#them being the opposite of their real selves is amazing to me

[flakytartart]

I never talk about it but I love them So Much. Best shadows in the entire game. I think they should kiss

[violetfeatherwind]

Hey guys, so I wanted to make a thread involving a theory in regards to the character Ragatha from The Amazing Digital Circus.

Trigger warning/// this theory will involve heavy topics such as abuse, sexual assault, and hints of PTSD

When we first meet Ragatha, she seems pretty caring and friendly towards our main character, Pomni. She's a cute Raggedy Ann inspired ragdoll human character trapped in the Digital Circus. She seems to try and settle down Pomni on her first day when she starts panicking. No one apparently remembers their past what their names and previous lives were before coming to the circus, however their Digital Circus persona selves could probably be a metaphorical reflection of what possibly happened in their past. When we walk down the hallway of the current and previous character's rooms, Ragatha is explaining to Pomni about how this world will slowly but surely drive you insane to the breaking point. We see her acting extremely anxious and freighted in a way that might make you think that she's having a PTSD moment.

When Ragatha got touched by Kaufmo, (who got abstracted) she started to glitch out in pain. She also told Pomni that she understands if she doesn't want to help her even if she is in pain. When Ragatha finally gets fixed up by Caine, we see her hold her arm which is what we also see her do later in the 2nd episode. Her holding her arm makes it look like she's been hurt in some way. I've heard some folks say that she might have been a mother in the past before coming to the Digital Circus, which is kinda why she has that sweet motherly figure to her personality. She could have had kids that she desperately loved so much and played with them while they also played with their toys like a sweet loving mother would normally do. However, as much as I love her design, I'm pretty sure there's a dark reason why she looks like this.

As I said, Ragatha looks like your typical vintage Raggedy Ann ragdoll that had been sewed up with different materials and one button for one eye. Based on what I've noticed about Ragatha's character design and personality. I'm getting the feeling that before coming to the circus, she had a partner who would constantly abuse her. Both sexually and physically. This could explain why she has a button for an eye and patches on her dress cuz those could represent bruises on her body. If Ragatha was a mom, then maybe one of her children would have probably asked if she was ok to which she would've responded that she was "a-ok" cuz she was trying to hide her hurt feelings from her own children. Which could explain why she tried to stay calm and happy towards Pomni. Abuse could have made her become in denial that she is suffering from physical abuse, sexual assault, anxiety, and some PTSD. She wasn't treated like a human being. She was treated as if she was an object. A toy metaphorically speaking. A plaything...

One of Gooseworx's inspirations for the series is a story called "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Elison. It has five main characters that are trapped by an AI that was used for different parts of the world for a war. Unfortunately, the computers merged together. and wiped out every human being on earth except for five human beings (four men and one woman). The AI which is called AM are continuously tortured and have their minds shifted to something they weren't when they were on earth. This theory that I've been writing reminds me of one of the characters in the book named Ellen. She was unfortunately altered by AM to be extremely sexually active, even though she was supposedly a pure and innocent person when she was on earth. However this part of the story is the complete opposite of what I'm theorizing about. I know that there really won't be anything like this in The Amazing Digital Circus , but it is definitely something that could've happened in the real world to Ragatha. She could have been a mother but also an abuse victim. I know that a lot of abuse victims will try to hide their scars and act like they're ok or think that if they tell, it'll make the situation worse. I can tell that people who have abusive partners probably try to make them happy by doing stuff for them if they want them to stay with them which is probably why Ragatha was ok with Pomni not wanting to help even though she was hurting which is extremely sad. NO ONE deserves to be in an abusive relationship. And I hope that anyone out there can get the help and support they need ❤️

[madara-fate]

Hey, hope you're doing well! I just discovered your blog and you are literally a blessing to this abandoned fandom. Honestly, you're one of the few to tell it like it is without exaggerating or softening the facts and that's REALLY refreshing. Although I cannot say that I agree with all of your points of view, they are nevertheless all relevant and sobering. I left this fandom 5 years ago, recently came back for Sasuke Retsuden and I'm glad to know that their general mentality hasn't changed😑 Discovering your blog has been a real breath of fresh air for me among this sea of ​​bullshit that exists in the Fandom.

i have never seen such a toxic and ballistic fandom in my life, no wonder it has its own fucking anti-tag-

Anyway, just to tell you that I love you, never change and you are amazing.

ps: I came across some pretty funny stuff a few days ago: basically the person implied that if Charasuke's main characteristic was to be a Casanova and THEREFORE heterosexual, that means the canonical Sasuke is gay . .. sorry, but I searched and still couldn't find how the person came to this conclusion😂

On the same day, I came across another article that talked about SS/SH and basically said that even though SH is a crack ship, it actually makes more sense that I quote "a girl who spends her time stalking him and chasing him" and I was like wtf?! I know you're not interested in ship wars and baleen, but this really got me thinking about how most Hinata fans view her character. Like, I know I have no right to judge their expeditions because they do what they want but when I was still reading fanfics written about this couple (something I very quickly gave up because of…lots of things)

with insinuating CANNON COMPLIANT tags or even meta-analysis of what the ship could have been if it existed and how it would have been better for them and blablabla, I ended up wondering if they even really love Hinata for what she IS canonically or for their own fantasized vision of her?! (and that goes for Sakura and Sasuke too, which I sometimes wonder if their fans even understand their characters)

but hey…I guess given the fandom we're in, that shouldn't even surprise me anymore…

Brief! sorry for this long diatribe (initially, I was planning to do a little thank you thing but the plan went a little off the rails 😅) I wish you a good week in any case and thank you again for the joy you bring us!

Sorry in advance for my English, it's not my mother tongue😭

Many thanks for the kind words of support! ^_^

ps: I came across some pretty funny stuff a few days ago: basically the person implied that if Charasuke's main characteristic was to be a Casanova and THEREFORE heterosexual, that means the canonical Sasuke is gay . .. sorry, but I searched and still couldn't find how the person came to this conclusion😂

The RTN characters opposites to their regular selves personality wise, not sexuality wise. Hence, none of the other canonically straight characters were depicted as gay in RTN. But Sasuke who was canonically shown to ignore the advances of all the girls was depicted as a ladies man, Hinata who was canonically shown to be very shy and introverted was depicted as loud and brash etc.

On the same day, I came across another article that talked about SS/SH and basically said that even though SH is a crack ship, it actually makes more sense that I quote "a girl who spends her time stalking him and chasing him" and I was like wtf?!

Sasuke and Hinata never said a word to each other until deep into their adulthood, and they think that would have made more sense than Sasuke being with someone who he himself described as being dear to him and one of his two precious comrades? Jeez.

[loser-dog]

No cause trans people are so cool. We’re all just exploring who we are and every other trans person just kinda gets it. Like, we all lift each other up and some of my biggest idols are trans like Ezra Butler, or Gerard Way (he��s not trans ik but he says he relates to trans women so he kinda gets the trans thing too.) and it makes me so happy. To see people happy and thriving as who they are is just so amazing, cause I know that I’ll make it there one day. I’ll get top surgery, and I’ll take testosterone, and I’ll workout regularly and have a better diet, and I’ll live with my lover(s) and a couple cats, and I’ll sleep shirtless every night. I’ll have forgotten the feeling of being misgendered or dysphoric of my looks or voice, and I know that every other trans person will too. Even if it takes a million years, we’ll all be happy and comfortable with ourselves one day. Even if it’s not everyone’s goal to get surgically/medically transitioned, we all feel very similar.

Sidenote:

I was thinking about it earlier and I realize the at my ideal partner would be a trans person, But it’s not in the weird way of like a “I want someone who looks like a boy/girl but had the opposite genders private parts” I mean it as in they would understand me and my transness and I would understand them and their transness and we would just love each other for each others true, real selves. If I’m being completely honest, I just want someone taller than me (which is like 95% of ppl bc im shorter than 5’5 kms/j) that could fluster me too like is that so much to ask? Just a tall trans person is really all I want. I want a t4t relationship. Is that so hard to understand? Just tell me I’m pretty and I’ll literally fall in love with you, no questions asked. (I’m a minor so pls do not dm me I repeat I am a minor I will not message back unless I know you irl, please and thank you)

[karrenseely]

Resilience

I've been thinking about something else the last few days. I've been thinking about how amazing it is that so many of us trans folks not only exist, but manage to exist as ourselves, and do so while remaining relatively sane. I mean, think about it. The majority of us have been gaslit from day one to believe we're the opposite gender. Not just by our parents, but by society, by our peers. And it happens to us non-stop. 24-7. In someways that gaslighting will continue for the rest of our lives as society, bigots, and the world doesn't see us as the gender we are. And despite this, in the face of all of everyone in reality telling you you are the gender assigned at birth. We manage to understand, we're not crazy. Everyone really is just wrong about us. And that we are the gender we wished we were. Then we start doing something about it. In the face of all of this opposition. We realize we can be ourselves. That we have every right to be ourselves. That because gender is so fundamental to our identity, to who we are as a person, how we relate to our own bodies and how others relate to us, as we do them. I think the only reason we can realize who we are in the face of everyone else telling us we're wrong, is because it is so fundamental to anyone's identity.

In the face of all of this, it is wonder any of us manage to maintain our sanity. I mean, between the abuse I got, the constantly being told I wasn't who I was, I don't always trust my perception of reality. But when others reflect what I think I'm perceiving back to me, then 99% of the time my perceptions are if not spot on, pretty close. And yes I recognize the irony of saying I'm sane, when I'm still dealing with the latest mental breakdown from my childhood trauma. But to me, insanity is hallucinating, voices, people, things, animals, seeing what can't possibly be real, and believing it is real. And given my perceptions seem to be pretty spot on despite my doubts sometimes, I'd say I'm relatively sane and self aware.

Granted the haters will continue to claim I'm delusional for not believing their lies. For believing I am who I am in the face of so many people who say otherwise. Except the science, the research, seems to be backing us up some. A little bit here, a little bit there. More importantly, getting to be ourselves generally improves our quality of life compared to before. We're less likely to die by our own hand if we can be ourselves. Which says something all on it's own.

This then makes me wonder about our brains and what differences there actually are in them when it comes to our proprioception of our gender. I mean something had to form differently there, or our bodies wouldn't feel so wrong in the first place. And is it just proprioception, or is our gender even more fundamental then that?

But I'm getting off track. Regardless. I think it's pretty amazing that we manage to figure out who we are and live our authentic selves in the face of so much opposition. I just wish none of us had to. I wish we didn't have to be so resilient.

[skullsandwineglasses]

I’m caught up to episode 39 of Immortal Samsara, and I’m waiting for the new episode on Monday, but I can’t seem to get the drama out of my head. I can’t bring myself to be productive and focus on anything else. 

I don’t want to start a new drama to distract me from it. And I’m trying hard to avoid spoilers, although the MVs on bilibili have all worked in spoilers into their videos, so I do know what’s coming and what to expect. 

It’s just weird how much I am fixated on Immortal Samsara because xianxias shouldn’t affect me anymore since I’ve already watched so many of them and have seen all the tropes, and Immortal Samsara isn’t even that great of a xianxia. 

I’ve also watched the BTS to help me detach myself from the story by looking behind the curtain. And so in theory, I shouldn’t be so absorbed and immersed into the storyworld. Usually watching the BTS helps me break the illusion. But this time, it hasn’t. (Sidenote: I thought Cheng Yi was especially chaotic on the set of Love and Redemption, but it turns out that this man is just extremely chaotic and unhinged off-screen in general, especially when he’s with people he’s comfortable with, like Yang Zi. He’s yelling and jumping and dancing and singing and screaming and mocking. He’s just so loud lol. I’m amazed at how anything was filmed at all when he’s so goofy and doesn’t take anything seriously, and yet he’s the poster child for whump and tragic suffering. I want to see how he flips the switch between being the class clown to the tragic, heavenly hero. And then in interviews, he’s the complete opposite where he’s shy and anxious and flustered.)

But I think the problem is that we’re at episode 39 already, and the leads haven’t gotten together yet. Like at all. The angst has only just begun. Usually, the leads would have already had some kind of mutual declaration of love and have gotten together at this point, even if briefly before being separated by a misunderstanding. When couples get together in dramas, it gives me peace of mind. I feel that I’m able to detach myself from dramas when this happens, sometimes even losing interest afterwards if the affirmed relationship drags on for too long.   

But in Immortal Samsara, this hasn’t happened yet. Yan Dan and Ying Yuan/Tang Zhou have never had a true moment yet where they were able to be happily together with their feelings out in the open. It was only in that short dream sequence in the ash forest, but that doesn’t count since it wasn’t their real selves, but their idealized dream selves. 

And so I’m just sitting here, rocking in a fetal position, waiting for the next episode to come out because I need them to face their feelings, accept each other, and be together, even if only temporarily, so that I can have some closure. I know I said that I’m proud of Yan Dan for finally maturing, moving on, and wanting to live for herself, but after re-watching some of their scenes in the earlier episodes, I do miss seeing them together. 

The last drama I watched was A Dream of Splendor, and the leads got together pretty early on, and even when they had a misunderstanding afterwards, at least they were able to be together for a moment, and so the first chapter of their story was able to get some closure. But I guess you can argue that non-fantasy dramas allow characters to romantically get together more quickly

But even in Love and Redemption, probably the angstiest xianxia there is, had a period where Sifeng and Xuanji were able to be happily in love and officially together before hell broke loose. 

