#the writing style is different between the two main fanfics I think

[ceiling-karasu]

A scene from Chapter 9 of Lily Bell in the Thorn Thicket

(Marker)

(Colored Pencils)

(Draft)

Excerpt Below the Read More

Mulmangcho obliviously walked past them both, carrying a large box of farming hand tools and booklets. “Mulsajo, Oegwipali, radishes grow in the summer months as well. Cabbage only grows in spring and fall, so I suggest we grow more of those now. Also, it turns out that we may be able to grow potatoes during the winter, but I’ll have to…figure out.... that is not our car…”

I guess that mouse was not officially declared dead. Murori survived the same type of explosion. But where is he hiding? Geumsaegi thought, bitterly. Still, the missing mouse suggested that there might be hidden compartments somewhere in the farmhouse that he could search for information.

Shaking, Oegwipali pointed in the direction of the Special Aide. Mulmangcho’s confused expression changed to one of surprised apprehension, then anger.

Suddenly, the farmhouse was approached by the roaring of more jeeps, cars, and small trucks. Within a minute, the Regimental Commander and several large members of the Wolf Unit were inside the house. They stretched, speaking loudly, “So, we’ve finally arrived. Kinda small though, eh?”

Geumsaegi, needing to keep his cover, pointed at Oegwipali, the wolves leering over everyone, “Go and assist in bringing their luggage inside. You, Mulmangcho, you stay here.” The one eared mouse, understanding the situation, saluted properly and left to do as he was told.

“And what exactly are you doing all the way out here, Special Aide?” Mulmangcho saluted sarcastically. Best to at least pretend to be polite. He could be dead in the next minute, after all, and it would look bad if Special Aide shot someone giving a greeting. He wondered what the Special Aide had told the Wolf Unit about him, if maybe they would be fine if he was shot dead giving a greeting.

“You are on house arrest. You do not get to question why an army unit should pay a remote area a visit,” Geumsaegi played his role.

Before either of them could continue, shouts were heard as another vehicle roared wildly around the house, wolves yelping, jumping out of the way, some colliding with the walls with a thump, laughing at their close calls.

Something green and tattered flew past the window, thrown up by spinning tires.

“MY CABBAGES!” Oegwipali wailed in alarm from outside.  

Commander Seungnyangi burst into the farmhouse, eyes flashing blue, followed by the slightly shaken Officer Yeou.

[isalisewrites]

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Part Two

Welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Disclaimer for all readers of this series: 

I’m going to sound very confident in my posts where I work under the assumption I’m a better writer than JKR; because I am. My apologies if this rubs you the wrong way. You’re simply witnessing the culmination of over two and half decades of experience with the intensity from a neurodivergent who is hyperfocused on her special interest. I didn’t just learn how to create stories; I learned the craft of writing to a minutia of details.

I’m not a perfect writer. No one is. I’m not a talented writer either. I’m experienced and skilled through years of study and practice.

I don’t care about J.K. Rowling. At all.

If you’re triggered by the concept and fact that JKR is a terrible crafter of writing, then you might want to take a step back and self reflect on that personal issue.

I still very much love and adore Harry Potter; you’re still allowed to love Harry Potter.

This is not a series to bitch or bash. This isn’t a shitpost. This isn’t an attack on JKR, no matter the disgusting bullshit she spews forth on Twitter. However, my hope is people awaken to the fact that JKR isn’t the goddess of writing we’ve all been led to believe.

This is a place of study and learning, where the purpose is to help students gain critical thinking skills and writing analysis tools to become better in their craft.

And, sorry, one more disclaimer for this specific post: 

Fanfiction is written for fun and is posted for free. I put most of my effort into my main fanfic, Terrible, But Great. (Yes, I intend to update Moon Rite soon, too) However, I also have two fanfics that are cowritten with another author; thus, the style of Shall I Stay and Badger Prey are understandably different. I spend three to four times the hours to edit a chapter versus drafting it. My process for fanfiction: I draft. I do one expansion edit. I do one proofread edit. I post.

However, if I were to publish a novel where people are expected to drop money on said book, my work flow would be vastly more extensive. To be clear, I’d do all of the following myself. I would not outsource. My process for published novels: I would draft. I would do three to four expansion edits. I would do two to three cutting edits. I would do three proofread edits. 

See the difference?

Because I don’t go through a cutting edit for my fanfiction, I’ll often come back later and see things I think are weak. I’m constantly seeing where I can tighten my work. There’s always room for improvement.

Remember: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a paperback book that costs $10. My fanfics are free. If I, someone who writes for free and puts what she considers the bare minimum of effort into them, have a higher standard in the quality of my writing than a paid traditionally published novelist, there’s a problem here. 

All right, with that nonsense out of the way, buckle up, my writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Let’s begin.

Class is in session.

In this post, we’re going to discuss these five pages from HP5 and dissect one paragraph and a line from page 731. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

(My favorite book in the series, btw. I fucking love fifth year the most. JKR did a damn good job with Umbridge.)

Since a certain anon lacked the skill to comprehend the difference between too much dialogue and stories driven by a high saturation of dialogue, let's go into further depth about dialogue.

What did I mean last week when I said: "Too much fucking dialogue!"

Today’s lesson will focus on the overall issue in JKR’s dialogue and in the prose surrounding those dialogue lines.

And since, apparently, I “lack the self awareness” to know most of my fics are “oversaturated with dialogue,” I’m going to use weaker examples of my own writing. Chapter 24 of TBG is heavily driven by dialogue with twenty-one named characters to juggle, something that's very difficult for me to manage. Though the chapter is lovely, I do feel it's some of my weaker work. In the end, I just didn’t have the energy to edit it a second time nor go through cutting edit.

Here are three different pages (some connected, some not) from Chapter 24 of Terrible, But Great. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

You can already see the difference, I'm sure.

So, what’s the difference between a scene that has 'too much fucking dialogue' versus a scene that is highly saturated with dialogue?

Because there is one.

Let's set the scene for HP5. In the middle of an OWL exam, Harry received a vision from Voldemort, showing him that Sirius has been captured. He's being tortured to get something from a shelf, but Sirius refuses. Harry believes the vision is real. He tells Ron and Hermione, then asks for their advice on how to rescue Sirius. Ron and Hermione are both like, pardon, wtf, sir? (As they should be.)

We have five pages of this fight between them. These five pages are mostly dialogue with very little else surrounding it.

Also, note the final page where it has the worst sins of adverb usage. That page is what triggered me to begin writing this series in the first place, btw.

There's too much dialogue here. There's no description. I'm being told stuff, but I'm not being shown anything. There are no emotional anchors to Harry either. The more I reread this scene, the more I realized what was wrong.

There’s an emotional disconnect from Harry in the prose.

Do not misunderstand me: it is NOT to say that Harry isn’t emotional here. It's that the prose doesn’t grip me, the reader, by the chest and twist my heart with his overwhelming emotions. The prose doesn't prove anything, doesn't show me anything. This is an intense, terrifying moment for Harry. It should feel visceral. It should feel tangible. I should be able to taste his fear.

We also don’t get too much information about the emotional states of Ron and Hermione. We have hints, of course. But we can’t feel them. The emotions of the scene are dampened, muffled, dull even.

With an untrained eye, you might disagree. It's okay. You'll see what I mean soon.

Page 731 exact quote:

"I dunno how," said Harry. "But I know exactly where. There's a room in the Department of Mysteries full of shelves covered in these little glass balls, and they're at the end of row ninety-seven...He's trying to use Sirius to get whatever it is he wants from in there....He's torturing him....Says he'll end by killing him..." Harry found his voice shaking, as were his knees. He moved over to a desk and sat down on it, trying to master himself.

(Btw, punctuation issue: you do not use an ellipsis and a period together and there should be a space after the ellipsis.)

This is the only instance in the five pages where we get any information about Harry's physical state.

And it's written in such a weak 'telling' instead of 'showing' way, too.

How and where was his voice shaking? How are his knees shaking? Are they knocking together in a weird way that's kind of physically improbable? Or was it actually his legs were shaking? Isn't he leaning against the door? If his weight was resting against the door, then there'd be less shaking in his knees or legs because his knees would be locked to brace his body against the door. His arms and hands would be shaking, though.

How does Harry master himself? What does that look like? Slow breaths? Running a hand through his hair? Rubbing his face and eyes? How is Harry mastering himself? Is it mentally? Then, where are those mastering thoughts? What are they and why do those thoughts in particular help Harry 'master' himself?

What's Harry's tone as he talking about Voldemort threatening to kill Sirius? How is Harry feeling about this? Give me MORE!

The dialogue is presented to the reader in a bland, empty fashion. Harry is relating something to Ron and Hermione. I could switch the dialogue out with anything and it'd still make sense.

There is little surrounding the dialogue to anchor it.

So, let's rewrite this, shall we?

"I dunno how," said Harry, letting out a shaky breath. His hands clenched into fists against the door of the classroom. "But I know where—they're in a room in the Department of Mysteries that's filled with rows of shelves holding these... weird little glass balls. They're in row ninety-seven. Voldemort, he's—" Harry's voice broke. His breath caught in his throat. The memory of the vision returned full force into his mind, the image of Sirius on the floor at Voldemort's feet stark in his mind. He ducked his chin; his chest inhaled in a desperate breath and the edges of his eyes burned. He's torturing Sirius—I can't just wait around. I can't lose him. Harry looked up at Ron, whose face had grown pale, while Hermione stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. The strength in Harry's legs weakened. "He needs Sirius to get whatever it is he wants and he's—" Harry sucked in a gasp, his voice trembling like an autumn leaf in a thunderstorm. "—he's torturing Sirius... says he'll kill him in the end." His knees buckled. Harry stumbled to the nearest desk; Ron reached out with a steadying hand on Harry's upper arm and silent gratitude filled Harry's heart. With shaky arms, Harry lifted himself onto the desk to sit and twisted around to face Ron and Hermione. He licked his dry lips, rubbed his eyes with a hand, and took slow, deep breaths to master his fraying emotions.

The original canon text has 57 words of dialogue with a total of 83 words.

My rewritten version uses 56 words of dialogue with a total of 247 words.

I'm going to drill this concept into your heads, my lovely students: this is what I mean when I keep saying JKR's writing is both bloated and underwritten.

I only rewrote a single paragraph and its following line. The five pages I've provided are filled with this kind of empty dialogue.

So, what have I done here? Can you see the difference? Can you feel the difference?

Let's analyze what I focused on in this scene to show Harry's body language and his thoughts. I upped the physical effects on Harry's body. His fear causes his voice to break in the middle of explaining what's going on. He's terrified of losing Sirius, the only father figure he's ever known. Voldemort might take another parental figure from him. 

And now the prose reflects these feelings, not just in his thoughts, but also in how he speaks and reacts to what is around him. He is not just speaking at the reader.

Harry exists in his world. 

And you can feel it.

When he stumbles to the desk, Ron is there for him. Hermione reacting could also be added here. There is a lot that can be added to this scene, if one wanted to expand this further. 

Yes, what I've done has increased the word count, yet it strengthens this short moment—and I'd do this for the entire scene.

What I did to the scene is merely one version of its potential. It could be rewritten in a multitude of ways and go in various directions. I spent 10mins to 20mins on it. I haven't edited it or refined it.

Can you finally see what I mean now?

If you compare the highlighted pages of HP5 to the highlighted pages of Chp 24 of TBG, you can visually see the difference in the density of the dialogue. JKR is the one whose writing is oversaturated with dialogue. My writing will always be highly saturated with dialogue because my stories are character driven. I prefer stories like that. But I also need the dialogue to be interesting and engaging, where the character feels alive in their world.

