#there are times when it is genuinely unsafe for me (and other people) to engage with the topic

[mortal-ethos]

I've found that other queer people genuinely don't understand that masc, trans masc people, and trans men struggle with this excessively. Once hegemonic cis people find out you're trans, they rarely treat you the same. You are instantly viewed as a guy with a vagina/a hysterical woman. You are seen only as your genitalia or as mentally ill.

I can't enter many lesbian spaces anymore because they don't see me as a lesbian and they don't care to. Because I can "pass" as a man in my everyday life from HRT, though any possible benefits I get up from that are devalued by how afraid I am everyday. By knowing that the minute someone learns I'm trans, I'm worth less than I was before.

I can't enter gay male spaces (well I'm not a gay man but I know many other gay trans men and trans mascs have struggled with this) because I'm a fucking fetish to many of them and they don't see me as an equal because so many gay men are fucking sexist for some fucking reason.

I can't enter many trans spaces because they only talk about trans women and don't want to hold space for trans mascs, or are dismissive of our issues, or sometimes literally forget we exist.

I've seen so many trans masc people get misgendered constantly in online trans spaces because EVERYONE FORGETS THAT NOT ALL TRANS PEOPLE ARE WOMEN.

I'm not safe in male spaces because I have to perform masculinity that fucking isn't who I am in order to be safe. I have to hide who I am and sometimes lie about who I am in order to keep myself safe.

I have to vet any place I go to extensively online beforehand if I know I will have to be shirtless or possibly using a public locker room or restroom. And many times I just decide not to risk it and I don't go. This includes the gym, public pools, amusement parks, beaches, etc.

Many trans masc people need to wear packers, yes often for dysphoria, but also for safety and there's a reason why many packers say they can pass the "squeeze test." Because transphobes have come up to trans masc people and sexually assaulted them so many times trying to "prove" that they're trans.

When I got my degree, in my final WGS class, I had to out myself as trans because all the other women in the class actively would not engage in discussion with me anytime I tried. Only after I came out in fucking class did they start to respond to me, because I was close enough to a woman to be allowed an opinion. Note, I am nonbinary but transitioned physically and socially and I present male because of my masculine gender expression. I am not bothered and do at times identify with being a woman, my problem is I was alienated for my gender expression and had to out myself in order to not be.

Fuck I CANT EVEN GO TO PLACES FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS BECAUSE OF THIS.

In order for us to be seen and heard within these communities that we were previously extremely connected to and still feel that connection even as others sever it, we need to often possibly put ourselves in an unsafe position (as other people feel way too fucking comfortable with telling everyone they know that you're trans now) and explain ourselves fully (through not only personal history but also your fucking medical history) while others don't in order to be seen and heard - in order to connect with the communities that we never fucking left. It's the same thing like when parents say their "daughter/son died." I've always fucking been here, and I'm here now, just as the person I've ALWAYS BEEN. The person you accepted at the start but just didn't fucking see. And now you still refuse to see us.

Transmasc transition often involves so much loss of community. Especially if you already were in feminist or queer spaces before your transition. It's not true that we gain relevant social status within patriarchial structures by transitioning (if patriarchy supported the choices of those who they see as women to be anything other than a wife and a mother/to transgress gender-norms we wouldn't have to have most of these conversations) but we do noticeably lose social status within our own community. And along with that access to safe-spaces and ressources that we need for physical and emotional safety and well-being.

[brokendownhearse]

i am literally begging people to tag their posts about palestine/isreal

[pommunist]

Thoughts on Quackity’s stream

Q saying that he’s doing the stream in english instead of spanish and saying it’s because people were upset that the previous statements were in spanish. Obviously I’d like for him to speak about these important things in the language of his choice, but I feel like he misunderstood that the issue most people had was actually not the language but the lack of subtitles + official translation. And this issue still stands when he speaks english btw.

Now, and I believe that’s all that need to be said about this : Anyone who goes out of their way to spread Q’s personal information and/or uses it to threaten and harass him are proper freaks and I will never stand for that. I’m sorry that he is fearing for his safety, no one deserves to go through that.

I know that there are many people who perceived him stepping down from his position as a way to avoid his responsibilities and I can definitely see where they’re coming from but I personally see it as a good thing. Obviously because safety comes first and if taking a step back can stop him from being put in harm’s way, absolutely a great decision. And also because this may allow people who are more capable of handling this position to be put in charge.

I’m also glad that he’s taking actions against the people who were misusing his funds and who enforced a toxic work environment. We don’t know anything about these people so I won’t talk much about it but I hope they face the consequences of their actions.

Also good that it was clarified that that one problematic person has not been involved with the project, I think everyone is relieved to know that someone unsafe was not a part of it. Although, while he was right to warn people not to spread misinformation (this is true for everything btw do your research !), I don’t like how he said to be mindful about the intentions of people who raised the question, because a lot of them had genuine concern about it being a possibility and this could have been a very serious and dangerous thing if it had been true.

It’s good that he acknowledged that he didn’t properly address the issue of xenophobia against brazilians the first time and apologised for it. However I don’t like how he took the time to address that it was specifically brazilians who were being targeted, but didn’t address that it was mostly his own community who was responsible for it, which led to another wave of hate and bigotry towards brazilian fans on twitter. However I’m not brazilian myself and it’s only up to them wether they choose to accept his apology or not.

He talked about how he is usually a private person regarding these situations and to be honest I’ve always admired the fact that he doesn’t engage publicly with drama. Drama, except this isn’t drama, it goes way beyond what this word means.

Him saying he was ready to handle it privately but that it was made public before that is just so hypocritical to me, because we know from the many admins statements that they had tried to bring attention internally to some of the problems but it was either ignored, or actually impossible from them to have communication with the higher hierarchy. So saying what he said just puts the blame on the admins who came out with their stories for this whole situation taking the proportions it has taken.

