#there are obviously interactions between them and paul
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
alittlebitofloveliness · 5 months ago
Text
Darry Curtis was always gay- the musical just makes it more obvious.
I know it was never Hinton’s INTENTION for any of her characters to be perceived as queer, she claims she didn’t write them that way, and that’s fine. In fact, I think reading The Outsiders as a group of straight men who have the bonds they do is actually a really great critique of toxic masculinity, in that we would see the contrast between their interactions one on one or alone with the group, compared to their macho, hyper masculine personas they showcase in public. HOWEVER, I think it’s incredibly hard to read it that way because Hinton accidentally and completely unintentionally made Darry Curtis one of the gayest characters in modern literature. It’s not far fetched. It’s not a stretch. I’m saying that if you have even a surface level understanding of subtext that it is obvious. Darry’s queerness is as open  in the novel as he is in his life- that is, it’s never said explicitly, but it’s VERY easy to see the signs. In fact, the way it’s threaded into the narrative but very talked around leads me to believe that even though Darry wasn’t out, it might have been an open secret within the gang- or at the very least they probably had some suspicions. 
For one, in the book Darry is never mentioned even once to have had a girlfriend, or even to have gone on dates, but we know he was popular and well liked. You can’t convince me that a handsome, popular football player, whose peers liked him enough to vote him Boy of The Year, didn’t have more than a few girls interested in him, but Pony’s narration never even alludes to Darry having been interested in one. For all he talks up Darry’s achievements, the scholarship he won, the future he could have had and everything he gave up, women/a girlfriend were never a part of it- which, given the time period and Darry’s reliance on hyper masculine social scripts, seems highly uncharacteristic unless there was a plausible explanation for his complete disinterest (ie. being gay). Now, examine this hyper masculinity a little further, and you can see it for what it is, a) a defence mechanism (because it separates him from stereotypes of what a gay men are like, so if he’s ‘manly’ enough no one will ever suspect or discover what he is) and b) the unfortunate complete opposite of that. Just like how hyper femininity characteristic to femme lesbians is off putting to men, the same is true to some degree about hyper masculine men being somewhat off putting to women. Not to the same degree, and probably not as obviously, but Darry’s  over the top masculinity might be the one thing effective in keeping (some) women away for reasons they can’t quite put their finger on. Point is, Darry was never a ladies man, to a degree that is very not heterosexual, especially for the time period.
So, now that we’ve established Darry’s complete disinterest in dating women,  his hypermasculine personality and it’s possible implications, let’s turn to other textual support for his queerness: his relationships with other male characters. I’m not talking about the gang- his interactions with all of them are very friendly/familial-  but he has a bond with Tim Shepard that is clear on the page but left largely unexplained (their weird eye contact and high mutual respect, the fact Tim was at their house once with no explanation), and his homoerotic run in/fight with Paul at the rumble. Both these relationships have plausible deniability- they’re not explicitly gay, but they’re also not NOT gay. Again, Hinton didn’t intentionally make Darry gay, but he very much is, and as far as closeted gay characters go, he’s a fairly well written one, because the subtext is very much THERE if you know what you’re looking for, but the queerness of his interactions is shrouded in this very real this COULD mean nothing characteristic of a lot of closeted queer interactions. 
Having said all this, I think the musical making Darry and Paul’s fight (somehow) even more charged and homoerotic than it is in the book was a wise choice, because a lot of the rest of the subtext was changed/missing from the musical adaptation. I’ve seen the ritfr analysis looking at the lyrics as they relate to Darry’s queerness, and I do think they follow the veiled/subtextual theme, but I don’t think they’re as explicitly gay as they’re touted to be. However, I do think the musical does a good job of highlighting Darry’s queerness given the medium they’re working with, and the actors do an amazing job portraying it without saying it outright, making it more obvious than it is on the page- but Darry was canonically gay in the book too, and let’s not pretend otherwise.
(Lmk if you want to see my analysis of the other Curtis’ queerness as it related to the book + musical).
176 notes · View notes
mightyostanes · 6 months ago
Text
Why Jews Aren't "Trying to Trick G-d"
(Note only secondary sources are cited in the bibliography)
For my second post I had originally planned on writing something more fun but unfortunately, I feel the need to write this. Lately I’ve seen quite a few people on twitter saying that the way Jews interpret Halakah is that Jews are trying to trick G-d. While this is obviously a bad faith argument designed to be shitty, I still think this subject should be explained in greater detail. Mostly because I think there’s a fundamental disconnect in the way people imagine religions should interact with their deity and how Judaism has historically interacted with G-d. Furthermore, due to the Haskalah and Counter Haskalah I feel that a lot of these ideas have been lost to a lot of Jews in the English-speaking world. Replaced by Platonism that has much more in common with Philo and Maimonides then it does with anything the sages actually wrote or believed. Or to put it in much franker terms the toilet demon Rabba Bar Rav Huna mentioned in Gittin70:A6 probably wasn’t a metaphor. Instead, it seems incredibly likely that both he and Rabbi Tanhum Bar Tanilai believed in a literal Sheyd that lived in literal toilets no matter how embarrassing that sounds. 
    The reason this bizarre tangent is important is because if you actually look at the biblical, rabbinic, medieval, kabbalistic, and hasidic literature it utterly destroys the idea that the relationship of the Jew to G-d is of one sided kowtowing submission. Granted, it’s quite easy to interpret it that way but that’s mostly due to conditioning in terms of what people think a theistic religion should be about rather than any wiggle room in the texts themselves. In fact, I’d wager most arguments against this have more to do with people’s idea of the Tanakh than the Tanakh itself. 
      The biggest reason for this misunderstanding in my opinion is that very few people actually know what a covenant is let alone its context. To illustrate my point, I’d like you to think back on the last time you made a covenant with someone or something. Assuming you aren’t a ceremonial magician the answer to the question just posed is probably never. In the modern world covenant has become almost solely associated with the Bible and has almost no context. Especially because the idea of the ‘New Covenant’ talked about in the works of Paul the Apostle has very little to do with what covenants historically were. Rather than statements of blind faith, covenants in the Ancient Near East were more analogous to contracts and treaties. There are even some scholars who think that the covenantal theology in Deuteronomy may be based on Ancient Near Eastern vassal treaties. (1)
    In these treaties a bigger state or kingdom would make a treaty for a smaller kingdom to accept fealty to them. (1) In these treaties, at least in paper, rather than being a slave the ruler of the smaller nation was supposed to be a junior partner. Said vassals would also continue to be junior partners to the larger power if they held up the obligations given to them by the treaty. (1) Similarly, just as the smaller party holds obligations to the larger party the larger party also holds obligations to the smaller party. Including ostensibly having to listen to complaints or suggestions the smaller party made. 
   In the Tanakh or Five Books of Moses, there are exactly three covenants mentioned that occurred between G-d and humans. These three aforementioned covenants are the covenant with Noah and his descendants once the Ark lands, (Gen 8:20-9:13), The covenant for Abraham’s descendants where an unknown light phenomenon signifying G-d passes through Abraham’s sacrifice (Gen: 15), and the famous covenant between G-d and the Israelites on Mount Sinai (Exodus 19-24). Shortly after the establishment of both the Abrahamic and Mosaic Covenants G-d or an emissary of G-d appears and holds a banquet with the covenant members (Gen 18:1-10, Exodus 24:9-18). In the Ancient Near Eastern context that these texts were written in, banquets and feasts thrown by a king or senior covenant partner were incredibly important tools for control or consolidation. In both the Neo-Assyrian Empire and in the kingdom of Mari not only eating with the king but being at the table with him showed that you were considered as part of the king’s metaphorical family (2). These constructed family hierarchies would be clearly delineated by how close one sat to the king and how one sat, with the people right next to the king being seen as close immediate family members analogous to sons or younger brothers. In the two previously mentioned covenants the Elders of Israel and Abraham’s family sans Lot were sitting with G-d or his emissary suggesting an incredibly close relationship instead of merely that of master and servant. Especially as the angels or heavenly host were not seated ahead of the human participants at the metaphorical dinner table. 
          This idea of man as junior partner and consultant is also seen in the way that humans can critique, give advice to, or argue with G-d and G-d takes their words into consideration. A famous example of this post covenant is Abraham giving G-d suggestions on what to do with Sodom and Gomorrah and G-d accepting his input (Gen 18). An even more extreme example is in Exodus 32 when Moses actually argues with G-d and seemingly wins the argument thus saving the lives of the Hebrews. Similarly, complaints were by no means unknown by the rulers of vassal states to their overlords. The famous Amarna letters addressed by Egyptian allies and vassals to Pharaoh Akhenaten are filled with complaints and requests, with a few even being acknowledged (3). Considering that Pharaoh’s considered themselves living gods this just adds more background to the precedent of complaining towards, making suggestions to, or arguing with the divine.
    Beyond the kinship of all the community of Israel, and not just a singular son, with G-d there are also many notions that have to be cleared up in regard to humankind’s place in creation. A famous Midrash Tanhuma Tarzia 5 has a Roman Consul asking Rabbi Akiba why Jews circumcise male children when G-d has them born uncircumcised. In response Rabbi Akiba shows the consul grain, created by G-d and bread which is that same grain altered by man. Rabbi Akiba then asks the consul which one is better, before giving the obvious answer that most people prefer bread. This little story besides giving a philosophical explanation for circumcision also gives a good summary of the main ethos of Rabbinic Judaism. That G-d made the world unfinished so that mankind in general and Jews in particular could finish it. To establish the kingdom of heaven on earth rather than merely waiting for it. The translation of ‘Tikkun Olam’ as repairing the world was meant to be understood literally and not just as a metaphor for social justice.
    Lastly and perhaps most shocking to an Abrahamic Gentile reader, the G-d of Judaism was not traditionally portrayed as unchanging or infallible. The idea only gained traction in rabbinic Judaism after Maimonides inserted it into his theology after borrowing it from Aristotelian, Islamic, and Christian ideas in the 12th century. Historically the G-d of Judaism has been shown to change their mind, and according to Moshe Idel is even affected by theurgy (4). As evidenced by many stories in the Torah where G-d explicitly changes their mind on what they want to do. The mutability of G-d’s mind in terms of human prayer and action carries over to the realm of Halakhic interpretation assuming the other party has a good point. The most famous example of this rabbinical overturning G-d’s decree is in Baba Metzia 59B where Three Rabbis tell G-d that G-d and Rabbi Eliezer’s interpretation of a ruling regarding an oven is invalid. They achieve this by citing Deuteronomy 30:12, and Exodus 30:2 stating that the Law is not in heaven and is for the majority to decide its correct meaning. Instead of smiting the group of Rabbis G-d simply laughs stating that ‘My children have beaten me’. Indeed, the Great Maggid even goes as far as to say that G-d, like a parent teaching their child Torah, actually prefers a novel interpretation instead of just parroting the interpretation given by the parent (5).
           In Pauline Christianity Deuteronomy 30:12 which states, “The Law is not in Heaven” has been taken to mean that Halakah isn’t binding in the kingdom of heaven. However, the mainstream rabbinic interpretation means that only living humans can truly follow the Torah and perform Mitzvot to their fullest extent. In the Talmud in Shabbat 88B there is one of many Moses vs angels battles found throughout Jewish literature regarding whether humans should receive the Torah. Just like all of the other stories with this mytheme, Moses obviously wins this battle and takes the Torah to Israel. What makes this story different is that rather than using theurgy to bind the angels or just beating the tar out of them, Moses defeats them with a well-reasoned argument. I’ll let the passage I copied from Sefaria speak for itself.
