#there are like 10 more movies i could talk about but i'm hungry so i'm gonna go eat someting byyyye

[vallanoux]

Valentines with the one and only King of Hell Himself, Lucifer!

warnings: tooth rotting fluff.

"the love letter"

To the one I love (yes you!),

Can I just start off with saying how much I love you? Because I love you so, so very much! You do so, so many things for me that I feel as if I can never say "thank you" enough––or most certainly, I can never say "i love you" enough.

But you know what? I'll take any opportunity I can to show you just how much I love and appreciate you, and guess what?!! Valentines is the perfect way to do that!

I hope you can leave Saturday afternoon till evening open for me because I most certainly have plans for us. Just so you know what to expect (and to prove to you that I'm capable of not going overboard like last year-), here's the schedule, okay?

watch a cute lil' movie at pentagram city's one and only theater

dinner at your favorite place

and whatever comes after...? ;>

Sounds good?

And, just so you know, if I haven't made it clear enough, I love you, (name).

More than anything.

More than you'll ever know.

From your most beloved "short king",

Lucifer "Lulu" Morningstar

PS: I'll pick you up at 15:30!

PSS: I left some outfits in a basket along with the letter so we can match for the day

PSSS: I'm super excited, and I can't wait to see you

PSSSS: Today is our nth year being together

"the cute lil' movie"

Lucifer arrives right on time with a big, cute, dopey smile on his face

He brings you into a tight hug (that probably chokes you, but you let it happen anyway because you love Lucifer just as much)

"Aww, you decided to wear that outfit? Gosh, you look stunning. I knew you'd like that one!"

"Look at how good we match. We look amazing, don't we?"

After almost 10 minutes of Lucifer fussing over you, he finally teleports you both to the movie theater, and obviously, it's a romance

No doubt, you get the best two seats in the theater

When he watches movies, Lucifer loves to hold your hand. It makes him feel calm and happy.

Undoubtedly, Lucifer would always find a way to hold you one way or another.

Lucifer gets super emotionally attached when he watches the movie, and absolutely adores the characters

"They look so cute together? Oh my gosh, just kiss already...!"

"We should definitely try that together, that's such a good idea." (it's not-)

"I feel bad for him... I sympathize! (so and so) is so oblivious, just like a certain someone." He'd tease as he looks at you (and damn, ouch!)

If anything sad happens in the movie, he'd be bawling

He'd cling onto your hand and weep

"Why did that have to happen? That's so cruel! (name), tell me why...!"

"No, they don't deserve that. I think I'll have a word with the director..."

"Lulu, no-"

"-Lulu, yes!"

Watching movies (even if the movies themselves are absolutely terrible) are always wonderful experiences with Lucifer because of his strong reactions

Really, you love him to bits

After the movie finishes, with Lucifer being either a sobbing mess, or a very happy fella, it's now time for dinner

You cup his cheeks and squish them with your thumbs gently, and you place a kiss on his forehead. "Lulu, it's time for dinner, m'kay? Don't get too carried away by your emotions."

"dinner at your favorite place"

Lucifer would reserve the whole restaurant just to have some time with you to talk about anything and everything

If you wanted, you could order every single thing on the menu and Lucifer wouldn't even flinch––nor would his wallet

"Oh, are you hungry? I should've brought some snacks for you to enjoy at the theater."

"Eat as much as you want, dearheart. I wouldn't want you leaving with an empty stomach."

Yes, Lucifer uses dearheart (a more old timey version of sweetheart)

As the two of you eat, you'd talk about anything and everything really

About how your feeling, how the past year has been and future plants (while you tell everything to lucifer, and vice versa, it's just nice to set some future goals or check in on how the other is doing)

Lucifer, if you'd give him the pleasure of being fed, would definitely enjoy it

"For me?" His eyes would sparkle as he takes a bite. "Thank you."

Lucifer would definitely be the type to eat anything you make or give to him and say it tastes super delicious (although it might not fit his tastes sometimes)

When dinner is over, he takes you home.

What happens after is totally your choice ;>

a/n: i do apologize if the headcannons are bad! i don't usually write headcannons.

also if luci seems OOC, i apologize for that too lol. i just can't help but see him as an overly excited, emotional, dorky S/O that's always a ball of excitement (much like charlie)

[ragnarokhound]

hey sweetie how are you. I made banana bread for breakfast tomorrow but DON’T touch it till then, it won’t be as good

there’s a post going around about the dynamic of a guard dog character, a lamb, and a wolf (one wants to possess and protect the lamb, one wants to devour it). How do you think jaytimkon fits in this?

ps… 10 things i hate about you? thoughts?

hey sweetie, i'm pretty good uwu had a nice day yesterday walking around my neighborhood with a friend! <3 And ough herrghh mrregghh gragghhhh (<- actively holding myself back from tearing into the banana bread immediately, i'll be strong for you bb but know that you are testing my limits in new and exciting ways)

Putting my responses to both (!! >:0) the jaytimkon and 10 Things ideas under a cut because *deep sigh* it got long lol

BRUH. BRUHHHHHHH. You cannot simply say this to me. You Cannot. Simply. SAY THIS TO ME, YOU'RE NOT SLICK

Once again testing my limits in new and exciting ways because I have a different WIP deadline fast approaching so I simply cannot write more for my actively inspired by guard dog x lamb x wolf jaytimkon WIP to SHOW YOU, in DETAIL, EXACTLY how i think jaytimkon fits into this, BUT

My feelings on this are many, and partially answered in these asks already. But I'll reiterate that they are all three facets simultaneously, baby. Depending on who's talking, they think of themselves as this, that, or the other; the loving, vigilant protector - the helpless, vulnerable bleeding heart - the hungry, slinking interloper. The story I have been brooding over for almost a year now (egads) WILL feature a somewhat slowburn where each of them takes turns realizing which one they are and slowly changing their minds as the narrative progresses and their relationship heats up 🔥w🔥BUT BE PATIENT BECAUSE I SURE HAVE TO BE (*whining and whimpering i crave this banana bread)

P.S. I love the taming of the shrew, and it's absolutely perfect jaytim material are you KIDDING. Cramming two different concepts into one ask. Evil. Diabolical. I love my wife.

10 Things I Hate About You is such a fun movie, and I could honestly see the role of Kate being played equally well by either Tim or Jason lol, and in a somewhat reverse robins style, Dick taking on the role of Bianca. Wally or Kori or [Your Choice Here] in the role of Cameron, wanting to date him. In fact, ohhhh OHHHH okay. Okay bear with me while i cook--

Consider Oldest Child Dick Grayson-Wayne who is super popular, super well loved, everyone wants to date him - but he always begs off because he doesn't want his younger brother, Jason, to be left in the lurch. Standoffish, bookish, i-heard-he-did-time, 'whats it to you' Jason, who has maybe two friends but they go to a different school so he doesn't have anyone to sit with at lunch besides his charming older brother. Dick's party line is, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my bro. Good luck! :)" (Something something, Dick and Jason are both adopted, something something Dick doesn't actually wanna date anyone, send tweet)

NOW. Fast forward to when Dick meets someone he might actually want to date. But to keep the ravenous hordes away from him, he still, regretfully, must stick to his guns. Jason needs to be dating/friends with/hanging out with/etc someone else before he and this person (again, Your Dickship of Choice Here) can boogie down.

Cue Dick nudging Jason out of the blue to strike out on his own and Jason getting squinty-eyed suspicious (and secretly a little hurt) that Dick apparently sees him as some kind of burden to be offloaded or whatever. Thanks bro. :(

Thus, Dick and his prospective SO hatch a Scheme. A Scheme to see Jason Woo'd in such a way to keep the heat off Dick from both the collective horny student body AND his sensitive younger brother. Enter Tim Drake.

Tim transferred this year and people have been speculating like crazy about him. His grades are insane so people think he'll be a nerd, but he skateboards to school so people think he'll be a stoner, but he's crazy athletic so people think he'll be trying out for the swim team or something - but mostly? People don't know shit. He's friendly enough, but stays apart. An enigma. Cuts school at least twice a week, hasn't seemed to pick any one crowd with which to integrate, is unaffiliated with any one piece of the greater student body. The most anyone can really tell is that he's just a little unhinged and strapped for cash. He'll pull some crazy stunts - if you've got the money.

Which makes him perfect.

Cue Shakespearean shenanigans leading to Some Asshole (your choice of Dick notp here) offering to pay Tim if he dates Jason Todd-Wayne. Tim thinks it's kinda stupid and an asshole move at first, but apparently the money is too good for him to pass up. So he bites.

Tim stalkers his way into interacting with Jason (something something Jason shoving Tim against the wall outside a 7-11 after school and snarling in his face, "i know you're following me. the fuck do you want" and Tim smirking at him, "to ask you out." Jason blinking, then dropping him like he's been burned. "Bullshit." Tim shrugging and running to catch up, falling into step beside him. "It's the truth." Huge Jason side-eye.) and events spiral from there.

(Vulnerable conversations. Jason: People look at me like I'm trash. Like I'm one bad day away from snapping and proving that they were right not to trust me all along. Like I don't have feelings that matter. I like that you're not scared of me. I like that you seem to fuckin'... like me. Or whatever. But I don't know how to trust it. Tim: People only want me around when they think they can get something out of me. They don't like me just what I can do for them. You've never made me feel like that. You don't give a shit about what I can do. It makes me want to-- it makes me want to give you things. To do things for you. I dunno. I guess I'm just waiting for you to tell me to fuck off and finally mean it.)

