#their dynamic before they got together (don’t let them fool you they’re probably still like this)

[pocketfulofvoices]

jean “what if they don’t feel the same and i’m just imagining things” dipierto and the “silly little guy” intern

[tarydarrington]

"Alright, everyone," Veth says with authority, and everyone else quiets down. "Tomorrow is the big day."

Caleb sighs and ducks behind his drink. There is a speech coming. This is exactly the sort of ceremony he had hoped to avoid by having this get-together at his home rather than the bar Veth had suggested. It's only five of them, tonight; Beauregard and Yasha are always in town, and Veth had insisted on coming. And Essek, of course. He's not sure when the elf's presence at his side became an of course, but in a careful way, he likes it.

“As the person in this world who cares the most about Caleb--”

Essek silently quirks an eyebrow at that, and it doesn’t get past Veth.

“Alright, come on, just because you got him into bed and I didn’t doesn’t mean--”

Caleb clears his throat loudly, and Veth’s smile snaps back into place.

“As Caleb’s oldest, dearest, truest friend,” she says, and Essek manages to look dignified even while rolling his eyes, “it is my humble duty to tell you all how amazing he is on this momentous occasion.”

“You know, I am starting a new job, not getting married,” Caleb murmurs in her direction.

“And we’re all very proud of you!” Veth replies.

Caleb takes a long drink as the others chime in with agreement. Yasha shoots him a sympathetic look, and he returns a tight smile.

“Come on, man,” Beau says from where she leans against the table, “aren’t you excited, at all?”

He takes a long breath. Excited is a word for it. Ready to vomit at a moment’s notice is perhaps more accurate. The Soltryce Academy is tricky. He’s been back there a few times in recent weeks, for interviews and preparation, and each time, it’s felt like walking through a dream of a place the mind could not quite capture properly.

For whatever purpose, Trent has always wanted Caleb - Bren - to follow in his footsteps. Those footsteps feel a touch too literal in those hallways.

“Caleb?” Beau’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. “You still with us?”

He shakes his head. "Ja. Entschuldigung. There is a lot to think about."

Veth lowers her glass, frowning. "Nobody threatened you, did they? Because I'll have words with them."

"No, nothing like that." Not lately, anyway. He sets his own drink down on the table. "Just a bit worried, perhaps."

"Worried about what?" Beau asks flatly.

Caleb lets out a long breath, looking down at the floor. Where to begin? He’s worried that everything will go wrong. Worried that he’ll turn up with his clothes on backwards, or spill coffee down the front of his shirt, or trip over his words before the lesson even starts. Worried, most of all, about what comes after.

“I hope that I will not…” He searches for the right words. “I hope that I will be able to serve my students well enough,” he settles on. “The examples I have had were, ah….” Trent Ikithon is not one he wishes to emulate.

Essek frowns. “Carve your own path,” he says. “Someone as brilliant as you are needs no one to emulate.”

“Ja, well, that is fine for throwing together a spell or two, but I imagine the students will need a little more structure.” These are young minds. Any mistakes he makes will stick with them. He, of all people, knows just how much.

“Maybe you could ask them what they want from you,” Yasha pipes up. “You know, make sure you’re doing alright.”

Caleb lets out a long sigh. “Ja, maybe. That is a good idea.” Of course, it also requires that the students in question trust him enough to give him a straight answer.

They sit in relative silence for a moment, working away at their drinks. He hopes Veth doesn’t resent him for stepping on the atmosphere.

“Seriously, man, you’re gonna be great.” Beau knocks back the rest of her drink. “You’re already the best professor I’ve ever known.”

“I do not think the owl counts as a point of comparison,” Caleb deadpans. “Regardless, I will settle for not making a fool of myself for a first impression. That will be difficult enough.”

Beau shrugs, and reaches over to refill her glass. There’s a devious look in her eye that makes him nervous. "So why don't you practice?" she asks.

Caleb looks at her warily. "Practice?"

"Yeah, man." She gestures at the others. "Here's your class. Teach us something."

Before he can object, she’s already begun to pull an armchair toward the coffee table in the center of the room. Soon enough, three more seats have joined it, all on the same side. She throws her arms wide with a challenging grin.

“First day,” she says. “Don’t be late.” With that, she flops down onto the rightmost chair.

Transfixed in bemusement, Caleb watches as Yasha and Veth rush to occupy the next two seats in the makeshift classroom. The Expositor commands a room, it seems.

“Are you comfortable with this?” Essek murmurs as he brushes past as well. “I am willing to be the, ah... wet blanket, if need be.”

Caleb sighs, briefly twining their fingers together and squeezing once before letting him go. “Not comfortable, no, but it’s not a bad idea.”

Someone wolf whistles from the peanut gallery, and Caleb turns a fond glare on them all. All three of them are, of course, the picture of innocence. He shakes his head as Essek settles down primly in the last remaining chair. It’s not exactly the picture of an academic setting, with their glasses of half-finished booze still on the table in front of them and the lot of them draped over armchairs and ottomans.

“Alright,” says Beau, who has not even bothered to put her drink down. She makes a trilling sound that he thinks is probably meant to emulate a school bell. “Hit us.”

"We will be brutally honest," Veth promises. "Which means we will tell you honestly how perfect you are."

"Or if there's anything you could do better," Yasha adds.

Caleb stares back at them. It’s nothing he hasn’t gone over in his own head a hundred times. Even once or twice, to a captive audience of cats. It’s a short class. It will be over before he knows it.

The others look up at him expectantly. Watching him. Waiting. Caleb clears his throat.

"I, ah... feel a bit silly,” he admits.

Without a word, Essek waves a hand, and the familiar faces before him shift to those of strangers.

It’s almost embarrassing how much it helps. Caleb takes a deep breath and lets it out, running through the lesson plan in his head.

"Guten Morgen, class, I am, ah… Professor Widogast." It's the first time he's said that particular pair of words out loud.

"Whoo!" the student who is not Veth shouts.

"Yeah!" the student who is not Beau chimes in.

Caleb gives them a look and straightens his coat. "This is Introductory Transmutation, in room 142, so if you are all in the correct place--"

"Professor?" The student who is not Yasha raises her hand.

"Ah, ja, Miss…"

"Lionett."

Not-Beau slaps a hand over her own mouth and mutters, “Holy shit,” into it.

“Was that too much?” not-Yasha whispers.

“Babe, it was so hot,” not-Beau hisses back.

Caleb clears his throat. "Miss Lionett, do you have a question?"

Not-Yasha seems to suddenly remember her role, and she folds her hands in her lap. "No," she says, "I have to use the bathroom."

Caleb pinches the bridge of his nose as not-Beau bites back a giggle. “Ja, okay, go.”

“Don’t let her go!” not-Veth interjects. “She knew it was almost time for class; she should have gone earlier.”

“Dude, if she has to pee then she has to pee,” not-Beau protests.

Pointedly, not-Essek raises his hand.

Caleb lets himself sigh with relief. “Ja, Master…?”

“Gross, Professor, we don’t need to know about your weird sex dynamics,” not-Beau says.

Not-Essek’s face blooms red, and Caleb presses a hand to his face to hide the same. “You know very well, Beauregard, that it is an honorific.”

Not-Beau shrugs, looking very pleased with herself as she takes another sip of her drink. Not-Essek glares very polite daggers at her before clearing his throat.

“Thelyss,” he answers.

Beau cups both hands around her mouth and boos.

“No, it’s better that he’s honest,” Veth says. “We already know he’s a terrible actor.”

“Herr Thelyss,” Caleb says, raising his voice above the heckling. “Do you have a question?”

Essek leans forward, resting his elbows on the table in a gesture that’s much too endearing. “I wondered what you will be teaching us today, Professor Widogast.”

Caleb tries not to dwell on the way the title hits differently on Essek’s voice, instead straightening up and waving one hand behind him. An illusory chalkboard appears in the air behind him to polite applause from Veth and Yasha. Back on track.

“Well, this is your first day,” he says. “So I know that - Beauregard, please remove your feet from the table - I know that most of your other teachers will be spending time going over the material that you will be covering this semester, but, ah…” What is he meant to be doing with his hands? They feel limp if they’re at his sides, but too formal behind his back and too awkward in front of him. Perhaps he should have a lectern? Somewhere to rest them, or shuffle with papers?

His gaze drifts back to his “students,” who all blink back at him expectantly. Essek inclines his head as though to prompt him on. He clasps his hands in front of his chest, hoping it will do for now.

“Right,” he continues. “Ja, so I thought we would take a look at something more practical to start. We will leave the reading for tomorrow; you have enough of that today.”

He waves his hands again, and behind him, a set of runes and diagrams appears on the chalkboard. Above it is written the word Prestidigitation.

“So, ah, partner up,” he orders. “Introduce yourselves. If there is someone on their own, a group of three is perfectly acceptable.”

“I call Miss Lionett,” Beau shouts, grabbing Yasha’s hand.

“Can I go to the bathroom, first?” Yasha asks.

Caleb gives her an incredulous look.

“I really do need to go,” she says.

He gestures towards the hallway, and she shuffles off. In the meantime, Veth and Essek scoot their chairs closer together. Caleb’s gaze lingers questioningly on Beau, who shakes her head.

“She’s not learning anything tonight, man. Go ahead.”

“Ja, okay,” he says distantly.

It feels silly, explaining the spell to this motley crew. Beau has leaned back in her chair, arms crossed, eyes glassy, clearly not paying an ounce of attention. Essek has produced a piece of paper upon which Veth occasionally scribbles, though the way he periodically nods approval at Caleb’s points betrays his own prior knowledge of the subject. After a few minutes, Yasha returns and attempts to take down notes of her own.

“Is everyone following along?” he asks after a while, knowing it’s a futile question.

“Yep,” Beau lies.

“Hmm.” Yasha hums.

“Perfectly,” Essek says.

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie,” Veth confirms with a wink.

He continues, running them through the various applications one by one. Beau gives him an occasional “uh huh” that he believes not one bit. At one point, he catches Essek take a passing glance at Veth’s paper, widen his eyes, and lean forward to murmur something to her. He isn’t sure he wants to know what that’s about.

“Let’s keep focused, please, everyone,” he reminds them.

Essek waves a hand to signal him to continue. Nothing too scandalous, then. He goes through the final few points, then comes to stop in front of the chalkboard, hands awkwardly clasped again.

“Okay, that is it,” he says. “You have as much time as you require to finish the spell, and when you are finished, I would like one person from each group to demonstrate.”

He gives the others a questioning look. It’s one of the points he’s most worried about. A way to take pressure off some of the slower students could just as easily be a way to unintentionally foster competition and resentment. But none of them objects, so he gives them another nod.

“I suppose we should skip the demonstration portion,” he mumbles.

“I can do it,” Yasha chirps. Without warning, she swings the massive greatsword from her back and sinks the tip into the table, making the others jump. “I made a small mark.”

Caleb covers his eyes with one hand. “Ja, will it go away in one hour?”

Yasha silently places her drink down over the indentation. Caleb sighs. It isn’t as though he has very many guests, anyway.

“I can probably swing producing an odor, for you,” Beau offers. “But I figure you probably don’t want that.”

He ignores her, and instead gives Essek a tight smile.

“Well, would my second group care to demonstrate?”

Beau jerks a thumb in Essek’s direction and fake-coughs to Yasha, “Teacher’s pet.”

Essek ignores her and sits back, fingers working in those little patterns he draws when something has piqued his curiosity. “I believe so,” he says, and nods to Veth.

Caleb raises his eyebrows as all eyes turn to Veth. Though Essek had the courtesy to leave her a halfling, her features and coloring are entirely different - but that wide smile as she stands and rubs both hands together would give her away, no matter the face it was set in. And as Beau swears under her breath, Yasha and Caleb look on wide-eyed, and Essek watches with a smirk, she pulls her hands apart to let loose a shower of sparks.

“You… learned the spell,” Caleb says numbly. He hadn’t imagined any of them were actually paying attention.

“It was an excellent lesson!” Veth replies.

As she takes her seat again, Beau and Yasha give her a smattering of stunned applause. Essek clears his throat pointedly.

“And I guess, maybe, Essek gave me one pointer,” Veth amends with an eye-roll.

“Hey, so your partner system worked,” Yasha points out.

It had. The lesson had worked, the procedure had worked - his teaching had worked. There’s still a little voice in his head reminding him that Veth is brilliant, and an adult, and perfectly capable of learning things like this without even so much as his help - but he can’t deny that it’s his guidance that taught her this particular spell. ‘An excellent lesson,’ Veth had said. In this moment, he’s inclined to believe it might be half true. Caleb realizes very suddenly that he’s beaming.

With a snap of his fingers, Essek dispels the disguises. The soft smile on his face - his real face, and Caleb always misses it dearly when it’s hidden - says he hasn’t failed to notice Caleb’s relief.

“Danke, all of you,” he says sheepishly, waving a hand to vanish the chalkboard.

“Thank you!” Veth says. “For the shiny new spell and for the masterclass in professoring.”

“You were really good,” Yasha agrees. “I’m, uh... I’m sorry about the table.”

He dips his head to hide the way his face is flushing. They exaggerate, the lot of them. But there is something to be said for having friends who will say such things. “Ja, well,” he says, “I am not convinced it will translate to an actual class, but I will hope.”

Beau takes another swig of her drink, wiping her mouth afterwards. “Dude, we were the worst and you still managed to teach somebody something,” she says. “Those kids have nothing on us. You got this.”

He offers her a smile, retrieving his glass from the table as Yasha, Veth, and Essek do the same. He hopes it’s true. He hopes that, separate entirely from his ability to teach them the how of magic, he will be able to keep them safe. That he will be able to keep from passing on any damage he received in his own time in those halls.

He catches Essek’s eye, and the knowing look there puts some of the anxious buzzing to rest. He will be better. He will struggle, most likely. He will stumble, inevitably. But he will give better than he got. He’s been practicing that part for years.

“To Professor Widogast!” Veth shouts, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Professor Widogast,” the others echo, and Caleb smiles.

“To my very good friends,” he replies.

“To the hottest professor the Soltryce Academy has ever seen,” Veth shouts in response, and Caleb nearly chokes on his drink when Essek casually clinks his glass against hers with a nod.

They drink together. Caleb thinks, just a little bit, he might be excited.

-

thanks @peregrintook for reading this over and telling me it wasn't the worst thing i had ever written (in much more generous words than that), and @saturdaysky for catching me red-handed last time i deleted it and being so kind about it 💜

[pastelpaperplanes]

Big Ol Ask Post Pt. 3 I think

I haven’t drawn anything other than cursed or plain technical stuff w him 😔😔 have these for now but expect more soon!

anon a way back asked what he’d look like next to Overlord being already so big compared to Megs, that’s why you see Lordie if you’re wondering why he’s thrown in that line up!

by the way I have a voice claim for the big purple simp— Jenner from NIMH, he’s so awful but that suave baritone oh it fits too well >:] it’s the ‘humble servant’ line that got to me

Yep! Pharma is absolutely in this AU—as well as the CFau and Crack one too—and in all, he’s still an estranged medic long since booted from any legal work back on Cybertron.

He lost his credibility and more all those years ago when he found himself willing to do his fair share of cutting corners and hastily concealed malpractice to expedite his dream of getting his name down in the medical books—ultimately impressing his dear Mentor Ratchet, finally, in perfecting long-since banned risky experiments and surgeries—not to mention cruel and unusual temperament with the (supposedly) taboo practice of non-medicinal mnemosurgery.

His ambitions and aggression always got the bet of him, this hasn’t changed since he found himself working in freelance outposts. Light years away from Cybertron, he’s made a name for himself as a Good Doctor—but to his under-the-table black market part-dealing clients, he’s just about as bad as a Crooked Medic can get.

Bounty hunters and Arms Dealers like him for his business, a certain DJD member likes him for the occasional berth company and seemingly never ending supply of fresh T-Cogs—but no one actually likes him for his nasty temperamental personality, save for a young and naive Ratchet once upon a time.

Pharma is a roamer, as of recent he’s been a hard to reach mech—seems as if he’s found a little project to keep himself pretty occupied in the last few decades—something about a breakthrough for aiding the Decepticon Energon Crisis :] him and a small, horrifyingly cheerful surgeon are well on their way to completing their first trial batches, it’s safe to say that their little synthetic mixture will have it’s users sated and compliant.

they’ve got that amazing ‘new car smell’ those first few weeks, and instead of chittering like an Insecticons or vibrating their wings like a seeker—they beep and squeak, sometimes even honk a horn depending on the baseline altmode coding, to get their Creators’ attention before their vocalizer truly starts to kick online

It’s cute, but loud

Much like a seeker sparkling, they have to reach a certain ‘age’ (upgrade) to be able to transform completely, in between then they’re still able to rev those engines as a warning should they need it, as well as spin their wheels should they need a getaway HEELIES IF THEYRE LUCKY WOOHOOOOO—for seekers they can hover on their thrusters!

Crusade is actually pretty formal with Megatron. But yeah as a kid, Megs was always known as Carrier, but as Sadie got older and more aware of their surroundings—they definitely came to learn the true weight of that title and the fact that they were the progeny of the faction leader, a fact they should have really held onto with more pride. Not wanting to draw more attention to the already blatant favoritism (and nepotism) Crusade made a switch to addressing Megatron as Sir, My Lord, Lord Megatron, —ect. to better fit in with their fellow troops.

It bothers Megatron more than than he lets on. Crusade shouldn’t have to hide their high ranking as his child, the heir to the faction. Megs is their Carrier and can only order them around for so long, as their Leader however—pulling rank may just allow for their infuriatingly stubborn sparkling to listen to them should a day come where even a Carrier’s plea is dismissed.

Crusade does slip up every now and then and a ‘Carrier’ will slip—often hushed and annoyed though as Megs does like to tease every now and then, gotta remind them that they’re still his baby every once in a while :’)

Optimus however—whenever him and Crusade should truly reunite, will never be called Sire by Crusade, which they so heatedly established early on—Crusade never needed one and they don’t need one now, better to not let the title trigger those long-suppressed emotions. Sure enough though Optimus will get his moment.

actually no lmfao so you’re good! Eh, I haven’t mentioned much plot w them outside of them and Megs, plus bits of potential interactions with Optimus—so the rest of Team Prime is free game :D

For what I (hopefully will have) planned, their interactions with team Prime will be eh,,,interesting to each their own to say the least. Some more stressful than others BUT let’s not get into that until I’ve worked it out—for now I’ll just mention what they’re dynamics would be like when the drama of Oh Shit Boss Bot You’ve Been Hiding a Kid For HOW LONG has died down.

A usually touch-wary Crusade actually is the one to initiate a hug with Bulkhead, he’s the biggest and warmest and somehow is always happy to see them. Plus he tells cool recaps of Earth films and gifts them strange blobish paintings every now and then, all of which Crusade doesn’t exactly understand, but at least the colors are pretty.

Bee is annoying,,,which is what Crusade would say if confronted if they actually liked all the shenanigans Bee suggest they pull together, prank wars to the max, sparring for fun, video games?, DOUGHNUTS and RACES in the fortress halls??? Ahem. they are a super serious soldier, not a hooligan. But honestly, Bee is the one they seek out the most should they need an adventure, they missed out on a lot of this ‘fun’ growing up on the Nemesis—Bee seems to know how to balance a day of soldiering and dumbassery. sometimes.

Ratchet reminds them a bit too much of their Carrier than they’d care to admit. The medic is an old soul to his very core, perpetually tired but quick to snap into work mode, and sweet if you reallllllly squint. Sadie has been taught from day one to always respect medics, Ratchet obviously takes the cake on I’ve Seen Some Shit and for that alone Crusade both fears and admires Ratchet. Again, growing up on the Nemesis they didn’t have too many bots willing to talk much with them—but Ratchet (after he’s gone through his own lot of therapy, him AND Arcee. good lord) has a never ending pile of stories to share with them. Ratchet may throw in a few more colorful curses than necessary—which is SURPRISING bc Crusade thought they’d heard them all back home, but he’s entertaining and tells Crusade how it is, no sugarcoating. For that Crusade is grateful, there’s been too many half-truths thrown about to them in their recent years :’)

Ghost Prowl freaks them out—why does he deliberately have to be so sneaky?? Crusade has only met Prowl a fleeting handful of times (visits from the Allspark come with meaning, you know) and each time Crusade has been given nothing but odd riddles and poetic nonsense. Kidding. Prowl does like his wordplay’s but his given advice is always well meaning—the most firm and direct message Crusade has been passed though was probably most definitely “ Get those two cowards for mecha you call your Creator’s to stop fooling around with each other and SPEAK—at this rate it’s physically paining me that they haven’t begun Ritus and they’re not getting any younger”

Team Prime adores Sadie, they ask Megatron to see their sparkling photos every chance they catch him. And Crusade. hates it.

:) have

We’ve been here before, haven’t we?

[earnestly-endlessly]

kind of an odd request — do you have fics where erik is grumpy with everyone else but a ray of sunshine with charles?

Hi anon, thank you for the ask. First and foremost, I'm so sorry for how long this took me but I've been searching for all the fics that come to mind that fit your request. Second, this is not an odd request because I love this trope so much. I mean, it's basically canon that he's grumpy with everyone except for his Charles, right? Anyway, I might add to this list later on, but I can't sit on this any longer and hope that you have found some fics that you enjoy!!

Fic Recs Where Erik is grumpy with everyone but a ray of sunshine with Charles

Twice as Blind – Darksknight

Summary: Erik is probably the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, and because of this, he'll probably die alone. Charles is a complete flirt and playboy and, probably, will never commit to anyone ever.

(The lesson here is that when you have two friends who are BOTH secretly seeing someone, well, it's probable that they're seeing each other.)

In the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush

Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.

The Proper Care of Actors – Clear_Liqueur, Clocks, Etherei, afrocurl

Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

Rumor Mill – ikeracity

Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.

So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

Work/Life Balance – pocky_slash

Summary: Alex is pretty sure his weird, anti-social boss is a robot. Right up until the guy's adorable husband shows up. His adorable husband who happens to be a famous actor. His adorable husband who happens to be the very same famous actor who was the source of many of Alex's teenage fantasies.

Terrifying Domesticity – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is the most dangerous and notorious mafia boss around for miles, and yet the strangest things terrify him.

For example: his children, and his very pregnant mate.

Of kittens and teacups and love – Ren

Summary: Modern AU in which Charles and Erik are flatmates. Charles studies psychology and likes tea and chess and keeps bringing home stray kittens, and Erik lets him because he's maybe perhaps a little bit sort of in love with him.

Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme

Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.

Growing Pains – ikeracity

Summary: Twelve-year-old Erik Lehnsherr is an angry, closed-off foster kid with trust issues and a bad temper. Ten-year-old Charles Xavier is a lonely kid in boarding school who just wants a friend.

Logan pretends he doesn't think they're both fucking adorable.

Series

Home Together (The Finding Our Way Remix) – significantowl

Summary: Erik is not the sort of person other students strike up conversations with. His expression, his posture, every part of his manner say: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. But none of that stops the boy ahead of him in line with the collapsible white cane, and nothing can stop Erik from falling for him, like it or not.

Melted Ice Cream and Macaroni Art – pocky_slash

Summary: Everybody likes Charles. Nobody likes Erik. And that's really the source of Erik's doubts. Also, there's ice cream and a baby. Part of ‘the Daycare’ verse.

Walling in or Walling Out – stlkrchck

Summary: Erik stifles a sigh. Of course this is Mr. C. F. Xavier. Of course.

For the prompt: Charles and Raven are throwing a holiday party. Erik is the grumpy neighbor who is annoyed by how loud they are being. So he goes to complain, and Charles makes it up to him.

(Wise Men Say) Only Fools Rush In – wildelybroken

Summary: After reading a fic where Erik and Charles are super sluts, meet at what is presumably Raven and Emma's engagement party, and end up sleeping together, I made the following comment and just inspired myself.

"They start casually texting each other throughout the day, maybe while they’re bored or frustrated at work, and start out meeting up and sleeping together semi-frequently. And eventually they accidentally start dating without noticing it at first, not until Raven and Emma get them alone and are like “wtf you two super sluts are actually dating??” And at first they deny, but then they’re both like “holy shit, we are!” And they meet back at one of their places and they don’t have to say anything, they just look at each other and come together immediately, kissing passionately and ~making love~. In the middle of it they realise that’s what they’ve been doing for a long time now and they confess their love to each other and they live happily ever after because they deserve all the good in the world."

For Charles – Shigai

Summary: Tired of being told he has to find his 'heart', classical piano graduate Erik Lehnsherr decides to travel to Italy and drink from the famous Italian passion for music. While searching for it, he meets Charles Xavier, a graduate in Fine Arts who is basically travelling around the world perfectioning his technique, and who will turn his world upside down.

Together they will discover that, sometimes, what you thought you didn't need is what you needed the most.

Erik Hates People – Anonymous

Summary: Erik hates people- it's his rule, a way of living.