     Moses said before Him: Master of the Universe, the Torah that You are giving me, what is written in it? God said to him: “I am the Lord your God Who brought you out of Egypt from the house of bondage” (Exodus 20:2). Moses said to the angels: Did you descend to Egypt? Were you enslaved to Pharaoh? Why should the Torah be yours? Again Moses asked: What else is written in it? God said to him: “You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3). Moses said to the angels: Do you dwell among the nations who worship idols that you require this special warning? Again Moses asked: What else is written in it? The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to him: “Remember the Shabbat day to sanctify it” (Exodus 20:8). Moses asked the angels: Do you perform labor that you require rest from it? Again Moses asked: What else is written in it? “Do not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” (Exodus 20:7), meaning that it is prohibited to swear falsely. Moses asked the angels: Do you conduct business with one another that may lead you to swear falsely? Again Moses asked: What else is written in it? The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to him: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12). Moses asked the angels: Do you have a father or a mother that would render the commandment to honor them relevant to you? Again Moses asked: What else is written in it? God said to him: “You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal” (Exodus 20:13) Moses asked the angels: Is there jealousy among you, or is there an evil inclination within you that would render these commandments relevant?
-Shabbat 88B (Babylonian Talmud)
       The Mitzvot, something occasionally seen as higher and holier than the immanent aspect of G-d (6) were meant to be performed solely by humans. Because just like the angels, G-d lacks many of these physical imperfections that give many of the Mitzvot any real weight. Therefore, as the ones who do the most mitzvot, how we interpret and follow them is fundamentally up to us.
    Admittedly I could go on and on about the theoretical frameworks behind the ideas. Such as the status of the Torah vis a vis the status of G-d, or the tradition of prayer as legal battle with the divine realm but that’d be a whole other bag of cats. One that’d probably take 20 pages to accurately give my thoughts, thoughts that would be at best heretical to at least a fair number of Jews. So instead let us end this here, there is no way for Jews to cheat Halakhah because it fundamentally belongs to the Jews. It is our burden that we have to bear and our most cherished treasure. Even if it did indeed come from G-d, like any gift the receiver usually is the actual owner and the one who decides what to do with it.
Citation List for non primary sources
Koller, Aaron. “Deuteronomy and Hittite Treaties.” Bible Interpretations , September 2014. https://bibleinterp.arizona.edu/articles/2014/09/kol388003. 
Milano, Lucio. “Naptan Ḫudûtu Aškun". Practice and Ideology of Neo-Assyrian Banquets.” Thesis, Storia Antica e Arceologico Ciclo , 2013.Section 3. Eating With The King: The Earthly Banquet. PG 60-80
Nutter, Nick. “How the Great Kings Managed Their Vassal States during the Bronze Age.” nuttersworld.com, August 15, 2024. https://nuttersworld.com/civilisations-that-collapsed/managing-vassal-states/. 
 Idel, Moshe. Middot: On the emergence of Kabbalistic Theosophies. Brooklyn, NY: KTAV Publishing House, 2021. 
Idel, Moshe. “The Son of God as a Righteous in Hasidism .” Chapter. In Ben: Sonship and Jewish Mysticism, 531–85. New York, NY: Continuum , n.d. 
6. Idel, Moshe. “The World Absorbing Text.” Chapter. In Absorbing Perfections Kabbalah and Interpretation, 26–45. New Haven, Connecticut : Yale University Press, 2002
145 notes · View notes
licncourt · 3 months ago
Text
allegorical vampirism and slavery in IWTV
A couple people made comments about what I said regarding the parallels between vampirism and slavery/how they interplay in the story when I mentioned it in another post so I wanted to talk about it a little here! Adding a disclaimer though for non-followers that I am a fan of the books, so please don't take this to say otherwise!
There's a lot of crazy stuff in the beginning of IWTV, but the ideas of systemic violence and parasitism really permeate all of it. The parallels in how slaveowners like Louis and Lestat live in the human sense is very reminiscent of how vampires literally drain the life from their victims to continue. The implication here is that there's no cost too great to sustain a vampire and that vampires have a certain inherent superiority over humans (this is believed explicitly by a majority vampires in the series). There's even something to be said for the sexualized (usually non-consensual obviously) nature of vampire feeding bearing a striking resemblance to the sexual exploitation of enslaved people on many plantations.
Of course, the usual conversation about Louis' hypocrisy plays in here most prominently as we see his ridiculously selective concern and morality, leeching off the forced labor of enslaved people while refusing to feed on humans out of his own concept of mercy and goodness. Clearly he has no real problem with surviving on death and exploitation, which is why it's shocking but not surprising when he reveals the "aesthetic" nature of his objections during the interview. Even he recognizes that his moral complaints were contrarian and performative, more about resisting Lestat's control than genuine care for victims.
He's remarkably and sickeningly blasé about the whole matter, and as hard as it is to read, the way he talks about his perpetuation of chattel slavery is what I would expect. He seems to find it mildly regrettable, but ultimately a reflection of the times and of circumstance, implicitly passing off the blame for his actions. It mirrors a lot of vampire rhetoric, most of the main characters in the series seeming to simply agree that It Is What It Is and say Well, What Can You Do? Louis represents the mundane evil of slavery and of vampirism, the integration of something so horrific and unspeakable into the workings of everyday life with flimsy justifications and token moralizing on peripheral matters that obscure the violent reality of the situation.
The privilege Louis was born into really shows here. He doesn't seem to outwardly relish his position as master, but not because he sees it as morally wrong, only because he sees it as natural, as his birthright in much the same way we see vampires excuse any harm they cause as just vampire nature, therefore nothing to be concerned about. Radically normal even. The only really crimes that really matter occur between vampires in the same way that the only crimes that really mattered in the Antebellum South were those committed between white people, especially wealthy white people. We see Louis get away with all kinds of bad behavior after Paul's death because he's a wealthy white man, so he can be as drunk and disorderly as he likes, even if it crosses the line into violence. Vampires operate similarly, power equaling a license to do as one pleases because who can stop you?
While Louis is, for obvious reasons, the primary focus of the discussion around slavery in IWTV, it's important to note how Lestat plays into this too in his own way. Not only is he not innocent or merely allowing it to happen passively around him, he engages with it quickly and in a rather Draconian manner when the opportunity presents itself. Lestat approaches his interactions with the enslaved people on the plantation much the same way he approaches vampirism itself, as a means to subjugate others and affirm his own power and control over his situation. He relishes them similarly too, finally On Top after being under the heel of others for so long.
He behaves like the stereotypical school bully who was abused at home, punching down as soon as the opportunity presents itself. He immediately takes the role of an enforcer of sorts for Louis, both by request and of his own volition. In one scene, Louis mentions (sickeningly casually I should add) that he requested Lestat use his position as "a white master" to quell unrest among the enslaved people on the plantation before a riot and Lestat does so happily, even saying something similar to Louis on other occasions. In another, Lestat takes it upon himself to "mercilessly beat" a slave for lingering too long near where their coffins are kept. The behavior is egregious, both the acts themselves and the unbothered way that Louis relays it to Daniel, but maybe that easy acceptance of cruelty is necessary for vampires. Would they be able to continue living the way they do if they acknowledged this sort of reality for what it is?
The final thing I want to add is the way the context of slavery plays off of the dynamic between Louis and Lestat personally in IWTV. There's a certain dark irony to the way Louis, the slaveowner and one primarily responsible for enslavement on the plantation, reacts to his new power dynamic with Lestat. The way he chafes at Lestat's grip on him is almost comical in contrast, and while it's not stated explicitly, it seems that a large portion of the reason stems from his belief that he's inherently at the top of the food chain and that this is a disruption of the natural order he clings to so strongly. He's not poor, he's not a woman, he's not black, he's not even a mere mortal anymore, so what right does anyone have to control him the way he controls others (who in his mind should expect it)? And even then, it's nowhere near comparable. He lives in the definition of a gilded cage with Lestat, not autonomous certainly, but absolutely languishing over a tiny fraction of what others endure at his own hand.
Their microcosm of vampire life feels even more frivolous by comparison, two men of equal standing in all the important ways bickering eternally over the technicalities of emasculation, philosophy, and disrespect. Still though, Claudia points out to Louis that in her opinion, Lestat "made a slave of him" and Louis doesn't say this explicitly, but that simple comparison seems to be the breaking point in him opening his mind to the allowance of Lestat's murder. Even the suggestion of such a thing, that he's been made not just a fool or an accomplice or someone’s bitch, but a slave, flips a switch in him visibly. And that tells us just about everything we need to know.
74 notes · View notes
isagrimorie · 9 months ago
Text
This THR interview with showrunner Jac Schaeffer is really good!
Some quotes from the interview:
"When you're lucky enough to have a project be a hit [WandaVision] and you then have some capital, the question becomes: how are you going to spend your capital? And one of the answers to that question was parlaying it into a return to directing," Schaeffer tells The Hollywood Reporter of directing multiple episodes this season. "There's nothing like it. Writing something and being the one to execute it and then additionally seeing it through post, it's the ultimate."
So the reason we're getting this material on Agatha All Along is because Jac Schaeffer earned the capital, the cachet after making WandaVision into a runaway hit. Even though Disney-Marvel refused to give her the rightful title of 'Showrunner' at that time.
She's using this capital to tell the story she wants to tell.
How did we get as much textually, onscreen Agatha/Rio as we're getting?
Because WandaVision was a runaway hit, the first of its kind on Disney+ streaming and because of that cachet Jac and Mary Livanos (EP) now have the capital to spend it on pushing the story they want to tell and includes Agatha and Rio's very complicated romantic relationship.
On Agatha and Rio
Jac Schaeffer: "I just think it's about the dynamic between Agatha and Rio. At this point in the story, it's impossible for them to find each other, and that's the real question," Schaeffer says. "Obviously, they have so much chemistry and they have so much heat, so what's the problem? That's really what that scene points to."
---
Q: Rio dropped the reveal about Teen in the midst of Agatha trying to kiss her. Why did Rio decide to ruin that tender moment between them and hurt Agatha even more?
Again, it is hard to really talk about this because there's so much yet to unfold, but I appreciate the question very, very much, and I would like to try to answer it as best I can. I would just say that Rio's interest in Agatha has a lot of depth to it. When we first see them together as their true selves in that fight at the end of 101, it's all fun and games. It's hair pulling and scratching and knives and sexiness, but there's real pain and real yearning.
Q: Was Aubrey Plaza doing double duty based on her absence between one and four?
Well, it's rarely just a practical thing. In the writers' room, we knew that Rio would be so special, and we were trying to titrate how combustible we wanted their interactions to be. So we knew we couldn't have them together all the time because it's not a rom-com. It's not about two people with cute conflict who then fall into bed with each other. So we always knew that Rio wouldn't be around all of the time, and I believe the construction of the episodes predated Aubrey's availability. But, yes, we did not have her entirely in the way that would've made things easier. Still, I would say those decisions were more about story.
There's a lot of "justice for Sharon," but there's also a lot of "where's Rio?" And part of our job is holding back. You can't give everybody everything they want all the time. You need a little pain and a little frustration in your watch to keep you going.
(Emphasis mine.)
The ol' slowburn, the ye ol' yearning. You gotta keep them hungry, to keep them on the hook.
That good ol' TV standard.
67 notes · View notes
always-andromeda · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐋𝐋, 𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐃
𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✯ Father Paul Hill x Fem!Reader
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ✯ 2925
𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 ✯ taboo au + "Everything I've done...every atrocity, it's been for you."
