#then we stopped having cable after like season 3 so I could no longer watch it

[ghost-canary]

Uhhhh I feel this speaks for itself. Sorry?

[jerrienelock]

Without You - Sadie Sink

Takes place after the filming of Stranger Things Season 3

Exhausted.

Sadie is exhausted from all her sleepless nights. The sleep she longs for, no longer around, not since you left. She misses your presence, your hugs, your delicate words, your gentle touches. She just wants to be in your arms relishing in your radiant warmth, feeling your loving kisses to the back of her head.

She just wishes you had told her how you were feeling before that fateful day happened.

Splashes of water coat her face, trying to wake herself up, and cleanse her mind of you so she is prepared for her first interview since you left. Sadie shuts the water off, her hands now firmly on the sink. Her gaze locks with her reflection. Her once smooth skin, disturbed with protruding deep purple bags under her broken teal eyes. Her lips automatically dropping into a deep miserable frown, she finds no need for her mouth to break away from that position for it was practically engraved into her skin.

But soon she will have to tear it out and upturn the frown in a mask of joy and perfection. She doesn't want to do that, she just wants to go home and cry into one of your hoodies and not come out for days on end or until filming starts up again.

She should be strong, but without you there it feels like her whole world is slowly falling apart, and just a gentle push can send it tumbling down. You were her rock, her saviour, her superhero that fends off all the bad guys for her.

But now that you're gone, she has to do that all alone.

An interview without you at her side feels so daunting, she won't be able to clutch onto your hands when she feels a slight bit of nerves. She won't be able to rely on you to get through the merciless questions that will only be worse, now that you're gone.

"Sades?" A soft voice calls from behind the bathroom door. Sadie quickly stands up straight and regains her composure just as the door opens to reveal Millie. "Oh Sades," The Fifteen-year-old says sympathetically opening her arms for the redhead.

Sadie instantly buries herself into the younger girl. "I miss her." She mutters into Millie's shoulder.

"I miss her too."

Millie tightens the hug and she stands there holding Sadie with all her might, afraid that if she were to let go the older girl will break down and shatter right in front of her. But she could feel Sadie begin to sob and heave in her arms. "It's okay," Millie hushes the girl, her one hand rubbing Sadie's back delicately.

After a few more minutes Sadie tears away brushing away her running tears, "I got given the camera she would do her diary entries on. Could we maybe watch it later, at my house with the boys?"

Millie nods, "We would love to do that. Now come Sades, we have to go, it's going to start soon."

The interview was the longest two hours of Sadie's life, she wanted to hide away from all the questions and sympathetic looks she had been given throughout. Noah had noticed her discomfort and had his hand placed on hers comforting the hurting redhead all throughout. The rest of the cast had helped with the questions she had found quite hard to answer, the one's involving you, and how she was feeling since your passing.

But now she sits in her living room cuddled into Millie, with your stuffed dog, watching as the boys try to hook up your old camera, all arguing as they figure out what cable goes where. This earns a small smile from Sadie.

Soon the boys get the camera working and instantly your bright cheery face pops up on the TV. Sadie sits up a little straighter at the sight of you, her heart both racing and aching at the same time. Millie pulls the girl closer to her, in a way of further comforting her but also to make room for Caleb who wanted to sit next to the pair while the others sat on the ground in front of the couch.

"Hello!" Your voice exclaims through the speakers. "Welcome to Diary Entry One! I am as you can see on the set of Stranger Things Season Two!" The camera flicks around showing the bustling set before flicking back around.

The cast knew exactly when this first took place, the first day of filming just after they had all met Sadie.

"We got a new girl here as well, her name is Sadie Sink." You gush into the camera, a pink hue evident on your cheeks. "She's really nice... and pretty." You murmur the last part looking off to the side. "Anyways! Let's go see her!" You quickly rush off to where you had been looking at, camera in tow and stop at a then fifteen-year-old Sadie, "Hello bloody tampon, say hi to the camera!"

Everyone laughs, including Sadie who remembers that exact moment.

"What did you just call me?" Sadie questions in disbelief and You laugh, "You heard me." Before Sadie could say anything else, you quickly leave and shut the camera off.

"Hello!" You shout  with Finn alongside you, "This is, drum roll please Wolf boy," Finn drums his hands on his lap, "Diary Entry Two!" You and Finn cheer loudly capturing the attention of some of the crew members behind you. They immediately hush you both as they film a scene involving Sadie and Caleb. You and Finn quietly apologise before making your way over to Dacre who speaks with Natalia and Joe.

"Dacre!" Finn calls out causing the man to stop and turn to them, a bright smile on his face.

"Hello Lacey, Mike. What can I do for you?"

"Can you answer some-" Finn begins but you cut him off abruptly

"Is Sadie single?"

Finn turns to you and the camera wide-eyed. Dacre raises a brow, throwing a quick glance over to Natalia and Joe. "I don't know? Why, are you interested?"

Your voice sounds panicked from behind the camera, "No! I mean, Finn is."

"Y/n!" Finn shouts, "I don't!" He quickly grabs the camera from your grip and turns it to face a laughing you before cutting the feed.

"Oh, so that's how that rumour sprouted. You look so scared," Sadie giggles and Finn sends her a mocking glare.

"I didn't know she was going to say that okay?" He chuckles.

The next video rolls on and it shows both Sadie and you.

You set the camera down in front of Sadie who was busy getting her hair done. She eyes the camera cautiously as the stylist ducks out the way slightly. "This is Diary Entry number three... I think," You sit down on a chair next to her, your stylist moving in to prep your hair. "We are almost finished filming!" You smile and look over to Sadie who does a quick glance at you. "Anyways, it's time."

"Time for what?" Sadie quiers

"Time for the questions silly," You laugh tilting your head back as your stylist  combs your hair. "First question, how has your time on set been?"

"It's been great! Everyone is amazing!"

"Everyone? You sure you don't mean just me?"

Sadie giggles, "Sure."

A few more questions were asked, them mainly being about how she has felt about her time acting and being forced in a room with you and the others. She had opened up slightly about how she felt kind of isolated in the beginning due to everyone already knowing each other until You and Millie kindly took her under your wing.

"Okay last question, do you have eyes for anyone?" You smirk and Sadie goes silent.

"No comment," You gasp.

"What! Sadelyn Sinkhole does have eyes on someone," You lean forward much to your stylests dismay as she pulls you back. "Who is it?"

Once again Sadie replies, "No comment." and you huff.

"I will get it out of you. It may not be today, but it will happen someday."

Sadie's cheeks turn pink and she can't help but hide her smile in your stuffed teddy, reminiscing about how she had ended up spilling her feelings to you not even a day later. To her surprise back then you had reciprocated her feelings and even managed to steal her first kiss, she doing the same to you.

The next video rolls on with you beaming once again in the camera.

"Hello!" You exclaim once again, in the background was the cast in their season two attire watching you with smiles. "This is Diary Entry number four, we have now finished the infamous season two!" The group breaks out into cheers and a round of applause, and you place the camera down on a stand so that everyone was in the frame and move back to go sit next to Sadie, pushing Finn out of the way in the process.

"I can't believe you couldn't tell she liked you!" Finn exclaims gesturing to the action you had pulled. "Your girlfriend literally pushed me out of my seat," He laughs making Sadie snigger.

"So Caleb Mclaughlin." You start, capturing the young boy's attention, "How was it like to kiss the gorgeous Max Mayfield, the infamous MadMax," You tease and the boy bows his head in embarrassment, Everyone laughs and so do you but it was cut short as you began to cough. "You okay Y/n?" Sadie questions and you nod while Sadie not so sneakily brings her hand into yours.

"Wait!" Millie jumps in disbelief her eyes trained at the holding hands, "Were you two a couple then?" She flickers her gaze over to Sadie who turns as red as her hair, "Oh my God! We thought you two got together just before Season Three." Millie smiles slapping Sadie's leg jokingly, "You dirty dogs!"

The entry's continue, this time mostly showing you and Sadie alone. Most of the time, your hands were wrapped around her waist while she holds the camera up at you two in various locations.

"First date!" Sadie exclaims looking lovingly over at you.

*

"Can you see me?" You question trying to look over into the camera to see if you were in the frame- you in fact were not.

* "Sades!" You call out for her from her living room. "I got you something!" The camera flicks down to a necklace with a small pendant in your hand.

While that video shows, Sadie herself glances down at the necklace you had given her and fiddles with it, her heart fluttering in her chest.

*

"Do you think they'll freak out when we tell them?" Sadie questions fiddling with your hand as the camera shows you both walking back onto the set for a reading. You nod, "Oh, most definitely." The camera cuts and then turns back onto an unknowing Millie waiting for you both at the entrance to the reading.

"Y/n! Sadie!- Woah." Millie's eyes go wide as she spots your hands, "Are you two?" She gestures between the both of you. Sadie confirms with a kiss of your cheek causing her to squeal and run in to tell everyone.

* "Hello! And we're back! Season Three of Stranger Things, it's your favourite character Aunt Helga speaking." You laugh at your own words, "I'm joking, it's the best character out of the show, Dustins' sister Lacey. Today we are as usual on our first day back at filming." You cheer, "This is Diary Entry number five."

"Y/n! Where are you?" Dacre calls out in the background, "You have to go get pepper-sprayed in the face!" You widen your eyes slightly, and Dacre appears behind you, "It's just water don't worry."

The camera cuts but then is turned back on to show a smiling Dacre, he flips the camera around and it shows you being dunked in the Henderson's kitchen sink by Caleb and Sadie. "I'm drowning!" You yell out gasping for breaths. "I'd rather you drown than go blind, Lacey," Sadie comments in Max's character. Caleb goes to turn off the tap but instead accidentally turns it on full speed, the water hitting you right in the mouth making you choke and develop a coughing fit. "I didn't mean to literally drown her!" Sadie yells and Caleb throws his hand up defensively, "My hands slipped."

That scene was a blooper itself but yet it was still kept in the actual show.

Many more diary entries ended up being full of bloopers, you hanging with Sadie and sometimes the rest of the crew until it started to change.

There you stand in front of the camera, your hands clutching your chest tightly, "My chest hurts." You croak out, tears swelling in your eyes from the pain.

The cast visibly sit a little straighter at the sight of you.

You stand there for a few more seconds just holding onto your chest before finally you drop your hands down and stand straighter. You furrow your brows, "It's gone. I don't know what it is but it's been happening a lot lately." You announce but quickly shrug it off as you hear your name being called. You grab onto the camera and run out where Sadie is standing waiting for you with a bright white smile. You grab onto your girlfriend's hand and you walk off to your next scene.

Another video rolls on this time showing you setting the camera down in a position so that it showed the set you were on. You are then seen dashing back onto set and getting onto your starting position with Gaten at your side. The video goes on as normal with the familiar star court scene and then all the way to the end, with Dacre having moved it for you to get the right angles where you stand near a casted officer, signalling the end of the filming process.

"Cut," The director yells and cheers are heard all around. You jump up and hug the nearest person to you, this being Sadie and enrapturing her into a joyful kiss before moving on to everyone else.

The mood is noticeably ecstatic and everyone is busy cleaning up, with you having a quick word with Sadie before going to head for your still recording camera, shouting a 'Shut up' to Caleb who had mocked what you said to your girlfriend. Your smile is bright and inviting until it drops to a stone cold expression.

And then you were seen clutching onto your chest, feet staggering and skin paling before dropping to the floor.

"Y/n!" Gaten screams hurtling over to you, just in time to catch you. You weren't moving and the camera shows it, it shows everything happening at that exact moment. It shows Gatens terrified face as he shakes you, trying to wake you up. It shows crew members flying over to you in a hurry. It shows your girlfriend and the others staring at you horrified and worried.

"Someone call an ambulance!" The director yells shoving past all crew members who were just crowded around you. Immediately chest compressions were started.

"Oh God," Caleb murmurs his teary eyes entranced on the TV. He wants to look away but he can't.

Sadie sniffles, her heart aching tremendously at the screen.

Millie and Finn hold a sobbing Sadie in the far corner of the screen, while Noah is seen dashing for the camera and turning it off.

They thought it was the end but another clip rolls and a bloodshot eyed Sadie Sink appears in one of your hoodies, holding your stuffed dog close to her chest. She was in your dressing room, it was known by the pictures you had placed on the walls of your family and the cast behind Sadie.

"Hi Y/n," Sadie croaks out, voice breaking instantly. She can't speak, her throat hurts and her tears just flow out coating your stuffed animal with her tears. "I miss you. It's only been a few hours since you left us, but I miss you so much." She brings your hoodie to wipe away a few of her tears, "I just want to say I love you."

Sadie can't look at the video anymore, her heart aching in great amounts in her chest, her bottom lip quivering noticeably. She turns and shoves her head directly into a saddened Millie who immediately takes her into her arms. Sadie wishes it was you instead.

She can still hear her own shattering voice in the video, each word breaking and every sentence ending with a cry. A cry of mourning. A cry for you. A cry for you to just come back and tell her you're not going anywhere. A cry for her broken heart.

Sobs wrack Sadie's body and a loud cry exits her making the crying cast members cast looks of sorrow, heartbreak and pain at her.

The video proceeds and Sadie is now still sat in your chair, this time not saying anything. Your stuff dog is latched to her chest, her chin sitting on top of the toy while she runs little patterns on her knee- something you would do to her when you felt nervous in interviews or big events. And then the door quietly opens and Sadie is seen turning back abruptly, her head shaking furiously.

"No, no, no, no," She sobs as your dad steps foot into the trailer there to retrieve your stuff. "Please can I keep the camera, please!" Your dad shakes his head sadly, tears in his own eyes as he reaches down to grab hold of the device.

"Please!" Sadie begs, "I can't live without her. I can't live without seeing her!"

The camera cuts off.

***

Masterlist; celebrities

[aidansplaguewind]

I wasn't going to do a Dexter rant but I'm pissed the freak off at all the people hating the finale.

It's so disrespectful to the writers and to Michael C. Hall who said he came back to properly end the show.

We all whined and cried about the original season 8 finale and they came back 10 years later to set it right. How many shows do that?

You all sound like a bunch of kids whining because you can't have it your way.

It was beautifully done. Yeah, there was the m99 mistake. Because civilians can't get m99 and Dexter is a civilian now. Big effin deal. The killings were so damn similar and this guy happened to fake his death??! I mean come on, she was going to figure it out anyway. Miami should have figured it out.

No more seasons are needed. Why, so they can drag it out and possibly dishonor his character some more?

I love how you all think you could do a better job. I'd like to see it.

Fandoms absolutely LOVE to dissect something they claim to love, and rip it to shreds until they make everyone else hate it too. And it's sad. It's heart breaking.

It was never going to end happily ever after.

After I heard Aidan Gillen say he was really upset about all of the backlash on the Game of Thrones series finale because all these people work so hard on this project, and how it was a show that was impossible to end sme and make everyone happy. They do the best they can (I'm paraphrasing) - it changed my perspective on how us viewers can be so disrespectful.

Find the beauty you can in it. If you love something, thats what you do.

Stop dissecting shit and appreciate the story telling the way people used to. Sheesh man. Y'all take the fun and pleasure out of everything.

I been watching Dexter long before streaming services and before most of you could binge it all in two days. I'm not saying that makes anyone less of a fan. But it was a part of my life for years and years (since season 3 basically. Back when you had to subscribe to Showtime through your cable network), so I had longer to sit with it and think about it.

Oh and all of you saying killing Logan was out of character...have you been watching the same show? Dexter kills because he loves it. Because he has to. He needs to. As someone who has been watching and rewatching Dexter for 14 years, I was not at all surprised he killed Logan. He didn't want to but he started shooting at him. Rule #1: Don't Get Caught. Backed into a corner like that he would do ANYTHING to get out. Except to Harrison. But yeah, totally seen it coming he was gonna kill Logan. Obviously y'all either haven't been paying attention or you're seeing Dexter for who you WANT him to be and not for what he really is.

And I'm at peace with how they ended it this time. It was the only right way to end it. He's free now. Why can't you people understand that? His addiction can't control him anymore. I am a recovering addict so I understand him to a degree. And he's finale free.

I'm done.

[wintersportism]

Stephan Leyhe/Andreas Wellinger - “Like A Fairytale” (fic, pt. 1)

yes, so. this is certainly something. it's a lot longer than my previous two fics, which is why i've decided to post it in two parts. hopefully this one doesn't hurt you too badly. there's tw buried deep in the tags, although i feel like this might be more fun if you don't spoiler yourself with them. enjoy and let me know what you think <3

„Alright boys, hit it. Four in this car, three in the other. Play rock paper scissors or whatever, I genuinely do not care. Meet you back at the hotel.”

With that, Horngacher hands Severin the car keys, then turns around and marches towards the building that hosts the big-boss conference. Which isn’t actually a thing. It’s just what Andi has been calling the meeting of the coaches and the officials and god knows who else is attending in his head because he has absolutely no clue what they will be discussing. Not that he particularly cares.

“I’m calling shotgun!” Constantin immediately sprints towards the passenger side of the closest car, cheering as he opens the door, already pulling up Spotify on his phone and connecting it to the AUX cable. He did two amazing jumps earlier and apparently the adrenaline still hasn’t left his system, which means: A lot of bad 2010 pop songs during the car ride and a singing Consti in the passenger seat.

Andi’s always up for that party.

“I’m driving the baby,” he announces, snatching the car keys from Severin. “Not a baby!” Constantin yells distractedly through the open passenger door, scrolling through his playlist. “Thanks, but I’ll pass,” Karl says, grabbing the keys to the other car out of Severin’s hand and making his way to the driver’s side.

While the others discuss the rest of the car ride arrangement, Andi takes a step closer to Stephan, who’s been uncharacteristically quiet since the competition, even for him. They’re used to Stephan being the perfect picture of quiet contentment after a solid performance, but it’s usually accompanied by a soft smile and a quick laugh at his teammate’s jokes.

Today, there are lines on Stephan’s forehead and Andi doesn’t like it.

“You alright?” he asks quietly, standing directly in front of his best friend. Stephan looks up at him and nods. “Just a headache,” he says, managing a tired smile. “I’m gonna skip the carpool karaoke, though. Seems kind of counterproductive.” Andi nods in agreement, maintaining eye contact. “I can drive with you, if you want?”

Stephan’s smile turns a bit more genuine. He pats Andi’s side in a grateful gesture. “Sweet of you to offer,” he says, “but you did great today and I know how much you actually enjoy singing along to One Direction in the car with Consti. Go on. Drive safely.” “We listened to One Direction once-“ Andi starts to protest, but stops mid-sentence when Stephan’s eyes crinkle with laughter. “Whatever you say, sunshine. See you back at the hotel? We could-“ Stephan stops himself, carefully schooling his face into a more neutral expression. “We could grab something to eat and- and read? For a bit? If you didn’t have any other plans, that is.”

Instead of an answer, Andi’s hands go up to fix the neckline of Stephan’s jacket. He’s impressed Stephan has worked up the courage to ask – not to read his book, not exactly, because that seems to have become a codeword for the weird little routine they have fallen into sometime in the middle of the season. It went a little bit like this: Stephan (loving to read) couldn’t find a comfortable reading position on the, admittedly terrible, hotel beds in Innsbruck. Andi (loving physical contact) opened his arms and let Stephan use him as a pillow and also as a book stand.

It works. They’ve spent most of their evenings like this since then; Andi dozing off or watching a show on his tablet with earphones in, Stephan snuggled into his side, reading quietly, even though he never asks for it. Andi’s aware the older doesn’t like to ask for things, which is why they don’t talk about it. Andi wordlessly opens his arms, Stephan carefully places himself at Andi’s side with a content sigh and that’s the end of it.

Which is exactly the reason why Andi’s getting wary about Stephan’s “just a headache.” If Stephan’s desperate enough to ask for a quiet evening with him, then that’s telling him a lot about his teammate’s state of exhaustion. So what’s he gonna do? Say no?

“Of course we can,” he says softly, “whatever you want. Meet you at the hotel.” Andi leans down, presses a quick kiss to Stephan’s check and looks back at the others, who seem to have come to a decision. Markus skips over to them, slings an arm around Andi’s shoulders and starts pulling him in direction of the car. “Let’s go, Welle. Get ready to fight Consti over the music choice.” Markus climbs into the backseat while Constantin channels his inner Celine Dion with “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” Pius and Severin collect Stephan and make their way to Karl, who is already waiting in the car, ready to go. Stephan looks back over his shoulder at Andi, who winks.

