mismatch but bearable. Honestly Chu Sheng/Lu Yao/You Ning do work (give it time). CS sugar daddy of LY. The Bromance™ that ends up with a panicky het couple out of fucking nowhere and one dude staring sadly in the distance (don’t watch the final episodes, not worth it). Oh. And not so subtle hints of PATRIOTISM. But it’s funny (ridiculous). Once upon a time in Lingjian mountain : period but fantasy. Bonkers like It don’t even know where to begin with this one. I had me confused. Wang Wu is queen and that’s it. The dubbing is all over the place but weirdly funny. It’s mostly comedy but it does have it’s angsty moments (the last scene had me SAD okay). Costumes and props...they tried. Altho I’m pretty sure Wang Lu wears a thin jacket that looks suspiciously like plastic? IDK. Confusion. Guardian : I mean at this point this one is just iconic. The only good acting comes from Bai Yu and Zhu Yi Long. Bless their hearts they tried. I cannot in good conscience be too harsh with the wigs. Also, based on a BL but yet again, not that subtle (the lollipop pop pop pop). The ending differs from the novel and it sucks so hard that the author of the novel had to make like a short story thingy to fix it. Pretty wild. The Lost Tomb 1 : *circus anthem*. PATRIOTISM. CGI that screams in agony. The tomb feels like a liminal space??? Wu Xie best boi. Still have to see Pangzi again (he is about to enter the scene I just know it). Emo!Xiao Ge with Evanescence on repeat. DRAMATIC MUSIC at random. All very intense, we don’t what or why but it’s all VERY INTENSE. 10000/10 would recommend. And because I cannot go making recommendations without adding these two

Psychopath Diary (kdrama) : it’s one of those that you feel the people working on it had fun and IT SHOWS. Really, really, REALLY satisfying ending. No romance shoved up your throat. Male and Female lead work well and establish a solid friendship. Seo In Woo dancing in his murder room. Strangers from hell (kdrama) : look this shit is scary af but doesn’t rely on jumpscares. It’s just a perhaps not so slow descent into madness and it’s amazing. If you enjoy that genre it’s a must watch.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

The End of Year Awards Are Back... and This Time, It’s Personal!

And so we approach the end of 2020, the year that never really began. On paper, at least, it looked incredibly promising. There were lots of great movies slated to come out; culture seemed slightly less paucity-riddled and pointless than usual; good things were in the air. Then COVID happened, and basically fucked everything. Actually, that’s not quite true: my personal year has been fucking spectacular. I’m in a long-term relationship with a gorgeous woman for the first time in forever- no more abrupt trysts and stolen moments for yer humble narrator: I’ve got a sumptuously plus-size lady-friend who actually wants to spend substantial amounts of time me (and has knockers you could sled down, were you so inclined). I also started a Youtube channel where I upload performances of magic tricks I’ve designed and a few people seem to quite like it. Oh, and I’ve written four novels, with a fifth well on its way to completion. Unfortunately, that’s my life, not the life of our civilisation and culture as a whole. The fact that bugger all happened in that makes this end-of-year round-up a little hard to write. With that in mind, I’m going to hand out the gongs for 2020, but I’m also going to do my usual dodge of giving end-of-year awards to things that I discovered in 2020, even if they came out the year, decade or century before. It’s not like any right-minded person gives a hoot about my opinion anyway. Right then, everyone clear on the rules? Then let’s roll up our sleeves and plunge elbow deep into the fetid trough of our decaying society to ferret out the best and worst of the Things That Humans Have Done Recently.

The ‘I Like It Because It Confused Thick People’ Award for Best High-Concept Sci-Fi Movie... … Goes to the sterling Tenet, a spy film that used entropy inversion and symmetric, opposite-direction timelines within the same physical space the way most spy films use hacking and guns. Christopher Nolan films are always intricately constructed and meticulously-executed, but this one must have had Japanese Master Puzzle-Box Makers crying into their breakfast cereal. Is breakfast cereal a thing in Japan? I honestly I have no idea. For some reason, all I can imagine is a sort of dry kedgeree where all the ingredients that aren’t rice have been removed. But I digress. For all its intricacy, Tenet is actually really easy to follow once you’ve grasped the basic premise that there’s a machine that lets people move backwards through time, and that this makes them appear to move in reverse to the rest of the world while they perceive the rest of the world as moving in reverse. Nolan maintains a mastery of cinematic visual language that makes even the most abstruse concept easy to wrap your head around. Nonetheless, following Tenet’s release, dumb people took to the Internet on mass to complain that the film was confusing and stupid, never once realising that their inability to conceptualise time in non-linear ways was their own failing, not Nolan’s. I find that refreshing. It’s nice to see a sci-fi film that’s actually made for smart-cookie sci-fi fans and doesn’t give a hoot if it alienate thickos.

