#then my amazon account gets locked

[webbo0]

Universe let me read Project Hail Mary challenge

[13eyond13]

the funniest thing about having to report fraud on my credit card today was the girl on the phone listing all my transactions to me to see if i recognized them and literally 100% of them were all media purchases liiiiike wow I really have 1 hobby and 1 hobby only don't I

[zombiewilder]

[bananasofthorns]

hey guys did you know that. apparently. if you don't buy anything through amazon for 6+ months. your account goes dormant and. apparently. the easiest way to fix this is just to make a new account. and have your old one deleted. apparently.

[badolmen]

mother.

[pinkfemgurl]

[For Archiving Purposes Only] This Jan 2024 post ended at 14,813 notes!

Ok so I feel like it's important to note that the original post was completed in Jan 2024 with 14,813 notes on the final day. During that time a lot of similar posts have used my image, ideas, or style without any reference or mention to my original post which is a bummer. I should have watermarked the post and learned from it as now I watermark every post I make. Also this post was mysteriously taken down without any reason so I'm just going to repost it to archive this history lol. I'll copy this message at the end too.

300 notes: Use a medium plug now 600 notes: Spend $20 on sissy clothes (must be pink) 900 notes: Wear panties 24/7 from now on 1200 notes: Spend $40 on sissy clothes (must be pink) 1500 notes: Sit on a 6-inch dildo once week for 30 min 1800 notes: Listen to 1 audio file of sissy hypno before bed 2100 notes: Wear androgynous or feminine clothes at home from now on

2400 notes: Practice deepthroating the current sized dildo twice a week 2700 notes: I can cum only once a month 3000 notes: Sit on a 7-inch dildo 2 times a week for 30 min 3300 notes: Wear androgynous or feminine clothing in public from now on 3600 notes: Wear only slutty or pink sissy clothing at home 3900 notes: I have to wear a corset under my clothes everyday 4200 notes: Use a large plug now 4500 notes: Use a smaller cage 4800 notes: I can only watch/listen to girly media, anything masculine or geared towards males is banned 5100 notes: Sit on an 8-inch dildo 3 times a week for 30 min 5400 notes: Listen to sissy hypno every time I do anal 5700 notes: I can only cum when I'm riding a dildo and it's changed to 1 cum every 3 months 6000 notes: Make a Twitter account archiving proof and progress 6300 notes: Every week either post proof/update pics of locked chastity, gif of current dildo riding, gif of current plug insertion, and pics of current sissy outfit that I'm being made to wear from these tasks 6600 notes: I have to permanently use she/her pronouns 6900 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 4 times a week for 30 min 7200 notes: Lock myself in ballet heels for 3 hours every day 7500 notes: From now on edge every day for 2 hours 7800 notes: Use a smaller cage 8100 notes: Every 3 days I have to use a chastity cage with a sounding rod 8400 notes: Buy the most embarrassing humiliating sissy pink dress I can find (with all the ruffles and it locks when zipped up) 8700 notes: I can only wear a dress or skirt in public from now on 9000 notes: Get Started on Estrogen

9300 notes: Every 3 days either post proof/update pics of locked chastity, gif of current dildo riding, gif of current plug insertion, and pics of current sissy outfit that I'm being made to wear from these tasks 9600 notes: I now have to use a sounding chastity cage from now on 9900 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 5 times a week for 1 hour 10200 notes: Once a week, I have to replace my plug with a dildo while I'm out in public for the day 10500 notes: I can only cum once a year 10800 notes: Buy a fucking machine 11100 notes: Buy and use sounding rods 3 times a week for 30 min 11400 notes: Buy breast/nipple pumps and use it twice a week to increase the size 11700 notes: Put on an inverse chastity cage from now on and no more edging or unlocking 12000 notes: Start an OF 12300 notes: Clicker train myself to get horny to the thought of cocks 12600 notes: I can only cum from anal 12900 notes: Make an Amazon Wishlist and add 100 toys and clothes for anyone to buy. Anyone who buys them will get a free show with what they bought 13200 notes: Use an XL plug now 13500 notes: Only use 10-inch toys from now on sit on it 6 times a week for 30 min, once a week use a 12+ inch toy 13800 notes: glue the lock shut, flush the key down the toilet, the only way I'm getting out now is if I hit 15000 notes 14100 notes: Listen to any hypno file people send me (including Bambi Sleep files) 14400 notes: Let anyone make demands in my messages, I have to obey the first message that I see per day 14700 notes: Get blackmailed by someone of my choice 15000 notes: Start the process of sex reassignment surgery

Ok so I feel like it's important to note that the original post was completed in Jan 2024 with 14,813 notes on the final day. During that time a lot of similar posts have used my image, ideas, or style without any reference or mention to my original post which is a bummer. I should have watermarked the post and learned from it as now I watermark every post I make. Also this post was mysteriously taken down without any reason so I'm just going to repost it to archive this history lol. I'll copy this message at the start too.

Also because of my schedule I haven't really done much of the tasks I set out to do with this post lol... sorry about that...

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Keir Starmer appoints Jeff Bezos as his “first buddy”

Picks and Shovels is a new, standalone technothriller starring Marty Hench, my two-fisted, hard-fighting, tech-scam-busting forensic accountant. You can pre-order it on my latest Kickstarter, which features a brilliant audiobook read by Wil Wheaton.

Turns out Donald Trump isn't the only world leader with a tech billionaire "first buddy" who gets to serve as an unaccountable, self-interested de facto business regulator. UK PM Keir Starmer has just handed the keys to the British economy over to Jeff Bezos.

Oh, not literally. But here's what's happened: the UK's Competitions and Markets Authority, an organisation charged with investigating and punishing tech monopolists (like Amazon) has just been turned over to Doug Gurr, the guy who used to run Amazon UK.

