#then we’d have a conversation about it and if I went I’d make a damn solid effort to enjoy their enjoyment

[bisexual-nightmare]

The more I go to shows alone the more I think people should also do that thing if they’re able. Seriously. Part of it’s my anxiety, I know, but if I ask someone to go with me to something I spend a lot of energy tuned into them and trying to constantly gauge whether or not they’re enjoying it.

But going alone? Yeah, there’s the initial awkward (I don’t know how to exist in spaces very well, it’s a self worth issue, I’m working on it) but when the show starts - I can be immersed in it. Because I’m not worrying about my seat mate, because there isn’t one.

And it’s so freeing.

the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.

[marauder-misprint]

Checked box

Sirius Black x Potter!reader

13k words

cw: fluff, little bit of snogging, pinning, hurt/comfort (I guess?)

“Black is snogging Eloise Garner in the corridor,” Mary says as she sits down for breakfast at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall.

“Bit early for a snog, isn’t it?” you ask, not looking up from your paper.

“I’d say so,” she responds, pouring herself a cup of tea.

“Isn’t that like the third girl this week?” Lily asks.

“Feels like he’s trying to at least snog every girl in our year and then some,” Marlene answers.

The group is silent for a moment as Mary, Marlene and Lily all stare at you.

“Well? Is he?” Lily asks.

“How would I know?”

“Because he is quite literally in your lap every evening?” Marlene replies. “Honestly, if we didn’t know you, we’d say you two were dating. Or at least you’d’ve been the first one he snogged.”

You make a face at that assumption. “My brother’s best friend, believe it or not, does not confide all of his life’s mission to me.”

“You’re probably one of them,” Mary giggles.

“Except I’m basically his sister!”

“Siblings don’t act like that around each other,” Lily says with a smile. 

“James!” you call to your brother who is a few seats down from the group. “Does Sirius like me romantically?”

He looks up from his Quidditch book, eyes wide.

“What? What did he do to you?”

He slams his book down and quickly walks down the table toward the girls. He crouches next to you so he wasn’t towering over you. 

“What did Padfoot do?”

You laugh at your brother. “Nothing, James. But these three,” you gesture to the girls around you, “think I’m on his to-be-snogged list. I’m not, am I?” Your words were teasing, already knowing that you weren't.

“I’ll damn ensure that you’re not,” he growls, shaking his head.

“But there is a list?” Marlene pipes up. Her eyes glitter with intrigue. 

“Not a list, per se… But he does seem to have trouble keeping to one girl for long.”

“And there you have it, folks! No real list and even if there was, I’m not on it.” You turn to look at James who doesn’t seem to be moving from where he crouches behind your shoulder. “Thanks James. You can, uh, go sit down now.”

“Oooh! Speak of the devil!” Mary chirps, looking toward the Great Hall door where Sirius was entering alone. 

“Morning, pumpkin,” Sirius says, ruffling your hair. “Girls.” 

James had waited until Sirius made it to the girls. The boys went down to their usual spots down the table. Once sat, James bursts into hurried whispers that lead to numerous glances being sent in the girls’ direction. 

“How come I can’t call you pumpkin?” Lily pouts. Of all the pet names, pumpkin was your least favorite.

You roll your eyes before answering. “He’ll be reprimanded later for that. Don’t you worry, dearest Lily.”

“Reprimanded in your sex dungeon?” Marlene gasps, a hand over her heart.

You smack her with your paper from across the table. “Don’t you start a rumor like that!”

“I could totally see you having one though!” Marlene insists. 

“What is your dominatrix name?” Lily asks, gently bumping into your shoulder. 

“You are all too horny this morning. I’ll see you in class.”

You quickly gather your things, take one last sip of coffee and leave the hall. The day seems to go on as usual for you. You sat with the girls in most of your classes. You’re glad the conversation of Sirius’ list had been left at breakfast. There are minor differences in the boys during classes. They appeared to have shuffled their seating arrangements, but it doesn’t affect you until History of Magic. You usually sit next to Sirius. Instead, you were sat next to Peter while Sirius sat on the other side of James. Peter wasn’t your favorite of James’ friends but you could tolerate him. 

There was definitely something different about Sirius in the common room after dinner. You usually hung out with her brother and his friends in the evenings. This would often lead to you sitting with Sirius on the couch, one of you draped over the other. Depending on who was sitting and who was lounging, you would play with each other’s hair or do homework or take a brief nap. You liked when Sirius would read you the assigned chapter because you otherwise wouldn’t read it. This evening, however, Sirius sat in an armchair nowhere near you. You frown as you watch him sit down and proceed to avoid your gaze. 

The altered seating arrangement and not sitting with you on the couch continues for the next few days. By Friday evening, it is driving you crazy. You need to know what is going on. You wait until most people have gone to bed before deciding to confront him. Sirius was usually one of the last people up so you knew that waiting it out would be okay. 

“Black, come ‘ere,” you say.

He looks over at you with a confused look on his face. He had been watching the fire, lost in his own thoughts. When he doesn’t move, you pat the couch cushion next to you. Reluctantly, he gets up and move to sit next to you. 

“What’s up, pumpkin?”

“What’s up with you?” you ask, your brows furrowed. “Feels like you’ve been on the other side of the Earth this week.”

He shrugs, looking back towards the fire. “Just following directions.”

“Whose directions?”

“Prongs.”

“And, pray tell, what did that idiot tell you to do?”

“To stay away from you?” he replies, obvious confusion in his voice. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose in mild frustration. “When was this?”

“Uh, earlier this week at breakfast. Made it seem like it was partly at your request?”

You shake your head. “Leave it to James to mess something up. No. He said he would make sure I didn’t end up as another checked box on your list. That would be all him.”

“Another checked box? What list is this?” Sirius asks with a slight chuckle as he looks at you. 

“The list of every girl in our year and then some,” you giggle, slightly relieved that it seems like he doesn’t have such a list. “You know, your apparent mission to kiss every one. And maybe get some.”

He quickly turns back to the fire, hoping to hide the brief look of embarrassment that crosses his face. You see it anyway and feel your face flush slightly. 

“There’s no list. And you certainly wouldn’t be a box on it if it were.”

“Ouch, Black,” you say with semi-fake hurt. “Cut me deep.”

“Please, I would be neutered if I kissed you.”

You laugh. Your laugh is enough to draw Sirius’ gaze away from the fire again. He loves seeing you smile that widely and knowing it was something he said to get you to. 

“Why were you talking about that imaginary list anyways?”

“Mary saw you snogging Eloise and apparently thought I would know if this list existed,” you say with a soft chuckle. 

“And James was a part of this conversation?” he asks in disbelief.

“Well, I called him over when the girls didn’t believe that we aren’t romantically involved, let alone never kissed.”

Sirius shakes his head with a small smile playing on his lips. “And that leads to James declaring that I need to be at least a meter away from you at all times?”

“I asked him two questions. Do you like me romantically and was I on your to-be-snogged list?” You pause. “You know, he never actually answered the first one.”

“That would be because he doesn’t know,” Sirius says, turning his head almost 90 degrees to crack his neck. “You know how much he hates being wrong… So he’s not going to give an answer if he doesn’t know if it’s right.”

“What does that mean?”

“That I don’t discuss everything with Prongs. Although, he never has asked how I feel about you.”

You chuckle and nudge Sirius with your shoulder. “You don’t have to pretend like you might have feelings for me. It’s… fine that you don’t.” The words taste bitter in your mouth, but you try to sound genuine. You would be lying if you said you never imagined things developing between the two of you. 

“Why do you assume I don’t?” Sirius asks, cocking his head as he looks at you intently.

“Why would you be snogging anything that moves in a skirt if you liked me and you’ve never made a move for me?”

“I thought we agreed that Prongs would have me neutered if I kissed you?” He takes a breath. “And maybe knowing that I could very well lose my best friend if I went after the girl I actually like is the reason I go from girl to girl. None of them make me feel like she does.”

“Wait, what?”

“There’s just more than one reason why you can’t be a checked box on this list,” Sirius says, standing up. “Goodnight, pumpkin.”

He places a gentle kiss on top of your head before heading up the stairs to the boys’ dormitories. You stare after him dumbfounded. Has Sirius just essentially told you that he did like you and then leave? 

Despite knowing that he was well out of earshot, you still say, “That’s not my name.”

None of the students remaining in the common room pay you any attention as you sit on the couch alone, talking to yourself now. You slump into the cushions and take over Sirius’ habit of staring into the fire. You understand why he does it. The way that the flames dance and flicker and radiate heat is calming. 

You are distracted all weekend by what Sirius had said. You bury yourself in homework and use it as an excuse to avoid the Quidditch game. It’s Slytherin against Hufflepuff so your absence isn't insulting to James. Despite being tucked away in a distraction-free corner of the library, you make little progress on your homework. Your mind kept wandering back to Sirius and what he had said. You had worked hard to bury all of your feelings for him years ago, assuming it would never happen due to his close friendship with James. Your feelings continued to remain buried as he got closer with you and never hinted that he might like you more than a friend. 

In your dorm, you ignore the comments from Lily and Mary that for someone who spent all weekend in the library, you made such little progress on your assignments, or that they were done extremely poorly. 

On Monday, you really do try to pay attention in class, but it is futile. Even after a weekend of him on your mind, your thoughts keep drifting back to Sirius, who is in most of your classes. Even worse, you come to realize that you have no one to talk to about it so you can only let your mind spin as it had for the past two days. You think you disguise your distraction fairly well in classes until Remus grabs your hand in Potions before you can tip an ingredient into your cauldron.

“Are you trying to blow up the classroom?” he hisses at you. 

You blink at him and then look at what you had been about to pour into your brew. He is right. If you had dumped it in, your cauldron would have blown up and severely damaged those around you. You give Remus a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Remus… Been a bit distracted lately.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You give him a look. “Is it obvious?”

“You didn’t bother to apologize or clean up your spilled inkwell in Transfiguration,” he says with a soft smile. “If Lily hadn’t quickly cleaned it up for you, McGonagall would’ve given you detention.”

“Huh… I’ll have to thank her later…”

“What’s got you so distracted?”

“Nothing too important,” you lie.

“If I’m almost blown up over it, it must be important.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it so it’s… festering.”

Remus turns back to his own potion.

“Must be quite the topic if you have no one to talk to about it.”

You scrunch your face as you add the correct ingredient to your potion, causing it to turn a pleasant blue color. 

“What does that mean?”

“You have plenty of people who care for you. And if none of us are good enough, you could probably have your pick of first years who would love to listen to your problems.”

You chew at the dead skin of your bottom lip, looking at Remus and knowing he was right.

“Don’t be mad but sometimes I forget that you are also my friend, not just James’. And that you are the most understanding person on this planet.”

He chuckles softly, not trying to draw attention to himself. “Understandable. But what is it that you feel you have no one to talk to about?”

“It’s too public in here,” you say, looking around the room. “It’s something I can’t talk to the girls about because they will all tease me endlessly if I do. And I can’t talk about it with James because we don’t really discuss that kind of stuff often and he overreacts.”

“And Sirius?”

You purse your lips. 

“Oh,” Remus says, suddenly understanding. “Let’s discuss this after class when I’m certain I’ll be in less danger of blowing up.”

Once your potions are turned in to Professor Slughorn, you and Remus leave the classroom together. Lily, Mary and James give you questionable stares as you disappear around the corner. Neither of you say a word until you are more secluded in the grounds of Hogwarts. You walk down towards the Black Lake. Anyone trying to eavesdrop would have a harder time hearing you over the sound of waves. 

“What did Sirius do?” Remus asks, sitting down and resting his back against a tree. 

Mimicking his actions, you answer, “It’s what he said when I confronted him for avoiding me all last week.”

“Wasn’t that at your request?”

“No. James is a liar.”

“Okay?”

“Long story short, Mary, Marlene and Lily…” you start to say before putting your head in your hands and groaning. “Screw that. Does Sirius like me?”

“He lets you touch his hair. Of course he likes you.”

You lift your head to look at Remus. “Does he like me as more than a friend?”

“What did he say to you?”

“I asked first.”

“I can only speak if I know what he told you.”

You sigh heavily and turn your gaze to the lake.

“Something like he’d lose James if he kissed the girl he actually likes and that’s why he’s been kissing every girl who looks his way. And then that there’s more than one reason why I can’t be another checked box on the list of girls he’s kissed.”

Remus puts his hand on your shoulder. 

“Oh, darling…”

“Remus, does he like me?”

“I believe he does.”

You whip your head towards him. “What do you mean, you believe?”

“He’s not known for pouring his heart out. You know that. He’s private with his more personal feelings,” Remus says, choosing his words carefully. “But I have eyes and ears. The way he looks at you, especially when James isn’t looking. The way he acts around you. The way he talks to you, and about you. … And he calls you pumpkin.”

You don’t say anything. You were taking it all in, although you don’t quite understand why him using that pet name held significance. You just want Remus to keep talking. 

“You know about his home life,” he continues. 

You nod. 

“I don’t think I could say all the ways it makes him the way he is. We’ve only heard snippets of it. I think there’s a lot he has walled off. And he has a found family in us. In James specifically. So he’s going to tread lightly around anything that could harm that.”

You bite the inside of your lip. You know you have been let inside some of Sirius’ walls. There were the miscellaneous late nights filled with more vulnerable conversations over the past two years. A particularly horrendous nightmare had brought Sirius to the common room to sit by the dying fire, and you had already been sitting there. You had been unable to sleep with your own anxieties. You snuggled into each other on the couch and talked until Sirius felt okay to go back to sleep. 

Even with that memory in your head, the thing you say is, “So James’ irrationality is why Sirius hasn’t made a move on me?”

“Part of it… but that’s not what you’re taking away from this conversation. There’s more than Prongs in this equation.”

You sigh and rest your chin on your hands. The sun was beginning to set and it reflects beautifully on the lake’s shimmering surface. 

“You’re also in the equation,” Remus reminds you. “Do you like him as more than a friend?”

You can’t help but laugh. 

“Remus John Lupin, I’ve been in love with him since second year.”

The moment you say that, it hits you like a brick wall. The buried emotions all bubble up and you lean back into the tree forcefully. Your head hits the trunk with a soft thud and you groan at the sudden pain. You know that you thought Sirius was cute from the moment you met him but it did take time and a little bit of maturing for you to decide that you liked him in that way. And because he is your brother’s best friend, you kept quiet about it, even to your female friends. Despite playing it off, you were bothered when you heard about him snogging another girl in the corridor. You were bothered when you heard girls giggle about how handsome he was and how they hoped he would give them attention or take them to Hogsmeade. You relish in the fact that out of every one of his friends, he chose to sit next to you in the common room night after night. And you treasured every time he let you see that vulnerable side of him that he kept so well hidden behind his bright smile and boisterous laugh and devil-may-care attitude. 

“If that’s true, why haven’t you made a move?” 

You laugh again, nudging Remus’s shoulder. 

“I thought you were the smart one of the group. He’s James’ best friend. His best friend who has never once shown an inkling of romantic interest in me. Why would I risk that level of embarrassment with someone who is obviously going to be in my life as long as I stay close with James?”

“Do you ever think that maybe he thought the same thing?”

“Rems, I…”

“Love, listen. I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t tell you for certain that he likes you. But I suggest you talk to him. Probably when James isn’t around. And if it comes to it, screw what James thinks. He just cares for you and doesn’t want to see you hurt. You are twins after all.”

You sit in silence for a minute. The crashing waves of the lake fill the air as the sun disappears over the horizon. 

“Rems, thanks for this. But we did miss dinner,” you finally say.

You stand up and hold out a hand to Remus. He takes it with a smile. He grunts as he stands up, like the old man the boys often compare him to.

“You act like we don’t know where the kitchens are…” 

After a quick stop by the kitchens for sandwiches, you enter the common room together. You are greeted by multiple versions of “There you are!” and “I told you they’d be together, I saw them leave Potions together!” It seems as if your disappearance had captured the attention of every sixth year Gryffindor. 

“You missed dinner!” James chides. 

“We grabbed sandwiches,” you say, holding up your almost finished grilled cheese. 

“What were you doing?” His eyes narrow at Remus. 

“Talking?” Remus answers, moving past James to sit by in a chair by the fire. 

You, however, feel frozen with James in front of you and the eyes of many Gryffindors on you. 

“Talking kept you from food?” Marlene asks in disbelief. “Must’ve been some conversation.”

“I’d say it was enlightening,” you say. 

“Did he teach you Lumos?” Peter asks from the couch. 

“Ha,” Remus says dryly. 

“Are you okay?” James asks you in a hushed tone as the non-sixth year Gryffindors slowly turn back to their own conversations. 

“Yes? I just needed to talk to Rem about something private.”

“Something private?” he asks, trying to get more information out of you. “With Moony? Come on, what is going on?”

“Nothing is going on. God forbid a girl talks to her male friends.”

“If nothing is going on, then tell me what you were talking about.”

“You are not privy to my every conversation,” you snap.

“I am a bit when it’s with one of my best mates.”

“Your best mates are also some of my best mates, James. Learn to share.”

Your voices were increasing in volume.

“Do I need to talk to him too?” James asks, placing a hand on your shoulder which you immediately shrug off. 

“No! And I never asked you to talk to Sirius!”

Sirius looks from Remus to you to James at the mention of his name. 

“You asked if you were…”

“I asked for information. That’s all. And you have the audacity to tell him to stay away from me?”

“I’m protecting you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” you spit. “And if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be from your friends.” You look over at the boys and then back at James. “If anyone needs protecting from the people you call your best mates, then you need to reevaluate the kind of company you keep.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Let me get hurt.”

You give James one last nasty look before finally being able to move your feet. You disappear into the girls’ dorms. As you walk away, you can feel eyes watching your every move. Apparently if you argue with your brother loudly, the common room is forced to give you all of their attention. Once out of sight, James collapses on the couch, refusing to look at anyone. Lily, Marlene and Mary watch James sit down and then follow you up the stairs. Lily hesitates a moment before knocking on the door to your shared dorm. 

“Lovie?” she called softly as she opened the door a crack. “Potter!”

The door creaks loudly as it opens wider. You had changed out of your uniform and into muggle clothes. You are sitting on your bed, lacing up your heavy boots with a small bag next to you.

“Going somewhere?” Marlene asks. She is the first of the girls to enter the room.

“I need to clear my head.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” Lily asks, trying to keep her voice calm and gentle.

“Heard about some poachers gathering in the forest. And if I can’t find them, I’ll find some trolls or dugbogs or something.”

“And you plan on going alone?”

You shoot the girls a warning look. “Yes. Evans, if you threaten detention, make it for Thursday.”

Lily doesn’t say anything. 

“What did you and Lupin talk about?” Mary inquires, not quite seeing that you aren’t in the mood to talk about that yet. 

“Doesn’t. Fucking. Matter.”

You, having finished lacing your boots, grab you bag and storm out of the dorm. You have to push past Mary who is still standing in the doorway. Your heavy footsteps silence the common room before you finish descending the stairs. Eyes follow you as you leave the common room. Once out of the portrait, the common room roars to life again. 

