#god I don’t know how to feel abt this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

exopelagic · 7 months ago

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why do applications feel like your soul is being lightly roasted at 180C

#I’m applying for. a thing that is very much a once in a lifetime opportunity. and I don’t know if I want to do it.#like I cannot overstate how huge this could actually be #the problem is I don’t know if I actually wanna do it. and I can’t tell if that’s for good or bad reasons #the worst part is I actually have a decent shot. it’s far from certain this is gonna be competitive as hell but I can Do This. theoretically #and on top of that my current boss and HIS boss have connections there that they said they would talk to. I didn’t ask. and I feel like I’m #gonna wither away into a tiny little ball and float off #i know that almost everything is gotten by connections now and I’m only HERE on the fucking poor kids scholarship already that’s why I have #this internship in the first place but oh my god. oh my god.#it’s a three year long thing. that’s so much time. and it’s so much work. it’s work I can do in theory and they’d help me but #god I don’t know how to feel abt this #it’s also a field which I’m definitely interested in but in a way where I’m not sure if I’m That interested yknow. but I think I also am?#I’m terrified that I won’t like it and I realise I don’t want it but get offered it and cannot turn it down bc of how big it is #genuinely the worst part of this is I have a shot. my boss’ boss recommended it to me and she’s fucking insane #I have the draft ideas for what I think is a decent application I just gotta write it but again. it feels like I’m dying.#but I gotta do it by Thursday and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #I’m terrified and I think it’s also something I can’t not put an application in for or I’ll regret it. so I’m going to do it scared.#I’m going to do it sososososo scared. like. literally had to stave off a panic attack at work after talking to my boss abt it today.#I haven’t had one of those in a while #if any of you are reading this and have the space to talk abt this rn pls text me i know I’m allowed but I didn’t wanna bug anyone rn #okay. it’s 10:30. I think I can let myself do this tomorrow. and I’m working from home so I will do it on the clock <3 #for now I’m allowing myself to think abt dnd.#luke.txt

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bizrreparallax · 10 months ago

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god i wish there was more fan content of them (not even rlly in a romantic way just in general) their relationship is giving me brainworms and it feels like the pool of fics/fan content about them specifically is so shallow….. cries

#save me zoro&usopp dynamic… save me #there’s a dire lack of usopp content in general but u know how it is #usopp #god usopp #roronoa zoro #one piece #zosopp #even tho this is not a ship post at all like i don’t mind the ship but i’m talking abt their dynamic in the general sense here #but literally any zoro & usopp dynamic fans. can you hear me #i mean i’ve already made a that silly simple post abt how every dynamic with usopp is a good one #but them. them specifically guys. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #the friendship..#the contrast #the complicated feelings #the POST WATER 7 TENSION..#please SOMEONE can ANYONE hear me #edit: stawp i didn’t even see kin’emons goofy ass in the second pic until now

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lezstat · 8 months ago

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surprised i haven’t seen anyone talking abt this parallel. jacob & delainey’s lil comforting shoulder touches🥺(no wonder everyone always gushes about those two in interviews, how could u not adore them? sweethearts. gaaah this whole cast is so solid <3)

#i really adore and respect when celebs are this earnest #like #when they’re visibly nervous and invested in the fan’s response #that kind of vulnerability #it’s what puts the /feeling/ in it !!#bc that’s how you know they rlly care abt what they’re creating #it’s the magic that moves media from ‘content’ to art #and putting your art out there for the whole world is a scary fkn thing to do!#ppl really don’t appreciate that enough these days #god. i’ll never have enough kudos to give this production #also #not to parasocial on main #(well. this isnt my main lmao)#BUT #it’s so sweet seeing how much more comfortable he (&the whole cast) has become each year #you can seeeee the physical difference in anxiety in just these gifs #i’m glad it seems like the world doesn’t feel so close to ending for him this time around:’)#iwtv #delainey hayles #sam reid #jacob anderson #sdcc #my gifs!#my posts tag:)

