#then had to lie down on the couch because my stomach hurt. and fell asleep again for the rest of the day.

[running-in-the-dark]

annnnd I slept all day again.... 😬

that's 12 hours. I was awake for 3 before that. and slept for 8 hours before that.

yeah I don't know I think I'm giving up.

[crazyxshit]

Nighttime Activities.

my blog is 18+ (minors dni) & remember you’re responsible for your own media consumption. 

likes, comments & reblogs are appreciated!

words: 2.3k

warnings: NSFW! slight breeding kink, penetration, oral sex, slight choking kink, angry sex with Matt! (argument about his daredevil activities)

mcu masterlist | nav

It was twelve am. You knew he had responsibility for his city. He was the infamous Devil of Hell's Kitchen. You knew, appreciated, and were patient about his identity. It took a long time for him to even tell you who he was even though you had your suspicions.

Even now, you could tell that he regretted telling you at times. You hated that he felt like that. That he had to push away everyone in his life for this life. You never let him push you away though. Every time he tried you tracked him down and didn't give up until he told you what was happening.

What you hate the most was waiting. The waiting for him to show up bloody, bruised, and limping. It scared you half to fucking death because you loved him so much. You were the one who would bandage him up and clean his cuts after all. As of lately, he seemed to barely be getting away with the type of people he's been dealing with.

Sitting on his couch, your nervous leg bouncing up and down as you bit down on your lower lip staring absently at your phone you waited. and waited.

It was nearing two am and you don't know when you fell asleep but the sound of a crash startled you. Fuck. Don't let it be anyone else but Matt you secretly prayed.

As you pulled yourself up from the couch, Matt's voice said your name which quickly reassured you. "What are you doing here?" He grunted out, taking off his headpiece while almost collapsing on a chair.

You quickly got out your medical supplies and placed them on the table, quickly getting to work on patching him up. There was blood on the side of his lip, as he clutched his side, giving away the fact he probably had a bruised rib. At least it wasn't that bad. That sucked for you say.

"Waiting for you," a sigh following the sentence as you clean the blood from his lip. "You should've gone home, I could do this myself." He hisses the sentence out defensively, causing you to roll your eyes. "Matt, we discussed this. Stop trying to push me away. It won't work." You tell him, placing a bandage on his ribs. He would need to rest but you knew more often than not, he wouldn't.

"Maybe it should." The three words ceased your actions. You knew he was just saying shit off the top of his head but you couldn't help to be hurt and angry. Why did he have to act so stupid at times? He walked past you, throwing his shirt somewhere standing in a pair of boxers.

"Shut up." You spit back, closing your medical kit, letting his words go into one ear through the other.

He sits on the leather chair in the middle of the room, his absent eyes looking in your direction. "You know I'm right. This is bad for you. You shouldn't have to worry about your boyfriend fighting crime at all hours of the night. Maybe you should go. Go find someone who can actually make you happy. Who can lie beside you and someone who you don't have to fight their war." He says the words with such ease it makes you sick to your stomach.  You knew he knew you loved him.

"God, you're an asshole. You know I love you. I don't want anyone else. I want you Matt Why can't you understand that? Why do you think you're so unlovable? That pushing away people are the solution. You did it to Foggy and Karen and now me." You knew you were calling him out. But you didn't care.

The tension in the chair was firey and tense. The air seemed to bubble up, the electricity between you both palpable. It burned hot, bright, and searing. Like at any point things could explode. In which they did.

Matt stands up and grips your jaw with one of his hands. "You don't know what you're talking about." He whispers, his voice filled with rasp and anger. The sudden action leaves you breathless. Matt's face was so close to yours all you could do was stare into his roaming eyes. Suddenly, you were trying extremely hard to be angry, but your body betrayed every thought. You willed yourself to stop the beating in your core and swallowed the dryness that seemed to fill your mouth.

"I do know what I'm talking about. I love you. And you love me. So stop acting as if people leaving you is going to help your heroic agenda." Softly whispering it. You didn't trust yourself to say anything more, afraid you were going to give up your rapidly beating heart and the wetness between your legs.

He didn't say anything just licked his lips. Fuck he wasn't helping. Then he fucking kisses you. Were you still mad? Yes. Were you going to sidetrack this argument? Yes.

Everything happens in an instant. His hand travels to your hair and then to your neck not squeezing just holding you possessively. His smooth lips attack yours, biting and licking at them. As he tugs on your hair roughly causing you to gaps, he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth.

There's a short battle of dominance while you, interlock your hands, gripping his hair to pull him closer to you. It takes everything in you to not melt like putty in his hands.

He doesn't stop kissing you as he directs you both to his bed. Ripping your shirt off, unclasping your bra. His hands traveled all over. Your hands go from roaming over his bare chest to tugging on his hair. He does the same, tugging on your hair causing you to moan for him. Fondling with your breasts so he could hear your angelic whimpers. He wanted it all from you.

You were like his drug. One he couldn't get enough of. He wanted to worship your body, take his time with marking you. Matt knew his thoughts alone would condemn him but he secretly wanted to ruin you for anyone else. He tried to push you away so much, but each time you came back causing him to fall in love with you more and more each time.

He pushes you onto the bed, taking off your pants and panties in one motion. "You smell so sweet." He grunts against your skin-- licking, sucking, doing whatever he could do to leave his mark on your skin.

"Matt, please. I need you." You practically whimper for him. He makes his way higher--not giving you a warning before he delves deep into you. He works you with his tongue as he slips one finger into you slowly. Your hands immediately find his brown hair tugging on it, drawing him impossibly closer to you.

"Fuck. Matty." The words break out from you. You crave every second his warm tongue and finger are inside you. The feeling makes your body hot and your entire lower body seems to pulse with every passing second. You couldn't string together words just desperate moans and pleas for the man below you.

He speeds up, he slows down, he takes his time bringing you to your orgasm. He switches paces, going slow when he hears your heartbeat rapidly beating. He slips one finger inside you, curling it so it fills you to the brim. But goes fast as soon as your heartbeat relaxes. He adds two of his fingers, pounding them into your hold relentlessly as he draws your climax out, fucking you with his tongue and fingers in ways you've never felt. Sex with Matt has always been good but what he was doing felt different. Like he was ruining you for anyone else.

Matt knew you were on the edge of release. The way your pulse quickened to the way your legs wrapped around him, trying to suffocate his head between your legs. How your hips dug more into the bed like you were trying to escape his mouth. Gripping your hips he held you in place as he's let his tongue alone reach places even you were unaware of.

"Oh my god." You barely breathe out, your climax hitting you like a train as your eyes roll to the back of your head and your body goes weak. Matt smirks against you, liking his hips and spreading kisses all over your body a mix of his saliva and you.

He kisses your hips, making sure to suck and bite at the skin so it leaves marks. He trails up from there to between your breasts, gripping one of them with his hand, and sucking the other.

"Your body was made for me," Matt says, taking your breast into his mouth. You couldn't respond, the feeling so euphoric so you replied with a pleasurable moan. He smirks against your skin, switching from one breast to another, making sure to give each part of your body an equal amount of attention.

He eventually moves up from your chest, kissing your cheek "We're just getting started sweetheart." You look at him, fully out of your lustful phase. Sure enough, a mischievous smirk was on his face.

You catch on to what he says as his hard-on pressed into your thigh. "Did eating me out get you off?" A seductive tone took presence in your voice. It was your turn to smirk now. He chuckles, kicking off his boxers before bringing his face close to your ear. "Your pussy gets wet at the sight of me, so yes it does get me off." He states calmly but his deep voice says whispers, arising goosebumps all over your skin. Fuck he had you there.

He moves back to grip your leg, running his hand over your exposed pussy, collecting the wetness from it onto his hand to lather it to prepare his cock. His head drops, his hair covering his face a bit and It was a fucking hot sight to see.

He roughly but softly grips you closer to him by your throat, slamming his lips onto yours. His tongue slides in your mouth--tasting a hint of yourself. This kiss itself felt like magic. The type of kiss that makes you weak at your knees. The type of kiss that makes a knot form in your stomach. It's a kiss that makes you drunk on the feeling of whirlwind burning romance.

He grunts against your mouth, applying a small amount of pressure on the hand around your throat. Disconnecting from the kiss he presses his head against yours, both of you panting slightly. Tightening his bruising grip on your leg, he stables it around him while pushing you onto your back, your foreheads still pressed against one another slipping inside you in one smooth motion.

You moan as Matt grunts, the pleasure of your bodies connecting with each other. He moves slightly making sure to not cause you any discomfort. You guys could fuck non-stop but you could never adjust to the size of him. His dick seemed to find new ways to pierce your body from the inside and out.

"Do you feel us." Matt whispers, almost panting the words. "Yes." The short sentence squeaks out from you. "The way I slip in and out so easily." His sinful words only seem to make you wetter. You moan out a small pleasurable sound.

It wasn't enough. You wanted more. Wanted him closer. "Matt more. Please." You were shamelessly begging. You wanted your high. Craving it. "Use your words, sweetheart."He spat out. He started slowing down, knowingly teasing you until you specified what you wanted.

"Please. Fuck me. Harder. Faster. Anything please." You begged, gasping between each sentence. You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling his face to yours, wrapping your legs around his lower body. Desperately doing anything you can to bring him closer.

His body against yours was a feeling you dwelled in. He began a brutalizing pace, filling you in a completely different way. You could feel him everywhere. Your body was on fire and it was like he reached your stomach, fucking you in the best way possible. Bending your body in a bendable way that only he could do. His pace was hard and rough almost like he was punishing you with his cock.

"I'm going to fill you to the brim. I'm going to ruin you for anyone else. Your mine and mine alone." He emphasizes each word, each promise with a hard thrust. "Your close sweetheart. Come all over me. Give me everything you have to offer." He fucks you harder, despite also being close.

Your vision turns white, your body tetters on the edge of bliss as you scream out an "Oh god." finishing all over Matt. He fucks you through your orgasm, not giving you a second to breathe until he's satisfied himself. He does exactly what he wanted to do, finishing inside you and taking a moment to recollect himself.

He eventually peels himself off you and you didn't even realize he went anywhere until he comes back opening your legs to clean between your thighs. You sigh contently from being so sensitive. "Was I too harsh?" The concern in Matt's voice clearly evident.

"No, no." You try to reassure him, not knowing if he even heard you from how low your voice was. A moment later he slips next to you in bed. "I'm sorry, for the record. I love you and I know nothing I can do to make it up to you but I-" You cut him off with a sweet and tender kiss, not letting him finish.

"I know Matty." You used the nickname you called him when you were serious about something. "And I love you more." You whispered, draping an arm around him, resting your head under his. The overwhelming tiredness took over your body and sleep took over before you could register the rest of what he said.

"Impossible. I'd leave this city before that ever becomes true."

[beyondspaceandstars]

The Wounded

Relationship: Steve Rogers x Reader [Dating], Bucky Barnes x Reader [Platonic] Warnings: mantions of kidnapping, slight depictions of PTSD, angst Summary: After you survive a kidnapping that ends up affecting you in ways you and Steve never anticipated, you turn to Bucky for comfort leaving Steve confused and insecure. A/N: alright this is an older one I had sitting on my computer i felt like uploading but very sorry for the lack of content! I am currently dealing with finals but this is my last year so fingers crossed i’ll have more time after this! Still, please enjoy this, I remember really enjoying writing it :)

Masterlist

You shot up in bed suddenly, praying your eyes would adjust to the pitch black darkness of your bedroom fast enough to ease your brain. As your heart raced and sides ached with bruises, you took in your surroundings finally.

You were in your bed, your boyfriend Steve sleeping peacefully next to you. You knew this in your brain but your heart didn’t. It still raced relentlessly, just a haunting reminder of your latest nightmare.

The nightmares always had the same theme. They always seemed to circle back to your troubling and scarring kidnapping you had suffered just a few weeks ago. It was a devastating ploy by some equally devastating men to get to your boyfriend. The abduction didn’t last very long — just about a week in some musty, dirty cell being kicked around — but the scars it left on your brain where so much deeper than you had ever realized until recently.

The physical abuse was bad but the bruises and cuts were healing just fine. It was the mental and emotional games they played that was going to take longer to ease. The words were haunting and they followed you in every crevasse of your brain, typically leaving you running on a couple of hours a sleep. It was a cruel routine: go to bed safe and sound, find peace for two hours, wake up in a cold sweat, watch mindless TV in the common area until breakfast.

Here we go, you thought as you made your way out of the bed. Steve was still undisturbed, in a peaceful dream sleep, typically unaware of your absence. The few times he had caught on you rushed him back to bed, claiming you just wanted a midnight snack. He never questioned it but his eyes always told you he wasn’t convinced. You ignored it — you just couldn’t tell him. The guilt he carried about your kidnapping was unbelievable. You worked so hard to convince him you were alright, it wasn’t ever his fault, and that the wounds were healing because you couldn’t bare to see those eyes in such a miserable state.

It really wasn’t a total lie — the wounds were swell and you wouldn’t dare to blame him for something not in his control — but then the nightmares started. The daunting voice began chiming in. The depression… the anxiety… the fear… it all came at once so unexpectedly.

You tugged on your fluffy robe along with your slippers and made your way to the kitchen. As you rounded the corner you were stunned to see the kitchen light already on. Peaking your head in, your eyes fell on Bucky who was situated at the kitchen island  snacking on some chips.

You stared, unsure of whether you should head to the living room and venture into the kitchen. No one had ever been up with you before and if they did, they never made themselves known.

"I can feel you staring, Y/N."

Bucky’s rough voice brought you out of your ridiculous phase. You sighed and made your way to the fridge.

"What are you doing up?" You asked, grabbing a carton of vanilla ice cream along with a spoon and making your way to the island. You stood opposite of him, watching and waiting for a reply as he crunched on the chips.

"Isn’t this the time you always get up?"

His question stunned you. Holding his intense stare, you placed your spoon on the counter next to the ice cream. Suddenly, your stomach was in a knot. Maybe a part of you didn’t want anyone to know what was going on.

"I just wanted a snack," You gave your go-to spiel but the ex-assassin wasn’t buying one bit of it.

"Every night?" Bucky scoffed. "Probably should eat a bigger dinner, then."

You rolled your eyes as he gave you his know-it-all smirk. You loved Bucky really —totally loved his company and all that — he had been such a great friend to you and so inviting but no matter what, without a fail, he could always pick up on anything that was off. Steve, of course, could see right through you but he always gave you the benefit of the doubt. He was gentler with you, never wanting to pry or upset you, and you were so thankful for that. But Bucky didn’t give a shit — if something was wrong he was gonna find out one way or another.

"Why are you up?" You repeated your initial question, getting a bit fed up with this now. He stalled your question and reached for more chips. You sighed in annoyance and opened the ice cream carton, digging into the creamy deliciousness.

"Something’s up with you," Bucky finally answered. His voice was a bit softer and way less cocky. Hearing someone express they saw you weren’t okay nearly had you in tears. You shoveled more ice cream in your mouth, staring down at the granite counter.

You shook your head. "Just wanted a snack."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N." Bucky groaned. "Come on, don’t make this hard." You placed your spoon in the carton, pushing it to the side. You fiddled with your nails as thoughts and feelings swarmed in your brain. It couldn’t hurt for someone to know, right?

"Nightmares," You spoke softly, voice cracking ever so slightly. "Just some bad nightmares."

"The kidnapping," He whispered. You saw his fists clinch at the mention of it. Your kidnapping had shocked everyone. They all had their own way of handling it but usually it was just a lot of confusion. You weren’t some hero. You didn’t have magical power or a fancy training. You were just a nurse who bandaged up the heroes when they came back. Even with dating Steve, no one expected you to be a casualty.

"It’s really messing with my brain," The words were rough to get out but once they were out there, you felt a new freedom. A weight you never realized was so heavy was being lifted so carelessly with words.

Bucky just nodded and waited for you to continue.

From then on, your nightly routine was no longer a lonesome thing. Bucky began joining you every night with snacks and a therapy session. It felt easy to talk with him about it especially since he understood. He didn’t have to pretend to know how you felt — he had felt it all, too. He got what being captive was like, how the mental manipulation went, how strong the effects of it all could be… You for once didn’t feel crazy. But most importantly — someone knew. Like really knew. And you were immensely grateful.

It seemed to be helping as well. You knew when the thoughts got rough, you could just spew it all out. You could talk about what exactly had happened to you without fear of being looked at differently. The whole thing was like breathing fresh air. You could even sometimes fall back asleep on the couch which now put your sleeping time up to four glorious hours.

The nightly chats really put your daytime spirits back up. So much so, Steve was getting a little suspicious. While he was so relieved you seemed to be doing better, the steps you took to get there were still a mystery to him and you could tell he was curious. When you’d join him in your shared room at the end of the day, he’d ask more questions about what you had done through the day. It was almost like he wanted a play-by-play and you did your best to comply.

It wasn’t until a week or so later that he started catching on to you leaving in the middle of the night. Without knowing it, he had used all his might to stay up one night to see if something was going on. You didn’t appear to be doing anything but work during the day so something must’ve been happening in the night — and that’s when his mind wandered. The thoughts of what could be helping you started to get a little unpleasant.

It was a random Tuesday night and you were on the couch with Bucky eating some pretzels. He was sitting up right while you were laying on the couch, legs thrown over his lap. You were going on about how your nightmares had gotten weaker when unexpected foot steps halted your words.

"What’s this?" The unmistakably strong voice of your boyfriend boomed through the living room. You scrambled to sit up, throwing pretzels all over the coffee table. Both stunned and unsure, you and Bucky stared at Steve. His demeanor was hard, his face unamused, and his eye said he was ready for a fight.

"Steve, babe, what-," You fumbled for your words, trying your best to reason. He hadn’t caught you two doing anything but his energy was so startling it made you unexplainably scared.

"What? What am I doing up? What are you doing up?" He marched towards the couch. Hesitantly, you stood up to face him. Bucky stayed seated, looking at you both with a slight expression of annoyance. He knew how possessive his best friend could get but this felt excessive.

"Just wanted a snack-,"

"Don’t bullshit me," Steve growled, taking an intimidating step towards you. You jumped at the harshness. Sure, you guys had had disagreements before but this was entirely new.

"I… I’m not… Steve-,"

Steve took a deep breath.

"Y/N," His voice got deeper. It was slightly too calm compared to his attitude just seconds before. "Tell me why you’re up at night sneaking around with my best friend."

"Sneaking around?!" You gasped. "Steve, that is not-,"

"OH, IT’S NOT?" Steve’s voice boomed throughout the common area. Even a watching Bucky jumped at the noise.

You quickly backed away from him, completely scared beyond belief. His eyes were harsh, his entire demeanor fuming with anger. You had never seen anything like this from him and it started to bring up the memories you worked so hard to heal from.

"Steve, man, take it down a notch…" Bucky finally stood from the couch and placed his hands on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve flinched back, nearly ready to throw one at Bucky, but something in him clicked. He lowered his hand and took a few deep breaths. Coming to his senses, he looked at you and saw the absolute horror on your face. He had never seen you look at him like that and it broke him into a million pieces.

"I… just… what the hell is going on?" Steve meant for it to come out nicer, but the harshness was yet to leave him and his tone. You started rubbing your hands together, a nervous tick you’ve had forever. Bucky tried to get you to stop when he noticed your movements, but Steve’s cold glare wouldn’t let him anywhere near you.

"I can’t sleep anymore," you said, breaking the silence with a much more powerful voice than you intended. You didn’t know you had the strength. "Ever since… I can’t sleep. I keep having these nightmares and Bucky’s been helping."

Steve scoffed, "Helping?"

Bucky rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Now you were getting weary of both super soldiers.

"We sit up talking," Bucky explained. "It helps her… well both of us, really, to talk, watch TV… anything."

"And you didn’t tell me this because…?" Steve asked, pointing his attention back on you. When his eyes met yours, a shiver went down your spine as his cold gaze. You sighed, realizing the gig was up.

"God, Steve, I didn’t wanna worry you!" You exclaimed. "The last thing you need is a girlfriend with PTSD. You go through enough shit and I just didn’t wanna pile it on."

The admission sat in the air heavily around you three. Bucky looked relieve you finally said something but Steve’s eyes just held so much confusion. Personally, you felt so much weight coming off you. You thought you’d never have to tell him, assumed everything would sort itself out, but no, you finally spoke up.

"Honey," Steve sighed with sudden tears forming in his eyes. "You didn’t… You shouldn’t have done that, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

You nodded, "Steve it was just so scary. I didn’t know what to do. Bucky was just there and he got it and would just sit up with me and-,"

"Alright, hon," Steve cut you off and made his way closer. Thankfully, you didn’t flinch away. "I understand and I’m glad you had someone, but I would’ve helped. I can help you, sweetheart."

"I’m sorry," You whispered as he pulled you into a hug. You threw your arms around his torso and buried your face in his chest, letting the pent up tears flow. Steve rest his chin on your head, stroking your hair softly.

"I didn’t know you were hurting this much," he admitted.

"It’s been so fucking scary,"

Steve could almost feel his heart breaking at the sound of your voice alone. Your words just piled on so much.

"I should let you two…" Bucky began, essentially forgotten standing next to you two. You pulled away from Steve to look at him.

"Thank you, Buck," you said.

Steve nodded in agreement. "I’m sorry for the overreacting I just… I thought the worst, but really you probably saved my girl."

Bucky gave a small smile and patted Steve on the back. "I didn’t do anything. It’s her strength you gotta thank."

With that, he made his way to the elevator and back to his room, leaving you two still standing in an embrace in the common area. You stared up at Steve, watching his expression towards you change. What was once so scary and harsh was back to the softest man you’d ever met.

"We’ll make some calls in the morning but for now, would you come back to bed?" Steve asked. "I can’t imagine anymore nights without you."

You nodded, giving him a peck on the lips. He led you back to the shared bedroom and for once, you went to bed with a sense of hope.

[gummygowon]

cute relationship things with ateez!

genre: fluff (a lot)

warnings: none :)

established relationship!

a/n: i meant to post this like two weeks ago but i never finished it so consider this an early valentine’s day gift <3 ;) 

seonghwa:

for some reason, i feel like seonghwa likes to read books

with that being said, on lazy days where you guys didn’t want to get up and do anything

you guys would read books !!!

before you guys would read some were recommendations from each other on your own

and then maybe rant to each other over little details about the book like how the main character went back to their toxic ex or how the ending of a book was so bad

“seonghwa, how did you even read this?!? the stupid ass main character keeps going back to that one jerk! like does she not realize she deserves more than his ugly ass???!!!?”

“y/n, just keep reading.” 

“but hwa-”

turns out the main character got with the other woman yayyyyy!!! fuck shitty men

i don’t know how it happened but you guys started your own little book club with each other

so you guys could finally talk rant together at the same time about the book

so since you guys started to read the same book and if you guys found down time together you would read together

like, imagine it’s a peaceful friday night

seonghwa is back from work and so are you

you guys already showered and ate dinner

you’re just reading and then seonghwa just scoops you up and then puts you in between his legs with your back against his chest

and you’re like “wtf bro?”

and he’s just like, “what? i wanna read too???”

“didn’t you like read ahead tho??”

“yeah, but i wanna read it again.”

that was a fatass lie

he just wanted to be close to you 

hongjoong:

ok so, we all know that this man is hella busy all the time

mans is the leader, song writer, producer, dancer, rapper (which is why he is good at all positions)

but you were patient with him and whenever he goes days without seeing you due to his busy ass schedule he would make it up to you yk what i mean

but on the more chill days when you saw hongjoong or even the days where he was cooped in his studio (you would visit him there because sometimes you just had to see him)

you guys would just lay on the couch, just enjoying each other’s presence and not feel like you have to make up for lost time

you would be on the bottom on your phone or reading a magazine/book

then hongjoong would be at the top with his head on your stomach as he would be writing down lyrics that came to mind

killing two birds with one stone you feel me

sometimes you would show him a funny meme that you found or quote something that you just read to him 

“hongjoong, look at the way he fell!” you would be dying of laughter

and then he wouldn’t notice because he was really roped into making lyrics 

but you also didn’t see him focusing so much because you were of course laughing at the kid that accidentally got bitchslapped off the couch because of their sibling

“joongie look!!!”

“what is it?”

you would then show him what happened and then he would look at with that “you really interrupted me for this??” type of look

“i just lost my train of thought for this song because you wanted to show me this kid falling off of a couch???” 

“yes?” 

he would just bring a hand to his face and think what tf? why tf? and then slowly start laughing because of what just happened

“see, wasn’t it funny?”

“a child getting hurt isn’t funny, y/n” he would laugh while scolding you

yunho:

yunho powers im sorry for this one

alright so, it’s night time 

you guys are about to go to bed after a long day or work/school whatever

your eyes are fluttering closed because the day got you beat beat

but then yunho just kisses your face

and then you open your eyes slowly again to see yunho look like he just got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do

like imagine a kid that just got caught drawing on the walls

that’s what his face would look like

he’s just laying there like “i thought you were asleep...”

“i was just about to...”

yunho feels lowkey guilty now because you’re awake now and he knows you had a long day

he just couldn’t resist kissing you 

you just looked so pretty and peaceful sleeping 

mans was reminded by the universe themself about how lucky he was being able to date you

like, godamn what did he do in his past life to deserve you?

ok, back to this reaction idea thing-

yunho would apologize for waking you up with his cheeks a nice rosy color

you just look at him with tired eyes 

“i’ll forgive you, if you give me more kisses.”

and yunho’s smile just lights up the whole damn room and he’s like oh? say less

so he goes to kissing your face

like all over

your nose

your cheeks

forehead

basically anywhere ok?

and you end up laughing because it tickles 

but you just want him to kiss your lips which he does 

... eventually lmao

but when he does your still laughing which causes him to laugh

he tells you “i love you, did you know that?”

and you get all flustered and shit but you still keep that playful energy around 

“i love you too, but you aren’t forgiven just yet”

which leads to more kisses :))))

yeosang:

ok so you’re now the busy one

yeosang has so much respect for you because holy shit how do you balance that busy ass schedule of yours

your homework loads were no jokes 

then to add to that you have a job which was even more stressful

it was amazing how you can manage all that and still keep a smile on your face

you also had major respect for yeosang as an idol

the industry was not a place to fuck around 

you couldn’t be happier that your boyfriend was lucky enough to have a group who actually cared and supported each other

speaking of ateez, yeosang isn’t the most touchy person in the world

you didn’t mind of course, you’re the same way

however, when he did give you cuddles and kisses you would be a blushing mess

a sort of rare sight that yeosang loved to see

anyways, one night you were busy writing those argumentative essays that you were sure that your fingers would fall off by the time you were finished

you were working on it ever since you got home from school (with the occasional food and bathroom breaks )to the time when yeosang came back from practice

you moved to your shared bed by the time the sweaty boy came home and he was surprised that you were working on one subject for so long

the stupid piece was almost finished by the time yeosang was out of the shower

however, you didn’t even notice

you were too immersed in your writing to notice

yeosang took this as an opportunity to sit behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and watch over your shoulder as you worked

and of course, he would kiss your cheek occasionally

this was super sweet gesture but yeosang but you didn’t the notice that he wrapped his arms around you

“ai yah! what the hell?” you yelled and turned around to see your boyfriend clutching his chest

“oh it’s just you.”

yeosang would give you a deadpanned look and be like, “yeah, who else tf???”

you would apologize and kissing his cheek before returning to back to work 

which yeosang would return to hugging your waist and keep his head on your shoulder

and give you occasional kisses on your cheek or neck

after that night, it became a weekly occurrence

which you loved of course, who wouldn’t love their bf cuddling them while they chased their bag

san:

i am very excited for this one

ok so, san loves playing with your hair

it’s just so much fun 

running his fingers through it or just attempting to braid it or put it into a tiny ponytail

he loved it

he would probably always play with your while you were watching tv together, sitting together in the car, or even before you guys fall asleep

then one day after san came home early from work 

you guys were chilling on the bed watching the latest k-drama that came out since san made you wait so you guys could watch it together

san was in between your legs with his back leaning against your chest 

and that’s when you decided to run your fingers through his soft, fluffy hair

that’s also when san asked you to braid his hair

“sure, what type of braid though?”

“there’s different kinds????” 

“yes, san. now pick one.” you gave him your phone that was pulled up to different types braids.

“i want the french ones. they sound fancy.”

you roll your eyes and start sectioning his hair into two sections and start braiding his hair and lightly pull on the pink strands because you know san likes his hair pulled

so you doing his hair right 

and you begin rambling about your day/week

talking about whatever interesting happened to you because you know that san likes hearing you talk no matter what it’s about

however, you were knee deep into talking about the latest drama at work that you didn’t even realize that san stopped talking

“san?”

he didn’t answer and his head would be dipping down so low you were surprised you didn’t fall over

“baby?”

san still wouldn’t respond to you 

but this time he just flipped over so his head would be on your stomach as he wrapped your arms around your stomach

“mmmmmmm?”

