#their parents couldnt be assed to parent i think she deserved the like month of pure happiness and freedom

[piosplayhouse]

Mdzs fans will really pretend to support female characters until being a complex character means that they can have other motivations and goals besides just helping w wx

[blkkizzat]

Woooh I've been a bit MIA for the most part lately but it's been for good reason...Kali I'm on the last chapter before proof.. my book is damn near DONE BABES! And unfortunately not a speck of smut in sight but there might be a love scene in the sequel. Unfortunately, my parents have to read this novel as it's hopefully going to be my debut and I 100% refuse to let them know what I find hot. They don't deserve that.

I'm also writing a Sample Writing piece so I can go back to school. So I'm giving myself more work.

I never got my fried cheese, but the craving went away with my time of the month, so I'm okily dokily.

I generally ONLY like mozz sticks and cheese curds from a greasy bar. Is it the best place to eat? NO. BUT if I have one more cheese curd served with a three house sauces and not ONE of them is marinara I'm going to freak. Worse is when they try to give you No sauce and then say, we don't serve marinara. Then why tf do you have cheese curds?

Anyway... onto my thoughts this evening.

Big celebrations with ya mans. I'm thinking

Gojo, has to go all out. He takes the day off. He showers you in gifts (nothing expensive just things he knows you like) take you out to an elaborate dinner to top before taking you home and making you forget your name. Like you aren't sure what happened or how you ended up on the kitchen counter, but Gojo's house keeper is not entertained when she finds you both naked on her previously clean counter

Geto is more low key and sophisticated a good dinner, some dancing. He let's you pick your favorite spot out and orders you the good dessert. You get home and yes he does pipe you down. Respectfully.

Nanami, he does not like going out. Something about him screams home body to me. He cooks you dinner. Candles, flowers, the whole 9 just at home. He still gets dressed nicely. Lays out a pretty dress so you feel sexy. His reward to you for your celebration is like 4 orgasms on his tongue. He doesn't ask for reciprocation, this night's about you..but you give it to him anyway.

Toji... you're getting dick. Metaphorically and physically. Like he's not buying you shit but he is dicking you down. Like can't walk the next day Dicking you down. You can't even complain. You're satisfied. Your toes barely move without twitching. He does, however, make you toaster waffles the next morning. With orange juice.

Choso...sweet baby that he is...plans something elaborate ..that does not happen. He planned to do the Nanami thing and cook for you and give you a nice relaxing day. But he failed to remember he could not cook. Nearly burnt the damn apartment down. Instead, he orders your favorite take out. Puts on your favorite movie and let's you put your cold ass feet just under his legs to keep them warm. You end up making love on the couch while he's praying you don't smell the burnt food he had to throw away...you do but it's okay cause he's cute.

One stress done and another ready to beat my ass- 🧠

🧠nonny! sorry ml ive been so tired and busy myself i couldnt get to your ask, i have a little back log i still need to get through 😭.

First congrats on your book! That's amazingggg! Smut isn't needed and yeah definitely not if your parents are going to read it 😭😭.

Oooh are you going to go back to school for writing? I love the commitment!

"Worse is when they try to give you No sauce and then say, we don't serve marinara. Then why tf do you have cheese curds?"

NO OKAY CAUSE REAL!!! Or if you can tell the marinara they are using is old/not fresh, urgh.

Also fhjdasfkjhagdfhjab lmfao i know gojo house cleaner would quit if she wasnt getting paid so well. i cant imagine the messes she be coming across. but totally agreed!

Oooh and Geto! I bet hes such a good dancer too, so smooth. I see him being good at salsa and that shit be so touchy/sensual y'all ripping each other clothes off by the time you get home.

Ah yes, Nanami home is his castle! I can also imagine that with lots of flower petals, candles and essential oil. you'd feel like you were somewhere else the way he'd transform your living room.

TOJI MY MANNNNNNN. LISTEN I WILL GLADY TAKE THE TOASTER WAFFLES AND OJ (THAT I BOUGHT AT THE GROCERY STORE) OVER ANYTHING ELSE!!! <333

"Puts on your favorite movie and let's you put your cold ass feet just under his legs to keep them warm."

SEE IM CRYING NOW CAUSE THATS MY BABY GIRL AND THAT IS A NECESSITYYYY!!!! I absolutely love that, esp cause my feet are always cold tbh. He's so cuteeee ahhhh i love him. This was super cute!

What about Sukuna though? I feel like he would need Uraume to remind him of the big event, then Uraume would fine out what you like, buy it and then sukuna will give it to you lmfaoooo

[songtwo]

yk like ive always been grateful i grew into a really loving and healthy family esp bc im aware my mom grew up in the most horrible environment and i love her so much for breaking all those vicious cycles but ive been reading all about love by bell hooks and idk each page makes me throw up and die in both a good and a bad way

[urboymutual]

hi, a veteran of parental deterfifying process. rule number one is that you've got to be patient - and not in a way that you've got to put up with your mom's bs, but in a way that you've got to brace yourself for something that might take a while. small steps are good here, as well as systematic exposure. don't flood with information - sneak it in, then sneak it in more often. don't give up. you deserve to be understood. good luck & stay safe

hi anon thanks for actually like . replying to the point of the original post 😭💗

um im gonna explain my situation more under the read more because it may be triggering tw transphobia tw csa mention tw suicide mention

so ive been out since i was 14 years old so its been about 6 years i wanna say. but lord knows ive been patient 😭😭 i think in the beginning it was kinda a battle we would constantly argue but i never really felt like. she would get to be this bad? like its like her brain is rotting by t/rf and anti trans rhetoric

like when i came out i was already in therapy and all the therapist i went to diagnosed me with gender dysphoria 😭 like every single one and she still couldnt believe it and i guess she was in the denial stage and what shes doing now is anger?

idk both my parents have the belief im doing it to make my mom made because i was a rebellious child and shit. but like it was really ur typical religious bigotry and i think thats why it hurts now :/

like ive begged her to go to pflag to talk to other parents of trans people i begged her to talk to trans people besides me ive begged her to listen to my point of view so many times but now shes like a full on t/rf conspiracy theorist

she claims theres a trans agenda, that doctors have initiative to "turn people trans" for money, that "sickos" took transgender out of the dsm because "men have a sick fetish for humiliating other men and making them into women" like this is full on like ur crazy trumper uncle who doesnt believe in vaccines type shit. and when i offer her scientific research its considered "bias" and everything i try to show her is bias.

but its worse because she now sends me videos in my fucking email of "feminist" lawyers talking about how we are "losing women" to the "transgender agenda" and how "men are trying to be women to hurt women" like ur typical t/rf bullshit and its like a mixed fucked up concoction of anti science t/rf christian ideology and it hurts so much 🫠 (she also sends me de transitioning videos that neither here nor there but cis people who claimed to be trans and now are de transitioning and are transphobic as fuck can die by my blade)

but its like . she is serious brainwashed and i think it might be this new church shes going to thats making her even worse and im like. i literally cried myself to sleep last night because like i just want her to love me and she yells at me on the phone saying im butchering my body and like she also says i need more therapy (i go to therapy every month) bc i "was molested as a kid so now i think im trans" and that i "just need to love my body" and it hurts because like. shes literally hitting every single transphobic point and wont listen to me ever

i try listening to her now to understand and to try to see where she is coming from but its ruining my mental health a lot like getting top surgery is the only thing keeping me from suicide to be blunt :/ and now i might not even have that because she's threatening to cut me off and i live in expensive ass california and am in college 😭 like i do not know how to keep going

im just a child on the inside begging for my moms love and shes so brainwashed and it hurts. but yeah i guess shes "so based" when she also threatens me on the phone. idk t/rf much rather see a dead trans kid than care abt women

anyways sorry this is so long it kinda became a vent which was like half the original point of my post in the first place 😭😭 ur advice is good anon but i dont know how much i can keep hanging on 🫠🫠

[iridescentides]

okay. hsmtmts episode 3 thoughts under the cut

YES i always start with gina, and what about it??? i would die for her. anyway im CRYING over how she thought her mom forgot about her like? youve been gone for like 2 months, literally what parent would stop caring that quick? she doesnt think she deserves love like literally most of the time and my heart is ACHING

i came into this episode knowing the chocolates would be a bait and switch bc the preview 100% wanted us to think it was ricky. and yet i still caught myself believing he did it for a second there. i was looking forward to some good rina content this episode and i cant believe i let myself get bamboozled. like the conversation was nice but completely one-sided, and he ignored her to call nini; i get that hes literally in a relationship but im not a huge fan of how he just stopped giving a shit about gina once it wasnt romantic anymore? like,, they couldnt even stay friends?

generally my thing about rina isnt that i think its some big spectacular ship, but moreso that i always go for ships that make my favorite character the happiest. so most of my rina shipping comes from seeing how ricky was the first person that gina was so happy and open with, and how she trusts him even though she trusts literally no one ever and she just self-discloses around him unprompted. the infatuation and crush part on gina’s side is the part i like. but ricky? annoying n flaky as shit

random offshoot but i wouldve loved to see the chocolates come from ej. it wouldnt have made sense just based on the episode we were given, but what if gina and ricky had had that conversation in the hallway and ej overheard them and wanted to do something nice for her since he didnt have a gf to buy stuff for this year? could you IMAGINE? i know im gonna be complaining about how theyre throwing ej away all season but like seriously @ writers we get it youre getting rid of ej in s3. no need to cut him almost completely out of the show in s2. please someone give my man some PLOT im dying

ashlyn telling gina “i wish i could give you a valentine” is simultaneously gay and reeking of straight people nonsense. you can give your friends gifts on valentines day??? i didnt receive a romantic valentines gift until i was 17 years old but i still got stuff from friends every year? umm

speaking of ashlyn i get the track that theyre trying to go on by making it seem groundbreaking that a disney princess role went to someone whos not a size 2 but like. shes still a white woman and im tired. plus theyre dancing around it anyway. if you wanna give her body image issues then just fucking commit. half assing that conversation helps no one.

redlyn was very cute this episode. im still annoyed that theyre getting so much time and focus this season but like. i am a big red stan. the song in the credits was cute too

speaking of, tell me why they literally crammed all the songs at the end of this episode??? i was honestly thinking they wouldnt have any songs this week, thats how long it took

kourtneys beauty and the beast was pretty. also i know theyre gonna make howie her love interest bc clearly if a boy and girl on tv interact for more than 2 seconds it has to turn romantic. im pre-annoyed. 

the ricky/nini plot didnt make a ton of sense bc... why didnt ricky just... hang out with her in the waiting room at the hospital? i am very confused as to why they had to make it so angsty and tropey like. youre literally in the same city and theres an easy solution here

im wondering if theyre gonna try to make miss jenn and mr mazzara a thing? im on the fence about how i feel about that tho. but i am annoyed that they didnt show miss jenns conversation with rickys dad at all

theyre making carlos so annoying this season, like idk whats going on or why they thought they needed to phone it in with his characterization this time around but like. what even was this seblos plot?

kourtney and seb conversations are always cute so i loved the piano scene

back to kourtney for a sec: why would big reds parents hire her as manager? why are they picking inexperienced teenagers for leadership roles? if nothing else, if howie has been around forever, why wouldnt they just promote him to manager??? instead of someone who has no idea how their pizza shop works like. i get that theyre trying to #girlboss kourtney this season, but was getting a job not enough growth and independence?

overall my biggest Gripe™ with this episode is that there wasnt enough gina or ej. and i get that its a big cast and not everyone can be the focus every time but literally when did redlyn become such a big priority to the writers? why are they getting so much screentime? i dont hate them or anything but like, i thought the main main characters were supposed to be nini, ricky, gina, and ej. so why is one of them getting like,, two lines per episode? im really out here picking up little ej crumbs like they wasted SO much potential with him as a character

[stillwooozy]

Idc if Isayama leaves us guessing about the father into eternity. Idc if the last panel really is the farmer holding the baby. Bro, let a man hold a baby without it being his own child smh

Also like. That would be kinda great if even the farmer thinks that it is his child, but really it is Erens. The child can grow up w/ a father, even if Historia knows it is not the biological father, the child will have 2 loving parents. (i am not even considering Historia dying during birth jfc no she deserves to be the mother she never had)

I mean the thing that holds my theory together is that -> if the baby is born full term... the timeline wouldn’t work with the farmer. it would be premature by a good amount? Like a full 1-2 months or something? anyways an amount were the baby wouldnt survive in the setting Historia is in. But that doesnt seem to be the case given the last panel.

And why couldnt the farmer be a Yeagerist? Are we forgetting Eren had a literal cult following? He may realize it is not his child, but what will he do about it?

Idc. I am accepting Eren’s death too. Eren & Levi better both die, asap, i mean Eren is kinda already dead ngl. I need Reiner’s head on a platter too pls. Everyone else idc. I feel like Armin is bound to die but i DO NOT want that.

I don’t even WANT musty ass Eren to walk in and touch the baby in any manner. The farmer holding the baby is much much much better than dirty headless Eren. Or dirty body-less Eren tbh he’s just a floating head at this point.

Anyways. He can still be the father. Doesnt take a whole lot of work on his part to impregant Historia.

Idk why I’m convinced on this - like I can read the BEST explanation to why “farmer is the father” and i’m filled w/ anger like... “no!! My headcanon is canon!!” But i mean, its not a headcanon until disproved? And come on... the MPs believing the farmer is the father is not proof of shit (i’d argue the MPs tend to be unreliable narrators & that was one of the main clues that made me skeptical from the get go) - only that Historia thought it would be a better/safer idea if the farmer was known as the father. I mean, if I was her, i wouldn’t want it to be known that i’m carrying the literal destroyer-of-the-entire-planet’s baby.

I just love narrative arc of it all. Like the farmer is fine and maybe more “realistic”(?) - but it is a STORY. There is a reason why all legends/mythology have their characters/gods fucking each other and reproducing & making other gods - it makes for a good story. And its well known how much of Snk is inspired by norse mythos. Isayama through the illusion of realism out the window - so lets just wrap this all up in a pretty manner? Plus doesnt he love GoTs (i havent watched it) - and arent they all like related to each other, the royalty and shit? Idk. Eren is the “devil” - Historia is a literal Queen that comes from direct lineage of the tragic goddess Ymir. Eren is merging w/ said god - he basically is a god at this point - but his will to end this cycle. He will remove all enemies - which is the earth - because as established he doesnt believe humanity can all truly be “united”. Isnt the rumbling literally based on Raganork? idk.