Sugar – humanitys_cutest

Summary: Erik glances at the clock for what feels like the tenth time in less than half the minutes. It feels like he's been in some meeting or other since the day started almost 10 hours ago, and he's had just about enough of listening to these pompous old men discuss what would be the best design for his building like they know anything about it. He tries as subtly as possible to massage his temples to assuage the building migraine, but he knows it's no use.

He just wants to go home.

Everyone Likes Charles – Rosawyn

Summary: '“Everyone who's met him likes him.” Cain's grin was even stupider than before. “Once you meet him, you'll see.”

It was almost like a challenge then. And damn. Erik hated saying no to a challenge.'

Still Going Strong – JackyJango

Summary: Speaking of forty-eight, Erik hates it. Hates it even more that others are aware of it. While he’s pragmatic enough to know and accept that aging is inexorable, the increase in number gives the people around him the freedom to pounce at him with questions, opinions and advice he'd fought to keep at bay all year.

Besides, Erik believes that youth is a state of mind, not a phase in one’s life.

You have a child’s mind in a man’s body, Charles constantly tells him.

But despite his age, Erik is healthy. He works out daily. His muscles are steel and he can dead-lift four hundred pounds. He can break bones without breaking a sweat. Most importantly, he can still carry Charles to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. And as long as Erik can do that, he’s perfectly happy.

All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed – hllfire

Summary: Charles meets Erik, the man he had heard about many times from his sister and some friends, on a rainy Sunday morning. The stories about Erik paint him as a distant and intimidating man, but Charles finds out that maybe the stories had been wrong.

How to Successfully Ruin Your Life – humanveil

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier accepts a job at his local café, expecting nothing more than a fun, new pastime. What he gets is a mysterious customer and a schoolboy crush.

Stolen – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.

So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.

Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – magneto, pangea

Summary:Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.

Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

[dogbearinggifts]

What are your thoughts on tua S2? Did you feel like the characters grew? What did you like? What did you not? I’m interested in your perspective. Your analysis are super thoughtful and interesting!

Aw, thanks, Anon!

Overall, I really enjoyed S2 and thought it was a solid follow-up to S1. I do have my quibbles about it, so I think (for ease of reference and because my thoughts are a little scattered today) I’ll list some of my personal highlights (in no particular order) before getting into what I didn’t like as much.

Big spoilers ahead.

Allison. I thought they handled her storyline especially well. Of all the siblings, I think she had the most difficult obstacles placed in her way (not only is she a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas, but she’s a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas who can’t even speak in her own defense for a year) and they sugarcoated exactly none of it. The writers pulled no punches when showing what civil rights protesters went through, which just made their nonviolent response all the more breathtaking. Allison’s fear and anger during those scenes were palpable even as she kept them hidden. But along with that horror, we see the kindness and warmth of the Dallas Black community, the women who take her in simply because she needs their help, and her love for Ray, perhaps heretofore THE most thoughtful husband ever portrayed on screen. I loved him, and I loved him and Allison together. While I understand and respect his choice to stay in 1963, I wish they’d gotten more time together. They both deserved it.

Vanya. We got to see how much the baggage from her past affected her by glimpsing what she might be like if it were taken away. It’s an interesting philosophical question, and it was explored well, in my opinion. She finds it easier to love and be loved, and she stands up for herself more readily—but she also doesn’t hesitate to use powers she can’t quite control and threatens Five without fully realizing how dire her threat is (or how it might dredge up traumatic memories she doesn’t know exist). The moment where Ben finds her curled up, fully convinced she’s a monster, was heartbreaking. I loved watching her find happiness with Sissy, even if that was fleeting (and dear god, Sissy deserved her happy ending with Vanya, dammit, I don’t care if it would fuck up the timeline). Her patience and sweetness with Harlan were just beautiful. And the way she used the confidence she gained during her amnesia to fully come into her own not to exact revenge on her siblings, but to save them, was fucking phenomenal.

The humor. There was a lot more humor this season, and it was awesome. So many iconic scenes—Olga Foroga, Luther babysitting two homicidal Fives, Elliot awkwardly lecturing his guests on the history of Jello, “NEW TIMELINE NEW ME,” “Your vagina needs glasses,” AJ the fish gobbling up the cigarette bubbles, Five getting to say “fuck”….this season was a lot funnier than the previous one, and I think that was one of its strengths.

Klaus’ cult. It was played for laughs, which I both expected and thought was the best way to handle it. He didn’t want to start a new religion with himself at the center; he just wanted to not get thrown out of any more diners, but Destiny’s Children had other ideas. The “I too am a fraud!” scene was hilarious and tickled the question of whether or not a religion founded on false pretenses can still help those within it find meaning.

Luther. Getting him away from his dad, his siblings, and the Academy was exactly what he needed to become the pure of heart and dumb of ass genius we always knew he was, but his first major step in that direction was heartbreaking. We all knew he’d be rejected once he got to the Academy. We all knew Reginald would rip his heart out and stomp on it in his admittedly fashionable shoes. It gets Luther out on his own and forces him to become his own person apart from his dad, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. He got the positive character development he needed, but the catalyst was tragic.

Diego. We see, for the first time, exactly how Reginald kept him in line—not with meds or with PTSD-inducing torture, but with words. Even when he knows Diego as little more than a stranger, Reginald is able to rip off his skin and fling it in his face with a single diatribe; and even at 30, with years away from his dad, Diego is left unable to speak, feeling as if all of his accomplishments up to that point were the work of a dumb kid who thought he was smarter and more capable than he actually was.

Luther and Diego sharing a braincell. Luther has bad ideas. Diego has bad ideas. When they put their bad ideas together, they get terrible ideas. I loved watching them work together as a team, rather than being at each others’ throats for most of the season, even if I’m left hoping Olga Foroga had a pleasant and quiet day after that phone call.

Reginald. At first glance, it may look like the writers were trying to make him likable so they could parade him around as your average abusive-parent-with-a-soft-side. But it’s more nuanced than that. Abusive parents (and abusers in general) often fly under the radar because they fool outsiders into thinking they’re good people. They’re active in their communities. They give to charity. They have friends who attest to their virtue, significant others who think they’re the greatest. And that’s what we see with Reginald. We see him as the rest of the world did: an intelligent, eccentric man with a sharp sense of humor who cared deeply about scientific advancement. That’s how he evaded suspicion—because there were stories from years past of lively parties at his mansion, of what a gentleman he was to Grace and of how he did everything he could to save little Pogo. But those stories would all have come from people he considered his equals. When he’s with people he considers his inferiors—aka, the Umbrella kids—he’s openly condescending and demeaning. We get to see how he fooled the world, and it is chilling.

Elliot. He deserved better, and you can ship him with any one of the Hargreeves kids and get the cutest thing ever. 

The Swedes. They said so much while speaking very little.

Ben. He got more personality and screen time, and it was glorious. His love of his family and resentment toward Klaus practically leapt off the screen. The way he says “I’ve missed you all…so much” once they’ve all left was one of those right-in-the-feels moments; and watching him get so much of what he’s wanted for years when he possesses Klaus was beautiful.

Now, as for things I took issue with….

Ben. I understand why they ended his arc the way they did. I get that they were probably afraid the Klaus/Ben dynamic would grow stale if they didn’t change it somehow and wanted to give him a larger role in S3. His death(???) was heartbreaking and extremely well-done. But it also wasn’t foreshadowed. We never got any sense of what ghosts in the TUA ‘verse are, so the fact they can be destroyed by a ton of sound-turned-energy or by going too far into someone’s psyche or whatever happened….it’s not that it doesn’t make sense so much as there’s not enough evidence to determine whether or not it makes sense. It feels like the writers just kinda made that up so they’d have a reason to change Ben’s relationship dynamics, but if that’s the case, couldn’t they have done it another way? Couldn’t they have made it so the immense energy or psychic woo-woo or whatever gave him a power-up instead of destroying him? Vanya transferred some of her energy into Harlan and brought him back to life. Couldn’t something similar have happened with Ben? And if it tied him to Vanya as well as to Klaus, great! More fodder for angst and humor! (”Vannyyyyyyyy, stop hogging Ben!” “You got him for 17 years, Klaus, you can part with him for 20 minutes.” “Guys, don’t I get a say in this?”) I’m glad they didn’t write him out of the series entirely, but I still wish they’d kept him and all the character development he’d gotten throughout S2.

Episode 10. It looks like they tried to cram half a season’s worth of developments into 45 minutes. Twenty minutes in, I’d already said “Wait what the fuck” half a dozen times. A lot of those moments were explained later on, and I was able to make enough inferences to fill in any lingering plot holes, but…still. Too much stuff, too little time. E9 was a perfectly satisfying ending to the season. Yes, it leaves the siblings stranded in 1963, but they could’ve tied up those loose ends in the S3 premiere.

Lila. She’s an incredibly fun character, but her arc is kind of a mess. Most of that is due to E10, and I do feel that more time to let her arc breathe would’ve worked wonders, but I’m left feeling like her turn from “Handler is the best mom ever and I lurve Diego too” to “KILL DIEGO AND HIS EVIL FAMILY” to “Handler is a bad mom and Diego is right” happened too quickly.

The Commission. Okay, so, the Handler announces the entire Board has been killed, and she’s stepping in as director even though everyone appears to know she’s been demoted (and demoted pretty severely—she went from having an office bigger than some apartments to being a case management drone). There’s suspicion and lots of it. But then, La Resistance is….ten or so people in a single room? And when she calls the temps agents to her side, thousands of them show up ready and willing to fight and die? I dunno. Just seems like there should’ve been more splintering going on there. Again, I think they needed more time to tie everything up.

Aside from those complaints, I loved the season. I set aside most of a day to binge it, and I do not regret that decision at all.

[justhaletwinsthings]

forever bitter that we never got to explore those sweet, sweet cullen family dynamics because smeyer was too busy contriving love triangle based relationship drama

like, consider:

silent civil wars between alice and edward over who has to tell carsilse that if they go into school today someone's probably gonna get fuckin eaten 

also that emmett is planning on bringing a pet bear home from their next hunt and neither of them wants to be the one to have to deal with that

emmett bringing esme flowers whenever he can because he knows she likes them and also the bright colours and soft scents really remind him of her (also of his human mother but he keeps that part to himself)

the kids visiting dr. cullen at work which is sweet in principle but also terrible bc it's usually less 'hi dad, how are you? lovely to see you :)' and more 'if you don't make jasper stop what he's doing right fucking now i'm going to bury him in the front yard'. the rest of the hospital staff take bets on who will show up next and pissed off about what. it honestly does more to humanise them than any weird ass overly perfect family appearances ever could.

rosalie looking edward dead in the eye and mentally insulting him for, like, three straight hours whenever they're out in public together just watching him get more and more pissed off bc he can't even SAY anything to her without looking like a goddamn lunatic so he just,, has to fuckin deal with it

also if he snaps and talks back emmett owes her like $500 and like HELL is he giving her the satisfaction of making money off him

esme showing up to pta meetings and community bake sales like the goddamn pillar of the community she is and being told how nice and well mannered her kids are and just like. flashing back to rose putting edward through a wall bc he made a snide comment about her sex life and staring off into the middle distance like some kind of ex-prisoner of war

also i'm sorry, but look me in the eyes and tell me that jasper and emmett don't bully the shit out of edward and i'll call you a goddman liar.

it isn't like. malicious or anything. he just,, makes it so easy. he's all broody and dramatic and honestly it would be a crime NOT to mock that. emmett follows him around quoting emo poetry and draping himself dramatically over furniture and edward is Not Having It. it usually ends in some kind of fist fight in the woods at the back of the house. edward is a vicious little bastard with absolutely no qualms about going for the throat. emmett picks him up and swings him around like a fuckin baseball bat.   somehow jasper still wins.

alice and emmett go on a lot of road trips together by virtue of being the Fun Ones(TM). they have a tendency of just up and leaving at random in the dead of night and then sending the fam a text a week later like 'wrestling gators down in florida. having fun. be back soon xoxox'.

sometimes they go to vegas just to see how much alice can make in a night before they get kicked out. a lot, as it turns out. the day they get blacklisted is a tragic one all around

jasper and rosalie, on the other hand, bond by going out into the middle of nowhere and letting out their repressed rage by beating the shit out of each other

it's two very different approaches

beating the shit out of each other is actually a tried and true cullen family tradition. brother won't stop sharing the private details of your personal life? find out who’s in the right by beating the shit out of each other. sister keeps telling everyone they should just fucking murder your girlfriend? prove that she’s wrong by beating the shit out of each other. it's a tried and true method of conflict resolution.

most of the fam will let an issue go for the most part after the Requisite Beating has been doled out. especially since most of their arguments are actually pretty petty edward and rosalie, on the other hand, hold grudges. it’s a long standing issue and also why the two of them and have the most antagonistic relationship in the family. pretty much everyone else but carlisle Stays The Fuck Out Of It.

alice steals edward’s room in literally every house they’ve lived in since the first. at first it was just a joke but then he started trying to throw her off by constantly changing his mind about which room he wanted and now it’s Personal. he fools her once. it never happens again.

there’s a bit of a weird hierarchy in the family, because like, jasper is the Oldest Child but edward is the First Son and it was kind of hard for them to figure out where they stood with each other at first. edward seems to get his way most of the time bc he’s definitely carlisle and esme’s favourite but that’s partly bc jasper usually doesn’t care enough to interfere. but when he does you can bet your ass things are gonna go his way bc he could snap edward like a fucking twig.

also what jasper wants is usually what alice wants and if there’s anyone capable of pulling a fast one over on edward it’s her. basically my point is that jasper is the Alpha Brother(TM)

meanwhile emmett’s just happy to be here

rosalie and esme actually have quite a good relationship, even if it’s a quiet sort of thing. the time they spend together is mostly marked by companionable silence while esme knits or cleans and rosalie reads but they both consider it time well spent. there’s a lot of unspoken affection there. like rosalie doesn’t need a second mother, especially not one barely any older than her, and she’s always been bad at connecting with other women... but if she has to have one she’s glad it’s esme

[jerepars]

Back again lol. Even though the writing just hasn’t been the best this season, I’m not really that mad about the way they’ve portrayed Jeresa. Just looking at this logically, I feel that they gave us 5x02 as our Jeresa episode early on and there really was a lot of sweet moments. Now, inevitably we had to have angst in between. But it’s been constantly cemented that James is in love with Teresa, and strongly implied that she loves him too. They can’t just build that up and leave it unresolved. Plus, with TV shows in general, a couple being together early on in the series just leaves it open for unnecessary conflict and the ship just loses its intrigue. If they give us the Jeresa ending we’re hoping for then it makes sense to have not got them together any episode earlier than the final 2. And despite everything, I think the writers have been a hell of a lot better than others in keeping their ship alive and not causing a irredeemable issue between them. I probably shouldn’t defend them before seeing the next two episodes, but I am hopeful. All that being said, there most definitely should have been more scenes and dialogue between them. We should’ve had a Tony moment between them (I’m so mad about this, especially since the writers acted like it was such a pivotal part of the season and then only showed Pote’s ‘grief’). I’m very sorry for rambling, just wanted to hear your take.

Oh, yes hello, back again, I see. Your ask made me sigh because I think it opens me up to be honest and critical of this season’s writing, and that kind of opinion may not always be favored around here, and also because it requires a response of essay length. But I’ll do it for you, anon, I will. Okay. So you want my take on the portrayal of Jeresa in season 5. Here we go. After the jump:

Let me preempt this by saying the show isn’t too serious (try and tell me this is still a serious show after the kerfuffle that season 5 has been), so you shouldn’t take this too seriously either. I have an opinion but I’m just…me. I encourage everyone to stick to their guns about what they feel about QOTS; what you like about it, what you love about it, what gets you excited, what you think has been done well, what is worthy of praise, etc. etc. etc. I go in pretty hard on the show in the next several (LOL, yes, really) paragraphs. But I am in no way the ultimate authority on all things QOTS.

I don’t think Jeresa would have unnecessary conflict and I don’t think the good ship Jeresa would lose its intrigue. In lieu of conflict, we’ve gotten…*crickets* nothing. No conversations of real value, no meaningful exchange of ideas, no arguments, nothing. If anything, the conflict between Teresa and James that is necessary had been absent. In seasons 1-3, there were always disagreements between Teresa and James. There was never a point reached where it created too much conflict, or unnecessary conflict. It created tension, which is like the very essence of Jeresa, and it showed the dynamic they have that made so many of us fall hard for Jeresa as our ship, as our OTP. I don’t think making them a couple or having them together early on in the season would create unnecessary conflict. I think it could’ve created different conflict than what we’ve seen before, and wouldn’t that be a beautiful thing, to have seen them evolve and deal with each other in ways we haven’t seen before?

So, related to what I said about different conflict, as far as intrigue goes…I don’t think presenting Jeresa as a couple or in a relationship would ever make them flat or boring. When I think back to season 3, when we got Jeresa in 3x05 and 3x09, I wish we’d been offered the chance to see them succeed and see what happened with them if they tried. Like I said, it’d be a different kind of conflict, a different kind of challenge for them to face and have to face together. That sounds so opposite of lacking intrigue to me, anon. That’s a side of Jeresa I would have loved to see.

You’ve pointed out that, in general, on TV shows, getting a couple together too early usually means doom and gloom and failure for them. One of my favorite shows ever was Veronica Mars, the first two seasons especially. When the showrunner, Rob Thomas, has talked about the first kiss Logan and Veronica have, he refers to it as being earned. For QOTS, and for Jeresa, I really felt that when they shared their first kiss in 3x05. It took so much and they went through so much to get to that moment. It was earned. So, with that idea—of the earned kiss, of the earned get together, of the earned relationship—in mind, to me, there is no point in season 5 that would have been too early for Jeresa.

Talking about TV shows and how they usually go in general leads me to my next point: as a viewer, is that what I want and is that what I should expect, to be given more of what’s typical? Maybe the writers and critics and people much smarter than me will tell me it’s my fault, I’m the fool, for wanting to critically engage in media that’s not meant to be consumed that way. Maybe I’m just supposed to accept and enjoy and be happy with what I’m given. No one claimed this wasn’t going to be typical. So okay. It’s on me. It’s my bad. But here’s the thing. If I’m supposed to accept and enjoy and love this as it is…well, give me something to love. I’m not asking for a revolution or anything life-changing here, just something I can appreciate (and this season, in my opinion, has really lacked things that I can hold on to and appreciate). So as for typical TV…I’m not down with merely accepting that because things usually go a certain way, that’s how they always have to go.

Why do Jeresa have to fail if they got together earlier in the season? Why is it so out of the realm of possibility that they might succeed together? Are they so emotionally stunted, do they lack so much compassion and understanding of each other that it would be impossible for them to listen and move forward together? What if they could discuss their issues, tell each other how they feel, stop hiding, and try? Who says there wouldn’t be angst and tension between them as they try to work through their issues? What if they’re actually supposed to be together and it would make them stronger—individually and as a couple?

Now, forget everything I just said. LOL. Let’s say we have to go by TV in general and typical TV rules. Let’s assume if Jeresa got together early on, then we’d see them struggle and fall apart and break up. Fine. Okay.

Here’s how Jeresa could have played out after the first two episodes:

5x03 banging honeymoon phase, probably

5x04 arguments and frustration with each other as T embraces being the white queen

5x05 J finds out about T’s coke usage and has to walk away from the relationship because he can’t stand to be complicit and stand idly by while she destroys herself

5x06 classic Jeresa angst and tension

5x07 KG’s death leads to T’s breaking point and J is there to support her

5x08 honesty hour, where it’s made clear that these two mean so much to one another and they’re running out of time to let each other know that, so they tell each other

5x09 one last united mission + they hatch the plan to get out and be free + a farewell with the promise and intent to see each other in another life

5x10 reunion in another life

Are these all headcanons? Of course they’re headcanons. Of course I would never expect the show to go exactly how I thought it would or with my own ideas. My point is that if they would’ve gotten together early on and we’d been given a glimpse of what that would be like, even if they failed, it doesn’t mean it would’ve been impossible for them to ever find themselves together again before season’s end.

“There’s not enough time,��� the writers said. “It’s an action packed season,” the writers said. Okay. Why? There was enough time to spend on backstory of minor insignificant characters. There was enough time to introduce characters, tell us a bit about them, only to see them dead by the end of the episode. There was enough time to focus on Kote’s story, over multiple episodes, with not just a baby plot but a kidnapping one as well. So why? Why was there no time for Jeresa? Forget about them getting together and kissing and sex. If that was what it was (and it was) they wanted us to not have, then fine. Some of my favorite Jeresa moments were in the first two seasons, when Jeresa getting together was very much not a thing, when tension was high. So if it was just the portrayal of them not being together, if we still got the scenes of tension and them having no choice but to communicate, that would be completely fine. Like I said, I know I’m never going to get exactly what I want, my headcanons are mine, so that’s okay. Oh. But…no. Oh no. There was not even enough time for Jeresa to have more than short, throwaway, blink-and-you’ll-miss it conversations? Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“It’s a Teresa-centric season,” Dailyn claimed. Like I’ve said before, James is a big part of Teresa’s journey and story. If you’re going to have a Teresa-centric season, it’s hard to accomplish that without shedding more light on James and Jeresa. This isn’t a Teresa-centric season. This has become the Kote show. Teresa is the main character but her journey has been pushed aside, diminished, and downplayed in order to make way for Kote ultrasounds and Pote grunting and Kelly Anne thinking “positive” and hopeful that Marcel will come to a party at the safe house. Instead of getting conversations that would offer insight into Teresa’s relationships with those in her family, we got an extended deep dive into the most chemistry-lacking relationship we’ve ever seen on the show. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“It’s Queen of the South, not Jeresa of the South,” the writers will insist. If by that they mean it’s Kote of the South. Imagine for a second that it actually was a Teresa-centric season but they were adamant about keeping James in this minor capacity. Okay. It would still be different than it is now because we’d be in tune with Teresa. We would’ve gotten a glimpse into her thought process. Was this not, at some point, meant to be a story about a strong woman? I can even extend that question to Kelly Anne. Was this not, at some point, meant to be a story about strong women? Then why do we keep seeing them make asinine decisions? Why are their most extreme actions in reaction to what the men have done?

Moreover, if this show is about the people in the cartel, in Teresa’s inner circle, rather than just the Kote side plot becoming the main plot, there’s no way this is the James we would be getting. James, our beloved reluctant assassin…who we know nothing about. He can’t even get a backstory on a show on which he is supposedly one of the main characters. Five minutes—five seconds—couldn’t even be spared on James and how he came to be who he is, how he got where he is. But Isidro Navarro? By all means, I need to hear his life story. Who’s Isidro Navarro, you ask? Right. Exactly. Apparently we don’t deserve backstory and explanation and conversation and introspection from our protagonists. But a character who is there for ten minutes or less on a single episode and will never be heard from again in any significant manner? Of course he needs his screen time. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“This is not a romance show,” the makers of season 5 said. Honestly? Fuck that noise. Fuck that sentiment. Fuck that ignorance. When has Jeresa ever been about romance? Where do the people who make this show get off saying something like that as if we are so stupid we don’t know that? A romance story and a love story are not the same thing. Jeresa is love. God forbid Jeresa ever experience love within a successful relationship. God forbid Teresa and James ever become mature enough to use love as strength rather than weakness. But pile on all the Kote. Focus on them and emphasize how Teresa and James can barely even look at each other. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

So now here we are, on the cusp of 5x09. We got a spoiler in the last promo trailer. We know, after 7 episodes since their last conversation that actually meant something, after the writers missed the mark and didn’t have Jeresa interact in a way that was significant and necessary over the course of the season, that there is at least one kiss. They might even have a conversation. They might even share more than one kiss that leads to more (but also, don’t be surprised if we get a mere few seconds of a kiss and nothing more before fade to black). This is going to make us so happy because finally, finally, they’re giving us what we wanted. And then what? What does it mean if those things are true? Is everything forgiven? Is the instant gratification of seeing our ship sail for a scene or two enough? Does it make up for the character assassination of the characters we love? If we somehow get the ending we want, or at least one close to it, is it even believable anymore? Is what has been broken all season so easily fixed?

Listen, I already know the counter argument. I’m going to be told I’m crazy, that Teresa has to be on her own, that it wouldn’t be interesting, that it would diminish the payoff for Teresa and Jeresa in the end. I get it. Typical TV rules, right? We have to go with what people know, what they’re used to. But what have we gotten, really, to preserve these ‘rules’ for TV in general? Teresa has been dumbed down and is now lacking a lot of the intuition and street smarts she had before. She makes bad decision after bad decision and she doesn’t see what’s coming. The actions she takes are in reaction to those bad decisions. James hates so much of what he’s been made to do but for some reason he keeps going along and carrying out Teresa’s orders; he’ll just stew over it quietly in a corner without saying anything. Teresa and James don’t talk to each other, at least not about anything important, and when they do talk, they give each other heart eyes but never scratch the surface—how could they when they talk for like 10 seconds at a time? So. Has this been a good portrayal of Jeresa? You tell me. If it’s fine with everyone else, then I guess it’s fine. I’m probably the wrong person to ask.

