#their story cannot be treated as a major one

[agneswarda]

just a lil thought I need to get out of my system: love how the byler shippers in general have such a good understanding of the show, its themes, in which direction it should go. but also I worry that they understand the show much better than its actual creators. i'm worried that the hype will eventually lead to a lot of disappointment. I say so as a former believer in tjlc 🤡

[fans4wga]

"The studios thought they could handle a strike. They might end up sparking a revolution"

by Mary McNamara

"If you want to start a revolution, tell your workers you’d rather see them lose their homes than offer them fair wages. Then lecture them about how their “unrealistic” demands are “disruptive” to the industry, not to mention disturbing your revels at Versailles, er, Sun Valley.

Honestly, watching the studios turn one strike into two makes you wonder whether any of their executives have ever seen a movie or watched a television show. Scenes of rich overlords sipping Champagne and acting irritated while the crowd howls for bread rarely end well for the Champagne sippers.

This spring, it sometimes seemed like the Hollywood studios represented by the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers were actively itching for a writers’ strike. Speculations about why, exactly, ran the gamut: Perhaps it would save a little money in the short run and show the Writers Guild of America (perceived as cocky after its recent ability to force agents out of the packaging business) who’s boss.

More obviously, it might secure the least costly compromise on issues like residuals payments and transparency about viewership.

But the 20,000 members of the WGA are not the only people who, having had their lives and livelihoods upended by the streaming model, want fair pay and assurances about the use of artificial intelligence, among other sticking points. The 160,000 members of the Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists share many of the writers’ concerns. And recent unforced errors by studio executives, named and anonymous, have suddenly transformed a fight the studios were spoiling for into a public relations war they cannot win.

Even as SAG-AFTRA representatives were seeing a majority of their demands rejected despite a nearly unanimous strike vote, a Deadline story quoted unnamed executives detailing a strategy to bleed striking writers until they come crawling back.

Days later, when an actors’ strike seemed imminent, Disney Chief Executive Bob Iger took time away from the Sun Valley Conference in Idaho not to offer compromise but to lecture. He told CNBC’s David Faber that the unions’ refusal to help out the studios by taking a lesser deal is “very disturbing to me.”

“There’s a level of expectation that they have that is just not realistic,” Iger said. “And they are adding to the set of the challenges that this business is already facing that is, quite frankly, very disruptive.”

If Iger thought his attempt to exec-splain the situation would make actors think twice about walking out, he was very much mistaken. Instead, he handed SAG-AFTRA President Fran Drescher the perfect opportunity for the kind of speech usually shouted atop the barricades.

“We are the victims here,” she said Thursday, marking the start of the actors’ strike. “We are being victimized by a very greedy entity. I am shocked by the way the people that we have been in business with are treating us. I cannot believe it, quite frankly: How far apart we are on so many things. How they plead poverty, that they’re losing money left and right, when giving hundreds of millions of dollars to their CEOs. It is disgusting. Shame on them. They stand on the wrong side of history at this very moment.”

Cue the cascading strings of “Les Mis,” bolstered by images of the most famous people on the planet walking out in solidarity: the cast of “Oppenheimer” leaving the film’s London premiere; the writers and cast of “The X-Files” reuniting on the picket line.

A few days later, Barry Diller, chairman and senior executive of IAC and Expedia Group and a former Hollywood studio chief, suggested that studio executives and top-earning actors take a 25% pay cut to bring a quick end to the strikes and help prevent “the collapse of the entire industry.”

When Diller is telling executives to take a pay cut to avoid destroying their industry, it is no longer a strike, or even two strikes. It is a last-ditch attempt to prevent le déluge.

Yes, during the 2007-08 writers’ strike, picketers yelled noncomplimentary things at executives as they entered their respective lots. (“What you earnin’, Chernin?” was popular at Fox, where Peter Chernin was chairman and chief executive.) But that was before social media made everything more immediate, incendiary and personal. (Even if they have never seen a movie or TV show, one would think that people heading up media companies would understand how media actually work.)

Even at the most heated moments of the last writers’ strike, executives like Chernin and Iger were seen as people who could be reasoned with — in part because most of the executives were running studios, not conglomerations, but mostly because the pay gap between executives and workers, in Hollywood and across the country, had not yet widened to the reprehensible chasm it has since.

Now, the massive eight- and nine-figure salaries of studio heads alongside photos of pitiably small residual checks are paraded across legacy and social media like historical illustrations of monarchs growing fat as their people starve. Proof that, no matter how loudly the studios claim otherwise, there is plenty of money to go around.

Topping that list is Warner Bros. Discovery Chief Executive Davd Zaslav. Having re-named HBO Max just Max and made cuts to the beloved Turner Classic Movies, among other unpopular moves, Zaslav has become a symbol of the cold-hearted, highly compensated executive that the writers and actors are railing against.

The ferocious criticism of individual executives’ salaries has placed Hollywood’s labor conflict at the center of the conversation about growing wealth disparities in the U.S., which stokes, if not causes, much of this country’s political divisions. It also strengthens the solidarity among the WGA and SAG-AFTRA and with other groups, from hotel workers to UPS employees, in the midst of disputes during what’s been called a “hot labor summer.”

Unfortunately, the heightened antagonism between studio executives and union members also appears to leave little room for the kind of one-on-one negotiation that helped end the 2007-08 writers’ strike. Iger’s provocative statement, and the backlash it provoked, would seem to eliminate him as a potential elder statesman who could work with both sides to help broker a deal.

Absent Diller and his “cut your damn salaries” plan, there are few Hollywood figures with the kind of experience, reputation and relationships to fill the vacuum.

At this point, the only real solution has been offered by actor Mark Ruffalo, who recently suggested that workers seize the means of production by getting back into the indie business, which is difficult to imagine and not much help for those working in television.

It’s the AMPTP that needs to heed Iger’s admonishment. At a time when the entertainment industry is going through so much disruption, two strikes is the last thing anyone needs, especially when the solution is so simple. If the studios don’t want a full-blown revolution on their hands, they’d be smart to give members of the WGA and SAG-AFTRA contracts they can live with."

[goldyke]

LAP Bands should be illegal

This post is going to deal with medical fatphobia, weight loss surgery, coercion, emetophobia, food issues, disordered eating, and just all around bad shit. But it’s important.

Shortly after I reached adulthood, I was coerced into weight loss surgery. I weighed about 250 pounds and was considered morbidly obese.

The Lap Band is a disgrace to the medical profession and is just another example of how the medical profession does not care about the lives of fat people.

To preface this: the surgery works. I lost 70 pounds and people treated me differently and I hated them all for it.

The Lap Band made my life miserable. When it was filled, I could not eat until noon without getting stuck. Even then, getting stuck was always a risk. There was a strict diet to follow and you were supposed to be safe from that if you followed it. On top of that, there were rules for how you ate. One standard I saw was not to eat in bites larger than your fingernail. Can you see yourself doing that for a week, let alone years and years?

Getting stuck is a horror you can't imagine. The food lodges in the top of your stomach, blocking off your system. You continue to produce saliva and swallow it down. Slowly, the mucous in your saliva builds up. It feels like you're drowning. Eventually, you have to essentially throw it all up. A disgusting experience (and a mortifying one if you're in public.) The saliva is thick and ropy. This experience is often called "sliming" on the forums.