“We’ll be at the hotel first!” he calls after them. Stephan laughs and Severin turns around. “Of course you will,” he deadpans. “Karl is driving. He’s slower than Pius in the inrun.” “Now hold on a second-“ Pius protests and shoves Severin against the car. The oldest laughs and opens the door, climbing into the backseat. The rest of their conversation is drowned out by Constantin’s and Markus’ singing as Andi occupies the driver’s side, adjusting the seat to his long legs.

“There were nights of endless pleasure-“ Constantin yells dramatically.

“-it was more than all your laws allow!” Markus continues, grabbing Consti’s shoulders from the seat behind him. Andi laughs and starts the car, joining in with the chorus.

“Baby, baby, baby when you touch me like this-“

X

It’s a lot quieter in the other car. Karl is softly humming along to whatever song’s on the radio. Severin and Pius are still busy discussing the mystery of Pius’ non-existent inrun speed in the backseat. Stephan rests his head against the window and sighs, eyes closed.

Karl looks at him briefly. “You okay, Stephan?” he asks, turning his attention back to the road, even though the streets are pretty deserted. Karl has always been the most careful driver out of all of them, and with the snow and ice on the road he’s driving extra slowly. Stephan doesn’t mind.

“I’m good,” he answers and opens his eyes to look at the snow-covered fields around them, the trees beyond also decked with white. Their hotel is a good thirty-minute drive from the hill, but the scenery has something magical about it, like something out of a fairy tale. “It’s just a headache,” he repeats what he told Andi earlier. Karl raises an eyebrow.

“I’ve got some aspirin, if you want,” Pius pipes up from behind Stephan, sneaking a hand through the gap between headrest and window to squeeze Stephan’s shoulder. “I think I’ll manage for now,” Stephan declines and reaches up to pat Pius’ hand. “Thank you, though. Maybe I’ll come back to you later.”

He doesn’t add that a quiet afternoon with Andi and his book is probably going to be more helpful than all the aspirin in the world. He’s been particularly stressed before today’s competition, although he can’t quite put his finger on why that is. He woke up in the morning with an uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes, despite getting a full eight hours of sleep. His jumps were good, or so he’s been told, but the usual feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment just wouldn’t set in. Instead, the headache has been getting worse and Stephan just really, really wants his bed, his book, and Andi’s arms.

He’s not going to get what he wants.

X

“-and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell, you don’t know, oh-oh! You don’t know you’re beautiful, oh-oh!”

“That’s what makes you beautiful!” Constantin finishes, air-drumming the final beats of the song. Markus shakes his head in the backseat. “I can’t believe I let you play One Direction in this car,” he sighs. Constantin turns in his seat to beam at the older. “That’s because you love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

Andi snorts. “I don’t care how much you two love each other; we do not tell Stephan that we sang One Direction in the car.”

“Oh, I will tell Stephan you guys sang One Direction in the car. I was just a victim. Dammit, I should’ve recorded this,” Markus says, putting his face in his hands. “As evidence.”

“With what?” Consti laughs. “You never take your phone anywhere! Remember when you got into an argument with- who was it? One of the Austrians? You got in the car with them and drove to their hotel because you were so busy with talking!”

Markus opens his mouth, then shuts it. “That,” he explains carefully, “was one time. I’ll have you know it was a very intense battle of me and Krafti against Michi Hayböck, the freaking Barca fan. Imagine thinking ter Stegen is a better keeper than Neuer. Utterly delusional.”

Andi looks at him in the rearview mirror. “No one was able to reach you for three hours,” he deadpans. “Karl was literally about to call the police because you didn’t answer your damn phone. We thought you were kidnapped or something.”

“They’d bring him back voluntarily,” Constantin mumbles while he scrolls through his playlist. “Fifteen minutes, max.”

Andi laughs as Markus leans forward between the two front seats and smacks the youngest with his beanie. “Listen, you little shit,” he starts, “it would be a delight to kidnap me. You would be the one they’d want to get rid of because of your questionable taste in mus- Andi watch out!”

It’s too late.

Wrong lane, Andi thinks, staring right into the headlights of an approaching truck. That vehicle is not supposed to be there.

Yanking the steering wheel to the right is a reflex, not a conscious decision.

The snow is pretty, Andi thinks as they go flying off the road. The trees are covered with it. Kind of like a fairy tale.

The sound of their car crashing against a tree is the last thing he hears for a while.

X

Someone’s knocking on the door to their hotel room. Stephan’s halfway through undressing in order to take a shower, so he quickly grabs a shirt off the bed and pulls it over his head. Probably Andi, he thinks. Forgot his keys again. Wouldn’t be the first time.

When they’d arrived at the hotel earlier, they’d wondered how the hell they’d made it there before the others. Karl had taken it as an opportunity to defend his driving skills. Severin had figured the others got so distracted by the carpool karaoke that Andi took a wrong turn somewhere. Wouldn’t be the first time, either.

When Stephan opens the door, however, he’s met with a mildly distressed looking Karl. Stephan raises an eyebrow. “Are you-“

“Have you heard from the others?” Karl interrupts him, grip tight around his phone.

“Uh, no? Should I have?”

Karl bites his lower lip. “I’m getting worried,” he admits. “We’ve been here for a good forty minutes already, and you’re telling me Welle took that many wrong turns?”

That is, admittedly, somewhat unusual. Neither Andi, nor Consti or Markus have the best sense of direction, but so far Andi has always texted or called or somehow let anyone know he got lost. Markus is another story entirely but knowing him, his phone is probably placed uselessly on his nightstand. Stephan’s headache intensifies.

“They’ll be fine!” Severin yells from down the hall.

Karl frowns in the general direction of Severin’s voice, then turns back to Stephan. “I just have a feeling. Eisei’s phone is in our room. Will you please call Andi? He always answers when you call.”

That’s true. Andi does always answer when it’s Stephan who’s calling. Stephan is convinced it’s because Andi knows he’d never call him without a good reason. The others think a bit differently, but they don’t tell him that.

Stephan leaves Karl standing in the hallway and goes to retrieve his phone from his bed. “Have you tried calling Andi or Consti?” he calls back to Karl, who nods. Severin appears next to Karl, Pius right behind him. Stephan pulls up Andi’s contact and presses call. There’s a weird feeling in his chest, something he can’t quite place. Even his headache dulls in comparison.

It’s fine, he tells himself. Karl is being paranoid. There’s no reason to assume anything bad has happened. They’re just a little later than usual. So what? Knowing those three, they probably stopped somewhere to have a snowball fight.

The pressure on his chest grows stronger with every dial tone. Pius is holding his phone to his ear as well. “Consti,” he mouths, then shakes his head when no one answers the call.

“This is the voicemail of Andi Wellinger. Please leave a me-“

Stephan hangs up.

[thefanficmonster]

A Little Childish

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: Corpse and Y/N go to visit Y/N’s parents for New Year’s. Corpse was promised good food, good company and A LOT of snow. Needless to say, the place didn’t disappoint - quite the contrary actually, it exceeded any and all expectations he had.

Requested by @waterflowersposts Hi there! Sorry for how long it took for this fic to be written :( I hope the final result makes up for the long wait! I also thought it would be appropriate to post it during the holiday season, so I hope you don’t mind. Hope you enjoy the read and I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback and any more requests you may have. Stay safe! Happy Holidays! Love, Vy ❤

I watch as Corpse is basically floating from one room into another in our shared apartment as he’s throwing random articles of clothing in his open suitcase. I have already packed my bags, knowing full well what the appropriate attire is for where we’re going.

I look away from my laptop when Corpse comes in for maybe the sixtieth time today, this time carrying a white tee causing me to chuckle. “Corpse, I know it’s very trademark for you, but the only way you’ll be wearing that when we get there is under a sweater for some extra warmth. I’m not looking forward to having my boyfriend freeze in my parent’s house.”

He smiles, looking at the shirt in his hands, and shakes his head, “Fine, guess I’ll do without it for a week or two.” He throws it in our room, not even bothering to check where it’ll land before he comes to sit down next to me on the couch, “Keep in mind, you have set my expectations pretty high up there. If I am not waist deep in snow the second we step off the plane, I’ll be disappointed.”

I give him a side glance, a smirk playing on my lips. Must say, taking on challenges you know you’re gonna win is the ultimate high-and-mighty feeling. “Honey, you’ve got a big snowstorm coming.”

                                                               *  *  *

All throughout our trip - I’m talking the drive to the airport AND the flight over - I have kept my eyes glued to Corpse, observing as his eyes sparkled more and more with each foot we got closer to our destination. He has told me the most snow he has seen was less than an inch and I immediately felt it was my duty to change that by introducing him to the magic of Canada - my home. My parents own a getaway cottage in the mountains of Calgary where we used to go every holiday season. My earliest memory is playing in the thigh-deep snow with my older sister and crying whenever our parents had to drag us back inside. 

The West Coast of the US was a rather odd surrounding for me, having grown up surrounded by snowy mountains, experiencing Christmas with no snow whatsoever was a true let down and underwhelming feeling. Since Corpse and I started dating about a month after Christmas time last year this will be our first time spending the holidays together and Corpse was more than enthusiastic to visit Canada when I mentioned how much I enjoyed my winters there. We couldn’t go for Christmas, but we’ll be there for New Year’s Eve and the first two weeks of 2021 and I am really excited. I have been dying to see my family that has actually expanded since the last time I visited - my sister has had yet another baby, making her and her husband parents of three very energetic toddlers. The six year old twins - Ashley and Alex - and the three year old Andrew. Or, as I like to call them: The 3 As.

I have warned Corpse about them like seven times despite the fact that he’s already familiar with their energy, convincing him that if that’s more than he can handle we’ve still got time to cancel the trip. He didn’t bat an eye though, each time telling me not to worry and focus my attention on reliving the moments I’ve missed so greatly instead of making sure he was having a good time.

“If you’re there...“ he said, “I’ll sure as hell be having a good time.“

One step out of the airport and he’s already mesmerized. His eyes are shiny reflecting the glow of the snow all around. It’s gonna be funny to see his reaction when he witnesses the real deal - the snow in the mountains. This compared to that is a pathetic excuse.

“I know it’s not waist-high, but that’s because they shovel it and melt it.“ He is looking around, not paying much mind to my words. The utter amazement and disbelief on his face just makes me want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He’s simply adorable! I see fragments of the child in him swimming up to the surface in the form of temptation - temptation every kid feels when they see snow: Dive in and lose track of time. “Wait till we get to the cottage.“

This manages to catch his attention, “You weren’t kidding.“

I laugh at my precious kiddy boyfriend. “Whoa there, Corpsie. If your mind is already blown, I’m worried about how you’ll react to the real deal.“ 

I have a feeling I know exactly how he’ll react cause I react similarly - I set the child in me free. After all, no parent can tell you to stop playing and go inside when you are a 23-year-old.

                                                             *  *  *

Walking up to the cottage from the cable-car station has to be the first time I’ve breathed with my lungs’ full capacity in the last five years. The sharp cold air screams ‘home’ to me like nothing else ever did. I am still surprised as to how my sister prefers summer. My family jokes I’m a winter wolf in disguise and I think they’re right. I do like to roll around in the snow much like a wolf. No judgement! Having a few extra years added to my age doesn’t change everything.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.“ If I could take a shot every time Corpse has repeated this phrase I’d be dead due to liver failure. He is absolutely stunned. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t blinked at all. Who am I to talk - I haven’t either. These mountains keep getting prettier and prettier, I swear. Taking my eyes off them would be a crime.

“Told you. I wish we made a bet, I could’ve made some easy money.“ I tease him, gently bumping my elbow against his as we walk up the trail.

“I’m glad I didn’t propose such a thing. That would’ve been fucking stupid of me.“ Judging by the tone of his voice, he is not really present in this conversation, so I decide not to let it go on any longer.

Not that I could’ve done differently, seeing as how barely three seconds latter I see three smiling faces coming at me at max speed.

Oh boy.

“Auntie Y/N!“ Ashley and Alex arrive first of course, wrapping their arms tightly around my waist. Little Andrew stumbles his way to me as quickly as a three year old possibly could.

Without wasting a second, I put my bags down and crouch so I can hug them properly. “Hi my babies! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Their hugging strength surprises me and warms my heart at the same time. The twins pull away, leaving room for the little duckling in a jacket two times his size and weight. “Hi Andrew! I nice to meet you! I’m auntie Y/N. Mommy and daddy have told you about me, haven’t they? If not I’ll kick their asses.”

“Y/N, I swear, I’ll tell Amy you’re teaching her kids swears at a very early age.“ Corpse says teasingly, stealing the attention from all four of us.

“She curses like a sailor, these kids probably know more swear words than I do.“ Ash and Alex run straight out of my grasp and to Corpse, proceeding to hug him around the waist as they did with me. They met Corpse when my sister and her husband Finn visited me back in the summer. They immediately fell in love with him. I specifically remember Alex telling me I have a ‘really cool boyfriend‘ and he only uses the word ‘cool‘ when he really likes something or someone. Corpse was honorably declared cool by Alex and that still warms my heart till this day.

“Hi guys, long time no see!“ He too crouches down to hug the little demons that immediately cling to him like koalas.

I scoop up the bundle of clothes with a face and stand up, balancing him on my hip. “Let’s attempt to get inside, shall we?” With my unoccupied arm I grab the handle of my suitcase.

Corpse nods and follows my lead, picking up the bags he also left in the snow. Ash and Alex bolt it back to the house while we struggle to follow, lowkey embarrassed by the pace we’re walking with.

Andrew struggles against me, reaching out towards Corpse. I look at them both apologetically. “You’ll meet Corpse when we get inside, darling. Chill out.”

“Y/N!“ My sister’s voice steals my attention. She emerges from the house, followed by the twins, a huge smile on her face. Her eyes land on Andrew who has calmed down is now resting his head on my shoulder sleepily, “Oh I’m so sorry about them, Y/N. I didn’t know they would charge at you the second you stepped foot on the property.“

Amy motions for me to give her her son but I hand her my suitcase instead. When she takes it I use my now freed arm to hug her as tightly as I possibly can with one arm and while balancing a baby on my chest. “It’s ok! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better welcoming.” I release, giving her a big smile.

She loses interest in me and goes to hug Corpse, taking a bag from him as well before giving him a hug. “Oh my God, Corpse, it feels like it’s been forever. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Happy to see you too, Amy.“ My sister has never liked a single guy I’ve dated. EVER. Corpse is the only one she warmed up to and that’s a huge deal to me. Corpse’s happiness when I told him that was something I’d pay to have filmed just so I can watch it every time I’m feeling down.

“Let’s get you both inside, you must be freez-“ She cuts herself off, rolling her eyes at me, “Of course, you’re not.“

I laugh and blow her a kiss as we keep carrying onward.

“Um, guys?“ Corpse’s voice makes me pause and turn around. He’s still standing in the same spot, looking- unsettled, I guess you could call it.

“What’s wrong?“ I walk over to him, taking his hand in mine.

His hand automatically gives mine a reassuring squeeze, “Nothing really, it’s just that...I’m meeting your parents for the first time and-...What if they don’t like me?”

I open my mouth to go off and start stating the obvious that they indeed won’t like him. They will LOVE him. It’s impossible not to love this man! But my sister beats me to it when it comes to stating the facts.

“Look, Corpse, they already love you. Heck, sometimes I feel like they have known Finn and you longer than they have known Y/N and I! They speak so highly of you and haven’t even met you - that should tell you more than enough about how they see you.“ She waves her hand towards the cottage, “Now walk in there and blow them away.“

Honestly, I’m glad Amy beat me to it. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

And just like that, hand in hand, Andrew still in my other arm, we walk in.

                                                             *  *  *

Corpse is officially the main attraction, stealing the spotlight from Amy, Finn and I - something the three of us are incredibly thankful for. Amy was right with every word she said - my parents are absolutely in love with Corpse. Luckily for Finn and Amy, the 3 As are all over him as well. Especially Andrew. The second someone sets him down he just waddles his way over to Corpse who picks him up and settles him in his lap while he answers my parents’ questions. 

When the kids were finally talked into taking a nap, Corpse and I snuck out to have a little walk in the snow and, of course, take some pictures. I made it my personal goal to make as many artsy and aesthetic photos of him as possible. His favorite - a hand only pic of him holding a snowball - was my idea and I think I have never felt prouder of myself.

“I am definitely posting this one.“ He says, turning the phone so I can see the screen. I give it a quick glance, thinking he’s talking about the hand pic but do a double take when I realize it’s a picture of me that he has taken without my knowledge.

I actually look rather decent, so I give him a green light in the form of a big thumbs up, “As long as you post the hand one too.”

“Hey, Y/N!“ We look back at the house which isn’t far from where we are right now. Amy is hugging the jacket tightly around herself as she approaches us with fast steps. “You know where we haven’t been in like forever?“

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head as I rack through my brain trying to dig up what she’s referring to. It could literally be any place on this mountain!

“Hello! The Waterless Lake? Ring any bells?“

Oh...it sure does.

Brief explanation: it is a huge circular dip in the ground which fills with water when the snow melts and becomes a lake but empties by the time winter comes back around. That being said, when the snow is still not melted, it’s an absolute wonderland to play in. I suddenly remember all the barrel-rolling Amy and I did there as kids and feel really nostalgic.

“Oh God, yes! I miss that place!“ I say, snapping out of my reminiscing trance. “Let’s go while it’s still light enough.”

“Finn is making dinner right now, or trying to at least.“ She rolls her eyes, turning to Corpse, “But it’d be our pleasure if you tagged along, Corpse.“

Corpse shakes his head, “I’ll politely decline. You ladies can reminisce and chat in peace, while I’ll be helping Finn in the kitchen.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips before excusing himself, “Have fun!”

“You too!“ We call back to him in unison.

Amy gives me an amazed, wide-eyed look, “He can cook?”

I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, smirking, “Oh, you have no idea.”

She laughs, linking arms with me as we begin walking our way to the Waterless Lake. The place probably has a different name or no name at all, but we named it that as kids and never told our parents where it was. It’s our spot, and it is very surprising Amy offered Corpse to accompany us there.

“Sis, you are very lucky. I hope you know that.“ She tightens the hold on my arm with hers, pulling us closer together.

“I tell myself that every time I look at him, Aims. I am fully aware.“ I say dreamily, recalling all the times I’ve spent with Corpse. Almost one full year and I could never imagine that year, nor the upcoming ones, without him.

                                                                *  *  *

Upon returning, we’re met with the most wholesome scene I have ever seen - Corpse and Finn are making snowmen with the 3 As. It seems like they’ve been at it for a while, considering there is an army of snowmen of different designs, shapes and sizes all at different spots throughout the perimeter of the clearing in front of the house.

“Oh dear Lord.“ Amy mumbles, “I had a feeling this would happen.“

The five snowman-builders don’t even acknowledge our presence when we approach them. Ashley and Alex are running around with Finn, looking for sticks to use as the snowmen’s limbs while Corpse is helping Andrew gather as much snow as possible for the body.

I don’t realize there’s a huge smile on my face up until the point I’m trying to say something. Nothing comes out, though. My words are being muffled by all the overwhelming emotions that have taken over - collapsing my senses. 

With a roll of her eyes, my sister opens the front door, taking a step into the house. The second the door opens, however, I get a whiff of the delicious smell coming from inside. Best guess, and probably the right one - this is Corpse’s doing. 

If I wasn’t already hungry, I sure as hell am now and I’m in no mood to be in that delicious food’s proximity without attacking it. 

“Come on, guys! Dinner time! Get your butts inside!“ I call out to them from the doorway.

Corpse turns to look at me with the sneakiest smirk I have ever seen. He narrows his eyes at me, “You have done the very thing you despise!”

It takes me approximately three seconds to connect the dots and scrunch up my face, picking up all the snow I can an forming it in a snow ball, throwing it at Corpse. Growing up doing this exact thing has given me great aim, therefore I hit Corpse square in the chest.

“Oh you’re so in for it now.“ He laughs, picking up snow to form his own snowball.

“Snowball fight!“ Ashley yells, ditching the sticks to make a snowball for herself.

“Oh no...“ I poke my head in the hallway just as a snowball hits my upper arm, “Aims, I need your help!“ 

Before Amy can respond, I run to take cover behind the nearest snowman that, luckily for me happens to be one of the larger ones. I hear Amy call out my name when she exits the house, followed by a surprised yelp from her when three snowballs hit her. “You are all dead!”

While she is fighting blood and fire (well, water really), I am making ammunition for us both to use. I’m on my eleventh snowball when snow showers me from above as though it has fallen from a tree branch.

“Hiding, I see.“ I am still in shock, hair and upper body covered in snow, when I hear Corpse’s taunting voice.

