#there are less than 30 lesbian bars in the US and even less where I live in the south

[k3n-dyll]

*sigh* tiktok people are doing the straight women in lesbian bars discourse thing again

[eddywoww]

I live in a more conservative area in the US. My family isn't, but whatever. Being LGBT was looked down upon in this area, my parents made sure to tell me it was ok and people were close minded (hell they even left the church they went to and started their own). They were great parents.

That being said the surrounding area was not. Got bullied in school for being gay, even though I simply was just focused on academics. I wanted an A more than I wanted the D am I right? Hm. It frustrated me because no one even asked and I was straight. This went on from when I was 10 to 17, when I finally graduated and got out of that area. The bullying was intense, from something as simple as name calling to having group projects turned in without my name but slurs on it to getting physically pushed around and shoved.

I went to college and met some cool people. Went to a pride parade as an ally. Started learning about different labels. Proclaimed to be demisexual with a desire for men because I still didn't really have any sexual desire and again, focused on school.

When I was 21 I moved to an entire new area for my job. Met a girl in her 30s who has a kid (12 or 13 at the time I dont remember) who came out as nonbinary and pan. Good for them! The woman was an "ally" except-

Tried forcing me to come out. Many times. Put me in secret uncomfortable situations. Some highlights of things she did were: take me to a gay bar without telling me thats where we were and then paying someone to kiss me and then kept asking if I realized I was gay because I didn't push the person away (I was shocked), after I claimed I was demisexual claimed that I had repressed my sexuality because society inherently tells you to be straight and that I was truly a lesbian, would claim I was a virgin if I never slept with a man because a woman couldn't take that so if i had "religious trauma" and wouldn't sleep with anyone based on keeping virginity i could with a woman and be fine (which I dont have any, my parents formed that church and were all inclusive and its a safe space hell they even organized pride events before the town did), and the worst of all got me drunker then I've ever been to the point I could barely stand and left me with a guy who had a crush on me who kept coming onto me. She talked to him and I saw her wink at him and she left me with this dude who got too handsy if you know what I mean. Nothing under the clothes happened thank God, and really it was my own fault for drinking so much at her place *she had many people over, I actually drank less then other people but still*. I asked why she left me with him and she said she was tired, then later said she wasn't surprised he tried anything and then said "well you're definitely gonna be gay now and not want to be with a man".

I left that area behind as my career progressed and it hit me, damn she was kinda fucked up. Kissed a few people and realized hold on I do have a sexual drive hello, and I dont have to get to know people first to have it?? Not demi then. Cool! Realised that the woman kinda fucked me up. I'm doing therapy which...is ok. But I got on Tumblr and have been on

And I've met some cool people. I've realized huh I guess a straight person doesn't think about boobs and vaginas while they get off. The dicks made sense, but the rest? And it hit me Holy shit im bi?? I think??

In my mind, being LGBT was okay but ME oh no suddenly it was the worst thing in the world. And im realizing its okay for me. Idk why I thought it wasn't except for the intense bullying. One thing that made me realize was everyone on tumblr. Like I said I met some cool people. I havent sent everyone a message because I want to be anonymous still. But you're one of the people who have helped me realize its ok. It is okay for me! So thank you for that. One of your fics really helped when I was first struggling with the realization and...thank you. It may not seem like a big thing to you, but its changed my life.

Thank you so much for sending me this. Like actually truly.

First of all, I’m so sorry for the situation with your ex friend. I can’t stand when people need to push and push to get the reaction THEY want, it sickens me deeply. Im sorry you went through that and I’m so happy you’re in therapy and that you’ve discovered yourself now.

It actually IS big to me when I hear about bisexual people accepting themselves. I don’t talk about it here much but I too grew up in a conservative area. I dropped out of school for bullying, etc but had the opposite story of knowing I was bisexual very young and not knowing how to word it? I just knew it was “bad” and I went to church a lot and I needed to repent for it. So I get that part in a warped way.

I think it gets to me for a very personal reason. There’s this inherent shake when you’ve been made to feel bad about your sexuality that resurfaces at random. I had an ex boyfriend who was obsessed with my sexuality in the opposite way. He was abusive and thought I was cheating constantly with my best friend, would call me a d*ke and a f*g constantly (almost always before some sort of physical abuse) and I was just deeply ashamed of my self, to the point of being biphobic at points.

What I’m getting at here is I came out after we broke up and I expected it to be this dawn of time shit because my family is accepting too! And I remember my mom getting upset and going, “Are you sure this isn’t about your breakup? Are you okay?” And I kind of just wanted to fucking scream. Or the way family members treat it like I’m divulging some sort of sexual secret. My sister coming out as bi years later really helped me. Dating someone who both did not care and didn’t want to sexualize me made it better.

In between all that, I ended up dating a girl who I could tell from the get go doesn’t see me (still now as friends) as “gay enough”. None of my struggle or my problems are the same, none of my fears are warranted, etc. that’s fine. I don’t need suffering to know who I am. What I’m trying to get at is even after years there are still tiny things that eat away at me but I’ve learned coping skills and developed friendships that make me feel so much better. And hearing stories from other people helps so much too. So thank you for telling me yours, it means a lot to me. I know you weren’t asking for a wordy response but I just woke up and I’m a sensitive bitch 😂

I’m sorry for the things you’ve gone through and I wish the world had been kinder to a young you. I’m glad you’re better now and if you ever need to message someone (if you ever choose to not be anon) I’m around ☺️💕

[cowboyera]

11/15/24 - dating apps

Another sort of low stakes diary entry type post...

I am currently watching a video essay by epistemOphelia titled "swiped out: exposing the dating app grift." I downloaded hinge two days ago.

I agree with everything epistemOphelia says. She explains how the apps are designed to reduce the significance of human connection, the way people feel spoiled for choice, the sanitization of Romance, sensuality, and physical bodies. I look at people on dating apps with a sense of sameness, they mostly blur together. Most of them are boring and terrible. I feel like swiping left or right on them makes me a more shallow person.

epistemOphelia mentions that these apps are useful for sexual minorities. Her criticism mostly apparently applies to straight people, who have good alternatives. She is honest about it. Her one real comment about gay people leaves me thinking that for gay people, dating apps are an absolutely necessary evil. I don't know that this is her intent and I'm not even critiquing her, but this is what I'm left believing. I'm left repeating to myself "if dating apps are so fucking bad, what am I supposed to do? Die single?" I've met a girl I dated in person maybe twice really, maybe twice and then 2 partial times . None of them ended up good, or any better than relationships confined to dating apps. On top of that, I'm really in a place in my life where I'm having less social connections, not more.

I have queer friends. Most of my friends are lesbians. They are either people who are in relationships or people I don't want to date. I don't really go for dating my friends, it's just not my thing. I'm not seeking out romance as a way to fill a hole in my social life or community.

I went to three gay bars a few weekends ago and one girl called me hot, but I didn't really flirt otherwise. One of them was clearly mostly straight couples, maybe looking for a third or looking for a party, who knows. I could go to a little coffee social at the pride house tomorrow. I've gone to the pride house a couple times. It's mostly people who are younger than me or bisexuals who are married. It's a fine place to make friends, but probably not a great place to find someone I'm interested in. My coworkers are currently mostly if not exclusively 30 you moms or Mormon college students. I hope that doesn't come across as contempt, I like and respect all of these people, but they aren't my dating pool 😐

Again, I'm not searching for community or fulfillment or socialization. I'm looking for someone to have intimate connection with someone to kiss and touch and fuck and love. Many many great friends and activities actually do not replace or fulfill my basic human erotic desire, as much as I've tried. I've basically been single for 2 years, I haven't been touched by someone in an intimate way since August.

I downloaded hinge two days ago and I haven't gotten any likes. I asked three girls out on bumble within the last month and two of them ghosted me. I'm left wondering if I'm the problem? What is so terrible about me that no one can bare to look at me or consider building a relationship with me? The problem with this is that I do have an ego... I think that I'm hot and even fun and interesting.... So perhaps I am too picky, and that is the problem. But I don't really like the idea of lowering my standards out of desperation. So perhaps the problem is with the culture? Or am I just getting unlucky.

Anyways. Feel like I'm banging my head against the wall and I literally just want someone to cuddle with and go to the bar every now and then

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[simonsrosebud]

Alright — this is very important — what’s the wedding party look like? Do either of them get walked down the aisle? What do the bachelor parties look like? What’s the first dance like? The cake cutting? OR! Do they just elope?

Either way, the most important thing of all — what are their vows?

i’m going to warn you:  i’m afraid this is going to be a very long post.

the wedding is in january, before playoffs have the chance to start up.  it’s easier that way also, because most of their friends either play exy or coach it, so they’re all off too.  and dalton’s professor friends are off for winter break.

that being said, they’re on a time crunch for bachelor parties.  and since kevin doesn’t drink or anything, the idea of the “typical bachelor” party is out of question.  kevin doesn’t care for a bachelor party for himself, anyway.

however, when andrew is added to a groupchat with the whole wedding party, he sends two texts.  not to the group, but to allison.  she’s the one handling it, anyway.

the first text is a link to elton john at madison square garden, the second is a text.  

hamilton on broadway friday the 14th, concert 15th.

(ik the timelines don’t technically match up, but since this is all fictional who cares)

it’s perfect.  allison checks with dalton to be sure, and he lights up.  apparently kevin has gotten really into hamilton because duh it’s history, and elton john is one of his favorite artists, especially after dalton introduced him to “your song” in college.

dalton goes with him because they know kevin would want him there, unlike normal bachelor parties where you spend it without your fiancé.

as for dalton’s, he gets taken to florida (it’s only like a 5 hour drive i think but they could fly also) and his friends, who for the most part are straight besides emmie, a blazing proud lesbian, take him to gay bars on gay bars, and then go to star wars land in disney world for a day- kevin’s idea.  dalton is very excited about this because in this ask dalton reveals he’s a star wars fan and says he’d like to go see it someday.  they also get drunk in disney, don’t worry.

they both have good sized wedding parties.  for dalton, it’s carmen, bella, and his best friends jenna, reid, and sam.

for kevin, it’s andrew, neil, and dan.  if anyone asked kevin in college if he’d thought she would be in his wedding party- or even if they’d leave college being friends, he would have said no, but he was stupid to think the foxes would ever lose touch.  if anything, he got closer.

he’s also gotten closer than he ever would have probably wished to allison.  there’s something to be said for the both of them having good taste.  all it took was one trip of clothes shopping for a banquet for them to realize they’d had a lot more in common.

the only reason they never realized it was because they’ve both got the same level of stubbornness.

which is why she somehow ends up being asked to be in his wedding party, too.

kevin isn’t worried about asking neil.  a little about andrew, but he can always get neil to talk him into it.  he stops them both from leaving after practice, one day.  “will you be my groomsmen?  both of you?”

neil really doesn’t look surprised.  not even phased.  he’d been matt’s best man, after all.  “yeah, sure.”

kevin looks to andrew, who hasn’t moved a muscle.

when he does, it’s to swing his bag around his shoulder.  "no speeches.”  and before he gets to the door.  “and no one’s wrapping their arm around mine down the aisle.”  and that’s more than okay with kevin.  he doesn’t really want them speaking, anyway.

and then there’s dan and allison.  he isn’t worried about them, so all he does is text them and they agree.

there’s no more than 70 people there.  the actual ceremony only about 30.  it’s not big by any means, but they didn’t want it big anyway.  plus, kevin doesn’t have a whole group of family to invite like dalton does in the first place.  he doesn’t mind, though, because he’s grown to consider dalton’s family his own.

kevin doesn’t get walked down the aisle.  he never saw himself doing that with a woman before he realized he was bi and could potentially marry a man, so he’s never cared for it.

wymack, however, officiates the wedding.  he’s very proud of it, too.  he never seems to show nerves, and he doesn’t let kevin know, but this is something that causes him great stress.  he can’t fuck it up.

he doesn’t, of course.

he’s standing beside kevin when dalton gets walked down the aisle by his mother, and kevin told himself he wouldn’t get emotional.

he lets out a breath and a soft laugh, then looks up at the ceiling to blink away the sudden wetness in his eyes.

when anne hands him off, she kisses kevin on the cheek and whispers.  “all yours now, love.”

kevin wants to kiss dalton so bad.  so so bad.  but he has to wait.  instead he gives him a wink and takes his hands.  he expects them to be a tiny bit sweaty like they sometimes are when he gets nervous, but they’re not.  dalton’s grip is firm, and the only thing kevin can see on him is glee.

kevin feels he barely can pay attention to the words his father is saying until it’s time for the vows.  he’s first.  he takes a deep breath.pays attention to what his father is saying, too busy staring at his fiancé.  until they get to the vows, that is.

kevin is first, and his heart has never beat this fast.  he memorized his vows, but just in case, he unfolds the paper from his pocket and takes the microphone.  “i’ve made plenty of bad decisions in my life.  going to the club the night before a game, trying to fix the kitchen sink by myself.”  he smiles when dalton laughs at the memory.  “d, i knew from the moment i told you about my demons and you stayed, that choosing you was the best decision i’ve made in my entire life.  your are the strength i didn't know i needed, and the joy that i didn't know i lacked.”  dalton mouths i love you.  “thank you, for supporting and loving me unconditionally, i know i haven’t always made it easy.”

dalton gives the slightest shake of his head at that one.  loving kevin comes as easy as breathing.

