#then when he went to rehearsal i went out and got some skincare

[shibe]

today was a good day :)

[yourkimjaejin]

Dizzying Thoughts

In Osaka

“Unnie-yah, You ate right? I didn’t see you grab anything.” Juno sat down with her full plate in catering. The younger barely missed the leader's wince. Moxy’s face snapped back into a neutral position when Juno looked up. 

“Yeah I had some food earlier.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Madrid

“Migyeong-ah, I didn’t see you eat today. You’ve had something right?” Soonjae asked her charge while Moxy adjusted her mic.

“I ate a granola bar Unnie. You know how my stomach is before a show. I promise to eat after.” Before Soonjae could respond, The stage director started rehearsal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Paris

“What did you order last night, Gyeongie?” Hannah luckily was lounging on one of the beds in Moxy’s room while the aforementioned leader was finishing up her skincare in the bathroom. It’s lucky cause Hannah missed the flash of panic that racked thru older’s body while she thought of an answer. 

“Uhh…..I got a……burger?” 

“Really?” Hannah sat up, “I got one too but Kenji-oppa never mentioned getting you one too.” 

“He must have gotten mine earlier than you.” Moxy walked out the bathroom, praying her face didn’t betray her.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The members of AG and their tour crew were crowded around two long tables with piles of food lining each one. The group was celebrating ending the European leg of AG’s tour with a final show in London tonight. While her members and staff sat around talking jovially and devouring the food laid out for them, Moxy sat hunched over. Moving the food around on her plate, illuding that she was eating. But Moxy had been doing quite the opposite for a while now. 

See, our precious leader has an anxious stomach. Sometimes things get so severe that the sight of food nauseates her. Leading to the rapper going on stage with nothing for her body to feed off of for three hours of vigorous dancing and exhausting singing. Nervousness mostly affects her before big moments in her career. Her first stage of Limitless. The first time she sang You Don’t Know Me. Her first recording session for Something Like A Party. You get the point.

It was never something she couldn’t manage. Once her worries were disproven, she’d take the time to eat and everything would be right with the world. Noone would be none the wiser. The first time it got real bad was during 127’s tour, Neo City - The Origin. Moxy was so nervous. Anxious over how each crowd would receive her. Everytime the boys offered her food she shrugged it off, promising to eat later at the hotel. Then she’d there and a whole new batch of fearful thoughts crept into her brain, taking her appetite with them. 

This went on for a weeks. Regretfully, all of 127 were just starting to get along. So the boys weren’t tuned into Moxy behavior until it was too late. After the group's show in Phoenix, Moxy collapsed as soon as she made it backstage. Nobody had a clue what was wrong so Soonjae made the decision to call an ambulance. She was diagnosed with low blood sugar and was forced to spend the night for observation. The managers knew they had to get to Houston. They all could tell getting them to leave would be like pulling teeth so they rebooked flights. Migyeong got the scolding of her life from Johnny when she came to. She proceeded to get smothered within an inch of her life between the arms of Doyoung and Taeyong. 

127 had a serious talk about what Moxy had been going through after the next show. Jaehyun and Doyoung paired up on ways to help the rapper get past her nerves before they got on stage and it worked. As the tour went forward, with her members help, Moxy was able to stomach small meals and snacks before performing. Anytime another attack came, she knew her members would be right there to help even when Moxy had to fly back to Korea for AG’s debut.

Before AG left for their tour, Johnny talked to her about keeping up with meals. 

“I’m seriously Migyeong-ah. I do not want to hear about you fainting while I’m here and you’re across the country.” Moxy grabbed Johnny’s hand. She felt the same concerns but she was better now. 

“It won’t get to that point and if it does I’ll tell Hannah. You know she doesn’t play with any of our health.” Moxy continued to pack. She missed her oppa’s concerned gaze. 

Now almost a month later and it was worse. Moxy was lucky to fly under Hannah's radar while the second oldest fretted over Aurora and her healing burn. As she looked around at the others happily shoveling food into their mouths, it nauseated her even further. Moxy pushed her plate away, ready to escape the stuffy restaurant into the sweet silence of her hotel room. But her actions caught the attention of her dongsaeng. 

“Unnie have you even eaten anything? Your plate still looks full.” Juno stole a piece of the elders chicken. The leader had to fight off the look of disgust. Then the question registered in her brain. If Moxy was in an anime, that one sweat drop would be right next to her forehead. 

“Oh! That's just because….. I grabbed more food than I can handle. Don’t wanna be too bloated before tomorrow.” She rubbed her stomach to sell the lie. 

“Are you girls excited?” Soonjae interrupted, “The crowd last night was crazy. I swear they’re the loudest we’ve heard so far.” 

Hannah snorted, “Yeah lets hope we don’t get another crying session courtesy of Aurora.” Aurora reached out to smack Hannah’s shoulder but the elder ducked out of the way. “YAH! I told you that was because my nanan was in the crowd.” Happy to have the attention off of her, Moxy slumped down in her chair.. The nauseous feeling dulling down. Maybe once she gets to the hotel, she’d be up to eating something. 

Yeah, she could do that. Just make it to the hotel. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

That hotel meal didn’t happen. After dinner finished, Moxy had every intention of ordering something small but the girls were called to the venue to do some testing and last minute rehearsals. They didn’t finish until 3am. By that time, food was the furthest thing from the leader’s mind. She crashed as soon as her body hit the bed. 

Breakfast and lunch didn’t cross Moxy’s mind either. Even after a flawless show yesterday, Moxy woke up worried. She didn’t want to underperform especially when their fans had paid money to see them at their best. The leader went through the motions all day. Time passing in a daze of anxiety. She blinked and the group were being ushered to their places. During the entire opening, Moxy fought off several bouts of blurriness. The rapper was lucky her spots were drilled into her brain. She could find a formation blindfolded. 

Nobody questioned if something was wrong……at least until the dizzy spells started. 

Come on….not now… Moxy thought as another wave of dizziness washed over her after the girl group cover section. The results of her mistake had been growing and growing all night. Honestly, the stories of adrenaline doing crazy things to the human body was a fact to her now. Moxy had no idea how she made it through this much of the concert with passing out. 

She couldn’t wait until the show was over so she could finally eat. 

In the middle of the cordi noona’s helping her change for the next stage, Moxy felt her legs give out for a moment before she caught herself. The noona’s around her shared a look but Moxy waved them off. “Just lost my balance.” reassuring everyone

Come on girl……two sets then you’re home free. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Everything was moving in slow motion. Every step felt like it took minutes. Moxy barley felt the hands ripping clothes off and replacing them with the ones she needed for the encore. 

The noise around her turned into sludge. The rapper was incapable of distinguishing what anyone was saying around her. She didn’t even notice when her members surrounded her. 

“Noona?”

“Moxy..can…..you…..hear……”

“Is…..-thing…..on.” 

The world around her felt far away. Like she was floating into a dark abyss. The arena’s backstage a small box as she lifted off. 

Moxy didn’t even register when she hit the ground. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Her eyes opened to the concerned eyes of Soonjae. 

Moxy’s brain caught up before her body. The memories of the night coming like photos in her brain. Skipping meals. Feeling sluggish just as the concert started. The dark spots in her vision as she looked out at the thousands of fans. The dizziness giving way to exhaustion finally taking her out. Confusion, recognition then panic rattled through her. She sat up but another sudden wave of dizziness almost sent her back down. Soonjae tried to push her back but Moxy twisted away. 

The director ran in, “I don’t know how much longer we can stall.” 

Hannah’s eyes snapped over, anger blasing, “You better find time. Migyeong’s not awake yet but when she does there's no way she’s going on stage yet.”

“Actually look who's joined us.” At Soonjae’s voice, three faces snap to Moxy’s place on the couch. All wearing different expressions: one pissed, one of concern and another of relief. They crowded around the leader but instead of assuring them she was ok. Moxy went against Hannah’s words. 

“Yes….I am.” Moxy was finally able to say after the dizziness faded. She tried getting up but Hannah pinned her with a dark look. 

“Moxy you just passed out. No way are we performing the encore.” Hannah was ready to argue back but Moxy glared. 

“Good thing you're not the leader.” Four pairs of arms reached out as Moxy stood up, wobbling a bit in place but quickly steadying herself, “I was only out for a couple minutes. We’re going out there and finishing this show.” Everyone tried to object but Moxy just held her hand up. “I’ll take it easy but we are going out there and that’s final.” Nobody said anything. Well nobody had the courage to. 

Hannah, Juno and Aurora worried over the leader's condition but they all knew she wouldn’t change her mind. Slowly everyone resumed their tasks. Three women surrounded Moxy to fix her makeup and clothes. Practically erasing the past four minutes from reality. 

The girls ran to reenter the stage while the music started up for Our Time Is Here. Several mangers followed behind the eldest, making sure she made it to the stage safely. Before Moxy walked out, Soonjae grabbed her hand. 

“Answer me one thing? Have you been eating?” Moxy’s silence was answer enough. She couldn’t even look Soonjae in the eye. 

If looks could kill, Moxy wouldn’t be walking into a stadium full of cheers from the crowd. She’d be in for an earful when they got back to the hotel.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Moxy stayed back to get checked by the doctor while her other members left for the hotel. Maybe I won’t get chewed out tonight Moxy though as the car pulled into the hotel's parking lot. The dread built as she walked through the lobby to the elevators. The leader dragged her body down the hall, feet sliding on the carpeted floor. She swayed on her feet, fumbling with the key to unlock her door. 

She could feel the embrace of her bed close by but instead of a blissfully cold bed, there sat Hannah with a full bag of food and holding a phone, Moxy sighed knowing what she was in for.

“Oppa’s on the phone for you.” Hannah held the phone out for the leader to take.

“Taeyong-oppa?” She said, hopeful. 

“No…..Johnny-oppa.”

“Shit…” Hope’s shattered, Moxy plopped down on the chair across from Hannah. The dancer focused on taking out the food while Moxy braced herself for a pissed off Johnny.

“Yeobeoseyo?”

“........Thea Marie Thompson.” 

“Oppa before you start—” 

“Don’t even try it, Thea.” Moxy’s mouth snapped shut. She could feel Johnny's anger through the phone. 

“I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this. You promised me we would not repeat what happened during Regular promotions. You promised me you’d eat, Thea. But now not only am I getting calls from Soonjae but from Hannah about you passing out and still going back on stage.” Hearing Johnny’s retelling of what happened tonight made Moxy feel worse than she already did. Maybe things had gotten bad and she just didn’t want to acknowledge it. 

“I did and it wasn’t going that far. At least I didn’t think it was. I…I was only skipping food before the show. I tried to eat after..…but things got hectic. And that's on me. My nerves have been getting to me and I felt like I couldn’t stomach anything. So I kept going because I had to” Both sides of the line were quiet. “I’m sorry for not calling for help.”

“Tell me why I shouldn’t fly out to make sure you’re eating before every show.” 

“Hannah’s already got food sitting in front me.” Moxy looked out at the impressive spread Hannah was able to put together between the ending of the show and the car ride to the hotel. 

“You should have told Hannah beforehand.” 

“I thought I could handle it okay! I’m not some little kid Johnny. I’m a young adult who made a mistake and went past her limits” She heard Johnny sigh on the other end.

“You’re right…..You’re right you are an adult. But can you blame me for being concerned? Last time this happened, you landed in hospital with no one knowing what was wrong. I never want any of us to go through that again.” Moxy didn’t like to think about her last stretch of not eating. All of her memories revolved around the worried looks of the 127 members as they surrounded her hospital bed. 

“I’m sorry Johnny. I promise to keep a closer watch on my food intake.” 

“And I promise to help her.” Hannah chimed in, making Johnny and Moxy laugh. “Don’t worry oppa, we’ll get our leader back on track.” Hannah placed a container of food in front of Moxy and a fork. Before he hung up, Johnny told Hannah to take photo evidence of Moxy eating and send it to him. To ease his worries. 

Moxy finally dug into the delicious food Hannah had ordered. It’s not weird to cry over really good food, right?

“So what happens?” Hannah asked between bites. 

“What do you mean?” 

“When it feels like you can’t eat. What runs through your head.” Moxy blew a raspberry trying to think of how to answer that.

“I guess….I overthink about everything. The performance and my vocals. I want everything to be perfect for the fans. I don’t want to disappoint them. Those thoughts…..they run through my brain like a hamster wheel. I get overwhelmed then my stomach gets queasy. You know what happens next.” Moxy took another bite of her food. 

The members of 127 set up a code word to help Moxy through these anxious moments. Code: Underwater. Anytime her emotions took over, Moxy could text one of the members at any time. They in turn would help calm her down and get a couple bites of food down in Moxy’s system. The more she thought about it. The more the truth behind her regression became apparent. She was AG’s leader. Calling her older members for help with her anxiety felt like she was being a baby. Someone that wasn’t fit to lead a team, especially when they were away from home. 

“Now, you got me to help. And anytime you feel nervous like that I’ll remind you that you’re a beast and one of the best leaders around.” Hannah shook her shoulders, getting a smile on her face. 

Luckily, she has the greatest members on the planet. Who would never think less of her for having anxieties. 

“Even if you made a mistake you could never disappoint anyone. Not us and much less the fans, okay?” Moxy nodded. It would be difficult reaching out at first. But she never wanted to worry her members again. Not when it can be stopped beforehand. Taking Hannah’s words to heart, The oldest began to eat with earnest, savoring every bite. 

As they ate, Aurora and Juno joined them with their own food. The four of them crowded around the small table, sharing what they had between them. Moxy knew the younger two wanted to be close after she scared them today. 

The members decided to screw bedtime and just stay up. They scrolled through instagram, played music, danced and even caught up with some of the members. They all needed a night like this. After all, the tour just started. AG had a long way to go. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Next up for tour angst.....Hannah ~ Author Izzy

[taiyaki-translations]

Intelligence - Disclosure 8

Season: Spring Characters: Jun, Shu, Izumi, Kaoru, Yuzuru, Kanata, Mao, Nagisa, Kuro Translator: taiyaki-translations ENG Proofreader: verdantcrimson (Yuzuru, Kuro), sunnyskiestls (Kanata, Nagisa), raspberrytls (Shu)

<The next morning>

Jun: So you found out the identity of that Mendako alien…

Shu: —If you were planning on coming back in the morning, was there any need to worry about the state of your skin, Sena?

Izumi: It’s because you kicked me out. I didn’t get the chance to bring my skincare products with me.

I only came so late at night so we wouldn’t have to face each other. You should be thanking me.

Why am I being treated like I’m in the wrong? Sooo annoying!

Jun: Oh right, these two are in the middle of a fight, huh~ Honestly, I’d like you guys to make up quickly.

Shu: Hmph, I told you that I made a huge concession for Sena. I see no reason for me to apologize.

Izumi: Hah? In the first place, you were the one keeping the lights on even after it was supposed to be lights off—

Kaoru: Okay, okay, Senacchi, Itsuki-kun, that’s enough fighting. There are more important things to focus on at the moment, right?

Kanata: The identity of who was inside the “mendako costume” has become clear now…~

Nagisa: …Menmen ♪

Mao: Ooh… Do Mendako aliens make those “menmen” noises?

Nagisa: …So it seems.

Jun: You’re saying it like it's got nothing to do with you. Nagi-senpai, why were you going around wearing one of those costumes?

Nagisa: …It was part of our “Dramatica” activities.

Izumi: “Dramatica”? Wearing those ridiculous costumes and doing those strange activities night after night?

Nagisa: …In our next performance, we are supposed to play the role of aliens. In order to prepare ourselves for that, we’re pretending to be creatures other than humans, to gain some experience.

Kuro: Is that why ya went outta your way to choose mendako...?

Nagisa: …It is surprisingly effective. When I recommended it to the other members, Wataru-kun and Leo-kun decided to try experiencing it too.

Kaoru: Ah~... That’s why we saw multiple Mendako aliens around.

Izumi: That Leo-kun, I thought he just went off somewhere as soon as we returned to Japan together, but he’s involved in this?

Don’t go doing weird stuff like this in the dorms without permission. I wish you’d take after my example and try to keep Leo-kun under control?