The reveals go badly. Hurt and betrayal on every side. (Turns out Tim needed the money because his mom's dead, dad's in a coma, and the family company that was supposed to keep Tim afloat has gone belly up. All of his parents' money is tied up in trusts and behind red tape. He's on his own.) Jason is pissed at Tim, but pissed at Dick especially.

The brothers fight. It's a doozy. Dick apologizes for going over Jason's head and manipulating things. Jason apologizes for being an asshole and making Dick feel like he has to be the responsible golden child 24/7, and also for punching Dick in the face. They promise to do better. Then Jason tracks Tim down to his shitty apartment (Tim had seemed super nervous the one time Jason had tried to come home with him, and now he thinks he knows why) and bangs on his door. He hasn't been to school in over a week.

They fight. It's great.

("What you did was shitty." "Yeah." "I don't forgive you for it." "...yeah." "So you better start thinking about how you're gonna fuckin' make it up to me." "Y-yeah?" "Yeah. Like fuck I'm missing prom this year when I finally have a fuckin' boyfriend.") (Now kiss)

[don't ask me how old they are/what grades they're in. i simply do not want to contemplate it. i'd call this a college au for my own sanity, but the very premise and interest in social hierarchies is just so inherently high school that it would fall apart lmfao]

[animesmolbean]

A World of Pure Imagination

Author's Note: Real quickly, I have to tell you guys something. For some reason, Chapter 10 isn't showing up in the tags I have put the chapter on. I'm not sure why, but I am not reuploading it. So, if you haven't read it yet, go to my page and scroll down to it. Read it before you read this one. Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience!

Side Note 1: I almost started tearing up while writing this chapter.

Side note 2: Part 4 of me talking about a Wonka GIF, and Part 3 of me wishing Timothée Chalamet's Willy Wonka was a real person, so I can hug him lol. Poor baby didn't deserve any of this.

Hope you enjoy it! ♥️

Chapter 11: Sabotage

The kiss was perfect.

It felt like a bunch of fireworks going off.

Yin hummed softly as he moved to wrap his arms around Willy's neck. Willy's wrapped around his waist. Willy's lips tasted like chocolate, as Yin figured, but it didn't stop him from wanting more. He deepened the kiss a bit, making Willy hum as he matched the rhythm.

The kiss stayed mostly chaste, but there was so much love pouring out that it felt more passionate and hungry.

Eventually, the two boys pulled away slowly, both of them panting softly. They stared into each other, hearts in their eyes.

"I'm glad you finally did that." Yin whispered before chuckling.

Willy chuckled softly. "Me too."

The two stayed in their position, just enjoying the embrace. Then, Willy heard his name being called.

"I'll be right back, my precious marshmallow." Willy kissed Yin's cheek before he reluctantly pulled away and walked down to the voice who called him.

Yin stayed by the tree, blushing hard at the nickname. He let out giddy giggles and hopped on his toes. He couldn't wait to tell Noodle what happened.

But then, he was pulled out of his sweet trance when Willy stepped on the candy ramp, his voice frantic.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Your attention, please! There appears to be a manufacturing error! Do not eat the flowers!"

Patrons asked what was wrong, some of them growing multicolored hair.

"It's appears the chocolates have been poisoned!" Willy exclaimed.

The announcement shocked everyone.

Yin couldn't believe it. He turned away to think. 'What?! Poisoned?!' Then he scowled. 'Someone must have sabatoged the chocolate when we were all busy. But who? There are so many candidates.' He thought to himself.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard people screaming. He looked up and saw that someone had cut the rope that held the chandelier, and now the shop was on fire. Panicking, Yin jumped down and ran to the door, helping anyone he could out.

Once he got out, he bent over, breathing in and out slowly, calming himself down from what just transpired. When he leaned back up, he saw Slugworth looking down at the chaos, an evil smirk on his face.

Yin scowled and clenched his fists. It was no mystery who was behind this now.

(Time Skip to evening)

The fire had been put out. Luckily, no one was hurt.

Unfortunately, the shop was completely ruined. The once vibrant place was now burned into ash. The cherry tree still stood, but it was bare and crooked. It looked something out of a horror movie.

The wash house workers and Willy were in the destroyed shop, all crestfallen. But Willy was the worst shape; tearing up as his dreams were burned to ashes.

"How could this have happened?" Piper asked, looking around.

"I'll tell you all what happened."

Everyone turned to see Yin, standing in the open doorway, hands clenched into fists and a scowl on his face.

"It was the Chocolate Cartel. They did this! It's not much of a surprise, but I know it was them." Yin said with confidence.

The group knew he could be right.

"It's okay, Willy. We can start again, we can rebuild." Noodle reassured the heartbroken chocolatier.

"There's no point, Noodle. It didn't work." Willy whispered.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"She promised she would be here. She wasn't."

"Wait, you didn't really think..." Noodle paused.

"No, I did. Just a stupid dream."

Yin jogged over to Willy and kneeled in front of him. "No! Don't say that, Willy. Don't you ever say that!" He said, his voice wobbly as he held back tears.

Willy didn't reply. He just looked at him. The look on Willy's face broke Yin's heart. He has never seen him so defeated. So heartbroken. So sad. He wanted to hold him and reassure him that everything would work out.

Yin felt a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Yin. I think Mr. Wonka needs to be alone." Abucus told him gently.

Everyone else was leaving the shop. Noodle lingered for a moment, looking at the pair before leaving.

Yin took Willy's hands in his, squeezing them as he stood up slowly. He looked at him before leaning forward and pressing his forehead against his.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Willy." He whispered, his voice still a little wobbly as he held back his emotions for Willy's sake.

He pressed a kiss onto the magician's forehead. Then, he pressed soft kisses on the corners of his eyes, then his cheeks, and finally, he pecked his lips.

For that brief moment, Willy responded, kissing back faintly before Yin pulled away.

Yin walked to the door, paused, and looked back at Willy. He looked down before he continued walking, leaving Willy alone.

(Time skip)

Yin was back in Noodle's room, having snuck into the wash house through the back door. He was pacing back and forth.

The others were presumably working; now that their hopes have been crushed.

But Yin wasn't about to give up. For an hour, he thought about what had transpired.

"I know that the cartel is behind this somehow. But they didn't do this themselves. They don't want to get their hands dirty. So, they must've paid someone. It can't be the Chief of Police since legally, he couldn't touch them. So who-"

The realization hit Yin like a brick.

"Scrubbit and Bleacher. Slugworth must've found out about what we were doing and paid those two to tamper with the chocolate to ruin Wonka's opening."

Yin growled in anger. He needed to tell Wonka about this now. He left Noodle's room and knocked on Willy's door.

"Willy. It's Yin. I need to tell you something important!"

There was no answer.

Yin knocked again. Still no reply. He decided to go in. He turned the doorknob, seeing it was unlocked.

When he opened the door all the way, he saw that the room was almost empty. None of Willy's stuff was here anymore. All thar was left of Willy's was the sheets of paper on the wall, with letters on them. Yin feared the worst. He needed to find him.

Without hesitation, Yin ran to the stairs that led into the lobby. As he did, he heard Scrubbit and Bleacher talking. He heard then talking about how Willy left the wash house to go to the dock. He was leaving town forever.

Yin couldn't believe it. He held back tears as sadness welled up inside him. But that sadness quickly turned into anger.

He stomped down the stairs. "You wrenched, heartless old hag! This was all your doing!" He exclaimed.

Scrubbit and Bleacher were shocked at the angry yell of a person they didn't know.

"Who are you?! How dare you call me such a thing!" Scrubbit yelled.

"Oh, spare me! The name is fitting for you! Now listen up, you pigs! I have some things to say to you!"

Yin's anger was at a boiling point. "You two are selfish, manipulative little trolls who pick on the needy to satisfy your sad, lonely lives! You are horrible people who force people into work and cruelly punish them if they don't comply. You two disgust me! Not to mention, you took advantage of an innocent man who couldn't even read your ridiculous contract! Despicable!!"

Scrubbit and Bleacher were taken aback by Yin's insults. But he wasn't done.

"Mark my words, I will expose your wrongdoings and make sure my friends, the people I see as my family, can go back to their happy lives while you two rot in jail for the rest of your miserable days!"

"You little brat!" Scrubbit went over to strike the boy with her hand, but he dodged and kicked Bleacher in his shin, causing the man to groan.

Yin pulled the doors open and ran out of the wash house. He didn't stop. He wasn't going to. He was going to bring Willy back, no matter what.

[rogueddie]

Movie AU Steddie Fics

Important: READ THE TAGS! Also, leave a comment and kudos! These fics are amazing and I love them and I hope y'all do too 📼

Free Hawkins

CassieWater354, Dandyfello

It started as a simple passion project. A discovery of what was possible with simple code. Eddie had been the one to bring it up to Steve. "The AI could be like, ALIVE dude!" He explained excitedly. Steve looked on in confusion, "Like they simulate emotions and personalities and are like real people but they're code!!"