“thank you for showing me how to accept myself, and showing me what it’s like to find peace, to know what it’s like to feel wanted and loved.  thank you for helping me to better myself as a man and a partner.  you make me a better person in every single way, and i promise to put it all to use and give back every single day of our lives.  i promise to love you through every hardship, to love you for who you are and who you are yet to become.  i promise to support and help you in every new adventure, and to always be at your side.  i promise to be patient and loyal.  i promise to remember to show you every day how deeply i care for you.  i promise to share my whole heart with you, to love you fiercely— for the rest of my life.  as long as you’ll have me.”

dalton blinks away tears, and after taking a moment, he accepts the microphone.  "kev,” he whispers, and takes a breath.  kevin knows he has his written down, but he doesn’t take it out.  he doesn’t need it.  “i used to think that i just got lucky that some random hot kid asked me for help with his homework.”  kevin grins.

“but i’ve realized now that the universe put you in front of me for a reason.  you have filled my life with happiness and have given me a sense of peace that i’ve never known.  you are my best friend, my biggest supporter, and the best co-pilot in life that i could’ve ever wished for.”  he smiles.  “today marks the start to the rest of our lives, whether we’re ready or not.  i will not take our time together for granted. and because words can’t do it, i promise to show you, for the rest of my life, how much i love you.  i promise to encourage you to follow your dreams.  to support you through any of life’s obstacles.  i promise to make you laugh when you’re taking yourself too seriously.  i promise to hold your hand through the good and the bad, to keep you afloat when you feel you’re drowning.  i promise to share the weight on your shoulders like it’s my own.”

a tear drops from kevin’s eye, and dalton reaches to gently wipe it with his thumb before grabbing his hand.  “i promise to never stop making up my own lyrics to songs i don’t know. although, i know you wish i would.  i promise to look back on our lives when we’re old and gray and have no regrets.  i promise, from this day forward, kevin day, that you will never walk alone.”  he lowers the microphone, whispering.  “as long as you’ll have me.”

it’s a very emotional ceremony, that’s for sure, but they’re grinning by the time the rings go on, and dalton barely holds back from jumping kevin before he can say, “you may now kiss.”

kevin has his arms around dalton’s waist and dalton’s hands on his cheek and the back of his neck, and they’re both smiling into the kiss less than two seconds in.  but kevin doesn’t care.  dalton’s laugh is the best thing he’s ever heard and he relishes in it as he crushes him in a hug before tearing back down the aisle.

their first dance is to “your song” by elton john.  is it probably overused?  sure, but kevin isn’t into music enough to know or care about that.  it’s the song that

it’s always been dalton’s go to song to sing in the car, and whenever he does he tends to just kind of grab onto kevin’s hand while he sings.  he’s no harry styles but he can hold a tune just fine.

it then turned into a song kevin listened to on bus or plane rides, and when he entered the pros dalton started sending him voice memos on text of him singing like two lines from the song before his every flight.

kevin also played it in the car back to the cabin after he proposed.

it’s their song.

dalton pulls kevin to him for the first dance, with one hand holding kevin’s and the other pressed against the small of his back.  and dalton’s singing along just loud enough for kevin to hear.  it makes him smile at his dork of a husband, and halfway through the song kevin lays his head on dalton’s shoulder and slides his arms around his neck.  he closes his eyes and ever so quietly sings along.  

dalton kisses the side of his head and wraps his arms around kevin’s waist.

when the song is coming to an end, dalton kisses kevin and smiles as he sings the last lines to him.  “how wonderful life is while you’re in the world”

kevin smiles.  “sweetheart,” he whispers.

but then the song ends, and kevin leans back against their table as dalton takes the floor with anne for the mother son dance.  he sends a thought up to kayleigh.

“i’m incredibly proud of you.”  it’s abby at his side, sliding her arm around his waist.  she kisses his cheek.  “i know you know this already, that you foxes are family to us.  but... you have always been like a son to me.  and you always will, even if not by blood.”

kevin is looking at his feet, but eventually he meets her gaze.  “you’re the closest thing i’ve ever had to a mother.”  he squeezes her hand, and, “do you want to do the dance with me?”  he doesn’t know how he hadn’t thought of it before.

abby’s a little teary, but nods.

dan rests her head on wymack’s shoulder.  “he’s done good.”

wymack nods.  he doesn’t respond, because he’s got… something… stuck in his throat.  not emotions, definitely not emotions.

kevin smears cake all over dalton’s lips when they cut the cake, and in return he presses a messy kiss to his cheek.  it’s sickenly sweet.  the whole thing is, especially compared to the kevin day that some people know, and the one they see on television.

i can’t think of other things i may have missed, but please please let me know if there is anything else you guys want more insight on, or prompts regarding these!

oh yeah, kevin throws one of the bridesmaids little bouquets as a joke.

and carmen catches it.

[eldritchamy]

I watched “Happiest Season” and no it fucking wasn’t.

Here’s a review so you don’t have to suffer like I did: if I wasn’t watching it as the host of a movie night, I would not have made it past 20-30 minutes in.

It was very uncomfortable to watch.  I feel like I just spent two hours on a plane with a crying baby.  Except the baby was a homophobic rich white Republican that I was forced to campaign for.  All of the people I watched it with, including myself, found it stressful, anxiety inducing, and deeply unpleasant.  The first thing I did when it was over was warn my best friend not to watch it.

90% of the movie is rich white straight people drama forcing lesbians into the closet.  It’s not fun.  It’s not happy.  It wasn’t enjoyable.  At all.  Watching this was an uncompromisingly depressing and miserable experience.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it was neither of those things.   I feel repressed for having seen it.  

Every relationship in this movie is toxic and hard to watch, with the sole exception of two other characters who aren’t part of the family both having much better chemistry with Kristen Stewart’s character than her girlfriend.

Aubrey Plaza playing Gay Aubrey Plaza one of two redeeming things in the movie and she’s in it for about ten minutes, and even one of her scenes was hard for me to sit through (the awkward and dubiously written drag bar scene)  The other 90 minutes are agonizingly drawn out and unbearable.

If you are determined to support this movie because god knows we need more (and MUCH better) representation and we live in a hellscape where money is the only way to ask for such things, press play on it and then take out your headphones and go read a book instead until it’s over.

For your own sake please do not watch this.  

I genuinely can’t tell who it’s even FOR.  If anything about this movie resonates with you, I am SORRY to hear that, because you are probably the lesbian daughter of a very rich white man running for office as a Republican, and watching any of the rich housewife reality shows probably gives you PTSD because those are the kind of people you grew up with.  

And even IF that is the case, spare yourself the trauma of watching your own life and watch something else instead.  This movie will only hurt you.

Nothing about the experience of seeing this was worth it.

Plot spoilers ahead.

The plot is as follows:

Abby (Kristen Stewart) loves her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis).  But she does not love Christmas.  After a night out together, Harper asks her to join her when she visits her family for the holidays.  Abby says yes, and gets her gay male friend John (that guy from Schitt’s Creek) to cover pet sitting for her. While running a few errands with him, she goes to pick up an engagement ring which looks completely unattainable for a woman who makes a living as a pet sitter.

When they are almost to Harper’s family’s home, she awkwardly brings up that she lied about coming out to them earlier in the year.  They still don’t know she’s gay and they have to make sure the family is perfect and scandal free because her dad is running for mayor or something and one of his donors? campaign manager? is going to be there.  So they have to pretend Abby is her straight roommmate.  They fight about it before Abby very reluctantly agrees.  This is a pattern that repeats until Abby can’t take any more.

The family is like upper-class-Republican terrible.  They are AWFUL people.  The parents treat their children like trophies in a display case, and the children all feel forced into brutal competition with each other to see who the parents will actually be proud of.  One of Harper’s sisters (Jane) is actually an okay person who does nothing wrong, but she’s an aspiring writer who has spent 10 years not finishing her book and she’s played like she belongs in a different movie, and it feels like she’s meant to be seen as the useless layabout sibling, in a cruelly funny way.  

The other sister is a nightmare of a woman (Sloane? I think?) played by a completely unrecognizable Allison Brie.  She’s a lawful evil cutthroat monster who is straight up VICIOUS to the other two, and is especially terrible to Harper, because neither of them even see Jane as competition.  Her own family is the thing she uses to try to be worthy of her parents’ pride and affection.  

The dad is focused entirely on his campaign and is more or less indifferent to all of them unless they aren’t “presentable” and “scandal free” enough to keep his potential donor/campaign manager satisfied, in which case he “expects better of them” until they behave.  The children are like 30.  

The mom is maybe the worst of all of them.  She’s invasive, ignorant in that forceful way where she doesn’t give a shit about anything except her own bubble of reality that she thinks she’s living in and blows past any contradiction to it like it’s not even there, nitpicky about what everyone’s doing, is willfully out of touch with everything she’s told (Abby’s parents died when she was 19, and she spends the movie acting like she thinks Abby grew up in an orphanage made of dirt and never had a Christmas before).  And she will not leave the two of them alone.  She insists it’s ridiculous for two grown women to share a bedroom and gives Abby a room without a lock in a basement that’s bigger than my whole house, while Harper’s room is upstairs.  Everyone is constantly barging into Abby’s room with less than two seconds of notice, which leads to the kind of tension and awkwardness you’d expect.  The first morning, Abby wakes up to Sloane’s children staring at her.

Abby is clearly MISERABLE.  And so are you, because you’re watching this movie.  Abby and Harper are constantly pushed apart by the family, and Harper pushes Abby away while pretending to be perfect and straight for her family.

Her family invited Harper’s ex boyfriend, who thinks they should rekindle things.  Super fun thing that I always love to see in my lesbian media.

While out at dinner, Abby and Harper have another mini fight in the bathroom.  Harper promises she had no idea Connor(?) was going to be there and that there won’t be any more surprises.  They walk out of the bathroom, right into Harper’s OTHER ex, her first girlfriend Riley (Aubrey Plaza, who literally just plays herself and is the only good thing about the movie).

This is the first 20 minutes.

There’s a party that leaves Abby feeling isolated and pushed away.  She goes outside to make a phone call.  She makes regular texts and phone calls to John for support and advice throughout the movie.  He’s terrible at taking care of fish, but he’s genuinely a good friend to her and it’s clear he cares about her a lot.  It’s probably unfair not to say his friendship is the second redeeming thing in the movie.  After Abby gets off the phone with him the first time, Riley comes out from around the corner and tries to be nice, saying she could relate to what she’s going through.  Abby kind of closes off from her and she takes the hint without any fuss and leaves her alone.

The movie slogs on with compounding stress and anxiety and a moment when Abby is LITERALLY forced to hide in a closet and pretend she was sleepwalking on her way to Harper’s bedroom at night.  It MIGHT have been an attempt at a joke?  I’m genuinely not sure because I did not come close to laughing once in the entire 100 minutes of this nightmare.  Harper instead sneaks into Abby’s room while she’s awkwardly trying to get away from Harper’s mom.  That’s where the gifs of the sneak-snuggle from behind the door come from.  Enjoy the gifs because everything that wasn’t giffed is not worth seeing.  Harper spends the night there.

Bright and early, Harper’s mom comes knocking on the door, trying to open it and barge in again but Abby blocked the door with something heavy claiming it was to “keep her from sleepwalking again” (her excuse for being in the closet) while Harper frantically gets almost-dressed and hides behind the door as BOTH parents come to bother them, and the evil sister’s children see her partially dressed through the crack in the door.

Later that day Abby has to go shopping for a present for the “White Elephant” Harper didn’t warn her about.  She bumps into Sloane at the mall, who dumps her kids off on her before quickly leaving.  The kids very intentionally frame Abby for shoplifting by putting a necklace in her bag, and there’s a really awkward and uncomfortable scene with her being interrogated by overly forceful mall cops who are yelling at her.  When she finally gets back to the house, Harper’s entire family now thinks she’s a criminal.

