#the wtf are you even doin this for

[professorbussywinkle]

My unpopular opinion as a trans person, is if you are trans...

...and you feel this need to be constantly propped up by external validation from other people around you all the time...

...and if the second that external validation is not there you feel like your world is going up in flames and you'll never recover from it cuz you felt your identity was invalidated somehow...

...then I'm sorry, you don't have a strong sense of conviction in your own identity, and trust, imma be so real with you rn, the people who already dont wanna respect you, who are already looking to cut someone down like that cuz they miserable, can easily sense that in you and will undoubtedly exploit it if you let them cuz it makes them feel powerful...don't give them that satisfaction, a mf like that clearly don't deserve it

And I don't think misgendering is this all caps, red-alert, human rights violation that some trans people make it out to be

I am the sole purveyor holding all acute insights about myself and my identity, other people outside of me can not and never will have that acute and valuable insight, so how other people perceive me, or how they choose to adresss me, regardless of my own preferences, frankly...does not concern me in the slightest like...why would I let some mf tell me about myself as if I somehow already didn't know myself more intimately than they ever could?? How could their minor surface level perceptions hold a greater weight than my own deep and measured insight about myself??

Y'all, shit from a mf like that will never hold that weight to me, because I know exactly what I am, and I value it highly and hold my knowledge of myself in the highest of regards, that's my power, and that's my peace and it comes from a divine source...

...and I don't blame y'all for this, but some of y'all don't have that conviction, and thats why y'all be getting your assholes twisted in knots from being misgendered and invalidated, and honestly if you don't know exactly what and who you are...

...Then thats also totally fucking fine too!

I applaud anyone who has the nerve to trudge inside themselves as intimately as trans people do, in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life, and in the aim of actualizing yourself to your highest capacity

But y'all...I guarantee you, if you aren't sure, and you straight out the gate let people know you ain't figure it out all the way yet, anyone who actually gives enough of a fuck about you to try and exert repeated conscious effort to respect you in the ways you're asking to, is always gonna be worth having in your corner, and actually they will respect you more and appreciate your humility and grace for working with them, even if they don't get it right 100% of the time.

Oh and also...choosing to get pissed off, defensive, or lashing out, and forcing people to feel like they gotta walk on eggshells around you for the fear they're gonna accidentally unintentionally trigger you in some way is actually a form of emotional abuse, and maybe you shouldn't do that, especially to the ones that give enough of a damn to even try being there for you in that type of way in the first place, hmm??

[xxcrumbxx]

Hello hello soo um im still workin on it ,ive been kinda burnt out from it an ik thers no real preshure and im wayyy past valintinse day but heres a wip of those silly lil valintines cards

Also today is my birth day im 22 now so .. Thats a thing. Anyway im planing on making like 3 alternet vershions of eclips 1 with the cannon tipical 2 arm pre decomishion desighn 1 with the 4 armed fannon /cannon design and 1 with the 4 armed ballone world desighn. Probly ganna take a bit but what ever it will be valintine in fuckin may who cares lol

[thelittleprinceconfirmed]

I'm obsessed with her. Also pfp

[welivefast-dieyoung]

I was watching an edit of Will Poulter and I started giggling and biting my finger. We are so back and it's also never been so over. Like this is a very dire situation we're in right now. And I haven't even told you what I've found out astrologically (He's an Aquarius ofcourse he is because wtf else would he be 🙄). And I'm supposed to sit in a cinema for like an hour and a half tomorrow? Watching him yell at people?! Please lord don't let me moan in front of my friend.

[slimepuparibaba]

Stars and Asters: Chapter Prologue or something

hi welcome to my last attempt at ever making stuff on this shitshow of a genshin au here are some groundrules before we start

Ari's Braindead Notes:

canon divergent. heavily. characters will change. events will change. canon is a blank canvas, and we tore it apart and set it on fire before repurposing it into a pinata and beating the crap out of it to get colorful candy

chilumi is like main focus ok i dont make the rules no i am not changing my mind shut up i love them

theres some weird other interdimensional shenaniganary that i might make into another fucking brainrot shitpost thingamajig but for now just accept that genshin is a simulation, nothing is real, and they are all trapped in a game

did i mention we be canoning the divergent

anywho here's chapter prologue or whatever the fuck im trying to make this as fun as possible ok have fun byeeee

CHAPTER PROLOGUE: THE WORLD IS FUCKED!

[WORDCOUNT: 385] (its the prologue okay cut me slack--)

So, once upon a time, the universe existed. Hear me out here, okay? It. It exists.

There are worlds that are created from pre-existing worlds. Some people call them Simulated Worlds, Bubble Worlds, etc. It honestly just. Doesn't matter what you call them. Just know that these worlds are created as soon as someone creates them.

The initial creator of that world creates the "seed"--this seed has blueprints on the initial version of the world. Major characters, events, locations, et cedera.

From there, the seed grows overtime as it's introduced into the rules of reality. As the seed "sprouts", it grows into a beautiful tree, branching out to create differing worlds. The farther up the tree? The farther away from the original seed it becomes. And when it becomes different enough, that world disconnects from that tree and becomes it's own world seperated from this system.

Each world has two things it's born with. Some have dubbed this a God Program and the World System.

A God Program is basically what it sounds like. Each world needs to have a protector, a parental-like figure to watch over it. They're not allowed to intervene unless the World System allows it to.

Then there's the World System. The World System is like the child, growing and ever-changing, adapting and living it's own life under the protection of the God Program. However, it is vulnerable, and needs to be protected at all costs.

The two work together in tandem to keep the flow of that world safe. Everything there is left to develop on it's own.

Except, there's just... one thing that exists. Something that can disrupt that harmony.

It's said long ago, not long after the universe was created, a tragedy struck, and corruption spread across the world. A struggle for complete control over order and chaos. Thus was born a Seed of MAlice--a SOMA.

When a SOMA comes into contact with a God Program, it will corrupt it. There are only ever two outcomes: the God Program will seek to destroy the world entirely, or will attempt to "recreate" it into the perfect blueprint of the original "Seed" the world stemmed from

This phenomena was the same phenomena that struck one of the Genshin Worlds. The World of Stars and Asters.

Welcome. Let's start the Game.

<masterpost> &lt;next>

[yharnamesque]

I'm so glad I finally got the double jump boots in DOOM because honestly my stupid ass has been playing this game like a Destiny hunter since level one I can't help myself

[whoregana]

hi 🥺🫶 i’m so glad someone’s doing p! links for the pitt bc i’ve held onto this robby link for so long:

https://x.com/rpr_media/status/1914741207751864672?s=46&t=7aQuMvdaUtQt4ngy65b9dw

tell me why it looks exactly like him 😭

(LINK) oooh my god. wtf IT DOESSS

"keep takin' it for me, sweetheart" he grunts just below your ear, tongue slinking out to taste your skin. "doin' so good–fuck. doin' so good for me."

you can only suck in a few gasps as robby drives into you. your hands touch again his stomach and that's all you let them do. the last time you're body tried to push him away, the weight of his cock filling you endlessly, all robby did was pin your wrists and fuck you harder.

"f-fu..."

your mouth can't even finish the curse that spills out, throat tightening with a silent scream when robby deepens his thrust. you jolt as his body smacks into yours, mind numbing with a fuzz that melts you into the mattress.