I became frightened of eating in public. In a way, I became frightened of food altogether. I knew something had to give the day I reacted to someone biting a hamburger in a tv show the way a regular person would react to a killer jumping out in a horror movie. I developed the disgusting and unhealthy habit of chewing and spitting out food. I completely lost my enjoyment of many foods I had previously enjoyed because of how problematic they were (I can no longer enjoy a chicken thigh for example.) I stopped eating meals and began grazing. I developed eating habits worse than the ones that "made me fat"

After 3 years, I had the band emptied of fluid, which significantly decreased, but did not stop, these problems. I regained the weight, and found it didn't bother me. (Along the way I discovered that my discomfort with my body had never been weight related)

I had my band removed after 6.5 years earlier this year. I am in a support group on facebook for victims of this malpractice. There are 5.6 thousand members, each with their own horror stories. Some of them cannot get the band removed because insurance will not cover the procedure, though they happily covered the band's placement. Some have tried to go through with removal but have had surgeons try to coerce them into getting a different weight-loss surgery instead of just removing it. Many have long-term damage from the band eroding the walls of their stomach or esophagus, or from the band adhering to multiple organs. Many of them had the band for 12-14 years, before removal because none of our doctors told us it needs to be removed within 10.

Many practices no longer perform Lap Band surgery and now believe it is unethical. The surgeon who removed my band still performs this surgery regularly.

A study performed in 2011 with 151 lap band patients, found that 22% of patients experienced minor complications and 39% experienced major complications. The person who coerced me into surgery actually experienced major complications and needed an emergency removal.

I experienced no serious complications. Everything I described above is considered normal. And It still drastically lowered my quality of life.

I don't know why I'm sharing this or who I'm sharing it for, but here I am. If you know anyone considering the lap band surgery, don't let them go through with it without knowing the truth. And please be kinder to your body than the medical profession wants you to be.

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧ DOES YOUR CRUSH LIKE YOU BACK? ୧

Hello everyone! Happy December and welcome to another pick a card. This pick a card reading is all about your crush and whether or not they like you back. Feedback, likes and reblogs help me grow my platform and are highly appreciated! If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.comvia paypal! xo ♡

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›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are available!

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE. ��take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ༉ ‧ guardian of the memory.

king of swords, five of pentacles, seven of swords rx. bottom of the deck: two of cups.

This is such an interesting pile and I do not say that very often. So, your channeled song is a very, very dear song to me which is from a game soundtrack, it's traditional Chinese, but the story is about a mermaid and a time lord who fall in love. She gives up their memories of each other to save their lives, so they eventually forget one another and once they re-encounter, there are bitter feelings and they dislike each other, but there's a lingering feeling of something familiar, something more, something which they do not acknowledge or cannot express, despite the ambiguity and the coldness of their relationship.

For your crush, they may have rejected you, but much like the story from the song, it's getting hard to deny that they like you, that there is something more. This person cannot stop thinking about you and the truth is starting to come out. If they have treated you coldly, ignored you or simply seemed aloof, it is because they're trying to distance themselves from these feelings. Your crush may have self-sabotaging tendencies. To some, I'm picking up their love language is sarcasm (lol).

This person tends to be more on the rational side, they could be an air sun, rising or mercury and therefore, it's hard to pick up on their feelings. No wonder why you're here, pile one! But rest assured, their feelings are catching up to them and it won't be long until this person realizes the feelings are very, very mutual. Yes, they do like you back - just wait a little until they come to terms with it.

channeled songs and messages. mutual by shawn mendes, avoidant, left on read, 5:55, on your door, drive by, 2016, instagram filters, situationship, "i need to know", "in my feels", drake, rap, kendrick, fool for you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ༉ ‧ never gonna give you up.

the well, knight of pentacles, three of swords. bottom of the deck: judgement.

You're not getting rick-rolled, pile two. The song above is a cover by Hazlett, with a very gentle, soothing melody. Yes, this person does like you back but they are recovering from a very painful heartbreak. Although they want to come towards you, they're taking their sweet time because they don't want to make the same mistakes.

When this person loves, they love deeply, they pour and pour onto others. This time around, they want to make sure this connection is worthwhile. This person is not looking for a fling, for a one night stand or a situationship. They want something solid but they're evaluating you first in order to make sure this new love won't bring back old feelings.

They could be going through a major change in their life and for most of the people in this pile, it seems an internal change. They want to make sure they've learnt from their lessons and will not dive into anything headfirst. Therefore, expect slow movement for this person. If you're okay with that, then it shouldn't be a problem. Approach them with pure intentions and honesty. Try to show them you have character, that you can be a good friend and partner to those around you. They do not like mind games and want something stable, long-term for themselves.

channeled songs and messages. mature, old enough, "your man", r&b, bruno mars, "got game", bouquet, flowers, knight in shining armor, traditionally masculine, beard, dark brown hair, side profile, drawings, 777.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ༉ ‧ just to feel your touch.

six of cups, four of wands, page of pentacles, the star. bottom of the deck: wheel of fortune.

So many cards wanted to pop out, lol. You even got an extra one. So, this pile is oddly specific and may not resonate with everyone. Therefore, if it's the case, please feel free to choose another pile!

This crush of yours is someone you have known for quite some time, years or at least seven, eight months. They could be close to your family or you and this person feels like home to you, they bring you safety and comfort. This may also be a queer relationship and therefore there's hesitation, hopeful thinking involved.

Both of you are too scared to cross the line at this point because there's no telling what the future will hold. You are mirroring each other, worried about blurring the lines between romance and friendship because there are some risks involved - your family or theirs may not approve, you'll face prejudice or straight up be rejected by one another (even though both of you are on the same page). Maybe they're in a relationship and you don't want to be disrespectful.

Regardless of the specifics, this person does like you back, very, very much. You fill them with fondness and soft feelings. Whatever the future holds is not yours to control. This relationship is very positive and healing. The odds are in your favor, pile three!

channeled songs and messages. "best thing", "mine", country songs, 2006, 2007, nostalgia, childhood, y2k, banter, play fighting, youtube, camera records, liminal spaces, weirdcore, nostalgiacore.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ༉ ‧ always thinking about you.

death, the hanged man, the hierophant, ten of cups. bottom of the deck: the magician rx.

This is another highly specific scenario, so take only what resonates for you. It seems your crush is already in an established relationship already, some kind of commitment that makes them very happy. Regardless, they do not really know how to feel about you, pile four, to be honest. You may be the third party in this situation and they may have promised to end their relationship to be with you, but this person is procrastinating making a decision between you and someone else.

There is trickery, deception and not-so-pure intentions here. If they are single, then this person may have alluded to something more with you, perhaps a family, or a relationship, something stable and long-term, but they do not intend to follow through. While you may have had something, their feelings for you have changed and they're not being quite honest about it.

I get a really two-faced feeling from this pile. This person could do and say something, but do something entirely different in the next. Even the channeled song says "I'm making for the door / you're making other plans". They could be trying to juggle you or someone else, as I mentioned, but it seems like they've got other plans and they're not being fully honest with you about it. I'm sorry, pile four, you deserve better!

channeled songs and messages. "double talk", secrecy, obsession, the devil, "what are you up to?", moving on, doe eyes, gemini, libra, taurus, aquarius, baby on the way.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content!

DISCLAIMER. tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. be mindful ♡

[edwinspaynes]

My Case for Why Only Romantic Payneland Would Feel Truly Satisfying

Last night, I made a poll about whether people would be satisfied with QPR Payneland. I was curious where we stood on this as a fandom, and it's cool that it's about 50/50 between "either would be okay" and "I want them romantic."

Preface: I'm a monogamous biromantic asexual. If you were wondering. I have been in both a queerplatonic relationship (where I had a one-sided romantic crush on my QPP) and a few romantic relationships with both men and women.

