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sigmabateman · 1 year ago

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thank you so much @velvetcrowbar444 for tagging me to talk about 5 things im obsessed with at the moment!!

this got longer than i anticipated so im putting it under the cut, but for simplicity's sake i'll tag people up here: @nights-decay, @boycentriccplot, @flaming-tsunami, @sourgelatin no pressure though of course!

persona 5... ok i have to be honest ive been really reluctant to talk about this on here and its why ive been quiet the past at least week or so. no idea why. i guess cause its so different from the stuff i usually post about that i feel like, embarrassed? but i started playing persona 5 royal around may and really liked it but i didnt have the time to properly get into it until now and it has completely taken over my life entirely without me even realising. to be honest i could obsess over like a rock on the ground if i saw it at the right time in my life but hands down persona 5 is one the best if not the best game ive ever played in my life. the story is engaging, the characters are distinctive and realistic and i really really care about all of them, the gameplay is so much fun and combat is buttery fucking smooth like nothing ive ever played before, the music is top tier and what got me interested in the game in the first place, and the ART DIRECTION. it speaks for itself to be honest ESPECIALLY compared to the older games. i was shocked starting persona 4 because of how different it is to persona 5 like, persona 5 has SUCH a distinct visual identity as well as tone, themes, imagery etc it is all just so stunning and perfect and i want to live in it. but i think about it so often like literally 24/7 that i may as well be. i <3 persona 5 and i <3 YUSUKE KITAGAWA. he's definitely my favourite character and he came out of NOWHERE but hes actually everything in the world to me. one of the characters ever.

persona 4 is it a copout to say that? i did try and condense both games into one bullet point but 1. they're such a mainstay in my life right now i was struggling to think of more points and 2. it kind of lost its precision and didn't effectively convey just how personapilled i am right now. i originally wasn't gonna play 4, all i knew is that it was more difficult and less good so i thought i should stay away. but if you go anywhere persona-related on the internet (which i would warn against, the fandom is a fucking cesspit the likes of which i havent seen in a long time as an obscure-shit-enjoyer) you'll quickly run into adachi. and as a lover of men with high-pitched voices and sexypedia entries... i couldn't stay away. before even starting the game i had made a d6 and d20 with different adachis on each face so really it was just a matter of time. and you know what... it's not that bad. the graphics were a SHOCKING step down but i find the low(er) poly style really charming. the adachi model is too cute T_T whenever i see it in the game world i just wanna sit with it for ages. i wonder if i could get it like 3d printed so i could keep him on my desk with me at all times... its bad for me ! the combat is fucking clunky espeically compared to 5 and i kind of hate it but that just makes it more rewarding when i can finally stop LOL. some of the characters (especially the main few (yosuke, chie, yukiko)) took a bit to grow on me but its kind of sweet.. its like authentic.. our relationship is growing as i get to know them better... but dojima and nanako ive loved since i first set eyes on them. too cute. it makes me feel so fatherless. its like.. a lot more magnetic than i expected it to be. i love it even with all its flaws. i saw a meme about it being like twin peaks and thats kind of so real. and you know i love a murder mystery... so yeah tldr i like persona now. but its hard to talk about it on here because it is such a big fandom but not like an active one like spiderman or like good omens or whatever slightly more normal people are watching so its kind of intimidating. maybe ill get over myself, maybe ill go silent for 3 months until i get into something new. we'll see i guess LOL

my gender identity TUMBLR MOMENT I KNOW but i dont know.. ive had a lot of time to myself recently and its kind of brought things to the surface that i just didnt have time or space to think about before. turns out there was a LOT OF STUFF i was repressing without even knowing. like that tweet 'im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rn'. i posted on instagram "gender around cis people: boy, gender around trans people: girlboy, gender by myself: computer program" and that kind of sums it up i think. can i coin like.. complicatedgender. where your answer to the question "whats your gender?" is "it's complicated..." cause thats me. its just COMPLICATED okay!!!! but my pronouns havent changed or anything so its chilllllll

going to bed at a reasonable time. i phrased that like a joke answer but its true. i downloaded pokemon sleep and now i go to bed at 11:30pm cause at 11 i get a notification saying my pokemon are sleepy and shit i gotta take care of my pokemon!! i dont even know if its doing me any good to be honest like i dont feel much better when i wake up but making myself get into bed and shut my eyes means more thinking time and to be honest my favourite activity is thinking. even if as silly as it sounds i never give myself time to do it. its playing a weirdly big role in my life rn so yeah id say im obsessed with it!!!

this asmr video. im secretly always posting about asmr so really i could just say that, but like, ASMR | The Mortician (No Talking – You're Dead) specifically is such a mainstay i can feel its influence seeping into my life like an infection. this video would actually show up in my recommended for YEARS but i never watched it. gave me a major ick for some reason. but then i got into this guys stuff and saw it again and thought id give it a go and now its like an extra limb. fuck my 3rd bullet point, this is my gender identity. i could not articulate in words what it is about the mortician that i love so much, but i really really do. i am certifiably obsessed. cant believe i made it through this whole thing without mentioning alex. but there you are. yay this was fun :D

#tag game

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bebx · 1 year ago

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hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

#my inbox is open

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dongfangxunfeng · 2 years ago

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hi xin!! im not sure what youre up to in succession but what do you think so far? like do you have any characters or themes or anything thats really intriguing to you/that you think has been explored really well etc? i think theres sooooo much there but i get a bit too 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 to really articulate it well BUT i love hearing what other people are thinking abt it. mwah hope youve been well too 💜

HI VAL <333333 I LOVE SUCCESSY!!!! so im on the s2 finale (havent watched it yet but thats the today plan) and i have many. vibe related feelings not super coherent but yeah :)

first off its just soooo embarry that i understand wtf theyre about all the time <- businessmajorisms 😭 its genuinely so embarrassing when theyre saying shit like 'we need a poison pill white knight defence' and i know exactly what theyre referring to

my real 1st thought is that u def need to like. care about what they're parodying bc otherwise (1) to me its not as interesting if not, bc otherwise ur just glazing thru a lot of important context - probably why among other reasons i couldnt get into it the first time around when i watched like 2 eps (2) just based on brief observations it can make you a lil weirdinsane abt the characters when you treat them like. a regular guy from your shows (hence shit like tomgreg 😭😭😭)

the familial abuse dynamics. insane btw. logan @ his family vs logan what he presents to the world/people he wants things from vs logan what he presents to his employees..........and then you can see connor&willa and go ah yes . different flavour of abuse . insanity

UNRELATED BUT. tom & greg's voices are kind of in my head now i had an argument w myself this morning but in their voices and then i was like oops ive been watching too much

speaking of watching too much so /i/ am also a businessguy(ish. its complicated) who is . at this point running a newspaper (ish. we havent rlly started but ive been doing so much interviewing i am actually writing this in a break btwn them) so im like. omg what if im commiting mediacorporate crime and its like no. youve just been watching succession

ANYWAY CHARACTERS. shiv fascinates me. like yes her family esp logan doesnt really respect her opinions but also she is sooooo slimy. smth abt how ur sympathies for her get played with incessantly < shiv enjoyer

i hate tom sm but i cant hate hate him....actually i think that describes most of the characters. lol

the way theres so much dead air in this show is like. gweoifjiewjfoiwjefiw the awkwardness of it all. really adds to it

I WILL BE BACK I NEED TO FINISH MY INTERVIEWSSTAYTUNED

#asks #HIIIIIIIII<3 THIS WAS SUCH A FUN ASK

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angst-in-space · 1 year ago

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hello! for the fic game, may i ask about "and when i lose myself i think of you"? :v (also those lyrics really made me nostalgic i havent heard that song in AGES lol)

ahaha omg, truthfully i'm a little embarrassed someone recognized those lyrics i'm like "oh no, now everyone will know i had a huge tokio hotel phase" 🤣 but let's be real that song is a banger lol

anyway—that's my matchablossom bedsharing fic!!! i've been working on that for uh...a very long time.....started it when sk8 was still airing and yet i still have not finished it LMAO but i have been working on it a bit lately!

a bit of a snippet just cuz 👀

Kojiro releases a heavy sigh. “You heard what I said.” He looks at Kaoru then and there’s far more serious, far more soft to his eyes than there should be. It makes a shudder travel through Kaoru’s bruised ribs and startles the air from his lungs. “You don’t need to apologize, Kaoru. I mean... you were hurt really badly. I’m just doing whatever I can to help, alright?” A hint of uncertainty seeps into his tone towards the end. It reminds Kaoru of the way Kojiro was as a child—far before he developed such a self-assured attitude, before he studied abroad in Italy, before he returned to Okinawa with an ever-present crooked grin and bulky muscles. A ghost of his childhood self has always lurked under the surface—the sensitive boy who cried over a dead bird they found on the playground at recess once, the boy Kaoru often had to defend from bullies when they were little. He hasn’t seen this side of Kojiro in a while now, and its sudden presence only wages an even more violent war on his heart. He takes a breath to answer, but no words come out when he opens his mouth. The corners of his eyes sting and he looks away, desperate to hide it. He is not going to cry in front of Kojiro when he’s already humiliated himself enough. “Kaoru,” Kojiro says softly. He shifts a bit in his seat, pauses, then reaches out to rest a hand on Kaoru’s forearm. His touch is so light that Kaoru almost doesn’t feel it at first. Startled, he looks down at Kojiro’s hand, then up at his face, and... oh. This is far too much like that moment seven years ago, when Kaoru first realized his feelings, when they were sitting in Kojiro’s car outside the hospital. Just like then, Kaoru feels as if he’s teetering on the edge of something dangerous. He could so easily pitch forward and take the risk he’s so desperate to take—but there’s nearly two decades of friendship on the line, and the very thought of losing that is more terrifying to him than anything else. Besides, he’s already lost his chance. Kojiro pulls his hand away and rubs the back of his neck as he examines the dashboard. “What I’m trying to say is, I... I’m here for you. So, don’t feel bad.”

wip title ask game

#brigidanswers #wip title game #fic wip #fanfic #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #matchablossom

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xreallyanythingx · 2 months ago

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First adult heartbreak

I stopped dating for almost 2 years basically after I came out due to a few important reasons. For one thing even though i did come out, i am fully aware i have not accepted myself in my own head about being gay. I still have homophobic thoughts and feel uncomfortable discussing the topic. Second, I cannot date while I live with my parents because that would mean bare minimum to my girlfriend and not treating her as she deserves. Third, i am not in a career and financial position where i see myself having time for a partner. All those reasons however do not make loneliness and human needs go away lol.