Abby spends the night alone during another (campaign?) party that Harper told her she’d probably be happier getting left out of, and she bumps into Riley on the street and gets to talking with her, still more frustrated by Harper and her family.  She says she needs some alcohol, Riley takes her to a drag bar which gave me really bad vibes and bonds with her there, telling her a bit about her relationship with Harper.  They dated secretly (obviously) in their first year of high school (which implies she knew she was gay before she dated Connor, and used him as a cover).  They would sneak each other romantic notes.  When someone found one in Harper’s locker, she threw Riley under the bus completely, outed her, and said she was obsessed with her so she could go on pretending to be straight.  They bond a bit and seem like they could be friends, at a minimum.  They have a few more scenes together over the next hour (yeah there’s still that much movie left, and if you’re wondering how it could be that bad, you’re welcome for the warning, because I was wondering that too) and they have better chemistry than Abby and Harper by miles.

Eventually Abby becomes so miserable she checks the movie-specific version of Uber to try to go home by herself, but it’s running at holiday rates so it would cost over $1000 for her to leave.  She’s still tempted to do it, and calls John again for advice and says she feels awful, completely alone, and with no way out of this horrible situation.  He gives her some more friendly support.

Abby still needs a White Elephant gift, but has no way to go by herself because Harper drove them there.  So she calls Riley to go with her.  They spend a day hanging out together while Harper is doing some other thing with her dad’s campaign, and Abby makes text excuses to Harper, who then immediately sees Riley and Abby walking by on the street together.  Before she gets a chance to run out and say something, she gets interrupted by something I thankfully don’t remember (I long for the moment this is true of the rest of it).

Riley and Abby bond some more but nothing romantic happens.  The plot only wants them to be good friends, even though their chemistry is really good.

At the end of the day Abby comes in and Harper immediately almost starts a fight with her but they get interrupted again somehow.

I have willed most of the next 20 minutes out of my mind, apparently.

There’s yet another party at this gigantic house because I hate the rich, Abby and Riley talk more.  This is the one with the really gay outfit.  Abby admits to Riley that she was planning on proposing to Harper, but at this point it’s like she’s a completely different person and she can’t tell who the real Harper is.  Riley says it’s probably both of them.

SURPRISE JOHN IS HERE.  He comes in the front door and calls for Abby.  After Abby’s last phone call he arranged for his therapist to do the pet sitting and he drove all the way here just so he could take her home.  Seriously, John has incredible Good Friend Energy.  Yet more awkwardness ensues, while John mixes some awkward flirting with Connor into his poor attempt to come off as straight.  Abby then walks right up to Harper, says “we’re done” and goes to grab some things to leave.  Harper follows her into the room and tries to get her to stay, Abby says she can’t take the hiding and the general misery, the whole experience has been terrible and she’s not sure if Harper is the person she thought she was.  Harper argues for her to stay and says she’s caught between being afraid of losing her family if she comes out and knowing she’ll lose Abby if she doesn’t.  She promises to come out to them as soon as the holidays are over because Abby is more important to her.  They kiss briefly and realize Sloane is in the doorway.

Sloane tries to run to tell the rest of the family because burning Harper’s reputation forever means she’ll be the one their parents love most.  They fight in the many hallways of this stupidly enormous rich people house (this is when “Stay out of it, Sappho” happens) and on the way to ruin her sister’s life Sloane finds her husband making out with another ....campaign person? in the pantry and or closet which is big enough to fit two people inside.   Now Harper has something to use against Sloane.  This family is fucking horrible.  Sloane gets to where everyone else is first, and outs Harper.

Harper tries to swear she’s not gay, and sees Abby watching her.  She silently turns and walks out the door with John.  Harper then grabs a giant painting that Jane spent 100 hours on for the white elephant and smashes it over Sloane’s head and yells at her before falling apart.

Abby and John have another heartfelt conversation where John asks how she came out to her parents, and she said they loved and supported her.  Then he said his dad kicked him out on the street and didn’t talk to him for thirteen years.  He says everyone’s story is different, and Harper was still going through hers, and it was a hard one.  I THINK he acknowledges that if Abby doesn’t feel like she belongs in that story, she shouldn’t force herself to?  But that might have been wishful hindsight.  Abby comes back into the house to grab her things and leave, Harper comes out to her family right in front of her, Abby says it was too late and leaves anyway.  Harper is crushed and the rest of the family starts to see how fucked up they all are.

And then in the span of 7 fucking minutes the parents realize they were shitty to Sloane and Harper and the only reason Jane turned out okay is because they gave up on her, they give a minimal apology to their children, who also realize they were shitty to each other, and then it’s the next day and Abby is there with them, Harper has the ring on her finger, and everyone is magically happy now because the dad turned down his campaign advisor who said she could still work with him if he kept Harper’s “problem” a secret.

Jane’s book becomes a best seller and she’s friends with John now, because he was the only person who seemed genuinely interested in her passion.  He sits next to her at her book signing.  The end.

No, I’m not kidding.

As soon as it was over, I thought, wow that felt like a rushed happy ending that got slapped onto the end with nothing building up to or deserving it.

After further consideration, that gives it too much credit.

Because honestly? after the first hour and thirty five minutes of this hell, Abby and Harper being together at the end is not even something I would consider a happy ending.  I wasn’t satisfied at all.  It DEFINITELY felt like Abby ending up with Riley would have been a better movie.

If I had been told beforehand that a lesbian romcom starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, and featuring Aubrey Plaza as Gay Aubrey Plaza would have been an absolutely miserable experience that was hard to sit through and nothing but unpleasant to watch, I would probably have been shocked and disappointed.  

But at least I would have not seen this movie.  That is my gift to you.  Please do NOT watch this.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it lived up to neither of those claims.  Absolutely terrible movie.  The happiest season of all is one where you don’t watch this stressful, uncomfortable disaster.

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[woman-loving]

The Emergence of a Lesbian Bar Scene in 1960s Sydney

Selection from Unnamed Desires: A Sydney Lesbian History, Rebecca Jennings, 2015.

In addition to these social groups, lesbians were also beginning to join a much longer-standing gay male bar culture in significant numbers, reflecting a broader social acceptance of women and public drinking in the wake of reforms to the licensing laws in the late 1950s. Male narrators recall seeing lesbians on the commercial scene for the first time in the early 1960s, and lesbian narrators begin to discuss their participation in the bar scene from the 1960s onwards.[28] Lesbians socialised alongside homosexual men and drag queens in venues such as Chez Ivy wine bar in Bondi Junction and the Purple Onion coffee shop on Anzac Parade. Virginia, who first visited Chez Ivy and the Purple Onion in the early 1960s, went out on the scene in a group of male and female camp friends and remembers that: ‘It was very mixed. I hardly went anywhere where it was just for women. I think the women’s thing came later, yeah, the segregation side of it.’ She spent these nights out drinking gin and tonic, talking to her friends and dancing the twist, as well as enjoying the drag shows that were put on at the Purple Onion and Les Girls.[29] When Carolyn began to frequent Chez Ivy in the late 1960s she also remembered the clientele as very diverse:

“Chez Ivy’s was home to guys, girls, drag, bi, crossdressers and straights--I felt comfortable in this group and I would look forward to hitting ‘the Club’ each night and weekend ... The cat fights and tantrums were ongoing--this added to the fun of the night and drama. We had parents looking for sons and daughters, bomb threats, vice squad raids, scuffles with ex-lovers--but it was fun!"[30]

Chez Ivy closed at 10pm, but many revellers continue their night out at coffee shops such as Doddy’s on Darlinghurst Road and the Coffee Pot in Kings Cross, or at cabaret clubs such as Les Girls or the Purple Onion.

This picture of the 1960s as a period of transition from a predominantly male to a mixed camp scene is supported by accounts which suggest that lesbians, as newcomers, were not always entirely welcome at Sydney’s camp venues in this period. One reason for this attitude may have been the behaviour and image projected by some bar lesbians: a number of interviewees recall Sydney’s bar lesbians as being quite ‘tough’ or ‘rough’ in this period, in contrast to the more flamboyant drag culture cultivated by camp men. Lesbians were widely regarded as being prone to fighting and causing difficulty in bars with their behaviour. [...]

Although the majority of venues were mixed in the 1960s, lesbians increasingly made up most of the clientele at a few bars: the Trolley Car near Sydney University, the Sussex Hotel on Sussex Street in the City and the Park Inn opposite Centennial Park. Dennis worked at the Trolley Car, owned by Dawn O’Donnell, when it opened in 1966 and recalled the venue as a ‘long, old terraced house’ with a licensed bar downstairs until 10pm and an upstairs room which continued to operate illicitly after official closing time. The venue was popular with lesbians[...]. A significant lesbian clientele also mixed with drag queens at the Park Inn in this period. Karen went to the Park Inn in the late 1960s and recalled that ‘The majority that went there were women.’[35] Laurie, who had gone there for the first time in the 1960s with her girlfriend Helena and two new friends, also remembered:

“I walked in there and it was like seventh heaven. It was full of lesbians from wall to carpet to wall you know? And drag queens. I saw my first drag show there and that was it for me ... We went there every Friday night to Saturday night for the next ten, fifteen years I think?’”[36]

A number of the women who socialised in these venues adopted masculine dress codes and identities. Laurie recalled that all the lesbians at the Park Inn were ‘butch and femme. Three piece suits, cufflinks, ties, the whole bit.’ Laurie herself was introduced to this butch/femme scene by some lesbian friends, who took her clothes shopping in the men’s department of Grace Bros and then to get her hair cut into a ‘short back and sides’ before escorting her to the bar. Her girlfriend, Helene, retained her feminine dress and appearance, as she was adopting a femme identity. Margaret also described the masculine appearance of the other women clientele when she first discovered a camp venue in the 1960s. [...]

For some women, adopting a butch appearance meant potentially passing as a man. Colette recalled experiencing some confusion on her first encounter with a butch lesbian in the early 1960s:

“In 1964/65 I said to my sister, ‘We have to find some lesbians’ ... the only gay place at that time was a place called the ‘Hole in the Wall’, literally a brick circle had been made in the wall ... it was dark inside. It was in Kings Cross in the vicinity of St Vincent’s hospital. It was fully of very interesting people and after about an hour I noticed this very attractive blond boy, there was just something about him, and he obviously noticed me because he came over and spoke and her turned out to be a woman in fully drag so this was terribly exciting for me ... she looked like a  boy but she was a girl, this was exactly what I was looking for. So we went home together and it was off with the frock for me and she unstrapped and stripped down to a t-shirt.”[38]

Colette’s reference to the girl unstrapping suggests that some butch lesbians in this period were binding their breasts in order to adopt a more masculine physique, in addition to wearing male clothes.[39] Some of the lesbians who frequented Ivy Richter’s venues in the 1960s were similarly capable of passing as young men. Ivy recalled one occasion on which gender ambiguity led to an altercation between one of her lesbian clients and a member of the licensing police. [...]

The extent to which femme women were a part of the Sydney scene in this period is more difficult to determine. While a small number of accounts refer to butch/femme partnerships and communities, many focus primarily on butch lesbians, suggesting that butch identities predominated. It is also possible that many femme partners of butch lesbians occupied a more transient position in the lesbian social circles of this period and were therefore less visible. Davis and Kennedy noted that, in the butch/femme community they documents in 1940s and 1950s Buffalo, ‘many fems ... became butch, others went straight, and others claimed to be too shy to be interviewed.’[41] A similar picture emerges in Sydney. In her account of a casual encounter with a butch lesbian at the Hole in the Wall in Kings Cross in the 1960s, Colette describes herself as removing her ‘frock’, suggesting that her own appearance was more feminine than that of her butch partner. Colette herself was a newcomer to the bar on this occasion and implied that she was not part of any coherent lesbian community at the time. Accounts of the Park Inn hotel in this period also suggest that the predominantly butch lesbian clientele mixed with other women as well as drag queens. Laurie, who had gone there for the first time in the 1960s, recalled that women of all classes mixed there and ‘there was one table that was reserved permanently for when the prostitutes came in, from Kings Cross, and they were all gay.’[42] The hotel owner, Ken (Kandy) Johnson, claimed that nurses made up a significant group amongst the more butch regulars and remembered one occasion on which he had received a call from the local hospital, attempting to locate one of their nurses, who was needed to assist on an operation. [...] Kandy’s account of this exchange suggests that camp women who identified as butch--wearing men’s suits and short hair--may have interacted with more feminine prostitutes in his bar. Whether or not some of the prostitutes had sexual relationships with women, Kandy’s account suggests that others may not have immediately identified them as camp, defining them instead primarily as ‘prostitutes’. How the women themselves defined their sexual identity, if at all, is even more elusive, in the absence of accounts by femme participants in this scene.