Preface II: This post is not at all intended to be judgmental of any type of relationship. Poly people are awesome; aro/ace people in QPRs rock. This is specifically examining what is right for Charles and Edwin.

Preface III: I think that Edwin and Charles have definitely been in an unlabeled QPR since the beginning. They don't have the word for it, but it definitely is a QPR. They aren't romantically involved, but they make major decisions surrounding the other one and feel like they would wither up and die if they had to live in separate places.

This was great up until now, I think. A QPR is very valuable, very special, and very beautiful. It's meaningful and has served them wonderfully up until this point.

But it isn't sustainable for these specific characters.

The Need for Exclusivity in Both a QPR and a Romantic Relationship

I think that with no other external factors impacting my media needs, I would be okay with an exclusive QPR Payneland.

@tumblerislovetumblerislife astutely said:

I do not think that there is any world where they're suited for polyamory - this is honestly my biggest nope-out of fics and I deeply, deeply hate it for them.

This is because:

They already feel like a Pair Set to me that cannot be separated or infringed on by anyone else, and

In the end, it would never be fair to a romantic (or other platonic) partner because they would unplug anyone else's life support to charge the other's phone. No one else would ever be the priority over the other, and if they did, that would be OOC.

Even if they decided to date someone else now in the short-term, like Crystal or the Cat King, it's necessarily temporary. It's to Figure Things Out. There is an expiration date. And whether that's due to a romantic or a platonic bond between Edwin and Charles, their bond being stronger than any other is the reason for that expiration date.

So polyamory feels extremely disingenuous to their characters to me and is imo extremely OOC.

Authenticity to the Story

Edwin is currently, in the explicit canon, essentially Charles's QPP who has a one-sided crush on him. That is the explicit canon. It's not a fun place to be, no matter how much your QPP loves you - I have Been There.

Edwin is not unhappy or dissatisfied with the current situation, and he knows Charles loves him. But it still is kind of a sucky place to sit.

Luckily, the love does not actually feel one-sided! Charles reads as a character that has always been romantically in love with Edwin, probably long before Edwin fell romantically in love with Charles, but he neither has the self-awareness nor the words to describe it.

Charles touching his heart at the end of episode 8 makes it clear that he is beginning to have his Big Epiphany. I wish the show wasn't canceled because, uh, I want it.

This obvious two-sided romantic love makes a future QPR feel inauthentic to me. I think both characters would feel like it was the wrong shape for the relationship after they both had their epiphanies.

Other Media Considerations

I understand that a lot of people, it's important to have an explicitly-labeled QPR in a show. I do not disagree with this! I think we need WAY more QPRs in media that are explicitly labeled as such and treated as valid. I just don't think that it's right for Charles and Edwin.

I've explained why this is true from a character perspective; but let me also talk about how relationships like theirs are treated.

I'm personally sick of the "bond-beyond-bonds relationship that remains purely platonic." We saw it with Destiel onscreen because of the rancid queerbaiting in Supernatural; we saw it in Johnlock as a direct result of similar, albeit less magnified, queerbaiting.

This is, to me, the exact type of relationship that a QPR between Edwin and Charles would be.

It would be different. I know this. There is no world where DBDA is queerbaiting us; we have a gay MC and tons of queer side characters.

But to me, platonic Payneland being endgame would still feel like a betrayal because that endgame would feel like something adjacent to the endings of other shows that have queerbaited in the past. I feel like a huge appeal of DBDA is that it's beginning to right those wrongs and heal those wounds, and I firmly believe that's one intention of the show. It would feel unkind to the bulk of viewers for them not to end up together.

I think that the show ultimately was going to make them romantic endgame. It just didn't have the time to before getting the axe, which SUCKS.

So yeah. These are my personal thoughts. I hope I've articulated some of the things that a lot of you think.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Building & Revealing Characters

You’ve assembled a great deal of information about your characters: You can see them, you know what they’re thinking, and you know what they want.

But conveying this information to your reader is its own unique challenge.

Character-Building

Just as you can’t rely on mere exposition to explain what happened before your story, you can’t preface your story with an interview with your character.

Character is something you build throughout the course of your story.

Recall that major characters, like your protagonist, are ones that will change during the course of the story; who they are in the beginning is not who they’ll be in the end.

Revealing your Characters

That said, you’ll want to give the reader an impression of who the character is at the outset of the story.

Example: Fitzgerald uses the first-person narrator, Nick Carraway, to gradually reveal information about Gatsby; the reader learns more information about Gatsby as Nick learns about him.

You might use minor characters to reveal information about your character if you’re writing from a point-of-view that is not the protagonist.

Likeable

The protagonist must also be likeable (at least to an extent).

If your reader cannot identify with your character, cannot picture themselves in the character’s shoes, then they may not want to read on.

While fiction is plot-driven, the reader might not care about your plot unless they care about your protagonist.

Make the reader root for your character; we want them to succeed (most of the time) e.g., Gatsby.

Character Flaws

This doesn’t mean that your character should be perfect—quite the opposite, actually. We don’t want to read about perfect people; if a character is the most beautiful and talented person in the world, and if they have everything they want, there’s no story there.

Example: Every character in William Shakespeare’s plays has a “fatal flaw”: a personality flaw that will cause the character to fail, that Achilles’ heel that the antagonist will exploit.

When you are building your own characters, think about what sort of flaws they have. The flaw should make sense for the character — it should be related to their background/beliefs.

You can’t assign flaws arbitrarily—the flaw should arise from the circumstances of your character’s life, where they are, who they know, how they were raised and how they’ve been treated.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Plot ⚜ Character ⚜ Worldbuilding

[kazzsk2]

Info dumping about resurrected sacrifice au but it's from my text last night to someone who was willing to listen to my ramblings 😌

(Also these are the major outfits the lamb wears in this au)

Anyways, in the au (specifically the resurrection on) it's separated into three parts right. And the story actually starts before the initial seven resurrections it to bring lamb back and make them stay. It's starts right at the time of the lamb's execution and I saw this one post about another person's au saying that the lamb would be executed in their wedding clothes so I kinda took that idea as well to a certain extent.

So basically lamb was executed in wedding attire which narinder took a certain way (kind of considered a miscommunication) and that kind of fueled the desire to resurrect lamb.

This was only heightened with seeing the last remnants of the lamb begin to dissappear like the followers that personally connected with the lamb dying from old age, the statues of them being dirty and covered in overgrown plants, and new decorations for narinder beginning to overtake the old ones. Narinder began to grow quiet and started to wear the viel around this time.

His siblings began to take notice of this, especially shamura. Shamura was the one to actually suggest the whole resurrection thing and though he meant well, this actually kinda ruined narinder's mental health

He began to obess over the possibility of bring the lamb back to the point he had to do the resurrections in secret to avoid his siblings from stopping him. Then, after the several resurrections, he gets the lamb to stay by a five year agreement and does his best over the first part of the story to get them to agree to stay after five years.

During this time, I wanted to make it very comedic but at the same time like super sad undertones. Like totally funny way of doing something but when you really pay attention to the words it's actually sad.

Nearing the end of this first arc is when narinder and lamb have an argument and lamb is like "why don't you beg for me to stay, since you're desperate for your dear vessel back" as more of a (idk the word) snag at narinder, not actually expecting him to do so. But he literally does so and that's when lamb is like "bro I think this is like seriously screwed up and we should talk through this like normal people" this is also the first time narinder vocally speaks as throughout the whole first part, he is mute besides sign language & when he does sermons/rituals for the cult.

