#then the next day i called an ambulance anyway lol

[wolvertooth]

ok so im scrolling thru my photos n its just like--

july 25th, reading origins n me drawing the first draft of lynx😇✨

july 26th, hospital. iv in my arm.

[marsbotz]

i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!

[tragedienes]

hey y’all! i’m at work but i’m gonna try to do a few replies even though formatting on my tablet is a biiiitch. i need a distraction tho because the last thing my (former) manager did before he quit was screw me over and schedule me for ten goddamn days in a row...... so yeah i’m gonna try to channel my murderous energy into writing!

[ccalhoun]

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carlisle cullen x m!werewolf! reader

warnings: male reader, werewolf reader, imprinting, twilight lore, omegaverse?, forbidden love, reader gets hit by a car lol, love confessions??, esme doesnt exist (still love her tho)

wc: 2.1k

cut for length!

you drove into town in your dad's truck, old and slow. your family hated going into town, and you never understood why, which is why you were on a sort of errands run for them. of course you knew of the cullens in all of their vampire-ness but you never found it as much of a problem, what were the chances you'd run into them anyways?

the laundry list of things to do was long, longer than you'd expected, so last minute you called your friend jess to help keep you company on your long day ahead of you. you picked her up from her cute but humble house and headed towards the first place on your list, newton's olympic outfitter's. "aren't you and one of the newton boys together? mike, right?" you asked as you looked at the list on the seat next to you while pulling out of jess' driveway. it'd been awhile since the last time you'd hung out even though you considered jess to be one of your closer friends, the reservation didn't get good enough phone reception to call as frequently as she wanted.

"uh, no, we broke up actually," she mumbled quickly from the passenger seat next to you. "oh, damn, sorry. what a bitch," you added the last part jokingly, trying to cheer up from the topic. you both laughed it off and continued the drive until you got there, continuing your conversation as you walked into the store. "i just need to get a few things for my sibling(s) and dad, shouldn't take too long," you assured her as you quickly found the first thing on your list. the day went mostly like this, stopping by random shops for the few odd items before the final store on the list, just getting a few groceries that are cheaper to buy in forks. you entered the store and followed the routine as normal, getting whatever you needed and getting out as soon as possible.

caught up in your conversation with jess, you hadn't even noticed the small red car speeding through the parking lot. everything happened so fast all you can remember is walking with jess, hearing her scream, and then being on the ground of the parking lot. "tyler! what the fuck is your problem!" jess yells, you only vaguely hear it before she rushes over to help you sit up. "at least call an ambulance asshole, don't just stand there with your door open!" you heard her yell again before she started to check on you.

before you knew it, you were being taken into an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. the hospital. a shiver runs down your spine and you hear the heart rate monitor pick up its beeping as you realized you're going to the one place in forks where you have been forbidden to go by your family.

you start panicking, trying to get out of the ambulance in any way you can.

"hey, calm down, we're going to put you under for the rest of the ride, okay? we can't help you if you don't let us," you hear the nurse in the back with you say after trying to get you to stop freaking out.

you woke again in a hospital bed, the smell of medicine invading your nostrils immediately and making you sneeze.

"ah, you're awake, and just in time. the doctor's on his way right now." the same female nurse says before finishing up on writing your vitals and waiting for the doctor. your heart drops when you hear her mention him, no doubt it was carlisle cullen. what if he killed you in the hospital, right there, he probably had manipulation powers to make everyone think nothing happened.

"i don't need a doctor, i'm fine, let me go," you rush out as fast as possible while trying to sit up, the action only making you dizzy as the nurse gently laid you back down.

"once the doctor says you're fine you can leave. you only have minimal bruising and a few cuts, you'll be out of here in the blink of an eye," the nurse comforted you, and it seemingly worked as the heart rate monitor went back to normal. you took deep breaths, only a few minutes with the monster and you'd be able to leave and never go into forks again.

you heard footsteps approaching and turned your head to the door, the door knob turned and your heart dropped again, fear pulsing in your veins more than it ever has before. then he stepped into the room and you were filled with a new feeling, your heart started beating faster, and it was like you had tunnel vision on him and him alone. you couldn't hear the busy sounds of the hospital, and you surely didn't notice the nurse standing too close for your liking anymore. the first thing your brain registered was that the doctor had the best smell you've ever encountered, like vanilla, honey, and lavender all at once.

"-use me, sir?" the nurse said, only hearing the last part of whatever she was saying. you adjusted back to reality quicker than you wanted, then you noticed the doctor standing in front you, trying to get your attention for an unknown amount of time.

"cullen," was all you managed to squeak out, staring with wide eyes at the man in front of you. he was better looking than anyone you'd ever seen, like god himself graced the doctor's face. he wasn't what you expected from the stories you've been told. you were told his eyes were empty and loveless, but as you looked at him his eyes were warm and more full of love than a father seeing his newborn baby for the first time.

"i see you're from the reservation, brave of you to come here," his voice was angelic, like he was singing a song only for your ears to hear. you gave him an alarmed look before you could stop yourself, was he threatening you? was your pack right?

"what?" you stuttered out and you were met with a soft, too soft to be real, chuckle and a warm smile from the doctor. "i don't see many of you in the hospital, i was starting to think you've all been avoiding it because of me,"

"they have," your words came before your brain could filter them, his frown was quick and the cutest frown you've ever seen, the kind of frown that made you want to hold him and kiss it away. "sorry, just something the tribe elders told us to do, it's not like any of us hate you," you stumbled over your words, and lied through your teeth. some of the members of your pack hated the cullens like they'd been personally attacked by them. the smile on his lips made your heart skip a beat, which was well documented from the heart monitor you nearly forgot about.

the doctor, carlisle you think, shone a light in your eyes, and then checked your ears, and listened to your heartbeat. his hand was on your chest, and you're sure he could hear the affect it had on you.

"well, good news, you can be released and you already talked to the police so there's no need for you to stay." you didn't think it was possible but your heart dropped again, you'd almost wished you got hurt worse so you could spend more time with him. "i'll finish this paperwork and get it on file as soon as possible, you should be able to leave within the hour. is there anything else you need?" you barely heard the rest of his sentence, still focusing on the fact that you wouldn't be able to stay around the doctor for longer.

"um, would it be possible to talk to you? in private?" you asked sheepishly. you were 110% sure you were imprinting on him, and you were even more sure he was definitely a vampire. you didn't hear any heartbeat, and you were quick to notice his larger than normal canine teeth. your question was met with another warm smile that made your heart restart and a nod.

"yes, of course, let me get you unhooked from the equipment and i'll walk you to my office, okay?" his voice was soft and reassuring, like he knew what you were going through. there was no way he knew that much about werewolves, right? just as he said, he helped you get the various wires off and led you to his office. his door read 'doctor carlisle cullen', you had remembered his name correctly. he opened the door and held it open for you, the gentleman you could only dream of. he closed the door gently but swiftly behind himself.

"please, take a seat. what were you wondering about?" he asked sweetly as he took his own seat and set a few papers before himself. you didn't plan to get this far, you hadn't figured out what you were going to say, so you just said what came to mind first, "i know you're a vampire," your words came out jumbled. he stared at you with a blank look, millions of thoughts racing through his head. you picked up on his reaction and rushed out the rest, "i'm not gonna expose you, everyone in the pack knows," hardly comforting, but better than him thinking you want to ruin his life. he let out a small noise of understanding, and that itself made your heart skip another beat.

"what is it you came here to tell me?" his voice was colder now, but still melodic like he planned his words for centuries.

"i'm sure you know about, you know, the whole werewolf thing," you paused as you spoke, looking at him to gather his reaction, and he nodded to signal you to continue speaking. "do you know anything about... imprinting?" you whispered the last word like it was poisonous.

"ah, you came to ask about that. i can try to help as much as i can, but wouldn't you prefer someone from your tribe to explain it to you?" carlisle's words were soft and understanding, with a hint of genuine curiosity.

"no, uhm, hold on i think i need a minute," you stuttered out, trying to figure out the least awkward way to explain you think he's your soulmate. you thought for a minute, carefully putting a sentence together before speaking again.

"doctor cullen," you started, "carlisle, i think i," your voice was caught in your throat, but you tried your best to finish you sentence. "i think i imprinted on you," you ripped off the band-aid and rushed it out. you stared at your shoes, though you'd rather be looking at carlisle's godly beautiful face. after a moment of silence you peeked a look at his face to gather if he was upset or not. you couldn't pinpoint the emotion on his face, shock? fear? anger? your heart started beating at an irregular pace again, "i-i'm so sorry, i'll go," you felt tears in your eyes and started to gather the small bag of belongings you were given before his voice stopped you.

"no, no, you're okay. i'm sorry, i didn't know that was possible," for once his words didn't seem as well thought out, it was jarring but his words flowed together as beautiful as always. "and you're sure?" he asked.

"yes, i think, i don't know. i haven't felt this way before, it's just like it was described to me. like you're the only person who actually matters anymore," you spoke freely, which surprised you.