A few more hours of erratic explaining later and Steve agreed. Well, he agreed to begin with but it was nice to see Eddie so excited. Steve loved his computer science class and it didn't fail him as Eddie rang off ideas, Steve created them and Eddie made it all look good. A well-oiled machine. It was hardly near completion but with the complexity and beauty of it they realized it to test and build interest, and funds wouldn't be so bad either. It was a hit, a huge hit. They did interviews, got a lot of hype and attention and it was mostly positive feedback. Mostly.

Words : 12,015 Chapters : 10/10 Rating : Teen And Up Audiences

AO3 : x

Who's Sorry Now

BatCatMooney63

Hawkins is like any place in small town America, quaint, quiet, and full of secrets. Murders, disappearances, unsolved cases swept under the rug of normalcy for the sake of security.

But it all gets ripped away one night when Chrissy Cunningham answers the phone to find herself talking to a mysterious voice. Which sets off a chain of events that truly reveals the line between good and evil.

Words : 51,160 Chapters : 8/8 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

Asking You to Love Me

chattrekisses

Steve is a famous actor. Eddie runs a game store. After an incident involving orange juice, an unlucky romance blossoms between them. Notting Hill AU.

Words : 22,397 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Explicit

AO3 : x

Fate's Fool

callcalliope

Sometimes true love is interrupting your own concert to chase the hot vampire watching in the audience.

Words : 1,285 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

Episode I - Something happens and I'm head over heels

vaderstheme

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Words : 6,773 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : General Audiences

AO3 : x

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts.

Imnotcreativesotakethisname

After winning tickets for the R.M.S. Titanic in a very "lucky" game of poker, Edward "Eddie" Munson and his friend because third class passengers on Titanic.

Words : 18,449 Chapters : 10/10 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

beetlesandstars, witchjeons

“It’s a feeling, a heartbeat,” Eddie murmurs one night, pressing a hand over his own heart. “Like this. Gu-gung, gu-gung.”

Steve snorts, before copying Eddie.

Tapping away, Eddie steps closer. “Don’t try so hard,” he says softly, taking Steve’s hand, moving it to rest over his own chest.

Words : 27,880 Chapters : 6/7 Rating : Explicit

AO3 : x

A Shadow Is Cast Wherever They Stand

BritChick91

“You should think more about whether you’d survive a horror movie. You never know when you might find yourself… in one.”

When the phone rings for Chrissy Cunningham in October 1996, it starts a wave of murders in the sleepy town of Hawkins. Who is Ghostface? And who is their next target?

Words : 23,713 Chapters : 9/9 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

Sincerely Yours

WickedVixen

When a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal are forced to spend a whole Saturday in detention together, there's no telling how horribly wrong the day will go. Tensions are high, especially with the added stressor of power-hungry Principal Higgins breathing down their necks. Will the teens manage to make it through the full nine hours unscathed? Will they come to resent one another, even more so than some of them already do? Or will they become unlikely acquaintances? Will new friendships be forged? Perhaps a few...more-than-friendships?

Who's to say? After all, stranger things have happened.

Words : 41,252 Chapters : 10/10 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

[eponastory]

Troy.

But way better.

Rating: M

Legnth: 42 badass chapters (around 260k glorious words)

Warnings: A fair bit of blood, violent war scenes, sex, Zhao being a fucking coward and someone I really hate... and character death.

I can't tell you how much I hate the movie Troy... I hate it. It doesn't even follow the Iliad. Some of the events in the movie add up, but most don't and it's just... awful.

That being said, Annakpok is written way better.

It's more of a strategic war epic in the way that Homer's epic is rather than a full-on romance. Granted, romance is what caused the war in the first place if you haven't touched any of the Trojan War historics. The romance between Zuko and Katara is built up rather nicely and doesn't seem empty like in the movie with Hector/Achilles and Briseis/Andromache. The romance between Sokka and Yue is also not as empty as Paris and Helen in the movie (it's all Paris' fault anyway for choosing Aphrodite's offer, and he's an idiot. I would've gone for Hera's offer... actually, it's all Aphrodite's fault for being the crazed weirdo she is), and it's not even delved into in the Iliad itself, so eh. At least we don't have the lists (Godzilla, the lists of the freaking Iliad is... frustrating) or the very cringe worthy moments of the Troy movie (I hate it so much).

I digress.

This is not a bad review of this story. I love it. It's probably the best version of the Trojan War (without it being the Trojan War and set in the AtLA universe) that really works in other media. It was emotional, suspenseful, and freaking action packed.

Darius, level with me here... are you a history nerd like me who loves battle tactics and uses them in your works frequently? If so, I fucking love you.

The detail in this story is absolutely amazing, right down to the way weapons are used. I love it. Love love love.

I'm not going to give away too much, but I'm glad that the 'horse' was basically a checkovs gun. It works. It really works.

I could go on about everything for days!

But I won't because you guys really need to experience (yes, that's right, experience) it for yourselves. It is gut wrenching, emotional, I fucking want to kill Zhao myself, and Hahn can die five hundred times over for being a power hungry misogynistic idiot (I spit on his grave).

Actually, this story is pretty close to ASOIAF level writing with all its twists and turns.

The one thing that sets this story apart from the main script of Troy and the Iliad is the characters fates.

In Troy, Paris doesn't die, Helen runs away from Troy with him to live another day. In the Iliad, Paris dies. Helen goes back to her husband, who is very much alive, unlike in the movie, and yeah... then you go into the Odessy and several other epics like the Aenid and whatever. But anywho, great retelling of the Iliad/Troy in the Avatar universe.

Please check it out if you haven't already. It's basically an epic.

Story's Verdict: 10/10 turtleducks because I've never seen an author besides GRRM make me hate a character so much that I need to end them myself. I'm talking Joffrey and Cersei levels of hate. Mostly Joffrey... that little shiteater.

[dominickeating-source]

What Satellite Issue 228 (2005)

BOLDLY GONE 

Star Trek: Enterprise is nearly over. Elise Harris talked to actors Dominic Keating and Connor Trinneer about the end of an era.

After only four series Star Trek: Enterprise, the fifth of the Star Trek franchise series, is over. To slightly misquote the theme song, it hasn't been a long time getting from there to here. The last episode of all is controversial. There is a major character death and, metaphorically speaking, some appearances from the ghosts of Enterprise crews past (or yet to come). It may not be what you want to see. 

Dominic Keating (Malcolm Reed) and Connor Trinneer (Trip Tucker) think there was a lot of unexplored potential in the show. Dominic particularly feels there was more to see with his character. "I never got a love interest. I got a couple of fling-ets, that were treated as a joke - and I wouldn't have minded - but Trip Tucker got all the top tottie." 

Connor focuses more on the stories themselves. "I think there was an opportunity to see what they could have done with the introduction of these alien species. They always glossed over the first contact - we never investigated the first contact, which I thought we could have had a lot of mileage with." 

The much-derided theme tune and rather tight all-in-one uniforms were not a problem for either, though. Connor agrees the outfits were "like gas station jumpsuits" but feels they fitted the tone of the show, especially the dark sets. Dominic says: "The idea was it was a sort of retro feel and the whole bridge and the ship itself was Das Boot-ish, that sort of thing. I didn't mind the costumes. Though Monday morning was always a bit tricky because they'd wash them over the weekend." 

He says he really quite liked the theme and the sentiment behind it. "I loved the endeavour and the images that went with the credits, 'It's been a long time getting from here to there...this time I'm going to make it.' Alot of stalwart fans didn't want to hear the captain whimpering about that, though." 

Connor thinks the fans would have preferred a heraldic theme more in keeping with the other shows in the franchise. "Yeah," adds Dominic, "the Third Reich march. We will conquer the space." Altogether, 98 episodes of Star Trek:Enterprise were made - every other Star Trek series but the original made 100. Connor says that is enough to syndicate the series on US TV. "Ultimately, that was what they were looking for. There was no point to go five years - if you were going to go five years you were going to go seven. There's nothing for them - they were going to get their package." 

Dominic says: "I'm disappointed. I would have done three more series probably - I would certainly have done two. We signed for seven, so we're three short of what we signed for. I loved going to work, to be honest, I really did. Lovely camaraderie and great crew and just regular employment with a nice cheque at the end of every 10 days. Can't beat it with a short stick." 

He also feels the show was just beginning to find itself. "The other series that came before really found their stride round about where we found our stride and I think season one and season two are pretty good too - at least 75 per cent of it is." Dominic credits new executive producer Manny Coto with this turnaround. "He was very hungry and ambitious and talented. He was a huge Star Trek fan from his youth and knew all the lore of Star Trek; he righted some wrongs. They'd taken some liberties in the first two seasons with some of our time lines, which certainly ticked of some of the hard-core Trek fans. He tipped some of those around and made it look as though they were intentional. It was clever stuff, man." 

There are no immediate plans (if any) for an Enterprise film, but both actors think it's only a matter of time before there's another Star Trek project in the planning stages. Dominic says: "There is talk about a Star Fleet Academy movie, but I think they got burnt badly on Nemesis, all things considered." 

Connor says he is overwhelmed at how the media is reacting to the show's demise. He says: "They're treating it as though the franchise is over. My instincts don't tell me that. I think they're going to put it to rest for a while." 