This is when lamb & narinder talk and get their biggest insecurities and worries out in the air. The lamb's biggest one being that he's the last of his kind and death was the only way to be connected back with those he lost. Narinder's biggest was how he treated lamb like an object and without the love they deserved. His second being that it felt as though he always bought harm upon the lamb no matter how badly he tried to fix it.

This leads into the second part of the story which is the turn in the two's relationship (& where the lamb starts catching feelings). I want to use the trope where like one falls first but the other falls the hardest with like lamb and narinder with narinder falling first but lamb falling hardest. As they work through their problems and find ways around the ones they cannot fix that easily, the lamb begins to get the feelings & at first hates himself for it. He has a whole inner dilemma of fighting that he wouldn't stay for the 5 years, that narinder had been willing to kill him so easily for power what's stopping him from doing it again, and the fact that falling in love with narinder would be falling in love with the brother of those who murdered their kind.

They managed to (also totally random but I use the headcanon that lamb goes by they/he just in case cuz I keep switching it up) work through their thoughts tho and accept the fact that they have fallen for narinder and it isn't exactly a bad thing.

Most of this part is just the start of their relationship and working it all out like how any semi normal relationship between two people with deep pasts and hidden issues hidden in their bones work. The first half is all the nitty gritty and then the second half is pure fluff

& then the last part is just domestic life epilogue 😌 nothing really serious besides introducing the shitten (hehehe shit-ten).

Ok that's all

[drchucktingle]

queer horror memory lane

i know this screenshot above is just way of some algorithm but seeing these books together i am so honored youve allowed me to open my heart and trot out my art in this unique way. having two well received queer horror books (and third on way) is amazing given where i started my trot. thank you

easy to talk on 'death of unique art' these days but if you look at my story it is powerful example that buckaroos have a taste for challenging or untraditional figures in art. this is NOT to my credit, this is to YOUR credit. YOU have supported queer autistic art. i am so moved

i am already a pretty optimistic bud but still BLOWN AWAY by way my trot has been embraced over time. i recognize my perspective is 'strange' to many but to see the way this unique way was once treated with irony and now sincerity has bloomed in its place. it brings tears of joy

as i trot down my QUEER HORROR memory lane i am going to repost TRAILER for each book just because i have been basking in these memories and recalling the slow embrace of this timeline around me. thank you for allowing me this space i am so humbled and honored. LOVE IS REAL

STRAIGHT

When a strange tear in the cosmos appears within Earth’s annual path, the consequences are disastrous. For one night a year, the vast majority of humans now undergo a frightening mental change, transforming into hateful, rage-fueled zombies who will stop at nothing to satiate their desire for brutality.

While not much is understood about this horrific mass hysteria, the demographic it effects is very specific: cisgender straight people. 

A few years after the first of these tragic events, four friends from across the queer spectrum look for safety in solitude, hunkering down in a remote desert cabin for what is now known as Saturation Day. With a vaccine available for straight people to curb their violent episodes, some predict the worst is over. Others aren’t so sure.

As night falls, it becomes clear that survival isn’t guaranteed this Saturation Day.

GET STRAIGHT HERE

CAMP DAMASCUS

From beloved internet icon Chuck Tingle, Camp Damascus is a searing and earnest horror debut about the demons the queer community faces in America, the price of keeping secrets, and finding the courage to burn it all down. Welcome to Neverton, Montana: home to a God-fearing community with a heart of gold. Nestled high up in the mountains is Camp Damascus, the self-proclaimed “most effective” gay conversion camp in the country. Here, a life free from sin awaits. But the secret behind that success is anything but holy. And they’ll scare you straight to hell.

GET CAMP DAMASCUS HERE

BURY YOUR GAYS

Misha knows that chasing success in Hollywood can be hell.

But finally, after years of trying to make it, his big moment is here: an Oscar nomination. And the executives at the studio for his long-running streaming series know just the thing to kick his career to the next level: kill off the gay characters, "for the algorithm," in the upcoming season finale.

Misha refuses, but he soon realizes that he’s just put a target on his back. And what’s worse, monsters from his horror movie days are stalking him and his friends through the hills above Los Angeles.

Haunted by his past, Misha must risk his entire future―before the horrors from the silver screen find a way to bury him for good.

PREORDER BURY YOUR GAYS HERE

i am blessed by your support, your love, and your kindness. cannot believe how lucky i am to trot with you in all in this way and i cant WAIT to see what the future of this timeline holds for us. thank you for proving love with me from the past to the future

[rotisserory]

Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts

So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:

1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.

2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3

3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao

By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)

If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!

First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.

(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.

Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.

Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.

Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.

Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:

Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:

The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.

Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:

Winning the World Cup

Winning the World Cup with Nagi

Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake

Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own

Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker

Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.

After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.

He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!

Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!

He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)

I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.

Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.

Unstable or Changing Relationships:

The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.

The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.

Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:

Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.

When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.

These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.

It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).

In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:

Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.

That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:

Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:

I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."

Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:

In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.

Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.

He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.

Fear of Abandonment:

Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:

The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-

Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.

Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?

Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.

Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.

This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:

Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:

One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:

Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.

These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:

I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-

It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.

If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.

He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.

He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.

As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.

i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.

I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).

After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.

Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect

I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH

The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool

Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-

I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!

I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.

Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a

Closing Thoughts:

Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.

Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.

[iambilliejeanok]

How they react to seeing reader cry.

Fandoms: Naruto( Akatsuki) || Jujustu Kaisen|| Record of Ragnarok

Featured: Buddha, Itachi, Orochimaru, Geto, Kisame

FLUFF OVERLOAD

🩷Buddha 🩷

He absolutely CANNOT afford to have you shedding tears and not solve whatever problem you have immediately.

Whenever he sees those tears running down your cheeks he lovingly lifts up your chin with his fingers, wiping them away with his thumb before pressing a few kisses to your lips. “What’s the matter?”, he asks, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He really hates seeing you like this.

And he has many times before and will always be ready to fight the other gods for you. (Even though I genuinely don’t know what kind of mess you’re getting into to be stirring up gods and stuff) But since he is a god, which you don’t like to take advantage of, you try to keep things to yourself to not feel bad about the extra leg and a half you have in life. Since he loves you so much though, he will get to the bottom of this issue himself if it really comes down to it. If you’re struggling at work, with a project, family and friends or you’re not feeling well in general, he’s sure to immediately attend to those issues. But that’s only after he cuddles you to pieces.

He does show major signs of being clingy, so when your feeling upset he’s wrapped around you all day like a sweater, until he’s convinced that you’re well enough for him to leave you on your own and go sort out those issues. He’s like a personal hero. A very clingy one.

🩷Uchiha Itachi 🩷

He’s not as clingy as Buddha is, but when he does see you feeling upset enough to start crying, he will baby you to death. He turns into a koala and will literally wrap his arms around you and never let go. Not until he’s 100% certain you’re okay. And even then, he might spend some time being extra close to you just to make himself feel better.

He’s very susceptible to depression and when he sees you crying, it triggers a deep somberness inside of him that he can’t explain, and he starts overthinking, growing terribly paranoid about you getting hurt or being in any other kind of situation that would make you cry. He doesn’t tears, nor does he like the sound of crying, especially coming from you. So now you experience a season of clingy, overprotective, extra soft Itachi.

Even if you’re only upset in the moment and soon recover and get over whatever mad you cry, he still can’t help but linger around you for a week or two, taking many days off of work or finishing earlier than usual. He bathes with you, cooks each of your meals throughout the day, helps you get ready for bed and tucks you in at night. He will even treat you to a story while scratching your back before bed, and holds you tighter than usual, throughout the entire night.