[icollectyoursins]

Kishibe Rohan x Reader SFW + NSFW

Anon said: “Consider Rohan sfw and nsfw hcs? And in nsfw Rohan could be a top,,? Prrtty pleade hhh, since there is only one work of Rohan ;;”

I hope these are good, not too familiar with Rohan, so I hope you like it!

Wanna know what I’m willing to write? Rules here!

Have a character, but no idea? Prompt list here!

Looking for more? Master post here!

WARNINGS: Making out, stands used in inappropriate ways, fingering, voyeurism, dildos, fucking machines, spanking, hand jobs, blow jobs, oral, face fucking, cock warming, nipple play, nude modelling. 

Word Counts: 2201

SFW

Rohan is a jackass who cares. In the beginning, he’s very private and stand-offish, but he does warm up to you eventually, though he’s still nicer in private than he is in public. He claims this is because he’s a “celebrity” and can’t have his fans see you too close together yada, yada. It’s bullshit and you know it, but you have the feeling it’s because he’s not used to people being close to him. 

Yes, he does have a binder dedicated to paintings, drawings, sketches, etc. all for you. Some are a little on the artistically lewd side, but most of them are of your hands holding something or your smile, your face and shoulders. Some of them he asked you to model for, others he quickly sketched down while you weren’t paying attention and then finished later.

When he’s not holed up inside, he enjoys walking down to either parts of Morioh where he can people watch or down to the park where he can study wildlife (and maybe draw you playing with ducks). 

You are literally never bored in his house. He has every book under the earth and so many loose painting supplies that he painfully lets you use to fool around. (Though let’s be honest, He likes that you take an interest in his job and would be more than happy to give you tips.)

You know what? Rohan is a backseat artist. He watches every stroke you make over your shoulder and tells you maybe you should move the hand this way to make it more natural or add some light shading here to make it dynamic. It may come off as a little pretentious at first, but if you keep with it, he’ll notice the improvement and (occasionally) tell you how good you’re doing while being a total blushing mess.

    You sat in the window seat, knees up with your back against the wall. Resting on your thighs was a sketchbook. Currently, you were just idly drawing lines of shading onto a face. Rohan himself was also busy colouring in his most recent page, though every now and then he would catch himself looking up at your silhouette, lit up by the light in some kind of halo effect.

     Finally, he caved in to his curiosity. Setting down his pencils, he strode over to you. You didn’t notice until his face manifested itself over your shoulder. Startled, you jumped, causing your pencil to make a long line on your artwork. 

     “Jesus, warn me next time.” You said, grabbing your eraser.

     “Have you been struggling with the nose?” He completely ignores you, still staring at your drawing. The paper was clearly marked up by the eraser with deeper marks from where the pencil was.

     “Yeah, actually. It’s either too big or too small. Kind of just gave up.” You carefully tried to erase the long line but wound up taking away parts that you were actually happy with.

     “Be more gentle with the pencil, it’ll make it easier to erase.” He suggested with a monotone.

     “I tried-”

     “And then you got frustrated and pushed harder. I admire your persistence, however, if something isn’t to your liking, walk away and come back. Remember to look at the picture as a whole, not just the nose.” You rolled your eyes, gently tossing your pencil onto the window seat. As much as you wanted to appreciate the advice, you had heard it all before. You were getting sick of it, frankly.

     Rohan took note of your agitation, studying your face carefully. “You’ve improved, though!” You looked up, a little shocked. What? “The eyes are well done and your shading is very even. Good job.” 

     What? Your cheeks grew hot. That was the first bit of praise you had heard from him. About your drawing, at least. He looked down into your eyes, then felt his own face getting hot. He turned away. “Go take a break. I’ll help you when you get back in an hour. I’ll be timing you, don’t be late.”

Like I have said, he’s not overly fond of affection in public (in the beginning), but he can’t deny that holding your hand or feeling you on his arm makes him feel pretty good. The first few times, he’s internally a mess, though he won’t show anything other than a light tint of blush on his cheeks. But when he’s relaxing at home, he enjoys having you under his arm, leaning against him or with one of your heads in the other’s lap. He’s not used to people and even less so used to affection, but can be worked up to being more comfortable with stuff like kissing in front of the Morioh gang and the like.

When he’s comfortable, he is so cocky. Like, boarder line makes out with you in front of literally anyone just to prove you’re his S/O. This always makes you blush so much (unless you’re into that.) More often than not, he’ll have an arm around your shoulders, hand in pocket, looking so smug and proud and cool. 

Pet names? He can either go one of two ways, depending on his mood. Either it’s just your name or babe OR it is every teasing name under the sun. Oh, darling can you do this for me? Oh, baby, oh, honey, oh, my love, oh, my flower. It’s usually used to get something from you or to get you to do something a little out of the box.

I can see Rohan as being the kind of person who is very strict about his bath time and hates when people interrupt him. On the rare occasion, he’ll let you in with him with the promise of either massaging him or something else *wink, wink*

NSFW (Dominant specifically)

Rohan literally does not shut up during sex. Praise, degradation, mocking, you name it! As a writer and an artist, he knows how to stitch words together in a masterful way that never fails to make you hot in the face.

Uh, yeah. He’s used Heaven’s Door on you before. Did he do it to learn your kinks? Maybe to put some kind of loose control over you in certain situations? Looking for people you find attractive for potential erm... art inspiration (voyeurism)? The world will never know.

Staying-on brand with HD, he absolutely uses it to learn everything that you enjoy in the bedroom. He knows how to make you squirm, where to push to make you scream, how to make you beg. He knows everything.

Particularly enjoys using this “power” to finger you, pressing into every sweet spot (that he made more sensitive with HD), licking over the edges of your hole in a way that just makes you dumb (either hole, not picky!)

     A delicate finger was trailed up your twitching hole, making you shiver. Rohan had already stretched you open enough for it to easily slip in again. You were so sensitive from being teased over and over again, but with no relief that you cried out, tears threatening to burst forward.

     He curled his finger up into a particularly sensitive bundle of nerves, slowly pushing into it more. You groaned and whined, blabbering out his name along with various ways to beg. He shushed you carelessly, sounding annoyed by your desperation. God, you wish you could move! You would give anything to be impaled by him right now. Or anything for that matter.

     He removed the digit quickly, then promptly smacked your ass with a flat hand.

     “Quiet.” You had no choice but to listen to him, involuntarily shutting your mouth and stifling your whimpers. “If you want something, be polite about it. Do you know how to be polite?”

     You nodded your head, a single tear trailed down your cheek. Your hole was teased again, repeating the same process as before. Rohan was such an asshole, but god if you didn’t love it.

If you have established a relationship where he has complete control over everything you say or do, he will abuse it so much. Just, tells you to sit still, turns on a wand or vibrator and just tortures you to the point of tears. You can talk, he didn’t take that away (mostly because he wants to hear you beg), but the position he put you in on top of the order. It’s too much for you. 

He’ll do the same with a dildo, a fucking machine, his own dick, does not matter! Once you give him that power, RIP to your organs.

Alright, now. Voyeurism. This man is a freak and does not try to hide it when it’s under the guise of “art.” Again, if established, he will hire random people to do whatever he wants to you. If you’re okay with it, he’ll record it for later research. 

Rohan is a weird jealous type, so he checks out every person you meet and makes sure they’re perfect (ie. not competition and someone you’ll enjoy). Very rarely does he let you pick out the people. Like I said, he’s a weird jealous type. Likes to see you with other people, but not with other people, you know?

There is only one person who he considers competition that he wants you to fuck at least once and it’s Jotaro. Are we surprised? No. Dude is built like a god and has the goods to match. Even Rohan can’t deny it. He would probably want to join in as well, but Jotaro would never do anything like that.

Mmmm, punishments for being bratty? Ooooh, yes. Smack my ass like a drum! Makes you count, absolutely. If he’s in a bitchy, lazy mood he’ll use a paddle or something like that, other than that, he uses his hands. 

As you’ve probably surmised, he likes having control over you in the bedroom, so it’s no surprise he also enjoys tying you up and has a particular fondness for swings where he’ll hang you up and tease you until you can barely walk. 

I mentioned baths in the SFW section, now let me elaborate. Doesn’t like sex in the bath, he hates when the water gets everywhere, but loves when you worship him while scrubbing him down and will allow you to work him up with a light hand job. This usually leads to a blowjob of some kind whether it’s gentle or rough.

Speaking of! His favourite part of sex is probably oral. From sucking bruises into each other’s necks, rough kissing, right down to holding you against the wall and choking you with his dick. Or a dildo, if he wants something a little more adventurous like mirror sex with him taking you from behind and making you watch yourself choke over and over again.

Cock warming is only ever used as punishment for being too needy, but he will keep you in his lap until you’re in tears. He is absurdly patient when it comes to sex.

     You whined, grinding yourself onto Rohan’s dick. He chuckled before letting out a theatrical sigh. Your grip on his shoulders got harder and you buried your face into his neck more.

     “What’s wrong, (Y/N)?” He trailed a soft, teasing hand up your thigh. “You wanted attention, yes? Then, why are you complaining? Now, up, I need another look at my reference.”

     You sighed, tired and riled up at the same time. With new vigour, you sat up, leaning back to show your artist his latest obsession. He hummed in appreciation, taking a minute to admire his muse before licking a warm stripe up your sternum making you gasp. He stopped, giving you a look of warning.

     “Don’t move.” You gave him a curt nod, trying your best to follow your command while he returned his tongue to your chest, exploring your skin’s taste. He flicked over your nipple with the tip, testing your resolve before wrapping his lips around it, sucking harshly. A moan fought its way through your throat as he became more feverous with his suckling. 

     Rohan hummed with you, theatrically mulling over the saltiness, then switching to the next one. Satisfied with the redness around your nipples, he pulls back, looking you over once again. A lightbulb seems to go off in his head and he reaches for his sketchbook which only made his cock shift inside you, rubbing against your walls in a delightfully painful way.

     “Rohan-sensei,” you moaned out. Admittedly, you didn’t like calling him that, but he insisted you call him sensei during times like this. 

     “Stop moving, you’re ruining the picture,” he chided. “Go back to the way you were, darling.” He leaned back, rolling his hips into you to punctuate his words as well as tease you. 

Model nude for him. Whether you like it or not, he will ask you to do it and, if he’s in a sexy mood, you will be asked to do uncomfortable positions that will definitely leave you sore the next day. “It highlights how the muscles work for a new character I’m drawing” or so he says. Other than that, he’ll just let you pick somewhere comfortable and sexy to lie down. 

[hollyhomburg]

Reasons Wretched and Divine (Pt.5)

Genre: hybrid au, polyamory au, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Pregnancy

Parings: Snake hybrid! Yoongi x Dog hybrid! Jimin x Dog hybrid! Namjoon x Pregnant! Reader, Platonic Vmin, allusions to 2seok,

Summary: You live on an isolated but sprawling farm with your abusive husband, but things start to change for the better when your husband adopts a retired police dog hybrid named Namjoon.

Tags: hurt/comfort, panic attacks, past abuse, food-related anxiety, Post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-worth, bonding over trauma, Jimin has self-esteem issues, internalized victim-blaming, mute characters, scent-marking, brief gore, but don't be fooled- this is equal parts angst and fluff

W/c: 13k

Song Rec: Talos - to each his own

SERIES MASTERLIST (5/10 parts complete) 

A brief interlude on hybrids pack behaviors, romantic attachment between hybrids, hybrid polyamory:  

Though pack forming behavior is the strongest in canine type hybrids- pack behavior (also known as grouping behavior) is seen in every species of hybrid. It doesn’t seem that species has much of an influence on which hybrids will choose to form a pack either- as interspecies groups are incredibly common accounting for around 50% of all hybrid packs.

Though polyamorous behavior might seem strange to human owners; to hybrids, it’s a natural extension of the pack dynamic. It’s what keeps pack bonds strong and reinforces existing dominance structures within the group. That doesn’t mean that love between hybrids within a pack is any different than the love that hybrids might have with their owners or love between humans.

Packs that are decided in juvenile periods of development more mobile and eventually break apart as hybrids age, and then re-solidify in adulthood. In many cases, hybrids without packs tend to be better adoptees as removal of one or more hybrids from a pack can result in many of the same markers associated with removing an imprinted hybrid from it’s imprintee. for that reason, the modal age from 16-22 is the best age to adopt hybrids.

Though one might assume that because of imprinting- that humans would exempt from being apart of hybrid social structure; this is untrue. humans usually seem to be on the more alpha side of the dominance structure, however evidence of this is anecdotal at best and will further statistical significant results in order to be proven.

When packs are settling and a new member is being admitted, this can often result in a period of turmoil in the group dynamic where stereotypically alpha members may act more submissive, or vise versa, where the new pack member is being admitted into the social structure and dominance is questioned.

- Yoongi tilts his head at your words staring Jimin down, before he juts his chin out at him, glancing back at you. “Oh I forgot! you probably haven’t been introduced. Yoongi this is Jimin, Jimin this is Yoongi. If you haven’t guessed Yoongi is a snake hybrid- one of the very few of his kind.”

- Jimin tries to recoup some of his politeness and struggles to smile at the hybrid; Jimin holds his hand out for Yoongi to shake, “it’s nice to meet you.” Yoongi stares at Jimin’s hand for a moment and makes no move to take it. It hangs there for a palpably awkward moment before you grip Jimin’s hand and pull it down to hang in between the two of you. Giving it a reassuring squeeze, not letting go of it.

- Jimin feels flustered as Yoongi lifts the bag of gardening equipment that Jimin had missed by his side and gestures towards a field. You must have some sort of established language because you answer his question. “Yes, we will be doing the veggie garden today Yoon,” Yoongi makes a huffing noise in agreement, and heads down the path. You tug Jimin after him.  

- Jimin is perplexed at the lingering silence, even as they reach the far vegetable garden (and Jimin realizes you haven’t let go of his hand with a flush and makes to detangle it or risk feeling like a creep). You’re not trying to feed the whole of the farm with the produce, but that’s certainly an eventual goal of yours. 

- It’s large, probably 30 by 50 feet at the very least. You have rows of tomatoes, potatos, carrots, and a half plot of butternut squash and tiny watermelons nothing more that flowers. You start to instruct Jimin on how to tie up The tomato’s that have started to sag with the rain and their continuing growth away from their circular cages. Instructing Jimin how to do the same with the green twine.

- “Gardening is easy,” you tell Jimin, “You have to have some patience, nothing grows overnight.”

- The smell of the wet earth seems to lul the three of you into a hazy silence, He purses his lips, brain running full of information before you turn to him, “got any questions?” 

- he has a lot, so many, they spill out. “How many different types of plants do you try to grow? Which one is your favorite? Do you grow any flowers or do you only have your garden for those? What about like seasonings and stuff? those are plants right?” 

- Jimin asks a lot of questions, but you seem happy to answer them. Especially once you start harvesting the tomatoes. “You mean you’ve never had one fresh?” Jimin shakes his head “no, most of the food I ate was like, chips and other dried stuff- if he ever bothered to feed me at all”  Behind you Yoongi snips through some twine angrily, the older hybrid huffs, shaking his head at that, but still dosent say anything. 

- It’s the most communicative that he’s been the whole day, but his displeasure at that is clear. Yours too, Jimin hadn’t even realized he’d said something concerning until he hears your dismayed noise and looks up from what he’s doing to see your jaw tight, that familiar anger in your eyes.

- Before he starts to feel like he’s done something wrong, messed up another job just like he’d done with all the others, you smooth away his worry. “Here, you can try one if you want” you hand him a half dozen tomatoes that are so dark they’re almost purple, then add a few more for good measure until they’re almost spilling out of Jimin’s hands. They’re still warm from the sun Jimin can tell, you give him an encouraging nod “go on- they’re sweet I promise”  he slowly lifts one to his lips and bites down. 

- The tangy fruitfulness explodes on his tongue- He actually yips, his floppy ears lifting up in his sun hat and his tail wagging so quickly you think he might just take off. By the time he’s done with the first, he’s already reaching for the second, and then looking at the other unripened ones around them hungrily. 

- You and Yoongi laugh, though for Yoongi it’s only the twitch of his shoulders and a strange hissing sound as he opens his mouth, gums on display as well as his slightly elongated incisors (and they look sharp, Jimin feels ghoosebumps erupt on his arms). Jimin shyly hides his blush under the brim of his sunhat. “They’re so good! I didn’t think they’d be so tasty- it doesn’t taste anything like ketchup at all!” 

- You wince when you think that he’s never had anything other than ketchup to compare what a real tomato tastes like. You and Jimin lapse into a comfortable companionable silence and you don’t say anything when Jimin sneaks a cherry tomato here and there. Though you do hide your smile when he makes a sound of disgust when he decides to try a green one after he’s eaten all of the ripe ones in his area. You catch his cheeks puffed up more than once when you turn to ask him to do something, and your heart melts a little at his chubby cheeks. 

- When Yoongi leaves soon after to grab some fresh seedlings for the herb garden you’re quick to explain to Jimin about Yoongi. You want to make sure Jimin is comfortable, but part of the reason why you’d asked him to help in the gardens in the first place is because of how genuinely friendly Jimin is, and how closed off Yoongi is from the rest of the hybrids at the farm. 

- Yoongi is the only other hybrid besides Namjoon that stays in the main house with you. You explain to Jimin that he has issues regulating his internal body temperature and need a heater and several heated blankets even in the summer. “Some of the others see this as preferential treatment- when really it’s just what he needs, and it doesn’t help that he doesn’t talk to any of them.”  

- “Does he talk at all?” Jimin asks, just as his ears start to pick up on returning footsteps of Yoongi back over the field. “Not that I’ve heard” your whisper hushes when Yoongi comes close with the 12 packs of herbs, gestures to Jimin to follow him. 

- Jimin’s heard more than one of the teenage hybrids bemoaning the lumps in their mattresses and their envious rants of how comfortable the beds in the big house are. (Apparently, there’s a closed-off second apartment suite in the side part of the house where the hybrids are allowed to spend their heats when they have them, though you’re working on fixing up what once a stable house to make a more private place for that) 

- Jimin thinks that the other hybrid obviously hasn’t spent enough of his life sleeping on the floor because Jimin’s bottom bunk below Taehyung’s is more than comfortable enough. But he keeps that particular opinion to himself. 

- He’s also sensed how conversation comes to a halt whenever the snake hybrid comes near for the lunch line or to get a tool from the shed or get Namjoon for something (Namjoon always ends up supervising the more technical chores, having a knack for mechanics and putting things together, like the soaker hose system that will enable some of the vegetables to get more consistent watering as the summer tugs on). Jimin dosent know how he didn’t notice the hybrid before now, but he must have been there the first few days, Jimin was probably just too overwhelmed. 

- Even Taehyung seems to quiet down in the Yoongi’s presence, whenever he comes to visit Jimin on his break in the gardens or brings them watermelon from the big house for a snack (though when Yoongi hungrily scarfs down a few pieces Jimin does see a small smile play at the edge of Taehyung’s mouth)

- Jimin never catches any sort of aggressive behavior or meanness from Yoongi beyond a roll of his eyes at those who quiet when he walks by, turning to Jimin so that he can see. 

- Jimin decides after the second day that he dosent mind yoongi at all. his presence is comforting even next to Jimin in the dirt, help you dig holes for sprouts and seeds. Jimin holding the latter when Yoongi goes up to check on one of the peach trees (you have a full orchard tucked back into the side of the property- accessible only by walking through the woods and Jimin can’t wait for summer when the fruit is ready if fresh peaches taste anything like the canned kind that Jimin is used to- he thinks he’ll like them). 

- But Jimin does see Yoongi’s shoulders tense and his hands tighten a little at times, especially when he sees the other hybrids engaging in leisurely time. Jimin sees Yoongi’s yearning look at the dog hybrids throwing a Frisbee in the empty field between the barn and the main house when they call for Jimin to join, or the cat hybrids grooming each other in the shade all cuddled up or the pair of tiger hybrids stretched out nuzzling into the grasses and flowers.  

- Jimin figures the hybrid must be lonely, and he can’t blame him, being surrounded by a community like this and somehow set apart from it doesn’t sound nice at all. Sometimes Jimin wants to reach out and tug a stick out of the elders hair- but even you seem to be careful not to be physically affectionate with the snake hybrid, and Jimin has seen you scratch the ears or hug just about every hybrid that lives at the farm. 

- Jimin doesn’t realize Yoongi’s caginess might be for a deeper reason until Jimin accidentally touches him.

-  It’s a hot day and you’ve just gone inside to get all three of you some sweet tea from the pitcher, and He swears he was just asking for a shovel. Jimin had accidentally touched his arm. His fingers ghosting over the line of dark scales gently. And before jimin had realized his misstep- Yoongi had started shaking so violently. 

- His hands clenched and his shoulders quivering- shivering. Looking strange in the heat of midday and the too-bright slant of the noon sun. Jimin has seen Yoongi shiver in the slightest breeze before, but this, this is so much more than that. And it’s hot, but Yoongi doesn’t look like he’s sweating at all which almost seems more dangerous. 

- “Hyung? Are you okay? Hyung?” he gets nothing in response- not a small shake of his head or eye contact, just Yoongi’s unfocused gaze, little huffs of breath coming out from his clenched teeth.  

- Jimin didn’t think- just ran to get Namjoon, working in the field closest to them, almost falling after he heaves himself over the fence. Namjoon is already running to meet him when he’d heard the younger shouting his name. Looking panicked- Jimin can barely get the words out, “it’s Yoongi he’s- I think he’s having a panic attack or going into shock or-”

- “Take me to him Jimin,” Namjoon says dropping his shovel and easily keeping pace with Jimin as they dash back to the vegetable garden. Namjoon steadying Jimin with a hand fisted in the back of his shirt when his foot hits a divot in the ground and he almost trips.

-  They find Yoongi in the same spot, still quivering like a willow in a thunderstorm. At the sound of his name coming from Namjoon’s lips, Yoongi sharply looks up, his eyes focusing after a moment before they go hazy again and he starts to cry in Ernest. 

- Namjoon had quietly led Yoongi back inside the house, you set the pitcher on the table hard enough that the dark tea spills over the side when you see Yoongi and namjoon in the doorway, the elder hybrid sagging when he sees you, his knees weak. You say his name, and Yoongi’s eyes focus again, You don’t touch Yoongi. You’re very clear and careful with your intent grabbing onto the edge of his sleeve before you tug him, speaking in a low voice and guiding him up to the second floor and back to his room- probably the direction of the shower to cool off.  

- Namjoon puts a hand on Jimin’s shoulder, smoothing it over the back of his neck. “Jimin- hey pup- it’s fine” Jimin looks up at Namjoon, panicked and imploring, tears in his own eyes and adrenaline in his system for the first time in weeks. Fuck- he’d forgotten how terrible it felt to be afraid “I didn’t mean to trigger him I swear-“ 

- “Jimin- it’s okay, Yoongi will be fine he just probably needs to sleep and to cool down a little, it probably wasn’t even your fault- we should have known this would happen on such a hot day.”

- Namjoon’s voice is honeyed and soft, expression torn as he looks down at Jimin from the upper step. “This just happens to him Jimin, it’s not your fault.” Namjoon reaches up to thumb away a tear on Jimin's cheek that he hadn’t realized he’d let out. 

- it shocks him almost more than the sudden affection does. Enough that he lets out a low whine. Not knowing what to do with his hands until they close around the hem of namjoon’s flannel, jerking the larger hybrid towards Jimin, making his pine scent settle over Jimin like a comforting blanket - strong  and alpha and everything Jimin wants to press himself into-

- A  cat hybrid bustles through the entryway carrying a crate full of something- headed for the basement refrigerators, and Namjoon straightens, his mask of careful control back in place- (like it always does, Jimin thinks a little sourly) as Jimin steps away and shakes off. Jimin wonders if he had dreamed up the brief heavy look in his face or if it had never been there at all. 

- Both of them hear the sound of you upstairs, lingering “Do you want me to stay?” a pause, and then you continue, “okay, I’ll come to check on you later- don’t turn the shower on too cold or else you’ll go into shock okay Yoon?” 

- If Jimin did know any better (and he certainly knows better) he would have mistaken Namjoon’s look for the same one he gives you when you reappear at the top of the stairs, Namjoon and Jimin spill onto the landing to make room for you. Namjoon’s hand hovers on your arm, tugging you in close for a moment, he can audibly hear the swallow you let out as Namjoon buries his face in your shoulder, tension locked in every muscle of his body until he exhales. 

-  “I’ll help you with the garden for the rest of the day just let me grab my hat Jimin.” You say, smiling at him, but Jimin can see the clenched worry in the set of your mouth. Namjoon gives your retreating form a withering look and he tells Jimin under his breath, “make sure she rests when she gets tired okay?” Namjoon asks, to which Jimin nods, his tail swishing between his legs. “I heard that!” you shout from what must be your and Namjoon’s room. 

