#is not a dynamic id ever want with a partner

[bisexual-nightmare]

The more I go to shows alone the more I think people should also do that thing if they’re able. Seriously. Part of it’s my anxiety, I know, but if I ask someone to go with me to something I spend a lot of energy tuned into them and trying to constantly gauge whether or not they’re enjoying it.

But going alone? Yeah, there’s the initial awkward (I don’t know how to exist in spaces very well, it’s a self worth issue, I’m working on it) but when the show starts - I can be immersed in it. Because I’m not worrying about my seat mate, because there isn’t one.

And it’s so freeing.

the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.

[mulloey]

hundred bands

student loans, a sugar daddy website, and johnny suh. three things you never thought would find you in quite this way.

part of my february festival

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words: 8.4k

warnings: bdsm dynamics - dom!johnny x sub!reader, degradation, slight humiliation, discussion of pet play & master/slave play, slight corruption, titles (daddy/sir), paddling, face slapping, subspace, brief moment of insecurity, face fucking etc

—

You wonder if this is how it usually starts; a broke college student, an overeager friend and a last resort.

It’s not like you wanted or planned this; your final year of university and your tuition fees were piling up by the hour; your loan had already run out and all your applications for more money had been shot down about as delicately as a war plane. You’re pretty certain you’re on the loan office’s blocked callers list now.

It was your friend’s suggestion. You already knew she had a sugar daddy—a man named Mark who she never let you meet and seemed way too young to be doing this but, based on the flashy clothes she’d started wearing recently, clearly had enough money for it. And contrary to your expectations of sugaring as she called it, he actually seemed very nice; she was constantly gushing about how well he treated her and he appeared extremely respectful and affectionate towards her on the phone calls you’d been privy to. So fuck it, you thought, and you signed up for the website she’d given you as soon as you were drunk enough to bring yourself to do it.

While this was undoubtedly a sex-focused service, she’d emphasised to you the classy nature of the site; no lewd usernames, no nude pictures of any kind; just a clothed photo that showed your figure, basic information about you, and the type of arrangement you were looking for.

PLEASE SELECT ONE:

Sugar daddy/sugar baby

Straight/gay/bisexual

Top/bottom/vers

Dominant/submissive/switch/vanilla

Your blush ran deeper as you made your way down the list, arranging yourself into categories that felt a little like being sold at auction. Sugar baby. Straight. Bottom.

At the final question, you hesitated—you thought about putting ‘vanilla’, a little afraid of what these rich, anonymous men might expect to be able to pay for, but the words of your best friend rang out in your head. “Be honest with what you want,” she’d told you. “Just because you’re doing this for money doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get any fun from it.”

She was right, as usual. If you were going to get fucked for money, then you at least deserved to fucked well; even so, you had to close your eyes in shame as you clicked the little box titled ‘submissive’. That was a side of you that had only ever existed in your fantasies.

The rest of your profile was simple; you almost backed out when they asked for your ID, not wanting to give yourself away, but visions of loan sharks and withheld diplomas squashed those doubts pretty quickly—you were going to do this. You were going to get some rich man to pay your tuition, and that was the end of it. You had no other choice.

To be fair to the site, it was pretty well and, considering what it was for, non-pervertedly designed. You were matched with partners based on your preferences, but no one could message you until you’d liked their profile. You spent a few minutes clicking through the profiles, haphazardly liking or disliking as you felt like it, until one made you pause.

The picture was of a man in a suit, cropped at the neck to conceal his identity; but you didn’t really need to see his face to know that this man… well. He was certainly an option. Just from that one picture, taken from below, sleeves rolled up and linen straining against his chest, you felt authority emanating through the screen. Yeah, this could work very well.

You clicked nervously on his profile, hoping not to find anything crazy or gross in his bio to turn you off of him, but it was, well. Normal. For this place at least.

Sugar daddy. Straight. Top. Dominant. A good start—perfectly aligned with you.

From his bio you found out he was almost 30–a decent bit older than you but not over the line; he worked in the entertainment industry, and he valued discretion. Likewise, you thought.

You clicked like without a much more consideration.

The message came through an hour later, just as you were sitting down for dinner; you couldn’t help but grin when you got the notification, opening it nervously.

Hey. Hope you don’t mind the intrusion, but you’re nearby and I’d be interested in getting to know you. Would that be ok?

At first you were a little taken aback by how… polite the message was. How normal. Given the nature of the site you were half-expecting something perverted and disturbing, but this man was taking you by surprise already.

You typed your reply with your bottom lip held painfully between your teeth.

Hi :) that sounds great! I’m free next weekend if you are?

Great. Saturday evening? I’ll take you for dinner, if you like?

Perfect.

The nine days between then and your first meeting pass surprisingly quickly; you keep in regular contact with your faceless friend, you both having agreed to keep things anonymous for now, and though neither of you dance around the reason you’re both here, you find it easy to have normal, friendly conversations with him too. You tell him about your degree, and he gives you small details about his life and work—a singer, he says. He offers nothing more and you don’t press; from the way he talks about it you get the sense he may be some level of well-known, and you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. You’ll find out who he is on Saturday anyway.

On Monday night, just as you’re finishing up an assignment, your phone lights up with a new notification. You have his KakaoTalk now; it’s easier and more inconspicuous than the site and feels a lot less intimidating. The cartoon kitten on his profile picture makes you giggle as you open the message.

Now that we know each other a little better, would you be down to talk more about what our arrangement would look like, if it went ahead?

Yeah, of course. What are you thinking?

Can I call you?

Your stomach tightens and your palms tense nervously; you’ve called him before, but as you quickly found out, his voice makes it very difficult to concentrate on what he’s actually saying. You’re not exactly sure why; maybe it’s the deep, masculine lilt to it, but it sets your nerves on edge—still, you imagine this would be a better conversation to have on the phone, so you type your agreement with shaking hands.

Almost instantly the call comes through; “Hello?” You say softly.

“Hey, honey.” His voice is warm and familiar but still intimidating and the pet name he’s been using the past few days doesn’t make it any easier to keep a clear head. “How you feeling?”

“M’ good,” you mumble and he chuckles softly.

”Great. Well, I suppose we’ll just jump into it, yeah?” You make a noise of agreement and he continues. “Your profile said you’re a submissive. Can you tell me a little about that?”

You blank a little, already feeling out of your depth. You never thought this was a conversation you’d be having with someone, let alone a near stranger. “About that?” you echo. “Like, in what regard?”

“Well, do you have experience in that area?” His voice has a slightly deeper edge now; it’s focused and a little stern—clearly this is something he takes extremely seriously. “Have you submitted to someone before?”

“Um.” Your mind flashes with images of your previous partners; the varying experiences you’d had them but none of it seems to fit what you feel like he’s asking. “Not really.”

He hums. “So, if I had to guess,” he says, “you’ve been choked a few times, maybe spanked a little bit, and I’m assuming at least one of your partners wanted you to call him daddy?”

You can’t help but flush; that’s… exactly accurate. “Yeah,” you mumble. “How’d you know?”

“When people say ‘not really’, that’s usually what they mean.” You hear the smile in his voice and you wonder how many people he’s had this conversation with. You also wonder why the thought makes you a little bit jealous.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I assume you’ve gathered by now that I’m looking for more than that?”

Your stomach turns and you nod; it’s silent for a moment until you realise he can’t actually see you and you mumble a reply, embarrassed.

He laughs a little, seeming to realise what you’ve done before continuing. “There’s a lot I want to do with you, but I’m not going to dump it on you all at once, so we’ll start with what you’ve done already, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You said you’ve been choked,” he said. “So you’re comfortable having things on your neck.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’d certainly choke you during sex, if you’re comfortable. But I might use my arms rather than my hands. And at some point, I’d like to put a collar on you. How does that sound?”

“Um.” Fucking fantastic, you want to say, but you’re too embarrassed and still determined to play it at least a little bit cool. “It sounds nice.”

“Good. The next thing we mentioned is spanking, correct?”

You know you’re blushing now, shifting uncomfortably in your seat and trying to relieve some of the pressure between your legs. Something about the way he speaks so calmly and professionally about these things is really doing it for you, apparently. “Yeah,” you breathe.

“If I had to make a guess on that, I’d say they slapped your ass a few times during sex. Maybe a little foreplay, too. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, again, I’d do that too, but it’d be more than that. If you become my sugar baby, you become my submissive as well, which means you’d submit to my rules and discipline. Ya follow?”

It’s not a massive shock; he’d mentioned BDSM before, and you weren’t surprised given his profile—but hearing it out loud, in that voice, is a different feeling. “Yeah, I follow,” you say. “So you’d punish me? How?”

“Well if we’re talking about spanking…” He pauses for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “I’ll give you an example. Say you broke a rule, like if you talked back to me or I caught you touching yourself when I’d told you not to, then I’d put you over my knee, pull your panties down and spank you til I feel like you’re sorry. How does that sound?”

“Oh.” There’s an undeniable pressure in your stomach and you try not to let the arousal seep into your voice. “That’s… wow.”

“Is that good or bad?” He asks. He’s laughing, but he sounds cautious too. It makes you feel safe, the way he’s genuinely concerned about your feelings on this; it’s the bare minimum, sure, but you expected worse from that website.

“Good,” you breathe. “Really good.”

“Oh?” He’s teasing now; you practically see the grin on his face despite the fact you don’t actually know what that face looks like. “Does someone want to be spanked?”

“I think… yeah.”

“That’s good,” he laughs. “I bet you’ll look really cute kicking and squirming over my lap. Don’t you think?”

“Hopefully,” you mumble.

“I’m sure. And the last thing we mentioned. You’ve called someone daddy before, you said. Did you like it?”

“Yeah.” You answer quickly; you figure there’s no point in shame now.

“I see.” He pauses again. “I usually prefer sir, but I’m not opposed to daddy, either.”

“Oh.”

“Speaking of.” There’s a playfulness to his voice now; a teasing lilt that makes you bite back a laugh. “You should get to bed, young lady. Why are you even up?”

“Assignments,” you say. “And what’s your excuse, sir?”

You hear the sharp intake of breath through the phone; the soft, strangled sound that dies in his throat and you feel a twinge of satisfaction. Yeah. I can play this game too.

He clears his throat, releasing an exasperated sigh and there’s a rustling sound before he speaks, voice dipping slightly. “My excuse,” he says, “is that I’ve nowhere to be tomorrow. Unlike a certain little brat.”

The final word is drawn out, teasing and warning at the same time and your chest tightens in excitement and a million other things. You don’t even know what this guy looks like, but fuck, he’s so good. You want to push his buttons and obey his every word simultaneously.

“True,” you mumble. “Okay, I’ll sleep.”

“Good girl.” The satisfied smile is audible in his voice. “See you Saturday, pretty.”

—

This man is gorgeous.

That’s your first thought when you see him Saturday evening; he’s waiting for you when your car pulls up, calling your name with a smile and wrapping an arm around your waist as he helps you out. He introduces himself as Johnny, and his voice sounds even better in person.

Your second thought follows not long after; you recognise him. You’d figured by now that he was probably some level of famous, but you weren’t interested enough in the whole idol culture to have recognised him from his voice alone; in fact it’s only when he tells you his name that you finally place him. You wait until you’re seated, in a private room you’d rather not know the cost of, before asking.

“I don’t wanna be too weird,” you say, “but you’re an idol, right?”

He laughs, nodding with a soft smile. “I am. Do you know me?”

