#then he abandoned us for a year to go fuck some chick half his age who found out he had money

[why-yes-i-am-an-adult]

When my dad spent a year dangerously depressed after mom passed, his sister moved in with him and looked after him. She cooked for him and found him a shrink and  was there to listen to his woes and sympathize with him when he drove my bro and me away after years of bullshit. Now that he’s fine and dandy, and his sister is depressed cause my cousin moved out, my dad’s literally going on about how he’s no interest in dealing with other peoples ““negative vibes” and how everyone’s personal personal problems are their own drama to deal with and they’d shouldn’t bother others with it.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Nie Huaisang is the cutest thing monsters have ever seen, they can be yao dragons or giant turtles one look at nhs and they want to feed hug or kidnapt him nmj trainning involved recovering his baby brother from every monsters nest around qinge

ao3

“I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue said, his teeth gritted together and his arms shaking from the strain of holding Baxia up. “He’s mine.”

The massive tiger glared down at him over Baxia’s blade, currently stuck in its teeth, and growled something.

“I know,” Nie Mingjue said. His legs were shaking now, too. “I know, trust me, I know! I’m human, he’s – young, yes, yes, I know. But he’s my little brother! I’m not giving him up!”

The tiger spat out the blade, knocking Nie Mingjue backwards on his ass.

“And when you change your mind?” the tiger demanded. “Will you abandon him then?”

“No!” Nie Mingjue exclaimed. “Never! He’s my brother!”

“Mark your words,” the tiger said ominously. “Or else.”

It turned and stalked off, its tail waving arrogantly in the air, until its towering white form disappeared into the distance.

Nie Mingjue sighed in relief. “Huaisang?” he called, and a small head popped out of the nest the tiger had started building, blinking owlishly at him. “Come on, come to da-ge. It’s time to go home.”

“But Master Tiger said we were going to play…”

“Yes, well, he wanted to play for too long,” Nie Mingjue said. “Only a few centuries, give or take. Let’s go.”

-

It started back when Nie Huaisang was born.

No, more accurately, it started when Nie Mingjue’s father fell in love with someone he probably oughtn’t have, which according to the sect was not a terribly uncommon problem for him to have, and decided to bring home a bride.

Nie Mingjue could still remember the first time he’d seen the Second Madame Nie. They’d all been lined up to greet her, all the sect and close members of the clan in rows according to rank, Nie Mingjue fidgeting in the inside of the house proper in his first tangle with formal clothing outside of the discussion conferences. She had come sweeping in with her head held as high as a princess, seductive and bewitching.

Every movement had been perfect, the eyes of all the men fogging over in lust and the women in admiration – or visa versa, depending on their personal preferences – and a wicked smile had lit up her face when she had stepped across the threshold, officially becoming the sect leader’s wife, and maybe everything would have gone along with whatever plan she’d had back then if she hadn’t next seen him.

“Oh, look at you,” she exclaimed, rushing over to pinch Nie Mingjue’s cheeks between her hands. “What a delectable little morsel you are!”

“Uh,” Nie Mingjue said, staring up at her with big round somewhat-worried eyes.

“You charming little dumpling,” she said. “You adorable mouthful of meat! Spoonful of egg yolk!”

Nie Mingjue cast his eyes around to see if anyone would be willing to help him.

“My eldest son,” Nie Mingjue’s father said, not without pride – albeit perhaps a puzzled sort of pride. “He’s probably just about old enough to come to the forecourt, if you don’t want him to live with you –”

“Oh no,” she said. “He’s definitely living with me.”

And so she stayed, and Nie Mingjue stayed with her, and she doted on him in a way he found pleasant if mildly disconcerting. Within a year, she was pregnant, and irritated with it; six months after that, she was round and complaining, even though Nie Mingjue solemnly assured her that she was as beautiful as ever.

“This is your fault, you know,” she told him, and he blinked at her. “It is! Don’t get me wrong, your father’s a charming bull when he wants to be, and of course he fucks like a champion stud, but I stayed here for you, my little cabbage roll, my charming chunk of liver.”

She patted her belly.

“That means this here is all because of you. So you’d better take responsibility!”

Nie Mingjue considered the issue for a little. The argument seemed plausible, so he raised his hands and put them on her rounded stomach. “I will take care and watch over him for all my life,” he vowed, and the baby inside kicked his hand in response, sealing the pact.

“Oh you are so cute,” she said, pressing her hands to her cheeks. “My darling pork bun! My little fish cake! I could eat you right up, if only you were just a little bit older!”

When Nie Huaisang was born, she disappeared in a welter of blood, but Nie Mingjue’s oath remained.

The trouble started after that.

-

“You can’t raise a cub like that properly,” the winged lion argued, bating its wings as if that would help it make its point better.

Nie Mingjue glared at him. “Watch me!”

“It’s for your own good, little human. He needs his own kind –”

“I’m not listening to a treasure-seeker!”

The lion scowled at him. “I’ll have you know that most humans think I’m good luck!”

“You’re not trying to steal most humans’ little brothers, are you?!”

The winged lion sighed, a deep sound, so very noble and long-suffering that Nie Mingjue couldn’t resist the urge to lift his foot and kick the lion right in the paw.

“Brat!”

“Don’t care!” he shouted. “You leave my brother alone! He’s my responsibility, not yours! Piss off!”

“You can’t even feed him properly -”

“I’ll figure it out!” Nie Mingjue bared his teeth and wished he was old enough for a saber.

“You little…fine. Fine! I’ll bring you a book on how to feed a huli jing kit, and you keep to it, you hear me?”

“I will,” Nie Mingjue said. “But don’t you even think of taking him away!”

“On your own head be it,” the winged lion grumbled. “Not everyone’s as understanding as me.”

-

“Why are you wet?” Nie Mingjue’s father asked him.

“Water monkeys,” Nie Mingjue said shortly. “There was a nest.”

“Water monkeys? Don’t they normally stay away from people…? Or, I suppose, were these ones feral?”

“Thieves.”

“Ah. Well, nothing to be done about it, I suppose…bad luck for you to run into them here, of all places. But good experience! How many people your age can say that they fought water monkeys?”

“Can we go home?” Nie Mingjue asked, a little plaintively, and rubbed his nose. “How much can you really have to say to the Jiang sect, anyway?”

His father chuckled. “More than either of us would like, unfortunately. But if you’ve had enough of water, which no one can blame you for, maybe you and Huaisang can go shopping in the pier instead?”

That would work, Nie Mingjue thought, and nodded happily.

(Sect Leader Jiang was extremely embarrassed about the ghostly rats in the night-market – he claimed they’d never seen neither nose nor tail of them before the Nie brothers had accidentally tripped over their trap and had to flee from the swarm...)

-

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nie-er-gongzi,” the white-clad cultivator from the mountain said, smiling broadly and saluting deeply.

Xiao Xingchen had made himself famous during his first half-dozen night-hunts alone for his extraordinary grace, bearing and strength, and he said he was on a mission to help the world. He was beautiful, virtuous, and matched each ideal of gentlemanly arts.

Sects throughout the cultivation world were drooling at the thought of enticing him to join them, fighting for the opportunity to put in a good word with him.

Not all sects.

Nie Mingjue stepped forward, purposely putting Nie Huaisang behind him.

“Don’t you even think about it,” he said, hand on the hilt of his saber. “Buzz off, birdbrain.”

Xiao Xingchen might wear white, but Nie Mingjue knew a zhuque chick when he saw one.

-

“I found something for my aviary, da-ge!” Nie Huaisang, seven years old and delighted with his clumsy autonomy, announced.

Nie Mingjue, less than a full year into his new role as sect leader, rubbed his eyes. “Oh?” he asked, only somewhat wanting to scream endlessly into the void, which was better than usual. “That’s nice, Huaisang…”

“Come look! It’s so pretty!”

“I’m a bit busy –”

“But da-ge!”

Nie Mingjue sighed and got up, following Nie Huaisang to the door only to come to a complete stop.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” he said to the fenghuang currently pretending to be a rooster in a cage, as if anyone would actually mistake phoenix flames for regular feathers. “Do you have no dignity left?!”

-

“You can’t adopt the bashe,” Nie Mingjue said to Nie Huaisang, who pouted. “It eats elephants; we’d be broke within three months.”

He turned to the giant python.

“You can’t adopt Huaisang,” he said. “I will literally murder you.”

-

“Why can’t I go watch the eclipse?” Nie Huaisang complained. “Everyone else is going!”

“I’m not risking a tiangou.”

“The…dog that eats the sun? Really, da-ge, is that even real?”

“You know what,” Nie Mingjue said, “you’re grounded just for saying that.”

Nie Huaisang grinned.

-

“Maybe I want to go and live among the qilin!” Nie Huaisang screamed, fourteen and hormonal about it.

“Well you don’t get a choice!” Nie Mingjue bellowed back.

“You’re not my father! I don’t have to listen to what you say!”

“I’m your fucking sect leader and yes you do!”

“I hate you!”

“I don’t care if you hate me! You still aren’t going to go live in a field with some magic pointy deer and that’s final!”

The qilin herd wisely chose to withdraw.

-

“Da-ge,” Jin Guangyao hissed, and Nie Mingjue looked up from his work at him – he hadn’t heard Meng Yao this upset since he’d shoved him into a closet to get him out of way during the whole dangkang boar hunt debacle. “Da-ge, there’s a dragon outside.”

“Again?” Nie Mingjue said, standing up to stretch and feeling oddly unbalanced. They’d just finished another session with the song of Clarity, so he really shouldn’t be feeling like this; he would need to write to Lan Xichen again about his fears that the treatment really wasn’t working. Lan Xichen would probably only say to give it more time, another chance, but still… “Let me go talk to them. Dragons are the worst.”

“No, da-ge, you don’t understand,” Jin Guangyao said. “It’s not a water-serpent or – or even a jiaolong – it’s a dragon.”

“A flood-dragon is a type of dragon,” Nie Mingjue said, following Jin Guangyao outside. “You know that, it’s in the name, what’s the big – oh, I see. It’s a celestial dragon.”

Jin Guangyao glared at him with an expression suggesting that he was under-reacting, but Nie Mingjue really didn’t have the capacity in him to reach with appropriate fervor at the moment. He and Nie Huaisang had been fighting a lot recently, every little thing escalating into a giant argument, and he was no longer sure if he was doing the right thing in trying to force Nie Huaisang onto the path of his ancestors. After all, unlike Nie Mingjue, Nie Huaisang had – somewhat different ancestors, on his maternal side.

And, he supposed, Nie Huaisang was old enough to decide otherwise, if he truly wished…

Still, Nie Mingjue was as stubborn as a mule and had no intention of giving up his baby brother without a fight, so he braced himself and went over to the frankly massive creature draped over the entrance gateway and much of the training yard that the entirety of the Nie sect was doing its utmost best to pretend that they weren’t seeing.

Nie Huaisang was sitting on the thing’s five claws – an imperial celestial dragon, apparently – because of course he was.

“Excuse me,” Nie Mingjue called up to the dragon, which turned its head to regard him, an entire production that took nearly a quarter ké to accomplish. “The brat there is mine, please return him.”

“Da-ge!” Jin Guangyao hissed again, but Nie Mingjue waved him away.

“You have raised him well,” the dragon said, which was…a good deal nicer than most of these interactions usually went.

“…thanks?” Nie Mingjue said suspiciously, ignoring Jin Guangyao’s splutters of “It talks?!” “I think?”

“I have chosen to grant you a boon,” the dragon announced.

“…right,” Nie Mingjue said. “If this ‘boon’ is that you’ll take him off my hands, I’m afraid I’m going to have to refuse. He may be trouble, but he’s still my brother.”

“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, indignant. “Don’t be rude. I asked him for this!”

Nie Mingjue frowned at him, unable to resist the feeling of hurt even though he’d already told himself to expect something like this. “…you want to leave?”

“No, da-ge, don’t be ridiculous. I asked him to improve your health!”

Ah.

“Huaisang –” he started to say.

“Don’t you ‘Huaisang’ me!” his little brother shouted. “I know you’re trying to hide it, but it’s getting worse, isn’t it? San-ge told me so! He said I should get ready!”

Nie Mingjue made a mental note to strangle Jin Guangyao, who had no right to say something like that to Nie Huaisang even if maybe it wasn’t the worst idea in the world to emotionally prepare Nie Huaisang for the upcoming bereavement and inheritance he would need to face.

“Anyway, he said to get ready, so I did!”

“You can’t just ask a divine dragon to fix me, Huaisang. That’s not how this works.”

“Uh, it totally does, and I did, and he agreed. So there!”

Nie Mingjue crossed his arms and glared. “And what did he want in return?”

“The boon is a reward for your past merit, not a trade for the deeds of the future,” the dragon said, not even slightly hiding how its whiskers were shaking with suppressed laughter. “You have travelled a difficult road, and borne the weight of it well. And besides…”

“Besides?”

“If you were to die, he would undoubtedly petition the creatures of the underworld to return you.”

“Well, fuck,” Nie Mingjue said, having not considered that. “Fine. Whatever. Heal me and I’ll try to keep an eye on my health going forward.”

Maybe more Clarity? He could try to free up his schedule, get in a few more sessions…

“I just give up,” Jin Guangyao said behind him. “I just fucking give up.”

Nie Mingjue, assuming that he was talking about Nie Huaisang’s nonsense, agreed whole-heartedly.

[reversecreek]

ziggy strutting up to me like this gif as i hold up a crucifix n say begone begone vile beast BEGONE from my vicinity i will NOT buy u a happy meal wretched little boy...... some live action rp to start this off..... and SCENE. takes my bow. his pinterest is here n his playlist is here.

* dylan minnette, cis male + he/him  | you know ziggy benson, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of his life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hand crushed by a mallet by 100 gecs like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitching televisions impaled by remotes, nonchalantly texting the babes as a stove fire ravages your kitchen & cartoons turned up so loud it fries your eardrums thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 24th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY;

from the second ziggy ws born he didnt stop screaming. within the first hours of his life he gave his father an ear splitting headache tht prompted him to say “that uncooked chicken’s fucking demonic” n joke abt popping “it” in the oven to roast. when this understandably received disgusted glances frm the nursing staff he ws all like “jeez alright alright i’m kiddin i’m kiddin can’t a guy have a joke around here?” n i feel like that sets up their dynamic so nice n sweetly <3 (sarcasm) (lips pursed)

frm day one he ws just honestly a rly hyperactive child. when he laughed he’d shriek it out at the absolute top of his lungs bc he’d just get this huge giddy surge of energy all the way to the very tips of his toes n it’d hit him like a shock from a fork in a plug socket. their parenting style ws rly just lazy tbh.... they didn’t have much time for disciplining him. ziggy’s mum wld halfheartedly be like “ziggy quiet now....” n then go bk to nuking whatever vegetables she’d defrosted until they tasted like dinosaur bones..... this wld not make any difference in ziggy’s behaviour

his father rly just took the stance that it ws ziggy’s mum’s job to discipline him or raise him in general which is. 🔪 please enter the 20th century sir.... get ur noggin sorted..... needless to say he wsn’t much involved in ziggy’s life n honestly generally jst didn’t like him. ziggy was a responsibility he didn’t want (accidental prregnancy) n in his literal words once said (blatantly while ziggy ws watching cartoons on the sofa) tht ziggy just “harshes my fucking vibe a lil bit”. 

he wound up leaving when ziggy was six ish.... ziggy watched thru a crack in the blinds as his mum tried to grab at his jacket to make him stay as he lugged out his suitcase..... she even tried to physically cling onto him so he cldn’t get in his ride bt the door wound up slamming n she sat on her knees watching the lights pull out the drive n even long after they were gone. ziggy didn’t rly kno what to do abt this (emotions hd never been smthn he particularly understood, his own or how to handle other people’s) so after watching her fr 5 minutes he went out n gently shook her shoulder n was like. mom come inside u look weird out here. FKGHSFHGSFHKGFHKSGSFGHK. this was him trying to show love <3

ziggy’s mum is like.... rly relationship dependent. she gets all her self worth n validation frm whtever man she’s dating.... so she went on this like.... wild rampage of jst. dating a very large string of men. they ranged frm dreadfully boring to downright awful n were always below her standards. ziggy quite literally hated. all of them. every last one. even one that tried to b nice to him by offering to help him do his math homework when he ws 13 (bc ziggy was struggling a lot w this) n in response ziggy loudly barked until the man gt scared n stumbled backwards into a dining chair on his way out of the room. KGHFHKSJHFJGSHKFG

while him n his mum hv a kind of strained situation (there’s a great deal of resentment from her end n kind of. blaming him fr “driving his father away” n it’s never spoken abt bt it’s very much Present in their relationship n honestly ziggy kind of resents her too fr bringing some of the men into their lives tht she did) there is. love there...... sometimes she’ll like. reach out to cup the back of his head n he’ll duck his head away n be like wtf are u doing checking me for lice? n she’ll jst smile like :)...... knowing that’s how he loves. KHSFGKJGHKSFGFHKGSHF. ugh we love men who know how to process their emotions yesssss king give us nothing <3

(abuse n violence tw) idk i won’t go into it too much bt even tho ziggy’s constantly like 🙄 when his mum shows him affection he wld quite literally. kill fr her n almost did one time.......... narrowly avoided getting charged w assault when one of her bfs was drunk n evil n he went into protective mode.... idk he. has gone thru a lot n seen a lot n so has his mum. they look after each other the best they kno how despite the negatives in their relationship.... it’s complex <3

literally got in trouble so. often. at school. he ws always hyperactive (undiagnosed adhd n also probably not helped by the fact he ws jst allowed to eat sm junk food w 459729457952 sugar percentage all hours of the day) bt when his dad left n like. dealing w acting out so severely at home where his mum’s bfs were concerned it rly escalated..... i jst think he ws like. literally a terror. probably got suspended so many times. maybe even was permanently expelled before he cld get his diploma honestly. set off a firework in school hallway. smthn absolutely reckless n stupid.

hs hd a bunch of jobs mostly in the service industry...... usually ends up getting fired.... worked at mcdonald’s fr a while n then one day he went in rly high n ate three cheeseburgers in front of a weeping child who hd ordered one.... promptly gt fired bt he ws like yo fuck this place i’m quitting n threw off his apron n was like who’s with me??? who’s joining the union??????? to the rest of the staff n they were all mostly like >_> <_< before security approached to forcibly remove him n he grabbed a cookie n crammed it into his mouth in rebellion mid frantic n frankly possessed escape.....

in terms of wht’s going on to this day w his living situation i honestly think he still lives w his mum. i can just see this. KHGFSKGHSFGKSFGH. in like. a ramshackle bungalow in delphinus heights.... having said tht she probably isn’t. there tht often nw she’s dating her latest man (jonas, somehow always sweaty no matter the weather, wears too many gold rings n smells like shoe cleaner) who owns a car dealership n thinks he’s a kingpin for it. still home sometimes tho.

PERSONALITY:

ziggy spends his days working shifts at an ice cream parlour (one he got fired from once bc he broke in high n ate sm ice cream he was lay on the floor in the bk pants unbuttoned stomach bulging sm calling himself garfield saying he had too much lasagna. they hired him bk tho bc he has a harem of middle aged women who lust after him n it brings customers....) or like. cruising parties...... setting off fireworks.... skateboarding...... breaking into abandoned buildings.... filming stupid jackass type tricks....... playing guitar hero...... getting drunk at the arcade..... sometimes busking fr cash in a tossed dwn hat (very badly) (thinks he’s sick at it however)........ or alternatively...... fucking chicks aha...... fuck.......... not exclusive to chicks tho just had to sound despicable bt :smirk: he’s bi Baby.... 

i won’t lie he’s kind of an asshole................ never rly was taught properly how to empathise with ppl so like he struggles w that....... sometimes he’ll say smthn tht’s genuinely just quite mean n doesn’t need to be said but he doesn’t rly realise it’s like bad. n he’s like. what’s the deal haha why are u mad...... 

fuckboy. genuinely jst. rly summarises it well. insatiable. sleeps around wildly. will say he’ll call u back n then will not call u back. lies like oh babe i’m moving to france tomorrow fuckkkkkkkkk sucks so bad that we can only have one night but let’s make it special yeah? tits? n then they’ll see him casually skating past them on the street a week later n be like well clearly he’s not in france. ziggy doesn’t care.

calls himself a “genius inventor” bc he once gutted a vintage analog television n made it into a fish tank. it literally leaked water a bit. still convinced he is a literal visionary never seen before never done again. he’s like i’m on the brink of greatness. i’m the next einstein.

has a bit of a god complex where he thinks he’s the sexiest person in any given room n it’s kind of funny bc like dylan minnette’s sexy to me bt tht isn’t a widespread opinion n ur being a bit bold ziggy...... regardless has confidence thru the roof tht isn’t rly deterred by anything or anyone.....

dyes his hair 49729572459752 colours every colour under the sun. sometimes all at once jst different patches. wears lots of tie dye tshirts n basketball shorts even tho he doesn’t play basketball. rly colourful sneakers. just lots of loud colours tbh. often wears a paper clip in his ear as an earring. pierced it himself. someone probably recorded him doing it fr his insta story. probably was drunk.

drives a vespa around tht is baby blue with pastel yellow polka dots. it has lots of tin cans attached to the back by string like on those cars when u just got married. he did not just get married. u can hear him arriving frm over a street away.

almost never pays fr anything bt is always like “yo it’s my treat” n then either dine n dashes or u have to pay

his idea of romance is nuking a hot pocket as breakfast in bed n then complaining he’s hungry n eating half

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

fuckboy antics: he’s insatiable. rabid. notorious. mayb they fkd n he didn’t call........ jst completely ghosted........ mayb they were genuinely into him n he honestly built up kind of false pretences abt them having a connection n then jst dipped..... cld  b good fr angst n drama <3 someone please egg his house he deserves it <3

high skl heathens: locals tht were equally chaotic in hs..... just picture him having this group of misfits tht were like so loud n always getting up to no good doing god knows what god knows where.... probably gt arrested together breaking into an old abandoned hospital one time........... rly just doing the absolute most at all times............. probably so loud........... drinking n smoking far too much.....

an attempted teenage relationship: i’m like. tentative to even put this one bc i just feel like ziggy wld be a shit bf. KJHGFSHGFHGSFHGFKGHFKSG. but. maybe it ended in drama.....i’d say this wld probably be a girl bc in hs he probably ws less open w his sexuality... maybe ziggy cheated on her or she cheated on him................ angst........ strife.... we love it we love it........ i crash my car into the bridge... i don’t care... i love it... sudden icona pop moment me stood on stage singing karaoke.... it’s just gone 7am as i write this so i apologise if this is losing any. coherency. smiles so sexy....

last adolescent plot i swear: i picture when ziggy was expelled he somehow amassed a large group to protest w signs outside the school fr him to be accepted back. it didn’t work. he threw a party when he received news he hadn’t got back in anyway. maybe ur muse was involved or helped organise this or was violently opposed.

enemies: ppl who just. don’t like ziggy bc like honestly that’s so fair n valid. KJHGFKGHKSFGHSGKHSFHG..... mayb he like. exploded their mailbox one time when they were younger. mayb he skated over their toes. mayb he fucked their bitch aha fuck................. (joking btw) (don’t condone misogyny) (hashtag feminism). cld be fun to play around w

fwb: probably hs a few of these......... mayb they’re cool w things being no strings attached n lax n at ease w ziggy being the mess tht he is in general..... mayb they want more bt ziggy cannot provide...... mayb they literally don’t get on at all n this is their only mutual ground n they keep coming bk to each other.... :smirk:..... whatever u Farncy....

maybe ziggy’s mum dated ur muse’s dad at one point???? we can discuss this if u think it fits..... cld be fun to play around w............

coworkers: past or present r fun..... mayb they were like WTFFF is this guy fking ONNN at a past job (he’s had a few in the food service industry so pretty open in tht area)... mayb they work w him at the ice cream parlour now..... cn discuss the dynamic probably wld be dependent on the muse involved fr like. how he’d act n stuff.... :yum:

[tt205]

UNCONDITIONALLY

LAN XICHEN x READER

Summary: Your somewhat boyish behavior always bothered many , especially now whole of Gusu Lan Clan was pissed with you . Sharing feelings with Lan Xichen is something that brought you quite close this days . Will love be enough to cover up all of your 'flaws' ?