But it’s been 900 years. 39 episodes. Yan Dan still hasn’t gotten a confession or explanation directly from Ying Yuan himself. She still has a festering open wound that was never able to close. Tang Zhou’s confession doesn’t count because his worldview and responsibilities are much simpler than Ying Yuan’s, so it’s easy for Tang Zhou to confess, make promises, and give everything up, because he doesn’t have much to give up in the first place in comparison to Ying Yuan. 

Usually the plot structure of xianxias goes like this: ambiguous feelings -> get together -> misunderstanding and angst -> resolve angst -> second conflict -> get together

But the plot structure of Immortal Samsara so far has been: ambiguous feelings -> misunderstanding and angst -> ambiguous feelings (but more lighthearted and fun) -> more misunderstanding and angst (i.e., where we are currently). 

Angst! Has! Never! Been! Resolved!

They! Have! Never! Even! Had! A! Chance! To! Get! Together! Before! Yan Dan! Regained! Her! Memories!

I’m spending way too much time and mental energy on this drama tbh, while others are spending their time and mental energy on more worthwhile dramas like LBFD and LLTG. I really do question my taste in dramas, but the heart wants what the heart wants. 

On reddit, someone said that Immortal Samsara is not worth hating but also not worth watching, and while I see their point, I can’t help but want to defend the drama because it’s not that bad. 

Like yes, sure, it’s not original, but when have xianxias ever been known for their originality? 

I saw a video on bilibili that was like, what kind of bullshit love is worth remembering for 900 years? And I burst out laughing because, true, the premise is ridiculous, but the idea of enduring love is pretty much the point of xianxia? It’s like a fairy tale. Insta love isn’t supposed to make sense. I’m still very much a trash teenager at heart. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my Saturday night rant as I try to purge my feelings. 

[damn-behzinga]

Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once -   Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his  friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry’s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric)   ☀️  

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader)  🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

[sunfoxfic]

Hey! I read your posts about the English dub positivity and they make me feel so validated<3 Thank you!

And maybe you've talked about this earlier, and sorry if this seems a bit too vent-ish, but I just want to talk about what exactly bothers me about this discourse.

Of course, like you said, it is like, 99.999% about Adrien's VA. But honestly something about this is bugging me so much and I need to get this off my chest.

People talk about Eng dub Adrien and French dub adrien as if they are two different people. And mostly they also say that French Adrien was what the creators intend to convey, that he is the "real" Adrien, if that makes sense? And seeing all that makes me feel like I am missing the whole point of Adrien's character. For context I am someone who watched all the episodes in the English dub, and Adrien has grown to be a character to whom I relate to. And people saying that what I have perceived about him, through the eng dub is wrong and not intended is just really...I don't even know how to describe it but I just don't like this feeling. And some even say that the eng voice makes Chat Noir seem to be "toxically masculine", the "Cool kid" and that is a HUGE disservice to his character (because he is like the exact opposite of it). I have never thought of him as such a character and I watched everything in eng dub, but then, AM I WRONG?? And I think it's a "My whole life's been a lie" moment for me, if you get what I mean? And the popular analysis blogs which I come across and who make amazing character analysises about Adrien are ALL people who watch the French dub. (Okay this sounds basically like the whole true selves thing again actually). I may have even grown too attached to the English voices, I guess?

Thing is, almost 158 or so of the 160 people I follow are all Pro French dub. And they are few of the most positive and lovely people in the fandom I've ever seen and seeing them say that the French dub is really better and that is more "accurate, amazing,etc" confuses me and again, doesn't make me feel happy.

I tried watching at least the season 4 in French dub with subs. But I just can't concentrate on the animation, visual cues, the expressions and generally just connect with the characters while paying attention to the subtitles too. Moreover I think I've got too used to Christina and Bryce's voices and hearing different voices as Marinette and Adrien just feels...weird and not right.

And I know all this and thus started watching in English dub, because I know subs just don't work with me. But everyone I hear Adrien talking, this is actually sort of hilarious, but I just can't help but remember all the things people say about the english voice and it dampens my mood. Like I can't describe it correctly but the feeling of "This is not the original, intended character envisioned by the writers" just makes me feel so annoyed.

And then there's also this post I came across, saying that in the "English dub world", Ladybug not being attracted romantically to the "eng dub" Chat Noir would be the most realistic thing ever. I mean I don't even know why this is bothering me but I think that this feels like a justification of people salting on Chat for being "a harasser". Because it's almost like "We can't blame the salters, they saw the eng dub in which he was a douchebag". Thinking about this, actually this is the MAIN reason all of this is bothering me. And all of this also makes me feel like I am almost wrong for liking eng dub adrien because he is bad or something? (I think I have lost my coherency sheesh-)

Of course, maybe I am just over thinking all this and catastrophising.

To top all of this off, the major, biggest thing which is bugging me - I feel like I am alone with this. I mean I am glad I found you, but still I am yet to come across someone else who actually likes the English dub. I shouldn't be worrying about this of course because people are entitled to their opinions, but... Idk man. I used to feel like I was the only one who actually preferred the English dub, you know? Like even if people are pro-eng dub, it's more like the "I don't have a choice" sort of thing. I feel like I may even be the only person who likes the English dub JUST because I love the voices, I love the characterisation, and it just feels like...home to me?? (And for the record I am not even an American-). I tried watching the Gang of Secrets in french, but I felt...nothing in the end scene, while in the English dub I really cried and it just moved me in general.

Someone who I used to follow, a quite popular person in the fandom actually, outright said that they HATE the English dub because the voices were too "cartoony", and that the French dub was more pleasant, and a nicer experience and of course I know that it's their opinion, but many people who I follow and interact with also replied to the post saying that they preferred the French dub and again cue the "my life's been a lie" moment. Now, I don't want to unfollow all of them or stop interacting with them because they are amazing people! And I love interacting with them and their content. Sacrifices to be made, I guess.

Sorry if this got too long. I don't even know why this makes me so upset and I guess I shouldn't even be. But I just guess I needed to talk? Maybe validation is what I needed.

Anon, you have hit SO MANY topics that I wanted to talk about so I'm going to do my best to address everything you said.

First I'm going to address English dub Chat vs. French dub Chat, because you're exactly right, the difference there is often regarded as the make or break reason for watching the English dub vs. the French dub. People don't like English Chat because they think he's... I don't even know exactly what they think. Too pushy? Too rude? Not joke-y enough?

I will say that there's a fair amount of people who just don't like Bryce Papenbrook's voice, which is fair, even if I have opinions on it. He certainly has a unique voice.

But you're right -- English Chat is regarded almost as a different character than French Chat. And that's baffling to me, because he... isn't?

Like, okay, let's get into my theories on characterization, because I am a writer first and have been since I was 11.

I believe that characterization is about 80% what the character does and 20% what the character thinks. After all, let's describe Adrien's personality:

Brave: He's willing to jump into battle at a moment's notice, even if it means extreme danger for him

Passive: He tends to not impose himself on others if he can stomach whatever distress he's going through on his own, and even when he can't and genuinely needs help

Affectionate: He does what he can to show people that he loves them, largely through physical affection and verbal reinforcement (his love languages are physical touch and words of endearment)

All of this information fits firmly into the show don't tell category of characterization, and as such, these things transcend dubbing. Without contradicting what is happening on screen, it would be pretty damn hard to dub these out of his character.

Fundamentally, he is the same character in English vs. French. What does change is largely superficial -- namely, his sense of humor. And even that I'd say stays consistent 90% of the time.

There's a post somewhere on my blog and I can't be bothered to find it but it says something along the lines of, "People just totally skipped the 'things are bad because they cause harm' part of morality and went straight to 'don't do bad thins.'" I don't totally know what caused me to write that post, I'm sure I was vagueing about something, but it is very much so applicable here.

Yes, there's jokes that Chat makes sometimes that might be uncomfortable if applied in a different context. No one's denying that. But the context matters -- you shouldn't have to stop making what might be off-kilter jokes just because someone might perceive them the wrong way.

Those jokes are bad because and when they cause harm. Ladybug has made it very clear that she is okay with Chat joking around and flirting. Is there sometimes a blurry line? Yeah, there is. And sometimes Ladybug is inconsistent about her boundaries, like in Glaciator 2, but we the viewers should know that she wasn't really upset about Chat so much as her image being taken away from her. (Something that he should be upset about but I think that's another piece of analysis.)

We also know that the moment her boundaries are crossed, she will not hesitate to punch a motherfucker. That transcends dubs, too.

If someone makes a joke that makes someone else uncomfortable, it is wrong because it makes someone uncomfortable. Nothing Chat says is inherently harmful and we've been given time and time again where not only does Ladybug say that it's okay for him to joke around like that (Hack-san), she seems to have fun with it (Heart Hunter).

You can't dub that out, but even if you could, the English dub doesn't.

In some ways, I think analyzing the characterization based on the dubs is almost... well, if I'm putting it nicely, that ain't it. Actions speak louder than words, which is cliche but when it comes to characterization it is absolutely true, and their actions never support what people say is true of the English dub. Which makes sense because you CAN'T DUB OUT ACTIONS.

As for Marinette being attracted to English dub Chat Noir: I think that may actually hold some weight... just not for Marinette. Like, let's just simplify and talk about attraction and affection in terms of the five love languages. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. People tend to show affection in the same way they prefer to receive affection.

Look at the way that Marinette has tried to confess to Adrien damn near every time. The things that have stuck around in the fandom the longest as symbols of Marinette's love. The scarf, the lucky charm, the beret.

Remember the moment that Marinette fell for Adrien? When he gave her the umbrella?

Marinette seems to respond strongly to giving gifts, as well as acts of service: she's constantly trying to help other people with what they need and want.

It has really bothered me as of late when people talk about these characters as though they get a new personality all of the sudden when they're dubbed in English. They just do not. Yeah, quirks here and there might change, and you're allowed your preferences, but if your main basis for what a character is like comes from their sense of humor or choice of vocab then you aren't doing character analysis, I'm sorry to say.

Here's the thing: You are not alone. You estimate 158 out of 160, but I'm telling you, the vast majority of the English speaking fandom prefers the show in English; we just maybe aren't as vocal about it. (In general. Obviously I'm an outlier who should not be counted,)

And the other exhausting thing is that I am so with you in the fact that watching with subtitles is just so exhausting compared to watching in English. (I mean, preferably I want both, but that's beside the point.) How do non-French speakers see the details in animation and keep up with the tone and not miss things about plot when they're watching in French? Fuck, I watch Ephemeral in French and I did not pick up on the fact that the time went all wonky because Sass used his power. I was so distracted and confused that I completely missed that detail.

Honestly, French speakers are some of the least condescending people about this topic; the worst of the worst almost never know French, in my experience. Which leads me to believe that there is just some amount of superiority that goes into it.

I also think that the cartoonish nature of the voices are pretty endearing, honestly. This is a cartoon and I am done with my days of trying to make my interests into something more mature than they are. The exaggerated nature of the voices is fun and funny and it's not like the actors don't know how to be serious when the role calls for it.

I really do prefer the English dub, and I know other people who do. I love Christina Vee and Bryce Papenbrook; Nino's new VA is really starting to grow on me; I love Chloé's voice and even Zoé's VA, who I didn't like at first, is really starting to grow on me after Gabriel Agreste.

People can have their preferences. That's fine. Honestly? I hate Plagg's French VA. I think I feel about him the way people who hate the Eng dub feel about the Eng dub; the voice actor just sounds so cartoonish and I can't imagine any emotional weight going into that performance the way I feel there is for Plagg's English VA. But I don't tell people that my opinion is objective, or that they shouldn't love their preferred Plagg, because at the end of the day, that's the same Plagg who made himself a sock counterpart and hugged Adrien when he realized that Adrien would give him the freedom to do what he wanted; that's the same Plagg who tried to Cataclysm Gabriel Agreste upon the man taking the Cat Miraculous; that's the same Plagg who tried to convince Adrien that Marinette couldn't be Ladybug multiple times. Those things aren't dubbed away.

This is an accessibility concern. I don't want people for whom the French dub is inaccessible to feel left out. This is an issue of why people think they're so different just because Chat makes different jokes. This is an issue of why people think that the English dub is all that inaccurate (you guys know that Astruc speaks English? And is probably consulted on bigger decisions like the names of akumatized villains and such? That the English dub is objectively bigger than the French dub and that means there's a lot of pressure to get it right?).

The main thing I'd say is like. I think we as a fandom are very fortunate to have this show dubbed in so many languages. It gives us a huge sandbox to work with because there's conflicting information and various sources of information and all sorts of performances that might be your favorite. And that's a good thing! Saying that people shouldn't watch the English dub because the French dub is better is like saying that people shouldn't see a musical on tour coming to where they live because it's not the original Broadway cast. Does that necessarily mean this cast isn't as good, or that there aren't things to enjoy about the cast? Do you think that a YouTube slime tutorial is ever gonna be as good to watch as a live performance?

I don't think there's any reason to pit the dubs against each other. I think there's every reason to discuss the merits of each dub and what it can bring to the table and from there be and let be.

All this said, I am planning to make a full list of my favorite English dub moments (probably from S4 and then from the entire show because I'm planning on rewatching S4 very soon -- once my college courses go on break -- and then hopefully the rest of the show too because there's episodes I haven't seen in well over 2 years now. If you want to join me for this -- I will be watching the show in the English dub -- you can do so here, in my Discord server, where fans who may not have people to enjoy the show with IRL can watch together in real time.

[denimbex1986]

Highlights From The #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier Press Conference

“This is the second one coming out on disney plus, it was the first one that got started. It ended up working out very well, it was meant to prove to everyone that just because a show is on TV it will not be as big as it can be on TV. The first episode really starts off w/ a bang.”