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the-meme-monarch · 6 months ago

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about to start season 2 of gravity falls and hey are we done with Mabel Has To So Much As Tolerate A Guy Who Wants To Date her That She’s Not Fucking Interested In plots

#throwing gideon like a wet paper towel at the wall. grow up HDHSHSHSHDHSJSJ #i feel like I have to say this all the time but it’s good for characters to suck. for them and us #so this again isn’t really a Criticism of the show just a Oh This Makes Me Sad thing. yknow #but oh my god stop trying to force mabel to marry you. the gnomes and gideon #if you’re afab youve Likely had to deal w boys not fucking taking no for an answer. or you Cant tell them Firmly no bc of societal pressure #it made me feel Bad. i was sick i was ill. don’t remind me of real life you’re a cartoon /JOKEY #i didn’t realize gideon And The Gnomes were still hung up on her until the dreamscapers two parter. get over yourselves ‼️ she said no #also in a similar vein bc I know everyone talks abt how Immediately sick of it they were w dippers crush on wendy and. Yeah #though funny enough it didn’t Show itself until a few episodes after wendy’s appearance i feel #i feel like i remember it being The episode she was introduced #words from the monarch #gravity falls

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loderlied · 1 month ago

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sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.

#god i really really don’t want to do this. but i have to but i don’t want to but i have to but i don’t want to. and so on. you get the gist #though i guess i am more not wanting to let go of an idea or fantasy rather than reality #like i always wanted to be an active participant in fun oc art fandom writing etc etc communities #but all i really did was make way too many people uncomfortable with my worthless stuff.#like it and me are just not built for interacting with people lmao. especially when it comes to stuff like my characters or uh.#i don’t know you can’t call it art or writing just uh. creations i guess.#and like i knew that before i made this blog but then people started interacting with me and i thought hey maybe this’ll work out maybe i #can be better and then i so wasn’t. and for that i am very sorry.#(and i mean this is not the main reason why i feel like i have to do this but i can’t just go back like nothing happened on here lmao.#i deleted 90% of my shana posts i had/am having a crashout i gotta at least follow through after being so embarrassing #after being even more insufferable than usual haha. and if i stayed there would be even more people who feel obligated to stay around #i feel. and i so don’t want that. so just one more reason why i gotta be brave and just fucking do it.)#also i do realise that there’s the possibility of not deactivating and just logging off and leaving but every time i took a break like that #i always like felt a bit ‘better’/delusional & thought it’d be ok to return. sure that’ll happen again.which is why i have to be so drastic #like even if i made a new blog i know myself well enough to know that i’ll be too embarrassed to reach out to anyone again.#so it would really be a working solution to this problem. i really should just do it.#romeo’s wretched rambles #also a message to everyone telling me that they like shana and that he’s not a shit character to obsess over & more importantly share #with folks: appreciate the sentiment but there’s a lot of his evil you don’t know about.#i was implying some stuff here and there and some people i’ve told more privately but even they are missing like 25% of the shana.#those being the absolute worst parts of him. i am still absolutely obsessed with him but that’s my error to fix and i can’t subject #people to that anymore in good conscience. seeing people say they like him actively feels like i’m pulling a shana myself and deceiving #people with lies of omission sometimes. remember that lol. obviously ik that there r big differences but sometimes it just feels awful stil #so maybe he’s better contained in a separate private blog that i can torch once i get over this rot and just be done with this fucking char #again i don’t mean to say that i don’t appreciate the support but i’m sure many of your guys’ opinions would change If You Knew. you know.#(god. with the lies of omission thing. every day i learn more abt how i subconsciously write things that make me deeply uncomfortable lol)#(and that i fear. like. that wasn’t even intentional when i gave him that trait. i just realised that while typing this pointless mess lmao #anyways. thanks for readin if you made it this far. send me anon hate or something. hit me with an anvil and spit on my corpse if you will #i hope that at least by the end of this week i will have put my brave pants on and decided on what to do. sorry for being so annoying.

