#i had a lot of feelings about this
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
It's in the eye of the beholder
#comic#birds#my art#I've had this idea for a while#after a lecture that talked about how traits we consider cute are traits found in babies#I feel like birds would have a very different definition of cute from us#anyway after making the bird tutorial I feel the pressure to draw perfect bird anatomy#but tbh I still just wing it a lot of the time!!#hehe “wing it”
59K notes
·
View notes
Text
i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
21K notes
·
View notes
Text
do you guys ever think about how Wyll is introduced as an archetypal fantasy hero, but then it turns out he’s a warlock, who made a pact with a devil. Do you ever think about how Ansur is described as this fantastical dragon of myth, but then when you find him, he’s turned into an undead monstrosity. Do you think about how when Wyll does the right thing, he is punished to become more monstrous. Do you think about how as Wyll’s warlock powers grow, his spells get more horrific. Do you think about how Ansur was killed by his closest friend. Do think about how Wyll was cast out by the most important person in his life. do you guys ever think about Ansur and Wyll.
#tw mild gore#bg3#wyll ravengard#bg3 ansur#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#ask to tag#wahoo had a lot of fun with the colors in this#we could have had it alllllll wyll shouldve been able to bond with the dragon#like ough how do you think wyll feels about casting spells like eyebite and blight#the ending of his quest is so.... lackluster#i like the emperor i think hes really interesting but like... he does kinda swoop in and take over the end of wyll's personal quest...
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
Brennan’s talked before about how as a poor young adult he lived in New York and struggled with food security. He tells a story of going to frozen yogurt places for free samples and a cheap dumpling spot because it was a lot of food.
His opinions on food and his described behaviours around food make a lot of sense in that context. He may be successful now and can be assured he can eat again when he’s hungry, but it appears he has legitimate trauma around his experiences with poverty because what he’s humorously describing is a trauma response. His mind hasn’t gotten rid of the anxiety of “I’m eating now so I better make it count because I don’t know when I will again.”
Because he’s a comedian he manages to frame it as a joke, but there’s certainly an underlying sadness. It also informs Evan Kelmp’s characterization. Capitalism is the root issue here and poverty is state-sanctioned economic abuse.
Anyway, I hope he’s doing well and taking care of himself.
#dimension 20#d20#gastronauts#brennan lee mulligan#evan kelmp#I don’t typically talk about the actors like this#because I don’t know them but I found this a striking through line#this is the kind of analysis I’d do for a character#but he’s a real person#but given what he’s said it feels cogent#and it feels important to note our favourite funny man had to struggle to eat#a lot of people do#and the harm that food insecurity inflicts is long lasting#that’s the message here#hey there centaurs
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
hmm.
#STOP WITH THE GREENDAY JOKES IVE HAD ENOUGH#internet#old web#old internet#was thinking about how 'lurk more' used to be a common phrase so people would learn forum etiquette before posting#but now..#the fact that the phrase 'netiquette' has died out entirely says a lot i feel
19K notes
·
View notes
Text
@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you
edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally
#dashboard#staff#tumblr update#comic#art#doodles#costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png#i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have#frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse#i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon#my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it#this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change#i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god.#edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme
28K notes
·
View notes
Text
Michael and Vanny had wild teen years in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#vanessa fnaf#fnaf vanny#micheal afton#security breach#fnaf 4#fnaf fanart#MORE OF Vanny and Michael hanging out 🔥🔥#I like to think both Michael and Vanessa were problem kids#just part of that alt emo moody scene#makes sense seeing both their teen years were pretty complicated#Vannesa finds the photos cute! Think they could of gotten along#if they were born around the same time and all#while Michael believes he’d been awful#he’s definitely more embarrassed about these old photos#I HOPE yall like Vanessa’s teen design!!#I had a lot of fun designing a younger look for her..#her being a scene girl just feels so right#Hope I got both Michael and Vanessa’s vibes right 🩵💜
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Holiday Classics
Been thinking about Ford watching the 70s Animated Lord of the Rings Movies... (companion comic to this post!)