“nevermind love, just sleep.” 

he would respond by burying his head further into your stomach and tightened his hold around you

you kissed his head and ran your fingers through his hair which lulled san to sleep even more

“goodnight sannie.”

mingi:

you have been best friends with song mingi ever since you moved into the tiny neighborhood that you call home

it all started when your parents brought you over to your next door neighbor’s house for breakfast on a cold saturday morning 

you were extremely shy when you were little so the only thing you could remember about your first experience with mingi was hiding behind your mother’s leg for the first hour of being there and watching the young boy play with his toy cars and planes before he finally offered a pirate ship to you

ever since that unforgettable saturday, you pretty much spent the rest of your childhood with mingi

you guys were practically joined at the hip 

even when you were getting endlessly teased by your classmates for the first month of school for having an accent whenever you spoke 

which resulted in you running to the bathroom crying

not even a minute later, you heard someone burst through the girls’ bathrrom

“y/n?”

you peaked your head out of the stall to see your tall neighbor looking out of breath

“mingi, you aren’t supposed to be here!” you said in between sobs

“it’s okay, i don’t care.” he said as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around you. “are you okay?”

you shook your head no looking at him with tears running down your face

the poor boy was internally freaking out since he has no clue on how to comfort people (especially if they’re a girl)

he was like eight at the time give him a little break

so of course, his first reaction was to make you laugh somehow

and he did this by randomly recreating the “boots and cats, boots and cats” rhythm after seeing siri do it in a youtube video and started to bop his head 

surprised by his sudden movements, you laughed out of pure confusion

as soon as mingi saw the corner of your lips flip upwards he began rapping faster to the point where he was gasping for breath leading him into a coughing fit 

“mingi you can breathe, y’know!” you giggled in between words

after the young boy had caught his breath from hacking away at his lungs, he smiled at you 

until- the teacher had came into the bathroom, scolding mingi for going into the girls’ restroom

even though mingi didn’t care at all that he got in trouble, the only thing he cared about was that you were feeling better

ever since then whenever you were sad or having a bad day mingi would whip out his phone and ask siri to rap while he free-styled over the monotone voice 

he literally still does it

even two years into your relationship-

“siri, can you rap for me?” mingi would ask his phone as he pointed his free arm at you

“boots and cats-”

“mingi, please no.” you laughed in between tears, your mood rising with every beat

wooyoung:

i wholeheartedly believe that wooyoung would kiss you face if you were sad

but the first time this happened, you guys were still fairly new into your relationship

which meant that you weren’t completely ready to be extremely vulnerable around wooyoung 

because in your mind, letting someone see you at your lowest lows of means that you really trust and love someone to let them see you like that

you always wanted to be known as the strong person in the friend group

you were that glue that held everyone together

always listening to others and taking care of others before yourself

which is why wooyoung fell in love with you in the first place

he had never been in a relationship where someone was so caring and thoughtful of others that he was scared that he wouldn’t be enough for you and that you deserved better

of course, he didn’t tell you that right away but he confessed to you about that wayyy later in your relationship which is another story to be told

but one day, life was coming at you so fucking fast

assignments were piling up left and right and deadlines were literally every other day

and then there seemed to be an increase in the amount of angry karens at your work

and your patience was thinning everyday with those people

then to top it all off, all the tests you’ve been studying for, you got mediocre grades, some even worse in other subjects

it just felt like no matter how much work you put into whatever you do, you got half ass results

it was just pushing your mental health further into the ground

you could handle a C every once in awhile but multiple? on back to back tests? no fucking way you just couldn’t

those stupid, dark thoughts would cloud your mind in an instant and on days like this, you would just let them consume you

you were too tired to pick yourself up again and fight back which led to you crying in wooyoung’s arms

usually, you would feel so embarrassed crying over things like this when you know other people have it worse but you couldn’t hold in it anymore 

you ranted about yourself in between your hiccups from crying which would hurt wooyoung’s heart a little bit

because he thought of you as such a strong and kind person- the complete opposite of what you were saying about yourself

so when you were done talking, wooyoung made you look at him and assured you that you were not any of those nasty things that you said about yourself

each insult turned into a thoughtful compliment accompanied by a kiss

“y/n, you are so intelligent-” 

kiss

“caring-”

kiss

“beautiful-”

kiss

“more than everything i ever wanted”

kiss

by the time wooyoung was done, you were a giggling mess

“and this is why i love you.”

he finally kissed you on your lips, smiling into it like the dork he is

it was the first ever time he told you that he loved you

jongho:

i am also a firm believer that jongho would sing his s/o to sleep

like with that heavenly voice of his, he better put them to sleep 

so on the first night you ever slept with jongho, you were too nervous to go to bed even though your body was screaming at you to close your eyes 

you kept tossing and turning every few minutes or your eyes would shoot open with your heart racing

at this point, you gave up on trying to sleep and got up (carefully to not wake up your sleeping boyfriend) to get a drink

while you were in the kitchen, clutching your chest in an effort to get yourself to calm down, jongho had stirred awake to an empty bed

a flash of panic surged through his body as he momentarily forgot where he was since he wasn’t at his dorm his room never looked this clean 

yawning, the vocalist would wander into the light with his eyes squinted, “y/n?”

“oh my god!” you jumped, water almost spilling out your glass

jongho covered his ears, “what are you doing up?”

“oh,” you felt your cheeks turn red since you felt bad for waking your boyfriend up. “i can’t sleep.”

“why?” he asked, walking towards the couch.

“i don’t know.” you answered as you followed close behind. 

you curled up next to jongho, clutching his shirt “i’m sorry for waking you up.”

jongho smiled tiredly at you before kissing your head, “don’t be. it’s okay. i don’t have work tomorrow anyways.”

you smiled in response before the two of you guys fell into a silence

“do you want me to sing you to sleep?”

“yes, please.” you murmured into his side as jongho placed his other arm around you, successfully trapping you in between his arms

he began singing softly into your ear as he stroked your hair

his warm voice coaxing your eyes to close 

at last, your mind was at peace with itself

your heart beat slowing down

and by the time the song was finished you were fast asleep in arms

jongho kissed your forehead once more 

“i love you.”

[starryeyedrookie]

Before It’s Too Late (Ethan x MC)

Book: Set during book 2 ch. 11.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Evelyn Long)

Word count: 1,996

Rating: General

Category: Angst

Summary: An attack scene rewrite when Ethan spends the night with MC.

A/N: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pizelberry.

I finally decided how I was going to write this rewrite. Initially I was trying to do a full chapter rewrite but half way through, I was already at 3k+ words so it would be waaaay to long. Thankfully, I managed to summarize it but also give it a ton of angst. (This was my first time writing angst btw.) I hope you enjoy!

8:30 pm

It's been exactly five hours since the attack. Five excruciatingly long hours since Evelyn’s world was turned upside down.

Travis, Senator Ed’s assistant, had slowly been poisoning him with lead. When they went to confront him, he pulled out a can and sprayed everyone in the room with a deadly unknown substance.

The Senator managed to escape and Travis was dead. But so was Bobby, with Danny fighting for his life.

Evelyn begins to cry again as she thinks about Bobby’s wife and two kids that he left behind. They would now have to grow up without their dad. He would miss so many big milestones in their lives all because of two selfish people.

“E-Evelyn…?” a weak voice calls from across the room.

She walks over to the bed where Raf is lying down, a light sheen of sweat covering his pale face.

The team had come a little while ago with a shot that they had hoped would slow the progression of their symptoms, but Raf’s still seemed to be getting worse.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly, gently wiping the tears from her face.

“I was just… thinking about Bobby’s family and… everything that he… would miss. He was… just telling me… this morning that… his oldest daughter is turning sixteen this year…”

“I know… life isn’t fair. They didn’t deserve any of this.”

“You didn’t either, Raf.”

“But I saved you from having to suffer so much… and that’s what matters.”

“Raf…”

“Shh… listen, I feel… like I’m… getting worse. Will you… do me a favour?”

“Of course. Anything you need.”

“Please help me call my vovo.”

Evelyn hands Raf his phone to unlock, then scrolls through his contacts until she sees his grandmother’s name, tapping it, she places the phone to his ear.

“Olá, vovo.”

“No… I’m not well. There was an attack at the hospital today and the Senator’s assistant tried to kill him. A few people were in the room when it happened. The Senator escaped, but his assistant and one person that works here died and the other is in critical condition. Evelyn and I are in quarantine right now.”

“I just wanted to let you know… that if I… don’t make it… I love you with all my heart.”

“Alright, take care. I love you too.”

“Thank you, Evelyn.” he takes a shaky breath, his heart rate slowing and growing more shallow.

“Evelyn… I think you should… call the team… I'm sorry I couldn't save you… that this… might be the way it ends…” he murmurs, eyes meeting hers, as warm and kind as the day they met.

Taking his hand, she can barely see him through her tears.

“You'll make it through this Raf… I know you will…”

He smiles up at her before his eyes flutter closed and his hand falls away.

Moments later Ethan and June rush into the room.

“I’d hoped that the treatment would buy us more time,” Ethan says sadly.

“We don’t know that it didn’t.” Evelyn tries reassuring him.

He nods as June’s eyes fill with sympathy.

“We’ll get him to the support suite. There’s still a chance that we could fix this Evelyn.” June tells her, as she prepares Rafael for transport.

Evelyn’s almost too scared to ask, but she needs to know. “How’s Danny?”

“We… we lost him.” Ethan’s voice comes out in a whisper.

“No…”

“Before he died he… he asked to be autopsied. To help the two of you.”

As Ethan turns to help June, Evelyn reports Raf’s most recent symptom of hot cold reversal.

“Stay strong, Evelyn. We’ll know more soon.” June tells her reassuringly as she and Ethan slowly push Raf out of the room.

Now she’s all alone, curled up on her bed, the pressure in her head becoming almost too much to bear.

Her mind drifts to Danny. She remembers her first day when he was the one that told her that she had just performed a thoracotomy with Ethan Ramsey. The night of the party her roommates had when he and Sienna talked all night until they fell asleep together on the couch.

Sienna. All Evelyn wanted to do was rush to her side and hold her. She and Danny were supposed to be together. They were meant for each other. But how he was gone, and Sienna would have to live with that loss. She probably never even got to say goodbye.

Goodbye. Evelyn had to be prepared.

Picking up her phone, she sees that she has several missed calls and messages.

Calling her mom, she picks up immediately.

“Evelyn sweetie! Are you okay?! Oh my goodness, we saw what happened on the news and I thought we lost you!”

Hearing her mom’s voice, her tears start falling again.

“I’m hanging in there right now mom. It’s just me in the room now. Rafael just got taken to the support suite.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Mom… is everyone there?”

“Yes, honey. We’re all here.”

“Can you put me on speaker please?”

“Hey Evey.” she hears her dad’s voice say.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi Evelyn, do they know what it is yet?

“Hi Ben, no they don’t. We got a shot earlier that was supposed to slow the progression of the symptoms, but we don’t have a cure yet.”

“Oh.”

“Listen, guys… if I don’t make it…”

“No Evelyn! You can’t say that!” her heart breaks as she hears Ben crying through the phone.

“Wait… just listen to me. I’m preparing for the worst. I want you guys to know… that I love you all so much. And I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done to help me fulfill my dreams.”

Aside from the sound of soft cries, the line is silent.

Finally, her dad speaks up.

“We love you too sweetie. Stay strong and hang in there. You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll try… take care.”

“Bye.”

Later, her friends and the diagnostics team are gathered outside her window. Bryce looks at her with haunted eyes while a crying Sienna buries her face in Jackie’s shoulder.

“How’s Kyra? The surgery must be over by now…”

“She’s fine and resting. We haven’t told her what happened yet.”

“Good idea.”

“So, do you know what it is yet?”

Ethan explains to her that it’s a maitotoxin that he had never seen before. It was still present in Danny’s bony postmortem and on the surface of his skin.

Processing the information, the realization hits Evelyn like a ton of bricks.

“Maitotoxin… that’s derived from parasites in fish, isn’t it? But… there’s no antidote so… I’m going to die here…” her voice now barely a whisper. “I can’t believe this. Today was supposed to be happy. Kyra was supposed to have a successful surgery and everything was supposed to be fine… but now Danny’s dead, Raf is in a coma, and I’m… I’m…” Evelyn buries her face in her hands as she begins to cry.

“Now isn’t the time to give up hope Evelyn. Because of Raf’s actions, you didn’t get much in your system so your symptoms aren’t as advanced. There may not be an antidote as yet, but I promise you that we’ll be working round-the-clock to synthesize one.” Ethan tries to sound as confident as he can, his heart breaking to see Evelyn hurting.

“You won’t be alone.”

Everyone turns around to see that the statement had come from Tobias, as he, and several Mass Kenmore doctors approached them, all prepared to do whatever it takes.

As everyone heads down to the lab, Ethan lingers behind at the window.

“Are you okay, Ethan?”

“No, Evelyn, I’m not okay. But you don’t need to hear about that. You should try and get some rest. Have you slept at all?”

“No. I can’t stop thinking about Rafael. How long he can last… whether… whether it’s already…”

“…Do you want me to stay for a while?”

“Yes, please. If this is my last night alive, I want to spend it with you.”

“If I was in your position, I’d feel the same way about you.”

“Really?”

“Really, Evelyn.”

Suiting up and entering the room, he gently guides her to the bed.

“Now lie down. I know it sounds impossible, but I need you to relax and try to think about something happy.”

As she lies down, Ethan gently pulls up the covers around her.

“Something happy like what it would be like if we went on a date?”

“If that’s what makes you happy then sure.”

Her happiness leaves as quickly as it came.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like there are so many things that I should have done.”

“Like what?”

“I should have loved more.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve spent the last decade focusing on college, med school, work, always guarding my heart because I might be in another city the next year. It makes me wonder… what could have been,” she confesses sadly.

Ethan is quiet for a long moment.

“Since we’re sharing regrets, do you mind if I share one of mine?”

“Go ahead.”

Reaching across, Ethan’s gloved hand finds hers.

“I wish I hadn’t asked you to stay away.”

“You do?” she asks surprised.

“We’ve wasted so much time. I’ve wasted so much time. I should have held you in my arms every day and told you how much I… how much I love you.”

“Ethan?”

“Shh… I just needed you to know… that no matter what happens… I love and care about you more than I can ever tell you.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”

“You do?”

“Of course! I thought you knew that already.”

“I did. It’s just so wonderful to hear you say it.”

“I wish I could kiss you.”

“Soon. You will soon.”

Joining her on the bed, he wraps his bulky arms around her as eyes begin to flutter closed.

“Evelyn? Can you please look at me?”

“Hmm?”

Forcing her eyes open, she looks at him through his helmet.

“Promise me that you’ll keep fighting. That you won’t give up. Oh, Evelyn… our story’s only just begun and it can’t end here. Please… please promise me.”

“…I… promise,” she whispers before falling asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to excruciating pain in her stomach. Doubling over, Ethan reaches across from the chair for her.

“It’s okay Evelyn, you’ll be alright!”

Feeling weaker than ever, she can barely make out the blurry figures running to her window.

“Evelyn! We did it!” Aurora shouts.

“Huh?”

Baz and June enter the room with the antidote as Tobias explains how they did it.

“What about Raf? He’s much sicker than I am…”

“We administered it to him, but too far there’s been no chance. It’s possible we’re already too late.” Sienna gloomily reveals.

“But he hasn’t gotten any worse, that has to mean something!” Elijah adds.

As Ethan gently injects the serum into her vein, he whispers into her ear.

“Hang in there, Evelyn.”

Over the next several anxious hours, June comes regularly to take her blood.

Slowly, her blood pressure stabilizes and the nausea begins to fade.

As Evelyn looks around, she realizes that the room no longer looks blurry.

“Get up.”

She turns around to see a hazmat suit free Ethan stroll into the room with a big smile on his face.

“You mean…”

“It worked. There’s no trace of toxin left in your bloodstream. Even if there are still traces in the room, we know now that we can-”

“Oh!”

Evelyn flies into Ethan's arms pulling him into a tight hug.

“…What you’re saying is I’m finally free to do this?”

“Yes. This too.”

He leans down capturing her lips in a passionate kiss as tears fall down both of their faces.

“Ethan, aren’t you worried that someone will see?”

“No. After almost losing you, I’ve decided that there are more important things to worry about than what people will think. I love you with all my heart, Evelyn Long.”

Through her tears, she smiles up at him.

“I love you too, Ethan.”

{Two Weeks Later}

Taglist: @mercury84choices @a-crepusculo @emmasumbrella @quixoticdreamer16 @headoverheelsforramsey @mm2305 @adiehardfan @schnitzelbutterfingers

@choicesficwriterscreations @choicesbookclub

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed❤️

[mimisempai]

We are a family

Summary:

Kid Loki is sick. Mobius and Loki are as panicked as each other. But they are together...

30 days OTP challenge Day 15 : One of them is sick

Notes:

Maybe for some people it's too Ooc, but I like them like that. This little family that builds itself little by little.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35412364

1033 words - Rating G

"Dad? I don't feel so good."

Alarmed, Mobius turned to the young Loki.

The young boy never complained.

Unfortunately his time on the Void had taught him to be independent, too independent. However, he was slowly learning to rely on his "elders".

Mobius found him pale, paler than usual, his features tense and sweat beading on his forehead which Mobius touched with the back of his hand. He was burning up.

"Hey sweetie, don't you want to go lie down?" he suggested and Loki Jr. nodded weakly, though he made no move to get up.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"My stomach really hurts," the young boy said softly before throwing up on Mobius' shoes.

It took Mobius more than half an hour to calm him down, clean him up, and get him comfortable in his bed with a cup of chamomile tea. The young boy barely got comfortable when Mobius had to hand him the basin because he had to vomit again. When Mobius tucked him into bed this time, he realized that the young boy had red patches on his neck and arms that seemed to itch. He began to worry.

However, the important thing was that he rested so that the fever could subside.  So Mobius stayed by his side. He stroked his hair and talked to him in a soft, soothing voice until he fell asleep.

Mobius watched him sleep for a few more moments and once he was reassured that he was sleeping peacefully, he went to clean the living room floor.

He heard Loki come in and went to meet him.

They embraced tenderly to greet each other and Loki, scrutinizing Mobius' face, saw at once that something was not as usual.

"Mobius, are you all right?"

Mobius replied, unable to hide his slight concern, "Loki is sick, he has a fever and vomited. Right now he's sleeping."

"What?" Loki exclaimed.

"Shhh idiot, you are going to wake him up."

Loki continued, in a low voice but still panicked, "What do you mean sick, he's a god! We can' t be sick!" Mobius would have laughed at Loki's dramatic exaggeration if he himself wasn't so worried about the young boy.

"What do we do?" he asked.

"I don't know! Should I know? I probably should, shouldn't I? But you're the one who knows everything." Loki looked like he was on the verge of hysteria, and Mobius, even though he wasn't, was very worried.

He took Loki by the hand and led him to the couch. "Come on, let's go think calmly."

Loki calmed down and once seated, he asked Mobius to describe the symptoms. When he got to the red patches, Loki slapped his forehead.

"I know what he has!!!"

As Mobius looked on in bewilderment, Loki rushed to Loki Jr.'s room and quietly entered.

He knelt down next to the boy's bed and pushing back a sweaty strand of hair from his forehead he asked softly, "Hey my little prince... are you awake?"

Loki turned fully towards him and opened his eyes so much like his own.

"Hmm... yes."

Loki sat him down and gave him the glass of water. While the young boy drank, he went to get a towel and wet it before returning to the young boy.

Meanwhile, Mobius had joined them and knelt by Loki's side and said, "I know what he has... an"

"Allergy."

The two men said the word at the same time and looked at each other in surprise.

The young boy laughed softly.

The two men continued to speak at the same time, "But...how do you..."

"Dads stop! You make me laugh, but my stomach hurts." The young boy giggled as he held his stomach.

Mobius continued, "While you were rushing to his room, I looked it up on the internet, and the symptoms were the same as those caused by an allergy. But I don't know which one..."

Loki interjected, "That I can tell you. When he was with Jane, Thor was determined to try as much of the Midgardian food as possible. And after he tried the peanut butter, he had the exact same symptoms. Loki tell me, did you eat peanuts in any form?"

The young boy nodded, "Casey... the little jar on his desk. I'm sorry..."

Loki leaned over to the boy, "Hey sweetie, why are you sorry?"

"You have to take care of me."

Loki knelt down and gently passed the wet towel over his sweaty forehead as he said softly, "Loki, you are not a burden. You don't have to carry everything alone. We're a family, we take care of each other. We take care of you not out of duty, but because we love you and want to take care of you."

The young Loki nodded, fighting off sleep.

Mobius came and knelt beside Loki again, "Hey sweetie, you should sleep."

They made him comfortable, and stayed with him until he fell asleep.

They walked out of the room and looking at each other, they breathed a sigh of relief in concert.

As they walked to the living room, Loki said quietly, "I may be a god, I may have extraordinary powers, and I may be-"

"incredibly modest," Mobius continued with a chuckle.

"Hey, Mobius, I'm serious!"

Mobius pulled him closer and kissed him gently before replying with a falsely sheepish look, "Sorry, go on."

"So, I may be everything I said, but for a moment I felt so helpless. It's scary."

They sat on the couch in their favorite position, Loki reclining, his head resting on Mobius' lap, whose hands automatically came to caress Loki's hair.

"I know what you mean. I felt exactly the same way when he came to me this morning and told me he wasn't well."

Loki asked softly, "Is this what being a parent is like?"

"You think I know more than you?" sneered Mobius.

"Do you think we'll make it?" asked Loki even more softly.

Mobius replied in a voice that didn't shake, "Absolutely, I can tell that just by the way you reacted to him. I'm not worried about that. Besides, there are two of us, we'll learn together."

Loki hummed softly, "Hm... together."

________

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd and english is not my native language I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless🥰

Next day : Hospital

Challenge List here

[sickofthistoxicshit]

So this is a way Way overdue prompt that I got ages ago, but didn't have the time or muse-cooperation to write.

But I finally managed to write it!!

The prompt was given to me by the lovely @coffeeflavoredcookies : Chris all snuggled up to Buck as he tells him bedtime stories with Eddie standing at the door looking at them fondly.

This is fluff all the way, hope you like it ��

-

The house was dimly lit when he got back, at this point Christopher would have usually already been in bed - post bedtime story.

But Buck has been staying the last few days with them after getting hurt on a call. Nothing too bad, mild concussion, some bruised ribs and a now relocated shoulder still stuck in a sling, so things aren't exactly on the normal side.

Buck had trouble understanding Eddie’s insistence that he stays with them, not wanting to be a burden (earning him an eye-roll from Eddie) and reminded him that he shouldn’t have to look after a grown-ass man while having an actual child of his own to take care of, (which resulted in Eddie calling Christopher and asking him, on speaker, what he thought of Buck staying with them for the next few days. Christopher cheered and Buck glared at Eddie, mouthing ‘traitor’ at him.)

The thing is, Buck seems to be unable to understand that whenever he’s hurt, physically or emotionally or just generally off-balance, Eddie is thrown to a loop right with him. Eddie would rather have him near and safe than wonder how he is, if he’s sleeping, eating - taking care of himself.

Back when his leg was crushed, so close to losing Shannon, Eddie was very close to saying to hell with Ali and then Maddie and just take him over to their place.

But Buck wasn't his to keep back then, and to be honest he's not his now, but Ali is long gone and Maddie is super pregnant, giving Eddie the best excuse to bundle him into his truck and take him home.

Sore and tired, Buck mostly slept, crashing on the couch, no matter how many times Eddie tried to get him to crash in the master bedroom, at least during the day.

Eddie got used to returning home from work to find Christopher sitting in the living room either doing his homework or playing or watching TV while Buck slept on the couch. Sometimes Christopher could be found nestled to Buck's side as they both nodded off watching some nature documentary.

Eddie has an album in his phone containing multiple pictures of his boys together. He will never get tired of snapping pictures of them, moments frozen in time, forever.

Eddie took his shoes off at the door and dropped his bag next to them. He showered at the station so he wouldn't waste time with Christopher in favor of washing the day off, he quickly rinsed his hands with soup, a habit left from crazed Covid days, then went in search of his boys.

The house was quiet, and the normally occupied couch was empty. Eddie made his way to Christopher’s room, already recognizing Buck’s low gravel voice, reading what sounded like “I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew”, Buck got Christopher the book a couple of weeks prior to his injury.

He told Christopher that Maddie used to read it to him when he was younger. They read it so many times, that both of them knew it by heart at one point. This is the first time he got to read it to him, if Eddie is not mistaken.

Eddie quietly made his way to the bedroom and stopped to lean on the door frame, taking in the sight in front of him. Christopher was lying in bed snuggled up against Buck’s uninjured side, he was already fast asleep, but Buck kept reading quietly leaning against the headboard.

“Then I dreamed I was sleeping on billowy billows

Of soft silk and satin marshmallow-stuffed pillows.

I dreamed I was sleeping in Solla Sollew,

On the banks of the beautiful River Wah-Hoo,

Where they never have troubles. At least very few.”

Eddie was so caught up in the cute picture presented before him, that he hadn't noticed Buck’s stopped reading and turned welcoming eyes on him, “Hey Eds.” he greeted with a soft smile.

“Hey Buck.” Eddie greeted back with a smile, slowly making his way inside, gently detangling Christopher from Buck to lay him properly on the pillow, and freeing Buck to rise and stretch carefully.

The blonde nodded gratefully at his friend, with a last look down at Christopher, he smiled and left Eddie to tuck Christopher in safely and say goodnight. Eddie’s eyes followed Buck as he left the room, making sure he’s steady on his feet and also because he couldn’t really look away.

When Buck was out and on his way to the living room Eddie turned around, pressed a kiss to Christopher’s forehead, turned on the nightlight and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Eddie noted Buck’s absence in the living room and followed the sounds to the kitchen, standing at the door, he inquired “Should you be without your sling?”

"Honestly, no." Buck admitted with a sheepish smile, "But my neck is killing me and doing everything one handed is driving me crazy." He complained, handing Eddie a beer and leaned back against the counter while drinking the Gatorade he started earlier.

“At least you’re not drinking beer.” Eddie rolled his eyes. Buck scoffed “I wanted to, Christopher said no.” he smiled at Eddie’s laugh.

“Sounds about right.” Eddie nodded. “Did Carla make dinner?”

Buck shook his head, “No, she had to leave early, I told her I got this.”

“Tell me you ordered dinner.” Eddie demanded.

“There are waffles and Eggs in the microwave for you.” Was Buck’s sole reply.

“You’re supposed to be resting.” Eddie protested with an exasperated look.

“I have been resting, Edmundo!” Buck rolled his eyes, “And I’ll go back to resting now that your kid is fed, ready for his day tomorrow and has fallen asleep in his own bed for a change.” Buck retorted and was about to move past Eddie when the latter grabbed the wrist of his good arm and turned him around, bringing him flush against Eddie’s body.

Faces a hairbreadth away from each other, Buck met Eddie’s eyes with a curious look, “You gonna teach me to dance Eds?”

“I thought you already knew how to dance, Ev.” Eddie replied with a soft smirk, voice barely beyond a murmur.

“Hmm.. So wha..” Buck didn’t finish the rest of the sentence because Eddie’s lips were on his, and the finally in his head was so loud, it took him a second to sigh contentedly and kiss back.

Eddie’s hands strayed to Buck’s waist bringing him even closer as he maneuvered them carefully out of the kitchen and into the living room, stopping when the back of his knees hit the couch, his palms framing Buck’s face with one last kiss before breaking apart, chuckling at Buck’s protesting whine.

“What was that for?” Buck asked as Eddie rearranged the pillows on the couch before situating himself with his back to one side and reached to gently pull Buck down so he could lie back on Eddie’s broad chest, framed between his stretched forward legs.

Buck went pretty easily, not even questioning Eddie’s tactile display, it’s been known to happen, it just didn’t usually start with a kiss. Buck turned his head to one side looking up to meet Eddie’s eyes, Eddie’s brown eyes were soft and fond, Buck couldn’t help but smile back at him when Eddie offered him a grin.

Before Buck could open his mouth and ask again what’s going on, Eddie wrapped a long arm across Buck’s broad chest and threaded the fingers of his other hand with Buck’s, resting them on Buck’s stomach. “I’m done overlooking the pink elephant in the room.”

“Is that a veiled reference of your dislike for that shirt?” Buck quipped, squeezing Eddie’s hand reassuringly.

“That too.” Eddie played along, he really did hate that shirt, but Buck kept insisting it defined his muscles, which it did, but literally most of his size-down shirts already did that. “But also because coming home to the sight of you and Christopher every night, was pretty much wearing me down.”

Buck’s face broke into a smile that was a complicated mix of self-consciousness and contentedness, which Eddie found adorable, “So what broke you tonight?” Buck asked, bringing Eddie out of his reverie “I mean, it was a pretty standard evening in the Diaz household.” He pointed out with a teasing smile.

“You made sure Christopher fell asleep in his own bed.” Eddie said, chin resting on the top of Buck’s head gently.

“Well, It felt like some normalcy was needed.” Buck replied, his voice soft. “Both of us injured and out of commission in the short span of five months seemed to be taking a toll.”

“And the fact that you’re the one who managed to find a way to stir him back into the right direction is what broke me, I guess.” Eddie admired quietly, “That, and the cute picture you two presented when I got into the room.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to Buck’s temple who was blushing endearingly.