When I say there's too much dialogue, this scene is such a good example of this because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all over the place in their interactions with each other. Yes, you want your characters to sound realistic, but you're also the author curating an experience for the reader.

There's a balancing tightrope act between having realistic dialogue and unnecessary dialogue.

There's a thin line between showing too much and telling too little.

Lastly, if I were to improve the overall scene, I would center the focus on Harry's desperation to rescue Sirius. As Ron and Hermione try to talk him out of it, where Hermione delivers that iconic line of 'you have a people saving thing,' I'd have Harry explode with something like this:

"You don't know what's it like! You both have your parents—I-I don't... You'd feel the same as me if it were either of your parents being tortured by Voldemort, yeah? I can't lose him—I can't lose Sirius."

I'm not bothering with description around it right now. I just wanted to give the baseline dialogue to show you the theme I'd carry through this scene. It's all about Sirius. It's all about the fear of losing him. It's about showing the emotion of the character and making the reader feel that deeply.

And that's what matters the most.

All right then.

We have come to an end of Part Two in this series. We have discussed fives pages in JKR's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The pages in question are 731 - 735 should you wish to look it up and study the scene yourself.

And so, please do the world the greatest of favors and write better than J.K. Rowling. I promise, it's not that hard once you see the differences.

Until next time.

Isa

[kiragecko]

cherrystainedknuckles

I guess the only problem with being asked to take a “marie kondo approach” is that in order to find any fanfic that appears to be based in actual canon timeline and plot points and characterization (which does exist, and I’m not sure why fanon fans seem insistent that it doesn’t), I literally have to search for hours. I’m not joking, I consistently make fic rec lists, and I have to search for hours and hours for actual canonical basis. same thing with character tags on tumblr.

I’m not saying fanon fans have to stop enjoying fanon or making up their own content. I’m just saying that when the tags used for both fanon tim drake and canon tim drake are the same tag it just becomes incredibly annoying sometimes, and I understand why people who like to engage with canon (me, often) become frustrated

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I have definitely had periods where I got incredibly frustrated with fanon! Around 2019, I was wondering if I needed to leave the Batfandom, because it had been so long since I read a new fic where the characters felt 'right'.

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But, if you're willing to, I'd like you to consider what you mean when you divide 'fanon' from 'canon'. Because I struggle to find a hard line between the two, for several reasons:

1. Fandom is transformative. Every fanfic is going to have some interpretation of the source material. The line between what is too much interpretation and what is acceptable is different for every person. For me, I find it can even vary based on writing style or other odd things - lighthearted fic can have more noncanonical stuff in it than heavier fic, and still seem true to canon.

2. 'Canon' is subjective. I do not consider the movies or video games to be 'canon', and it annoys me when things from those creep into the fic I'm reading. (I'm okay with SOME Battinson.) Some aspects of the cartoons are okay. I consider precrisis Jason Todd to be an alternate reality version, but Donna's precrisis origins are more canonical than the dumb retcons. Wayne Family Adventures isn't my main version of the characters, but I'm not bothered if some elements show up in my stories. I'm ignoring most of the nu52, but I like Duke and I'm still watching this new Lian to see what happens. I doubt your divisions are identical to mine.

(Also, some things that I think of as 'fanon' have shown up in nu52 canon! I do not accept them as any more canon because of this.)

3. Most 'fanon' is based on canon. Canon Tim has weird sleep habits. 90s Dick is really lighthearted and joking around some characters in ways similar to fanon. Dick can canonically not be trusted to take care of himself if his mental health gets low enough. Jason likes classical literature. Etc.

These are exaggerated and/or twisted in a lot of fic, but where is the line where they stop being canon? I wouldn't bat an eye at a lot of this stuff, if it didn't show up SO OFTEN.

4. Most 'fanon fans' do know some canon. What line are you going to set where it will be 'enough'. And are they allowed to mention parts of the canon they haven't read yet? Is anyone allowed to talk about Dick's early Robin days, or only the tiny amount of people who have read the golden age stuff? A lot of the 'mistakes' I see are obviously made by people who have read ABOUT canon, but don't know quite how it fits together.

5. 'Canon' is FULL of contradictions. Yes, there are canon events. Yes, there is characterization that is consistent across 3/4s of comics. But. I'm still working on my sidekick timeline. I've devoted days to figuring out ages and passage of time. I've spent over a decade trying to figure out Jason Todd's motivations, and why Tim treats him the way he does. I've read all the 90s and early 2000s CANONICAL character assassination of Jason.

I spent years thinking that Donna's death was almost as foundational as Jason's, only to later discover that I had just happened to read the specific comics that focused on the fallout, and she only stayed dead for a short time. That happens to fans ALL THE TIME! We read a character summarizing an event we haven't directly read, and just accept it as what happened. But characters have biases, and not all writers care about accuracy.

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I've read some Tim Drakes that I consider to be almost entirely 'fanon'. And quite a few that were so scarily 'canon' that I got chills. (Not all of which were similar to each other.) But the vast, vast majority have fallen somewhere in the middle.

I definitely do not want the responsibility of deciding which ones count as 'canon'! And I think I would strongly dislike anyone who tried to decide for me.

Being frustrated is logical, and I empathize. But the original post was about the impossible expectations some fans feel. The expectation to read thousands of comics, synthesize all the contradictions, and come to conclusions that match the 'true fans'. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to be complaining about.

If that's what some fans are experiencing, of course they're not going to want to engage with canon! There's no way for them to succeed, so why should they even try?

When you join THAT conversation to discuss your frustration about fanon, it strengthens that perception. When you call them 'fanon fans' it emphasizes their belief that you don't think they belong. And rather than trying to change, it's more likely that they'll double down. Canon is full of gatekeepers, so they'll avoid it.

[recklesslycaffeinated]

Skeleton Crew world p1

Okay, I've had two questions about my fanfic on A03 and I decided I'd also post the answers here as it might be questions other people have but haven't asked!

The first question is how I've decided the magic/fighting system works. Obviously, heavily based in Undertale lore, but my world, my rules, kind of thing...

Before the Stand (the first big conflict between Monsters and Humans since coming out of the mountains with Frisk), Monsters exclusively used magic attacks. The vast majority of these are ranged attacks and wouldn't cause Humans to bleed (exceptions ahead).

When you see Edge with his bone club, or Dogeressa with her axe, or Doggo with his twin swords, these are like... wands? Or staffs? They're basically physical embodiments of the magical attack they have and allow them to control it. They're not swinging the axe and making physical contact.

However, in the natural course of a fight, there is physical contact. Humans are physical so would have rushed at the Monsters. While Monsters could use their weight to knock them over, or claws to scratch, they're not used to it. Frankly, the first time any Monster (accidentally or otherwise) causes a Human to bleed, it's an incredibly off-putting experience. Even experienced Monsters don't understand the dynamics and think any amount of blood could possibly be life-threatening.

I'm going to write a one-shot of Nurse cutting her finger in the kitchen...

Anyway - Monsters are not naturally violent creatures. The same environment which raised us (kill or be killed, guard your resources, defend your family in the face of outsiders) didn't apply to them. They're naturally extremely empathetic creatures IN THE MAIN UNIVERSE OF THE STORY.

Red and Edge's universe (basically Underfell, but not named that in my story) was different. So when Red and Edge arrived in the story's universe, they brought their fighting philosophy with them.

Quick update! Forgot to mention the reason Monsters exclusively use magic attacks is because it's far more controlled than physical attacks. It's extremely hard for a Monster to kill 'accidentally' with magic, because the will and intention isn't there. The grey area is - perhaps in a moment of anger, you DO want the other guy dead, but immediately regret it.

Fast forward to Saving Three Ex-cell-ent Skeletons (I really wish I'd called it something else now) - Monsters are starting to learn to fight Humans, you've got to fight like them. Ox, Bear, Lion, Dragon Monsters etc, are realising they have way more than magic going for them. It's a slow transition, but they're learning.

In Skeleton Crew, we see that Red has fully embraced both fighting styles and really doesn't mind making Humans bleed. That's why after a Human-Monster fight, you'll always find Red walking out the bloodiest, were as most Monsters still won't.

The other question was about how (my) New Ebott looks. I'm just creating a little map and I will post that soon.

[ereyies]

i love your of mice and men oc. let me tell you i was scrolling thru the omam tag after reading that book for class because GOSH that ending destroyed me. bronwyn is so cute!!! and i love the ideas you have for her character and how she’d add onto the book. is there any more of your character that u thought of?? i’d love it hear it! ur art is stunning btw!!!

artists and writers are the backbone of dead fandoms. but i dont know if you could even call this fandom dead cuz i dont think it even had a life 💀

THANK YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH!!

this means the entire world to me you have no idea just how touched i am that you love my oc 💖 💖!! be VERY careful going through the of mice and men tag because unfortunately there are a LOT of nsfw bots!!

as for anything else relating to Bronwyn and her character, I don't have much else written/in mind other than that I have already shared other than maybe two things (copied and pasted from a document i made just to keep track of her lore):

Candy and Bronwyn probably wouldn't be close despite Candy having worked at the ranch for years. Not because of anything bad that happened between them, however I imagine that Candy was initially the main contributor to all the gossip said about her on the ranch and later on he learned she wasn't a bad person at all and just a lonely ill child, but by that point he had both immortalised her as a legend but condemned her from ever making real connections with people again. Knowing what he started and how he unintentionally isolated her and prevented her from being easily able to make friends with people on the ranch, the guilt would probably prevent him from forming any close connections with her.

I feel like if she were actually a character within the novel, her presence within the story would be similar to Andrey Bolkonsky in the musical Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 (brilliant but strange musical btw, if you're interested in musicals it's definitely worth a listen!!). She is this looming presence amongst all the characters, always being mentioned in passing during conversation, this figure that everyone is aware of yet never sees, never actually being present in person up until the very end.

Candy would probably be the reader's introduction to Bronwyn, since Candy is a known gossiper. She'd be this influence in the story but is never truly there. I'm not too sure how she'd be important if that were the case though? Perhaps she'd be a figure symbolic of a 'point of no return' for all the characters. They all have a dream that isn't totally impossible which they come very close to achieving, and could very well leave their situation, but Bronwyn never had a chance and can never truly escape, locked up just to be forgotten about. Maybe she'd be a warning of the terrible fate which Lennie would have faced if he had lived and been institutionalised.

ANYWAYS moving past all of that; i have only made very few drawings of Bronwyn since my last post talking about her (admittedly due to extreme art block). But I’ve mostly been brainstorming about Curley and Bronwyn, the similarities and differences between them, mostly differences. Here is some of my recent art:

I always love experimenting and playing around with my style, trying out new brushes, techniques and colours <33 The last isn’t exactly my favourite mostly because i was just getting a feel for how to draw Curley and had little to no references for the pose and so it looks a little stiff. But!! I made many notes for my ideas while I was doing the sketch:

Thank you once more for your ask!! It means the world to me <33 I was so embarrassed when I first made her and feared being called ‘cringe’ or that people wouldn’t like her or something else along those lines, but the reception so far has been nothing but positive and encouraging!! I definitely plan to make more art and potentially even write some short fanfics including her in the future!!

oh one final thing, i also made a spotify playlist for her!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qrBhwqopc6KrC7RouFxOZ?si=GPudTv12S92QwBBXqxw0Bg&pi=khdpmOzjTfeQP

Thank you once more for being so kind <33 I hope you have the most wonderful day/evening/night!!