#the other two VHS tapes Fidd's is holding are Rankin-Bass' The Hobbit (1977) and Return of the King (1980)! The 70s animated pseudo-trilogy!#A lot of people pointed out on my other lotr 'crossover' post that Ford would have seen the 70s movies!#And i wont lie i entirely forgot they existed. But now i remember i have so many feelings on it okay. Ford my silly LOTR nerd#I dont think he would have seen Bashkis in theaters. far as I can tell it was a VERY limited (likely mostly CA) run in the middle of winter#but Rankin-Bass'? Aired on NBC & ABC. He absolutely woulda watched them or rented a VHS later. Which is why he's most excited by Bashki's#He's just such a nerd. I need him to nerd out. But also lowkey angst on how his single focus on bill/the portal lead#him to neglecting even the small things in life. Like knowing a VHS release of an adaptation of his favourite book series had come out#GF fanart#Gravity Falls#gravity falls comic#Fan art#fanart#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#young fiddleford mcgucket#*holds two random VHS tapes in one hand to check Fidd's pose in the 2nd panel makes sense* Well thats mathamatically feasible!#young stanford pines#stanford pines#ford pines#Book of Bill#comic#artists on tumblr#my art#Grunkle ford#fiddauthor#cause Fidds is not talking about the movie there. Well okay he's talking about the portal but He COULD BE TALKING ABOUT- *I am dragged off*
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Edwin after the confession is a menace
Bonus Charles being normal about it:
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#give a man a warning Edwin smh#what is he doing anyway? is it on purpose? he just can't help himself now thta he accepted his feelings? he just likes saying it?#not even he know methinks#honestly charles should hear how loved he is often#i think edwin would agree#also I think it would be funny if they had to deal with a specific kind of creature at least once a year#i picked the church grim because there truly are a lot of stories about them#and it felt fitting
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
teeny tiney hut to make them all safe and sound
#critical role#fanart#art#the mighty nein#caleb widogast#jester lavorre#nott the brave#caduceus clay#beauregard lionett#yasha nydoorin#fjord stone#i had a lot of feelings about protectiveness and magic and this teeny gloving safe space in the middle of unfriendly and dangerous world#look at me getting emotional over dnd 5e spellbook
8K notes
·
View notes
Text
Now, you can take that as a gift, or you can take it as a curse. And that's up to you.
Eliot Spencer and Parker Doing the Things Others Won’t
Leverage (2008-2012)
04x01 The Long Way Down Job
05x09 The Rundown Job
#this parallel came to me like a fever dream last night#and I had to share the sadness with others#and then this sent me on a spiral about communication types between the ot3#Parker and Eliot understand each other so well#and a lot of what they have is silent communication#like that nod in the rundown job#between Parker and Hardison#direct communication#necessary and developed when figuring out their feelings#between Hardison and Eliot#physical and indirect communication#(ex: handshake bumping each other bickering)#I could write an essay#but instead I will leave you with this gifset#leverage#the long way down job#the rundown job#inde gifs#inde gifs: the long way down job#inde gifs: the rundown job#Eliot Spencer#Parker#inde gifs: leverage parallels#leverage parallels#fudge I need to reaclimate to tumblr fonts and heirarchy#I had no idea where to put the quote#graphic design degree and for what#inde gifs: leverage ot3#leverage ot3
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Edwin was sacrificed using a book about magic and rituals. So after escaping hell he became an expert in all magic elements and acquired all the books about the subject. Using his magic knowledge to help people (see Niko, or the ghost in the pilot)
Charles was beaten to death by bullies. So he became the brawn, using his cricket bat to defend people. Beating up demons and violent people (see David,).
something about Edwin and Charles taking the thing that had killed them and making It their greatest weapon to help others.
#edwin payne#charles rowland#i have a lot of feelings about them#the more i think about them the more i am upset about Netflix cancellation#cause they had so much more to explore#dead boy detectives#save dead boy detectives
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.
And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”
And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.
He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.
And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.
Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.
And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.
But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.
Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.
It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.
Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.
And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.
And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.
And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.
“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”
And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.
And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”
#mary Winchester could have been a good character#and the Mary&Cas friendship could’ve been everything#Mary deserved to learn about her sons from someone who loved them#and she deserved to see how they were never truly alone#like that whole scene I was screaming for Cas to talk to her#Cas helping Mary navigate the stress of situating herself into her boys life could’ve been so powerful#because he had to do that and he’d know#and Dean having cas to keep going to as he tried to cope with his own side of things???#im just saying#this show robbed us of a lot but this is one thing I feel especially bitter to have missed out on#Castiel#dean winchester#mary winchester#spn#supernatural#destiel#deancas
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Family Portrait
The only family he has.
#Still always thinking about how he knew all their names years later#Why do I feel the need to do this to myself#You can count- They're all there#I think this is one of the darker things I've drawn#It felt really heavy#Also I'm totally only posting this today because that's when the reaping happens#no other reason#the hunger games#catching fire#mockingjay#I've actually had this idea for MONTHS#like since December#but as you can imagine-it took a lot of motivation#please don't let this flop istg#hunger games fanart#haymitch abernathy#thg haymitch#thg series#katniss everdeen#katniss#peeta#district 12#sunrise on the reaping#suzanne collins
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
8K notes
·
View notes