My vengeance instinct kicks in having me grab two snowballs and turn to throw them at him. To my dismay, he’s faster then me and doesn’t allow me to even get my arm at an angle where I could throw properly. Instead, he turns me back around and picks me up with ease, one arm wrapped around my waist, another grabbing two of my prepared snowballs from the ground.

“Let’s show them who the bosses are.“ I see him wink at me from the corner of my eye and it takes me little to no time to catch onto what he’s insinuating.

In short, with joined forces, we took out the opposite team in no time - like a true couple 😉

[macgyvermedical]

For the Last Time- Nerve Agents are NOT the Only Chemical Weapons: a “Golden Lancehead, Etc...” Science Review

So this one is probably going to be shorter than other ones I’ve done for this show, but having conveniently just refreshed my hospital decon team certification, taken a cumulative exam in EHS, and watched this episode (I’m a tad behind), I needed to do some talking on it.

Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal - Lidar + Rogues + Duty - Nightmares - Seeds + Permafrost + Feather - Friends + Enemies + Border - Mason + Cable + Choices - Bitter Harvest - Kid + Plane + Cable + Truck - Tesla + Bell + Edison + Mac -

To recap, after Oversight’s death from cancer (season 5 has an absolutely wild timeline so far), Mac seeks out the help of former classmate Frankie to help him develop a new treatment modality based on the venom of a very rare, critically endangered lancehead viper. The venom is extremely dangerous, and can also, it turns out, be chemically altered to become a very potent nerve agent. Frankie unknowingly provides the information to create the nerve agent to the episode’s bad guy, and the race is on to stop the agent from being released into an airport and poisoning a bunch of people.

Intro to the Golden Lancehead

Since the episode centers around the Golden Lancehead Viper, we should probably start by talking about what they are:

Bozer described the Golden Lancehead as “One of the rarest and deadliest snakes in the world. Found only on one island off the coast of Sao Paulo, the Brazilian Government has made it illegal to transport or own.” Then, quoting a nature documentary: “The golden lancehead’s venom targets the nervous system of it’s prey with pinpoint accuracy- causing blood blisters, intestinal bleeding, tissue necrosis, hemmorrhage...” 

Golden Lanceheads are a real type of snake that really do only live on a tiny island off the coast of Sao Paulo, Brazil. They are 28-inch-long, cream and yellow snakes with a lance-shaped head and a diamond-like pattern of scales.

The island, called Queimada Grande, is uninhabited and travel there is forbidden, an order enforced by the Brazilian Navy. This is both to protect the viper, which is listed as critically endangered, and to protect the humans- given the remoteness of the island and the danger posed by the wildlife, it would be very dangerous for rescuers to come find you if you became injured or were bitten by any of the multiple venomous creatures that live there.

In the episode, Mac and Frankie travel to a pet shop in Sao Paulo to collect a sample of the venom from an illegally acquired snake. In real life, there is a lucrative black market for the species, which can fetch up to $30,000 per snake, meaning Mac paying $20,000 for a sample of venom would not have been necessarily unheard-of.

The pet shop owner tells them that the person who ventured to the island died from a bite, describing it as (paraphrased) “his face swelled, blood poured from everywhere, and even though they cut off his arm to try to save him at the hospital, he died anyway.”

Due in all likelihood to the fact that the island is uninhabited and forbidden, there has never actually been an official documented bite in a human from this species (though unofficial reports suggest it can indeed be deadly). Chemical analysis of the venom indicates it is likely the most potent and fastest-acting venom of it’s genus, though it is likely a lot more effective at killing birds and large insects than mammals given its primary choice of prey.

Bites from other vipers in its genus run a mortality rate of between 3% (with medical care) and 7% (without medical care). Most of their venoms are made of many different sugar-like molecules called glycans which disrupt proteins in animal cells, often killing the cells. Lancehead venom is similarly cytotoxic, causing the death of cells in tissue and blood and disruption of normal blood clotting, causing severe bleeding. Symptoms include pain and extreme swelling of the area around the bite, followed by tissue death and symptoms of nausea, dizziness, headache, and sweating. Shortly after that, there is a disruption in blood clotting, causing severe bleeding throughout the body. This severe bleeding, along with kidney failure and bleeding into the brain, is typically what causes death in those 3-7% of cases. Occasionally amputation is attempted as part of treatment, but it is usually due to the extreme amount of tissue death that occurs surrounding the bite, not necessarily to stop the spread of the venom as alleged in the episode.

So basically, Bozer and his nature documentary are largely correct in where the Golden Lancehead lives, its legal restrictions, and the symptoms resulting from envenomation by lancehead vipers. The only thing that is not accurate is the neurotoxicity part- lancehead venom is hemotoxic (blood toxic) and cytotoxic (toxic to cells and tissues), but there is no indication that it causes any kind of neurotoxicity (brain toxic).

Cancer Treatment from Snake Venoms

In the episode, Mac describes the research he and Frankie are undertaking as “The therapy uses toxins extracted from snake venom, which billions of years of evolution have taught it to attack the weakest cells in a creature’s body to target cancerous tumors.”

One of the great things about snake venoms (and honestly animal venoms) is that they are not single toxins. A single snake’s venom has nearly a hundred different bioactive proteins, enzymes, glycans, and other chemicals. One of the great things is because so many of these toxins are bioactive in some way, venoms give pharmacologists a pallette of various bioactive substances already in existence that they can test and use to create drugs.

Several chemicals we use as drugs were originally discovered in snake venom. For example, enalapril (a blood pressure lowering medicine), eptifibatide (a blood thinner), hemocoagulase (a clotting agent), and ximelagatran (a blood thinner), were all discovered originally as components in snake venom. Some studies into king cobra and saw scaled viper venom has shown possible anti-cancer properties (in the form of drugs that prevent tumors from growing, prevent blood vessels from growing in cancer cells, and prevent cancer cells from spreading throughout the body), though none of these have been developed into therapeutic drugs.

Since there are literally hundreds of bioactive chemicals, enzymes, and proteins in snake venom, it’s definitely not impossible that someone could choose to do this research, and definitely not impossible that someone would be able to find something useful in treating cancer or any other disease. In fact, since the venom is so cytotoxic, there is a possibility that there is a compound in it that has a preference for certain cancer cells. The problems with what Mac says are mainly:

1. that as far as we know, nothing in venom would selectively choose cancer cells based on their “weakness”- generally drugs that do target cancer cells target the fact that they have mutated in a certain way that lets certain chemicals find them or that they are fast-dividing cells (similar to hair or skin cells) and fast-disrupted cells get killed first if a chemical disrupts cell division.

2. Snakes have only been around for 143million years, and venomous creatures have only been around for 170million years. Even one billion years is a LOT longer than that. Mac could have said hundreds of millions and it would still have been technically correct at least grammatically.

Chemical Weapons from Snake Venom:

So what about chemical weapons?

I mean, sure, if you consider that there are hundreds of chemicals in any snake venom, at least one of them is probably going to meet at least some of the criteria for a good chemical weapon. Whether or not that chemical weapon would count as a “Nerve Agent” is kind of up to the substance itself.

Chemical weapons are weapons that fall into one of the following categories:

Nerve Agents- these are things like VX, Sarin, Tabun, and other agents that attack the system that breaks down the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Without that system, too much acetylcholine builds up, causing constricted pupils, twitching, excessive saliva and mucous, eye pain, diarrhea, difficulty breathing, seizures, and death if not treated promptly.

Blood Agents- these are things like phosgene, arsine, and cyanide that disrupt the blood’s ability to transport oxygen through the body. These cause symptoms like difficulty breathing, dizziness, headache, increased heart rate and respiratory rate, nausea and vomiting, and eventually seizures and death.

Blister Agents- These are things like lewisite and mustard gas that cause severe irritation to skin, eyes, mucous membranes, and lungs. These cause symptoms of pain, redness and large blisters on skin, difficulty breathing and swelling/blisters in the lungs and airway, loss of vision, fever, and nausea/vomiting. Death either occurs due to swelling and blisters in the airway or infection.

Choking Agents- These are things like phosgene and chlorine that irritate eyes and airways. They cause symptoms of watering eyes, coughing, chest tightness, and nausea/vomiting. They eventually cause severe pulmonary edema which can cause death.

Incapacitating Agents- These are agents like LSD, BZ, and fentanyl which are not necessarily designed to kill their targets, but leave them unable to respond to an attack either by making them less conscious (BZ, fentanyl) or by causing severe hallucinations and delusions that prevent them from being able to carry out their normal duties (BZ, LSD).

While there are many neurotoxic snake venoms that are known to have chemicals that interact with acetylcholine (causing paralysis, respiratory failure, and seizures), as far as I was able to find, the lancehead viper genus is not one of them. In fact, despite what Bozer said, there’s not a lot of neurotoxicity at all in the Golden Lancehead Viper’s venom- it’s primarily hemotoxic and cytotoxic.

So, basically, while it might be possible to make a nerve agent out of certain types of venom (though why would you, exactly? We’ve got tons of nerve agents, we know a lot about them, and they’re not exactly hard to create in a lab.) it would be more likely that you’d be in the market to find a new blood agent, blister agent, or even a choking or incapacitating agent if you were using Golden Lancehead Viper venom to discover it.

Just seems like a lot of work when you could get potentially a lot more useful venom legally and less dangerously.

But the more I think about it, I think the writers chose the snake due to it’s difficulty to acquire and it’s mystery, the chemical agent due to it’s well-known-ness, and fudged things so they worked together in the story.

But Now, the Real Question:

Could snake venoms eat through metal using acid, and would ionizing radiation change that? 

“Here’s another fun fact- when a Golden Lancehead attacks, it’s venom reacts with the iron in the red blood cells of it’s prey, creating an acidic byproduct strong enough to eat flesh and corrode metal.” -Mac

Certain snake venoms actually do become more acidic or more alkaline in their victim’s bodies, and in the presence of certain metal ions. However, as far as I was able to tell, the most acidic a venom would normally become was about a pH of 4 (somewhere between soda and coffee) and the most alkaline was about 9 (somewhere around baking soda). So not really capable of “eating flesh” (though enzymatic activity could digest proteins in the victims’ tissues) and it would take a lot longer than the episode showed to cause the corrosion necessary to dissolve a lock.

That’s not to say that a specially designed and purified chemical weapon created from a compound in snake venom would be different than the og snake venom, but the likelihood that ionizing radiation would change it so drastically would be a real bummer for a terrorist, since uncontrolled releases of your weapons are definitely not ideal.

Conclusion:

Overall, there was definitely some real passable science in here, but some of the dialogue choices were so poor that it made it difficult to respect. But generally decent science, even if the “cooler” stuff wouldn’t necessarily have worked.

[pinkyshy101]

Hi tumblr, Maria here

I'm busy right now, but when I get the chance I want to watch a show. What show? That's why I'm writing this post that will probably get very few, if any, notes. So, my options are:

- rewatch a show

- watch a new show

(Tl;dr: I'm thinking of rewatching Gravity Falls, She-Ra, or possibly The Owl House, Kipo, Infinity Train, or maybe Steven Universe, leaning towards one of the first two. I'm also maybe thinking of starting a new show, which could be the Legend of Korra, Adventure Time, Clone High (I say half jokingly), the Tangled show whose name idk cause I think at one point it changed?, Glitch Techs, or maybe Carmilla. Any ideas? Lemme know!)

Lets start out with that first option, rewatching a show. Now with shows I want to rewatch, there's a few categories. There's 1) shows that I've watched for years and have seen numerous times, but I want to rewatch them because it's been a while and I like them and they make me :) and 2) I've only watched them once, probably binge watched it so maybe I don't remember all the details, but I liked it and I want to rewatch it just cause.

What are some of these shows I want to rewatch, you probably aren't asking? Well, there's

- Gravity Falls - I first started watching this show around Thanksgiving/late November 2014, and I've loved it since. I've tried to rewatch it every year since it ended around the date of the last episode airing (February 15, 2016), but last year for whatever reason I didn't. And now that somehow it's about 2 weeks since the 5 year anniversary of it ending somehow, I'm thinking I may want to rewatch it at some point

- She-Ra - this is fairly different from my experience with Gravity Falls - I had heard about it and wanted to watch it for a long while, but for whatever reason put off watching it until.. About a week or so after it ended, so probably May 20something? 2020 of course. I binge watched all 5 seasons in about 6 days, and I haven't fully rewatched it since (I've rewatched a handful of early s1 episodes with a group I'm in at school, but we don't get to do whatever things super often). Also, when I watched it the first time I was dming my friends who had already watched it the whole time, so I'm sure I didn't soak everything in. I've just really been wanting to rewatch it lately, and I don't have the time at the moment to really binge anything, but regardless, it's up there on things I want to rewatch.

There's possibly a few other things I might want to rewatch, like The Owl House, Kipo, possibly Steven Universe, maybe Infinity Train but I feel like its been recent enough since I watched them that they're still in my memory, and a few I watched more than once (Steven universe doesn't really fit in the same categories as those other 3 lol those all I started watching I suppose fall 2020 and SU I've been watching since 2015, its just... Wow I haven't rewatched it since future ended, and I binge watched the whole show up to that point, finishing within a few hours or less of the finale airing... Wow. I haven't watched it since then though, but that's also longer than the other shows I listed, so that's probably not as much a priority at the moment. Plus, I've rewatched it a ton.

Ok, now onto shows that for some reason or another, I still haven't watched. Maybe it's something that I've been meaning to watch for years and years, maybe it's something that would have made sense to watch when I was younger, but I didn't grow up with cable so I never had the chance to watch it, maybe it's a newer show that's been on my radar but I still haven't gotten around to watching it. Regardless, here's my list,

- The Legend of Korra - this and ATLA were on my list to watch for SO LONG, and finally, through a few irl friends convincing, I watched ATLA last october/november. I haven't really binge watched anything since then, except Hilda when season 2 came to netflix, so Korra is definitely pretty high on my list of things I want to watch; I know waaay less about it going in than I did about ATLA, but I'm still excited to watch it eventually!

- Adventure Time - I know I know, how have I not seen this show? Well, there's where the "I didn't have cable growing up" category comes in. I know it's pretty long, cause it aired for what almost 10 years? And I know theres that newer thing on hbo max too; idk exactly how long adventure time is, I just know it's probably gonna take me a very long time to watch. At one point a few years ago I tried to start watching it on hulu, but I got maybe a dozen or so episodes in before whatever reason I stopped. I do still wanna watch it though! I think the episodes are like steven universe where they're only 11 minutes long? I could be wrong. Who knows. But since they were both on cartoon network... I'm willing to bet that probably the majority of the episodes are around 11 minutes. Can't say for sure though. Either way it'll take a long time to watch... Which I think I already said but it's late 😂

- Clone High, I say, mostly as a joke - some of my more chaotic memey friends have wanted me to watch this, especially when memes from it were going around, so I suppose it's on my list, as far as I know it's short but eh. Not insanely high up on my priorities at the moment, but it's there

- and now, a few others that I don't feel like writing in depth because it's 4am and I've been typing this way too long and just want to hit post 😂

- Glitch Techs (watched the first episode, liked it, got busy and so far haven't continued)

- Carmilla - not a cartoon, but same people from group I watched some she-ra with (it's a wlw/nblw group at my college, thus the gay lol) have been wanting me to watch - I've seen some of it with that group similar to how we watched she-ra, but it's easier for me to watch new things on my own at my own speed, so I'd have to rewatch it

- whatever the Tangled series is called - I've seen a handful of the first episodes, but I keep getting too busy to continue it

- oh yeah, one other one that I'm eh about watching idk, some volleyball anime two of my friends are trying to get everyone else in the friend group to watch? Haikyu or something like that is what it's called, idk. I've only seen one anime, ouran high school host club, and recently while doing some art assignments for school I had it on half watching it for the first time in years. I didn't make it all the way through, but eh. I'll finish it eventually, I've seen it all the way through at least 2 or 3 times since I first watched it in like 7th grade lol)

I'm sure there's more, but like I said, it's 4:05 am as I'm typing this, so I'm very no thoughts head empty right now. Any suggestions on what to watch/rewatch when I have time? Lemme know!

Watch I bet this is gonna get no notes/interaction at all, then I'll just look silly

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Julie and the Phantoms Theory

Wow so I just binged watched julie and the phantoms on netflix and this show is amazing, like really really fantastic. It is aimed at a younger audience than most of the series I watch but it really doesn’t matter, I do think this is a show that any age group can enjoy. The music in it is so so good and I’ve been listening to the songs on replay non stop. Also have two new ships I am obsessed with Juke and Willex. If you haven’t seen the show it is defo one I would recommend. However despite watching the whole season I have soo many questions that need answering and well anyone who has read any of my posts ever know how much I love to over analyse and obsess/ theorise about tv shows. The rest I am going to put under the tag because of spoilers so if you want to hear some thoeries/ analysis then read on, but I should warn you I am going to be talking about the sensitive topics of death and bereavement so only do so if you feel comfortable. 

 So one of the biggest questions I have is regarding the deaths of Alex, Luke and Reggie. Now I know that they die from eating bad street hotdogs and I know alot of the reason why they die that way is for the comedy aspect of it. I mean one of the many things this show did really well was balancing the comedy aspects with the emotional aspects. I appreciate that as the audience we are suppose to just accept this somewhat wacky death and go with it but well thats just not me and I kept wondering what exactly was wrong with the hotdogs that it actually killed them. Some things about it just don’t add up and I hate not knowing the answers so here are some theories I have, some more outlandish than others. 

Theory 1- Food Posioning (Honestly this isn’t really a theory but lets just go with it)

My first thought when I first watched it is the most obvious one which is they got food poisoning. I mean the place they got the hotdogs from didn’t look the most sanitary. However here’s the part that doesn’t add up for me and that is how quickly they died. We know from Alex’s comment to Willy in episode 8 that they were two hours away from going on stage the night they died. This means they had to have started showing symptoms within those two hours before the show which lead to the ambulance being called. In the first episode Reggie says that after they floated out of the ambulance they went to a dark room. The part that caught my attention here is the line about the ambulance as this tells us that they died in the ambulance before they ever got to the hospital. Now I don’t know how far away the hotdog place was from The Orpheum but I’m assuming it was fairly close considering how important the show was to them, I personally wouldn’t go too far from the venue if I had a big show in just a couple of hours.  According to my google search the nearest hospital to The Orpheum is Diginity Health California Hospital Medical Center. This hospital is only 5 mins away from The Orpheum, obviously I know this time would be effected by traffic amongst other factors but the point is the time between ingesting the hotdogs and them dying was relatively short. Which makes it unlikely that they died from food posioning. Whilst food poisoning can kill its very rare and usually takes a lot longer than a few hours I mean ordinarily it takes days. So the likelihood that all three of them would have been killed by food posioning that quickly is actually slim to none.

Theory 2- It was Premeditated.  

My next theory is much much darker and definitely more out there. It also depends on how dark they plan to go with Bobby/Trevor’s character. But we know that Bobby stays behind and doesn’t go for hotdog’s claiming to be a vegetarian (which was a lie), he also seems to be pretty eager for the other three to go. Now in the scene it seems like the reason for this is so he can be alone to filrt with Rose but what if Bobby had more sinister plans what if he had some hand in the boys’ deaths and had actually posioned them or arranged for them to be poisoned. Maybe he always planned to steal Luke’s songs and take all the credit, fame and money for himself. When Julie looks up Sunset Curve on her phone you can get a glimpse at the article she reads. In the article it says ‘There was a surviving band member, Bobby, but no one has been able to track him down...’ This article seems to have been written about a week after the night they died which shows that Bobby went under the radar pretty quickly after his bandmates died. Now again this could be explained away as Bobby grieving and wanting to stay out of the spotlight as he worked through that and that him stealing the songs was a more opportunistic act than him premeditating his bandmates murders. 

Another possible variant of this theory is that it was still an orchestrated death but it wasn’t Bobby who wanted the boys dead but Caleb. During that opening scene they were still alive and we know normally lifers can’t see ghosts so for all we know Caleb could have seen them perform and had decided then that he wanted them as his house band, he didn’t want to wait for them to die so he took matters into his own hands. We assume that the first time Caleb hears about the band is from Willie but there was that scene from the first episode where he bumps into Alex and to me it almost seems like he recognises the group. Also I don’t think its a coincidence that he bumps into them right outside The Orpheum. It could be that he knew they would show up as ghosts at some point and figured they would go back to The Orpheum when they did and so would sometimes patrol that area just waiting for them. It could also explain why he’s willing to let Willie skate around the streets of LA maybe he was hoping Willie would do exactly would he did and bump into one of the boys whether Willie was aware of this plan is a whole other kettle of fish I feel like most likely he wouldn’t have because I feel like he would have told them Caleb had sent him to find them when he told them about the jolts. Point is the whole thing could have been one big elaborate plan of Caleb’s to get the band for himself, his obsession with the band could have been bigger than what we were shown in the first season. 

