#their position is confusing in itself. 'how the situation should be' is hard to predict. more so when in context of others

[imblocking-you]

This is kinda surprising, most other manhwas actually emphasize that despite the absolute power whoever is on the throne still bows to criticism and they lose power the more that the people do not trust their decision and that their power is still tied with the nobility and the state of high society that surrounds it.

[vague-in-vegas]

Day twelve - Dry Humping

Ship: Hoffman x Strahm

Additional tags: Coffin sex, hate sex, dry humping, Strahm lives

Words: 1,523

Ao3 link

Strahm knew he could breathe. There were holes in the glass coffin and oxygen passed through them, although he knew the coffin itself wasn't built for two people. They were pressed against each other, less than two inches between Strahm’s back and the coffin lid. That was part of why he felt like he couldn't breathe, despite the air. 

His head was spinning as he tried to keep up with what was happening. Hoffman saved him. That was confusing enough to begin with, but he settled on an explanation quickly. Hoffman simply liked toying with him too much to let him die, he reasoned. Maybe it was a way to manipulate him? Hoffman could pretend he was owed something for saving Strahm. 

“Stop squirming around,” Hoffman snapped, breaking Strahm out of his thoughts. 

“It's not like I can help it,” Strahm replied, voice equally sharp. “Anyone would squirm around if they had to be this close to you.” 

“You never stop whining,” Hoffman rolled his eyes and if they had a bit more room, Strahm would have punched him. 

“And you never stop being a dick,” Strahm grumbled back, taking a deep breath in hopes of calming down. 

He reasoned that working himself up would only make the situation worse. He had no idea how long they might be stuck like this. Hopefully it wouldn't be too unbearable. If he tried, he could convince himself that the pressure was actually relaxing. In another situation, being this close could be pleasant. Hoffman kept his guard up, though. There was only so guarded he could be while pressed into Hoffman's chest. 

“You're the one that's hard against my thigh. I can't be that awful,” A snorted out laugh escaped Hoffman, reigniting the urge to punch him. 

“Don't flatter yourself,” Strahm dismissed quickly, trying to put a bit of space between them unsuccessfully. “It's a normal reaction to being this close to someone. My dick doesn't know I hate you.” 

There was a pause of silence that left a bad feeling coiling in Strahm’s stomach. Hoffman usually wasn't quite unless he was planning something. There was only so much he could do in their current position. He found out he really didn't like not knowing what to expect from Hoffman. 

He wasn't kept in the dark for very long, though. It only took a few moments for Hoffman to press his thigh forward. Strahm jolted at the contact, expecting pain to follow, but it never did. Honestly, he would have preferred if it did hurt. That would've been far less confusing than this. He liked it better when Hoffman was predictable. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Strahm knew his voice didn't come out nearly as intimidating as he wanted it to. 

He wasn't nearly as disgusted as he should be. The idea of it shouldn't appeal to him at all. Yet, he found himself considering it. Hoffman's smug smirk very nearly made him think better of it. 

“Who else would know?” Hoffman asked and Strahm hated to admit he had a point. 

No one else would ever have to know. Even if Hoffman tried to tell someone, who would believe him? Only they would know what actually happened. That was bad enough, but it was something he could put up with.

“Don't speak,” Strahm told him after a moment of consideration. “Don't say a word,” This would be a lot easier if Hoffman stayed quiet. 

“As you wish,” Hoffman agreed, although Strahm could tell he didn't truly want to. 

He had his doubts Hoffman would actually keep his comments to himself, but he took him at his word. Strahm's body shifted to get more comfortable and his cheeks burned a light pink. It all felt awkward, reminding him of being a teenager and being uncertain about what he was doing. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a long time, one he'd thought he was far too old for.

Shame bubbled up in his throat like bile and he tried to ignore it. At this point, he was in too far to back out and it wouldn't matter even if he did. They'd already passed countless boundaries. They had crossed that line the second Strahm intentionally pressed himself against Hoffman's thigh. 

One of Hoffman's hands found its way to the back of Strahm's neck. The action was surprisingly gentle and it put Strahm on edge again. Fingers rubbed softly at the hair near the make of his neck and he kept expecting them to tighten suddenly. Strahm took the opportunity to press his face into Hoffman's shoulder, finding it much easier to relax when he didn't have to look at Hoffman directly. 

Strahm let out a shaky breath as he rubbed himself against Hoffman's thigh. He was warm and solid, and Strahm found it far too easy to just enjoy the feeling. His hands slid to Hoffman's sides, pressing beneath his jacket to cling to the fabric of his shirt. Jolts of pleasure shot through him, pressing into Hoffman a bit harder. God, it really had been too long. 

He bit back a soft moan and buried his face deeper into Hoffman's shoulder. He truly did feel like a teenager again, rutting against someone like it was the best thing in the world. He found a good pace, grinding up and down in long, slow strokes. It wasn't as desperate as he used to be, but he couldn't remember ever feeling so needy before. 

“There you go,” Hoffman murmured and Strahm's eyebrows furrowed. 

“Shut up,” He insisted through gritted teeth, fingers tightening in Hoffman's shirt. 

Hoffman had the nerve to shush him. Strahm wanted to pull away, but Hoffman's free hand moved to hold his hip. He pulled him closer, increasing the friction. Strahm's protest died in his throat, melting into a low whine. 

Strahm's thighs tightened around Hoffman's leg, eyes squeezing shut. The friction was a bit unbearable, too rough and making him too sensitive, but the edge of pain made it better. It also made it hard to pretend it wasn't Hoffman; everything about it was so distinctly him. 

Strahm pressed himself further against Hoffman, smiling as the man gasped when his legs brushed over his hardened cock. He adjusted his body to press into Hoffman now as well, giving both of them the stimulation they needed. A sense of pride filled him when Hoffman jerked against him. It made him feel better to know they were both falling apart. 

“Just like that?” Strahm murmured into his shirt, not able to fully keep the smugness out of his voice. 

“Yeah. Just like that,” Hoffman told him, moving to rest his forehead on Strahm's shoulder. 

He didn't sound as wrecked as Strahm felt yet, but Strahm thought he could get him there. His voice already shook, a bit rougher and more gravelly. It was far more attractive than it had any right to be. Strahm briefly considered rescinding the ‘no talking’ rule just to hear more of it. 

The first few movements against each other were awkward as they tried to find a rhythm that worked for them. Neither seemed to truly mind, though. Strahm knew he certainly didn't. The motions finally found their page and both moaned at the first nearly perfect movement. 

“Fuck,” Strahm said quietly. 

Their hands grasped harder at each other, pulling them as close as possible. Despite being locked in a coffin together, Strahm didn't think they could ever get close enough to the other. They were near enough to it, chests pressed flat together and their legs tangled up. Hoffman's head turned a bit, nosing against the side of Strahm's throat, breath hot as it hit his neck. 

Strahm didn't know how long they stayed like that, lost in the sound of their ragged breathing and the feeling of rutting into each other. It must have been a while, though. The coffin grew hot and stuffy, hard to breathe in. Strahm's body was overheating, sweat causing his scalp to itch and his shirt to stick to his back. 

Hoffman's fingers began to hurt from how tightly he was holding Strahm's hip. He wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises there tomorrow. A fucked up part of Strahm hoped there would be. 

“I'm not going to last long,” Hoffman warned, voice strained and tight. 

“Me neither,” Strahm reassured. 

Strahm was the first to lose it, falling apart in Hoffman's hands. His teeth sank into Hoffman's shoulder, digging into mostly fabric instead of skin. He wished he had better access to it, wanting to watch a bruise forming from his teeth. 

Hoffman wasn't very far behind. Less than a few minutes after, Hoffman let out a broken off moan and shuddered against Strahm. He sounded so gorgeous and Strahm knew that sound was going to be burned into his mind forever. His arms curled further around Hoffman's waist, holding him close. 

“Should we talk about it?” Hoffman murmured out after they'd both caught their breath, still holding onto each other. 

“No,” Strahm said quickly and Hoffman nodded against him, though neither moved to let go of the other. 

[iceprincessviviane]

Whispers in the darkness

Paring: Yandere!C!Technoblade x BookwormEnchanter!Female!Reader

Type: Romantic (Technoblade is yandere) Trilogy - part two. (Previous part, next part)

Warnings: swearing, possessivness, yandere, angst, injury, blood, threats, sugestive content, silly jokes created by me.

Summary: Technoblade is trying to convince and adjust Y/N to new situation and himself. Some time has passed, but troubles are showing.

Author's note: Continuation from part one. Insipration from ACOTAR. English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

Words in red colour are Technoblade's voices.

Words in blue colours are Y/N thoughts.

Three days have passed and Y/N felt better. She was almost lying in bed all day, but she started to fast recovery. All her energy was restored and she could left their room. Technoblade went at adventure in Nether, for some supplies. She slowly went downstairs, hearing the cooking sounds and humming. Of course Phil was standing in the kitchen, preparing something. They both froze for a while. Realization hit her harder, than she expected. He knew... he had to know. Winged man sighed and his shoulders dropped. As he thought, he didn't know what to do.

"I... I noticed that Techno has thing for you, I adviced him conversation or something... when he left two days ago for training I have never expected, that he will come back with you in his arms. I was shocked, afraid and confused." Phil explained slowly.

Y/N bit her lip and hugged herself. He was one of her the most trusted person here, aside with Foolish and Bench Trio.

"Listen, I was with Techno through a lot of shit. He is my friend and I will always be on his side, no matter what. I don't fully support... this kidnapping, but I am still with him." He continued, then took cups of tea and plate with sandwiches. "Hungry?"

Y/N nodded and sat down. He put everything on table and sat too. Everything looked like during her last visit. Phil was living in house in opposite combined with Techno's by bridge.

"So... you won't help me convince him to let me go, right?" She asked with saddness.

"Unfortunetly no. I am not going to be involved in stuff between you and him. But is it that bad? You are not missing anything, Techno is caring about you, here is safe and all the stuff you need." He looked at her.

"I used to be a free person, you know..."

"I am sure, that he will let you go on backyard. On attic, we can set up enchanting place with books and stuff. Sometimes Ranboo is visiting us." Phil was determined to show good sides of current situation.

He didn't want to be manipulative, but for everyone's greater good, was that she had to accept her fate. Technoblade could be rough, when it came to be obedient. He really acted diffrent, since he found his thing for her and now, when Y/N was there, he was calmer and more relaxed. If she would escape, he will for sure track her down and then, everyone which would help, will be in great danger. Technoblade wasn't leaving something behind. Probably whole Smp will be burning. Maybe it was selfish, but Phil didn't want any argues or wars for now. Y/N was eating quietly, thinking about his words. It wasn't that bad for sure. She expected being injured and thrown into cellar or something and actually they didn't even tie her.

"You are being serious with that enchanting place and yard?" She asked quietly.

Phil nodded and smiled to her gently. After eating he took her to the attic, where was some space and shelfes. Immediately her humor improved, they even started to talk about setting up enchanting place. Later this day, Phil left to his house and Y/N was reading on the couch, cover by the blanket, because days here were colder than in main Smp part. Technoblade managed to bring most of her personal stuff here including clothes. She was wearing warm sweater and pants, but still got closer to the fireplace, which was very nice in her opinion. Sun started to go down, she was thinking if Techno will come, Phil said that he sometimes made trips, which lasted days.

Sudden sound of opening door caused her to turned at it's direction. Piglin hybrid stepped inside and smiled to her warm.

"Hi darliIIIAAAAAA!" He screamed and dropped something.

Y/N frowned and stood up. Small ball of fur squeaked and immediately recognized it's owner, it asap ran to her and hid behind her.

"Snowflake!" She screamed and picked up her fox gently, then petted it's head softly.

"It bit me!" Techno growled and sucked his injured finger. "This had to be surprise..."

She sent him warm smile and again sat on the couch. Snowflake snuggle her head into Y/N's chest, she hugged her back.

"Thank you for bringing her here..." She looked at him softly. "It mean a lot to me..."

The Blade smiled proudly and came closer. Fox started to growl, when he approached. Y/N gently petted her.

"It's all right my little one. He isn't that scary as he seems in first take." She smiled at Techno.

After a few minutes small ball of fur calmed and accommodate itself on Y/N's lap and went to sleep. Technoblade quietly sat on couch and looked at them curiously.

"Do you know that I am scary, intimidating and grim huh?" He whispered.

Y/N rolled eyes and looked at him. "Of course I know. I experienced that few days ago."

Silence fell upon them, Technoblade didn't excatly know what to say, this whole situation shloud looked way diffrent, he just didn't predict this whole chase, althought is was fun.

'Make her forget about it.' 'She will understand.' 'Chase was interesting.'

"Phil showed me the attic and mentioned, that there we could make enchanting place. Is that true?" She asked quietly, looking deep into his eyes.

"Yes of course! It's all yours, you can make there your working place." He said and took her hand, then gently rub it with his thumb.

"Really?"

He nodded with honest smile. Y/N hugged him gently, watching out at fox. "Thank you. Also I need a basket and blanket for Snowflake..."

"This isn't a trouble princess."

}*{

Some days passed Y/N was busy with making her workplace. Technoblade helped her, Phil occasionaly showed, but didn't want to interrupt them both. They worked hard with wood, she made enchanting table, because he brought most of her supplies to cottage, being careful and avoided everyone. For now none was looking for her and Techno wished, that this would last the longest, no troubles, no worries, just him and Y/N happy.

Piglin hybrid also brought her notes and books, so Y/N could study again, she was so happy about it, finally could do something useful. When the attic was finally done, she went into their shared bedroom. Deep inside she was still hesitant, when it came to Technoblade, but decided to don't make him angry. Being in tundra wasn't so bad, but also wasn't a paradise. Yes, she was thinking how to get herself from this awkward situation, but hasn't find solution yet.

Immediately Snowflake get up from her basket and sniffed around. Y/N smiled softly, recently her fox was more curious and brave, even tried to play with Techno's fox named Aura.

"Let's go to outside for a while, we both need fresh air."

They went outside, Y/N took a deep breath. Fox immediately jump off and started to run through the snow. She covered herself more by cloak and sit near, watching cute ball of fur playing around. Fresh air let her relaxed more and clean up thoughts. Around were silence, hound was sleeping in special building, sometimes Steve was moving in snow, to find a good position. Around the fence slept more wolfes, guarding the exits. Y/N swallowed slowly, she wasn't able to go through. Unfortunately, Snowflake had another idea, fox fast ran away from yard, jumping in snow and spinning around.

"Snowflake!" Y/N stood up immediately and ran to her. "Come back!"

But little fox puppy didn't want to listen, it ran away even more far. Worrying owner didn't think too much, just found place, where dogs were away and jumped over the fence. One of them woke up and started to bark and howl. Snowflake put her ears back, came back into her owner's arms, curling up. She hugged her tightly.

"Don't do it again, you scared me..." she whispered quietly into it's fur.

Cold wind started to blow and Y/N heard the whole hound howling, it was terrifying. She turned back just to meet Technoblade standing intimidating with sword in his hand.

"Are you trying to escape?" He asked slowly observing her.

"What? No! Snowflake ran away, she got over the fence..." Y/N explained quietly.

"You really think, that I am going to belive in this?" He made one step further, she responed with one step back.

"I am not lying!"

"You better not be lying, because you won't like my punishment, my dear." Technoblade looked deep into her eyes. "If fox is causing troubles, maybe it should disappear?"

Y/N shook her head. "I promise, it won't happen again, please don't hurt her!" She had almost tears in her eyes.

Piglin hybrid nodded slowly and gave her his hand. She took it gently and together came back inside. Silence remained between them, Phil was in his house, busy with books. Y/N took Snowflake upstairs and put in the basket. Fox immediately curled up and went to sleep, she backed into kitchen. Technoblade waited with narrowed eyes, she swallowed hard.

"You broke a rule."

'She wanted to run away from us!' 'She deserve punishment!' 'We won't let her leave the house!'

"I know, but I just wanted to catch Snowflake! You really think, that I would escape without nothing, only in cloak?"

"No, but rule is a rule."

He moved closer, towering at her. Their eyes met, red and y/c. She saw there anger and disbelief, but she didn't do something bad. Technoblade gripped her chin once more, Y/N hissed, when she was forced to look at him.

"Listen Y/N. I really feel diffrent around you, calmer and stable, but that doesn't mean that my true nature disappeared." He said slowly.

"I know, I told you... Snowflake ran away, I just wanted to save her..." a single tear strimmed down at her cheek.

Piglin hybrid moved his hand to wip it out, then cupped her face. Atmosphere changed immediately. Maybe it was warm, which radiated from his body or this gentle touch, but somehow room became hotter. Red crawled at Y/N's cheeks and Technoblade sighed quietly. His thumb has been found on her down lip. Time has frozen, she was looking straight into his eyes, their gaze locked. She grabbed his wirst gently, but he didn't stop.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm admiring. Be quiet."

But when he leaned in and Y/N colsed eyes, pending what will come next, silence distrubed light grunt from the door. They immediately turned heads at this direction. Of course Phil was standing there with awkward face.

"I am assuming, that I am bothering you..."

"Yes." Technoblade's eyes narrowed.

"Of course not. Come in." Y/N said and left Techno's grasp with smile.

}*{

Phil stayed till late hours, they discussed some cases, she left them quite soon, because conversation bored her. Y/N started to work in attic, but when night has fallen, she moved to their bedroom and started to read book. Snowflake laid on her lap, so she could pet it's head slowly. Phil and Techno talked quietly, so it was immpossible to hear anything.

When the door opened, Y/N lifted her sight, piglin hybrid entered into the bedroom. His eyes narrowed, when he spotted cute, little ball of fur, but didn't say anything.

"Talking is over?"

Technoblade nodded and closed the door, she put away book. Snowflake jumped off bed and went straight into her basket, avoiding him at all cost. Y/N sighed quietly and stood up, Techno locked his sight on her posture.

"I am going to take bath. You can go to sleep, if you want."

He blocked her way out, she looked at him with surprise. In one heart beat Technoblade pinned her to the closest wall. Quiet 'welp' left her lips.

"We had a thing, before Phil naughty interrupted us." The Blade whispered with deep voice.

"Did we have?" Y/N asked while looking at him, she tried to act tough.

"Oh yes, we had my dear."

He put left hand on wall near her head and right hand gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. Their eyes met again, confidence faced uncertainty. His touch was more gentle, that she might expect.

"Let myself be clear. You will have to pay, for today's little bad behaviour."

"Wh-what do you mean?" She suttered.

"Let's say... if you don't want me to throw out this little, annoy ball of fur... you will have to kiss me." Technoblade said with deep voice.

Y/N looked at Snowflake peacefuly sleeping at basket and sighed helplessly.

"Do you promise? And never, ever again will threat her?"

"Yes. I always keep my word."

She nodded slowly, red crawled on her cheeks, cupped his face carefuly, hesitated for a moment. Y/N, closing eyes, gently pressed their lips together, in slow, shy kiss. She had to stand on her tiptoes, to reach Technoblade's lips. His hand moved at her waist and pulled her closer and he kissed her back in more confident way.

Y/N was so sweet and her lips so soft, like they were made for him. Piglin hybrid fast took control of the situation. Hand from her chin slipped on neck, to press their lips closer. Y/N made quiet moan, which caused his blood to boil. He smiled through a kiss.

'So good for us.' 'So sweet, so soft.' 'Don't stop, don't stop!'

Voices went feral, their demands and screamings filled his head, in one smooth move Technoblade grabbed her thighs and lifted Y/N up, without breaking the kiss. Now, she slipped hand into pink hair. He muttered with satisfaction, but then she broke away and opened eyes. The Blade snorted, greedy for touch, contact and pressed lips to her neck, kissing slowly.

"Techno!" Y/N winced and grabbed his shoulders.

"Relax princess." He whispered into her skin softly. "It's part of the punishment."

She blushed even at her ears, when he pressed few more kisses, then broke away too. They looked at each other in silence.

"Well, now I think, that it wasn't a punishment for you at all." Technoblade laughed slighty. She shook head with disbelief and helpless, then looked down.

"Oh, don't be so shy, I mean, I like it, but you don't need to be."

"Are you going to put me down?" Y/N asked with impatience.

"Maybe yes... maybe no." He hid head in her neck's crook.

In fact Technoblade just had to chill a little bit. His blood was still boiling, lips were touch starved and hands didn't want to let her go. After a few deep breaths, he gently put her on the floor.

"Thanks you." Y/N giggled softly.

"Go for this bath." The Blade smiled haughty and kissed her forehead.

She nodded, grabbed night clothes and left bedroom. Technoblade was smiling like idiot, when she went out. Feeling in his chest grew only bigger through days, when she was here. Also he wanted show everyone that Y/N is his and only his, he would bite her shoulder or neck, maybe give her golden jewelry, but for now it was pointless. As long, as she wasn't leaving the basement, all of this could come later. Of course Technoblade desired to mark her, but her shyness and innocence were too adorable and entertainment.

}*{

Next week has passed without any serious problems. Technoblade was always in cottage, Phil sticked around lot, so they could spend time together. Usually, they were talking, pair of friends described Y/N their adventures, Phil was telling of far away lands, and she was always listening witn true amazement. When Techno and Y/N were alone, he usually read her books or they just cuddled on couch. Sometimes she was trying to work on attic, but it was quite hard, since piglin hybrid has become clingy and very touch starved. He stole her few kisses during this week, but they weren't so intense as their first kiss. But since yesterday Technoblade has acted like he was always lost in his thoughts. That was something diffrent, so she noticed quite easily.

Y/N was sitting at the table and watching piglin hybrid carefuly. He was making her cup of tea, but silence reminded between them for too long.

"You are taciturn, since yesterday... something happend?" She asked finally.

He smiled and turned back to her with cup of tea. "You are so caring darling." He put the cup on the table.

"That isn't answer of my question..."

"You don't need to worry about it. Everyone has a quiet days, even me." Technoblade grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, it caused Y/N to smile too. She took a sip.

"It taste better than Phil's?"

"Um... I can't tell the diffrence." Y/N shrugged, it tasted good, tea like tea.

"Great." His smile widened and she felt warning twist in her stomach. Something was odd...

"You... are sure, that everything is all right?"

This time, he didn't even bother to answer. Just looked at her and studied her face. Y/N blinked... but suddenly her eyelids became very heavy. Though she was sleeping today well. Fatigue mastered her body, Y/N groaned quietly and put cup down with loud sound.

"Feeling tired?" Technoblade asked slowly.

She lifted her sight at him with little struggle. His face was stern, but something in his eyes... made her shiver inside.

"What... what did you do?"

"Nothing... nothing at all."

Y/N stood up slowly, but she tripped at first step, needed to support herself by table. He squeezed her hand harder and embrece waist, to hold her. She couldn't push him back, all energy went out, her sight found half full cup of tea...

"You bastard..."

Dark laugh left his lips, he lifted her in bride style, like she was like a feather. Technoblade kissed her forehead reassuring.

"I think, you shloud go to sleep my love."

Then, Y/N started to see blurry and finally lost consciousness. She didn't know how long she has been unconscious, but when she woke up, she has seen their shared bedroom. Then felt cold metal around her wrist. Still little tired and probably under the influence of drugs, Y/N tried to move herself from bed. Chain from her wirst was attached to wall and it was pretty long.

'What the hell happend...?'

Y/N didn't want to believe, that Technoblade drugged her... maybe staying here wasn't the best idea... Door opened with quiet noise, causing her, to look at it's direction. Piglin hybrid went inside with tray full of food. She clenched jaw and looked at him with narrowed eyes. If she could, she would throw at him fireballs again.

"Don't even think to get closer." She hissed quietly. "What is this?" She rose her hand with a handcuff.

Technoblade put a tray on table and sighed. Actually he had all his netherite armor on, sword at his belt, then trident and axe on back. Y/N swallowed hard.

"I am going on adventure with Phil... actually it's for supplies..." The Blade said slowly.

"So you chained me?!"

"I don't want to risk anything darling."

"Take it off." Y/N said totally serious.

"I-"

"Take it off!" Tears started to come up into her eyes.

Technoblade didn't even move slighty. He just watched, when she tugged chain couple of times, then sat helpless on the bed and quiet sob left her lips. He immediately came closer and crouch on her level. Despite her protests, Techno grabbed her hands and rub them gently with thumbs.

"I will be back in three, four days. You have food on table and I brought you new books. Chain can reach bathroom."

"Please take the chain off!"

'Music for our ears.' 'Make her stop crying.' 'We already miss her...'

He kissed her forehead, but then stood up and left her room, closing it on a key. Y/N was too shooked to make any move, she pulled her legs closer to chest and hugged them. Loud sob left her lips this time and tears strimming down at her cheeks freely. Snowflake jumped on the bed and snuggled near, to cheer up it's owner, but without any success.

Y/N just couldn't believe, that Technoblade actually did this. She behaved good all the time, didn't even fight his... sudden whims or whishes. He wasn't exactly as people talk about him, he had feelings, goals and persons which he cared about. He was a person, not a weapon. But this... she called fire at her fingers and grabbed the metal. After a few minutes, it didn't make any effect, but she spotted slight purple light on metal.