Nagisa: ...But we did receive permission, from Keito-kun.

Izumi: Hah? Then how come Hasumi didn’t know anything about the Mendako aliens?

Kaoru: …Is it possible that Ran-kun only told Hasumi-kun that they were going to do circle activities in the middle of the night?

Nagisa: …Yes. I informed him that “Dramatica” needed to do some late night practices for our next performance.

Kaoru: Then it’s no wonder Hasumi-kun didn’t know anything about it. He probably thought you were just rehearsing normally.

Mao: Ah~ I see. If someone told you they were preparing for a role in a play, you wouldn’t expect them to be going around doing activities in costumes like that, right?

Kanata: Um~...?

Kaoru: Hm? What’s the matter, Kanata-kun? Is something bothering you?

Kanata: It’s not really bothering me, it’s just been stuck in my mind…~ Where did the “costume” come from?

Jun: Ah, that’s another issue. Nothing at Aoumi Aquarium went missing, after all.

Nagi-senpai, where did you get that costume?

Nagisa: …Wataru-kun said that he borrowed it from Kanata-kun.

Yuzuru: Indeed, we heard from Shinkai-sama that Hibiki-sama occasionally borrows costumes from him, doesn’t he?

Kanata: But, that “costume” is in the “storage” right now.

So, where did the “costume” that Nagisa is wearing come from?

Nagisa: …I don’t know that, either. All I can say is that Wataru-kun prepared it for me.

Yuzuru: This is just a hunch, but perhaps you know something about this, Itsuki-sama?

Shu: …Hm. And what gave you that impression?

Yuzuru: I thought it was a bit strange. Why would Itsuki-sama go out of his way to stay in that closet to sew costumes?

Kiryu-sama, am I correct in assuming that before all of this, Itsuki-sama had been staying up several nights in a row making costumes?

Kuro: Well yeah. He’d been stayin’ up late even before Sena came back.

Yuzuru: Then that would line up with the time that the Mendako aliens started appearing, correct?

Kaoru: Huh? So what you’re getting at is… Itsuki-kun was the one who made those costumes!?

Yuzuru: Precisely. Since there was nothing missing from the Aoumi Aquarium storage, it would make sense that new costumes were made instead.

In such a predicament, one would need the assistance of someone who has the skill to sew multiple costumes in a short span of time.

Drawing upon both Kaoru-sama’s eyewitness account and Ran-sama’s testimony, at least three costumes had to have been prepared within the past few days.

Hibiki-sama must have requested the production of more costumes based on the one he borrowed from Shinkai-sama…

If we were to narrow down the people that Hibiki-sama could rely on to make costumes, the two most likely candidates are either Itsuki-sama or Kiryu-sama.

Furthermore, considering the major lifestyle changes that have been witnessed from him before and after this incident, I am leaning towards Itsuki-sama.

Shu: …That’s a good deduction. I will say that you are spot on.

Kaoru: So that means those costumes were really made by Itsuki-kun?

Izumi: You’re so contrary and difficult, it’s hard to believe you took on making a costume like this—were you being threatened or something?

Shu: You of all people are calling me contrary and difficult? And no, I’m not being threatened.

Izumi: Then why did you go to the trouble of accepting a request like that…?

Shu: …Wataru is one of my few friends. It didn’t feel right to refuse a friend’s request.

Izumi: …I’m shocked. I didn’t think that was the reason you were staying up all night.

If that’s true, I still have my grievances, but Leo-kun is part of the cause.

So you could say that he was the one making Itsuki stay up all night, which means I haven’t been managing him properly…

Hah… For now, I’m sorry that Leo-kun made you do something so unreasonable.

Shu: Hm, I never expected you to apologize. That’s fine—as your apology seems sincere, I will accept it.

Izumi: But this is the only time. If you stay up all night sewing again in the future, you better watch out!

Kaoru: Now, now, Senacchi. You guys went through the effort of making up, no need to start it up again.

Nagisa: …Yes. This incident started because of my activities as a Mendako alien. I apologize for frightening everybody.

…As an apology, I will give everybody tickets to our performance.

Jun: Oh, how nice~ I couldn’t help but be curious about what the play was about when I heard Nagi-senpai talking about it.

Kanata: Fufufu, I’m looking forward to it…~ I wonder, what kind of “performance” will it be?

Kaoru: Thank you, Ran-kun. I’m also looking forward to it.

Nagisa: …Yes. I would like for everybody to see that the experience we gained from all of this commotion was worth it ♪

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[jihyuncompass]

Opening Night

Here we are, second to last day! This one was really fun to write. 

Mysme Week 2020 Day Seven ( @mysmeweek2020 )

Free

Zen x MC 

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: It didn’t matter how many times you saw it, watching Zen enter the stage, watching him move about, say his lines, sing the musical numbers, dance, all of it made you lose your breath a little.

The night before opening night of Zen’s newest musical he was in the bathroom applying a face mask. You had both finished your dinner and cleaned up, you were sitting in the living room watching TV. Watching Zen out of the corner of your eye. 

By this point in your relationship you were used to Zen’s pre show nerves and rituals. 

The first opening night after you got together had caught you a little off guard. He was very strict about his rules and traditions. Now watching him you could almost predict exactly what he was going to do and how long each step would take. 

As if on cue Zen left the bathroom, the mask still on. He collapsed on the couch next to you putting an arm around your shoulder and pulling you towards him. 

“What are you watching babe?” He asked. 

“Not sure.” You leaned against him. “I think it’s some kind of drama but I’ve never seen it before.” Zen hummed in acknowledgement. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?” 

“Of course I’m a little nervous.” Zen said. “But the show’s good, and everyone’s worked really hard. I think it’ll be great.” 

You gave him a smile. “Besides, you’re in it! No show can go bad if you’re acting in it.” Zen smiled back, even though the drying mask made it a bit difficult. 

“That’s right babe, I’ll also have my good luck charm there tomorrow, so nothing will go wrong.” You smiled and blushed, reaching to hold his hand. 

“You’re going to do well no matter what.” You said. “You always do an amazing job.” The two of you settled deeper into the couch to continue watching the drama that was playing. At one point Zen pointed to an actor who had just entered the scene. 

“Hey I know that guy!” Zen leaned forward to squint and make sure. “He was in a show I was in a few years ago.” 

“Did you know he was doing TV now?” You asked him. Zen shook his head. 

“No, I had no idea. It makes sense, he did seem like more of a TV guy than a stage actor.” 

Thinking of a question you looked over at him. “Do you think you’d want to do more movie stuff in the future? Rather than more stage acting?” Being his manager, part of your job was to help him find roles, he had been in a few movies and had a few TV spots but nothing too big or consistent. 

“TV roles are nice, and they do generally pay more but-” He thought for a moment. “I like the live audience reaction on stage, it feels more exciting.” He explained. You nodded, it made sense. Zen was in general more interested in the live immediate feedback of a stage musical rather than a delayed reaction that came from a TV or movie that took months to edit and premiere. 

After a few more minutes Zen got up to wash off his facemask and finish his nightly skincare routine. You also got up off the couch to turn on the kettle, since the two of you would need to be going to bed soon you wanted to make some night time tea to help you both fall asleep. All throughout the day Zen’s energy had been exceptionally high, he went for an even longer run than usual and even after still couldn’t sit still. 

You set the mugs on the coffee table in front of the TV where Zen had returned. He reached to the table and grabbed the mug taking a sip. You had added just the smallest amount of honey to Zen’s cup to sweeten the tea a little more to his liking. He was definitely more into eating healthy but he also couldn’t deny a little bit of a sweet tooth when it came to his tea. 

While you both drank your tea you started on the next step in the night before show rituals. This one was fairly new but was something that had become vital. Sitting on your knees on the couch you put your hands onto Zen’s shoulders. Gently massaging them and letting the tension leave his body. Moving around you massaged his shoulders and his back. Zen’s eyes were closed as you worked, focusing on your touch as you let him relax further. 

By the time you finished Zen was almost asleep. He only started to stir when he felt your arms wrap fully around his waist and you lean into his back with your head resting on his shoulder. You spoke to him softly, being right next to his ear. 

“Ready for bed? You have a big day tomorrow.” Zen smiled and nodded. Slowly and at your own pace you both made it to the bedroom where you both were asleep almost instantly. 

The next morning was somewhat chaotic. Zen got up at this normal time and went on a run. During this time you dragged yourself out of bed and started making breakfast for the two of you. Even though the show wasn’t until later tonight they had one last dress rehearsal to do before the doors would actually open. He would barely have enough time to shower and eat before he would have to hurry out the door so you worked as quickly as possible. 

Zen came home while you were still cooking. He greeted you with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to be back out in just a minute while he takes a shower and cleans himself up. Listening to the sounds of the shower running you finished making breakfast for the two you. 

He ate quickly, though still sparing every moment he could to savor the meal you made, and to talk with you. Now was the point where you could see the nerves starting to show themselves. Zen was full of nervous energy and a sort of hyper focus on whatever he was thinking about. You could also see how his knee was bouncing under the table. 

As soon as breakfast was done he grabbed his rehearsal and his show bag he had packed the night before. Slinging it over his shoulder he turned back to you. 

“I gotta head out now babe, I’ll see you at the show?” You met him by the door and gave him a long kiss goodbye. 

“I'll see you at the show, I can’t wait.” 

Zen smiled at you, a happy sappy smile that he gave you and only you. “I can’t wait either.” He leaned in for one last kiss. Only pulling away once he realized he was actually going to be late. You watched him go, mentally counting down the hours until you would see him again. 

You did a few work things, did some calls with the press who were requesting interviews with Zen, and answered a few emails for the RFA. Working tirelessly you managed to get your whole work to-do list done in only a few hours. Leaving plenty of time for lunch and other projects. 

With a few hours left before you needed to leave you cleaned up the apartment. Making it absolutely spotless, and lighting a candle to make the rooms smell good. You ran to the store and filled the fridge with some of Zen’s favorite food to celebrate the show’s opening. Even if he was sure to be exhausted after today you still wanted to give him something to look forward to after the show. 

With only a couple hours before the show you got yourself ready, taking a shower, getting dressed in a new outfit you had bought for this occasion, and doing any finishing touches you needed to look your best for tonight. Once you were ready and it was time you left the apartment and headed towards the theater. 

You stopped briefly at a flower shop, getting a big bouquet of flowers to give Zen after the show. Another one of your traditions that you liked to hold onto. As you got closer to the theater you spotted Jaehee waiting by the entrance with a group of other theater goers. 

The two of you greeted each other, both with huge smiles on your faces. You both made plans weeks ago to see the opening together. Especially with the two of you being Zen’s biggest fans. You spent a few minutes catching up, she complained about work, you talked about what the rehearsal process for this show was like. You had been to a few of the rehearsals for this show so you knew what it was like in chunks. But today was the first time you were seeing it all come together. 

“I’m sure he’ll do incredible.” Jaehee said as you took your seats in one of the front rows. “Zen always does an excellent job on stage.” You nodded in agreement.

“The little bits I’ve seen and heard have all been amazing. I have a suspicion this show might even be more popular than ‘Promiscuous Jalapeno Topping’ the tickets for this show sold out really quickly.” You explained. Jaehee looked impressed, even though you were his manager you knew that she had the time and the fandom experience to know how likely that statement was to be true. 

“Promiscuous Jalapeno Topping is still one of his most popular performances, it’s a Zen classic, but this one could probably serve as good competition if it’s as good as it seems.” You both agreed, watching the lights dim and the show start. 

It didn’t matter how many times you saw it, watching Zen enter the stage, watching him move about, say his lines, sing the musical numbers, dance, all of it made you lose your breath a little. Everything he did felt masterful and purposeful, he stole every scene he was in and provoked strong emotions in you with every part of his performance. This was one  of the moments that made you realize just how incredible Zen is, how good of an actor he is, how passionate he is about his work. 

Seeing him perform his solo number brought tears to your eyes. You’d heard him sing it a million times, in rehearsal but also at home while he tried to master all the notes. You’d heard while he cooked, practiced, rested, showered. You knew every line and every part of the blocking and seeing it on stage brought up so much emotion in you. It reminded you well of just how much you loved him. 

By the time the show was over, both you and Jaehee had done your fair share of cheering, crying, and just staring in awe of his performance. You both cheered as loudly as you could during the bows, so much you saw how Zen locked eyes with you making your heart beat faster. 

Zen was expected to do stagedoor right after the show so you and Jaehee were allowed back into his dressing room to wait for him. Together the two of you talked about the show, going over your favorite moments, lines, songs. You told her some of the backstage drama and gossip that you knew about too, some of which you saw for yourself and others Zen told you about at home. Even though you were chatting you still kept glancing at the clock to see what time it was, trying to predict when Zen would be getting back. 

He returned with a big smile on his face, he had changed out of his costume and was dressed in his typical black tee shirt and jeans look. His hair swept up in its usual ponytail. He greeted Jaehee with a hug and you with a hug and kiss. 

“You did amazing.” You told him while he was still leaned in close to your face. He smiled. 

“Thanks babe, it’s all because of you.” He kissed your cheek before pulling back, but keeping an arm around you. “I’m so glad that the two you came for opening night, it means a lot.” 

“Of course.” Jaehee said. “I think I speak for both of us when I say we wouldn't have missed this for the world.” Zen exhaled, his shoulders relaxing. 

“You two are incredible, really. I’m glad two of my favorite people were here.” Zen held you a little tighter to emphasize his point. 

The three of you talked for a bit, Jaehee asked questions about the performance that you didn’t have the answers to, and you both gushed to him about how well he did. And after some selfies were taken between the three of you, Jaehee excused herself to head home before work in the morning. Once the two of you were alone Zen turned to face you, he looked exhausted. 

“I meant it when I said you did a great job, I’m really proud of you.” You told him, Zen smiled, his expression showed just how tired he was, but also how happy he was. 

“And I meant it when I said it was all because of you. You’re always so supportive of my work.” You put a hand on his shoulder and another on his cheek. The two of you locked eyes. Zen sighed and embraced you. “Having you in my life makes me happier than I could have ever hoped for.” You smiled, Zen told you this often but every time still made you emotional. 

“You make me happy too Zen, I love seeing how hard you work, I love how passionate you are in everything you do.” Zen held onto you tighter, after a while you pulled away from each other. Remembering you turned around to grab the bouquet of flowers and handed it to him. “I got you these.” Zen’s face lit up and he took the bouquet in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed you. 

“They’re beautiful.” He smiled and looked back at you. “Though not as beautiful as you are.” He kissed you again, this time one arm going onto your waist. Focused on you he gently set down the bouquet on the side table to put his other hand in your hair to keep you close to him. 

“Let’s go home.” You whispered when you pulled away from him to catch your breath. He leaned back in, giving you another kiss before letting himself actually pull away. 

“I’ll just get my things and we’ll go.” He gave a devilish grin and quickly grabbed everything he needed, including the bouquet of flowers. He put his arm around your shoulder and you put yours around his waist. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead. “Let’s go home babe.” 

By the time you both actually got home you and Zen were both half asleep. Zen barely managed to get himself into the shower while you heated up some food for the two of you. You ate your food on the couch, too tired to even sit at the table. 

That night you didn’t even make it to bed, falling asleep with your head on Zen’s chest and his arms wrapped around you. Both of you very happy and comfortable together.

[rulesofthebeneath]

Hey guys!! 

Here’s the new thing I’ve been writing! I hope y’all enjoy lmao this started as a dumb idea but now I’ve been really emotionally invested in it. I’m gonna try to post about twice a week. Let me know what you think, please!!! Tags: @abunchofbadchoices, @mrsbhandari, @lilmissperfectlyimperfect 

The first time he’d ever told anyone, it was his first boyfriend, and he was met with a sarcastic snort.

“Come on, ‘Jay. That’s just what gay guys say when they’re scared to come out all the way. You can’t be both gay and straight, you have to choose.”

He was fourteen, and had no idea what to make of any of his feelings, much less the weird ones that made his heart beat faster and made butterflies storm his stomach. So he accepted that, and listened to Jake, who was older and wiser than him.

“Are you sure?” he’d asked.