The last variant of this theory could be a mixture of the previous two. Maybe it was an elaborate plan made by Caleb but with the help of Bobby. Maybe Bobby made a deal with the devil so to speak and in exchange for fortune and fame he gave up his bandmates. Maybe he even gave up his own soul too but he gets to live out his dream life first. We know through Willy that Caleb has made deals with lifers that are part of the Hollywood Ghost Club so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to think he could’ve made a deal with Bobby. 

To be honest I’m not completely sold on this theory purely because the show is aimed at a younger audience and although it does cover some mature themes around death and bereavement I think murder might be a little too dark for its target audience. But then on the other hand they did have that storyline of Caleb trying to destroy the boys with those jolts so maybe I’m wrong.

Theory 3- The Car Battery. 

Ok so this theory I think is the most likely out of them all. When you think about what we know about the boys death and the timeline its that 1) They ate hot dogs that tasted bad. 2) They obviously started to show worrying symptoms that lead to somebody calling an ambulance, these symptoms showed up in under two hours. 3) They died in the ambulance before getting to the hospital (which was approx 5 mins away). Also from the sound of it they all died around the same time, as in all of them were in the ambulance it wasn’t a case of one of them died at the scene, another in the ambulance and another in the hospital. Meaning the effect time was pretty consistent, we know that they all took the first bite at the same time. So keeping all that in mind lets look at the scene again. The first thing I want to point out is that when the boys get the hot dogs they don’t show us them actually being handed the hotdogs, when we see them they already have the hotdogs and they are at the condiments adding their pickles and sauces. This in my opinion tells us that the hazard did not occur during the cooking process but at this moment when they were getting the condiments. Also we see Alex talking about how he couldn’t wait to eat someplace where the condiments weren’t in the back of a car. This scene opens by showing us said condiments and also whilst Alex is talking focusing in on the car battery. Right after his comment about the condiments Alex goes up to the seller and apologises for getting pickle juice on his battery cables once again this draws attention to the battery and its close proximity to the food. The seller just laughs it off stating that maybe it will help with the rust. This seems like a throw away comment but it could actually be a big clue into what happened to the boys. This tells us that not only is the battery near the food but its rusting and in a bad condition and if its in a poor condition it could be leaking. Ok so why is this important to how the boys died? Well because car batteries have sulfuric acid in them. I said before that the whole food poisoning thing didn’t add up for me because generally speaking when things go wrong during the cooking process such as something being undercooked or unclean, it doesn’t tend to kill you and in the rare circumstances if it does it usually takes days to weeks; but the chances of surviving food posioning are very high. However if someone were to ingest sulfuric acid even a couple of drops could be fatal. For examble if there was any sulfuric acid in the bottom of the trunk it could have gotton onto the utensils they used or onto the bottom of the sauce bottles which could then have tranferred over to the food. 

Also sulfuric acid usually kills a person within a few hours and can start having an effect on the body pretty much immediately. The mortality rate of sulfuric acid poisoning is very high the survival rate is only around 35% which would make it much more likely that not only did they all die but that the all died around the same time after exposure. The reason why it can kill so quickly is because it can effect the airways. Also the comment the seller made about the rust could have another possible explanation because whilst a leaking battery could have contaminated the food, sulfuric acid can also be found in some anti rust treatments. So if the seller was trying to treat the rust on the battery without removing the condiments from the trunk then that too could have created an opportunity for the food to become contaminated with sulfuric acid. 

So yeah this is my best guess at how the boys died, they accidently ingested sulfuric acid that had contaminated the condiments that had been stored next to a rusted car battery. It’s tragic and more tragic than that is that although it can only take a few drops obviously the less posion a person ingests the more chance they have at surviving. We know that even though the first bite tasted weird they continued to eat the hotdogs but if they had stopped after that first bite they might have actually survived. Obviously I’m not an expert on any of this so I could be totally wrong but to me this is what makes the most sense. 

Anyway what theories do you guys have? Also what questions are you hoping to get answered if we get a season 2 (we better get a season 2 or I’m gonna be real mad)? 

[larenoz]

Roswell New Mexico - Live Rewatch - Ep 1 - Pilot

So I don’t really have much in the way of original content on my blog. So I decided it might be fun to post the live blog I’ve been doing on discord of the rewatch our server is doing for Roswell, New Mexico over the hiatus period. 

I’ve only posted my comments, so there might be a couple of bits that look out of place. These are my responses to other people’s comments. I’m up to episode 6, so I will post the backlog and then do one a week until the re-watch is complete.

Be warned, there is swearing. 

--------------------------------

Sorry, cat decided it wanted a cuddle

I love the glass effect, it's so cool

You may not plan to see the small people again, Liz but we know it's gonna happen!!

Not gonna lie, I love poltics in my TV

You quote that verdict to him, Liz!!

That vent tells us so much about Liz in such a short period of time.

You're finally back says Max.Because he's been waiting for that to happen the whole time.

Excuse me Sheriff, with that good girl comment. Rude!

Arturo, playing along with Liz's mpreg story.

Fuck, I just realised - mpreg is canon!?!

Rosa!!

I want antenna headband

Cream on a milkshake is wrong.

So many people in this show have pretty eyes!!

Nooo.

Damn that's alot of lights to replace

I love that damn bullet hole in Liz's dress. It was the first indication they weren't gonna make everyone dumb as a bag of rocks and drag the storyline out FOR EVER.

Hoverboarding. Iz!!

Hey there Kyle!

Annnd here it comes, I'm in love.

That smug fucking grin. The song.

That look when he's trying to get the keys. That look would make you do just about anything.

That Michael monologue. It just gets better everytime I watch it.

Without a doubt, top 3 best character intros ever.

And we're only 15 mins in! I need to make less comments

I didn't think anyone was reading!! :wink:

"Untie some loose ends" - you go Iz

Oh Max you fucker. Telling Michael he wouldn't do anything for anyone else. Excuse fucking you.

Ok, blasting Max across the room is kinda hot. But then his guilty face! :sob:

And god, that little shoulder touch on Iz one the way out.

Another example of non-verbal storytelling. In one scene we get the fractured relationship between Max and Michael, we get that Iz and Michael are close and that both boys defer/protect Iz. So much with so little. It also sets up the physicality of the broken relationship between Max and Michael.

Others have commented on how Max is physically intimidating with people, and literally pushes Michael around, but to be fair, Michael is pretty much the same with Max (but never really with anyone else that we see on screen though we hear about it.

And then in a few lines, Iz gives us a lifetime of fears and concerns - dissection, prison, lying and hiding to loved ones - the rest of the season in seconds of dialogue

Ah, the ONLY thing that gives me Max feels is how dismissive both Iz and Michael are of Max's feelings about Liz. Especially annoying consider Michael should really fucking know better.

Yeah, because he's been pining for Alex just as long.

Unrequited love hurts just as much. Kiss or no kiss.

That's my take anyway.

Here it comes...

Typing may get bad. Cat is sitting on chest and I can't see keyboard.

Seriously, there is nothing overtly relationshippy or sexual, no pointed stares, but just how soft Michael is, even as he's making the real Manes man comment, you just know these two have a past, and that past was probably intimate.

The casual sex comment though, oh yeah they've fucked. That is such a fuck you comment to an ex.

And again with massive story in few words - Alex knocking his leg. "3/4 of one"

That run and tell Daddy line. The nastiest thing Michael says in the entire season, although we don't know that yet. And it strikes such a dissonant tone, even though we don't know why. I'm gonna put it down to things changing so much between shooting the pilot and the rest of the season.

Just my humble opinion but the shirt changing scene could've lasted longer. Just sayin'

Maths, lots and lots of maths

I love the glass SFX

Rosa!! "All our lives that kids been making eyes at you"

Oh Liz, such a good sister. Fixing up the memorial. And the braclets

Ah, sneaky Liz appears

Oh yeah can he keep a secret

Liz begging Max to tell her she isn't loosing her mind. Fuuuck.

Not cool Michael. Great control, but not cool.

Racist Hank, you douche bag

And Maria introduced as taking no shit from ANYONE.

Iz and her slideshow. I love that line.

Why is Iz so vehement that Michael would be so upset about telling Liz?

Max loosing it and Iz looking quite surprised. Forshadowing

yes, Iz no like about it. He is in love with her.

Ah Iz, Iz, Iz. "Too many secrets, things she can't ever know" you don't know the half of it.

Fall in love with someone else.  - If I could have, I would have. Fuck, Max, I feel you on that one.

Jesus, how do all these guys make dark flannel look so hot?

Dance it out. i don't dance in this town anymore, Kyle...

Hot take, I know everyone is mad for Trevino's cheekbones, but honestly, they aren't my thing. But his eyes, gods, his eyes. He has the best eyes on the show. God that make me sound like a freak.

"whatever" with that tiny, tiny almost invisible smirk. Yeah, you think you're all that

He manages that whole distraction use me, use me speech without coming off as a total wanker. And that is pretty amazing.

The station promo/ad on my cable channel has a bit for Roswell - tag line: "Beam me up hotties." Too right.

Scientist Liz!!

Needs answers now.

Fuck you Jesse Manes

I hate you already.

No Kyle, don't do it. But thank fuck he doesn't just start talking,

Yeah, nah Max. That's not how it works. It's not ok if people are nice to you but shitty to everyone else.

Why should Michael like the world? it's been pretty shitty to him!?!

Liz with the serial killer joke, just with the wrong person!!

The pods are sorta cool.

They could've been so chessy.

Now we know why the three of them are so close. And just about the only real bit of exposition on the show.

But will you Liz? Will you keep the promise?

Secret Bunker No 1

"This matters to you, so I'm here". :heart:

Do what Michael, what could you possibly mean?

"Just like you did 10 yrs ago".......

What are you max? Just a guy from Roswell

In Max's favour, when he says he stayed in Roswell, and didn't follow Liz because of Iz and Michael, he doesn't sound resentful, which is sort of what you'd expect here. I like that.And Max going to the reunion for Iz. And Liz tagging along even though she's expecting a bad reception.

"i don't save people all the time. I never save people" But you saved Liz, And why is that Max?

OT re Trevino's eyes. It was that gif set of him laying on his stomach  on his bed (?) with his doggo, looking up to the camera. That angle, OMG, his eyes....

And no verbal confirmation, just Liz realising exactly what Max said - that even though he's in a job where he'd be in contact with sick/dying people alot, he's never saved anyone before. Omph

Of course you remember the very first time you met, Max.

Little kid Max is sooo cute.

Ah you big sap, Max.

No kissing. An "Echo" of what he feels for Liz.

Nice choice of words there writers.

We see what you did there.

So far it's taken me 2 hrs to watch 50 mins

Fuck you again Jesse Manes

Swoon Kyle's eyes.

And we have Kyle's first exposure to the fact that the govt knows about aliens and did medical type stuff to them.  Does this hover in the back of his mind from now on? is this the reason for the quick reaction to his fathers actions at Caufield.?

No he's fucking not cooking meth. Seriously, Alex, what the fuck?

Sorry Alex, not cool, not cool AT all.

I want to see the outakes of Tyler saying phenyl-2-propanone

Because I'm a bitch like that

Yeah, that so serious up close and personal for straight people....

And there is Alex's nastiest line - You're wasting your life. Gods, that is such a shit thing to say to Michael.

And re outtakes because Tyler would laugh and do that thing where he covers his mouth as he trys to stop himself giggling. That's soooo cute.

But anyway, back to the show...

Oh, he wants to hold something, Michael but it's not your hand...

Macho cowboy swagger.

Did it get old for you.

No it did not get fucking old for him. At all.

Michael walking away with arm around girl. Noting for those who say they didn't realise Michael was bi after watching the pilot. How?

How could you miss it?

You go Maria - dying alone of syphillis to bitch

Maybe Liz does still dance in Roswell!! She just needs a good reason.

And that song begins.

"You can't hide from who you are". Alex's prothesis as he looks at himeself skating in the slide show. Fucking killing us.

And it only gets worse-

I don't thnk that's an unpopular opinon at all. That's totally where I see his headspace. But that does result in him saying some nasty shit to Michael. And it's because we know it's not true that it hurts so much.

Fair warning it may take me half an hour to get through the next 2 mins of show!!

Long shot - "Nostalgia's a bitch"

Fuck, the way Michael looks at Alex as he's leaning against the door. People have started wars to have someone look at them like that. That's Greek epic shit right there.

Then cut shot to Max and Iz looking at Liz.

Alex expecting Michael to be gone from Roswell.

"Is that what you want" as Michael takes a step closer. Not "wanted", but "want".

"What I want doesn't matter" as they both slowly sway towards each other. Bullshit, Alex. What you want is ALL that matters. Fuck everything else.

Michael's eyes flicking up to Alex's face....

And Michael launches himself at Alex like a dying man.

God, how do you even describe that kiss?? Everything about it is just.......

But it's more than just the fire. Its the tenderness of Michael gently craddling Alexs' head even though the kiss is passionate and desperate.

Battery break

And then, back to reality - Iz knows that Max has told Liz.

And then Jess Fucking Manes (I fututus et mori in ignie cunne) (don't look that up it's very bad swearing) talking about being monsters who despise compassion and love. Projecting much.

"Thrive on our tragedy". Die MF Die

Despise Love over a visual of Michael and Alex. Die some more you MF

But you haven't told Liz everything have you Max. There's still some stuff you're hiding.

"When the truth hunts you down"

Yeah, that truth is going to hunt you down and fuck you up Max

My house just wobbled.

No, there isn't a secret that is safe.

And people will be caught in the crossfire - have already.

"What's lost will be found, when the truth hunts you down."

Well doesn't that one line sum up a ton of shit that goes down in the rest of the season.

And fin

3 hrs

That was not what I planned.

[cubbiegirl1723]

Veronica Mars Season 4 Thoughts

Beware, spoilers ahead! Stop reading this if you don’t want to know!

Okay, I never do anything more on tumblr than post LoVe gifs but I have THOUGHTS and I need to share them, even if I’m just screaming into the void. There are some serious Veronica Mars Season 4 spoilers ahead so proceed at your own risk. And it’s long so...yeah. Perhaps the first of many, honestly.

For this to make any sense, I want to give a little bit of my background as a Marshmallow. I didn’t watch Veronica Mars when it originally aired; mostly because at that time in my life I was busy graduating from college, starting my first big grown up job, and getting married. We didn’t have cable so TV watching was limited to Netflix on discs. (Yes, on DVDs THROUGH THE MAIL. Crazy, I know.) At some point later, Amazon Prime added VM to their library and I had a free trial so I decided to watch. I love detective/PI shows (among my favorites are Magnum PI, Psych, and Republic of Doyle) so it was an instant fit. Veronica is a kickass heroine and Season 1 is literally my favorite of all time. I couldn’t get enough. So I came for the mystery. But Season 2 is not as compelling and Season 3 is...hard to watch. But I stuck around because these characters are so interesting. It’s not about the mystery anymore for me, because those are mediocre, at best. (ELECTROCUTED IN A BATHTUB. NEED I SAY MORE?!?)  I’m a 36 year old stay at home mom, watching a TV show about a 17 year old girl. I get this. I don’t watch because I’m struggling in my relationships or dealing with high school drama. Or solving crimes. That’s not why this show is appealing. But I couldn’t get enough of the these characters. Needless to say, I was a fan of the good parts of the movie and I enjoyed many parts of the books as well. I was BEYOND THRILLED at the prospect of Season 4. More Veronica? More Logan? More Neptune? Real recognition for my favorite show, saved by the best fandom in existence? YES PLEASE. 

I’m the first to admit that I don’t have a degree in film studies or literature. But I like a good story, I read a lot, and write a little. I’m not an expert by any means and I freely admit I’m not objective about it. I love Logan Echolls and in most ways, he is more admirable than Veronica when it comes to dealing with trauma and being a successful adult. Having admitted my bias, I think this is more than me being upset about the death of my favorite character. I really wish this was just a post of me analyzing the things I liked and didn’t like about the newest season. Maybe I will get into that at some point, I don’t know. All of that—the OCC moments, the inconsistencies, Veronica’s troubling attitudes—was overshadowed by a choice that legitimately doesn’t fit, doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not just that I’m upset and I didn’t like it. I know I’m not objective but Logan’s death did not add to the plot line in any fashion and I ABSOLUTELY HATE the way it was handled. More on that in a second. Here’s where I’m struggling most, though. It doesn’t fit the message. 

Maybe I’m just dumb, but Season 4 was different than I expected. (Vast understatement, I know.) With all this emphasis on “mature content” and “Veronica’s healthy sex life,” I was prepared to be shocked. (I wasn’t.) Rob Thomas spoke at length about the story arc and Veronica’s big choice for the season. He talked about how she was going to have to choose between settling down/marriage/family versus her career, a choice many men face. (Side note: what man has to choose that?!? They can very easily have it all. There’s absolutely no gender reversal here at all.) But as I watched, that’s not what I saw happening. I saw Veronica having to choose between letting people in, trusting people, and staying stagnant, closed off. She made a new friend in Nicole—and lost her because she didn’t trust her. She didn’t want to upset the status quo in her life by marrying Logan. So we see her struggle with all this, see her wrestle with all the trauma in her background and her issues and how it affects her relationships. This tension is beautiful and I loved it! By choosing to marry Logan, Veronica is saying that she is learning and is willing to let him in further. This shows character growth! 

And then what happens with his death? “Neptune” once again proves to Veronica that she can’t control her circumstances and she’s just a victim. She’s right to keep herself closed off because she doesn’t deserve happiness and will never find it. I think it’s odd that KB wants this message out there for her young girls but I’ve often thought that while she plays Veronica amazingly well, she maybe doesn’t see her the same way I do.

Do I believe that Veronica could overcome the pain of losing Logan? Yes, I do. BECAUSE SHE’S DONE IT BEFORE. This story has already been told. It’s unnecessary to repeat in her character development. We know Veronica can survive it—we spent years watching that and how it shaped her. It’s fascinating but her character doesn’t need more trauma to be interesting. Her marshmallow center is what makes Veronica a lovable character and without that, she’s no longer compelling to me. What we need to see is how she lives in the trauma and grows through it. Based on her weird reactions to things (angry sex, poor social skills) it’s safe to say that she’s STILL not dealing well with her high school trauma. She told us earlier in the season that if anything happened to Logan or her dad, she would “put her head in the oven.” I’m glad that’s not how she responds but...how does she deal???

Which leads to my next big complaint. We don’t see any of that. (NOT THAT WE NEED TO BECAUSE IT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE BEFORE.) It honestly might have been inspiring if we saw Veronica—absolutely crushed by the death of her husband of 5 minutes—pulling herself out of the rubble and rebuilding. (Side note: could his death have been more tropey??? Don’t tell me, Rob Thomas, that you’re ready to write a grown up show when, OMG, you use more cliches in 8 episodes than the previous 64 high school soap opera ones combined. I guess we can be thankful Logan doesn’t have a baby while in a coma.) We don’t see Logan’s death, we don’t see his grave, we have no finality in this, but more importantly, we don’t see Veronica grieve at all. We flash forward a year, she’s talking about how “Spring Break is dead” but she doesn’t talk about Logan at all. She fills us (and her therapist) in on all that’s happened in Neptune since but she’s wearing bright colors, listening to poppy music, the sun is shining, and she’s driving her happy red car along the scenic coast out of Neptune. I’m glad that she’s okay but it’s not inspiring because it’s not allowed to be.

I really really really didn’t like the emotional pacing of Logan’s death, either, but that’s a rant for another time. I just can’t believe that Rob Thomas thinks anyone wants to watch this version of Veronica without anyone in her life calling on her crap. No one is here for the mysteries. They aren’t that great. (Yes, there was a small twist to this one but the killer was who I guessed after the first episode.) And if RT can’t figure out how to write a married couple with tension he needs to hire someone who can. I’m sorry that it was just “too hard” for him to figure out. I sincerely hope his gamble fails. What an utter betrayal of the people who literally brought his show back from the grave. And please don’t tell me that this is what I “need.” You’ve insulted me enough already. 