"hm, well, i'm new to this too, we can figure it out together," carlisle's voice was warmer than ever, you felt like a blanket was being placed over you. you smiled and were going to stand up when he was suddenly standing right next to you, you jumped slightly and he let out a playful laugh, his laugh was beautiful, like angels singing in a choir. "apologies, forgot to warn you,"

you stood up and hugged yourself to him, his arms wrapped around you in the best hug you've ever had. he was cold, but you were sure you were warm enough for the both of you. you never wanted to separate from it, and let out a whine when he pulled away, surprising yourself more than you thought you could today.

"i'll tell the hospital something happened with one of the kids and we can talk about this more, if you're okay with it," you agreed quickly, the other patients could wait, how much trouble could happen in forks while you hog him for a little?

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[yandere-sins]

Prisoner #005

a/n: My original idea for this didn’t quite work out how I wanted but what’s new with this project. Anyway please enjoy some insane!Scaramouche because why not lol

Fandom: Genshin Impact Characters: Yandere!Prisoner!Scaramouche x GN!Reader Warnings: Yandere, Violence (Violence towards the reader, Scratching, Intimidation, Threads, Insults, Cornering and intruding on personal space, Mentioning of a hit-and-run, Mentioning of murder), Long Post

[Prison Project Introduction | Pinterest Moodboard]

You always tried to live your life in a way you wouldn't regret it.

That was, until the accident.

Whenever you closed your eyes, your brain forced back memories of it as if it was happening right that second. The feeling of a body colliding with the hood of your car. The shock and surprise that tensed every muscle in your body when a person suddenly jumped in view of your headlights. The sound of bones breaking against the metal and the way crimson blood smeared all over your windshield. Logically you knew back then what to do—call an ambulance, explain yourself to the police, and say it was an accident.

So why did you bail? Swerved your car around and drove home in a panic, the alcohol in your blood screaming at you like a drill sergeant to get a move on. That alone should have been enough regret to carry for the rest of your life, but one evil always followed another.

You had never heard of the Fatui before, something they quite appreciated as they didn't want their identity to be known. But when two people rang your doorbell the next day, intruding in your home and sitting you down for a 'talk', you knew it was over for you.

Now, you were wondering why you ever accepted their 'deal'. They blackmailed you—sure, threatening to go to the police about the car accident if you didn't do as they said. They took care of your car, destroying all that linked you to the accident, but you got caught doing their dirty work anyway. Now it wasn't just one person dead and one in regret. Now it were two dead, and your life was effectively ruined. You'd not see the light of day anymore outside prison walls until you were too old to do anything with your life. If that wasn't bad enough, you were sent to the shittiest prison in the country, so you'd never forget you belonged to the scum of the earth for your doings.

Part of you really wanted to get a grip on yourself and stop the tears from falling endlessly. But no one would have believed the pain you were in. After all, you weren't the two people you killed and the many more families you left behind to mourn them. Still, after all you've been through, you had always held on to the hope that things would get better. That somehow, your life would turn around, and you could at least continue to live out your regrets in peace.

Scaramouche's hand slammed into the cemented wall next to your head, and you flinched—hard. "Stop crying!" he spat in your face, his voice like a jackhammer to your eardrums with how close he was standing. You flinched, squeezing your eyes shut and biting down on your lip to restrain your sobs. That was when you realized things would never calm down as long as you lived. You'd never have the peace you were desperate to achieve.

"I can't stand people like you! Spineless, worthless vermin being so sorry about what they did out there!"

His words, as sarcastic and true as they were, felt like blades to your skin, cutting and stabbing away at your vulnerable heart. You tried so hard to hold back your emotions, your body shaking from the strain to keep your tears contained and the bitter, metallic taste on your tongue revealing you were drawing blood while biting down your fear.

Scaramouche was only a codename; you knew that much. He was from the same organization that forced you to do the unspeakable things, and perhaps out of pity, they convinced the guards to room you with him. At first, you had been glad to have someone who shared your experiences, but by now, you weren't sure if it wasn't a cruel joke. He, at least, couldn't be more displeased with you.

Drawing his hand back, he shook his head, running his fingers through his hair as he cursed the Fatui under his breath. "Man, couldn't they have sent anyone more competent for this job? What am I going to do with someone like you? You're as useful here as you were out there! You didn't even kill that guy."

What?

"He's not dead?" you whimpered, sobs cascading off your tongue when you opened your mouth. You didn't try to hold them back as you looked at your cellmate in surprise. No one had given you any information about your victims since your conviction.

"You didn't know?" Scaramouche asked, his expression as condescending as if you were a child he needed to explain this to. "They found him in time, and he made it. Woke up from the coma today. You're looking really pathetic now. Failed and busted, who even hires people like you?"

His words reached your ears, but it was as if he spoke through noise-canceling headphones. The tears brimming your eyelids finally spilled over as a sudden and chilling relief settled inside you. You had no idea what that person you were sent to kill had done to upset the Fatui, but regardless, you were just so glad he made it. Faintly aware of the change on Scaramouche's face as he watched you realize all of this, lost in your own thoughts, you put a hand over your mouth, sobbing into your palm as you slid down the wall at your back.

Knowing that this person would be okay, that you didn't kill them, made everything fate had in petto endurable. You could go through the bullying and violence awaiting you at this prison, knowing you didn't kill this guy, whoever he was.

"What. The. Fuck."

Unfortunately, the things that made you feel relieved and hopeful only upset Scaramouche more. He made one step forward before squatting down right in front of you, his eyes narrowing in anger as he studied your expression, catching on to the little spark of relief in your eyes. "You're happy, aren't you? Ain't it great that you didn't do your fucking job."

Knowing you were treading on dangerous territory, the despair you felt returned, but you were terrible at hiding your feelings even when fear crept up your body again. "I thought I killed him..." you mumbled, not sounding apologetic at all. Your shoulders sagged as the corners of your mouth jerked upwards, clearly showing how you felt. "I really did."

When you let out your breath, you finally mustered the strength to look into his eyes. Fury glazed his gaze, but for some reason, it was warring with another emotion. Strange as it may be, while Scaramouche studied your body, sagging in relief, hopefulness rejuvenating you, he looked more and more... confused.

When he raised his hand, you flinched but quickly regained your composure and closed your eyes. Whatever he was going to do, you probably deserved it. Even if it hurt and you'd regret not fighting against it later, you'd endure your punishment. That was the resolution you came to as you waited for the inevitable pain.

But it never came.

Instead, a thumb, cold and chapped, pressed to your cheekbone, swiping along the bone even when you scrunched up your face in confused preparation for a strike. "Then why do you still cry?" he asked you, his voice an exasperated breath of incomprehension.

Squeezing your eyelids together, you slowly, hesitantly opened one to look at him. His brows were furrowed, and a disgruntled expression was edged into his face. But a child-like curiosity flared up ever so often in his gaze as he studied you as if he could not understand why you felt this way. For a moment, he didn't look so scary anymore. Nothing did. And perhaps, that made you bold.

"Because I'm glad," you explained, reaching up to wipe your eyes, turning your head, so his finger slipped off your skin. "I'm really glad he didn't die. I didn't kill him. Isn't that great?"

When you looked up at Scaramouche, he was staring at his thumb, dampened by the tears he touched. You could see the gears turning in his head as if he had a hard time following your emotional response, and eventually, his glare returned, fixating on you.

"You're so fucking weird. You took a job and didn't finish it. What's so great about that?" he hissed, rising into a stand suddenly. Swinging his foot over you, and for a moment, you expected him to kick you. You closed your eyes, preparing for an impact that didn't come. You heard his steps rather than noticed him walking away, and now it was your turn to be confused by his actions as you watched his back disappear in the distance, the cell door being slammed shut as Scaramouche stalked away angrily, holding his thumb in front of him, separate from his other fingers as if it was offending him.

"Fucking useless... Can't do anything right," he muttered as he departed, looking severely annoyed but never looking back.

Leaving you behind all alone for the first and last time ever since you were brought to this personal hell of yours.

«──────── 🗡♡ ︎𓍝 ────────»

Peace never came.

Scaramouche made himself a bit rarer, sneering and cursing you out when he did acknowledge your presence. However, there were still enough other prisoners and guards to make your life hell. As much as you tried to avoid conflict, it was impossible to tiptoe around every angry person in this prison. Being the newbie didn't help. Things often escalated above the typical bullying that you tried to endure quietly. You could never catch your breath between incidents. Every day you woke up to a new challenge emerging for you. Strangely enough, though, you ended up fine every time, aside from the stress and fear permanently induced into you.

The reason for that? The very same cellmate that tried to avoid you like the plague.

You didn't realize it at first, but whenever a situation grew violent, he'd show up and put people into their place. You never saw someone break bones without weapons, but Scaramouche didn't seem to care that he wasn't as tall or bulky as others, bones breaking under his feet as he stomped down on every finger with glee after he brought the prisoners to their knees. He'd always turn around and bark at you, call you useless and pathetic, but saved you in the end regardless, no one coming near you after that.