The Award for Most Inexplicably Compelling Web Comic… … Goes to Questionable Content. I originally started reading Questionable Content because I’d heard that the female lead and love interest was a plus size lassie and that shit’s my jam. However, the art style makes everyone look like a skinny indie-type, regardless of their actual, in-universe size, so it doesn’t do much to titillate my Fat Admiring Titillation Centres. And yet, I’m over five hundred ‘episodes’ in and still reading. The thing is, I couldn’t tell you why for the life of me. Maybe it’s the hope that the art style will evolve to the point where the people look like actual human beings with different body types (but then, why would I care unless I was invested for some other reason). Maybe it’s the fact that when I get one of the many, many obscure band or pop culture references, I feel a little buzz of kinship with the writer. Maybe it’s the fact that it takes place in a universe where robots and superheroes are things that regularly happen, yet most of the strips are just normal people chatting shit in a coffee shop and the slice-of-life narrative/sci-fi setting appeals to my sense of juxtaposition. I don’t know, but I find it really compelling to the extent that I’ve pissed away entire days reading it. I have a horrible feeling that it’s a short step from this to really angsty hentai. If I start singing the praises of that, somebody please shoot me in the crotch.

The ‘Forest Gump Debating Peter Andre’ Award For Most Sustained or Elongated Instance of Stupidity… … Goes to Donald Trump. I was tempted just to award this gong to his entire presidency, but that wasn’t just stupid: it was also venal, corrupt, horrifying and punctuated by terrible moments of low cunning. So, instead, this award goes to his ‘soup’ rant. For those of you who missed it, the former President of the United States spent a really, really long time (in the run-up to the election) wittering on about protestors throwing cans of soup at police. What was dumb and weird about it was that he appeared to be extolling the virtues of soup as a siege weapon, going into really specific detail about how it was better than a brick because it could be thrown with more force, finishing with the utterance that protestors would just argue that “this is just soup for my family” if they were caught with the cans… which is phrased wrong in such a subtle and inhuman way it’s hard to imagine that anyone actually ever said it, at least in those words. I have no idea if protestors in America were throwing soup cans at police (which would be entirely justified considering how many innocent people American police have murdered in cold blood quite recently) or if this was a fantasy dreamed up by the former president in the cloudcuckooland that is his diseased little brain. Either way, the connected rant was balls deep in dumb.

The Most Disturbing Unintentional Impression of Vincent Price Award… … Goes to the narrator from One Step Beyond, a Twilight Zone-esque anthology of weirdness that purports to be based on true events and has to be seen to be believed. The stories are oft-disturbing instances of spooky-inflected human drama and can occasionally be quite disconcerting… until they’re book-ended by a dude who sounds like Vincent Price reading a children’s book in a really earnest voice. It’s weird and no, it didn’t hit our screens in Space Year 2020, it dates back to Ye Olden Times of the 1950s or 60s, when men were men, women were women and technincolour was a distant dream that could get you strung up for witchcraft. Nonetheless, I only encountered it this year, so it’s getting its prize. I warned you I was going to pull this shit, but you foolish fools didn’t listen.

The ‘It’s Not Gay If I Don’t Clench’ Award for Cognitive Dissonance… … Goes to Amazon Prime, the content-making branch of evil, tax-dodging, anti-monopoly-law-breaking megalith Amazon. You see, while Big Daddy Amazon is off being incredibly sinister and worrying, like a shifty vampire hanging off the economy’s throat, the creative people at Amazon Prime are busy making or acquiring some of the flat-out best TV ever committed to a streaming-service, from the extra-weird slice of fun-pie that is The Tick, to the entertainingly horrifying cultural dissection of The Boys to the utterly unique Carnival Row, to the superbly adapted American Gods. It’s a bit like discovering that Geoffrey Dahlmer single-handedly created a body of artistic work to rival Vincent Van Gogh’s when he wasn’t pouring acid onto the brains of emotionally vulnerable young adults. It gives me a headache.