And great that he’s saying that there has been some restructuring made within the team, and hopefully these changes will only leave the studios with competent people who are good intentioned towards everyone involved. I won’t like though, I fail to see how asking for everyone’s feedback and taking it into account to make these changes wasn’t an option. Also the fact that this restructuring ended up causing them to massively letting go of all the twitter teams as well as some other admins is still an issue.

Like he can deny that he purposefully put his stories above those of other ccs, say that he does have passion for the project and was involved in its creative development, which I’m not trying to imply he’s lying about btw, but not address the main issue of the admins situation ? Not a word about or for them ? But instead you use your plateform to talk about your role in the lore knowing these are talking points discussed by the admins and community. What good does that do except for your own image ? What do you think your fans are going to do if not go and harass the people who have made these claims ? Meanwhile people will discuss these topics that are so far removed from the main issue and focus less on what the admins went through.

I’m not saying this was intentional, I’m not saying he’s directly guilty of any disgusting behaviour that some of his fans are guilty of, but as an influencer with an audience as large as his is, you have a certain responsibility to try your best to prevent these things happening.

If you think I’m exaggerating, that it couldn’t be that bad, just know that since the stream :

Admins who spoke up are receiving hate again and Léa is getting the worst of it as you can imagine. Like I mentioned before, there has been a resurgence of xenophobic tweets against the brazilian community. French qsmptwt accounts and others who took a stance for the admins are also being insulted/harassed again. Léa, Lumi (Pomme admin) and Shade (Dapper admin) have all had some of their private info leaked. There has even been a call to mass report Nat_Ali’s, the streamer who conducted Lea’s interview, twitch channel.

—————

And because still he didn’t do it and I want to end on a positive note, some thanks are in order

Twitter admins, thank you for making every stream accessible to everyone, allowing us to follow what went on when we could watch and to rewatch the best moments. Thank you for adding your own comments to the clips, and for making all the funny memes, you gave a heart to these accounts. Thank you as well for being the ones to collect fanarts for the museum, for giving many people an opportunity to appreciate the wonderful talent of the community.

Writers, thank you for coming up with such amazing and intriguing stories, and making us pull our hair out theorising about them ! I wish you were given the space and creative freedom to develop them more and make them flourish.

Roleplayers, thank you for having done such a wonderful job giving life to all these characters I hope you know how deeply they are loved by us the viewers. Mentions spéciales : Lumi, merci pour Pomme, merci pour avoir représenté notre pays, notre langue et notre culture pendant tout ce temps, on aurait pas pu rêver d’une meilleure ambassadrice 🍎♥️. Léa merci pour tout ton travail, tes illustrations, tes personnages, et aussi toutes tes refs purement fr ahah. Merci et bravo d’avoir osé parler surtout, on est avec toi 🐰💓.

Thanks to all the builders, devs, artists, translators, sound designers, everyone who has been a star in the qsmp constellation and has worked to make it such a great time for us viewers.

[rwbyrg]

Am I alone in feeling mostly relieved our side of the FNDM is as small as it is? Of course, I'm not opposed to any new fresh meat coming in to join the fun, but at the same time, I think the scale of the RG corner kinda means we have less weirdos, and more genuinely talented and passionate people carrying on creativity for the other half to enjoy. Something something limitations breed creativity.

While I don't think you're alone in feeling how you do, I do not feel the same way... because I, myself, am a weirdo. Sorry. 😳 nah but fr, i know this ask is probably harmless and well intended, but I'm not keen on this way of thinking.

There are a lot more rg supporters than it seems. Most of them just don't engage with it publicly because of how unsafe the fandom landscape is these days; and that makes me sad. i can't count the number of people that said me or others being vocal about the ship finally made them feel comfortable enough to post about it. can't count how many more left the community because the harassment and lack of support just became too much to handle.

which is also part of the reason why I'm not keen on separating people into a "weird vs. normal" or "us vs. them" mindset.

Weirdness, talent, and passion, are not mutually exclusive of each other. Plenty of very skilled creatives have strange interests, make weird art, write inappropriate stories, or have been harmful to others. A person's artistic skill or creativity is not an indicator of their integrity, morality, or actions behind closed doors. That train of thinking is a very slippery slope, and I'm speaking from experience here when i say it can hurt you and people within your community if you're not careful.

I'm a weirdo to people who don't engage with fandom for having a blog dedicated to two fictional characters. I'm a weirdo to antis because those characters happen to be rg (which makes us weirdos-in-arms, dear anon 😘). I'm a weirdo to other rg shippers for not shipping it the same way they do. I'm close friends with a few creatives here, and on bad terms with a few others. Most of them are weirdos in one way or another. Some are kindhearted, earnest, and lovely individuals that have been cancelled, called out, and harassed for the most vanilla, harmless, and ordinary things you can imagine. Others, despite their talent, are assholes whom you could not pay me to be in the same "room" with again. And those jerks have and do say the same things of me in their own spaces.

If anything, I think these sorts of mentalities are the reason there are so few of us here in this little garden. We're treated like the blacksheep of the FNDM at large. We're unwelcome, ostracized, and chased out of most general spaces even when we aren't doing anything wrong. And because of that, these narratives and pressures around being "normal" or "one of the good ones" seeps into our spaces and only divides us all further.

Weirdness is subjective, people all have their own quirks, and being in fandom wasn't even considered "normal" until very recently. So, as far as I'm concerned, so long as you're not hurting anyone, we're all weird here.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Honestly, I just wish there was more nuance - I can't trust most accounts with any proship labels because there's either this end of the stick where it's anticensorship and having the awareness of anti-contact, but then there are people with harmful paraphernalias that aren't just coping/healing, but actively indulging in and grooming others into contact (ie. Pedophiles/"MAPS", Zoophiles, etc. (every time I see a young teenager with proship labels, I intensely fear for their safety because I do not know what they're engaging with, only that it could potentially be harmful for them)

I'm in support of uncensored fiction and I myself enjoy darkfic as well as use it to cope in some forms, but it also requires a lot of intent and awareness of one's audience. It's the glorification of harmful paraphernalias that puts me off, the unsafe environments targeted towards younger audiences. No adult is responsible for a child's safety on the internet aside from that child's parents, but as adults, we should also be aware of when we are sharing a space heavily populated by children/minors.