Fast forward to this past August, i met a beautiful wonderful girl on hinge. I was in the mindset of keeping things casual with whoever I met but things felt different with her. I have this mindset of if i meet someone i truly like and see a future with then the reasons i mentioned before would not matter and i would be serious about a relationship. When I took this girl on our first date, the second i laid eyes on her i got the feeling of “i will do absolutely anything and everything it takes to keep this woman in my life.” That date will forever be memorable to me because it was the first time i was in public with a romantic interest where i did not feel self conscious or embarrassed about. I did not care if everyone knew i was gay, fuck atp i wanted everyone to know i was on a date with such an amazing woman. I never felt that way before. We connected so well, she really as someone i saw a whole future with. For the next few weeks, i was another person imo. I was a happier, healthier, kinder, etc. I wanted to go above and beyond. I was truly understanding what people felt when they talk about love. I was excited. Then of course idk what happened. I perhaps allowed my anxious attachment habits crawl out and perhaps i overwhelmed her? I may have said something incredibly stupid. I may have given her the ick. I may have taken things too slow? I may have disrespected her? Maybe the whole time she was expecting something else? Maybe she really just didnt feel it anymore? Idk. Something happened and things stopped.

It’s been two months now since she ended things. I’ll be honest, i havent exaclty gotten over it… i am definitely doing better than the first 2 weeks but every day consists of thinking about her, checking up on her, reminiscing our conversations and trying to figure out what went wrong. I have talked about this a lot with myself and with my friends. I’m honestly just tired of these thoughts i have, even writing this post is dreadful because i dont want to talk or think about it anymore. Yet i find myself thinking about her almost every fucking minute im awake. Im tired of it.

I have came to my conclusions to this whole situation after 2 months. I do not regret meeting her because she showed me how much love i am capable of giving when i truly like someone. I have standards of who i should date and what i am capable of receiving. I will never ever let someone into my life that easily ever again no matter how sweet they seem to be (love bombing fucked me over lmao). I have said my peace (i literally told her how i felt and she still chose to leave) and therefore it is her decision to come back or not. We meet other people depending on where we ourselves are in life. Therefore i know i will meet someone better suited for me as i enter a new chapter in my life (aka moving out lol). I do not believe in soulmates, there are simply people that are very compatible with us and it is up to us to choose who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I am proud to say I am who I am because of myself. Although she broke my heart, everything i built for myself was due to me and therefore i can rebuild myself again and better without her. All she did was uncover parts of myself i didnt know i had but regardless it was already there. Life was great before her and now life will be better without her.

I miss her dearly but ya me conozco tambien, i get over shit so i just have to actively put energy into myself again and allow time to do its thing. Its funny though because i feel like once I am over this situation, a part of me feels like its been permanently broken/tainted. When i have the moments where i feel okay, i still feel this cloud over me, a constant guard i have up. I dont know how to describe it but essentially i dont think i’ll ever be the same exact kind of happy i was before i met her. I’ll most definitely be happy again but never the same. I dont think thats a bad thing but its definitely interesting to think about.

24.

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irregulardiaryposts · 10 months ago

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20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

#not using the tagging system i did on other posts i dont think theyre ever likely to be useful lmao

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smileymoth · 11 months ago

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Self harm tw

Im not gona do anything rn bc im going home tomorrow and the ones i made last week havent even healed properly but i swear to god one day im going to slice up my wrists just to experience what it looks and feels like because its always been a fucked up fantasy of mine because ive been mentally ill since i was 10 and even without the internet i wouldve lost it some other way. Sometimes i think about going too deep and having to get stitcjes. But if it happened it would be on accident. I woildnt do it on purpose bc im a coward.

I remember in 5th grade we were on a school trip and i lost my mind bc of prohably overstimulation lbr and i started to badly grate away at my wrist witj a plastic knife and that was so cringe i remember feeling cringe immediately since i calmed down and its so embarrassing that i have these thoughts in the first place since youre not supposed to. The next morning i woke up and my dad noticed ky scratched arm and he made a joke about it. It didnt feel too good. Ive never cut too much. I remember in 6tj grade i would cut a small piece of skin off my wrist with scissors and i stkll have a scar from it and it would burn dry to air exposure and id be kinda disturbed bc there was a hole in my skin (go figure) but its so small now. All my sh scars have mostly faded. Ive never done too much because im scared to do too much and go too deep but by god i want to. But i dont want the scars. I dont want my mom to see. I dont want people to see. I just want the feeling it gives. Even if you dont do too much rhe pressure release or adrenaline calmdown after feels so nice and uoi feel so good for like 5 minhtes before you regret what you did. Like its not even a big problem to me lbr i just do a couple to get away iwth saying my cat attacked me and thats why theyre always crooked or i "scratched myself against a screw at school lol" idk if my mom ever really believed me in the first place. Its always awkward when she asks bc i pretend i didnt notjce i have them. And while i dont do it a lot and often ive never cut myself more tjan in the past 2 years. Did my dads death trigger this. I dont know. And i feel like its getting worse slowly. And im just letting it happen because i stopped caring i guess. I dont know. I guess thats why i starved myself in high school bc it was "invisible" and not noticable l. I dont know. I feel so patjetic that i even think about it so often that i do. Like im 22 i should be getting a job and a partner not thinking of which spot on my wrist is most optimal to draw blood with a fucking dirty ass boxcutter that i sprayed a-sept on so if my mom notices it would be least suspicious.

God i cant keep up i cant keep up with life at all im not built for this life it feels like. Im so overwhelmed all the time and i feel disgusting and patjetic and annoying. I dont really care about the things i should i just pretend i care mostly. Thats an autism trait right. Lack of empathy. I feel empathy but sometimes it feels tjat im empathetic just because its right to ne, not tjat i actuallt care. Youd be surprised how little things i acrually care about. Im a little internet attentionwhore who cant kill herself nc her mom and besties would be sad. Im not fucking special for any of this im just pathetic and burnt out and dead on the inside. Im never going to get better am i. Im never going to be what i want to be. Whats the fucking point right. Whats the point of complaining if im not even going to do anything. i wont cut myself open like i want to because its useless and dangerous and doesnt fix anything anyway and i cant kill myself either so ill just complain om tumblr instead and describe in detail how ive cut myself before bc thats entertaining. I feel like im writing a deviantart vent journal

#moth post #tw self harm #tw suicide #im fucking spiraling rn dont mjnd me

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pesterloglog · 1 year ago

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Jake English, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5805-5814

GT: Roxy?

GT: Rox! What is she saying?

GT: Talk to me roxy!!!

GT: Please dont leave me hanging here.

GT: I cant take it i cant bear having two of my closest chums hate me and then having you shut me out on top of that!

TG: ok sheesh jake calm ur microshorts

TG: im here

GT: Ah there you are.

GT: Im sorry for being a pest but i just see jane there pecking away at conversations with you and dirk and it feels like youre all kind of leaving me behind.

TG: no jake nobodys doin that

GT: Ok yeah im probably being paranoid...

GT: But ive done such a bangup job of alienating my other friends.

GT: So youre the only one i can talk to for now.

GT: Wait i havent alienated you yet have i?

TG: nah dont worry we are still humanated

GT: Are you really sure roxy? Are you sure youre not just trying to spare my feelings?

GT: You can be honest with me! If you hate me now too please just say so.

TG: SWEET GUY FIERIS FAT LAUGHING GHOST JAKE

TG: no i dont hate you i promise youre still my bro god dammit!

GT: Ok. Phew!

GT: Then talk to me!

TG: um

TG: about what

GT: I dont know. Anything! What are you talking about with jane?

TG: my drinkin problems

GT: I see.

GT: Would you like to talk about them with me? Maybe i could help!

TG: damn jake

TG: like

TG: that is cool and appreciated in theory?

TG: but this is some kinda heavy shit 4 me

TG: i rly dunno if i can do double duty on my alcoholism with you and jane simultaneously

GT: Oh. Yeah thats probably not the best way to go.

TG: yes prolly not

GT: Sooo then. What else is there we can chew the old fat about?

GT: Really bond over together in an emotionally fulfilling manner?