"love you like this," robby coos, accidentally drooling onto your shoulder. "letting me cream you nice and deep. you want me to fill you up, angel? yeah? gonna let me fill you to the fuckin' brim since you being so good for me?"

the only thing your body allows is a whimpering nod, and robby accepts it with a sputtering of his hips. thrusts growing sloppy, the man sounds off with a tumble of groans that almost sound like your name.

you pulse around robby, the hot of his load spilling inside you tugging across another peak of your own. your hole floods with a mixture of the two of you, and you know there's no need to worry about how much of a mess it's causing you to leak–robby'll just lick you clean once you find the mind to release him from your fervid grip.

© whoregana

[sturnioz]

ik bun wouldn’t do this but how would fb chris react if she woke him up with head ??

like I can just image him being rlly like ‘wtf is this girl doing’ but then also it feeling good 🙂‍↕️

please talk to your partners before attempting anything like this. communication is key. consent is important.

you steal a glance at chris, your bottom lip tucked between your teeth as you squint through the morning light that seeps through the curtains of his room. he's sprawled across the bed, his hair a tousled mess, and his lips are slightly parted as he releases quiet, steady breaths.

your eyes flit down to the sheets, noticing a lump beneath and you swallow thickly, your cheeks feeling hot as you struggle to look away. there's a familiar ache between your legs, but you push it to the side as you carefully slip under the covers, gnawing on your lip nervously as you clumsily move to lay on your stomach between his legs.

you're not entirely sure what came over you to do this—or even where the confidence has came from—but your hands are moving to the bulge in his boxers, wrapping your fingers around his cock through the fabric.

you release your bottom lip from your teeth as you hook your fingers into the waistband on his boxers and slowly pulling them down, his cock springing up once it's freed, resting against his stomach and bubbling with pre-cum.

swallowing nervously, your warm mouth wraps around the tip, swirling your tongue around the sensitive head like you've done many times before—using your hand in a gentle stroking motions as you carefully bob your head, just as he likes.

chris' hips twitch, a tired, groggy groan slipping past his lips, and you pause for a moment before resuming again.

you remember a brief conversation you had with bee and kitty, remembering how they openly told you they both woke up nate and matt before with head—how happy the boys were for the rest of the day after receiving such a gift.

you know chris' has been a little stressed lately. with what? you had no idea. but you wanted to give him something nice, to put a smile on his face even if it was just for a few minutes.

you hum, more startled than content, as you feel chris' hips twitch again, his legs moving a little beside your body as you continue bobbing your head—taking more of his cock into your mouth with each pass.

"fu... fuck.." you hear chris rasp, and you flinch a little when the covers are lifted off of your head, the sudden light almost blinding your eyes and you squeeze them shut as they water a little. "bun, what're doin'?"

you do reply to him, but it's probably not the smartest idea giving the explanation with his cock down your throat. it wasn't coherent, he didn't understand a word you said, but that didn't really matter to him—not when you're all spitty and drooly around his cock.

"ho... holy shiiiiit," chris' neck strains as he throws his head back, his fingers tangling in your hair to help guide your movements.

you're a little embarrassed by the wet, slurping sounds you're making, but you are a little proud of yourself for how he's reacting, especially when he lets out a guttural moan as he feels your cheeks hallow around him.

a strangled grunt leaves him as his hips start to move, shallowly thrusting into the warmth of your mouth and you allow him to do as he pleases, keeping in mind what he taught you before about using less teeth. (you scraped him once on accident, and you refuse to ever let it happen again).

"fuck, m'gonna cum," he whispers, licking his lips as he glances down at you with hooded lids, nostrils flaring at he breathes heavily. "y'gonna swallow it f'me, bun?"

divider credits. @issysh3ll

© STURNIOZ

[bluewxrld07]

MISS POSSESSIVE - INSTA AU (Luke Hughes) Pt. 2

Warning(s) : none :)

Summary: in which Y/N’s new relationship blows up as well as her new album

Lhughes_06 just made a post!

Liked by Y/N.L/N, nicohischier, jackhughes, Edwards.73, and 756k others

lhughes_06 Still waiting at the green light

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colecaufield awww this guy is such a simp

Edwards.73 Ice king right there

fan7 He is so fine omfg Y/n is a lucky girl

fan79 Upgrade for sure

jackhughes get cold like Minnesota

y/n.l/n trying to make a beeline

Bff_ig just made a post!

Liked by Y/N.L/N, Edwards.73, jackhughes, lhughes_06, and 300k others

Bff_ig : Yes I’m miss possessive, sorry to who is seeing this 😙 (sooo proud of this bestie boo tho😭😭🥰)

Tagged y/n.l/n

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Trevorzegras CAN I JOIN

y/n.l/n No

Bff_ig Nope

Edwards.73 No

Lhughes_06 Absolutely not

Trevorzegras fancy seeing YOU TWO HERE Edwards.73 Lhughes_06

Jackhughes THATS CRAZY ON THE ACTUAL IG BFF/N

Fan3 I just know being in their friendgroup there is never a dull moment

Lhughes_06 just made a post!

Liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, Edwards.73, bff_ig, and 900k others

Lhughes_06 : No lie, girl you're lookin' sexy in the magazine, but what're you doin' after the photos?

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fan3 OMG HE POSTED HERRRRR

fan6 I need me a guy like Luke wtf

bff_ig I don't even think she has ever smiled this big for me wut

y/n.l/n take that back rn

jackhughes WHIPPEDDDD

y/n.l/n I know love ❤️

fan8 You can so tell he brings out the absolute best in her

quinnhughes little bro all grown up

Lhughes_06 Hush

Edwards.73 AW SHUCKS YALL

y/n.l/n just made a post!

liked by bff_ig, lhughes_06, jackhughes, addisonraee, and 998k others

y/n.l/n ❤️‍🩹

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fan56 oh so I'm gonna ugly cry for this? ok

fan90 So strong, have so much love for you <3

lhughes_06 speechless everytime

lhughes_06 I'm so proud of you

bff_ig The way you had me ugly sobbing during this

Edwards.73 bro why you gotta do me like that, now I'm crying

fan78 She is so real for this

lhughes_06 made a post!

liked by bff_ig, quinnhughes, y/n.l/n, nicohischier, jackhughes, and 700k others

lhughes_06 She said I could, so I absolutely did. Yeah I know what this is 🏎️

tagged y/n.l/n

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fan6 oh she needs to have a blonde moment for sure

fan89 she is BLONDE??? HELLO!!!!?

bff_ig hottest fit change ever to this day

lhughes_06 top three

bff_ig oh??? and what is number 1??? lhughes_06

lhughes_06 did her purple lace bra get your attention??? bff_ig

y/n.l/n I so knew it lhughes_06

y/n.l/n maybe shouldn't have brought the wig home

lhughes_06 oh no you definitely should've

Edwards.73 NOT IN THE COMMENTS WHERE I CAN SEE IT

Y/N.L/N just made a post!

