#them examining themselves??
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"In Moby Dick, Ishmael tells of seeing the skeleton of a sperm whale assembled in a grove of palm trees on a South Pacific island. "How vain and foolish," He says, "for timid untraveled man to try to comprehend aright this wondrous whale, by merely poring over his dead attenuated skeleton... Only in the heart of quickest perils; only when within the eddyings of his angry flukes; only on the profound unbounded sea can the fully invested whale be truly and livingly found out."
But, as the survivors of the Essex came to know, once the end has been reached and all hope, passion, and force of will have been expended, the bones may be all that are left.
- In the Heart of the Sea, Nathaniel Philbrick.
#Just finished the book and thought not only that this parting line went hard as fuck#But also that it's applicable in so many ways to another maritime disaster with which we're all acquainted#The Expedition's inability to understand and contend with the raw might of the Arctic itself#Their inability to understand themselves and their own human animal nature until in the direst straits of peril and suffering#And then us in turn - modern archaeologist and modern audience alike#Poring over dead attenuated skeletons and trying through them to comprehend the uncomprehendable#Examining the animal femurs ascribed to saints who never existed - if you will#Quote#In the Heart of the Sea
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the shower pee tags are extremely divisive btw
#I think in general ppl on here need to chill out about hownother ppl clean themselves#sanitation on this level isn't a moral issue#im not just saying that bc I voted yes IM NOT#but fr assumptions about 'grossness' don't come from or exist in a vaccuum and it's really worth it to examine what your biases are#around cleanliness and if someone fails i. cleanliness 1#1. why that's such an issue to you 2. if they actually deserve to be punished for it and 3. how these punishments are inflicted itl#irl* i.e. on disabled ppl mentally ill ppl homeless people etc.#being 'unsanitary' doesn't make someone subhuman#and there are clearly differing standards that ppl hold themselves to depending on a whole host of factors#so obviously everyone is going to defend their stance but like. can we calm down.#unless its a genuine public health hazard which this clearly is not#or even PERCEPTION of grossness ornbeing unsanitary. ppl with feeding tubes and external bladders#bladder bags exist and are around in public and there's so much shame and stigma associated w them#ppl have got to get more comfortable with other ppl existing in ways that dont fit a certain mold ffs#cor.txt
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“gee i wonder why there’s still so much more fanfiction about male characters” “we need more morally complex female characters” “i love relationships that are doomed by the narrative” “more stories need to treat mentally ill characters with compassion and respect” “all his problems could’ve been fixed if he only went to therapy” you fuckers can’t even handle the ending of fionna and cake
#i’m not one to go online and complain fruitlessly about how media literacy is in the toilet but jesus christ#it’s actually devastating seeing so many people actively reject a brilliant and emotionally challenging show#all because they refuse to examine anything about themselves#if you’re genuinely pissed petrigrof wasn’t endgame and the show couldn’t quote unquote let them be happy#if you’re seriously mad your favorite doomed yuri was in fact doomed by the narrative#if you can’t enjoy petrigrof anymore because you now know it’s quote unquote problematic or toxic and not a perfect tragedy#please i beg of you watch it again#this show beat you over the head with a children’s book and then you misunderstood it somehow and then whined about your headache#and if you for realsies believe this show is pushing an unhealthy message with how it handled simon’s depression#this show that showed him so much compassion and understanding and gave him closure and let him move on and grow and seek help#if you think betty was too harsh on him#the betty that sentenced the man who doomed her to life#to live a happy and healthy life#to seek help and grow and become an individual not defined by his grief#if you think that’s seriously equivalent to telling a depressed person to just cheer up#then you are legitimately anti-recovery#i really hope you guys learn how to engage healthily with complex media#one would’ve thought steven universe taught us all a lesson#but i guess a million casper and nova level stories won’t be enough for some of you#here’s hoping you don’t just kin simon but actually follow his example#get therapy#loony rambles#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#adventure time
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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There are three ways to feed an immortal,
I finished How to Survive Camping and I am utterly enamored with it, and especially enamored with CupKate. Those two are really the couple of all time huh. Love confessions more heartwrenching than any allo romances I've probably ever read, a relationship that bopped back and forth from spouse ("spouse") to QPR to guy trying to kill you, but always always they were tied together at the soul.