Even when others began approaching you with seemingly good intentions, Scaramouche showed up. One person—another prisoner named Childe—seemed to take pleasure in interacting with you, asking you to hang out or do favors that you never got to accept or decline because Scaramouche would immediately show up and pick a fight while yelling at you to screw off now. It took a while to find out that Childe was also from the Fatui and the two of them had some shady business going on in which Childe tried to rope you in, given your connection to the organization. He swore it was just petty things like doing errands, but Scaramouche would undoubtedly shoo you away if he caught you two talking. Every. Single. Time.

Just like this, things could have been good. At least you weren't in constant pain or strung into things that would worsen your sentence. But despite having your cellmate looking out for you, you still felt lonely and scared every day. When someone wasn't activating your flight instinct or raised your blood pressure as they bullied and humiliated you, you usually withdrew yourself from prison life. You didn't fit in, and it was almost impossible to make acquaintances with Scaramouche watching over you like a hawk. No one wanted to get close to you except if they meant harm or loved your scaredy-cat attitude. Even time didn't make things better.

While you knew you deserved this punishment for what you did, it still took its toll on you. Your nights were spent crying while you muffled yourself in your pillow, hiding from your cellmate's fury. You had come to terms with not being suited for this place. Still, Scaramouche hated any sign of vulnerability as if you were trying to harm him with it on purpose.

Unfortunately, your relationship never got better, and the scowl on his face whenever he saw you never disappeared. If not for him, maybe your life could have been a bit easier, but at the same time, it was unfair to blame him when he was protecting you—willingly or not—almost every day.

However, his barely existing patience with you ended abruptly and violently when he caught you crying one evening, only just returning from god-knows-what. "Why are you still crying?!" he asked, sounding absolutely void of sympathy. Then again, why should he have compassion for you? He didn't even think of you as a person worth living.

"Sorry," you mumbled, apologizing for reasons you didn't need to apologize for. "It just happened! I- I can't stop it."

You felt like on your first day when he cornered you in your cell, all ways out blocked off by the menacingly approaching anger he radiated. When you were backed against the wall, you felt a sense of deja vu. But this time, there would be no news that could give you hope, and you were pretty sure that after all you had witnessed, this was the day Scaramouche would snap.

Just like you always did, you turned your head, readying yourself for impact, convinced that your luck had run out now that his anger was directed back at you. But instead of a slap or the sound of your bones breaking, two hands wrapped around your face, cradling your cheeks as they turned your head to face forward.

"Who hurt you this time?" he asked, and you slowly began shaking your head in his hold, unable to answer. More and more tears dripped from your closed eyes, sliding along his hands that warmed against your skin.

"Just... stop! Please!" you heard Scaramouche plead, and your eyes fluttered open, staring at him in disbelief. Pain was edged in his youthful expression, and you couldn't trust your ears to hear this right. You stared into his eyes, trying to find the usual anger and annoyance in them, feeling almost desperate to see them instead of this woeful look he gave you.

"I've been trying so hard to make you stop crying! I forced everyone to leave you alone! Why can't you stop crying finally?!"

His voice started out as a tremble, turning into agonized yelling accompanied by his fingers curling on top of your face, nails raking over your skin like a cat's claws. However, as much as you should have hurt from his nails, his touch was too gentle to harm you. Scaramouche breathed out heavily, his head falling forward, staring at the floor for a moment.

Somehow, he succeeded in making you stop crying. The confusion you felt about his behavior was enough to override the dark thoughts you'd been dealing with before, causing you to sob in the first place. You were still scared and traumatized after everything, but seeing Scaramouche vulnerable for the first time instead of yourself made you want to help him instead.

Raising your hands to his face, he caught your wrists first, hands wrapping around them in a bone-crushing grip that you didn't dare to struggle out from. When he looked up, there was so much desperation edged into every inch of his being, it was hard to look back at him. But you forced yourself, reminding yourself that you caused this.

"I tried to fix it. They roped you into this life, and I tried to fix the mess they made of you. So I made it right. Ever since you came here, I've been questioning everything! I was constantly punished for failing, but you come here and behave like it's okay to fail. And then you cry and cry and cry, no matter what I do to help you! I don't understand you! You're driving me nuts!"

Scaramouche's voice was so brittle he sounded close to tears himself. Somehow, it felt like you had changed something in him. As if your display of guilt and relief had chipped away on his years of doing this awful, dirty work that must have made him into the monster he was. But all you knew for sure was that, all this time, he had actually tried to help you—unthankful as you had been for his interferences. Now, it was your turn. You owed him that.

"I'm sorry..." you mumbled. "I won't do it again."

You meant it more broadly, not just as an 'I won't cry again'. It didn't seem to be the core of Scaramouche's problems. Instead, his unresolved doubts about his loyalty to the organization seemed to plague him after you showed him it was okay to feel differently. But if it helped him, you'd try to be a bit stronger.

His hands slid up higher until they were gripping your upper arms. All of a sudden, Scaramouche tensed up, his head shaking as you heard the hints of laughter escape, the volume increasing as did the pressure on your body, forcing you down to your knees.

"No..." he chuckled, and as you slid down, you caught his gaze, a mischievous shine having returned to them as a crooked grin crept over his lips. He looked neither as hurt as he had moments ago nor was he the same angry cellmate you came to know. The look in his eyes told a very different story. The story of someone that was beyond saving.

"No, you will do it again. You will cry, and I can't let you continue to drive me absolutely insane. So you will cry. Always. Forever."

His palms resting around your face again, he pulled at your head. You had to crane your neck to accommodate the strain as he brought your foreheads together, with him still standing above you. It hurt, your muscles tensing and trying to wiggle out of his grip, but it was unyielding.

"What?! But--”

You wanted to argue, tell him he was contradicting himself, but you could only gurgle as he pulled you upwards towards him, not high enough for you to stand up, so your weight dangled from your neck as gravity dragged you down.

"I thought you hated me crying! I thought you were trying to make it stop."

"Yes," he purred, delight spreading over his expression. "And we know it didn't work."

Fingers digging back into your skin, there was no gentleness like before. You squirmed, closing your eyes only to snap them back open when you felt his breath on your skin, the panic bringing tears to your eyes again as you felt trapped. Scaramouche looked surprised as he saw the wetness welling up again, then his grin widened, showing teeth as a delighted chuckle fell off his lips.

Any doubts about his intentions faded as you heard this, your struggle ceasing as you stared at him with a feeling akin to betrayal. For a moment, you believed him when he said he was trying to help. You believed that he, too, wasn't as rotten as everyone was trying to make him out to be. That deep down, he knew it was wrong and regretted his actions.

But not anymore.

"Why?" you whispered, slowly giving up on any fantasy you had that you'd ever have the peace you desired to repent for your wrongdoings.

"If you need a reason to cry anyway..."

His smile grew diabolically as he took great pleasure in seeing the color drain from your face, any hope or contentment you had felt disappearing into the unknown darkness your mind was thrown into. One only filled with despair. The only thing you knew was that you would never get the life you wanted, and yet... you pitied Scaramouche, who was just another victim of yours. One, you drove insane without even noticing.

"I will be the reason," he revealed, and your body went limp in his grasp.

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[bourbon-ontherocks]

on a cheerier note, shoutout to céline’s double take at morgane’s outfit 😄😏 il lui en faut peu pour oublier ses problèmes avec le préfet… (while we’re at it, prayer circle she dumps fachoman sooner than later, c’est la saison des ruptures anyway 🕯️)

let’s also note it’s the outfit morgane shows up in at the date/debrief debacle. bourge coinços vibes much? 👀 loved how out of sync they were, adam was trying SO hard and morgane just couldn’t wrap her head around what was going on 😂😂 (meanwhile, ranir hovering around them, tu crois qu’il avait été briefé sur Le Date™ ? they weren’t seated at the usual table, iirc 🧐) ahh. the way they don’t fit together… delicious. without a case to fall back on they’re completely lost!!