Liked by 2.4m others

Y/N.L/N AHHHHHH SOOO excited to announce my latest album, Miss Possessive, will be out 2/21! I can't wait for you all to hear it, I hope you love it as much as I doooo 😘

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fan45 AGH IM FERAL

fan1 oh this album is gonna EAATTTT

Bff_ig I'm soooo proud of you agh I'm crying, this album is the newest and best era yet

Edwards.73 Why not now I need this album now

rutgermcgroarty Ethan is actually secretly Y/n's biggest fan

Edwards.73 SECRETLY??? rutgermcgroarty

bff_ig Do I need to have you come meet your idol? Edwards.73

Edwards.73 OMFG REALLY bff_ig

y/n.l/n You're literally across the room Edwards.73

fan9 Ethan really acts like us all and I'm here for it

Lhughes_06 Can't wait to scream this out in the open with the windows down

y/n.l/n You already scream it in the studio what do you mean lmfao Lhughes_06

Lhughes_06 exactly, but NOW I will be able to in the car with the windows down 😎 y/n.l/n

Jackhughes I feel like a proud mom

bff_ig just made a post!

Liked by Edwards.73, y/n.l/n, lhughes_06, Joey_9 and 795k others

bff_ig So proud of you, so happy to see you finally heal and grow into the best version of yourself <3

tagged y/n.l/n

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fan6 Stop imma cry wtf

fan78 I need me a bestie like her

fan2 Literal iconic duo right here they're my faves awww

y/n.l/n Making me tear up stop it rn

y/n.l/n I love you my sweet 🥰

Edwards.73 Okay but y'all are some cutie patooties

Lhughes_06 Our cutie patooties Edwards.73

bff_ig mwah Edwards.73

y/n.l/n 😘😘 Lhughes_06

Y/n.l/n just made a post!

Liked by lhughes_06, bff_ig, jackhughes and 1.2m others

y/n.l/n : Surpriiiiise, It's ok I'm ok and Two Hands music videos out now 🤭 enjoy my loves ❤️

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fan6 AHHHHH Y/N L/N AT MIDNIGHTTTTT

fan2 WAIT WAIT I WASN'T READY, BUT I'M GOING ANYWAYSSS

fan9 YES Y/N THIS NEW ERA IS POPPING AWFFFFFF

Lhughes_06 Idk how it's possible but I feel like I'm falling for you all over again

y/n.l/n Making my heart swell love Lhughes_06

bff_ig MY FAAAAAAAVES YES GET INTO ITTTT

Edwards.73 I'm getting so much shit rn at the Hockey house...

y/n.l/n why 🤣 Edwards.73

Rutgermcgroarty He is blaring the music videos from the living room y/n.l/n

Lucafantilli And is making us all scream the lyrics with him y/n.l/n

Edwards.73 I'M A BIG FAN OF Y/N OK

bff_ig If y'all weren't related I would be concerned Edwards.73

y/n.l/n you and me both bff_ig

Lhughes_06 just made a post!

Liked by 900k others

Lhughes_06 : Proud boyfriend moment. I can't say it enough how proud I am of you. Watching you grow from friends to the light of my life, I cannot wait to see what else you do ❤️

Tagged y/n.l/n

comments disabled

[sturniololuvz]

Could you write a fic about the triplets having a sister whose the same age as them (like theyre quadruplets) and they're in college and chris is in a frat and one night he gets a call from a friend from another frat whose throwing a party that his sister is too drunk and asks him to come get her and chris brings her back to his dorm (he has his own) and takes care of her (and maybe matt and nick call him worried because she had drunk texted them?) thank you sm :))))) <333333

“You Good, Quad?”

Chris was halfway through a ping pong game in the basement of his frat house when his phone started vibrating on the table.

He ignored it at first—figured it was a group text, or maybe Nick being dramatic about a class again.

But it buzzed again. And again. Then it started ringing.

“Dude, your phone’s having a seizure,” one of his brothers joked, tossing the ball back.

Chris grabbed it, and froze when he saw the name:

“Danny (Beta Chi)”

He answered fast.

“Yo?”

“Chris, man—hey, I didn’t know if I should call you or one of your other brothers, but—uh—Y/N’s here.”

Chris’s blood ran cold.

“Wait, where’s here?”

“Beta Chi house. She came with some girls from her dorm. She’s… not doin’ great.”

Chris didn’t even ask for details. He just grabbed his keys and started pushing through the crowd.

“I’m on my way.”

⸻

It took six minutes to get to the Beta Chi house, and every single one of those minutes, his phone was blowing up.

Nick:

bro is y/n drunk???

wtf is she texting me rn???

“i love u so much dont let chris be mean” ????

Matt:

she just texted me “do u think birds get hangovers”

do we need to go get her??

Chris didn’t answer either of them.

He was already out of his car and storming up the porch steps when the front door opened and Danny stepped out, guiding someone toward him.

“Chris,” Danny called. “She’s okay, I think. Just really out of it. She wouldn’t stop saying you were gonna be mad.”

And there she was.

Y/N. His quad.

Makeup smudged, hoodie half-off her shoulder, hair a mess. She was giggling at nothing, mumbling under her breath, and gripping a plastic cup with nothing in it.

Chris’s jaw clenched so hard he thought he might break a tooth.

“Y/N,” he snapped.

Her eyes lit up in slow-motion, hazy and unfocused. “Chrisy! Oh my GOD—why’re there two of you…”

He sighed, stepping forward and catching her before she could sway sideways. “Jesus, Y/N, what the fuck were you thinking?”

Danny gave an awkward half-shrug. “I didn’t even know she was here till she started crying in the kitchen asking for you.”

Chris closed his eyes and took a breath. “Thanks, man. I got her.”

Y/N leaned against his chest, wrapping her arms around him lazily. “You smell like beer. Wait, are you drunk too? We can be drunk together, quad—”

“No. Not happening.” Chris tightened his grip around her waist. “Come on. You’re staying with me tonight.”

She hiccuped. “Ugh, your bed is always cold.”

“Yeah, well,” he muttered as they walked toward the car, “get used to it. You’re not gonna feel warmth again for the next decade if you pull shit like this.”

⸻

Chris got her into his dorm after a rough elevator ride and a full five minutes of her singing Taylor Swift lyrics off-key into his hoodie sleeve.

Once the door shut behind them, he helped her sit on his bed and crouched in front of her, holding her shoulders.

“Y/N. You good?”

She blinked at him, dazed. “Yeah, I’m so good. I’m—like—champagne good. I love you.”

Chris stared. “You can’t even sit up straight.”

“I can too,” she argued, immediately tipping sideways and catching herself with a weak giggle. “See?”

Chris exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through his hair.

“You scared the shit out of me, Y/N.”

She looked up, expression shifting slightly. “Wait… are you mad?”

“Yes, I’m mad. You were drunk off your ass in some frat house where you don’t know anyone, and I had to find out from Danny that you were crying and asking for me. You know how fucking dangerous that could’ve been?”

Tears started to fill her eyes immediately.

“Hey, no,” he said, softer now, moving to sit beside her and wrapping an arm around her. “Don’t cry. I’m not mad like—like I hate you or anything. I’m mad because I care, alright? Because if anything happened to you, I’d never forgive myself.”

She sniffled, voice wobbling. “I didn’t mean to get that drunk. I just wanted to feel better. I was sad and my friends were going and I thought if I was around people I wouldn’t feel like shit and then I had two drinks and I was fine and then I wasn’t.”

Chris pulled her into his chest, letting her cry into his hoodie.

“You should’ve told me you were feeling like shit. Or Matt. Or Nick.”

“I did,” she whimpered. “I sent Nick like seventeen emojis.”

Chris let out a breath of something that was almost a laugh and kissed the top of her head.

His phone buzzed again.

Matt:

is she with u??

please say yes

she’s not answering me or nick and we’re kinda freaking out

Chris texted back fast.