"It was an opportunity to really go deep, we really learn how these characters are." - Kevin Feige

“I approached it like a film, this is a 6 hour film. We did a lot of looking at shows that was in our paradigm. We have a buddy cop relationship really going. I look to other shows that have influences me. I looked at Midnight Cowboy but it will be uniquely signature to Marvel.”

“The buddy cop- genre for the show what we love about them. The show will showcase the range, it can be gritty and funny, in-between. It allows Bucky and Sam to do their thing but it also allows us to touch upon much larger issues.”

"Sam Wilson has always evolved in the Marvel of the comic books and now he will evolve in the cinematic universe. Everyone will see the new and improved Sam Wilson." - Anthony Mackie

10 years with Bucky Barnes has allowed me to grow and evolve with the character and with myself. We hone in on his sense of humor and getting therapy. We will marry the two: mental health and humor. He's now on a quest of identity, reeducating himself about the world he is now in.” - Sebastian Stan

"The great thing about the show is you can't find 2 people further opposite than Bucky and Sam but there is a mutual respect & understanding. We learn and teach each other a great deal. We are friends and that's not a term we use lightly. We allow ourselves to be our best selves."

"It's about the tone, we are trying to make sure this comes across as real & we tackle very real issues. I turn to Anthony for guidance for that" - Sebastian Stan

"The idea of Sam Wilson and the evolution of the Falcon diving into his family, his issues and the complications he faces, we have to introduce these characters to the audience. It's always great to learn more and give more about your character." - Anthony Mackie

"As everyone knows PTSD is not something that goes away. It's something we have to learn with and grow better with and deal with. PTSD will ground these characters and cause them to come together." - Sebastian Stan

"We really did approach the show like we did the movies, if we have a season 2 with #WandaVision they will go back and forth between Disney+ and theatrical." Different characters can show up in any format." - Kevin Feige

“It the pain & the idea of not being able to go on these mission & to not be able to be with his friends, you don't want to see Steve Rogers/Captain America go away. That's why he says the shield feels like someone's else because he was a fan like everyone else. Sam is just a guy.”

“I've been calling the movies the snack & this is the meal. We are able to dive into each character with the TV show. The movies are immersed in a world saving event but on a series you're able 2 get inside the lives of our characters. I love the space of being able to world build.”

“Sam and Bucky's love-hate bromance has not changed, it's gone into a further divide. Steve is missing and they deal with the consequences of that, but they are in a similar place in terms of the questions they're asking." - Sebastian Stan

"I don't look at what people want vs want people need" However there are moments that turn into a new thing...like people expecting a certain engineer in WandaVision" - Kevin Feige

What cameos can we expect? "No more surprises." - Kevin Feige "You can expect many surprises." - Anthony Mackie

“The great thing about what we were able to do with nothing was water-down in the stunts because of that the stunts are amazing. There's more physical and hand-to-hand combat,. We utilize our natural strengths. We did a lot of stunt training and some of the stuff you see is us.”

"We are working on 10+ series and this is what excited us about Disney+" - Kevin Feige

"We started with this story & we had to react to what's happening in the world but we were able to proceed as normal. As the world was changing, we were able to sharpen our focus on the show. It didn't change anything, it helped us focus. I'm so thrilled #WandaVision did so well. “

“Tony Stark dealt with his PTSD. This [show] will ground us in the emotions of our characters. There has been A LOT of trauma for our characters over the years. We think about what if we were these character, mentally there would be horrific elements/consequences.”

Sebastian Stan wants to work with "Knight Moon (lol). I heard that story and it's going to be amazing.” Anthony Mackie wants to "spend some time in Blade world. They were shooting Spider-Man in Harlem on 125th street and I was a HUGE Tobey Maguire fan."

"The characters of Bucky and Sam are essential to the MCU and whatever they go through WILL have an impact on the MCU. It is hard to navigate every fan theory that will pop up but there can be character shifts that have massive implications on the MCU down the line" - Kevin Feige

"We always take our lead from the comics about SHIELD, HYDRA, SWORD. There's always an inherit need for shadowy organizations in the MCU" - Kevin Feige

"The past is prologue, the clues are everywhere in what has lead to this moment, sometimes it's just a name but we do pull from the lineage from the comics and tweek it. Stay tuned over the course of the series." - Kevin Feige

"Endgame was a monumental shift of the universe. The scoop of the film is larger than what anyone could have imaged. Our goal was to not have messed it up. We didn't want to be the first crappy Marvel show. Steve Rogers will be proud our show does not suck." - Anthony Mackie

"Loki better not suck" - Anthony Mackie

"Thank you to everyone for making this the show that doesn't suck" - Kevin Fiege

Information/updates courtesy of Dana @sagesurge on Twitter. 

[anonthenullifier]

Hiii!!! I just finished reading your Snapshots fic on ao3 and they're all amazing!!! I love how you write the family dynamics between the kids and wanda/vision, they're all vv sweet and I'm here for it!! Do u think tommy and billy ever did a parent trap kind of switch for some reason?

Thank you so much! 😁 This was a fun ask and I hope you enjoy! 

***

The sizzle of butter in the skillet provides a lively accompaniment to Wanda’s aggravation about the morning’s latest headline - one claiming that Tony Stark was personally responsible for the matchmaking that brought Vision and his lovely, currently scarlet eyed, wife together. It’s a claim not without some merit, if not for Tony’s involvement in Ultron’s creation and then in Vision’s own birth, he never would have been alive to fall so deeply in love with Wanda; however, as with most claims involving Tony it is also inherently hyperbolic. Had the billionaire actually been involved in Vision’s romantic pursuits, there is a very high probability that Wanda would have run the other direction.

“And you know what else it said?”

Vision scoops the pancake batter carefully into the buttered skillet as he responds, “What?”

“That he’s the reason Billy and Tommy want to be Avengers.” The only reason Wanda’s tea does not spill over the edge as she gesticulates out her anger is because she has wrapped it in a sheen of red. “Him!”

Grandiose sense of self worth is a rather glaring fault in the Stark family, a symptom Vision thankfully bypassed, no doubt due to the humble yet confident influence of Dr. Cho. “It is an unfair and misleading statement,” this diffuses her ire enough for her to take a sip of tea, “all that truly matters,” momentarily he turns from the stove to wrap his fingers around her upper arms and stare intently into her eyes, “is that we continue encouraging our sons to be their best selves, even if our work is never publicly acknowledged.”

Finally her face softens, the disdain etched into the lines of her forehead smoothing out with the roll of her eyes, “Fine.” Vision lays a peck to her forehead before turning back to rescue the almost burnt pancakes, “but wouldn’t it be nice if someone praised us for once?”

“It would.”

“Morning mom, dad.”

“Good morning Bil…” Vision’s mouth stops mid-greeting, brain a bit frenzied at the mixed signals he is receiving. The voice that just greeted him registers as Billy and yet the boy in front of him is sporting Tommy’s signature snowy hair and athletic clothing. “Um…”

“Tommy,” Wanda’s acknowledgement of their son should clarify everything, yet he can sense an odd amusement in the way she says the name, “why don’t you sit down, your father’s almost done with breakfast.”

To further add to the confusion of the moment, Tommy merely flashes them a grin (no snarky comment nor demands for it to cook faster) and then slides into Billy’s seat at the table.

Wanda’s hand comes to rest on Vision’s back, her voice low and a bit giddy, “This is going to be entertaining.”

“What is?”

“Just wait…” No further information is provided other than a wink.

Vision attempts to shove his curiosity and need to ask for more clarity down, instead channeling all of his energy into the pancakes and not burning them. Success at this repression endeavor is fleeting, the moment he turns to put the plate on the table, he cannot help but ask a question. “Where is your brother?” A glance up confirms it is three minutes past their usual breakfast time. Billy, like Vision, believes in punctuality and that being five minutes early is on time and being on time is late. For him to be late by normative standards is concerning. “It is unlike him to be late.”

Tommy chokes on his orange juice, eyes a tad wild as he twists around to look at the clock. “Um, I’ll go-“

“Good morning everyone!” Billy waltzes in with a cheery grin, his overall presence gregarious and brash, neither a word typically associated with him. His unusual mood  is highlighted all the more by  the uncharacteristically sloppy way his sweater is buttoned. “I’m famished.” A sentiment rarely shared by Billy.

Vision is torn between staring at his sons and seeking out Wanda’s reaction to whatever is happening in their kitchen. “Tommy,” his brother's name is overly enunciated, and the question, “Why are you in my seat?” asked with annoyance.

“Oh, sorry,” Tommy apologizes quickly, a first for sure, and then slides over to his normal chair.

This is, for want of a better word, weird.

Wanda, somehow, is making everyday small talk with their sons but Vision doesn’t process what is said, too focused on studying his children and the bevy of possibilities for why they seem so off. The initial fear is that they are Skrulls or some other shape shifting creature, a possibility they have sadly lived through before, not with the boys but on a mission with the Avengers. A vitals and physiology scan disconfirms this hypothesis (thankfully), the two bodies across the table are his sons. Despite this Tommy is eating at a snail’s pace, knife and fork working with precise movements to portion out perfect sized bites while Billy is going fast and loose with his fork, each bite different from the last. It also seems like Billy’s hair is a slightly different shade than usual, a tinge of cinnamon in his typically chestnut hair. Perhaps they have wandered into the multiverse yet again, though Wanda is his Wanda, he is certain of that and she seems to be more amused than concerned. Which means there must be a logical explanation.

Vision decides perhaps listening to the conversation at the table will better aid him. “Are you ready for the big math test today?” This is directed at Tommy, a pre-algebra exam Vision has spent several nights helping him study for.

Contrary to the numerous breakdowns that informed Vision that his son was going to fail so why bother trying, this morning Tommy seems...optimistic. “Yeah, dad’s prepared me well,” and overtly gracious.

“And Billy,” Wanda nudges Vision’s foot as she talks, always a sign he needs to get out of his head and pay attention, “today’s the mile run in gym, right?”

“Yep,” Billy answers while shoving a pancake into his mouth, continuing to talk while he chews, “gonna beat my record for sure.” This comment, and the smarmy confidence behind it, sets a new hypothesis into motion.  

Vision runs a second vitals scan, this time focusing on heart rate and brain waves. The results are surprising yet informative, but just to be sure, he recalibrates his sensors, scans again, and re-analyzes it, not wanting to make an erroneous conclusion if his sensors were off. The results match his last scan and the oddities suddenly make sense. Finally figured it out? He turns towards Wanda, her face set with impish victory typically reserved for when she bests him at training. A dip of his chin affirms her telepathic comment though his own mood is nowhere near as bubbly as hers because despite knowing the truth now, it does not actually alleviate any of his concern, in fact it breeds several other pathways of uncertainty. Follow my lead.  

The devious undertone of his wife’s comment transforms into an innocent smile as she addresses their sons. “Well boys,” both of their sons look up, “since it’s such a big day, we should celebrate later.” A shared look occurs between Billy and Tommy, one that Vision can’t quite label appropriately, a mix of excitement, bafflement, and victory.

‘Billy’ prods for more, his fork tapping the plate at roughly 200 clinks per minute. “Like what?”

Wanda is so natural at uncovering their lies that Vision can only sit back in awe at the way she effortlessly teases out the truth, “I need to meet with Strange later today, so Billy you can come along and we can ask if he’s finally willing to start training you to be a sorcerer.”

The current Tommy stares mouth agape at the offer, while the current Billy seems unimpressed, “Oh, um yeah, that’d be cool.”

“And Tommy,” Wanda reaches out to grab Vision’s hand, a gesture that is blissfully common but is right now no doubt meant to really drive home the offer, “Your father was going to do some speed trials this afternoon, maybe he can call the school so you can leave a period early and join him.” Vision was not going to do this but he withholds that knowledge so he doesn’t hinder his wife’s plan.

Tommy and Billy turn towards each other, no verbal words exchanged but Vision can easily recognize one of their telepathic conversations—bodies tense, their faces fluttering through a range of emotions, and eyebrows moving in emphasis of whatever comments they’re making. They break and ‘Tommy’ addresses the offer, “Billy has gym in 8th period.”

“Which is why he and I are going to meet with Stephen after school.” Wanda takes a deliberately long sip of her tea to let the information really settle in.

Their tactics switch to the other offer.“Isn’t uh truancy a pretty big deal, you know, if I,” ‘Billy’ catches himself, “Tommy were to leave early.

Vision decides he should aid in some way, voice matter of fact as he responds, “I do believe Tommy has a free period at that time. Plus,” thankfully this next part is not a lie or else Vision would feel guilty saying it, “I have to attend the PTA meeting tonight so we cannot wait until school is out if we would like to get a full session of training in.”

Another deep, very animated mental conversation occurs across the table, one that leads to an exaggerated roll of his wife’s eyes. “What if…”

Wanda cuts off the next suggestion, clearly done with the game, “Just accept that you’ve been caught.”

The two faces across from them are polar opposite, one shining with defiance and the other defeat. With a sigh, Tommy’s white hair darkens into chestnut, the real Billy slouching deep into his chair. His brother is not amused, “Are you really breaking that easily?”

Vision checks the time, noting their bus will arrive in less than 10 minutes. “Boys,” there are several things he wants to say, from questioning Tommy’s brown hair to why they thought they’d get away with it, but he decides those can wait, “perhaps instead of our planned celebrations tonight, we have a discussion on the harms of deception.”

Tommy, the real one, executes a perfect Maximoff eye roll, never one to appreciate the life lesson evenings that correspond with poor behavior. “It was just a joke.”