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ✯ okay, I haven't exactly finished a piece in a good while. so this one is sort of serving as a warm-up and if it's terrible (which I have a good feeling it is lmao), I'm gonna have to ask y'all to be gentle on me. I've loved this man for a while now and this is sort of experimental. tl;dr: I am a sensitive little baby right now so treat me as such.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ✯ smut (minors, do not interact), obviously a pretty massive gap in both age and power, depictions of blood and death, could be read as dub con at first (if you squint really hard) but firmly lands on the side of full con, a lot of religious mumbo jumbo (lmao let's ignore the fact that I know almost nothing about Catholicism <3), so much blasphemy, oral (female receiving), a twinge of sub!Paul, and that's all I can think of!! let me know if more is needed!!
(mdni banner template credit goes to @cafekitsune!!)
Tumblr media
Behind closed eyelids, all you saw was darkness. And through that darkness came white hot agony. It was practically blinding as it shot up your spine before detonating in your brain. Those little fragments of pain speckled across the inside of your skull.
You wanted to scream, hurl, cry, something. Anything to physically release the intense pain assaulted your nerves. But you wouldn't be granted that mercy. No.
For now, your suffering was confined to this unending darkness. For now, you waited in the void of your own being for the tragedy to subside.
Tumblr media
For weeks you anxiously waited for the return of Monsignor Pruitt from his mission trip. Though spending your afternoons looking after the dementia ridden clergyman wasn't exactly your idea of a good time, it was far better than slumming it with Beverly Keane. After all, you were 99% sure that whatever Bev heard managed to make its way all around the island.
Crockett Island was a melting pot of rumors. By now you'd heard the stories; the mythology of the island's residents had woven together to form a complex tapestry. And the longer you stayed, the more you realized how little you desired to be a part of it all.
But you didn't have a choice. Whether you liked it or not, Crockett's citizens had already spun your narrative.
Everyone knew how your mother had taken you away from the island at the ripe age of five years old; saving you the heartache of being raised by an alcoholic father. Part of you had always been grateful for it despite how tough it had been being raised by a single mother who hardly had anything to her name. Yet you couldn't help the guilt that poured into your lungs like cement whenever someone mentioned how much your father had suffered before he died.
Because that was the only way you would've gone back to the island that lived in the shadows of your memory: death. And upon meeting Monsignor Pruitt, it became clear that death would also be the only way you'd want to leave.
The relationship that had bloomed between you and him was a humble one. He'd offered to talk you through your grief which you'd promptly denied. Though you attended services, you weren't much for religion and you weren't about to embrace it fresh off of the death of a father who was practically a stranger. It felt disingenuous.
Finding God is reserved for real tragedies, right?
You'd asked the question like it was a joke.
Monsignor Pruitt had merely tilted his head before replying in that lilting, raspy voice of his: Depends on what you think qualifies as a tragedy.
With a quick eye roll, you'd written the answer off as one of those unbalanced moments of his. Over the course of a few months, you'd become well acquainted with them. Going to services and keeping him company was something to do. Something other than rifling through decades of your father's clutter and further entangling yourself with the community. Something other than being reminded of your own wasted potential.
Strangely, the monsignor felt less like an all seeing eye and more like...a friend. And now, faced with his "temporary" replacement, you were finally certain of what qualified as a tragedy to you.
From the moment Father Paul had addressed the church, you were unsettled. He may have been perfectly kind and personable enough, but his mannerisms edged on the uncanny valley. It was the way he spoke during sermons and how that tone rarely changed during one-on-one conversations. Though he couldn't have been older than thirty, he often held himself as if he'd been around the block more times than anyone could fathom. It was easy to chalk it up to his nature. Of course the man of God had an eerie way of making you feel like a puny mortal.
But Monsignor Pruitt had never made you feel like that. You couldn't brush the thought of the old man out of your mind.
Every time Father Paul attempted to placate your worries, it only pushed you deeper into the depths of distrust. Somehow you just knew he was lying.
And for all of Father Paul's wisdom and mystique, he wasn't a good liar. His tone would shift as he glossed over your concerns with a quick reassurance that Monsignor Pruitt was recovering just fine on the mainland. When you felt brave enough to press him for more, he'd wring his hands or squeeze them into fists. Almost as if he had to physically stop himself from reprimanding you. After all, who were you to question him?
Tumblr media
When your eyes finally opened, your vision was overwhelmed by the light. Softly, slowly, the light haloed around the head of a figure that carefully came into view. As your sight sharpened, you quickly realized who stood over you. 
The man you held the most wariness for was kneeling over you. His long face wrought with concern, the alarm bells were already blaring in your muddled mind. But as much as you tried to force the air from your lungs to scream, you could only let out a pathetic, strangled squeak.
That was when he spoke. His voice shook with what sounded like uncertainty, "You mustn't overexert yourself. You're still coming back. But don't worry, you'll be yourself again soon. All in due time."
No matter how much you tried to speak, to move, neither of the actions came to you. All you could do is watch as Father Paul pulled your paralyzed body into his arms and cradled you. And as the potency of your helplessness settled in, you vaguely felt tears prick at your waterline. 
Normally, you would've rather died than allowing yourself to cry in front of someone, especially in front of the father. This time you couldn't control the few tears that slid freely down your cheeks, landing on the father's hand where he gripped your still aching shoulder.
He noticed them immediately and let you out of his grasp long enough to stare into your glossy eyes.
You couldn't quite decipher the intent behind the softness of his gaze. But somehow it was enough to allow the nausea that had slowly been rising in your chest to subside.
Father Paul raised a hand to cup your face. His thumb carefully stroked your cheek, sweeping away the wet trails left by your despair. And whether it was from your sensitivity or the intimacy of the act, you didn't know. But your skin shivered. 
As you gradually regained the feeling in your body, you realized that the first thing you felt after the pain was him. The inherent warmth of his embrace. And in some fucked up way, it was comforting. Feeling like prey, you blinked back the rest of your tears and allowed yourself to soak up as much of him as you could; anything to get rid of the dull pain that plagued your nerves.
You noticed there were tears brimming his own eyes as he smiled softly. "There, you mustn't cry. You've been so brave and in return you've been blessed."
It was then that you began to regain enough cognizance to question what was happening.
Flashes of memory played each time you blinked.
That damned question had been on the tip of your tongue again.
So you found him in the recreational center. There he’d been, on his knees, praying fervently.
Hopefully you're praying for the monsignor's return.
You regretted the words almost as soon as you'd said them. Because as soon as Paul turned, he gave you that dark look that rarely graced his features. This time he hadn't even tried to hide it with his usual discretion.
He merely stared right past you with his eyes wide and pleading. 
You hadn't had the chance to see the thing that attacked you fully. But you felt its teeth at your neck. You felt your own blood dripping from your neck in such a thick stream that the dizziness came almost as soon as you hit the ground. You felt the rough, pale skin of the creature as it smothered you, greedily devouring every ounce of your life.
Of course you were surprised to find yourself lying on the sheets of Paul's bed in his modest home, but that shock was the least of your worries. How were you still alive?
Tumblr media
He told his tale as your body mended itself. You didn't know how much time passed. All you knew is that you were enraptured with the sticky sense of dread that was growing in your stomach as he spoke.
You were acutely aware of just how much it sounded like a sermon. How, whether he was aware of it or not, he was pulling out every stop in the preacher's handbook to try and convince you. And if he didn’t sound so convinced himself, you would swear this was deliberate manipulation. But nothing else could possibly explain his youthful appearance and all that he knew. He could recite your history right back to you despite the fact that you’d never once trusted him nearly enough to give it. Only the monsignor knew your deepest fears and your darkest secrets. But this wasn’t your monsignor.
Father Paul was some new beast; an amalgamation of the sweet old man you’d once known, the deceptive preacher who took his place, and some other supernatural force that you couldn’t quite name.
Though you’d only caught half a glimpse of the creature, you attempted to express your terror. That only spurred him on further as he contended that when an angel of the Lord appeared to the shepherds upon the birth of Jesus, it deliberately told them to not be afraid.
But none of that explained himself. None of it allowed you to comprehend how Monsignor Pruitt could've shed decades of life; how the old man could now stand there, blood drying on the bottom half of his face, and look at you as if you were something he could have.
You didn't have to ask. You knew by then that when the creature had had its fill of your blood, Father Paul had pulled the scraps of you away for himself. The thought hit you dangerously and made something deep inside you rumble. Like a natural disaster, this had unearthed a litany of complications that you never could’ve anticipated.
“We are at a crossroads," Father Paul said gently before letting his conviction surge again, “Now, you once said that finding God was reserved for those experiencing tragedy, correct?”
You nodded sagely. 
Father Paul grasped your trembling hands in his own, “Have you not experienced one of life’s greatest tragedies? The ending of it? You fell right over the edge of life and before the waters of death could claim you, He brought you back. Hebrought us together.”
You shook your head in defiance.
“This was meant to happen. This was part of His plan, for our faiths — our lives — to be renewed.”
With your throat still stiff and dry, you croaked angrily, “There was nothing wrong with my life! There was nothing that needed to supposedly be renewed!” 
He raised his voice suddenly, “Why did you come to this island?”
“Because my father died.”
“A father who was no better than a stranger to you,” he recalled your own words quickly. If the monsignor had been wise, Father Paul was as sharp as a knife, taking his jabs at you with complete accuracy. “You didn’t have to come here. You didn't have to make friends with a crazy old man. By the grace of God, you were led here. You were led here so you could be shown this truth; this gift. And you are denying this gift."
You had to admit that your draw to Crockett had been strange. At first you'd attested it to some childhood curiosity. But you'd deliberately put off taking care of your father's run down property, instead opting to spend time walking in the light of Pruitt. In truth, his companionship had been a breath of fresh air. 
Though the people of Crockett adored him, it was always tinged with pity. You'd never pitied him; only admired him for his wisdom and his resilience. 
Paul's expression softened as he held your face in his hands. "Everything I've done...every atrocity, it's been for you." That was when you saw the edges of his wisdom begin to lift and fall away like a second skin he'd crafted over his own vulnerability.
Underneath it...he was simply a man. A man who wanted to save you. 
“Let me give you more. Let me show you how you can trust me," he whispered.
Tumblr media
The first kiss inspired an odd mix of emotions in your chest. There was the coppery tang of dried blood on your tongue, strong enough that it took everything in you not to flinch away from his hold on you. But you remembered his reference to the angel and the shepherds.
Do not be afraid.
So you continued, deepening the kiss with a turn of your head. And for all of the worldly experiences Paul had, you became acutely aware that this sort of connection was not among them.
Whether there'd been any true romantic feelings for the aging monsignor, you couldn't quite say. But your fondness of him had transferred to the man before you. Granted, the transfer wasn't smooth, but it was there nonetheless. Somehow it was stronger than ever as he took your hand and brought it to his lips. The kiss he pressed against your palm was slightly tacky with your own half dried blood still lingering.
You brushed a lock of his wavy, dark hair back so you could properly meet his gaze. With the shroud of time having fallen away from his features you could see just how handsome the man was. It was a hesitant sort of attractiveness; as if the banner of God had prevented him from seeing his full potential.
He'd fed on your life and made himself new. And the thought of your monsignor living on in that small way...all because of you? The electric twinges that sparked in your chest were almost too much to bear.
Without fear you devoured him in another kiss. Quickly the mood turned from reverent to ravenous as Paul attempted to keep up with your fervency.
He couldn't remember the last time sin had overpowered his sense of morality. Because he knew in the traditional sense, this was pure sin. No matter how wrong he believed it might have been to let his hands roam your figure, in his bones it was a temptation that finally felt correct. There was none of that hesitance or shame or fear that he'd felt before. The pendulum had shifted on morality and he knew exactly what he needed to do.
Hardly a moment was spared as he tore into the long skirt and the underwear that had kept you modest for far too long. Perfect beauty like this had to be cherished.