“So… what the fuck?” Peter asks, looking at his friends.

“She’s pissed off,” Remus says coolly. “And I’d say for decent reason.”

James gives him an annoyed look.

“That time of the month, is it?”

“Peter, no!” Remus chastises. “She’s just figuring stuff out.”

“Care to share with the class?” James asks. 

“I’d prefer to not spend the next two weeks in the hospital wing so I’ll let her tell you when she’s ready.”

“So we’re going to let her go off like that?” Sirius asks, speaking up for the first time since you and Remus came back. 

“Yes,” Remus and James say at the same time. 

“Like she said, she doesn’t need protection,” Remus says, sending a wary glance to James.

---

Remus was mildly surprised that when he woke up, Sirius wasn’t in his bed. He was, however, less surprised when he found Sirius slumped on the couch in the common room. Remus approached him, ready to wake him up, only to find that Sirius was awake. His hair was slightly frizzy and dark bags formed under his eyes. He was still in his disheveled uniform from the day before, having never gone up to their dorm after dinner. 

“Pads?” he says gently. “Were you up all night?”

Sirius looks away from the fire groggily. 

“Huh?” He processes what Remus had asked him. He sits up, his back loudly cracking as he does so. “Yeah. Someone had to wait for Potter to get back.”

“And you didn’t come up when she did?”

Sirius shakes his head before running a hand through his curls.

“She didn’t, Moons. She didn’t come back.”

Remus’ eyes go wide.

“No, surely she came back. You must’ve drifted asleep at some point.”

“She didn’t. I was awake the whole time.”

Remus sits next to his friend, placing a hand on his knee. “Maybe she got back recently and just went straight to breakfast? How ‘bout we go get some, yeah?”

“Let me change,” Sirius mutteres, giving Remus a tired look.

He doesn’t move for a minute. His brain feels too fuzzy and wired at the same time. Convincing his legs to support his weight as he eventually stands up is more of a task than he anticipates. He is quick in getting ready for the day in their dorm. He doesn’t understand how James is still asleep, or how he had slept at all when you weren’t in the castle for all they knew. Sirius ties his hair back and looks at his reflection with his fresh uniform on. Despite his attempts to make himself look presentable, not having slept at all and being filled with worry makes him look exhausted, which is how he felt. He just doesn’t want to show it. He sighs and returns to Remus. 

Sirius watches the Great Hall door as he slowly eats some breakfast. He drinks some coffee that Remus pushed towards him, saying something along the lines of needing caffeine if he was planning on making it through the day. When the girls sit down, they confirm that you hadn't been in their dorm that morning and your bed looked unslept in. Sirius groans. The girls exchange curious looks. 

Palpable concern and worry finally reaches the rest of the sixth year Gryffindors when they are all sat in Charms and you still weren't there. 

“You’re certain that she didn’t come back and just made her bed when she got up?” James asks Marlene.

“Positive. All of her school things were still there. The bed hadn’t been touched.”

“And since when does she make her bed?” Lily asks. 

Halfway through class, you enter the room. All eyes turn to look at you. You have multiple bandages over your body, looking freshly applied. You hand Professor Flitwick a note and take your spot next to Mary. You don’t say anything to all the Gryffindors staring at you. You just open your book to the same page as Mary and turn to look at the professor, hoping he’d continue his lesson where he left off. 

“Where have you been?” Mary whispers, not looking at you.

“Forest. And then hospital wing,” you reply nonchalantly. 

“Did you sleep?”

“No. I’ll be fine,” you assert. “Now shush.”

After Charms ends, the Gryffindors surround you so you can’t slip away to your next class. You avoid making eye contact with any of them as you gather your things and attempt to push through them. 

“Going into the forest at night is one thing,” Lily chides. “Not coming back until halfway through the first lesson of the day is another.”

“Okay, mum,” you say shortly, still trying to push through the group.

“Aren’t you going to explain yourself?” James asks.

You glare at him. “Certainly not to you.”

“You look like you barely came back in one piece!” he exclaims. “I’m shocked Pomfrey let you leave the hospital wing.”

A wicked glint shines in your eyes. “Oh, she didn’t. I just left.”

“Potter!” Mary gasps.

“Macdonald!” you mimic with an eye roll. “If you lot don’t get out of my way, I’ll be late for Ancient Runes and I’m already on thin ice with Raltmole.”

You finally push through the group and leave them in the Charms classroom. They exchange frustrated looks before following you out. They split up for their respective classes, Remus and Lily following you towards the Ancient Runes classroom. 

“Did you find the poachers you were looking for?” Lily asks tentatively once they sit on either side of you. 

You nod. “And then some. The hippogriffs they had weren’t happy to be freed.”

“Did you bow to them?” Remus asks.

“No? Was I supposed to?”

“Yes!” Remus breathes.

You hum and spin your quill in your fingers. “Now I know for next time.”

Professor Raltmole gathers the class’ attention and begins her lecture. Remus takes a ratty piece of parchment from his bookbag and scrawls a short note on it before sliding it across the desk toward you. 

Padfoot waited up for you

You quickly read it, write a response and slide it back.

Is that why he looks like living death?

He didn’t sleep because you were gone

You crumple the paper when you get it back from Remus. You shove it in your pocket, away from Lily’s view. 

“I’ll talk to him later,” you hiss to Remus.

An angry Madam Pomfrey yells at you in front of most of the castle at lunch for sneaking out of the hospital wing when you were clearly still in need of tending to. An excuse of not wanting to miss more class seemed to ward her off, but you feel the nurse’s frustrated gaze on you for the rest of the meal. Mary and Marlene ask you about the poachers you dueled as you walked to your next class. You recount a watered down version of the previous night’s events for them. You make sure that your injuries still make sense but their severity less. The girls are simply impressed and less concerned for their friend. 

You are happy when the second half of the day is more concentrated on schoolwork rather than what you had gotten up to last night. You didn’t want to keep reliving being outnumbered by the poachers and just barely getting out without being too injured. The fear in the hippogriffs’ eyes haunted you. It reminds you that what you did was right, but they had still attacked you after you unlocked their cages. Sitting at dinner, you gently touch the bandage on her face and wince. 

“If it hurts, you probably shouldn’t touch it,” Lily says. “Or go see Pomfrey again. I’m sure she’d love to patch you up more.”

“Going back is admitting defeat,” you say definitively. 

You wouldn’t go back, not even when your bandages need to be replaced. You know that the boys have plenty of bandages in their dorm and you could use some of those. You worried that Pomfrey would handcuff you to a cot and place a charm on it so you couldn’t escape. You were determined to not be held captive to the nurse. 

You fold gravy into your mashed potatoes until they turn a gross shade of pale brown. Your whole body had started to ache during the last lesson of the day. The pain is stronger than your hunger and all you want to do now is sleep. However, you weren’t dumb. Your friends would have cursed you into next week, or at least taken you to Madam Pomfrey, if you hadn’t shown up to dinner. You sigh as the plates in the middle of the table clear and replenish with desserts. Nothing looks appetizing. You force yourself to swallow some of the potatoes so you could claim that you did have some dinner. After a few bites, you resume swirling the soft mush around your plate. 

“Darling, you done?” Marlene asks, standing up across from you. 

You look up, noticing that a fair amount of students had already left the Great Hall. 

“I guess so,” you say. 

You walk back to the Gryffindor Tower in silence. Marlene seems to read your body language, which says you aren’t in the mood to talk anymore. Your face has a hardened look to it with your arms crossed over your chest. After giving the password, Marlene makes sure to hold open the portrait for you so it doesn't close on you. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t smile a little when you saw Sirius sitting on the couch with no one else. Marlene heads for the girls’ stairs, half expecting you to follow her up. Instead, you make a beeline for the couch and lay down, your head resting in Sirius’ lap.

“Hey Black,” you say, looking up at him.

“Aren’t you exhausted?” he asks, looking down at you. “I think you got as much sleep as I did last night.”

“So Remus says,” you reply. 

Sirius twirls some of your hair around his finger, something he had done hundreds of times before. Only this time, you see it as something more tender, all thanks to what Remus had said the day prior. It sent off butterflies in your stomach.

“Must’ve been some conversation you two had yesterday,” Sirius mumbles. “What else would keep you out so late?”

You scoff. “James being a prat. But it was some conversation. I think I needed to hear it.”

Sirius’ expression softens. 

“What did you need to hear?”

“It was… a reality check.” 

You pause, studying the look on his face. You are vaguely aware of the other people in the common room, but the way Sirius is looking at you could’ve convinced you that you were the only one in the entire castle with those grey eyes. Without saying anything to each other, you feel as if the only things you can hear are your breathing and the muted crackling of the fire not far from you. You reach up and tuck a curl behind his ear, revealing his multiple piercings that he’d gotten over the years. You notice his breathing hitch as your hand gently grazes his face. You smile at him. 

“So between the reality check and Mr. Bitchiness himself, I needed to clear my head.”

Sirius shakes his head with a soft chuckle.

“I think you should find a way to clear your head that doesn’t involve barely coming back in one piece, Potter.”

“I thought you called me pumpkin.”

“I thought you hated being called that.”

“I do, but I let you get away with it.” You gently poke the tip of his nose playfully. Your gaze briefly flicks to his lips before returning to his eyes. “You’re… special.” 

“That doesn’t look like a meter,” James’ voice calls, bringing you back into the noise of the common room. 

You can see your brother standing over the two of you behind the couch. His face isn’t quite murderous, but it was getting there. 

“She’s exhausted and in pain and you come swooping in?” James accuses Sirius. “I thought I told you to give her space.”

You sit up and glare at James, the tenderness of the moment with Sirius evaporated.

“Excuse you,” you say, a disgusted snarl creeping up on your face. “He did no such swooping. And you can’t tell people to stay away from me.”

“I’m your brother! It’s my job to keep people away from you,” he says, giving his friend a sour look. “Especially when I think they have immoral intentions.”

“Have you considered that I’m the one who came to him and not the other way around?” 

“Why would you?”

You blink. “Because he’s my friend?”

“He’s my friend,” James says.

You can’t stop yourself. You slap James across the face. You feel your own face burning and tears beginning to brim in your eyes. 

“I see you didn’t learn anything from last night, you git,” you spit at him. 

You stand up, leaving Sirius alone on the couch. He watches in silence as you turn to leave the common room. You slam the portrait behind you, earning a scolding from the Fat Lady about respect. The common room remains silent as Sirius looks up at James.

“Prongs, I swear, she came to me,” he says. “I was sitting here and she came to me. She walked in with Marlene long after we came back from dinner.”

“Whatever, Pads. Just keep your distance from her, like you said you would.”

Sirius lets his lips form a thin line as he looks away from James and back to the fire. Technically, he had never said he would keep away from you. James had just insisted on it. James sighs heavily, glancing at the portrait hole. He is glad that you didn’t go upstairs to change and grab whatever you would need to go out again, but you leaving in such a fury wasn’t ideal either. He turns and goes back up to their dorm. When Remus sees how upset James is, he immediately goes to check in on Sirius, letting Peter work on calming James down. 

Remus sits on the other side of the couch. Sirius is radiating an energy that said he needed a little bit of space around him. 

“Padfoot,” Remus says, speaking tentatively. “What just happened? Why is Prongs in a huff again?”

“He’s accusing me of trying to defile her when she’s not in her right mind.”

Remus isn’t a fan that Sirius didn’t look at him when he talked. He didn’t want his friend to stay up all night staring into the fire again. 

“Where is she?”

Sirius shrugs. “Slapped Prongs and left.”

Remus raised his eyebrows and leaned toward Sirius. 

“She slapped him?” he asks, trying to hold in some laughter. “Honestly, someone needed to and it’s good it came from her. He’ll forgive her.”

“Do you think he’d forgive me?” Sirius asks, his voice barely audible and eyes still not leaving the flickering flames. 

“Forgive you for what?” Remus asks cautiously. “Did you… defile her?”

Sirius scoffs. “No, Merlin… But… fuck. Nevermind.”

Remus scoots to the middle cushion of the couch. He places a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius looks away from the fire. His cheeks are dusted with a faint blush. 

“Padfoot, be honest with me. How do you feel about her?” 

Remus’ voice is soft. It has a sense of pleading to it, as if begging Sirius to admit something he doesn’t want to, as if begging him to be more vulnerable in the middle of the common room than he has ever been before. Sirius just shakes his head with a frown.

“That doesn’t matter.”

With a harsh sigh, Remus tries again. “Prongs doesn’t matter right now. How do you, Padfoot, Sirius Orion Black, feel about her?”

“Like she is the most precious thing.” He closes his eyes and turns his face toward the fire again. “But Prongs does matter. So how I feel doesn’t. I need his friendship more than I need a relationship.”

Remus gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

“Imagine if everything went right though… You and Prongs could legally be brothers.”

Sirius coughs in surprise at his words. Of course, he had thought about it from time to time. James was his brother in practically all ways except literally. You, being alluring as you were, were something different. You weren't a sister to him. What he feels for you isn’t what he would feel for a sister and it is certainly more than anything he has felt for any other girl. 

“Think about it, Pads, yeah?” Remus suggests, giving his shoulder another squeeze. “You think Wormtail has calmed Prongs down enough for it to be safe to go back up there?”

Remus glances toward the stairs. Then he looks back at Sirius, who has opened his eyes but stares absently at the hearth. 

“You said she left the common room? You don’t think she’ll be gone all night again, do you?” Remus questions, his voice having more concern than before. 

“She’ll be back… Although it might be better if I’m not down here when she returns…”

---

You spend the rest of the week avoiding James. You put as many people in between you as possible when you have to be near him. If he tries to talk to you, you either ignore him or speak to him through someone else. It pisses him off. You also take to avoiding the common room, being that he was often there. For once, you find yourself being furious that Remus and Sirius were James’ friends first and yours second.

Marlene sits down in the library at the same table as you, Mary and Lily. You are working on various assignments, books littering the tables. Marlene clears a small section for her to get out her own work. She shoots a wary look toward you.

“Black’s back on his bullshit,” she says, watching you for a reaction that you don’t give her. 

You keep your eyes on your Ancient Runes assignment.

“Who’s he snogging now?” Lily asks. She knows someone has to buy into the bait.

“Charity Burbage.”

“Didn’t realize she was his type…” Mary mutters. “Isn’t she a few years younger?”

“Fourth year, but she’s… mature if you know what I mean,” Marlene answers, giving her own breasts a squeeze.

“Alright, we get your point,” Lily says, cutting her off. “Remember that we’re here to do homework, right?”

You just scoff and keep working. Hearing that Sirius was off snogging a busty fourth year rubbed you the wrong way. You keep thinking back to what Sirius had said and what Remus had told you about him. You think about how Sirius had been the one waiting up for you to come back that night you got into the fight with James. You don’t want to imagine Sirius sucking face with a younger girl, but the image keeps appearing in your mind. It makes your blood boil. 

“Potter, you good?” Mary whispers from across the table.

You look up at Mary and then back down at your paper. There were various splotches of ink where you had been holding your quill and lightly tapping it. You sighed in annoyance. 

“Guess Raltmole is getting subpar work again,” you groan. 

You look over at the assignment sheet again and force a smile. At least you were on the last question. Once you answer it, you could make an excuse to leave. You hurriedly finish and begin putting your stuff away.

“I’ll see you lot later.”

“Going back to the common room?” Lily asks, not looking up from her own assignment. 

“Yeah,” you lie. You had no intention of going back to Gryffindor Tower and risk running into James. 

You make your way up to the astronomy tower. As you climb the stairs, hot tears sting in your eyes and begin to fall. You have never been so glad to find the tower completely empty. You sit down near the edge of the platform. The cold air feels nice as you feel like you are overheating. Your mind is spinning with thoughts of Sirius. You hate that you had admitted to Remus that you had been harboring feelings for Sirius for years and everything you had buried so deep inside of you had been brought back to the surface. You hate that your friends feel the need to bring up whoever they saw Sirius kissing. 

As you look over the horizon, lost in your thoughts, you hear a string of swears from the stairs. You don’t look to see who it was. It isn’t a Gryffindor and that’s all that really matters to you at this moment. When the boy reaches the top of the stairs, he immediately spots you at the edge of the platform. He swears again, having hoped the tower would be empty, but then he notices you shuddering and hears your sniffles. 

“Is this where everyone goes when they’re upset?” Barty Crouch Jr. asks, taking a step towards you, unsure of how you felt about having company. He had wanted to be alone so maybe you did too.

You turn your head to look at him. Your face is flushed and eyes red. Tears streak your face. Barty decides that you look too pitiful to leave alone. He sits down next to you, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the platform and leaning backwards. 

“Misery loves company, doesn’t it?” he asks, cocking his head to the side as he looks at you.

You smiled softly, although it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Depends on the company you keep.”

“Well, I came up here to be alone.” He kicks his legs in the open air. “But you’re not a Slytherin so I’ll give you a chance.”

“And you’re not a Gryffindor so I won’t ask you to leave.”

He chuckles and gives you a half smile. “Lions and snakes can be too much from time to time.”

“You can say that again. … What’d they do to you?”

“Evan… He’s hiding something from me and it’s not good. He needs to let me in, but it’s hard to convince him when everyone, Black, Snape, Avery, Wilkes, tells me to drop it. God forbid I try to be involved in my boyfriend’s life…” Barty sighs. “Everyone ganged up on me, even Pandora.”

“Didn’t know you and Evan… Rosier?” 

“Yeah, Rosier. We don’t make it a habit to snog in the corridors like the other Black.”

You grimace. The other Black was your issue. 

“What?”

“The other Black…”

Barty’s eyes widen. “You and him? I thought I heard he was…”

“We’re not,” you cut him off. “Which is why I’m up here.”

“I need a distraction from Ev… What’s up with that little blood traitor?”

You glare at Barty. “I’m not going to talk to you if you’re going to be like that.”

“Sorry, habit. What’s the other Black up to?”

You shake your head and adjust so your legs hang over the edge too. You sniffle again and blink away tears that threaten to stream down your face again.

“How am I supposed to know if he likes me if I keep hearing that he’s going into a broom closet with a new girl every other day?”

“You like him?” Barty asks. “Of course you do. Just about every girl has a fantasy about him.”

You scoff. “Every girl… Yeah. That’s part of the problem. He all but told me that I’m the reason he’s snogging every girl in our year. And yours. And then some.”

“You’re the reason?”

“Something like James would kill him if he touched me so he touches everyone else.” You roll your eyes and lean forward into the metal railing. “And then Remus goes off and says he’s fairly certain that Sirius really does like me in the way I like him. And James constantly acting like I need protection from his friends. And every time I think I’ve collected myself and reburied my feelings for Black, Marlene and Mary come around and talk about who they saw him with.” You shake your head. “I’m sorry, it’s stupid.”

“Your stupid problem is better than thinking about mine. I know Ev will be cooled off when I get back and we’ll be fine. Your problem is… more.”