Idk, I’m just a sucker for the contrast between the glimpses of vulnerability they let on and their general uselessness on the day-to-day. something about the miscommunications being trumped by a deep trust, yknow? 🥹 (and I kinda loved how they talked about ~décryptage. it has a blorbo débrief ring to it)

when morgane comes for adam’s help… gaaah. 🥲❣️ (the music had me think we’d get les démons 2.0, tbh) best interaction of the ep. and then she backs out because she doesn’t want to be a burden????? sign me up for that sweet sweet angst!!!! 😱 followed by "vous avez pleuré ?"--😭😭😭❤️💔 pfiou, my hearttt ⚰️ we need more of this healthy gut-wrenching stuff, don’t we? (ils nous doivent bien ça 🥲)

I can't wait to hear your thoughts on all of this, the good & the bad. thx for reading and bye til next time! 👋💖

Lololol, I love how Céline like... freezes whenever she sees a co-worker presenting unusually. Be it Adam without a beard or Morgane in fancy clothes, it never ceases to amuse me 😅 But yea, Céliane vibes all the way 🤗

Also let's not forget how Adam's eyes were falling out of their sockets when he saw Morgane climbing off the car (in his defense, she does look amazing in his clothes lol), so it's very likely that he really enjoyed that she came to the date in her "bourge coinços V2" outfit, this man probably has a kink and now I can't stop imagining the kind of roleplay they'd be into if they were a couple 🙈

The date was SO fun!!!! I've said this before, but a few months ago I had this idea of a disastrous date fic about them, and I just LOVE that the show went this way, it was just SO them, the out-of-sync-ness, le malaise absolu, "et sinon vous êtes allée au cinéma ?", "Ninja Warrior, c'est japonais ?", somebody puts them out of their misery already 😅😅😅, the fact that they only get their chemistry back as soon as they talk shop... Ranir awkwardly standing in front of the table after bringing the wine (btw, "Ranir, le Languedoc s'il te plaît", is it me or did they imply that Adam knows all of Ranir's wines list? This man takes ONE glass of wine at a housewarming and now he's a patented alcoholic I'm losing my mind here) was HILARIOUS, as was Morgane cheering with him out of despair 😆 Also I can't help thinking that Ranir has seen Adam bring all his dates here, he must bet with himself on how many times he'll see this one again, c'est sa télénovela à lui lol!

And I'm with you on the contrast between the deep connection they share, but also their absolute incompatibility regarding mundane things, that's the kind of stuff we want in this house!! 🥹🥹 The décryptage argument was a great moment too, especially when lit up with Morgane's bad faith (but also Adam's inability to call a date a date lol), ambulant disasters 😅

But also. I love SO MUCH that he tries again. He asked her out on a date, it was a complete mess and it would be easy to give up, but he doesn't. And he asks her out again because he believes in them while I turn into a puddle of goo 🫠🫠

Finally finally, Morgane knocking at Adam's door... 🥹🥹🥹🥹 Gah indeed! Bonus point for the implication that Adam listens to love songs while eating dinner alone 🤣 but the simple fact that she comes to him. And he lets her in without even protesting. And he SEES THAT SHE CRIED AND HE WON'T TAKE HER BULLSHIT ABOUT THE RAIN AND SHE'LL QUIETLY ADMIT IT AH BAH OUAIS EN FAIT IL PLEUT PAS -> we were THIS CLOSE to Morgane openly admitting to him that she cried and ugh, my heart 😭❤️

And then cue the case-solving where Adam BLATANTLY is only thinking about kissing Morgane, and they work her way (🥹) and end up in a post-orgasmic haze (it's been two episodes in a row where the final resolution sounds like they're having/just had sex, just saying) where he ASKS HER OUT AGAIN BE STILL MY BEATING HEART ⚰️⚰️

All of this was such a great scene altogether and I agree with you, we need more of this gut-wrenching angst of Morgane taking bad decisions not to be a burden and actually making things worse 😈 Something tells me 308 will deliver in that regard...😏

I honestly can't wish you a happy finale-watch for reasons that I've mentioned too many times already, but when the time comes I'll be happy to hear your thought if you have any. Stay strong, and see you on the other side anon 😘🫂

[bujorulgalben]

ooc: eve goes to romania pt.2: 2022!

i reckon we should jump right into this bc hoo wee did i ramble here. i need to write a travel log someday and publish it. that’d be fun. anyway:

let’sa go!

to preface, let me explain that i absolutely had an ulterior motive when travelling out to bucharest this time around. it was first time i travelled since the pandemic; granted, they didn’t need proof of vaccination or a covid test done prior to arrival, but i was worried that i had somehow forgotten how to go about airports and independent movement abroad. my worries weren’t justified, thankfully :)

it was my first time travelling alone. this was extremely important, as i had always planned to make my next trip to bucharest with someone else. that didn’t happen, and i had to do this now for myself. this would change my plans for the future. i had to see if i could live in bucharest, if i really, really wanted to. believe me, i was challenged on this decision a lot lol. every romanian i spoke to about this seemed very confused.

and they were lovely! my spoken romanian has absolutely decayed since my MA studies (and now i have my motivation to revise it!!) but those i spoke to were eager to humour me/let me practice. if i ever stumbled, or if they spoke too quickly (90% of the time this was the case), i knew how to ask if they spoke english. 100% of the time, the answer was yes, but if i then wanted to reply in romanian, they would continue to support me!

capital cities are never the best way to see a true reflection of a country and it’s people; i know i’d never say that londoners are a reflection of those living in manchester or brighton, for example. it’s a very different beast. thankfully, i work in london, so i know what to contend with. there’s a constant rushing, and not just on the roads. and bucharest’s roads are fast. granted, because their main roads are 3, sometimes 4 lanes wide (perfect for national parades!), the speed limit can afford to be higher. i don’t think my uber driver to the airport on my final day slowed down from 70mph, ever! he earnt that tip fair and square. nice work, teodor.

my apartment was in a communist block on one of bucharest’s busier streets, right at the top of sector five; a stone’s throw from cismigiu park in one direction, and downtown in the other. my airbnb host (another sweetheart, who gave me so many food recommendations) had warned me about the noise, but i can’t sleep in too quiet a room. i found the noise comforting. yes, even the 4am ambulance siren. i learnt that the crows of bucharest all roost in cismigiu park, as well! a cloud of black wings and cawing descended on the park at dusk, and left again at dawn, without fail.

september is still very warm in bucharest, and i foolishly packed for a british autumn. the metro stations especially were VERY warm, and i was pleasantly surprised at how spacious the stations and trains were. the map is extremely easy to follow (not the spaghetti mess that is the london underground), and there’s signs constantly telling you where to go/what platforms to go to for your stop/etc. london should take notes here.

speaking of spaghetti, i did eat a lot of pasta during my stay. i already knew that romanians are big fans of italian food and coffee, and they do it very well! my favourite restaurant in the city served the best damn calzone i’ve ever eaten; with truffle salsa and this lovely, sweet marinara sauce. the romanian gin was refreshing, and easy on the palette. otherwise, i tried to have a shot of palinca with every dinner... and had to call it quits halfway through my trip lol. i can’t keep up with the locals. i fought hard to find my favourite romanian beer in bucharest; silva blonda. pale ales are more popular in transylvania, apparently.

i drank a lot of lemonade during my stay as well; with honey and mint; which helped with the cold i caught on the flight over. romanian lemonade just hits different.

i saw plenty of gentlemen’s clubs (yes, they really were ‘men only’. i was mad.) and plenty of bars offered hookah. i didn’t try this time, as i was advised to try it with a group for my first try, but it did look fun! every big billboard ad was for a gambling site of some sort, and watching international football on tv also saw it littered with betting ads. all registered, mind you, and they need to make that very clear. small businesses have to do the same, and display certificates in their windows, i noticed. this included the ‘box shops’ stationed on busy streets and corners; many being newstands and florists. there’s a lot of florists, and young women walking around with bouquets. i’m sure you could’ve guessed that this made me incredibly happy.

i saw some beautiful roses at the botanical gardens, and heard the city stay silent for the church bells and chanting early on a sunday morning. that in itself is incredible, and hearing the services was nothing short of magical. that morning, i met up with a photographer for an airbnb experience and we clicked nearly immediately. a history student at bucharest’s university, an introvert, a cat person. we’re now mutuals on instagram, and have promised to host the other when they next visit our respective capitals. 

she was one to suggest i visited romania’s national art gallery (and prioritise that wing of the gallery over the european one) and i’m delighted that i did. she also told me to prioritise carturesti carusel; romania’s most famous bookshop, and one of the most beautiful in the world. i bought a couple of translated books; “nostalgia” by mircea cartarescu, and an anthology of poems by nichita stanescu! 

of course, i wasn’t just in bucharest, and did spend a couple of days in brasov; getting there by train from gara de nord; bucharest’s main train station. it was painless, and i wasn’t subjected to any significant delays... although i did see one delay of two hours for a train due to arrive from vienna. 

brasov looks incredibly different; a city surrounding a mountain with beautiful, colourful buildings. it was the first city i volunteered in, eight years ago, so this visit was more for nostalgia. i hiked to the top of that mountain in the morning (and found out that it was home to 9 rare species of wasp... the hard way), and stood next to the hollywood-styled sign at the top. just like i did 8 years ago.

i chatted to an american at dinner the night before (from queens, and the son of romanian immigrants, now visiting grandparents still in ro) and became fast friends with him as well! we were both eavesdropping on a tour group behind us, quietly judging our respective countrymen, and i invited him to chat once they left. his romanian was a lot better than mine. lol.

asides that, i also (finally) got myself to sinaia to see peles and pelisor castles. both are stunning, of course; something out of a fairytale. complete with the misty mountain setting, as this was the only day i had rain. themes for the architecture, inside and out, come from all over europe; but is especially obvious in the saxon and baroque influences. i had the best goulash for lunch there. the food overall on my trip was pretty great!

this trip left me physically exhausted with all the walking and hiking, i missed pearl terribly after befriending all the stray cats (and there’s a lot!), and i bought a whole bunch of goodies! a lot of milka! a well-known balkan peace offering lol.

for photos and the like, i’m going to plug my insta (wink), and encourage you to watch the story i made for my 2022 visit to ro! i got some banger photos, too, as well as some from the photoshoot i’m yet to drop. i’m pretty sorted for munday now lol.

and... yeah! thank you for reading thank you for dealing with my ooc posting i need to get to work on getting my work visa now. after another week of pto. i’m shattered.