The moment was broken by an exhausted yawn from Buck, “Sorry, been a long day, and you’re too comfortable.” he accused jokingly.

“Bed?” Eddie suggested.

“You sure?” Buck asked, it’s not like they haven’t shared a bed before but this was semi-new territory. “I've already bonded with the couch, I’m good sleeping out here until we figure this out.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Bed.” he determined with a growl.

Buck chuckled amusedly as he rose carefully to his feet along with Eddie, “Caveman.” he teased.

Eddie shook his head with a laugh, “brat.” he retorted, pecking Buck’s lips before taking his hand and leading him to the master-bedroom.

***

That's it :) I hope you like it!! 💖💖

ps. That book Buck is reading to Christopher is a story my dad used to read to me and my sisters when we were youngers, we all know it by heart, to this very day. 🤗💕

[secretobsessionstuff]

Been thinking about Mateo and Shawn lately !! They remind me of myself and my own partner, so I figured maybe i’d... request something based on one of my own experiences. Long story short, I had been with them all day but I was feeling really dizzy and nauseous. I was thinking about my partners gentle way of comforting me, by holding my forehead while i was getting sick or gently running their fingertips on my back. Perhaps you could do something like this with mateo and shawn? Maybe shawn is really out of it and mateo is worried he might bother shawn if he touches him too aggressively (?) i guess? I love their dynamic <33

Thank you all for being patient as I slowly get to requests. This was a super cute one 💕

It was nearing the evening when Shawn started to get tired. As the sun began to set, with golden hour in full swing, he too wanted to dip below the horizon to sleep. He and Mateo had been out all day doing errands and planned to get dinner at a new restaurant, but now Shawn just wanted to go home.

The fatigue and dizziness hit suddenly. It was the nausea that grew steadily stronger as the sun continued to leave for the day. He lazily moved through the store, holding onto the clothing racks to keep himself upright. People must have thought he was drunk with the way he swayed down the aisles.

He eventually found his boyfriend in one of the aisles trying on shoes. Shawn sighed as he found a place to sit next to a pile of shoes that Mateo was considering buying. It was only when he sat down that he realized how weird he felt. He realized that he could have passed out right there if he wanted to. Suddenly his lunch wasn’t sitting so well in his stomach. He looked up at Mateo with half-closed eyes.

“What do you think of these?” Mateo asked as he admired the leather shoes in the mirror.

“You look good in everything,” Shawn said through a yawn, not really looking at the shoes. Still, it wasn’t a lie. Mateo could walk out of here with slippers, and Shawn would be eager to see them kicked off haphazardly at the foot of his bed. Just not today. “Are you almost done? I want to go home soon.”

Mateo spun around, feeling fancy in the new shoes. He wasn’t going to buy them though because he needed more time to decide, and it didn’t look like Shawn had more time – he looked like he was going to fall asleep in the middle of the store. “You don’t want to get dinner at that new Thai place?”

Shawn scrunched up his nose. “My stomach isn’t feeling so good.” The blurriness around his vision wanted to creep closer in, and his head wanted to fall off his shoulder. “Actually, a lot of me isn’t feeling so good.”

After switching the shoes out for his actual pair, Mateo sat on the bench and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes which were bloodshot and glassy. He touched the back of his hand to Shawn’s forehead and pulled back in surprise. “It does feel like you a small fever.”

Shawn groaned and let his head fall on Mateo’s shoulder. “My eyes are burning and I’m dizzy. Will you drive?”

Mateo helped his boyfriend up. “Sure. Anything else bothering you?” It was tough not to fall back into the script that he used for patients, but Shawn didn’t seem to care.

“My stomach.”

“You already said that.”

“Well, it really hurts,” he whined, only half joking because his stomach really was in knots. “Add short term memory loss to the list.”

Getting in the car did not sound like a fun time, but Shawn did so anyway. The ride wasn’t as bad as he thought because he fell asleep before Mateo left the parking lot.

Mateo enjoyed the quiet drive back. Shawn’s car drove smoothly and silently, letting his boyfriend stay asleep the whole time. That might have been a testament to how Shawn was feeling rather than the car’s performance, however. Mateo snuck glances at Shawn’s paler than normal face. The tattoo on his neck stood out even more against the ashen skin.

“We’re here,” Mateo said as he parked the car. Shawn stayed asleep. “Babe, wake up.”

The snoring continued so Mateo got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. He unbuckled Shawn’s seat belt and felt the heat rolling off his body. “Oh boy, you’re really warm,” Mateo mumbled to himself, but it seemed to have startled Shawn from his sleep.

Shawn looked around and squinted. The first thing he registered was the fresh new wave of nausea coursing through his veins. With Mateo’s help, they walked to the door. Shawn’s legs really wanted to buckle under him. “Fuck, that nap did not help. I feel so much worse.”

“Yeah, your fever’s gotten worse too,” Mateo said as he opened the door for his boyfriend. “How’s your stomach?”

“Sick. I think I might puke.”

“You could wait for me in the bathroom while I put our groceries away.” Mateo set their bags down on the counter. “I want to take your temp—or you can crash on the couch. That works too,” he said as he watched Shawn fall onto the soft cushions.

With the thermometer and a bucket, Mateo joined Shawn on the couch. He wasn’t asleep, surprisingly. The grimace on his face told Mateo that he was too nauseous to sleep. His body took up most the couch so Mateo gently lifted Shawn’s head and placed it on his own lap.

Shawn moaned as he was jostled around. When he was settled back down on Mateo’s legs, he let out a heavy exhale. Even while lying down, the room felt like it was spinning around his head.

“Sorry, hon,” Mateo said softly. “Will you put this under your tongue?”

While Shawn held the thermometer in his mouth, Mateo ran his hands through his boyfriend’s hair. He hated hearing Shawn’s heavy breathing which served as a reminder that he was miserable. Mateo decided he would keep gliding his fingers through Shawn’s hair until his breathing slowed down or until the thermometer beeped. Whichever came first.

The thermometer beeped first. The device told him that Shawn’s temperature was sitting just below 102°F. It wasn’t terrible but not great. Still, Mateo never liked to treat anything under 103°F. This was the body’s way of curing itself. Of course, Shawn’s body had other plans to deal with whatever was making him sick, but that was a more unpleasant process.

Shawn groaned and squirmed around on Mateo’s lap. He wanted to stay where he was because Mateo’s fingers felt great, but the nausea was reaching its peak. His belly gurgled loudly, making him curl in on himself.

Mateo heard the gurgled and felt his boyfriend tense up beneath his hand. “Are you gonna be sick? Need the bucket?”

With a hand over his mouth, Shawn nodded quickly. He lifted himself up with his arm, careful not to elbow Mateo in the crotch. He reached for the bucket, but his beautiful boyfriend held it up to his mouth so that he didn’t have to. Shawn still grabbed one side, just to help him aim and to keep him from falling off the couch.

He gagged emptily at first, making his whole body shudder. The nausea filled his mouth with saliva and caused his jaw to quiver. Another gag caught in his throat.

“I’ve got you, just let it happen,” Mateo said while holding the bucket steady. He could feel the strain that it had on Shawn’s body just from the way he shook.

Shawn gagged one last time before a real wave of sick came rushing up his throat. He lurched forward from the force of the heave. With his eyes squeezed shut and tears gathering on his lashes, he heard the splatter of sick as it hit the bottom of the bucket.

A mix between a cough and a heavy exhale followed a wet burp. Shawn’s chest moved rapidly as he tried to catch his breath in between retches. “Ugh everything hurts, Teo.”

Mateo’s go-to choice of comfort in this instance would be to rub Shawn’s back or stomach but he hesitated when he heard the pain in the boy’s voice. Shawn’s body was already tense and flooded with misery; he didn’t know if his boyfriend wanted to be touch that much. In the past there had been times when Shawn was too overwhelmed for any extra stimuli. Sometimes he couldn’t stand having his shirt rub against his skin when he was sick.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Mateo said gently, with his free hand hovering awkwardly in the air. “Will it help if I rub your back?”

Shawn swallowed thickly, aware that a second bout was coming. “Maybe. Can you do it lightly…you know, like the tracing.”

Mateo knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes when neither of them could sleep, they took turns tracing shapes on each other’s back with their fingertips. It started out as a game to guess the pictures, but it quickly turned into random patterns that left goosebumps on their arms.

With the lightest touch, Mateo started at the top of Shawn’s spine and slowly worked his way down. Then he circled back up to the base of his neck, taking his time to make each touch gentle.

When he felt the muscles in Shawn’s back tense up, he quickly lifted his hand in fear that he hurt him. Shawn just belched up another gush into the bucket. Without a second to breathe, he was bringing up the next wave of stomach contents. Shawn gasped for air and went right back into it with a groan.

“Shh, shh, it’ll be over soon,” Mateo whispered as resumed his gentle tracing.

For a long time, Mateo kept up the gentle movement of his hands, even when the vomiting seemed to have tapered off into plain old hellish nausea. It’s the worst feeling of still being nauseous when the puking stops, but that’s the land where Shawn found himself after wiping the bile from his lips.

Physically exhausted, Shawn slumped back down on Mateo’s lap. His throat was raw and his abdomen screamed from the work. Every breath hurt. But the one thing that made it easier to deal with was the pitter patter of soft fingertips on his back. It reminded him of peaceful rain during an afternoon nap.

“That feels nice,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

Mateo smiled. He kept his voice low because he could see that Shawn’s breathing was slowing down. “Do you feel better?”

“A little.” Shawn yawned. “I could actually fall asleep.”

“Then fall asleep. I won’t stop.”

Mateo was pleased that he didn’t hear a response. He was pleased to hear Shawn’s breathing even out. As promised, he danced his fingertips across his boyfriend’s back, at least until he too fell asleep.

[absconditum-imaginaerum]

Hyunjae | Vulnerable Words | 18.7K Genre | Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining Notes | Female!Reader x The Boyz Hyunjae, Post College AU. Mentions of alcohol, threats, unhealthy relationships, cursing.  A whole shared brain written piece of work; Rainah and I wrote such eerily similar stories without the other’s knowledge, and here’s my rendition. This is a work of fiction, and any depictions of actions, behaviors, thoughts, and personalities of characters used in this story do not reflect reality.  Summary |  Hyunjae’s been gone for six years, leaving his family and friends behind to escape some painful feelings. Once returning, he realizes that those six years did nothing to help his feelings, and after running into you again, he’s convinced they’ll never go away, and that you’ve felt the same way all along.

Hyunjae hadn’t spent a summer vacation—or any vacation for that matter—in his hometown since leaving for college. He couldn’t place exactly what drew him back, but his parents were ecstatic when he arrived with a suitcase in hand and a shy expression on his face, hoping he still had somewhere to stay, even unannounced, with them. There was an air about his hometown that felt like a sea breeze on his face, like a breath of fresh air, a familiarity he couldn’t seem to find anywhere else.  

His mother welcomed him with open arms, always thrilled to see her little boy, especially when she was never quite sure when she would see him again outside their visits to him. A fresh face he was surprised, but happy, to see was his older sister’s. She gave him a warm smile, waiting for her turn to embrace him after finally getting past their mother.

“You’ve been gone so long, you know,” she said to him. An explanation was queued in his throat transitorily just to hum in response, but for a moment just being welcomed by his family was calming.

“I always have classes in the summer and winter, and it’s a long way for a couple of days,” he explained. His father knew his ambitions, always studying extra hard at school, and was always encouraged to join extracurriculars or take more classes if he could���so he did.

“So, then, what made you take this summer off?” she asked.

It was an inevitable question he knew would be asked, but no matter how many times he thought to himself about the reason, he couldn’t come up with one other than he felt like he should, like he wanted to, like something was calling him back. Unable to answer, he shrugged it off before trekking up the stairs of a house he once called his.

Hyunjae got settled into his old room. Most of the things he didn’t take to college or didn’t ask to be kept were gone, and his bed was a full instead of a twin now, which must have meant that they used his room for guests—which he now was. For a brief moment, he sat on his bed, taking in the reality of actually being back in his hometown and seeing his family for the first time outside of FaceTime in a while. All the trinkets and pictures he’d asked his mom to save glimmered and glowered at him—maybe it was time to go through them to see what he wanted to get rid of. He reached over and gently plucked a silver frame from the dresser which encased a picture of himself and a girl he knew from a long time ago: his childhood best friend.  

Hyunjae thought about you often, about what you were doing, if school had treated you well and how your family was— you both were that type of friends, the type that was close with the other’s family, the type whose families were basically your own.  After moving away, he’d thought about you a lot through college in many lights; the good and the bad.

It was late enough in the evening that fifteen minutes into feeling nostalgic about his old life and friendships made it to dinner time. He was almost startled by the way his mom softly knocked on the frame of his door to alert him that dinner was ready, and although he didn’t feel overly hungry, he wouldn’t refuse mom’s homemade cooking or dare not sit down with them at the very least.  

The evening wasn’t eventful, mostly just catching his family up on what life has been like for the time he’d been away, and similarly asked about things going on around there—about how much it had changed and become more accommodating to the younger crowd and how things had shifted around and all of the infrastructure that had been built. It was so much busier than he’d last remembered, with new shopping strips of immaculate and fingerprint-less glass storefronts with fancy chrome polished doors and neon signs that lit up the night; new bars and restaurants popping up in more populated areas he’d only glazed over while in the back of a ride-share on the way to his parent’s home.  

His family stayed up much later than they had back before he left for college—he only knew because it was unusual for him to be tired before the rest of them, but when he took a peek at the clock, registering quarter to twelve, he was surprised.

“You’ve had a long day of travels, you don’t have to stay up for us,” Hyunjae’s mother commented, resting a hand against her son’s shoulder to bring him back to life, somewhat, as he was dozing off a bit in the corner of the couch. After moving to get up he gave her a soft smile, bid his family goodnight, and headed back to his room.  

The bed and sheets were different, but somehow the way they slid over his body, the cool sheets meeting the warmth of his skin, something about it felt like home. Maybe it was the familiarity of the shape of his room, of the same furniture in the same spots, some trinkets still here and there he had fond memories of, or the comfort of the pillows that he sunk into like a sack of bricks. Maybe he really just was that tired from traveling and the somewhat mental exhaustion of being back and still not understanding what brought him here that any old bed may have felt like this. Despite that, he couldn’t help but glance over to the picture he was hanging on to previously. You both had just graduated high school in the picture, hanging on each other with playful smiles donning your caps and gowns. He wondered what you looked like now because he knew he looked quite a bit different.

Then he began to wonder if you ever thought about him, about how once he left for college the two of you quickly stopped talking... And now that he was thinking about it, he wondered if the number in his phone was even still your number.

Audibly sighing, he rolled onto his side to face away from the dresser from which that photograph was glowering at him, or so it felt. He closed his eyes and pressed his head deep into the pillow, tucking the sheets under his arm so just enough chill of the air conditioning would make it comfortable and somehow, despite his racing thoughts, he fell asleep.  

Three days of summer ‘vacation’ went by agonizingly slowly, but he’d gotten the opportunity to look around some new shops that had popped up around the area with his sister before he was looking at your number in his contacts. Was it even worth reaching out to you? Would you even want to see him? Surely if he was having these feelings, there was a chance that maybe you were feeling them, too. So, as he sat across a bistro table from his sister after ordering lunch, his finger hovered over the message button before typing something quickly so he couldn’t change his mind.

An immediate notification came back from his service provider, notifying him that the number he had messaged was no longer in service, but that didn’t seem to ease his tension any as he looked back at the message with a displeased expression—shockingly upset in a way even he couldn’t understand.  

“Who are you secretly texting under the table?” Hyunjae’s sister asked, not even remotely distracted with her food enough to not notice.

Hyunjae sighed, there was no reason to lie—it didn’t even really matter at this point, all hopes of him contacting you had been thwarted by the fact that you’d changed your number who even knew how long ago.

“An old friend from a long time ago, but their number is disconnected,” he replied with a sigh and all but tossed his phone against the rustic wood table, finally turning to his flavored tea for the first sip since it had arrived, and already their food was there. “I haven’t seen her since we both left for separated colleges… I figured if I was going to be here, it might be worth seeing her if she was still around.”

She looked at him for a moment; one name clicking in her mind right away and without thinking blurted it out. Hyunjae turned his gaze away from his plate, trying to wrangle his appetite, and up to his sister. Your name almost hurt him to speak out loud, but his look only confirmed his sister’s suspicions.

“Her family still lives around the corner, their old house…” she trailed off, trying not to step on any toes if there were toes to be stepped on, “I’m sure her mom would like to see you, she asks about you a lot.”

“Mom never told me that,” Hyunjae replied, appetite completely out the window that his point even if he picked around at the side of fruit on his plate.

“At the very least, you might be able to ease yourself about it.”  

So, after a few more days of hanging around at home, helping his mom with some shopping, and exploring his some-what forgotten town with his sister, he pulled on a light jacket after dinner and announced he was going for a walk. His sister gave him a knowing look, almost promising she wouldn’t say where he was going as he stepped into his shoes and left out the front door. The way to your house was emblazoned in his mind, he knew it like the back of his hand—it was close and he couldn’t even count the number of times he’d been there over the years.

The yard was the same, littered with beautiful flowers as it always had been—your mother had a knack for gardening. All the flora was nicely groomed while the outside lights illuminated the walk-way a pale yellow color that glowed in the twilight air.  He approached the door, a tight knot in his stomach; he hadn’t even planned anything to say to you, if you happened to be there, which almost made him turn back if he hadn’t already pressed the bell, listening to it chime loudly through the house before a quiet voice called back.

Hyunjae shoved his hands deep into his pockets as he listened to the locks turn before the door opened to a woman he was so familiar with, a woman who didn’t look a day older than when he’d last seen her at his high school graduation. A soft smile pulled at his lips, and his eyes softened just looking at her.  She smiled back, although there was a glint in her eyes that told him that she wasn’t quite sure who he was.

“Can I help you?” she asked politely.

Hyunjae’s smile faded a bit, but not enough to drop from his face.

“I’m here to see my second family, after being gone for six years,” he replied gently, hoping that was enough.

She shook her head as her gaze cast away from him, which inevitably resulted in the smile dropping from Hyunjae’s face.

“Six years pass and your son from another family doesn’t even call you mom anymore,” she teased him as her eyes came back up to meet his disappointed gaze. “You’ve gotten so tall over the years, Hyunjae.”

His smile struggled to come back, and all he knew was the warmth of her embrace as she stepped just outside the door to wrap her arms around him. “I ask about you all the time, your mother always tells me how busy you’ve been and that you don’t even come to visit them.”

Somehow it made him feel guiltier coming from your mom than his own mom—maybe that was because his dad was always chirping in the background about studying hard, about how they’d always be there for him to come back when he was ready. His hands slowly pulled out of his pockets to embrace her back with words caught in his throat, a poor excuse of an explanation about why he hadn’t come back. It didn’t matter, the thought of you loomed in the back of his mind like a bad dream, and, as if her intuition could still reach him…

“She’s out at work tonight. Would you like me to let her know you dropped by?”

Now he was really on the spot. He could feel a shiver shoot down his spine and he thought about just asking for your phone number, but that felt like too much of a hassle. His hands shook a bit, and he was sure your mom could hear the way his heart raged against the cage of his chest just trying to come up with a response to a simple yes or no question.

“Yes, please,” he finally blurted, but it sounded unsure, there was no conviction. She reeled back to get a good look at his face, to see the nerves all over it, to see the frustration knitted in his brow.

“She asks me about you, which is half the reason I ask about you. When your mom said you never come around for holidays—”

“I wish she’d called me,” he interrupted; but did he mean it?

“You both were busy! She didn’t want to bother you—if you weren’t coming home for vacation, she figured you were doing other things. I’ll let her know you stopped by, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear that you’re in visiting for a bit.”

Hyunjae slowly nodded and allowed your mom to return inside and bid him goodnight before he was turning away on autopilot. A million things were running through his mind—the most important seemed to be what would he say to you when he finally did see you again for the first time? He couldn’t even come up with something good to say even on the spot with you potentially answering the door to your childhood home. For certain he knew that he would be standing there, looking like a fool, stuttering for quite some time—he had no doubt you’d just look at him with that same patient look whenever he couldn’t come up with the right words for you.  

After returning, he didn’t have too much to say as he headed up to his room, the same thoughts cycling his mind like a cropped film reel, but it wasn’t distracting enough to stop him from grabbing that same silver-framed photo of the two of you and plopped on his bed to look at it, hoping it would inspire some things to say.

At least he’d have three days before seeing you, finally, but it was fairly unexpected. His family was just getting ready to sit down to eat when there was a knock on the door. As the youngest and spryest, Hyunjae stood from the table to allow his family to start eating, but they were just as curious. An awkwardness loomed the moment his eyes met yours after tugging the door open; of course, he didn’t recognize you, really—it had been a good chunk of time since he last saw you.

“Sorry, maybe I’m at the wrong house,” you tried, a plate of baked goods in your hands as you looked back at Hyunjae before taking a step back to look at the address. There was a screech of a chair across the floor as it was being pushed out, followed by another one before the doorway was crowded by his sister and mother who greeted you enthusiastically. It didn’t take long for you to come to the ultimate conclusion.

Your eyes shot back to Hyunjae’s, who was still looking at you despite all of the commotion coming from around him which inevitably pushed him out of the way of the doorway. Somehow the plate was coaxed out of your hand with a million questions being asked about it and you were being tugged into the house with insistence that you join them for dinner. You couldn’t answer, your gaze remained locked with Hyunjae until the both of them realized that he was your primary focus, and quickly the chatter stopped and silence took over again.

“Well, aren’t you going to say something to her?” his sister asked, prompting him to come somewhat back to life and he shook his head, swallowing hard, but still nothing was in there to say—he wasn’t sure what to say, so he settled with your name.  There was a burning within your face that you couldn’t contain, and couldn’t help the way your eyes trailed away from his face.

“Hyunjae… it’s been so long, I didn’t even recognize you,” you finally said, but still didn’t feel comfortable just yet looking back up at him.

Hyunjae swallowed the knot in his throat, and after some prompting from his sister in the background, finally found something good to say.

“Would you… would you please stay for dinner with us?” he asked. You could feel the nerves in the shakiness of his voice, and in the half-step he took towards you which you could only see because you were looking at his feet. “There’s plenty, and you’re not a bother, and… to be honest, I tried messaging you the other day, but I don’t have your number anymore and I went to your mom’s and—”

“I’ll stay,” you replied, finally finding the heart to look up at him with a soft genuine smile. You could hear his sister and mom behind you, but still, you were focused on the grown-up boy in front of you, who had grown so tall since you’d last seen him—you weren’t even heighted anymore. Hyunjae pulled out your chair at the table and got you a plate and some utensils. Naturally, he placed you between him and his sister where you usually sat when you stayed with them for dinner when you were younger.

Conversation ensued quickly between you and the rest of Hyunjae’s family since you were still far more familiar with them. You settled in next to Hyunjae again, and although there was a lot to talk about, a lot to catch up on between the two of you, you enjoyed the fact that the rest of the family was breaking the awkwardness and allowing you and Hyunjae to chime in when appropriate.

The conversation was mostly about you, about school, about how life had been since leaving for college since you and Hyunjae had pretty much broken contact by the end of the first semester. Honestly, it broke both your hearts a little bit, and you could feel the stinging of those same pieces even now. Hyunjae told you what your mom said, about you not wanting to call him, and all of the subsequent lack of communication that led to your complete separation. Conversation seemed to flow a bit more freely between the two of you again, deep somewhere there was an understanding about the hurt that the split caused the both of you. Unfortunately, after that, dinner went quickly and although it wasn’t getting too late, you felt like you needed to go.

“Thank you for the lovely dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Lee, inviting me in so unannounced,” you began, and then addressed Hyunjae’s sister and then Hyunjae.

“It’s always a pleasure to have you over, dear,” Mrs. Lee commented with that same full smile she always had. She always made you feel like a part of the family, like her own daughter.

“Let me walk you home,” Hyunjae offered.

“It’s not far,” you reminded him.

“It’s late and I don’t want you to go by yourself,” he insisted.  

He could see the fight in your eyes, the same fight from the number of years ago when he’d say the same thing, when he’d walk you home no matter how much you insisted it wasn’t necessary. The way you dug in was noticeable, preparing to stand your ground against him because, who was he to be so concerned as someone who left? And maybe that was the wrong mindset to have about him because you could feel, even in the way he looked at you, that he still cared for you.

Hyunjae gave you that look where his gaze got a little more tender and there was an almost unnoticeable raise of his brows and a head flick towards the door. It had you swallowing hard, barely even noticing the silence before it was interrupted.

“Please, Hyunjae will walk you home! It’s safer that way!” Hyunjae’s sister chimed in and took a hold of your arm to bring you back to earth. You looked at her, blinking a few times before reluctantly nodding. She gave you a tight squeeze, reminding you how good it was to see you and to not be a stranger because she would always be around and Hyunjae was home for the whole summer.  

Out of old habit, Hyunjae extended his elbow to you, and, to avoid being overly awkward, you took it, but not without looking up at him questioningly as he was pulling you out of the door. You walked slowly side by side once getting off the initial porch of his parent’s home, and he reached over to cup over your hand to keep it from slipping away.

“If you don’t mind too much…” he trailed off, asking you to keep your hand around his arm as he escorted you to your home. He didn’t look at you, even when you looked up at him. It was okay, though, because you could hear something in his voice that pained you a bit, so you tightened your grip around his bicep as you moseyed along the sidewalk. The street lamps provided dim light, barely enough to see the cracks in the slabs of concrete. Admittedly, you felt better that he was walking you home anyway—ever since all of the development in the area, it somehow felt less safe year after year that you’d come home for the summer or winter.  

Hyunjae was silent the entirety of the walk; the only noise he did make was an occasional rough exhale of a somewhat held breath, and in the off chance that you attempted to sneak a peek of him from the corner of your eye you could see his chest contract with that exhale. Then, you were under the familiar light of your home’s porch before you were ready. You knew the walk was only a couple of blocks, but you’d hoped there was more time with the pace at which you were walking. There was so much stuck in your throat that you wanted to say, so much that probably wouldn’t ever come out unless he spoke first; but it looked like there was little to no intention.  

You could feel his bicep flex under your hand, his whole body tensing up next to you as he took another rickety breath. With your eyes still cast down at the ground, you turned your head to him before your gaze fluttered up his chest to his throat and eventually his face; he had gotten so much taller since leaving. The numbers of your address next to it seemed to scrutinize him before he swallowed hard. Hyunjae carefully peeled your hand away from his arm and held onto it as he helped you up the step onto your actual porch landing.

“Hyunjae,” you tried as you turned to face him—leaving in complete silence seemed incomprehensible, unimaginable.

“I’m sorry,” he replied quietly, but his gaze was still cast to the side of you. “I guess just actually seeing you, actually sitting down with you at the table with my family like old times just…opened wounds I didn’t know were there…”

The tone in his voice and the look in his distant gaze was like putting salt in the wounds you knew were there, you knew had been there for years. It took a few moments of silence, but his eyes eventually found yours. He looked at you with a tenderness you’d never seen out of him before, and of course, over six years there was a lot of growing and a lot of changes, but this particular look put knots in your stomach, unlike anything you had ever felt before.

“I think if we’re going to do any mending, that’s a talk we need to have,” you answered, finally noticing the way his hand lingered in yours, the way it had been for the last few moments that you hadn’t registered his fingers playing with yours.

The moment his gaze turned away from yours again, you took a step forward and your hand left his to turn his chin back towards you. “That means you can’t run away again,” you reminded him, as if his first departure away to college was him running away in the first place.

He nodded in your soft grip, but you could see the way his brow ached to draw together.

“Go home, sleep on it, get the right words… we’ll talk,” you told him, hands both dropping back to your sides.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, but this time you weren’t sure what for. Just as you were about to turn towards your door to leave him, he took you around the middle and dragged you into him, hulling you up against his firm chest as his arms tightened against you. Initially, you were surprised. The audacity, but also the guts it took to pull you into a hug when he was stumbling over his words like a dancer with two left feet. Your hands ghosted up his arms, slowly feeling his frame—tall and warm against your own—before your arms draped across his shoulders. Your head was turned to the side, pressed against his collar turned inwards towards the center, and, much to your own surprised, you relished the hug like home. This felt akin to the hug he gave you before you both departed to your separate cities, vowing that he would maintain contact which quickly disintegrated. Honestly, it had tears pricking at your eyes like you were saying goodbye all over again, but also releasing the gates on the emotions you’d stowed away for all those years with no thoughts that he’d ever come back.

His breathing was now even more noticeably rickety with your head pressed up against his chest. A few more times he apologized, still for reasons you weren’t aware of, and squeezed you even tighter for just a moment longer before he was finally releasing you.

“I’ll wait until you’re inside,” he said as you stepped back from him, and even still he wouldn’t look right at you.

“Go home safely,” you replied, stepping backward until your back unceremoniously hit your front door. You were pawing at the handle, watching him wait for you until you finally popped the door to let yourself inside. “Goodnight, Hyunjae,” you added.

“Goodnight,” he replied, and your gaze finally met his before you turned to close him away from you.