- You and Jimin spend the rest of the day watering the cutting garden, and Jimin finds himself asking you what kind of plants these ones are. They’re large and pretty. A little ruffly and torn looking but beautiful none the less with a strong floral scent that sort of reminds him of how you smell. Jimin likes them, especially the light pink ones that are the same color as the blushing sky. 

- “We planted these for a local florist, they’re called peonies, and those are dahlias,” you say, pressing your face into one, the soft petals brushing against your cheeks as you rub your face into one, and Jimin feels his heart flutter like a butterfly. “hang on- you’ve got a little” he brushes away the Pollen on your cheek, “Thanks Minnie” 

- Minnie- the butterflies in his heart flutter harder- probably causeing a tornado  somewhere elce. He hides his blush by turning away to snip off some of the dying leaves with his scissors, trying to slow the thundering pace of his heart. 

- Later that evening when the skin is purple-tinted dark blue, you stand in the cutting garden with Namjoon. Armed with a pair of scissors you snip the most beautiful blooms. Though it will be a few more days till you drive another shipment into town to the florist and you know the few blooms you take won’t be missed. 

- “What are you doing?” Namjoon asks, taking the fist-sized blooms from you as you cut more. “Just making someone happy.” You say, And Namjoon just shakes his head. He knows what you’re talking about and who you're picking them for, And it might be for the puppy who always picks a wild cosmos and puts it on the strap of his sun hat, and looks at the two of you like he wants to be affectionate or dote on, but might not know-how. 

- “He hasn’t had an easy day has he,” Namjoon says, voice low, you shake your head, because no- Jimin hasn’t and you’re only trying to make him a little happier.  He seemed a little too shaken after the incident with Yoongi.  a small act of kindness goes a long way. 

-  He finds them the next day shortly after breakfast, about to change into a  pair of shorts so that he can swim in the stream with Taehyung and some of his other bunkmates before work starts. He finds the pink, white, and purple blooms stuffed into a jam jar on the small side table next to his bed. Blushing as his fingers skim over the edge. Unable to handle the sudden rush of hope and affection because he knows- he knows these must be from you- but he can’t imagine why you’d left them for him to find.  

- “Someones got a secret admierer~” Taehyung teases with a sing song voice from where he changes- almost tripping as he steps into his red swim trunks. Jimin blushes and tries not to let him see. 

- But when he really thinks about it- all he wonders is why. He’d hurt Yoongi yesterday- Someone who seemed special to you. He’d been half-expecting you to punish him at some point- not reward him with these flowers that he gets to look at when he falls asleep. Jimin hugs his pillow to his chest and lets the scent of you (because yes- you do smell like peonies) lul him into sleep. 

- Yoongi appears by the middle of the next day to help Jimin twine up the lines of peas. Yoongi looks no worse for wear, if not for the bags under his eyes that seem a little shadowed, the elder doesn’t look like he’s gotten a wink. 

- (Later- when you break for lunch- you and Jimin find Yoongi asleep underneath the shade of one of the oak trees that border the vegetable garden, His sun hat pulled low over his face to shield his eyes from the sun, and decide it’s better if you let him be for the rest of the day)

- Jimin is so puzzled by the flowers that he asks Yoongi about them. But the elder pauses, and shakes his head, making an X with his hands. And points to the other side of the garden where you stand, whistling a little and watering some of the carrots (the few that have managed to avoid the hungry bellies of the bunny hybrids)

-  Jimin blushes and swats his hands at Yoongi’s small smirk. Saying “oh shut up!” even as Yoongi rolls his eyes, I didn’t say anything he can almost hear the other say.

- Late that night Jimin wonders what Yoongi’s voice sounds like. Then when the days press on, he starts to doubt that he’ll ever find out. But that's fine, they don’t have to talk to be friends. Not when he comes back from a bathroom break with a glass of water and ice for Yoongi only to find that the elder has filled his discarded sunhat to the brim with sweet Tomatoes and green beans. 

- Namjoon makes a brief appearance one day to lug in a few bags of mulch in your private garden. Eyeing Jimin and Yoongi in the field, as Jimin points energetically to a small bright blue bird that seems very interested in some of the pees. neither of them makes to scare the bird off or pounce like a cat hybrid might, merely straightening up to watch, still as to not startle it, as it twitters and is joined by another bright blue bird and then two more.

- they fly away, and Jimin shouts excitedly and hops over to the fence, stoops to pick up a tiny bright blue feather. Jimin chats animatedly to Yoongi, who doesn’t respond but holds it up to the sky to compare the color. Both of them leaning around the light to see it, their straw hats bumping into each other. 

- Jimin must ask Yoongi because he’s dropping the feather into his hand and tilting his head down so that Yoongi can stick the blue feather into Jimin's hat, right in-between an orange snapdragon and a dried pink clover. 

- Namjoon sees the smile tugging at Yoongi’s lips and feels deep satisfaction. Later that night, curled up in your bed with your form propped up on many pillows, Namjoon tells you that you made the right decision to try and push Jimin and Yoongi to be friends. He’s gotten so much better; less twitchy and easy to startle. Both of them have really. They’re good for each other.   

- you fall asleep with a soft smile on your face, cheek pillowed against the soft cream bedspread. Namjoon nuzzles his face into your stomach, resting his cheek below your breasts as you sleep on. You’re so used to his movements next to you that you barely startle. “Things are complicated little one,” he murmurs to the bump. 

- Pressing a kiss to it through your large sleeping shirt (an old one of his) one of namjoon’s large work-roughened hands smoothing over it. “Only a few months now and you’ll be here. I can’t wait to meet you but I’m also scared.”  He shakes a little as he thinks about it- about being a dad, about being parents with you.

- And then he thinks of the others, “We’re both going to need so much help, but I think you’ll like them too.”

- after he showers and before dinner time Jimin helps you and the few other hybrids set up the long table in the largest barn that serves as the dining room for all of the hybrids. As you hand out napkins, More than one of them asks you to get off your feet. 

- He spends dinner on Namjoon’s left side and you on the other side and Yoongi next to you. The hybrid files in after everyone has already started at the line for the buffet of food. Keeping his head ducked and making himself as small as possible. Jimin tries to catch his eyes in hello but doesn’t manage too. 

- - As April fades into may, Jimin starts to feel disconcerting comfortableness slip under his bones, the day’s aren’t exactly the same, but they do become familiar. And it doesn’t comfort him- it just makes Jimin anxious. the planting comes to an end, and the three of you find yourselves coming in earlier especially once it starts to get hotter. Because of the absence of work, Jimin often finds himself wandering the property without a task. 

- The less work there is to do in the gardens, the more he looks to find something that will occupy him- any way to contribute more. He keeps helping during dinner time, to set out the tables and the dishes. And goes back and forth to the house to get anything he might need, unable to sit down until everything is done, even then, he barely gets a few bites in before he’s standing up to help bring the dirty dishes back to the house. 

- You notice, Namjoon does too but you both quickly get dragged off to deal with another call that you’ve gotten to pick up another hybrid. And though Jimin might be hungry when he goes to sleep, it’s worth it to stay up to watch your car lights pull back up the long road to the main house. The anxiety in his chest is abated enough to where he doesn’t feel the hunger.

- That might be a bit of a lie, but really, he was hungry for so many years that he doesn’t mind.

- the presence of a new hybrid makes it worse. It’s the first house call you’d made since Jimin- thought you tell him that it hadn’t really been a house call at all. The locals in a beach town had seen a stray here and there lingering in the lagoon and the ocean waters.

-  The otter hybrid named Hoseok looks like he’s been living on his own for a number of years. He’s Grubby, his hair overgrown but cut short by your hand in your kitchen the next day. And though he leans away from your hand when you try to touch his head, he eventually relaxes under your calm soothing voice, “That’s a good boy, there we go- now you look all clean and pretty!”

- “You think I’m pretty?” the otter hybrid has the Gaul to ask- shy- his eyes wide, and Jimin’s blood wants to boil. He sits with Yoongi at the prep table, helping the cat hybrids de-stem some of the peas and early spring greens that they’d harvested from the garden, and he almost nicks his hand on the knife he’s using. Next to him, Yoongi makes a noise and gestures at him to hand the knife over, he can see the scolding look on his face, “be more careful”

- He’s bubbly and happy after the first day, his little curved ears cooed at by the cat hybrids in the kitchen. Everyone likes Hoseok, Jimin should like Hoseok- but he can’t help but feel a little jealous at how he immediately fits in. He finds his place the first day when Jimin and Namjoon take him to see the sheep and other farm animals, immediately taking an interest in the thick skeen of bright red wool that Seokjin was hanging out to dry,

- The alpaca hybrid turns bright pink when he first sees Hoseok, all the way from his dye stained hands to the tips of his white ears. Jimin can hear the nervousness in the way he says “you can stay as long as you want- all day- it would be nice to have some company” which is funny because seokjin hates company- likes to be left alone with his radio and his pets. 

- “Of course!” the otter says, ears flicking rapidly in happiness in his shiny curly hair, “can you show me how you dye the wool?” Jimin hasn’t ever heard the alpaca hybrid say so many words at once. 

- Jimin wishes he didn’t feel jealous.  

- But he realizes- as one of the cat hybrids comes to asks him which of the herbs in the garden are which, and finds that he does know how to differentiate between the different kinds- At least he’s earned his place here, for a little while he can pretend that he belongs here. He feels a little dizzy like he used too, unsteady with the pounding in his chest- he gets startled over the littlest things, Yoongi standing up too quick next to him or Taehyung’s loud laugh when he walks into the bunkroom.

- The next stage of his anxiety makes him annoyed, his will power worn down by his own inability to relax. He snaps at one of the bunny hybrids after she drops his clothes after they were freshly laundered, ignoring her apology when she drops it.

- He helps the cat hybrids who work in the kitchen making dinner one night and growls when they keep thanking him for staying “Jesus it’s nothing please drop it” and then immediately feels guilty afterward.

- He can’t be this way, Needs to stop being so easily irritable and taciturn. he remembers what his other bunkmates had said on The first day: Namjoon will throw anyone out who makes problems. Jimin dosent want to leave, can’t help the thudding breathlessness that fills his chest when he thinks about the possibility. 

- He knows that Namjoon likes him, it’s the only fact that logically makes sense: that he acts differently around Jimin than the others. But he can’t shake the feeling that he doesn't really know for sure. And once the thought has fit its self into Jimin's head he can’t shake away the lingering feelings of dread- like he’s going to somehow lose his place here and have to leave. 

- Jimin starts to gather snacks here and there, shoving them into the drawer of his side table, just in case so he has some when he gets thrown out of the farm. 

- He even snaps at Yoongi at one point, when he splashes Jimin's feet accidentally with a hose, he grumbles and heads off towards the cutting garden mumbling about something that he needs to check, sequestering himself there for the rest of the day crumpling dried peony leaves in his fist. He misses the pregnant look that Yoongi shoots you- a worry you return.

- You can tell something’s wrong with Jimin- there isn’t any other reason why he’s suddenly started to withdraw from all of you. No longer lingering as much over the flowers and the fruits of your labor in the garden.

- You and Namjoon talk about it one morning after breakfast. Watching where Jimin’s sat on the grassy hill waiting for you and Yoongi to come out. Usually, he’d wait inside or sit on the steps but he hasn’t lately. You watch from the back of the house, looking out the window at him. Namjoons arms clasped around your middle. “Is it bad to assume that he’ll come to us if he wants to talk?” you ask Namjoon.“There's something wrong and I feel like I’ll just make him feel attacked if I ask”

- Namjoon looks conflicted, his fingers playing with yours, lacing and unlacing- your hands are so small His rough callouses feel good against your skin- rough in a nice way. “I’m worried too- but I think- maybe everything here has gotten to be too much for him, you know how overwhelmed he got in the first few days, maybe he just needs distance.” You nod against his shoulder, and though neither of you likes it. You think it’s what Jimin needs.

- It’s not really, so much of what's bound to happen could have been fixed by a little more care on your part- and you’ll never make the same mistake of leaving Jimin alone again.

- Over the next few days, Jimin can feel himself getting more and more annoyed- but he can’t for the life of him figure out why.  He sequesters himself on the other side of the cutting garden trying to find some comfort in the flowers. But the peony rings just won't stay upright, the Dalia stakes too, and the daisy poles, the green garden twine won't stay tight in Jimin’s shaking fingers.

- Nothing feels right, he feels listless,  skin feels itchy laying over the bit of pudge, he’s gotten since he came here and started eating 2 square meals and snacks every day. The tensegrity over his bones, never quite able to stretch, out the hot sun on his back. He feels sharp, his mind teetering on the edge of something he dosent understand. 

- And like an idiot, he tries to ignore it.

- Jimin gets to his breaking point a day later- when you finally turn in from outside. It’s hot, and Jimin feels overheated and sticky with sweat, but he doesn't feel like he can leave yet and take a shower like he so desperately wants.  One of the hybrids gave him a weird look when he was showering mid-day yesterday and he’d like to avoid that again if he can. 

- Most of the hybrids wait until after dinner to shower but Jimin didn’t want to deal with vying for hot water. It was just another thing that made him frustrated. And he’s unsure if he’s more frustrated at the hybrid or at himself for making another social miss-step.

- It hits him there in your kitchen the reason why he’s so frustrated. He’s been here for a little over a month now and still- still he dosent understand the rules, the socal rules are still escaping him just as much the physical ones. In his old home- he got a shower whenever time allowed it- here it was seen as lazy to take one before the day’s work was truly done. 

- There is sweat dripping down his back even as you get both him and Yoongi a glass of ice water from the pitcher on the table. “Do you want some watermelon?” Jimin shakes his head, unsure why he’s refusing when hunger aches in his belly.  But someone else might want the watermelon on the table, someone else might need it so Jimin can’t have it- can’t intrude any more than he already does. He might break another fucking rule- it’s better, isn’t it? to just not take up space and resources when he can avoid it. 

- “I could reheat some of the food from this morning if you’d rather have that? or we could make something else before dinner?” you proffer, washing your hands in the sink, running over them with the brush to get the dirt out from under your nails. 

- “No you don’t have to” he answers too quickly. You let the silence sit for a moment before you’re turning to Jimin, And he feels something that feels suspiciously like fear spark and itch underneath his skin. You look a little put-out, biting on your lower lip and for some reason it makes him feel even worse. Which doesn’t make any sense- 

- Why would you be upset that you can’t help a dumb puppy like Jimin? who can barely garden right let alone do anything like a normal fucking non-damaged hybrid could do. He’s not Namjoon, gorgeous tall and capable Namjoon, or even like Yoongi who doesn't even talk but finds himself more needed than even Jimin- the most replicable hybrid on the farm. 

- Why does he feel like he needs to placate you- why don’t you just fucking get it already. You dry your hand on a towel and lean back against the sink. Jimin takes a deep sip of the ice water but finds it makes him feel sick. “What’s wrong?” you proffer gentle and kind.

- “Nothing’s wrong,” he says, he sets the water down too hard and he tries to turn away but you don’t let him, grabbing his wrist. “Jimin,” you say, and he doesn’t know if it’s a plead or a command from you. Maybe if you did command him Jimin would understand better, would know what you wanted better than all of this- all of this assuming that drives him crazy. 

- He rolls his wrist out of your grip, suddenly whirling around, his voice a growl. “Would you just leave it- fuck- I’m fine,”  Jimin can hear dimly, the footsteps above which must be Yoongi. Pausing and then rushing when he hears Jimin’s elevated voice.

- You pause for a moment, picking your words carefully “Jimin, you don’t seem okay- I know something’s been bothering you. Come talk to me about it, tell me about it,” Jimin’s scoff feels acrid in his lungs. “No thanks, don’t want to feel like more of a burden than I already am.”

- You recoil- shocked “Jimin what? you really think that? you’re not at all! please don’t think that, don’t think that you’re a burden! We love you- we care about you- we’re just worried”

- Jimin shakes his head, angry, he’s not even sure why he’s fucking angry,  “You don’t love me” Maybe it’s the frustration, the frustration at all the heavy looks and all the kindness- none of which Jimin knows how to interpret or how to decipher. 

- He dosent know why he said it- even though deep down he’s sure it’s true. He knows you love him. And suddenly the words are spilling out of him along with all of the fear and anxiety and petty anger. Even though deep down Jimin knows that he really doesn’t have anything to be angry about

- “I hate when you walk on eggshells like I’m going to go fucking awol because I can’t fucking adjust to living like this- and then go on treating me with so much affection like I fucking deserve it.” 

- “Jimin- you’re not- we don’t walk on eggshells around you because we want to keep you far away, we do it because we want you to feel comfortable, we don’t want to force anything on you-” 

- “Force me to do what? Force me to help out even if not doing so would make me a freeloader, but if I help too much then- it sets me apart and I just don’t fit in- I’m not even like apart of everything here- when I’m fucking suffocating under what no one says- no one tells me. So what? What can you possibly say that will help? That won’t hurt?”

- For once, you fall silent. Your hands drop, and Jimin feels the guilt swell up, strengthening to a crescendo before he falls falls falls and has nothing but the anger to comfort him, even as tears cloud his vision. 

- “You treat me like this- like I’m fucking worth anything at all and it drives me crazy- I’m not like you- You ask me to confide in you but you wouldn’t fucking understand if I tried- I’m the fucking dregs of what anyone wants and I’m never going to be like the others- I’ve already fallen too far behind and you might as well give up-” 

- “Jimin” its Namjoon at the door, his voice full of caution, not anger- Jimin expects anger but when he looks up all he sees in Namjoon biting his lower lip and looking like he’s about to cry. He reaches out to try and touch him but Jimin flinches back, namjoon freezes, eyes wide and worried. Jimin’s tail drops low, and he pushes past Namjoon without a second thought, leaving you there- you let out a strangled aborted noise in your throat. 

- His beat-up second-hand shoes thud against the wooden steps and the adrenaline is still firing in his system telling him to get away from you. Namjoon calls his name and he breaks out into a run across the field, his ankles almost failing when he stumbles in some of the holes. The tears in his eyes burning as he runs and runs and runs. 

- I’m never going to be like them, I’m too damaged for a life like this, I’m never going to understand how to function because- because I wasn’t raised like them. And it’s too late to learn- it’s too late for the life he wants- even though he never wanted it until they showed him what life could be like.  

- Jimin feels terribly alone. 

- Taehyung finally finds Jimin in the paddocks, deep in the barn with a baby lamb in his lap. It’s little soft pink and white body sitting in Jimin’s lap. Docile at his pets even as the hybrid sniffles, nibbling cutely at his fingers. He puts a hand on Namjoon’s arm, wordlessly telling him to stay behind with Seokjin. “Thanks for getting us Jin” Jimin hears him whisper. Even if he dosent sit up or stand to acknowledge his bunkmate's presence. 

- “That looks a little nasty,” Taehyung says, gesturing at Jimin’s hand. He’d fallen on his mad run, his knuckles grazing the ground. And they’re a little bloody and dirty. It’s not that bad though- Jimin has felt worse pain. 

- “You want to talk about it yet?” 

- “No,” Jimin says too quickly, worried that Taehyung would leave and also- that he would stay. “But I think I should?” The little lamb seems to tire of Jimin’s restless pets and migrates over to Taehyungs lap.  “Where were you before you came here Tae?” in all his weeks at the farm Jimin has never asked Taehyung about his own origin story. But the hybrid dosent look surprised or unwilling. The lamb lets out a little bleat. 

- “You know the story probably, its the same one a lot of us rare breeds have- rich family- bought me as a present for their youngest son- never knew my parents, you know- the classic hybrid trifecta of angst” 

- “I didn’t know my parents either,” they shift to sit back against the wall of the barn. “How did you end up here?” 

- “He wasn’t always violent, but by the time his parents realized it had gotten out of hand, they barely cared he was hurting me only that I bit him back- they didn’t tolerate it and sold me to a circus.” Taehyung gets a faraway look in his eyes. 

-“I refused to perform, and they put me out in the sun without food or water until I agreed, I escaped within the first week, they didn’t realize that the chain was rusty enough for a hybrid to break.” Tae’s softness has always been disarming, but Jimin has also seen the bear hybrid lift 50-pound bags of flour like they weighed nothing. 

- Jimin thinks about his next words carefully, “Do you ever, think it would have been better if you stayed? sometimes I think I deserved it.” Taehyung’s inhale is jagged- “No- Jimin- you shouldn’t- you didn’t deserve what you got I promise you” 

- Jimin looks down and tries not to feel upset because- he feels like he deserved it even if Taehyung is telling him he didn’t. The bear hybrid has never lied to him and maybe, just maybe Jimin didn't- maybe he really hadn’t deserved it.

- “I don’t miss it not really- but- sometimes I think- my body does or maybe my head? It’s hard to explain.” Jimin knows Taehyung is trying. Tae puts his arm around Jimin’s shoulder, his wide hands rubbing up and down Jimin’s spine.  Jimin tucks his face close to his knees and lets Tae touch him. The repetitive pets feel nice. 

- “Why do I feel so scared Tae? Why is everything so hard? why do I feel like I don’t deserve anything good? There are so many things that I don’t understand or don’t know- so many things I never even knew I didn’t know.”

- “I think I might know someone who understands how you’re feeling Minnie.”

- Jimin tries to turn away when Taehyung leads him up to the front porch where you sit with Yoongi, but his hand is strong on the back of Jimin’s neck. Jimin is a little startled to see Yoongi’s hand withdraw from yours quickly. “It’s okay Yoongi, wanna give us a minute?” you say, standing along with him as Jimin rises on the steps, hands clenched by his side. 

- Neither of you talks, Jimin can’t look up to meet your eyes. Taehyung and Yoongi sigh at the same time. “I left some of my beekeeping gear down at the bottom of the hill- if you help me carry it up I’ll give you some honey?” Yoongi scoffs but shows a small smile as Tae turns and starts off with him down the hill. Yoongi sends Jimin a single pitying glance before he does. 

- “I think the squash is probably done cooking by now, Come inside.” The ground floor of the farmhouse is empty but filled with a mild sweet scent. All of the other vegetables are already set out, The carrot, celery, And onion already chopped. It doesn't look like there's enough to feed the whole farm and Jimin is about to ask when you clarify. “I thought it would be better if we all ate together tonight, and this soup is a little specialty of mine.”

- You go to the cellar door and opening it. “Go downstairs, look at the floor- and tell me what you see.” Jimin listens- he’s always been good at following instructions. 

- The cellar smells musty and cold he’s careful not to trip over the extension cords that wind down the stairs, the industrial-sized freezers and refrigerators hum and buzz. There is a barely-there stain in the concrete, rust-colored, fading like someone had tried to wash it away but hadn’t been able to it. 

- “Why is there a bloodstain on your floor?” Jimin says as he comes up the stairs, taking them two at a time. You're just stirring vegetables in the pan. “iI’s mine,” you say, turning the heat down and covering it. Jimin's breath catches. You start fiddling with the other burner, “You’re not the only one who's been through some shit Jimin,” 

-“Who hurt you- when.” Yimin pulls out a place for you at the prep table and you make a noise when you see his bloody hand, “my late husband,” Jimin's eyes hover on your stomach for a second before you flinch, turning away to retrieve the first aid kit from below the sink.

- “Why did he hurt you?” Jimin asks as you pull his hand close to you to rest on the table, carefully and gently dabbing at the broken skin with a cool cloth to clear away the dirt. You’re so gentle that It barely stings. A lock of hair falls in front of your face, and Jimin reaches across the table to tuck it behind your ear. 

- “Honestly? I have no idea. Maybe some people are made rotten- maybe it’s easier to hurt others than hurt- but regardless- I hate him- hated him- But I also loved him at one point. And I think- until Namjoon came- I honestly was dependent on his approval, did you feel dependent on your old owner?”

- “Every day. I don’t miss him- I hate him too- but” Jimin’s hands are shaking when he looks down at them. ou steady them a little- rubbing ointment into the scrapes “I think that I miss understanding everything that was going to happen, knowing what my purpose was.” 

- Your face is shadowed and dark as you keep working- you might not be able to fix Jimin’s mind- but you can help this- the wounds on his body that ache in time with the pulse of his heart. “People like us- we miss abuse because we get dependent on it- because it ran your life and now- you can’t make any choices without-” 

- “Without thinking you’re making the wrong one because choices have consequences and now they don’t- not really- not in the same way. It was like that for you too?” you nod, starting putting bandaids across Jimin’s knuckles. The onions in the pan smell good and start to sizzle. Jimin is almost breathless when he asks- cuz now you’ve helped him put it together he needs to know “How did you get out- how did you learn?” 

-“Namjoon was really patient with me, he gave me what I needed without letting me fall back into the cycle- I’m lucky to have him.”  We’re lucky to have you, he wants to say, he’s never heard of a human who had been through the kind of abuse that hybrids do. But he thinks that maybe it would be wrong to say especially after the words he’d shouted at you. He winces, and you look up from his hand worried you’d hurt him. “I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier- you didn’t deserve it.” 

- You shrug, “We’ve been expecting you to be okay- and I’m sorry- I should have been more communicative. It’s kinda been a hard transition for you and I should have been there to help more.” 