The possibility that femme identities may not have been clearly identified as lesbian identity model is also suggested by Elizabeth’s account of roles in her suburban social circle. Unlike the majority of women socialising in private friendship networks in the mid-century, who describe their roles and appearance as conforming to mainstream ideals of respectable femininity, Elizabeth recalled her private house party scene in the late 1960s as organised around a restrictive form of gender role-playing. [...] Despite her partner’s expectation that she adopt a feminine appearance, however, Elizabeth does not appear to have developed a clearly defined femme identity. Explaining the relationship between their respective roles, Elizabeth was unsure of the term for a feminine partner, commenting:

“You were a butch lesbian or you were a, whatever, I don’t know what you call it, but anyway, you were one or the other and that’s how it worked and I thought that makes sense.”[45]

Elizabeth’s ambivalence toward her femme identity was also apparently reflected by those around her, as she recalled attracting criticism of her appearance from a woman at a party. The woman commented that Elizabeth shouldn’t ‘think you can fool us wearing that dress’, suggesting that she regarded the adoption of a feminine appearance as an attempt to hide a lesbian identity. This account suggests that feminine lesbians may have been viewed with distrust in some Sydney lesbian circles, and perhaps not regarded as having an important or valued role in that community.

Other accounts, however, suggest that both butch and femme identities were consciously adopted by some women as an indication of membership in a lesbian community. Laurie had been introduced to the butch/femme scene when she moved from Perth to Sydney in the 1960s and she she and her girlfriend Helene adopted butch and femme identities respectively. [...] After introducing them to butch/femme fashion, June and her girlfriend Karen took Laurie and Helen to their local bar and the new arrivals soon became regulars. Descriptions such as Laurie’s are reminiscent of postwar butch/femme lesbians in the US and UK, where the commercial bar scene fostered a highly nuanced subculture based around butch/femme role-playing, and new entrants to the community were expected to adopt either a butch or femme style and behaviour. This was often a highly conscious process in which new members chose an identity and experienced a rite of passage in which they adapted their image to fit the new identity. For Laurie, the decision to become a butch was taken by her new butch friend, June, on the basis that Laurie was a better pool player than Helene. [...]

Personal narrative such as Laurie’s suggest that, while a number of lesbian identity models in the 1960s were characterised by an emphasis on secrecy and discretion, others, such as butch/femme, were highly visible and confrontational. Butch/femme lesbians, like Laurie and Helen, forged their identities in social spaces which they shared with prostitutes, gay men and drag queens and as a result they understood their lesbianism within a broad, cross-gendered community of sexual minorities. Similarly, the shared nature of the camp social scene in the 1960s, meant that many more discreet lesbians in this period also defined their identity alongside gay men, in terms of a shared attempt to evade detection by mainstream society.

However, despite the presence of consciously butch women on the commercial lesbian scene in the 1960s, butch/femme did not represent a pervasive subculture in the Sydney camp bar scene in the manner described by historians of US lesbian subcultures. Oral history accounts suggest instead that butch lesbians coexisted with women of more conventional appearance, often sharing the same social spaces. This reflects the situation in Melbourne in the same period, where Lucy Chesser has found that:

“while there were sizeable lesbian social groups which organised around role playing in Melbourne in this period alternative models of lesbian relationship were often avialable to women from working class backgrounds ... In addition, butch/femme role playing appears to have deceased in importance as the 1960s progressed.”[48]

In Sydney, other lesbians who socialised both within and outside of the bar scene in the 1960s do not recall the early scene as a butch/femme culture and did not themselves adopt either a butch or femme identity. Virginia did not recall a butch/femme scene at Chez Ivy and the Purple Onion in the early 1960s, although she conceded that ‘some of them probably were pretty butch’, while Carolyn described Chez Ivy’s lesbian clientele as a relatively diverse culture group.[49] The fluidity of lesbian dress and identity on the commercial camp scene in Sydney in the 1960s reflects the predominance of small, private networks in the preceding decades and indicates the absence of a long-standing and developed subculture in the bars of this period.

Moreover, the ways in which women made use of the new pubic spaces becoming available to them continued to be shaped by private networks and patterns of socialising. Both the bar scene and the camp social groups in the 1960s were relatively secretive and enclosed, making it difficult for outsiders or the authorities to identify them. In the absence of any homosexual press, bars and clubs did not advertise and only a few individuals were lucky enough to stumble across them by accident. The mainstream press could occasionally give a hint but most women were introduced to the camp scene by friends from elsewhere.[50] Virginia first visited camp bars with friends from a North Shore ballroom dancing club she belonged to, and Karen began socialising with lesbians she met at a hockey club in the late 1960s. Carolyn and her girlfriend were first introduced to Chez Ivy by a lesbian couple they met by chance on holiday in the Central Coast.[51] The enclosed nature of the scene in this period also lent a secretive atmosphere to socialising, which some women remembered as exciting. [...] Lucy Chesser argues that the sense of belonging to a secretive lesbian subculture in this period played an important role in affirming women’s lesbian identities and giving women a sense of pride in escaping detection.[53]

Friendship circles continued to be important, not only introducing women to venues, but in the ways in which individual lesbians made use of the spaces available to them. Unlike the pattern of socialising in London’s lesbian venues in the 1960s, where each bar or club possessed it own community of regular clientele with specific behavioural codes and identities, venues seem to have played a less important role in shaping identity on the Sydney scene. Women moved more freely from one venue to another, but as groups rather than individuals. [...] In this sense, the commercial camp scene which emerged for lesbians in the 1960s reflected earlier patterns of socialising in the city. Women continued to structure their social networks around small, private circles of friends and simply extended the location of their social activities as new spaces became available to them. Sydney’s lesbian socialising in the 1960s was defined by one’s circle of friends, rather than a regular haunt, and as a result women moved easily between the social spaces available to them.

[userirvingb]

Can we talk about how beautiful and incredible it is that Dan Levy gets to live out his dreams and share these honest, genuine stories? These promos look like they’re having a BLAST, Noah and Dan both. I’m just so proud and happy for them and now I’m just gonna cry a bit 😭

YES YES WE CAN

he’s doing for us what so many of us wished we could’ve seen when we were young, baby gays either struggling with being queer or trying to figure out if we are queer but there’s nothing for us to go off of

Dan’s only 6 years older than me but i remember being closeted and not even REALIZING i was a lesbian for 25 years, 5 or so years less than Patrick but god. GOD, if Patrick had shown up as a character when i was 16 or 17? i would’ve figured myself out a lot sooner. but unfortunately, i had to wait until i was 30 to see a character i so strongly resonated with in terms of his questioning and discovery of his sexuality

Dan could’ve written any story, tbh. he’s not the first openly gay creator, there have been several before him, but i don’t recall any of them have done what he did– which was to bring forth a positive message of acceptance and love and kindness and a gentler, softer world where coming out to our parents wasn’t a fear of being disowned/physically attacked/forced into treatment but rather a fear of uncertainty and change. correct me if i’m wrong, but all the big-name showrunners that are gay have done all the things that Dan candidly said he hated seeing on tv, from queerbaiting, to burying gays, to coming out as a lesson to be learned through violence and pain, to using homophobia/bigotry as a plot device etc etc 😔

i love that he gave the rest of us queer creators hope, that we actually are allowed to tell feel-good, non-violent stories about ourselves and the people in our community and for it to be well recieved; that we should be allowed the same courtesy to kiss and be intimate as often as we please onscreen much like our straight counterparts; that we deserve a lavish, happy ending where the show revolves around us and not the straight characters because we simply don’t see enough of the lgbt+ community celebrated

i know being an ally these days is the bare minimum, with the bar set underground, but Dan really chose the best partner/tv husband with Noah. obviously, Dan must’ve observed their onscreen chemistry with a microscope but Noah passed the test with such ease that it doesn’t even surprise me that he’d be so vocal about Patrick and thoroughly understands Patrick’s character down to the core. it’s not often i see straight actors immerse themselves within a queer character so well not purely as a ploy to get an Oscar/award. as much credit as i want to give to Dan for creating Patrick in the first place, it’s Noah who brought him to life. i honestly can’t think of anyone better suited to be Dan’s partner after SC lmao Noah’s ruined it for all the other actors out there

lastly… the EW shoot. hmm. oof. um. i don’t know how to phrase this properly because i’ve been trying to organize my thoughts since the spread dropped and i still can’t words properly. but to have a healthy, loving mlm couple from a Canadian show be the centerfold of Entertainment Weekly featured in the same way so many iconic (straight) sitcom romantic couples means more to me than i can possibly say. people can’t stop talking about them, people are invested in their love story like they were when Ben and Leslie got married, or when Jim and Pam finally got together. times are slowly changing but Dan really sped up the process for us with his show and god i’m so proud of him for achieving his dreams and casting every minute of attention put on him by directing it towards positive representation and overall good storytelling

[auditionsuggestions]

Audition songs for Women “Of a Certain Age”

This one is specifically for the ladies who are no longer ingenues (or who never really were and are finally growing into their character type...more or less the 40+ crowd)! Not all of these are solos, but I’m fairly certain all can be cut to be a good 16 or 32 bars.

List is under the cut for length

Golden Age:

“The Words” from Anne of Green Gables (1965 Charlottetown Festival)

“June is Bustin’ Out All Over” from Carousel

“You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel

“Do You Love Me” from Fiddler on the Roof

“Sunrise Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof

“Who Taught Her Everything She Knows” from Funny Girl

“If A Girl Isn’t Pretty” from Funny Girl

“Adelaide’s Lament” form Guys and Dolls (overdone, but not so much so that I’d completely discourage its use)

“Everything’s Coming up Roses” from Gypsy

“Rose’s Turn” from Gypsy

“You Gotta Get a Gimmick” from Gypsy

“Before the Parade Passes By” from Hello Dolly

“World Take Me Back” from Hello Dolly

“I Hate Men” from Kiss Me Kate

“So In Love” from Kiss Me Kate

“Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” from Pal Joey

“Somehow I Never Could Believe” from Street Scene

Late 60s through 1980

“Compliments” from 1776

“Little Girls” from Annie

“So What?” from Cabaret

“What Would You Do?” from Cabaret

“The Ladies Who Lunch” from Company

“Could I Leave You” from Follies

“Losing My Mind” from Follies

“One More Kiss” from Follies (This can also be done by a young soprano as it’s a duet between an older performer and her younger self in the show)

“Say A Little Prayer” from Gigi (the time period’s correct, but is more of a 2015 revival thing than from the original production)

“Thank Heaven for Little Girls” from Gigi (This was a man’s song in the original, but the 2015 revival changed it to being a woman’s)

“Liaisons” from A Little Night Music (for a MUCH older actress)

“Send in the Clowns” from A Little Night Music (a bit overdone from my understanding, so if you’re gonna do it, knock the acting out of the park)

“By the Sea” from Sweeney Todd

“Worst Pies in London“ from Sweeney Todd

1980s through 2000

“Patterns” from Baby

“Tale as Old as Time” from Beauty and the Beast

“I Remember How Those Boys Could Dance” from Carrie the Musical

“When There’s No One” from Carrie the Musical

“Memory” from Cats is NOT going on this list cause it’s wayyyyy too overdone (don’t sing it is what I’m saying)

“Some One Else’s Story” from Chess (Sorry belt-y teens, Svetlana should be older)

“Ain’t it Good” from Children of Eden

“Children Will Listen” from Into the Woods

“The Last Midnight” from Into the Woods

“Stay with Me” from Into the Woods

“Perfectly Nice” from Jane Eyre (yes, it was on Broadway in 2000, but it was written in the 90s)

“A Slip of A Girl” from Jane Eyre

“And the Moon Grows Dimmer” from Kiss of the Spider Woman

“I Do Miracles” from Kiss of the Spider Woman

“Mamma Mia” from Mamma Mia

“Like it Was” from Merrily We Roll Along

“The Garden Path to Hell” from The Mystery of Edwin Drood

“Puffer’s Confession” from The Mystery of Edwin Drood

“My Husband Makes Movies” from Nine

“I Just Wanna Be A Star” from Nunsense

“A Word from Reverend Mother” from Nunsense

“Mama Will Provide” from Once On This Island (While versions of the show exist that don’t focus on race, the show is set in the Caribbean--specifically on Hispaniola)

“Ti Moune” from Once on This Island

“Back to Before” from Ragtime

“The Stuff” from Reefer Madness

“I Hate Musicals” from Ruthless

“Teaching Third Grade” from Ruthless

“Just One Step” from Songs for A New World

“Stars and the Moon” from Songs for A New World

“Children and Art” from Sunday in the Park with George

“As If We Never Said Goodbye” from Sunset Boulevard

2000 through the Present

“5 to 9″ from 9 to 5

“My Favorite Moment of the Bee” from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

“Lucky” from A Little Princess

“Just Around the Corner” from The Addams Family

“Close the Door” from Anastasia

“Land of Yesterday” from Anastasia

“Omar Sharif” from The Band’s Visit (This is pushing it a little--Dina is like late 30s-ish iirc)