--

Hyunjae spent the next couple of days mulling over your brief conversation about a conversation that still was yet to be had. It was up to him to find you when he was ready; obviously, he had a lot to say to you which would undoubtedly be coupled with a bit of stumbling around for the correct words, no matter how many days he had to think about it.  

At least, he attempted to think about it. He slowly kicked his way down the river-front walkway to the dock where you used to play around as kids. The river-front was full of all kinds of neat little local mom and pop shops that gave life to the town, especially when the sun was setting in spring or fall when it gleamed off the river just right and an array of purples and oranges and all the colors in between painted the sky so beautifully. It used to be an empty area, abandoned commercially with the docks left to be perfect ground to play pretend as kids.

He remembered the dock fondly as he stepped off the concrete path and onto the surprisingly preserved wooden boards that looked like they had been sanded and re-varnished recently. Maybe the dock was still in use for smaller boats, or maybe those people who owned the river-front stores kept it looking nice for tourism purposes. Either way, he was happy, because that meant he had to worry less about splinters.

The tide was out, so there was plenty of room for Hyunjae to dangle his legs off the side of the dock as he took a seat, looking out to the glittering seawater which was reflecting the aforementioned sunset colors. He recalled all the fond memories he had of this particular dock with you—it was where you spent most of your time together playing pirates and other silly little kids games and remembered one time very vividly when he was roughhousing a little too much and you ended up tumbling off the dock into the water. He was lucky his older sister was there to pull you out—you were maybe six or seven at the time; he remembered how bad he felt, how many times he profusely apologized and the way you smiled about it, laughed about it even and gave him a hard time for being too concerned. Looking back on it, he wouldn’t have changed anything.

Incessantly he gnawed at his bottom lip, doing a little more thinking of the way things used to be and less thinking about what he would say to you when the inevitable conversation came. Maybe he’d benefit from playing through his memories, and he would have continued to think of them if there wasn’t an iced drink being shaken right next to his ear.

He jumped, a bit startled by the sound, and looked over to a stout iced coffee being handed to him and followed the arm up to your face, where you smiled at him jovially with the straw of your own coffee comfortable between your lips.

“Did you know I would be here?” he asked you and tenderly took the coffee from you and scooted over to make a bit of room for you to sit next to him. You plopped down, hanging your legs off the side of the dock the same way his were for a moment, examining your coffee as you stirred it.

“I had a hunch… and then I stopped by your house,” you told him, implying that they had told you that he went for a walk, but how many places could he possibly go in a city that wasn’t his anymore.

“I’m not ready to have the talk,” he replied quickly as to not get your hopes up about it.

“That’s okay,” you said, “we don’t have to talk about that, we can talk about anything. Or we don’t have to talk at all.”

“But you bought me a coffee—”

“I could see you from the shop,” you laughed, referencing the river-front shop maybe fifty yards away.

Hyunjae just nodded, still too nervous to even look at you again since taking the coffee from you in the first place. He hadn’t even tasted it, just continued to spin the ice around the clear plastic cup as condensation built up on its sides before finally mustering the courage to thank you for the coffee.

A few moments of silence passed--if he didn’t have anything to say, that was fine, but you wouldn’t be the one to force conversation as you kicked your feet back and forth and continued to sip on your coffee. You found the nerves fluttering around in your stomach were also making it hard to look at him, which probably benefitted him anyway.

You wouldn’t, and couldn’t, blame him for being closed off, and gave him a pass for a couple of days ago, the affection and openness after the first time seeing you; the well of emotions was hard to ignore especially when the two of you used to be so close. But now that he had a few days to settle in, a few days to think about that… a different tune was expected. The imminent conversation that loomed in the background of both your minds (perhaps at the forefront of his) was only exacerbating the awkwardness you stewed in.

“Do you want me to go?” you asked after a moment; you had, after all, been the one to come second. It was his dock if he wanted it.

“No, I’m sorry. A million things are running through my mind, and I’m just trying to not say something stupid,” he replied, and finally, the blood rushing through him gave him enough adrenaline, faux confidence, to turn his head just enough to peer at you from the corner of his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make this trip so hard on you—”

“It’s not you, it’s me. It’s one hundred percent me, and that’s the part I’m grappling the hardest with. I just…” He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself as he ran his free hand through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead just to let it flutter back into place. “You must hate me, for treating you the way I did. For never bothering to check in with you, or even come back. For just leaving you behind like you were nothing.”

His words stung, indubitably. Although that was the fact of the matter, you’d always tried to make excuses for him, but when he gave it to you in total plainness, you understood his feelings a bit better.

“I was afraid to go, and part of me felt like I would be better off if I just… forgot about here and everything with it.” He paused for a moment, biting that bottom lip harder than ever before, and stifled a growl deep in his throat when he finally clenched his teeth together. “I’m sorry, for being such a… freaking jerk!” His voice raised volume at the end of his sentence, emphasizing the way he assumed you felt about him because that was how he felt about him.  “There’s so much more I want to say to you but I just don’t… I don’t have the right words yet.”

He took a deep swig of his coffee to try to cool himself off after winding himself up, but it was mostly so he’d shut up before saying anything else harmful because he could already feel the shift in your aura that wasn’t so jovial anymore. Admittedly, his words clawed at the metaphorical stitch job over your wounds, pulling hard at the threads that closed them up, and you could taste a bit of that initial pain resurfacing. Emotionally, you didn’t want to have that coming conversation, but logically you knew that if you were going to heal completely about each other that it was entirely necessary.    

“Thank you for being vulnerable with me,” you finally said after a few moments of silence. You knew how much it took to get just even that out, the amount of pride he undoubtedly had to push aside to admit fault in the first place. The fact that he openly admitted he was afraid was somehow unlike the Hyunjae you used to know.  

He couldn’t even look at you again and took another sip of his coffee to effectively polish off the small cup before he discarded it to the side you sat on. Gingerly, you collected it intending to throw it away when you left, guessing it would be before him. The silence that loomed between you had you able to hear the way his fingernails scratched against the fresh varnish of the dock in frustration.

“Why are you even sitting here with me? I wouldn’t even have the patience to talk to me until it was time to hear me grovel at your feet about what a piece of shit I was and how I don’t even deserve you to still be in my life anyway and that it was foolish of me to even go to your house, to begin with, and—”

“Stop,” you interrupted, maneuvering both cups to one hand somehow just so you could set your now free hand down on top of his to squeeze it.  

“But I just—”

“Hyunjae, stop!” you pleaded, and he’d finally turned to look you in the eye, entirely, for the first time since you sat down. “You’re not a piece of shit—”

“Only that could possibly do to you what I did; a spineless and weak little—”

“Enough!” you begged—now he was just making you angry, but only because you were hurt with the way he beat himself up harder than you ever would; that was something you found familiar about him.  “You know I don’t think that!”

“Don’t sit here and lie to my face like this,” he almost growled. “I know what I did to you, and I would hate me—”

“Great, but you’re not me,” you fired back with matched ferocity, and so you exchanged your look between his eyes, noting the way they shimmered amber reflecting the sunset light off the water, noting the way they looked at you with such intensity, while trying to stave the tears that were pushing against his waterline. There was a bubbling against your throat, words you knew you didn’t want to say that burned like wildfire. You continued to switch between his eyes, knowing the things queued weren’t going to help the situation in any way and so, to avoid saying something you knew you’d regret, and since you knew he wouldn’t stop pushing you, you pushed up from the dock and took his empty plastic cup with you to leave him with the burn of your hand on top of his and that distinct lack of your gaze into his eyes.

Then, and only then, did the tears that threatened have room to fall. His nails scraped against the dock even harder as he clenched his fist, still able to feel the warmth of your hand on top of his as he stared through the ghost of your presence. His jaw was tight, and his tears were hot—they were angry, frustrated, discontent but not with you. The wounds were deeper than he thought, still more tender than he thought, and all that led him to a harsh conclusion—the final talk would be even worse hell than he initially imagined.  

__

A few days away from each other allowed for a bit of cooling off. Hyunjae drafted a few notes of things he wanted to say to you but often scrapped them, knowing that it would sound ingenuous if he was reading off a cue card. Several crumpled half sheets of paper filled his trashcan, a sight that annoyed him even as he lay on his bed with his eyes closed, knowing he needed to get something to stick. It was already two weeks into summer break and while there was plenty of break left, the sooner you had this talk, the sooner he would stop feeling like complete garbage for being in the same town as you.

That’s really what it was; initially, it felt so good to see you again—although you’d changed a lot in six years, the familiar presence made home feel a lot more comfortable. But the more he settled in, the more he thought about it—thought about what you were feeling, thought about how you made him feel, thought about everything that went down before he said what he imagined was his last goodbye and quite frankly, for as much as he cherished and cared about you, the goodbye was sub-par to shit. And he knew it would come crashing down, that comforting euphoria of having you close to him again when those fateful words exited your mouth: that’s a talk we need to have.

He hated the feeling that was coursing through him now, touching every nerve ending he had, absolute dread. Now, he was feeling like it was a mistake to come back, although he was entitled to the town as much as you were as his family lived there also—the biggest mistake was trying to see you again.  

A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts and his eyes opened to look at it as it began to crack open. His sister had a tray with some cups and a kettle on that she was maneuvering through the door, pushing it back closed with her foot as she set the tray on the large dresser to the left. She looked at Hyunjae before noticing the pile of paper around his small garbage.

“What happened?” she asked, knowing it was something because Hyunjae seldom spent so much time in his room, plus he’d been off for a couple of days since he’d seen you at the dock.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Hyunjae replied, gracefully accepting the freshly poured tea his sister was handing him.

“I don’t think that’s what I asked,” she replied—she usually didn’t let him get away with that, even since they were kids.

Hyunjae sighed and blew on his cup of tea for a moment. “Just marinating in the consequences of my colossal fuck ups,” he replied with a fake smile to the emptiness of his room, although the statement was directed at his sister.

“She doesn’t hate you, if that’s what you think,” she replied and took a seat on his bed. “She’s hurt about you; I’d be hurt about you. There’s a lot to process between the two of you right now, a bit deeper than you might expect to find. It’s awkward and tense and tough to swallow, but you have to do it if you want to salvage it. But I know she doesn’t hate you.”

He swallowed hard; he didn’t even want to look at his sister for the time being as he was having a hard time with the things she was even saying—they were true; he knew they were true. But about you not hating him? Maybe he didn’t believe that. He was slipping into his thoughts again before his phone started vibrating in his pocket. It was unusual, because seldom did anyone call anymore, and who would be calling anyway? He finagled it out of his pocket to look at the caller ID to see someone he recognized: Kevin Moon.  

Hesitantly, he swiped to answer, leaving his sister to occupy herself about his room.  

“Hello?” he muttered unconfidently.

“Hyunjae! I heard you’re finally back in town!” Kevin’s voice seemed a bit too jovial, jolting Hyunjae a bit.  

“Ahh… yeah. It’s been a minute, huh?” he inquired less enthusiastically.

“A minute! More like a lifetime; you’ve been gone for six years! Anyway enough about that; I’ve planned a get-together for a bunch of friends from back in the day! You know, our high school group! When I heard you were back, I had to invite you! You should come by, I’m sure everyone would love to see you!”

It would be rude to ask who was invited, and then decide based on that; but there was certainly a handful of people he would do better not seeing again, perhaps.  He had an answer queued in his throat, he wanted to say that he wouldn’t make it—

“You better go, you’re not doing anything and you need to get out,” his sister commented, loud enough for Kevin to hear.

The look on Hyunjae’s face dropped in an instant when Kevin confirmed that he heard and looked at his sister with daggers in his eyes.

“I’ll kill you,” he mouthed to her but she just smiled and sipped her tea. He composed himself with a deep breath before agreeing to be there and briefly negotiated the time and place and after Kevin hung up, he let out an exasperated sigh.

“There are so many people who are going to be there that I don’t want to see,” he grumbled.

“But there’s so many people who you do! Plus, people who would love to see you, and you can’t just mope around here all day, I won’t have it!” she exclaimed and took her seat back next to him. “You need to get out; sitting up here and thinking about what you’re going to say will make you age too fast. The right words will come, I promise.”

“I think you’re too confident,” Hyunjae said.

“I need to be confident for both of us,” she reminded him and filled her cup back up before leaving him with the rest of the pot in his room.

It was already late in the afternoon at that point, and Kevin’s party would be starting in a couple of hours. He sat on his bed with his legs crossed as he finished off the pot of tea, taking up another half an hour before finally deciding he would shower for the party and at least try to look more put together than he felt.  What did the extent of the old group mean? Because you were technically part of the old group; asking about you outright would be too suspicious. There would be plenty of people there to keep you both distracted from each other especially since they’d undoubtedly seen you far more, which meant it was likely he’d be engaged the whole time.

He set the tray off to the side on his desk—he’d take it back downstairs later—and grabbed some things for the shower with a sincere hope that some hot water would help clear his mind. And perhaps he spent far too much time in there, because by the time he got out and checked the clock it was already twenty minutes passed when he thought it was. He rushed through toweling his hair somewhat dry enough to comb it a certain way and hoped it would stay, tugged on a black button-up and a light wash pair of jeans before he was heading out the door, mentioning briefly to his parents that he was going to Kevin’s, a name they were familiar with, and that he’d be back later.

When Kevin answered the door, it was nothing short of a party right there. It had been a long time since any of them had seen him, so the commotion was understandable, and then an actual genuine smile broke on Hyunjae’s face as he clapped hands with his buddy who was quickly garnering the attention of the other party-goers who had also missed him.  

Hyunjae stepped through the door, a cup immediately put in his hand as he greeted all his old high school buddies amongst the dimly lit room. Kevin always knew how to set the mood of a get-together; this was no different, done up with candles and string lights that slowly faded to different soft colors with some low music in the background. There were a couple of yard games going on outside, corn hole and beer pong with tables of appetizers and coolers full of drinks of all varieties.  

“Wow, Kev, you went all out,” Hyunjae commented and reached into his pocket for his wallet to try and supplement some of the cost, but Kevin stopped him immediately.

“You’re the guest of honor; you’re the whole reason I put this thing together,” he replied and encouraged him to put his wallet back. “When I heard you were back I knew the guys would be stoked to see you. It seems like you’ve been gone a lifetime!”

Hyunjae laughed nervously and hoped that he wouldn’t be asked why he never came back to visit. It was a thought he was still grappling with; a thought he knew half the answer to but the other half was something he’d rather not visit. He had mentioned it to you out loud that day on the dock and it left a burning in his throat ever since—he couldn’t decide if it was because it was the truth or because he knew he was only telling you part of it.   Regardless, he tried to push it from his mind before taking a swig from the plastic solo cup in his hand: a hurricane tasting concoction that wasn’t quite right and a bit too strong.  

As he expected, he was fairly occupied with the swaths of conversations, always being caught by someone new he thought he’d never see again to strike up a conversation about what he was up to and so far, he’d avoided the dreaded question about not visiting. It was safe to assume that he was just caught up in things; Hyunjae was always a hard studier; school was very important.  In a fairly short time, considering the duration of Kevin’s parties typically, he’d gotten through most of the high school group who had come up to him in small circles to greet him and catch up a bit.  

For a bit, he’d been roped into a couple of games of corn hole. It was fun while it lasted, although he couldn’t say he was any good at it. It was the bonding and laughing that counted, especially when someone’s throw was particularly bad and they all laughed at each other for never playing games like this in their college days—it seemed everyone turned out to be quite studious in their time at school and spent less time at frat parties.  

When one of the rounds was finally over and Hyunjae’s drink had run dry, he found a replacement for his team and excused himself back inside the house to make something more his speed. There were a few small circles of people who seemed like they were all catching up—turned out he wasn’t the only one gone for an extended period. Hyunjae dug through a cooler for a can of coke to mix his own drink before he was overhearing some drama he probably shouldn’t have concerned himself with, but it was right around the corner from the kitchen and it sounded unwelcomed.  

“Please just leave me alone,” a voice Hyunjae recognized sounded quietly. Suddenly his desires were conflicted when could tell they were trying not to make a scene but then recognized the voice as yours. On the one hand, he figured the two of you needed a little more space, but on the other hand, was he about to just stand by and let whoever was bothering you continue to do so?

No, he couldn’t let it go, and set his cup down on the kitchen counter, and carefully rounded the corner of the wall to find you sandwiched between it and Sangyeon, someone he considered to be close friends with at one point in time. The look on your face when you finally opened your eyes to see him was nothing short of desperate, but Sangyeon had you locked in tight.  

Hyunjae wanted to verbalize his protest, but the look on your face caught his words in his throat. Instead, he stepped forward and took Sangyeon’s shoulder to pull him away from you.

“She asked you to leave her alone,” he was finally able to manage just as Sangyeon had stumbled back slightly, ready to give Hyunjae a few choice words before meeting eyes with the familiar younger male.  In less than a second flat, you’d scrambled off the wall to take Hyunjae’s arm as he protectively tucked you behind him, expecting a confrontation. Sangyeon knew the history between you and Hyunjae well.

“Dude, it’s cool,” he tried, a friendly smile on his face as he reached for you.

“Dude, it’s not cool. She asked you to leave her alone,” Hyunjae fired back, taking a step back, and subsequently stepping you back.

“Babe, just tell him—”

“I’m not your babe anymore, Sangyeon. I thought that was clear,” you spat from behind Hyunjae.  Although there was shock in his subconscious, he couldn’t let that display on his face. He kept his expression as stone-cold as possible as he glared down the older male who was gritting his teeth. It wasn’t hard to piece together the situation; you and Sangyeon used to date, you called it off and Sangyeon didn’t like it.

“I got it, Hyunjae,” Sangyeon tried again, as if trying to convince him that it was a situation he didn’t need to be a part of, but he could feel your grip tighten a little bit on his arm and he wasn’t about to abandon you—he didn’t care who to.

“How about you take a walk,” Hyunjae suggested, knowing what Sangyeon was implying. The older seemed shocked by his reply, and rightfully so. “She asked you to leave her alone; I don’t think she should have to do so again.”  

There was an uncomfortable silence that loomed between the three of you, and you could see the look in Sangyeon’s eyes that you were pretty familiar with and so tugged yourself closer to Hyunjae. The younger raised his brow, prompting for a reply or for the older to move on. It was clear Hyunjae wasn’t going to back off, especially not as he tucked you just a little bit further behind him.

“Take a walk,” Hyunjae reaffirmed, a growl on the tail of his words and he stood firm until Sangyeon growled, attempting to glare past the other male to get to you, but Hyunjae consistently stepped in his view to make sure that would not be successful.

It hurt your pride a little bit, to be rescued from your ex-boyfriend by anyone at that party, but most particularly Hyunjae who you were not expecting to see, although you were expecting him to be there—and you really weren’t anticipating him seeing that. Surely he knew, and surely he gave you a couple of moments to decide what you wanted to do as you stood against him, against his back, waiting for Sangyeon to clear out and even beyond. Hyunjae’s rhythmic breathing was soothing as he made no moves and only looked forward; he could feel the way your hand still furled into his pressed black shirt, the way your forehead lay against his shoulder blade while his hands dangled at his sides.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a few moments. He was met immediately with a tightness of his shirt, as you gripped it a little harder.  “Did he hurt you, physically?” he asked, since he could tell you probably weren’t okay, at least for the time being, and he could feel you shake your head against his shoulder.  

“Let’s sit somewhere quiet,” he suggested and waited for you for a moment before you were peeling yourself off his back. You expected he wouldn’t look at you, just lead the way through the house that he had been in more times than he could count as he led you towards the back of the house, but not before being caught by a passerby. Feeling a tug on his arm as you responded to the tug on your arm, Hyunjae jolted to a stop.

“Are you okay?” Younghoon asked you. It wasn’t so far out of reach that you be put in a position you didn’t want to be in, but Younghoon couldn’t know that you’d just been rescued from one. Before you could answer, Hyunjae looked over his shoulder at Younghoon.

“O-oh,” Younghoon stuttered. Everyone around knew about you and Hyunjae. “Of course, I’m sorry,” he apologized, soothed only by the warmth of your smile as you pushed the threatening tears further and further so that you could finally get out of there as you were pulled into a back guest room—you could tell it was a guest room because of the décor and the dust on the furnishings. Hyunjae closed the door behind you as he found the light and flicked it on, giving you space to make yourself comfortable first and he would follow after.

You took a seat on the bed, first, letting everything soak in—starting with Hyunjae and your interaction at the dock for a short time before the situation with Sangyeon, how you would manage to make it through the rest of the party without more problems whether that be between you and Sangyeon, or Hyunjae.  You watched as Hyunjae’s dark shoes made it into view in front of you as you looked down at the pristine wood flooring covered by an area rug.

The fray of your distressed jeans entertained your hands, picking at it nervously as you took a few deep breaths. There was an almost silent noise that came from him as he stuck his hands in his pockets, rolling his shoulders a bit before letting out a rickety exhale. He wasn’t sure what to say at the moment; between Sangyeon, Hyunjae’s blow up at the dock, the kind of bad terms you were on with each other.

“May I see your face?” he asked. He hadn’t seen it since the begging look in your eyes and he wanted to wash that away from his memory. Slowly, you raised your head to look up at him, but he wasn’t sure it was any better. The tears were cropped up against your waterline, tears you were desperately trying to fight off as your shaky fingers continued to pluck the threads on your jeans.

His jaw fell open, so many words queued at the front of his throat but none of them felt good enough to soothe the look on your face as you looked up at him, but also looked around him. Trying to decide if staying there or if reaching for you was the better option, he stood there with his fingers furled in his pockets. A few emotions swirled inside of him, feelings he couldn’t quell; he desperately wanted to avoid you once arriving, but the look on your face pressed firmly against his heart because he still cared deeply for you.

“I-I’m sorry,” you stuttered, “I didn’t expect it, him, any of it. I told Kevin, he said it would be taken care of and—”

Hyunjae gathered you into the warmth of his chest, wrapping both arms tightly around you to provide you some semblance of safety as he sat to your side on the bed.

“You do not have to apologize to me; I only wish I could have helped you sooner,” he reminded you, rocking with you a little bit before he sat more squarely on the bed and tugged you to hold you more firmly, more steadily, more securely. You hid your face against his neck, and the tightening in his throat at the feel of your warm tears against his skin was incomparable.

“I’ll have a word with Kev—”

“Please don’t,” you begged. “This was supposed to be a party for you and I don’t want it to be ruined because of me, because of Sangyeon; I should have never come, I knew it was a mistake, that there was no way it could be assured,” you explained, somehow finding your way to your feet after pushing away from him.

“Don’t…” he pleaded, reaching out to take your hand as he looked up to you now as you stood before him. “Don’t say that. I’m happy you came.” He was playing with your fingers at this point, not minding that you were looking down at that instead of at him.  

“It will be getting dark soon and there will be tons of lights all over the backyard if you’ll accompany me to play some games,” he reminded you. Kevin had hosted many parties in the past with decorations just the same—twinkling multicolored lights hanging everywhere he could get them and then some to really set the mood. Hyunjae had clearly remembered how awed you were by the lights at night from the last parties you’d come to, and that in and off itself set a few butterflies free in your stomach. You looked up to him, meeting his eyes which looked at you so tenderly. It was a tough spot to be in considering, but he wasn’t about to send you back out there knowing uncertainly that Sangyeon was still looming around and would no doubt continue to cause problems if you were on your own.

He waited for your gentle nod before taking your hand fully, cupped flush against his as he guided you out of the bedroom, and shut the light off behind him to take you out to the backyard where everyone was playing games and mingling. Some conversation fell quiet as they watched you pass, others came up to speak with you more openly before he took you to a game you could play standing side by side, and he made a promise to you that he wouldn’t let you out of his sight until he knew Sangyeon was gone.

And thankfully, for both of you, the party passed pretty quickly with a handful of guests bidding farewell to Hyunjae, reiterating that it was good to see him and that he should come back and visit more often because they all missed him—you were not to be forgotten, as they all bid you farewell as well. Some whispers lingered, some sly grins and knowing gazes as they looked at the two of you, seemingly entirely blind to it.

The games had been put away as it got dark out, not even the twinkling fairy lights illuminated the backyard enough to keep the games going, but nobody seemed to mind. The fire pit was lit and a handful of folks sat around it with drinks in hand just letting the conversation flow. You were among those sitting around it, listening to the stories being shared, some about Hyunjae, but others just reminiscing about your high school times and how much some of them missed the simplicity of life back then. Sangyeon, from what you understood, had been long gone, so you felt comfortable sitting by yourself without Hyunjae’s watchful gaze as he fixed you both a drink in the kitchen before emerging with a plastic cup which was put into your line of sight in no time. You took it, looking up at him, but after his hand was emptied it continued to linger. He motioned his head out to the depths of the backyard where more lights were strung about the garden and it would give you some quiet time. Daintily, you placed your hand in his and let him lift you from the lawn chair—there was a missed beat in the conversation for a moment, but continued quickly to try and not look suspicious.

Hyunjae guided you to the exact spot at the foot of a large tree that was upending the wall that housed the backyard and disturbed some other brickwork of the nearby flower garden, but he knew a good spot where the roots dodged just enough for a plush place to sit and placed himself in it first.  You looked at him, skeptical for a minute. There was a choice of where to sit, and he looked at you with no expectations that it would be like old times, so he was a tad surprised when you planted your knees in the grass in front of him and handed over your drink for a second to situate yourself, turning and placing yourself in front of him, between the cage of his legs that bent around you, and gently leaned back into the warmth of his body before collecting your drink.

“You didn’t have—”

“I could use some familiar safety right now,” you interrupted quickly, knowing exactly what he was going to say. Besides, he brought you out there for some peace which typically came from safety and you made the choice on your own.

Hyunjae hummed and leaned back against the trunk of the tree to slouch you a little deeper. Your head rested against his shoulder as you enjoyed the coolness of the evening air, the gentle sounds of crickets and other nightlife, the glow of the galaxy beyond, and the twinkling lights in the gardens around. The only unnatural sounds were that of ice melting in your cups, disturbing your drinks when the structure changed, and the way the cups sounded being moved around. It was quiet, and for the most part, you preferred it that way, but you knew another inevitable question was coming.

“You don’t have to tell me because quite frankly it’s none of my business, but what’s your history with Sangyeon?” he finally asked you. Your cup crinkled in your hand, flimsy under your grasp for only a moment while your other hand plucked a handful of blades of grass from the ground with some quiet pops. He didn’t want to make it too obvious that he didn’t like the idea of you and Sangyeon for reasons he could go on about.

“Long story short, we got together for… reasons… albeit not good ones, and he turned out to be entirely as controlling as you witnessed. I broke it off, he didn’t like it, and heard about this party and knew I’d be here… for you…”

“You should have told me,” he whispered, his voice right above your ear and you could feel the way his jaw shifted against the side of your head.

“We weren’t exactly on great terms,” you reminded him, noting the distress of his jeans against the knee, and mindlessly to distract yourself, you fiddled with the loose strands that were fraying, easy to reach with his knees bent to enclose you. “Besides, I heard there was a chance you wouldn’t show anyway. We all kind of determined that you intentionally hadn’t visited. Not that we thought you hated us, just that you wanted to move on.”

There was a tightening around Hyunjae’s heart he hated as you spoke those words. Hearing you say it hurt in a different way than him coming to grips with it himself. His legs couldn’t help but close on you a bit, a frustrated grunt squeaking from his mouth. Not here, he thought, not now. This was not the best place to be having that conversation, but little did you know that was the conversation.

“I owe you all an explanation, truly,” he said.

“You don’t, really. You have your reasons for doing things that are your own. You don’t owe anyone anything,” you said.

“I owe it to myself, then,” he retorted, “and I want to start with you. But that’s part of the big conversation and while I know you have granted me gracious time to collect my thoughts… it’s a conversation I’d rather have without prying ears as it only concerns you and me without the speculation of anyone else.”

“Hyunjae…” you trailed off, turning your head to fight against his, fluttering at the feel of the corner of his mouth and nose against your forehead. His eyes clenched tightly, once again trying to fight off the feelings, the thoughts, trying not to repeat the day on the dock. To steel his nerves, he turned to the side and took a large swig of his drink, feeling your hand wrap against the outside of his knee to tug it against your body. If it was one thing about Hyunjae you were really in tune with, it was his emotions—you tended to feel how he felt, to understand without him having to say much—and it held true even with six years apart.

“I don’t want you to feel rushed and I won’t force the conversation, but I know you want to say a lot of things, so when you’re ready…” you uttered, nuzzling your chin under his jaw. You were pushing, unintentionally, at the seams of his packaged distress. He was doing his absolute best to be there, to be the open and comforting Hyunjae he always was to you, and that was his ultimate demise. The very concept of Sangyeon put a pit in his stomach, and it didn’t even have to be Sangyeon, it just had to be anyone that wasn’t him. But how was he supposed to tell you everything? About why he left, about the things, the feelings, he wanted to leave behind without seeming insulting to you; and then how was he to address that those same issues never went away, that seeing you for the first time even after all that time stoked the same fire, if not more so.

But back then he was just a kid, and it felt stupid, all of it. The distance hurt like hell, but after a bit it became refreshing. Each year got easier to not come back; but he missed his friends, he missed his family, he missed you, but he didn’t miss the way he bit his tongue, the way he stowed his feelings, the way he’d dare not ruin the amazing friendship you had over what he called selfishness. He wanted you to be free without his burden, which ultimately started driving his choice to leave.