- “Why does doing what I want not feel free all the time? Why do the choices make me feel like im suffocating?” 

- “Because if you don’t have a choice- you can’t make a wrong move.

- “Did you know- neither Namjoon or I can go into that basement without having a panic attack? There are other things too- like if something comes at his face too quick he growls- even if it's me. The smell of motor oil makes him feel sick and I still have nightmares- We’re still learning. The people we love don’t negate our trauma, but it helps at least when they try to understand it with us.” 

- You set the last bandaid over his nuckles, and he reaches out to grasp at yours and give it a squeeze. You take his hand and lift it to your mouth all of the scrapes covered. You press a kiss to each bandaid and Jimin feels like he’s going to cry for a whole different reason- he feels so undeserving of your care and of your affection, especially after today. 

- “I want to help you Jimin- I care about you too much not to try and make you happy,” Jimin can’t argue- not like he did before when he was too anxious not to perceive anything close to him as an attack. “What do you want? There are no wrong answers” 

-“I want-” before he can answer, Namjoon and Yoongi walk through the door, the younger hybrid prattling to yoongi about the restorations currenly underway at once of the little chicken coops on the sothern edge-  and then he looks back at you- your face a little tired, but truly truly imploring, Jimin feels a strange kind of acrid black hope lurch in his belly. 

- Both of them smiling softly, Namjoon saying something and Yoongi nodding while makeing a so-so motion with his hands. When Namjoon looks up and sees the two of you sat on the kitchen table his tail wags and then falls still, then wags again when he sees both you and Jimin sitting close. Your hands still tightly clasped in each other. 

- “I want to help you cook- can you show me how you make the soup?” Jimin lies. But you don’t catch it, even as you smile at him, and reach your hand up to touch his ears. Pull gentle scratches over them. “That we can definitely do,” you say. Namjoon and Yoongi don’t look upset with Jimin when they come close, Yoongi opening up the pan on the burner and sniffing the air. making a pleased noise in the back of his throat, “squash soup” you clarify and Yoongi smiles.

- Namjoon lifts Jimin’s hand up for inspection, “You okay?” Namjoon asks, his tail hanging low, he doesn't like to see the younger hurt- doesn't like the shyness lingering. “No,” Jimin says quietly, “But I will be,”

- Namjoon pulls him up with a whine, scent-marking along Jimin's shoulder- the other hybrid freezes and then whines when Namjoon’s scent puffs up fanning out to comfort Jimin. The other hybrid is so much larger than him, he makes Jimin feel so small. Namjoon’s hands on both of his shoulders holding him still. Jimin is breathless even after Namjoon pulls away with a faint blush on his cheeks- because Jimin- Jimin smells like Namjoon now.

- Every hybrid is going to know what Namjoon did that when he walks out. And it’s intimate- so intimate- because hybrids the only scent mark each other when they- Jimin's breath catches in his throat- when they belong to the same pack.

- That means Namjoon wants Jimin to belong here. 

- “Can I-” Jimin knows his face is bright red, “Do me?” Namjoon proffers, and though Namjoon has to stoop for Jimin to rub his cheek all over Namjoon he does and looks happy, his dimples poking out. 

- “What do I smell like?” Jimin asks, because honestly- he’s never known- never had another hybrid scent mark him. “Something flowery but more like- citrusy?” Namjoon says, taking in a deep breath at Jimin’s throat that makes a shiver run down his spine.

- Yoongi makes a noise and holds out a lemon- tapping it for a moment and nodding sagely, The visual makes you all giggle. You smile too, “What do I smell like?”

- “Flowers,” Namjoon says instantly, at the same time Jimin says, “Peonies... and cream?” Namjoon blushes- gesturing at your stomach, “that wasn’t there before- yeah” his dimples are so pronounced when he absently rubs a hand over your bump, You can't resist getting up on your tippy-toes to peck them. 

- Jimin learns that even though he had asked you to teach him how to make butternut squash soup, that didn’t mean you were going to let him do any of the work involved. You explain how to do everything sure- but Jimin is banished to sit at the table with namjoon and watch. 

- You and Yoongi cook, dancing around each other in a dance that seems almost choreographed. You must cook together often because Yoongi seems to anticipate your movement, handing you a wooden spoon to stir the vegetables. 

 - Namjoon pulls him back to lean against his chest facing where you cook, Namjoon’s back up against the wall the older hybrid combing his hands through Jimin's hair. Jimin would think it was weird had he not seen countless other hybrids cuddle the same),

-  Yoongi brings Jimin spoonfuls which he presses to Jimin's lips and makes him taste. And Jimin wants to yip when the savory tang of the soup hits his tongue, makes a happy grumble as his eyes flutter closed. “Wait- that's so good- how is it so good?” you look happy at his praise. 

- When it’s finished, the four of you eat out on the porch. Jimin licks his bowl clean, he catches Yoongi watching him, a small satisfied smile on his mouth, he even gets up and gives Jimin seconds. The warm soup fills his belly like liquid comfort. and after so many bowls he ends up listing to the side, nose pressed to the hard part of your shoulder, lulled further to sleep by the rub of your fingers up and down his skull.

 -The kitchen starts to buzz with the noise of dinner preparations but jimin is full and happy, his sun-warmed skin soothed by the dropping temperature. You don't say anything when he starts to cry, his face hidden in your shirt, you just keep running your fingers through his hair scratching his ears. Namjoon and yoongi get up and go upstairs, leaving the two of you to sit side by side. 

- No one hears the words you whisper into Jimin's ear, “You’re not broken beyond repair Minnie, help me- help me fix you- tell me what I can do to make things easier for you.” 

- Jimin's eyes are half-lidded when he opens them, “Can you just- tell me things? Not order me- I’m not asking for you to like- control me- but I think if you just all told me what you want it would be better- take out the guesswork you know?”

- Jimin is so sleepy Namjoon ends up having to carry him back down to the bunks. his strong hands gripping Jimin under his thighs The smaller hybrid on his back, Jimin’s hands around Namjoon's neck. The younger hybrid nuzzling his nose into Namjoon's shoulder to get more of the pine scent on himself. They pause on the steps. The last thing Jimin is aware of is a puff of your scent and soft lips on his hairline.  He wakes up in his bed the next day, his pillows smelling like Namjoon. His bunkmates give him strange looks. 

- The next few days are better, and slowly but surely, the anxiety he’d felt dissipates. You give Jimin little moments to latch onto. the Stability of clearly communicated consent. You say “sit next to me” when dinner comes. Yoongi and Tae across from you at the table. “It makes me feel better the more you eat- I like seeing you full and chubby Minnie” 

- The other hybrids help too- so you must have told them. Namjoon brings Jimin one of his old button-downs, a thick flannel that smells like the other hybrid. “This is too small on me now- so here- it’s yours.”

“Enjoying your courting gifts? Taehyung teases after he sees Jimin wearing it, making the younger splutter, “this? a courting gift?” Tae shrugs, “that's the only reason why he would give you something of his to wear- and both of us know it the alpha of a pack that initiates the courting.” 

- The clearly communicated wants and desires do wonders for his level of comfort. Even Yoongi tries- writes down what he wants on a napkin at dinnertime. I want to help you in your garden today. No offering for Jimin to decline, no wiggling out of it. And slowly, Jimin finds himself becomes more comfortable with his place here. 

- You try to keep the satisfied smile off your face when one day you ask Jimin to come up to the house- cuz it’s just too hot today- and he’s struggling to put together a trellis, “one second, I want to finish this before dinner” and he sits up with a jolt- realizing- he’d actually articulated his own wants for once, he’d asserted his own wants into a conversation instead of just- reacting to everyone else's. 

- Your satisfied smile warms his heart too, you notice the slow change. jimin beginning to heal. “no- I don’t need that it’s okay” “yes you do jimin just take the fancy soap,”

- “Are you sure it’s okay if i-” “Yes it is I promise.”

- The change is slow but one day, He gets to the point where he can say “Tae and I are going to go try and find some berry patches down by the river so I’m going to meet him after we get done with the ground cherries” without fear

- Jimin takes a bucket and he brings back a quart of wild blueberries. You make blueberry muffins with them while Tae, Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin sit at the prep table. Yoongi carefully plucks thorns out of Taehyungs hand as Namjoon tells Jimin that even though Yoongi can cook- you’re the only one in the house that can bake. He even gets a pat on the head for his work and a soft “good boy” from you, and it makes Jimin's heart feel light and blooming like a flower. 

- The afternoons stop making him anxious, and after the first few days, he’s inclined to relax rather than go in search of more work. He goes to visit Taehyung by the bee hutches, hovering a few meters away as Taehyung brings him a spoonful of honey. Or if he dosent feel like doing anything at all- he plays cards with you and Yoongi on your back porch, Namjoon too- if he finds out that you’ve all turned in for the day. 

- Yoongi always wins during the afternoon card games. Whether it is poker or rummy the snake hybrid comes out on top- even when it’s something like Uno, and the elder will just shuffle the cards again for another round and smile a little, more than he does ever. And the three of you will shout and grumble in dismay when he shows his winning hand, round after round until dinner preparations start to pick up enough for someone to need help.  

- One afternoon, you look so sweet in your loose taupe frock, the stretchy material pulled over your belly and your hair free from its fixings spilling over your shoulder Jimin sees the way that Namjoon has his palm placed against your round stomach and can’t stop himself from asking. 

- “Can I?” Jimin asks, and you look up from your hand of cards and place them on the table before taking Jimin’s in yours, and oh, your baby bump is warm and soft and surprisingly more solid then Jimin expected. He wasn’t expecting to immediately feel like he was going to burst into tears, but he feels an incredible well of fondness well up in him. It must have something to do with the way that your peony and cream scent seems to tug at his heart like strings on a marionette. 

- He wants to lean forward and press a kiss there- or nuzzle it and scent mark it the way he knows Namjoon does- but even that feels like too much. You must know what Jimin is wanting as you look down at him, smiling a little even as he blushes. 

-  Little does Jimin know that this is nothing particularly new to you, every time Namjoon gets a whiff of your pregnancy hormones- he’s gotten simultaneously possessive and cloudy eyed with protectiveness. Yoongi seems to be the only one who doesn’t have that reaction. But you bet he’s spared that particular embarrassment by his admittedly more human sense of smell.

- The rest of them don’t notice Jimin’s wave of emotions, or at least they pretend to be interested enough in the third round of hearts that you’ve played this evening. Though Jimin does catch a small smile on Namjoon’s face when Jimin scoots closer. Reluctant to let go now that he’s felt the soft pleasure of feeling your baby bump.

-  The endorphin response alone has his voice husky, he’s a goner the second you lift your hand up and rub his ears, letting out a whine and putting his cards away- much more interested in begging affection off of you now.  

- “How far along are you?” “Around 5 months now I think- nearly 6 now that I think about it.”

- The four of you decide to eat dinner out on the patio instead of joining the others in the barn. The older cat hybrid sees how slumped you are and how you’re near to sleeping on Namjoon’s shoulder, and brings the four of you out dinner plates, much to the thanks of Namjoon and Jimin, Yoongi nods gratefully when she hands over his plate. 

-  By the time Jimin reluctantly so steers his way back towards the barns, the common room lights have finally turned out. A lone fox hybrid sleeps on the couch in the common room, her head tipped back and the light from the tv blue across her face. 

- He goes up to his bunk bed, the other hybrids sleeping soundly around him, perplexed to find his bed disturbed, his pillow gone and his blanket missing from his bed. He figured someone might not have wanted to get up to grab one from the linen closet downstairs, but when he goes down to the ground floor he finds it empty, not uncommon on a cold night like tonight. Jimin’s bare feet are already feeling the brunt of the cold stones, and the cozy but still slightly drafty barn. 

- He goes up and notices that the hybrid that shares the bunk to the left is the one that’s taken his blanket. “Hey give it back” Jimin hisses hushed, fighting with the half-asleep hybrid whose eyes still haven’t opened, he’s clutching the extra warmth to his chest. “I need that to sleep” the dog hybrid on the bunk above them grumble and turn over in his sleep. 

- Jimin puts a hand on his shoulder to really wake him, The hybrid, a wolf hybrid named Minhyung, wakes up with a start, arms already swinging, his foot kicks out at Jimin’s stomach.  The sudden violent reaction tosses him onto the floor with a thump, waking those in the vicinity.

- Jimin tries not to let the stinging feeling invade too much even as his ass goes numb, and he flushes with anger, especially when one of the others whose woken by the brief scramble laughs at Jimin. Minhyung does too, looking barely contrite with half his hair messy and a little bit of drool on his cheek. 

- Minhyung smiles showing his teeth. “Thought you’d be warming up that snake boy by now. Have fun sleeping in the cold.” He says, and turns to his side, ignoring Jimin. Jimin tries not to feel ashamed or rejected or any of the other nasty emotions singing in his chest at the indifference of the other hybrids in his bunk.  

- A glance at Taehyung’s bunk, the only one who might come to his aid, confirms both that the bear hybrid was the only one without an extra blanket and is also still asleep. 

- Jimin doesn’t even stop to think, he just knows that he doesn’t want to stay here on the bed, feeling cold and alone and like everyone in that room hates him. Feeling his head spinning, and his heart thudding erratically, he leaves the bunkroom and the barn and stops just outside. The cold is worse here and he tugs his fluffy cardigan around his shoulders before he starts walking slowly up the hill to the main house. 

- The lights on the ground floor are all but turned off, but the glowing he can see in the living space foretells that of a television. He deliberates on the front porch for a second, wondering If he should even bother, momentarily worried that you’ll keep him out in the cold too. 

-But he shivers and hopes beyond hope that you won't. And when he knocks on the door it's only a few seconds before he can hear someone get up. It’s not nearly enough time for him to think of a good excuse as to why he can’t sleep in his own bunk. 

- It’s Yoongi that answers, bundled up in a pair of very warm flannel pajamas and a sweater, his hair curling against the nape of his neck from a fresh shower. The bright green tartan does wonders for Yoongi’s scales, making the ones on the back of his neck look brilliant even in the half-light of the porch. He’s a little wide-eyed and taken aback by Jimin’s presence, but he waits for Jimin to speak.

- “The others- they-” Jimin’s words fail him at the worse time, throat closing off into a whine, his ears pressed into his skull. “Is it okay if I sleep up here tonight?” Yoongi’s eyes are dark and half-lidded, but he steps aside instantly nonetheless. Jimin slips into the warmth of the house closing the door behind him.  

- There is an old fashion black and white movie playing on the tv but Yoongi clicks it off and goes into the ground floor bathroom. Making a noise for Jimin to follow, he rummages around in a drawer and pulls out a toothbrush and a washcloth for Jimin to use to wash his face and leaves Jimin to wash up in peace. And comes back a few minutes later lugging a blanket with too many cords to seem logical.  

- Jimin realizes what it is when Yoongi fluffs it out on the couch and a wave of Yoongi’s scent- like the crackle of heat and something that kind of smells a lot like marshmallows fluffs towards him- Yoongi’s scent. Taehyung’s words about courting gifts suddenly ring in his ears.  

- “Yoongi, I can’t take one of your heated blankets on the coldest night of the season” Jimin protests. But Yoongi just shakes his head, putting his hand on his chest while keeping eye contact with Jimin meaningfully, then pushing his palm to the floor. jimin takes it to mean “I don’t need it.” 

- Yoongi ignores Jimin’s protests and stoops to plug it into a surge protector anyway. The couch, which already has a pillow on it, looks even more inviting now.  

- Jimin feels like a broken record uttering thank you after thank you even as Yoongi heads towards the landing, and up to where his room must be in the house, after nodding what must have been a goodnight at Jimin. 

- The couch is so comfortable that jimin gets cozy quickly (even if it is a little squishy). His heart feels a little heavy with the events of the day. He’s sure you’ll ask in the morning, and probably Namjoon too. He falls asleep easily, sighing into the warmth of the blanket as it heats up. 

- A story above, in the master bathroom, you’re pressing giggles and kisses into Namjoon’s bare chest. “Oh my god - we have to sleep it’s so late,” you already can tell waking up tomorrow at the crack of dawn is going to be brutal, but you can’t help it, Namjoon looks so soft and fluffy. He’s punch drunk and smiley with his hair ruffled at the back from the countless times you’ve tugged on it or ran your fingers through it in the past few hours.

-  He nuzzles into your shoulder and hums. A strong arm clung over your waist that draws circles over the spot where your baby bump meets your hip. He pulls you snug against him, always closer- as close as he can physically get you. 

- Namjoon whines, he never wants to sleep when it’s you in his bed- or more correctly- him in yours. Though it’s been months since he even thought about sleeping in his old room downstairs, and months since it was unoccupied by Yoongi. 

- The only good thing about going to sleep is that he gets to wake up to you. The thought always has him going to sleep like a kid on Christmas, almost too excited to sleep at all. What a dichotomy love was, making you soothed and calm and at the same time too elated to dream at all.

- You try to get out of bed, prompting immediate grabby hands and a low whine that tapers off into a growl from his throat. You're immune to his display of possessiveness, and it only makes him melt into the sheets further. “Oh you big puppy,” you tease happily in response to his whines, Tying your fluffy pink robe around your waist concealing your nakedness as you head downstairs for a glass of water and leave the door open.

- Namjoon whines again with no one to hear and burrows into the warmth you left, getting impatient pretty quickly, kicking his feet a little when he presses his nose to your pillow and gets a particularly strong wif of your scent. his tail thwacking against the covers. 

- The ground floor is dark, almost dark enough that you don’t see Jimin asleep on your couch. The blanket all but making him blend in. You only see him when you are already on the way back. 

- You’re not exactly surprised to see him asleep on your couch as he hadn’t exactly looked like he wanted to leave earlier but there is something about the tense pull of his eyebrows that tell you there must be some deeper reason why he’s here. Oh well, you’ll find out in the morning, for now, you’ll let him sleep. 

- The whining behind you and the sheer familiarity for Namjoon’s body is the thing alone that keeps you from being startled when his arms snake around your waist to rest on your baby bump. Namjoon stills for a second when he sees the figure on the couch. Jimin’s blonde curls puffed against the pillow, his thick lips pouting in his sleep. 

- “Yoongi must have let him in.” Namjoon murmurs over your shoulder into your ear, hushed so as to not wake him, you make a noise in the back of your throat in agreement taking in the delicacy’s of Jimin’s face as he sleeps, unable to resist running the back of your hand softly over the top of his cheekbones. 

- They’re so much fuller than they used to be you notice appreciatively. Brushing over his puckered lips, finally pushing back the blonde curls at the top of his head and running through his hair a little. Jimin tilts his face up, his cheeks flushed, Plush lips parting in a sigh as he chases your hand, needy for affection even in sleep. His ears twitching in the direction of your movement. 

-  “He’s so cute” you murmur. Namjoon stifles his laugh in your shoulders. “Yes” he agrees, his hands tugging on your waist, “now stop ogling the pretty pup and come to bed with me.” You grumble something like “you’re ogling too” but let Namjoon pull you back upstairs.  

- On the couch, Jimin sleepily opens his eyes to the darkroom, hearing the thud of your retreating footsteps on the creaking steps.  unsure of what he just heard was a dream or reality, the tide of sleep quickly pulling him down. The memory of the moment to be lost in his dreams by the next morning.  

- When the four of you wake in the morning, it’s too a muffled shriek on your front doorstep. One moment namjoon is asleep curled around you and the next he’s vaulting down the stairs in only his pajama bottoms. Hauling opens the front door, splattering blood everywhere before Jimin can do more than stir and rub at his eyes. 

- “Jesus what the fuck!” Jimin cries, rushing to the door while Namjoon blinks, Still half asleep and barely awake. One of the cat hybrids that usually come to cook has fallen back against the steps, disgust roiling in her face, hand against her heart in shock. “I promise it wasn’t me I just- I just was gonna get breakfast early and I came up and it was already there”  

- Namjoon turns to the door, touching his face where the blood sticks smearing it against his cheek. Yoongi skitters down the stairs after Namjoon, socked feet sliding on the floor. 

- “Fuck-” Namjoon growls out- turning to Yoongi, “don’t- Yoongi you shouldn’t-”  Yoongi makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat, goes pail,  and Jimin makes the split-second decision, turning to him to block his view and asking him to go get a rag from the bathroom to wipe the blood off of Namjoon’s face. Anything to get him away from this. 

- You're standing bleary-eyed at the top of the stairs in your Pajamas, “What is it Joon? what's wrong?”  None of them knows how to say it, or what to say. 

- Its blood has dripped down the blue chipped paint of the door and pooled on the porch beneath- its scales black and pearly just like Yoongi’s. 

- On your front door, a dead snake hangs, gutted. It’s head nailed to the wood. 

My Kofi

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

How’ve you never been a Draco anti? Just cause he was a teenager doesn’t mean he had the right to make disgusting racist comments and do other ignorant shit. Age is just a number. I don’t mean that in a creepy sexualising way or anything but there’s never an age where it’s okay or acceptable to be racist and just be a terrible person overall. Sorry I’m all for respecting opinions and whatever but I really can’t comprehend how you apparently didn’t go anti for him. You called him insufferable in the Malfoy TLSQ but that wasn’t even him at his worst 😒

(Going under the cut, this became a #LongPost)

Did I say that? I don't doubt it but I have no memory of this and I don't really think I'd agree with that description anyway. Because he really wasn't insufferable during that quest, you're right. He was pretty spoiled for sure, and if anything I was pleased to see that side of him which the films could occasionally downplay. Like, don't get me wrong, Jason Isaacs is amazing, but he has specifically talked about his motivation during interviews, how he wanted to build sympathy for Draco by being such a cruel father. Which is just...not the kind of dynamic Lucius and Draco had, and I've talked about this before, but Lucius abusing Draco is just very out-of-character if you ask me. It's also the secret backstory of every cheesy Draco redemption fanfic ever and by no means is that limited to his character, but he's a prominent example of the trope. Ben Solo is another.

As far as the books go, Draco is another character like Snape where he gets downplayed. In the early books, he was such a pain in the ass, but I never took him seriously as a threat even as a child. I knew enough about bullying to recognize how small he felt on the inside. In no way does this make it okay for him to behave the way he does in books 1-5, I'm just saying that he was scarcely a character that I would even argue earned the title of "villain." He was Harry's school rival. The worst thing he did, by far, was the entire framing of Buckbeak. Painting this narrative of him being the innocent victim of a savage monster, with Hagrid as the negligent fool who let it happen. Draco felt humiliated and wanted revenge, and he saw an opportunity to try and get Hagrid fired. And amazingly, despite an entire classroom of witnesses who can verify that Hagrid did everything by the books and that Draco's own arrogance got him just a minor scratch....he is still, even next year, telling people like Rita Skeeter about the Hippopriff attack. How is he getting away with that? Well, I say this, and then I remember that the man behind the "Anti Vaccine" study had his license revoked after it was debunked and yet he continued to give lectures about the dangers of vaccines...

Boy, I'm getting off topic. Draco's character just doesn't bother me that much because I don't take him seriously. The Buckbeak Incident was his worst moment by far, but he remains a stagnant character for the first five books. And god damn, how can I not empathize with him starting in Half Blood Prince? Voldemort selects him for a mission that he fully expects to result in his death, all to punish Lucius. It is made very clear to Draco that he must murder his school Headmaster, Albus freaking Dumbledore. I have already on many occasions, documented how much this world reveres him as an all powerful, omniscient force of nature. I doubt I need to reiterate just how daunting and impossible this task would and did start to feel for Draco. But the consequences for failure were plainly stated. Either Dumbledore had to die, or Draco and his parents would die. He was all of sixteen years old, and he was cornered by Voldemort, when his family was already deeply involved with the Death Eaters.

I hold nothing against Draco for any choice he made in HBP. What was he supposed to do? He was trapped. He had no reason to trust Snape or Dumbledore, and they were probably his only lifelines. Even if he had managed to escape Voldemort, his parents would still have been in danger. Dumbledore offers them protection up in the Astronomy Tower, but how does Draco know he's telling the truth? How does he know that to be a promise that Dumbledore can keep? In the end, he couldn't do it. He didn't have it in him to take Dumbledore's life. Despite all that pressure on him. I think that means something. The stress of trying to carry out the mission was making him physically ill. Oh, and this was the year that Harry hit him with Secumsempra. Probably the stupidest thing Harry ever did, and I'd say it leaves them even for Ron and the poisoned mead, however indirectly. After Snape kills Dumbledore, Draco just tries to keep his head down. All he can do is nod or shake his head whenever Voldemort addresses him at Death Eater meetings.

