#there are many ppl who don't like this relationship cuz it's toxic

[ssaalexblake]

Hot take but the kneel scene in spyfall is literally Tame for the doctor and the master, and I could provide a multitude of examples why and how (but not, I have to get ready to go out), but if This is your deal-breaker in context with All of their crap in general then it says far more about you than the show or the doctor and master's relationship on the whole.

I've seen people whine she's being submissive when no, she was threatened, if you want a submissive doctor look at ten who had the spinal strength of a wet strand of spaghetti when It came to the master. I've seen people use actively racist rhetoric around the whole situation. I've seen people use actively misogynistic rhetoric over the situation. Less seriously, I've seen the most media illiterate takes on the situation I can fathom that would have actively involved literally ignoring whole parts of the sequence to justify. I've seen some utter bullshit, basically.

Because as I said, for these two, him saying she kneel, her looking like she was planning a murder and doing it and then him immediately sinking to the floor with her and her immediately gaining the upper hand is the tamest of the tame. She then grinned like a shark bc he got injured, btw.

And I guess the question is, if you have an issue with this, and did Not with the two of them before this casting. Why not? This for them is tame, it was objectively bad, yes, but if this is bad then why isn't anything with the last two pairs on the shitlist? The master is a bad guy, first and foremost, to want him to behave well is naive as hell. To claim they'd not do this stuff to a white male doctor is patently false cuz we've seen them do it before.

The doctor and the master's characterisations have not changed here, the casting has. Any attempt at toning it down because the doctor is a poor waify blonde woman now would have been actively offensive in the kind of way you can't explain by saying this guy is a bad guy doing bad things. He does bad things. Of course it's offensive. It would actively be playing into sexist stereotypes narratively if you changed their dynamic bc the poor lady doctor can't handle the mean man.

I'm really sick of this discourse. If you're mad at chibnall era for making the master all Awful and Horrible bc they made 13 kneel at his feet, I have some bad news for you about how disgustingly simm treated ten. But most of the people saying this Do know that he did that and think it was a super cool plot.

Just because your clocking of abusive and toxic dynamics depends solely on the gender and/or race of the participants, doesn't mean it works that way for the rest of us. They've always been like this! Maybe use it as a learning experience. How about 'wow abusive dynamics are bad in any configuration' instead of 'this is obviously So Much Worse because the mean Asian man victimised the poor helpless white lady'.

The scene is not meant to portray something good. Literally even baby shows have characters do bad things to teach you how not to do things and to show how much they suck. Beyond that, it's not actually media's job to teach you morals anyway. You are not supposed to view a clearly bad scene as an endorsement of bad things, and if you missed that in lit classes, I'm not sure anybody can help you here.

[andypantsx3]

Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!

So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.

How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene

Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...

WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!

I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.

Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)

I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>

(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )

Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.

I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.

I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.

I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.

And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL

[sueske]

Do you think sns is toxic? People use this excuse to dislike sns all the time to explain why nh and ss are 'underdeveloped but at least they are healthy (nh more than ss)'. I don't agree with nh and ss shippers about them being healthier than sns (them believing it just make me want to scrub my eyes with holy soap), but I admit that sns is toxic if one only stans the fanon versions of naruto and sasuke who says that either one dominate the other (not equal in skills and relationship).

I think that canon versions of sns are toxic only on the surface level. People forget that sasuke and naruto are ninja, resolving conflict with a deadly battle (vote 1 and vote 2) is not considered... too toxic? I mean at least they meaningfully communicate before, during, and after the battle unlike the majority of ninja in the naruto world. They show vulnerability to each other compared to Hashirama-Madara and Obito-Kakashi fights (Naruto crying in vote 1 before Sasuke puts a chidori arm through his chest) (Sasuke screaming in vote 2 as he punches Naruto, uncharacteristically with eyes closed). After vote 2 they work together (not counting the monstrosity of boruto etc) and seem to have a relationship (platonic or romantic doesn't matter it's still love) that isn't about hurting each other (mentally or otherwise).

I’ve never been under the illusion that sns’ relationship is 100% perfect. Like most relationships tend to be, they are flawed in certain ways.

The people I’ve seen say sns are toxic cite the following reasons: naruto wanting to beat sasuke into submission and making him come back to konoha (vote1 and vote2), to make sasuke forgive konoha by working for konoha and covering up the massacre, saying he’d die with sasuke at the bridge, etc. It’s based on the violent nature of their encounters and the shutting down of sasuke’s wants.

People don’t put it into context though. Naruto said both at vote1 and vote2 that he never wanted those fights. I’ve spoken about it in another posts, vote1 was to prevent a friend from going to orochimaru and making sure he was safe, and vote2 was showing sasuke there were other ways to achieve his goals rather than take on the pain of the whole world on his shoulders and be alone for all eternity because that would cause sasuke pain. Idk why it’s so hard for ppl to understand this. 