He never changed; he could still feel the tip of his tongue clamped between his teeth, still feel the churning in his stomach with the attempt to put his feelings away, the lump in his throat which felt like a swollen version of his heart, a hole in his chest which the alcohol wasn’t helping in the slightest.

“I think it’s about time we head home,” Hyunjae commented after a few moments of tense silence. You were trying to understand the emotions you were feeling via Hyunjae, the way he was feeling, the sudden tenseness of his body, the closed-off disposition. “I’ll walk you,” he added, a lulled whisper in your ear.

You both made your way to your feet, discarding your cups in the kitchen after bidding everyone goodnight and thanking Kevin for the hospitality. You all lived close, the same homes from the district which put you in close walking distance. Hyunjae offered his elbow to you the way he always did, and the both of you meandered rather slowly to your home where he could drop you off. You wrapped both hands around his bicep, a million thoughts running through both of your heads, putting you in seemingly different worlds than each other while walking right next to one another.  

Needless to say, the two of you arrived at your front porch far sooner than either of you were ready. Hyunjae took your hand to help you up the step onto your landing, but the lingering way he gazed at you let you know that he was feeling the same way; that for some reason you weren’t quite ready to leave now that you were really alone. But it was already late, had to have been past midnight, and lingering on your landing could look suspicious.

Still, you turned to look at him, not so much at his face, but at his throat, at the undone button of his black shirt, at the way his throat shifted as he swallowed hard. His thumbs were hooked in his pockets as he stood as attentive as he could muster, waiting for you like he always did. You, on the other hand, fiddled with the hem of your shirt as you thought of what to say, what to do, if it would be best to just say goodnight and be on your way, or if you had something more to say.

Your gaze finally landed on his face, looking over his features. He must have been able to feel your gaze, because slowly his eyes flittered up to meet yours, glimmering in the dim porch light. With you up on the landing, the two of you were closer to the same height—you smiled, remembering how much he’d matured since you last saw him.  It seemed like the only thing that could roll off your tongue was his name, so almost silently it did so once more. You watched his gaze shift between your eyes, his feet shuffled forward to bring himself closer to the landing. Slowly, your hands came up; an innate desire to put them against him had you placing them gently on his shoulders. His breath shuttered against your face, jaw tightening as your brow furrowed a bit.

He was so close to you, your arms were entirely folded at the elbow, you could practically feel the warmth radiate off him, his face had to be no further than a couple of inches now that his eyes were peering slightly down at you and still glimmered like the galaxy captive. It took a second for you to realize that his face was sinking closer to yours, that his head tentatively tilted just as his nose brushed against yours. You took a deep breath, fingers anticipatorily furling against his shoulders as his lips fleetingly brushed yours. He waited a moment for you to object, one of his hands freeing itself from his pocket to place tenderly against your hip while your breath was caught in your throat, but when you did not attempt to move away or verbally object, he leaned in further.

It took only a second for you to fall entirely into his grasp, feet shuffling forward just a tad as he slipped his hand around your back to put your body against his; your arms slid around his neck especially as he stepped up onto the landing, and guided you backward to gingerly press you up against your front door with a few readjustments. You couldn’t quite place the mix of flavors you were tasting, but it was clouding your better judgment—many factors were in play between the kiss, the way his fingers pressed into your lower back, the way he had you arching against him, the Sangyeon panic, the alcohol, the distance, which all made the experience surreal. But you couldn’t deny the way your chest was exploding, the way your nerves were all on end, the way it felt so right after so many years.

You almost sighed, the way his tongue flicked against your bottom lip before your subconscious was pinging on the Sangyeon panic, and your arms retreated from his neck to weakly push against his shoulders. He tugged away, the tender sounds of a broken kiss ringing in your ears like a train whistle before those same warm lips were pressing soft kisses against your jaw, and only after a successful few did you find any words to push from your throat.

“Maybe don’t,” you uttered, more as a sigh as your head tilted back to quietly hit your door, “my breakup is still fresh, and we still need to talk.”

Your voice was a whisper of the wind, but still enough for him to ease off, to pull back and press his forehead against yours after noticing your eyes were closed. His hands tugged your hips into his since your hands were still flittering somewhat across the nape of his neck. Your tongue darted out to flick across your lips, remnants of rum and coke lingered before he took a whole step away from you, and that meant the protective grasp of his hands against your hips was gone as well.

“I’m sorry,” you uttered, “I’m sure I’ve been sending you strong signals all night, and when you stepped in and… your safety and your scent and your touch and charm…”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to come back,” he muttered under his breath, looking up at the cracking paint of your porch covering. He hoped it wasn’t loud enough for you to hear, but unfortunately, it was. You looked at him, queueing a couple of replies in your throat that never seemed to fit the situation and adequately explain how you felt at the same time. You waited only long enough for his gaze to cast back down to you, almost expecting you to say something, but you had twisted the knob to your door and disappeared into the darkness of your home without another word. Could you say it was the best decision? Perhaps not. But in that moment you feared that you would say something that would damage an already delicate situation. If you had just left it at the bit about the breakup and about needing to talk, he would have understood. Everything else just confirmed his fears about you; that you liked the idea of him.  He shook his head and turned to head home, ignoring the prying questions of his sister who was surprisingly still awake and, without turning a single light on, closed the door to his room and crawled into bed.

__

Hyunjae was quiet for subsequent days—too quiet, really, and under the prying and watchful eyes of his sister to look for anything to start a conversation about. Hyunjae was a brick wall. As stoic as anyone could be, almost emotionless, and that, in and of itself, was enough to break the ice about it.

“What’s turned you into a zombie?” she asked, closing the door behind her as she entered Hyunjae’s room. He was reading on the bed, but maybe he couldn’t even call it reading; it was more like his eyes were scanning the same ten sentences a hundred times, never once comprehending what any of it said only to start over from square one again. His brain was scattered, the was no arguing that. But while he thought that his scattered brain would provide him with at least some thought about how to handle the situation, there was no such luck for that either. He had become zombie-like between the lack of emotion and disregarding actions.

His eyes shifted over to her—he looked tired; dark circles around his somewhat reddened eyes, but maybe that was for a reason yet to be clear. He took a deep breath, closed his book, and turned to her.

“The same reason I left in the first place,” he replied, not anticipating that she would have an immediate response—she didn’t. She wasn’t confused, she had a pretty good idea why he left even though she never pressured him to say; he had to do what he had to do for himself and no one would stand in the way of that.

“Should I tell her you’re napping, then?” she finally said.

Those few words dropped on Hyunjae like a bomb. The gears ground in his head for a moment, trying to comprehend how incredibly dire the situation was seemingly suddenly. He blinked a couple of times.

“What?” he asked.

“Did I stutter? Do you want me to ask her to leave? She’s having tea with mom downstairs, I said I would come see if you were available since apparently you haven’t been answering your phone.”

He looked over at the device on his bed, remembering the decision he made right before he closed his eyes for the night to block your number. His heart simply couldn’t bear dealing with anything you had to say, if you did even dare attempt to contact him.

A deep sigh fell between his lips as he stared past his phone and at an undesignated imagined hole in the wall. He all but slapped his book down on his bed and dropped his face into his hands, running his fingers deep in his hair just to tug at it.

“Are you serious,” he growled. Was it not enough, what happened? Was it not clear enough that he wanted to just disappear back into the night like he had never shown back up in the first place?

“Whatever problem you’re having with her, you need to solve it before you leave again, if that’s what you decide to do. If that means closing that book, then do it; but leaving it open is only going to hurt more,” she advised, reaching over to take one of his hands after it fell slack at his side. He looked over at her, but he could tell by the look on her face that she was serious. Not closing the back cover left the wounds wide open and he had already experienced once just how painful that could be.

There was a knock on the door, followed by his mother’s voice, and before he even had time to object the door was being pushed open, and there you stood, looking like you’d slept as much if not less than himself.

Hyunjae let out a disappointed and frustrated sigh as he rolled his eyes away, his sister gave a displeased growl while you looked directly at him. Although Hyunjae’s sister harbored no ill will towards you, she cared immensely for Hyunjae which made the situation that much harder. She couldn’t stand to see him like this, but she also didn’t know the whole story, just that it was about you as so many things had been in the past. She stood and turned to Hyunjae for a moment.

“Do what’s best for you,” she reminded him, glanced at you, and side-stepped you to bring her mother away from the situation.

“Great,” Hyunjae growled sarcastically as he turned to sit on the side of his bed and meet your gaze to the best of his ability. Slowly you stepped in, closing the door behind you. The last thing you wanted was for this to turn into a blowout, but you knew things were rough between the two of you, and you could tell he was suffering just as much as you were about the entire thing.

“Hyunjae,” you greeted, not pleasantly nor firmly. He could see the quiver in your jaw just saying his name, but that didn’t stave off his fiery feelings in the slightest.

He muttered your name back, a greeting somewhat in return.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me—”

“Then why are you here?” he asked, almost barked.

You sighed, slinking against his door. Hyunjae tended to get rough when he was wounded, like a cornered dog who had no choice but to bite back.

“Because I gave you as much time as I could but it obviously can’t wait anymore,” you replied, trying to force confidence into your voice. You needed to stand your ground with him, even if you were never particularly good at doing so.

“You’re right, I don’t want to talk to you. Not only that, but I don’t think there’s anything to talk about anymore. So, sorry you came all the way here for nothing, but I don’t have anything left to offer you,” he snapped, standing from his bed and approached the door, and you, and reached out in an attempt to tug it open.

You pressed against it harder, forcing against his pull to keep the door closed. He scoffed and looked to your face containing the most determined look you could muster since you had arrived. You glared up at him and growled his name.

“You’re pissed at me, and you have every right to be. But we spent many years being the closest of friends, and whenever we had a spat, we always worked it out. And even if things are a bit rocky right now, and it looks like I’m not your friend, I’m at least here as someone who cares so deeply about you—in whatever way you want to interpret that—to try and work through this with you, the way he always have,” you almost pleaded, but with a conviction that made it sound more like a statement for the first time since you’d arrived.

“I know you’re hurting, and I know I’m the cause of that. But to think that I’m here for any other reason than to try and make it right…” you trailed off with the shake of your head, gaze trailing away from his for only a moment, “you know me better than that. And if I know anything about you, you left for a reason, so let’s start there.”

“What is this, freakin’ honesty hour?” he asked, taking a step away from the door, almost attempting to convince you that this was ridiculous, but your reply jarred him.

“Yes, it is, that’s the whole purpose of trying to solve something, being transparent.”

“You want me to be transparent?” he almost roared.

“I want us both to be transparent, Hyunjae,” you fired back, although quite a bit calmer than him.

He paced for a moment, trying to figure out how he was going to approach this—the best way didn’t matter to him, he just wanted to express his feelings at the expense of anyone else’s feelings, because everything to that point had been at the expense of his. You stayed pressed up against his room door, watching him pace, watching him think, watching the frustration build on his face until he finally got some words out.

“The other night,” he started, pausing his pacing to look at you, “when you just let me fall into a bear trap…” He laughed, but it wasn’t because it was funny—his brow was furrowed in disbelief as he looked at you, a hurt on his face you’d never seen before. “I left because I couldn’t take it anymore.”

You swallowed hard, having a good idea what he was talking about already, but you still wanted him to say it out loud—you still wanted to have a conversation.

“Couldn’t take what, Hyunjae?” you asked delicately.

“You,” he replied, jaw clenching for a moment, fists following before he took a deep breath himself. “The way we were. How… connected we were. How open and honest and upfront we were, how deep we were,” he explained, or tried.

“And the other night is related because?”

He bit his tongue, you could see it peek out from behind his teeth before he turned his face away from you, clenching his eyes before his hands found his dresser, holding him up in a sense as he leaned into it. A few deep and rickety breaths followed as he composed himself enough to say something.

“It confirmed the fears I struggled with, suffered with, that you only liked the idea of me. Confirmed the fears that you wanted me in theory, and how strained that made my ability to maintain a friendship with you. I left because it seemed easier to forget about the feelings when you weren’t right in my face. I left because I thought it would be easier to move on. You said the other day you sent me strong signals, and you did. They were strong signals; they were wrong signals—”

“They weren’t wrong,” you interrupted, “I was torn between respecting my relationship space with Sangyeon and being elated that you were back and willing to treat me like we’d never skipped a beat,” you tried to explain in return.

He spun to face you, tears already pushed off his face. His heart hurt unbelievably, fiery but in a negative way, squeezing in his chest as he formulated his reply.

“So you think it’s cool to just lead me on? To not only let me but encourage me to kiss you on your front porch and lean into it like you welcomed it, just to hit me with all that shit about my safety, my scent, my charm and in essentially the same breath tell me that I’ve crossed a line? I’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re just the one I won’t ever get over, but you don’t have to make it so damn hard for me the one time I do decide to come back!”

“Hyunjae—”

“Do not. Do not try to charm me with those pretty little eyes, with the sweet way you say my name—” he growled, unable to finish before you had something to say.

“I’m not!” you retaliated. “I am not trying to get out of what I did! I am not trying to discredit how you feel or play the victim in any way. I know my approach wasn’t great, and I will be the first to admit that. But if we could go back and redo the situation… if you hadn’t kissed me, I probably would have kissed you,” you expressed to him.

“I don’t like the idea of you, Hyunjae. I’ve always liked you. And when you left, it took me a few years to get in the game to try and move on… I got with Sangyeon because it felt, in the beginning, like he understood me. Like he empathized with my loss, which was you, and I had an aching, a pit that needed to be filled that I thought he could fill.  But that pit is shaped exactly like you, and I realized that nothing else will ever fit it properly…”

You tried so hard to maintain your resolve, but the way getting all of that off your chest made you feel in combination with the look on Hyunjae’s face, you weren’t sure how long you would last. You couldn’t tell if he thought you were lying or not.

“What a jerk I’ve been to you,” you continued, “This is why I get so mad about you saying stuff like how mean you’ve been to me; like you think I thought you left without a purpose. I didn’t know, exactly, your purpose at the time, but I knew it was one you needed for yourself. So, why would I think you were a jerk for that? When you didn’t reach out, I saw the signs like freeway billboards—”

“I loved you,” he interjected. “And I was so scared that if I had admitted that to you, that I would lose you, but I ended up losing you anyway because I was too weak to swallow the fact that I did love you. That I do love you. That those six years away did nothing to help me move on,” he replied, pouring it all out for you, finally saying what he needed to say for so many years and a weight lifted off his chest, but it didn’t stop the squeezing feeling.

“I got too worried trying to respect the relationship with a man who never respected me; who took advantage of me knowing I was vulnerable without you; and if I had come to that conclusion on the landing that night… Hyunjae, I may have not let you leave. It was like my favorite coffee on a cold day, like the sun on my skin in the late spring, like the spray of the water on the dock—nothing has ever felt more like home.”

Hyunjae let out a deep sigh, blinking back the tears that pushed at the outer corners of his eyes as he slipped to the floor. His gaze looked out but didn’t find anything in particular, clouded anyway. He took a moment to reflect on the way the hardwood panels felt underneath his fingers, the way breath filled his lungs, the way his eyes stung, the sound of you sliding down to the floor yourself against his room door.

There wasn’t much else that needed to be said, so the two of you sat across the floor from each other in relative silence for quite a few lingering moments. The both of you were trying to regulate your breathing, trying to quench the fire that burned deep down.

It took a moment, but he crawled across the floor of his room to sit up in the corner of the wall and the door and asked for your hand only to coax you over to him, between his legs to rest up against him as he settled his chin on your shoulder. From then, it was a matter of time and healing, and he wanted to spend the initial healing time with you in his arms in the quiet of his room as the both of you processed everything that was said.

All that could be heard throughout the room was perhaps gentle breathing, silently the continued refusal of tears that stung both your eyes. Hyunjae dug his face in the crook of your neck, even if you were turned away from him; he didn’t want you to see it. But even if you couldn’t see it, you could feel the way his rickety breath fell across your shoulder, the way he trembled against your back, the warmth of his tears against your skin and even though things were on the mend, that, in and of itself, stung like hell.

Hyunjae’s pain had always been your pain, and vice versa—his happiness, his burdens, his struggles, his successes and triumphs; they had always been shared because of your dynamic, and it was clear things weren’t about to change. It had always been a love the both of you were too afraid to admit because there was a very real chance it would drive you away from each other.

“I love you, Hyunjae…” you muttered. It was the only reassuring thing you hadn’t said.

His arms tightened around you, fingers digging deeper into the fabric of your shirt that furled in his grasp. There was a mumble into your skin—you didn’t hear him, but you had a decent idea what it consisted of.

It was contemptuous to even consider moving for a bit. Relishing each other’s presence seemed cathartic, to a point; it felt as though as you sat there with each other, after laying it all on the table, that the healing was somewhat fortified. As the time passed, your touches against each other were different, softer in a way, more calculated, and genuine. Millions of things were still running through each other’s minds—even though there was nothing left to say, you both were over thinkers to the core, so that occupied most of the silence between you. At least, until there was a knock on Hyunjae’s door. He hadn’t realized the time, or how much time had passed, but he helped you to your feet before tugging the door open to reveal his sister.

“We’re getting ready for dinner, you’re welcome to stay…” she hesitated, noting the look on both your faces. Your eyes were noticeably still red and swollen—you never had a quick recovery after crying, even if it was somewhat tame. Hyunjae was still pushing at his own tears, too.

“Thank you, but I should get going,” you replied, a sad smile on your face as you looked to Hyunjae who understood that not only would it be incredibly awkward, but that you both probably needed some time alone with your thoughts. He nodded encouragingly, agreeing with your conclusion before he began ushering you through his door. After following his sister down the stairs, you quietly greeted both of their parents, thanked them for the offer for dinner, and had Hyunjae show you out.

“I’ll walk you,” he asserted, but you quickly shook your head.

“Your dinner is hot, you should stay; it’s still light, I’ll be okay on my own,” you replied as you turned to face him, to look up into his somewhat swollen eyes, to catch the fleeting tremble of his lip as he looked back at you. Before he could nod in reluctant agreement, you reached out to take his hand and gently squeeze it. You used that hand to pull him closer to you, the half a step distance you needed to stand high on your toes to press a soft kiss against his cheek; it was sticky but you didn’t care. His eyes fell closed as you lingered there for a moment then you drifted back to the flats of your feet, gave his hand another squeeze, stepped off the landing of his house, and turned down the street. A few trickling moments passed before his sister collected him at the door, encouraging him back inside to try and eat something even if he wasn’t hungry. Surely, he would hear from you soon enough.

It was a weird type of limbo to be in, unknowing when it was appropriate to contact the other, and sheepishly waiting around for the other to do the dirty work. This inevitably led to another few days of silence, but that didn’t stop you from calling up Younghoon—your new closest friend since your falling out with Hyunjae—to ask for his advice, since he never seemed to give it unsolicited.

Nervously, you turned your iced coffee between your hands as you sat across the café table from him. Patiently, he continued to wait for you, never forcing a word out of you or a move of any kind. When you had called him up saying that you wanted to talk to him about Hyunjae, especially considering the look he gave you at Kevin’s party after Hyunjae had helped you out of a precarious situation, he was eager to meet with you—not because he had dirt or anything to spill, but because he knew, somewhere in there, you agonized over Hyunjae; sometimes in unhealthy ways. You had always been friends with Younghoon, so he was the natural next best to Hyunjae; expressly since he’d watched your friendship at its peak and watched the way it splintered into nothing—admittedly, he was the only one with your actual best interest in mind, particularly when you concluded that Hyunjae’s absence crushed you in ways you couldn’t explain initially.

“Sorry,” you muttered, a rickety diffident to your voice with another shaky exhale.

“I’m in no rush, you know I’m here for you,” he replied. “Why don’t we start with this; you mumbled hurriedly over the phone about how things had been solved, and then unsolved,” he prompted, giving you somewhere to jump off from since it appeared you were having a hard time finding somewhere to start.

A tough swallow broke down your throat as you thought about the instance in which he reached for your arm and asked if you were okay, your hand laced with Hyunjae’s.

“About that—he caught Sangyeon being… well, Sangyeon,” you answered. Part of you figured Younghoon would be offended you didn’t tell him about the incident with Sangyeon, and you honestly weren’t even positive he’d been seen by Younghoon or Kevin for that matter.

Younghoon’s eyes perked a little bit; the situation was a little different now that he knew you had been in Sangyeon’s clutches only to be rescued by Hyunjae. It seemed right, in all fairness.

“We’d fought a couple of days before—not really a fight, a small disagreement, and weren’t on the best of terms. It was a weird situation that went from bad to good to bad all in one evening…” You had to trail off, thinking about the events as they replayed in your mind. But it was salvaged now, right? You blew off your steam with each other and found a ground with equal footing, but things were still awkward.

“The point is, I’m here because we finally had a talk, and while it wasn’t really talking and more like yelling at each other and then breaking down into mutually pathetic messes, I came to ask you what you think is the best way to approach him now. We haven’t talked in a couple of days, I think we’re both kind of hinging on the other being the first to reach out for contact,” you explained.

Younghoon sat in contemplation for a moment. There was no correct answer to your question, and he couldn’t even say there was one approach that was better than the other. Even something as simple as texting him to ask how he was doing could be enough to open the door, so he didn’t take long to come up with that to say to you.

“I suppose you think it’s weird to just text him to ask how he is.” Apparently, the situation was a little more complicated in your eyes than he initially thought.

“I had six years to do that,” you replied, your plastic cup crinkling under the pressure of your fingers furling against it.

“Of course,” he answered, understanding the situation a little better. “To be completely honest with you, you both have overcome a lot already, if you consider. Between the frontages, the distance, the coming back together, and all the drama that came with all that, you both have managed to sort something positive out, right? I’m sure there’s nothing you could say that would have a negative impact short of telling him you wish he’d leave again, and I doubt you’re going to say that.”

A slight laugh escaped from your throat, but it could have been mistaken as a scoff just as much. It was ridiculous for Younghoon to even suggest that, because he was completely right—only if you became possessed would you consider saying that to him.

“I know it feels like a delicate situation, but I’m positive it’s far less delicate than screaming at him in the middle of his bedroom about how dumb you both were being after re-shattering his still splintered heart.”

“Ouch,” you responded, even if it was true, and it was never like Younghoon to pull punches when you needed to hear something. And he had always known of Hyunjae’s feelings for you, so that didn’t make this conversation any less brutal.

“Also, I’m not saying it will be instantaneous, but I’m also certain that deep in there he’s elated to have you back, too, and in the state he’d battled with himself about for some time. You might be best off asking to meet on neutral turf so there’s no awkward looming—I know how nosey Hyunjae’s sister can be,” Younghoon laughed and took a swig of his coffee, relaxing back into his chair which, inevitable, had you relaxing back into yours, letting his words sink in as you picked up your phone to type a message to Hyunjae about meeting up the next day.

--

The late evening sun glimmered off the water, stretching left and right as far as you could see. The soft ripples of the water catching the light to produce a river of diamonds while your legs hung off the edge of the dock. Your phone was tucked deep in your pocket, an unread message about Hyunjae being on his way to meet you sat in your notifications bar. There was an unexplainable tightening in your chest, but maybe it was just because it was the first time you were getting to see him after the tipping point.  An unreasonable voice called from the back of your mind to back out; that it had already been a rough time with him, maybe it was better to just let it go—a voice you had to really try to push away.  

Another rigid breath—how many had come in the last few days, you would have a hard time counting—as you steeled your nerves, clutching the edge of the dock as you tried to wait patiently, at least until a small cup jingled with ice from the side of your face. Hesitantly, you looked over and slowly followed the arm up to a familiar face. He smiled delicately, his lips barely tugging at the corners to produce it, but it was detectable by your trained eyes.

“Hi,” he almost whispered as you faltered a bit in taking the flavored iced tea from him; it was a little late in the evening to be having coffee—not that it had ever stopped you in the past. He took a seat next to you, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the dock next to yours. To say that he was sitting comfortably close was an understatement; his hip was effectively pressed up next to yours, just like old times, but there was a new sense of comfort that washed over you from the fact, even if the nerves were bundling in your throat.

“Hi,” you choked back, eyes never breaking their contact with his being even when he settled. “I’m going to apologize in advance if this is extremely awkward.”

“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you,” he laughed, looking out over the water to notice the same sea of diamonds you’d been entertaining yourself with since you took a place on the dock yourself. “Can’t say I’ve been through this before, so it’s definitely new and rocky terrain.”

“You seem jovial, nonetheless,” you replied.

“One of us has to try to keep a good spirit,” he joked, elbowing you in the side, reminding you that you weren’t exactly the mood-maker of your duo, before he took a swig of his tea. You followed suit, uttering your gratitude, before forcing a bit of confidence into your bones. All of the times you’d sat on the dock with him in the past in this very setting came rushing back to your immediate memory, and with it, all the times you’d begged to loop your arm around his. So, with a bit of hesitancy, you moved your tea to your hand opposite of him and swiftly stuck your hand under the crevice between his arm and torso to wrap your hand around his bicep, additionally leaning your head against his shoulder to avoid the imminent gaze that would no doubt scout your embarrassed features in half a second flat. Hyunjae did, in fact, turn to look, a more noticeable smile tugging at his face as he pulled that arm tighter to his body, acknowledging your courageous display of affection, and gave you the satisfaction of relishing it without some signature sassy remark from him as he leaned his head against yours.

The way you clenched your hand against his bicep was indicative of looking for something to say, scrapping any ideas you had in your head a handful of times. He knew you weren’t the best with words, especially after having a fight—that’s what he’d call it, because it kind of was—but that didn’t stop him from waiting for you to say anything. Instead, you opted to nudge your head up a little bit, wedging it between his head and shoulder a little further before a somewhat exasperated noise slipped from between your lips.

Hyunjae discarded his tea gently against the finished dock, turning his full attention to you. His slender fingers gently prodded against your jaw, prompting you to lift your head from his shoulder. It was always like him to take control of the situation, and to be completely honest, you had banked on that for this entire meeting. You were pleased to look at him per his will, tilting your chin up so that his face could slip by yours and press a lingering kiss against your cheek, the way you had to his at the end of your last meeting. Perhaps the most important meeting.

Again, you wanted to speak with nothing really to say. Your eyes fluttered at the feel of his supple lips against your cheek and remained closed when his delicate fingers flittered away from your jaw and his hand cupped against the back of your neck, craning up only slightly to place another kiss against your forehead, and another against your cheek—you had to chuckle, nervously nipping at your bottom lip as you tried to read his intentions.

“Just let me marinate in the fact that I have dreamed about this for eight years, and I’m finally here,” he mumbled against your skin, knowing that you were laughing at him.

“I’m laughing at you because you keep missing,” you replied, eyes fluttering open to meet his as he pulled back. The gentle smiles fell from both your faces as your gaze teetered between each other’s eyes, noting their glimmer, their depth, the absolutely homey look you gave each other. Your breaths mingled just a few inches from each other between the two of you before you noted the way his tongue flicked out to moisten his lips—in nervousness or preparation, you couldn’t tell. When he noticed the way your eyes fell past his nose, he couldn’t help but speak up.

“Is that so?” he asked nearly inaudibly.

“As a matter of fact…” you trailed off, anticipating the way one of his hands reached across you to help you settle your tea against the dock so you could place that hand wherever you’d like as his mouth descended on yours, delicately eclipsing yours in a softly meshed kiss that felt worlds different from the one on the landing of your home after Kevin’s party. It felt like a plug had been pulled, and all the tension that culminated between the two of you was swirling away into the abyss as you melted into his touch, gingerly cupping your cheek until his lips broke away. A silent protest came in the form of an exasperated exhale, that shy smile returning to your lips noting he hadn’t pulled far enough away to be out of reach, so you took it upon yourself to lean in for another quick peck.

“Somewhere deep in the back of my mind,” he began, waiting for a moment for your eyes to open so he could look into them once more, “I had always hoped I would get to kiss you on this very dock with the sun going down and glimmering against the water, exactly the way it is.”

You placed your hand down over his, which was pinning you somewhat against the dock as he rotated to face you. The look on your face was enough, he didn’t really need a reply; everything that needed to be said had already been said. Even still, you had something for him.

“Me, too,” you replied, leaning up to nuzzle your nose against his for just a moment, “so, I’m glad you came back to figure it out. I needed you more than anything.”

Hyunjae chuckled; the thoughts he had been battling with for so long about why he was returning all suddenly made sense, like a message in the stars, a secret nudge from the universe telling him there would be something special about him coming back, pushing through the dread he had cut with your hometown. He remembered letting it marinade for a week after the idea first crossed his mind. Maybe he was feeling homesick, admittedly he missed his parents and his sister, but he could tell there was something more.

“Something in the vast infinity delivered your call,” he whispered to you.

“I owe whatever mystical message that led you back to me a great debt.”

“Why don’t you just say you missed me?” he teased.

“The way I missed you is beyond anything I could string together with words, Hyunjae,” you replied, pushing him back a little bit to put him physically on the defensive for only a second before he took the opportunity to pull you across his lap so he could have you as close as possible.