“I’ve heard of you,” you mumble; you’re not sure why you’re so embarrassed to know who he is—that’s the whole point of celebrities, after all. You chuckle dryly, trying to ease the weight of the awkwardness you feel in your chest. “I recognised your face but I couldn’t figure out where I knew you from til you told me your name.”

“Ah.” His posture is relaxed, tone jovial but you see a surety and intensity in his eyes that makes you cower instinctively. “Heard any of my music?” He asks, and you can tell from his voice that he’s teasing you again.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t know.” You shrug. “I mean, I’m not really into that stuff but like, I’m obviously gonna look you up when I’m home now.”

“I figured,” he laughs. “Shoot me a text once you’ve decided I’m your favourite.”

“If I decide that,” you say, and he laughs louder. You feel yourself relaxing a little; his open, friendly demeanour could make anyone ease up and you can’t help but feel comfortable in his presence. Only his dark eyes, which scarcely leave you but to call over the waiter and order, keep you on edge.

You don’t know what any of the words on the menu mean, so you let him order for you—he seems to like that; choosing for you, making small, simple decisions on your behalf. You see it on his face.

As it turns out he’s very good at choosing, too; the beef dish they bring out is something your friend had told you about, when you’d mentioned coming to this restaurant and she realised she’d been there with her own sugar daddy. It tastes amazing and the champagne that flows with it is even better.

“Food good?” He asks with a smile.

“Yeah,” you say. “Is yours?”

“Perfect,” he says. The weight of his gaze on you is unavoidable and you twirl the spaghetti around your fork nervously, just wanting something to do to avoid his eyes.

“So, um.” You clear your throat, trying to think of something to fill the silence but nothing comes. Johnny watches you with a small smirk; all-knowing.

“Don’t be nervous,” he says finally. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

You hold back a laugh, biting your lip and he notices. “Well, I mean…”

“Yeah, okay, I am going to hurt you a bit.” He’s grinning, and you realise he chose his words intentionally; though whether to ease the tension or tighten it further you don’t know. “But I do want you to be comfortable with me.”

“Yeah. I am, I think.”

“Great. May I ask you something?”

You motion for him to speak and he smiles; you think you see the first hint of trepidation in his eyes before it quickly dims into the usual cool intensity.

“Obviously it hasn’t been long enough to make a firm decision,” he says, “but just so I have an idea, are you open to the idea of coming home with me tonight?”

You swallow; your stomach tightens at the proposition and the visions it provokes and your response is whispered like a scandalous secret. “Like… to play with you?”

“Yes,” he says. “It doesn’t have to mean the start of a dynamic, and we won’t have sex; just think of it as a taster session.”

That doesn’t seem so bad, you think. And he’s careful, not rushing you into a dynamic or even pressuring you at all; that’s a good sign, right? “So what— um. What would we do?”

“Depends on your behaviour.” He winks teasingly at you from behind the glass in his hand and your head is in overdrive with the images he’d given you on the phone a few days ago; of being choked and collared and spanked by those impossibly large hands resting so tantalisingly close to yours.

You clench your thighs, swallowing dryly. “Yeah. I’m… open to the idea.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

The evening passes surprisingly quickly; the tension in the air has all but dissipated, but for the subtle movements he makes every now and then just to see your reaction; a quirk of an eyebrow, a knowing smile, a perfectly timed touch that sends electricity rushing through your veins.

You know he’s toying with you, studying your natural responses to small hints of dominance so you react with similarly small, playful acts of submission in return; cowering under his gaze, bowing your head—allowing him the first taste of the control you may soon surrender completely to him.

“So,” he says, once the waiters have removed the last of your dessert plates. “Would you like to come home with me?”

—

Five million won lands in your bank account as you’re taking the elevator up to his apartment. You make a noise of shock, staring dumbfoundedly between him and the notification, but he says nothing; just smirks ever so slightly as he guides you out of the elevator with a hand on your lower back.

Johnny’s apartment is pretty much as you pictured it; everything a successful man on the cusp of his thirties would go for—black, white and grey themes, a large TV, low, atmospheric lighting and a stunning view of the city through the floor-to-ceiling windows that loom over you when you step inside. He removes your jacket for you, pausing to take in the outfit you’ve chosen once again before helping you remove your heels. He’s careful and gentlemanly, touches feather-light on your legs as he slides your shoes off. You’re not sure if the image of him on his knees in front of you like this contrasts or enhances the feeling of his dominance over you. You think it’s the latter, somehow.

When he stands up you see that without the few inches your heels provided you, he’s even more imposing—and in his own house, on his territory, you feel smaller than you ever have before.

“Come,” he smiles. He’s removed his suit jacket now, but the dress shirt, slacks and shoes are still on; the soles click against the floor as he guides you down the hallway by the hand.

You stop at the end of the hall, hovering outside a varnished wooden door. For a moment you stand there silently and his demeanour seems to shift a little; he stands a little taller and his face takes on a new solemnity as he looks you up and down. You feel like you’re being inspected, scrutinised; studied.

Your gaze flickers towards the door—is this where he does it? Where he… dominates people? Dominates you? Are you about to walk into a room full of whips and gags and contraptions you’ve never heard of?

“Hey.” Johnny’s voice is calm and soft and stops your spiraling in its tracks. His lips quirk in an amused smile. “I know what you’re thinking. It’s not a red room.”

“Oh.” You don’t know why you’re so embarrassed—anyone would have assumed that, given the circumstances; still, you avert your eyes awkwardly, face heating up. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he says. “I’m not offended. It's reasonable to assume I’d have one. But it’s just my bedroom, nothing too scary.”

“Oh. So you don’t… um.”

“I don’t have a red room?” You nod a little ashamedly and he chuckles. “No. I don’t need one. D’you know why?”

“Why?”

A large hand clasps around your wrist, making you shiver. “Because if we do this, you don’t submit to a room. You submit to me. Wherever we are, whenever I tell you to.”

You flush. “Oh.”

“Mhm.” His voice drops, veins bulging against his neck and he cuts a more and more intimidating figure by the second. You’re so ready.

”Do you remember the conversation we had about safewords?”

Of course you do; it was the first one you had once the pleasantries were over. “Red for stop, yellow for slow, green for go.”

He makes a noise of satisfaction and there’s a ghost of a proud smile on his lips. “Excellent.”

You watch as his hand grasps the door handle, pushing it down but not opening it. He pauses for a moment, gaze flickering back to you and you tense, nerves multiplying by the minute.

“Couple things you should know,” he says. His voice is calm and collected and it makes your head rush. “First thing. When you play with me, you’re on your knees, on the floor. You don’t stand or walk or do anything I do because we’re not on the same level here. Understand?”

Your stomach flips, arousal gathering in your chest and your voice is strained when you squeak out a pathetic “Yes.”

“Good,” he says. He’s smiling knowingly, all too aware of the effect he’s having on you. “Second thing. It’s ‘yes, Sir.’”

Then the door is pushed open, and within a few seconds two things become abundantly clear; first, Johnny is true to his words—you don’t manage a single step inside his bedroom before you find yourself forced to your knees, kneeling with your head bowed beneath the pressure of his hand on the back of your neck. He holds you firmly in position but there’s little force behind his grip; there doesn’t need to be. He told you early on that he has no interest in subduing you or compelling you to submit—you’ll submit to him because you want to, and he’ll give you everything you need in return.

The second thing that becomes clear is that when Johnny said he didn’t have a red room, that was only technically the truth—because sure, it’s not a strictly-sex-only room, and it’s not red, but there’s absolutely no mistaking what happens here.

A glass cabinet displays an intimidating selection of toys; whips and paddles and dildos and things you couldn’t even begin to guess the use for; a bar is fixed to a lower portion of the ceiling, and the ropes hanging from it tell you he doesn’t use it for pull-ups; but most noticeably and unavoidably, there’s a large dog’s cage filled with blankets and soft pillows sitting directly at the end of his bed.

He catches your gaze lingering on the cage and laughs softly; the hand on your neck travels up to rest in your hair, caressing you gently and you hold your head exactly where he left it despite your desire to nuzzle into his touch. You have something to prove today, after all.

“You like my cage?” You hear the grin in his voice, feather-light touches tickling against your skin.

“Is it… for humans, sir?” The size of it makes the answer obvious but you need to hear it from him; the confirmation that this is really as batshit and delightfully insane as it seems.

He hums, twirling a strand of your hair around his finger. You feel his presence above you as he crouches down a little, voice dropping to just above a whisper. “It’s for very, very bad girls indeed,” he says. “But you’re not bad, are you, precious?”

“No, sir,” you mumble. “I’ll be good.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He stands back up, towering above you again before walking over to the bed. He takes a seat, staring at you for a moment before his he lifts his hand and beckons you towards him. “Come.”

You hesitate for a moment—are you really about to do this? Are you really going to crawl on your hands and knees towards this man whose face you’d never even seen before today?

Yeah. Apparently you are.

Your breathing stutters as you make the first movements; one hand in front of the other, then your leg, over and over until you’ve somehow made it, you’ve crawled across the room and settled on your knees at his feet. He looks elated.

For a moment, he says nothing; he stares you down with a calm, collected expression that screams control and you try desperately not to shrink under it. The first touch of his hand on your face is electric when he gently grips your jaw, stroking your skin with soft fingers. You feel—and are, to him at least—tiny.

“Sweet thing,” he mumbles. “I’m gonna have so much fun with you.”

You can’t help but mewl in response, every cell of your body reacting to him, nerves standing on their ends. It’s a completely new feeling and utterly overwhelming. You want it to last forever.

“Can I hit you, angel?” His voice is low, gentle, the opposite of the way his grip on you tightens with want.

You feel yourself throb, nodding dumbly. “Yes sir.”

He smiles for a moment before his face darkens; the impact of his palm against your cheek would be enough to knock you down were it not for his still firm grip on your jaw. You cry out at the sting, unable to stop yourself and he can’t help but smile. “So responsive,” he tuts. “I’m gonna love training you up.”

You bite your lip, holding back a grin. “I hope so, sir.”

“You know,” he says. “This is my favourite part of having a new sub. Figuring out what type they are.”

You pause. “Type, sir?”

He hums; a low, pleasing sound. “No two submissives are the same, but there are general categories you could fit most of them into. Some fit in all of them, in fact.”

“What are they?”

He tilts his head, eyes glinting and you see the way he settles further into his headspace, back straightening as he stares you down. Your lack of experience seems to do something to him—and that definitely does something to you.

“Well,” he says. He speaks slowly and carefully, every word chosen with thought. “You have your puppies. They like to be on their knees. They like to whine and bark. They like to hump.” His grip tightens on your chin, tilting your head upwards. His thumb pushes past your lips and into your mouth and you accept it greedily. “And if I told them to open their mouth for their master’s spit…” He parts your lips, pushing your mouth open; he hesitates for a moment, as though he’s waiting for you to object but you don’t; you just open wider. His lips twist into a smirk before you feel a wad of saliva land on your tongue. “They’d slack their jaw and swallow it like a good dog.”

He watches with a smile as you obey, letting the spit slide down your throat. Your head feels fuzzy and floaty and all the sensations in your body, from the feeling of the carpet against your shins to the arousal that twists painfully in your gut, feel distant and separate. The only thing that feels real and complete right now is Johnny.

“Seems you like pet play,” he chuckles. “I’ll have to get you some ears. A tail, too.” He strokes your cheek and you keen into his touch unconsciously. “Would you let me plug your ass with a little puppy tail, baby?”

“Yes sir.” The words are coming out on their own now, your body responding for you before your conscious can catch up. He smiles.