Naruto’s first instinct was to tell everyone about the massacre before even confirming it. Kakashi was the one who stopped him. Then at the bridge naruto didn’t even need confirmation. He just said he understood sasuke’s actions. The choice to not tell anyone about the massacre - isn’t it common sense that naruto would eventually leave that choice up to sasuke given these reasons? If sasuke wanted ppl to find out, he would, and naruto would NOT say ‘no don’t’. kakashi would tho.

Naruto saying he’d die at the bridge with sasuke - while… romantic… it was not the best way to go about things. But sasuke said he was going to destroy konoha then. Naruto didn’t want sasuke to destroy konoha. So naruto was like: 'okay. though first, take out your anger on me. But just so you know, if we do fight… we’ll die.'

The intent behind SNS ‘toxic moments’ are founded on love for each other and the context of the times that they live in. They care for one another so much. They resort to violence because they're ninja after all, and they speak heart to heart through their fists. “I knew it was going to take more than just words to understand you.” "When 2 high level shinobi exchange blows they can read each other's hearts."

So, while SNS' relationship had elements to it that can be considered toxic, they ended up working through those. You know... their reconciliation.

Ss and nh are in a completely different ballgame. 

Pink girl just chases after sasuke cuz he’s a prize to her. What is ‘healthy’ about a girl that chases after a guy, after the guy told her ‘no’ so many times, a girl who doesn’t try to understand the guy and just resolves to kill him cuz oh no he’s evil :’(  pink girl only talking about HER feelings, both at the beginning and end of the manga. She never bothered to understand sasuke. “I can’t trade blows with you” read between the lines: 'I cannot read your heart.’ They were never meant to understand each other. “I have no reason to love her and for her to love me.” What is healthy about a relationship where the guy doesn't even see the girl for like 10 years... not because he can't but because he doesn't want to.

Lady h… I can’t even be bothered with her tbh. she admired naruto from afar but it’s moot if she never did anything about it. Naruto always maintained it was iruka and sasuke for him. what did lady h do? girl confessed in the middle of the battlefield only to get one-shotted by big boss pain in front of everyone and after the arc naruto just ignored her and was like ‘ANW SASUKE’ LOL. 

My point is, they’re one-sided. How are one-sided relationships healthy? And while sns did have their toxic moments, how come ppl misinterpret where they stemmed from, how they were eventually resolved, how Kishimoto took great care in showing that sns' feelings were reciprocated while the others weren't, when sns still have the strongest bond even post-naruto?

Sns are not perfect. but they're not toxic. and ss and nh aren't healthier either.

[realhumanithink]

hot take no one asked for: atyd is way too canon compliant for the marauders fandom

ok first of all i'd like to clear up some things. i know many people love it, it's a very very important part of the marauders fandom and it's very well written. no hate to enjoyers OR mskingbean89 (whom i respect very much, thank u). the wolfstar is definitely GOLDEN and the jily is adorable. this is a very personal view that i have been thinking about, and felt like sharing. also note that i dropped the fic and only got up till, like, fifth or sixth year

there are multiple things which id like to list from the fic that makes me not like it very much as a person with a lot of marauders hcs that are very much not canon compliant, and that feel like the author is writing from a very 'just entered the fandom cuz of wolfstar lol' understanding. again, absolutely NO hate intended, and ik the writing does NOT indicate how much the person understands about the fandom. also, understanding doesn't matter!! everyone who's part of the fandom is part of the fandom, and that's that.

keep in mind that these are things that I PERSONALLY hc. nothing is canon here in the marauders era fandom and if it is, it smells terrible and as such, everyone will have different ideas

also, while i'm at it, i'd like to compliment some things rq. remus portrayal and character development - PEAK. beautifully written. explanation and portrayal of mary (who's character i didn't really understand before reading atyd) - AMAZING. the relationship between the black brothers also made me cry (THE LETTER SCENE?!?!?! YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABT). also grant is my bbg

here's the list:

hufflepuff dorcas (who also dated pete???) (i hc her to be slytherin and also part of the skittles)

no dorlene (a ship that's basically slightly less popular lesbian wolfstar in terms of how many ppl add dorlene to their stories (a lot))

shy marlene (whereas marlene is usually depicted as very bombastic and explosive and also very much gay). actually i liked this portrayal of marlene which was very well written and also adorable but... idk i don't see marlene as a shy girl

no evan rosier/pandora rosier/(slytherin) dorcas? only barty and regulus (so basically, no slytherin skittles/royal court/pantheon)

on that note, obviously-mean reg? (as in, instead of quietly sneering at people like many of us hc him, he outright shames ppl for being gay) (also i didn't mention barty cuz we all know barty's a little shit)

very toxic sirius (who ignored reg just bc he was sorted into slytherin, who fwb with remus and acted like it was normal and straight (guys fwb w a guy as a giy id bery much not straight), who didn't do much but fuck girls and cheat on them, who was outwardly jealous and mean to christopher, who acted weird and badmouthed grant after learning he and rem used to be tgt)

sirius hating pete (although this makes sense and is a common viewpoint of the harry potter fandom especially that pete is annoying or unlikeable, it feels rly rly cruel and makes sirius even more unlikeable imo cuz WHAT did bbg do to u he's js a kid he hasn't killed no one yet?)

all of these points show that mskingbean89 doesn't seem to pay much attention to characters (or more specifically, the fanon interpretations of characters) other than wolfstar and jily. many of these are key hcs that can be found in 75% of marauders content at least (example, dorlene) and the hcs they have seem straight out of hp (the books). ONE MORE TIME FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK: THERE IS NO ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH THIS. i just personally don't see much of the content i love of the marauders characters (although ik that isn't the point of atyd, as it is wolfstar-centric)

ok that's all i got ty if u read this. pls do let me know ur opinion abt atyd! its def one of the pillars of the marauders era which many people use as canon and i don't mean to offend anyone in any way w this post. just an opinion

[acourtofthought]

Your latest post which includes sjm interviews made me noticed something...