She’s safe. With me. I got her. She’s sleeping soon.

I’ll call in a bit.

He looked down at you, still in his arms, sniffling quietly.

“Next time?” he said gently. “Tell me you’re going out. And don’t get so drunk that you forget who’s got your back.”

“I won’t,” you whispered, curling into his chest. “Swear.”

He pulled a blanket over you and laid back, letting you bury your face into his arm. His voice was soft this time.

“You’re my quad, Y/N. I’ll always come get you. Even if you fuck up.”

You hummed sleepily. “Love you, Chrisy.”

“Love you too, dumbass.”

⸻

[thelittleprinceconfirmed]

@biscuits-corner I'm blaming this on you

[oh-no-its-bird]

saw your kaguya/sakumo and raise you toneri otsutsuki being in love with kakashi instead of Hinata if only because i think it'd be really, really funny for the team to have to deal with the fact that a sorta god wants their sensei. and also for Hinata. like you go to rescue your sister only for her kidnapper to demand your hokages hand in marriage for her eyes and return. what the fuck do you do.

does this make sense? absolutely not. do i think it'd be funny anyway? absolutely yes.

I have NO idea who this man is but I am absolutely on board, 100000%, I love Kakashi crack ships. Kakashi gets his own space man !!! Good for him!

Looking him up and scrolling through his wiki rn, hes so cute?? I love his design wtf. Very fun story too-- was this a movie guy or part of the actual base anime? I dunno but Im a fan of him now, let him make Kakashi his attic wife, it'll be funny

I do think that objectively, the funniest thing u could do here is start off w the canon of him falling in love with Hinata, kidnapping her, all that-- but then he sees Kakashi and has Thoughts And Feelings(TM) and is now like. Conflicted.

This man does not know what polyamory is (and obviously neither Hinata or Kakashi would be interested either way, probably especially bc the other is involved bc that is weird and uncomfortable) and has never really faced what "love" truly is outside of this little box he has never been challenged ab

So he's like suddenly getting super in his own head ab what is love and if he's "cheating" on Hinata by feeling a certain way ab Kakashi (boy she dont even LIKE you) and he's never experienced sexual attraction before but oh man kakashi is DOIN smthn to him rn and he doesnt know whats happening

anyways he actually ends up getting totally distracted from his goal of killing all of humanity or whatever that's ab, because he then proceeds to kidnap Kakashi to add to his Moon Harem(tm) that he refuses to admit is a moon harem bc he condemns harems and looks down upon those with concubines and or multiple wives. But like thats for sure what he is laying in bed at night thinking ab. Im thinking like comedic christain guilt energy but also he is not christain and a moon man

Meanwhile Hinata and Kakashi are on the worst impromptu field trip of their LIVES and its made extra awkward bc like.

"Oh! Hi there, girl my students age who I occasionally interacted with as a literal child and who also looks up to me! I see that this alien has kidnapped the both of us-- you with the intent to marry and me because I apparently have triggered a concerningly intense gay crisis potentially linked to years of living alone on the moon w nothing but puppets!"

"It sure seems like that, semi-father figure to my boyfriend and also man w authority over me ,who is also almost twice my age, and who I may or may not be getting forcibly, indirectly married to! At least he's too busy having a crisis to remember that 'killing all of humanity' thing...?"

"I GUESS!"

Look on the bright side Hinata! At least you get to be the main wife!

Kakashi and Hinata get to bond over the fucking insanity of the situation and try to manipulate Toneri into letting them go (or, at minimum, encourage him to continue to be too fucking distracted having multiple crisis's revolving around them to get back on that killing humanity thing)

Meanwhile Naruto lost his fuckin girlfriend AND his sensei, this is literally the worst day of his fucking life

[eternal-kosmo-ghoul]

“even i’m not into that shit”

❤︎ synopsis — the sleep token members being fucking morons and fucking around

pairing: sleep token members x gn!reader (can be platonic or romantic)

theme: crack ✦

a/n: I’M BACK !!!! hopefully i don’t disappear for like a good fifty years after this. this is my third set of stupid ass headcanons. i pulled my shitty humor out of my ass for this one, enjoy !!! (the original ask got swallowed by my dumbass because i accidentally posted the unfinished fic 💀 this is dedicated to my bestie @dead-end-fanfiction)

cw: i think the title speaks for itself

▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆

➵ vessel

i just know this man is the most unhygienic motherfucker to ever exist

more specifically with his teeth. he cannot brush his teeth to save his life

like ??? this all powerful, dark deity, has the most stinky ass breath that if anyone dares to even breath it in, they’d disintegrate on the spot

like what the fuck vessel, you’re better than this

i love vessel but he just does weird shit sometimes

he sleeps butt ass naked

and one time you accidentally walked in on him while he was literally stripping to get ready for bed

he stood there like an npc while you were freaking out

“…. what’s wrong—“ “what’s wrong is that YOU’RE BUTT ASS NAKED IN FRONT OF ME—“

vessel is easily fascinated by human things. i mean - he was once human, so he likes to keep in touch every now and then.

however, out of all of the human things he had to have an obsession with.

… it was rubber ducks

this isn’t even explainable— how do you explain this all-powerful sleep entity to be obsessed with rubber ducks

he literally has a whole room dedicated to his collection of anything rubber duck related. give him a gift that has something to do with ducks and he’s making out with you on the spot

that’s not a joke, he did that with you before

➵ ii

this motherfucker is on his last limb and he’s being held together by paper clips

ii’s not even the leader but he cannot catch a break to save his life

he’s the only one that knows how to cook

one time he left ivy and the vesselettes in the kitchen by themselves. came back to house fires and high pitched screaming that definitely was not from the ladies

ii makes bomb ass banana cream pie though

ik for a fact this man does NOT keep his room clean

you once walked into his room to ask him a favor and there were like - a million drumsticks everywhere on the floor while he sat in the center of it

how does one possess that many drumsticks???

“dude what the f— clean your room!” “it gives me inner peace, y/n. go away.”

ii’s scared of the jollibee mascot

he once went out with his buddies to get some of that fast food. that giant red and yellow fuckass bee then came out of nowhere and spooked the shit out of ii

he then socked the guy in the face so hard the dude wearing the costume had a bloody nose

ii quickly fled the scene to not get arrested

after that he’s had a fear of fast food mascots in general, it’s kinda funny.

don’t bring ii near the jack in the box mascot though, he’s got some trauma from what he’s seen on twitter

➵ iii

zesty ahh mf

plays his bass like he’s fingering someone’s asshole like 🤨 whatcha doin’ iii ??

the type of man to set like fifty million alarms but never wakes up to any of them

however he wakes up everyone else in the process

it gets annoying hearing the “by the seaside” ringtone every morning at 6am. so one day you came into his room and poured ice cold water on him to wake him up

iii didn’t wake up from that btw, you thought it was dead

“…. bro wtf wake up—“

thankfully he wasn’t

biggest kpop stan

he’s a boy group stan and his favorite group is ateez

constantly blasting guerilla too

also i feel like iii owns a tumblr blog too

he’d be out here posting some shih like “pov you’re locked in a room w him for twenty four hours and you have to tickle his balls wyd” 💀

he probably posts also moodboards or some shi and tags them like an actual tumblr blogger