“Do the Slytherins think Sirius has some checklist of every girl he needs to snog before graduation?” you ask, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Not that I know of, but I’m around Reg a lot and we don’t talk about his brother in front of him unless we have a death wish.” He pauses. “Poor wording because some of us do… We don’t talk about him.”

“Hmm… It’s definitely a topic among Gryffindors. Obviously.”

“He’d never be able to finish it.”

You give him a confused look as you sniffle again. 

“You and that redhead. The one your brother and Snape are obsessed with.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah, Lily would never kiss Sirius. Even for a dare. She’d rather do just about anything else.”

“And I call that a success!” Barty says with a smile. “Got the crying girl to laugh.”

“That you did…”

“May regret asking this, but what set you off? Why are you here now? Sounds like you’re just eternally pining.”

“Marlene said she saw Black snogging Burbage.”

“She’s younger than me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Gross.”

“Yeah.” You sigh and feel tears fall again. 

Your mind keeps telling you it was stupid to be jealous over a silly fourth year, but it was unfair. Barty notices you starting to cry again.

“Come here,” he says as he puts his arm around you. 

While he and Evan would fight, he hoped they would never make each cry like this. The girl he had only ever seen as a force to be reckoned with was reduced to a puddle of emotions. You rest your head on Barty’s shoulder. It gives you a little bit of comfort to be hurting with someone else.

---

“She’s where with who?” James yells in their dorm. 

When the girls had returned from the library and asked if you were in their room, they were met with confused stares from the boys. They hadn’t seen you since dinner and they had been in the common room all evening. While the girls shared looks of minor confusion, the boys shared looks of worry. The boys had immediately gone up to their dorm and opened the map. Each scanned a different section, looking for your name.

“She’s in the astronomy tower with Junior,” Peter repeats. 

“Is she trying to get herself killed?”

“You seem far more concerned about her being with Junior than you did with her going off to fight poachers,” Sirius mutters, going to sit on his bed. 

James turns to glare at him.

“What does that mean?”

“Just questioning what, or who, you think counts as dangerous.”

“You damn well know that Junior is dangerous,” James growls. 

“Oh, I do know that, Prongs. But I’m not. I’m not a threat to her.”

“We aren’t talking about this right now, Padfoot. She is actually in danger right now!” 

“Should we be concerned that their names aren’t moving?” Peter asks, still looking at the map. “Neither one has even shifted so they aren’t walking around or nothing.”

The two boys look over at Peter, anger fading from their faces and being replaced with fear and concern. 

“That’s it. I’m going to get her,” James announces, moving for the door before Remus stops him.

“Like hell you are,” he says firmly. “In case you’re more dense than I think you are, you’re not her favorite person right now. I don’t think it’s wise that you go.”

“Then who’s going to go? Can’t really ask Lily to go fetch her without explaining the map.”

“Padfoot, you go see if she’s okay,” Remus decides. “Just… don’t overreact to whatever you’re walking into.”

Sirius doesn’t need to be told twice. He slips out of the door behind Remus, shooting James a gloating face. Once the door is closed, Remus lets James go. 

“Tell me how Padfoot is going to handle that situation better than I would,” James demands. 

“First off, you would walk in and blast Junior off the tower. Don’t act like you wouldn’t. And like I said, she is still angry with you. You going would only make things worse between you two,” Remus starts to explain. “Second, it would’ve been best if I went, but then I’d be leaving you and Padfoot alone and I didn’t feel like returning to a blood bath.”

James frowns, although he could see the logic behind Remus’ actions. He doesn’t need to ask why they didn’t send Peter; he didn’t have what it might take to get you away from Barty if it came to that. 

Sirius’ stomach churns when he sees Barty’s arm around you. You appear to be willingly leaning into his side. You are sitting at the edge of the platform, legs hanging over the edge and resting against the bars. Keeping quiet as he lingers in the doorway, he can hear you having a whispered conversation. You were sniffling. After a few minutes of watching them and feeling sick, Sirius makes his presence known.

“Hey, pumpkin,” he says softly, causing both of them to jump at the sound of his voice. “Everyone’s looking for you.”

Barty glares at Sirius. They had never gotten along, especially with Barty being one of Regulus’ closer friends. 

“Piss off, Black. We’re having a conversation,” he spits, still holding onto you although it was a looser grip. 

You had turned your body and propped one of your legs up on the platform. You wipe your nose and sniffle. Now that you were looking at Sirius, he could see that your eyes were red and puffy from crying. 

“Everyone can piss off, actually,” you say, voice shaky. “They can handle a night without me.”

You let your leg fall back over the edge as you turn back to looking over the horizon. Barty follows suit. Sirius walks closer to you and sits down only a short distance away, resting his back against a pillar. 

“Well, I’m not going back without you. So, carry on. I’ll walk you back when you’re ready.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head, not that Sirius saw either. 

“Black, I would’ve thought by now you’d be able to tell when you aren’t wanted,” Barty says, venom dripping from his words. “Get out of here before I make you.”

“Last I checked, she was more my friend than yours,” Sirius replies. 

“Guess you haven’t checked recently.”

Sirius narrows his eyes at Barty as his arm pulls her waist closer to his. 

“Guess fate is being extra cruel tonight,” Barty mutters to you and you nod in agreement. “I’m going to be fine, but are you?”

“Eventually, I assume,” you say. “I just feel defeated, and that doesn’t help.” 

“What did I do?” Sirius asks, knowing that he was what you were referring to.

You and Barty look over at him. 

“The fact that you have to ask…” you sigh with a sniffle. 

“Do you want me to go?” Barty asks.

“Yes,” Sirius answers.

“I wasn’t asking you, Black,” Barty snarls. “Potter? I’m not leaving you with him unless you ask me to.”

Sirius gapes at Barty. The Slytherin seemed genuinely concerned to leave you alone with Sirius, someone you had been alone with many times before. He doesn’t understand why people weren’t trusting him to be around one of his friends. He didn’t think he had done anything to earn that. 

“Stay,” you say.

The one word hits Sirius hard. He feels like he is going to throw up. In what world would you be asking Barty Crouch Jr. to stay? 

“What the hell, love?” Sirius asks. 

You shoot him a hurt look. “Burbage? Really?”

He groans and runs a hand through his hair.

“Is that what this is about? I thought we talked about this.”

You let out a cold and empty laugh. “We talked about this? No. You were just incredibly cryptic about some feelings you may or may not have as you let James run your life.”

“So you get with Crouch?”

You and Barty look at each other and make faces of disgust before slightly pushing away from each other, as if suddenly becoming aware of how close they actually were. 

“We… no. Absolutely not,” you stutter.

“I don’t… I’m taken,” Barty says. 

“He is,” you confirm with a nod.

You scoot back from the ledge, still sitting much closer to Barty than you were to Sirius. Barty does the opposite, leaning further over the railing and slumping like a rag doll. Sirius looks from one to the other. 

“Then what is this?”

“One upset person comforting another?” Barty offers.

“And you’re upset?” Sirius challenges, not quite believing him.

“You don’t seem upset nor are you comforting Potter. So that would leave me being the other upset person. Yes.”

“Whatever. Darling, can we go?”

“No?”

“Hey, come on.”

“No.” 

Barty gives you a wary look. Then he stands up, moving slowly toward the door.

“I’m going… to go. You two… need to talk.”

“Barty, no,” you plead. Your eyes looked ready to cry again. “Please, stay.”

“No, bye bye Barty,” Sirius says, standing up. 

Sirius claps Barty on the shoulder, walks him to the doorway and makes sure he leaves. Then he walks over to you and holds out his hand. 

“Come on, darling. Let’s go.”

You don’t take his hand. You spin where you sit to face away from him. Whenever he moved to be in front of you, you’d spin again. You know you are acting like a stubborn child, but you feel that you’ve earned that. He allows you to act like this for a few minutes before he gest tired of it.

“Pumpkin, come on. If you don’t come with me, I’ll have to go back and James will come get you.”

You make a disgruntled face and finally take Sirius’ hand. 

“What did Junior mean by we need to talk?” Sirius asks as you walk toward the stairs. 

“The Marauders need to get their shit together,” you say, not looking back at him and starting to descend the stairs. 

Sirius follows you, picking up his speed to stay just one step behind you.

“So it’s not just me?”

You stop abruptly. Sirius bumps into you and you have to grab onto the railing to stop yourself from falling.

“Prongs needs to keep himself in check. He needs to stay in his lane. Moony needs to stop getting a girl’s hopes up. You need to go after that one girl you like and stick to her. I’m tired of hearing about a new girl’s tongue down your throat every day.” You pause. You had brought their friend group’s name into it so you had to name everyone. “Wormtail… uh, needs to be less of an idiot. Get him a real sense of humor or something.”

“And you told Junior all of that?”

“Yes.”

You walk the rest of the way back to Gryffindor Tower in silence. Sirius isn’t sure what to say that would make you feel better so he settles on silence. You still sniffled a few times, but they were getting less frequent. You seem to be more furious now than sad, which was something of a win. When you enter the common room, you both keep walking to your individual dorms. You go straight to bed, closing the curtains around so that no one will bother you. Sirius is met with James, Remus and Peter anxiously waiting. 

“Took you damn long enough,” James says as soon as Sirius walks through the doors. “What did that bastard do to her?”

“Gee, no Thanks Padfoot, thanks for getting my sister back safe and sound?” Sirius mocks. His mind is still stuck on what you had said to him about all of them. He sighs. “If what they both said is true, they simply talked. She was crying; he comforted her.”

“What was she crying about?” Peter asks. 

Sirius makes eye contact with Remus. It seems like Remus knew immediately what she was crying about, but Sirius couldn’t bring himself to say it in front of James.

“Coudn’t get it out of her,” he lies. 

---

You follow the girls around Hogsmeade on Saturday. You don’t really care where the group goes and you are able to mostly drown out their conversations. Your brain is empty. It is easier for it to be empty than to think about everything that made you cry the previous night. 

Mary, Lily, Marlene and her girlfriend, Dorcas, carry their own conversations and manage to stick together as a group all day. They don’t seem to notice that you are in your head. They just make sure that you are still tagging along, not left behind anywhere. 

“It’s good to get out of the castle for a good, safe time,” Mary had told you this morning when she insisted that you come instead of rotting in bed all day as you had planned to. 

The group is heading back into Hogsmeade Square from Dogwood and Deathcap when they run into the Marauders in the cemetery. No one questions why they were messing around the tombs. With them, it is better to just accept it and move on with your day. The boys insist that they all go to the Three Broomsticks and end their day with as many butterbeers as they could drink. You, being determined to not talk to any of the boys, pinch the bridge of your nose as the girls enthusiastically agree. Lily hangs back as the boys lead the way to the pub.

“We could probably sneak back to the castle,” Lily mutters to you as you follow the group at a short distance. 

“So you’re delusional,” you reply. “James will most certainly notice you’re gone.” 

“They would notice you’re gone too… Don’t think I haven’t taken note of how quiet you’ve been.”

“I didn’t want to come here in the first place,” you hiss. 

Lily reaches out to grab your hand and interlocked your fingers. “Well, we can suffer through butterbeers together. And then rot in our beds tomorrow.” 

“Lily Evans doesn’t rot,” you snort.

You allow the girl to pull you into the Three Broomsticks after your friends. They somehow managed to push two tables together to accommodate their large group, which is an impressive feat given how busy the pub always was when students visited the village in troves. It doesn’t take long for Madam Rosmerta to get foaming mugs of butterbeer in front of everyone. The group sat divided by gender at the table. You made sure to sit on the same side of the table as James so if you accidentally looked down the table, you had a near impossible chance of making eye contact with him. It helped that he was at the complete opposite end of the table. Although Lily had said you would be suffering through butterbeers together, she is quickly engulfed into an animated conversation with Dorcas, Remus and Peter. Mary and Marlene were listening intently, but didn’t offer much to the conversation. James and Sirius appeared to be in their own world at their end of the table. You were content ignoring everyone’s conversations. 

You slowly sip on your drink, looking around the pub. A handful of Slytherins are sitting at a table in the corner. You somehow manage to catch Barty’s eye and you share a small smile. Next to him sat the blond Evan Rosier and he was throwing back drinks and laughing loudly. You could see what Barty saw in him. There was a certain lightness to him. 

“Mind if I sit here?” a voice asks, bringing your attention to a boy standing at the end of the table with a chair in hand. 

“What?”

You recognize him from classes. Davey Something, Ravenclaw. You never really paid him any attention. 

“Can I sit here? All my friends went back to the castle already.”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Davey, right?” you ask, pulling your mug closer to you.

He sits kitty corner to you, despite there being empty space across from you. You assume that he didn’t know that no one was sitting there. 

“That’s my name,” he replies with a smile. 

He glances down the table to the rest of the Gryffindors and Dorcas. None of them seem to notice or care that someone new has joined their table. 

“Anything interesting going on in Gryffindor Tower lately?” Davey asks, returning his gaze to you. “Most interesting thing to happen in Ravenclaw is a fourth year beat a seventh year in Wizards’ Chess.”

You chuckle and take a sip of your butterbeer.

“Oh, there is always something happening in our tower,” you say. “I slapped James. Argued with him in front of the entire common room. Sirius pulled an all-nighter for no reason. He’s also been snogging anything that moves in a skirt.”

Davey’s smile dips slightly. “Been snogging you?”

“No,” you say with an eye roll, before chuckling as you continue. “James banned him from being within a meter of me for that very reason.”

“That what you argued with him about?”

“Part of it. He’s been acting like I can’t handle myself. Like I had a simple chat with Remus and James threw a fit.”

“He got pissy because you were hanging out with his mates?”

“Yes! That’s also why he got slapped. Those were two different days…” You pause as you glance down the table. “And from what I can tell, he’s still on his bullshit.”

“Definitely is bullshit,” Davey agrees. His brilliant blue eyes looked deep into your eyes. “I think the whole castle knows how capable you are at handling yourself.”

“Do I really have a reputation of more than being the female Potter?” you ask, eyebrows raised.

“Oh, darling, you do.”

“Tell me about it.”

You take a drink of your butterbeer, draining it. Rosmerta is quick to bring around another one and one for Davey as well. You hadn’t noticed that he didn’t have a mug in front of him previously. 

“If you didn’t have Sirius or James as your perpetual dueling partners, you’d have trouble finding one in Defense class. You’re.. too good. It’s almost scary.”

You smile widely with a faint blush on your cheeks. You knew you were good at dueling. That’s why you went off to fight poachers when you knew where they were and didn’t bother buying potion ingredients that could be gathered if you ventured a little further than teachers normally approved. You had also been told by many teachers that you were exceptional at dueling, but hearing from a decently cute boy did something to your ego. 

“From what I’ve heard, you’re amazing in every subject. We don’t have many together anymore. But when we were younger, I remember seeing you taunt James whenever you got a better grade than he did… which was pretty often.”

“What’s the point of having a twin if you can’t be better than him,” you laugh. 

“Are you better than him at quidditch?”

You groan at that question. “No…”

“Darn. I was hoping you could make the Gryffindor team better.”

You lightly hit Davey’s shoulder playfully.

“Gryffindor is a damn good team!”

“Your seeker is trash!”

You take a second to think about who your seeker is. 

“Isn’t he a second year? Cut the kid some slack!”

Davey laughs. “But if he’s the best that tried out? I’m doubting the captain’s skills.”

“Too bad that isn’t a James diss. For some reason he wasn’t made captain this year, but he was last year. Quidditch politics baffle me.”

“I’d try to explain them, but I think they differ by house.”

“You’re not on Ravenclaw’s team?”

“I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have friends who are.”

“James likes to make it his entire personality so I’ve become fairly good at tuning it all out. There are better things to focus on.”

“Yeah? What captures your pretty little brain?”

“During the summer and over breaks, I’m a top-tier chef and baker. I honestly don’t know what my parents eat while we’re at school because I literally make every meal when I’m home.”

“You cook? Isn’t that what house elves are for?”

“Not everyone has, or needs, an elf,” you say firmly. “But, like, cooking is good for distracting my brain. Although I could be better in Potions…”

“You’re in N.E.W.T. level Potions. I’m sure you’re fine,” Davey assures you, placing his hand over yours on the table. “What else do you do besides dueling, cooking and looking beautiful?”

You feel yourself blush more. 

“Merlin, this sounds nerdy, but I really do love learning about obscure magic. Haven’t gotten my hands on any good books yet this year because they are usually deep in the Restricted Section and Pince has been watching it like a hawk.”

“Obscure magic? Very Ravenclaw of you.”

You were trying to not look at his hand that was still on yours. His gaze is fixed intently on you. You have all of his attention.

“I plan on either being an Auror or an Unspeakable after school so a deep understanding of magic is important.” 

“Look at you. Big ambitions.”

You look down at your empty mugs. You aren’t entirely sure when either of you had finished your drinks but apparently you had. You cast a quick glance down the table as well. You don’t know why you are relieved that no one was paying attention to you, all completely engulfed in one large conversation now. 

“Want to get out of here?” you ask, looking back to Davey.

He smiles widely at your suggestion. He stands up and pulls out your chair to help you up.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he whispers into your ear. “Lead the way.”

You take Davey’s hand and you head for the door. You make sure to bump into James’ chair. 

“Oops,” you say with a giggle before pulling Davey out of the pub into the autumn evening. 

James and Sirius watch you leave with equal looks of distaste.

“Where’s she going?” Sirius asks.

“Better yet, who the fuck is she with?” James follows up. 

The rest of the table turns to look but the door has already closed behind you. Despite wanting to follow them, Sirius and James return their attention to the group’s discussion about whether the foul smelling liquid from Gobbstones would cover up the smell of Amortentia. They hadn’t discussed the potion in class yet, but they had heard of the powerful love potion. 

You and Davey walk around Hogsmeade, weaving in between buildings. There’s easy conversation between you, nothing too deep or heavy. You can tell by the way he looks at you and lets his touch linger that he’s looking for something more, but conversation feels so platonic. It feels like two acquaintances getting to know each other, which is what it was. You can’t deny that Davey’s attractive, but there’s no draw to him besides a little bit of attention and maybe some revenge aimed at Sirius and James. You find yourself in the garden outside of the village, walking up to the platform that overlooks the Black Lake. The distant glow of Hogsmeade lights it up just right so it feels far more romantic. As you lean over the ledge, you wonder if Sirius’ method of snogging someone else helps you get over them. Looking at Davey, or his lip if you’re being precise, you debate giving it a shot. 

Then there’s a burst of noise that makes both of you jump and look over your shoulders. You can barely see the Three Broomsticks and the herd of people leaving it. It isn’t hard to tell that they are arguing. You can pick out James, Sirius, Lily and Dorcas’ voices. Both of you stare for a moment before looking back at each other. 

“What do you think happened after we left?” he asks. 

You shrug. “Not sure.”

“Don’t be rash!” Lily yells.

“I’m going to kill him!”

“James! Slow down!” Dorcas yells.

“When I find them, I’m going to kill him!” 