“You’d be a lovely kitten, too,” he says. “They’re not as much fun to play with as puppies, but they look oh so pretty in your lap. And sometimes it’s nice to have a pliant little thing that will let you use their holes without complaining.”

Oh, that does sound nice. You think you’d enjoy that sometimes, when you’re feeling softer and more fragile and just want to be cared for. And he’s so large and broad and warm that he’s practically custom made to have you in his lap. You’d fit perfectly and prettily and you sigh dreamily without realising. He laughs and you quickly regain yourself, blushing deeply.

“Sorry, sir,” you mumble. “Um. Were all your subs, like, pets?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve had a few slaves before as well,” he says. “They were lovely; obeyed me like it was second nature. Took all the pain and humiliation I inflicted on them and still wanted more. Almost made me rethink my policy on not drawing blood, but that’s not my sort of thing really; they took a whipping like nobody’s business though.”

You cower a little, gaze dropping downwards; this doesn’t seem like you. You’re more than happy to be hurt and humiliated by Johnny, but this just seems… too much. You’re not ready for that level of submission and you’re not even sure you want to be. You feel a faint pressure on your chest, a familiar feeling of having fallen short but you’re not sure why; you’re allowed to say no—when you signed up for the website you signed a contract which stated it explicitly, and Johnny himself has reiterated it to you multiple times. You don’t have to take everything he offers you and you don’t have to do or be or enjoy anything simply because he does.

So why does it feel like a shortcoming; like you’ve foundered and failed before you’ve ever started?

You’ve zoned out without realising, deep in thought; Johnny sees the gears turning in your head and clicks his tongue, nudging your jaw upwards again. His smile is warm and gentle when you finally meet his gaze and though his voice is still soft and patient, there’s a finality to it that wasn’t there before; a seriousness. “You don’t like the sound of that, that’s okay,” he assures you. “You should never, ever force yourself to do something just to please me, or to please anyone. Understand?”

“I understand, sir,” you whisper. The sternness in his voice tells you he’s not playing now; he needs you to know this and keep it with you.

“Good girl,” he praises. His voice lifts a little and you see the moment he changes tack, back to toying with you like he was before. “God, you’re pretty. I don’t think I could hurt a little thing like you that way even if you did want it.”

You whine without realising it; your mind is a complete fog now, control and awareness slipping away by the second but you manage to string the few words that come to you into a slow, stuttered sentence. “Are those, um… that’s all of it, sir?”

His laugh is fond and a little condescending, like you’ve said something adorably stupid. You feel warm. “Those are just some typical ones,” he says. “Ones I’ve played with before. You don’t have to assign yourself to any of them, it just helps me to see what you do and don’t like the sound of.“

“Right.”

“You seem to like being a puppy,” he continues. There’s a teasing edge to his voice and you hold back another whine. “I think you’d like being a kitten sometimes, too. Turning your brain off and just letting daddy use you, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

Your body reacts of its own accord to the title; you shudder in his hold, slumping slightly as a soft moan escapes your lips and it makes him laugh softly, fondly. “You really like the whole daddy thing, huh?”

You nod, a little embarrassed—it’s not even that you’re particularly into it on your own, in fact you only called your ex that because he wanted you to. Sure, you enjoyed it and it certainly made him fuck you harder and deeper and better, but you’ve never explored it of your own volition. You’ve never felt the need to.

But something about the way it sounds so sweet and natural on Johnny’s lips, like he’s acknowledging a reality rather than acting out a fantasy, makes it all seem so right—and so exciting. He certainly suits the name; so big and so strong and in complete control of you. Yeah, you’re definitely going to need to try this out.

You see in his face that his own thoughts are similar; his eyes are fogged with arousal and there’s a thick tension in his neck as he swallows. “You definitely make it work.” His hand moves from your jaw to cup your cheek and he lets you nuzzle against it greedily, a smile twitching on his lips. “Cute. God, there’s so much I could do to you.”

“Do it,” you breathe. “Please, sir.”

“Such good manners,” he croons. “You need it so bad, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you whine. You don’t even know what ‘it’ is, but you know he’s right; you’re desperate, feverish for it. For anything, as long as it comes from him.

“Ask me nicely,” he whispers. “Ask me for what you want, baby, and I’ll give it to you.”

“You,” you say. “You, sir.”

In a moment of desperation—or stupidity, perhaps—you reach for him, hands curling into the material of his shirt and grazing against what feels like a full set of abs beneath it. Wrong move.

He lifts you by the hair, dragging you to your feet and throwing you over his knee. Your heart pounds with expectation but he doesn’t hit you as you expect him to; instead he flips you over so you’re lying on your back, head resting on the sheets; your hair falls prettily around your face and you make the perfect picture of innocence. You want him to ruin it.

The feeling of his hand on your throat is electric; the other roams across your torso, groping your tits with a detached interest. He’s in no hurry, after all.

“Who told you to touch me, huh?” His words are growled, arousal filled as he grabs one of your tits and squeezes hard enough to make you whimper. “Here I thought you were gonna be good for me.”

“I am,” you whine. “Sir, I’m sorry. I’ll be good, I will.”

He’s silent for a moment, staring you down like he’s figuring out whether he believes you before sitting you up so you’re perched on his knee. He grabs your wrists and moves them behind you, folded over each other and resting against your lower back. “Keep those there,” he says. “This is your first lesson. You don’t touch what’s not yours and you don’t move a muscle without my permission. Understand?”

You nod dumbly and he slaps your face just this side of painfully. “Words, my girl.”

My girl. Why does that feel so delicious and warm in your chest? “Yes, sir,” you mewl. “I understand.”

“Good.”

And then his lips are on yours, colliding desperately and almost painfully as if he’s been waiting for this his entire life. His hands are in your hair, tugging your head backwards to allow him to place a trail of wet kisses down your face and neck. His mouth latches onto your collarbone, sucking harshly at the skin and you know it’ll be purple when he pulls away. It stings in the best way and a string of curses tumble out in a rush as you ride the high of pleasure. He bites down a little, making you yelp. “Manners,” he grumbles against your skin but he doesn’t let go, so you figure he’s letting you off with that one.

When he finally pulls away his eyes are dark and feral; all pupil and all control. His hands roam up and down the sides of your torso and he looks ready to tear you apart. “Where’d you get this dress, pretty girl?”

You pause, caught off guard. He was sucking a bruise into your skin a moment ago and now he wants fashion tips? “Um… a mall, I think.”

“Is it special to you at all?”

“Not really.”

“Good.”

With both hands he grabs at the fabric on your chest and yanks it apart; the material rips easily, crumbling in his hands and there’s a million sensations in your body as he yanks the remaining fabric off of you. The sight of your lacy black lingerie makes him smile and he fingers gently at the soft fabric of your bra. “How about these?” He asks.

“They’re not special,” you mumble. “But it’s my nicest set.”

“I’ll get you nicer.” The bra and panties put up little fight against him, and soon you’re completely naked and dripping on his lap. He pinches your stomach, just above your pussy and you whine. “Don’t ever wanna see you in cheap shit like that,” he mutters. “My girl wears the best, you understand me?”

“Yes sir,” you whisper. “Wanna be pretty for you.”

“Always are,” he grunts. He stills for a moment, stroking your thigh before he clicks his fingers, pointing at the floor in front of him. “Down.”

You obey wordlessly; you’ve adjusted surprisingly quickly to the automatic obedience he seems to expect—your body is already following his orders of its own accord even while your mind fades away into subspace and he seems profoundly pleased by it. You settle on your knees, staring up at him with wide eyes.

His lips quirk. Seconds feel like minutes until he finally speaks.

“Give me your hands.”

—

Your friend has been silent for two entire minutes. That’s how long it’s been since you finished recounting the events of the night before and looked up to see her staring at you with an open mouth. She looks… well, you don’t know exactly, but she definitely wasn’t expecting this. That much is very clear.

“Dude.” You force an awkward laugh, trying to break the silence that seems to judge you as much as you fear she is too. “You good?”

Finally she recovers herself and nods, raising the coffee mug to her lips and taking a long sip. She puts it down and you see a small smile pulling at her lips. “Yeah,” she says. “I just. Wow, girl.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t expect… that from you. I thought you were vanilla?”

You frown; you’re not sure you’d categorise your exploits with your exes as strictly vanilla, but to someone like her, who’s more than versed in the world of dominance and submission and had only ended up as a sugar baby later on, you suppose it would be. “I thought so too. Mostly.” You shrug. “But he’s really good.”

“You don’t say,” she snorts. Her eyes are wide and you recognise the faintest hint of arousal in her expression—recognize it at as the same one you’d worn last night when Johnny tied you to a chair in front of his floor length mirror and forced you to watch as he fucked you with a vibrator until you came all over his hands.

You can’t help but rub your thighs together slightly at the memory. You clear your throat. “Yeah.”

“Fuck, I can’t believe he paddled you, girl.” She sounds impressed. “I still can’t convince mine to do that.”

You definitely didn’t have to convince Johnny; when he bent you over the bed and ran the black leather paddle across your ass, all he needed was the word ‘green’ tumbling from your lips and he was convinced and ready to go. You bite back a laugh at the thought. “Yeah,” you say.

“Did it hurt?”

“Kind of.”

You’d expected it to be worse, honestly; the paddle was fairly large and he wielded it in his hands like an executioner’s sword but as he explained to you, pain wasn’t the point of this one. It hurt, sure, but it was a slight sting and then a dull ache that was pretty bearable once the first rush subsided. But that was exactly what he wanted; the leather paddle was for play, designed for sensation rather than punishment—punishment, he told you, would come in the form of a larger wooden paddle you hope never to meet.

“Jealous,” she huffs. “And he sent you even more after?”

You nod. The transfer of ten million won as you stepped out of the taxi nearly made you collapse.

Good girl, the note said. You could almost see the smug smile as he typed it out.

“You got a good one, babe,” your friend says. “Hope he keeps it up.”

So do you.

—

The position you’re in is becoming familiar now; on your knees in front of him, naked and bound by ropes that snake down your back and loop under your thighs. What’s not familiar is the silicone plug sitting snugly in your ass and vibrating on a low, constant frequency; not enough to stimulate or satisfy you in any way, but enough to keep you needy and on edge.

Johnny is slouched slightly, lounging in his large, leather armchair and tapping his foot against the floor. His gaze is firm and authoritative but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. He taps your cheek with his finger.

“What to do with you?” It comes out as a purr and you see his bulge beginning to strain against his slacks. Your breath hitches slightly, lips pursing and he notices, because of course he does; the grin that stretches over his lips is sly and scheming.

“You like my cock, huh?” He asks. “Haven’t even seen it yet, desperate girl.”

Your eyes flicker between his crotch and those dark, piercing eyes, unsure which is affecting you more. “Sir…”

“I’m right here,” he says. “You want it?”

“Yeah,” you whisper. “Please, sir. Want it.”

He leans back, adjusting himself slightly. “Take it out, then. Do your job.”

You nod; you can do that. You really fucking want to do that, actually. It’s been over a week of this and you still haven’t seen his cock—he, meanwhile, has seen and touched and marked every naked inch of you.

“Yes sir.” Your hands are shaking when you undo his slacks; you falter slightly when the zip comes down and you realise he’s not wearing underwear and he cocks a questioning eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”

You shake your head, blushing slightly. “No sir.”

“Good. Pull it out.”