#it took my ahh fifty hours to make this plz repost it

stalks his fans on twitter

gets scared by said fans on twitter

“wdym they wanna get me pregnant”

breaks his bass every four hours during practice and vessel chews his ahh out every time

but it’s funny because you’re always there to help him

➵ ivy

he likes to act like he’s tough shit but ivy is a huge nerd

literally the definition of “magical in bed” except the magic is him explaining the gaming system of magic the gathering

hot asf but has no bitches frfr

also the definition of loser trapped in a hottie’s body

i’d like to believe that ivy has a crunchy ipad kid cough

and i mean CRUNCHY. bro will start choking on his saliva and start coughing like a dying seal

it’s quite hilarious, but also concerning at the same time

the first time you heard him cough like that, you were like 😟

“AEUGH- HEUGH— BEUHSHAK-“ “ivy—“

that pretty sums up the entire interaction

this bitch looks like he ate glue as a kid

more specifically glitter glue. the pink kind.

idk that sounds like ivy

he gets literal death coffee in the morning too btw

no ice. no sugar. straight shots of espresso.

eight shots, btw.

the coffee looks blacker than the black hole.

iii tried some of his coffee one time and spat it all in your face. ivy watched with his hell coffee in hand as you beat the shit out of iii

yeah, safe to say ivy was banned from having that kind of coffee for a while

so yeah. that pretty much sums up the kind of person ivy is

[sirra-no-bones]

TFP Groupchat: the Nemesis

Megatron: Alright who has had a crush on Optimus?

Soundwave: I have counted about seventeen raised servos.

Megatron: ?????????

Starscream: Master it’s Prime.

Megatron: wtf people actually tell their crushes they like them????

Breakdown: what the hell do YOU do?

Megatron: I die what kinda question is that

Megatron: I miss you That was a moment of weakness Fuck you

Megatronus: I bent Shakespeare over

Orion: whatever happened to ‘I passed the literature exam’???

Starscream: ‘Group therapy’? Oh you mean ‘Tragic: The Gathering?’

Soundwave: Cooking together is NOT romantic, MOVE out of my FUCKING way

Megatronus: How strong do you like your coffee? Soundwave: I want it to show up on a drug test

Shockwave: oooh

Starscream: Your face triggers me

Shockwave: Could this be ”affection” ??

Starscream: shut UP

Soundwave: We are all worried about you

Megatron: who is we are where what HAHAHAHAHA im on drugs

Starscream: I identify as tall.

Megatron: Aren’t you 5’2???

Starscream: I’m gonna strangle you.

Megatron: Can you even reach my neck?

Lazerbeak: What planet do you live on?

Soundwave: Constant stress.

Megatron: and the poor mutts on the stetts :( I wonder if there’s a dog like everyone knows like Beyoncé

Soundwave: r u high

Megatron: bagpncey

Megatron: hmmm

Starscream: what are you thinking about?

Megatron: World domination.

Starscream: Same.

Megatron: …You’re my world.

Starscream: Aw that’s sentimental of you WAIT WHAT

Megatronus: I’m making a bucket list.

Ulchtar: -bucket bucket bucket bucket Bucket bucket

Megatronus: You are such a fucking moron do you know that

Starscream: Bitch please I can totally match Ariana Grande’s vocal range just throw a scraplet at me

Knock Out: This may be my limit

Starscream: Doctor

Knock Out: Breakdown is really nice

Starscream: Knock Out

Knock Out: Big guy. Strong too.

Starscream: Knock Out.

Knock Out: I’d climb him any day maybe in my quarters

Starscream: KNOCK OUT.

Megatronus: whatcha doin

Soundwave: Stealing my boss’s cat.

Megatronus: Scandalous. Can I help?

Starscream: I think I’m gay

Knock Out: yeah no shit

Soundwave: Knock Out: calm down. Starscream: we support you.

Steve: hey I hit someone with my car

Starscream: I feel like a science person! a sciencer? Scientist! a scientist.

Shockwave: a sciencer.

Starscream: not my finest moment.

Starscream: Answer my fucking texts or you’re dead

Megatron: not if I kill you first afthole

Starscream: how can you kill me if our lips are pressed together you glitch

Megatron: what

Starscream: idk I havent had energon in a while I’m not feeling right

Starscream: Started seeing someone!

Knock Out: as in dating or hallucinations?

Starscream: guess what I’m about to get

Megatron: on my nerves

Ulchtar: dumanss dumann DUMBASS

Megatronus: lmao nace typo fuck

Knock Out: What did you do today?

Starscream: I slept.

Knock Out: I walked.

Starscream: We live such extravagant lives, you and I.

Knock Out: Yup.

Megatronus: Ravage just slapped me wtf there are no loyal ppl in this world I got back from fighting and he just came over and slapped me I did nothing to provoke this

Starscream: He’s just the biggest afthole ever

Thundercracker: what did he do?

Starscream: Breathe.

[forsaken-headcanons]

Uh sorry to put this here with the amount of asks you guys already have…but I was thinking about it and it’s real funny to me and this is a long one im so sorry 😭🙏

It’s not necessarily a headcanon like how im planning to make chance hcs soon where hes obsessed with rotten mango(the podcast) but more of a stupid idea(?)

So I was imaging if forsaken where to have a dog of sorts like, for the survivors it’s a bodyguard dog and for the killers it’s like “release the baby”/ref

But the only thing about the dog…it’s 3x bigger than it was before it was forsakened Like its abnormally giant

It appeared randomly through the middle of the round and scared the living shit out of everyone. Even the killer, who is gonna be c00lkidd cause I said so and he my fav killer (wanna bet that it made c00lkidd cry the first time he seen it?)

Anyway, during the round…let’s say 007n7 managed to atleast calm it down enough and get it to sit down. By then, almost every survivor is hiding behind another survivor

The only ones aren’t hiding or 007n7, Builderman, Guest 1337, Shedletsky, and Chance. 007n7 was scared himself that he managed to get the dog to sit. and the others were quite surprised too! Builderman just set up a sentry, and the sentinels were ready to fight off the thing.

Everyone else? Well, you got c00lkidd hiding behind 007n7, Taph hiding behind Builderman, Dusekkar hiding behind Shedletsky, and Noob, Elliot, and Two time are hiding behind Guest(pls tell me if I forgor anyone that’s ingame)

Here’s some silly dialogue too that I made up that’s likely out of character(wow I’m so funny that’s it’s unfunny)

Shed: Okay so…I get why Noob and the kid is hiding…Wtf are the rest of you doing?

Two time: The spawn told me not to go near that thing

Dusekkar: I usually have no fear…but with that dog near…Death is all I hear(omg I rhymed yay!!)

Elliot: uh…no I don’t have a death wish…or rather a wish to be tortured and eaten by a giant ass dog

Guest:They’re not wrong…why is that dog so massive and what is it doing here…?

Builderman:Yea uh Taph? You can get off my back now

Taph:🙏😇⭐️(thank god, I thought we were all gonna die)

Oh btw, Chance is laughing his ass off while 007n7 is comforting c00lkidd as Shed gives a sigh of disbelief

Okay imma stop here. I have more but I don’t wanna overwhelm you guys more like I already did now…sorry again and feel free to delete this ask!

damn what the dog doin 💔 what if we toss it into a cartoon-sized blender /silly. don't apologize for sending asks btw!! we're gucci w it :D /nm /nm /nm

[k-nayee]

Tik-Tok Killed the Video Star Hazbin Hotel i

wc: 3.7k a/n: ngl i had fun making this! hope y'all like it

Traveler M.List

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ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

LIVE: [Streamer: @Real___]

The ring light glowed bright, bathing your face in a soft artificial radiance that smoothed out every imperfection.

