#the worst of it is that i do know i have good things to offer. it’s just not worth all the bad
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highvern · 3 days ago
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Beggin' On My Knees
Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x f!reader
Genre: fluff, smut, hint of angst, established relationship, biker! hoshi
warnings: pregnancy, impreg/breeding kink, fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), nipple play, unprotected sex, praise kink, body worship, spitting, praise kink
Length: ~8k
Note: inspired by the Please, Please, Please MV. this was originally an idea for taehyung but alas my top freak took over again. something about biker/mechanic hoshi really is beautiful thank u @tomodachiii @haologram and @gyuswhore for keeping me sane
summary: After another run in with the law, you come to terms with the fact your friends might be right about your fiancé.
m.list
This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.
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Even at your age, it’s somehow more embarrassing to buy pregnancy tests than condoms. You wouldn’t know since you’ve never bought condoms. That particular responsibility falls exclusively on your fiance after the few times in college when you snagged handfuls from the bucket inside the campus clinic.
You’ve bought a pregnancy test before. Not for yourself but for friends too embarrassed to walk into the pharmacy and publicly declare how active their sex lives were. Now you understand why they wanted someone else to do it. Why are there twenty different brands? Why do they require some high school employee to unlock the case so you can pick the one you want? Why are they so damn expensive? The anxiety you feel rivals the first time you bought weed sophomore year of college from some sleazy frat boy.
You’ve got the box resting on the bathroom counter, a timer on your phone, and the test just out of sight while you pace back and forth in the small space. The door is shut for no other reason than to isolate away from Soonyoung in the event he gets off work early.
You should call Soonyoung. He’d want to know, fight the urge to say something stupid like “I’ll try harder next time” when the tests come back negative and instead offer to pee on one in solidarity if only to lighten the mood.
You never understood when people say a woman just knows until right now because with each passing second the reality that those tests are going to be positive sink in. Despite the fact you and Soonyoung almost always use a condom and the times without them end with him coming anywhere not inside you. You just know it.
Each second ticks down like a bomb waiting to detonate.
Positive. Positive. Positive.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Your stomach twists.  Surprisingly, you don’t dread it as much as you would have a year ago. But a million things a baby entails rush over you. Cleaning out the spare room upstairs, doctors appointments, daycare, clothes, school. Do you even know how to actually take care of a kid? One that belongs to you, who you can’t give back to their person when they get fussy or hurt.
Soonyoung was born to be a dad. He never hid how badly he wanted a family of his own, a family with you. He’s good with kids too. You’ve seen him with his nieces and nephews, your friends’ kids. The middle schoolers in your neighborhood come to him with broken bikes and scooters to be fixed, knock on your front door to ask if he can help them get their ball down from some tree. Even if he doesn't know what he’s doing he’d be there by your side.
As the initial shock washes away, the knots in your chest slowly unfurl. You can do this. Even though you planned your life down to the last detail, Soonyoung has a way of sweeping you into his tide. Engagement, marriage, house, babies. In that order. You’ve already got the house before he asked you to marry him and your wedding is only a month away. 
After the worst of the panic settles into restless jitters, you leave the solitude of the bathroom. Soonyoung still isn’t home from work yet but it isn’t unusual. He’s been pulling more hours, shouldering more responsibilities since Mr. Lee, the owner, hinted at a promotion. Glancing at the clock, you guess he’ll walk through the door in two hours which gives you plenty of time to put together something to surprise him.
After a long shower, you burn time by cleaning up non-existent messes; you can’t sit still. The ‘surprise’ ends up being lackluster. Your weekly grocery shopping trip is tomorrow so the fridge is slim pickings for dinner and you make the executive decision to go out once Soonyoung is home. Some fancy restaurant neither of you can afford with tiny dishes designed to leave you hungry and stopping at the diner at the edge of town for a burger. 
While the noise from the TV hums in the background, you scroll through internet searches on what to do when expecting. Doctors appointments, blood tests, advice on budgeting. It’s information overload but you’re giddy even with the stress.. Then you see it. A screenshot from one of your friends. No words, just a photo. 
“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
The longer you stare the quicker the realization becomes a reality. Soonyoung, your Soonyoung, the Soonyoung you’ve been waiting to get home, the reason for three positive pregnancy tests still on the bathroom counter, stares back. Or his mugshot does. A proud stain on the town jail’s website for everyone to see.
Storming out of the house, you notice Jeonghan’s car is gone from his own driveway. Hopefully he’s given your fiance an earful at the station already. If not, you’ve got plenty to say.
Whatever giddy happiness possessed you earlier is long gone, rotten disgust taking its place. How stupid do you look waiting for him at home while he’s gone and gotten himself locked up?
That stupid bike.
It isn’t the first time. That was the initial appeal back when you were a doe eyed freshman, finally out from under your parents thumb with more freedom than you knew how to handle. Soonyoung was the stereotypical bad boy with a taste for fast cars, working in a garage to your good girl persona who set the curve in all her classes. A few drinks at a run down dive bar landed you on his bike in some back alley, a hand under your skirt while he whispered the nastiest things you’ve ever heard. Then you returned the favor back at his apartment, riding him with enough vigor the headboard slapping against the wall sent his neighbors into a fit.
Then came the routine of Soonyoung picking you up from your dorms late at night, staying out until sunrise doing who knows what. He showed you off at street races, called you his girl in front of friends, and would take you out to the lake after winning a race and make you feel like a winner too. 
It was fun. 
Until the calls he’d been out street racing again wore down your patience as your friends’ giddy curiosity turned to embarrassment and ‘I told you so’s. It wasn’t enough to break your heart, but it tore your ego to shreds. They called him a loser and you defended him time and time again because you loved him. Because he promised it wouldn’t happen again.
He promised the last time was the last time. The time before that was also the last time and the time before and so on. 
The parking lot of the police station is nearly empty this time of day; a few police cars and a handful of other vehicles. Otherwise, it sits deserted. 
Jeognhan is waiting for you at the front desk, pretending to type away at something on the computer but you know better. You’ve done this song and dance too many times. 
“What the fuck did he do this time?” 
He quirks an eyebrow, sliding a clipboard with the usual paperwork your way as he speaks. “What do you think?” 
You nearly rip through the paper from pressing the pen so hard as you sign. “You’re fucking kidding me.” 
“Ma’am, language,” a young officer warns.
You’ve never seen him before and the stern look on his face pisses you off even more. His eyes widen in what must be fear because he scrambles back to the filing cabinet at the back of the room without speaking. “I didn’t know you had a new bitch, Han.” 
Jeonghan takes his clipboard back before you can whack him with it. “Nope, that's still your fiancé. Chan, go get Soonyoung from the box.” 
“Tell him I’ve got a hammer in the car for his balls,” you call. 
“Please refrain from making threats inside the police station.”
Soonyoung has the sense to look afraid when he rounds the corner. He’s still in his work clothes, oil stained shirt and dirty coveralls, hair matted to his forehead. You can only imagine what he sees. Last time you picked up he’d still been drunk from a bar fight and you made him sleep on the porch with Jeonghan’s engine as an alarm clock. You’d been too tired to make threats, half asleep the entire time. This time, you feel on the verge of crying, throwing up, and exploding into a fiery rage.
You don’t wait for him while Jeonghan hands over the bag of Soonyoung’s belongings. Halfway to the car, he races to catch up without a word and goes as far as rushing ahead to open the driver's door for you. There’s a fraction of a second you contemplate speeding off before he can get into the passenger seat, let him walk home in the dark as punishment for being a dumbass. But you don’t. You want to yell at him for being a dumbass until your throat bleeds.
The car smells like motor oil and sweat with him so close in the passenger seat. You gag at the stench, rolling all the windows down to avoid vomiting. The last thing you want right now is to need him.
Under usual circumstances the silence hanging heavy in the air would be comfortable, familiar and warm with the golden hue of the sunset and the sound of cicadas not far off. The world holds its breath, but you don’t.
“Do you know how embarrassing it is to find out you got arrested from someone sending me your mugshot?” you ask at the first red light. Soonyoung tries to answer but you cut him off. “No, you don’t. Because I’d never put you in that position.”
He grumbles out the window. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re better than me.”
“You think I’m pissed because I think I’m better than you? I’m pissed because you act like a fucking loser. I’m pissed because you’re a liar! You promised me you wouldn’t do this dumb shit anymore. YOU PROMISED ME. And I look like an idiot because I’m stupid enough to trust you.”
You wait for an excuse. Some honeyed platitude about how much he loves you and it being a mistake and how it’ll never happen again but Soonyoung offers nothing. 
“What do you want me to say?” he asks.
You scoff. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t.”
“Clearly!” you shriek, the vein in your neck throbbing. “Do you know how it feels to have my friends send me your mugshot? I’m at home tearing my hair out and you’re street racing some kid for kicks.”
“He wasn’t a kid—” 
“I don’t give a fuck!” The edges of your vision scorch red, teeth gnashing. You’ve never been this angry with him. You’ve never been this angry, period. “Grow up!”
He’s lucky Jeonghan caught him and not one of the other officers hell bent on cleaning up the streets. He’s lucky you didn’t have to front bail money neither of you have, especially now. Instead of spending the weekend in jail, Soonyoung’s punishment is fixing whatever Jeonghan sends his way for the next month free of charge but it’s not enough, not even close.
The kill shot bubbles on the tip of your tongue but that last bit of self control keeps it under lock and key. This isn’t how you thought you’d tell him, nowhere close to the way the evening happened in your head before you saw that picture. You wanted to surprise him. Watch the way the news sunk in slowly then all at once. You remember the test you left on the kitchen counter for him to find when he got home before everything went to shit. The ember of rage flairs back to life.
“You wanna race so bad, go fetch!” You don’t think as you rip the keys to that cursed bike from his hands and chuck them out the window into the grassy median, gone in a flash. It’s only a temporary solution but it feels good. It’s the next best thing to taking a bat to his bike until there’s nothing salvageable.
Soonyoung sputters. “Are you crazy?” 
Maybe. You’re absolutely toeing the line of unhinged. The car skids to a stop, tires burning against the asphalt. Thankfully the road is clear of any traffic.
“Get out,” you demand.
“What?”