[mariequitecontrarie]

All of Me: Chapter 16

The Fic: Belle French is a pudgy librarian who’s in love from afar with “town monster” and ace reporter, Mr. Gold. Little does she know, he’s head-over-heels in love with her, too. Chapter Summary: Belle and Emma go shopping in Portland to prepare for a big night out with Gold and Neal at the Storybrooke Winter Gala. Emma runs into an old high school rival and shares a secret. Rating: T A/N: Guys, it’s been 84 years! Much love to @galactic-pirates and @magnoliatattoo for putting up with me. Artwork by the talented @wizzygold @a-monthly-rumbelling: “I’m not dressed for this.”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | 

Stay with Me (bet. Ch 9&10) | Spiked Chocolate (bet. Ch 16&17) | Pieces of Me (Q&A)

ON AO3

“The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.” - Marcelene Cox

***Three weeks after Belle has moved out of her parents’ house and into Marco’ s.***

Belle picked up the telephone to call Gold at the newspaper, her day planner spread open on the desk.

Yes, it was old-fashioned, writing things down on a calendar and lugging the thick planner around in her bag, but she liked old-fashioned. She liked books, and fountain pens, and the rustle of paper—both crisply new and faded with age. Besides, she didn’t trust iPhone calendar apps.

She’d forgotten Daddy and Edith’s anniversary one too many times thanks to those finicky electronic calendars. Whenever it happened, she rushed to write a card at the last minute but instead of being grateful, Edith seemed to enjoy shaming her for “neglecting her family.” Personally, Belle felt anniversaries were about the couple celebrating each other…but her thoughts were veering way off course. If she ventured down the dark road of worrying over Edith, she could end up in bed with a box of snowball cakes for the rest of the day.

But falling into depression was less likely now that she no longer called her father and Edith’s house home. After three weeks of living with Marco, there was no denying how much better she felt; the freedom of coming and going as she pleased was a heady sensation. Sometimes Gold joined her at Marco’s house in the evening and the three of them played Scrabble together. Once, she had insisted Marco not cook dinner after cooking at the restaurant all day long and dragged him to Emma’s house for a family dinner where Henry chattered about school and his friends and made everyone laugh until their sides ached. 

But most often, Marco would come home from the restaurant and the two of them would eat a pasta and salad dinner, and then spend the evening in the comfortable quiet of his small, cozy living room. His overstuffed couch and chairs were such a contrast to the hard, slick leather furniture Edith filled her house with, and Belle loved sinking into the corner of Marco’s huge couch and covering up with a fluffy throw blanket.

Sometimes they would make small talk about their days but on most evenings, Marco would be bent over a notebook making notes for the next day’s specials at the restaurant, and she would pull out her laptop to research books to add to the library. Usually, either the Cooking Channel or HGTV played in the background. She’d had an older television in her bedroom at her parents’ but no cable connection. Marco, however, had a new flatscreen and Belle indulged in her love of watching House Hunters International, which combined two of her favorite pastimes: seeing home interiors and a peek at exotic destinations.

Gone were the days of being chased into her bedroom, hiding her diary, and hoarding snacks. Some days, the years spent in Edith and her dad’s frosty household seemed like a bad dream. 

At least twice a week, Belle offered to pay Marco rent. It didn’t seem right to eat his food and live in his space and offer nothing in return. But he refused every time she asked. “No,” he had said this morning over breakfast, flipping eggs with a stubborn twist of his lips. “We are family, Bella. La famiglia. And when life is hard, family is a soft place to land.” Her eyes had burned with grateful tears, but she kissed his cheek and ate her breakfast and let him fuss over her until they went their separate ways—he to the restaurant and her to the library.

Besides, she thought as she punched in Gold’s number, she didn’t have time for wallowing.

She needed to talk to Gold about the annual Storybrooke Winter Gala today. On impulse, Neal had bought four tickets and insisted he and Emma and Belle and Gold make a double date of the occasion. He’d even arranged for their next-door neighbor, Ana, to watch Henry.

Every December, the Mayor’s Office hosted the gala to benefit the city schools. This year, all proceeds would go toward school Arts programs—music, theatre, writing, and art workshops. Emma and Gold usually attended every year, Gold to cover the event for the Times and Emma to capture photographs to accompany the story. Belle had never been invited to the ball before, though, and she wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Part of her didn’t want to be seen in public with so many shiny glossy people she couldn’t measure up to, but another side of her was excited to play princess for an evening.

She glanced again at the date and punched in Gold’s phone number. Today was Friday, November 16th. Thanksgiving was next week, which meant the gala was only three weeks away. There wasn’t much time to get ready. Finding a dress could be difficult and she would probably need to take it to a tailor, too. The thought of shopping for formalwear made her palms begin to sweat.

“Gold,” he answered on the first ring.

“What are you wearing?” she asked in a rush, followed by a breathless pause.

He answered with a laugh, the deep, rich sound making her spine tingle. She imagined him setting down the newspaper proof he was holding to turn in his chair to peer out the window toward the library. Since her office was in the back of the building he couldn’t actually see her, but she felt the admiring burn of his eyes all the same.

She heard a rustling sound as he set down the pages. When they talked or spent time together, he always gave her his full attention. It was certainly a refreshing change from Sean distractedly glancing at her during one of his marathon video game sessions and asking her to repeat what she’d said for the third time.

“A naughty call in the middle of the workday?” Gold drawled into the phone. “Sweetheart, men dream of these sorts of calls from their girlfriends. It’s not even my birthday.”

Belle blushed. She hadn’t stopped to think how awkward the question would sound out of context, but now that it was out, she teased him right back. “Mmmm nothing naughty to say today but just wait till it is your birthday,” she said. “Now that you mention it…”

“Yes?” He drew out the word, filling it with expectation and making her giggle.

She could almost see him leaning forward across the desk, a mischievous gleam in those caramel eyes.

“When is your birthday?”

“January 14th,” he answered promptly. “And tell Marco I prefer ice cream cake.”

“You prefer every cake,” she shot back, smiling into the phone. When it came to baked goods, Gold had an enormous sweet tooth. “But I think it can be arranged.”

“That’s excellent news. Just don’t tell Marco how many candles to put on it because the thing will be melted before we have a chance to slice it.”

Belle knew he was still self-conscious about the difference in their ages. She also knew exactly how to soothe him when he worried. “Then it’s a good thing I prefer mature men.”

“Indeed,” he said, sounding pleased.

She flipped her planner forward and marked his birthday on the calendar in bold, red ink, surrounding the date with fat, bright hearts. The birthday of the man she loved was an important day—far more worth remembering than the wedding date of her stuffy stepmother and emotionally unavailable father. At least she knew Marco wouldn’t snoop through her things and read her planner or her diary. But she was digressing again.

“Now, back to my question,” she ordered, feigning sternness. 

“You have my full attention, General French.”

She laughed and rubbed the thick holiday gala invitation between her fingers. Its embossed gold lettering and sprigs of holly in metallic ink screamed expensive. Everyone knew the Storybrooke Winter Gala was the social event of the season. From the chilled seafood towers bursting with crab claws and lobster tails to the elegant champagne cocktails, no expense would be spared.

Belle fanned her warm cheeks with the cardstock, her clammy fingers leaving damp smudges at the top of the matte stationery. “The invite says formal attire, but you’re almost always formal. Were you thinking suit or tuxedo?”

 “At the moment, I’m in my usual. I did opt for the socks with the turkeys today as a nod to next Thursday.”

Belle giggled and dragged her teeth over her lower lip. His Thanksgiving socks were adorable and he was being terribly sweet in his attempts to put her at ease. She wanted to go to the gala, but she didn’t want to look like a country bumpkin who had never been anywhere. Gold had attended fancy dinners and parties all over the world. He’d been to a State Dinner with the President, for goodness sake, while Belle had never ventured beyond the Portland city limits. “You know what I mean. It’s not like we can show up in sweatpants and be all ‘sorry, I’m not dressed for this.’” Oh, how she wished.

“Sweetheart, you can wear anything you like. You’re gorgeous no matter what you have on. That said, I’m not really the proper person to offer advice on evening gown selections. Why don’t you talk to Emma?”

She sighed. “Honey, I have talked to Emma. We’re both going shopping and we both need to know. It’s not like we can ask Neal for guidance.” Exasperated, she pushed a curl off her forehead, wondering why she had to explain this. “You know what he’s like. Emma said, ‘Neal would dust corn chips off his construction clothes, zip a hoodie sweatshirt over it, and head out the door.’ That’s a direct quote, by the way.”

Gold burst out laughing. “Sounds like my boy. I’ll make sure he’s dressed appropriately.”

“Anyway,” she continued, “there’s not much of a boutique circuit here in Storybrooke and I’m not exactly a candidate for Rent the Runway.” She sucked in the inside of her cheek as soon as those last words were out. Since they’d started dating, she’d been making a concerted effort not to say self-deprecating things about herself. At least not out loud.

Gold hadn’t seemed to notice her negativity, though.

“Which would you prefer I wear? Tux or suit?”

The image of whirling on the dance floor with Gold in a sleek black tuxedo was doing crazy things to her insides. “Tux,” she said in a breathless whisper. “Tux sounds good.”

“Tux it shall be then. And Belle?”

“Yes?” She was still picturing Gold in black tie and her stomach was doing gymnastics.

“Love,  I meant what I said: you’re gorgeous no matter what you wear. We’re going to the gala so we can dance and eat shrimp cocktail and support the Arts, not so you’ll worry over competing with silly girls and stupid women who wouldn’t know true beauty if it ran over them with a sleigh.”

“I wish you and Emma and Neal were going to be the only ones there,” she murmured, feeling silly. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t known about the gala and been given every opportunity to decide against going. The event had been on the calendar for weeks, yet the closer it came the more she fretted about fitting in. An inexplicable craving for belonging tightened her chest.

Gold hummed into the phone. “This is about more than a dress, isn’t it, sweetheart?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath, letting the weight of his understanding settle over her like a comforting mantle. Her head lolled forward until her forehead rested upon the top of her desk. The smooth, cool grain of the wood felt good against her flushed skin and she forced out another lungful of air. Gold didn’t deserve to be at the wrong end of her short fuse. She tried to tell herself she belonged at the gala because he’d invited her, but the heart didn’t always believe the head—no matter how sensible the head was being.

“It matters to me that I at least look like I belong, even if it isn’t true,” she admitted.

Gold was quiet for a long moment. “It is true, sweetheart. For as long as I draw breath, you will always have a place to belong. If Marco, Emma, Neal, and Henry were here, I know each of them would say the same. I also know it’s going to take more than hearing the words to make you believe it. You have to know the truth deep down. I love you so much, and I only hope and pray that one day you’ll see yourself the way we see you.”

Belle pressed her lips together, muffling a sob. “Thank you for understanding,” she whispered tearfully. “I love you.”

“It’s nearly five. I’m coming over to the library.” Through the phone, she heard the distinctive click of his pocket watch as he snapped it closed. “When I get there, I’m going to kiss you till you’re breathless, then take you out for a nice, quiet dinner, just the two of us. How does that sound?”

Belle smiled and wiped her tears and her worries away with a tissue from the box on her desk. “It sounds perfect.”

“So we’re here.” Emma sucked down the dregs of her iced latte in a noisy slurp and wiped her hands on her black jeans. “Portland. Boutique Row. What do we do now?” She tossed the cup in the trash can inside the door.

Like aliens on a foreign planet, they hovered inside the doorway of Posh, the largest formal boutique in the city.

Belle eyed Emma suspiciously. “I thought you said you knew about shopping.”

“Yeah, for denim and dry fit. Where to get the best doughnuts. And the occasional piece of leather. Not evening gowns.”

“But you’ve been to this gala before?” she pressed.

“Yeah, as the photographer. No one pays attention to what you’re wearing when you’re behind the camera. I got away with black pants and a dress shirt three years running.”

Belle looked her friend up and down. Perspiration was dotting Emma’s temples. Her cheeks, ruddy from the winter air outside just moments ago, were ashen. She knew that deer-in-headlights look: Emma was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

Belle ran her teeth over her lower lip, discouragement slithering around her and squeezing the air from her lungs. “Are we in trouble?”

“It’s possible,” Emma acknowledged, then shook her head hard enough to cause her ponytail to sway. “No. No! We’re two grown women. We can handle one small town formal.”

“You make it sound like war,” Belle said wryly.

“It’s worse. Other women. Rich, polished, cold as ice.” She rolled her eyes at a chic blonde dripping in Chanel and carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag bigger than Belle’s suitcase. “Maybe we should invest in suits of armor.”

“Or maybe we should eat them for supper.”

Emma snorted, their laughter breaking the tension. It was rare for Emma to be intimidated, and Belle patted her shoulder. Misery loved company, and somehow knowing she wasn’t alone in her insecurity gave her hope for more than the hunt for an evening gown. “We can do this, as long as we do it together.”

Emma’s reached for Belle’s hand and squeezed. “Right. Together is better.”

”Exactly.”

Emma gave a long, slow whistle and they moved into the store like two people tied together in a three-legged race. “Where should we start?” Belle stared at the array of gowns and began to shuffle through the racks, heading in the direction of the plus sizes. She’d come here expecting to have maybe two choices in style but after a few minutes of browsing, to her surprise, there were many gowns in her size—short and long, tight and flowing, beaded and glittery. And though she hadn’t tried on a solitary dress, she was still convinced there wasn’t one in all of Portland designed to flatter her physique. In one fell swoop, she’d gone from zero choices to too many. So many dresses, so little time, and so much Belle.

Even the eggnog lattes and cream-stuffed doughnuts she and Emma had feasted on in the car on the way here left her feeling hollow. She was at her worst at formal events—the last one she’d been to was her high school senior prom and not one person had asked her to dance. She’d gone stag simply so she didn’t have to sit in the house with her father and Edith. With the exception of going to the refreshment table to sneak brownies, she had sat in the corner the entire time.

But she wasn’t in high school any longer. She had a handsome escort in Gold and friends to spend the evening with. The steeply priced gala tickets had already been purchased and paid for and supporting the Arts in their schools? She couldn’t think of a more excellent cause. Besides, backing out three weeks before the event was paramount to announcing you had no interest in seeing Hamilton. It simply wasn’t done.

She squinted in the direction of the lingerie. Spanx were what she needed—something to suck her in and smooth her out—injected with industrial-strength elastic.

“Black. Black is the slimming choice,” Belle decided aloud, pushing through the rack toward a plain A-line silk sheath gown.

At least if she stuck to basic black, she and Gold would match. Like two penguins. One sleek and sophisticated, the other round and plump, carrying a lot of blubber around to make it through the hard, cold, South Pole winter.

“No black! Black is the safe choice,” Emma countered, smacking Belle’s hand when she reached for the hanger on another simple, nondescript black gown with clean lines.

“And that’s bad why?”

“Because it’s drab and washes you out. Go for color. Like gold.”

“Suddenly you’re a Pantone expert?” Belle winced. “A gold dress? Isn’t that a touch…cliché?”

“Alright. We’ll keep looking.”

Belle nudged Emma in the direction of a tall, willow-thin woman with striking black and grey hair and the pointiest red stilettos she’d ever seen. “Maybe we should ask someone. I think she works here.”

Emma squinted and slid more dresses down the rack. “The one with the scarf on?”

“It’s a poncho.” She knew that much.

“Wait! Wait! Try this emerald one! Gold will go crazy when he sees you in this!” Emma whipped a dazzling, jewel-toned gown with a daring thigh-high slit off the rack. Belle stared at the stunning gown then glanced back at the saleswoman. “Five minutes ago you didn’t know anything about dresses.” “You’re right, I don’t. But I know my father-in-law and he’s going to love that dress. Well, he’d love you in a life-sized paper bag, but this dress will make even Mr. Smart Ass Newspaper Dude speechless. God, I can picture him drooling already!” She thrust the dress into Belle’s arms and gave her a playful shove. “Go try it on. And remember, the only person who has to know how beautiful you are…”

“Is me,” Belle finished. They’d had this conversation often during their walks over the past few months, and Emma had reminded her yet again on the two-hour drive here. She fingered the rich velvet skirt with trembling fingers. Now she had to walk the walk. “I’ll try it. What color are you looking for?” she asked, backing into the fitting room.

“Black.” “Emma!” she whined.

Emma yanked the fitting room curtain closed with a laugh. The dress was crushed velvet with full-length sleeves, hard to find, even in the middle of a brutal Maine winter. She slid into the gown, the silk-lined velvet feeling decadent against her skin. Even without the back completely zipped, she liked the look. Emma was right, she realized, turning this way and that in the three-way mirror.

The scoop neck hugged her shoulder blades, emphasizing her thinnest feature—her shoulders—and the color made her blue eyes sparkle and skin creamy even under the garish fluorescent fitting room lights. It was a few inches too long for her 5-foot, 1-inch frame, but the skirt length was easily remedied at a tailor. Not hating it, she took a deep breath, lifted the skirt so she wouldn’t trip, and opened the curtain. She hoped Emma was nearby because she didn’t want to make a spectacle of herself. Those stupid little fitting room closets were designed to thrust you back out onto the floor where commission-hungry salespeople could tell you how good you looked and convince you to buy.

“Em,” she called out, “could you zip—” She swallowed the rest of her words. Emma was face-to-face with a dark-haired woman, and looking even more nervous than she had when they walked into the boutique. “Emma? Emma Nolan?” The stranger wore a smart navy pantsuit and a light blue silk blouse, and her blood-red lips spread in a wide smile. Everything about her, from her perfectly coifed hair to her buffed, nude pumps, screamed suave and important.

“Yeah, who’s asking?” “It’s me, Regina Mills. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten. We graduated together from Storybrooke High! I sat next to you in Mr. Walsh’s English class.” “Oh, hey.” Emma kicked the carpet with her boot, looking anything but thrilled to meet an old high school friend. “Good to see you. You remember Belle French, I’m sure. She graduated the year after us.” Regina frowned at Belle, making a small scar on her upper lip stand out. “Sorry, doesn’t ring a...bell.” “It’s fine. We didn’t really travel in the same social circles anyway,” Belle said.  Regina pouted, as if trying to decide if Belle’s remark was a put-down.

Well, she could interpret the comment however she wished. Belle didn’t care for the change that had come over Emma since Regina had appeared or the barely-veiled insult that she wasn’t worth remembering. Now that she’d had a good look at her, she remembered Regina well enough. Then again, it was hard to forget the most popular girl to ever come out of Storybrooke High School. Student body president, prom queen, and girlfriend of Daniel Colter, captain of the football team. Belle would have called her a high school cliché, except that Regina had carried her smooth, flawless reputation into adulthood. She was still the most beautiful woman Belle had ever seen close-up.  “I’m just in town for meetings today. I’m an attorney and planning to run for office next term.” Regina’s frozen smile was back in business. “I’m thinking start small with state Senate and work up from there. So, Emma, what have you been up to since graduation? I haven’t seen you since we walked across the stage.” “Um, well.” Emma shoved her hands in her pockets and looked toward the racks of dresses. “Emma is a gifted photographer,” Belle said, sliding to her friend’s side. If Emma wasn’t going to boast about her accomplishments, she sure as hell was going to do it for her. “How exciting!” Regina’s grin was wolfish, her dark eyes sparkling. “Are you exhibiting your portraits at any galleries?” “Uh…” Emma looked at the floor. “No time,” Belle put in. “Right, Em? You’re much too busy with your son, Henry and your husband, Neal.” “Oooh, a husband.” Regina’s eyes flashed again, reminding Belle of a shark circling its prey. “Is he a doctor?” “Nope.” “Hmmm.” She tapped a red nail against her jaw. “A lawyer then?” “He’s in construction,” Emma said, looking to Belle for help. “For your information, he runs his own construction company. He’s built most of Storybrooke’s new buildings in the last ten years.” Belle glared at Regina, daring her to make another cutting remark. “So he’s a working man,” she said, managing to make the term sound neither positive nor negative. “Yeah. Yeah. He’s great.” Emma’s laugh was feeble and she ducked her head.  Regina clapped her hands. “This has been fun, catching up. We should do this again sometime.” She flashed another gorgeous, winning smile, and moved in the direction of the lingerie. “Best of luck on the campaign trail,” Belle called after her. Waiting until Regina was out of earshot, Belle whirled on Emma. “Excuse me, but what the hell was that?”

“Never mind. We have shopping to do.” Emma cleared her throat and tried to slide past her, but Belle held her ground.

“The shopping can wait. Who died and crowned Regina Mills queen?”

Belle had zero patience for people who clambered for social standing and pronounced themselves better than others. Having been so often on the receiving end of other people’s sarcasm, Belle rarely talked down to people. But standing up to bullies didn’t count. Something about watching Emma cower in front of Regina caused an angry fire to blaze in her belly. Maybe she was lousy at defending herself, but she’d be damned if she’d let anyone walk all over her friend. Emma shrugged and studied the dresses. She was pretending not to care about the awkward encounter, but Belle knew better. “I don’t like small talk. ‘Hi. How are you?’ she parroted. ‘Oh, I’m fine, how are you?’ News flash: nobody’s fine.”