This is – incredibly – even worse than it sounds. Marcus Bokkerink, the outgoing head of the CMA, was amazing, and he had charge over the CMA's Digital Markets Unit, the largest, best-staffed technical body of any competition regulator, anywhere in the world. The DMU uses its investigatory powers to dig deep into complex monopolistic businesses like Amazon, and just last year, the DMU was given new enforcement powers that would let it custom-craft regulations to address tech monopolization (again, like Amazon's).

But it's even worse. The CMA and DMU are the headwaters of a global system of super-effective Big Tech regulation. The CMA's deeply investigated reports on tech monopolists are used as the basis for EU regulations and enforcement actions, and these actions are then re-run by other world governments, like South Korea and Japan:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/10/an-injury-to-one/#is-an-injury-to-all

The CMA is the global convener and ringleader in tech antitrust, in other words. Smaller and/or poorer countries that lack the resources to investigate and build a case against US Big Tech companies have been able to copy-paste the work of the CMA and hold these companies to account. The CMA invites (or used to invite) all of these competition regulators to its HQ in Canary Wharf for conferences where they plan global strategy against these monopolists:

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cma-data-technology-and-analytics-conference-2022-registration-308678625077

Firing the guy who is making all this happening and replacing him with Amazon's UK boss is a breathtaking display of regulatory capture by Starmer, his business secretary Jonathan Reynolds, and his exchequer, Rachel Reeves.

But it gets even worse, because Amazon isn't just any tech monopolist. Amazon is a many-tentacled kraken built around an e-commerce empire. Antitrust regulators elsewhere have laid bare how Amazon uses that retail monopoly to take control over whole economies, while raising prices and crushing small businesses.

To understand Amazon's market power, first you have to understand "monopsonies" – markets dominated by buyers (monopolies are markets dominated by sellers – Amazon is both a monopolist and a monopsonist). Monopsonies are far more dangerous than monopolies, because they are easier to establish and easier to defend against competitors. Say a single retailer accounts for 30% of your sales: there isn't a business in the world that can survive an overnight 30% drop in sales, so that 30% market share might as well be 100%. Once your order is big enough that canceling it would bankrupt your supplier, you have near-total control over that supplier.

Amazon boasts about this. They call it "the flywheel": Amazon locks in shoppers (by getting them to prepay for a year's worth of shipping in advance, via Prime). The fact that a business can't sell to a large proportion of households if it's not on Amazon gives Amazon near-total power over that business. Amazon uses that power to demand discounts and charge junk fees to the businesses that rely on it. This allows it to lower prices, which brings in more customers, which means that even more businesses have to do business with Amazon to stay afloat:

https://vimeo.com/739486256/00a0a7379a

That's Amazon's version, anyway. In reality, it's a lot scuzzier. Amazon doesn't just demand deep discounts from its suppliers – it demand unsustainable discounts from them. For example, Amazon targeted small publishers with a program called the "Gazelle Project." Jeff Bezos told his negotiators to bring down these publishers "the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle":

https://archive.nytimes.com/bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/22/a-new-book-portrays-amazon-as-bully/

The idea was to get a bunch of cheap books for the Kindle to help it achieve critical mass, at the expense of driving these publishers out of business. They were a kind of disposable rocket stage for Amazon.

Deep discounts aren't the only way that Amazon feeds off its suppliers: it also lards junk-fee atop junk-fee. For every pound Amazon makes from its customers, it rakes in 45-51p in fees:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/29/aethelred-the-unready/#not-one-penny-for-tribute

Now, just like there's no business that can survive losing 30% of its sales overnight, there's also no business that can afford to hand 45-51% of its gross margin to a retailer. For businesses to survive at all on Amazon, they have to jack their prices up – way up. However, Amazon has an anticompetitive deal called "most favoured nation status" that forces suppliers to sell their goods on Amazon at the same price as they sell them elsewhere (even from their own stores). So when companies raise their prices in order to pay ransom to Amazon, they have to raise their prices everywhere. Far from being a force for low prices, Amazon makes prices go up everywhere, from the big Tesco's to the corner shop:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

Amazon makes so much money off of this scam that it doesn't have to pay anything to ship its own goods – the profits from overcharging merchants for "fulfillment by Amazon" pay for all the shipping, on everything Amazon sells:

https://cdn.ilsr.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/AmazonMonopolyTollbooth-2023.pdf

Amazon competes with its own sellers, but unlike those sellers, it doesn't have to pay a 45-51% rake – and it can make its competitor-customers cover the full cost of its own shipping! On top of that, Amazon maintains the pretense that its headquarters are in Luxembourg, the tax- and crime-haven, and pays a fraction of the taxes that British businesses pay to HMRC (and that's not counting the 45-51% tax they pay to Jeff Bezos's monoposony).

That's not the only way that Amazon unfairly competes with British businesses, though: Amazon uses its position as a middleman between buyers and sellers to identify the most successful products sold by its own customers. Then it copies those products and sells them below the original inventor's costs (because it gets free shipping, pays no tax, and doesn't have to pay its own junk fees), and drives those businesses into the ground. Even Jeff "Project Gazelle" Bezos seems to understand that this is a bad look, which is why he perjured himself to the American Congress when he was questioned under oath about it:

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-58961836

Amazon then places its knockoff products above the original goods on its search results page. Amazon makes $38b selling off placement on these search pages, and the top results for an Amazon search aren't the best matches for your query – they're the ones that pay the most. On average, Amazon's top result for a search is 29% more expensive than the best match on the site. On average, the top row of results is 25% more expensive than the best match on the site. On average, Amazon buries the best result for your search 17 places down the results page:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/03/subprime-attention-rent-crisis/#euthanize-rentiers

Amazon, in other words, acts like the business regulator for the economies it dominates. It decides what can be sold, and at what prices. It decides whose products come up when you search, and thus which businesses deserve to live and which ones deserve to die. An economy dominated by Amazon isn't a market economy – it's a planned economy, run by Party Secretary Bezos for the benefit of Amazon's shareholders.