I'm sorry if this comes across as preachy or rambly, honestly this is just the first blog I've seen of this kind and it feels like a safe space to voice these things I typically don't feel comfortable stating for fear of backlash on either side.

I suppose it's also just a sensitive spot for me because I was once a 10yr old on the internet without proper supervision (no one's fault but my parents, I don't expect adults on the internet to constantly cater towards children, I cannot stress that enough - but also I was 10 and I couldn't safely look up "My Little Pony" or "Pokemon") and I was groomed into a lot of harmful communities under the guise of "pro" anything.

Thank you for the space to speak on this, and I genuinely hope I made sense in expressing my thoughts, concerns, and reasons as to being distrustful of proship/profic/proparaphernalia labels

The downside of the internet and online communities is that unfortunately, there are no communities that are 100% safe. Which is why it's so, so important for adults to teach the children around them internet safety at a young age, so that they don't end up in messy situations. Because yes, there certainly are children here, but not everything needs to be child-friendly. But that still doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to find a functional balance and ensure both online and off that everyone knows to safely navigate the internet.

[circular-bircular]

Why I Do This.

This post is clearly due to another post in the tags. However, I will not be replying to or linking the post as the user in question just genuinely wants to be left alone.

However, given the popularity recently of people coming into syscoursers inboxes to dictate what is and isn't healthy, I really wanted to answer their (what I'm thinking is completely rhetorical) question.

Why do we do this?

I first entered syscourse 6 years ago as a pro-endo. I was pro-endo because I was in denial about my trauma and actively could not remember most of it. I got... incredibly fucking traumatized by that, blocked a lot out. I went full tilt the other direction in my beliefs out of traumatized protection of the self, and then eventually evened out, and now I"m pro-endo but slightly less annoying about it.

Syscourse absolutely hurt me. I'm vocal about that. And sometimes, yes, it is incredibly exhausting. (That's why I take breaks, and yes, believe it or not, I do take them!)

I've stuck around, because for the first time in my life, I could see the impact my words had on the world. I could change people's minds.

Have I made missteps? Obviously -- who hasn't? Lord knows I have said some frankly ridiculous shit. Lord knows I have screamed myself hoarse in a triggered rage. But... Frankly, when's the last time that happened? The last big Triggered State I remember from online things was sometime in September. It's now January of a new year, and I am feeling far better, despite still participating in syscourse.

Why engage in these meaningless fights? What's the point?

You're a nihilist, a pessimist, or you're just struggling right now to see the good in the world. Regardless of the reason, these aren't fights, and they aren't meaningless. Or, at least, they shouldn't be.

I'm not fighting over here. I'm flourishing and sharing with open arms and a vulnerable heart. I share my trauma and experiences online, knowing it could damage me, because I know how badly I needed to see someone with these experiences when I was first discovering my system. I discuss the ableism that affects me to further clarify ideas for those who are attempting to make the world a less ableist place, who unintentionally say ableist things. And other people tell me when I am unintentionally ableist, and I learn, and I grow.

And so many other people in these tags aren't fighting, either. @traumascumathena @sysmedsaresexist @artisticdysfunction @hiiragi7 @system-of-a-feather @greens-spilled-tea @mournfall-syscourse and more that aren't coming to the front of my mind at the moment. These people aren't trying to fight. They're trying to spread information about the topics they know and are passionate about. I've watched these people learn and grow with me, and they have helped me change.

And then there are those who are fighting for their lives, fighting just to exist online, regardless of system type. The amount of shit people need to block and brace themselves for, just to exist, just to see -- but well, I assume OP knows that, seeing as they appear to be one of those systems themselves. You cannot enter system spaces at the moment without bracing for a fight, and that isn't going to change unless we do something about it -- unless we work together to correct misinfo and collectively work on being less ableist.

It is absolutely okay to feel unsafe around those who are in the syscourse tags. There's a reason people have syscourse DNIs and try to avoid syscourse. It's absolutely fair to try and avoid it.

But keep in mind that the people that are there aren't all the horrific fakeclaiming assholes that only seek to hate. There are people who genuinely enjoy being in this space, no matter how exhausting, because they can help people. I don't distrust people who find their passions exhausting, and yet still participate in those passions.

I know it's scary. I know this world is a horrific place for us. But I want to make the world better. I want to grow and see the world grow with me.

That's why I do this.

[nickeverdeen]

Hiiii, I’m a huge fan of your work!! I was hoping I could get an Arcane matchup?

About me:

I’m Female, bisexual, but don’t really care for pronouns. I dress more on the feminine side when going out, but dress very masculine when I’m home or with people I’m comfortable with. I’m Enfp, but often take a lot of alone time to myself, and struggle with some social anxiety. I often deflect a lot with humour, especially if it’s my own issues/traumas, and I hate talking about vulnerable feelings with others, but I’m an overall open person with anything else. I’ve been told i give good advice, and I’m always willing to help a friend, although I have a bad habit of going M.I.A. Or just not talking or hanging out with people for periods of time. (Sometimes I forget, I’m kind of like a cat?? I come and go) I usually dress feminine to look nice because I grew up learning that self image is very important, so I often feel pressured to look nice whether for respect or how I’m perceived, but I feel most comfortable in casual and masculine clothes. (I feel like I’m wearing a costume or not myself when wearing very femme clothes most of the time, but sometimes I like the way it looks)

My hobbies include Drawing, writing, and reading, but I’m also academically gifted, but hate studying. I have adhd, depression and ptsd, which probably is why I’ll sometimes go m.i.a. I also have really bad issues with intimacy and attachment, but I’m working on it lol. I like annoying and teasing those I’m close to, and debates/arguing with friends.

Also, despite my generally lax and carefree attitude/front I know when I need to get serious, especially for others. Currently I’ve had to step up for my family and take care of the house and my siblings while my dad works most of the day because of some recent events a few months ago (basically a step in parent). I also struggle a lot with feeling selfish or like I’m not doing enough to help my family.