“And showing you feels a little more vulnerable; maybe we needed that all along, instead of putting on that tough face for each other,” you told him, your smile saying something different as your hand gingerly stroked through the tresses of hair on the back of his neck, tilting his head to look at you before your foreheads met, eyes fluttered closed once more.

A moment relishing this closeness was much needed and long-awaited.  

[ahelicoprion]

Because I doubt the writers are going to feed us the interaction immediately after The Thing™, here I am. GANG OF SECRETS SPOILERS. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED S4 YET, DO NOT READ ON

Marinette clutched the sides of her head as if she might explode if she didn't hold everything together. "You're right, I have secrets and I lie all the time! I lie to my parents, to my friends. To everyone..." She felt her best friend sit beside her on the chair but she was so caught up in her feelings that she couldn't process it. "And the worst part about it is that I can't do anything about it!" She buried her face in her hands, fighting back another bought of sobs.

"We always have the choice, Marinette." Alya spoke softly and carefully putting her arms around the girl. In the back of her head, Marinette was sure that she could feel her shaking but at this point, she didn't care. She was overwhelmed. She was heartbroken. She was stressed. She was terrified.

"No." She looked up and met her friend's eyes and saw a look of sympathy. "At least not for me. I've got no other choice. It's all beyond us, Alya, and it's too heavy to carry." She wiped a tear from her face.

"If it's too heavy, then we'll be two to carry it," the girl whispered comfortingly. With this, Marinette let out a long breath. She knew what the right decision was to the discourse she'd been having in her own head all day. That didn't stop her fear from taking control, though.

"If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all."

"Marinette, whatever you'll say, I'm your friend." Marinette could hear how desperately her friend wanted to know. But it wasn't out of curiosity or pushiness. It was to take the burden of her secret from her. To help her carry it.

"And me..." She searched her friend's eyes, gaining the confidence and reassurance she needed from the loving stare of her best friend. "I'm Ladybug." Time seemed to move in slow motion. For a moment, she wondered if Bunnix had done it, showing up to keep her from telling Alya. But instead, time resumed as the redhead's expression quickly changed from shock and confusion to one of understanding before pulling her into a tight hug. She paused for a moment before wrapping her own arms around her friend and let herself sob silently into her shoulder.

If she was being honest, Marinette had thought of a thousand different scenarios as to how Alya might react. The majority of them were filled with neverending questions from the Ladybug-Superfan. A select few ended with Alya storming out and never speaking to her. One even included her selling her out to Shadowmoth, though she shut that one down quickly. However, she hadn't let herself imagine Alya comforting her immediately. Marinette was grateful to her friend for that. She didn't ask her to prove it, ask her a million questions, or even speak. She just hugged her because she trusted her. Alya had complete faith in her.

After a few minutes of letting out the weeks' worth of sorrow and pressure out into her friend's flannel-clad shoulder, she eventually pulled away and searched Alya's eyes. She seemed to be processing the information, but sympathy and understanding still took over her face. Seeing that expression, all worries and stress washed away in a wave of overwhelming relief. It felt amazing to have finally told someone and she knew she had made the right choice. She let out another breath and a smile forced itself onto her face. It felt foreign on her face now, rarely having worn one since becoming the gaurdian, but it felt at home. She wiped her cheeks and laughed. Nothing was amusing, she was just so happy that it escaped her lips automatically.

"Okay, I'm okay. You can react now," she announced. Though Alya was doing an amazing job at just being understanding, she could tell that her best friend was bursting with questions. Alya seemed to scan over her one last time to check for any remaining need of comfort before letting her face turn to an expression of shock.

She sat silent for a moment as if trying to organize her thoughts before breathing out, "You've beta-read so much of my LadyNoir fanfiction..." Marinette couldn't help the loud laugh. She clapped her hand over her mouth but Alya just joined in the laughter. They sat there letting out all of their relief and joy and connection through that shared laugh until their stomachs hurt. Eventually, they were able to get their breath back and Alya seemed to be more collected in her processing.

"Okay, actually though, that's insane. Ladybug has been my best friend this whole time and I had no clue. And all the pressure you've been under this whole time. I mean hell, Marinette! Paris' safety- No. The world's safety has been sitting on your and Chat Noir's shoulders for two years and you're only 16! I can't even imagine it! I mean, I guess I can to an extent because, ya know, Rena Rogue. But that's more of a part-time gig and it's not like everyone's relying super heavily on me. And now I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you trusted me with this and I'm so sorry I haven't been able to support you the way you've been needing. But I'm here now." She inhaled, clearly having forgotten to breathe during her ramble, and pulled Marinette into one more hug. "Can I ask questions?" She asked after they pulled apart again.

Marinette smiled. "Of course, Als."

"Okay. God, where do I even start? Do you know who Chat Noir is?"

"No. It's too dangerous for us to know each other's identities. Shadowmoth needs both of our miraculous and if we knew each other's identities, that would make it that much easier for him to get them," Marinette explained. It felt amazing to finally be talking about this with someone. Of course, she always had Tikki and now the other kwamis, but she needed the support of another person. She needed the support of her best friend.

"So he doesn't know who you are either?" Marinette shook her head and Alya nodded. "How did you even get your miraculous? I mean it's not like there was a Ladybug to hand it to you like I got mine."

"The last guardian, Master Fu, gave them to us. I don't know what happened with Chat Noir but I imagine that it was similar to why he gave me mine. I saved him from getting hit by a car in a crosswalk and showed him kindness. He told me later that he could see the 'heroic qualities' in me." She used her fingers to make air quotes around the words.

"That's incredible!" She paused for a moment, eyebrows raised in thought. "Oh my god, so many things make so much sense now."

"RIGHT?!" Marinette exclaimed.

"That's why you're always late! And why you're always so tired! And why you just dash out of class in the middle of the day!"

"EXACTLY!" Marinette practically shouted, relieved to finally be understood.

"Oh,

man... Everything's clicking in place, wow." Marinette could almost see the equations floating in front of Alya's face.

"Wait, sorry if this is out of line but... Is LadyNoir canon?"

"WHAT! No! Not in a million years!"

"Then what is this?" Alya whipped out her phone and showed Marinette her home screen. It was the picture that had been haunting the girl since it was taken. She wished it would disappear but it was constantly resurfacing on the internet and on tabloid covers. The photo of her and Chat Noir kissing on the rooftop after battling Oblivio.

"I have no idea what that was," she admitted. "I have no memory of even defeating Oblivio, let alone kissing that mangy cat."

"I mean, I know you're going through a lot right now and have sworn off romance for the time being but... Could it ever happen?"

Marinette opened her mouth to respond but all that came out was a sigh. "No," was all she said.

"Why not?"

"I..." Tears formed in her eyes and Alya immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Oh my god, Marinette. I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"No, no. I just... I haven't really let myself think about it since it happened. But, I guess I can finally talk about it, huh?"

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

And so, Marinette told Alya about what happened with Chat Blanc. She explained how their love destroyed the world. She explained how her own irresponsibility with her miraculous had destroyed the world. The whole event had honestly been very traumatic to Marinette and weighed heavily on her heart. Since that, she'd been even more closed off about her secret, especially to her partner. She hadn't let herself think about it if she could help it, but it still haunted her in her nightmares.

As she finished the story, Alya tightened her arms around her. "Marinette, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that. You've been put through so much and you've been holding on to so much pressure and it's not fair. Mari, when I tell you this, I want you to believe me. You are the strongest person I know. You've gone through more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime. Yet, you still manage to find a way to always be there for your friends and your family. You're out all night fighting for your life and for the world and then you come to school and you're there for everyone else. You are so, so strong. You're amazing and not just because you're Ladybug, but because you're Marinette."  Marinette couldn't hold back the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she hugged her best friend. Any regrets or doubts she worried she might have about telling Alya were gone. She knew she had made the right choice.

The girls spent the rest of the night talking about this, a mix of laughing and crying until they eventually fell asleep there on Marinette's couch, tired from the whirlwind of emotions. "Thank you, Alya, for being here for me," Marinette whispered as Alya's breathing steadied. Then, she closed her eyes and fell asleep herself. For the first time in weeks, her dreams were light and hopeful.

[your-eternal-muse]

Sight For Sore Eyes

Heather Series Part 9

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 9

BONUS: Readers Card Confession BONUS: Spencer’s Take Series Playlist

Summery: Reader bares witness to the final moment of Spencer and Heather’s relationship, and when comforting Spencer, something unexpected happens.

Words: 2k

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Cheating, angry Spencer

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader (It’s happening fuckers.)