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: The Lemonade Leak

Chapter 19: The Sculptor

Chapter 19 Summary: No summary

The Sculptor: Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is only available to those who have an Ao3 profile. This fanfic is written by @turtleinsoup, so go show them some love and support!!

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is five out of five!! The jump from Donnie's POV to Mikey's is quick and jarring, but also incredibly effective!! Everything is going to be different now. Like, massively different!"

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Suspense/Mystery is four out of five!! The suspense and mystery levels for this chapter originally start out low, as we the readers understand what happened between Donnie and Leo. Then as the story progresses, and more things are revealed, its suddenly apparent that the big picture had yet to be resolved."

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Angst/Hurt is five out of five!! The amount of angsty emotions packed into this chapter is crazy!! The fear, the confusion, the dread, its all so potent!!"

Fluff/Comfort: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is two out of five! Some of the interactions between Mikey and Leo have some comforting elements to them, though it is somewhat marred by the severity of the situations."

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Emotions Conveyed is four out of five!! Mikey's emotions are very powerful, and it really bleeds through into the writing!! The grief, the fear, its all so well written!!"

Drama/Tension Level: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Drama/Tension Level is five out of five!! The tension between Mikey and Leo very prominent, and the family drama is a big part of the story as the chapter progresses!!"

Triggers: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Triggers for this chapter are two out of five. This chapter has less triggers, and more emotional angst in it. Most of the triggering things, are implied, or hinted at, rather than actually talked about or shown."

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Reading) is five out of five!! As this chapter is from Mikey's POV, I'd say its absolutely a wonderful read!! Its poetic, and flowing, different than the writing style of Leo's and Donnie's POVs."

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Audio) is five out of five! No weird formatting in this chapter!! So, its able to be listened to in audio book format!! Yay!!"

Length: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Length is two out of five!! Chapter 19 of The Lemonade Leak takes about 14-15 minutes to listen to!!"

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The Lemonade Leak: Story Ratings and Chapter List

Personal thoughts on chapter below cut (Contains Spoilers)

Later, Mikey’d sketch over the memory, re-trace it for details, his mental brush hovering too long over the same spots, muddling Leo’s last expressions into loose suggestions. Mikey would re-tell them a thousand times. But here, oh no. His head was stuffed with crème au beurre, a savory-sweet non-knowing.

I absolutely adore how Mikey thinks in art terms, and baking terms. All creativity and creation. It’s fun to compare the thought style of the brothers, and how it affects how they interpret each others actions. 

Dr. Feelings didn’t answer. He was super silent lately, and a part of Mikey felt chewy about it, but maybe it was for the best! Mikey couldn’t trust him to do it. To help Leo. (Chocolate should be chocolate and nothing else, and all that!) Dr. Feelings would’ve tried to talk Donnie out of it.

It’s interesting how Dr. Feelings seems to be more of a presence in Mikey’s mind rather than a persona. I wonder, if that was built into his mind, like a fail safe mode to get his brothers to stay together. Because we often see that Mikey is very sensitive and caring. He’d never yell at people. However, Doctor Delicate Touch is very harsh, and Doctor Feelings takes no crap. They both deal with different things. Dr. Delicate Touch with physical issues, and Dr. Feelings with emotional problems. I wonder, does Mikey control this?

Where’s he at? Supply run? He tried to think back. Did he tell me? It was hard to remember. A lot of things were, lately. Memories kept smudging from frantic retracing, mental brush strokes unwilling to form.

Like a hand brushing over a graphite pencils drawing to many times over. Eventually it all smudges together, and bold light and dark contrasts all become gray. 

Mikey kept Dr. Positive at gunpoint while he closed the door to Donnie’s room.

Maybe because he doesn’t wanna be overly hopeful? Or because he doesn’t want Dr. Positive to leave… 

Mikey warped his arms around Leo’s neck and pressed his nose against the base of Leo’s throat. (By his nature. Like apricot confiture, clementine compote, or the skin of a peach – Orange was a sticky color. His brothers understood that the way they understood their own hues in the picture.) Leo didn’t try to wipe him off. This close, Leo’s scent filled him in a thick rush, petrichor and damp. At the base of Leo’s pulse, Mikey could make out every nuance, every past palette. The dried blood layering him, the sour lick of chemicals and far-away places. Those were the new normal.

The imagery that all these poetic sentences bring, is beautiful in almost a haunting way. I love how Mikey’s thoughts and emotions are objectified. How they’re expressed through colors, and sounds, and flavors. It’s simply stunning. 

Mikey tightened his hold and bumped his cheek to Leo’s. Dotting his purr with playful little pecks. “I love hanging out with you, you’re so cool! And fun. You’re so dang important to me.” He felt Leo exhale shakily, sinking into Mikey’s embrace, heavily. His muscles fought with themselves but lost against their own instincts. Leo buried his face in Mikey’s warm shoulder.

Out of all the brothers, Mikey is the one who is most in tune with his emotions. He’s also the one who is most in tune with his animalistic instincts, as they go hand in hand. You can clearly see how this give's Mikey a leg up on his brothers. They're all powerful in their own ways, and this is one of Mikey's ways.

Donnie, Leo. Missing. It was like half of Mikey’s body had been amputated, and he was left with phantom pain in every movement. His body itched and burned, so much; it was hard to feel much but the missing, missing, missing of my brothers.

Mikey’s role in the unit is to keep his family, so it makes sense for that to be instinct driven. It’s not even something he can control. Just how Donnie only feels welcome when he has a purpose, Mikey only feels happy when his brothers are around. Incomplete without them. 

Dad didn’t look up from the kitchen table. “What do you mean to say, Orange?” he asked.

Now that Donnie's gone, now that Splinter is no longer taking any of those specialized pills, he's up and about, and interacting with his sons.

Now, my last little thought is on the chapter name. The Sculptor is a very fitting name for Mikey. I find it interesting that the name the painter, or artist wasn't chosen. The sculptor seems much more fitting for this Mikey in particular. A sculptor, to create art, slowly chips away at a hard exterior, till its the shape they want it to be. Occasionally, they'll mold soft clay, shifting it to how they want it to look so that once it dries, it'll be in its correct shape. Other artists, such as painters add paint to a canvas, while a sculptor already has what they're given. Mikey chips away at his brothers, and molds them when they're soft, turning them into the art they need to be.

[shwoo]

Nearly forgot about the new Fionna and Cake episodes, (Destiny and the Winter King) and had to go to bed immediately after watching it, but now I have thoughts! About those two episodes specifically. Very overthinky thoughts in places.

I got tired and took all day writing this, so it might decrease in coherency as it goes on.

-It's nice to see Simon having motivation again. Even if that motivation is to... basically die.

-Simon is such a nerd, with his excitement about the library and his Ship of Theseus joke! I love him. Why did he not actually go into the library, though? :(

-I wrote a fanfic once when a Farmworld character comments on a normal Adventure Time style character's lack of nose, and the character covers it self-consciously! It was... weirdly validating to see the show make the same joke?

-Farmworld Jake is still alive... Did main world Jake not die of old age? I'm sure a normal dog wouldn't have a longer natural lifespan than a magical talking dog who is also half stretchy alien.

-Farmworld Finn's named kids have the same names as Finn's pillow kids in Puhoy! That was a cool callback, even though pillow Bonnie's name made more sense. Did Finn not name her after Princess Bubblegum in the pillow world, or did he also know a Bonnie in Farmworld?

-I thought Jay was a girl for most of the episode, until someone referred to him with masculine pronouns. I like living in this world where I could think that despite his thing for Little Destiny being obvious from the beginning. (I like that gay relationships are more commonly and casually depicted in fiction than they used to be)

-I like Farmworld Finn. He's a good person who's doing his best. I hope he didn't die in the end. It seemed a little ambiguous.

-Simon, you of all people should know not to talk positively about the crown to someone who was cursed by it. Unless he didn't realise Finn ever wore the crown?

-After Simon assumed that Jay's dad was another version of him, I was hoping he'd find out what did happen to him in this universe, but I guess the corpse was a little bit close to the giant nuclear bomb thingy.

-Cake apparently reads AO3, or at least something adjacent enough to know what enemies to lovers is, which is impressive for someone who was a normal housecat like a day ago.

-The next episode has a Gumlee subplot for some reason? Okay! And Gary's not wrong that Fionna flaked out on him. She could've at least tried to explain where she was once Winter King fixed her phone, but she didn't.

-Also I love that Ellis P was randomly at Fionna's apartment too. They only just met.

-I wonder how much of the differences between the Winter King and Simon are intrinsic to this world's Simon, and how much are a result of him using the crown. He's definitely still influenced by the crown, but I'm not sure what his line about Betty is implying. Did he start feeling that way because of this universe's point of divergence, or did the point of divergence happen because he never liked her as much as the main Simon did? He reacted so calmly about her that I don't think he was lying.

-Interesting contrast with Simon being fine in the snow while Fionna and Cake are clearly freezing. That's some superhuman cold tolerance Simon has.

-"How'd you stop being Ice King" "I just tried REALLY HARD and now everything's great!" "Oh, okay,"

-Was it winter in the Fionna and Cake world in the first episode? The world is obviously affected by Simon's mental state in some way, and now it's snowing over there.

-I'm not sure what to think about ice Marceline, but wasn't she older than that when she turned the family axe into some kind of lute? I don't know if this world's Marceline is supposed to be dead or not, but Winter King seems to have depicted her at that age for a reason.

-I thought it was a role reversal world when the Candy Queen showed up, but all her Ice King-like traits were just foreshadowing! Disturbing, disturbing foreshadowing. I thought it was interesting that she did the same leg kick thing while playing the piano that the Winter King did. Or maybe that was a just a callback.

-Simon seemed to legitimately like her song. He's so sweet when he's not marinating in self-hatred.

-No wonder the Candy Queen feels such a sense of kinship with the Winter King that she wants to mash them up in a blender. He's giving her all his negative traits so he doesn't have to deal with them.

-The Lemoncarbs were never going to like Gary's proposal. They're Lemongrabs and he's a Princess Bubblegum, and there's been multiple episodes about how incompatible their interests are.

-Fionna did that weird demagickifying Prismo thing like Cake did with one of the hot dog people in the second episode. Does that only happen when they're feeling happy and accepted, or was the timing coincidence? Also, I think it might have something to do with why Prismo's not supposed to create things, since it uses the same effect as his powers. Their world is probably inherently unstable regardless of whose head it's in, or something dramatic like that.

-I'm glad Fionna's rethinking her self-centred worldview. Maybe she can also realise that her own world isn't as boring as she thinks, because I'm pretty sure that's also a metaphor for Simon's self-hatred. Though would it still be a metaphor if she's not currently in his head?

-So we've had a revisit of Farmworld, where FInn was negatively affected by the crown's curse, and a world where Princess Bubblegum is negatively affected by the crown's curse. Is Marceline up next? She was at least as important a secondary character on the original show as PB was. And more important personally to Simon.

[joanna-lannister]

i was tagged by @damadisangue thank you so much for the tag bestie ❤️✨

When did you start writing?

I started writing back when I was a child (original stories and in my journals), but my first fanfic was written when I was around 11-12? I'm not sure precisely, but I know I was around those ages and I had no idea fanfictions were a thing. I found out way later fanfictions existed and that some people had the same brainrot as me lmao.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

God, I love Thriller and Horror, but I don't think I'm capable of writing those kind of genres.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Gillian Flynn! I just love her writing style, how sharp and incisive it is. Also, Anaïs Nin. I haven't read her works yet, but I have seen way too many quotes around here, and I love what she was trying convey with her writing. And of course, I love Jeffrey Eugenides' writing style too (tho I haven't read The Marriage Plot yet, so I could be disappointed).