Enchantments.

Closing eyes, she focused on chain. After a second she had an answer. Mending and Unbreaking. Y/N cursed aloud, without key or magic, there was no way to open it. She was too weak for casting spells. It was made by Phil for sure, Technoblade didn't know enchanting that good... she curled up on bed, trying to find a way out of this horrible situation.

}*{

Ranboo sighed stepping at outisde stairs in Technoblade's basement. He was here so long ago, at least three weeks ago. Moving into mansion took a lot of time and they had to finish filling the rooms. After this, Eret told Foolish, that Y/N is missing, they immediately went to her home, only to find out it was empty and some things were taken. He helped with searching, because Eret and Foolish stated, that she couldn't just leave without a word. A week of no progress caused them to stop. Ranboo saw the true sadness on demi-god's face and he wished he would help. Tommy and Tubbo missed her too and Michael wanted, that Y/N read his tales. Enderman hybrid sighed once more and stepped inside. Main door wasn't locked, none dared to come here and steal something, maybe except Tommy. He would do that without any hesitation.

He needed blaze rods and some honey, to start bee farm for Tubbo. He was in the middle of searching, when heard suspicious nosie from on top. Ranboo looked at celling unsure. Technoblade and Phil were on trip, he know that, because they met in the Nether once in fortress. He knew only one ghost and he wasn't here for sure... Then he heard quiet whimper and sob. Tall teenager swallowed hard and started to head upstairs. The noises were coming from Techno's bedroom, that was really odd. He tried to open door, but it was locked. Looking around, he spotted the key on the nearest shelf, so took it and open door slowly and quietly.

Ranboo almost dropped everything in his hands, when he saw Y/N on floor, chain around her wrist, eyes full of tears, skin more pale than usually. She immediately looked up, her gaze was full of shock and disbelief.

"Y/N?" He knelt near her, look if there were any injures or wounds.

"Ranboo?" She almost cried this words. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I am getting supplies from Techno... and you? For gods sake, Foolish and Eret were looking for you!"

Tears left her eyes, when she heard this words. None has known what exactly happend... telling whole story wasn't a great idea.

"Why there is a chain on your wirst?"

Y/N bit her down lip and looked at him embarrased. This whole story was an absurd, what if he won't believe her?

"Technoblade..." she whispered quietly.

"Why Techno would do that? And Phil, he wouldn't allow it..."

"But he did!" She screamed, clearly with fear in her voice.

Enderman hybrid was confused, this didn't has sense or logic. He sighed slowly and looked at Y/N, no she wasn't lying, so what was the case? What was going on here?

"Let me help you with this..." He took metal into his hands and tried to break it. After few minutes, he grabbed sword, but still, stubborn chain didn't want to let her go.

"It's enchanted... only key or magic can release me... " Y/N explained quietly. "And if I leave... gods help us... Technoblade will be after me."

"But... why? What did you do?" Ranboo asked without even thinking.

"I don't know! This is madness, I just want to get back to home, but they won't allow me." Y/N started to shake and tears strimmed down at her cheeks.

Ranboo hugged her gently, she was watching out to not water his skin or suit too much. He rubbed Y/N's back gently.

"We will need help... to get you out of this I guess."

"No... Technoblade will be after them... please don't tell anyone!"

"But, what about you?" He seemed worried.

"I don't know... I will try to break out, but I don't know when... just please promise me, that you won't tell anyone!"

Ranboo hesitated for a moment. How will she manage to break herself? And how could he be quiet about it? Eret and Foolish are still sad and hopeful or her returning, Michael every night is asking, where is aunt Y/N.

"Right, I won't... but someone will know, now or later."

Y/N sighed, he had right... someone will eventually step inside Technoblade's house and find her... but now there was no better plan.

"Yes, but at least maybe that won't be my close friend... you shloud go, before they see you."

He again hesitated, but after all, hugged her for goodbye, stood up and left. Also put everything as it was when he came. Still he was torn, because, wanted to help, but didn't want to let down Y/N or betrayed Technoblade's trust. Finally he left closing the door carefuly, lost in thoughts.

}*{

As Technoblade promised, he stepped into house exactly four days after leaving. Inside was silence, he had full backpacks and was tired, Phil went to his part, they both needed rest. After put everything in magazine, he went upstairs and entered his shared bedroom. Y/N was sitting under wall, where chain was attached, room didn't changed at all, some things were moved, but nothing odd.

'We didn't see her for such a long time...' 'We are going to hold her whole day.' 'Can't wait to see her again!'

"I'm finally back princess." He hummed and got closer.

She looked at him and stood up slowly, a little bit shaky, she unsure wrapped arms around his waist and closed her eyes.

"Please, never ever again leave me alone here... please." Quiet whisper left Y/N's lips.

Technoblade smiled satisfactorily, then hugged her back and pressed soft kiss on her forehead.

"Will you be obedient now?" He asked cupping her face in hands and wiped out tears.

Y/N nodded almost immediately, Piglin's hybrid smile widened, well that was better than he has expected. He couldn't complain, more things could be complicated, but for now, he wanted her to calm and be nice as she shloud be.

"Good. Let me help you with this." The Blade took gently her wirst and pulled out small, golden key from his pocket, then opened handcuff. Skin where it was, was violated, red abrasions and scabs, his eyes narrowed.

"I will take care of this don't worry."

Y/N sat on bed and looked as he put away his cape, weapons and grabbed bandages, then cover injuries with it.

"Thanks..." she said after everything was done.

"Now I am going to take off my armor, then maybe bath. If you want... you can go downstairs or help me."

Y/N looked at him with a hesitation. They together started to undo Technoblade's armor, after a while he ended looking at her, when she was patiently helping. It took a moment, netherite armor was heavy and parts were big, but after everything was done The Blade hugged her tightly.

"I missed you sweetheart..." he whispered into her ear. "I'm glad, that we are on good terms now."

Y/N bit her lip, most important thing was, that they couldn't know, that Ranboo was here. This made her anxious, poor boy, wouldn't have chances with Technoblade...

"I missed you too." She smiled gently and pressed shy kiss to his cheek.

Night has fallen quickly, piglin hybrid was napping a lot after bath and Y/N finally could go to the attic or kitchen, so she spent time mostly there. Working and making herself her favourite meal. When she entered the shared bedroom, Technoblade was sitting on bed shirtless and taking care of his sword, he lifted his eyes in her.

"Come in."

Y/N closed door and walked few steps forward, this view reminded her, that actually she had trident with her, when got kidnapped. Where it could be now?

"Technoblade..."

"Yes sweetheart?"

"When we met in forest, I had trident with myself... what happend with it?"

Piglin hybrid stopped and put sword away, then stood up. She swallowed hard, maybe it wasn't a good idea...

"Why do you want to know?"

"Trident is important thing for enchanters... and this was my only one. I also spent a lot of time searching for it and enchanting it..." Y/N said honestly.

"It's safe in the cellar." He got closer to her and smiled gently.

She nodded and let him hug her, then wrapped her arms around his waist. Technoblade placed hand on her neck, kiss was slow and gentle. Piglin hybrid smiled after breaking out. Inside, Y/N sighed with relief, he didn't noticed, that Ranboo was here.

She let her guard down in vain. The Blade's gentle touch fast, became inescapable grasp on her throat, Y/N pupils widened immediately. Tried to pull him out, but that was only a weak try.

"You think, that I am stupid or blind?" He asked, then lifted her up, still holding her throat, air started to go out and didn't come back.

Y/N tried to kick him of, but again that was only a weak try, even when he was tired. She grabbed his wrist and trying to push off his hand, only to take breath.

"After a whole week, you just casualy asking me about your trident huh?" His eyes narrowed looking at her reaction.

'Grip her harder!' 'Make her cry and scream!' 'Show, who is in charge here!'

Voices again went feral, but this time they demanded violence and wildness. His sight almost became red and ears was full of noise.

"Techno!" Y/N whispered quietly, fighting to stay focused.

"Apologize and everything will be all right."

"Please..." Tears started to strimming down at her cheeks, she became weak.

He shook his head. "That's not how you apologize. Just say that you are sorry for being dirty, little girl, forgive me."

"I... am sorry... for being... dirty little girl. Please forgive... me." Words slowly left Y/N' lips.

Technoblade smiled with satisfaction, then just let her go. Y/N' body hit hard the floor, she hissed at sudden pain and looked up at male. He grabbed her chin, forcing her to stay like this, on knees.

"I hate do it to you. I really do. Please promise me, that you will be good, obedient, little girl."

Graps on her chin hardened, Y/N nodded almost immediately. After this, she had enough, hear pounded so fast, eyes full of tears.

"It's late, let's go to sleep princess." He left her chin and went straight into the bed.

She stood up shaky and quietly, then grabbed her night clothes and went into bathroom. When came back, Technoblade is sleeping peacefuly on his side. Y/N without any distrubing noise, snuggled into bed and turned her back at him. She couldn't sleep at all, just laying there and thinking. After today for sure her mind changed and situation seemed to be horrible and without exit.

The mattress sagged under the weight of Technoblade, when he changed his position. She immediately froze, again he put an arm around her waits and his head right behind her's. Y/N swallowed her tears in silence.

}*{

Couple of days have passed and Y/N became much more shy and quiet. Technoblade usually held her around, but when not, she was in attic working or reading books. Piglin hybrid was satisfied with her behavior, showing his affection and caring way.

It was almost an evening, Phil was working on supper, Technoblade and Y/N were sitting on couch, he held her hand and read ancient poem with shinning eyes. Winged man couldn't resist to smile, while was hearing it.

Everything became much calmer. Well it ended, when Ranboo stormed into cottage, heavy breathing, burns on his face from tears and he was in full netherite armor.

"I am sorry! Please forgive me..."

[ganymedesclock]

Rule of 3, perhaps?

Not too terribly much to say about this one; timing and meaningful repetition are tried, tested, and proven to time. Threes are a satisfying number, along with fives and sevens- I can't really say why. They lack the symmetry of twos, fours, and sixes but there's something about those low odd numbers, especially threes.

There's even a form of micro rule-of-three, which I just did now if you're looking- tried tested and proven to time. a repetition of "t" sounds, with the third beat held off a bit. It makes a pleasing sense of rhythm in prose.

Anonymous asked: Fate worse than death if that's not too broad

Consequences are a big part of any story! It's not too exhaustive to say that, so I think there's two major caveats to the Fate Worse Than Death as a concept.

If you feel like you have to invent a form of hyperdeath because you've been a little too liberal with the death-defiance, that might be worth looking into in your story format itself; I haven't found a lot of Fates Worse Than Death that actually hit as hard as a well-written character death.

Be a little careful what you're saying about living with pain or torment or in an uncooperative body. Your fantastic "worst fate" curse might actually just be another person's normal lived experience, and suggesting death would be better than that is a bad look.

Anonymous asked: Crouching moron, hidden badass for the trope ask thing?

Like anything, it depends widely on execution. On the one hand, I don't particularly care for the insinuation that a character has to pay for you caring about them by doing something really flashy and cool- on the other hand, I am often much more fond of / look towards this trope when it's in the case of that a character holding a position of power or significance probably earned it somehow.

If you design your world to be a challenge to navigate for a rowdy, superpowered unit of special boys (e.g. the standard RPG world), then there should be some sense that the other people who live here can leave their homes and turn out okay. And this can be both funny and a way of following my previously-established rule ("no one person needs to be important but people are important, as a category- it matters that someone's alive and real and has experiences") and spicing things up by making competent people not all preemptively flatter you by how cool they look.

A hypothetical example of this: your heroes might interact with a foppish nobleman who never seems to have any idea that he's in danger and swans through situations with at best cheerful disdain. This is assumed to be because he's an airhead, but an astute audience will pick out that he never actually seems confused about what's going on, nor delivering inaccurate assessments if he's confronted. At great length, the nobleman is cornered, and, bright-eyed, seizes the largely ornamental rapier he's carrying, and starts spouting very predictable dated "have at thee"s!

...and then it turns out he's a champion duelist and half the reason he hasn't been concerned before now is that he didn't think any of these prior issues were worth his time. It may not necessarily endear him to our haggard heroes at that point to know he could've helped out at any point, but it makes sense- if we're depicting a clearly 'old school' noble, dueling was an aristocratic preoccupation quite a bit, and the man could have even gotten himself into trouble specifically because he's too scary to be taken down a peg in the traditional manner, and too irreverent and bloodthirsty for people to like his company.

[mochegato]

Jasonette Protection Program

Chapter 1

Jason smirked as the lock disengaged for him. Tim may be ‘the smart one’ but thank God he was predictable.  It made things like breaking into his townhouse so much easier.  Now he just had to convince him to let him hide at his place for a few days.  It shouldn’t be too hard once he knew it would piss off Damian, because again, Tim was predictable, and one thing he reveled in more than tormenting Jason was tormenting the gremlin.  And not being able to find Jason would absolutely kill Damian, meaning he couldn’t kill Jason.  And none of them would think to look for Jason at Tim’s place of all places.

“Hey, Preten… er… Tim.  You here?” Jason called out as he relocked the door behind him.  “Come on, Tim.  I know you’re here.  You said you were going to hang out with friends tonight, which we both know means you’re going to be home alone all night.”

Jason moved through the townhouse looking for Tim, getting increasingly paranoid as he moved.  He’d told Alfred he’d be around if he needed anything, and he would never lie to Alfred.  So where was he, Jason wondered to himself as he walked past Tim’s bedroom, noting the untouched bed and wandered into the spare bedroom.  And who was the woman in the bed?  The suspiciously, absolutely gorgeous woman, sleeping peacefully in the bed he was going to use.  When Tim was conspicuously missing?  Well that was unpredictable.  

What the fuck was going on?  Tim was paranoid as fuck.  And to just leave someone in his townhouse unsupervised?  Someone who was pretending like she could sleep through Jason screaming at the top of his lungs?  Something was off.  “Hey! Person who doesn’t live here!” Jason yelled.  “Who the fuck are you and why are you in my brother’s bed?”

The woman’s eyes popped open.  Her face scrunched in confusion after a beat, but she slowly closed her eyes again.  “Hey, no!” Jason kicked the bed hard enough to jostle the entire bed.  “Who the fuck are you?”  

This time the woman, who he now realized was probably Tim’s girlfriend that he hadn’t told any of them existed, which he couldn’t blame Tim for, he wouldn’t want to introduce anyone to this family unless he had to either, bolted up to sitting and gasped in a breath.  Her head whipped around clumsily to find the source of the disruption.  She blinked groggily as she looked around, almost like she wasn’t registering what she was seeing, not really.  Jason almost felt bad for waking her up because damn, she must have been really deeply asleep.  It was taking her a while to settle back into reality.

Jason’s theory about her not really taking in what she saw was confirmed when her gaze swept past him with no reaction at all.  The room was dim, but wasn’t dark.  He wasn’t hidden.  There was no way she could have missed him.  After a few seconds she stopped her scan of the room and blinked blankly, swaying slightly in place, and brought her gaze back to him.  She blinked more heavily a few more times as she stared at him as if trying to figure out if he was really there.

Her eyes met his, but didn’t seem to see him. They looked glazed over.  He would normally be a bit more sympathetic to the sleep induced daze, but he was already in a bad mood and she was fucking ignoring him and where was Tim?  “Yes, I’m real,” he gruffly answered her unasked question.  “Now, for the third time, what the fuck are you doing in my brother’s bed?”

She looked down at herself and the bed she was in.  Her head lolled unsteadily as she looked around until she fell back onto the bed with a grunt.  “I see why your brother is the detective, not you.”  

“Excuse me!” he growled at her.  Instead of flinching back like a normal person would have, a smile teased on her lips and she turned over on her side, curling happily into her pillow.  Jason almost thought she’d fallen asleep and was about to strip the comforter off of her until she slurred out a sleepy question.  “So, which brother are you?”

He stared at her, unsure how to react to her. She knew Tim was a detective.  How did she know that?  ‘Detective’ isn’t a term you could just throw in there like ‘he’s the smart one’ would be, which, he was used to hearing.  But ‘detective’ was extremely specific and directly related to their nightly activities.  Unless he told her he was a private detective for some reason?  Or an inside joke?  And she was acting so casual about it, like it was an understood thing.  “Jason,” he finally answered.  Regardless of whether she knew or not, giving that much wouldn’t hurt.

“Ooohhh,” she smiled against the pillow, not even bothering to open her eyes.  “I was supposed to never meet you.  You should definitely stay close by.  Take a picture of Tim’s face when he sees you with me.  It’s going to be brilliant.  I would pay to see it.”

He smiled in spite of himself, but quickly schooled his expression.  She wasn’t answering his questions.  She was deftly avoiding giving him any information.  It was so natural, he could almost believe it really was, but nobody in their lives was that innocent.  But then again, her body was completely relaxed.  He was accustomed to deceptive relaxation, body positioning that appeared outwardly to be relaxed, but the muscles were prone and ready to jump into action in an instant if a threat presented itself.  She didn’t show those signs.  She was either amazingly good, which would explain how she knew who Tim was, or she really was that relaxed and innocent.  

Either way, he still didn’t have a name.  “And who are you exactly?  For the fourth time,” he asked again.

“Tomorrow,” she murmured as she groped for the covers to pull them back up over her chest.  “So tired. Just sleep.  Tim will be back soon, maybe.  Ask h…” she trailed off.

“You don't care if I share the bed?” he asked suspiciously.  This seemed more and more like a trap, but what the hell the trap could be, he couldn’t figure out.  He wasn’t married or seeing anyone so it wasn’t like she could blackmail him with pictures. And she couldn’t exhort him by forcing him into a situation where he defends himself against her husband or boyfriend who just ‘happens’ to walk in on them in bed, that was actually a popular one in Gotham for some reason, because they were in Tim’s townhouse and she knew they were brothers so… what the hell could her game be?

“And there was one bed,” she mumbled amused, giggling softly to herself.

“What?”

She waved him off sloppily.  “Not worried. You lay one finger on me and Tim will kill you.” She clumsily patted the space in the bed next to her.  “Sleep.”

“I’m sleeping on the couch,” he insisted surlily. He waited to see how she would react, but her only response was a soft snore.  He snorted.  He studied the woman, trying to figure out who exactly this woman was and how close to Tim she was, because not many girlfriends would suggest pranking their boyfriends with cheating… with the boyfriend’s brother, especially when she apparently knew there was animosity between them.  

Some of that could be because she was currently quite obviously not quite aware of reality.  He was now convinced it was a bit more than just being tired.  She had clearly enjoyed her night a bit too much, which he could completely understand. If he had to spend an entire night laughing with Tim, he’d need to be drunk too.

His head snapped in the direction of the front door when he heard the sounds of a lock disengaging and the door opening.  He glanced back at the woman in the bed, whose name he still didn’t know, and made a split second decision to trust her despite that fact.  The likelihood that she was conning him was far outweighed by the opportunity to prank Tim, and with his friend’s? girlfriend’s? whichever’s help!  This was unheard of.  Dick’s friends were more than willing to help with a prank, knowingly or unknowingly, but Tim’s friends?  Never. At least not with Jason.

He ripped off his jacket and shirt, throwing them toward the corner of the room and hopped toward the bed as he pulled off his boots.  He jumped under the covers behind the woman and let the covers pool around his hips, just above his pants waistband.  He pulled the covers up to the woman’s shoulders to hide the fact that she was still wearing her shirt.  She barely moved at all in response to his actions.  He wasn’t even sure if she knew he was there.  He really hoped when she woke up that she remembered the prank.

He could hear Tim’s footsteps as he got closer to the door.  Just before he reached the door, Jason threw his arm over the woman’s waist and moved closer to her.  He just barely cracked his eye open, enough to see Tim, but still look closed if the other person wasn’t watching closely enough.

Tim peeked quietly into the room.  He did a double take when he saw the bed.  “What the…” Tim started.  Jason couldn’t stop the small grin that spread on his face, that is until Tim reacted.  

He suddenly threw the door open and rushed the bed. He hauled Jason out of the bed with more strength than Jason remembered him having.  Tim threw him against the wall hard enough to knock a few pictures off the wall.  His face was contorted in the angriest scowl Jason had ever seen on him.  He shoved his forearm into Jason’s throat, pushing hard enough that Jason had to gasp to get air.

Tim moved closer, his eyes sparking with so much anger that for the first time Jason was a bit intimidated.  Maybe this hadn’t been such a brilliant idea after all.  But, this reaction from the normally composed Tim was definitely unpredictable.  The woman wasn’t kidding when she said Tim would kill him for touching her.  Tim paused and glanced down toward Jason’s cargo pants, still tightly belted and zipped.  When he looked back up, his eyes had somehow narrowed even more.  “That better have been just a terrible fucking joke.”

Jason rolled his eyes and tried to push Tim’s arm away from his throat, but Tim wouldn’t yield.  “Calm down, Timbers.  I didn’t sleep with your girlfriend,” Jason jeered.

“She isn’t my girlfriend, asshole,” Tim sneered back pushing his forearm harder into Jason’s throat.  “She’s a good friend who got drugged by someone tonight, intending to do God knows what.  So you can imagine how utterly not funny I find you joking about sleeping with her right now.”

Jason’s eyes widened in realization.  That… that would explain a lot.  “Oh Shit.  I’m really sorry, Tim.  I swear I didn’t do anything to her.”  Tim nodded slightly and lowered his arm, but his expression didn’t soften much.  He continued to glare at Jason.

His stare down was interrupted by a soft, tired, slightly slurred voice.  “What happened?  Tim?”  The woman smiled slightly.  “You’re home.”  Her eyes flicked over to Jason and she stopped to contemplate him.  “Hey, you’re real.  Did you take a picture?”

Tim whipped his head over to Jason, his heated glare back in place. “A picture of what, exactly?” he demanded.

Jason held up his hands in an effort to placate him.  She was really, really not helping them right now. “Of your face when you saw us together,” he explained slowly.  Tim drew in a deep breath and his jaw got even tighter.  “In my defense, it was her idea,” Jason said quickly, pointing to the woman, “and I didn’t know she was drugged.”

Tim looked away and huffed out an angry breath. He rubbed his forehead.  “Of course it was her idea.”  He turned to the woman with an exasperated sigh.  “You’re not funny, Marinette.”

The woman, Marinette, pouted at him and nestled deeper into the covers.  “I’m fucking hilarious,” she mumbled out from under the covers.  Her face emerged from the covers as she took them both in.  She looked down at Jason’s chest for a second and threw off the comforter to look down at her chest.  She pulled gently at the front of her shirt.  “Should have taken my shirt off too.  Would have been funnier,” she chastised lightly before collapsing back onto the bed and closing her eyes again.

“No,” Tim yelled out holding out his hands in a halting motion.

Marinette opened one eye to glare at him before turning over and snuggling into the covers on the other side.  “Fuck you.  I have great breasts.”

Tim groaned and looked down mortified.  “Oh God, that’s not something I wanted to ever hear coming out of your mouth.”

“And you’re in trouble anyway,” she continued, ignoring Tim’s comment, her words slurring slightly more as fatigue claimed more of her attention.  “Why didn’t you tell me your brother was sexy?”

Tim groaned and ran his hand down his face.  “And there’s another.”  He looked back at her with a serious expression.  “Not sexy, annoying asshole.”

“No, she clearly said sexy,” Jason corrected him with a cocky grin.

“Touch her and die,” Tim hissed.

“Protective much,” Jason taunted.

“That’s exactly what I am, protective of my drugged friend,” Tim growled back, reminding Jason of the situation and why Marinette was there in the first place.  He turned back to Marinette with a softer expression.  “You can do far better than him.”  He didn’t even flinch when Jason punched him hard in the shoulder. Jason discretely looked up to see how Marinette reacted to Tim’s words, but she was already sleeping again.

He only looked away from her when Tim punched his shoulder and shoved him toward the door.  “Don’t even fucking think about it,” he snapped.

“Yeah, yeah.  Okay.  Whatever, keep your friend,” Jason waved him off, but his eyes found their way back to her as they left the room.  “Tell me what happened while I raid your fridge.”

Chapter 2

@jasonette-july-event

[physicalturian]

[G] Gentle summer - Rengoku Kyojuro x GN!Reader - Part 3

[Contains spoilers from the movie, and the manga] [No pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]

Words : 9 237

Archive of our own

Warnings : Blood / Injuries

Note : Here is the art that inspired one of the scene

--- Part 1 - Part 2 -

It is so humid, I thought. Not too cold, but not as warm as the night I just spent. I could feel a fresh breeze enter the room, but I only felt it graze parts of my body. My face was warm, so was my upper half, but my feet were freezing. Slowly gaining consciousness, I could feel the texture under my lower back was different from the one my feet were resting on. It was confusing, to say the least. Trying to think of what it was, I moved a hand and touched the ground- straw… straw? Tatami straws. I’m on the tatami? Where is my futon? My mind was too dazed to make connections.

