#then i realized draco is even more repressed than harry

[letteredlettered]

Draco was wiping the counter when Harry Potter came into the shop3

(I love how long this title is)

Two people already asked; I guess because you can tell it's H/D. The document title is named that because that was the first line of the fic and I couldn't be bothered to come up with how to save it.

Anyway, this is a coffee shop AU, except not really an AU because it's EWE and otherwise canon. The premise was that Draco works in a Muggle coffee shop. It's not that far from the Ministry of Magic and Aurors start getting coffee there. Eventually Harry comes to check it out because he hears Draco works there; although there was an alternate version where Harry first discovers Draco there because a suspect was spotted at the shop or something similar and Harry comes to investigate.

The fic was really supposed to be about Harry's sexuality; he's struggling with Ginny and they break up, and then for a while he's very confused because he thinks he's supposed to be dating but isn't really feeling it. Then he starts thinking he might be gay but really feels like he has no idea how to tell.

Draco meanwhile has been in lust with Harry since like first year and has tried to do some very healthy things to get over it, such as throw away a very vast, heavily labeled collection of memories he puts into his Penseive to get off on, and become so proficient and Occlusion that he doesn't even know when he's Occluding most of the time. So when he hears Harry is struggling with his sexuality he VERY CASUALLY (as is Draco's wont, because of the Occlusion) offers to show Harry the ropes, as it were.

Harry has been coming to the coffee shop a while now and almost thinks of Draco as a friend; Draco has this bartender role a bit where Harry will talk about cases and then later personal issues and Draco nods and listens and offers encouragement. So when Draco offers VERY CASUALLY to sleep with him Harry is like well why the hell not.

So they kiss and maybe touch a little and Harry pretty much instantly knows HOLY SHIT I'M SO GAY and also we the reader know but Draco remains oblivious and Occludes so hard that he actually manages to succeed in acting like it means nothing to him. And then Harry wants to do more and so of course Draco says yes and Harry is right off the bat extremely intense and passionate and into it and it's obvious to the reader that he's pretty much fallen head over heels now that he understands more about his sexuality, and Draco acts like it's nothing.

And this goes on for a while and eventually Harry is like look, I care about you, and Draco acts like it's nothing. He kind of assumes it's a phase and Harry will get over it, best to protect himself.

And they continue to sleep together for a while and at last Harry can't stand it and is like, I'm not sure I can really do this anymore because I'm so in love with you and I know you don't care about me, and it's killing me. And Draco opens his mouth to say he does care--but can't.

Like he literally can't; he's Occluded so much that he's actually magically fucked up his ability to share his emotions even verbally; and Harry is like "say something" and Draco is like "I can't," and Harry is like "ok but why can't you" and Draco can't explain that either; the Occlumency has fucked him up so much that he actually can't stop Occluding against even explaining the situation.

So Harry eventually leaves and we are very sad and Draco gets therapy and Harry eventually starts dating Michael Corner or somebody and maybe they're even going to get married or something and Draco finally unfucks himself up enough to be able to tell Harry what was happening like two years ago and Draco knows it's too late but he's loved Harry all along and happy ending.

[stationintern]

Hello all!

This month was, truly, a beautiful month for me reading-wise. The birds were chirping, I found smut that made me sweat, and I revisited some old favorites. Let's jump right in. I am so excited to share these with you. (Hence why I am posting this a day early.)

Strap in!

Dwelling On Dreams by @the-sinking-ship for H/D Big Bang 2021, 135k, E

I reread this fic this month, and it was just as delicious as I remembered. There are aspects of this fic that felt burned into my memory, so it came as a shock to me when I realized that the last time I'd read this fic was over a year ago. Everything about it feels so vivid. Harry's magic, his raw sexual energy. Draco's ability to make me scream at my phone and throw a mini temper-tantrum. I love flashbacks, and this fic has them in abundance. If you're looking for a thick read with complex characters and an interesting case to solve, look no further!

Hear Me Out by @rainstormradish for @dronarryfest 2024, 5.2k, E

I am pleased to announce that I have officially bought my ticket and jumped on the Dronarry train. You've all convinced me. This fic, in particular, is what really got the ball rolling. This was... immaculate. When I said I found smut that made me sweat, I MEANT IT. I had to, like, physically reconnect with my limbs after I read this. A bit of fake dating to start you off, and it only gets better from there.

The Way You Say My Name by InnerLilith 5.3k, E

Ya'll ever just bark at your phone? Sometimes, a girl just wants to read about Harry Potter going absolutely bonkers over Draco Malfoy calling him sweet little names. Very hot, very important to me.

Please hold. Your call is very important to us./Bloodlust and Bureaucracy by @goblinmatriarch 5k, T/8.5k E

DOUBLE FEATURE! I love the smell of wizarding bureaucracy in the morning. What a little world you have built! Authors who can create a new little piece of the wizarding world to explore mean the world to me. Very interesting in regards to how the medical system in the wizarding world relates to its real-world counterparts. Also, some biting action. Very smart, very hot.

Crossed Wires by @skeptiquewrites 11k, E

Critics are raving. "Literally ripping up the wallpaper in my home," says one reviewer. "Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure," says another. Bureaucracy lovers win forever and ever. Also, Draco gets to wear many suits. Harry Potter the reluctant politician. I couldn't have wished for more.

Our Objective Remains Unchanged by @citrusses 46k, E

BOATS, REPRESSION, MORE BOATS, EDGING (for sports purposes), EVEN MORE REPRESSION, AND WILL YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAY THERE'S MORE BOATS. I don't know how you've done it, but you've managed to parallel the epic highs and lows of college rowing with the literal wizarding war. If that isn't talent, I don't know what is babe.

Truth or Dare? by @lettersbyelise 3.4k, E

There is truly nothing more intimate than jerking off your childhood rival while a party goes on around you. THAT, my friends, is the key to post-war, inter-house unity.

Borrowed Time by @the-starryknight for @dronarryfest 2024, 7.6k, E

Oh this was fire. What do you know about body swapping threesomes? Would you like to know more? Yes. Yes, you would.

Alrighty, I think that's all for now, folks. Very thankful to be in a fandom with so so so many talented people. You all blow my mind. Here's to another month of fantastic fiction!

See ya!

XX, Moon

[iamnmbr3]

How do you think drarry’s dynamic would be if Draco came into a creature inheritance such as a veela or werewolf?

So I enjoy veela!draco for the crack potential but personally I'm not as into it in a serious manner (though now that I said that I'll probably find a super serious veela!draco fic and end up staying up till 3 am reading it and then crying at the ending and then have to totally eat my words). I love the idea of werewolf!draco though and am actually working on an 8th year drarry fic where post book 7 Manor sequence Voldemort let Greyback bite Draco and Draco's hiding his status due to 1) shame and 2) between his last name and his Dark Mark he's already shunned and pretty much unemployable and this would only make it worse and 3) now that he didn't report it when he was supposed to he's committed a crime which could violate the terms of his parole. (And of course Harry immediately notices he's acting off and decides to investigate. Eventually drarry happens).

I really like the idea of Draco, who has all these internalized blood purest ideas suddenly having to deal with something that, according to that world view, gives him "corrupted" blood. While I think postwar he would have realized a lot of the bigotry he grew up with is wrong, those internalized ideas wouldn't go away overnight. And especially in the case of becoming a werewolf himself, the self hatred that he was already dealing with due to his alignment with Voldemort would get magnified, so since those bigoted ideas would be directed at himself he probably wouldn't feel the same need to question or reconsider them the way he would ideas about communities he's not a part of.

PLUS, Draco's exposure to werewolves included having Greyback and his pack hanging around his house. So I think he would feel even more negatively about werewolves than he did in his younger years and believe that everything he had ever been told about them being vicious and violent monsters had been proven totally true. I think he'd be terrified of becoming like that and also kind of feel he deserves it.

Harry, who spent a lot of time around Lupin obviously has a very different view of werewolves so I think once Harry found out about Draco's condition there'd be a lot of push and pull. I think Harry would probably be frustrated and maybe a bit surprised at first that becoming a werewolf actually didn't make Draco realize that werewolves are just regular people. I think there'd be a lot of back and forth with Draco struggling to get over his internalized prejudice and self hatred. I think Harry not really caring and being much more concerned with the bad choices Draco made, rather than what happens to him now on the full moon, would help him learn to accept himself and live with his condition. I think ultimately he would get to a point where he could realize that Greyback was brutal and violent because that's who he was - just like there are brutal and violent people who AREN'T werewolves - rather than specifically because of his condition. I think his internalized feelings of shame would be something he'd spend year and year struggling with though.

Conversely, I think Harry would be forced to confront a lot of the systemic problems in wizarding society and the way that affects werewolves and also be forced to confront the fact that Lupin repressed a lot of part of himself to make himself more "acceptable" in mainstream wizarding society. I really like the idea of Harry realizing that he doesn't know some stuff about werewolves. Given that Bill, who isn't even a full werewolf, apparently craves very rare meat now - and not just at full moons - I always headcanoned that werewolves actually have some wolfish characteristics all the time, like wanting to eat raw meat, but that Lupin represses all that to act more "human" and that's part of why he looks so unhealthy all the time but Greyback doesn't. I think Harry should have to deal with the fact that this is a very life changing condition and also deal with the fact that werewolves are so shunned that most of them chose to back Voldemort int he hopes of things getting even marginally better.

[hiccupfound]

On Hermione killing Draco in Jagged

i’ve always wanted to give my explanation for this, but i fell out of fandom before i got the chance. tonight i was scrolling on my fandom tumblr, trying to find a gif to show my brother and sister in law, and i passed a jagger excerpt. one thing led to another, and i ended up reading the chapter after draco came back. (ch 30 i think?)

i know that some people were truly outraged on my choice to have draco murdered. a lot of people claimed it was out of character, and there’s a good amount of evidence for that, sure, but i think there’s a fair amount of evidence to show that it’s just as much in character as well.

originally, draco was supposed to live. originally, drarry was going to be end game. originally, abraxas was never supposed to come back to 1998, but sometimes you write the narrative and sometimes it writes itself. jagged was the story that taught me that maybe i’m not an outline type of author, because the final product deviated from the original idea so much that it was more frustrating than helpful.

admittedly, very much of the writing in jagged was therapeutic for me. a lot of hermione’s inner dialogue, self hatred, and “selflessness” are things i either see in myself or wish i could be. she’s far from a perfect character, but she’s powerful, level headed and smart. she doesn’t have many weaknesses revealed, not even when we spend half the story in her point of view. tom makes note of that several times when we get to his pov— that he has hermione on this pedestal, that she seems like some sort of impenetrable force.

but at the end of the day— hermione has dealt with extremely traumatizing situations that she had spent the better part of a year repressing. not only that, she was thrown back into 1998 quite suddenly, and even though we don’t see it in tom’s pov, it’s not hard to imagine how triggering that must be. hermione can put on a mask of indifference but at the end of the day that’s all it is— a mask.

i knew very early on that i was choosing the route of a dark order. the order has always been dark (its war, there’s really no moral high ground, despite what harry was brainwashed into thinking).

i felt very particular about how i wanted to pull this off. i didn’t want it to seem sudden or out of the blue. i also didn’t necessarily want “dark” to mean evil, because i feel like in jagged each and every character can be made out to be evil if you break down their actions in different lights. (this is a completely different essay)

draco’s betrayal was always a very dark spot for hermione. it brought on torture that she wore as proof of his disloyalty in her skin everyday. regardless of his actions or his orders, she thought this for years. she built resentment on it. is it logical for this resentment to play a part in her decision once she knows the truth? absolutely not. but that’s the thing, the moment draco steps into grimmauld place, logic has taken a backseat in hermione’s brain. she’s riding purely on emotions. she knows this, and yes, she has the wherewithal to recollect herself if she wanted to. but she doesn’t. it’s like she told remus. draco is her line.

second, hermione would have never, ever watched draco be tortured. damn the plan, damn the betrayal. she would have died to stop it. she would have gotten them both killed, probably. the point is, she couldn’t have lived with herself if she stood for hours and watched it happen. and with that knowledge, and knowing the pain she suffered through and that draco was able to stomach watching it the entire time… well, it was enough for her to not want him around anymore.

also, this was a last stitch effort for remus to prove his loyalty to her. i didn’t realize it at the time, but hermione and remus’s relationship mirrors jude’s and her step father’s from the cruel prince quite a bit. if you haven’t read it, (what are you waiting for?) the main thing you need to know is that they have an endlessly complicated, painful relationship wherein the love they have for each other is not stronger than their need to fight for what they believe is the greater good.

hermione viewed remus like a father, but that wasn’t a one sided relationship. remus loved hermione endlessly like he would his own child.

yet he still took a “calculated” risk. she was tortured and almost killed because of a decision he made. a decision he never planned on telling her about.

remus says he would do it again. and hermione knows it’s the truth, and in some ways she respects him for it. she’ll always be a soldier at heart. but it also solidifies his spot in her life as someone that will never, ever be family to her again. because hermione wouldn’t risk remus’s life for anything.

so she uses draco as leverage. remus sees draco as mostly innocent. his life lies in remus’s hands. he has to choose. hermione’s side, or draco’s life. it’s vindictive, yes, but hermione has just spent the past 4 years using manipulation to get what she wants. as a reader, it’s not a side of her we get to see a lot (aside from when she’s torturing michael, which admittedly, was meant to be foreshadow to this exact moment)

as an author i could have done a better job throwing in more unpredictable or emotional behavior on her part. but at the time, i really wanted this to be a turning point, not just for the order, but for hermione herself. this is kind of her first selfish decision in a long time. the first time she chooses something simply because it’s what she wants. as readers you may say, “her selfish act was to take a life?!” and to that i say, yes. yes it was.

i wanted hermione to be irrational just because. i wanted her to take her power and abuse it a little. we read stories about strong female characters with endless powers who fight and win big wars just to settle at the end in the name of morality or being the better person.

i didn’t want hermione to settle. i wanted hermione angry because she deserved to be.

of course there are arguments against why she didn’t, and of course logicially killing draco wasn’t the decision that made sense. but that’s the thing, hermione is a flawed character. she doesn’t (and won’t) make all her decisions based on logic.

women deserve to be angry. women don’t need to forgive.

jagged hermione doesn’t need to explain why she wanted draco dead, but as an author, i wanted to.

[mxlfoydraco]

How would you compare and contrast your opinions on Snape and Draco? I do wholeheartedly agree with everything you said in your post about Snape, but I found it interesting that you acknowledge/headcanon that both him and Draco have terrible ways of dealing with their struggles (I'm thinking about your posts on Draco's repressed gayness/toxic masculinity), yet it seems you like Snape less than Draco. Is it that this "hardened and closed off character" never found "softness and empathy" in his entire canonical lifespan? Is it that he carried the toxic coping mechanisms into adulthood? Is it that he had worse trauma/circumstances than Draco? Is it simply vibes? Obviously you're free to like or dislike either of them as much as you want, I was just curious to hear more about this because find a lot of your takes pretty fascinating in general 💖

Hi, thank you for the kind words first of all!

I think you hit it right on the head with carrying toxic coping mechanisms into adulthood! With Draco, we see by the end of HBP that he's disillusioned by the darkness he got himself into, he doesn't want it so much that even Harry's aware of it. In contrast, Snape at that age and forward was a willing death eater, his disillusionment is when he realizes that he's put Lily in danger but... say it was the Longbottoms, the prophecy he passed on was still about a baby.

I do think that being stuck in Hogwarts with constant reminders of his worst memories and regrets was terrible in halting his development but he's still petty and needlessly cruel to children he holds power over, you know? That's harder for me to deal with. I personally don't see Draco remaining as the spiteful angry child he was by that age.

This isn't a moral judgement though! I very recently cried over Voldemort in a fic and he was still himself, messed up characters are interesting as hell too. I'm just endlessly more fascinated by Draco's potential! I love unpacking his ingrained prejudices and internalized toxicity, exploring the bounds of morality/forgiveness/amends/personal responsibility with him.

I do acknowledge that Snape's upbringing is markedly harsher compared to Draco, but I also think that he did have softness and empathy with Lily. I wish that could've been enough but love doesn't cure all you know? Draco's a loved and spoiled child but look at him. I guess at the end of the day I just have more empathy for him and sympathy for the person he could be.