Sorry if this was a lot lol. Thank you!!

Sour Arcane match is…

Caitlyn Kiramman

Caitlyn’s composed and steady nature would provide a grounding presence in your life, helping you navigate your social anxiety and moments of self-doubt

She’d constantly remind you to take breaks from your responsibilities, even scheduling quiet evenings together where you both unwind with tea and a good book

Caitlyn would adore your teasing nature and would often respond with witty comebacks that leave you grinning

She’d completely understand your need to go M.I.A. sometimes, leaving you space but still checking in with thoughtful messages like, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

Caitlyn would love seeing you comfortable in your masculine clothes when you’re at ease, but she’d also admire the effort you put into dressing more femme when going out

She’d compliment you either way, often saying, “You look stunning no matter what you wear.”

Caitlyn would quietly observe you drawing or writing, fascinated by the way your mind works

She’d often ask questions or request to read your work, genuinely appreciating your creativity

She’d enjoy engaging in debates with you, finding your perspective both challenging and refreshing

She’d occasionally let you win just to see your smug grin, though she’d never admit it

Caitlyn would carefully and patiently help you navigate your discomfort with vulnerability, creating a safe space for you to open up at your own pace

She’d surprise you with little acts of care, like fixing you tea while you’re writing, tidying up when you’re busy, or even bringing flowers after a tough day

You two would often share quiet, intimate talks under the stars, where Caitlyn listens attentively to your thoughts and feelings

Caitlyn would admire your dedication to your family and would want to help wherever she can, even if it’s just lending a listening ear about your struggles

Though Caitlyn is gentle with you, her fierce protective side would surface if anyone made you feel unsafe or disrespected

She wouldn’t hesitate to stand up for you

Caitlyn would take subtle inspiration from your artistic side, often asking you to teach her how to draw or write

She’d be terrible at first but would enjoy the bonding experience

Caitlyn would match your humor with her own understated wit, enjoying the way your laugh lights up the room

Your favorite dates would involve visiting cozy bookstores or art galleries together, holding hands and sharing thoughts about what you see

Caitlyn would gently push you to confront the guilt you feel about being “selfish,” reminding you that prioritizing yourself isn’t a bad thing

On rainy days, you’d find comfort cuddling on the couch, Caitlyn’s arms wrapped around you as you listen to music or watch something lighthearted

Your sarcastic jokes would keep her on her toes, and she’d always be ready with a clever retort

Caitlyn would admire your ability to step up when needed, seeing in you a kindred spirit who values responsibility and care for others

No matter how much you doubt yourself or pull away, Caitlyn would remain a steadfast presence in your life, reminding you of your worth through her actions and words

[dandyshucks]

update on stuff (cw abuse i guess)

hi sorry for serious post but again things keep looking like they're going to get better and then they somehow get Worse instead.

tl;dr my brother will be moving in for a bit, and this disrupts the one space i have in the entire goddamn world where i can relax even a little bit, so I probably will not be around for. a while. unless i figure out how to cope enough to get out of survival mode so i can like... have fun.

brother will be moving in for an undetermined amount of time (hopefully just for a month, but it is hard to find places to rent in town so I feel like it may be longer than just one month). he'll be moving into my section of the basement, and I guess my stress is a little bit my fault because my parents have always told me I should be constantly ready for any siblings to move back home at any moment just in case, but unfortunately I kind of let my guard down on that one so this is hitting me badly.

as scary and unsafe as this hell house is, my section of the basement is literally the One place in the whole fucking world where i've been able to feel like I can just. rest. to some degree. because I do not have to be On and Masking and Hiding Myself from others (because nobody is around when i'm down here usually). so that "safe space" will be taken away from me (this sounds ungrateful and bratty, sorry, i do not know how to word it better and maybe i am being bratty and ungrateful idk) and i will ... have no space to just. let my guard down even a little bit. i can't even go for walks alone like I used to because of wildlife becoming a safety issue around our house.

anyways. sorry this is way more info than i need to give probably but i'm struggling to put any of this into words at all so... shrugs uncomfortably. i am going to step away from here for a bit bc i'm genuinely afraid I'm going to go into some kind of episode and I don't want to freak people out. also I literally cannot do anything Fun rn because i just feel so fucking scared and cut off from reality, so even though the stuff on this blog is literally a coping mechanism, i'm far below the mental ability to engage in that level of coping. the coping we're looking at rn is like... breathing and pacing and huddling and methodical cleaning for the sake of keeping myself from falling apart.

i want to end off with my usual "oh well! life goes on! just gotta keep trucking forward!" type of thing but to be entirely honest i just dont have it in me to do that rn. this also might sound really stupidly dramatic and I am sorry if it comes off that way - there is a lot of abuse and trauma that I do not talk about and will not talk about that is contributing to how this feels for me. i'll do my best to stay safe and all, and again I really do apologize for like. posting any of this. I think part of me wants to reach out somewhere for attention but also I do genuinely just want to sort of ... explain why I'll very likely be disappearing for a while. and as we know i am the rambling rambler and overexplainer :'''')))

[toyhou-se-drama]

Heyo, I’m the anon who said they had a history with Redla. I want to reiterate that it IS possible to have an interest in vore that is genuinely completely nonsexual. For some people, the gratification is purely emotional. People who insist that it’s always a sexual fetish and imply that people who claim to enjoy it nonsexually are lying for malicious reasons really bother me. It’s like someone preferring to eat ice cream from a bowl and someone else saying “Actually, you prefer to eat ice cream from a cone. That’s the way most people like ice cream, therefore it’s how you like ice cream.” It’s invalidating and just plain rude. Just because the way someone enjoys something doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean their experiences are invalid.

HOWEVER! NON-SEXUAL DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN SFW, AND NSFW DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN SEXUAL. THIS is the issue here that Redla isn’t recognizing. Alcohol isn’t sexual, but it is still unsafe to give to children.