No, i do know. My thesis is = Eren is the father and you can’t convince my pea-brain otherwise.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : The villain’s little hero

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  All Might, Japan's number 1 villain has a successor. The problem? His successor is a hero hopeful. All Might will stop at nothing to make sure his kid gets to live his dream.

au where all might is a villain raising izuku to be a hero!

quirkless izuku, his backstory is mostly the same

all might decided that hero work had too much red tape. if he was going to take down afo, he needed the freedom to do whatever he had to and he wasnt getting that working within the law

so hes a,,, viilllaaaiinnn?? like. stain. but less murdery, would also save civilians if they were in danger

he has 0 qualms about crippling fake heroes but hes not a fan of murder

nighteye is still his sidekick, he doesnt use his quirk on allmight bc all might h a t e s it

hes kinda on board with "the future is only set in stone because you've seen it now" so he wants the freedom to break fate. but its very useful to get info, so nighteye just uses it on other people

hero to the people villain to literally everyone else

allmights villain costume is reallll similar to his hero costume. just less eye bleeding

he has longer grey hair too.

all mights bronze age costume is basically his villain costume thanks for listening

david shield is still in this story

david agrees w all might and like,,, sneaks him stuff on the downlow

all might told him ab. his quirk because who on earth is gonna believe that one america man about japans worst supervillain?

also melissa is a Soft Young Woman and she is all mights favourite person on this fucking planet until he meets izuku

all might went to ua, only defected after completing his hero training because he wanted to be trained by the people he was going to screw over

izuku has always kinda been a big fan of all might. not openly because hes legally a villain and very much paints himself as one, but his quirk is one of the most amazing things izuku has ever seen

when he looks closer, all might has never let a civilian get hurt once hes been on scene. hes taken hits to protect housing, hes pulled heroes from the line of fire

izuku watches his sports festivals and wonders why? why did all might, the man who happily told the world he'd stop at nothing to keep them safe, suddenly flip sides like that for no reason?

izuku doesnt buy it

izuku's big yellow backpack is a big red one in this universe, hes had it so long its gone pink but he still loves it

the sludge villain

all might saves him and izuku is crying. allmight thinks its because hes scared but izuku just turns to him with this big weepy eye smile and gives him the most genuine thanks he thinks hes ever been given

(its honestly the shock of that that makes him deflate into small might, which has izuku scrambling to find tissues and called an ambulance before he thinks better of calling emergency services for All Might)

izuku is like "Im SO SORRY SIR ARE YOU oK"

and all might is like ",,, b  oy"

izuku softly asking

"can,, can i still be someone with out a quirk? can i still make a difference?"

all might doesnt get the chance to anser because there is a massive explosion in the distance

its bakugo!! hes dying

the sludge villain got away bc izuku and all might were chatting a little

izuku hears it and he feels this terrible realization, because its probably not bakugo? but its definitely bakugo because izuku's life is falling to pieces

he sprints towards him and katsuki will n e v e r admit it but he feels hope in that moment because some one is trying to help. even if its just izuku, he wasnt totally left for dead

all might sees this tiny, nervous, quirkless kid run straight up to a villain that almost killed him seconds before to save someone what looks like they'd rather die

and he thinks

"no one deserves one for all more than him"

and allmight, the most wanted villain in japan, maybe the world, jumps in

the heroes look at him and they are scared. if they couldnt take the sludge villain, what is all might going to do to them? but the scariest man in japan, the person parents tell their kids about to stop them from going out at night, blows the sludge villain to tiny pieces and carefully, gently, places the two boys by the heroes

before he vanishes before they can call for backup or even ask why

izuku gets yelled at by the heroes because the heroes are scared and angry they couldnt stop either of the villains and izuku is so overwhelmed that hes crying and he can hardly breathe

bakugo doesnt even yell at him because hes so dazed about everything that happened and he cant make himself yell at this sobbing kid that used to be his friend

(bakugo is holding izukus hand like hes going to crush it but its the only thing keeping izuku present)

izuku is walking home and hes still hicuping and crying because he almost died and the heroes hate him and he feels a hand on his shoulder, and a soft :"its ok now my boy"

he knows its all might but he cant help but hide his face in his shirt and sob

all might gets down so he can look izuku in the eye

"you asked me if you could be someone with out a quirk and i didnt get the chance to answer. my answer? you already are someone. you are someone that inspired me, a villain, to save the day. you are going to be amazing"

and looks him dead in the eye "you'll do amazing things, even with out a quirk. but, you of all people deserve one, and no matter what you chose to do with it, it can be yours. hero, villain or someone in between"

izuku looks at this villain

this painfully thin villain, who just saved his life and who has unimaginable strength

and he throws his arms around his waist and sobs

inko isnt a great mum in this au and she likes to basically pretend izuku doesnt exist

izuku trains a lot and has to make his own food bc his mum just ignores him

he sneaks out at night to clear trash and sneaks back in before dawn to clean the sand from his hair

he smells like saltwater and rust, and he hasnt slept more than 4 hours a night in weeks and katsuki is worried

all might sees him crumbling with a smile stuck on his face and he wants to stop him from self-destructing, but the kid will never learn his lesson until he feels his body give up under what hes doing to it. if all might steps in he'll do it again and again until no one stops him and hes never learnt his limit.

so he waits and he watches while he pretends he cant see the bags under his eyes and pretends that everytime izuku sways on his feet he doesnt feel a jolt of deep panic

did he do this? if he the reason izuku looks like hes falling apart before his eyes?

the kid passes the fuck out and all might tells him off in a soft dad way and izuku cries bc why does this villain care more than his mum does

and all might catches the end of that little mumble, and feels terrible so he pretends he didnt hear and takes him for lunch

they go to a cafe and all might buys izuku the cutest slice of cake and a big ass bowl of katsudon and some fancy fucking tea and covers the kids eyes every time he tries to look at the prices

izuku looks at all might and asks

"are you buying me katsudon with crime money"

and all might looks sheepish and izuku giggles like an idiot and says "dont tell me ill feel bad!!!"

all might grins bc this kid is honestly the only reason he hasnt stabbed a pro hero in a few months bc hes so fucking sweet

he has to carry izuku half the way home bc the kid could barely lift his chopsticks and almost fell asleep in the booth after he finished eating

and allmight, skinny and kinda scary is giving his 15 year old a piggy back and someone says "you're such a good dad!" and he almost coughs up his last lung

izuku mumbles sleepily and hes has the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling and hes going to yell bc hes All Might the No. 1 Villain and this fucking kid is drooling on his sweater but he would die for him

some random stranger on the street commenting on how it was rly fortunate that izuku inherited his adorable smile from his father

all might, abt to burst into tears: whack

allmight is easily flustered even when hes killed a man

he comes home and inko isnt there so he has to like, wake up izuku to get him to open the door and he feels bad bc izuku is a Sleepy Man

izuku mumbles that he cant ever tell if shes at home or not because nothing changes and all might feels a wave of "wait my son isnt being parented enough"

so he makes izuku a cup of tea and tucks him into bed after he has a shower because izuku is His Son Now Inko

hes like

sitting in the living room reading the paper and he hears inko's car and hes like ",,, fuck it im walking out the front door im no coward"

she doesnt even notice and hes going to scream because does she have a brain

inko, spaced out, tired and terrible: oh is the tall man here for izuku :))) thats great :)))

all might is screaming bc"" do you get let weird men into see your tiny son>???? what the fuck???

hes so small inko??? and you?? let random men in?????

all might would yeet her into the sun if he could but his boy needs an actual family member to make going to ua easier

inko is kinda mentally ill. she is depressed and often forgets she has izuku. like shes not always being terrible she just sometimes forget to do basic things

one time she locked izuku out of the house for 10 hours and he had to sleep next to the front door

one month she didnt buy any food so by the end of it he was starving and out of his own money and there was n o t h i n g in the house, but inko would go out to eat every night and lunch and not take her son

allmight is upset bc izuku didnt tell him but izuku is embarrassed. embarrassed that he was forgotten by his own mum, that he couldnt do anything to help her or himself and honestly mad he was so hungry all might noticed bc he didnt want to bug him

it was getting to the point that katsuki actually slipped some change into his bag with a candy bar

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Wheel Of Fortune

EXO Park Chanyeol x Reader + others Characters: EXO Summary:  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Chanyeol was head over heels for you but he was 100% in denial that you liked Kyungsoo. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK FOOL. RUN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR THAT, jealousy, bottled emotions, fluff ending, etc.

A/N: this was TOO FLUFFY tbh. i wanted to hurt myself but it turned into fluff but oh well

let’s start at the beginning

your parents were introduced by mutual friends and started talking on the phone

okay kidding that’s too far

right

so you worked at SM

and is the maknae of a seven member coed group that debut a year after BigBang and a year before SHINee

(so 2007)

which considering the fact you were younger than Sehun by a couple of months meant you debuted at 10

just roll with it cos ITZ MY VERY SPECIFIC PLOT DMMIT

wheLP

the members were all exactly one year apart and the members from eldest to youngest,, the sequence was a guy (@ 30 yrs old), a girl (29), a guy (28), a girl (27), a guy (26), a guy (25), then you (24).

I KNOW I DONT NEED THIS BUT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINED THIS PLOT IT DMMIT

ok

since you were basically a sunbae at SM even tho u were a smol child you wanted to show your support to your hoobaes

So a day before their debut as a whole group, you, along with the eldest member of your group, who was the leader, visited EXO in the dance studio and gave moral support

You were A BIG FAN and it showed

not that you were hiding it in the first place

your leader was HIGH KEY embarrassed by you, but low key thought it was kinda cute how excited you were for this song

so dUH EXO dances growl for you

anD YOU NEARLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BECAUSE OF HOW PERFECT EVERYTHING WAS

Luhan’s voice

Baekhyun’s attitude

Sehun’s resting bitch face

eeeerrrrrthing

YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING 

literally

and Junmyeon thought you were adOrAbLE

“I think she malfunctioned,” your leader gave a face and pushed you on the shoulder to see if you were still breathing as you let out a silent scream

“CAN YOU GUYS DO IT ONE MORE TIME”

????? 

Jongin was too out of breath to fight you

but lol u know what

they did dance again for you

BECAUSE YALL HAD THE CUTEST LIL FACE AND YOU WERE LIKE 16 SO

after that your band and exo were pretty much in one group 

like hella tight 

you were bsicly conjoined twinss

You could be at an award show and your table would be abandoned because you decided to sit with exo or vice versa

HYPING EACH OTHER WAS NOT EVEN HYPE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE YOU GUYS WERE RABID OR SOMETHING WTF 

!!!!CALM!!!!!DOWN!!!!

like you + your group to them:

“thtAS MY CHILd!”

“DID YOU SEE YIXING AND HIS HIPS FUCK YOU BITCH!”

“HE WAS RUDE. THAT WAS RUDE. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED”

“GET OFF THE STAGE SLUT”

“WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP BITCH!”

“~~~that was sooooooo sOFYT”

“CHEN STFU! YOU NEED TO STOP USING THAT DAMN VOICE OF YOURS JONGDAE. THATS ILLEEEEEGAL!”

“myY HERT!”

“OPPA *cries in korean* PLESS!”

“WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY!!!!!?“

‘iN fRonT oF MY sALaD”

“PA$$ THE H01Y W4T3R”

“NO KAI. BAD KAI. STTOOOOPPPP.”

you @ baekyun

baekyun @ you

thIS IS A CHANYEOL HEADCANON BUT I LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MORON WHO I HATE SO MUCH SOMEONE SAVE HIM FROM HIS IDIOCY

them to you + your group:

“first of all fuck, second FUCK”

“wh-- whT WHAS THAT HIP MOVEMENT. U ARE 4 YRS OLD”

“HE did t h a t.”

“NOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAA ch0k3 me”

“I CANT HEAR YOU OVER U BEING SUCH A HOE”

“i cant beLIEVE THIS STADIUM IS SO QUIET” *ears are actually bleeding*

“NOt TODaY S4T4N”

“I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS”

“how does this have 300M views????? ONLY 300M I--”

“GAAAAAHHHHH WHAT WAS THAT MOVE WHT WAS IT”

“my soul has been touched”

“this is TOOOOOOOO much ma lord”

“DID YOU JUST RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF?“

“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

“ASDFRTYUJM ive been shot”

ya dig

it’s not verbal abuse if they can’t hear you cause of the bass and the fact your on stage performing

but like

you guys did everything together

practiced

ate

shopped

toured

pranked

T O G E T H E R

like who else in SM mattered

SHINee who?

JK YOUWERE A SHAWOL THROUGH AND THROUGH

you reassure Minho everytime unless you wanted to die that day

YOu EVEN FANGIRLED OVER TAEMIN’s MOVE WITH MINSEOK

BUT YOU OBVI you had MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM TO BE AN EXO-L and an elf and a cassie and a so-won and DONT FOrget a vip and a---

you get the point

ANYWAY

as you were close with everyone you had a special bond with every individual

YALL STILL TEXT WITH YA BOY KRIS

yOU WENT ON A SHOW IN CHINA WITH LUHAN

TAO LEAVES PUKE COMMENTS ON YOUR INSTA POSTS

my ot12

and as much as you say you are equally close with everyone

errbody knows that be bull the size of russia

yall caNNOT dENy that you and chanyeol have the same crack powder on your philtrums

LIKE KYUNGSOO CANNOT LIVE WHEN YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER

LET HIM LIVEEEEEE

this moment must never die

ya boy be mindin his own business then

BAM BITCH

you and chanyeol be makin D.O. cray af

rest assured he HAS thought of how he’d kill both of you

ANd that’s why chanyeol loves you

like he decided he liked you the moment you lost your breath laughing when he threw a rubber duck at Kyunggsoo’s head, making it squeak in the most demented way no one thought possible

but he knew he loved you when you helped him lighten up on one of his dark days

you had that kind of effect on people

i mean all you did was sit down with him, both of your backs leaned up against each other’s, head occasionally leaning against the other’s head or shoulder, and played some nothings on the guitar and ukulele

but that was more than enough

you were there with him

and that’s what mattered

But literally the moment he accepted his feelings for you

he began to notice something he felt 100000% dumb for not seeing before

the way you laugh when Kyungsoo says a lame-ass joke

the way you always hug him from behind

you did that with literally everyone you were close with sure, 

but Chanyeol noticed you did it with him more 

and he 3

there was also the way you were just always winding up next to Soo when he was around, like he had some sort of magnet on him

and how you just liked poking his cheeks, begging him to show his dimples

which were really faint like gurl--

chANYEOL HAD DIMPLES TOO

CHANYEOL HAS DIMPLES

why daheq did you like his close to nonexistent ones?????????