When I opened my eyes, I was blinded by how bright the room was. Summer mornings always were the most beautiful things, if you ignored the brightness it brought upon arrival. When I sat up, something hit my lap, falling from my stomach. Startled, a mute gasp left my lips; It took me a few seconds to understand it was an arm that was attached to the person I seemed to have huddled close to, during the night. When I tried to speak, my voice got caught in my throat and only a sound escaped my lips.

Rubbing my eyes, I then looked over my shoulder. It was a relief to see the Fire Pillar had not ended up sleeping on his stomach, and from the drool on the corner of his mouth he seemed to have slept just fine. Looking a bit longer, I could see his kimono had slipped off his shoulder but also he was not wearing his haori. I was still surprised he managed to sleep in this attire, at all, but I was getting used to the surprises this man brought. His hair had left the braid during the night and seemed even messier than it usually was; Looking outside, I thought it may have been because of the mist that had set outside.

A faint drizzle had set on the land and seemed to have made the air more breathable, but with it came this feeling of stickiness the humidity brought. My eyes trailed back to the spread out form by my side, his free hand was resting on his stomach as the hair that had freed itself from the braid stuck to his face. Cute, I thought as I leaned in to brush the hair out of his face. When I did, his eyes suddenly opened wide, as they focused on my face, a smile spread on his lips. It took him half a second, if not less, to recognize it was me and to bring such a warm feeling in my chest from just a smile.

“Good morning,” When he spoke, it dawned on me that I had never really heard his drowsy voice; it lacked clarity from his usual loudness but perhaps was it because he was still laying down. “You’re looking,” he whispered, as if telling me a secret, chuckling shortly after. “I was not, your hair… I was going to get it out of your face, you are sweating quite a lot,” I laughed, pulling my hand back. Kyojuro was not having it and held my hand, bringing it back to his face, “Suit yourself, I am not about to refuse your hands on me,”

I could refuse, there was that possibility because I knew he was not going to get mad, there was no reason to, after all. Instead, I turned around fully, facing him, chuckling with a smile that turned into a confused expression when something fell from my shoulders. “What is-“ “My haori, it seems like this time you were the one who slithered out of your futon, I did not want you to catch a cold,” he explained, his large hand settling on my lower back as he pressed me closer. I stiffened at the sudden touch, and he stopped, instead brushing his thumb gently, whispering the tiniest “Sorry,” matching his tone, I whispered back “Just surprised, that is all…”

Reaching for his face, I avoided meeting his gaze and focused on the strands of hair. “It was not smart to sleep in your kimono, jinbeis are made for this,” I stated, brushing his hair back with my hand when he had let go. “Well, yes, but I couldn’t quite have covered you during the night if I had a jinbei now, could I?”

“You did not predict this, do not kid yourself,” I paused, also pausing my action as I looked at him, my head above his only slightly, “And I am sure you would have found a way, you are the Fire Pillar, after all, your body is hot all the time,” I joked, not moving. The longer this courting was going on, the more prone I was to get in situations where if I leaned in even just a bit, I could get a taste of his lips. And for a second, when his hands cradled my face, I thought I was.

With a smug smile on his lips, the golden man asked, “Are you saying I am hot?” His eyes darted to my lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, I was quick to look back up instead of letting my eyes wander off. “I meant, warm,” I breathed out, I did not realize how I sounded until I spoke. It was not as clearly spoken as it should have been, I was barely focused on his words. My mind was on the feeling of his hands against my skin, along the lingering feeling of when it touched my lower back. How long should courting be for it to be appropriate for me to cave in? This was too soon, surely… but his entire being was so enticing…

“Are you saying I’m not hot, then?” He asked jokingly, a thick brow risen on his beautiful face. My face flushed, of course I had not said that, how could he insinuate such things when all I have been thinking of is to push him on the ground and kiss him like there was no tomorrow? I did not want to wipe that smile off his face, I wanted to see it all of the time, every day, in the morning, in the afternoon, before going to sleep. But I couldn’t cave in. “No, I did not say that,” I chuckled.

Rengoku was startled when I placed both of my hands on either side of his head, it was a physical boundary to myself to not let myself lean in. His eyes glanced at my arms a moment, then a nervous chuckle escaped his lips, “I do enjoy where this is going, the closer you are to me, the happier it makes me,” I had to blink slowly to take in what he had said, my cheeks flaring up upon understanding. My mind was too clouded to be thinking anything at this moment; His hand sliding to the side of my neck, with his fingers behind my ear as his thumb brushed over my cheekbone, I felt him pulling me in gently.

My arm did not hold long, I leaned in gladly. How strong is a body with a weak mind? I thought, berating myself a moment for the little will I had. My heart was hammering against my chest, like a woodpecker. I would have swooned if I were not already kneeling when the man under me licked his lips; instead I felt a huge disappointment when instead of letting our lips meet, he turned only slightly so that his lips were right next to my ear, his breath caressing the shell of my ear, “I have yet to buy you flowers,” a surprised sound left my lips, I would even go as far as to say a whine but admitting so would be too shameful.

Rengoku then pressed his forehead against mine and smiled, almost painfully, “Proper courting takes time, we wouldn’t want to rush this,” I absolutely would, I thought, surprising myself. “And you are deserving of every second of it,” But what if we take too long and it’s too late, I asked to myself, not daring voicing my thoughts.

“Delaying what we both want gives me sights as this very one,” He chuckled, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks, one hand sliding down my jaw to touch my lips slowly. “And I dare say, I relish in seeing you looking at me like this,” His gentle smile turned into a smug one as he looked up, meeting my gaze once more, “Is my songbird mute?”

Getting a hold of myself after what almost happened, I leaned back and quickly turned around, ready to get my morning started. Ignoring his question, I found comfort in having my back facing him and asked, “Are you certain we have time?” I heard him laugh to himself. The rustle of fabrics followed as he sat up, then his hand was resting on my shoulder. I leaned my head forward, looking at my hands, “Good things come to those who wait, is it not how the proverb goes?” Kyojuro asked, the smile on his face could be heard in the way he spoke.

“Time is a hard concept to grasp in times like these, I do not want to regret anything,” A kiss was placed on the nape of my neck, I tensed up in surprised before relaxing when Rengoku rested his chin on my shoulder, “Until the festival,” It was almost pleading, but I heard it as a suggestion. “Let’s make it special. By then I will be in perfect shape to show you the best spots, and give you the tightest hugs, and so much more,” I couldn’t help but laugh softly upon hearing those words. He was planning on giving this courtship his everything, and while my biggest fear was rushing this, I also wanted to do so. I wanted him.

It felt like a dance, we were waltzing around each other, making the other want more. We both played the game and knew what we wanted but to each thing in life, there were rules. Taking time in a situation such as ours was one of those rules. “Very well, what is two more days? There is satisfaction in seeing your face every day, for now it will have to do,” I paused when he kissed my cheek happily, then stood up, carefully helping Rengoku’s chin off my shoulder and making my way to the door, “I will see you later, pretty boy,” I gave him a smile and saw his face lit up, mirroring me. His smile broadened, while mine turned into a short laugh when he said, “I’m a pretty boy?”

I did not have time to answer when the door I was about to open slid open. I was quick to turn around and face the person who had done just that, only to be met with the loudest of all the Pillars. It was hard to admit he was louder than Rengoku, but it was true. While the Fire Pillar was confident and kind, his loudness only shared positive emotions; However, the sound Pillar was loud for no reason, it was a lot about him and showing off. I got along a lot better with Gyomei than Uzui, but the latter was the one standing in front of me with a huge bag on his back. “You!” He said, grinning.

Then he squinted his eyes, “Wait, you? Innit Ren’s room?” his tone was confused; His eyes darted behind me and probably caught a glimpse of the disheveled look of the lion-like man. I thought so from the knowing smile that started spreading on his lips, “Oh I see what’s going on, that’s interesting… That’s,” He paused. Perhaps I should have felt intimidated by his towering figure, but I could not care less at this moment, the feeling of embarrassment was stronger than the one of intimidation. “A very, hot night, I see,'' the grey-haired man said. When I was about to deny it, Rengoku spoke.

“It was! I am very glad for the rain, come in, come in,” He added that I was about to leave and gestured for the Sound Pillar to get inside. He did not care much and pushed me aside without much force, his bag hitting the back of my head as he stepped inside the room. “You better tell me everything buddy, because that is a full-blown surprise- I mean sort of, I suppose we all had an idea…” His words faded away as I walked out and closed the door, as much as I was curious of what he was going to say, I also respected their privacy.

More and more Pillars were arriving at the mansion, which showed the importance of the fight to come. It was still a month away, if not more, but they were all coming back. Master Ubuyashiki must have had something in mind, but I was not aware of his plans. Bringing his strongest pawns in one place was a bold move, even if no one knew where they were. The advantage resided in our hiding place, we had yet to be found which I was not asking for, but if one information was leaked we could be undergoing an attack at any given time.

Trying to stop thinking about the worse outcome, I looked around, observing. Everyone acted their usual self, as if unaware of what was coming but we knew better, if you looked a bit longer, their gaze would sometimes focus on something. And they’d stare too long, thinking, considering, but they’d get a hold of themselves pretty quick, the mask coming right back. As I walked around the mansion, I heard commotion coming from the training room and sauntered closer. A loud conversation was happening inside, I heard the mention of the entertainment district where I knew Uzui’s wives were.

Thinking it was odd to talk about it to the recruits, I listened in, too curious this time to leave. Sending them undercover? I commented in my head, is this not too much for them? A hand on my shoulder made me move from the wall in surprise, I was caught red-handed. The humiliation did not stop there when I saw the two men I had just left alone, standing in front of me. “A curious cat, I see,” Uzui said from behind Kyojuro who had slid his hand over my arm but held me there, “You know, curiosity killed the cat- You shouldn’t listen in on conversations of others,” He added.

Clearing my throat, I was going to walk past them, my composure only faltered slightly but I still looked at him without fear, “They are still young, why are they going undercover in a district where we already have people? One of them barely realizes his breathing technique exists, they shouldn’t go there alone,” I was not deterred, neither was he. Rengoku let go of my hand, knowing this was not a moment for this. Uzui laughed, buffing his chest as if to show off somehow. He looked at me with a smirk, “I am not the one making the calls,” He almost spat, “If you want to start a fight with someone, start it with Master Ubuyashiki, but I don’t have time to waste with you,”

Huffing a laugh, I stood aside, “A fight? I do not wish to waste my energy on you, either,” Before he could step inside, I added, “But if anything goes wrong, their lives will be on you,” I regretted saying so, he only huffed in response before interrupting the discussion going on inside. Rengoku closed the door and stood in front of me, frowning, “It is not his choice, blaming him will not help,” He said, his voice was strong but kind too, he was not berating me but I still felt bad for saying it to the Sound Pillar.

“I know…” I sighed. Looking at him, I noticed he was in his Pillar outfit, not his regular jinbei or kimono. “Why are you dressed like that? Are you perhaps joining the recruits at the entertainment district?” As much as I tried to hide the worry from my voice, I was certain he had heard it from how fast I had spurred those words. My pulse sped up at the thought of him back on the field; He was not ready to go back yet, he needed to rest more, to get back in shape. Some rehabilitation even, would be interesting- or maybe I was finding excuses, maybe I was trying to cover my fear with logical thoughts…

The man in front of me laughed loudly, his hands holding mine gently as he said in a jolly voice, “Well, I am convinced I could pull one of those very fancy attire they wear in pleasure houses.” He brought one of my hands to the back of his neck, I tangled my fingers through his hair as he pulled me closer, “What do you think?” The mood had drastically changed once I was against his chest. He then placed my other hand on his shoulder and rested both of his hands on my hips, “Do you think it would suit me?” His tone had dropped a few octaves.

This was a reoccurrence of this morning, but this time, while I would have loved to keep the conversation going, I met his gorgeous eyes and smirked. My hands both traveled to rest on his biceps as I looked at him with a certain pride, “Flowers. Bring me flowers, then we will have that conversation again. I do have a lot to say on the topic,” I added the latter part jokingly, even though I knew full well I would not be able to resist this man in whatever clothing he would wear.

His cheeks flushed pink before a nervous laugh reached my ears, then a clearing of a throat, “I will be bringing you flowers and much more,” He paused, looking behind me a moment then back at me, smiling, “Will you be joining me this afternoon? For training… I have not been very useful yesterday and apologize for it, but I will gladly offer my help once more today. Will you accept?” I had to hold back from enthusiastically agreeing, there was no way I would refuse spending time with him and it made my heart flutter that he still asked if it bothered me.

Smiling mischievously, I reached out to shake his hand, “I accept your offer,” quirking a brow I added, “I hope the rain does not bother you, the weather will not stop me from training outside,” I stated. It was his time to smirk as he pulled me closer by our clasped hands, his lips hovered next to my ear as he whispered, “I am sure you have seen me train through storms and heat, a weather such as this one will not be a problem,” he quickly pulled away, pressing a kiss on my cheek before grinning, “I will see you then,” This time he caressed my cheek on the way out as he said Uzui’s name, gesturing for him to follow him.

Knowing another Pillar was around, I straightened my back and acted as if nothing happened. I was fully aware Rengoku was past the point of caring if everyone in the mansion knew, which I believe they did. He was growing bold, as if he had not been until now, I thought with a huff. But this kind of boldness meant displaying more affection in public, his determination turned more daring. I would not call it cocky, it did not suit the man, but he was sure satisfied to turn me into a puddle with the littlest show of affection.

The two men walked away, and I could hear Uzui comment on what happened, taunting as he suggested “At this point you should send a letter to everyone, you two are so obvious- wait is it even allowed? What did the Master say about it?” Rengoku seemed almost thrilled by the idea when he said it sounded great, then he laughed, “I have nothing to hide, why would I not show off…” Then the distance between us was too great, I could not hear anything else. It gave me time to compose myself.

Before leaving to see if anyone else had arrived at the mansion, I dusted nothing from my outfit. If I looked proper on the outside, they would not realize my mind was plagued with indecent thoughts and longing for Kyojuro. Since the man was not keen on intimacy, I could at least find comfort in the privacy of my mind; Although I felt the need to talk about the situation with someone, as much as I hated admitting it, I needed guidance. The festival was getting close, and I was still not sure I could promise I would not be biased once on the field if his life were on the line. I was aware I had to make my mind up by then, but I could not get one clear thought with how much the Fire Pillar’s smile was on my mind.

Sighing, I heard Sumi urgently talking to someone and hurried to her side in case she needed help only to find her with a hand on the Stone Pillar’s shoulder. I had to hold back a laugh as she tried to get him to stop crying, speaking reassuring words but not getting a response for the man. His hands were clasped in front of his face, his beads around his fingers like a vine, he was praying.

Calling the little girl’s name, she was startled to see me and walked up to me, a worried expression on her face. “I do not know what is wrong with him, I have never talked to this Pillar and- I said hi to him, and he started crying, did I do something wrong?” It was hard not to laugh at her distress, I supposed it was a weird predicament when you had never talked with him. Instead, I smiled as I placed a hand on her head, whispering back, “He is a very kind man, a very sensitive one too. I think he felt immense joy from seeing such a nice girl welcoming him, that is all. But you did nothing wrong, you can go, I have it from here,”

Sumi nodded and hurried off, telling me she’ll be bringing tea, almost tripping on the tatami on her way out. Once the door was closed, I walked to the center of the room where Gyomei was sitting and knelt in front of him, bringing my hands to clasp around his as I closed my eyes. Sharing his faith or not did not matter, he was always grateful when someone joined him in doing such things. We stood like this until he was done, we did not unclasp our hands, we both enjoyed the familiarity and found serenity when in one another’s company. The man smiled kindly, breathing out my name softly, “You are here too, it has been such a long time my friend,”

“It has indeed, how have you been?” I chuckled when he squeezed my hand reassuringly, “It is good to be back, I do not know for how long, but it brings back memories,” He hummed, his head dipping slightly as if deep in thought, then tears started streaming down his face again. His thunder-like voice resonated once more as he let go of my hands and was suddenly holding me with his hands on my biceps, “You are troubled, would you like to share what is weighing on your poor soul? I can sense it wavering, hesitation filling your being, you are doubtful,”

A nervous laugh escaped my lips as I helped his hands off me and placed them back on his lap, taking one of his in my hand. “I have barely spoken, and you already know, it is truly frightening how good you are at reading people,” the smallest chuckle escaped his lips, he did not say anything else and waited for me to explain what was going on. His thumb pressed gently on my wrist, he could not see me fidget or my expression’s change, but he could feel my pulse speed up. Normal people would have a hard time, but as a Pillar he everything was enhanced for him, I could never take any of them down.

“I have been courting Rengoku Kyojuro,” I stated. A faint smile made its way on the Stone Pillar, tears of joy coursing down his cheeks. “That is good, is it not? You do not have to feel embarrassed; I believe we have all been awaiting this,” he said, gently patting my thigh with his free hand, in a calming manner. For a second I wondered how long they had all been watching the Fire Pillar and I waltz around one another. None of them had ever said anything about it, at least not to me. “What is the problem, do you not love Rengoku?” That question struck a chord. Love was a big word, with a deep meaning to it. I had only been admiring the man from afar, most of the time, until recently. There was a better word to describe how I felt for the man,

“Longing,” I breathed, “I long for him, I wish to be with him. I do, but times are dire. What if something goes bad? I was told to put my slayer duty first, but…” I paused for a moment, thinking I might have been overthinking it. Gyomei is not one to judge, I reminded myself then continued without much hesitation, “If I see him fall during the battle… Gyomei, I do not know how I would react. I would like to think I will stay composed but-“ There was a knot in my throat, I had never voiced those insecurities out loud, with anyone, and it felt as relieving as it felt stressful. “He is like the sun, and I do not wish to spend the rest of my life in the darkness he’ll leave behind if he dies-“ I swore under my breath, taking a deep breath.

Exhaling slowly, I cleared my throat and got a hold of myself, “To avoid that, I should simply not keep this up. I should distance myself, I should stop everything, I should…” I whispered the last part, trying to convince myself. “But it feels so right to be around him,” I finally breathed, I was done ranting. The strong man in front of me scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me, my heart clenching at the warmth I felt in his caring embrace. “Your mind and your heart are in a disagreement,” He stated, his hand rubbing my back gently, comforting me in a brotherly way.

I let out a soft laugh, humming in agreement while tears of content rolled down my cheeks as the stress left my body. I hadn’t realized I had been thinking about it that much until I uncapped the lid, meaning until I talked about it. Spending days after days with the man was counterproductive to the idea I had of stepping away from him, because every minute spent with him made me like him even more. It made the decision harder to make, but Gyomei was a wise man, and I was sure he would help me clear my thoughts.

“Whatever happens out there, during the fight, you will make the decision you believe is just,” He started, his voice steady and strong. “But, uncertain times do not mean we should stop living, nor should we stop loving,” He continued, holding me tight, his huge hands never stopping rubbing my back. After a moment he pushed me away gently, holding my forearm to face me, “Because where there is love, there is peace. And the war that is raging in your heart can only be quelled by his devotion,” He reached out for my face, I helped his hand on my cheek where he wiped the tears away, a soft smile on his lips as tears streamed down his cheeks. “You are unsure if it will last, if you will both survive, and I am here to tell you that it does not matter. You must enjoy happiness as much as you can while you have it and remember that nothing is impossible for a willing heart.”

It took some time to take in his words, it was beautifully worded and made my heart soar, as I thanked him, we both stood up. I could not ignore the logical part of me that still thought it would be a good idea to leave everything and act as if nothing happened. There was no way I could ignore it, but my friend was right, and I had the right to be happy, no matter how short or long that happiness would last. If one of us died, we could describe our love as ephemeral and poets liked that.

After a few moments, we had both composed ourselves. I was the only one who laughed nervously as I stood up and extended a hand his way, “I probably look like a mess,” It was a rhetorical question, but as serious as Gyomei seemed, he had the soul of a jokester. “I would not know,” He replied, making me laugh as I helped him up, not that he needed it. “I missed you my friend, would you like to train with me? I would gladly welcome some distraction and practice,” I suggested happily.

His answer surprised me as he said, “We should practice your breathing, I sensed you before you even opened the door,” He said seriously, opening the door and leading the way to the dojo. Following his large steps, I put a hand on his shoulder, not to guide him but to keep up with his pace. “Why has no one ever mentioned it to me?” I asked in awe, “It has only recently come to my attention that I was bad at it, and it seems everyone knew!” I said, confused, questioning everything.

“We did not have time to spare, and you managed very well. However, we are going to face a greater enemy. Fixing your stealth should help you become a greater fighter,” I rolled my eyes playfully, “Know that I rolled my eyes, I am already a great fighter,” I said in a light tone. He huffed a laugh, agreeing. He added that I still lacked a lot of training and while he had the time, he would be helping me the best I can.

Tapping his arm with my finger, I said, “Do tell me, what else does everyone know that I am unaware of?” “If it is regarding the Fire Pillar-“ I cut him off, my cheeks heating up, “Not everything I talk about is about this man, my friend. Have some faith,” A semblant of composure dripped off my tongue, but he was right. I was curious about what they all saw that I did not. “You attract one another like a moth to the light, while you only talked about him off-handedly to keep it to yourself, he would often mention you. Yet, he would refuse our advice and do as he pleased, a lot of the other Pillars found it painful to see,” His explanation made me want to hide away in embarrassment. It was one thing to be oblivious to one’s actions and feelings, but it was something completely other when everyone else knew.

“I will admit it is embarrassing,” I said with a huff as we entered the dojo. Considering my attire, I went to the cabinet in the corner of the room and grabbed a jinbei. There was no need to be careful as I changed around the blind man, but I still warned him, “I am going to get changed, it will be impossible to do anything in a full kimono,” I stated. He still turned around, his back facing me.

As I got changed, I asked, “What do you think of the situation? Not as a monk, not as someone to give me guidance, but as a friend,” He hummed in response, dropping his haori on the ground and wrapping his beads around his neck to not lose them, “Seeing how your aura becomes erratic when you are in one another’s vicinity, I would say it is time you make a move,” Signaling him I was done, he turned around, we both walked to the center of the room.

“A move has been made, do not fret. We have even spent a few nights together,” While I paused, I saw Gyomei raise a brow, making me defend myself, “We slept, we simply slept,” no matter how much I wanted for more, I thought to myself. I surprised myself when the thought crossed my mind but ignored it as I continued, “We are also going to the festival in a few days, you are welcome, along with the others, if you’d like. I am sure it would be fun,” His expression turned wary for a second before turning down my offer, saying he had to stay at the mansion to train the recruits. Telling him it sounded fun, we then started what we had come here to do and started working on my weakness.

It was fair to say that Gyomei had better teaching skills than the Fire Pillar, perhaps I was also to blame. When training with Rengoku, I would only be half-focused from how my mind would start thinking about him and his touches, while when with Gyomei I would be fully focused on his words and instructions. I would dare say that I had made great improvement after the first hour, enough that he suggested we put it in practice.

Soon enough, it turned into a hide and seek. Doing it in the mansion would have been too risky, since there was a difference from any normal hide and seek. If he found me, I would have to avoid the hits of his weapon. If I could not avoid it, fight in return or run fast enough to find a new hiding spot, if one could call it as such. So, we moved to the forest nearby. This exercise made me work on keeping my breathing steady enough to hide my presence, but also fight. It is true that, when I woke up in the morning, I did not think I would be training so intensively; I did not mind, however. On the contrary, it was an opportunity to get better, and I was going to use it to the best of my ability.

We kept this up for a few hours, the only words exchanged were feedbacks, if one could call them that. Such things as, “Too slow,” or “You are not hiding,” or directions, he knew exactly where I was. But around the end of our training, while I was very fatigued and Gyomei seemed perfectly fine, I finally got a hang of the technique. My heart swelled with pride when I heard the Stone Pillar drop his weapon on the ground with a thud, “Either you have passed out, or you have mastered the breathing,” He called from the center of the forest.

We were both drenched from the rain that had not stopped, it was helpful too with the sound of the rain to hide my movement. Perhaps was I too cocky when I acted and jumped from my spot to get a hit at the Pillar. In one swift movement, he turned around and placed his hand on my back, pushing me to the ground. It reminded me of when he had trained me when I had just joined the corps, it felt nostalgic and painful at the same time. I did not have much time to reminisce about the old times that the tall man helped me to my feet, “You must keep the breathing when you are attacking by surprise, or you will get caught,” He said sternly.

With a breathy voice, I huffed, “Excitement got the best of me,” I then waited for him to get his weapon from the ground before adding, “I would not have minded if you had gone a bit gentler on this last lesson. I still have to train with Kyojuro,” Just like with the Insect Pillar, I received a short chuckle upon calling him with such familiarity. In response, I nudged the strong man playfully, “I also call you by your first name, there is no need to mock me,” when I said so, I felt a bit dizzy but got hold of myself. It came with accidentally skipping breakfast, and I was going to fix that once back home.