His cock springs up when you release it from the slacks and it’s just as big as you expected-slash-feared-slash-hoped it would be. It’s thick and veiny too, already leaking from the tip and you know your eyes are wide and desperate but you don’t care. You’ve never seen something more appetising.

“You like it, huh?” There’s amusement in his voice, layered beneath the husk of arousal. “Good. I’m gonna train you to take it every day, make you a total cockwhore for me. Hold still now.”

He pulls you towards him, holding your head steady as he pushes into your mouth. He’s not exactly rough with it, but he’s clearly not too concerned with your comfort right now; any attempt to stop you from gagging or coughing up on it is for his own sake, not yours. He guides it down into your throat and you feel yourself tearing up at the intrusion. You splutter slightly, unable to avoid choking and he tuts, yanking you back by the hair to give you a moment to breathe before pushing you back down.

“Have to train that out of you,” he mutters. “Gonna teach you to keep your throat open for me.”

He holds you still, cock resting in your throat until you settle around it, adjusting to the stretch and the feeling. “Good girl,” he grunts. “Take it like that, all the way.”

He pulls you back again and you gasp for breath, spluttering slightly but even as you regain your composure you’re still suckling eagerly at his tip like it’s the only thing you know how to do. You feel the shudder that runs through him as it reaches his cock, throbbing on your tongue. “You’re too good at this,” he mutters. “Learning so quickly. Who taught you to take a cock like that?”

“No one, sir.” Your voice is muffled around his cock, drool dripping down onto your lap.

“Shit, baby, you were really made for this. You need a reward.”

The feeling of his shoe nudging against your knees makes you jolt. “Open,” he says.

When you spread your legs you feel the stickiness of your thighs as they separate and your face burns—you’re leaking like a fucking bitch. Johnny’s smile is the widest you’ve ever seen it. “Oh, baby,” he tuts. “Dripping all over my floor like that. You in heat, honey?” His voice is teasing, gaze sharp and he doesn’t miss the shudder that rushes through you.

Still being in the early stages of your arrangement, you haven’t yet had a chance to explore the different dynamics Johnny had explained to you the first time you kneeled for him; to feel what it’s like to be his puppy or kitten whatever he wants you to be that day. For now, you’re his straightforward submissive and though you’ve certainly fucked yourself a few times to the thought of him pulling you around on a leash, you haven’t felt in a particular rush to pursue it just yet.

But those words. That tone.

You in heat?

You remember your neighbour in high school who bred dogs; how she’d sit at the table with your mother discussing puppies and litters and heats. It’s a distinctively… canine word to you; to hear yourself, your behaviour described in that way is thrilling. He knows it.

His foot moves forwards until it’s in front of your pussy and you don’t even hesitate for a second when he tells you to mount it. He watches you with a calm, pleased expression. “Look at me.”

He’s biting his lip when you meet his eyes, clearly as afflicted as you. “You remember your first lesson?”

“Yes sir.”

“What was it?”

“Don’t touch, sir,” you whisper. “Don’t touch, or— or move without permission.”

“Good,” he nods. “Remember that. You don’t move unless I tell you to. And you certainly don’t hump. Yeah?”

“Yes sir.”

He curls a stray hair behind your ear and a smile flickers over his lips. “You’re gonna tie that up next time,” he says. He tugs lightly at your hair to illustrate his point and you moan softly. “I don’t want you looking like a stray in here. I keep my toys clean.”

Fuck, you love the way he talks to you; insulting and demeaning yet tickling all the right parts of your brain to make you melt even deeper into submission.

He pulls you towards him. “Keep that mouth open.”

That’s the only thing you get that even resembles a warning before he’s shoving himself into you again and there’s no pretence of gentleness or caution this time as he forces his way into your throat. He holds your head down on it and pushes two thumbs into the top of your jaw so you can’t close your mouth even if you want to—all you can do is gag and choke and take it until he’s finished with you.

You’re faintly aware of tears streaming down your face, but by the time they land on your chest they’re mixed with the door that pours from your mouth as he fucks in and out. You’re so overwhelmed that you scarcely notice the feeling of your dripping pussy rubbing agonisingly against his shoe and trying desperately not to move; all the sensations have blurred into one now and everything is the same, everything is too much. You want more.

When he pulls out you can’t help but whine, feeling the loss and he chuckles. “Never met someone so desperate for cock,” he says. “Born for it, weren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Your gaze shifts to the cock in his hands, still hard and leaking and your tongue swipes over your bottom lip, practically salivating. You shoot him a pleading look and he clicks his tongue. “No, sweet thing. You’ve had enough of that. Besides, I don’t think you’ve earned my cum in your throat yet. Push your tits out for me.”

You obey begrudgingly, disappointed at the denial but still eager to please; he rewards you with a slight nudge of his foot against your pussy and you buck against it, falling against his shin and he laughs and pulls you back by the hair so he can see you properly.

“So easy,” he groans. His hand slides up and down his dick with increasing vigour and he throws his head back in pleasure. “Fuck.”

The tightening of his grip in your hair tells you when he’s about to cum and you push your tits out further to catch it. He grunts and moans through his orgasm and your chest and thighs are a mess of drool and spit and cum by the time he picks you up and takes you into his lap.

His rough hands are tender and careful now as he runs a warm wet cloth across your skin, gathering the mess you made together. His fingers are rubbing soothing patterns on your neck as he‘a mumbling something you can’t quite make out. Doesn’t really matter, though; his hold is warm and familiar and the low vibrations in his chest as he speaks are strangely comforting against the flushed skin of your face.

Maybe it’s the endorphins or the headrush that always follows your scenes with him, but you swear you’ve never felt safer.

The money’s not bad either.

—

nct taglist: @bbdeongi @yabbadabbatuh @fancypeacepersona

requests open.

[nyxtickled]

Did you have to fly on the place with socal again? Was it awkward or were to able to switch seats?

no, we didn’t fly together at all, thankfully. the whole situation left such a shit taste in my mouth tbh and just goes to show how much i was treated like a trophy lee instead of a person.

he asked me if i wanted to go to AUNT with him back in November i think? can’t remember. i said id love to, but not to consider me a guarantee bc the odds of me being able to afford a flight, ticket and room were slim to none. he offered to share a room with me, but didn’t mention the flight or anything (which was completely fine! i did not want him to pay for my fight) and i said that would make it much easier.

then throughout December he started posting things and tagging me on here about how we’re going to be duo lers, offer gang tickles, etc. i was like oooo yikes - bc lots of moots were getting excited about hanging with me there and i was just like, aaaah i hope i can raise enough money! so, after 2-3 of these posts came in from him, i texted him and said look i hate to ask you this but you’ve p much told all of tumblr that im for SURE going to aunt with you and that we’re gonna be a gang tickle duo. if i can’t get the money together in time, are you ok with covering my flight until i can pay you back? and he agreed saying it was no problem whatsoever.

thennnn the fallout happened as shown in the texts from the night my dog got sick. i was so hurt by the whole “one day you’re asking me to borrow money and the next i’m unsafe and terrible” blah blah. i said ok hell no i’m never ever asking you for anything financially ever again, do not even worry about it, i do not need your help, i’ll get my own way there.

then we reconciled after a 2 hour phone call the next day where i just fell for all of the claims that his play partner was psychotic and that i interpreted his context incorrectly and that he didn’t mean any of it the way i took it, yatta yatta.

then everything was somewhat mellowed out. i started trying to actually plan the trip with him, asking him if he’s gotten the room yet, if he’s gotten his own plane ticket yet, etc. he never gave me a straight answer, left me on delivered a bunch, and then eventually just told me he lost his steam for aunt and wasn’t going anymore. so i said damn that sucks, hope you change your mind bc i’m sure it’ll be fun etc.

i think in his mind, if he didn’t go, i wouldn’t be able to go. so when i reached out and connected with my angel love baby girl mik and she offered me the pullout couch in her room, i was elated!!! this meant i would only have to buy the plane ticket and id be squared away!!!

well, guess what happened the moment he found that out?

suddenly there was a mad scramble for him to find a room “for us” since the hotel was already booked out. even tho i’m the one who already made alternative room plans, he asks ME to make a post in the discord and ask people to hmu if someone cancels so he can “get a room for us.” i start getting texts from him telling me i’m his “priority” and that we’re a “package deal,” all the while we haven’t even seen each other in like a month and we barely talk anymore. only hits me up to ask me how many sessions i have planned for aunt, and to ask me if he can use me as an excuse to reject potential lees bc he doesn’t know how to say no on his own. all of a sudden he wants to claim me and say “me and nyx aren’t planning anything til we get there.” like idk it just made me feel so sick and used. bc this energy was nowhere to be found when i was actually trying to plan our trip a month prior and he said he wasn’t even going anymore.

like, idk. all of it honestly made me feel like nothing more than a reputation enhancer once again; he wasn’t interested in showing up in my life for a real dynamic, but he wanted everyone to think we had a real dynamic. he wanted to be able to show up with “nyx from tumblr” at her first ever gathering and pretend we were bffs and ultra close play partners after all the shit he already put me through like it never happened. makes me kinda fucking sick.

so, you know the rest now - i end up talking to adi, i find out all the insane shit that was said about me to her AND the insane shit that was said about her to me being false. i keep my own flight and my separate plans to room with mik, and i tell him that i won’t be playing with him there, but i won’t make things weird for him, i’ll just keep my distance. i traveled alone, landed in Albany alone, made my way to a nail salon alone, and finally met up with my love my angel my baby mik. bing bang boom!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I know you dont talk much about ships or romantic relationships, but about utmv is there a ships or ships that you like? If yes, which ones?

I’ve recently found myself in a period where I don’t care much for romance (or at least, i don’t like when romance or sex is prioritized), but there are a few ships i enjoy or im chill with even if i myself don’t ship them or seek them out.

The most obvious one is Colorkiller, of course. I do love to explore every interpretation and dynamic with them, but I love when they aren’t like, “friends to lovers” but instead friends and lovers.

And I do believe these two could potentially be portrayed as just about anything, and they’re definitely a little fruity even if it’s genuinely platonic—given how it’s kinda implied that killer likes to tease and flirt with color, and other things that color wants to be done only in certain environments and places. (The “omg not here” drawing.)

There’s not much other ship content with Color, but I feel id enjoy exploring or seeing it just about any kind. Such as with Delta, in a poly relationship with Delta and Killer, in a poly with the MTT, etc. maybe I’d even be interested in seeing some type of depiction of colormare or even a poly between color, killer, and nightmare if it’s interesting and compelling.

I’m neutral or apathetic on most other Killer ships, except for a few interpretations of ships that can get annoying. I don’t really ship Killer with most characters, but I can try to get behind a certain interpretation. I’d like to see more HorrorKiller content, if only because there’s so little of it.

The only one’s im ever iffy with shipping him with the apple twins, and sorta with swap—swap because killer has hurt him pretty bad in his own dubiously canon, and I feel that the trauma Killer caused both Swap and Dream should be meaningfully addressed before a relationship even begins.

Swap and Dream don’t deserve to live in fear that their partner would hurt them again. (Or if you’re intending to go with a toxic or abusive dynamic, then to depict it with care.)

I’ve heard of the idea of i think Insomnia? Error x Ink x Dream? Where, for Ink, it’s a QPR—he does not have romantic feelings for either Dream or Error, even if they do have them for him and eachother, and everyone knows and is aware of this and it’s chill. I’m not hugely invested in it, but the idea seemed interesting.

I find Drink, Dreamberry, Stars poly, and Cream a little cute on the surface; but i haven’t really seen much content with these ships or how they’re commonly portrayed to have big feelings or opinions about them.