“Get out. Get out, get out, get out!” You repeat the words over and over until he does what you tell him to. You feel the suffocating tightness in your chest signaling tears are seconds away. 
“Baby, let's talk about this,” Soonyoung begs. He tries to reach through the window, he knows your weak spots too well. You snatch your hand away before he can take advantage.
“You can have this back!” You launch the diamond band right at his chest before taking off.
You get back home on autopilot. There are red lights and stop signs and other traffic laws you can’t remember if you followed but you’re in the driveway and barreling up the porch with shaky breaths. Guilt doesn’t cross your mind for a second. Soonyoung didn’t feel guilty for racing like a dumbass until he got caught, so why should you feel guilty for letting him deal with the consequences? 
The urge to do something mean, not just mean but hurtful with the intent of seeing Soonyoung sick to his stomach, rears its head. If that’s what you wanted then mission accomplished. He saved for a year to buy that ring and you threw it in his face like it was nothing but cheap plastic. The ire from earlier rushes out of you like a deflating balloon. Your fingers itch for a cigarette but unlike your now ex fiance, you have to cut out all your vices. There’s no relief in pacing back and forth. There won’t be any solace inside the house either. You’re so tired. All the highs and lows of the day have drained you of everything. You don’t want to be mad or sad or anything anymore. You just want to go to bed and sleep off the entire day. 
You want to leave but you don’t. You want to yell some more but Soonyoung will be at least another hour. There’s nothing to anxiously clean while waiting so you water the crispy plants on the porch while you wait.
Jeonghan’s cruiser pulls into his driveway across the street thirty minutes later. Still no sign of Soonyoung, not a missed call or text. You think to worry but he gets out of Jeonghan’s passenger seat and trudges your way.
He looks angry and tired. But your swollen eyes and splotchy face melts the furrow in his brows.
“I’m—”
You silence him with a blast from the water hose. Soonyoung takes his punishment like a man, standing completely still while you douse him from head to toe. 
“I deserve that. Please, just listen to me—” He’s silent with another stream aimed at his chest. You feel some validation seeing him embody the way you feel: pathetic. 
“Will you put the hose down so we can talk about this?”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” you huff, dropping the hose for him to clean up.
“Then I’ll talk and you listen.”
“No.” You head towards the door with no intention of letting Soonyoung inside. “Go sleep at Jeonghan’s, I don’t wanna be around you right now.”
“He already told me no.”
Jeonghan would take mercy on Soonyoung in this state; soaked to the bone with your engagement ring in his pocket.
You turn to face him. “I want you to get rid of your bike.”
Soonyoung stays at the foot of the stairs leading up the porch. He knows how you feel and he has the sense to look ashamed.
“You want me to sell Tammy?” he asks.
“I want Tammy to fall off a cliff into the abyss but that’s obviously not going to happen,” you seethe, blinking away more frustrated tears.
“I have a lot of good memories with Tammy.”
“What? The first time you got arrested? Or the time you fell off and broke your arm? Oh, I know! When you ended up in a ditch?”
“The time I asked you to be my girlfriend. And the time I won enough money to help put a down payment on the house. When—“
“It’s me or her.”
Does it feel juvenile giving your fiance an ultimatum between you and a godforsaken bike? Absolutely. But you’ve got a kid to think about now and the thought of Soonyoung missing their life because he’s too busy chasing the rush makes you sick.
“It’s you.” Soonyoung says it with finality but you don’t believe him.
“Then prove it.”
“I’ll do anything.”
“Sell it. First thing tomorrow morning.”
He laughs bitterly. “I’m not selling my bike.”
“Then I’ll be sure to tell your kid their dad is a fucking loser.” 
He blinks like the words don’t fully set in but your back is already to him by the time they do. Locked inside the house, you lean back against the door. You don’t want him to hear the crack of breath in your throat breaking into hot, wet tears. 
“What do you mean my kid?” Soonyoung’s panicked voice comes through the door. “YN! Open the door!”
“Go away.”
His whispered curses slip through the door while he scrambles for the spare key hidden in the potted plant by the door. If you really wanted him locked out, you would’ve remembered to move it before he got home. Part of you does want him stuck as far away as possible. You don’t want to face him because you know he’ll kiss your tears away and that’s all you want right now. You want him to hold you, promise you everything will be okay.
The lock of the bedroom door clicks into place right as Soonyoung gets the front door open. You hear him downstairs, looking for where you’re hidden. You can plot his course in your head: straight through the living into the kitchen where one of the positive tests waits to greet him on the counter, then he comes racing up the stairs and outside the door.
He twists the doorknob with no success. “YN.”
“Go away,” you sniffle into the pillow. His pillow. You’re on his side of the bed, in one of his old shirts because even if you wish you hated him.  
A dull thud against the door and a sigh signals his departure. You hear him shuffling back downstairs, but the sound of the front door never comes. The fatigue of the day takes over swiftly. Surrounded by the comforting smell of Soonyoung, you fall asleep until the smell of food wafts up through the vents. Not burnt but if Soonyoung is in the kitchen then it’s only a matter of time.
You creep down the stairs, careful to stay quiet so you can sneak back up without getting caught. Soonyoung’s body blocks whatever he’s organizing on the counter but you tell it’s a bribe from the sight of take out bags piled in the trash.
“What’s that?”
“Dinner. Do you want some?”
He’s got an entire pizza with garlic knots and cinnamon twists laid out like a feast. You watch him pretend to be nonchalant but he’s glued to your every move as you approach the counter and shove an entire garlic knot into your mouth, chewing with enough force to warn you haven’t forgiven him yet even though you're close to it. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Then we won’t talk,” he sighs into the base of your skull, fingers edging beneath your shirt for the comforting warmth of skin on skin. 
“Don’t,” you say, but lean back into the warmth of his body despite yourself.
“I’m sorry.”
Sure he is. You know he means it. Soonyoung is always sorry but it doesn’t stop him from being a dumbass. But he’s your dumbass no matter how many fights you have.
He lets you eat, content to hide his face in your shoulder and his fingers warm against the waistband of your sweatpants. You hate crying and you hate crying in front of him – because of him – even more. The heavy silence of the kitchen and the love of your life clinging onto you like his life depends on it brings a fresh prick of tears. Once you start, you can’t stop. The tears keep coming as Soonyong maneuvers your face into his chest. His new, clean shirt turns into your tissue. You fall into him without hesitation.
“Are you really…” he asks quietly, dropping kiss after kiss against your hair while you wring out like a sponge. 
“Do you think I’d lie to make you feel bad?”
“No. I just—fuck. You’re pregnant.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“How do you feel?”
You blow your nose into his neck. “Like I wanna punch my kid’s dad in the nuts.”
“He probably deserves that.”
“He definitely does.”
“And he deserves to sleep outside.”
“Yep,” you nod.
“But you still love him?”
“Of course I do, you big idiot,” you sigh, leaning back to look at him. Mistake. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” His brow presses to yours, face rounded out, soft cheeks that make you want to scream. Brown eyes shine beneath his lashes. Soonyoung knows exactly what he’s doing. 
“I’m still mad at you.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
You don’t but things would be a lot easier if you did.
Soonyoung takes the silence as an admission, and when you don’t object he falls to his knees, pulls your shirt out of the way and presses his face into your stomach. “We should name it Donatello.”
“No.”
“Leonardo.”
“No,” you giggle despite yourself.
“Raphael.”
“You are not naming our baby after a Ninja Turtle.”
“Mojo Jojo Jojo.”
“No.”
“Thanos.”
“Stop!”
“You’re laughing?” Soonyoung gasps, rushing to his feet to pin your squirmy body between him and the counter’s edge. “I’m trying to have a very serious conversation and you’re laughing?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“And you love me.”
You nod, hiding back into his chest where it’s safe. “Yeah, I love you.”
The silence marinates between you. 
“I’ll sell the bike, promise.”
“You’re not the best at keeping promises.”
“This time is different.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want our kid to grow up thinking their dad doesn’t worship the ground their mom walks on. Because I know she’s way too good for me and I’m lucky to have her.”
“I’m not too good for you, I hate when you say that.”
“You called me a loser.”
“I said you acted like a loser and I won’t take that back.” 
He looks away. “That’s fair.”
The icy wall of hurt freezes back up but you’re too tired to drag on the fight any longer. “When I found out my reaction wasn’t ’oh he’s being stupid.’ It was ‘how would I tell our kid their dad missed their birthday because he got himself locked up.’ That’s all I could think about. Explaining to our kid over and over why you’re never there.”
The words rest like a wet blanket over his flame of excitement. He doesn’t want to be that kind of dad; the one who misses their child’s life for something as stupid as street racing. Who leaves you to pick up a broken heart time and time again, two broken hearts.
You’re at arms length, Soonyoung examining you like a puzzle he can’t figure out but wants to try anyway. You hate when he looks at you like that. Like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen and he can’t quite believe you’re real. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”
“Shut up.” You hide the blush staining across your cheeks with another slice of pizza. 
“You are.”
“Well,” you swallow. “I need you to be a good dad. And if you can’t then I’m not afraid to do it by myself.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
“Can I talk to it?”
“If you want to.” You don’t tell him that the thing growing in your womb curiously of him is the size of a pea and doesn’t have a face, let alone ears. You want to hear what his first words as a dad are.
He rucks your shirt up higher until it’s bunched beneath your breast, stomach on full display for him to bury his face into. 
“Hi. I’m your dad,” he starts timidly. You bite back a smile at his earnestness. “I don’t usually make your mom this angry. Usually, she’s pretty happy with me.” His lips brush your stomach with each word, tickling them into your skin. “I hope you take after her. She’s smart, and she’s pretty. God, she’s so pretty. I remember the first time I saw your mom and I knew I wanted to marry her.”
You snort. “You did not.”
“Yes, I did,” he corrects. “We were at this bar. You’re not allowed to go there. Ever. Maybe when you’re thirty or I’m dead. But I remember seeing her when she walked in and I thought ‘that is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and if she talks to me, I’ll throw up.’ I still feel like that sometimes. Even when she’s mad at me. And then when I got the courage to talk to her, I didn’t throw up because your old man is cool.”