When The Golden Trio is captured and taken to Malfoy Manor...Draco's fear, and his growing moral conflict, show themselves again. He cannot commit to identifying Harry, even though we're meant to assume he knew damn well that it was Harry. Now, sure. You can argue that he wanted to wait and be absolutely sure before they went as far as summoning Voldemort. Or you can argue that he just didn't want Voldemort to show up because he was frightened of him. I think that's more likely. Because Harry under a stinging hex is one thing, but Hermione? When asked if Hermione was who they thought she was, he once again gives an evasive "Yeah, it could be." Like it's not clear as day. Draco flip-flops a lot during Deathly Hallows. He does try to capture Harry during the Battle of Hogwarts...and a childhood best friend dies before his very eyes. Ultimately, Harry's choice to save Draco winds up being a positive inversion of his choice to save Wormtail. Saving Wormtail guaranteed Voldemort's return. Saving Draco, on the other hand, ensured Narcissa's cooperation, and thus, it bought enough time for Neville to kill Nagini, and doom Voldemort once and for all. Harry saving Draco made all the difference.

In canon, Draco is little more than a sleazy coward. His story echoes that of Regulus, and sometimes I like to imagine what it would be like if he had taken on a more heroic role toward the end and had a more complete redemption. That said, I don't strictly speaking, mind that he didn't. I love the image of the Malfoys just huddled together after the battle, unsure if they're welcome or not, but no one is actually sparing them a thought. I also like final shot of them in the film, where they just up and leave. That works for them. There was apparently a cut scene where Draco was supposed to throw Harry his wand and properly defect...and while that would have been pretty cool, again: He didn't need a full redemption necessarily. The books kind of ran out of time, especially since there was no eighth year. Draco was not emotionally ready to do the right thing. But he had learned enough about himself and the world to know that he was uncomfortable doing the wrong thing. It's easy to parrot the slurs you're taught from the cradle, but as you get older and are expected to start participating in hate crimes and things of the like...you might begin to realize just how fucked up it all is. Even if the realization is slow. Even if you're not brave enough to take a stand.

TL;DR: Early books Draco is annoying, but no more so than a fly. I just kind of brush him off. Late books Draco is actually a very compelling character and he has my sympathy.

[azems-familiar]

hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS

first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.

NOW. HERE WE GO.

first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:

Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion

can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.

next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:

hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell

There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten

next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?

mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man

Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for

oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.

Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight

next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan

You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel

I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled

You take me by the hand I question who I am

uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa

It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?

We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.

the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:

Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do

god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!

[riotwritesthings]

Ode to Yoga Pants

OR the continued terrible mating dance of Bucky and Tony

AKA when betting on your friends stops being fun

Title: Ode to Yoga Pants Collaborator Name: Riot Bucky Barnes Bingo Square Filled: K5, Team Dynamics StarkBucks Bingo Square Filled: O5, “I’d like it if you stayed.” Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron Rating: M Major Tags & Triggers: Mutually pining morons, humor Summary: OR the continued terrible mating dance of Bucky and Tony, AKA when betting on your friends stops being fun Word Count: 2,282

Here on AO3!

-

Tony is heading to the gym for Steve’s newly mandated team training time and yeah, he’s late, but he does have coffee. So at least he’s on brand.

It looks like everyone else has beat him here, which isn’t really surprising, and Tony tosses out a grin and wave in response to the unimpressed look Steve shoots him.

Then his eyes land on Bucky. Who is doing one armed pushups. Completely vertically, pointed toes up in the air and strands of hair falling loose around his face where it’s come loose from the hair tie. And he is in yoga pants.

They hug his calves, his ass, his thighs, tight black spandex with gray piping up sides and Tony is weak.

Forget team bonding, Tony needs to get out of here right now, before he makes a fool of himself. Except he spins too quickly, hot coffee sloshing over the rim of his mug and onto his fingers, and he’s so busy hissing over the sharp burst of pain that he walks straight into the door as it swings shut.

“Ack, fuck,” Tony gasps, more hot coffee splashing out across his hand, rubbing at his forehead and apparently he’s a little dizzy because he goes to take a step back and tilts to the side instead, bouncing off the wall.

He’s almost caught his balance, and then he trips over Sam’s stupid jump rope, and then his thighs hit the weight bench and he tumbles backwards over it, the last dregs of his coffee somehow ending up entirely on his chest.

“Damnit Wilson,” Tony grumbles, “I knew you were out to get me!”

There’s a soft chuckle from somewhere above him, and Tony pries his eyes open. He’s half expecting to see Sam, ready to defend himself and deny that he’s trying to kill Tony with workout equipment even though he very clearly is.

Instead it’s Bucky, leaning over him all shirtless and sweaty and concerned.

“You okay, doll?”

When Tony tries to speak all that comes out is a strangled gurgling sound, and Bucky’s concerned look gets deeper.

-

“Gross, they’re doing it again,” Sam complains, pausing mid situp to shoot a glare across the gym.

When Steve glances away from sparring with Natasha she takes the opportunity to pop him in the throat.

“This isn’t even funny anymore,” Natasha says while Steve coughs and hacks and gives her a dirty look.

“It stopped being funny weeks ago,” Rhodey says as he leans against the ropes of the boxing ring and shakes his head in disappointment.

“You’re just saying that because that’s when you were officially out of the betting pool,” Clint says with a snort.

“I really didn’t think it would take them this long,” he says with a morose sigh, “I’m ashamed.”

Steve makes a sound that might be agreement.

“New bet, how much worse can it possibly get?” Sam tries to joke, but he has a terrible feeling that it’s not a joke at all.

“I think we’re all the losers in that bet,” Natasha says as they all watch Bucky help a still clearly-swooning Tony out of the gym.

The poor pining morons don’t even notice they have an audience. Just like Bucky somehow doesn’t notice that Tony is literal putty in his hands, and Tony mysteriously doesn’t notice Bucky giving him the sappiest heart eyes ever.

It’s shameful, is what it is.

-

Tony lets Bucky drag him into the kitchen, sinks onto one of the stools when gently pushed in that direction, and he’s becoming uncomfortably aware that his shirt is still splattered with cooling coffee and probably clinging to his chest.

He should probably go change, and then maybe go hide out somewhere until he figures out how to deal with Bucky in yoga pants.

But before Tony can figure out how to convince his legs to actually move, Bucky is done digging around in the freezer and by his side again.

“Ow,” Tony says with an exaggerated wince as Bucky presses a bag of ice to the back of his head, and then nearly melts out of his seat when Bucky shushes him with a wide palm running down the back of his neck.

He’s not actually as rattled as Bucky seems to think he is, but Tony certainly isn’t going to correct him. It’s a much safer excuse than admitting his brain went to mush the second he saw Bucky’s thighs, all wrapped up and accentuated in tight black spandex, and it still hasn’t quite come back online.

From here, with Bucky standing beside him and gently holding his head still while Tony stares studiously at the floor, all Tony can see of Bucky is his foot. The tight black fabric ends just above the delicate bones of his ankle, his bare toes wiggling against the tile floor as he pulls the ice away and inspects Tony’s head.

Forget getting his brain working again, Tony is just trying to keep his stupid heart from crawling its way up his throat over ankles. Like some kind of repressed Puritan, Jesus.

Which means he can’t at all stop himself from nervously stuttering out “Those-those are uh, nice... you like yoga pants huh?”

There’s a vague sense of motion beside him, like Bucky is shrugging, as he says “They’re comfortable.”

“Uh huh, they-“ Tony starts to say, and then nearly swallows his tongue when Bucky steps around in front of him again.

His eyes automatically drag upwards, and it takes everything Tony has not to let himself linger, not to get caught staring at the frankly mouthwatering bulge of Bucky’s cock that his skin tight leggings are not doing a very good job of hiding.

He jerks his gaze up higher and it doesn’t help because oh god there’s Bucky’s chest, still bare and so close and by the time he finally manages to make himself look up at Bucky’s face he can’t breathe.

“They- uh, s-sure look it,” Tony stutters out, and furious blushing is totally a symptom of a concussion, right?!

Bucky’s smile stays warm and friendly, so he’s probably alright.

And all Bucky says is “You should try them! I can send you the site I got ‘em from, Nat recommended it to me.”

“Okay,” Tony squeaks and damnit he’s actually going to have to buy some yoga pants now. There’s no other way to play off his sudden fascination with them.

-

A week later, everyone has lost the bet.

They find the two morons asleep together on the couch, legs tangled and blankets wrapped around them both.

The entire team agrees it’s the most disgusting thing they’ve ever seen.

-

Steve is taking his frustrations out on a punching bag when Bucky suddenly ducks behind the bag, grabbing it and holding it still so he can hide behind it.

“What is this, why are you doing this?” Steve demands, rhythm thrown and half-debating just punching the bag anyways in the hopes that it’ll shake Bucky loose.

“Steve,” Bucky hisses, like he somehow hasn’t noticed that he already has Steve’s full attention, “Steve, I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

“What are you talking about?”

Bucky’s head pops out from around the punching bag, eyes fixed on something across the gym as he hisses “Tony bought yoga pants.”

Steve turns and sure enough, Tony and Natasha are standing near the sparring mats in matching black and gray patterned spandex.

“Does Nat get money every time she talks someone into buying those?” Steve has to wonder, because she has been relentlessly texting him the link too.

“Steve,” Bucky hisses again, “Steven. I can’t- how do I even- Steve-“

“What?!” Steve demands impatiently, because he really wants to go back to punching things, and not thinking about the awkward mating dance of his best friends.

“Look at his ass!”

Steve huffs and resists the urge to gag at the open reverence in Bucky’s tone. He does turn though, just in time to watch Tony bend over in a low stretch.

“Perfect little bubble, I just wanna bury my face in it and live there,” Bucky sighs.

“Huh,” Steve says, tilting his head a little to get a better view because damn, Bucky is not exactly wrong- “Ow!” He squawks when Bucky swings the punching bag into him, “you’re the one who told me to look!”

“Not like that!” Bucky snaps back. It looks like he’s considering hitting Steve with the punching bag again, and Steve holds up a single finger in warning.

“Do not,” he says sternly.

Bucky settles for just hugging the bag instead, gaze already drifting across the gym again. Steve has a terrible feeling he’s not going to get back to his workout.

“Please just ask him out,” Steve says plaintively, “pretend to act like a functional person.”

“How am I supposed to function when faced with The Most Amazing Ass Ever™️?!” Bucky demands, and then makes a weird whimpering sound as Tony no doubt does something. Like existing.

Steve refuses to look over, instead just sighing out “Get off my punching bag, you’re making this so weird.”

“I’m filin’ a complaint,” Bucky says, clearly not listening to him anymore and still staring with rapt attention at where Tony is apparently doing something fascinating. “These pants are supposed to be ‘super stretchy’ but they clearly did not count on boners cuz my dick is strangled.”

“Excuse me,” Steve says, already walking away, “I need to go vomit.”

Hell, next week he might skip mandatory team training.

-

Tony is laying on his stomach on the common room floor, propped up on his elbows as he pokes at his phone and kicks his feet lazily in the air.

He’s wearing bright red yoga pants today, and even Clint is not immune.

He catches himself after a couple seconds of staring at the swell and bounce of Tony’s ass, and gives himself a vigorous shake. That’s a good way to earn the Winter Soldier Death Glare.

Even if said Winter Soldier is too much of a disaster to actually do anything about his super obvious crush.

“So are yoga pants just the new thing?” Clint asks, climbing over the back of the couch and keeping his eyes safely on Tony’s face, because he does not want to be assassined to death today. “You’re just gonna wear them all the time?”

“They’re comfortable,” Tony says with an absent shrug, then grins up at Clint and wiggles his eyebrows as he adds “Plus, they make my ass look great.”

And Clint can’t exactly argue that, so instead he just flatly says “You’re going to give Barnes a heart attack.”

Tony looks confused for a split second, and then smiles widely.

“Because I pull them off so much better than he does?” he asks, striking a pose, and Clint seriously considers running away to join the circus. Again.

He’s not even sure if things will actually be better if they eventually get together at this point.

He should make that the new bet.

-

“I’m just saying,” Tony insists, and then raises his voice when Steve put his head down on the table and starts humming under his breath, “If I thought Bucky was actually interested, I would 100% be here for him. With open arms-“

“Well that’s actually kind of-“

“And open legs-“

“Tony-“

“And an open mouth,” Tony finishes, grinning and winking when Steve looks up at him with a glare.

“Tony, please, I don’t want to hear this,” Steve says, hands over his ears and he does actually look a little green.

“This is nothing,” Tony says with a scoff, giving Steve an unimpressed look, because he is weak. “You should hear the shit I say to Rhodey.”

“I would like to hear those things,” says a voice directly behind him.

Tony freezes, his entire body going cold, because he knows that low, warm, rumbling voice. He hears it in his dreams, and oh no oh no oh no, now Bucky knows.

So much for his plausible deniability.

His brain kind of goes staticy with panic for a second, and he’s only dimly aware of Steve rolling his eyes.

“Yeah my part in this conversation is done,” Steve says, and promptly bails.

When Tony’s brain finally reboots he finds that Bucky has taken Steve’s seat across the kitchen table.

Bucky is also just grinning at him, like he doesn’t find Tony’s borderline-obsessive crush at all creepy.

All Tony can think to say is “What.”

And then he realizes he doesn’t actually want an answer, doesn’t want to find out if Bucky is going to make fun of him, or if he thinks it’s all a joke. He can’t decide if that would actually be better or worse than being turned down gently, and he doesn’t intend to stay and find out.

“I’m just...” Tony sputters, face burning as he flails his way out of his chair, “Gonna- gonna go. Run away. Yep.”

“Wait,” Bucky says, eyes wide and halfway out of his own chair.

Tony freezes, because Bucky looks a lot like he feels. Thrown, surprised, confused and so hopeful that it’s terrifying.

“I-I’d like it if you stayed,” Bucky says slowly, then smiles crooked and nervous as he adds “Not that I don’t like watchin’ you walk away.”

It startles a laugh out of Tony, face flushing as he sinks back into his chair. “Okay,” he says, heart racing and smile almost painfully wide, “um, what?”

Bucky laughs, soft and low and warm, and finally finishes reaching across the table to take Tony’s hand in his own.

-

Clint wins the bet on how much worse their lives get once the love-struck morons start making out all over the place.

[mytwinklelights]

A Reunion - Part 2 | Peter Parker x Stark! GN Reader

Part 1

A/N: Oops a little late to be updating this! Sorry I’m inconsistent I’m actually quite busy atm! I’m already writing the next chapter though, so It won’t be as long unt that’s uploaded. Let me know what you think of this chapter and the series so far!

Summary: Y/N is an Avenger, the youngest Avenger. Then, Peter Parker comes along and they’re happy to finally have someone their age to hang out with, even if it was the boy they spent their senior year of high school crushing over.

Content Warnings: Swearing. Food & cooking. Let me know if I missed any others!

Genres: Friends to lovers, Stark! Reader, Frequent cameos from Avengers and them being cute, Slow burn, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2742

---

The alarm starts blaring and I have to come to the realisation that it’s a new week, another six AM start and a long day of training. I turn off the alarm and lay still for a while staring at the ceiling and starting to form a list of the things I need to do to get ready. After realising the first step is getting out of bed I very strongly contemplating going back to sleep until someone storms into my room to come and retrieve me.

My eyes instantly widen as I realise.

I am going to be training with Peter Parker today.

My body instantly springs out of bed and rushed to my bathroom. I need to look presentable. I need to be ready. I need to seem like put together human that he could maybe possibly reciprocate crush towards.

Instead of getting out of bad at the last possible moment before I would be running late, throwing on any suitable training clothes and trudging my way to the gym. Today I got ready over an extended period. I picked out my cutest training outfit and made sure to stretch and warm up before heading downstairs so I could be in my best physical shape and actually seem like a capable Avenger.

As I walk into the gym, no one is there, the lights are off, and the room is dark. I am very rarely the first one here, but I’ll take it. I switch on the lights and head to the cupboard at the back of the room to start to set up the equipment Nat usually uses for our sessions.

“Why are you here before me? I am always the first person here. And you’re setting up too? This isn’t like you”.

I turn around to see Nat entering the room and setting her training bag on the bench near the door. She looks confused as she starts to take off her jacket and walk towards me.

“I woke up really early this morning, I don’t know why, so I thought I’d get a head start” I lie. It definitely wasn’t because I’m trying to impress a Spider type superhero who will be joining us at any moment. Handing her the infamous stopwatch, which is probably my nemesis due the number of times I struggle to complete sets in the time provided.

“Oh, well that’s made my job a little easer this morning” she chuckles whilst accepting the watch and hanging it around her neck. “But you’re going to have to set up for two” she continues “Peter is joining us today”.

“Oh yeah” I vocalise acting as if that wasn’t my main motivation for getting out of bed this morning. “I completely forgot, okay I’ll grab another set of everything” I head back to the storage cupboard to collect the items.

When I enter the gym room again, I see Peter talking to Nat, smiling at me as he sees me enter the room.

“Hi” I start, as I walk towards them setting down the other sets of weights “Did you have a nice weekend?”

“Yeah, I did thanks” He replies, “Did you?”

I nod. Nat walks towards her bag and starts getting out the final pieces we need for our sessions and I continue.

“Are you ready for this week? Having your first training session with Nat is really throwing you in the deep end. She can be tough” I laugh. He laughs too.

“Yeah, I’m a bit scared of her but I’m excited to see what the Avengers do to train. I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up” I laugh at his joke this time. He laughs too.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” I assure him, “If those videos of you swinging around the city have shown me anything, you’ll probably be better at this then me”.

“Oh, so you’ve watched them?” he asks with a small smirk.

Shit. I really just put myself in a compromising position there. I don’t want him to know that all I’ve done the last two days is watch every video of him I could find on YouTube. That is not exactly ‘I don’t have a massive crush on you’ behaviour.

“Oh yeah… Dad showed all of us them before you joined.” I stutter “Plus they’re viral. I couldn’t escape them if I tried”.

I brush it off whilst sitting down into a hamstring stretch to try and focus on anything else than that slip-up I just made and remove myself from his eye level. Eye contact was not the best thing to be making right now. I didn’t want to accidentally reveal to him the big mistake I just made.

Nat comes back over and starts a new conversation topic, moving it to dynamic stretches and correct warming up technique.

---

An hour later, I’m exhausted, my chest is heaving as I’m trying to get more air into my lungs. Nat’s sessions were hard, but since I now needed to be at my best physical performance to not look like fool in front of Peter, I’ve been pushing myself the hardest I have ever done and was trying to make it look like I wasn’t about to pass out extremely soon.

“Okay great guys!” Nat continues after the beeping of the stopwatch goes off once again, signalling the end of the set. “Now we’re going to put all of those moves to practice. I want you to have a little vs sparing match to see if you can keep effectively blocking and dodging attacks coming towards you”.

Great. Just what I want, my sweaty body to be facing towards Peter’s as he watches my every movement intensely in order to anticipate where to hit me next. Just great.

As we start, I’m not doing well. Peter has dodged every hit I’ve made towards him and has successfully made contact with me five times.

‘Pull yourself together’ I mumble to myself in my head. This is embarrassing. Steve, Sam and Bucky were working out in the corner and have been for the last 15 minutes. After losing the 3rd round, they started to look over, and noticed I wasn’t on my normal game. I was usually great at this. Nat looked confused too. As she called the 6th round in Peter’s favour. I take a deep breath and get myself into position.

As we start again, he swings his right arm towards me, I successfully duck under and as I’m squatted, I lift my left leg and manage to successfully wrap it around his right ankle and pull it towards myself, so he loses his footing and stumbles backwards. As he does this, I take my right arm and manage to strike him. Finally, I have a point in my favour. After another 15 minutes of sparring, we are now tied.

“This is the last round.” Nat announces “And you’re tied so winner takes all. 3, 2, 1. Begin!”

This time he swings at me with his left arm. I dodge. I swing at him with my left. He dodges. He lowers himself and tries to trip me up with his legs with a swooping motion at my ankles. I jump. As he raises back to a standing position, I try to strike. He dodges to the side.

After this uneventful back on forth, he catches me off guard and manages to tackle my left side and bring me down to the mat. I land on my right side and immediately try to roll myself back up to a standing position, but as I start to get back up, he is still crouched over me from the tackle and mumbles “Oh no you don’t”.

He pushes his body back against me, so I hit the floor with my back. After taking the impact of hitting the floor yet again I realise he is straddling me. Peter Parker is straddling me. In my gym. With four Avengers watching. My body is lying against the floor with my arms stuck under his thighs, lying at my sides, and he is sat on top of me resting against my lower stomach. I want to die.

He quickly realises our compromising position and gets himself up and offers me a hand to get me up also. I take it without looking at him. I look at my feet the whole time. As if that is helping me get myself up more efficiently. I clear my throat awkwardly and stand at his side looking at Nat. Taking a step to the right to stand a bit further from him.

She doesn’t even seem to notice our awkwardness due to the situation and congratulates Peter.

“That was a great session guys! Y/N just remember to tuck your elbows close to yourself when you fall so your arms do not get trapped. But great job Peter on getting them down. That’s a great outcome for a first session. I’ll see you again tomorrow morning”.

She smiles and walks away making her way over to Sam who earlier challenged her to yet another sparring session when he first came in. (He is still yet to win against her, but I appreciate his determination).

Peter and I slowly start walking together towards the door. Still yet to talk to make eye contact with each other.

“So…” I start “We have training with Wanda too today. That doesn’t start for another half an hour so we can get showered and clean up before then. You know where your room is right?”

“Yeah.” he replies, “I dropped my stuff in there this morning just before I came down to the gym”.

“Cool.” I answer. We walk silently to the lift as I select the floor that will lead us to our rooms. As I walk down the corridor, I realise his room is literally opposite mine. Great. That’s really going to be great with wanting to avoid him if this awkwardness stays around. Just another unfortunate event to add to today.

“Umm, I’ll come and get you just before we should head down. I doubt you know where we need to head” I continue slowly backing away towards my bedroom door. Practically gasping for this interaction to be over.

“Okay great, I’ll see you then” he smiles as he walks into his room and closes the door.

As I enter my room. I want to lock the door and never leave. But alas, that is not an option, so I head to the shower and then get dressed. I lie on my bed and stare at the clock counting down the minutes until I have to face him again. As the time arrives, I sigh and head to his door. Knocking on it lightly, hoping he maybe doesn’t hear me and I can head down by myself, but he appears at the door seconds later. As I see him slowly open the door and I’m met with his awkward tight-lipped grin, I decide to no longer make it awkward between the us. I’m going to and act like the whole straddling incident didn’t happen and wasn’t plaguing every thought in my mind.

“You ready?” I say with the most chipper voice I can managing right now. He nods and I continue. “Cool! Follow me!”

As we make our way to the studio, I talk to him about anything and everything I can to ease the tension. College, Midtown High, other Avengers. Anything to make the next few days we spend with each other not feel like we had to walk on eggshells around each other. By the time we approach the studio we are having a regular conversation. Success! Hopefully, this next bit of training is better.

Training sessions with Wanda are a lot more chill than the ones with Nat. It was more about focusing on your powers and abilities and taking control of them. If it wasn’t for Wanda, I would still be turning invisible at every uncomfortable moment. Earlier today would have been a lot more interesting if that was the case.

She starts the session by getting to know more about Peters abilities and ‘Spidey sense’ as he calls it. She explains the exercises that will be useful in becoming attuned with them. For an hour we work on these exercises, sat crossed legged beside each other as Wanda guides us through them. It was peaceful and the closest thing to meditation and mindfulness we manage to get at the Avengers facility. This place is the epitome of chaos.

As we finish up the session. Peter and I thank Wanda and make our way to head out the studio.

“Oh, actually, Y/N can I talk to you for a second? It’s just about your progress”.

“Of course.” I reply, “Hey Peter, I’ll meet you in the kitchen for lunch?” I ask him, making sure that he is actually okay with those plans and didn’t want to be alone instead.  

“Sure!” he replies and smiles before heading down the corridor. “I’ll see you in a sec”.

I head back into the room and walk towards Wanda.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?” I ask, I wasn’t too concerned that this was about anything serious.

“I noticed you weren’t really focusing that much in that session. Maybe you were too focused on somebody else who was also participating?” She questions with a slight sing-song voice, like a child making fun of another in a playground.

Oh no. How could I forget that Wanda can read minds? Like how can I forget that? It comes up in everyday conversation all the time, and NOW I choose to forget? My heart drops realising she now knows about my embarrassing crush, but also because she can literally be reading all my worries about this right now.

“Wanda! I thought we talked about not reading our minds! As you know, how it’s a complete violation of our privacy” I whine. I’m so embarrassed. I try to ignore the fact that she now knows I have a crush on Peter, but instead try to direct the conversation to her mind reading.

In all honesty. When she joined the Avengers, we all had a meeting about how she can never use that ability on any of us, and she agreed and hasn’t used it at all, at least to all of our knowledge.

“I have to read your minds to get a better sense of your progress, you know I only do it during our sessions”.

She’s right. We did agree to that at the beginning. Years ago. When I first started training, and I have since completely forgotten about it.

“It’s okay! I won’t tell anyone, and for what it’s worth I think you two will be cute, you know, if Tony can look past it” She laughs, and I smile with relief. I love Wanda, if anyone had to know about my crush, I’m glad it’s her, she definitely won’t tell anyone. Maybe that comes with the responsibility of having the power to know everyone’s secrets. It would make sense. Though I will definitely now have to try and censor my thoughts around her during sessions from now on. That could lead to a lot more uncomfortable conversations.