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My tiny kitchen 😂😭 I sit on my chair with my phone (I know this is terrible, but I can't write on my laptop) near the open window, and I just write what's going on in my mind. Also, cigarettes. I need my cigarettes with me to and to smoke to focus on what I'm writing. A bad habit, I know, but everyone has their own vices, I guess?

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Honestly, anything. Can be a song, a movie or a TV show, a book or a picture.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes, childbirth and pregnancy are two of the main themes I love to explore because they touch me personally, so it comes as no surprise. Also, sibling incest between brother and sister obviously, and I love writing Jaime and Cersei being married which is kinda funny because I guess marriage is not for me? But yes, I love giving them that, what they couldn't have in canon.

What is your reason for writing?

Oooof, because I have too many ideas? And I like to explore the "What if?" that create endless possibilities. I also need to put my blorbos in situation lmao.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Oh, I never thought about that question before. I would say as someone welcoming? Maybe charming and warm, who tries her best to feed her fandom?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think I have the ability to create a cozy and heart-warming atmosphere. At least, that's what people compliment me about.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Uh, I hate it most of the time 😔 Sometimes, I'm impressing myself, like "Wow, I really wrote that!", but most of the time I hate my writing style (tho I've gained confidence over the years, someone claps). I wish it could be more poetic and less dull.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

For myself first and foremost, because as I said, I have too many ideas, and I need to put Jaime and Cersei in situations, but each comment fills me with joy. To know someone enjoyed what I had in my mind, and took the time to read it and leave a comment? There's no better feeling, but I don't think I'm influenced by what people wants to read (or otherwise I would write for a more popular ship LOL).

tagging: @musical-chick-13 @bellamyblakru @nepobabyeurydice and anyone else who wants to do it.

[adickaboutspoons]

The Curse of "The Curse of the Seafaring Life"

So now that I've had some time to come down from the euphoria of watching two middle-aged men kissing in the moonlight, I've got to admit episode 5 is... bad. Like the kiss is divine and perfect and I love it with all my heart and soul, but the rest of it doesn't make a lick of sense, within the context of what we've seen this season, or within the themes of the show as a whole. And it's not just a matter of inserting a couple of lines of dialogue to fix it as with episode 4. To me, it requires a full tear-down to the very studs.

I understand that for future plot purposes implied by the trailers, it will become important that Stede knows how to do fighty pirate-y stuff, but the way they get there challenges credulity. Stede states that he "hasn't really felt [that he is the captain]" since they got back on the ship. But... why? He's called and led at least two all-hands meetings in the past two episodes (letting the crew know Ed was not dead after all, and mediating the non-pology sesh), collected votes for the decision to exile Ed (and stayed with the crew rather than going with Ed, even though finding Ed was, like, supposedly his entire motivation, god that still makes me so angry writers I am in your walls!), and convinced the crew to, at least temporarily, let Ed be un-banished. No one is challenging him for his position. No one is questioning his authority. No one is being insubordinate or any less respectful to him than they generally are, considering he encourages open and honest dialogue (which sometimes invites less-than-respectful expressions of ideas with this crew.) No one is even suggesting that his feelings for Ed might negatively impact his objectivity or his ability to perform his captainly duties. For heaven's sake, half of the crew (eventually) followed him in applauding Ed's feeble scrabble at an apology. And quite aside from all that - how many times, exactly, does he need to prove himself? He JUST orchestrated a successful escape plan using fucking TOWELS. He's ALREADY captain material! So why would he have that less-than-captain feeling?

And the only thing that I can think of is that they needed to get him to train with Izzy somehow (why did it have to be Izzy, though? More on that in a moment). So how to get him there? Well, Izzy's mean, right? So maybe Stede needs to think that he needs to get mean, so he'll go to be trained at the foot of the master. But why would Stede suddenly think he needs to be mean? Especially considering how delighted he was when Yi Sao clocked his energy as soft? Well, maybe Ed tells him the way to Feel More Captain-y is to be more assertive.

But as much as Ed-in-a-collar asking Stede to order him around is going to find a forever home in my fanfic plotbunny document, that just... doesn't make any sense. Ed LOVES that Stede is out here doing things completely different from anyone else. One of the main theses of the show is that Stede's people-positive management style is CORRECT, actually, and another is that living life as your authentic self is more important than duty or obligation. Stede needing to "butch up" to be a proper captain runs antithetical to both those ideas AND to the established dynamic between Ed and Stede. Honestly, it reads a lot more like validation of Stede's insecurities about not being enough for Ed, and that whole dream sequence that opened the season. Which would be fine if Stede was going through an arc where he thinks he needs to be more manly and learns in the end that he's fine just the way he is, but that doesn't seem to be the case? As such, it's frankly pure contrivance, and just sloppy writing.

So taking out that pin about training with Izzy. I'm gonna be real, this feels like pure fanservice to me, and I'm not just talking about Con O'Neil's magnificently sculpted tits. Izzy's "redemption arc" (and, yes, I'm putting it in scare quotes) feels completely unearned to me. What - he's absolved in his suffering? Even though we've seen not one hint of remorse for what he's done to others (only for how the repercussions of his actions actually impacted him)? Not even the barest scrap of a non-pology? Then Why Isn't Ed? Ed who has suffered too. Ed who was so fucked up he made MORE THAN ONE attempts at suicide by proxy in episode 2? Ed who keeps getting kicked when he's already down and NOT extended the same sympathy and understanding from the crew? It's a real bad look, y'all. In fact, it looks a lot more like Izzy is not going through a "redemption arc" so much as an "he's already redeemed, trust us" arc, and training Stede is more about him proving that he's part of the community by offering support and expertise, and resolving his personality crisis ("who am I to you?" and "what even are you?") - roles which, by all rights, would be better filled by Jim (who had JUST given up on their vengeance quest to try and see what being part of a family might be like, only to be caught up in the Kraken's shit and having to fight for survival, and could now have an opportunity to work through their trauma by using their skills to HELP someone rather than hurt, and learning how to be soft - like the flesh of someone becoming human after so recently being someone's puppet) or Ed (who needs to learn to reconcile the various aspects of his personality, and that violence doesn't have to come coupled with the baggage of being unlovable, and who needs to relearn how to trust and be trusted by Stede, and how to earn the crew's forgiveness). Because the fact of the matter is? Stede MUST be lying when he tells Izzy that Ed attributes "everything he knows" to Izzy's teaching. The whole point of the escape from the Spanish relies upon the premise that there is knowledge that Ed possesses that Izzy doesn't and can't. Look at Stede's face when he says "More specifically, he said you taught him everything he knows.":

(corporate needs you to find the difference between these 2 pictures) It's giving very "Stark Revelations" vibes. I'm thinking Stede is getting Izzy to buy in to his training by using a little of that weaponized empathy he picked up studying at the feet of the master: Yi Sao. I don’t love Stede pandering to the ego of a mediocre white dude by conferring upon him the responsibility for Ed’s achievements and brilliance in order to get what Stede wants out of him, but it’s immeasurably better than the suggestion that Ed’s achievements and brilliance actually ARE down to Izzy. Neither way of interpreting the implications of the scene are great, though, which is uncharacteristically sloppy writing from this show. All the more reason why Stede’s training should be in the hands of anyone else EXCEPT Izzy.

The training montage itself is… not a training montage. It’s a cringe compilation. Just scene after scene of Stede being bad at things and no follow-up scenes that show him improving. The line about him just letting his body take over in the field and it working out for him is just bad and wrong. First, it conveys Plot Armor on Stede, and obviates the NEED for training. Second, really, Stede? How about the time you almost stabbed Doug for the crime of *checks notes* putting his hand on your shoulder? Or the time you blacked out and walked barefoot to Bridgetown after Chauncy shot himself? Like, let's please not suggest trauma-induced fugue states are Stede's super-power. Third, that's really not how we have seen Stede earn his victories up until this point, and it really undercuts the fact that Stede is VERY smart, clever, and resourceful, great at improvisation and using his environment to overcome mightier or more skilled opponents (think of the way he bested Izzy at their first encounter, or even, more recently, how he used his habit of putting scent on his towels and how everyone inevitably wanted to breath it in deeply to knock out the prison guards and orchestrate their escape - again, using towels as a zip-line). One of the things about Stede that I think gets under-acknowledged is that he's actually kind of low-key a master of seeing a thing once and figuring out how to do it. In spite of what my Advanced Maneuvers  fic would have you believe, the Unhand Me Or Bleed move actually comes from him observing the bar brawl in ep 2, and then there’s all the stuff with the duel with Izzy and the butt swat and taking it on the left that Ed had shown him only once and only a few nights previously. But what does any of that matter if he’s just going to Dead Zone it and let his body do what it will?

It also bothered me that, when his training is “complete” and he’s going on raids, he's just brute forcing things? Like, his plan was the same every time - run in shouting and waving your blade around. Where’s the clever planning? Where’s the distraction? Where’s the style and finesse? What happened to his rapture over fuckeries?

The resolution of the curse storyline/training montage is bothering me in a way that I feel is emblematic of the bigger problems with the season as a whole so far. The whole point of a training montage is either to payoff with a scene SHOWING the use of all the accumulated skills, or a subversion of that; why they CAN'T use those skills (like in Galavant where he over-trained for the joust and therefore couldn't move when it came time to actually participate). But instead, we get exposition fairies. "Wow - that sure was an epic battle we just did! With us fighting back-to-back and Archie swinging from a rope!" All the interesting and important stuff is happening off-camera, and we're just being asked to accept that it happened. Just like we’re asked to accept that the Swede’s time with Jackie is more fulfilling in some way that his time with the Revenge was not. Just like we’re asked to accept that everyone’s just cool with Izzy now - even the people who last saw him when he was marooning them, even to the point of working together to make him a peg leg and calling him their new unicorn. Just like we’re asked to accept that Black Pete or Olu missed their SOs, even to the point of “crying every night” for the former, but never seeing them actually mention it/crying about it.

And about that - although I was initially overjoyed by it, now that I’ve had some time to reflect, I'm not sure I'm so happy about the Proposal. Like, Lucius is still clearly in a v. vulnerable and traumatized state, and it's maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe not the BEST time to be making big life choices? Juxtapose with Ed finally learning to maybe not charge full-speed-ahead. Maybe handing the U-haul keys to another couple isn’t all that great an idea, actually?

Now on to the Curse. What the dying priest literally says when Stede and Jim enter the room is "We were voyaging to the Vatican to seek an exorcism." My auditory processing is sub-par, especially when more than one person is speaking at the same time, so I can't really make out most of what he says after that because Jim keeps babbling about curses (which? I’m sure Vico had lines they were written for them to be saying, but it to present as a translation something that is v. much NOT what the person is actually saying in the mouth of a native speaker of the language is SO weird to me), and maybe it's me splitting hairs, but exorcism is v. much a casting demons out of a PERSON thing - not a "cursed artifact" thing. But fuck it. Let’s go with the “translation” Jim gives us and stick with cursed items instead of bedeviled people. There’s a real missed opportunity here to have done something extremely clever linking the "curse" and the crew's trauma and, through the process of coming together to formulate a plan for how to free themselves from the curse, managing to take the first steps toward exorcising their own demons. I mean, this is just surface-level metaphor stuff, and it's troubling to me that instead we got Stede the Rational White Dude pandering to the superstitions of his mostly POC crew.