Due to the extreme difficulty in untangling the tightly interwoven sexual and non-sexual segments of the community, allowing minors to engage with ANY part of the community is a horrible idea. Like Redla, I was a minor in the tumblr vore community, and was put in danger because of it. I say this from a place of many years of experience. I have seen a lot, and have heard this exact discourse play out many times. I followed Redla’s blog, and shared her opinions for a long time. It absolutely destroyed my sense of boundaries, and I was only shocked out of it in my very late teens by ostracization from my peers over the issue.

I do not believe Redla is a groomer, or is trying to fetish mine at the expense of minors. I believe she has genuinely good intentions, but is extremely irresponsible, willfully ignorant, and extremely stubborn. She is so caught up in the impossible goal of wanting to codify nonsexual vore as its own separate thing that she is either unable or unwilling to take into account the comfort and wellbeing of others.

I will also say that the blog people are digging through is very old, and much of the content posted there dates back to when she was a minor. Her ideology is clearly held on a very deep level. Dogpiling her and accusing her of being a groomer of fetish miner will only make things worse. What she needs is to be deprogrammed. I have attempted to explain to her in the past the reasons why her behavior is unacceptable, and she completely disregarded what I had to say. I don’t know if it’s possible to change her point of view. From where I’m standing, the only practical solution that those around her can enact is to block her, and remove her from communities where she is a threat or nuisance.

🦫

[words-after-midnight]

I enjoyed your question so much it made me curious so I'm throwing it back to you: what in your WIP would start internet debates if published?

Haha. Can you tell that question was inspired by how I think about this all the time regarding my own WIPs? 😅 Well, two of them in particular, namely Life in Black and White and The Dotted Line.

For Life in Black and White:

The ending and core message will almost certainly be very controversial if the book gets any kind of traction, even just based on the response I've seen to previous books that addressed similar themes and topics. I've tried my best for years to make it come across as intended, but of course, there's only so much I can do. There will be people who will "get it," and people who wildly misinterpret it or approach it with too little nuance (ironic, given that "approaching fundamentally nuanced things without nuance can be dangerous, harmful, and have far-reaching complications" is, like, the core "point" of the story, but I won't get into specifics beyond that because of spoilers).

This story explicitly portrays actual codependency, not the romanticized (and incorrect) version fandom loves to tack onto every mutually obsessive ship. The central dynamic is an ill-defined, intense, and abusive relationship between one person who adopts a permanent caretaker role with regard to the other person, who frequently engages in reckless and unsafe behavior to an extent that is both self-destructive and destructive more generally. The caretaker character has good intentions (you know what they say about those!), but basically loses his entire identity and sense of self in his misguided attempts to care for (read: control) the other character, who does whatever the fuck he wants and is about as "tameable" as a wild dragon. This dynamic is fundamentally cyclical and is only broken when they are separate. If you know anything about libaw, you've probably figured out who I'm talking about. I can only imagine the sheer discourse about their Problematic and Toxic relationship if ever this sees the light of day. I call them trainwreck for a reason!

By the way, that character who allegedly needs to be cared for and protected because, left to his own devices, he just can't help being a living tornado? Yeah, that guy? Main antagonist of the story. Callous, vile, wickedly manipulative, would 100% be either sexualized to hell and back or called "bad queer representation" (among other things) on Tumblr. He is not any of the endearing, hilarious, and/or harmless-looking masks he wears in daily life. He's said and done some absolutely heinous shit. Unfortunately for everyone, the aforementioned caretaker character is WILDLY obsessed with him and thinks he's in love with him. None of these intense romantic feelings are remotely returned, which I expect some readers to understand, while I feel like others will think that there is some particular "special affection" there that Jeff holds for Gabriel and that he just can't express in a "typical" way (I might as well name them, you all know who I'm talking about here), because that's usually how these types of dynamics are written (ie. the "unfeeling" character having one or two close people in their lives they have some genuine affection for).

The exact nature of Jeff's affective disposition will be argued about to shit and probably called "bad representation of neurodivergent people" because he's not a good person - regardless of anything else about him - and displays some aggressive/violent/otherwise unpalatable behavior. He will almost certainly be assumed to be neurodivergent in some way, because it's extremely obvious, but this is why I've never specifically defined or labelled it. I know what he would be labelled as (eg. in a correctional or psychiatric setting), and that's partially what I based my character research on, but I also think labels are just that. They're not an immutable, core aspect of someone, and they're often disputed and debatable. Nuance, right?

I've alluded to this before in previous ask responses, but Jeff experiences a traumatic incident at one point in the story. You see part of his response (which is atypical and not prime-time drama approved), but it's filtered through Gabriel, who is having an overblown vicarious trauma response to this event and handles it extremely poorly, which includes basically making it all about him, because this ridiculous fucking man cannot separate his identity from Jeff to save his damn life (jfc I'm getting heated, lmao). For some people, this will all be completely fine because Jeff is a terrible person, right? Pretty classic Asshole Victim trope going on here. Again, absolutely none of this will pass the social media vibe check.

Speaking of atypical trauma responses: there are several in this story, and I expect to get flack for "unrealistic" or "irresponsible" portrayals of trauma. As in, I have literally seen takes online calling a trauma response I've written an "irresponsible portrayal" in other media, when in fact said response is quite common, just not commonly portrayed. The thing is: if there's one thing I've done in fifteen years of working on this story, it's my fucking research. In some cases I'm also drawing from my own experiences. Most of my characters are trauma survivors to some degree, but I tailor their responses to their characterization. For example: Gabriel lost his mother shortly prior to the beginning of the story, but almost never talks about her or her death, which some may interpret as him being "unaffected" by the loss. Actually, though, Gabriel's grieving process with his mother is functionally identical to mine when my dad passed away at a similar age.

Last but not least (though I'm sure I'm forgetting things): several characters, including Gabriel, have diagnosed mental illnesses, and I don't beat around the bush when it comes to describing the "ugly" symptoms.