Now, there is a role for a business regulator, because some businesses really don't deserve to live (because they sell harmful products, engage in deceptive practices, etc). The UK has a regulator that's in charge of this stuff: the Competition and Markets Authority, which is now going to be run by Jeff Bezos's hand-picked UK Amazon boss. That means that Amazon is now both the official and the unofficial central planner of the UK economy, with a free hand to raise prices, lower quality, and destroy British businesses, while hiding its profits in Luxemourg and starving the exchequer of taxes.

The "first buddy" role that Keir Starmer just handed over to Jeff Bezos is, in every way, more generous than the first buddy deal Trump gave Elon Musk.

Starmer's government claims they're doing this for "growth" but Amazon isn't a force for growth, it's force for extraction. It is a notorious underpayer of its labour force, a notorious tax-cheat, and a world-beating destroyer of local economies, local jobs, and local tax bases. Contrary to Amazon's own self-mythologizing, it doesn't deliver lower prices – it raises prices throughout the economy. It doesn't improve quality – this is a company whose algorithmic recommendation system failed to recognize that an "energy drink" was actually its own drivers' bottled piss, which it then promoted until it was the best-selling energy drink on the platform:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/20/release-energy/#the-bitterest-lemon

There's a reason that the UK, the EU, Japan and South Korea found it so easy to collaborate on antitrust cases against American companies: these are all countries whose competition law was rewritten by American technocrats during the Marshall Plan, modeled on the US's own laws. The bedrock of US competition law is 1890's Sherman Act, whose author, Senator John Sherman, declared that:

If we will not endure a King as a political power we should not endure a King over the production, transportation, and sale of the necessaries of life. If we would not submit to an emperor we should not submit to an autocrat of trade with power to prevent competition and to fix the price of any commodity.

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/20/we-should-not-endure-a-king/

Jeff Bezos is the autocrat of trade that John Sherman warned us about, 135 years ago. And Keir Starmer just abdicated in his favour.

Check out my Kickstarter to pre-order copies of my next novel, Picks and Shovels!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/22/autocrats-of-trade/#dingo-babysitter

Image: UK Parliament/Maria Unger (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Keir_Starmer_2024.jpg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

--

Steve Jurvetson (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jeff_Bezos%27_iconic_laugh.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

happy autism month

wanna help a physically disabled autism get by this month?

good news! that's me and you totally can. 🥰 only if you're a financially secure adult tho.

hi, i'm tdf and i live under the poverty line (income less than $1k/mo) bc my mitochondria are gorked and there are soso many other things wrong with me 😔

unfortunately this causes problems like

not having enough money

because being disabled is expensive cuz you need things abled people don't which sucks! and i can't just work more when i'm broke! bc i am Brokened.

i've been sick as hell for months bc life stuff has been A Lot and pushed me into a bad flareup. so things are extra tight rn.

anyways if you wanna help out your local autistic blogger:

i have a food and necessities wishIist that also includes visa and other gifft cards so i can get stuff that isn't available on amazon a walmart card to help w groceries would also make a huge difference. they can be sent anonymously (or not) and start at $5.

i will reblog this post with an update and turn off reblogs if i get enough help that i think I can get by!!

i'm really sorry to be asking when so many ppl are in need but. i am too unfortunately. 😔 thank you for tolerating this post on yr dash!

EDIT: I forgot that knowledge of my email address is not just like divinely granted to everyone! 😅 It's thatdiabolicalfeminist at gmail dot com.

(Please don't try to send me pay paI though, that account is old and I'm locked out)

[denial-permanente]

i’m a college student really interested in chastity but unlike most people here it seems. i’m single. this is kind of a 2 part question should i get into chastity single. and 2 if im looking for a keyholder and my goodness i am do you have any ideas of the best way to go about that while not forcing my kink on any unsuspecting vanilla friends?

🔏I moderate a few Reddit groups, and I am surprised at the number of young guys who are into being locked. Unfortunately, most of them do not have a keyholder, and come up with all sorts of impractical ways to approach this. Personally, I do not understand the mindset. To me, being locked would end up being boring (if not pointless). I like to know that @mrs--edge has the control over me; that's what makes it exciting.

That said, it's really harmless to try it out. For like, $30 or less you can get an inexpensive cage on Ebay or Amazon or someplace and start experimenting.

The keyholder aspect is something else. If you spend any time on Tumblr, you'll run across any number of women (or accounts that present as women) who will be happy to hold your key for a price. I have no idea what a fair price would be, but there's nothing stopping you from interviewing a dozen or two. There are also Reddit groups for Keyholders where you might find someone.

Personally, I think that it's a mistake to ask one's friends, unless you already have a very kink-aware friend group in which you already discuss such things.

Good luck out there.

[caitrol]

TIPS AND TRICKS FOR hEDS AND POTS

(Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome)

First some background, I am a college student living in a dorm. Had my symptoms since 16 and was officially diagnosed at 20. This is what works for me and my symptoms. I’m still learning more and more about POTS as it was kinda shoved under the rug for me.

- for low blood pressure have salty snacks. I personally hate flavored water and unflavored electrolyte water still tastes weird. I have a little snack corner with snacks and salt in case my blood pressure drops

- be a part of the disability program at your school!!! Even if you don’t need a specific accommodations join it. It helps the school and your teachers be aware. Since I’m part of my schools programs, if needed I get get a ride to my classes.