Dominic adds: "It's the end of an era for the franchise, that's for sure. It's the end of producer Rick Berman's stint. Then another man will put his paw print on another version four years from now. Try his luck - "Starfleet Academy 90210 In Space" - something like that." 

Source: www.dominickeating.com

[freetheshit-outofyou]

As a comic book fan since the 1970's I loved much of the MCU, more so the early MCU because they gave the back story of the characters. Maybe more importantly we were given an emotional attachment and investment into the characters. The Thanos snap was so impactful because we were emotionally invested. Ironman, Captain America, The Guardians all had very full back stories, wins and failures we were invested in, hell even the Red Skull had a back story that was interesting'ish'. But Marvel got money hungry, they wanted to jam as many second and third tier characters into the movies and shows as possible to maybe fill out later with little to no real back story or a back story so different from the source material that they are really a different characters all together, yes I'm talking to you Adam Warlock. The MCU loves to completely murder then "rebuild" characters, Moon Knight and Captain Marvel are two such examples. Both characters I loved in the Comics. Their back story is lacking so our investment into them is equally lacking. As a fan I would love to see some of those lower tier toons get some screen time and a flushed out story, toons like: Beta Ray Bill, Always one of the coolest pop in and out characters in the Comics and has made a back handed appearance in the MCU.

Nova (Frankie Raye, not to becomefused with NOVA Richard Rider/Sam Alexander), the former herald of Galactus would make a much better strong female characters an a female Silver Surfer from Juno's 4 page appearance in the comics from an alternate reality (Earth-829) in 2010. I loved her in the Silver Surfer comics. I drew this sometime in the 1990's.

Since I'm talking about Heralds Morg, Firelord, and Terrax the Tamer would make great villain's. I might even add Stardust to that list since The Eternals are already established in the MCU. It would also open the door for a Bata Ray Bill entry, just saying. Because The Quantum Bands are no in the MCU thanks to The Marvels, we could, and hopefully will see the introduction of Quasar, I liked him and is one of the 1990's Avengers to not get screen time as of yet. Alpha Flight, would make a great long term project with all the connective tissue already existing in the MCU and the addition of the X-Men would be such a nice fit. Of course my altime favorite comic book hero with a great back story...

Norrin Radd's story deserved to be told in a proper format not that crap F4 movie. (Also my drawing form the 1990's.)

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e11 breakdown (w. davy perez)

kind of a trope at this point but the mismatch violence/action plus old time music that's happy or loveydovey, it's a good one. it's funny how the sort of watery reverb of an old song like this, maybe i associate with a particular atmosphere because of the trope, or someone out there just really hit on the right vibe but it can just inherently make something that bit spookier. and nodding to myself that indeed it's a christopher lennertz episode - look in my eyes by the chantels is a great pick. add to the list of things i'm gonna check on rewatch when they used licensed music i was meh about too :p least interesting topic of commentary ever.

the expanse (2015-2022) dominique tipper as naomi nagata / spn s13e11

truck stop woman who seems like she might have a part later's haircut is like naomi's in the expanse and i'm here for it

what's going on with sam not sleeping/wanting to get out of bed? i mean relatable, but get a book maybe. stressing over the nexus being closed and jack is over in spiky world with mom? trying to remember again what cas is doing and why they're not worried/talking about him.

ok see, this is what i'm talking about. some more modern sounding score that isn't melodic is really adds to the mood. it's a little bit true detective there, until the boys show up and it gets more melodic. i'm telling you this show could have had such a richer vibe with better music 😩

oh modern chevy impala, how far you've fallen. don't know exactly what model year that is, but early to mid 2000s. those circular tailights 😬 memorable, i guess

dry cleaning bags, hanging up jackets, what's next on the domestic logistics bingo card. also padalecki looks like he's gonna flex right through that shirt

SAM Do you really wanna get on the FBI’s radar again?

please don't. solid point

DEAN Okay, so what do you wanna do? Hmm? You wanna call up Donna and say “Hey, sorry about your niece. These kinds of things happen. Later.” And head back to the bunker so you can mope some more? SAM I’m not moping. DEAN You got up at 10:00 am this morning. 10:00 am. You, Mr. Rise and Freakin’ Shine. And then you turned down pancakes.

*takes notes* sam usually wouldn't turn down pancakes. ok ✅

SAM I wasn’t hungry. DEAN They’re pancakes. Look, I know you’re in a dark place right now, okay? I mean, we lost Jack. Mom is… I think about ‘em too. All the time. But you can’t let it eat you up. Now look, when I was—when I was broken up, you were there for me. Well, I’m here for you now. And I’m telling you, the only way out of this is through. Now when everything goes to hell, what do we do? We put our heads down and we do the work. We’ll find Jack. We’ll save Mom, we will. But right now, Donna needs our help. Okay?

listen, man. you know i'm here for this kind of conversation but like sam being mopey kind of came out of nowhere and feels just. well dean had a moment, so now sam's gonna have a moment. hokay

think he packed that vest? anticipated the need to be truckery?

creepy preacher guy kind of slots into the vaguely true detective serial killer vibe as well

i feel like i've seen this before lol. trying to pull up my mental bank of cannibal media. maybe thinking of the movie fresh combined with some law and order type show

um. turning doug into a vampire. sure.

CLEGG/THE BUTTERFLY And you’re Sam Winchester. You and your brother are famous. Hell, soon as I saw that fancy car, I knew who you were. And I knew you’d be trouble. Tried to give you that preacher, but you saw right through that. So now it’s on to Plan B.

i mean, seriously. that damned car is such a liability, it's dumb

SAM Why are you doing this? CLEGG/THE BUTTERFLY Well, ‘cause somebody has to. How many monsters do you think are out there, Sam? You know, if you – you had to guess. SAM Hundreds. Thousands. CLEGG/THE BUTTERFLY Add a zero. Actually, add two. See, those freaks that you and your brother chase, those are just the ones that can’t pass. Either because they’re too mean or they’re too stupid, or both. But most monsters… hell, they could be your next-door neighbor. They work a regular job, mow the lawns on a Saturday. And they need to eat, which is where I come in.

all righty. monster population that can subsist on human parts that have been detached from their human a while ago. and you know, gotta do some fun torture show on the side to sell the product -_-

can't argue with one of them coming to save the other from certain death

can kind of argue with donna getting dumped by doug over hunting. like, very reasonable reaction by a normal human on doug's part but also feels like they arbitrarily had their relationship set up so it could get smashed

SAM Let him go. Donna, when you choose this life, anyone who gets too close, eventually they get hurt. Or worse. So let him go. He’ll be safer that way.

okay, sam. sounds like the little speech dean gave in 13x03 to patience

DEAN I mean, we save people, Sam. SAM Yeah, we also get people killed, Dean. Kaia, for instance. She helped us and she died for it. DEAN Hey, look, I know you’re in some sort of a— SAM No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don’t – don’t… You keep saying I’m in a dark place, but I’m not, Dean. Everything I’m saying is the truth. It’s our lives. And I tried to pretend it didn’t have to be. I tried to pretend we could have Mom back and Cas and – and help Jack. But we can’t. This ends one way for us, Dean. It ends bloody. It ends bad.

bloody or sad, amirite. i have a tag for that

so like again relating to sam because sometimes when i'm being negative i do feel like i'm just being realistic. and he is, but usually he does have a well of optimism. hadn't i complained recently about feeling like sam's always being the reasonable and calm one? (not that i can find it) kind of feels like they needed to kick that out from under him. could have felt a little more organic with just... any amount of buildup beforehand.

[vienrose]

I'm gonna be mean.... all the horrible questions for Jisoo 😘

@lunaxriax you better read all of these

01: Accomplishyou have a good relationship with your parents? - I did until they decided to marry me off to some guy. They didn't take it too well when I left the house; 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? - Cho Hyungsik; 03: Do you regret anything? - Not answering my sisters call that day... 04: Are you insecure? - I don't think I am. Had to learn not to be in my field of work; 05: What is your relationship status? - Taken; 06: How do you want to die? - In my sleep; 07: What did you last eat? - Nacho chips; 08: Played any sports? - Played a little volleyball in high school; 09: Do you bite your nails? - Nope; 10: When was your last physical fight? - In my childhood? I was maybe 8 years old, had a fight over a barbie doll with my sister; 11: Do you like someone? - Very much yes; 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? - More than I should; 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? - No; 14: Do you miss someone? - Yes; 15: Have any pets? - Sadly no; 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? - Hungry; 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? - Had that experience, yes; 18: Are you scared of spiders? - No, I think they are cute; 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? - I would. For one day; 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? - My kitchen; 21: What are your plans for this weekend? - Glass of wine, a good movie, some cuddling maybe? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? - Yes. Two max; 23: Do you have piercings? How many? - I have. 5 in total; 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? - History and math; 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? - No; 26: What are you craving right now? - Sweet potatoes; 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - I don't think so? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? - Not that I was aware. Would say no; 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - Not in front of my face; 30: What’s irritating you right now? - That I have to go to the store; 31: Does somebody love you? - I hope so; 32: What is your favourite color? - Black and red; 33: Do you have trust issues? - Sometimes; 34: Who/what was your last dream about? - My last case. That one was intense; 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? - My sister; 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? - I do; 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? - Forgive; 38: Is this year the best year of your life? - I would say, yes; 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? - 17; 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? - God no, that's against law; 51: Favourite food? - Fried chicken; 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? - Yes; 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? - Read a book; 54: Is cheating ever okay? - Nope; 55: Are you mean? - Not at all; 56: How many people have you fist fought? - None; 57: Do you believe in true love? - Yes; 58: Favourite weather? - Winter, snowy days; 59: Do you like the snow? - Very much; 60: Do you wanna get married? - I do; 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? - I love it; 62: What makes you happy? - Hugs, compliments; 63: Would you change your name? - No; 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? - Not at all, could kiss him for hours; 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - Wish them to find someone else; 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? - Of course; 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? - My boss... 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - My sister; 69: Do you believe in soulmates? - Yes; 70: Is there anyone you would die for? - My sister and the person I love.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Treating Illusions As Real in "Friendship"

Since there are only like 10 people here who I feel like I can definitely trust (at least as far as letting them read the shit I'm thinking about for real on a Still Mostly Anonymous Platform), I think I'm going to use the blog for a bit as a therapy journal. I'm working on coming to terms with how many 'friendships' I've had and nurtured and poured time and effort and love into in my life that weren't real.