For The Dotted Line:

My joking answer is "the whole thing." Like, not literally, but overall it's worse than Life in Black and White when it comes to heavy and controversial.

We've got a realistic American state prison setting in the mid- to late aughts.

We've got a first person narrator with low emotional tone - think A Clockwork Orange. His narrative is like this piece (which is also narrated by him).

We've got a bona fide villain protagonist who is also an incredibly complex character. I try to make you feel conflicted about him on multiple occasions, which I'm sure will go over very well in the world of online discourse.

Not only do we have atypical trauma responses and just mountains of horrific shit that becomes almost mundane given that, again, it's a prison, we get to have all of this filtered by the internal monologue of a guy who lives by his own warped sense of morality, is in warzone mode 24/7, and believes that we live in a world of predators and prey and that "if you play with sharks you can't get all upset about being bitten." Lovely, huh? Can't wait to see how the world wide web dissects this man's behavior and life experiences.

WOW THIS GOT SO LONG AND I'M SORRY, but I'm also not sorry, because this is stuff I think about a lot and it was kind of cathartic to write it out lol.

[aw-tysm]

hi im the anon from before.

to summarize my intentions here: i am wary of you because of how i have been treated in the past by people who post about the same things that you do and im trying to figure out whether or not you are going to be unkind to me if i exist earnestly in your vicinity like other autistic people who are similar to you have in the past.

i was not diagnosed with autism as a kid because my mom refused to have me tested because she didnt want the responsibility of raising a disabled child. she chose to intentionally ignore my impairments, and when she couldnt she made it clear that she thought my disabilities were personal and moral failings on my part. she has been calling me a spaz for so long that i didnt realize it was an ableist slur until i was a grown adult. i have been repeatedly told that being undiagnosed means you are obviously low support needs and nobody seems to be saying otherwise and that feels gross to me because my experiences dont make sense in that framework. and when i try to explain that to other people they invalidate and deny my experiences instead of challenging their own viewpoint of autism.

i suffered from severe head trauma as a three year old and it isnt actually diagnosed because my mom didnt take me to the ER. she took me to the family pediatrician who held me down long enough to sew shut the gaping wound on my forehead because my mom was planning to go see a play and she didnt want to have to stay home and keep an eye on me after i hurt myself. and now i am actively denied referrals to neurologists despite having seizures all the time. which i plan to sue over once i can get help figuring out how to do so. i have been heavily medically neglected because of my autistic behaviors that are undiagnosed because of the medical discrimination i face over my brain damage.

my emotional instability from the brain damage has been diagnosed as every "problem disorder" under the sun and as such everyone i ever meet thinks im delusional and out of touch with reality. i cant get adequate medical care because people think im crazy because of my more extreme brain damage symptoms and how they combine with my autism.

according to your definition i do have caregivers! even if theyre not very good at taking care of me! but when other "high/mid" supports needs autistics on here were questioning my disability i was told that the only caregivers that matter were ones that were paid to help you, that loved ones didnt count. i was made fun of for saying my loved ones are my caregivers. which is why i now say i dont have one. thats what i have been told to do by other people who claim they are more of an authority on autism than me.

according to your definition i also dont and cant mask but according to all the other autistic people who like to make fun of me all the time my severe ocd is the same thing as masking so thus im obviously low support needs. i have been called "sheldon cooper" by so many "high/mid" support needs autistic people that its not funny anymore. im constantly made fun of for "masking" by people who are mocking me for how stereotypically autistic i am behaving and its making me feel scared and sick. im being repeatedly gaslit about what masking looks like so people can deny my disabilities.

i have had "high/mid" support needs autistic people call me "retarded" repeatedly because i get upset when they mislabel me as "low support needs" when i am evidently not.

i have been silenced with extreme violence because early diagnosed autistic people keep saying im "talking over them" when i try to explain that my experiences dont fit within their perception of autism.

im just.

you seem like you have genuinely good intentions but at the end of the day the way you are engaging with the autism community makes me feel unsafe as a psychotic autist with brain damage who has severe medical and psychiatric trauma from neglect i face due to ableism.

some of us dont get to have a diagnosis even if having one would help us survive. some of us dont get to have adequate caregivers even if we need them. some of us dont get any accommodations at all even if we need them.

i am. literally struggling to survive. because allistic society does nothing but abuse me and the autistic community seems to want to pretend they dont see it? my basic needs arent being met and nobody thinks its their responsibility to help me and im getting scared.

i just feel like i have been forcibly pushed out of my own community by people who think they are an authority who has the right to "correct misinformation." i dont think you should all get to Speak As Authorities in a way that gives people who have more niche experiences no room to talk about their own lives.

you arent an authority on autism. you are an authority on your own experiences. and if you want to correct misinfo as it relates to your own experiences then fine but you need to be more mindful of what actually counts under "your experiences" because as i see it your viewpoint on autism is limited and you are imposing an Autism Standard that only covers a very small part of the spectrum.

you. are not. an expert. on the whole. autism. spectrum. and yet you think its your place to "correct misinformation" based on your own beliefs and opinions and experiences. what if its not misinfo and you are just misunderstanding someone???? what if YOU just dont understand what they are talking about because you dont have direct experience with it??

how can you trust that the information you are spreading is any more correct or helpful?

i am at least "mid support needs" according to all the definitions and requirements and yet other people who claim to be my peers keep calling me ableist slurs because they insist im low support needs.

i just want to know that if i interact with your blog as a person who doesnt fit your expectations that you arent going to tear me to absolute shreds over it like the bajillion other "high/mid" support needs autistic people who have literally called me retarded for not wanting to be improperly labeled in a way that denies my suffering.

and like. this is not "discourse" and im frustrated that you see it as such. its such a red flag. i am begging you to be more mindful of autistic people who have experiences that you dont understand because youre attempts to "educate" are biased.

i just. i think yall should stop appointing yourselves as Autism Ambassadors when you are only knowledgeable on a very narrow part of the autism spectrum: the part you personally are on.

you are a hairs breadth away from unintentionally denying a lot of peoples experiences and i think yall need to just. take a step back and ask yourselves what exactly you think you are accomplishing by "correcting misinformation" like this. who is correcting all the misinformation i was fed by people who didnt want to allow me to talk about how hard my autism makes my life?