Your heart swells too big for your chest. The night you met him wasn’t the stuff of fairytales. You saw him across the bar, all blonde hair and ruby cheeks as he screamed with his friends. He did throw up the first time you talked to him. After an hour of riding him until it hurt, you melted boneless in his lap and he snuck away to the bathroom to toss the used condom. You faked asleep as he emptied his guts into the toilet bowl before crawling back to bed and begging for cuddles. Pure romance.
“So cool,” you tease.
Soonyoung laces your fingers together, nipping at your fingertips in protest. “Your mom is mean to me but it’s okay because I love her. You’ll love her too. I just hope you’ll love me.”
You fight the urge to cry, only a single tear streaking down your cheek before stopping. “They’ll love you.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
“How?”
“Because I love you and I’m very smart. Remember?”
“I did say that, didn't I?”
You hum in agreement, pulling him up your body to nudge his nose along yours. 
“I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.” You let him shower you in gentle touches, his hands smoothing up your sides. Soonyoung traps you between his body and the counter, his lips sweeping over your chin, your jaw, your covered chest. That’s when you feel it. “What are you doing?”
“Apologizing.”
“Feels a lot like your penis to me.”
“That’s a part of the apology,” he whispers, the weight of his cocky heavy against your thigh, harder with each controlled grind. “Can’t believe I knocked you up and I never even came inside of you.”
“I can. You talk about kids so much I bet you manifested this.”
“You want it though, right?”
“Yeah.”
You’re lifted onto the countertop, legs spread around his hips. He’s got one hand wedge between your ass and panties to keep you close. “Do you think I’ll be a good dad?”
Not the conversation you thought would happen while you’re tugging his shirt off and working at the tie in his pajamas pants but you humor him.
“I think you’ll be a great dad.” You kiss him gently. His lips, his nose, his cheeks that round in your favorite smile. “If you stop getting arrested. How are you gonna ground Michaelangelo if you keep getting in trouble too?”
“She’s gonna be too smart for that. Just like her mom.”
“Oh, it’s a she now?”
“I’ve got a feeling.” He nips at your throat, a sweet flick of his tongue to soothe the sting. “Back to me coming inside you.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Gonna take it all for me?”
Your chin tips back to provide more skin for Soonyoung to mark up. “Want it.”
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he heaves. You’re trapped between a hand against the crotch of your panties and one pawing at your ass like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.
“Take your pants off.”
An amused breath warms your throat. “Someone’s bossy”
“Yeah, and I’m telling you to take your pants off.”
“Yes, ma’am.” 
Shirt gone, sweats pooled around his ankles, Soonyoung stands in nothing but a pair of tenting briefs and the thin chain you gifted him a week after he placed that band on your ring finger.
“Wow, who knew you'd be such a DILF.”
His cheeks tinged pink from the complement. “I’ve been a dad for five minutes and you’re already trying to hit on me.”
“We’re engaged, doofus.”
“Speaking of.” He snatches his pants off the floor, digging through the pockets until a familiar ring appears. “Don’t take this off again.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
He catches your chin between his fingers, pining you in his gaze. “I don’t care how angry you are with me. When I asked you to marry me, I meant forever.”
You can count on one hand the number of times he’s used that tone of voice with you. Soonyoung doesn't get angry often; at least, not with you. The last time he talked to you like this was when you wandered on the wrong side of town late at night, alone and drunk without a way home. You were pissed about a grade and wanted to do something reckless like every other kid at your university got to. Luckily, Soonyoung found you before trouble could. He used the same tone to chastise you for an hour about how stupid you’d been. 
But he isn’t just mad at your antics. He’s scared too. You look at him — really look at him for the first time since this morning when you kissed him goodbye before work. Red eyes, lip bruised, not from kisses but the way he chews it when he’s anxious.
“I’m sorry.” You pull him back, arms wrapped so tightly around his torso he probably can’t breathe and you both like the certainty of it. The tension in his shoulders softens like candle wax but he doesn’t let go. 
There’s still the matter of damp underwear and his boner. You want him, the gnawing aching way you always want him. Between your legs, stroking your sensitive spots to life over and over again until you beg for mercy he’s too eager to deny.
You nose against his cheek, adoring kiss after kiss against his skin until mouths meet. Soonyoung slips his tongue between the seam of your lips. You feel it the way down to your toes. On instinct, your hand trickles down his front, wedged tight between your bodies to paw at the fabric. A few dry jerks is all it takes for him to unravel.
“Wait,” Soonyoung gasps, hips rutting into the tight squeeze.
He keens with another tug, neck flushing a pretty shade of pink. The linoleum bites into your knees before you mouth over his underwear for a taste of what's to come. You suck the head through his underwear before leaning back to tease him with a kiss.
“Bedroom.”
“Didn’t think I’d see the day you’d refuse a kitchen blowjob,” you snicker.
Soonyoung doesn’t laugh. He pulls you back up into a bruising kiss, biting at your lip until you’re sure it’s bruised. His hand gropes down your ass, fingers tight to your entrance from behind. Whatever he wants like this you’ll agree to.
“Want you on my mouth.”
You’d kneel over his face right here on the kitchen floor if he wanted. But knowing your fiance, his sights are glued to whatever fantasies boil beneath that blond hair of his. 
You race up the stairs, Soonyoung hands heavy on your sides. His thumbs press into the bare curve of your hips. Your clothes fall until just your underwear remains. You want to turn around and mount him on the steps but the second floor landing is close enough you don’t get a chance. 
Soonyoung flicks all the bedroom lights on, eager to see every part of you as you crawl up the bed on all fours in nothing but your underwear. A few years ago you wouldn’t dream of sex with a lamp on let alone the overhead light but years of his utter devotion to your body and wanting to watch you get off like it’s his very own miracle gave you confidence. He looks ready to jump out of his own skin at the doorway. You glance over back and arch your spine a little more, ass higher in the air for his viewing. You might just finger yourself like this to see him suffer. You’ve done it before.
You stretch out, naked chest on display. “Are you coming?”
“Fuck yeah, I am.” Unconsciously, he palms his cock and approaches the side of the bed, pulling you into a kiss with a heavy lick of his tongue.
It doesn’t take much to drag him on top of you, dick hot to your thigh, perfect to rut against. There’s too much Soonyoung to think of anything else. His hands pinning you in place, his breath fanning across your chest as he suckles across the slope of your breast, thighs surging between yours in a dry hump you can’t help but beg for more of. His hips stutter when you do.
He follows the same playbook you did earlier; fingers trailing to the wet patch of your wants, mouth following closely. You’re in for a treat when he’s on his knees like this. He wants to tease you the way you did him but Soonyoung isn’t committed to denying you anything, he wants to rake you over hot coals by giving too much. 
Your hands eagerly hook beneath your knees, legs spread wide before him like a feast..
“Taste so good,” he rasps with a soft suck at your clit. “You’re so hot.”
Even with the barrier of your underwear each lick lights you on fire. Soonyoung moans a lewd melody, lost in his own paradise. Your thighs twitch with each gentle prod at your entrance, folded away by his shoulders so he can touch as much as he wants.
The promise from earlier lights up your brain. You twist a tight grip in his hair, pulling hard enough to detach him from your body. Lips wet, eyes blown, Soonyoung tries to dive back down until another twist of your nails makes him wince.
“Call Jeonghan.”
His mouth may be gone but his fingers circle your clit in the way that makes you whine. “What?”
“Call. Him,” you command. 
You snatch your phone from the end table, forcing it into Soonyoung’s grasp. He still doesn’t understand what you’ve asked.
“Sell him the bike right now.”
“Now?” He looks down at your pussy still on display, underwear soaked in spit and arousal.
You nod. Soonyoung knows better than to argue. He’s back in your good graces but only just, the promise of shipping that infernal bike off to someone else keeping him afloat. 
Your body throbs for release, for his mouth to go back to work instead of whispering into the phone when Jeonghan answers. 
“Two grand? Bullshit! There's at least…” he trails off.
You’re not going to stop just because he’s busy. You grab your breasts, taunt nipples visible between your fingers. Clad in a pair of sticky panties and nothing else, you’ve reduced him into a stuttering mess. Any other night he’d already be smothering himself in the wetness. You can see the urge in his gaze as he swallows loudly.
“Four,” Soonyoung counters. His face twists between wanting to argue with the neighbor, brows furrowed, lips in a heavy pout, and watch in awe as you suck on your own fingers before pinching at your chest again.
You’ve got him distracted with a hand between your legs, pushing your underwear out of the way to flash him exactly what he’s earning. Flushed and wet, the smell of sex hangs in the air.
“Thirty-five,” his voice cracks as you spread your legs wider, pulling his hand right where it belongs.
Soonyoung bats your hands away, fingers twisting through your heat. A gentle prod at your entrance like he hasn’t mastered your pussy enough to make you stupid and strung out with a few touches. There’s no way Jeonghan can’t hear every pleased sigh, the wet noise echoing from your pussy, the annoyance in Soonyoung’s voice as they barter back and forth. 
Soonyoung leans over and spits where his fingers disappear, making you jolt with the force as he does it again. You nearly ask him to spit in your mouth just to see his eyes bulge but the opportunity disappears with the sound of Jeonghan’s cackle through the line.
“Fine, three. I’ll give you the keys tomorrow.” He ends the call, forces your hand out of the way, and eagerly makes up for the minutes lost.
Both of your hands find the soft strands of his hair to hold him in place. Your feet plant on the bed beside his wide shoulders, allowing you to hump his face pathetically only to be welcomed with a grunt. The rip of fabric registers right before what was once your underwear is left stretched across the middle of your thigh. 
“S-shit, don’t stop.”
His fingers spread for his tongue to lick between. You punish him for such a dirty move with a harsh pull of his hair that he loves more than anything. Soonyoung does what he does best: groveling for your forgiveness. You’ll give it to him like always. But you both want him to work for it; it’s better when he does. 
He spreads your legs wider, gives a pleased grunt when you hold him in place and grind into his mouth. 
“Yes, yes, yes,” you chant; vision blurry, body on fire.
Soonyoung moans into the sloppy mess of your pussy, sucking your clit between his lips, wedging another finger between the two already ruining you. 
“Oh god—there.”