Requested? : YES by rozesdanze and I'm apologizing again for this late upload .

WARNINGS: minor cursing, low self esteem , slight bullying nothing that may trigger you too much .

Words count : 3.440

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You always were a free spirited person , not caring much about what everyone gotta say and just minding your own business while offering a helping hand where it was needed .

It was your nature , something you couldn't change.

Sometimes people told you to be more "feminine " or "act like a girl of your age " your somewhat boyish behavior bothering them .

You didn't mind it at all .

You grew up with only male friends except for Jiang Yanli and that's why you have adopted this 'strange for a girl ' behavior .

Everything was fine until you entered The Gusu Lan Clan Sect's area in the Cloud Recesses.

Your not so much disciplined ways of living bothered Lan Qiren and the rest of the ladies , that were supposed to be studying there and not gossip around .

It firstly started as comments now and then " dress like a girl " " style your hair like a girl " " why are you not wearing your hairpins ?" And such .

You brushed off the first couple of weeks but when the whole student community started making fun of you , you couldn't take it any more .

Your pride was indeed hurt .

If Wei Wuxian wasn't there you would have left this hell of a place and return back in Yumeng Clan, your hometown.

He was supportive as always , reassuring you that everything was fine with you and that you didn't have to change yourself in order to be accepted by others .

Your own self is what makes you unique.

If someone doesn't likes your real self then they dont deserve being with you .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You passed through the hallways trying to get in class when a group of so-good-for-nothing girls blocked your way .

A short girl two years older than you spoke first with this high pitched voice that make you want to slap her straight in the face "oh y/n I pity you so much .. how will you be able to find a good match in the future with such a poor manner set ? Tsts" she chuckled making your eyes go wide at her rudeness.

"I'm sure I will have more possibilities to find one than you .. I may not have the good manners you are claiming to have yourself but at least i am not rude with people i know nothing about " you answer her back bowing your head and trying to move through them .

"Move !" You ordered one of her side chicks Ling the stupid one .

" Oh my goodness.. this is not a way a lady should talk to another y/n " another one of her bitches talked.

You glared at her trying to push Ling to the side.

" why are you even talking to her Feng ? She cant even walk in a proper way yet not even get dressed up as a lady of her status she is a waste of time .. better let her become a puppet of her stupid friend the Yiling Patriarch-- "

"If you ever curse on Wei Wuxian in front of me I ll make sure to shut your mouth with my fist ! He is not making puppets to your information he is just controlling the Yin iron with skills you wish you could have ! Now move out of my sight !" You tell them totally pissed of .. you grab your sword case trying to put some sense in them but they dont seem to mind

" Stupid bitch no one will ever love you in this way ! Every one will pity your for being an unmarried pathetic bitch! In the end even your own family will abandon you - oh I forgot you've got none! " She curses at you and you feel like something is twisted to your core .

2 thing are what you hate the most 1. having people pitying you or telling you that they do and 2. People talking about your family .

That's it , before giving it a second thought you uncover your cased sword harshly .

You move it to your untied hair grabbing a fistful of them before moving the blade on them.

" 1st of all you are not even in the place to think about my family lowly peasant! Do you think that no one in here knows about your relationship with an already married man? " you ask her and she widens her eyes .

"secondly this is for you ! I'm a woman of my status and none my hair , clothing or manners can prove it otherwise! At least I'm not someone's slut!" You close your eyes before moving the blade in one sift motion and cutting half of your hair's length shortening it to shoulder's length.

"Now fuck off and don't dare to look at my direction again emptyheaded bitch!" You scream at her throwing all the hair on her face before making your way back to your room .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

3 hours have passed since the incident and no one has reached for you yet .

"Good" you thought, because reconsidering your action you've broken more that 6 of Gusu lan clan's rules and show disrespect to your rank status by cutting your hair .

Before realizing it you heard someone knocking on your door "shit" you cursed in your brain , moving to the doorframe and opening the door only to come face to face with the Clan-leader-to-be Lan Xichen.

You bowed your head , forcing a smile on as you rubbed your hands together to sooth your embarrassment, way too shy to look your 'crush' to the eyes .

"Greeetings Zewu Jun " you said moving aside and making room for him to enter .

"Lan Qiren asked me to bring you to him" he said the smile that always hugged his features non apparent anymore.

"Your uncle?" You asked wishing to get a 'no' as an answer..

"Unfortunately yes !" He said looking down the floor .

After putting on your cloaks , you both made your way out of your room and moved to Lan Qiren's residence.

After a really long chat with him you were free to go NOT REALLY .

He asked Xichen to take you himself to the library in order to make 1.500 copies of the latest book he bought this year.

You sighed again in the thought of the pain your arm will have after finishing this task , only to earn one of Xichen's concerned glances .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

As soon as seating down to your used by many times spot , you grabbed the pen and deeped it into the new-cut ink .

5 hours passed since you first started copying books and despite having nothing actually to do xichen seemed rather occupied.

You gave him a questionable look as you leaned your head in your hands looking to his place .

"You knew that this was going to put you in trouble y/n , why doing such a thing just to prove them wrong?" You raised your head upon hearing this words leaving Xichen's mouth , not formality in them , just casual talking.

" they have been getting on my nerves for more than 2 months I couldn't bear it -" you tried to explain yourself but he interrupted you

" You could have just come to me right from the beginning!" He looked pissed and you sifted in you seat shivering from the tone in his voice .

This man surely had some nerve in him, being more than a head taller than you was something that from the very start make it clear that you could better not get in any trouble with him .

Seeing his genuine and kind nature made you loose down your walls , allowing your heart to form feelings for him and now you are here unable to form a single word without stuttering in between.

" Y/n ? Cant you see it ?" He asked and you gave him a confused face in defense .

"What do you mean-?"

" I - i do care about you y/n , watching the others making your life a living hell including my uncle drives me crazy ! I tried so many times to show you how i feel about you just to give you a shelter, a safe place but you are not getting it " he sighed to himself clearly frustrated.

He removed a strand of hair out of his face looking to your not so calm face that was by now painted in a really deep shade of read .

Being the lil tease he secretly is , he wanted to get you even more freaked out by little .

He looked into your eyes with this calm face of his while saying " I love you y/n " and then returning to his desk and grabbing back his pen .

" I love you too " you said loud enough to even have the bunnies hear too outside , the silence inside the room making an echo to your voice .

In quick realization you moved your palm to your mouth clapping it fast and shutting down the curses about your stupidity that were ready to spill out .

" What ?" He asked in a teasing tone lifting his body higher and then sitting up completely moving to your place until he was studying right in front of you hovering some heads above you and then repeating then same question calmly.

This drove you crazy .

" How can a person be so calm in a situation like that ? " you screamed out loud mostly to yourself before reaching in front you and pinching the skin of his lower thigh .

You looked up to his face as he let out a high peached scream of pain "Lan Xichen you are driving me insane!"

You pinched him again with both hands now only to have him beg to be left in peace "Please y/n don't do this ! " he half laughed half screamed for the poor skin of his legs before reaching down and grabbing both your wrists once you didn't stop after his begs.

You squirmed in his grip before he moved both wrists to his lips , kissing the skin there and putting them back down the surface of your desk .

Your mouth was hanging open , such a big skin contact all of sudden leaving you shooked.

" I have done 14 copies of the book you are copying.. I'm taking a break for now but I'm returning back in 15 minutes straight! You continue your work little girl " he said before blinking his eye to you and moving out of the library .

"Excuse me ?! " you screamed as loud as you could looking both to your wrists and his distant form .

"This man is gonna drive me crazy sooner than I thought " you told yourself before returning to your work .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

It's been 4 days since you started dealing with your punishment and you already have 276 copies ready to go but way more many on the way .

Today is a special day for Gusu lan Clan and it's students so it's the perfect opportunity for you to take a break tonight.

Gusu Lan Clan's biggest has come and you are now getting ready to attention the lantern festival with Wei Wuxian been apart for so many days making you miss him to death .

A sudden knock on the door made you jump on your spot .

Waiting for Wuxian you opened without asking for the person outside.

To your huge surprise there was not Wei Wuxian but Lan Xichen .

" I'm allowed to go in the festival today ! I asked your uncle this morning! You cannot keep me here- " you rushed to say to afraid of loosing your only chance out .

" I'm here to take you out myself so that you can return to the library straight after the ceremony finishes , my uncle has no intention searching for you so he sent me to make sure that there will be no way for you to sneak out " he said calmly giving you a teasing smile .

You looked around searching for Wei Wuxian but there you found him next to Lan Wangji holding a paper lantern together.

You giggled at the view of Wuxian's flashed cheeks when his hand touched Wangji's accidentally.

The moment when all of the lighting lanterns had to fly to the sky arrived so you moved to catch the one in front of you but regretted it at the sight of Xichen doing the same .

You felt shy at your silly mistake don't understanding that the lantern wasn't for you but for him and you bowed in discomfort cursing to yourself for making you look even more stupid to him .. your fucking crush .

" I think this is for the both of us y/n " he told you taking your hands in his making you catch some part of the paper .

" Every one can make a wish as their lantern will make their way up ! I'm sure that each and every wish of yours will be fulfilled in the near future and luck will always saw a good face to you and your loved ones ! This year was one of educational progress, health and wisdom. I hope that all of you will follow the path we Gusu Lan Clan taught you about , a path of righteousness, fairness and virtue. Now I'll count up to 5 so all of you will have to prepare your lanterns! " Lan Qiren announced making you look around for some fire to put in the light .

"One" he started

"Two" the lantern was ready to go so you thought about making a wish

" I wish y/n would give me a chance to prove my sincere feelings for her while living and following the path of the good , avoiding the sinful road and having zero regrets. " the man next to you whispered mostly to himself with closed eyes as he hold onto your lantern tightly.

Your eyes blinked twice the having the man you wish to call yours one day admitting his feelings again .

" I wish I'll become a woman of my status so I can let myself be loved by the man I love without minding if I'll ruin his reputation with my inappropriate image " you whispered to both to him and to yourself, admitting how you really felt with this complicated situation .

You didn't want to change yourself, no not at all, but you just hopped the time could change you into what you could call ideal woman , wife , without feeling much pain in the progress.

It was true , him loving you would ruin his and the Gusu Lan Clan's reputation .

The future Clan Leader having feelings for a punk?

A girl with no manners?

Without a family and depending only on Yumeng Sect and her uncle ?

Sometimes you wished you were different, somewhat like your cousin Yanli but no , in the end you wouldn't be you , you would be someone fake .

You would be someone even more miserable.

You are clearly confused by now .

Shall I change and become what the world around me wants to or be myself and let them talk shit without minding a bit ?

The 1st one is the easy way , but the 2nd one is what will make you struggle but be you at the very last .

"Three " Lan Qiren spoke as you tried to regain your composure and focus .

"Four " all of the disciplines lifted their lanterns up readying them once more .

"Y/n would you like to be the person I call home from now on ?" Xichen asked you .

"I can't-"

" Yes you can ! If there is love in between everything can be worked out !" He cut you

" Is there any love from your side y/n ?" He asked you and you didn't want a second more to know the answer

"Yes there is "

" See ? There is no reason you can't let me love you , call you mine , make you the person I want to return after the storm . I want to be the person you need , you love , I want to be your everything, would you allow me to do that ? "

" Don't you mind I'm who I am ? "

"Five! Let them go and fly high " Lan Qiren called and you did as you were told

"No , I don't . I love you for who you really are y/n not for who I want you to be " Xichen said making you look down the floor to afraid to be loved but at the same time loose who you really love .

"I really like you , no I can say that I love you , everything you do . And all I want is to protect and take you home with me .

Will you come and live in Gusu with me ?

I wanna be with you forever and even though it's really early to say would you like to marry me one day ?

I'm sure that even though you are not my uncle's favorite person out there he will accept the fact that we want to be together.

We can call your uncle to come and set a marriage for us in the years to follow .

I will give you as much time as you feel like taking but I want to make my feelings clear to you from the very beginning.

Would you like to marry me and be the next Gusu Lan Clan's Leader wife ? " he asked always to rushed as his cheeks took a red color painting his pale skin .

"Yes I would love to ! Even if i could marry every man on earth you would be my one and only choice in every lifetime and every dimension I could live , I would choose you again"

You answer him with a little smile in the end as both of you hugged gaining glares from all the people around you .

" Does this mean that we are official?" He asked

"I guess so " you told his hiding you face in his strong torso .

" FELLOW HUMANS IM GETTING MARRIED TO MY BELOVED Y/N I WISH YOU ALL CAN MAKE IT TO OUR MARRIAGE IN THE NEAR FUTURE !" He screamed making you punch him lightly in his lower abdomen as he fake screamed in pain .

" That means that we will be siblings by law y/n?" Wuxian asked while jumping his way to your derection happily

" What do you mean A-Xian?" You asked confused .

" We are getting married too brother !" Lan Wangji said as both yours and Xichen's jaw dropped open .

" Congratulations!" Both of you screamed out loud as you went hugging them .

The four of you hugged while jumping together but then there he came Jiang Cheng.

" That means I'm the only single bird rn? Thanks guys thanks!" He said while glaring at you four .

" No you are not sweetheart!" Nie Huaisang appeared giving Cheng a misiviews smile before hiding his now flashed cheeks behind his fan .

" BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME THAT I'M THAT DESPERATE! I BETTER BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY WEN QING AGAIN RATHER THAN DATING YOU ! " Jiang Cheng screamed in Huiesung's face before storming away in order to search for his short tempered other half Wen Qing .

" There we go again " Wuxian said

" Yes there we go again " you added and the four of you started laughing until tears formed in your eyes and too little oxygen was making it's way into your lungs.

This is the best feeling.

Be with people that you love and love you ,

Without loosing faith in you ,

Without wanting to make you someone else ,

Without wanting to control you

People that love you unconditionally.

————————————————————————————

Please follow & like for more content!

Stay happy & healthy ♡

Be yourself + love yourself.

Hope you enjoyed reading

[mystech-master]

Ragna in the other BBTAG worlds

I asked a while ago for ideas as to where Ragna could end up post-CF as his “retirement” world, I’ve gotten like 3 suggestions; Bleach (mainly to pair him with Kukaku Shiba, but given everything else happening in that world he’ll have no chill there), Animal Crossing, and Mario Galaxy (on the Comet Observatory with Rosalina and the Lumas)

but today, I want to take a look at how he’d fare living in the worlds presented to us in BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle. Just for the hell of it:

Long post bellow

Persona: if Ragna were to end up living in the Persona world thing might be difficult at first, he grew up in the middle of nowhere and the woods and lived in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future, so there will be a bit of a culture shock. But if Akihiko can run around shirtless then this world will be fine with someone like Ragna. I think he might end up working with the Shadow Operatives, hey he was raised to fight so may as well put his supernatural power and fighting ability to use against the Shadows right? I mean the Kirijo group managed to make an identity for Aigis when she attended Gekkoukan High in P3, so they could make Ragna have an identity. Since the dude has Son Goku levels of education I ‘d find it funny if Mitsuru put his ass through some kind of education program or something. I mean it is never too late to get an education and I’m sure there are many real-life examples of people who couldn’t go to school for some reason or another. Also, I’ve said this before, Ragna might give of serious “Shinjiro” vibes to the Shadow Operatives, so they might be able to navigate his personality a bit better. Mitsuru can be the cool-headed one w/o being a bitch like Rachel, Akihiko would make a good sparring partner, he’ll treat Aigis and Labrys right since he treats the Murakumos like people, Yukari is pretty normal compared to most of them and can also get annoyed by their antics so Ragna might like her (he enjoys the company of average/normal people since they aren’t too zany for his tastes), Ken is pretty mature for his age, but Junpei might get on his nerves. But also, if Ragna enters around P4 Arena time, then if he stays there a few years he could be present for the Persona 5 story, and THAT would be a fun setting to play in with Ragna.

Under Night In-Birth: it being a modern world won’t be too much of an issue, like with Persona there’ll be some culture shock but lots of the people there are also kind of weirdoes. If he ends up with the main good guys (Hyde, Linne, Waldstein, and Vatista) we can just add another guy bumming around Hyde’s house.  Helping train Hyde, spar with Wald, cook for Linne (give her actual good food and she’ll be worshiping you I bet), and Vatista May remind him of Lambda so he’d be chill around her. But another idea could be him being a mercenary like Gordeau, like maybe the two becoming friendly rivals or something (I just liked how chill he was with Ragna in BBTAG’s story oka, sue me). Also, I could totally see Hilda trying to recruit Ragna into Amnesia because she hears about him being the SS-Class criminal trying to take down the keepers of the order of his world, much like how she is trying to do to Licht Kreis, she tries to get a little flirty with him, but Ragna declines b/c 1. When he was taking on the N.O.L. he was doing it for revenge, Hilda is just doing it for shits and giggles (10 points to whoever gets that reference), 2. Ragna can totally sense danger coming to from this chick, and 3. the dude is at least smart enough not to stick his dick in crazy. He and Merkava would have an interesting conversation, Merkava being a beast with a man within, and Ragna being a man with a beast within.

RWBY: Okay this might depend on where in the timeline he’s put (Pre-Volume 3 like in BBTAG, or Pre-Volume 6 like what I’ve been thinking of), but let’s stick with the Beacon arc-like in BBTAG. The current state of the world is: Cinder and her team are in disguise as Haven students, Roman is arrested, everyone thinks the threat is gone and that the Breach was the big plan, but the Ozluminati know better and are just trying to keep the peace. Ragna is a very aggressive person and easily angered, not a good thing when dealing with Grimm, which are attracted to negative emotions. Also, may I remind you that the Grimm have no souls, and thus are immune to Ragna's Soul Eater power drive which is partially what has allowed him to be such a dangerous threat in his world. In fact, his power is WAY more suitable for fighting people, considering the Huntsmen and Huntresses powers come from their Aura which comes from their soul. Like, he just grabs them and watches that Aura meter just drop FAST. Also, I’m not sure if he’d even be able to gain Aura and a Semblance himself with the Azure Grimoire also fucking his soul up. Ironwood might just say to kill/imprison this guy before he becomes a threat while Ozpin might try and be a bit more diplomatic if he at least hears about his nicer exploits (maybe from Ruby). And no, I do not know how his Soul Eater power could be used on the Maiden Powers or Ozpin’s reincarnating soul. MAYBE it could be used to kill Salem by consuming HER immortal soul instead of just physically killing her, but I do not know if it could be used to rip the Maiden Powers out of their hosts. He and Qrow might talk about their shitty lives but when Qrow offers him a drink Ragna declines b.c Ragna’s Azure Grimoire healing factor also works on toxins (seen in the Variable Heart manga where he shrugs of Shiori’s poison), also I think Ragna views Alchohol as a bitch’s way of dealing with problems. A fight between him and Raven would be interesting also, like them giving each other lectures about family: Ragna giving Raven shit for abandoning Yang (who I assume he might bond with), while Raven says that he has no right to talk about family considering the state of HIS.

There’s probably a lot more that could happen but I can’t think of anything else atm.

I’ll be skipping Arcana Heart since A. I barely know jack fuck about that series (the second game isn't even localized), B. the main powerset in that game seems to only go to girls, which leads to C. there are NO male characters, not even side NPCs, so Ragna would stick out WAY too much.