---

As I make my way into to the kitchen, I see Peter looking in the fridge.

“Need a hand?” I ask heading to the kitchen island.

“You know what? I’ve got this, I’m actually a good cook.” He responds with a look of pride across his face as he faces me looking away from the fridge.

“Ooh okay, well I guess I can teach you how to fight and you can teach me how to cook” I laugh as she starts gathering all the ingredients.

“That’s funny, considering the fact you were pinned under me not even a couple of hours ago.” He retaliates as a snarky remark.

I start the feel the embarrassment hit my body and the transition of turning invisible that comes with it. I immediately look panicked as I try to get control of it, so I don’t turn invisible in response to what he just said.

I laugh to pretend like I’m not completely mortified.

“Touché Parker. But I still have to taste your cooking first. You may just be all talk”.

Lunch turned out to be delicious and he made me eat my words. Quite literally.

Taglist! (Message me if you want to be added!)

@haley-talks-too-much

[clareguilty]

A First of Many

Read it here on AO3

Arthur Morgan/Reader Word count: ~4600 Rating: Explicit | A/B/O dynamics, Heats, Knots, All that fun stuff

The gang was moving. Again.

You couldn’t tell if Dutch was getting too restless and paranoid or if the law was actually on your trail. Either way, there wasn’t much you could do about the whole situation. Dutch led, and you followed; that was the way.

So now you lumbered along on your horse near the back of the group, watching the desert slowly turn into mountains and forests. You were following a river -- more of a stream, really, but Dutch was always grandiose with his language. The lazy burbling water was often the only sound aside from the thudding of hooves.

Reaching into your pack, you grabbed an oatcake and helped yourself to half before feeding the rest to Peanut. She whinnied in appreciation and picked up the pace a bit. You passed the slowest of the men: Bill, Javier, John, and Arthur, flashing them a tired smile as you went. Even after the oatcake, you were still a bit peckish. You couldn’t wait to get out of the desert. The hot sun and dry air had really been starting to get to you the past few days.

 The sound of hoof beats caused you to perk up a bit. You glanced back to see Arthur riding up, jaw set and shoulders tense. “Hey, sweetheart,” he pulled up beside you and placed a hand on your arm. You couldn’t help but jump at the warmth of his touch. “You feeling okay?” He was watching you carefully, brows pinched together.

 “Yeah, Arthur,” you responded. “I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

 He didn’t seem to buy your answer. “If you start feeling strange, you come straight to me. You hear?” His eyes held yours, you couldn’t have looked away if you tried.

 “I will,” you found yourself saying before you could stop yourself. Arthur nodded and rode on ahead, likely to talk with Dutch and Hosea.

 You weren’t sure what you and Arthur were. Not exactly. Friends? For sure. More than that? Who could say?

 Arthur was kind to you, kinder than anyone in your life. He cared for you, listened to you, laughed with you. You had grown so close to him in the recent months, trying to convince yourself you were drawn to him because he was a good man and not just because he was an alpha.

 “You know Arthur’s in love with you,” Karen had said, one night when you were talking about mates.

 “Arthur is what?!” you spluttered. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to be in love with you -- quite the opposite actually. You just couldn’t see how or why.

 “She’s right,” Mary Beth chimed in. “He’s always drawing you in that journal of his or watching out for you. I overheard him telling Marston to keep an eye on you. He’s got it bad.” Her expression was wistful.

 “But I- but I haven’t even had my first heat?” You tried to consider it. Arthur. In love with you. All this time you figured he just wanted to keep you safe. He was a good friend, a protector. A shoulder to cry on and there to listen to you no matter what. You had done the same for him, always helping him out and taking care of his washing. He liked it best when you did his clothes. Had he really just wanted your faint scent lingering on him?

 You weren’t entirely innocent yourself. You had borrowed Arthur’s things on more than one occasion, just to surround yourself with the scent of an alpha. Arthur hadn’t minded, and now you were starting to wonder if there was something more territorial there. But you hadn’t even presented yet. Waiting on your first heat, worried that it would come at the worst of times, it was due any day now, and the whole camp was on edge with anticipation.

 Karen snorted. “That’s probably why he’s never said anything to you. Though, to be honest, I can’t tell if he’s a gentleman or if he’s just repressed.”

 Mary Beth sighed longingly. You could tell she was enamored with the idea. “He probably just wants to wait until you present. Imagine, being mated on your first heat. And Arthur would be such a good alpha. Would you carry his pups?” Her expression was expectant.

 “I- I don’t know. I don’t even know about being mated. I mean -- it would be safer I guess, but I wouldn’t even know who…” you trailed off. “You really think he’s in love with me?”

 “Positive,” Mary Beth nodded quickly, all smiles and encouragement.

 “You think he would… mate with me?” You blushed at the thought. Arthur's mark on your neck. Yours on his.

 “Oh yeah,” Karen assured you.

 You hadn’t brought it up since, but you couldn’t help but read into every moment you shared with Arthur. The soft tone of his voice. The concern in his eyes.

 You watched him converse with Hosea. It was tense, whatever it was. You wanted to comfort him, to assure him that everything would be alright.

 “Hola,” Javier pulled up alongside you.

 “Hey, Javier,” you barely glanced his way. You were feeling more sluggish by the hour, yet restless all the same.

 “Everything alright?” His smile was all teeth, it made your stomach turn. You could have sworn you saw his eyes flash, but you weren’t paying too much attention.

 “I’m fine,” you snapped. If one more person asked you, you were going to lose your mind. Grimshaw had already interrogated you that morning, question after question before you had even had breakfast.

 “Alright,” Javier raised his hands in surrender. “Suit yourself.” He fell back, watching you carefully. You could feel eyes on you; everyone in camp had picked up on your bad mood. It was only making you more irritable.

 Athur and Hosea seemed to reach some conclusion in their argument, because he turned his horse back and headed your way. He must have seen your sour expression, because he raised an eyebrow.

 You shrugged and let out a long sigh. “No one will leave me be. First it was Grimshaw, then you, and now Javier.” Arthur’s gaze turned to where Javier was riding a ways behind you. You could still feel him watching you. It made you feel uneasy, like prey. Arthur made a low rumbling sound in his chest. You glanced back to see the other men looking in any direction but yours. Javier's expression was apologetic.

 “Follow me,” Arthur's voice held no room for argument, not that you wanted to. You needed a break, and Arthur was good company. He took off through the low trees.

 You peeled Peanut away from the rest of the gang and followed after Arthur. “What’s going on?” you asked.

 “We’re gonna find somewhere to camp. Your canteen full?” Arthur barely even glanced back at you. His shoulders were tense, gripping the reins tightly in his gloved hands. You caught a whiff of him on the wind and shuddered.

 “Yea, just filled it up not long ago. Wouldn’t Dutch want to make camp farther up the trail?” You turned to look back the way you came. Something wasn’t right here. “What’s going on?”

 Arthur continued on, leading you back around towards the water once more. It felt like you were going in circles. “We’re gonna make camp for a few days, meet back up with the gang later on.”

 “No.” You reared Peanut in.

 “No?” Arthur turned in an instant. “You mind repeating that?” He raised his eyebrows, surprised by your defiance.

 “No,” you held your ground. “Unless you tell me what’s going on here, I’m turning around and joining the others.” You were already half turned. Arthur hesitated for a moment, lips pursed. You rolled your eyes and pressed your heels into Peanut’s side.

 “No wait,” Arthur called. “It’s your heat.”

 You froze.

 “My heat?”

 “We could smell it. All of us. Of course you don’t know what it is, you’ve never had one before.” Arthur stared you down, keeping you in place with his gaze. “Hosea and I decided it best to camp out a few days until it passes and then rejoin the gang farther up, near Salt Lake.”

 Your mind was racing. So many things at once. “Spend my heat with you?” was all you could manage to choke out.

 Arthur made a low noise in his throat. “Well now, I was gonna talk with you about that once we got settled down. Can you wait until then?”

 You nodded hesitantly.

 “If things start to feel… worse, you let me know. We can figure out what to do with you.” He turned back and spurred his horse forward. You followed without question.

 Arthur finally found a spot on the far side of the stream. You weren’t much help with making camp, shaking with nerves and the beginnings of your heat. A combination of fear, anticipation, and growing fever had you sitting uselessly near the shore while Arthur pitched the tent and began building a fire.

 He found you when he was done. You started to push yourself to your feet, but Arthur surprised you by scooping you into his arms, burying his face in your neck as he carried you to your bedroll. His touch was like lightning.

 “Sorry,” he shook himself as he set you down. “Shouldn’t have done that without asking.”

 You already missed the feel of his arms, of his skin against yours. Your own felt like fire everywhere except where he had held you.

 “You still good to talk?” he sat across from you. His expression was serious.

 You nodded. You were curled up tightly, hugging your knees and watching Arthur carefully.

 “I need an answer, darling,” the corner of his mouth twitched up.

 “I’m good. I can talk.” Your voice was higher, breathier than normal, and you clutched at your throat in shock.

 Arthur chuckled. “What do you know about heats?”

 You chewed your lip. “They’re terrible, and long, and... dangerous.”

 “You’re safe here. With me.” Arthur promised.

 “Arthur…” you trailed off. You weren’t even sure what to say. Could you ask him to lay with you? Could you ask him to mate you?

 He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “There’s no easy way to ask this. I was hoping I would have time to talk about it before you presented. I’m sure now it just seems like I’m trying to trick you somehow. I’m just a coward who waited too long.”

 You tried to reach for him, but he knocked your hand away, nose wrinkling at the scent of you. You didn’t know how he could bear it. His self control was astonishing. “Sweetheart,” he began, “I care about you. I know I’m a fool -- sure as hell feel like one now, but I’d like to take care of you. If you’ll let me, that is.”

 He was asking to stay with you. Arthur was offering to help you through your heat. It was all you had ever wanted, you realized. Just beneath the surface, a want that you couldn't understand until this moment. You wanted to belong to him.

 “And if I say no?” You watched him carefully. It wasn’t what you wanted. Far from it. But you had to know.

 “Then I’ll take my bedroll upwind and wait until you’re good to ride again.” He seemed resigned to the option already. You could tell; he was trying to distance himself from you. You watched him shift, getting ready to leave.

 “And if I say yes?”

 Arthur looked at you, eyes flashing a brilliant blue. He took a steadying breath. It was amazing, watching him fight his instincts. Even more, you trusted him to win that fight. “Whatever you want. Anything.”

 You stared at your hands, flushed and shaking and falling into your heat faster than you thought possible. “You would knot me?” The words barely made it out.

 Arthur caught himself with a choked off groan. “If that’s what you want.”

 “You would mate me?” You looked up this time, meeting his eyes. And you knew your own had shifted.

 “I would. If you would let me.” He carefully reached out, fingers wrapping around your wrist. “I would give you everything.”

 “The two of us?” your voice was shaking. It was all too much. You were desperately trying to fight off your heat, but every second you spent near Arthur made you feel like you were coming apart at the seams.

 “A pair. Bonded. Mates.” Arthur slowly brought your wrist to his lips, pressing a kiss there and breathing in your scent.

 You nodded, gathering your courage before you surged forward and pressed your lips to his.

 It was too much. His scent, his touch. You broke away with a gasp, eyes wide and bright.

 Arthur chuckled, watching you with a small smile. “I’ve never seen a first heat before. Ain’t seen many heats in general. You sure are precious.”

 “Please, Arthur,” you whined, fingers fisted in the fabric of his shirt. “It’s so much. I don’t- I can’t.” Every passing minute was worse and worse. Your fever, your need. You were so wet that it was running down your thighs. You knew Arthur could smell it. “How are you able to stand it?”

 “Only just barely,” Arthur pressed his nose to your neck and took a deep breath. “But I need you to feel safe.”

 You copied him, breathing in his scent as deep as possible. It helped with the aching, but it only flared your desire.

 "I don't know," you whispered. "I don't know how to do this." It was overwhelming, you couldn't even imagine dealing with something like this alone. The other omegas had tried to warn you, but their words couldn't come close to describing the need that ripped through you.

 "It's still early," Arthur rubbed his thumbs into your skin. "You okay with taking your clothes off?"

 You nodded, working at the buttons of your blouse. Pulling yourself free from the fabric cooled you instantly, and you quickly stripped yourself down to nothing but your chemise. Arthur waited patiently, folding the discarded items and shamelessly pressing his face to the fabric. "You smell so good," he groaned, "It started last night, and none of us could figure out what it was. Wasn't till this morning that we realized it was you."

 You crawled closer, settling against Arthur's side at first before giving in and climbing into his lap. You were so wet you knew you were making a mess of his pants, but you couldn't help it.

 "You didn't even realize," Arthur brushed your hair aside, speaking directly against your skin. "Didn't know what it was."

 "Javier…" you remembered his smile, bared teeth and something dangerous. Would he have tried to claim you?

 Arthur growled, holding you closer. "Can't have you," he scraped his teeth against your skin. "You're mine."

 "Yours," you began unbuttoning his shirt. It was too slow for Arthur apparently, because he moved you off his lap and was down to his drawers in a moment. You grabbed his shirt, holding it close. Arthur seemed to realize something.

 "I'll be right back, sweetheart," he brushed your hair back with his thumb. "Can you hold tight for me?"

 You watched Arthur slip out of the tent, heard him rifling through the saddlebags.

 He returned with both of your canteens and a bundle. "My quilt and jacket. You should use my bedroll too. Drink some water for me, okay?"

 The water was still cool from the stream, and you took several long drinks. Rivulets ran over your chin and down your chest, helping to ease your fever. "It's getting worse," you whined. Without thinking, you let your knees fall wide, curling around Arthur's shirt and letting the scent wash over you.

 "Sweetheart," Arthur's voice was an impossibly low growl. "Can I touch you?"

 "Please," you begged.

 It was all the encouragement Arthur needed. He rolled you slightly, settling between your thighs and pushing the hem of your chemise up. His hands ran over your skin, reverent and tender. "Gorgeous," he breathed.

 You pulled him in for a kiss, moaning into his mouth and rolling your hips. Arthur's hands found your breasts. A cry escaped your lips, and your eyes rolled back as he squeezed them in his large palms.

 "You ever had someone inside you?" He asked.

 You shook your head, covering your eyes in embarrassment. This was your first time, and you couldn't help but feel totally lost and unprepared.

 "Hey, darling," Arthur gently pried your hands away. "It's gonna be okay. I'll take the lead, but you need to tell me if you want me to stop. Can you do that?"

 You nodded, whining pathetically as the ache between your legs intensified. It was ridiculous, but you felt you would go mad if Arthur didn't fill you. Was this what all heats were like?

 Arthur's fingers found your wetness. Your stomach flipped, and you moaned, loud and high. His thumb dragged over your clit, slow and deliberate.

 "Arthur," you gasped. You reached for him, nails scrabbling against his skin.

 "That's it, darling. I've got you." He repeated the motion, teasing at your entrance with two fingers.

 "Please," you begged.

 Arthur's fingers pressed into you, and you felt your torment subside just a little. You blinked up at him, rolling your hips to adjust to the feeling.

 "That better?" He grinned.

 "Feels good," you managed, rocking a little more.

 "Imagine how my knot will feel, filling you up. I'm gonna take such good care of you." His words made your whole body shudder.

 Arthur began to move his fingers, crooking them just right to hit a spot that had you seeing stars. You were lost in the pleasure. It was all consuming, your heat. Nothing like you had ever known before. You couldn't imagine dealing with this every few months for the rest of your life.

 But you had Arthur. Arthur who had promised to mate you, to stay with you. A lifetime of heats spent with Arthur sounded like heaven.

 He pulled your first orgasm from you, kissing away your tears as you cried and clenched around his fingers. A sense of clarity washed over you, though you knew it would be short lived.

 "I love you," you said before you could stop yourself.

 Arthur turned pink and tried to hide his face in his shoulder. "I love you too. Wanted to tell you for a while now. Wish I could have done it sooner."

 You pushed yourself up, taking his face in your hands. "This feels like a dream. I get to share my first heat with the perfect mate. Bonded with him." You brushed your lips over his. "I get to have this forever."

 Arthur pulled you in as close as possible. "Forever," he echoed.

 You stayed in his embrace as long as your heat would allow, but eventually it became too much. "Arthur?" You trailed your fingers over his chest.

 "Yes, sweetheart?"

 "Will you knot me?"

 His reaction was instantaneous. You were flat on his bedroll, staring up at him as he kicked off his drawers and stroked his aching cock. Your mouth watered at the sight of it. Arthur watched your eyes as he pressed into you, moving slow so as not to hurt you. It only made you more frustrated. You needed him!

 You tried to wriggle down farther on his cock, but he held you in place with one hand. "Easy, doll," he hushed you.

 So you waited until the swell of his knot pressed against your entrance. The sensation was enough to have you squeezing around his cock and crying out his name.

 It was then that Arthur moved, short, shallow thrusts that picked up as he adjusted to the feeling of you. You clung to his arms, mind going fuzzy with pleasure.

 Arthur wasn't much better above you, eyes squeezed shut and lips parted. Both of you were lost in the sensations.

 He growled, leaning in to drag his teeth over your skin. You almost came from the promise of his bite. Instead, he pressed forward, locking his knot into place and spilling deep inside you. His thumb found your clit and you came harder than ever in your life. Shaking and gasping, you fell apart beneath Arthur, reduced to the feeling of his knot and his seed inside you.

 Arthur rocked his hips against you as he worked through his orgasm. You felt impossibly full, warm and sated locked together with your mate.

 He rolled the two of you, laying you across his chest as you waited for the tie to go down.

 You must have fell asleep, because you woke to the low rumble of Arthur snoring beneath you. His cock, softer now, was still resting inside you and you felt his seed running down your thighs.

 The ache in your belly was still there, the threat of more heat yet to come. The other omega's heats usually lasted a day or two. You figured another day trapped in the tent with Arthur sounded just fine to you.

 Careful as could be, you tried to shift without waking Arthur. He stayed asleep, but one of his heavy arms wrapped around you, trapping you against him. Trying to wiggle free had an unexpected result.

 Arthur was hard again.

 The feeling of him swelling inside you stoked the flames of your heat and you ground your hips against his without thinking. He was already buried to the hilt, and you found an easy rocking motion that filled you just right. His knot was already swelling.

 Forehead pressed to his chest, you rode Arthur's cock, half asleep and driven by your heat.

 Large hands settled on your hip, squeezing tight. You glanced up to see Arthur watching you.

 "Sorry," you panted. "Just needed you."

 Arthur gripped your hips, moving you on his cock with his strength. It was a whole new sensation that had you gasping as he rocked up to meet you.

 "You're alright," he said. "Take what you need."

 You did exactly that, riding him until you both came once more. Arthur whispered to you as you basked in the feeling, you barely understood his words.

 "This might be too much, but I've got you." He tugged gently at where you were tied and you whined. "I know," he soothed you. "Hang on for me."

 His knot slipped free and you shook as he pulled out of you, his seed spilling over your thighs. It felt surprisingly delightful, knowing you had been claimed by your alpha.

 Arthur tucked you under his jacket. You registered him moving about, but it was hard to find the energy to care.

 You blinked up at him as he sat beside you. "You good to talk?" He asked.

 You nodded, reaching for his hand and twining your fingers with his. Your heart thudded loudly, nervousness reaching you through the haze of your heat. Had you done something wrong?

 "Feels like I'm always making a fool of myself around you," he started. "Wish I could be better, but it seems it ain't really me if it ain't wrong."

 Your fear only grew as he rambled on. Was this why he hadn't mated you yet? Were you wrong for him?

 "My rut is coming on. Felt it starting a little while ago. I'm usually in better control, but being with you must have set it off. We'll get through it though. Just needed to warn you." He scratched at the back of his neck.

 "That's it?" You blinked.

 "Huh?"

 "I was worried. Thought you'd realized you didn't want me." You avoided his eyes.

 "Of course I want you," Arthur insisted. "You're the greatest thing that's happened to me."

 "But you haven't mated me yet." you let your fingers trail over the skin where you longed for Arthur's bite. Why wouldn't he do it?

 Arthur cocked his head. "Did you want me to? You didn't want to wait a while?"

 "Of course I want you to. It's all I've been able to think about second to your knot." You wanted to pinch him. What a fool he was. Your fool.

 There was a moment of quiet. "Well alright then. But we should eat something. I don't know how much heat you have left in you, but I'm already fighting my rut."

 "How do you control it?" You gave into your instincts and closed the distance between you. Your own heat had made it impossible to think, but Arthur was able to fight off his desire.

 "You get used to it after a while. I've heard my ruts are easier than most, but they come more often. It'll be interesting to see how your next heat treats you "

 You thought about it again, a lifetime of heats before you, shared with Arthur. It didn't scare you as much as it had before.

 Arthur coaxed some food into you, covering you with soft kisses after every bite. The respite from your heat was short lived, and you found yourself a whining, slick mess in no time at all.

 Rut was a powerful thing. You thought you had known before, but now you experienced it in all its glory as Arthur bent you forward on your knees and fucked you relentlessly. He locked inside you, waited for his knot to go down, and filled you again in a near endless cycle.

 It was heaven. A perfect complement to the desperation that burned within you. The two of you pushing and pulling each other further along. You wondered how you would ever go back to normal, so accustomed to the feeling of Arthur inside of you, the warmth of his seed as he claimed you again and again.

 It was long after sunset when it finally happened. You were sitting in Arthur's lap facing him, resting your cheek against his chest. He moved you slightly leaned down and carefully closed his teeth over the junction of your neck and shoulder. You shuddered as he swiped his tongue over your skin. You scent hadn't faded any apparently, despite over a full day of heat.

 "Wait," you pushed him away. He raised his eyebrows but let you shift in his lap.

 His cock was half hard, and you stroked him gently, smearing his own come between you -- as if there weren't enough of it already. He panted softly, letting out an unabashed moan as you sank down on him to the knot. He helped you along, locking inside of you with more ease than before.

 "Okay," you pulled him back down towards you.

 He kissed you, so sweet, so soft. Trailing is lips down to that sensitive patch of skin.

 His teeth broke through and you came instantly, shaking and gasping as he dragged his tongue over the bloody mark he had left.

 "Didn't hurt?" He asked, eyes brighter than you had ever seen them. You were sure your own matched.

 You shook your head, still reeling from your orgasm. Gathering all your strength, you stretched up as far as you could and sank your teeth into his own neck.

 His reaction was identical to yours, arms wrapping around you as he rocked his hips. You inhaled his scent as you kissed at the bruising skin. He smelled different, mated.

 It was another day before both of you felt up to travelling. Arthur dunked you in the river, laughing as you squealed and splashed him with the cold mountain water. Your scents were buried in everything you owned, refusing to wash out no matter how hard you scrubbed.

 It took a few days longer than necessary to rejoin the gang, but who could blame you? You and Arthur were excited to take on the world as a mated pair, and you didn't need the help of your heat to lay with him as often as you liked.

 You lay in the crook of his arm, watching the stars creep across the sky. Arthur's fingers trailed over the healing bite on your neck. Bonded at last.

[vindicatedvirgil]

only fools rush in / part one: two parties and a lot of crushes

this first part is kind of all over the place. basically i just wanted to establish the dynamics going on here and i figured the best way to do so would be through group hang outs and stuff like that. it feels like i cover a lot here, but future installments will be more focused on one couple or group! sorry for the kind of wackiness and yeah.

i don’t think that there’s anything that i need to tag for this, but this part includes: QPP loceit, Remus making jokes, Roman crushing hard, Emile and Remy very briefly.

[masterlist]

if you want to be tagged when i update, please send me an ask/reply/reblog and i’ll be sure to add you for the next part! 

read to the end for the title and a small teaser for part two!

next update will be on: Sunday, July 19.

---

“Wait, you have a twin?” Patton looked at Roman in deep disbelief. “Why didn’t you get an apartment with him?” Roman just shrugged, unloading one of his boxes, hanging up his shirts. “Lo, did you know about this?”

“Yes. He’s one of Janus’ new roommates,” the man in the tie said, leaning against the wall, eyes focused on the phone in his hand as he typed quickly. Patton’s jaw dropped, and he crossed his arms, frowning. 

“Yeah, he’s moving in with Virgil Cloud, too,” Roman said, eyes focused forward, but he couldn’t hide the light dusting of pink that appeared on his cheeks. Virgil was the techie for the last school production, and Roman couldn’t help but fall for the embodiment of a dark and stormy night, with his black nail polish and purple fringe and–

“Earth to Roman,” Patton was waving a hand in front of his face. Roman blinked, then smiled awkwardly at his pastel-clad roommate. “You should invite them all to a party tonight! Logan, will you tell Jan to bring his roommates?”

“I- we were gonna…” Logan sighed, then nodded, head hanging in front of him, “I guess so.” He didn’t have the heart to tell his roommates that he and his partner had other plans for the evening, so he texted Janus quickly about the change.