Your thighs crush his head but he forces them up and open, pinned in place. The tender glow of the end escalates into a scalding burn as it rips through every muscle. You clench so tight around his fingers he can’t move them more than a tight curl. When you cry at the overstimulation he finally rests.
“Did you just—”
Pins and needles ripple through your muscles and all you can do is nod. Once the initial shock fades, there’s a smug twitch of his lips. He catches your foot and pins it before you can kick him.
“Shut up.”
“Have I told you how much I think about you being pregnant?” he asks, watching your every move.
You shake your head. His fingers keep working in gentle strokes, the wet noises quieter than before but loud in your ears. 
“It’s a lot,” he grunts. “Fuck, you’re gonna be so sexy.”
“I’m not already?” you half laugh, half gasp. The spark of arousal already demands more so you rock your hips down despite the sensitivity.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“But I’m not sexy?”
“Don’t pick an argument with me right now, please,” Soonyoung begs. 
“Why?”
“Because I’m thinking about coming in you until you can’t take anymore.”
“Then I’ll be sexy?” you goad.
“You’ve always been sexy.” He punctuates the compliment with a kiss to your left hip bone. “Beautiful.” Another on your right. “Gorgeous.” One on the plush of your thigh. “I love you.”
He folds you in half, knees to chest like you possess the flexibility to stay there, ankles cuffed in his hand, lips hot on the back of your thigh. 
“We should fuck on the bike one more time,” you tease. 
“You want me to defile the mother of my child on a motorcycle?”
You moan at his words. You want him to come wherever he wants, as many times as he can. Until he can’t anymore. To feel nasty and used however he sees fit. You want him on top of you, behind you, bending you over every surface he can until you’re shaking.
“You’re about to defile me right here. W-what’s the difference?”
Soonyoung curls the fingers inside you tight, eyes glued to the way you heave before answering. He fucks into that spot that makes you his puppet and all you want is to ruin him the same way he ruins you with the slightest touch. “You said I should stop doing things that’ll get me arrested.”
You choke on another tease as he sucks on your clit, tongue coaxing pathetic sighs right out of your lungs. He could do this all night. He’d be happy to. Soonyoung grips you tighter as you squirm away. It’s too much. He knows it and that’s why he loves it so much, knowing he can make you cum hard enough to scream.
“Are the cameras still broken at the garage?”
“Yeah,” he grunts, already knowing exactly what you’re thinking.
“Then you can defile me at your place of business, over the bike. Just like old times.”
“No condoms.”
“How else are you gonna stuff me full of cum?”
Soonyoung groans, pushing your legs wider as his hips rut into the mattress. “Wanna come inside you.”
“Then get up here and do it.”
You’re soaked between the legs, sensitive and swollen. Soonyoung settles into the warm cradle of your thighs easily, pressing his cock into the wet mess of spit and arousal. Your body acts of instinct, hips tilting until he slips between your walls.
“Oh my god.” He laps at the swell of your breast. “‘S okay?”
“Yeah, they don’t hurt yet.”
The sharp edge of his teeth leaves lines across your skin while he sucks at your chest until your spine breaks in half. His fingers keep firm pressure against your clit. Sloppy but enough to keep you pulled taunt. You’ll come a second time if he keeps it up.
“Oh my god,” you echo. 
Soonyoung likes to fuck hard. Hard enough you feel like all your seams are splitting, just shy of shattering your limit. Now’s no different but there's a new edge of caution. Even with his hips flat, inside you until nothing is left to give, he tangles your fingers together and pins them over head in the pillows.
You push your body against his, needy and pliant. Blind want acting as a guide, your ankles lock around his waist. It feels so much better than all the other times he’s fucked you like this; knowing the risk of him coming inside no longer counts and he can do it as many times as you ask. 
The slap of your skin against his fills the room, grunts and pathetic whines passing between mouths with narrowed vision. Nails biting into his shoulders, you flutter tight, trying to pull Soonyoung deeper even if he’s snug to the hilt. Stretched full beyond belief.
“More,” you beg. Frantic. Needy. All those feelings Soonyoung can incite with the barest of touches and a look.
He rises back on his hands, lighting up with each pathetic whimper of his name. “More what?”
If you had the brain power you’d knock the stupid smirk off his face. “Fuck me.”
“I am,” Soonyoung taunts.
“Breed me.”
“Already h-have.” Soonyoung looks like he wants to laugh but he sinks as much weight as he can into his hips, rhythm clumsy but it’s so good you don’t care. “Fuck, such a good girl. Aren’t you?”
You clench around him. He isn’t the most inspired with dirty talk but he knows your buttons, loves to press on your praise kink when you least expect it. 
“Say it.”
“I-I’m,” you stutter from his fingers finding your raw clit. “I’m your good girl.”
“My pretty little wife,” Soonyoung gasps. “Perfect.”
Every bit of praise adds a drop in the bucket, chest tightening until it explodes without permission; shredding through your veins. Your teeth sink into his shoulder. Hard enough to bruise as you cry, “Soonyoung.”
He doesn’t stop for your orgasm, not for a second. You asked him to breed you and it’s his sole purpose until you’re both satisfied. “G-gonna come.”
“Want it, want you to come in me,” you sob.
Soonyoung grabs for your hair, a gentle tug with enough force your eyes open to find his.
“Want it?” he pants, tilting your hips to fuck deeper. You nod with limited room thanks to his grip. “Then take it.”
The sticky heat you’re accustomed to on your skin stains your insides for the first time. There’s no way you can go back. Not after knowing how right it feels to have him fill you. You shiver beneath his weight, nerves twitching from the idea of him doing it again. Immediately.
“Love you, love you, love you…” Soonyoung chants into your skin, lips slipping over your throat with each breathless gasp.
You roll down into the nasty feel of cum and cock, the minor relief not nearly enough. Not with the idea of sucking the combined taste off him rearing its head. But Soonyoung collapses with a point flex of his thighs to stop your motions.
“Holy fuck,” he shudders. “If you let me do that sooner, we’d have ten kids by now.”
You’re flustered at the idea. “Do you think my vagina is a baby rocket launcher?”
“It’s definitely something.”
“How romantic,” you snort. “Give it a few months and I’ll be so hormonal you won’t touch me with a ten foot pole.”
“Is that what you think?” he hums, face still hidden in your neck like he’s too exhausted to move except to lap at the dip in your throat. A subtle grind reminds you of his cock still wedge in your guts, stiff like he didn’t come hard enough to see stars.
It’s hard to think that after so many years together, this is the biggest love rush you’ve ever experienced. The urge to keep him wrapped in your arms for as long as possible brings tears to your eyes. 
Soonyoung pops over your face after the first sniffle, terrified. “Are you crying?”
“No.” You swipe at the tears. “Shut up.”
“Aw, baby,” he coos, failing to hide his amusement.  
“I’m carrying your child, sorry my hormones are all over the place.” You bat his hand away unsuccessfully, leaning your cheek into the comforting warmth of his palm.  “We’re ready for this?”
“I mean, I was planning to knock you up on our honeymoon anyway,” he shrugs, lips soft on your hairline. “Do you have any more of those tests?”
“Why?”
“I wanna see what’d happen if I pee on one.”
“Nothing.” You push him off, rolling onto hands and knees with your ass in the air, face buried in the pillows. “Now, fuck me again.”
Soonyoung pushes the head of his cock through the mess of cum leaking out before sinking back inside with a grunt. “Yes, ma’am.”
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@whrryuu @wonrangwoo @xchaenx @champagnenoona
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ariestrxsh · 11 hours ago
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bsf!chris x bsf!reader
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🤍 content warning: smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex, sexualization of religious imagery
🤍 summary: after a date gone bad, your best friend chris is there to make you feel better with his cock
this fic was inspired/requested by this ask that was sent in forever ago (and it was also inspired/requested by someone who asked for a plot where reader goes to chris for comfort after a bad date but I forgot to save their ask </3)
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angel like u
꒰ა 𓂋 ໒꒱
You buried your face into Chris' chest, tears staining the front of his shirt, but he didn't mind at all. He didn't mind the tear stains, and he didn't mind that you'd interrupted him playing video games on stream. All that he cared about was that you were okay.
He cradled your head with one hand, and with the other, he tenderly rubbed your back. You hadn't even been able to explain to your best friend why you were so upset yet, and he still held you against his chest, smoothing down your hair.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he said in a comforting voice. You pulled away, sniffled, and looked up at him with your big, misty eyes. "It's embarrassing, really," you started off, wiping away a tear with the sleeve of your sweater.
He listened quietly without judgment as you continued on. "I went on a first date with a guy, and I don't usually do this, but we were getting along really well. So I went back to his place, and things got a little heated," you started to tell him, searching for his reaction and hoping he didn't think differently of you.
"What happened?" Chris sharply asked, clenching his jaw and imagining the worst-case scenario. "It's not that it was bad or anything. It's just that he didn't make me.." you started to say, but you turned away, too flustered to finish your sentence.
"He didn't make you.. cum?" Chris speculated. "Exactly," you said, somewhat relieved that Chris had finished your sentence for you.
"He came, and then it was just over. He didn't even try to get me off after or even cuddle with me. I just put my clothes back on, he told me he didn't feel anything for me, and then he suggested that he take me home," you admitted, your lip quivering and your eyes welling with tears again.
"What an asshole," Chris muttered under his breath, wiping away your mascara-stained tears from your cheek with his thumb.
"I didn't want to cry in front of him, and I didn't want to be alone, so I asked him to take me here since it was only a few minutes away. I hope you don't mind that I just showed up unannounced on your doorstep, sobbing at midnight," you apologetically said.
"Of course I don't mind. You know I'm here for you whenever you need it," Chris comforted you. "Thank you, Chris," you replied, pulling him into another hug, tightly gripping the fabric of his shirt as if he'd float away if you let go.
"Boys like that don't deserve angels like you. How are you feeling right now, pretty girl?" Chris wondered, resting his head against yours.
"I know I agreed to it, but I just feel so used, you know? I feel stupid for giving it up on the first date. And listen, I know this is weird, but I still feel kind of.." your voice trailed off as you cracked an embarrassed smile.
"Turned on?" Chris guessed, finishing your thought again.