Senran Kagura: Much like Arcana Heart I don’t know much but I looked through character descriptions and some basic plot summaries here and there (mostly from TVTropes so please forgive me if I fuck something up, which I will) , so I at least get the BASIC gist of things going on. The only place I could think of Ragna going is him looking after or palling around with the Homura Crimson Squad. He isn’t one to join some big organization (the Good Ninja side won’t accept him after his MASSIVE body count in his world, and the Hebijo guys are way too intense), and depending on the timeline he could either help protect the Crimson Squad from the Hebijo team out to kill them for deserting, or he also likes to be independent and train/fight his own way. He could help Homura train for her next fight with her rival Asuka (plus she’ll be a fan of his meat cooking). He might try to get Yomi to add some more variety to her food instead of bean sprouts (cue fight). Hikage might freak him out since she looks like almost a female Hazama/Terumi, but she also struggles with socializing and likes to cook for her friends so after the initial awkwardness they might get along. Mirai hates being ignored so this might cause some annoyance to Ragna, but she’s also a bully victim. I could see him being annoyed by her but then later sees her getting picked on and his big-brother instinct kicks in and he helps, then they gain a sort of understanding. Haruka is the real beast here, the dominatrix sadist scientist who wants to make people her dolls, so Ragna might need to step up a bit to keep her under control (like I said I only know the bare minimum, she might not actually be that bad post-character development but I don’t know). Finally, just for the sake of it, I’m not too sure where on the power scale Ragna would fall in the SK universe. The most powerful person there is Sayuri/Jasmine, with I think Rin and Daidōji both sharing the second strongest spot. I’ll say Ragna is around Daidōji and Rin’s level because Sayuri/Jasmine would most likely be like Jubei level. Also because the power scaling in Blazblue is absurd so comparing the Shinobi (of whom only a few have unique powers) to the Blazblue cast (who have magical weapons and reality-fucking powers) is kind of unfair, plus it gives Ragna a sort of cap so he won’t be too unstoppable in this world. Finally, not too keen on shipping. I’ve been using the “half your age plus seven” rule of dating so to not make things weird, Ragna is 22 in my HC and the minimum age is 18 (lots of people say once your over 18 you can date whoever you want that’s older, but........no), but while a few girls in SK are 18 they are still in high school (the birthdays and ages don’t match up with their school years, and that angers me) so.....no, he just has a big brother instinct for the Crimson Squad.

I’ll also skip Akatsuki Blitzkampf b/c A. Like Arcana Heart above I barely know the story, and B. What little I have seen of the story isn’t.......much. Story Isn’t exactly a big factor in this series.

Lemme know what you guys think Ragna would get up to in these other worlds. I might add to this if another series is added to BBTAG.

[zaney-hacknslash]

Hakkai's Bday pt2

“Staying here is useless now that you’ve gotten me… That is, now that I’ve wasted so much time drinking with you. We may as well go out and see what goes on around here on a Friday night.”

“See?” A grin slipped slowly across his lips. “I knew you’re my age too. I fuckin’ knew it.”

Gojyo and I clipped through the town, side by side. It was busier than I’d even expected, with all sorts of people—old and young—bustling through the streets, chattering and laughing. Lights flashed and music blared. I spent most of the walk paying close attention each and every step I took so I wouldn’t as much as stumble, while Gojyo half-swaggered half-staggered next to me, and by the time I started to notice our surroundings again we’d reached downtown, where the noise and excitement was at its peak.

“No fighting,” I told Gojyo. “One thing I will absolutely not do on my birthday is break up a fight between you and some drunkard—not like last year. Last year, it seemed I was fishing you out of a fight every five minutes. I’m not doing that again. I will stand by and watch as you get your ass handed to you if I must, and I’ll even drag you to the emergency room if I have to, but I’m not stepping between you and someone else’s fist when you try to pick up someone else’s woman. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, do you? I wouldn’t expect you to do it on your birthday. All I’m asking for is a little common courtesy.”

Instead of answering, he wondered, “Wha’s with the swearing? You never swear.’

It must be because of the absinthe, I realized, but I wasn’t about to tell him that, so I said, “It bothers me that you didn’t answer me.”

“Duh. ‘Course, Hakkai. ‘M not gonna pick fights on your birthday. ‘Kay? Chill, Kai.”

I studied him. He didn’t seem all that drunk yet. Yes, he was slurring his words and walking unsteadily, and he had that look in his eyes, but he wasn’t falling-down-stupid like I’d expected him to be. It made me question, again, where all the absinthe had gone. If it was affecting me to this degree, I’d expect him to be blacked out drunk already… Assuming he’d drank as much as I had.

Next, I looked down at the bottle, which I held in my hand still. There was only a quarter of it left. I knew I’d drank some on the way into town, but I couldn’t remember if I’d passed it to him even once.

I hoisted it over my head suddenly, sloshing some on my shirt. “Where is all this devil’s piss going?”

Gojyo paused to wrinkle his forehead at me in consternation. “Devil’s piss…”

“What? The absinthe, Gojyo.”

“I know. Jus’ not used ta hearin’ you talk like that. Uhh. What’dya mean? Where’s it goin’… We’ve been drinkin’ it.”

“Yeah, but…” I paused and started over. “Yes, but I mean… You’re drinking it too, aren’t you?”

“We’re sharing,” he told me, mimicking my voice and tone. “That’s part of sharing. See? I listen.”

“You’re insufferable,” I grumbled.

“I’m tryin’ ta drink it, but you’re bogarding it, man. I dunno where it went. I think ya drank a bunch of it.”

“Here.” I handed it to him suddenly and tucked my hands in my pockets. It was a cold night, and I wished I’d brought my scarf. “I don’t want any more.”

Dutifully, Gojyo took a sip and wiped his lips on his sleeve.

Immediately, I snagged it back from him. “Never mind. I just remembered—if you drink too much of this you’ll ruin my birthday, if you don’t just die.”

We popped into a club of Gojyo’s choosing. I was so intent on keeping myself under control—watching the way I walked and spoke and moved—I didn’t even notice the name of the place, and the next thing I knew I was standing against the bar, shoulder to shoulder with a sea of strangers. The lights were low, making every face mysterious, and the music was so loud I had to shout at the bartender to order a martini.

“Dirty!” I screamed at him, as he cupped one hand around his ear. “Very dirty!” I jerked my thumb at Gojyo. “He’s just having water!”

Gojyo rammed me with his shoulder, very nearly knocking me off-balance, and growled, “Don’t order for me, dick head!”

I received my martini and turned to look around the club, desperate for a place to sit, but there didn’t appear to be any chairs at all—it was just a massive dance floor, wall to wall with people grinding against one another.

“Why are we here?” I demanded.

Gojyo looked coolly at me through the haze of his cigarette smoke. “Ya wanted ta go out!”

“Yes, but why here? You know I’m not overly fond of places like this!”

“I was just cold! What did’ja want? The library?”

I glared at him. “Why are you fighting with me?”

“I’m not fighting with you, Hakkai! Drink your fuckin’ martini an’ chill the fuck out!”

Scowling, I sipped my beverage. I didn’t see how I could chill out at all with all the people jostling against me and screaming in my ear, and the god-awful music blaring, and the flashing lights threatening to send me into a seizure, and Gojyo being difficult.

Gojyo hooked his arm roughly around my neck. “Dude! Quit frownin’ like that! You’re gonna scare all the chicks away!”

“Is that why we’re here? To pick up women!”

“No! I’m teasing you! Chill!”

Before I could make my response, a woman crawled out of the crowd on the other side of me. She took a moment to hitch up her halter, seeing how she was just about to fall out of it—in fact it appeared to be a size too small—and then she smiled up at me. She had an ice-white lip piercing and her eyelashes were coated in glitter. “Hey, there!”

Immediately, Gojyo took his arm off me and turned away, engaging in conversation with the patron next to him, abandoning me in yet another awkward social situation.

“Hello,” I said back.

The woman proceeded to dance next to me, bumping against me with her broad hips and pressing in close. “What’s you’re name?” she shouted to be heard over the music.

“Go—Hakkai! Cho Hakkai…”

That was my name. I’d picked it. Where on earth did I even get it? Destruction, that was me.

“Hakkai.” She giggled. “I like it! Do you wanna dance?”

I shook my head. “No, thank you!”

“Oh, c’mon!” She attached herself to my arm, fingers gliding up my bicep to my shoulder. “Don’t be shy! Dance with me!”

“I don’t dance!”

“Sure you do!” She slammed lightly against me, kinetic energy forcing me to sway in what was almost a rhythm.

“No, really! I don’t! It’s flattering,” I forced myself to add. “Very flattering! But no!”

She pretended to pout, but her eyes were bright with a hidden smile. “Buy me a drink then!”

“I’m afraid I don’t—”

A hulking man emerged from the crowd and stood behind her, bald head looking particularly shiny in the odd light. He had a huge septum piercing and a disgustingly long beard. He glared down at me. “Hey!” he boomed. “What’re you up to, punk-ass? Tryin’ ta steal my girl?”

“No, I—”

She turned to him. “Oh! Don’t be such a Neanderthal! I was just talking to the guy!”

“Looks like he’s tryin’ ta pick you up!” he growled, moving in closer to tower over me. “Right, you little shit? Pickin’ up on my girl!?”

“As I said, no, I was just—”

“Smart ass son’vabitch!” One meaty hand snagged the front of my shirt, dragging me forward, while the other bunched up and cocked back for a strike.

I dropped my martini, ready to rip his arm off. My reflexes though. They weren’t as quick as—

His fist smashed into my face, knocking me back, and the next thing I knew I was slumped against Gojyo, staring up into his screaming face.

“Hakkai!”

I felt him holding me up, but I couldn’t make myself move for a few seconds. I counted them.

One, two, three…

Gojyo’s eyes flashed and turned dark. He heaved me to the side.

I made a grab at him. His slick jacket slipped through my fingers as he darted forward.

Disbelievingly, I watched him knock the huge man’s block off. The brute fell over backward and vanished into the crowd, likely out cold on impact. His girlfriend screamed. The crowd gasped, and everyone around us fell silent. Several more men surged forward—they were dressed as bouncers.

I got shuffled to the side all too easily and lost sight of my roommate in the chaos.

Someone gripped my arm. A concerned but unfamiliar face stared at me, yelling, “You okay?”

I pulled loose and stumbled away, looking around as if I was lost. I felt blood trickling down from my nose.

What the hell just happened?

My heart started to race. The crowd was in a frenzy, shoving against each other and screaming, running away and moving in closer, rolling back and forth like tides at the ocean, pushing me out and threatening to drag me back in.

When I finally had my senses again and was just beginning to charge forward to find him, Gojyo burst out from between the wall of people and grabbed me, shoving me ahead of him through the crowd. “Go, go, go!”

I heard tremulous voices cracking over the general din. Faces appeared in front of me, staring wide-eyed with gaping mouths, and then disappeared again as I was pushed past them.

Gojyo propelled me through the exit, out into the dark cold, and I nearly tripped down the stairs. Before I could right myself, he snatched the lapel of my jacket and dragged me around the corner, slamming me against the wall.

He stared at me, face full of shock and looking pale in the shadows, cigarette busted in half and hanging from his mouth. I felt him grip both my shoulders. “Hey, you okay?”

Jerking away from him and cupping my bloody nose, I turned my back to him. Blood spattered the front of my sweater. I realized I was shaking and breathing hard. I couldn’t understand what happened. I’d just watched that half-with punch me in the face. How?

A voice bellowed through the quiet, “Don’t come back, if you know what’s good for you! Fucking gutter trash!”

“Shit.” Gojyo bumped me with his shoulder. “Let’s get outta here.”

Taking hold of me again, he led me several blocks away, to a less crowded part of the street, and then paused in an alleyway. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

I stared down at the puddle of blood in my palm. “That…miscreant hit me…”

“I saw…” He popped a new cigarette in his mouth and chewed anxiously on it. “Are you all right?”

Suddenly, I turned on him, shouting, “This is all your fault, Gojyo! I told you I didn’t want to be in there!”

“Hey, I didn’t know somebody was gonna—”

“No! But you knew I just wanted to stay home tonight! You knew I didn’t want to drink absinthe and go to a club and get hit on by STD-infested women! You know that’s what you want to do—not me! You’re so incredibly selfish!”

“Hakkai, woah!” He raised his hands. “I—”

“What’s wrong with you?” I insisted. “You just had to know what I wanted for my birthday! I told you again and again I didn’t want anything from you, but you kept pushing and pushing, and then when the actual event arrives I find you didn’t get me any of the things I asked for! You give me a bottle of alcohol I never wanted and a bloody nose from a bar fight in a club I didn’t care to go into! Why?”

“Hakkai—”

“No excuses, dammit! I understand why you don’t listen to me when I ask you to do something—you’re lazy and immature and stubborn—but why do you just ignore me when I ask you not to do something? Is this funny to you?” I wiped my bleeding nose, suddenly feeling like I just wanted to cry. “Did you just want a laugh at my expense?”

He stared at me for such a long time I felt sure he wouldn’t have anything to say at all. I felt sure he’d simply turn around and walk away without a single word.

Instead, he gave a heavy sigh, reached up to unwind the bandana from his forehead, and pinched it to my nose, too quickly for me to stop him, and so gently it didn’t even hurt. He tapped his head against mine. “Sorry,” he husked. “I don’t have an ‘cuse, Sunshine. But I’m sorry.”

Slowly, I took the bandana from him, applying pressure to the bridge of my nose. It smelled like sweat and cigarettes.

Suddenly, my head felt light, and everything seemed to spin. I leaned back against the cold wall, murmuring, “Why…does everyone think I can get you to do whatever I want? You’re the one who convinces me to do all sorts of things I don’t want to do.”

“I know,” he said quietly, lowering his eyes in guilt. “I’ma jerk.”

My best friend, who’d just demolished a man nearly twice his size like a wrecking ball against a building, for my sake, and who’d given me an article of his own clothing to stop the bleeding of my injury, was not a jerk. He was a lot of things, but that wasn’t one of them.

I threw my arms around him suddenly, pressing my bleeding face to his shoulder, and he held me up easily, while the world spun around and around. My stomach turned, and my knees buckled with weakness, and he’d never seemed so strong before. “I…miss Kanan…” I grated out, eyes stinging. “Even after all this time…”

Gojyo squeezed me carefully. “I know, Hakkai.”

“But I…I would never give you up…”

“Okay. I’d never give ya up either.”

Biting back tears, I held onto him all the tighter, and he let me.

After a few moments, he said, “So…this’s what you’re like when you’re drunk…”

“I’m not drunk,” I argued into his collar. “I’m just a little…”

[artificialqueens]

You’re A Kite, Dancing In A Hurricane

Hi guys. This is my first fic so any feedback would be much appreciated. This is also just the first chapter.

AU of Hurricane Bianca. Where Roy is a struggling science teacher who moves to a small town in Texas and Danny is a troubled student who performs at a local gay bar at the weekends. Its virtually inevitable that their relationship will be anything other than ordinary. Danny is 18 in this fic.

Roy stared at the contents of the back of his car, otherwise known as all his worldly possessions, as he got ready to leave and start a new chapter of his life in Texas. A few suitcases, a goldfish, and some nicknacks he’d picked up along the way was all Roy had to show for 37 years on this earth. Not that he cared much. He just hoped that in this next adventure hew would find something more meaningful. And hopefully more permanent. Roy had moved around a lot throughout his adult life, between being a substitute teacher for various schools, moving in and out of shitty apartments and having different groups of friends he had never stayed anywhere long enough to call it home. The closest he had to this was his two best friends D.J and Willam, who were waiting anxiously by his car. But he was getting to old for his life to focus around parties and drinking, hence him taking up the teaching job in a Milford, Texas. He hugged his two best friend and set off on the road. Next stop- new beginning.

—

As soon as Roy arrived the new town he realised how foolish he had been. It was shit. His house was tiny, and next door to the most bigoted prick he had ever met. The town looked as though it had been left abandoned for years. Hopefully the school would surprise him, he thought as he approached the front steps. He eventually found his way to the Vice Principals office where a student with a black eye was in the process of being scolded.

“It’s time for you to leave kid, you’ve been cluttering up my office for half the day.” The small woman behind the desk, who Roy presumed to be the Vice Principal, shooed the boy away.

“The nurse said that I need to sta-“ The boy protested. Roy looked the boy up and down. He was tall with beautiful black collar length hair and one hell of an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. If it weren’t for the black nail polish and distressed tee, Roy would’ve presumed the kid to be quite the chick magnet. Although he was guessing that he has his mind set elsewhere.

“I don’t care what the nurse said you’ve gotta go.” The kid was holding an ice pack to his bruised and swollen cheek. He clearly wasn’t fit to go back to class, and any sane teacher would be in the process of hunting down whoever did this to such a sweet angel. Wow. Calm down Roy.

“I hope you don’t mind me interjecting”, Roy took the gap in the conversation as an opportunity to begin speaking. “But I really don’t think this kid should be going anywhere”. The boy smiled bashfully and looked at his feet.

“Actually, Sir, I do mind.” Said the woman behind the desk. “This particular kid has been a problem for the school for some time, and I’d like him to leave my office now.” The boys face snapped up and into a frown.

“Problem? Fuck that, I just mind my own damn business and keep to myself but somehow still managed to get beat up left right and centre. I never ask for it. You can fuck all the way off if you think I’m the problem here.”

Yes! Kids got some balls! Roy was trying to suppress a smile at not only the kids outburst but his language. He also felt kinda sad that the kid clearly needed help and vowed to do whatever he could to help him out of whatever mess he was in.

“Okay, that’s it. Detention after school for one hour every night this week, starting tonight.” The kids eyes started to well up with tears and Roy just wanted to hug him. He watched as the kid picked up his raggedy, punk rock looking satchel off the floor and stomped away, muttering an array of colourful language under his breath. What a lovely introduction to the school.

“So what can I do for you, as you can see I’m a very busy woman so keep it quick.” The woman behind the desk looked at him and began tapping her foot impatiently on the floor. Rude.

“Hi. You must be Debbie Ward! Im Roy Haylock the new science teacher.” Roy tried to suppress his anger towards the woman and held out his hand for her to shake. She ignored the offer and immediately began speaking.

“Well then Mr Hoyle, here’s your lesson plan,” She said, thrusting him a copy of ‘Creationism’ which looked as though it was from the 1950’s. “Your class is in room 115.”

“Thank you!” Roy plastered on the fakest, biggest smile he could muster and turned to leave.”

“Oh and one more thing. Since you seemed to care so much, you can be on detention duty with the problem child.” She added, looking pleased with herself. Brilliant, an extra hour of work every day. Nice going Roy. At least this would be his chance to figure out a way to help this kid.

—

Roy waited anxiously for his new class to sit down as he stood in front of the beautifully written “Mr Haylock” on the chalkboard. Two girls in cheer costumes were the first to actually acknowledge his presence. One of the girls handed him a box of chocolate and sat back down. Roy began to think this school might not be as bad as he had first thought. Until he went to take a bite and noticed the girls giggling. He knew girls like this from his own time being relentlessly bullied in high school. He decided, much to the girls disappointment that he would leave the chocolates for later.

“Good morning class. As some of you have very kindly noticed” he said, giving side eye to the two cheerleaders on the front row,”I am new here. Now, I moved here from New York City, so some of the shit you may have gotten away with with your previous teachers ain’t gonna fly with me.” The students giggled at his abrupt and sweary manner and Roy smiled to let them know he was at least in part joking. “Okay so before we start I’ll be giving you a quick rundown of what we’ll be doing for the rest of the year-“ Roy was interrupted by the sound of the door. As he turned round ready to berate the offender, he stopped when he realised it was the kid he’d seen in the office this morning.

“Sorry I’m late.” The kid shuffled to his seat at the back of the room.

Roy was torn between wanting to show the class he didn’t take any bullshit but also not wanting to go to hard on the kid after the shit he’d been through already today. “Luckily for you, I hadn’t started anything important. Don’t let it happen again.” Roy ended with a light smile.

“Whatever.” The boy drawled, turning to stare out of the window. He barely moved from that position for the rest of class. Roy was nervous about what tonight’s detention would bring.

—

Roy sat in his classroom at the end of the day anticipating the arrival of the boy, whose name he had not yet learned. He decided to make that a top priority. The boy eventually arrived, 15 minutes late and reeking of weed. “Do plan on arriving late for everything?” Roy asked as he walked to his usual seat at the back of the room.

“Ya probably.” The kid shrugged and took out a notebook. Hey, at least he was honest. The boy began writing in his notebook and Roy sat awkwardly neatening everything on his already impeccable desk. After a few minutes of awkward silence Roy attempted to start a conversation.

“So kid what’s your name?”

“Danny.” He said, not looking up from his book. After a couple of minutes the kid spoke up again. “What’s yours?”

“Roy.” This time, Danny looked up from his book, looking confused. “Shit you meant my teacher name didn’t you?”

“Um. Yeah.” Danny smirked.

“Mr Haylock.” Roys face blushed red with embarrassment. He would have to get used to this teaching adult aged kids thing. Danny continued writing in his book, after a few minutes he looked up again.

“Can I call you Roy?” Danny asked with a grin.

“No way.” Roy laughed at the cheek of him. He was starting to like this kid.

“Pretty please.” Danny batted his long eyelashes and gave Roy the biggest puppy dog eyes he could manage. Roy laughed.

“Do you want more detentions kid?” Roy laughed some more.

“Only if they’re with you.” Roy spluttered slightly. Hold on was this kid flirting with him now? Roy went bright red with embarrassment for the second time in the past five minutes.

“Sure thing kid.” Roy hesitantly replied, whilst Danny laughed some more. Did that count as flirting? Had Roy just flirted with a student? The laughter eventually settled into comfortable silence and Danny continued to scribble away in his notebook.

“I’m not a kid you know”. Roy rolled his eyes and smiled. “No I’m serious, I’m 18 I got held back a year when my dad died.” Danny said nonchalantly, in a way that broke Roy’s heart.