TG: dag you are an extra silly guy

GT: Well??

TG: dunno j why dont u tell me what youre thinkin an we go from there

GT: Alright.

GT: So. That sure was a doozy of a kiss you gave dirk there huh?

TG: LOL fuck

TG: yeaaaahhh

GT: How was it?

TG: it was

TG: uuuummmmm

GT: Go on!

TG: it was fuckin INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!

TG: and yet

TG: and yet.........

TG: omg it was so choice

TG: but wrong!

TG: wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

GT: I dont know. It seemed innocent enough to me.

GT: What was so wrong about it?

TG: a whole host of things...

TG: not sure in how much detail i wanna spell out why exactly it wasnt cool

TG: but like

TG: jake ur a pretty simple guy and i mean that as <3ways as possible

TG: it just wasnt right

GT: No disagreement there. But like i said im here to talk about whatever you feel like.

TG: ok see this is just another embarrassing thing from my past

TG: when i was more out of control

TG: with dirk i was just

TG: waaay too aggressive

TG: i hassled him all the time

TG: pretty much every day just like he said

TG: about

TG: me and him

TG: like

TG: GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

TG: U KNO LAST MALE & FEMALE ON EARTH OOH HES A HUNK! IS DREAMZ COME TRU TIME 4 REPOPULATE!!!

TG: yeah

TG: so not cool lookin back on it

TG: and i had no excuse i always knew he was just

TG: SUCH a gay dude

TG: and i guess maybe hitting on a guy who dont like girls once or twice maybe is alright or even flattering but after so long it was probably just pissing him off or messing with his head or something

TG: it def wasnt what he wanted to hear from a friend

TG: let alone day in and day out through garbled drunktexts

TG: so when i fuckin harassed him into kissin me...

TG: it just brought back some low rent shit i thought we put behind us

TG: just another way i completely humiliated myself in front of him

GT: So is that why you cant talk to him now?

TG: mmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm

GT: I certainly have no trouble relating to that.

TG: yep

TG: i dont even know why really

TG: hes like taciturn to the max about everything

TG: but theres somethin about him

TG: that just makes it hurt to feel like you let him down

GT: You really love him dont you?

TG: siiigh

TG: yeah jake i guess

TG: the answer is

TG: a categorical unapologetic fucking 'yeah'

TG: but

TG: i dont think that was much a secret

TG: and the fact that it was so LOUDLY not a secret exemplified my stupidity on the matter

GT: Its fair to say i never came close to feeling as strongly about him as you.

GT: I envy you actually. Ive actually worried at times that i just wasnt capable of feeling that way about anyone.

GT: And maybe thats why i was just meant to be alone.

TG: ehh you aint missin much

TG: love is a brutal shitninja w/ turds 4 nunchucks

TG: be grateful that stank ass motherfuckers flippin out nowhere near you

GT: I noticed you nearly slipped that wedding ring on his finger!

TG: oh GOD

TG: that ring

GT: You almost scooped my boyfriend out from under me in one fell proposal.

TG: oh DID i

TG: from under u eh? ;)

GT: Wait. No i mean...

TG: ;););););) wonks 4 eternity

GT: WHOA NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

TG: easy dude just messin

GT: Oh.

GT: Ha ha ok.

TG: man

TG: that ring tho

TG: what happened to it do you remember?

GT: Not really.

TG: god damn it

TG: must of lost it when i was a FUCKING trickster

TG: sflkjfslkfj

TG: *shakes fist @ all trxstrs*

GT: Did you need it for something?

TG: need it?

TG: not really

TG: i just really liked that ring

TG: kinda spoke to me in a way

TG: hehe

TG: want to know something lame?

GT: Yes.

TG: the moment i first saw that ring

TG: i was like in my head

TG: thinkin

TG: some day i want to give that ring to the person i marry

TG: whoever that is

GT: Daw.

GT: Thats not lame thats nice.

TG: nah its pretty lame but w/e

TG: shows what sorta one track mind i got

TG: god i am obsessed with findin somebody to kiss arent i

TG: it is rly quite pathetic

TG: although the funny thing is the ring turns you invisible

TG: which might be my subconscious telling me something about my lovelife

TG: like i find a guy of my dreams

TG: slip it on his finger

TG: and POOF he disappears!

TG: bye bye hubby

TG: o well dont matter

TG: the ring is gone

TG: and with it so too

TG: are my lame, lame dreams ;(

#homestuck #jake english #roxy lalonde #homestuck act 6 #page 5805 #page 5806 #page 5807 #page 5808 #page 5809 #page 5810 #page 5811 #page 5812 #page 5813 #page 5814 #homestuck act 6 act 5 #homestuck act 6 act 5 act 1 x2

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lazaruspiss · 1 year ago

Text

!!! ok first of all thank u for the food, nom nom eating this post up rn

Second of all i hope u dont me adding a handful of notes as i reread this a few times bc it is Gold

BiB. my absolute beloved.

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

HEY. HEY REMEMBER WHEN I WENT "oh shit im starting to think jason might remind dick of blockbuster" bc AUGH. JASON. 'i'm killing people in your name! why arent you happy!' JASON. head in hands. BiB was so soon after but just long enough that the dust has technically settled enough that dick isn't as vulnerable as he could've been after all that. (every time i read a nightwing story i have to sit back and wonder how dick hasn't completely lost the will to live yet. and then i remember he already has but just feels too guilty to leave. maybe i should add a depression scale to my nightwing notes.)

i've read all of jason's appearances in B&R (2009) bc i wanted to check on some things about his and dick's dynamic and i absolutely loved it, i even have a little mini theory about the pill helmet look (which was cute as hell, haters can bite me): it's much closer to joker's red hood costume than any of jason's typical costumes! it feels purposeful, that alongside dick becoming batman comes jason (trying) to be his joker, not bc he's trying to actually emulate joker in any real way but bc he's trying to put himself in the "loving arch enemy" position with dickbats. or maybe i just have some brainrot about them, lol.

i do give B&R dami a pass to be a mildly bigoted shit bc ive babysat plenty of kids and esp at his age a lot of them just Say Shit, when it was from him i found it funny and endearing bc his age just kind of lends itself to dami saying shit like that w/o any real awareness of it. the actual writing and depiction of fat people/mental illness/queerness is pretty frustrating though. if it was just a weird 10 y/o being mean then it would make total sense to me, but the story itself perpetuates some pretty nasty shit. that said i still havent read it all the way through bc pyg makes me um. Feel Things. in my- ok yeah, TMI. B&R isnt good, but it is right up my fucked up little alley.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

haha. me too jason. <-(aro queer who tried so hard to date. embarrassing.)

and i'm actually pretty interested to see how they handle bizarro, even more so as someone who has needed accommodations myself for mental functionality reasons. (the plus side of knight terrors: nightwing #2 being as bad as it was is that now if i run into ableism in comics i can go "at least its not that" lol. However they handle biz is bound to be better, that issue lowered the bar farther than i thought was possible for me.)

My Jason Todd Rec List and Character Manifesto!

This is a fuckin mess my ghouls, but I got categories and I got opinions and who can stop me from typing em out? Certainly not @lazaruspiss who is the reason this thing got made!

The format is gonna be

title and page numbers (No #s if I'm recommending the whole title) picture Summary and general notes My estimate of how unhinged he is in this portrayal What his morals are like; note this isn't about whether he's a protagonist or antagonist

Since cream rises to the top, let us start with:

The Creme de la Creme

The best of the best. The most fun, the most compelling, the most interesting looks into his character.

Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72

This one really does have it all. Jason runs rings around both Batman and Green Arrow at the same time, all the while going after a goal neither of them ever truly figures out in large part because this story wasn't afraid to let Bruce be either wrong or lying about Jason's motives. It also wonderfully leverages the ways in which the Bats and the Arrows are really good foils for each other. I think I'm going to be turning over the ways these interactions went down for a long ass time. I've been really wanting to go page by page for a comparison between the way Jason treats Mia in this and the way Jason treats Tim in the Titans Tower showdown. Bottom line for this one: It's just so good!

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's got a solid grip on things, is reasonably level headed, only problem is he might have completely forgotten how to interact with other human beings outside of combat. Love him for that.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. Decidedly willing to mow down some "brain donors", and his goals are pretty morally grey, but he clearly still has a strong code of ethics.

Joker: the Man Who Stopped Laughing

With Jason's return to being an antagonist after a long stint in the Hero bin comes his return to being really fucking dangerous and whip smart! My boy quotes serious philosophy that gives him a real point to make against non lethal vigilantes and cops! I also think the part where he lets himself be arrested just... it says so much and all of it is wonderfully interesting and feels fitting for his character. He's kept deeply human, and just all of this portrayal gels together really well.

At the time of writing, this comic hasn't even been properly published yet, so I'm going off of like 9 issues in which he appears less than the Joker, but what is there is phenomenal.

Also I like that he's friends with my favorite, Stephanie Brown :3

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. Level headed, calm, careful, really the only reason this isn't a 10/10 is cause he's obsessively focused, which like, honestly is pretty reasonable I think.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Clearly Justified Antihero. I almost put down Hero on this one, but ultimately he is just far enough over the line with how he treats the less threatening of the rogues like Killer Moth.