So that is what he did. Planted firmly between your legs, he stared up at you with eyes that gently pleaded for permission; for salvation. With your own half lidded eyes, you nodded before spreading yourself open for him.
Like a flower, you bloomed beautifully and Paul groaned at the sight. He could practically feel the thrumming pulse before him as it waited to indulge him. His hot breath teased you and made sparks dance right beneath the surface of your skin. Still you stayed in place, patiently allowing him time to drink in the sight of your folds already puffing and glistening with slick.
Quietly, you heard him mumble something that you only caught the tail end of.
“–forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
It wasn't too long after that when his tongue found a home in that tight, warm crevice. Your hand knitted itself into his dark hair as you searched for something to ground yourself from the overpowering sensation. Something about this new condition of yours heightened every aspect of pleasure.
If you were in your right mind, it would make sense logically considering you'd felt the unbearable pain of your spine shattering and being put back together again. But this was overwhelming in the entirely opposite direction.
You experienced the pleasure on a cellular level as your climax rushed through your limbs. You seemed to feel the vibrancy of every emotion and atom that comprised your being. Nothing was spared from the glory of this blessing. Not your spasming cunt as it contracted around Paul's blessed tongue. Not your heart that was firmly on the track of restoration. And not your mind as it all at once fell apart in time with your quivering thighs. Blood pulsing, every single one of your pores felt more alive than ever as you finally embraced the higher power that had been waiting for you in the shadows all along.
At that moment, you believed it all. From the Angel to Father Paul's divine transformation to the euphoric paradise that enveloped your entire being...it was all real. And most of all, it was all yours. Thanks to the father's grace and generosity, you would create paradise with him. And that seemed possible. After all, with his head between your thighs, you’d both already created one.
430 notes · View notes
moonlit--wonders · 4 months ago
Text
Outsiders 3/29 8PM Notes
This is mostly for me so I don't forget anything, but I sat front row at the outsiders on march 29, and here are all of the cool things that I noted! I will admit, as a Curtis Brothers enthusiast most of my attention was on them, but everyone was absolutely incredible! We had Victor on for Paul, Melody on for Marcia, Anna on for Ace, and Jena on for Bev!
I saw the show in previews, and obviously it's evolved so much since then, so none of this may be new information, but I was delighted by it all!
Act One:
Oh my goodness, so much of the rubber gravel was kicked at us throughout the whole thing. At one point I was gasping at a dance move and got gravel in my mouth...
Also the eye contact is insane! Sky particularly makes a lot of eye contact with the front row, seeing as how he is alway looking down.
Jason and Brent were really touchy with each other, whenever they were near each other they had an arm on the other's shoulder, or were talking quietly to each other. It really went a long way in establishing Soda as the one person who can get away with things with Darry
I think Daryl Tofa genuinely enjoys kicking the gravel in people’s faces. He would smirk down at us every time
During GGAH, Soda went to Darrel to try and lighten him up a bit, and while I couldn't catch most of what Soda was saying, I did catch Darrel saying something along the lines of, "Soda, we talked about this yesterday. I swear to god I'm going to beat your ass" while trying to get Soda to stop the Greaser initiation. It wasn't genuinely angry of course, just sibling banter!
Not 30 seconds later, when Soda gave Darrel a shit-eating grin while dancing in GGAH, Darrel once again waved the towel at him and said "I'm going to beat your ass." But this time, he was holding back a smirk.
Soda said his "Darrel never went Soc" in an almost angry tone
Steve made a very goofy face when he and Ace were on the car and it endeared me.
Johnny covering himself during Soda's verse...Johnny Cade I love you
Dally checking on Johnny while Darrel is singing in GGAH and fixing his vest.
Pony was trying to placate Darrel during his GGAH verse. Kept grimacing at him in a poor attempt at a smile and nodding, as if trying to just get him to shut up
Soda spent a lot of time staring at Ace longingly. She was the last to leave after RiTF, and he watched her go with an almost sad look on his face.
Soda also put Johnny in a headlock during RiTF?????
In the pre-Great Expectations scene, Soda was a little too far away to reach Pony during the "I thought they maimed that handsome face of yours," so Brody had to lean in a bit so Jason could get to him.
Brody was only halfway out with his "why does Darrel hate me?" Line before Jason was indignantly saying his "Darrel doesn't hate you!" Like he knew what Pony was about to say.
Alex's Dally was very soft with Johnny. You could see how much he cares for him just in the way his demeanor would change when interacting. Even at the Drive-In when Johnny tells him to leave Cherry alone, Dally isn't too fussed about it. There was a really clear mutual respect between the two of them
Melody!Marcia watched Two-Bit dance during Friday at the Drive In and was smiling and trying to wave to him
Pony was drinking Two-Bit's beer after the Drive-In
When Cherry broke up with Bob, she began to cry and almost looked like she regretted the decision for a moment
When Soda asked if Pony got Cherry's number, Pony shook his head and Soda commiserated with him before going over and doing a handshake with Johnny
During RiTF(R), Darrel was very clearly only throwing the bills at Soda and not near Johnny at all.
Soda did step in front of Johnny at the beginning of the song to shield him a bit.
Soda was also more passive in RiTF(R) than I've seen before!! He didn't do as much intervening, but towards the end he tried to rub Darrel's shoulders to soothe him and Darrel harshly shrugged him off as he was trying to get closer to Pony. Soda was using everything he had to keep them separate, and needed a minute to collect himself after Darrel pushed him down into the chair. Unfortunately that moment came at the worst time...
After Darrel hit Pony, he immediately went, "Shit- Pony, Pony, Pony" and just kept calling his name before crumpling to the ground
Soda and Darry couldn't even look at each other. Darry sat with his back to Soda and Soda sat with his head in his hands
I realize that for staging purposes they need to be still, but seeing Soda, who's normally always moving, just sitting perfectly still made something in me ache
Every time the Train Whistle sounded, all three Curtises would look out in the distance and have an almost glazed over look. I noticed this in the pre- GE scene and the FAFT scene, but it happens a few times during the show.
The lighting when Bob gets stabbed is SO COOL, I'll say it! We got blood on us....
The staging in Run Run Brother is just incredible, when the song ended I couldn't believe it was end of act one
Act Two:
When Soda said his "Ponyboy ain't no murderer" line, Darrel bumped him a bit with his shoulder and gave him a look, and Soda immediately shut up
Cherry held out her hand for Marcia during JFT and the first time Marcia took it, the second she didn't
While Two-Bit was being jumped, Marcia looked on horrified
I was staring so hard at Pony trying to figure out the wig change, Brody did it so seamlessly. I also loved that he was still "cutting" his hair even when there was no lighting on him
Pony eying the switchblade during Death's at My Door and he didn't quite put it up to himself, but he looked like he was thinking about it. And then Johnny very patiently held out his hand for the blade throughout his verse until Pony closed it and handed it over.
The fight between Darrel and Dally was less yelling, but their voices were still raising, until the line "You better watch your mouth now, Dally." Brent said it after a long pause, in a quiet, low voice.
Throwing in the Towel was just....so much more beautiful live, Brody, Jason, and Brent really just did a beautiful job with it
Darrel went in to hug Soda before Soda did at the end of the song
Dally looked genuinely apologetic to not have anything for Johnny before Soda's Letter
Darrel observing Soda's Letter from afar and singing the last line gives such similar energy to Pony during TITT...Two brothers who want to fix things overlooking raw moments between their two brothers.
Dally began crying during the "You have to keep moving forward scene," almost begging Johnny to change his mind
Two-Bit was SO EXCITED to show Soda the paper in Hoods Turned Heroes, he called for him across the stage
During Hoods Turned Heroes, instead of having to be woken up, Darrel was almost clamoring over himself to get his hands on the paper, and he almost started crying as he read
During the line "Owe it all to Pony and Johnny, they still ain't out of the woods." Darrel tapped Soda and sang the line to him almost as a reminder to them both not to celebrate yet
During Hopeless War, Darrel was checking Soda's hand after he wrapped it, while the Socs were pouring one out for Bob
Soda and Darrel shared a cigarette pre-Rumble
Victor!Paul was ao good. No notes, I just needed to say it.
I did NOT realize that during the rumble, they really are so pressed together, it was insane!!!
Chet came so close to the edge of the stage that the girl sitting next to me grabbed my arm and we were both ready to catch him
Soda did a lot of running around helping defend the Greasers
Soda got kicked and Ponyboy ran over and jumped on the Soc
Oh my GOODNESS the rumble is just SO BEAUTIFUL
Heard as the Greasers celebrated (paraphrasing, of course):
Soda to Pony: Are you alright? I saw how that Soc kicked you
Darrel to Pony: How do you feel, baby? I saw you, you did so good winning your first rumble. I'm so proud of you.
Two-Bit spoke in such a quiet tone during his "I wish it was one of us." line
When Soda went to comfort Dally and Dally flinched, Ace put herself between the two and gave Dally a look
Soda was wrapped around Ace, both trying to comfort her, and get comforted by her
Pony not only let Soda hold him at this performance, but wrapped his arms around Soda and held onto him while they both sobbed
Dally's voice cracked a few times during Little Brother as he cried, it was SUCH a powerful performance
He didn't yell or scream, he was pretty quiet the whole way through, defeated.
All three Curtises were sobbing through the last scene. Jason was crying so hard he stuttered over and had to repeat his "we're all we've got left" line
Brent toeing the line between gentle concern and frustrated worry was incredible, he was clearly trying so hard to be gentle with Pony, but his instinct reaction is to get angry! Soda had to calm him down at one point early in the scene
When Darrel said "Did you hear me? I said I love you." Soda looked over at him in shock and awe and started crying harder
Darrel would face away from his brothers and start sobbing, only to try and pull himself together to talk to Pony and Soda
I'm like 95% sure that Brent was making eye contact with me during Stay Gold, and I'm going to let myself be a bit delusional about an interaction I swear we had
Darrel was full on sobbing when Pony said "Darrel might be in it too" and Darrel only finally let Pony see him cry when he asked to read what he had written
Johnny on the car in the Finale and all the Greasers surrounding him :((
During the "Stay Gold" mantra at the end of the Finale, When Soda passes Pony, he looks at him and sings the line with a smirk on his face and nods at him. When Darrel passes Pony, he looks him dead in the eye and sings it with an almost pleading look
26 notes · View notes
sgiandubh · 9 months ago
Note
Hi sgiandubh! Happy weekend!
Have you seen the clip of the interaction between Sam, John, and Cait at the New York Comic Con photoshoot? It seemed like Sam didn’t like how John was behaving towards Cait and got a bit possessive.😉 Obviously all was well a few minutes later when they walked out on stage for the panel 😊, but it seemed like a purely instinctual reaction by Sam to get a little possessive of her for a second.
You seem to really have a knack for analyzing body language so that’s why I wanted to ask! Thanks for answering!
Dear Interaction Anon,
I am sorry for the delay. I am in the middle of a very busy week: while it is true I took the bulk of my leftover paid leave and I am currently at home, I also have some very important and urgent things to sort out, so it is what it is.
I think you can find some very decent explanations on some other blogs and I also think @the-sassynach did a fabulous job with her more than clear gifs (https://www.tumblr.com/the-sassynach/764677465702645760/lmfao?source=share).
Particularly this one, if you ask me:
Tumblr media
You may think of any number of reasons why that photoshoot looked a bit 'off' (jealousy, possessiveness, uxoriousness, being drunk, being sassy, etc). The fact is that despite the 'look relaxed and spontaneous' brief, they managed to show us the exact opposite. They looked tense and fake, completely unlike what they were supposed to do. Why?