The Clint Eastwood Award for Most Effective Older Gentlemen… … Goes to Joe Biden, for unseating dipshit in chief Donald Trump with the casual badassery of a Wild West gunslinger shooting a baddy (probably played by Leonardo Di Caprio) in the balls. I mean, he’s not the best Prez America could ask for but a) as a Brit I don’t have to care and b) anyone who ousts Trump gets mad props from me.

The ‘It’s a Pity Everything Else is Shit Now’ Award for Best New Ongoing Series… … Goes to my own Youtube series, Victor The Magician, in which I claim to be a reality-hopping, interdimensional wizard on an endless quest to… perform magic, basically. I’ll admit that the quality is super-variable (Youtube algorithms and their constant demand for fresh content be a harsh mistress, etc., etc.). However, when I’m good, I’m really good. If you’re looking for a punch-line other than the fact that this whole bit is a self-promoting plug, it’s this: my Youtube series really was the best thing to come out this year. Not because I’m great or anything, just by default. A promising year really did turn into a cultural wasteland the moment COVIDius Rex reared its scaly head.

The Zombie Ian Curtis Award for Most Crushing Disappointment… … Goes to Rick and Morty Series 4. As I think I’ve said before, it was still good, but it just didn’t reach the dizzy heights of nihilistic lunacy achieved in series 1-3. I think the problem is that the audience is meant to learn something from Rick’s poor choices, even if he doesn’t, because the creators saw the amazing success of Bojack Horseman and decided they wanted a slice of that sweet, tangy deconstructionist pie. It worked up to a point in the climax of Series 3, but having made their point, the showrunners probably should have moved onto a different point. They forgot that the appeal of Rick Sanchez is his combination of ‘entertaining car-crash of a human being’ and ‘unstoppable superbeing’. Push him through an arc and you risk breaking the thing that makes him and the show so endlessly watchable. Rick, unlike Bojack, just wasn’t built for heavy introspection. Also, the team hired on new writers who were less than familiar with the characters, setting and subtext, and that’s always an invitation to disaster.

The Special Sir Mixalot Award for Posteriority… ...Goes to… my girlfriend and glamorous assistant, Mystic Miss Terri, who’s arse is gorgeous and majestic.

The ‘Are They STILL Making That?’ Award for a Show You Forgot Existed And is Now Back… … Goes to Supernatural, which never technically went away and whose final series is apparently being broadcast on one of the 4 channels (though who knows which one, any more), It’s kind of nice to realise it’s still out there and be reminded that there are still people who care deeply about what happens to it. It’s like when you remember ‘oh yeah, [insert cute animal here] actually exists and isn’t just an internet meme. That’s nice’. Also, it’s good to see Jared Padelacki working steadily. It can’t be easy to find acting gigs when most producers just want to shoot you and mount your antlers over a fireplace.

The Irritating Magician Award for Something That Just Won’t Fuck Off… ...Goes to this blog entry, which is three pages long in Word. Good grief. Bye y’all! See you next year, assuming that the last few days of 2020 don’t culminate in a civilisation-destroying attack by giant space-ants. If that seems worryingly specific, let’s just say that- as Leonard Cohen would say “I’ve seen the future and, brother, it is murder”… by giant space-ants.

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hey so I’ve been seeing you post a lot about La Casa de Papel recently. What exactly is it? It looks kinda interesting.

Thank you so much for asking!

I am delighted beyond reason to have the opportunity to tell you - and by extension the entire world - why this show has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and legitimately healed my soul after this particularly soul-crushing season of Grimdark White Man Television almost broke me as a human being.

I will attempt to keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can, because this is a show that should be experienced in the moment, but in a nutshell, La Casa de Papel is a heist show set in present-day Madrid which follows both a found family of thieves who rob the Royal Mint of Spain, and the law enforcement officials on the outside who are chasing them.

If that is enough for you, go right to your TV or computer, fire up the ol’ Netflix, and don’t waste any more time.