That she had never intended to do 3 sister x 3 brothers!! Bc this is the biggest argument E/riels drop when they want to defend their ship. "Nesta and Feyre ended up being mates with 2 brothers so it's only acceptable and predictable that Elain is going to end up with Az." The next one is probably Elain's friendship with the twins which they say Rhysand x Feyre/ Amren/ Mor, Cassian x Nesta/ Gwyn/ Emerie and Azriel x Elain/ twins. They say "this has been 💫pLaNeD💫 form the BEGINNING. how could any other ships be acceptable?" And the third would be the 4 books build up between them which it always makes me laugh bc sjm has also build up a future for Elucien. Lucien being Day court heir and Elain love for gardening and sunshine and so many other reasons. And i don't think that's for nothing so...

Anyways the interviews just proves that sjm never had this idea to begin with and right now she just want to mess with fans lol like what she said about Tamlin and Feyre (and even then some ppl noticed how toxic their relationship was cuz there was little red flag in some scenes that makes you think twice about him.)

Which is working because we can see how E/riels will die to defend it. And I think this was intentional...

Again this just points out that she goes with what it feels right to the story and characters and from what we see and have in the books Elain and Az won't happen and I think that bonus chapter was their end...

Bc I don't think sjm is going to do an actual love triangle. Specially if it's going to be between 2 women (Gwyn and Elain) and it will never bode well with the audience...

(Unless Azriel miraculously stop acting like Elain is this poor girl who needs defending and keep her in the dark which I doubt that will happen.)

Also I don't see in sjm female characters to beg for a man specially Gwyn.

And Elain showing some backbone in acosf makes be believe that she won't sit down and let some man to defend her and protect her from danger...

I think Elucien and Nessian both prove that SJM never intended 3 brothers with 3 sisters. Not only did SJM intend for Nesta to be with Lucien until she realized they would be a poor match.....but that means she NEVER initially thought of someone being with Cassian. We have never been given any indication that Cassian was meant to have a mate UNTIL he and Nesta sat down at the table for one another and she realized that was it for the both of them so from both directions, 3 brothers with 3 sisters was never a thing. And back to Lucien....if SJM wanted Lucien to have a failed bond then she would have just kept him with Nesta and had those two break their bond. It really doesn't make sense to say, "Nesta and Lucien would cause one another pain and suffering so I'm not going to put them together.......so instead I'll pair him with Elain so SHE can cause him pain and suffering when she leaves him for someone else and rejects their bond."

[bloodmoon24]

Hi, its me again (📼 anon) and I hope you don't mind if I vent a little since you seem the kind of person to talk to. My main topic on this vent is about abuse so just a heads-up as a trigger warning.

So I'm going to admit this to you: a while back before Helluva Boss was out, I was a HUGE Vivziepop hater--like, I use to hate on her nonstop and not to mention I would also interact with antis and "critics" and rant with them. However, I was young and stupid and, honestly, I don't remember why I even started to hate her--probably because I was one of those people who seem to join in groups without any second thought.

And then, HB came out--and so I decided to watch it. I watched episode after episode, and I did rant after rant about how much wrong each episode was and did "critques" on them (it was only just stupid shit--even nitpicking the little things and just doung overlooked dumbass rants). However, one thing about Helluva Boss antis/critiques just LOVE to bash about was Stolitz--though, for me, I started to love the ship itself. Though, in fear of me of not wanting to look like I was starting to like it, I pretended to hate it even though I was starting to make it my OTP.

But then, when the first episode of the second season came out, that was when I made an 180 about my views on the show--mostly cuz I was now being more mature and I was now starting to notice how none of these critiques made no sense and/or they were just dumb because these antis were just hating on vivienne for no reason other than she just existed. Yeah, I know, its terrible because it is; not to also mention that most of these antis/critics always made assumptions that made me go "woah, wtf???"

One of the things antis/critics made it clear was one thing: Stella is a victim and Stolas is not and he's a bad guy cuz he cheated on her + many other ""opinions"" as to why she's a "good guy". This made me cringe and VERY infuriating on my part. I, a bi/pan genderqueer guy, was in a toxic and abusive relationship with an ex-girlfriend of mine who was also like Stella (minus being British)--she would hit me, calls me harsh names and insults, and would also throw things at me. I was with her for a good three years, before I decided I had enough of her shit and I promptly dumped her and called the police (she's still in prison to this day since I wanted to press charges and took this to court with a ton of evidence I collected to prove that she did those things). I've been with my boyfriend (non-binary demiromantic gay guy) for two-and-a-half years now and he makes me more happier than what my ex had for me. Obviously, I still have trauma from her, but I'm still trying to work it out with my best friend who is a therapist to go through it.