I think Crepic is cute, and that one ship between them and Killer (especially if colors there too), cute. I’m not a big fan of romantic kross, certainly prefer signanothername’s interpretation of them, but it’s chill.

I find that one potential post talking about killer with fell also very interesting.

And i guess that’s maybe it? I don’t really ship too much. I much prefer either found family, genuine rivals or enemies (no to lovers), platonic friendships and qprs, or even fwbs is interesting, or other things of those nature.

Oh! Also, I feel like Killer’s crush on Toriel as Sans has potential. Even if it was only a crush and they weren’t ever officially together, when and how and why did sans grow a crush on her, and how did it feel when not even her or his own brother could keep sans hoping that things would change or that they could be saved. Did Toriel offer some sort of comfort or solace when he was losing his mind? What was it like to kill her for the first time? Was that the first time he ever actually saw her face, no door between them?

[apolsup]

The super epic polycule cooking

Fhs week day 5

Polyship - Traditional/FolkClothing - Scarring

This started as me joking abt peeling potatoes being the ultimate date idea, I love peeling potatoes so yeah

So basically this is my idea of the different uhh dynamics between each of these guys,

Anyways I'll explain some things bc I've been thinking about this for a while now

I feel like Aiden and Oliver (my Bonnie) were dating for a while now since they've known each other for a long time, Aiden probably confessed first (at like 15) since hes a bit uhhh act first think later. Oliver was like "cool, wanna date then?" And they've been together ever since

Bon is obviously crushing on Oliver, but knows hes dating Aiden, starts hanging out with Freddy (Oliver asked him if it was cool for him to bring him in order to help him out since yknow guitar) and they hit it off, instead of falling into a codependent situationship like my freddon au, they start dating (bc of the little detail of Aiden and Oliver already dating)

So turns out, Aiden and Freddy are kind of developing feelings for each other, Freddy feels SO guilty bc hes crushing on his best friend boyfriend who is also his best friend, he still loves Bon to death but he cant just pick one and forget about the other he just can't. Aiden is having his own internal hell because he loves his boyfriend but yknow why the fuck is he also crushing on his best friend???? But since hes always been honest with Oliver (it took a while to get there) he decides to just tell him. Oliver has never really been someone to care about society's rule, so he's like "ok? Date him then I don't really mind or care dude, it's fine" so now Aiden has to talk to Freddy about this BUT Bon is also in the picture in case he forgot

So Freddy has been feeling awful for days and has no idea how to tell Bon about what the fuck is going on. Aiden decides to talk to him, and is honest, I like you, I still love my boyfriend, I asked him and Oliver said he doesn't mind, but I know about you and jhon- uh Bon, but if hes cool with it id love to take you out on a date or something I don't know...

Freddy of course is feelings #guiltyaf but also relived to know that at least

1. His feelings are not one sided and

2. Oliver is fine with the idea of sharing a partner

Of course hed like to accept but says he needs time to talk to Bon about it but that he also kind of feels some kind of vibe there and leaves, giving him a little bit of hope at least

Now talking to Bon? It was hard, he loves him but knows hes insecure about this topic (love, dating and stuff) so he tries to be as gentle as possible and tells him, I still love you, but ive been developing feelings for Aiden and uhmm recently he told me that hes been crushing on me and already confirmed with Oliver, and hes fine with it so he wants to like uhmm take me out but I didn't want to give him an answer until I talked about this with you and uhhh yeah I think thats all I still love you I promise I just need to know what you think about this

Bon is surprised, stunned, shell shocked even. He takes his time to think and talk to Freddy. Long story short, he accepts but needs a hell of reassurance that everything between them is fine. After this emotional talk, he timidly asks Freddy about Oliver, Freddy is surprised to see that he still has some small bit of hope in there but smiles and squeezes his hand, he tells him that he could give it a shot and hed be completely supportive and help out if he needed it, but he didn't know how or what would Oliver say if he did ask him out

So how do Bon and Aiden start dating? Well since they're metamours they have to at least be neutral to each other, at some point when they are all hanging out Aiden and Bon would have to interact more, turns out Aiden is kinda cool and okay maybe a little cute. Aiden thinks Bon is nice and its fun to watch him get nervous about horror topics, over flirting with Freddy or other things so they like each other at least enough to consider each other a friend. Time passes and turns out they like-like each other, by this moment they're used to the whole 'polyamory' thing and after giving a heads up to their partners (they both knew way before them) they go out together and well now they're dating too! After talking Aiden also hypes Bon up to ask Oliver out, he tells him "look ive seen some sparks between you two especially when you're playing the guitar, I know Oliver and im sure he'll accept!" So he does, and surprise! He accepted yay!!

So Bon and Onni have some story, way before meeting the animatronics he used to hang out with the nightmares (he used to be way edgier than how he was when he met the gang, his teenage angst was perfect for them!) And got along great with Onni since they had the smallest age gap (a year) theres two aus where they have a story, one where they were dating and Bon broke up with him due to changing and leaving the nightmares behind to befriend and form the toys with the girls, so Onni tries to get him back but is ignored. In the other, Onni has a crush on him but Bon rejects him due to his father being, well his father and not providing a safe space for his kid to realize who he is (Bon did return his feelings but got scared and chose to flee and then he meets the girls and forms the toys). The story changes a bit depending on the au, but it has the same general vibe, Bon finds him Onni sad at the library looking at his failed test (Onni got in with a scholarship and his ability with the guitar btw) Bon would usually just leave but the guilt kicks him again right in the ass and decides to walk up to him and ask if he's okay, Onni is still bummed out so he just answers by pointing at his test and the big red "2.0" (nota mínima d acá idk) and sighs. Bon knows this will end up in disaster but still, sits down after saying "I'm so gonna regret this..." And asks him if he could help him out, Onni accepts, turns out no one else wanted to help him because of his reputation.

So they start meeting at the library occasionally to study, and to bons credit Onnis grades seem to get better! They start to get more comfortable around each other and they fall back into a friendship, it's sweet, inside that library they get to joke and talk as if no time had passed, it feels as if they were barely 13 again. Bon apologizes for being a dick (he was kind of an asshole for just leaving and ignoring the nightmares) but also he needs him to apologize to those he hurt, Bon knows about his tendency to steal from Oliver and making fun of him, he can't exactly just ignore that.

So Onni does so, because he did feel at least a little guilty about it, especially more now that he had a more... Morally oriented friend/potential future boyfriend? He goes and apologizes to Oliver (and other people he hurt as well), Oliver obviously, doesn't like him and hits him, hard. Twice. A knuckle sandwich just for you! And leaves, Bon after hearing about this tends to his poor black eye and split lip (damn Oliver you had that talent hidden huh) but also "you have to admit you did have it coming" "yeah, yeah I know"

Of course they can feel the tension, they know that the other feels the same way but they dance around each other for a while before actually confessing (because their friends/partners were so DONE with it they had to force them to do it) and start dating

Aiden and Oliver DO. NOT. like him at all but they tolerate him for Bons sake, he did prove that he can handle him and control his destructive tendencies, so they accept him under the condition that he does not try to interact with them, and everyone is content with that, (also Freddy doesn't particularly care).

Fred is still here, by this time the animatronics all know about him and they like him, they're friends, Bon learnt about him some time after dating Freddy and they're also on friendly terms, they like to sing together whenever Freddy allows him to possess the body for a while. Fred kind of feels some sparks with Bon but he doesn't know how to explore this so hes ignoring this for a while (Bon is kind of unaware but he does kind of feel warm inside whenever they're sitting side by side and brushing knees)

Out of everyone, Fred is closer to Auryn (my golden) because they can relate to feeling trapped in their living situation and not having enough freedom, due to different reasons since one is a ghost with no memories of his life and the other is a repressed guy with a controlling family but they relate to each other a lot. Fred and Auryn have been dancing around each other for a loooong while, the slowest slow burn to ever slow burn. But Freddy has been pushing Fred to ask golden out for a long time. And when he's just about to do it, Auryn beats him to it! Damn it Goulding! (Joy helped) he says yes but they have to be subtle because Auryns family is, as said before, very controlling and if they ever found out about this they could take Auryn back to England (mi golden es British 😱😱) to finish his studies there so yeah, it sucks but it is what it is.

Auryn and Bon are chill around each other, not exactly friends but they like the other. Bon is also on the "im scared of my parental figures control over me haha" club so he and Auryn have at least something in common. They kiiiinda have some sort of attraction but they haven't talked about it yet.

But yeah I think thats all, maybe ill pick this up some other time bc its so fun to think about different aus where the super epic polycule exists but whatever

OHMYGOD this took a long time to write what the fuck anyways byeeeee

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[nudibutch]

long post abt me thinking about my dom likes/dislikes. im musing. i feel like this is needed to get my thoughts straightened out since its been on my mind lately.

things i dont like when domming

- raw power/physically overpowering someone, roughness. for example i don't think i could ever comfortably facefuck someone Hard hard. id be too worried about hurting them and that would be on my mind the entire time. i also dont think physical force is my style. it doesnt really fit my personality

- 100% degradation. same as above. i don't enjoy being mean this way.... it feels bad to me and i would constantly worry they think i mean it

- certain power dynamics. i dont like the idea of someone subbing to me because im stronger than them, know more than them, better than them, have a position of power over them (eg prof/student rp)...

- making decisions for my partner. in general i don't think im looking for "no thoughts head empty" in this way.

- brats. i just really dont like the dynamic. a lot of the ways brats want to be dommed falls under rougher/harsher tactics and it more often than not annoys and frustrates me because it feels like im fighting someone when im just trying to cooperate. a GOOD brat dynamic requires a LOT of communication and even then i can only try and "tame" the brat (whatever its called) for so long.

- cnc. this is a super hard gray area to navigate between overstim/free use, which i can be into, but requires a LOT of communication and i would not just do it with anyone right off the bat. i still had hesitations doing this with partners i knew very well.

things i DO like when domming/the idea of when domming

- bondage. i like the look, and i like the physical helplessness it creates for a sub. i like honing sensation and this is definitely one of the ways to do it.

- experimentation/exploration. not in the literal sense - everything should always be discussed beforehand - but i like slow toying/appreciation. i dont like rushing to a destination and i think this comes out a lot with teasing.

- certain power dynamics. unlike the ones i listed before i REALLY like the idea of power in the sense of, "i safely led this person to this state of mind" and also "i can safely lead them to the kind of experience i want them to have".

- exhibition. i LOVE taking pictures, videos, etc. i like posting certain things. i really like the idea of tying up/teasing/and/or fingering a sub in front of a small audience. i like the idea of showing off not only how well i can make this person fall apart, but also how pretty they are when they do.

things i find interesting reflecting on my past dominant experiences:

- i almost never ask for the things i like when domming, and i almost never make a decision when it comes to any sexual act. i always ask, "how do you want to be fucked" and never really say, "im gonna fuck you." i think this is kind of because of my aversion to "things i don't like" #1/#3/#4. no matter how many times a sub says "i want you to do whatever you want to me", or "just fuck me", i dont really adhere to that and i dont trust it. that might be because of bad past experiences with subs without specific constraints. it might be because its undefined cnc to me, and im really worried about doing something a sub doesnt want after they say, "fuck me however you want." thats almost definitely residual from subs with shit communication skills. more on that below.