If, however, you need a little more, here are the top five things I flail about to every single person in my life to convince them they need to start watching this show like immediately and then come back and tell me all about it.

For visual flair, we’ll intersperse them with some gifs of ladies, because I know my audience.

5. character driving plot > plot driving character.

You know that infuriating thing lazy TV writers do where, in order to to hurry up and get to the big explosion or battle scene or dragon attack or whatever, which is the only bit they really care about, they handwave away the whole concept of motivation and make some character do something that any halfway-attentive viewer will immediately clock that they would never actually do?

There is none of that bullshit here.

In its simplest form, the plot of La Casa de Papel is as follows: a brilliant criminal mastermind devises a heist which cannot possibly go wrong, and then we proceed to watch all the ways in which it goes wrong.

This is a fantastic setup for an action story, made even more breathlessly exciting by strategic use of my favorite heist movie plot device (as perfected by Ocean’s Eleven): namely, “scene where it looks like our crime heroes have been outsmarted and are now threatened by a completely unforeseen disaster” immediately followed by “flashback to the team prepping for the heist where we learn that of course they prepared for this exact scenario.”

But from time to time, things do actually go wrong (as they must, or else there would be no story); and, when they do, it is never because you can tell a writer just wanted to write a scene where bullets go flying, and didn’t care how he got there. These characters are so clear, their behavior so consistent, that when gasp-worthy plot twists happen, they happen because of course that character, in this exact scenario, would do that exact thing.

I’m telling you, I came to this show for a ship (more on that in a minute) and I stayed for a swooning, heart-eyes writer crush on the impeccably-designed plot structure and characterization.

4. High stakes, low gore.

Tone-wise, on a sliding scale of Heist Film Intensity where a really fluffy episode of Leverage is a 1, Reservoir Dogs is a 10, and the Ocean’s franchise is somewhere in the 3-4 range, I would place La Casa at a 5 or a 6, which is perfect for me. I love action, suspense, drama and adventure, but I hate gratuitous violence (especially when it’s pointless and masturbatory and doesn’t contribute anything to the plot) and have a very low tolerance for blood and gore. So I kept waiting for the story to eventually take a hard left turn into Tarantino Land, until eventually it was all just one huge pile of dead bodies, and was genuinely surprised when it didn’t.

This is how I learned just how badly my brain has been fucked up by lazy showrunners who think shock deaths are the only way to raise stakes. During the first season of this show, before I had figured out that it was a Flawless Gem of Television Which So Far Has Not Once Disappointed Me, there were probably a dozen moments where I was absolutely convinced that some character was about to be gruesomely killed for shock value … and I was wrong every single time.

Reader, it was fucking wild.

Every single time I was convinced that person A was going to shoot person B in the head because blah blah maximum angst over here in this part of the story and then it will motivate person C to do this other thing, the show did the hard work of finding a smarter, more unexpected direction to take that character’s story. That means that when deaths do come along - and there are a couple - they feel genuinely earned, and they matter deeply to the story and to us.

3. I would die for these women.

This show loves women. Like it truly, authentically, uncompromisingly loves women in all our fucked-up messy glorious complexity. There are no “types” or cliches here; no one is forced to be only one thing. Fuck your one-dimensional Strong Female Characters, lazy writers.

For one thing, on many shows you might be lucky if you get maybe one mom who is given a personality and a story outside of motherhood. Often, on shows written by men, the fact of her motherhood diminishes her strength or her agency. On this show, nearly every one of the central female characters is both a mom and an action hero simultaneously. Seriously. By season 3 there are four different battle moms. They’re all different, they’re not all on the same side, they have different perspectives, and their role as mother impacts the story differently, but that’s the joy of having a whole lot of different kinds of women - no one has to be everything to everyone.

These women are complicated. They laugh, they cry, they crack dirty jokes, they get laid, they have babies, they fight, they make mistakes, they fall in love, they grow. Men pull sexist shit and they shut it the fuck down. Some of them have love stories, some of them don’t, but they are never defined by or triangulated around relationships with men. They get to have relationships with each other. All of them are excellent at their jobs.

Tokyo is the kind of hot mess antihero protagonist we’ve been watching middle-aged white men play for decades.