“Yeah. Wait, ‘Jay, do you not like me anymore?”

“What? Of course I do.”

“Oh, good. I was scared you were trying to break up. But I don’t know why you’d say something as crazy as that. You know you can always talk to me, okay?”

Ajay nodded, but deep inside he sincerely doubted that. In retrospect, it was the first of several red flags that had led to a less-than-happy ending for him and Jake.

The next people he told were his parents. As far as Indian parents went, they were pretty open-minded, and hadn’t really cared about him liking guys. He’d even been able to bring home boyfriends or school dance dates without making too many waves with his parents. They didn’t really understand why he couldn’t just date a nice girl, but they loved him anyways, and he knew he was lucky.

But when he’d said he liked both guys and girls, he was met with polite parental confusion.

“What? But you only go out with boys, putra,” his mom had said. “You’ve never brought a girl home. How do you know you like both, hm?”

It was an excellent point. Ajay couldn’t explain how he knew he liked girls, just like he couldn’t explain why he liked guys. But he just did.

His father shook his head. “No, no, no. You’ll have to choose someday. You don’t have to hide yourself and pretend you like girls just to make us happy. You know we love you.”

Ajay hadn’t even known how to respond to that one, so he’d just nodded and excused himself from dinner. He’d never brought it up again.

He’d posted anonymously on a forum for gay youth that he’d found, but hadn’t recieved much other than “that’s not real”, “you can’t like both”, “you have to choose”, “so you’re a cheater?” and “you’re just saying that because you’re scared of committing to life as a gay guy”.

It wasn’t long before he’d just logged out completely, questioning himself. Did he just think he was attracted to girls because he felt like he had to be? Because society said guys were supposed to like girls? Was it true that he was scared of being gay, because of all the homophobia he’d have to face? Especially as a second-generation Indian, he was expected to life the perfect heterosexual American lifestyle, getting a good job and having two or three kids and making his family back in India proud of their success story. Even though his parents knew he was gay and didn’t care, nobody else in his family knew. He hated to think what they’d say about him if they did. They already talked smack about Ajay’s only openly gay cousin, Aditya, and Ajay knew he was basically dead to the family.

So was he just pretending he liked girls to escape the full ramifications of being gay? It was possible, he thought, but probably not. He’d never had a girlfriend or even been on a date with a girl, but that was due to an unfortunate outing incident orchestrated by his ex (another of those red flags he’d ignored).

Despite the fact that he was outed, though, he’d found a group of friends who had thoroughly supported him. Rory, in all of their genderfluid nonbinary aro/ace glory, Clint and Natalie whose sexualities seemed to be oriented towards whichever gender Rory presented as on a given day, Skye who was a goth sapphic icon, James who was the token straight ally, Trevor who was so deep in the closet that Ajay doubted he’d come out this century, then two mysteries.

One was Erin, Ajay’s longtime best friend. He knew she liked guys, but he didn’t know if she only liked guys or if she liked other genders too. He wasn’t about to ask, though, because asking her would lead to her asking him, and he wasn’t quite prepared for that.

The other was Grace, James’ twin sister. As far as James was known as a heartbreaker, Grace didn’t appear to have dated anybody. Or at least, she didn’t talk about it and neither James nor Rory, who’d known her since childhood, said anything about it either. And again, he wasn’t about to ask because of the possibility of the awkward return question.

All his friends would pick on him, good-naturedly, about just how gay he was– how he always dressed sharp, his hair was always neatly combed and occasionally slicked back with gel, how he liked theatre way more than a straight guy could ever, the fact that he couldn’t do math, how his best friend was a girl, his taste for iced lattes, his distaste for anything athletic. Erin had even caught him doing a facemask one morning, and had teased the living hell out of him for it. Ajay didn’t see the big deal– he just wanted to keep his skin clear– but was willing to accept that basic hygiene and skincare were not something that straight men typically did.

It was all in good fun, and Ajay knew that, and he would even laugh along with his friends when they pointed that stuff out. It was funny, he could admit that. And he was gay— that was the only part of his sexuality that was easy for him to admit. He’d found comfort in that label, even though it wasn’t the full story.

In all honesty, he was scared to be openly bisexual. Coming out as gay to his parents after being forcibly outed at school was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he couldn’t imagine doing it again. And how would he explain that he liked both guys and girls? He’d seen what they said on TV and in the movies, even in some books. Bisexuals are promiscuous, bisexuals are cheaters, all bisexuals choose to be either gay or straight eventually. It’s just a phase.

In previous years, in weaker moments, he’d wished he could just be gay. After a particularly disastrous encounter with a girl named Kelly and his very unfortunate crush on her, he’d cursed himself for liking girls when everyone knew he was gay. He tried to convince himself to be gay, to just only like guys, but it never took.

It never took, and it was one of the reasons he resented Rory, who was unapologetically themself. Rory didn’t care what people said, and either way they weren’t interested in dating. Rory had it good, anyways. They had parents who loved them, accepted them unconditionally, and had even thrown them a coming out party. They were just a far braver person than Ajay was, and Ajay wished he could have their accepting family and their confidence and just be who he was.

Ajay sat down heavily at the lunch table, having gotten there surprisingly early. Rory sat there, picking at their lunch absent-mindedly while scrolling through their phone. Grace sat beside them, twirling her hair around her finger and completely ignoring her lunch in favor of staring at something across the cafeteria. Ajay followed her line of sight but only saw the new poster advertising their spring musical, The Tempest.

Grace had snagged the lead role of Miranda after making her high school theatre debut as the lead in their fall play. It was her sophomore year, after she and her brother transferred from a school in Seattle when her parents decided to move back to their hometown and start their own business, a small diner called the Golden Griddle. Grace herself was an impressive actor, and even though Ajay didn’t want to admit it, she was an impressive person as well.

She turned her head as if snapping out of a trance, looking towards Ajay.

“Hey,” she greeted him. “Just checking out the new posters. I didn’t see them before.”

That’s right, Ajay reminded himself. Of course she might not have seen them until now. She had been noticeably absent from rehearsal yesterday, where Skye and Mr. Olsen had presented the new posters and the entire group had spent the last half-hour putting them up all over the school. It hadn’t been a huge deal- there were plenty of scenes that needed blocking, and Ajay had just had Skye stand in for Grace where it was needed. But he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t concerned, especially since he’d seen her twin heading home from soccer practice.

“Yeah, we put them up during rehearsal yesterday.”

“About that,” she started, looking uneasy. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to rehearsal yesterday. I… wasn’t feeling well, and I had to go home early.”

Ajay furrowed his brows. Grace looked so uncomfortable while she was saying that that it was obvious it was a lie, or at least not the entire truth. He wanted to ask her about it, but then James loudly sat down beside her, chatting with Erin, and he dropped it. Grace looked relieved at her brother’s interruption. Ajay shook it off– it didn’t really matter anyways. But he was worried all the same.

“Stop pouting,” Erin interjected,shooting him a ferocious glare. He was so surprised that the frown slipped off his face, causing the whole table to break out into giggles. Even Grace, which eased the worry a little. He shot a fake glare Erin’s way, then had to dodge another glare.

Skye, Natalie, Clint and Trevor showed up not long after, and Rory finally looked up from their phone.

“Hey,” they said. “How was everyone’s morning?”

Skye groaned. “Math test. Kill me now, before my parents see my grades.”

Grace rolled her eyes. “You know you got this, Skye. You knew everything on that test when we were studying last night.”

“Test anxiety is a bitch, though,” Trevor added. He prodded Skye’s shoulder. “I get it. We can’t all be the modern-day Einstein.”

“I resent that,” Grace mumbled, though a small smile remained on her face.

“I signed up to take the SAT at the end of the year,” Erin interjected. “I’m starting SAT prep tutoring this weekend. Three hours on both days.

The entire table except Ajay cringed. “Me too,” he admitted. “I’m gonna need a lot of help if I want a good score on the math section. I can’t make heads or tails of some of this trig stuff.”

Privately, he’d been thinking of asking Grace to help him out after rehearsal. She was already helping Skye on weekends, and though he couldn’t pay her like Skye’s parents could, he thought he’d offer to buy her dinner if she agreed. But that thought remained stuck inside his head, some part of him inexplicably nervous about being alone with her.

While he was caught up in his thoughts, wondering why the girl made him nervous and furiously trying to ignore that part of him, the conversation at the table had continued on without him. James jabbed Grace with his elbow and she jabbed him back. Erin and Rory talked about the college application process, Erin admitting that she wouldn’t be trying for any BFA Drama programs. Clint and Natalie hung on to Rory’s every word, echoing their indignation that Erin wouldn’t pursue drama in higher education. Skye and Trevor talked about set design, Skye even whipping out her sketchbook to add in some details.

By the time Ajay regained attention of the conversation around him, triggered by Erin asking him about that week’s rehearsal schedule, Grace had already zoned back out of the conversation, staring at the poster again. Ajay frowned again. What was up with her?

“Earth to Ajay”, Erin said. “We were arguing over which team was better, softball or soccer. What do you think?”

Ajay quirked an eyebrow. “Erin, I don’t do sports.”

“I don’t know why not. They’re fun! Even just to watch.”

“You know full well I have a complete aversion to any physical activity. But I guess if I had to choose, I’d say soccer.”

Erin nodded knowingly, a smirk playing on her lips. “I can see that. Scoping out the hot guys, are we?”

Ajay sighed “Sure,” he said, trying to sound as defeated as possible. Erin knew how he’d dated Jake a while ago, and he was now the team captain in his senior year at Berry. Erin had a theory that he still held a torch for the guy, though, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The only games he went to anymore were the ones that the whole theatre group went to with Grace to support James. Even though James wasn’t cast in the musical, he was an honorary part of the crew, having stepped in with his calm demeanor during various theatre emergencies. Everyone liked the guy– it was impossible not to– and they made up the loudest group on the bleachers cheering for him.

The only reason Ajay still liked soccer was because it was the only sport he understood. Jake had made sure he’d known everything about soccer, talking about it constantly. Ajay knew his ex planned to play pro soccer in Europe after graduation. Ajay had grown into a soft spot for the game that didn’t end when his relationship with Jake had.

The bell rang to signal that lunch was over, and everyone got up except Ajay and Grace. Ajay, because he was still reeling over the exchange, and Grace, because she was still lost in space, staring at that poster.

“Hey,” he said to her, barely able to make himself heard over the chatter in the cafeteria. “You okay?”

Grace’s eyes snapped to Ajay’s, looking startled for a half-second. “Oh, yeah, just distracted,” she said unconvincingly. She started to gather her stuff, and Ajay echoed her.

He fell into the crowd beside her, trying to make their way through into the hallway. Ajay screwed up all his courage to ask her about tutoring, because he really did need that extra math help.

“Hey, so, I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with my math stuff? I’ll be working on the SAT problems on the weekends but I’m falling dangerously behind in class again. I can’t really pay you but I can buy you dinner or something?”

Grace looked over, a little surprised. “Oh, yeah, sure. You don’t need to buy me dinner, though. I don’t charge my friends.”

“You don’t? But don’t Skye’s parents pay you?”

Grace looked a little embarrassed. “They insisted, and I tried to resist but Skye told me it was just a drop in the bucket for them. So really, I don’t need anything.”

“If you’re sure,” Ajay said. “But if there is anything I can do to repay you, I’ll do it.”

Grace paused for a moment. “Um… if you could help me with English it would be great. I don’t know what any of these old British writers are saying.”

“Sure, that stuff can be hard to digest. Sounds like a good deal for me.”

“Alright. Think we could hit up a coffee shop or a fast food place or something, say twice a week after rehearsal?”

Ajay nodded. “Thanks, Grace.”

“No, thank you,” she smiled. “See you at rehearsal.” Then she ducked her head and disappeared into the crowd.

[jinmindeulle]

of love and other poems | myg

word count: 3.2 k

pairing: min yoongi x reader

genre: art gallery au, pianist/artist au, pianist!yoongi x artist!reader ∣ almost smut?, fluff

warnings: minor cursing

a/n: and with of love and other poems, i officially get started with my bts works! i have been waiting so long for this moment, especially because i love bts with my whole heart and they are my ultimate everything. although seokjin’s my bias, i had to get started with the bias wrecker. more things to come!!

happy reading! ♥

My hands were tinted with every colour of my palette. Most of my paintbrushes were used, spread over my dark wooden table, also painted with multiple colours and materials. Luckily, my floor was covered with a thousand plastic sheets that Taehyung had given me after seeing how messy my art room got every time I stepped inside it. That’s why I recently stopped trying to clean it. There’s no use when I literally have been spending my entire afternoons here.

“Could you book it, Tae? Are you sure that no one’s taking my place that day?”

“Relax, y/n” he chuckled, showing me the Seoul’s National Art Gallery’s website in his laptop “I have already booked yours and mine, and I checked twice. It’s going to be alright”

“You know that this is no joke, and I always get anxious over fucking everything!” I sighed, walking backwards some steps so that I could take a look at my last piece “What do you think? I’m planning to have this one at the entrance”

“So that’s the intro? It’s stunning, y/n” Tae smiled, displaying his boxy grin “You’ll graduate with honours! I’m so proud of you!” he hugged me tight, shaking our bodies with excitement.

“You too!” I giggled, hugging him back.

Although I was constantly worried about how well my art would do in every class, Taehyung was always there to reassure me and make sure that I was satisfied. Nearing our college graduation, however, my insecurities got worse and worse. Surrounded by talented people, including my best friend, I knew for a fact that I was going to have a hard time coming up with something creative and meaningful to display as my final exam. At the same time, we were not only in charge of our work, but also of booking our place at the Seoul’s National Art Gallery on the weekend that our delivery was due, of arranging our pieces and exhibiting them for the general public as if we already were the professional artists that we hoped to become after that damned exam. My anxiety levels were reaching their peaks as that day got closer, so Taehyung made sure to spend as much time with me as possible.

“Don’t you need to get back to your apartment? You had to finish your last piece too” I pouted.

“I can manage”

“Tae…” I whined “You know how much I appreciate and thank you for being here with me, but you need to focus on your exam too. Go home, I can deal with myself for a bit”

“It’s okay, really” he took my chin with one of his large hands and playfully shook my head “Jimin is practicing his routine for his own final exam and I-”

“Need silence to paint, I know” I interrupted him, chuckling “So you’ll stay the night, then?”

“Seems like you want to” he teasingly wiggled his eyebrows, earning an arm smack from me “Ouch!”

“Go order some pizza while I take a shower, dummy”

.

.

Although some say that taking a shower is a way of relaxing, I highly disagree.

Less than two days away from my final exposition, my head wouldn’t stop thinking and re-evaluating every aspect of my already finished pieces, going over every detail that could go wrong that day. I knew I had taken care of everything and anything, but it still felt like something was missing. My art was there, ready to take to the gallery and exhibit, I rehearsed and rehearsed what to say about each piece probably a thousand times and my outfit was already picked up, obviously by Tae. What else was there to complement my artwork?

As I dried my hair, going over the poem that was behind my paintings in my head, Taehyung’s deep, caramel voice came muffled through the bathroom’s door. He was singing that same old song that complimented his tone like no other. Enjoying the melody, I turned off the hair dryer and got started with my night-time skincare routine, softly humming along Tae’s voice.

It was then when it hit me.

“That’s what I fucking need!” I yelled, running out of the bathroom with half of my face covered in my green facemask.

Taehyung’s eyes went wide upon seeing me desperately going in circles around the coffee table, screaming nonsensical words and having the eleventh mental breakdown over the course of the afternoon. But as he was too used to my stupidity, he got up from the couch and stopped me on my tracks, putting his big hands on my shoulders. “Calm down, y/n, what’s wrong now?”

“I need music!” I panicked “My art gallery won’t be complete if I don’t fucking have live music to accompany the mood! It’ll be utterly horrible!” my eyes watered “How the fuck do I find a decent musician in less than 48 hours?!”

“God, y/n, I thought you were questioning your life choices again” he sighed, engulfing me in a comforting hug. I felt some tears go down my face, angry at myself for letting those dumb things get to my head as fast as they pop up. I embraced his waist, cuddling closer to his neck but trying not to stain his pale-blue linen shirt with my facemask. ��I know someone that could help”

“You do?” I sobbed, dethatching my face from his collarbone and looking up at his bright orbs.