"Yeah, I mean, it was good up until he stopped. I was so close," you admitted, almost forgetting you were talking to your male best friend instead of your therapist. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry. You didn't need to know that," you buried your head in your hands after your confession.
Chris let out a small chuckle, caressing your back with his fingertips again. "You don't have to be embarrassed to tell me things like that. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, but I could, you know, finish you off if you'd like," Chris offered, his tongue darting out and wetting his lips as his gaze fell to your mouth.
Your eyebrows flew up. "Y-you'd do that?" You asked, seriously considering his proposal. "Yeah. I hate seeing you cry," Chris whispered, wiping away another tear as it fell. "If I could go back in time and make sure the whole situation didn't happen to begin with, I would. Making you feel good is the least I can do."
He tilted your chin up to look at him, searching your face for permission to kiss you. "What do you say? You want me to make you cum?" He sweetly asked, his gaze lingering on yours. "Yes. Pleeease, Chris," you softly begged, the words surprising you as they tumbled from your mouth in such a desperate manner.
He smirked down at you before his eyes fluttered closed, and he leaned in, his lips gently meeting yours. It started off slow - a few soft pecks here and there and a gentle caress of his fingertips along your jawline, sending goosebumps across your warm skin.
Before you knew it, the two of you had been swept up in the moment. His lips passionately engulfed yours, and his velvet-like tongue gently brushed against yours, filling your mouth with the taste of a blue raspberry-flavored piece of candy he'd eaten shortly before.
You softly moaned into his mouth, the vibration tickling his lips and sending blood rushing below his waist. He reached up your shirt, gently pinching your sensitive nipples, feeling them harden under his touch. He pulled your top off over your head and admired the sight of you half-nude on his bed.
His hand wandered to the button of your jeans, and he slipped his long, slender fingers into your waistband. He gasped and pinched his eyebrows together when he felt how wet you were, his face only a few inches from yours as he explored your folds.
You relaxed against his body, a few breathy, textured moans spilling from your lips. "Let's get you out of these," Chris suggested, removing his hand from your waistband and motioning for you to lift your hips, so he could pull your jeans and your panties off of you and have better access to you.
Once you were completely naked, you leaned back on Chris' bed and slowly parted your legs, showing yourself off to him. "Look at that. She's so happy to see me," Chris seductively cooed, sliding his middle finger up and down your slit. You shuddered at the sensation and his words.
Your breath hitched in your throat as your best friend toyed with you, spreading open your labia and admiring how pretty and pink it was. He placed two digits at your entrance and watched them slowly disappear into your drooling hole.
"You weren't kidding. You are turned on," Chris observed, pumping his fingers and slightly curling them. You bit back a moan and grasped at the bedsheets beneath you. "Don't be shy. I wanna hear you," Chris responded with a smile on his face, indicating to you that he didn't care that his brothers were asleep upstairs.
You nodded and released your lower lip from between your teeth. As Chris picked up the pace, another sensual sound tore through you, but you didn't hold back this time. "That's it," Chris purred.
You peered down at the way he pistoned his fingers deep inside of you, your eyes traveling to the silver chain around his wrist and his prominent veins on his arms. With his blue eyes locked on yours, he lowered his head between your thighs and took your clit into his mouth.
You jumped and squealed at the feeling of his soft tongue exploring you, fluttering around on your needy pussy. He closed his lips down around your sensitive bundle of nerves and started gently suckling on it.
"Oh, Chris," his name fell from your lips as your tipped your hand back and started combing through his soft, brown hair with your hand. He worked tirelessly, his mouth and his fingers caressing your sensitive flesh, and he was determined to do so until you were finishing all over his tongue.
"Chris.." you whispered, his name falling from your lips again, but this time in a tone that indicated that you needed something from him. He peered up at you with his perfectly blue eyes and his drunk expression as he drank from your center. "Hmm?" He hummed against your clit, causing you to raise your hips and grind against his face.
"Your tongue feels heavenly, but I need more. Please," you requested. "More?" He asked, pulling away for a moment. You reached down and gently tugged on the collar of his shirt. "I need you to fuck me, Chris," the words tumbled out of you with fervor.
He was towering over you while you laid on your back, staring up at him like he was a god whose cock was going to bring you eternal salvation. He pulled his shirt off over his head, revealing his gorgeous body to you that had become more muscular in these recent months due to how often he'd been working out.
Your eyes danced over his chest, his stomach, and the prominent lines on his lower abdomen that directed your attention to his hard on that was struggling against the grey cotton of his sweatpants.
Before you had time to take in just how flawless he looked shirtless, he was hooking his thumbs in his waistband and tugging down his bottoms. His dick sprung out, and your gaze followed the way it gently bobbed.
"You ready, angel?" Chris asked, positioning himself between your legs. You stared down at his smooth, pink cockhead that was glistening with precum, and you nodded. Your jaw fell slack at the initial stretch as he pushed the tip into your weeping hole. Chris was much thicker than the man you'd been with earlier that night.
"So big.." you whimpered as he pushed it in a little deeper. A smug smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I know, angel," he said in a breathy groan as you fluttered around him. He started to rock his hips back and forth, inserting more of his length with every thrust. You let out a relieved sigh as he found your gspot, and your eyes rolled around in your head.
Chris gazed down at you beneath him, arms outstretched and tightly gripping his soft sheets. You loved the way he looked hovering above you, his flushed cheeks, his desire-filled blue eyes, and his pouty, pink lips parted as the room filled with his moans.
You felt his hand brush against the inside of your thigh as he spread your legs open further. His thumb found your clit, and he started moving it in circles as he drove himself into you over and over again. You let your sounds of pleasure pour from your lips with reckless abandon as Chris skillfully brought you to the edge.
You felt that divine feeling brewing deep within your core as Chris drilled his cock into you at an increasingly harder and faster pace. He could feel you sucking him in, and the way your pussy was throbbing around him. "You wanna cum, don't you, pretty girl?" He purred, looking into your eyes. "Mhmm," you hummed back desperately.
"How many times?" He asked, smiling down at you. His question surprised you. The man you'd gone on the date with couldn't even make you orgasm once, and now Chris was offering multiple? You were nearly too fucked out to answer him, but you regained your composure long enough to tell him, "three."
"Three? Greedy girl," he teased you, still making circles on your clit with his fingers as he rammed his tip into your gspot. "Show me what you've got, angel," Chris whispered, jolting his hips into you in a rhythmic pattern that he loved the way you reacted to.
Before you knew it, he was driving you over the edge, and your muscles tightened around him before you started to shake violently. You practically screamed in pleasure as you came on his cock, clenching around him uncontrollably which made it hard for him to hold on until your second orgasm, never mind your third. You felt the tension leave your body.
You'd been waiting all night for this feeling, and as you were sinking into the pleasure rippling throughout your system, you felt a second wave coming on. The pressure built so quickly this time, but the release was just as incredible as the first, resulting in you curling your toes and tearing at the sheets beneath you.
Chris was holding on for dear life, trying to get you to your third climax before he let himself cum, and with every powerful thrust into your drooling cunt, the harder it became for him to control his orgasm. He was begging to finish inside of you.
However, he maintained his stamina, pistoning into you at the perfect speed and pressure to get you what you asked for without giving in just yet. You trembled as you came onto his length a third time, leaving a thick ring of white at the base of his shaft.
Once you were completely spent, he snapped his hips forward and held them still, a guttural moan passing through his lips while he pumped you full of his heavenly substance. You could feel him release his load into you, his cock pulsating in your hole and leaving you with an incredible post-orgasmic state. He slowly pulled himself out of you, admiring the beautiful mess he'd left behind.
"How was that, angel? How do you feel?" Chris asked, checking in with you and cradling your face in his palm as he ran his thumb across your cheek. You smiled in sheer bliss, your chest still rising and falling as you caught your breath.
"That was divine. Your cock is like heaven," you whispered into his ear. "Well, angels like you are who heaven was made for," he whispered back.
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pegasussomnus · 19 hours ago
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timber is bad for tim's character:
A. There is no real good reason to have him paired with Tim. He only appeared in six issues and none of his interactions with Tim gave us insight into who Tim was as a character or lead to any meaningful developments. The whole 'he represents the War Games era of Tim in terms of uncertainity' or 'his civilian life before losing his dad' that was used by the author, is just untrue as we never see Tim seriously appreciate his friendship like he does with say Ives, or the people at Brentwood as something that keeps him grounded or as a distraction from the hero life/normaly he needs nor do his interactions with Tim show said uncertainty like the struggle of balancing the civilian/hero life that we saw his above friends do. All of his appearances are either comic relief or a springboard/exposition for more important developments such as Tim's relationship with Darla.
There is also how he wasn't a close friend of Tim and more often than not, Tim was shown to not like him too much. At best they were casual friends and none of their interactions went beyond that. The nicest thing Tim said about him is that he "THINKS he's going to END UP LIKING" him not that he actually does so which at best shows Tim is willing to give him a shot.
At worst? Well
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Yeah. The first panel is his first impression of him while the last three are the LAST interactions/mentions Tim has with him and occur after saying he 'thinks he's going to end up liking him'.
It makes no sense why Tim would even want to reconnect with him let alone date him. Tim's opinion of Bernard went from "I guess we can be friends but this guy is sus to "maybe he's not so bad and deserves a shot" to "nah screw this guy". It's telling we keep getting sold a false meta history of them being super close friends and have Bernard essentially replace Ives to try and sell the pairing.
B. Like it really doesn't do anything for Tim at all.
Bernard doesn't help Tim grow as a character, or even as a person relationship wise as Tim is still doing the same faults he did in past relationships with civilians not telling them he is Robin, keeping secrets, cutting dates/missing them, etc). but they are "resolved" by just making Bernard some ultra perfect guy who knows Tim's identity
Aka the resolution he had with Stephanie in terms of the civilian/hero life balance of having someone who knows both, so Tim is getting a balance he already had and not to mention you can't even say Tim progressed in this manner or learned from his mistakes as he never revealed his ID in the first place, so it requires no growth on his end) (never explained how he does, not to mention watering down Tim's competence in keeping his ID) so it's all moot.