Honestly? It sounds like you're just giving yourself reasons to not follow me. And that's perfectly fine, you don't have to follow me. Keeping yourself safe is important.

I'm really just kind of consfused to be honest? I don't know who you are, I don't even know if I follow you. As far as I'm concerned, I don't interact with you in any kind of capacity already. I haven't seen anyone really interact with my blog beyond just liking or reblogging. So it's rather confusing having these asks come out of nowhere?

And some things that higher support needs post about aren't really based on "their experiences"? Like, it's just a fact that autism is a developmental disorder. That autism is considered a disability. We haven't been given any new scientific evidence yet to say otherwise. It's also just plain fact that some autistics have more severe symptoms that occur more frequently than others. There's studies around that kind of thing too? Sure we learn new things as we go and we correct accordingly where we can.

I labelled it "discourse" because you mention the term "heavily medicalised autistic people" and also mentioned that you're "anti-psych". You can be anti-psych if you want to, and I understand some of it stems from trauma, I'm not gonna stop you. But I'm not anti-psych and at this point in my life, I will never be anti-psych.

I'm also not the one labelling you as low support needs. What you're going through sucks, for sure. I'm not going to invalidate your experiences. But I'm also not a person who is good at emotional reciprocity. So if you're looking for some empathy or support, I'm probably not the blog to be following. I'm not a person who is good at that. Never have been and probably never will be.

I don't claim to be an advocate or an activist or an authority for autism. I am just one person posting my thoughts out into the void and learning new things as I go.

I have been on this hellsite since about 2010. And with this blog specifically? I am just out here vibing with about 100 followers, some of which are probably only here for the kpop.

You curate your own experiences here. Sometimes blogs just change or you realise you don't agree with them anymore, that's a-okay. It happens.

I've no idea how to how to make this experience better for you as I've no idea what I've done wrong. So if you feel that in order to protect yourself and keep yourself safe that you need to unfollow me, then do what's best for you.

[asking-jude]

Hi,

I don't know if this is something you can help me with or not. But here goes. This is a long one.

When I (female) was around 15-16 I was in a very intense relationship with a guy. He was very controlling and manipulative about our relationship. I would even go as far as to say he was mentally and sexually abusive. All of this were things that I would not realize or understand until I was older but at the time I dealt with it because I thought I was in love. Fast forward a year into our relationship and I wind up pregnant at 17. He's ecstatic, because he wanted me to have a baby. We get engaged. Three months later I suffer a miscarriage. He immediately blames me and my family for additional stress and begins threatening bodily harm to them if I don't get pregnant again right away. I, of course, am terrified and miserable. But at this point I've had enough so I break up with him and move on.

Fast forward to ten years later. I am not entirely over the emotional trauma that our entire relationship put me through. He has recently reached out to me to rekindle friendship and I am unsure of what to do. Logically I know I should ignore him but a part of me wonders what if he was right person, wrong time, I guess? I am just looking for someone's else's opinion. Am I right in staying away?

Do you want free, fast mental health help? Visit askingjude.org.

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Talking to someone with an objective point of view often helps us gain perspective on the situation. It was brave of you to take this first step. Toxic and abusive relationships are always difficult to navigate, especially at an age as young as seventeen. I am sorry for the loss of your baby and that the relationship you had with your partner was harmful.

I understand your indecision regarding whether or not you should rekindle a friendship with him. It can be tempting to reach out; you may tend to focus on only the positive memories with him and believe that he knows you better than anyone. You were incredibly brave and mature in leaving him in the first place, especially since he threatened harm to your family. While people can mature and change, it is important to understand that anyone who genuinely loves you would never intimidate you, threaten you, or cause you harm. It is common for partners to act differently after a miscarriage, but you mentioned his abusive behavior began before the pregnancy, which is a strong indicator that he is capable of repeating these behaviors.

Here is some additional information on red flags in relationships: https://nnedv.org/content/red-flags-of-abuse/. If you do decide to reach out to him, make sure you understand the risks associated with this decision. Make it clear to him at the beginning that his behavior needs to change if he expects to be in contact with you. You should also make sure you have a support system of people that can help you and a safety plan in place in the event that you feel unsafe or threatened.

I have provided an article about domestic violence and the process of creating change: https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/reconciliation-after-domestic-violence/. You may find some of the questions toward the end helpful. They are directed at the person causing abuse, but they could help you evaluate your previous relationship before you decide whether or not you want to be friends with him.

I have also linked some additional information on healthy and unhealthy traits to look for in relationships: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics. Thinking about these traits can help you further analyze your relationship with your ex.

Throughout this process, please always remember that none of this, including the miscarriage and his abusive behavior, was your fault. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we respond to those actions. If you feel uneasy about being in contact with him again, please understand that it is completely within your right to refuse his offer of friendship.

I hope some of this information was helpful. Do not hesitate to reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions.

Good luck,

Andrea

Ask a question here.

[unicornofgt]

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

[inneskeeper-receipts]

Hi, I'm someone who knew and dated inneskeeper for a while, back when his url was thetatteredveil.We began dating early on into 2020, almost immediately after I was emerging from an abusive relationship that made me genuinely fear for my life.

He was emotionally/psychologically and spiritually abusive towards me throughout the relationship, and despite me cutting contact in early 2021, the ways in which he manipulated me were so twisted that it took me until December 2022 to realize that it was abuse. I don’t think this is intentional necessarily. I think that he is very sick & needs help.

He is a self-admitted sociopath and compulsive liar, a scammer, and I'm tired of seeing him everywhere on here with absolutely no criticism. He makes a lot of lofty claims about himself and his education which were never backed up once by any proof throughout the whole time I knew him.