“He’s a wonderful pianist and has brilliant taste in music. I’ll call him tomorrow first thing in the morning”

“You’re amazing, Tae” I cried, going back to his tight hold “I don’t know what I would do without you”

“Me neither” he chuckled, kissing the top of my head.

.

.

“You’ll do like no other, honey bunch. Just breath in and out, calm yourself down and most importantly, enjoy. You’ve been working so hard for this day and you cannot let it go to waste. You’ll smash it”

Once again embraced in Taehyung’s arms, I breathed in his scent as an attempt to calm down my beating heart. No one had arrived yet, but I was already at my fifth mental breakdown. All of the hard work that I had non-stop been carrying out for the past four years was hanging by a thread today, and as my best friend said, I could not ruin it by being a dumb bundle of nerves. Just when I was finally keeping my heartbeat under control, Tae’s phone started buzzing inside his suit’s pocket.

“That must be my pianist friend” he muttered, taking a look at his iPhone screen. “Yep. He’s here already, let me go get him!”

“Okay” I sighed, straightening my dress as he jogged out of the room.

My art pieces were already hanging on the walls, telling the story that I had wanted them to tell for so long. Each one had their own meaning, their own reason to be. Unlike those first paintings of mine, these had a purpose and they were able to talk to the observer, but only if they closely paid attention to every detail.

“That’s spectacular”

Such unfamiliar voice took me out of my thoughts, making me turn around to find the face that matched it. And goddamnit. Dumbfounded, speechless, mouth dried. That pianist was indeed spectacular.

“Th-thank you” that was all I could say. Damn, y/n, get it together!

“Min Yoongi” he stretched his hand, and I awkwardly shook it, praying to whatever God was above us to just let my blushing cheeks go back to normal as soon as possible.

“y/n l/n”

“Taehyung told me” he smiled, shoving his hands inside his pockets and looking around the gallery “I meant it when I said they are incredible”

“I-I appreciate it” I tightly closed my eyes, breathing in and out to help my heart beat at normal pace once more “And thank you for coming on such a short notice” I opened them up, just to find his endearing face looking at me with a soft smile over his rosy lips “It was a last-minute thought and I really needed music for my exhibit”

“I had the day off, so no worries. I know how important music is and I just wanted to help. Plus, I owed Taehyung a favour”

“It means a lo-”

“y/n! Professor’s here with a bunch of people!” a frantic Taehyung came running into the room, interrupting my exchange with the ravishing pianist “Get into place, you dummy! And you too, hyung!” and immediately after screaming at us, he went back to his place as my gallery’s receptionist.

“Good luck, artist. I’ll do my best to reach your standards” and with that, he walked straight to the giant shiny piano that was laying right in front of my last, ‘outro’ piece, and smoothly ran his expert fingers over the keys.

[BGM: i need u, piano version]

I could not take my eyes off of his veiny hands the moment he got started with his fascinating art, making me instantly regret having Taehyung take care of my one a.m. requests.

“How stunning, Miss. y/n!”

.

.

I was nearly running out of energy when Taehyung informed me that the last visitor was out of the room. He hugged me so tightly that I thought I was about to pass out, but at that point I could not care less.

“I’m so proud of you, honey bunch!” he giggled, picking me up from the ground and squeezing the life out of me, as he always does “It was impressive. Everyone loved it! You should have heard how they complimented your pieces as they left the gallery!”

“Tae…” I answered with difficulty, trying to catch some air “You’re clutching… me too… tight!”

“Sorry!” he put me down, arranging some of the hairs that went out of my perfectly styled bun.

“Thank you Tae” I sighed with a content smile “You made this possible too. And I will be there for you next week just as you were here today. I love you” I kissed his cheek, making him get flustered just as I wanted him to. “Now go home. You need to rest”

“But-”

“Kim Taehyung!” I interrupted him “I’ll finish here. I want to stay for a bit on my own and then I’ll go home.”

“Fine” he pouted “But you text me when you get home, please. It’s too late for you to be walking on the streets all alone”

“M-hm” I nodded, watching him go backwards as he waved at me “See you, babes!”

“Be careful!”

“Yes, dad” I shook my head, giggling at his antics.

Once he was out of the room, I heavily sighed and glanced back to where my paintings where. I studied them once more, pretending as if I was looking at them for the first time. Maybe the story that I wanted them to tell could be something else when a different eye observed them. Art is relative, and so were interpretations.

“W.H. Auden?”

His deep, raspy voice startled me once again, but this time I didn’t have to turn around to see him. He was right by my side. I could perceive his calm breaths while taking in the sight of my ‘intro’ piece, his eyes sparkling with something close to admiration, to esteem, to wonder.

“How’d you know that?”

“I like poetry” he softly smiled, tearing his gaze away from the painting to fixate his eyes on my own “It’s ‘The More Loving One’, right?”

“Wow… that’s… that’s impressive” I bit my lip, astonished by the man’s capacity of interpreting my intentions in mere seconds “I thought that nobody was going to get it”

“I just like art in general” he shrugged. We fell in a comfortable silence, both of us immersed in our own thoughts. However, the pianist was quick to keep the conversation flowing once again. “Let me guess… Looking up at the stars, I know quite well… That, for all they care, I can go to hell… But on earth indifference is the least… We have to dread from man or beast” he recited, with no rush and honeyed deep voice. He gently took my wrist with his hand and slowly directed me towards my second painting. My heartbeat rapidly increased upon feeling his warm touch, and I thanked Taehyung for letting me wear comfortable heels, or else I was soon going to end up collapsing on the floor “How should we like it were stars to burn… With a passion for us we could not return?… If equal affection cannot be… Let the more loving one be me.”

When we reached the following set of paintings, I was, by this time, in Cloud 9. Despite this, I still needed him to stop his astounding display of knowledge about my favourite poet, because he was already becoming something else for me. So I took over “Admirer as I think I am… Of stars that do not give a damn… I cannot, now I see them, say… I missed one terribly all day”

“Were all stars to disappear or die… I should learn to look at an empty sky… And feel its total dark sublime… Though this might take me a little time” he finished for me, as we arrived to the last trio of paintings “As much as I worship Auden, I disagree” he muttered, observing my ‘outro’ painting. “Do you think that love is fleeting and impermanent?”

“It depends… He’s talking about unrequited love, though. That kind of love should be fleeting and impermanent” I looked at him, studying his gorgeous features. He pressed his lips together and his brows snapped together, returning my gaze.

“Is unrequited love less than the requited one?”

“Of course it is” I chuckled “You cannot expect someone to love you just because you love them. You need to get over them, even if it takes you your whole life”

“Still… do you love someone any less when they do not love you back?”

“Not really. But the difference lays in the fact that you won’t ever get that with the person who doesn’t love you. Imagine having to deal with that kind of indifference just because you adore them”

“Wouldn’t you rather your lover be indifferent towards you when the other possibility left is hating you?”

“Oh, c’mon! Does self-love apply here?”

“I don’t think you ever get to love yourself more than a person that makes you feel alive” he replied, his velvety voice becoming deeper and mesmerizing, his eyes never leaving mine “Do you love yourself more than your lover?” Yoongi murmured, getting closer. Our breaths were now blending together, making it difficult to distinguish which was his and which mine.

“I-I don’t…” I stuttered, feeling the intensity of his eyes “I don’t have a… lover” I finally muttered back, unable to tear my eyes off of his.

“Let’s fix that, then”

Yoongi’s mouth found mine in a heavy, hot kiss. His lips took over mine without much effort, slowly angling his face to deepen it. I was quick to let him in, feeling how his soft tongue gradually brushed my own. I took the initiative, pulling him by the neck to get him closer, as if that was even possible by now. His hands gently caressed my hips, securely taking place on my lower back. I tugged my mouth away from his, trying to catch some air, but he was shortly after chasing my lips to pepper light kisses over them.

“I need…” I breathlessly muttered in between kisses “to close… down”

“I’ll help you” he replied, giving me one last, sloppy peck. “I’ll take you home after”

.

.

I could hardly close the door as soon as we entered my apartment. My hand was struggling, trying to get inside the lock as Yoongi peppered wet kisses down my neck while caressing my waist from behind me. A few minutes went by, my mind getting cloudier. He must have realized, because he chuckled against my neck, taking my shaking hand with his and rapidly locking the door “All set”

I turned around, taking his cheeks with my hands and directing his lips to mine, parting them to get better access to his hot mouth. I started walking, slowly but surely taking him down the corridor and right into my room, loudly closing the door once inside.

.

.

“Do you still agree with Auden?” Yoongi whispered, softly caressing my arm.

“M-hm” I muttered, fluttering my eyes open, throwing my leg over his own and getting closer to his collarbone “It is always better to be the one who loves.”

“Would you be willing to love even then, y/n?”

“One does not choose when, how or who they love, Yoongi” I detached myself from his chest, supporting my weight with my arm as I looked at him “And I think it’s better to love rather than being at the receiving end without even acknowledging it. It hurts, yes, but the feeling…”

“Yet he emphasizes the fact that he can, and will get over them. Is his love as strong as he claims?”

“It can be the strongest feeling, of course. Still, you cannot hang in there just because you are unable control it”

“Have you noticed that in those last lines, he openly admits he hadn’t missed them when they were gone? Is that what love is about?”

“If they hurt you, maybe” I yawned, going back to the comfort of his touch “You won’t miss them, but you still love them. It’s easy, young man”

“Is love easy?”

“Can you please shut your stunning mouth for a second, please? You’re the loudest hook up I’ve ever had”

“You were the loud one some minutes ago” he chuckled, caressing my back, and taking my chin with his hand. Making me look up, he left a couple of short but soft, tender kisses over my swollen lips.  

“Goodnight, pianist”

“Goodnight, artist”

.

.

My phone woke me up from my slumber. Cold sheets met my hand, and I lifted my head from my pillow to take a look around my room.

He left.

I rejected whoever was calling me and got up from my bed, stretching out my limbs as I made my way to the living room. Empty.

Should have known that.

“It was just a hook up, y/n…” I murmured to myself, trying to get that in my head as fast as possible to avoid any kind of heartache. “He left as he shou-” I cut short my sentence when I noticed a scribbled piece of paper on my coffee table that wasn’t there the day before. I quickly took it, a smile plastered on my lips as soon as I started reading.

‘Last night I slept, and when I woke her kiss Still floated on my lips. For we had strayed Together in my dream, through some dim glade, Where the shy moonbeams scarce dared light our bliss. The air was dank with dew, between the trees, The hidden glow-worms kindled and were spent. Cheek pressed to cheek, the cool, the hot night-breeze Mingled our hair, our breath, and came and went, As sporting with our passion. Low and deep Spake in mine ear her voice: “And didst thou dream, This could be buried? This could be sleep? And love be thrall to death! Nay, whatso seem, Have faith, dear heart; this is the thing that is!” Thereon I woke, and on my lips her kiss.

Let’s meet again.

Min Yoongi’

in case you’re wondering, the poems featured here are ‘the more loving one’ by w.h. auden and ‘assurance’ by emma lazarus.

hope you enjoyed!

[btsqualityy]

Laundry

Jin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: Oral (Jin receiving), panty sniffing

Author’s Note: So, a lot of my followers told me that they would love for me to create some NSFW imagines for each of the couples from the Toddler Series! After getting some ideas of what you guys wanted to see, I’ve written them! There will be one imagine for each couple and I’ll be posting one a day for the next week! I hope you guys enjoy it!

“Finally,” Jin huffed as he put the last of Kaiden’s toys into the toy box that sat in one corner of the living room. It was Friday afternoon and you had left a little while ago to go drop Kaiden off to your parents for the weekend. Jin decided to take up the task of cleaning up all of Kaiden’s stuff around the house so that by the time you got back home, the two of you could truly relax for the weekend.

After taking one last look around the living room to make sure that he hadn’t missed anything, he trudged up the stairs to your shared bedroom and walked over to the laundry hamper. Since he was on a roll, he figured why not do the laundry too? Grabbing an empty basket, he began to pull the dirty clothes out of the hamper, separating them to make it easier to just throw into the washer when he came across a pair of your black lace panties. 

The thing is, Jin loved you in anything. It didn’t matter if you had on an astronaut suit or lingerie, he’d always want to fuck you. However, Jin had a certain affinity to these panties that were in the style of boy shorts. As he looked at the piece of underwear in his hand, his mind thought back to when he had last seen you in them and the thought caused blood to immediately rush to his cock.

It was five days ago, when Jin was laying in bed at the end of a long day of recording and rehearsals. He had been waiting for you in bed when you exited the bathroom after finishing your nightly skincare routine, dressed only in a tight camisole and those damned panties. Needless to say, the sight of you turned Jin on to no end and he’d made you come three times that night before you pushed him away. 

The memory of how you sounded moaning his name had his hand unconsciously reaching into the gym shorts that hung on his hips and gripping his cock. He groaned loudly, feeling himself to already be half hard. He then took his hand off of his cock momentarily, reaching and pulling the waistband of his shorts down to sit underneath his balls.

“Fuck,” he murmured, wrapping his hand back around himself as he used his opposite hand to bring your panties up to his nose. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of you and your pussy. He had the brief thought that maybe this was weird, the fact that he was sniffing your panties as he stroked his cock. However, he couldn’t be assed to care. 

“Y/N-ah,” he moaned, moving his hand up and down on his cock faster. He could feel himself getting closer and he was almost happy that you weren’t here because he was about to come embarrassingly fast.

“Jin?” Fuck, he spoke too soon. He lowered the panties from his face and looked towards the doorway, only to see you leaning against it with a sly smirk on your face.

“Uh,-”

“Hi baby,” you grinned, not being able to help the little laugh that escaped your lips. “Having fun without me I see?”

“I was just,” Jin paused, trying to calm his racing heart. “I was doing laundry.”

“Oh?” You tilted your head to the side. “And you found a little something huh?”

“Y-yeah,” he stammered, making you laugh softly at how shy he was acting. You pushed yourself off of the wall, walking over to stand in front of him. You reached out, gripping the head of his cock with one of your hands.

“I’m surprised baby,” you simpered. “Are you really that affected by those little panties?”

“It’s not, not necessarily only the panties,” he grumbled. 

“Then what is it?” You wondered as you looked down between the two of you, squeezing the head of his cock and eliciting a deep groan from him.

“It’s you,” he answered. “The fact that you wear them, the fact that they smell like you,” he paused, reaching down with both of his hands to wrap them around your wrist, encouraging you to move faster on his cock.

“You’re that turned on by me?” You asked genuinely, and he looked down at you, a smirk now covering his lips.

“Of course,” he nodded, as if it were obvious. “I always have been.” You then lean forward wordlessly, connecting your lips with his in a passionate kiss. The two of you stay like that for a while, kissing while you stroked him. Suddenly though, you pull away from him and then drop down onto your knees.

“Jagi, what are you doing?” Jin wondered, damn near choking on his breath when he watched and felt you wrap your lips around the head of his cock. You immediately went out for blood, taking him as far down your throat as you were able to. 

“Uh, jagi stop,” Jin pleaded, feeling himself hurtling towards his orgasm. “You’re gonna make me come.” You then pulled yourself off of him, using both of your hands to stroke his cock in the meantime.

“Good,” you smiled. “I want you to come in my mouth.” You then reached up and grabbed ahold of his hand, which still held your panties, and you pushed it up towards his face. He understand what you were getting at and he held your panties up his nose again, inhaling as you took him back into your mouth, making him groan at both your words and the wetness of your mouth as he began to come. He shuddered, over sensitivity making him want to push you away from how fucking good you were sucking him off. Once you were sure that the last spurts of cum had left his cock, you pulled back off of his cock with a pop.

“God woman,” Jin huffed harshly as he sank down to his knees as well, taking ahold of your face in his hands as he kissed you hard. After making out for a few minutes, Jin pulled away with a soft smile. “Don’t get me wrong, but that was the sexiest thing that we’ve done in a while.”