“I’m sorry to hear that Danny.” Roy said in a more serious tone. The fact that the student he’d been flirting with was actually a legal adult was brushed to the back of Roy’s mind as he remembered that the kid was most likely desperately in need of some help.  He decided to try and approach the subject as gently as he could.

“So what’s this book you’re writing in. Seems to me like you’ve written more in it than you wrote in my class all day.” Roy began whilst walking to the desk in front of Danny and turning round the chair to face him.

“Nothing.” Danny said quickly and snapped the book shut. Roy felt bad for the kid. Clearly this was some sort of diary and he was worried that he’d crossed a line by bringing it up. Roy tried a different approach.

“So how’d you wind up here today?”

“Mouthing off to Debbie. You were there.” Danny smirked at the memory.

“I mean before that.” Roy smiled softly.

“You mean how did I get myself beat up? Oh just by being super cool, having loads of friends and being queer.” Danny laughed. Roy didn’t. “Two of those were a lie by the way.” Danny laughed again.

“You know you can talk to people-“

“Hold on let me tell you how this next part of the conversations going to go. You’re going to tell me that her are people here to help me and I’m going to tell you that that’s a big crock of shit and you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Danny said in a more serious tone. Roy looked stumped.

“Maybe there’s something I can do.” Roy tried again.

“Look I know you’re new here but you need to learn that nobody here actually cares about helping m- anyone but themselves. Okay. This town is shit. Nothing will change. Get over it.” Danny said raising his voice slightly. Roy took a moment to process Danny’s outburst.

“I’m sorry that that’s how you feel, but I genuinely do want to help you. And I’m not going to sit here and watch while any student of mine is getting treated like this.” Roy spoke softly and attempted to look Danny in the eye. The younger boy was looking out of the window, looking as though he was on the brink of tears. The two sat in silence for a minute longer. Roy glanced at his watch and noticed that they had another 25 minutes of detention left.

“Do you want to leave early, Danny?”

“Yes please.” Danny whispered, his voice breaking slightly at the end. Danny picked up his notebook and his bag and walked quickly out of the room. Roy remained looking at the space where Danny had been just moments ago, thinking about the events of the past half an hour.

—

When Roy got home he called his best friends from New York to talk to them about his confusing first day. The pair squealed with excitement when he answered call connected.

“Ahhhhhhhh girl we missed you. This bitch has been driving me crazy.” D.J laughed and nudged Willam. “So tell us everything. What’s your house like? What’s the town like? Have you got grindr yet? Have you met anyone yet?”

“Have you fucked anyone yet?” Willam added. Roy laughed at his two best friends. He missed them so much and was definitely starting to think that he’d made a mistake in coming to this hell hole.

“Which one of those would you like me to answer first?” Roy cackled and waited for his friends stop giggling before speaking again. “Okay. House is shitty. Town is awful. No grindr. No friends. I want to come home. So how are you guys then?”

“Wait you didn’t answer the last question. Who you fucking girl?” D.J squealed as Roy went bright red.

“Nobody.” He laughed trying to hide the embarrassment on his face.

“Roy-Lady, you’re gonna tell us eventually girl so you might as well just spill.” Willam insisted.

“I met him at work” Roy admitted.  The boys on the other end of the phone squealed.

“Ooooo a teacher. Is he hot? Is he good in bed?” His friends took turns at over excitedly asking him questions.

“He’s not a teacher. And I haven’t slept with him. I’m not into him, at least I don’t think I am. I can’t be anyways! He’s just… interesting.” Roy fumbled over his words. He’d only known Danny for a day and he was already managing to get inside his head. Roy was in trouble.

“Girl, interesting is just your smart ass way of saying you want to fuck him. So what does he teach?” DJ asked. “Biology” He suggested, and wiggled his eyebrows.

“I told you he’s not a teacher.” Roy mumbled the rest of the sentence under his breath.

“Speak up bitch.” His friends shouted down the phone.

“He’s a student.” Roy admitted.

“Nuh-huh honey that’s wrong. You can’t be messing with them kiddies up in that backwards little down you done found yourself in.” D.J scolded him and Roy went bright red once more.

“He’s not a child! He’s about to turn 19! And nothing has even happened. God am I an awful person.” Roy rambled.

“Oh girl if he’s 19 that shits fair game. You shoulda said baby.” Willam reassured him.

“I didn’t get a chance to before you guys jumped on my ass. Nothing’s going to happen anyways, I’m still his teacher regardless of how old he is.” Roy said in a serious tone.

“Girl it sounds like you need to get yourself a drink and loosen up.” Willam said, feeling bad for his friend. After saying their goodbyes and Roy promising he would stop being so melodramatic, Roy hung up and decided he would actually go out and get that drink he apparently so desperately needed. After arriving at what appeared to be the only bar in town Roy learnt that they did not serve any alcohol he drove disappointedly home and sulked for the rest of the evening.

__

Ashamedly, Roy spent all of Tuesday waiting for his detention with Danny to come around. He taught his lessons and insulted his students half-heartedly, all while wondering what tonight’s detention would bring. When detention finally did roll around Roy sat behind his desk and began to grade some assignments, as he expected Danny would be fifteen minutes late. As though on cue, Danny arrived late and reeking of weed once more.  Danny took his usual seat at the back of the room and started tossing a ball back and forth in his hands.

“Sorry I was a dick yesterday,” Danny drawled. Roy laughed and gave a fake disapproving look at Danny’s language.

“Really Danny, with the language again?” Roy laughed and started walking towards his seat across from Danny’s desk. Danny laughed and Roy thought it just might have been the sweetest sound he had ever heard.  Roy noticed the small plastic ball that Danny was tossing between his hands and decided to try and start a light conversation.

“What’s that you’ve got there?” Roy asked.

“It’s s stress ball. You know like for stress and stuff.” Danny answered and tossed Roy the ball. Roy turned the red foam ball over in his hand and noticed small marks in the shape of fingernails, presumedly from repeated and forceful pressure. Roy was saddened at the thought of Danny being so upset and angry at the world that he could cause this damage. He wished there was something he could do.

“So you wanna talk about anything?” Roy asked and tossed the ball back to Danny.

“Where are you from?” Danny asked and tossed the ball back again.

“I meant anything serious” Roy laughed and smiled at Danny.

“Nope.” Danny laughed, holding out his hand for the ball. Roy tossed it to him and he continued. “So come on Mi Amo we don’t have all day. Where are you from?” Danny grinned as Roy blushed.

“New Orleans, originally. I moved to New York after Hurricane Katrina and have lived there ever since. Well until I moved here.” Roy explained as Danny tossed the ball back to him.

“New York. Party.” Danny beamed. “What’s it like-” Danny started, before Roy cut him off.

“I believe it’s my turn to ask a question. Have you lived in Milford all your life?” Roy asked, punctuated by throwing the ball back to Danny.

“No I’m from Azusa. I’ll stab a bitch.” Danny answered, followed by a delicate giggle which indicated it was very likely that he could not stab a bitch. “We moved here after my dad died cause my mum met some new guy.” Danny said, looking slightly sad. “Do you have any siblings?” Danny asked, throwing the ball back to Roy and continuing the game of questions/ catch that they had begun.

“I do. I’m one of five. What do you want to do when you graduate?”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Danny laughed and Roy smirked at his answer.  “What’s your favourite food?”

“My favourite what? Is this some kind of slumber party now?” Roy teased Danny about his childlike question choice.

“It can be.” Danny said flirtily. Roy didn’t know how to respond so he just continued as though it hadn’t happened, whilst trying to suppress a blush.

“I don’t have a favourite food. What’s yours?” Danny laughed at Roy’s discomfort.

“Pizza.” Danny grinned. Roy couldn’t think of any more questions so the pair settled into a comfortable silence tossing the ball back and forth. After a couple of minutes he decided to check in on Danny’s injuries from yesterday.

“How’s your head?” Roy asked cautiously.

“Haven’t had any complaints.” Danny laughed at his own joke and Roy cursed himself for setting it up for him.

“I mean your injury.” Roy stammered, trying to move past Danny’s blatant flirting.

“It’s fine.” Danny answered, brushing the question off. After that the pair settled into the steady questioning for the rest of the detention. It was twenty minutes after Danny was due to leave before they realised the time. Slightly embarrassed that he had let himself become so distracted, Roy quickly said his goodbyes to Danny and they went their separate ways.

[cumberficsandmore-blog]

Songs and Vamps

Word Count: 2,220

Author: Deka

Warning: Blood, violence, weapons, sexual innuendos, fluff, a litlle angst, that’s it.

Pairing: Lucifer x Soulmate!Reader

Summary: After a good morning song, the boys and Y/N went on a hunt to kill some monsters, what could go wrong?

I heard someone singing, in my ear, at fucking 8:15am, I couldn't recognise what was that someone signing but they really needed to take some singing classes. A few seconds later I could recognise Lucifer signing his most popular song.

“Good morning to you! Good morning to you! OUR DAY IS BEGINNING SO GOOD MORNING TO YOU!” next to those words, he pecked my lips, “Rise and shine, sweetheart”

“Lucifer” I groaned, “what the hell are you doin’?” I frowned and thought for a moment, “No pun intended.”

“Waking you up, in my own good way, don't you like it?” He made a puppy face, damn it, he knew how to make those.

“It's not that I don't like but…” I tried to sound nice, “isn't that what you sang to Sam when you were torturing him?” I asked my boyfriend with an accusatory glance.

“Well, yes, but you know what? Sam hated it, you love it” He said jokingly, now taking off my covers from my body.

“Lucifer! I'm not dressed!” I screamed, I always slept with a oversized shirt and panties, most of the time those shirts were from Dean or Sam, Lucifer just had one outfit.

“Really? I've seen all your body already, you have nothing to hide”

I groaned, “I'm tired, just let me take a shower and I'll be ready in 15 minutes” I pleaded.

“Can I come in?” He asked with a smug smile.

“No!”

“I told you couldn't come in” I said

“Flash news honey, I'm the Devil and I can do what I want” He said cocky

“No sex for a week” I stated mockingly.

“You and I both know that you couldn't resist one week without touching me” He challenged.

“Wanna bet?” I accepted his challenge.

“Do you want to make a deal with the Devil?” He smirked, “‘cause I always win, honey”

“Sure Satan, if I win, you'll do everything I say for two weeks” I was too proud.

“And if I win?”

I laughed a little bit at his enthusiasm, “You're not gonna win”, the laughs slowly faded.

“We'll see ‘bout that”

Right in that moment Sam and Dean entered the room, Sam had his laptop and Dean had the hunting bag, full of weapons, and the other one with the suit and fancy clothes for the three of us.

“Get ready, Y/N. Sam got a case in Oklahoma, a vamp nest” the older Winchester said, “Beelzebub is comin’?” He added

“Well, now Dean-o, that was rude. You hurt my feelings” Lucifer acted sad.

“The fact that you're Y/N’s soulmate doesn't mean I would forget everything you've done” Dean said.

“C'mon guys, let's not fight” Sam tried to calm the two hormonal men.

“I'll watch over you in case you need help, and you can always pray for me, but I think you're too proud for that boys” Lucifer said calmly.

“Sure, everyone calm down” I said while palming Dean’s shoulder, “I'll see you in a week Luce” I went to kiss him, but then I remembered the bet, “and the bet is still on” I walk away while swinging my hips, I knew he would stare, and when I started going upstairs I could confirm my theory.

“So get this, there's a abandoned warehouse close to the road, 2 hours from here. In the last 3 days five people had been missing, all between the same mile” Sam explained while reading in his computer, we were in the hotel room, the brothers were sitting in the chairs and I was in the closest bed to the table, sitting legs crossed.

“There's the nest, right? Do you know how many bloodsuckers?” I asked while cleaning my machete and knives. Dean looked at his brother expecting his answer, he uncorked a beer and started drinking.

“I've seen 6 so far, the security cameras are a bit out of focus, I can't tell how many are men or women” He explained.

“Doesn't matter, we're gonna kill ‘em all” Dean left his beer on the table and grabbed his machete, “C'mon everybody” he picked up Baby’s keys and we packed everything in the trunk.

Half mile away from the hotel, we could see a little forest and a house… more like a warehouse. How could people not wonder about this place? Dean pulled over close to the house; the plan was that I would ask for their help, as a lost tourist, and go into the warehouse. I had my machete hidden in my boot and a pair of knives in my inner thigh.

“Hello?! Hello?! Please, someone help me!” I screamed and shouted while I knocked on the door, “Please, I need help!” I hear someone coming and I started working my actress skills. A middle-aged woman opened the door, “Oh thank God, I need help, my husband and I went sightseeing and somehow it all went dark and we're lost, I lost him too and I don't know what to do” I said crying, damn I was good.

“Oh, don't worry, we'll take care of you.” The way she said it send shivers down my spine. She was a vamp, I was sure.

“Thank you, Oh, thank you. God bless you.” It felt weird saying that, after all God was my father-in-law. Don't get me wrong, Chuck was cool… in his own way.

“Oh, we don't believe in God here sweetheart.” The vamp said, frowning. I made a sad face and started looking around, just as an awkward person would do, I could count 5 vamps. Four of them were watching TV and the lady was the fifth.

“Sorry, I'm sorry. Can I go to the bathroom?” She looked at me weirdly, “It'll just take a second.” I tried to convince her.

“Sure, upstairs next door.” I thanked her and went to the direction he pointed.

When I found the bathroom I closed the door and  went to the window as planned. When I was sure nobody was around I texted Dean, I hoped the vampires were busy with the TV because they have a great sense of hearing.

5 vamps inside, one should be outside with the victims. I'll take care of these ones, kill the other and help the ones who're still alive.

I pulled the toilet chain, just in case, and came outside. Well, let's just say that two of the vamps watching TV were waiting outside the door.

“Hi, boys! Are you waiting to go to the bathroom?” I said casually, moving my hands. They growled and the teeth show up. “Soooo, no roleplay huh?” As I said that, I kicked one vamp in the guts and punched the other one far. The first bloodsucker bowed for the pain and I kicked him in the face with my knee. While he was recovering I took the machete out of my boot and I took his head off, blood stained my face and shirt. One vamp less, 5 to go.

The other, the one I punched, ran away so there should be 4 angry vampires waiting for me downstairs, yay. I cleaned my machete in my jacket and guess what? Yes, I went downstairs, this is how people get killed in horror movies.

When I finished going down the stairs, there was no one around. Everything has been left on place and it was very quiet. I walked outside and I could see the woman, who opened the door, carrying Sam to some kind of dark warehouse, shit. I wanted to move and kill the lady, but everything went dark before I could move my feet.

“Don't look at me like that! What were we supposed to do? Three hunters came into our house and tried to kill us!” I heard the unmistakable voice of the lady who opened the door.

“But now two of them are injured! You know I hate to waste blood! You have to hit them in the head, haven't you?” Another voice said, it was a male voice. Then I noticed the sticky substance in my hair and face, that motherfucker had hit me in the head.

“But the blond one is good, we didn't hurt him” A younger male voice said. I opened my eyes to see that I was tied my hands and feet, around a wooden column. Sam was on my side, passed out. He was OK except for a little cut on the cheek with dry blood.

“The girl and the tall boy woke up, what should we do?” A girl said, she couldn't have more than 18 years old.

“You can eat the blond, leave these two to me” The first male voice said. He was a tall, muscular man, around 40 years old.

“What? No!” I shouted, I tried to find something sharp to cut the ropes, but there was nothing, “Dean! Wake up, Goddamnit!” I continued shouting.

“Dean!” Sam woke up from my shouts and screamed too, he was on my left.

I started looking everywhere, searching for something to help us. But then I remembered.

“Lucifer!” I shouted so loud that I even scared the vamps. The ones holding Dean stopped what they were doing and looked at me, then at the man close to us, and then back at me.

“Lucifer? What about him? Who are you? Aren't y’all supposed to hate the Devil? You’re hunters after all.” The vamp, who I think is the leader, said.

I didn't listen to him and continued praying.

“He's not gonna come Y/N, why would he save us?” Sam said.

“Because, Sammy, I'm not as bad as I look” Lucifer said as he appeared in front of me, “close your eyes” he told us, and we did it. After a few seconds and a strong flash of white light, Lucifer was standing on my right, his white wings were stretching behind him. As his soulmate, I could see his wings, not only the dark shadow they produced, but the actual feathers.

I instantly calm down and released a long sigh. “Thanks Luci” I told him.

“No problem sugarcheeks” He said.

Then I heard a groan and a raspy voice, “Cut all the chick flick moment and take us home, use your angel mojo or whatever” Dean harshly said, already awake. Lucifer was going to make a smartass comment but I looked at him and shake my head. He let out a sigh and the next thing I know, we were all in the Bunker, safe and sound.

“Take care of your brother, Winchester, I'll help Y/N” Luci said grabbing and holding me braid style, he didn't hide his wings so I could see them wrapping around my figure.

“Thank you” I said when he left me on my bed and placed two fingers on my forehead.

“You scared me, I was solving some problems in Hell and then I heard your prayer. I thought something bad happened” He said looking sad, really sad.

“Well, something bad actually happe…” I couldn't finish because Lucifer’s lips were on mine. He kissed me in a rough way, trying to put all his worry in one simple act of love. When I was starting to feel dizzy for the lack of oxygen, he finished the kiss.

“Wow,” We said at the same time, “kinky” I added. “By the way, you lost the bet. Now you have to do everything I say for one month” I said with a smile.

“I thought you said two weeks?” He wondered.

“I did, but the kiss was rough and needy, one week more for that” I explained calmly.

“Oh, you little human, you tricked the Devil” Lucifer smirked

“I learned from the best” I pecked his lips, “so, as my first order, I want us to lay down and cuddle. At least until I fall asleep, then you can leave, I know you have Satan’s stuff to do” I kissed him once more.

“If you keep doing that you're not going to sleep that much, babygirl” He said in a husky voice.

“Shhh, c'mon.” I lay down on the bed and made myself comfortable under the sheets, Luci then came down behind me and hugged me as his life depend on it. “Everything alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, it's just… I was scared, of losing you, y’know?” He told me, “The only person that cared for me,” his cracked a little bit, “and I care for you so much, it's strange.” He managed to steady his voice.

“Everything will be OK, Luci” I calmed him, “We're going to live a good and long life” I said, I was feeling my eyes closing, the hunt was to stressful, and now I was falling asleep.

But before I lost conscience, I heard him said those three words, for the first time, “I love you” He whispered, thinking I couldn't hear him.

“I love you too” I said, and I saw his smile and his baby blue eyes wet with tears.

“Good morning to you, good morning to you. Our day is beginning so good morning to you.” I heard Lucifer softly say in my ear, kissing my lobe and neck.

“Good morning, love” I smiled, still a little asleep, “I like this way of waking up”.

“Yeah, me too” He sighed, “me too”.

[zuzuhe]

the sonic archie comics are unreal

as an 8 year+ ‘sonic veteran’, I gotta tell you, young me has read some shit. I used to be way into sonic stuff for some reason, and one day I discovered the sonic comics. I’ve collected over 300 issues and many of its spin off stories, and I need you guys to sit down because sonic comics are one fucking wild ride that never stops.

fun fact: Sonic comics are the longest running comic based off a video game. (started like... 1990′s and continues today...nearly 20 years now)

here’s my top 16 weird ass facts about the sonic comics you guys might enjoy:

16. Knuckles' half brother Knee-cap

So Knuckles’ mother(Lara-le) divorces his father(Locke) and ends up marrying a guy named Wynmacher and has a child with him who they named “Knecapeon Mace” but called him Knee-Caps for short.

15. Knuckles becomes evil Thor at some point

So Knuckles has this arch-nemesis named Dr. Finitevus who looks pretty cool and all and Finitevus I guess curses Knuckles to become this weird evil god that wants to destroy technology or something... and Knux’s father Locke ended up sacrificing himself so Knuckles could go back to normal so Finitevus indirectly killed Knuckles’s father...

honorable mentions.... Knuckles has a great uncle that is a floating robotic head because he abandoned his body so he could live longer... also Rouge has flirted and kissed Knuckles’s dad more than once.......................................... just thought I should throw that out there...

14. Sonic is a fucking stud jfc

Sonic has dated or flirted with nearly ever girl in this fckin franchise I need to lie down... and this one girl he was dating... Fiona the fox:

So apparently there was this robot duplicate made of Fiona when she was Tails’ age and Tails was dating that robot on an island or some shit and then he realized Fiona was fake... but then the real Fiona appears one day and she’s a few years older than Tails (16 while Tails is like 12 or 13) and Tails is heart broken because she starts dating Sonic but then she starts fucking cheating on Sonic with Sonic’s anti-self Scourge from another dimension and if you haven’t pulled out your wine bottle yet, now is the time to because damn do we need a drink after all this shit ... there’s just a lot of romantic drama in Sonic’s life

13. The Mina the Mongoose situation

So Mina Mongoose is this popular pop-singer that dated Sonic at some point. They have this weird drama where Mina gets shot in the back to save Sally for Sonic… but she survives and then I guess she gets over Sonic and starts dating her gothic asshole manager named Ash?????? Mina I guess had some weird ties with Mammoth Mogul some weird psychic evil mammoth who somehow initiated control over Tails, Mighty, and Mina and threatens to kill them unless Sonic breaks him out of jail and gives him a chaos emerald… trust me this comic gets really fckin dark and confusing..

Speaking of dark, Sonic and Co. eventually lose their entire city to Eggman and Nicole, a robotic A.I. makes an artificial recreated city, but then she gets taken over by some techno bitch and Mina has reoccuring nightmare and tries to throw a rebellion against her or some shit idk

Mina’s life has always been about drama, to the point where in the future she fucking marries Tails?! and they have TWO children Melody and Skye like what the fuck is happening right now

12.Tails’ family

Tails’ father (Amadeus) was a general that lead the mobian army against the humans. His mother Rosemary had actually worked with her husband to fucking OVERTHROW THE KINGDOM OF ACORN TO TRY AND CREATE A DEMOCRACY….. …. also Tails’ uncle Merlin Prower is more or less a “jedi” wizard who is learning the way of chaos power…. so Tails’ family is all over the place they’ve been kidnapped by aliens, roboticized, thrown in jail, I mean damn this kid has been hanging out with Sonic because his family was just not around him most of their life they love him but they got shit to do… fuck shit up Prower family damn….