The girl I'm going to write about today, I don't think it's necessarily fair of me to call her friendship fake, because I think she's lived a lot of life that makes her so damaged and hungry for a sense of belonging herself that she's been drawn into some shady things and bad decisions from peer pressure.

I befriended R in first grade. She lived in my neighborhood (well...my grandparents' neighborhood) and went to my church and was in my class at school. As an elementary school kid, we weren't fully formed people yet, and all of us just wanted to belong and make friends, so I didn't notice any difference in R than I did any other kid I knew. But in middle school, when I changed schools, the differences became pretty clear. R was the only real contact I had with my past in 7th grade, because she still went to the church my family attended. The nostalgia and desperation I had to maintain any connection to that piece of myself I'm sure is what fed the closeness I tried to build (and thought for years I had actually built) with her. Her parents kept her really sheltered and naive to the point of being in the dark entirely. She wasn't allowed to participate in normal teenage life like dances or sports events or competing on school teams or dating. She wasn't even allowed to watch PG-13 movies in high school. When we graduated from college, and moved into our own respective places on our own, I remember having movie nights with her a couple of times where we watched like...The Breakfast Club and Ghostbusters...movies she'd never seen because she wasn't allowed to. She was a 24 year old college graduate and homeowner, just like me, but unlike me, she had no social life experiences or shared cultural frame of reference with her peers. Like...I'm a pathological introvert who is probably undiagnosed on the spectrum, but at least when someone talks about Michael Jordan or Nirvana or Back to the Future, I know what the fuck they're saying.

Because of this lack of socializing with peers and even having the same reference points, as a young adult, she was behind, and desperate to catch up and find a place she could fit into. We grew up Catholic, which is already a fairly restrictive, guilt-laden religion to be raised inside, but my friend left the Catholic church for the built in social life that came with evangelical Christianity. While it comes with a lot of social outlet included, it's also MORE socially restraining than the Catholicism I grew up with (no one got upset if you drank or gambled a little...shit, that's a church festival; you were allowed to read and watch movies and listen to music and dance to it if you wanted...you were allowed to date, at least in a hetero way...) And she got involved with multiple MLMs. And CrossFit. She made the dating mistakes the rest of my friends, and even borderline totally asexual me made in middle and high school in her mid-20s. We remained (I thought at the time at least) friends through all of this. I invited her to my wedding (she didn't come; along with most of the other 'friends' I invited to my wedding, except for the folks I saw at work every day, and they probably only came for free beer and so they could still look me in the eye when I got back to work from our honeymoon). She made some very unsound financial decisions (out of character for her) driven by desperation for social connection, and J and I tried to help her with budgeting; J even did some repair and electrical work for her for free to help her out when our son was small.

And then, even through 30ish years of knowing each other, and dabbling in a lot of groups that have some cultish traits, and her not showing up for me on some pretty big occasions (wedding, new house, baby...), but showing up to things where she could try and book MLM parties or mingle with other people who felt like Being Christian or Going To The Gym was their identity, she's the friend who called J at work when I left BookFace, to ask why I'd 'gone off the deep end.' She's one of many people who became instantly distanced from me once the effortless (and I don't mean that in the good way) connection of social media was gone. But when my son was in third grade, right after I broke my leg, she called me on the phone (which I hate, honestly, and I'd think after 30ish years of knowing me, she'd know that) and straight up tried to recruit me in her latest group. It emphasized how wrong homosexuality and sex outside heterosexual marriage were (she was still not married at the time and blamed homosexuality and porn for this somehow). And she told me that I needed to 'literally embrace' racists and sexists to show them I believed they were valuable people with something to contribute, and that would magically make them no longer hateful. That was early in 2017, and I haven't spoken to her since. I legit wonder if she's in an actual cult now; I'm pretty sure she was trying to actually recruit me to one on that last phone call.

But then social anxiety tells me all I ever was to her was someone to use...her parents would let her connect to me because of church when we were young; I supplied those movies she never saw and music she never got to hear; I bought makeup I didn't wear from her and helped her when she was in trouble. But when I left social media, I definitely wasn't worth any more effort than passively staring at her phone to maintain the connection, and when a group told her if I didn't join them with her, I was permanently expendable from her life...she cut me loose.

So often in my life, 'friends' disappear once I set a boundary. One boundary. Any boundary. This one was I'm not going to hug racists and join your purity cult. But other ones have been I'm not going to reblog your stuff as soon as you post it. I'm not going to dogsit for you over Thanksgiving weekend. I don't want to come to a party with this person you know has hurt me. I'm not going to emotionally abuse or abandon this other person because you want me to. I don't want to constantly talk about what drives your anxiety when you claim you can't talk about anything else at all to alleviate mine. I asked you for some time before we talked about this if I could talk about it at all and you continued to pressure me to talk about it so I told you that hurt me.

I mean...i feel like most people in my life don't let me have boundaries. Whenever I set one, they bail. We're good as long as I'm effortless and undemanding and willing to cater to them, but I'm talking ONE boundary...and they're out. Or at least twice, they've done something sadistic and cruel to me first. It makes me wary to set them inside most connections, but it makes me even more wary to try to make connections with other people at all. I often feel like the same little shy girl who's always felt different, because I feel used a lot for whatever gifts I can offer another person, and then they don't stay if I can't keep giving whenever they want. That hurts. And not the first friend up there ^^^, or so many others who have left, but the last two really painful exits were also full of lies. That hurts worse.

I always latch onto pieces of fiction and songs that express my feelings for me when my own words are failing, and there's this quote from Markus Zusak's The Book Thief that has stuck with me since the first time I read it:

"***A DEFINITION NOT FOUND IN THE DICTIONARY*** Not leaving: an act of trust and love, often deciphered by children."

I think I've always been seeking trust and love in a childlike way, because all I really want is someone to not leave. I have one friend who only left once, for a little while. And I have J, who's never left since he showed up the first time, not even once. So far, everyone else has. Or maybe most of them were never even there.

[squeakyfir]

I'm your huckleberry (Tombstone 1993) (Doc Holliday)

Description:

The joys of modern inventions and miracles are often taken for granted. Your hungry or thirsty? Get something from the fridge or make it. You need to go somewhere? Drive or call an uber. Your hurt? Go to the doctor.

Your bored? Watch a movie, play video games, watch videos on the internet, talk to people without ever leaving your house.

Some much time is in our hands... but back in the 19th century... you wouldn't last very long.

Diseases are rampant, gun violence is higher, no modern technology, barely any good medicine, almost all of your favorite food doesn't exist and most of the people are rude as hell. But... That doesn't mean all of them were so bad. Love was not something most people in this time really cared about. At least, in the town of Tombstone, Arizona.

After falling asleep with a nice looking stone you bought at a small stand at the carnival, your whole world becomes the opposite. Six people from the past discover you unconscious and alone in the blistering heat and offer help but it was their help that let you meet the most amazing man you've ever met.

John Henry "Doc" Holliday.

Chapter 10

Previous ~ Next

Now that the new law was passed, things in Tombstone were getting tense. The cowboys were looking more distant and angrier but the innocents were feeling a bit safer walking down the street now. You did too. Right now, you were with Doc at the Oriental Saloon and you were so exhausted. You showed up ten hours ago and he was still gambling, apparently for thirty-six hours hours straight. You tried to get him to stop and go to bed but he wouldn't budge. Both Morgan and Virgil were there and they could see how exhausted you were. You kept yourself awake by having Doc talk to you and listening to the woman singing, who you've come to learn was the actress that Wyatt was infatuated with named Josephine Marcus.

Morgan suggested that you should go back to the cottages but when three cowboys came in to challenge Doc, Doc sweet talked you into staying to watch him lay waste to them and because he hadn't seen you in a bit. He was growing closer and closer to you. At this point, he was showing off to you. But what he was also showing off by mistake was his coughing. He was coughing and continuously putting a white handkerchief up to his mouth. You asked if he was ok but he didn't say much about it other than, "I'm alright, darlin'".