I LOVE that Fang reached out to Ed, and that he brought to Ed’s attention the fact that Ed often defaults to problem-solving mode, trying to FIX problems. Which is great when you need to make an impromptu lighthouse to escape the Spanish, but is not necessarily the best approach for emotional problems, where the better answer is sometimes listening rather than talking, or even just actually sitting and dealing with negative feels (though I am not loving the implication that Ed's a non-stop chatterbox. Sometimes he is, but there are plenty of examples of him being introspective - like literally any time he stims with his silk - and also, sometimes soundboarding is an effective tool for processing complicated or painful concepts, too. And also, we see MULTIPLE scenes of Ed crying alone. He’s clearly sitting with his feels. Admittedly there is a huge difference between wallowing/indulging and PROCESSING, but Ed sitting alone in silence with his feels is v. much NOT the problem). But I HATE the messaging about retributive justice in that scene.

So retributive justice - the idea that a person who has caused damage has to be punished to an appropriately equivalent degree in order for 1) justice to be meted to the wronged party, & 2) the wrong-doer to be redeemed for their wrongdoing - is all kinds of problematic to begin with, but especially when seemingly exclusively applied to a MOC. And we have two examples of that in this episode - we have Ed offering to let Lucius to knock him over the rail so that they're squaresies (v. eye-for-an-eye, that), and we have Fang explaining that he's cool with Ed because he brutalized Ed's unconscious body after Jim knocked him out with a cannonball, so that makes them square for all the shit that Ed did to him.

With Lucius, we see that it DOESN'T actually make things square. Lucius is still traumatized, and just as obsessed with Ed as ever, possibly even moreso. With Fang, we see the exact opposite. He and Ed ARE cool, and Fang doesn't seem to have any lingering issues.

So not only is the scene with Fang kind of gross and reductionist, and reinforces the "broken people do broken things" idea that's been uncritically floated earlier in the season, instead of recognizing that sometimes people have maladaptive behaviors in response to suboptimal circumstances and insufficient support systems, but also, when juxtaposed with the scene with Lucius, the show is refusing to come down one way or another on the topic, and I think that's pretty cowardly on the "toxic masculinity and racism are unequivocally wrong" show.

So how would I fix it?

1) Frame Stede’s practical pirate training urges as Stede self-enriching by re-taking up the reigns of his pirate lessons, not as him needing to learn how to captain

2) Make Ed his teacher, and thereby allow for a gradual rebuilding of trust and strengthening of their relationship (and also some flirtatious banter and UST because they're both trying to hold back and re-figure things out, but also that undeniable chemistry is still there. For me. As a treat)

3) I guess Izzy can help. But HE has to ask. As a "trying to find my place now that so much has changed for me" kind of thing, and also expressing some fucking gratitude to Stede for saving his rat ass

4) My training montage would be an ACTUAL training montage with the comedy failboating at the beginning, and showing actual progress until they're ready to do the Curse raid (which sets up the subversion of payoff for the training montage because they ARE ready, but there's nothing to fight on a ship of the dead). Nix the second raid altogether so I don't have to get cranky about expositing the action sequence. Also that line about blacking out and just letting things happen would be erased from history, too. 

5) Ed's participation in the "exorcizing the demons" plot is what starts to mend bridges with the crew and starts to bring him back into the community. (Also, I want Ed to be able to see Stede feeling himself in his red suit, and it is a CRIME that we were denied that.)

6) It’s my drastic re-write, so in my version, we’re gonna nix the Fang line supporting retributive justice, but we’re KEEPING the Lucius interaction. Maybe in the 'exorcize the demons' brainstorm sesh, Ed proposes that he dress in the devil suit and Lucius be allowed to push him overboard (a 2-for-1 expurgation. Also, there would be a line where Ed goes up to Stede and is all "I really need to get you out of those clothes", and Stede breathlessly replying, "Oh, Ed!" and then Ed awkwardly having to walk it back with hasty explanations, and Stede apologizing for making assumptions, and Ed having to beat a hasty, flustered retreat, because even though he has 100% seen Stede naked before, there’s an unbearable tension to the idea of seeing him like that now). But the overboard plan doesn’t work on EITHER front. Once Ed is back on board, still wearing the devil suit, something goes wrong that convinces the crew the curse is still there (maybe it's Stede doing target practice in the background with Izzy, and THAT'S when the sail falls on everyone's head), and Lucius' can still have his "That didn't actually give me the closure I thought it would have" mini-arc. Ed can start in again, pitching more ideas and talking over people, and Fang can gently suggest that Ed doesn't have to be the one to come up with all the plans. Sometimes it's ok to just sit back and listen, and realize that sometimes your input is doing more harm than good, and it's ok to take a step back.

7) Lucius and Pete aren’t getting engaged. Sorry. Maybe Lucius can propose, but Pete would gently tell him that, while he absolutely wants to and plans to spend the rest of his life with Lucius, he’s concerned that Lucius is moving a little fast, and maybe flailing for something to make him feel better immediately rather than taking the time to work through his trauma, and as much as Pete loves him, he’s not going anywhere; Lucius can take all the time he needs to come to terms with what happened to him, and then, when he asks again, Pete will say yes.

8) After the Curse plot is resolved Ed has been sitting and stewing with the bad feelings that your input can be deletory and unwelcomed. THEN Fang can impart the "sometimes you just have to sit with your feels and let it be uncomfortable" wisdom. Maybe Ed shares what he’s been going through on his own and hiding from the crew. But knowing how to process your emotions instead of just ruminating on them is a learned skill. I don’t know if Fang is the person to teach that to Ed, but honestly I don’t know who IS since Lucius would NORMALLY be the emotional intelligence guy, so I guess Fang can be the one with emotional insight since he is quite the softy under it all.

But also I still want moonlit middle-aged men kisses, so maybe Fang also suggests that just because your input isn't needed in some places doesn't mean it would be unwelcome in all - and sometimes it's a matter of redirecting your energy, and him indicating Stede (in his shirt) brooding over the rail at the loss of his awesome (I am only saying this word for Stede’s sake, because I actually fucking hate the hideous cutaway tailcoat with its tacky, poorly applied appliques) suit. And things are better between them because of training montage, but still awkward, and Ed is now the one taking the initiative to meet Stede where HE'S at and complimenting the shirt, "wear fine things well," etc.

(And, hell, since this is essentially a fix-it fic in essay form, there may or may not be a plotbunny brewing in my head about them agreeing to "take it slow" and then sloooooowly walking together to the captain's cabin and Whoops! they forgot there's only one bed now. Should one of them maybe take the pile of furs on the floor? No! they can totally share a bed platonically. Yup. Just two platonic buds sleeping and nothing else at all in the same bed. Except Stede DESPERATELY has to masturbate about what just transpired between them. He is not as stealth as he thinks he is. And maybe when he wakes in the morning, Ed informs him that he was moaning Ed's name in his sleep all night…)

[skylightangels]

What's your headcanon for Katniss and Peeta's children?

How old was Katniss when give birth to their daughter?

How many years apart between them in age?

Your headcanon for their name?

Who gets the singing and art skill from their parent?

Bonus question : please give recs of your fav everlark post-Mockingjay fanfic.

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

Thanks for the ask!

To be completely honest, I don't have a lot of headcanons about Everlark's kids. I haven't really thought about them much. Main thing I think about is that I love when we call them the toast babies. But here's the thoughts I do have:

Katniss was at least thirty, maybe mid-thirties when she had her daughter. I think it would have taken her a long time to feel safe enough to have kids. Then I think the two toast babies are 4 years apart in age, honestly just because it's the age difference between Katniss and Prim as well as the difference between me and my younger sibling.

I like the names Suzanne said she gave them in her head (Willow & Rye), but I really like that they don't have names in the book. I think not sharing their names was a very intentional choice of Katniss's, like she wanted to keep her personal life and her kids' lives private after what she had to go through in the Games. If I had to choose names for them though, I'd go with plant/nature names because that seems to be somewhat the norm in Twelve or at least in Katniss's family. Definitely Primrose as a middle name for the girl, I think.

I like the idea of the kids having the opposite skills from their parents, as in toast baby girl is the painter and toast baby boy is the singer, but I also like the idea of them getting those skills in different ways. Maybe they don't sing but play an instrument, maybe they don't paint but do another art form like pottery. I also think they all bake together as a family, and that Katniss would teach her kids to forage/identify edible plants, but would never teach them to hunt because they don't have to. (Not to swerve into an entirely different fandom here, but it's similar to how Season 6 Dean Winchester tells Ben he will never, ever shoot a gun.)

Now for fic recs!

This is my post-Mockingjay WIP! It starts with Peeta's return to Twelve and covers the next year and a half-ish.

Out of the Night: An Interview with a Mockingjay is written like an article and I found it pretty interesting and unique from the style of most fics.

And Clean is a lovely little growing back together fic.

I wish I had more recs but I haven't been reading a lot of everlark fic lately, even though that's what I'm writing.

[stupidphototricks]

I'm jealous of kids today being able to grow up with the amazing YA books being written now ("now" for me being within the past 15 years or so), but I still read them even though I'm not Young. Here are a few of my favorite YA authors and books, in no particular order:

Patrick Ness, The Rest of Us Just Live Here TW: mental illness, suicidal thoughts I adore that there's a whole epic fantasy battle thing that we see pieces of in the foreground, but the book focuses on the characters in the background who are dealing with their own stuff.

Alice Oseman, Radio Silence and Solitaire TW: suicidal thoughts, emotionally abusive parent (RS), self-harm (S), eating disorder (S) You might recognize Alice Oseman as the author of the Heartstopper comic and TV series. They wrote novels too! Really good ones, although that's not surprising. Solitaire's protagonist is Charlie's sister Tori, and its events take place a year or so after the start of Heartstopper (possible spoilers for season 3, who knows?). Radio Silence is set in the same town I think another year later, and Aled (who was in the comics, but was renamed and somewhat reimagined as Isaac in TV Heartstopper) is a main character though not the protagonist. Nick, Charlie, and Tori make very brief cameos.

David Levithan and John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson TW: I can't think of any major triggers in this book, I apologize if I missed something. Obviously both of these authors have independently written other excellent books, but this one is my favorite, mostly because I love Tiny Cooper and his musical so much. This is the lightest (i.e. not dark, and not heavy) by far of the books here. It's mostly really fun but occasionally serious.

Jandy Nelson, I'll Give You the Sun TW: bullying, homophobia, suicidal thoughts, death I read a review of this book that basically said enough with the artsy language and metaphors, so maybe it isn't for everybody, but I found it brilliant. It encapsulates a thought or an idea or a feeling in a way you'd never expect, but that you relate to immediately. Also I think that having the POV switch between twins, but two years apart (one twin at 14, the other twin at 16) with a major life-altering event in between, is an amazing way to tell this story.

Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and Park and Carry On TW: bullying (E&P), abusive family situation (E&P), vampires (CO) Eleanor and Park is set in the 80s with all of the requisite 80s accessories, and characters that will make your heart break in different ways. Carry On is a sort of Drarry fanfic spoof (and supposedly written by a character in a different Rainbow Rowell novel!). But the characters are so well-developed and engaging that you stop seeing them as caricatures and start caring about them in their own right.

Jesse Andrews, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl and The Haters TW: vulgar talk (really just teenage boys trying to be gross), dysfunctional family situation (M&E&DG), death (M&E&DG) I can't overstate how much I love the writing style of these books. Always entertaining and often hilarious, it jumps from normal prose to an outline, to a film script, to a bulleted list, and always turns out to be the perfect way to show whatever is going on.