Allison is such a realistic teenage girl it’s genuinely painful to watch.

Monica has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television, this is not a drill.

Alicia is terrifying. (A pregnant black ops interrogator! ON WHAT OTHER FUCKING SHOW!?!??)

Nairobi is unlike any other character you’ve seen on TV before; she’s got a little bit of Parker from Leverage, a little bit of Raven Reyes from The 100, but she’s entirely her own creature and you will fall in love with her instantly.

And Raquel. Oh, my love, my angel, my hero, Inspector Raquel Murillo. Love of my goddamn life. A fierce, kickass hostage negotiator swimming upstream against a tide of workplace misogyny who sometimes has to make the frustrating little male-appeasing compromises we all have to make to get through the workday. A beautiful, sexy, powerful heroine over 40 whose femininity isn’t diminished based on some bullshit notion that, for example, pairing your tough-bitch suit and gun holster with red toenails and a lacy blouse detracts from your strength. A loving mom and daughter who has to juggle raising a small child and caring for an aging parent with the stress of, you know, trying to stop the biggest robbery in the history of Spain. A domestic violence survivor (TW for those who need it; nothing is ever shown onscreen, but it’s discussed several times) who is given the space to discuss the things that have happened to her and how she has worked through them with such dignity, accuracy and respect that you can tell the writers did their homework.

This is a show where you can tell there are women in the writers’ room.

2. The Professor and Raquel. I don’t want to spoil a single thing for you here except to say that I myself was lured into this show by the promise of electric sexual chemistry between a criminal mastermind and the police inspector hunting him down, and my God I was not disappointed.

1. Love.

This show came into my life at a period where I was so weary of cynicism on television - so fucking furious at showrunners who dangle hope in front of us and then crush it, who only care about building anything if they can tear it down later, who treat love and fun and joy and hope and family and happiness like they’re intellectually lesser than grimdark nihilism with no soul - that I was honestly kind of broken by it. I was just so. fucking. tired. Tired of “the way we show this heroine is strong is to kill off her love interest.” Tired of “sorry but all this rape and murder is NECESSARY because of REALISM” (particularly rich when coming from shows featuring evil A.I.’s or dragons and ice zombies). Tired of getting invested in relationships - whether ships or friends or found families - only to realize that the show I was watching was always going to sacrifice character to force plot mechanics into place, and those relationships were never going to get the kind of care and focus I wanted them to get.

But that is not this show.

The single most revolutionary thing, to me, about La Casa de Papel - the thing that sets it apart from every other rollercoaster action thrill ride on television - is that every single thread of the plot is tied to love.

Every.

Single.

One.

Love of all different shapes and sizes - parents and children, friendships, doomed crushes (straight and queer), toxic exes, blossoming romances, siblings - and over it all, a deep, deep love for humanity.

The thing I said before, about how when things go wrong they go wrong in character-driven ways? It’s this. Love is why everything on this show happens. Love is what makes children want to live up to their parents and what makes parents fight to leave a better world for their children. Love is why deaths have stakes. Love is why we spend so much screentime lingering on small moments another show might ignore, like all the thieves at heist camp sitting down every night to have dinner together and argue about paella techniques. Love is what causes chaos in the middle of the heist; when there’s one person in the room you care about more than the others, you can get distracted and take your eye off the ball. Love is how your enemies can get to you, by leveraging or blackmailing the people who matter most, knowing that you’ll crack if they’re in danger. Love, gone wrong, causes toxic men to develop possessive and controlling behavior towards women. Love is how the Professor gets the idea for the heist in the first place. The plan is flawless on paper, but it doesn’t account for the human variable, and over and over again we see that relationships and connection and sex and family and love cause people to behave in unpredictable ways and throw the whole plan into chaos, which is what makes for a dynamic and compelling story.

How refreshing to see a show simply refuse to grant the oft-repeated premise that a show cannot have both high-octane thrills, and a big soft squishy heart, at the same time.

ANYWAY, I’VE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR VALUABLE TV-WATCHING TIME, GO JUMP ON BOARD THIS TRAIN AND COME SCREAM ABOUT IDEALISTIC SPANISH ROBIN HOODS WITH ME, AND LET THE GOOD SHIP SERQUEL INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU WON’T BE SORRY

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[rawiswhore]

Val Venis x Fem Reader- “Thirst Trap Queen”

It seems like every WWF era seems to have a male sex symbol who plays a cocky ladies man and seems to have a fanbase that consists mostly of women.