Seeing how these people will defend Stella, who is an ABUSER, just boggles me because I'm a victim of abuse and antis/critics will be like "stolas abuses blitz cuz he uses him for sex!!" but at the same time they'll support Stella and praise her for when there is implement/reference to her abusing Stolas. Like, I get it to how ppl will say she's a victim as well cuz she was forced into marriage with Stolas--which I get it, no doubt. I am not denying that--but people seem to forget that, in forced marriages, there is that one "spouse" who is a horrible person and will abuse the other. My oldest cousin on my mother's side is a victim of forced marriage, and he was abused by his "wife" for five years until he gained his independence by the help of his friends (including myself) to help move out and divorce her. He's now openly gay, and getting married to his fiancé in late October of this year.

It grosses me out, because I know damn well Stella is not a victim and these people are so hypocritical when it comes to it. She's not a savior, she's not a hero, nor does she deserve praise. I know Stolas is not perfect, but neither is Blitz and that's TOTALLY okay since no relationship is built to perfectness--and it were, then that's just being toxic and unrealistic. And since then, I am now a huge fan of Vivziepop and I rightfully got merch of both shows.

So yeah, that's my vent. Sorry if you had to read this wall of text in your inbox, but I know you would understand on why I had to vent like this. I kinda accidentally doom-scrolled the "anti stolitz" tag and I came across a post of someone cheering on for stella on abusing Stolas (ew, yucky, gross). But yeah, tl;dr: was a huge anti, turned my life around and became a fan after seeing ppl defend Stella of abuse as some who was a victim of said abuse, and fuck stella defenders :)

First of all, thank you for venting. You look like you really needed it, and I appreciate it

Second of all, thank you for telling me. Haters just don’t know when to shut up about these kinds of things. For me, I just ignore their ranting and just enjoy both shows that Viv made. There was literally no reason to hate on her. I JUST WANNA ENJOY A SHOW ABOUT GAY DEMONS WITHOUT PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT

Third of all, Stella defenders are also idiots as well. To be honest, I thought Stella was a victim in the second episode, until we saw her again, and now I’m like, “Yup. Stella’s a bitch, and she can fuck off”

Fourth of all, I’m so sorry you had to went through that kind of stuff with your Stella (glad you broke it off with her. She just seems terrible), and found someone that actually cares and loves you. It just seems so sweet

Fifth of all, congratulations for your cousin

Sixth of all, I’m glad you turn things around for your point of view, and that just makes me happy

[jakowskis]

SOMEONE ELSE WHOSE FAV GWEN MOMENT IS HER RETCONNING RHYS 🤝🤝🤝 briefly became the joker of my friend group for saying how much I love that scene. it's a delight

ITS A GREAT SCENE they were worried abt leaving it in the ep bc they knew it'd polarize fans + i know a lot of ppl do in fact hate that scene (gwen bashers who cant handle women's wrongs 🙄) but i love it. im a rhys enjoyer + i think he deserves the best AND i love how fucked up gwen treats him, these things can coexist. gwen and rhys are easily the most compelling canon relationship in tw to me just cuz they feel very real - we spend the most time with them and we see their ups and downs so often. i love how they oscillate between lowkey toxic as hell (people always hold gwen to a high standard but there was def a few times rhys made me 😬 over how he talked to her, too) and cute + stable. i love how theyre fucked up too, like with rhys being an everyman they could've easily kept him & gwen's relationship in a very boring uneventful place but no theyre nuanced anyway n i love it.

and with gwen! it's such a good peek into what kind of person she is (/pos - well, /pos in a sense of like 'i don't judge characters for their actions, i judge characters for being boring, so if a character compels me by having a shitty moment THAT'S wonderful'). i love the manipulativeness of it, the selfishness and desperation. gwen's 'tell me im good tell me im good tell me im good' (dee from iasip) moment hfsdjkds. she doesnt need genuine forgiveness (in a sense of rhys going "i know what you did and i forgive you for it"), she just wants empty words to give herself some peace of mind, bc if she actually told him she'd risk losing him and she isn't willing to let him go... i love that. i love it sm.

also interesting that it's featured in an episode about base human nature, about humans being stripped back to what's underneath, specifically the ugly bits - one of the themes of gwen's character is that she's a very "have my cake and eat it, too" sort. she's constantly trying to balance things that aren't compatible, like there's... mmm i can't think of or find a vocabulary word that implies an emotional/relational sort of greed dhsfkj. but that's present with her character as an underlying theme, it's like she spreads herself thin but not necessarily in a way that's detrimental to her? it's like she has this perpetual need to juggle many things just to prove to herself that she can. maybe she needs the stimulation, i dunno. i think it's an interesting quality. i think it's also something she's not necessarily proud of, maybe she feels gluttonous in it, which is why i mention it in the context of the 'combat' episode, where mark harps on and on about how modern men are angry and frustrated but not allowed to be, and how he thinks they should give into that base emotion in order to evolve. gwen does her own version of this, with pride/greed instead of wrath - she gives into her own selfishness, and her character evolves as a result. not for the better, according to some, but i personally find gwen's moral devolution super compelling. (also, on another note, the men feeling justified in giving into their ugly rage even though it's not socially acceptable, and in fact it not being socially acceptable makes them even more interested in doing it - but the woman giving into a cruel instinct but feeling intense guilt and shame for it even though it's a private moment... sounds about right.)