:)

[chickenpeep77]

List of interesting stuff from when I was in school because I felt like sharing

My middle elementary school gave me and other children asthma. It was a moldy dusty super old school that got closed down a few years ago. A local church bought the playground equipment and its so weird seeing it there.

My class played the telephone game and there was some mean kid that bullied me so I changed the message to "*so and so* is an idiot" and it was said out loud at the end and no one knew it was me that changed it to that.

I got bullied for having misophonia.

One day in kindergarten I brought a stuffed toy dragon to school. I was told I had to put it in my backpack in this weird long closet area thing where everyone else's was hung up. End of day. Got my backpack. Toy was gone. Teacher checked everyone else's backpacks. Not there. It was just vanished. Still no idea what happened to it.

For some reason in first grade I refused to do the morning warm-up work thing and instead drew creatures in my journal. Teacher took pictures of the pages and sent them to my grandma. I also headbutt other kids during carpet time because Spyro. That was also the year I was started on meds.

In music class it was around Halloween time and spooky music was played. There was this one that was like "there once was a woman all skin and bones wooooooooo". It scared me. The teacher made fun of me for it. I went to the art class next door and crafted a kangaroo bat out of construction paper.

For some reason I was just out early and waiting for the bell to ring to tell us to get to the buses. Principal was there. I had this bad fear of missing the bus ride home for some reason. The sight of the area being empty before bell rings looked the same as the sight of the area being empty after everyone got on the bus and so my brain was screaming at me that they were about to leave me so I ran to the buses early even though the principal told me to stop. Yeah anxiety problems started early.

Multiple basketballs got stuck in the rafters of the gym building.

I think I heard one time someone had to call an ambulance because some kid sat on a pencil wrong and was stabbed in the butt.

Convinced my teacher to have a field trip to my place because it was a cool farm.

Got ISS (in school suspension) at least twice because I scratched up bullies.

Fitness gram pacer test. This one girl keeps running long after everyone else has sat down. Eventually just stopped the timer.

Brought this bionicle toy to school. It was this cool big one I had built out of pieces of older bionicles. Had long neck wings and a tail. Should try to draw it from memory at some point. Anyways the day I brought it everyone was brought into the auditorium for an assembly. One of the things the principal talked about was the problem of kids bringing toys to school. It was in my backpack the whole time lol.

Science class had a garden we worked at. In particular I enjoyed digging with a particular tool. I said I wanted it. Learned hoe was also a slang term. The outside world is full of nasty freaks so I would sometimes over think every word I ever say because it might also be a nasty slang term I wasn't aware of.

Grew watermelon there. It was harvested too early. Me, with farm living experience, kept saying that was not ripe. It wasn't. In the teacher's defense though if we waited too long the raccoons would just get it.

My school did a lot of field trips. Went to sciport many times. Saw a film in the IMAX theater for the first time. It was about scary weather phenomenon. I was terrified. From then on skipped IMAX time and hung out with a teacher. One time around Christmas I helped hand out reindeer candy canes to the staff. Few times later I decided to try IMAX again. It was amazing. I loved it so much. Saw it two more times at that school. I'm still angry that the film we experienced first was one that scared me and made me miss out.

One day there was a nothing day close to the beginning of a break. Some kid brought in a movie to watch. DVDs were getting to be the norm I think, so it was kind of weird that he brought in a VHS. It was a recording of that movie Hop from a video camera at the theater. Teacher stopped it when she realized. We almost watched an illegally obtained movie.

In high school there was this chemistry teacher I didn't like. I had this habit of correcting teachers on things. Her worksheets spelled aluminum as aluminium. I told her about the spelling mistake. Later found out that's just how it was spelled in England. I have no idea why she used that spelling.

Something in that chemistry class I'm still upset about. We were doing this lab thing in groups. Were growing crystals on pipe cleaners. The directions included the word tare. I had no idea what that word meant. I don't recall whether we we taught briefly on that word or not previously. I asked her what it meant. She said to ask the others in my group. None of them knew it either. Didn't let me ask another group. So we had to skip that step. Our group was the only ones who didn't get pretty crystal ornaments. Just wet pipe cleaners.

[ayamisc]

….this week's manga updates ^^

(c) Bisco Hatori (Ouran High School Host Club)

This is the LONGEST manga rant i've ever written...

well... except for the Samurai Deeper Kyo one.. that melmel witnessed in person where I pretty much talked in a very rapid pace for 2 hours. yeah. go me. so. here it is….

this is just all about mangas. nothing else…. oh. and I have finals next week….

Naruto 385 ……uh… and the battle ensues. there 'ya go… ^^ oh. and a little history lesson about the sharingan..blah blah blah..

BLEACH 306 …..eh. nothing much happens. yeah.

….and the BEST update… [This is LONG. and MIGHT BE… or.. erm. IS confusing….so…. if u don't wanna read… that's fine. lol….so.. yeah]

Ouran High School Host Club 57 …the one and ONLY manga that makes me feel all romanc-y and girly…which is REALLY weird… coz I don't usually like this genre….. but.. anyway…..

Ouran. YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWEEEEEEESOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEEE………. …..spoilers here on. i love this chapter so much. i'm not leaving anything out.

so. ok.

Life at the Music Room 3 continues like normal.. EXCEPT… 4 people are acting out of character. ^^

1 Hikaru has changed his color to something dark… because he and Kaoru have realized their individuality….On other issues…. AHEM. Hikaru………………….. seems to be CONSTANTLY NEEDING to follow his brother's advices and orders about uh… controlling himself. I dunno why. But he seems to want to get Tamaki off of Haruhi's back all the time. I WONDER WHY. hmmmm ^^ (For every 3 minutes he can wait and succesfully control himself… Kaoru puts 100Y in his piggy bank…lol) ..of course. once the 3 minutes is over. He runs after them REALLY fast. LOL…. (sound effects: SLAM! WAITING'S OVER!)

2 Kaoru… at this point… have given up on his pursuit for Haruhi because he realized who Haruhi really loves. HOWEVER. He makes it clear that he is on Hikaru's side. ..and constantly gives advices on how to deal with their present predicament (which will be presented on the next 2 characters). He also goes out of the way to make sure the next 2 characters figure out their feeling for each other ON THEIR OWN.. (poor Nekozawa…lol) because according to him. Helping the 2 is cheating… and would TOTALLY kill off the chances Hikaru MIGHT have… coughif there is actually anycough

..oh. here's a scene after the "SLAM. WAITING's OVER.. which is the scene after the dialogue I wrote under Honey's section down there…. so. here: Kyoya: Isn't 100Y each time too cheap? Kaoru: How naive, Kyoya-sempai! For Hikaru to make Haruhi turn around, it's no good if he doesn't at least do this much!!! Because at any rate, if he were to confess now, he would definitely be rejected!! Hikaru: KAORU!!! No matter how you look at it… You're saying too much!!! Kaoru: Here. hands over a book to him Since you got angry.. I'll add a book reading assignment in your training program--- Hikaru: stops ..and goes to read a book DAMNIT! Honey: You really are hard with him, Kao-chan. Kaoru: Kinda… It is the whip of love.. Leave him to me from now on

3 Tamaki. Hmmm….. He.. as usual. and like what you expected. is VERY THICK. (and yes. I'm using Ron Weasley vocabulary here). He doesn't realize WHY Haruhi is SICK… why SHE is obviously avoiding him… why she is red.. and why her body temperature goes up when he's with her. …"Your temperature has suddenly risen! We should call an ambulance!!" …He actually thinks of taking her to the hospital for check up the next day. Hmmm…. CHARACTER WISE. He has IMPROVED GREATLY. For the first time in the history of this manga… Kyoya isn't the only one managing the club. Tamaki too…. is now supervising Kyoya's work. KNOW WHY? Because he's using the club to practice his business skills… since if you remember in chapter 56… Haruhi told him there's nothing wrong for going for the whole Suoh heir business… so…. he's completely business-like now. EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO HARUHI.