Some time went by and Wyatt had showed up to the Saloon and Morgan went to him to tell him what was going on. Wyatt understood and came over to see Doc. "Wyatt, just in time. Pull up a chair".

"Doc" Wyatt said as he came over at his side. "You been hittin' it awful hard, haven't ya"?

"Nonsense. I've not yet begun to defile myself". You sat in between Doc and Morgan and Wyatt could see how exhausted you were. "Listen" Wyatt said to Doc, "I was wonderin' if you wouldn't wanna go on over to the Crystal Palace-"

"I will not be pawed at, thank you very much".

"I'm sorry".

"I tried to get him to stop but he won't listen to me" you said.

"No one can make him" Wyatt said. Wyatt then pulled up a chair beside Doc to sit for awhile. While Doc poured himself another drink, "Hey, you've been called" the cowboy known as Ike Clanton said to Doc. Doc drank his drink and flipped his cards over and acted like it was a mistake but he was only kidding since he won, yet again. "Oops". He laughed and was about to pull the pile of money towards him but Ike quickly grabbed his hand. "What is that now? That 12 hands in a row, Holliday? Son of a bitch, nobody's that lucky".

"Why, Ike, whatever do you mean" Doc asked confused but he was very drunk.

"Take it easy, boys" Virgil said as he was leaning up against the bar drinking. Doc pulled the money towards him and motioned for you to get his bag. "Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike".

"Oh, I know" you said getting all their attention. "Let's have a spelling contest"! Doc and Morgan started laughing and Ike was about to grab you but Wyatt and Virgil quickly stopped him. "How 'bout if I just wring your scrawny neck" Ike threatened you.

"Enough, Ike" Virgil said getting in front of him so he wouldn't hurt you or anyone. "Are you takin' his and her part? Huh? I'm the one who got cheated! You goddamn pimps! Y'all in it together. You and your whore".

"Say what now" you said.

"Nobody's in anything, Ike. You're drunk, go on home and sleep it off". Virgil tried to then gently push him out the door but Ike then yelled, "Get your goddamn hands off me"! His outburst startled you and you tried to back up to hide but Doc quickly put a hand on yours to reassure you. "Don't you ever put your hands on me, see? Don't you ever try to manhandle a cowboy, 'cause we'll cut her damn heart out. You understand me, you pimp-"

"Don't you threaten her you little son of a bitch" Virgil threatened and looked like he was about to strike him but Wyatt quickly got up to keep Virgil back and the two other cowboys quickly stood up too. "Come on, easy, Virg, easy! You just go on home and forget about it, huh, Ike"?

"I ain't gonna forget nothin'" Ike said as he went to the end of the bar. "Well, that certainly was a bust. Come darlin', let's seek our entertainment elsewhere" Doc said as he was standing up.

"No! Your going to bed".

"I'm just gettin' started-"

"I don't give a fuck"! Everyone in the room looked at you and Doc. "Your health is more important! Now, if I have to drag your drunken ass back to your hotel room, then I will! I promise you now, your going to bed"! Even though Doc was drunk out of his mind, he was once again impressed with the way a woman was speaking to him with no fear. He was used to women not having the social capabilities to stand up to any man but considering that your from the future, he now had more questions about your time. Doc stood up and was coughing again but he was now stumbling and bringing his handkerchief up to his mouth which now showed bits of blood.

You quickly caught him and asked him worriedly, "What's wrong, Doc"?

"Nothin'. Not a thing. I'm right as a male". He then fainted and collapsed onto the hard wooden floor which recaptured everyone's attention. Both Morgan and Wyatt got down to see if he was still conscious and then grabbed him by the arms and legs to take him back to the hotel with you following close behind. He was situated back on his bed in his room and you could see, even with dimmed lighting, that he was sweating profusely. You asked Morgan to get some water and Wyatt to get some cloths and they didn't hesitate to listen to you.

They returned with said items and you started to wet one of the cloths and press it gently on Doc's head. "It's late, (y/n)" Wyatt said, "I'll have the doctor come by in the morning to look at him but you need to rest."

"I'm staying here, Wyatt" you said firmly. "I'm not leaving him alone". Wyatt could understand your worries but he and Morgan were hesitant to leave you alone. They didn't know if the cowboys followed you all and knew where Doc's room was but Wyatt knew that even though Doc was sick, he still prevailed and was still feared. He knew that Doc would protect you. "All right, (Y/n). But if you have a problem, come right back to the cottages" Wyatt instructed like he was talking to a child.

"I will. If you don't mind, Sylvie is still outside the Saloon. Would you mind putting her at the cottages"?

"Of course" Morgan said and then walked out to do said task. Wyatt saw him leave and then looked back at you. He came over and placed a hand on your shoulder. "Please be careful, alright".

"I will, don't worry. I may not be allowed to shoot a gun in town but I still know how to kick some ass if I have a problem". Wyatt smiled and left your shoulder cold and headed towards the door. He was really hesitant to leave you alone but he still walked out and left the hotel to see Morgan off a little ways away taking Sylvie to the cottages. Wyatt looked back and was hoping you'd be ok and made his way to the cottages.

After Wyatt left, you continued to make sure Doc was ok and opened up some windows to let some cool air come in and you noticed that he was sleeping. You were very exhausted and decided to sleep in the chair. It wasn't comfortable but you didn't want Doc to wake up and find you in his bed. That'd be a bit weird. You got as comfortable as possible and fell asleep. Not caring about the cowboys or being stuck here seemed to concern you. All you cared about now was making sure Doc was ok.

[keefwho]

August 09 - 2024 Friday

11:51pm

5/10

Typical morning. On stream I finished the next commission I had and this impatient guy's YCH. We watched Rugrats for the first time in awhile since we watched the movie. I didn't eat lunch because I wasn't hungry, my body wasn't feeling it. During my lunch hour I talked a lot with TK which was nice, also while I worked a little bit. After she left to rest, I joined BR's server while I worked on my pony avatar. I finished modeling the mane 6 so now I just have to set them up in Unity and finish the world for them. After hanging out with them and finishing work, I took a break before drinking time in VR. I did some stuff with myself and fantasized about an interesting topic, something I think I've been warming up to lately after having time to process it. So that was interesting. I knew I couldn't drink on an empty stomach so I made a rice a roni cup and got on VR. TK and I hopped around in my newly made Twilight Sparkle avatar to see if people would clone it, which some did. Then I had her meet the art friend I made yesterday and we followed her around for a little bit before chilling and watching her paint. TK and I wore each other's avatars since I told her that was an experience I really liked and it was neat, I got that weird sense of awareness again seeing someone else in my avatar while I wasn't me. After TK left to sleep, I hung out with UP for a bit and talked about some interesting things. Then I left to join BD and see what they were up to. We got up to some shenanigans and that was fun. I was with them until I made dinner and joined in desktop so I could eat. Then I got off for the night.

I think something snapped in me and hopefully it stays that way. I really want to get my shit together because I know what I should be doing but often times I choose not to because the unhealthy shit I do is too familiar and comfy. Well I'm tired of having immense breakdowns and undermining my relationships. I will use this motivation while I have it so hopefully I made some progress.

I had to get back in touch with some hard truths: that I am highly insecure and a result of that I exhibit unhealthy attachment. It can be hard to realize because a lot of the things I feel seem like the connection that I want but really I lack what I truly need. Perhaps as a product of my low self worth, I take what I can get and don't imagine I could have anything more. Well I'm starting to die so I can't keep up this charade anymore. I have to treat myself right and put myself in the right places.

[kreeperslash]

Journal Pt.3

I'll will start breaking these past and current stuff into two separate posts to make it more consistent in what I'm talking about. Current stuff will be called Journal pt.x and past stuff will just be called i don't know uh memories pt.x and they won't be consistent timeline wise I rather it be more random moments of me and C. Also I might reconsider what these post are since they appear more like a diary rather than actual progress stuff (obviously will still record my stuff I feel like I'm getting done and improving to feel like a actual person) still keeping the name I like it.

C was with me on the Uber ride to the airport had to wake up at 6am to get to the airport and get on my original flight that was leaving at 10:55 to the US Cali then to Houston and then my final destination in a Mexican city close enough I guess to my city (still 9 hour drive) but with how badly that situation got with me even boarding my flight I felt bad about how the whole thing went down and C having to stay a lot longer to be with me before I depart. First flight went faster when I had C when going to Australia. I miss you...

4 or 5 hours into my first flight:

This will be my second time flying on a plane, C has done it many times to come see me so they are an expert. I'm still clumsy about it. Kinda dumb the US is one of those countries that requires a visa of some sort to just pass by it and won't actually get off there. Which basically nullified and I can say goodbye to the money I dropped on that flight won't be getting it back. Remember I was under DACA meaning I'm pardon by the US because I came illegally to the US as a child. Guess next time I go to C it will be a bit pricier because I'll need a round about way of getting there. Oh well I'm somehow got on my flight last minute the whole security check part still has me confused forgot to put a clear bottle on the X-ray tray thing. I was more worried about not loosing my Polaroid photos of C. I'm clumsy and would have most likely embarrassed them when we were at security if they could go that far with me. Next time I'll have it down better especially since I'll have have to deal with changing to two other flights. Not that I actually have to collect my luggage (please let all 3 other check luggage make it with me I heard some delay on the people at the gate talk about luggage being stuck).

