#thedracoarchives

[dracochronicles]

Introduction?

Hello! Feel free to call me Draco or "The Draco Archives"/"The Draco Chronicles". I'm currently a singlet(?) who's wanting to take the time to create a headmate (or multiple). This is my account to chronicle my journey with plurality.

Something to keep in mind with this account: I already am questioning my plurality. Though, I do not claim and will not claim to have a dissociative disorder. I know how scary it is second hand from one of my partners who is a traumagenic system (Blackmailed with it due to the fear surrounding DID and the like).

My reasoning is that I do not want to be alone an I believe that having another in my head may also help me with situations I may clam up at. I do have trauma, but I do not want to put that on my headmate.

Please let me know if something I said was wrong. I'm very new and I don't know the ins and outs of systemhood and all the right terms an phrases and such.

I will be aiming to try and post everyday to post about my journey from creating the wonderland to creating headmates. All I ask is to keep syscourse off my blog. I just wanna live life and relax for once.

DNI

Sysmeds/Anti-Endos. I am working to become a willogenic system because of my stated reasons and many others that I haven't. I'm aware of the fact that traumagenic systems aren't something to look forward to. I'm not traumagenic though. I don't want to roleplay DID or other dissociative disorders.

Radqueers & TransIDs. I am a trans individual. Though I do not trust those who call themselves these things. Especially from what I have seen that is accepted. It goes against the fact that I don't want to deal with harmful paraphilias. With transIDs, I just don't understand. Though some of them that are harmful scare me honestly.

Harmful Paraphilias. I am uncomfortable with these sorts of indiviuals. I have, am, and always will get extremely uncomfortable. Especially if they're not looking for help. I have my reasons.

Anti's in general. I am alterhuman. I am not wanting to deal with that.

Minors. This is a personal preference since I am 21. I do not want to interact with those under the age of 18, and that's even pushing it for me. I'd prefer if you were also 21+ if you want to interact.

[dracochronicles]

My Apologies, and Updates

I haven't started yet on becoming willogenic after my breakdown yesterday. It severely messed me up. Especially since I am going to the same state my mother lives in for Thanksgiving to hold up my end of a promise to a family member that didn't traumatize me. Will not post every day just yet as I need to regulate my emotions and prepare myself for anything that happens when I am there. I will be leaving my partners the 24th of November and won't be back until the 2nd of December. A little over a week being away from my anchors and the people I love and cherish.

As for updates, I have a generalized idea of the wonderland. Something that would be a calm and tranquil place. It's something I have somewhat imagine already via meditations for other things. A log cabin in the middle of the woods, away from civilization. A campfire not too far away. The cabin being ever changing to fit the amount of willomates I may gain. Especially when giving each their own room to decorate as pleased. I'm still working it all out, but hopefully this will suffice for now as I take care of myself these next few weeks.

Remember, you all are valid. Endogens, traumagns, willogens and more. Make sure to eat a snack and drink something hydrating today. The body deserves nutrients.

[dracochronicles]

Phenomenal... (TW: Vent)

Had an anti-endo come onto my blog and repost my introduction post. I am aware I cannot figure out I have DID at 21. I know it forms between 6-8 years old when personality in the brain is starting to develop. I never stated I had the disorder.

Telling me to go kill myself and that you hope my partner dumps me...

THANK YOU FOR UNINTENTIONALLY BRINGING UP MY FUCKING TRAUMA! THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF WHEN MY MOTHER BEAT ME IN THE HEAD MULTIPLE TIMES, MULTIPLE DAYS, AS A TEENAGER! TELLING ME THAT SHE BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD AND SHE CAN TAKE ME OUT! THAT SHE WANTED ME DEAD! THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME THAT I HAD TO ENDURE ISOLATION FROM MY PARTNER AFTER A REALLY SHITTY BREAK UP BECAUSE SOMEONE MANIPULATED AND BLACKMAILED THEM BECAUSE DID IS FEARED IN OUR SOCIETY! THAT THEY DIDN'T TRUST ME TO LOVE THEM THROUGH IT ALL, EVEN THOUGH I'D DIE TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE SAFE! NO MATTER THE PERSONAL COST

...