- TENS unit!!! This thing is my lifesaver when I have a dislocation. You can get some on amazon but depending on insurance, you can get one covered as well.

- eat more protein. Diet won’t cure anything but I find having more protein has really helped with my energy levels. I don’t eat much meat myself but chicken is always a good one. I also get Kodiak protein muffins (the double chocolate ones are good, rest are meh), fair life milk (more protein compared to most other brands), and fiber granola bars. I’ve found that fiber bars tend to have protein and vice versa.

- supplements!!! Most patients with EDS will have some vitamin deficiency. For me it’s B12 and D3 (which I find is most common) Talk to your doctor of course but supplements can help keep your body normalize better. 

- mobility aids!!! Always talk to a doctor or physical therapist to ensure you are using them correctly but my cane really helps on certain days. Don’t go through insurance because you can easily get a nice cane for cheap online, insurance will only cover so much use it for bigger items like a wheelchair.

- fans. I’m always overheating, I keep my room cold and have a fan going most times. I just cover myself in blankets if I’m cold. Just easier for me personally.

- compression socks! I personally don’t like most compression items as they bother me but my ankles are really unstable. I got two compression sleeves at Walmart and they help me feel more stable walking. Sole inserts as well.

- If you have a high arch get some good hiking/running shoes, I love my Hokas. Sadly they can be expensive but there’s many cheaper options available! (I’m unsure what is best for those with flat feet)

-chronic fatigue, make a schedule that can account for naps if needed. I ended up taking sleep aids and it has really helped. But even just being able to have the luxury to take a nap if needed has really been helpful

THINGS I WISH I DID FOR COLLEGE

- ask about the dorms!!! I was under the assumption everything would have an elevator and my apartment on campus does not.

- if you use a shower seat, always ask which dorm has accessible showers.

- as stated earlier sign up with the disability services right away. It only helps with finding dorm housing.

- get a single room if you can! My medical equipment and pills takes up space and it’s much easier to keep it locked and secured when alone vs with a roommate.

Feel free to share more!! There’s always room to learn and discover new things

[foxymoxynoona]

guys I got mega mega hacked yesterday with remote control software. I suspect it piggybacked onto my computer from some video game mods I downloaded this summer, but my brother-in-law suggested it may have been lurking since I bought my laptop as a refurb from BestBuy over a year ago. The person was able to access both my emails and set up filters to hide the email alerts, my amazon, and make a third party charge with my credit card. Because they were using remote-desktop, I wasn't getting alerts about unuathorized sign ins, and they were able to skip 2FA phone alerts anywhere that email was supported for 2FA. Based on the filters they set, I do know they had 3 purchases planning and I interrupted before they completed the third (amazon, antonline, and pixel.)

I got a credit card text alert for the $1500 antonline order but thought it was spam, so I went to my computer to log in and check whether the alert was real, then watched with shock that someone had my secondary email open and was typing in a 2FA code and I had no control of the cursor. I immediately turned off my computer and used a different computer to go in and change passwords, flag fraud charges, lock down accounts and freeze my credit cards. After a period of time passed, we turned the other laptop back on and began running scans --we found remote desktop hackware, and 4 other "Severe" threat programs after running every type of in-depth scan possible. I spent the whole night changing every password and deleting old accounts and confirming 2FA to my phone specifically.

I had a home burglary years ago that caused lasting emotional trauma which this elbowed again. The fraud charges suck but it's the impact on my kids and the invasive feeling that sucks even more. Changing amazon email/password broke my kids' accounts on their tablets and the refresh wipes over a year of their game data, which is upsetting for them. There's the emotional stress of knowing these assholes had full unhibited access to my accounts but also to all my personal stuff --my writing, my family photos, my medical record logins. I know they don't care about those things but they where there.

If not for my husband telling me to check email filters, I would not have realized they accessed my gmail. Without the security checks, we would not have found the hackware and it would have kept happening without me understanding why.

Please use this as your universe reminder to review your passwords, run security scans on your computers, and make sure 2FA is set up for important accounts that cannot be bypassed if someone gets acess to your email. <3 <3 <3

[sissy-amber14]

also have to follow these listed rules every time I hit the following number of notes. So please stop spamming the comments!

300 notes: Use a medium plug now

600 notes: Spend $20 on sissy clothes (must be pink)

900 notes: Wear panties 24/7 from now on

1200 notes: Spend $40 on sissy clothes (must be pink)

1500 notes: Sit on a 6-inch dildo once week for 30 min

1800 notes: Listen to 1 audio file of sissy hypno before bed

2100 notes: Wear androgynous or feminine clothes at home from now on

2400 notes: Practice deepthroating the current sized dildo twice a week

2700 notes: I can cum only once a month

3000 notes: Sit on a 7-inch dildo 2 times a week for 30 min

3300 notes: Wear androgynous or feminine clothing in public from now on

3600 notes: Wear only slutty or pink sissy clothing at home

3900 notes: I have to wear a corset under my clothes everyday

4200 notes: Use a large plug now

4500 notes: Use a smaller cage

4800 notes: I can only watch/listen to girly media, anything masculine or geared towards males is banned

5100 notes: Sit on an 8-inch dildo 3 times a week for 30 min

5400 notes: Listen to sissy hypno every time I do anal

5700 notes: I can only cum when I'm riding a dildo and it's changed to 1 cum every 3 months

6000 notes: Make a Twitter account archiving proof and progress

6300 notes: Every week either post proof/update pics of locked chastity, gif of current dildo riding, gif of current plug insertion, and pics of current sissy outfit that I'm being made to wear from these tasks