“Em…”

“No matter how she makes it sound, Regina and I weren’t friends in high school, we were competitors.” She rolled her eyes. “She reminisces about Mr. Walsh’s English class like that was the only time we saw each other. I guess she forgot about the four years we spent one-upping each other on the cheerleading squad, softball team, and the debate team. Always trying to be smarter, stronger, and skinnier than the other. We were out for blood.”

“Then why are you letting her get under your skin?”

Emma sighed and pulled on her ponytail. “You know Cora Mills?”

“Cora Mills, the mayor? Of course.” Belle suppressed a shudder.

Regina’s mother, Cora, had been mayor of Storybrooke for as long as Belle could remember. Cora was a cold, calculating woman, but what she lacked in lovable qualities, she made up for in efficiency. She ran Storybrooke like a machine and no one could argue with her methods, not even Gold, who was paid to search out everything. From the few times Belle had met her, she realized Cora wasn’t mean so much as devoid of emotion.  Beyond a perfunctory review of the library budget once a year, Belle was fortunate to rarely communicate with the Mayor’s Office and even when she did, it was strictly emails between Belle and Cora’s assistant. The library and its services were beneath Cora’s notice; so long as Belle didn’t ask for too much money, she stayed under her radar—which was exactly the way she liked it.

Emma wandered to a bench next to the row of fitting rooms and plopped down. “My mom always wanted to be like her, you know.”

“Really?” Belle would never have expected sweet, kind Mary Margaret Nolan to want to emulate Cora Mills.

Emma smirked. “Once, a long time ago, Mom even tried bidding against her for Mayor but she was too nice. She was laughed out of the first debate, and it’s a good thing because the town would have walked all over her. Since Mom couldn’t be like Cora, she decided the next best thing would be for me to be like Cora’s daughter, Regina. I spent every day of high school trying to beat Regina for one reason: because my mom couldn’t beat hers.”

“Wow,” Belle said. “I would never have known. Your mom is such a great teacher and your parents are like a fairytale marriage. Talk about relationship goals.”

“Exactly. The thing with my mom is she’s incredible just as she is,” she said. “Former prom queen, straight-A student, a born teacher. She’s smart and pretty and married to the perfect, charming husband. And she loves Storybrooke—but not for me.”

“But your parents live in Storybrooke.” Confused, Belle furrowed her brow. “That seems like a bit of a double-standard.”

“Yeah.” Emma shook her head. “’Why do you want to take pictures of engaged couples and local pet adoptions?’ she said, mimicking her mother’s innocent tone. “She would rather I was out on the front lines of some war documenting the dying.” “Like Gold used to?” Belle nodded in sympathy and claimed the empty side of the bench. She knew all too well the feeling of being expected to be someone you couldn’t be and dashing parental hopes in the process. “She feels like you shouldn’t be satisfied with a simple life.” “Bingo! And she resents the hell out of Gold for telling me what it’s really like out there. I think that’s why I’m closer to him now than I am my own parents. He understands weakness and failure in a way I don’t think they can. I’m not some conceited little bitch who’s hiding in the bathroom to throw up everything she eats to fit in anymore, but sometimes that really sucks, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.” Belle’s heart clenched in sympathy. Sometimes she still got sucked into the vortex of her own self-pity and forgot that everyone—even gorgeous, wonderful Emma—was fighting a battle. Trying to be yourself was hard work. It was so much easier to toe the line of people’s expectations, to do and say what made others feel comfortable and safe. “So there’s Regina, first conquering the state of Maine, then the world.” Emma put her head in her hands. “And here I am...not running for a spot even on the PTO. Married with a kid and pregnant again.” “You’re pregnant?” Belle slung an arm around Emma and dragged her against her side in an awkward hug. “Oh, sweetie, that’s amazing!” “Ya think? Emma sniffled but looked hopeful for the first time since they had entered the boutique. “Really? I wasn’t expecting another baby. It just happened.”

“Henry is going to be a big brother!” Belle squealed, excited enough for both of them. “Does your mom know yet?”

“Are you kidding?” “What did Neal say?”

Emma shook her head and touched her belly. “You’re the first soul I’ve told.”

“Me?” Belle crowded closer to Emma and drew her head down on her shoulder. She smoothed Emma’s hair back from her temples, soothing her the way her mother used to when she was little while she tried to process the news. To think she was the first to know about the new addition coming to the Cassidy household. She hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ve ever been first in someone else’s confidence. At least not...well there’s Gold, of course.” She felt Emma nod against her shoulder. “I know what you mean. I’ve had friends. Acquaintances. Then when I met Neal he satisfied any need I had for friends. He’s a great husband and I love him to pieces, but it’s not like this. Like us. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Belle.”

“Me too,” she said, tears scalding her eyes. She’d known it was true—had felt the stirrings of their bond deep in her spirit ever since their first real conversation at Henry’s birthday clambake. Between family dinners, walks, and girls nights out, the invisible force between them only grown stronger. Somehow acknowledging their friendship out loud made it seem more solid. Precious. As important to her as her love for Gold, but in a different way.

“Now stand up,” Emma said, fishing into her pocket for a crumpled tissue. “I wanna see this dress!”

Belle shot to her feet and smoothed the skirt, her fingers fluttering around the waist and hips while Emma zipped up the back.

“I love it,” she said, motioning for Belle to twirl around.

“Really? You don’t think it makes me look like a medieval strumpet?”

“Hell no!” Emma whistled as Belle turned around again. “You’re stunning. All we need now are Spanx and shoes. And maybe some lingerie for the after-party?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Maybe.” Belle’s face flamed at the thought of wearing a negligee for Gold. “What about you?”

“We’ll get to me after lunch.” She patted her still-flat tummy. “There’s a place down the street serving yummy cheese-covered waffle fries and this kid wants some now.”

Belle’s stomach growled in answer. “Lead the way.”

Their waiter was clearing the lunch plates at the café when Belle heard a knock on the window. She did a double-take as her father waved through the glass with a sheepish smile. Her turkey club sandwich, which had tasted so delicious a few minutes ago, now lodged in her stomach. What was he doing here in the city?

“I’ll grab the check, Belle. You go talk to him,” Emma urged. “If I see things are getting bad I’ll come outside and rescue you.”

Nodding, she gathered her coat and made her way outside, wondering what would bring her father looking for her in Portland of all places, when she hadn’t seen him once on the streets of Storybrooke in the three weeks since she’d moved out.

The air was frigid even in the sunshine, and she seemed to grow colder with every step she took toward her father.

“Daddy?” She wrapped her arms around herself to keep from reaching for a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s the Portland flower show.” He brushed a bit of pollen off the sleeve of his coat. “I was in the neighborhood and saw you having lunch in the window.” “Ah.” Her dad attended the vendor-focused flower exhibition every year. She should have prepared for the possibility of running into him in town, but she’d completely forgotten it was this weekend.

“We haven’t heard from you in weeks, darling. Edith was devastated when you collected your things and left us.”

Belle gave a noncommittal grunt and thrust her cold hands in her pockets. Edith was devastated? Perish the thought her own father actually missed her.

“Marco treating you well?”  he asked gruffly.

“Like family,” she retorted, her voice carrying a sharpness she hadn’t intended.

Her father’s face paled and she instantly regretted her tone. There was no call to be so mean-spirited, especially when it somehow succeeded in making her feel worse instead of better.

He sniffed. “Will we see you for Thanksgiving?“

Belle looked into the clear blue sky, distancing herself from his hopeful gaze. "Marco’s cooking a huge feast, so I’ll be eating with him and Gold and the Cassidys.“

“Christmas?“

She blew out an exasperated breath and hugged herself again. “Let’s push through one nightmare holiday at a time, okay?“

He huffed. “I didn’t realize things had gotten so bad.”

“Are we still talking about holidays, or are you referring to other bad situations?” She thought back to the horrible family dinner she’d put Gold through when she’d tossed a roll at Edith’s head and stormed out. “I can’t live like that anymore. I won’t.”

“You’ve changed, Belle. Is this…is this Gold’s influence on you, then?” He seemed to deflate before her eyes, this giant of a man shriveling down to a pathetic shell. “When did you become this way? So stubborn. So willful.” His lips shook as he spoke. “If your mother were alive, she…”

“But she’s not, Daddy,” Belle interrupted. “Mother hasn’t been with us for years. She’s not here to tell you what to do and what to say, and for that matter neither is Edith. You’re the one who changed. It’s as Erskine said, you don’t even see me. Maybe you never did.”

“Belle!” Emma jogged over to the rescue, her breath a white cloud in the cold afternoon air. “Hey, Mister French. We really gotta get going if we’re going to finish shopping and I promised Henry I’d be home in time to tuck him in.”

“Great. I’m freezing anyway.” She looped her arm through Emma’s and mustered a sad, parting smile for her father. After years of trying to gain his attention and approval, she wasn’t sure when she would see him again and at the moment, she didn’t care. “Take care of yourself, Dad.”

###

[pixiealtaira]

Checking It Twice

Hummel Holidays day 19: shopping 2016

pairing: Kadam of course...

“What do you want for Christmas, Adam?” Kurt called from the kitchen as he was making lunch one afternoon.

“It’s August.  I haven’t thought about it.”

“Can you think about it so I can finish my shopping list?  I mean I know I’ll have to add some things closer to Christmas, but I’d like my main shopping done by the start of October.”

“You’re doing your Christmas shopping now?” Adam asked.

Kurt snorted.  He came out and stood next to where Adam had been working on a paper.

“I started my Christmas shopping for this Christmas on the 26th of December last Christmas.” Kurt said. “I get better deals this way.  In May, I found 80 dollar cashmere scarves on sale for 6 bucks…men’s scarves.  They also had hats and gloves, good gloves, on sale as well.  And 90 dollar women’s basic longer length cable knit sweaters in nice solid colors…for 2 bucks.  No snags or holes or anything…just out of season.  But Carole doesn’t care and neither do most girls I know, so those were a great find.  And I got the Kitchen aid mixer Carole’s been wanting…for 1/3 the price because the color is now out of fashion.”

“Well, there are some board games I’d like to get…and I’ve been wanting to pick up my cello again but I need lessons and haven’t gotten around to getting those.  And my cello won’t be getting here until Christmas when it comes with my family.  Oh…my family will be here, so tickets to things we could do.”

“Your family will be here?” Kurt said quietly.

“Yes.  Remember, I asked if you were staying so you could meet them?”

Kurt nodded.

“I think I thought you meant over Skype or something.  I need names and likes and lists, Adam. I need lists!  Who will be here?  Who is staying in England?  Sizes? Colors they look good in? Allergies?  Kids?  Kids will need presents under the tree.”  Kurt was sounding more and more frantic as he went on.

“Darling, Hush now!” Adam said.

Kurt stopped and breathed deeply.

“It’s just…I have to make a good impression, Adam.  I love you…and if they don’t like me, then what?” Kurt asked.

Adam smiled and pulled Kurt down to him, kissing him deeply before pulling back and kissing Kurt’s nose. “I would tell them all where to go. I love you and my family’s opinion won’t change that. Got it?”

Kurt nodded. “Got it.”

“Grab a pencil…and some paper.” Adam said, pushing Kurt up again.  He waited until Kurt was back with a notebook and pulled Kurt into his lap fully.  “Now, number one…everyone is flying in so not a lot of things or a lot of big things. I’d tell you nothing at all, but I know you my dear…and that would not happen.”

“Hey!”

“Can you actually convince me otherwise?”

Kurt shook his head.

“I thought not. Number two...you, my love, are helping me entertain them for TWO WEEKS…consider that.”

Kurt nodded.

“And finally…my family already adores you because I believe you hang the moon and the stars and that the sun revolves around you. You wouldn’t need to get them anything. However…my family are such huge tourists.  Seriously…get them all New York things and everyone would be happy.  Anything with New York splattered across it.”

Kurt glared at Adam, who laughed.

“You can glare at me now…but when the littles are looking at you asking for a New York bottle opener…you’ll see.”

“Bottle opener?” Kurt asked.

Adam nodded. “It had an apple on it.  Their mother intervened…it was pokey.”

Kurt laughed.

“So…who will be here?”

“My mother and father, my grandparents, and two of three siblings and their families.  Ava is the only one who will not be able to make it.” Adam said.

“Ava is the one closest in age to you, right?” Kurt asked.

“Yes, she is taking classes during the winter break. She is two years younger than me.”

“Close to my age, then?”

Adam nodded. “Emily is four years older than me and she has three kids.  Twins, Piper and Philippa and  Thor.  Thor is about a year and half…and the twins turn four in January.  Her husband is Ashton. Paul is seven years older than me. He has Evelyn who is seven and Joselyn who is five.  They are from his first marriage.  His current wife is Pansy.  She brought with her Luke.  He is seven as well.  They have Briar, who is maybe 6 months…but I don’t think even that old…and they’ve been married three months.”

“Is Paul’s first wife in the picture?”

“No.  They were divorced when she died though…and the girls hadn’t even lived with her alone.  She died here in the states from a drug overdose.  She left Paul only a few months after Joselyn was born…just took off one day.  There is actually a wife between the girls’ mum and Pansy…but they didn’t have kids.”

“What do the kids like?”

“Evelyn loves to read. She asked for those American Girls books?  I don’t know what they are…”

“Historical fiction.  They have dolls, too.  They wear period clothing, sort of.”

“Anyway…she is fascinated with those.  Last I knew, all Joselyn liked was swords. I’ll have to ask my mum if her tastes have broadened. Luke hates everything. Piper and Philippa I have no idea about other than Philippa will only wear yellows and purples and black and jeans. Piper wears everything.  Not a clue about Thor…they were here last December but Thor was not even sitting up on his own yet.  He is no longer bald.  That I do know.  I’m not sure I’ve even seen more than one picture of Briar…and that was right after she was born. Pansy is high maintenance. Paul is just high strung…that one needs a real vacation. Ashton’s a bit of a snob and Emily is just….Emily.”

“What ever does that mean?”

“She would say that she is forgettable.  She isn’t very good at anything or very bad at anything.  She isn’t ugly or beautiful.  Just is just average in all she does.  Emily manages…she manages her family and mom and dad and the grandparents and clubs and community gatherings and parties and events.  And she organizes.  A bit like you in that area.  I bet she has her shopping nearly done as well.”

Kurt nodded and wrote down notes of everything Adam had told him.

“I suppose it is good that I have Black Friday between now and your family visiting.  Now…about your folks and grandparents…those might even be more important that your siblings and their kids.”

“My Nan is a bit…chipper. Much to chipper for her own good or anyone else’s really.  Da says she was always that way and people had just best get used to it and don’t ever make her cry because it breaks everyone’s hearts until she is cheery again.  She likes chocolate, but not American so don’t go with that.  She likes warm and soft and fizzy things and paints and scrapbooks in an elaborate fashion.   Pops likes gardening and has a small professional photography business.  He takes photos of people’s pets.  Rarely people.  My father is of course a barrister and plays in the symphony orchestra. Da likes darts and would like to go bowling while here and also try out laser tag.”

Kurt chuckled.

“My mum likes quilting and singing, but she does neither very well.  She is good at cooking and works at a local bakery. She wants to be that Duff cake guy when she grows up…her words not mine.  She is an avid reader and will read pretty much anything. Her father is a retired professor and taught anthropology.  He specialized in the Romans.  Her mother taught as well, in primary school to the littlest ones.  She likes Darts and is a card shark.  They go gambling at least twice a year somewhere and my grandmother almost always comes home with more than they went with.”

Kurt smiled.

“They sound nice.”

“They sound a wee bit nuts, because they are.  But they already adore you and will love you completely before they go home…and then drag you with us on next summer’s excursion. Mother wants to go to a rodeo…and all the grandparents want to see some of the more famous national parks. They’ve been saving for years and years.”

Kurt laughed.

“I’ve never been to any of them. It could be fun.”

“We’ll have to hike with youngsters and buy souvenirs.”

“We should see if my dad and Carole want to go to, if your family still likes me at the end of the two weeks.  He’s always wanted to go to Mount Rushmore and Yellowstone.”

Adam beamed. “That would be wonderful.”

“So…will you help me with the shopping for them?”

“Of course, love.  I actually adore shopping with you.”

Kurt beamed.  “Now, what do you want for Christmas?”

Adam laughed.

“You, and a stocking full of goodies just for us and a hide away to play with them for a week…but that will have to wait for after Christmas…so…all I want for Christmas is you.” Adam sang the last bit to Kurt.

Kurt groaned. “Cheesy, my dear heart.  Now you are getting socks and underwear.”

Adam pulled Kurt in for more kissing.  “Don’t care if I have you, too.  Is lunch done?  Or rather…can lunch be postponed until…oh…a few hours from now…after we have retired to the bed for playtime and then come back out?”

Kurt smiled.  “I was just making sandwiches and they can be put in the fridge.  Let me up and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.  We should have a more in depth discussion about what you’d like in your stocking after all.”

Adam released Kurt and watched as he sauntered to the kitchen.  He saved his paper and raced to the bedroom…he had a few examples of things he’d like in his stocking to find before Kurt joined him.

[maatikikhushboo]

2017 - My Take

So, finally, I am back on TUMBLR after an unreported absence for almost two months. Life had become so consuming: a couple of competitive exams which paved way for my admission into higher studies lasted for almost 3 months and many more important commitments which were just gulping down my whole time and attention. The result - my virtual life had to take a backseat for some time. I was terribly missing this platform and I am glad that ultimately I am able to make it. And I know, I know that I am terribly late for this post, but I had to write this post because 2017 needed a joyous farewell from my side.

I have been watching these shitty Hindi television shows for almost a decade now. Terming them as shitty, somehow, has not been able to terminate my viewership and to my astonishment they continue to be one of my sources of entertainment till date. Despite the availability of Cable TV, as a child, I had an antenna fixed at the terrace of my house. Doordarshan was the only channel which was a primary source of entertainment and infotainment as well. I used to watch Rangoli (which I still do), News, some couple of light hearted shows like Tu Tu Main Main, Shaktimaan, Bongo, crime & thrillers (Aap Beeti, Suraag), Mythology (Om Namah Shivaay), Surabhi, Subah Savere, etc. The channel provided me a whole package. Parents surveillance was not needed to watch TV at that times.

However, after some time, other channels were installed into my television set. We surfed through other options and then found reality shows, CID,KBC, Sa Re Ga Ma and many more shows like Yatra, Shararat, Karishma ka Karishma etc. (I am suffering from a super loss of memory right now, so please pardon me for not listing the shows by their timeline). Slowly, daily soaps came into picture starting from Kasauti Zindagi Kay and all the other stuff (Thank God that I can’t withstand dragging, otherwise I could have been a victim of those shows for years together). I never had patience to watch any of them for years together unless they were worth it. I would watch say only season one or two of a TV show.

As a teenager, I was a nerd and an introvert. However, that didn’t stop me from getting attracted to this fictional cobweb. I was oblivious of the nature of these fictional shows. Fictional shows are inspired from reality but they are not reality. I used to get so attached to the leads and their onscreen chemistry. The mini drama queen inside me used to live those characters and sometimes imagine myself in their shoes and weave stories in my head. If a show’s story didn’t go the way I imagined in my head, or say a couple I shipped didn’t end up in the story or real life, or a person playing a character was not like she really was, I used to get disappointed (LOL). Little did I know that all these were just fictional stints and ratings was the end game. Also, that the onscreen personalities were very much different from the off-screen personalities.

As I grew up, my outlook towards them changed. As a mature individual, I started regarding them as pure entertainment with no strings attached. Meanwhile this transformation, I was experimenting with historical and mythological shows. I found out that the trend was same even for that genres. Yet that didn’t stop me from watching them. It’s just that I stopped getting attached to them. They stopped affecting my real life. Me and my mom, used to discuss these things actively in the past. We both used to sit together and watch serials. Later, my mom realized that it’s useless to spend our valuable time for those shitty shows and now she rather prefers “Arnab shouting on Republic” to daily soaps. (Our past common list includes all the Imagine TV serials, some handpicked ones from Colors, Star, Zee, Sony, 9X, Star One, etc.)