“No, I think so too,” you giggled as you nodded. “I’m soaking wet right now.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” you smirked. “Want me to take these panties off too so you can smell them?”

“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Nope,” you said, making Jin roll his eyes playfully.

“Alright, enough talking. Why don’t you lie back and let me take care of you?” He smiled, making you do the same as your heart rate spread out.

“Be my guest,” you cooed, leaning in to press a last kiss to his lips.

[ahtohallan-calling]

chapter 11 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

“What would I do without you, Kris?”

“Have to pay for a professional driver, I guess.”

“Way to ruin the sweet moment,” she’d murmured, but by the way she had nestled closer to his chest, he’d known he hadn’t really.

chapter 11: transitions

Some people, he presumed, would find it sexy, all the sneaking around and clandestine meet-ups and whispered phone calls. It was all very exciting in a way, standing around in parking lots and waiting for an SUV with newly-tinted windows to roll up and collect him, but he was already missing the ease of just running down to meet her in the parking lot and sweeping her up into an embrace before she’d had a chance to say hello.

There were no parking lot kisses for them anymore, especially not at his apartment complex, not after last weekend’s news article announcing newcomer Anna Arendelle had been cast in the title role of the live-action remake of Anastasia, alongside-- what was that guy’s name? Henry, or Hank or something; no, it sounded vaguely European...well, whatever it was, in Kristoff’s opinion, he wore far too much hair gel. And he was apparently very famous, and it was a huge deal for the movie and Anna’s career that they were playing opposite each other, and that meant the paparazzi were going overboard trying to get photos of her. As if it hadn’t already been bad enough that she was the biggest breakout star of the year, according to all the clickbait websites; the whole world loved Anna Arendelle now, was going absolutely crazy over her and her “down-to-earth presence” and “hilarious Twitter feed” and “all those gorgeous freckles” that were apparently starting a new skincare craze.

Perhaps the only person more exhausted by it all than him was Anna herself. “It’s not that I’m, like, ungrateful,” she had explained to him one night last week after an interview as they had huddled in the backseat of her car, parked behind a KFC that was undergoing renovations while they waited to make sure the coast was clear before driving to her apartment. “I mean, the fans are great, and I’m glad I like, make them happy and stuff. But Jesus, I just want to be just me again for a little while. I can’t even walk around in your fucking t-shirts anymore without people speculating which thrift shop I got them from and tweeting me a million times about it.”

She had been in the middle of changing into one of those t-shirts as she spoke, and it was jarring, almost, to see the contrast between the faded cotton and the thick layer of makeup she was still wearing. It looked beautiful under the stage lights, but now up close it just felt like one more barrier keeping him from her.

And then she had seen the sadness in his eyes and clambered into his lap and thrown her arms around him, and it was like nothing had changed at all. “Well, I love you,” he had reassured her with a kiss on her forehead. “Just-you you, and famous actress you, and Twitter you, and any other kind of you there is.”

She’d pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “What would I do without you, Kris?”

“Have to pay for a professional driver, I guess.”

“Way to ruin the sweet moment,” she’d murmured, but by the way she had nestled closer to his chest, he’d known he hadn’t really.

But now she was knee-deep in rehearsals and costume fittings, and he was gearing up for the end of his final semester before clinicals and still working at least three days a week, and since she refused to spend the night at his place for fear someone would find him and stalk him, he hadn’t seen her since that single hour they’d spent together in the car nearly a week ago. 

The first night after everything had blown up, when she’d been planning on staying the night and instead had called him in tears, she had apologized over and over. “I had no idea it would be like this, Kris, I know I promised to come but I just keep running into people everywhere who recognize me now, and I can’t do that to you, I just can’t--”

He’d let her go on for a while, knowing she needed to get it out of her system, but when she’d finally paused to draw in a ragged breath, he had said as calmly as possible, “Anna. I don’t love you any less because of this. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Okay, okay, I’m just really s--”

“Don’t, baby, please, okay? Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“No, I-- I know you have class in the morning, just-- will you stay on the phone with me? God, I just-- I just really, really was looking forward to spending the night with you.”

He had been, too. And he was again now; tomorrow was Thanksgiving, and he’d had the week off from classes, but she had been so overwhelmed with rehearsals and fittings and endless interviews for the past month that even if she hadn’t been dodging paparazzi, there would have hardly been any time to see each other. But they were going to spend the next three days at his parents’ house, three whole days where only his younger siblings’ giggles would keep him from holding her. 

“And Saturday and Sunday,” Anna had said over the phone when he told her his parents had invited her to come along. “Elsa and Honey are going to the mountains for the weekend, so we’ll have my whole apartment to ourselves and no weird ‘my older sister is in the next room’ vibes. If you want to come over, I mean.”

Of course he did, and he had told her in no uncertain terms exactly what he would spend the weekend doing, until he could practically hear her blushing as she said, “Jesus, Kristoff, give me one good reason not to come pick you up so we can hole up in a hotel for the next twenty-four hours straight.”

At the time, he’d had a reason, but a week later he was wondering what the hell it had been. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to think of roasted turkeys and watching football with his dad instead of Anna’s hands running all over him and her lips against his skin and her hair spilling out over his pillow-- and then he sighted her car finally pulling up to pick him up from the deserted parking lot behind the biology lab on the far end of his campus, and he could think about her all he wanted because finally she was here.

Apparently even the time it would take for him to walk over to the car from where he’d been standing under an awning was too long; the moment the lights switched off, Anna jumped out and ran over to him, her arms already extended. She jumped into his arms with the same desperation she had had when he had dropped her off at the airport all those months ago, tangling her fingers in his hair and kissing him like it had been six years and not six days.

“I missed you,” she managed to say between kisses. “Fuck, longest week of my life, Kris.”

He pulled back enough to get a good luck at her, worry pooling in his chest when he saw the dark circles under her eyes. “Well, we’ve got five days together now, yeah? You’ll have to tell me all about it.”

She leaned her forehead against his, drawing a deep breath as their eyes met. “We gotta find something better than just sneaking around and seeing each other for an hour every couple days.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I’ve kind of gotten used to having you around.”

“Gee, thanks,” she teased, kissing the bridge of his nose.

He wanted to keep holding her like this, wanted to pull her in for another kiss and feel her sigh against him and whisper that he loved her until he went hoarse. Instead he set her down and affectionately nudged his elbow against her arm. “You know what I mean. I keep rolling over in the night and reaching for you or like, expecting to come home and find you fighting with Sven about Call of Duty.”

Anna laughed as they walked towards her car hand-in-hand. “That started out really romantic and then just reminded me that I really owe him an ass-kicking. I-- wait, actually…”

He paused by the back of the car, raising an eyebrow. Anna blushed as she met his gaze. “Um. Can you drive?” she asked hesitantly. “Um. Don’t laugh, but, like...fuck. Okay. This is dumb--”

“Anna. Just say it.”

“I just...miss how like, how when you drive you put your hand on my knee because like. I don’t know.”

He went without further comment to the other side of the car, a smile playing at the corner of his lips as he moved the seat back. When there was finally enough room for his legs, he climbed in; Anna was setting something wrapped in foil in her lap, smoothing down the edges where she’d just taken a quick peek at it.

“What’s that?” Kristoff asked as he turned the keys.

“I, um. I made a pie. From scratch, seriously, Elsa nearly killed me when she saw all the flour on the counter, but I didn’t want to just show up empty-handed or with just a can of cranberry sauce or something, and I know your sisters like chocolate so I figured fudge pie would be good and keep in the fridge tonight until--”

He leaned over and kissed her until he felt her relax. “Thank you for doing that,” he said, brushing the tip of his nose over hers. “It’ll mean a lot to my mom.”

She looked at him with so much love in her eyes then, the way that was beginning to frighten him. It wasn’t her that scared him, not at all; he would be overjoyed to spend the rest of his life with her looking at him that way. But he had this absurd idea in the back of his mind that if she kept showering that much love on him all at once, she would run out of it quicker and then...well. She was still Anna, so she wouldn’t just completely cast him aside, but a gentle letdown seemed more and more likely every day as her star shone a little brighter each passing hour, and still she poured so much time and affection onto him of all people. He wished she would slow down, pace herself; he’d take a few less “I love yous” if it meant dragging out the inevitable a little longer.

He didn’t dare breathe a word of how he felt to Anna. He knew it would devastate her to hear it. It wasn’t that he doubted her; she loved him well and so completely he wondered sometimes how he had lived before it. And of course he loved her too, more than anything, and yes, like he reassured her over and over again when she began to worry about all the new Annas she was expected to be, she was still her, which meant she was his favorite person in the world, but that was the problem: she had always been her, always destined for bright and beautiful things, and he had always been him, and sometimes just loving someone wasn’t enough.

“Kris?”

He blinked; he had been so focused on his thoughts and getting started on the drive that he hadn’t heard her. He reached over and squeezed her knee. “Sorry, baby, what is it?”

“Can we make a detour? I’ll, uh-- it’s hard to find with GPS, I mean, so I’ll tell you the way. And it’ll be fast, I promise.”

He shot her a quick glance before turning onto the interstate. Why did she look so nervous all of a sudden? “Sure, no problem.”

They stayed on the interstate for a while, until they were nearly to Santa Clarita, and then she set her hand over his where it rested on her knee and squeezed. “Take this exit,” she said, and he did so silently, not understanding what she was doing and not trusting himself to say the right thing.

She directed him down a series of roads until they were just past the outskirts of town, and then she pointed towards a gravel lined path he nearly missed. “Sorry,” she said when he swerved to make the turn, “it’s, uh, like I said, hard to find. Which is, um. What I was looking for.”

He opened his mouth, a question finally forming, but then they passed through a line of trees into a cleared glade, and the words died in his throat.

It was a little house with blue shutters and a small porch; only one story, but with plenty of wide windows to let in the light, and there was a “For Sale” sign out front. After several long moments, he turned to Anna, and saw a little smile curling at the corners of her mouth.

“It’s-- it’s not that expensive, really,” she said, her voice wobbling a little, “I mean, I can’t buy it outright, but since they’re paying me week by week during rehearsals I can do the down payment and mortgage easy, and it’s out of the way so no one would find it, and-- and Elsa came and looked at it for me a few days ago and sent me pictures of the inside and it’s really nice, and I know-- I know…”

She trailed off and took a deep breath. “Um. I mean. I looked at other houses, but I kind of liked this one the most because...well. It’s out of the way, like I said, but since it’s north of town it’s only like thirty minutes from where you said your clinicals would be, and like-- I’m not saying that to, you know, make you feel obligated or anything, but just-- well, I mean, I really love you. And you just...I don’t know, I kind of thought maybe you would want it too, and it would make a lot of stuff easier on us, and if you say no I totally get it but, um-- do you think maybe you’d want to live here with me?”

Yes, he wanted to say, yes, my god, you don’t even have to ask, give me the chance to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to find you still there, let me make you breakfast every Saturday and let me start a garden out front full of only sunflowers and let this be our home for as long as it can.

Instead he swallowed hard and asked, “Are you sure about this, Anna? I...don’t know if this is a good idea.”

He had never seen her face fall so fast.

[thegazettefanfiction]

Music of My Heart (Ruki)

Wearing a black fluffy robe, (Y/n) sat on the brown sofa tapping on her white Huawei Mate 10 encased in a pink and blue marble rubber case, typing out a caption for a photo taken just moments ago. It was a picture taken by one of the roadies, where she faced the camera with the rest of the thousands of audience members. Everyone posed for the picture, each of them with a smile and a hand signs like a peace or rock on sign.

After doing a little adjustment on the filters, she logged in to Instagram and typed:

“It’s a wrap! Thank you for an unforgettable evening, Osaka! It was a wonderful way to end the Asia Tour. Tonight, I could feel your that resonated in the whole building. Listening to you sing along made my heart melt because I didn’t expect my music to reach you. I hope to visit you guys more in the future. Until we meet again! ❤️”

She typed the Japanese translation of the text below before uploading the photo on her social media accounts. As her phone kept buzzing from the notifications that informed her of the number of likes and comments the photo got, she went off to change into a new set of clothing before beginning to pack up with the others.

It was the last day of her Asia tour, where (Y/n) performed for millions of spectators. She did the final show in Kyocera Dome Osaka that evening, where she performed in front of at least 50,000 people. No words could describe how she felt; how she started from a young naïve girl who just stood and sang for her small audience, to an international star who wrote and perform her own songs in front of a larger one.

Finally came to the time when she had bid her team goodbye. After shaking hands and hugging each of them, thanking them for their hard work for making the tour a huge success, she boarded the black Honda Accord Sedan with her manager before it drove off to her hotel.

With her manager talking on the phone on her future activities, (Y/n) was scrolling through the comment section, liking the positive ones and ignoring the opposite, until one written in Japanese caught her attention.

ruki_nilduenilun Meanwhile, I’m stuck on the other side of the world and can’t go home to you and our furry babies. 😢

A loving smile stretched across (Y/n)’s face as she typed,

(username) @ruki_nilduenilun Be patient, my darling. Maybe we can celebrate our successes with a nice day out when you come home. 😊

While puffing on his e-cigarette, Ruki smiled at the comment and typed,

ruki_nilduenilun @(username) That sounds nice. Wait for me, then. 😉

Dating another artist can be a challenge, especially when both of them were equally famous and had busy schedules to accommodate their fame. But Ruki expected this the moment he asked to be (Y/n)’s partner, and look at where they are now – four years and still going strong.

He closed the Instagram app and stared at his home screen wallpaper, which was a selfie he took with her on their fourth anniversary in Akita, where they went “onsen hopping” on a beautiful Autumn when the Japanese maple leaves blended with the green landscape with their reds, yellows and oranges. It was after a nice bath they took in the outdoor onsen, and on the way back to their room, Ruki suggested to take a selfie with the beautiful scenery in the background. Right before his thumb contacted the shutter, (Y/n) decided to turn her head and peck him on the cheek, creating a nice shade of red that spread across his cheeks. It was a lovely day to celebrate their love for each other.

If one were to ask how the power couple met, they wouldn’t be hearing the typical “love at first sight” story. They met when Ruki was in search of a female singer who could do the background vocals for the band’s single “Undying”. But it wasn’t easy. One recording after another, he still wasn’t satisfied with the results and kept scouting despite the deadline. But when he heard (Y/n)’s new song “Song title”, he was enamoured by her voice. Besides the wide range of octaves and an amazing head voice, her voice was reminded him of melted rich chocolate; a sensual and beautiful tone that gave him goosebumps right when she sang the first word. He loved that voice so much that he needed it in this song. So he immediately told his manager to contact hers and send out the invitation. From there, after working with her on one song and another, every else became history.

Of course, the whole world got a huge surprise when they found out about their relationship; and do take note there was a considerably large age gap between the couple. It all started when the paparazzi caught them walking out of Gion Roiro, a high-end restaurant in the heart of Kyoto. They weren’t holding hands, and instead walked side by side each wearing a coat to protect themselves from the cool night breeze of Spring and a white face mask. Speculations were all over the internet which resulted in two sides of the argument – one side said they were dating while another said they weren’t and were merely friends (based on the number of selfies they uploaded after each recording session). Unfortunately for many fans, their hearts were broken when the band vocalist spilt the beans on their second anniversary. It was a bumpy ride for the two as they had to fight off the negative comments that flooded each other’s social media; but eventually, their relationship grew stronger with each passing time, and the comments gradually died down, albeit a few naughty ones that managed to pop out.

“We’re here,” announced the driver.

(Y/n) snapped out of her thoughts and looked up to see that they’d arrived at the Osaka Marriott Miyako Hotel. She and her manager unloaded their things before thanking the driver and entering the building. They took the elevator up to the floor where their rooms were, and each of them went to their respective rooms. By the time the door locked behind her, (Y/n) immediately hit for a warm shower, brushed her teeth, blew dry her hair, did her daily skincare routine, and finally went to bed wearing her pyjamas. Lights were dimly lit, giving the room a relaxed ambience.

Suddenly, the famous intro of Luna Sea’s “Gravity” went off in the quiet room. (Y/n) forced herself to get up and attend the call, which came from her lover. A smile flickered across her face instantly, and she picked up the call.