“I do not find it humorous.” And Vision does not, a deep despair blossoming in his chest at what his sons have attempted and what it means for how their sons view them, whether they think they are not loved enough nor noticed enough to be recognized by their own parents. “You intended to utilize this...joke for personal gain.”

Wanda cuts in, hand coming to rest on Vision’s thigh with a light, reassuring squeeze. “Why don’t you both change. The bus will be here soon. We’ll talk more tonight.” Muttered yes, mom s are lost in the scraping of their chairs against the wooden floor. “Tommy.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you dye your hair?”

“Yep,” Tommy runs his hand through his darkened locks, “the box called it chili chocolate.”

Wanda smirks, finding this far more endearing than Vision. “Just promise to use it responsibly.”

A not fully convincing salute goes along with Tommy’s, “Roger that,” and then he runs off in a blur.

“Wanda,” Vision waits until she looks at him, a bit unnerved that she does not seem to show any of the same concern for what just happened. “Are you not troubled at their flagrant disregard for honesty?”

Her eyebrows arch up, lips pursed the way they are whenever he has misassessed human nature and she needs to find a way to gently talk him through it. “It’s kind of a twin rite of passage.”

This is not forthcoming nor satisfying. “Did you and Pietro do this as well?”

“Once or twice.” His confusion must be evident, her lips curving up into a reminiscent mischief. “We weren’t good at it, especially once we were older. But you have to try.”

“Do you?”

A nod confirms the apparent necessity of such an experiment, though no further explanation is provided for Vision to comprehend why it is required. “You’ve never seen the Parent Trap, have you?”

“I have not.”

Scarlet energy entangles itself around the dishes at the table, floating them into the sink and away from their responsibility for now. “Come on,” Wanda stands and tugs on Vision’s hand, drawing him up out of his seat and then leading him into the living room. As she lightly pushes him to sit in the couch, a rush of feet, a banging door and a quick bye! marks the start of the school day, leaving them alone until this afternoon. “Want to watch a movie?”

“I suppose,” he wraps his arm around her shoulders after she sits next to him, pulling her closer and relishing the comfort of her head on his chest, “if it provides adequate research to understanding this cultural necessity of deceit, then yes.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Vision considers the comment a touch longer than needed, just enough for her to look up at him in anticipation, “if it means a day spent with you,” he kisses her deeply, mirroring the soft curve of her lips as he pulls away,”then it is still a yes.”

“Good.” The tv turns on and his education begins.

[ratingtheframe]

Everything That Happened at the 2021 Golden Globes

The first two months of the year are finally over and as the days grow longer, we can start to see the early signs of spring. With spring comes summer and with summer comes an influx of movie releases, with the majority of films that were put on hold last year scheduled to be released in the following months in cinemas across the world. You know, cinemas, as in those big rooms where you pay to sit and watch movies from start to finish without pausing it? Gosh have I missed the pre movie adverts, comfy chairs and super wide screens. It's not the same at home and despite Netflix, HBO and Amazon Prime thriving, we shouldn’t set anything in stone when it comes to the quality and accessibility of film. 

Cinema is tradition whereas On Demand is convenience and usually choosing convenience over tradition does impact the quality of work being distributed. There are a bunch of films on streaming platforms that would be too inappropriate for cinemas, seeing as they lack a cinematic or dramatic feel to them to be good enough for a big screen. This allows mediocre to downright awful films to find an audience via streaming platforms. All well and good, seeing as these platforms are great exposure for upcoming filmmakers but at the same time it's a capitalistic system that puts views above the quality of content. It doesn’t matter if what you’re watching on Netflix is bad, they just want you to keep coming back for more. This can be said for mainstream cinema too, but to a lesser degree seeing as cinemas typically release around 68 movies per month, whereas Netflix has the ability to add up to 200 releases on their platform per month. It makes perfect sense that Netflix has the viewers that it does, as we can see that it releases almost twice the content of cinemas per month. For the avid cinephiles, this leaves us wanting a lot more as we’re only able to enjoy maybe one or two films a month from online streaming services, because the quality is so inconsistent. I hope that cinemas open soon so that I can relax knowing that the film I’ve paid money for will be of a good quality. 

Speaking of good quality films, Chloé Zhao, director of Nomadland (2021) became the second woman in the 78 year history of the Golden Globes to win an award for directing. This is an exceptional triumph and from the moment I saw Nomadland, I knew that it would have an incredible impact on awards circuits this year. Nomadland also won Best Picture, which proves something that up and coming filmmakers may need to start getting their heads around. People may not necessarily be gravitating towards cinema for a chance of escapism any more. I thoroughly believe those days are behind us, buried in the 70s and 80s with films that defied the laws of filmmaking and went to extreme lengths to serve us an entire universe that we couldn’t even comprehend. However, as the world grows more fragile and people start to realise the fragility of life, we want to connect with one another authentically and realistically. 

The way that film can do this is by showing our real selves on screen, showing our pain, redemption, emotions, fear, honesty, laughter, race, gender, humanity, darkest secrets and biggest dreams using the backdrop of cinema to sell us a story. People want films that are honest and are a reflection of humanity as well as the current society we’re living in. Not necessarily “a slice of life”, but a slice of humanity that we never see because it’s never impacted us directly, yet we still want to be made to feel like it has through film. That’s the key to success in any film, making the viewer feel like they’ve experienced something on screen even when they haven’t. If the film is too far away from our own psyche or humanity, we switch off, as we can no longer relate or even want to relate to something so obtuse and boring. Nomadland was the complete opposite to this theory, bringing us humanity in all its glory; its sadness and pure emotion that affects millions everyday, especially in such a time when loneliness is rife.

This is why Mank (2020) lost out. In a time where the world is in a sensitive disposition, Mank came as ineffective to the world of film. Though triumphant in it’s making, the film proves the fundamental foundation of film that Mank failed to do; have a good story. Mank just wasn’t the story people wanted or needed to see and one can appreciate a filmmaker’s efforts to make films but at the end of the day, the story is truly the only thing that’ll carry a film and if it's uninteresting and impersonal, people switch off. And they clearly did, seeing as Mank lost out to all SIX of its nominations. Less is more, I suppose, seeing as Nomadland won two out of four awards, including the top prize of Best Picture. David Fincher even took a shot every time he lost a category. Better luck next time.Other snubs included Emerald Fennell’s Promising Young Woman (2021) starring Carey Mulligan ,which was released on VOD last month. The film was nominated for four prizes and I suppose the lack of release in cinemas worldwide or at a Film Festival meant the lack of hype for the film. Regina King’s One Night In Miami...failed to pick up a prize, having been nominated for three awards. King shouldn’t be too disheartened, seeing as her debut definitely got her the recognition she deserved.

Aaron Sorkin most notably won Best Screenplay for his amazing picture, The Trial of the Chicago 7. I had the fortune of catching this in cinemas and the musicality of this screenplay was unreal. An incredibly authentic, riveting and honest piece of work, I believe we can safely say that Aaron Sorkin is the greatest writer for cinema and TV in our day and age. Sorkin is used to being showered with accolades, from Primetime Emmys with The West Wing, to an Oscar with David Fincher’s The Social Network.

The late Chadwick Boseman was honoured in full glory, having won the award for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture for his role as Levee in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. An exceptional performance that reeks with Oscar success, Boseman is the first actor to be awarded the prize posthumously.

What’s also to be noted is the amount of British nominees and winners at this year’s ceremony. It seems like the American Film & TV market is wide open for Brits, seeing as Emma Corrin, Josh O'Connor, Daniel Kaluuya, Sacha Baron Cohen, Rosamund Pike, John Boyega and Anya Taylor Joy all won awards for acting. Helen Bonham Carter, Olivia Coleman, Vanessa Kirby, Riz Ahmed, Gary Oldman, Antony Hopkins, Dev Patel, James Corden, Hugh Grant, Jodie Comer, Lilly Collins and Nicolas Hoult all received nominations and were all born in the UK. The Crown in particular just seems to be getting more successful with each year and despite its controversy, the show has won Netflix 7 Golden Globes and 10 Emmys. What does this tell us about our actors and their ability in comparison to our friends overseas? Is it just a stroke of luck that the majority of actors who won this year are British or are we doing something different? Only time will tell as more British actors begin to be recognised for their flare over in the US.

If anything, we’ve learnt that The Golden Globes is for everyone. Anyone can win an award despite their background as long as those who control the awards ceremony are willing to give a variety of films a chance, not just ones directed by David Fincher. Nomadland is certainly an underdog for cinema, one that may not have done as well had other films been released last year. COVID-19 created space for this film to be seen and has truly been taken in as a work of art, proving that films of the same kind deserve to be seen in the up and coming future. British actors can and have made it big in Hollywood and it seems like American audiences welcome them with open arms. Sacha Baron’s Cohen’s humour in Borat Subsequent MovieFilm wasn’t unrequited, seeing as it won Best Musical / Comedy at this year’s award season, meaning every moment of that film (incriminating or not) WAS WORTH IT. Even though Regina King and Emerald Fennell lost out on their respective films, their work has been courageous and profound in helping to give space to women in the film industry. The fact that they were even nominated along with Chloé Zhao, was an achievement in itself and has women like me looking up to the success of these three women and realising that I could have the same shot. Mank came at the wrong time, and though good visually, it lacked a beating heart that the Golden Globes could identify with enough to give it at least one award. Soul was named Best Animation Feature Film of the year, also winning an award for music with a beautiful score by Atticus Ross, Trent Reznor and Jon Batiste. The Queen’s Gambit also reigned supreme, as Anya Taylor Joy won Best Actress for a performance in a mini series / tv film and the overall series won Best Television Mini Series / Television Film.

This has to be the best Golden Globes I’ve ever witnessed. Not only did it champion diversity in the film categories, British Actors and female directors, it actually gave consumers as well as judges, something that actually wanted, which was to see underdogs thrive in an environment that’s usually laid bare for the same characters. Let’s keep this up for the next ceremony !

ig @ratingtheframe

[kryshka0908]

The ONLY introduction to MBTI that you ever have to read!

I’m Kryshka0908 aka MBTI edgelord. I am NOT a certified MBTI practicactioner, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know my stuff. There are a lot of theories out there and yeah they are great and beautiful and all, but you DO NOT need to waste your time studying studying all of them and being confused ‘cause I’m gonna teach you everything you need to know about MBTI! Yes, it’s literally EVERYTHING you need to understand so LISTEN to every single thing I say and I guarantee you WILL be smarter than the majority of people in MBTI community that are spewing bullshit that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever! So grab your drink or whatever that keeps you focused and let’s get into it!!

“What is MBTI in simple words?”

Many morons assume that MBTI types are their identities.

“Oh yay! I’m an ENFP, so I’m a quirky weirdo unicorn girl that’s always dreamy! I’m basically the same person as Anna from Frozen!”

“Yeah ;) I’m an ESTP now. I’m so manly and cool. I love sports man! And I wanna smash hot chicks every single day of my frickin g life”

“I’m a calculative, evil genius INTJ! I hate everyone and everything in the world.. I love world domination, and I have not heart”

These stereotypes make me SICK!! They literally wanna make me throw the shit up okay??? People need to understand that the only thing that your MBTI types can tell you is your natural cognive processes. It does NOT who you are, not how good/unique of a person you are, what you like and dislike, your traits or statuses.

You can be an ENFP, and absolutely hate unicorns and people.

You can be an ESTP, and doesn’t have any interests in sports and sex.

You can be an INTJ, and be a humanitarian. And feel love towards someone deeply.

You know what? I’m an INTJ myself and I love Disney movies, and working out!!!

Some of you may think...

“But, but.. then MBTI edgelord must be INFP because he likes Disney. Oh wait but also he likes working out, he’s ESFP. But he’s also super annoying.. ESTJ?”

SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP!!! MY MBTI type can’t tell me who I am as a person!

“What do Congnitive Processes mean in MBTI?”

The kind of “cognive processes” that MBTI is describing is our attentional manners, which is our ways of paying attention.

We, humans, all pay attention.

When we listen to someone talking, we pay attention to what they are saying.

When we read newspapers, we pay attention to the articles in the newspapers.

MBTI categorizes our various ways of paying attention into into 8 basic modes. They are

Introverted Intuition(Ni),

Extraverted Intuition(Ne),

Introverted Sensing(Si),

Extraverted Sensing(Se),

Introverted Feeling(Fi),

Extraverted Feeling(Fe),

Introverted Thinking(Ti),

and

Extraverted Thinking(Te).

* Definitions of each functions are right below here. For some of them, I directly copied from my Reddit posts.

The difference between Ne and Ni

Ne seeks to look at things from different perspectives and generates/discusses possibilities that are previously unthought of for the sake of novelty. Ne is an abstract function that focuses on metaphysical actions, rather than physical ones, meaning Ne users prefer to “think” about the possible things that they could do in their head or by talking over actually doing stuff in reality. For example, an Ne user may enjoy exploring the possibilities of them being a doctor, a chef and a CEO, but they are less inclined to decide which one is a most likely possiblity and start working on it.

Ni is the opposite of Ne in a way that it likes to make a conclusion on what is the best path. Ni seeks to see linear patterns and connections that lead to one thing in the future. It prefers knowing singular truths over ideation basically. Ni users typically want their life to be aligned with a singular purpose. To simplify, they are more inclined to say “I WILL become a doctor!” than Ne users.