...

Things are better... I guess? I still feel absolute fear my partner will leave me because of who I am now every now and again... I have felt symptoms of depersonalization and derealization before. I have felt like someone else has taken control of my mind before while I went on autopilot. Sometimes I hear things in my head that aren't me. I have a memory so bad most of my childhood is forgotten. That sometimes I forget what was said to me not but 10 minutes ago...

I decided to go down this path because I don't want to feel crazy. I never said I have DID or wanted it. I just wanted a willomate that understood me and would keep me company. I have a hard time letting go of control and it doesn't allow me to trust easily.

Please read my DNI, I clearly stated for Anti-Endos and Sysmeds to not interact with my blog. Respect my boundaries like I am yours. I'm not interacting with you on my blog. I'm not reposting, or commenting, or liking, or messaging. I'm just being me and minding my own business.

Now, I do apologize for the caps lock. I was angry and wanted to prove a point. I have trauma, some of it that actually has been repeated since I was somewhere around 6-8. It just never got so severe to actually become a system through trauma. I do not have the funds for therapy. I'm literally lucky to have the partners that I do.

I just hope people leave me the fuck alone. I'm tired. This vent has now served it's puropse

[dracochronicles]

Excuse my Deletion of Posts

I had gotten an anonymous message telling me that “willogenic” was a radqueer term.

From my research and seeing the same exact anon message, I am going to stick to my stance of being pro willogenic. Unless this anon can give proof of the coiner’s stance on radqueer individuals, I will not change my stance.

From my knowledge, the coiner was anonymous. No one knows their stance on being radqueer. Most people I have seen are anti-radqueer. Transplurals are a completely different thing than willogenic systems.

Also, if I remember correctly, system isn’t exactly a medical term in the plural part of it. For the anon saying it is, give me evidence. Hard proof that it started out being medical.

A reminder, keep me out of drama and syscourse. I don’t want to deal with the hate that comes out with it. Give respect to earn respect. You being chill with us means we’ll be chill with you.

Anti-endos, Sysmeds and Radqueers (TransIDs included) fuck off.

[dracochronicles]

Only back temporarily. Just a heads up that this blog may start deleted posts. It will be blacking out in its own right.

I have to make a password for this account to actually be able to delete it. Since I don’t, I’m unable to do so right now.

Until I get it together. Just fuck off if you’re coming to harass me.

My last post was about an ask in the ask box that was from a willogenic system cursing at me about what I said in a previous post. Admittedly, I avoid using TransPlural and radqueer terms (mostly, I still have yet to see anything about willogenic being exclusively used as a radqueer term). I don’t like them as I have seen blogs who have bah blogs adding harmful paraphilias to their templates. I don’t support anyone like that. In recovery? Cool. Don’t fucking tell me though. I don’t want to interact with you, be it recovering or not.

I don’t have issues with anyone else. I just want to be left the fuck alone by everyone who wants to be an asshole.

As a side note: Maybe I will come back, but right now, it’s not alright with my deteriorating mental health. I will not let us suffer through the shit that’s happened any longer. We’re focusing on ourselves. Curse in the ask box again and I will turn anon off so you can show your collective accounts. I will burn bridges if I get another ask cursing us out again.

Fucking respect us if you want to be respectful to you.

If you feel disrespected, come to us respectfully and let us know what we said that is hurtful. If you’re not going to respect us, then we aren’t apologizing as you hurt us back. That’s our preemptive apology.

Anyways, we’ll be blacking out most of the account. Deletion of the account is still up in the air as of right now. We will not ask if anyone wants us to stay. That’s guilt tripping. We will decide if we leave or stay by the new year. By then most of our seasonal depression shouldn’t be as bad and our emotions not as mentally taxing.

As a reminder: Anti-Endos, Sysmeds, Radqueer/TransIDs fuck off and stay away from the blog. This isn’t your safe haven.