A/N: I don’t really have anything to say, except go nuts. I almost screamed writing this.

~~~~~

Eavesdropping isn't really my thing.

I find it impersonal, and kind of bitchy.

I mean, you're basically listening on someone else's conversation, snooping on drama that doesn't concern you.

Only, this kind of does concern me.

Since, you know, if it weren't for me, Spencer and Heather wouldn't be huddled in a conference room, arguing about their impending divorce 

I should feel worse about it than I do.

But I don't.

Spencer is broken.

She ruined him.

And trust me, I know because I'm the one who he's been coming to.

The whole thing sort of forced us back together, but if I'm being honest, I didn't really fight it. Like, at all.

Again I should feel bad, about how selfish it is to take pride in the fact that a man who's going through a divorce finds solace in my arms.

But you know what?

I really don't give a shit anymore.

I've spent the past almost three years doing everything to appear nice and selfless and it led me down a road that almost killed me.

So fuck it.

I exposed her cheating ass, punched her in her stupid face, fell asleep with her husband while laying on my couch and now I'm listening in as he serves her the divorce papers.

I'm not even trying to be subtle about it, and the team isn't being subtle about finding my snooping funny.

JJ passed and asked for an update, Derek just chuckled, and ruffled my hair, Hotch closed his blinds so he can have plausible deniability and the rest of them just smile as they watch.

I do have a back up plan though, just in case.

I hold a file in my hand that I can open and pretend to be reading as I walk in to get Spencer's opinion. Or something.

Right now though, I'm leaning against the door frame, listening and watching through the sliver of a crack that the door is open from when Heather closed it.

Heather sits with her back towards me, her hands folded in her lap, the papers and a pen sitting on the table in front of her, while Spencer stands, stoned face in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Sign the papers, Heather."

I can hear her sniffle, and she shakes her head. "No. I love you, we can make this work."

“'We’ aren't doing anything. 'We' are getting a divorce because 'you' cheated on 'me' for almost our entire marriage. Sign the papers."

He was assertive, the pain and anger evident in his voice as he points to the packet on the table.

I'm not gonna lie, it's kinda hot.

"It's only been six months. What do you want me to do? It was a mistake, a stupid mistake." She's actively crying now, and she stands, making her way over to him, wrapping her hands around one of his biceps.

He stares down at her.

"I love you, Spence."

Hey bitch, that's my nickname for him, get your own. Wait no, I take that back. You can just fuck right off, how's that?

One of her hands comes up to cup his cheek, and anger boils in my stomach.

He uncrosses his arms, and brings a hand up to cover hers, and I hold my breath.

He wraps his fingers around her wrist, pulling it from his face while he pulls her hand from his bicep with his other hand.

He holds both of her wrists in his hands, pushing her away from him.

"That's not love."

Haha. Bitch.

"And it wasn't a mistake. You kept going back to him. Over and over again, instead of dealing with your problems and talking to me. Now," he turns her, and pushes her towards the table. The way she falls forward, stumbling into it makes it look like he shoved her harder than he did.

"Sign the fucking papers."

She grabs the pen, crocodile tears streaming down her face. 

Her look goes from pleading, to furious in a second.

"You're gonna run back to her, aren't you?" She scoffs, straightening up. "How do I know you didn't cheat on me first?"

He leans in close to her, brushing hair behind her ear.

I almost fall into the room, leaning in so close to make sure I can hear what he says, my heart pounding.

"What or who I do, is no longer any of your business. Now I'm not going to ask again. Sign the papers, or I will gladly get my lawyer and make your life a living hell."

She's no longer crying, but the annoyance is radiating off of her.

She's pissed.

She huffs, leaning forward, and signs her name. She flips through, repeating the action until she's done.

She tosses the pen onto the table. 

"You're gonna regret this. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you."

He actually laughs, and I want to applaud him.

"Yeah, sure you are. I want your stuff out by this weekend."

She grabs her purse off the table, walking towards the door at a quick pace.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit.

I barely have time to open my file and take a few steps back to make it seem like I was walking up before she's opening the door, almost running into me in the process.

Her eyes meet mine, and I can't help the smirk spread across my face.

She glares, her hand coming up to her still bandaged nose, before shoving past me.

I watch her walk to the end of the hall before turning back to the room, where Spencer now stands with his hands in his packets.

I hold up the file, ready to start my spiel, but he starts talking before I can get the chance.

“I could see you.”

My mouth falls open and he smiles.

How the fuck…

“I could also smell your perfume.” He looks down at the papers, starting to flip through them to double check that she signed everything.

He could smell my perfume?

I walk into the room, closing the door fully behind me.

Wouldn’t want anyone to listen in now would we?

“How do you know it’s mine?” I place the file on the table, as he closes the packet.

He looks up at me, and my knees turn to jello.

“Because I smell it on your skin every time we hug.”

Butterflies erupt in my stomach, but he keeps talking.

“Smells like home to me.” He runs a hand through his hair, shifting from one foot to the next, now looking down at the table instead of me. “You’re home to me.”

You’re killing me, smalls.

I walk over to where he’s standing, and open my arms. 

I watch as his shoulders deflate as he sighs, walking forward and wrapping his arms around my waist. 

My arms slink around his neck, and I now understand how he can smell it. His nose is pressed to the crook of my neck, right where I put it in the morning.

“You’re my home too.” I whisper, turning my head, and inhaling the scent of his hair. It’s such a uniquely Spencer scent. I wish I could bottle it, make a candle out of it so that I can smell him whenever I want.

We break after a few minutes, and I trail my hands down his arm.

He entangles his fingers of one hand into my own.

“You okay?”

He sighs, looking down at our hands as he plays with my fingers. “I will be.”

He sits on the edge of the table, and I follow suit, being sure not to break the link our hands have created.

“If I hadn’t seen you, if you hadn’t been there watching, I’m afraid of what I might have done.” He swallows, and his eyes won’t meet my own. “It scared me.”

He finally looks up, and a small fire is lit behind those hazel eyes of his. 

“It scared me, because for a moment, I wanted to hurt her. She has made me so, angry, she’s made me feel so fucking stupid and all I wanted to do was make her feel that too.”

I fully grab his hand, the absence of his ring pressing against my palm.

“I know that feeling. But, as much as you wanted to, I don’t think you would have. You’ve got too much of a good conscience to do something like that.”

I feel him squeeze my hand. 

“However, I am more than willing, so you tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

That got him to laugh, and he shakes his head at me. He becomes quiet quicker than I’d like. 

“You have too much faith in me.”

“Hey,” I reach up and grab his chin with my free hand, forcing him to look at me. “I have the perfect amount of faith in you, Dr. Spencer Reid. You’re a good man, no, a great man, through and through. I guarantee you that you are the best thing that has ever or will ever happen to her. If she doesn’t realize that, well, that’s her loss. Not yours.”

I swipe some hair out of his face, and his eyes bore down into mine. 

Something about the look on his face makes my heart start to race. 

It resembles what I assumed I looked like that day in the restaurant, only he also looks like he’s about to cry.

My face scrunches in confusion. “Are you okay, Spence?”

“God, I love you.”

His hands are on either side of my face and his lips are on mine.

His lips are on mine. 

He’s kissing me.

Spencer Reid, the man whom I have been in love with for the past ten fucking years is kissing me.

Kiss him back, you dumb bitch!

My hands immediately go to his chest, bunching the fabric of his shirt in my fists, pulling him as close as possible to me.

I have dreamt about this moment.

Since the day I met him, I have dreamt about what kissing him would feel like. 

And now that it’s here, I can safely say, that my dreams don’t compare to the real thing.

His lips are soft and they lead in such a way that doesn’t make it feel like he’s doing all the work. 

It’s the perfect amount of push, the perfect amount of pull.

Kissing him is perfect.

But then he breaks it, as if remembering where he was, and the moments that had led up to it. 

He looks utterly terrified, like he just ruined the one thing he had left.

We're both breathless for a moment, and then he speaks.

“I’m sorry.”

Before I can react, he picks up the packet of paper and all but runs out of the door. 

I come to my senses quick enough to go after him, following him out into the bullpen. 

“Spencer!” I stop, out of breath, and confused as hell.

He exits through the glass doors, his hands grabbing fistfuls of his hair.

“Hey hey hey, what’s going on? Did something happen?” JJ walks up, eyes looking at the space that Spencer had occupied before turning to look at me. “Seriously, you look like you’re about to cry. What happened?”

My fingers float over my lips, still warm from the energy of the kiss. 

“He kissed me.” It’s barely above a whisper, like if I say it louder than that, it’ll cease to exist.

“He did? Why did he run then?”

“I don’t know.” 

The kiss isn’t what's confusing me at the moment though, oh no. 

What’s making it hard to breath right, let alone think, was the statement he whispered right before he kissed me.

A statement I never even thought I would hear him say.

God, I love you.

I must be hearing things. That can’t be what he said. He told me himself, that night on the balcony, he doesn’t love me.

No.

I may not have a memory like his, but I could never forget something like that.

He loves me. 

He loves me.

Spencer Reid loves me.

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[liddolwhynot2000]

For You

____________________________________

Summary: Humanity's Strongest Soldier had quit the military. For you.

Pairing: Levi/Reader

Genre: Levi in looooveee, liddol angsty, happy ending, drama, dad!Levi

Words: 3.3K

____________________________________

[Note: This isn't a direct sequel to 'Falling'. But it falls in the same universe. If you want to read about how Levi met and fell for reader in this universe, check out my story Falling.]

____________________________________

'Levi what are you doing here-'

'I'm about to hold our daughter.'

'I can see that darling, but you're supposed to be at work. '

The short man didn't bother answering you, instead opting to pick up your two year old daughter. Little Kutchel squealed in delight, happily chanting 'papa'.

'Mamaaa.'

You felt a tug at your skirt, your one year old son was clinging to you. Farlan whimpered, his hands raised high, clearly wanting you to pick him up. With a sigh, you did so and realized he needed a diaper change.

'I'll be back in a few, and then we'll talk.'

Your only response was Levi complaining about how 'brat-the-first needed to stop drooling so much' as he raised a giggling Kutchel high in the air.

....................

Usually, once you managed to put your beloved children to sleep with a lullaby, you gazed at them in awe, affectionaly tucking them in. Both of them took after their father completely, his black hair and steel eyes. Farlan's hair was almost the same as Levi's, much to your amusement. Kutchel was a rather active and loud baby while Farlan was a little on the quiet side. You usually missed Levi on nights like these, wishing he could visit more. Tonight, however, you felt more uneasy rather then happy at his sudden presence.

'I quit.'

'You what?'

You couldn't believe your ears, surely you had heard him wrong.

'You heard me. I. Quit.'

'But why?'

No matter how hard you tried, he wouldn't give you a straight answer. No amount of questioning or pouting would work on him. In the end, he strolled up to you, rough hands gently holding your upper arms.

'Look, I had my reasons. Things got unbearable for me and-'

'But don't they need you-'

'They should have thought of that before. Now listen, I've already got another job lined up, so we don't need to worry about moneu-'

'But Levi, I still don't understand why you-'

'Just trust me. It's messed up shit.'

Looking into his eyes, the same eyes you had hopelessley fallen for all those years ago, you gave in. Of course you trusted him, how could you not? You wouldn't have married the man otherwise. ____________________________________

Things began to change as you got used to seeing Levi everyday. When the two of you had met, you had worked as a cook for the garrison engineers living near the Survey Corps Headquarters. Back then, seeing each other daily hadn't been an issue. But after getting married and having kids, you had moved into his house in the nearby village. It meant less time together as a family, but you had wanted your children to have stability.

You sat on the couch, well more or less laid on the couch, watching Levi entertain your children. All three of them of them sat on the floor, with toys scattered everywhere on the carpet.

Farlan played with some blocks, happily gurgling as he tried to figure them out. Kutchel, on the other hand, busied herself with Levi.

You could only laugh at the sight of Levi's deadpan expression as Kutchel climbed all over him. Neither of had seen it coming, but your babies had inherited the Ackerman strength ten fold. Holding up their necks extremely early, climbing out of their cribs, easily lifting things that were too heavy for normal babies.

When Kutchel had been seven months old, the two of you had woken up to find that not only had she escaped her crib, she had managed to climb into your bed and cuddle with Levi. Although befuddled, the sight of the two of them had been heartwarming beyond words, and you hadn't been overly cocnerned.

Her displays of unnatural strength had been, well, less then pleasant for the two of you. It had put you on guard. The near heart attack you had suffered through, when your one year old baby girl had hauled up one end of the sofa with her teeny tiny hand, while trying to get a toy that had gotten stuck there, had almost been too much. Levi had been torn between horror and amusement at the time, before intervening. And well, both of you preferred not remember how Farlan had smacked his tiny fist against the brand new wooden table during a tantrum and caused it to collapse.

'You brats will eat sitting on the goddamn floor for the rest of your lives now. I don't have the money to buy a table if your just going to-'

'Levi, they're just babies, let them be-'

'Oh I see, so we're selling your kidney to buy a new table-'

'Darling don't be so dramatic-'

Kutchel and Farlan merely ignored their irate father, babbling as they played with their toys.

The Ackerman strength was hereditary, the two of you had concluded. Hange had theorised that with every new generation, that unbelievable strength only grew, to the point that they could access it at an extremely young age. It was manageable for now, you mused to yourself, but it wouldn't be long till Levi would have to train them lest they hurt someone by accident. You got off the couch and slid to the floor, cooing to your son. Levi was scowling as he held Kutchel at arms length.

'Stop trying to rip my hair out, you brat.'

Kutchel leaned towards him while babbling. Levi allowed her little hands to rest on his cheeks, his expression softening at her grin.

'Wuv Papaa.'

You beamed at the sight, before turning your attention back to Farlan. He had been avidly bashing two blocks together and would burst out laughing at the sound. You gently caught him before he fell from the force of his laughter.

It had been a while since the two of you had been this peaceful.

...........

When the two of you had managed to put your babies down for a nap, you remembered some things that you needed to buy. Rushing out, you went to the market, hoping the shops you needed to go to weren't too packed today. Much to your suprise, during your excursion, you saw some of the Survey Corps members. You recognised them as the Special operations Squad. While you weren't necessarily friends with them, you did know their names.

As if reading your mind, one by one, they all caught sight of you. Another day, they would waved at you and maybe approached to help woth the bags. However, there were no signs of those friendly expressions today. In fact, you couldn't help but notice how they were looking at you. It made you feel as as if you had been the Colossal Titan that knocked down Wall Maria and ruined their lives. The ginger haired girl, Petra, was the one who really caught your attention. She had looked oddly guilty, and as though she was apologising with her eyes for a moment, before copying her comrades sullen expressions.

Startled and beyond confused, you opted to walk away from their line of vision. Your fears, that you had hoped were baseless, were slowly being confirmed. Levi quitting the military hadn't been well recieved. And if the way his former squad had looked at you had been any indication, they thought you had something to do with his decision.

____________________________________

Kutchel had been particularly fussy that night, unwilling to go sleep.

'Pway!' she had cried out, struggling in Levi's arms. It had taken a while but soon enough you were lying in bed, both your children deep asleep as you tucked them in blankets. The two of you had been exhausted, so when you heard the knock on the door, a very irritated Levi had quietly gone to check it out.

When he didn't return for a while and you heard muffled noises, you silently went to check on him, stopping short at the door at the sound of Petra's voice.

'-captain please reconsider-'

'Petra's right captain, we need you-'

'That's enough.'

They all straightened up.

'I'm no longer your captain-'

They all deflated, looking ready to argue. Levi held a hand up to silence them.

'I wish you all well in life. Don't involve yourself in this. This is between the higher ups and I.'

'Captain, we know this is because of your-'

'None of you know shit. Focus on going your damn jobs and minding your own business. Now leave.'

Olou, Petra, Gunther and Eld looked despondent as they made to leave.

'Petra-stay back for a minute'

All of them look surprised and curious, but didn't bother asking questions and left. They figured Petra would tell them what had happened later. The conversation took a weird turn you hadn't quite expected.

'You have some nerve coming all the way to my house after all the bullshit you pulled.'

'Captain- I didn't mean to, you know that. I was only following orders-'

'So your orders mentioned you bullshitting to everyone that I left the military because my wife asked me to?'

'...Captain I didn't say that. Everyone assumed-'

'And you allowed it. Don't fucking lie, you just didn't want any heat to fall on you. Stay away from her. Or else. I don't care what you're ordered to do. You've already made the situation worse then it should be.'

'Captain please-'

'Out. Now. Nothing you say can excuse the shit you pulled.'

As you heard Petra leave, you felt that sinking feeling in your stomach grow. So Levi had left the military for you. And the military hated you for it. The real questions was, why? ____________________________________

You watched your husband as he spoon fed mashed potatoes to Kutchel. His face was scrunched up in disgust, as Kutchel made sure that at least half the food ended up on her face and clothes. Farlan was taking a nap, happily tucked away in your arms.

'Kutchel--for the love of- eat your shitty food!'

'Darling, language-'

'I'm trying, just look at the shitty mess she's making, I might have a heart attack-'

'Shit!'

The two of you paused, staring in stunned silence as your two year old began chanting the one word you had hoped she wouldn't pick up from your husband. Levi avoided your gaze, no doubt knowing it was his fault, and instead started making feeble attempts at stopping Kutchel.

'Oi don't say that-'

'Shit papwaa!'

'What? No. Brat-the-first, you better forget you ever heard that-'

You chuckled a little, the sight of your usually calm and composed husband panicking was too funny. You struggled to maintain your smile, however, as last night flashed in your mind again.

Everything seemed fine. Levi was content. Your children were happy. His new job was paying well. He was home more then ever. Even if he had quit the military for you, the two of you were living your life even better then before. There hadn't been any changes in your loving relationship.

But, as you watched Levi scowl and carry a displeased Kutchel off for a bath she very much didn't want, you knew you wouldn't be able to continue on without any doubts. Not until you and Levi properly talked about this.

You didn't care if the military blamed you for Levi leaving and hated your guts. You only cared if the man himself was actually okay with his decision.

You don't want to be the reason for him to break his tradition of living no regrets.

____________________________________

You ended up putting off talking to him. At first by a few hours, then by a few days. Eventually days turned to weeks and somehow, it had been four months since he had quit the military.

While this could be largely attributed to you being a coward, it was also how busy the two of you had gotten. Farlan had a rough teething phase, Kutchel had decided to make a sport out of kicking the fridge and trying to climb out the window, and Levi's job had a new project he had gotten busy in.

On a sunny afternoon, you held your daughters hand, and kept your son hiked on your hip as you walked out of the market. What you didn't know was that, as you struggled to carry your shopping bags and manage your mischievous children, someone would help you. And, after walking you home, that someone would give you the answers to all the questions you had wanted to ask Levi.

Years later, you would silently wonder if Erwin Smith had come there that day on purpose. It was likely, after too many years of working with Levi, he had known Levi would rather die before telling you something like this.

____________________________________

In all the time you had known Levi Ackerman, which amounted to a good five years now, you had learned a great deal about him. His strength, strong will, desire to protect, his devotion to being a soldier, his dreams for the future. All his highs and lows, ones that no one else had ever been pivy to, you knew them by heart.

You knew the most regret he had ever felt in his life was when Isabel and Farlan died. You knew his heart ached when even one soldier lost their life in battle. You knew the most flustered he had ever been in his life was when he had wanted to confess to wanting to be in a relationship with you, only for Hange to scream declare his feelings to you instead.

Thankfully, no one else had been there, or else Hange wouldn't be alive right now. And he had made sure to ask you out in his own sweet and romantic way later.

You had seen him get emotional more times then anyone else. At the birth of your children. Their first words. Kutchel learning how to crawl and following him around everywhere, her first decleration of love for her 'pwapa'. Farlan crying everytime he left for work, clinging to his leg as he whined. The two of you had built a family together, leading a largely satisfying life together. However, the danger and importance of his job had never escaped you.

You had always known you were second to his duty as a soldier. He would have to go on long missions, ditch dates, miss birthdays and not be able to tell you anything about his work, but you accepted it.

You never expected more then he could offer, preferring to enjoy whatever time you could have with him. You were fully okay with being the second choice, and so, you certainly hadn't expected him to take such a big decision.

To pick you over duty.

'Zackley.....ordered you to take a second wife?'

Levi winced, his eyes determinedly staring at the floor. There was some shame in his eyes, as though he had committed some crime. With a deep sigh, he sat next to you on the couch and braced himself to give you answers. Your children were sound asleep in your bed, while the two of you sat in the living room.

'Word got around about Kutchel and Farlan having abnormal strength. Zackley initially wanted me to sign a shitty contract and agree to both of them joining the military. I told him to fuck off.'

'The military wanted to use our children as soldiers? Levi you should have told me-'

'I didn't want to worry you. Frankly, I was half scared Zackley would approach you and try to bullshit you into agreeing with him.'

'... What happened after you refused?'

'He started pushing for me to have more kids. One's I wouldn't be..attached to-'

'--with another woman.'

The severe expression on Levi's face gave away exactly how much he hadn't appreciated that particular line of thought.

'I turned him down. But Zackley started placing pressure. The shitty old man just got greedy because he wanted more super soldiers. Kept pushing random women on me, and then someone theorized that if my children with you, a civillian, were that strong, then with another soldier they would be even stronger....'

You frowned, you hadn't wanted to believe Erwin but..

'.. He picked Petra. That idiot didn't turn him down. Mostly because of orders and partially because of that stupid, childish crush she has on me.'

You were at loss of how to respond, feeling too much for you to even think about putting into words. So that's why why Petra had let everyone think it had been your fault Levi had quit the military.

If she had told the truth, she would have to admit that she had agreed to marry and bear the children of an already married man. And while it would have been under orders, it would have ruined her reputation.

Levi mistook your sudden silence as something else, genuine panic flashing in his eyes. He kneeled down in front of you, hands immediately grabbing yours. His voice was shook a little as he hurried to reassure you.

'I swear, nothing fucking happened. I ignored it all as long as I could. Then Zackley had the nerve to give an official written order and threatened to court martial me. I broke the goddamn table and walked away from the military that day and--hey, look at me'

His hand gently nudged your chin up, steel eyes looked sorrowful at the sight of your watery ones.

'.. W-what if you regret it?'

Levi shook his head a little, opening his mouth to argue. You didn't let him.

'The military has been with you for so long. How do I know you won't regret this five years from now? I know you loved that job Levi, I don't want you to give up-'

'I'm not giving up shit. I loved that job because I agreed with where they were heading. Their goals. The moment they started pulling dumb crap like this, I m wasn't going to stick around.'

He sat next to you again, right arm wrapping around your shoulders, his left hand hand tucked between your hands.

'Erwin said it would be better if I just left for a while. Zackley is senile and he's in a stubborn mood. Once the Queen gives birth to her child, which is any day now, she'll end this nonsense.'

'Are you sure?'

'Definitely. That brat hasn't been well, so Zackley has been in complete control this entire time. Its why he got so ballsy, the queen wouldn't approve of this shit. We wanted to avoid risking more friction in the military, and me quitting was the answer. Erwin figured it would be a lesson for them to see how much they needed me or some shit. '

You leaned into his chest, feeling much more calm now. So everything would end up okay, he wouldn't have to leave behind the job he had poured his blood, sweat and tears into.

'This is why I didn't tell you this shit. Fucking politics and crappy old men.'

'No, I needed to know....'

You pulled away from him, only to settle yourself in his lap. Your lips brushed against his gently.

'.. You really do love us, don't you?'

'Tch whatever.'

The slight redness visible on his cheeks gave away how he truly felt.

____________________________________

A/N: I know, I said I'd consider making a confession chapter. But I got this idea stuck my head and I figured, hey why not just set it in the same universe. Now that this idea is out of my system, I'll get started on it. I hope y'all enjoyed this! My asks are open, so you can make requests or ask whatever you want really. Till next time ⭐⭐

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part III/VII)

"shock therapy"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: language, grief, allusions to suicide, mentions of death, let me know if I missed something

A/N: okay this is... Kinda dark, but I mean, expected given the prompt I'm working with lmao, I'd say enjoy but... Well, enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

It began with small actions, like waking up earlier than me, or taking on making breakfast himself.

I thought he was feeling better.

Then came the big actions, like deciding to switch places with me an working with the clients while I made the shippings.

I started to feel something was off the third day since the exchange; I escaped the office to visit him and he could have easily passed as the giant mannequin in our façade.

"Are you alright?" I questioned in a worried whisper near his ear.

"Of course." I knitted my brows, puzzled at his response. He noticed how odd it had been due to my face, and that forced smile fell for a second as he leaned on me to place a kiss on my crown. "Don't worry about me, darling."

Before I could insist, his attention was stolen by a couple of very confused clients.

The following night in the flat, while we were making dinner, it seemed he had gone back to his usual demeanor, so I figured he was making extra effort to look happy in front of the customers.

I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong, though, something between us; I couldn't pinpoint it, yet knew it existed.

It was that same night that I got a grip of what was going on, when the bed's weight shifted, shaking me out of my sleep just in time to hear a muffled sob followed by a shaky breath.

"George?" His eyes met my own as I propped myself on my forearms.

"Did I wake you?" He questioned, his voice as quiet as mine. "Sorry, love."

Sometimes —more often than not— when he called me that name, I would feel butterflies in my stomach, and the fact that it was normally accompanied by some kind of physical contact didn't help at all.

He extended his arm to reach my hand, his thumb caressing the back of my palm. "Go back to sleep." He commanded in a soft whisper, getting up and walking towards the door.

As the door closed, my chest ached at the mere possibility of us going back to the first week we spend together in the flat after the war.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I went straight to the kitchen and splashed my face with water before pouring myself a glass of milk.

Y/n had the brilliant idea of throw away all the alcohol in our apartment to avoid falling into bad habits as a copying mechanism, and, in all honesty, it was one of her best ones.

Grabbing the glass, I made my way to the living room, plopping down on the couch; I wouldn't even try to fall asleep there— it was proven impossible during the first week.

I had to snap out of it and start to sleep in my own room; the war left us all scarred in s million ways, and one of them included that even the slightest, quietest movement would wake you up, and I knew for a fact that Y/n wasn't getting one single night of sound sleep, and I was the one to blame.

"Oi," Speaking of which.

"What are you doing up?"

"Checking on you." She responded, leaning against the doorframe "You alright?" I nodded, but she walked to the couch either way, sitting down and letting herself fall over my chest. "You've been acting weird." She mumbled, snugging her face on my chest and consequently making my heart swell. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

I hummed, my chin resting over her crown as my arm wrapped around her. "I know." I murmured, knowing very well it was lie.

There was several things I couldn't and wouldn't tell her ever, but I wouldn't let her know that. "C'mon, go back to bed."

"Not without you." It wasn't more than a mumble, since she was beginning to fall asleep on my chest, but it was loud enough to trigger me.

How many times I had dreamed of having her just like this, how many times had I yearned to wrap my arms around her and never let go, to kiss her, to sleep with her before the war; I still did.

I still wanted to kiss all her sadness away, to be able to call her mine; I still loved her in a way I shouldn't, and somehow it felt even more wrong now that Fred was gone.

It took me a moment to realise she had, in fact, fallen asleep. I carried her back to her bed and lay her down, carefully pulling the sheets to cover her.

I lay down too, promising myself I would face my fears the next day— I owe her that, at the very least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n had left the apartment to go down the Diagon Alley to buy groceries and a new blouse.

It's now or never, I thought to myself, standing at the start of the hallway. I took a deep breath and made my way to my room with my bags hanging on my shoulders.

You can do this.

I reached for the knob with shaky hands and turned it.

You can do this.

My arms pushed the door open in a swift movement, my eyes anxiously scanning the room as if I was expecting to find a monster inside.

But there was no monster, it was just my room; a bit dusty and with a musty smell, but still my room.

I left my bags on the floor and sat on the edge of my bed. It wasn't scary, nor haunted, as I thought it would be, and I felt a weight off my shoulders; Y/n would be able to sleep the nights through, instead of waking up every now and then to my gasps and sobs.

Since it had been way easier than I thought it would be, I decided to take it a step further; I would have to enter there sooner rather than later to clean, so why not now?

Oh, what a big mistake I had made.

READER'S P. O. V.

"I'm back!" Somehow, I had managed to climb upstairs whilst carrying all the bags without tripping. "Did you know that Florean Fortescue's has three new ice cream flavours?" I threw the Twilfitt and Tatting’s bag on the sofa and made my way to the kitchen. "Don't be mad but I got you something at Twilfitt and Tatting’s!" Laying the groceries over the counter, I frowned at George's lack of responses. "George?" I left the kitchen and took a look around the flat; maybe he was down in the shop?

I was about to go downstairs when I saw a crack of light down the hall, one coming from a partially open door —from Fred's door.

My heart pounded hard against my chest as I made my way to the part of the house we rarely got to.

I knew George had to be inside, but the fact that no sound was coming out of the room —no sobs, no weeping, no ragged breathing— was about to put me under cardiac arrest.

What if during the last week he had gotten worse —rock bottom kind of worse— and that was why he had been acting so distant? What if those 'don't worry about me's had been foreshadowing something terrible?

I shut my eyes, my pulse hammering as I pushed the door open, dreading to find a horrifying scenario.

Open your fucking eyes, Y/n.

I couldn't help the sigh of relief when I saw George kneeled in the middle of the room, alive and breathing.

Then, I doubled checked and realized that maybe he wasn't that much alive. I circled the ginger so we could be face to face, and my heart shattered at the sight in front of me; his eyes were puffy, his cheeks pale, his nose red and streaks of freshly shed tears wetting his face. His hands clutched onto something that I quickly recognised as Fred's blazer, and my breath caught up in my throat.

"George..." I called his name in a quiet whisper; somehow it felt like we were trespassing.

He then looked up at me, eyes hollow, and spoke words so harsh that they burned, even if they weren't meant to hurt me. "It should have been me."

"George—"

"It should've been me there, I should've gone with Percy."

"Please—"

"It should've been me, not him." I felt my eyes watering, slightly blurring my vision as the man before me kept talking. "He had a life— he had you, I didn't have anything but him." His gaze was now casted down, and I no longer knew if he was speaking to me or to himself. "What am I compared to him? It should be me six feet under, not him."

That last sentence was what snapped me out of the state I was in. "Look at me." I commanded, kneeling in front of him and cupping his cheeks. "Do you think Fred would've wanted you to think that?" His lower lip quivered; we rarely said his name out loud anymore. "He would have beaten your ass. Don't you dare think like that ever again, you hear me?"

"But it's true—"

"No it's not!" I yelled, making him flinch. "It's not, George." I repeated, this time softer, my thumbs caressing his cheeks soothingly. "You're sweet, creative, caring and smart, and I'm so happy to have you here with me." His eyes closed, eyebrows knitted and lips pursed. "You're your own person, and that person is amazing." He leaned on, letting his forehead fall on my shoulder, my hands travelling to his back and hair as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I miss him, Y/n." He confessed. "I miss him so much— it hurts."

“I miss him too, but I can’t let you lose yourself because of him.” I explained, planting a chaste kiss on his temple. “I cannot lose you too, okay?” I whispered, loud enough for him to hear.

"I'm sorry." His breath fanned on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "I wanted to get better, so you didn't have to take care of me."

"Oi," I squeezed him tighter, if possible. "We're taking care of each other." His face buried deeper in the crook of my neck and I had to hold back a content sigh. "We can do this— together." I stated. "You can't go on your own for shock therapy— it doesn't work like that." He nodded. "You gave me a big scare."

"I'm really sorry." His hand, which, until then had been holding onto the blazer, let go of it in order to rub my back.

We stayed like that in silence for Merlin knows how long before I spoke against his shoulder, "I bought chocolate strawberries ice cream."

"Is that a thing?" I hummed affirmatively. He slowly pulled away, his hands leaving my back to rest on my waist before they held mines, pulling me up with him. We gazed into each other's eyes for an instant that felt like an eternity. "I didn't mean to scare you, love." He assured me, pulling me into another hug, this one only long enough for him to kiss my crown.

"I know." I pulled away, giving him a small smile that he managed to return, most likely involuntarily. "Wanna try that ice cream?" He nodded and I led him out of the room. "I also bought you a tie at Twilfitt and Tatting’s."

"Why would you buy anything from there?" His voice was starting to recover some strength as we walked to the kitchen with our hands interlaced.

"'Cause it was a very pretty tie." I defended myself, going to the sofa to grab the fancy bag while George went to grab a couple of spoons and the ice cream. "Look."

He walked to me and examined the tie. "Okay, it's quite pretty." He agreed, offering me one of the spoons.

"Told you." I handed him the tie and he gave it another look before leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"You didn't have to buy me anything." That small smile appeared again, making my heart swell.

"Well, I wanted to." I went to sit on the couch and he followed my lead, carefully leaving the tie over the backrest so he could open the tub.

"Sweet." He commented, dipping his spoon into the ice cream and handing me the container. We ate it in silence and, once we finished, his voice filled the room. "I think I might go for a nightwalk."

"It'll do you good." I nodded, bringing my knees to my chest and curling up in the couch after he took the spoon away from me and got up to leave it in the sink.

"Do you wanna come?" His quiet, almost sheepish question made my head turn to the kitchen door. "I mean— you've just come back but—" He left the kitchen, staring at me expectingly, scratching the back of his neck. "uh... if you wanna come, I could use some company."

"I'd love to." I didn't even notice the way my gaze lighted up until I saw it reflected on his own features, that shone with the slightest tinge of joy.

The fact that I was able to do that only by smiling at him made my tummy flutter.

[buckyownsmylife]

between us - chapter iii

The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.

When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist. PLEASE CHECK THEM.

Hotch’s P.O.V.

It was already past 4 p.m. when I managed to arrive home and the sight that greeted me, Y/N simply falling asleep in the middle of the kitchen, terrified me to no end. I watched as she fainted in the middle of the room and it felt like the world was coming to a stop as I ran to try to catch her.

The sound of her body falling to the floor and my stuff that I had dropped in my efforts to get to her must have dragged Jack out of his room, because in a minute he was there, watching with big eyes as I slowly rose to my feet with Y/N in my arms. I struggled to open the tap with one hand while still holding her body and threw some water on her face, in an effort to wake her up. It worked, and after a few minutes of carefully shaking her body, she opened her eyes to look at me. 

The relief I felt didn’t last long, as I noticed how glassy they were. They couldn’t focus on me, but she still tried to push herself away and stand on her own two feet, while shaking her head to wake herself up. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she quickly repeated, but before I could interrupt her and argue that she was anything but okay, Jack’s soft voice resonated through the room.

“Y/N, are you sick?” He asked, and it was clear by how his bottom lip trembled that he was terrified of what he was seeing. Frowning, I turned her around to look at her face and what stared back at me shook my very core. 

There were black circles under her eyes, so dark that it looked like she had been punched. Her skin was almost transparent, and I could see her veins struggling to pump her blood. I felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dropped over me as I quickly recounted the steps her former superior had taught me about what to look for when she was in a state like that.

Moving quickly, I dragged her to the couch, where I also asked Jack to sit while I called his aunt, asking her to take him for the night. After everything was settled with Jessica, I got up to his room and packed his overnight bag, not really stopping to think about what I was doing. I was back in the living room just in time to talk to him before his aunt arrived.

“You’re gonna stay with Aunt Jessica tonight, okay, buddy?” Jack looked at me with tearful eyes that had been hiding on Y/N’s chest before I returned. 

“Is Y/N going to be okay, dad?” I sighed, knowing I hated to lie to my kid, but it was what I needed to do at that moment.

“Of course, buddy. Now kiss her goodnight, I think I hear your aunt pulling into the driveway.” He did precisely that, hugging her tight before reminding her that they’d see each other again tomorrow. She nodded, her own eyes filled with tears as she kissed his forehead before letting him go. 

I accompanied him outside, making sure that he got inside the car before going back to the living room, where Y/N was no longer in sight. I shouted for her name while making my way to the second floor of the house, my feet already taking me where I knew I’d find her. “Open the door, Y/N.” I shouted, knocking on her bathroom’s door. No one answered, but I knew she was there. “C’mon, open the door, Y/N.” Still nothing.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I moved inside the bathroom, absolutely terrified, trying to come up with a plan that would divert his anger from me once more. I wouldn’t survive being in the receiving end of another screaming match. I barely did the last time. Outside, I could still hear his fists against the wooden door.

“I swear to God, Y/N, I will tear this door down if you don’t open it right now,” he screamed. That woke me up from the paralyzing state I was in and I quickly opened it to find a hauntingly beautiful Hotchner looking down at me. His chest heaved as he stared me down, surprise written all over his features, like he didn’t believe I would actually answer his pleas. There was also fear in there, almost like he was scared of what he would see once I opened the door, but as much as I looked for it, there was no anger. He forcefully made his way inside the bathroom, closing the door as he looked around for something. Not finding anything, he focused his attention back on me and before I could realize what was going on, he was pulling up the dress I was wearing and leaving me only in my undergarments.

“Hotch?” I asked, trembling in fear of what the hell was going on. He must have realized it, because quickly he looked up at me, his eyes begging me for something I couldn’t understand. I nodded once before dropping the hands I had used in an effort to try and cover myself, relaxing as I allowed him to take in my semi-nude body. He didn’t even glance at my breasts, not throwing me a single look of desire, instead crouching in front of me as he softly ran his fingers on my thighs.

I tried to control the tremors that traveled my body as desire rose through me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched me with such care. However, his touch quickly left my thighs to focus on my stomach instead, and just as he had done before, he carefully ran his fingers through the faded scars there. My breath hitched as I realized that he was looking for fresh cuts.

I had flashbacks of nights long ago, when someone else would do the same for me. I had no doubt he had taught Aaron about how to deal with me whenever I got like this. But still, he hadn’t looked at me like that. No one had ever looked at me like that, like they were terrified of losing me.

As the man in front of me realized I didn’t have new cuts, he finally got up, towering over me with unreadable eyes that could swallow me whole. “You didn’t…” He started, but didn’t finish. I shook my head, looking up at him tentatively. 

“Not since I joined the team,” I explained. “You accepted me so easily, despite the weight that I could possibly put on you, that I decided that very first day I wouldn’t do anything that could make your job any more difficult than it already is.” My voice was barely over a whisper, but I knew that he could hear me. We were tightly pressed together in the tiny bathroom. He held my hands firmly in his as he shook his head and I watched in amazement as tears rolled down his eyes. “And then you introduced me to Jack.” I stopped for a bit, trying to gather my breath. He seemed like he was holding his, his attention never wavering as his eyes stared deep into mine. “I loved having the possibility of helping to shape his incredible mind.”

Hotch’s P.O.V.

I was all but trembling as I tried to control the sobs I wanted to let out as she continued to explain herself. “I loved how he reminded me of innocence and pure happiness and I loved being able to be a kid for the few hours I was with him. So I started coming here to stay with him whenever I felt the urge to hurt myself. Because it distracted me. And it reminded me of who I wished to be for him. The example I wanted to set. And it was not of someone who hurt herself.”

By the end of her speech I was full-on crying, like I didn’t remember doing ever since Haley died. I pulled her to me as I fell on the bathroom’s floor, using her to ground myself while I tried to calm down. Fuck. What the fuck had I done to this girl? She was nothing less than an angel, sent from heaven itself to remind me what it felt like to love someone so much that it blinded you, and still, I managed to hurt her.