Because you can control many things in life, spare Paul Ekman's facial micro expressions. There are 7 of them: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, & surprise. And all of these are universal, which means you can't fool anyone on this planet, regardless of the culture the person hails from - they would get the schtick of it immediately. And they are impossible to control, because they express an emotional, immediate response to an outside stimulus, the person might even be completely unaware of.
The most interesting game would perhaps be to see how many of them can you see in @the-sassynach's gifs? Once you do this, boom: the story writes itself.
Here is a very useful breakdown of Ekman's theory, illustrated: https://www.osc.org/microexpressions-universal-language/. I think you, along with many, will find it very useful and perhaps enlightening. And while some might think it's bullshit, let them: reading body language is a core competence in business intelligence, for example. I know what I am saying, because let's say I am no stranger to it.
Tumblr media
45 notes · View notes
good-to-drive · 9 months ago
Note
your analysis of paul + golden children was superb!!!! you mentioned that for children, abandonment means death. how would you say this manifested/developed in john considering his childhood (who's usually the one we think of regarding abandonment issues)?
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that!!! I always hope someone enjoys my ramblings lol. I definitely think John was deeply shaped by abandonment trauma and neglect, having had caregivers leave him, neglect him, and pass away during his childhood and adolescence, and I think you can see a mix of fear, shame, and anger connected to abandonment/rejection throughout his adult life. 
The best description I’ve read for the mindset of a child in a tumultuous family system is “Don’t let me disappear.” I touched on this here, but it all comes back to the deep, primal knowledge that without a caregiver you will die. It’s called existential fear because it’s quite literally a fear of nonexistence – it’s the knowledge that the only thing between you and death is the adult world, clashing with the knowledge that the adult world is inconsistent and unreliable. It's your survival being fundamentally dependent on a world you can’t control and, based on your experience of it, can’t trust. 
Ideally, children would never be confronted with the possibility of a caregiver dying, leaving, or neglecting them. But obviously John experienced at least two of those things, and arguably all three, and that means he was probably very acutely aware of death as a constant presence in his life. 
I know the way both Julia and Alfred abandoned him is already pretty heavily discussed, but one thing I don’t see people talking about is his life when he did live under Julia’s care.
I'm also not sure abandon is the right word for what Julia did, because I'm under the impression she may not have felt she had a real choice, but regardless it would have been abandonment to John. Children don't really understand that adults also don't control the adult world, and I'm sure he felt that if Julia wasn't his primary caregiver it was because she didn't want to be.
I don’t have an enormous amount of detail on this, but I know from this piece by Psychology in Seattle that Julia would leave John physically alone for long periods of time, particularly at night, to the point that he would have panic attacks and beg neighbors for help. And, again, when children feel abandoned or neglected it’s dying that they’re afraid of. He wasn’t just lonely and confused – though I’m sure that was part of it – he was existentially terrified. Through that experience of serious neglect, being unloved and rejected translated literally to death, which will set a horrible schema in a child's mind.
I think people might ignore this part of John's life because there’s a chance he can’t remember it, but aside from the fact that trauma can lead to early formation of memories, you don’t actually have to be able to remember something in order to be shaped and traumatized by it. And living with an early-childhood trauma you can’t remember, but which still shaped your brain and your perception of reality and your ability to ever feel okay, is a very painful and complex experience. In some ways trauma lives in the brain more than the mind, and being inside of a brain that’s been misused and twisted in a way you can’t get any clarity on is uniquely terrible. I genuinely don’t know if John could remember his early childhood, but there’s no way that experience didn’t instill deep trauma and permanently alter the way he saw and interacted with the world by instilling an early, maladaptive schema. 
It might also be a good time to mention how a schema is defined, which is something I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly done before. This article about the connection between maladaptive schemas and depression is way too long and mostly irrelevant, but this part is important:
A schema may be defined as “any broad organizing principle for making sense of one’s life experience” (Young, Kloscko, & Weishar, 2003, p. 7). While schemas can provide useful heuristics with which to organize the world, they can also be maladaptive when they involve pervasive, inflexible, and dysfunctional cognitions (e.g., Young, 1990). Expanding upon 78 EBERHART ET AL. Beck’s (1967, 1983) cognitive theory of depression, Young (Young, 1990, 1994; Young et al., 2003) has suggested that there are a number of specific maladaptive schemas that develop in childhood and are elaborated throughout life that place individuals at increased risk for psychopathology
A more straightforward explanation might be that schemas describe how you think about the world, and you usually learn them as a kid (sometimes even before you learn to talk), and everyone has them but when they’re really rigid or really negative they can cause a lot of problems in your life. One schema might be ���I am unworthy of love.” That’s something a lot of people who experience early-childhood abandonment will develop, essentially explaining their abandonment to themselves by saying it must have been their own fault for not being lovable, and it echoes through their adult relationships by making love feel impossible or fake because it conflicts with one of their fundamental beliefs. A schema could also be “Most people are bad and want to hurt you,” which would make positive relationships in general very difficult to form. 
John also had his primary caregiver change early in life, when he went from being under Julia’s care to Mimi’s, which is always traumatic for children. It’s like being abandoned, except you’re also now dealing with a new caregiver who you don’t know and don’t know how to deal with. All the little things you learned for managing your relationship with your initial caregiver, the knowledge of how they usually react to things and how you can keep them appeased and thereby keep yourself safe, a sense of familiarity and the ability to know if you’re okay -- it's all stripped away, and it's utterly destabilizing and therefore terrifying. It can also make children very scared of feeling loved, because they’ve been taught on a deep level that being given love is a precursor to having love taken away. Of course, it can also make children desperate to feel loved, to be someone it’s impossible not to love. Or it can be a combination of both. 
There’s also evidence that Mimi used emotional neglect as a punishment during John's childhood – i.e. gave him the silent treatment when he did things that upset her. This is already a pretty horrible thing for a parent to do with an adult child, much less a young child who still feels (and is) utterly dependent on their caregiver for survival. I doubt I have to explain why using existential horror as a tool to torture your child when you’re unhappy with them is incredibly cruel and destructive, but it’s even worse for a child who already had a history of abandonment and neglect. And I think by reactivating his abandonment trauma in order to punish him or express dissatisfaction Mimi probably instilled in him very deeply that feeling unloved or rejected is something people do to you intentionally, because they want to see you hurt, because you've made some kind of mistake that displeased them. It would be so difficult for John to see any slight hint of rejection as anything but an intentional, malicious act meant to convey disapproval or retaliation, a conscious choice to hurt him in the absolute worst way possible because they felt he did something to deserve being hurt in the worst way possible. Because, in his experience, that’s exactly what it was.  
This would have created so much shame and self-hate connected to any kind of abandonment, as well as deep mistrust for people he loved and who therefore had the power to reject him. And for most people shame, self-hate, and mistrust are transmuted to anger and then to cruelty. I think you can see a bit of this with how John tended to react with anger when he perceived himself as rejected or overlooked (see also: John’s later relationship with George). Rejection, abandonment, and neglect were incredibly sharp tools in John’s world, both in how they were (sometimes unintentionally) used against him, and in how he himself used them when he felt abused and betrayed. 
Then when he’s still an adolescent Julia dies suddenly, and while John did have a positive relationship with her at the time of her death, it would be hard to construe it as an ideal mother-son relationship. And even if you’re past the point of wanting an ideal relationship with your parent, the fact that you didn't have one (and, in John’s case, that he’d never had a truly healthy relationship with any caregiver) will always be a source of grief. 
Not that it isn’t also horrible to lose a parent who’s been good to you (as with Paul), but it’s the difference between the emptiness of losing something wonderful and the emptiness of never having had that wonderful thing in the first place, and knowing now that you never, ever will. Even if the relationship were already dead, a parent’s death is often when you grieve what you could or should have had, and it’s like any grief in that it never completely leaves you. And the schema you build around that emptiness in order to make it survivable is usually very persistent, too. 
That being said, there’s such a thing as corrective experiences, where (usually through therapy) you reshape your experience of the world and by extension your schemas. My point being that trauma isn't fate and things can always get better.
I also think Mimi was one of these people who expresses love through control and criticism (would love to know more about her and Julia and Alfred’s childhoods, but a lot of that seems pretty opaque, which is so bizarrely universal for toxic caregivers – you know they came from somewhere, but you don’t know where, so you’re trying to draw compassion out of thin air and it’s hard). And there’s a lot to be said about how this translated to John’s relationships with women, how he was shaped by two powerful female presences in his early life who likely never made him feel fully loved, while simultaneously reiterating that being unloved is death. There are also multiple relationships with potential male authority figures that probably connected back to a perpetual state of mourning for his relationship with his father. 
I also think he’s probably like pretty much everybody who had a childhood dominated by fear in that he spent his adult life coping with anxiety and depression, and I’m guessing he was someone whose anxiety probably never dropped below about a 6/10. It’s actually kind of consistent that when people with this kind of childhood get into therapy they rate their anxiety based on their experience of the world, which is that you never really feel okay, you just feel better or worse, so they think their anxiety is around a 3-4. And then over time they start to experience moments of true calm and they realize their default state for most of their life was actually being at least somewhat activated, like a 6+, and that’s why it was so hard to think straight or keep their cool or look at things in a reasonable way. People always say you get the worst of someone when shit hits the fan, but the thing is that for some people that’s just what a normal day feels like. I don’t know how true that is for John, but I do think it’s possible, especially in his early life. 
Anyway, this is way too long, but thank you so much for the question!
32 notes · View notes
sky4cherry · 9 months ago
Note
Do you have any chetsoda headcanons in regards to them being sick and/or them meeting each other's friend groups as one partner or the friend groups finding out? Or on how they hide their relationship from their friend groups? - 🍀
okay i'm currently sick actually so i'm gonna focus on the friend group questions LMAO also in case anyone's wondering how i'm coping post rj paul-gate ... i'm not 🫶
okay so they'd have to meet each other's friends after dating for a while just because they have to figure out if they're really willing for their friends to know that they're 1. queer 2. dating someone from the other side of town
chet meeting darry and pony is ... interesting
pony's obviously 14 and kinda hates the socs with a violent passion because they jumped johnny (setting these hcs pre-canon btw so no fountain shenanigans)
darry has his own feelings about it all because of how things ended between him and paul
but when they see how hard chet's trying, and how softly soda reassures him when he thinks his brothers aren't looking, they're won over immediately
when chet accidentally lets it slip that his home life isn't great, it's darry who offers for him to stay the night, which has soda literally bouncing off the walls in happiness because he's so happy that darry's giving chet a chance
unfortunately pony is still 14, but he keeps his comments to himself, even if he's squinting at chet the whole time and trying to seem menacing
soda meeting bev and brill?? oh dude
well chet's first mistake was interrupting them at the drive-in to pull them away right to the back to meet soda
bev was already pissed off
when chet introduces them to soda and says "we're kinda going steady" brill is literally 🧍 "oh"
honestly brill's replaying every single interaction he's had with chet where someone's tried to set him up with a girl and chet just went "nope!"
bev immediately goes off on one about how chet should know better than to date a greaser (but she has no issue with him being queer !! ), which soda was expecting, but chet's just kinda there like ☹️ because he was really holding out hope
and when bev and brill notice he looks really upset, and like he's trying not to cry, they immediately swoop in to comfort him and promise that they don't think of him any differently
bev says she'd be willing to give soda a chance, meanwhile brill is already exchanging contact details with him because he is a sociable diva 🫶
40 notes · View notes
where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year ago
Text
I am fascinated by the interactions between chani and gurney and chani and Jessica. Here you have three people who are very important to paul and who care about him deeply but who all represent different parts of his identity. Jessica represents the bene gesserit and Kwisatz Haderach part of him, gurney the atriedes Duke, and chani his fremen side. What's interesting is they all want to protect paul, but each of them have a very different idea of how to protect him. For Jessica it's by using the power of the prophecy and Paul's power as the Kwisatz Haderach. For gurney its about military power, the atomics and the fremen army. And when it comes to chani well she's more interested in protecting his soul, helping him stay who he has chosen to be. However chani's want to protect paul more emotionally puts her at odds with gurney and Jessica who seem more concerned with his physical safety, which leads to some interesting interactions.