4 OUR HEROIN. VERY. VERY. VEEEERRRYYY. confused about herself. Hmmm… >> WHY oh WHY is she ALWAYS having this cold-like sickness? coughlovesickcough …she SAID she went to the doctor. But they seem to tell her she's COMPLETELY healthy. Hmmm…. ^^ ..of course… DADDY is worried. So he checks up on her temperature by touching her cheeks. Our heroin blushes. And her heartbeat quickens… so.. she avoids him. Tamaki… thinking her daughter hates him… runs after her… and they practically play TAG inside Music Room 3. …GUESS WHAT's HIKARU doing? ^^

eh..here's a scene after the dialogue in the Kaoru section: Kaoru: More than that, the problem is Haruhi's attitude towards Tono (Tamaki). She is obviously conscious of him. Honey: Yes. She is.. Kyoya: She has said something like she has a "cold". Haruhi is unaware of it herself.

..and the other 3 characters. why not.

5 Honey. …aside from his usualy sweets addiction… well.. here's a conversation…

H: What do you think Takahashi (Mori)? M: ………… H: That's right… like I thought. Haru-chan has been acting weird ever since then. I don't know what happened between her and Tama-chan.. but it may be "THAT." Kyoya: It IS "THAT." If you want proof, LOOK: *Hikaru seething with a dark look in his eyes.. with a LOT of the word "anger" surrounding him… and Kaoru looking at his watch waiting for 3 minutes Kyoya: ….Hikaru is in a bad mood. *Mori and Honey sweatdrops*

…now isn't THAT the funniest scene EVER? ..oh. and this is happening while Tamaki and Haruhi are playing TAG. LOL

6 Mori : ah. ….need I say more? [He acually doesn't say anything…. as u might have read in that dialogue up there]

7 Kyoya…… "We give them because our happiness is for everybody to come everyday to the host club in good health" (thinking: and more importantly for merit points) …haha.. typical Kyoya ^^ …and of course. as expected. He just stands there to watch…. probably collecting DATA.. knowing HIM.

8 Mei. I honestly never liked Mei. I mean.. she's ok.. but yeah. Anyhow… she is AWESOME in this chapter. Know why? Because she gives Haruhi a MAGAZINE. A TEEN MAGAZINE.

So. the next day. Haruhi comes in school….. remembers what she read in the magazine. and realizes she's in love with Tamaki. THE END. ^_^ yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so. yeah. the end of my manga rant.

Naruto is by Masashi Kishimoto BLEACH is by Tite Kubo Ouran Koukou (High School) Host Club is by Bisco Hatori

…go read them!! lol… if u want. [And wow. when I started this… I was in a REALLY REALLY bad mood. I'm ok now! ..happy even!!!!!]

Oh. I also read Vampire Knight by Hino Matsuri………

anyhow. I KNOW you don't care about what I read… but mel told me to tell her what the mangas I read are so..here they are. ^^

PS. This blog was originally posted on DeviantArt.

[himbo-beel]

Not as long as I wanted it to be, but finally here’s Early reacting to Lucifer having amnesia aka spoilers for season 3 I forget what lesson though:

____

It was strange to watch the brothers move about the house with an energy and chaos and manner that wasn’t revolved around some prank or scheme. WIth Lucifer gone, such business would usually involve everything he wouldn’t approve of and yet the house was...orderly. The brothers spoke in hushed whispers about current, domestic plans, not one of the words uttered about going behind Lucifer’s back. 

Early had grown used to the malicious and sly grins Satan and Belphegor shared between themselves and Mammon’s slick plans, but the looks tossed between the two of them now were furrowed brows lined with concern rather than craft and all of Mammon’s boisterous demands were now echoes of Lucifer’s. Laundry. Homework. Dinner. Consoling. Understanding. 

It was weird and Early was starting to wonder if it was they who had hid their head, not Lucifer. 

“He’ll be fine,” they finally muttered, the oddity of their surroundings finally bubbling over. “He’s probably just taking a nap.”

Satan looked up from where he’d been planning out tomorrow’s meal schedule with Mammon. “What are you talking about?”

“Lucifer,” Early said, just as confused as Satan had sounded when he’d asked for clarification. 

“Lucifer is talking to Lord Diavolo right now - he’s not asleep.”

“No, I mean, like, the real Lucifer. He’s taking a nap. At least, that’s what it feels like.” Early shrugged and settled further back into the couch they laid on, now uncomfortable with all the eyes on them. “I’m still kinda mad he didn’t pee his pants.”

“What?” Satan asked again, and Mammon stiffened besides him, tossing a look at Beel. Early shook their head and held their hands out, hoping to appease them. 

“Lucifer could have peed his pants?” Early felt some relief at the awe in Belphie’s voice. 

“I mean, yeah. I almost did when I, uh, had amnesia.”

“You what?” Satan was on his feet now, Mammon too, and Early curled their hands back towards themselves to protect their stomach. In the worst case, they’d use their pact with him to calm him down. “I didn’t think it was that important!”

“What was it like? How long did it last? Did you forget everything, too?”

A nervous chuckle escaped them as Satan stepped closer with each step. “Well, I mean, I don’t really remember, that’s the whole thing of it, right? But if you’re asking if I got amnesia because of a three-world shattering revelation of magic causing everything in the known universe to go haywire - then no.” Satan frowned and Early made a note to not attempt a second joke. “I was playing a sport back in my school in the human world and I got tackled pretty hard by a lot of people. I ‘woke up’ and was asked a bunch of questions that I answered and made a couple phone calls that, I guess, when surprisingly well considering I wasn’t who I kept saying I was, and then actually woke up in a hospital. It felt like I’d had a really long nap and I had to pee so bad I almost wet my pants.”

“And that was it? No other information?”

Early shrugged again and spread their hands out in a feeble gesture. “That’s it.” They held a finger up. “I didn’t pee my pants, though.”

Belphie snorted and Satan turned, moving to knock the amused look off his face when Mammon intercepted, grabbing his wrist. 

“See? Yer all worryin’ for nothin’. I told ya Lucifer’ll be fine. If some little human can get amnesia and come out fine then of course he will. P’rolly needs the nap, too. Maybe he’ll be less of a stickler.”

“Don’t think you can start telling Lucifer that he lets you get away with your tricks. He wont change when he comes back to himself, you know.” Satan glanced back at Early. “Right?”

Early shrugged. 

Mammon grinned. “So there’s a chance!”

[blasphamoustraitors]

.

[floralcyanide]

The Blackest Day || Elvis Presley

Part 2 of August

pairing: Elvis Presley x reader (mentioned)

warnings: angst, major character death, death, description of dead body, mentions of drug use

word count: 1656

masterlist | add yourself to the taglist HERE

>> I decided to make a series based on the Elvis fic I wrote called August, but I'll be going in reverse chronological order with them. M(x) means Mr./Mrs. I did the M(x) for those who are gender neutral. I hope everyone enjoys this even though it’s incredibly depressing lol

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

"Elvis, honey, where are you? Are you still in the bathroom?" you call out, wandering upstairs to try and find your husband.

He had been having a weird day. He was in and out of consciousness, but you thought nothing of it since it was normal nowadays. It had been a few hours since you heard from him, but you figured he had taken a nap. The last you saw Elvis, he was in the bathroom, and he had been having some trouble health-wise with that, so maybe he was still in there instead of napping. He has been doing that a lot lately. You had tried everything to get him to go to rehab, even sneaking him there in the middle of the night, but he absolutely refused. So eventually, you gave up as much as you hated to. You still got onto Elvis whenever you visibly saw him take anything, though. But he never listened. He was hardly there anymore, anyway.

"You didn't fall asleep on the commode again, did you?" you yell again, finally arriving at your bedroom where the en suite door was slightly ajar.

"Elvis?" you ask hesitantly, getting a very sour taste in your mouth at the eerie silence in the room.

You continue walking towards the bathroom, and when you get to the door and try to push it open, something is blocking your way. Furrowing your eyebrows, you squeeze through the door, and your feet land by the toilet. You look down to see what was blocking the door, and much to your horror, Elvis is slumped forward on the floor and stiff in position.

"Elvis," you say cautiously, reaching out to look at his face. That was your first mistake. 

His eyes were open and bloodshot as if they had been open for quite some time. His body was in a sitting position, except it was frozen like that as he lay on the ground. You began to tremble, a cold sweat taking over your body. 

"Um," you stutter, "Shit."

You slowly step out of the bathroom through the door's opening, hurrying to the bedside phone to call 9-1-1. After explaining what was happening in near hysterics, the operator assured me someone would be at Graceland soon. After hanging up, you shakily call Steve, who had worked with your husband over a decade ago for the '68 Comeback Special on NBC. The two of them remained friends, and you even got close with Steve as well. 

"Hello?" Steve answers the phone.

"Steve," you breathe out, "It's EP. Something's happened."

"What do you mean something has happened, Y/N?" 

"I don't- he-," you swallow air, trying to get words out as sobs wrack your body.

You don't want to say he's dead because you don't know for sure and don't know if you're ready to accept it.

"Calm down, Y/N. Breathe. I'll be there as soon as possible, okay?" Steve says calmly.

"Okay," you whisper through the phone before hanging up.