What's the deal with the terrible music selection on flights (guess music is subjective) still only saw David Bowie and Prince as the only decent music. Movies were good watched Bohemian Rhapsody, re watched the remake of Mean Girls (Regina George actress makes that movie the only good thing about it). Oh and my overhead space was full so I had to go further down the isle to find a spot now I forgot where it was besides the general description of people so awkward when getting my stuff back, and the inside is dark as hell so it's even harder to see people. I have to look around to see my bright green carryon in different overhead compartments. Really wanted to read a book but guess my half a day stay in Chile will be used doing that and browsing online and posting this entry.

8 or 9 hours into my first flight:

I haven't gotten a wink of sleep I really should have I tried finding my luggage but felt weird since it's not on my overhead. I'll be feeling really bad at Chile waiting 12 hours for my next flight to Federal District in Mexico. Once I get off I hope C is still up but I doubt it would be midnight and they would already be asleep especially since they are with friends. Also going to be really hungry been trying to eat as much as I can to survive the 12 hours layover.

Last two hours of my first flight:

I accidentally left my oodie back home (Where me and C were living), they asked it's just a oodie. Well yea might just be a oodie but it's the one they gave me first my birthday and has given me warmth while my time in Australia and retains the love, smell and car hairs of our fuzzy buddy. Something that will give me some comfort for the first few days in Mexico without C. Going to look for my carry on and where I put it. Nope still awkward and everyone is covered in blankets so can't see the family I asked whose leather jacket I am grabbing and putting on top of my carry on. Got my last meal it was only two dinner and breakfast had to get hot heavier stuff so arroz con pollo y vegetales (rice with chicken and vegetables) for dinner and Australian omelette for breakfast with some potatoes wedges. Also weird that we didn't have to do any paperwork on the flight maybe it's only for first world country flights. Like how when me and C went to Australia there was a slip we had to fill at some point and give it to the exit gate people.

[135-film]

stole this from an ask game because i have no respect for people and i don't think anyone cares about my opinion on characters. so meow. i'm just answering it myself idgaf

i'm gonna be talking about my babygirl (DA2 not awakening) cus hes on my mind frequently.

1. why do you like or dislike this character?

his transgenderism captivates me. and also the terrorism/treason

2. favorite canon thing about this character?

his everything. i literally think about him daily

3. least favorite canon thing about this character?

his hatred towards elves especially fenris. i like his asshole attitude until it comes to literal slaves but i don't even think bioware like, knows what slavery ACTUALLY is so. lol.

also i love bisexuals more than anything (bisexuals are the sexiest people aliveeee) but also the fact that he "is" bisexual even though he really. shouldn't have been. his interactions with female hawke are so insanely lackluster it hurts, but his interactions with male hawke are more than faggoty to the point real human people were mad about him being a faggot to them

4. if you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

nothing <3 i don't think about crossovers because i do not really care for them

5. what's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

i don't do music associations for anyone but IRL people and my kins so i do not have a single one.

6. what's something you have in common with this character?

we are both gay transgender terrorists

7. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

almost nothing. they make his stupid gay ass UGLY and also i hate dragon age fans (i am not joking)

8. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

when they bitch about him because hes an asshole or they make him super buff and cis and ugly. and they also like to pair him with fenris because le tensions or whatever, but i am literally begging people to use their fucking brains about that. (they won't)

9. could you be roommates with this character?

no. he would kill himself

10. could you be best friends with this character?

no. i would kill myself

11. would you date this character?

PLEASE ANDERS PLEASE CALL ME BACK PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE I NEED YOU SO FUCKING BAD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character?

his transgender cock is huge

13. what's an emoji, an emoticon, and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or that you think this character would use a lot?

i think this question is stupid but, without a single doubt in my mind: 😼

14. assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

miniskirts and crop tops. and shorts that show his ass. and a g string. and

15. what's your favorite ship for this character? (doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

just anders/hawke (either gender for hawke but M hawke is what i imagine), i don't really think about the companions dating outside of the pre-existing relationships (like iron bull/dorian). but i don't really think DA2 has many good options for him anyways, so unless he's making out with some random fucking NPC that only says "i'm so hungry and it's so dirty down here" i don't think he's getting anything

16. what's your least favorite ship for this character?

fenris/anders. i already said my reasons.

17. what's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite.

i like, almost never see any other ship honestly. i guess i did see a threesome fic that i liked with isabela, but they weren't a thruple they were just fucking lol

18. how about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

i think this question is worded so strangely. but i think a lot about justice and anders relationship a lot, and honestly karl and anders relationship too. i just lay here and go , man .

19. how about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

need i say it again. also, him and aveline should just relax a bit more tbhtbh

20. which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter.

honestly i still think DA2 anders should be best friends with oghren. not that he WOULD be, but that he should be

21. if you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? what's something you don't like?

i literally only write porn fics of DA characters. (i have not shared them anywhere because they are old ass WIPs from like, ages ago.)

buuuut i don't like making him blond and i like melding his awakening personality and DA2 personality together because it's just what makes the most sense to me.

22. if you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? what's something you don't like?

pretty much same as above, and also the whole cis thing. i really cannot believe people don't see him as a nasty tranny

23. favorite picture of this character?

his concept art.

24. what's another character from a different fandom that reminds you of them?

uhhhh. probably nobody right now.

i haven't played BG3 but i've HEARD (from fandom spaces) that gale is pretty similar to anders in a few different ways. but i've also heard (from friends who know nothing about DA) that they don't think i would like gale, so.....truly who is to say unless someone wants to buy me a $59.99 (+$4.50 in state tax) game so i can learn more

25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

when i went into DA2 i was about 15 and had only ever seen fenris/hawke and that was what i wanted. until i saw anders. and then it completely derailed my course and i went fucking crazy for him. and now i cant NOT date him

[monstermaster13]

Character Tgs NOTE: The following is a list of female character TGs i've done that no one else except for a few people have done, this is also a full-list of them to be exact despite the meme only having 10 characters on it.

Lee's female form (Critters 2)

Sarah Sanderson (Hocus Pocus).

Elvira (Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark)

Lydia Deitz (Beetlejuice)

Xena (Xenaverse).

Mina Harker (Bram Stoker's Dracula)

Lilly Munster (The Munsters/Mockingbird Lane).

Lady Van Tassell (Sleepy Hollow). In addition to doing a couple of She-Hessian tgs I did a Lady Van Tassell one that got itself a sequel involving my character becoming the Hessian Horseman.

May Day (A View To A Kill). Yeah, i'm definitely the first person to do TGs of someone into Grace Jones. I did one of someone turning into May-Day, Katrina and yes into Grace herself.

Katrina (Vamp)

Rynn (Drakan: The Ancient's Gates).

Selene (Underworld series)

Edna Turnblad (Hairspray). Considering Edna is played by a man in the musical and also in the movie as a nod to Divine who played her in the 1988 movie, i'm surprised nobody else has tackled doing Edna as a TG before. Especially since weight gain stories are quite popular on here.

Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Till Dawn). I've seen two Salma Hayek tgs by others mostly into Salma herself - I did a Salma Hayek tg as well, but not into Santanico which is a shame because she's one of the most iconic female characters in horror history and after quite a while of waiting to do one, I worked on one of my own.

Maleficent (Maleficent). I've seen a few Angelina Jolie tgs but one of them was a caption and the other was into Lara Croft, so I decided to change that with my little tg of someone into Maleficent from the Disney movie of the same name - I was influenced by the Snickers "You're Not You When You're Hungry" campaign and the commercials to do that since the commercials have had tgs of some kind in them - both female to male and male to female.

Carrie White (Carrie). I'm definitely the first to go a TG of someone into a Stephen King character. No one has done a Carrie related TG before? That's surprising. Because I figured that at least someone would have done one based on Carrie considering well…let's face it, a lot of us can relate to the character and all.

Annie Wilkes (Misery). It's kind of funny to me how most people when doing TGs usually go for the younger and more attractive actresses as subjects to tg into or into singers like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga and yet there is one actresses who should have at least a couple of TGs by now - and that actresses is Kathy Bates. Especially of someone into Annie Wilkes from Misery. Unlike most Stephen King novels or movies based on them, Misery has no supernatural elements and the main villain isn't a creature of the night but rather someone very real that could exist in real life as well, because there are people out there - there are lots of obsessed fanbases out there who are a little bit scrambled in the head when it comes to their sanity - take Team CoCo for instance, talk about holding a grudge - they still hate Jay Leno even to this day even though he did nothing wrong and still think of O'Brien as the poor victim, and also the Russell Brand fanbase and how they worship Russell like he's a demigod and call you out if you argue with them or disagree with anything he says. Annie Wilkes is no big bad monster from the depths of a dark hell-like dimension, she's pretty much someone who could exist in real life. I'm the first to do TGs of someone into Kathy Bates and characters she's played including ones into Annie - which is extremely surprising. It's surprising and shocking no one has done an Annie Wilkes tg before considering stalking and stalkers in general are both very real.

Lillith (Bordello Of Blood). Following the Lee tg I did, I decided to do a TG that had characters from the movie in it making an appearance at the end and that's what I did with my TG of someone into Lillith from Bordello Of Blood, in part 3 of my 'Hexed' story saga there is a tg of someone into Angie Everhart - I plan on doing a full Angie Everhart tg soon along with continuing the Angelina Jolie one I have been working on as well.