Chani very obviously mistrusts and dislikes both Jessica and gurney and I get the feeling she puts up with them because she knows they are important to paul. But she also knows that they both have there own ideas of who paul should be, she knows that they both want paul to grasp for power and she knows this could change paul, that it could take him away from her and we see this in the scene where she asks if he'll always be with her, it's showing that fear she has that he won't be.
There's that really interesting scene between Jessica and chani after paul drinks the wol, where Jessica comes to wish chani luck. It's interesting to me that Jessica seemed to have the desire to fix the relationship between chani and paul, she kind of advocates for him by telling chani he didn't have a choice. We see earlier as well when she tells paul that she's sorry about chani, thing is I actually do think she means it, I think she is genuinely sorry that her getting what she wants has caused this rift between paul and chani, almost like she feels a bit of guilt over it but still believes her means justified the end. It's the same when she wishes chani luck for the fight ahead, I genuinely think Jessica doesn't want any harm to come to chani. I do wonder if this is because paul and chani remind her of the love she herself had with leto and maybe she wishes in an ideal world paul could have both be the Kwisatz Haderach but also still be with chani, but I could be misinterpreting that.
Chani's response to Jessica wishing her luck is honestly understandable, zendaya did such a good job delivering that line, 'I'd wish you the same, but it seems you've already won your battle.' It's so full of bitterness but it's also chani calling Jessica out, she's come here all pleading almost and almost with an olive branch but chani is having none of it. As angry as she is at paul for drinking the wol, she knows that Jessica put a lot of work into manipulating both her people and paul, fanning the flames of the prophecy. They were both kind of battling over Paul's soul in a way and Jessica just won that battle, which makes chani feel bitter and angry and I think she holds a lot of resentment towards Jessica.
Then we have those scenes with gurney. As I said above it was clear from the moment he showed up that chani didn't trust gurney and again its understandable considering one of the earliest interactions they have is her overhearing gurney trying to persuade paul into using the prophecy and the fremen army to avenge his father. We get that little moment where her and paul are watching gurney trying to set up his tent and failing miserably, despite her mistrust of gurney when Paul says he is family chani still goes to help gurney showing that she is willing to put aside that mistrust for Paul's sake.
Then we have the war council scene where gurney very much is almost controlling chani, pulling her down when she starts shouting about the prophecy being fake and a means to control them, stopping her from interfering when Paul makes the crowd angry and pulling her down again when everyone bows to paul. But what is interesting to me is yes gurney is constantly stopping chani because he wants paul to get power and doesn't want her getting in the way of that, but there's also this underlying concern for her I think. He says when he pulls her down the first time that she'll get herself in trouble. Maybe I am wrong, but I also feel like maybe he stopped her jumping in when Paul angered everyone, partly because he didn't want her to get hurt. When you look at gurney's character in the first film he was the loyal guard of the Atreides, it was his job to keep the family safe, the Duke, Jessica and their son paul. To me it makes sense then that now that he sees paul as the Duke, he sees chani as he sees Jessica as the duke's lady/partner. So it would make sense if he feels a certain obligation to protect chani and keep her out of harms way.
It's fascinating to me how you've got these three individuals who all care about paul and who are all important to him and yet they are all kind of obstacles to each other's own motivations when it comes to paul and on chani's part there is also that mistrust and dislike over what Jessica and gurney are doing to paul. But despite that there still seems to be this concern for chani's safety from both Jessica and gurney, like they know what it would do to paul if harm were to come to her. They all come from different places and have different wants and views yet they are all connected by that one thing, their love for paul, and I just think that brings about some really interesting dynamics between the three of them.
58 notes · View notes
davidisnotmyname · 7 months ago
Text
okay I do think that the adrenaline coursing through my veins while reading the comic for the first time has somewhat faded, and the rose colored glasses I was wearing have turned into normal colored glasses cuz my vision still sucks regardless. Anyways I wanted to actually share my opinions on the story of the comic and how it was handled. As you should be expecting by now, major spoilers for the seventh comic ahead:
First off, I want to make it clear that any criticisms I have are not meant to be a dig at the artists and writers. They could have easily left the project as dead, but they decided to give us all closure after seven years. The comic team is chock full of incredibly talented creatives, and I have only the utmost respect for the time and energy they put into this project. I am incredibly grateful for that. Additionally, I am not an expert on storytelling, nor do I claim to be. I’m just a neurodivergent kid who feels insanely strongly about this game and fandom, and I felt compelled to share my personal feelings. Anyways, yeah here’s what I think:
I am… a bit upset with how they managed the characters in this comic. Not in terms of mischaracterization, they did a fine job with that as per usual. However, it really feels like the mercs got totally sidelined in the comic about the game that they’re literally the main characters of. Most of them had barely any lines (if I am recalling things correctly, Medic did not speak once(obviously pyro doesn’t actually speak, but there wasn’t any mmph-mmphing to be seen anywhere either), Demoman and Sniper had like one line each, and even the mercs who did have more significant line counts felt largely overshadowed by other characters). In my personal opinion, the only merc who had significant contribution to the plot through his lines was Engineer and maybe Spy (soldier and heavy talk quite a bit, but it feels like soldier is only really talking for exposition and to connect to the time skip, and heavy is there to save his ass from the Korean mafia).
They were treated more as background characters than anything. A vast majority of the scenes involve the mercs just standing in the general vicinity of characters like Pauling and Admin as the actual plot happens. It’s disappointing since this was kind of a last hurrah for official lore and characterization regarding the mercs. This was already an issue in the previous comics (with characters like pyro being largely ignored and just hanging out in the background), but it’s increased tenfold here.
also, I cannot express my sadness enough about how we got basically no detailed interactions between the mercs other than spy and scout (duh) and heavy and soldier (double duh). Tf2 is such a unique circumstance in regards to its characters. They are exaggerated and cartoonish in their personalities, but they’re still fueled by their own motivations, fears, and emotions. They’re really fun to watch interact with their world and each other, and that opportunity kind of got chucked out of the window.
A prime example of this would be Medic and Heavy. And no, before you start saying “oh you’re just upset that they weren’t made canon,” I’m not talking about shipping necessarily (although it would have been really nice to have a canon queer couple, especially after so many years, plus their romantic dynamic is really enjoyable at least for me, but hey, it would be kinda out of left field if they were suddenly explicitly). Let’s take a look back at the previous comic, shall we?
in that comic, the very climax is centered around their relationship. Medic dies and goes to hell and Heavy beats the shit out of the Classic Heavy, quite literally stating he didn’t care if he died as long as Classic Heavy suffered. Keep in mind, they haven’t seen each other in months, and they’ve only reunited for like five seconds maybe before Medic is killed. Their bond is explicitly depicted and is used as a tool to move the plot forward. What do we get for the final comic?
uh… well, they certainly stand next to each other multiple times.
ALSO, even simple interactions between the mercs contributed so much to the story, even if it was just the humor of it or just small glimpses into their characters. The whole conversation between Medic and Demo about his eye, Sniper and Spy mildly beefing but ultimately sharing cigarettes while they’re both severely wounded, Heavy and Scout’s conversation on the motorbike. These brought so much life into the story, but in the seventh comic, they took like two dynamics (soldier with heavy and spy with scout) and just ran with it. I wish we could have seen the mercs actually do shit, to basically sum up my incoherent attempt of making a point or two.
20 notes · View notes
l0stfoster · 9 months ago
Note
PLEASE what do you think the gang’s reactions would be when they find out that Paul and Bob were like Darry and Sodapop
I need the ANGST
OK OK, SO We talked about this., kinda. Only 3 people were discussed and the rest haven't been sorted out, so for now you can have those, and I'll either reblog or edit this in the future to add the rest. As usual for big blocks of text, all below the cut!
JOHNNY:
- First one to find out funnily enough; obviously on accident. - On Dia de Muertos Johnny gets something like the Coco treatment, but it’s more or less just he can see all the spirits instead of full skeletons. He doesn't interact with them so they don't know that he - He finds out purely because Bob's ghost does not leave Paul's side once during the entire day. Lingers with him the entire time - Johnny maybe expected Bob to be around Cherry, but Paul?? Not the expected outcome. It's what gives him the hint and as he looks back on a few things the dots connect. - Johnny apologizes about Bob's death after that (more for the fact that yk it wrecked people as it did, he won't apologize for doing it when he though they were killing his best friend though.) - Paul realizes he figured it out fast L - Paul's tryna avoid letting on that the apology does kinda heal a part of him and Johnny just being like “you don’t need anyone’s permission to mourn him yk” - Johnny's very emotionally mature in this au, if you can't tell - Paul elects to ignore him either way - Paul, holding back tears after Soda’s smile looks a little too familiar: We weren’t even that close - Hit Johnny with a "He wasn't my brother at all" and gets a simple response of "I never said he was" - Self-callout right there, Johnny doesn't bring it up much after that- mostly because it's the kind of thing he can't exactly bring up publically. - He has sort of mixed feelings; obviously, it's weird to find out this guy who's kinda your friend now cares so much about someone who hurt you, but at the same time, he's able to understand that his own feelings about Bob don't change the ones that Paul once held for him.
DARRY:
- Finds out second, and once again on accident. - Paul has an accident with his magic; spell requires a LOT of it but his back sigil is having a flareup of sorts, and it's making him short out a lot. He tries to force his magic through it and, long story short, the scar rips open as if it were freshly carved. - Darry gets to hear that scream from inside the house L. He's the one who patches Paul up bc bro will NOT fuckin' calm down enough for literally anyone else besides Darry to get close. - The only difference between healing as a kid and healing now is that Paul doesn't have a six-year-old Bob whining about piggyback rides. - Paul's so delirious and fucked up on whatever painkillers he's on that this fact breaks the dam. Darry finds him sobbing and the only answer Paul gives him is a weak "I miss Bob" - Darry asks him about their relationship after that; Paul is unfortunately not conscious enough to avoid the questioning, so he yaps. - Paul has a heart attack when he realizes Darry knows btw LMAO. Wdym he told his boyfriend that the guy who tried to kill his kid brother was one of the most important people to him?? Where is the breakup he knows it's coming - (Spoiler alert it never happens) - As I said in the post about Bob and Paul, Darry understands. He knows and he gets it. Sure, there's a part of him that wants to be a little more conflicted; but with their history, Darry probably met Bob on a couple of occasions and he knew how the guy could be when he isn't drunk and angry at the world.