You called Jerry next, and then Vernon, in hysterics the entire time. But everyone knew to get to the hospital quickly from what little you could muster. Luckily your daughter was visiting with Vernon, so you didn't have to worry about being swept up in the ambulance getting here and rushing her father out on a gurney. You carefully returned to the bathroom and sat on the floor beside your husband, softly rubbing your hand along his back. You let out a loud sob at how his body felt under your touch- cold and final. You sit there like that, touching him gently until paramedics rush into the house. Forcing yourself to get up, you open the door so they can get inside the bathroom. You felt so stupid. You should've checked on him hours ago. Maybe he would've been okay. It's a blur after the medics hurry into the bathroom and get Elvis onto a stretcher. The looks on their faces are very telling, so you know something is deeply wrong. You suddenly realize you're sitting in the hospital waiting room when you come out of your daze. Jerry is on one side of you while Vernon is on the other, with your daughter in his lap. Steve wouldn't be here for another a few hours. It's cold and quiet in the waiting area as you nervously chew the skin off your lips. You check your watch; it's 3:30 in the afternoon now. It feels like you've been waiting forever for a doctor to come out and say everything is okay and that Elvis will be fine. Even if, deep down, you know he's not fine, you're still in denial.

"M(x) Presley," the doctor says from in front of you. 

You snap your head up to look at him, and he has a solemn look on his face.

"We tried everything we could, but Mr. Presley has passed away. I'm so deeply sorry," the doctor frowns, shaking his head as he looks at you.

You stare at him blankly as you begin to sob openly.

"Y/N, breathe," Jerry says, choking back tears of his own as he rubs your back to calm you.

The doctor goes to leave to give everyone some space, but you stop him.

"Can I see him, doctor?" you sniff as tears stream down your face rapidly.

The doctor nods and motions for you to follow him down the hallway. Before leaving Jerry and Vernon, you kiss your daughter on the cheek. You glance up to see Vernon staring at the floor, a look of regret on his face. 

The doctor takes you to Elvis' room and lets you enter alone. You shut the door slowly behind you as if not to disturb Elvis as he lay in the bed motionless. His eyes are now closed, with his face resting completely. There are a few blotches on his face, but you ignore them. You grab his hand, which is now stiff and cold. 

"Why did you have to leave me?" you whisper as tears fall onto the bed sheets below you. 

You take a chair from next to you, pull it to the edge of the bed, and sit down. You never let go of Elvis' hand, and you put your face down on the bed, curling an arm around your head as you sob. 

"Why did you leave?" you keep repeating as you cry uncontrollably, unable to breathe with the heavy weight of utter loss on your chest.

The love of your life is gone forever. You spent two decades together in total. You had a child, got married, went with him everywhere he went, much to the Colonel's distaste. Then you remember you needed to call Colonel Tom Parker as much as you hated to. He deserved to know, you guess. It felt like minutes you had been in the room, but it had been a few hours in reality. A nurse came in and brought you a glass of water one time that you remember. Another came in and asked if you were okay. It's not until a knock on the door for the third time shakes you from your stupor.

"Y/N, Steve is here," Vernon sticks his head in the door.

"Okay," you whisper to yourself while lifting your head.

You kiss your husband on the forehead before standing up and walking to the door.

"Go see him, Vernon," you say hoarsely before passing by him.

You felt as if everyone was responsible in some way for Elvis' death, even yourself. You, Jerry, and the other cousins tried your damnedest to get Elvis sober, but you all sort of fizzled out at some point. Vernon and the Colonel didn't do very much, however. You felt some animosity towards them for that. You're walking down the hall towards the waiting room, and you finally spot Steve talking to Jerry.

"Here, I'll let them tell you," Jerry says to Steve, reaching a hand out to you.

You take it and envelop Jerry's hand with both of yours, squeezing tightly before letting go. He gathers your daughter into his arms and walks off to give you and Steve some time alone.

Steve is staring at you, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

"He's gone, Steve," you say, your voice wrecked from crying for hours.

"Jesus, Y/N, I'm so sorry," Steve sighs, taking you into his arms. This time you don't cry because there are no more tears left. You don't have the energy to be emotional anymore.

"He's resting. He's finally away from all the pain he felt," you sniff, pulling away from the embrace, "I need to call the Colonel."

Steve has an odd look on his face, but he understands, "I'll be here when you get back."

You nod at him and walk over to the phone in the other part of the waiting room. You dial the old man's number that you, unfortunately, know by heart.

"This is Colonel Tom Parker speaking."

"Hey, it's Y/N," you say quietly.

"Oh, hello! I've tried calling your house today, but no one answered. Is everything okay?" the Colonel says, and he sounds almost too nice for your liking.

"No, nothing is okay right now. Elvis passed away a few hours ago."

"I beg your pardon? Did you say Elvis Presley passed away?" 

"Yes, I think it's on the news now. I'm surprised you haven't heard," you furrow your eyebrows.

"Oh goodness. My sincerest condolences, Y/N. Thank you for telling me," the Colonel says in a sad tone.

"It's no problem. I have to go now, goodbye," you say and hang up the phone.

You let out a long sigh. You hated interacting with that man, but today you had to. Hopefully, you won't ever have to see him or talk to him again. But hope for anything seems very unlikely after today.

taglist: @cozacorner @onxlymnsn @anangelwhodidntfall @butlersluvbot @jolovesfandoms @austinbutler17 @slutforblueeyes @misspygmypie @mamaspresley @mirandastuckinthe80s @kittenlittle24

[awsugar]

storytime on the brokenarm?

lol ive definitely talked about it multiple times but not in ages probably so sure! storytime

i saw frank 20 times in 2017 and to achieve this i did 5 shows in the uk. at my 4th show, in aberdeen scotland, i went up to crowdsurf during stitches and when i got to the barricade security just. stood there and watched??? lmfao. my friends who were on barricade tried to keep me up as long as possible but security were just like🧍🏻‍♂️and, as evan tells it, on the literal last note of the song i just fell to the ground. i tried to catch myself with my arm i guess idk its all kind of hazy, but yea cara franks tour manager (now one of the mcr tour managers) like ran and lunged and tried to get to me in time when she saw security was not doing their job but she was too late and like as soon she got there she was like 'i think you broke your arm' and i was like 'no im fine' and then i looked down and i saw the bone was sticking waaaay out like not outside the skin but like. definitely a horribly mangled arm. and i was like 'oh i dont' think i can stand up' SLSDLFSDJFS. frank had them turn on the house lights and like waited til i was escorted out of the front of the stage and he started clapping for me lmaoooo there used to be a video someone took of the whole show from barricade on youtube but i cant find it anymore :(((((

this was the night after he brought me on stage for oceans. the epic highs and lows of mack in the uk.

all my friends were like gathered around me at the back of the venue and derek homeless gospel choir came over and was like hey whats up and they were all like 'their arm' and he immediately dipped LMAO anyway yea i had to take an ambulance to the hospital. when they told me they were calling an ambulance i started crying because i was like I CANT AFFORD IT but it was free. scotland. crazy. horrible horrible ambulance ride. cobblestone streets with a fucked up arm. they gave me laughing gas??? which didnt work at all but i kept sucking it in like mainlining it hoping it would do something so when it came time to get out of the ambulance i nearly fell out as soon as i stood up.

anyway i got it checked out and stuff and they said i needed surgery but my mom wanted me to wait til i got home so they like took care of everything i would need to make it home and whatever and yea it was all completely free can you believe it.

anyway i wasnt done with my shows so yes i took the bus to glasgow tthe next day for the last show. when i got there they told me cara was looking for me and she had something for me and frank had made me a custom drumhead that everyone on the tour signed 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and also had it set up so i could stand inside the sound guys barricade in the pit so no one would bump into me also he had all the security from the night before fired my savior 😫

and then before im a mess he said 'our friend mackenzie broke their arm last night but theyr'e here anyway which is crazy and amazing and this song is for them' WAHHHH

anyway thats the story this is the drumhead

sorry for everyone who has heard this story frank is so special to me...even if he spelled my name wrong

[its-real]

I was going to wait until I had finished doing all the concept sketches for this but uh, I’m lazy so here take it as it is I’ll keep adding surely surely.

-LONG POST-

AU where the hermits fall into the boatem hole with no way to fly out because of some event that happens - maybe an apocalypse, maybe everyone just goes apeshit, who knows - and they all get messed up heads from falling in the void and passing out n fun stuff like that. They ‘land’ - idk how this would work without them dying lol - in a semi futuristic city which for now let’s just call it Boateqm (silent q). The hermit crabs would also fall at different rates therefore appear in the city at different times. So where do they end up?