I like your description with "simply vibes" though because yeah, a part of it is also that! Sometimes a character just clicks with you. I can see how Snape's fans would feel similar for him like the way I do for Draco. He's just their person. I think I could think about this more, because my love for Remus and Sirius influence me too but see Draco with Hermione and Ron! It feels like it does boil down to Draco still being a child.

[hogwartsfirebolt]

familial magic

(OR: the one where there's ancient, inherited magic, and Draco's hair color resembles his mother's)

Harry lay on his back. He was smiling, an arm over his head, the sheet pooled over his lower body. The expanse of Draco’s lithe, pale body lay next to his in a failed attempt at a relaxed pose, his every muscle primed for escape, as if, now they were done, he was unsure of the next step. Harry’s smile threatened to spill over into laughter. He reigned it in, sure it would be ill received, and instead extended a hand, trailed gentle fingers through Draco’s long curtain of hair, the strands slipping like silk between his knuckles, a gradient of black, dark brown, yellow, white.

“How did this happen, then?” Harry wondered out loud, a question he’d long meant to ask.

“How did what happen?” Draco replied, bearing Harry’s focused attention with a slight flush, but bearing it all the same. The fact didn’t escape Harry’s notice. Draco was intensely private, and yet he was allowing him this. Harry’s happiness was a throb inside his chest.

“Your hair. I remember how it would catch the light,” Harry explained, and indeed a fine, smooth strand of white between his fingers caught the light of the slow burning lamp of Harry’s bedside. He dropped it tenderly, singled out a much darker, nearly almond-toned lock. “It has changed. It’s darker in places, now.”

“What a great observer you are,” was Draco’s dry response, transparent. Harry said nothing. He couldn’t stop smiling. Eventually, Draco looked away and cleared his throat. “My mother. Surely you remember her dark hair, and the lighter strands she kept near the front. When she passed, mine changed to match.”

Harry blinked, the realization slow-dawning. “Familial magic.” The notion was exciting and painted the young man next to him in an even more intriguing light than Harry already regarded him with, which he hadn’t believed possible. Draco’s nod drove Harry to sit up, to reach out and bring Draco’s pale hand close to his chest, heart pounding. “What else?���

He was thinking of his own mother, of the letter he had found inside an oak chest in the vault he’d inherited when he came of age. The letter, one he had puzzled over for nearly a decade, about familial magic, ancient heritage. He was thinking of Narcissa, of her cool, grey gaze, which was now Draco’s.

Draco regarded him quietly. He was quicker to understand than Harry had been. “When I changed, my familiar found me. Now, I can summon it at will.”

Harry knew very little about familiars, could recall himself all too well as a boy, only half listening to a long-winded lecture. The appeal of an echo of his ancestors taking up the form of an animal to walk alongside him had been lost on his younger self, too concerned with the sunny day outside the windows and the call of sport on his small, energetic body to focus on what he was being told. He’d thought familial magic extinct. The multicolored wonder that was Draco’s bright head proved him wrong. He felt his breath escape his body as he asked, low, “Can I see it?”

He had no right. But Draco had allowed him inside his body just minutes before, had allowed him knowledge Harry had no right to, and after a moment’s pause, he nodded and allowed him this, as well. The golden, flickering light of the lamp highlighted Draco’s delicate features as he bowed his head, lips moving in what appeared to be private, close-eyed prayer. When his eyes fluttered open, there was a new presence in the room. At the foot of the bed, with long, pointed ears that turned as though to chase noise, stood a feline unlike any Harry had seen up close before, fur the color of blackest night. Poised on powerful hind legs, its intelligent gaze passed over Harry to settle on Draco, who welcomed it with an outstretched arm. The animal allowed its head to be touched. Draco’s full lips, which he typically held in a repressed line, curled into a smile, all signs of previous tension gone from the lines of his body.

“This is Anæ,” Draco murmured. “She is my familiar.”

“A panther,” Harry whispered. All he could do was stare. The animal leapt gracefully onto the bed, the mattress barely dipping at its weight. She circled Draco, rubbing her agile body against his side, a contrast of dark fur against pale skin. Harry had questions. He did not know where to start. “Does she speak?”

“Only for me to hear,” Draco replied. “She is me. She is my mother, and her mother before her, she is my grandfather, she is my own magic. What she wants to communicate, I always know.”

Harry had no right. Still, he extended his hand. “May I?”

Draco’s smile grew. “My magic knows you already. You’ve been ... closer.” He took Harry’s hand, held it to his lips. “Anæ, this is him,” Draco murmured, and stretched their joined hands towards her muzzle.

The panther sniffed Harry’s fingers, exhaled once. She could rip his hand out, he knew. She nuzzled his palm instead.

“She likes me?”

“I told you,” Draco murmured. “She is me.”

Other than the two titles I offered at the top of the post, this work can also be referred to as "the one where the author tried very hard to emulate the writing style of captive prince". I think I was a little successful, and that would not have happened at all without @opalwritesopioid 's spot-on suggestions and @the-starryknight 's thoughtful, lovely comments. I can't thank you both enough ❤️

[minutiaewritings]

What am I now? ⋆ Draco Malfoy

A/N- So this is part two to but ‘i knew you’. I was gonna use the rest of the song, ‘cardigan’ by taylor swift. However, while I was showering ‘falling’ by harry styles came on and i got this brilliant idea. This part is in Draco’s pov too:) 

part one- but i knew you

I'm in my bed And you're not here And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands Forget what I said It's not what I meant And I can't take it back I can't unpack the baggage you left

Draco lied in his bed, staring lazily at the ceiling. There was a party happening in the room of requirements, hosted by the Slytherin house. It was a celebration for winning the quidditch match against Ravenclaw. It was a hard game, so a celebration was in order. Draco could imagine the music pulsing through the room, drunk teens dancing awfully as they rode out their hormone fueled dreams. Draco was much more content with laying in his room, enjoying the rare silence. 

It had been a few months since the start of his 7th year. The war was over, his father was in Azkaban and he was sure to stay there for a while. Draco’s mom had changed, slowly but surely. Over the last summer, Draco had spent his time alone in the large mansion of Malfoy manner. Draco remembered how his mom no longer sat in her favorite lounge, reading one of her disgustingly girly magazines. Instead most of the time, he found her curled up in her bed. Sometimes he could hear her sniffling, choking back tears but mostly he found her sleeping soundly. 

Draco had changed too, he didn’t care for the rivalry of the Hogwarts houses, he didn’t care about teasing potter and his disgusting friends. He didn’t care for a lot of things now. Except Y/N. 

Merlin, Y/N.

The beautiful eyed girl who plagued his thoughts more often than not. He remembered the night at the astronomy tower, the last time he had spoken to her. He remembered how her perfect frame shook with rage before she cursed him and stormed out, leaving the pureblood alone with his thoughts. That night, Draco had cried. He cried alone in the tower, feeling corned. He had broken the heart of one of the most important people in his life. 

Draco knew why he did it, why he pushed you away and broke you. He was doing it to protect you, the last thing he needed was for you to get wrapped up in his death eaters bullshit. He wanted you safe, and if that meant making you hate him, so be it. 

But was it worth it? Was it worth losing you? Maybe you would’ve stayed with him through the war. Helping and soothing him during his night terrors. Maybe you would’ve hated him anyway, calling him a traitor and a monster. He wouldn’t blame you. 

But for now he lied alone in his bed. Suddenly his door flew open, Blaise in the doorway with a drunken smile. “Draco! Theo yacked all over me and this girl, came up here to change. Why aren’t you at the party? It’s absolutely wicked down up there.” His words were slurred and sewed together. He pranced over to one of his drunks and popped it open. Blaise grabbed an emerald green sweater, slipping off his soiled shirt. 

“Don’t care much to be smooshed by a bunch of drunk imbeciles .” Draco said coldly.

“That’s a shame, there’s some beautiful creatures up there. Y/N looks absolutely pang.” Draco wondered if Blaise knew what he had just said. 

“What was she wearing?” Draco asked before he could stop himself. Since when did you party? You never cared to go to any of the house parties unless Malfoy dragged you there himself. 

“I think it was blue or maybe black. Wait!” Blaise held a hand towards Draco, collecting his intoxicated thoughts. “Yeah it’s black. Definitely black” He laughed at himself shamelessly. 

“Black what, you prat. A black sock?” Draco found himself grinning at his friend’s current state.

“A black dress.” Blaise said simply. Draco swallowed hard, despite the voice in the bag of his head nagging him to stay in bed, Draco found himself wanting to see you. He would be perfectly fine with just one glance. Then his hunger would be fine for the night and possibly he could enjoy the party. 

“Stay right there. I’m coming to the party.” Draco rose to his feet and went to his wardrobe. He pulled out a simple, black long sleeve shirt and a pair of nice yet comfortable gray slacks. Draco slipped on a pair of new, shiny black dress shoes before turning to Theo’s small mirror on the wall. He checked his reflection, he looked tired but he doubted anyone would notice. 

When Blaise and Draco arrived inside the room of requirements, he was greeted with the loud music. There were plenty of people there, from all of the houses. He even saw a couple of ravenclaws taking some firewhisky shots. 

Shots sounded perfect right now, it would help Draco calm his nerves. Blaise saw one of his many friends on the way to the drink table, leaving Draco alone as he poured himself a shot. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and down the substance with ease. Another one, and another one. On his fourth shot in the span of three minutes, Draco felt better already. His eyes danced around the scenery in front of him, he saw some of his so called ‘friends’. But then he saw you. 

And merlin you looked good. So good. You’re hair was a little longer than the last time he saw you. Your cheeks were painted red as you smiled happily at Harry, who was wrapped up with the Weasley girl. Draco could tell you were drunk, or at least very tipsy. You were sawing softly as you giggled with Potter and his friends. You looked happy, and Draco was content with that. 

After that night night at the astronomy tower, Draco had watched you slowly break. Before summer vacation, he noticed you stopped going to the great halls for meals. You always seemed so tired and empty. You wore a neutral expression almost always. You never laughed or showed any emotion, it broke Draco’s heart. 

Draco was brought to the memory of Pansy and you. You’d been walking down the halls alone when you passed Draco and his friends. You kept your head down as you walked by, and he watched you carefully. He couldn’t stop Pansy’s bloody words. She called out after you, causing you to turn towards the group. Pansy mentioned Y/N’s current state, mentioning and giggling at Y/N’s sudden change in behavior. “Did someone hurt our dear Y/N?” Pansy’s sickening voice spoke. Y/N had stared at Pansy with an empty expression. Draco swallowed as he remembered her eyes. She had looked at the raven-haired girl with nothing in her eyes. No sadness, anger, or amusement. Draco took note of how Pansy shifted uncomfortably under your intense gaze. Then you turned on your heel and left. 

Draco normally would’ve laughed at Pansy’s failed attempt at bullying but he couldn’t. Because Pansy was right, someone had broken your heart. And it was him. 

“Dray.” A girl Draco didn’t recognize purred next to him. He glared down at her. 

“May I help you with something? Or do you take pleasure in bothering people when you’re piss drunk?” He spit out. He repressed a laugh as the girl’s smirk fell and morphed into a sad, shocked expression. When she didn't speak, Draco turned and poured himself a large cup of tainted tonic water and firewhiskey. 

Draco left the drink table and made his way through the crowd, aiming towards a large couch in the middle of the party. No one was sitting on it surprisingly, but he wouldn’t complain. Draco sat in the middle of the couch, sinking into the soft cushions. Draco sipped his drink slowly, wishing he had stayed in his bed. 

But I want her to be in bed with me, playing with my hair and kissing my neck. Merlin I miss her kisses. 

Draco’s brain thought, he shook it away. This was his fault, all of it. He wasn’t strong enough to go against his family, and he had to pay the consequences. 

“Sorry. I didn’t see your legs. You have really long legs.” A beautiful giggle filled his ears as he looked at the girl in front of him. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that you had tripped over his stretched out legs. You were on the floor, on your knees as you looked down and fixed the top of your dress. When you lifted your gaze, Draco’s eyes met with yours. 

You looked sweaty and had rosy cheeks from all the drinks you’ve must’ve consumed. Draco’s heart hammered against his chest as you just stared at him. But you’re face had so many expressions, you looked shocked, scared, happy and sad. Draco swallowed thickly, past the lump forming in his throat. You just sat there on the floor and stared at him. 

 “Hello.” Draco said simply. He wanted to slap his face, hello? really? The first words he’s spoken to you in 6 months and it’s hello?

You stared at him again. “Hi.” He couldn’t read your tone. 

“Having fun?” He cleared his throat, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

“I was.” Now Draco could tell you were upset. You shuffled up to your feet, trying to stable your balance before you turned away from him. 

Draco found himself reaching out to you, he gripped your arm carefully and pulled you back. A flashback from the astronomy tower came into his head. Draco had turned to leave as well, but you hugged him and cried. Begging him to stay. In return, Draco said some of the worst lies ever. Everything he said to you was quite the opposite of how he felt towards you. 

“Y/N. I’m sorry-” A sharp stinging feeling landed on Draco’s left cheek. His head was whipped around before he rubbed his face slightly. You slapped him. “What the hell, Y/L/N!” 

“You...” You’re voice wavered. You stared at Draco, tears in your eyes. “You don’t get to apologize to me!” Tears were now falling down your cheeks. Draco wanted nothing more than to wipe them away, but he restrained himself. “You don’t get to apologize after you broke me. I trusted you! I gave you everything I had. I gave you all my time and love, I gave you me. I-I just wanted to help you, even if it was a little bit. I just wanted to make you happy, Draco.” You looked so small when you cried, Draco hated seeing you cry. Hated it even more that it was because of him. Guilt burned in his chest as you continued. “I loved you with every fiber in my body.  I used to dream about you, about us. And I hate that I still do. I still dream about your stupid, perfect face. But I-I I’m finally finding myself again. I’m starting to feel better too, I’m not gonna let you walk back into my life and fuck me up again. I can’t afford to lose myself again just to have you back in my arms.” You wiped the tears from your cheeks before you looked at him again. “But like you said, you’re done with me. I was merely an experience.” You turned and left, leaving Draco feeling empty with the encounter. 

Draco watched you walk away, you practically walked across the whole room. You were walking as far away as possible from Draco. Draco huffed out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. Maybe those shots weren’t the best idea. Draco could feel himself getting worked up. He was angry, angry that you were walking away from him. Angry that he was letting you walk away from him. 

Draco turned and grabbed his drink off the side table next to the couch, chugging it. Once the drink was warmly settling into his stomach, Draco tossed the cup onto the floor. Draco needed to get out of the party, away from everyone and their wandering eyes. He pushed passed people, some of them cursing at him. 

Once Draco had reached the empty, dull hallway, he took a deep breath. He could finally breathe again. Draco’s feet carried him towards his favorite spot, the astronomy tower. Once inside, he slammed the door shut, wincing at the loud same. Draco could feel the alcohol taking it’s full effect, making his head spin as he sat on the windowsill. So many thoughts were running through his head. Draco rubbed his temple softly, groaning. Way too many shots. 

Draco looked out towards the horizon. It was a full moon, and the scenery looked absolutely stunning. The boy found his mind wandering to you again, images from your guy’s fresh encounter engraved in his mind. Draco really had broken you, more than he had realized in the beginning.

And he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t take back those awful things he said to you. He couldn’t reverse the damage that had been done. Draco rubbed the few tears that began to form in the back of his eyes. 

He couldn’t get rid of the memories. Memories of you throwing your head back, laughing carelessly at something he said. Draco couldn’t forget the way you bit your lower lip and the way your nose scrunched at the corners when you were studying. Your perfect hair, the way it fell effortlessly around you. He missed those tired eyes you gave him in the early, dewy mornings. He missed your lips, how they molded with his oh-so-perfectly. How they were always so warm and full, in need of his own lips. 

Draco let the tears fall freely. He was tired of missing you, tired of missing everything about you. He just wanted you to come back to him, he would get on his knees for you, in front of the whole damn school if needed. He didn’t care at this point, anything to have you in his arms again. 

----

What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm fallin' again I'm fallin' again I'm fallin'

Everyone must have felt drained from last nights party. A few people littered the great hall here and there, eating their breakfast slowly. 

Draco sat in the middle of the Slytherin table alone, scooping a small amount of vanilla Greek yogurt onto the his plate. He sat and ate his breakfast in silence. His mind drifted to you as usual, particularly last nights event.