“Everything Happens” from Bandstand

“Always Better” from Bridges of Madison County

“I Hate the Bus” from Caroline or Change (another one where the character’s race should really be considered before you choose to use this piece)

“I’m Here” from The Color Purple (another great piece for a black actress)

“Me and the Sky” from Come From Away

“As We Stumble Along” from The Drowsy Chaperone

“Days and Days” from Fun Home

“The Cake I Had” from Grey Gardens

“Will You” from Grey Gardens

“I Know Where I’ve Been” from Hairspray (you really shouldn’t use this for an audition if you’re white...or even white-passing--I say this as a white-passing POC)

“Miss Baltimore Crabs” from Hairspray

“Always Starting Over” from If/Then

“Enough” from In the Heights (You guys are smart, don’t make me say the thing about racial sensitivity again)

“Paciencia y Fe” from In the Heights

“Forgiven” from Jagged Little Pill

“Smiling” from Jagged Little Pill

“Uninvited” from Jagged Little Pill

“Ireland” from Legally Blonde

“Ireland (Reprise)” from Legally Blonde

“Beautiful Boy” from Lestat

“The Beauty Is (Reprise)” from Light in the Piazza

“Dividing Day” from Light in the Piazza

“Fable” from Light in the Piazza

“I Want the Good Times Back” from The Little Mermaid

“Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid (putting this in this section because this is when the stage show was created)

“Poor Unfortunate Souls (Reprise)” from The Little Mermaid

“Days of Plenty” from Little Women

“Here Alone” from Little Women

“Feed the Birds” from Mary Poppins

“Brimstone and Treacle” form Mary Poppins

“What’s Wrong With Me (Reprise)” from Mean Girls

“That’s Rich” from Newsies

“I Miss the Mountains” from Next to Normal

“There is Music in You” R+H’s Cinderella

“Haven’t Got a Prayer” from Sister Act

“My Most Beautiful Day” from Tuck Everlasting

“A Privilege to Pee” from Urinetown

“An Old Fashioned Lesbian Love Story” from The Wild Party (Lippa)

[queercapwriting]

Hey Cap! I don't think I ever told you but my gf and I (still blows my mind) have been dating for almost 11 months but she still hasn't told her parents because she's afraid of how her dad will react. I was wondering if you could maybe write a thing about Lena going to one of the superfriends and talking about how she can't tell her mother about Kara.

She brought a bottleof wine and her worst insecurities, and the vague hope that Alex wouldn’t hate herin a few hours.

Lena was alwaysworried – that she was one social misstep away from the people closest to herrealizing that they actually hated her, that there was nothing about her tolove.

Especially when sheasked for things. Anything, really. She was supposed to give and work hard andgive even more and work even harder. She wasn’t supposed to take.

But she was asking totake tonight, because all she’d texted Alex was “can we talk?” and as afollow-up – so she wouldn’t make up something benign, backing out of theconversation she really needed to have – she wrote, quick and hasty anddesperate – “it’s about Kara and my relationship, and my mother.”

Her mother.

If anyone in theircircle of friends understood, it would be Alex.

She didn’t know howshe’d wound up in a group of friends with mothers who were all either absent ordead, or – in her and Alex’s case – very much alive and very much thinking theyloved their daughters well, but in reality coming up short – very short – oh somany times, in oh so many ways.

But maybe it wasprecisely that – daddy issues, mommy issues, general parent and trauma andabuse issues – that brought them all together, that made them recognize eachother, really see each other whereother people couldn’t, or didn’t, or chose not to.

Which was why she wasknocking on Alex’s door, shaking hands and bottle of wine and Kara’s oldNational City University sweatshirt hugging her just right, just comfortingenough to give her the courage to not knock and run.

Alex tugged the dooropen with a lopsided grin and groaned in a way that Lena could never determinewhether Kara got it from her or she got it from Kara when they saw food ordrinks they loved.

“Oh my god you are the greatest person,” Alexsaid, taking Lena’s hand in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other andpulling her sister’s girlfriend inside.

Lena marveled at thetouch, the casual intimacy it implied. She knew that Alex knew by now that Lenawelcomed her touch, her hugs and her hand grasps and her hand on her arm, herknee, when they laughed together at Game Night, at the bar. But still, Lenamarveled at it every time.

The touch and theacceptance and the no strings attached.

“So talk to me,” Alexsaid, without preamble, as she opened the bottle of wine with a crisp pop.

“Um,” Lena gulped,drumming her fingers on Alex’s spotless counter top. “No Maggie tonight?”

“Working late.” Aghost of a grin passed over Alex’s lips as she poured a generous glass forLena. “And then she and James, Winn, and Kelly are grabbing a drink. Brainy andNia are probably going to join them, and then you know, it’ll be up to me tomanage all the hangovers.”

Lena grinned,remembering the last time they’d all gone out. Another night marked withmarveling of being accepted, being welcome, being… herself. Kara’s arm casuallydraped around her shoulders, or holding her from behind, or grasping her hand, gentleand perfect and right. And no oneminding, no one thinking anything of it except being happy for them, beinghappy that they finally admitted how they felt, that they finally kissed, forcrying out loud.

“So?” Alex repeated, tothe point but open. “Kara and your relationship and your mother.”

Lena’s eyes widenedslightly at the direct invitation – she should expect nothing less from thedirector of the DEO – and took a gulp of her wine.

“I don’t know how totell her,” Lena admitted, plunking down on the couch in a way that no oneoutside of this family she was growing would associate with the refinedbusiness woman-science genius Lena Luthor.

Alex sipped her wineand tilted her head, and Lena smiled slightly. She wondered what mannerisms shewas picking up from Kara, like Alex was picking up mannerisms from Maggie.

“How to tell…”

It was a gentle prompt– nothing Lena had been used to or understood until she fell into this family –and it unnerved her as much as it made her feel cared for.

“How to tell mymother. About Kara and me.”

Alex nodded, slow andunderstanding. Lena stared into her glass, worried that her face was turningred, worried that Alex would tell her she was being ridiculous, that she was agrown woman, that she and Kara had been together for almost a year and it was immatureand stupid and hurtful that she hadn’t figured out how to tell Lillian yet…

“Because Kara’s aSuper or because Kara is Supergirl?”

Lena chuckled at thepun, at Alex’s gentle way of asking if Lena was out to her mother.

She tossed her handsup, nearly sloshing her wine, and shrugged. “I don’t know. Both? She knows, shemust know, about me and Sam, and me and…” Lena’s eyes sparkled mischievously,just for a moment, a brief moment of bemusement in her pain and anxiety. “Well,me and just about every woman I was close with in boarding school…”

Alex raised her glasswith a grin, and Lena clinked them together with a shake of her head. “But thenagain, I didn’t tell her about Jack, either. I never told her who I was dating.I assume she knows, of course. That I’mbisexual, that I lean more towards women, that… I assume she knows. But we’venever discussed it, because we’ve never discussed my personal life beyond myapparently endless list of failures…”

She glanced up atAlex, then, not wanting to pry. Not wanting to make her talk about Eliza if shedidn’t want to. But she watched Alex’s eyes, and knew that Alex knew why Lenahad chosen her to talk to. And instead of calling her selfish, instead ofhating her for it, Lena marveled – again, again – as Alex just shifted to getmore comfortable on her part of the couch, settling in, leaning towards Lenainstead of away. Lena searched, hard, for signs of discomfort or annoyance. Shefound none.

It confused her, andit made her feel like she was flying, safe in Kara’s arms.

Alex sipped at herwine, long and thoughtful. “When I came out to my mom, I don’t think she wassurprised. I think she was… I don’t know, sad that I’d felt like I couldn’ttell her. I told her I didn’t want to disappoint her, and she… it was hard.”Alex downed more wine. “She hugged me, and she told me she loves me, and itfelt amazing. But it also was frustrating, because of course I felt like she’dbe disappointed. She’s been disappointed in me for most of my life, you know? Iwas never good enough, never took good enough care of Kara, or… of course Ithought she’d be upset, but she acted so sad and confused that I would thinkthat of her. And that was hard, because it was just… infuriating somehow, I don’tknow.”

Lena nodded. “Iunderstand that. I do.”

Alex smiled sadly. “Iknow you do. So. How much of it do you think it’s because she’s a Super and howmuch of it do you think is because she’s a woman?”

It was Lena’s turn tosmile. “Who knows? 50-50, 70-30? Sometimes it feels 100% like one or the other…but another part of me thinks, does she even deserve to know? About my personallife, about my loves and my wants? Has she earned those parts of me? Especiallywhen she might turn around that trust and hurt me with it?”

Alex nodded. “And yetall we want, still, is for them to tell us they love us and are proud of us.”

Lena let a tear, justa single one, drop from unblinking eyes.

Alex leaned over andsqueezed her hand. Lena squeezed right back.

“She doesn’t deservethe power to hurt you like she’s hurt you. But she’s got it, and it’s okay totake your time deciding what you want her to know. Because even if she doesn’tdeserve those parts of you, if you want to share with her, you should beallowed to do that. And know that we’ll all be here for you, whatever herreaction.”

Lena sniffledslightly. “You sound like your sister.”

“Good, I’m glad you’retalking to Kara about it, too.”

“I’m just scared thatit hurts her. Talking about it. I don’t want her to feel like I’m ashamed ofher, or like I’m hiding her.”

“But Lillian isterrifying and has also tried to kill Kara several times, so. Your hesitationis more than understandable.”

“Also what Kara says,”Lena chuckled. “She says she’ll wait as long as I need, and in the meantime wehave our own family, but I still worry. That she’s protecting me from her hurt.”

Alex nodded, chewingat the inside of her cheek. “And if she is, then it’s her job to tell you that.You’ve got to take care of each other, and that includes telling each other allof it, good, bad, and indifferent.”

“When did you becomethe sage old lesbian?” Lena narrowed her eyes, but the corners of her lips gaveher away.

Alex laughed. “Maggiehas an odd effect on me.”

“It suits you.”

“And Kara suits you.It’s no one’s decision but yours, Lena, but whatever it is, we’re all here. Ipromise. Okay?”

Lena smiled, becauseokay. Yes. She did believe it. Maybe for the first time ever.

[migleefulmoments]

Reality Check on TSG and Darren: Dissecting the Lies the ccers repeat.

The obsession with Mia and TSG returned as soon as Elsie was over- just as predicted. I find it so odd that a handful of women with NO intention of ever stepping foot in TSG have such an obsession with keeping tabs on negative Yelp reviews. How often they must check Yelp in order to catch every one.  hot of the press so they can blast it and rage over the problems. But even more curious is that they never actually vet the reviewers themselves for their validity. Several of the negative reviews the fandom delighted over were clearly written by people who have never been to the bar and were influenced by Abby’s theories including the one who complained about the vaginas dripping on the bar and the one who complained about Open Dyke Night and then admitted she was underage and half a world away. 

Here is TSG overall score: 

With 118 review they are at 4.5 stars so these 1-star reviews are not the norm.  Most review look something like this 

or this

Now let’s look at this recent lot that Cassie decided to bring to ccers’ attention.  

cassie1022

(Well Megan, it depends on what night you were there. They close at 1 am on Tuesday and Wednesday).

(If the door people are turning people away an hour before closing, Mia needs to know and the Yelp review will be helpful  But since the vast majority of the 118 reviews are very positive, this clearly isn’t a problem that occurs often).   

(This is the one that gets Abby’s fired up about.  I have no clue it it is true or if it this policy is posted anywhere. I will give them this one because I can’t check anywhere.  20% does seem a bit high for a bartender tip since they aren’t waiting on a table...anyone?)  

(Melinda, Melinda Melinda...I’m going to guess that by her comment that she is not 21. She gave the place 1-star because the bartender carded her. Basically that is it. She gave them a horrible review and ranted because there were frumpy old lady tourists in the bar, she insulted the drink taste and the price even thought it sounds like she wasn’t served and the bartender thought she looked young. I’m sorry but this smells wrong. But even more telling is the comment “If I am willing to buy your mediocre $20 glasses of urine then you bet I am old enough”. Notice she never says she is 21, she simply spits that she is willing to pay the price for the horrible drink and that qualifies her.  