Batman (1940) #408 - #411 Jason's debut featuring Ma Gunn's School and his first ever outing as Robin fighting Two-Face

Just LOOK at this PRECIOUS BOY! I wanna pinch him on his cheeks and give him a handful of these bad boys

Jason has a ton of personality to him right out the gate. The first story has Ma Gunn as the villain and she's a lot of fun. The second story in here with Two-Face is also enlightening with regards to Jason's early personality, even if it's not quite as fun.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Under the Red Hood would be next if it wasn't already filed under ->

Foundational Texts

This is the shit that defines Jason as a character. Much is mutable in any given comic, but somehow, someway, all depictions of Jason are impacted and informed by these three stories. Enough has been said about all of them that I'm gonna keep it brief.

Red Hood: The Lost Days

Jason's sanity level: Eight out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. He kills some incredibly nasty people, while also doing some genuinely heroic shit. The only places where his morals deteriorate are in the presence of Batman and the Joker.

Under the Red Hood

Jason's sanity level: Four out of Ten hinges affixed. Remember how his morals deteriorated in the face of Batman and the Joker? Yeah, that's mostly because he's way, way too personally invested to think straight about them. He's strategic as fuck, but this is not a stable man's strategy for dealing with his issues.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. He is a revenant, a vengeful juggernaut, and breaks an awful lot of eggs making this brilliant disaster of an omelette.

Batman (1940) #426 - #429 A Death in the Family

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Joker becoming an ambassador to Iran plotlines count: One too many.

Solid Storylines

These ain't the vaulted heights, but not everything has to be the Sistine Chapel. They're solid, and if you're wanting more Jason I do certainly recommend them.

Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer and Countdown to Infinite Crisis

Jason is in what I like to call his Purposeless Depression Era during this. It's after his plans in Under the Red Hood fail and he's really just got no place to go, no place to be, and in fact is keenly aware that on a cosmic level, he truly does not belong in this world anymore. He's supposed to be dead. There's something I find quite neat about this team up, with Donna Troy and Kyle Raynor and Bob, it's out of the ordinary for Jason, it's not bat related, and the ways he fits and doesn't fit with the other characters are just neat.

I especially recommend Gotham by Gaslight. The plot will be a lil hard to follow if you haven't read the others, but Jason by the end hopes to return to Victorian Era Steampunk Gotham and the moments of him hoping to literally leave his universe behind are both sweet and sorrowful.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's just sad and lonely.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. Even if only Donna is willing to tentatively try to see him that way.

Robin (1993) #177 and one page of #182 and the front half of #183

Despite how much Jason is known for it, I think this is the only time we see him trying to run organized crime outside of Under the Red Hood (and uh debatably Battle for the Cowl). Short lil string of appearances, but critical for understanding how he's seen by Tim during this era if you care about that, and it really cemented my understanding of Jason being strangely honest and forthright.

I think the major way other Bats fail to comprehend him is that they expect him to manipulate through lying, which just isn't his style. He doesn't lie about his motives; he doesn't obfuscate his tactics; he doesn't hide how he's feeling. Hell, he doesn't even try to lie his way out of prison! I could not tell you why this series of interactions gave me this impression but it is why I have such faith that when Jason says something, he probably just means it, even when characters like Dick or Tim assume otherwise.

Pity this was the lead up to Battle for the Cowl.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's even attempting to pick himself up out of his Purposeless Depression Era slump at the start.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the One Where Jason Gets Tentacles

COWARDS and KNAVES will tell you "the tentacles are so icky and everyone is so OOC" or whatever but again they are KNAVES and COWARDS because bitch this shit is GREAT

Dick:

Jason's sanity level: Two out of Ten hinges affixed. My mans is off his rocker and I adore him like this. Frankly, the entire storyline is unhinged, and it only feels appropriate that Jason is similarly bonkers in yonkers.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. You can sympathize with him, and he is still trying to carry out justice, but I have to call it for straight villain when he's threatening to bomb a building full of innocent people.

Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25

I don't have much to say about this one. It's good. The above page is pretty much the highlight.

Wait actually I do have something to say and it is that I would like to lick Jason's abs, pls & thx, because the other highlight is that Winick clearly believes in redeeming Jason's value as a villain through sex appeal and it is working lmao

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. Certifiably sane, he's passed all his psych exams!

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. He threatens to bomb a train station full of innocent people. While he does do that in service of freeing himself and Scarlet, thus making it not completely self centered, I still gotta put him firmly in Villain.

Nightwing (2016) 2021 Annual

In high contrast to the previous two in which Jason acts as a villain to Dick, this one has them working together and the tentative peace and cautious trust they've got going is interesting to me. This Team Z era Jason is interesting to me in general, though I don't know much about him.

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. He's quite chill, but there's just this little edge to him that says his relationship to violence is a little too casual a little too deep to really be fully hinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Edgy Hero.

Your Mileage May Vary

These stories I can't recommend without major caveats or warnings, but I still think are worth mentioning.

Batman: Three Jokers <- I read it while typing this up, so I got a lotta thoughts

Guh, this one is just fucking sad

So, I don't mind a story being blunt with its message as long as the message actually holds up. Unfortunately, this three parter's attempt at the cycle of violence lesson is... bad. Real bad.

Jason in it is neat! This is a good Jason portrayal somehow despite literally everything about the way this comic frames him! The narrative expects us to believe he is a danger to society on the cusp of becoming another Joker, because he *checks notes* shot the Joker dead, shot at a Joker loyal guy, and roughly interrogated an injured child abuser. At no point does he show signs of wanting to hurt innocent people. At no point does he show signs of doing any hurting without premeditation or a need to defend himself. I'm baffled by this.

My kingdom for a fucking CRUMB of nuance, I swear, smh...

I hear a lot of people hate his one sided romance towards Barbara. This is understandable as it squanders the opportunity to have a female character not be stuck as the narrative sponge for man emotions. I like it from the perspective of a Jason fan, and give condolences for the Barbara fans. It's not healthy, and good fucking job on the janitor sweeping away his letter to her so poor Babs doesn't have to deal with that shit, but I do like Jason's desperation to be loved by someone, anyone, who might show him compassion.

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's sad, he's lonely, he needs some PTSD specific therapy, he's a bit creepy about his crush on Barbara, but quite frankly he has it together a lot more than the narrative would like us to believe. The way the other characters treat him like he's some kind of monster just waiting to snap and start maiming people indiscriminately makes me really uncomfortable.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. Quite frankly I'm tempted to say Hero out of spite.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #1 - #43

There are three transcendental character moments in this run that I think make it worth reading even if not all of it's your cup of tea. On the other hand though there are some big issues that could very easily be deal breakers. Oh and anything after #43 is a wasteland and #43 is included purely for the implication that being transgender made a woman immortal.

The narrative structure is really heavily dependent on rule of emotional impact/cool/allegorical usefulness. Many events will not make any fucking sense based on petty things like basic logic or the laws of physics, but they do work just fine in the area of what makes the story more fun or the emotional beats hit harder. Stronger than average suspension of disbelief is necessary for the reward of getting a lot of stuff that's, like, just really fuckin cool.

Now, lets explore a lil bit of the whole Jason is a loser angle, cause it's not the whole story, there are many points in which Jason gets to be a badass motherfucker, but he is much, much less of the hypercompetant, highly determined, murderous threat he used to be. Almost none of the newer renditions of Jason are. This Jason in particular though is very soft and cuddly, and fits the archetype of man trying to be the edgy bad boy but who secretly just wants a hug and a warm glass of milk.

If I were to describe my personal Jason in a few sentences I would say that he is someone who loves himself viciously. He feels he has been wronged and is willing to burn down the world to rectify that. He will hold your ass at gunpoint and demand the hugs and warm glasses of milk that he fucking well deserves!

This Jason is about as far away from that as you can possibly get. I still like him though, and I do not count him as being a different character, because when you start with emotional logic that goes like this:

It wasn't my fault + I deserve better = I get to burn the world down in order to get better

It becomes extremely difficult to ever stop burning the world without also deciding "It was my fault" or "I don't deserve better". Jason is meant to have changed a lot, and this is a plausible evolution of the Jason I prefer.

Finally, the handling of Bizarro, a mentally disabled character, is a sensitive enough topic that your mileage will vary, even if I can't think of a bad thing to say about it. Jason and Artemis are really pretty good about treating him with respect, giving him help where he needs it and autonomy where he's capable of taking it. They raise him, but don't control him, and he is literally three days old when they find him so this isn't infantilization. It takes the framing of Lenny from of Mice and Men and Flowers for Algernon and rejects them in a way that I am satisfied with. You'll just have to read it for yourself to see if you're satisfied as well.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. I kinda wish he was more unhinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. He even saves a puppy and gives them pats.

Knight Terrors: Robin

Have you ever been in the mood for a syrupy sweet hurt/comfort fanfiction in which Jason and Tim were magically forced to talk about how much they like each other in order to overcome their own insecurities? Do you wish that existed as a lavishly illustrated two issue comic?

If you answered yes to those two questions then congratulations! It does exist, this is it, go have fun!

If you think that sounds like ham fisted garbage turning what should be several long arcs of serious reconciliation and deeply meaningful character moments into two issue fan service schlock then condolences! I wish you all the best in denial, as all comic fans sail that river sooner or later and I shall join you upon it someday.

What category do I fall into? Well I think this is definitely ham fisted, but I won't kick a boar out of bed as long as they ain't a bore, and this little ditty is certainly entertaining.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason't moral compass bearing: Hero.