“Miss me?” she teased.

“Obviously,” he replied with equal playfulness. “How was the tour?”

“It was amazing!” (Y/n) walked back to her bed and sat down. “I get to learn new cultures in different countries, and even picked up bits of different languages. I ate so much that I think I’ve added an extra kilo or two!”

Ruki chuckled before saying, “I bet you did. No wonder you looked rounder in your recent pictures.”

“Hey!” she playfully whined, pouting for a short while before joining him. “Anyway, how was yours?”

After taking a puff on his e-cigarette – apparently, as she heard him release some smoke on the other line – he said, “Pretty fun, too. I’ll tell you all the stories when I get back. I need to save the best for last, you know.”

“Of course,” she responded. Afterwards, it went silent. Although she wasn’t physically there, (Y/n) could tell that he had something on his mind, and he was having second thoughts if he should say it to her. She knew better than to pry, but somewhere deep inside her heart, it might be important. So she decided to bite the bullet by blurting, “Ruki*, do you have something on your mind?”

The said man kept quiet for a while before a small smile was etched on his face. She knows me too well, he thought. “I was actually thinking about our relationship,” he confessed. “Honestly, I’ve never felt so comfortable in my life, nor did I ever think I would fall in love again. Even though we’ve been together for more than four years, I find myself falling for you all over again. Heck, I don’t know how you do it! But I’m not complaining, because every moment is a new experience for me, and I like how it made me feel young. I know I seldom profess my love for you, but I just hope that you know that I do. I really do.”

(Y/n) could feel tears welling up in her eyes, for she felt so much of genuineness from him. She knew that he wasn’t one to openly profess his love through the common phrase, “I love you.” She didn’t mind, because the things that he did showed her that he truly loved her, like taking care of her when she was sick, giving her advice and comfort she needed, or even attempt to cook something for her; it was these little things that she cherished and appreciated, and there was nothing more she could ever ask for.

“I do,” she finally responded with so much of tenderness. “And I feel the same way, my darling. Even as the wheel of time continues to turn, I will still love every part of you as we age together, until the very end.”

Ruki was about to take another puff of his e-cigarette but he paused, allowing her words to resonate inside his head. Never in his life had he ever thought such words would warm his heart. It sounded comforting, and to him, it felt like home. During the time when he was Ruki the vocalist of the GazettE, he strived to be better than how he was previously; so by the time he went to her, he could feel like he’d his best and would want to share his passion with her, to which she willingly listened. Whether it was an exciting or dull experience, or even a petty argument he had with his bandmates, she would listen and be there when he needed comfort.

“I think it’s getting late over there,” he suddenly said when he took note of the time, even though he was in Los Angeles. “I don’t wanna hog your beauty sleep any longer. Not that I’m saying you’re not beautiful, that is.”

(Y/n) laughed at the last bit. “Of course,” she said. “And I wouldn’t want to hog up your time for rehearsal.”

Smiling, he said, “Have a good night’s sleep, (Y/n).”

“And have a great day ahead,” was her response before hanging up to call it a day.

It was already 2.15 a.m., but (Y/n) found it hard to sleep, as she laid still on her bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. With so many things going through her head, there was no way she could get her beauty sleep, to quote Ruki. And these thoughts weren’t about work or so; it was about her relationship with Ruki, as well as the things he said to her just a few hours ago. She had to get these thoughts off her mind, and so, she decided to sit up. Switching on the lights, she went over to her bag and dug out a dusty rose velvet notebook and a Pilot G2 Black Gel Pen. She went over to the round table and sat on the white leather office chair, switching on the desk lamp. She opened the notebook, flipping through her handwritten lyrics, until she reached a blank page where she clicked her pen and began writing, starting with “Music of My Heart” as the title.

*I would’ve used his real name here, but I’m still not too sure if “Takanori” is the one. So just to be safe, I still used his stage name.

[nine-prcnt]

caretaker

request ; hellow there`🌸 can i request a scenario? when you as zhengting lil sister in charge take caring all yuehua boys but also take caring zhengting which make you tired but at the end of the day yuehua boys giving you a small gift as a repay for take caring all of them..i already read some of your stuffs and i love it`♡

requested by ; @hubajie

i kept this as sister bcos i think that some of the gifts would be different if it was a brother, so if you guys want me to write a brother version, i’ll happily do that c:

the past week had been mayhem

for many of the boys it had been their first time to go on a survival show and there was only so much that Zhengting and Justin could do for them

in the end you were called in

you were used to it by now, being zhengting’s younger sister, overseeing last minute rehearsals so that zhengting could practice among the sprouts

and helping each boy individually to pack, from deciding on what to bring to the actual activity of packing

finally the chaos was over and the boys had gone away, leaving you alone in your apartment

it had been a while since there was such silence around you

you collapsed on your couch, letting the exhaustion overtake you

until your eye caught a photo frame on your coffee table that wasn’t there before

after the immense struggle to get up you picked it up and looked at it

you couldn’t help but burst out laughing

justin, being a cheeky little shit he is, left you a framed photo of himself with a big red lip stain in the corner

there was a note tucked between the glass and frame

‘i had to put on a full red lip for this so be grateful y/n’

a smile crept onto your lips, thinking of the likelihood that he got to torment the boys

threatening them with kisses

you found a few more presents that night

the next one was from wenjun

you had gone to take off your jacket and put it in your coat closet

when you opened the door you noticed one of his hoodies

at first you thought that maybe you forgotten to give it back to him and shrugged it off

then you saw the note fall to the ground

‘since you keep stealing this hoodie from me, keep it while i’m away. i don’t understand why you steal my hoodies but you look cute in them so wear it a lot and use it to keep you cute and warm’

a pink flush painted your cheeks and you took the hoodie off of the hanger

next one was from you brother zhengting

he left a bag of skincare in your desk with a note

“since you’ve been needing a new one and it’s really getting cold, here is the same type of moisturizer that i use and some of my favourites facemasks to use while you watch and cheer us on!”

after that first night, you were more cautious and curious when going about your apartment in case they had hid more surprises for you

it was a week and a half later that a knock on your door came

a large bouquet of flowers, comprised of canterbury bells, flannel flowers, gladioli, irises, leucadendrons and lisianthus, along with a note

“thanks for always going the extra mile, don’t miss us too much - quanzhe”

the next one was from xinchun

it was a medium sized minion toy tucked away in your cabinet with all of your movies and your heart couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling as you thought that he knew you so well

“to keep you company while your favourites minion is away”

chengcheng’s gift or rather gifts, weren’t found too much later

you were late getting home one night and didn’t have the energy to cook for yourself so you head to the drawer with the takeout menus to order from

taped to the back of each of them is an envelope and when you look inside, there is the exact amount of your usual orders for each place

“since the way to both of our hearts is through our stomachs”

finally zeren’s gift appeared a while later

your birthday rolled around and you were going to spend the day inside and relax, maybe catch up on some tv, basically ignoring everything outside

by some chance you heard your mail being delivered and so you went to go get it

it was a small yellow envelope and lined with bubble wrap to protect the disc inside

on the outside of the case was a note

“this is originally from me, zeren but the boys wanted to throw their onto it as well”

although you were confused, you put it into your dvd player and it started quickly

“let’s make more memories when we make you proud”

it was a compilation of videos and pictures you all had taken, celebrating birthdays and just hanging out

you thought of all the small things they knew about you and told you they noticed through your presents. you didn’t know what you did in a past life that you got to be their friend now but you were just grateful for them in your life

and clearly they felt the same about you

okay this ending is so bad but i didn’t know what to do, im sorry!!

masterlist // rules // wips

[thecourtneychronicles]

“Courtney Act is perhaps Australia's most famous drag queen, but for years we've only seen one side of this talented performer.

We met Courtney on the first season of Australian Idol in 2003.

She went on to star in the hugely popular cult reality show RuPaul's Drag Race - she was runner up in 2014 - and she won Celebrity Big Brother UK last year.

Now she's on Channel 10's new reboot season of Dancing With The Stars and for the very first time, the Australian public gets to see the man behind the woman - Shane Jenek. 

Shane has been performing as Courtney Act for 19 years and along with dance partner Joshua Keefe, is part of the first same-sex dance couple to ever appear on the DWTS franchise anywhere in the world.

The pair are already sitting at the top of the scoreboard and are the hot favourites to take home the disco ball trophy.

But Courtney says she's not letting the noise get to her.

"Everyone's like 'You're going to win for sure'. And I'm like 'No don't say that'. I'm not counting all of my chickens before they've hatched," she told Now To Love.

Of course, Courtney Act is Shane's drag name. Some DWTSviewers were shocked to learn Courtney's real identity - and that Shane doesn't rehearse or go about his normal life in full costume.

"If they haven't seen me as a boy, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense," Courtney told Now To Love. It takes Shane three hours to "transform" into Courtney.

"It used to be a one hour process and when I started giving myself three hours, my look completely changed and got so much better," she said. "Someone else does my hair, but when I started giving myself the time, I'm able to be creative, rather than rubber stamping makeup on my face."

Like many beauty junkies, she doesn't have any professional makeup training but watches loads of video tutorials.

"YouTube is such a wonderful place to look at makeup and I pick up so many things watching YouTube. People can learn all the tricks of the drag trade," she said.

"I remember back in the days before the internet, we would all use this one product and someone would discover it and tell a friend. You'd have to go to a different state to buy a certain type of eyebrow wax. Now I just go on the internet and watch tutorials and every time I learn something new. “ 

Dancing With The Stars viewers will know that Courtney has a killer set of pins.Even host Amanda Keller commented on her incredibly toned legs during the premiere episode. So what's her secret to staying fit and toned?

"Dancing around in high heels has always been very helpful," Courtney said."I go to the gym and all the dance training has been amazing. We're rehearsing for four hours a day, five days a week. In July last year I decided I wanted more tits and ass, so I've been doing lots of squats, chest presses, bench presses and Bulgarian squats. All these different types of squats."

“Also to be fair, being biologically male has a lot to do with having legs that women like. Men have an unfair advantage. It's easier to build muscles and we have lower body fat.”

Courtney's skin is also incredible, for someone who spends a lot of time wearing heavy makeup .But there's no fancy $200 serum or expensive facialist behind her fabulous skin - just good, old fashioned advice.

"The best regimen starts from within. It's not just the makeup or skincare, it's the water you drink and the food that you eat," Courtney said."Drinking lots of water is the number one tip for good skin. Your body is able to detoxify a lot easier. The skin is reflective of your internal health. My other best skin tip is exfoliating. I used a scrub once a week.”

This weekend marks Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival, celebrating all members of the LGBTIQ community. One of the festival's sponsors, ANZ, has released some shocking research about what more needs to be done to support LGBTIQ inclusion around the country.

Alarmingly, 84 percent of LGBTIQ community members believe there are still parts of Australia where it is unsafe to be themselves. LGBTIQ people are still twice as likely to experience some form of harassment, discrimination or open prejudice because of their sexual orientation and 52 per cent would not open up about their sexuality with their manager at work.

"Whilst it's shocking, it's not surprising," Courtney said of the stats. She's an ambassador for ANZ and a regular fixture at Mardi Gras."As a queer person wandering around, I still don't feel comfortable in a lot of spaces and places. It's fine strolling down Oxford St [in Sydney's Darlinghurst], but even in Pitt Street, you still check yourself.

"You think 'Can I hold a person's hand right now? Can I be myself in this situation?' I think a heterosexual couple probably wouldn't need to think about that stuff at all. It's something a lot of queer people have just gotten used to."For trans people, every single day when they walk out the door, they get looks and confusion from people they come into contact with. You're justifying your existence to people." 

That's why it's so important to have people like Courtney on a prime time show like Dancing With The Stars. "Any time diversity, whether that be race or gender or sexuality, any minority group is show on Australian TV, that's a win," Courtney said.

"We're not great at diversity so it's great to showcase stuff like that. You get to learn something about someone who is different from you."

As for Courtney's sexuality? "I take it however it comes, as long as it comes," she joked. "I'm attracted to all genders, but the majority of my attraction and relations have been with men. "I have dated people as Shane and as Courtney. If I meet someone as Courtney, if we start dating ongoing it's as Shane.”

"I had an ex-boyfriend who identified as straight and had never been with a person with a penis before and we met when I was Courtney. He was a 'try anything twice' kind of guy and we ended up dating for six months as Shane."   Dancing With The Stars airs on Monday nights at 7:30pm on Channel 10.

Courtney’s interview with Now To Love - February 25, 2019

[50shadesof-kpop]

Bang Bang Bang - PART 2

Prologue - Part 1 - Part 2

Pairing: Bobby x Reader (Feat. B.I & Chanwoo)

Genre: Smut, Angst

Word Count:  5.1k

Warnings: Cheating, choking, orgasm denial, punishment... this is pretty angsty, guys.

[GIF credit: drawien]

[A/N] this took a while for us to finish, but we are pretty excited with how it turned out. We hope you guys like this part as much as we do! Also, we apoligize in advance ^^

I tied my hair in a high ponytail and sat in front of my mirror. Deciding on a natural look, I started by moisturizing my face properly and proceeded to blend the foundation with my skin. Skincare had always been an important part of my daily routine even before moving to Korea. I had always been the type to take really good care of myself, which is part of the reason why my parents allowed me to move to Korea for an internship. That’s how I got to meet Bobby for the first time, and we immediately clicked. He was funny and outgoing, while I was more reserved and easily shied away from uncomfortable situations. He made me feel at ease, and I grew to really like spending time with him.

I applied a neutral but slightly sparkling golden eyeshadow that complimented my skin perfectly. Right when I picked up the blush, the song I was listening too ended and another one followed right after. As much as I loved the song, that wasn’t the mood I was in now. I picked up my phone to skip it and set a playlist, and I took the opportunity to text Bobby.

-          Give my name at the front desk. I don’t want to wait for you there.

His answer came a few seconds after, lighting up my phone with his simple words:

-          Don’t worry

After adding just a bit of highlight and a simple lipstick, I dressed up in a tight, dark grey dress that was short enough to have Bobby second glance, but not so short that it became indecent. I hesitated between heels and my favorite pair of black Air Force 1s but decided on the later to complete the look since I knew Bobby liked my hip-hop looks more than he liked my cute looks.

It had been about three weeks since we last saw each other. We rarely spent that much time apart but his schedule filled up unexpectedly, as his company decided to wrap up iKON’s album earlier than they had planned. On the few occasions he had texted me, neither of us mentioned what had happened last time and even when I hinted it, tried to tell him I wanted to do it again, he always found ways to avoid it. It got me thinking he was uncomfortable with the idea, but again, he had built this situation from scratches, all by himself, and it confused me how he expected me to act like it had never happened.

I smiled shyly at the receptionist when I walked into the building.

“Hi, I’m here to see Bobby.”

“Yes, he told me to let you in. He’s in the studio down the hall.” He smiled back and I nodded politely at the middle-aged man sitting behind the desk. I had been here a few times before, but the YG buildings were always intimidating, to say the least. Backlit posters of all their artists hung up the walls, the color scheme was somber and chick and I felt like I didn’t fit in at all. I walked fast to the last studio, quickly getting inside and closing the door behind me. Only inside did I notice all the people in the room. Sound engineers and producers turned around to look at me awkwardly standing at the door. That was what I meant by uncomfortable situations. I bowed to them and stuttered with my words.

“Hello, I’m Bobby’s friend. I was told he would be in here, huh… Hi,” I bowed again and realized I was being ridiculous when a few of them chuckled at me.

“Come in,” one of them said to me. “He’s recording right now.” I felt stupid for not noticing he was standing right across the glass, behind the mic. He moved away from it for a second and smirked at me, and I smiled back.

“Give me a second,” his voice resonated in the room, and he told the man at the board to play the music. He delivered his lines confidently as always. He always looked so focused and passionate when he was working on music. That was something I admired about him. It was crazy how talented he was, but how down to earth he always stayed.

After easily recording a verse he asked for a break. He walked out of the recording booth and into the room, only to motion for me to step out in the hall for a second. When he made sure we were out of sight, he raised his hands to my waist, slowly pushing me into the wall.