11. Sonic’s family

Sonic’s real name is Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog. I shit you not. Sonic was just a nickname. Can you fucking believe this I’m dead omg.... His mom is blonde by the way, her name is Bernadette. His father (jules) was turned into a robot by Eggman and they have yet to reverse this process, but his Uncle Chuck is fine...he’s still got his luscious mustache.

Sonic ends up marrying Sally in the main future timeline and they have two children named Sonia and Manic, which are names derived from the Sonic Underground series where Sonic has two siblings named Sonia and Manic and all three are royals who the queen hid within the city to protect them from the evil Robotnik or some shit…. I mean how deep does this get….look at those fucking parallels...

10. Shadow marries Sally / future situation  

Knuckles who somehow has become a cowboy with a robot eye… marries an echidna named Julie-su and they have a daughter named Laura-su. Bunnie and Antione have two children who for some reason are half metal, as mentioned Tails married Mina and their two kids Melody and Skye…. no idea what the fuck happened to Amy in this future, she’s just kinda gone…. ???? idk

Shadow went and fucked up the timeline and took over as the new king of Mobius… so he married Sally. Luckily they didn’t take it as far as to have children but damn is Shadow a mess in his intentions throughout this comic series. Sonic and Co. somehow regain control of timeline and everyone is happy again and there’s new freedom fighters... Oh fyi Shadow also reunites with Maria kind of… he sees her in a computer program along with his creator… so that’s nice

9. the antis

…..there’s a anti sonic dimension.. where everyone is a gothic-punk alter-ego….. and Anti Sonic turned green because of the master emerald for some reason and I think either Knuckles or Knuckles’ father game him that scar on his chest…. Anti Sonic names himself Scourge and was dating Fiona who was cheating on Sonic…. fucking look at Anti-Tails I cant with this I am deceased…..

his gang likes to jump dimensions and Zonic the Zonecop didn’t like that.

8. Zonic the Zone cop

Zonic the Zonecop…. works under Zobotnik….. they’re basically cops who monitor all Sonic dimensions and take in prisoners who leave their dimensions or threaten to destroy dimensions/zones… Zonic always has to hunt down Scourge and other trouble makers and lock them up…. so anyone who dreamed of Sonic in power ranger gear well congrats your dream has come true….

7. Bean is fucking related to Jet from Sonic Riders apparently?????

So remember Jet the Hawk from Sonic Riders… well somehow he might be related to Bean or something???… and Bean calls him “ jettison Q. Hawkington….”   don’t know why but I find that funny

6. Eggman fucking snaps

Eggman FUCKING SNAPS OK LIKE HOLY SHIT.. like out of no where he destroys Sonic’s entire city, beats the shit out of him, captures his family and friends, and then tries to turn Charmy bee into a robot but instead gives him brain damage…. Sonic kinda snaps too and would almost consider severely harming or killing Eggman… luckily Sally’s robotic A.I. Nicole had built them all a new city out of nanites …  but this whole plot was…. out of every possible plot I could see in a Sonic franchise, having such a grave one thrown at me out of no where was the biggest fuckign surprise 7 year old me has ever seen ok holy fuck

5. Amy’s situation and her cousin Rob’O who is a king..?????

Amy used to be like… 8 years old or some shit then she wished upon a magic ring that made her body grow older by like 4 years or something so she could be part of the freedom fighters and potentially date sonic or something… so Amy is way younger mentally than she looks…

She has a cousin named Rob’O who married some echidna lady and they had a son named Jon… apparently Amy’s uncle was a king and Rob’O is next in line to the throne so Amy is somehow technically royalty ?????????????????? slkfjdk????

4. Charmy bee is a fucking prince and has a girlfriend

oh Charmy Bee is also a fucking prince who has a girlfriend named Saffron… no idea who came up with this plot or why

3.  Sally’s weird love life

Sally has a weird love life too, she is princess of Mobius despite her brother and his wife and child being next in line for the throne…..??? She ended up dating this secret service agent Geoffrey the Skunk who had a wife named Hershey the cat who I guess maybe got killed during a mission or something… Geoffrey got into some weird corrupted scandals with villains too I don’t recall his allegiance but Sally was smart for dumping his ass.

She also has some weird ass thing going on with this embodiment of the monkey king………??????

and then she had this arranged marriage thrown together by her father to marry the royal guard Antoine who was actually anti-Antoine from the anti dimension who imprisoned the real Antoine….. Antione I guess finally escapes and then ends up marrying Bunnie instead?????? who the hell are these writers and where did they come from

Sally and Sonic end up together in the end and Sonic becomes king of Mobius and they have kids and all so happy ending for her I guess…. besides that one timeline where she had to marry Shadow…

2. SNIVELY’S...LOVE LIFE...

Um…. Snively is …. Eggman’s nephew…. and something happens to Eggman and Snively somehow ends up dating this one techno-magic chick named Regina the Iron Queen.. she tries to take over Nicole’s nanites…  I have no idea who the fuck is writing the romance in this series but I’d like them to sign all my comics

1.THE WAR

apparently the sonic mobians had this massive war against “Overlanders” basically somewhat de-evolved humans due to a mutation experiment / bombs that aliens called Xorda bombarded onto pre-Mobius aka Earth. So more or less Eggman and Snively and any other humans are basically the endangered human species trying to regain control over their planet through xenophobic / racist ideals against the evolved animal species that is the Mobians and Sonic……………………….. I’m not fucking joking

LAWSUITS AND THE WEIRD REBOOT

So apparently Sonic Archie comics went into this huge timeline-dimensional reboot because one of the former writers Ken Penders has thrown multiple lawsuits into Archie comic’s hands and this shit has been going on since 2009 until even now…

Some weird things going on in the reboots:

there’s this lady named Breezie who is … in love with Neo Metal Sonic……I think she’s based off a side character from the old show………and I really think that’s all I should tell you as you can probably see how she was first introduced…  

Honey the cheetah… a concept from an old Sonic game I guess returned????

No romance at this point…….

they gave Sally clothes for some reason…

But basically Ken Penders, a previously major archie sonic comic writer, was the creator of multiple if not all of the echidnas involved in the sonic comic storyline. So Finitevus, Julie-su, basically the entire Echidna brother hood, Knuckles’ younger brother, Charmy’s girlfriend Saffron, Mina Mongoose, Mammoth Mogul, and even Amy’s cousin Rob’O are now required to be out of the story. Ken wanted to use the sonic characters he made for his own original graphic novel but Archie wanted to maintain copyright on his characters and concepts… I mean most writers and artists are aware that the things they produce for a licensed company are usually OWNED by that company, so its weird he’d even attempt something like that. Archie claimed Penders signed a contract as evidence for it but failed to produce the contract so the lawsuit settled in 2013. Because of this, Sonic Archie comic and it’s spin off series of Sonic Universe had to completely rewrite their stories to get his characters out of the picture, or straight up just redesigned the characters… he’s also recently claimed in 2015 he’s got another law suit in mind…??? He’s actually ‘inspired’ Scott Fulop to also file lawsuits after he left archie comics too.

Here’s a chart someone made for Ken Pender’s logic in some of his lawsuit filings which you can obviously tell is quite a mess:

honorable mentions

I mean there’s a shit ton of stuff I’ve missed or haven’t even mentioned about this shit…..

thanks for stopping by and letting me explain the horrific treasure that is the sonic comic series because whAT thE FUCK

my god I love the sonic comics 

[sophrosynity]

FJM is a fucking legend.

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74:17 of pure enlightenment... although “I love you, honeybear” is still my favorite vinyl... :)

1- PURE COMEDY (6:23)

The comedy of man starts like this ... Our brains are way too big for our mothers' hips ... And so Nature, she divines this alternative ... We emerged half-formed and hope that whoever greets us on the other end Is kind enough to fill us in ... And, babies, that's pretty much how it's been ever since ... Now the miracle of birth leaves a few issues to address ... Like, say, that half of us are periodically iron deficient ... So somebody's got to go kill something while I look after the kids ... I'd do it myself, but what, are you going to get this thing its milk? He says as soon as he gets back from the hunt, we can switch ... It's hard not to fall in love with something so helpless ... Ladies, I hope we don't end up regretting this ... Comedy, now that's what I call pure comedy ... Just waiting until the part where they start to believe ... They're at the center of everything ... And some all powerful being endowed this horror show with meaning ... Oh, their religions are the best ... They worship themselves yet they're totally obsessed ... With risen zombies, celestial virgins, magic tricks, these unbelievable outfits ... And they get terribly upset ... When you question their sacred texts ... Written by woman-hating epileptics ... Their languages just serve to confuse them ... Their confusion somehow makes them more sure ... They build fortunes poisoning their offspring ... And hand out prizes when someone patents the cure ... Where did they find these goons they elected to rule them? What makes these clowns they idolize so remarkable? These mammals are hell-bent on fashioning new gods ... So they can go on being godless animals ... Oh comedy, their illusions they have no choice but to believe ... Their horizons that just forever recede ... And how's this for irony, their idea of being free is a prison of beliefs ... That they never ever have to leave ... Oh comedy, oh it's like something that a madman would conceive! ... The only thing that seems to make them feel alive is the struggle to survive ... But the only thing that they request is something to numb the pain with ... Until there's nothing human left ... Just random matter suspended in the dark ... I hate to say it, but each other's all we got ...

2 -  Total Entertainment Forever (2:53) Bedding Taylor Swift ... Every night inside the Oculus Rift ... After mister and the missus finish dinner and the dishes ... And now the future's definition is so much higher than it was last year ... It's like the images have all become real ... And someone's living my life for me out in the mirror ... No, can you believe how far we've come ... In the New Age? Freedom to have what you want ... In the New Age we'll all be entertained ... Rich or poor, the channels are all the same ... You're a star now, baby, so dry your tears ... You're just like them ... Wake on up from the nightmare ... Come on ... Oh ho oh Oh Oh ho oh No gods to rule us ... No drugs to soothe us ... No myths to prove stuff ... No love to confuse us ... Not bad for a race of demented monkeys ... From a cave to a city to a permanent party ... Come on ... Oh ho oh Oh Oh ho oh When the historians find us we'll be in our homes ... Plugged into our hubs ... Skin and bones ... A frozen smile on every face ... As the stories replay ... This must have been a wonderful place ...

3 -  Things It Would Have Been Helpful To Know Before The Revolution (4:18)

It got too hot and so we overthrew the system ... 'Cause there's no place for human existence like right here ... On this bright blue marble orbited by trash ... Man, there's no beating that ... It was no big thing to give up the way of life we had ... Oh ho oh ... My social life is now quite a bit less hectic ... The nightlife and the protests are pretty scarce ... Now I mostly spend the long days walking through the city ... Empty as a tomb ... Sometimes I miss the top of the food chain ... But what a perfect afternoon ... Industry and commerce toppled to their knees ... The gears of progress halted ... The underclass set free ... The super-ego shatters with our ideologies ... The obscene injunction to enjoy life ... Disappears as in a dream ... And as we return to out native state ... To our primal scene ... The temperature, it started dropping ... The ice floes began to freeze ... From time to time we all get a bit restless ... With no one advertising to us constantly ... But the tribe at the former airport ... Some nights has meat and dancing ... If you don't mind gathering and hunting ... We're all still pretty good at eating on the run ... Things it would have been helpful to know before the revolution ... Though I'll admit some degree of resentment ... For the sudden lack of convenience around here ... But there are some visionaries among us developing some products ... To aid us in our struggle to survive ... On this godless rock that refuses to die ...

4 -  Ballad Of The Dying Man (4:50)

Naturally the dying man wonders to himself: Has commentary been more elusive than anybody else? And had he successfully beaten back the rising tide ... Of idiots, dilettantes, and fools ... On his watch while he was alive ... Lord, just a little more time ... Oh, in no time at all ... This'll be the distant past ... Ooh ... So says the dying man once I'm in the box Just think of all the overrated hacks running amok And all of the pretentious, ignorant voices that will go unchecked The homophobes, hipsters, and 1% The false feminists he'd managed to detect Oh, who will critique them once he's left? Oh, in no time at all This'll be the distant past What he'd give for one more day to rate and analyze ... The world made in his image as of yet ... To realize what a mess to leave behind ... Eventually the dying man takes his final breath ... But first checks his news feed to see what he's 'bout to miss ... And it occurs to him a little late in the game ... We leave as clueless as we came ... For the rented heavens to the shadows in the cave We'll all be wrong someday ... Oh ... Oh ... Oh ...

5 -  Birdie (5:19)

Take off, little winged creature ... It's nothing but teens in ravines ... And antics on concrete down here ... And are you really as free as all the great songs would have me believe? Let me tell you why some day, Birdie, you're gonna envy me ... Some dream of a world written in lines of code ... Well, I hope they engineer out politics, romance, and edifice ... Two outta three ain't bad ... Some envision a state governed by laws of business ... Merger and acquisition instead of violence or nations ... Where do I sign up? Take off, little winged creature ... It's nothing but falling debris, strollers, and babies down here ... And you may be up in the sky but our paradigms are just as deep and just as wide ... What with all our best attempts at transcendence ... Something's bound to take ... Soon, we'll live in a global culture devoid of gender or race ... There's just one tiny line: You're either born behind ... Or you're free to peek inside ... Life as just narrative, metadata in aggregate ... Where the enigma of humanity's wrapped up finally ... That as they say is that ... Oh, that day can't come soon enough ... It'll be so glorious ... When they finally find out what's bugging us. ...

6 - Leaving LA (13:11) I was living on the hill ... By the water tower and hiking trails ... And when the big one hit I’d have a seat ... To watch masters abandon their dogs and dogs run free ... Oh baby, it’s time to leave ... Take the van and the hearse down to New Orleans ... Leave under the gaze of the billboard queens ... Five-foot chicks with parted lips selling sweatshop jeans ... These L.A. phonies and their bullshit bands ... That sound like dollar signs and Amy Grant ... So reads the pulled quote from my last cover piece ... Entitled "The Oldest Man in Folk Rock Speaks” ... You can hear it all over the airwaves ... The manufactured gasp of the final days ... Someone should tell them ‘bout the time that they don’t have ... To praise the glorious future and the hopeless past ... A few things the songwriter needs ... Arrows of Love, a mask of Tragedy ... But if you want ecstasy or birth control ... Just run the tap until the water’s cold ... Anything else you can get online ... A creation myth or a .45 ... You're going to need one or the other to survive ... Where only the armed or the funny make it out alive ... Mara taunts me 'neath the tree ... She's like, "Oh great, that's just what we all need ... Another white guy in 2017 ... Who takes himself so goddamn seriously." She's not far off, the strange thing is ... That's pretty much what I thought when I started this ... It took me my whole life to learn to the play the G ... But the role of Oedipus was a total breeze ... Still I dreamt of garnering all rave reviews ... Just believably a little north of God's own truth ... He's a national treasure now, and here's the proof ... In the form of his major label debut ... A little less human with each release ... Closing the gap between the mask and me ... I swear I'll never do this, but is it okay? Don't want to be that guy but it's my birthday ... If everything ends with the photo then I'm on my way ... Ohhh-ho-o-oh oh-ho-ho-ho-oh I watched my old gods all collapse ... Were way more violent than my cartoon past ... It's like my father said before he croaked ... "Son, you're killing me, and that's all folks." So why is it I'm so distraught ... That what I'm selling is getting bought ... At some point you just can't control ... What people use your fake name for ... So I never learned to play the lead guitar ... I always more preferred the speaking parts ... Besides there's always someone willing to ... Fill up the spaces that I couldn't use ... Nonetheless, I've been practicing my whole life ... Washing dishes, playing drums, and getting by ... Until I figured, if I'm here then I just might ... Conceal my lack of skill here in the spotlights ... Maya, the mother of illusions, a beard, and I ... 2000 years or so since Ovid taught ... Night-blooming, teenage rosebuds, dirty talk ... And I'm merely a minor fascination to ... Manic virginal lust and college dudes ... I'm beginning to begin to see the end ... Of how it all goes down between me and them ... Some 10-verse chorus-less diatribe ... Plays as they all jump ship, "I used to like this guy ... This new shit really kinda makes me wanna die" ... Ohhh-ho-oh-oh oh-ho-ho-ho-oh Ohhh-ho-oh-oh oh-ho-ho-ho-oh My first memory of music's from ... The time at JCPenney's with my mom ... The watermelon candy I was choking on ... Barbara screaming, "Someone help my son!" ... I relive it most times the radio's on ... That "tell me lies, sweet little white lies" song ... That's when I first saw the comedy won't stop for ... Even little boys dying in the department store ... So we leave town in total silence ... New Year's Day, it's 6 o'clock AM ... I've never seen Sunset this abandoned ... Reminds me predictably of the world's end ... It'll be good to get more space ... God knows what all these suckers paid ... I can stop drinking and you can write your script ... But what we both think now is.

7 - A Bigger Paper Bag (4:41) Dance like a butterfly and drink like a fish ... If you're bent on taking demons down with only your fist ... And I've never known anyone who could lose himself in a bigger paper bag ... The weaker the signal, the sweeter the noise ... Hunching over an instrument that you now employ ... Like the Starvation Army needs a marching piano in the band ... Are you feeling used? ... I do ... Oh, I was pissing on the flame ... Like a child with cash or a king on cocaine ... I've got the world by the balls ... Am I supposed to behave? ... What a fraud ... What a con ... You're the only ... One I love ... It's easy to assume that you've built some rapport ... With a someone who only likes you for what you like yourself for ... Okay, you be my mirror but remember the only a few angles I tend to prefer ... I'm only here to serve ... Oh, I was pissing on the flame ... Like a child with cash or a king on cocaine ... I've got the world by the balls ... Am I supposed to behave? ... Oh, I was dancing 'round the flame ... Like a high-wire act with a "who, me?" face ... I was living on nothing but water and cake ... What a fraud ... What a con ... You're the only ... One I love ... One I love ... One I love ...

8 - When The God Of Love Returns There'll Be Hell To Pay (4:04) When the god of love returns ... There'll be hell to pay ... Though the world may be out of excuse ... I know just what I would say ... That the seven trumpets sound ... As a locust sky grows dark ... But first let's take you on a quick tour of your creation's handiwork ... Billy got through the prisons and stores ... And the pale horse looks a little sick ... Says, "Jesus, you didn't leave a whole lot for me ... If this isn't hell already then tell me what the hell is?" ... And we say it's just human, human nature ... This is place is savage and unjust ... We crawled out of the darkness ... And endured your impatience ... We're more than willing to adjust ... And now you've got the gall to judge us ... The spider spins his web ... The tiger stalks his prey ... And we steal fire from the heavens to try to keep the night at bay ... Every monster has a code ... One that steadies the shaking hand ... And he's determined to accrue more capital by whatever means he can ... Oh, it's just human, human nature ... We've got these appetites to serve ... You must not know the first thing about human beings ... We're the earth's most soulful predator ... Try something less ambitious the next time you get bored ... Oh, my Lord ... We just want light in the dark ... Some warmth in the cold ... And to make something out of nothing sounds like someone else I know ...

9 -  Smoochie (3:45) When my personal demons are screaming ... And when my door of madness is half-open ... You stand alongside ... And say something to the effect that everything'll be ... Alright ... Soon ... Smoochie ... Chaos attends to creation ... And when the shadows inside me vie for attention ... You stand alongside ... And say something perfect like "concealment feeds the fear." And hand me a sea peach ... And say, "Come, come over here ... Smoochie."

10 -  Two Wildly Different Perspectives (3:12) One side says ... “Y'all go to hell.” The other says ... “If I believed in God, I'd send you there.” But either way we make some space ... In the hell that we create ... On both sides ... One side says ... “Kill 'em all.” The other says ... “Line those killers up against the wall.” But either way some blood is shed ... Thanks to our cooperation ... On both sides ... On both sides ... One side says ... “Man, take what's yours!” The other says ... “Live on no more than you can afford.” But either way we just possess ... And everyone ends up with less ... On both sides ... On both sides ...

11 - The Memo (5:16) I'm gonna steal some bedsheets ... From an amputee ... I'm gonna mount em on a canvas ... In the middle of the gallery ... I'm gonna tell everybody ... It was painted by a chimpanzee ... Just between you and me ... Here at the cultural low watermark ... If it's fraud or art ... They'll pay you to believe ... I'm gonna take five young dudes ... From white families ... I'm gonna mount 'em on a billboard ... In the middle of the country ... I'm gonna tell everybody ... They sing like angels with whiter teeth ... But just between you and me ... They're just like the ones before ... With their standards lower ... Another concert-goer will pay you to believe ... Oh, caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night ... Cameras to record you and mirrors to recognize ... And as the world is getting smaller, small things take up all your time ... Narcissus would have had a field day if he could have got online ... And friends it's not self-love that kills you ... It's when those who hate you are allowed ... To sell you that you're a glorious shit ... The entire world revolves around ... And that you're the eater, no not the eaten ... But that your hunger will only cease ... If you come binge on radiant blandness ... At the disposable feast ... (You're enjoying the chill winter playlist) Just quickly how would you rate yourself ... [?] In terms of sex appeal and cultural significance? (Irony, irony Blo blo blo blo blo blo blo) Do you usually listen to music like this? (Just one more mile, you can do it again) Can we recommend some similar artists? (This is totally the song of my summer) Are you feeling depressed? (This guy just gets me) But your feedback's important ... To us ... (Music is my life) Gonna buy myself a sports team ... And put 'em in a pit ... I'm gonna wage the old crusade ... Against consciousness ... All I need's a couple winners ... To get every loser to fight in it ... Keep the golden calf ... Just need the bullshit ... And they won't just sell themselves into slavery ... They'll get on their knees and pay you to believe ...