You weren’t taking any chances.

Leaning in toward your webcam, you tilt your head slightly as you examined your reflection in the streaming preview window. With precise and practiced movements, you adjusted a stray strand of hair, ensuring it fell perfectly into place.

Your skin had to be flawless—if only for this final performance.

It was almost funny, how even now, as you prepared to confess every last unforgivable sin, you still cared about how you looked.

The viewer count climbed.

At first only a few hundred trickled in. Then thousands. Then tens of thousands.

10K...40K...70K...100K...

The comment section was already a chaotic mess of scrolling text. The usual flood of usernames, some familiar, some new, all merging into a blur of reactions.

[SourCandyBites]: U MONSTER

[AztecStar]: OMG omg ily pls say hi to mexico 🇲🇽🇲🇽!!!

[lonondel_90]: WTF is this whats even happening rn??

[ChillPillPlease]: YALL SHE JUST TROLLING CHILL.

[MirrorVain]: WHY aint nobody talking about how GOOD she look??

You exhaled through your nose, shaking your head in amusement as you finally flash your signature smile—bright, plastic, and perfected after years of camera training.

"Hey y’all! You already know what it is—" You paused for dramatic effect, watching the comments spike as your voice. "I know I know. This is a little weird right? Seeing me on Twitch instead of TikTok? But hey, gotta keep things fresh!"

Another flood of comments. Another spike in viewers.

120K...145K...190K...210K...

You could practically feel the world tilting toward you, drawn in like moths to a flame. The chat moved at breakneck speed, usernames flying by too fast to read. Still you caught glimpses:

[user876543]: Omg it’s really you!! 😭💖

[s1nisterViper]: NAH WTF R U DOIN HERE💀

[lilpeepfan99]: Say hi to Brazil!! 🇧🇷

[exposedtea]: MONSTER. YOU DESERVE TO ROT.

[simp4real___]: IDGAF WHAT THEY SAY I LOVE YOUUUU 😍😍😍

[SOKOLOV_feds]: 🧐👀

Your smile never faltered. Hate, adoration, indifference—it was all the same to you. Attention.

And right now you had it in abundance.

"So! Today we’re doing a special edition of Get Ready With Me—this one coming with a little bit of TEA!" You reached toward your makeup bag and dragged it into frame. The zipper unzipped smoothly, revealing an array of pristine cosmetics neatly arranged.

Foundation, concealer, brushes, powders—every tool of the trade, ready to transform you into the best version of yourself.

You picked up a tube of primer and squeezed a small amount onto your fingertips. As you rubbed it into your skin with slow methodical circles, you continued, voice light, almost casual. "Mmm oh yeah. You may be asking what are we getting ready for? Well you'll just have to wait and see."

A playful wink, the same one you’d done a thousand times before. It sent wave of anticipation rippling through the chat.

[hotdogwater24]: BRO WHAT IS GOING ON 💀💀💀

[kookiebxtch]: This feels...off.😅

[Skyline_Chaos]: WTF IS HAPPENING RN

[MurmurQueen]: this is so creepy stop😭😭

[AussieAmazed]:can u say hi to australia???

[NoFilterNell]: NAH THIS SOME REAL SHIT

[MidnightMuse]: get ready for what???👀

"Now I wanna be real with you guys. I really, truly do." You reached for a cleansing pad, running it over your skin evenly. "So I’ve decided to confess. Right here. Right now."

There was a different energy behind your voice tonight—something simmering just beneath the surface.

"First step, obviously is to start with a clean base. Gotta get rid of all the built-up dirt, oil, and, well..."—you let out a short laugh—"...bullshit."

[tea_with_tasha]: THE SHADE LMAOO

[cancelmebby]: Tf is this real life????

[JustCuriousNow]: confessing what kinda lost here

[SugawithdatTae]: yall know who she talm bout?👀

[softie4u]: GO TO HELL YOU BITCH

[Yunnie0678]: YOU KNOW WHAT TF U DID LAST YEAR

You moved onto foundation, pumping a precise amount onto a beauty sponge before dabbing it onto your cheeks and blending outward. With every soft pat against your skin the words left your mouth effortlessly.

"So let’s get into it: I was a regular person once. Just some nobody who blew up on TikTok overnight. And with fame...comes power. And with power? Ohhh, chat...the things I did I tell ya! And I got away with it too?? But no more secrets. No more running."

The next hour unfolded like a twisted diary entry.

You painted your face while painting a picture of your sins; every crime, every manipulation, every disgusting, unthinkable act you had committed with full knowledge that your wealth and influence would keep you safe.

Fraud...

Blackmail...

Backroom deals...

Murder....

Assualt...

Hush money...

From the people who had helped you to the people you had destroyed. You told them everything.

You named names; politicians, CEOs, celebrities, fellow influencers. Hell even Royal families! Anyone who had been untouchable...until now.

You had burned every bridge and exposed every secret.

The chat became an unreadable flood of reactions.

[OhMyGaaaawd]: omggggggg i cannot with this

[xani]: MY SHAYLA WHY?!😭😭 WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

[DenialZone]: I KNEW YALL MFS WAS EVIL

[fbi.gov]: 🚨🚨🚨

[WhySoSerene]: NAH U DESERVE DEATH FR💯💯

[whistleblower88]: you lying no way u did that😱

[Karma]: mf calm as if she didnt just expose all elites BRUH

[Atieh and Jacky's Therapy Sessions_stan]: IM STILL WITH YOU BABY 😍😍😍

By the time you reached the final steps of your routine, your face was fully made up—foundation, concealer, contour, a touch of highlighter. Perfection.

You checked the viewer count.

10.7 MILLION.

You chuckled under your breath, a smug little thing as a satisfied smirk crept onto your lips. "Oh this is definitely going down in history."

Then—

BANG BANG BANG

You froze at the sound. It echoed through the house, shaking the walls, reverberating through your bones. Your brows lifted slightly but your expression remained eerily calm.

[whoopsieD]: UHHH THAT DIDNT SOUND GOOD

[itzjustameme]: LMFAOOOOO THEY COMIN FOR UUUU

[nottherussianmafia]: 🤨

[WTF_Lunar]: WTF WAS THAT

[OfficerPlease]: those cops or security??

[UrDeepn8p]: THIS IS SOME MOVIE TYPE SHIT FR😭😭

[nameizzuzJeSOOS]: is this real or staged idk

The camera caught every detail—the way your lips curled into something almost amused, the slow way you turned your head toward the microphone.

"Oopsie." You giggled. "Guess I made some of y’all’s faves a little upset. Think they’re out for blood?"

The pounding grew louder.

With one last spritz of setting spray, you wave your face dry, ensuring everything stayed flawless. "No worries. I’m already one step ahead~" Reaching down under the desk, your fingers curl around cold metal. With a practiced motion you lifted it into the frame.

[PistolPapi]: HOLY SHIT is that a GUN

[youshouldrot]: yo YO yo wtf wtf wtf

[Stan___4evr]: mommy? sorry. mommy?

[FBI_watchlist69]: bro put the gun DOWN

[YoYoYeller]: kill yourself already, u deserve it

[rideordie_real___]: NOOOOO PLEASE STOP 😭😭😭

[not_a_cop]: 👀👀👀

Your head tilted as the shotgun balanced effortlessly in your grip. You popped it open with a satisfying snap, revealing two gleaming buckshot shells and close it once more.