also ive said this elsewhere but in the director's commentary of that ep burn gorman was clapping his hands and giggling over that scene HFKSJDH one of us

[frigid666]

not my straight female coworker saying she likes going on grindr to hunt for closeted bi men cuz thats her preference (and she likes watching them hook up w other men) 🥴 she said she's "open-minded" like ma'am that is chaser behavior !!

straight women's biphobia against bi men is not talked about enough imo. i forgot who said this, but i read someone describe the way bi ppl exist in "open-minded" straight ppls heads as "gay ppl that they can date" and that's soo real. my theory is that the majority of male dv abuse victims are bisexual. it's hard to come across specific studies that discuss bi men's abuse in straight relationships (most the studies ive seen have been about bi men in same-sex relationships, and on top of that, many studies don't even bother to separate bi men and gay men either) but it makes sense to me that they would make up at least a good chunk of that demographic. their general abuse rates are insanely high, j like bi women's. if anyone knows any studies abt this pls send them my way !!

bi ppl in straight relationships are the perfect targets for disparaging/degrading comments and emotional abuse due to the inherent intimacy of relationships; any pent-up negative emotions about lgbt ppl that straights have and know they would never get away with saying publicly can be dished out onto their partner in the privacy of their own home, and no one is the wiser.

like... when a man says to a woman that her past of sleeping with men "taints" her or that her sexual history makes her "less of a woman," that is recognized (by reasonable ppl) as unacceptable and misogynistic comments to make. but a straight woman saying these exact things to a bi male (which happens often) is seen as j a woman stating her preferences and not damaging or perpetuating biphobia at all - and im not arguing against a woman's right to not dating whoever she wants, just that the hypocritical nasty comments are not necessary when turning someone down.

also the fact that my coworker specifically seeks out closeted bi men is j... kinda weird to me. in my cursory glance for studies of bisexual male victimization, i came across this excerpt from a study of violence in male/male relationships, which i think is relevant here as well:

ive read many testimonials from bi women who said their partners (usually male but not exclusively) would use their closeted status as a control mechanism, threatening to out them to different people in order to manipulate them. not farfetched at all to think that the reverse also happens to bi men. most women can't physically intimate their male partners the way men can their female partners, so abusive women often leverage other things instead. im not saying my coworker is an abuser or anything, but i can definitely see how these dynamics (straight woman/closeted bi man) can become abusive or toxic if the woman has pre-existing issues against bi/gay men.

[witch-apologist]

I'll never get where people come from that somehow Catra hurting Adora when they are fighting in battle is abuse. Like kinda undermines Adora, she's fighting back, she's not helpless, they are pretty much equals, heck Adora has more power then Catra cuz you know She-Ra. Like come on, understand war violence and ACTUAL abusiveness.

^^^^^^^^ was catra emotionally toxic to adora before the reconciliation? Yes. But Adora was also emotionally toxic to Catra for many years. They had a codependent GC/SG dynamic those aren't going to be healthy while either of them are still under the influence of the abuser. And then after the portal they don't exactly see each other a lot until STC and when they do its in battle.

But funny enough even though these relationships are toxic and often codependent most trauma-informed therapists will ENCOURAGE reconciliation between a scapegoat and a golden child because whoa what? They understand and acknowledge that true blame for the toxicity lies in the abuser and if the the GC and SG can reconcile its a HUGE FUCKING HEALING STEP.

Also I've been in both sides of the GC/SG dynamic. I'm so fucking sick an tired of ppl acting like adora never did anything toxic to catra. She gaslighted catra, continued to seek praise from and idolize catras abuser, and didn't realize the horde was bad until seeing strangers get hurt, not yknow the years of watching Catra be abused. What was it Adora said when Catra complained that she's constantly looked over by Shadow Weaver? "You are kinda disrespectful" so yeah she literally somewhat blamed Catras abuse on her instead of Shadow Weaver. And what did she say to catra in that promise after seeing catra be abused "It doesn't matter what they do" and "Nothing really bad can happen" implying both that catras abuse doesn't matter and that its not really bad. Adoras not fucking infallible. And I say this as someone who LOVES adora who KINS adora for goddsake.

Also im so sick and tired of ppl using Shadow Weaver and the GC/SG dynamic to say they're siblings and therefore incestuous.

1: I'm a literal several time GC/SG survivor who goes to therapy. I have been GC/SG with someone who was not my sibling. Just because most of the readily available information on the dynamic is about siblings doesn't mean that non-sibling GC/SGs don't exist.