Check out her Yelp page- she went to LONO after TSG and complained about TSG on that LONO’s review.  “BEST BAR OF THE EVENING! I came here after fleeing the depressing depths of Tramp Stamp Granny's in search of refuge. The bartender with the long red beard was incredibly nice! He was kind, considerate, and extremely welcoming. The drinks were superbly delicious!!!!! Everyone should come here”  I get the vibe she didn’t get served at TSG (Keep reading, there is another hint about her age at the bottom of this section) 

Back home in NY she gave Trader Joe 1-Star claiming she found a worm in her smoked salmon. That seems suspect since the salmon was smoked. She gave her local ice cream place 1-star and this charming review “There was a long, black hair rolled up into my ice cream, the plate that my "sweet treat" was made on was covered in ice and the remnants of previous orders, and the employees appeared to be quite overworked.  When I want ice cream, I don't want an accompanying side of pity for the workers and disdain for the tedious, migraine-inducing procedure to make a mediocre ice cream. Also, the store was sweltering and I broke out into a beading sweat while waiting in the purgatory-like line.” The only places Melinda likes are a hot dog place and a pizza joint. The pizza joint got 5-stars “By far the best pizzeria ever; my existence would be trash without Emilio's. Oozy, gooey goodness that tastes like ambrosia regardless of the toppings. While the employees are lacking in the common customer service charm that we are force fed as a society, they have a higher level of pizza IQ than the rest of us average mortals. I guess that's what happens when you spend your days cultivating the food of the gods.”. But my favorite review of all is for 5-star review for her favorite hot dog place “Very delicious, savory hot dogs. The location is prime with it being directly behind the high school, however, the large line every single day can get a bit tedious. If only they would expand and open an extra window.” Now why would an adult care that it is located near the high school? It would seem that the person who calls the location “prime with it being directly behind the high school” but also notes that it the line is large every single day is a high school student.  Of course she could be a teacher who eats hot dogs everyday and is between the ages of 22 and 30 (any older and she would not be that upset that the bartender thought she looked young) but her comments reek of teenager.) 

(I have no clue what David’s issue is.  Is this a viable complaint to leave on Yelp? It sounds like David has a personal issue with the guy working the door.)  

Now the ccers chime in: 

ajw720  While all of these are bad, how are they getting away with unitemized bills that include gratuity with no policy plainly in site? I totally understand charging gratuity and have absolutely no issue with it, but it needs to be clearly stated, because if it is not, that is tricking customers into tipping twice. Disgusting.

Can we please separate d from this horrific establishment? Not only is it utterly misogynist and offensive in nature, with theme nights where the name is considered hate speech, it is repeatedly cited as poorly run.  First a 5% upcharge on ice and now we learn they charge gratuity automatically on bills of $80 or more without clearly stating the policy. That should be written on the bill handed to the customer.  Unacceptable.  

(Can we please separate d from this horrific establishment? No, Darren is married to the owner and considers himself an owner. What did he say the other day? “It’s my bar too because we are a unit” or something like that.  

Not only is it utterly misogynist: TSG is NOT misogynistic. You dont understand the word .

and offensive in nature: TSG is NOT “offensive in nature” to most grown adults. You can find it offensive but you do not get to dictate what the rest of the world finds offensive. Your attitude is no different from the Christians who claim they won’t serve LGBTQ customers because it is against their religious beliefs in that you are both putting your morals, values and beliefs on someone else and declaring that it is offensive to all of us. If you find it offensives then don’t give them your business. Period 

with theme nights where the name is considered hate speech: The theme-night names that you find so offensive and are labeling “hate speech”, are in fact words the LGBTQ is using to empower their community. “Open Dyke Night” was named- and is hosted by- a lesbian who uses the word to empower lesbians. These theme nights you find so offensive are NOT for you. They are nights for the LGBTQ community to come to a space that is safe and enjoy the company of others in the community just like them hence Open Dyke Night is for lesbian women to come together with other lesbian women and enjoy a night of singing and celebration. 

it is repeatedly cited as poorly run.. : It is NOT “repeatedly cited as poorly run” by anyone who isn't named Abby, Cassie, Leka, and Flowers. The bar has 4.5 stars overall and a lot of 5-star reviews. This is exactly what NadiaCreek was talking about when she said “You are denying a reality that is obvious and that gets more and more evidence with every passing day. You are tricking yourself into seeing patterns that are not there, by obsessing over small details and ignoring a mound of evidence for the opposite, true conclusion. That kind of thing can and will pour over into areas of your life that do matter. Denying reality in any area of the world is a dangerous game that can and will impact the rest of your life”. THIS is so important.  

First a 5% upcharge on ice and now we learn they charge gratuity automatically on bills of $80 or more without clearly stating the policy. That should be written on the bill handed to the customer: A 5% up-charge on ice was mentioned by one person. I wouldn't be referencing that based on one person’s random comment. The 20% gratuity is again only one person complaining so I wouldn’t sink my teeth in to this one until you know a lot more)  

klaineownsmysoul

When you have a “venue operator” masquerading as an owner who knows nothing about how a business should be run and obviously couldn’t care less, what do you expect?  They couldn’t be bothered fixing the air conditioning last summer and laughed it off as a joke.  Pretty sure at this point its obvious this wasn’t some sort of “life long dream” of hers to own a bar like they’ve pushed; more like a dream to have a place where she can drink for free and have her pic taken while people kiss her ass and call her wonderful.  There is not an ounce of D in that place.  His shoelaces have more integrity than this place.

(You have no clue what the business end of TSG is and comments like how she is “masquerading as owner” are so obtuse and stupid they defy logic. She is the owner and the bar is busy. But it doesn’t matter if it is failing and barely hanging on- it isn’t any of your business-that’ss between Mia, Darren and Danny and their landlord and vendors. It’s really sad and disgusting that you want Darren’s bar to fail. CCers want to be taken seriously -Abby constantly complains that the stans won’t listen to the various cc tropes -and yet you make nonsense statements like this...this is one big reason why you aren’t taken seriously. You WANT Mia to fail and you WANT TSG to go away but that is not the same thing as it actually failing or Mia being a clueless boss. In fact, her employees have said very nice complimentary things about her being a fabulous boss and they are far more credible evaluators than the cc fans who have never been to the bar and  simply believe Abby’s fantasy tropes about the bar and Mia failing. You have no idea if she cares or doesn’t care and again, it isn’t any of your business. It’s her business to drive into the ground or make it a roaring success. Darren’s fans don’t get a say in the matter other than to either be a customer and pay for drinks or don’t give them your business. 

Patrons continue to go to the bar and I have not seen complaints about the lack of A/C except on opening night.  It is just as much Darren’s bar as Mia’s- so you believe Darren didn’t care about the A/C and laughed it off as a joke? When? Or is it that A/C was out a few days over a year ago and you are still using that as fuel for your rage about a bar that you have nothing to do with? 

“Pretty sure at this point its obvious this wasn’t some sort of “life long dream” of hers to own a bar like they’ve pushed; more like a dream to have a place where she can drink for free and have her pic taken while people kiss her ass and call her wonderful” Again comments like these are why you aren’t taken seriously.  Mia owns the bar. Whether you like it or not, she owns the bar.  You simply don’t like that she isn’t the bar manager-she pays people to do that.  The owner is the one who hires and trains staff, makes decisions about the menu and what alcohol will be offered, writes the policies and procedures,   plans the calendar and makes payroll. She pays other people to run the bar day-to-day and that pisses you all off because you can’t see her at the bar and criticize every moment that is uploaded to social media. What she does is all behind the scenes and not Instagramable. But it doesn’t mean she isn’t working. There is a thing now called the internet and it makes doing a lot of the work of running a bar doable from a wide varsity of locals.  .  

Your comment that “there is not an ounce of D in that place” leaves me shaking my head. When you guys say things like this it just proves that you don’t know anything about Darren. You spend your time looking for Blaine and you're right- the bar has nothing to do with Blaine but it has Darren written all over it. The cc fandom spends all of their time and effort looking for the Darren they want to see and it’s a lot of work. You have to reject a lot of what you see and blame it on his team for making him be the bro’ dude that you can’t stand. You have to find videos and look at them frame by frame to find the moments you believe are the ‘real’ Darren aka the one you want to see. You have to cut out those precious few seconds, slow them down,  and  turn them into gifs and THERE...THERE IS the Darren you know and love.  But while you are doing all that work you are missing the real Darren. The one who is right there in front of your face but you don’t like because he isn’t Blaine. Darren’s footprint is all over the bar- from the elegant debauchery of the decor to the sexual puns on the signs and the drink names that IS Darren Criss. The piano at the center of the room-Darren’s piano- that he uses to connect with people through music and the fact that it is a piano bar that plays covers is all Darren. Mia plays very different music when she performs and yet the bar is literally based on what Darren does best- play the piano and sing covers while those around him join in. The place is ALL Darren-you just don’t like the real Darren.)        

flowersintheattic254

You know so many things were attempted to try to make M look like a career woman, with a viable business, shared interests with D and not a beard without taste or work ethic.

I think the bar will likely last as long as the fake marriage as M isn’t interested in it when D isn’t there to hang off and when you consider when it opened and how the encage went down.

M hung around bands when she was younger due to her fathers businesses. She likes being around famous, talented people. The bar gives her the opportunity and venue to continue her groupie inclinations.

I’m absolutely glad that D has been too busy recently to be there.

The most influence he may of had was with the whiskey choice.

(I don’t know why it’s so hard for you all to understand that Mia had several jobs and now she is owns a bar. The fact that you feel entitled to criticize her for her career decisions and make comments about her taste level is pure misogyny. Darren has also had lots of jobs and you don’t criticize him and the punny sex jokes are all Darren and yet you attribute them to Mia- that’s misogyny. Mia didn’t write Me and My Dick, Darren did, he loves the puns.   As for shared interests...he married her. Their shared interest is the family and the life they are building together.

How long the bar is open is yet to be determined but given that your record for predictions regarding Darren and Mia is abysmal, I’m not going to sweat it. The idea that Mia “hung out with bands” as a kid and the piano bar gives her the opportunity to hang out with famous people-I just can’t. She hangs out with far more “famous people” and musicians just going to events with her husband then she ever will at Darren’s piano bar. 

Her “groupie inclinations” WTF is a “groupie inclination”? I don’t even know what to say to that because I have no clue what a groupie inclination is. It’s really sad that you are so happy that Darren isn’t connecting to people though music since that means so much to him. He recently was asked if he had a need to be on stage and he said no, he has never had that need but what he does "NEED” is to connect to people though music and he also has said that playing the piano while people sing along gives him that connection.  I shouldn’t be surprised that you are gleeful that Darren hasn’t had time to spend at the bar he created in honor of his beloved Marie’s Crisis, your fan-girling over Darren has never been about Darren, it’s always been about you).  

leka-1998 Too bad you can’t actually call forgetting about that place most of the time and drinking the money they force people to spend a career. She’d be truly successful. It’s really her bar and D’s just the piano man, right? So if that could stop too, that would be nice.

(You really need to stop slandering Mia, she doesn’t drink anymore than Darren. You never call out Darren’s drinking but then again, it’s just your misogyny speaking-it always comes. The bar is Mia and Darren’s. When he says he’s just the piano man, he is just taking the attention from himself and giving it to her.  Darren does this a lot with people he cares about.  But he has been very clear that the bar is his and Mia’s. I know words are hard for you guys, you get so caught up in the meaning of the word that you fail to hear the message. Anyone paying even a little attention t Tramp Stamp Granny’s would realize that is Darren’s bar through and through. Someday maybe you can all stop looking for the Darren you like, stop obsessing about what this word means or that word, stop slowing down videos and clipping the out the 3 seconds you like  and instead  you can just listen to the Darren that is right there in front of you and HEAR what he has to say.  It will be revolutionary.  Listening to other people without assumptions is the very least you can do..literally it is the least).    

[jackawful]

Here's the thing: "butch and femme are lesbian-exclusive identities" is a claim that has to be backed up with like...reasoning and evidence if you're going to make it. The vast majority of the time, what's used to back it up is just straight-up wrong about bi women and the nature of our ties to, and participation in, lesbian culture. Often when I've seen this stuff I've been too upset to respond well to specific arguments, let alone compile them, but I have a little bit of distance and feel the need to put this all in one place. So here's a list of actual reasons people give for this assertion, what they imply about bi women, and why the prospect of people just accepting them bothers me:

Butch and femme are identities about performing gender specifically for other women and not men, which is an experience only lesbians have. The implication here - sometimes explicitly spelled out depending on who's writing it - is that bi women, as women attracted to multiple genders (usually) including men, automatically and inherently perform at least some of our gender expression for the benefit of men. This isn't true! Judging from both my own experience and that of a lot of bi women I've talked to, performing gender for men is usually something that happens due to internalized misogyny, and something we work to overcome if it's even something that effects us in the first place. Often, the goal isn't even to perform gender for other women - it's to perform it for ourselves, in a way that flags that we're queer and will hopefully attract other women. It's actually really disturbing and misogynistic to claim that women who are attracted to men inherently shape how they dress and act to please/appease men, cause that's a really unhealthy and damaging thing under patriarchy, even for straight women. This argument also ignores butch and femme lesbians who do their gender expression primarily for themselves, a sentiment I've seen in a lot of published writing on both identities.