- that being said, i think there probably exists a sweet spot in the above bullet point. i SHOULD, theoretically, be doing a little more of what i like and want, as a dom, and not just exist as a 2-dimensional service top. this isnt to say that i havent enjoyed past domming experiences - i really have. but looking back, i think ive spent a disproportionate amount of time asking subs what they want and like, and less time talking about what i like. this is partly because no one really asks, and this is partly because im historically bad at speaking up. if something is Working Just Fine, im not inclined to change it - partly because im afraid of the rejection of my desires if i DO speak up (ie, they arent worth anything, which gets back to a core belief ive been addressing in therapy, etc.). this has definitely happened in the past where i try to bring up certain things and a sub expresses obvious disdain, and i backpedal it hard to assure them its not a big deal and to just forget about it. thats almost definitely a result of domming subs with poor communication/sense of self issues, and certainly not my fault, but i need to get better about vetting people that will respond maturely in a discussion about desires/kinks/etc. my dom dynamic and style is fine, but seems incredibly passive when i think about it, and it shouldnt be like that. it should be a two way street, and my partner SHOULD be expressing curiosity and excitement about learning what im into.

- a personal priority of mine is figuring out what my needs are for dom aftercare. i spend a lot of time making sure a sub is okay after, and that in and of itself can SOMETIMES be "aftercare" for me - i get to check in with them, make sure they enjoyed what happened, and that reassures me what i did was okay, too. but outside of that i dont have a clear idea. i think subs asking or offering specific things helps a lot. cuddling is important. if someone just up and leaves or is like "alright lets go out" after sex i really dont do well with the transition. i need to speak up more about this, but also i need to prioritize finding people who just know to ask or check in.

[fagdykemuppet]

HI my silly ass has been meaning to follow you back!!! tell me about your duck opinions if you please... 🎤

SMILE HIII WELCOME TO MY BLOG oh god okay its been years since i watched it and i just got a resurgence of interest in it so like. a lot of these thoughts are dusty and covered in cobwebs

THIS BEING SAID!! starters i think della is just. a really good and tragic character. i had a dream the other night i cried over her. and i was right. shes also cute. donald your sister is cute. ummm the finale... i have weird feelings about it but most of them are it was good for what they had to work with and fuck disney for canceling it. we could have had so much more may and june scrooge is trans. theres no way around it. and/or intersex. why are your clones girls. goldie is my mom. i have a weird taste of characters that i attach to familially. looks at fitzgerald bsd. ummm gyro is also trans and or intersex. theres no way. i als oused to kin him as an edgy teenager. SPEAKING OF GYRO i have a gyro playlist and it was the first playlist i ever made on spotify and im super proud of it and i need to transfer it to youtube bc i dont use spotify anymore i am a fenro warrior i think their dynamic is interesting but i also dont think that the hate for fendra is justified. gandra get behind me. i support you and your lame little boyfriend i mean it. i remember when poe de spell was announced and the minor apocalypse that happened. everyone wanted him. you could not escape him. I MISS PHANTOM BLOT AND PEPPER I WISH WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF THEM im mostly sad that it ended bc we could have gotten so many more duckverse references. could you imagine a paperinik reference. should have said this earlier but duckverse and the muppets r like. the only two disney properties i care about anymore. and fuck disney transfem huey is good. i like it. donald has too many partners hes too powerful he must be stopped. ummm to end this thought dump: i used to use a s/i that followed goldie around like a lost dog and it used to be a crow but if i were to remake it id make it a dogie. also i was the anon that was like. youre transporting me back to highschool LMAO

[liquorisce]

here’s wishing everyone a very happy 2025!

the new year ‘festival’ is always my favourite. it’s the only festival where i am truly intentional about spending it with the people in my life that i love the most, and consider the things i am grateful for and hopeful for in the future.

fandom related: i’m very grateful that in 2024, i got to realise my long-time dream of producing an eremika zine, i wrote a fic that i’d been dreaming about for three years (priest au), boy next door is finally teaching me how to write in a style that i genuinely like. i also watched monster (anime) and arcane - two shows that lit my brain on fire. i am also proud of myself for stepping away from the internet in a very healthy way. i sometimes find myself missing the interaction and fun i had with anons, or other friends in fandom, but i have also recognised that there are quite some parts of the fandom experience that i don’t do very well, so limited exposure is the way to go for me (and my sanity).

in 2025, i want to finish bnd and idily and maybe a secret third one that i dont want to reveal but will hopefully be a pleasant surprise for my readers. i am really grateful that i am still interested in those fics, and its rare to sustain interest for that long so im happy! i also want to write for new ships and dynamics, and participate in zine projects.

on a personal note: i became a pet mom for the first time ever and it was life changing. i experienced the kind of love id never even imagined before. unfortunately i had to give away my angel bc my husband was severely allergic, and there is a hole in my heart in my darling’s shape, but i am grateful for a partner who tried his level best to overcome his discomfort to make me happy. i finally accepted my adhd diagnosis and started medication and learnt so much more about myself and how to accept all the quirks that make me me. this year i suffered a burnout and went through several months of tears and pain but in the end i came out of it by believing in myself, and believing the belief my loved ones had in me when my own wasn’t enough.

in 2025, i hope to spend more time doing things i love, to be more active, to feel less guilt about doing things for myself, to take rest unapologetically, to make space for myself to make mistakes and give myself a hug for moving on from them. i want to read more, study more and participate in society more, and hopefully start community initiatives that i’ve been thinking of for a long time.

and the most important thing: i want to keep looking forward with hope and backward with fondness.

cheers!

[thedoover-if]

THE EX ROUTE IS GOING TO KILL ME, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US😭😭

IM SORRY😭 to be fair id never forgive cheating but in games i usually always let it slide so i really wanted to have a ro where it feels very vulnerable to not only move on but also allow oneself to fall in love AGAIN... i think itll be a very interesting dynamic to explore (and i love drama LOL love when authors rip my heart to shreds and then stomp on the pieces too)

fyi youll be able to be hesitant, fearful or whatever OR you can cheat with them, not caring for their current partner and be like rory from gilmore girls where she's like "dean was mine first" (iykyk!!!!)

added a little snippet of a potential scene ive got planned with MC on 'the ex' ro route. call it a little taster LOL (under the cut)

(fyi its from the pov of an MC who still involuntarily feels something for the ex)

“don’t do that,” you spit, gaze slowly travelling down your ex-spouse’s frame. they’re seated on the opposite side of the living room, on the same exact sofa they used to occupy – be it during game nights, movie nights, or simply weekends spent quietly enjoying each other’s company. it felt like the perfect fit. they were the unique key to your lock. the gentle notes on your sometimes out of pitch days… until the music abruptly came to a halt, never to be played again. and ever since that day, three years ago, your life has been muted – dulled even. “do what?” they tilt their face up, and for a moment you’re transferred back in time. but you snap yourself out of it just as quickly; you refuse to go down that path again. although you’re stood a few metres away, you’re able to make out a shapely outline – it's you – on the otherwise empty page of the sketchbook propped on their lap. “you’re drawing me – I don’t want you to draw me.” “why can’t I? you look beautiful.” the stupidly crooked smile creeping upon their features is like a stab to the heart, and those last three words shove the knife straight through your body. just like that, your lungs implode – you’re in too deep. a tsunami of emotions rips open every old wound you nurtured close so carefully over the past months. the hours spent in therapy, flushed down the drain by a sweet compliment. soured by the wrong person. “because that’s what you did when you were with them. when I see you doing this, it makes me think about every night you lied.” your throat grows tight, your vision blurs, and yet you continue, “every night you spent with [redacted] while I was right here… waiting.” for seemingly the first time, you notice sun rays peeking through your beige curtains. it’s almost like the sun has sensed the devastation ongoing in the pit of your stomach, and so with each passing second of your skin soaking up the warm orange beams, the grey clouds inside your head clear more and more. it takes one large breath to relax the tightness of your vocal cords, before you’re able to force a sound out. “you really hurt me [redacted]…” as soon as a look of regret takes over [redacted]’s otherwise painfully gorgeous face, a small flame of hope lights up in your body – one you didn’t grant permission. it’s soothing… and familiar, yet you starve that spark and let it die. “you drawing me like that – it hurts because you know I’ll like it… and that’s not fair, [redacted]” you whisper, before standing tall, a surge of determination coursing through your veins, “I’m not going to let you do this to me again.”

[moodymeangirl]

my initial notes reading Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca:

above: the first time i was moved to notate the text, abt three quarters thru. it's the moment i knew it was over; both women were committed to their doom. the horror elements were just (excellent) dressing in this one. it was about being lonely and misunderstanding love and other things. the most intense emotion i felt was a sadness, an acceptance of the inevitability of tragedy. what idealised at this moment was that both Agnes and Zoe (tho perhaps against her better judgement in Zoe's case) are committed to the pursuit of certainty, and relief from unknowing, thru the guise of having someone to save and make you (Agnes) or having someone to abuse and play with (Zoe). despite the abuseivness of this dynamic, at this moment they are both locked in to the pursuit of each other's respite from that 'agony'.

spoilers below

above: i scribbled some alternate titles for my future remembrance. fuck! the language of this story is rubbing off on me.

i think LaRocca is playing with questions of inevitable doom and possibly even with the meaning of murderous intent (to me this is secondary tho, it's not rly about guilt/innocence).

Agnes is posited as falling towards an inevitable death. Despite being the submissive partner she, moreso than Zoe and in far more fascinated detail, describes a life filled - to her perception - with occurrences of cruelty, death, and near death. Like the rotten meat she will later 'impregnate' herself with, agony is a furry and rotten constancy in the rhythms of her life.

And yet, personally I don't think her experiences nor her outlook were that unusual. Even speaking as someone who believes in predestination and the powers of fate (Alhamdulillah), I don't think she needed to die and I think LaRocca intended us to feel that.

I think she had a irrevocable desire to be changed. Such that she broke all her own boundaries for Zoe, repeatedly, and when she felt unsure and attempted to leave - spent her time away convincing herself of the changes necessary to no longer be herself. This is hinted at, and seized upon by a manipulative Zoe, in the very first chapters.

I think this whodunit vibe is a red herring, my deepest questions are about the world. Zoe certainly wanted to harm Agnes and possibly communicated with her solely for this purpose, if we take the idea that Zoe foresaw a fatal use of the apple peeler from the very start. That she chose Agnes when this fantasy occurred? Yes. But I think the text the does not imply that her childish, abusive desires remain the same throughout. I think LaRocca tells us about two people who have, by virtue of their intersections in cold cold world, sought their own destruction, sought irrevocable change - but not understood what any of this really entails.

Zoe is a frightfully innocent character, Agnes less so. I do wonder if LaRocca is implying, via Zoe's singular monologue / dream sequence, that Zoe herself is seriously ill in some way. Some way which isolates her, stops her from being able to take responsibility first for their prospective child and then for their actual 'child', and the end to which it dooms Agnes. I wonder if she is afraid to meet Agnes because of this, i wonder if this is the thing which keeps Zoe from committing emotionally; a deep hidden fear of not being enough, not being able to provide - while fantasising it incessantly, as if roleplaying caring for herself in the ways she can't.

Altho. Maybe not. There's way more of Anges on the page, so I'm less tempted to project on her. Grain of salt on that idea because I'm projecting from my own experiences onto Zoe, and shes also not rly the kind of character id want to relate to from that base of chronic illness and disability. Lets leave that as, I wonder if...

Anyway, I don't think she ever loved Agnes, but I do think Agnes's particular tone of desperation compelled her in a way she didn't expect. I do think it rang true in her, and she felt some comraderie with her and even attempted to do good, but became scared and abruptly ended things (a pattern, if you recall the other gf mentioned briefly).