6600 notes: I have to permanently use she/her pronouns

6900 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 4 times a week for 30 min

7200 notes: Lock myself in ballet heels for 3 hours every day

7500 notes: From now on edge every day for 2 hours

7800 notes: Use a smaller cage

8100 notes: Every 3 days I have to use a chastity cage with a sounding rod

8400 notes: Buy the most embarrassing humiliating sissy pink dress I can find (with all the ruffles and it locks when zipped up)

8700 notes: I can only wear a dress or skirt in public from now on

9000 notes: Get Started on Estrogen

9300 notes: Every 3 days either post proof/update pics of locked chastity, gif of current dildo riding, gif of current plug insertion, and pics of current sissy outfit that I'm being made to wear from these tasks

9600 notes: I now have to use a sounding chastity cage from now on

9900 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 5 times a week for 1 hour

10200 notes: Once a week, I have to replace my plug with a dildo while I'm out in public for the day

10500 notes: I can only cum once a year

10800 notes: Buy a fucking machine

11100 notes: Buy and use sounding rods 3 times a week for 30 min

11400 notes: Buy breast/nipple pumps and use it twice a week to increase the size

11700 notes: Put on an inverse chastity cage from now on and no more edging or unlocking

12000 notes: Start an OF

12300 notes: Clicker train myself to get horny to the thought of cocks

12600 notes: I can only cum from anal

12900 notes: Make an Amazon Wishlist and add 100 toys and clothes for anyone to buy. Anyone who buys them will get a free show with what they bought

13200 notes: Use an XL plug now

13500 notes: Only use 10-inch toys from now on sit on it 6 times a week for 30 min, once a week use a 12+ inch toy

13800 notes: glue the lock shut, flush the key down the toilet, the only way I'm getting out now is if I hit 15000 notes

14100 notes: Listen to Bambi Sleep files

14400 notes: Get a tattoo right over my clitty that says "Property of _____"

14700 notes: Get nipple piercings

15000 notes: Bottom surgery (My Life is Over). However I have to spend at least 25% of the entire chastity sentence in a cage before I get bottom surgery to prolong this even longer.

This will run for one month, Feb 12- March 12

[deanthe]

[open] nintendo eshop code commissions!

looking for quality, stylized commissions at a relatively cheap price? well, uh... here ya are!! (more info under the cut)

for an nintendo eshop code ranging from 5-20 dollars (usd only), you can get a commission from me!

Rules:

sfw only

no problematic imagery

one character only

can be anywhere between a headshot and a fullbody at no additional cost!

$5 - sketch

a base sketch that i make for full pieces, but less messy.

$10 - lineart

lineart! lineart! lineart! stopping right before the coloring process.

$20 - full piece

the real deal, with all the crazy colors and filters you know and tolerate!

that's about it in terms of what you're getting, but please don't skip out on the info below! it's important -- you can tell because it's in a FAQ format!

so... what's the process?

if interested, dm me either here, on twitter (@deanthebobcat) or on discord (deanthe_) and tell me what ys want! ref sheets are only needed if it's an oc. once you approve the sketch i make, you then send over the eshop code as payment and i work on the rest of the commission!

how do i go about getting a code?

you COULD go to a store that has eshop giftcards and buy one, but my customers usually just grab a code off of amazon and get emailed the code quickly.

why eshop codes?

i live with my parents, and they have a habit of sheltering me too much... they don't trust me with my own bank account. so, since i'm intending on spending the money on videogames anyway, eshop codes are the closest i can get to obtaining real money at the moment.

can i just buy you robux or nitro instead?

sorry... as much as i'd like that, eshop money is my preffered method, so that's what i'm sticking with.

why american codes/usd only?

unfortunately eshop codes are region locked, which makes sense given that, y'know... different countries use different currencies. i can't change my eshop region to get the money, because doing so will wipe the funds i have.

if you're not from america but really want a commission, you could use a vpn and buy an american code! it's a hastle, i know, but that's the best you can really do

wow, you draw fast!

i know, haha... i've been accused of rushing my art and commissions because of that in the past, but nah that's just how i draw! ^^

are you open atm?

i'll edit this post every time my status changes. check the very top!

☆

thank you for reading this. hope to see ya soon! ^^

[nerdieforpedro]

Let me tease you Angel

Chapter Three of Come away with me Angel

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Word Count: 2525

Summary: Moving in goes smoothly - sort of. Benny and Diana are pushing each other’s buttons until a joke becomes a promise that they’re both looking forward to keeping.

Warnings: Awkward conversations, Benny being a menace several times (not sorry), mild violence, one instance of sexual harassment, alcohol mention, the innuendo is strong, Diana is a menace too, mild sexual content, one hair pull, tossing a body (sounds worse than it is), Benny being possessive?

Notes: I finally had some inspo for Benny! 🤗 Now I’ll need some for chapter four 👀 You’ll need to help me out on this one.

Main Masterlist/ Benny Miller Masterlist/ AO3 Link

Moving Diana into Benny’s home didn’t take long at all, a couple hours. They ate pizza and laughed about the number of stuffed animals she had. The evening brought a complication that Diana didn’t plan on. She had been vaguely aware that Benny had three bedrooms, one of them had been turned into an office. Benny balked at her assertion that she couldn’t picture him sitting down long enough to be in an office. He put her bags with her clothes in the bedroom next to his. Diana insisted she could sleep in the office and that would be better. Benny scoffed and told her she was being ridiculous while he set the very box she was concerned about on her new bed in the guest room.

“What did you want for dinner? Pizza, wings or burgers?” He asks as Diana’s eyes dart from him to her last box.