What's most important to me: In all of these books, the young adult characters are real people who are complicated, and surprising, and funny, and passionate. They may have serious problems but they can have fun and be silly. They screw up but they try to fix things. They love and support their friends, and their friends love and support them. Often there are parents who are also real people doing their best; I appreciate that in a YA book! For the most part these books don't have magically happy endings, but they do end in a good place, with hope.

[aibidil]

Hi there!

I'm fairly new to this whole airing out fanfic-obsession on social media (last time I was this much into ff reading was ten years ago, so not much going on with sharing and commenting at the spur of the moment), so I hope it's okay to message you here.

I've just begun reading Alyways Already. And I'm so in love with your writing style. It's so sophisticated, I love reading all those special words. I'm not a native English speaker, but I do like the language a lot. So I appreciate the variety of words. There are so many words you don't usually find in fics. It's heaven - for me! Well, and of course it also fits Draco's character perfectly.

In Always Already I also very much liked the excursion into Biology with Luna's Circle. I was always fascinated by how much Epigenetics impacts and turns around what was believed to be solely in your DNA. But I digress.

Let me come to the main point, why I'm writing now and not just commenting on ao3 after having read the whole thing (as that's my MO) - Nettles is a fantastic character and I enjoyed him tremendously so far. The charm on the employees is such a cool touch, as I also value using non-gendered language. So important to be open minded about that and teaching the kids the right things.

But, in one of his speeches, Nettles says both 'mother' and 'father' (the former in terms of no fornication, I believe). In the next chapter Harry thinks about the speech charm and changes mother hen to parent chicken in his mind. Is there something I missed about the change/not-change of mother and father?

So far, I've only read one other fic from you, When Times are Dire. And I loved that one so much, gave me all the fuzzy feelings about these two. <3 drarry

And Scorpius and Al in that one, so cute. Such a strong relationship!

I adore your work and I hope you'll still enjoy writing for many many years to come!

Best wishes from Germany

Insa

Thank you so much for this delightful comment—it’s so motivating to hear how people react to my writing!

I love hearing from readers that they enjoy my vocabulary, mostly because using a wide array of words isn't something I set out to do. In fact, I used to tell my students to stop using so many "big words," to not use a big word when a little one would do, because they ended up obscuring their point and sounding ridiculous! That said, I love words (like you do), and I try to use the word that best fits the need.

I'm so glad you enjoyed Nettles! He's definitely my favorite OC :)

Now that I think about it, I imagine it's hard to fully understand that gender neutrality charm if you're not a native English speaker, because most other languages are so inherently gendered (so much more than English!)

Harry idly speculated that "mother hen" would be changed by the charm to "parent chicken" for no reason other than that the charm is set to degender language, and "mother" is gendered.

That said, your point is an interesting one because "mother" is a word I'd argue could still be spoken in the Department of Mysteries in 2004, but only when the speaker's meaning relies on that gender (assuming the charm was smart enough to differentiate between those different scenarios). For example, if someone tried to vaguely tell a group to "ask your mother," that would be a good case for the charm to change to "ask your parent," because that's 1) more inclusive (not everyone has a mother), and 2) doesn't assume that only mothers should have the burden of being asked for whatever. On the other hand, if a person said, "I am a mother," it would be definitely be inappropriate for the charm to change that to "parent." So when Nettles is referring specifically to their mothers and fathers, the charm doesn't change the word, because that would be inappropriate.

At the risk of overintellectualizing a silly comedic plot device, this gets to the crux of why the degendering charm is actually super complicated. Someone with good intentions to improve office culture wanted to stop people from misgendering and unnecessarily gendering people in the department. I would argue this is a legitimate problem in English-speaking workplaces. It's very common for work emails to be addressed "Hey guys," for example (English speakers would argue they use "hey guys" in a gender-neutral way, and I do this too, but I'd argue that it isn't appropriate when you're in a position of authority and don't know if your subordinates are comfortable being under the heading of "guys"). So the charm is designed to fix that. But then it has the unintended effect of changing words that arguably shouldn't be changed, like the idiomatic "mother hen" or "bad boy."

This very issue comes up all over the place! When I was in grad school I studied feminist theory involving mothers—not parenthood but mothers specifically, as in, involving childbirth and the parent experience related to bodies with a uterus and breasts. But men and non-binary people give birth, too! Which means we should stop saying, for example, "mothers-to-be" and instead say "pregnant people," because it's more accurate and more inclusive. But then if I'm writing a paper, or if a person in a birth clinic is writing a website, does that mean it's not okay to use the word "mother" at all? Many women who identify strongly with the word "mother" feel (and let's be clear - this feeling is morally neutral, at least so long as it's only a feeling) a sense of loss at the erasure of the word "mother" from the experience. Especially because mothers have so often been screwed by society/capitalism precisely because our experience of parenthood is a gendered one as mothers. So then you can see how we are now catapulted to the center of the terf discourse! One side saying we need to be inclusive and the other side saying that that inclusivity constitutes erasure.

It's interesting, too, because there are times I'd argue the use of the gender-neutral "parent" actually operates to muddy the discourse. Imagine you were talking about something like the time burden of organizing a child's extracurriculars. There's nothing about that task that is related to having a uterus or to being feminine, so it's a case where it wouldn't make sense to use the word "mother," right? But!!! We know that this type of thankless task is almost always done by mothers, not by a vague "parent", and is one of the invisible tasks that makes the institution of motherhood (as opposed to parenthood) so oppressive and problematic. This is a case where I always choose to use the word "parent," but I note when it is something that falls unequally on women. So I might say "Arranging extracurriculars takes a lot of time for parents, and this is a task that falls mostly on women."

Here's another example: parental leave. “Parental leave” is the gender-neutral version of (or an umbrella term for) maternity and paternity leave. So we might think someone who cares about gender equality should want to get rid of maternity/paternity leave and replace it with parental leave. However! We have LOTS of data showing that, when men take parental leave, they don’t take on primary caregiving of the new baby. We have data on the way that parental leave is used by men and women in academia, and when men take parental leave from academia they use their parental leave to catch up on work, coming back ahead of where they would’ve been if they hadn’t taken leave. Women academics who take leave, on the other hand, get NO work done, and come back scrambling. So parental leave as used by cis men has the function of further entrenching gender inequality! (There are a lot of ways to address this, but one way is to make sure these men actually are doing the caregiving.) Does this mean we need to use gendered language and concepts when talking about parental leave, excluding trans and non-binary parents? No. But it does mean that a simple replacement of nongendered for gendered language is far from a solution, and probably even more of a problem.

I don't know what the answer is, but I think it would be a mistake to discount either side of this debate when it comes to the use of the word "mother." I wrote my dissertation in 2014-2015, and use the word "mother" throughout with a footnote disclaimer that men and non-binary people also give birth, but that I would use "mother" for simplicity since I was talking about the effects of gendered society on mother's lives. (I also had a section specifically focused on the trans experience, so I don't think anyone reading would think I'd completely ignored trans child-bearing parents.) I remember at the time being viscerally attached to the concept of motherhood and not wanting to use any other language. Today, I'd make a different choice, I think. I don't know what, exactly, because I don't think I'd want to never use the word "mother,” either. I don't know!

You definitely didn't ask for this deep dive into the theory of gendered language and of attempts to degender it. 😅 And I know all of this is even trickier in languages that are more inherently gendered than English. But all of this is to say, I think a charm like the one on the Department of Mysteries in Always Already would definitely make errors, because there are too many contingencies for a charm to take into account (unless magic is far more powerful than I generally assume). And more to the point, I don't think this is something a charm (or, in our world, a single set of rules programmed into computer code or solved by ChatGPT) could solve - because it's something we need to debate and discuss. We need to be open to there being no single, simple answer. And that's something that neither charms, programs, nor AI can ever be in charge of.

[hythlodaeus-mynewoldfriend]

📥👖🧠✨️ for the fic asks!

Thank you Liz! More centered on my ffxiv stuff since this is the blog for that haha. Anyway! Let's get right to it starting with the last question!

FanFic ASk Game

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

Emotional, tongue-in-cheek, free-spirited or at least so I hope!

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Is it cheating to say any of them? Because I love seeing what people have to say on what I write and put out there! Among my ffxiv stuff I always love seeing comments on things that involve Stasia and Carly (which is mostly wips i know) as they are the ones that stray from the general story and aren't always likable so I like being able to see how they come across and make sure that its the way I intend to and think I'm doing when writing. A more specific piece it would have to be this piece with Anthea and the final days. I feel its one of my best works posted in completion and I like seeing how an event like that comes across to others especially given that much of that time period is up to interpretation of an individual.

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

No planning we die like men! jk jk I am more of a plantser in that I go into a wip with a general idea in my head on what I want the main focus of a piece to be, the intention of it, and any specific lines or actions that inspired it. After that I just write it out and see what happens! A lot of times I get to where I was planning and in ways I didn't expect, other times I end up somewhere different but it felt so natural writing it that I had to leave it. There are the rare occasions I don't do any planning and just get the urge to write and so I do just that and will come back to it if I get stuck, this happened recently with a piece where I had very little in mind other than knowing Phobos is reading various letters Deimos got, but who they were from and what they said and going back home were all things that I came up with on the spot.

One thing I really let free and hardly put any thought into ahead of time is the formatting of my writing though. I like to at times be a bit of a visual writer in that I will use breaks, bolds, italics, lack of spaces, etc. to convey something that I probably would take too long to write out in any other fashion. Besides how else can I best describe racing thoughts and anxiety than putting a bunch of words together without any space between them haha.

Also will mention that much of my stuff looks like panster writing because I was writing it as I was actively playing the story so I had no idea how it was all going to end and what I wanted to do with my kids as Sib and Demos started in two different universes.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

This would depend more on what you would call a wip. I tend to count anything that's at least a few paragraphs or dialogue long, which there's quite a bit of that. If we're talking just straight ideas then there's plenty of moments that I would love to write but I don't have a way to write them quite yet. Things like the last conversation Carly and Zenos have, the conversation Demos has with his mentor after the Vault, lighter moments like Sib trying to tackle Emet in ShB or the montages of the gang waking up at first light to get moving with a frantic Sib trying to catch up anime style getting ready. Hell the time that Deimos believed he could randomly tame a unicorn resulting in him, Emet, and Hyth being chased by a herd of them. Or the start of Etheirys' Worst Girls Trip with Sib and Stasia landing on their guide. I just have a lot of little things or big moments that I'd love to write because I can see them in my brain and how they play out but it can be so hard to translate that. I feel this is also why gposing has become a way for me to tackle these ideas as I plan as if I'm watching a show or movie so I can better get the angles and descriptions without having to actually describe anything haha.

[perpetualcontrolleddrowning]

Writing meme!

7, 16, and 22?

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

That's hard. I don't usually spend so much time thinking about that, because usually when I come up with a fic, the idea itself is usually from a certain characters pov. So I don't spend much planning it. I spend a lot of my fics focusing on internal processing and experiences, so I usually use the pov of whoever I want to send on an emotional journey

For Nettles, specifically, it really started as a whim that I wrote a quick one shot for. Because some of the big focuses and themes of Nettles are the exchange of gifts, the different ways people interpret and communicate things, and specifically the way Ed and Stede provide for each other, I wanted to flip back and forth between them to kind of mirror that. So we could see some of the miscommunications and differing interpretations and also so we as the audience kind of get passed back and forth like the knife or the paperweight or the bag

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

This is hard to answer. Do you mean vague ideas that exist? Ones I'm actually building on? Half finished WIPs?