She only said 'I love you' as a full phrase, when she was selling Agnes an idea. Otherwise it was a comfortable 'love you, bye' sort of vibe. This also shows in her language ie sponsor and drudge. Language I haven't researched but which rings a bell ie personal autonomy/early capitalism/menial work. I might be wrong but I think 'drudge' may have some kind of history ie asylums. She is re-locating herself from Zoe The Generous, to Zoe The Dangerous Attraction, to Zoe the Human. at this final turn, Agnes is allowed to leave humanness, and become a thing, The Drudge.

As I write, im identifying that beyond Agnes's clear, unfortunate (and perhaps deliberate) misunderstanding of what love can give her, of what it can fix: Zoe is even more innocent. Zoe doesn't realise how unserious she is in her desires, she has masked her insecurity and her lack of knowledge inside her desire for a 'slave', and presents an offer of certainty to Agnes which she knows is a manipulation, but which she has no idea couldn't possibly be true, even if she meant it as deeply as she claims. I feel Agnes worries it's not possible to be true, but brushes her fears away, in her desperation to be Zoe's person. They're not comparable actions, ftr, Agnes is dismissing a couple red flags meanwhile Zoe is outright manipulating her, and disguising bad intentions; operating from a place of unchecked insecurity.

Fundamentally, both characters operate as children, which I think is LaRocca commenting on the vulneribility that lonely gay women often have to the world. Its not that this infatilisation is true, or fair. Its that the world puts lesbians into that box and locks us in. Every other character in this novella besides our doomed dykes, including 'Little Christ' and Anges's 'baby' are symbolically knowledgeable creatures. Just as children love one another but struggle with and learn object permanence, so too do Anges and Zoe. There is a very realistic and unjust sadness in every moment of the book. Everything and everyone belongs to a cold and lifeless world except for the two protagonists, and it is only through their simeltaneous refusal of and attempts at gaining and regaining their freedom that they feel anything resembling hope, life, or love. But in doing so they arrive in front of each other with built in barbs and sharps and spikes, many of which they are not aware they possess. Neither of them know how to love and the attempt will kill Agnes. None of this absolves Zoe her abuses btw. All this is the case, and she is a relatively privileged adult making her own choices, largely out 'selfishness' and fun. She possesses an autonomy she is unwilling to admit, as does Agnes but at least she manifests it into devotion (still unhealthy) where Zoe chooses uncaring cruelties. This I think contributes to her shock when Agnes really means it, and Zoe is forced to grapple with the weight of her actions and words. It's at this point she disappears from the text and from Agnes, at last openly ruled by what has been her dominant emotional state this entire time: insecurity.

To me, this is story about queerness. About being alone. I found all of Agnes's and Zoe's mental issues blandly relatable. What I haven't experienced personally I have tried to love out of other queers. It sort of reminds me of Coetzee's Disgrace in the way LaRocca refuses to lift our belief in and our being in the worst of all possible worlds. There wouldn't be a justification of that, because the author's attitude is that this is The World. That lonely girls snuff each other out all the time. That it feels different, and better, than when the world does it for us. That the inevitability wasn't their partnership, but their environment. That suffering had found each of them already, that it had burrowed inside them and began to kill them already. That it is all they knew. It's a portrait of a time mere moments before the internet would breath air into the queer community, and still a portrait of today's world. LaRocca is saying 'We have all always been half way through suffocating. Everything has changed, they didn't need to be destroyed. Nothing has changed, they would have been destroyed regardless. Every dead gay girl is you and every living gay girl is you.'

This story is an unrelenting sad song, a breath of fresh air, a horrible experience of mental illness, and an optimistic lesbian romance.

Don't misunderstand me, Zoe abused Agnes unrepentantly. I don't encourage or glorify that. Even speaking a domme who loves a lil 'consensual domestic abuse' dynamic, here and there. I'm not speaking for the romance in this book, I'm saying that it is an accurate portrayal of what the horrors are for lesbians in this world. What it has been and what it is. You try things. You meet other dykes. You love them. You fail to love them. You cum with them. You damn near kill yourself for them, because you won't ever give yourself to your prison, and it's all you've ever wanted to give yourself to someone (both Agnes and Zoe want this). Sometimes you allow your prison to guard you sometimes you fight it. Solely and collectively. But sometimes and many times gay girls are swallowed fucking whole by it. Mostly, this world eats us. It takes us and leaves a great big pile of nothing where we were. Zoe was already largely a void by the time she met Agnes. She didn't think she was, but she was. Meanwhile Agnes, thought she was - butbshe wasn't. And all these things, could be different, and not defining factors of death vs life, if not for the conditions. This story lives (barely), and under the patriarchy we do. If not for that, it would not be so so close to death. It is a world which suffocates girls which creates A Zoe, and creates an Agnes. And while I'm sure this type of thing would occur occasionally outside of patriarchy too, that fact that I wept quietly from recognition and felt what it is to try and love yourself and others out of the chokehold the world has on you, as a lesbian woman. How common and how usual and how touched by it we all are, that would be removed if not for the cold, cold world we as readers share with the girls of this book.

The optimism and the romance is this:

Agnes needn't have died. Zoe needn't have tried to destroy her. There are a myriad irl timelines in the world of the book, and the world of the world, where girls exactly like both of them break free. Not from the uncertainty, but the doom. Not from the environment of patriarchy, but the loneliness. LaRocca is elegiac. They ask us - quietly and politely - to remember that we keep trying. Not because the attempt is harmless, it could be all be as bleak as this. But because the attempt is the attempt.

It is a little, tear jerking, reminder the nature of reality is infinite. That we painstakingly shuffle forwards as much for the dead as the living.

ps. I will not look back on Zoe fondly, even tho I feel for her in some ways. I can't quite sympathise w her. Not because of the abuse in and of itself but rly because she's a bad, incompetent domme who prioritised her own reckless choices over Agnes's wellbeing, knowing she had been actively suicidal right from the start. This doesn't make her a murderer, necessarily but it does make her a piece of shit. bad dommes i hate u sm.

pps. and I will hold Agnes in my heart. she's not perfect or anything, she just didn't deserve it. no one deserves it.

above: my favourite line.

below: my favourite page:

.

[tenderperversion-moved]

good morning. 😁👍 yesterday i pulled a nonbinary transfem on my dating app and we immediately just started discussing our kinks no more small talk thank god but also they are CONSTANTLY online and keep sending me femdom anime porn all day ... and like i know its not that deep but i told them im a sub and that i also love with bumping purses cozy style but its always femdom with them im lowkey beginning to feel sort of disrespected its like im being forcedommed. girl youre not gonna turn me stop it! do you even care that im getting nothing from this. its making me reevaluate my own pillow princess personality like idk i dont ever want to make my partner feel like this ... id rather have no power dynamic gentle sex all my life than to force someone into the position of my breeding bull im serious it just feels so awful.

[elisedonut]

Piggybacking off all the omegaverse asks you've gotten recently, do you have any favorite scenarios or tropes with it? Or any ships or dynamics you really like in omegaverse aus?

👀

Hello I know I do seem to be getting quite a few lately and im not complaining about it very fun though i do worry im running out of things to say dkjaflksfj

For me at least I like Omega verse for alot of the same reasons i like soulmate aus but like different

so like the appeal of being able to smash characters together and go there ok now kiss!

One of my favorite concepts atm is like forced mating

i don't (unless its more fun for the scenario) tend to go for the whole one partner ever method much but i do like the idea that a mating bite still does something like it still takes a while to heal (months at least) and can affect your brain at least a little bit

Like they'll feel distressed when apart, get more agitated about other people they disapprove of being too close, lots of feeling like they need to keep the others scent on their skin

type of thing

and then depending on the scenario it is also fun when it's a really dramatic one and done thing where this action by a third party just completely fucked their life plans up a bit

like with soulmate aus I don't understand at all why Marriage would even be a thing that works how it does irl especially in worlds mating bites are a perm thing

idk my biggest omegaverse pet peeve is when it may as well just be two normal people and nothing about the situation is different

like I've said before that its a very dubcon type of trope and i think it honestly should be like your body is acting in ways you don't necessarily want and all you can do is hope the people around you have better control of themselves then you do in that moment

taking that away from it just always kind of makes me like yeah yeah sure

like i get it you don't want to deal with the more icky aspects of it so you make the heat subdue, you make it have no noticeable effect on those around them, you make the Alpha always strong enough to fight themself enough to say no. To fight back because they would never want to hurt them

but like idk i think i just don't see the point personally

like i think it can be done well when its very clear just how hard the alpha in question is fighting but a lot of the ones like this I've seen just kinda missed the mark to me

and Ofc everyone should always write things how ever they want but thats just my thoughts on it

that's also why I prefer worlds that include both Omegas having heats AND Alphas having ruts and think its the most fun when both sides have it equally as bad even if it's in like different ways

I also really like the concept of how good someone smells to you being like a sign of your compatibility

Im trying to think of new ones because I know ive answered a similar thing recently

oh I know i keep mentioning breastfeeding but im going to do it again because i read one fic in different fandom where it was a big part of the plot and im kind of !!! about it

I think Percy should feed Harry. Again not as a sexual thing

Maybe a few years post war it could turn sexual but it doesn't like have to but you know i still love situations and relationships that were meant to be platonic that get twisted as time goes on so like id be ok with it if it did

i just think it would be fun and it would be good for Harry give the boy some motherly styled affection that he was denied so much he deserves it ( i think this concept works well with any Harry ship where the other person could be an omega tbh i'm just Percy centric so)

like i want him to be making "I want to feed" noises during that first summer at the burrow even though at his age he really shouldn't be doing that as much and he doesn't even know why he's doing it or what it means while Percy's sitting there almost panicked over a cub in distress it's because hes malnourished

meanwhile Molly's just like "Oh would you please just feed the poor dear" she feels so bad for him but as a beta who's youngest child is already weaned she's past her feeding stage or she would just do it herself

I know pup is more common in omegaverse stuff when talking like kids that haven't presented yet but i like cub a lot too i think its cuter then pup tbh but i do switch back and forth alot

let's see

Oh! there is one concept iv'e thought about a few times that actually would need Percy to be an Alpha

(or just a non Omegaverse fic with a pregnancy potion which is actually the way i do typically think about it but im running out of things to say and it technically can fit an Omegaverse au so im using it)

where as another way to fuck with Lucius/ punish the Malfoy's for Lucius' fuck up more someone higher in Voldemort's circles (normally Bellatrix in my head because that helps it make sense in my head like yeah shes doing this for that reason but the idea can from a talk with Narcissa about grandchildren so in her crazy way she's like 'it's a perfect opportunity') decides to get Draco knocked up by someone who's undesirable enough to be a problem/disgraceful but not enough where it really 'ruins the pure blood ness' of the child

the kid would never be an actual Malfoy heir but that wasn't the point in the first place kinda thing a living reminder of sorts

so in other words a blood traitor because ive said before but i don't see how being a blood traitor would matter that much its still a pure blood and if said parent were to never be allowed to help raise said child then it really doesn't even matter and Lucius would be pissed and Draco would be a little disgusted so it's perfect

so yeah in an Omegaverse scenario i guess they would just lock them in the same room together and see if it works with plans to kill Percy after it does

but in the main way i think about it Bella forces him to drink the potion (which both parties have to drink) and Imperios him to go to Percy where ever he may be(because i flip flop on where actually this happens) and seduce him(and make him drink his half of the potion) and then they do bang but Draco is able to warn him of what's happening so they actually get to escape and in my head at least Percy panics and contacts Charlie so the end up going to Romania because since in the haze of the potion effecting him and Draco warning him without thinking he would actually do anything they are rightfully assuming the DE's will probably try to kill Draco if he went back so he can't which i imagine would be a bit more difficult in a heat based scenario

but!