“And I’m helping!” Sirius adds.

“Like hell you are,” James resorts.

“There!” Marlene exclaims, her voice sounding more cheerful than the others. 

You turn to look at Davey nervously when you notice that Marlene is pointing in your direction and the group begins running. James and Sirius shrug off Lily and Dorcas’ grips on them as they tried to hold the boys back. The two are in a full on sprint with the rest of the group jogging behind them. It appeared that they came to the conclusion that none of them could outrun them. 

“Gudgeon, step away from her,” James snarls once he reaches the platform. 

Davey raises his eyebrows at your brother. “Why?”

“Because he bloody told you to, you git,” Sirius adds, heaving from running. 

“But why?” you ask, crossing your arms over your chest as you turn to fully face them. “He came out here with me.”

“And you’re coming back with us,” James says. “Been a long day, time to go home.”

You hum and look at Davey. 

“I think I want to stay out a little longer.”

Davey smiles widely at you and then looks back at James and Sirius. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he throws an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side.

“You boys heard ‘er. She wants to stay.”

“James,” Lily warns as the rest of the group approaches.

She noticed before you that he had started to reach for his wand. James looks at Lily. 

“Lils, you must-” he starts to say, but then Sirius is ripping Davey’s arm off of you and picking you up to throw you over his shoulder. 

Your yelp of surprise is what cut off James’ excuse to Lily. 

“SIRIUS BLACK, YOU PUT ME DOWN!” you holler, trying to remove yourself from his grip.

“Ready to go?” he simply asks the rest of the group.

“Yeah, I’m good,” James answers, much more calm than he had been moments before. 

Davey watches as Sirius carries you in the direction of the castle, followed by James and the rest of the group. Peter and Remus bring up the rear, shooting him glares for having gone near you. While the girls didn’t seem to approve of how Sirius and James had gone about getting you away from Davey or why they had, they do seem to support getting you back to the castle.

“Sirius, are you going to put me down?” you ask, sounding defeated.

“No.”

“Why’d you leave the group?” Dorcas asks, moving into your line of sight.

“Too loud and hot,” you lie. You weren’t about to say that you were looking for a pretty distraction from the irritation your brother and boy carrying you caused you. 

“Just talk to us next time, yeah? We’ll leave,” James says. “Afterall, you know the buddy system.”

“I had a buddy,” you correct him. “Davey is a just fine buddy.”

“A buddy who just wants to get into your pants,” Marlene sings. 

“Huh?”

“He’s just looking for a quick shag, darling,” Mary clarifies. 

“Which is why we came to your rescue!” Sirius says.

“Rescue or ambush?” you grumble. “Maybe I wanted a quick shag too.”

The rest of the walk back to Hogwarts is quiet. Your ribs have grown sore from being slung over Sirius’ shoulder and your head feels light. At one point, you close your eyes and just listen to the crunching of leaves underfoot. 

“Alright, down you go, pumpkin,” Sirius says as you arrive at the entrance to Hogwarts’ grounds. “Figure you can walk from here.” 

He puts you down gently and all you can do is glare at him. You walk slowly into the grounds and the group takes that as a sign that all is well. 

“Marls, come on. I got something for you in the dungeons,” Dorcas says, grabbing Marlene’s hand and pulling her toward the castle.

The rest of the group follows suit, picking up their pace to get inside the warmth of the castle. You, however, keep your slow pace. You certainly aren’t in the mood to be sitting with them around the fire in the common room after you were literally hauled back. Sirius is the only one who lingers with you. 

“You alright?” he asks quietly, bumping shoulders with you. 

You sigh and look up at him. Damn those grey eyes and how warm they make you feel.

“Just tired of James acting like he controls my life.”

Sirius nods and takes a deep breath. 

“Come with me,” he says and holds out his hand for you to take. 

You hesitate. Your mind is screaming both to take it and to slap it away. How dare he offer his hand to you after being the one to carry you back? But, also, he was offering it to you, giving you the choice to take it. So you do. You take his hand and let him lead you down some stairs to a secluded area near the greenhouses. Light shimmers through their windows, giving the small clearing a subtle glow. 

“I think James would back off you a bit if I stopped listening to him about some things,” Sirius mutters, standing in front of you. A gentle hand tucks some of your hair behind your ear and lingers there for a moment.

He’s looking at you like he did that day on the couch, like you were the only one who existed in all of Hogwarts, in all of the world. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you tried to understand what he was saying. All of your focus was on the hand that softly held your cheek. He takes a step toward you and before you can process anything, his lips are brushing up against yours. It’s soft and gentle and momentary. 

“I think I can tolerate him more if you do that again,” you mumble.

And he does. The second is still soft and gentle, but it lasts longer. It only deepens slightly when he places his other hand on your waist. Sirius is holding you with a featherlight touch like he doesn’t want to break you, but his hand never leaves your cheek. Inside, despite what you just said, he fears that if he lets go, you will disappear and leave him. 

“You could never be a checked box. Because you’re everything,” Sirius whispers.

“Then stop with your stupid list, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

"Good, because I think I like this a little too much."

[galaxy-stardust]

Simon Ghost Riley x you

Part 4

"I'm leaving"

After that night, nothing was the same.

I had thought I was in control—thought that I could keep this secret, this dangerous attraction to Ghost, buried deep within me. But every time I closed my eyes, his presence consumed me. Every time I walked through the halls of the hospital, my mind was torn between pretending to be the dutiful wife and wanting to give in to the man who had marked me, body and soul.

Ghost and I began meeting in secret. Every stolen moment, every whispered conversation behind closed doors, was more electrifying than the last. He never pushed me for more, but the tension between us grew each time we saw each other. He never asked about my life, my marriage, yet it was clear from his actions that he wasn’t looking for anything casual.

At night, I would sneak out to meet him in dark, hidden corners of the city, away from the prying eyes of my husband. We never went to the same place twice, never lingered long enough to be seen. But when I was with him, I forgot everything else. There were no responsibilities, no obligations. There was only *us*.

And when I kissed him—when his hands roamed my body, when his lips devoured mine—I felt wanted in a way I hadn’t in years.

But then came the day I was dreading.

I was sitting at my desk, going through the usual paperwork, when my phone buzzed. It was a message from Ghost:

*I’m leaving.*

I stared at the screen, my heart skipping a beat. There was no explanation, no detail. Just those three words.

I quickly typed back: *When? Where? Why?*

A few moments later, another message appeared:

*Mission. Can’t say more.*

My chest tightened.

I had known this moment would come. The man who lived a life so dangerous, so full of secrecy and risk, couldn’t stay in one place for long. But that didn’t make it any easier.

I slipped out of my office, my pulse hammering in my ears as I made my way to the emergency exit. We’d always met in the shadows, but this time, it felt different. I needed to see him before he left, needed to know that this—whatever it was—was real.

As I rounded the corner near the hospital’s back parking lot, I spotted him leaning against his motorcycle, waiting for me in the dim light. The mask, that damned skull mask, hid his face as always, but I could see the stiffness in his posture, the tension that radiated off him. He was waiting for me to say something.

“I got your message,” I said, my voice trembling despite my efforts to stay calm.

He nodded, not offering a smile, just a simple acknowledgment.

“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

His blue eyes met mine, unreadable yet filled with something I couldn’t quite decipher. “It’s not about what we want,” he said, his voice gruff, like he was struggling with the words. “It’s about what I have to do.”

I stepped closer, my heart aching. “I… I don’t want this to end, Ghost. I don’t want you to leave.”

He pushed off from the motorcycle, his hand reaching for me. The moment his fingers brushed my skin, I felt a heat surge through me, but it was different this time. There was a certain finality in his touch. He wasn’t just pulling me close; he was marking me, reminding me of the boundary we couldn’t cross.

“You knew this wasn’t forever.” His voice softened, but there was still that edge, that command in his tone. “I never promised you anything. This was always meant to be temporary.”

“I know…” I whispered, feeling the sting of reality cut through the fantasy I’d let myself fall into.

He cupped my cheek gently, his thumb tracing the outline of my jaw. His touch was both tender and possessive, like he was memorizing the feel of me before he left. “You’ll be fine,” he murmured. “You always are.”

I nodded, my throat tight.

“I’ll be back,” he said, though it sounded more like a warning than a promise.

I reached up, my fingers brushing his mask. He didn’t pull away, just stood there, letting me touch him in my own way.

For a long moment, we just stood there, a silent understanding passing between us. The world felt like it was on pause.

And then, without another word, he turned and walked away, his boots echoing in the night as he climbed onto his motorcycle and vanished into the darkness.

I stood there for what felt like hours, my heart heavy, my mind consumed with the reality of what had just happened.

And then I remembered—I still had a life to return to. A husband, a routine. And I knew, deep down, that when Ghost left, part of me would go with him.

Part 5

[multiversefanfics]

Best Friends (Part 2)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Best Friend!Reader

Summary: You and Steve are best friends, but your friendship is tested when someone tells you he has feelings for you.

Best Friends (Part 1)

You woke up in your bed, trying to figure out how you got there, what day it was, what time. It was one of those sleeps, that deep sleep where when you wake up and you forget your own damn name. You grabbed your phone and checked the time, 2:30pm!? You jumped out of bed, quickly getting dressed, you were late for training, you texted Bucky letting him know you overslept and that you’ll be in the gym as soon as possible. You ran down the stairs and into the gym where Bucky was already starting his training “I’m so sorry, I overslept.” He smiled and nodded “It’s okay, I just started.” You were a little suspicious, Bucky would normally groan and make some sarcastic comment but he didn’t he smiled at you. You shrugged it off, and started your workout, usually you would listen to music but for some reason Bucky wanted to talk. “You and Steve have been getting pretty cozy lately.” You slowed down the treadmill to a walk “We’re best friends, that’s it.” Bucky chuckled “Steve is my best friend” You rolled your eyes and looked over at him “We can share, and besides so what you know I have a huge crush on him but he doesn’t feel the same way. So I’m trying to move on.” You shrugged your shoulders getting off of the treadmill, moving over to the punching bag, Bucky quickly followed. “All I’m saying is, don’t give up. Us men. We’re a little slow sometimes.” You groaned quietly placing your forehead on the punching bag “Dude, Im here to train not talk about my crush on Steve, so please can you drop it?” Bucky threw his hands up and walked away, you’ve never seen Bucky give up so fast before, it almost makes you think he’s hiding something from you. Bucky is also unpredictable, so this very well could be normal. You finished your workout and went back to your room for a shower.

Later on that day, you, Steve, and Bucky were sitting in the living room talking about a mission Steve was gonna be on, it was mainly them talking you would speak up every once in a while but ultimately you weren't listening, you were in your own little world thinking about the conversation you and Bucky had in the gym. Why was he so worried about your crush on Steve, did Bucky like you? No can't be Bucky is a very outspoken person although very private he would've told you if he liked you. You couldn't shake what he said, I mean men are a little slow but why would Bucky openly admit that. You realized you were zoning out when you felt 2 pair of eyes on you, you looked over and smiled "Sorry I was lost in thought." Steve chuckled and pat your head "It's okay, all I said was I won't be back until Saturday I was hoping we could watch movies when I came back" You nodded your head “Yeah, that sounds great.” He smiled at you then went off to go do something you weren’t really listening, you tried but you still couldn’t wrap your head around how Bucky was acting earlier “Whatcha thinking about over there?” Your head snapped towards Bucky’s direction but you didn’t make eye contact, you looked past him hoping he couldn’t see the gears turning in your head “Oh, I figured I’d get a jump on what movie we’d watch.” Bucky nodded like he didn’t believe you, and how could he, you weren’t very convincing. “You know you can tell me anything right?” You nodded and stood up to leave “I want to talk, I just need to gather my thoughts first.” Bucky nodded and watched you walk away, he wanted to follow but he knew that you’d talk to him when you were ready. You stayed in your room the rest of the day, you were trying to figure out how to ask Bucky if he likes you and if he does, you gotta figure out how to let him down so you two will still be friends, you valued your friendship more than anything in the entire world you would never jeopardize that and you know he wouldn’t either.

You got up and walked back down to the living room hoping Bucky would be there alone, and there he was sitting down with Steve watching a movie “Hey, where was my invite?” You pouted playfully plopping down between them “We’re sorry, doll we thought you were sleeping” doll? Bucky has never called you doll before you were confused but you also felt Steve’s leg tense up beside you, what the hell was going on with them, you rolled your eyes and stood up “Since neither of you smart guys got snacks, I’ll be in the kitchen making popcorn.” You walked over to the kitchen and started making popcorn. “Doll? Are you kidding me Bucky?” Bucky smirked and looked over at Steve “Funny how Friday is your cutoff day and you won’t be back until Saturday.” Steve tensed up again “This isn’t fair I have a mission.” Bucky nodded and looked at you struggling to open the popcorn bag “True, but you also had a day before you mission to tell her.” He slowly turned his head looking back at Steve, who was just staring he knew he should’ve done it already, and if he doesn’t do it tonight, Bucky would. Finally, you came back to them and sat down with a huge bowl of popcorn “So, what are we watching?” You looked between them then back at the screen “Sam suggested Scream, so we thought we’d give it a shot.” You nodded and glued your eyes to the screen, every so often the boys would jump at a scary part to which you would giggle, they fought some pretty scary stuff and they find this movie scary. When the movie was over Bucky suggested another scary movie but Steve wasn’t having it “I’m going to bed, you guys have fun.” You watched as he stood up and walked away “Goodnight, Steve” You turned towards Bucky looking at him “We need to talk.” Bucky looked up at you “Uh oh, I’m in trouble.” You shook your head, giggling a bit. “No no, uh I don’t know how to say this.” He raised his eyebrow “What’s wrong?” You shifted in your seat “I need to know how you feel about me” He furrowed his eyebrows “What do you mean?” You sighed throwing your head back “Do you like me?” He chuckled and nodded “Well, yeah.” You shook your head “No, I mean do you like me like me?” He thought for a second confused, then it hit him and it sent him into a fit of laughter “Oh god, no Y/N don’t get me wrong you’re amazing and very beautiful but you are like a sister to me and our friendship is too valuable to me.” You let out a breath “Thank god, I said the same thing I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship” You smiled wide and leaned over and hugged him, when you pulled back Bucky looked over, you followed his eyeline and there was Steve, he looked upset he didn’t say a word he just walked away. You were confused “What was that about?” You looked over at Bucky who had his head down “Shit, shit” He mumbled under his breath, he got up and ran to Steve’s room, when he got to his door he heard things being thrown around he walked in watching Steve throw his pillows around the room “Steve, calm down.” Steve was now pacing around the room, Bucky knew how much you meant to Steve, but Steve didn’t know that the hug was strictly platonic. “Steve, get a grip.” He stopped pacing and looked at Bucky “Get a grip? What the hell was that down there?!” Bucky put his hands out keeping the distance between them comfortable. “You need to tell her how you feel, she’s getting suspicious and she thought I had a crush on her.” Steve relaxed and sat down on his bed “Bucky, I have never been so nervous in my life. I have to tell her, but I need more time please.” Bucky shook his head “We had a deal, and we’re sticking to it.” Steve threw his head back “Fine. I’ll tell her in the morning.” Bucky nodded and put his hands down “Are you okay?” Steve nodded “I’m sorry for blowing up like that.” Bucky shrugged and chuckled “It’s okay, I understand.”

It was the next morning, and Steve is no where to be found he said he would say goodbye before leaving but it looks like he already left, you saw Bucky walk into the kitchen “Hey, is Steve still sleeping?” Bucky raised an eyebrow “He didn’t say goodbye to you?” You shook your head, you could see in Bucky’s face he was pissed but you didn’t know why, you didn’t question it either, it was better if you didn’t. He walked away and left you there wondering what was going on, why didn’t Steve say goodbye? Was it because he saw you hug Bucky the night before and now thinks that you two are a thing? What is going on?! The next few days seemed to fly by, although Steve was only gone for 2 days you still missed him and couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow night when he comes home, you missed the nightly movie, the cuddles, the snack, his laugh, smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles big, his smile was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and you couldn’t help but blush at the thought of him smiling because of you. Suddenly you were pulled from your thoughts by a knock at your bedroom door, you knew it wasn’t Steve because he has a special knock, yeah corny I know but you loved it. You walked over and opened the door revealing Bucky “Hey what’s up?” Bucky looked like he was up to something but then again when isn’t he. “We gotta talk.” You nodded and stepped aside letting him come in, he didn’t sit down even though there were many comfy chairs just spread out “Steve likes you.” You froze while you were shutting the door “W-What?” You finally looked over at Bucky and he’s staring straight at you “Scratch that, Steve is in love with you.” Your throat got dry and made it hard to swallow “Why are you telling me this?” You couldn’t move, no matter how hard you tried you just couldn’t, Bucky sighed and walked over to stand in front of you. “He was supposed to tell you this morning and yesterday, and for the past year.” Your eyes widen, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Steve loves you, you love him too but you always thought it was one sided. “Okay, okay what do i do?” That’s when Bucky started to smile and that was scary sometimes “Steve actually comes back tonight, so why don’t we put together a little movie night.” You shook your head “No, I gotta do something big. Meet me on the roof in an hour.” He nodded and you both went your separate ways.

You went to the store picking up all the snacks he likes, you got him some flowers, you thought that might’ve been too girly but who doesn’t love getting flowers? You got some LED lights and candles a couple cute stuffed animals, you’ve never done this for anyone before and you were glad it was for Steve, he meant the world to you. You got back to the compound and went straight to the roof, where Bucky was setting up a white sheet and a projector he looked over at you and smiled “You look amazing.” You thanked him and looked around “Bucky this is great” You stood in awe as you watched him finish tacking the sheet to “Yeah, well don’t tell Tony about this he warned me before not to.” You smiled and set up the lights and candles you didn’t light them yet just in case he was late, laying out the comforter and pillows you two will be leaning on, you set up the bowls and put the snacks in them along with the various drinks you got because you couldn’t decide on what to get. You stood back admiring the cute scene in front of you “This is so cute it’s making me sick.” You playfully shoved Bucky’s shoulder rolling your eyes. “Just send Steve up when he gets here, tell him to come up here immediately” Bucky nodded and went downstairs to wait, you looked around smiling “I hope this goes well.” 2 hours went by and you got a text from Bucky saying Steve was on his way up, you hurried and lit all the candles and stood there waiting for him, you tapped your fingertips against the outside of your thighs you could hear him grunting at the top of the stairs before he opened the door “Hey, Bucky said- Woah what’s all this?” You took a deep breath and stared at him smiling wide “I like you too, Steve.” His eyes widened as he dropped his bag “Bucky told you?” You nodded watching him walk towards you “Believe me, Y/N I wanted to tell you I promise it just wasn’t the right time-“ You cut him off by placing your lips against his, Steve had a tendency to ramble on and on apologizing about nothing. Steve finally kissed you back, wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him. The kiss was innocent and sweet yet there was something that laid beneath it that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, you wanted Steve in more than just a physical way, you wanted him for everything he is, mind, body, soul, his personality was the thing that struck you as hard as a rock, he was everything you’ve ever dreamt of and more. The two of you pulled back, breathless and happy “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that.” You smiled up at Steve, then led him to your makeshift bed where you two talked, laughed and watched your favorite movies together.