The vague ideas are all over the place and literally probably in the hundreds. I'm actively pondering and plotting for probably three other fics? Two for ofmd and one for mdzs. The mdzs one is my only big half finished WIP right now. I've got a full outline and about four chapters of it written and shared with no one but my partner.

For the two ofmd ones, they're both meant to be spinoffs in the Nettlesverse (which is what I'm now calling it). The plan is to write them after I finish the main fic, and one is meant to be a short exploration of Jim/Olu while the other focuses on Izzy and a dog that I am going to give him. Hope that answers the question?

22. Are there certain types of writing you won't do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I have no idea. I started writing fanfic about 15 years ago, any there's a whole lot I've done in that time that I might have sworn I'd never do. As of right now, I don't really like writing in first person, so I probably won't be doing that. I haven't properly written smut before, but I am planning to for Nettles, so we'll see if the changes something in me. On that note, I've never written PWP and at the moment don't think I will (pending the aforementioned Changes). I might one day challenge myself to write something that is Only Fluff. It would possibly cause me to spontaneously combust, but I do want to try

I guess this question is kind of hard because a lot of times, when I become aware of something I'm bad at, I'll write something that's Only That to try and get good at it. For example: I am terrible at writing longfic and commiting and finishing it. Hence, Nettles. So I say now I'm bad at all these things and, at the same time, kind of feel a challenge to do a one shot that's only fluff, or in first person, or PWP

Thank you for asking these questions! This was super fun and I always like hearing from you 😘👉👉

[superthatguy62]

Onion Knight & Ingus: Scarlet Duet

(No, it won't be 2.5D. If it even happens.)

With the New Year incoming, I have decided to undertake a different project from the usual Fanfics and such for 2024: I've decided to make a fangame. Or at least a demo.

The loose pitch can be found under the Read More.

Scarlet Duet concepts

(NOTES: Regarding 2.5D and 2D: I had considered the possibility of making the game 2.5D (ala Octopath Traveler or Star Ocean but with less bloom) in Godot. However, the OO map I tried to load did not load correctly (or rather, I did not know how to apply the textures and such) + my general inexperience with 3D led me, for simplicity’s sake, to go with full-on 2D. However, I won’t totally write off the possibility yet.)

Storyline:

A Thief named Gilgamesh has been eyeing the legendary arms of each of the kingdoms. With Argus and Saronia's weapons stolen, Princess Sara is determined to not let Sasune's Wightslayer get taken. However, while dealing with the thief, a Torsion opens, pulling Gilgamesh, Sara, Onion Knight and Ingus into the Interdimensional Rift: The gap between in-between dimensions that is easy to get banished to, but difficult to return from. They end up in the Interdimensional Castle under the control of a man named "Ryu". From there, Onion Knight and Ingus have two objectives: Retrieve Wightslayer and the other Royal Arms from Gilgamesh and find a means of escaping the Interdimensional Rift.

Gameplay Loop:

Simple: Ingus & Onion Knight + Guests: Parties consist of Two-usually of Ingus and Onion Knight. Sara can be called upon for bonus attacks/abilities. Further party members can temporarily be summoned by Manikin Crystals when the respective character’s [Memory] is gained: Some come from spirits wandering the Rift while others come from Onion Knight and Ingus’ previous lives.

Onion Knight and Ingus’ movesets can be influenced in two ways: Materia and Styles.

Materia is equipped before entering a Sector and can be used to preload commands onto Ingus and Onion Knight.

Styles can be applied during battle as an evoker effect. These change Onion Knight and Ingus’ list of commands to be based on whatever character they drew upon (think Command Decks from KH BBS)

Summons come in different forms for different types: Phantom Summons are the traditional FF summons such as Bahamut, Ifrit, Shiva, etc. These have the same effects as in FF3: Black, White and Summon effects. Memory Summons are slightly different: They have three effects depending on the level:

- Level 1: The memory uses a special ability. Drains the gauge 3/4ths of the way.

- Level 2: A Style is applied to either Ingus or Onion Knight based on that character. Drains the gauge halfway.

- Level 3: The character based on the Memory is summoned as a party member. Lasts for a number of turns (?) or until KO. Drains the gauge entirely.

Main Cast:

Onion Knight: One of the two main party members, a boy who feels he has much to prove. Sometimes he’s a smart alack, other times he’s a grouch, But deep down, he’s just a boy who wishes to prove himself… and one who is less certain of his own existence than he cares to admit.

Ingus: The second of the two party members, a soldier who serves Castle Sasune. He has been devoted to the crown his entire life. Normally, this works out well enough. However, as of late he desires to take a sabbatical to his home town of Falgabard to study Dark Blades. Naturally, this conflict eats away at him inside and he has no idea of how to properly break this to his superiors (namely Sara) either. The whole “getting lost in-between dimensions” thing is not helping too, even as he vows to get Sara back home come hell or highwater.

Sara: The Princess of Sasune, Sara decides to take an active role in apprehending the thief stealing weapons from kingdoms. This backfires, as her impulsiveness leads her to leap right into a Torsion, sending her (and Ingus and Onion Knight) into the Interdimensional Rift. While she knows that there’s no way Ingus and Onion Knight would allow her to get to heavily involved, she is still determined to help however she can. And while the possibility of never seeing her kingdom again frightens her, she is intrigued by all of the new places to see.

Gilgamesh: The major antagonist. He’s a goofy figure who acts like a renowned fighter sword collector. Despite his comical atmosphere, he is surprisingly competent in battle and his hunger for it speaks to how dangerous he can be. Gilgamesh initially appears in Sasune to steal the Wightslayer, to go with the Royal Sword and Gungir before being swallowed by a Torsion. He ends up locking himself into the inner sanctum of Ryu’s castle and his repeated run-ins with the duo make it clear that he’s trying to get out of it just as badly as they’re trying to get in. Still, he won’t just hand over the weapons without a fight.

“Ryu”: A mysterious figure who claims to own the castle that Onion Knight, Ingus and Sara find themselves in. He describes himself as a fellow adventurer who merely wishes to see the world as others see it. However, there is much more to Ryu than meets the eye...

Emperor of Saronia: A former ruler of Saronia who found himself within the Rift. He claims to be working on a project that can open a door back to the heroes’ world, although he needs Ingus and Onion Knight’s co-operation to do so.

[REDACTED]: ???

A Brief List of Commands:

Attack: Attacks.

Magic: Allows Ingus and Onion Knight to cast Magic.

Items: Allows Ingus and Onion Knight to use an item.

Jump: Onion Knight or Ingus leaps into the air. After some time, he crashes down on the enemy.

Technique: Uses a particular attack with an added effect, such as the Break line.

Drink: Allows for the drinking of Tonics, Drinks, and other such items

Item Lore: Doubles the effectiveness of an item.

Darkness: Applies self-damage to hit all targets with Dark damage.

And much more.

Worlds:

The Dimensional Castle more than lives up to its name this time around. Various wings of the castle contain the ‘Memory’ of different worlds, creating facsimilies of them.

(Theoretically differs between 2.5 and 2D, Different Worlds will be noted as such)

World 0: Sasune (Grasslands + Castle + Interdimensional Rift)

World 1: Cornelia (Grasslands + Ruins)

World 2: Demon (Castle ExDeath + Pandemonium)

World 3: Ruin (Sky Castle + Ronka)(2D)

World 3: Reactor (Insomnia + Reactor)(2.5D)

World 4: Lunar (Moon + Cavern + Baron Castle)

World 5: Machine (Owen’s Tower + Fire-Powered Ship + Dreadnaught)(2D)

World 5: Ruins (Ronka + Owen)(2.5D)

World 6: Chaos (World of Darkness + Interdimensional Rift + Chaos Shrine)

World 7: Bonus

Bosses:

Gilgamesh (+ Enkidu)/Shin Gilgamesh

Emperor/Hell Arisen Emperor

Xande + Doga (Transformed) + Unei (Transformed)

Golbez + Shadow Dragon

Kaiser Dragon

[REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

And much more.

Reports:

Papers scattered across the Ryu’s castle. These papers describe events that are going on in the background of the main game. Collecting all of them may unlock areas or bosses.

“Ryu’s Reports”: Reports written from Ryu’s perspective. These detail Ryu’s thoughts and wanderings.

[REDACTED]: Effectively Ryu’s Reports after a certain point. They detail what is truly going on.

“Arc’s Journal”: Pages of Arc’s journal which somehow end up in the rift. These detail what has happened since Sara, Onion Knight and Ingus’ disappearance and Luneth, Arc and Refia's efforts to find them.

“Saronia Missives”: Pages of Reports by an unknown third party with a connection to Saronia. These detail the nature of the Rift, among other things.

Other elements to consider:

Dungeons (Map-style? God forbid, SaGa Unlimited style?)

Battle System finer points (enemy health, Octopath sytle weakness/break system?, more later).

How many characters?

Enemies & Bosses and how they fight.

Again: All of this is more akin to a pitch than anything. I still need to learn the engine I'm targeting (Godot) as well as struggling with general inexperience and impatience. Maybe one day this'll be a full-fledged thing. Or maybe I'll fizzle out before even getting a prototype finished. We'll see.

And SE owns all the assets, characters, etc etc.

[zooone]

hello!! I've just found your blog here and I've been really wanting to try and write for wilbur like you do!! though I'm new to writing, could you give me some tips on when you're new to writing? :DD

hi!!!! im so sorry it took me so long to answer this i was trying to gather up as many tips as i could ^_^ im sooo honored that youre asking for my help it makes me so happy!! here's a ton that ive learned just based off my experience, im no like professional and this is all just tips ive accumulated to my style over time 

–one, and i think this is the most crucial in a fanfic setting, but CAPTIVATE YOUR READERS!!! 

when i write, i try to replicate books as best as i can (more on that later), but this is the one thing that a book author could get away with that a fanfic writer cant. 

because your piece is only something that people will find through scrolling and its (more than likely) not a fully fledged book, people are more inclined to click off if you dont IMMEDIATELY captivate them. 

i often see people begin a fic with a couple paragraphs of context (and again this is absolutely no hate to anyone who does this, its just what ive found to work best) which can be interesting if done right, but chances are that readers wont enjoy it if you hand everything to them on a silver platter. they stay engaged when you keep them guessing or predicting. 

and i get thats difficult to do with just a tiny little blurb!! but when i write- no matter if its 100 words or 10k words, i ALWAYS start off with dialogue. quotation marks are the first thing that people are drawn to and i find it catches people's attention more when there's immediate action. 

the exception i have is with the gr!wilbur fic; i tried to set the scene a little bit without giving too much information, and then i started it with one of my favorite starters:

"he stomped away from her on the rooftop as she followed after him."

i remember researching "how to start a book" cuz i was so unmotivated with a blank space, and then i found a video that talked about a book (i cant find the video nor the book) that began with an intro along the lines of this. 

it seems so simple but it does so much. it introduces the main characters (gr!wilbur and angel), shows the setting (rooftop), and sets up a conflict that can keep readers engaged (why is he stomping away from her? why is she following?)

it was such an actually life changing thing to find and its just so creative. 

–two, make sure that youre making it clear whos talking!!

this is a bit more difficult if youre someone like me who doesnt like the you/your or even the i pronouns in fics (idk it just seems too personal to me, i like to think of the reader as a character in itself), but it is still equally as important to establish whose speaking in the text. 

THIS ALSO INCLUDES MAKING A NEW PARAGRAPH FOR NEW PIECES OF DIALOGUE!!!!! 

look at the difference between;

"hey- i didn't expect a hello from you, but a thank you would at least be nice!" she yelled as he speed-walked away with his grumpy walk and stone shoulders. "i'm talking to you!"