Did you not love him anymore? Is that why you were so quick to turn down his apology. No, that couldn’t be. You’d said it yourself, ‘I still dream about your stupid, perfect face.’ 

So maybe there was a chance, a very slim chance that he could get you back. But would you want him back? Want him to stick around? No, you didn’t. You had said it yourself again, he heard the words from your very mouth. You didn’t want to lose yourself again. Draco understood that. He never realized how much you gave him until it was gone; until you were gone. 

Draco didn’t blame you for not wanting him back. He was a negative person, that he could admit to himself. He got jealous quickly, he remembered accusing you once of cheating with one of the Weasley twins. Draco wished more than ever that he could go back and take it back, take it all back. But he couldn’t. 

Draco slammed his spoon onto the table, causing a few students to look up from their meals and glance at the blonde. The boy stood to his feet, making his way back to his bedroom. 

Draco stopped in his tracks, looking at the end of the empty hall. Blaise and Theo were probably still snoring away, and he didn’t want to hear any of it. He could go to the Astronomy tower, yet the idea didn’t seem to please him enough. Where could he go? The room of requirement? No, he was sure someone would monitor the entrance after last night. Draco continued to walk, figuring that walking would do him some good. 

Draco went down two flights of stair before his shoes met the beginning of the green grass. Draco began walking towards the greenhouse in front of him. Pulling open the glass door, Draco took a deep breath. The air felt warm and sticky, the smell of soil filling it. It was a comforting scent, Draco wasn’t sure why that was. Taking a seat on one of the chairs, Draco allowed his thoughts to roam again. 

Draco didn’t like himself anymore, he didn’t like who he had become after the war. He missed how care free he used to be, he missed laughing with Blaise over stupid, childish things. He missed being happy. Some nights, while Draco lied in bed, he felt his skin crawl. Almost as if he was trying to shed a layer of skin. Those were the moments he wished he could shed his skin, become a different person. A new person who was loved by all and genuinely good-hearted. 

Maybe then you would be his again, if he was kinder and more sensitive to other’s feelings. Draco wanted nothing more to be that way, not only for you but himself as well. Draco hated the voice in his head, the one that was always hateful and vile. 

He knew he wouldn’t enjoy his own company if he were in someone else’s shoes. Because who wants someone who is an absolute asshole? Not Draco, and certainly not you. 

----

What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm fallin' again I'm fallin' again I'm fallin' 

And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again 

In all his years of attending Hogwarts, he never once had a substitute teacher. Draco peered over at  McGonagall who sat in Slughorn’s usual seat in the front of class. McGonagall explained at the beginning of class that Slughorn had been attacked by a student’s potion gone-wrong. Slughorn was in the medical wing for the rest of the day. Luckily, the new headmistresses allowed her students to use this class as a study hall. Everyone seemed to wear the same surprised expression, but no one complained. 

Pansy sat next to Draco, talking his ear off. Did this girl have stop talking? Just for a minute? Draco looked over his Herbology textbook and rubbed his temples slowly. Her constant yapping was giving him a migraine. “Shut your trap, Parkinson.” He mumbled, his eyes not leaving the words written before him. 

“Excuse me?” Pansy sneered, glaring at the blonde. 

“As much as I would love to hear about your loathsome life, I’m trying to read. You should try it sometime, or are you dead from the neck up?” Draco looked at her with a bored expression. 

“I-I..” She fumbled over her tongue, how pathetic. 

“Go torment Blaise or something.” With that she stood, making her way to Theo and Blaise’s shared table. 

Finally, peace and quiet. Draco pulled out a piece of parchment paper and his quill, taking some notes here and there. His study session was short lived when he heard you voice whisper something harshly. 

“Hermione, drop it. I don’t want to talk about it.” You said softly. Your table was just in front of his, giving the boy the perfect excuse to stare longingly at the back of your head without getting caught. 

“Y/n...”Hermione began to speak slowly. “You promised me at the beginnig of this year that you would be honest with me, that you’d speak what’s on your mind. You haven’t been doing a very good job of that.” Draco could only imagine Y/N’s face at those words, she hated when people spoke down to her. 

“Hermione. Drop it. Now, I’m not telling you about what happened at the party the other night. I have every right to not tell you anything.” Draco could tell you were upset by the tone in your voice and the way your posture slouched slightly. 

“But you have to, you prom-”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what I promised! I’m not talking about Draco anymore, I have no need to! If you want me to heal and move on so bad; stop asking me about him every bloody minute! It’s exhausting.” Your voice was a little louder now. A couple of students turned and eyed you curiously. 

Hermione tucked her head down slightly, mumbling out an apology. Draco’s quill suddenly snapped in his grasp, the noise causing you to turn and look at the cause. 

Draco stared at you, sadness and anger evident in his beautiful blue eyes. He could tell you read his face with ease, you chewed on your bottom lip nervously. You turned forward, Draco still staring at you. Before Draco realized what he was doing, he stood to his feet, scrapping his belongings into his bag sloppily. He stormed out of the class, ignoring everyone’s confused gazes and McGonagall’s shrill voice. 

He let his legs carry him wherever they wished. Draco felt dizzy with all the thoughts swarming around him. You didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t even want to speak his name. It hurt than Draco could ever imagine, he was losing you. Draco’s hands shook as he waved at the Slytherin portrait before speaking the password with a shaky breath. Once in the common room, Draco sat on the leather couch. He threw his bag on the floor and sighed heavily. Maybe he had lost you, for good.

Would Draco be able to live in a world with her? Could he wake up every morning knowing that the girl he loved the most resented him? No. He couldn’t. The thought alone of never holding you again caused bile to crawl and fight at the back of his throat. He had to fix this, Draco needed to get you back. But how? Surely you wouldn’t want him back, but still Draco needed to fight for you. 

 ----

You said you cared And you missed me, too And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you And the coffee's out At the Beachwood Café And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

Draco stood nervously outside of the library, waiting for you. He knew every Wednesday you would come to the library after your last class, you used the time to catch up with homework and your studies. He always admired how hard working you were. 

Draco sucked in a harsh breath as he saw you making your way towards him, or more so the library. You didn’t even divert your eyes to the boy as you passed him. Draco frowned, catching up with you. “Y/N.” He said quietly so Madame Pince wouldn’t chew him out. 

You ignored him as you continued walking towards your usual table. When you took a seat, Draco followed. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. He could tell you were already annoyed. “Y/N, can I have a word with you please?” Draco asked gently. 

“I suppose you’re already here, Malfoy. What do you want?” You were cold, harsh. 

Draco swallowed thickly before clearing his throat. Why was he so bloody nervous? “Look, I’m sorry. I know you hate me now, but I’m still madly in love with you. I want us again, I need you to be mine again.” Draco offered you soft eyes. 

“No.” You said simply as you pulled out your tattered potions book. 

“Fine, hate me all you want Y/L/N. But all I’m asking is for you to grab one butterbeer with me this weekend, please. We can sit in complete silence if that’s what you wish. All I want is for us to dissolve this tension at the very least.” 

You knaweled on your lower lip, fingers fiddling with the collar of your shirt. “Fine, only so we can both move on and you’ll leave me alone.”  

Draco tried to hide the frown that was dying to creep up onto his lips. He nodded quickly. “Sure, whatever. Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron half past four.” Draco grabbed his belongings and left the library. 

The weekend came faster than Draco wished it to. It wasn’t that he was unhappy to see you, he was above the clouds with that idea. The boy was just nervous, extremely nervous. The type of nervous that caused him to constantly wipe his hands on his pants to rid the moisture from it. 

You were twenty minutes late, where the hell were you? Where you blowing him off? Draco had considered this may happen. Draco was pulled from his thoughts as he saw you approach him. You pulled out a chair and sat down silently. “I got you a butterbeer with extra foam, just how you like it.” Draco pushed your glass towards you with his won. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly, He could see your cheeks growing a beautiful shade of red. Maybe this would go good, hopefully. 

Silence filled the air between the two students, each one of them having millions and millions of thoughts crossing their brains. Draco bounced his leg anxiously under the table. “Thank you for coming, really.” Draco said softly, looking up at you. You nodded shortly.

“Sure, no problem.” Silence again. 

“I miss you.” Draco said before he could comprehend what he just said. You looked at him with wide eyes.

“I-I miss you too.” For the first time in forever, Draco smiled a genuine smile. 

“Really?” He couldn’t believe you. 

“I do.” You ran a hand through your hair, letting out a soft sigh.

“Do you still care about me?” 

“That’s my problem Draco, I never stopped caring about you.” You admitted. Draco’s eyes widened, you did care for him. This was going better than expected. 

Silence filled the air once more as you finished your butter beer. Draco wasn’t sure what to say. You didn’t seem what know what to say either. The silence was killing him, the two of you never had an awkward moment ever. Conversation came with ease, and he always enjoyed talking to you. You made him laugh, his real snorting laugh. But that seemed like such a long time ago, now you guys sat in awkwardness. No words spoken and eye contact avoided. 

“I have to go, I promised Ron I would help him study.” You began to stand, causing Draco’s chest to tighten. Draco nodded curtly. 

“Sure.” With that you left, leaving the boy to stare at your empty glass. 

----

What am I now? What am I now? What if you're someone I just want around? I'm fallin' again I'm fallin' again I'm fallin'

It had been three long, atrocious weeks since you had met Draco at the Leaky Cauldron. He hadn’t spoken to you since, even though he was dying to hear your voice again. You seemed to be avoiding him. It hurt when you dodged his eyes through the crowed hallways and how you always seemed to be leaving wherever he arrived. Draco hadn’t slept in over 24 hours. His eyes stung as he walked through the court yard, since when was the sun so bright? Draco rubbed a hand over his eyes and groaned slightly. Merlin he just wanted his life back, he just wanted you back. 

“What’s the matter Malfoy?” Blaise said from beside him. Draco had completely forgotten they have been walking together. 

“Nothing.” Draco shrugged, Blaise knew he was lying.

“Your an awful liar.” Blaise laughed deeply. 

“Oh yeah? And you’re an impressionable twat.” Draco sneered, glaring at his best friend. 

Blaise stopped walking, turning towards Draco. “What’s wrong? Seriously mate, I know you didn’t sleep last night. And you’re far more irritable then usual.”

Draco sighed. “It’s Y/N. I want her back but she seems to want nothing to do with me.”

“Didn’t you guys just go to Hogsmeade together a couple weeks back?” Blaise raised a curious eyebrow. Draco nodded. 

“But it wasn’t a date, we barely even spoke to each other. It was disastrous.”

“You need to be honest-”

“I have been!” Draco interrupted defensively. 

“Let me finish, you git! You need to be honest with her, bring her somewhere private and be honest. Tell her everything Draco, you need to show her that you’re genuinely sorry. That you want her back.” Blaise said simply with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Draco pondered the idea for a moment. “You’re right. You’re so bloody right!” Draco’s mood changed drastically. He was now more alert, looking around the court yard for you. You were nowhere to be found, of course. 

“Can you do me one, Blaise? Tell Y/N to meet me at our old spot at midnight.” Draco looked at his friend with a pleading expression. 

“I despise getting wrapped up in your shit, Malfoy. But I’ll do my best.” Draco smiled before waving goodbye to his friend. 

“Thank you! I’ve got to run to charms or Flitwick will have my head on a platter.” Draco hurried off, speed walking and shoving aside the people that walked too slow for his liking. Making it just in time, Draco took a seat next to some Hufflepuff girl. She looked nervously over at him, he met her eyes. 

“Hello, do you have a staring problem sweetheart?” Draco said smoothly. The girl shook her head quickly, mumbling an apology and turning her attention to the front of the classroom. Flitwick began the lecture, causing Draco to yawn softly. Merlin he felt drained.

Draco sat nervously on the windowsill on the astronomy tower. Draco had decided during Charms that this was gonna be his final attempt at getting you back. After tonight, if you didn’t want him then fine, so be it. Draco tried his best to believe that this was going to work, but he knew with his luck it most likely wouldn’t The door of the astronomy tower creaked up, making Draco turn. 

“Blaise?” You said questioningly as you stepped inside, shutting the door softly. The moonlight casted it’s presence on you, making Draco’s heart thump harder than before. 

“No, It’s me.” Draco spoke smoothly, trying his best to sound sure of himself. 

“Why did you have me meet you here?” You asked suspiciously. 

“I have something to tell you. And this will be the last time I tell you this.” Draco took a deep breath as he stood to his feet. His damn palms were sweating again. Draco wiped his hands on his pants before clearing his throat and speaking. “Look, Y/N. I fucked up. Big time. Hurting you was the worst mistake of my life, and trust me as you know I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I take it all back, all those vile things I said to you in this very room so many months ago. None of it was true, not then and not now. You’re everything to me. Everything. I only said those things so you could hate me, I wanted you to stay far away from me as possible. I didn’t want you to get caught up with a death eater. I wanted to protect you. I love you, Y/N. All I’m asking is for one more chance, one more chance to have you be mine once more. Please.” Draco swallowed the growing saliva in his mouth. “If you don’t want me back, fine. I’ll leave you alone forever. I’ll never bother you again. I promise, you have my word. Draco watched as you raked through your brain, trying to put your words together.

After a long, painful moment of silence, you finally spoke. “How do I even know you’re serious? you played with my emotions Draco, you had such terrible mood swings and I tried so hard to be patient, I’m still patient dammit. It just hurts when you’re warm and loving one day and completely distant and cold the next.” He watched you spoke, a frown cracking through his “unfazed” façade.

Draco straightened his face. “Okay. I understand that and um-erm-I..” Draco scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to work on controlling my emotions, my outbursts. I love you Y/N. I love you with the type of love that I cant describe. you consume me, utterly consume me. every time I'm with you it’s like you’ve completely engulfed me. I love you okay? I want to be a better person for you, eventually for myself too hopefully. I want to be the person you want around, the person who show your ugliest side to, the person you can come to whenever you’re breaking.” Draco felt his cheeks begin to burn as tears filled the boys eyes. Letting out a shaky breath, Draco continued. “I-I never had someone who truly loved me, my dad has always been distant and foul towards me. Anytime I showed any signs of weakness, punishment. Because purebloods and wealthy people have to be strong and unyielding. my mother simply based her parenting on whatever my father wanted and whatever made my family look the best. you however,” Draco stood closer to you now, gripping your hands in his. He rubbed soft circles into your skin as he continued. “You Y/N, You’ve shown me what was love is, what it’s meant to be. You’re so understanding. Everytime I think I went too far and I’ve lost you, you understand and you forgive me. You never have held me to my past, my family’s decisions. You only hold me to my word, and myself alone. That is why I love you. Why I’m so bloody in love with you, right now! At this very moment I would do anything to call you mine again, to have you by my side.” Draco searched your face as you looked at him with tears in your eyes.

Then, you did what he’s missed the most. You kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, no rushed movements, no searching hands. Only two people expressing all the words they couldn’t say with one kiss. Draco pulled away, trying to suppress the smile playing on his lips. “Does this mean you’re mine again?” You nodded shyly, causing Draco’s heart to spike. “Merlin!” He yelled at the top his lungs, causing you to laugh. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into the tightest hug he could muster.

“Crushing. Me.” You wheezed out with a repressed giggle.

“I’m sorry my love!” He exclaimed. “I promise you won’t regret your decision. I will spend every moment to make up for our lost time, I’ll always be so sorry about this whole thing. For everything I said.”

You looked up at the him with eyes that would bring any man to his knees. “Dray.” You said softly, lips barely moving. Draco could hear his heart in his ears as he swallowed. “I forgive you, we’ve got this okay? And I’m sorry for slapping you, I assume we both have things to work on.”

Draco gave a toothy grin. “You’re my favorite.”

----

A/N I tried to tie one piece of the taylor swift’s song to this:)  i hope you enjoyed part two! Tbh I feel a little iffy about this one, but I appreciate everyone who asked me to do a part two and showed support and love! much love babes

[mea-laetitia]

Hii can I request Harry getting dating advice from James and Lily or/and Remus and Sirius? For dating Draco. Only if you like the prompt of course♥️ No pressure at all!

sorry this took some time to get out, but I hope you like it!

---

pairing: wolfstar, drarry, and jily

CW: mild language + the teensiest bit of suggestiveness. 