Batman and Robin Eternal

This is a decent portrayal of Jason in his modern, much friendlier, and much more bat family integrated rendition. He has some fun moments in it, and I like his staby bracers.

I don't like this comic. It commits the most dire of writing sins: Being boring. I think about Jason every second of every minute of every day; if your comic that majory features a good portrayal of him cannot hold my attention, then something has gone very wrong. Hopefully one of you will like it more than I do.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

A Hot Take

I bet you thought the tentacles were the hot take! HAH! MuahahaahhHAHAHAH - Prepare now, puny mortals, to witness me defend Pill Helmet Jason AND his fashion choices!

No, I am not talking about Winick's redo late in the game, we've already been over that one. I mean I will defend Grant Morrison's flop era, three foot head gear wearin, goofy ass, unwashed ass, "how to build ur brand" reading maniac

It's time to talk about Batman and Robin (2009) #1 - #6

The interpretation of one scene makes or breaks this Jason:

If you believe he is being insincere and manipulating her into putting all her emotional eggs in the basket of his crusade, ignoring her wellbeing in favor of his 'brand', then this is probably the worst mischaracterization of Jason ever written.

If you believe he is being sincere, genuinely comforting her in the only way that he's got to deal with his own trauma, giving her real affection and not pushing her to take either option with the mask because he trusts her to make that decision for herself, then this gets Jason very right.

No matter what Morrison might have intended, I choose to believe it's the latter. This is terrible advice to give a trauma victim, but it makes perfect sense for Jason to believe that about his own trauma, and thus to pass that maladaptive view along. He doesn't try to assure her that the mask can come off safely or that he'll get her a doctor because he really can't promise her either of those things. It would be cruel to her to pretend that he's got a solution. Jason can't undo the damage that was done to her any more than he can force a dead Bruce to kill the Joker.

Instead he offers her purpose, and reassurance that she's gonna look badass if she never does take it off, and protects her when she's in trouble.

You can claim this is just him acting out his chosen Hero role, but like, WHY would he have chosen to method act that role 24/7 if he wasn't trying to BE a Hero who protects people like Scarlet? There's nothing in it for Jason to fake this.

I also think if he was being written out of character as a manipulator we would have seen him use a romantic or sexual angle which he absolutely doesn't do.

Dickie, you are such a funny Batman, they never shoulda brought Bruce back tbh.

Instead, he seems to be taking a more parental role, in a near perfect reflection of how Bruce took him in when he was a kid. Just he's doing it his way, meaning that whenever Scarlet goes further with the violence than Jason seems to want to, he backs her up instead of chastising her.

Speaking of violence and morals, Let the Punishment Fit the Crime is a coherent moral position to take, even if you (understandably) disagree with it, or disagree with what punishments fit which crimes. It's basically the same moral position as every other version of Jason there's ever been! Like, is he even killing more people than he used to in stories like Under the Red Hood? No, I don't think he is.

The branding thing is weird, lil annoying too after a while, but ultimately it still makes sense. And brings me around to my promised defense of his fashion choices.

First of all the symbolic importance of the fact that he wears white cannot be overstated in my mind. Will I elaborate? No, this post is way too long already lmao! Second off, it's supposed to be silly. I believe the silliness was a conscious, calculated choice, and the right one to make.

Jason doesn't believe that fear works, he's not trying for pure intimidation, and he knows that he's going to have to appeal to people in his bid to be seen as a Hero. Making himself seem big but non-threatening, a bright patch in the night, makes real sense.

Take a look at this view of Jason from Scarlet's POV when he comes to rescue her from the cops after she kills her dad:

He's got a smoking gun in his hand and he just shot two people dead, yet we're hard fuckin pressed to find him intimidating aren't we?? Cornball dialogue, and the silliest fuckin hat in the universe, because he's not meant to be from this era, he's emulating the Golden and Silver age comics and all their goofiness. He's trying to be the older, happier, sillier batman that used to exist (at least in his head), while doing what he believes is right and necessary.

The costume makes sense dammit!

Also it just doesn't look bad, I can't provide an argument for this, it's just true!!

Also also every one of these fuckers should be wearing a helmet too, this is basic brain safety, if you're gonna go around antagonizing fuckers with guns you need to make your head at least nominally bulletproof, it's that simple!!!

Now... do I recommend you read this? Well, Jason shares panel space with such characters as:

The living embodiment of the F-slur

A sneer directed at fat and genderqueer people

And our main villain: Schizophrenia is Evil + Transes are Scary

I do have the sneaking suspicion that Jason isn't interested in Scarlet in part to imply that he's gay, and I think that mostly because of how consistently every other villain is made queer.

I cannot in good conscience recommend something this openly bigoted to the vast majority of people. It's also besides that just... not terribly good. The writing is B tier at best. Pyg is probably the most likable element other than Dick tbh. Scarlet is also pretty neat, I like her. Damian is... okay. Uhhhhh Jason is not likable. I will defend this as a valid rendition of his character, but he's not likable pretty much at all in this.

However.

There are some people I know who I would recommend this to. They're all other queer people who enjoy grotesque, violent, provocative presentations of queerness as much as I do.

Reading it did not ruin my day, and it does not stoop to the ultimate low of being boring. If I had to reread this or Batman and Robin Eternal, I would reread this in a heartbeat, no competition. If you can find enjoyment in stuff like the Silence of the Lambs' sequel and prequel movies, you can find enjoyment in this.

Jason's sanity level: One out of Ten hinges affixed. Obsessive, not taking care of himself, possessed of some really maladaptive trauma coping frameworks, completely unhinged. My condolences to his mental health, but I do love to see it.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. It's weird because this is undeniably a much darker comic, and Jason certainly feels darker, but in terms of what he actually does, and what the other characters do, his violence is honestly very tame.

So, cards on the table, here is the core of who Jason is to me:

He's got clear moral motives and a drive to help as well as harm.

When confronted he does not back down; he does not let himself be overshadowed or silenced. He is confident in his decisions and every bit of push back is already accounted for in his head.

Everything he does is premeditated. He is not impulsive whatsoever.

He is painfully sincere, the way fire is painfully hot.

He desperately desires love and connection, but it will take many years of constant rejection and fighting before he is willing to accept any kind of compromise to his ethics for the sake of civility.

Under all the hurt and combativeness, he's a pretty goofy guy! He's got a sense of fun and likes to be flamboyant and silly when he can!

He's a villain, a hero, a protagonist, an antagonist, and everything between the extremes. He exists as a powerful counter-thesis to Batman, and as such DC can't ever fully answer the question of what to do with him. He exists in this waffling limbo state as his morals are debated, stretched, refuted, turned on their head. I think that makes him a wonderfully fascinating character to love.

I hope you enjoyed this and, like, go have fun reading comics!

#reading list #jason todd #long post

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sw1mmy · 2 years ago

Text

2022 thoughts

With 2022 coming to a close soon, ive been doing a lot of reflecting on the year. I would say overall its been a year with some pretty high highs for me, with some pretty mediocre stuff thrown in to balance things out. I just kind of wanted to get my thoughts down, I dont really expect anyone to care all that much about this post but it's my blog and ill do as i please lmao.

I turned 30 at the beginning of the year, which honestly didnt bother me so much. What did, though, was the amount of people I knew. Ive always been extremely shy and awkward (in my opinion) but I really wanted to start this new chapter of my life trying to meet new people. I'd definitely say I met this goal, ive met a lot of amazing people this year, it's honestly kind of overwhelming. I feel like I can either be way too withdrawn or too overbearing in conversation, so i just want people to know how grateful I am they choose to associate with me.

This is especially true when it comes to DJing. I had been into it during 2020 and did little private streams for like 3 people max, but giving it a go on twitch really panned out well for me and i honestly love doing it. Im happy people seem to be into what im bringing and im eternally grateful to Mina and Jami for DJing with me. The Normal for Girls streams are absolutely the highlight of my year if im being honest. I've never had so many eyes on anything ive ever done and while it was kind of scary, it also felt amazing to be involved with something so many people seemed to have a blast with. im looking forward to doing even more in 2023.

As for other art stuff, I cant help but feel a little disappointed. I really wanted to do more actual music production, but its been a struggle for me to get any ideas im actually satisfied with down. I posted a few things on my soundcloud this year that i honestly felt embarrassed by after a while and took down; id really love to play more music for fun and have that lead into producing come next year. Drawing is also something I havent felt too happy with. I know people have told me otherwise but I feel completely inconsistent stylistically and mechanically im not where i want to be. I would really love to push myself to get into painting more next year; its something ive messed around with a little bit in the past but id like to give it a more honest shot while improving my knowledge of anatomy, perspective and things like that (i am happy that people do like my art when I post stuff of course, I just want to give people something better to look at that im more satisfied with lmao)

There's a LOT more I could talk about lol, like how me and Tristyn got a nice new apartment this year, how I went down to virginia, got to play arcade games i had been dying to play as well as meeting Chi, stuff like that. But I feel like ive rambled enough lmao. if youre down here thanks for reading all that and i hope we both have a great 2023.