The difference between Se and Si

Se is focused on external sensory information, such as “that car looks cool.”, “This scenery is beautiful” a and so on. As opposed to Si, which is focused on one’s subjective sensory experience, which includes how comfortable your surroundings make you feel internally, and their past experiences. Si things to say would be “This blanket makes me feel warm”, and “This must be true because it already happened to me before”. Because Se is more directly engaged in the outside physical world, people with high Se are very good at making actions in reality. Despite the stereotype that Se doms are party animals, a lot of them can be quite successful because they excel in seizing opportunities in the present moment.

Fi vs.Fe + Ti vs. Te

Fi is about your internal feelings and values. People with high Fi tend to have a sense of what/who they like and dislike. They tend to form judgments about things based on their own ethical values. Fi users seek to be their “authentic selves” in social environments.

•“I love you”,

•“Killing animals feels wrong/immoral”

•“You’re not my friend if you don’t understand the real me”

These statements are all Fi related

Fe, in contrast, is focused on reading and affecting external emotional atmosphere. Fe users observe social cues, such as face expressions and tones of voice, to notice emotional states of others. And they affect the emotional states by words or actions, if they deem it to be necessary. Fe is not about internal/introverted values, but it is about external emotions basically.

• “Are you feeling okay? You seem quite tonight.”

•“You look amazing! Where’d you get that dress!?”

•“That sucks” as opposed to “I don’t like it”(Fi)

Ti is very similar to Fi in a way that it also makes decisions based on your internal judgement. Instead of your feelings, or values though, Ti seeks to make decisions based on what makes sense and what doesn’t make sense to you internally. Ti is about internal understanding of logic. Ti users form logical models that can help them understand why things are the way they are basically. MBTI is also pretty Ti-ish since it models human personality in a way that is logically sound.

Ti statements include

•”You’re contradicting yourself in your own argument. What you say makes no sense”

•”If all humans are mortal, and this individual is immortal, it is impossible that the individual is a human”

•”I don’t want to use math formulas, unless I fully understand why the formulas work”

Te is like Fe because it also sees external data and affect things in the external world. However, unlike Fe, Te pays attention to shared logical facts, instead of shared emotions. Te users like to look at objective statistics and data, and use them to maximize efficiency in order to get from point A to B. Te is not concerned with internal understanding of logic, but it only sees facts as they are, their focus is on how useful or beneficial something is.

Te statements are..

•”If I leave home at 10am, and take the bus that comes at 10:10am, I should be able to get to school by 11:00pm.”

•”I first need to enter my email address, and then my password to log in. Once I log into my account, all I need to do is to put the items I want to buy in my cart and purchase them!”

•”According to this study conducted by Scientist A, it is best to have, at least, 8 hours of sleep for adults to be most active during the day. So I’m going to start doing that!”

To summarize, Fi is about “internal feelings/values”, Fe is about “external emotions and application of them”, Ti is about “internal logical understanding”, and Te is about “external factual accuracy and application”

So now that you know how each function pays attention, let’s look at how the functions manifest in a type!

I use ISFJ as an example. ISFJ’s “function stack”, which describes the order of a type’s preference of cognitive functions, goes..

Si(1st/Dominant)-Fe(2nd/Auxillary)-Ti(3rd/Tertiary)-Ne(4th/Inferior)-Se(5th/Ignoring)-Fi (6th/Demonstrative)-Te(7th/PoLR)-Ni(8th/Balanced)

Look at this table I made that explains definitions of each slot..

This is the description of ISFJ I wrote..

These are the function stacks of other personality types...

Congratulations! Now you should be able to understand how each type uses the 8 cognitive functions. You basically know about how MBTI works more than most people.

[nerdygaymormon]

Sometimes I really hate being Bi. I know know the Church is true and I'll never leave it, but man is it a struggle. I started to think I was Bi on my Mission, and wow, that was scary. Ever since I got home, little over a year ago, I feel like I'm attracted to women more and more and I hate it. (I know I'm Bi and not Lesbian.) I see a cute gal, and I want cuddles and dates, and so many other things, but I can't act on it. (Especially since I'm at BYUI.) Do you have any tips on not hating yourself

Everyone has some things about themselves they don’t like or about which they’re hyper-critical. Often these are about not living up to our ideals, actions we wish we had or hadn’t done, not living up to some societal ideal, about a failure in our life. This is normal and part of being human. 

Queer people in particular must deal with self-hatred that goes beyond just a normal part of being human. We grow up hearing negative messages about people like us and we internalize those messages. And often we have an inner voice that is authoritative and may sound like our parents or religious leaders and thus when it speaks to us, that voice gives those messages extra heft. These things cause us to see ourselves as lesser and to feel shame over our feelings and how we experience life. 

An important part of unraveling this self-loathing is to recognize the negative messages, refute them, and replace them. 

For example, your world won’t end just because you’re bi. Some people may view you differently if they find out, but a lot of people will continue to respect and love you. Perhaps you’ll lose some people, but you will not lose everything and everybody you care about.

That’s recognizing and refuting the negative messages, now let’s replace them. Being bi is a wonderful part of what makes me the person I am and I’m lucky because it brings many important gifts into my life. I can find beauty and love that others miss. 

When you’re at church or school and hear a negative message about queer people, push back against it. You can raise your hand and speak up. If you’re not feeling brave in that moment, it’s okay, and explain to yourself why that comment was wrong and replace it with a positive comment. 

Another thing you may have heard is that being gay or bi is a choice or the result of a lack of faith or some other reason. Fact is that it’s biological and a natural part of this world. This is literally how we’re made. 

Associate with other LGBTQIA people. 

I always feel so much better after I’ve been with other queer people. Being with them helps fight the things I was taught about the queer community, I can see & experience that they are normal people. They are fun, loving, caring, and supportive, exactly the opposite of what I’d been told. You can attend USGA-Rexburg and there’s a new resource center going up in town. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spends quite a bit of time teaching and celebrating early pioneers. It’s quite a legacy and something to be proud of. The same is true of the queer community, we have amazing pioneers. We are a brave people. You have claim to two incredible legacies. Read about some of our queer Mormon heroes of the last decade.

Shame withers in sunshine

If you’re not yet out to friends and family, that’s okay, you have a blog and can write about your experiences and thoughts online. You can also find & connect with other queer Mormons. 

One thing I’ve experienced, which has surprised me is that as I write and post about things of which I was embarrassed, the shame associated with them goes away. By sharing with others, it is no longer a secret that needs to be hidden, but something I’m taking ownership of. 

If you’re awesome on paper, then you’re awesome in person

I used to know that I could write things on paper about myself that would sound great, but I didn’t have positive feelings about them. That person on the paper looked good, but somehow I didn’t have those same feelings about myself. I was the first person in my family to get a college degree, I now have an MBA, I served a mission, I am the favorite uncle in my family, I play the piano, I am kind and trusted and so on. 

Learn to draw boundaries

Often when we don’t feel great about ourselves, we make up for that by seeking the approval of others, more so than is usual or healthy. We end up agreeing to do things we may not want to do just so that we seem agreeable and worthy of their approval, even from people we don’t care about that much. There is power in being able to say “no.” Schedule time to get your school work done, to participate in activities you enjoy, in having time for friends, for contributing to the community. You can agree to spend time helping others with things they want, but protect your boundaries and don’t overstretch yourself. 

Boundaries also are important when it comes to people and messages you associate with. Try to find allies and queer people that you can associate with. Even if you’re not “out,” you can present yourself as an ally and be with people who express positivity about queerness. 

You don’t have to accept everything you hear at church, what church leaders have said, or even all the “doctrine.” Church leaders have been tragically wrong in the past, they are not perfect conveyers of the love of our Heavenly Parents. You don’t have to believe the terrible things taught about LGBTQ people. I know this is easier said than done. It helps if you’ve experienced God’s love for you, or if you’ve thought about how illogical it would be for loving Heavenly Parents to send queer children to earth with no way for them to express who they are or to have happiness. We are supposed to experience joy in this life. 

Take care of your health

When I met with a psychologist because I was suicidal and also wanted help with my internalized homophobia and low-self esteem, the first things we discussed were if I was getting enough sleep, was I eating a healthy diet, was I getting exercise. Our physical well-being contributes to our mental well-being. Sometimes a good cry is what I need to express the feelings I’m having, followed by a nap, then I feel much better. 

Allow for growth and forgiveness

We all learn and change and grow. As others grow in understanding and do better, allow them the grace of forgiveness by recognizing things said by their past selves were said in ignorance and recognize the growth they’ve undergone. This also applies to you and your past self. 

A common exercise that helps is to think of what you would say to someone else in a similar position. So often we speak of love and acceptance and not being hard on themselves, and it’s pretty great advice which we could apply to ourselves. Another exercise is to have a picture of our younger self, or even of just some young person around ages 5~12, and know that they are going to grow up queer, what advice would you give them? You deserve the same compassion, kindness and love that you show to others. 

Growth and change also happens to our faith. Here’s a post where I shared about faith transitions and I found it very helpful in understanding how I experience my faith is different from my family, it’s because we’re in different stages. 

Take pride in trying, not in failure or success

Coming out is freaking hard and takes a lot of courage. Like a lot of things in life, many people attempt to do this and then fail, they back down, the moment feels wrong, they get panicked, or whatever reason. Failure isn’t the worst thing, not trying is. And the more we try, the more successes we’ll eventually have. And once you have some wins under your belt, it gets easier to do those things that were once hard. 

When being bi brings happiness, it’s easier to love this about yourself

For so many people, being queer is only associated with negative things in their life, but when you can start associating it with positive things it becomes easier to accept and love this part of yourself. When you have queer friends, when you have experienced the excitement of a crush on a boy and on a girl, when you go on dates, or someone sends a message that your posts about your feelings really helped them, those positive experiences will be associated with being bi. 

Add voices and writings that affirm you and your experiences

So often scriptures are used as a weapon against queer people. A lot of people think they know what the Bible says about queer people based on a few verses pulled out of context, but they’ve not put in any real study to the original language, situation or what those verses read like when put back in context. Nor are they aware that there’s also positive scriptures about queer people. I put together a collection of things I learned that I hope will help others. 

This year I’ve really been enjoying the Beyond the Block podcast, which has a Black man and a gay man discuss each week’s Come, Follow Me lesson. I also have liked the Faithful Feminists podcast. Both of those podcast highlight principles and concepts from the scriptures which are important for marginalized people. 

Find blogs, podcasts, books, videos, lectures, classes, twitter accounts and whatever else that helps affirm you and helps you understand yourself.

[01kitty-moon]

My thoughts on the Og Sailor Moon/Sailor Moon Crystal/Eternal Part 2

I want to start with saying this-

I do enjoy both anime. I really do.

My thoughts about Sailor Moon OG anime.

First things first I LOVE 90's anime art style, so of course I love the style of OG sailor moon, it looks really good, the backgrounds are beautiful.

Artsyle is lovely. PERIOD.

The OST for the OG anime is awesome, it can be beautiful or just plain cool.

I love the first transformation OST SO MUCH.

(I don't like the others in the OG anime transformation ost though tbh.)

The other thing I love about the original is the fashion, the sheer amount of outfits is awesome and I always enjoy a show that is able to have different outfits.

Now I really like the first few episodes when it's just Usagi and Jadeite, in fact I like the first arc a little bit more in the OG simply because idk, we get to see more of the four "eite's" though I don't enjoy some of their Arc's tbh or how their characters were handled in the end.

I found their arcs would start strong and then just kinda end leaving you like??? Okaaaay.

If I'm being honest I dont enjoy the pacing or the writing for alot of the OG anime if I'm being truthful.

Like the end of season 1 in my opinion wasnt written well, in fact it felt very meh and blotchy.

Did I like the full party kill? Yeah.

But it wasnt well written.

I REALLY don't like OG Tuxedo Mask. Like during the first half of S1 I thought his snark was funny, and I enjoyed their interactions at first.

But by the second half I came to REALLY dislike him.

No wonder everyone wanted Usagi to be with 90's Seiya, OG Mamoru was an ass.

(I refer to him as Tuxedo Ass and no I dont take constructive criticism)

Also dont get me started on the moonlight knight filler crap. (That filler arc had potential to be REALLY amazing and impactful and they totally wasted it)

Also his relationship with rei is kinda.....weird. I didnt like it. (And not for shipping reasons, but because it genuinely irked me)

Now I do love that we got more episodes exploring the girls personalities and friendships, but I often times didnt enjoy how they were written as "friends?" Alot of it felt fake despite the "development" they got.

Dont get me wrong I like the OG anime in general and some episodes I think are AMAZING.

But I'd go into an arc and be really hyped for what I thought was coming, only for the outcome to be really lame or immature. The writing just felt bland and childish, but since OG is targetted more for a younger audience I do get it.

I got disappointed alot tbh ahaha.

Also if chibi moon from OG appeared I'd simply kill her, rip to OG usagi but I'm different.

(Also they made the kid feel way more incestuous than in crystal? Like this girl is 900, she isnt really a little kid though she is a young girl. Like she knows that's her dad, stop trying to fuck your dad pls)

Plus she is super annoying, always, never likable, never. (Some scenes were definetly comedic gold but as a character I wanted to set her on fire)

Prince demand isnt that great of a character and should have been set on fire right away, end of story.

This is a lazy way of writing my feelings but yeah it's what it is.

However overall it's okay. I like it.

(This is only my opinion of course pls dont attack me)

Sailor Moon Crystal

I made alot of my points when talking about the OG anime so the crystal one is short tbh.

Now I'll be honest. I truthfully enjoyed crystal most as a whole than I did the OG anime.

When it comes to the animation of season 1 and 2 I understand why people weren't fond of it.

It was wonky in many parts and the CG transformations were really ugly.