????????

okay you liked poking Lay’s dimples more

look at my boy, who i love with burning passion ANDWILL DESTROY SM FOR BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BAND SM SM SM!!!!! CHINA KOREA POLITICS FK ALL YALL

and suho

and chen

anD FINE--

yeah you did poke his too

literally anyone who remotely has dimples tbh

BT WHY KYUNGSOO

ads;ajsd;lasjdkas #jelly

so chanyeol decides to ask someone about it

so he obviously goes to his wisest hyung

but the day he  wants to talk to Suho, YOU WERE ON A DATE WITH HIM

like a date but not a date date he could tell

BUT A DATE NONETHELESS AND HE WAS KINDA JELLY

so he goes to Baekhyun for some fucking reason

and he’s like “omg u like her i couLDnt FUCKING TELL FROM ALL THE HEARTS IN TH AIR”

instant regret

but like Baek did give him some advice

like 5% was advice

the other 99% was him screaming to just be a man and tell her

so chanyeol is like, “STFU.... also she likes kyungsoo so fml”

and for a hot second Baekhyun has nothing to say

BAEKHYUN HAS NOTHING TO SAY

“idek dude. this is why i flirted with her openly”

Chanyeol punched him for saying that

but he decides he’s going to tell you after like 231109 years

cos Jongdae said you don’t like Kyungsoo and that he’s sure of it

Chanyeol asked how he was sure and he was just all like

“she had a crush on Sungmin hyung before and DID NOT act like that at all.”

That made Chanyeol a lot more hopeful

So he just went for it

and asked if you wanted to get lunch

and then after eating, you guys walked back

and he just sort of blurted it out

“Joahaeyo.”

you just looked at him and chuckled, “Thank you. I like you too, Yeolie.”

bitch are you for real rn

before Chanyeol could clarify, your walking slowed, “I’ve known for a while now.”

ok

wait

w h a t

“Minseok oppa told me.”

?????????? uhm HOW DID HE KNOW

Chanyeol’s hands were waterfalls atm, “Why did he tell you?”

Your face starts burning red and chanyeol cant help but think of it as a bad sign

“I told him I liked him...”

“... and he said he can’t reciprocate because he knows you like me, and that he can’t do that to his dongsaeng.”

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 

cool story bro

you liked someone in EXO that was NOT him

cool cool cool

I GUESS CHEN WAS RIGHT 

THANKS

wait did that mean chanyeol was this obvious

wait did that mean chanyeol ruined your chances with his hyung

wait was this why you cried that one time

WaiT WAS THIS WHY YOU HUNG AROUND KYUNGSOO

BECAUSE WHENEVER MINSEOK WAS IN THE ROOM, YOU WOULD GET KINDA STIFF AT A POINT AND KYUNGSOO MAKE A JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

WASTHIS WHY YOU TWO HUNG OUT MORE

WHY HADN’T HE NOTICED

AND IF EVERYONE ELSE DID

WHY DIDNT THEY TELL HIM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Chanyeol frowned and called out your name, proceeding to apologize

“Wae? why are you sorry? did you tell minseok to say that to me?“

he couldn’t feel mushy and weird at what you said

“YA dont tell me youre going to be weird around me too. It’s bad enough Minseok oppa distanced himself a bit.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but be angry, sad, protective, and annoyed all at once at what you just admitted to him

“I’ll tell him to stop.”

You pouted, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything, chanyeol.”

“yes but you don’t deserve to feel awkward around anyone.”

“yes but that was minseok oppa’s choice.”

“yes but he was only doing that because he’s my hyung and he’s dumb.”

“yes but-- 

OU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT WE ALL JUST BE AWKWARD AROUND EACH OTHER”

and so you walked forward fast and tried to ignore chanyeol

Chanyeol, with his freakishly long legs caught up with you though

he caught your arm

“What tf are you doing?“

“Ew dont talk to me its awkward. im awkward. your awkward.”

Chanyeol laughed. “yaaaaa, why do i like you?

“THAT’S WHAT IM THINKING HO”

[strawberryspeachy]

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[livelovelaug-h]

Crazy? Not anymore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Request: Can u do a Dean x reader where they dated as kids in school and he sees her again in danger & could u do something like he lied to her before when they were teens and made her believe she was crazy.

Warnings - implied smut. Injures. There's fluff and angst!

A/n: This is for an anonymous who requested this. here we go ! Hope yoou like it ! Probs spelling mistakes. Sorry it took me longer than I thought.

Sometimes life has a funny way of changing your plans. You never believed in ghosts and then you did but people always said you were crazy, even your bf. If someone would have told you that you would have became a hunter, you would have said they were crazy. But here you are, fighting monsters for about 3 years. Crazy is everywhere.

Flashback

You moved into a new house which wasn't bad but it was odd that people never stayed longer than a year. You felt cold spots and smelled some weird stuff. You told your parents and they said they didn't know what you were talking about. You just ignore the feelings. You started your new school and after 3 weeks a new kid came whose name was Dean Winchester.

He was masculine, super hot, tall. His features were amazing, defined nose, nice ass eyes a perfect small face. Even his voice was amazing. He was actually very nice to you and you guys got pretty close. He said he was probably going to leave in a month or two and he did. It would have been the saddest day ever if you guys were talking at the time but you weren't.

You told him about your new house and then you thought you seen something moving but he said that there's no way, ghost weren't real.

Later one night you came home and Dean was there with his dad. You were confused.

End of flashback

You had to focus for this case. It was a vampire nest. You figured you took out one before why not now?? Your were a great ass hunter, you even dated one awhile ago and learned from him.

You were peaking into the little shack it was quiet out until you heard crunching behind you. You whipped around quickly and hit whatever was there. It had its fangs out and was very angry. He stood up quickly and pushed you into the side of the shack.

"ouch."

"put up a real fight." The room was spinning around and around. when you could finally see straight again there were 3 vampires standing in front of you.

"let's see how well you can do." One said and charged at you. You dodged out of the way and he ran into the shack you ran over and chopped his head off. One down two to go. Easy.

The best two came at you at the same time.

You hit the one in the nuts and he just let go for a minute, giving you enough time to head butt the other one pushing him away. You ran the opposite way giving yourself time to duck down and make the one trip over your body. You kicked him and chopped his head off. Two down one to go. Semi easy.

The next one jumper right onto your back. You tried to bite his finger but he didn't care, he bite your neck a little so you flipped him off. He grabbed your ankle, your face landing down first, dropping the weapon 5 feet away. "How do you like this?" He grabbed your face and Smash. smash. Smash you went into thr ground. Blood starting coming down your nose and forehead. He flipped you over and punched your face. You kicked him down trying to get up but he was quicker to the weapon. He grabbed it and stepped on your hand, hard. He kicked you right in the lungs, you started wheezing even more now. Not easy. Hard.

Another vampire was walking over and they starting throwing your body. I guess they like to play with their food. Great and now the one dropped you like you weren't already bleeding enough. They both crouch down to bite you when you lightly heard a "hey!"

"get away from her."

"what's it to you?"

"nothing now move."

"ouu guns you know that doesn't kill us."

"we know."

"but it helps. "

You knew that voice from something or maybe you didn't. You looked over and seen a bright white light, that faded out and there was a guy there. "Good job Cas."

You heard foot steps coming towards you. "Hey are you alright?" You couldnt answer "she passed out and bleeding real bad Cas can you heal her?."

"I think so." He puts his hands on your head and heals you.

You don't remember anything because you blacked out. Well apparently because now your awake In some room and you didn't feel any pain.

"she's awake Dean."

'Dean ??' well there could be a million Dean's in the world so.

"hey how are feeling sweetheart?"

"Dean Winchester??"

He looked a little Leery. "do i know you?"

"we used to go to school together. It's me y/n."

"oh yeah. I remember you. Wow you hunt now?"

You got a little angry Remembering some of the words he said to you before he left.

"yeah because I'm not crazy and apparently you aren't either." You got up to walk away but he stopped you.

"uh.. yeah about that..... Cas do you mind giving us a minute." That must be the angel you've heard about and the one that healed you.

"yeah sure." he just stood there so Dean gave him a look.

"oh uh yeah my bad." He said leaving the room.

"any explaining you'd like to do?"

"feisty just like I remember."

"haa ha good one." You said with a straight face.

"okay look, you know now that this life is crazy and it doesn't let people stay together long. So I didn't tell you because I was trying to keep you safe. "

"so instead you Make me seem crazy and hurt my feelings??"

"it's better than having you dead."

"so you just get a new girlfriend also. Yeah not a jerk move at all."

~

Flashback

You didn't get a chance to ask Dean why he was there but you figured you could the next day at school.

The next day you didn't see Dean but after 3 days he was back. It was Weird because you didn't feel any cold spots in your house anymore or didn't have a strange feeling.

"hey, what's up Dean."

"nothing much."

"where have you been."

"been at work with my dad."

"what does he do, you never told me."

"it's just nothing interesting that's why" he fake laughs.

"it doesn't matter you never tell me it's stuff friends and boyfriend's talk about."

"Maybe because you don't need to know. And you don't see ghost. Your crazy. There are no such thing as hunters either. Just forget it."

"wow okay then. Your such a great boyfriend." You were about to cry you got up and walked away from him.

The next day at school he was kissing some new girl

End of flashback

"did I really mean nothing to you?" You sat down in the bed.

"you did mean something I swear I just. . . I just I had to make you not like me anymore."

"you could have done it a better way."

"i know and I'm sorry I was young and didn't know any better."

"I hated you for so long."

"I deserve that." He half smiled and sat down next to you. "you look good." He said and you blushed.

"thank you so do you. You aged well" You blushed more now that you realized he was so close and so hot.

"touche. How did you get into this life.?"

"that's a long story ."

"I have time. Wanna go grab something to eat? Just us two? "

"sure I'm down." After you guys were done at the diner you went back to the hotel. You and him reconnected perfectly, you joked and laughed and talked for over two hours.

He opened the hotel door for you.

He handed you a beer and sat next to you in the bed again.

"I'm so glad I ran into you again. your so beautiful." He put his hand on your cheek and leaned in & kissed you. It was amazing something you never would have thought would have happened again. His lips were super soft and the kiss started getting rough. His tongue was inside your mouth sliding all over the inside of your mouth. You lightly moaned.

The guy named Cas came in.

"woah dude."

"sorry I didn't know she was still here."

"yeah I am." You rubbed you face.

"thanks for healing me by the way."

"your welcome."

"do you mind cas?"

"no I don't mind." He says and doesn't leave or anything again.

"oh you mean your going to have intercourse."

"woow Cas dude." You burst out laugh, because of how awkward Dean gets.

"good night." He says and vanishes.

"sorry he's uh, not good with uh other people. "

"it's fine. It's kinda funny" you say still laughing. "Maybe even sexier"

"oh yeah?" He says getting closer to your face and kisses your neck leaving a trail of .

"but your sexier." He smashes his lips on yours and lays you down letting the fun take it's course.

[adityafulia]

New post after a while

July 2020

Tale of SOCIOPATH CHAPTER ONE

I’ve been thinking about writing this journal when i was in Mumbai, but never done that

Now i deserve some time alone after another tragedy. Tragedy about a fake relationship with sociopath. Oh god, the most brilliant sociopath

This story started after a stupid one night stand in Bangkok

I was just serving my dirty minds, done that one night stand conciously then i confessed to my fiance then we broke up. It was a bad and hard, 2017. Dark as it was, finally the curtain shut. And once again i was alone, with little to no help, i’ve begun another wild night with this sociopath. I regretted it, as this will become my worst nightmare afterward. I dumped the sociopath, thinking it will never worked out, relationship started from one night stand, and then i broke up with my fiancee, destroying her life big time.

Without knowing, Letting sociopath was the worst decision..

I took a break from june-october, just to make sure that i didnt let anyone come to me, as at that time, i was wounded badly, died because of the guilt, ups and downs between “blaming me” (self loathing) or “blaming my fiancee”. 5 months of restless nights, full of bad thoughts, regrets, sins, cigarettes, sheap coffee and countless hours in the night park. Night park was my thing, i done that just to kill the time. I heard my fiancee, but i could not reach her, even her mother didnt tell me what was the diagnosis. She was in the darkest hour, like me.

Her mother forgiven me, she thought me how to forgive and bless someone. I never forget how she treated me well after my confession. Her mother is the best, till now. After my ex fiance got better, i heard that she got a new boyfriend, which was good for her and she also confessed that she had an affair before me. I was shocked and curious, she let me kill myself without informing me. This is the start of my new problem, in 2018.

This sociopath was a not bad though, i was just kept her aside for a while. At the end of the year, On october, out of the blue, i started to contact this sociopath, when i was on family holiday, just a good gesture to buy her some food from Malaysia. i decided to contact her,after i thought the “break” that i’ve taken was good enough to build my new fortress, taller, thicker, harder than before

At the end, i was thinking to take some responsibilites, to be with her, atleast to finish what i’ve done that night, gracefully

Everything goes smooth, sociopath embrace with, arms wide open, then we carry on, sex after sex, dates after dates, personal story after personal story.