You know he has some kind of a problem since his behavior is definitely not normal, but if it helps him in any way, you’ll always allow him to treat you like and you also try to reciprocate the treatment to help him snap out of it sooner rather than later.

🩷Orochimaru 🩷

He’s usually the reason as to why you cry to begin with, which at first, he pretends he doesn’t care, immediately turning around to walk away from you so he doesn’t have to watch you break down. But over time, he does take an interest in your feelings. He just feels guilty sometimes and doesn’t know how to approach you.

He knows you love to cuddle though, so he will try to use that during times like this and invite you to come and spend time with him while he works. He’ll rub your back and hold you close to him as he walks around his home and might even suggest going for walks around the large base hand in hand. He went as far as nurturing a garden with his own hands for you two to walk through whenever he upset you like this.

He doesn’t make you cry on purpose. It’s never his intention to begin with, but it happens and when it does, he kind of hates himself for a while. But he’ll never mention it and hides his guilt quite well. He loves it when you lay on his chest sometimes and he can rub your back, and slowly feel you begin to calm down.

Sometimes the poor man gets so frustrated over the sight of tears flooding your eyes, he’ll gently smoosh you into his chest and wrap his arms around you and just hold you, petting your head and rubbing your back while he tries to hush you. It’s only when it gets to this point that he’ll mumble and apology while he’s hugging you. He doesn’t mind standing with you like this until you finally calm down.

🩷Geto Suguru 🩷

He sees you crying and you’re surprised to see a warm smile plastered on his face. “Oh babe, it’s okay”, he chuckles, pulling you close against him to hug you. He’s so good at making the situation seem less dire than it actually is and prefers to distract you from your problems than talk about them.

He will address whatever cause those tears to begin with at later stage, but tries to focus on getting you passed your balling. Sometimes he’ll pick you up and rub your back while you wrap your limps around him and cry into his shoulder. He coos at you and baby talks you while he rocks you in his arms.

After endless kisses against your forehead while he cradles you in his arms, the moment he feels like your breakdown is over, he’ll tickle you. He tickles you until you’re breathless with laughter and have long forgotten to cry. You can only run away from him, and you try your best to wriggle out of his hold, and then he’s after you and the chase builds up adrenaline inside of you that totally distracts you from whatever made you cry.

You end up having to play fight him until there’s a winner, which he freely gives over to you. Once’s it’s been established that you’ve won, he’ll reward you with taking you out to your favorite place and doesn’t mind stopping to get some popsicles with you. He’s a total sucker for you when he tries to make you feel better and will even let you ride his dragon with him, the two of you flying over the nearby ocean, laying on your backs ontop of rainbow dragon, enjoying the wind brushing against your skin while you suck on your popsicle.

It’s during peaceful moments like this that he’ll finally ask you why you were so upset and now you can tell him without feeling too depressed about it.

🩷 Kisame 🩷

He’s not good with tears. He doesn’t know what to do whenever you cry and will quietly separate himself from you when he sees you getting emotional. It’s never with negative intentions, it’s just very awkward for him. What does he say? What should he do? He’s never really seen an example of how to approach the situation.

I mean at least he understands that you’re clearly having a hard time, so he will try and get as many chores out of the way as possible and will work extra hard to ensure that you don’t have to do a single thing around the house. He does grow very quiet though and won’t say much when he does find himself within your vicinity.

If you ask him to shower with you or do anything for you, he will of course. And he heavily relies on instruction during this time or else he’ll just excuse himself. If you’re having an episode and he notices you’re crying almost everyday, he becomes a bit scarce and when he’s away from you he’s constantly stressed out. He really doesn’t know what to do. He’ll humbly ask another member of the org for advice when it gets that bad, and will only come home at night to tidy up the entire house to make sure you’re chore-less the next day.

It’s only when you vent to him with tears in your eyes about why he’s avoiding you does the thought come to him like a lightbulb that he should probably spend more time holding you. He’s trying his best though I mean his traumatizing past is all he got sometimes. But he kind of likes it when you cling to him and your crying goes from making him nervous, to making him feel needed and protective.

[alexanderwales]

Fake Hard Magic

Here's the beginner's distinction between hard magic and soft magic, just to set up some terms.

Hard magic systems have well-defined rules, limitations, and costs. They operate almost like a science, with consistent and predictable outcomes.

Soft magic systems, in contrast, maintain a sense of wonder and mystery. The rules are deliberately kept vague or unexplained, and magic often feels more mysterious and unpredictable.

One of the problems I've always had with this is this question: from whose perspective?

Fake hard magic comes when the magic "has rules" and "has limitations" within the logic of the story's world, but these rules aren't explained to the reader. The wizard has the aesthetic of science, he uses rulers and graphs, to him this is a science. But everything the wizard says must be taken for granted, because nothing that's said will ever help the reader to understand what's actually going on. It's "hard magic" on the character's level, but not the reader's.

Here's my chart!

Systemic magic is the type of hard magic that I would put the typical Brandon Sanderson story under. It's known to both character and reader, the rules are laid out and inform the plot, the reader can extrapolate from the rules, etc. Most "true" hard magic systems go here. There's a weaker version of this, where we have narrative rules, which I guess I would also put in this category. If we know that magic can start fires that burn plants, and this is set up such that in the climax someone does this, it's technically here, even if no mechanisms for how fire starts are related. There is a narrative expectation that sets up a narrative execution. The character knows, the reader knows, even if this is a single example of what's supposed to be a larger, more complex system.

Soft and "fake hard" are grouped together, and in practice this is just a matter of set dressing. I contend that a magic system does not become a hard magic system just because a wizard is wearing a lab coat and everyone in the story is treating the magic with science words and ISO standards.

Wild magic isn't quite right for its quadrant, but it's a variety of "soft magic" that no one in the story is pretending to understand, which does not follow concrete rules, and which comes and goes from the story on its own whims, usually to punctuate a point rather than to drive or resolve the plot. Quite a bit of magical realism belongs here.

Ironic magic is, as far as I know, theoretical. The reader understands the magic systems and the rules that it operates under, but the characters do not. I cannot recall seeing this, I do not think it has been directly named by anyone, but it's definitely a form of literary irony.

As simple as this is, there's a third viewpoint, which would make this into a three-dimensional grid: the author. It's very possible that the author has a written out comprehensive system, which the reader is just never privy to, and this is a slight wrinkle, but not a major one. Functionally, it's the same to the reader, unless they can point out some glaring contradictions in the text. Also, this would imply the existence of octants where the author is clueless but the reader knows what's happening, and ... I doubt there's a way for that to happen, unless you mean that readers construct a working system in the wake of what the author has written.

[autumnhortsnort]

Hello coauthor! A Residuum reader here. One thing I really like about your comic is how the consequences of the characters' actions feel so plausible, but what stands out to me the most is the pacing in how they're presented throughout the story. Do you have any tips for structuring a plot? Every time I try to outline mine, it feels a bit incoherent, and the scenes don’t seem to flow well together. I’d appreciate any advice 🐢

best advice? Write the whole outline down as much and as far as you can, doesn't matter if it makes sense, that's for editing you to figure out. Then edit the ever-loving daylights out of it, add in connecting actions, and take out things that don't work. Residuum has had Five different drafts, with major tweaking as we go. The outline is not set in stone.