A/N: I hope you guys like it.

I hope you don’t mind me tagging you guys: @megamindsecretlair @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist - Steve Rogers Masterlist

[kiwiana-writes]

Ooooh please can I ask you about the rockstar!Alex WIP? I cannot explain how INVESTED in that AU, I gobbled up all the snippets of it that you've posted 👀

ABSOLUTELY you can, because I’m also invested in that one 😅

So this fic started out as a tumblr game. The basic idea was “send me an idea for a fake AU and I’ll give you five facts about that AU.” And @tintagel-or-cockleshells sent me “An AU in which Henry and Alex are exes, also Alex is a rockstar who puts a lot of himself into his songwriting. And there’s a happy ending.”

And… here’s the thing. Up to this point, I’d never had a conversation with tintagel one on one. I’d commented on some of her stuff, she’d commented on some of mine, we’d reblog each others WIP snippets on tumblr. We didn’t know each other outside of that. But EVERY DAMN TIME I did games like this, she would ALWAYS come in with something that made me REALLY wanna game fail and actually write whatever it was. She was just impressively tapped in to the sorts of things that make my brain go brrrrrr 😂

The other thing about tintagel is that she’s on, effectively, an opposite timezone to me. So by the time I answered the ask, she was already in bed. I also hit post on the answer and then immediately went into an hour-long meeting…

And came out of said meeting to like 40 notifications and a DEEP sense of confusion until I actually opened them. It popped off, and I absolutely succumbed to the peer pressure. Which meant that by the time tintagel was back online in her morning, this fic had run the full gamut from “this is a fake AU” to “this has a google doc and oh my god I think I’m writing original songs send help”.

At first I thought it would be MOSTLY epistolary, because I was really attached to #3, and then I had a brainwave about how I could make that epistolary, so… now it’s fully epistolary. I’m gonna have to create MULTIPLE new skins for this sucker. As well as like… recording original songs, because I have never made a sensible decision in my life.

And if you think I can’t inflict immense emotional damage via epistolary, I have a lot of Schitt’s Creek pals who would be HAPPY to prepare you for the Suffering ™️😂

[Sleepover weekend!]

[fizzywashere87]

hsjwjdjjw HIM brainrot 💖💖

—————

cont. 19th october (timeskip):

classes ended soon enough, and all of us walked down the stairs to the ground floor.

we stood outside the building, talking and laughing, like always, as we waited for each of them to get picked up by their parents, because they lived farther away.

[h] (our other friend who lives closer) split ways from us soon, as we began walking home.

[s] always drops me home before walking to his house, because he lives close. as we were walking to my house, one of the guys from our school, [m], who my friends thought liked me, was also behind us. he lived in the same apartment as I did, and went to the same prep school too.

he was always kind of weird, though, and definitely did not understand the concept personal space whatsoever. and I did not like him at all.

[s] knew this, and thought [m] was creepy too. so, once we had decided to fake date in front of [m], so he’d leave me alone. but we hadn’t seen him until today.

[s] held my hand suddenly, and kept swinging it.

“you’re gonna break my ball and socket joint!” I yelled, as he swung our arms in circles.

“oh, smartypants! stop studying so much,” he complained at my use of ‘ball and socket joint’ instead of just ‘shoulder’.

[m] caught up with us in a while, and [s] whispered to me, smiling, “he probably saw all that.”

I hope he did.

[m] got into the elevator, and waited for me.

“oh, she’ll come later, you can go. good night,” [s] smiled, and [m] nodded quietly, letting the automatic door close.

as soon as [m] left, we started laughing.

the next elevator was taking too long to come down, so we decided to walk up eight floors to my house.

such a bad idea.

“I should never have stopped going for athletics classes,” I whined.

“how are you already tired? we’re literally still at the 3rd floor!” he laughed.

“shut up!”

he pulled our hands together, lacing his fingers through mine. “you don’t even know how to hold hands,” he rolled his eyes.

“excuse me, I hold hands with [a] (my classmate and girl bsf at school) everyday,” I said. he rolled his eyes again.

“you know that prank? one day i’d propose to you, and you’d think it was a joke, but i’d be serious? and then you’d say ‘yes’ and we’d end up being legally married?” he said, laughing.

“OH! that’s literally the plot of a book I saw on instagram!” I said, and explained a book plot to him.

the whole time our fingers were interlaced, I almost forgot about it.

we reached the eighth floor, and I said, “you should come say hi to my mum. she hasn’t seen you in two weeks. it’s the weekend anyway, come on. you’ll need my parents’ blessings if you wanna get married to me anyway,” I smirked.

“oh, i’m coming, fine, but don’t worry. I already have their blessings,” he smirked back at me. I mumbled a ‘whatever’ and rang my door bell.

the next 20 minutes were spent in conversation between my parents and him about how studies were going, and slowly the topic of the conversation shifted to the latest movies being released.

I could get used to this sight forever, I thought.

—————

(more coming later!!)

gah damn why is she writing this with fanfic terms

LMAO

STOP NOT THE FAKE DAYING

You make me so mad now how can u he like this with him and refuse to confess i hate you

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG UR ALREADY TALKING ABT MARRIAGE

[terriyakiblack]

A few years back I made a bingo card set for my guys and I just rediscovered those and wanted to talk about them.

RANDOM SERIOUS LORE DISCUSSION

We used to have a ‘problem’ where we would get distracted by talking about the lore of the game. Probably my fault.

CREW LORE

Almost certainly my fault is the crew lore we were making up. I was getting pretty deep into DYTSHF at this point so that makes sense.

PVP TURNS INTO LEARNING LESSON

I’m not sure how this happened but we had a habit of running into newer players or those who played less frequently and something would happen and we’d either stop attacking them or not attack them in the first place. Instead, we’d teach them something useful, generally stuff like good habits for how to stop your ship (sails up, anchor up), some tips on how to use your manners to hopefully talk someone out of murdering you, that sort of thing. I can’t tell you how often we used to run across people who benefitted far more from us taking the ten minutes to interact with them to talk to them over robbing them. Don’t get me wrong, we often robbed them anyhow, a payment for the knowledge we shared or a straight up “we win the fight here” statement, but… that happened a lot. I’m sure I have some videos saved.

SOMEONE SNEEZES OR BURPS AGGRESSIVELY

I guess when you sail with crazy dudes this happens. I’m responsible for the sneezes, though.

BANANA BANDIT

SO THIS ONE’S REALLY FUNNY. Back in the day, ship barrels didn’t float after a ship was sunk. If you wanted someone’s supplies, which we never called ‘sups’ then, you had to take them while they were still “alive.” We, uh, we absolutely spawn camped a number of crews in order to slurp up their supplies before sinking them / they scuttled. Even funnier, sometimes I’d send the guys to go tuck and they’d check our rivals’ supplies and banana bandit them before I brought the gally in to sink a ship whose crew had nothing but what was in their pockets.

SOMEONE’S DOWN BAD FOR FLAMEHEART JR

My crew is full of skeleton fuckers. I don’t know what you want from me.

FOF POPS

For the longest time, we had a problem with wanting to do Forts of Fortune. Whether it was just because they were high value world events that were rare or what, I’m not sure, but all the time they’d spawn when we were done after an all-day session or when we were busy doing something else, like chasing someone we knew to have loot. Every time.

SOMEONE GOES FULL PUMPKIN

One of the guys’ wife has this thing where she calls getting super sleepy “going full pumpkin.” I know I was told the story of where that came from, but I can’t recall what it was. Now we just say that for the whole crew.

SOMETHING SOMETHING (NOVEL)

Definitely my fault. I’m the only one who’s read the novels so I’d often comment on something relevant to the conversation from one or something.

AFK BEFORE A FIGHT/KRAKEN

It got weird just how often someone would do this. The kraken went for anyone, but whenever I got up, it was almost always a crazy PvP fight that would start.

(Teri) MAKES SOME WEIRD OBSCURE LORE REFERENCE

I’ve, uh, I’ve dug really deep into the SoT lore research and it shows sometimes.

SHROUDED/SHADOWMAW PTSD

A good long whiles back, we had a shadowmaw megalodon on us. We were at Fort of the Damned, and despite almost touching the island with our galleon, this meg was still charging us. We had to kill it because it was, as we say instead of it being buggy, it was so aggressive.

Shrouded gets mentioned ‘cause of the guy that cries wolf all the time. This was back when the shrouded didn’t have unique music.

SOMETHING SOMETHING LOST SANDS BUT IF REAPERS WON

I don’t think Lost Sands was purposefully rigged, but the Hunters side did have that exploit. Also, Rare’s own channels couldn’t tell us what did and didn’t give each side points.

Huh, I’m still actually kinda mad about that. Not that we lost, but how badly it was handled. Huh.

SOMETHING (G) MISSED (free space)

One of our guys had to go to a military basic training for a while there, a good… four months? And this was just after Adventures had started, so he missed out on some good shit like Shrouded Deep.

(Z) PLAYS THE BANJO INSTEAD OF HELPING

PvE in SoT isn’t a problem for us. But once, I joined someone when he was AFK sailing a sloop for voyage miles. It was being attacked by the kraken. He, however, was just downstairs playing the banjo. That’s it. That’s all he was doing.

This started a running gag. What’s important is that one day after a galleon-sized fishing trip at Mermaid’s Hideaway, we were sailing to the nearest Sea Post. The storm was in our way. Instead of helping deal with the holes being popped in the ship, he’s been playing the banjo. He makes a comment about us being at a 45 degree tilt. But, it’s fine, and “There’s no kraken so I’ll keep playing the banjo.”

The kraken, in case you were unawares, is a non-issue on a sloop. Sloop kraken is cry-baby easy mode. It takes 2-3 tentacles to win against it. Against a galleon, you have to get all of them. On a galleon, the kraken can (or at least used to) wrap a tentacle above the entrance to the lower decks, stopping you from bucketing…

And those words? Those words summoned it.

And Z just starts hysterically laughing while he keeps playing his banjo…

SOMEONE KEGS A FRIENDLY

I don’t know how it started, it’s something from when I started playing, but we like bombing each other. Sometimes this comes at the expense of the ship.

HIT REG

Way, way back in the day hit registration was way worse. Like, more hits didn’t count than those that did. It was awful.

“GUYS”

The guys like to be guys. Sometimes the wives join in. My response to shenanigans is often just, “GUYS��”

SHIPWRECK OR FLOTSAM COMING UP

As a busy Reaper galleon, we often scour the map. That means we don’t stop for Barrels o’ Plenty or shipwrecks, but I will have the crew empty their pockets and jump off for a handful of goodies ‘cause both of these sources are great for meat and cursed cannonballs.

BASTARDISATION OF “BALLAD OF THE MER”

I don’t know why they do this. I just don’t. ‘Tis funny, though.

CREW GETS DISTRACTED 25 MINUTES INTO SESSION

We often have a plan for when we hop on. Quite often, that plan falls apart.

RIVAL CREW IS TOXIC AS FUCK

It’s not often that we run into toxicity, but when we do, you can bet we pull our panties up and shit all over them.

GMU/MA DISCUSSION

The Sovereigns’ introduction sparked some interesting conversation. The papers they look at when players aren’t near them bear a Grand Maritime Union symbol on them, so… -squints- And then, someone who worked for them created the Merchant Alliance, so, yeah.

“(Y), STRIKE HIM.”

Crazy guy who went to basic training is… insane. For a long while, I was telling his wife to strike him for his obsurdities. Now she squirts him with a spray bottle.

SOMEONE MAKES AN ANNOYING NOISE/PHRASE

Self-explanatory. Sometimes, the guys just wanna aggravate me or others for shits and giggles.

[singledarkshade]

Missing People

Part Three

(Part One and Part Two)

“You know how Daniel is when he’s sure he’s right,” Jack noted to Sam, “And how he feels about Sha’re. She may have died years ago but he still loves her.”

“But this is probably a trap,” Sam reminded him, “You wouldn’t have agreed to this.”

Jack chuckled, “Not at first but he’d persuade me he’s right. And I would always have his back. You know Daniel as well as I do, and you know he’ll go whether you’re there or not. Have his back, Carter but he will probably need you.”

“Yes, sir,” Sam sighed.

As he hung up, Sam turned to Pete.

“Should I ask?” he said.

Sam grimaced, “Don’t.”

“From what I’ve seen of him, Daniel is capable of looking after himself,” Pete reminded her, “Besides, I can understand why he’s so intent on this.”

Sam watched him twist his wedding ring around and she sighed.

“I didn’t ask,” she said, “What’s her name? How did you meet?”

Pete grinned, “Her name is Carrie, and we met in a café. She was studying for the bar exam there since her friends owned it and was getting questioned on some things that I’d spent all morning working on. I chuckled at the coincidence; she got annoyed at me but when I explained we kept talking.”

“She’s a lawyer?”

Pete nodded proudly, “And a damned good one. The reason I transferred here is because she got a job with one of the biggest firms in Colorado Springs.”

“I’m really happy for you,” Sam told him sincerely.

Smiling Pete replied, “As bad as it felt at the time, I know for a fact if we’d made it through the wedding, we’d have been divorced very quickly. I’m glad you broke it off before we went through that.”

~

Daniel took a deep breath before he walked into the room they’d been using at the police station. He had left to get some reference material and to calm down after his discussion with Sam

He knew she wouldn’t agree with him, Sam never understood what losing Sha’re had done to him. The fact someone was using her memory to entice people away from their homes and family was something he couldn’t stand for.

Walking in he was slightly relieved to see Sam wasn’t there, Pete was reading over one of the files.

“Hi,” Daniel said.

“Have you calmed down?” Pete asked, “Because I want to be somewhere else if you and Sam are going to have a second round.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, “I’m perfectly calm.”

“Good,” Pete replied, “So, we have a few hours until this meeting takes place. Sam is reporting to Landry, I’m checking the plans for the building, and we’ll give you a comm link so that we can hear everything but need to make sure they can’t find it.”

Letting out a soft laugh, Daniel explained to Pete at his confused look, “There was a time in my life I never thought I would be wearing a wire for an undercover operation.”

“There was a time in my life I never knew there were actual aliens that took over people,” Pete threw back, “Life is weird these days.”

“You can say that again.”

                             *********************************************

The building where the meeting was being held was well-lit and didn’t give off any of the worrying vibes that Daniel had learned to recognise over the years.

But as he walked in with the other people, there was something that felt off and he didn’t know how to put it into words. Besides if he said anything, Sam would use it as an excuse to stop him going and he wanted to find out what they were going to say this time.

“Daniel,” Pete said in his ear, “We’re in a van just outside and listening in. If you need help, let us know and we’ll be there instantly.”

“No problem,” he replied, taking a deep breath, “Into the breach.”

Walking in, Daniel looked around but there was nothing stood out to him. He found a seat near the back, grimacing as a group of college girls took the seats at his side in the middle of a conversation. Several more people followed and soon the room was almost full.

The lights dimmed and the group beside him stopped talking as a woman walked to the front of the room. Different from the woman who gave the original lecture, older with long blonde hair, she wore a long black and white dress and reminded him a bit of one of his foster mothers.

“Welcome,” she said, “It is so wonderful that you all came tonight to learn the truth. The truth that they have tried to hide about our beautiful Goddess by those who believe themselves in power.”

Daniel frowned; he hoped they were recording all this because he’d need to listen back later for anything he missed because he knew this was going to annoy him.

“As the email explained, The Hidden One, our beautiful Goddess Ammonet brings us the truth,” she continued, “And tonight, she has brought us another gift.”

She paused and walked to the centre of the room, “She brought us the man who discovered that truth, Dr Daniel Jackson.”

Daniel froze as the lights turned on and all heads turned to him.

It was a trap, and he’d walked right into it.

~

“So,” Daniel said as he was marched along a corridor beneath the building, “Am I getting a name, or do I have to make one up for you.”

The woman at his side smiled, “I am Ilana, handmaiden of the Goddess Ammonet.”

“You mean the dead parasite, Ammonet,” Daniel stated.

“It is only because of who you are that you are not killed instantly for such blasphemy,” Ilana said coldly, “Your connection to our Goddess grants you a small measure of clemency but only so much.”

Daniel let out a sarcastic laugh, “You mean because the woman she infected was my wife.”

Ilana stopped them moving, grabbing Daniel’s chin in her hand, “I suggest if you wish to see her then you will remain silent for the rest of our journey.”

Wrenching his face away, Daniel glared at her, taken by surprise when she slapped him slamming his head into the wall. Shaking himself, Daniel felt ice fill him as her eyes glowed.

“If you’re hoping whoever was with you will come to your rescue,” Ilana smirked, removing his earpiece, “Then you will be sorely disappointed. The frequency of your earpiece was easy to find, and a fake lecture is being relayed to them. By the time they realise, we will be long gone.”

She dropped his link to Sam and Pete onto the ground, before crushing it with her foot.

Hands grabbed him and Daniel was forced forward once more. He was marched to a van and pushed inside.

Sam was going to be so smug that she was right.

                             *********************************************

Sam yawned as she sat listening in to the woman talking about the pyramids and, from she could tell, basically regurgitating Daniel’s research. She’d read it back when he’d been recruited for the programme, and, despite her telling Catherine it was best not to hire him, the older woman had. And Sam would be forever grateful she did because he had become her brother over the years.

“How long have we been listening to this?” Pete asked, rubbing his eyes,

“Five minutes,” Sam told him.

He groaned and dropped his head on this hand, “I hated history at school, this is like the flashback from hell.”

Sam grimaced, “I love Daniel, but I don’t get his fascination with the past. Never tell him but I have the tendency to zone out during some of his talks.”

Pete laughed before telling her with mock seriousness, “Your secret is safe.”

Sam nodded.

“Do you think it would have been better if we could see the slides?” Pete asked boredly after a few more minutes.

“Honestly,” Sam said, “No.”

Pete groaned and checked his watch as Sam crossed her arms, letting the words wash over her just waiting for Daniel to call to them.

~

Daniel got out the van and walked without protest into the building his captors pushed him towards. He knew he probably should try to escape but he really wanted to know what was going on and what the connection was to Sha’re as well as his work.

Ilana led him into a room and turned to the men who had marched Daniel inside waving them away. Daniel looked around and spotted what appeared to be a shrine sitting at the back of the room. There was what looked like a glass sarcophagus with someone inside, he couldn’t see who it was, because it was surrounded by candles and flowers.

Uncertainly Daniel moved slowly towards the glass coffin, wanting to see inside but also dreading what he was would find when he did. He bit back the gasp when he found himself staring at his wife’s body. She had been dressed in a gold gown, her long black hair was spread out over the white pillow framing her face, there were small golden flowers threaded along the strands. She looked as though she was simply sleeping, he half-expected her to open her eyes and smile at him.