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sweetshire · 10 months ago

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denethor is said to have been greatly affected by finduilas’ death, right. and i know their marriage was a political one but i like to believe that they still loved each other. not in the ‘traditional sense’ i guess but they loved each other’s spirits, their souls. the duty (as they viewed it) to protect their people & the willpower to do it, they both shared. and so i think that more precious than love, they understood each other perfectly. as no one else could, or did. i can’t stop thinking about denethor’s grief at losing her. to love someone, and to have them understand you, but to lose them so abruptly… no wonder denethor became embittered by her death. i think he became sad too. closed-off. built even more walls around him, not wanting to be seen as vulnerable by anyone. but his anger, at what (or whom), exactly? he already broke up with god when he was young. at the universe? at his fate? to have lost her so unfairly.

i came here to talk about their love & somewhere in the middle lost myself in his grief lol. never mind, bc what is grief if not love persevering????? they loved each other. i can’t. i CAN’T get over this simple truth. the love was there. it wouldn’t have been this tragic if there’s wasn’t. the love was there. and isn’t that enough (it isn’t. but it is. IT IS). the love was there. THE LOVE WAS. THERE. sobbing. truly sobbing DON’T TOUCH ME

#i’m spitballing here. but elbereth knows i spent hours in my bed thinking about them last night. i couldn’t sleep #i’m becoming so invested in them oh my god. ohmygod they’re making me c r a z y #wait. i was thinking abt how his relationship changed w his sons after this and waiiit. WAIT a minute #is this what writers feel like when inspiration strikes suddenly im going bonkers #there’s no connection between the next sentence and what i wrote till now. well there is but trust me on this one #my brain is moving too fast i don’t have time to be coherent #so listen. so it IS implied that faramir foresaw boromir’s coming. what if #what if DENETHOR dreamt of finduilas dying. i mean i’d rather he didn’t bc THEN there would be a lot of potential for angst and his self #destructive behaviour. what if denethor DIDN’T FORESEE HER DEATH. BUT WISHED THAT HE DID.#GOD. HIM WONDERING IF HE COULD HAVE SAVED HER. DONE SOMETHING SOONER TO PREVENT HER HEALTH FROM DETERIORATING #but no. nothing he could have done would have changed what happened. THAT’S WHY it’s a tragedy. but *he* doesn’t know that #denethor and finduilas #hmm.#DO U FEEL? DO U GET ME????????#denethor #finduilas

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secondpersonpoetry · 5 months ago

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you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one!

oh. oh.