Butch and femme were created by and for lesbians in lesbian bars during the 30s-60s, so bi women, who were not present, using the terms in the modern day would be ahistorical. Plenty of other people have made plenty of good, accurate points refuting and complicating this narrative of history: the use of the terms in ball culture, evidence of the words in Polari cant, the continuous use of fem(me) by gay and bi men into the modern day, the way the meanings of "lesbian" and "bisexual" gradually shifted into their modern usage through the 60s-80s, the participation of people we would now consider bisexual women in lesbian bar culture, etc, etc, etc. It's pretty clear to me that this is a flattened, simplified conception of a queer history that is actually very complex and hard to trace - if you want sources, I'll dig them up on request, but it may take a while. But one more thing bothers me about this argument: personally, as a butch/masc woman who specifically has trauma tied to being forced into the traditional housewife role, it would have been much, much more difficult for me to find men who would accept me as I am had I lived in the 30s - so difficult that, in that different cultural context, I may have identified as a 100%-attracted-only-to-women lesbian, especially since "bisexual" wasn't even a cultural concept at the time. And beyond that, I've been raised in a working class environment. I probably have more in common with the lesbians that went to lesbian bars than literally anyone middle class or above. Beyond that, even if this simplified historical narrative were 100% accurate, there is literally no reason these terms would have to remain the same in the modern day. Language changes.

Lesbians need a lesbian-only vocabulary/everyone's taking everything away from lesbians already/our culture is being destroyed by everyone just being considered "queer" and making this vocabulary lesbian-exclusive is the only way to stop this. I usually see this as a tacked-on addition to the two points above, but I have come across it on its own a few times, usually from T/ERFs or crypto-TE/RFs. And I think there's a reason I see this one more in radfemmy spaces: it's reactionary. It's drumming up fear that one's culture will be erased if anything ever changes about it, and a desire to return to an imagined ideal past where there were no culture-stealing invaders. And it's directed at other LGBT people, not like...straight cis people (you know, the ones that hold power in our society?). I worry that it's the first step into a lot of other nasty rhetoric, especially the "lesbian not queer" facet of it, which is something TER/F groups have often used to claim that The LGBTQ Community has betrayed the L by accepting the T (and less commonly, the B). Like, I know there's a subset of people out there who will plug their ears and immediately discount this if I say "this is TE/RF rhetoric" but...it is, and it's dangerous, especially because it's that rhetoric that exists where TERFiness and fascism overlap. And man, on a personal level? It sucks to be the target of that. It sucks to be painted as an invader and an enemy and a thief to a group that by all accounts should be where I can find my siblings. Bi women connecting with the history and culture behind identifying as butch/femme takes nothing away from lesbians, it doesn't dilute the terms, and in fact, it can only contribute to the survival of butch/femme culture because it means there are more self-identified butches and femmes in the world. So even if you're unconvinced by the rest of this post, I'd really prefer you Not with this.

And that's...actually pretty much all I've seen used to back this up, actually. If you have an argument that doesn't boil back down to one of these three, I'm open to hearing it. If "bi women can't be butch or femme" is a thing people are going to believe and spread, I want there to be discussion with some depth to it, and I want it to be respectful of what bi women actually feel and experience.

Also, a note: I've used "bi women" as a shorthand here, but this definitely all applies to other multisexual (pan, queer, etc) women.

Gonna tag some more public blogs who I think might be interested in this: @bisexualfemme @beautifullybutch @bilations @dykebisexual @lesbianthor @feminismandmedia

[woman-loving]

Would it be more accurate to say that early conceptions of woman-loving identity in the 1900s were (a) more transient, i.e. "this is what I am now" vs "this is what I am forever" and (b) more behavior + signifier based? i.e. less about "identity" as an intrinsic thing and more about sexual partner + presentation choice? This is sort of the gist I've gotten from reading your posts but I may also be extremely off base as well. I'd appreciate a check on my comprehension!

Just looking at “Freundin” identity in interwar Berlin and butch identity in the 40s-50s Buffalo bar scene, I wouldn’t say they were necessarily seen as transient. I think in both cases these were imagined as essential types, at least some of the time. For example, this post (link) references a writer citing the concept of “congenital homosexuality,” indicating a lifelong trait that’s present from birth, as the only context in which same-sex contact is acceptable. There’s also the quote from this post (link), which describes changing perceptions of these subjects:

Sophisticated discourses referring to love or eroticism between women used the terms Sapphismus, Tribadie, and lesbische Liebe, imported from Latin and Greek. These terms connoted a practice, preference, or taste rather than an identity. As sexological ideas spread, they gradually began to shape the perceptions of subjects in the direction of identifying essential types.

I think in the Buffalo butch/fem scene, butch identity also tended to be seen as naming a lifelong difference. Although, there were also cases were women would start out fem and later become butch, but I don’t remember how they interpreted their identity. But both among (at least some) butches here and homosexual women in Berlin, there seems to have been contempt for peers who also pursued sex or relationships with men, which I think suggests you weren’t supposed to just slip in and out of these identities, that they were supposed to be more permanent and holistic. 

I would probably say, though, that these identities were imagined to be expressed through (consistent and exclusive) same-sex behavior, which was in turn seen as qualifying one for lesbian identity–at least for butches like Arden (link), who saw any woman who “stayed” in the community as lesbian. (As opposed to Leslie, who saw lesbian identity as expressed through both exclusive same-sex behavior and masculine appearance/role.) 

I think one issue here is that not all women who pursued sex or relationships with women did so out of a sense of essential difference (“this is what I am”), or were perceived as being essentially different from average women. In particular, there seems to have been an asymmetry between butch and fem identities, where fems weren’t always perceived as non-straight or as lesbians. Boots of Leather also says this:

In the 1940s the terms used in the European-American community were “butch and fem,” a “butch and her girlfriend,” sometimes a “lesbian and her girlfriend.” […] Some people, not all, would use the term “gay girls” or “gay kids” to refer to either butch or fem, or both. […] In the African-American community “stud broad” and “stud and her lady” were common terms, although “butch” and “fem” were also used. Many used the phrase “my people” to indicate a partner.

It looks like sometimes the women who dated butches or studs weren’t referred to with specific identities at all, while other times they were seen as being part of a broader group, e.g. “gay girls.” The question might be whether the women who dated butches or studs always saw themselves as having a particular (permanent) identity, or whether they saw their behavior as temporary or otherwise not inconsistent with a sexuality that could include men. I suspect the answer was that those women had different perceptions of themselves, and some took on a stronger, more stable fem, gay, and/or lesbian identity, while others might not have. 

I think I’d probably say that, like today, there were a variety of ways of imagining identity or understanding what it meant to have sex or relationships with women, and boundaries were drawn around identities and communities in different ways, depending on who was speaking and what their goals were. 

I’m also reminded of this passage from “‘The Famous Lady Lovers:” African American Women and Same-Sex Desire from Reconstruction to World War II" (link), which discusses the language used by black women-loving women in 1920s-30s New York:

The oral history of Mabel Hampton, who socialized almost exclusively with queer women in 1920s and 30s New York, suggests that while various terms were used, many did not emerge until later decades. When Hampton was asked what she called lesbianism in the 1920s, she responded, “I didn’t call it anything but to say they liked women.”[87] At the same time, in her recollections she referred to all-women parties where “the bulldykers would come and bring their women with them.”[88] This suggests Hampton used the term “bulldyker” to refer specifically to masculine women, as was common at the time. However, vice reports from the 1920s also reveal feminine women who referred to themselves as “bulldaggers,” and performer Maud Russell claimed, “lesbians weren’t well accepted in show business, they were called bull dykers.” She recalled, “girls needed tenderness, so we had girl friendships, the famous lady lovers…I guess we were bisexual, is what you could call it today.”[89] “Lady lovers” was also used in the black press interchangeably with “women lovers,” and as this term was indigenous to the urban North in the early-twentieth century, in black as well as white circles, I use it whenever possible.

That alone seems to indicate diversity in how language was used and identities were imagined. Did these women conceptualize themselves using specific terminology or not? Did bulldyker connote masculinity or could it be used more broadly? Maud Russell’s recollections suggest that (at least some) women could pursue relationships with women without the expectation that they forgo relationships with men–at least that’s what I take from her description of them as bisexual. Even there, is she using the word “bisexual” to refer to an essential type (separate from gay or straight) or a behavioral description? Were all women “bisexual” or only some?

But I must stress that I am NOT well-read on these topics; this is just the impression I’ve gotten from reading a few books, some of which I read quite a while ago and others I wasn’t able to read in full. You could probably draw on other passages from these books or sources to make a different argument. And of course, other communities or other women who pursued sex or relationships with women on an individual basis in the early twentieth century might have displayed different trends.

[bi-and-happy]

i dare u to answer all the questions on the pride ask game ☺️☺️

Oh boy, here we go!

1. I am bisexual and I use she/her pronouns

2. I first realised I like girls when I was about ten years old, when I started secondary school. Because I also liked boys, I did some classic Repression^TM and convinced myself I was straight, which included a lot of internal homophobia, biphobia and bi erasure. It wasn’t until my second year of uni when I had my first boyfriend that I realised I was never going to have a good and healthy relationship with anyone, let along myself, if I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality and eventually come out

3. I am cisgender and I don’t look particularly androgynous so I have never been misgendered (except one time by a very embarrassed pizza delivery man)

4. The first person I told was my ex-boyfriend (see answer 2!) We had actually been broken up for about 8 months by that point but we were still friends at the time and he’s pansexual, so I knew he’d understand. He was annoyingly nonchalant about it and immediately made inappropriate comments but that actually worked out because we were in an airport so I couldn’t really have an emotional breakdown!

5. When I first came out (and then when I came out to my parents six months later) it was like I’d spent all this time and effort trying to hide this side of myself, and the effort of hiding just got too much. When I told my best friend (who’s a lesbian) it was super chill - I didn’t want it to be a massive deal so I found a time to slip it in, she was very excited that I’d finally told her (she’d known for about two years longer than I did!) and we immediately started talking about all the girls we had crushes on

6. I’ve kind of brushed on some people, but there were two main reactions: “That does not surprise me, I’ve suspected/known for a while” and “Wait? You like men?! I thought you were gay?” The only person who was surprised was my mum. She was very very quiet for a long time (although she gave me a hug so I knew she wasn’t mad) and let my dad do the talking (she did have some not-so-great things to say but it was nothing I hadn’t heard her say before so I had answers prepared). The next day, we had another chat, and she was a bit more positive then. It’s also worth mentioning that this is an ongoing process. I came out to them two and a half years ago now, and we’re still working some things out but we’re in the right direction!

7. Honestly this doesn’t come up very much, mostly because the vast majority of my friends are also bi, and I study performing arts so everyone’s at least a little bit queer. The question I get asked more often is how I can be an openly LGBT+ Christian (which is a whole other conversation which I would be happy to have if anyone is interested!)

8. Flannel. So much flannel. Also birkenstocks in the summer and combat boots (with rainbow laces) in the winter. I sometimes wear dresses (especially in autumn), and I do like pretty dresses/ballgowns when the occasion calls for it (which again, performing arts - sometimes I feel like I live in concert dresses). But my everyday look is fairly semi-butch. I’m working on my top butch energy

9. WHERE TO START. Okay, Jack/Bitty from Check Please; Jack/Ianto from Torchwood; Patsy/Delia from Call the Midwife; Callie/Aaron from the Fosters; Merlin/Arthur from Merlin; Lena/Kara from Supergirl; and my guilty pleasure, Harry/Cedric from Harry Potter (don’t judge me!!)

10. I very rarely leave the house without eyeliner and mascara on, but I rarely wear anything else unless it’s a special occasion. I’m generally of the opinion that if I can start the day with some killer eyeliner wings, you can make that day your bitch

11. Nope! Never experienced dysphoria

12. This isn’t the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but it is stupid because it was said by a gay men. “All these kids these days, in their LGBTQWXYZ community... [goes on to deliberately misgender people]”. Again, I have lots of thoughts on the dynamics of this which I will not unpack unless someone asks me to.

13. My friends!! I only have about two straight friends. I love all my friends, and I love my queer friends, and I love how we’re always there for each other and we always support each other. Even if everyone needs to stop dating within the friendship group.

14. See answer 12! The politics about different identities really annoy me. Non-binary people exist! Ace and aro people are part of the LGBT+ community! Bi and pan are different but overlapping identities and neither is better or worse than the other! So much infighting! Bi girls will not leave lesbians for a man! So much infighting.

15. I have never been and I’m out of town this year as well and I’m absolutely heartbroken!! I usually spend my summers working on various week-long projects around the country, and they always manage to bugger up any pride plans I had!