I felt her fingers running through my short hair as I finally started to calm my breathing. I absentmindedly remembered she was practically naked on my lap, but still that didn’t faze me. Not if she was comfortable in my arms, because I felt comfortable with her in them.

I raised my head to look at her and found her beautiful eyes looking at me with such wonder that it took my breath away again. I didn’t stop to think as I leaned to connect her lips to mine, reveling in the tiny gasp of surprise she let out. Still, she didn’t stop me. Instead, I felt her melt against me, tiny mewls escaping her lips as my tongue slowly made its way inside her mouth.

She tasted like mint and strawberries and I was already addicted.

It took every single bit of control I had to disconnect myself from her lips, trying to gather my thoughts before calling her attention to me. “Y/N,” I whispered her name and she cautiously met my eyes, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. I leaned down once more only to free it through my own bite, before looking her in the eyes again. 

“Y/N,” I repeated, and the amount of fear I found in her stare reminded me of what I needed to do in that moment. “Baby girl…” at the pet name, she seemed to relax, even if just for a bit. She adjusted herself on my lap, hiding her face in the crook of my neck, and I hugged her to me, not knowing how to approach the subject. 

“I’m sorry,” I finally let out, caressing the skin on her back with my open palms, trying to scare away every goosebump that the cold raised in its touch. “I’m so, so sorry,” I repeated, knowing that I would never be able to actually apologize for what I had said. But I’d be a fool if I didn’t spend the rest of my life trying. “I can’t even begin to explain how wrong I was in every single thing I told you that day, but I had a crappy day, and it was the anniversary of Haley’s death and…”

She pushed away from me and shut my mouth with her tiny hands. “Stop, Aaron,” she pleaded. “I know you’re sorry. I knew what was going on. That’s why I came here in the first place. I wanted to be here for you, in any way you needed. And I may have overstepped some boundaries, I mean, God knows how much time I spend here, but next time, when you need to be alone, just ask me to leave. I promise I won’t be hurt or angry. I promise.”

Shaking my head and bringing her to rest her face on my shoulder again, I tried once more. “No, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted you to be here. God, how I wanted you to be here. You have no idea how much happiness you bring me everytime I come home to find you here with Jack, and I’m sure he agrees with me.” I gulped, gathering strength to say what I was frankly ashamed to admit.

“I hope you won’t hate me too much for this, but the truth is that your presence had started to hurt me, because it reminded me of how much I wanted you, but couldn’t have you. Every time I see you, I’m reminded of our kiss. I’m reminded of how much I want to kiss you again.” My hand gently pulled her to look at me and I found my gaze trapped in those luscious lips that had been glued to mine just seconds before. I let my thumb play with her bottom one before continuing. “That’s not even true. I want to do so much more with you, to you. I want to kiss you all over. I want to make sure you never know a bad day in your life, which, considering what we do for a living, is laughable, even. And it just serves to cause me even more stress. Because all I want to do is protect you, Y/N.” She opened her mouth to speak, then, but I cut her off with a shake of my head. “No, just let me finish. Please. I need to say this.”

She closed her mouth, albeit she still looked like she wanted to intervene, turn my thoughts into a lighter shade, like she always did to everyone around her just by being her. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I know that I can’t. As much as I want to, I can’t be around you all the time and I can’t promise to keep the darkness away from you, not even the one inside of your own mind. But, what I’ve come to realize is…” She was crying too, by now, and I couldn’t stop myself from wiping her tears with as much delicacy as I possibly could. “... Is that I can try. And if I allow myself to just try, even if I come to fail, I will save both you and me from this pain that I am causing myself, forcing us apart from each other.” She looked down, avoiding my eyes at this, and I knew that I was right.

I sighed, pulling her to kiss her forehead before connecting hers to mine.

“I’m done, trying to resist you, Y/N Y/L/N. I am yours, body and soul and mental problems that you’re probably all too familiarised with.” That made her release a choked up laugh, which in turn made me smile. God, this woman had my heart. “I love you, Y/N,” I finally finished, itching to touch her, pull her to me, but knowing I had to give her the space to say what was on her mind now, too. 

She was looking at me with a smile that could probably melt the whole of Alaska. Giggling, she pulled me by the collar of my shirt to press her lips on mine again. “I love you too, Aaron Hotchner.”

The feeling that overcame me at hearing these words was something I very rarely had the pleasure of visiting, so I allowed myself to close my eyes, pull her to me once more and just enjoy the beauty of the moment. A few more tears were shed, this time of happiness, and I let myself peck her delicious lips a few more times before finding the strengths to push us out of the floor. 

“You should… You should probably put on some clothes,” I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck at her giggles. She quickly located her dress and pulled it over her head before turning back to me, adjusting her hair. 

“Do I look okay now?” I shook my head.

“You never look okay. You always look beautiful,” I explained, leaning down to kiss her one last time. She smiled sweetly up at me, warming my heart to her yet again. 

“It’s weird how I don’t find it weird to see this side of you,” she stated, already leaving the bathroom, with me hot in her tails.

“What do you mean?” I had a slight idea of what she was referring to, but I wanted to be sure.

“This.” She stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, turning around to stare up at me again. “This version of you. When you allow your sweetness to be seen, your caring side to be felt. At work, anyone who spends enough time with you catches glimpses of it, but I don’t think anyone has truly seen you when you don’t try to hide it anymore.” She was right. I could have laughed, taken by surprise, but the truth was that it wasn’t that unexpected. She really had a way of reading people - that’s what made her such a precious arrival to the team. 

But it was like her abilities were enhanced when it came to me.

“I like this side of you,” she continued as she finally stepped into the kitchen, almost as if she was babbling without really noticing what she was doing. “But I also like the side of you that takes control of any crime scene we step into. Since that’s the one I’m most used with, I wasn’t expecting to be automatically so accustomed to the other one.” 

I couldn’t help but to smile, happy to know she liked both sides of me. “You weren’t?” I asked, approaching her from behind as she perused my counters, pulling her by her hips to collide against me again.

“I… wasn’t,” she admitted, turning her neck to try and meet my eyes. 

It was like I couldn’t control myself anymore. In a second, I had turned her around, hoisting her up on my kitchen counter, our lips connecting once again. That kiss was different from the other ones we had shared until now. 

I was taken away by the pit of fire that had suddenly been lit inside of me, and I needed her, my oxygen, to keep it alive. My lips were eager, kissing her to the point of bruising, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she responded just in kind.

I felt her tongue beg for entrance on my lips and I surprised myself by the wantful moan that resonated from my chest. That only seemed to spur her on, and I felt her press her entire body against me, her legs coming up from behind to hold her against my body.

I welcomed the intrusion into my mouth, shivering as I realized she tasted like peppermint and home. It made its way inside of me until all I wanted was to drown in her warmth, and so I found myself pulling her even closer, like I wanted both of our bodies to become one.

I did.

But then, I felt her against me. Unconsciously or not, she had started to grind her lower body into what I had to admit to have turned into an almost completely hard length. Startled, I pulled away, carefully settling her back to the floor and keeping her away from me by my hands on her shoulders as I tried to recover my breath. 

When I finally felt like I could look at her again and not burst at the sight, I found her looking up at me with a pout in her beautifully plump, red lips. Thankfully, she didn’t look hurt, although I could definitely see disappointment in her features.

Chuckling, I leaned down to deposit a sweet but quick kiss on her lips, still maintaining her at an arm's length. “I don’t want to do it like this. Not when you’re still recovering. I don’t want the memory of our first time to be tainted by the battle you’re still going through,” I explained, softly caressing her cheekbone, making sure she understood what I was saying. Her eyes softened at my words, and she granted me a nod. “Now, let’s go get some food in you.”

[twiceinadream]

Twice React: Fem S/O and Them Get Caught By Their Kids

Requested: Yup

Request: Can u do twice and their wife get caught by their kids plz?

a/u: Hey, guys! So it’s been three months since my last reaction (sorry about that) but I’ve had a writing bug this week and finally got this done so I hope you all enjoy. I love you all and thank you the support!

Category: NSFW and Fluff

Nayeon

“Oh sh…”

Being mothers was one of the greatest achievements you and Nayeon had ever come to. However, that also meant alone time was far and inbetween, so knowing your guy’s daughter was having a sleepover at her sister’s was like a message from the divine. Except when she forgot her safety blanket and you guys forgot her sister had a spare key. As soon as Nayeon’s sister had left with your daughter in hand, Nayeon was quick to push you on the couch as her hands found her way into your shirt. You let out a low moan as her lips trailed kisses up and down your throat, small nips made you croon as the sound of the door opening made you two get up quickly. Your guy’s daughter coming into view a few seconds later, “Hi, baby. What’s wrong?” Nayeon was quick to act as you reached for a blanket to cover your neck. “I forgot Blankey.” Your wife nodded as she took her hand, leading her back to her room to retrieve her favorite blanket. Your attention was driven back to the door as you could hear muffled laughter, “What?” Nayeon’s sister just smiled slyly as she shrugged playfully, “Didn’t mean to interrupt Y/N.” You rolled your eyes, “Shut up.” Her laughter followed you as you left the room.

Jeongyeon

“Off!”

Your guy’s son was the pride and joy of both of your lives. But wandering hands in the backseat of the family car feel so much better when you're racing against the clock of your son’s soccer practice. It had been a minute since you and your wife had shared some alone time together and when she pulled you into the backseat you weren’t about to complain as your hands found your way into her pants as you connected your lips in a kiss. “I can’t remember...the last time we did...this.” You could hear the smile in her panted words as your fingers rubbed at her clit, the pent up sexual frustration guiding her to her climax as you continued kissing her neck. “I know. You better cum quick though, I think practice might end soon.” Jeong nodded as she gripped onto your shoulder, her climax seconds away as you heard the door to the van slide open. Jeongyeon panicked as she pushed you away from her, the force sending you backwards as you pretty much fell out of the van and onto the asphalt. Your son’s confused face meeting yours as your wife quickly jumped out as well, making sure nothing looked too strange. “What were you doing?” You looked to your wife as your son raised an eyebrow in confusion. You both shook your heads before replying in unison, “Nothing.”

Momo

“Crap.”

Being married was amazing, but being mothers was even better. Even if that meant having your early morning quickie interrupted by the bedroom door bursting open. It was early on a Saturday morning and you had already gotten busy beneath the sheets as you lapped at your wife’s entrance. Momo bit her finger to keep quiet as her other hand was tangled in your hair, grinding against your tongue as her release began to build. When suddenly, the door to your guy’s bedroom burst open and your sons came running in full speed with Boo at their heels, jumping onto the bed and coincidentally you under the blankets as you yelped in pain, “Ow!” Your boys were quick to jump off you as they stared at a blushing Momo as you emerged from below, “Mom what were you doing to Mama?” You opened your mouth to speak but Momo beat you to it, “We were playing Hide and Seek, right Y/N?” You gave her a confused look as you nodded dumbly. “Yeah, um...and you boys better go hide before we find you!” The two were quick to run out of the room as they left to hide, a shocked look still on your faces as you both suddenly burst out laughing. “Well, I guess that’s motherhood for us.” You gave your wife a smile as you got up from the bed, “Alright! Ready or not..here I come!” Before you left you pecked her lips as you winked, “I’ll make it up to you tonight Momoring, when the boys are really asleep this time.”

Sana

“What?” (Ojou-sama: Small girl in Japanese)

Don’t get it wrong, your daughter was an angel. An angel who seemed to have a “my moms are getting it on” alert system. You can’t really explain what had happened to you in that moment but watching Sana do the dishes just made her look like the most beautiful woman on Earth and with your daughter taking a nap you just couldn’t keep your hands off her. One second Sana was at the sink and the next she was on the counter with your hands under her shirt as you connected your lips in a kiss. Your hands groped at her breasts as your lips left hot kisses down her neck as you nip playfully at her pulse point making your wife squirm as the heat building in her created a knot in her stomach, “Y/N please, I’m so wet.” The sound of her voice made your knees weak as you nodded, reaching behind her as you hooked your fingers into the waistband of her sweatpants and panties ready to pull them down and ravish your wife when you heard little footsteps get closer to the kitchen, “Mommy? Mama?” You both looked at each other in shock as you quickly helped Sana down from the counter just as your daughter walked in, “Yes, ojou-sama?” Your daughter clutched her stomach, “My tummy hurts.” You both frowned, hating whenever your daughter was hurting, “Here I’ll help you, baby.” You offered as your daughter took your hand, “I’ll make it up to you.” Sana shook her head, “Later. Take care of her first.”

Jihyo (This is my favorite Jihyo look hands down. She low key looks like Iris from TWD: World Beyond)

“Nothing!”

Having twins was great! But, alone time after having twins was never the same as before, especially when the door opens. Having a three year old was hard, but having two at the same time was even harder especially if one was very hyperactive and curious while the other tagged along just because they didn’t want to be left behind. So trying to ride your wife’s thigh in the laundry room wasn’t exactly the smartest plan as you were dangerously close to the edge of no return. “Hyo, I’m close. I think I’m gonna…” As you fell over the edge the door to the laundry room suddenly burst open as the face of you daughter and son came into view making you and your wife panic as she pulled her thigh away from between your thighs, which wasn’t the smartest thing since your legs were pretty much jelly mid-orgasm causing you to fall on the floor, “Ouch!” The twins looked concerned as they rushed to your aid, “Are you okay Mama?” You had a heavy blush on your face as the twins hugged you tightly, while Jihyo hid a smirk behind her hand. You rolled your eyes as you made sure the twins weren’t looking as you flipped off your wife. Jihyo just smiled as she blew you a kiss, leaving you to deal with your clingy twins.

Mina

“Move, move, move.”

You were the cool mom and Mina was the graceful one. Except when it came to being walked in on. It was like a whirlwind before you registered Mina on her knees, water poured down on the both of you as she ate you out in the shower. Trying to steal all the alone time she could get with you as your daughter watched Frozen in the living room, your fingers grasping onto the shower curtains as Mina latched onto your clit unexpectedly making you yelp out loud in surprise as your knees grew weak. Your release began rapidly approaching but just as you were at your peak the door to the bathroom creaked open and Mina was quick to stand making her nearly lose her balance due to the water as you caught her nearly taking the shower curtain with you as you peaked your head out. Only to find your daughter staring back at you, “ What’s going on?” Your daughter looked at you worriedly, “I heard you scream Mama. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Both your hearts melted as you thought of a quick lie to ease her worries, “That’s very thoughtful baby, Mama just scared me.” Her gaze suddenly turned to Mina, “That’s not nice Mama.” Mina smiled sheepishly, “You’re right, I should know better. How about you go back to the movie and we’ll be back there soon.” Satisfied your daughter left the bathroom as you both let out a sigh of relief as your wife couldn’t help but snort, “Told you, you were a screamer.” You pushed her into the cold water, making her yelp as well, “So are you.”

Dahyun (Imma go to Hell for this one, but it was just too good not to do it)

*Can’t function*

Dahyun raised your guy’s kids in the church. Even if what came out of her mouth when they walked in wasn’t. Your wife wasn’t super pushy about religion. She just wanted them to have a good foundation before letting them decide what they wanted to do in their lives for the future, so after saying their prayers for the night you and Dahyun also settled into bed as well. However even good church girls had their moments since in the blink of an eye you had Dahyun pinned beneath you as she grinded down on your fingers as you pumped them into her heat, her wetness coating your every move as her back arched. Your fingers began curling into her g-spot as she moaned out, “Oh god, oh god, oh god...” Dahyun was so close to coming when the door to your guy’s bedroom opened making you both panic as you quickly rolled off your wife and wiped your fingers on the sheets before facing your son who was standing in the doorway, “Mom? Eomma?” You cleared your throat as you patted the bed, watching your son quickly climb up, “What’s going on buddy?” He looked between the both of you before looking at his hands, “I heard Eomma saying her prayers really loud, she kept saying, ‘Oh god” a lot and I wanted to join.” At the hilariously innocent answer you couldn’t help but laugh as a dark blush took over Dahyun’s face, “Oh, you just missed it, she finished as you walked in,” He pouted as you ruffled his hair, “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll tuck you back in.” You got up from the bed as you gave your wife a teasing smile, her face still red as she screamed into a pillow. Your laughter following you down the hall.

Chaeyoung

“Behave.”

Chaeyoung was the badass mom who didn’t take shit from anyone. Except when your hands wouldn’t stop moving under the table. When your wife had mentioned “spicing up your guy’s sex life” this isn’t exactly what she meant, but she was so pent up that she didn’t really care that you were trying to fit in an orgasm in the middle of a restraunt as your daughter was in the bathroom. Your fingers teased her through the fabric of her panties as your hand snuck further under her skirt, circling her clit as she gripped onto the tablecloth. Both of you were so distracted that you hadn’t noticed your daughter had returned, a look of confusion on her face as she cleared her throat, “Moms?” At the sound of her voice you and Chaeyoung jumped apart, your wife’s lips were parted slightly as she tried to mask the fact she was panting, teetering on the edge of a orgasm that had been interrupted (which was not your daughter’s fault, but the fact you two were as horny as teenager). You offered a half smile, “Hi, baby, you’re back.” She nodded her eyes looking between the two of you, “Did I interrupt something?” Chase quickly shook her head, “Nope, Mama was just telling me about this ice cream place we should try after.” Your daughter’s eyes lit up at the mention of desert as you gave your wife a look, “Yup, so save room.” She smiled as she sat back down across from the two of you as you whispered into Chae’s ear, “Smooth, Chaengie. Real smooth.” Your wife just rolled her eyes as she Goggled the best ice cream places near where you were. “Shut up Y/N, you’re finishing what you started later.” You smirked as you bit her ear lightly before pulling away, “With pleasure.”

Tzuyu (I wanted to end this react on a sweet note)

“We’re getting a dog!”

You and Tzuyu could read each other like open books, always on the same page. Unless she panicked trying to not have “the talk” with your guys five year old. It had been a long day at work and all you wanted to do was relax with your wife, the massage she had offered you earlier turned more sensual as her hands got lower eventually ending up between your legs as you moaned at the stimulation. Tension leaving your body with every circle of your clit as you neared your climax. Cloud 9 felt like it was just a flick of your clit away when the door to your guy’s bedroom opened and your son stood in the doorway, his own Minjoong in his arms as Tzuyu quickly covered your naked body with a blanket as she looked to the boy, “What’re you doing?” You both looked shocked as Tzuyu looked to the version of Minjoong you had bought for him when he was a baby, thinking quickly so she wouldn’t need to teach a five year old about the “birds and the bees”. “We’re getting you a puppy!” What followed was a unison, “What?!” From both you and your son as he ran out of the room in excitement jumping and hugging the stuffed dog to his chest, a shocked look on your face, “I’m sorry, we’re what?” Tzuyu face palmed as she sighed, “I panicked, I’m sorry.” But by the tone of her voice you could tell that there was something more than just panic that made her say it, a small smile on your lips as you sat up slightly. Ensuring the blanket didn’t slip as you placed a kiss to her cheek, “Don’t worry about it baby. Prada or Dior aren’t bad names for a new puppy.”

[iamyoursinblog]

Green-Eyed Monster

Pairing: Im Jaebeom x Reader

Genre: smut

Word Count:  4.8 k

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LIST

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POV Jaebeom

She will most likely kill me, Jaebeom thought as he headed for the practice room. He was almost two hours late due to the fact that he was busy recording the demo for the new album. He called you several times, but you didn't answer. It seems he will have to beg on his knees for your forgiveness. Perhaps you will agree if he makes amends in the bedrooms, he smiled at the thought. A wave of excitement went through him, from the colorful pictures of what he wanted to do with you. Calmly Jaebeom, he muttered under his breath, smiling broadly.

He opened the door to the hall and froze on the threshold, unable to cross it. You were lying on the floor next to Jackson. Your head was on his shoulder and your hand was on his stomach. It seemed that something inside him snapped. Every time he found you in Jackson's arms or sleeping in his lap, everything inside him boiled with jealousy. But today was the last straw. Seeing you asleep hugging him made everything inside him burn with rage. He closed the door and turned on his heels and headed back to his studio.

Going back to the studio, he hit the chair with his foot, "Fuck!" he growled, unable to calm down. He knew how you treated to him, and the fact that rather there is an excuse for what he saw. But jealousy consumed him completely, and there was no room for any excuse!

Pov You

You smiled when you smelled Jaebeom. Your hand was on his stomach, and despite the fact that the smell was familiar, the sensations were completely wrong... You opened your eyes and pulled back when you saw that you were lying on Jackson's shoulder. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at you "Woke up?"

"What are you doing here?" You asked in disbelief

“I came to see how your practice was going, but I saw that you were sleeping on the floor. So I decided that my shoulder is much more comfortable than floor. But I didn't even notice how fell asleep."

"Damn it!" you swore when you looked at the clock on the wall. You quickly took your phone out of your bag and saw a few missed ones from Jaebeom. Probably he called to say that he would stay in the studio. "See you," you said, quickly getting up from the floor. You grabbed your bag and ran to the exit. You went to his studio, but the thought that most likely he hadn't eaten yet made you stop and go downstairs. Taking drinks and food, you went to his studio.

"Hi darling!" you said happily. You put the bag on the table and went to hug him.

He shoved your hand away, turning to the display "I'm busy, did you want something?" he asked in a cold tone.

“You didn't come to me, and I decided that you were busy in the studio, so I came to you myself. I brought you a snack, I don't think you had lunch today" you tried to sound calm, most likely he was annoyed by the stress of the new album. "I missed you"

"I came, but you were busy" he practically spat out the last word in disgust, forcing everything inside you to turn into ice. "You probably didn't miss me that much while you slept hugging Jackson."

“Jaebeom, I don’t… this is not what you thought. I thought it was you" you just couldn't believe that he was jealous of you for Jackson.

"Yes, really, we're fucking twins with Jackson!" he snorted displeased

“He came when I was already asleep. And due to the fact that you use the same perfume, I thought in a dream that it was you who came”

“You can go home or wherever you want. I have no time for your stupid excuses, I'm too busy for this shit!" he said, turning in your direction, his gaze was merciless "You can take that too" he pointed to the bag you brought before turning back again. "Give it to Jackson, he must be very hungry after playing the role of your pillow" every word was felt like a searing slap in the face. You stood and looked at him with your mouth open. This time, his jealousy crossed all boundaries. You swallowed, clearing the lump in your throat caused by the tears running down your cheeks.

"If that's what you want, then ..."

"Yes, that's exactly what I want!" He interrupted you without even letting you finish.

"Okay" you practically whispered, unable to cope with the pain inside you. You left his studio, closing the door behind you. You slowly walked down the hallway, everything inside you trembled. This was the first time you saw Jaebeom like that. You sometimes had quarrels, but they all stopped within 5 minutes, ending with hugs. Going down to the parking lot, you got into the car giving vent to tears. You headed towards the house, not wanting someone to see you now. You practically did not see the road, because of tears that did not stop flowing down your cheeks.

Going home, you took a sleeping pill from the bedside table and drank a few pills. Now you didn't want to feel all this pain and emptiness inside you. You went to bed and hoped that you could fall asleep as soon as possible. You closed your eyes falling into the darkness.

"Get out!" Jaebeom's scream made you sit up abruptly in bed. A dream, it was a dream. Although he didn’t say that word, his last phrase meant just that. You sighed when you saw it was the middle of the night. What? Have you slept for almost 9 hours? Why did you think that you closed your eyes 5 minutes ago ... you took a deep breath and got out of bed, trudged into the bathroom. You washed up and changed into your pajamas. It looks like there was alcohol somewhere in this house, you muttered as you left the bathroom. You turned on the dim kitchen light and stopped. 

Jaebeom was sitting on the living room floor with his back to the sofa. In his hands was a glass of amber liquid. You were right, there is alcohol in your house. You went to the coffee table and took a bottle of whiskey, pouring it into your glass.. You went back to the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table, looking at the wall, it was too painful for you to look at Jaebeom.

“I was wrong,” Jaebeom said breaking the silence.

You turned your head the other way as tears ran down your cheeks.

"Please forgive me!"

"What's the point? It doesn't matter how many times I tell you that I  love only you. It doesn't matter how many times I tell you that the guys I talk to are just a friends and you shouldn't be jealous because I don't see anyone in them but a good friends. No matter how many times I say, I will prove to you that my heart belongs only to you. It's all doesn't matter if you don't trust me. What is the point of continuing all this if you only believe in what you yourself want to believe" You got up leaving your glass of whiskey untouched on the table

"____, ..."

"Enough... You hurt me enough for today to continue this conversation. Let's talk another time" you took your phone and car keys and left the apartment. You hoped that the further you go now from him, the less your heart will ache. You just drove through the empty city, trying not to think about anything. I came to my senses when there was only darkness around you. You continued to drive along a dark road, not knowing where you were at all. You turned on the GPS and gasped. Seosan - and how did you manage to be here. How many hours did you drive without stopping, you looked around in surprise when the city lights finally began to appear.

You parked at the nearest good hotel and went inside. Trying not to pay attention to how they looked at you at the reception desk, you quickly paid for the room and went to the elevator. All this time, your phone never stopped ringing. The number of missed calls from Jaebeom reached a hundred. You didn’t even know that he could call you so much, you snorted as you disconnected the phone. Turning to the mirror, you laughed for the first time that day. Your hair was disheveled, mascara flowed from tears, and you refused to comment your short blue pajamas with little yellow ducklings at all. Your appearance clearly did not correspond to the level of the hotel, you were glad that you were allowed in at all. Although this is probably due to the car in which you arrived. No wonder they looked at you like that while you were filling out the paperwork. Spending a couple of days here would be a good idea, you whispered watching the sunrise through the huge window as you entered your room.

 POV Jaebeom

He was sitting on the floor next to a nearly empty bottle. What a jerk you are, Jaebeom, he muttered, throwing his head back onto the couch. How can he fix it? And will you allow him to fix something at all? He was ready to kill himself for the cruel words that he said to you. But at that moment he could not stop splashing out on you all those emotions that raged inside him. The problem was not even you, you were not the person to whom he wanted to express all this. He knew you had nothing to do with Jackson. But the problem was Jackson, who tried to hide his feelings for you in "friendship." He guessed that Jackson fell in love with you as soon as he saw, and Jackson's every look at you, only confirmed this guess.

You never gave rise to jealousy, although he didn't always like the fact that he almost always found you in the arms of one of the members. But he never felt jealous of others. Even if today he saw you sleeping on Mark or BamBam, with whom you spent almost all your free time, he would just come up and lie down next to you, throwing his leg over you to listen to your sweet grumbling. He's lucky he didn't meet Jackson after a fight with you.

He tried to call you again, but your phone was still disconnected. Where are you? He could barely reach the bedroom, staggering violently. He hugged the blanket that smelled of you, falling asleep. Shut up, he practically yelled at the phone when someone called him.

"Where are you?" asked Mark when he picked up the phone

“At _____'s home” he muttered barely audibly

“Um… are you okay? What's with the voice? " asked Mark and he heard the woried in his voice

"Hangover"

"Oh, that's it ... yesterday with ______, you had a party, but we were not invited!" laughed Mark. Everything inside him clenched in pain as all the emotions that had been muted by the alcohol hit him with renewed vigor. "Are you crying?" asked Mark in surprise

"I fucked up, hyung ... seriously fucked up!" tears choked him

“I'll be soon” Mark hung up and Jaebeom closed his eyes again

He didn't even notice how quickly the time passed when the doorbell rang. He barely got out of bed and trudged off to open the door.

“You look shitty,” Mark said when he saw him.

“And hello to you.” Jaebeom headed toward the kitchen. He sat down at the table, resting his head in his palms.

"Where is ______?" asked Mark, putting hangover soup on the table

“She's gone. Why am I such an idiot? " he lifted his head to meet Mark's gaze.

"What the fuck happened between the two of you?" asked Mark, sitting down at the table

“It seems we broke up because of me” he lowered his head to the table as tears filled his eyes

"WHAT?! How is this possible? Don't fucking tell me you're jealous of her for Jackson? ”Mark asked and Jaebeom looked up at him in shock.

"Have you spoken to ____?"

“No, but I saw that she slept in the gym with Jackson yesterday. So is that the reason? Seriously?"

"I know!" he raised his voice as he stood up from his chair. “I said so many cruel words to her. I understood that she was not the reason for my anger, but I could not stop myself” he shook his head, remembering your barely audible voice due to tears

"Gosh, what a fucking fuck!" groaned Mark. “Why are you even jealous of her, knowing how much she loves you. She looks at you as if only you exist in this world! You've never been jealous of her for us, so why is Jackson an exception? "

"You know why!" Jaebeom looked angrily at Mark, banged his fist hard on the table

"You know as well as I do that he would never ..."

“And yet he does!” he interrupted Mark. "Every time he does something like that, covering it all up with friendship"

“If I had come earlier, ______ would have slept on me. Would you react the same way? "

"You  know yourself that this means not the same to you as it does to Jackson!" he practically yelled at Mark.

“Even if you're so angry now, remembering this, I’m afraid to imagine what you said yesterday.” Mark looked at him furiously. “Whatever she does, you deserve it!”

“I know it without you.” His jaw tightened. “How can I get her back? _______ took her phone and car keys and just left."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think you deserve to have her come back to you."

"I know..." he answered barely audibly. He knew without Mark that he did not deserve your forgiveness. But what else can he do? He's not ready to just give up and let you go. "But I won't survive without her..." his voice trembled from the tears he tried to hold back

"Moron," Mark growled as he stood up. Mark walked over to the coffee table and picked up your laptop, then returned to the table in the kitchen. He opened the laptop, carefully examining something on the screen. “She clearly doesn't want to see you,” Mark muttered, and taking a notebook and pen, he quickly wrote something down. Tearing off the sheet, Mark handed it to him “This is the last time her phone was on the network. I'm sure this is the address of the hotel. If you hurt her even more, I will kill you myself! " Mark got up and walked towards the exit, leaving him alone.

He looked at the note and his eyes widened - Seosan ?! You ran far away from him ... He squeezed the note in his hands and got up and walked into the room. He picked up the phone and dialed your number again... still no connection. He fell onto the bed, covering his face with his hands. It wonder how you will react if he comes? It would be better if you yelled at him and were angry. Most of all he was afraid now to see indifference in your eyes. He got out of bed and went to the exit. He stopped and looked at your shoes. He went back to the bedroom, taking out your bag, he folded underwear, jeans and a shirt. He understood that it is unlikely that you still walk in your pajamas that are too open, but he wanted to have at least some excuse for his arrival. He lifted your shoes and put them in a bag and left the apartment. He went down to the parking lot, it's good that he arrived by car. Putting the bag on the passenger seat, he quickly started the car and drove to the address that he asked in the GPS. The road took a long time. The further he went, the more worried about you, realizing that you were drove along the night road. He breathed a sigh of relief when he drove up to the hotel and saw your car in the parking lot. Choosing a place farther away, he got out of the car, taking the bag with your clothes. He walked over to your car and smiled when he saw a parking ticket with your room number. He quickly checked in by taking a room opposite yours. He went up to the floor, knocking on your door, he was greeted by silence. He left the bag in his room and went down to the restaurant. He hoped you were there, but unfortunately you weren't there. He sat down at the bar, from where he could see the entrance through the large windows.

Several hours passed and it began to get dark outside, but you never showed up. He got up and staggered towards the elevator. Having risen to his floor, he sat down next to your door, so he will definitely not skip you.

"Jaebeom ..." he heard your voice and looked up.

"Hi" he smiled broadly at you

"How did you get here?"

"You are so beautiful," he leaned his cheek on his knee, examining you. He chuckled, he couldn't think of anything but your beauty.

"Jaebeom, what are you doing here?" you sighed

"I brought you clothes"

“I thought that the turned off phone said about my unwillingness to talk to you,” you walked past him, approaching your door. He grabbed your wrist, stopping you. Clutching your wrist, he rose to his feet. Everything inside him was on fire, he held out with the last of his strength. He headed towards his door, dragging you after him. You wrenched your hand away and turned back to your door. He walked up to you and hugged you on your shoulders, again went to his door. You pushed him away "Enough" you turned your back on him. He grabbed you by the shirt and pulled you back into the room. "What the fuck are you doing!" you forcefully threw back his hand when you found yourself in the narrow corridor of his room. 

He leaned against the wall, his legs practically did not support him. Tears choked him without giving him the opportunity to say anything. He put his hands on his knees as tears streamed down his cheeks. He took a deep breath, regaining his composure. He grabbed your hand again and walked on. He lifted the bag off the floor and shoved it into your hand.

The bag fell to the floor as you pulled the hand out of his grip again. “I have clothes,” you growled as you took a step back from him.

"Very beautiful. Have you bought it? " he smiled broadly, he could not control his emotions. Laughter, tears, hysterics, angry, sad all mixed up inside him.

"Jackson brought it to me" you practically spit those words out. Your words made everything inside him fill with pure fury. He grabbed you by the arm and threw you violently onto the bed when he completely lost control. You got out of bed shoving him in the chest when he tried to stop you by the shoulders. "What's wrong with you?!" you yelled at him. He tried to hug you, but you kept pushing him out "Stop this show"

He squeezed your hands tightly and took a few steps, pressing you to the bed. "Jaebeom!" you growled when he squeezed you tightly, immobilizing you. Tears burst from him. Everything was so confused in his head. He did not understand what he was doing. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said these cruel words to you…” He couldn't stop. He cried so hard that your shirt got wet from his tears. You lay motionless and did not even try to escape. “Sorry,” he said barely audibly, continuing to cry heavily. “We can start all over again, huh? Let's just start all over again.” He couldn't breathe, all the pain he had caused you fell upon him.

"What's happened with you?"

"Shhhh" he covered your mouth with his hand. He took you by the collar, squeezing it tightly. "Why?" he looked at you angrily, "Why did you say that?" the anger at what you said about Jackson is back.

"Are you kidding me, Jaebeom !?" for some reason he felt funny from your look, although his laughter was more like a hysteria. You pushed him hard, forcing him to get out of bed, backing away. He sat down on the bed bench opposite the bed.

His laughter mingled with tears. He took a deep breath to calm. He lifted his head to meet your ferocious gaze. For some reason, your anger in your eyes soothed him. He sighed, shaking his head. "Where are you going?" he asked when you got out of bed and picked up the bag from the floor.

“Thanks for the clothes,” you hissed through clenched teeth.

He got up and taking you by the hand led you to the bed bench where he was sitting. He sat you down, taking the bag out of your hands, throwing it forcefully across the room. He sat down next to you, running his hand over his face. He turned to face you, but you sat motionless, staring at the wall in front of you. He approached you, taking your hand. "Do you want to break up with me?" he leaned forward, wanting to kiss you. You strayed away from him, which caused him to practically lie on top of you in order to be able to leave a kiss on your neck. Your head dangled in the air, giving you space to stray from his kiss. He squeezed your hair, giving you no more chance to tilt your head back, and leaved a kiss on your lips. You tried to push your head away from his kiss by pushing him away with your hands.

"You don't trust me, why should we be together?" you asked and he covered your mouth with his hand. He shook his head, moving you completely onto the bed bench.

"No ... it isn't ..." He rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes as tears filled his eyes again. “I trust you, it's just that Jackson is in love with you. And I can't stop getting mad at him when he touches you.” His voice was no louder than a whisper. “Love for you turns me into a pathetic madman. Please... forgive me.” He left gentle kisses on your face. He removed his hand and kissed you.

"You moron!" you said, begin crying. Your tears broke his heart to pieces. "What a moron you are!" you hit him in the shoulder

"Forgive me. Please, sweetheart, forgive me.” He hugged you tightly. He groaned in relief when you hugged him back. “Forgive me...” he kept whispering in your ear, over and over. "I love you so much! Forgive me!" he kissed you. The gentle kisses became more seductive each time. A wave of desire swept over him as yours tongues entwined. All the emotions that were inside burst out. His fingers dug into your body, wanting more. He moaned when you squeezed his ass with your hand and forced him to rub against your crotch. Your actions each time aroused him to the limit. He ripped your shirt open, causing the buttons to fly across the floor around you. He got off the bed bench with you in his arms, heading for the bed. Taking off your shirt, he threw it on the floor before putting you on the bed. He took off his shirt, throwing it on the floor. He moaned when you left a kiss on his belly. You unbuttoned his pants, making him go crazy with the sight. He ran his hand through your hair, lifting your head up. He kissed you, lying on top of you.

He pulled back to dispose of the remnants of yours clothes before returning to bed. He pushed hard at you, unable to wait even a second any longer. Your hips went up taking him completely. He groaned when you started squeezing his dick. “Baby…" he groaned. He turned, placing you on top of him. He rested his hand on the bed, and the second hugged you around the waist. Your sexy look drove him crazy, making him growl with impatience. You put your palms on his shoulders, continuing to move your hips. He had to control himself so as not to come right now. Every time you were on top, it was torture for him. Your moans filled the room as you continued to ride his dick. He squeezed your waist, making the thrusts deeper. You pushed him back, forcing him to lie down. Your gaze gave him goosebumps as you bit your lip and looked at him with such lust. You turned your back on him and sat down on his dick again. "Oh shit," he growled at the sight of your ass moving on his cock. It is unlikely that he will live to the end. He squeezed your ass, lowering you harder on his dick. His hips rose to meet your movements. He sat down, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing against your back. Leaning you forward, he knelt down, starting to fuck you harder. His fingers dug into your thighs while he fucked you. He took your hands, leading them behind your back. He kept you in the air while he hard fuck you.

He stopped, letting go of you when he realized how cruel he was now. You got to your knees leaning your back on his chest as he sat on his knees. Taking his dick with your hand, you directed him inward again, sitting on top of his knees. You put your head on his shoulder with a groan. He ran his hands over your wet body, bringing his hand down to your clit. He could hardly restrain himself from cumming. He covered your clit, fingering it, making you cum first. You stopped when your thighs trembled violently. You groaned loudly as he started to move again. He also started to cum when you squeezed his dick hard because of orgasm. He fell forward, holding your thighs as he continued to push hard, lost in his pleasure. He put his hands on the bed, slowly moving inside you. Your body trembled underneath him, and your pussy tightened around his dick, sending heat through his body. He fell down next to you on the bed pulling you into his arms when he finally left you.

“I love you,” he whispered, leaving kisses on your lips.

"Why didn't you tell me about Jackson, and especially how you feel about it?"

“Because you friendly with everyone. I didn't want you to feel awkward"

“You could take care of it when you yourself would be calm about it, and not when everything inside you was burning with jealousy,” you angrily looked at him.

“Something went wrong in my plan,” he laughed softly, for which he received a blow in the shoulder. "Ouch ..." he groaned

"Don't even think about whining to me here now."

"Yes, my mistress," he muttered, making you giggle.

"I hope you didn't get into a fight with Jackson?" you looked at him with wide eyes and he laughed

“No, I was lucky and I didn’t meet him. Although I can’t guarantee that it wouldn’t have happened if I had seen him then.” He shook his head.

"Do you understand how stupid this is?"

He said nothing, his emotions were still too strong.

“Forgive me,” you said, and he looked at you in surprise. “For saying that Jackson brought me clothes,” you laughed, “Although I did not expect you to lose your temper so much. I was scared even for a moment, ”you chuckled.

"Sorry, I couldn't control myself." Everything inside him squeezed into a tight knot.

“You and I are talking about everything, why did you keep silent about it? Why did you suffer alone? I promise you, if you doubt me again, I will leave without even looking back in your direction!" you said, and a coldness passed through his body from your gaze. He realized that now in your words there was not even a hint of a joke.

“I don't know why I was acting so stupid. But I promise you that this will never happen again. Never!"

"I believe you, so please don't make me regret it later."

"I swear. I love you"

"I love you too"

He squeezed you in his arms, stroking your hair until you both fell asleep, exhausted by yours emotions.

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More Im Jaebeom x Reader

Chance meeting (smut)

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LIST  (BTS & GOT7)

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