#don’t think i’ve read this kim addonizio poem and it just blindsided me like a truck thank you so much #i. oh god. like yeah.#pour me shitfaced into your car i feel like you own a comforter extremely dysfunctional only in surface details like which person was the #black hole and the distant spark in space that might’ve been a star there’s something too with unrelenting mist / many-headed mist / missed #who knew mis(t)/sed had undone so many. while you keep an eye on the burner here’s hoping this flame doesn’t go out #the flame as in the spark as in don’t let me have pinned my hopes on you to watch it burn out again but also me. like please let me not go #and i think there’s something there too with the repetitive ‘i have just met you’ and i already love you that reminds me both of a story #colman domingo told abt meeting his partner i cry everytime i hear it right when he says ‘i think i love u &you’re about to change my life’#and i KNOW there’s another poem. and i feel like it maybe has a dog and it talks about how they don’t even know you but they love you #OH IT’S ALSO. OH MY GOD THAT’S IT. i mean not exactly so maybe i have read this before & it’s what has been haunting me for so long but #the opening line to tim seibles naïve is ‘i love you but i don’t know you’ - mennonite woman #the odds of that dog poem being a carl phillips poem is non-zero btw. his poems about dogs make me see shrimp colors (bertuzzi thesis)#ANYWAY. agreed. this is incredibly hockey and incredibly hurtful because they DO bond like this in 0.0001 seconds because if you can’t #you’re fucked. you have to just find somebody and fall in love with them and it’s the salmon and the triple cream brie like they got taken #out to some fancy meet the donors team night in their suits and one of them is dealing with a heartbreak and a trade and are the things #they think true or are they just missing what the used to have. jamie who used to empty and refill the ice tray YES sorry i have been a #little bit thinking that about the trevor dealing so poorly with the breakup and i wish i had another narrative (which i do) but it fits #trade deadline tragedy #and also the formation of a codependent rookies like. two guys that get drafted and brought up together and suddenly they’re doing #everything together and it’s your first time in the big show and none of your old college friends understand because they’re not there #and you can’t get it. like you think you know but they can’t understand and the loneliness and it IS guys taking care of each other #(alexa play harriet by hey rosetta! but specifically the bridge) and it’s just. i just!!! trying to fill up the missing pieces of your life #like i cannot convey WHOMST i am trying to pin this narrative to this is going to rotate for a long while i think #because it’s not a wild i fell in love with you at first sight it’s a you were kind to me when i was broken. and i love you for that.#like who is FALLING APART &happens to fall into someone else’s arms. purely for the partygirl aspect the devil (old hrpf) says ‘13 bennguin #who among us hasn’t fallen mildly briefly brilliantly in love with a stranger and imagined a future where you get everything you want #sometimes we love people for who they are and sometimes we love them for what we’re not and sometimes for who we think they’ll be #this was a very long way to say thank you for sharing <3 i will also be making this about my hockey guys <3 #OH MY GOD IT’S DPAIRS. WHO’S BEEN THROUGH SEVERAL DPAIRS #nonny <3

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yellowjckets · 6 months ago

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regressing (thinking about heather mcnamara again)

#nobody gets her like i do …….#like genuinely have been having Thoughts (someone on my course was chatting abt it and i was like oh god we deffo ran into each other online #i will forever be kinda insane about her unfortunately she formed a lot of my personality ……#also so many ppl get her so wrong (including productions of the show but we know how i feel abt that)#ppl go too far one way or the other w her traits and also often infantilise her and like .#or act like she’s stupid …… like #emmyposts #UGH more to say but am on bus and there’s loads of ppl and i don’t want ppl to b like haha tumblr girl so

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ghostzzy · 6 months ago

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i don’t mean to alarm anyone but i did come up with a fresh idea for a short story last night

#first wholly new original idea i’ve had in . over a year at least.#and i kinda like it because it would be like… a good companion to fallen.#diff vibe for sure but . fallen being abt a dead girl possessed by an angel -> new one being abt a live boy possessed by a demon……#i don’t have the conflict hammered out (that’s the hardest part for me)#but i kinda already know about the boy and the demon… and i have a few scenes in mind already……..#this is kinda scary. i forgot how it feels to Think lmao…#god i hope this turns into action of some sort. god i hope i can write something new and fun.#izzy.txt #possessionwip

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 1 day ago

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waugh …

#excited but also scared . pdjdkdbkd #iiiiii’m kind of worried about how they’re going to handle her character 💀#like it makes sense that she would feel conflicted after . seeing you know what #and it’s already been established that she views herself as a murderer #but ehhh …. i’m just not really here for . ’yuno is suddenly guilty and wanted you to proclaim her as guilty all along’#idk we’ll see !!! i think they could do it good i just hope no bias shows #’i wanted you to care enough to scold me and tell me i was wrong.’ <- this line is so interesting #but i do hope it’s abt the sugardaddying in particular #it makes sense to me that yuno wanted someone to scold her for that . all along #that she wanted someone to care enough to scold her .#but god don’t let this be an ’i finally realize ……. abortion is Wrong……..’ thing 😭😭#idk idk my thoughts are scrambled . but yuno is a wonderful character and i hope t3 does her justice #i can’t help but wonder how different her headspace would’ve been if she hadn’t been forgiven #and if mahiru had been forgiven #hmmmmm . much to think about #more than anything — in this img it looks like she’s standing in front of a door :0 #i guess . since this is the last trial ???#the door to the afterlife . probably #ari noises ✩#milgram spoilers