“My friend, have you not realized he has been there the entire time? We have gotten carried away and have been training for a few hours now. I must praise your stamina, but comment on your lack of time perspective,” A mix of laughter and surprise escaped my lips, it was in no way close to charming. It took me some time to take in what he had said and looked at him in confusion, “Where is he? I do not see him anywhere-“ “On your left, in the trees,”

Following his directions, I only caught a glimpse of his golden mane before it disappeared. I kept walking, looking up in the trees to find him again and was startled when I heard his voice right next to me, his hand on my shoulder, “You have improved greatly, it was very captivating to observe!” He told me in his joyous tone. Not nearly as captivating as you are, I thought. At this very moment with his hair soaked, it was not defying gravity, it was different than usual, but it suited him oh so well. I was brought to reality by Gyomei’s voice telling me I was daydreaming. My reaction was to give him a half-joking look, saying I was not, before looking back at the Fire Pillar.

“Gyomei is a great teacher, indeed. I apologize for not seeing time fly. I do not know what time it is, but we could still-“ “No need! You are exhausted, you should rest, and you could also use a bath,” He teased, making my cheeks burn up in embarrassment. Furrowing my brows, I countered, “So could you, you smell like a wet dog,” His eyes widened, then the smile on his face did so too. “Then we should bathe together-“ Before he could finish his sentence, Gyomei pulled him towards him and said that I deserved to bathe and relax alone after all the efforts I put into training. He even added that they’d bathe together instead and have a talk.

As they started chatting, I bid them goodbye and told them I would go ahead. But before leaving, I glanced at Rengoku, “Shall we dine together tonight?” I did not miss the dip of my friend’s head as he smiled to himself, tears streaming down his face alongside the rain. Oh, he was filled with joy in seeing what was happening before his eyes, I could see it. “If you’d allow it, I would like to dine with you every night! Tonight, tomorrow, and every day to come,” He replied with determination, his eyes bright and full of sincerity. I was overwhelmed by how sweet it was. I could only nod in response.

“I will see you tonight,” Glancing at Gyomei, I asked if he would like to join us only to have him turn down the offer, but thanking me, nonetheless. With a curt bow, I bid them goodbye once again and hurried inside. It was easy to ignore the rain when I was on the move, careful not to slip with adrenaline running through my body. But once I stood put, the coldness seeped into my bones, the wind could be felt, and my damp clothes stuck to my body like a second skin. It felt uncomfortable with each step I took. I was very glad to get rid of all my clothes once I arrived at the bathroom and slid behind the wooden screen.

Naho told me she had left everything I needed on the stool, then bowed and left. I barely had time to thank her that she had slid the door shut and disappeared. With a content sigh, I let myself enjoy the warm feeling of the condensation that filled the room and wrapped around my form, effectively warming up my body. I did not waste time in slithering inside the burning water, it felt scorching hot on my feet, but I bore through the pain and let myself be submerged so that only my head was out of the water.

The comforting feeling of the water surrounding my form made my already fatigued body even more so; I could feel my head fall back against the bath, and as hard as I tried to keep it up, I let it rest against the edge and dozed off. Dreaming did not happen, no. I was deep in thought, thinking of what to do next with the Fire Pillar. My decision was made, I was not going to back down from whatever we had going on, and while I still had doubts concerning the long-term of what we had started, I wanted him. In my mind, I could imagine us, together, closer than what we have been until now. The tension of courtship is gone, and we are sitting next to one another, holding hands. Maybe he is telling me more about his brother, maybe he’s considering introducing me to his father.

It brought a smile to my face, albeit a sleepy one. I was too tired to feel embarrassed at liking the idea of being introduced to his family. After all, if we both survive, it is bound to happen… If we both survive that is. I shook my head and started thinking about completely different things to avoid the gloomy feeling that was settling in my heart.

I do not know how long I stayed there, half-conscious and sore, but I know that upon waking up in startlement, I had dozed off too long. “Is everything alright?” I heard Aoi’s voice behind the shoji door. “Everything is good, would you mind giving me a few minutes to get dressed?” She told me to take my time, her shadow escaping as she left. My face was burning, and I could not handle it any longer, I had to get out. It required a lot of motivation, but I was quick to get cleaned up and to get out.

With how cold it had gotten outside, I kept my towel wrapped around my form while I got dressed and exhaled loudly when I felt the comfortable fabric of the kimono against my skin. While I did miss my close friend, someone I could almost call a brother, I did notmiss how exhausted I felt after any training session done with him. Gyomei was a great teacher, a great instructor, and did not plan on going easy on anyone when getting them to improve. I was reminded of that when I opened the door and felt my back hurt as I raised my arm. Slipping on my geta, I put the cleaning necessities back where they belonged and made my way to my room.

I kept walking but had to correct my own thought, it was not my room. By far. It belonged to someone else, I had my own. Still, I did enjoy sharing it with him, it was more reassuring to sleep by his side. To wake up by it, too. I longed for a morning where I would linger in his embrace and would not feel the need to pull away in fear of getting caught too close to him, where I would huddle closer to his warmth and let my hand wander to his and hold it, our fingers intertwined. I had to force the smile off my face to compose myself as I entered his room, forgetting to knock.

What welcomed me was a sneeze and a scarred bare back as the man was getting dressed. I quickly averted my gaze and said, “You are a fool for getting a cold at a time like this,” I heard him hum curiously, his weight making the tatami creak as he moved, “You should not have gone under the rain,” I continued, my hand still covering my eyes. Secretly, I was still grateful Gyomei had not told me Rengoku was there until the end of training, I knew I would have been thrown off and for some reason I would have tried to impress him. I was also happy he had joined, but I was annoyed he did not stay inside, “Do not come to me, complaining when you will be bed-ridden again for having caught a simple cold,”

A silent gasp escaped my lips when a warm hand moved mine from my face, uncovering my eyes and allowing me to meet those bright fiery orbs that looked at me, unblinking and radiant. “I am not sick, it was dust,” He stated with a huge smile as he led me to the food, his hand holding mine tight. Huffing, a small smile adorning my face, I said, “What I have said still stands, you have to be careful. How is your wound?” When I reached to touch his stomach, stopped myself and apologized, it made him chuckle softly.

“It is alright, it’s not pretty but Shinobu said I could take off the bandage to let it breathe. It will leave an ugly scar, too,” He explained with a small smile as we sat down, his red kimono made him look even more handsome than usual. I only now noticed his hair was still wet from his bath, and found some appeal in seeing him like this, kimono half open and hair loose. “A scar is not ugly; It is just healed skin. It shows you have survived something great, if anything it makes you more unique. But never ugly,” I told him seriously before wincing as I sat down in front of him.

When I did not receive an answer from the man, I looked up and saw an expression I had never seen on his face yet. Something close to fascination and awe, mixed with such a loving gaze I felt my heart sped up, “What is on your mind?” I asked with a nervous chuckle, “You. Just you, you are so beautiful, so kind-“ “I was only stating a fact, do not flatter yourself,” I paused, seeing his taken aback expression, and with flaming cheeks, I continued. I do not know what pushed me to say those things, but I did, “If I wanted to flatter you, I would have said that nothing could make you ugly,” I met his gaze and let a smile make its way to my lips, curling into a smug expression,

“I would have said that you looked sinful like this, your hair down and loose in the warm candlelight make you look almost God-like,” I paused again, taking a calm breath to keep my tone even, “A God I would fight for, a God I would kneel for… A God I would worship,” There was a silence once I finished, the expression on Kyojuro’s face was unreadable. The air was heavy from the incoming storm, but I would also put the blame on the words I had spoken; The mood had turned someway, that I could only gauge once the golden-haired man had spoken. “That is what I would have said, if I wanted to flatter you,” I took a portion of food and added, “Which I did not,”

A hand placed itself on my knee, holding me gently. “You have a way with words, I am almost tempted to cut the wait short,” He started, his tone low and almost sultry. Then his face lit up as he sat back, a hand on his knee and the other holding the chopsticks, “But I still have to bring you flowers, or else, I would have failed this courtship,” He chuckled and while his tone was as light as his words too, his gaze was nothing near those things. His half-lidded gaze was watchful and never leaving my form, even as he brought the food to his mouth.

“I am very fond of lavender,” I stated between bites, with an energetic nod, the man said, “Duly noted! Are you knowledgeable in the language of flowers?” He asked with a sweet smile, there was a rice grain on his lips as he spoke. It made me want to lean in and kiss him gently, he licked it clean before I could even entertain the thought. Getting myself together, I shook my head. With a joking tone, I said, “I did not think flowers could speak, tell me more about it,”

The Fire Pillar burst out laughing, almost falling back. I had to grab his hand to keep him balanced, feeling the soreness in my back when I did so and hissing as I pulled him back up. His attitude changed fast as he put his bowl down and held my hand with knotted brows, “Are you alright, songbird? I did not think myself that heavy,” He joked, earning a soft chuckle from me. Shaking my head, I told him I was alright, “I learned the rough way to not let pride take the better of me in a fight,” When the lion-like man looked at me in confusion, I cleared things up, “I took a hit while training, nothing grave,”

Placing his chopsticks down, he moved to sit next to me and asked me where the injury was. I gave him a short laugh, “It is on my back, it will get better in a few days. Need I remind you that you are the one wounded, here?” I breathed jokingly. The beautiful man went to grab something from his cabinet and knelt behind me, “The difference being that I take care of myself, and you do not, but it’s okay! I will take care of you,” He said with assurance as he set his hands on my shoulders before leaning in close to my ear and asking, “Can I? I can also call someone else to do it, but you do not even know if what you have is grave or not, I think it is wise to take a look,”

Why would I refuse? The man had trusted me enough to take care of him and to treat him, never had he done anything to lose my trust, which made me nod in response. “Very well, let me,” I undid my kimono so that it fell enough to give him access to my back and leaned forward to hide the rest of myself. “Is it here?” He asked as he pressed a delicate finger in the center of my back, making me wince slightly as I told him yes.

“You have a huge bruise, and a few scratches,” His fingers grazed over my shoulder blades before trailing down my back and stopping. I held my breath, shivers running down my spine alongside his fingers, he paused again. “If it is just a bruise, there is nothing that needs to be done,” I said, wanting to get dressed again. I knew that if he continued his gentle caresses over my back, I would either fall asleep or do something we both wanted but kept delaying. “I can do two things,” He said in a joyous tone. “One,” he said before pressing a kiss on my bruise. His damp, cold, hair fell to my back for an instant, making me tense up in surprise.

Thinking he had done something wrong, Kyojuro apologized. “Your hair, it’s frozen… Your lips are not, I did not mind the lips,” I mumbled in the crook of my elbow, glad that he was not in front of me, glad that I could not see his pretty smile that turned me into a puddle. I heard him breathe happily, “I see,” before telling me in more of a warning tone, “Two, careful because this one is cold,” He then started spreading an ointment on my back, I hissed at how cold it was once more but stilled when his free hand held me in place by holding my hip, not saying anything.

I was aware he was taking longer than needed, he was being purposely slow, but I did not want to complain, I felt comfortable with his hand holding me while the other gently brushed over my back. I did not realize he had finished until he leaned over my shoulder as he draped my kimono back over my form and let his lips brush over the shell of my ear ever so lightly, “I am done. You see, I like to take good care of my followers… Keep them in shape,” I quickly straightened my back, wrapping my attire properly as I gave him a half-surprised, half-satisfied expression. “I would not want them to fall to their knees during battle, no,” He paused and went back to his spot in front of me before smiling, “Never during a battle,”

With how he was acting, I was not sure he meant what I thought he did. Is he implying it would be okay to kneel… here? I asked myself without hoping for an answer. We then both hummed at the same time to defuse the tension lightly, laughing at the odds of doing so. With a more bashful attitude, the blond gestured for us to finish eating, which we did without any mention of what had happened. No mention of the innuendos, nor the touches, nor the growing want that was doing everything but waning. Only normal and enjoyable conversation.

We slid to our futons right before the storm started, “Can I pull your futon closer?” He quickly corrected himself, “No, let me rephrase that… Can you come closer to me? If you would allow it, we could-“ His voice faltered when lightning struck outside. His sheepishness could be heard even with his voice clear and loud as he spoke, “I do not do well with thunderstorms and would be grateful if you could sing for me,”

Already half-asleep, I hummed thoughtfully before lifting myself on an elbow and looking at him tiredly. “I am exhausted, Kyo, but-“ I reached out for his futon and slid it closer to mine, earning a surprised gasp from the man. When he was in my reach, I smiled, “There,” Then I intertwined my fingers with his and brought his knuckles to my lips, placing a tender kiss on it before resting our hands on my chest. “Good night,” I mumbled.

Still slightly conscious, I felt him huddle closer as he rested his head next to my shoulder, wishing me sweet dreams.

[Part 4]

[sebbybooks]

Wreck My Daydream

Part Two

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

18+

Tagged🎄

@wayward-mikaelson

Cataglottism

(n.) kissing with tongue

I’m already wet and Sebastian barely even touched me.

I hardly gave myself a moment to be ashamed or even stir in the crass words I was using even if I had only thought them. Like a diary I suppose there was no need to lie to myself considering it was one hundred percent true. I, Nellie Lennox, was unabashedly met with unending desires that washed away my trepidations that led up to this moment.

In its place I felt this newfound sense of possibilities that I wasn’t actually making an ass out of myself with my sudden confession of feelings for Sebastian. In my defense I didn’t just wake up one morning after having some epiphany as to why I wanted to be with him. The thought of us together made itself at home in the back of my mind.

Almost like a what if. . .

However, I couldn’t help but be terrified of all the ways it could go wrong. What if I had made things weird between us forcing us apart? Life would be a bitter existence if Sebastian wasn’t around in some capacity. For the longest time I tried to find him in different relationships. It is a messed up philosophy, but it almost worked. Whenever things would get too serious it nearly terrified me. I was their someday and they were my maybe. I owed this last relationship that is still so freshly cut more than that.

I owed myself that.

On the unique and rare chance I somehow got lost in a very realistic maladaptive daydream, I’m pretty certain Sebastian wants this too. Just thinking about what he had told me seconds ago made my heartbeat drum to a dizzy rhythm. Imagining myself getting fucked to the beat of it was a completely different type of sensation.

Retraining my focus on the now I could see it in Sebastian’s face all the wheels going around in his head. Confusion? Uncertainty? Regret?

“You don’t get to do that.” I tell him. I felt like I was going to climb out of my own skin if he left me suspended in the silence for a second longer. Sebastian tipped his face closer to mine, our lips gingerly brushing against each other. Perhaps he was feeling ambivalent in regards of his feelings for me? After all this was sprung on him in the middle of the night.

Sebastian shook his head as if he was at war with himself. “I want to.” His voice was strained and dangerously low, like something was causing him utter misery being this close, yet not knowing exactly when to pull away.

“Then why don’t you.” I dared him.

I was growing impatient with this slow burn we had somehow started. I wanted to play with this fire. If I got burned in the end by his touch then so be it. At least I would forever be marked with a reminder of knowing that I at least went after something I wanted with no apology. I wanted to see how far he was willingly to go.

Sebastian removed his hand from the security of being wrapped around me. I feigned a disappointed sigh at the lack of contact. My entire body must have been on autopilot , because I didn’t recognize the position I was in. I practically sat in his lap with one leg wrapped around him and the other one mindlessly dangling over the bed. Of course the mind reader that Sebastian was naturally grabbed ahold of the side of my thigh and wrapped it around his back.

It wasn’t like I was naive to sex or never had my fair share of romantic conquest. Regardless of my experiences I still felt like a gigantic ball of nerves. The way he stared down at me with a heated look in his eyes as if he wanted to posses every inch of me. Hell, I felt like I could come undone from that alone.

The hand that was planted on my back slowly drifted downward trailing the curve of my backside gripping my ass through my thinly silk hunter green shorts that matched the top. Earlier I had berated myself for wearing scantly clad pajamas to bed. Now I am thanking my lucky stars I opted out of the option of wearing a red Christmas onesie that had polar bears wearing scarfs around their necks. They were ones my mother insisted the whole family wear.

If I had I probably would not have been able to feel his erection that was restrained in his sweatpants. Trying to situate myself closer I rocked into him slightly, massaging myself on him. My ears didn’t miss the subtle groan Sebastian let out from the feel of my weight pressing further into him.

His silence wasn’t lost on me and he still hadn’t answered my question so I did it again. I wanted him to say something. My nervousness abated at this point. I twined my arms around his neck, grinding myself against him again and again. All the while Sebastian watched my every movement with a hint of a star struck look in his eyes. The feeling was certainly mutual I was even shocking myself at my behavior.

“Nellie,” Sebastian finally says, voice husky. He usually only ever calls me by my nickname so I was more than sure that he was not fully himself.

“I’m a big girl Sebastian I can handle whatever you need to say.” I tell him, holding in my breath.

“Alright,” he said with uncertainty. “You and me, this, it’s not a good idea.” His tone was barely audible and even more so he sounded hurt. Everything in me froze.

“And why is that?” I asked him more confused than ever. Suddenly feeling absolutely self conscious as I over analyzed every intimate word I just shared with him. I was even more horrified by the fact that I was dry humping my best friend.

He let out a darkly laugh. “It’s pretty damn obvious Nells.” Sebastian says rather ominously.

“...It’s not actually.” For someone that wants nothing out of this, Sebastian was holding on to me like an anchor and I on the other hand just wanted to get away and sink.

Admittedly, I was losing this game of tug a war. There was only so much I was willing to endure even I had my limits. “You’re giving me whiplash Sebastian .” I tell him honestly, “ I’m not like those other girls you go for that are satisfied with you just dangling yourself in front of them like a piece of cake that I can’t have. I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t say it just to hear you say the same.” My voice could only rise so high in pitch.

I definitely didn’t want to wake up the upstairs guest that would love nothing more than to recap this conversation over breakfast. Then like an unexpected bolt of lighting startling you from a distance, Sebastian kissed me.

Sebastian

I am a selfish bastard.

My mind fell quiet when I looked at her. I wanted to swim in the serenity and peacefulness that was this smart, vibrant, sexy, and uniqueness this woman possessed. I only wondered even in the darkness could Nellie see my eyes as plainly as I can see hers. If so could she see the shame reflecting in them? I could feel the nagging weight of my conscience siting on both of my shoulders, arguing back and forth over what I should and shouldn’t do. It was kind of ironic that the devil in my ear insisted that I give in to the angel in my lap.

God knows I waited for her and that I would keep waiting if I had to in this lifetime or the next. It was always going to be Nellie for me. I wanted to tell her all of this, but the longer I held on to this slice of heaven I was given during this random hour. I also knew that this moment was fleeting. I basked in the way she looked at me, the way she held on to me like I was an object of virtue. I also got a sample of what it would be like to lose her the second she began to slip away on her own accord. So, I did what any poor fool would do in my position. I kissed her.

It wasn’t exactly suave or how I imagined it would go. My mouth sort of crushed against her unmoving lips in a rushed and unskilled manner. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I certainly could do a hell of a lot better than this. An yet, it was still like I predicted it would be, filled with pure unadulterated pleasure. Nellie’s lips were sweet and warm, exactly how I imagined forbidden fruit to taste like.

A perfect mixture of firm and softness that drove me wild. She flattened her hands on my bare chest as if to brace herself. Nellie pushed herself away, but her face was still so close to me. She didn’t speak and neither could I. I forced myself to look up at her and hoped that she could see I would do everything in my power to earn her forgiveness. That it was a mistake I will make right somehow.

“Nell,” I let out an exasperated breath. “ I have a need for you that goes deeper than just lust and I know that it will never truly be sated. The killer thing is I’m already at risk of losing you before I even had you.”

Nellie stared hazily up at me.“You already have me.” She whispered, our lips still grazing. Those four simple words set off a firework in me. This time when I kissed her our mouths came together like we needed to feed off of each other’s oxygen in order to survive. I’d suffer if I didn’t have it.

My mouth was greedy for hers, and I could imagine she felt the same. The moment I felt her lips slightly part open to let me in, less than a second our tongues slid together in a torrid and sensually slow pace. We kissed like a couple of eager teenagers. My heart threatened to leap from my chest when the tip of Nell’s tongue moved across my bottom lip. She tastes like gingerbread , mixed with some other divine flavor that I can only assume is Nellie. She arched herself closer into my chest and I could feel the points of her hardened nipples through her top. I seized the opportunity to press her body close because I needed more.

I wanted to feel the heat of her soft skin on mine. She returned her arms back around my neck tightly holding me in place as she angled her head kissing me back with the same ferocity. Deeply, and oh so thoroughly by the way she sucked on my tongue. I had a rough grip on her ass keeping Nellie steady as she straddled me. I was so damn hard for her. If my dick could get even harder it was bound to. Nellie did that thing again where she grinds down on my erection and I cursed at myself to not combust. I grabbed ahold of her hips guiding her to move faster, harder.

I kept telling myself to savor her, fucking take my time with this moment. I couldn’t just rip those tiny little shorts off and sink myself into her over and over until we’ve both had enough. But even then I would always need more of her. I wasn't a sentimental man, with Nellie I at least wanted to try. I wanted my first night with Nell to be a little less spontaneous than this. It wasn’t like I came prepared for festivities filled with endless fucks. Plus the added fact I couldn’t let things get too carried away especially since she still didn’t know what I have done.

Yeah, I am a very selfish bastard.

I didn’t want this to end. I wanted my mouth to explore every single part of Nellie. I wanted the taste of her to live on my tongue. I wanted to go as far as she and my consciousness would allow me.

“I need to touch you.” I panted, between every nip and kiss I left on the delicate area of skin under her jaw.

“You’re already touching me.” She says with a soft laugh, which was a melody to my ears. I was but at the same time I wasn’t. I needed to rid Nellie of any barrier that prevented me from branding her skin with my touch.

“This…off.” I tug gently on the bottom of her tank top before returning my hands to rest on her thighs, caressing them as I sucked on her neck for dear life. Going back and forth between grazing her neck with my teeth then licking over the area to soothe any imprint I’ve left.

Nellie crisscrossed her arms reaching for the hem of her top gracefully pulling it over her head. She purposely fell backwards onto the mattress aiming her shirt at my face. For as long as I’ve known Nell she was never one to be shy in her own skin.

“Imagine how unsexy that would have been if I hit my head on the headboard.”

“As long as you didn’t hurt yourself I would have just pretended that I didn’t see a thing.” I teased.

“Ah, to think they wonder where all of the good men have gone.” Nell scrunched up her nose pretending to be lost in critical thought.

I cock my head to the side. “Mm-hmm. Are you mocking me?”

“What if I am?”Her plump wet lips spread into a smile.

It was miracle I caught a word of what she said to me. I swallowed a groan as my eyes drift over the area of her body that was naked from the waist up. Nellie was clearly a stolen painting from the Louvre that I had no intention of returning. All I could do was stare.

With her legs still draped around me, my hands slide up the curve of her torso passing her ribs. I sensed that she was watching me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of her just yet. The pads of my fingers traced over to her breast and my mouth practically watered at the sight of them. She was ethereal.

“Don’t suddenly go mute on me Sebastian.” She let out a shaky breath.

I’ve heard her say my name a thousand times. Hearing her say it in this state created a feeling of warmth that filled my chest. I could only begin to imagine the different ways I wanted to hear her call out my name. My gift, my best friend, my Nellie. Those last words had a sting to them even as I thought them. Deep down I knew that was never going to be true.

I eased all the way down my tongue traveling around the dip of her navel. Creating a path up the center of her abdomen. I knew that Nell was extremely ticklish. The slightest form of contact would automatically turn her into a ninja. From the way she was pressing herself back into the mattress I knew she was trying her hardest not to flee. Of course I found it rather enticing so I made sure to spend extra time over the areas of her exposed skin I knew to be the most sensitive. Brushing the tip of my nose between her breast my mouth finally latched on to what I’ve been waiting for.

“So fucking beautiful.” I say as I graze my mouth over the stiff peak of her nipple. I was in awe over the ability that they simultaneously could feel hard yet felt extremely soft. I dragged the tip of my tongue around the bud of it in a languid movement before sucking it in deep. I loved listening to the sounds she made while I sucked and devoured as much as I could fit into my mouth. I wanted to hear a symphony of the noises that escaped from Nellie.

Going for one after the other not wanting to miss out on either. Nellie kept a limp hand pressed into my hair keeping me close as if I dared to stop.

Writhing underneath me Nellie gasped,“Touch me.”

Now she understood what I meant. My own body felt betrayed by my decision. I literally ached from pain and pleasure. Truthfully I wouldn’t opt for a better scenario than this. I would be more than gratified with giving Nellie an orgasm or two.

Still leaving featherlight kisses across her chest. With one hand I reach down and brushed along the dip of Nellie’s hip, then began to tug away at her shorts. To my surprise she was bare underneath. This was a new and uncharted territory we were crossing.

Tell me to stop, say that this is just the wrong time, tell me we would never work. Those words never escaped me, the sound of the goddamn doorbell intervened for her. My movements hesitated then shortly I picked up on inaudible chattering out in the hall. Nellie turned her head in the direction towards the door which I hoped like hell was locked. “Maybe we should go see what’s going on.” Her eyes widened.

“Or we could stay here and not shame the fact that I was two seconds away from wrapping your legs around my face while I tasted the slickness between your thighs. ” Nellie released a ragged breath and I meant every word.