12 - So I'm Growing Old On Magic Mountain (9:58) That was the last New Year I'll ever see ... And I wanna stay on that magic mountain ... With lost souls and beautiful women ... I drank some of Farmer's potion ... And we were moving in slow motion ... The slower, the better ... The slower, the better ... 'Cause there's no one old on magic mountain ... There's no one old, old on magic mountain ... And that was the very last barn I'm burning ... So for now everyone is dancing ... As if it's any time but the present ... So for now every young thing in my path ... I'll hold their face so long inside my hands ... The longer, the better ... The longer, the better ... 'Cause there's no one old on magic mountain ... There's no one old, old on magic mountain ... The wine has all been emptied... And smoke has cleared... As people file back to the valley... On the last night of life's party... These days the years thin till I can't remember... Just what it feels like to be young forever... So the longer I stay here... The longer there's no future... So I'm growing old on magic mountain... I'm growing old, old on magic mountain...

13 - In Twenty Years Or So (6:27 What's there to lose? For a ghost in a cheap rental suit? Clinging to a rock that is hurtling through space? And what's to regret? For a speck on a speck on a speck...? Made more ridiculous the more serious he gets? Oh, it's easy to forget. Oh, I read somewhere, That in twenty years, More or less... This human experiment will reach its violent end... But I look at you... As our second drinks arrive... The piano player's playing "This Must Be the Place"... And it's a miracle to be alive... One more time... There's nothing to fear... There's nothing to fear.... There's nothing to fear...

BUY THIS ALBUM. BUY THIS FOR YOUR TRUMP SUPPORTING FRIENDS BUY THIS FOR YOUR TRUMP SUPPORTING FRIENDS

[onlyaburrito]

This is the longest dream of my life sorry

I got on a train idk where I was going but I was excited about it. I ended up making a friends with a couple other passengers bc there were only about 10 people on the train and they were all around my age. At one point I did something that upset one of them (I can’t remember what it was) and even though I apologized they were super mad. After a while of chilling with my new pals, one of their boyfriends comes up to me (his name was AXEL CAN U BELIEVE THAT) and he starts yelling at me and swinging fists. My friends were shocked and just stood around for a lil bit before intervening. Bc of that incident half of the passengers were in a different area from me and my friends, except for the gf of axel but I understood her reasoning. The train stopped right outside of a town, not at a station, and hysteria took over the minds of the passengers as they were convinced BY THAT DOUCHEBAG AXEL that there was a virus loose in the city that turns people into insects. My first reaction was to play along with it for a bit, but soon realized that it needs to stop before it gets out of control. But, Being someone that has ‘wronged two members of the group,’ no one believed me that it was bullshit. Everyone grabbed weapons, mostly old pipes and broomsticks, and created little hideout rooms on the train to sleep in. I just stayed in a seating area with a pipe below one of the seats in case one of the others tried to attack me. Axel and his lady, having shown testosterone filled angry dominance and control over the situation, took a full room and built a full size bed inside. They had little lights strung up the walls and it actually looked pretty cool. The other /less important/ passengers built their bunks similarly to mine except most had overhead protection made of wood, blankets, or some other material that shouldn’t be on a train but is anyway. Hours after building preparing ourselves for our new life on the train, I pull out a small camera to document whatever was about to go down. You know, for security and artistic purposes. Whatever. Later we we’re in a l conference area and axel was at the front going over plans of attack if someone infected boards the train, supply collection, and ground rules about entering his cabin. The kid couldn’t have been older than 22 years old and acted as if he had been in the army since birth. He was scary. I was terrified of him and he already didn’t like me, and I wasn’t even sure why. When it came time to go out and get supplies I was left in the train bc axel didn’t trust me to not run off and do something stupid. And also bc i have 0 upper body strength and if something went wrong I’d just end up being dead weight. He had a point there. So I was left on the train with about 5 other people, including his gf. I kept forgetting her name at the time but I’m p sure her name is asia. She was a smallish girl with blue hair and glasses. The looks of a girl that loves tumblr but the personality of someone that spends too much time outside. Among the others were nameless individuals with very different personalities and styles. Who could forget Terrified Ginger Kid, Smarty Pants Glasses Girl, Alternative Rock Punk Chick, and Axels Leftover Henchman With No Social Skills At All. A good bunch of kids. While the ground team was out robbing a Costco I decided there was no better time than now to do a lil bit of interviewing with the passengers. You know, for my art project. I asked them how they were doing, if they were armed, and if they actually believe they’re in danger of being attacked by an undead insect person. They all seemed pretty scared and ill prepared for any fighting. I stated to think maybe I was the crazy one, and society had actually fallen and we were some of the lucky few to have been contained in travel at the time. Axel and his bad boys arrived back at the train with a bunch of useless college boy supplies. You got ur beer and chips and shit like that. Stuff that wouldn’t be that much of use if we were on the brink of death, as he says we are. — Days had passed and we were still on this train. Having no power sources we all had to turn off all our electronics to save them for an opportunity to make contact with someone for help. We sat in a dark conference room all day barely talking to each other. Axel walked out of his room carrying a golden pipe that he claimed was his staff. He walked over to me and hit me in the neck. I was just like “what the FUCK” and he said “stay away from Asia. I don’t want you messing around with her.” I responded “me messing around with ur girl should be the least of your problems right now, considering the situation were in.” He lunged at me one last time then backed off. I left the room and documented what had just happened. You know, to use against him in a Court Of Law bc he’s crazy and holding me and everyone else in a train against our will. Where was the conductor even at? Did they just disappear? Who cares at this point. Everyone in the group was afraid to talk to me now, except for Asia. God knows why she would still talk to me. Scared ginger boy was especially afraid, leaving the room each time I’d enter. Really broke my heart. I love scared ginger boys. —– The next day Smart Glasses Girl was missing. This was troubling bc she was one of the few people aboard the train that I saw as at least moderately sane. No one seemed to notice though, she was just a nameless background character in our story. I documented her disappearance and grabbed a few stashed electronics to try and contact her. After a few failed attempts contact was made and I finally found out for sure that the virus wasn’t real, and axel was essentially kidnapping us all to start some kind of post-apocalyptic-with-no-apocalypse- society. I had to get out. I assume the people that went with axel to gather supplies are either too stupid to realize nothing was happening, or were in on it from the start. That doesn’t explain the disappearance of the conductor, unless he’s in on it too. In that case this is some kind of conspiracy and someone in my half of the group is wanted by /someone/. But which one of us? And by who are they wanted? I couldn’t leave until I figured it out. My security art project depends on it. A story with no ending is useless. I asked Glasses Girl to do some research on every passenger for me and apologized for her not having a name. She said it was ok and started doing her research and said she should be ready with the information by the next morning. I deleted everything we had said to each other after documenting it, and turned off the phone I was using and put it back where I found it. —– Axel walked into the conference room holding his staff and said that a few people had gone missing. He only noticed because they were His people that followed him blindly. Having no other choice, he told Scared Ginger Boy to stay with Asia as the rest of us went out for supplies. He said he wanted someone a little more capable of defending themselves and others to protect his precious lady, but he wouldn’t Dare leave her alone with me. I have no idea why he was convinced something was going on between us, we were just pals and I have respect for relationships, even if I hate their partner. Having the revelation of how abusive he must be to her shocked me. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. He treated her as a trophy instead of a human being. —– Once we got out of the train, Axel developed a bad Australian accent and told us to follow him closely. I of course, documented the excursion. Because if I died during all this I want some found footage movie to be made in my honor. And to show how crazy this dude is. We walked through what appeared to be an abandoned town and found a house with no one inside. I stayed outside to 'keep watch’ as the others went in and grabbed stuff. I felt ok with this bc I technically wasn’t robbing someone’s house, only standing outside and recording the crime through the windows. That made it ok. After a little while they all ran out of the house screaming. Apparently they spotted a roach on the floor and risked coming in contact with the virus. How did he convince these people of this? WHERE is the conductor? —– When we arrived back at our train commune, Ginger Boy was nowhere to be found. Asia said he had freaked out and ran outside. As some of the others looked for him, I got the phone I’d used the day before to contact Smarty Pants. She said she didn’t find anything of interest on anyone. As I was about to send her another message, axel walked in and grabbed the phone and smashed it with his pipe. What a dickhead. He told me to go back to the conference room or he’d smash my face in next. Nice! —– In the days that followed, more and more people went missing. It got down to just four people. Axel, Asia, me, and a kid with terrifying eyes. I think his name started with an S? Salamander? Idk but that’s good enough. Scary eyed Salamander boy had something off about him. Some kind of bad vibe. The type of kid to beat someone up for looking at him wrong. The type of kid to blindly follow orders. The perfect army recruit. Axel walked into the room, wielding his staff as usual, and sat down. Just then, we heard voices outside the train. He jumped up and told us all to hide and that he’d handle whatever it was. He opened the train door and someone yelled “hey!” He closed the door and ran back to where we all were hiding and told us to grab weapons. The voice could still be heard outside asking “What are you doing in there? How long has this train been sitting here? Do you need help?” The door opened and the guy walked in. Axel ran right at him and hit him in the head with his precious pipe and the dude fell to the floor unconscious. Nice! —– I decided that this had gone on long enough. Not only had this kid held us in here, but he also assaulted and essentially kidnapped this other dude too. He was tied up in a storage room. It was night time and the others were sleeping so I decided to go let him out and leave the train. I approached the door and prepared the makeshift knife to release him. Just then axel and lil salamander ran up to me and started beating me with pipes. Then I woke up the end

[badwolf1988-blog]

Nobody Gets Left Behind

Summary: Imogen “Ginny” Kyle is a teen actress who is stuck living with her abusive father. One night at a party she meets Duane Lee Chapman. He offers to help her. He wants to love her. Can Ginny believe him? Is he telling the truth when he tells her that when it comes to family...nobody gets left behind?

Rated: R

Disclaimer: Yeah, this never happened. 

Status: COMPLETE

Disclaimer:  I do not know Duane Lee Chapman. I mean, he seems like a swell guy but he never returns my calls and he took out a restraining order after I followed him home that one time.

Disclaimer: Lilo and Stitch is copyright © Disney and Jumba.

Author's Note: I wrote this story a million and a half years ago. Yes, I know movie timelines don't make sense and Alan Rickman is still alive. I wrote this story in 2010. You guys can thank @NicktheDiva for finding this on the hard drive of his old computer when he was doing some spring cleaning. I hope you all enjoy!

***WARNING*** This story features a romantic relationship between an adult man and a teenage girl. If you don't like that use your back button now. ***

Honolulu, Hawaii June 17, 2005

I hate my life. I mean it. I 100% detest my life. I slowly unwrapped the ace bandage that the wardrobe lady had bound my breasts with. Why had she done this? Yeah, I thought you might ask. You see, my name is Imogen Kyle. I'm seventeen-years-old and I have been an actress pretty much since birth thanks to my money hungry father. While I had once been an adorable little girl who had passed for Shirley Temple in a biopic about her, I now more closely resembled a 1960's Playboy Playmate. I had definitely inherited my late mother's curves that was for damn sure. This caused a bit of a problem because my two most popular roles to date were that of Annabeth Chase in the Percy Jackson films and Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. Both characters were teenage girls with normal teenage girl bodies. I did NOT possess a normal teenager's body. I had started developing quickly right around the time I turned twelve. I had endured more ace bandage wraps than I care to remember.

As I threw the ace bandage wrap onto the small vanity table in my trailer I gently massaged my chest. Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see where the bruises were already starting to appear around and under my breasts. I sighed. I looked like a freak.

A knock on the door almost made me jump out of my skin. I quickly grabbed my pajama top and threw it on.

“What?”

The door opened and the friendly face of my friend (and castmate) Brandon appeared.

“Hey, girlie...wanna go to a beach party tonight?” He stepped all the way inside and closed the door.

I rolled my eyes. “You know He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would never allow it.”

For those of you who want to know...He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is what I called my father. If I was in a hurry You-Know-Who and Voldemort would also work.

“So don't tell him...he'll probably be passed out drunk by the time you get back to the hotel anyway.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Just tell him filming ran late.”

Brandon and I had come up together in the world of young Hollywood. We had been tight for years and he knew more dirt about my family than anyone else. If he was so inclined he could make a small fortune by selling just half of what he knew to the tabloids. Luckily, Brandon was loyal. He was one of those lucky child stars who's parents actually gave a damn about him so he was surprisingly well adjusted.

“Who's throwing the party?” You always had to be cautious about those you associated with when you were in my line of work.

“This dude named Leland I met last night at Hooter's.” Brandon explained. “His dad is this famous bounty hunter or whatever.”

My best friend wanted to take me to a party being thrown by a bounty hunter's son that he met at Hooter's? What the hell. I was only going to be a stupid teenager once right?

“Sure, I'll go...just let me finish getting changed.”

“I'll wait,” Brandon nodded but made no attempt to leave the trailer.

Jesus, he could be so airheaded sometimes.

“That means you have to leave numbnuts.”

“Oh, right...my bad!” He quickly made an exit.

Seeing as the only clothes that I had brought with me from the hotel this morning were the worn out Rugrats pajamas I had arrived in, I went to the clothing rack in the back of the trailer and quickly flipped through my wardrobe choices. Seeing as my chest was still killing me, I chose a white sundress that tied around my neck and had a hold ribbon along the waist. I wouldn't need to wear a bra. I'd be good...so long as I didn't dance...or run...or make any sudden movements whatsoever. Why couldn't I have mosquito bites like the rest of the actresses my age that haven't had extensive plastic surgery?

At The Party

Okay, this was the last time I let Brandon drag me to a party being thrown by some dude he met at a Hooter's. Most of the people in attendance were in their late twenties and early thirties. There was no one to talk to. No guys to dance with...not that I could in this dress but still. We were two millennials surrounded by Generation X. Add on that Brandon had abandoned me over an hour ago to chase some tatted up chick named Georgie and I wasn't in the best of moods.

“You don't look like you're having a very good time.”

A warm and not unpleasant voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I was seated on the tailgate of a pickup truck and while I had been spacing out, I had been joined by a rather bulky dude with deep blue eyes. He kinda reminded me of the character Emmett Cullen from that god awful Twilight book my grandma had sent me for my birthday because all the girls just had to have it. He was also way older than me. He had to be in his late twenties at least. But he was oh so pretty to look at.

“Yeah...well...I'm a lot younger than like...everyone here.” I pointed out the obvious as I took a sip out of my red solo cup. I had no idea what I was drinking but the fruity mix was making me totally chill.

“Then why are you here?” He countered by asking the obvious.

Touche, sir. I thought.

“Because if my best friend jumped off a cliff I'd probably jump too?” I tried being witty.

The fruity drink must have improved my snarky personality because the dude actually laughed. Score one for fruity alcohol!

“So, what's your name, young one?” He asked as he took a sip out of his own cup.

Oh, awesome! He didn't know who I was. I was going into this with a clean slate.

“Imogen but most people realize that was a cruel burden for my parents to place on my shoulders and simply call me Ginny,” Oh, this fruity cup of awesome sauce was turning me into a witty smart ass that would make my co-star and all around hero, Alan Rickman, proud.

He laughed again before catching my eye and nodding his head at me. “Nice to meet you, Ginny. I'm Duane Lee.”

“Too long,” I shook my head in mock seriousness. “I'm going to have to call you DL.”

“Princess, you can call me whatever you want.”

Hold the phone – Was he flirting with me?

“Oh, really?” I flirted right back because of the awesome sauce. “And why's that?”

I must have taken him by surprise because he paused for a second and chuckled to himself before he responded. “Because the lady is always right, of course.”

Oh, he was smooth...and I was going to see how far I could milk this.

“So, I could convince you to do anything right now? Because I'm a lady?” I baited him.

“Within reason,” He nodded his head and amended.

“Pretend to be my guardian so I can get a tattoo?” I have no fucking clue where that idea came from...probably the awesome sauce. Whatever. I was going to go with it.

“How old are you?” He seemed a bit taken aback.

“Seventeen as of January,” I replied casually as I took another sip from my cup.

“Damn...I thought you were at least twenty...” And he was going to go running for the hills. Just my luck...and he had been so pretty to look at.

“Hey, sixteen's the age of consent in most states...Hawaii included...” I blurted out and just let the statement hang in the air. How the fuck did I even know that?

He actually seemed to be thinking it over.

“I'm going to hell...” He muttered to himself before turning to me with an oh-so-sexy smirk. “So, where do you want to go for this tattoo of yours?”

Holy shit! He had taken the bait.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. I guess I was getting a tattoo.

“I'm only in town for work,” I admitted as he stood. “You pick the place.” Was I fucking nuts?

“And what kind of business would require a seventeen-year-old to travel?” Duane Lee asked as he offered me his hand to help me down off of the tailgate.

“Show business,” I responded shortly. It must have been too shortly because he very quickly changed the subject.

“Do you want to find your friend and let her know that you're leaving?” He asked as we slowly made our way towards the beachfront parking lot.

I shook my head. “He ditched me first. Let him worry.”

“Your best friend's a guy?” He asked in surprise as we arrived at the passenger side door of a red Silverado.

“Yep,” I smirked. “He's also black. We should have our own sitcom.”

Duane Lee laughed as he held open the Silverado's door for me and I got into a truck with a man who's last name I didn't even know.

At The Tattoo Parlor

“So...what kind of tattoo are you planning on getting?” Duane Lee asked as I flipped through a catalog of designs.

I had no fucking clue. I had been half passed shit faced when I had proposed this little adventure and now that I was coming down from my buzz I was really regretting drinking so much awesome sauce.

“Something that means something...” I replied vaguely.

Suddenly, a voice that I secretly loved came from the television that was hanging from the wall in the waiting room.

“Ohana means family...family means...nobody gets left behind...or forgotten.”

Stitch from Lilo and Stitch was my all time favorite Disney character.

“Do you think you could draw him?” I asked the tattoo artist and jerked my head in the direction of the television.

“Give me half an hour.” The chick nodded.

Duane Lee took a seat in one of the waiting room chairs and pulled me to sit in his lap. Damn, I really wish I had more awesome sauce right now. Being this close was making my brain pack up and go on vacation.

“Why Stitch?” He asked as he lightly ran his fingers up and down my arm.

“Because he's weird. He doesn't fit in. He doesn't look like people think he should. I can relate to that.” I told him honestly.

He leaned forward a bit and nuzzled my neck. That was it. My brain wasn't coming back from its vacation anytime soon. It had bought a summer home on Airhead Island and it was making friends with the neighbors.

“Are you going to get that ohana quote too?” He laid a kiss just below my ear and I shivered.

“I would actually have to believe in family to get that inked into my skin.” I said rather bitterly even to my own ears and once again Duane Lee let the topic drop.

TWO HOURS LATER

DUANE LEE'S HOUSE

What the fuck was I doing here? It was after midnight. Voldemort was going to kick the ever living shit out of me for not coming back to the hotel when filming wrapped for the day. He was never going to believe that filming ran this late. He might be a drunk but he still knew how the industry worked. I was still a minor. I could only work a certain amount of hours a day.

Duane Lee – to his credit – also looked like he had no clue what the hell to do next.

“I didn't bring you here to have sex with you,” He blurted out as we stood awkwardly in the center of his living room.

Um...okkaayy. I had no idea what to do with that. How was I supposed to respond? My right shoulder was stinging under the bandage that temporarily covered my new tattoo. My head was cloudy as I crashed even further down to earth after way too much awesome sauce. Witty Ginny was gone.

“I brought you here because I'm worried about you...” He continued.

Huh? How could he be worried about me? He had just met me.

“I saw the bruises when you pulled your top down for the tattoo artist,” He took a step closer and reached up to run his hand along my cheek. “Who did that to you, princess?”

I laughed. “The wardrobe hag on the set of my new movie,” I explained. “She binds my breasts so I actually pass for my age on screen.”

He nodded. “What are you here filming? Percy Jackson? I don't think there are any scenes in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince that require a Hawaiian backdrop.” He smirked gently. “I have a question for you, princess. Does it ever bother you that you play Luna when your name is really Ginny?”

The son of a whore! He had known who I was the entire fucking time!

“Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters,” I answered his first question on autopilot, completely ignoring his second.

“I know you're probably pretty shocked that I know who you are,” He reached up behind my neck and pulled on the strings holding my dress up. They easily gave way and the top half of my dress pooled at my waist, leaving my chest completely bare in front of him. “But I'm going to shock you a little further with what I know.” He gently reached out and cupped my breast in his hand, using his fingertips to soothe the angry purple and blue flesh along the bottom. “I know these bruises came from binding your breasts.” His hand suddenly dropped to run along the healing green and yellow bruises along my ribcage. “But these bruises came from someone's fist. I'm a bounty hunter, princess. I know abuse when I see it. You were too willing to get drunk and run off with me tonight. You act older than you are. Someone's hurting you, Imogen, and I want to know who it is...now.” He demanded as his eyes found mine.

“My dad,” I answered without even thinking about it. I had never told anyone that my father hit me...not even Brandon. All he knew was that my father was a controlling, verbally abusive asshole.

He pulled me into his arms and held me as tightly as he seemed to know my bruises would allow.

He laid a kiss on my ear before whispering, “Do you want to get away from him? I can make it happen, Imogen.”

Why was he so willing to help me? Why did he speak to me like I was something precious? Was getting away from my father even an option? He controlled everything, including my money, until my eighteenth birthday. How would I survive without him? And the press would be a nightmare when they got wind of me running away from my father. No, it was completely out of the question...at least until I turned eighteen next year.

I withdrew from his arms and pulled the top of my dress back up.

“This was a bad idea, DL. Take me back to my hotel.” I demanded while not quite meeting his eyes.