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bizrreparallax · 9 months ago

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i barely know anything abt usopp’s observation haki because i haven’t gotten there yet (i’m so close tho) but i know the gist of how it works and . man. i’m getting all emotional over imagining usopp and the time in his childhood when he was on his own and man man man. i’m just thinking about that vs. him maybe on the ship, off somewhere by himself but still being able to feel the presence of everybody onboard, being able to literally feel that he isn’t by himself. it’s making me 🥺

#don’t hold me to this idk how it rlly works i’m just goin off what the wiki said #usopp #god usopp #sniper king usopp #one piece #aaaand wait . the wiki said some level of precognitive ability… can he rlly see the future #you know on a small small level #and on that note #it mentioned being able to sense others emotions…….#i’m thinking abt sabaody and how scared everybody was and making myself sick #okay but anyways #overall this seems super interesting #maybe i’m just not around enough but i don’t feel like i’ve seen much content for his haki #other than knowing he does get it later and uses it to win #that’s all i’ve heard abt tho #i guess i’ve only heard abt it from a power up perspective #but i’m sensing a gold mine of usopp thoughts here. usopp angst even…

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somedudewithantlers · 6 months ago

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ya girl Steve is not doing all that great in college work life

#tryna convince myself to do an essay rough draft by thinking how it could “”””impress””” a guy in my English class that i can’t tell if i’m #crushing on bc i’ve never been in feasible romantic situations (ie crushing on some1 not a fictional mythical entity) or if there’s just #serious mutual “we should b friends but oh god how do i actually talk to them” tension #either way there’s undoubtedly smthn here I just gotta get past aaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllll the social trauma from being ostracized #in middle school & having absolutely 0 consistent real friends in high school; i swear to that axolotl i am on constant Survival Mode at #school & it shows so badly #should’ve (ie an “excuse me” or “thank you”)#and typing this is EXTREMELY counterproductive rn I’ve been here for like 5 minutes #anyway i feel stupid for this because it feels like smthn i should’ve been doing in high school but thank the undiagnosed adhd for #annihilating my “high school experience” in favor of homework I could never complete and still can’t apparently #like for christ’s sake could i at least be doing good at schoolwork & creative projects if i can’t have a social life #or instead have a few friends to make it feel like there’s less pressure on the hw cuz there’s more important things in my life #literally screenshooting this rn to know to talk to my therapist abt it. doubt she’ll b able to help but might as well yeah #i don’t want it to be obvious how much self loathing & pity & general angst i’m holding when i talk to ppl but I’ve never ever been a good #emotions actor & never will tbh.#AND my minecraft house looks ugly. send post

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seventh-district · 11 months ago

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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

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chromoluminary · 8 months ago

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I cannot stay at this job for a second longer than I have to this sucks so bad holy shit

#ember talks #my supervisor keeps saying she wants to bring me on as a contractor after the internship ends and I have no way of telling her uh #respectfully I do not think I’d live through the semester if I did that #it’s not even grueling work I just hate the content and the company culture is a funeral at best #I can do corpo culture w layoffs or I can look at photos of necropsies for 8 hours a day #I can’t do both but I have to this summer #especially with the continued assumption I’m cis and straight and neurotypical in such a weirdly aggressive way #I have a presentation that I’ve been putting off building the slide deck for bc I just. I don’t know how to spin my project #it’s basically a grunt labor project but I’m qualified enough to speak to the principles behind it #but I was told to not talk abt the principles #or about what an archive is #and I got flack for not working 20 extra unpaid hours last week but there’s no way for me to do that without getting fired #I hate it so fucking much I’m so tired #I’m so tired of being tired #I know every job is going to suck but at least the other ones don’t have me staring at viscera trying to figure out how I can upload it #I know I should feel fortunate to have this job but I’m just lying on the floor sobbing rn #I’ve been working since 6:30 this morning I should just. stop #log the fuck off give the fuck up try again next week #(Monday I have an interview for a hopefully chiller job in the fall and I’m very excited for it tbh)#the team seems cool and it’s . idk it’ll be something I can live with doing #and I can work my other school year gig and I miss that team so much and they said they missed me too and #god I just rly wanna work full time at the library I work at during the year