Some would say that I am having a kind of addiction. Addiction is watching the same shows because you must even if the plot is stale, even if you have the option of changing the channel with the remote in your hand, yet you don’t. It becomes a daily routine. That is not the case with me. I only watch the stuff I like and make proper use of my remote! My friends wonder that why am I a sucker for these serials. The answer would be - The heart wants what it wants and my heart needs its dose of fictional shit. I know it would be so insensible of me to speak like this even after mentioning all the side effects about them myself in the above paragraphs of the same post. I love them! It’s not addiction. I guess it’s a manufacturing defect which developed this perennial disease called “eternal love for daily soaps(ELDS)”. I genuinely feel that apart from books, films, TV serials are the ones who perhaps have played a small yet important role in enhancing whatever creativity I have which my parents often deny. Today, I hardly get remote to watch my shows. They prefer channels like EPIC (which even I love watching), SAB TV, News channels, music channels and DD of course!  All thanks to the digital platforms that I catch up my shows *winks*

The bimaari of weaving stories in my head, interpreting characters, their reactions were the things that didn’t change till date. I was and I am greedy for these creative discussions and thus joined India Forums in 2013. Discussions were fun then because there was less reachability through social media. Then slowly, much to my dismay, the platform got filled with full of condescending people. People started taking “freedom of expression” too literally. Social media & Forums have become a place for open fandom wars. I agree that one can express their views openly there. They can appreciate or make fun of the couple or show (because one can’t keep that fictional stuff inside their heart for longer periods of time and that they need to let it out of their chests) without throwing personal insults or severely bashing actors or the creatives. Everyone has their own personal life and job to do. Actors and PH earn their money. But what we get from this biting sarcasm games is headache and irritation. Sometimes, when I see fans desperately asking the creatives, I see a younger version of me in them, who was deceived and dejected, a victim of rating business. That’s why I hardly reside there.

I badly needed a place apart from IF and SM where I could put forth my views openly. And, TADA ! I found that Tumblr was just tailor made for my needs. Thanks a ton, to my friends @cuckoldedbyddlj and @sitaaronkepaar for suggesting me to shift my den to TUMBLR.  2017, I hereby express immense gratitude for being so prolific. You have been so good that I could achieve many milestones in my life. I passed out as a graduate, successfully landed into a good job, scratched that job opportunity and decided to pursue higher studies, got addicted to Smule, watched some decent daily soaps like KRPKAB, got charmed by RiKara only to get detoxified of Ishqbaaaz from my system later, started making GIFs, started watching YUDKBH, and the list is endless. I would love to thank you for proving my stand right that shipping the female lead (protagonist) is always the best thing (Thank God that I never fan followed a male lead/the actor just because of his looks or attitude/character). Lastly, thank you for bringing TUMBLR into my life and giving me small mercies. Thanks to everyone who tolerates the stupid stuff posted on my blog and hits a note for my posts !!!

I wish that 2018 is supportive towards my new resolutions and makes my journey more beautiful. Happy New Year everyone (belated). 

Cheers, L !

[beautifulramblingbrains]

Bound By Honour - Chapter 3

Pairing: Eric/OC *Sarah* Fandom: Divergent/Insurgent Rating: M -

Eric has the best hand in all the factions, but can’t seem to get to grips with his life as a parent to two grown Dauntless members. The honour is passed to Sarah as she battles with the woes of an unruly daughter and a wayward son. Balanced with a intricate web of personal struggles and outsiders, can they stop their family from falling apart?

A/N: Here to bring your daily portion of drama.

Tags: @singingpeople @equalstrashflavoredtrash @pathybo@beltz2016 @ariwolff14 @lostinthebeans @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995@jojuarez26 @tigpooh67 @mom2reesie @lilu46 @murmelinchen

The factionless camp is a plot just outside of Amity. It’s pretty large, spread with brick houses from old buildings as far as the eye could see. It had its own guarded entrance, the dauntless camps made from dark green tarpaulin tents starting from either side of it and running parallel to a flimsy wire fencing. Jack remembers the debate on whether they needed to be fenced in anymore. It seemed as though anyone could scale it if they tried; even a small child, and the factionless plowed the fields of Amity freely during the day anyway.

The reason why Eric hadn’t authorized to lower the fences, is because he thought that if the did, it would give the Factionless ideas on becoming a whole independent unit - and he didn’t want that, not from people who he saw as wastes of space. He said ‘oppression with a society like theirs was vital’, and stuck by it. Though, he could agree that their help in Amity made the seasonal weather changes and the forever increasing requests on produce far easier to maintain and reach each year.

“Assholes and elbows, everybody out!” A senior officer commands at the back of the truck once they come to a stop. It’s every man for himself, everybody rushing to grab their equipment and exit without being the last.

Jack is marched with the other new faces to a freshly bleached-smelling tent with cots of beds lined symmetrically either side. Men and women shared; not that that was unusual. Everything is basic, everything is bland, and it is cold. Jack breathes in deeply, trying to forget the ebbings of homesickness already cursing him, and locates a bed.

“Consider yourselves lucky with having the rest of the day off. We rise at zero-six-hundred hours!”

Next to each bed, they are given a small line of drawers for their things and a dim lamp which was already on for their arrival. Jack decides it’s best to settle himself in, make it as comfortable as possible, put his clothes away at the very least. Dumping his rucksack on the bed, he begins unfastening the straps.

“You’re the Coulter’s boy.” An unfamiliar voice has Jack peer up to a guy probably younger than him. He appears to be claiming the cot directly next to his, but facing him from across his bed, nonchalantly copying with unpacking.

“It that obvious?”

The guy studies him closer. “Your shoulder-width sure says so.”

Jack smiles to himself. If only he knew though how much he loathed his father’s influence over him. “You already know who I am then, is there any point in introducing myself?”

“No, Jack,” the guy jokes. “The names Ryan but I go by Chip too.” Jack’s frown is so unique to his father and it urges Chip to continue. “Chipped my bottom tooth when I hit the net the moment I jumped into Dauntless. It’s quite a funny story actually. As I landed, my first flew up weirdly into my mouth with the momentum and tapped my bottom tooth. Usually it’s the top, but no, nothing is ever normal for me.”

“I can relate to that,” Jack mentions.

“I called out something like ‘I chipped my tooth!’ and they wrote down Chip. Voila.”

“They didn’t let me choose a new name. It was already Jack the moment I jumped.” And if he had his second chance, he’d call himself Ardvard to really piss his dad off. He keeps himself concentrated on folding his clothes and putting them in the drawers so he couldn’t show his frustration.

“You also didn’t choose to be here, did you?”

Jack doesn’t like the fact his emotions must be so readable, narrowing his eyes at this chatterbox next to him.

“Fine, I’ll keep my mouth shut.” Chip puts his hands up in apology. “I won’t talk anymore and let you fester.”

At the bottom of Jack’s rucksack, he pulls out his headphones at long last, placing them over his ears and playing music while falling back on top of the sheets, covering his eyes with his forearm.

Chip merely scoffs and shakes his head. If he wanted to sulk for his entire time here, it’s going to be a really long month for him.

Sundays are usually Eric’s day off. He’d maybe go to the gym for a little longer than usual, eat with his family at lunchtime, cut his hair, watch Sarah in the shower, maybe toss himself off afterward with plans to screw her later. But no. It’s different today, and for the first time, he doesn’t know whether he should continue on with the usual by the way Sarah blanks him 

He doesn’t like it.

He watches her flit through the kitchen, cleaning each surface twice; even after she touched or moved anything. He even watches her fill the washing machine with annoyance while his coffee grows cold on the table in front of him.

Eventually, April brings the distraction he needs. In baggy sweats, she places herself next to him with some terribly pale face. He pushes his cold coffee towards her. “Heat it for me,” he commands. She does groan in agitation but does it none the less, only to slouch back next to him straight after.

“Mom, I need something to eat.” April uses her whiny, soppy voice full with hopefulness.

Sarah barely looks at her. “Do it yourself.”

Eric and April share a glance. He then lifts his chin, taking a breath before speaking. “I think the kitchen is clean, sweetheart.”

“It won’t clean itself. And April, before you go anywhere, you will tidy your room.” Sarah still doesn’t acknowledge them when she passes, disappearing into Jack’s vacant bedroom.

“Don’t tell me she’s sulking over Jack actually doing something with his life,” April whispers, beginning to lean forward tiredly on her forearms. Eric whacks her to make her sit up straight.

“You were drinking last night?” he asks.

“Of course.” She yawns and it pisses him off. “It was Saturday night.”

“Cut your shitty attitude, go shower, and then go to the gym. You’ve missed breakfast which is your own damn fault.” He sips the coffee quickly. “And that means now, blondie.”

Whether his daughter sensed the tense atmosphere or not, he’s more than happy she doesn’t serve him backchat. He couldn’t deal with her mouth and a wife that has legit gone crazy, and by the sounds of it - throwing the vacuum against any solid surface she could possibly find.

April doesn’t shower, leaving the apartment exaggeratingly yawning no more than five minutes later with her hair in a bun and a large sweatshirt, casually mumbling, “Chow for now.”

Still festering in domestic annoyance, he notices the cable of the vacuum is plugged in the hall, so he casually strolls over and kicks it out, ceasing the endless white noise. As Sarah appears, he smiles viciously. “It’s me.” She doesn’t share his enthusiasm and as she turns he grabs her arm. “What are you doing, Sarah? You’re stressing over nothing.”

“I’m keeping myself busy.” Her cheeks are flushed pink, hair stuck to her forehead. It’s in her eyes though that he can see everything that she’s not saying. She actually looks kind of repulsed by him - that’s not entirely unusual...

“You want to-”

“Haven’t you got somewhere to be?” Sarah’s so blunt it takes him by surprise. She plugs the vacuum back in and he pulls it out like a spoilt child.

“You don’t want me here, fine. I get it. Be angry at me all you like but it’s not going to change anything. Fucking deal with it.” She ignores him, the worst thing she could possibly do. “I’ll go fucking somewhere else!” He flings his hands up exaggeratedly in the air while storming to the bedroom to grab his jacket and collect his phone. He’s still putting it on when he reappears, just as, she again, plugs the vacuum in and disappears into Jack’s room.

That’s when he loses it.

This was always a problem. He was two sides of a coin; one shiny, one in absolute filth that no amount of soaking could clean. He never thought about what he did before he did it, and could never confess the guilt he would feel afterward.

Eric yanks on the stretched cord that lead into the room, not realizing his strength as the vacuum comes crashing out of it, and Sarah lands on all fours in the doorway.

She was fucking holding it.

“Sarah, shit I-” He steps closer as she rolls back onto her ass and leans against the inside wall.

“Get out.” It’s whispered so low he doesn’t know whether he thought it instead. She wipes at her face, still not able to look at him. “Get out, Eric.” The calmness of her voice is more threatening and telling than her words.

He wanted to stay and argue. He wanted to try and get through to her that this wasn’t anything to be worried over. He wanted to say he was sorry and imagined them forgiving each other and moving on. Instead, he does nothing and leaves his little wife be, along with a small fearful voice nagging in one ear that perhaps this was beginning to spiral out of control - out of his control. And he had no idea what he could do about it.

Wedged into a communal shower, the water running black beneath their feet, Jack still finds himself chuckling from time to time. The steam creates a mist high above their heads, voices echoing. He couldn’t have found better people to be with if he tried. Their team effortlessly formed a unique friendship in just one day alone 

“It’s supposed to be the introductory day, instead my ass has been flogged worse than my initiation. In fact, worse than anything I’ve done yet.” Chip scrubs at the thick lines of dirt under his chin with a bar of soap. “I can take beatings, yelling, gun practice for hours on end, but those fields are something else. Those Amity’s must be ripped.”

Jack lets the water pour over his head for a long while as Chip continues rattling on next to him. His eyes slide to the right feeling eyes on him. He’s being watched unsubtly by a girl maybe a year younger, freely letting him see everything; the way her hair drenched over her shoulders and leading to her breasts, the toned abdomen glistening under the water. She smiles at him once he realizes he is staring a little too long and he forcibly smiles back before turning his head to the wall in front of him.

“You have interest…” Chip whispers suggestively.

Jack merely rubs a hand through his short hair, clearing any shampoo left. “Nah…” he drawls. “I need to focus.”

“She really likes you.” Chip is making this conversation too obvious by continuously glancing over to her as he turns under the water. “Jennifer or Jenny, I think she goes by.”

“She could be called ketchup for all I care.”

“You got a girl back home?”

Jack shuts off the shower, grabbing his towel hanging next to him and wrapping it around his waist. “No,” he snaps a little harshly. “I wasn’t sent here to pick up girls.”

His friend shrugs. “May as well have some fun while you’re here though, right? Maybe you should-”

“Maybe you should keep your mouth shut.” Snatching up the bottles of his shampoo from home, he looks Chip right in the eye. “Concentrate on your own business, not mine.”

Again, his friend finds himself holding his hands up. “Jeez, okay…” And Chip watches Jack leave. “Chill…” He shrugs to the girl who disappointedly looks away.

Sarah’s too busy in her preparation for her second meeting with Erudite; papers fanned around her in the boardroom, to notice Blake Hammond watching her from the open doorway. 

There’s a bit of a ruckus from the other meeting rooms and offices; people skimming past, so she doesn’t have the sense to look. But he does. He watches her bite the end of her pen, then down to a flattering pair of heels, letting his eyes run up her patterned stockings to the hemline of the classical A-cut dress she wears that had risen up ever so slightly.

“Knock knock.”

Sarah jumps, her head jerking over towards him. “Oh, Mr Hammond!”

As she stands to shake his hand, he smiles pleasantly at her, closing the door behind him. “Please, call me Blake.”

“Betty was supposed to fetch me when you had arrived. I’m sorry…” she trails off as he rushes to pull out the chair for her to sit back down, grabbing the seat closest to her for himself.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I told her not to bother. Seemed a little too formal.” He remembers the folders in his hand and places them in front of him. “The plans have been drawn.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“It took a while as something far more important came to my attention. Regardless, I tried to get them drawn up as soon as I possibly could because of the issues we had in the last meeting; a lack of information, and I didn’t want it to appear any less important or as if I am wasting your time.”

Sarah shakes her head. “I wouldn’t worry.”

“Good. Well, I’ll dive right in. Of course, I am here for the preparation of the expansion, but also-”

“It still hasn’t been decided if this is actually going to go ahead yet,” she reminds him. The last thing she wanted was him to ride too high on his horse.

She expects some sort of subtle tantrum, but instead, he graces her with one of his unique smiles and unnerving her to no end with a confident stare. “That’s a given.” His words are too smooth, too low. She eventually has to clear her throat and focuses on the papers in front of her. “What I was going to say, is that there is a more damning problem I’ve stumbled across. It’s not the most pleasant of subjects, but I think you will agree that is indeed the most urgent.” Blake pulls out a small-scale map and passes it to her.

It’s a complete maze of runways and the layout of the factions. It’s hard to distinguish exactly what he is referring to. She hates to admit it. “What am I looking for? You can’t expect me to see what you see by handing me an unnoted map, Mr Hammond.” Sarah lays it flat to allow him to clue her in.

A smirk plays on his lips that she doesn’t see as he leans closer. “Our three factions; Erudite, Dauntless, and Candor have the same waste system under the cities grounds. Abnegation’s is veered off on a single system on a much smaller scale, and Amity runs with the land in the opposite direction.”

“...Okay.”

“The system has sat underneath us for countless years, adapted to our city.” With his two index fingers, he positions off a section on the map. “The problem is here. This is the evacuation.”

“That’s beyond the wall.”

“Yes. It’s collapsed,” Blake states clearly. “We need to close it off and redirect it… here,” he points it out. “Before we have a sanitary crisis.”

Sarah now believes she is not fit to deal with Erudite and wishes Eric took this damn project on. “This is a state of affairs that needs to be considered by all the factions. This isn’t an individual problem we can head all the decisions for.” It’s the best response she can come up with under the pressure.

“Your husband, Mrs Coulter, is certainly one person who can head this movement, or at the very least brandish it vital. I mentioned this in a briefing, and it’s actually humorous if I think about it, but the people of Erudite are calling for me to front the repairs and take over some of the cities responsibilities.” He leans back in his chair and puts a hand to his chest. “I don’t want to encroach on your husband's domain. Believe me, I really really don’t. I’m new to this game and my persistence was fighting for what my faction wanted. But this is beyond what we want. This affects multiple factions. I’m just the nose who stumbled upon it.”

Sarah swallows dryly. “So, what do you want me to do about it?” With such a harsh question, she still manages to make it sound pleasant. “Surely if it was that important you would insist on meeting with Eric?”

“I just assumed Erudite business is run through you now. You were both adamant.” Blake is leaning so far back in his chair with a look of expectancy; as if she was about to suggest something completely miraculous. Sarah only feels like she is floundering.

“I will speak with Eric. I’ll make it a priority.” Even she doesn’t recognize her own voice, and with his twitching lips, he also knows that she is at a loss.

“Photos!” Blake suddenly remembers. “I took the opportunity to gain photographic evidence so there is no delay - unlike the last problem we had. A lady like yourself shouldn’t have to venture to the source of the sewers, ma’am.”

“That’s very considerate of you.” As she studies the photos of what looks the mouth of a cave crumbling on one side, she feels his stare.

“Myriad…” he suddenly mumbles causing Sarah to slowly peer up at him.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m going to name the expansion and new parts of the buildings Myriad. I may even name the entire project that. Has a better ring to it, wouldn’t you say?” he asks. She is at a loss for words. He chuckles before adding, “...Almost like the shade of your eyes, what a coincidence. All the myriad shades of blue.” She can’t help but blush, her cheeks tinging noticeably pink. “I’m sorry if I have embarrassed you. I just found it quite fitting. Screams Erudite, don’t you think?”

“Shall we concentrate on the blueprints for the expansion?” Sarah rushes.

“Certainly.” Blake flicks through his papers. “And shall we name the sewer problem Roses?” he mumbles with his eyes still downturned to the sheets in front of him. “I have never been taken with the smell of them.”

“That’s a matter of perception.”

While she is blunt; her tone anything other than amused, he seems to be. “You’re very much right.”

“This guard malarky is a piece of piss,” Chip comments while they watch the buzz of factionless life from inside the pathetic excuse of a fence. “Do you ever think, when the factions were being made, Amity was truly the leftovers; you know, like factionless, so they made another faction to accommodate. 

Chip still peers off into the distance as Jack snaps his head over to him. “You know what, you think too much, that’s your problem.”

“But who really decided that? ...This is the factions, we shall name them this and stuff them with people with these traits.”

Jack kicks a stone out in front of him. “I… mate, I really don’t care. What’s done is done.”

“What do you care about?”

Now that is a tricky question. All of Jack’s thoughts had been on showing he was just as capable as Eric thought. That he could survive without being close to home. And that he was eager to follow his father up the ladder to leadership like he always wanted.

That was a farce. Really in his mind, he’d gone along with it because after initiation and the build-up, life wasn’t so planned out and simple as he thought. He wasn’t satisfied. He didn’t like the idea of leaving home at first but came to see it as a chance to find himself.

However, he still felt lost. “Surviving the month,” seems to be the only logical reasoning he had at the moment. Steeling his jaw, he keeps his sight out in front of him.

“What’s it like being a Coulter kid?” Chip continues regardless of his friend's hostile appearance.

“Privileged.”

“And your mom’s a Stiff. That’s unusual-”

“Don’t talk about my mom.” He’d heard it all before; all the provoking insults, all the slurs against her, and it was partly why he said privileged; intentionally mocking himself over something that had been said before. They couldn’t be any more wrong. “I’m out of here,” he says suddenly, sauntering off towards the main gateway.

Chip looks to and fro between their small chosen group, signaling for them to stay there as he races to catch up. “That’s against protocol! Jack, stop!”

“Stay here then. I’m still patrolling. I’m just doing it over there, through the woods.” He smirks so much like his father over his shoulder. “Taking in the scenery.” He thinks for a moment before adding, “Need a piss too.” As long as Mark or their intakes instructor didn’t see them, no one would bat an eyelid. They were too busy splintering the groups on different activities to pay much attention anyway.

While Jack walks calmly, Chip keeps throwing a look back to the camp, stumbling to keep up and steadying the gun hanging from his shoulder. “I swear, I will point fingers if they find out. I’m not lying, so don’t expect me to.”

“Whatever.” Jack shrugs. They reach the tree line and he thunders straight through, finding a spot to unzip his flies. Whilst he’s pissing, Chip is still a nervous wreck.

“What if there are people out here?”

In annoyance, Eric’s son leans an arm against the tree, still occupied. “ We shoot ‘em. I don’t know, depends.”

“On what?”

Jack smiles to himself, zipping his flies and turning to his friend. “If they shoot at us first.” He begins hacking his way through the undergrowth, ascending a natural bank with the sound of Chip clumsily following. Reaching the top, they come to a lazy pace and Chip soon begins to relax, only occasionally mumbling to himself.