“What the hell did you do?” he demanded, turning angrily to the woman who was watching him.

Ilana laughed, “Did you really think that Apophis would allow his Queen, his Goddess, to be destroyed by lower beings.”

“You do realise I know that the Gould are parasites and not gods,” Daniel sighed, “Right? You’re whole pretending to be omnipotent schtick is useless with me.”

“Blasphemy,” she snapped.

Daniel rolled his eyes before he demanded, “What did you do?”

“I retrieved her,” Ilana said pride dripping from each word, “And now she waits. The moment will arrive then she will rise again to destroy you and your friends with swipe of her hand.”

Daniel looked around at the flowers and candles surrounding the glass box Sha’re was being kept in before he turned back to Ilana.

“You’ve not got a sarcophagus,” he realised, before he shook his head, “So, you’ve left her here for people treat like an object to worship.”

“You buried a Goddess and left her to rot,” Ilana retorted, “The most beautiful Goddess who I pledged my life to.”

Clenching his fists, Daniel spat at her, “I buried my wife. Who was taken from me by the snakes with delusions of grandeur. And you desecrated her grave to use her as what? A prop?”

Ilana laughed, “She will rise again, and she shall destroy those who dared defy her to show her worshippers what happens when you disobey our Goddess.”

Forcing himself to stay calm, Daniel knew he had to keep her talking, until Sam realised that he was gone from the lecture hall and would be able to track him.

                             *********************************************

“How the hell did neither of you realise he was missing until an hour after he was gone?” Jack snapped.

Sam winced, “They hacked our feed, so we heard what we were expecting to hear.”

“Where is Detective Shanahan?” Landry asked.

“Back at the station getting his tech team to check into how they managed it,” Sam told them, “And seeing if they can give us any information on where they took Daniel.”

Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose annoyed, “What about his tracker?”

“We can’t find it,” Sam stated, “Wherever they are, they have something that is interfering with the signal. The Daedalus will be close enough soon to use the augmented sensors to try to cut through it.”

Landry nodded, “Until then try everything you can to find him.”

“Yes, sir,” Sam said.

She left the office and headed to her lab, a few moments later Jack appeared at her side.

“What do you want to say?” Jack asked.

Sam turned to him, “What?”

“Daniel’s old work, a connection to Sha’re,” Jack listed, “You know what I’m asking.”

She sighed, “He was being obstinate. No matter what anyone said, he was going to this lecture. Even if it was a trap, which is clearly was. And you didn’t even try to talk him out of it. You’re the one person he would have listened to.”

“You know just like I do,” Jack stated, “He wouldn’t have listened to me anymore than he listened to you. Not where Sha’re is involved.”

Sam shook her head, “Which was used to make him walk into a trap.”

“You can tell him you told him so once we get him back,” Jack reminded her, “Contact Caldwell and let him know you’ll be joining him the moment they’re able to beam you onboard.”

Sam nodded.

She watched him leave, seeing the tension in his shoulders showing his worry for his friend. Heading into her lab, Sam sent her message.

~

Sam blinked as she materialised onto the Daedalus, before she headed down to the main control centre where the Asgard Hermiod once worked.

“Rodney?” she asked surprised to see the Atlantis head scientist standing there, “What are you doing here?”

He glanced up and replied, “My niece’s birthday is tomorrow, so I thought I would come see her. As well as meet my new nephew before he’s old enough to go to college.”

“And you spent several weeks on the Daedalus rather than coming through the Stargate?” Sam asked confused.

Rodney rolled his eyes, “I may have had a slight issue recently where I was stuck for three weeks on a planet where it wasn’t easy to survive, and they couldn’t find me. Woolsey decided, with Sheppard and Carson backing him up that I needed a proper break.  They stuck me on the Daedalus and I’ve to head back with them too. Some nonsense about me taking it easy for a while.”

Sam chuckled softly but before she could turn the conversation to why she was there Rodney continued.

“I was told Daniel is missing,” Rodney stated, “I’ve been scanning since we came close enough to get a signal, but I’ve found no sign of him so far. I’m working on an algorithm to find the signal. But this is Earth and all we have is overlapping signals from all over.”

Sam nodded, “Can I see?”

Rodney pointed to the screen in front of her, “It’s similar to one I needed to use to find Cadman when she was trapped in a cave which naturally interfered with our systems.”

Sam studied the information in front of her, as much as she and Rodney tended to butt heads, although things had become better since her time in Atlantis, he was good at what he did.

She just hoped what he was doing helped them find Daniel.

It was about five minutes later Rodney let out a cry of triumph, “Got it.”

Sam moved to his side, “That isn’t too far from where we were.”

“But looks to be well guarded from what I can tell,” Rodney told her.

Checking for Daniel’s earpiece, Sam frowned, “He can’t hear us, so we can’t warn him about us coming to rescue him.”

Rodney chewed his lip for a second before smiling, “I have an idea.”

Part Four

[runnning-outof-time]

So I’m a few hours removed from my Oppenheimer viewing experience, and if I had to sum the movie up in three words they’d be: intense, moving, and WOW.

I’ve got a bit more to say about it, but I’ll put it under the cut so as to avoid spoilers:

Ok so first off I want to say that I’m really not the best at film typed analysis…I’m rather just a fan who enjoys movies and then just wants to have chats about them, so I’m not going to be the one to analyze the characters/the aspects shown in the film…instead I’m just going to comment on the elements/parts that stuck with me. I hope that’s alright with y’all - please don’t come for me. With that being said…here we go (sorry for the rambles to come - this turned into a long post y’all):

I loved how it was sequenced and shot - the whole cutting back to Strauss in his hearing and seeing what’s happening there and then focusing on Oppenheimer’s life, and the hearing that he also went through, made the film more exciting to me … it’s like we’d be getting these pieces of information through a formal lense and then we’d get to see it play out how it happened. And then the big reveal of how Strauss was actually related in regards to Oppenheimer was amazingly done as well - it was cool to see the shift in the story once that information was given to the viewer as well.

Speaking of Strauss - RDJ acted his ass off in this film. My mom said that she didn’t even recognize him, and tbh I wouldn’t have either had I not known he was in the film prior to seeing it. He portrayed Strauss in such a clever way…I felt like his intentions behind the great scheme of things really went unknown until the information came out that he was one of the major actors behind Oppenheimer getting his clearances revoked. And like I said, it felt like the whole energy of the film shifted once this knowledge came out and he handled that beautifully.

Cillian was amazing…of course. He really made the role look easy. And I know that’s silly of me to say because we all know that it was the furthest thing from it, but I think that that’s just a testament to how great of an actor Cillian is - he makes these intense rolls just look easy. I compared this performance to Leo in The Revenant in an ask a few days ago and I honestly stand behind that — this movie wouldn’t be half of what it came out to be if there had been any other person in the main role. Cillian carried this movie, and he did it with the utmost grace. My mom and I were talking about it just a bit ago and she brought up the great point that there were only maybe a handful of scenes that he wasn’t in…and in the scenes that he was in, you could really feel the weight of his performance. I’d honestly be shocked if he doesn’t get any nominations for this - I’m not sure if there could be as perfect of a storm as this role was for him.

The ending held the most weight for me, I think … it was so cool to finally see what he and Einstein were actually speaking about at the pond (another amazing choice in structure) and oh boy did that conversation rock me — those words are so true, especially in the scope of history and how people are remembered/legacies play out. It was a stark and honestly perfect ending for the film.

Also another thing that I just couldn’t get out of my mind was how human the movie was. Like it’s so cool to see how people reacted to certain things and it’s one of the most fascinating ways to look at history — take the Trinity Test for example (which by the way…damn. Wow) their initial reaction to it being successful was to cheer because during that time it meant that the US was going to be back on top with the arms race and now hold this power to essentially bring the fighting to an explosive end. But looking back on what came out of that successful test, the mood really isn’t as cheerful and exuberant. Same thing with the rallie after the bombs were dropped — there was much revelation because of how the war turned out and not much care for the carnage that had occurred due to that event happening. It’s not only until the years roll on and history gets written that we start to look at the other viewpoints and how each and every side reacted to/was effected by such events. I think the movie did an excellent job at showing how human people are - how they’re quick to react with their own thoughts and agenda first before considering it all … and I liked how the shift in Oppenheimer’s views became apparent once news of the bomb being dropped came out - it was clear that the real life effects of it were at the forefront in his mind and he was already grappling with it.

One more thing I just have to point out is the ladies in the film - Florence and Emily did amazing at portraying Jean and Kitty!! Even though Flo’s part was small, you really felt the impact of her scenes (even if she was naked in nearly all of them) - you can so clearly see the impact Jean had on Oppenheimer’s life just from those few scenes. And then Emily and her portrayal of Kitty was so well done, espeically in the later scenes, specifically the one where she was being questioned — I was like damn, you go girl!! Their relationship was so, so interesting to see and I think that Cillian and Emily did amazing at showing it. I also just had to think of Lauren ( @emotionalcadaver ) ‘s response to those commenting saying that Kitty had no arc — you’re absolutely right in saying that it’s perfectly fine that she didn’t because she’s a REAL PERSON … this is how this woman lived and reacted to the events she was placed into. She was one of the stand out characters in the movie for me partly because she didn’t show growth…she stayed stagnant and then responded to things thrown at her, much like a real person would.

Welp…I said that I’d ramble on about this - I’m really sorry for having made you read an actual essay, and if you’ve made it this far down, I really commend you for doing so. This was one of the best films I’ve seen in a while (it’s immediately going right up there with The Revenant and 1917) and it’s certainly the first that I’ve written this kind of a response to. I honestly would have been happy with watching another two hours of it, and it really didn’t feel like three hours passed by - that’s how good it was.

I’d love to hear what y’all thought of it if you saw it, and you’re absolutely amazing if you’ve read down this far — thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I guess.

[itisaterriblelove]

GIVING ELLE SPACE WAS PROBABLY a better idea than spending any one on one time with her. But the fucking truth was that it probably wasn’t Elle who needed the fucking space—the opposite, actually, considering the whole damn fight was about me ditching her for Tyler—it was me. Maybe I just needed to get my head on straight, because it was starting to feel like everything was turning upside down and I was helpless to do anything but watch it spin.

I don’t know what the fuck happened.

Elle and I had always had a dynamic friendship, pretty much since grade school. She’d been one of the weirder kids, and a lot of the others had made fun of her for it. But I’d thought she was fucking fascinating, even then, and not much had changed since.

It was never a sexual thing, not with Elvis. Some people were just too fucking awesome to complicate shit with sex. She was special to me, and I’d never made any qualms about admitting that. Not to her and not to anybody else, either. After years of the same, everybody seemed to understand that about us.

We’d been fine. We’d been perfect. Elle and I had been coasting on a perfectly functional relationship for years. Until recently.

I liked girls. I liked hooking up. I even liked relationships. It was fun to see how two people gelled together and what stupid shit we managed to get bent out of shape about with each other in the process. What shit eventually ended it. But the thing all of my relationships had in common? Yeah… They all fucking ended. Mostly on good terms, but me and the girl were sure as shit not best friends before or after it. And it was okay when those girls came and went. When things changed… As long as the big things stayed the fucking same. And Elvis Hirsche was one of those big things.

Which was why—without ever really talking about it—Elle and I had decided to avoid that whole fucking messy minefield. It had never needed a conversation before.

So why the fuck did I feel like it needed one now?

Maybe it was just me? Maybe I was making a bigger deal where there wasn’t one. I couldn’t be sure. It suddenly felt like I couldn’t be sure of anything where Elle was concerned.

“Gavin?” The sound of my name on her lips let me know that she’d said my name more than once while I lost myself in thought about her. Elle’s impatient face confirmed that assumption. “Am I playing this right? It sounds off?” 

I tried to listen as Elle strummed on my guitar, but all I could hear was the rushing sound of blood in my veins as I watched her bite down on her bottom lip in concentration. And it was mother-fucking distracting, to say the least.

I cleared my throat and forced my eyes away from her cute little body, bent over my guitar on the sofa in my living room. Today’s lesson had been longer than anticipated, and it was all my fault, I knew it.

“Sorry baby, do that one more time for me.” 

I had to clear my head if it was the last thing that I did. There was something off track in me when I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about how it felt to wake up with Elle curled up in my arms, with the scent of her hair pressed against my nose.

I liked my girlfriend—a lot. And I didn’t see that changing any time soon. So I really couldn’t understand where the frustration had snuck in from. 

Elle strummed the series of chords again without complaint, effectively pulling me out of myself long enough to concentrate on the music. It was a rare fucking day where music didn’t have my full attention, but apparently I was going a bit against the grain today.

She was right, actually, about something being off. But it wasn’t because she’d done what I showed her wrong. Quickly, I realized my own mistake. I was supposed to be teaching her a new song, but my mind was so off topic that I hadn’t even played it right for her to learn from me.

“It seems like it should go more like this…” She played in a way that better rounded the music, creating a more complete tune with barely a mistake. For a moment I could only sit in stunned silence as I processed what had just happened. It wasn’t like Elle was playing by ear—not exactly—because I was teaching her something that I wrote. And so she’d taken my mistake and fixed it, then somehow managed to make it sound even better without my input.

“Gavin?” She prodded me with her foot, lifting her face from the guitar to stare at me. One of her eyebrows arched and I realized that I had been silent for too long. “Where is your mind today?” 

“I only just taught you those chords last month!” I knew it sounded like a complaint, but I really couldn’t help myself. “Fuck, Elle! Maybe I should stop teaching you, before you become a better guitarist than me.” 

She beamed at me, all the smugness splayed across her expression, and shrugged. “Better watch your back, Gavin Porter.” Elle tapped my guitar gently and shot me a warning look. “I might be taking your spot in the band soon!” 

“Hey, hey!” I cupped my heart in mock-offense. “That’s so fucking rude.” I shook my head at her. “I thought we were starting our own band. What happened to that?” 

“Oh, yeah!” Elle actually wiggled on the sofa with my guitar in her lap, she was so excited by the thought. “I could play the bongos and we could travel in one of those campers.” 

“Now that’s the life.” I laughed at the genuine gleam of excitement in her eyes; it was hard not to take her seriously when she said outrageous things like that. I suspected she actually meant them all.

“We could live off love and a tip jar,” she announced with a sage nod of her head. 

My smile softened as I agreed with her. “Sounds good to me, baby. Sign me up.” 

She shifted, settling my guitar down next to the sofa, propped up against the end table. “What do you think we should name our band? And can I finish my fashion design degree first?” 

Yeah, okay. She was probably fucking serious. I shrugged. “You should definitely finish your degree first. Garrett and Amy would never let me hear the fucking end of it if I ran off with you and didn’t let you finish school. You know, they think I’m a bad influence on you?!”

Elle scoffed. “It’s like your parents have never met my parents before…” She shook her head, but the smile on her face gave away her actual appreciation of my parents’ assessment of our friendship. She snapped her fingers at me in the way people do when someone’s being too slow about something. “Names, bucko!” 

I blinked at her. “Uh-uh.” I shook my head. “You’re better at that stuff than me. You pick.”

She squirmed again, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. “I’ll have to think about it, then. And you’re not allowed to veto anything that I pick! Since you’re not contributing.” 

“Those are some steep terms, Elle.” I regarded her seriously but she didn’t even flinch. “All right, fine. But no boy band references!” I had to at least have that much assurance. “Non-negotiable.” 

She pouted at me. An honest to god, serious fucking pout that had me nervous all over again. Fuck. Everything. “Non-negotiable, baby.” I repeated, refusing to be swayed. 

I shouldn’t have been surprised when she threw herself in my lap. I mean, fucking honestly. I should have seen it coming, because this was Elle, and this was just the shit that we did. But damn.

I was on the floor, a notebook opened on the coffee table in front of me, and literally at Elle’s feet from where she sat on the sofa. And one second she was there, pouting, and the next she had launched herself onto my lap like it was no big deal.

It shouldn’t have been—it wasn’t always—but it really fucking was.

It wasn’t a sexy thing that she did. I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be… She was in some regular jeans and a hoodie and nothing fucking special, and I had held her in my arms a hundred thousand times. So it should have been run of the mill.

Except it was Elle, all warm and soft, and smelling like vanilla for some fucking reason. And when she wrapped her arms around me, all I could think about was sliding my tongue up the curve of her neck, and it was really fucking me up.

My heart started going a hundred miles an hour, which was just so fucking dumb. But I was a hundred and fucking ten percent sure she tasted better than she smelled, and all I could think about was finding out for sure. 

“I’m sorry we fought last night.” Her breath and her hair tickled along my neck, as I carefully wrapped my arms around her. “It was stupid. I hate fighting with you. I’m sorry I ruined your date.”

I tried to tell my heart to calm the fuck down but it just wouldn’t listen. I breathed, slowly in and slowly out, before even trying to respond to her. “I’m sorry I ditched you, baby. It was my fault.”

It wasn’t.

Elle had been less than gracious about Tyler from the start, and I had been pretending not to notice all along. But shit, I was noticing now.

“What's your problem with Tyler?” Elle shrugged and I felt, more than saw, her shoulders rising with it.

“I don’t know. I don’t have a problem with her?” She tipped her head back so that she could look at me. Which was a horrible fucking thing for her to do, because it just put her face that much closer to mine. If we shifted, I could have her on her back in a few seconds. Out of the hoodie, out of the shirt, just my hands on her skin. My mouth.

It was soft—Elle’s skin—and smooth and tan and taut. She’d probably let me do it, too. I thought she might.

Un-fucking-believable. I couldn’t focus for three seconds.

I swallowed and leaned my head just slightly back. It took a moment for me to get my thoughts back on track, to reorient myself to the topic of conversation. Girlfriend, right. One that Elle did not like. “I think you kind of do, Elle.” My tone wasn’t as light as I expected it to be, because my tone was usually always light. Soft, uncommitted. But at the moment everything was heavy and filled with tension. Even my vocal chords. 

Elle sighed. “I guess I’m just… jealous.” I could see the word was hard for her to push out, and it was even harder for me to hear. It caused a tightness in my chest that I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with. And I must have looked like something—I don’t fucking know what—but my face was telling Elle something that she apparently did not want to hear. I knew this when she pulled away from me and scooted onto the open space on the floor beside me. She pulled in to herself, drawing her knees up, and rested her chin against them.

I’d been uncomfortable with her right up on me, but I was fucking hating the space that she’d created once she moved.

“I mean… You have someone and I don’t.” She sort of shrugged without looking at me, and her voice had gotten smaller. That tightness in my chest increased, but I couldn’t understand exactly why.

“I think I just need a boyfriend.” At that word—boyfriend—all of my muscles tensed. Like a coiled spring, every part of me clenched together. I was fucking speechless, and breathless too.

For some reason, the idea of Elle needing a boyfriend sucked all of the air out of the room.

“I mean…” she blinked, and her big eyes zeroed back in on my cornered expression. “I spend almost all of my free time with you. And I’m practically graduated college and yet I’m still a virgin! That’s crazy, right?!” 