2: Orphans in an orphanage/child soldiers with the same commander are not fucking siblings. Imagine going up to a couple who met in an orphanage and calling them incest that is so fucking shitty. Nowhere in canon or in anything actually approved BY THE CREW are they refered to as or refer to themselves as siblings. And its super fucking disgusting and insensitive and disrespectful to ACTUAL INCEST SURVIVORS LIKE ME. To fucking insist that meeting your s/o in the orphanage you grew up in is incest.

[inkykeiji]

Heya! Not a new follower but I never really had the courage to send anything thru your askbox (: i just wanted to say that i really love your works and love the age gaps! Reason why im saying this is bc of one ask i saw and also bc my bf is seven years older than me and literally everyone we know gives us tons of shit for it. Last week he broke down abd told me we should break up bc he doesn't want me to go thru all that bullshit for him. I'm gonna be 21 in late december and he turned 28 in early September and one of my now ex friends sent him a card saying "happy bday old geezer go fuck someone your own age". We'd been together long distance ever since I was 19 and this year he finally managed to move in my town. When we were long distance it was easier to deal w these comments but now that we can't even go out bc we'll bump into someone we know is fuckin awful. Is our relationship really not okay? I have my fair share of traumatic experiences and his family situation is actually pretty similar to Touya (he introduced me to bnha bc he really connected with dabi and before that shouto for slightly diff reasons) but like, idk my therapist says she doesn't think my traumas are influencing me to be w someone older (i cant explain it any better bc it would ve too personal) but yea I'm just so fucking scared and worried and even though your works are helping both of us it's still so hard some days. If we break up I'd rather it be bc we just don't click anymore, not bc someone doesn't like that he's seven years older than me. What do you think? Are we really doing the wrong thing by being together? Is he a bad person for bejng with me when i was 19? Weve always been fully aware of our age difference and didn't just jump in the relatiinship, we rlly talked about it cuz we know we shouldn't fall back on ppl who have too much going on to help us and for us to help them if that makes sense so why is it so bad? Sorry for this long depresing ask i just dont know where else to say it without feeling judged..

hello anon <33

first off, i want to begin by saying that i'm super happy to hear that you can find comfort in my work; that means so very much to me <3

oh gosh anon babie i am so sorry this is causing you both so much stress and anguish!! i have a lot to say so please bear with me, my response will be long!!

first of all, in my opinion, as long as your relationship is healthy and you both are happy, then it is absolutely NONE of anyone else's business. you're both adults. you both took the time to seriously think this out and made an informed decision. no two relationships are alike; they're all unique and they all depend on the participants in the relationship, you know? age gaps aren't always inherently BAD. they can be, but almost anything 'can be' bad (ie too much coffee can be bad for you, too much time spent online can be bad for you, etc.). circumstances and nuances and all of those little details matter A LOT, and they will vary greatly from relationship to relationship depending on a variety of factors. i think that there are so many people in our contemporary world that so desperately wish that moral matters such as these were easily definable and neatly categorized to fit into these tiny little boxes of GOOD and BAD when in reality morality is so extremely grey.

for example, the relationship between, let’s say, a 21 year old student and her 28 year old teaching assistant, or a relationship between a 21 year old worker and her 28 year old supervisor would have a more substantial power imbalance than the more simple imbalance in your own relationship which, based on the information you've given me, seems to ONLY pertain to the age difference. now, those examples i gave above don't automatically make those relationships BAD, it just means that there is a bigger potential for misuse of that power, etc etc. my point here being that there are SEVERAL factors that would influence an abusive or toxic misuse of that power, not always solely the age difference itself. does that make sense?

i think that card your ex friend sent him is incredibly tasteless. once again, your relationship is absolutely none of their business. also, if you've discussed this with your therapist and they don't think that it's harming either of you, i think that's a good sign!

i think it's also important to keep in mind that everyone will have different opinions on this situation, just as everyone has their very own set of morals and opinions and beliefs. everyone will have different feelings and 'truths' towards it. but your opinion doesn't have to align with theirs. YOU know your relationship best. YOU know what is true for your specific relationship and what isn't. just because one person doesn't agree with your relationship or thinks it is somehow 'wrong' doesn't mean it IS. there are plenty of people who think the content i create is 'wrong', and their opinions are fine and valid, and they're allowed to have them. i, however, 100% disagree with them, for several reasons. and that's okay, we can agree to disagree, and move on with our lives. 

i think what i'm really trying to say is: COULD an age gap contribute to some sort of misdoing (ie abuse) in a relationship? sure. does it ALWAYS? no, not at all. COULD a relationship with no age gap experience the exact same misdoings? YES, absolutely. there's so much more that goes into an unhealthy/bad/toxic relationship; so many other factors, you know? an age gap is just one of those things that COULD *potentially* be a singular factor, but is in no means and by no way ALWAYS a factor, or is this ALWAYS the case.