In the 80's and early 90's Golden Era, it was the Ravishing Rick Rude, in the New Generation era, it was Shawn Michaels, and in the Attitude era, it was Val Venis.

On a "Monday Night Raw" episode near the end of the 90's, when he was at the height of his wrestling popularity, hadn't cut his hair and joined that Right to Censor episode, Val Venis had left the shower, the camera filming him from above the genitals.

Val really previously did take a shower, his hair was damp, he turned the faucet off and water was dripping down his body.

When Val stepped out of the shower, steam was leaving the shower with him, clouding and fogging up the room.

However, he wasn't having sex with anyone in the shower, surprisingly.

Off camera, women and men were getting out of their seats and cheering when they saw Val walk out of the shower.

It's about to get even steamier a few minutes after this.

Goddamn it, you really hope the fog coming out of the shower doesn't blur the camera's lens.

Suddenly, you walked up to Val, which got even louder cheers than him when you were shown on camera.

The character you play in the WWF is a seductive, oversexed, nymphomaniac slut who basically is like the female Val Venis, or vice versa.

Some people would rather ship you with Val rather than with Triple H or Shawn Michaels.

Val's eyes noticed you when you strolled up to him, you stopped walking once you were standing right next to him.

He grinned when he looked at you.

"Hello" he welcomed, grinning and peering at you.

"Val" you said, smiling back at him and putting one of your hands on his chest "I always see you looking like you just hopped out of the shower when you enter the arena"

He nodded his head.

"And?" he asked.

"Well, before you have a match" you said "Maybe I could help dry you off"

The men in the audience cheered loudly when they heard that.

Even Val grinned hearing you say that, but he's pretending to be unbeknownst to what will happen later.

"But I'm not gonna dry you off with a towel" you admitted, naughtily grinning at him.

The men in the audience were a little shocked.

"What's she gonna dry him off with?" Jerry asked off screen, his voice shrill and high.

You then sunk yourself down below where the camera was filming Val, he was looking down at you sink down.

This was implying you were gonna give Val a blowjob, which made both genders in the audience cheer and shout their heads off, shouting "yyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Val was grinning at you looking like you were about to give him oral sex.

Even though the camera wasn't filming it yet, Val leaned his head back, closed his eyes and groaned, sounding and looking like he does in his titantron when he was sitting in a car getting oral sex from some chicks.

"Oh my!" Jerry Lawler shrieked "Is she doing what I think she's doing?!"

The audience watching this thought you were giving him a blowjob, but no, you weren't.

You leaned your face below his abdomen and placed the tip of your tongue on the skin a few inches above his genitals, only for you to lick all the way up the middle of his torso.

The tip of your tongue became the majority of your tongue as you licked the water up his skin.

Your body was raising up when you licked up his body, the camera filming you.

This took the audience even more by shock, which made both genders cheer for you, some men even letting out some of those silly wolf whistles at you.

"I wasn't expecting her to do that!" Jerry lied.

Though, what else are you gonna dry him off with?

"Val" you said to him once your head was close to his chest. "I was feeling a little thirsty tonight, and you can quench my thirst"

The women in the audience cheered hearing you say that, though they also wanna ring your neck for stealing their man.

They wanna ring your neck in general, you got to have Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Christian, Test, and eventually Jeff Hardy and they know it courtesy of "Monday Night Raw".

Lucky bitch.

He grinned hearing you confess that.

"Well, y'know what they say about the Big Valbowski" he stated, grinning and smiling while he said this "I can make your mouth wet and moist, amongst other body parts"

Classic Val Venis sexual innuendo.

The women in the audience agreed with that, shrieking their lungs out off camera, whereas the men in the audience off camera cheered and roared with applause.

You blushed and smiled from ear to ear hearing that innuendo, trying to contain yourself, only for you to sink back down to his stomach, slightly crouching yourself on the ground.

When you were crouching in front of Val's genitals, your body was trying to conceal his nudity from the camera, much to the dismay of his female fanbase.