To my dissatisfaction we were composed in under three minutes. I felt a strange sense of comfort and pride seeing that ever so often I’d catch Nellie looking in my direction smiling like she had some big secret she was bursting to tell. Which only made me feel like an even bigger asshole. The walk downstairs was surprisingly noisy. Someone had plugged the Christmas tree back up and there was a chilly wind breaking in as the front door came to an immediate shut.

Nellie’s parents were both moving around in a fast pace trying to find new spots to put a couple of suitcases. I had to swallow down a chuckle at the sight of their bold choice of pajamas. Nellie had already beaten me to the bottom of the staircase just as I rounded the corner of the spiral stairs.

“Cousin!” Vanessa squealed rushing over towards Nellie, who excitedly embraced her the same. They exchanged a few excitable words to each other that I tuned out. I was busy focusing on the six foot son of a bitch with a puppy dog expression on his face standing awkwardly behind them.

“Now you know Nells Bells you can’t have Christmas without good ole St. Nicholas can you?” She winked at a stone faced Nellie who just looked straight ahead at her ex boyfriend Nick. “I hope it’s okay I brought him over with me. I saw him at the airport dozed off in a chair.” Vanessa whispered as she leaned into Nell, like she just earned a gold star. Soon as Vanessa’s wild dark brown eyes caught ahold me I knew my bubble was about to pop.

“Something told me I was off the naughty list this year.” Vanessa bit at her glossed up lips and made a beeline towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She smelled like an overtly sweet perfume that tortured my sinuses. “Did you forget how to work a phone or what? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I miss you.” She cooed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nellie watching the two of us. This was my punishment.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

KAORU&TOSHIYA INTERVIEW  BURRN!! OCTOBER 2020  2/2

‘Ochita koto no aru sora’ was released as the band’s first digital single ever. In the middle of what it seems to be nightmarish situation in which they can’t predict at all what’s lies ahead, what are the hopes and emotions that these 5 people put into this song?

Text by You Masuda “We are in a difficult position, aren’t we? How long should we wait? For example, if this situation continues next year, I feel like it’s going to be complicated for us.”

Notes before reading: This is the second part of the Kaoru and Toshiya interview done by You Masuda for BURRN!! October 2020 Issue released last September 4th. You can read the first part here.

You can support and get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan.

Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. ------ (1st part here) -Once the video (‘The World of Mercy) is completed, it will become a big thing as well. However, since that song should have closed the flow of the 'The insulated world' in the first place, if it appears again in the future, it is possible that the flow becomes odd for some reason. K: That’s right. Originally, we were planning to complete the feeling of the album at Pia Arena. But actually, that’s not possible. Although we have to use this video for future activities, we have to think about what kind of presentation should be done for it. The song itself is a thing of the past, we can’t simply go like “we are publishing it (the video) for the people just because we made a clip”, it’s not interesting anymore. The heat of the enthusiasm has cool down a little. -In the meantime, the next single and its consequent video are coming out. But whatever the future is, you are about to start producing your next album.  Is the idea/concept already there? K: Well, little by little. Currently I don’t feel like we have many songs yet. From this month (August), we are supposed to start marking songs properly. -For example ’The World of Mercy’, will it be part of the next album? K: No, it won’t be included. After all, this song is the conclusion of ‘The insulated World'’. -In terms of discography, it will be a bit independent from the next album. T: I think it’s like that. In that sense, it will be like 'Ain't afraid to die'. (Note: This song is a single released in 2001 to conclude the flow from 'Macabre’ and is not included in any of the original albums.) K: Well, that's fine, right?  Probably we won’t need it for the next album (laughs) -No, of course, I'd be happy if there were as many new songs as possible. It’s not like I’m not convinced that this song won’t be included in the next album but, whatever happens in the future with your live activities, from a creative perspective is it ok to think that  flow from the album (The Insulated World) is over with this song? K:  Of course. However, I think there will be also some flow  similar to this song. That's because 'The World of Mercy 'is simply closer in time than 'The Insulated World'. But well, I don't know what will happen (laughs) -As we discussed earlier, there was also a sense of continuity in the lyrics. In recent years one of the most remarkable things that’s being said is that “there is no correct answer”, “A lie could be also the truth for a person” or something like “It may be true if you keep believing in it, even if you suspect that it may be wrong”. I felt some sense of contradiction. So, at the end of the two nights in Yokohama, I felt like you were hinting at something  with the line “Ill feelings will continue coming”, a variation on the lyrics of “Sustain the Untruth”. K: That’s simply  because it was the last song at the end of the show, like creating the image of playing it with the audience while the lights were on (Note: they used live footage for this song at the broadcasting). It was just this song  because it wasn’t included the day before. However, when it comes to lyrics, there are moments that you can think about it  in that way. -A two-night performance that was supposed to end leaving such an aftertaste. But without closing the previous flow, “Ochita koto ga aru no sora” comes into the world and goes on. I'm looking forward to it while I was imagining how is it going to be. A concrete thing about this single again is that  you have had Brian Gardner as mastering engineer for some time, right? This might be the first time you have teamed up with Josh Wilbur, who was in charge of mixing this time. Does this mean that it was the right timing to do it? K: That's right. He is very popular, so we never had a chance to work with him. It seemed possible this time, so we decided to ask him for the first time. Well, he is quite of a “on my own way" type of person. Like, he plays with the sound as he feels. The first time he sent us back what he created, we were like “what the hell is this?” (laughs) -You really didn’t see that coming, right? K: That’s right. Even if the song was processed just a little, at first there were parts that it was like “what?” “this can’t be good” (laughs). After all,  as he is a person who also does pop music, don’t you have a tendency to try to do such things? -In short, in these times, processing like that is a way to create an upgraded form (of the song) K: Actually, I don’t know if I would say that it is an “upgraded” form.  Somehow, it’s like he doesn’t want to leave it as it is. -He is simply not someone that just says, “I will make it sound good”. K: That’s right. T: Yes. Maybe he is someone who wants to leave a mark in the sounds he makes. I guess he is that type of person. But when I heard the sound that came back from the first mix he did, I thought it was "interesting". It was too different from our previous approach, but it was interesting from an objective point of view. However, at first, we sent him a provisional mix made here in Japan, telling him we wanted it to sound “like that”. Usually, the song would be sent back with that feeling (as we requested). As it came back with a completely different direction, it was like  a shoot and I was struck by it. I was a bit surprised. -You don't know what kind of person he was until you actually try to team with him. K: Yes. At first, we thought it would take him some time to do it. But as he is a person working in many things, as we told him the appropriate things, we thought he would do it properly. Actually, he sent it back to us quickly. So, when it comes to that, if we told him “please do this thing here”, he sent it back (done) soon. -In short, at first, he may not be the type of person that at the time of sending it back to you, sends you something “safe”. It’s like he doesn’t want to do it in a safe way. K: That might be true. But at first the sound of the band itself was strongly metal. -Do you mean more than what it was? K: Yes. Like the drums…. the drums were much sloppier than the final version ones. I feel like I overlooked his intentions a bit. -However, if you are in a situation where you can work by exchanging data, even if the returned idea is not what you were looking for, you will realize "Oh, can turn out like this?"  Even if it's not the correct answer for you right now, it may be a hint for someday. K: Certainly, there were moments like that. However, although it is exciting in itself, we had a strong consciousness that we were actually doing it, so I didn’t expect that much (laughs) Wanting to do it “more like this” comes out first. However, if I listen to it again later, I think that the “Oh, I see” feeling will come out. "No, we don't know that yet. It's just a song that was completed as a single. It starts from here though” Kaoru -It must have been meaningful to you to know what kind of work he would do. You said “he is a person working in many things” but he turned out to be a person that doesn’t do everything in a smooth/safe way. K: Yes. On the contrary, there are some people who won’t take the song to the extend that you want even if you can see the answer (final result) from the beginning and tell them “how about this?”. In that sense, I guess he was well suited for the task. -It’s hard to point out the specific difference from your usual sound but, after all, something feels different. K:That's right. Moreover, somehow isn’t the existence of the song itself already big?  I thought it would be difficult to put it out like that, so I thought it was he someone who would do it.

- You can hear Kyo’s mid-range singing very well. The lyrics of those parts also come up clearly.

K: Yes. But that doesn’t mean that some sound is being cut off there. Everything is coming out in a really clean way. That’s why I feel like he (Josh Wilbur) is a person who knows how to produce all kind of sounds.

-Yes. If you look at the works he has done in the past, it's not just heavy rock, it's very diverse in musical terms. (Note: The list of artists he has worked with includes not only LAMB OF GOD, MEGADETH, TRIVIUM, but also P!Nk and Faith Hill.) DIR EN GREY has had many opportunities to work with several engineers this way, but for the future….

K: We want to continue working with him. If he tried with the single and it worked out well, the next step would be the album. I wish we could find someone who would like to work with us on the next album, but I'm not sure if he will take care of it. It’s depends on what we will do in the future until we find someone like him who can do it.

- If all goes well in the future, I think you should be able to tell us about the next album you are already picturing in your imagination in a few months.  Do you think the production schedule wouldn’t have changed in the first place, even if this first domestic tour or the two-night performance in Yokohama were held as scheduled?

K: That's right.

-In other words, do you mean that you will be absorbed in production the album this year?

K: That’s right. Well, as a matter of fact, I feel that we can do nothing but to move in a different way under this situation. At least, isn’t it hard to think about doing new lives? If there were more live shows that have already been scheduled, we would think about what to do with them. In our case, we cancelled the tour, didn't we? For the time being, there are venues where the postponement is still on hold and there are other venues that are actually still booked. But, well, in the current situation, the question is if new lives should be announced at those places (that are booked).

- At the same time, even if there is a not officially announced live schedule, it does not necessarily mean you should do it in the way you originally thought.

K: Yes. So, in the end it's likely that it will be postponed again and if that happens, I think we should hold the venue again sometime next year There are a lot of things to think about, and in fact, all we talk about now is how we're going to move.

- Actually right now, is there anything left to announce after the two-night performance at Pia Arena?

K: That’s it. There is nothing that can be announced now.

- Even if you make a release schedule, the situation will be different depending if you can play lives or not. Of course, if you have a situation in which you can play lives as before, you'll want to do it as soon as possible, but we are waiting for that to be possible….

K: We are in a difficult position, aren’t we? How long should we wait?  For example, if this situation continues next year, I feel like it’s going to be complicated for us. We can't wait forever, but we can't force it ourselves. So, I can only say that it depends on the situation. For example, you're planning a tour in winter right now. Normally, we would have to announce it soon, right? But in the current situation, that is not possible. If we decide and announce it right away, we will sell the ticket according to the guidelines*  at that moment, but actually no matter when you restart doing lives, I don't think we can announce it with the minimum time in advance, and I think the guideline itself will change in the future if we announce it with months in advance. To sell the tickets according to the guidelines at that time, you would have to do (the lives) in a short span of time, like a month later.

*Japan's guidelines for events (concerts, sports events...) are measures to prevent the spread of Corona virus.  These measures  limits the venue capacity and  advocate for social distancing among other things. However, the guidelines is not  legally enforced.  

-For example, in the future, in a seated venue, you can only perform if there is an interval (empty seats) between attendees, and in such a situation, the picture that comes to your mind when you imagine a live will be different. In that case, I guess that it’s hard that this fits the way of doing lives that you have been trying to do until now.

K: That's right.

T: I think everyone has no choice but to explore the options. Of course, the idea of ​​playing lives normally should still be there, but I think we should explore other ideas as well. That's why…...there are many unclear parts, but the current situation is that it cannot be clarified. As this happens, I think there is no choice but to think about the possibilities in both directions. So, if we can do something interesting, I think we should do it, and if we can play lives in a safe environment…. the guideline may change again, but of course I want to do it right away.

-I hope the situation where we can enjoy live performances as before will return, and I hope  you will be able to do what you were trying to do this year in a similar way  in the future. When that time comes, it will be an upgraded form.

K: Of course. In fact, we are always thinking about a year ahead, no, even more…Of course, there are plans that we will keep. However, we are not sure if these things can be done as we planned. But well, we work on the premise that we can do it, and if we can't do, there will a right time for it.

-When the right time comes, you may have to do all at the same time, what you originally thought you would do and the things that you were putting aside too.

K: Yes, that too (laughs)

T: That can be tough, though.

-As soon as the touring ban is lifted, and each band restarts their live activities at once….

T: That's a difficult thing, isn't it?

K: That’s why….it might the same from the audience’s perspective but, it also depends on how much the people around the artist and live staff can resist. I want them to endure this situation until somehow, we can play live without worrying about it. What should we do so they can endure it? The hardest thing would be that they weren’t there when we can play lives again. That's why…. I hope everyone can survive this situation somehow.

My conversation with these two people ends here. I don't know how the situation will change in the future. Optimism is dangerous, but we don't have to imagine the worst. In this phase,I am grateful that the new song was released at the promised time, and I would like to get ready for the right time to come without giving up hope. However, we can’t do anything about it, just long for it.

[twentytarot]

hi everyone! i’m here with something a little different from my usual pick a card readings to celebrate 100 followers on twentytarot! it’s been just 2 short months since i’ve embarked on this journey to learn about reading for others and i’m really grateful for the support that the community has shown me since day 1. so i thought i would write about the spread i usually use for pick-a-card readings and give everyone a few tips and tricks that will hopefully be useful for you when you read tarot. thanks again for all your support, and i’ll see you in my next PAC reading! 🥰 

the spread i use is a super simple 5-card spread with no fixed positions. i’ve seen people call this spread the intuitive spread or the storyboard spread, and reading it is pretty simple: you ask your question, determine the number of cards you will need (like i said, i use 5, but 2, 3 or 7 is also common), then pull your cards and line them up single file. then comes the hard part: actually understanding what the cards are saying, without having any real guides other than the question itself. i used to struggle with not knowing where to begin, how the cards linked or what each card meant when i was bombarded with so many different interpretations. these steps helped me become much more concise of a reader, and i hope they help you too! without further ado:

TIP ONE: COMMIT

and by commit, i mean: commit to your question and commit to your cards. you want your mind to be as uncluttered as possible when you ask your question so you can be sure when the cards show themselves they’re answering the question you had in mind. ask just one question per spread to avoid getting confused about which cards are answering which question. in this spread, your question is your guide, so you have to be extra clear and specific. if you intend to have 5 cards in your spread, then stick to 5 cards. especially in the beginning, don’t take extra cards just because they all fell out at the same time. if 7 cards dropped out of your hard at the same time, i encourage you to put them back and try again.

TIP TWO: COMMIT (again)

this tip is more on negative cards. don’t worry, i completely empathise with the panic that happens when the five of cups presents itself as the final card in the spread. i’ve seen people deal with this a few ways: some people pretend they didn’t see that and draw again. i really don’t recommend this. life is not always unicorns and butterflies, and redrawing a card is not going to change that. at best, your cards empathise and frame their answer more nicely, but at worst, you draw a meaningless card because of you’re panicking and not listening to your intuition, or your cards just straight up decide they’ve had enough. so commit to that negative card, and put it down on your spread.

the other way i’ve seen readers deal with this is to immediately draw clarifiers. i also don’t really advise this. for one, that’s not committing to the number of cards your spread was going to have, which is going to affect accuracy. for another, it’s going to clutter your mind. it’s going to cause you to want to zoom into the bad card and get to the bottom of it and you’re going to subconsciously neglect the other cards just because they didn’t worry you as much. a spread like this should be taken as a whole story, and you can’t just read one chapter and know everything about it, can you?

instead, i recommend that you leave that card alone first, and zoom out. there’s only one ten of swords card in the stack, buddy. i promise you, you’re not going to get fatally betrayed five times.

TIP THREE: ZOOM OUT

the best way to make sure you don’t leave any cards out while reading is to read them all at one go first. these are the things i pay attention to when i first look at a spread, in the order:

major arcana: are most cards major or minor arcana? are they generally positive or negative? what are the cards’ astrological equivalents, and do they link or hold any significance? for example, if your spread has temperance and the devil, then that suggests this prediction might come true towards the end of the year.

court cards: again, i’m looking for astrological significance here, and linking it to the major arcana if needed. i’m also looking for double counts (eg: queen of swords and justice) that would give hints about the people influencing the situation. there are also some cards that means certain people to me and my cards, so i’m also looking out for that.

dominant suit: i like to call this the “expectations vs reality” clue. for example, if i’m reading for romance and the spread is full of swords and pentacles, then unless i’m offset by some major arcana, i can be quite sure that romance isn’t really in my near future. of course, the cards can still be read for romance and i will, but it sets the scene. similarly, if i’m reading for work and i get cups all around, then the work itself is probably not going to be my main problem.

dominant number: this doesn’t give as much information as the previous steps, but it does help with setting the scene and vibe. for example, many 1s would suggest new, good beginnings, and 5s may hint towards tougher days in the future. for major arcana bigger than 10, add the digits together until you get a number 10 or less to get the representative number.

TIP FOUR: FIND THE “PARTITION”

this sometimes appears as a card, or an imaginary line. basically, it helps you zoom into sections of the spread and tie these sections together. “partition cards” are usually:

the only major arcana card in the spread

the one card with a completely different vibe / category than the cards surrounding it

the one court card in the spread

the one ace in the spread

and imaginary lines are usually:

between cards of two different suits

between patterns in cards (for example: page, minor arcana [break] page, minor arcana...)

between the last major arcana and first minor arcana card (or the other way around)

between sets of cards with different vibes

it’s not uncommon for more than one of these to show up in a spread, and sometimes they contradict themselves. sometimes there will be a tiebreaker. take this spread for example:

the king of swords is the only court card, but the ace of pentacles is also the only ace. where’s the partition? well, i’d personally place it at the ace of pentacles. notice how on the left of the ace if the four of cups: low in energy, lethargic. on the right are much more active cards. so the ace must be the game changer, making it the partition card!

the partition, depending on the question, means a lot of things. most commonly it points you to what causes a shift in energy for the querent. in the spread above, a new beginning will breathe new life into the querent and bring them out of their slump. other times, each side of the partition answers different parts of the question. either way, finding the partition will help you figure out where the querent is coming from, and where they’re headed. once you know this, then you can zoom into the individual cards and look for specific messages for your querent.

TIP FIVE: YOU AND YOUR CARDS KNOW EACH OTHER BEST

i try my best not to interpret others’ cards. sometimes i do, but usually it’s just for personal practice and i don’t tell them what i’m thinking, and other times i’m just trying to convince myself mark lee and i are meant to be. 😂 i kid, i kid. anyway, the point is that there are many ways to say the same thing in tarot, and the reason why your cards have chosen to say it the way they have is because they trust this is the way you will best understand. so don’t take that for granted! really take every card and stare at it until you know exactly what it’s trying to tell you. sometimes it’s instant, sometimes you only get it as you’re falling asleep, but you should trust that this message was written for you to understand, not for you to decipher. the more you trust your cards, the more they will trust you. 

and that’s all! have a good day and stay safe, everyone 💕

[musical-in-theory]

Caught in the Crossfire

Chapter 1: Dealing with the Devil

Wilbur took a deep breath as he stepped out into the crisp night air. It had been a few days since he had last come out of the ravine Tommy dubbed ‘Pogtopia’. The cramped space between the walls and the stale, dim lighting were already starting to take their toll on him. He felt it in every time the arrow wound on his shoulder ached. He felt it in seeing the emotion slowly fade away from Tommy’s expression. 

He slid his favored beanie off his head and carded his hands through his, frankly, tangled and grimey hair. Even during the war for L’manburg, Wilbur prided himself on keeping up appearances, looking like the leader his men needed him to be. But now as he gazed up at the stars he hadn’t seen in a week, appearances didn’t seem to matter near as much. 

Wilbur laughed to himself bitterly. Because, well, that wasn’t quite true, was it? No, appearances mattered even more now just in a new way. He could feel himself wearing a mask every day, and he could feel it slipping now. He wore the mask of the General, the President, the guy who always had an answer or a plan. He wore it for Tommy and Tubbo. They needed to know that he was still in control of the situation. Or at least, they needed to think that he did. 

In truth, Wilbur hadn’t had control of anything since that damned election started. Every step of the way, his oh-so-brilliant plans slipped from his fingers like sand, and he watched his sandcastle kingdom crumble in front of his eyes. His plan to have a single party election? Dashed away by Quackity and George. His plan to have his old friend JSchlatt come to his aid? Went up in hellfire. His plan to just rest for one fucking moment in the country that he poured his everything into? 

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Gods, he was tired. So tired. But he had to keep going. He wouldn’t allow himself to give up. He was the man that won against Dream, a metaphorical god amongst men. Losing to one of his oldest friends… it won’t happen. The only question left was how far was he willing to go. 

Wilbur sighed and thought back to the boy who was currently sleeping soundly in the ravine beneath his feet. He wanted to use the same tactics he used to end the first war, but those tactics had nearly cost him his little brother. Wilbur shuddered as the image of Tommy close to bleeding out in his arms crossed his mind. No, Tommy wouldn’t be the one to sacrifice anything this time around.

He needed a plan. As much as he would have loved to put off making one and just adjust to the new situation, he knew that Tommy would ask about it sooner rather than later. Wilbur couldn’t afford to not give an answer when he did. That’s why he’d taken the risk to come out of the ravine in the first place. He thought maybe the change in scenery would help him think. In Pogtopia, it almost felt like there was a fog surrounding his head and clouding his mind.

He was wrong, of course. “Although it’s not like that’s anything new,” he thought sarcastically to himself. The breeze reminded him of the chill that was ever present underneath the ground. The moon provided about as much light as the lanterns did. The worst part of it all is that the steady drips of stalactites and the creaking of their wooden paths were merely replaced with the chatter of crickets and the hiss of the occasional creeper. 

Wilbur hated the sounds of creepers. The hissing was a precursor to the dreaded crescendo of an explosion waiting to happen. It was an omen of needless destruction coming soon. It all rattled in his head, ravaging any thoughts that fought to survive in its torrent. He was a man of melodies, not senseless noise.

“Well, look what we have here. A bit of a bad time to start taking night walks, don’t you think Soot?” A hooded figure jumped down suddenly from his hiding spot amongst the tree branches. His posture radiated an arrogance that could only be attributed to one man.

“Dream.” Wilbur’s eyes narrowed at the masked man. He took a few steps back and felt the pommel of his sword dig into his palm. He silently cursed himself for not staying vigilant. Just because Schlatt’s men had given up on their search didn’t mean that he was safe. 

Dream could easily see the fear and tension present on the former general’s face. He chuckled a bit, but most of it was muffled by his mask. “The one and only.” He stalked over to Wilbur and began circling him as a predator would his prey. Dream didn’t even have a weapon on him, and yet they both knew who had control here. Wilbur couldn’t help but think that this must be how the Dream team felt during Manhunts. 

Nevertheless, he tried to stand his ground. “What do you want? I highly doubt the mighty Dream is prone to midnight walks alone outside of your own territory.” He put as much venom into his voice as he could muster. Fearful or not, Wilbur couldn’t forget how he put an arrow in his baby brother.

“What do I want? Oh come on, Wilbur. Don’t be so predictable. But I guess I’ll humor you a little.” Dream began walking away from Wilbur, then stopped and turned back. “Well? Are you coming or not?” 

Wilbur knew that nothing good could come from indulging in whatever conversation Dream wanted to have. Wilbur may have been the better wordsmith, but Dream held the authority and could manipulate their discussions in whatever way he wanted. He knew this, but Wilbur realized that for the first time in at least a week, the noise and the fog had disappeared. 

Before he knew it, Wilbur was walking alongside his old enemy underneath the trees. They remained in a hesitant silence for a bit, or at least Wilbur did. Dream seemed to be perfectly comfortable leading them to some unknown destination. Dream side-eyed his new companion. “You’ve been gone for too long, President Soot-”

Wilbur cut him off quickly, “Not President anymore, I’m afraid.” He schooled his expression in a vain attempt to cover up how much it stung to hear that title again.

Dream laughed. “You’ve really given up that easily?” Wilbur opened his mouth to refute, but Dream continued, “Doesn’t matter. I’m here to change that. Like I said, you’ve been gone for too long. The Wilbur Soot I fought against didn’t just lie down and accept his fate when things got tough.”

Wilbur glared at him. “Is that what you think I’m doing?” 

“I think that you’re lost. You’re lost in your own head, confused and wandering around until the right idea comes to you, instead of going out and finding it. When I said that you’ve been gone for too long, I didn’t mean that you’ve been away from L’manburg. I mean that the you that never stopped coming up with ways to be a legitimate threat to your enemies has been gone. You let yourself get complacent in your position. Now that it’s gone, you’re floundering.”

Wilbur shook his head. He hated to admit it, but Dream actually had a point. In their war against each other, he had plans, backup plans, and adapted to every situation that was thrown his way. Getting thrown out of his country should have been child’s play in comparison to having the ground beneath his feet blown to smithereens. Yet here he was, struggling to come up with anything.