---

the giving of “advice”

Harry stood behind the door and listened to his family’s conversation, waiting for the perfect opportunity to enter the room. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to talk to them, after all he had already come out to them, there wasn’t really much else to hide from them. Other than his whopping feelings for someone his family only know as Harry’s ex enemy, Draco Malfoy.

That was the thing. Harry wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to talk about blokes now just because they knew he liked them. Was it taboo to ask for advice about boys? Surely not, since he knows for a fact that all his other friends go to their parents for advice about girls.

He was thankful for once that Remus wasn’t in there with him. Harry knew if he was there he would be able to sniff out almost instantly what his problem was. The man had always been great at reading between the lines, but for once Harry didn’t want him to say it for him. That was all well and good when it came to several other uncomfortable conversations he had had in the past, but this was different.

So before he could chicken out he pushed open the doors with a flourish, and stepped into the cosy living room. Three heads turned to him at once, and three smiles instantly bloomed on their faces. His mum and dad sat together, holding hands in an embarrassing display of affection, and across from them on the armchair sat his godfather Sirius.

“Harry m’boy!” James said warmly, shuffling over on the couch to make room for him.

“Hi.” Harry replied, his nerves making his voice shake slightly.

Well, now that he was here there was no point stewing in his nerves. He might as well just get straight to it.

He cleared his throat and crossed his legs, fiddling with a loose thread on the cushions. “Listen there’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course we don’t.” His mother smiled reassuringly, and he felt slightly better.

He nodded, more to himself really, staring at his lap. “I need some advice.”

And before he could even begin to muster the courage to start his spiel Sirius was beaming like a mad-man and shouting something about how it was ‘finally happening’ and turning to Harry with somehow the most serious and yet relaxed expression and asking if he could get Remus because he was ‘oh so good at giving advice’ and Harry was nodding, bewildered, and they were all ignoring mutterings from James about ‘hijacking my son’s moment’ and then a confused looking Remus was summoned and sat down on the leg of Sirius’ armchair and it took a total of three minutes to get Sirius to calm down from excitement and finally the room went quiet again and the adults stared at Harry expectantly.

Harry let out an anxious breath.

“Well, as you all know I’m bi.” He started shakily, and Sirius opened his mouth to interject, no doubt excitedly, again, but Remus shook his head and he was silenced. “And well… you see the thing is…I…”

Oh Merlin he couldn’t even get it out. He was floundering big time and if he didn’t get it out soon it would be even more awkward.

But then his mother interjected, leaning forward to pat his leg. “You like someone don’t you?”

Harry flushed pink but nodded.

“Is it anyone we know?” James asked, and Harry nodded, feeling his nerves slowly dissipate.  

They were staring at him expectantly still. At this point it was only him who could say; there was no way they would guess it, even Remus would struggle.

“Before I tell you though you have to promise not to laugh, or say anything mean about him.”

They all nodded, though Remus was squinting at him suspiciously.

Perhaps Harry had underestimated his ability to pick up unspoken words. But it didn’t matter, because it was to be out in seconds anyway.

“It’s Draco.” He finally admitted, and felt the weight of this confession drop off his shoulders almost immediately.

“Malfoy.” He added last minute, in case they forgot the last name of his former enemy and now it seemed, crush. “I hope that’s okay.”

Remus was nodding like he expected it. “That makes sense, enemies to lovers and all.”

Sirius hit him lightly, but he was smiling like there was a shared joke between them. “Not everything’s a fucking romance novel Moony.”

“Language!” Lily scolded, though she didn’t seem to care. She turned to Harry. “And of course we don’t mind Harry, as long as you’re happy.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief, but his father still hadn’t said anything. He was staring into the fire thoughtfully.

Then he finally spoke. “I’m assuming the rivalry is completely over now then? Neither of you are bullying each other no more?”

Harry scoffed lightly. “We didn’t bully each other we were enemies, there’s a difference.”

But a knowing glance from his father said he knew otherwise. “You were certainly very cruel to one another, and just because you like the boy romantically now doesn’t change the past. I want to know that he’s definitely got the memo you aren’t rivals.”

At this Harry nodded eagerly. “Oh definitely, we haven’t argued in months. In fact, I might go as far as to say we’re sort of friends. Well…actually that’s what I wanted some advice about.”

“Fire away.” His father said, seemingly comfortable with his son’s word.

Harry nibbled his lip slightly. Now that the hard bit was out of the way he was able to focus on the actual matter at hand; why Draco had been acting so damn strange lately.

“Well the thing is…we’re kind of friends right now. But ever since I realized that I like him, er, like that, he’s kind of been jumpy around me, like he can’t meet my gaze anymore. I don’t know if maybe he knows I like him for some reason, or if he found out I like blokes and he hates me now. What if he likes blokes himself and he’s uncomfortable being around another bloke who does because he thinks I’ll try to...I don’t know, kiss him or something?”

At the end of this confession Harry was out of breath and both Remus and Sirius were laughing lightly, shooting each other yet another knowing glance, like they had another inside joke. But Harry didn’t see how that could be possible when they were only just learning about all this.

“What is it?” He asked accusingly, feeling his cheeks flush again.

Sirius stopped laughing and whacked Remus’ thigh again to get him to stop too. He grinned at Harry and leant back in his chair in utter nonchalance. “Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry my sweet sweet godchild. You are a fool, boy.”

Harry gaped indignantly. “What? No I’m not!”

Remus reached forward to ruffle his already unruly hair, laughing again. “Yes you are.”

“Listen Harry I know repressed gay when I see it.” Sirius said. “And Draco Malfoy positively REEKS of it.”

“It’s true.” Remus nodded solemnly. “Sirius here didn’t spend years pining over me to ignore the signs. Ow!”

Sirius whacked him again but to Harry’s surprise his face grew slightly red as well. “What can I say, I’m an expert.”

“So…you think Draco’s gay too?” Harry gulped nervously, as if their answer would be the ultimate confirmation.

Remus shook his head. “Not only is he into boys Harry, but he’s very clearly into you.”

And Harry didn’t know what to say to this. He stared around the room at the adults who all seemed to agree with Remus. They were amused, though not taunting him. His mother smiled at him softly. “Harry it seems you’re almost as oblivious as your father was.”

“Excuse me?” James intervened, looking down at his wife with a feigned expression of indignance.

Lily rolled her eyes. “For so many years absolutely positive I would agree to go out with you you were a little too blind to my advances when I finally started tolerating you.”

“Only because I was shocked a woman of your caliber could actually like me.”

“ANYWAY can we please get back to my own love life please.” Harry grimaced as his parents shared a kiss.

“God, yes please.” Sirius faked a gag, and dodged a pillow thrown at him by James.

“Yes, it’s a little to heterosexual in here for my liking.” Remus commented, and then proceeded to snog the living shit out of Sirius, falling off the arm of the chair and into his husband’s lap.

Harry groaned and shoved his face into the couch, blocking out the blatant PDA that surrounded him. “STOP IT OH MY GOD!”

The couples begrudgingly detached themselves, chuckling lightly and Harry felt James pat his back. “‘Safe to come out now son.”

Harry groaned at the inadvertent gay joke and turned back around, grimacing at their amused gazes. “Starting to wish I never asked for advice in the first place.” He grumbled.

“Don’t be silly Harry, we’re only teasing.” Remus smiled.

“Alright you want advice? Here you go:” Sirius leaned forward, capturing his godson’s attention. “When you’re back from Christmas break, go up to Draco…and then fuc-“

“NO!” Remus and Lily shouted, and Lily shot a dark glare at Sirius.

“Here’s some real advice.” James started. “Just approach him when you go back, and tell him how you feel. Seriously. It’s not as daunting as it seems. I only told you mother I was in love with her about ten times week. And worst case scenario he doesn’t like you…if you persist he surely will soon.”

“He speaks from experience.” Lily said fondly.

“And if that doesn’t work my plan works too.” Sirius added.

“Worked on me.” Remus muttered and Sirius whacked him for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Kid!Fic

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 On Your Shore by xanthippe74 Rated:  Mature Words:  35113 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Mystery, Scotland, Dark Magic, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Pining, Sharing a Bed, First Time, Non-Explicit Sex, Demisexual Harry Potter, Bisexual Harry Potter, Gay Draco Malfoy, Closeted Draco Malfoy, Curse Breaker Harry Potter, Antiques Appraiser Draco Malfoy, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Good Parent Draco Malfoy, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Married Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Clearing out a remote house full of cursed collectibles in the Outer Hebrides? Not a problem for an experienced curse breaker like Harry Potter. Spending a week with the straight, happily-married man that he’s starting to have feelings for? And sharing a bed with him at night? Surely Harry can handle that, too. But both the house and Draco Malfoy have secrets to uncover, and Harry might be in deeper water than he thought. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Every Breath You Take by hephaestiions Rated:  Mature Words:  19252 Tags: Major Character Death, Death (Harry Potter), Suicide, Child Death, Miscommunication, Angst, Angst and Tragedy Summary:  It starts and ends with Death. Scorpius was just caught in between. Like always. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Misunderstandings are as easy as A-B-C by VeelaWings Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  3418 Tags: First Day of School, Kindergarten Teacher Harry Potter, Professor Harry Potter, Single Parent Draco Malfoy, Parenting Woes, mild anxiety, Miscommunication, HP Fluff Fest 2020 Summary:  A slow blink and Potter seemed to catch himself, clearing his throat and nodding, his smile friendly and bright when directed at Scorpius and Draco. “Hey Mal—” “Mr Potter,” Draco spoke up rudely, but necessary. “This is my son, Scorpius Black. He’ll be one of your students this year.” Potter looked completely wrongfooted for a few seconds before his mind appeared to latch onto the most likely conclusion. His expression cleared up as Scorpius took a step forward and offered a tiny hand. “Hello, Mr Potter. It’s nice to meet you,” Scorpius said, enunciation steady and practiced. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Teddy's Favourite by iRavenish Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  2032 Tags: Fluff, Secret Relationship, Relationship Reveal, Day At The Beach, Jealous Harry Potter Summary:  It didn't come as a surprise when Teddy demanded to finally go to the beach. In fact, he was asking for a trip to the seaside for a while now and even though Harry wasn't really keen on going, he was powerless when it came to his godson, and just couldn't say no when confronted with the pleading eyes of a sad five-year-old. There was only one little problem with the whole trip. Teddy insisted on inviting his favourite cousin, the one he reconnected with in the last year and the same one that quickly earned Teddy's trust and love, becoming his favourite person. Said cousin was of course none other than Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Way Home by Boshfaker Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  15729 Tags: EWE, Mpreg Summary:  Draco wakes up one morning to realize he is a father of 4 and is expecting. After an accident/spell gone wrong from his Auror days, he developed retrograde amnesia. The very last thing Draco remembers is falling down after the hit. That was close to 8 years ago. Healers can't explain what suddenly sparked him to recall his past either. Harry needs to start trying to make Draco remember that the 8 years he can't remember were good times with him and their 4 sons and his expected daughter. This is not at all the sort of life plan Draco had for himself. ❤️ Read on Dreamwidth

📜 Stain of Silence by brummell Rated:  Explicit Words:  28356 Tags: Minor Character Death, Crossdressing, Babies, HP: EWE Summary:  After the war, Draco serves out his sentence in Harry Potter's house ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 DIY Messiah by scoradh Rated:  Mature Words:  26687 Tags: N/A Summary:  Harry stopped hating Draco Malfoy on Bring Your Kids to Work Day. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Catch Me If I Fall by keeli_marie Rated:  Explicit Words:  38281 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Post-Hogwarts, POV Alternating, Kid Fic, Divorced Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Mutual Pining, so much pining, Slow Burnish, Light Angst, Open Marriage, Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Hugs, Cuddling & Snuggling, Boys Kissing, Cooking, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, First Dates, Astoria is a good bro, Fluff, Smut, Switching, Fluff and Smut, First Time, Masturbation, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Rimming, First Time Bottoming, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Romantic Gestures, Birthday Presents, Birthday Sex Summary:  When Draco Malfoy collides with Harry Potter one morning while dropping the kids off at school, things don’t go quite the way either of them would have expected. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Strongest Affinity by eidheann Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  17694 Tags: Family, Romance, preslash, wandmaker!Harry, Single Father!Draco Summary:  Trouble finding a wand for Scorpius leads Harry and Draco to something they never imagined. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Out of the Woods by Janieohio Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  34987 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, POV Alternating, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Background Relationships, supportive friends, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Mind Healer Harry Potter, Shop Owner Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Harry Potter Raises Teddy Lupin, Sassy Harry Potter, Sarcastic Draco Malfoy, Minor Violence, Minor Injuries, Mystery, Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Cute Teddy Lupin, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Explicit Language, Yoga, Into the Woods References, Therapy, Custody Issues, Minor Character Death, Minor Character Engagement, Dismissive Attitudes about Mental Illness, Childhood Trauma, Fae & Fairies, Brothers Grimm, Fairy Tale Elements - see notes for more details, H/D Erised 2020, Harry Potter Has Long Hair, Kid Fic, Minor Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Neville Longbottom/Hannah Abbott/Luna Lovegood, Background Polyamory, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Past Draco Malfoy/Original Male Characters Summary:  Teddy closes his eyes, wishing beyond wishes that the two men in his life whom he loves more than anyone would just learn to get along. A light flares. Teddy cries out, and the room falls silent. Harry and Draco struggle to find a way to escape a world of dark fairy tales and get back to Teddy, but the challenges they face are not all hidden in the woods. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 For The Want Of Five Minutes (And a Locked Door) by postjentacular Rated:  Mature Words:  4333 Tags: Kid Fic, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Domestic Bliss, Parent Harry Potter, Parent Draco Malfoy, Coitus Interruptus, Humor, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  It’s hard enough to get five minutes to yourself in a house of five kids, nevermind getting five minutes with your boyfriend for anything else. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 A Big Black Sky by AlexMeg Rated:  Mature Words:  90343 Tags: Parent Draco Malfoy, Parent Harry Potter, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Homelessness, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, dark themes, The Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter) is Terrible, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Harry Potter Raises Teddy Lupin, Everyone Needs A Hug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Slow Burn, Pining Draco Malfoy, But it's very very subtle and repressed, Panic Attacks, Protective Harry Potter, Falling In Love, Smitten Harry Potter, Mutual Pining, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Kid Fic, Post Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con Summary:  Draco shifts his head as he turns to look at Scorpius, his cheek touching the pillow. "Did you know that…" He pauses, his throat convulsing, and it sounds audible in the silence, besides Michael's steady, even breathing from the other bedroom. Scorpius is staring back at him, in wait of something new to learn, a beautiful and intelligent child. He has Draco's mind. He has Draco's eyes and nose and mouth and hair. He is his. All his. All he has of Michael are his wild curls and the green of his eyes, and sometimes he looks into them and imagines that they aren't Michael's, but someone else's. Draco leans his head closer, biting the quiver out of his lips before he breathes a laden and shuddering exhale, and he whispers, "You are my star in a big black sky." ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Guest by BummedOutWriter Rated:  Mature Words:  59826 Tags: Kid Fic, Mpreg, Time Travel, Boggarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Auror Harry Potter, Quidditch Player Draco Malfoy, Seer Draco Malfoy, Grimmauld Place, Chudley Cannons, Slytherins Being Slytherins, Visions, Potions Accident, Prophecy, Truth Serum, Humor, Animagus, Family, Bottom Draco Malfoy Summary:  In consequence of an accidental spell, Harry and Draco's five-year-old daughter is sent ten years into the past, where she meets her teenaged parents. Awkwardness ensues ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Rock-a-bye Sweet Baby James by Femme (femmequixotic), noeon (noe) Rated:  Explicit Words:  28402 Tags: Post Mpreg, Kid Fic, Postpartum blues, Secret pregnancy, Pregnant Harry Potter, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Switching Summary:  Harry Potter knew that having a baby by himself would be difficult, but when his son's other father arrives on his doorstep, furious and upset at not being told about Harry's pregnancy, Harry's already messy life becomes a thousand times more complicated. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 No Place Like Home by dracogotgame Rated:  General Words:  4005 Tags: Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley (mentioned) - Freeform, Family, Fluff, Next Gen, Kid Fic, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff Summary:  James Sirius has been at Hogwarts for exactly one day, and he knows he doesn't belong. All he wants is to go home. A late night Floo call fixes everything ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Mine by xxdrarryrebellexx Rated:  Mature Words:  45877 Tags: Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I LOVE DRARRY OKAY, Domestic, Single Parent Draco Malfoy, Andromeda is kind of a bitch, Little Scorpius is cute AF, Lil Scorp, Ravenclaw Scorpius Malfoy, Professor Harry Potter, Good Draco Malfoy, How Do I Tag, Self-Indulgent, Made For Each Other, Their Family - Freeform Summary:  Harry Potter works as Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, but while picking Teddy up from the Primary Wizard Academy he notices a young crying child and decides to help. Draco Malfoy has had a pretty hard time trying to raise his son since his wife's death. While signing his son up for classes at the Primary Wizard Academy the young boy happens to wander away, luckily the Golden Boy is always there to help. Can they let the past be in the past to forge a better future? "Whose kid is this?" "He's mine, Potter." "No, seriously..." ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 the trembling of the moment by porcelainsalt (bluedreaming) Rated:  General Words:  5325 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Non-United Kingdom Setting, Single Parent Draco Malfoy, Asexual Draco Malfoy, Asexual Character, Child Scorpius Malfoy, Inspired by Poetry, H/D Erised 2020, Present Tense, Luna Lovegood & Draco Malfoy Friendship, unusual careers, Quidditch Player Harry Potter Summary:  “You’re the last person I’d have expected to stumble across on the other side of the world.” In which Draco's quiet single-parent life is not so much interrupted as unexpectedly harmonised. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 These Tender Moments by theartfulldodger Rated:  General Words:  1380 Tags: Christmas Fluff, Fluff, SERIOUSLY ALL THE FLUFF, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Kid Fic, Sickly sweet medicine for all your despair, A warm hug, Domestic Fluff, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE Summary:  A Christmas Eve filled with overindulgence, a sleeping toddler, creatively altered expressions and slow dancing in the kitchen. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Made with Love by MysticKitten42 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  1143 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death - Narcissa, Grief/Mourning, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Single Parent Draco Malfoy, Tenderness, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Hopeful Ending, POV Second Person, POV Draco Malfoy, Early Bird 25 Days of Harry and Draco 2020 Summary:  After tragedy strikes, Draco finds support where he least expects it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Scary Snowman by dracogotgame Rated:  General Words:  1030 Tags: Humour, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Family, Oneshot, Old Fic, reposted, Harry Potter Next Generation Summary:  Draco steps up. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Cassiopeia Lily Malfoy by GallaPlacidia Rated:  Not Rated Words:  37312 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Letters, Post Mpreg, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, harry is a dick at the beginning Summary:  In eighth year, Harry had a toxic fling with Draco Malfoy. Ten years later, a little girl shows up, begging for Harry's help. Could the two be connected? And did Harry misunderstand what Draco was trying to tell him, the last time they spoke? Feat. angry 8th year Harry being truly horrible to Draco, Draco writing a lot of letters he never sends Harry, and the most Gryffindor-Slytherin hybrid ten-year-old you've ever seen. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 To Love and To Cherish by jamesilver Rated:  Mature Words:  1091 Tags: Married Couple, Married Life, Quidditch, Fatherhood, Parenthood, Domestic Fluff, Domestic, domestic married couple, Children, Cute Kids, Kid Fic, Flirting Summary:  Or, Harry and Draco are married with children and a lot of heavy, married flirting ❤️ Read on AO3