i totally get what you mean when you say you’d rather you break up because you don’t mesh well, NOT because of what others think of your relationship, and i agree!! i think it’s super sweet that he’s so considerate and is worried about what you might go through due to the judgemental people you’re surrounded by, but if you think he is worth the suffering, then tell him so! to answer your final questions: no, i do not think it’s wrong for the two of you to be together: this is a consensual relationship between two adults. i most definitely do not think he is a bad person; what would make him a ‘bad’ person are his INTENTIONS. if he got with you at the age of 19 with the INTENT to use the power imbalance an age gap may sometimes present to HIS advantage, he’d be doing the wrong thing. if he was manipulating you and using your inexperience or naiveness against you, he would be doing the wrong thing. do you see where this is going? his intention matters a lot more than the seven year age gap, in my personal opinion.

at the end of the day, it's your decision, and your morals, and your relationship. i can only offer you my opinions here, but you in no way have to agree with them, you know? it isn't my place (or anyone else's!!) to tell you whether or not your relationship is 'bad'. that's up for the two of you to decide. ultimately, i can only give you my thoughts based on the information you’ve given me; i don’t know either of you or your relationship, but YOU DO!! work together to make an informed decision based on the unique details of YOUR relationship, and try not to care what others think. there will always people who disagree with you, no matter what you’re doing, no matter how good you’re striving to be, and honestly that’s their problem, not yours. what matters is that YOU know the truth.

i hope this all makes sense anon, and i hope it helps a little <3 these are my personal thoughts on the issue!

[tayegi]

I relate to the OC so much! A few years ago, one of my closest friends did something similar to me. So now I'm crying. But I love New Rules so freakin' much, you don't even know!

Anonymous said:What happened in the last chapt. really resounded w/ me. Related to Mijoo bc I once did something similar to a friend of mine back in high school- she liked a guy who I was sort of friends with, and she wanted me to put in a good word and all, but I ended up crushing on and hooking up w/ him and even now I feel like shit when I think about it. Like the OC, she was the bigger person and forgave me but I'd have understood if she didn't, bc even though it was just a crush, I broke her trust in me.

Anonymous said:Maybe because I've had a whole lifetime worth of Mijoo's I just can't find it in my heart to hate her. It's fucked up what she did, but people fuck up and let emotions run their lives. Y'all need to chill tho.

Anonymous said:If someone would do something like that to me I’d go full on bitch mode and ruin her life no matter how innocent, sweet, petty bla bla I’d ruin her life especially since it actually once happened to me and just like her I didn’t do anything about it because I was to nice back than but now that I went trough shit I know not to let people treat me as they’d do// hope she grows stronger in the future chapters 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

queen-bee222 said:Im sorry but i dont like Mijoo. I've encountered so many girls like her and they have always fucked me over😠😠😩

Anonymous said:Hi Lu, thank you so much for the new chapter of New Rules. I wanted to say that I love how you create the OC's personality in a way that relates to many people. I actually cried when I was reading this chapter because the friendship between the OC and Mijoo is painfully similar to my friendship with my best friend. People think I'm this self-confident, sarcastic, heartless person but it's all just a facade. I'm terrified of people learning how paranoid and insecure I feel. I'm a brick in

Anonymous said:comparison to my friend. She's pretty, popular, confident and lovable. We're labeled best friends, but sometimes she turns her back to me like I'm nothing... To treasure someone so much only for them to hurt you in the end is heartbreaking. But no matter how much she hurt or angered me, I could never have the heart to hurt her. We're not the perfect friends I thought we were. Thank you so much for opening my eyes about her and myself.

thirsty99girl

submitted:

I just read chap 2 of new rule!!! And I almost cried!!! Because I can relate and feel how the oc feels!!! this story really reminds me of what happened to me in the past with my ex best friend!! We both had crush on the same guy and I didn’t know at first she even liked him then being the snake she is, she talked tons of shit about me in front of my crush and then coming to me lying through her teeth saying my crush told her that he liked her and then she caused so much drama for me that I won’t even talk about till it led me and my crush to the point we stopped talking to each other over an argument that she caused by lying and I could’ve expose her ass and make her ashamed of what she did but I just decided to hold everything back in my chest & forgive her, I give up on him even tho I still like him a lot and seeing him is a suffer for me… I don’t talk to my best friend anymore not because of him, because she did so many other things to me and later saying that she’s sorry and pretending to be the most innocent girl on earth!! I was tired of this… ughh I’m sorry idek why I talked about this I just felt like letting it out 😪

Anonymous said:Holy crap, the new chapter for New Rules stings like a bitch. A similar situation happened to me with my friend and this guy I liked. I told my friend that I liked the guy, and she told him soon after, which I wasn't really angry about. I remember feeling so lost when he knew my feelings and I didn't know his. I would talk to her about it and she would tell me that maybe we just weren't meant to be. I didn't find out until a couple years later when he said

Anonymous said:"Yeah, remember when we liked each other?" in one of our conversations, that I found out that he told her to tell me that he reciprocated my feelings. She never told me until I told her about my conversation with him. She said she liked him too and that it would've been hard for her to see him happy with someone who wasn't her. This is where I really connect with the oc's thoughts. How could you put a relationship over a friendship like that? I found it so selfish.