you can play with the idea of like true mates in a heat based scenario where that luck of being true mates kept Percy from being killed because Bellatrix wouldnt want her nephew to like outright die (which we are going to say is what would happen)

but now instead he's practically a prisoner so still in a bad situation

another concept i used to think about alot is an asshole teacher holding an Alpha's face up against a very near/ currently in heat Percy's neck in this scenario mating bites are one and done thing though so if said Alpha breaks they will be tied together forever

normally its Snape but it's been Remus or Lockhart a few times in my head too though never did anything with it because while i really like the concept it doesn't fit any of the available characters very well and feels kind of ooc without figuring out their motivations (well i mean ig Lockhart could just a voyeur now that i think about it, the best i could come up with for Remus was knowing he was Percy's like true mate and he's trying to run by practically pushing Percy into someone else's arms, Snape just being a bitch though idk his motives are they pissed him off idk)

to me like i think the best teacher for it would be actually Barty as Moody i don't even think it would need an explanation tbh just ah yeah he would.

but that doesn't work as well with Percy because i can't see him being around the school after graduating when his heats about to hit i mean unless it was all planned ig Barty jr. could plan that sort of thing I've made him plan worse things regarding Percy in my head so i think it could work but even then its a wobbly maybe like a heat accelerant where Percy though he was in the clear for a good few weeks just to be hit with 'oh no-'

who would the alpha be idk its normally someone strong enough to carry him though because they're trying to get him to one of the emergency heat room before he gets swarmed or something

so probably a quidditch player or something

uhh

Ok i think I've taken long enough to answer this so there you go!

[obscureshipsandchips]

Here’s my ao3!

List of works below :)

Please be patient with any late works, I have two full time jobs, am a full time uni student in accelerated classes, and have a long-term partner❤️

Series

Friendly Dynamics (oneshot series written based on tiktoks.) Last Added To: November 15 2023

The Moment (sirius realizes he loves remus)

Shimmy Shimmy Tears (sirius is good at crying to get out of trouble)

Stoned (perks of being a wallflower au where Sirius says how Reggie died to Lily)

Corner Store (nathaniel meets andrew at a corner store in the night, but nathaniel kept popping up and now hes interested. Raven Neil) Last Update: December 26 2023

Marauders And The Olympians (marauders PJO AU where Sirius is Percy Jackson and the marauders have to stop Kronos) Update: idk

I Know You Don’t Want To Hear This (bipolar Sirius au, made off of a TikTok I saw, and it’s accidentally shameless s5 au. Wolfstar and Jily. Sirius has bipolar and has to heal)

Oneshots

Hurt/Comfort

Felt Like Home (Remus sees marauders after death)

Who (James sees Lily hurt and asks who did it)

Potentially to be made into more chapters of other ships doing this

Invisible (andrew’s in a dream under his bed at cass’s and his dream neil comes and saves him)

What Did I Do Wrong This Time (sirius gets an angry letter from his parents and remus comforts him)

What The Past Leaves Behind (neil has a nightmare and andrew comforts him on the roof)

Comedy

Better Luck Next Time (Neil and Andrew are Pro, Andrew doesn’t ever let neil make a goal)

Taller Sons (andrew is a Dad ™ and lectures his son on laughing at harassment jokes)

Potentially to be given a follow up chapter

Camping (Draco and Harry are camping)

Hospitals and Anesthesia (neil hurts his ankle and needs surgery, so he gets put under anesthetic)

Angst

That’s Enough (kevin interevenes when riko doesnt stop)

I Always Thought Id Be The One To Die Alone (after seth dies Neil is on the porch and andrew joins him for a talk)

When the Sun Wakes Up (baby harry is taken to his aunts and wants his pa’foo. Baby harry pov)

It Wasn’t Enough To Save Him (alternate ending where harry doesnt make it and draco loses his shit)

Where’s Josten (when neil goes missing because he was kidnapped, andrew loses his shit)

Fluff

Speaking French (sirius fakes not knowing french, then when he reveals he does he confesses his love to remus)

[seoulxsinners]

A-Z (for Minjun, because Xuan is very curious)

"I hate it here" Minjun mutter. "here we go"

A - Affection: How affectionate are they during sex? Is it different with people they're romantically involved with? Can they sleep with people they aren't?

"Im very affectionate and I have to be romanticaly involved with someone before i think of sleeping with them. I didn't even sleep with my first boyfriend before we broke up"

B - Body: Are they into a specific physique? Why or why not? Are they just preferences or complete turn offs?

"Not really I care more about what is on the inside. I mean i do like someone taller than me but they dont have to be"

C - Chatter: Do they like to talk during the act? If so what do they like to talk about? Is it just dirty talk or something different?

"No no talking that is just odd dont you think?"

D - Dominance: Are they into those types of power dynamics? Or do they like to stick to whose topping and bottoming? If they are into it why? If they aren't why not?

"Im more a submissive i think i was told. but im not sure"

E - Erotica: Do they read or watch it? Does it get them in the mood? Do they create it themselves?

"Umm i read it sometimes. One of my friends likes to send me stories he finds on the internet. a few have gotten me in the mood i suppose. I could never create any my self tho"

F - Food: Do they believe certain foods can be aphrodisiacs? If so what foods are like that for them? Do they like using food in the bedroom or is it too messy?

"Yes i love Xuan's food and it can be an aphrodisiac. but keep the food out of the bed room please. I dont like crumbs in my bed"

G - Group sex: Have they ever tried it? Would they ever want to try it if they haven't? If they don't enjoy it why not?

"NO no and no"

H - Humiliation: Are they into it? Why or why not? How far will they go? Do they enjoy being de-humanized or is it more being made fun of?

"I dont think that is my cup of tea"

I - Intensity: Do they like intense scenes? Or are they more a slow and take their time kind of person?

"Id rather take it slow"

J - Jousting: Do they like having more than one object or person inside of them? If so do they prefer toys or just multiple partners? Are they curious about it?

"Umm never thought of it really. but i dont think i would ever want more than one partner"

K - Kiss and Tell: Do they talk about their sex life to others? If they do do they go into detail or are they more casual about it? Do they share photos with other people or are those private?

"Hahah no. its my sex life and no one needs to know"

L - Licking: Do they enjoy using their tongue on their partners or is it too gross? If so what are their favorite places to use their tongue?

"Yes i like to use my tounge. and i suppose the ear and neck"

M - Masturbation: Is it a part of sex for your muse? Or is it something completely different? Do they enjoy watching their partner or being watched?

"Umm i never though of watching my partner masturbate and as for part of sex i suppose yes it is. "

N - Nope: Do they enjoy orgasm denial or do they want to see how many times they can make their partner cum? Somewhere in-between?

"No i dont like orgasam denial or counting anything in sex really."

O - Open: Do they enjoy having things in their mouth? If so what are their favorite oral fixations? (fingers, toys, giving oral, etc.)

"yes i have blow job fantsies so i suppose i enjoy things in my mouth"

P - Preference: Does size really matter to your muse? Whether it be for others or toys in general. Do they have a favorite type of toy they like to use? If so is it the same to use on other people?

"No size doesn't matter. i mean if its too big I suppose its uncomfortable"

Q - Quiet: Do they enjoy trying to see how long their partner can last without making a sound? Do they enjoy loud or quiet partners?

"if i can make my partner make a sound i do enjoy it. Whether they are loud or not doesn't matter.

R - Risk: Are they into some risky kinks? (breath play, exhibitionism, blood play, etc.) If so what are their favorites? Do they practice them safely?

"risky kinks? not really but the thought of having sex and getting caught is kind of a turn on"

S - Suspension: Are they into being suspended like on a swing or during rope play? Or if not, what's the highest place they've ever had sex?

"No ropes no suspension please"

T - TMI: Your opportunity to talk about any dirty thing you want to talk about with your muse. Could be kinks they like or just facts.

"Hmm i dont know what to say her. I feel like i have shared too much information already"

U - Underwear: Do they enjoy lingerie or dressing up for their partner? Or is it too much of a hassle? Favorite garments to wear? Do they ever go without underwear?

"I very much would dress up for my partner. If xuan wanted to see me in a maid out fit i would"

V - Violation: Are there any kinks your muse flat out won't do or even people they know? Are bringing them up enough to turn your muse away from a potential partner for good? Any pet names get them like that?

"plese dont ever call me sweety"

W - Water: Do they enjoy shower sex or anywhere else that's wet like a pool or hot tub? Is it too awkward?

"Never had it so I'm not sure. I'll get back to you on that"

X - X Ray: What's going on under your muse's clothes? Do they have any special scars or places they like to be touched or avoided? Describe their physique and anything else you'd like to expand on.

"I have a tattoon on my hip it matches my brother's. I like it to be kissed"

Y - Yes: Do they have any specific turn ons? Things that will automatically make your muse say yes to sleeping with someone else. If not what are some other things that get them in a more romantic mood? Lighting? Dinner?

"Take me out of grand romantic dinner and Im probably yours that is if we have been dating long enough"

Z - Zones: Favorite places they like to be touched? Are some less obvious than others? Any places they absolutely hate being touched?

"Hmm my hips. my thighs. oh and my ears or sensitive"

"Is it done am i done? im done"

@phoenix-of-jade

[malka-lisitsa]

What about your muse are you most proud of?

♡ Munday Meme ♡

Oh god, every part?

Honestly Im really proud of my many reputations, its always fascinating to me what people think they know verses what the reality is and how well they pay attention to details right in front of their faces. Which doesn't sound like a thing im proud of about my muse but it IS bc its a very Katherine thing ehehe-

But past that Id say I am probably most proud of the complexities i fold into her. Giving her all the depth she deserved in the show. Taking all of her over looked traits and undersold strengths and giving them a chance to be seen in a natural setting.

Katherine was sold as this manipulative villain and she's not at all a villain. Katherine is a chaotic neutral anti-hero, and one of the MOST LOVING characters in the whole series. Being able to show and highlight all the parts of her that get tossed to the side bc people want to automatically view her as a bad guy without ever understanding why she's not.

As i mentioned above, all the reputations and hardly anyone paying attention to the truth.

I've had a lot of really good threads that have given me a chance to explore and develop relationships we didnt really get to see in the show, parts of Katherine she didn't get to see in herself.

Shout out specifically to @touchedbydestiny and her Nadia for some of my most heavily emotional threads and also some of the most snarky. Your Nadia definitely keeps Katherine on her toes and I love that.

@hybrid-royalty-main and your gaggle of boys have given me some very chaotic and emotional interactions and I cant even begin to tell you how important they all are. Especially red string.

@sonofmikael Your writing has given me such an amazing chance to explore the kathlijah relationship in ways i didnt even know i needed.

@baby-royalty for giving Katherine another shot at being a terrible mother, she tries tho. Oh GOD does she try. @unbearablyindifferent and @tobeblamed you guys gave me such an fantastic little verse to explore her earning redemption to some of the most tired and jaded little babies... I cant tell you how much i love their relationship dynamics..

And all of my other writing partners each one of you has given me the opportunity to write Katherine in so many different situations and all of them are special to me. <3