16. Ooooh absolute favourite? Probably Stephanie Beatriz. Followed by Kristen Stewart. And Tom Daley.

17. I had a boyfriend for a short time in my second year, we met at uni. Otherwise, I’ve been a single pringle!

18. I HAVE SO MANY. Absolute, complete, 100% favourite? The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. YOU ALL HAVE TO READ THIS OH MY GOODNESS. 

19. I’ve experienced more discrimination as a woman than as a member of the LGBT+ community! That being said, I was bullied in years 7-9 which included lots of calling me a lesbian, because children aren’t creative in their bullying and this was 2006. That definitely taught me to be ashamed of my feelings for girls.

20. Pride!! I love that film. Also Torchwood!

21. I’ll admit I don’t follow that many LGBT+ bloggers/vloggers... sorry!!

22. Queer!!! (And whether or not it should be defined primarily as a slur is also up for debate; again, I’ll expand if anyone wants me to.)

23. Yes yes yes! I have been to a grand total of three gay bars and loved all of them. Especially that last one. Because that was the one where I got drunk and snogged a girl which was great.

24. I’m a cisgender woman, and most of my thoughts about my gender link with my reading into feminist reading and my constant striving to become a better intersectional feminist!

25. I like the thought of having children. I do not like the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. For me, children is always something that comes as part of a relationship and probably marriage (spot the Christian upbringing!). I’m not definite either way; it’s a decision I would want to make with a future partner, as we created a family.

26. Bi people exist! You’re one of them! Stop hating yourself! Stop using your Christian upbringing as an excuse to ignore anything relating to your sexuality!

27. Gender roles are complete bullshit. Every couple is different, the strengths each member of the couple brings will be different, and it’s up to them to find their dynamic, regardless of how closely it resembles traditional gender roles.

28. Not really! Only that since coming out I’ve felt less pressure to be feminine

29. It’s bloody hard. Even if we’re loud and proud and yelling about it and having a good time, each and every one of us has been through shit to get here.

30. Because it’s who I am! I’m proud to be LGBT+ because it’s who I am, and it’s a community that has come so far and is still making incredible strives forward but is subjected to so much pain and yet we keep going. Much love to you all!

Wow, I’m exhausted after that. Feel free to ask any questions about anything I said there! I touched on a lot of stuff. Much love!! xxx

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 1x09 Bury Me with My Guns On

Wynonna Earp 1x07 Walkin’ After Midnight

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Oh, wow…

This definitely reminded me of this…

2) “She is also a distraction I cannot afford right now.” Too late, Doc, you’re officially distracted…

#swoon

3) This is exactly what happened and I cannot be convinced otherwise…

But in all seriousness, it’s quite interesting how Wynonna finds herself chasing any kind of feeling now that she’s done with the rage and revenge. The problem is, no matter how many revenants she puts down, she’s never going to get her family back and she’ll never get the forgiveness she so desperately craves. She needs to come to terms with these facts, and she needs to find a new purpose now.

I also find it interesting how she doesn’t find it hard to open up to Doc. For someone who’s quite closed-off and who puts up all these walls, she opens herself up rather quickly with the people she cares about.

4) Holy shit, she’s not messing around…

5) Oooh, this is gonna be like “When She Was Bad”, right?

6) Wynonna is going to be psychoanalyzed on the day she decides to go bad. This should be interesting.

7) Man, this girl is all tough and shit but she definitely wears her heart on her sleeve…

DOLLS: We need to be careful, alright? You're not even a real deputy, Earp, come on.

WYNONNA: No. I'm just the one with the big-ass gun who sends the fiends of Hell to their deaths.

DOLLS: Technically, it's not the gun that kills them, it's…

WYNONNA: Oh my God! You stupid government lackey, you left me in there with a bureaucratic sadist and I was alone and scared.

DOLLS: You're not alone, Earp.

WYNONNA: Or a murderer.

DOLLS: Okay.

WYNONNA: Just once, I want you to say it. That you care about me. Pussy.

It’s kind of refreshing to see this type of portrayal of women, you know? She’s hard as nails but she’s also not afraid to express her feelings and show her vulnerability to others, and that doesn’t make her any less of a badass. You can be both, what do you know?

And not only did Dolls not tell her that he cares about her, but he also took away her badge. Uncool.

8) Oh, that’s a big promise, Wynonna…

That’s like calling bad luck, is all I’m saying.

9) OMG…

She made this poor dude piss himself. Guess the Bad Girl thing is already backfiring.

10) She finally got her way…

11)

What is Drek, other than the witch’s baby/son? Is he a Revenant or is he something else altogether? I’m thinking he’s something else. And what does she mean when she says they “will be gods”? All I can think of is she wants to sing in the meadows…

12) “Lord, girl, you need to blow off that steam.” Please tell me he’s going to bang off the steam out of her. Pretty please?

13) SWEET LORD JEBUS, PRAYER WORKS!

14) So… the Sheriff dismissed Nicole’s report of what she had experienced herself by defining “Purgatory” as quirky. Riiiight. But then, he picked up her report from the trash. So, he’s either waking up and starting to believe there are supernatural forces at work here, or he is the Sheriff because he’s been in the know and assigned precisely to dismiss any type of supernatural claims – a la Snyder in BTVS. Either way, I think it will be an interesting turn of events.

15) They are having two completely different conversations, and I love it…

NICOLE: Um, can we talk?

WAVERLY: Yeah.Yeah. God, we're totally overdue.

NICOLE: I'm not I'm not crazy, right? There's something going on here.

WAVERLY: No. You're not crazy.

NICOLE: Okay.

WAVERLY: I'm not sure I'm ready to get into it.

NICOLE: Why?

WAVERLY: Because it's different for me, right? And it's really personal.

NICOLE: But it's personal for everybody, right? I mean, they must know. People must whisper about it.

WAVERLY: My God, I hope not! No, I kind of only just discovered it. When I met you.

NICOLE: Me?

WAVERLY: Yeah. You're kinda special.

NICOLE: Okay, maybe a little bit more open- minded, but it's not like I have some mystical gift  or something.

WAVERLY: No, I get it. You're a lesbian, not a unicorn, right?

NICOLE: What?

WAVERLY: What?

“You’re a lesbian, not a unicorn” is such an iconic line. Also, there’s no reason you can’t be both, what do you know?

16) I still don’t know what Bobo is looking for, but I guess that’s it for Drek and his brother...

I’m guessing the reason Drek burned to death is that the Stone Witch used one of his brother’s bones to build him up, right? And who was Drek’s father? I wonder if we’ll meet him…

But I keep coming back to this question – what is Bobo after? What is this “lead” the witch promised him?

17) *heart eyes* *fans self*

18) So Doc still wants to kill the witch, even though he now knows it will probably kill him, too. But Wynonna is having none of it…

Get it, boy? She doesn’t want you to die, she wants to keep you around.

19) Why didn’t Wynonna run after Doc? He couldn’t have run that far away in 5 seconds…

20) I really enjoyed the whole conversation between the Sheriff – Randy – and Dolls. I think Dolls is a bit arrogant and he underestimates how useful Randy could be. I also liked how Randy admitted that he figured out the real reason Dolls had set up shop in Purgatory a long time ago, but he’d chosen to turn a blind eye because it didn’t really affect him and he strikes me as the type of guy who just wants to do his job, go home and have a beer. But now his own deputies – and friends – are getting hurt because of all the weird shit that’s been going on in Purgatory, and he won’t have that. So he’s decided to get involved.

Now, I’m not saying that he’s not honest about his intentions, because I’ve totally bought his whole “let’s work together” spiel. But I’m not dismissing but my other theory just yet. There’s still that guy who was a judge or something who had the picture of the seven, so the Sheriff could still be playing lackey to the higher-ups.

21) Waverly just told Nicole that maybe they can be just friends, and I’m like…

22) I LOVE HER…

23) Um, no, I don’t like this!

What the hell is going on? Is this some “I’ll fight my own battles” macho bullshit? Because I expect better than that from Doc. Or is it simply because he doesn’t want her to interfere with him killing the witch?

24) Can… Bobo smell that Doc and Wynonna had sex? That’s so creepy.

25) It’s really smart how Doc put Bobo into a no-win situation. He had to either let Doc go with the Witch or show his minions he wasn’t a man of his word, which would probably turn into a revolt against him. So he obviously chose the lesser of two evils.

26) What does Bobo mean by “I have a very special surprise for you”? What the fuck is he going to do?

27) I really like how supportive Gus is of Waverly, encouraging her to live her own life like she wants and with whom she wants, but I still don’t understand why she would sell the bar? And I’m afraid Bobo’s going to be the new owner. Is that his surprise for Wynonna?

28) Well, considering one of his minions just showed up at Shorty’s asking for Wynonna, I’m guessing that’s going to be the case.

29) I don’t like this…

WYNONNA: Who won't you make a deal with, huh? First a witch, then the Devil himself. You're nothing like… You're just nothing.

DOC: You can judge me all you want. What do I care for some broken woman's evaluation of my character?

There’s so much subtext here is overwhelming. First, there’s Wynonna unfinished line “you’re nothing like...” I think she was going to say something along the lines of “you’re nothing like I thought you’d be.” But that would’ve shown vulnerability at a moment when she didn’t feel Doc deserved it. So she hits him where she knows it will hurt him most. And he pays her back in kind by calling her a “broken woman.” But we know he’s not indifferent to Wynonna’s judgment of his character. On the contrary, it affects him greatly. He’s just probably trying to convince himself otherwise.

30) How many times are they going to point guns at each other in one fucking episode?!

31) So we finally know something about the origin of the Earp curse…

WYNONNA: Tell me about the Earp Curse.

CLOOTIE: The details are hazy, as that was my demon husband. Revenge for the death of our boys. Direct and manly and, quite frankly, boring.

WYNONNA: Not the first word I'd use.

CLOOTIE: Us girls like to take vindictiveness to the next level, don't we, Wynonna? And I wanted my own revenge on Wyatt, so I went after what Wyatt loved most. His best friend.

DOC: You're a liar.

CLOOTIE: I threw it a few juicy morsels like "health" and "longevity," and you were mine.

DOC: You tricked me.

CLOOTIE: When Wyatt found you buried in a whore's muff instead of underground, when he learned of our deal, his heart broke in two. Then I threw you down a well, so that even if Wyatt softened, came looking for you…

DOC: Did he?

CLOOTIE: And you got to spend decades in the dark, knowing your best friend despised you. John Henry. This whole time, you thought it was personal, but it's always been about the alpha dog.

DOC: You shut your lyin' mouth.

CLOOTIE: You're a good sidekick, dear "Doc," but you'll never be a hero. A perpetual second choice. But in the end, everyone chooses the lawman. Everyone.

So the Earp curse and Doc’s curse were two sides of the same coin, one cast by the witch’s husband and the other by the witch herself.

What I find the most interesting, though, is the fact that Doc was Wyatt’s Achilles heel. What did she mean when she said that Doc was what Wyatt loved most? I can’t help but feel gay undertones in that. I mean, why else would Wyatt be so hurt to find Doc buried in a “whore’s muff”? Were they ever romantically involved? I’m going with this theory and I love it.

Also, why did she look pointedly at Wynonna when she said that “in the end, everyone chooses the lawman”? Does this mean Wynonna will choose Dolls over Doc at some point? Because I don’t want that!

32) I love how Wynonna used their previous conversation to talk Doc out of killing the witch right then and there.

33) OMG they’re going to bury her in salt flats!

34) Yes!

WAVERLY: I've always wanted to do things that scared me. But, well, it's not so easy to be brazen when the thing that you want, that scares you to death, is sitting right in front of you. NICOLE: I scare you? WAVERLY:  Yes. Yes, you do. Because I don't wanna be friends. When I think about what I wanna do most in this world it's you. Oh God, that sounded so much more romantic in my head. Just jump in any time, Nicole, because I really, really don't know how to do this. NICOLE: Oh, sure you do. WAVERLY: Maybe I should just stop talking. NICOLE: See, you're getting better at this already. WAVERLY: Maybe you should stop talking too. NICOLE: Maybe you should make me.

I knew they would become a thing, but I really wasn’t expecting to feel so much for them? They’re super sweet together but also super hot, and I definitely got all tingly inside watching them.

35) So… we still don’t know what “the lead” is. We know what it is for, but we don’t what – or who? – it is. But I fear what Bobo might be able to do if he can break himself from the triangle and from Wynonna’s curse…

I really don’t know why they didn’t bury her completely. Oh, wait, is it because if they did, she would die and therefore Doc would die? Yes, that’s probably it.

36) Wynonna basically just asked Doc on a date, and I’m here for it.

37) So, Dolls faked a report of Wynonna passing the deputy exam or something.

38) Called it!

39) I guess that whole “no one’s ever taking anything from us again” thing instantly backfired, huh? What a packed episode, and there are only a few left in the season! I can’t wait where this all leads up to!

40) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!