Anonymous said:I think the most difficult part of a situation like that is thinking what could've been. Maybe we would've made the best couple ever. Maybe we would've gotten married or had kids on the future. You just can't know. It hurts like a bitch, and you're just left clueless. Anyway, amazing chapter as always! I can't wait to read more once you have time to grace us with your beautiful words once again 💘

Anonymous said:Can you believe that I relate too much to the OC? A very close friend did something similar to me a few years ago in high school. So here I am, crying. But I loved this chapter sooooo much.

Anonymous said:This chapter hurt me a lot. Cuz I feel like I do so much more for my friends and then they ditch me right when they get into a relationship. It hurts even more when it's a good guy. I've never had a guy genuinely like me for my personality, just for my body. It makes me wonder if anyone would even like me for me, but that notion hasn't been proven yet so. :/ I'm kind of tired of feeling compelled to put other people first, though that's just who I am guess.

Anonymous said:1- WHY DO I IDENTIFY SO MUCH WITH THE OC OF NEW RULES? lemme tell you this...I was bffs with a girl for years, she always tried to be with the guys me and my friends were with, she even fucked the guy who I had my first time with and told me ON MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. The thing is I let so many fucked up things slide only because I thought our friendship meant more than some guys, until I realized she didn't care about me feeling bad because of her actions, she cared more about fucking a dude than

Anonymous said:2- our friendship. I wonder what will it take for the oc to snap, she may try to forgive mijoo, but when you just forgive someone that easily, they don't learn their lesson, they will do it again and again because they know they can do it because you will forgive them at the end. I hope Mijoo isn't the case but Idk... thank you for writing something real as New Rules, really makes you think about things.

Anonymous said:When I got the notification that you'd updated New Rules I swear I've never clicked a notification so fast asjdkakck No but real talk when I finished reading I was genuinely convinced that me and the OC were the same person, I hate how I relate to this story but it's so good!! Teared up towards the end bcus feels ;-; Thank you for creating such wonderful writing, my non-existent soul is blessed (and so are you) ^ - ^

Anonymous said:I am literally on the brink of tears, Lu. I feel like a lot of girls can in some way relate, because at some point, we were all immature little babies who had no idea how to handle ourselves or relationships, so we just flew by the seat of our pants. The way the OC feels and what happened with her and Jimin and Mijoo reminds me of a similar situation that I was in, and for you to capture those feelings so nicely was a punch in the gut.

Ah, Im reading through all of your asks and my heart is breaking for all of you guys :( im legit tearing up here knowing that so many of you can relate and that you’ve gone through such similar experiences. I hope that you have those toxic ppl out of your lives and that you’re all doing well now. I love you all D: 

[apologeticallys]

hey.. zach... there's absolutely no way I can get this to you, i dont know your skype anymore, you probably changed it anyways, and you deleted your tumblr. I'm sorry I dated you. I'm sorry I pulled you into my shit. back then, i was 16. man. what a fucked up year. i only got worse. 16 was the year I was obsessed with dating someone, whoever was willing to date me, and id treat others who weren't interested in me shittily. yeah, more shittily then how i treated you. i envisioned my future w ppl I dated and latched onto them and drained them emotionally. I've gotten worse w that since then. I'm not sure... what caused me to send you that ask. bpd? no. i don't know. even the post i discovered years later of an answered ask that said compulsive cheating is a bpd trait, like, did a professional say that? no. the bpd/mental illness community has gotten so fucking toxic and i absorbed all the toxic parts of it. ...but.... i didnt... i didn't necessarily feel bad for what i did to you till a couple years later... i lied to ppl saying id get better to rope them into staying w me longer, every manipulative tactic you could think of, i adopted and used. ah, i remembered, idek if this is true, from what/how im abt to explain it but. some bpd ppl are risk takers, and compulsively ruin healthy things, or st like that. but definitely taking risks is a bpd trait, and im a Big Risk Taker, and have ruined so many healthy things since you. ...anyways, i felt bad cuz, i sort of cheated on you? I eventually realized.... i severely fucked you up, and you most likely developed trust issues. I'm deeply sorry. i fucked up, and i was/still am fucked up. there's no denying that. you didn't deserve tjat. you also shouldn t have been in a relationship w someone who was 16 going on 17. too old. I'm sorry I didn't realize that at the time. i rly dont remember our interactions before i did That to you, like I can't remember if i ever started being unhealthy to you (asking to spend more time/demanding more attention to me, being negative to you whether w or w/o a reason, being abusive and manipulative basically), but if i was, I'm sorry. i don't want you in my life. i can imagine you definitely don't, and I've imagined over the years tjat you probably never wanted to hear anything from me again, even if it was an apology, and if you did listen, you probably wouldn't believe it. or if youd wanted me dead, and called me your abuser or st. I'm rly sorry I damaged you. you didn't deserve any of that. i hope you've recovered from that. and I have no idea if you'll ever see this, as I have no way of getting this to you. i don't even know if your name is zach anymore. but hey man, pls be alive and doing so much better w/o me, and i hope you didn't let anyone else treat you badly again