“Pizza, coke, and garlic cheese sticks please.” She answers and sits down on the bed in front of the box. Maybe if she blocks it from his view she’ll feel slightly better about it. Not that he can see through a cardboard box anyway. Is she paranoid? Yes and for no reason because Benny is not one to judge. He’d likely be encouraging about it.

“Alright which movie do you wanna watch?” Benny follows her lead and plops down on the bed next to her.

“Which ones do you have?” She knows, she might be trying to annoy him into leaving. But this is Benjamin Miller, she’s playing a losing game.

“Depends on what you’re in the mood for Angel.” If they were playing a game, she would have lost at that moment. He’d just given her a response. Basic one at that but he did not need to wipe his forehead with his shirt then. Sure he was sweaty, but it makes it worse. And increases her awareness of what she’d be using the box behind her for.

“Hallmark movie.” Least sexy option please. Diana needs some semblance of sanity. Like she isn’t drooling over her friend who’s giving her a place to stay.

“Huh, didn’t expect that one. I’ll have to stream that one. You cool with me logging into your Amazon account?”

“Yeah that’s fine.” Finally, he’s standing up and walking out of the room. She might be able to calm down now. “And Benny, thanks. For everything. I-It means a lot.” He smiles and walks back in the room, scooping her up in a hug. Diana places her arms on his back and lays her head on her chest. She really is grateful, but this might be one of the best things she’s done and also one of the stupidest. It’s the first day and she feels like this. Maybe she just needed to get laid somewhere to to the edge off? But it’s still not Benny, her Benny. Not that he’s really hers.

“You know I’d do anything for ya Diana.” A lock of his hair fell out of his loose bun that he tied back to keep his vision clear while moving. Benny’s lips kissed her forehead and Diana sighed. “I’ll see you out in the living room for the movie sweet girl.” Her new tall muscular roommate left her standing in front of her bed. She watched as he walked out, observing the efforts of his daily workouts bouncing with each step that he took. Her eyes landed on her box which she promptly stuck under her bed and crossed her arms.

“It will have to be when he’s working out.” Her hand touched her forehead where his lips had been. “Did he have to give me a new nickname? Lord have mercy…”

Benjamin peeked around the corner at his dear friend and watched as she stored one box she seemed especially focused on. He had an inkling what might be in there if she was that protective over it. He’d give it a little time or try to. Benny can’t pounce on the woman yet.

Benny to his credit, tried to give it a month. He made it Fourteen days before it happened.

He didn’t want to rush her, just kept up with the movie nights fixed breakfast and had Diana help with dinner. Miller believes that he showed great restraint in not plopping his Angel on the counter and eating her for dinner instead.

Even when she just wore that simple off-white dress for a casual Friday at the end of the second week. They had finished breakfast and were cleaning up; Benny would take Diana’s work bag out to her car before going on a morning run.

She thanked him as always for making breakfast and being so sweet. He appreciates her calling him sweet, but he’d rather make her late for work and sweaty. Recently, Diana was giving Benny side hugs that he wasn’t a fan of, but this morning, he pulled her into a tight one at her open driver’s side door. Leaning his back against the car, the MMA fighter pulled her toward his chest, making sure she was flush with him. “No getting away from me today sweet girl. I’m getting a proper hug and send off from you today.” Hearing her giggle, he knew she wasn’t taking him seriously. She’d have something to think about today.

“Benny you’re such a goof. I need to leave or else I’ll be late.” She released a soft whine, it was unintentional by the look on her face. He meant his smirk. Benny kissed her cheek first before leaning into her ear. His large hands trailed down her spine and pressed her soft body into his further. He felt them, the small pebbles among her plush mounds.

“Not a goof Angel, more like a tease baby.” His lips touched the exposed skin of her shoulder, then her neck, making his words wet on her skin. “Diana you have no idea how badly I want to make you late. Hell, call out sick, but I know you’d be cross with me.” He pulled his head back to stand up and kiss her forehead before letting her go. Her hand found the ends of his sun-kissed brown hair and twirled them, biting down on her lips.

“Benjamin Miller. Go ahead on your run and I’ll be front and center for your match tonight.” Diana got in the car and put on her seatbelt quickly looking up at her dear friend. He’s already leaned over her window, so his face is nearly inside. Benny enjoys running shirtless since it’s summer and warm. Diana would never tell him what to wear or to put on more clothes. On one hand she’s puzzled that he’s choosing today, the day of his match to make a move. But she’s also pleased that she didn’t have to do it. She’d not great at making the initial move, but maybe she had been temping him a bit with all the shorts, casual dresses where she didn’t normally wear them and touching him during movie night and while cooking in the kitchen. Diana had been the one to joke that Benny should see her off, she was surprised that he did and seemed happy to do so.

“Win or lose tonight, Diana, I get to tease you when we get home. That alright?” Hitting the top of her car roof twice, he took a step back and that was her signal to drive off, but she didn’t yet.

“Benny Miller you are so much damn trouble.” Diana whistled and drove off, hoping that she might be able to dry out before she gets to work. He’s gotten her worked up and imagining how he might in fact tease her after his match. The thoughts followed her around the office the entire day and prompted her to slip on a deep violet body on dress that flared out at the bottom, she wore brick red lipstick and wore matching red heels. They would be hard to stand in during the match, but she wanted to look a bit different than what Benny has seen her in before. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get a a seat up front. Diana was able to grab a place three rows back.

Frankie, Pope and Will didn’t see her, it wasn’t like her to miss a match of his. They called her and she answered but it was too loud ringside, so she texted them.

Diana: Hey, I’m here. I wasn’t able to get a seat closer. I’m a few rows back. Are there any open seats near you guys?

Frankie: Sorry no. But you’re okay though right? Some of the guys here can be rowdy when drunk.