Since the end of 2017, everything went well for us, nothing suspicious, screening has been done properly i thought. All the bad stories, have been verified, i trusted her.

I think she got me, the best way she could be, she is a good listeners, she knows what will excites me, she knows my favourite topics, she knows how to praise me, she knows how to hook me, she knows my favourite foods, she knows a lot.......about me...without me realizing

2018, became a super busy year, molding year, day by day, but we carry on, fights after fights, i was still unsure, i got excited that finally little by little i found a better version of me. Version that i’ve never imagined to come across if im still with my fiancee.

She has a quality, i saw it, i felt it, this is different and i though i could turn this thing into something good. Though i was still unsure on how i can make this relationship official. Months past like hours, i was finally settled with my new weekend habits, taking a class, study like crazy, learnt new things along the way, i was sure i was full enough with new knowledge, super exciting time. On the other hand, finally i’ve made the relationship official with her. We were officially in the relationship, i let this girl in, finally the fortress opened. I let her in. Let her in, too deep

2018 was super duper normal, nothing was fishy as far as i could remember, i’ve busy with my schedule, juggling between office, campus and relationship. I realized, she was more into me, she pulled me , she made me felt the love. I was ignorant enouh actually, but slowly i let my guard down. I’ve follow her way. Though i still had this ego, everytime we fought, im sure, she will contact me first and then we will settle the problem.

She seemed understand and supporting, even though i rarely took her on a date, as we were in the same building, just a lunch or dinner or night ride to station was good enough. I was glad that this sociopath wasn’t demanding so much of my time. We has a fight, but it was marginal, nothing big.

I knew and realized, i was still remembered my fiancee, still wanted to prove her something. Unconciously i checked her profile, hoping i could found his new boyfriend , just to check how good was the boyfriend.

She, of course mad, i knew i was wrong, i confessed, i promised not to do that, but it got repeated, unconciously,,i think she found it from the log, she done something with my ig account, till this day, it is still mistery

This fight was actually, one of her weapon, to attack me, to always blame me for this. To turn the table around. She hated my ex like crazy. She would always blamed her, for everything.

I admit, at first, i was very open, if i talked about my ex, all the good and the bad, i just want to make sure, i informed her, as much as i could, so it will be fair for her. To know, that im jus5 being honest with her. Not hiding anything. And she blamed me, because of my honesty, that made me thought that honesty was not 100percent good.

When i think about it now, actually this is one of her strategy, the passive aggresive weapon, to change my mind, from being proud of honesty, to become “guilty because of honesty”. She made that happen, she made that moral gap, so i will feel guilty if she talked about how brutally honest i am, when i talked about my ex

It’s funny how moral gap can change people’s mind, from being proud to become guilty

Now thinking about this, make me feel pukish, im now 100percent sure, honesty will always find a way, the truth will always be ugly, it’s always been that way, and that’s alright.

At the end of 2018, i got selected for secondment in overseas branches, finally hard work paid, i got the opportunity to leave. My team has been crumbled, my colleagues left the bank one by one. I didnt got any chances to leave, my cv was not that good, never pass the interview after hundreds of cv sent

She mad, because i will leave her, she didnt want a ldr,she hated it..this madness continues from janruary 2020, till aug 2020, we decided to end the relationship. Due to problem with my fiance, she blamed me, because i kept doing that, stalking her profile and also this ldr, she didnt like it. It was short, almost a year of relationship, but i’ve known this socio since 2017, and took me like 1 year to made it official, that just how hard for me to let someone enter my space, my so-called fortress. I’ve known her, for more than 2 years, she had wife qualities, that i though i might need that, she can cook, she can take care of the house, dependable, has a good career, clever, pretty, and the sex was also good.beyond my expectation.

I,ve decided to go, let her wait, i thought i could still look for her, if this is a true unconditional love, as i thought it will be

September, we started the good relationship, nothing changed, we still act like we were couple. But a fight happened after she regretted my decision, she started to bring up past problems, then we stopped to talk each other.

My ego still kicks in, even though she said that if i stayed, then her parents will help for the marriage fee, the car and house. But i took the chances, because it is not how the world works, i have to go abroad, because it was necessary for a men to provide.i will get the better carreer, better future, then when i come back, i could provide more, or at least give a meanigful contribution to our next plan,,she never really understand that.. then we stop talking each other

Finally on october, she announced that she was in realtionship with this new guy. I was shocked, i contacted her, she said it was because i was to ignorant, to selfish, never prioritized her.. this new guy, knew her and gave her all the things that shehave never gotten from me..

I shocked and carry on. And on december she announced that she already engaged with this guy, i was shocked and almost died, i cried heavily, sadly , miserably, called her just to check snd to let her know that i loved this sociopath, i was desperate, badly. She was still responding, she also sad,but she already took decision and need time . I pushed her to think and withdraw as fast as she could. But she couldnt

This was happened around christmas, and till january i pushed her like crazy, every day, i was insecure enough, my ego was shattered, she will never come back to me.. never...

During january 2020, she will responded me , said thst she still loved me,eventhough she was still engaged, she wanted to broke up but she couldnot. She would split the schedule, she would gone eithout contact, if she was with fiancee. I will just wait stupidly and desperately.

Then after a while, i though it was never good decision to get back to her with this kind of way, i disrespect the relationship, her fiancee and most importantly, i disrespected myself.. so one night, i’ve decided, brsvely,to stop contact her,to stop ruining other people relationship, 31 jan, enough, i dont want to become pain in the ass, contacting someone’s fiancee.feeling desperate everytime she went to a date.

I’ve never thought, this was the point, the point that i realized, all of it was just a game, played by sociopath, manipulating, blaming, passive aggresive, just to keep me and her fiancee, just to entertain the beast inside her,, this was the start, i realized this a bit late,, far far too late, as i scrolled those conversation,i began to realized, this was the start. This sociopath has been playing the game since 2017, but due to my ignorance, i’ve never realized,she could become this toxic, this crazy sick twisted fuck

She will blame me for everything, like she was never be my priority

Manipulate me, acting like i was a total jerk, left her, still thinking about my ex, she would never stop blaming me, maybe blaming other people , to be responsible for her unhappiness

She will turn the table, she will make excuse if it was her fault, she will run from problem, she will act as if she was the victim of all events

She will make herself right, all the time, and world is cruel to her

She will go inside you, left you,blame you, angry because of you, regret, saying sorry and then used you for her own pleasures, and then the cycle goes again,, this happened for me.. and it turns out that, she might use the same strategy, to other guys, playing with all of them......., at the same time......

“If you just believe in everything you think, everything is going to be great, well,,,no,, if you lived that way, you are going to be narcissist”

[yuckyxgirl]

just all my thoughts loll

i grew up in a small ass town with strict parents that literally monitored everything in my life and gave me no privacy and of course like every other teenager would i thought it was stupid af. that made me start sneaking out of my house and being gone all night, stealing cars to go places, i’ve even snuck people into my house lol. i did a lot of shit wrong because i hated my parents and how they treated me. i just wanted to be a terrible kid because that’s just who i was at that time. my parents of course hated that and put even more bullshit on me with the control games and made me do all these sports and clubs i was never interested in. i felt like they made me do those certain things and be that certain “perfect student/athlete/daugher” for the image they wanted our judgmental little town to have for our family. they have ruined so many damn important memories in my life too. they have kept me from my own family, ruined important school memories with controlling bullshit like keeping my family from seeing me at my high school proms, my high school graduation, my 18th birthday. i never got to make those happy memories with the family that i loved and wanted to be surrounded by. instead i was left to put on my fake smile and act like i was so happy and they were giving me the biggest parties and best college things because they wanted to be able to show everything off that they did for me.  they wouldn’t even let me go to college for cosmetology because that’s how much they didn’t fuck what about what i wanted with my life. i was so sheltered and so brain washed its not even funny. i wasn’t raised right. never learned the right way to do things or anything like that because my parents were shady af. 

i will never forget the humiliating moment i was trying so hard to remember dee’s phone number to call from my roommates phone for help because my parents had forced me into a counseling session that didn’t go like they thought it would. they ripped my phone and keys from my hand saying that it was theirs and to get the fuck back to my dorm however i could. i started walking and i will never forget how scared i was then. i was in small town so it was nothing dangerous but just that my own parents could just rip everything away and leave me stranded like that. i couldn’t believe how they had just done that to me and drove off like nothing wrong had happened. i remember my roommate picking me up as i walking back to my dorm freaking out that i wouldn’t even be able to get back to my dorm room because they had taken my whole key ring with them. i was so embarrassed to have her show up to pick me up on the street walking. i remember how nervous i felt to have to call dee’s phone and try to explain what had happened and that i needed her help. i have always depended on her my whole life and when my parents took me away from her i didn’t really fight hard enough i just laid down and accepted the rules and punishment when i had to go back home after my step dad beat me. I hadn’t gotten to talk or see her in so long and here i was calling again in an emergency because my parents had done something wrong to me again. that was the second time i had to make that phone call to her begging for her help because she was all i had. i will never be able to put into words how selfless dee was both times i called her in need. she has picked me up from rock bottom more than once and has never failed me. she has somehow always found the good in me when i never saw it or even thought there was any in me. she has shown me a motherly love that i would give anything to be able to experience my whole life. 

i still to this day hate my fucking parents. like both sets of them tbh. my mom and step-dad treated me like shit and always tried to making me look like such a terrible kid but they were just shit parents. he beat me, they stole money from me, tried to ruin my life and control every single part of it. they honestly fucked me up for the first 18 years when they raised me. then at 18 i was lucky enough to meet the piece of shit known as my sperm donor. i thought he was so great after the first visit because of course they were like so excited to meet me. i went back for christmas and fuck them. my dad is a felon alcoholic that literally got his ankle bracelet off and a month later was drinking like he was when he got it on!! he never financially provided for me as a child when i was alive for 18 years so when i asked him for help while i was in school he was going to give me the bare minimum amount that i asked to help me pay for my car while i worked to pay rent and live. his fucking stupid ass washed up version of my mom (my new step mom) bitched every fucking month about sending me $100 for it and i fucking hated that bitch from the beginning. she is a terrible mother that doesn’t raise her brat fucking daughter right. she has just as bad of a drinking problem and felt so threatened when i came into their life. life i hadn’t already been his daughter for 11 years prior. but whatever the insecure bitch felt so threatened by me and always tried to sabotage my relationship with my dad. i never got to bond with him or get to know him other than the shit parts that i saw and heard. when i went for their wedding was really when i fucking lost it. they had the most disgusting backwards wedding and visit. that bitch was so fucking evil and i honestly wish now that i would have tried harder to ruin their wedding. they don’t deserve to call me their daughter and be happy that i’m “finally in their lives” so i’ll probably let me know that soon just so they know how i truly feel about them both. both sets of my parents are so fucked up and honestly that’s probably why i’m so fucked up and feel like i have so many things wrong with me. i’ve suffered thru traumatic experiences and never got proper therapy or recovery from it so that’s my next step in my life to get past this. but i am so relieved to know that i never have to speak to any of them again. they never deserved me as a daughter and i never deserved to grow up like that. fuck all them i won’t let them ruin my life forever. onto bigger better things without them and they will never ever get to know or be apart of it.

i guess i hold a lot of anger because of how much it feels like they ruined my lives. not only with the control and not being able to figure out who i am as a person but when my step-dad (guy who always literally claimed to have given me life lmao) beat the shit out of me and made me literally run away to a middle school friends house to get help from his mom because that’s the only thing i could think to do. they had taken my phone and ipad so i couldnt contact anyone for help. how fucking bullshit i felt in that moment having this huge guy beating me in the face and shoving me down and digging his thumbs into the bottom of my chin. i will never forget how helpless i felt then and how much i can’t ever fucking forgive my mom for just watching the whole thing happen to me and just watching. then when i explained what happened she would lie and say that it wasn’t happening but she was right fucking there. that night has got me so fucked up probably forever. i am always so sensitive to guys yelling or anything with angry men because i am probably still traumatized from what happened to me that night. fast forward to being forced to move back home and becoming so fucking depressed i ruined my life at that time. i was coping with my depression by sleeping a fuck ton. i didn’t want to be awake or in that house which they trapped me in so i just always felt tired and could sleep. 18 or more hours if i was left alone or unbothered. i kept my door shut and had a room in our basement living area so no windows and would just stay in the complete darkness of my room and try to avoid everything. i think at that point i was just so fucking done living life. i really did want to kill myself at that time and honestly if i could have been alone more during that time i probably would have just done it one day. that’s how much my life wasn’t even worth it anymore. i made it thru the rest of the bullshit acting and being something i’m not for the show my parents put on. the typical big school trips and graduation parties and presents because they wanted to look like the fucking best parents ever ya know?? because maybe then everyone would be like nah he didn’t beat her. no way. whatever and fuck anyone that has ever accused me of lying about that night. i finally had the shittiest experience in college. i was sleeping so fucking much again. i skipped classes for like a month before i dropped out. i hated it at that school, the program i was in, the people, fuck that college. of course that was the college my parents picked and made me go to. what a surprise right 

uhh fast forward just a lil bit i was in hair school and had finally moved out onto my own. i was terrible and idk what the fuck i did with my life at that time. i wish i never would’ve gone that early and fucked everything up for myself. but as usual the whole time i was in school and after i wasn’t confident and literally hated myself. i let depression and fuck up meds control my life. i would take them so i like couldn’t even remember things. my memory just started becoming like a fog when i would try to remember literally anything. i slept around because ya know the attention felt nice. i wouldn’t respect myself or my body to know my worth and not do the shit i did but at least i learned from it. i’m not proud of it by any means and i’m sure as fuck aware of all my terrible fucking choices in men. i will forever know that and be like damn girl you let that fuck up your life a lot lol

i finally left kansas and for a long time was pretty unhappy. idk probably a lot of trying to adjust being away from my family and we just lived in a shit situation at that time. but we finally got our lives together. i fucking work on my depression and shit and make it more known that way vince can help me to get thru it. for the first time in like forever i actually feel fucking good about myself and how i look. it feels really fucking good. like now that i’ve had this huge realization that the way i was raised and everything i thought was normal was actually wrong and bullshit. i can honestly say that i’ve seen so much and changed so fucking much this year and its so awesome. i have figured out who i am and cut so many undeserving fucks out of my life. i’ve blocked all those fucked up people in my life so they can’t even see what i’m doing lol. i have finally figured out that i don’t have to take the shit i don’t deserve anymore. i used to be a huge fucking pushover and i’m not going to be anymore. fuck that. i know who i am and my worth. i’m living my life and worrying about myself because that’s the only thing that fucking matters. 