Even now I can't really wrap my head around Beau not loving her the way she loved him (romantic or not, that was a love deeper than anything). Some things are not for me to know though.
#How To Survive Camping#HTSC#Kate the Camp Manager#Beau The Man With The Skull Cup#The Man With The Skull Cup#r/nosleep#cringe is dead no one can make fun of me for this anymore#truly asexual/aro tooling around with borderline romance leads to the most heartwrenchingly toe-curlingly delicious setups#It's something about being forced to constantly examine your desires and why and how etc. etc.#The both of them are constantly measuring themselves against humanity#questioning their own right to be there (more Kate than Beau as he's like lol im not a human soooo)#But Kate who mourns a horse wrapped into a murder plot that left its body a wreck#Kate who cries for a monster half-made and full of grief for hundreds of years#Kate who throws herself in front of bullets and speeding bulls and monsters and the other half of her soul#she deserves the title of human the most
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astarion's arc mentioning redemption doesn't make as much sense as it seemed it was going to in EA. like Ulma mentioning he might achieve redemption doesn't make much sense now since she's talking about victims he got while being almost literally puppeteered.
Originally it seemed pretty clear we were going to find out some heinous shit he did to the Gur as a magistrate out of his own free volition.
#i also don't think its about his heinousness while travelling with the PC since well. he kinda does nothing if you don't act evil#just all bark and no bite. because larian (sighs) loves player agency too much#so companions don't do anything you don't tell them to do. shucks#i could imagine the original scenario had a better chance at exploring this#because if theres anything that could make a really privileged asshole re-examine their deeds... experiencing that injustice themselves#probably helps#that might be naive or simplistic from me since suffering doesn't really produce epiphanies like that irl i think. but um#i cant picture alive astarion figuring empathy out on his own.#that being said redemption arcs feel kinda overdone so i dont care too much. ulmas comment just made no sense to me#(and the game frames it like shes right for saying this)#on second thought maybe its just a stretch thats referring to his change in worldview where he starts thinking about others. idfk#i agree that's very much in his arc
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an assortment of musings and scribbles...been listening to a lot of blood girl (the first drawing is based off blood girl lyrics), mormor, and moses sumney. been thinking and thinking and thinking....will be back to posting normie and sane shit soon
(last pic is a baby picture of my twin @fatsmyname and i)
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#muertodraws#digital art#trans art#queer art#introspective art#unless u guys like my introspective art#i feel its a tad different from what i usually do#the last one is me and my twin as babies#ive been going thru a lot to say the least#things have settled now but my brain has a chokehold on me unfortunately#and it will never stop analyzing the hierarchies and dynamics that have been launched at me#the burdens and the baggage of others to carry....#thanks a lot im already a trans faggot raised by mexican immigrants now i have to shoulder how white people have hurt me#and i have to shoulder how their hurt will forever be examined by myself and never by the people who committed that harm#because they would absolutely destroy themselves before taking accountability#sigh#anyway#all of my friends are brown now and thank fuck#if ur interested in my art i have been posting more regularly on my patreon#been talking to more indigenous and brown people and i feel way more safer and understood by them#spending time with my boyfriend as well#im still in therapy....yea...