“Hey Baby,” he said against my lips, and I leaned forward to peck his own, smiling against him.

“That was awkward, I’m sorry.”

“It was fine, don’t worry. You look good today. Your earrings are pretty,” he complimented, referring to the diamond studs he had offered me. “And I like this dress.” He tugged on the material of it slightly, looking down at my body. I was happy with my choice too, knowing it was as flattering as it was comfortable.  When he looked back up at me I grabbed his face and pulled him closer, kissing him deeply. I let my tongue slip between his lips for a brief moment before he pulled away.

“I should be done in about half an hour, and we can go to your place. The girls are practicing downstairs, you should go check them.” I nodded at his suggestion, and he quickly pressed a kiss to my neck before letting go of me and stepping back.

“You sounded good back there.” Although I knew he probably heard that a lot, I still felt the need to tell him. He chuckled and looked down shyly, and I thought he looked adorable.

“Thank you, Babygirl. See you later.”

I smiled and walked away from him and down the stairs to the dance room. I could see the girls from Blackpink through the door window and stepped in to find them rehearsing the choreography to their new song. Along with Jennie, Lisa, Jisoo, and Rosé, Donghyuk, Yunhyeong and B.I were all sitting on a bench by the mirror, watching them. No one noticed me for a while until the song ended and I clapped at the girls. As always they looked flawless, and I was impressed by how in sink their moves were.

“It’s been forever!” Rosé was the first to speak up, coming over to me to hug me. “Where have you been?”

“Busy, I guess. You guys look so good. Congrats on your new release!”

“Thank you. Come in! Go sit with the boys,” she said smiling, and my eyes locked with Hanbin when I turned to look at them. He watched me intently and anyone else wouldn’t have noticed the slight smirk that appeared on his lips as I walked towards them.

“What’s up?” Yunhyeong asked when I reached him

“Not much, what’s up with you guys?”  While I walked to sit next to B.I, he told me about their upcoming comeback and how everyone had recorded most of their parts and should be going overseas for a while to shoot the music videos.

I sat on the bench at Hanbin’s left and as soon as I crossed my legs, he slipped his hand to my lower back, moving just a bit closer to me. No one noticed since they kept talking about how excited they were for their respective comebacks, but the move made me smile. I leaned in closer to him to whisper in his ear.

“Daddy…”

I felt his body tense against me and I couldn’t help but lean slightly against him. He looked around for a second, making sure no one noticed how close we were, and he sneaked his arm around my waist.  He whispered to me.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright.”

“You look good today.”

“Thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself,” was all I answered. It felt like we were running around the bush, both trying to get the conversation to where we really wanted it to be but no one wanting to cross that line just yet.

The small talk was somehow building on some tension, and I’m sure we both felt it. Hanbin was looking at the girls who had resumed dancing, but he looked out of it. He shifted in his sit a couple of times until he asked:

“Should we get out?”

Yes. That’s what I wanted to answer. Yes Daddy, get me out of here and fuck me exactly like you did last time.  But I couldn’t say that. I knew Bobby would be ready anytime soon and I couldn’t just leave the building with Hanbin. Or worst, I couldn’t get caught pressed against a wall, naked in a small room.

I actually felt a little embarrassed that just a few words from Hanbin could make me so eager. It made sense, considering I had felt him inside me, I had tasted him, I had seen him cum. But he had always seen me as Bobby’s cute, innocent friend. Until last time.

I shook the thoughts off and moved away from him. He looked into my eyes, then at my lips and back up, and for a second I thought I’d give in.

“We can’t do that,” I said as low as I could, hoping he wouldn’t notice how much I wanted to kiss him right then and there.

“Of course we can,” he whispered and leaned against me again. I got up, knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist if he got any closer.

“I have to meet Bobby upstairs” I turned around and smiled at the girls who were dancing, walking away. When I reached the door, I waved at Donghyuk and Yunhyeong and walked out without glancing at B.I.

I walked up the stairs and down the hallway slowly, breathing in deeply. I knew Bobby was probably not done, but I really needed to get out of the room before things got out of control. I walked past a couple of empty rooms, heading for Bobby’s studio. I was planning on sitting there and drooling over how hot he looked behind his mic, dropping bomb ass lines. Before I reached it, someone called my name behind me and I immediately knew who it was.

“Chanwoo, hi,” I turned and smiled at him as he walked up to me. He looked even better than I remembered, and it had only been a few weeks. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me when he reached me. It was so spontaneous, so much like him. I hugged him back, then pulled away. “What are you doing here?” He smiled down at me and I thought I would melt.

“Just went to say hi to the girls downstairs and I was heading for Bobby’s studio.”

“He’s still recording, I think.” Chanwoo cocked his head to the side slightly as he said that, and I didn’t know what to answer him. He looked so innocent and cute. “Come with me, he’s not ready yet.”

How could I say no to that? He took my hand and led me to an empty studio. The lights were on and there were papers scattered on the console.

“Are you working on something?” I asked as I watched him sit on the couch across the room.

“Hanbin wrote a couple of songs for me, just trying to figure them out.”

I walked up to the console and looked over the songs. I had no idea what the notes meant, I knew nothing about melodies or hooks or whatever. I just absentmindedly fiddled with the papers. There were so many of them. It struck me how many songs Hanbin worked on, and how determined Chanwoo was for working on so many of them at the same time, while the others were on a break. I suppose I got lost in my thoughts because he cleared his throat and I turned to look at him. He motioned for me to come next to him, which I did. I stood right in front of his sitting figure as he looked up at me. He reached for both my hands and pulled me closer until I was straddling him. He didn’t say a word, but he looked down at my dress which was slowly riding up my thighs.

“Baby…” I protested weakly, but he yanked on hands. Before I knew it, my legs were on either side of his and I sat on his lap as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Chanwoo pulled my dress up just a bit so it barely covered my ass. Any thoughts I had right then vanished as soon as he drew his fingers up my bare thighs. I pressed my lips against his and he moved his hands up, higher, until he reached my hips. He kissed me back, hard, and soon enough his tongue slipped through my lips. The feeling was out of this world. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, I knew I had rejected Hanbin just a few minutes before, but for some reason, I couldn’t say no to Chanwoo. Not when he looked at me like he did, not when he was pressing me down on his lap.

I felt the heat rushing to my head. I wanted more and he could probably tell; he grabbed my ass cheeks with both hands and squeezed them hard. He pulled away from the kiss only to attach his lips to my neck. He bit and sucked on my collarbone, and I reached up to grab his hair.

“Baby,” I breathed as I grabbed his face with both of my hands to bring him back to face me.

I was kissing him deep and I was grinding against his crotch when the door flew open. It took me a second to realize it, and when I did I immediately jumped off of Chanwoo and pulled my dress down.

What were the odds of getting caught in that room? And on top of that, what were the odds of getting caught by Bobby? He stood right at the door, and all I wanted was for the ground to swallow me. If looks could kill, I would have been dead by now. He stared at me for what felt like hours when it was really seconds. He said nothing, not a word. He didn’t even glance at Chanwoo. He looked straight at me, and then he turned on his heels and walked away.

“Fuck,” I mumbled to myself as I ran after him.

Only in the car did I see my reflection. My hair stuck to my forehead around the edges, my lipstick was smudged. I didn’t know what to say to Jiwon, and he said nothing either. The 15-minute ride was the longest it could have been.

I was pretty sure I didn’t spend that much time with Chanwoo. But then again, I could have lost track of time with his firm body holding me tight, his hair feeling soft between my fingers, his teeth scraping the skin of my neck. I shook the thoughts off, dreading Bobby’s reaction. I expected him to yell at me, telling me how had told me not to mingle with his friends, how mad he was at me. But he said nothing, and the silence was killing me.

When we got to my building, he turned off the contact and got out of the car before I could do or say anything. To say he was angry would be an understatement. I expected him to drop me off and leave, but he didn’t. He didn’t wait for me like he usually did, and he simply strode past through the main hall as I paced behind him. I reached him right in front of my door, which I opened as fast as I could.

As soon as I stepped inside, Jiwon grabbed my arm and pushed me against the first wall. He was furious. He looked at me with nothing but rage and disgust, and I knew I had messed up, big time.

I knew he didn’t want me to do anything with his friends. Despite what had happened last time, he clearly told me he didn’t want it to happen again. I felt like I didn’t need his permission, after all, we weren’t dating or anything. But right at this moment, as he pressed his hand against my throat, I felt terrible for ever deceiving him.

He spoke to me slowly, his voice so low I could barely hear him.

“What the fuck made you think that was okay?” was all he said before he kissed me unexpectedly. I pulled away fast, too fast. He was lightly choking me, and the few seconds felt way more intense than any other kiss we had had before.

Breathing heavily, I reached up to his hand to loosen his grip on my neck, which he did. He put both hands around my face and looked at me intently. He then moved away and pulled me by the hand to my bedroom, before throwing me on the bed.

I had never been manhandled like that before, especially not by him. But I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I had seen him mad before, and he was never the type to let things get out of control.  He was also always careful around me. I honestly wasn’t scared, only disappointed in myself.

After removing both of my shoes and throwing them across the room, he moved up the bed and on top of me. I waited for his next move as he hovered over me. His lips just came crashing hard against mine, and by the way he kissed me I immediately understood he was going to take his frustration out on me.

His kisses were wet and sloppy, totally different from his usual slow and sensual kisses. I tried my best to soothe him by rubbing his neck and shoulders, but it didn’t seem to work at all. Soon enough he moved away from my face and he moved down my body. In a couple of quick moves, he lifted my dress up so it wrapped around my waist,  and pulled my panties down. Without warning, I felt his warm breath against my core, and I thought I  would combust right then and there.

“I hate how wet you are,” he breathed against me. I hadn’t realized how hot and bothered Chanwoo had gotten me. And I hadn’t realized how much I needed Bobby to touch me until he did.

He ever so slowly placed the tip of his tongue right on my clit and flicked it once, twice, three times before I was squirming under him. I needed more, and it killed me that I couldn’t stay still. I wanted to be as submissive as I could be, as a way to maybe redeem myself. That being said, I wasn’t used him going down on me like that. And he was so good at it. He ran his tongue from my hole all the way up to my clit a few times, before settling on the bud and sucking hard on it. I rubbed his head as a sign of gratitude and struggled to tone my moans down. I could hear how wet I was and it turned me on even more that he was being so careless while eating me out.

He was restless as he kissed my lips and bit my inner thighs, before returning to the bundle of nerves and toying with it even more.

I soon felt my walls start to clench and heat built in the pit of my stomach. As if on cue, Jiwon pushed a finger inside of me, then added a second, and pumped them fast and hard against my sweet spot. He did it over and over, in sync with his lips sucking on my clit, and I got close, so fucking close to coming. And he pulled away.

My breath got stuck in my throat, and my first reflex was to try to squeeze my thighs together to get the release I was so close to getting. But Bobby didn’t allow me to. Before I could even attempt to move, he pushed my knees further apart and positioned himself back between my legs, crawling back up to me. I was breathing so heavily and my face felt so warm when he reached my lips, which he quickly pecked.

I sneaked my hands between our bodies reaching for his crotch, only to find him rock hard. I did my best to unbuckle his belt and open up his jeans while he bit and sucked on my jaw. His movements felt rough against my body, but deliberately slow at the same time. He bit down on my neck as if he was claiming me as if that was the only way he knew to mark me as his.

As I fiddled with his pants and rubbed against his shaft in an attempt to please him, he growled against my ear and a chill ran through my body. He sounded so ready, so needy, and I wouldn’t be able to name the feeling I got realizing I had gotten him that worked up.

When his pants were halfway down his thighs, he yanked my hands away. He lined himself with my core, and without notice, he entered me slowly. I gasped as he bottomed out, and was grateful that he stayed still for a second before pulling out completely.

He pushed himself off of me only to pull my hips down, closer to his own. Lifting both of my thighs up, he stared down at me for what felt like forever. His eyebrows scrunched, heavily breathing, sweat dripping down the sides of his face, he was gorgeous. Right at this moment, he was all I wanted. I wanted him close, I wanted to feel his body against mine, his lips against my lips, his cock inside me.

I realized he was not going to give me the intimacy I wanted when he rammed his hips against mine, dick stretching me over again. But this time he did not stop. He slammed his hips into mine over and over again, hard, holding onto my thighs for leverage. I could only mumble out his name as he continued to fuck in and out of me. The angle allowed him to rub against my g-spot with every single thrust. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and my back arched involuntarily, and he would have usually seized to occasion to grab my boobs and soothe my aching nipples. But he didn’t. His fingers dug into my skin, and the stretch of his cock inside of me was the perfect amount a pain and pleasure I needed.

He let out another deep growl and my walls clenched around his shaft, hard.

Just when they did, he pulled out of me. He let go of my legs only for his hands to find my chin and force me to look up at him. The once again stolen orgasm made me feel so weak as his eyes burned into mine. Tension could be cut with a knife in the room.

With a low hum, Bobby shifted on the bed and in a second, he had me laying on my stomach. He pulled my hips up slightly. I clenched my fists on the bed sheets when he slapped my right ass cheek, before entering me from behind. With my chest pressed down on the bed, he held on to my hips and thrust his erection into me. And again. A couple of thrusts were enough for me to feel the heat build up again, even stronger now, in the pit of my stomach. My moans got louder and louder, and Bobby did not stop. Not until my moans transformed into desperate cries, and I let go of the bed sheets to sneak a hand between my legs and push me right over the edge. That’s when he stopped.

I couldn’t believe for a second that he didn’t know how close I was to cumming. The growl that came out of my throat warned him of that. He did not seem to care, though. He spanked me once again, and the sting resonated through my whole body. He had gotten me so sensitive, so desperate that I would have done anything to cum right then and there. And he just rubbed his cock against my wetness a couple of times, until I was pushing my hips into his. He gave in to my insistence by entering me once again. I found myself meeting every single one of his hip thrusts and we set this beautiful rhythm of skin slapping and moans and grunts. I could only see him from the corner of my eyes as I lied face down on the bed. But from what I could see, he was just as worked up as I was.

He wrapped one hand around my hair and pulled on it, while his other hand rested on my ass.

“Stop moving,” was all he breathed out to me, and the tone only made me stop rubbing myself against him.

“Daddy…” I pleaded. I just hoped for him to go harder. That was all I needed. Just one more thrust was all I needed to get my sweet release. But that thrust never came, and I couldn’t take it.

I turned around harshly, pushing him off me. He tried to hold on to my arm, but I pulled out of his hold and shifted away.

“Get the fuck off of me, Bobby” I practically spat the words at him while I got off the bed. My legs felt so weak, my whole body was trembling from the surge of emotions that rushed to my head when it became clear that he had absolutely no intention to let me cum.

“Baby” he called out when I made my way to my adjacent bathroom, practically stumbling from the tension in my body.

I turned around to give him a quick look, only to find him dumbfounded by this mess he had created. He had never seen me mad, I was always pretty cheerful around him. But right at this moment, I couldn’t care less.

“You’re an asshole. Honestly. Why the fuck are you doing this to me? Why are you acting so childish? You can’t talk to me? You have to hurt me? What the fuck, Bobby?” The words came out with no filter, and I just felt like I was going to explode.

I walked into the bathroom as fast as I could, on the verge of tears, slamming the door behind me.

I should have known. From the moment he went down on me. From how quiet he was the whole time. From how harsh he was being. It was so obvious he was punishing me, and I absolutely hated it. A sob escaped my lips, and I realized just how much it hurt to be punished by Jiwon.

My muscles ached all over. I crumbled down to the floor against the door and just let all my tears out. I didn’t know what to do with myself, it felt like nothing could soothe me in any way. The frustration and omnipresent need for release was nothing compared to knowing how much I must have had deceived him for him to punish me like that.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, I felt so disappointed, so disgusted with myself. I felt like a whore, a playtoy Bobby only used to get himself off and would send over to fuck his friends when he was feeling like it, and that was the worst thing about this situation. He didn’t care about me or about my feelings. Right there, ugly crying by myself for what felt like forever, I was sure of that.