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Thirty Four

Greyback’s nails sliced their way across Hermione’s throat as she yelled Ron’s name in anguish. 

“Mr. Weasley.” Someone hissed. 

Ron ignored the voice and leapt to catch Hermione’s crumbling body. 

“Weasley! Get up!”

“No Hermione please don’t.” He whimpered, too distracted by her lifeless body to notice anything else.

“Wake up!”

At the booming voice Ron sprung up. Panting from the aftershocks of his dream. And he must still be dreary because he swears McGonagall is leaning over his four poster bed in her dressing gown. 

“Ron, come on.” Harry whispered from his other side. 

His best mate's voice grounded him as he soon realized he was fully awake and that his professor was truly in his dormitory. 

And you’d think he’d ask why they were here, what’s going on. But he doesn’t need to. 

He already knows. 

“Hermione.” He practically moans as he throws back the covers. 

At the word, Harry and McGonagall also jump back into action, heading for the door. The older woman is halfway out before Ron stops them. 

“Wait.” He calls, making the pair turn, “Neville. He should come too.” The ginger says in a strangled voice. 

After a moment McGonagall agrees, “Mr. Potter.” She nods to Longbottom’s bed.

Harry complies, shaking a confused Neville awake. Like Ron, he seems to know what it’s about and is instantly on his feet. 

“Let’s go.” She whispers to the trio. 

Worlessly they all scamper down the stairs with a haste like no other. By the time they crawl out of the portrait hole Ron can’t find it within himself to remain silent any longer. 

“What’s going on?” He hisses to the professor. 

“There’s no time.” She calls from in front of him as her dressing gown billows behind her. 

The ginger grunts in frustration and wills himself to catch up to McGonagall. “Wait, please, just tell me, is she-is she alive?” He stutters out. 

At the cracking of his voice the old woman feels her chest tighten and stops. “Yes Mr. Weasley, she is.” Is all she can manage before running off again. 

At her words Ron feels a weight he didn’t know was pressing down on him release itself. Harry looks to Ron like he’s expecting him to say something, but instead, he just follows behind McGonagall again. 

Soon enough they reach her office. The three boys stand silently as she retrieves what seems to be a bowl of floo powder. 

“Here you are.” She says passing it into Harry’s awaiting hands. “St.Mungo’s. This will take you right to the Spells Damage entrance.” The professor said whilst nudging Harry into her fireplace. 

The dark haired boy fisted a handful of powder as he got ready to throw it down. Until Ron stopped him. 

“Wait!” He yelled, making Harry pause as all eyes found him. 

“There is no time to waste Mr. Weasley.” McGonagall scolded 

“They found her didn’t they?” The hope in his voice was like nothing else. 

She sighed in defeat and nodded, “yes, they did. I heard your brothers found her.” 

A small swell of pride bubbled up deep within Ron. He knew The Order was raiding the Manor tonight, but the fact that Bill and Charlie played such a hand in getting Hermione home safely means the world. 

“And she’s alright?” He asks next, voice shaking over every word. 

McGonagall’s lips pulled into a tight line, “She’s in St.Mungo’s.” 

“But she’s alright?” He presses. 

“Look Weasley, I know just as much as you do. If you’d like that question answered I suggest you do as I say and Floo over there now, yes?” She said a little testily. 

Repressing the urge to roll his eyes, Ron simply nodded to Harry as he did as she instructed. As the green flames engulfed his best mate, he nodded Neville to go next. 

“You need to tell Ginny.” It wasn’t up for debate. 

She nodded, “I figured you’d rather not wait for me to retrieve your sister and head over there yourself. I Plan on retrieving Miss Weasley once you’re on your way.” 

“Right.” He whispers, stepping into the fireplace and gripping the powder.

Just as he opened his mouth to be whisked away, McGonagall spoke again, “You take care of her.” Never in all his years has he heard this woman sound so choked up. 

Ron looks her in the eyes and nods with so much confidence that no one would dare question him. 

“Always.” He assured before being engulfed by green.

After his body felt thoroughly squeezed and pushed, he finally felt his feet land firmly on solid ground. Ron stumbled a little before his gaze finally fell on an equally anxious looking Neville and Harry. 

“Come on, this way.” Harry says, gripping Ron’s shoulder to tug him along, hoping it’ll help ground him to reality. To assure this was actually happening. 

However, Harry’s touch offered little assurance. Ron was terrified that this time was like so many others. The minute he laid his eyes on Hermione, the world would transform into a nightmare. Bellatrix cursing her, Greyback clawing at her. And Ron, he could never save her. 

Shaking a little at the horrible thoughts, he shook his head and willed himself forward. Soon enough mops of red hair entered his vision as Bill’s eyes snapped to his. 

Maybe this was real. 

“Ronnie.” His eldest brother breathed out before engulfing him in an embrace.

Finally, he allowed tears to stream his face, “Thank you Bill. Thank you.” He cried into his shoulder. 

After a few moments Bill pulled away, shaking his head. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything.” 

Ron’s brows scrunched in confusion as he noticed Charlie joining them. 

“What do you mean? McGongall, she said my brothers saved her.”

“It wasn’t us Ronnie.” Charlie spoke. 

This did nothing but further his bewilderment, “What? But you were-“

“It was the twins.” Bill cut off. 

His mind was spinning. That can’t be right. The twins were all the way in Diagon Alley. 

The sickening feeling that this may be another dream was slowly creeping over him. 

“The-the twins?” Ron stuttered in disbelief. 

Charlie nodded in confirmation as Bill continued to speak, “When the raid started, they all started disapparating. We didn't even have anyone to take in.” 

“But it didn’t matter,” Charlie cut off, “That wasn’t what we were there for.” He reminded. 

“Right.” Bill nodded, “Anyway, after they left, we searched the whole place, The dungeons, the bedroom, and Ronnie, you were right.” 

“Huh?” He mumbled. 

“About Draco. I was the one who raided his room, it really was their house.” 

While this was something they all knew, the direct confirmation made Ron squirm. Malfoy was a foul git, but the fact he could be involved in something so gruesome, his own classmate. It made Ron see red. 

He knew that now wasn’t the moment to focus on that, not when his mind was racing a mile a minute. “How did she get to Diagon Alley then?” He whispered. 

Charlie began to speak, “We don’t know, we haven’t-”

“Ronnie.” He heard George breathe from behind him. 

Whirling around he met the twins' eyes, which were rimmed red and bloodshot. Before he could even question it, the pair was engulfing him in a hug. And Merlin, he doesn’t think he’s ever hugged them, either of them. 

“You found her?” Ron asked through tears into Fred’s shoulder. 

He felt one of them nod, “yeah.” 

At this, the three broke apart. The youngest wiped at his eyes with his hand, trying to pull himself together as he searched for answers 

They seemed to know what he needed to hear, “We were just walking home, Fred, he found her in an Alley.” George began.

“But how did-” 

“Ronnie, we think she apparated.” Fred told him quietly. 

“A-apparted?” He stuttered. 

George nodded, “Dad went to the Ministry to check the records. Look, we found her with a wand, there was no one around. There can’t be another explanation.” 

“A wand? Whose?” His voice rose, demanding the truth. 

However, the twins remained calm, “We don’t know.” Fred answered, “Dad went to look into that too, about an hour ago. Told us to wait.” He informed. 

Ron eased a little, there was no one he would trust more with this than his father. But the sense of calm was short lived as another thought crawled its way into the forefront of his mind. 

“And you saw her?” The words caught in his throat, “She’s real?” More tears streamed his cheeks. 

And after a moment. One that felt like it lasted hours, days, even. The paid nodded. 

“She’s real.” They confirmed. 

At those two words, everything he was trying to hold in poured out. Ron nearly collapsed in sobs before Fred caught him. 

“She’s home now Ronnie. She’s home.” His brother whispers gently into his ear. The soft words calmed him. 

Once he calmed a little he spoke, “She’s really back?” He had to be sure. 

“Yeah Ronnie, she is.” Fred promised, his green eyes piercing into his brother's blue ones. 

“Thank you.” He chokes out, then averts his gaze to George, “thank you both so much. I can never-“ 

“Hey,” George begins, “we didn’t just do it for you. Hermione’s as good a sister to us as Ginny is. She’s family. We’d do anything for her.” He tells him. 

Ron opens his mouth to respond, though unsure what to say. The statement held so much weight, yet somehow made him feel light at the same time. His emotions were running rampant. 

However, an unfamiliar voice cut them off before they could go any further, “Are you the party here for the young woman brought in earlier?” An old man asked in Healer’s attire.

Ron rounded to face him, nodding fiercely. 

The man didn’t look convinced, “you’re her family?” He questioned reluctantly. 

“Yes.” Ron answered harshly. 

The short old man still wasn’t convinced. The teen was ready to explode at the evident doubt until a soft hand gently squeezed his shoulder. 

“Yes we’re her family.” His mother’s kind voice assured. 

At this, the man finally relented and nodded to Molly. Ron turned gratefully to his mother who offered him a small smile through her misty eyes. 

“Being youre her family,” he said the word awkwardly, “I’m here to give you an update about Miss-“ 

“Granger. Hermione Granger.” Harry spoke up. 

For a minute the healer's eyes went wide, seeming to have noticed the Harry Potter in the flesh. And if Molly’s assurances weren’t enough, he wouldn’t dare question the Boy-Who-Lived. 

“Well I am Miss Granger’s healer, Pike Jamison, and I’m afraid I don’t come bearing the best of news.” 

Everyone went stalk still at his words. Healer Jamison took note and suddenly felt guilty. 

“We’ve stabilized her.” He cleared up quickly, making them all slump in the tiniest bit of relief. 

“But?” Charlie asked, knowing it was coming. 

“But,” he began sadly, “Miss Granger, she shouldn’t even be alive, we don’t know how-“

“Then why?” Ginny asked suddenly. 

And while Ron didn’t exactly like the question he was wondering the same. 

Jamison shrugged, “after the first war, research on unforgivable curses slowed considerably. Even today we have trouble understanding their true extent. I do know this though, the residual dark magic in her system is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. I’ve seen a fraction of that kind of magic killing even the most capable witches and wizards instantly.” 

“I still- I don’t understand.” Molly admits, voice riddled with sadness. 

“I’m afraid I don’t either. Once Miss Granger awakes, I’m hopeful of getting more information on her condition and how to tackle her treatments. Until that time things are rather...complicated.” He settled for. 

“Complicated?” Bill repeated. 

“As I said, the residual dark magic in her body is like nothing I’ve ever seen. The concern right now is that even the slightest bit of magic may send her over the edge. Sometimes if there’s enough dark magic in one's system it can consume any amount of magic and turn it dark. The cruciatus for example, attacks the nervous system at such a rate that the body can’t keep up to regenerate. She can’t afford to fight off anything else at the moment.” 

“So no magic? You can’t heal her?” Ron questioned bitterly. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair anymore. 

Jamison shook his head, “I’m afraid for now no magic, healing or otherwise, can be used on Miss Granger. I’m worried so much as a drop of dittany may be a risk at this time.” 

“Dittany?” George questioned. 

“It has magical properties. That’s what sews the skin together.” Bill answered for the healer. 

He nodded, “right you are young man. Until then, we’ve taken a more, uh, Muggle route to healing her. Myself, as well as my team, are trained in non-magical healing as well as magical healing of course. Miss Granger is very weak, malnourished, she has multiple fractures, some internal bleeding, cuts, bruises, you name it. And her mind-“ he sighed sadly, “we won’t know more until she wakes. Her scans show small trace amounts of cruciatus in her brain, but it isn’t enough to do any long lasting damage.” 

“That’s good though, isn’t it?” Fred asked when no one spoke. 

“It’s hard to say son, the magic, it moves through the body, it could’ve already attacked her mind and moved on. We just won’t know until she wakes. I’m sorry.” And at least he sounds sincere. 

Everyone seems to nod in acknowledgment at his words, but that doesn’t make it okay. 

After, everyone stands silent, unsure where to go from here. 

“Can I see her?” He asked so abruptly it made everyone stare at him. He squirmed under their gazes, “I just- I need to see her, please.” He almost whined. 

The healer shook the look of confusion and soon nodded, “Of course, right this way.” 

The door was nearby as the old man opened it and waved his hand for Ron to head in. 

As he walked into the white, sterile room, he felt his stomach sink. The feeling only grew as his eyes fell on the bed. 

There, laying in it was Hermione. She was real. 

But, he couldn’t will himself to focus on the prospect. Not when she looked so pale, sickly, and lifeless. 

Now he’s sure this is one of his nightmares.

[s13e06]

Recuerdos Perdidos Pt 4

Draco Malfoy/ Female Reader

Harry Potter AU

Warnings: implied trauma

Words: 3.6K

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3

-

Chapter 4

“What do you mean by a healer?” was the first question that left your mouth. Draco seemed to look at you in surprise before seeming to come to a realization.

 “Ah, well I suppose you might call them a doctor”.

You nodded slowly before his words finally began to sink in. This means that you were getting your memory back. All of it. You were finally going to be able to fill in those missing pieces. The pain in your head that never fully went away will finally begin to subside. 

“Will we have to do that magic teleportation thing to get there?” you asked beginning to get a little worried. “I really don’t want to hurl again”. You said with a little frown.