I couldn’t have answered her if I’d wanted to… Every fucking word in the English language had just erased from my mind.

I must have been quiet for too long, because Elle twisted her body to look at me and arched one eyebrow again. “Gavin?” She prodded my kneecap with her pointer finger. I caught her finger and tugged, encouraging her to come back to me. This time her legs straddled me on either side, and we sat there, face to face for a moment where I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do next.

I settled my hands on her hips and let out the breath that I’d been holding. “Don’t have sex with some asshole just to say you did it, Elle.” There was my voice, and it wasn’t even shaky. It was some kind of fucking miracle. “I would hate that.” The longer I looked at her—this close to my face—the surer I was that I was going to kiss her. Just fuck the consequences, I was practically desperate to feel her lips on my skin. I wasn’t proud of the realization, but I knew for sure that I wanted my tongue in her mouth.

If she moved, if she even breathed hard enough. 

“You should make sure it’s the right asshole, okay?” There was no reason for me to be whispering, except the obvious… That I was still thinking about kissing her, still deciding if I was going to do it. She nodded and it was almost my fucking breaking point.

I could push her hips to my hips, I could slide my hands underneath her shirt. She would definitely let me. I couldn’t even feel my heart, it was beating so fast.

“And you’re not allowed to spend less time with me. I’d miss you too much.” It was meant to be a joke, meant to lighten the mood and create that bit of space I really needed to break this fucking hold she had on me at the moment. But it didn’t work. When I said it, it sounded too much like flirting. And, fuck me, it sort of felt too much like flirting, too. 

“Relax, Gavin,” Elle patted my shoulder reassuringly. She leaned back, so I shifted and she stood. Thank fucking God. She ran her fingers through her hair and rolled her shoulders. “It’s not like I’m going to do the next jerk I go on a blind date with or something. I just mean maybe I should date.” 

She shrugged like it was no big deal, and maybe she was right with that. Maybe it wasn’t. 

But I still felt like something invisible had wrapped me up in a vice-grip and I couldn’t get free.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

This Dark Thing That Sleeps In Me - a Magnus Archives AU, Chapter Seven

This is a DARK AU; it is not a kid-fic, though Jon is young. Bittersweet ending ahead.

Spoilers for the whole show, though this is very much an alternate universe.

“Have you been to Oliver’s mountain?”

“No. Hey, Marto, how come the Eye didn’t choose this guy?”

“Wish I knew.”

It didn’t feel particularly good to hear that. Jon was beginning to dislike being a mystery.

AO3

Art by @iiiumihottie

Nobody answered Tim.

“So,” Mike said into the silence. “Is it always this exciting in the grand ol’ tower?”

“No, it is not,” said Sasha. “Is everyone all right?”

Some murmurs of assent.

Not from Jon. He knew what he’d been promised. Felt it deep inside, maybe in his soul. Answers. To everything. He kept swallowing, producing saliva as though hungry.

“Jon, are you all right?” said Sasha.

“Is he all right?” huffed Tim. "What about the rest of us?"

“I’m fine,” said Jon, who was still visibly shaking. “Can we go see everything? He said I could see everything.”

“First, let’s… okay. Martin, can you grab him some clothes, since Tim didn’t get the chance? I’ll get him fed and washed.”

“Thanks, Sash,” Martin said, and left.

Mike stayed. No one had expected Mike to stay. 

“Hellooooo?” said Tim, as though Mike had forgotten.

“So what’s the deal with you three?" said Mike. "Is it open, or closed?"

“Not the time, Skyboy,” said Tim. 

“Here,” said Sasha, and handed Jon a plate.

Food. Chicken? Some meat chopped up small and a bunch of vegetables he didn’t recognize and—

He groaned, mouth stuffed. He’d never had anything so good at Amherst’s place.

“Slow down,” said Tim, slowly. “Geez.”

“Who was taking care of you?” says Sasha. 

“No one,” Jon says around another mouthful. “I took care of myself.”

“So you were… what, eating garbage?” said Tim.

“No,” huffed Jon, and scraped his plate clean. “I was trading.”

“Trading what?” said Tim.

Jon shrugged. “Needful things. I’d wash dirty dishes, or organize shelves.”

Tim started laughing. “Are you serious? They’d come downstairs in the morning, be… what, out some bread, or something, and find their kitchen redone?”

Jon slowly went red. “I’m not a thief. I traded. Without… telling anybody. It still counted!”

“Oh, my gods,” said Tim. “I love you. I want one. Hey! Martin! Dibs when you’re done!”

Martin stepped back in. “We are not doing dibs.” He’d changed. Impossibly fast, it seemed, but he was clean, his hair wet and slicked back, and his clothing swapped out for dry things. Gone were the velvety blacks; he’d gone into greens now, with an elaborately embroidered vest and a bright red cravat. “Here.”

Jon took the bundle of clothes.

“Shower,” Sasha pointed.

Jon obediently went to the corner shower to clean up.

He could hear them while he did. The conversation was odd, but… intimate.

“You are so pale,” said Sasha. “Drink.”

“No, I’ve taken too much from you lately already,” Martin said.

“Well, I’m not pale and bloodless yet,” said Tim.

“Guys,” Martin said. “I can’t. I’ve been greedy, and now I’m paying for it.”

There was a pause. Jon had no clue what they were doing over there.

“Nice,” said Martin, breathless after a moment, “but still no.”

“I’m here,” said Mike.

Silence.

“What? My blood works.”

“It does,” said Martin. “Well?”

“It’s up to you,” said Tim. “I mean. Your mouth going on him.”

“I’d return the favor,” said Mike.

"Wow," said Martin. "Right in front of everybody."

"If that's your thing," said Mike.

Martin laughed. "You're hopeless."

“Let me at least test him. Make sure he’s clean,” said Sasha.

“Do whatever,” said Mike. “So you gonna take the kid and gonna explore? I’m staying here.”

“Why?” said Martin. “My friends are… we…”

“I want to get to know them,” said Mike.

“You really know what you’re offering, don't you?” said Martin softly.

“Yeah. I do. I know it’s intimate. I know it’s permanent—we’d be tied. I know what I’m offering.”

“Damn,” said Tim as if impressed, and their voices lowered.

Jon missed the rest. The sensation of hot water was so glorious that nothing else mattered, anyway.

Martin was safe. Martin was… fed. So Jon could do whatever he had to do. Whatever that meant.

Stay focused.

“Sure, past self,” he muttered to the Answers, and hurried.

#

“Hey, Jon, you cleaned up all right.”

Jon smoothed down his weird new clothes. He’d never worn anything like it—blue velvet, a vest, a tie. He needed help with the tie. He did not like the tie. “Thank you. I’ll pay for this, somehow.”

“You don’t have to. Jonah sort of said you had to stay? That means he has to provide for your needs.”

You do not know this man.

He’d rather not think about Jonah. “I want to see everything.”

Martin sighed. “Everything?”

“Everything. He said I could.”

They all looked at each other.

“Please?” Jon added.

“Sure,” said Martin. “Might as well do it right. We’ll start at the bottom of the place and work our way up.”

“Geez, look at that expression,” said Mike. “Hungry as fuck. How are you not Eye?”

Sasha peered at Jon through the lens of her goggles. “He’s Uncertain, as far as I can tell.”

“Wild,” said Mike, clearly not invested. “So what else are you working on? I want to watch.”

“Do you,” said Sasha.

“I want to watch, too,” whined Tim.

“No, you’re coming with me, I decided,” said Martin. “You know everybody, and that’ll make this easier.”

“Aww,” Tim somehow whined harder. "Fine.

“How are you at taking instruction?” Sasha said to Mike.

Mike’s smile was slow. “Why don’t you find out?” 

Martin looked like he’d much rather stay and watch what happened, but that wasn’t on the table. “Come on, Jon,” he sighed. “We might as well get this over with. Follow me.”

Jon did.

#

“Is this anything like what usually happens when the Fingers come for people who weren’t chosen?” said Jon as they headed for yet another set of stairs, then he tripped again. These shoes were strange, heavy; the toes kept catching on things.

Martin caught him by the arm. 

“Sorry,” mumbled Jon.

“Never wore boots like this, hm?”

“Not since I was little,” said Jon.

“Little. Wow,” Tim deadpanned. “Really long time, then, yeah?”

“It was,” said Jon with full sincerity. “And I don’t think the toes were this pointy.”

“No, they wouldn’t be. That style swung in about a year ago, and has yet to make its graceful exit,” said Martin, and led the way down. 

The whole building, Jon decided, was designed to absorb light. He couldn’t think of another reason for it to be made of black or dark brown stone, with sconces spaced far apart, and nearly all windows just too high to be of use. He hadn’t gotten an answer for his first question. “So is this normal?”

“Not even close,” said Tim behind him. 

“What is normal?”

Martin sighs. “They’re taken to Oliver’s mountain. Don’t know what happens after that. They don’t come back.”

“You don’t know?” said Jon. “I mean, they say they’re sacrificed, so I assume they die, but—”

“You don’t have to sound so disappointed,” said Tim, amused.

“I... I’m sorry.”

Martin glanced at him. “You also don’t have to keep apologizing.”

Jon frowned. “I don’t?”

“Definitely not. We’ll let you know if you do something that requires it.”

“Oh.” And Jon blurted it: “I don’t understand the rules here.”

“Nobody does,” said Tim. “And by the time we learn them, it’s time to die, and then we get to be reborn and have to learn them all over again.”

“You don’t remember them?” said Jon, amazed.

“No.” Martin glanced at him. “Jon, nobody remembers.”

Jon started to say, I do.

His past self said, don’t say it.

Jon closed his mouth.

“What?” said Martin.

“The… the walls are really brown.”

“Dibs," said Tim.

“Quit it,” said Martin.

“Why is it so dark?” said Jon.

“Because the Heart feels contemplation of death is best done without distractions. Thus, outside of Jonah’s area, there is no art, there are no carpets, and there’s no real color except for in people’s personal rooms.”

“But his area’s fancy as anything,” Tim muttered.

“Whose else lives here?” Jon tripped again.

Martin exhaled. “There are representatives of all the Other powers here,” he said. “And most of them are new, but there’s… there’s a core of repeats.”

“A core?”

“Some of us, reborn, are always going to end up here,” said Tim. “Me, Sasha—Martin, until he took this out and just doesn’t die anymore, the jerk.”

“Anyway,” said Martin, stopping at an enormous door at the bottom of the stairs. He took out an enormous ring of keys. “It’s the core group, and then the people the Heart picks.”

“Picks?”

“He’s Aligned dually, himself,” said Tim. “He was Eye first, then End. So anyone who’s Aligned dually like he was, he keeps.”

“Is that good?” said Jon.

“Depends,” said Martin. “Sometimes, sure. He gave me eternal life. He helped Tim. He gave Sasha a real purpose.”

“That’s all good, isn’t it?”

“I’m grateful,” said Martin in a tone Jon could not interpret, and unlocked the door.

A weird smell wafted out—a smell Jon knew. “That’s rot.”

“It is. You ready? You wanted to see everything.”

“I do want to see everything,” Jon confirmed, and walked right in.

#

Jon was very surprised to find Jane Prentiss in the basement. He was even more surprised to find her in chains.

She was even more surprised to see him. “Well, fancy meeting you here,” she said.

Jon stared. “Why are you locked up?”

She sighed. “Lost a duel. Did you get our present?”

“I did! Why did you send it?”

“Little spider told us to.” Jane grinned. She didn’t seem particularly bothered by her chains or being stretched prone on the floor. “Wait. Aren’t you past ten?”

Jon flushed. “Nobody wanted me.”

“Huh.” She stared. “What's very weird. Well, we would have taken you.”

“Well. You didn’t.”

“We still could.”

“No?” he said, and stepped back. “I think I’ve had enough Corruption for the rest of my life, thank you.”

“Fair enough.” Jane looked at Tim. “Would you tell Jonah we have learned our lesson?”

“I can’t tell anyone anything, Jane,” said Tim, somehow making it smooth and gracious in spite of the worms squirming all around their feet. “I’m afraid you’ll just have to pay your penalty.”

“We would have won if not for interference.”

“Maybe so,” said Tim, and it’s almost gentle. “But the Heart never cared about cheating, you know? He just cares who wins.”

“Next time,” said Jane. “Next time, we will overwhelm her, and she will smother and writhe as we eat her eyes.”

“Good luck with that!” said Tim, the soul of cheer, and stepped over her legs and moved further in.

Martin moved past quickly, but she spotted him, and she spat. “Filth!”

Jon gawked at her.

“Come on, Jon,” Martin said, hand on his back. “Keep going.”

“Wretch! Pirate! Foul creature not of the grave!” 

Jon followed, eyes wide. “What was that about?”

“Oh, she hates Martin,” said Tim with great pleasure. “The Corruption can’t touch him, you see. Not even after he dies.”

“You won’t rot?” said Jon.

“No. Whatever the Heart did to create me means I will, uh. Collapse into dust, apparently?”

“Wow.” Jon was awed. “How does that work?”

“I don’t know?”

Jon’s eyes grew wider. “And you… you’re all right not knowing?”

“I don’t even know who I’d ask,” said Martin. “Though Sasha is busy trying to figure me out.”

“She’ll figure you out, too, kid,” said Tim, opening another door.

There were more prisoners in here. Some were chained high on the wall, dangling from fetters. Some were, like Jane, on the floor, stretched out as if meant to be stepped on. Two—just two—were in complicated torture devices, one of which stretched its victim into moaning misery, the other piercing its prey with a thousand metal barbs so they could never stop bleeding.

It was… horrible?

And Jon felt like he should feel more bad for them than he did, but he was so damn curious. “Why are they here?”

“Displeased Jonah,” said Martin. “Bad idea to do that.”

Jon could see why. “But what did they do, specifically?”

“You really do want to see everything, don’t you?” said Tim.

“I do. What did that one do?”

“That guy tried to murder someone. Pretty dumb move, if you ask me.”

“What about that one?”

“Attempted to escape. Thought by just traveling far away, they could leave the End’s power, or something. I’m not really clear on it? Something about a flat Earth.”

Jon scoffs. “The Earth isn’t flat. Eratosthenes proved that centuries ago.”

“I’ll take your word on it, little buddy,” said Tim, then looked over his shoulder at Martin and mouthed, “Dibs.”

Martin rolled his eyes.

“What about that one?” Jon pointed.

“Attempted suicide. Belonged to the Dark, so they didn’t appreciate it.”

“Huh. That one?”

“Tried to swap their twin for collection to the Fingers. Didn’t work, of course.”

“So the Fingers do bring people here,” said Jon.

“Nope. They go to the Will. Like I said, nobody ever comes back from that.”

“Where is Oliver’s mountain?”

“Somewhere over the sea.”

“Over the sea? So the Vast is working with the Will.”

“Yep. It’s why Mike’s sort of not in our crew, if you’ll pardon the pun. He always goes to Oliver whenever he’s reborn," said Tim.

“Have you been to Oliver’s mountain?”

“No. Hey, Marto, how come the Eye didn’t choose this guy?”

“Wish I knew.”

It didn’t feel particularly good to hear that. Jon was beginning to dislike being a mystery.

The dungeon didn’t last much longer. Martin led them out and up stairs. Everything smelled so much better, and now, they were in the guts of the place.

Machinery churned; rumbling and mysterious, it chugged, pistoned, steamed, sparked; Jon wanted to know what everything did, but neither Martin nor Tim really knew.

“Hot water?” said Tim.

“Lights,” said Martin.

“But how?” said Jon, and they could not answer him. “There have to be books or something explaining it all!”

“Ask Jonah over dinner,” said Martin.

“Dinner?”

“He wants you attached to my hip,” said Martin. “Well, we have this huge dinner every night. Awkward as fuck, but at least everyone here will know not to eat you.”

“Eat me?”

“You’re wandering around here, affiliated with nothing and no one. You’re not safe, kid,” said Martin.

“Fuck,” said Jon.

For no reason Jon understood, that cracked Tim up.

#

The next several floors belonged to people of the Flesh. The Flesh’s floors had a lot of large people walking around, bulging with muscles, challenging tailors with strange bodies and too many limbs. They smelled kind of bloody, but were nowhere near as gross as where Jon grew up, so he was unfazed.

Tim flirted with everyone they met. That was utterly bizarre, but it was satisfying to watch. Everyone seemed to like him. They cheered up when they saw him—or if they didn’t at first, they did after a moment of talking to him. Jon had seen and heard some wild sexual behavior in his time, hiding in attics and on the street, but this seemed above and beyond. It was friendly, somehow; cheerful. It didn’t seem to mean anything, or require anything in response.

It was just… pleasant. It left people smiling when they walked away (if they had mouths to smile, which they didn’t always, but somehow gave that impression, anyway).

By contrast, very few knew what to do with Martin. He got a lot of nervous looks; not even the really big guys had any interest in challenging him, though his presence made them nervous. Being chosen specially by Jonah seemed to be either a blessing or a curse. Jon wasn’t really sure which.

The wild thing was, unless Tim or Martin pointed Jon out, no one noticed him at all. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected that to change. It still felt bad, but it wasn’t new. 

They climbed more stairs.

The next section belonged to the Hunt, and these floors were a maze, set up so people could chase each other and get caught and bump against dead ends and do it all over again. Jon hated the layout. The people there didn’t see him, either, but they really liked Tim. Jon could see they wanted to chase him. From comments, maybe some of them already had. Tim laughed a lot with the people on that floor. And these people, unlike the Flesh, thought Martin was the bee’s knees. They flirted with him.

In response, Tim got louder and more amusing. In response, Martin got flushed and stammery.

This was becoming genuinely funny to watch.

The Dark’s floors were impossible to see in. Tim talked to somebody; Martin laughed and joked with somebody; Jon stared into the gloom, frustrated beyond belief that he didn’t know what was there. He wanted to go in, to explore. 

“Wait until dinner,” said Martin. “Wait until everyone knows Jonah’s got his eye on you, and then you can explore without an issue, okay?”

“Fine,” Jon, whined, aware he was being bratty, and followed Martin away from it and up the stairs.

That one is dangerous to you , came sort of an answer, though Jon hadn’t asked. Be cautious.

Huh. Well. Maybe. All right. But he wanted to know what was in there. Jon had never not listened to his past self. It seemed unwise to start now.

Each area in this tower was unique; they smelled different, and sounded different. The people there all had complicated relationships with Martin, but everyone liked Tim. Martin was right: It had been a good idea to bring Tim along.

“So,” said Tim, as they reached yet another floor. “Weird question: you weren’t… uh. Drawn to anything we saw, were you?”

“Drawn?”

“We both know the Eye’s gonna mark him as soon as they see him, right?” said Tim.

“We’ll see,” said Martin, and opened a door.

This floor was different, too—ceilings high and rooms wide, all the walls were lined with books, and Jon was heading for them before he could even think to ask.

“So this conundrum is about to be solved,” said Tim.

Martin shook his head. “Doubt it.”

“Look at all these books!” said Jon, reaching, then stopped. “Can I?”