The audience, however, did get to see a view of his leg, and he really was naked in this moment.

Your tongue pressed on the left side of his abdomen, licking up the water all the way up to his chest.

Your tongue was tickling his skin, making his nipples as well as a little something below his navel tingle.

He, meanwhile, looked down at you licking up his body, having his shit eating grin plastered on his face while you licked him.

When your head was close enough to his chest, one of your hands moved up to the end of his hair strand, where you pulled the end of his hair to your mouth.

"Oh no" Jim Ross exclaimed off camera when you pulled the end of Val's hair to your mouth "She's not gonna!"

But before he could finish that sentence, the ends of Val's hair was in between your lips, where you gently sucked the water off of the ends of his hair.

This was the epitome of a confused boner.

The people in the audience had mixed reactions.

Some were cheering this on, roaring "yyyyyyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!", others were grossed out, shouting "ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!" and "aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!!", but they weren't saying "aaaaaaaaaaw" as if something's adorable.

You had a naughty little smirk on your face when you sucked the end of his hair.

Val was smiling at you sucking his hair, though he's also a little bit grossed out.

He wasn't expecting you to do this.

"Val" you said, your fingers pulling the ends of his hair out of your mouth, "Do you have a match to do right now?"

You suddenly didn't sound so sexy or seductive anymore.

"Yes I do!" he confessed.

"So I should stop licking you?" you asked, pouting.

"I'm afraid so" he admitted, frowning. "Though, after this match, the two of us can cuddle up in the shower again, how about that?"

He grinned from ear to ear saying that, putting his hands on your hips and swaying his hips from side to side.

The audience cheered off screen again hearing that.

His grin was spreading to you, which made you sheepishly smile as well.

"That's what I was thinking" you admitted. "Could clean the sweat off of you"

He patted your shoulder, smiling at you.

He then walked away, grabbing a towel when he walked off camera.

There's still plenty of water you haven't licked off of him.

_______________________________________________________________

There's a British Youtuber named Paul Joseph Watson, maybe you've heard of him?

He believes depression isn't a real mental illness, but love is a mental illness, and Islam is not a religion of peace.

One of Paul's most notorious rants is a rant about pop culture and why is it so vulgar, and that it's more vulgar than ever before (he posted this in 2017).

I wonder how he felt about the WWF's Attitude era of the late 90's and early 2000's: arguably the most violent, oversexualized, trashy, and downright shocking era the WWF/E has ever had (the reason I put "arguably" is because there was the WWE's Ruthless Aggression era, which was the Attitude era 2.0).

The WWF during the Attitude era was the most popular show on television in the late 90's, and this era was notorious for being "crash TV".

The WWF in the Attitude era had even higher ratings than it did in the 80's, and the Attitude era was popular enough to cross over into pop culture: be parodied in Mad and Cracked magazine, be on the covers of TV-Guide magazine, and people wearing Austin 3:16 shirts and doing D Generation X's "suck it" catchphrase and gesture.

Yet, it was a very shocking and dare I even say it, trashy era, an era where wrestlers played pimps, porn stars, sex addicts, horny old ladies, incestuous and even pedophilic "Leave it to Beaver" parodies and fratboys who wore blackface, sprayed racist cartoons and messages on black people's locker rooms, women ripped the clothes off of each other until they were down to bras and thongs, did bikini contests dressed in thong bikinis and wrestled in kiddie pools filled with pudding while dressed in thong bikinis, one woman from this era was even forced to strip and bark like a dog.

Hell, the Attitude era was popular around the same time trashy shock value pop culture was equally popular, like "The Jerry Springer Show" (which influenced the Attitude era), Ricki Lake and Jenny Jones were popular talk shows, Howard Stern, Tom Green, "Jackass", Marilyn Manson, "South Park" was the most popular adult cartoon on television, and Eminem was at the height of his popularity with his shock value lyrics (including rapping about explaining to his prepubescent daughter how he's gonna murder his wife and dump the body).

And...considering he's British...at the WWF's Capital Carnage in 1998, which was a PPV in his native England, Sable notoriously yanked Jacqueline's shirt off and exposed her breasts to the audience.

If my pro wrestling valet original character did exist in the Attitude era, she'd be a prime example of pop culture being vulgar during the late 90's.