"and i'm not," he grumbled, fiddling to put his hood back onto his head as a way of closing himself off. 

"just-" she flapped her wings, trying to be alongside him. "just have some gummy worms, please?" 

and 

"hey- i didn't expect a hello from you, but a thank you would at least be nice!" she yelled as he speed-walked away with his grumpy walk and stone shoulders. "i'm talking to you!" "and i'm not," he grumbled, fiddling to put his hood back onto his head as a way of closing himself off. "just-" she flapped her wings, trying to be alongside him. "just have some gummy worms, please?" 

its the same words and the same text and the same dialogue but the second is just SO compressed and confusing to read "especially if you have a character talk like this" "and then another piece of dialogue with nothing in between" 

another thing i like to do to establish this is have alternating dialogue. this was difficult to do since gr wilbur isnt exactly the talkative type, but i wouldnt make angel speak in one paragraph, and then the next speak again. if that makes sense. 

like this;

"i want you to have them right now," she enunciated her words, crossing her arms and trying to copy his expression. she was fighting her usual bright smile under her pursed lips. "in front of me." 

"you look like you haven't been taking care of yourself," as she spoke through a pout, he could feel his face warming up, like tiny little punching bags beneath his skin. "i wanna make sure you're eating." 

its reallyyyy obvious that when there's a conversation, its two people speaking. and from just a reader's standpoint, i began to read the second pragraph as if it was wilbur speaking. which of course didn't make sense. 

so even if character 2 (wilbur in this case) doesnt speak, i try to add either a description (what are they doing? even if character 2 isnt responding, how are they reacting to character 1? whats their body language? facial language?) or a small tinyyyy bit of dialogue. 

–three, sometimes less is more!!! 

a lot of the times when i try to paint a picture, i end up over explaining things and the meaning of the words get lost when i use too many of them. 

you could have the most profound description thatll make readers wanna tug their hearts out, but if its too overused then it kinda loses its meaning. its like the dynamics of a song in the sense that the loud parts are only loud because there are super soft parts. 

heres an example i have from one of my older fics;

"Your teeth bit on the inside of your cheek as you sat down, more closer to the stage this time. Your knee rose and fell quickly as your leg bounced with nerve."

it may not seem like a lot, but chances are that people already understood the fact that the reader was nervous, so showing that she bit her lip AND was bouncing her leg was just counterintuitive. 

there are so many more examples of me doing this in the past but umm i dont wanna unearth those anymore

dont get me wrong; you should still add descriptors, but just dont overdo it. and sometimes i see people who have the opposite, in the sense that they dont have enough descriptors and its equally as confusing. so find a happy medium!! 

example of not enough;

"hi wilbur!" she spoke. 

"hi, angel," he responded. 

"how are you?" she smiled with a giggle. 

he sighed happily at her laughter. "i'm good."

im so guilty of this honestly and im so rusty cuz a huge factor of it is practice!!! 

–four, this kind of links to the last one, but Little Details. 

this might just be a personal preference, but i love little details When theyre done right!! 

one of my favorite people who does this is the infamous writer . u know her . u love her. @harbingerofheartbreak my very good friend 

i first noticed this in her fic, "archangel," soot;

"i know he's a prick. do you think i want him to teleport to me everytime i have a fucking mental breakdown?" you slammed the sponge down and turned to him, pointing a soapy finger.

reading the words "soapy finger" like actually changed my life in a way i didnt know was possible. just the adding of small details that arent just "she shrugged" or "he sighed", but instead adding to the setting and scene and adding special little details Without Overdoing It!!!

it just . ugh . i dont know if its just a writer noticing these small things, but i find it really cool how it adds so much and makes you really feel like the author put work into making those tiny little things. 

also another huge personal preference but i really love alliteration and play on words type stuff. i will always sneak in a little alliteration just to keep my work interesting with a certain flow to it. also (if your reader is anyone like me), putting a little alliteration adds emphasis and attention to certain things. 

its really really nice, but the accumulation of all these little details takes SO much attention and so much practice, so dont be frustrated if its difficult to think of on your first couple tries!! 

–five, dialogue!! 

i spoke about trying to replicate books as best as i can, and dialogue is one of the most important things in that sense. i often see fics who show expression through dialogue, and i used to do it too, but it just looks generally unprofessional (imo!!)

for example;

"WILBUR!!" she screamed. "WILBUR GIVE IT BACK!!!- I'LL KILL YOUUU!!"

wilbur laughed. "i-i dont... know what y-you're talking about..-! haha..."

"wilbur!" she yelped, suffocated through her laughter. her lungs betrayed her as she playfully slapped him. "wilbur give it back- ill kill you!" 

wilbur frantically looked around, his hands behind his back and his eyes wandering. "i dont- i dont know what youre talking about." he spoke, in a sing-song tone.

kinda an exaggeration but ive seen so many fics write dialogue like the first one and idk if its another personal preference, but it just doesnt seem really professional. and usually when you put all the emotion into dialogue like that, it takes away from the emotion you could incorporate into a character's actions or body language or even their thoughts. 

i try to avoid writing dialogue in all caps or with too much punctuation or stuttering, because again, less is more. but also dont do too little;

“see wilbur it wasn’t so difficult was it?” she giggled, and the noise stabbed wilbur a thousand times in the stomach.

“actually it was,” he bit the inside of his cheek, rocking back and forth on his heels with nervousness. “my bed is a literal stone i wish it were made out of feathers."

“see, wilbur? it wasn’t so difficult, was it?” she giggled, and the noise stabbed wilbur a thousand times in the stomach.

“actually, it was,” he bit the inside of his cheek, rocking back and forth on his heels with nervousness. “my bed is a literal stone. i wish it were made out of feathers."

it may seem minuscule, but things like this can ruin the flow of your work. what keeps me engaged as a reader is the plot or the writing style or the characters, not the fact that i have to slow down to remind myself whos talking or where they were supposed to pause when they spoke. that kinda stuff just unmotivates me to read it, if that makes sense. 

–six, FORESHADOWING AND CONNECTING

one of the most powerful things ever is foreshadowing and as above so below has a TON of it. idk if i can share examples cuz a lot of it is foreshadowing for the sequel, but i like to picture foreshadowing as a sort of inside joke. its special cuz it feels like a little secret between you and the author that only you know. it also shows that you have a coherent plan and youre not just writing on the fly. its professional and its personal. 

another huge thing is connecting. wrap the story up the same way you began it or make small nods to it as you go. 

in the beginning;

she had a lot of questions about wilbur. 

not the type of, "what's your favorite color?" or "what's your favorite band?" questions. more like, "on a scale of one to ten, how much does being a murderer really affect your mood?" 

all of these questions would go unanswered. including "what's your favorite band?" no matter what, she just could not crack the code of wilbur soot. 

to say he was intricate would be an understatement, and her ongoing curiosity would surely be the death of her. 

unless he had something to do about it. 

at a turning point;

“so, what’s your favorite color?” she asked in a light tone, licking at her ice cream.

a wave of dismay washed over his face. he couldn’t think. “t-teal?”

“really? i wouldn’t have guessed that,” she swung her legs beneath the bench, clearly unbothered by wilbur’s confusion. “you don’t really dress like a teal-lover. do you think the moon is real?" 

what? 

"no, bad question. hmm. what’s your favorite band?”

his heart fell into the pit of his stomach, thorns poking at his sides creating a terrible sting on his abdomen. he opened his mouth to speak- maybe cry and release his feelings; but nothing came up. not even an answer to her stupid question. it was nauseating. 

she began talking about the sort of music she liked, but none of it struck his brain. he felt sick. he wanted to scream and sob and punch something. but he sat still like he was posing for a renaissance painting.

at the end;

she still had a lot of questions for wilbur. 

not the type of, "what's your favorite color?" or "what's your favorite band?" questions. more like, "wilbur? hello? please help- this hurts- are you still there?" 

and she was starting to lose hope in the fact that those questions might be answered. 

one things for sure; her curiosity will be the death of her. 

unless he's got the courage to do something about it

even just the slight nod to the beginning gives your readers a reminder of everything, and drawing back to your beginning is like wrapping everythint up with a nice little bow ^_^

–seven, characterization and descriptors 

this could also connect to one of the previous tips, but Stop Describing Characters So Much when theyre introduced!! 

if you're introducing a character, dont give an entire paragraph to describing their height, eye color, hair color, clothes, etc. its boring and doesn't engage people and it messes up the flow. 

dont get me wrong, you can mention those things in quick passing so that your reader isnt confused (ie "his brown hair stood up, still clinging to the static electricity from his hat." or "her white dress went along with the patterns of the wind") but having just one big long paragraph like;

"wilbur was tall. very tall compared to everyone else. he had brown eyes and bushy eyebrows that carried his emotions. he wore a gray hood that sometimes covered his face. he wore a bag that slung across his torso. his brown hair was usually uncombed and messy. he had bags under his eyes."

its just generallt not interesting enough!! tell me about his body language; whats his posture look like? does he hold his head up high with confidence? is he slouched over in careless sadness? 

AND ALWAYSSSS OVEREXAGGERATE INTRODUCTIONS I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGHHH 

pick a signature trait for your character and make it THE most noticeable thing when theyre first introduced. 

angel is naive and optimistic? shes gonna sound stuck up and unrealistic to such an extent that its almost annoying. 

wilbur is grumpy? the first thing hes gonna do is be super duper mean and hurt everyones feelings 

quackitys a jokester? first thing he does is tell wilbur to literally take his shirt off 

there's such a power in establishing a character into a certain category and playing with that. think about their characterization; is this category gonna change? will it change positively or negatively? will it change quickly? what makes it change? why? theres SO much to he said about character arcs in itself. 

another huge thing about characterization is just being realistic. it doesnt really apply to au fics like gr!wilbur, but if youre writing a blurb about wilbur at a concert- im so sorry but there is barely a chance that hes gonna go up to one of his Fans and instantly fall in love with them. 

and everyone has a preference of course!! if thats your kind of jam, go ahead im not judging. but as a personal preference, i don't really enjoy it when the characters dont seem realistic or wilbur's dialogue is definitely not something that he would say. 

but again, at the end of the day, everyone has their preferences and by all means tweak your writing to YOUR standards!! write whatever makes you happy!! dont let some writer named zone let you dictate how to write and what you should or shouldnt write. it should all be with your own preference (and also respecting other peoples boundaries ofc) 

one of the biggest mistakes ive made as a writer was robotically writing, or in other words only writing so that i could Produce something and get a couple notes on tumblr and thats it. doing that is what made me fall out of love and with writing. 

aasb was the first fic i finished on my own accord, and of course i had friends like flore and carrie to push me on to continue, but i wrote it because it was an idea i loved. not because i wanted to post it for the people of tumblr. thats one of the beautiful things that flore taught me, whether it was unintentional or not, but its helped me so much. 

and a ton of these tips takes Time and Practice as everything unfortunately does. ive certainly improved my writing game since like 4 years ago from both reading and writing to pick up certain little traits that ive loved from other peoples works and incorporated it into my own style. 

i think the person whose had the most influence on my writing is. in fact. florence harbingerofheartbreak. and im not even saying that cuz shes my friend im genuinely so amazed by her work and her stuff is severely underrated 

and also this is only a fragment of tips, there are a plethora of actual professionals that could give out their tips but again at the end of the day its all what You Do. 

and by all means id loooove to read any of your works (not just this anon, any of your guys' works) so please please please dont be afraid to send em to me!! i hope these tips help ^_^