Julie Walker (Return Of The Living Dead III). I had been meaning to do a zombie related TG for a while to coincide with the 'zombie craze', so I did a tg of someone turning into Julie from the third Return Of The Living Dead movie. Of course I also intend on continuing on my 'Attack Of The Zombie Minionettes' TG which is going to be a tf/tg story combo paying homage to zombie movies and From Dusk Till Dawn as well as poking fun of the popularity of the Minions (yes, those Minions) and how some people really seem to hate them - the Minionettes are female anthro Minions. I plan on doing the Trash tg as well.

Irena (Cat People 1982)

Akasha (Queen Of The Damned)

Jun/Unknown (Tekken Tag and Tekken Tag 2).

Akivasha (Kull The Conqueror). I'm definitely the first to do a Tia Carrere tg of some kind considering no one else has done one, I planned on doing a TG of someone into Cassandra but that never fell through, so I decided to do Akivasha from Kull The Conqueror instead and yes - in part 5 of the Hexed storyline there is a TG into Tia Carrere, and there is a full on Tia Carrere tg I've also written (I plan on doing the sequel involving my character becoming Christopher Walken).

[evieisclean]

Things I was told I was doing today (01/07/23)

- being disrespectful and rude (said that there was nothing to eat in the house and that all the food was expired)

- conspiring against my stepmom (talking about her behind her back to my siblings / whispering about bad things she's done)

- being jealous and trying to hog my siblings attention away from their friends

- making people uncomfortable, including the neighbor (she took the kids home for lunch because she was so uncomfortable with whatever I did)

What I know I did today (01/07/23)

- Got up between 8-10

- answered some questions that my siblings had about how 'does' was spelt

- ate cereal for breakfast (Patti was with Olivia at dance)

- Sat on the couch and scrolled through Tumblr, liking things

- went to get food multiple times

--- 1st: earlier in the day, I got watermelon out of the refrigerator. It had only recently expired and I didn't eat it only because it tasted like it had expired. I asked Patti if I could throw it in the trash and she said yes. She also apologized for not buying new watermelon to which I said it was fine

--- 2nd: around 11, I went into the refrigerator and asked what we had to eat. Patti gave me some options that did not appeal to me, so I declined. I asked a short time later if there were hotdogs (thinking it was a safe food with not a lot of prep and I could also eat Mac n cheese) to which Patti replied no. She then gave me an option between Mac n cheese and Ramen and I said I didn't care. She gave me the ramen saying it was easier to prepare, so that's what I did.

--- 3rd: Around 4:30, I got chips from the cabinet. They were rice chips that had expired in July of 2022. I ate them anyway. I did not point out the expiration date; Sarah did, to which I said oh well I'm still going to eat them. They're not that bad.

- Patti asked if I wanted a drink from Dunkin to which I hesitantly replied yes and then no because I don't like their drinks anymore and I like Honey Dews more. Patti left to Dunks. The neighbor was at our house by this time and she stayed there when Patti left.

- I played The Floor is Lava with Sarah Jackson Olivia and one of neighborhood kids

- I played checkers with Sarah. Olivia interrupted us at one point and asked to join to which I said originally that she was too young and then corrected myself to say she could play after we finished our game.

- I played Dominos, Shoots and Ladders, Go Fish, and Hungry Hippos with Sarah Olivia and one of neighbors kids.

- the only time I interacted with the adult neighbor was whe Patti and her were talking about the new Top Gun movie and they wondering whether it was good or not. I cut into the conversation and said yes I enjoyed the movie

- There was a point in the day where Sarah was extremely frustrated with Olivia. Olivia kept following her around even when Sarah told her stop. Jackson intervened and pushed Olivia into a table, which he got in trouble for. I was in the bathroom when this happened, which was why when I got out of the bathroom, I asked one of the neighbor kids where Sarah was, since I heard Jackson with Patti and saw Olivia in her room.

- Sarah was downstairs. When I found her, she was very upset. She expressed to me that she felt badly about what happened. She also expressed that she wanted to be away from Olivia but didn't want to make her upset from pushing her away. I conjoled her, told her that Olivia was little, had two parents in her house to support her, and that she still has space to grow and learn.

- Sarah expressed to me that she observed Olivia's behavior towards her parents and found it to be disrespectful. To be fully transparent, I find Olivia to 100% be the favorite of the family, since most of the time she gets everything she wants. Even last night (and this happens every night according to Jackson and Sarah [who told me whilst Patti was away with Olivia's dance]), Olivia was screaming and freaking the fuck out and Patti and Dad had to almost completely give into her to stop crying.

- I explained to Sarah what a bucket dipper and a bucket filler where and tried to let her know that it was okay to set boundaries with her siblings. She was crying throughout most of this

- We hugged multiple times and then I suggested we go for a walk, thinking it would be a good opportunity to clear our hands.

- I told Pattie we were going and she looked distraught at first but then let us go

- it's important to note that several times throughout the day Patti would disappear into her room for a while. I thought it was because she needed a break and I was a little resentful from that thought, but apparently she had been bitching about me to my Dad multiple times throughout the day. So had the neighbor lady apparently. It's funny that she accused me of talking shit about her to her kids when she was doing the same fucking thing to my father.

- on the walk to the church and back, me and Sarah talked about the sunset, when we liked to exercise during the day, and about technology addictions. After having to do damage control with Sarah after the problem with Olivia, my opinion was just to let Olivia grow a little more and to keep her distance if necessary. We didn't spend much time on any of the topics because it was a short walk

- We took a second shorter walk and I asked what type of dog she thought she was. she said golden retriever and I said that suits her. We saw a carving in the tree and Sarah said it looked cool and I asked what it's name was. Then I forgot what window panes were called

- Sarah went to Holly's house immediately after the second walk. Holly was still at Patti's house and she went quickly home to see Sarah

- I sat on the couch again and scrolled through Tumblr again

- Sarah and I decided to play a video game and one of little neighbors wanted to join. She had a controller that was broken. I told her that she couldn't play and she ran off to the table to play with Patti and the neighbor mom. The little girl didn't seem too upset

- the neighbors went home for good for dinner

- Dad came home

- I ate dinner and was short with him because I was pissed he was gone the whole day

- then he told he wanted to talk to me...

What transpired in during my dad's conversation (01/07/23)

- told me all the things I listed in my first list

- I started crying before he even sat me down because I thought he knew that I was upset he was gone all the time and that I was feeling abandoned

- NOPE

- he dropped all that shit from up there on me and I was completely blindsided

--- This is comparable to 3 instances in my life: when Uncle Brian accused me of being a predator towards my cousin during an innocent game of truth or dare... I WAS 7 OR 8 YEARS OLD / When my teachers thought I was talking shit about my childhood bully and told me to just get over all the trauma he caused me / When my mom destroyed the BLM sign on our yard and I realized how different some of our perspective were

--- what's the common factor? Betrayal, abandonment, unease, and disgust

- And unfortunately today was the day I decided to spill my guts of all the feels I had been keeping inside of me for years, all the tears and fears of being forgotten and not fitting into the family and my actual dislike for some of my siblings and my favoritism for others

- and do you want to know what this fucker did in response to spilling my heart soul and fucking guts?

- he was unsympathetic, didn't tell me everything that these people had accused me of doing today, and basically wouldn't take any responsibility for any of the sadness I had been feeling over the years

- in fact he was defensive trying to start arguments as I tried to form my words into sentences that weren't accusatory (maybe I failed but I fucking tried)

- he basically said we were both adults and because of that I didn't need as much attention as his other kids... As I'm sitting there crying my eyes and begging for him to love me and care for me

- on top of the argument we had yesterday about what jokes are appropriate or not (he kept saying things like go back to picking cotton to black characters in a video game [Mortal Kombat 11] we were playing), I realized how different we are now

- he said was being dramatic and that my heart was on my sleeve

- nothing was resolved

- he didn't let me say my side of the story, partially because I knew he had already made up his mind (because how could he say no to his darling Patti? Even after all the strife they've gone through I'm still lesser than her) and because I knew I was partially to blame. If I had confided in him sooner, I wouldn't have exploded now. It wouldn't have been this bad. This is a lesson I will take moving forward

- and Im now left with the feeling that he doesn't give a shit about his own part in my upsetment even as I acknowledge mine

- I left the house soon after, saying goodbye to everyone and giving hugs (even to Patti even as my skin crawled when I touched her)

- the last thing I heard my father say as I sidestepped him and refused to give him a hug was a sarcastic WOW

What now? (01/07/23)

- I can't block him even though I want to... I imagine he'll just forget about me or cut me out of his life like his father and brothers

- but I fucking want him to miss me

- no more correspondence; all of that shit can go through Mum from now on (luckily he won't have to pay child support for me much longer which haha he tried to use as a point as to why he loved me)

- I'm tempted to send a text of my list of transgressions from above and ask him 'is this it?' but that won't solve anything and just make him angry and me more bitter

- I still want to talk to Sarah I love her so fucking much

- I feel so betrayed and I don't know what to do

Tldr: I'm not going back anytime soon.