Also don’t share it outside of friends, that can make you feel pressured to stick to (the previous plot) even when it doesn’t work for how your story has progressed. There’s a reason we didn’t share any of the potential endings when we were still trying to figure out where the story was going. When the first arc was being posted we had an idea of the plot til about halfway through arc 4, but we didn’t actually have a concrete ending.

how we structure a plot (and do pacing)

Write out your main plot points and then write what the characters need to do to make that event happen. We basically do the plot mountain structure, but for each arc (there are 4 of them) we tend to make the climax of each arc into turning points or decisions that the main characters have to make that they cannot undo. here's a good article to read about structuring plots. (Note! This is for the broad spanning major plot beats, each update actually gets written as needed, they aren't written into the outline.)

When it comes to character decisions it’s more about, “what would make the character do this?” rather than, “would the character do this?” You can make characters do things they normally wouldn’t if you give them the right incentive.

For the pacing with residuum, because it’s serialized, we try to have something progress with each update. Either you learn something new, the plot has progressed (aka the status quo has changed), or there's set up/foreshadowing for later, most updates actually have all three. When writing in a serialized format (each chapter getting its own release) it’s a good idea to treat each update as a complete chunk. Try asking yourself: what is the goal for this part? are you using this update for anything actually important? are you conveying anything new and/or important to the plot? Is this something you want to focus on? Are you writing this to meet audience expectations or because you want to? There are parts where residuum gets almost no interaction but, importantly, those parts still meet our individual update rules. If you're writing for audience engagement you are going to get discouraged from writing long spanning plots very quickly. The audience doesn’t know whats coming, so they won’t interact with anything that doesn’t have their current blorbo™, even if it’s plot important.

for how we make the consequences make sense

Make things make logical sense? honestly i don't what to tell you.

We read. a. lot. I used to read 400 books over a school year, beaze has read about 13.6K fanfics on Ao3 over the course of 4 years. plus a ton of manhwa and manga, and that doesn’t include nonfiction, stuff from sites outside of Ao3, course assigned books, reddit fiction, royal road. Most of how we understand and structure plots is instinctual because we fire hosed our brains with them for years.

I'd recommend watching watching Overly Sarcastic Production’s Trope Talks, and reading stuff that's not rise related, as well as researching nonfiction stuff that's relevant to what you want to write we are at a place where we aren’t writing the outline anymore, just editing it if needed. We use the outline structure to make each update because it gives us a objective for the update, and gives us a road map for when to place the set up for future updates. But if you struggle to use outlines you can just… not use them. Garden writing is a valid writing strategy, I use it for one shot AU’s of residuum.

For long spanning stories written garden style the first draft can be your outline. Just edit and flesh it out once you’ve written it.

[sansaorgana]

Hello love! I simply adore your writing and I was wondering if I could get a Gale Cleven x reader who's dealing with infertility? Probably something angsty? If not, that's totally fine. I'm just having a bit of a rough day :/

hi, sweetheart! 🥺 I'm sorry that you're having a rough day... I am trying to write these stories chronologically but I decided to write this one today so you don't have to wait too long 😊 btw I know that we treat Buck as a fictional character here but as far as I am concerned, real Buck Cleven never had children – at least I've never seen them mentioned anywhere like Bucky's daughters or Crosby's kids 🤔

my inbox is open for blurb/short fic requests for major cleven 🤗

You didn’t want to go there at all but you knew that you should leave the house finally for your own mental health. Buck was looking worried about you, too, and you wanted to show him that you were slowly getting better after your last miscarriage. But the truth was that some part of you was dying with each one of them.

For the first time it had been sad but not devastating yet – it was common to happen after all. Second time had started to make you worry. Third and fourth had only been a confirmation of your fear – you wouldn’t give your husband a child and you wouldn’t become a mother unless someone comes up with a magical cure.

Your best friend Eva was the only person who had known about it and she was as worried as Buck was. When one of your and Eva’s friends, Nancy, had decided to throw a tea party, Eva insisted on taking you there. So you dressed up and let her take you in her car as Buck watched from the window with a faint smile.

Eva was an independent woman. After her husband’s death in the war she decided not to marry again. She got her own car and managed most things on her own. She was a wild and free spirit and she never wanted to have children so as much as you appreciated her effort to help you – you knew that she would never fully understand your struggle.

The tea party took place at Nancy’s house. There were a few other women and you all sat by the table and sipped on the warm beverage from the china set Nancy had gotten for her wedding. She looked excited and her eyes were sparkling all the time as she was smiling widely. Eventually, you found out the reason behind that.

“So, I wanted you all to come here because… Because I have something to tell you, girls,” she giggled and all the women looked at her, curiously.

You felt a knot forming in your stomach. You already felt what it was.

“I’m pregnant!” She announced and everyone cheered. You did too, forcing a smile. Eva’s hand found yours under the table and squeezed yours to show you a silent support.

You felt tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You got angry at Eva for convincing you to come here but it wasn’t her fault after all, she couldn’t know… You looked around and realised that all other women in the room had children already or were pregnant. Except for you and Eva but she didn’t count since she didn’t want to become a mother anyway.

But the worst hadn’t happened yet.

“Now it’s (Y/N)’s turn,” Nancy smiled at you and you put the cup down with a shaky hand.

“Stop pushing her,” Eva reacted immediately.

“Don’t be like this, Eva. You hope she will never be a mother so you won’t be alone in this,” Nancy’s sister, Hannah, snapped at her.

“We don’t really think about having children, Buck and I,” you smiled nervously and the women looked at each other.

“My husband didn’t want them either but I convinced him,” Janis grinned at you, thinking that her words were in any way helpful.

“We just don’t…” you started and your voice broke. Eva jumped in the conversation quickly.

“Stop pushing her!” She insisted angrily.

“I’m only saying, he can wait but she cannot,” Nancy shrugged her arms.

You didn’t want to make a scene and leave after that so you only pretended to be more interested with the piece of cake on your plate although swallowing it was extremely difficult with a gulp in your throat. You waited about half an hour before nodding at Eva discreetly.

“It’s time for us,” she stood up and grabbed her purse. “I promised Buck to take her back home by eight.”

“These officers, they are all about discipline,” you chuckled while excusing yourself and picked your purse up as well. “Can’t have my Major waiting too long.”

You left the house as fast as possible and waited for Eva by her car.

“I’m sorry, darling,” she told you when she finally joined you. “I had no idea.”

“Let’s not… Let’s not talk about it, alright?” You sniffed back the tears and she nodded, furrowing her eyebrows at you but respecting your wish to stay silent.

In fact, you both remained silent for the whole ride home and she only kissed your cheek when she parked by your lawn and you jumped out of the car to go back inside and hide from the world.

Buck was in the living room, crouching down next to the TV set with a screwdriver in his hand as he worked on some adjustments. You smiled through the tears and leaned on the wall, shyly.

“You’re back already?” He mumbled without looking up.

“Yeah, it was no fun,” you answered. “What are you on about again, Buck?”

“The signal keeps being bad, I can fix that, I think,” he explained.

“Just don’t hurt yourself and, most importantly, don’t break the TV,” you sighed, trying to be in a playful and teasing mood but it was difficult, especially while seeing him – the man you loved… whom you couldn’t give a child.

You burst into tears all of sudden and Buck looked up, worryingly.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” He put the screwdriver down and approached you as quickly as possible to put his hands on your shoulders.

“Nancy… She… She’s pregnant,” you told him and he sighed before pulling you closer and pressing your face to his chest.

“I’m sorry, darling…” He rubbed your back, not knowing what to say.