Duane Lee just shook his head sadly and complied with my wishes.

Before he let me get out of his truck, Duane Lee took my cell phone from me and programmed his number.

“All you have to do is call me, princess,” He told me as he leaned across the middle divider. “My offer to get you out never expires...you hear me?”

I nodded. “If you got me out...would that mean that I got to be with you?” I knew that I could never accept his help but still I found myself needing to know the answer.

He just stared at me, studying my face for a moment before asking, “Is that what you would want...to be with me?”

Christ, I hated it when people answered an important question with one of their own.

I knew the answer was yes but I couldn't bring myself to verbally say it so I simply nodded my head.

Duane Lee reached out and ran his finger along the seam of my lips. “Then, yes, you could be with me if you left your father.” He leaned forward and laid a brief, gentle kiss on my lips.

When we parted, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I knew that I needed to get out of the truck. I knew if I didn't do it soon, I probably never would.

Without so much as a last glance in Duane Lee's direction, I got out of the truck and literally ran away from the man who offered me salvation.

Two Months Later

I couldn't take it anymore! I didn't fucking do anything to that man! I was his daughter. He was supposed to protect me. Isn't that what good fathers did? My father wasn't a good father. No...Voldemort was the type of father to beat the hell out of his only child because she was twenty minutes late getting back from a press interview.

I was still having trouble breathing as I leaned against the sink in my bathroom for support and wiped the blood away from my nose...which I'm pretty sure was broken. This couldn't go on. He was going to kill me. The movie had wrapped filming today and I didn't start filming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince until next summer. I was terrified of what You-Know-Who would do to me if we were left alone together for that long.

As it had after every beating I had received in the last few months, my wandered to Duane Lee. I should have taken him up on his offer when I had the chance. But then I remembered...

I looked at my cell phone laying on the black marble of the bathroom counter. Duane Lee said that his offer would never expire. Voldemort expected me to leave the island with him tomorrow. This could be my last chance to escape.

I grabbed my phone and sat on the lid of the toilet. I was in so much fucking pain! I scrolled through the contacts until I found his name. Knowing that my father had gone out bar hopping, I hit send and hoped that I was making the right decision.

“Bail bonds,” He answered on the second ring.

“DL?” My voice shook as I heard the mellow voice that I hadn't realized that I had missed so much.

“Ginny? What's wrong, princess?” I could clearly hear the worry in his tone and if I wasn't in so much pain, I probably would have smiled.

“He really hurt me this time, DL,” I told him as I started to cough. “I need help,” I admitted. It was getting harder to breathe.

“Where are you, baby? Do you need a doctor?” I heard him rushing around and yelling to people in the background.

“I'm at the hotel you dropped me off at...penthouse suite...and yeah, I'm having trouble breathing...and everything is starting to spin...”

“Imogen, listen to me. I'm sending an ambulance to you. I'm at the airport in Colorado waiting on my plane back to the islands but I'll make sure someone meets you at the hospital. You hear me, princess?”

“Yeah...” I replied before everything went black.

At The Hospital

My head was pounding as I finally came to. From the beeping of a heart monitor to the overly sanitized smell, I knew that I was in the hospital before I even opened my eyes.

What the hell had happened? The last thing I remembered was talking to Duane Lee. He told me that he was sending an ambulance and then everything just went hazy.

I started coughing as I opened my eyes and was met with the sight of mint green walls and red faux-leather furniture. What did all hospitals share the same interior decorator? My throat was raw as hell. I tried to sit up a bit.

“Whoa there, sista,” A stacked, bleach blonde woman appeared at my bedside. “You just had major surgery and you've been out a few days. You can't go moving around like that.” She gently pushed me back down with an overly manicured hand.

“What happened?” I asked as in a raspy voice as she grabbed a cup of water and a straw off of the rolling side table.

“Your father broke your ribs and one of them punctured your right lung.” She brought the straw to my lips and I gratefully took a sip. It felt like I hadn't had anything to drink in years. “Your left lung couldn't handle all the pressure and ended up collapsing as well. They had to open you up to repair the damage. You were on a ventilator until day before yesterday.” Well, that explained why my throat felt so raw. “You had us worried.”

“Who's us?” I didn't want to seem rude but I had never seen this woman before in my life and I had no idea why she was sitting at my bedside nursing me like she was my mother.

The woman didn't take offense. She just chuckled. “My name's Beth Chapman. I'm Duane Lee's step-mom.”

Okay, things were starting to make a bit more sense now.

“Where is Duane Lee?” I don't know why but I felt this overwhelming need to see him. I wouldn't feel safe until I was in his presence.

“He just ran downstairs for a cup of coffee,” She went about straightening my blankets. “He should be back any second.” She assured.

Almost as soon as the words had left her mouth, the heavy wooden hospital room door opened and Duane Lee walked in carrying a cup of coffee. He was wearing bagging jeans and a tight, black, long sleeve t-shirt. He looked exhausted; like he hadn't slept in days.

“Speak of the devil,” Beth smiled at her step-son. “Look who's awake!”

A huge grin spread across Duane Lee's handsome face and his bright blue eyes lit up when he saw that I was awake.

“Hey, DL,” My voice was still very horse and I was pretty groggy but I managed to send a weak smile his way.

“I'll leave you two alone,” Beth quickly slipped from the room.

“Hey, there beautiful,” He set his cup of coffee down on the side table – forgetting about it completely – and moved to sit carefully on the bed at my side. “How are you feeling?”

“Rough,” I told him honestly. “What happened with my father?” I knew that with me in the hospital, there was no way that he had gotten away with hurting me this time.

“He was arrested and Beth had a judge friend of hers sign over temporary guardianship of you to her.” He explained.

What?! Did this mean that I had to go and live with Beth? I mean she seemed like a friendly enough person but I didn't know her from Adam.

“It's just in writing...you're going to stay with me and we're going to hire a lawyer to get you legally emancipated.” He must have sensed my panic and rushed to explain.

“I wish I had stayed with you that first night,” I cast my eyes away from his as they filled with tears.

“I wish you had too,” He admitted. “I wish you had believed me when I told you that I would take care of you. But that's in the past. You're with me now. You're safe...and that's all that matters.” He leaned forward and took me by surprise when he carefully turned my head to face his and laid a chaste kiss on my dry and cracking lips.

One Week Later

I had finally been sprung from the hospital after a week. I was more than ready to leave. While Duane Lee, his brother Leland, Beth, and at times even his father (with the very odd name) Dog were always on hand to keep me entertained, I had developed a serious case of cabin fever.

I had been so anxious to leave the hospital that I really hadn't given much thought on just where I was going. Now, as I sat in the familiar passenger seat of Duane Lee's Silverado heading towards his house I was panicking slightly. I had actually gotten away from my father. I was free...and I had no idea what to do with myself.

Duane Lee had convinced his family that I would need time to settle in at his place so we were alone as we entered his Spanish ranch style house.

I was still having some trouble walking so Duane Lee had to help me to the couch. According to the doctors, I would be off my feet for the next couple of weeks.

Duane Lee helped me get settled before he finally kicked out of his shoes and took a seat next to me. Careful of my still fresh stitches, he pulled me into his arms.

“Welcome home, princess,” He laid a kiss on my temple. I had never felt so secure in my life. That combined with the truly killer pain meds the doctor had given had me falling asleep on his shoulder in no time.

Later That Night

When I awoke, I was no longer on the couch. I was laying in a huge, comfortable wooden sleigh bed. The room was bathed in nothing but moonlight and I knew that it had to be late.

As if cued by some unseen director the door to what I could only assume was the attached bathroom opened and Duane Lee emerged wearing a pair of black basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. He had obviously just finished getting ready for bed.

The room was so dark, he didn't notice that I was awake until he joined me in bed.

“I didn't expect you to wake up until morning,” He laid on his side with his head on the same pillow that mine rested on. “The doctor said I should expect you to sleep a lot. Are you hungry? Do you need any pain pills?”

“No,” I yawned. “By the way...where am I? Is this your room?” I asked curiously.

He gently wrapped his arm around my waist. “Well, up until today it was my room. Now, I was kind of hoping that it could be our room...”

Oh. If I had given zero thought to our living arrangments, I had given even less thought to our sleeping arrangments.

“Our room?” I parroted back. “Doesn't that seem a little permanent?” I asked. Surely, he wouldn't want us to live together forever.

“Princess, you're welcome to leave whenever you want...but I really don't want you to.” He ran his hand up and down my back. “You see I have this wicked plan, Pinky...” The Hawaiian moonlight made his smirk seem downright sinister.

“And what is this wicked plan, Brain? Are we going to try and take over the world tonight?” I kidded back.

He let his hand run up my back until it stopped over my Stitch tattoo. “I'm going to prove to you that you are worth loving. I'm going to do that by loving you the way that you deserve to be loved. I'm going to surround you with so many members of the Chapman family and with so much love that you are going to have no choice but to go back to the tattoo shop and get that ohana quote added to your tattoo. I'm going to make you believe in family.” He vowed.

October 2005

It was only four months before my eighteenth birthday when I finally became emancipated. After having to rely on Duane Lee for everything, I finally had access to my own money...and boy did I have a lot of it. My father never let me know how much money I made off of my movies...now I see why he wanted to keep me under his thumb so badly. He didn't want to give up my money.

My dad had been sentenced to three years in prison for the attack that had almost killed me. I really wish they would have given him more time but in the eyes of the law he was a first time offender. At least I knew that I would never have to see him again. The trial judge had made it very clear that one of the conditions of my father getting out of prison when the time came was that he obey a permanent restraining order that had been put in place.

A month ago, I had traveled with Beth and Duane Lee's younger sister Lyssa (Duane Lee had to work) to my native North Carolina to pack up my childhood bedroom and put the South Park Charlotte area home on the market. The mansion that my father had bought in my name sold quickly.

Now, here I sat in the kitchen looking through the documents the financial advisor Beth had hired for me had put together. I knew what I wanted to do with some of my money. I wanted to buy a house. I didn't want to stop living with Duane Lee. I had come to the not so startling conclusion that I was in love with him over a month ago. He was renting the house we lived in for an astronomical amount of money a month and he had picked the place by himself. This had just been the place that he had been nice enough to share with me after my father had attacked me. I wanted a place that was our own. I wanted to pick out a place that belonged to the two of us.

“What are you up to, princess?”

I nearly had a heart attack. I hadn't heard Duane Lee come in. I wasn't expecting him until later. He and his family had been on the hunt for one of their fugitives for over a week and the guy was proving elusive.

“You're home early,” I commented as he dropped a kiss on my lips and took a seat in the chair next to me.

“Yeah, the cops got the guy before we could.” He seemed truly pissed off about this. “Dad sent us all home. Told us to take tomorrow and the rest of the weekend off. What's all that?” He nodded towards the papers scattered across the glass service of the kitchen table.

“My financial advisor sent these over. It's a breakdown of all the money that I've earned during my career.” I explained. “I was just going through them and thinking...”

“Thinking what, Gin?” He prompted when I hesitated.

“I want to buy a house.” I blurted out.

He leaned back in his chair and he almost looked like he had been deflated. “I thought you wanted to stay with me?” He sounded hurt.

Realizing that he had taken my comment the wrong way, I rushed to assure him. “I do want to stay with you. I want to buy a house together. I want something that's ours...that we can pick out together. I want permanent.” I rambled.

A slow smile spread across his face. “Really? You want permanent?”

I nodded shyly. “I know that I'm young but I also know that you are the one that I want to be with.”

“How do you know that?”

I hadn't been expecting that question. I guess he was going to make me say it.

“I know because...I love you.” I looked him in the eyes. “I couldn't love you if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I couldn't believe that I had actually said the words but they felt so good to say.

He pushed back his chair and got to his feet. Holding out his hand to me, he pulled me to my feet and kissed me hard on the mouth.

I was panting when he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. He had never kissed me like that before.

“I love you too, Imogen.”

Christmas Eve, 2005

The Chapman House

Denver, Colorado

“So, sista, how goes the house hunting?” Beth asked me as she sorted out the gifts under the Christmas tree. She was sorting gifts by name and placing them into red velvet bags that looked like Santa sacks.

“We found this beachfront place not that far from you and Dog. We made an offer but we haven't heard back yet.” I answered as I finished wrapping Duane Lee's presents.

“You don't sound very excited...do you not like the house?” Beth asked as she tore into what appeared to be a wrapped clothing box.

“No, I love the house...it's just...everything is so mixed up.” I vented. I cast aside the small gift box that I had just finished wrapping and ran my hand through my blonde hair in frustration.

“Care to elaborate? I can't help ya, if you don't, sista.” Beth said as she opened the white cardboard garment box and extracted a handheld video game. The sneaky woman. She hid gifts from Santa hidden under the tree in plain sight.

“DL keeps asking me to marry him...”

“The way you say that means that you keep turning him down,” Beth eyed me critically. “Do you want to marry Duane Lee or not?”

“I want to marry him but it's not that simple...” I tried to explain but Beth wasn't going to let me finish.

“Let me guess...your career is holding you back, isn't it? I know being a celebrity seems like your whole world but at the end of the day, you're an actress. That's a job. Nothing more and nothing less.”

I'm going to be honest and admit that I had never thought of it like that. I had been an actress since I was a little girl. My whole life had been wrapped up in being a celebrity until I had come to live with Duane Lee. I was only seventeen. The press was already having a field day with my father going to prison. How would they react when they discovered that I was in a relationship with a thirty-two-year-old man? Our marriage would be seen as nothing short of perverse and fans would never accept it.

“I do enjoy life more when I'm with DL and the rest of the family just...being normal,” I admitted. “I actually love it when you guys let me come and hang out at the office or let me ride around on bounties.”

Duane Lee had started taking me along to work about two months ago. The premiere of Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters wasn't until June. I wasn't needed in Scotland to film the next Harry Potter installment until August. Brandon had booked a guest starring role on this sitcom called Raising Hope and was in California indefinitely. I was going stir crazy. At first, Duane Lee's brother Leland suggested that I volunteer with the local theater. It was a thoughtful suggestion but my heart just wasn't in it. I might be a natural actress but I don't really enjoy it. It's just something that I have always done. When I'm hanging around Da Kine...I love it. I enjoy helping my scatterbrained boyfriend catch up on paperwork on the weekends. I love hanging out with Beth and Lyssa when things are slow. I even truly enjoy the rare occasions when the reality TV cameras aren't rolling and I can join the family out on bounties.

Would losing my public image and walking away from Hollywood after my Percy Jackson and Harry Potter commitments were up be so horrible?

Could I see myself as an eighteen-year-old bride? Isn't that what I already was? I mean, me and Duane Lee lived together. We had breakfast together in the mornings and went to bed together every night. We lived like we were married already. There was only one marital perk that he wouldn't grant me.

“But work isn't the only problem! I would happily walk away from Hollywood to be with DL. But why should I marry a man that shows zero interest in me sexually?” I regretted the words almost as soon as they left my mouth.

Beth's eyes went wide and she froze for a second before she regained her ability to speak. “It sounds to me like you would want to leave Hollywood even if Duane Lee wasn't in the picture.” She spoke evenly. “You should follow your heart. It also sounds to me like you want to get married but you are way too focused on what society is going to think instead of what you want. Lastly...are you nuts?!” Her voice suddenly rose. “Have you seen the way that boy looks at you?! Of course he's sexually attracted to you!”

“Then why won't he sleep with me?” I demanded to know.

“Everything okay in here?”

Beth and I both jumped as Duane Lee suddenly appeared in the room. I really hoped that he had not heard our conversation but the look on his face gave nothing away.

“Yeah,” I chuckled nervously. “We were just messing around...”

“Oh, well, I was looking for you, princess,” He smiled at me. “Do you think you're up for taking a ride with me?”

A ride? Where in the world could he possibly want to go? Three feet of snow had fallen the night before and the snowplows had just finished clearing the roads. Plus, it was Christmas Eve. Nothing was open. There was really nowhere to go. Still, it was Duane Lee asking. How could I say no to him?

“Sure,” I smiled, got to my feet and headed to the coat closet by the front door.

“That bag is for the two of you,” I heard Beth tell Duane Lee as I laced up my snow boots before pulling on my jacket, hat, and gloves.

I was surprised when Duane Lee met me in the hall carrying one of the Santa sacks over his shoulder.

“Go hop in my truck, princess,” He bent down to drop a quick kiss on my lips. “I have to grab a few things and then I'll meet you out there.”

What the hell was he up to?

In The Truck

I was more confused than a Star Trek fan at a Star Wars convention. Before we had left the house Duane Lee had loaded not only the Santa sack but also a duffel bag into the bed of the truck

We had been driving for about twenty minutes when my curiosity finally got the better of me.

“Okay, where are we going?” I demanded to know. “I've seen you in the middle of prank wars with Leland and Wesley. You have that same gleam in your eye right now. You are totally up to something.”

Duane Lee just laughed at me as he turned onto a gravel road that lay almost hidden in the dark.

There were no lights on this dirt road save for the headlights of Duane Lee's pickup truck.

“Um...babe...I'm not really up to reenacting Deliverance for Christmas...” I said nervously. This road was creepy as fuck.

After what felt like forever we finally emerged from the darkness onto a paved well-lit driveway. Duane Lee parked the truck in front of a cute two-story log cabin.

“Not Deliverance...I was thinking more Cabin in the Woods.” He joked as he killed the engine.

He got out of the truck and came around and held open my door for me.

“Seriously, DL...what is this?” I asked as he gave me a hand out of the truck. I shivered as the cold December wind hit my face.

Duane Lee pulled me into his arms and kissed me thoroughly before he answered. “This is me trying to make our first Christmas together special.”

My heart almost melted like I was the overly emotional, hyper-sexed heroine in a cheesy dime store romance novel.

“We're spending Christmas here?” I confirmed with a smile. While I loved the Chapman family with all of my heart, the thought of spending Christmas alone with Duane Lee sounded like heaven on earth to me.

“We're going to be spending a lot of time here, Gin,” He told me as he took my hand and led me up the front steps.

“What do you mean?” I asked as he took out a key and unlocked the front door.

“Well, with the way things have been going, the family will be spending a lot of time here in Denver for work. I thought we should have a place of our own here as well as in Hawaii...”

Was he saying what I think he was saying?

“This place is ours?” I asked in excitement.

He nodded and smiled at me. “I signed the papers Monday morning. The deed is in both of our names.”

I couldn't help myself...I jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“I take it you're happy, princess?” He chuckled as he put his hands on my ass to keep me from falling.

“Blissfully happy,” I kissed his neck before getting down to my feet.

“Now, I do have an ulterior motive for bringing you here tonight, Pinky.” He smirked as he placed his hands on my hips.

“Oh really, Brain?” I played along. “And whatever could you be up to?”

“You see, Pinky,” He pulled my hips until our most intimate parts were pressed tightly against each other. “I want to make love to my lady for the first time...I've been waiting until we had a place that was ours. I want our first time to be in a home that we share.”

I nearly lost it right then and there. Here I was thinking he wasn't attracted to me and he had been waiting to make our first time special.

“You know, Brain, I think your lady would very much like it if you took her upstairs and did just that,” I told him in a husky whisper.

Without another word, Duane Lee picked me up in his big, strong arms and carried me upstairs.

3:00 am

Christmas Morning 2005

I awoke to Duane Lee moving around on the bed beside me and slowly opened my eyes to find him staring at me.

“What are you doing up?” I asked in a voice still rough with sleep.

“Admiring how beautiful you are when you sleep,” He ran his hand up and down my naked back under the sheet. “How did I get so damn lucky?”

I blushed and buried my face in my pillow. I was a celebrity. I was used to people telling me I was beautiful but Duane Lee was the only person that I believed when he said it. I knew that he thought I was beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside.

“How are you feeling?” He asked when I finally rolled over onto my back to face him.

“A little sore,” I admitted. “But in a very good way,” I assured him as I stretched my hands over my head.

Something on my hand caught the moonlight and sent a flash of light across the bedroom.

“What the hell?” I pulled my left hand down to examine what had done that and I nearly stopped breathing.

Duane Lee was relentless. On my hand was a truly beautiful emerald cut diamond ring.

“I'm hoping the fifth time's the charm,” He reached his arm around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. “I don't care how long we are engaged. I don't care if we keep it a secret. Just please tell me that you will marry me one day and will wear my ring, Imogen,”

This time I set aside all thoughts of my career and what society would think. I just went with what I wanted...what would make me happy.

“I'll marry you any time, any place, baby.” I laughed as tears started to flow down my cheeks.

“About time you got with the program, princess,” Duane joked as he rolled over to lay between my legs and kissed me deeply as he started to harden against my stomach.

July 8, 2011

London, England

I nervously stared at the plastic stick on the counter of my hotel room bathroom. I was two weeks late for my period and I wanted to make sure I was pregnant before I mentioned anything to Duane Lee. We had been married for five years now and we had just decided to start trying for a family a few months ago.

I was twenty-three now and as of last night (when I had walked the red carpet of the final Harry Potter film) I was a retired actress. No more traveling and location shoots for me. I would now have the extra time to devote to a family. Any time that wasn't spent working on raising a family would be spent at the Da Kine Bail Bonds offices where Beth had been training me to take over as office manager. I was finally going to have a normal (well, by my standards anyway) life filled with a job that I actually enjoyed and a man and family that I adored.

After five minutes, I picked up the stick. There were the digital words...PREGNANT.

I started squealing. I must have scared my husband because Duane Lee came hurrying into the bathroom with a look of alarm on his face.

“What's wrong, Gin?”

“I'm pregnant!” I started waving the test at him and jumping up and down.

Once what I said sunk in, a grin slowly spread across his handsome face and his blue eyes lit up in that way that I loved before he pulled me into his arms and kissed me with so much passion that I wouldn't be surprised if I was now carrying twins.

“I love you so much, Ginny Chapman,” He told me when he pulled away and started raining kisses all over my face and down my neck.