Roman and Patton want you to bring your roommates over for a party tonight. We can leave early, though. -Logan

A party could be fun, Lo. Besides, I think that Virgil has a crush on Roman. ~Janus

I believe that it’s mutual. I don’t really want to stick my nose into their business, though. -Logan

-

Logan opened the door to the apartment to see Janus, Remus, and Virgil standing there. Remus was holding a twelve-pack of beer, Janus had a bottle of wine, and Virgil kept his eyes down on the floor, not acknowledging anything as the three stepped into the apartment. Logan kept the door open since it was already warm in the apartment with the three of them; the end of summer was always unbearably hot in their town. Roman immediately gravitated towards Virgil as the others went over to the kitchen counter to open their drinks.

“Hi Virgil,” Roman said, smiling brightly. “I don’t know if you remember me–”

“Of course I do,” Virgil muttered, leaning against a wall awkwardly. “You were the lead in the play last term.” Roman stammered over his words, his cheeks once again dusted with pink.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, that…” he chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You uh, did a really great job as one of the tech guys. It was… awesome.”

“Thanks.” Virgil stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, and he still hadn’t looked up at Roman.

“Can I uh… get you a drink or something? Or…” Roman’s words trailed off, he wished that Virgil would just look up at him and meet his eyes and then maybe they’d fall in love–

“Hey there!” Emile stepped in through the open front door, carrying a plate full of baked goods. “I just wanted to welcome you… oh, looks like somebody’s having a party!” Roman grumbled then went up to the man in the sweater, wondering how he could cope in the heat. “Hi there! I’m Emile Picani, I live downstairs!” “Nice to meet you. I’m Roman, and my roommates Patton and Logan are… somewhere,” he said, sticking his hand out. Emile giggled and brought the tall man in for a hug. “Oh, uh…”

“Sorry, I’m a bit of a hugger!” Emile laughed, setting the cookies down on a table. “You all go to the university? I’m working on my psychology doctorate there.” At this, Virgil perked up and came over, and Emile held his arms out for a hug.

“Please don’t,” Virgil muttered, and Emile backed up a little, giving a toothy smile. “Uh… you study psychology? I’m majoring in that…” He said shyly, and Emile pulled him by his wrist to sit down on one of the couches.

“Okay, I’m your mentor now! Let’s chat,” The two went to go sit down on the couch, and Roman frowned. Of course Virgil would be interested in chatting with someone in his field of study, but… he really wanted to talk to Virgil, maybe ask him on a date. He stuffed one of the cookies that Emile made into his mouth and groaned at how delicious they were. Of course he could bake. He’d probably be able to steal Virgil away, too.

Remus was watching this from his spot against one of the walls, and noticed his twin’s distraught demeanor. He thought about saying something, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Patton smiling brightly at something that Janus said, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, exposing colorful floral tattoos on his forearms, and that was it: Remus was smitten. He didn’t hesitate to approach the trio talking at the kitchen counter, Janus and Logan sharing a bar stool, Patton resting his chin on his hands as he listened to the pair recall how they decided to become partners over the summer break. Remus settled into a chair next to Patton, and silence fell over the table.

“I don’t believe we’ve met, cutie pie,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow at the small man. Janus and Logan exchanged a look and got up to go chat with Roman, and Patton turned his attention to focus directly on Remus.

“You must be Remus!” Patton exclaimed suddenly, eyes bright as his smile beamed at the curly-haired man, and Remus suddenly wished that he was wearing sunglasses. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that Ro had a twin!”

“Ah, you must be Patton,” Remus said, realizing that this was the roommate he didn’t know. Patton nodded excitedly. Remus stretched his hand out and grazed his fingers against the floral tattoos, and Patton shivered. “These are beautiful, though not as gorgeous as you, flower.”

“T-thank you,” Patton said, his face bright red at the fact that he was complimented and given a nickname. “Do you have tattoos?” Remus nodded and rolled up one of his jacket sleeves, revealing a morning star.

“I minor in medieval history. Weaponry is so fascinating,” he mused, and Patton nodded, brushing his short fingers over the tattoo. “I have a few more, but they’re in… unique places… Maybe I can show you someday, flower.”

“O-oh, uhm…” Patton stammered over his words, the blush spreading down to his neck and to his ears. “M-maybe…” Remus smirked, leaning closer to the small man.

“If I’m making you uncomfortable, please tell me,” He whispered, and Patton shook his head quickly, which made Remus smile. Patton wasn’t exactly Remus’ usual type; soft boys never paid much attention to those with piercings and a menacing glare, but Remus quickly realized that Patton wasn’t like the others.

“Y-You’re not…” Patton’s face was so red and warm that he felt like he could explode. No one like Remus had ever paid him this much attention. He was always taunted by jocks and punks because of his softness, but Remus? The dark makeup, the piercings, the tattoos, and the leather jacket, it all made him feel… dangerous. And Patton secretly loved danger.

Roman was leaning against the wall, watching as everyone else had someone to talk to. His twin was hitting it off with Patton, Janus and Logan were sitting on one of the couches, looking at something on Logan’s phone, and Emile and Virgil were on another couch, talking about psychology. He had never felt left out from any situation in his life before, but here he was, alone in a room full of people.

He couldn’t help but focus on Virgil, who had lit up as he talked about things that Roman knew nothing about. Roman was, of course, happy that Virgil was smiling, but he wished he was the one making the very tall man smile. Emile seemed nice enough, but… something about him irked Roman to no end.

“Oh, hang on,” Emile’s phone was ringing, the tune to a cartoon that Roman vaguely remembered blasting out loudly. He answered the phone, and Roman listened carefully. “Oh, sorry baby! I’m upstairs welcoming our new neighbors. I’ll be right there. Okay, bye.” He hung up and glanced around. “Sorry, that was my boyfriend Remy, I have to go!” He gave a hug to Virgil who waved goodbye awkwardly, then went around hugging everyone, and then left the apartment, closing the front door behind him. Virgil looked like he was going to melt into the couch, and Roman took this as his moment. He sat down next to the tall man and gave him a warm smile.

“So, uh, what do you think the production will be for this term?” Roman asked, and Virgil shrugged. “I’m hoping for a musical, but I’m not much of a dancer…”

“I kind of want something that allows me to experiment with fog on the stage, you know?” Virgil said, glancing down. “I’m not brave enough to audition for any roles on the stage, but I really like working behind the scenes…” Roman frowned, watching Virgil carefully.

“Well, when they announce the production and if there’s a role that interests you, I could help you… practice, maybe? To build up your confidence,” he suggested, but Virgil just shook his head. “I used to get stage fright really bad. But… if it’s something you love doing… then it’s worth all of that anxiety, right?”

“Is it?” Virgil’s voice was shaky. “In one of my school plays as a kid I fell on my face in front of everybody during my solo. Afterwards, I found out that someone purposely spilled water where they knew I’d be walking.” He twisted his fingers together, and Roman frowned. “Ever since, I haven’t wanted to be on stage in front of others.”

“No one would do that here,” Roman said reassuringly. “If they did, I’d beat them up until they fell on the ground, too,” his face was firm, resolved, and it made Virgil laugh a little. “I think… you should try. I’d love to perform with you.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Virgil looked down at him finally, and Roman thought he would melt into a puddle on the floor. “Thanks, Roman.”

-

“Remus is so cool, you know? And he’s so sweet,” Patton was blabbering. It was a few weeks after the party, and the three roommates were playing Mario Kart in the living room. In the time since that first party, the semester had started and they were all buried in school work, and had only seen the other three in passing or going out to dinner as a group. “N-not that you’re not cool, Roman, it’s just… he’s on a different level!”

“Yeah, a dangerous level,” Roman muttered so that Patton couldn’t hear, but Logan did, and he sighed. Roman didn’t want to reveal his fraught relationship with his brother to Patton, but he also wanted to protect the soft, small man. But… Patton was so enthralled, and Roman had never seen him that way. He seemed happier since meeting Remus, and had a confidence that didn’t exist in him before. But Roman definitely had a surge of concern for the other man.

“Do you think we should invite them all over today?” Patton suggested as he finally rolled over the finish line, in second to last place. Logan had gotten first, of course, and Roman a close second. This was the usual for their games. 

“I actually have plans with Janus–” Logan started, but then his phone rang. He answered it. “Hello? Oh, hi Janus… what? But we were…” he sighed, then covered the receiver while he looked at the two others. “Remus wants to invite us all to their place for a movie night or something.”

“Yes!!” Patton exclaimed happily. “Oh, I should figure out what to wear. What time, Lo?” He asked, his excitement bubbling over. It was contagious. Roman could practically see the cogs in Patton’s mind moving as he thought about what to wear and how to do his makeup.

“Eight, apparently,” Logan responded, his lips pulled into a taut line. He brought the receiver back towards his mouth. “I guess we will be there. Yeah, see you later. Bye.” He hung up, a frown on his face. Roman wondered if he should dress nice, too, since he’d be seeing Virgil.

“Dibs on the first shower!” Roman exclaimed, dropping his controller and running off to the bathroom. Three guys and one bathroom wasn’t ideal, but it was what they had to deal with.

By the time all three of them had gotten ready, it was almost 7:30. Roman went with his usual attire, as opposed to Patton, who went a little overboard (probably to try and impress Remus): he was wearing a pale green sweater and some shorts, knee-high socks, and his converse, his makeup bright and colorful, the emphasis on his lips and eyes. Logan was wearing his usual attire as well, but had slipped into a coat since they’d be walking to the other building. It was only a few blocks away, but things always got sidetracked when Roman and Patton were involved.

Once Patton slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, the three set out to the others’ apartment. On their way down, they passed Emile, who was walking into the building with another man, their fingers intertwined.

“Hey kiddos!” Emile said cheerfully, waving his free hand at them. “Remy, these are the new neighbors I told you about!” The man called Remy raised his eyebrows then nodded in greeting.

“Hey babes,” he said. 

“Where are you all going together?” Emile asked, and Roman thought it was a bit nosy to ask of them, but he said nothing.

“Oh, we’re going to Roman’s twin brother’s apartment–”

“Yes, and we really should get going now. Goodbye Emile, nice to meet you Remy,” Roman began to nudge Patton along the sidewalk, and Logan shot the couple an apologetic glance. 

-

“Ugh, this movie is booooooring!” Remus yelled, startling the others. He had thrown his arms up in frustration. Logan and Janus were on the couch, trying to wait for the right moment to leave since they had their own plans. Remus, Roman, and Patton were on the floor or on cushions, eating the pizza they’d ordered, and Virgil was on the lounge chair, just observing.

“You’re the one who suggested a movie, idiot,” Virgil muttered, crossing his arms. Remus frowned, then finished off his bottle of beer. He made a soft hmmm noise, then began speaking again.

“This empty bottle gives me an idea. Spin the bottle, anyone? Or perhaps… truth or dare with spin the bottle?” He suggested, eyebrows wiggling. Patton’s face turned bright red, and some of the others all mumbled their disagreement.

“Isn’t that game for high schoolers, Re?” Roman asked, rolling his eyes. He glanced at Virgil, though, and wondered what it would be like to kiss him tonight. Not that he’d ever do that, Virgil hadn’t shown any interest in him, but…

“Sounds like fun,” Janus said, smirking from his spot next to Logan, who pouted. Janus noticed this and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Oh, come now, Lolo, just a round or two and then we can go, okay? You know how much I love truth or dare.” Logan sighed, then nodded.

“Fine, a few rounds.”

The group moved the coffee table out of the way and sat in a circle, the empty beer bottle laying in the middle of all of them. “Alright, rule time,” Remus started. “The spinner asks the person it lands on for truth or dare, and then must ask them. The person who last did the thing spins it next. Capiche?” Roman shrugged and then pat Remus on the shoulder.

“You spin first, bro,” he said, settling in as he sat cross-legged on the floor. Remus shrugged and leaned forward, spinning the bottle. It pointed towards Logan, who sighed. Remus smirked, crossing his arms, deep in thought.

“Truth or dare?” Remus asked finally, meeting Logan’s eyes. It was silent for a few moments as Logan pondered his options. Janus leaned over and whispered something in Logan’s ear, and his partner nodded.

“Truth,” Logan said confidently, and Remus raised an eyebrow. 

“Would you wear your best friend’s used underwear if you went camping and ran out?” Remus asked, and Patton giggled, covering his mouth to prevent spit from flying everywhere.

“Uh…” Logan glanced at Janus, who was trying to hide his laughter at the audacity of the question. “Yeah, I would? I’ve worn Janus’ underwear before–”

“Whoah, whoah, too much info, stop,” Virgil waved his hands, groaning. Patton pouted a little, frowning at Logan and Janus.

“I thought I was your best friend, Lo?” He asked, and Logan hit his forehead with his hand. 

“You- Pat, ugh,” Logan was exasperated, and he glanced at Patton carefully. “You’re both my best friends, okay?” Patton seemed pleased with this answer, a smile crossing his features again. Logan leaned forward to spin the bottle, and it landed on Remus. “Uh…”

“I mean, if it’s just you two who get to play, that’s fine,” Virgil commented, leaning his back on the lounge chair behind him.

“Maybe if it lands on Logan again, though, you respin?” Patton suggested, and everyone else nodded in agreement. Remus shrugged, and then nodded to Logan.

“Dare me, Lodaddy,” he cackled, and Janus rolled his eyes, but still slid his hand over to rest on Logan’s thigh, a protective glare directed at Remus.

“I dare you to get an A in one of your courses this semester,” Logan smirked, adjusting his glasses. A few of the others grumbled about how that wasn’t fair, but Remus nodded in acceptance and held out his hand to shake Logan’s.

“Dealio!” He spun the bottle again and it landed on Roman. “Alright, twinny twin, truth or dare?” He waggled his eyebrows at his twin.

“I know better than for you to ask me a truth. So, dare,” Roman said, confident with his decision. An evil look crossed Remus’ eyes only briefly as he glanced between Roman and Virgil.

“Kiss the back of Virgil’s knee,” he said simply, and Roman nearly choked on his own saliva. Virgil buried his face in his hands, grumbling a little. Patton started to defend the two.

“Now, Virgil, you don’t have to–”

“Yes I do, it’s a fucking dare,” Virgil mumbled, standing up. He rolled one of his pant legs up and turned around so the back of his leg was facing Roman, whose face was bright red and who felt like his breath was being stolen from him. “Just make it quick, Princey.” Roman turned more red at the nickname, which probably stemmed from his role in the production from the previous semester. He scooted over to Virgil and pressed his lips to the bend between Virgil’s thigh and calf, and then scooted back, saying nothing. The tall man rolled his pant leg back down and sat down, explicitly not looking at Roman. His pale face was lightly pink.

After a few awkward beats, Roman leaned forward and spun the battle. It landed on Patton, who looked to be in deep thought. “Truth or dare, Pat?”

“Hmmm. I think truth is safer,” Patton admitted, and Roman thought a little. He hoped that his plan would work, but was concerned over what could come from a question like this. He really did want happiness for Patton, even if his brother was involved.

“What are three things you first noticed when you met your crush, if you have one?” Roman asked, and Patton glanced down at his fingers, twisting them together, his face dusted with a pale blush. Remus perked up a little, listening carefully to the answer the small man gave.

“U-um… well… I noticed that he has gray in his hair, that he has a lot of piercings, and that he has a cute smile,” Patton said this so quietly that everyone had to lean in to hear it. Patton’s face was bright red by the time he finished listing off the attributes, and everyone’s eyes trailed over to Remus, who was smirking. Patton quietly excused himself and practically ran to the restroom, grabbing his bag along the way, leaving the rest of the group in an awkward silence.

“Fuck, that’s on me,” Roman said, standing up. “I’ll go… check on him,” he said, and he followed Patton to the bathroom, knocking on the door once. “Pat, it’s me Roman, are you okay?”

“Why did you ask me that?” Patton asked from the other side of the door. It sounded like he was crying, since he was sniffling a little bit. “You know I like him, but I wasn’t ready to say anything, Ro.”

“I’m sorry, Patton, I just… I saw that you liked him and figured a little nudge could help…” Roman explained, then sighed. Maybe he had overstepped a little. “Do you wanna go home?”

“Roman,” a voice came from behind him. It was Remus. “Is he okay?” Concern was etched on his face, and he had crossed his arms. Roman was surprised to see this much care coming from his twin.

“Is that Remus? Oh god, hang on,” Patton sounded like he was panicking. “Where are my makeup remover wipes–” A clattering of things falling out of his messenger bag could be heard. “Shoot!” Remus and Roman exchanged a look as the noises of Patton being flustered echoed into the hallway. “I can’t believe… such a fool… dang it… stop crying, idiot…”

“Patton,” Remus stepped past Roman to knock on the door. “Patton, it’s okay… I uh…” He cleared his throat, “my first impressions of my crush were that he has really awesome floral tattoos, his pink hair is awesome, and he dresses in a really cute way.” He admitted. Roman started to back up, but saw Patton open the door and peek out.

“R-really…?” He asked. It was obvious he had been crying, his eyes were red and his eyeliner had smudged, but he had wiped the majority of it off. “Um…”

“Patton, do you wanna go on a date with me next weekend?”

Roman scooted out of earshot, and stepped back into the living room, but not before he heard Patton squeak out an affirmation. Janus and Logan had disappeared, maybe off to go and do whatever their plans were, and Virgil was scrolling on his phone.

“Sorry about Remus’ dare. If I’d have known about what he’d ask me to do, I would’ve gone with a truth instead,” Roman admitted. Virgil’s face hardened, but the theater major didn’t notice this. “I’d hate to make you uncomfortable.”

“Uh, it’s okay…” Virgil didn’t meet Roman’s eyes, though, as he sat down beside him on the couch. “Actually, um. I was looking at the roles for this next production? Have you looked yet?” Of course Roman had looked. They were going to be doing a production of Wicked, and Roman was absolutely stoked for it.

“Yeah, I’m planning on auditioning for Fiyero…” Roman mused, then remembered the conversation he had with Virgil a few weeks ago. “Is there a role you’re interested in, Virgil?”

“Um, actually, I’ve always loved Boq, but… I don’t know if I’m talented enough for that,” he admitted, twisting his fingers together. “Plus I’m a little tall to play a Munchkin.” Roman sighed, then smiled encouragingly at the taller man.

“Well, I can help you practice for the audition, if you’d like!” Roman said, and Virgil nodded. “I don’t think your height will affect anything, it’s all about talent!”

“Oh. Yeah… I’d uh… really appreciate that, actually.” Virgil responded, still looking down at his hands. “I just… auditioning is really scary, you know?” Roman shrugged, then set his hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Maybe they’ll let us audition together, so that way you’ve got a familiar face on stage,” he suggested. Virgil nodded, a small smile appearing on his face. “Hey, don’t worry, Virge. I think you’re gonna do great.”

---

teaser for part two: a botanical garden and some deep conversations

“I’ve never seen you so panicked over a first date, so I think that means that this is… real for you. You’re going to take this one seriously.”

~

“I want someone who understands how special I can be… but also someone who I can pamper and love with all of my heart.”

---

part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten

---

taglist (send an ask, reblog, or reply if you want to be added)

@winterrose42

@are-you-even--real 

[masterlist]

[allet-space]

Steven’s Ramblings (Prickly Pair)

(A compilation of everything concerning that Steven says in the entire episode, SPOILERS, plus potential meanings, analysis)

1. “[Cheerfully] These Perenials ALWAYS come back. That one’s Sadie...”

2. “[Cheerfully] I named this one Lars. [Motheringly] You’re stuck in the ground aren’t you? Not gonna zip right into space and leave everyone behind, isn’t that right?“

These two are pretty obvious: Steven doesn’t want them to move on and leave him behind. He wants them all to stay right here, by his side, quiet and rooted to the ground with nowhere to move, like a plant.

Kiiindof a disturbing metaphor if you ask me. Kindof like the diamonds used to treat gems: The Empire never changes, and only responds to their wants and changes and needs.

3. “Sighs. What am I doing? Is this really my thing now? [voice slightly sad and cracked] Plants!? Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl aren’t even impressed. Guess plants aren’t as cool as liberating the galaxy...“

He’s been breaking at the seams the whole time. He wanted to impress the gems, and despite very positive feedback from them (Pearl says its great, amethyst says its cool, they generally support him) he doesnt feel like it’s enough compared to saving the galaxy. He seems to compare everything to what he did to save everyone, and everything pales in comparison.

4. “[Nostalgic] This beach... it never changes. I mean, a lot HAS changed. I’m trying to be cool about it but it feels so weird. [Ranting, worried] Everyone is moving on and, I should be too! I gave up running the school, but now I don’t know what comes next! ...Y’know? It’s probably better I’m not running the school anymore. Who am I to decide what’s best for all those gem students? They’re better off learning from Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. [Getting more worried, cracking voice] I used to be helpful, but the gems don’t need me anymore. [Frustrated] URGH! Why do I need to be needed! ...Stevennn, pull it together!!! [Calmer]....I’m so sorry to dump all of this on you.“

Again, he doesn’t want anything to change, anyone to run off. He exhibits low self-esteem in not seeing himself fit despite spending so much time on it (Snow Day). He still very moch looks up to his gem family.

After having to be their braincell for most of his life, after making them dependant on him in an unhealthy way, now that the dependancy is gone, he feels empty. He’s used to spending all his energy to carving himself out for them, and now he doesn’t know what to do now that they don’t need that anymore.

He gets frustrated at not being their unhealthy neccessity anymore, and then he gets frustrated at himself for being frustrated. In addition to that, he apologizes for venting, regrets it, feels like he never should have let these feelings surface in such a way.

5. “[Cheerfully] Good morning Ronaldo! Good morning Nanafua! And a special good morning t- ugh!”

He’s pretending it’s all fine. Pretending he’s 14 again, running through town greeting everyone he passes. Except these plants will never leave. They wiill grow, but never outside of their designated pots. He can control them, they obey him. Feels a lot like he’s talking to himself, like he would be in his room.

6. “[In response to Cactus Steven, but now alone] What was that? Why’d you say that stuff, huh? (Why’d you say that stuff, huh?) Because I thought I could talk to you! I can’t tell Pearl how I feel, cause she’ll blame herself and spiral out of control and I’ll have to pick up the pieces! And I don’t want any more high and mightly advice from Garnet. [Getting angrier] I just... want to know better for once. [Mockingly] And I’m so sick of Amethyst acting like she’s sooo mature now! (She’s sooo mature now!) Pft, I know, it’s like, get over yourself. Gasps Please don’t repeat any of that. [Places box over Cactus Steven] (Why’d you say all that stuff? Whyyy’d?!) Oh you know why’d!“

LOT to unpack here. One, he doesn’t want to open up to the gems at any cost. ANY cost. He then goes into why he doesn’t want to open up: He feels Pearl is still too dependant on him needing to fix her, and seems to be quite annoyed by the fact that Garnet and Amethyst both have their lives together. Which one is it? Do you want someone dependant, or someone better off?

He wants to know better. Im just going to say, I CALLED IT HE’S QUOTING WHITE DIAMOND ON HER HAVING TO “KNOW BETTER” aaAAAAA

7. “[After closing the door to the diamond base] I can’t let anybody find out about this. (Amethyst: Find out about what?) [Nervous, panicking] D-d, n-nothing! (Are you okay, Steven?) Y-y-yeah! Uhh, um, bep, Whhhy do you ask? (Ummm, well, it just seems you’ve been having a hard time...) [Steven continues to insist he’s fine and says he knows they can help.]“

The gems are there for him, but he has his own, logical reasons on why he can’t talk to them. It’s not just botteling up, it’s because these feelings involve THEM. He doesnt want to talk to them because they’re a part of the “problem”. He has strong, new opinions on them while angry, but is far too afraid to be mean to them. Which is why he chose CS in the first place: A third party unconnected to anything else happening.

8. “[Sitting in the dark, worried] Sighs, now the gems are all worried about me. [Cactus steven yells, kicks his box off] Oh no, Cactus Steven! You’re all messed up! What’s wrong with you? (What’s wrong with you?) [Yelling, Angry] What’s WRONG is that you’re making me look like a FOOL! (Fool!) I wish you wouldn’t talk! (I wish you wouldn’t talk!) [Turns Pink] Urrrrrghh, STOP IT!“

He needs anger management, did I mention that yet? Also that panel of him turning pink with a pitch black background looks... oddly eerie. Very eerie. Don’t like it one bit. Fear. One Fear. Many Fears.

He doesn’t want them to worry while he feedback-spirals his own anger out of control...

9. “[Steven tries to get the gems to leave before they can even say anything. They proceed to see him get beaten by Cactus Steven through the large glass windows.]“

Other than being hilarious, this really, really drives home his dynamic. As well as his later way of “dealing” with his Cactus Clone, the episode is left open. He says he’s said enough, only half a minute after the gems even just got the memo that Cactus Steven was repeating thoughts that Steven had told him. This boy needs to talk.

Things are looking bad, the corruption theory is looking truer by the day, and these episodes are shifing from light-hearted and resolved in Little Homeschool to eerily unresolved and upsetting (in a good way.)