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

I am extremely curious how dumb this loser has acted this time if your whole fam is like >>>>>>>>

BRUH IT IS TEA TIME

and upfront as i said in the tags, this isn’t super hot scalding tea like the time he cheated, but just dumbfuckery and him not wanting to learn while also being an ass. so yeah no biggie just idioticy but like.... i also hate his guts so lmao so i mentally make it all worse in my head cause i hate him

so my sister and bf work together cause he is kinda creepy and keeps switching jobs when she switches jobs so that he can work with her btw did i tell you he is very controlling and obsessive about her whereabouts he even called my mum once when he couldnt find her on the tracking app that he wanted her to have on her phone ANYWAY also working as a waiter at the same restaurant

and disclaimer: working as a waiter or not having the highest grades do not make you dumb. sheer and utter incompetence to grasp that you’re an idiot and not wanting to improve makes you dumb. he’s the latter.

also context: my entire family has worked in wait staff

BASICALLY he absolutely fucking sucks at his job up till the point where my sister can’t handle working with him and again, it’s his first time waiting tables so he can learn BUT THIS BITCH has the audacity to command my sister all the time and boss her around when my sister points out that he sucks

and we all go: “this is kinda rude and unreal, cause he has no business acting so bossy when he doesn’t even put any effort in his work”

sis: “yeah but he is just trying to be kind he doesn’t want to be bossy or rude”

us: “.... GIRL if he can’t wait tables that is fine but when you call him out on it or want to help him, he gotta know that you know better”

and tbh my entire fam is just like... HOW can she not see this? like, she talks about the crappy stuff he does at work (like rudely yelling from 2 metres apart to guests: “yo, you guys done? want the receipt?” when my sister asks him to ask if guests want the receipt) and she keeps asking for confirmation that she’s not bad for thinking he’s bad at his job (“you guys think that’s weird too, right? i mean, you shouldn’t do that, right? so you say it’s rude, okay, right? i am not wrong in feeling uncomfortable and embarrased, right?”)

so we confirm that it is just bad manners but that he can learn like we all did, since waiting tables is a skill (which, as you read, he puts no effort in), but she still just.... idk... i sometimes thinks she doesn’t want to admit that he is just not the perfect guy that she wants him to be. and she knows that he isn’t perfect. one thing that i GENUINELY admire from my sister is that she does not put up with all the crap he pulls (altho... i also dont understand why they just haven’t broken up yet like when will she SNAP). but yeah, she immediately jumps into his defense and i just think that it’s shitty. she knows he’s being unnecessarily rude and that she knows better. we confirm that multiple times. and then she immediately goes “oh but no he isn’t commanding he’s just- he doesn’t know better”

... babe

also since this guys is so unnecessarily obsessive about my sister’s behaviour and he continuously criticises her for little things she likes, i also just cant fucking stand him having the sheer audacity to act controlling and commanding over this. but he’s also a fucking cunt so i couldve seen it coming so me being surprised is on me i guess

basically i felt my braincells diE  every time my sister talked about how bad he is at his job and AGAIN it’s a skill that you can learn and i can imagine that he just never was in that environment before but just the lack of motivation to even try to learn is YIKES to me, especially since my sister is the most driven person ever. she works hard for things she wants. she flaunts her knowledge. i mean do i think she’s stupid for taking him back in the first place, yeah, but apart from that i cannot emphasise how competent she is

but this relationship just also brings out the worst in my sister and the gap in competence makes it worse and worse

WHICH LEADS TO PART 2

his sorry ass hasn’t finished high school after failing several times and AGAIN that does not make a person less valuable (academic pretention is yikes), but he doesn’t even try and basically me and the fam believe he is straight up lying now cause he was supposed to hear if he has finally graduated around a month ago

my sis: “oh, he said he hasn’t gotten results yet”

us: “.... you know that all high schools are closed since the year has ended and that summer vacation started 1 week ago and that the test happened more than a month ago”

my sis: “YEAH but there’s less strictness and more extensions due to corona”

me: “yeah true but i just did a 5 second google search and even the extended deadline is over”

fam: “has he at least applied for further education??”

sis: “well no but he says he still has time”

me: “YEAH and ANOTHER 5 second google search showed that that extended deadline ended 2.5 months ago”

AND AGAIN your scholary achievements do not make you any less value bla bla bla, but he had A WHOLE DAMN YEAR to do one subject and even my sister said that it’s super easy and she doesnt get why he hasn’t passed it, but he just did nothing and he knows that my sister finds it very important that he can at least do something cause again she’s super driven and it makes her feel bad of her achievements

which is a RED FLAG. you know, women having to tone down their achievements in order to not outshine men’s fragility cause they don’t want a woman to be better than them

but i think she just realised that he’d been lying and yeah we all felt kinda bad for her, cause she doesn’t deserve that. she left and me and my parents just looked at each other like “would he lie about something so big?”

all of us collectively: “YEAH”

... i mean, he lied about cheating

i just for once want him to stop lying with his hypocritical ass. this bitch lies all the damn time but the moment he finds out my sister called a boy a year ago before they were dating, he needs to hear EVERYTHING (lol about that one time he tried to expose my sister for talking to a guy regularly even before they were dating.... it was our cousin Bobbie). so yeah he needs to know everything or he gets super weird but he can lie about shit like this (and cheating cause truly i wont be surprised if he’s done it again tbh)

and ugh this is a messy reply but just.... 

I FIND HIM SO STUPID FOR THIS and i feel so bad for my sister cause i can imagine that it’s not nice for her to hear all of this either, but FACE IT, this dude hasn’t tried to do shit for a year and now he’s lying and it just makes me so damn mad and she needs to hear it

i feel like this isn’t even the worst thing he’s done cause not knowing how to wait tables does not make you a bad human being, but this relationship is so incredibly unhealthy and toxic that ive reached a point that i am even worried for his well-being (and i FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS). this relation makes both of them so vile and it shows their worst and toxic sides, and i know my sister only does it to show him how unhealthy his behaviour is, but come on COME ON one day she’s gonna snap/

so these things just make it all worse for them in the bigger picture and either he gotta clear up his act or they just gotta break the fuck up

since i have no hope in the first possibility, im gonna join my grandma in praying for the second one

and that’s why we’re all like >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[ashenworth]

OKAY hear me out. I had the sudden urge to finish my Twilight s/i’s story. I couldnt just leave it unfinished it was eating away at me. so here it is, The whole ass backstory i wrote for my Twilight s/i. im so sorry if mobile doesnt show the read more, bc its fucking LONG

words: 10 560

Ashley Hale (formerly Ashley Davidson)

Born: Sept 15, 1942

Turned: 1962

From: Edmonton, AB, Canada.

Born near the end of the second World War and raised in Edmonton, Ashley (but she prefers “Ash”) lived a relatively normal life until the age of 20. Her father, who was deemed unfit for service, worked as a bank teller. Her mother a nurse, before becoming pregnant.

One night, in July of 1962, she and her family were taking a road trip to visit some relatives outside of the city. Rain was pouring down, but they were only about 10 minutes from the nearest rest stop. Her father, not wanting to spend any more time in the rain than needed, decides to speed up a little in the hopes of arriving sooner. Nobody would have thought that it would be an issue, as the roads had been empty for most of the trip so far, but that would prove to be wrong. With all the rain, he failed to notice the deer that had just stepped onto the road until slightly too late. He swerves and successfully avoids the animal, but the wet ground fought against them and caused them to tumble into a ditch.

When Ash regained consciousness, the car was beat up and laying on its side, having flipped a few times over. Weakly, she manages to pull herself out of the busted window, adding even more cuts and bruises to her frail body. As she falls to the ground, head spinning and vision blurring, she glances inside the car to see her parents, completely still and covered in blood. Before she can make any sense of it, she passes out from blood loss.

Her vision slips in and out, creating a slideshow of the events to follow. A few shots of nothing. Click. Two pairs of feet near the car. Click. One pair is now closer, wearing combat boots. Click. The other pair, sneakers. Click. Both pairs, now next to her. Click. Long, curly black hair and set of golden eyes. Click. Then, black.

Pain

Searing and unrelenting pain. It floods her body in a wave, and is so powerful that she can’t think. Writhing and screaming for what feels like hours. Is there no end? Please, it hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

Please, it hurts so much.

Please.

How long has it been? It feels like weeks. Months even. It doesn’t stop. Why hasn’t she died yet?

Wait.

It’s subsiding. Is she dying? Is it finally over?

The pain lessens. Only a touch, but enough for some relief. Then, ever so slowly, it lessens more and more. When it’s finally over, she lies there. Unconscious, but peaceful.

She has a dream. It’s blurry, but, she sees a couple. A man with pale skin and bright blonde hair. His arm is around a woman. Same pale skin, with brown, almost red hair. They’re smiling warmly at her. Her head turns. There she sees four other people. All with the same pale skin. She feels happy to see them. One of them, a dirty blonde haired man, steps towards her and holds out his hand.

She wakes up. As her eyes adjust to her surroundings, she starts to panic. She’s in a log cabin that is completely unfamiliar to her. She sits up. Before she can survey any more of the room, she has another dream. This time, while shes awake.

The same scene as before, but shifted in perspective. Her hand is outstretched. She’s seeing through the dirty blonde’s eyes. In front of her is a short haired woman. She’s mesmerizing. As this short haired woman looks into her eyes, she feels warm. Like these people are family. The short haired woman smiles, and takes hold of the hand in front of her.

She comes back to reality, to the unfamiliar scene she found herself in. Her mind is racing. What is happening? Why did I see that? Who are they? Where am I? Shouldn’t I be dead? Before she can calm down, the door opens.

The black haired woman she saw at the scene of the car crash slowly comes in, but freezes when she sees Ash awake. Quickly, she shuts the door, and footsteps can be heard walking away. She comes back with a cup in her hands, and holds it in front of Ash’s face

“Please, drink this.”

“What’s going on? Who are you?”

“Before I answer any questions, I need you to drink this. You’re thirsty, right?”

Ash almost didn’t notice with all the chaos, but her throat is burning. She can smell the drink so strongly that it’s almost like it’s calling to her. She takes the cup and starts to drink as fast as she can without even looking at it first. Her thirst subsides enough to calm down a little.

“There, is that better?”

“Yeah, it helps.”

“My name is Helen. My partner, Jo, and I found you in that car wreck.”

“I… don’t really remember much of it.”

“And you probably won’t. Your life… it’s going to be very different from now on. You were dying. Holding on by a thread with the little strength you had. We saved you. Jo was against it, but, I couldn’t just let you suffer there…” Helen trails off. She looks down and remembers something. “Oh! Right, let me get you a change of clothing! I promise, when Jo comes back, we will explain everything.” Helen gets up and leaves the room.

Ash looks down. Her clothing is torn and covered in dried blood. Right. I guess she didn’t really get a chance to change. Helen returns with some clothing in her hands.

“Here you are! They might be a little big but that’s nothing a little alterations can’t fix!” She hands Ash the clothing and starts to walk out of the room. “Oh, by the way…” Helen looks at her feet, a little sheepish. “We never managed to find out your name.”

“Oh! Uh, Ash.”

Helen nods. “Ash. That’s a beautiful name. When you’re done, please, come on out.” She smiles, and leaves the room.

Ash’s thoughts keep racing through her head as she changes. I’m alive. I was saved. But, there’s so much I still need to know. The burning in her throat intensifies again. That drink she had earlier still lingering on her tongue.

Before she can leave the room, Ash hears muffled voices through the door. Curious, she places her ear to the door. It’s hard to make out fully, but she can hear some of what is being said.

Helen: “...woke up…”

???: “....thought…..wake up...tomorrow….”

Helen: “Go….hello”

Ash hears footsteps coming towards the door, and she backs away quickly. Helen knocks

“May I come in?”

“Oh! Yes, it’s fine!”

Helen opens the door and her eyes light up when she sees Ash.

“Oh, those clothes fit you well! I’m glad.” She shuffles to the side of the door to let someone else in. A tall, stocky woman enters the room. Red curly hair comes down just past her shoulders, and she’s wearing what seems to be hiking gear.

“Ash, this is Jo. My partner.” Helen introduces the two of you, a slightly nervous look on her face. The tall woman, who you now know is Jo, has a blank expression.

“Hey, uh, sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. We weren’t expecting you to come back to us so soon.” Jo mutters.

“That’s alright. I’m still not really sure what’s going on anyway…” Ash trails off, sensing a little but of tension in the air. Jo shoots Helen a look.

“Jo, she just woke up. I wasn’t sure how to handle it on my own.” Helen admits, head turning towards the floor. “Why don’t you come out into the dining room, Ash? We can explain everything there.” The pair walk out of the room, hand in hand.

She follows suit, walking into the main area of the cabin. It’s a lot larger than she expected when you compare it to the size of the room they were just in. Ash takes some time to take in the sights. From the paintings on the walls to the decorations all around the room. Slowly, she makes her way into the dining area, where there’s a table big enough to fit 10 or so people.

“Please, have a seat. I’ll get you some more food.” Helen walks to the kitchen while Jo sits at a chair. Ash isn’t quite sure where to sit, so she takes a spot just diagonal of Jo as to not make things weirder.

“How you feelin, kid?” Jo’s raspy voice cuts the silence like a hot knife, startling Ash slightly.

“Uh, not awful, I guess. My throat is killing me. I have this..very strong craving. I don’t exactly know what I need though…” Jo sighs.

“Yeah, I remember that feelin’. Don’t worry, it’ll be a bit more clear soon.”

Helen comes back with a pitcher and a few glasses on a tray, one glass already full and ready to be served.