Feel free to reblog my posts or DM with questions. I can't promise you that I will always answer, because this is a lot for me emotionally and I try not to look at this stuff very much. I saw other people criticizing him after the Ohio post of his blew up, recognized his behavior with this perfectly pattern matches to how he treated me, & feel a little bit safer coming out about this than I did before.

edit 2/13/23: I felt it went without saying but please do not be purposefully inflammatory and/or harass this person, especially not on my behalf or anything weird and white knight-y like that. this is mostly me venting and is not meant to be a callout, I just didn’t know what url to throw on this blog when I made it.

that being said, at this point I would like Innes to be held accountable in some way for the dishonesty he’s built his platform on, and how this dishonesty has hurt people. the lack of integrity is upsetting & as someone who once knew him I know he is capable of doing better.

edit 2/15/23: He is, for some reason, claiming that I am block-evading. I have had him blocked, immediately, on every new blog I make for years because of how much I do not want to directly interact with him because of how unsafe I feel doing so. I haven't sent them a single ask, anonymous or not. Anything I have said, I have said on this blog explicitly. Innes is continuing to lie and misrepresent the situation, downplay the psychological and emotional abuse they did to me, and continue to make me look crazy. There was no point in trying to engage with them in good faith I guess.

edit 7/10/23: after speaking with multiple other people who have known Innes throughout the years and, like me, wish to remain anonymous: Innes should not have a platform. The lies, misinformation, misappropriation of donations repeatedly show that innes cannot responsibly have a platform online, cannot responsibly be a custodian to the community they have cultivated, and, if I'm being perfectly honest, will probably repeat the pattern of abuse they enacted upon me. I'm sick of how I cannot go to most reaches of the internet without seeing my abuser's jokes screenshotted knowing what I know about Innes. Again, don't harass them, just block them and gently let other people know what the deal with them is. That's seriously all I can ask.

[ocpdzim]

Hey buddy, we understand that things can get confusing with so many differing opinions, but roleplay accounts are much more popular nowadays, and there are many people willing to help with any possible harassment you'd get.

Claiming endogenous origins can at first seem to help against hidden trauma, as coping with that knowledge can be very scary, but we promise that there are ways to help you with it so that you don't have to feel alone.

However trying to claim genuine endogenous origins can be very harmful as by definition, it's not possible. Systems have been trying to fight against stigmatized ideas ever since science uncovered them, and claiming that just anyone can "be" an endogenic system is incredibly offensive as, just like you, we've gone through genuine horrors that forced us to this point just to survive.

I’m going to do my best to respond to this politely, but fair warning, if I get another ask like this I am not likely to be this polite again.

First of all, it is extremely insulting for you to start this out with ~I know things can be confusing.~ I am not confused, and perhaps if you think everyone who disagrees with you must simply be confused, you aren’t cut out for this sort of discussion.

I didn’t go into this in detail in the post because frankly it was besides the point - my personal experience with these things is not the reason we should be treating others with respect and dignity - but when I was first engaging with the system community I had repressed trauma I was not aware of. Over the years, I have figured it out and come to terms with it and am generally doing fine now, but at the time, when I wasn’t aware of the trauma, it was still pretty obvious that I had a system and it was people like you who made me feel unwelcome in my own community, further worsened my already disastrously bad mental health, and further discouraged me from seeking any kind of help (although, in all fairness on that last point, my past experience with psychiatry was already plenty discouraging on its own). Although I never declared endogenous origin, behavior like yours caused me to feel unsafe and constantly on edge that some asshole might come into my inbox and interrogate me about whether I had enough trauma to justify my own existence. I highly doubt my experience there is unique. Now, here you are with your incredibly condescending ask that can only really be addressed by either ignoring it, telling you to fuck off, or providing personal background that not everyone is as comfortable with sharing as I am. It’s baffling to me that anyone familiar with the online climate surrounding this discussion couldn’t recognize this as a harmful and invasive pattern.

Endogenous systems, on the other hand, have never once made me feel unwelcome or hurt or invalidated. On the contrary, they’ve provided friendship, support, and spearheaded efforts to get accommodations and understanding for systems in groups I’ve been in. I’ve also seen how behavior like yours has hurt friends of mine who are endogenous systems, and to put it bluntly, if they’d been faking then there is no way they wouldn’t have abandoned the grift by now due to the sheer quantity of cruelty they’ve experienced about it and the complete lack of any personal gain. Is it any wonder that I’d rather throw my lot in with them than with the psychiatric system that caused me so much pain and trauma or with a group of bizarrely self-important people online who believe they are entitled to know and be arbiter of other people’s mental health, with no concern for the damage done?

Your experience is not universal and neither is mine. I’m sorry that you experienced trauma, I know firsthand how bad that sucks. However, other systems existing without having experienced trauma - or having experienced trauma but not considering that the source of their system’s existence - is not your business, does not meaningfully affect you, and does not stigmatize us. If anything, it helps destigmatize systems, although there’s still a long way to go on that.

Finally, I would not trust the psychiatric establishment as an authority on what is or isn’t possible. It’s worth noting that even if you DO want to place your complete faith in the bloodstained system that has in the past considered homosexuality a disease and autistic people subhuman, the system which to this day is so rife with abuse that there is a psychiatry survivors movement, it’s easy to google the subject and discover that when speaking about trauma causing systems to form, psychiatric sources tend to use language like “usually” and “almost always” instead of “exclusively,” but frankly I place people’s direct accounts of their own experience far above anything the psychiatric establishment has to say on the matter anyway.

If you can bring me a concrete, real example of how endogenous systems supposedly cause harm to the community - as in, not “It makes me feel invalidated to see systems that are different from me” or “I met an endogenous system who was an asshole once” or “They’re in the way of my respectability politics” or “I just don’t think they exist and somehow that’s my business” or “I’ve never actually seen it happen but here’s a harm I think is maybe possible in theory,” we may continue this discussion. However, I will not be holding my breath for that, because in 7 years I have never once seen any argument against endogenous systems aside from those. Begone from my inbox until and unless you have something actually insightful to say.

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.