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no but im thinking about how 4halo could be together while keeping their dynamic intact. forever asks bad on a date and bad is like yeah :D friendship date. several dates later bad's the one to propose and he says "will you merry me" as in like. be merry with me. feel joy forever for we're together and we have 11 children aka all of the eggs we have forcefully adopted from the other parents and i dont know what life would be like without you. you changed my life for the better. besties 4evar, forever
#and then richarlyson falls into pieces#and dapper gets to be smug#i don't super enjoy the ship when theyre lovey-lovey but oh my god its so fucking funny to be in a relationship and just Deny it#to each other to everyone else to themselves#is that a wedding ring no its a donut#made of metal#a decoration i wear that's inscribed with my bestie's name because i just like him so much :3#do you see the vision the vibe is queerbait themselves to Hell while being Actively Queer#more thoughtful examination of bad's character is that i think a relationship that actively rejects sincerity is what he'd be most#comfortable in#he's Full of compliments for the other players and eggs but he will Never say that to their faces. he uses sillytime and insincerity as a#shield. if he ever trusts someone to be like. close to them. to consider them a teammate like he considers dapper a teammate#then it doesn't matter what label it gets -qpp or genuine besties or romantic or another option i cant think of- i think that not#acknowledging that sincerity is the only way he could bear letting them into his heart#i don't know forever as well to give a thoughtful analysis but i think that giving him something low pressure that isn't a Romance might be#good for him too if only for the fact that his Romances have all failed p badly. better to just be silly about it yknow just joke around a#lil if it doesn't mean anything then it wont hurt#<- basic angst trope im not sure fits him but be rest assured i am Looking at him. studying that beast.#qsmp#4halo#qsmp shipping
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what a whiplash going to see my 2016 tumblr dash (as linked in that last post) and getting slapped in the face w full blown ace discourse ��😭😭
#i was an exclusionist too lmao i was so pissed as if hordes of cishet aces were coming to Invade Our Spaces?????? CRINGE#i still have beef w the split attraction model when non-aspec ppl use it ON BI SUBREDDITS CONSTANTLY TO DISCOURAGE ANY SELF-REFLECTION#like telling newly out bi's their internalized homo/biphobia is just an inborn trait that cant be helped so dont bother looking into it :)#thats more of a personal pet peeve than anything though#honestly the whole discourse was so stupid and the fake stories and moral panic coming from it was ridiculous#u kno whats real and can be trusted? peoples own experiences and interpretations of themselves. and that needs to be respected and accepted#i got so fed up w the dehumanizing and circlejerky nature of the exclusionist side. not to mention the victimhood complexes and the#black and white thinking that were being normalized by the entire discourse. and the essentialist thinking and public shaming#identities are not inherently above examination and there needs to be a balance between inclusion and exclusion in any context#bc both have negative and positive sides when applied to any group or identity. it should be approached w common sense#i wanna veer away from any generalizations and approach things on a case by case basis#but when it comes to someones personal identity and their lived experience. thats none of my business whatsoever#no matter what. basic respect is believing ppl when they say who they are. thats the bare minimum of interpersonal acceptance#fighting against that in order to uphold some us vs them dynamic is straight up awful#if you cant respect someone bc you cant personally understand their experience youre stuck on the wrong thing#you shouldnt need to relate to someone in order to treat them w kindness and empathy#if you need to find someone relatable to accept their validity then youre not genuinely someone accepting of differences
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Two Things You Should Know About Stonehenge
It turns out, cornflour really doesn't magically dissolve rock! Even the suddenly-vaunted lichen is unharmed, due to the simple expedient of what sounds suspiciously like it was just a leafblower.
There is, however, a plan being rammed through to build a road tunnel through nearby unexcavated archeological sites. This plan has been condemned by Unesco. If you care about the site for reasons other than opposing environmentalism, this is what you should be angry about.
#stonehenge#just stop oil#I'm not saying the people reacting are actively trying to oppose environmentalism#But they should examine the biases of where they get their information#And what ideas might be getting pushed#Because there is a real threat to the site but it's not JSO#And honestly the stones themselves have had the shit kicked out of them for millenia#Victorians used to chip bits off!