#please forgive me for talking about myself

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sunarintoes · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu Aces - Boyfriend Headcanons

Includes: Aran Ojiro, Iwaizumi Hajime, Bokuto Koutarou

*sorry gang, havent had time to capitalise everything yet! ill do that when i get home :)

✗ okokokok

✗ aran my beloved <3

✗ he is so sweet and cute oml i actually love him

✗ hmmmmm Aran seems like the typa dude to kinda love pda? Like definitely not all that icky make out in the middle of the grocery store type beat 🤢but more like the kinda ‘i like holding your hand because i love being close to you’

✗ yeahhhh he’s kinda sappy and you can tease him all you like and tell him it's cringey but he’ll just chuckle it off cause he knows you love it → i mean if you didn't hr would have noticed or you would have said something. COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT PEOPLE! Like in everything and all relationships but like Kita, Aran values communication highly as well and he is capable of it.

✗ oml he loves holding hands with you especially during winter, idk i headcanon that he has warm hands?? So if you have cold hands (like me 😎chilblains gang wya 😎) then hand holding is ✨perfect✨ because he keeps you warm <33

✗ oh also he definitely gives the best hugs on the Inarizaki team! Osamu is a close second but Aran reigns supreme. I don't take criticism.

✗ is he jealous or is he not jealous. Idk he’s a hard person to pinpoint with this. I think it would depend on the weather, nah jk jk but it would depend on many factors like how he’s feeling, who the person is, etc etc. Tsum-Tsum is a bitch (my bitch <3) and WILL actively try to make him jealous. He's just built like that. Oh and Osamu too, yeah he looks like a good boy (and he is <3) but we all know he has a cheeky streak in him ← why else would they be twins? So sometimes he gets involved in Tsum’s antics and boy, boy does Aran hate them. He thinks they’re the bitchiest fuckers ever and will have to restrain himself from slapping those whooligans across the face (and honestly who wouldn't? I could name 76 people who would, starting from myself). BUT aran will never do it because he's very lovely, most he’ll do is send a mean look and shout at them, maybe argue a little. He doesn't like to play into the games so he tries his best to remain casual but if you ever look a tad bit uncomfortable with them then he will not hesitate to jump in and pull you out of the situation.

✗ dates. Dates. A date with aran. Very cute. Cliche cafe dates, taking you to training or a game, wearing his jacket, walks in the park. Yeah, he’s got that autumn vibe about him y'know? Dates are very sweet and wholesome.

✗ oh and did i mention that he’s affectionate? Mans loves to hug and cuddle. He's so sweet honestly.

✗ okokokokokok i have done a bokuto bf headcanons before but that was for a plus sized reader → which can be found here. However this time is just going to be in general :)

✗ HE IS SO JEALOUS! Loud and proud baby. He is so not secretive when he’s jealous, he pouts to you and whines and then shouts and glares at the perp.

✗ if you give any other member on his team more attention than him or cheer louder for them he will be sad :( when you’re watching matches please cheer the loudest for him! And do it a lot! (between you and me, Akaashi has begged you to cheer for him because it motivates him to do his best)

✗ he is an affectionate and cuddly boy. He is not scared of pda, at all. Will hug and cuddle you in public and maybe even kiss you, no shame.

✗ if you're not into that then that's all good!! He respects your boundaries (he’s not the best at this but he is learning, give him time <3)

✗ when you’re alone you're tangled up in a mess of limbs. He loves being close to you and holding on to you.

✗ GIVES THE BEST HUGS!!!

✗ omg his hugs are so soft? Bokuto’s hugs are like a gigantic blanket of warmth that washes feelings of relief and content over you. He makes you feel safe; he makes it his duty to make you feel safe.

✗ dates consist of movie binging, amusement parks, and watching volleyball ← his games or practices or watching an opponents or some other team.

✗ really loves it if you're into volleyball ← take no offense when i say this but bokuto would never date someone who is not into volleyball. It's his sole passion to live and breathe and for someone he loves - his other half, to not share this love of volleyball even just a little bit, it would be heartbreaking for him. Volleyball really is life to him, and while it does not have to be life to you, for you to not care or be interested in something he invests so much time and passion and sweat, blood and tears into he would not feel like the relationship would be worth it. :(

✗ he holds your hand on dates and kinda drags you around a bit. It's cute though. He's such a dork. A big, cuddly, overly emotional dork and you love him <3

✗ how have I not done headcanons for him yet???? Iwa! My baby! My love!

✗ he is so sexy *tiktok fboy face* I would literally sell my kidney for him

✗ anyway anyway, Iwa comes at a price ← and that price is Oikawa.

✗ Oikawa, like Atsumu, is a piece of shit. Homie will try his goddamned hardest to make Iwa jealous, but it's just for funsies and because he loves to shit stir. Oiks doesn't actually mean any harm, it's just playful banter really (that may or may not result in him getting punted). Honestly you and Oikawa will become besties, two peas in a pod. You're both important people to Iwa and he wants you to be able to tolerate each other, even better if you are besties.

✗ oh oh oh! Omg!! Just imagine - you and Iwa pulling pranks on oikawa on April Fools. Imagine his shocked expression. I would die for that. Damn that'd be funny, you'd have to record it and show the whole team.

✗ oh and you know how he’s so strong? He will not hesitate to carry anything for you! It's like a form of affection for him, he loves helping out and doing his best.

✗ Dates are often intruded in on by Oiks which can be annoying, honestly it's just because Oikawa craves affection and attention. Please set him up with a friend. Get him off your back. OH DOUBLE DATES. Imagine if Oikawa actually settled down! (he wouldn't lol) but imagine, double dates at cute, niche cafes. So cute.

✗ Iwa loves quality time with you.

✗ Oh and yeah, Iwa is one jealous boi. He gets jealous which leads to crankiness and a bad temper that he uses to cover up for his insecurities. Please remind him that you love him and hold his hand and kiss his cheek and run a hand through his soft hair.

✗ In terms of affection i think he secretly craves it a lot but is embarrassed by it?? Like he would be very nervous and too shy to initiate too much of it at the beginning.

✗ He really loves giving you back hugging you though!

✗ Now now now, imaging how sexy street racer!iwaizumi as your boyfriend would be. How cool would it be if someone wrote about that - oh wait! I have :D you can find it here ;)

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff #Bokuto koutaro x reader #haikyuu #iwaizumi x reader #Iwaizumi Hajime #iwaizumi hajime x reader #Aran #Aran Ojiro #Aran Ojiro x reader #Bokuto x reader #bokuto fluff #Iwaizumi fluff #Aran fluff #Aran Ojiro fluff #inarizaki x reader #inarizaki fluff

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mojwisungie · 4 years ago

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imgn | run towards love

req (from: anon) ➥ : 101 dalmatians typa au where jeno's pet drags him outside bc he saw the reader who he knew would be a great match for jeno walking by with her pet who his pet thought would be a great match for him and things happen and jeno and the reader meet and they and their pets live happily ever after pls and thank you ❤

☄︎ summary: jeno almost looses his dog when it went to get him the person he never knew he needed ☄︎ pairing: lee jeno x reader ft. jeno’s dog jiho and reader’s dog eunji ☄︎ lou.note: uhhhhh kind of messy but i believe life is messy when youre a dog owner bc i myself have gotten into messy situations because of my dog lol enjoy reading!

jiho loves his owner jeno

he has lots of reasons and on the top of the list is that jeno loves him as much as he does

they often go on walks and spend some time on cafes

honestly, jiho is living his best life™

but sometimes, he cant help but feel ??? sad ??? for jeno

he knows jeno is happy with him, but he also knows he could be happier

so jiho thinks of a brilliant plan !

find the perfect person for jeno and make them fall in love

absolutely great idea right? fool-proof !

and for the past few weeks, he and jiho are going on cafe dates again

yeah cafe date. you read that right- they go on cute dog cafe dates where they both just chill and enjoy the toys jeno havent bought for jiho yet

ANYWAY during these dates

jiho has found the one for jeno-

and its y/n (っ˘ω˘ς )

ask jiho, why...?

WELL ITS BECAUSE YOU’RE PERFECT

jiho has never seen someone so pretty

who owns a cute dog too!! that jiho may like as well

and who’s very very very nice she pets all of the dogs in the cafe (>_< ♡)

how did jiho find you??? huh you see:

youve been in the cafe every single day they went there too

being so, you bet jiho has tried getting jeno to come to you

keyword: tried

jeno is always distracted by something and its so frustrating for jiho to get his attention

he has tried looking at you then looking back at jeno but that didnt work bc jeno just said “are you this excited be here again?”

he has also attempted by going to where you were- which just resulted you petting jiho along with your dog eunji until you had to leave ALL THE WHILE jeno was chatting with an old man who decided to try the cafe for the first time

at this point jiho is running out of ideas

especially when he knows next week will be jeno’s last days of resting before his schedules

he might never see you and eunji again (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

AND WHAT DOES HE SEE ??? ARE YOU LEAVING EARLIER TODAY?????????

jiho is panicking . he knows its you for jeno but youre leaving and what will happen to his self-proclaimed parents if you dont !! talk !! today !!

so he comes up with a mission for himself: run towards you the moment you step out of the door so his owner has no choice but to follow

the second you exit the cafe with eunji’s leash in your hand, he bolted. literally just went for you

leaving jeno in a state of shock then sprints in his attempt to catch his dog

on another note, you stop on your tracks when you see the familiar dog from the cafe who is owned by a really cute guy wiggle its tail in front of you

seeing him prompted you to crouch down and look at his tag

when you called him by his name, oh boy he looked so happy

you picked jiho up to go back to the cafe and return him

but the moment you turned around you bumped into a chest

its that cute boy !! UHHHH you mean its the dog’s owner !!