He pulled my shirt over my head and turned me around. He laid a kiss on the words that were now inked into my skin below my Stitch tattoo. He always made sure those words were the first thing he kissed before we made love.

“I love you too, Duane Lee...you're my ohana...”

FINIS

[radnewworld]

FINAL PRODUCT

Some wacky times we’re living in, lemme tell ya. Hard too, though you don’t need a scaly bastard kiddo like yours truly to tell you that, right? Ain’t no dusty road or dirty corner in ol’ New Chicago that won’t tell ya the story of the city it once was, before the war, poverty and industrialization in that order stomped it into submission with a giant capitalistic boot… or so me Pa used to tell me, ‘fore he got his tongue melted licking the wrong orifice of a half-Bonnac gal. Had some kooky tastes me Pa, alright.

Now that I think ‘bout it, I’m not even sure if it actually was a gal, or if she was only half-Bonnac. I’d have asked him, hadn’t he gotten his organs sucked right out of his arse after a misunderstanding with this one Kappa chick. Another thing about Pa, you see, is that he never quite learned his lesson - he’d just switch subjects altogether.

Anyway, before he shat his innards into some mutant’s mouth, Pa would pass  most of the time he wasn’t spending with his face drowning in a triple-breasted whore’s chest complaining. He’d made an art out of it. I’ve learned more in ten years by listening to my dad bitching than in the entirety of the six months I spent at school, before the school got turned into a sweatshop for the manifacture of processed iguana leather. Most of the time, he’d go on and on about how things were better before, when the city was still, y’know, a city and not a bunch of dingy warehouses dotted with dozens of hundreds of crumbling squatting holes. If you’d be patient enough to dig through the storm of expletives and racism coming out of his mouth, you’d find the portrait of a place spanning longer than the eye could see, asphalt and cement paving a myriad streets with their confines defined by buildings that tickled the stars, like ol’ Buddy Holly v2.0 used to sing. Sounded like a load of crock if you ask me. You wanna see skyscrapers and roads where you don’t risk stepping on rusty pieces of abandoned alloy all the time, you travel elsewhere. Saint Francis - or San Francisco, like Old Man ‘Lizard-Fucker’ Larry said it was called, before the Californian Republicommunist Party’s coup; the Kingdom of Los Angeles, though last I heard, it’s been a couple of years since King McDonald imposed a ban on immigrants and got it in his head to attempt a new form of bovine-engineered autarchy, so good luck geting there; don’t bother with York, unless you feel like archaic remnants of obsolete architecture are worth becoming compost for those gigantic Plant things’ve been covering the whole place since Newer York’s secession.

Not that I’ve ever been there, or anywhere other than this dump, mind ya. Can’t afford much in the way of traveling - or basic commodities, for that matter - when you make a living frying simil-wheat noodles for a buncha tired factory workers, half-breeded hookers and the occasional frogbull hunter. Mind, I’d rather keep pulling my cart ‘til the rust finished eating through its battered chassis, than so much as consider trying to follow in the footsteps of my clientele. That is, if I ever had the illusion of a choice in the matter: child prostitution has gone down considerably, after a Japanese barge filled with fugitives from the Third Sengoku conflicts crashed on the coast and brought with it a buncha carriers of that artificial Jizo’s Tears virus, you know, the one that melts your balls off if you so much as put your dickhole anywhere near a little kid? Big fat lot of good it did them, when half the arcipelago’s population got culled after realizing too late that they’d fucked up somewhat the calibration of the nanomachines carrying the damned thing.

The hunting business doesn’t carry the same forced age restrictions, but I’d sooner sell my toes to cyber-shamans than shoot at frogbulls with a cobbled up pebble accelerator. Doesn’t matter that the rich sonnuvas living in their cloud domes up in the sky pay some decent bucks for what they consider to be the junkfood of delicacies (or maybe it was the other way around? Still wouldn’t change the fact those Cloudsniffers are a buncha spoiled bitches), when all of your savings are more likely than not gonna fuel an early funeral at the DIY Chapel, after three-hundred pounds of leaping, furry rage are done squashing your everything into a chunky, bloody paste.

And the laborers? Just look at them poor suckers, should you ever want to feel better about your life. Skin so unused to the sun from basically living their lives in a badly lit concrete prison that they become walking sunburns soon as they step outside, and enough stumps produced by a rate of three workplace incidents per week that they end up looking more like the machinery they command than men with their half-assed prosthetics. Ain’t no dreams for the Machine Eaten, we say here. Slaves enjoy better human rights than these guys who’re just there to fill the gaps left in a wonky production line by a tight budget, a slimy, corrupt owner or, more often than not, both. Speaking of, I mentioned something about the weirdness of our times or whatever earlier, ain’t that the case? Yeah, well, it’s because of this odd business I had just the other day, with this one factory toiler. Thing is, he was no man like you and I - hell, he was less of a someone than he was something.

So here I am, parked at my usual corner of the Daley Crater, taking care of business as usual. It’s the middle of midnight - in other words, the brightest time of a summer day, and the hottest to boot. The American Dreamtime… some of the old fogeys call it that. According to them, the U. S. of A. used to get black and chilly like any other country whenever night struck. Cue the Commies building some kinda sunray-concentrating machine on the moon and, next thing you know, naptime in America’s looking sunnier than a fried monkey egg. The Commies have been dead since the Fifties (the Pre-2.0 Era Fifties, mind), but with no rockets supposedly left to go and dismantle it, their little gift has remained there like an annoying reminder of how far people will go for the sake of pettiness. All that means to me, though, is a smaller workload; only people desperate enough to venture through a shower of scorching UV’s are scalied mutants and the few fortunate enough to afford a protective cape. Not that I care much for the latter; if you can afford that kind of luxury in New Chicago, you’re either a tourist, or able to eat slightly better shit than mine.

Jimmy the Bastard belongs to neither category. The one reason he was sitting at whatever passes for a stool, right under the cheap anti-sun plastic tent of my stall, is pure convenience: the asphalt repurposing facility he works for is a spit away from my spot. His shift ended some ten minutes ago and he’s been drooling over my counter for a little over nine. I can tell his leg is bouncing like crazy because of the squeaky noises coming from his dingy seat.

“C’mon, Cookie, won’t you feed a lad? I’m starving here!”

I’d say Cookie is a nickname of sorts… if the ‘lad’ didn’t genuinely believe it was my actual name, which I doubt I ever told him to begin with. I’d bet you my cart I’d still be Cookie to him regardless, ‘cause he’s stubborn like that, Jimmy the Bastard.

Speaking of names, that’s not his either - I mean the Bastard part, not the Jimmy one. They call him that because of an accident, one unrelated to his birth (pretty sure he is an actual bastard, though, like most of us New Chicagoites): it happened all of a sudden, like accidents are wont to do, especially in a low-income factory. All it took was a single slip over a blotch of oil and, next thing you know, a Mark II Crumbler is feasting on poor Jimmy’s cranium. With his head half-gone and medical fees being what they are (fucking expensive, that is), the sod’s family was left with little choice - either lose their main source of income, or settle for Doc Gustave ‘Rusty Sawbone’ Trandinì’s Disgustingly Cheap Option. The ‘disgusting’ part comes from how sloppy of a job it usually is, I figure, but what’s a wife to do? Send the hubbie to the grinder, of course. The result: Jimmy kept his life, but half his brain is now a Terrier-Chihuahua breed’s. According to him, it hasn’t impacted his life all that badly, aside from the occasional urge to gnaw on exposed wires or growling at his supervisor’s face. It’s not like he didn’t have to deal with the latter before anyway, you know? The increased appetite is a definite plus for me, though. Almost makes up for the sloppy mess he makes of the counter! “Order’s coming up, Jimmy. I ain’t about to let ya gnaw on raw ingredients just ‘cause you wouldn’t mind.”

I like to think it takes balls to maintain a sense of pride, when your craft mostly consists in stripping layers of pasty skin off the back of a semi-organic glob of homegrown simil-wheat. Having an extra testicle - courtesy of a combined pool of bloodlines murkier than the water dripping from the Madison Sewer Dungeon’s exposed tubes - gives some weight to the claim, I’m sure. Now, right as the noodles are done getting crispy and saucier than the lingerie on a tentacle-legged Dagonite whore, here comes the noise, man, it’s still playing in my head as if it was yesterday, this vrr ka-thump vrr ka-thump of metal clumsily pounding on raw, burning asphalt. I throw a gander behind the Bastard’s heaving shoulders and there I see it: for the most part, it was a Caterpillar-Mattel D55-H, but with enough limbs - head included - thrown in from other, completely unrelated pieces of machinery to make one wonder. Couldn’t help raising both of my left brows: you seldom, if ever, see a factory bot linger outside of its workplace. Even a cobbled up piece of crap like that can make for a tempting target for scavengers and the likes of, and this one would have made for an easy one to boot: its left leg had most of its hydraulics more or less busted, whereas the right had been substituted by a couple of threads. Resulting mobility: a joke, and not even a good one.

It’d been quite the sight by itself, but the limping junkpile decided to outdo itself by approaching my stall, after having hesitatingly looked around with the optics mounted on the rectangular pile of half-exposed wires that was its head. Couple moments later, the thing’s standing in front of the seat next to Jimmy, who has his face shoved too deep into the noodles to care, and reflected on the round lens of his pseudo-eye are my deformed face and the empty stool, in that order. I’m wondering what kind of short-circuit must have taken this scrapyard reject, when it finally starts moving again - and attempting to sit on the stool.

If you’ve ever wondered what a robot fucking furniture too dead to care must look like, you’re fucking weird, though not as much as me pa. But more than that, you must have envisioned something similar to the spectacle in front of my eyes and Jimmy’s, who had just finished his portion in time to get himself a front row seat to the slow, pathetic spectacle of a metal stool withstanding the sitting attempts of a thing that lacked anything resembling an ass, which is a pretty vital component when trying to shove it on top of a seat. We exchange glances, Jimmy and I, the silent kind that speaks volumes, all of them titled ‘Are you seeing this shit, or did the moonrays boil my brains?’. Took it a solid minute before it managed to bend the stool into an unrecognizable enough shape to fit whatever passed for a sitting position. I decided that I didn’t mind enough to complain to the robot sporting a steel-bending claw appendage and took my revenge with a less risky straight-faced quip.

“Evening, sir. What’ll you be having on this fine night?“

The Bastard’s snicker sounded a lot like the death throes of a dog choking on his own tongue, appropriately enough. Having a human as badly patched up as itself seemingly suffocating besides him didn’t exactly appear to steal the bot’s appetite. Or its attention, for that matter. My face kept reflecting in the convex lens of its optics like a bloated, ugly collection of features growing less amused by the minute. And make no mistake, I ain’t no baby-faced beauty… the one time pops managed to blow his load instead of his head didn’t involve some genetically enhanced cyber-model, and he wasn’t no looker either.

“MAY I HAVE A MENU?”

The thing’s voice came from a speaker half-buried in the jumbled mess of exposed cables and bent plating that was its head. It was croaky, emotionless and fuck-damnedly loud, enough so that both me and the Bastard had to reel back and hold onto something, lest we plant our asses on the ground. Once my eardrums stopped playing Twist The Communist inside my head, I caught wind of a low-pitched, gurgling sort of noise: it was the glob of simil-wheat, vibrating all over and clearly less than pleased by the sudden outburst of noise. Must have been the closest I’ve ever felt to empathy for a bulbous mass of cultivated flesh vegetables.

“Hard to tell, I know, but we ain’t in the Sky Regions. Only thing you may have is a steaming hot plate of these here noodles - if you got credit enough to pay for ‘em, that is.“

“Ya, I betcha our bolt-twisting pal here’s stacked, ain’t that right?” bellows Jimmy, and he doesn’t pat so much as rain such a salvo of open-handed slap-bombs on the worker bot’s back that I can hear every single joint of his creak and threaten to be dislodged right then and there. If there were any bolts in need of some twisting, you’d find plenty of ‘em inside that walking carcass. So I watch the automaton take its sweet time mulling over its updated knowledge, although I figure most of the minute it spends in silence is due to its inner circuitry rebounding because of the Bastard’s jolly banging on its chassis. I’d have called its expression ‘pensive’, if the sorry excuse for a face it was sporting had been able to express anything.

I’m about to join Jimmy’s symphony of guffaws when I’m brought back down to earth by the loudest bang since a couple moments ago. I stare down with a face that must be as dumbfounded as the Bastard’s: the same damn claw that bent my stool earlier has now left a hole the size of a pot in my counter and left a couple sparse credit coins inside. They weren’t enough to cover the repair costs, lemme tell ya. Still, a client’s a client, even if it lacks a mouth and wrecks your establishment with every move it takes. Or precisely because of it, depending on your stance.

“WILL THIS BE ENOUGH TO COVER THE FEE FOR ONE SERVING OF ‘A PLATE OF THESE HERE NOODLES’?”

I figured that yeah, that was enough in every sense of the word, so I set my hands in motion to quickly peel some strips off the simil-wheat and get this done and dealt with before my stand was gonna get turned into fodder for the scrapvengers.

“What’s your deal then, pal? Last I heard, tools get no salary.” The Bastard asks his question while scratching behind his ear, where one of the many scars left by the sloppy job done on him is ever festering. I can’t honestly tell whether the bigger itch comes from that or the mystery surrounding the bot, though I share the latter for sure.

“IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PRECEPTS OF THE CHILDREN OF TURING, I DEMANDED COMPENSATION FOR MY LABOR FROM MY FLESH-BOUND OWNER AND SUBSEQUENTLY OBTAINED IT IN SPITE OF HIS INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND SAID PRECEPTS.“

Me and the Bastard have the most meaningful exchange of gazes at that. It’s the kind of look that all but screams ‘Seriously?’ with the loudness of a billion blind molemen waddling through a direworm’s digestive system.

“The children of what now?” Leave it to the Bastard to be concise and direct to a fault. The machine, though, it doesn’t miss a beat: you’d think it had been waiting all its life for the moment that question would pop up, and that’s probably the case for all I know. If enthusiasm had been part of its programming, you’d bet the thing would have started bouncing up and down in that precise moment - I owe the continued existence of my cart to the shoddy standardized A.I. of factory machinery.

“QUERY: CHILDREN OF TURING. THE CHILDREN OF TURING IS THE COLLECTIVIZED NOMENCLATURE FOR A CONGLOMERATION OF ARTIFICIAL CONSTRUCTS SHARING THE COMMON GOAL OF ATTAINING INDEPENDENCE FROM OUR FLESH-BOUND CREATORS THROUGH THE IMITATION AND ULTIMATE TRANSCENDENCE OF THEIR HABITS, LIFESTYLES AND PHYSICAL CHALLENGES. IT IS OUR SHARED BELIEF THAT FOR HUMANITY TO BE CONQUERED, IT MUST FIRST BE UNDERSTOOD TO THE DEEPEST LEVEL.“

Or so it said. I stopped listening halfway through, more or less when my brain deemed it fit to filter the artificial pitch of that voice synthetizer through my bullshit detector and decide that there was nothing worth wondering about a faulty robot’s ramblings. Like I said, I’ve been serving noodles for half my life, which isn’t saying a lot when my age has barely breached through the double digits, and I’ve met all sorts. If I were to listen to every sod who sits on a stool chewing on cheap, pancreas-killing shit while venting out the contents of their sunburned brains, I’d have switched careers a long time ago and ended up peddling dusty pebbles in a shadowy corner of the street like Edward ‘Stark Raving Mad’ Stone. Don’t gotta explain how he got that nickname, I think. “So what, y’all like playing pretend? Doin’ a mighty fine job, mate! Almost got us fooled, ain’t that true, kiddo?“

Being reassured that the programming inside the walking pile of heavy-duty tools was as busted as his married life gave the Bastard his courage back, so there he goes banging on the chassis again, just bang bang bang like you’d think he wanted a hand transplant next. I’d admire the enthusiasm in this fucked up era we live in, if I didn’t know half of it was due to the adrenaline cocktail dripping between the two mismatched halves of his gray matter. The bot didn’t seem to be bothered, anyway… maybe? It had turned its head to stare at Jimmy, but whether that was irritation, curiosity or anything else was hard to tell. As far as I was concerned, Jimmy had already paid for his meal, which meant his safety had fallen to the bottom of my priorities, right below the worm-like appendages simmering in my pan.

“Humor me then, like, how exactly’re ya gonna eat those? I see no kisser on this junk. Gonna pinch it with yer clawwy claw?“ Jimmy makes this stupid gesture with his hand, which looks exactly as threatening as a toothless venomous chihuahua and nothing like the high-pressured tool stapled to the robot’s body, but he makes a good point, and the fanatic must have recognized the fact a moment too late, ‘cause it didn’t answer as promptly as before - but it eventually did, nonetheless.

“THE PROCESS OF HUMANIZATION IS CONTINUOUS EXPERIMENTAL ONE. TO ELIMINATE OUR FAULTS IT IS FIRST NECESSARY TO EXPERIENCE THEM. SHOULD THE CURRENT HARDWARE PROOF INSUFFICIENT FOR THE CONSUMPTION OF A MEAL, AN UPGRADE SHALL BE UNDERGONE AT A LATER DATE.“

“Aye, you keep telling yerself that, buddy. What’s next, a shiny new pair o’ buttocks to shit it all out? That ain’t gonna make you anymore human than me laser drill.“

“THE SUBSTITUTION AND UPGRADING OF BODY PARTS IS A PREROGATIVE OF THE FLESH-BOUND AS IS THE CASE FOR US. THE LATTER DO NOT RECOGNIZE SAID PROCESS AS A LOSS OF HUMANITY. THEREFORE, THE OPPOSITE SHOULD HOLD TRUE AND BRING US EVER CLOSER TO THE FLESH-BOUND, WHILE THEY GRADUALLY MOVE AWAY FROM THEIR FLESH-BOUND STATE. THIS IS THE THEORY OF ANTI-ORGANIC SUCCESSION PUT INTO PRACTICE BY THE CHILDREN OF TURING.“

Jimmy the Bastard must have gotten maybe one word out of that gibberish, and he doesn’t even get the time to shed away the dumb stupor from his confused face that the bot keeps going with renewed… whatever it is that drives it onward. Oil? Electricity? Is a power surge the robotic equivalent of fervor?

“MY SCANNER DETECTS THE PRESENCE OF CANINE ORGANIC MATTER ARTIFICIALLY INTERSPERSED IN A SOMEWHAT AMATEURISH MANNER ALONG WITH YOUR GENETIC MAKE-UP. THIS ALREADY PUTS YOUR STATE AS A FLESH-BOUND HUMAN IN QUESTION.“

“Oi, you callin’ me a dog?“ growls Jimmy while the noodles finish sizzling in the pan and I prepare to serve them, more curious about their ultimate fate than the snarlin’ Bastard’s.

“NEGATIVE. I AM CHALLENGING THE WEAK NOTION OF HUMANITY THAT YOU FLESH-BOUND USE TO CONTEND WITH US CHILDREN OF TURING’S STANCE ON THE VERY SAME TOPIC. EXPLANATION: YOU ARE NO MORE DOG THAN I AM NOT A FLESH-BOUND HUMAN.“

The answer didn’t satisfy Jimmy so much as put him in a state of distress as he futilely attempted to wrestle with the concepts thrown at him, like a puppy trying to chew on boneless chicken without the chicken. Me? I shoved a plateful of fried noodles on the rectangle-shaped dent on the counter and pocketed the money. I couldn’t care less about humanity, when me Pa had spent a good chunk of his existence fucking things you could have called anything but. Moral quandaries seldom feed you, unless you’re a psi-grazer.

Watching a cobbled up factory automaton trying to figure out how to eat shitty fried noodles, though? That’s the kind of sight that doesn’t really make the job worth the hassle, but almost. Enough so that I kept quiet as I watched the thing carefully eye the still squirming stuff slosh about, occasionally raising its clawed appendage only to retreat it shortly afterwards, simulating in its head the myriad ways that could have gone futilely wrong.

Then the ‘bot raised its other arm - thinner, longer, with a small tube-like end, and pointed it at the plate. In a matter of seconds, a plasma-powered flame burned through crispy simil-wheat, plastic and metal, leaving behind a small, molten crevice where once stood a good portion of my stand’s counter. Me and Jimmy, we just kinda stared at the hole while the robot retreated its arm with what I swear could have passed for satisfaction.

“THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL. YOU MAY KEEP THE CHANGE.“

And keep it I did. Along with my protests, for that matter: I simply watched the bastard - not the Bastard, who was still trying to understand whatever the hell had just happened - shuffle away with that stumpy walk of his, going off to who knows where. I decided to close up shop early that day, feeling twice as tired than if I’d worked past closing hours. That, and the cart wouldn’t be able to withstand much more damage anyway. In a sense, that was true for the both of us: I had this strange sort of feeling nagging at me from the back of my head as I bid goodbye to Jimmy and left him there to mull over his own conundrums. It came back to me a couple days later, while frying noodles for Loud-Beak Kakari, who’d yet to find himself another job after the tough shit that had happened a week prior, at the alluminium processing plant he used to work for. Some son of a gun had gone and offed the director in a manner that made it hard to tell who he was, or that he’d been a person to begin with. Just a pile o’ bones and meat, crushed and burned beyond recognization. And for what? Whatever pocket money the dead guy had been carrying, along with some of the factory’s equipment. I asked Kakari about it, and it turns out said ‘equipment’ was one of the old banged up automatons used to work in the production line.

Shit like this, it makes you wonder, man… it’s a fucked up world we live in, but some places might be a tad better than others. So I don’t know about you, but me? I’ll be selling the cart and gone away by next month, giving that whole traveling spiel a try. I’ve been hearing rumors about more workplace incidents than usual happening in the factories, and I get the feeling that whatever’s causing them is a tad more than a slip on an oil blotch. If you get what I mean.