#there are worse afflictions
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Mina, I know that you're not in nearly as dire straits as Jonathan was at the start of his Dracula Attackula period, but you are showing either a heroic or a worrisome amount of Reinforced Optimism (c) for a supposed gothic horror enjoyer.
If you were reading your own character in a book and you got to the closing line, "...though I do not expect any trouble to-night." I know you'd be groaning in place as you chided the paper protagonist for setting herself up for another blow from the Horrors.
And like, I get it. I get that you're scraping below the bottom of the barrel for literally any bright spot in this Hot Girl Summer that's rapidly turning into Lukewarm Grim Summer that isn't the desperately cheery daytrips as you try to scrape off all the death in the air and Jonathan's increasingly frightening absence. I get it!
But Mina. This is your journal, not a dinner guest you have to sugar coat and power-press yourself into palatability for. Allow yourself to worry like a person, here if nowhere else, and not strangle yourself down into an interviewee for Best Unpaid Sleepwalker Minder.
It's a nitpicky thing, I know, but it's also so much more easy to worry about after hearing the words out loud with the podcast. That immediate turn around from witnessing the worst case scenario with Lucy in the night to 'All's well! :)' mode by the next evening. As though there's no showing weakness except in the aftermath of panic, even to her own private diary. It makes me so worried for the writer.
#and again this also swings back to the gender flip of roles with her and Jonathan#where Jonno was onto the Horrors and their worse-than-deadly reality from practically Day 1#Mina is (tragically) showing signs of Disbelieving Boyfriend/Husband Syndrome that afflicts so many horror film couples#this when her mental alarm bells are ringing day and night#mina murray#dracula#re: dracula#dracula daily
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you know how really cheap chips and cookies taste vaguely like cardboard and sawdust respectively? unfortunately i love that. they're distinct tastes like umami to me.
#can't feel too smug about knowing how to use spices in my food and not liking boiled potato with only salt#because yeah sure no i don't have that particular dutch affliction#however. this one is probably worse#i loveee when things taste like they can't possibly be entirely edible and also like they were dry stored in a bunker for 20 years 🤤#mmm oily cardboard 🤤
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falling - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
PART ONE - DAY ONE
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9
PART TWO - MONTH ONE (Or Maybe Month Two, Or Three)
Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14 | Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18
PART THREE - A YEAR (Or So)
Ch 19 | Ch 20 | Ch 21 | Ch 22 | Ch 23 | Ch 24 | ??
A Modern AU take on Tommy's immediate return from military service, and the period between his demobilisation and the start of S1.
(Tags shall be progressively updated)
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Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Tommy Shelby/Freddie Thorne, Arthur Shelby, Polly Grey, Ada Shelby, John Shelby, Johnny Dogs, Various Lees, John Shelby's Children, Zhang, S1E1 Red Dust Girl, Sergeant Moss | Alternative Universe, Modern AU (ish), No iPhones (yet), Awkwardness, Age Difference, Disassociation, Miscommunication, Banter, Fast Food Vendor of your Choice, Pre-Season, Past Trauma, Flirting, Have I Met You Before, Heckling, Cars, Drug Use, Past Childhood Trauma, Mrs Shelby Lives, Gender Role Dynamics, Small Neighbourhoods, Past Greta Jurossi, Brotherly Dynamics, Sibling Dynamics, Class Issues, Attraction, Casual Sex, Car Sex, Military Transition Program, Wilful Medical Noncompliance, Melodrama, Illegal Bookmaking, 90s Fashion, 2000s Fashion, Slow Reveal, Slow Burn, Coming Home, Dysfunctional Family, Lasting Legacy of Catholicism, Bad SMS Etiquette, Gang Activity, Domesticity, Booty Call, Guilt, Shame, So Much Marijuana, Arms Dealing, Crimes & Criminals, Ill Informed Economic Theorising, Wanking, Ethnicity, Stereotyping
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#my writing#peaky blinders#peaky blinders fanfic#lol smack in the middle of age gap discourse; i did write this outline in may so it's not intended to be topical but just landed that way#anyway one day i might write on the frustration that with the binary currently afflicting fandom#narratives considering age difference only seems to mean one was a minor and one wasn't (this is not the case in PB)#but i do feel there is an age difference between t and l large enough to be consistent with t and ada.with lizzie and ada an age cohort.#areas of narrative interest in age difference: generational thinking differences; how and when power moves between one and the other;#substitution; reliving lost experiences; experience inversion (elder knows less than younger); what else it adds to fluid dynamics;#also: compounding interest wealth (younger) versus who was old enough to buy property before housing demand exceeded supply by 400% (elder)#<- economics and fiscal status very important stuff re: age difference narratives#my theorising on Lizzie's age hinges on when the timeline made sense for young!Mosley to have 'visited' Lizzie and how I could make it wors#nothing to do with tommy or canon alas. only with making *every* interaction with mosley worse so much worse worse worse#also of considerable narrative interest considering an au: the way age and age cohorting is considered so differently in different eras
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oh my god
#i say this every time but the healing process of a tattoo SUCKS#the itchiness is about to have me throwing my head against the wall numerous times#i have afflicted myself with pain so many times aka just smacking the hell out of my arm andddd IT IS NEVER ENOUGH#i’m about to recreate 127 hours where james franco chops off of his arm#annnnd it doesn’t help that i wanna pick at the flaking#i won’t but just know the temptation is there#i can distract myself but only up to a point and im at THAT POINT#this is worse than getting the tattoo itself i swear
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God its so annoying talking to kids who don't smoke.