Tim also doesn't progress in his civilian life at all. Like he lives on a boat and (it is said that Bernard helped motivate him to do this but never shown/explained at all and all we see is Bernard saying he likes it and the people there)? Like he doesn't even meaningfuly develop a connection with the people there aside from friendly neighbors at best. As an example There was this "subplot" of them being in danger of being evicted but Tim just doesn't care at all or do anything. Like why not use some of his wealth from his dad or something to like buy people's boats and resell them at a cheaper price so the people can stay?
The people on the boat don't even offer him a meaningful civilian connection as like I said he just doesn't connect with them and even then that civilian connection is kind of moot in the last issue when they all know his identity as Robin so that balance or finding a solution is rendered moot for the same reasons as above as he already found that balance with the Batfamily/YJ friends who know both aspects of his life and again he didn't even it reveal it to them.
Like what do they offer him? People to chill in a non-vigilante way? Like he can already do that with the Batfam/YJ and not to mention that as the series showed the Marina got involved in a lot of Robin related stuff because of Tim's ID, so it's also moot.
Another point is how Bernard for a 'relationship for Tim beyond Robin' really is a relationship where the substance largely comes from Robin. Like aside from Robin is how they got together which Bernard even states in issue 3, in the beginning of issue 7 when Bernard list why he likes Tim all the things he likes about him are reflective of his role as Robin. Like his whole trusting Tim to keep him safe, Tim being special, and Tim being his lucky charm, the examples he uses are of Tim saving him as Robin/being Robin.
And issue 7 also shows like I said above that what saves the relationship is Bernard knowing that Tim is Robin. Not to mention how he really only opens up to Tim/confides in him seriously when Tim is Robin as shown in issue 3 and 9. Hell in issue 3 when he talks about wanting to help Tim, knowing that he knows his ID, when he talks about Tim 'taking too much on his own and not asking for help and loosing himself or whatever' we know it's about Robin.
And issue 10 the grand saving moment for their relationship after the 'falling out' in issue 9 was Bernard saving the day in a Robin related mission and getting the ID reveal (but not really)
Issue 7 highlights how Tim really doesn't do anything for Bernard as Tim. Like all he does is tell him that his parents suck, he's great to make him feel better, and tell us a bunch of stuff about Bernard we've never seen before.....twice and given how the issue kept emphasizing this point (to the point where villains commented on it) and how over the top his parents/with Bernards heroic it felt generic and like the bare minimum and Tim felt like an exposition device.
Tim never really talks to him about his issues with his parents or actually substantially helps him as after Tim does the above it immediately cuts back to their relationship for cute moments. Like Bernard giving him the necklace isn't even connected to Tim 'helping' as he was gonna do that anyway.
Tim as a civilain is just the BF and the real substance comes from Robin (as it was a Robin related mission and Tim saving civilians as Bernard which lead/inspired Bernard trying to save his parents and oh look Robin once again is tied to their relationship)
TLDR: Bernard doesn't make sense as a pairing, doesn't do anything for Tim as a character nor fulfill the purpose he was supposedly brought back for
The mental gymnastics people do to hate timber should be studied under a microscope.
The fuck you mean he is bad bisexual rep because he is dating a man… and how does that makes him gay???? Have you ever talked to a bisexual person???
“Oh it makes less of his past relationships” how?? How?!? Is he not allowed to be infatuated with his current partner? Should he continue pining after his past relationships even tho he is dating someone else???
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cosyvelvetorchid · 3 days ago
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@bucktommyfluffebruary Day 8: Surprise
Another of my prompts from last year that fit.
*****
Rated T | 2,430 | tw: homophobic slur
Buck knew that Tommy loved a romcom. He liked lots of genres of movies, and all for different reasons. But romcoms he loved because of the fantasy of them. He’d told Buck once that growing up with a father like his, and then spending the majority of his adult years firmly tucked away in the closet, that he’d wholeheartedly believed that a true love or romance was not in his own future. That living vicariously through two people on screen, even if they were straight, was the closest thing he’d get to a happy ending.
He’d very much changed his mind since he’d met his Evan, but still Buck had been determined to give him all the romantic moments he’d missed out on over his life.
It started with surprising Tommy with a candle lit dinner ready when he came home from work.. Which ended with Buck being bent over the table as dessert. Not quite the emotional response he was going for, but hey who was he to say no to that!
Tommy mentioned once a book he loved as kid and Buck spent three weeks hunting down a first edition. He was certainly blown away by Bucks thoughtfulness and showed him immediately by getting on his knees. Again Buck was happy to oblige—he always was—but it still wasn’t the response he was truly hoping for.
He wanted to sweep Tommy entirely off his feet. Woo him to the point of breathlessness. Make him feel so unbelievably cherished and loved that he forgets out to speak.
And then the idea hit him.
Oddly, while watching Carrie.
“Man, the worst thing that happened at our senior prom was Mikey Jacobs spiking the punch. I still can’t drink Jack Daniels” Buck reminisced.
“Better than pigs blood, babe. Or, you know, the revenge by telekinesis.”
“True. What about you? What was yours like?”
Tommy sighed. “I, uh, didn’t go to mine.”
“Really?” Buck looked at him in surprise. “I mean granted you were secretly gay, but I know the girls would have been killing each other to get the Tommy Kinard to take them to prom.” The idea seemed to bring such joy to his Evans face that Tommy almost didn’t want to admit the reality.
“I appreciate the support, babe, but I wasn’t exactly drowning in dates with girls.” He laughed “I was 6’2” by the time I was 15 but I didn’t know how to build muscle or even eat right for my body’s needs. I went from 5’8” and over weight to 6’2” and skinny, which my dad just loved to point out constantly. I was super insecure and had zero confidence to ask a a girl out.” A look of sadness flickered across his face.
“Did people not go stag at your school?”
Tommy huffed a cold laugh. “Only fags and virgins go stag to a prom, Thomas.” He mimicked his father’s voice. Buck gently rubbed Tommys arm.
“I’m sorry you had to hear shit like that from your dad. You deserved so much better than that.”
“I know that now and mostly because of you.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Bucks lips and smiled.
“Good.” He smiled back, already formulating his next plan to woo the shit out of his boyfriend.
This one took a few weeks of planning but Buck was certain it would knock Tommys socks off.
****
Tommy was surprised that Lucy had suddenly turned up at Harbour on what was supposed to be her day off. Even more surprised when she offered, nay insisted that she take Tommys remaining 24 hours of his 48 hours shift.
In the end their Captain had to practically shove him out of the harbour doors to get him out. He eventually relented and left for home.
Approaching their front door he noticed a note in handwriting so bad it had to be Bucks. God did he love him but the man’s penmanship looked like a doctor’s. A drunk doctor’s. Wearing a plaster cast. Thankfully after almost a year together he’d learned how to decipher Evans scribbles.
“Go straight upstairs.
Shower and get dressed..”
“Huh?”
“Don’t “huh” me, Kinard. Just do it. Then meet me in the dining room.
P.s: love you, Your Evan.”
Tommy chuckled to himself but did as he was asked and walked straight up the stairs to their bedroom. He was surprised, and confused, to see his tux freshly pressed and laid out on their bed.
After showering and dressing he made his way back down found himself knocking on his own dining room door for permission to enter.
“Come in.” Evans voice called from inside.
Tommy opened the door his mouth and eyes opened wide at what he saw.
The table had been pushed to the side wall, with a black cloth draped over the top, atop of which was a punch bowl filled with an orangey pink liquid. Surrounding it was lots of bowls filled with candy and chips and other kids favourite snacks.
A shiny disco ball hung from the ceiling with paper decorations swinging from the Center of the room and up to the corners. Twinkling lights hung all around giving the room a gorgeous warm glow.
And standing in the centre of the dining room, under the disco ball, in a tux that fit him so incredibly perfectly was the most beautiful man Tommy had ever seen.
“What’s.. what’s going on?” Tommy asked not being able to hide his smile.
Evan took a few steps toward him and held out his hand. “Thomas Kinard. Will you go to prom with me?” Every time Tommy thinks he can’t fall in love with Evan any more, he’s proven wrong.
For the next two hours they do nothing but dance like idiots, drink spiked punch (tequila instead of Jack Daniel’s this time - buck would actually like to remember this prom), and snack on junk food.
Tommy couldn’t remember the last time he had let loose like this. Or even smiled this hard. Evan was by far the greatest joy to ever come into his life. He reminded Tommy of what fun was, what joy was and what it felt like to be truly unashamedly himself - something that nobody had ever made him felt safe enough to truly be.
Buck knew he’d achieved his task of sweeping Tommy off his feet tonight already, but there was one more thing he decided, last minute, that he was going to do.
Buck picked up his phone and searched for the perfect song, settling on Songbird by Eva Cassidy because it was on the soundtrack to Tommy’s favourite movie Love, Actually. He didn’t even need to do anything because as soon as the opening bars played through the speaker Tommy instantly knew what it was and pulled Buck into a slow dance.
They swayed slowly and silently for a few moments just breathing in the perfect moment with each other with Tommys arms wrapped around Bucks waist and Bucks arms around his neck.
“So, not that I’m complaining, babe, what with all the romancing lately?” Tommy asked.
“You deserve it.” Was Bucks simply reply. Tommy looked at him with a mixture of adoration with a hint of confusion. “You go out of your way to show me how much you love me and to do all these sweet and romantic things for me, but you deserve them too. You deserve to be shown how much you mean to me also.” Tommy was looking at him with those eyes again - the big bright ones Buck first saw right before he kissed him for the first time - and he had to use every bit of strength to hold back from jumping him, because he needed to say this before his courage disappeared.
“I see how you look at these little moments in the romcoms you love and I hate that you never got to experience them, so I wanted you to have some of them of your own. Our own. Plus, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to tell you just how much I love you. To tell you how unbelievably happy I am that you walked, well, flew into my life. To tell you that I have never in all of my life thought that I deserved to have someone so beautiful and kind and wonderful and just fucking incredible as you. And.. and to ask you to marry me.”
Tommy blinked. Did he hear that correctly?
“Wh-what?”