[dracochronicles]

anon back! first off, i'd like to apologise if my tone has come off as rude or standoffish, i believe i have been nothing but kind. second, i believe i may have failed to properly communicate what i meant by willogenic being a transID/radqueer term. it was not coined by a radqueer, but it is just another name for being TransPlural, which is exclusive to transID and radqueers.

as for system being a medical term, you will find that plural is NEVER used in medical journals. that's because it was a term that was adopted by endos to explain their experiences without infringing on the space of psychiatric systems.

hope this helps!

Please show me where. Respectfully, give me links. I believe links are turned off on my ask box, so reblog with this information. This is specifically about the radqueer/transID specific part.

I will do personal research where system came up first. If you are right, I’ll get off my high horse. If I’m right, please stop.

I don’t even use system tags (as in willogenic system/endogenic system) as I am not fully separate. I am only just learning to separate.

A reminder: sysmeds, anti-endos and radqueers/transIDs fuck off.

[dracochronicles]

Separation of Emotions

Something I have realized is that I am separated from intense emotions. Anger and Jealousy primarily. Though, I have had moments of intense sadness that have felt separated from me at any given point. I do not think that they are completely different entities, but it's not impossible. Apathy, Anger, Jealousy, Sadness. All of them when intense enough feel like something that isn't me. I just have a very hard time hearing voices in my head throughout the day. Is it survival mode or is it because I can't hear an internal monologue?

I'm unsure, but I do think I have some form of plurality that isn't completely formed. I think I will be using we and I interchangeably here. Maybe it'll help with the headmate formation as well? Unsure, but who knows? It might just work.

Anyway, I have experienced separation of my emotions for years. I believe since we were a kid? I won't go into it as it is quite traumatic and this isn't my venting blog. But, we know it became 10x worse when our break up happened at the beginning of the year. January 20th to around the end of March. 2 months of severe masking. Additional time where we didn't feel safe enough to let our feelings be free because of fear of rejection. Throat tightening fear for clarification, that fear where you need to shake your head because you are fighting yourself to open up and speak.

I have my reasons to believe that my emotions are separated. I have my reasons as to why we believe we are multiple in some way. Though, forcing ourselves to dissect our trauma through the years wouldn't be healthy.

For anyone who may try fakeclaiming me, no. I am not calling myself disordered. I still stand firmly against calling myself a disordered system. I don't have fully separate states of being. I do not fully see and don't hear things too often. I'm different. I will still go down the willogenic path for my reasons I have stated before in past posts. I will still consider myself endogenic as we are not disordered. Please respect us with this. I know us, those outside of me do not know my experiences or past. I am me, you are you. Respect me and we will be chill with you.

Anti-endos and sysmeds fuck off my blog. My experiences aren't up for debate. If you have issues, either say them respectfully or keep them to yourselves if respect isn't on your radar.

[dracochronicles]

For the second person who reposted my introduction, please read my DNI.

I clearly stated for anti-endos to not interact with my page. I do not tag my posts with anything other than what is relevant to my page. I’m not gonna repost because you obviously want to fight if I do. I don’t have the energy to get angry.

This may sound like a rude statement, but you are nothing but dirt beneath my shoe. A faceless being behind a screen. I don’t care for your opinion on me and what I do. I’m keeping to my corner of the internet. You are best to keep to yours. No reason to interact with each other and cause drama.

My vent post says enough. My introduction says enough. I’m not wasting anymore energy on you. Stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you. Better yet, as I’m on mobile and can’t do it right now, I will be blocking you when I get the chance.

As I stated with my vent post, I am not reblogging, commenting, liking or messaging anti-endos and sysmeds. As stated in my introduction, I really don’t want to interact with syscourse since I am not a system yet. It’s not my place. If one interact, it will be like this. Being semi-anonymous with who it was who reposts.

Also, yes, I am 21. 2003 child. And by the way, I go by he/they pronouns. Can’t fault you for not knowing as it isn’t shown in my bio or introduction. Anyway, have the day you deserve.

Edit: My apologies. I am currently trying to figure out how to block out certain tags and am looking into different anti-endo/sysmed accounts to block. I pushed it off half out of procrastination, half out of genuine forgetfulness. I still stand on my point that I won't interact unless they start first. This is unless I end up with another breakdown on my hands. I'm not going to seem weak again.