However I loved the artsyles in the still scenes.

And some backgrounds were really lovely.

Now the animation could be off, but it isnt the worst thing ever like people make it out to be.

Mamoru was great again (look I love the boy and his manga self)

While i didnt like the lack of development in the 4 "eites" the arc was okay. I kinda liked some of their arc here more than in OG, but I wish we got more of them and their story ( or at least Bi Zoisiete, I know that's OG original but it would have been cool)

Though it did feel lackluster at times, and season 1 could be off with pacing, when it comes to the other seasons however I found the pacing to be really good.

I loved the scene where she "killed" him and then herself, though I wish it had been animated better, it was great.

I also like how they touched more on her fear of being alone, and showed hints of that trauma as well as their identities meshing with their past selves.

The music is 👌 though I miss some of the OG music.

I can't tell you the real reason I love it more than the OG. I guess I just enjoyed the tone overall?

I like the more story focused version if sailor moon I guess, I felt like the fucked around too much in the OG, while Crystak they dont fuck around enough lol.

But I'd rather watch the plot centric one rather than the overly leisure OG fillers.

I liked some of the characterizations better in crystal as well, I found rei more likable (look can we admit she was a bit TOO much of a bitch in the OG? And often wasnt justified but she got away with it?)

Haruka and Michiru weren't....super likeable in the OG sometimes for me and while that can be a good thing in writing, (and ik alot of people prefer them in the OG) I immediately fell in love with them in crystal.

Also this is probably just me but I like that everyone was less boy crazy, giving way to just, easier to bond with characters.

(Being Bi/Pan-Ace and watching girl only EVER be boy crazy is really annoying tbh I just, like for them to at least have 1 character who's just kinda eh about the whole dating thing, and tbh alot of the characters came off as more bi in crystal which was lovely)

I hear alot of people complain about how they dont feel the friendship between the group the way they did in the OG but I kinda felt the opposite, and their sudden leap into being SUPER into Usagi really stems from their identities from their past lives mixing with the present.

Also just saying, if someone like usagi came into my life? I'd immediately die for her too, just saying, she's so so kind and fun, and precious like? Duh of course she's going to make those introverts fall all over her.

Also CHIBI MOON I LOVE HER! (I do not like this kid in OG, like ever, set that creature on fire pls)

But crystal chibi moon? I adore that girl.

Season 3 was great, I LOVED IT so much.

I got my lesbian's in FULL glory.

I got Sailor Bi Moon.

I got hotaru and well, better writing in that arc compared to the butchered OG version

(If u prefer the OG version that's fine this is just how I feel)

And I'm really excited for eternal, its SO beautiful, the music makes me so emotional, the animation and art is beautiful, tbh it feels more like Sailor Moon than any of the other parts. It just instantly takes me to the manga.

(My brother and I both prefer crystal tbh)

Anyways we talk have our own opinions, and this is mine (made at 3am guys I'm tired)

The manga is BEAUTIFUL and so is Crystal, but OG has it's good points too, I like them all.

From a story and writing standpoint I think Crystal is superior to Og anime.

But if you want something more lighthearted and more slice of life the OG is probably for you!

Or you can be like me and love both.

(I also prefer crystal Usagi to OG Usagi more often than not, though OG usagi is definetly relatable like 100%, but I liked that maturity in Crystal Usagi that got stronger when her memories of her past life came to her, you can tell they all kinda go through an identity crisis and have to grow up "again" which is interesting to me)

Both stories however bring up great messages and promote femininity so much I love it ahhhh sailor moon is a treasure.

Crystal made me fall in love with the story, while OG made me lowkey ship Jadeite and Usagi in the first few episodes.

(Pls dont ask, ok, just don't, that one seen was a bit too hot for me to not immediately think they should kiss)

[spookyceph]

Peace Offering, a Shigadabi Fanfic

The first in a series of Shigadabi fics. Because why not?

WARNINGS for mention of destructive/depressive thoughts, language, and unabashed self-indulgence.

Rating: Teen and Up

Words: 3,378

Also, find it on my Ao3 account @ CarlyChameleon.

For someone who hated to drink, Tomura spent a lot of time sitting at the hideout’s bar. He couldn’t have done it if the place were still in business—some unlucky server would’ve had several drunk assholes to mop up off the floor before the night ended. But with it sealed off from the outside world the atmosphere suited him fine. It was quiet. Clean. Both adjectives that applied to his room upstairs, but locking himself in there too long gave him the urge to start climbing the walls. Even he needed to get out of his own head once in a while, whether that involved speaking with Sensei or just watching Kurogiri dust the glasses.

The open space of the bar never threatened to close in and suffocate him. All the different sizes and shapes of the bottles occupying the shelves, glinting in the low lighting, gave him something to look at while he thought besides a glowing screen or blank ceiling as he laid in bed. Or, like now, he could simply trace the swirling grain of the bar top with one finger and think nothing. Or what passed for nothing in his case—his mind churned and surged as relentlessly as the sea grinding away the edges of the land. He’d only learned how to roll back the tide enough to allow for some sleep or brief breaks that kept him from throwing himself off the roof and quieting his brain for good.

The Internet had fished up terms like rumination and obsessive compulsive and thought loops when he’d done a search once. Psychobabble for being his own worst enemy, in other words. Tracing patterns in fabric or wood or pictures or whatever did help sometimes like a few of the articles had suggested, though. Listing colors or items in his surroundings too when he became overwhelmed and started to flounder. (Breathing exercises, however, could fuck right off—all those did was cause him to hyperventilate as he counted each inhale and exhale faster and faster.) The tricks allowed him to hit reset and go back to a previous save point, in a way. The level didn’t get any easier when he returned to it, but the momentary respite allowed him to regroup and adjust his tactics.

He’d been doing an awful fucking lot of both ever since Giran’s first two finds had moved in. Tomura’s nail scraped against polished wood, digging in while his mind replayed the conversation with Kurogiri the evening before, clear as a cutscene.

We cannot further our ends without skilled support, Shigaraki Tomura.

I know, damn it. He couldn’t have even said what his party was fighting on-screen. He’d just kept selecting Attack each round. That doesn’t mean we have to take in every stray Giran drags in from the gutter.

True…yet please recall why we hired the man in the first place: to scout for promising candidates. He wouldn’t present us with anyone he considered beneath our notice. Each point had been spoken with the polite but unwavering logic that had won him the job as Tomura’s handler to begin with. Drifting over to the computer desk, Kurogiri had warped two manila folders onto it. At least skim their profiles before declaring your ultimate decision.

So, Tomura had. And he’d seen beyond a doubt that the fucking walking Rorschach test had been right, as usual. The description of the brat’s quirk had been particularly surprising. Tomura’s mind had roiled with all the possible uses for her. The smartass’s, on the other hand, didn’t boast as much versatility, but it did promise the kind of ranged and wide-area attacks needed to control a battle.

Giran had brought him an illusionist assassin and a black mage. With them, he’d have a better chance at clearing higher level quests. He hated the facts, but that didn’t change them, as he’d been taught in no uncertain terms during the little excursion to UA’s training facility.

Thus, Toga Himiko and Dabi, whoever he really was, had been granted permission to move what worldly goods they possessed into rooms of their choosing upstairs. Tomura hadn’t bothered to learn which. He figured he’d reduce the chances of murdering them in their sleep if he didn’t know.

His hand left the bar and relocated to his throat. The fingers didn’t scratch, but they flexed in the familiar pattern. Letting those two move in might have been a mistake—yet another in a growing string of them. He shouldn’t have given in to Kurogiri so easily because of rattled confidence. He should have insisted all recruits stay somewhere else until they proved their worth and loyalty. To hell with Giran’s professional instincts. What if they were spies for some hero agency? The Toga brat especially, with a quirk like hers. Barring that, they still hadn’t made it past basic introductions without trying to kill each other. How could they be expected to follow orders or not botch a mission because of their own petty goals? And anyway, both of them were just fucking weird.

A sound barged into Tomura’s thoughts from the outer world. Only the small, metallic click of a door handle turning, but it made his head snap in the direction of the hallway. Kurogiri never used the door. He didn’t need to.

Sure enough, there slouched a tall, ragged figure. The zombie. The one name wonder. Dabi.

The skin of Tomura’s throat stung as his nails finally found purchase. Of course the last person on Earth he wanted to see would show up at that very moment. Of course. Because the universe fucking hated him and the feeling was very much mutual.

For a minute, Dabi just filled up the space in the doorway, watching and being watched. When Tomura didn’t move to attack, he finally stepped into the room. His ugly boots clomped on the floorboards as he approached. Still wary, still keeping an eye on where Tomura’s hands rested, he paused at the far corner of the bar. Kurogiri must have had a chat with both newcomers, oh yes. Now they had to be aware of just how close they’d come to never annoying the shit out of anyone ever again.

“So.” Dabi nodded toward the shelves. “We gotta pay for booze or is it included in our membership?”

Even while asking a simple question he couldn’t sound anything less than full of contempt. Putting on an air of boredom despite the knot of tension between his shoulder blades, Tomura shrugged. “Knock yourself out. None of this shit comes out of my pocket.”

No further invitation was required. Dabi strode behind the bar and started examining labels, back turned. Tomura’s fingers twitched. Patchwork asshole. Like he’d fall for a trap that obvious.

Dabi settled on a dark blue bottle with a foreign label. Turning around, he grabbed a glass from beneath the bar, twisted the cap open, and poured without restraint. Fumes wafted over, crinkling Tomura’s nose. Great. Wonder-fucking-ful. The reek of alcohol made his stomach tie itself in knots just as much as it had after his first and final hangover.

He’d thought that drinking the toxic shit might help shut his brain up. And, after choking down an acidic gulp—he’d chosen something a deep gold because he’d just liked the color—it had, sort of. His thoughts had softened, stretching out and slowing with a new elasticity. So, even though his chest and nostrils had still been full of napalm he’d knocked back another swallow. The volume of his mental chatter had faded with the third. By the fifth it became benign background noise. The alcohol’s chemical burn had faded away on the seventh. Memories slid into blank blackness sometime after the tenth.

Kurogiri must have warped him to bed that night because when Tomura woke, sweaty, shaking, sicker than a lab rat, the man already had a bucket at the ready. He spoke not a word while letting Tomura puke his guts up. Or when he brought miso broth, umeboshi, and tea after the dry heaves stopped. He didn’t have to. Tomura hadn’t drunk a drop since.

“You look like you swallowed a bug.”

Tomura’s gaze leapt up from the bar to find Dabi staring at him over the rim of the now empty glass. A little riff of unease jangled his nerves. He’d never seen eyes such a deep blue. They caught and glinted in the low lighting the same way the selected bottle did. The patches of ruined skin sagging beneath just made them more striking.

“Must be the company.” His tongue moved too sluggishly to be sharp, turning the comeback into little more than a mumble. Another jolt of realization lanced through Tomura: Father wasn’t shielding his own face. There wouldn’t be much to see with his hair hanging in a messy curtain…but he still had to repress the urge to fidget on the stool and shift away.

Dabi smirked. Tomura couldn’t tear his stare away from how the smooth skin of his upper cheeks and the trauma-purple scar tissue of his jaw pulled in opposite directions against the surgical staples—the fuckmothering staples—binding them at the seams. The smirk only grew under the attention.

“Yeah, about that…” Dabi reached into his raggedy jacket and Tomura tensed. Then mentally cursed when not a weapon but a small jar was produced. Dark glass, unlabeled, it looked utterly boring in the other man’s palm (also stapled, also intensely weird) as he offered it across the bar. “For you.”

“What…what’s in it?”

“A gesture of goodwill.”

The scarred corner of Tomura’s upper lip peeled back just enough to show a glimmer of teeth. “You couldn’t have given me one in the first place by introducing yourself properly?”

Those disquieting eyes almost glowed. “Sure. But then I wouldn’t have seen who you are. People always show their real selves when they’re pissed.”

A fine tremor infected Tomura’s hands. One swift, short lunge. That’s all it would take to disintegrate Frankendick’s face for good. There would be no Kurogiri to play referee either… “So, what? That was just part of some elaborate test? You going to amaze me with an in-depth character analysis now?”

“Nope. I’m not feeling that generous.”

Right. That did it for his quota of fucks to give for the day. If he stuck around for another thirty seconds there really would be a murder in progress. Tomura turned away from the bar with a scoff.

“Hurts, huh? The stuff around your eyes.”

He froze with one foot on the floor, one still hooked on the bottom of the stool.

“Itches like a sonuvabitch too when it’s humid probably,” Dabi continued, sensing the hook had set. “What’s in the jar helps with that kind of thing.”

“Nothing helps.” The words hissed out of Tomura like a jet of steam.

“This will. I make it. Look how good it works on me.”

For the next solid minute, Tomura could do nothing except grapple with the question of how this staple-faced fucker could even be for real.

Dabi, for his part, let his smirk soften into something that almost resembled an actual smile. Unscrewing the jar’s lid, he set it down on the bar and dipped two fingers into the contents. When he reached forward, Tomura’s hand shot up and captured him around the wrist. Only his index finger didn’t touch, pointed at the ceiling and ready to clamp down in an instant.

On the verge of being reduced to bloody slush staining the floor, Dabi just cocked his head. “Jumpy, are we?”

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” It came out entirely too high and strained to spare Tomura’s dignity.

“I told you. Showing goodwill.” A pause. “Are you touch averse?”

“Am I what?”

“You know. Like, being touched gets you nervous or grosses you out. That sort of thing.”

“The fuck would I know? It’s not like I ever let anyone try!”