Something was still stuck in the back of his mind, however. Wilbur walked a bit faster and stood in front of Dream, effectively stopping them both. “Why should I even trust you? Only a month ago, you wanted L’manburg dead and gone. Now you want to convince me to take it back. Sorry if I’m not buying this whole ‘altruistic’ act, you’re putting on.” Wilbur spat.

Dream laughed again. “I never said there weren’t strings attached. Soot, you and I have a common goal now. You want Schlatt out, and so do I. I signed a treaty with you, because I trusted you to uphold it. And I know you trusted me to do the same. We are men of honor, in that way. Schlatt is way different. Destroying L’manburg was out of the question the minute the war was over. Consider this to be damage control.”

The masked man casually walked around Wilbur and continued on their predetermined path. Annoyance shot through Wilbur as he stood watching Dream’s retreating silhouette. When did it get so bright? He looked back towards the darker part of the forest, the part closer to Pogtopia, before catching back up to Dream. 

Wilbur had to squint a bit to see Dream next to him. He didn’t think he’d been walking for too long, but it must have been morning with how light it was becoming as well as the rising temperature. Dream seemed unaffected, but it was always hard to tell with the mask and the hoodie. 

Dream turned a bit to face Wilbur. “I’ll say it again, Soot. You’ve been gone for too long, and Schlatt’s already ten steps ahead of you,” he said as he stepped out of the woods. The light nearly blinded Wilbur as he looked out at the scene beyond the cliff he stood on. L’manburg was on fire. The flag was burning into ash with stray flames finding their way to the wall. The wall itself was haphazardly torn down, as was his beloved camarvan. Everything he fought for, everything that he used to make a home was being destroyed before his very eyes. 

Amidst it all, Wilbur could see three people standing near the flag’s base. One had a torch. Time felt like it stopped all around him as he saw that it was Fundy, Niki, and Eret. His son, his best friend, and the traitor that started it all. 

Wilbur fell to his knees as the smoke and dust swirled around him, intermingling with the fog that had enveloped his head since he first stepped foot into that godforsaken ravine. His once home burned in front of him, and yet no warmth could breach the ice that invaded the ex-President’s veins. 

He flinched as a hand on his shoulder brought him out of his stupor. Wilbur looked up at Dream. Although he couldn’t see his face behind the mask, he could feel his eyes trained on him. “All that work, all that sacrifice, and look where it got you. Powerless and watching from an outsider’s perspective.” Dream took back his hand and leaned against a nearby tree. “I never took you for someone who just waited in the wings, letting things happen all around you. Are you really the same guy I fought and lost against?” 

Wilbur tore his eyes away from the destruction of his nation and let them fall upon the masked man. Something dark and ugly settled into his chest as the weight of Dream’s words hit him. Was he the same person? Did he even want to be? The Wilbur that won his nation was the same man that lost it so easily in his arrogance. 

Dream must have sensed his confusion because he continued on, “You can be better than that. You can become what I should’ve been in order to take back what is rightfully yours. I’ll help you learn from my mistakes, but in exchange you’ll need to follow my orders to the letter.” He pushed off the tree and held out his hand toward the fallen leader. “Do we have a deal?”

Wilbur’s mind screamed at him to not take the opportunity in front of him. It shouted at him accusations of Dream’s imminent betrayal. How many times had people turned his backs on him already? His own son had even taken the trust Wilbur placed in him and tore it to pieces right in front of him. 

But that same line of thought kept him desperate for any sort of help, any sort of assistance that would be offered. Even if the one offering was an old enemy. Wilbur’s eyes hardened in his resolve, and he lifted his hand to meet Dream’s. He helped Wilbur to his feet and promptly shook his hand. The voices fell silent, and a bitter smile found its way onto Dream’s face. “Alright then, shall we get started, President Soot?”

“With pleasure.”

Thank you so much for reading! I’m going to work hard to get the next chapter out soon. Thanks to @the-ruler-of-rabbits for beta reading this for me!

Taglist:

@obsidiancreates @strawberiitea @coindoesstuff @unlikelypaperwitch @marysueoc @crazymecjc @ducklingqueen @idkhowbutimgayer @whydoilovesomanyvillians @anne-the-historian-ish

Let me know if you want added or dropped from the taglist. My inbox is always open!

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 10: ...And Happiness In Private Life(cont'd)

Masterpost AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7  Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 9(cont'd)

I've finally updated the status of the fic to ABANDONED, I was going to do that way earlier but I didn't want to admit defeat, and then I just kind of forgot... Time really starts flying by as you get older, it totally doesn't feel like 2 years passed by^^' I'm still writing scenes for later on in the fic, and I've had the general outline of the story planned for a long time, but I haven't been able to write complete chapters for any of my projects for over a year now, it's very annoying. Anyway, this is the rest of chapter 9, not my best work but at least I like the part with Toris. He's noticed Ivan's small efforts of being nicer and wants to encourage them. Thanks for everyone who read this story and sorry for not being able to bring it to conclusion for all of you who were invested!

-

Ivan sent Fredya home until Wednesday – claiming it was so he could concentrate on work, but he was sure Fredya could tell he was just fretting about the upcoming meeting. Ivan was terrified Katyushka would get carried away, and that was closer to certainty rather than possibility, and then Fredya would walk out of his life. He had known from the start that the time would come sooner or later, but he had much hoped it would fall on the later end of the spectrum. This was a wholly different case from that of his first girlfriend - the one he had been with all of three days before Katyusha started talking about weddings. She had left him the next day, not surprisingly, and he hadn’t really cared one way or the other - she had been far too practical to occupy his thoughts when she wasn’t in sight. But if Fredya left as suddenly, and he was certainly impulsive enough to do so on the spot, then... Obviously it still wouldn’t be the end of the world,of course it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, losing a home for example would be far worse than losing a companion, it really wasn’t that big of an issue when you thought about it – there was no reason to lose what little will to live Ivan had left over something that insignificant. No reason.

So Ivan would not worry about it – he slammed the door on the thought, and worked hard to put all his concentration on his notes. He had not yet studied Rogers enough, his files on the computer had sat abandoned for too long. Opening his folder, going over the routes again, verifying time codes, Ivan fell to a comfortable, familiar routine, cup of tea beside him growing cold. Rogers didn’t have much of a routine, which made observing him a challenge and data collecting a thrill. At least this was an activity that Ivan could still lose himself in despite whatever non-turmoil was boiling in his gut. Comparing coordinates, discovering overlaps, identifying patterns, data was something Ivan was good at. Data had no emotions, so it was easy to handle. Data didn’t mind his extracurriculars, didn’t judge him for his jealousy, didn’t snoop into his past. Though it also didn’t text him at 3 am to tell him about a silly dream it had. Even less it cared about whether he was coming home for the night or not. It not wanting to watch brainless, cliched superhero should have been a positive, but in the dark, the brain gets sentimental. Ivan suddenly wished he had a file on Fredya. Ivan certainly had enough data on him, though so far it was all in his brain and a few lines in his notebooks. One photo on his phone, a selfie Fredya had sent some weeks ago. It was taken with one of those filter things, Ivan wasn’t familiar with the apps so he couldn’t tell if it was instagram or snappychat or whatever others there were. Fredya had cartoon glasses on his nose, on top of his real-life glasses. He was doing a victory sign, and there was a badly drawn pink heart floating in the lower left corner, not anchored into anything. The composition of the photo was bad. A large dead space occupied the top left, a pile of dirty clothes was poking into the frame from the bottom right. The lighting was scarcely better, the only diffuser was the dust inside the light fixture. Fredya’s artistic ability was nil, though he did make for an attractive subject, harsh shadows and all. It would be nice to have proper photo of him, before he got out of reach. With a reference to guide him, it might be possible. Ivan quickly scanned his bedroom for inspiration.

Perhaps it was too much effort for 2 a.m., but Ivan rather liked the end result. The handful of stars drawn on the wall to form a suggestion of a halo – however wrong it looked on Ivan – and hands posed to form a heart on the chest, and some minor lighting adjustments on photoshop, he thought it near perfectly captured how Ivan saw Fredya. Bright, innocent, center of the universe, unashamed of his affections. Fredya wouldn’t put as much effort in to it, even if he did take his own version of the photo as Ivan had requested, but that was also good. It wasn’t in Fredya’s nature to try too hard at something he didn’t feel like understanding - such as art other than of the moving pictures variety. Together, the photos formed a piece – the fantasy and the reality. It was a commentary on expectations. Fredya may or may not look at the photo when he inevitably got up to go the bathroom sometime soon, but he wouldn’t take his own until afternoon if ever, so Ivan finally went to bed. He only had a few hours before his shift started.

-_-_-_-_-

Fredya had sent an emoji Ivan didn’t understand the meaning as response to the photo, followed by hearts and something that seemed to be an abbreviation, Ivan didn’t research the meaning. It likely wasn’t important. Ivan got coffees for everyone again, and Amanda gave him a incredulous look. It was getting suspicious, Ivan acting nice. He should dial down on the social interactions for the next few days. It would be good practice for when Fredya left him, anyway. “Oh, thank you for going through the trouble”, Toris commented smiling. Ivan studied the smile, trying to map out proportions and gauge timings, but again he failed to replicate the gesture. It kept coming out as sarcastic. He would prefer if both would just shut up and their coffees without scrutinizing his intentions. Let a man act civil to fellow humans beings in peace. “If everyone is done sitting around, we need someone to go interview Fowler’s parishioners.” Predictably, Amanda volunteered for the task. That left Ivan and Toris at the office, reading through statements, comparing alibis and viewing security footage, the same draining and pointless sinkhole of never-ending choppy black-and-white footage that glared a print of the screen in your soul, so that in the end when you lost everything else to dementia and cataracts, you would still see that stinging bright rectangle staring you in the eye, smirking gleefully, taking pleasure in removing everything one used to take joy in, and replacing itself in place of loved ones. That metaphor ran a little wild at the end, there. In all fairness, it could be intriguing work when results could reasonably be expected, but everyone and their mother knew the only thing learned from these particular ones would be just how much time were wasting on them. Even Toris, being his professional self, couldn’t resist glancing at the clock every few minutes. He would of course try to make it inconspicuous, just letting his eyes dart to his wrist and back again, but it was noticeable enough when one was more concentrated on the coworker than the work. It came to Ivan’s mind that perhaps this was another aspect of Toris he should try to simulate, rather than keep studying, his work ethic was excellent. Surely that was something most people would approve of. And Fredya did often complain Ivan was rather lackadaisical about his work, he would appreciate the effort. “How do stay so focused?” he asked sincerely. It was admirable, really, how Toris could throw himself at something so tedious. Toris blinked at him in confusion, probably surprised to see his colleague who was supposed to working beside him blatantly ignoring said work. “I’ve practiced it for years, there’s really no easy trick for it.” “Ah. Shame.” “I find that meditating regularly helps. And a good diet.” Well, that was already two things Ivan would not be trying out. “I could send you some articles  if you’d like.” “You should spend your free time on yourself. You work too much.” Ivan went idly back to his files, not really feeling like working, but deciding to at least give it a shot, but feeling Toris’ curious eyes still fixed on him was too much of a distraction. After several seconds of silence he couldn’t take it anymore. “Yes?” “Thank you. That was considerate of you.” Ivan didn’t know how to answer that. It had been such a banal thing to say. Not warranting any response, really. Just a stock phrase, however true of some people and situations - such as this particular specimen. Toris must have heard the exact same statement hundreds of times in his life, knowing that he had an actual social circle who cared for him. Ivan was outside that circle, and people rarely care for the things outsiders say in matters like these - surely Toris should feel nothing particular about anything Ivan said. There was no need for him to smile like that, it was just embarrassing for a grown man to get so giddy about faint praise. Ivan scoffed and went back to his work.

-_-_-_-_-

U maek a habot of drawning on walls huh Outside of his brief childhood, Ivan had only ever drawn on walls three times - once in a drunk, misguided bout of creative frenzy, once to write his number on an intriguing man’s wall to annoy him, and once in an attempt to save a relic of happier times for the future. Mostly when you are involved, it seems. Perhaps you are my muse for wall-related artistry It had been a while since Ivan had drawn a portrait, but now might be the time to dust off that skill set. Ivan considered himself more of a photographer, but there was also something appealing about creating from scratch. Although... he would need to keep the portrait hidden, it would raise questions and pity later on. Ivan wished he was better at abstraction, that way it wouldn’t look like Fredya to anyone else, but his mind seemed to be too observational for it. It could only make sense of things that connected together in realistic ways, it couldn’t create anything out of feelings alone. Perhaps he simply didn’t have enough of them for that kind of art. The dinner with Fredya and his sisters was a few hours away, but Ivan was already nervously ironing his clothes. He once again pleaded Katyusha to control her romantic impulses, and of course she promised, but Ivan knew that meant little. She had very bad self-control. Tasha’s picking me up, we’ll meet you there Natasha was coming? Nataliya was coming?! Fuck - what was she - this was bad news - why hadn’t she said - oh god, forget about Katyusha ruining everything if Nataliya Grigorova was coming! She never mentioned wanting to come along That sneaky little girl, she told me you said it was okay, haha He would not survive this night sober. He wanted to make a good impression. He did not want to be drunk when the only three people who mattered to him were all in the same room. He wanted to be fully conscious, to enjoy an outing with his family while being fully genuine, not just sedated into calmness. But lord knew he would not survive the night sober.

-_-_-_-_-

Remembering the fit Fredya had thrown the last time Ivan had driven not-strictly-drunk-but-also-not-sober, he was glad that they had arranged beforehand for Fredya to pick him up. Because he was observant in the most inconvenient ways, Ivan had been sure Fredya would notice something was off, maybe a smell or the slow movements to counteract the unsteady hand-to-eye-coordination, but fortunately he was too stoked about meeting Ivan’s sisters again, officially, to notice Ivan’s oddly calm demeanor. He babbled excitedly the whole way there, and was halfway across the street before Ivan had even fully exited the car. “Come on you snail! They’re gonna think we ditched them!” “It’s only a few minutes away, you can afford to slow down”, Ivan chuckled. Fredya was so adorably excited, he resembled a puppy on a walk. “Being overeager is as bad as being late.” “Beg to disagree! Pick up the pace slowpoke!” Fredya sped up ahead, Ivan kept his leisurely pace. He missed the re-introductions, but it seemed like he hadn’t been needed for those at all - Fredya and Katyushka already looked like old friends, while Tasha regarded him with a haughty look, but nary a nasty word. She raised an eyebrow at Ivan, as if saying really, you chose this clown over me?, and he simply smiled pleasantly at her. As they waited for their food to arrive, Fredya and Katyushka were unsurprisingly the only ones to hold up conversation. They had found a common ground in Star Trek - in that Katyusha had heard a lot about it, but had never watched an episode and was interested, and Fredya was an expert in all the series and films and liked talking about them. They went through the pacifistic ideas on the original series and how it sometimes contradicted itself on it, analyzing the casting choices for the remakes, some more things that Ivan had no interest in.  When their plates were brought, the were in the midst of trying to speak klingon - the attempts of both of them were saddeningly hilarious. Or perhaps they were both surprisingly accurate. Ivan had no way of knowing, the franchise being something he had never taken an interest in. Of course he liked space, but he was more fact-oriented than a fan of fanciful fiction. “You seem so young, it’s almost like you’re still in college”, Katyusha giggled, and Ivan could not agree more. The youthful energy Fredya exuded was refreshing, at least most of the time. “Never went to college, I went straight to work from high school”, Fredya explained, crumbs flying. That was the one habit that Ivan never found charming in Fredya, it was just plain disgusting. Tasha made a small chortle of contempt that passed Fredya by. “Our brother is a very intelligent man”, Tasha commented sharply, and Ivan knew exactly what she was going for – he had come to the same conclusion, himself. And truthfully, neither of them had been wrong - Fredya really was stupid. “Oh, tell me about it”, the insulted man chuckled, not understanding what was being implied. Ivan would have liked being able to defend Fredya, but the thing was that Fredya was not intelligent – intellectually or socially, and attempting to claim otherwise would have been pointless. He might have been considered smart in some useless areas, such as entertainment trivia, but faint praise is just as damning as admitting faults. Trivia! There was the opening Fredya needed to impress Tasha! “He has a master’s degree in movie trivia and celebrity gossip, if nothing else. Just give an actor’s name and he will tell you every movie they have ever been in.” “And not just that! I can also tell which year each movie came out!” Fredya exclaimed proudly. Ivan started with an easy one - Tom Cruise. Tasha did look reluctantly impressed as the titles and dates kept on coming, but refused to admit defeat. She tried her favorite actor, someone much more obscure. “Ken Foree?” “Hmm… The midnight man, 2017… Rift, dark side of the moon 2016, Cut slash pri- no wait, I think he was in Divine tragedies, 2015, Cut slash print 2012 –“ However, since

Tasha’s obsession with her brother refused to give way to respect for her perceived enemy, she realized that to claim victory she could simply ask about any non-American film star. “Anastasia Zavorotnyuk.” “Anastasia who?” Of course he pronounced the name the American way, but Ivan was still mildly impressed he could tell Анастасия and Anastasia were the same name. “Zavorotnyuk.” Tasha allowed herself a malevolent smirk as Fredya racked his brain for the name in vain. “A true expert wouldn’t limit himself only to Hollywood”, Tasha hmphed in triumphant malice, believing to have proved her superiority over him once and for all, despite not showing an ability to counter his. It seemed the point had only been to prove Fredya was not omniscient. In Ivan’s eyes, it was enough to be merely well-versed. “He does hate subtitles to the point where I thought he might be illiterate”, Ivan joked. “Hey, at least I speak the language of the country I live in!” “Verily, my darling, thou speakest with the most biting of tongues. Shakespeare himself would envy your prowess.” “The guy lived like hundreds of years ago, who gives a shit? Ivan Drago was famous in the 80’s.” “Ivan can sound almost native when he tries”, Katyusha said, trying to diffuse the argument, not knowing the workings of their relationship well enough to tell it was all said in jest. “I haven’t tried in years, I doubt I could anymore”, Ivan thought. He had tried training his accent away in high school, so he would sound less foreign in job interviews. Having a foreign name was bad enough in an application. He had never achieved a smooth, natural accent, he had to concentrate very hard which caused the words to come out very slowly and robotically, and still there was always a hint of foreign phonemes. Combined with his attempts to deepen his voice – an incredibly embarrassing failure on its own – had made him cringe, even back then. Tasha had encouraged him, of course, because in her mind anything and everything her dear brother did was the right decision. Excluding taking romantic interest in someone other than her, of course.

The rest of the evening went by in much the same fashion. Fredya and Katyusha got along swimmingly, Tasha made snide remarks about Fredya, Ivan defended him in mean ways, Fredya played along. It was all very pleasant. Finally the staff started dropping hints that it was time to vacate the table, so they got up and parted ways. Katyusya was enchanted enough to not wait long enough to be out of earshot before starting to gush about her baby brother’s relationship, which made for a perfect opening for eavesdropping. “Don’t you think Vanechka looks so much happier than usual?” Katyusya said, nearly clapping her hands in excitement. “Idiocy might be contagious”, Tashenka grumbled in response. “I never imagined he’d go for that type, but I guess it goes to show opposites really do attract!” Katyushka squeed. “It’s only for the moment. That American moron will start getting on Vanya’s nerves soon”, Tashenka claimed, not sounding too confident herself. Ivan had expected that to happen as well, in the beginning. “I hope he won’t, I think Alfred is good for Vanechka. He’s come out of his shell.” What did she mean by that? As far as Ivan was aware, he had never been shy around his sisters. Or other people, for that matter. “What’re you frowning about?” Fredya asked. “I’m eavesdropping. Katyusha likes you, and Natasha doesn’t despise you.” “Well that’s good news isn’t it?” Fredya smiled, and tried to hear the women. “Man, you got great hearing. I can’t hear them at all.” Yes, it did take some practice to achieve Ivan’s level of spying on other people’s conversations. And by then they had gotten far enough that Ivan couldn’t hear then anymore either, actually. “Your eardrums must be damaged from the all screeching you do.” “You’re walking home, asshole.”

-

Tasha + Katyushka = affectionate nicknames for Nataliya and Yekaterina. Tashenka + Katyusya = one level more intimate. Ivan is being drunk and sentimental so at the end of the evening, the way he feels about his sisters is something like most people do when seeing tiny kittens. Thanks again for reading! Maybe in like 10 years so I'll add a final "chapter" describing the rest of the plot, but I know myself and won't make any promises. I have some more snippets on the masterpost if anyone wants to frustrate themselves with a story that will never be finished.

[otpnessmess]

Daminette December Day 1: "Just A Friend"

Here we go my darlings! Hope you like this and a giant thanks to @little-kitty-kanny for being awesome and beta reading this <3

Ao3 - Masterlist

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When the new french student arrived in their class at Gotham Academy, Jon had made it his mission to befriend her before anyone else, and unfortunately for Damian, he had dragged him along. It wasn’t really that hard. Once she found out they spoke French as well as English, she was much more willing to engage in conversation with them. Had it not been for the Wayne boy dragging both of the giggling idiots back to class after lunch, they would’ve probably missed it altogether.

After that first day, wherever Jon and Damian went, so did Marinette. She was joined at the hip to the boy who looked so much like her that everyone took to calling them twins (not that they were aware of it since they kept to themselves, mostly for Damian’s sake).

Weeks went by as they explored this new found dynamic between them. Jon, being observant as he was, found it more and more amusing to witness what he was very sure was his best friend falling in love with their new friend.

The blue-eyed boy took it upon himself to get them together because, even if he would tease Damian mercilessly about it, the truth was he was worried about how closed off his friend still was, despite having lived away from his mother for the better part of 5 years already. Hell, he was not about to disregard this opportunity, seeing as how comfortable the pair were together effortlessly. Marinette had been drawing out a side of Damian that he hadn’t ever seen before. He was laughing openly in the cafeteria. If the looks everyone was throwing at their table were anything to go by, they were all as baffled as he was.

The next day, Operation “Oblivious Idiots” was a go. The first phase was set to start immediately.

Jon began discreetly giving them more and more space, making excuses to leave before lunch ended to see if they could work it out by themselves. If he was honest, he didn’t think he was lucky enough for the operation to be done before phase two, but Jon could at least hope he would have to do the least work possible.

After a week, he had to admit his current plan was going nowhere. With a defeated sigh from behind the pillar he was using as a cover to spy on his friends, he mentally kept the tally: phase two takes off right now. With that, he put on a smug expression and sat next to Marinette, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leaning into her side. “Hey, my dad just needed to ask me something, so I’m back to bless you both with my presence.” Mari’s smile could have eclipsed the sun as she snuggled against his side comfortably under the scrutiny of Damian’s eyes, who looked ready to murder his best friend. He couldn’t have known that was exactly what Jon wanted.

Superboy would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying riling up Robin. Just watching as his face contorted, while trying to hide the fact that he was very much bothered about how close and touchy Jon and Marinette had been the last few days, was incredibly entertaining in and of itself. With each passing day Jon tried to lay it on thicker and thicker each passing lunch, until one day, Damian finally reached his limit. He had been trying to keep his touches platonic enough to not make Mari uncomfortable but not innocent enough that his best friend would ignore it. This day in particular, he had started to feel a bit frustrated. It seemed like he would have to start planning out a phase three if the two dumbasses he called friends decided to keep ignoring their feelings, so he decided to just land a low blow as a last resort.

It hadn’t been a grand gesture like he had done a couple days prior, just a sassy comment whispered in Marinette’s ear that made her laugh and a soft kiss to her temple. Nevertheless, it was more than enough for Damian to scoff and take a quick leave in the direction of the stairs that led to the roof. Jon saw him leave with a little smile. ‘How predictable.’

“You should go see what’s wrong. He usually trusts you to talk about these things.” With a nod and worry etched into every nook and cranny of her face, she got up and followed in Damian’s footsteps, leaving Jon to silently root for her.

By the time Mari reached the roof, he was leaning over the railing with a scowl on his face. She wasn’t completely sure why that was, like sure, Jon had been acting sweeter to her that week, but it wasn’t really that strange. A lot of her friends back in Paris were just like that. Damian seemed angry at something, which made her approach him the way one would a sleeping bear, careful not to poke it with a stick.

“Dami?” Her soft voice made him glance at her, and for just a second she could see the anger dissolve into something she didn’t want to put her hopes on. “Are you okay?” Marinette walked closer and leaned on the railing next to him, not wanting to invade his personal space right now.

“I’m perfectly fine. Don’t worry.” He tried to make it sound nonchalant, but she could see his white knuckles as he was gripping the railing, as well as his furrowed brow. Gathering courage from the deepest parts of herself, she gently ran her fingers over his clenched fists trying to get them to relax. “I don’t believe you.” Once she felt his hands give way, she wrapped them in hers, not caring how this could come across, as long as it helped calm down the boy she had fallen for during the course of the months since she came to Gotham. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed something has had you on edge the whole week, Dames. What is it? Maybe I can help.”

Green eyes met blue ones, and he didn’t know how to explain it to her. The word jealous was something he would never acknowledge could apply to him, but seeing the worry and need to help the tiny French girl was harbouring within herself made him feel guilty about it. She wanted answers, and he wasn’t about to back out like a coward.