Diana: I’ll be fine. I’m just mad I can’t see what’s going on. How is Benny doing?

Will: He’s taken some hits but getting some licks in. You sure you’re all right. One of us can come grab you.

Pope: We’ll dare some asshole to say something.

Diana: Ya’ll are sweet but I’m ok. Just keep me updated on the match.

Diana didn’t want them to worry about her she was okay for now. She was able to hear the announcements for the start and end of each round and her phone kept going off with updates. A man next to her finished his latest beer and and tapped her on the shoulder, “Doll, you got fries to go with that shake? I’ve seen you ‘round. Red trunks is winning but he’ll be no good to you tonight, but I will.” Shrugging his touch off, she shook her head and stepped back, bumping the woman next to her by mistake. The woman stared at Diana, and she apologized to her, whispering, “Are you alright? He isn’t nothing you, is he?” Diana was about to speak but the drunkard spoke first, “Ain’t none of your business. Stay out of it. I’m talkin’ to her.”

There was a loud roar from the crowd and a flourish of activity started. Diana’s phone went off with yelling emojis, balloons and yelling. Benny had won! She was sorry to have not been able to see him win. “There will be next time.” Muttering to herself, she went to move toward the ring since people were heading to the back but a sweaty hand grabbed her forearm.

“Now hold ur horses doll. We didn’t finish talking.” Diana pulls her arm down and gets out of his grip easily but stumbles, her feet partially numb from wearing the heels all night.

“Keep the hell off of me asshole.” Diana cursed and continued toward Benny and the crew. The man followed her and all the fighter saw was a man keeping after his Diana. Benny rose from leaning against the side of the ring and hit the man square in the nose, breaking it. Will and the others were barely able keep the man from hitting the concrete floor, concerned it might be another injury.

“Diana! Angel are you alright? What the fuck was that?” The younger Miller demanded to know, he had a blood lip and a bruised abdomen with cuts on his hands and despite the pain of moving so much, he pulled Diana’s soft body against his and she felt right in his arms.

“I’m fine Benny. You won right? I wasn’t able to see most of it. I was in the third row back. Congratulations!” Tipping on her toes, her lips connected with his briefly before she rocked back. The smile on her face was bright, she was proud of him. Benny always trained so hard for his matches and in between. He had results and another win, the widened eyes he had on his face did not mask the surprise of his expression.

“I see you’re the one teasing the hell out of me Di. I see why he was following you. I’m going to hold a handful of you on the way home. Be right back.” Benny kisses her cheek before making a quick trip to the locker room to get his stuff and head home. Upon his return, he noted her hand on her hips, “Now before you say anything about your car, I’ll take you to work tomorrow and get your car back home. See you later gentlemen!” Diana mutters how much trouble Benny continues to be as they leave, and the rest of guys are wondering when the shift in their relationship happened. Will suggested things may have changed since Diana’s staying with Benny. Frankie and Pope nodded and figured it would be a matter of time given that information. The guys wonder if things will be alright and they collectively decide to stay out of it.

Opening the door for her while still shirtless and tossing his gym bag in the back seat of his jeep, Benny gives Diana a hand with stepping up into the vehicle. He clicks the seat belt for her and rests his head, on her thigh, “Wore this dress for me did you Angel?” A finger pokes her ankle and runs up her calf. Cupping his large hand around it so the meat of her leg is in his palm, he squeezes, then shakes it a little.

“I did Benjamin. You’re not the only one who’s trouble. Let’s go home. Not here.” Diana kisses the dirty blonde strands on the back of his head, her own fingers at the back of his neck. Benny hums with her motions and he makes no effort to move.

“Don’t I know it Diana? You’re going to let me tease you all night? I might not drive you into work on account of you being too pleasantly sore.” Standing up straight, his face is just above her breasts, with his trademark sheepish grin, he kisses the top of each one. Her hand pulls him close before she realizes what she’s doing and then tugs back by his hair.

“I said not here Benny.”

“Need to show them why they shouldn’t touch you. Shouldn’t even think about it. Dumb bastards.” A small graze of her neck with a stern look to some of the guys from the match who were watching their display Miller turned to get in the jeep to drive them home.

Diana wasn’t one for such public displays but she would admit that Benny being territorial with her, showing people that she’s his. She’d make fun of others who found is sexy but now she understands the appeal.

The ride home found Diana parting her legs enough so Benny could reach between them and feel her soaked fabric. The whine she released nearly made him miss a stop sign. “Damn sweetheart. We’re getting to a bed maybe just the couch. I need you on your back so I can spread you and see for myself.” Benny was able to get the jeep in the driveway, hopping out and u locking the front door. Diana had only gotten her seatbelt off before Benny threw her over his shoulder and took her inside the house – he did place her gently on the couch before slamming and kicking the front door.

Peeps who would be fine with Benny tossing the on the couch 🛋️: @rhoorl @musings-of-a-rose @laurfilijames @yorksgirl @guelyury

@gwendibleywrites @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @tinytinymenace

Chapter Two Chapter Four

[thesparklingwriter]

a technological affair

" And thus, his email was lost to the grips of hackers."

tags: modern au, pet names, gn!reader (use of wife), established relationship, zhongli cannot use a phone for the life of him, reader is an Apple enjoyer,

ao3 link | taglist | masterlist | next

As far as you’re concerned, Zhongli is the closest thing to perfection a man could ever be. Except for one very minor detail. He cannot, for the life of him, use a phone.

Which could be blamed on his 30,000 year old android, with a screen that barely functions and a cracked camera, and you really can't let him go out like that. So one day, as an advance on your anniversary gift for him, you decide to welcome him to the wonderful world of the iPhone.