You turned to the camera, smiling like a Barbie commercial. "And for those who have caught on—why yes I am depressed, mentally unstable, and quite frankly, ready to leave this dipshit of an earth."

[sweetrevenge23]: NO FUCKING WAY

[h_scanner]: 🚔🚔🚔🚔

[deathwish69]: YO WAIT HOLD ON

[pleasedontdoit]: 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[hellawaits04]: LMAOOOOO ICONIC

[kenslaysUp]: no way this is happening rn

[moneymoves3000]: THIS SOME BLACK MIRROR SHIT

You let out a small breathy laugh. "Alright but seriously." Adjusting your hold on the shotgun, you shift it into one hand as you pressed the other against your chest. "I wanna say I’m sorry. To everyone I’ve hurt, to everyone I’ve lied to. To my fans, my friends..."

Your voice dipped into something softer. Something real.

"To everyone I’ve wronged I’m sorry. To all my haters and naysayers—congrats you were right. Not that it matters. Nothing I say will atone for my sins and for what I’ve done. But maybe...maybe my death will be enough?"

A beat of silence.

A second of silence. Then—

CRASH

The unmistakable splintering of wood followed by the thud of footsteps flooded into the lower level of your house. They got in.

The chat exploded in panicked messages.

[fuckauthority]: DID Y’ALL HEAR THAT???

[paranoidxoxo]: THEY’RE IN THE HOUSE😱😱

[daddyissues420]: OH MY GOD

[govwatcher]: LAW ENFORCEMENT INCOMING

[jesuschristirl]: REPENT NEOW🙏🏾🙏🏾

[bigbootybitch33]: GIRL RUN WTF

[gov_watchlist98]: YOU’RE FUCKED LOL

[hotgoss411]: WE ARE WITNESSING HISTORY RN

The comments was moving so fast now that it was unreadable.

You turned back to the camera, shotgun resting against your shoulder and beamed. "Oh and before I forget—" You gestured toward your laptop with your free hand. "This current live-stream is embedded with a virus that sends every single piece of evidence—every file, every video, every receipt—to every single person connected to my livestream. Surprise!"

[cybercrimes_unit]: ☠️☠️☠️

[We0ll see8]: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

[moral_justice]: LIVING LEGEND.

[snapeb00tysit]: DO IT PUSSY

[DudeNoChill]: bro wtf stop playin

[Punk0Lu2k]: DOES IT CONTAIN YOUR NOODS TOO??👀👀

[Brokie8ren]: AYE SEND ME SUM MONEY BEFORE YHOU KILL YOSELF, MY CASHAPP $STARRYNUTT

"So even if they do stop me..." You let the words linger, a satisfied smile curling at your lips. "Still checkmate. "

Heavy footsteps thundered up the stairs.

You could hear them charging down the hall. Seconds away.

You shifted the shotgun, maneuvering it with precision in a way its angled perfectly against your head as your finger curled over the trigger. At the same time, your other hand hovered over the ENTER key on your laptop.

"All I gotta do is press this button and—"

Your bedroom door burst open.

The camera didn’t capture who entered. But you saw them.

And you grinned.

"Too late fuckers!"

Your fingers moved at once.

Click.

BANG.

════════════════*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═════════════════

A dull aching pain throbbed in your skull, deep and unrelenting, as if something had cracked open inside you.

Your body felt...off.

Too light and too heavy all at once, like your limbs weren’t quite yours anymore. A sluggish warmth clung to your skin thick and oppressive making it hard to breathe.

Your senses finally adjusted.

The first thing you noticed was the smell; burnt ash. Sulfur. Smoke curling in the air like invisible fingers.

Then came the sound; distant screams, eerie laughter, overlapping whispers that didn’t belong to any one person but still slithered into your ears like they were meant for you.

Your eyelids fluttered open.

And what you saw?

Red.

Clouds churned in dark ominous shades as a massive pentagram symbol loomed high above—it glowed sinisterly, slicing through the swirling clouds in sharp precise lines.

A moon hung beside it—a twisted scarred orb that looked as though it had been dragged from the depths of something far darker than night. And even higher in the distance, just barely visible against the red skyline, was the faint shimmer of white...possibly a star?

Jagged structures around you—half skyscrapers, half nightmares—loomed in impossible angles, their neon lights flickering in glitchy uneven patterns. The ground beneath you was scorched, still smoldering from whatever eternal fire had tried and failed to burn it all away.

You swallowed hard.

Something in the back of your mind whispered what you already knew.

This wasn’t a nightmare.

You were dead.

And this was Hell.

For a long frozen moment you simply sat there, staring at the pavement beneath you. Your breath came shallow and uneven. Your pulse—if you even had one anymore—drummed against your ribs.

Then your fingers twitched.

Something was in your pocket. Something smooth and solid...something familiar.

You slowly reached down and pulled it out:

Your phone.

A relieved breath escaped your lips. "Oh thank goodness."

The cool glass felt real in your hands, grounding you in a way nothing else could. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe you could figure this out. Maybe you could find a way to call someone—

You glanced at the screen only to freeze.

No Service.

The relief shattered into ice-cold panic.

Your grip tightened, thumb swiping down to refresh—no bars. No Wi-Fi. No lifeline.

You tried again. And again. And again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again and again and—

Nothing.

Your stomach lurched. Your hands shook.

Something inside you snapped.

You sat on your knees, clutching the useless phone to your chest as you let out a wail. "NO! NO! NO PLEASE GOD! I'M SORRY!"

The words tore from your throat raw and broken. You gasped between sobs, squeezing your eyes shut as your nails dig into your palms.

"DON'T DO THIS TO ME! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO MEEEEE—"

A soft chime.

Your eyes snapped open, breath catching in your throat. Sniffling, you pull it down to see the glowing screen. Your apps were still there.

Then, with a cautious swipe, you opened your gallery only for your heart to nearly stop.

All your pictures? Gone. Every selfie, every meme, every thirst trap, every aesthetically-pleasing shot of overpriced outfits? Erased.

And in their place?

Pictures. Screenshots. Videos.

All of them evidence of every fucked-up thing you’d ever done. Torture. Blackmail. Setups. Your biggest and most heinous crimes, all caught in 4K with timestamps, captions, and receipts.

You scrolled through them casually like flipping through an old yearbook.

"Oh damn almost forgot about that one. Good times." you muttered, rewatching one of your personal favorites—a high-definition well-lit compilation of your greatest hits.

God it was better than TV.

Speaking of—

A chill crawled up your spine.

The temperature around you shifted as a strange charged energy pressed down on your skin. The lights flickered wildly for a moment, glitching, before steadying.

You slowly stand to your feet as a towering figure suddenly appears a few feet away.

He was sharp, all jagged edges and neon accents, his black and red suit crisp and immaculate. But what stood out the most was his head—

An old-fashioned television screen.

The glass surface flickered erratically between distorted sharp-toothed grins and warped images of you from moments ago, as if he had already been watching you. Recording you.

Behind him stood several other demons. All tall, hulking, waiting for orders.

"Well well well...what do we have here?" His voice came layered—not just one tone, but multiple. Overlapping slightly like an old commercial playing on repeat.

"Huh." You tilted your head. "Who the hell are you?"