“May,” said Martin. “Jonah’s a stickler for that shit.”

“May I?”

“Ask her.”

Jon looked to find a young woman staring at him. “May I read your books?” he said.

“What the hell is this?” she said, and looked at Martin. “Why can’t I see him clearly?”

“She can see him! What the hell!” said Tim, throwing his hands in the air.

“He’s… Uncertain?” said Martin.

“He’s too old,” said the woman.

“Well, he still is. Um. Do you want him?”

“I’m not done seeing everything,” Jon said, frowning at Martin. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Martin looked aghast. “No, Jon! I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m trying to protect you.”

The woman stared. Jon shuddered. Her eyes reminded him of Jonah’s, though not with the same weight. “This is very strange,” she said.

“Right?” said Tim.

“I can’t see him clearly,” said the woman again with dire suspicion.

Jon twisted a little. “Nobody can. May I read some books?”

“Martin,” said the woman evenly. “Explain now, or I will react with prejudice.”

“Geez, drink some camomile,” said Tim. “Gertrude, this is Jon—Jonah’s guest. Jon, Gertrude.”

Gertrude stared. She looked like a knife, Jon thought—sharp, polished, dangerous. “Sure. Read whatever you want.”

Whew. Happy to step away from her, Jon grabbed the first book he didn't know.

“What do you see when you look at him?” said Martin.

“It’s like an illusion,” she said, which made little sense. “What is he?”

“Don’t know.”

“I don’t like it. The Eye can’t see him, Martin. He’s invisible to the Eye.”

Martin stared. “Invisible to the Eye? Invisible? ”

“Invisible.”

“But that can’t—he’s clearly been accessing it! I don’t…”

“He’s accessing something, but the Eye can’t see him. Get this thing out of my space.”

Back to them, Jon hunched. “I’m not hurting anything,” he muttered.

“I don’t want him here. I don’t understand him.”

“Oh, come on, now, Gertie,” soothed Tim. “He’s not doing any harm.”

“Out.”

“What if I distracted you for a bit? Took you dancing. Listened to you ramble on about orbital patterns, or whatever.”

“Tim,” said Gertrude evenly. “I will not warn you again.”

“Shit,” Martin muttered. “Sorry, Jon. We have to go.”

“But…” Jon stared around himself at all the books. “Jonah said I could!”

“He hasn’t said it to me,” Gertrude snapped.

Jon felt like he was going to cry. New books! So many! Right here!

“He will at dinner,” said Martin. “I promise you’ll be able to come back.”

“If he does, then I will have to let you in,” said Gertrude. “Until then, leave.”

“Sorry,” Jon whispered, and held out the book. 

Gertrude scowled. “You can keep it.”

“Really?” said Jon, eyes enormous.

Martin took his shoulder and directed him back to the stairs. “Come on. She wants to be a cranky old woman, she can be a cranky old woman.”

“Offer’s still on for dancing and orbital patterns!” Tim called over his shoulder.

“I think I got so used to people not seeing me that I forgot they don’t like me,” Jon said.

They walked for a moment. “I like you,” said Martin.

“Maybe you do,” said Jon.

“I do,” said Martin. “And the people who don’t are assholes.”

“Assholes,” Tim agreed.

Jon wanted to believe them. He couldn’t, quite. There were too many of them.

“One more area of Others, then we’ll get to the utility areas—kitchen, weapons training, all that," said Tim.

“Weapons training?”

“Jonah likes duels,” said Martin with a shrug.

“The Heart of the End likes a lot of things that aren’t the End,” Jon said.

"Dibs," said Tim.

“Shhh,” said Martin.

Tim leaned in. “You are right,” he said. “The running joke is he serves the End so faithfully so he can avoid it himself and keep indulging, but don’t say that. You’ll piss him off.”

“I swear, that woman,” said Martin, changing the subject back.

“Well, she’s got months left,” said Tim. “I don’t blame her.”

“She’s twenty-nine?” said Jon.

“Yep. The End comes for us all—except this dapper gent, of course.” He elbowed Martin.

“You’re close to thirty?” said Jon.

“Got a year and a half left,” said Tim. “So far, the only one whose life has been extended is Marto over here.”

“Oh.” Jon swallowed. “You don’t seem… unhappy about it?”

“Why would I be unhappy about it?” said Tim.

“I mean… so many others seem to be upset.”

Tim shrugged. “My future’s set, you know? I’ll be reborn somewhere, Jonah will find me, and bring me here. That’s what happens.”

For reasons he didn’t know, Jon glanced at Martin.

That was grief. On Martin’s face was grief.

Jon couldn’t engage with it. “How does he find you?”

“He can see all of us. Any of us,” said Tim.

“Except me,” Jon pointed out.

“That’s… well, he can see you face-to-face, so you’re not a ghost,” said Martin.

“Wh… did you think I was a ghost?” Jon blurted, feeling for no reason he knew like his past self was laughing at him.

“I considered it?” said Martin, and opened a door.

#

The final Other floor opened to a room of white webbing.

Martin sighed. “Annabelle, for the love of fuck.”

Tim gawked. Then he laughed. “What the hell? This isn’t the augury. What’s all this?”

“I have no idea. She’s filled the regular living quarters now, for some reason,” said Martin.

“Come in, children,” came a voice from who knew where.

“Annabelle,” moaned Martin.

“Yeah,” said Tim. “Um. You need help with this one?”

“No, it’s fine, you can wait outside. I swear, she’s worse with the drama than Jonah,” said Martin, and headed right inside.

Jon saw no reason not to follow.

The door slammed shut behind them, and Jon jumped. “Tim’s really not coming?”

“He can’t flirt with her,” says Martin, “and she unnerves him, so he’ll stay outside.”

“Oh.”

“It’s all right. She won’t hurt you.”

“You have to allow me a little pageantry,” said a woman’s voice, and its owner stepped out of the web as if materializing.

Jon stared. He shook his head and stared again.

She was a spider, but she wasn’t. She was a woman, but she wasn’t.

She smiled.

Martin looked back and forth. “You okay, kid? You’re pale.”

“Yes,” said Jon.

“Thank you for bringing him to me,” said Annabelle. “Now, we can begin.”

“Begin?” said Martin. “What do you—”

And without warning, webbing moved all by itself, wrapping around Martin’s wrists and arms and waist, and lifting him off the ground.

Jon gasped.

“Pageantry,” said the woman again. “Hello, Jon. My name is Annabelle. We need to talk.”

chapter eight

[jayarrarr]

Jen’s Dating Chronicles: Installment the Seventh

I'm breaking a number of rules with this post. Broken rule the first is that I told myself when I started this series that I would only write installments about people once the "relationship" was over or had run its course, and that is most certainly not the case here. Broken rule the second is that I told myself with installment the sixth that I was done and I wasn't going to write any more of these, yet here we are. Broken rule the third is that I never give identifying details about any of the people I talk about in these posts, but said strict anonymity seems a bit past the point here, and especially given broken rule the first, and more especially given that the person I'm about to tell y'all about was once a member of the Tumblr Writing Community, such as it was way back in the day, and that makes anonymity seem silly and pointless, even more especially given that I have posted pics of myself with this person on this very blog. Three. That's three broken rules. Three is a number. So yeah. Sometimes there are people just sort of hanging out in the background of your life. That's not to say that you never talk to them, or that you don't consider them to be friends of a fashion, or that you've never shared any deep or thought-provoking or emotional content with each other—we read each other's writing, for fuck's sake. But things don't click until they do. We didn't meet on an app, at least not a dating app, and not unless you consider Tumblr a dating app (some of us do, tho, it seems—I've had more actual relationships through Tumblr than through Tinder or Bumble or any of the others that purport to shove people's faces in your face so you can find someone to play mate with). And we weren't strangers, not really, even though we'd never met in person. We started chatting about writing one day and that conversation became a conversation about something else that became a conversation about something else again and so on and that conversation has never really stopped since June 21 when it started. So maybe that explains why, on the first of July, we were on the phone and I jokingly intimated when we were six hours into what would become an all-night phone conversation, that rarest of breeds, that if I'd gotten in the car when we first started talking I'd be halfway to him by then. And we kinda laughed about it and it was kinda funny but also kinda not funny because it planted a seed in my mind and that seed grew immediately and had to be harvested pretty damn quick and that's when I said, "I'm driving to Houston tomorrow." And then I passed out on the phone. This is the sort of thing that happens when you're on the phone all night. And then I woke up at 11 a.m. and my first thought was, "Did I really just say I was driving to Houston tomorrow?" And after I'd determined that wasn't some sort of fever dream, I commenced to trying to talk myself out of driving 12 hours and I just couldn't come up with enough reasons not to. I really couldn't come up with any reasons not to, apart from the "driving 12 hours" part, because I don't know about you but that doesn't exactly sound like the best time. Although, if I'm honest, I was less concerned with the driving down and more concerned with the driving back. If things went well, the driving back would be bittersweet. If things didn't go well, the driving back would be annoying. Neither bittersweet nor annoying are pleasant. So basically there's no way that the driving back would be a good time, even if the driving there wasn't the best. And yet. So off I went on Sunday, and you know what? The drive wasn't all that bad. At some moments, it was even really fucking cool. Was it the best? Eh. And then I got here and ever since I got here everything has been amazing. Sometimes there are people just sort of hanging out in the background of your life. And then, one day, they move into the foreground and everything clicks and the world comes into focus like things are just a little brighter and a little sharper than you ever noticed them being before. But before I left I assured everyone I talked to about this venture that there was no way in hell my fucking ass was moving to fucking Houston. I'm allowed to be wrong. So that's where I'm at right now. Falling in love and moving to Houston. One thing I didn't see happening any time soon, the other thing I didn't see happening ever. But ain't that the beauty of it? Take a fucking risk sometimes just to see what happens. It might suck, but it might also be something grand.

And just in case you’re wondering what happened to the guy from Installment the Sixth—he lied to me. Don’t lie to me.

© 2023 by Jennifer R.R. Mueller

[stealyouawayforgood]

A slightly complicated situation occurred that trip.

His sister, him and I had casually discussed whilst we were saying bye that Saturday night - the possibility of meeting again shortly before I leave the country to properly spend time and say bye. I thought I could put my questionable feelings aside and entertain them, j as friends. I love his sister, I truly do. I just can’t help that I’m attracted to her damn brother. She’d feel betrayed if she found out. Aaaaah. Anyways, I didn’t think we’d follow up, but they actively tried. My bestfriend was flying out the day we’d planned to meet, so she couldn’t make it. They still insisted and I welcomed them home. We talked, had coffee and snacks, garlic bread (in my room) - because I was paranoid about my maids seeing them. It was a short lived cute evening. Him sprawled across my bed with a pillow tucked under his ribs and his sister sat face to face from me is a sight that still remains plastered at the back of my eyelids. I could see him intermittently lose interest and go on to look around and inspect my room. Very cute indeed.

Little did I know it would turn out to be such a complicated mess. A was upset. She was upset they went behind her back when she’d verbalised she didn’t find it comfortable. A was upset I hadn’t told her immediately when in all honesty I was slightly worried about her reaction. I was confused, because she’s never reacted like this, she’s always been happy when her friends get along. I started to think maybe it was because of who they were? But even then.. she’s not like that? So confusing. She ended the call saying I can no longer have you guys around each other and it made me really sad. Sadder than expected. She basically belted me on the phone and proceeded to belt both siblings the following days to come.

They both continued to text me even after I left. They were confused about A’s reaction as was I and I just reassured them that she’ll come around. On a lighter note, she did come around.

I flew out the next day,

“Keep in touch…hoping to see you soon too x”

We texted quite casually back n forth for the days that followed until our conversation fizzled out. He suggested a series which I ended up really liking, kept me hooked and I texted him once I was done to say thank you - in my head, I was trying to force these weird feelings out to cultivate a friendship. Contemplating if my intentions were even being received correctly.

It j so happened that my bestfriends birthday was coming up. They were throwing a party and for the first time my parents were there too. I remember calling my mum to make sure she was comfortable, and ended up being passed around on FaceTime. I met everyone that day - except him. A part of me was so hopeful I’d get a glimpse of him on screen, but alas, I didn’t. Sigh. So. Gutted. Which is why I need to keep away!

He texted me after to say “…also I saw u on video call couple of nights ago when y’all were chatting, A was right there so I couldn’t say hi 😂”

Big sad ☹️

[automatismoateo]

Off My Chest: I Hate Christianity. Heres why. via /r/atheism

Off My Chest: I Hate Christianity. Here’s why. To be fair, I find all religions awful. Even Buddhism which gets a pass in our culture has some seriously disgusting beliefs (tldr kids with cancer deserve it). Yet Christianity seems to be the only religion in the USA which increasingly affects my day to day life. From my healthcare to where my tax dollars go. I grew up in this nonsense. I went through conversion therapy. Just learning about evolution in school was met with massive protests. Heck, I was even kidnapped by a church as a kid while being forced to hear the gospel. As I got older, I really wanted to get involved more in charity only to learn that most of the tax free churches basically did none. They’d get money to help with homelessness then didn’t. They’d get money for addiction programs and didn’t do anything except a “pray the addiction away program.” At one point I proposed a cooperative business to restore citizens with criminal records and I was told “it’s better to keep them materially poor so they can be spiritually rich.” This church (Xenos Christian Fellowship) later received a $1 million PPP loan which was also forgiven. What really separated me from the Christian church was doubt. Even at 5 years old I was filled with doubt. I’d be told to read some book and I did, but was always left wanting. I studied theology for I could enter church leadership and we’d talk about the more scary parts of the Bible: Old Testament genocide and infanticide. Now we’d write off genocide as the murdered having deserved it, but infants? What did they do? Well there’s two answers: god can do what we want (but this also implies he’s a dick sending a lot of people to hell) or the more accepted answer: those kids were killed before the age of responsibility and thus got a pretty nice gift. Of course when 2016 rolled around and my church backed Trump because he would undo roe v wade, I had to ask: why? Wouldn’t it make more sense for abortion to keep happening to spare those lives? Hell we should be rounding kids now! Just as you’d put a suffering animal out of its misery, we could save multitudes from eternal damnation. The big problem with doubt in the Christian church is that at a certain point they make it a character issue: this doubt isn’t legitimate because you’ve been deceived by satan. Nevermind gods hands off attitude when being deceived by the second most intelligent creature around… it’s an escape hatch for religious leaders without answers. My question had me speaking with so many religious leaders and they couldn’t use the “deceived” logic. The calculus is self-evident. They’d just say “look you have to believe! What else is there?” Nothing. And that’s okay. I hate having given so much of my life to this religion, I go to therapy and it helps. However, none of this made me hate Christianity. It gives people comfort. You do you boo! Hell I’m not consumed with hate when they get loans that are forgiven. But over the last decade I’ve built a wonderful life for myself that doesn’t involve Christianity, but day by day that’s encroached upon arbitrarily. My healthcare. My freedom of speech and thought. There’s double standards in almost every aspect of my life. You can take my money and get your tax breaks, but let me have my damn autonomy. Haven’t you had enough? I hate Christianity. Truly. And I hate the idiotic Christians I have to encounter day to day. And it’s not because Satan corrupted me You really are just that insufferable. We could just leave each other alone, but here we are. Submitted April 02, 2024 at 08:42PM by TheKimulator (From Reddit https://ift.tt/X26aycl)

[tennfan2]

Nice to Meet You (Again)

(Oh hey - it’s my first scene log in… a long damn time! Also, Daisy? Put the card for this away while you read.)

First, a confession: my thing with memory play is that it kind of pisses me off that people are able to do it. I mean, I’m happy for them, but it’s always been kind of elusive for me. As a result, I’ve always had kind of mixed success with it as a hypnotist.

So when my friend Daisy, who I’d been talking with since last summer and doing online trancy things with since the fall, mentioned being sort of curious about it, I was happy to play around. She’s a really good subject - someone who just inherently “gets it” - so I felt pretty good about the possibilities.

So, over a few weeks, we played with some simple things and over time we built a metaphor I really love. The idea is this: our brains are reference libraries, our memories are books, and there sure are a ton of books there, right? Too many to keep up with. So we all have a card catalog we can flip through to find the right one. The books never leave (it’s a reference library, obviously) but if you lose the card that tells you where it is? Then it’s essentially impossible to find.

I learned that Daisy would be arriving to Charmed a day before I’d be able to get there, but since I live nearby, I had an idea. What if I picked her up on Wednesday evening and had her forget I’d done so, giving us two chances to meet for the first time?

I threw out the idea during one of our conversations and it was quite well received. I believe the response was just “HOT. Hot.”

A couple of weeks before Charmed, I had her in trance and walked through the particulars of the plan, and let her know that there was no need to remember that we’d even talked about it. Her (very excellent) brain did the rest and over the ensuing days she knew that we’d discussed… something, but there was no clue as to what.

So there I was, pulling up to the airport on the Wednesday before Charmed, and there she was, waiting on the curb. It had been a long time since I’d had that kind of moment–the one that comes from months of conversation and phone calls and Skype trances and that joy of finally meeting someone who felt like an old friend in the flesh. All joy, all around.

We got into the car and started driving and chatting, but I looked at my GPS and realized I’d totally overestimated the drive from the airport to the hotel. I quickly asked her if I could do a thing, and she agreed; I put her into trance as we drove and reminded her about the plan:

I’d take her to the hotel and get her settled, but as soon as I left, she’d forget how she got there, remembering only a lovely rideshare ride with a very nice driver. She’d know she’d gotten there safely and it would all make good sense in her mind. I also planted some other Easter eggs for the weekend, and helped reinforce some safety suggestions we’d built over the time we’d be playing.

We got to the hotel and she checked in, I went up to her room with her and got her settled, and then headed for home. Friends, it was *audaciously* hard to pry myself away. But I knew the payoff would be worth it.

She actually texted the next afternoon to see when I’d be arriving with my merry band of carmates, who I’d told about my plan, but when we arrived, she was engaged as a demo bottom and eager learner in Wiseguy’s first-day class! It was hilarious because I’d rounded up most of my covid pod for the weekend to watch the big reveal, and they were… slightly impatient as we awaited her getting out of class.

But when she arrived from class? It was pure, unmitigated joy, again. I knew it would be fun to meet her twice for the first time, but I can’t overstate how cool it was.

The look on her face to “finally” meet was so real, so joyful. It was as close as one could get to perfect. I introduced her to my friends, and then leaned in to ask… “is there anything you need to remember?”

Y’all. Y’ALL. It could not have been better. Her eyes rolled up and fluttered for what seemed like a minute, but was probably just a few seconds. Seeing the memories return to her mind in real time was unlike anything I’d ever really experienced. She turned to me, said “... you little shit.” (a term of endearment - take my word for it) and then just collapsed into a squat for… a while.

It was so fun, so exciting, and so incredibly cool to do this, and I’m so grateful to Daisy for letting poke around in her brain (which is a truly excellent co-conspirator in all of this). What a great way to start a great weekend.

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

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