It took me a while to calm down and get up. I walked over to the sink and only after looking at the mirror did I realize he hadn’t even bothered to take my dress off. After turning on the shower, I undressed completely. Standing under the shower always helped soothe my body and my mind.

I knew Bobby. We had been doing this fuckbuddy thing for so long now, and we had been friends for so much longer. He wasn’t the type to rush through sex, not even undressing properly. He would have never let himself hurt me like he did if catching me with Chanwoo didn’t mean that much to him. This probably didn’t even have anything to do with Chanwoo, and everything to do with him and me.

It was hard for me to try to fathom his feelings towards me, but his reaction was a clear sign that this thing between us was stronger than I thought it was. And, to be honest, that scared me beyond words. I could barely admit it to myself, let alone to him. I figured he’d have probably gone home by now, and I was relieved I wouldn’t have to face him tonight. I didn’t know what to tell him, or what I wanted him to tell me. I felt conflicted, not really knowing what to expect from our relationship after tonight. Yeah, I had clearly messed up. I knew that. But him being this angry at me and punishing me to this extent was never something I would have expected from him.

Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe this orgasm-denial thing didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me. He might have done it just to tease me. Hell, maybe he really hadn’t done it on purpose.

But that wasn’t Jiwon. He knew everything there was to know about me and my body, he was deliberately punishing me and that hurt.

My heart broke a little thinking just how angry he must have felt to let it get far enough to hurt me. I never would’ve thought I’d feel this way about Bobby and it was hard to admit that to myself. Thoughts crashed and collided in my mind, as I tried to make sense of all my feelings.

I have no idea how much time I spent in the bathroom, but it felt like a long time. Still, when I came out, I found Jiwon resting against my headboard, shirtless, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone.  

[noona-clock]

A Cappella - A Got7 Scenario

As requested by a sweet anon! I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the gifs used in this post.

-Admin B

You stood backstage with your A Capella group, The Rolling Tones, taking deep breaths and trying to calm your nerves. After months of training and rehearsing, the day of the big competition had finally arrived. 

The second you’d found out a mystery K-Pop group were going to be the judges, you and the rest of your team had decided to sing a mash-up of a few different popular K-Pop songs. After much debate, you’d settled on ‘Not Today’ by BTS, ‘Don’t Recall’ by KARD, and ‘Never Ever’ by Got7. You had really rallied for ‘Never Ever’ because Got7 was your absolute favorite group. You basically refused to sing a K-Pop mashup without one of their songs, and since you were the group’s assistant captain... Well, you got your way most of the time.

 “I think the judges are about to walk out,” one of your group mates mused, her voice lowered to a whisper as she came to stand next to you. You inhaled deeply, biting your lip as you fixed your gaze at the long table in front of the stage where these mystery judges would sit. Most likely it would be a more obscure group that really had nothing better to do than judge an amateur a cappella group singing competition, but still. It was exciting all the same!

Just then, a voice came over the loudspeaker in the auditorium, causing you to jump a little. You’d been focusing too much on thinking about the judges, the sudden loud noise had startled you.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” the announcer cried. “Welcome to the 5th annual A Cappella Singing Competition! Please give a warm welcome to our very special judges this year... Got7!”

Your heart stopped, but you figured you had simply heard incorrectly. The announcer couldn’t have said ‘Got7′...right? There’s no way. But then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw a group of guys walking toward the judging table; you heard the cheers and claps coming from the audience; you heard the squeals coming from the singers backstage. And then the group of guys turned into... JB. Mark. Jackson. Jinyoung. Youngjae. BamBam. Yugyeom.

Holy. Shit.

If you hadn’t been nervous enough before... Now you were going to sing one of Got7′s songs... IN FRONT OF GOT7! It was enough to make you hyperventilate, but that would just be unprofessional. So you turned away, thinking you’d have a lesser chance of passing out if you couldn’t see them. (Yes, this logic would not hold up when it was time to actually perform, but, SHHHHHHH.)

Once the seven gods - erm, I mean, guys - took their seats, the competition officially began. The first group, Tonal Eclipse of the Heart, took the stage and began singing an 80′s mashup. They were pretty good, if not a bit pitchy, but Got7 didn’t seem vastly impressed. 

A few more groups went before yours - Scale of Rock with their classic rock mashup, The Tone Commandments with their gospel mashup, Get Pitch or Die Tryin’ with their hiphop/rap mashup (which Got7 really seemed to enjoy, darn it), and Glee for Vendetta with their Hamilton mashup. When it was time for The Rolling Tones to take the stage, you honestly felt like you were about to vomit.

As you walked to your spot, you regretted insisting on being in the front row; had you known you would be facing your ultimate bias K-Pop group... Well, you probably still would’ve wanted to be up front. Let’s not lie to ourselves. 

The background singers began harmonizing the music for ‘Not Today,’ and you glanced at the judge’s table to see their reactions; they all looked pretty pleased, which helped ease your nerves a little. But then it was time to sing actual words. Time to focus, and time to shine.

Things started off swimmingly: no one forgot the lyrics, the background singers were on point, and the transition from ‘Not Today’ to ‘Don’t Recall’ was as smooth as Got7′s skin. (Okay, seriously, their skin was truly ethereal. Would it be weird if you asked them what their skincare routines were? Yes?) And if the first section of your mashup went well, the second part went truly superbly.

Finally, it was time to end the mashup with ‘Never Ever.’ You were hoping for some sort of response from Got7 other than smiles and nods, and when your group began with singing the chorus... You heard whoops and claps. But not from the audience. A quick glance informed you that BamBam was dabbing, Yugyeom was grooving in his seat, and Jackson was practically squealing with delight. Your lips pulled into a huge smile as you sang, and you decided right there you didn’t care about winning. Because, in that moment, with those responses, you just had. 

When you sang the final notes and struck your final poses, all seven boys stood and applauded; you could almost hear the collective groan from the other groups backstage. They knew you’d taken the top spot, and they were kicking themselves for not thinking of doing K-Pop songs!

After two more groups performed, it was decision time. Got7 had murmured to each other for about five minutes before JB handed an envelope to the announcer who was now standing on stage.

Third place went to Glee for Vendetta who gladly accepted; they had placed last in the competition last year, so third place was like winning the lottery to them. Second place went to Get Pitch or Die Tryin’, their captain a bit more glum than the last as she took their small, silver trophy. 

“And, finally, in first place we have...” Your whole group stood backstage with their fingers’ crossed, eyes shut tight as they whispered pleading prayers. “...THE ROLLING TONES!”

Everyone in your group jumped at the same time, letting out excited screeches and running onto the stage to accept your trophy. You stood by your captain as she made her thank-you speech, and you didn’t notice the judges had come on stage until you felt a hand come to rest in-between your shoulder blades. You shifted your gaze to learn the hand’s owner, your eyes widening when you saw it belonged to JB. And... not only was he touching you, he was looking at you. And smiling. BUT THEN you felt another hand come to rest on your shoulder, your head turning immediately. Jinyoung was now standing on the other side of you, smiling and congratulating you on your group’s win.

“Th-thank you,” you stuttered before looking back at JB. And then back at Jinyoung. And then back at JB again. Honestly, what were you supposed to do?!

All of a sudden, as you stared at JB, you felt the words tumbling out of your mouth. “What skincare products do you use?”

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

[med-blahg]

2017: Year in Review pt. 1/??

After compiling most of the notable pictures of the year and hoping to make a nice twitter thread as is the bandwagon, I’ve decided to do this year-end reflection survey instead, since a) I was a bit too lazy to organize my thoughts, and b) surveys!!! This was the shit back in the multiply days.

What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

I’m going to cheat on this a bit because two events came to mind.

TRP - Two-peat Championship! Once again, batch 2020 proved itself legendary. TRP chorale season was extra memorable this year because I ran for the position of Music Head. Fed, my predecessor, warned me that scheduling rehearsals was especially a logistical nightmare, with last year’s different schedules for Blocks A and B. What more for LU5′s eight blocks, right?

I think there were three main challenges we had to go through for this to happen. The first was the very beginning -- the creation of the song itself. There was an added pressure since our piece last year was deemed the best, and even the same composer and arranger had a difficult time creating one for our last chance to grace the stage. We had two nights of brainstorming at Fed’s place (with free Angel’s pizza... and an out-of-post PER ICC huhu).

As far as I remember, he was already on his fifth or so attempt to make a song as the first ones garnered negative reviews. It was hard to get inspiration unlike last year where he was just especially moved after a lecture in Ther. In his words, pigang piga na siya. We were also having creative differences which really hindered us from making any real progress. Fortunately, on the second night, we finally overcame this with a switch to major chords and a great concept from James, giving birth to our wonderful chorus with the lines,

Bawat segundong nilaan, bawat hirap nalampasan,

Katumbas ng buhay na maliligtas.

...which tied very well with the theme, Orasa: Ang Dakilang Maestro.

The second challenge was actually a personal one. I got a taste of this logistical nightmare that Fed spoke of. It was particularly nerve-wracking especially for an irresponsible person like me, who has always clung to the clutch life. Getting venues for rehearsals was the main problem for this. Our choices were limited (MSU, Paz Men, Student Lounge, Tipunan) and in high demand, because many groups had to rehearse for TRP. It was my first time to attempt reserving a Paz Men room, which was surprisingly a lot of work -- needing to go to the Dean’s Office to check the availability of the rooms, go all the way up to the eighth floor of PGH to get it approved, go to the Cashier’s Office in OUR, and then go back to the Dean’s Office for them to confirm the payment, and then finally to Paz Men to submit the permit. But wait, there’s more! It actually cost a lot of money, which was the worst part, for me. #WeNeedSpace !!! I used my own money, which I was going to reimburse, but then we won, so... yeah, my treat then. (No one knew anyway heheh.) After all that, Paz Men obviously got scrapped from possible venues. I then had to coordinate with the MSC and MedChoir to get the free ones, being careful not to affect the batch dance schedule as much as possible.

You can then imagine getting all that work done, albeit very crammed which was entirely my fault, and then getting a poor turnout for rehearsals with just mere weeks before the competition (oh and that stupid ASEAN week which took more precious time away), to be quite disappointing, to say the least. The schedules of the different blocks and other TRP practices just couldn’t fit. This leads us to the third problem, which was to get the class motivated. This was my first reason for running to head the whole thing anyway -- I really just wanted to get the class together and to sing their hearts out once again! Thankfully, with a few motivational messages from me and our conductor, Joker, that I’m sure every one in the batch admired and respected, the attendance started going up, with one week to go.

My babies. (Sorry for the distorted faces.)

One of the final practices in particular really just transformed the song. I asked the class to do a simple exercise of singing to each other. They had to stand in a circle so they could look at each other’s faces. It was funny and awkward at first, but it was the first time I heard the piece sung with heart, and I knew they felt it too!

There were some issues with the final scoring during the competition itself, and I honestly wasn’t quite sure how to take it. But seeing how my batchmates rejoiced and hearing the audience do the winner clap (THIS IS LEGIT THOUGH HEHE) made me feel like we really deserved the win. Very grateful for the talented and hardworking music team and my bibo batchmates!

Abendlied: An Evening of Songs for the Benefit of Patients with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus -- our year-end concert for A.Y. 2016-2018. It was my first time to sing for a benefit concert. We took this opportunity not only to share our love for choral music, but also to spread awareness of SLE, a rather common condition found in PGH. I was very proud of how big this event has gotten -- thanks to sponsored boosts and our first time to get media partners (and, admittedly, our high ticket prices), we were able to procure a few hundred thousands, a part of which was donated to the PGH Lupus Club.

UP MedChoir always has a lot of major and minor events like these, but I’d choose this to share to my grandkids because in this concert, I really felt that I was blessed with talent that could help others. (Oh, which just reminded me of something, haha. Maybe it’ll get featured later, or in some other post.)

If you had to describe your 2017 in 3 words, what would they be?

Mistakes, lessons, cycle. I repeatedly did a shit ton of mistakes this year, with repercussions not only for me, but regrettably to the people around me. This came with the responsibilities I chose to accept this year. But heck, I’m proud of myself for accepting and embracing these new roles. I was brave enough to challenge myself. #characterdevelopment

What new things did you discover about yourself?

Oh, man. Haha. One of the things I discovered was that I am quite quick to forgive and forget. And then one day, some stimulus will come that will take me all the way back to when it hurt. A lot. Many of the tears shed this year were still in relation to the past aches of 2016.

What single achievement are you most proud of?

I am proud of always finding reasons to stay.

For one, there was a time when I really, really wanted to quit MedChoir. I felt that it was taking too much of my time and energy, and was also taking a toll on my mental health. There were many days with triggers, days where I just couldn’t manage to perform well, days where I was always on the brink of crying during rehearsals. It’s not supposed to be that way, I thought. There has to be another reason of staying besides the fact that I was needed. But then I saw some post saying that continuous pressure can make you hate doing the things you love. I have forgotten what turned me around during this time -- probably my friends, or taking a step back to appreciate the music like I once did. Or just the energy that we get from each other. Whatever it was, I’m glad I stayed.

I’m also proud of myself for staying in med school. Not that I actually have the choice to leave anyway, what with the millions my family would have to pay. But the thing is, I actually want to stay now. (Well, most of the time.) I’ve always feared that maybe the doctor life isn’t for me, but this ICC year has proven otherwise. Although a big factor of this is that we’re still babies in the hospital, the mere baby steps of actually enjoying interviewing, examining, and just getting to know patients was life-changing for me.

What was the best news you received?

I can think of two off the top of my head. The first, that one of our Christmas gigs got us an unexpected @@ thousand pesos (so that was around @@ thousand per song... what???), and the second was the news that one of my aunts was going to adopt a baby. This has some MMK style plot behind it, by the way -- politics, cheating, and whatnot. It didn’t push through, though. I hope that baby lives well.

What was your favourite place that you visited in 2017?

South Korea, no question!!!

1) Day 4 - The Garden of the Morning Calm. This day was my favorite. Our morning was spent in the astoundingly beautiful Nami Island. Picturesque. Trees, nature, ...and a very ideal place for dating, haha! For all ages pa. We saw couples young and old, holding hands while walking. This was where we made a pact that we’ll go back to Korea when we all got our own SO’s. That night we went to The Garden of the Morning Calm, where I thought the expanse of land decorated with lights just wouldn’t end! It really seemed like a different world back there.

2) Day 2 - Palace hopping! We went to the Gyeongbokgung and Changdeokgung Palaces. We joined the free English guided tour of the places and learned a lot. We even joked about making it like an SGD, like the bibo kids we are, hungry for learning. Haha! Photo (c) Bana

3) Day 1 - My travel buddies, Bana and Reg. For our first day, we walked around the makeup and skincare heaven that is Myeongdong and ate a lot of oh so glorious streetfood.

4) Day 3 - We went to the Namsan Tower to cap off the day... Featuring the toilet that got away.

I’m so so so glad this trip pushed through, na nakaldkad ako nina Bana and Reg to this land! I wasn’t even a hardcore Kdrama fan and I think I was initially invited just because Gio was supposed to go as well, haha. But these two welcomed me to their group, and it was such a beautiful experience! Lots of walking, sites, damn Korean couples, and food!!!!!!!!!!! These pictures are just a preview of the places we’ve been to, and the photoshoots we have so shamelessly done. Here’s our itinerary from Bana’s blog, and photos from Bana’s album, and my album!

Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

I honestly don’t know, haha. Whenever I’m asked about my strengths, I tend to think of my weaknesses instead. For this, maybe the best answer is my openness to try new things. Or just that I really tend to appreciate some people and experiences in my life. I’m in no way consistent in any of these qualities, but during the occasions that I am such, I could really feel the difference.

Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

This constant used to be Gio. After he left, I can’t say that I really have that single go-to person. Nevertheless, I could often rely on #clingy2020 and our thorough SGD’s whenever we’re going through a rough patch. I will specially mention my beshie Ian, who could always make me have a good laugh and at the same time discuss the not-so-lighter things in life.

Okay, I didn’t expect this post to be this long haha. I haven’t even gone through half of the questions yet! I guess I’ll do this in parts instead. Next year na yung iba. (He he he.)