Draco only chuckled at you in amusement before shaking his head. “Don’t worry, we can take the car this time.” 

“Thank god,” you sighed before you straightened yourself up and clapped your hands together lightly. “Alright, when are we going?” 

“As soon as you’re ready to leave,” he replied calmly while giving you a quick once over. 

He had only looked you up and down for a brief moment but it was enough to cause your stomach to flutter. You were starting to get wrapped up in the fact that he was an attractive boy who you happened to be alone with. But what you were so desperately trying to remind yourself of was that he wasn’t necessarily a stranger to you. This was someone from your past. Someone who had already given you up a long time ago. He may have almost kissed you but really it may just have been because he was in a vulnerable state… then again it was the pictures that made him cry. Nothing really made sense and it was becoming increasingly harder to try and convince yourself that you didn’t care about him at all.

Because even though you had no memories of him… it was like somewhere in your mind you had missed him?

“We’re going to go at this hour?” you asked while snapping your attention back to Draco after thinking to yourself for a moment. ”Will the doctors still be taking appointments?”

You must have said something stupid because Draco just smiled again before giving you a kind of endearing look.

“Don’t worry, I’ve made a private appointment with her.” He told you while moving towards your bedroom door. “I take it you’re ready to go?”  He asked while glancing back at you.

“Yeah” you mumbled out as the anxiety began to set in. “better now than never” - The car ride to the “doctor” was a little uncomfortable, to say the least. Neither of you had said a word for the last ten minutes or so and the last thing either of you had said was a half-joking comment from him about how we were traveling there the “muggle way” for your sake. You assumed it was his attempt at trying to deliver some humor to the situation but all it did was remind you just how insane this last week had been.

You went from discovering you had repressed memories to finding out about magic all in the same day. Not to mention a past relationship and odd lingering feelings. Honestly, it was beginning to weigh down heavily on you. You turned your head to the side to glance at Draco. You thought it was kind of funny that he would be driving. Not because you didn’t think he couldn’t but just because he came off to you as the type to have their own personal chauffer. But for all, you knew he did and this was just his way of keeping others out of the situation the two of you were in.

Yes… this situation.

Come to think of it. You never really did wrap your head around the reason why he agreed to get your memories back. It was obviously important to him that you had lost them in the first place. He didn’t even have any intentions of seeing you again so why is he going along with it now? Simply because you asked? That didn’t really make sense…

If you asked would he tell you the truth?

“You’ve been staring at me for quite a while now,” Draco said briefly shifting his eyes to stare back into yours. 

 “Why are you doing this for me?” you asked hesitantly. “Didn’t you want me to forget to begin with?” confusion was etched on your features. Draco seemed to tense a little at your question. His knuckles be

gan to turn white as you watched him grip the steering wheel. “You came all this way despite losing your memories… even when I thought I’d never see you again you found your way back to me”. He began with bated breath. “Restoring your memories after you’ve come so far is the least I can do”. He finished.

You furrowed your brow as you mulled over his words. 

“Besides… once you regain them… I don’t think you’ll want to be near me again.” He added so quietly you almost thought he didn’t mean for you to hear.

“What do you mean by tha-“

“We’re here” he interrupted your questioning as he pulled the car next to a rather dingy looking building.

You decided it was better to not press him further.

As you stepped out of the car and took in the building before you doubt began to set in your stomach. The building was old and broken. The aging bricks looked as though they would crumble in any given moment, the windows were clouded and dirty, and stone steps had begun to erode in some places.

Was this really where magical doctors practiced?

You briefly worried about the state of their healthcare system. Glancing at Draco skeptically he seemed to pick up on your worry. 

“Follow me” he chuckled.

You did as you were told even though you were beginning to question this entire situation. Was it really a good idea to just hop in a car with someone who could be considered a stranger and allow him to drive you to God knows where?

Perhaps all your recent life events had impacted your judgment.

Standing behind Draco as he approached the beaten old door, you watched carefully while he briefly checked his surroundings before pulling out his magic stick and pressing it a few times against the door.

At first, you were unsure of what was supposed to be happening until a soft click noise could be heard coming from the door. Then as if it had a mind of its own, you watched the door slowly creak open to allow you two in. Draco didn’t even spare you a glance before stepping inside and you were quick to follow. 

To say that you were surprised was a complete understatement. 

One quick look around the inside and you found that your previous assumption had been way off. The floors were a sparkling polished white marble, the walls clean and neatly decorated with various paintings, tasteful plants were spotted throughout the area and as you studied them closer you found that they were rather odd in appearance, there were large brown couches for waiting on and neatly done coffee tables placed in front of them, and on those tables were various magazines and newspapers all with moving pictures on them. 

You gaped at your surroundings before you noticed that Draco was starting to walk towards what you presumed to be the reception desk. 

“Hello I have an appointment set with Ms. Snipebane” he spoke calmly.

“Of course, let me inform her that you’ve arrived” the woman behind the counter replied quickly.

As Draco stood at the counter you let your eyes wander to follow some of the people who you assumed were staff at this... was hospital the right word? They all looked very well kept and orderly. All clean clothes and nice haircuts. None of them seemed to pay you any mind either. These people belonged to a completely different world than you and yet they had no clue. 

“C’mon” you heard Draco speak next to you, breaking you out of your thoughts as he gently nudged you to follow him. 

A rather tall red-headed woman led the two of you down a narrow white hallway before making two left turns and stopping in front of a rather crisp looking door. Glancing to the side of it you read a golden plaque that was proudly placed on the wall. It gleamed, “Wanda Snipebane”.

The redhead knocked her fist sharply against the door three times before it swung open revealing a young woman. She was beautiful. A model like figure and perfect skin. You were sure you were staring because she cleared her throat and smirked at you slightly. 

“Draco, how good to see you, come in” she spoke softly as she stepped aside to let you both in. 

“Have a seat, you two” the woman spoke as she gestured to a purple leather loveseat sat adjacent to her desk. 

Sitting down quickly you couldn’t help but feel as though you were out of place. There were more odd plants sat along the windowsill and a few fuzzy books on her bookshelf. You weren’t usually one to judge the appearance of things like books. But usually, they weren’t bound in fur and scales. Looking closer you could even swear you saw one move. Hopefully, it didn’t have teeth as well you briefly mused.  

Your thoughts were interrupted by the woman clearing her voice as she sat down across from the two of you. 

“Now… quite frankly, I never thought that I’d see you in here again Mr. Malfoy” she spoke with a smile. One that read concern and not amusement. You weren’t sure why.

Glancing at Draco you saw him purse his lips. “Yes, well… as you can probably guess I’d like to pick up where we left off last time.” He spoke curtly. “This time I think that you’ll find an answer much quicker as… well, she’s here with me now” he finished while making a slight gesture towards you. 

Just then the doctor’s eyes were studying you intently as a sad sort of smile adorned her face. 

“Ahh, I thought that might be the case,” she said to you leaning slightly forward. “Tell me, dear, why do you think you’re here?”

You didn’t notice the lump in your throat before she called on you to speak but now it was as if you couldn’t swallow it. 

With a heavy sigh, you began to speak, “Well, it seems that I’ve had my memory erased. I don’t remember much of anything, just some flashes here and there. I suppose I wouldn’t have even known I was missing any memories if it wasn’t for the pain that comes with it.” 

The doctor’s eyes grew large at your words. “Pain you say?” she questioned eagerly.

“Yes, certain things seem to trigger memories but they’re hard to make out and the longer I see them the more intense the pain grows. Like a throbbing in my head that will never end.”

“And what exactly is it that triggers these random memories, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

You most certainly did mind as the topic itself was a little embarrassing in hindsight. “Not at all” however, is what you replied. “The first time it was triggered was when I found some old photos that I don’t remember taking. Except I was in them… and so was he” you spoke softer while nodding your head towards Draco. “I couldn’t make sense of it at first… how could I have pictures of memories I don’t have? Of a boy, I didn’t even know… Next thing I knew I was in an unbelievable amount of pain as brief flashes of memories started pounding in my mind”.

Ms. Snipebane looked rather enthralled in your story as she began to scribble some things down on a notepad.

“Then what did you do after that?” she asked curiously. “It’s to my understanding that you’re from and currently live in America, correct? So how did you end up here?”

The fact that she obviously knew you before you even entered this room struck you as a little unsettling but it was the least interesting of all the mysteries currently in your life, so you let it slide. 

“Well, the box I found the pictures in was full of other things from the summer I lived with my grandparent’s in England. I could even see their house in the background of one of the photos. I remembered that trip and almost everything in that box except for a few items and those photos. But I knew I wouldn’t find answers there so I packed up my things and came to my grandparent’s house. I figured it was a start to solving this mystery” you told her, beginning to relax.

“Fascinating” was all she said before her gaze shifted to Draco for just the slightest moment. 

You so desperately wanted to turn fully and see what kind of look he had on his face.

Ms. Snipebane then stood from her chair and made her way over to where the two of you sat.

“Do you mind if I check something, dear?” she asked you with a gentle smile. “Go right ahead” you replied mentally preparing yourself for whatever this magical lady was about to do.

Just as you had predicted she pulled a wand from the inside of her coat. The tip of the wand began to glow as she whispered something in Latin and raised it towards your head. You almost expected it to hurt but instead, all you felt was a little tingle.

She stared at you intensely as her wand moved about areas of your head. You glanced to the side to see Draco watching you too, a sort of fascinated look on his face.

You began to worry just what it was they were looking at when she stepped back. 

“Well” she started with a tight-lipped sort of smile “as you know, the good news is, reversing an obliviation is doable. Not to mention the fact that somehow her mind is already trying to do it for her. I’ve never seen such a thing” she noted. “And the bad news?” Draco asked looking a little tense.

“The bad news,” she said while clearing her throat lightly “Is that the process to complete a reversal is not so easy. I’ve only seen it done once before when I was studying in Australia. It might take me some time to acquire all the necessary knowledge needed to perform it.”

“When will that be?” Draco pressed; subtle irritation laced in his voice. Ms. Snipebane gave him a sort of pitiful smile before her eyes fell upon you again. “For you dear, I’ll have it ready in two weeks’ time”.

~ Draco told you to wait back in the lobby as he spoke to Ms. Snipebane about a few more things. You didn’t like the idea of them talking about you behind your back so obviously. Just because you don’t know anything about magic doesn’t mean you an idiot when it comes to everything else. 

Sitting in the lobby with all the magical folk, you couldn’t help but feel like you were secretly being watched. Like they all knew you weren’t one of them. A little voice inside your head was telling you to just get up and leave. To forget about even recovering these memories. You were perfectly fine before even discovering you’d lost them. 

Weren’t you?

“Let’s go” came Draco’s voice from beside you. The fact that you hadn’t even heard him approach you made your heart race a little in surprise. But you made no outer reaction. Instead, you just stood with a nod as you followed him out the door. 

Getting back into the car the silence quickly became too much to handle and without really thinking it through you turned to Draco and blurted out that you needed to talk. 

“Of course” was all he responded with, looking a little sheepish.

“How did she know so much about me already?” you asked letting out a little huff. “I know she didn’t say a whole lot when I was there but that’s just the problem. She didn’t ask me much because she already knew everything didn’t she?”

You were staring at Draco with a sort of stern look. Trying to appear confident and resolved. He only bit his lip slightly before glancing in the rearview mirror and cursing slightly under his breath. 

Next thing you knew he was swinging the car right in a sharp turn as he veered onto an empty street. 

You looked around a little nervously. If this didn’t look like the perfect place to hack somebody to bits then you’d be dammed. 

“I spoke about you to her when I wrote the letter arranging for the appointment. I had to tell her everything I knew about you so she’d be able to do some research ahead of time. I didn’t want her prodding you with a million questions upon first meeting. I had a feeling you might get a little overwhelmed.” Draco said while lowering his hands from the steering wheel and turning to meet your eyes.

Well, that was kind of considerate of him, you supposed. But that begged the question of why he felt he could trust her so much if his whole family hated you and the wizarding world had some sort of blood class system. 

“You obviously trust her a lot,” you said while forming the rest of your thoughts “and it was clear you knew each other well before. How were you so sure she’d be willing to help?” you asked genuinely curious. 

Draco let out a dry chuckle. “Let’s just say her forte is fixing broken people. I knew she would be willing to help me simply because I’m her favorite client.” She liked to fix broken people? Well, that explained why she’d be interested in you. But, Draco’s comment regarding himself left a heavy feeling in your chest. “Family issues?” you asked, hoping you weren’t crossing a line.

“Amongst other things” he replied.

You could tell the topic was something he wasn’t ready to share yet so you moved on from it. 

“What will you do after I regain my memory?” you questioned him, curious to know what he had been thinking the last couple of days. 

He looked a bit taken back by the question, as though he hadn’t even considered it before. 

“Well… I suppose I just assumed you’d go back home after remembering how things ended between us and I would continue with my… previous engagements.” He said trailing off a little at the end.

The statement had you puzzled. You wanted to question with these previous engagements were or even maybe who they were… but the first part was a much more pressing matter. 

“What was it that happened between us in the end? That’s the second time you’ve mentioned me leaving after finding out the truth… what did you do to me that was so horrible?” you gave him a serious look as you could tell he was starting to get uncomfortable again. “You might as well tell me now considering I’m bound to find out in a few weeks anyway.”

He seemed to consider this.

“I said things to you… in an effort to make you hate me. Things that I… can never take back” he said. 

“Did you mean them?” you asked.

“No, never” was his quick response. Looking into his steely eyes you could tell there was sincerity in them.

“Then I’ll keep that in mind” you responded before you both grew silent. With that, he started the car again and began to drive.

The rest of the ride home was quiet as you both seemed to be thinking deeply. When he dropped you back at your grandparent’s house he simply wished you a good night before driving away again. You knew there was so much left unsaid between the two of you but you figured all truths would be eventually exposed. Looking up at the dark night sky as you walked up the path to your grandparent’s house you felt incredibly small. 

You weren’t sure what time it was but you knew you were much too anxious to sleep anytime soon. 

As you neared your door you suddenly stopped. You had the most intense rush of fear rush through you out of nowhere. It was like you could feel someone watching you. 

Without giving it much thought you whipped your head to the right and stared out into the distant field. At first, you saw nothing as your eyes strained to focus in the dark. But, then you could make it out. The eerie silhouette of a woman standing in the distance, maybe only a hundred feet away. You knew in your gut it was the same woman from before. 

Terror coursed through you as you quickly started to fumble for your keys to unlock the door. In true horror movie fashion, you dropped them just as you were about to stick the key into the hole. Your hands were shaking like crazy as a thousand thoughts coursed through your mind. A voice inside your head was practically screaming for you to run. 

You bent down to pick them up and as you stood you heard a voice whisper from behind you as a chill ran down your spine.

“Care for a chat?”

____

AN:// Uh hello?!?!? I’m back from the dead you guys. I literally have no excuse for waiting this long to release this. I’ve been meaning to finish this chapter for months but today as i was driving home I was finally hit with the inspiration I needed. I have a lot in mind for this work and I hope you all see it through with me. I’m so sorry about taking like 9 months off from writing but ummm I’m back now I promise lol. Please let me know what you all think! :)

P.S a one shot may or may not be coming to you all soon.

-----

Taglist:  @screaming123 @bi-andready-tocry

[letteredlettered]

Hm, I think something went wrong with the message I sent you. So sorry! I'm trying again. It seems so frivolous to ask you a question but I'm in dire need of escapism after already one week of lockdown in Germany. I hope you are ok! I've only discovered your Drarry fics beginning of this month, love them! And "Another mask behind you is really lingering. I can't seem to get over it. Brilliant!

I’m sorry it took me so long to reply to you! I know lockdown is over in Germany, but I hope you made it through okay, and thank you so much for this ask.

Since the ask is very long and my answer even longer, I have placed the remaining portions of the ask and the response under this cut. The discussion is about Another Mask Behind You, which is a Harry/Draco I wrote that involves Draco being a sex worker. It also has elements of both non-con and dub-con. If any of these topics disturb you in fiction, please take heed if you check out the fic or read the reply. I do not think this ask or answer will make sense unless you have read the fic, which I can’t really say that I recommend, though there are parts of it I like.