PONY:
- Pony finds out on accident but very similarly to Darry; and by that I mean he overheard one of the conversations Darry had with a very delerious Paul. - Dude is NOT fuckin happy. And because Pony is also a dramatic little shit, he would just stop all attempts at bonding with Paul - The second Paul even knows that Pony heard and he’s like yeah. There goes that. There’s a reason he was doing so much to try and hide it. - Darry's there like "Can you try? For my sake at the very least?" Pony is stubborn as all hell and just goes "No." - Paul doesn’t even try to push things; which probably makes Pony even more petty bc teen logic. I found out something you purposefully tried to hide because it would ruin things and you’re not trying to fix things even though I’m making it clear I don’t like you?? The audacity - Pony doesn't use his head, like at all. (I fear I'm not a Ponyboy fan and that may be a little obvious) - Johnny and Soda are even like "Pone, that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day" when he explains it to them. - Darry and Johnny try to get them to talk by locking them in a room but Paul brute forces that open with his magic (yeouch to the back bc he's still healing) because god forbid he have to try to figure out what Pony wants from him. - Even Pony doesn't know what he wants, he's just a petty teen. - Pony doesn’t know what he wants and Paul thinks he wants him to apologize, but Paul is NOT going to apologize for missing the version of his little brother that he knew; Let alone the fact that he’s actively been trying to keep this hidden because he knew it wouldn’t work out well. - Pony snaps at him one day and yells about how he can't understand how Paul could love a person who tried to kill him and Johnny, especially after becoming close with them and the gang; Paul's defense is an equally loud response about how Pony has no clue who Bob is beyond what he and Johnny perceived him as, and that if Pony can like Dally despite Dally being also not really a good person the least he can do is silently miss his brother. - It leads to a long argument that progressively gets less loud, eventually, they're sitting next to each other and quietly talking. - Paul may be crying but they will not acknowledge that - They do not tell others that Paul was crying or that they re-bonded, The gang only knows when Pony rolls up to lunch like “The west side is playing Paul Newman :hehe: “ and Paul just sighs and goes “Let me finish my food.”
After all this Paul ends up being even more quiet about Bob bc god forbid this happens again he’d rather die, Two of the Curtis’ + Johnny knowing is enough for him. Stops wearing Bob’s ring and avoids anything that reminds him about it However, he does maybe talk to Darry about it a little bit every so often. Mostly when he's drunk.
Darry: "This is your sixth beer in an hour, what’s got you so upset?" Paul, muffled: "Bob would’ve been 20 today" Darry: :bro: “Oh-“
Glad that the other writers amuse my habits
Tumblr media
40 notes · View notes
deeply-unserious-fellow · 1 year ago
Text
Things in Zombies Re-Animated that I can't stop thinking about/just stuck out to me Idk:
Bartleby. He is very cute.
Like literally one of the best looking scenes in the entire show is the bit where he licks the sandwhich Dae gave him. The way his eyes close and his ears go back makes me so happy I love it when animals do that
Also Bartleby screaming in Something to Tok About is a really funny gag Idk-
The animals in this show are all great tbh I love that so many characters get to have weird little pets
WHEN BUCKY MET BARKY IS SUCH A SWEET EPISODE SJFNVKEMFMEMDN
Bucky somehow picking up on Dae being an introvert before anyone else does???
The Trevor Tordjman jumpscare in Something to Tok About
Shrimpossible
Bucky loving cool frogs, mostly because it's a mood
Just Bucky in general tbh
Also I really like Dae! I was kinda worried she would be annoying, because one of her defining traits is how quirky she is and that kind of character can get annoying FAST, but so far Dae's actually been really fun!
Also I think it's very funny that her VA(Kayhun Kim) was in Cocaine Bear
The Mothership not being Ru Paul anymore. A VERY understandable choice(getting Ru Paul back would be EXPENSIVE), but disappointing none the less
The fact that Bree canonically writes fanfic about A-spen and Wynter because she has a weird disconnect between them being her friends and them being her favorite band-
The fact that Wyatt and Eliza actually got together and then broke up over the course of like, 5 episodes? Which isn't a bad thing! I think their relationship was actually handled really well, which is why I'm gonna be thinking about it a lot lmao
WE'RE BRINGIN IT IS STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT H E L P
Bucky and Willa being friends. Them being friends is very important to me.
Zeddison. Just Zeddison. I love them <3
Willa and A-spen BARELY interacting in the first 11 episodes :(
Willa and Bree friendship :)
Bucky and Dae friendship :)
S p a g h e t t i W a t e r f a l l
Im glad Trevor Tordjman is ACTUALLY singing again in the show. If you don't count rapping(which I don't bcuz rapping and singing require different skill sets), he hasn't had an actual solo part in anything since like. Fired Up Competition. Which is weird cuz he's actually a pretty decent singer???
I'm also glad we get to hear Kylee Russell sing more!!! Her voice is so pretty :)
The soundtrack in general is really good
Eliza singing a love song to a vending machine
Addison and Bree's joint hallucination being the thing to prove to them they're still besties. Only real ones share hallucinations fr
Coach and the Solstice Slasher being highschool besites???
RAZZMATAZZ!!!!!!!!
Just Coach and his relationships in general tbh
The poster of Eliza in Invasion of the Bucky Snatchers. That image is going to haunt my nightmares f o r e v e r
SERIOUSLY I LITERALLY CANNOT GET WE'RE BRINGIN IT OUT OF MY HEAD IT'S TOO FUCKING CATCHY-
Also my brain has constructed a version of It's Okay where Wyatt's part is replaced with the chorus of I'm Not Okay, I Promise by MCR and that won't get out of my head either 💀
Also also every time I see the title of that song I start thinking about It's Alright by Mother Mother?
Basically everytime I think about It's Okay I get every song EXCEPT It's Okay stuck in my head. For some reason
And then We're Bringin It gets sTUCK IN MY FUCKING HEAD AGAIN SERIOUSLY IT WON'T FUCKIN L E A V E
Bucky is canon m-spec and polyamorous that one scene in A Wyatt Place confirms it I'm nOT INSANE I'M NOT-
I miss the Aceys 😔
This show has a surprsingly similar sense of humor to South Park and Smiling Friends? Like obviously it's really toned down because Re-Animated is on fucking Disney Channel, but like... idk it has the same vibes
The Blob
I wanna know when the rest of the season is coming out cuz I need moooooooore
48 notes · View notes
tossawary · 11 months ago
Text
I'm letting the 1984 "Dune" film play in the background and there's a LOT to say about this beautifully campy ridiculousness, but the part that's really getting me is the "inner voices". The audience at times hears the internal thoughts of various characters, presumably taken largely from the book, in a whispery voice. And it's not even just from Paul! It's from his mother and father and other characters as well, each making various observations and sometimes delivering exposition via their thoughts shared in voiceover narration.
Character A: "Greetings, Character B."
Character B: "A pleasure, Character A."
Character A: (inner voice) "That special outfit indicates that this person is secretly working for our enemies."
I made this exchange up, but that's the vibe here and it's wild. It's shockingly frequent too! Directly sharing character thoughts like this is something I'm used to seeing only in older novels, comics, and anime, due to the strengths and limits of their mediums. Like, the last thing that I was watching with any "tell, don't show" device similar to this was probably "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure"! It's striking (not a compliment) when other live action film (including the most recent "Dune" films) tends to prefer using actors' expressions and body language to communicate certain "unspoken" ideas like suspicion or affection or awe, and to let other sweeping visuals and musical cues speak for themselves as well.
You can also just have the lights go out, zoom in on a character's face, and have them whisper aloud, "Sabotage!" if you need to be that blunt about it, rather than have us hear the character's thoughts directly. You can insert a conversation of "as you know" technobabble between characters if you really have to do hasty exposition.
I don't want to call this film style "bad" exactly, inherently. But it's more than a little confusing when some characters are a little telepathic(?) and lighting is dim, so I'm briefly unsure which characters actually heard certain lines.
And I do personally think this kind of heavy-handed bluntness generally undermines what can be achieved with acting, sound design, music, set design, prop design, costume design, and so on. And I also think that a degree of uncertainty for the audience can be good for tension anyway. These inner thoughts being shared in this film are generally not ideas that couldn't be communicated through acting, visuals, or direct dialogue between characters, so this choice by the film often feels redundant and clumsy to me. Let the actors do what they're good at! Good actors can often communicate their emotions and thoughts to us without words! Or they can at least stand there while a majestic musical score communicates to us the depths of the character's grief and determination.
Like, not every use of voiceover narration in film is a bad thing. It's a choice. Sometimes it works really well and sometimes it doesn't. Voiceover narration often gets used at the beginning of films because it's an efficient way to quickly convey a lot of exposition and set the tone of the story!
But this film seems like it has a bad case of "science fiction is obviously too confusing for movie audiences to follow just by watching the characters move through the world and interact with each other, so we had better hold their hand every step of the way via voiceover narration constantly overshadowing the acting and musical score". It's not really helping the story, in my opinion. It's not letting the film breathe. Though "showing" in storytelling is often preferable, "telling" in a story is not always bad, but damn, this is a LOT of "telling" for an audio-visual medium.
32 notes · View notes
danicamaximoff · 2 years ago
Text
Pretend To Be Nice | Chapter One
 next chapter | masterlist 
Chapter One: Bowling Alleys and Balding Men
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Summary: A few months after forming their band "The Pussycats", Hazel and her friends PJ and Josie get noticed by a record label, and are quickly skyrocketed into fame. It's a dream come true for them, and all three of their lives are flipped upside down. Their quick arrival on the scene quickly draws the attention of many other artists and bands, including a popular girl band called "Nymphology". Unfortunately for Hazel, a mix-up and unintentional awful encounter ends up creating tension between the two groups right before they all leave for Nymphology's upcoming tour. Now forced to frequently interact with someone who she was convinced couldn't stand her, Hazel is desperately trying to fix things with the band's lead guitarist. However it doesn't help that Y/N is actively avoiding Hazel as much as possible, and the fact that Hazel found her insanely hot definitely didn't make things any easier.
Warnings: angst, rockstar au, eventual smut, slowburn, swearing, occasional alcohol mentions/use
Word Count: 2450
Tumblr media
Hazel had always joked about starting a band one day and blowing up and getting super famous. When she was little, and her parents were still together, she used to dress up like Freddy Mercury and perform one-woman concerts of her favorite queen songs for her parents. Sure, third grade Hazel was definitely way off pitch, but after the third night in a row of being forced to sit through her completely butchering the high notes in Bohemian Rhapsody, Hazel’s parents quickly enrolled her in voice lessons. 
For Halloween during the fourth grade she went as Paul Simmons from Kiss. Most of the girls came as fairies or princesses, even a few witches, but not Hazel. She showed up to class with a shit eating grin on her face, waving at people as she passed by as they stared, smiling to herself about how cool people must think she looks. However, apparently people were less impressed than she thought, as during lunch a few of the girls from her class came up to her, giggling to themselves as they approached. 
One of them had asked why she looked so weird, and Hazel, assuming they wanted to know more about the band Kiss, began rambling about the band and her costume, eager to talk about her current obsession. They invited her to play with them during lunch, and even let her reenact songs and clips she had seen of the band from concert videos on YouTube, which she was more than happy to perform, as she had thought she was making friends, and they were genuinely interested in the band. 
However, later that day while waiting to get picked up, she learned that wasn’t the case, as she overheard the girls from lunch laughing with each other as they all made fun of Hazel, unaware she had been listening. Needless to say, Hazel didn’t go trick or treating that year.
In an attempt to make her feel better, a few days later her parents offered to sign her up for guitar lessons, which she quickly agreed to, convinced this was finally the start of her path to becoming a rockstar. She figured it would be easy, and once she became a master at guitar everyone would obviously want to be her friend. After all, who didn’t want to be friends with a super rich and famous rock star? Unfortunately, apparently it is much harder to learn the guitar than it seemed, and was much harder than the songs she would play on Guitar Hero afterschool, so she quit guitar lessons. 
She decided she would put her efforts into something easier, and also way cooler, and that year for Christmas her dad bought her a drum set, and she started learning how to play the drums. Turns out it’s way more fun to learn to play an instrument when your tiny elementary-schooler fingers aren’t in almost constant pain, and you get to hit stuff with sticks and make a lot of noise.