“And she asked about us not having a baby of our own…” You tugged on his shirt.

“That is none of that woman’s business why we don’t have a baby of our own,” you heard Buck’s voice getting more stern and angry.

“I know… I told her we don’t want babies… I didn’t know what else to say…” You explained.

“It’s alright,” he shushed you and kissed the top of your head.

“No, it’s not…” You looked up with your wet eyes and makeup running down your face. You could see the pain on his face from witnessing you this way and you hated to bring him sadness, too, but you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “She said you have time but I am running out of it.”

Buck’s jaw clenched at the words. He hated when anyone was hurting you either with words or actions – no matter if it was a man or woman.

“Nancy’s never been a bright girl, you know that, baby?” He cupped your wet cheeks and leaned in closer to your face. You nodded, unsurely. “Girls like her only care about keeping a husband at home and showing off in town.”

“But I care about keeping a husband, too,” you gasped.

Buck sighed and shook his head, looking for the right words.

“Come here, baby,” he lowered his hands to hold yours as he led you on the sofa and sat you on his lap. You threw your arms around his neck and he pulled you closer by your hip and thigh. “How many times do I have to tell you, sweetheart, that you’re all I want? Only you,” he pecked your lips softly. “You make me the happiest already. Having a baby with you would be only an addition, it’s already perfect the way it is. If we have a baby, I’ll be happy. But if we don’t, I’ll be just as much satisfied,” he explained to you. “And I won’t let anyone say bad things about my beautiful and wonderful wife.”

“Buck…” Your lower lips trembled. “It brings me comfort to know you don’t really care about it but…”

“It’s not that I don’t care. Don’t say that,” he interrupted you. “I care.”

“I know, I’m sorry… But I want this baby. I want to have a baby with you more than anything in the world. I am glad you’ll be as happy without it but I don’t think I will be…” You looked down, ashamed of your confession.

Buck stayed silent for a while, caressing you and keeping you close as he rested his chin on your head and sighed.

“I know, my sweet girl, you just want a baby to love and take care of, right?”

“Yes…” You nodded. “And… And I hate how jealous I get when I see other women with babies or being pregnant. It brings the worst out of me and I don’t like this version of me.”

“Shh, hey, love, there are lots of babies out there who want a mummy to love them and take care of them just as much, you know?” He asked in a soft whisper and you looked up at him.

“What are you suggesting? That we should adopt?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Only if you want to,” he nodded and raised his hand to caress your head gently. “I want you to be happy, darling. That’s all I want, nothing else. I hate to see you so sad all the time,” he confessed and smiled sadly.

“It would be lovely to adopt a baby but I’m scared it won’t be the same… Because I want to have your baby, Gale… Ours,” you fixed yourself.

“You know that I’d do everything to make your dream come true, I really would. But some things… They’re just impossible to happen sometimes, you know that, baby?” Buck kissed your forehead. “We can keep trying and trying but it kills me to see you getting even sadder each time it happens.”

You only hummed to yourself and squeezed him tighter. A decision to adopt a baby couldn’t be made in the heat of the moment, you had to think about it more thoroughly. But your husband had a point. You also hated to make him worried so much about you and the fact that he himself would be as happy without having a child with you was bringing you lots of comfort. It would be way worse if he wanted this baby more than anything else.

“I have to heal after the recent loss first,” you whispered to him after a while, “and then we’ll talk about it again, how about that?”

“Sounds about right,” Buck caressed your cheeks with his thumbs and leaned in to place a soft kiss on your lips.

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

[deadbydangit]

Hii♡ I wanted to request a story with Doctor, Knight, Deathslinger, Oni, and Clown. Where the reader gets a rock thrown at them by another survivor, and it hits them in the head, making them pass out. Thank you in advance ☆

I believe I can do this. I'm going to simplify it a bit so it's a reader who got hurt. Since my limit is three I'm going to pick three of them. I hope you enjoy. Thank you.

When Their Reader S/O Gets Hurt

Deathslinger, Doctor, Knight

Deathslinger

Caleb loves you dearly.

And he'll tell you that everyday.

You're his greatest treasure.

And he wants you to know that you can rely on him.

But he also wants to make sure you aren't overly reliant on him.

Don't get him wrong! He'll always be there for you.

But he doesn't want you to become too dependent.

"What if somethin' were ta happen and I wasn't around darlin'?"

He wants to know that you're able to fend for yourself if need be.

So, if you fall and get hurt don't expect them to run up to you and coddle you.

Unless you're seriously injured, Caleb expects self-dependency from you.

You're an adult, you know how to take care of yourself.

He can't see himself with someone who's overly needy or overdramatic.

The table is completely turn if somebody is hurting you though.

If it's someone he thinks you can handle by yourself, he'll stand back but be on guard.

Heck, he'll be super proud if you knock that person out.

"He's all bark and no bite. Ya show em' darlin'"

Full on cheering you on from the sidelines.

If it's someone he knows for a fact you can't handle, he'll step in.

Caleb's a smart man, he knows you can't take on someone like Micheal or Kazan on your own.

He has his spear gun pointed in their face the moment they lay a hand on you.

"Ya think about this. Ya lay a hand on them and I'll shoot this here gun so far down your throat you won't know what hit ya."

"Now get."

He can be very intimidating when he wants to be.

And he wants to be intimidating for you. Because he would never want anything to happen to you.

Doctor

Herman can be detached from situations at times.

Very rarely is he out with you.

He spends the majority of his time in his lab or in trials.

He never considered the possibility of someone hurting you.

One, because he's too busy with his latest experiment or torture.

Two, because he sees you as such a nice and wholesome person that hurting you is out of the question.

Anyone who's willing to love him is either insane or an angel.

And he knows you're not insane. He's tested it.

So when you came to his lab all beat up, he was beyond shocked.

Like, at a loss for words shocked.

He's not crying, but it almost looks like he might.

He feels incredibly guilty and stupid for not being there for you.

And for thinking the beasts of the realm would be able to appreciate someone like you.

This will send him into an unbelievable spiral of rage.

Sparks will literally be radiating off of him because he is so angry.

He'll patch you up the best he can, then leave without another word.

Herman will be back in about an hour or so with said person who hurt you.

Well, at least with their head and maybe several other limbs.

He won't tell you what he did. Just assuming isn't pleasant.

He will give you the head as a get well soon gift, because he thinks that makes everything better.

He might be a genius but he has the emotional intelligence of a goldfish.

But you can't deny the gesture (albeit gruesome) is sweet.

And he'd only do it for you.

Knight

He's the complete opposite of the others.

He will be doting on you like royalty.

Because, to him, you are.

You're Tarhos' sweet prince/princess.

And you will be treated as such.

He frequently calls you my lord/lady.

It doesn't matter if you're actually royalty or not. He's intent on making you feel as if you were.

Did you fall and get hurt?

"Foolish prince/princess."

He laughing.

But he is concerned.

"Shall I carry you?"

Even if you say no, he's going to pick you up.

"What is a knight if he cannot protect his lord/lady?"

"Allow me."

It's almost smothering.

If you want to take care of things yourself, you'll really have to prime him for that.

He isn't used to not serving someone.

Someone laid a hand on you?

How dare they!

"They shall pay for their insolence."

He may seem cold and callous at times.

But he's extremely protective over what is his.

And you're his.

And no one dares mess with what is his.

"I shall avenge you. I shall not allow those heathens to dishonor you and your name."

If you tell him it's not worth it he'll dismiss your claims.

"Nonsense. Anyone who is foolish enough to lay a hand on you must be punished severely."