#smoke weed but whatever#hearing them call me a drug addict for smoke my vape once a day at the very end of my day#like lol. lmao even.#talking about their pain afflicted mother who takes too many pain pills as if shes not suffering#talking about her ocd in such a dog shit way and then heart heart heart heart heart about her fav characters with ocd#how her mom hurts herself worse when she takes pain pills cause it doesnt hurt and. etc etc etc#and i GET they have their perspective but as a weed smoking chronic pain ocd. it always sucks. and i knooooowww you think your mommy failed#but tbh its sooo <3333#burning
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Everything makes me want to drive a bunch of large steel arrows through my skull
#having a dysfunctional family is an affliction worse than many#witnessing and feeling like i need to deal with dysfunction in other parts of life at th same time#makes my body ache
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@strdstd replied to your post:
{...Pyro Boothill thinkings are being thunked-}
👀
#strdstd#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//This idea has reached you so now I raise: WHAT IF THIS CONCEPT BUT APPLY IT TO KHAENRI'AHNS#//What of part of the immortality curse is the fact that they can get torn apart/killed; and no matter how brutal; they just#//CANNOT die#//And suffer every moment through the revival process#//Shit like Halfdan in the Chasm is actually a mercy bc they've been freed from that terrible cycle#//but ye#//Thinkings of Dain just#//Heckin SUFFERING every time he gets slaughtered during a bout with a Herald/Lector#//And as he's wheezing that telltale rattle of a dying breath; he bleakly knows he's just gonna have to get up and keep fighting#//he will NEVER know peace#//And curses his own existence as his vision fades; knowing he will experience the trauma and sweet release of death only BRIEFLY#//Before he will inevitably snap awake in agony and have to bear it until every wound is healed and he is 'whole' again#//Knowing more of his body will prolly have been afflicted with Abyssal energy in the process#//Each 'death' and 'revival' making him more and more afflicted with it each and every time as it keeps thinking it needs to 'fix' its host#//Which is worse for him over most Khaenri'ahns considered he's so entrenched and exposed to such energy in his fight#//...or is that too dark kjdkgfg#//Okay adding to this bc I realized I veered lol#//BH gaining that sort of ability with a Pyro Vision is GOD TIER#//Bc can you imagine him dying for the first time with it#//And feeling such terrible FEAR all he's done is for naught; his family will go unavenged#//Only for the Instant the darkness closes on him; he feels such horrible AGONY and snaps back awake with a gasp#//He's still himself with his cyborg body; but he's ALIVE and RESTORED before his deathwound even if a lil banged up#//And each subsequent 'death' only serves to make him more and more reckless as he realizes he ain't got nothin to lose#//Tumbling further into the self-dehumanizing as seeing himself & his body as nothing more than a means to an end#//Bc now more than ever he 'doesn't matter' nor does worrying abt going 'too far' and 'self-destructing'#//Not realizing each 'death' is actually traumatizing him in the long run; no matter how cool he tries to play it#//Worse still if each 'death' leaves those very killing wounds marked on his body as reminders#//And each subsequent revival only tires him out more than more (bc it must rlly take a LOT of out him)
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the what disease
oh god am i getting old already? are the kids not using hanahaki disease for angst anymore???
#ok uh. it's a fictional disease where the person afflicted will cough up flower petals as a result of one sided love#and it can be removed via surgery but the feelings for the other person will be removed as well#for some depictions it gets worse the longer it goes on. like. coughing up whole flowers or just getting more dangerous to leave untreated#but idk if that's a core part of it#anyway i've been hearing lately that's actually NOT the original intention and hanahaki disease was SUPPOSED to be developed by-#-suppressed feelings instead#but i haven't really heard like. a real source on that. so idk if it's true#bri talks
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these two drawings were made months apart but i realized just now they’re kind of like a before and after so i’m posting them together here
basically just some more stuff of my oc nine, they have witnessed the horrors and then they came to terms with the horrors (and depending on when i finish it soon there’s gonna be another drawing where they are in peace with the horrors <3)
#splatoon#splatoon octo expansion#splatoon octoling#splatoon oc#splatoon2#splatoon3#scars#sanitization#it sure is spooky tbh. the whole process is just. very scary to me and i feel like not a lot of people think about the after effects n such#for my guy specificall is really strong brain fog for the first few months plus just having almost constant headaches#that last one specifically based on my own. headache affliction. never fully goes away just gets better or worse depedning on the day#sorry for projecting my own afflictions onto little cephalopods but. woe! joint problems headaches and brain fog be upon ye boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!#boy in a methaphorical sense the gender is of the not binaries just like me. i like talking about this guy i should make a doc or something#whegh#octoling#yeay#eye trauma#sort of#putting that there just in case#11feetabove
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Please Let The Emperor Be Romance-Able, I'm BEGGING.