As the years went by she got better and better at the drums, meanwhile, her parents' marriage got worse and worse. Turns out aggressively whacking your drumsticks while you drown out your thoughts by playing the drums is a very good way to deal with all the negative emotions surrounding your parents’ divorce. 
In high school she met PJ and Josie, and for the first time in years, she felt like she actually had friends. Sure, maybe Josie and PJ hung out a lot more than the three of them did, and PJ always sort of changed topics whenever Hazel brought up cool facts she found out space and NASA, and maybe she’d groan everytime Hazel mentioned Orcas, especially during the period where Orcas were frequently attacking and sinking yachts, but Hazel didn’t mind. That’s just what friends do. 
She had brought up starting a band a few times, as she knew Josie could play the guitar, (How she handled the near constant feeling of sore fingertips and the sound of your nails scratching the metal strings the wrong way was beyond Hazel, but that’s besides the point) but every time she mentioned it would be cool or fun, Josie just said she’d be too scared, and PJ said it was lame.
So imagine Hazel’s surprise when PJ comes bursting into Hazel’s dorm one day during their sophomore year of college saying they all needed to start a band. Hazel was immediately onboard, though very confused as PJ had always said it was lame when Hazel brought it up, and initially Josie was against it, as she had stage fright, but PJ wouldn’t shut up about it, swearing up and down that if they started a band chicks would be lining up just to make eye contact with them, eventually wearing Josie down and getting her to say yes.
Hazel, of course, was the drummer, Josie played the guitar, and PJ, well, for a while PJ couldn’t decide what to do besides sing, and was totally against Hazel’s idea of playing the cowbell, claiming it was “dumb” and that “no girl looks at someone playing the cowbell and gets turned on.” Josie eventually got PJ to play the tambourine though, since PJ had awful stage presence, so she needed at least something to do while singing to distract from the fact that she had no clue how to perform on a stage. Hazel had tried giving her tips a few times, but PJ never accepted the help.
This led them to their current situation, as Hazel had pulled a few strings and got her classmate who worked at a local bowling alley to convince the manager to let Hazel and her friends play gigs once or twice a week there. PJ was convinced they were going to blow up and become super famous, but they had been playing at the bowling alley for a few months now, and the only thing that seemed to be “blowing up” was the bathroom during the occasional kids birthday parties that were thrown there. Maybe they’d have at least somewhat of a following if their band had a name of some kind, (PJ swore the right name would find them when the time was right, but that had yet to happen), or if the manager let them play during special event nights, when there were actually teenagers and young adults here, but alas, they were stuck with no name, no label, and playing on a cramped stage in a shitty bowling alley while middle-aged men met for their bowling team practice and complained about their wives.
Tumblr media
“Hey guys, not to be like a buzzkill, but I don’t think the bowling alley is the best place to do gigs.” Hazel says as she stuffs her drum sticks into her bag.
“Yeah, I think Hazel’s right. I don’t think middle-aged men who are slowly balding at their weekly bowling team meetups are a great audience.” Josie says as she zips up the bag to her guitar case.
“What are you talking about? They love us! I literally saw Steve nodding his head to one of our songs earlier!” PJ says defensively as she scoffs and gestures to where the bowling team was sitting earlier.
“He wasn’t bobbing his head, he was drunk! He almost ate shit every time it was his turn to bowl!” Josie says as she rolls her eyes.
“Wait, seriously? How does that even work?” Hazel asks as she gives Josie a confused look from where she was sitting behind the drums.
“No, not seriously, Hazel! It’s a figure of speech!” PJ says as she rolls her eyes in annoyment.
“But you said-” Hazel says as she looks over at Josie with confusion.
“I meant he kept tripping and almost falling down. You know, like when someone falls on their face or something, people say they ate shit?” Josie says as she sighs as she cuts Hazel off and explains what she meant.
“Oooh. Yeah that makes more sense, you should’ve just said that.” Hazel says as she tilts her head back a bit in realization.
“Oh my god.” PJ says with an annoyed expression on her face. “Would you guys just trust me! We are going to get noticed! I swear! Maybe not… today… or super soon… But it will happen! There’s no way it won’t! And when we do, we’re going to get super rich, and super famous, and there’s going to be girls lining the block to see us, and everyone is going to wish they were us! I’m serious!” She says as she waves her arms around dramatically as she talks.
“PJ, that’s not going to happen! Stop lying to yourself! We are playing shitty gigs on shitty days of the week at a shitty bowling alley! We’re not going to get noticed! All this is doing is tanking my English grade because I’m practicing for these stupid gigs instead of writing my essays! It’s one thing if I was getting a C because people actually enjoyed and listened to our music, but the only people who are listening to us right now are a bunch of men who are going through midlife crises and give us weird looks! If I have to listen to them talk about Jimmy Buffet one more time I am going to lose my mind, PJ!” Josie says as she hoists the guitar case over her shoulder, clearly stressed out and looking a bit frazzled at the moment.
“Okay, I don’t think-” PJ starts to say, before Josie cuts her off.
“PJ, please! I can’t keep playing at bowling alleys!” Josie cries out dramatically.
“If you guys want I can reach out to my mom or something and see if-” Hazel starts to say, trying to suggest a way they might be able to play at places other than the bowling alley.
“No!” Both PJ and Josie snap at Hazel before turning back and continuing to argue with each other, causing her to wilt back in her seat a bit at the outburst.
“Okay, you know what? Fine! You win Josie! We’ll stop playing here, and we’ll figure out a name, or just stop the band all together and we’ll all die sad, miserable, lonely deaths!” PJ says as she snaps back at Josie. As they continue to argue, Hazel’s phone buzzes in her pocket, and she pulls it out to see a text from one of her classmates.
Emma (Calculus)
Hey! Random question, but you’re in a band, right?
That’s ironic. Hazel thinks to herself as she reads her classmates text and glances at PJ and Josie, who were still arguing, and looks back at her phone as she responds.
Hazel
Yeah! We just finished a gig! :)
Emma (Calculus)
Oh cool!
Are you guys free this Friday?
My brother’s throwing a party but the band he was going to have play canceled, would you guys be interested in playing? 
You don't have to be good lol, everyone will probably be super drunk anyways, he just likes live bands.
Hazel’s eyes go wide as she reads the text messages, blinking a few times in disbelief before looking up at PJ and Josie, who were still bickering with one another. “Guys, guys!” Hazel calls out as she tries to get their attention. “Guys, would you shut up and listen to me?” Hazel yells as she rolls her eyes, finally getting their attention.
“What do you want now, Hazel?” PJ asks as she looks at Hazel with an annoyed expression.
“I found us a gig! It’s this friday! This girl in my calculus class said her brother is throwing a party, and asked if we wanted to play!” Hazel says with an excited grin as she holds up her phone, despite the fact that PJ and Josie definitely couldn’t read it from where they were standing.
“Seriously? Holy shit! You said yes right?” PJ asks, both a shocked and excited expression on her face.
“No, because I wanted to make sure we were all free before-” Hazel starts to say before PJ cuts her off.
“Obviously we’re free! It’s a fucking party! See Josie? What’d I fucking tell you! I told you we’d get noticed!” PJ says as she hits Josie in the arm excitedly.
“We didn’t get noticed, PJ, Hazel just has friends.” Josie says as she gives PJ a look.
“So? That’s still technically getting noticed! We’re being asked to play at a party! I mean you just said you didn’t want to keep playing here, well here’s our chance! We have to do this! Just think of how many people are going to be at the party! I mean there’s gotta be at least a few girls who think we’re hot!” PJ says defensively as she rolls her eyes.
“Wait, are you only doing this to get with girls?” Hazel asks as she gives PJ a confused look. “I thought you actually wanted to be in a band and get famous and stuff.” She says as she frowns a bit.
“Yeah, I do! Because when you’re rich and famous everybody loves you and wants to be with you, and everyone who doesn’t is jealous of you and wants to be you!” PJ says with exasperation.
“Well I don’t think everyone-” Hazel starts to say, before PJ cuts her off.
“Okay, this is besides the point! We have three days before we play at the party, we need to figure out what we’re performing and find super hot outfits!” PJ says as she rolls her eyes and lets out an annoyed groan.
“Oh my god, there’s going to be so many people.” Josie says nervously as she looks away, eyes wide with fear.
“Yeah, so many people who are going to love us! This is our big break! After this we are going to become a party staple, and everyone is going to want us to play at their parties, and then from there, it’s only a matter of time before we get a record deal and become a global hit and the whole world knows our name!” PJ says excitedly as she waves her hands while she talks.
“If we’re going to play at parties and be super big and famous, don’t we kind of need a name?” Hazel says as she thinks, a confused look on her face as she looks back and forth between PJ and Josie, who both seem to remember they had yet to figure out a band name.
“We’ll do that tomorrow! We’ll all meet up and figure out a name for the band! It’ll be easy!” PJ says as she shrugs and looks at Josie and Hazel.
Tumblr media
I hope you guys like the first chapter lol. I'm trying to update as frequently as I can but I do have work and college so bare with me lol. also lmk if you want me to make a tag list!! dividers from @saradika and @animatedglittergraphics-n-more graphic made by me lol
106 notes · View notes
savagewilderness · 1 year ago
Text
youtube
How very dare Sam Reid stop right there as he's talking on playing the "version" of Lestat at the trial, saying "...but also it was kind of lonely as well, because... I'll stop..." SAM THAT IS THE EXACT PLACE NOT TO STOP!!!
I imagine he was going to say something about it feeling lonely to not be able to play a real character as you understand them...? Because here he has to play Armand's version of Lestat, with maybe a bit of Louis' Lestat (let's say... we haven't seen it yet, of course.) I honestly can't explain to you how unnerving I found Lestat in episode 3. I think the best expression of it is that on a purely aesthetic level, Lestat has never looked better to me than in his Harlequin attire, yet I can't *like* Harlequin Lestat at ALL because he may as well be a walnut shell without the walnut that is Lestat's SOUL within, for all the Lestat I feel from him and it is like a bottomless well to not feel the character you know Sam can give within that being! I found it personally sad that the first moments of The Vampire Lestat and the wolfkiller cloak we ever see are this not-Lestat. But y'know... it's the story.
And so, in the trial, well, the stakes are SO much higher. But if Lestat isn't real-Lestat, he also cannot interact with any other character as real-Lestat would and so surely in the mind of the actor it must constantly JAR against who you understand you are. And then, like how do you do it? Do you play 100% the version the person telling the story is presenting the character you are as? Do you add a layer of the actual character under it? I don't know what Sam has done here. But I did not feel real Lestat at all in Armand's Harlequin version (well, at least only in fleeting moments - for example when he dismantles the coven as that's the closest to real events... and that's still SO different, with Gabrielle obviously not there...)
Anyway, Jacob - Delainey, Sam... if you want us to "not think about it too much" you're absolutely in the wrong place!! Jacob! The birds are Louis fearing HE might go insane, in exactly the same way Paul did!!!
Interesting that that was supposed to be a bird in the throat... as it looks like... but the subtitles say it is a bat!!
Also I NEED TO HEAR Concerto for gashed throat and orchestra. I'm just saying - for me, it literally cannot be *too* weird. That's not a thing.
I'm also curious that the bondage vibe between Louis and Armand was supposed to be much more heightened... it would have given more context to Louis's vibe with Armand if we'd seen that. I'm very curious to hear more about that.
Interesting interview in any case, yay. Though it makes me nervous for the trial. I absolutely need an interviewer who could have got out of Sam whatever he was going to say next there though! That is not a place you can leave it! Lock the door till that sentence is complete. hahaha!
52 notes · View notes