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bibleofficial · 3 months ago

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me realizing that the slang term i’ve used to say ‘get scammed’ a) isn’t spelled that way & b) is actually a slur

#stream #waterboarding myself #girl i-#if i wasn’t getting extremely fucking high immediately after this realization i would’ve felt worse but now i feel nothing period #like i’m D:#but i’m literally 👁️_👁️#i’ve used it so often i thought it was spelt w a FUCKING J SINCE I WAS LIKE 5 #why did i think abt this bc ok ive started analyzing the slang i use bc i’ll use an adjective & im like i would’ve never fucking said that #in america #like plump & for what was this other 1 hold on #SHODDY ?#i mean i think i would’ve used that in the us but idk why google had ‘is shoddy british slang’ like no ?#soddy probably #oh then i was like ok wait why do u spell it Like That #Wait … WAIT ? OH MY GOD ? <- THE HORROR OF ME REALIZING I WASNT SPELLING IT CORRECTLY #& THEN HOW ITS ACTUALLY SPELT -> D:#-> then the wanderer wikipedia page like i was on a rabbit hole bc wander is like a sovereign like it’s a nationality i guess girl i dont #remember specifics i’m baked as fuck we’re broad stroking it #but then it ties to the romani people & then i went … oh the slur … OH THE STEROTYPES …. OH MY GOD MY SLANG ???????#i’m still like •_•#girl …#u were such an asshole accidentally for 25 years #remembering the time specifically in junior year ap us history & we had to make this stupid ww2 music video girl i don’t even know why idk #if it was even supposed to be abt ww2 but we were ww2 & we were told by our teacher we couldn’t shorten japanese that way bc that is a slur #& we were all like •_• •_• •_• •_• oh #bc it was the 4 of us in the group #& then i remember when kp found out this slur for chinese people is a slur bc apparently there’s a specific adjective they use to describe #people u Cannot Say Here Idk Abt India But Definitely Not Here & also he then found out what ‘slur’ means bc he didn’t know that word either #ALSKKSKLKSLKALLSLLAKSLALDKAKSSK oh my god that trip was a mess #i fucking hate scotland

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yioh · 1 year ago

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i wanna find more books like little mushroom but whenever i google for recommendations similiar to it, google just gives me more danmei LIKE no the only thing most of these books have in common is they’re all gay and are chinese novels ….. i want post apocalyptic poetic storytelling with existentialism threaded through the pages giving me a slow aching feeling that i can’t forget about 😭😭😭

#like i don’t even rly care abt if it’s romance centred or if it’s gay or whatever i just want something as immersive arkcbfskzbxjdbdnd #yknow when you read something so good that everything else is so flat in comparison #also i feel like Most danmei is either historical or wuxia/xianxia type of setting and that’s just not for me honestly … or they’re VERY #politics heavy and that would be interesting if most of the pages were old men idk abt talking abt god knows what 😭 like idk …..#weren’t old men* lol #the writing style is just so hard for me to immerse myself into #and i think this applies to most books because i keep trying to read stuff and i can’t get into it #but little mushroom GOSH it read like a whole ass movie i could see everything just play before my eyes idk how the author did it but from #the first page from the first sentence i was HYPNOTISED …..#the most perfect book i’ve ever read

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