The screen on his face glitched violently. His grin remained but the static in his voice sharpened.

"You must be newcomer. How quaint." He took a step forward, his goons following suit. "Allow me introduce myself—"

With a flourish, he spread his arms, crackling energy surging through his body like a failing broadcast tower.

"I am VOX, Overlord of the Digital Age. Master of television, entertainment, and media. Everything broadcasted, everything recorded—"he gestured widely to the neon-lit cityscape behind him, "it all bends to me. And you, sweetheart, are standing in my domain."

"Uh-huh. Cool. Anyway—" you slid your phone into your pocket, "I was kind of busy. You need something Static Boy?"

A nearby streetlight exploded in a burst of pixels and sparks.

"Do you even comprehend where you are?" His voice was calm, but beneath it was a deep growing irritation.

"Yeah yeah. Hell. Domain. Big scary Overlord." You waved your hand dismissively. "Honestly I couldn't give two shits right now."

The second those words left your mouth something shifted.

Vox’s face flickered as air around him spiked like an overcharged circuit.

You didn’t know this guy but you sure as hell knew that reaction. He hated that.

And suddenly you were interested. You leaned back slightly, crossing your arms, smirking up at him. "You must be one of those old-heads? Damn. You must hate people like me then."

Vox’s screen flickered again, his glow flaring slightly. "People like you?"

You grinned.

"Influencers."

There it was. That flash of disgust.

"Yup. TikTok mostly. Millions of followers. You know the usual." You grinned. "Guess we’re in the same industry huh?"

Vox’s screen glitched violently. "Your meddlesome kind have stolen relevance from true entertainment. It is no shock your type always finds its way down here with all the pollution you do. How dare you to even think you could be on my level?!"

You folded your arms. "Oh no. The evil TV man thinks I’m annoying. However will I recover?"

"You have no power here," he hissed. "I control what is seen. I control what is heard. I control what is remembered. Any pathetic influencers that land in my Hell?" He chuckles darkly. "I make sure they’re erased permanently. No fame. No following. Just nothing."

At that you finally laughed; a short and mocking, entirely unimpressed laugh.

"Oh. I get it now." You grinned. "You’re just pissed because TV isn’t relevant anymore. You’re an old man who's generation ruined everything for mines, and now you’re mad that social media overshadow you?"

The air around him screamed for half a second before steadying. His grin stayed but it was tighter now. "You’re bold."

You shrugged. "And you’re outdated."

Vox’s face flashed red.

A beat of silence...

Then chaos.

Vox’s goons lunged, their movements sharp and inhuman as they closed in on you. They were faster than anything you’d encountered.

You barely had time to react as their glinting claws shown from the glow of the city around you. Instinct screamed at you to dodge, but before you could even flinch—

The ground split open.

From the pavement beneath your feet a mass of glowing technicolor tendrils erupted—flickering and glitching like a broken screen.

They shot forward, lashing through the air with impossible speed, grabbing one of the demons mid-leap.

A choked gasp.

A wet, sickening rip.

The goon split apart; torn in half like he was made of paper, limbs flung to the ground in uneven pieces. Blood—dark and thick—splattered onto the pavement, sizzling against the heat.

Silence.

Your breath hitched as a sudden spike of ice-cold shock crawled up your spine.

'What the fuck was that?!'

You hadn’t moved. You hadn’t done anything. Yet the thing—those tendrils had responded...to you. Your hands trembled for half a second when it clicked causing your lips to curl into a smirk. Yes, it's true you hadn’t done that on purpose.

But you sure as hell weren’t about to admit that.

Flicking imaginary dust from your sleeve, you sighed dramatically. "Whoops. Looks like I do have power here after all. Tsk. And here I was hoping we could be civil."

One of the goons glanced at the still-twitching remains of his comrade. His claws flexed as uncertainty began to bleed into his soulless eyes.

Good.

You wanted them nervous.

Across from you Vox had stiffened.

You noticed the way his form falter, the faintest distortion in his glow—the first sign of something resembling hesitation.

That made you grin.

"What’s wrong old man?" you purred, stepping forward, your tendrils pulsing with a sickly glow around you. "Didn’t think I’d put up a fight?"

A sharp burst of static cut through the air, the pixels on Vox's screen distorting wildly before stabilizing. His red eyes burned brighter as he snarled.

"Kill that bitch!"

The remaining goons paused for half a second—then rushed you.

This time you didn’t wait. Something in your blood snapped and the tendrils moved. Like snakes they twisted through the air eeriely. They tore through flesh like it was nothing.

One of the demons barely had time to scream before he was skewered, his body hoisted into the air, his limbs thrashing wildly as the tendrils twisted and ripped him apart.

Blood splattered across your face.

The others didn’t even have time to run.

A tendril shot forward and wrapped around a demon’s neck—tightening, lifting them effortlessly off the ground before snapping. Another shot forward like a bullet, piercing straight through a demon’s chest leaving a gaping hole left in their torso as they collapsed lifeless.

Faster...

Every move was precise.

Faster....

Clean. Efficient.

Faster....

It was like you had done this before. Like this was natural. In mere minutes it was over.

You let out a low whistle. "Huh. That was easier than I thought."

The bodies dropped, the blood pooled. And only one remained:

Vox.

Your tendrils slithered forward, curling around his limbs, binding him in place.

But they didn’t attack.

They simply held him. Firm. Unmoving. A silent display of dominance.

Vox was still. His claws twitched but he didn’t move.

You smirked, stepping closer. "Aww," you cooed with mock-sympathy dripping from every syllable. "What’s the matter VCR? Cat got your tongue? I thought you ran this place."

A snarl ripped from his throat, his neon glow flaring with a sharp burst of static. "It’s Vox you insufferable brat!" he snapped, his already layered voice distortion from anger.

You tilted your head slightly with twinkling eyes. "Uh-huh. Sure, Video Cassette Recorder."

His claws flexed. The tension in his body was visible, his expression twisting into something sharp and furious.

And you?

You ate it up.

Your smirk stretched into something sharper. A tendril slithered up, curling delicately around his top hat. And with a quick flick—

You plucked it off his head.

Vox’s static screeched.

You twirled the hat between your fingers, adjusting it neatly on your own head before opening your arms wide with a dramatic flourish.

"I think I like this look," you mused, lips curling. "Very showman."

A pause.

"Or in my case—" You tipped the hat slightly. "Showwoman."

Vox’s glare was murderous.

Never had he been humiliated by the likes of someone like you before. Oh how he wanted to kill you.

And even worse?

Sinners had started gathering; from the alleys, buildings, and shadows—bystanders who had been watching it all in silence.

Some were even pulling out their phones to record the spectacle.

You beamed and struck a pose. "Go ahead and tag me! @Real___! Let’s make this go viral yeah?"

The crowd—because oh yeah, there was totally a crowd now—erupted in whispers.

You beamed.

Vox seethed.

"Just you wait," he growled through gritted teeth. "When I get my hands on you—"

Your brow raised. Your tendrils tightened ever so slightly. He lets out a glitching choke and immediately shuts up.

"Better," you coo. With exaggerated movements you began to sit down. Your tendrils shift beneath you, morphing into a throne-like seat, curling comfortably around your form.

"Now," Crossing one leg over the other with a pleasant smile, your elbows rest against the armrests as you leaned in slightly, voice mockingly sweet. "Be a dear and tell me everything I need to know about Hell."