If you keep telling him no he'll stay.

But you best believe his men are on that person when your back is turned.

And that person will never mess with you again.

Tarhos will see to it.

[cinnabutcringy]

vertin and her relationships with others

hoo boy this one is gonna be a long one; i've barely really interacted with the fandom so admittedly if people have been talking about this, i might not really know! feel free to engage with this conversation however you'd like. this will also not be very structured, i am a pure yapper, a pure rambler at heart.

[ spoilers for the main story but specifically the first 4 chapters, i know i'll probably mention at least ONE major spoiler; also just as a cursory warning i will be talking about vertin-related ships in this one if that for some reason puts you off ]

so this has been in my mind for quite a while; again, as i don't engage a lot in fandom content (i am extremely nervous about joining discords despite wanting to and general fandom experiences make me wary but anyway) i'm sure there are people who have talked about this or think about it and i'm just not around to see it

before i TRULY begin, i just want to state: THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HATE TOWARDS VERTIN SHIPS, PARTICULARLY THE WLW ONES.

i understand how important this game's sapphics are to people and i'm not trying to say you cannot ship sonetto with vertin or schneider with vertin, but i think that fandom culture as a whole is incredibly ship-reliant/ship-focused and in my opinion that tends to take away from the nuance of certain media/characters, and i just want to see if other people also share my thoughts but haven't voiced them or whatever.

anyway, to start this post out: i do not think vertin is capable of forming truly deep bonds and relationships with people. romantic or otherwise. at least, not right now.

while vertin isn't entirely separated from her friends and allies, i think it's pretty evident that on some level, she puts up walls between herself and other people. vertin as a character is extremely composed, reliable and overall a trustworthy leader. and she's not entirely aloof, she has her quirks and interactions to show for it

but the fact remains that i think vertin, ever since witnessing the "storm" at such a young age, has put up walls between her and others just enough to where she can assume her responsibilities without letting her relationships stop her outright.

what i mean is basically, vertin allows herself to get close to people to an extent, but there's always a bit of distance between her and especially the people she's known for years. she never read as someone who gets particularly chummy with other people and i assume it's both because she feels obligated to carry out her duty, and because ever since the first "storm" she witnessed, she's felt it incapable to get too close to people because she felt it was her fault.

the close bonds she had with those at a young age made it all the more painful when she witnesses what the "storm" is truly capable of. i think it's reasonable to say that because of this, she's hesitant to truly let herself express this closeness to other people.

this post was originally going to be focused on vertin and schneider's dynamic, because to me it's the one that is both the least developed and just makes the least sense, but honestly? ironically that'd also be focusing too much on the ship in my opinion. plus, it's not just schneider, it's sonetto. it's mesmer. it's matilda. it's practically everyone she's met in her life.

schneider is just the easiest example to me because (and, this could just be because of the pacing of the early chapters, who knows) vertin never truly had an opportunity to get to know her. vertin knows her backstory, vertin knows her personality, and vertin ultimately knows that schneider will not be forgotten. but that doesn't mean vertin is in love with schneider.

on the contrary, i think she has empathy and care for her, but i think schneider is more infatuated with vertin and the genuine kindness she was shown. vertin on the other hand treated schneider like she treats everyone else: with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

the kiss scene i think kind of gave people a preconceived notion about vertin or at least, people used her reaction as fuel without considering anything else. (personally if schneider kissed ME like that i think i'd be just as shocked but COUGHS thats just me)

another example with a character basically outright stated to be in love with vertin is sonetto; i think that vertin has or at least had feelings for sonetto too, but she drowns them out because of the reasons stated before. with sonetto i actually think there's even more layers to how she feels seeing as she knew sonetto since they were kids, and sonetto got to see vertin change in real time in response to the experience she had. though analyzing specific ship dynamics in this post too much will take away from the vertin analysis so i'll probably leave that for another discussion.

i think vertin's sense of responsibility and duty ultimately mixes a lot with her trauma and makes it harder for her to prioritize herself and whatever feelings she may have for people; she can't risk getting too close, because if she does, she may lose the ability to do her job and i think being the timekeeper is something that matters deeply to her.

in conclusion, i think vertin is a very complex character. i mean, duh. this post wouldn't exist if i didn't think that. she's been deeply wounded and is trying to avoid that wound being constantly reopened because of her own habits (getting close to her allies, letting her guard down too much) and i think as a result she ends up putting up walls when she feels she's probably getting too close to someone.

obviously this is the sort of post i'd want discussion to form around, so if anyone thinks i'm wrong or there's some sort of objective evidence anyone wants to share i'm happy to engage. clasps hands Let's Discuss.

[yandereforme]

(I’m going to assume these two asks are together. )

OK, so the only way I can see them getting close to injuring you is if they were fighting with someone and accidentally hurt you. They are not gonna let you be a vigilante, and probably would not train you at all.

Dick goes full-blown shut down mode. He will mother hen you to the extreme, but he will be like a shell of himself. How could he hurt his little sibling, his little star? You’re not going to get much alone time, but if you start flinching around him, he’s going to freak out and probably have a panic attack. Best thing you can do to calm him down, is let him help you with everything, and avoid mentioning your injury. If you say you forgive him, though, that will only make him obsess over you more, and feel more guilty. His sweet little sibling forgave him so quickly, he didn’t deserve you.

Jason will vanish. Like straight up gone for a month sort of thing. He will freak out about hurting you and will not come around you for a while. Only once you are healed up. That does not mean he doesn’t stay around the Manor though. In fact, he is more vigilant than ever about any threats towards you.(when you start healing up, Jason might sneak into your room and watch you sleep, reassuring himself, that you’re going to be OK. He is not like Willis.) there are one of two ways. I can see him coming back. Either you get in trouble and he saves you, or he finds out that you miss him. Either way, after he comes back, he will be treating you with more fragility then before and will let you get away with anything,  though he definitely won’t give you as much freedom outside, too worried about you getting hurt again. You just need to ride it out, and make sure he knows that you don’t blame him for anything.

Tim will shut down in the beginning. He will freak out about it and after getting you to Alfred, he will shut down and hit on himself for a while. Eventually, though, his mind will twist it, so that he will believe you hurt yourself, or one of the others hurt you. He cannot except the fact that he hurt you. If anyone brings it up ever again, which Damian probably will, he will simply act as if it did not happen, or start having another breakdown. Best thing you can do is go along with his delusion and let him help you.

Damian will go one of two ways. One, if he was fighting with someone else at the time, he will blame it on them, and not let them see you. He will be more protective than ever and what little time yet to yourself will be gone. The other option is complete and utter shut down. He will go into a similar state that you were in, depression, that will make him bad. Any side of your injury will make him worse, but if he goes to long without seeing you, he will be worse than ever. As long as you can blame someone else, he will be able to keep going, so your best bet for making things run smoothly, is telling him that it wasn’t his fault, or making him believe he’s protecting you.

Bruce is very similar to Jason, but worse guilt. Bruce is aware that he’s been a bad father, but hurting you will send him over the edge, especially with a major injury. He will go into an arc similar to what he did after Jason’s death, though not as bad for the criminals. He will be reckless and avoid you for a long time. Alfred will have to manipulate him into talking to you again, and he will be awkward and scared to be around you. He has a lot of trauma around his loved ones dying, and you getting badly hurt by him? Your best bet is to ride it out, keep your siblings from mutinying on him, make sure they all know you miss Bruce, and working with Alfred to get him better( you going to Bruce and asking for a bed time story will help your relationship with him though.)