The way you brilliantly use searing, toe-curling sex-scenes to draw me in, but because the drivers behind the intense need for both characters are not sexual, it’s never enough, NEVER ENOUGH, and I keep getting more and more frantic as the fic progresses, just like Draco. Well done :-)The way you disregard expected tropes and make the journey so much more complicated, so much more nuanced ….. well, so much more painful – it’s just incredibly rewarding. So painful, but so rewarding. (2/7)

The brilliant way you use the unreliable narrator, always delusionally speaking through his survival-shell of shame defense, his biased perception of reality in general and Potter specifically, but especially himself. And this confrontation-scene when he finally implodes into his shame – my god, do you really want to break my heart? Seriously? (3/7)

Then the way you capture the obviously intergenerationally transmitted Malfoy-steel-spine, the “holding on to the last thread of myself in impossible circumstances” - the emotions that invokes I can’t even put into words. There is so much more I want to say, but this format is too restricted. I postest a long comment on Archiveof OurOwns. I'm getting to my question :-) (4/7)

Another thing I adore about your writing is that you write powerful endings. This fic and “Away with childish things” are so, so psychologically satisfying but with quite a bit of narrative tension unresolved - so that I’m forced to spend joyful days with filling in the gaps.However, with one gap of this fic I’m really struggling and I would love to hear your take. (5/7)

I get the struggle with the betrayal and all, but as Draco so accurately puts it “So many unfamiliar expressions had he made in the last two times Draco had seen him, that Draco was no longer sure he’d ever really known him – as though in some sense, Potter had been playing a part as much as Draco had.”I don’t see any awareness develop in Harry regarding his obvious control-compulsion, the covert objectification hidden behind feelings of “love”, that made Tristan a “safe” partner. (6/7)

It will be so bitterly precarious for Harry (not so much Draco) to ever share this side of him within a power-balanced relationship, so risky and hazardous. Will he ever be able to work himself up there? It could be potentially so incredibly cathartic but I’m not so sure. Harry would need extensive aftercare, I guess. Would love to hear your head canon and thoughts? Do you have a story in your head how things would develop between these two? Thank you so much for your art! (7/7)

For those who are interested, I replied to the full comment on AO3. I’ve reproduced most of my answer below for those who are interested:

I'm glad you enjoy the unreliable narrator, and I’m very touched you like my stories.

Regarding my endings--thank you for your kind words, but I have to say most of my H/D fics do not end the way I plan. Most of them were written in a big rush to meet a fest deadline, including this one. I was not at all satisfied with the end of this fic, but I realized that to get satisfaction from it, I would either need to rewrite the fic or write a whole sequel, because the story of Harry and Draco working toward a healthy relationship is not this fic. This fic is about getting them to a point where they might even want to work on a healthy relationship, and so by the time I got finished there was just not room to write the other things I wanted and I didn’t have time to fix it because of the deadline.

I think Harry could get to the point where he would bottom for Draco. I also think he could get to the point where there is a balance of power in their relationship. I think it would take much longer for him to get to the point where he would say that the reason he was comfortable with Tristan was because he held all the power. I honestly believe that that understanding would not come intuitively for him, that he would either need therapy or many many years to get there, possibly both.

I'm guessing you saw this, as you quoted the part about his unfamiliar expressions, but part of the point is supposed to be that Harry is lying to himself just as much as Draco, just in different ways. The way Harry sees things is:  Tristan as an essentially good person with many great qualities. Tristan's snobbery and selfishness and arrogance and entitlement and pettiness seem to be his flaws, but because Harry sees Tristan as good, Harry can accept these flaws. This leads Harry to not take the flaws very seriously--he feels they are surface attributes of someone who is deep down good. He even finds these flaws charming. When Harry finds out Draco is Tristan, because Harry believes Draco is not a good person, he takes the flaws seriously. He no longer sees them as surface attributes and takes them as evidence of Draco's deep down horrible character.

I think that because Harry still wants Draco so viscerally even after everything, and because Harry can still see all the ways that Draco is Tristan despite Draco's betrayal, Harry begins to understand that this is a very simplistic view of people and the world. Just because we're on the side that is against the side of the genocidal bigots does not make us fundamentally good, and being fundamentally good does not make our flaws light and fluffy and charming. And just because we're on the side of the genocidal bigots does not mean that nothing can be good in us, that everything you found good and lovely in us was a complete lie. Eventually, Harry learns  that Draco is a whole person, neither good nor bad in essence, just really someone who has done lots of horrible things, but has the capacity to grow beyond that. And as Draco does grow beyond that, Harry begins to love him as a whole person, rather than a black and white one.

This is the story that Harry sees and thinks that he experiences as he learns to love Draco.

However, I do believe there's another story under that, and that story is possibly one that Harry never understands.This story is about power, as you mention, but it's also about the depth of Harry's delusion. The main premise that drives this under-story is why Harry was so willing to believe Tristan was, in essence, good. Why was he so willing to see Tristan's faults as charming, when some of Tristan's snootier comments actually suggest some underlying pure-blood bigotry?

The answer is that Harry wanted to believe that. He wanted a person who wasn't real, and Tristan having flaws just made Tristan feel more real, even though he wasn't. And why does Harry want a fake? Because Harry doesn't want to be real either. He doesn't want to really share himself, or give pieces of himself he doesn't want to; he doesn't want to stop being a hero or spend time that may make himself face himself and who he is. In this fic, Harry is someone who does not know how to love except to perform acts of service, which I find believable because so much of his friendships were built on saving each other and working together to save others. He does not know how to relax, which I also find believable given all the abuse and hardship. This leads to repression and difficulty seeing to his own needs, which in this fic leads to him becoming quite controlling. In this fic he wants to relax; he wants to stop and take time with himself and those he loves, but he has become so pent-up that he doesn't know how to relax without being forced to do it.

However, being forced to relax is a loss of control, and the Harry of this fic is too messed up to find a way to do it straightforwardly. Thus, for him, hiring a sex worker means he is in control of the situation on one level, but can let go of control on another level. The fact that he wants to bottom right away with Tristan but took a long time with Weatherby (his ex in this fic) is further evidence of the fact that Harry is really only okay with ceding this control because he has a different kind of control over what is happening. It's the same, actually, with Tristan demanding that Harry not work so much and spend time with him. Harry wouldn't like it if a non-sex-worker-boyfriend were asking the same thing, because he wouldn't feel that he ultimately had control of the situation.

So, again, no, I do not think Harry would admit any of this or understand it about himself without a lot of work and time.

However, I'm just not sure he has to for Draco and him to have a happy, healthy relationship.

I think the story Harry tells himself--that he saw Tristan as good, Draco as bad, and that this is ultimately too simplistic--is actually enough for Harry to begin to let go of some of this control. Harry would have to realize, with this understanding that people are not black and white, that he wanted to spoil Tristan not just because Tristan was morally good, but because he likes to spoil people. Harry would have to realize that he enjoyed Tristan being selfish and demanding not just because Tristan was morally pristine, but because Harry actually gets hot for that kind of behavior. Harry would have to realize he enjoyed Tristan topping the fuck out of him not just because Tristan was morally flawless, but because Harry just really likes to get fucked and fucked hard. With Draco, Harry wants the happiness he had with Tristan. To get it, Harry has to allow some of the behavior that happened with Tristan, without that extra veneer of control Harry once had because Tristan was a sexworker that Harry was paying.

Draco would learn from this too--that he can still be himself, that he can still be demanding, that he can still fuck Harry. And with that would come more self-acceptance for Draco and more confidence, which would actually help him grow to become more like Tristan was. And that would make Harry more accepting as well. I think eventually they could have something that approximates a lot of the love and comfort and domesticity they felt during the month Harry contracted Draco, but it would be without lies, and without control, and without attempts to manipulate each other.

I think for that, Harry would not need to know that the reason it worked for him was because he had all the power.

I do feel like Draco probably understands it very well. I could see a long time after they finally become quite comfortable with each other, them lying in bed after fucking, Draco finally saying, "You do know you were only okay with me doing that to you at first because you were paying me." And Harry would say, "No, it's because you lied to me and had a different face." And Draco would say, "Mm-hm," and trace the circle on Harry's chest, and then eventually say, "It's also because you were paying me. You wouldn't have let anyone else do those things I did." And Harry would say, "I don't think you understand how attracted I was to you." And Draco would say, "Mm-hm," and trace some more. "But it was also because you were paying me," Draco would say finally. "You knew you were in control." And then I think Harry would finally think about it, but it would be so long ago, that finally he could say something like, "Yeah. I don't know. I guess you're right." "I'm always right," Draco would say, and Harry would find this charming too.

I hope I answered this very interesting question to your satisfaction, and sorry again for the wait!

[iamnmbr3]

I know you’ve stated that you love a drama-disaster Draco, and that he’s nowhere near as calm and collected as some writers make him out to be in their works. However!! While I do adore an acerbic and snappy Draco, I personally write him (post-war) as more collected, cold, and emotionally defensive, as a side effect of the traumas he underwent during the time he served Lors Voldemort. Similar to how his brash arrogance and vanity slowly faded away during his sixth year (1/2)

and instead left behind a peculiarly estranged and equanimous Draco, his features burdened with the darkness of trepidation and fear. I feel as if this drastic change would last him through his early adult years after Hogwarts, as he distances himself away from the person he once was- and upon reuniting with Harry, I feel as if his sarcastic, snidey, and dramatic personality would return and fester a lot more frequently- because, now, he’s truly happy bickering with Harry, as he used to. 2/2 (However, Draco I still am firm on my beliefs that adult Draco is substantially more closed off and curt with others than he is to Harry, and no longer remains as wholly immature. And though his sarcastic smirks and teasing jeers are never-without-fail directed to Harry, for bickering and engaging in persiflage with him is so comfortable, so sweet, I’m certain he would have matured beyond an arrogant and dramatic teenager and insead chooses to be overly dramatic for the purposes of jesting.) Thank you for your patience in waiting for an answer to this ask. It was very well written and thoughtful so I wanted to actually sit down and answer it properly. I definitely agree that Draco’s characterization can (and should!) evolve to reflect the changes he’s been through in fics that are set after the books, and especially in fics set substantially after the books. Also I did not mean to imply that Draco can never hide his emotions. He’s actually quite good at it when it really matters. It’s why he’s so naturally prodigiously talented at occlumency. (And it’s also something he gets better at throughout the books, as he faces more responsibility and more danger). 

If he couldn’t control his reactions he would never have been able to save Harry’s life at Malfoy Manor by pretending to be unsure of his identity. (And btw he did some very good and quick thinking there too. If he said it definitely was Harry, then obviously Voldemort would be called and Harry and co would all die. If he said it definitely wasn’t him, and everyone believed him, then Harry and his friends would probably have been murdered on the spot. By saying he was unsure, and creating that doubt, Draco bought them critical time while the Death Eaters tried to figure out what to do, and to ascertain Harry’s true identity.) Also, remember in book 6 only Harry, who is extremely attuned to the subtleties of Draco’s mood and affect (and we know what that is!) really notices that something is off about Draco. And even Harry, for all his obsessing, doesn’t realize how frightened and stressed Draco is until he accidentally walks in on him crying. 

So it’s not that Draco can’t hide his feelings when he really has to - in fact a big part of his characterization is his overriding desire to keep up appearances and be who he is supposed to be (which when he’s younger mostly takes the form of ridiculous arrogance and bragging) and repress all the parts of himself that he doesn’t want to acknowledge. I certainly think that after the war he would face tremendous difficulties, at that would lead to him being more closed off. Especially since it would be the only coping mechanism left to him - bragging or snapping back probably wouldn’t get him anywhere good. (And he probably wouldn’t be in the mood for that either). 

That said I still think that he has a lot of roiling emotion inside and is not this perfect, poised and composed alabaster statue with a stone mask that everything just bounces off of. Draco really cares about what other people think of him. We see it in his reaction to Harry’s rejection of him in book 1. And in his efforts to live up to his parents’ expectations throughout the series especially in the later books. And we see it in the way he thrives on attention. One of the ways Harry knows something is wrong in book 6 is that Draco is no longer seeking that spotlight in his own House and is shunning the company of others. And I think that wouldn’t go away. All that conflict and emotion would still be there, roiling and fighting and raging just below the surface, the veneer that Harry is always so good at seeing through and stripping away.

The issue that I was referencing in the post that sparked this question is that I feel there is a trend where some fic just turns Draco into this one-dimensional Mary Sue type who is just perfectly composed and never lets anything bother him or get under his skin. (And this is often paired with characterizing Harry as this buffoonish person who can never quite keep up, when one of the great things about drarry is that they can match wits so well; Harry is very clever and crafty and even conniving sometimes.) In these sorts of fics Draco's like the platonic ideal of refined upper class stiff upper lip. And that’s not Draco . Sure he always cares about presenting himself that way, but he’s got too much conflict, and heart, and emotion for that cold exterior to really work. He feels others’ opinions keenly. And that mask is rather easily cracked, especially by people like Harry. I think as he gets older and matures (and comes to terms with who he was and what he did and really acknowledges his guilt) he’d become more withdrawn and more closed off as you said. But he wouldn’t turn into a perfect porcelain doll, much as he might wish to. 

[giraffeter]

**The Untamed Episode 14 Spoilers **

OK so so far when I’ve been posting about The Untamed I’ve been mostly Doing Jokes, but now I actually have some Thoughts about it (oh no!).

I feel like the events in the cave of the Slaughter Tortoise completely change the show - or at least, completely changed my perception of what the show is, and is trying to do.

When I’d heard this show described as “a queer romance that can’t be overtly queer because China,” I was really expecting it to be queerbait-y in the way a lot of American media is: a Cap/Bucky, Finn/Poe style “very good friendship” with neither party acknowledging that there might be anything more to it (often throwing in a heterosexual love interest or two to further add to the plausible deniability). I also thought we might be dealing with a dynamic you often see in e.g. Harry/Draco fic, where one or both parties are so closeted, emotionally repressed, and/or un-self-aware that they don’t even realize that the reason they’re obsessed with the other person is that they’re in love with them.

I was NOT expecting for Lan Wangji to sing Wei Wuxian a love song about their relationship and then be like, “Just so we’re clear, I’m proceeding with the understanding that we are in love with each other, we both know this, and that you’re too chickens**t to do anything about it. I have to go save my family now.” Nobody says it out loud, but the show isn’t trying to pretend anything else is happening either. Even this tacit acknowledgement immediately makes this show WAY more gay than the vast majority of American media (sadly).

I really want to go back and watch the beginning of the show now (and probably will, at some point) with this new understanding of LWJ as taciturn, rather than repressed (also Wang Yibo does SO MUCH with his FACE without MOVING his face, how). Even though WWX is initially presented as the one with his heart on his sleeve, he also is the one to shy away from any kind of Real Talk.

In conclusion:

Lan Wangji: Willing to be completely honest with himself about his feelings; unwilling to be honest with anyone else about whether or not his leg is broken

Wei Wuxian: Happy to disrobe in order to make someone so horny they vomit blood if the situation requires; completely unable to have a conversation about what that might mean

[bernadineisreborn]

Reality VII

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Author’s note: Hellooooo and welcome back. In this chapter, things get figured out. You probably knew all along, but now reader knows too, so that’s good. UMMM okay that’s it, hope you all enjoy! Please please please like or comment or (gold-tier) reblog!! But, I appreciate you just for reading! Love you!                       –Bernadine

Warnings: swearing/vulgarity, me not knowing wtf I’m doing

Word count: 1883

CATCH UP HERE: Series Masterlist 

Draco did not consider himself weak. He was resilient, he was intimidating, he was a Malfoy, for fuck’s sake.

He hadn’t allowed himself to feel emotion since the school year had started. His Aunt Bellatrix’s advice rang in his mind almost constantly: any emotion would allow Snape, or worse, Dumbledore, to read him with ease.

He sat in the Slytherin Common Room, his metaphorical muscles tired from the weight on his shoulders. Draco had been back at Hogwarts for three months, and hadn’t made much progress with the Vanishing Cabinet. He needed to do something else.

Of course, he had other plans. None of them were as good as the Cabinet, but they could work.

Draco thought of the package he had hidden in the Room of Requirement. It was a last resort, he reminded himself, to use the cursed necklace that laid inside in attempts to kill his headmaster. Dumbledore, Draco was sure, would somehow manage to evade the curse it gave those who touched it. He had to find a way to fix the Vanishing Cabinet and allow other Death Eaters to do the pillaging around Hogwarts.