jeno was a rambling mess when he came up to you saying sorry for bumping into you and how he didnt expect his dog to run after you because he’s disciplined and he definitely isn’t an irresponsible owner too

tbh you thought he wouldnt stop on his shaky speech so you softly laugh and tell him its okay

jeno . felt himself have an error

your laugh sounded so angelic and the way you look is so beautiful ???

you’re so mesmerizing

AND HE SAID THAT OUT LOUD AKSFJAKFJ

you’re like “oh 😳”

he’s so embarrassed he’s practically a human tomato with all the blushing

he stutters on what to say ??? so you were both standing by the sidewalk for a few until he gains most of his composure back and asks

“Can I ask you out for lunch sometime? As a form of thanks for picking up Jiho?”

to which you replied with, “Well as long as I get to see your mesmerizing face and your cute dog too, then sure :)”

bonus:

the two of you decided to go on a picnic date for that

...which led to many more dates

that included jiho and eunji often!

seeing jeno happier than never before also brought happiness to jiho

a few years into the future, it’s not a surprise for him and eunji be included in jeno’s proposal for you

and when that day came, he knew it was never a mistake for him to run after you

because even if he kinda got an earful when they came home

the smile on his owner’s face on the day you said yes made him forget all the scolding

#nct #nct dream #nct dream jeno #lee jeno #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #jeno imagines #nct reactions #nct dream reactions #jeno reactions #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #jeno fluff #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #jeno x reader

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kingdom-of-kins · 3 years ago

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Oh my god I’m so embarrassed! Create! I could’ve sworn I wrote create. Ah well. Was pretty funny I guess XD

I wanted to kinda ask how things have been going. You do a bunch of amazing things and I’d honestly like to hear you go off on some tangents as well. You certainly let me ramble a lot. And just, in general too. Like how are you enjoying season 9 so far? 🐉

vhshvjsvhs it happens to the best of us! nd thats really sweet man :]

ive actually been rlly busy irl what with one of my friend groups splintering a bit, exams coming up (im actually answering this while doing a make-up project lol), plus ive recently been working on setting up a bunch of mental health stuff.

i wont lie and say im not also a rambler but i usually try to cut myself off in asks like this otherwise i’d end up with run on sentences the size of paragraphs! other then irl iffy work stuff tho, ive been working on doing a lot of anatomy and fashion studies :D!! one of my fav de-stressors: stuff that pisses me off /j

i havent actually watched the start of s9 yet!! ive been waiting cause idk what pov im gonna watch first. i usually stick with etho but i might watch impulse first this time around..

this is unrelated to your questions but ive been meaning to ramble abt this somewhere; ive actually been thinking about making a side-side blog to this blog just for casual chatting and personal interactions instead of being mostly requests and reblogs? im not super sure, ofc, cause that would be an added thing on top of my already pretty tall project list, but i think it could be fun. plus i’d get to do a bunch more non-mcyt stuff, cause on this blog i feel ive dug myself into a bit of a niche

hope youre doing well tho iskall!! (btw if you ever want to use another name here just lmk!) howre you enjoying s9 yourself? ive heard its off to a pretty fun start :]! have you started watching/reading any other series? ive heard that 100 hours hardcore is pretty good, havent had the time to watch it myself tho.

jeez ik you said you wanted to hear tangents but i kind of rambled a lot here. hope you dont mind too much :]

#☆always happy to help! | asks #☆🐉 | iskall #☆chatting with the stars | responses #^gonna use that tag for my conversations now prolly!!#which wasnt the intended use but hey its my blog i can do what i like

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magniloquent-raven · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Questions

i was tagged by @cherry-toxic and @gideongrace ty both 💕🥰💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

which is a relatively small number but sometimes im still like, holy shit i finished 15 whole fics lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

68,299 (time to post a 701 word fic and then never post again i guess)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

well this is about to get mildly embarrassing lmfao. ive only got harry potter & stranger things fics on my ao3 and tumblr but if you want a full list, as a teenager i posted a shitty borderlands self-insert fic on quizilla, and hiccup/jack frost fic on ff.net.

and if u count fics that never got finished or published anywhere i dabbled in teen wolf, supernatural, dragon age, star wars, left 4 dead 2, skyrim, good omens, the mcu, buffy, wynonna earp, plus like, general disney/dreamworks crossover fic. and i started writing shameless fics recently, we'll see if i actually finish any. aaaand...i think that's it?

so...15?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Wait for you, Burn for You

2. Find Our Way

3. Something to Hold

4. Room for One More Troubled Soul

5. Don't Know What I'm Gonna Do (About This Feeling Inside)

all harringrove fics except #4, which is probably only on the list because it's been on ao3 the longest lol

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

oh god, i used to. i did when i was starting out, but then i just. i get self-conscious about what to actually say & leave shit to sit for too long. and suddenly ive got like 100 comments i havent replied to and i want to respond to them so bad but ive left them so long i feel weird about it now and it's a problem 😥

i want to start responding to them again, and every time i get a new one i tell myself im gonna but i never do cuz im fuckin awkward lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i......don't really do angsty endings. like, most of my fics end with smooches and/or love confessions lmao, i don't like leaving things off sad, even if it starts depressing as hell.

maybe this one? it still ends soft but without resolving the thing billy was angsting about, so.

Do you write crossovers? If so what's the craziest one you've ever written?

hahahhha.............i don't really do them anymore, but i already said i was into the whole animation movie crossover thing, so. yeah, i did lol. it was when i was in high school so of course i did one that was like, every disney character ever and they're going to school together. which really isn't that crazy a concept, but it was a lot of movies to write in so maybe that counts

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nahh, not rly. i don't get around enough to attract anti attention lol, tho i did get one of those "👎" comments when someone was going around doing that, which lbr, is so low effort it barely counts 😂

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yea sometimes. i do get the occasional horny idea lmao. mostly "what if touch-starved character + tenderness" or someone having lots of feelings while they're fucking. someone is usually billy lbr. i've also got a couple "what if someone got tied up and treated right" ideas but i don't think i've actually published any of those lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yea, kinda! a collab with a friend of mine for fun

What's your all time favourite ship?

i...don't know? i get emotionally invested in characters more than the relationships themselves lol. i don't even know what ship i've been invested in for a long time, most of the shit i shipped as a kid i don't give a fuck about anymore lol.

except fuffy, actually. i've always shipped buffy/faith

and if we wanna go with fandom i've actively stuck with the longest it'd be harringrove. cuz ive been here and writing shit for yall for over a year now when i usually would've cycled thru a couple fixations by now lol

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that's a mean question lmao how dare you. i honestly don't know, i have a lot of wips and i want to finish all of them. i know i won't but there isn't one specifically that seems less likely than the others so idk

What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh.....i mean i've been told that my characterization is good? like, ppl being able to picture the actual characters when they're reading n stuff, so that's nice. and i could write introspection forever, u don't even know man, i get in the zone. i love getting in a character's head and picking apart their emotional state

What are your writing weaknesses?

writing dialogue really trips me up because i get picky about word choice lmao. i can be writing uninterrupted for twenty minutes cuz it's all a character's inner monologue but the second they gotta speak out loud im sittin there like ok what words sound natural and how much would they be willing to say etc. etc. suddenly it's an hour later and i've written three lines of dialogue. plus i tend to edit as i go so i'm always stopping and going back and rewriting stuff instead of just finishing the damn story

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts head empty

lmao for real tho idk? i mean there's that one trope, when someone says nice stuff in a language the other person doesn't speak because they're pining and not sure if they're allowed to say it outright, that shit's cute. im sure all the google translated dialogue has been annoyin as shit for native speakers lmfao but yeah

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

probably harry potter but i literally have no idea. i started writing fic in my early teens and that time of my life is a big fuckin blur lmao

What's your favourite fic you've written?

ngl i think my fav fic is one of the multi-chapter wips i haven't published lmao

BUT. if i gotta pick something yall have read, this one. just a lil guy. plant dad billy and domesticity. it's cute and i like it. maybe also this fic that i wrote for valentine's day. i wrote basically the whole thing in one day and i was really proud of myself lmao, and i just really like headcanoning backstory for billy & that fic is rly just about him growing up, so

tagging @rvspberryjvm @wingedbears @paperbodiesamongthestars @platypan

if yall wanna! 💕

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davidpastrsnack · 4 years ago

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buckle up besties, roommate anon is about to make you literally cry with this recap