Hospital gang:

Etho wakes up in a hospital bed with no memories - most of them will wake up with no memories btw - his doctor/nurse (this hospital may be understaffed) Tango asks him a bunch of questions then has to go see another patient. Etho is seen by a certain Bdubs who had just finished visiting his buddy Scar -will get to him next- in the bed next door. Bdubs walks back to notify Scar, a fashion designer, that the guy in the bed across would make a great model, just look at the striking hair! And the red eye! He opens the curtains on the side and Scar gets a look. He asks if Etho would like to be hired. Etho is to say the least very confused and on the verge of a panic attack that never quite seems to happen so he’s in a weird kind of limbo anyway it is now that his doctor/nurse Tango comes back and having overheard the conversation suggests it would be a good idea. The hospital can only take custody of Etho for so long, might as well start earning money now so he doesn’t become homeless. Etho is still very confused. So Tango just agrees to the job for him as his caretaker lol, and besides Scar comes here kinda often so Tango trusts him. Anyway Etho’s true passions he discovers are synthesisers, breeding horses with Bdubs and finding elaborate ways to do tax evasion. A simple man.

Scar is in the hospital because he got SCAR (hehe) from walking into a glass door in his super fancy house, which he owns because he’s a super fucking rich fashion designer of his own label Scara (this is not the first time he’s walked into a glass door). Scar refuses to go to a rich people hospital tho cause 1) he cares about healthcare and wants more funds to go to lower grade hospitals 2) Tango is his mate, and needs a goddam raise. But yeah, very successful, ran for mayor once but someone really didn’t like that which resulted in another hospital visit. Mans in the wars. One hospital visit he got really inspired by the fabric and stuff there so he had a line of clothes that were hospital inspired one time, in turn making hospital inspired garb very trendy for a bit. What a mad lad. Ideas man. Some would call him a genius if he didn’t keep on walking into glass doors n shit. Scar woke up in the back room of a small tailoring shop owned by a nice old couple who took him under their wing. He thanks them in every award speech, and whenever he’s in the area make sure to stop by and give them presents. His side hobby is gardening.

When Tango came to, he was lying on the footpath of a quiet street in the suburbs just out from the main city. Gorgeous day, golden hour, pretty houses, very aesthetic. He also had a leg injury, fuck. So Tango did what anyone would do: hobbled to the nearest house, asked in the nicest way he could under a lot of stress (so he kinda yelled) for a first aid kit, and performed surgery on himself atop the nice families dinner table. The nice family turned out to have called the police and an ambulance, who showed up just as Tango was wrapping up his leg with a bandage and took him away to the police on a stretcher. This debacle got him a leading story on the local newspaper: ‘Man performs surgery on himself after waking up with no memories and a leg injury’. After being questioned by the police, they decide they can’t really charge someone with amnesia and no money with anything like breaking and entering (he did knock and they did let him in) or property damage (blood on the carpet). The paramedics are stunned at his surgery, so they tell the police to take him to the nearest hospital and get him hired there, he could save so many lives. He gets hired by the head doctor after an examination of the surgery. The head doctor doesn’t really care that Tango doesn’t have any records or anything, the hospital is understaffed and Tango seems like an Angel sent down from the heavens to him. Tango is very very good at his job. So good that he gets offered a job at a far better paying hospital which he takes, then soon drops because he prefers the chaos of his old job much better.

Tango found Impulse extremely dehydrated, looking like death, wandering outside his flat one night, so he carried the man inside and saved his life. Now they are flat mates, and Impulse works in a tech store - an upgrade from working at a service station previously.

Bdubs woke up in an inner city park at night, homeless, broke, and in the company of other homeless and broke people. He built his way to success, got luckily hired by some rich asshole to mow their lawns plural - the rich asshole didn’t ask much questions, he just saw a poor man criticising the way a park had been landscaped to an old guy in a caravan and though it was good enough, seeing as the last one quit - and Bdubs didn’t mind too much, because the rich assholes property was really gorgeous. Once Bdubs was able to say he had work experience and wasn’t homeless he started babysitting the kids in the neighbourhood, pretty good money. Plus the kids love him, and everyone he meets loves him, he's just a nice guy. He met Scar because he had to purchase a suit for a kids birthday party, so he went to the cute little tailors shop he always walked past on the way to his favourite cute little gardening supplies shop. By now Bdubs had been promoted to part time gardener - the job is shared - and started working on and off at a building firm. They become besties, turns out Scar is also really into gardening etc etc. Eventually Bdubs becomes an architect, mainly designing for city contractors n such but occasionally designer homes, like the one he did for Scar.

Mumbo and Grian wake up in the hospital around the same time that Etho is still there, however Etho has been awake longer, and should really find a place to stay soon now that he’s got a steady job. Since - ok plot point here - the two are in the exact situation that Etho found himself in, he starts to feel like something weird is going on. Mumbo and Grian take a lot longer to recover than Etho did, and the two become hospital bed neighbor buddies. When they finally recover Scar offers them a temporary place to stay at his house while they find work. Tango gets Impulse to put in a good word for Mumbo at his work.

Nomads:

TFC is an old man who lives in a caravan off the money he made being a very successful miner, he now collects pretty shiny rocks and gems and stuff to give to kids. He’s like an all year round caravan Santa and wise old mystical figure. Dope.

Joe is a humble man who likes to wander. He’s never had a home, but if he needs anything he’ll go to TFC’s caravan or a homeless shelter or something. But he isn’t sad or anything, he really likes the freedom of being a simple wanderer.

Others:

Keralis is a business partner of Bdubs. Kerlalis is mega stonks. He was one of the first to land, had a big diamond in his pocket, bought shares in a company that blew up soon after and now he is really fucking rich.

Doc and Ren are the only ones who remember anything, and they arrive at the same time. Doc manages to keep his cool, but Ren loses his shit and gets thrown in a mental institution. Doc spends some time trying to get Ren out, and after a final success and laying low for a bit the two seek to bring all the hermits together.

Pearl ends up working in Bdubs building company.

Beef works in a music shop -sells records and instruments- and he starts up a record label out back after his boss retires and passes the shop onto him.

And yeah I don’t really know the other Hermits that well was hoping some of ya’ll could help me find places for them in this city :) don’t really know how to format this either so maybe some input would be nice, just wanted to get the idea out hehehe

[iamgreentealol]

I’m back; I only spent five days at my local psych ward because it’s a really short-term treatment. All the staff know me really well by now. I’ve been there 9 times and probably spent over 2 months in there lol. One of the nurses told me this time, “All of us are rooting for you. We know you can go really far in life.” 

And the thing is, 2.5 years ago when I went there for the first time, they treated me like shit. To them, I was just a rebellious child complaining about her parents and making up problems for attention. I didn’t get anything out of the first visit except scaring the crap out of my parents so they would treat me nicer. For about 2 weeks. Then as time goes by, my parents get more and more abusive, I feel more and more worthless, and all I can think about is suicide. But I didn’t want to go back to the mental hospital and be told what an immature brat I was. So I stuck through it much longer, and ended up going back after a little over 1 year. 

That time, the staff really didn’t listen. I got kicked out after 3 days. It was my last hope, and I knew no one would help me. So I took all the pills in my parents’ cabinet and peacefully went to sleep, thinking I would never wake up. Well, 7 hours later, I sat up in my bed and threw up all over. My first time in an ambulance. Fast forward to me sleeping in the ER overnight. I didn’t even need to get my stomach pumped or drink charcoal or anything because too much time had passed. I remember the doctor dramatically telling me, “You almost died” and I was too dizzy to explain to him that I didn’t give a shit. Anyway, I ended up in the psych ward for the 3rd time for my suicide attempt. Then they took me seriously.

The staff slowly came around in my next visits. Each time I went there, I addressed a different problem; visit #4 I stopped trying to please my parents, #5 (I attempted again in the form of bleeding out, but changed my mind and called 911, hello again mr. ambulance) I learned to stop expecting my parents to change and started focusing on myself, #6 I came clean about having an eating disorder, #7 I tried taking meds (bad, bad decision, they made things so much worse), #8 I improved my communication, #9 (this time) I “hit the reset button” and established a solid plan to prepare me for getting the hell out of my house as soon as I can.

After the staff initially labeled me, they slowly got to know me and started to actually listen. I’ve formed close relationships with them. And they don’t see me as a rebellious child anymore. They respect me and understand how much I’ve been through. And though it may seem like I’m not making progress, I’m trying. I’m trying, and I’m learning. And I think the staff learned a little bit too. They don’t just assume things anymore. They really take the time to talk to the patients instead of just listening to the parents.

It’s really interesting how my relationship with the staff grew. I’d be curious to see how other people see the situation. Would they tell me forgiveness is key and everyone makes mistakes? Would they tell me that I shouldn’t give the staff respect after how they treated me in the past? All I know is that we’re really close now, and I value their support a lot. 

So I feel a little more confident about my plans for the future. I think I can make it. I managed to form bonds with people even as my parents tried to keep me isolated. And I have everyone on here :) thank you so much. Getting your support is amazing. I’m not one to cry (instead I stare blankly at walls/ceiling) but my eyes started sweating a little bit seeing the kind comments. I can’t express how grateful I am. Thank you all 😊