Amity had it good, and so did the factionless now. Jack’s mesmerized by the very tops of the trees swaying above him. Through the parting of them, small dashes of light were thrown down, highlighting bright blue and purple wildflowers. Below him, by his feet, moss grew on fallen logs, some type of mushroom clinging to the base of trees. In passing, he dipped his finger in the sap of a tree, memorizing the feel of the bark under his hand, the waxy layer on small leaves or the furs of the stems. Finally, he crouches down to the track of an animal, a content, honeyed smile on his face from the relaxing atmosphere around him. “The animals are still free, even behind the wall,” he murmurs, completely forgetting that Chip is behind him.

“Thanks.” Confused, Jack peers over to his laxed friend still standing, steadying his gun from swinging as he turned. His face must say ‘For what?’ because Chip runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair before continuing. “You made me remember that there is more than just us here.” Jack doesn’t reply, turning back to measure the size of the print to his outstretched hand. “That we’re lucky to be here now. Well, I’m lucky. If you hadn’t of wandered off I’d still be watching a dusty track road and rubbish skimming the floor.” Jack stands up to look for a trail in hopes of finding whatever it was that had passed through there only shortly before they arrived.

“Stop talking. All anybody and everybody does these days is just talk; nonsense, shit, who has more than me, the weather. Be quiet.”

“Be quiet and listen to nature,” Chip suggests with a blissful sigh.

“No, just shut the fuck up. You don’t have to listen or see or feel what is around you. A quiet mind brings it.”

“Is that why you use headphones?” Chip asks.

“Does it matter at all why I really do anything?”

“You are the most wayward person I’ve ever met.”

“And yet, you still talk endlessly to me.”

Chip shrugs this time, peering down to the ground. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” Jack’s eyes are a deep ocean when he decides to look back up from the forest floor to him, his expression altogether smothering what really rippled through his vast mind.

“We should head back.” The tall Coulter boy stands to his full height but decides to walk side by side this time then trailing off ahead. They walk wordlessly, Chip having taken some incentive from their conversation. Descending the bank they had traveled across for a change of scenery, the break in the trees is ahead of them that would expose the furthermost corner of the factionless camp.

Jack turns his head to Chip as they walk out into the warm rays of the sun, and briefly smiles.

A few shots ping from the floor and off a nearby tree that startles them both, Chip throwing his hands up to a group of Dauntless they hadn’t noticed. “Friendly!” he shouts at the top of lungs. “Jesus Christ!” he pants, nervous laughter breaking his composure, turning to Jack to comment.

Jack Coulter isn’t looking at anything other than his hand pressed to his right shoulder, bringing it away to look at the crimson spilled between his fingers. “I’m hit. I’m hit. They shot me.” His face blanches and he tips backward, losing his footing at the same time Chip grabs him.

“Man down!” Chip calls out to the Dauntless patrol, pulling the strap of Jack’s gun from him and applying pressure, using most of his weight. “You’re good, man, you’re good.” He pleads with the other patrol to hurry up with a swift glance then back to his fallen friend. “Just a flesh wound…” he comforts him.

Sarah doesn’t know the people Eric is talking to. She allows distance between them while waiting for whatever conversation they are having to end. It’s also not the first time in her life she has peered through the window of the gym and training room. Many years ago, when she was just a girl of eighteen, she remembers coming to find Eric here. It’s a weird sensual feeling; a fleeting moment of familiarity, all that might have lived before deemed itself suddenly brand new. She wanted to believe the fingerprints in the dust of the small lip of seal of the window were hers. It was a strangely comforting idea 

When Eric dismisses the conversation, that’s when she makes her break. It’s a sullen, sweaty smell and lighting, various grunts from around the room that she ignores. Eric sees her coming, opting to drop the weights into their holder after only seconds of using them and shows his broad back and admirable lines that she knew of that still managed to pang the small muscles in her stomach.

He’s somewhat breathless when he turns and puts balled fists onto his hip, his vest considerably loose around his neck and a stain of sweat looping down his chest. “Wife,” he addresses her, but it’s not exactly kind.

“There’s… some things we need to talk about. I was hoping to catch you in your office but…” Her brows furrow, glancing at anything but him and crushing the folders to her chest. “...you weren’t there, so I thought you’d be here. So now I’m here.”

“Well, that ain’t obvious,” he snorts to himself.

“It’s something very important. Erudite want some answers-”

“Fuck Erudite. I’m not in the mood to talk right now.” He casually bats the air, opting to sort through the weights and lifts one in practice. “I’m done with work today. I actually thought you may just want to speak to me in general because you’ve barely uttered a word for a day or so. That was a stupid fucking idea obviously.”

“I’m trying-”

“It seems I’m always fucking trying but it’s like hitting a steel gray wall.”

Sarah sighs through her nose. “Please don’t talk over me.”

“Well, I’m getting bored of it. I’m bored of this - shitty tip-toeing.” He scoffs to himself. “In fact, I can’t even tip-toe, my shoulders are too bogged down with other people’s shit and attitudes, along with your…” He flicks a hand up and down her. “Personal issues, or whatever the fuck this is. A day is enough. This is enough.”

“This is enough?”

“Yeah,” he calls out over his shoulder. “It is.” But he’s beginning to sound less confident, trying fruitlessly to distract himself with a plain stand of weights.

Sarah drops the folder from Erudite to the floor. “Then I have had enough of this.” As she turns he’s quick to close the distance and grabs her arm, dragging her back as she fights feebly, her heels scuffing the floor.

“Don’t walk away from me.”

“Then don’t expect me to deal with things the way you do. This may not be a big deal for you, but you could respect me enough, at least, to comprehend exactly how I’m feeling.” She shrugs his hand off of her in a final act of defiance. But before she can fathom what he’s doing, he bends down and scoops up her foot, removing her heel and forcing her to cling onto him with her balance off. “Eric! What!”

“I don’t like these.” He inspects the shoe, then flippantly lobs it over his shoulder. 

Sarah purses her lips, poking at his piercings above his brow while kicking off the other shoe to regain her balance. “I don’t like that!”

Eric pulls her hair out. “I don’t like that fucking bun, never have, and you still wear it more often than not.” He smirks incredibly close to her face, probably intending to intimidate her.

“Your hair looks stupid longer. Cut it,” she pants with the command, blowing hair from her face.

“The thing you do with your eyebrow is condescending,” he mentions and she has no idea what he’s talking about. What thing?

“Oh, you’re a fine one to talk! Your nostrils flaring are.... are.” Her nose scrunches up and she continuously stutters.

“Sarah syndrome strikes again,” he claims. “But while we’re being utterly honest…” his voice drops low and he leans more into her space. “I have to admit, I like it when you do that.”

“Don’t patronize me! Don’t glide your way out of this with your scrambled words…” She looks to his arms. “...and body. That’s not how these things work.”

“How do these things work? What fucking things?” Only minutely he glances behind her, then licks his lips. “...You, er, you checking me out?” Sarah glances behind her to a group of people leaving, and then at the clock above the door. The large room has grown vacant, probably completely aware of Eric and his wife bickering and opting to leave.

“No, Eric.” She waggles a finger, backing up, still barefoot and hair loose. She knew what he was doing; he was twisting this conversation, distracting her. “Don’t!” Sarah hits a stand of exercise equipment behind her. Scrabbling around it, she makes it only to the nearest pillar that ran parallel throughout the large room.

She would gasp if she had time. His hands clamp onto her upper arms, spinning her, pushing her hard enough against the pillar to keep her pinned, but not enough to hurt. “I saw your email about whether I’d spoken to Jack. I have.” He eases up a little, his words softer than before and eyes searching; a sense of normality settling as they stared at each other. “You could’ve asked me that yourself.”

“But we had a fight…” She says delicately, tilting her head in a way Eric loved. A fleeting image of a time when Sarah was younger ignites his blood.

“I don’t know whether this is obvious to you by now or not, but I fight with everybody.” He twirls a strand of her hair around his larger fingers, stroking the side of her cheek, then neck and shoulder, brushing down her cleavage for a moment. “You trust me, don’t you? You trust me to look out for our son and do what’s best? Let me take some pressure away from you.”

Sarah tries to look away but can’t help fluttering back up to him. “That’s the thing, Erudite-”

“Fuck Erudite for tonight. Tell me first thing tomorrow. Just tell me what I want to hear now.”

She rubs her lips together before answering, “Okay, I trust you.” And his smile is radiant. But as she leans towards him, her head cradled sweetly against his chest with strong arms binding around her, that radiant smile drops.

Maybe he should have mentioned that it wasn’t really Jack who he spoke to, but Mark. That there had been an incident where Jack was shot from friendly fire and their son was extremely lucky that the bullet went straight through, missing his vitals, and currently residing in Amity’s infirmary.

Instead, Eric stares out from over the top of her head with a dead expression, knowing that he lied so dishonourably, and says nothing.

[caramel-sandiego]

Four times Crow and Jack did extremely stupid things (and one time they were actually geniuses)

Or

Why women live longer than men

 ---------------------------------------------

#1 Free cable

Aki expected to see a lot of things on her way to see Yusei; trees, dogs, those kinds of things. But one thing she did not expect to see was a ladder on top of a rubber tarp leaning against a utility pole, with Crow on top while Jack stood watch.

“What the hell are you two doing?” She asked them.

“We think the cable companies charge too much, but the new season of Game of Thrones is running soon, so we’re trying to get free HBO.” Crow explained. “I saw this on the Simpsons; its perfectly safe.”

“There isn’t anything good on the channels we actually have on a Thursday afternoon, so this is the only thing we could really think to do.” Added Jack. “If you’re looking for Yusei; he’s inside. That selfish prat won’t help us; says we’re idiots.”

“You two are idiots.” She told them. “I know exactly how this is going to end; Crow is going to fall off that ladder and I’m going to have to use my psychic powers to save him. Just make it quick.”

“If you say so.” Crow muttered, holding up the cord that ran through one of their windows. “Let’s try the red one!”

He received a slight electric shock, but recovered quickly. “Okay, blue one, then.”

This time the shock wasn’t so light. It was so forceful in fact, that it knocked Crow backwards. Just like Aki predicted, she ended up having to use her powers to save Crow from his own stupidity. In order to guarantee she wouldn’t have to do it again, she made sure to also snap the ladder in half.

“The tarp was supposed to protect me, why the hell didn’t it work?” Crow wondered.

“That was our good ladder!” Jack shouted.

“I’m going to see Yusei now.” Aki told them. “Do me a favor, and stop trying to win a Darwin Award.”

 #2 Jack vs. the iron

“Oh, bloody hell, this hurts so much!”

The shouts of his friend snapped Yusei out of his thoughts and back into the real world.

“Why do these things even exist?”

Yusei followed the sound of Jack voice. He was very surprised to see the blond trying to iron one of his shirts, much less while he was still wearing it. Yusei knew he should say something, but he snapped a quick picture with his cell phone first, hoping it might help him get some more Twitter followers if he tweeted it.

“Jack, you know you’re not supposed to iron your shirt while still wearing it, right?” He asked him.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?” Jack shouted. “The stupid iron came with a million warnings, but not one about this!”

Yusei wanted to make a joke about it being common sense to not try and iron your shirt while you were still in it, but Jack looked pretty angry. So he just walked off.

 #3 Eggs

What most people do not know, is that Crow really likes eggs. To the point of obsession, actually. He normally has fried or scrambled eggs in the morning, and a few hard-boiled eggs after work as a snack. What most people also do not know, is that Crow always forgets to boil the eggs ahead of time, and hates waiting for them to boil.

One day, however, he decided to try something new. If the microwave could cook hot pockets in three minutes, why couldn’t it do the same for eggs? He popped three eggs in a ceramic bowl, placed it in the microwave, and set it for ten minutes, before going off to watch TV while they cooked.

Not two minutes later, Crow heard a strange pop sound coming from the kitchen. He walked in, only to find that his eggs had exploded. He groaned; this was gonna be a pain in the ass to clean.

Just as he was figuring out how to deal with the mess, Yusei walked in laughing.

“I was just texted Saiga, and he told me the craziest story.” He told Crow. “Apparently, this one time, he and his friend got drunk, and tried to microwave some eggs. They exploded all over the microwave; he even sent me a picture he took of it after they’d sobered up a bit.”

Yusei finally noticed the microwave, before look at Crow, and then back at the mess. “Please tell me you were at least a little tipsy.”

“Nope; stone-cold sober.”

Yusei walked out without another word.

 #4 The freezer

“That’s just a bloody myth!” Argued Jack. “There’s no way your tongue would get stuck to the freezer if you licked it, otherwise we’d see it on the news.”

Crow shook his head. “No, I saw it in a movie; the kid licked the metal pole in the winter, and his tongue got stuck, its science.”

“That’s just a movie, and even if it did work with a metal pole, it would never work with the freezer; the mechanics are different.” Jack told him. “I’ll show you.”

The blonde pressed his tongue to the wall of the freezer and held it there for a few moments, expecting to be able to remove it easily. When he found out that he couldn’t, he panicked.

“Ha, I was right!” Crow said with a smirk, before changing his tune. “Oh crap, I was right. We need to get you unstuck as fast as possible, so you don’t lose your tongue. In the movie, they just pulled the kid’s tongue off the pole, so I guess you’re just gonna have to do that.”

Jack shook his head. Well, he did the closest thing to shaking his head that someone with their tongue stuck to a freezer could do.

“Okay, I see you’re not too keen on that idea, but I thought of something else that could work; I’ll pour hot water on your tongue and melt it away, sound good?”

Jack seemed more okay with this idea.

Unfortunately, Crow ended up using boiling hot water when just warm water would have worked. Jack got free, but he couldn’t taste anything for a while afterwards.

 Bonus: The time they were actually geniuses

“I can’t believe we never thought of this before.” Said Crow. “Now we don’t have to throw out our blender just because we broke the base.”

“I never knew drills were so useful.” Added Jack.

Just then, Yusei walked in.

“Have either of you see my drill around?” He asked them. “I really need it right now.”

“We’re kinda using it right now, Yusei.” Crow told him.

“I’m afraid to ask what you’re using it for.”

“We’re making smoothes.” Said Jack. “The base of the blender broke, but we figured out how to use the drill to make the blades spin.”

“That’s actually pretty smart. What kind of smoothes are you making?”

“Strawberry banana, you want one?” Asked Crow.

“Sure, I guess I could use a break.” Replied Yusei.

For the first time in a while, Yusei was proud of his friends. The blender thing was genius, especially considering how many times the two of them had almost accidentally died.

[12raben]

Theme Music: Sims - Makin’ Magic - Build6

“Dear Heinrich, I’m so sorry, but this is my last letter. These are the last words, I’m writing to you. We failed at our mission. And I’m to weak to hold on anymore. Nobody survived, but me... your dear grand-father is also gone. This rough coast has to be cursed. Whatever evil force lingers in this deep forest... No, this isn’t true. We weren’t prepared. Our resources are gone. We shouldn’t have been settling here... I know, I requested more settlers and more supplies, so we can survive out here, but it’s vain. Please, return home! Stay away from this wicked place. Whatever knowledge the big head holds, it not worth it. Say good-bye to the family. I love you all.

Your pathetic, but loving grand-ma, Pandorya von Grünbrunn”

When Heinrich found the letter of his grand-mother, he was shattered. The news of Pandorya stopped some weeks ago and it has been making him feel sick ever since. Pandorya was always adventurous and wanted to explore the ancient place, where a mysterious cult built many stone-statues, looking like heads. The gouvernment supported her efforts to establish a camp for explorers. The news of the explorers were confident at first, but as the weeks passed, fear lingered between the lines. And now Heinrich and the other seven settlers were standing in an abandoned camp. Nobody was there, not even a ghost. They brought some resources with them, but their ship was crashed after the first night. The grim winds of the winter were brushing through the pines already... A cruel reminder of the fate of the last settlers... (Gameplay-notes under the cut)

Uuuh, this introduction is pretty dark, isn’t it? Sorry. :p So, as mentioned above: Gameplay-notes. I’m going to follow the rules of nepheris (or at least I’m trying...) I created my founder and settlers with the help of the Sim Randomizer. Nepheris rules include a randomizer for the amount of sims. Since I got just eight sims, I decided to move them into a camp, where they have to spend some time together. This was the moment, when I created the back-story of Pandorya and her company. And I thought: “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool, if the camp was haunted by Pandorya’s ghost? And why would they all stay together in one camp? Unless there is a long dark winter full of despair at the horizon??”

Yeah, I’m such a person...

The seasons of the yet unnamed “neighborhood” are: Winter, winter, spring and autumn. There is no summer, because it’s a cold climate. And that’s why there hasn’t been any sims there. Makes sense, right? This makes it difficult to grow crops. So, I allowed myself to add Sun&Moon’s Giving Tree Set and Garden Crops Set to my downloads. Don’t want my sims to starve.

Basic restrictions

No running water, no electronics. To unlock them the founder has to be a Lobbist. And there has to be a power plant as well as a water source (e.g. a well or a sewage work or something like this. I’m going to figure that out later.) At first I wanted to restrict phones, radios and computers as well, but this is pretty harsh. My BACC assumes there is a working society somewhere far away, so if the settlers have a radio mast, they can watch TV and listen to the radio. (No cable tv for my sims though >_< ) These devices will be unlocked with the power plant. Computers and the might of the internet are restircted however. There has to be an internet-café first. Cars are unlocked, once a car dealership is built. There won’t be any newspapers. I can’t imagine a single company, who would make the effort to deliver a newspaper to the middle of nowhere. Newspaper and Magazines are unlocked, when there is a post office and a journalist in town. All services have to be covered by playables. Christanlov’s All-in-one-NPC is going to be handy (for maids and gardeners etc.) Adoption is unlocked, when an orphanage is built. There won’t be one unless a couple wants to adopt or a child has to live in an orphanage. No foundations or upper floors are allowed. Who could build houses so stable, they won’t get demolished in the rough climate? Excactly, an architect. :) But to become one the founder has to be lobbist. (He is the one, who convinces the goverment to invest more resources and such.) No townies are added. The founder has to be campaign manager first. No buy/buildmode-usage. Let me explain: When I build a house, it will have the necessary items. And when a family desperatly needs furniture (e.g. for babies, new roommates or because of a fire) I will use these modes. But for “luxury”-items like additional paintings or stereos or bars, only on day one of a rotation the modes are avaiable. (The time, I imagine, when new supplies come.) Unless there are 3 diffrent owned businesses in town. (Or maybe just one shop for furniture? I don’t know. Maybe... We will see.) No pleading with grim reaper is going to happen. I always thought, this opption should be restricted to sims with a special ability. I also read a couple of rule-sets for an apocalypse-challenge. I liked the idea, that pleading with the grim reaper is only allowed, when a sim reached the top of the paranormal career. So, I copied it. Hopefully I won’t regret that... No community lots (also No home-businesses, that sell anything other than produce or craftable items etc.) To unlock them, the founder has to become Campaign Manager. It has to be eighter bought by a playable sim or built with city funds. (I figured it out like this: The founder buys the community lot. With Cjon’s mod he is able to donate the lot back to the community. Like this the money is going to the right place and I don’t have to keep track of prices and stuff.) No downtown/hobby lots are available. Once the founder becomes mayor a proper connection to the city is built. It costs 500.000$. No university can be accessed. The teacher of the town has to reach the top of the education career. It costs the town 500.000$ to access further education. Students will pay a loan to city funds each semester costing 2.500$. (10.000$ in total) Students also have to have an internship in their future profession. (Meaning: The student has to go to a community lot in their last semester before graduation. And stay there at least 10 hours. He/she doesn’t have to work there, just befriending staff, getting to know the place etc.) No shopping districts can be added. The population has to reach 25.000 sims to start construction. It costs the town 1.000.000$.

Career restrictions can be read in nepheris rule-set. I added a few custom careers, which I liked, but I will wait until there is a sim for the job before I explain the restriction. This post got to long already XD

Taxes

Households are divided into tiers based on their total funds. Again I copied nepheris, but in my first attempt the money flow was so slow, I decided to double the taxes. Hey, free roads in the long winter have their price! :p I also added another tier for super rich sims. Families with funds over 300.000$ belong to the Richi-rich-society. (Am I not creative...?) Taxes are paid at the end of every season. Based on the number of sims in that household, taxes are:

High society: 2.500$/Sim

Upper Class: 2.000$/Sim

Middle Class: 1.000$/Sim

Lower Class: 500$/Sim

Poverty: 200$/Sim

Population

+1 for every community lot

+7 for downtown

+7 YA for university

+12 for shopping district

The Sim Multiplier is a concept I really like! Though it takes some effort to keep track of it...

Ok, that’s it! I’m good to go... JFC, that took way longer, than I expected... XD

Happy simming!