(1) ok so. tyler’s family were scary but they ended up being so nice. when we first got there his brother asked me how much tyler paid me to be there 💀 tyler nudged him and said knock it off. then his brother said “well tyler, glad youre finally bringing a girl home” and his mom had come in just then. and scolded ty’s brother lol. his sister just said hi from the couch and ty went up to her and whispered something. and then they did a handshake which was so cute 🥺 i asked ty’s mom if she needed help with dinner. she took me up on that. it was nice talking to her. she was really sweet. we talked and even got to joking around. so thats good. ty’s dad came home in the meantime and said hi. he talked to me a bit too. ty’s sister was still a bit standoff-ish at dinner. she wasnt mean. just didnt really interact with me. she was the hardest to win over. but she did compliment my outfit. i appreciated that i changed three times she mentioned she needed new clothes for when school starts. i told her if she needed a shopping buddy to let me know. and she was like “really? can we go tomorrow?” and i looked at ty bc i had no clue what he had planned. and he sighed and was like “well i had plans to show her around tomorrow” and i gave him a look and he goes “but i guess we can do that after you guys get back” so next day i woke up before ty and got ready. then just sat there until he was up bc i was too scared to go downstairs alone lol. when we did go it was just his parents awake. his mom had me sit with them while ty made coffees lol. his mom told me they enjoyed having me here. and that tyler hasnt brought a girl over since his hs gf. who wasnt allowed to spend the night lol. and she told me he seemed really happy and…in l-word with me 🙈🙈🙈 oh and she said to not pay too much attention to his sister’s behavior bc she’s just jealous she’s not getting all of ty’s attention lmao. then later i took his sister shopping. we found a pair of earrings we both thought were cute so i bought myself and her a pair. she was really thankful and sweet. we ended up talking and she warmed up to me. especially when i said “you know youre just as amazing as tyler says” and she was like “what?” and i said “he talks about you all the time. i was really excited to meet you because he always says youre his best friend” i think she started to like me more after that. idk i tried to show her that im not stealing her brother from her lol. oh and me and her talked about boys and she mentioned this one guy. i was like oh is he cute and she blushed. i go omg do you have a crush on him. she was so red and told me i couldnt tell ty lol. when we got back though, ty’s brother had friends over. they were asking his sister who her friend was. she rolled her eyes lol. so sassy. then they were introducing themselves to me and ty’s brother was like “she’s not interested. she’s in college and is my brother’s girlfriend” i had to hold myself back from laughing that im in college came first and then ty’s gf. but in their introductions i learned that the boy ty’s sister has a crush on is her brother’s friend 🙈 oh girl. i gave her a look. she ran upstairs to put her stuff away lol.

(2) oh and during all this ty was at the store bc his mom sent him to run errands lol. so i chilled with her. helped her get some stuff ready since we were doing a cookout for dinner that night. ty finally came back. his mom shooed us out of the kitchen and told us to go have fun and then when we were putting on our shoes to go she yells “not too much fun though” 🙈 ty’s brother and his friends were snickering. high schoolers smh 🙈 so ty drove us and showed me around. it was fun. it was cute hearing his stories and memories and seeing how excited he got at some things. tbh i think i was giving him heart eyes more than i was looking around 🙈🙈 idk if i can explain it. just seeing him in his element. and a whole new level of relaxed and at home and domestic. idk. maybe youll get it 🙈 he also asked me how shopping with his sister went. so i told him about that minus her crush i aint a snitch. and i told him about his brothers comment lol. he goes “he’s so ridiculous he literally told his friend there was gonna be a college girl at his house. and he told me that you were too hot for me” that one made me giggle. ty said he smacked his brother for that one lol. i said “well i think you’re too hot for me. i mean look at you” he said “what the fuck are you talking about. i’m the luckiest guy in the world for managing to snag you” which 🥺🥺🥺 he was driving so i leaned over and kissed his cheek. bc it was so cute. and kate🙈🙈🙈 bestie 🙈🙈🙈 im only telling you this (and my other anon friends) bc i trust you guys. i havent told anyone else 🙈 but… i was really close to saying the three words to him 🙈🙈 really really close. but i got scared 🙈 it feels too soon. or that maybe its just in my head bc of what his mom said. idk.

(3) i maybe repeated some of this bc i forgot where i left off. we drove around some more. parked and walked around at a few stops. i maybe asked him about his hs gf 🙈 he said they werent really compatible and she was nice but they were better as friends and dated more bc of the pressure of dating. he was very open and honest about it though and that just made me more 🥺 we went to a park with a really nice overlook. then you have to walk through a forest and theres another more secluded one. we were going to kiss but i said “did you take all the girls here” and he said “no, i actually only ever came here alone. youre the only one” and i gave him a 🥺 look. he was a little pink. and i really really wanted to say it again 🙈 but i just kissed him instead. and then we made out 🙈🙈 for a decent amount of time actually. it felt like we were the ones in hs lol. then we were gonna go back. but our lips were a little swollen and red 🙈 so we went to get ice cream instead. then we went back to ty’s. his brother made a comment about us being gone for a while and was smirking. ty flicked him😭 oh and omg kate this was so cute 🥺 so they have these really cute lights in their backyard. his mom is super trendy lol. and they had music playing the whole time. eventually everyone went inside. they refused to let me help bc i had helped enough. i told ty i wanted to sit outside some more. it was so cute out there. the music was playing softly and i was cuddled up with ty and wearing his sweatshirt. it was a good vibe and i wanted to enjoy it.

(4) so we were sitting there quietly. he was just rubbing my shoulder with his thumb since his arm was around my shoulders. and then omg kate 🙈 this is so cheesy 🙈 thinking out loud by ed sheeran came on. ty got up and held his hand out. and asked “dance with me?” i had the biggest grin on my face and nodded. so we danced in his backyard 🙈 just like swayed back and forth nothing fancy. he was spinning me around and i was laughing. eventually we weren’t even dancing just laughing and swaying and trying to get each other to spin 🙈🙈🙈 until he finally pulled me in and we swayed again. i really almost said it again 🙈 but then he leaned down and kissed me. it was soft and sweet. we didnt stay out too long after that. but then we got ready for bed and stuff and he ran downstairs bc his brother used his phone charger and left it downstairs. and when he came back up he was so red. and i was like “are you good? did you just run a marathon or something?” and he flopped down on the bed next to me and groaned. he goes “my whole family saw that” and i said “saw what” and he goes “us dancing and the kiss. i just got hardcore roasted” and then i was like “oh” and he goes “my mom and sister think were adorable. my dad said i need to learn how to dance” which made me laugh. and then he goes “my brother told me my kissing game was weak and my mom glared at him and said it was respectful, which is how you should treat girls.” i hid my face in his chest and said ty this is so embarrassing. he said “your fault for laughing so hard it got their attention” but he said it jokingly lol. i said “maybe take your dads advice and learn to dance so i dont have to laugh” which made him laugh and squeeze my side. that made me squeal and i go oh no that was so loud. tyler was cracking up. but then he got serious and told me he was glad i was getting along with his family 🥺 he told me i fit with them well and that hes glad i was able to bond with his siblings, especially his sister 🥺🥺🥺

(4? 5? fuck i forgot again) and then today i woke up first before anyone else. so i threw on tyler’s sweatshirt and went and sat outside again. just enjoyed the morning. ty’s mom came out and asked me how i slept and all that. then told me she saw us two dancing last night. and she told me her son was clearly in l-word with me and then she smirked over her coffee mug and said “i think the feelings mutual” and took a sip of her drink. SHES SUCH A SAVAGE 🙈🙈🙈 i took a sip of my coffee just so i didnt have to respond and i could feel my whole face was on fire. but then she goes “you two are really sweet and im glad you make him so happy” and i said “he makes me happy too. you raised a great guy” and she smiled at me. then she told me stories about her and her husband meeting and stuff. and also about raising tyler. then his dad came out and brought breakfast. he also added in some stories. oh and his mom asked for my number and she sent me a few pictures she took of me and ty when we were sitting outside and when we were dancing 🙈🙈 idk how neither of us noticed them watching us through the window. but the pictures were cute. ty and his brother came downstairs and also ate with us. then ty and i went on a walk around their neighborhood which was nice and peaceful. when we got back we chilled with his family some more. his sister was awake too and asked me to help her with makeup. so we went to her room. and she was like “you and my brother are cute” 🥺 and she goes “that kiss was like a movie kiss” and i blushed 🙈 she told me how she hasnt had her first kiss and asked me about mine and stuff. it was kinda cute that she trusted me to like ask questions and be open. she was more open about her crush too and told me how he talked to her yesterday and gushed about how cute he was. i just let her go with it lol. and then she told me it was nice having a girl to talk to like a sister bc she cant talk to her brothers about that stuff 🥺🥺 so i told her if she ever wanted to talk she could reach out to me. so now she follows me on insta and has my number lol. then we sat with the fam again and had lunch and then it was time for ty and i to leave. everyone in his family gave me a hug 🥺 and they told me i should visit again 🥺 so it started off really scary but his family dynamic is so cute and they were all nice.

#i will scream in the tags #BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAT #IM SPEECHLESS #first of all as someone who is the judgemental younger sister lol she was def just warming up to you #but you guys went shopping together🥺#IM WEAK SHES IN COLLEGE CAME FIRST💀#but omg tys sister not the brother’s friend but that’s so sweet that she talked to you about her crush🥺#AWWW OMG DRIVING AROUND THATS SO CUTE #AND BITCH IM SCREAMING FOR YOU #ITS SO SCARY BUT ALSO WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW👀#awww omg you guys are so cute #YOU GUYS DANCED OUTSIDE UNDER THE LIGHTS #HELLO THATS ACTUALLY A MOVIE #and they saw you omg😭#GIRL HE IS IN L WORD WITH YOU #BAHAHAH AND SHE CALLED YOU TF OUT #omg stop the way she trusts you so much already #i’m so so so happy you had a good time #IM LITERALLY SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUU #and i’m def missing stuff in these tags but it was hard to form a coherent thought after reading this all #roommate anon

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