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do you guys know how fucking weird it is for me towant to be like ohh bennys super special to me and i actually don't always want to share him except with my friends because i trust them lots and lots Do you know. Because I also hate this man. But he's important to me. But I
#daisy.txt#i trust my close friends to view him with nuance . i do not see them ever f/oing this dude but if they did i think itd be hilarious.#ithink . my trust fears have decided to attatch themselves to him as a coping device. and in part yesman#trying to examine my own mind. i have hyperspecific rules on things and i like understanding where they come from when im able. this is so#so fuckingvembarrassing IDONT EVEN LIKE HIM#🎰.benny
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this is kuron to me.. i dont have a specific au in mind, this is just kinda how this guy always is(or at least how he is in my head lol)
You are so fucking right!!! Kuron is like, "I can either deal with clone identity crisis or gender identity crisis and honestly? I am going to ignore both of them right now"
#Let them rest!!!!!#This is too many identity crisises for one clone right now!!!#But you are absolutely correct. He knows that there is something 'wrong' and they arent themselves but like#He also cant be arsed#She's just trying to survive/live/get the job done. This can be examined later (preferably never)#I will add this to my belief system#kuron vld#voltron legendary defender#kuron voltron#kuron#voltron#empty answers#Thanks for asking!!!!!
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i am a very feminine lesbian. ive had flirtations with Gender that are more to do with autism than, well, gender, and i feel very euphoric when i am able to dress in a feminine manner. i think this is why i am so incredibly delighted by butches. how wonderful, to experience gender so differently than me! how incredible and beautiful and exciting!
#quiltbag#i keep seeing anti butch bullshit and it makes no sense to me#thats a person who has examined themself inside and out and found something that makes them happy#i dont think cis women who are feminine question themselves enough#and the implication that someone can be a woman without buying into the pageantry is offensive to a lot of women who feel like#theyve struggled to participate in the pageant#and thats cowardly. embrace discomfort. examine your knee jerk responses
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Also my dad is having surgery on his heart on Wednesday bc the radiation treatments caused his heart murmur to get worse and leaving it alone isn't an option.
#meanwhile I'm still going 'i want to make muffins rn but i also want to paint doodle witj my new gouache but also i need to work on steph's#book illustrations and i have work tmrw and i hate it-' and then i feel weird abt just. acting like this is perfectly normal#i mean yes i am anxious but i cant actively BE anxious abt it#dad and ma both have more right to be anxious rhan i do and theyre seemingly not and if theyre just keeping themselves together then i have#no right to make everything about me and my feelings and fears#like. if i get upset ma will. dad idefk how he feels abt it he doesnt Seem anxious or uncomfortable or anything abt it. just matter of fact#like ok this is happening now#only thing is hes determined to finish ma's puzzle mat thing b4 hes stuck recovering and not able to do the bending and lifting and stretc#stretching etc of woodworking etc#but yeah am i worried Yes am i going to be able to process that before Wednesday at the earliest? no#idk#I'm not able to phrase this well its not like I'm being weird abt it but i dont want to make ma anxious or have her be preoccupied by worry#she wants needs whatever to be there for him and i need to be as self sufficient and not meltdown as i can#i also just dont want to examine my fears bc that makes them have weight instead of being illogical#if i dont focus on them and distract myself from worries they cant be real
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How are ya pookie?
I swear you guys have a spidey sense for when my mood takes a deep dive.
Hey pookie♥️ Thank you for your thoughtful response to my last post (& thank you to the other thoughtful responses). Your perspective educates me.
Honestly, I was surprised by how the expected, uninspiring rebuttals enraged me this time. It's that horrendous napalm/Vietnamese joke. Even coming from devils advocates I can't fucking stomach it. Days later, I'm still too pissed to craft a productive follow up, but I feel compelled. Even though, in the case of "Napalm Girl," the U.S. didn't drop the bombs, they supplied the napalm. The American curriculum barely touches on the subject, despite the U.S. war on Vietnam being the most infamous use of napalm a.k.a. Agent Orange. (388.000 tons in a decade). Perhaps other people are ignorant, not hateful.
"Napalm Girl" is a real person
Her name is Kim Phuc Phan Thi. In 1972, at nine years old, she was severely burned by napalm bombs dropped by South Vietnamese forces. Nick Ut photographed Kim Phuc fleeing with her brothers & cousins - all young children. The photograph is called "The Terror of War" & has been widely published. Not included here because the image is very disturbing & Kim Phuc is completely naked. She'd torn off her burning clothes & is screaming in pain. Luckily, she survived because Ut drove her to the hospital.