“Here, Ash, drink this. It will help with that burning in your throat.” She encourages. Ash ignores the irresistible smell coming from the cup for a very short amount of time to examine the liquid. It's crimson in colour and thick. Without a second thought, she downs the whole glass.

“God, that's good.” She groans, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

“Huh...I’ve never seen a newborn with that much restraint.” Jo somewhat mumbles to herself.

“Yeah, they’re usually so...feral.” Helen murmurs, a puzzled look on her face as she gets lost in thought. The two give each other a quick look as they continue to think aloud.

“I guess she’s just different. It’s not like we’ve seen every newborn in the world.” Jo quips.

“You’re right. Hell, we haven’t even seen a gift with our own eyes. Just talk.” Helen replies.

“Um...I’m sorry to interrupt…” Ash quietly speaks up. The two turn their heads to her, looking like they forgot she was even in the room. “What’s going on? What do you mean by ‘newborn’? Like, a baby? And why can’t I stop thinking about...” She trails off before finishing her sentence, not wanting to say it out loud.

“It’s okay, Ash. It’s going to be alright.” Helen tries her best to comfort the younger girl. “Uh, this might sound really weird but-”

“Yer a bloodsucker.” Jo cuts Helen off.

“JO! What the fuck!”

“She deserves the truth and she deserves it straight.” Jo leans back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“Wh-what? Do you mean like...Dracula? Like, old legends and myths?” Ash’s brain is running a million miles a second, jumping from question to question and the overwhelming craving she has. “Is...that what I want so desperately right now? Is it blood?” Her heart would be pounding if it was even moving at all.

“Yes. Jo and I are vampires as well. That craving is going to stay for a while. When things get settles down, we were going to take you hunting.” Helen says, being careful to choose her words.

“Hunting? For...humans?”

“Oh, Lord, no! Jo and I only hunt animals. There are plenty here in Northern Alberta. We don’t touch humans”

“If you show that kind of restraint out there like you did in here, you shouldn’t have too much of a problem when it comes to feeding. Not many people up here, anyhow.” Jo reassures. Ash stays silent as she tries to sort out her own thoughts and process this new information.

The room stays silent for a minute or so, before Helen cuts through it.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m sorry for making you this way.” She puts her head down in remorse. “We smelled all the blood from the car crash. When we got there, the two in the car, who we assumed were your parents, were already dead. You were just lying there in the grass, hanging on within an inch of your life. I felt that you deserved a second chance. It was all my idea. I was the one to change you and I swear I will help you through this.” She says through gritted teeth, determined to finish what she started. Ash stares at her for a few seconds.

“Thank you. For giving me a chance. I’m still so confused, but I feel like I’m going to be okay now.” She smiles warmly at Helen. Helen smiles back, perking up at Ash’s words.

“Okay then, how’s about we try some hunting?” Jo remarks, standing up from the table. Helen and Ash follow suit. As Ash stands, another vision comes to her.

It’s the same set of people, but in a slightly different scenario, They’re all sitting together in one big living space, talking and laughing. The scene pans over and she sees the same beautiful woman from before. The woman looks at her and smiles warmly. Ash is filled with a strong feeling of love from looking at her.

The vision fades and Ash comes back to the real world to find Jo and Helen staring at her.

“Sweetheart, what just happened? Did you see something?” Helen asks, walking over to the dazed girl and placing a hand on her back. “Please, tell me.”

Ash explains the visions that she has seen in great detail, even down to the colours of insignificant background pieces of furniture. Helen thinks on it before speaking.

“I think you may have a gift, Ash.” She says, smiling brightly to the girl.

“A gift?”

“Yes. Some of us have what we call ‘gifts’. I’ve heard of things like mind reading, future seeing, or, the ability to inflict pain without touching a person. Not everyone has a gift, so, you’re a bit special in that way.” Helen starts walking over to Jo.

“So, what gift do I have?” Ash questions.

“Well, we’re not completely sure. It could be future seeing. We would have to do a little bit of testing before we can figure it out.” Helen stretches out her hand. “For now, let’s go do some hunting, okay? You look parched.”

Ash takes it, and they walk out the door and into the dark of night.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The year was 1920 when Mary Alice Brandon (aged 19) was changed. She lost her memories, but her visions of the future were only intensified. Her first vision after changing was of herself and another vampire. She and this male vampire were close, holding each other and whispering into each other’s ears. She saw this, and could see that they were in love.

    Her second was of herself and this man together, surrounded by a beautiful family. They were all talking together. She knew that she belonged with them..

    Her last vision was vague. It was of herself, running through a forest. When she stops, she looks around. Then keeps running. She stops again, and looks around once more. Before she can take off, she comes face to face with a woman. Her dark red hair catches the eye of Mary Alice as it moves with the wind. They lock eyes for a moment, in shock.

    And it ends. She wants so desperately to see more, but nothing happens when she tries. She decides to set off in search of those she saw in her visions.

    Some time passes. She changes her name to just “Alice” and her search for the man from her visions finally comes to an end in 1948. He finally shows up at the empty diner they were fated to meet in and Alice is elated to finally see this mystery man, who she learns is named Jasper, in person. They bond and become closer than they could imagine, however, they both can tell that they aren’t meant to fall in love. They decide to stick together and brace this world with a newfound companionship.

    Two years later, they find the family from Alice’s vision. The Cullens, they were called. Carlisle was the oldest. A doctor with incredible restraint and a calming aura. His wife, Esme, who was gorgeous and caring. Edward, a somewhat closed off boy with the gift to read minds. Rosalie, a hardened woman who was given a second chance she didn’t want. Lastly, Emmett. A burly manly-man who is head over heels for Rosalie. They accepted Alice and Jasper into their home and into their hearts quickly, which meant the search was over.

    Alice spent the next few decades with the last of her visions in the back of her mind. She didn’t have any follow up to this mysterious girl and where she would be able to find her, so she would just sit and wait for another vision, like she had done so in the past.

    Then, one day, she finally got one.

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    The year is 1967, 5 years after Ash Davidson turned. Her newborn years have come and gone and she’s come to terms with her new life.

    With nowhere else to go, she still stays with nomads Jo and Helen, the women who replaced her parents after the change. They taught her how to hunt, and they answered every question Ash had about this new form.

    “Do we burn if we go in the sun?”

    “Nope, myth. But, our skin takes on a glittering effect that would give us away to any human who sees us, so be careful.”

    “Are we invisible in mirrors?”

    “Nope. You could have just checked that one yourself.”

    “Do we need to be invited to be able to enter someone’s house?”

    “Nah, that’s all folklore.”

    And so on. Every question they could answer, they did, as they guided this young vampire through her new life. Now, they’re helping her train her gift.

    “Okay, now, I want you to stay here in the house. Jo and I will leave and you’ll hear a loud noise. That’s your signal to start. You got that, Ash?” Helen, the black haired woman, is standing outside of the door to the log cabin that has become home with Jo, ready to start training for the day.

    “I got it. Listen for the noise and start.” Ash gives her a thumbs up and watches as the two of them disappear into the woods. After a few seconds, a loud crack can be heard from the direction they headed, and Ash takes that as her cue.

    Ash closes her eyes and focuses on Jo. She searches for her in the woods, winding through the trees and bushes until she finds her.

    Ash opens her eyes and finds herself in the woods, leaning against a tree. She looks to her left and sees a small tree trunk cracked in half. In her hands, she’s got a piece of wood and a knife and is whittling something. When she looks up, she sees Helen, who seems to be speaking gibberish.

    “Wolf. Hairbrush. Scalpel. Orange. Baseball. Zebra.” Helen is repeating this set of words in this exact order, with her fingers making numbers to match. Wolf is three, hairbrush is five, scalpel is ten, orange is two, baseball is one and zebra is ten again. Helen repeats this pattern  a total of 5 times.

    “Okay, I think we should be good.” Helen says, as she turns around and heads back in the direction of the cabin.

    Ash blinks and she’s back to where she was, standing in the living room of her home. She waits for a few minutes before she hears the other two return and open the front door.

    “So?’ Jo says, as she walks towards Ash, holding a knife and a piece of wood in her hands. “Whatcha got?”

    Ash repeats the six words and their numbered counterparts exactly as she saw them back to Jo and Helen. Helen beams

    “Oh, sweetheart, that was perfect! You did so good! You were faster than ever, too!” Helen wraps her arms around Ash in an embrace.

    “Yeah, good job, kid.” Jo mumbles, staring down at her project. Ash closes her eyes again and looks through Jo’s for only a second before coming back.

    “Jo, I know you’re happy, too. No need to hide it anymore.” Ash puts on a sly grin as Jo shoots her a glare, and mumbles something to herself about “that damn kid and her gift”.

    For the years to come, Ash would train her gift to the point to where she didn’t have to search for the person she wanted to find, she could just focus on them and see what they do. She tried endlessly to see any of the people from her first activation, but to no avail. She wouldn’t get anything until a little over a decade later, in 1979. The same year that Alice Cullen finally had her second vision of the dark red haired woman.

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    It’s been 29 years since Alice and Jasper joined the Cullen family, 31 years since they met and 59 years since Alice turned and had her very first visions of the future as a vampire. 59 long years that she waited for something to turn up about the woman she saw in her visions. Alice knew that this woman would mean something to her. She just wanted to know more.

    When the vision came, she stopped dead. She was out hunting with Jasper, Edward, and Esme. Along with them was Tanya from the Denali coven, another vegetarian group that the Cullens have been staying with for quite some time now.

    Edward, who had become accustomed to when Alice had a particularly important vision, clued in instantly and was watching with her.

    She saw herself following the dark red haired girl through the woods and up to a cabin. She took in the sights and noted the cabin as the girl led her inside. Alice sees two other women, both vegetarian vampires.

    The vision ends and Alice can barely stand. Finally, a clue. A big one, at that.

    “Alice, that was the girl, wasn’t it?” Edward asks, knowing all about Alice’s search from her own thoughts. Alice nods lightly, and Esme drops to her side.

    “Girl? What girl?” Tanya questions. Jasper cuts in.

    “When Alice turned, she had three visions. One of myself, one of the Cullens, and one of another vampire girl. She’s been searching for this girl for almost 60 years with nothing to go on. This is the first time since then that she’s seen her.”

    “This girl, is she friend or foe?” Tanya asks, nervous about the intentions of this stranger.

    “We don’t know. We just know that she’s important to Alice.” Esme pipes up, her hand on Alice’s back, comforting her.

    “I think I know where she is.”  Alice says quietly. Edwards follows.

        “That cabin, we saw it on our way up to Alaska, didn’t we?” Alice nods.

    “I think so. Tanya, do you know of any other vegetarians nearby? The three I saw all had golden eyes like us.” Tanya shakes her head.

    “Not that I know of, but, Carmen and Eleazar might. We separate when hunting and they may have come across some nomads before. I can ask when we get back.” Alice nods, then stands up.

    “Okay, let’s get back to hunting. I’ll need to be at full energy if I’m going to look for her.”

    “You mean we, right?” Jasper raises his eyebrow at her. Alice shakes her head.

    “I’m sorry, but I think I need to do this alone. She might get scared if a cavalry shows up looking for her.” 

    “We can’t just let you go alone! We don’t know her intentions, or why she’s important to you.” Jasper raises his voice, his concern growing as the conversation continues.

    “What if she’s important because she’s the one who kills you, Alice? We don’t know anything about her because you haven’t had any visions.” Edward chimes in.

“She won’t. I know it.” Alice says, getting more and more frustrated.

“No, you don’t! If you knew for sure, then I would know, too!” Edward yells.

“I can just feel it, okay? You have to trust me!” Alice yells back, getting into Edwards face.

Jasper puts himself between them and places one hand on each of their shoulders. Instantly, the tension dies down.

“Stop, you two. Alice, don’t you think it would be smarter if someone came along with you? They can just watch from a distance. She doesn’t even have to see them.” Jasper asks, hoping to convince her.

“Fine.” Alice caves, knowing fully well that they won’t give up on it. “But, they have to stay far enough back that she won’t know anyone’s there.”

“Then, I’ll do it.” Edward offers. “That way, I can hear what she’s thinking and step in if i need to.”

“You won’t need to…” Alice mumbles under her breath as everyone prepares to finish their hunting trip.

Edward says nothing when Alice’s thoughts are filled with protests to the idea. “Okay, let’s get going. I think there’s some deer to the north.”

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The day that would change Ash’s life forever. It started out normal. At sunrise, she sat outside and watched the sun come up through the trees. A tradition she started after a few years of staying with the two nomads who found her. 

Then, using her power, she would check the perimeter to make sure no one was near the cabin by ‘expanding’ her senses to cover 100 metres all around the house, a skill that she developed while training.

When nothing was found, she went back into the house to do some cleaning. Dusting, vacuuming, etc. When she was finished with that, she would use her free time to do various other hobbies. Training her power, reading, or knitting. Those are what she was currently invested in.

Today, she decided to train for a bit. She wanted to try expanding her search radius from 100 metres to 200.

She goes back outside and sits down in the snow. Then, she closes her eyes and starts to expand her senses once again.

Within seconds, she hits the 100 mark. Slowly, from there, she pushes herself further. 101, 102, 103. It takes a few minutes but eventually, she hits 150. She opens her eyes and pulls back, happy with the results. She closes them again and goes a second time, hoping to speed up and to hit 200.

Although, this time, when she hits the 200 mark, she picks up on something.

When her vision returns, she running through the trees. On the surface, she’s calm and collected, but underneath, her emotions start running wild. Hopeful, but nervous. Excited, but worried.

Ash comes back to her own eyes and panics. Someone’s actually near the cabin for the first time since she’s turned and she has no clue what to do.

Thinking quickly, she closes her eyes once more and searches for more people. She gets a hit, someone who is a few metres behind the first person. All she can see through their eyes are the trees in front of them and the other blurry figure running through the forest. They’re extremely worried for the one they’re following.

She comes back after searching. Two other vampires, coming straight for the cabin. A situation she has never had to deal with until now.