#bg3#the emperor#I've been hot for mindflayer since early access man y'all are being spared the worse of my affliction
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my department is apparently no longer hybrid, but “on-site with ad-hoc remote work”. i’m just gonna see how long i can get away with ignoring that
#txt#i do have an accommodation that says i can wfh when i have a migraine.#but when i was asking for the accommodation i guesstimated that that’d intersect with my in-person days like once or twice a month.#i do absolutely need to have the option to wfh multiple times per week.#but getting an accommodation for THAT is going to be way more difficult. bc it’s not JUST migraines‚ it’s a combination of my various psych#afflictions and not-properly-diagnosed chronic pain *and* the complex whole-body rube goldberg pain machine that is my chronic migraines.#it’s not necessarily ‘i will be in unbearable pain if i do this’.#it’s ‘i will be perpetually drained and my low-level pain will be worse snd i will have no life outside of work and recuperating from work’.#it’s also weird that they’re ending hybridhood *now*.#it’s not like we’re at a particular milestone in pandemic recovery. although our admin did mention entering a ‘busy period’.#it’s not even necessary lmao. we get by fine. we get by BETTER when we’re not all there.#oh man. i just realized. everyone being on-site is gonna make the autism/anxiety so much worse.#i honestly think this policy shift might be related to me.#bc our program director started emphasizing the importance of being onsite on x days… shortly after i started working hybrid‚ but had to wfh#on some of those days#for disability reasons.#anyway. government pleeeaaase give my old lab more money so i can go back. pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaazeeeee#edited
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azures sense of humor 🫶🏻😘
#memorie.txt#barely making sense but mostly thinking abt him deadpan going ‘i’m very frightened of heights. it’s only gotten worse the taller i’ve grown#chrysi always rolls her eyes at that but also she loves him so fucking much#i love the idea of azure deadpan joking to alice—who takes all his jokes at face vslue#like she’s sitting there like ‘that is a very unfortunate fear azure!! you’re so tall!! 😰😰😰’#and azure always nods very somberly. yes what a horrible affliction i have. tragic isn’t it?#chrysi’s standing behind him like ‘god i love him but i can’t do this.’ (<- fantasizing abt having a child w him)#s.chryzure
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I want to go outside and find wildlife and go hiking and cook elaborate meals and go birdwatching and go on day trips and make things and reorganize my house but it feels like I'm trapped in a meat prison that can only charge up to 10% battery
#the soul wants but the body cannot provide#it's like i gather the intent to do something and i tell my body to follow through#but it starts shutting down like you gave a high effort command to a barely powered robot#it's like being afflicted with the malaise and fatigue of the flu without being sick#i know i've struggled with having the energy to do things in the past but it feels like it's gotten so much worse recently#and my mental health is also so much worse than it was just a few months ago#i don't know what's wrong. it feels like something inside of me broke but i don't know what it is#i made a doctor's appointment to get some blood tests done because this really doesn't feel right#it's so vague but it feels like something is terribly wrong with me
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Me, a fool: oh I will warm up for artfight a little before I get started today
Me, hours later: oops all cowboy
#doodles#billy#firmament#www#i cant get affliction looking Grody enough but i got it kindddda of close im not happy enough with it to put it in the chat but#ill dump it here#moments before disater to years post#thats kind of just practice on 'this is the same guy but in drastically different environments and mentall stated“#and then The Silly#i did do a bunch of preliminary sketches to finish at work tomorrow though. hopefully i can get my ratio back up#drawing on my bed is hard but also my desk is worse so *shrug*
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Okay so, my one question is… name three movies that you could watch over and over again without ever getting tired of them? 🎬
alright so I’m honestly a romcom girlie so I think it’s the same answer it’s been for the last decade (I have yet to find ones that make me feel as at ease as these do):
- the holiday
- 10 things I hate about you
- notting hill
which I’m sure can’t be a surprise DNNDDN but we like what we like (used to be prisoner of azkaban too but the bitch did ruin that a bit for me sadly)
#also…. like. I come from a very media oriented uni experience which means that#well. you have this thing where you all watch all the Good Movies#like the indie ones the Oscar winning ones the ones that Mean Something and for the longest time I was like#ashamed of my romcom afflictions snsnsnsnsn#that’s not to say I faked it with the movies we watched I enjoy those a lot as well but for Different Reasons#I watch those differently#the thing is that my brain is a very anxious place and can come up with things much worse than any horror movie will ever do#or any thought provoking movie that will fuck me up for a week#a lot of the time I need the exact opposite I need my brain to shut the FUCK up#so for that I just enjoy watching feelgood/romcoms most because it reminds me there’s Good things#and will watch them over and over and over again for that safe feeling I inherently lack sometimes#you know?#first time I am explaining that out loud but eh snsnsns
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thinking about how back in 2019 I started drinking chamomile tea because it was dimitris favorite he's had so much impact on my life its not even funny anymore
#you would never be able to tell i actually married ashe on my first playthrough#i fear i may be afflicted with something far worse than autism
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