“I know, it’s- we’ve not even been together a full year yet, and full disclosure I didn’t even know I was going to ask until, like, 10 minutes ago, so I don’t even have a ring, and-“ Tommy grabbed Buck either side of his neck and pressed his lips firmly against his. When Tommy pulled back his cheeks were wet with tears cascading over his beautiful lower lashes. Finally, Buck thought, though he kept that to himself.
“Hold that thought.” He said simply before quickly leaving the room. He took 2 steps at a time as he hurtled upstairs, before running back down seconds later back to Buck still stood in the center of the dining room.
He lifted up his palm on top of which was a dark blue velvet box, opened, with 2 tarnished silver bands of differing sizes, each with a shiny silver strip running around the centre of each of them.
“You bought.. how long have you..” Buck could barely get the words out. His eyes kept flicking between Tommys beautiful face and the rings in his hand.
“About a month. Well, I ordered them custom made about 2 months ago but I’ve had them for a month.”
“Custom?” Was all Buck could get out.
Tommy pointed to the shiny part of the rings. “A couple of years ago I had this rescue and the husband of the woman we were life flighting was telling us about how they met. Anyway, he said that his family had this tradition of putting something sentimental in the band to give to your partner as.. sort of as a piece of you. You know that piece of metal that sits on my desk in the study?”
“Y-yeah. It’s part of the blade from the first chopper you flew when you transferred to harbour.”
“Right. Well, it now has a little chunk missing.” He laughed. “Transferring to the 217 was the first piece of me finally becoming who I always wanted to be. You’re the last piece, Evan.”
Buck had this whole night planned—minus is own spontaneous proposal—and had wanted Tommy to be the feeling pleasantly surprised and loved.. yet here he was himself being loved so fucking beautifully it was taking everything within him to not break apart right there.
“What’s-what’s in your ring?” He asked.
“Well, that was.. a little trickier. And full disclosure on my part— Maddie knows because I had to enlist her help.”
“Okay..”
“It’s difficult to pick something when your boyfriend loves so many things,” he teased “and then Maddie.. she gave me a little silver bracelet that she was given as a kid and-“
Buck inhaled a breath when he realised what bracelet Tommy was referring to. Immediately his whole chin began to quiver and tears filled his eyes.
“The one that Daniel gave to her.”
“Yeah.” Tommy said softly. “She told me how he’d seen it one day when he was with your grandparents when he was 6 or something and insisted he give to her for her birthday.” Buck nodded, not being able to find words. “She said that this would be something that would be special to you because you never got to know him. Is-is that okay?”
Buck looked from the ring back to up Tommy; eyes completely blurred from tears pouring out of him.
“I.. this..” He could always find peace in Tommy eyes but this was all so- it was overwhelming and.. he took a deep breath to try and calm himself.
“Tommy, this whole night was-was supposed to be about you.. a-and showing you just how much to mean to me and then..” he blew out another breath trying to center himself “and then here you are with the most beautiful fucking gesture, I.. I can’t..” The tears flowed once again and this time he threw his arms around Tommys neck and held on tight. Tommy, as he always did, reciprocated and held him tightly back.
“I love you so fucking much.” He cried into Tommys neck. Tommys own tears were flowing too, now.
“God I love you, too, Evan. More than I could ever even show you.”
“I don’t know-“ Buck pulled back with a laugh “I think you hit it out of the ball park with this one.” He gently thumbed Tommys tears from his cheeks. He looked closer at the rings.
“Are there inscriptions?”
“Only on yours.” Tommy replied, sniffing.
“For my Evan. Always.” Buck read out loud. Tommy wiped away Bucks next tears that came. They were the only type of tears he ever wanted to illicit from his Evan.
“I thought you would what to decide what to inscribe on my ring.”
“Can I put it on you now?” Tommy asked.
“Uh, technically I should be putting yours on you because I asked first. Actually, you haven’t actually said yes by the way..”
Tommy reached up an gently fixed a curlon Bucks head and looked at him with those big earnest eyes again.
“Yes.”
Buck took his ring out of the box and slid it onto Tommy finger, then Tommy did the same with Bucks ring.
Buck gripped the lapels of Tommys tux and pulled him into a kiss. They both sighed into it. It wasn’t a kiss that they’d shared before; this one was full of promise, of hope, a future - the rest of their lives as husbands.
Tommy pulled back for a second “By the way, I did promise Maddie that the second we became engaged that we would face time her. Where’s your phone?”
“She can wait a little bit.” Buck replied aiming his lips at Tommys neck.
“You sure? She might be mad.” Buck lifted up and looked Tommy in the eyes.
“Tommy, there’s only one thing I want to do right now and it absolutely does not involve my sister.”
“She can wait a little bit.” Tommy repeated wrapping his arms around his Evans neck and pulling him in for another deep kiss.
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meritksi · 2 days ago
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equally yours • kinich x gn!reader
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With Kinich, everyone gets what they deserve. You can either name your price or accept what Kinich offers in return, and no matter which option you choose, you won't be shortchanged—ever. That’s just how he is.
However, you are an exception. No matter which choice you make, you always end up being shortchanged—at least that’s what he believes.
This annoys him. He tries to make things equal while you insist on giving him more. Sometimes, it makes him wonder if you have ulterior motives. Yet, deep down, he knows that being nice is simply in your nature, just as he has his own tendencies.
But it really, really annoys him.
He dislikes being indebted to others, and he doesn’t like when others owe him either. He might be able to tolerate the latter, but the first thought truly bothers him to the point that he finds himself lying in bed, thinking about how to repay you in the middle of the night as he stares at the ceiling while Ajaw murmurs about how he is going to rule the world when he takes over Kinich's body.
And that -the first thought- always seems to be the case with you.
So when he spotted you sleeping in one of the trees near the Children of Echoes with your saurian companion, as some Saurian hunters approached you two, he acted without thinking—which was out of character for him—and dealt with them in an instant.
Looking back at you, who was still asleep while cuddling with the said companion, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
It seemed like you two were equal now.
That was good. You weren't aware of it so you weren't going to do something about it too. Perfect.
From that day on, Kinich never accepted jobs from you, fearing that if he did, you’d do something so in character of you that would leave him empty-handed again.
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Now it was your turn to feel annoyed.
Whenever you caught a glimpse of Kinich, he vanished at the moment you blinked. Everytime!
He still interacted with Mualani, Kachina, Chasca—anyone, really!—except you, of course.
You thought Kinich and you were getting along just fine. Since he was always taking jobs from you and you were helping him out every time he did that too. He was desperate to repay the kindness, that was the reason behind the upcoming requests of taking jobs from you. But you didn't know that.
This new approach(could it even be called approach if he didn't approach at all?) made you feel lonely. And he didn’t know that, too.
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Kinich felt restless. No matter how much he tried to avoid you, his mind wouldn’t cooperate. He found himself thinking about you more—it was not just at midnight anymore. It reached the point where he would lock his gaze to somewhere far away while his customer talked, trying to rid himself of thoughts of you by repeating, “We are equal now, equal. Equal. Equal.”
He even almost called Mualani by your name. Whenever that memory came to his mind, his ears burned bright red.
He missed your voice.
Wait, what?
Who said that???
Kinich felt himself blush furiously. The worst part? He was in the middle of a conversation with Mauvika, the literal Pyro Archon. He excused himself, and Mauvika gladly let him go.
But Ajaw wasn’t having it.
“Do you have a fever? Please die in silence so I, the great Dragonlord K'uhul Ajaw, can—”
He couldn’t finish his sentence because Kinich put him on a timeout.
He didn’t even know how that happened, but when he came to his senses, he realized he was standing in front of your house.
At that point, he didn't mind owing you; in fact, he felt like he was already indebted to you (especially considering he still felt like you were shortchanged even after the previous encounter, he thought you deserved so much more).
He just wanted to see you.
And maybe, you also wanted to see him too. Given how tight you hugged him when you two finally made up.
He was empty-handed. It felt weird, he doesn't remember coming here like this in what felt like forever.
But now thinking about it, he didn't feel empty-handed at all. Especially when his fingers brushed against yours, intertwining them with such care, he thought he could get used to this.
Through the embrace of you, he felt his eyes soften when he realized there was no such thing as being indebted between the two of you. Whatever you had was his, just as whatever he had was yours.
Because he belonged to you, just as you belonged to him.
Equally.
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𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ notes!
☆ not proofread; it was just a thought that came to my mind while I was trying to sleep, and now it's 3 am lol
☆ i might rewrite this, who knows
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sturniololuvz · 11 hours ago
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could you do one where marylou needs help getting 2-3 year old sister to sleep and matt steps in, getting her tired and then tucking her in all the good stuff lol
yessss!
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“Matt to the Rescue”
Sturniolos x sister
Warnings: none
The Sturniolo house was always a little loud, a little chaotic, and full of love. But tonight? Tonight was just exhausting.
MaryLou let out a tired sigh, rubbing her temples as she paced back and forth outside Y/N’s nursery. At two years old, her youngest was proving to be impossible to put to sleep. Every time she thought Y/N was finally dozing off, the toddler would suddenly sit up, wide awake and ready to play.
She peeked inside the room, where Y/N was sitting in her crib, babbling to herself and tossing her stuffed animals onto the floor. It was already past bedtime, and nothing—lullabies, rocking, stories—was working.
Defeated, she walked down the hall toward the living room, where her three eighteen-year-old sons were sprawled out on the couch, half-watching a random movie.
“Guys,” she sighed, hands on her hips. “One of you has to help me. Y/N will not go to sleep.”
Chris groaned dramatically, throwing his head back. “Mom, just let her stay up. Maybe she’s nocturnal.”
Nick chuckled. “Yeah, or maybe she just thrives on making your life harder.”
MaryLou shot them both a look, but before she could argue, Matt sat up and stretched. “I got it, Mom.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” he said, already getting to his feet. “I’ll get her tired.”
Chris snorted. “Good luck, bro. She’s built different.”
Matt just smirked. “Watch and learn.”
With that, he walked off toward Y/N’s room, rolling his shoulders like he was preparing for battle.
When he opened the door, Y/N perked up immediately.
“Matty!” she squealed, bouncing on the mattress.
Matt leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “You do know it’s bedtime, right?”
Y/N grinned at him like he’d just said the funniest thing in the world. “No!”