She stands up. I have to take care of this on my own. Without alerting Jo and Helen, who are sitting blissfully unaware inside the cabin, she heads towards the unwanted guests.

Making sure to stay quiet, she slowly comes up to the place where she last saw them and hides behind a tree. Then, she enters the first person’s eyes. They’re standing in the middle of a clearing, looking around in circles for something.

“It was here, wasn’t it?” They say to themselves. It’s a female voice. Her emotions are still running wild, but this time, she’s more hopeful.

When this girl looks around, Ash notices that she’s not at all well hidden behind the tree she picked. As if on cue, the girl notices the same thing and slowly started to walk towards the tree.

Ash comes back to her own eyes. Her mind starts racing with all the options she has but as far as she can tell, none can end well. Taking matters into her own hands, she decides to confront them.

She quickly comes out from behind the tree, baring her teeth and ready to fight. And she sees it.

In front of her is a face she knows all too well. A face that she’s been searching for since she turned in 1962, 17 years ago. The face she knows as the ‘short haired woman’.

And she’s standing right in front of her.

Instantly, Ash notices the shocked expression on the short haired girl’s face.

“It’s you.” The woman says, unable to muster anything else.

“W-what?”

“I...I’ve been looking for you. For 60 years.”

“Si- you…” Ash sputters out, unable to stop the rapid thoughts going through her mind right now. Slowly, the girl gets closer and takes Ash’s hand into her own.

“I’m Alice.” She says, with a smile.

“I’m...I’m Ash. How...how did you find me?” Ash asks.

“My gift. When I turned, I saw you in a vision. I’m a future seer. I saw this place, that cabin, and you, just a few months ago. With the help of some friends, we were able to track you down.” Alice replies.

“You...you saw me? When you turned?”

“Yes. I knew somehow that you would be important to me. But, I couldn’t see you after that. I couldn’t see you no matter how hard I tried. Then, I finally did. And it brought me here.” Alice explains, her face beaming.

“I saw you when I turned, too. My gift allows me to see through someone else’s eyes, and to feel the emotions that they feel. I saw you, and a group of others. Then, I never found you again. I tried and tried but nothing happened.”

Alice brings her hand up to Ash’s face, caressing it lightly as tears form in her eyes, and smiles.

“We...saw each other? That means that our fates lead us together.” She says.

Ash nods, taking her own hands and placing them on top of Alice’s. Then, she remembers something.

“Wait. Someone was with you, right? Who was that? I can’t seem to find them anymore…”

“Oh! That was my brother, Edward. He was with me just in case out meeting didn’t go well. I think he backed off once he realized that things were okay.”

Ash closes her eyes and quickly checks on Jo and Helen to make sure they’re still okay. When it’s confirmed, she grabs Alice’s hand.

“Come with me. I want you to meet my family.” She says, as she pulls Alice behind her towards the cabin.

Periodically, Ash looks back at Alice. Sometimes, in disbelief that she’s even here. Sometimes, she just wants to keep looking at Alice’s face. She’s even more beautiful in person.

When they reach the cabin, Ash stops.

“Wait out here, okay? I want to explain the situation first.” She says. Alice nods in response.

Ash lets go of her hand and opens the door to the cabin.

“Jo? Helen? Where are you guys?” She calls out to the two nomads. She could easily find them with her gift, but the last time she tried that, she found them having sex. After that, she decided just to ask.

“We’re in the kitchen!” Helen calls out.

When Ash enters the kitchen, she sees the two of them sitting at the island, talking to each other.

“Oh, so you guys decided this room wasn’t getting enough attention?” She quips. Helen laughs.

“We just decided to switch it up for once.”

“Alright, so. I gotta talk to you two about something.” Ash says, her voice growing a but shaky.

“Hey, what’s up, kid?” Jo asks with a worried expression on her face.

“Okay, don’t get mad. I was training my power earlier. Y’know, trying to expand my search radius. When I managed to hit 200 metres, I, uh...I got a hit.”

Jo stands up.

“You WHAT?”

“Just calm down! Everything’s alright, I dealt with it myself.” Ash tries to reassure Jo, but fails.

“You dealt with it ALONE? We told you to tell us if you found something!” Jo yells. Helen stands up and grabs her arm.

“I know! But, I wanted to deal with this on my own. I figured that if things went south, I could yell loud enough for you to hear me.” Ash jumps back at the sound of Jo’s booming voice.

“What happened, Ash? Who were they?” Helen steps in.

“Well, that’s the funny part. Hold on a second.” Ash says, quickly running to the door and bringing Alice inside.

“You guys…” She says as she pulls the shorter girl behind her into the kitchen.

“This is Alice.”

Jo and Helen are silent as they stare at Alice, who smiles brightly back at them.

“Hello. I’m Alice Cullen of the Olympic coven. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Alice greets them and curtsies with a nonexistent dress.

Jo and Helen don’t respond. Instead, they eye her over from head to toe. Helen takes notice of her features and it clicks.

“Ash, is this…” Before Helen can finish her question, Ash nods.

“It’s her. Alice is the girl from my vision. She found me.” Ash smiles wide. Helen starts to tear up.

“Oh my gosh...it’s really her? You’ve been looking for her for so long…”

“Well, she’s been looking longer.” Ash retorts.

“60 years, to be exact.” Alice says.

“60 years? Oh wow. How did this all happen?” Helen asks. The two spend some time explaining the whole situation to Jo and Helen. How they both saw each other, about Alice’s vision, and the meeting. When they’re all caught up, Jo is smiling to herself while Helen is basically full on sobbing.

“You two...this must be fate pulling the two of you closer together.” Helen says through her tears.

“Nah, this is just some freaky bloodsucker coincidence.” Jo shoots back with a quip, smirking. Helen smacks her arm.

“Jo! Stop that.” Everyone laughs.

“Well, I think we should give these two some privacy. Ain’t that right, Helen?” Jo shoots Helen a look.

“Right! We’ll let you two talk alone. I think you both probably have things you want to talk about.” Helen and Jo get up and leave the room for their own.

“Come on, it’s getting dark. I want to go sit under the stars.” Ash grabs Alice’s hand once again and brings her back outside. Together, they find a spot in perfect view of the sunset and sit down in the snow.

They spend the whole night talking to each other. About their lives before and after turning, their gifts, their families. Any topic they could think of they had a conversation about. Through the whole night, they grow closer and closer. By the time the sun comes up, they both can tell that they’re meant to be together. Whether it’s love or friendship, it doesn’t matter. They’re supposed to be together. Right here and now.

As dawn breaks, they stop talking to admire the sunrise. Alice rests her head on Ash’s shoulder and grabs her hands in her own. Together they sit, peacefully in the glow of the morning sun.

In a window from the cabin, Helen can be seen watching the two of them huddling together.

“I think those two are mates.” She says to herself. Jo lets out a loud laugh.

“Ya think? Hel, the whole time that Alice would talk, the kid couldn’t take her damn eyes off of her.” Helen giggles in response.

“Yeah, you’re right. Alice did the same exact thing.”

“So did you when we met. Every time I’d look back, you would turn your head so damn quick but those curls gave you away.” Jo laughs to herself.

“Yeah, yeah. Not like yours did you any favours.” Helen snaps back. Together, they laugh as they reminisce about their pasts.

When day fully breaks, Alice suggests that Ash come up to Alaska to meet the Cullens, since Alice already got to meet her family. After a long talk, Jo and Helen caved and agreed. They lectured her for hours before they left.

“Remember, try not to let anyone see you in the sun.”

“And don’t go using your gift all willy-nilly, alright? Save it for when it’s needed.”

“And find some food before you go! You’re going to need your energy for the trip!”

After lots of “yeah” and “I know”, they set off. A few yards from the cabin, they meet up with Edward, who stayed just far enough to hear them just in case something went bad. I think this one’s the mind reader, right? I still remember his face. Ash thinks to herself. Edward chuckles.

“Yeah, this one’s the mind reader.”

Ash gasps and instinctively throws her hands over her mouth even though it wouldn’t help at all.

“It’s alright. I hear worse on a daily basis.” Edward laughs again. “So, what did you mean that you ‘still remember my face’?”

While on the road, Ash shares her story to Edward. She describes everyone she saw in her vision while Edward and Alice tell her who they are.

“So, the blonde man and the dark brown haired woman? I assume they’re a couple.”

“Yup, that’s Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle is the one who turned most of us.” Edward says.

“They’re basically our parents. At least, they are when we’re living normal lives” Alice chimes in.

“And the beautiful blonde woman with the burly man?”

“That’s Rosalie and Emmett. They’re mates as well.” Alice explains.

“Yeah, Rosalie can be a bit harsh so don’t take anything she says to heart. Emmett’s a manly guy. He’s the strongest out of all of us by far. Might want to fight you when you meet.” Edward warns.

“That leaves...the dirty blonde man. I’m guessing that’s Jasper.”

“Yeah! He’s the one I told you about. How we met after I turned.” Alice beams when talking about Jasper.

“Right! Your partner in crime.” Ash retorts.

Suddenly, Alice stops. She stares into nothing as she has a vision. Edward quickly watches along, looking concerned, but his face softens as he sees it as well. Ash, seeing the two of them, decided to try something. She closes her eyes and focuses on Alice’s. When she gets her bearings, she sees nothing but the forest that Alice is staring at.

She focuses a little harder. Slowly, a vague outline of something starts to show. A group of people. She can’t see their faces, just their outlines. Then, the vision ends.

Alice and Edward are smiling together while Ash adjusts back to her own eyes.

“What was that, Alice? I tried to see it too, but, I just got some blurry outlines.” Ash asks.

“Wait, you saw something? From my vision?”

“I think so. I saw maybe 7 or 8 people. I think they were people…” Ash trails off, trying to remember all that she saw. Alice’s eyes widen.

“Yes! I had a vision of us! Of you meeting my family! You can see my visions!” Alice yells excitedly and she clasps her hands onto Ash’s shoulders.

“Yeah, I guess I can…” Ash trails off, thinking of how she could start training this aspect of her gift.

“Wait a second. What is your gift again?” Edward asks, confused by the conversation.

“Oh! I guess I never fully explained it. I can see through someone else’s eyes. Let’s say you were looking at Alice while I was 100 feet away staring at a tree or something. I could put your vision into my mind and see Alice from your point of view. Does that make sense?” Ash rambles.

“Yeah, I think I get it. Actually, I’d like to try something. Alice, could you walk a few feet away from us and look in our direction? Make sure you can see the both of us.” Edward requests of her. Alice looks puzzled, but obliges.

“Okay, Ash, can you look through her eyes for a second?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” Ash replies, catching on to what Edward is trying to do. She closes her eyes and pops into Alice’s. She can see herself and Edward from between some trees.

“Alright, I got it.”

“Okay good. Now let me just-” Edward cuts himself off with a gasp.

“I can see what Alice sees. From your mind. I can see us.” He says, a hint of excitement in his voice. “This could be a good strategy for hunting.”

“Yeah, it could be.” Ash says, distracted by her own gift. While what she can see may be fairly boring, her ability to feel emotions is overwhelmed by Alice. Her heart is so full of love for the two that, for the first time, Ash can’t handle feeling two people’s emotions at the same time. Quickly, she cuts the connection and returns to her own body.

“Did-did you feel any of that?” She asks Edward, feeling physically strained from this exercise.

“Feel? I can only see, I can’t ‘feel’ anything when I read someone’s mind. What did you feel?”

“My gift lets me see someone else’s eyes while also feeling their emotions. The emotional response was too much, I had to stop.” Ash says, plopping to the ground to get her bearings. Alice sprints over to the two of them.

“What happened? Are you okay?” She asks, worry flooding her voice.

“I’m alright, I’m alright. I just wasn’t expecting such strong emotions from that.” Ash leans against a tree to relax for a minute. Alice’s face washes over with an embarrassed look.

“I’m sorry. I was just...so happy that you two were getting along…” Alice trails off, covering her face with her hands. Ash laughs.

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. I’m just not trained enough to handle it yet.” Ash reassures Alice as she stands back up. “Okay, let’s get this show back on the road. I think it’s time for a meal.”

The three of them spend a day hunting for food in the woods. Edward and Ash decide to test out their new strategy by having Alice go ahead and send animals towards them while they wait to trap them. It works out well enough, but the constant use of her power drains Ash of all her energy.

“Sorry, I’m not used to using my power so much. I never really used it back with Jo and Helen.”

“You didn’t use it much? Most vampires use their powers as much as possible in the first 25 years. Then, they usually get bored of it.” Edward says.

“I just...never really had the chance to. It was just us three out there, so there wasn’t much to see really. The only time I ever really used it was when I was training.” Ash mumbles to herself.

“Surely, you must have encountered other vampires, right? You would have used it then.” Edward asks. Ash shakes her head.

“So far, you two are the only other vampires I’ve met other than Jo and Helen. You guys showing up at my cabin was the first time I ever had to try to defend us. Luckily, there didn’t have to be any fight, but…” She trails off.

“But, you still don’t know what to do in case someone malicious does show up.” Edward replies, having heard from her thoughts. Ash nods.

“Well then, we’ll have to teach you then.” Alice pipes up. “We’ve dealt with our fair share of nomads. Usually, you won’t have any problem with other vampires. Those who feed on humans may show up hoping to find some, but will leave if they realize there are none around. Others tend to think that you’re in their territory. That would be the only time you may have to fight someone.” Alice gives a lecture of the ins and outs of fighting other vampires. She lists off reasons another vampire may want to fight, different techniques, and how to thoroughly kill a vampire.

“Do you have any experience with fighting vampires?” Alice asks.

“Uh, Jo and Helen taught me some basics before the end of my time as a newborn, but, that’s about it.” Alice sighs. It’s like they never wanted her to leave the cabin…. Her eyes widen as she thinks of something.

“Wait, have you ever been around humans?”

“Oh, yeah! We have to go into town sometimes to pick things up. The first time was extremely hard on me, but Jo and Helen were there with me so it helped. After a while, I got used to it.” Alice puts her hand to her chin, wanting to ask another question but isn’t sure how to bring it up.