It was a Saturday, which meant a few things. First, Draco had time to himself. He could work on his task, mostly unbothered. Second, there was a Quidditch match.

Draco watched longingly as Crabbe and Goyle lazed out of the dorms, clad in green and silver uniforms, nodding to him as they went by. Draco grunted and repressed the intense desire to follow them. A Quidditch match sounded perfect right about now.

Emotion, thought Draco numbly, is the hamartia of mankind.

----

You squinted as you woke up, sunlight streaming in through the tall windows of Ravenclaw Tower. There had been no dreaming last night; no furred or feathered creatures had patrolled your subconscious at all.

You weren’t sure whether to be grateful or suspicious. This was the second morning you had woken up without having had the dream since you’d spoken to Trelawney.

The Great Hall was filled with excitement, as the Slytherin and Hufflepuff teams prepared for today’s Quidditch match. You usually would have attended with Marcus, but as things were now, you weren’t really in the mood.

Instead, you explained to Sue and Mandy, who were dressed in yellow and black Hufflepuff scarves, “I’ll get to catch up on homework that I haven’t been able to do. You know, since I’ve been in detention.”

They seemed content with this answer, and maybe even a bit sympathetic. You waved to them as they headed off to the Quidditch pitch.

You’d brought Trelawney’s loan, The Dream Oracle’s Sequel: More Dreams, More Divination, with you, and you started reading as you sipped on your morning tea.

An hour later, you knew breakfast was officially over because the leftover food, plates, and your still half-full teacup vanished from the table. However, you had made it to the section titled “Dream. Interrupted: How to finish your dream experience,” and were eager to try the book’s recommendations.

You dashed to the seventh floor, and found the blank wall you needed to utilize. You started pacing, desperately thinking, I need a place to sleep to fall asleep without interruption.

After your third pacing in front of the wall, a small door appeared.

The Room of Requirement was a bit less of a secret location that it had been last year. Harry Potter had made the place legend when he’d started the D.A., and you’d visited a few times, curious about the place’s magic.

Now, it was more useful than ever. Through the doorway was a very cozy room. There were windows that let in fresh sunlight, framed with heavy-looking velvet drapes, and there was a bed bigger than any you had seen before, covered with fluffy quilts and throw pillows. There was also a pot of tea, and you realized delightedly that it was chamomile from it’s smell.

On top of the bed were a pair of silk pajamas, in exactly your size and favorite color. You changed quickly, and drew the drapes over the windows. Hazy midday sunlight trickled in from behind the curtains, giving the room the appearance of a faint golden glow.

You poured yourself a cup of tea and settled in the bed, skimming the chapter of The Dream Oracle’s Sequel again, for good measure. According to the book, you needed to do a short incantation, and then you’d be able to sleep until the dream had finished.

You readied you wand, setting your tea on the bed stand, and spoke, “Somnum Integrum.”

Almost immediately, you started to feel drowsy. The bed’s blankets were so comfortable, you wondered whether you were in heaven.

And you wondered if the rabbit would ever move, damnit! It lazed in the emerald grass, without a worry. The sun was shining brightly, and as you watched, you understood why the bunny wasn’t afraid. No one would hurt her here, she was somehow completely safe. The snake approached first, cautious, stalking. It’s blue eyes, you realized, were actually closer to a gunmetal grey. The hawk swooped in then, graceful and feathered. Its talons were outstretched, and you noticed that they were scarred with small, almost invisible, winding lines. The rabbit was oblivious to the mini-knifes plunging at her through the sky.

Just as you thought the hawk would strike, the snake propelled himself up and met it, deflecting the blow from the bunny and taking it himself.

The rabbit, now, was clued in. She watched, eyes wide as the snake and the hawk struggled. Their fight showed no signs of ending, and you got the impression that the rabbit was afraid for the fate of both parties involved.

In a flash, the snake broke free and winded himself around the rabbit in the grass. At first you thought he would squeeze her to death, and the rabbit seemed to think so too. Then, the snake faced the hawk again and hissed. You realized, with a bit of surprise, that the snake’s stance around the rabbit was protective.

The dream fizzed and faded away, and you were catapulted into a memory: a lonely, sad hallway at midnight. But… a different perspective.

This time, you were the one huddled against the wall, weeping into yourself.

A tentative hand touched your shoulder. You opened your dream eyes. The hand was long and pale and connected to an equally long and pale face: Draco. The moonlight shone through the window and hit his white hair at an irritatingly perfect angle.

“Y/N,” he asked, grey eyes full of concern, “Are you alright?”

You jolted awake, back into reality, back into the Room of Requirement.

Around you, the large bed was still unbearably comfortable. Through the windows, afternoon light streamed, and you realized that you must have been sleeping for a few hours. You threw the comforter off yourself, and padded across the cool stone floor barefooted. Drawing a heavy velvet curtain back, you looked outside. The Quidditch stands were still full of people, and streaks of yellow and green warred in the air above the field.

You remembered the dream, then, looking out at the sunny November day. You weren’t entirely sure how to feel. It almost felt like the snake and the hawk were other people. It would make sense, wouldn’t it? If the rabbit was you, then maybe the snake and hawk were people you knew.

Your mind drifted curiously to the second dream. Why the hell had your subconscious conjured that? Draco hated you, or so you were rather sure. But his expression in the dream had been so caring… so conscious of your feelings. There was something you were missing.

You gathered your things, still pondering the dream’s revelations. In the hallway, a figure stood to meet you. It was Draco, and he looked angry. His wand was raised in a rather threatening position. When he met your gaze, his expression relented slightly.

“Oh, it’s you,” he said lamely, lowering his wand.

You scoffed and stepped back, a bit surprised to see him standing there, especially after the dreams you’d just had. “Yes, it’s me. Who’d you think it was going to be?”

“Someone else,” he stated, his eyes wandering over you. His brows quirked up, “Do you ever put on real clothes when you’re not in class?”

You looked down, and noticed with a jolt that you were still wearing the Room’s gift: the perfect silk pajamas. “Yes, obviously. Erm, what are you doing here?”

His expression shifted, eyes narrowed, “I need to get into the Room of Requirement.”

“Oh. Right,” you crossed your arms in front of your chest in an attempt at a defensive pose, “What for?”

Draco sneered, “None of your business.” His eyes softened then, and he opened his mouth to speak, “I—”

But your hand had flown to your mouth in recognition, the things you were carrying falling from your arms in the process. His expression, his eyes. Even though the expression of the Draco in front of you was nowhere near as sympathetic as the Draco in your dream, it was enough. You knew: Draco was the snake.

He stared at you, brows pinched together, his face somewhere between annoyance and confusion, “Merlin, get a grip.”

You weren’t paying attention. You quickly scooped the things from the floor, Draco making no attempts at helping you, and started walking away. Over your shoulder, you called, “See you in detention.”

Draco watched you walk away, then turned back toward the now-blank wall in front of him. He exhaled, and allowed his expression to neutralize, as if he was slipping on an ice-cold, skin-thin mask. Pacing quietly, he thought. I need the Vanishing Cabinet. I need the Vanishing Cabinet. I need the Vanishing Cabinet.

The Room of Requirement was both a great comfort and a great stress to Draco. He walked into the room carefully, the fixing of Cabinet was not going well.

He tried for an hour or so, working on the Cabinet, following instructions from every book on Vanishing Cabinets in order to fix it.

As he worked, he wondered what you’d been doing in here, in pajamas, no less. Draco recalled the night you’d caught him in a rather…unfortunate position. He had expected to hear rumors the next day about what you’d seen, he’s expected you to tell everyone, he’d expected his reputation to need repairing. But, you’d stayed quiet, and he had no idea why.

That night, he considered, she was wandering the halls alone too. Awake at an ungodly hour. Maybe she… Draco stopped himself. He didn’t care why you’d been out of bed. You meant nothing to him. You were a nuisance, you were…

Well, he was a little grateful that you hadn’t given him the additional stress of telling people that The Draco Malfoy was crying and alone and hopeless.

Draco lazed around the Room of Requirement. In this form, there were lost objects everywhere. Objects people had come to store somewhere���anywhere: old broomsticks, he assumed these were faulty; random books; broken desks and chairs; an ancient looking teapot and teacup set, even with tea still in it. The tea wasn’t even cold yet. Draco wondered briefly if the pot was charmed to never cool. He sniffed. Hmm, chamomile.

---

Tag List: @drawlfoy @buckys-hoeee @silversslytherin @acciodracoo @afootnoteinyourhappiness @a-hopeless-fan @ilkaeliseb @accio-rogers @laurarestrepo98 @ellewoods2b @naomi02hook​ @ohitsmai (tumblr won’t let me tag you, it might be a setting you can fix) Did I miss anyone?? If I did, just let me know!!

[sevsnapeoriginalfanfix]

Pt. 2- You Don’t Have To Go Through This Alone

Trigger warning: Themes of depression, but no explicit suicide or self- harm details

Severus Snape + Hermione Granger drabble/one-shot; angst; fluff; enemies to lovers; happy ending; mental health first; adult Hermione as Hogwarts professor

Hermione turned the doorknob aggressively, stopping only when she heard his voice- the soft words that surely she had misheard. Inhaling slowly, Hermione closed the door and turned around.

“Wh...what?” she asked in disbelief. He, too, inhaled slowly. It was hard enough to say it once.

“I said...you’re right, Hermione. You’ve got it all right.” In any other situation, Hermione would have positively cheered. She would have gloated. She would have laughed and teased and celebrated. But this time was different. Hermione slowly meandered to the table, afraid he might explode again at any moment. But he didn’t.

“I have changed. I’ve seen how people look at me. I’ve heard what they say. But I can’t...I don’t know…” his words trailed off. He concentrated at the floor, feeling her knowing glance burning into him. Without realizing what she was doing, Hermione grabbed his hand and began to massage it with her thumb.

“Severus, tell me the truth. What’s going on?” A painful silence followed.

“I prayed that no one would find me, Hermione. After years of what I thought was the worst my life could get, I was ready to go. When Potter saw me at my weakest…I thought that was rock bottom. I passed out- from blood loss- I suppose and awoke hours later in my own blood and filth. My face was damp with tears and I...I wanted it to all be over. I closed my eyes and prayed for it all to end. The next time I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital bed.” Hermione’s eyes swam with tears and she intertwined her fingers in his.

“But it got worse. I was denied everything I knew. I couldn’t walk or talk for months...I couldn’t hold a wand, I couldn’t even cast a non-verbal spell. Do you know who visited when I was in the hospital those many months?”

Hermione’s thoughts conjured many guesses from McGonagall to Draco Malfoy, but she shook her head.

“No one,” he admitted, smiling grimly. “No one.”  Hermione burst into the tears she had been so desperately trying to repress. Laying her head on the table, Hermione sobbed tears of shame, guilt, empathy, and pity. Severus stroked the crown of her head as she wept bitterly for the man she had been convinced she hated.

“Severus, I’m so sorry...we didn’t...I mean...Harry told us you were dead. We thought you were....”

“It’s no matter. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. And be honest, Hermione. No one would have come even if they knew.” Hermione longed with everything inside her to refute his claim. To assure him that he was loved and admired and that he would have had thousands of visitors. But she couldn’t escape the nagging, bleak reality that he was correct. Even as a hailed hero, he was still the bitter, nasty Potions master that everyone avoided.

“Recovery was brutal. I wasn’t able to perform the most menial tasks. It was humiliating...emasculating. Once again, I prayed for it to end. But...I was nearly healed after a year. I couldn’t bear to lay around and feel meaningless. That’s when Minerva informed me that my old job was open.”

Hermione nodded. She and Severus had been hired the same week, though he had years of experience and she had....well, books smarts and completed coursework through Hogwarts. She had anticipated his arrival, both in fear and excitement. She couldn’t wait to talk with him about his part as Voldemort’s right-hand man...about surviving the snake attack...about winning the war! The man that returned to Hogwarts looked as he did now, sitting before her: unkempt, emaciated, disheveled, and clothed with a disconcerting air of apathy. She had been too afraid to approach him about his past experiences. It wasn’t long before rumors began to swirl...Severus Snape had lost it. His assignments were far too simple, his language far too crude, his attitude far too lax.

“I remember,” she confirmed, softly. Her memory conjured the image from many months prior when she walked into his Potions classroom during her break. He hadn’t seen her. His standard black attire was filthy and buttons were only half done. His feet rested up on the desk and he drank from his black thermos while the students attempted a potion found in a textbook. One moment he was calm, the next he was screaming at a rather green-looking second-year because he asked to go to the hospital wing. Hermione had slipped out of the classroom unnoticed.

“I came to teach, but I learned a valuable lesson within the first month or two,” Severus admitted. Hermione raised an eyebrow. “The only thing worse than feeling meaningless is being in a place you call home and still feeling alone.”

For several moments, neither said a word. Hermione began to run her fingers through his raven hair, which was greasy even for him. She wondered if he was showering. Hermione looked around the living quarters again and concluded that he probably hadn’t been taking care of anything for a while.

“Severus, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here for you...but I have to know what’s going on.” She looked up at him with eyes so full of sorrow and empathy that he began to lose his resolve. He closed his eyes.

“Hermione...I wake up and I feel the weight of everything. I lace my morning coffee with Firewhisky just to get me going. I go to work and it’s all I can do to get through the day. I know it seems like I put in minimal effort, but you have no idea how much effort it takes just to survive. I come home too exhausted to clean up. I have a nightcap and I go to bed, but I toss and turn. When I sleep, I have the most horrible, vivid dreams. I want to shower, but I can’t. I want to cook, but I can’t. I want to teach the way I used to but I...I can’t.” With this admittance, his eyes welled with tears and his lip began to quiver uncontrollably. He turned away, praying she hadn’t seen the tears. Hermione removed her hands from his and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tightly. She stroked his hair wordlessly, occasionally dropping her hand to his back- caressing him gently. Though she could hear no sobs, Hermione could feel his far-too-thin body trembling against her.

Hermione released him from her embrace and found herself nose-to-nose with a tear streaked Severus Snape. For a moment, she gazed into his deep eyes and cursed herself for the realization that she had overlooked an incredibly handsome man. This was not the time, she knew. But she pondered how she could have missed that strong jaw, regal Aquiline nose, and cupid-bow lips. His obsidian eyes, still damp with emotion, looked more human than she had ever seen them. Close enough to smell the Firewhisky on his breath, Hermione resisted the urge to kiss his naturally pursed lips. Severus broke the gaze first. Could it be- or was he just flushed from crying?- that Severus Snape was blushing?

“Severus, you’re not going to be alone anymore. We are going to get you through this, no matter what it takes. In the Muggle world, this is called depression. It’s often triggered from a traumatic event or lifestyle change...and you’ve had more of those than I can count. We can find someone for you to talk to…” Severus’s eyes nearly bulged from his head.

“Hermione, I couldn’t…” he objected immediately. “It was hard enough opening up to you…”

This time Hermione interrupted. “I know. I could even go with you. But I want you to get help. I want you to find joy again- or even for the first time.” Severus looked as if he had swallowed a particularly nauseating batch of Polyjuice Potion. Hermione smiled softly and took his hand, noting the electric jolt it seemed to send through her veins. “It’s alright to ask for help, Severus. I know it’s hard, but it doesn’t make you weak.” He returned the smile this time, gently squeezing her hand. “I’m sure there are even Potions you could make to help…and Firewhisky doesn’t count!!!” she exclaimed as a mischievous grin flickered across his face. “We are going to get you back to where you were before all of this,” she added, determinedly. Snape shook his head.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to be better than ever before. Dare I say...maybe even content?” He gave her hand another squeeze. “You’ve helped so much already.” Severus surveyed her hazel eyes, misty with elation. It seemed like an eternity before he began to lean in, his lips moving toward hers...

With a hand pressed again his chest, Hermione signaled him to stop.

“Severus….”

“I know,” he admitted. “I have to get better. And I have to do it for myself.” Hermione beamed, tears of relief beginning to form. “I guess it’s just that I feel like now I have something worth living for.” The two looked at each other, truly wishing they could accept this sweet moment...but in true Severus form, he added, “It’s my new Potions set, obviously,” making sure to drag out the last word. Hermione erupted into laughter and Severus allowed himself the most sincere smile he’d felt since his days by the lake with Lily, ages and ages ago.