He chuckled. “Okay, fair. But what if we made bedtime fun?”
Y/N tilted her head, intrigued. “How?”
Matt stepped into the room and scooped her up, spinning her around. “We gotta tire you out first.”
Y/N let out a delighted giggle as he tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He carried her into the hallway, where Nick and Chris turned to watch the chaos unfold.
“Is this your master plan?” Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yup,” Matt said, plopping Y/N onto the floor. “We’re gonna have a dance party.”
Y/N gasped. “Dance?”
“Yeah, but only for five minutes,” Matt said, squatting down to her level. “Then we gotta go to sleep. Deal?”
Y/N considered this very serious offer before nodding. “Deal!”
Matt pulled out his phone and blasted a song, immediately starting to wiggle his arms in the worst dance moves possible. Y/N erupted into giggles and started mimicking him, her little legs bouncing as she twirled around.
Nick laughed from the couch. “Dude, you look ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, she’s having fun,” Matt shot back, continuing his ridiculous dance routine.
For the next few minutes, Y/N jumped, spun, and clapped to the beat, her giggles filling the house. By the time the song ended, she was worn out, panting and stumbling slightly.
Matt grinned. “Alright, sleepyhead, time for bed.”
Y/N yawned dramatically. “Nooo…”
“Yeahhh,” he teased, scooping her up again. She rested her head against his shoulder, her little arms draped around his neck.
As he carried her back into her room, she mumbled sleepily, “Matty, stay?”
His heart melted.
“Of course, bug,” he whispered, gently laying her in her crib and tucking her in. He grabbed her favorite stuffed bunny and placed it beside her.
She blinked up at him, eyes barely staying open. “Sing?”
Matt chuckled softly. “You really know how to get what you want, huh?”
But he stayed. And he sang.
A soft, quiet melody—nothing fancy, just something to soothe her.
Before he even finished, Y/N’s tiny hand went slack against his arm, her breathing slow and even.
Matt smiled, brushing a stray curl from her forehead before standing up and tiptoeing out of the room.
As he shut the door, he turned to see MaryLou standing there, watching with a warm smile.
“You’re really good with her,” she whispered.
Matt shrugged. “She’s my baby sister. Someone’s gotta keep her in check.”
MaryLou kissed his cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
He smirked. “Told you I had it under control.”
Chris, who had been watching from the couch, scoffed. “Okay, yeah, but at what cost? That was exhausting just to witness.”
Nick grinned. “You are kinda like the baby whisperer, though.”
Matt just smiled to himself as he sat back down. He wouldn’t admit it, but spending time with Y/N like that? It meant everything.
And, if she asked him to do it all over again tomorrow night?
Yeah, he’d do it in a heartbeat.
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darkgifted · 1 year ago
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obsessed with the fact that in most rpgs, the "good" companion endings usually involve you helping them get what they want
whereas in bg3 the good ending for characters usually means steering them away from what they want, because it isn't actually good for them, even at the cost of them never feeling the warmth of the sun again
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spinecurlingmice · 3 months ago
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didn't realize how bad my environment affected my mental state until i left it . ... november has been suspiciously nice to me and I've been having less thoughts abt how little I matter and wow. I've been like having more collective good days than I've had like all year.
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nyaacatboy · 5 months ago
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hey aros/aces of tumblr has anyone else figured out to express the sentiment "I hate it when people complain about being single to me" to allos without them launching into the perfectly valid ways in which they are unhappy with their singleness or conflating "complain about being single" with "talking about dating or being attracted to anyone."
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medicinemane · 10 months ago
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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straitjacketzz · 4 months ago
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Toyhouse is the only place in the world where a person will make a character sales post every single month and then get actually mad at you for reinstating offers on the same character and accuse you of just trying to use them and manipulate them for characters.
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micamone · 7 months ago
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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rosesradio · 1 year ago
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pilmyeol · 2 years ago
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MADE FUN OF MY SIBLING AND THEY MADE A FACE AND I COULD TELL FROM THEIR FACE THAT THEY WANTED TO PUSH ME DOWN THE STAIRS AND AS I WAS OPENING MOUTH TO TELL THEM I LIKED THEIR IM GONNA PUSH YOU THE STAIRS FACE THEY SAID SHUT UP ILL PUSH THE STAIRS
#this was near the stairs but not so near that they couldve just done it. like they could see the stairs but i was not quite ripe for the#pushing so it was extra funny that i could divine their intentions from just their face#im good at that though. i have an intuition for what sorts of silly violence people are planning to enact unto me#once my friend offered me a warhead. like the candy. and i was like oh no thanks :) and he was like are you sure? and i looked at him and#immediately covered my water cup. he was like HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA DO WHAT THE FUCK#and i was like HOLY SHIT YOU WERE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY#and that started a longstanding tradition of putting shit in each others waters. he liked to sneak up on me and get me with a nerf dart bc#he knew hed never manage it if i could see his face. asshole got a napkin in my milkshake in low lighting once though. i could always read#him really well with that kinda thing though like he wasnt that surprised when i stopped on the sidewalk and walked to his other side so he#couldnt shove me into the street bc wed known each other for ages at that point but they warhead thing was like. a couple weeks after we met#ALSO SHOVING ME INTO THE STREET WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DANGEROUS WE WERE IN BUTTFUCK NOWHERE THERE WERE NOT CARS. HE WOULD NOT SHOVE ME INTO#THE STREET TO GET HIT BY CARS. WORST INJURIES I WOULDVE GOTTEN WERE SKINNED KNEES AND THAT WOULDVE BEEN HILARIOUS AND HED NEVER HAVE LIVED#IT DOWN. BUT NO CARS. NO GETTING HIT BY CARS. ALWAYS HAVE TO REMEMBER SHOVING PEOPLE INTO THE STREET GETS THEM HIT BY CARS WHEN I TELL THAT#STORY BC ITS GETS ME INTO THE BUTTFUCK NOWHERE MINDSET WHERE CARS DONT HIT PEOPLE THEY ONLY HIT DEER#what was my point. dont remember. oh well send tweet or whatever#mine
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chase-solidago · 18 days ago
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So you found a dead body in the woods
The worst thing you've worried about, going on hikes, happens. This happens often, in the grand scheme of things. It's always joggers and dogwalkers and hikers. My unlucky day came on October 24, 2022.
So what do you do when you find a dead body?
Look in the other direction and take a breath. Panic wont help you or them.
If you are comfortable, approach them and try to help. If not, it's okay. I was unwilling to approach (they looked real dead) and my 911 operator was 100% totally supportive and okay with that.
Walk a little ways away. There is no reason why you need to keep staring at them. It's okay. Seeing a dead person is really wack!
When you've caught your breath, call 911. My first thought was "Oh god, I don't want to talk to cops." and, good news, it's not cops! 911 responders are different people. They are trained to talk to you, to reassure you, and to help you. They are there for you. They understand you are freaking out. They are kind and patient.
Your new buddy, the 911 person, will help you figure out where you are, exactly. They have access to your location via cell-tower and GPS, but if, like me, you were off-trail (oops), they might need your help navigating to you. I offered to also send a photo, and he provided an email, which he received immediately. I deleted the photo I took right away.
Hang out on the phone with your dispatch friend. They're going to want to keep in touch with you as the paramedics approach. Are you freaking out by chattering too much? Are you freaking out by being dead silent? Both are okay! Apparently, my panic response is to become Super Midwestern Chatty. I was able to make him laugh, which I count as a win.
Holler to the paramedics. My paramedics came deep into the ravine-filled woods, about six men, steering a rolling bed thing. We shouted at each other until they made it to the body. It would have been funny, watching them fumble along, if it wasn't so serious.
Get out of there! The paramedics don't need anything from you. They're busy doing their job. They shooed me back to the trail and to the parking lot. I didn't have to go anywhere near the body.
Meet cops in the parking lot. In my situation, the cops didn't want anything from me. They were just picking their noses in the parking lot while the paramedics did the real work. The cops said thanks for helping, while covering their bodycams, because they're pigs.
Go eat donuts. Christ, that was a lot. Let yourself comedown and get some sugar to kickstart your system.
Feel good that you gave a family closure. Yeah, that sucked. Yeah, your therapist is going to hear about this. Yeah, next time you come to this location, you're going to need a friend with you. But you did the right thing. You'll never know their family, but know that you gave them closure.
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exopelagic · 5 months ago
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why do applications feel like your soul is being lightly roasted at 180C
#I’m applying for. a thing that is very much a once in a lifetime opportunity. and I don’t know if I want to do it.#like I cannot overstate how huge this could actually be#the problem is I don’t know if I actually wanna do it. and I can’t tell if that’s for good or bad reasons#the worst part is I actually have a decent shot. it’s far from certain this is gonna be competitive as hell but I can Do This. theoretically#and on top of that my current boss and HIS boss have connections there that they said they would talk to. I didn’t ask. and I feel like I’m#gonna wither away into a tiny little ball and float off#i know that almost everything is gotten by connections now and I’m only HERE on the fucking poor kids scholarship already that’s why I have#this internship in the first place but oh my god. oh my god.#it’s a three year long thing. that’s so much time. and it’s so much work. it’s work I can do in theory and they’d help me but#god I don’t know how to feel abt this#it’s also a field which I’m definitely interested in but in a way where I’m not sure if I’m That interested yknow. but I think I also am?#I’m terrified that I won’t like it and I realise I don’t want it but get offered it and cannot turn it down bc of how big it is#genuinely the worst part of this is I have a shot. my boss’ boss recommended it to me and she’s fucking insane#I have the draft ideas for what I think is a decent application I just gotta write it but again. it feels like I’m dying.#but I gotta do it by Thursday and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#I’m terrified and I think it’s also something I can’t not put an application in for or I’ll regret it. so I’m going to do it scared.#I’m going to do it sososososo scared. like. literally had to stave off a panic attack at work after talking to my boss abt it today.#I haven’t had one of those in a while#if any of you are reading this and have the space to talk abt this rn pls text me i know I’m allowed but I didn’t wanna bug anyone rn#okay. it’s 10:30. I think I can let myself do this tomorrow. and I’m working from home so I will do it on the clock <3#for now I’m allowing myself to think abt dnd.#luke.txt
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