“You’ve been awfully close to Jon.”

Once blurted out, the words hung out in the space between them, freezing them for a moment. Damian could see a shadow of confusion clouding her eyes and could only sigh before elaborating. “He’s always touching and hugging you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of you.”

Marinette’s face quickly morphed from confusion, to understanding, to (surprisingly) smugness. “Damian Wayne, are you jealous?” A smirk wormed its way to her lips as Damian’s brain short circuited, supplying only the thoughts of ‘Danger’, and ‘That’s...kinda hot’. However, his face remained stoic as ever out of sheer muscle memory.

“I am absolutely not jealous about whatever little thing you and Jon have got going on. It just annoys me that I have to spend my lunch watching you two make googly eyes at each other and clinging to whatever body part you can.”

A flash of hurt across her face was all it took for Damian to want to hit himself for being an idiot. “No, wait, I didn’t mean-”

“Then, you probably don't mean that if the situation was reversed you wouldn’t mind it if it was you clinging to me?” ‘Wait what.’ Damian was left reeling in an uncharacteristic manner while Marinette looked like she was about to hit him. “Tell me Dami, would you still be complaining if you were the one that got to hug me?”

Despite the bravado display on the outside, she was positively terrified on the inside. What if he really was just annoyed at her hogging his best friend all to herself? If she went through with her plan and messed it up… There would be hell to pay. But, she wasn’t willing to back off now, and she held onto whatever confidence she had left.

Hearing a mumbled no fall from his lips made her incredibly relieved and made her giggle. “Are you laughing at me, Dupain-Cheng?” His remark only made her giggle more as she looked at his rosy cheeks. That was new.

“Maybe” she chuckled. “I only wish you had told me before, it might not have taken me so long to do this.”

Damian had a grand total of 0.5 seconds to register how Marinette stood on her toes, reaching to cup his face and gently pressing her lips to his. Once he did, though, his possessive side appeared. He pulled the girl closer by the waist and pressing their foreheads together the moment they had to break the kiss to breathe. The boy knew the nagging in the back of his mind wouldn’t cease until he cleared his doubts, so he stared into Marinette’s eyes as he asked. “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you and Jon?”

She looked extremely amused at this. “100% He’s just a very good friend to me, almost like a brother. Now, you on the other hand…” She just had to blush and avert her eyes, didn’t she? As if the overload of cute would help Damian organize his jumbled thoughts.

When the duo came back down from the roof, lunch had finished, as well as the class they were supposed to attend after it. Jon was waiting for them next to the doors with the biggest grin he could muster. “You’re very welcome you two. Now I’ll be happy to accept ice cream, and an invitation to your wedding as payback, if you don’t mind.”

-

Woo! And there you have it. I am planning to write at least something short for each day and maybe swap out some prompts I don't feel too confident in doing so look forward to that! Also if anyone wants to be tagged in whatever I make during this month feel free to ask. Much love <3

@daminette-december2019

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Tower Of God Anime Episode 1 Breakdown

Spoilers so Anime only’s beware.

-The two hot boys have shown up. Interesting they’re both under honor and pride, since the two hate each other’s guts. Hatz strives to bring honor as swordsman and places a lot of his pride into that. Meanwhile, Khun strives to regain his honor taken away from him after his exile, and his overwhelming pride causes problems for him.

-In this small scene, there’s so much symbolism about Endorsi’s character. First, we focus on her shoes, which links to the idea of how Jahad’s Princesses are called the shoes in the king’s showcase. Right now, she is a shoe, walking towards her destiny of entering the tower. Then we get a shot of her face, a mix of adorable and pretty. These two shots indicate what everyone sees when they first meet Endorsi, a princess and then just a pretty face. Until it finally pulls back and shows the many other shoes in the showcase, to which Endorsi is compared to and what people hope she becomes. However, she stands outside the case because she wants freedom from her duties as a princess.

-Another interesting thing about the showcase shot is that while Endorsi is at first front and center, she’s ultimately dwarfed by the many other shoes that come into frame, showing that even if she’s a princess, she’s just one of many and can easily be made (replaced) again.

-The power and influence line shows Endorsi wants. She wanted power to become stronger than the other girls at her home, and eventually she gained it. Now she wants power to become a popular princess, which will give her influence. With her influence she might be able to change something about the princess system, just like what Yuri wants.

-Shibisu is under the money and wealth, replacing Narae. Now, we don’t actually know Shibisu’s backstory. We’ve gotten hints of it such as someone taking something from him, but we don’t know the full story. Might this give a clue into his past?

-Anaak is probably the most easiest to explain. She wants revenge on the Jahad family for her mother and father’s deaths. However she eventually mellows out with this, preferring to keep her teammates safe then strive for revenge (like in the Name Hunt Station Arc)

-Rak wants to transcend all. Basically become stronger than anyone, and he’ll gain this power by hunting down strong prey and proving he’s stronger.

-I can’t really do an analysis of the op cause most of it is just Bam walking and stuff, so here are my fav shots (Though the yellow one scares me). Interesting that we get a shot of the Jahad symbol in the op, though it makes sense with just how important it is. Though I don’t know what was up with the bird. I guess it’s meant to represent freedom, but ToG is more full of water metaphors than sky. (Also the only time birds are relevant in ToG is when they appear and then die)

-I love Rachel’s little smile after Bam tells her he doesn’t want her to go up the tower. It seems like she’s smiling to calm him down and explain the situation, however you can also see the fakeness in it. She isn’t smiling because she feels bad for Bam, she’s smiling because she feels like she has to.

-This shot still confuses me. It’s like the tower itself is vibe checking Bam.

-Subarashi

-Bam subscribes to the “No Waifu, No Laifu” train of thought. And just as I predicted, people are already calling him a simp. I guess I can let it pass for now, but’s gonna get annoying if people keep calling him that, even after S1.

-Thus, the meeting that forever changed the tower’s fate has occurred. And it all started with a kick to the face.

-Seeing Yuri and Evan together makes me happy. They’re such a great duo that feel better together than split. Also I’m interested in the language they’re using. Is it a real world language, fake, or a mix of a few languages? Either way, it seems that Yuri and Evan might be able to understand each other without a Pocket (maybe because Evan’s guide abilities allow him to know every language in the tower?)

-Gotta say, the CGI looks very crappy, especially in mix with the extremely cartoony style of ToG. Hope we don’t get to much of it.

-Why are they saying Non-Regular. It’s supposed to be Irregular. The trailers got it right, so why is this different?

-Love how Bam’s the only one who reacts to the threat of execution. Evan and Yuri probably hear that on a daily basis so it doesn’t matter as much.

-Yuri went from shitting on him to wanting to fuck him in a second. Normally I’d criticize such a thing but since Yuri has a different agenda, and the circumstances between princesses and men, I can’t blame her for wanting a handsome man to go up. (Seriously all the princesses must be sexually frustrated)

-Anaak’s my favorite girl in S1, but I think Yuri’s gonna convert me if she has more of these great faces.

-Another translation error, but one also translated wrongly in Japanese. It’s supposed to be needle, but they say katana (sword in japanese). If I’m remembering correctly, only one 13 Month Weapon is actually a sword.

-Poor Evan. Then again, even if it seems he has a weak hold on her, he’s probably the best one for the job. Since he’s one of the highest ranking guides, he’s probably stuck taking care of either hard to handle or strong princesses.

-Their relationship is adorable. I have a thing for tall girl x short boy and this fulfills it all the way. Also, Yuri saying she hates being bored is really telling of just how much of an adventurous spirit she has. Even in the tower where things are hectic all the time and she works under Jahad and Wingtree, she still desires a world outside of the norm. I wonder if meeting Phantaminum really broadened her horizons that much?

-Love seeing all the buildup just to get to Bam being eaten. It’s a great way to subvert expectations from him just cutting it normally. Also in the manwha, Yuri says the needle is for stabs and pierces, probably giving Bam the idea of entering the eel.

-Also Yuri for best big sister in anime pls.

-”Welp, let’s go home”

-Yuri was about to try and punt an administrator. How can she walk in such dense shinsu with balls as heavy as hers

-Can we talk about the amount of trust in Yuri and Evan’s relationship. Sure, Yuri protested when grabbed by Evan, but when she heard that Bam had taken the right path she immediately stopped fighting or rushing to break in there. Even if she couldn’t figure out what the path was supposed to be, she believed in Evan’s words that Bam had done it right and stopped fighting.

-Bam’s gonna need a bath

-I love these two shots. Just the raw determination Bam has is inspiring. We should all be like Bam, except maybe focus that determination into a hobby or work instead of stalking a girl.

-Yuri about to punt Headon part 2

-This scene had me tearing up. No matter how horribly the two’s relationship progresses in the future, this scene will always be sweet because it’s the two’s raw, positive emotion. Bam was stuck down there for weeks, months, maybe even years, and finally someone comes along and says they’ll be there with him. Even if he didn’t leave the cave, his world got brighter just by having Rachel there. I’m glad they included this scene because it shows why Bam is so desperate to get Rachel back, to get his light back.

-This is precious

-I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but Rachel looks adorable

-These shots are so simple yet so powerful. If only they could have stayed like this

-Bam is smooth. This dude spent years in a dark hole with no one to talk to and yet he can still pick up girls. Also I think this scene shows that Bam and Rachel have more of a sibling relationship. Ruffling his hair is more of a big sister type of thing.

-Based on Yuri’s reaction, this is probably the most determined she’s seen Evan

-Black March is top tier waifu material even though she’s just a needle. I like that the animators made her look more mature. It shows that she’s an old weapon without needing to say it.

-BEGONE THOT

-I love how Black March’s preference in men was a superstition. Also can we talk about Evan’s face in the last panel? It’s beautiful.

-Honestly, it’s hard to tell who’s in charge of who

-That feeling when a sexy, needle lady will never hold you in her arms, why even live?

-I love how Bam’s first reaction to entering a new place was to eat it’s grass. Bless this precious child

-And finally, it ends off with the RaKhunBam trio. I’m so happy to see all three of them together.

This episode had it’s good points and it’s bad points but either way I’m excited for the rest of this journey, especially seeing the anime onlys reactions.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

A New Adventure - Pt. 7

A Slow Burn 

I think the title speaks for itself... We’ll see how long I can manage it! (I predict not very long at all)

Masterlist 

Read on AO3

It’s been a week since the big earthquake. You read that there’s been over 200 documented aftershocks. Most have been under the 2.5 range, meaning they’re barely noticeable without equipment. However, there were some above 4.1, meaning they were enough to frighten you and Arthur. 

As you predicted after spending the first night with him, nothing between you and him has been the same. In a good way though. 

Arthur was an ideal gentleman that night. Of course, you expected nothing less from him. He was the last man you needed to worry about. 

The morning after the quake, you woke up to an empty bed. He walked in about five minutes later with a cup of coffee for you to drink in bed. 

There was a tense, awkward silence. You weren’t quite sure what to say to him. “That was great, I hope we do that again”? No. “Thanks for letting me sleep all packed against you”? Worse. 

He broke the silence by explaining there’d only been a few small aftershocks. 

“Guess… guess we need to talk. About last night,” he’d said. 

“Guess we do. I… I understand if you prefer to sleep in the other bed.” 

He smiled and looked away. “Well, I was thinkin’... it was nice… to uh, not be alone for once. I didn’t expect to sleep last night with all the rumblin’, but… I slept surprisingly well.” 

You couldn’t but smile back at him. “Me too. Thank you, Arthur. I don’t think I would’ve coped if you weren’t here.” 

He surprised you yet again by gently grabbing your hand and squeezing it. 

Since then, the two of you have been more touchy with one another. Not in any sexual or romantic ways of course, but just the small bump here and there, and the occasional hand holding. He’s also taken to sitting on the same couch as you, as though he likes the physical closeness. 

You’ve always had a suspicion, even when you only knew him from the gang, that Arthur was secretly touch starved. His behavior now only solidifies that. 

You aren’t overly touchy, but you find yourself making an exception for Arthur. 

More and more, you want to ask him to be your boyfriend. You can’t tell if he likes you in that way though. However, it’s not just the complexity of his situation that prevents you from asking him. It’s only a matter of time before he figures out you’re not worth his energy. 

The thought breaks your heart, but you decide to enjoy his company while you still have it. 

Lately you’ve been testing how he reacts to you, to see if maybe there is something between the two of you. 

One night, you’d walked up behind him while he was sat on the couch and brushes the back of his shoulder, claiming his shirt was laying in an odd position. This was a downright lie of course, but you noticed the back of his neck burned red after your touch. 

Ever since that night after the earthquake too, he’s been more flustered around you. Not that you’ve been any different. It’s almost impossible to look him in the face without blushing. 

There’s still lots of aftershocks from the quake. 

After the first night, you thought Arthur would spend the nights with you in your bed. However, he chose to sleep in his own bed but said you were welcome to bother him should anything happen. 

This bummed you out. Perhaps he didn’t like you in that way. Maybe he blushed whenever anybody touched him. It’s not like he was used to it, afterall. 

Your feelings towards him have become confused and indecipherable even at times. You still love him as the sarcastic, tough, secretly sensitive outlaw protagonist from the video game you love, and you still have a raging crush on him as a person. However, why waste your time and energy on loving him that way if the feelings aren’t returned? 

You’re rather draggy today, a combination of poor sleep and the fact that you cried yourself to sleep. It wasn’t just the constant stress of the aftershocks. Your depression and doubt had gotten the better of you last night. 

All you could think of was how no one seemed to want to stick around you, that you were just a giant waste of everyone’s time. That Arthur would be far better off if he’d been discovered by someone else. 

You didn’t even consider the fact that without you, Arthur would probably be in a horrible place. Either back in the game and dying/dead or in a mental hospital being treated for an illness he didn’t have. 

The only thing your brain could focus on was that, just like everyone else in your life, Arthur would leave too. After all, your dad’s dead, taken from you by force. Your mother is too occupied on herself to give you the time of day. Your only sister, whom you’ve never been close with, lives in a different state. You don’t have any friends. You’re just one of those people that exists to take up space. It was not a good place to be. 

Arthur knew from early in the day that you aren’t yourself, that you’re far more quiet than usual. You lack your usual excitement towards Sage as you prepare to feed her is gone.

“You okay?” Arthur says, sipping his coffee. 

“What?” you say, completely lost in your head. 

“I said ‘you okay?’”

“O-oh. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

You decided this morning that you need to shelve your attractions to Arthur. He doesn’t like you in that way, in fact he’d be a fool to. But for your own mental health, you need to take a step back. 

Part of you wishes you’d never asked him to spend that night in your bed. It’s made things so much more complicated. If only you’d been strong enough to handle the night alone. 

“You don’t seem fine,” Arthur says, pulling you back out of your head. Damn it doesn’t help he’s wearing nothing but his union suit and his jeans, so you can see the definition of his body fairly well. “Ya seem… I don’t know, sad for some reason. Just kinda down.” 

Tears begin to well at the bottom of your eyes. Of course. You’ve been trying so hard to keep yourself together, but the moment someone asks if you’re fine, you have to break down. You turn away and wipe your eyes so Arthur won’t see. 

“I’m fine, Arthur. Like I said. Do yourself a favor and… don’t worry about me.” 

You turn back to Sage’s food. Poor dog, she’s been patiently waiting for a while now. 

Suddenly there’s a hand on your shoulder. 

“But I do worry about ya, Y/N. Y’know, you done so much for me. I know I been a… a burden.” 

“You ain’t been-” you start. 

“No, I have been. Please, let me… let me finish. I know you’ve had a lot of stress. From what I can gather about your time is that it’s hard. In different ways then my time was hard. This world moves so fast, I can hardly keep up with it and I barely have a part in it. I know it ain’t easy on anyone, even you. Then I come along, make things harder. Know my meds have been expensive. Then these earthquakes. Please, let me help you for once.” 

“You’ve helped me, Arthur,” you say, feeling incredibly embarrassed. “I mean, you got all that money for me when this COVID crap hit.” 

“Sure, but… Please, Y/N. Lemme help ya.” 

That’s all it takes and you’re breaking down in front of him. God, he must find you pathetic. It’s no secret he’s got a short fuse and doesn’t often have the patience to deal with emotional people. With his background, he has to be tough and it must be easy for him to find you weak. 

“Please, Arthur,” you beg. “Please don’t worry about me. It’s fine, I can deal with this on my own. Besides, you have your own stuff to worry about.” You wipe your tears, unable to muster the courage to look at him. 

A finger goes under your chin and lifts your head up gently so you have to look at him. Instead of the anger or annoyance you expected, you see pity and worry. 

“Ain’t got a whole lot other than you to worry about, sweetheart. I just wanna help ya.” 

“I… I can’t,” you whisper. How can you tell this man that you’re growing to love him more than any other person. He can’t know, and you wouldn’t even know how to begin to tell him. 

“Why not?” he asks. 

You swallow and look away. “Because you wouldn’t understand, Arthur. You and I… we’re nothing alike. We’re cut from different molds. I wouldn’t begin to wrap my head around the burdens on your shoulders, so I don’t expect you to understand mine.” 

“Try me,” he says with a small smile. 

He leads you over to the couch and sits you down on it. His eyes are soft and gentle, but he doesn’t press you to talk immediately. After he hands you a tissue, you decide it’s safe to at least tell him some of the things you’re feeling. 

“Arthur I… I know you know how it feels to just not live anymore. What it’s like to long for death. Well, I… I guess I been feeling that a lot lately. I just… I don’t matter to anyone.” 

You sniff and wipe your eyes again. He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “And please don’t give me that trope of ‘there’s people who care, blah blah blah’ because I don’t see them.” 

You tell him about your past experiences with people and why you prefer being alone and how you expect you’ll die alone. 

“People just don’t like me, Arthur. Everyone figures it out in the end that I’m just not worth being around. There’s not a single person in this world whose life I’ve affected.” 

“Then I guess it don’t matter that I owe you my life.” 

You look up at him, your eyes wide. He scoots a little closer. 

“Y/N, who cares if ya don’t make a difference in this world? Most people don’t. Most people are barely remembered five minutes after their deaths except for those they were close to. Trust me, you’ve no idea the effect your death would have and there’s no way for you to know, just like the rest of us. And please don’t say you don’t matter to no one, because… you matter to me.” 

He takes your hand and squeezes it softly. Instead of feeling the affectionate flutter of your heart you expected to feel, you feel a soft tenderness and surge of friendship towards Arthur. It’s this moment you realize that he’s the one person you can trust to tell anything to. Already you feel better. 

“Thank you, Arthur,” you say, squeezing his hand back. “You’re a good man.” 

“Nah, I ain't. You don’t know the things I done.” 

“I know some of them. Bu you’re a good man to me.” 

[toomuchofabastard]

Heaven’s Final Betrayal (2/6)

[ < CHAPTER 1 ]

Fandom: Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Aftermath of Rape/Non-Con, Dissociation, Crying

Word count: 3,724 (total 6,590)

Fic Summary: It was obvious that Heaven wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about Aziraphale’s role in preventing Armageddon. But neither the angel nor Crowley could have predicted how far they were willing to go to get  revenge, and now Aziraphale needs him by his side more than ever.

READ ON AO3

___

They rematerialised in the doorway of Crowley’s flat with a faint pop.

It was dark inside the flat compared to the bright glare of Heaven. Golden rays from the setting sun lanced through the window blinds and painted bars of light across the concrete walls. The air was warm and still, giving the place an intimate, secure feeling - a definite improvement on the previous environment, thought Crowley, although not as welcoming as the bookshop would have been. But he didn’t want to risk going back there until he was certain Heaven had truly washed their hands of them. Plus, after having to stand by powerless and watch… that… happen, he badly needed to feel in control right now. For all his apathy, this flat was a sort of home to him. He’d sculpted every inch of it himself, willing it into being just like the constellations and nebulae all those millennia ago. It was his, not just something Hell deigned to allow him. He already felt less impotent just being there. He wished he could put his sunglasses back on, but they were presumably still lying cracked and splintered on the floor of Heaven somewhere. Finding a new pair would have to wait. There were more important things right now.

Aziraphale stirred next to him, glancing up. The angel seemed to take in their new surroundings; his eyes still dull and glassy, but glimmering briefly with recognition. Then they went blank again and he returned to staring mutely into the middle distance. He didn’t seem to really be seeing the scene in front of him. He just looked frozen in place, like all the life had been stolen out of him. It pained Crowley to see how he was shrinking in on himself, making himself as small a figure as possible.

He drew back, both to give Aziraphale space and a cautious look-over. The angel was a mess; bowtie askew and clothes rumpled. His eyes were rimmed with red, still damp, and there were faint ghosts of now-drying tears trailing down his cheeks. His lip was bleeding where he’d bitten it. His brow remained furrowed with sorrow and shock.

Crowley swallowed and licked his lips. “Um. We… we should get you cleaned up, angel,” he said. No response.

He wrapped an arm across Aziraphale’s stooped shoulders and began to gently steer him towards the bathroom at the back of the flat. Aziraphale followed numbly where Crowley led, although his nostrils flared and eyebrows scrunched further with pain as he hobbled along. Crowley’s verdant houseplants seemed almost to bend closer with curiosity as they approached, but Crowley didn’t even need to glare at them for them to shrink back immediately, as if sensing the rage buried underneath his calm exterior. His fully-golden eyes were testament enough to that.

The bathroom gleamed as if brand new. Actually, Crowley couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in there. He didn’t need it; it just sort of came with the territory of pretending to be an affluent, propertied human. He turned to Aziraphale and shrugged his jacket off of the angel’s shoulders. He was intending to miracle away both his and Aziraphale’s clothes (not an action that was new to him), ready to bathe the angel, but then he paused. Was that the right thing to do here? He didn’t give a blessed fuck if his clothes got ruined by the water - he could just miracle up replacements - but he didn’t want to make Aziraphale uncomfortable. Wouldn’t it be weird if he was fully clothed while the angel was naked? But normally both of them getting undressed meant something else, something that might also set off alarm bells given the current situation. He weighed up the two options, and found them both wanting. Maybe he was overthinking this.

He turned back to Aziraphale’s motionless form, hesitated briefly, and then with a snap of his fingers, everything but Aziraphale’s trousers vanished and Crowley was stripped down to his underwear and vest. The clothes reappeared on the other side of the room, folded and draped neatly over the towel rail. Crowley nodded to himself. Hopefully this compromise should prevent him from making things any worse.

Aziraphale flinched a little as his skin was exposed, and drew his arms even closer to his chest, until he was practically hugging himself. Trying to ignore the stab of grief that arose at the sight, Crowley tenderly rested a hand in the small of the angel’s back and guided him into the shower cubicle. Aziraphale stood silently where he placed him, eyes downcast.

Now for the hardest part, Crowley thought. He swallowed. Then he reached out and laid his hands, as gently as possible, against Aziraphale’s hips, thumbs brushing the top of his waistband.

“Can I?” he murmured.

There was a beat, and then Aziraphale looked up at Crowley like he was noticing him for the first time. He looked wretched. Crowley thought for a moment that he was going to burst into tears. But he just averted his watery gaze again and then nodded ever so slightly.

Crowley exhaled and flashed him a weak smile of reassurance. Aziraphale didn’t respond. Moving gingerly, Crowley hooked his thumbs into the top of Aziraphale’s trousers and began to slide them down. He stayed upright, being sure to stand close, but not too close, and always within Aziraphale’s line of sight. He felt the angel quiver away from his touch, but he stayed still as Crowley carefully lowered his trousers and underwear to the middle of his thighs, and then miracled them away to join the rest of their clothes.

Crowley breathed out shakily. That was over. Next step. Trying to avoid looking directly at Aziraphale’s exposed body, he reached past him for the shower taps. The top-of-the-range waterfall-head shower system had never actually been connected into the plumbing, but that didn’t matter. Crowley yanked on the control lever and sparkling, perfectly-heated water cascaded out as if falling from the streams of Eden itself. It rained down on them, soon soaking Crowley’s remaining clothes and plastering his dark hair flat to his scalp.

He snatched a washcloth from the shelf and wetted it under the torrent. Then he lifted it cautiously to Aziraphale’s face and dabbed as delicately as he could at his bloody lip. The angel’s lip twitched but his expression remained frozen as Crowley swept away the sticky, congealed blood.

Once he was done, Crowley took another deep breath. He desperately wanted to caress Aziraphale’s face and lace his fingers through his hair, to place the softest of kisses on his forehead in the hope that it would bring him any measure of comfort. But he was sure that in his current state, Aziraphale would recoil from his touch, and the thought of that reaction wounded Crowley too much to risk it.

Instead he took the wash cloth and began to run it softly across Aziraphale’s skin under the warm water, starting in the hollow of his shoulder and working gently outwards towards his arm. He noticed Aziraphale’s breath quicken under his touch, but he let Crowley continue without interruption. Next, up and down his arms in long, smooth strokes. It didn’t seem to remove any of the tension in them like Crowley had hoped. He glanced up at Aziraphale’s face. His expression remained pained and vaguely confused, and his unfocused eyes were now shifting around as though he was deep in thought, searching for something. Like he just couldn’t process what had happened. Crowley couldn’t blame him.