“What’s this?” Zhongli says, opening the box carefully. “What have I done to warrant such a gift?” he holds the phone in his hands as if it’s a baby chick—you bought him one of the bigger phones, knowing his hands are large, and even still he could do with something bigger.

“You dropped your phone in the toilet and I can’t allow you to continue using it. You have to understand.” You grin. “So I got you a new one that actually works and when you tap the screen, it actually registers it.”

Zhongli looks at you with gratitude but also an inkling of confusion. What’s he going to do with this fancy, characterless lump of metal that he couldn't do with his old phone? “I appreciate this, my love, I really do. But I don’t know if this is going to be as good of an idea as you think it is.”

You scoff, pulling him into a hug. “Zhongli, I would like to actually hear my husband when I call him. I would like to understand the texts he sends to me. And I would also like to send him pictures of cute cats on Instagram.”

And of course, Zhongli couldn’t possibly deny you anything you ask of him, so he agrees to try to navigate this new phone with as much positivity and faith as he can possibly muster.

In the few weeks since you bought him the phone, he has managed to:

(1) Lock himself out of it. For a whole week. You asked him how he managed to do that and he didn’t seem too sure as to what he’d done. So you asked him if you could know his password and promised only to use it in situations like this. (And promptly cried when you realised his password was your birthday.)

(2) Get his email hacked. He’d approached you with excitement, saying: “Dear, look. I got an email saying I’ve won a Macbook.” To which you replied: “You can barely use your phone, we might need to leave the macbook on the back burner for a while. Who sent the email?”. The email was sent by vnweifgq@dfugf.com and contained a link, which Zhongli had happily pressed. And thus, his email was lost to the grips of hackers.

(3) Find the dictation and voice note feature, which is great. He gives you encyclopaedic updates to his day, which you read or listen to with genuine enthusiasm. This was what you bought him the phone for at the end of the day, right? The extra chance to connect with your husband?

(4) Get into the habit of sending you pictures of things that make him happy or that remind him of you. Which is essentially the same thing as far as he is concerned. You’ve also got used to sending them back.

(5) Make an Instagram account. He’s not great at it, but with some guidance, he manages to post some of the pictures he sends you.

(6) Accidentally message the group chat (you, Xiao, Ganyu, Madame Ping and some others use it to invite each other to dignified tea parties and movie marathons) his shopping list. The shopping list included all the things he was getting for you as part of your anniversary gift, so Xiao had to teach him how to delete the message so you wouldn’t see it.

But by the time your next anniversary comes around, he’s actually really good with it—he can use instagram better than you can (though he read the terms and conditions from start to finish and became very careful about how he uses it), orders things from amazon at least three times a week, and has a facebook group for fellow birdwatchers with about two hundred people in it.

Yes, he has all of his icons and text at the largest size possible, and yes, he refuses to use TikTok and favours Instagram reels, but when he’s on work trips or you’re visiting friends elsewhere in the world, it’s nice to be able to video call him and not feel as distant as you used to.

“I think this phone might have been the best gift you’ve ever gotten me, dearest.” he says one night, after discovering the kindle app, where he can find all the classic novels he loves so much without having to clear out bookshelf space.

You sit in bed together, simply talking about your respective days, both your phones banished to charge in another room. Of course, being able to use a phone doesn’t mean that you should at all times—the phone banishment rule had initially just existed for you, but the rules had to accommodate the new technical whiz in the house.

“What about the gift that is me?” you counter, nuzzling into his chest gleefully. He kisses you deeply, a smile on his lips as he pulls away.

“Nothing on this earth is better than the gift that is you.”

“Not even your group of birdwatchers?”

“I did get to see a wonderful example of a nearly extinct sparrow with beautiful colouring last week,” he teases. “But no, they could never be better than my beloved.”

© 2023, thesparklingwriter. please do not copy, edit, repost, or translate.

notes: you all have cael to thank for this hilarious prompt idea. this is why you should always make friends with people on tumblr they always slay.

taglist: @medusuu @aixaingela @thelonelyarchon @ainescribe

[13eyond13]

Hi. If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did you get hacked? And how did you realize it happened? It's just that it's something of an anxiety of mine, and I feel that by learning from other people it happened to, I can learn to avoid it. No worries if you don't feel like talking about it, though.

I don't honestly know for sure, but I THINK it was because my desktop computer is pretty old and has been running on a very outdated version of Windows for quite a while now. I don't normally do things like click on suspicious links or answer suspicious emails or calls or messages from bots, but I'm quite lazy about things like updating my hardware and software when the older stuff is still working fine for me. Unfortunately this eventually makes you more vulnerable to being hacked remotely, because you can't get stuff like the current security updates and support on your computer's programs and all after a bit. Over the past couple of weeks I've had someone using my Facebook account to post fake ads for cars and motorcycles on Marketplace, someone using my Steam account to list all my trading cards for sale, somebody flooding my email address to receive literally hundreds of spam emails (like signing me up for random newsletters and junk mail and so on), and somebody using my credit card to attempt to buy a big purchase for themselves on Amazon. Basically since I don't know exactly how it started and the fact that it seems to be happening on multiple of my accounts I just had to go cancel my credit card and report the fraud to my bank, change every password on every personal account I could think of and add more 2 factor authentication steps to everything, and then wipe my computer of as much personal info as possible and lock it up a bit better too. I undid all the settings like the automatically saved passwords on my browser, and I'm not leaving it connected to the internet or leaving any of my personal accounts logged in when I'm not using them anymore. The security breaches seem to have stopped with me changing these passwords and everything else, but it's definitely a very violating and annoying experience to say the least. I should probably be more freaked out about it than I actually am, which is kinda just feeling a bit like the exasperated Ben Affleck smoking meme instead hahaha