“Have you ever had human blood before?” Edward asks suddenly, startling Alice. After reading her mind, Edward decided it would be best to just outright ask.

“Yes. I had human blood on my first day as a newborn. I didn’t kill anyone for it. I didn’t turn anyone for it, either. Helen gave it to me in a cup. She’s close with the nearest town’s doctor and was able to convince him to give her a pint. After that, we hunted for the first time and they told me all about how animal blood won’t be as satisfying, but it does the job. Trust me, I’m not that secluded from the world. Jo and Helen know a lot and have taught me so much.”

Edward nods and takes a step back, satisfied with her answer, and gestures Alice to continue.

They spend the few days it takes to get to Alaska talking about how to defend yourself against other vampires, stopping every so often to practice together. It’s a long journey but, eventually, they arrive back at the Olympic-Denali coven household. As soon as the enter the door, they’re greeted by Esme, who comes over and brings both Edward and Alice into a big hug.

“Oh, I’m so glad you two are finally home. I’ve missed you guys.” She says, holding them tight.

“Esme, come on. We were only gone for like a week.” Edward says, embarrassed. Esme laughs.

“I know, I know. Everyone was just worried.” She says, as she loosens her grip. Then, she turns to look at Ash.

“Esme, this is Ash.” Edward introduces them. Esme shoots Alice a quick look, and Alice nods in response.

“Hi, It’s nice to meet you.” Ash says, holding out her hand. Instead, Esme pulls her into hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. You’re like a local legend around here.” Esme laughs to herself. Ash giggles back.

“Well, it’s nice to finally put the rumours to rest.”

Then, the rest of the Cullens come bounding towards the door, all ready to greet their family members after the trip. They all huddle together to say their greetings.

“Welcome home, you two.” Says Carlisle, as he wraps an arm around Esme.

“Yeah, we thought you two mighta died out there.” Says Emmett, as he punches Edward in the arm.

“Well, we’re just glad you’re safe.” Says Jasper.

Carlisle turns to their guest. “So, I think we can all guess who this is.”

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Ash. You may all know her as the infamous Red Haired Girl.” Alice says as she wraps an arm around Ash’s waist. Ash chuckles.

“Funny. In my house, you were Short Haired Girl.” She looks at Alice and smiles.

“So, Ash, this is-”

“Wait. I want to try this myself.” Ash cuts Alice off.

“Let’s see. This-” She points to Carlisle. “- is Carlisle. He’s got his arm around Esme. This-” She points again, this time at Emmett. “- is Emmett. Next to him is Rosalie. And way in the back must be Jasper.” She point once more to Jasper, who’s looking a bit disinterested. Everyone nods in response.

“Well, I see you’ve done your research.” Carlisle says.

“Well, I think Ash and I have a story to tell everyone. Could we move this into the living room?” Alice starts to usher everyone away from the front door and into the living room, where they share their story one more. They explain their visions and their meeting, and talk about what they did at the cabin. They all talk for hours. Soon, the conversation lands back on the ‘local legend’.

“I swear, she thought about you night and day. I would go weeks sometimes only hearing her thinking about finding you, or even just replaying that vision in her head over and over. It was like a broken record sometimes.” Everyone laughs along with Edward’s story as Alice holds her face in embarrassment.

“Well, Edward was the only one who actually knew what you looked like. The rest of us just had to take their words for it.” Rosalie comments. “Honestly, I sometimes thought maybe you weren’t even real.” She laughs to herself.

“Oh, Rosalie. Let’s be fair to Alice, she has been hoping to find her for 59 years.” Carlisle pipes up, placing a comforting hand on Alice’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I got the lucky side of this deal. I’ve only been hoping for 17.” Ash says, grabbing Alice’s hand and squeezing it, hoping to make her feel better.

“How did it happen, anyway?” Jasper cuts in from the other side of the room, silencing everyone.

“Jasper, you can’t just-” Edward’s about to tell Jasper off before Ash cuts it short.

“It’s fine. Do you mean ‘how did I die?’” Jasper nods.

“Well. I was in a car crash. In 1962. My parents and I were driving down country roads in the rain one night. Almost hit a deer. We swerved a little too much to avoid it and landed in a ditch. When Jo and Helen found me, my parents were already dead, but I was still hanging on. Just barely. They decided to give me a second chance.” Ash’s voice lowers as she recounts her past, still fresh in her mind.

“How old were you?” Jasper asks.

“Twenty. Just a few months shy of twenty one.”

“...Sorry.” Jasper puts his head down.

“It’s fine. I have to face it. It happened. Now, I can move on and live different lives.” Ash says, flashing a small smile at Jasper. Quickly, the conversation shifts to a different topic.

When the conversation picks back up and becomes lively once again, Ash gets an idea. She closes her eyes and connects to Jasper for only a second before opening them again. Just long enough to get a hit on his current emotions and to disguise as a blink. In that split second, she noticed a lot of different emotions, none of them positive. The only one she could identify was worry. It was the strongest out of the bunch, thus she picked up on it first.

Edward on the opposite side of the room as them notices the commotion in their thoughts and clues in.

Why does it seem like he’s been hounding me since I got here? What’s going on in that guys head?

Well that’s obvious. Edward thought to himself. He’s extremely protective of Alice.

Jasper’s thoughts, on the other hand, were a different story.

What the hell was that? What the fuck did I just feel? He shoots Ash a look. What gift does she have and why did she just use it on me?

Edward smirks to himself at this new information, and decides to stay silent.

“By the way, Ash, you said you saw a vision of Alice, right?” Jasper speaks up again. Ash turns to him and nods.

“Alice saw you because of her gift. I’m just wondering. What kind of gift do you have? It may seem strange, but, I thought I could feel it just now.” Jasper calls her out.

“Actually, my gift is the ability to see through someone else’s eyes. If you were in the other room, I could describe every inch of it without having ever set foot in it. All from your vision.” Ash replies, turning her body towards him.

“Is that what that was then, you were looking into my eyes?” Jasper accuses.

“Actually, Jasper, the reason I connected with you was to figure out what the hell you were feeling. I can pick up on your emotions as well and I’ll be honest, you’ve been giving me dirty looks all night and I just wanted to know what was going on.” Ash snaps back at him. Alice reaches her hand up and grabs Ash’s arms. A few moments pass without a word said in the room before Jasper stomps over to Ash and grabs her hand, pulling her out of the room. Alice stands up to protest but Edward stops her, reassuring that they’ll be fine.

Jasper pulls her into another room and slams the door shut. Then, he takes a second to calm himself down, which by proxy also calms Ash down.

“Listen. Alice has been looking for you since the day she turned almost 60 years ago. I’ve been with her almost since day one. I love her to death and I couldn’t imagine how she would feel after finally finding you. Forgive me for being skeptical, but, I can’t help but keep her best interest in mind.” Jasper explains to her while pacing the room.

“Jasper. I know. I know about how you and Alice were together before joining the Cullens. I know how close you are because she talked about you so much. I know how much you care about each other, so I can understand why you were worried. You have to remember. I’ve been looking for her, too. Maybe not as long, but I had those same feeling she did. The worry, the hope. Everything she felt, I did too. Not just her, but all of you. I saw all of you in my vision. Your feelings are completely justified because if I was on your side of this equation, I would be scared too.”

Jasper sighs. He walks over to Ash and grabs her hand into his.

“I know the love you two share. I know you’re not going to hurt her. From the moment you two walked in the door, I could feel the joy radiating off of the both of you. I just want Alice to be happy and safe. I know now that with you, she will be.” Jasper shows a small smile before letting go of her hands. Then, Ash puts one out for a handshake.

“Let’s start over. Hi, I’m Ash.”

Jasper chuckles and grasps the hand with his. “I’m Jasper. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

The two of them share a laugh. Ash closes her eyes and connects to Alice.

“We should get back. Alice is so worried, I think she might explode.” She says.

“Whoa.” Jasper clutches at his chest.

“Hey, you alright?” Ash asks as she cuts the tie with Alice. Jasper let’s go and stands up straight.

“I think...I think I felt what Alice was feeling. Through you.” He says. “Hey, try someone else.”

Ash obliges and connects to Esme. Her heart is also filled with worry, but it’s mixed together with the overwhelming love she has for her family.

“Whoa. Okay, that much love and worry in one place? That’s gotta be Esme.” Jasper says, taken aback by the force of her emotions.

“Yup. She’s got a lot of love packed inside of her.” Ash opens her eyes and cuts the connection. “So, uh, that’s pretty cool. Edward can see the visuals, you can feel the emotions.” Ash comments as she stares at nothing and gets lost in her own mind, thinking of ways that this information could benefit them. Jasper grins.

“This could be useful for fighting…” He trails off as does the same. They stand there in silence for a moment, lost in thought, before Jasper snaps out of it.

“Hey, we should get back out there. They’ll be worried.”

“Oh! Right.” Ash opens the door and steps out.

As they both turn the corner, Alice’s eyes lock on to the both of them, hoping to figure out what happened in there. The two of them laugh together before joining the rest of the group, and the weight lifts off of Alice’s chest as she sees them acting friendly. As Ash approaches, Alice grabs her arm.

“How did it go?” She asks quietly. Ash chuckles

“It went great. Things are fine now.” Ash smiles widely at Alice, hoping to reassure her. Alice sighs in relief and smiles back.

The hours pass as they all talk together, laughing and joking like they’ve known Ash for years. When night falls, people start to split off to do their own things, and eventually it’s down to just Carlisle and Esme together with Alice and Ash.

“So, I think it’s safe to say you two are mates, am I right?” Esme asks.

Alice and Ash share a look and nod to each other.

“Yeah, I think we are.” Alice replies.

“Then, where do you two go from here?” Carlisle cuts in, looking concerned. “It’s hard for mates to stay away from each other after they’ve found one another. Ash, you have a family in Canada, right?”

“Yes, I do.” Ash answers.

“Have you thought about what would happen in this situation?” He asks. Ash thinks for a moment.

“No, not really. At least, we didn’t talk about it…” She trails off.

“How about you, Alice?” Esme asks.

“No, I haven’t either. Because this is my family. I couldn’t ever imagine leaving you all.” Alice says with a confident look on her face, that then subsides when she realizes what’s at stake here. She looks down at Ash who is still lost in thought. “What about you?”

“I...I love Jo and Helen. They taught me everything about this new situation I’ve found myself in and raised me to become who I am right now. But...I hate myself for even saying this. I think I belong here. In the Olympic coven. When I saw you all in my vision, you felt like family to me. Then, I actually met you all, and it was like seeing an old friend for the first time in years. And, I didn’t want to let go of that. I still don’t.” Ash rants for a while, trying to make sense of her feelings as the words spill out of her mouth. After she finishes, Carlisle nods.

“I think I can speak for most of us when I say that we all felt the same way as well. I truly believe you belong here with us. But, there is no rush. It’s your choice.” Carlisle says as he stands up and grabs Esme’s hand, leading the two of them out of the room to let Ash and Alice talk.

Ash leans back in her chair and sighs loudly.

“You know, I can come live with you too.” Alice says, hoping to break some of the tension. Ash shakes her head.

“No. Alice, I’ve already made up my mind. I want to be here. I really do think I belong here with you. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell Jo and Helen.” Ash sighs again. Alice leans over and kisses her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it in the process. When Alice pulls away, she smiles.

“Just remember, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here now.”

Ash smiles widely and grabs Alice’s face, pulling her in for another kiss.

“We’ll come up with a plan.” Alice mumbles against Ash’s lips. She pulls away. “Remember, we still have a week to think about it.” Ash grins at Alice’s reassurance.

“Come on.” Alice says, standing up and grabbing Ash’s hand. “I still haven’t shown you my room.”

Ash smiles again as she’s pulled along by Alice up the stairs.

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    The week goes by quicker than Ash thought it would, and if she had any doubts about her decision to stay with the Cullens, they were gone before she could make it back to her own place.

    With a few hugs from the Cullens, Ash and Alice head out the door to return to Alberta for what may be the last time.

    Time passes, and soon enough, they arrive at the little cabin in the woods. When they get to the door, Ash stops for a second to compose herself.

    “You alright?” Alice asks, wrapping her arm around the other’s waist and pulling her close.

    “Yeah, I think so. This might be the hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have.” Ash sighs, trying to muster up the courage to open up the door. After a few deep breaths, she puts her hand on the knob and twists.

    “Guys! I’m ho-” Ash cuts herself off in surprise.

    “Ash?” Alice walks in beside her.

    On the floor next to the door are 4 suitcases, stacked up and open, revealing the contents inside. Clothes, trinkets, books, etc. All items that belong to Ash.

    “What...the fuck?” Ash thinks aloud.

    “Surprised ya, didn’t we?” Helen’s voice can be heard as she steps into the room with a smirk on her face, Jo trailing behind.

    “What is all this?” Ash asks, unable to process what she sees in front of her.

    “Sweetie, it’s your stuff. Pack and ready for the big move. Our little birdie is finally leaving the nest!” Helen turns to Jo as she says this last line and wipes away a fake tear from her eye.

    “How...did you know?”

    “Ash, it ain’t that hard to figure out. You and Alice are mates. You two would never want to be separated ever again after finding each other. And the way that you spoke about the Cullens in your vision made it all the more obvious to us. They’re your family.” Jo speaks up from the back.

    “But, what about you guys? I mean, you basically raised me from my second birth. You’re both okay with this?”

    “Well, of course we are! Ash, we love you. As they saying goes ‘If you love something, you gotta let it go.’ It’s time to let you go, sweetie. Besides, it’s not like you can’t come visit us!” Helen replies enthusiastically, with a giant grin on her face. Ash turn to Alice, a soft smile on her face.

    “Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.” She laughs. Ash walks to Helen and Jo and gives them both a big hug. “Thank you. For everything.”

    “Now, come on Ash, you’re not leaving yet! Stay for a while and we can all have a chat.” Jo waves them all into the kitchen where they sit at the island and talk for hours. When the sun starts to set, they know that time is now up.

    Ash and Alice stand at the door, carrying Ash’s suitcases. They turn back to Jo and Helen, and give them a nod, before heading off towards their future, together with the Olympic coven.