Crowley gulped and forced himself to move down Aziraphale’s body to run the cloth over his knees. His skin there was already mottled with deep, ugly bruises like crimson stormclouds. He seemed to be holding most of his weight on one leg too. Marks of violence and hatred, written onto his body. Crowley shuddered and tried very hard not to recall what had caused them, as he mindlessly ran the cloth along the angel’s legs. The hot water sloshing over him almost lulled him into a trance.

He was stalling and he knew it. At some point he was going to have to confront the most obvious evidence of what had happened. Fuck, how had it come to this? This should never have happened. It wasn’t right, wasn’t fucking right. He shouldn’t be crouching here, doing his best to look after a traumatised Aziraphale. His angel. His angel wasn’t meant for pain like this. God, he didn’t deserve this. It wasn’t fucking fair.

Crowley steeled himself, and then shuffled around until he was positioned behind Aziraphale. For a few moments, he couldn’t bring himself to look. Eventually he lowered his gaze to Aziraphale’s backside. Oh God… there was blood back there. And other - ngk - …fluids. He suppressed a retch. Those bastards.

A spasm of pain shuddered up Aziraphale’s body as Crowley began to wipe him clean. Crowley looked up at him. His eyes were blinking rapidly but stayed fixed doggedly ahead, and his throat seemed to be convulsing like he was suppressing the urge to cry out. His leg jerked away as Crowley continued, and he sniffed sharply.

Bastards, bastards, bastards, thought Crowley. If he kept repeating it over and over he could drown out any thoughts about what he was actually doing. He hated having to cause Aziraphale further pain.

The blood soon washed away, mingling silently with the pristine water and vanishing down the drain. Fortunately, the bleeding seemed to have stopped some time ago, and there wasn’t as much as Crowley had initially thought. He straightened up and tossed the washcloth aside.

“All done,” he breathed out. Aziraphale seemed to relax a little.

Crowley reached behind him and flicked off the tap. The cascade ceased immediately, leaving the room unsettlingly silent. He could hear Aziraphale’s breathing, now more laboured and fitful than it had been before. Sighing sadly, he helped him to shuffle out of the cubicle.

He made an upwards gesture with his hand and a very large, very fluffy towel appeared. “There we go,” he muttered, as he carefully wrapped it around Aziraphale’s shoulders and pulled it close around him, completely enveloping the angel in its softness. Aziraphale just stared emptily through him. Crowley sighed again. The silence was killing him. He wished Aziraphale would just… do something. Say something. Come back to him.

Now that the towel was wrapped around him, Crowley was able to see every minute movement of Aziraphale’s body more obviously. He was still shaking like a leaf, Crowley realised. The hot shower hadn’t relaxed him at all. He looked up at the angel’s face. A small gasp forced its way out of this throat at what he saw. There were silent tears leaking steadily from the angel’s hollow eyes, and running down his cheeks in tragic imitation of the rivulets from the shower.

Crowley’s heart broke for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“Oh angel.”

Crowley couldn’t stand it anymore. He hastily reached out and, heedless of how Aziraphale might react, coiled his arms around him and drew him close, pressing the angel’s shivering body into a tight hug against him.

At first Aziraphale didn’t appear to react, but then Crowley slowly felt him raise his trembling arms, and return the embrace. Suddenly Aziraphale’s legs seemed to weaken and Crowley found himself tottering as he tried to hold the angel up. They sunk slowly to the floor, where Crowley knelt with Aziraphale limp, as though boneless, in his arms. There was a long, apprehensive pause. Then Crowley heard something like a choking sound in his ear, followed by an abrupt and strangled gasp, and then suddenly Aziraphale was breaking down, tears bursting uncontrollably from him as he collapsed into Crowley’s chest.

Crowley had seen the angel cry before. One too many glasses of wine and he had a tendency to get a bit weepy, and 6000 years watching over humanity hadn’t been all sunshine and roses. But God, he’d never heard him cry like this. Aziraphale’s chest lurched over and over with heaving, retching sobs, each cry sounding like it was being ripped out of him, and punctuated only by massive, raw gasps as his lungs ran out of air. He clutched at Crowley, his face buried deep in the crook of his neck. Crowley could feel every convulsion of the angel’s body shuddering into his. Oh fuck, it hurt. It felt like something was boring a hole through his chest, crushing his heart until he couldn’t breathe. Oh God. Oh angel.

Aziraphale’s ragged fingernails dug painfully into the skin of Crowley’s back as he wept, but Crowley welcomed the sensation. It gave him something to distract him from his own emotions, which were raging and seething like an inferno inside him. He knew there was nothing he could do now but let this run its course, but the longer he listened to the angel crying, the more he felt like he was going to explode with both sorrow and fury. Instead he snuggled closer into Aziraphale, and screwed his eyes shut, trying to bury it all inside.

After a while, Aziraphale’s cries seemed to calm somewhat. Maybe he was stopping, Crowley thought. He stayed still, listening to the angel’s hitched breaths at his ear and waiting for him to break the silence.

“You were right,” Aziraphale said suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Mmn?”

The angel took another shaky breath, paused, and then suddenly words came spilling out of him. “I sh-should have fought back, I shouldn’t have let them-”

“No, no no, angel,” Crowley cut him off quickly as pain and regret stabbed at him. Shit. He hadn’t meant it like that. He pulled back and clasped Aziraphale’s anguished face in his hands, staring fervently into his eyes.

“I was wrong, ok?”

Aziraphale just sniffed and looked away from him.

“Hey.” Crowley softly turned Aziraphale’s face back towards him and met his eyes again.

“We wouldn’t have stood a chance against four archangels,” he said firmly. “You were just trying to protect us.” Protect me, he thought. He’d seen it in the angel’s eyes when they’d met across the room. They’d both known what might have happened if he didn’t comply. He absent-mindedly thumbed away the tears from Aziraphale’s cheeks.

“You didn’t have a choice,” he murmured.

Aziraphale’s face slowly crumpled again and he slumped forward into Crowley’s arms as another fit of sobs erupted out of him. Crowley quietly wrapped his arms back around him and held him close as he continued to weep into his chest, rocking him gently.

Aziraphale choked out words between his gasps. “Why would…” - his voice cracked with misery - “…how could they do this?”

Crowley could only shake his head, blinking away his own tears. Because they’re bastards, he thought. Because they’re just as bad as Hell, even if they pretend they’re not. Because they never deserved you. He said nothing, only held Aziraphale tighter. He was pretty sure the question had been rhetorical anyway. Just the final sounds of an angel’s heart breaking.

He remembered when he’d faced that same betrayal; knee-deep in boiling, agonizing sulphur and utterly rent from the comfort of God’s grace, all alone. (Just for asking questions, a little voice in the back of his mind quipped). How much that rejection had hurt, how he’d likewise had nothing he could do to ease the pain, but to claw at the ground and rail against the Heavens for forsaking him. And Aziraphale had always had such faith in Heaven. It must be hurting him even more. Crowley could tell that realising ‘his side’ were in fact capable of something like this was shattering the angel to his core. Even he had believed that there were some lows they would never sink to. How the fuck could they possibly justify that to themselves? Bloody hypocrites, every last one of them. He kept his touch gentle, but his amber eyes were blazing with anger.

Aziraphale trembled in his arms as another bout of broken sobs wracked his body. Crowley cradled him and ran his fingers soothingly through the back of the angel’s damp hair. He wanted to shush him, tell him that it was alright, that it would be ok. A bunch of pointless platitudes. Like fuck was it alright. He’d gladly pay any price to be able to turn back time and stop the events of the day from happening.

But at least Aziraphale didn’t have to face this alone, Crowley thought, unlike he had. He could be there through it all. He might not be able to fix this, but if all he could give the angel was a comforting hand and a point of stability as his world shook apart, then he would. He would not let him suffer alone.

Crowley couldn’t tell how long they stayed entwined on the floor. Could have been hours. Long enough for the last traces of water to evaporate from his clothes, anyway, and for the light at the window to dim and grey until the room was left in gloom. Gradually, the shivering subsided and Aziraphale’s sobs reduced to gulps and wet sniffles, then to shuddering but even breaths, until finally he was spent. He sagged lifelessly against Crowley, silent and unresponsive again as Crowley stroked his back repeatedly.

Eventually Crowley decided he would have to be the one to break the embrace, and reluctantly pulled away from Aziraphale. The angel swayed a little, but was able to sit up on his own. He looked completely devastated. His downcast eyes - though finally dry - were red and puffy, and dull with misery. Crowley could see the thousand-yard stare creeping back into them. He rubbed the angel’s arm.

“Let’s go into the other room, yeah?” Crowley said. “It’ll be more comfortable.” He paused. “D’you want - I dunno - some cocoa, or… something?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I just want to go to sleep,” he said weakly. His voice was hoarse from crying.

“Okay,” Crowley nodded sadly. “That’s okay.”

He snapped his fingers and they were both instantly clad in fresh pyjamas - his black and silky, and downy blue tartan for the angel. A little of the tension seemed to vanish from Aziraphale’s shoulders. He reached unsteadily out for Crowley and Crowley helped him to stagger to his feet. A hushed moan escaped the angel’s parted lips as he stood and he moved a hand to cradle his lower stomach. Crowley winced in sympathy. Aziraphale stood still for a moment, his eyes closed and breathing laboured. His grip on Crowley’s hand was tight. Crowley gave it a gentle squeeze. Aziraphale glanced briefly up at him, and Crowley tried to flash him a smile, but then he turned away.

Crowley led him back through the jungle of the flat to the secluded and dimly-lit bedroom. The bed was unmade, with black bedclothes rumpled and pillows strewn haphazardly about. Memories of the last time they’d been together in this room came sidling back to Crowley; echoes of his name on the angel’s lips, bare skin sliding against bare skin… a soft, sinful moan…

Another sniffle jerked him back to the present. The version of the angel who stood next to him now was a complete contrast to the one in those memories. He still looked as though he wanted to cry, but was clearly just too exhausted, too wrung out, for any more tears. Crowley held his hand and supported him by the hip with his other arm as he lowered him to the bed’s surface, like some cruel facsimile of a waltz. Aziraphale lay awkwardly down and rolled to face away from him as Crowley rearranged the pillows around him.

Crowley stood, feeling suddenly bereft and unsure what to do. Aziraphale was acting like he wasn’t even there again, just lying limply on the bed and staring across at the opposite wall. Crowley sat down on the edge of the bed behind him, and, when that didn’t prompt any reaction, decided it would be ok to lie down at his back and nestle close against him. He pulled the covers over them both, and then - as much for his own comfort as for Aziraphale’s - slid his arms underneath the angel’s and coiled them around his chest. He looked again at Aziraphale’s face. The angel’s eyes were just…dead inside. Desolate, thought Crowley. That was the word that came to mind. Barren, like a parched, arid landscape.

Demons couldn’t sense love the way angels could, of course, but when Aziraphale was near him, the angel always seemed to have a kind of…glow around him. Almost like he was so full of light that it was spilling out around the edges, brilliant and warm where it fell onto Crowley. It felt, to Crowley, like what love ought to feel like.

But now… he couldn’t sense anything from the angel at all. No light, no warmth, save for that intrinsic to his corporation curled up against him. It had been extinguished. He’d never seen him so - he didn’t like to think it, but…broken.

Aziraphale shifted uncomfortably next to him, the only sign of life still in him. Crowley squeezed him tight. “I’m here, angel,” he whispered. He pressed a tender kiss into the angel’s hair. “Go to sleep.”

At first Aziraphale appeared not to hear, but after a moment, his eyes slowly slid shut and he breathed more deeply in Crowley’s arms. Crowley waited, unmoving in the dark room, until the angel’s breaths had taken on the regular, remarkably-human rhythm of sleep, his mouth parted slightly to draw them in and out. He looked comparatively peaceful, though still solemn, like a heavy and pensive winter’s day.

“ ’Ziraphale?” Crowley whispered. No response.

Crowley felt tears begin to sting at his eyes as he watched Aziraphale sleep. The emotions he’d tried to bury were starting to flare up inside him again. Burning anger, bitter helplessness. Aching, rending grief. He flexed his jaw and swallowed hard, determined to keep them down. A single sob managed to claw its way out of his throat anyway, breaking the silence of the room. Crowley froze. Aziraphale didn’t stir.

Crowley took a deep breath, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t hold it back anymore.

He buried his face into the back of Aziraphale’s neck, and wept quietly.

[sunnykeysmash]

S14's theme of Trust: How Global Warming reaffirms the Macden meta we already know

Or, a half reworked set of discussions from my Twitter about the underlying themes of FAITH/TRUST and CHANGE present in this season. Particularly between macden because I don't give a damn for the rest. Sidenote: my twitter thread about trust that takes up half of this post was actually written BEFORE GW came out, and despite that it got reinforced thanks to GW meta.

I apologize in advance if the reading isn't as fluid as it could be, it's hard to order the threads in a single cohesive explanation but I still tried my best. Plus, english isn't my first language.

This post contains speculation that links to my previous meta posts, tagged under "iasip meta". That's where I discuss the theme of change more in detail, not here. They're a little outdated in terms of episode prediction but the meta analysis in them holds up and was reinforced in GW.

The bible = Trust/Faith

So, how does faith/trust get in the way of their relationship? Who has it, who doesn't?

Let's address it. This might be long but bear with me I guess. First we need to address what broke their trust.

North Dakota

(aka the element that broke the link of trust between macden for good, from which they are still trying to recover; and how we got there; their shift in dynamic because of it and how it's a vicious cycle that feeds itself until a breaking point, with no possibility for rational discussion. "How Mac will reject Dennis as a final test to restore their trust")

Part 1: how it affected Dennis

It is my understanding that dennis has been left profoundly scarred by how his decision to leave to north dakota went and he has been blaming the gang for failing to stop him from leaving, and especially blaming Mac. Which lead to the events in Chokes.

Where he felt frustrated at Mac for doing everything Dennis says and never going against him. He's constantly pushing him and being abrasive because he wishes for him to snap and act on his own volition.

Because aside from feeling like he can't trust anyone, and like no one in the gang cares for him, he most of all feels like he can't trust himself. He has been scarred by the consequences of his own actions, and doesn't know what else he might do that could have a similar effect.

Of course a person who can't really trust himself would feel paralyzed, they would not act or do anything. Which is why we are moving away from that, slowly. We need to have this progression in order for Dennis to Realize anything at all.

So Chokes as an episode is sort of a milestone, it runs really deep in multiple overarching events and developments. It's not just fixing macden's dynamic, it's beginning to fix a core problem that stops dennis from reaching macden and that has been prominent at least ever since Tends Bar.

It's something that has been going on in the background for a while, that is touched upon sometimes. Dennis desperately wants the gang to care about him.

So when he is surprised by the RPG on the day that for him is most emblematic of the gang not caring, I think it hit deeper than what we're assuming. His feelings were challenged.

DDL is a result of many things. On the surface it's him wanting to be a dad for his child the way Frank never could for him. I think it was also a test though. If they truly cared, they would stop him. They wouldn't want him to go away.

Now. They don't. That stings. Then things possibly go south in North Dakota. That also stings. It's easy to mentally connect the two and realize the hurt he's experiencing. "If they had stopped me, none of this would've happened" I assume is the correlation he made mentally.

So then he probably thought about Mac, and the gesture he made. He thought that meant something, but then him, like the rest of the gang, did nothing. So he's even more angry at him. "For a moment I really thought he cared, why wouldn't he do something?" Betrayal.

So that to me explains why he's been acting like shit towards Mac. And he's been slowly trying to work through his feelings on the matter, as S13 sorta showed initially, with him not wanting to address it at all for a while, and when he tried again no one cared. He's been trying.

I wonder if it's a possibility that, as we reach the resolution to this circumstance, he will try to bring it up again. I wouldn't count on it necessarily, but character wise it would simply make sense. If he's getting over the problem, he's leaving ND behind. He should, I mean.

Part 2: how it affected Mac

But this isn't just a circumstance that hinders Dennis, it has deeply afflicted Mac too, in a way that is just as personal. "No matter what I do for a person, they can still choose to leave me", it is no wonder to see that side of him exacerbated, then.

Before ND, Mac trusted Dennis' words, enough to let him leave if he said he wanted to, even if it hurt. Before ND, Dennis trusted that Mac would always "be there to catch him if he faltered", that he cared, especially after the RPG moment.

These were true. They could always count on each other, trust each other. ND changed everything, and altered their dynamic in a way that we are still feeling, and still trying to remedy. That Mac and Den especially are still desperately trying to remedy.

They /want/ to go back to their codependent dynamic, they /need/ to. But the way they are desperately trying to is only making things worse and worse, and it's a terrible cycle.

[ The more Dennis rejects Mac in hope that Mac will finally go against him, the more Mac is desperately trying to appease Dennis so that he won't leave him, the more Dennis is annoyed and dissatisfied of Mac's submissive behavior and becomes more abrasive in return. ]

Which is why I think discussing that event is a necessity in order for macden to even happen at all. They theoretically need a face to face conversation to resolve these core insecurities that are getting in the way of their friendship (and possibly more).

It doesn't have to be a romantic thing either, it is just necessary for this conflict to be addressed in order for their dynamic to go back to normal. But that can't happen without a breaking point. We know them enough to assume that they're not gonna just discuss it rationally. It would be the correct way to handle the situation, but they're not like that.

Whether everything resolves positively (as in, their dynamic finally shifting back to before ND) depends on how much they want to stay together and what they are willing to sacrifice or compromise for it. Whether certain grievances can be stronger than their bond itself (and I'm pretty sure they can't, or mac and den would've parted already, long ago).

Mac's internal conflict is likely what will make it so that we have to wait a year. If it just isn't resolved, then he would want proof that Dennis isn't /just saying/ stuff. Den might assure him that he isn't but is that enough for Mac?

How do you resolve a conflict that is basically just a huge almost debilitating fear of abandonment and mistrust of the other person's words? In what way can you possibly prove it wrong?

We know Mac loves Dennis, of course he does. But does he trust Dennis? The way he has been behaving towards him tells me otherwise. He doesn't stand up to him.

Not only that but, more specifically, he's always "interpreting" everything Dennis says, you can see it in Texts for example. He knows den never means what he says, and always has an ulterior motive or hidden meaning. He doesn't take den's rejections at heart too much because he knows they're fake.

So now imagine Dennis has a change of heart. Now he goes to Mac, and he tells him Exactly How He Truly Feels. Knowing the way Mac is used to interpreting Dennis, I don't think he'd believe him. He'd want to, but he probably couldn't.

And I don't think Mac even realizes this lack of trust at all. I think it's gonna hit him exactly as it's happening. He might feel happy at first, then be confused at his sense of uneasiness like he's been used and lied to, like Dennis is saying it to manipulate him.

But that's just for words. Physically speaking, I think Mac is very much aware that Dennis has no intention of ever leaving again, nor can he really. That's how it seemed to be in tggr at least.

The abandonment Mac is afraid of is purely emotional at this point with Dennis. It doesn't need to be a "what if he moves out". More of a "what if he doesn't like me anymore and is using me".

So anyway, about the cycle I mentioned earlier.

This feels like a build up. They can't go on like this forever, they will reach a breaking point. I don't expect them to have an honest and open and calm confrontation and solve their differences before a huge snap of both of them happens, I expect the snap.

You know, either Dennis gets too abrasive and Mac finally "snaps out of him", or Mac gets too submissive and Dennis grows tired of him.

However thanks to Chokes and now Global Warming, we can safely predict it'll be the first one. Chokes set us on a path of Mac making his own decisions, which thanks to GW we know will backfire.

They'll fight, Dennis will be overwhelmed by it as Mac ""leaves"", more on that later, first let me finish my discussion on trust.

I find it suspicious how all the episodes with a semblance of resolution that we have had so far only seemed to fix Dennis' conflicts with Macden. We have failed to address Mac's lack of trust in Dennis' words, even in Texts I think. Especially in Texts.

In Texts it wasn't communication that solved the problem, it was an act, a stare. And we only ever heard Dennis' side of it. Mac at this point already believes that Dennis likes him, so there was nothing new for him to discover at the end.

If anything, it reinforced his belief that Dennis says the opposite of what he thinks, that he isn't honest. Because despite how he's been acting all day, he still saw affection in his eyes, I assume.

But Mac has already always paid attention to what Dennis "really meant", I mean, he does it throughout Texts, thought in the wrong way because it was still through text (miscommunication) and he didn't like to consider the alternative.

I put "really meant" in quotations because Dennis doesn't really work like that. Sure a lot of times Dennis doesn't say what he really means so of course Mac would start interpreting him like that, but there are still many times when he's actually honest. This is just Mac's black and white way of seeing den.

Anyway.

As a result of not feeling heard, Dennis actually developed a heavier and more frequent use of sarcasm. Because if people won't do what he says, then maybe if he says the opposite they'll listen to him. It's a reflex born out of frustration.

Back to the "trust" thing now, because see, all this time Dennis has been acting under the underlying assumption that Mac will choose Him every time. Mac doesn't have this assumption, he has been acting to Prevent Dennis from NOT choosing him.

It's gonna be really interesting, if this turns out to be correct, to see the tables be turned and find out that Dennis was the one with faith. We are used to see Mac believe have it, in god and in their relationship, but ultimately it's Dennis that is trusting Mac to make the right decisions. Which includes choosing Dennis every time.

That's a bigass trust to have for someone who says they have no faith. In contrast to that, what faith has Mac put in Dennis? None that I can think of, he actively does stuff that will please dennis, so far.

"leaving"/"rejecting" Dennis in the finale would constitute, again, Mac's faith in Dennis. He would be choosing something that goes right against everything Dennis wants, having faith that this won't mean they grow apart, and maybe even trusting that it's what Dennis actually needs. And it's what Mac would need as well, as proof that Dennis is serious. Because if he doesn't change his mind, then he is. And you can finally see how the whole season has been constructed as a way to move away from the ND conflict in order to fix their dynamic and broken trust in order to make macdennis work.

This calls back to my meta reading for the first half of the season. Again. This is old stuff. But still accurate.

Some snippets.

I now have a more detailed speculation on how Jumper will go which is no longer the one I had in that meta post, but I will spare you the useless talk and get back to my point. Maybe save that for another post. All I need to say here is that Dennis will be adamant that the answer is SHOULD WE: NO, Mac will want to prove him wrong but Dennis will be proven right, subsequently starting the path for Mac's change of outlook. And what will make him say "no"(t yet) even once Dennis believes they should. Boom, karma.

ANYWAY.

Dennis knows he can depend on Mac or at least he's learning so, Mac isn't sure if he can do the same.

As the two bicker over who had trust in who, and who broke the other's trust, it'll come to the surface, through text, that the roles have shifted. Dennis was trusting Mac all along, Mac wasn't.

Which is why Mac deciding for himself, deciding something that goes against Dennis, saying "no", is the biggest leap of faith Mac can take, the thing that would show us that yes, finally, Mac believes Dennis will still choose him.

TGGR's final part of macden's plot itself shows us Mac accepting Dennis' cynical point of view and losing faith. "I guess we're not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all". But that is not the note the episode ends with.

Right as Mac accepts that it's not happening, we see Charlie and Frank's ending part of their plot. They're reaching back, they have a new realization. Nikki says that they feel the same way, but they still say no for the time being.

How does this all link to Global Warming, finally?

The Global Warming meta

The jump, the realization, the acceptance, in all the meta I have analyzed in the episodes, it all comes AFTER the explosion, the rejection. First things explode and Mac "leaves", THEN Dennis is overwhelmed and changes his mind, reevaluates. Think of the Nikki&Alexi and Charlie&Frank plot as a frame of reference for this. Think of Chokes also, first Mac says "No", then Dennis is satisfied.

NOW, Global Warming macdennis meta, at its most basic, goes as follows:

Dennis thought what he liked was the sexy girls dancing, then they revolted against him and literally overpowered him, and in the aftermath he has a new outlook on the japanese guys that he once disliked. At the same time as this happens, Mac isn't there to help him.

At the same time, we always see Dennis trying to rationalize his way out of conflicts, and it never working, not with Mac, not with the people in the bar.

Basically, we reach a breaking point in the conflict, and Dennis is overwhelmed by it, Mac doesn't help him in GW, he "leaves", I imagine this symbolizing that Mac finally agreeing with Dennis in the actual final conflict would feel to Den like Mac is "giving up on them". Dennis took Mac choosing him for granted, and he now learns how much trust he had in Mac despite saying otherwise (Chokes) and how much it meant to him. Dennis comes out of it changed.

They both do.

This, as I posted about previously, is all part of "God's plan". Dennis gave Mac back his "free will" in Chokes so that Mac's harsh final decisions could ultimately aid their relationship and trust.

We need Mac to turn Dennis down for the time being AND for Dennis to not change his mind during the wait, for the trust to be restored for both of them. To remedy North Dakota once and for all, and move into the macdennis territory. In a year, aka next season.

So finally, we can see how TGGR, Chokes, Texts and now GW all work together as milestones that set us in that direction.