"I started to see people come out of the fireball...First there was a grandmother carrying a baby who died in front of my camera. Then I saw through the viewfinder of my Leica, the naked girl running...I saw her skin coming off and I stopped taking pictures. I didn't want her to die...Kim kept screaming, “I’m dying! I’m dying!” Her body was burned so badly." - Nick Ut
Kim Phuc Phan Thi & Nick Ut (photographed by Mark Edward Harris)
What's the joke?
Context: ravidememe gives irreverent dating/sex advice. If he's deciphering texts, then presumably the person asking is at least sexually interested in the source.
So with that context, he's asked about "Chinese girl" emojis and thinks of Kim Phuc in "The Terror of War." There is something so fucking twisted about that.
Why did he think of "Napalm Girl?" Because her nakedness is relevant to the undertones of this post? Because when he thinks of Asian or Vietnamese women, this is the first thing that comes to mind? Their suffering as a clever cultural reference. Because when he wants to slight Asian or Vietnamese women and this was an acceptable option? There's no acceptable option. It's all racism.
#“but dark humor edgy humor”#is supposed to be subversive. is supposed to upset polite society. is supposed to make people examine themselves by pissing them off.#so how the fuck is racism disruptive when its encoded into law. it IS the institution.#nothing screams independent thinker like being sexist in a patriarchy as old as time. good job.#using the suffering of POC as a punchline? yeah thats only been going on for a couple centuries.#its the geriatric outrage farming for me#stepping on already oppressed groups will never be edgy.#you will never being sticking it to the man. the man decides who's oppressed. he's thrilled to have your compliance.#he's thrilled that you think its counter culture to enforce all the systems of oppression that allow him to thrive.#you're polite society's bitch boy :)
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saw a post the other day (im so sure i put it in the queue god knows when we can expect to see it again because its huge) re: thancred & y'shtola's respective reckless tendencies (self loathing vs borderline hubris) & that got me thinking about varha's own recklessness.
because she definitely doesn't seem like someone who hates herself. like, not even close. there is hubris there, because she knows she's dangerous & good at her job. but the self preservation is missing entirely. she's showing off & being cocky, and that ups her chances of actually being hit. she'll step in the line of fire, not necessarily for the glory but for the rush of it all. she's an adrenaline junkie who's so passively suicidal she'll never actually see it for what it is, because she's generally happy in her day-to-day life & she doesn't self-isolate or actively (read: intentionally) hurt herself in any way. hell, she doesn't even drink that often. she's got a lot of things she likes about herself, and the idea that she might be putting herself in harm's way on purpose so someone else can take responsibility for finally giving her a chance to rest? kind of insulting, in her opinion.
but there are some days where you can catch her moving a bit slower if you look hard enough. where footwork that's normally perfect muscle memory gets tripped over. where she doesn't double-check ammunition before firing off the first shot. her post-battle smiles are still easy, but they're more of a struggle than the fight itself was. some of them might even hold a tinge of disappointment, but that might just be your imagination.
she's not trying to get herself killed.
she's just... tired sometimes.
& that's definitely not the same thing.
#she's vain she's loud she's everyone's best friend#people love her because they feel like she knows them and they really know her!#they absolutely fucking do not.#& because it doesnt fit her idea of someone who doesn't care about themselves or whether they live she can deny as much as she want.#people can tell though. the scions see her often enough for patterns to emerge.#quite frankly gentle coaxing won't work her she Does need someone to yell at her and lay out the evidence so obviously she can't wiggle awa#she might not always care about dodging blades but words are fight or flight#guilting her also won't do shit since she doesn't think she's doing anything so it's kind of a waste of energy#pin her down. make her examine herself. she'll hate you for a week but thank you later.#oc tag#varha naiarro#ffxiv wol#fighting zenos is. whew lmao.#he sure does reflect back some shit to her she would rather not confront.
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