Okay. That hadn’t come out quite as intended. Tomura dug his fingers into Dabi’s wrist, deep enough to leave marks even through the sleeve of a jacket, daring the bastard to laugh or make a crude quip. Instead, said bastard quit smiling. His strange, stained-glass eyes only observed, absorbing details while giving none away. Contrary to the lack of mockery, hot blood rushed straight up Tomura’s neck and flooded his face.

All he had to do was flex one finger and Dabi would be dead. Every scenario that played out in inside his mind showed him having the clear advantage at such a close range. So why, why, why had the pulse in his chest and temples kicked into hyper mode?

“Think of this another way,” Dabi said, as if reading his thoughts and causing another spike in blood pressure. “As a show of trust.”

“T-trust?” The word tripped up Tomura’s tongue like it came from an alien language. “We tried to kill each other yesterday.”

The response was a shrug. “That’s yesterday. Like I said, you showed me what I wanted to know. Now I’m returning the favor. That’s why you were so pissed, wasn’t it? When I didn’t make an introduction? You wanted to see if you could trust me. Well, here I am, close enough for you to use your quirk on without much chance to dodge. Still not gonna tell you my name, though.”

All valid points. And having Dabi at his mercy did make for a strong show of dominance. It still didn’t explain why Tomura was the one on the edge of his seat. He eyed the pale goop coating Dabi’s fingers. Sensei had educated him on a wide variety of poisons used for killing or incapacitating victims, but he held few suspicions from that angle. Another crackpot personality test sounded more plausible. For cowardice? To see if he’d flinch if confronted? The only thing Tomura knew for sure was that he couldn’t back down without proving both. He could do nothing except follow the limited dialog and action choices to see what ending he got.

Gathering his will, he eased his fingers from Dabi’s wrist. “Fine. I accept.” A little forethought went a long way; the words came across as gracious rather than sullen.

Dabi continued to study him for a few more heartbeats. When he caught no hint of a trick he reached out and closed the gap.

The warmth came as a shock. It radiated off his fingers just before they made contact with Tomura’s cheek. Against skin they bordered on searing. Despite the extensive training in muscle control and pain tolerance Sensei had drilled into him, a twitch from his jaw betrayed him.

Raising his eyebrows a fraction, Dabi pulled away a few centimeters. “All right?”

Mismatched ass rag. He’d probably raised his body temperature with his fire quirk to provoke a reaction. Rather than Decay his hand and snap it off at the wrist, Tomura said through a snarl, “I’m fine.”

Dabi’s hooded stare declared his doubts on that, but he reached out again. Tomura didn’t falter a second time. The ointment, whatever it was made of, glided onto his cracked skin hot, clingy, and stinging. The fingertips applying it, though, did so with gentle strokes. After a minute or so the sting fizzled into tingling and the heat turned tolerable. It seeped into Tomura’s skull, his jaw and neck. The pinched muscles of his face slowly relaxed. Not so terrible after all. Weird to the nth degree, and he had no clue what he’d do if Kurogiri warped in on them, but not awful. Maybe he’d order Dabi to do this again in the near future. See how much the fucker smirked when his plan worked too well.

Fingers sliding into his hair scattered all petty plans of revenge. Tomura jumped and jerked his head away, blinking, startled.

Dabi’s skin pulled at the seams slightly from a small smile. “Your hair’s covering the other side of your face.”

“Oh.” The only way he could have sounded stupider was if he’d fried his brain like the UA kid with the electricity quirk. A possibility, given how his cheeks and neck were burning up. How the hell had he wound up on the defensive—again? This was why he liked games: whenever a dialog option or approval interaction went wrong he could backtrack and do it over until he got the desired result.

He should kill Dabi where he stood. Eliminate such a major factor of uncertainty. The League needed members to grow, yes, but it also needed stability. Kurogiri would come to see that eventually. Even if he didn’t there wasn’t shit he could do about it in the end. Tomura’s fingers curled on his thighs, ready to leap up and grab any bit of exposed flesh.

A gentle, stitched up hand beat him to it. Dabi brushed aside Tomura’s hair, tucking it back behind his ear. The tickle of the messy strands and strokes from warm fingertips sent fireworks sizzling and popping along the bundles of nerves in his neck and shoulders. Instead of going in for an easy kill his fingers dug into his legs. He barely managed to swallow what would definitely have been a humiliating noise in his surprise. He didn’t even want to consider what his expression had betrayed in that instant.

Was this why people hugged and held hands and all that? Because contact gave them a high? Somehow, Tomura doubted it. Novelty and his inexperience were probably heightening the sensations. Every touch he could remember had been a threat, either given or received. This would turn out no different. He raised his eyes from the bar, intent on finding some shred of evidence to support the suspicion.

Instead, he caught Dabi watching him. Not focused on rubbing the salve in. Not gauging reactions. Just…staring straight at him, irises as bright as the hearts of candleflames. Brain upended, Tomura shrunk in on himself a bit. Seriously, what the blazing fuck did this guy want? Why not spit it out already? The game didn’t have a point without a clear objective.

Tiny sparks spat across the network of nerves in Tomura’s scalp as fingers slipped into his hair again, combing through it. The sharp, involuntary breath he sucked in had nothing to do with the few strands that got caught and pulled by staples. Dabi took his hand away only to let it settle against the curve of Tomura’s cheek. The mildly calloused pad of his thumb caressed soothing heat into the peeling skin.

“There. Better?” His voice was almost as soft as his touch.

Against his will, Tomura realized it was. Not just his face either. For several glorious seconds, his thoughts stayed silent, at rest. There was nothing but warmth and blue eyes and strange feelings he had no names for.

Then the last possibility he would have considered for the whole bizarre encounter breached the calm surface of his mind, churning it back into chaos.

The stool tipped precariously under Tomura as he lurched back from Dabi’s reach. He latched onto the bar’s edge in the nick of time, keeping a finger on each hand away purely by the grace of reflex.

“You really are jumpy. Like a damn stray cat.”

If looks could Decay, he would have given Kurogiri something to sigh about in the form of sixty-eight kilograms’ worth of dust sprayed all over the immaculate shelves and cabinets.

Willfully oblivious, Dabi pushed the little jar across the bar top. “Here. Keep it. Should last awhile.” The smirk returned to his mismatched face as if it had never left. “Don’t expect me to share my chapstick, though. You’re on your own with that one, creep.”

Nothing but a strangled sound of outrage managed to escape Tomura’s constricted throat while the unbelievable bastard grabbed his chosen bottle and sauntered away. He considered flinging the empty glass after him. Using his quirk to bring the entire building crashing down on everyone inside. Crawling into the nearest hole and never coming out too. By the time Dabi was halfway across the room, Tomura had made his decision.

Slowly, his hand went to the jar. One finger touched the lid.

Dabi stopped in front of the door.

A second finger touched the dark glass.

The handle turned.

Three points of contact now.

Faint light spilled in from the hallway.

Tomura’s thumb wrapped around the jar in fourth place.

The door swung shut behind Dabi just as Shigaraki Tomura made his gesture of goodwill disappear, not in his grip but into his pocket.

[angrylizardjacket]

Brian May Exclusive Enterview: Queen, Debauchery and Freddie Mercury (May 21, 2017)

Originally from The Times (which you have to pay to read) but found on SpearHead News (who republished the whole thing for free and I love them for it). Not sure if people had seen it much before but Rock Dad Brian May is v sweet, and the spearhead link has images attached. 

Tragedy, debauchery … and dwarves — the guitarist Brian May gives Krissi Murison an access-all-areas account of his life with Freddie Mercury and rock’s most flamboyant band. by The Sunday Times 

Brian May does a great Freddie Mercury impression. He leans forward in his chair, clasps his hands together conspiratorially and channels the high-speed, staccato delivery of the greatest showman of the late 20th century: “ ‘I had an idea … you know Michael Jackson did this album and it’s called Bad?’ Yeah, Fred. ‘Well, the album we’re making, we could call it Good.’ ”

May laughs. “He would always knock you sideways. Sometimes it was great and sometimes it wasn’t.”

The visitors to Freddie’s dressing room started to change from hot chicks to hot men. It didn’t matter to us — why should it?

May, the guitarist in Queen since their 1970 inception, remembers when Mercury finally announced to him that he was gay, “years after it was obvious”. “In the beginning, the band lived on a shoestring. We couldn’t afford individual hotel rooms, so I would share a room with Freddie … There isn’t a lot I don’t know about Freddie and what he got up to in those days — which was not men, I have to tell you. It was fairly obvious when the visitors to Freddie’s dressing room started to change from hot chicks to hot men. It didn’t matter to us, why should it? But Freddie had this habit of saying, ‘Well, I suppose you realise this, that or the other,’ in this very offhand way, and he did say at some point, ‘I suppose you realise I’ve changed in my private life?’

“And years later, he said, ‘I suppose you realise that I’m dealing with this illness.’ Of course, we all knew [he had Aids], but we didn’t want to. He said, ‘You probably gather that I’m dealing with this thing and I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want our lives to change, but that’s the situation.’ And then he would move on.”

Dredging through old memories has been the subject of May’s latest project: a compilation book of his personal collection of 3D photos from his time striding around the globe during Queen’s heady reign of stadium-rock supremacy. The accompanying words mark the first time any member of Queen has written about their experiences in the band.

It is harrowing to read of Freddie’s final days and the devastating effect the HIV virus took on his body before he died in late 1991. “The problem,” May writes, “was actually his foot, and tragically there was very little left of it. Once, he showed it to us at dinner. And he said, ‘Oh Brian, I’m sorry I’ve upset you by showing you that.’ And I said, ‘I’m not upset, Freddie, except to realise you have to put up with all this terrible pain.’ ”

Equally hard is May’s belief that the “magic cocktail” of drugs that has since stopped Aids becoming a death sentence was discovered just too late to save Freddie.

“He missed by just a few months,” May sighs. “If it had been a bit later he would still have been with us, I’m sure. It’s very …” he breaks off sadly. “Hmmm. You can’t do ‘what if’ can you? You can’t go there because therein lies madness.”

Brian May on his Queen picture book and Freddie Mercury

Honestly, I had expected to meet a sanctimonious old git. May has been dubbed “the world’s grumpiest rock star” thanks to his online blog, Brian’s Soapbox, on which he posts pious rants about politics, the press, badger culls and animal rights. There are flashes of the same hectoring tone in the book. But it must be a mean trick of the typing, because in real life he seems a terribly gentle and pleasant soul.

I meet him in Windlesham, Surrey, in the vast pile where he has his offices. The bookshelves are lined with antique cameras and 19th-century volumes of Punch. In the middle of the room is a female mannequin wearing a sweeping Victorian crinoline skirt — another of May’s esoteric interests.

He wanders in wearing clogs, gardening trousers and a woven red jacket, almost as arresting as his bright grey corkscrew barnet. Under the jacket is a white shirt, unbuttoned dangerously low for someone who turns 70 in July. Bohemian chain pendants clatter against nipple as he leans in to say hello. He is very tall — or maybe that’s just the hair — and frightfully easy-going.

Tea is arranged and he briefly excuses himself. I assume he’s gone to use the facilities or take an urgent phone call. But after 20 minutes I look out the window to see him tottering around the back garden taking pictures of his rhododendron. Has he forgotten me? When he finally returns, it’s with a box containing his treasured collection of “stereoscopic” (3D) cameras and some of the original slides he took.

He shows me one of his favourites: a picture of Freddie and the Queen bassist John Deacon on a private plane in 1977. A blonde woman gazes at Freddie from the seat next to him.

“That’s Mary, his long-term girlfriend.” Despite Mercury’s sexuality, Mary Austin was his longest relationship and the woman he called “the love of my life”. “They were still very close right to the end,” May nods. “He took care of Mary in his will.”

We look at another photo of Freddie having his make-up applied before a show. “You just feel he’s so close there, don’t you?” May smiles. “It’s almost painfully real. He was this strange mixture of flamboyance and shyness,” he says, remembering his first impressions of Mercury. “He had already built this image around himself, which was very confident and colourful. He was a rock star long before he made a record. In the old days they would have called him a dandy. And more recently a metrosexual. He was like a peacock, a person who brought his own fantasy to life.”

Mercury was born Farrokh Bulsara in Zanzibar, east Africa, to Indian Parsi parents in 1946. He had already started calling himself Freddie before his family came to England, fleeing the Zanzibar revolution for Feltham in west London when he was 17. May grew up a few miles away in leafy Hampton, a studious only child who would later quit a PhD in astrophysics at Imperial College London to pursue his rock’n’roll dreams. (He eventually completed it 36 years later in 2007, specialising in zodiacal dust.)

May tells me about the day he met Freddie. The guitarist was already in a university band called Smile. One day Smile’s singer unwittingly brought his colourful, outspoken mate from Ealing Art College to watch a rehearsal. “Freddie was full of enthusiasm, really fired up,” May remembers. “He loved watching us. Then, on the other hand, he was: ‘But you’re doing all of this wrong. Why are you just standing there looking at the floor? Why aren’t you giving a show for people?’ ”

Was he angling for the frontman job himself?

“I think so. He was very complimentary to me. He said, ‘You should be my Jimi Hendrix.’ Freddie loved Hendrix, he followed him everywhere, he was like a disciple.”

A band, Queen, was born with Mercury as singer. I had no idea how revolutionary his crowd interaction was until May explains that most audiences going to watch a rock band in the early 1970s would sit on the floor, nodding. “These days groups encourage audience participation, but Freddie asking people to sing along was almost uncool in those days. It was viewed as something that might happen in cabaret. What we did, if you want to be crass about it, is we amalgamated rock with music hall. That’s why we wrote We Are the Champions, We Will Rock You and Radio Ga Ga — it was consciously allowing the audience to be part of the show.”

Then there were the outfits. May’s book features some beauties: early 1970s Freddie in flowing locks and Zandra Rhodes’s white pleated “winged” capes; gay-icon Freddie, barechested in black leather trousers and black leather biker hat; “Mediterranean prawn” Freddie with his porno moustache, bouffant wig and strappy red leotard.

Wasn’t he scared of getting beaten up?

“No, not really. There were times when we went, Fred, are you really going on in that? I think the maroon sequin shorts were close to the edge as far as we were concerned. But he loved to outrage people. We were very much a people’s band. If people stopped us in the street and got excited, it was generally bricklayers or truck drivers. Freddie had an amazing way of being in contact with everyone, making people feel like their inner selves were going to come out. We liberated a lot of people.”

Mercury the daring peacock, May the soft-spoken brainiac … it is hard not to see them as two polar opposites, but May disagrees. “We were all striding around the world being big-time rock stars, but actually we’re quite fragile inside. It’s probably the reason we’re rock stars, because it’s a big compensation thing, playing a loud guitar or strutting around singing. You do it because you want to feel confident, you want to find yourself and achieve your potential.”

It says much about Mercury’s light-sapping charisma that May spent much of his time in the shadow of the singer while he was alive. And it says much about May’s strategic brilliance that he hasn’t subsequently faded into obscurity, but become the figurehead of a band that is now even more successful than it was during Mercury’s lifetime. According to this year’s Rich List, May is worth £125m, while a recent survey named Queen the favourite band among fiftysomethings.

Next year will finally see the release of a long-awaited Freddie Mercury biopic, with Rami Malek playing the singer, and May and Queen’s drummer, Roger Taylor, on board as music producers. We Will Rock You, a musical based on Queen’s hits, ran at the Dominion Theatre for 12 years from 2002. Since 2012, Queen have toured live with the American Idol finalist Adam Lambert singing Mercury’s lines (heresy in my opinion, but apparently Freddie would have loved him). Nothing, though, can eclipse May’s 2002 moment astride the top of Buckingham Palace, playing a guitar solo of God Save the Queen for the jubilee. The roof was his idea; the organisers had initially envisaged him wandering through the state rooms for the performance, but he thought it lacked impact. Perhaps he is more like Freddie than we will ever know.

Absent from any of the post-Mercury Queen activity is the bassist, John Deacon, now said to be a recluse. “I don’t see him at all, no,” says May. “It’s his choice. He doesn’t contact us. John was quite delicate all along. He could be very outgoing and very funny, but I think some of the stuff that happened in Munich gave him a lot of damage, and I think losing Freddie was very hard for him as well. He found that incredibly hard to process, to the point where actually playing with us made it more difficult.”

Munich was where Queen holed up at the end of the 1970s and early 1980s to write and record. Things got out of hand. May coyly refers to it in the book as a period of heavy drinking in a local bar, “living in a fantasy world of vodka and barmaids”.

Today he is more forthright: “We all lost our minds … we were all in a perilous place where our emotions were out of control. It manifested itself in way too much drinking, a certain amount of drugs, which I didn’t share — but certainly an awful lot of vodka went through my body. We all fell to bits. That’s the moment Freddie wrote It’s a Hard Life. If you look at the video, it’s a metaphor. There’s all this wonderful, fanciful clothing and excess of food, wine and debauchery, but Freddie’s saying ‘It’s a hard life’ as the grapes are thrust into his mouth. The Freddie writing that song was actually in a very painful, emotional place.”

It inevitably also had an impact on the band dynamic. “We overreacted with each other at times. We all left the band at some point. The studio’s a hard place for a band anyway, but in our case all four of us as writers had had worldwide hits — and I think that’s unique, I don’t think there’s another band in history where that’s true. You have four writers trying to create the next statement of what we are, so what could that statement be except a fight between the different visions? The lifestyle we led magnified that conflict.” In Deacon’s case, it culminated in “John disappearing to Bali and seeing God or whatever”.

When it comes to legendary Queen decadence, May’s book does its best to brush over the carnage. So let me be the one to remind you: there was the Madison Square Garden aftershow party at which male guests were served by topless waitresses in stockings and heels and female guests by men in nothing but gym shorts (to avoid accusations of sexism). And the champagne bill for Freddie’s 35th birthday in New York in 1981, which is said to have been £30,000. Most outrageous, though, was a 1978 album-release party in New Orleans, involving “a flock of transvestites, fire-eaters, dancing girls, snake charmers and strippers dressed as nuns”, according to Mark Blake’s well-respected Queen biography. The tales of what happened next range from the lurid (naked mud-wrestling, public fornication) to the unprintable, but perhaps the most famous involves a fleet of dwarves carrying platters of cocaine strapped to their heads. Does May remember seeing them?

“We knew a lot of dwarves,” he concedes. “I’m still very friendly with the dwarf community because my wife, Anita, used to do pantomimes. I don’t want to sound big-headed, but I’m pretty big in the dwarf world. I’ve spent many long nights propping up bars with dwarves.”

Of New Orleans, he says: “We chose to launch the album there because it was completely broad-minded. We knew a lot of people on the ‘edge of society’, as you would have called it then. You wouldn’t call it that now, you’d call it LGBTBF or whatever it is now. To that party came all sorts of pretty outrageous performers of every sex — and there are a lot! It was fun, nothing sinister went on at all. Nobody was abused, nobody was taken advantage of.”

Fat Bottomed Girls — I was proud of that song. The nude photoshoot was fun at the time, but I wouldn’t find it amusing now. Attitudes change

He would rather distance himself from some of Queen’s less politically correct japes. “For instance, Fat Bottomed Girls. I am very proud of that song, but as part of the album packaging we had this nude [female] bicycle race for a photo session and it all seemed quite innocent and fun at the time. Now I wouldn’t think that was amusing. Attitudes have changed to lots of things.”

He was far from the hardest-partying member of Queen. He’s never even tried drugs, having decided while still a student that “I want to get to the end of this and know that everything I felt was real”.

His weakness was always “company”. He bemoans his sensitive and emotionally immature nature, which meant he was endlessly trawling the world for “the perfect bond with the perfect partner … the place where you could dissolve with someone to the point where you don’t know where they start and you end.”

Did he ever find it? “No, it’s impossible. I’ve glimpsed it. Various times, various moments. But it’s a wonderful fiction, really.”

Don’t feel too bad for him. While he was searching, his then-wife, Chrissie Mullen, was stuck at home with their three children.

“It was very different in those days. There were no mobile phones and phone calls were incredibly expensive if you were on the other side of the world. There was this feeling that life on the road was this separate bubble from your life back home. Nowadays you can’t even begin to think that because communication is so good. We lived in a time that was very exciting, but lonely because you were cut off. You were exploring the frontiers of what was around you, but also the frontiers of what was inside you. In the same way as people who went to look for the Northwest Passage in the 1950s. It felt a bit like you were an explorer in another universe.”

As justifications for adultery go, I suppose it’s a pretty classy one.

He met his second wife, Anita Dobson — aka Angie, the original Queen Vic landlady from EastEnders — in 1986 at a film premiere, while he was still married to Mullen. He and Dobson wed in 2000. There was much amusement in the early days about them both having the same huge poodle perms — though May’s is the real deal and Dobson has been platinum and straight for some time now. In his book’s acknowledgments, he thanks her for managing to live with “possibly the most infuriating man in Britain for 30 years”.

“I know I’m not easy,” he says. “I’m constantly obsessed with one thing or another — astronomy, stereoscopy, music, saving animals … Living with someone like that is appallingly difficult, so I think she deserves a medal. I’m not going to tell you she’s easy, either. She’s an artist and a fearsomely creative person, so our life has always been turbulent, but I suppose that’s what’s kept us young.”

He has previously spoken about the depression he suffered from in the late 1980s and early 1990s, as he dealt with the fallout from his first marriage breaking down and the deaths of both his father and Mercury. Last year he cancelled a tour due to a mystery “persistent illness”. And on Christmas Day he published an alarming blog on Brian’s Soapbox. “I’ve been going through some radical and painful changes in my life … if you had seen me a few weeks ago, you would’ve wondered if I was going to make it to Christmas,” he wrote, before publishing a “tool kit” of apps, a book and a prayer to help others struggling to cope “physically or mentally or spiritually”.

“I went through a very bad period before Christmas and cancelled everything, not just the tour, everything,” he explains. “I just knew I couldn’t handle it.”

Would he call it depression?

“Strangely enough I prefer not to call it depression now. I’ve recently got very much into the body and mind. All my life I’ve been pathetic at doing exercises. I now have a regime — every morning I do 40 minutes’ exercise, then I finish with meditation. It’s really enabled me to recentre. I feel like I’m in a much better place.”

He is an advocate of mindful meditation — a way of living in the present that he believes Mercury used in the final days of his illness. May is happy to speak openly about his own mental health. “I noticed Prince Harry opened up in a similar way. I’ve always thought it’s nice to be open and I get reinforced in that because I get tons of mail saying the fact that you talked about it has helped me feel like I wasn’t alone and wasn’t a freak. I don’t think all this taboo business is helpful at all.”

I wonder if it might be a better use of his platform than his zealous activism on behalf of badgers, which seems a rather niche concern. In brief, then: he is a fierce campaigner against the policy of culling badgers to try to eradicate bovine TB. It is his scientific belief that the cull isn’t working. But it is muddled by his more deep-seated conviction: “Martin Luther King said we hold it self-evident that every man is born equal. I hold it self-evident that every creature is born equal.”

He can point to numerous childhood traumas that led him to this conclusion: watching his mother pour boiling water over an invasion of ants on the path outside his house; squirting a bumblebee with the pesticide DDT, then recoiling in shame as it dropped to the ground, buzzing to its slow and agonising death. If he hasn’t yet had therapy for the latter, he really should.

The animal fanaticism is odd, because on everything else he seems so calmly rational. Perhaps he learnt some of that composure from Freddie. Despite his pain, Freddie was determined to keep working during the band’s final days together in a recording studio in Montreux.

“What we did was get on with business as usual, which is what Freddie wanted,” May remembers. “He said, ‘I don’t want anything to change. We just do what we always do and we love what we do, so it’s going to be fine.’ Certainly those days towards the end were fabulous, full of laughter and joy, Freddie as wicked as ever. He was incredibly matter-of-fact about everything. ‘Oh darling, I’ll just get on with it.’ There wasn’t any self-pity at all. He wanted a ballad, so I very quickly sketched something in the studio and Freddie liked it. He said, ‘Gimme some words’. It was a question of scribbling a few lines and he’d chuck a couple of vodkas down — because he could hardly stand at that point — ‘Oh darling, I’ll do it now.’ Then he’d prop himself up on the desk and sing the lines. We didn’t quite get to the end. I gave him the last verse and he said, ‘Oh darling, I’m not feeling too good now, so I’ll come back to it. In a couple of days I’ll be fine, we’ll do it then.’ And he never did.”

May finished the song after Mercury’s death. It’s called Mother Love, “an attempt from the two of us to look at life and sum it up, to reconcile the end with the beginning, although we wouldn’t have put it that way.”

What does he think Freddie would be doing now if he were still alive? “I don’t think he’d have the patience for social media, because I hardly do and he was much more impatient than me. I don’t think he would be tweeting, he would probably be still writing his little memos on pieces of paper. He was becoming more and more reclusive towards the end of his life. That was partly because he was becoming more and more visible, but partly not wanting his illness to be public. But he was very private anyway and I think that would have continued.”

He is adamant Mercury would still be creating music. “His creativity would have carried on. He was unstoppable and very lateral-thinking. Always coming up with things that were surprising. Often Roger and I, if we’re creating something for Queen, both of us have said that we feel like he’s in the room and you know what he’d say. You can tell if he would have been scornful or enthusiastic — although of course the whole thing about Freddie was that he wasn’t expected.”

We have touched upon May’s depression, infidelity, the painful death of one of his closest friends and the painful death of a bee. Yet there is one subject so sensitive, I have avoided raising it until the very end. His hair. He hates talking about it, but he must on some level like the attention it brings, otherwise why doesn’t he just cut it off?

“I’m comfortable with it,” he says. “It’s completely real. For a time when it was going grey I got very worried that I had to keep it a certain way or I wouldn’t be me any more. Anita encouraged me not to worry about it.”

Would he ever cut it off?

“If it would achieve world peace, I’d do it tomorrow. If it would stop the badger cull, I’d probably do it tomorrow. Because the badger cull is a worthless, senseless operation, it’s not working and sooner or later our government has to realise …”

The images in May’s new book are not just any photos, but 3D pictures, taken on one of the Queen guitarist’s prized “stereoscopic” cameras.

Alongside music, astronomy and badgers, May is deliriously passionate about 3D photography. He first became hooked, aged 12, when Weetabix gave away free stereoscopic picture cards. He petitioned his parents to send off 1s 6d for the photo viewer so he could see them properly in 3D. “It’s probably about £2.50 by today’s money. But we were poor in those days — £2.50 was a lot of heating and lighting.”

“Stereoscopic” photography was originally a Victorian phenomenon and May’s book is published through the London Stereoscopic Company, a 19th-century business he brought back to life in 2008. He has also designed and prototyped his own stereoscopic photo viewer, the Owl, to see the images in their full, 3D majesty; it comes with the book. “It’s just magic to me,” he says, “when you see a picture of Freddie in the viewer and he springs to life.”